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Michael discusses upcoming yoga classes, new digital content on Substack, and the philosophical concept of contentment.

Upcoming Events

Michael announced several live and digital updates for the Breathe and Bounce community.

• Live Yoga: Next week, Michael will teach two classes at Dundee: a 15-minute meditation session and a “Free Flow” easy yoga class focused on stretching.

• Seasonal Experiences: Three affiliated events with the Dundee Township Park District are planned for fall and winter: Yoga Dream, Dark Flow, and Super Savasana.

• Digital Content: A new paid channel called Michael’s Thoughts is launching on Substack (breathenbounce.substack.com) featuring personal video updates. Additionally, a “podcast within a podcast” titled The Michael Show will debut next week to show the behind-the-scenes creation of the program.

Philosophical Discussion

The core of the presentation focused on the yoga concept of Santosha, or contentment.

• Defining Contentment: Michael explained that Santosha involves being okay with life’s fluctuations—such as financial stress or personal setbacks—without falling into complacency. He emphasized that contentment provides the clarity needed to take productive action.

• Ego and Peace: Through personal anecdotes regarding his business, Huntley Hills, Michael discussed how the ego’s desire to be “right” often conflicts with inner peace. He advocated for protecting one’s own “bubble” and karma rather than engaging in unnecessary debates.

• Personal Growth: Michael shared his journey of moving away from seeking external validation and instead focusing on self-discovery and accepting that life is a continuous “marathon” rather than a sprint.

Musical Influence

Michael highlighted the role of music in the Breathe and Bounce experience.

• Genre Exploration: He discussed his history with EDM, mentioning artists like Deadmau5, Armin van Buuren, Pretty Lights, and Swedish House Mafia.

• Show Integration: Music serves as a tool to illustrate thematic elements of the show, allowing for a flexible range that can transition from Britney Spears to Slipknot.

Upcoming Live Yoga Classes

• Michael will be teaching two classes at Dundee next week, including a 15-minute meditation session and a “Free Flow” easy yoga class.

• Three seasonal experiences affiliated with the Dundee Township Park District are coming this fall and winter: Yoga Dream, Dark Flow, and Super Savasana.

• Interested participants can find more information on the Breathe and Bounce website or the Dundee Township Park District website at dtpd.org.

New Substack Content

• A paid Substack channel called “Michael’s Thoughts” is launching tomorrow, featuring personal video updates for subscribers.

• The “Michael Show” podcast within a podcast will begin next week on Substack to show the behind-the-scenes creation of the show.

• Subscribers can access these new features via breathenbounce.substack.com or through the main website at breathebounce.com.

The Concept of Santosha

• The episode focuses on the yoga term Santosha, which refers to the practice of contentment.

• Michael explains that contentment does not mean complacency or inaction, but rather maintaining balance and clarity during difficult times.

• He argues against the “good vibes only” philosophy, suggesting that true resilience comes from accepting all emotions rather than forcing positivity.

Navigating Life’s Challenges

• Michael compares life to a marathon rather than a track meet, noting that there will inevitably be periods of irritability and hardship.

• He emphasizes the importance of finding what makes one’s soul sing and pursuing those passions to find happiness.

• He warns against using addictions or extreme actions as temporary distractions from reality.

Ego and Personal Growth

• Michael shares a personal story about a dispute with a client in his airport transportation business, Huntley Hills, to illustrate how ego drives the need to be right.

• He discusses the effort required to “pay your way” to contentment by letting go of trivial arguments and protecting one’s peace.

• He reflects on his own evolution from being an angry or sensitive individual to someone who prioritizes karma and inner calm over being correct.

Music and Perspective

• Michael discusses his passion for discovering new music, ranging from EDM artists like Deadmau5 to various genres like House and Dubstep.

• He explains how he uses music to illustrate themes within his show and to connect with his audience on a deeper level.

• The discussion concludes with the idea that life is simply happening and that shifting one’s perspective from “having to do” to “getting to do” can foster greater gratitude.

