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Hey, alright, it's Kip Kasper, KLON Radio, L.A.'s infinite repeat
How we feelin' out there? How's your drive time commute?
I need a saga. What's the saga?
It's Songs for the Deaf
You can't even hear it

Hi Son,

Toward the beginning of this year I talked a little bit about the band Queens of the Stone Age (QOTSA), when telling you about Them Crooked Vultures. I mentioned on the third record of QOTSA, "Songs for the Deaf,” that Dave Grohl was the drummer on the record. Dave had actually wanted to play with QOTSA before this. QOTSA had toured with the Foo Fighters in the late 90s and Dave had hoped he would have been part of their second record “Rated R.” The other half of QOTSA, opposite Dave and Josh Homme were Mark Lanegan and Nick Oliveri. Mark was actually the lead singer of Screaming Trees and had contributed to Mad Season. Nick played bass for QOTSA and also contributed vocals on quite a few of their songs. This lineup would only be together for “Songs for the Deaf.” Looking back at it this was in some ways a supergroup. The record was dropped on August 27, 2002. That would have been just before my junior year of college. At this time, I had not heard of QOTSA. Like I said, this was their third studio album, but this was the first time they really broke through on mainstream. My first experience came from the release of their first single in late November of the same year. It came in the way of their music video, which was pretty attention grabbing. I’ll come back to that later.

The album is described as a “loose concept album.” The scene is a road trip from Los Angeles to Joshua Tree (which is about 2 hours according to Google Maps). The route goes through the desert, where the driver is constantly going through radio stations during the trip. The first track is called “The Real Song for the Deaf.” It’s about 90 seconds of a “hard-to-hear bass line.” When the album came out on CD, it was a hidden track. However, as this album came available digitally, it has become a regular fixture of the track listing. Then we come to the start of track 2, where you hear the driver entering the car, starting the engine and then begins to tune the radio. Eventually he finds “KLON Radio” where the DJ, Kip Kasper, has a short monologue ending with the words: “It’s Songs for the Deaf. You can’t even hear it.” You begin to hear Dave drumming with a faint sound of the lead guitar dropping a sick riff. Then all of a sudden…

Nick Oliveri begins screaming into the mic and the music gets significantly louder. The first time I heard this track, I naturally began to turn up the volume when Kip Kasper was saying “You can’t even hear it.” It is one of the best introductions to any song I’ve ever heard. The integration of the “road trip concept” has been unique to anything that I’ve heard. Just as a side bar. I came across an album review by Michele Catalano, who writes “I Have That On Vinyl.” She describes this album as perfect as any description out there:

While all the other QOTSA albums can be played at whatever volume you like, in whatever setting you want, Songs for the Deaf was meant to be played at maximum volume, in your car.

Then we get to the song that first introduced me to QOTSA. The aforementioned “No One Knows.” The first time I experienced this song was in the student union. I could hear the song barely, while watching the video. All I could hear was the main riff of the song and the sound of Josh’s vocals. What ensued on the music video was the band taking a drive in a jeep, when they suddenly hit a deer. They get out of the jeep to check on the deer and the deer awakens, gets up and then knocks the band members unconscious. The deer proceeds to tie them up onto the hood of the jeep and drive around. It was a wild scene to try to digest at that time. When I finally got to hear this song with headphones, it really pops. Dave’s playing on this song is one of my favorite drum lines in any song ever. The beat he provides is fairly staggered, it’s not in the complete time signature of the song. The guitar riff is as recognizable as any. I really have never heard anything like this song. I love it so much.

Ustedes que son padres de familia—
Buenas tardes señores y señoritas aquí está el
"DJ Héctor Bonifacio Echevarría Cervantes de la Cruz Arroyo Rojas"
Esta es la radio Quetzalcoatl
Estación donde el rock vive y no muere
Vamos a escuchar un par de temas de Queens of the Stone Age
Primero vamos a escuchar "First It Giveth"
Qué música impresionante temible y verdaderamente ahora van a ver a ver a ver a ver aquí va

Track 4 is “First it Giveth.” It was the third single released from “Songs for the Deaf.” This is a fast-paced aggressively played song. The flow from “No One Knows” through the radio sketch into the beginning is seamless. Really the flow of the entire record is seamless. “First it Giveth” is a great track. Easily one of my favorites. Track 5 features Nick on lead vocals, “Songs for the Dead.” It begins with a high-octane instrumental that has Josh singing in the background or I should say he’s “aaaaahhhhing” like a ghost. It’s kind of haunting. Honestly, Josh Homme is extremely good at making his voice sound like a creepy ghost or just the backdrop for any horror scene. Track 6 is “The Sky is Fallin.” This song has a lot more of a euphoric feeling to it. Josh uses quite a bit of falsetto during the chorus of the song.

KRDL, KRDL 109
We spoil music for everyone
Shut up, you little brat
KRDL, the KRDL
Elastic Ass with ya here in Chino Hills, the last frontier
That's where we're at
Uh, word, K-double-O-L
You know what it spells and you know how we do
Live and direct coming at you from the middle of Nowhere
The center of everywhere
Ya gotta check this band, Queens of the Stone Age
If you not knowin', I'm here to let ya know
I'm giving it my stamp of approval, you know what I'm saying?
So pick this up

Track 7 is probably the angriest sounding song on “Songs for the Deaf.” This is a constant theme when Nick is the lead vocalist for a track. “Six Shooter” is find on the radio by the driver of the car when he comes across a Death Metal station. This song is certainly as close to Death Metal as any I’ve heard over the entire catalog of QOTSA. Track 8, “Hangin’ Tree” would probably be considered a “skip” track if there was any on this record. Personally, I don’t skip any tracks when I’m giving the record a listen. Then we come to the second single released (third overall) on Track 9, “Go With the Flow.” This song, like “No One Knows” was pretty big. It further put QOTSA on the map of many listeners. It’s another fast-paced song with keyboard/piano in the background going along to every note of the beat. Like “No One Knows” it has a really attention getting music video that is animated, with the band members shaded black and the sky red. It’s really cool.

“Gonna Leave You” is track 10. Dave does the lead vocals for this song (even though Nick is credited, it’s definitely Dave singing). It really has more of a Foo Fighter’s feel to it, which is a really good thing. It’s not aggressive, it’s just a song with consistent intensity throughout. Dave’s drumming also really stands out (in all honestly most of the record it does). Track 11 is another very solid offering called “Do It Again.” Josh takes the vocals again and provides a very “QOTSA sounding track.” More good stuff.

This is Tom Sherman
Down here at Banning College, we're, uh
We're promoting a blood dri—
Oh, shit
Not guilty
Welcome to the South of America
You're listening to AM 580
Lay back, sheep, little lamb, little lamb, little lamb
Little lamb, little lamb, little lamb

Track 12 is where Mark takes the lead vocals for the first and only time called “God is in the Radio.” It’s one of the longest tracks on the record. Even though the time duration is less than “The Sky is Fallin’” and track 14 (Song for the Deaf), there isn’t any radio sketch adding minutes to the duration or dead sound. When I first heard this song, I thought it was the closer. Every time I hear it, I keep wondering why they didn’t close with “God is in the Radio.” Track 13 is “Another Love Song” that is sung by Nick. It’s the tamest of the Nick-led songs, so much that he’s not screaming during it. It’s still completely full of great sound and like all of the others, needs to be cranked up on the radio it the car.

This is WOMB, The Womb
And if you, my pets, learn to listen
I'll let you crawl back in
Here is something you should drop to your knees for, and worship
But you are too stupid to realize yourselves

Now we come to the closer, “Song for the Deaf.” It starts off sounding like it’s fading in. After the full band comes in, the sound of it seems somewhat subdued. The song is somewhat grungy sounding. Maybe a bit Nu Metal. The song goes on for about 4 and a half minutes and then comes to a close with the last radio sketch. The sound goes completely quiet and you think it’s over, but it’s not. If you keep listening until the last minute of the song you hear what sounds like the band jamming out to the opening track of “Rated R” called “Feel Good Hit of the Summer.” The lyrics to the song aren’t sung, just the laughing of “Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha” in the same tenor as the vocals of the song.

If you think that’s all…wait…there’s more. A hidden track! It’s called “Mosquito Song.” This is an acoustic track sung by Josh. It’s a nice song. Very much contrasting to the entirety of “Songs for the Deaf.” There’s even a mention in the lyric to their fourth studio album. “Where will you hide? Lullabies to paralyze.”

“Songs for the Deaf” as I stated before, was a spring board for QOTSA into the mainstream world. It’s far and away their most renowned work over what has now been a better part of 3 decades of their music. This record isn’t just my favorite of theirs, but it’s one of the best of the 21st century. Call the concept of the album “loose” if you will, but I have heard nothing like it since. Unfortunately half of the lineup of QOTSA would leave after “Songs for the Deaf.” Dave put more focus on his band, Foo Fighters, and Nick was fired by Josh. There was a rumor about Nick from a couple of years ago that led Josh to believe he was abusive to his girlfriend. They would eventually mend fences and Nick began to contribute to the band again in 2012. There have been six records dropped by QOTSA since “Songs for the Deaf,” but honestly none have come close to the mastery shown in creating it.

You’re listening to WANT
The High Desert Wonder Valley favorite radio station
It’s been a good night
Dave Catching here
Not saying goodnight, just sayin’

Love,

Dad

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Hi Son,

Your mother’s birthday is in 3 days, so I felt the need to write you about one of my first music memories of her. However, I am going to start with a “before I met your mother” monologue. At the end of my freshman year of college, I burned a CD from a bunch of random mp3s I downloaded (illegally, well that’s debatable). It was a mix of a bunch of songs by different artists that I had really heard for the first time. One of those songs was “Brick” by Ben Folds Five. I thought it had a really nice melody with Ben on the piano and then a double bass playing a really cool beat throughout. That summer when I was hanging out with my best friend (who you have yet to me, but someday soon I hope), I popped in the CD and we both starting singing along to most of the songs, except for “Brick.” However, we would learn the words to “Brick” pretty quickly. We just thought the chorus of the song was hilarious. “She’s a brick and I’m drowning slowly.” I mean I can’t handle this woman because she’s weighing me down. So funny right? I even think it became one of, if not our favorite track on that CD. Oh but the 19-year-old me was an absolute dumbass. I didn’t even take the time to understand the true meaning of the song. The actual metaphor that Ben Folds was giving.

Fast forward five years. Your mom and I started dating on February 12, 2006. I learned pretty quickly that she was big into Ben Folds and Ben Folds Five. The only song I really knew at that time was “Brick.” Now to be honest, the song really never came up in discussion. I was actually wise to not bring it up and moreover laugh as if the song was funny. However, knowing she was a fan, it did prompt me to better understand the meaning of “Brick.” So here it is. The song is about a couple aborting a pregnancy. More specifically, Ben Folds and his girlfriend in high school. After learning this, the song obviously took on a much different impression in my mind. It became melancholy. I actually started to feel the conflict and pain the couple he sings about are going through.

They call her name at 7:30
I pace around the parking lot
Then I walk down to buy her flowers
And sell some gifts that I got
Can't you see
It's not me you're dying for?
Now she's feeling more alone
Than she ever has before

Yeah I’m really fucking lucky I did not bring this song up to your mother.

The song was released as the fourth single from Ben Folds Five’s second studio album, “Whatever and Ever Amen.” The release date was March 18, 1997. I would have been 15 when this dropped. However, I did not give it a full listen until 10 years later, when I borrowed your mom’s CD. Before I go into the tracklist, I want to touch on the ensemble of Ben Folds Five. It was started in 1993 by Ben Folds who plays piano and vocals, Robert Sledge (bass guitar) and Darren Jessee (drums) who both do backing vocals for Ben. Now you might be wondering, Ben Folds Five? As it’s told, the “five” sounded better than Ben Folds “Three.” Honestly, Ben’s got a point there. The group would only stay together until 2000 releasing three studio albums. They did get back together in 2011, then broke up again in 2013. Ben released several solo albums between 2000 and 2011 and after their second breakup. His style is very exuberant. It’s rare that he will sit down while playing the piano. He’s generally constantly moving as he’s playing and singing into the mic. He brings a lot of great energy, especially when you see him live.

The tracklist of “Whatever and Ever Amen” starts off with “One Angry Dwarf and 200 Solemn Faces.” The lyrics of “Brick” really don’t personify a lot of the writing style that Ben Folds has. In “One Angry Dwarf,” the tempo is fast and the lyrics are crass. Crass, but very cleverly and creativity written.

If you really want to see me
Check the papers and the TV
Look who's tellin' who what to do
No, kiss my ass goodbye

When you generally think about a musician who plays the piano as the main instrument of their work, you probably think it’s compassionate and clean in language. Not with Ben and that’s what really made him stand out. The next example of this is in Track 4, “Song for the Dumped.” I can only imagine if I had been in high school when I heard this song, that it could have become an anthem for my relationships before your mother. The same can probably be said for a lot of teenagers and individuals in their 20s. Here’s how to comes out of the gate.

So you wanted
To take a break
Slow it down some
And have some space
Well, fuck you too!

It only gets better from there. A lot of the words are regrets of spending time and money on the person who dumped you. Actually it’s pretty specific.

Give me my money back
Give me my money back, you bitch
I want my money back
And don't forget

I need to tell you a story before going into the next track that I want to highlight. One night, while I was at your mom’s apartment with her best friend (who you are named after), somehow the topic of singing along to music came up. Back in the day, your mom would wail whenever a song came on and she knew the words. Especially in the car. As we’re sitting at the table in their apartment, her friend goes on about how impossible it was for your mom to not sing along to a song she knows. Her friend gets up, goes over to the stereo and starts playing a Ben Folds Five song loudly. It only took about 1 minute into the song before your mom caved and sung:

And you can see the daisies
In her footsteps
Dandelions (dandelions)
Butterflies (butterflies)

This song is track 6 on “Whatever and Ever Amen” called “Kate.” It’s a really good song, and another personal one for Ben. Really the only thing actually personal is that he wrote it about an ex-girlfriend. Like the name of the band (Five), the name of that woman just didn’t sound as well as the name “Kate.” So hence the name of the song. “I wanna wanna wanna be…Kate!”

Ben was also great at writing more sentimental songs. Track 7, “Smoke” is another break up song. However, it’s not in vain of “give me my money back, you bitch.” The lyrics describe the burning of memories. Those memories could be in the form of photos (believe it or not, back then you had actual physical photos, not digital). He specifically sings about a book that he’s tearing up and burning. The music is beautiful. Ben composed the song using string instruments to accompany him, Robert and Darren. The last line of the song is my favorite.

You keep on saying the past is not even past
And you keep saying
We are smoke
Smoke, smoke

I’m now going to skip to Track 10, “The Battle of Who Could Care Less.” The beginning brings you in immediately. “Doooooo doo. Doo doo doo doo.” The song is meant to mock those who seemingly just don’t care about much of anything. The key word “seemingly.” It’s suggesting a front put up by that person. Just drop the act.

Will you never rest?
Fighting the Battle of Who Could Care Less
Unearned unhappiness
That's all right I guess

Track 11 is “Missing the War.” This song more than any gets stuck in my head. It’s a very raw sounding song and I think the most intimate in how it expresses itself. The lyrics describe a guy in a relationship who is not happy because of the lack of emotional support. He’s unable to build up the nerve to end the relationship. Then we come to the closer, “Evaporated.” In a lot of ways this song is heartbreaking. It speaks a lot about regret of past actions, but not being able to muster the expected reactions of sadness and remorse.

Here I stand
Sad and free
I can't cry
I can't see
What I've done
Oh God what have I done?

I was fortunate enough to see Ben Folds (December 2006) with your mom while we still lived in Kansas. It was a really good show. The concert was on campus at KU in the Lied Center. We got to go with your mom’s best friend (who again you were named after) and two other of your mom’s really good friends that I hope you get to meet. The setlist was quite extensive and even about 2/3rds of the way through the show, Robert and Darren got on stage with him (remember they broke up 6 years before this)! I’m just grateful I got to share that experience with her.

The mention of seeing Ben Folds live happens to be very topical. The band (yep Ben Folds Five, not just Ben) started a tour in July of this year to celebrate the 30th anniversary of their debut album, which was self-titled. There may or may not be an opportunity coming up in the next couple of months to see them when they come through Madison. As I said before, your mom’s birthday is coming up in 3 days. Maybe your dad will muster up the nerve to them with her again 20 years after the first time I saw them with her.

Love,

Dad

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Hi Son,

Sometimes I’m not an easy person to be around. You might be too young to notice right now, but some days I really struggle. There are days where I have trouble getting off of the couch, when you want me to get “up.” Times when I just want to hid inside rather than go out on the patio to play with “bubbles.” Or maybe I’m just not into trying to make you laugh while reading you a bedtime story. The last couple of days have been like that. It’s also hard on your mom, because there are times that she doesn’t know how to deal with me. Nothing feels enjoyable. Decision making becomes nearly impossible. In just a few hours I can go from one person to the next. I’ve explained before that there are plenty of stressors to worry about to put me into a paralyzed state. There are times I just can’t focus on only what I can control.

One of the most recent songs written by Eddie, Stone and Jeff has stood out to me, “Pendulum.” Partly, because they have used it quite a bit as a set opener (they opened with it both times I took your mom to see them). It’s positioned in the middle of the tracklisting from their “Lightning Bolt” record. It’s a dark tone which starts out with Jeff playing keyboards in a three-note sequence. Then Eddie comes in with the vocals.