You find yourself asking if you’re good enough for anybody. If anyone likes you. You start thinking, what can I do to change myself so people will like me and people will accept me? Sometimes you may go as far as to get plastic surgery done on yourself, or you might empty out your bank account to win favors with certain people. The worst is when it’s your own family that makes you feel that way. If there’s someone who has been like me growing up, the only way that I got people to notice me was I acted really obnoxious. And then it just became a part of who I am.

We all want to be seen and we all want to be accepted. We all want love in our lives. It is a need, because going through this life alone is fucking very difficult. It can be done. Just like lifting three bags of concrete over your shoulder and walking with them — it can be done too. But it’s not very fun.

I find myself nowadays observing a lot of people. I see the way kids can treat each other, and I see how sometimes they get ostracized and picked on. There was a lot of that in what I went through in my life, because I had a speech impediment, so people thought I was weird. Sooner than later, I started acting apart, and I just became this weird dude.

And that’s the problem — people can influence you in ways you never thought possible. That is the reason why cults exist. They open their arms to people who they know don’t feel wanted, who want love in their lives, and give them a false sense of love and purpose. Usually, the people that join these groups end up getting the short end of the stick and are very lucky to get away.

The saying once was said, it takes one person to build a house, but it takes thousands to build a city. I don’t think that was ever said, but it sounded kind of cool, so I went with it. I don’t think it is possible for one person to build a house, but it might be. Who knows.

If you do find that one person that builds a house, show them some love, give them an atta boy. You can start there and show love to other people with wonderful stories and inspirational tales and shit like that. And then try to work on those people who don’t have the love, who don’t have the people. Saying hello and smiling at someone, and maybe just telling them you hope they have a good day, might be the difference between someone going home to eat dinner or hanging themselves.

Being alone is the worst feeling in the world, probably next to being unwanted. Some of us might do things to cause that, but that doesn’t take away from the pain and suffering that we go through when we are in it. I always say that if you feel you have problems, talk to somebody, because you don’t wanna put yourself in a position where you alienate other people because you’re in pain.

I wish all the love in the world for you, and I hope everyone finds what they are looking for.

NMF
M

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$5 a month gets you this. It’s a small price to pay for something so well errr interesting.

Thank you

M

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Transcript

https://otter.ai/u/L03GetVH30S03TCQuT8SwkcYC-A?view=summary

Overview

The speaker reflects on personal struggles with mental health, business pressure, and the necessity of embracing life’s unpredictable shifts.

Personal Reflections

Michael discusses the intense pressure of running his business, Schoolbells Transportation, noting that the responsibility of managing contractors, students, and school districts has negatively impacted his mental health. He shares his history of pursuing a career in radio, including his time at Columbia College and his desire to emulate personalities like Eddie Volkman and Alan Stagg. He acknowledges past mistakes in balancing professional ambitions with his responsibilities as a husband and father.

Content Strategy

Michael outlines the weekly schedule for the Breathe and Bounce program to maintain connection with his audience:

• Mondays at midnight: New episode of Breathe and Bounce.

• Wednesdays: Wise Ass Wednesday, featuring mental health insights from an AI blog contributor.

• Fridays: Friday FaceTime, containing “daily Michael moments” shared on TikTok.

• Saturdays: Gratitude Chronicle, consisting of personal journal-style entries covering various topics.

Mental Health

Michael addresses the stigma surrounding mental health in society and the corporate world, citing personal difficulties such as being unable to extend life insurance due to mental illness. He candidly discusses his recent experiences with suicidal ideation and the heavy emotional toll of making difficult life decisions. He emphasizes the importance of:

• Listening to one’s gut and reason.

• Allowing oneself space to heal rather than constantly returning to stressful situations.

• Finding a personal reason to keep fighting through periods of uncertainty.

Is it time to let go of current business pressures to find peace?

The Podcast Introduction

• Speaker 1 opens the show “Breathe and Bounce” with an introduction to his creative style and musical interests.

• He discusses the use of music from various genres, including the heavy metal band Annihilator, to set the tone for his content.

Navigating Life’s Unpredictability

• The speaker reflects on how life is not a “one size fits all” experience and often brings unexpected turns.

• He shares his personal history of owning a business that has become emotionally and mentally crippling.