Can't know what's high 'til you been down so low
The future's bright, lit up with nowhere to go

To and fro the pendulum throws

Immediately it describes a contrast of emotion. It also suggests that many don’t appreciate what they have until they’ve hit rock bottom. I don’t know what rock bottom would look like. The closest I think I hit it was after I found out your grandmother had a brain tumor and your mom was still going through intensive recovery from the stroke she suffered at the beginning of that year. As far as the pendulum swinging, I think I’ve gone through that experience for most of my life, well before that year.

We are here and then we go
My shadow left me long ago

The pendulum can swing for me at any moment. It could be to where I am enjoying the moment and then suddenly find myself feeling depressed. There’s no shadow because the darkness has filled my being.

Understand what we don't know
This might pass, this might last, this may grow

Easy come and easy go
Easy left me a long time ago

What’s so tough in the moments I feel lost is trying to figure out why exactly I feel the way I do. Is it better to stop wondering and just ride it out? Does trying to figure it out make it worse? Sometimes I wonder if I even want it to get better. As if I deserve the emotional distress I’m in. I just don’t want things to improve, because nothing in life is easy. It gets harder with age.

This part of the song hits a crescendo when Eddie sings “easy left me a long time ago.” Normally when this song is played live is when the crowd really gets into the lyric with him. You can just feel in the entire crowd how everyone is giving into the fact that life never gets easier.

I'm in the fire, but I'm still cold
Nothing works, works for me anymore

This is the apex of which describes my feelings when I am the person who is struggling and does not want to sit on the floor and play with your Mega Blocks (they’re like larger Legos). The environment around me may seem fine, but inside I am afraid to move around in it. No matter what I do, I won’t be able to stop feeling depressed. What’s even the point in trying?

The song then goes into Eddie singing “ah-ah-ah-ah-ah” over and over again with the band playing in the background for the next minute. It’s hauntingly beautiful. In a way it provides a soundtrack to my depression. I’m not looking for something to “cheer me up.” I just want to hear a melancholy tune that I could listen to on repeat for hours. Just let me wallow for a while. Please leave me sitting on the couch with me clutching a blanket.

The song then begins to fade with Eddie singing.

To and fro the pendulum throws
To and fro the pendulum throws
To and fro
To and fro

Please bear with me. Just as much as the pendulum swung to put me into the person you don’t recognize from the day before, tomorrow or even hours from now I could come back to the father you’ve been around for most of the time. Please understand it’s not because of you. Please know I love you just as much.

Love,

Dad

Hi Son,

Bradley Nowell was born on February 22, 1968 in Long Beach, California. During his upbringing, his parents (who divorced when he was 10) brought him up in music. His dad first exposed him to reggae music when he was 11 during a trip to the Virgin Islands. Reggae would become an integral part of his influence as a musician. In 1988 he started a band as the frontman with Eric Wilson (bass) and Bud Gaugh (drums). The band was named Sublime and during their tenure produced 3 studio albums. At the time of the releases of their first two albums, “40 oz. to Freedom” and “Robbin’ the Hood” were not commercial hits. The band did have a good following, but not one that could be considered extensive throughout the US or other parts of the world. In 1995, between the release of their second album and third album (Self-Titled), Bradley would have a son, Jakob, with his girlfriend Troy Dendekker. Bradley and Troy would then get married about 11 months later on May 18, 1996. Tragically, Bradley would lose his life 7 days later on May 25th from a heroin overdose. He was only 28.

About two months later they would release their third album, self-titled “Sublime.” The release of this album compounded with the loss of Nowell sparked interest in Sublime’s first two albums. Especially their first album “40 oz. to Freedom.” Growing up, especially in the 2000s, I heard a lot of Sublime’s more popular songs on the radio. Most of the songs played were off of their self-titled album, but there were a couple of songs that were played regularly. They were “Smoke Two Joints” and “What Happened.” Each of those were on “40 oz. to Freedom.” I never really listened closely to either of the songs. I always recognized them mostly on their guitar riffs and “What Happened” had a “Tequila"-type of riff in it, which made it easily distinguishable. Largely, I have gone through life knowing those two songs and many off of “Self-Titled.” However, it wasn’t until a few weeks ago I had read a post from a fellow writer, , on the title track of “40 oz. to Freedom” that began to pique my interest. At that time I was listening and prepping for my note on 311 and was feeling some Reggae-influenced rock. I decided to give the album “40 oz. to Freedom” a try.

The first time going through the album, it just flowed so well. Each song into the next really segued seamlessly for me. The opener is “Waiting for My Ruca” which has a somewhat muted sound with bass throughout. Nowell sings quietly for the most part blending in with the sound, except for a few times where he belts out with a Reggae tone. Then it goes into track 2, the title track, “40 oz. to Freedom.” I’ve said this before and I will say it again. These two tracks compliment one another really well in the sense of their contrasting. “Waiting for My Ruca” is a fairly subdued and quiet compared to the beginning of the title track. The title track doesn’t come in as loud and aggressive as other examples that I’ve provided in the past (No Code, Tiny Music) but the beginning of the title track pops even more when you listen to it in sequence. It’s a very upbeat, Reggae-inspired intro that goes into a verse followed by a loud chorus section that does begin to build in more energy with the entire band’s sound.

The record as a whole is very long, at 23 tracks spanning a little over 75 minutes. They do mix in 6 covers, one of them being “Smoke Two Joints,” that are all performed really well. The cover that I enjoy the most is their rendition of the Grateful Dead’s “Scarlet Begonias.” The original was dropped in 1974 and is a really good song of the Dead. Sublime gives it an even more feel-good vibe that is more modernized without losing the tone set by the Dead. What I enjoy most about Sublime’s version is that they sample James Brown’s “Funky Drummer.” There is also an addition from Nowell with a rap verse halfway through the track that was not included on the original by the Dead. The other covers are “54-46 That’s My Number”, “We’re Only Gonna Die”, “Hope” and what is the penultimate track on the album “Rivers of Babylon.” Their version of “Rivers of Babylon” is a really good closing track. I consider it to be their closing track, but the actual closer called “Thanx” is Nowell giving shout-outs to several individuals and groups.

The tracks that I love the most of off “40 oz. to Freedom” are “Don’t Push”, “Badfish”, “Live at E’s” and “Chica Me Tipo.” The fifth track is “Don’t Push” which carries the theme of how Nowell doesn’t want anyone to get “pushy” with him. The song starts off with a bit of a stern tone to it until it reaches the bridge.

Stolen from an Africa land
I was chased out of the bar
Mmm, I saw my best friend tonight, so
Don't push me too far

The tone then gets really laid back. The music is so Reggae-forward and honestly a perfect song to play in the background while on the beach. The album as a whole just exudes Summer, but I think this song more than any on “40 oz. to Freedom” does this. “Live at E’s” is the eleventh track. I mentioned at the beginning that the founding drummer of Sublime was Bud Gaugh. However, for a short period of time their drummer was not Bud due to some issues popping up in 1990-1991. Bud had bothered Eric and Bradley so much that they brought on Marshal Goodman (Ras MG) for a period of time, which included an EP called “Jah Won’t Pay the Bills.” During those sessions they recorded “Live at E’s,” but later decided not to include it on the EP. Marshall described the inspiration and title of the song to be Eric “Eazy-E” Wright. In a publication called The Pier, Marshall was quoted:

It is called ‘Live At E’s’ because Dominquez Hills is near Compton, CA and Miguel and Brad were intrigued by Eazy E being from Compton. Cal State Dominquez is right next to Compton so that’s why it was called ‘Live At E’s’ because we were ‘live in Compton’ essentially.”

Marshall would also drum on several of the tracks on “40 oz. to Freedom” but would later give way to Bud after the release of the record.

“Chica Me Tipo” is the thirteenth track on the record. The song is sung in Spanish. It comes off sounding kind of sweet. However, the translation to English reveals a lot of crude humor.

No me importa que se lleva, porque todo se quitará
Ay, no puedo verlo, ni en pintura
Cuando empecemos, no me dio cuenta
De que luego, tuviera que pagar
Pero si se cambie, me voy a acostarme con ti, con ti

Translates to:

I don’t care what you wear, because you will take it all off. I can’t stand the sight of you. When we started, I didn’t realize that after you would make me pay. But if things change, I will go to bed with you, with you.

“Badfish” which is track seven is probably my favorite track off of the record. It’s one of their better known songs. There’s some irony in the meaning to the song in relation to Nowell’s issues with heroin. The term “badfish” is reference to someone who gets another person(s) addicted to heroin. The beginning of the song sounds like a scene at a bar where the guys are meeting up. Again, very Reggae-forward upbeat flowing song. However, the lyrics are pretty dark and imply exactly what a “badfish” is. The person is the song is wanting to get “off of this reef” so they aren’t lured into taking heroin and becoming a prisoner to it.

The last track I’m going to mention is “Date Rape.” This is one of their most popular songs. Nowell said he was inspired by the idea of this song from a party he was at. The conversation was talking about how bad date rape was until some dude spoke up and said “Date rape isn’t so bad. If it weren’t for date rape, I’d never get laid.” The latter part of that quote is a lyric in the song. For me this is somewhat of a fantasized scenario of how any asshole who does or even attempts to take advantage of a woman should end up. The narrative goes into the creep getting caught by the police and having the justice system not buy any of his lies. The song ends with the creep getting a “taste of his own medicine” while in jail. The song is really a precautionary tale of what can happen to you if you attempt to try something as fucked up as date rape.

A lot of the music experiences in my life are letting groundbreaking, incredible music by me go unnoticed in real time. Only to discover it later, sometimes decades later, and then double back to go experience it. In a sense this could be true for a lot of the listeners of Sublime. Unfortunately, it was somewhat prompted by the loss of Brad Nowell. The band’s work during the early-to-mid 90s is somewhat immortalized. “40 oz. to Freedom” would go on to become certified multi platinum. Shit, “Sublime” the self-titled album was certified diamond earlier this year around it’s 30th anniversary. The band understandably broke up after Nowell’s death. However, I mentioned Jakob, Brad’s son who was only 11 months old at the time of his death. In 2023, Bud and Eric started to play with Jakob at various gigs. A couple years later, they announced that there would be work on a new Sublime album. That album was released only 2 months ago from the time of this note on June 12. To be honest, I have yet to check it out. “Until the Sun Explodes” has already charted 19th on the US Billboard 200 and 4th on the US Top Rock & Alternative Albums. Despite the 30-year gap between album releases, there are still a lot of listeners who are dedicated to Sublime.

Love,

Dad

*Quick note. This is in essence one of my own experiences of being “Late to the Record.” There is a wonderful series by called “Late to the Record” that I highly recommend checking out!

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Hi Son,

I wanted to check in to try to help get through a difficult couple of weeks. Your mom has been going through more difficulty with her chronic pain and the recent attempt in changing her medication regiment has not worked well. Hopefully after tomorrows doctor visit, there will be another change but in the right direction. This is one of many things weighing on my soul. What I try to do is not look too holistically on the stressors and focus on what I can control. It also helps to just get out frustration and stress by expressing it through music. One of my favorite songs by Pearl Jam is from their “Vitalogy” record called “Not For You.” I had described it several months ago when I told you about the entire “Vitalogy” album, however it’s one of many of their songs that I can spend an entire note telling you about.

Normally songs with loud noise or angry vocals help me get through difficult periods in life. “Not For You” provides a certain kind of controlled chaos and vitriol that fits the type of music I seek. The song itself is one of my top 5 in the entire catalog. It always stood out to me when I first listening to “Vitalogy” and it has aged as well as any of their work in the mid-90s. The song is almost 6 minutes long and it does not waste a second. The music throughout ebbs and flows with tensely sung lyrics by Eddie and colorful grungy guitar riffs that fill the space when Eddie is not singing. It provides one hell of a roller coaster ride.

The meaning of the song is a message the detractors in the media. To individuals who believed the band was headed in too eclectic of a direction. This era of Pearl Jam was “Not For You” if you were in either of the aforementioned groupings. The same can apply to your own personal detractors and frustrations in life. It begins with a three-note guitar riff that seems simple, but when simple is executed with flawlessness and intensity it’s about as perfect as it gets. Eddie comes in with the vocals blending in well with the guitars and intense drumming by Dave Abbruzzese. The message is terse and poignant.

Restless soul, enjoy your youth
Like Muhammad, hits the truth
Can't escape from the common rule
If you hate something, don't you do it too

The beginning to me is a message to myself. Stop wallowing in everything. Life is difficult. Responsibility does not go away, it increases with age. Don’t blow your present by drowning in what you can’t control.

“Small my table, sits just two
Got so crowded, I can't make room
Oh, where did they come from? Stormed my room!
And you dare say it belongs to you”

My mind is already occupied with enough thoughts. I can’t take on anymore noise at the moment. Anything being said in my direction feels like it’s coming too fast and I can’t keep up. You don’t get my attention or any part of my time. This is “not for you.”

The music and the vocals go from terse to somewhat blurry. The mind has now taken control and the thoughts begin to overtake my being. Eddie’s voice blends in even further with what sounds like a swaying guitar riff. Everything is swirling around! I can’t focus on anything. I can’t hear any sound that is outside of my head.

Scream...my friends...don't call me...
...Friends, no they don't scream...
...My friends don't call...my friends don't...

The music then gets suddenly quiet. The same three-note riff is played but softly. Then Jeff’s bass begins to fill the void of sound and Eddie begins to sing at a low volume. I’ve been able to get my mind together and begin to calm myself down.

All that's sacred, comes from youth
Dedications, naive and true

Now that I’ve re-centered myself I’m able to push back against what I can’t control. The music begins to pick up momentum and Eddie’s voice gradually intensifies. Pearl Jam is one of the best when it comes to composing a bridge in a song. The bridge in “Not For You” is arguably their best. Again, the music is not complicated. However, the execution of intensity from medium to low into what comes next is flawless. As the next two lines are sung, at end of the second line “don’t you” is screamed angrily into the mic.

With no power, and fuckin' nothing to do
I still remember, why don't you...don't you..

Eddie is full throat and the guitars and drums have reached their maximum intensity. It’s as if the entire song was building up to this crescendo. “This is not for you” is yelled over and over in tandem with the grungiest sound the band ever produced. The uncontrollable problems, my time is not for you. My mind is not for you. My fragile emotions are not for you. Get the fuck out!

This is not for you
Oh, never was for you...fuck you...

The vocals finish but the guitars and drums continue to press on, in somewhat of a jam session for the next 1-2 minutes. Stone is aggressively pouring out a riff behind the rest of the sound. All I feel is just a release of pent up frustration. Then all of a sudden everyone backs off, except for Eddie. He’s not singing. He’s strumming. It’s as if fireworks have exploded in the sky and the colorful sparks are falling down to Earth as if they are a gentle snowfall. The quiet riff by Eddie for the last minute of the song represent mental clarity. Patience has been restored. I’m ready to deal with responsibility again.

Love,

Dad

Hi Son,

I’m polishing off a Liquid Death - Peanut Butter Cup water as I write this to you today. One of the first things I wrote you was about the band 311. I told you how gullible I was to believe some kids who were saying the band was about white supremacy (3-11, 11th letter of the alphabet is ‘K’). I got through that knowing how wronged I was and was open again to 311 when I was in high school. Now I wasn’t listening to much new alternative rock from 1996-2000. I was immersing myself in the Beatles and a lot of other stuff from the 60s and 70s for most of that time. So when I finished my freshman year of college, I heard there was a new record of theirs coming out. I figured, why not? It’s been a long while since I’ve heard them put out anything. So I went to Best Buy or Circuit City, something like that and picked up their second studio album, “From Chaos.”

When I first listened to the album, I skipped around on it a lot. At the time I bought the CD they had just released their first single “You Wouldn’t Believe.” It has a really catchy opening riff and is a fairly upbeat 311-sounding track. It was track #3 on the CD, so when I put it into my Discman and played it in my Grand Prix, I immediately skipped to it. The next song I would skip to was track #5, the title track “From Chaos.” It began with the song’s chorus right out of the gate and then went into S.A. doing uptempo rapping. It was another catchy tune. Then I skipped to Track #7 called “Champagne.” It was a very laid back and stripped down song (for 311), where even S.A. ends up singing the bridge. I rarely ever hear S.A. sing vocals on a 311 song. It’s a beautiful song. Next song I skipped to was Track #10, “Amber.” Same type of vibe from “Champagne,” it was much more romantic. “Amber is the color of your energy.” Such a beautiful line that was easy to hum to. The last track I would consume was the closer, “I’ll Be Here Awhile.” Another laid back song with does have acoustic guitar in it. The song is fairly reggae and is a nice way to close out the record. I would listen to their second studio album a lot that summer, mainly just skipping around those songs.

The summer of the first year that your mom and me starting dating, she had scored a couple of tickets to the annual day music festival hosted by “96.5 the Buzz.” It was held at Sandstone Amphitheater (I don’t know what in the hell it’s called now, the venue keeps changing depending on what company owns it). The event was called “Beach Ball 2” and was headlined by 311. I was mainly interested in hearing Dashboard Confessional that day, but it was a rough performance for them given Chris Carraba feeling under the weather. So I thought cool! I get to see 311 perform a lot of good stuff from their “Self-Titled“ and “From Chaos” records. I even heard there was a record recently released called “Don’t Tread On Me.” I hadn’t really heard anything on that yet. So as it started to become dusk, the band began taking the stage. Pretty much all of the seating filled up at this point in anticipation.