• He notes that while people often try to follow a set code, human nature thrives on complexity and making difficult decisions.

Personal History and Career Shifts

• The speaker describes his long-held dream of becoming a DJ, inspired by Chicago radio personality Eddie Volkman and others like Alan Stagg.

• He recounts entering college at age 27 after years of wandering and eventually leaving a radio career to support his family.

• He emphasizes the importance of being present for his wife and children despite the sacrifice of his professional ambitions.

Business Pressure and Mental Health

• The speaker discusses the extreme stress caused by running Skull Bells Transportation, which has negatively impacted his mental health.

• He addresses the stigma surrounding mental illness in professional environments, citing personal struggles with FMLA in previous corporate jobs.

• He explains how ADHD can help manage multiple responsibilities but also introduces impulsivity issues under high pressure.

The Show’s Weekly Schedule

• The host outlines his weekly content cycle: Monday episodes, Wise Ass Wednesday mental health nuggets via AI, Friday FaceTime TikTok updates, and Saturday Gratitude Chronicles.

• This structured schedule provides him with a sense of relief from daily pressures through creative expression.

Lessons on Accountability and Change

• A central theme emerges regarding taking responsibility for one’s actions rather than blaming external circumstances.

• The speaker explores the concept of “the shift,” suggesting that profound internal changes are sometimes necessary even if they feel scary or destructive to current structures.

• He discusses how fear of the unknown causes significant anxiety for many individuals.

Finding Purpose Through Struggle

• The speaker candidly reveals recent struggles with suicidal ideation while emphasizing his commitment to staying alive for his children and wife.

• He identifies his core purpose as using music and storytelling to inform others that they are not alone in their struggles.

• He encourages listeners to find their own reason to fight and move forward through life’s inevitable challenges.

So who are we? The truth is we really don’t know unless we really dig in to find out. It comes from facing up to all the crazy shit you did as a kid and the mistakes you made as an adult. It comes from a place of knowing that your ego distracted you from the truth that was actually happening. It comes from a place of understanding that we are just here, and everything else is fed to us by our brain.

And when we are constantly being fed by our brain, being supplemented by lots of social media and advertisements trying to tell you that you’re not where you’re supposed to be in life — but you can do this and it will get you there — making you believe in so much bullshit that doesn’t even matter. It’s like awakening from that matrix that is the greatest introduction to our self.

Sometimes we have to do really wild shit to figure out what it is we really want and who we really are. Sometimes it means going on vacation by ourselves, or jumping on that kiddie ride, or just picking up a guitar and trying to play a song. That’s when we find that artistic part of us, that stuff that helps us express who we are, that we start to get in touch with who we are.

The bills, the work, the drama, parenting — all that gets in the way because somewhere it was deemed all that shit was important. But what truly is important is finding out who you are, so you know exactly how to negotiate any situation that comes your way and make it easier for you to handle the things you need to do.

And just remember, there is no time limit. We are all practicing in here. We are all trying here. We are all learning here. It’s just moving those steps forward and remembering that our breath can take us places that our mind cannot.

NMF
M

No I am not talking about Miami. I am talking about the place you go to find a way to get something that you are missing inside. Filling the hole as my wife has said many times. I have tried to fill the hole many ways. Right now, it's gambling. Although not serious, I have to look at my family history and my nature to understand why I must take action now to minimize damage, or suffer consequences later. I am hoping people can learn from my story here and that's the talk of the day today.

Transcript

https://otter.ai/u/bkVCJB-d_hFqDErAtrA8SfgRWXE?view=summary

Overview

Michael discusses his struggle with gambling, stemming from a family history of addiction and a traumatic experience at a horse race. He shares his recent excessive gambling habits, including a $300 loss at a casino and frequent visits to video poker machines. Michael reflects on his addictive personality, past addictions to substances and video games, and the emotional void he tries to fill. He emphasizes the importance of awareness and the need for strategies to combat addiction, such as setting limits and seeking support. The conversation also touches on broader themes of addiction, personal responsibility, and the search for fulfillment

Outline

Gambling Problem and Personal History

• Michael discusses his recent trip to Vegas with his wife and his subsequent gambling habit, which he finds excessive. [Breathe N Bounce Episode CLXIV: Escape from Vice City]

• He shares his addictive personality, mentioning past addictions to junk food, substances, and video games. [Breathe N Bounce Episode CLXIV: Escape from Vice City]

• Michael reveals his family’s history with gambling, including his father, grandfather, uncle, and brother. [Breathe N Bounce Episode CLXIV: Escape from Vice City]

• He recounts a traumatic experience at Arlington Park, which made him averse to horse racing. [Breathe N Bounce Episode CLXIV: Escape from Vice City]

• Michael mentions his mother‑in‑law’s nickname, “Casino Gini,” a character she played on The Michael Jae Project morning show on WRLR, and the influence of gambling apps on his behavior. [Breathe N Bounce Episode CLXIV: Escape from Vice City]

Impact of Gambling on Family and Personal Life

• Michael talks about his father’s gambling habits and the impact on his family relationships. [Breathe N Bounce Episode CLXIV: Escape from Vice City]

• He shares a story about his grandfather and father stopping talking for 10 years over a poker game. [Breathe N Bounce Episode CLXIV: Escape from Vice City]

• Michael describes teaching his nieces to play poker and the tradition of card games in his family. [Breathe N Bounce Episode CLXIV: Escape from Vice City]

• He reflects on the emotional and financial toll of gambling, including a recent $300 loss at a casino. [Breathe N Bounce Episode CLXIV: Escape from Vice City]

• Michael acknowledges the need to address his gambling problem and the potential for a major addiction. [Breathe N Bounce Episode CLXIV: Escape from Vice City]

Addiction and Its Root Causes

• Michael delves into the broader topic of addiction, including drugs, sex, and pornography. [Breathe N Bounce Episode CLXIV: Escape from Vice City]

• He explains that people turn to addictions to fill a void in their lives, often due to dissatisfaction or depression. [Breathe N Bounce Episode CLXIV: Escape from Vice City]

• Michael shares his personal struggles with depression and how it has contributed to his gambling habit. [Breathe N Bounce Episode CLXIV: Escape from Vice City]

• He discusses the concept of digital addiction and the consequences of excessive spending on non‑essential items. [Breathe N Bounce Episode CLXIV: Escape from Vice City]

• Michael emphasizes the importance of awareness and the need to address the root causes of addiction. [Breathe N Bounce Episode CLXIV: Escape from Vice City]

Personal Struggles and Coping Mechanisms

• Michael talks about his past eating disorder and how he used food as a coping mechanism. [Breathe N Bounce Episode CLXIV: Escape from Vice City]

• He shares a story about eating an entire pack of vegan cookies within minutes and the impact on his weight. [Breathe N Bounce Episode CLXIV: Escape from Vice City]

• Michael reflects on the support he received from his wife, who encouraged him not to “fill the hole” with food. [Breathe N Bounce Episode CLXIV: Escape from Vice City]

• He discusses the cycle of winning and losing in gambling and how it can lead to financial ruin. [Breathe N Bounce Episode CLXIV: Escape from Vice City]

• Michael mentions his upcoming cruise and the potential for it to be his last hurrah in terms of gambling. [Breathe N Bounce Episode CLXIV: Escape from Vice City]

Balancing Addiction and Willpower

• Michael emphasizes the importance of willpower and free will in overcoming addiction. [Breathe N Bounce Episode CLXIV: Escape from Vice City]

• He discusses the role of the brain in creating the desire for more and the need to say no. [Breathe N Bounce Episode CLXIV: Escape from Vice City]

• Michael uses the analogy of overfilling a cup to illustrate the concept of excess and its negative consequences. [Breathe N Bounce Episode CLXIV: Escape from Vice City]

• He shares his strategy of bringing a set amount of money to the casino to prevent excessive spending. [Breathe N Bounce Episode CLXIV: Escape from Vice City]

• Michael acknowledges the need for support and the possibility of seeking help from gambling anonymous or hotline numbers. [Breathe N Bounce Episode CLXIV: Escape from Vice City]