I do want to quickly point out that your mother couldn’t go to the event. Something came up fairly last minute (I believe a wedding) and she was actually cool enough to give me the tickets and not make me go to the wedding with her. So I took one of my best friends from college and we went with a handful of people we used to hang out with in Maryville, MO. As far as the show goes, I can’t remember what the set list was exactly. I don’t remember what they opened with or closed with. Throughout the set list they played songs that weren’t off of “Self Titled,” “From Chaos” or “Don’t Tread On Me.” Everyone else was singing along to them. Did I miss something?? They then announced that they were going to play one of their earliest songs, “Homebrew.” Wait a second…that wasn’t off of “Self Titled.” Was it a single or EP that I hadn’t heard of. Why does so many people know the lyrics?!?! Then it hit me. “From Chaos” wasn’t their second studio album. Also more importantly, "Self Titled” wasn’t their first studio album. So your rube of a father had found out afterward that “Self Titled” was their third studio album and “From Chaos” was their sixth. Yeah. That’s how sheltered I made myself from Alternative Music until I was 24 in 2006.

Their mainstream success didn’t come until “Self Titled” so there’s a bit of grace there from not knowing there were two before it. However, to miss on both “Transistor” and “Soundsystem” was pretty damn embarrassing. So just as I did several times before, I took to eBay and bought used copies of “Transistor” and “Soundsystem.” I also found out there was another studio album before “Don’t Tread on Me!” It’s insanity, because I had heard the single (“Creatures (For a While)”) off of their seventh studio album, “Evolver.” I had a lot of catching up to do. I got a copy of “Evolver” and “Don’t Tread on Me.” I then burned a CD from taking various tracks off of their third-seventh studio albums and played it repeatedly later on that year. To keep a long story short, I loved catching up on what I missed. I also learned a lot more about their origin and the makeup of the band, which developed a lot of respect from me to them. Their first seven studio albums (I’ve heard the first two since streaming) are very good. The band is honestly one of my go-to’s in the summer months. That’s party why I am writing about them in August.

Now back to “From Chaos.” Up until my revelation, I mainly only listened to half of the album as I explained earlier. I’ve listened to it several times in it’s entirety and it’s a decent album. Nothing to gush over. The song “Amber” ended up becoming a huge hit for them. It really is a beautiful song. “You Wouldn’t Believe” has help up really well over the years. I can tell you that most of the reason why I skipped around the album when I first owned it was because of the opening riffs of a lot of the tracks. A couple of them are quite brutal when I hear them. The first being “I Told Myself.” The opening and first 30 seconds or so is almost like nails on a chalkboard. When I finally got past that part and listened to the rest of the song, it’s actually a quite decent song. The chorus is really upbeat and S.A.’s rapping throughout is good. It’s just getting past the beginning! The second one being “Hostile Apostle.” It just has such a depressing and whiny beginning to it. As if Armageddon is about to take place. The rest of the song is all right. Again the first 30 seconds, I wish I could just skip that each time.

I’m really not going to go much more in depth of “From Chaos.” The first two tracks are quite good in “You Get Worked” and “Sick Tight.” I actually really enjoy it when Nick starts off the song singing “head rush!” My favorite song off of the album is “Champagne.” I honestly think it’s the most beautiful song I’ve heard them produce. The meaning of the song itself has been rumored to be about Nicole Scherzinger, who Nick was dating at that time. When I listen to the lyrics, it sounds like a couple who are really struggling to stay together. The main reason being that the woman in the relationship is more concerned about chasing her dreams than staying in her relationship.

“Champagne, California on the brain
She’s got an appetite for no refrains
Just verses, she curses as blood vessels burst in defiance
She made an alliance to the dark side of Hollywood”

The entire song is just very smooth. Like I mentioned before, S.A. sings the bridge of the song. He does a fantastic job. The beginning of the bridge always gets me.

“I know loving me isn’t easy
I’m home and next thing I’m leaving
But when I look at you it’s like praying with my eyes”

It’s an incredibly conflicting song that I usually will seek out if I’m listening to a compilation playlist of 311’s.

To really sum up the entirety of this admission to you. I think there’s one line from “You Wouldn’t Believe” which describes my knowledge of 311 before seeing them live that summer night in 2006. Your dad had a “head full of ideas that you wouldn’t believe.” Looking back at that 20 years ago, I really can’t believe I was so naive of 311’s work.

Love,

Dad

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Hi Son,

Today was a hard day. It may have not seemed that way to you, but your mom will attest that it is hard to read me when I’m struggling. Since her surgery last October, her pain management has been more difficult than before the surgery. I’ve told you before that I live every day in fear. I’m afraid that the pain won’t get any better than it is now. It concerns me because I can’t understand what she’s feeling. What is truly unbearable and what is tolerable?

Today was difficult because I started becoming paranoid at when it becomes unbearable. To be clear, I’ve seen her go through unbearable pain. It was largely responsible for her getting treatment for this issue. The thought that has started to creep into my head is “when is enough, enough?” Your mother has been upfront that none of those thoughts have crossed her mind. However, her best friend suffered from Fibromyalgia. I can’t confirm this, nor do I want to, but the pain made it almost impossible to live with. That friend who we lost almost 4 years ago, we named you after in her honor.

I’ve mentioned in the past when I have high anxiety that my go to is to find solitude. At work there is some solitude. I have an office, so I can close the door if I want to be left alone. However, I don’t like having my door closed unless I’m in a meeting. That in itself was just enough to prohibit any solitude. It was hard to focus on any one thing and I wasted a lot of time because of it. Things felt a lot better when I got home to you and your mother, but there’s a chance I’ll feel this way again tomorrow.

I shut and locked the front door
No way in or out
I turned and walked the hallway
And pulled the curtains down

How do I find the solitude to help me through the next instance? Will I spin out again and just sit at my computer wasting my day? Will I have difficulty leaving my office and having any social interaction with my coworkers?

I'd stay but my last tab left me
Ignored all my rounds
Soon I was seeing visions and cracks along the walls
They were upside down

It’s hard going through a day with internalizing a lot of anxiety. I’m afraid of what I might say or how awkward I will sound when I’m around others. It’s not that I’ve had actual interactions showcasing my uneasiness. The constant fear of it occurring keeps me from moving away from my desk.

I swallow my words to keep from lying
I swallow my face just to keep from biting
I swallowed my breath and went deep, I was diving, diving
I surfaced when all of my pen wasn't writing

So what do I do if I find myself in that situation? My job is flexible enough that if I left my office for an hour or so, no one would notice or even really care. It’s a big reason why I want to keep the job I have. I could just get into my car and drive for an hour. Or drive to a park and just sit in the parking lot in my car. What about taking a walk down and back on the road I can see when I look out of my office? I’m literally spitballing as I am writing this.

It's been about three days now
Since I've been aground
No longer overwhelmed and it seems so simple now
It's funny when things change so much
It's all state of mind

I have to give myself that opportunity. The opportunity could lead not only to getting through tomorrow, but to feel confident that I can deal with the anxiety again. There’s plenty to do tomorrow, but it’s not overwhelming. I only have one meeting in the morning, so I can’t make excuses to not find this critical time for myself.

I swallowed my breath and went deep I was diving, I was diving
I surfaced and all around me was enlightened

Thank you for letting me think out loud to you. In doing so, I feel more confident I can take on tomorrow until I get to see you and your mother when I get home. There are ways I can find that badly needed solitude.

Now I'm in hiding
I'm in hiding

Link to “In Hiding”

Love,

Dad

Hi Son,

It’s been almost a year since I wrote you about Sonic Youth. At that time I was going through a lot of stress, because there was a good chance your mother was going to need surgery again. I also mentioned that the type of music that gets me through times like those are very noisy and loud. There isn’t another band that fits those criteria better than Sonic Youth. However, when I came up with the idea to write you about the band again, I can’t say that I’m in that difficult head space. I really wanted to share you with what brought Sonic Youth up from the underground in 1988. Their first era was from 1981 up to this point. They were only known to those passionate about their style. There hadn’t been a song that really stuck in the mainstream. The song that brought them to the surface was “Teen Age Riot.”

This song is the epitome of cool. Anytime Sonic Youth makes a song palatable to the mainstream, it just sounds “cool.” It starts out with a very calm and relaxed guitar riff with Kim signing, amongst other verses:

Spirit desire, spirit desire
Spirit desire, we will fall
Spirit desire
We will fall

Then another guitar riff having a lot more energy starts and Steve hits his drumsticks in the background banging out the tempo. Of all the parts of the song that stands out to me the most, it’s Steve at this part. I honestly can’t remember many other songs starting out this way. There are other songs where Steve will do the same thing (he does this again midway through Teen Age Riot), but this is the example that stands out most. Thurston then comes in with the vocals. This is one song where his vocals are really understandable and tight. The song is nearly 7 minutes long and not a second is wasted. When it hit mainstream radio, it was edited down to just under 4 minutes. I can’t stand the radio edit. There’s so much missing that makes this song great. The meaning of the song is about an alternate reality where the front man for the band Dinosaur Jr., J Mascis, is the president of the United States. I’m honestly not sure why they picked J Mascis for this alternate reality. This song would become the opening track for the fifth studio album, “Daydream Nation.”

The album art is one of my favorites. It’s a painting by Gerhard Richter called “Kerze (Candle).” It was created in 1982 using oil-based paint. Richter re-created this image from a photograph. I think it’s quite fascinating how he was able capture the flame of the candle in a way that makes it look extremely realistic. Candles were an important symbol for Richter “as a silent protest against the regime.” However, as he painted “Kerze” he never intended it to have the “unequivocal meaning” of speaking out against the regime.

The other part of the album art is on each side of the double LP or the CD, depending on which media you own. The band mimicked the symbols that were used by Led Zeppelin on their fourth studio album. The first symbol (infinity) represented Lee. The second, the female gender symbol, represented Kim (as if there was another member of the band to give this to). The third was omega given to Thurston. The fourth and final, which is my favorite, was given to Steve. The image was a “demon-angel baby” holding drumsticks.

After “Teen Age Riot” comes “Silver Rocket.” It’s a contrast from the opening track. The song may be the “hardest” on the entire tracklist. The tempo is faster and Thurston’s vocals are more aggressive. Then we come to track 3, “The Sprawl.” I really enjoy this song. Mainly because Kim is doing the lead vocals. Some of the lyrics to the song were literally taken from “dialogue overheard from prostitutes, junkies and denizens on the streets of New York.”

I wanted to know the exact dimensions of hell
Does this sound simple? Fuck you
Are you for sale?
Does "Fuck you" sound simple enough?
This was the only part that turned me on
But he was candy all over

Most of the verses are Kim just reciting there words into the mic. Then the chorus comes along “Come on down to the store. You can buy some more and more and more and more.” The first line in that lyric was an “ad line for Macy’s department store on local NYC TV in the 1980s.” The second half of the song is purely instrumental. It’s really a jam session. The guitars are very euphoric and calming. Unlike these types of endings on previous records, it doesn’t have Lee and Thurston creating sounds by doing crazy random things to their guitars.

Track four is probably my favorite, “Cross the Breeze.” It begins heavy with Kim again doing the vocals. The first couple of minutes are instrumental and Steve is destroying the drums. For most of the verses, Kim ends the verse yelling “I wanna know. Should I stay or go?!?” Then the last third of the song is another instrumental, but less of a jam session. The music is serene and makes you feel like you are sitting on the beach feeling the breeze while watching the waves on the water. I could honestly listen to this part for hours at a time. I absolutely love it. Track 5 is “Eric’s Trip.” This is a Lee song (on vocals). I should point out that one of my favorite things about “Daydream Nation” is the relatively even split between Thurston, Kim and Lee doing lead vocals. The song sounds like the title. It’s kind of trippy, then again a lot of Lee’s songs are trippy. The origin of the song comes from the movie “Chelsea Girls.” The film was directed by Paul Morrissey and Andy Warhol. There is a monologue given by Eric Emerson while he was on LSD.

Track 6 is “Total Trash.” This song is in reference to the “Crack Epidemic” at that time in New York City. It’s an interesting song because it changes tempo throughout, until it speeds up into chaos toward the end. Track 7 is “Hey Joni” sung by Lee. It’s in reference to a couple of things. The title is an homage to Jimi Hendrix’s song “Hey Joe.” The reference to Joni is for Joni Mitchell. I’m not sure if the song is really in direct correlation to Joni’s past and present in 1988. The reason why I say this is because a lot of the lyrics are in reference to “Neuromancer,” a sci-fi novel by William Gibson. Unlike “Eric’s Trip” this song has a less “trippy” feel to it.

The last half of the album begins with “Providence.” The track is a couple of phone messages left by Mike Watt with a piano in the background. Thurston recorded “Providence” at his mom’s house using only a Walkman. Then comes track 9, “Candle.” I love the beginning of this song. The opening guitar riff gives me the vision of watching the sun rise. It feels like a great start to the last act of the record after an “intermission” from “Providence.” Track 10 is another Lee track called “Rain King.” This is my least favorite of the “Lee songs.” Then we get to Track 11, “Kissability.” This is a “Kim song” and probably my favorite vocals that she performs out of the songs she sings on “Daydream Nation.” What’s interesting about Kim is that she was very much against personifying the typical image of a woman in the music industry. The message I get from the song is how sick a lot of producers and other men in the music industry can lie to a woman about her perspective talent just so they can get closer to her.

Look into my eyes, don't you trust me?
You're so good, you could go far
I'll put you in a movie, don't you wanna?
You could be a star, you could go far

The chorus ends with the lines, “you drive me crazy, give us a kiss.” The voice inflection that Kim uses when she says those two lines is mocking the disgusting men who try to take advantage of women. I’ve said this before, but Kim was very much a trailblazer in the rock industry for women. This song is a great example of that.

The final track of “Daydream Nation” is called “Trilogy.” It’s broken down into three parts.

• Part A: The Wonder

• Part B: Hyperstation

• Part Z: Eliminator Jr.

The first two parts are sung by Thurston and are a combined 13 and a half minutes. Part B actually gave the inspiration for the name of the record.

It's an anthem in a vacuum on a hyperstation
Daydreaming days in a daydream nation

“Part Z: Eliminator Jr.” is sung by Kim. It’s actually much different than Parts A and B. The title is a cross between Dinosaur Jr. and ZZ Top. The song itself is about “The Preppy Killer,” Robert Chambers. He was also known as the “Central Park Strangler.” The music and vocals are pretty hard and up tempo. It’s a very poignant message about a very sick individual. Robert’s actually on parole until 2028 having only served 15 years of a 19-year sentence.

Tears cruise away, packed and then took a shit
The sky is ours, dark stains on his pants
Enough to make him blush around the bone
Take a walk in the park? Shit, yeah!

The record in itself has had a lot of influence going into the 1990s for the grunge and indie genres. I’ve said before my favorite record of theirs is “Sonic Nurse” but I will always recognize their best as “Daydream Nation.” It’s been called their “Magnum Opus.” Which now brings me to my soapbox. Sonic Youth should be in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. It’s maddening to me how many of the inductees are measured upon their record sales. However, this band is unequivocally the inspiration of a new generation of music. They also pushed the boundaries with the what could be done with a guitar. They had a serious presence in the 1990s after “Daydream Nation” and I would argue their best decade of music was their last. I just hope to hell they make the Hall of Fame within my lifetime.

Love,

Dad

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Hi Son,

This letter to you is going to cover the second disc of Pearl Jam’s “Lost Dogs” compilations of B-sides and rarities. Unlike how I broke down disc 1, I’m going to change the format a little bit. I’ll still touch every track on the second disc, but won’t necessarily make every song a section of it’s own. The second disc is a group of songs that I covet more than disc 1. A lot of the tracks touch upon themes of life, death and reflection. It has a much more heavy feel. Suffice it to day, these truly are deep cuts in that fact they touch my core.

The beginning of disc 2 starts with an acoustic guitar. Already it’s much more raw than the feeling from disc 1. “How good is he? How warm are his eyes?” After the first verse, the rest of the band comes in along the acoustic guitar. Eddie’s vocals are very restrained throughout the entire song. When Stone wrote this song, he had wanted to name it around the chorus that was written as “the answers in Plato,” however when Eddie sang the words they sounded like “the answers in Play-Doh.” Stone ended up changing from “Plato” to “Fatal” and that would become the name of track 1. The song was an outtake on “Binaural” despite it being Tchad Blake’s (producer) favorite song off of the sessions. “Fatal” then transitions into “Other Side” (track 2). What I like about disc 2 are that the transitions are much more fluid than they are on disc 1. It’s another stripped down song, however the whole band comes in right away. “Other Side” is a beautiful song. When Jeff wrote this song, it was a tribute to his parents who were married for 42 years. The words to me really tug at the heart strings. A lot of the lines end in the ilk of “ain’t the same without you here," insinuating the song is for a deceased long-time partner. I honestly wish this had made the tracklisting for “Riot Act” over a few other songs that Jeff wrote (e.g. “Help, Help” and “Ghost). I just love this song so much. Track 3 is a song that I wrote about at length in another note to you. “Hard to Imagine” is just spiritual. I tried to think of an adjective for the longest time to describe that song and it came to me as I was writing you about your grandmother’s experience with cancer. The entire song is a crescendo that builds and builds. “Things were different then, all is different now. I tried to explain, somehow.” That line almost brings tears to my eyes everything I hear Eddie sing it.

Track 4, “Footsteps,” is a song that I recently went over for you in a recent note. The music was written by Stone and sent to Eddie as a demo for him to write lyrics over. That and two other songs (“Alive” and “Once”) were his audition into the band. “Footsteps” on it’s own is a song of regret and blame. The person is near death because of their past actions in life and the reason is because of someone else. It’s a song that just includes an acoustic guitar and harmonica that provide background to Eddie’s vocals. Track 5 is “Wash.” Like “Footsteps,” it was written in the era of the sessions of making “Ten.” When I hear the beginning of the song, it feels like dawn is upon us and the sun is rising. This song is a spectacular one as an opener to a set list. It was played as an opener a lot when the band toured to promote their Self-Titled album. There’s a “fast” version of the song as the opener to a set they played on New Year’s Eve in 1992. Eddie also gives “Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch” the middle finger. Mark Wahlberg can still fuck off. Track 6, “Dead Man” is a really dark song. In some ways is a sister song to “Footsteps.” The theme is a man who is on death row. It was written for the film “Dead Man Walking” starring Sean Penn who would later become an ally to Eddie and the band. It’s another really good song, but a haunting one.

The next four tracks are all Ten Club Annual Holiday Singles. I touched on the tradition the band used to give their fan club (Ten Club) every holiday season. Tracks 7 and 8 are the A and B-Side of the 1999 Christmas single. “Strangest Tribe” has a really unique key and includes a harpsichord. Stone wrote this song when the “Christmas spirit really took hold” of him “one November night.” The lyrics are pretty much describing the birth of Christ. From what I understand this is from the standpoint of the Three Wise Men. It’s interesting how they title this song “Strangest Tribe” to somehow insinuate an upcoming event that seemed somewhat conspiratorial. “Drifting” is a much more straightforward song in the since that has Eddie playing the harmonica. Another song that is stripped down. The theme of the lyrics are about “enjoying the things you have and not wanting more.” The next two tracks are arguably the most famous of the Christmas singles. I discussed these somewhat in length when I covered the Ten Club Annual Holiday Singles. The first Christmas single was “Let Me Sleep.” A song about wanting to go to bed before Santa arrives and being anxious for Christmas morning. When I checked on the price of the single back in December it was between $228.98 and $275.00. Let’s check it again.

The price went up! Again, a future Father’s Day gift idea! Track 10 needs no introduction. “Last Kiss” was written by Wayne Cochran & the C.C. Riders. The cover was featured on a charity compilation album “No Boundaries: A Benefit for the Kosovar Refugees.” The proceeds from the sale of that album raised about $10 million dollars for refugees of the Kosovo War. The song found its way to mainstream and is still their highest-charting single.

The next two tracks are very unique. Track 11 is “Sweet Lew.” This is a spite song. Jeff idolized Kareem-Abdul Jabbar. In 1994, Jeff was going to be on the same basketball team as Kareem for a game to be televised by MTV. Kareem snubbed Jeff when Jeff went up to introduce himself. As he describes it in the “Lost Dogs” booklet “the bubble burst.” The name “Lew” pertains to Kareem’s birth-name, Lew Alcindor.

Build him high, build him tall, a haiku with a basketball
Tear 'em down, one and all, 7'2" is a long way to fall

Sweet Lew, how's the view?
Sweet Lew, how could you?

The song very much has a “Red Hot Chili Peppers” feel to it. Honestly, it almost sounds like Anthony Kiedis is doing the vocal. Then we get to track 12, “Dirty Frank.” This is far and away the creepiest song on “Lost Dogs” and maybe the creepiest out of the entire catalog. Legend has it that the band was touring with the Red Hot Chili Peppers and had a bus driver that looked very sketchy. They wrote the song on the premise that their bus driver in his spare time may have been a serial killer. The lyrics almost describe the infamous serial killer Jeffrey Dahmer and even call out “Dirty Frank’s” name as “Dirty Frank Dahmer.” During the song they discover that Mike (McCready) has been eaten! This also has a very “Red Hot Chili Peppers’ feel to it. The song itself is somewhat of a white whale for dedicated Ten Club concert goers. It’s only been played 7 times according to livefootsteps.org and the last time coming on September 9, 2006. I’ve heard some grumblings on how much fans hope they play the song live again. Then we come to track 13, “Brother.” On “Lost Dogs” this is an instrumental written by Stone. It’s very good. Originally recorded during the “Ten” sessions, the band would reissue “Ten” in 2009 that included “Brother” with lyrics included. It ended up being a pretty successful mainstream hit for the band and really sounds like it would have slotted onto “Ten” effortlessly.

The final track is “Bee Girl.” This song came about around the release of “Vs.” The booklet tells Jeff’s story about they had to be at a “studio on Capitol Hill” to be interviewed for “Rockline,” which was a nationally syndicated radio program. Jeff said they went through “two bottles of real cheap Cabernet.” During one of the breaks of the interview him and Ed recorded the song which was only played by them once. Jeff went on to say “what you hear is a one-time only version of a song we had constructed on the spot fueled by a couple of riffs, a page of notes and the almighty red.” It’s a cute song. The lyrics are a bit nonsensical, but the song listens very easily.

Now, when I described “Lost Dogs” on my previous note I mentioned that the track list contained 30 songs. There are only 30 tracks listed on the back of the CD case. However, if you notice the length of “Bee Girl” it is stated as 9:55. “Bee Girl” really enjoy lasts a few minutes, so what is the other 5-6 minutes? If you wait until the 6:02 mark, you will find a hidden track. The track is an outtake from “Riot Act” called “4/20/02.” The significance of the date involves the death of Layne Staley. The date is not when Layne passed away, but the date that Eddie found out about his death. Even back in 2002, information did not spread as quickly as it does now. The lyrics are lamenting the fact that Layne died of an overdose. Eddie also sings the following. It sounds like he is telling anyone who made fun of Layne’s vocals can STFU. Layne had a very distinct voice, like Eddie, and there were plenty of critics out there who liked to take a jab at him because of it. For the record, Layne’s vocals were brilliant. No one has or ever will sound like him. That’s part of what made him great.

So sing just like him, fuckers
It won't offend him
Just me
Because he's dead

Mike was pretty close with Layne. In 1994 they formed a side project called “Mad Season.” They went on to produce one brilliant record called “Above.” Mike had been going through a lot of issues with drug abuse in the 90s, like Layne did. Mike had hoped that forming Mad Season would help Layne want to become sober having being around other sober musicians. Mike and Layne would compose the music for “Above” together in only seven days. It was another significant blow to an era of music that Pearl Jam was heavily involved in. Of all the B-sides and rarities on “Lost Dogs,” the hidden track “4/20/02” ended up being the heaviest and most heart felt of them all.

Love,

Dad

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Hi Son,

When Jeff, Mike and Stone were searching for a lead singer (and also a drummer) to replace the late Andy Wood, they were introduced to Eddie through Jack Irons. Stone sent Eddie a cassette tape with five instrumentals that Eddie would write and record lyrics to three of the songs on the tape. The songs that he worked on were all related as a “mini-opera.” The name of the trilogy was dubbed by Eddie as the “Mamasan.” Here are the three songs that made up the story.

• Alive - Track 3 on Ten

• Once - Track 1 on Ten

• Footsteps - Originally the B-side on the “Jeremy” single

The story of “Mamasan” is of a boy who grows up traumatized and eventually becomes a serial killer. That boy, who is now a man, is apprehended and kept in prison waiting death row. There’s some relation of the beginning of the story to Eddie’s life. He did not grow up with his biological father. It was something he wasn’t aware of until he was in his late teens.

Son, she said, have I got a little story for you
What you thought was your daddy was nothin' but a...
While you were sittin' home alone at age thirteen
Your real daddy was dyin', sorry you didn't see him,
but I'm glad we talked...

Where this now comes into the “Mamasan” trilogy and diverges from Eddie’s reality is that the teenager in the story starts to remind his mother of her late husband. A husband who she came to find that she missed dearly.

Oh, she walks slowly, across a young man's room
She said I'm ready...for you

Her readiness is that she wants to make love to him. However, when she tries to do so she notices how uncomfortable her son is. Despite this, she tries to explain that she sees her husband in him trying to convince him it’s okay.

Is something wrong, she said
Well of course there is
You're still alive, she said

The trauma from those events greatly affected the son. It eats at him.

I admit it...what's to say...yeah...
I'll relive it...without pain...mmm...

The grief turns into anger and explodes. His ability to cope with his pain is completely lost. Rather than try to lessen his own despair, he decides to take out his wrath on others. It completely spirals.

I got a bomb in my temple that is gonna explode
I got a sixteen gauge buried under my clothes, I play...
Once upon a time I could control myself
Ooh, once upon a time I could lose myself, yeah...

There’s no going back. The torture of losing what was his innocence so early in his life has taken him to the point of no return.

Once, upon a time I could love myself, yeah...
Once upon a time I could love you, yeah, yeah, yeah...

Eventually he is caught and put on death row. From what I can tell, he still has his mother if he wants her. However, he wants no part of her. Don’t even bother trying. Moreover, he blames her for his actions.

Don't even think about reaching me. I won't be home.
Don't even think about stopping by. Don't think of me at all.
I did what I had to do. If there was a reason, it was you.

Now he’s stuck in his solitude. His thoughts are racing through his head. The harm that he has inflicted upon himself is noticed. Ever since that day when his mother tried to be intimate with him, he has been hating himself.

Voices in me head...ooh, voices
I got scratches, all over my arms
One for each day, since I fell apart

The haunting sound and image of his mother coming to him consumes his mind. This is how his life is going to end. A completely tortured soul. Absolutely tragic.

Footsteps in the hall, it was you, you...oh...
Pictures on my chest, it was you, you...oh...

It’s interesting to me that these three songs were essentially broken away from this sequence. Once and Alive were both on Ten, but not in the same sequence as “Mamasan.” Hell, Footsteps was left off altogether and was only accessible as a B-side for a short-lived “Jeremy” single that would not be re-pressed until a few years ago.

I really don’t know if there is anymore overlap between Eddie’s life experiences and learning about his biological father dying when he was very young of multiple sclerosis. Maybe it’s possible he went through a period where the pain and anger was festering so badly that he thought about harming others. Having the fact that his formative years were not with his biological father had to have put him into some type of tail spin. I’m just grateful it wasn’t severe enough that we wouldn’t have gotten to hear his music both as part of Pearl Jam and in his solo career.

Love,

Dad

Hi Son,

As I mentioned before, my journey with Pearl Jam didn’t begin until 2003. It was a little bit after they released their seventh studio album Riot Act. I was getting myself immersed in their catalog that year. The first album drop of theirs I got to experience, wasn’t a newly recorded release. It was a compilation of “B-sides and rarities.” Some of their rarities I mentioned last Christmas came in the form of special singles that were released during the holiday season. Some of those were included on this release. Most of the rest were B-sides of singles they released from their inception (ca. 1991) to 2003. A B-sides is exactly as it sounds. It has more to do with records (and cassette tapes) than it does with CDs. The A-side is typically the single itself (see “I Am Mine” below). The opposite side, the B-side, is another song that it typically not included on the album (see “Undone” below). I’ll be honest. I did not know this until recently. Your dad did not start buying vinyl until 2019 and whenever he bought a single back in the day, it was on CD. There are several outtakes as well, which were recorded for an album but not included.

The name of the compilation album is “Lost Dogs.” The album comprises of 30 tracks that total almost 2 hours of music and was split into 2 discs/records. Given this release has so many tracks on it, I am going to write you about disc 1 right now and then disc 2 at a later time. This will be a track-by-track breakdown, because I want to present the origin of each track and share some of the liner notes in the album’s booklet. There is a story behind every song from the band in the booklet.

Track 1: “All Night” Origin: Outtake from “No Code” Lyrics by: Eddie

Eddie and Stone tell their recollections about the summer heat in Chicago in 1995. Both of them mention several casualties from the intense heat throughout the city. The song itself is cool and pretty straightforward. However, I can’t picture it on “No Code.” It’s probably a good idea they left it off. The choruses have vocals added by at least Stone and maybe others of the band. I kind of get this 60s type of feel when I hear the song.

Track 2: “Sad” Origin: Outtake from “Binaural” Lyrics by: Eddie

This is one of the more puzzling outtakes in “Lost Dogs.” The reason being when I go through and listen to the entire tracklist of “Binaural” there are at least two tracks I could do without and replace with “Sad.” When I do listen to it, I don’t get the binaural sound that Tchad Blake infused into the record. Maybe that’s why it was left off. Honestly, hell if I know. It’s easily one of their best outtakes and does not make much sense as to why it was left off the album it was recorded for.

Track 3: “Down” Origin: Outtake from “Riot Act” Lyrics by: Eddie

The notes on this song are pretty interesting. Mike describes this song as something they wrote after him, Stone and Eddie saw Social Distortion play in LA. Eddie says that this song was one of his favorites during the recording of “Riot Act” however it “suffered from the “one thing is not like the others” syndrome.” I agree that I cannot picture this song on Riot Act. It’s pretty folksy and something I enjoy hearing when they play it live.

Track 4: Hitchhiker Origin: Outtake from “Binaural” Lyrics by: Eddie

I’m actually good that they left this off of “Binaural.” Unlike “Sad,” this really does not fit on the record. It’s kind of a weird sounding track, mainly because of Eddie’s vocals. The “hitchhiker” in the song is not what you think it is. Eddie describes the “hitchhiker” as “plants along the trails that attach spiny seeds onto the legs of anything passing.” This happened one time when him and his brother was taking a hike in the woods. Honestly, I can’t imagine this song on any of the studio albums.

Track 5: Don’t Gimmie No Lip Origin: Outtake from “No Code” Lyrics by: Stone

What’s fun about this song is the fact that Stone does the vocals. If you remember from my breakdown of “No Code” is that Stone sang lead on “Mankind.” It’s one of the aspect of “No Code” that I love so much. When I hear this song, it would slot in quite nicely into “No Code.” Maybe the band only wanted to cap the number of “Stone-sung” tracks to one. It’s a pretty fun and somewhat punky sounding song where “Don’t gimmie no lip. Don’t gimmie no lip. Don’t gimmie no.” is repeated a lot. I really enjoy this song.

Track 6: Alone Origin: B-side to the “Go” single Lyrics by: Eddie

I love this song. It’s also mentioned having been recorded during the “Ten” sessions. Mike says in the liner notes, “I always loved it. I don’t know why it never made it.” It could have slotted into “Ten” or “Vs.” pretty easily. Why it was left off of either really puzzles me. If you could have expanded the number of tracks on “Ten” then “Alone” would be the track I would add.

Track 7: In The Moonlight Origin: Outtake from “Binaural” Lyrics by: Matt

I believe Eddie had a serious man crush on Matt Cameron. Let’s be real. Who could blame him?!?! In the liner notes he calls Matt “the greatest drummer on the planet” which I am not sure he said about any of the previous drummers. This track is fine. I’m glad it didn’t make the cut for “Binaural” or any other record. Matt would go on to write better songs than this. Especially in “Riot Act” and “Gigaton.”

Track 8: Education Origin: Outtake from “Binaural” Lyrics by: Eddie

I feel like there are a lot of outtakes from “Binaural” on disc 1 of “Lost Dogs.” It probably could have fit over a couple of other tracks. I want to go ahead and tell you what tracks I am pertaining to. Those would be “Sleight of Hand” and “Soon Forget.” This track is fine, but not one that I would hope to hear on a set list if I see the band live.

Track 9: Black, Red, Yellow Origin: B-side on “Hail, Hail” Lyrics by: Eddie

I used to listen to this track on “Lost Dogs” repeatedly. It’s a really cool and punk sounding. Ed’s vocals are monotone for the most part, but I love it. The inspiration for the song? That would be one of the more infamous professional athletes of the 1990s, Dennis Rodman. The song title pertains to the color of his hair while playing for the Chicago Bulls. The song also mentions “Freud walking the sidelines” which Eddie admits in the liner notes is Phil Jackson (head coach of the Bulls). It’s one of my favorite B-sides and really songs they’ve ever written. I mean shit, your old man was even gushing about it on a podcast once.

Track 10: U Origin: B-side in “Wishlist” Lyrics by: Eddie

I really enjoy this song. It does not fit on “Yield” whatsoever, but it’s a really cool jam. Eddie says he wrote the song “in a car on a ten minute drive.” I mean damn. That makes me like this song even more. He also said had the “trip would have been any longer I’m sure the song would have been more complex.” I’m not sure how much more complex “U” could have been. It’s fine where it’s at.

Track 11: Leavin’ Here Origin: Home Alive: The Art of Self Defense Compilation Lyrics by: Brian Holland, Edward Holland Jr., Lamont Dozier)

A cover that’s done well. The record it was included on was the “Home Alive: The Art of Self Defense Compilation” where Home Alive is a non-profit organization in Seattle. This is where one of the areas I believe in, the band also believes in. Your mother, grandmother (my mother) and aunt are three of the strongest people I have ever known. It breaks my heart to know many women are victimized because they are not viewed as strong or even equals. Knowing the band championed a cause to help those women would were wronged is why I love Pearl Jam so much.