Spiritual and Personal Reflections

• Michael reflects on his spiritual beliefs and the concept of sin in a non‑religious context. [Breathe N Bounce Episode CLXIV: Escape from Vice City]

• He discusses the importance of making personal commitments and building values to avoid crossing certain lines. [Breathe N Bounce Episode CLXIV: Escape from Vice City]

• Michael shares his struggle with depression and the temptation of suicide as a coping mechanism. [Breathe N Bounce Episode CLXIV: Escape from Vice City]

• He emphasizes the need to find alternative ways to deal with pain and the importance of awareness. [Breathe N Bounce Episode CLXIV: Escape from Vice City]

• Michael concludes with a message of hope and encouragement for others fighting their own battles with addiction. [Breathe N Bounce Episode CLXIV: Escape from Vice City]

Breathe N Bounce Episode CLXIII 8-9-26

Transcript

https://otter.ai/u/hGEJDCXP6TzaJpPXPdvcX7kJpZo?view=summary

Overview

Michael addresses his recent struggles with depression, emphasizing his commitment to transparency and authenticity. He reassures listeners that he is not suicidal and appreciates the support he has received. Michael criticizes the “good vibes only” mentality, stressing that life involves suffering and that it’s important to be honest about one’s feelings. He advocates for a society that accepts and supports individuals’ struggles, urging people to live authentically and not conform to societal expectations. Michael encourages self-acceptance and independence, highlighting the importance of mindfulness and resilience in dealing with life’s challenges.

Addressing Personal Struggles and Mental Health

• Michael begins by addressing his recent struggles with depression, mentioning a difficult week and a FaceTime conversation where he expressed his feelings.

• He emphasizes that he is not suicidal and appreciates the support he received through private messages and social media.

• Michael criticizes the “good vibes only” mentality and insists on being honest about his feelings, even if it makes others uncomfortable.

• He discusses the stigma around suicide and the importance of not judging people who are struggling with mental health issues.

The Reality of Life and Mental Health

• Michael reflects on the inevitability of suffering and the importance of accepting life’s challenges.

• He talks about the consequences of his own decisions and the impact they have had on his mental health.

• Michael stresses that killing oneself is not a solution and that it is crucial to face and work through one’s problems.

• He encourages people to be authentic and not to conform to societal expectations of happiness and positivity.

The Importance of Authenticity and Acceptance

• Michael discusses the need for people to accept others where they are and not try to force them to be happy or positive.

• He criticizes the idea of “happiness jello shots” and emphasizes the importance of allowing people to express their true emotions.

• Michael shares his experiences with yoga and how some teachers fail to understand the emotional struggles of their students.

• He advocates for a more respectful and understanding society that accepts people for who they are.

Living Life on Your Own Terms

• Michael talks about the importance of living life authentically and not being afraid of what others think.

• He discusses the various aspects of life where people face judgment, from music and movies to politics and personal beliefs.

• Michael emphasizes that everyone’s experiences and struggles are unique and that it is crucial to respect and understand each other.

• He shares his own struggles with depression and how he has learned to manage them without conforming to societal expectations.

The Role of Community and Support

• Michael highlights the importance of having a supportive community that understands and accepts people with mental health issues.

• He discusses the goal of creating a safe space for people with behavioral disorders to share their struggles and find support.

• Michael emphasizes the need for purity and authenticity in human interactions and the importance of being true to oneself.

• He encourages people to be independent and to focus on their own well-being and happiness.

The Journey to Self-Acceptance

• Michael reflects on his own journey to self-acceptance and the challenges he has faced.

• He discusses the importance of being mindful and accepting the ups and downs of life.

• Michael shares his admiration for people who can maintain a positive attitude despite their struggles.

• He emphasizes the need to be honest with oneself and to live life in a way that feels true and fulfilling.

The Power of Authentic Expression

• Michael talks about the importance of authentic expression and the role it plays in mental health.

• He discusses the impact of his own honesty and how it has helped him connect with others who are struggling.

• Michael emphasizes that Breathe and Bounce is a place for people to share their struggles and find support.

• He encourages people to be themselves and to not be afraid of being different or unconventional.

The Challenge of Living Authentically

• Michael discusses the challenges of living authentically in a world that often values conformity and happiness.