Track 12: Gremmie Out of Control Origin: For Mother Ocean Vol 1. Lyrics by: Jimmy Haskell

This is a really fun cover. The origin ties back to the Surfrider Foundation. The foundation lobbies for the protections of oceans and beaches. It has all of the feels of an early 60s surfer song. It’s really cool to know this was made in support of a non-profit.

Track 13: Whale Song Origin: For Mother Ocean Vol 3. Lyrics by: Jack

I want to go on record saying my favorite drummer in the history or music is Jack Irons. Nothing against Matt, but if Jack could have endured the demanding touring schedule of Pearl Jam then it would have been udder worldly. Jack sings vocals on this song and does so very well. The older I have gotten, the more I love this song. Eddie says in the liner notes that “Jack Irons had heard that the heart of a whale was as big as a Volkswagen.” Your dad drives a VW, so cool. It’s awesome to know I drive a car as big as the heart of a whale.

Track 14: Undone Origin: B-side on “I Am Mine” Lyrics by: Eddie

If you were paying attention, I mentioned “Undone” at the beginning of my gibberish. It’s a good song, which honestly has no part on “Riot Act.” When I hear it, it would have had a chance on either “Ten” or “Vs.” The sound is just that dated. Eddie mentions in the liner notes that Matt had written a song called “Undone” that later became “You Are.” That song, “You Are” would become one of my favorites and a song I would dedicate to your mother.

Track 15: Hold On Origin: Ten outtake Lyrics by: Eddie

This song could easily slot into “Ten.” I think that “Hold On” is one of their better known outtakes. I love this song. Eddie says in the liner notes “if you love somebody, set them free…if someone loves you, don’t fuck it up.” This song to me just seems like someone who is just not able to hold onto anything good in their life. It’s a heart breaking song and also something I turn to when I fuck up being an adult. I really hope I don’t fuck up being an adult in crucial parts of your life.

Track 16: Yellow Ledbetter Origin: B-side on “Jeremy” Lyrics by: Eddie

Now we come to the consummate song as the set list closer for almost every live show the band has ever put on. This song more than any that I can remember gets a lot of shit for not being able to understand the words. So much there is a really funny YouTube video making fun of it. The words to the song, as I have understood, were made on the spot during a jam session. The main riff has a very Jimi Hendrix “Little Wing” sound to it. Mike describes it as “a riff loosely based on…something I had during the Ten sessions. I thought it was pretty. Eddie started making up words on the spot and we kept them. I still don’t know what it’s about and I don’t want to! I love it! Fans like it too!” This is probably one of the top two songs off of the entire “Lost Dogs” tracklist. I’ll cover the other on disc 2. It’s also been featured on the finale of “Friends” when Ross and Phoebe realize they went to the wrong airport to stop Rachel from leaving. This is a very iconic song of the bands, for better or worse. I can take it or leave it at this point, but whenever you hear it at a show it likely means the night is coming to a close.

So there is disc 1. A lot of outtakes that did not make their respective albums. I am really stoked to talk about disc 2, because there are a lot of track that I believe cut even deeper than disc 1. Back in the day, when I had a Discman, I would put in disc 2 more than disc 1. I look forward to sharing that experience with you.

Love,

Dad

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Hi Son,

I’ve mentioned that I used to listen to a podcast, which I started getting into a few months after you mom’s stroke. It was called Single Podcast Theory. I loved the podcast not only because they were all about Pearl Jam, but what made them special to me was how they interacted with their listeners. Your old man got his first experience of outreach when they read my first email I sent into the podcast over an episode in July 2018. They would spend well over an hour in a lot of episodes reading listener emails. They also included a segment called “Pearl Jam Story Time.” The segment allowed one fan to share their story about how they got into Pearl Jam. The episode they dropped on Christmas Eve 2018 told the story of Bill. Bill suffered from a brain tumor in the fall of 2011, which he had removed about a week after it was discovered. The type of cancer he had was a glioblastoma. There are two paths the patient can take when dealing with this type of cancer. The first path is a short one. Another tumor will grow after the first being removed and the person only has about one year to live. The second path is that a new tumor will not grow back and the person will live healthy for several more years. As Bill described it “there was a 50:50 chance” after the biopsy of his tumor being removed would reveal his fate. The prognosis for Bill was fantastic. He was told that his fate would be the second path.

A few years after Bill received his prognosis, he wrote a letter to Eddie and the band about his journey with cancer. Bill was going to attend an upcoming show in Tampa in 2016 and requested that “Hard To Imagine” be included in the set list. Not only did Bill receive his wish. Eddie gave a monologue as the opening riff to the song started telling the crowd that the song was dedicated specifically to him and mentioned his bout with brain cancer (I was not able to attach the video in this post, but the hyperlink is provided). It was a very touching story and I’m grateful Bill shared it with the podcast.

The song itself is one of the most emotional and retrospective in their catalog. It was not included on any of their studio albums. The first release of the song came on the soundtrack of the movie “Chicago Cab.” The band released it a second time on a compilation album, “Lost Dogs” a few years later. It starts with the verse shown below.

Paint a picture visions only grey
Light your pillow. Lay back. Watch the flames.
I'll tell a story but no one would listen that long. It’s hard to imagine.

When I hear these lyrics, I think of the fear of sharing one’s troubled past. The fear that their story will be met with pessimism. One thing I usually internalize is what is troubling me. I don’t want others to believe I am an overly negative person. It’s so difficult because sometimes hearing yourself say the words of what is eating away at inside of you is therapeutic. It’s also a cry for help that I’m afraid others will ignore. I don’t want to be a burden. It’s possible Bill or someone else is in position was afraid of becoming a burden because of his cancer diagnosis. From what I know about him, he was anything but a burden and there were many who wanted to be there for him in that time of need. It’s hard to imagine sometimes the pouring of support will come in your darkest hour.

Tear into yourself count days on your arm.
Ah the beating ticking like a bomb.
After having seen all that they saw.
It's hard to imagine

This is a verse that I don’t relate to Bill’s situation. The lyrics give me a sense of someone who is struggling with trauma. They’ve seen something devastating in their life. It’s affected them in such a way that person is considering or already performing self harm. The pain from hurting one’s arm is a way to cope. Your mother’s struggle has been difficult to witness at times. Especially in the beginning. The beginning was very traumatic. However, taking the steps to help one’s self with the struggle of the trauma makes those suicidal feelings feel distant. Looking back in retrospect, it is hard to imagine many years later.

Things were different then. All is different now.
I tried to explain. I hope this works somehow.
Things were different then. All is different now.
I tried to explain. Oh, somehow.

Eddie sings this chorus several times throughout the song. The music and his vocals really hit a crescendo in the last minute. It’s as if the person is crying out emphatically they have distanced themself from the negative thoughts. They aren’t the same person. “Things were different then.” It’s a different narrative. “All is different now.” This song is so spiritual when you lose yourself in it.

After hearing Bill’s story on Single Podcast Theory, I reached out to the podcast hosts (Brad Blazek and Brad Lyons) to see if they could put me in touch with them. I was floored by the prognosis he received. Why this affected me so directly is because your grandmother (my mother) had a glioblastoma removed for her brain 2 months before hearing this podcast episode. The “Brads” from the podcast put me in touch with Bill. He was incredibly forthcoming when I got to talk with him over the phone. At this time our family was waiting to hear the biopsy results from your grandmother’s tumor. Bill even offered to talk to your grandmother directly for support and did so. It was one of the most selfless acts I have experienced in my life. That sequence of events also reinforced what a tight bond several fans of Pearl Jam have, regardless of whether they know one another or not.

We received your grandmother’s prognosis shortly after our interactions with Bill. She unfortunately was on the other side of the 50:50 odds. While Bill did help provide hope in such a critical point of our family’s lives, we also were expecting the fate your grandmother was given. We were able to spend time with her until October 2019, about a year after her diagnosis. What was fortunate is that she was with us when your aunt came down from Idaho with your oldest cousin who was only weeks old. We believed she was holding on until she could be around her grandson.

The reason why this has surfaced for me is because I am going to write you about the compilation including “Hard To Imagine.” The thoughts and feelings I had surfaced when hearing this song again. It’s something I felt very compelled to share with you.

Love,

Dad

Hi Son,

It was 250 years ago today when the Declaration of Independence was signed. The Revolutionary War was won by 13 colonies and this document was the announcement that they were breaking away from Great Britain. That would be the beginning of 13 original colonies becoming 50 states covering the middle of North America along with Alaska and Hawaii. “The Land of the Free” is where we reside. A land that was colonized by immigrants from northern Europe. Now many people of that ancestry no longer consider their lineage to be of immigration, but now of founding natives. It’s ignorance to me, because our lineage had different skin tones and spoke a different language than the civilization that was largely displaced. It’s difficult for me to get my head around this kind of thinking. There is a lot to be grateful for living where we do. However, I get exhausted thinking of those who turn up their nose at someone who “doesn’t speak English” and is somehow “displacing their lives.” I grew up loving the Fourth of July. Mainly because I got to blow a bunch of shit up in your great aunt and uncle’s backyard in rural Missouri. I struggle with it now. The overlying reason being that there was enough of a population to vote back in an individual who did not respect the tradition of “peaceful transfer of power.” It’s not the country I was raised to live in and I fear this will happen again 2+ years from now. Normally when this time of year comes around, I feel like listening to Rage Against the Machine. It provides some relate-ability to what I am feeling about the people occupying our nations capital. The words from Zack De La Roca help put a lot of context to my feelings.

I wrote to you a year and a half ago after the second inauguration of he who will not be named on this letter about Rage’s first record. Just seeing and hearing every thing going on the moment that person was given the keys to the Oval Office again enraged me. In all honesty, I don’t feel that same intensity as I did in January 2025. Unfortunately, I believe it’s because some of what has been implemented from that administration has become normalized. It has been mentally and emotionally trying. A lot of their first record was scathing and provided a lot of shock value to the music industry and the public. The music from their self-titled album was also phenomenal. Three and a half years later their second album, Evil Empire, was released on April 16, 1996. Evil Empire would experience immediate success having reached #1 on the US Billboard 200 within it’s first week. It would reach triple platinum status (3M+ copies sold) only 4 years after it’s release.

Now since my letters to you typically describe my personal experience and how I learned about the record, I’ll take a step back to the same year Evil Empire reached triple platinum status, 2000. This will come as no surprise to you, but your dad was a band geek. I played trumpet in high school in both Concert Band and Marching Band and then continued that into college. As I’ve said many times, it wasn’t until college when I finally started to catch up on all of the music I did not get into from the 1990s. The Bearcat Marching Band: “The Musical Pride of the Northwest” would march into the football stadium for every home game. Half of the time, the band would screw around and do some funny-looking stepping (like sideways, or crouching down and going around orange cones in a snake formation). Make no mistake, we were no Ohio State, but we still put on a show. Well at least I felt like the center of attention for about 10 minutes before every football game. The drumline would play a cadence whenever the rest of the band was not playing their instruments. One of the cadence’s went “dum dum dum, dum dum dum, dum dum dum.” After that the band shouted “Come Wit’ It Now!” The first time I did that, I had no damn clue what I was imitating. It would be a few more weeks of this before I finally took the time to find out why I yelled that phrase.

That phrase, “Come Wit’ It Now” was the opening lyric to Rage’s song “Bulls On Parade.” What I did not expect was the “kick you in the balls” guitar riff and opening before Zack shouted that line. It is one of the most intense and raw songs I have ever heard in my life.

“The microphone explodes, shattering the molds
Either drop tha hits like de la O or get tha fuck off tha commode”

Oh I’m off the toilet, Zack! Then the chorus is just loud, but also sublime in my ears. For me it’s the most raw and intense vocal that Zack does on any song in Rage’s catalog.

“Rally round tha family! With a pocket full of shells
They rally round tha family! With a pocket full of shells
They rally round tha family! With a pocket full of shells
They rally round tha family! With a pocket full of shells”

The message behind the song is profound. It’s a criticism of the weapon’s industry and it’s perception that it encourages war. “What we don’t know keeps the contracts moving.” It’s a very direct message that most militia, namely the US military, does not truly believe in using it’s power for peace, but more for beating the other parts of the world. When I say the military is responsible, I mean that the people in charge of the military namely the Secretary of Defense and Commander in Chief.

The name of the record, “Evil Empire” came from a speech made by Ronald Regan when speaking of the Soviet Union. He called the USSR the “Evil Empire.” The band using the same moniker to describe how easily the United States can be perceived in the same way by the rest of the world. “Bulls on Parade” is the second track of the record. The opener is “People of the Sun.” The opening riff by Tom is much more dialed back than “Bulls on Parade.” Zack comes in with “Yeah people come up” and then Brad Wilk comes in with the drums followed by Tim’s bass and then Zack begins ripping off the lyrics. It’s an excellent opener. Just like “Bulls on Parade” the sound is more raw than their self-titled album. The feeling I get from that is that the message is more poignant given the tone. The first three tracks of “Evil Empire” would actually be the only three singles released off of the record. Track three is “Vietnow.” The message of the song is in response to “right-wing AM radio shows.” Shit, if only this song were released in the last 10 years. If the band thought there was a message to be sent in 1996, that has now amplified exponentially. It’s also believed that the lyrics were influenced by James Baldwin’s novel, “Go Tell It On the Mountain.” The book is not directly written about Baldwin, but it’s believed to largely be about his upbringing in 1930s Harlem. Baldwin himself is one of the most influential civil rights activists who spread his message mainly through his writing.

Track 6, “Tire Me,” won a Grammy for Best Metal Performance in 1996. The message criticizes Capitalism and the constant villainizing of Communism. It suggests the government using the conflict of the Cold War as a way to convince citizens that Capitalism is the way of the good. Rather than allow the public to judge for itself, the government overbearingly wants the country to champion it’s belief system. The lyrics repeat “Ya tryin’ to tire me…Why don’t you get from in front of me” to suggest pulling the wool over your eyes. The music is very good. I’m kind of surprised though this would be the “Best Metal Performance” given there are other tracks on “Evil Empire” that I would have put ahead of it, namely “Bulls on Parade.” The next track “Down Rodeo” is a great song that I constantly overlook. I had mentioned to someone else that I only listen to it when I put on the record, rather than seek the song on its own. It’s another scathing criticism that lives today. The social inequality between rich and poor. The song was written a few days after the 1992 LA Riots which happened in response to the verdict of the Rodney King trial. The chorus was saying from the perspective of a poor individual protesting during that event, while traveling down one of the richest neighborhoods in the country. Suggesting their ancestry prospered from slavery.

“I’m rollin' down Rodeo with a shotgun, These people ain’t seen a brown skin man, Since their grandparents bought one.”

Track 8 is “Without a Face.” This song speaks volumes today given what has happened since January 2025 by the Department of Homeland Security’s goons called ICE. It speaks to the hardships of immigrants coming into the US from Mexico and how difficult the US is making it. The title of the song speaks to the label that all immigrants from Mexico are treated as “nameless people.”

“Walk unseen past the graves and the gates
Born without a face
One motive, no hope, uh
Yeah, born without a face”

Many individuals taken into custody by ICE have been treated inhumanly. Especially while they are detained. There have been many stories about detention centers overcrowding and under resourcing detainees. In my opinion the whole process implemented by DHS is completely wrong.

The closer on “Evil Empire” is “Year of tha Boomerang.” This song was recorded a few years before and included on the soundtrack for the movie “Higher Learning.” The movie focuses on incoming freshman college students who experience issues surrounding race and sexual abuse. The lyrics of the song describe the potential of an uprising against capitalism and corporations which oppress the working class from benefiting off of better living wages and health care. “I got no property but yo, I’m a piece of it.” There’s a really good review by The Gator describing this song and the entire album.

I realize I hardly talked about the music in “Evil Empire.” Like the rest of Rage’s music, it’s intense and loud in the best sense of those two terms. The essence of their work has always been their message. The themes they cover in “Evil Empire” are just as prevalent today than they were 30 years ago. It’s overwhelming to think we are still raging about the same issues today, if not more. I can’t remember a time in my life until now where the government is trying like hell to keep the public at bay to better the financial elites in society. It feels hopeless. The anthems of Rage Against the Machine continue to stress to society to question authority and notice the lack of equality in race, sexuality and financial wellness. I hope so badly when you are old enough to live on your own the direction of the United States has broken away from the oppression many of our neighbors experience. Unfortunately 250 years hasn’t been long enough to get there.

Love,

Dad

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Hi Son,

I know I just wrote you earlier today, but I to cope with something. I’ve lived in fear since that night eight years ago. The possibility of having to relive that experience haunts me. I just didn’t know how deeply buried inside it was. Your mother was on the floor when I opened the bathroom tonight. To quickly eliminate the worst possibility, I will tell you that she was okay. We had an argument tonight that did not end well and I think she was laying down trying to cope. Regardless, that moment triggered me. I felt feelings and had memories rushing through my head unlike I had felt since January 2018. I really did not know that was in me. For years I’ve felt somewhat drained of emotion. There have been times I’ve cried when we had to let go our cats and relatives, but nothing like this. The one thing I was grateful for is that you were too young to realize what was happening. However, there was a moment later where you climbed onto the couch and snuggled next to me. I’m not sure if you sensed what was going on with me, but having you there along with your mother comforting me helped me come back down. It was far and away the most vulnerable you have seen me.

When I was dealing with your mother’s recovery in 2018, one of Pearl Jam’s songs really helped me. I’ve often called it the most vulnerable song in their catalog. I talked some about “Immorality” when I talked about “Vitalogy.” I did not share how critical it was to me during that time.

Vacate is the word...vengeance has no place on me or her
Cannot find the comfort in this world

There was no solace for me that year. On top of watching your mother slowly come back to the person I fell in love with, there were other factors with a family member in particular. I was so afraid. Nothing felt safe. Then your grandmother developed a brain tumor that fall. There was absolutely no comfort for me in this world.

Holier than thou, how?
Surrendered...executed anyhow
Scrawl dissolved, cigar box on the floor...

This is an infamous lyric because it has been claimed to be a reference to Kurt Cobain’s death. Cobain shot himself. There was a good period of that year where I considered self harm. It was so hard for me to find reasons to continue in this world. Luckily I did reach out for psychological help and was prescribed medication to help with the intense mood swings I was experiencing. If I hadn’t done that, I’m not sure if I would still be here today.

I cannot stop the thought...I'm running in the dark...
Coming up a which way sign...all good truants must decide...

So many times I just wanted to isolate myself in the dark away from everything and everyone. The relationship I feel with this lyric is not necessarily that I’m running in the dark. If anything I was running to the dark. However, the “which way sign” was something of a symbol of how impossible it was to escape. Which way do I go? Does it even matter? If I do go toward the dark, then I could be leaving the woman I love who has been through a worse hell than I experienced.

Truants move on...cannot stay long
Some die just to live...

The last line of “Immortality” is an incredibly sobering statement. While I felt for a while that I needed to leave this Earth, I still felt pain and compassion for others who were in the same place. Especially those who did go down that path, who I knew earlier in life. One of my best friends in high school and college lost his father that way. The devastation he felt, his mom felt and sister, is something I would never want to put on your mother or you. I don’t have those thoughts. A lot has happened since 2018 to where I feel a strong purpose. I’m never going to leave you and your mother in that way. I promise.

Love,

Dad

Hello, this is your Midnight Marauder program
I'm on the front of your cover
I will be enhancing your cassettes and CDs
With certain facts that you may find beneficial
The average bounce meter for your Midnight Marauder program will be in the area of 95 BPMs
We hope that you will find our presentation precise, bass-heavy, and just right
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Hi Son,

I’ve talked to you about how a big part of my early influence in music was Hip-Hop. I went over DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince, the Fugees and also Lauryn Hill, Tupac and Bone Thugs-n-Harmony. The early to mid-90s is far and way my favorite era of Hip-Hop. I fell off in the late 90s and starting to ignore it largely in the 2000s. One group that I missed out while getting into the aforementioned artists (I’m also going to talk about Busta Rhymes in a future post, who has ties to this group) is A Tribe Called Quest. I’m really not sure how I missed them. Maybe it was because of the West Coast/East Coast drama taking over that part of the decade. They initially blew up with their second studio album, “The Low End Theory” in 1991, which was just before I really started getting into the genre. Their music does not fit the Gangsta Rap moniker. That could be a reason why I missed out. The founding members of the group were Q-Tip, Phife Dawg, Ali Shaheed Muhammad and Jarobi White. Jarobi would not stay with the group for long. After their debut album was released, he left to pursue the culinary arts. Q-Tip and Phife provided the lyrics and Ali Shaheed was the DJ.

A Tribe Called Quest consists of four members
Phife Dawg, Ali Shaheed Muhammad, Q-Tip, and Jarobi
A-E-I-O-U, and sometimes Y

After going back and listening through their discography, the album that I love the most if their third release, “Midnight Marauders.” The record was dropped on November 9, 1993. I would have been in sixth grade at this time. According to Wikipedia, the Midnight Marauders were a group of “71 different luminaries and radio DJs.” The album artwork features the members of the Midnight Marauders. None of these luminaries consist of the Hip-Hop artists I listened to in the mid-90s. So essentially the list of artists on the record cover is a laundry list of rappers and DJs that I need to catch up on! The record went platinum on January 11, 1995 which happened to occur in 21 less days than their highly-lauded second record, “The Low End Theory.” Rolling Stones, who occasionally publishes a “500 Greatest Albums of All Time” list has “Midnight Marauders” at 201 (from 2020).

Seven times out of ten, we listen to our music at night
Thus spawned the title of this program
The word maraud means to loot
In this case, we maraud for ears

What I really enjoy about the concept of this record is the robotic-sounding voice which intros and outros throughout the tracklist. The voice was performed by Laura Dann. The first track on the record is a blurb spoke by Laura introducing you to the record and giving some description of the style of music you’re about to listen to. The second track is “Steve Bilko (Stir It Up).” It’s a really good opening (unofficial) track. What I love about Tribe’s style is how fluid and smooth their delivery is. A lot of that has to do with Q-Tip, who is the main producer of the group. Q-Tip is quite simply the most suave-sounding rapper I have ever listened to. His delivery is just flat out butter and his image supports it. He is quite simply one of the coolest dudes I have ever seen. Back to the name referenced in the song. Steve Bilko, was considered the “Father of Black Consciousness” because of his activism during the Anti-Apartheid Movement. He was murdered during an arrest in 1977 (by police officers). His coffin he was laid to rest in has a clenched fist engraved onto it. It is considered a symbol of Black Power.

You're not any less of a man if you don't pull the trigger
You're not necessarily a man if you do

I’m not going to cover all of the thirteen tracks on the record, but will go over the ones that have meant the most to me. Track 3 is one of their singles called “Award Tour.” It is probably the most popular track on “Midnight Marauders.” The music and the drums are awesome. The lyrics to me are mostly talking about the group touring the world, while mentioning their DJ, Ali Shaheed” as “we’re on a world tour, with Muhammad, my man.” It’s far and away one of the best songs in their entire catalog. Track 5 is “Sucka N***a.” An article written by the Guardian in 2007 describes the group’s lyrics as an “address of the emotive power of the N-word.” One of the definitions of emotive is “causing strong emotions often in support of or against something.” There is no question how incredibly cruel the White Community has abused the Black Community with the N-word for centuries. The flip side is that it has become a slang term in Black culture and is frequently used in Hip-Hop. It isn’t a word that I will ever intend on uttering again and I sure as hell will raise you to condemn it. The music on the song is a loop sampled from the song “Red Clay” by Jack Wilkins. I really enjoy how they used Wilkins’ music, especially the bass that resonates throughout.

Did you know that the rate of AIDS in the Black and Hispanic community is rising at an alarming rate?
Education is proper means for slowing it down

Track 8 is another single off of the record, “Electric Relaxation.” This is the most suave and smooth sounding track on Marauders. The group samples “Mystic Brew” by Ronnie Foster. The song is an instrumental featuring the jazz organ. It pairs so well with Q-Tip and Phife Dawg’s deliveries. The song itself (Electric Relaxation) has been sampled by several Hip-Hop artists since it’s release. The lyrics are pretty much describing sex, which in all honesty this song fits perfectly within that theme. My favorite track on “Midnight Marauders” is track 10, “Oh My God.” This would be the third and final single released. I think of all the songs on this record, if there is one you want to play at a party the most, it’s this one. The beat is energetic and the bass is my favorite out of any song on Marauders. My favorite lyric is also on this song, rapped by Phife.

One for the treble, two for the bass
You know the style, Tip, it's time to flip this
I like my beats hard like two day old shit
Steady eatin' booty MCs like cheese grits

The song also features Busta Rhymes, who I said earlier had a tie to Tribe. His role was during the chorus saying “Oh My God” which I appreciate so much now after having gotten into Busta in the mid 90s.

The title MC means Master of Ceremony
Some people who emcee don't know what this term means

The last track I’m going to cover is the penultimate track “Lyrics to Go.” The music is largely built around a guitar riff made by James Brown in the song “Just Enough Room for Storage.” What’s interesting is how they blend it into the rest of the music and their lyrics, given how loud and prevalent the riff is during Brown’s song. Phife Dawg would go on record ranking “Lyrics to Go” as one of his favorite 5 Tribe songs.

“First of all, Minnie Riperton probably had the greatest voice that ever lived. Two, the way Q-Tip sampled this song [Riperton’s ‘Inside My Love’] and was able to incorporate it with the drums, that was crazy. I wish I had been able to think of that. There’s a sustained note that carries on throughout the song, and it’s a crazy idea that I’m surprised no one else had been able to think of. Tip thought of it, and he’s the man for that, most definitely.”

The song “Inside My Love” that Phife is referring to is a beautiful song. It’s very sensual and fits well within the suaveness that Tribe exudes.

Even though I skipped around the tracklist, the record itself has no tracks that I would actually skip. For me it’s their best album, even though “The Low End Theory” will get that accolade from many others. The group would break up in 1998, just before the release of their album “The Love Movement.” They would get back together after the turn of the century, but they did not return to the status they left in the 1990s. More tragically, the universe lost Phife Dawg on on March 22, 2016. He was diagnosed with diabetes in 1990 and even mentioned it in the lyrics of “Oh My God” calling himself a “funky diabetic.” He would experience several complications over the last decade of his life due to it. Born Malik Izaak Taylor, he left us at the young age of 45. The group continues to perform and honor his memory. His passing was just before the release of an album, “We Got It from Here... Thank You 4 Your Service,” which was the first since “The Love Movement” and would also be their last. Their legacy continues to be an influence on many Hip-Hop artists since they broke up in 1998. I really have never heard a style completely like theirs and don’t believe I ever will again.

This concludes Midnight Marauder program
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Love,

Dad

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Before I go into my article, I want to bring up that anyone who is really into this record may want to check out a book I read a few years ago. It was written by called “This Isn’t Happening: Radiohead’s Kid A and the Beginning of the 21st Century. I found it to be a great read.

Hi Son,

A little over a year ago I told you about how I finally gave Radiohead a chance when I obtained “In Rainbows.” For a long while I had avoided them and constantly talked shit on them, mainly because I had just heard their music was “depressing.” A lot of what I avoided twenty years ago I considered depressing. I don’t consider “depressing” to be a bad thing anymore. Especially since I am someone who has dealt with it for longer than I can remember. It wasn’t until after what your mom went through 8 years ago that I took steps to get help. When I listen to something that I would have considered “depressing” in my younger age it’s therapeutic. What I struggled for so long in my life was understand why I felt the way I did. Putting a name to my struggle, especially through music, has empowered me in a lot of ways. Knowing exactly what I’m running from or fighting with grounds me from spiraling out. Back when I immersed myself in Radiohead’s catalog, there was one record of theirs that I still struggled with. It would arguably be the biggest pivot point in Radiohead’s career. That record is “Kid A.”

Coming off of what I consider to be their masterpiece, “OK Computer,” the band was at a crossroad. What I found interesting about that is they already moved significantly toward an abstract interpretation of Alternative music. Thom was actually struggling mightily with Writer’s Block and felt that the genre of rock music had run it’s course. He looked into electronic music and was quoted saying:

"It was refreshing because the music was all structures and had no human voices in it. But I felt just as emotional about it as I'd ever felt about guitar music.”

Thom’s vocals are very distinct and at that point of his career really stood out from the music. What he wanted to explore was having his vocals as part of the music. His voice being more of a musical instrument. The band bought a barn in Oxfordshire that they would come to use as a recording studio. There was no deadline on their next record. However, the others in the band were really concerned about the direction Thom wanted to take things.

The band would begin experimenting with electronic instruments and Pro Tools, which was fairly new at that time. Ed was actually really struggling with the idea of electronic instruments. As the lead guitarist, how could he continue to do what he did best by resorting to electronic instruments? A big part of what made him come around was a suggestion their producer, Nigel Godrich, came up with. Split the band into two separate groups. “One would generate a sound or sequence without acoustic instruments such as guitars or drums, and the other would develop it.” This did not result in any finished songs, but made Ed come around to the idea of electronic instruments. In total the band produced over 20 songs. Rather than release a double album, they chose to leave several off to be released as a separate record. They would use 10 of them to be released on “Kid A.” There was a lot conflict on choosing those songs. It almost cause the band to break up. Luckily it didn’t and on October 2, 2000, “Kid A” was made available to the world.

As I stated earlier, “Kid A” was the last of their discography (ca. 2006) that I really grasped onto. The first time I listened to it felt like a lot noise. Thom’s vocals were distorted in several songs and a lot of the music did not seem coherent. There was one track I was familiar with (Idioteque) only because they played the music video from it in the student union of my undergraduate school. The first track, “Everything in it’s Right Place” was actually somewhat straightforward. The music is pretty much distorted sound with what seems to be a keyboard. Thom is repeating consistently, “Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything” then “In it’s right place” four times in a row. For the most part, the same line would be repeated over-and-over:

“Yesterday, I woke up sucking a lemon.”

“There are two colours in my head.”

“What is it you tried to say?”

Those are pretty much the words to the whole song. The feeling it gave me initially was discomfort. It made me somewhat nervous, but also skeptical, of what was to come next.

Track two was very strange. It was the title track, “Kid A.” Again, a lot of the music a departure from the guitars you would have been accustomed to. What stands out the most is Thom’s vocals. It sounds like he has sunken into a void and is trying to sing through it. The words are very hard to discern. What I would learn is he sung “through a Vocoder-like filter and using a Ondes Martenot, a keyboard like instrument, to control the pitch of the filter, to simulate singing.” Looking back I can’t imagine how challenging that was to get the result they produced. Track three, “National Anthem,” is bat shit crazy. It starts with a really cool bass guitar riff coming from Colin. Then Phil comes in with drums. Honestly, if they just played 30 seconds on loop, it would have kept me engaged. Thom then begins singing with more voice distortion and a feedback echo. This continues until about halfway through the song, all of a sudden a bunch of brass and woodwind instruments start blaring. It starts off sounding coherent and then begins to go completely bat shit. The horns keep getting louder until the bridge where they completely back off. Then a trumpet starts playing random notes and it keeps getting weirder and weirder until the end, where the entire ensemble just seemingly blows random notes as loud as they can until the end.

Track four is probably the most emotional and depressing song on the record, “How to Disappear Completely.” Thom doesn’t use distorted vocals on this song. The music is very melancholy. The story of the song is that Thom had a dream of floating around the city as a ghost. When you listen to the words you can easily see that impression. When I think about what the song means to me, it takes on a different meaning. It’s something I feel a lot. When I am in a state of deep depression, the one image I have more than anything is just dropping everything at that moment and going off as far away as possible from where I originally stood. No one else around me. Just somewhere that I can be completely alone and physically far away as I can from my life. This is what I’m talking about when I put meaning to my sadness. The song speaks to me more than any other song on “Kid A” by a long shot. While this track is sad and depressing, it’s also beautiful. Thom’s voice is emotionally strained and honestly I can’t think of another vocalist who does that better than him.

“Treefingers” is next. It is an instrumental track. On the surface this track almost sounds like an intermission. For a long time that’s how it felt to me when I got to it. That changed not too long ago. When I hear this song the feeling that comes to me is someone who is looking around and is admiring the imagery without having full understanding. The perspective I imagine going through this experience is one seeing the world for the first time. I think about the day you were born. When you were being taken around the delivery room without any idea of what was happening to you. Instead of hearing voices, machines or other sounds in the room, everything sounded like what “Treefingers” is. The song almost stops me in my tracks when I hear it now. Track six is “Optimistic.” This is probably the most uplifting song on the record. The music is maybe the most straightforward out of any of the tracklist. Again, no distortion to Thom’s lyrics. The words he sings just resonate with you. “You can try the best you can. You can try the best you can. The best you can is good enough.” It’s a reminder that it’s okay to not succeed, as long as you gave it your best.

Track seven is “In Limbo.” I find this to be a fairly euphoric song. It has a cool keyboard riff throughout. Then we get to the aforementioned song that I first experience from it’s music video. Track eight is “Idioteque.” The music throughout is a drum machine pattern that Jonny created using a modular synthesizer. The song mostly just Jonny’s creation on the synthesizer with Thom singing. When you watch the video, or anytime they perform the song live, Jonny is moving around wires to get the sound used in the background. Vocally, I feel like Thom gets into this song as much as any in Radiohead’s catalog. The best part of the lyric is when he starts emphatically singing “Ice age coming! Ice age coming! Let me hear both sides! Let me hear both.” After the lyrics are finished and the music begins it’s outro, Thom starts dancing manically! It’s become one of their staples when they tour and is probably the most popular track on “Kid A.”

Track nine is “Morning Bell.” This is a beautiful yet haunting song when I hear it. It starts off sounding kind of like the sun is rising over the horizon. “The morning bell. Light another candle and release me.” However, it gets dark all the way to the bridge where Thom sings “cut the kids in half.” Many interpret this song being about a divorce. I almost feel like this is someone walking out into a deserted area after the zombie apocalypse had occurred. Regardless of my feelings, it is really well placed. It has a great feel as the penultimate song of the tracklist. Finally we get to the last track, “Motion Picture Soundtrack.” The song was actually written in the early 90s. It starts off with Thom singing to a pedal organ, but then starts building in a harp and a double bass. This is a fantastic closer, mostly because it feels like the last song in a fairy tale. The lyrics however are anything but a “happily ever after.” The meaning of the words “muses over lost love and deep sadness.” Where the last line of the song is “I will see you in the next life.” It’s a goodbye. Whether you want to feel Thom’s sentiment of letting go of love, or you could feel as if the record itself is telling the listener goodbye.