• He shares his own experiences of being judged and misunderstood by others.

• Michael emphasizes the importance of standing up for oneself and not being afraid to be different.

• He encourages people to be true to themselves and to not let others’ opinions define their worth.

The Importance of Mindfulness and Acceptance

• Michael talks about the role of mindfulness in managing mental health and the importance of accepting one’s emotions.

• He discusses the challenges of living in a world that often does not understand or accept people with mental health issues.

• Michael emphasizes the need for a more compassionate and understanding society.

• He encourages people to be mindful of their own emotions and to not judge others based on their struggles.

The Role of Community and Support in Mental Health

• Michael highlights the importance of community and support in managing mental health issues.

• He discusses the role of Breathe and Bounce in providing a safe space for people to share their struggles and find support.

• Michael emphasizes the need for a supportive community that understands and accepts people with mental health issues.

• He encourages people to seek support and to not be afraid to reach out for help when they need it.

Someone once said that nothing worth having comes easy, or some bullshit like that. In all honesty lately, I don’t feel like anything has come easy — hell, I don’t think anything is coming at all. I’ve had more problems than I can think of lately. I feel like nothing is helping me and I don’t know where else to go.

I don’t really trust people. And a lot of that has to do with the poor self-image I have of myself — that I don’t think that I deserve to be loved or liked or anything like that. I think it’s because I say stupid things all the time. I don’t think about what I’m talking about, and I just hurt people constantly. And then I get this feeling: I’m just useful to the world and that’s it. No one actually likes me. They like the services that I provide. They like the things that I can do. They don’t actually like how I teach a yoga class; they just like it because it’s part of a package deal or something.

And every time I try to conquer these thoughts and I try to tell myself that I’m going to be okay, lately it just feels like I’m not going to be. It feels like the weight of the world is on my shoulders. I have tried to really show up for people and they don’t see me. No one ever sees me.

I don’t know how much longer I’m gonna be able to go on like this. But I’m just gonna keep trying because people depend on me. I don’t wanna let people down. I don’t wanna let myself down either, because if I give up, then I won’t even know if I let myself down because I would be dead, and that probably would suck.

Sorry to be so gloomy this week, but this is just how I’m doing, so I won’t bullshit you and try to tell you that everything’s all roses and shit. Things really suck for me right now — and they probably really don’t suck, but my brain is telling me they do. And when the brain is really trying to weigh on you, it’s a really hard fight.

I’ll just keep on fighting. I’ll win a round sometime soon, I guess.

NMF
M

Transcript

https://otter.ai/u/96Cvoko0iqDZagOcFWmdKfY915g?view=summary

Overview

Michael from Breathe and Bounce opens up about his struggles with self-image, business challenges, and contemplating suicide. He discusses his dissatisfaction with his appearance, finances, and the yoga community, which he found superficial and judgmental. Michael reflects on his family issues, particularly his strained relationships with his brother and father. He emphasizes the importance of mental health, the high cost of medication, and the need for support. Despite his difficulties, he encourages resilience, self-improvement, and finding joy in life, using metaphors like a swimming pool to illustrate the ebb and flow of life’s challenges.

Outline

Michael’s Struggles and Self-Image Issues

• Michael expresses feeling “fucked up” due to business struggles and self-image issues.

• He discusses his dissatisfaction with his appearance, including his hair, body, and bank account.

• Michael shares his frustration with people’s responses to his problems, feeling invalidated when they say everyone has issues.

• He mentions feeling alone for the past year, partly due to cutting off relationships and partly due to dissatisfaction with his current social circle.

Yoga Studio and Community Dynamics

• Michael talks about the superficial nature of yoga studios claiming to be “happy places” and “community spaces.”

• He observes the division between people who see yoga as fitness and those who see it as deeper practice.

• Michael criticizes the behavior of some yoga teachers who badmouth students and engage in public critiques.

• He reflects on his own contributions to the negative environment and his subsequent anti-yoga phase.

Contemplation of Suicide and Mental Health

• Michael reveals he contemplated suicide for two hours due to the weight of his problems.