After reading all of my impressions, it would seem like a lot of this record is just too out there for me. However, it has grown on me over time. You have to experience “Kid A” in its totality. There is maybe one song you could consider a single and just play it by itself (Idioteque). When you experence “Kid A” and begin to appreciate it you find that every song needs the song before and after it. I think the sequencing of this song is nearly perfect. Although someone who has become of my favorite writers would propose a different sequence. Earlier I said that “OK Computer” was Radiohead’s masterpiece. Although after being with their music for almost two decades, I believe “Kid A” to be seminal work of the band.

Love,

Dad

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Hi Son,

The student union at my undergraduate institution used to play music videos on constant loop in the main eating area. Believe it or not, there used to be television channels dedicated just to showing music videos. During the spring of my freshman year, a music video came on that was animated. Now animated music videos were not uncommon. The first image it showed was “Gorillaz” in red front with the sub-caption “Every dead body that is not exterminated, gets up and kills, the people it kills get up and kill.” It then starts into this really cool drum beat with keyboards. It shows a drummer followed by a bass guitarist, lead guitarist and then a lead vocalist with black circles for eyes. The whole image building on itself was pretty eerie. Including the opening line: “Ooo ooo ooo ooo. I ain’t happy. I’m feeling glad. I got sunshine in a bag. I’m useless, but not for long. The future is coming on.” That chorus repeats itself and then the symbols crash four times and a blue cartoon figure larger than everyone else on the screen slams into the video and begins rapping. “Finally, someone let me out of my cage. Now time for me is nothing ‘cause I’m counting no age.” The song is the large blue cartoon character rapping with the same chorus from the beginning of the song added in throughout. At the end of the music video it shows the names of the four-piece rock band (shown below). This music video was played constantly in the student union. It just kept growing on me over on time. It’s easily one of my favorite music videos.

I’m pretty stoked to go over this record, because it’s a record that isn’t only something that means a lot to me but also to your mother. I want to go back to the origin of the animated group “Gorillaz” that I mentioned above. Britpop was a genre in the 1990s, which featured four groups originating from the UK. They were Oasis, Pulp, Suede and Blur. Just like Grunge, there was a fairly meteoric peak followed by a very steep drop. In 1998, the lead singer of Blur, Damon Albarn, started a collaboration with cartoonist Jamie Hewlett. Legend has it that Albarn and Hewlett came up with the idea for a virtual band. This was while watching MTV and the two coming up with the conclusion that “if you watch MTV for too long, it's a bit like hell - there's nothing of substance there. So we got this idea for a cartoon band, something that would be a comment on that.” The virtual band’s name would be called Gorillaz, which comprised of four members: 2-D (lead vocals, keyboard), Murdoc (bassist), Noodle (guitars, keyboards, vocals) and Hobbs (drums, percussion). Albarn would go on to assume the voice and vocals of 2-D, while the other members of the band would be voiced by various individuals over the years.

The first album the Gorillaz would release was self-titled. It was released in March 2001 in the UK and June 2001 in the US. The style of the music was defined by critics as “alternative rock, lo-fi, dub, hip hop, trip hop, art pop with elements of punk rock, rap rock, art rock, Britpop, Latin and bubblegum pop.” My first listen through the record definitely covered every sound described in that statement. The opening track is “Re-Hash.” It begins with a cool baseline and drum beat and then an upbeat-sounding guitar riff. Overall, it’s a cheery-sounding track. Track 2 is “5/4” which sounds dirtier off the bat compared to “Re-Hash.” The song gets it’s name from the time signature that Noodle uses in her guitar riffs throughout the song. Then we come to one of the record’s singles in Track 3, “Tomorrow Comes Today.” For each of the four singles released, a music video coincided along with it. Like the music video I went over to start, “Tomorrow Comes Today” is another attention grabber. The animation by Jamie Hewlett is so good. The song itself has a very laid back feel to it. 2-D’s vocals (Albarn) use a lot of falsetto, but it is very subdued. A harmonica accompanies most of the background music. It’s a very cool song and easily one of their best in their entire catalog.

Track 4 is another really cool track, “New Genius (Brother).” It has a very similar feel to “Tomorrow Comes Today.” Then we come to easily the most successful single on the record, and arguably the most recognized song created by Albarn with the Gorillaz. The song is the exact same song of the music video I described at the beginning. The repeating music line generated by a drum machine a string machine and a melodica, would be the inspiration for the name of the song. The music was likened to a movie called “The Good, the Bad and the Ugly.” It’s one of the most popular theme songs for any movie ever and maybe the most adopted from any Western film released. The actor who played “The Good” was Clint Eastwood. So because of this distinction, Albarn would name this song “Clint Eastwood.” The lyrics to the song were rapped by Del the Funky Homosapien. If you remember in the music video that was the “blue cartoon figure larger than everyone else.” Del would also contribute to another track. Everything about this song is legendary to me. It’s just so brilliant. One last thing to mention is that “Gorillaz” made their first musical appearance on “Saturday Night Live” two months ago. Damon Albarn chose to go with “Clint Eastwood” as the first of two songs they would perform that night.

The next four tracks are eclectic. Track 6 is “Man Research (Clapper).” An interesting tidbit on this song is that it was only played live on their tour to promote their self-titled record. It hasn’t been played live since. Track 7 is “Punk” which is the shortest track on the record. It’s a pretty fun sounding song. The next two tracks are “Sound Check (Gravity)” and “Double Bass.” When I listen to the album the whole way through, these two songs almost feel like an intermission. They’re a really great bridge heading into the third of four singles, Track 10 “Rock the House.” This is the second song that Del the Homosapien is featured. Like the music video for “Clint Eastwood” the music video for “Rock the House” has the same large blue character. The music features the trumpet in the background which is really why this song slaps (that is officially the first time I have tried to use that term). I hadn’t really listened to this song until I met your mother (imagine me saying that with the voice of Bob Saget, RIP). She knew every word to this song when we were dating and I’m fairly sure she could still rap along with Del word-for-word if she wanted. One tidbit about the music video is the last third of the video has Murdoc deflecting balls being thrown at a target by thrusting his crotch at them. It makes me laugh when I watch it.

The next track is the fourth and final single, “19-2000.” I love this track, but what I did not know until recently is that it involves two members from one of my favorite all-time bands, “Talking Heads.” Tina Weymouth would provide backing vocals and Chris Frantz would contribute “additional percussion” on "19-2000.” The music video is maybe my favorite of the four mentioned. It has the four of them in their “Geep” (which is the vehicle featured on the album cover) with Murdoc driving and 2-D sitting in the passenger’s seat singing the lyrics. Murdoc is driving around a highway with seemingly several sections of it missing. The scene looks to be post-apocalyptic. They’re being chased by a UFO and eventually come up to a moose. Murdoc tries to destroy the moose with a couple of missiles, however the moose sneezes which redirects them back onto the “Geep.” This whole image makes this song ideal to play whenever I’m driving.

Track 12 is sung completely in Spanish by Ibrahim Ferrer, called "Latin Simone (¿Qué Pasa Contigo?)". The main premise is that 2-D is struggling being depressed and Ferrer’s singing is trying to cheer him up. Track 13 is “Starshine” which is a very low-key track. Then we come up to the penultimate track “Slow Country.” The music in the background is mostly the piano with a horn playing along side it. It’s even more toned down than “Starshine,” which is saying a lot. The premise of the song is someone who is struggling with a long-distance relationship. Finally, we wrap up the record with “M1 A1.” It begins with 2-D yelling from a distance “Hello? Is anyone there?” for the first minute or so. I’ve seen that the music featured during that period is from the movie “Day of the Dead.” The movie is a post-apocalyptic story with zombies. Honestly, when I go back and think about this record as a whole, it seems like the entire setting was post-apocalyptic zombie. After the “Hello? Is anyone there?” part is done, it begins to really kick into gear. This song is very much a rock song. It almost sounds like you’re listening to Blur. I think it’s a great way to end the record.

Their self-titled album would go on to become platinum in the US and triple platinum in the UK. Albarn and Hewlitt would continue to produce records as “Gorillaz.” They would continue to use a similar format in that they would bring in various artists for collaborations and several tracks. Some of the collaborators of note are Snoop Dogg, Elton John, Stevie Nicks, Dennis Hopper, Mos Def and Bad Bunny. Since the release of their third album “Plastic Beach” I’ve kept pretty close tabs on new music released from Albarn and Hewlitt’s virtual band. They would eventually be dubbed the “Greatest Virtual Band Ever.” Hewlitt would continue to modify new versions of the band members through his animation. The sketches of the band members as you see them from the self-titled era are much different than they are today. Recently “Gorillaz” celebrated their 25th anniversary as a band. The music videos would continue over time and they have a really awesome YouTube channel to just watch all of the wonderful art made by Albarn and Hewlitt. I hope that when you are old enough to start appreciating music that they are still making new music. Their most recent release, “The Mountain” is some of the best work I have heard in over a decade.

Love,

Dad

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Hi Son,

Your mom and I celebrated our 16th wedding anniversary yesterday. It’s insane to think we’ve been together for 20 years and married for 16. The last Pearl Jam album of the 90s I need to cover with you is their second studio album, Vs. Like yesterday, May 29th has a significance when it comes to your mother and me. October 19th carries significance for two reasons. The first is my birthday. The second is the date in which Vs. was released in the United States. That’s right, your old man shares a birthday with Pearl Jam’s second studio album, twelve years apart. Unfortunately I am on the wrong side of those twelve years. Over a year ago I introduced their first studio album Ten. That was undoubtedly their most iconic record and one of the most iconic records released in 1991. It was part of the renaissance of grunge. They exploded onto the scene and had to come up with a follow up to that?? There was also the acclamation of bringing in a new drummer. Dave Krusen who was the drummer recorded on Ten dropped out of the band shortly after. They hired Dave Abbruzzese to tour with them on the Ten promotion circuit. Dave A. (so I don’t confuse him with Dave K.) would bring an “animalistic” energy behind the drum kit.

There was also an internal struggle happening as Pearl Jam was coming out of their newfound fame and glory from Ten. Like most of the Seattle sound coming out of the early 90s, their beginnings were minimalistic. The budget to record your first record was tight. The resources available to tour the US and the rest of the world was somewhat of a struggle. Now they weren’t scraping for money. The band, except for Eddie, seemed to begin to embrace this new lifestyle. Eddie was firmly against it. He was so against “selling out” that he would sleep in his truck during the recording of Vs. The cover art of Vs. (the sheep trying to put it’s head through a wire fence) would be used to symbolize how the band felt during the making of the record. When I initially told you about No Code I went over the chaos that ensued leading up to that record. This would be the start of that chaos.

I really do believe Pearl Jam’s best work was when they were at each other’s throats, figuratively speaking. The tracklist starts out with two absolute bangers in “Go” and “Animal.” “Go” is one of their grungiest sounding tracks out of their entire catalog. The music and the lyrics paint an image of someone trying to gather their stuff in a hurry and drive away in their car as fast as possible. There was a rumor that the song was about Eddie’s truck and the constant worry that it would break down on him. Regardless of the meaning, it’s a fantastic beginning to the record. “Animal” would feature a lyric out of the gate that almost became the name of Vs. “One, two, three, four, five against one.” Given the state of the band and their resistance to “selling out” they considered themselves as five against the one who was stardom. Eddie’s vocals throughout has him growling into the mic. Every part of the track has a feel of a wild, feral and aggressive animal. Arguably one of their best live performances of any of their songs came at the MTV Music Awards in 1993. Mike and Jeff are bouncing all over the stage. Dave A. is destroying the drum kit and Eddie is suffocating the mic. The lone sane person out of this performance was Stone. Bless you, Stone. The true rock of the band.

Track 3 is “Daughter.” This would become one of their most popular singles. The song is mostly a ballad about a girl with a learning disability who is abused by her parents. I want to point out as a tangent that I believe Vs. is a masterclass lyrically. Eddie really begins to show his chops on the album. This is a huge reason why this is my favorite band. As upbeat as the music sounds, the lyrics are dark and descriptive. The shades going down to cover up what is being done to this girl is absolutely unsettling.

The shades go down, it's in her head
Painted room, can't deny there's something wrong

Don't call me daughter, not fit to
The picture kept will remind me

The song itself is played on almost every setlist when Pearl Jam tours. Generally, they will play through the song until they get to the outro. Rather than end the song, they “tag” another song that fits in well with the music from the outro. A few examples are “Another Brick in the Wall Part 2”, “With My Own Two Hands”, and “It’s O.K.” It’s one of the best parts of attending one of their shows.

Track four is “Glorified G.” The inspiration of this song was largely driven by the fact that Eddie and Dave A. were like oil and water. Eddie found out that Dave A. had just purchased a gun. When he asked “You bought a gun?” the response from Dave A. was “In fact, I bought two.” Hence the opening lyrics to the song. I hate using this word, because normally when I describe something like it, it’s not meant to be a compliment. However, when I say that “Glorified G” is hokey, it’s one of the cooler “hokey songs” that I’ve ever heard. I assume the music was meant to mock someone who was more “Country” and conservative. I really love this song. I will go on the record saying that I am not against the Second Amendment and I believe it should be lawful for citizens to own guns, however it’s way too loose on the requirements to buy and furthermore what guns are available to the public. Next up is Track 6 “Dissident,” which has one of their cooler opening guitar riffs. Like “Glorified G” the guitar on this song is contrary to a lot of typical riffs the band produces. Hell, I liked the opening riff so much that it was my ring tone for a couple of years (when I had a flip phone).

Now we come to the song that resides in the category, “I wish the message was not still relevant today.” Track 6 is “W.M.A.” The acronym stands for White Male American. The story behind the song was from police harassment that happened right in front of Eddie. This is how he describes it.

“And I’m sitting there with this guy who’s of a darker color than me, and along come these cops, they run around with their bikes trying to look cool. So here they come, they’re heading straight for us. And they just ignored me and [started] hassling him. Compared to me, this guy looks as respectable as fuck, but they started hassling him, and that just blew me the fuck away. So I started hassling them. . . . And one thing led to another. . . . I had all this fucking energy rushing through me. I was mad. Really fucking angry. I got back to the studio and the guys had been working on this thing and I just went straight in and did the vocals, and that was the song.”

The music to the song is just groovy as all hell. It’s Jeff and Dave A. who really shine on this song. Jeff has a bass riff throughout that is something I could listen to on repeat for hours at a time. For the drum part, the story goes that a drum beat was played on a loop throughout the six-minute track. However, when the band toured in 1994 and played W.M.A. there was no loop. Dave A. would play the continuous drum part for the entire song (e.g. Atlanta 1994).

The song itself has become a top 10 song out of their catalog for me. For the reasons above, but also for the messaging of White Privilege. I wish I could say that wasn’t still prevalent today, but there are several assholes out there who are trying their damnedest to make it as pronounced as it was during the Jim Crow era. This song to me is a reminder of my own privilege and to recognize that I need to be there for those who do not have it.

Track 7 is “Blood” which is one of the hardest songs in the entire catalog. I’m not going to say a lot about it, other than if you are looking for a song to rage to. This track is where it’s at. Especially at the end of the song where it’s just unleashed chaos. Now we come to Track 8, “Rearviewmirror.” This for me is the most personal song on Vs. One of the most personal songs I’ve ever heard in my life. I’ll give you my take. On the surface, it’s a story of an abuse victim escaping their abuser. “Once and for all. You’re far way. I hardly believe. Finally the shades are raised.” I think this meaning can be extrapolated to anything you feel released from that is traumatizing you. This song really took on with me after your mom’s stroke 8 years ago. Not only the night of that event haunted me, but then the ensuing events for the rest of that year (2018). I was diagnosed with P.T.S. by my therapist, who I sought out shortly after your mom’s hospital stay. I’ve broken out of my P.T.S. so I can say “finally the shades are raised.” The meaning of this song alone makes it legend for me. The music is fantastic as well. It’s one of their most distinctive guitar riffs. When you listen to the recording, at the end of the song you hear drum sticks hit the floor. I’ve read that Dave A. was so spent after wrecking his snare drums that he threw his sticks out of relief. I love this song so much.

Track 9 is “Rats.” Another song with a great Jeff Ament bass riff. The meaning of the song criticizing humanity for living more lowly than rats. Track 10 is the longest title in the Pearl Jam catalog, “Elderly Woman Behind the Counter in a Small Town.” It’s a ballad which describes a person who never left the small town they grew up in. While she’s working an “old flame” comes in who she doesn’t initially recognize. When she comes to, she can’t even muster up the nerve to say “hello” to him. This has become another staple in Pearl Jam’s setlists when they tour. The penultimate track is “Leash.” It’s an aggressive rocker where the chorus repeats “Drop the leash. Get out of my fucking face.” It could be taken as an anthem of youth feeling constrained from being able to make it on their own. Whatever you make of it, it’s another good rocker to rage to.

Now we come to the closer, “Indifference.” In my opinion, there hasn’t been another closer that measures up to it. The music is methodical and soulful. This is a song you turn the lights down and close you eyes when you listen to it. It’s truly spiritual ad raw. The lyrics are in the perspective of someone who has put in every piece of energy they’ve had to spend to try to make a difference on a larger scale. This is their crying out to the universe asking “How much difference does it make?” No matter how much you sacrifice of yourself, things never change. While that makes it sound like the subject of this song is defeated. I believe it’s a cry to letting out their frustration to find someone who can show them the difference they really did make. It’s so damn hard to see the results of your own efforts. For myself, a lot of times it’s never good enough. I’m in need of support of someone who can tell me otherwise.

“I'll swallow poison until I grow immune
I will scream my lungs out 'til it fills this room
How much difference
How much difference
How much difference does it make?”

Because the band had gained so much notoriety from “Ten,” their sophomore album would go on to set a record (at that time) for the number of copies sold after the first five days of it’s release. While “Ten” was truly a masterpiece, I feel like that record was the band kind of feeling out what they wanted to be. “Vs.” would be the start of expressing exactly who they were. I’m on record saying that “Vs.” is the most flawless album they produced. Every track engages me in some sort of way, due to it’s lyrics or it’s sound. They really wasted nothing on the production of this record. Even though it’s not my favorite record of theirs (Yield then No Code then Vitalogy), I do think it’s their best work out of what has been over three decades.

Love,

Dad

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Hi Son,

About this time last year I told you about my experience with the Foo Fighters record “There’s Nothing Left to Lose.” I’ve been an avid follower of the band since. What I also mentioned was the loss of their long-tenured drummer, Taylor Hawkins. It happened in March 2022. To reiterate, his passing weighed on me immensely. There have been other artists lost from this universe around his passing, but given my admiration of Dave Grohl and the Foo Fighters it was the first time the loss of an artist really impacted me. It impacted the band too, especially Dave. They had just dropped their tenth studio album “Medicine at Midnight” at year before. Taylor’s shoes were almost impossible to follow. Dave and the band would release their eleventh record “But Here We Are” in June 2003. However, the band did not record that album with a replacement for Taylor, rather Dave performed the drum parts himself. That was the first time since “The Colour and the Shape” that he had done that. Shortly before the release of “But Here We Are” Dave hired Josh Freese to drum with the band as they promoted “But Here We Are.” I was fortunate to have seen them play that summer at the 150th Anniversary of the Harley Davidson festival just a couple of miles of where your mom and me lived in Milwaukee. Here’s a video of my terrible singing along to Dave that night.

Josh Freese would be with the band for about two years, until he was infamously fired from the band in May 2025. It wouldn’t be until a year later that Dave provided some closure to the situation in an interview earlier this year. Dave would say in the interview that “he didn’t feel our music really resonated with him" which contributed to his release. The Foo Fighters would find a new drummer a few months after firing Josh. That person is Ilan Rubin. Rubin is most known for drumming in Nine Inch Nails from 2009-2025. Ironically, after Rubin left NIN and went to the Foo Fighters, Josh Freese would go on to drum for Nine Inch Nails! Rubin also became the youngest member to be inducted to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in 2020 with Nine Inch Nails at the age of 32 (oh to be 32 again). The band would move forward in recording what was to be their twelfth studio album.

I want to go back and talk about the timeline between “There’s Nothing Left to Lose” and leading up to album #12. For most of the 21st century the band has experimented with some interesting concepts. On “In Your Honor” they would release a double album with the second CD/record being mainly low key acoustic tracks. It’s actually really good. On “Sonic Highways” they released an 8-track record where every track coincided with a city visited by Dave. There was a HBO documentary series released in tandem with the album. They tried out some different sounds and concepts with their next three being “Concrete and Gold,” “Medicine at Midnight” and “But Here We Are.” The band really has expanded their scope over two plus decades. However, for album #12, it was more of a “return to form” for them. Sometimes I get really annoyed with that term “return to form.” It waters down all of the efforts they’ve tried veering away from their early work. The name of this album is “Your Favorite Toy.”

When a band returns to “form” it’s almost nearly impossible to do. Their form was when they were mostly 20-somethings and their are octaves and yells that the lead vocalist can’t do as well in their 40s or 50s (sorry Eddie Vedder, but you ain’t ever going to sing “Oceans” the way you did in the 90s). Welp, Dave Grohl does not fit that bill. Not one damn bit. The first track in “Your Favorite Toy” fits the bill of what I said a year ago that “The Foos have a habit of kicking you in the balls with their opening tracks.” This was another barn burner called “Caught in the Echo.” It does not hold back from the beginning and already Dave is maxing out his screams with the first line. It’s a perfect opener. Honestly I can’t see how this song would go anywhere else on the tracklist. What really gets me about this song is not so much the intensity of it. It’s when the song goes into the bridge. I think Dave is as good as anyone at dialing it up to an 11 and then bringing it back down to where his voice literally melts in with the music from the band. The bridge is beautiful and contrasts so wonderfully with the rest of the song.

The second track “Of All the People” continues the momentum with another heavy driving song that does not dial back at any point. Then we head into track three, “Window.” This song epitomizes why I love Dave’s vocals so much. The mood shifts in “Window” and his vocals once again melt into the rest of the sound of the band. Some of my favorite songs by the Foo Fighters carry this distinction like “Generator” or “Headwires.” I love the guitar riff throughout the song by Chris (Shiflett). It’s so mellow and groovy. It’s up there for my favorite track on the record. Then we come to the title track “Your Favorite Toy.” This song comes out sounding almost exactly like you would expect if you thought about what the title “Your Favorite Toy” meant. It is Dave taunting you, as if you were another kid, with “Nyah nyah nyah, nyah nyah nyah.” The music is somewhat “Rockabilly” which isn’t my favorite, but the vocals and lyrics make up that deficiency for me. It’s a good song that has you just imaging in your head that you’re danging some kid’s Optimus Prime (I never had one though growing up) and then running off with it.

“If You Only Knew” comes in at track #5, which is a good song. Then we come to track #6, “Spit Shine.” This is up there for my favorite track on the record. The band comes out singing “Ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh ooh” in the mics with a “metal-ish” sound and then Dave again proves that Father Time has not caught up to his voice. The song is loud, chaotic and creepy. I just absolutely love it. The band provided a press release saying the song is "a nightmare come true for connoisseurs of disemboweling, dismemberment and rock and roll." Something that the Foos are historically known for are their music videos. They are extremely entertaining and often has Dave playing some character that makes you laugh. This music video while entertaining does not have Dave dressing up like a “school girl.” It’s the band performing in all white and then going into scenes of a Zombie Apocalypse. To be honest, it is the perfect depiction of this song. The last minute or so then has (fake) blood spraying all over the band as they play getting their white clothes bloodied and more blood dripping off of their instruments. You really can’t unsee this after watching it. Now one thing I found humorous is that the band recently performed a Tiny Desk Concert on NPR. It’s a really great series where numerous music acts have come in and performed in literally a “cubicle” office space. One song I would not have expected was “Spit Shine.” Not only did they perform it, they led off with it!

Track seven “Unconditional” is another good and unskippable song. Then comes track eight “Child Actor.” This song hits some heart strings. One thing you’ll learn as you get older is a lot of children who become television or movie stars generally don’t carry that fame and fortune as they get older. Mostly what the general public remembers and wants to see are their roles in their adolescence. That’s pretty much impossible to do. Not only does the public want this, but more importantly those casting for TV shows and movies only see those actors as what they used to be. It results in a lot of instances where child actors in their adult years struggle with depression. Dave eloquently expresses this in “Child Actor.” It’s somewhat heartbreaking for me when I listen to it.

Say, are you who I think you are?
Hey, aren't you who I think you are?
Where have I seen your face?
I've seen your face before
I don't know who you think you are

Turn the cameras off, turn the cameras off

Track 9 is what I would call a very “Foo Fighters sounding” song named “Amen, Caveman.” Then we come to the closer “Asking for a Friend.” This song was the first released single off of the album. Dave is quoted as saying it’s “a song for those who have waited patiently in the cold, relying on hope and faith for their horizon to appear.” The character in the song is struggling on figuring out “what is real” and is unsure of what or who to trust. It’s an emotionally-charged closing track that provides more of an epic tempo and sound. Something you would come to expect from a closer on a Foo Fighter’s record. The whole 10-track record is really, really solid. It also is very short coming in at a run time of 36 minutes 26 seconds. It’s the shortest album released of theirs and to be honest it doesn’t feel like it. This album keeps growing on me and honestly has me losing track of time. “Medicine at Midnight” was only 36 minutes 35 seconds, but it doesn’t have the feel and the intensity that “Your Favorite Toy” has. This for me is their best album since “Wasting Light” (which I think is extremely underrated). If there is ever a record I have heard a band produce that is a “return to form” these guys did it. I really am blown away by what was produced by the band and Oliver Roman. As long as Dave can keep up with the screams, I hope they keep cranking out more records.

Love,

Dad

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I first want to preface this by mentioning an article by Alan Siegal published on The Ringer on July 28, 2022 called “Die Happy: The Oral History of Dashboard Confessional ‘Unplugged’” I will reference this article throughout this post.

Hi Son,

A while back I talked about rock music at the end of the 20th century and the beginning of the 21st. I was struggling with post-Grunge, Pop Punk and Nu Metal. It was Emo music that began to speak to me. In 2004, Spider-man 2 came out, which was a movie I was really excited about. After seeing the first (Tobey Maguire) Spider-man a few years before, I bought the soundtrack and really got into it. So what music would the soundtrack to Spider-Man 2 bring? The first single released was called “Vindicated.” It was from a band called Dashboard Confessional. The lead vocalist, Chris Carrabba, had this Power Punk type of voice that could go up to high octaves for a man. The rest of the band ensemble was pretty typical. The song became very popular charting #2 on the Billboard Alternative Songs list.

Dashboard Confessional did not start out as a band. The frontman, Chris Carrabba, began Dashboard as a solo project while he was the lead vocalist for a band called Further Seems Forever. Chris mentioned the reason for doing it as:

I was going through something really tough at the time and since I don't write in a journal, this is what I did with it. It was a good way to get it out of my system. I never thought anyone would hear these songs, but I played some for my friends and one of them who owned a little label talked me into recording.

Chris would release an album, “The Swiss Army Romance,” in March 2000. The album was mostly him performing solo with an acoustic guitar. The opening track, “Screaming Infidelities,” would become Dashboard Confessional’s first mainstream hit. However, that wouldn’t come until the release of the second record, “The Places You Have Come to Fear the Most.” In the second album, Chris is joined with a bass player and drummer, Dan Bronebake and Mike Marsh. The band toured promoting “The Place You Have Come to Fear the Most” and really started to gain somewhat of a “cult” following. The crowds Dashboard would play in front of began to sing along with Chris, literally line-for-line. It would even get to the point where Chris would just back off of the mic and let the crowd take over. Every show was very interactive. All of this was leading up to 2002. Two years before I really got into the band. And I mean I really got hooked!

Come back to 2004. How would I get to know their music? Back in that day, I could try to download a bunch of mp3s to cobble together their work. Or, I could actually go to the store and buy their music in the “ethical” way. I went ethical. In Maryville, MO there really was only one place to buy CDs and that was at Wal-Mart. I got there and found that they did a MTV Unplugged recording in 2002. So there it was. An “all encompassing trip" ← Yes I just plugged my favorite Pearl Jam song, of Dashboard Confessional. And look, “Screaming Infidelities” was on the tracklist! I have at least one song that I will recognize. So I put the disc into my car’s CD player and let it go! The recording started with Chris saying “So this is Unplugged, thank you guys for coming.” He’s on his lonesome on stage and goes into “Swiss Army Romance.” From the get-go the audience begins to sing with him. It’s so noticeable that their volume is almost the same as Chris’ volume singing into the mic. Now this was my first experience of ever hearing Dashboard Confessional live. Everything I just described earlier, was completely unknown to me. I immediately felt, “holy shit, if everyone in the crowd knows the lyrics and can almost out-sing the vocalist, then they have to be a really big deal.” The entire album was the same way. The crowd sung every word along to Chris Carrabba and at times would take over to where Chris would let the crowd take the vocals for him.

So my perception was that I had missed out on one of the biggest bands of the early 21st century and MTV was fortune to have had them to an Unplugged session for them. Quite the contrary. Even though “Screaming Infidelities” put Chris and Dashboard Confessional on the map, they still weren’t a staple. They really were somewhat of this “underground” cult that Alex Coletti (at that time producer of the Unplugged series) went to a show and was somewhat mind blown asking "How does everyone here know all these words?” Alex would call his boss shortly after his first Dashboard Confessional experience and pitched that doing an Unplugged session with them was a good idea. Chris was actually a big fan of MTV’s Unplugged series. He grew up seeing the iconic shows by Nirvana, Alice in Chains and Eric Clapton. The typical Unplugged show consisted of a “stripped down” version of the discography. Up until this point, Chris and Dashboard were already stripped down. Even after Chris had Dan and Mike form a band, the guitars were already acoustic. So if there’s nothing to strip down, then what? Alex Coletti felt the element that would make this show unique was “what we’re going to do is we’re going to add the pieces that aren’t on the record, which is the audience.’”

The mission that Alex and his colleagues set out on was to find a crowd for this show that could sing every single word coming out of Chris’ mouth. Alex would attend a Dashboard Confessional show in New York and got the names of several fans who attended that concert. Their pitch was to say “We’re having a free Dashboard Confessional concert if you’re interested.” The mission was successful. The attendees to the Dashboard Confessional Unplugged set would be a crowd who would illustrate exactly what it meant to be into Dashboard Confessional.

What I would learn later in life is that the Unplugged session was a jumping off point for Dashboard Confessional. The last song of the set list would be the probably their most successful single in their catalog “Hands Down.” They would release another album between Unplugged and the Spider-Man 2 soundtrack, “A Mark, a Mission, a Brand, a Scar” that I would buy immediately after hearing Unplugged. Eventually I would go back and buy “The Swiss Army Romance” and “The Places You Have Come to Fear the Most.” Coming out of the summer of 2004 I was completely bought into Dashboard Confessional. The music and especially the lyrics spoke to me. I was in my early 20s, which seemingly was the demographic that hit the hardest (high school-college) when it came to Chris Carrabba’s writing. One thing I want to make clear is that the lyrics that hit so hard at that point in my life stopped after I met your mom. A lot of what the lyrics described was of heartbreak. Up until I fell for your mom, I was struggling with that. Chris’ lyrics are really incredible. So much so that even Taylor Swift would acknowledge this. Literally within the last few days she said this!

I would read the lyrics to those songs or the specificity of ‘Hands Down’ by Dashboard Confessional, where I’d be reading those lyrics, and I’d just finish reading a line, and just go, ‘Oh my God.’

As I re-listen to Chris’ lyrics I am stuck in awe. He was incredible as once described as "the poster boy for a generation of emo fans in the early 2000s.” If I were to go into his lyrics, it would require an entire new post. Maybe someday I will write about it again in the future. His words and his voice are really what I would describe as the benchmark of the history of Emo music.

So it’s 2004. Dashboard Confessional has released one album and one banger of a single in “Vindicated’ when I got my hands on their music. What was next? Their fourth studio album, “Dusk and Summer.” That record was good but it was a departure of what Dashboard Confessional started out as. For the record the name came from the song “The Sharp Hint of New Tears” where the lyric starts off as:

On the way home this car hears my confessions
I think tonight I'll take the long way

I was fortune to see Dashboard play in 2006, after I met your mom and she had tickets to the music festival but couldn’t go and let me and my best friend from college go to, in what I will always consider to be the Sandstone Ampitheatre in Bonner Springs. It was rough. Chris had been dealing with some cold symptoms and the setting with the crowd and the stage was not intimate at all. One thing about Chris’ vocals is that it requires him to hit high-ass octaves and with a lot of angst behind it. He wasn’t able to muster it that day.

My second experience live was a true Dashboard Confessional experience. It was at the Uptown Theater in downtown Kansas City, but it was Chris and no one else. He went through most off the songs that he wrote before “A Mark, a Mission, a Brand, a Scar.” I sang along to as many word as I could possibly remember. It was incredible and most importantly this time I got to experience it with your mom.

I would eventually fall off of Dashboard. They continued on with their firth studio album, “The Shade of Poison Trees,” which I tried like hell to get into. It just wasn’t the same. My 3-to-4 year obsession with Dashboard Confessional came to an end. Really the Emo genre came crashing down for me. I would like to think it’s because I found my everlasting love in your mother. The year after “The Shade of Poison Trees” was released, we got engaged. The music that Chris Carrabba did not age well for me. I honestly cannot relate to it anymore 22 years later. In some ways that’s good. However, when I listen to Unplugged as I type this message to you, the nostalgia overwhelms me. It really does take me back to a time in my life where I was coming up to finishing college and not knowing what my love life had in store. The words Chris sung were so perfect because they hit almost every scenario when it came to someone struggling to find their soul mate. He really was incredible as a lyricist and a vocalist. The words and the inflection of his voice were and still are the most perfect I can ever remember. My thought is that Dashboard Confessional is perfect from the age of 14-25. Chris was writing his lyrics as someone who was in that period of their life. What I’ll end with is my favorite lyric from Chris Carrabba. The word “championless” is the first and only time I have ever heard it from the song “The Good Fight.” I don’t know if you will ever search out his work during your adolescence, but if you do I want to be there to listen to it with you.

Hope has sprung a perfect dive
A perfect day, a perfect lie
A slowly crafted monologue conceding your defeat
This purchased rebellion has been outbidded
Denounced and rescinded and left to die championless
Championless
Championless

Love,

Dad