• He discusses the prevalence of suicidal thoughts among older individuals and his own struggles with mental health.

• Michael mentions his physical health issues, including weight problems and the high cost of medication.

• He reflects on his past use of mental health medications and his current ambivalence about resuming them.

Family and Lack of Support

• Michael shares his lack of support from his immediate family, especially after his mother’s death.

• He describes his strained relationship with his brother and father, including being labeled a “loony liberal” by his father.

• Michael talks about his efforts to reconnect with his brother and nephews, only to be shamed by his brother.

• He expresses feeling isolated and unsupported by both his family and friends.

Reflecting on Life and Regret

• Michael discusses the inevitability of aging and the unfinished business he feels in various aspects of his life.

• He reflects on his anger and feelings of exclusion, which he believes stem from being treated like the “redheaded stepchild.”

• Michael acknowledges the transient nature of positive experiences and the inevitability of change.

• He encourages listeners to focus on positive memories and the potential for change and improvement.

The Power of Music and Reflection

• Michael emphasizes the role of music in helping him deal with his situations and memories.

• He mentions a song by Odessa that resonates with him and how it helps him think about his mind’s state.

• Michael reflects on the importance of accepting help from the right people and making crucial decisions.

• He uses the metaphor of a swimming pool to illustrate how external influences can affect one’s mental state.

Adapting to Change and Embracing Life

• Michael advises listeners to adapt to change and not to pull the plug on their lives.

• He encourages reflection on past decisions and the impact they have had on his life.

• Michael emphasizes the importance of trusting the process and being comfortable with change.

• He concludes with a message of hope, reminding listeners that life is too precious to throw away and encouraging them to find joy in the present.

You see, you get a shot to do something great. You get opportunities in life, and you don’t wanna miss them because then you start wondering what could’ve happened if. There have been times in my life where I missed opportunities where I could’ve really done some great things. I might’ve been able to push on that Stoned Ranger character and make something really special with it, but I got cold feet — especially because so many people in the industry were telling me it would never work because of the connotations of marijuana and all my foul language.

However, because you miss one opportunity, doesn’t mean that you are gonna miss the next one. I think you have to focus on the next one though, because if you don’t, you’re gonna be stuck in the past. And being stuck in the past is definitely not a good thing. Not to be cliché, but there is a reason why the windshield is huge and the rearview mirror is small.

Yes, we should all try to live our best life. We should all take care of ourselves and try to be kind to our friends and neighbors. We should just try to spread a loving feeling throughout the world. And you get more than one chance to do that. You get every day that you wake up. Every breath that you take is an opportunity to try again.

And we live in a very cynical world where it’s easy to be pissy and it’s easy to be judgmental and it’s easy to be angry and it’s easy to be regretful. But at the end of the day, we just must practice gratitude. And I think every day that I wake up, no matter what’s going on in my life, I do have that feeling of gratitude that I am being given a chance again.

So maybe every day is a do-over. I can try again and I can do better. I can always start over. I can’t fix the past, and by knowing that, I look towards just being in the present — because if I look to the future too much, I’m missing what’s happening right in front of me.

And that is my philosophical Ted talk for today. Just me rambling on about this shit — which I do quite well, if I say so myself.

NMF
M

TRANSCRIPT

Out there in the real world, it’s Michael with you here on breathe and bounce. And I gotta tell you, you know, one of the hardest things that is hard to work through our memories And the ones that are the hardest, the painful ones. Now, I’m not talking about the ones that you live through. I’m not talking about the ones where people hurt you. I’m talking about the ones when you hurt people. That’s kind of what I want to focus on today on the show. And the reason why I want to talk about this is because I’ve got a great track record with that. I have really hurt a lot of people in my life, and I have done a lot of things that are very inhumane, very mean, very selfish, and some of these things that I did, I didn’t know at the time the damage I was doing, but some of them I did know, and some of them I was doing to defend myself because I thought there was a supposed boogeyman in my head that was saying that people were going to attack me, and some of the things I did were just because I got tired of being shit on all the time, and I’m not gonna lie to you that I feel like I am coming on that cusp right now of becoming that person who feels that the world is against them and wants to lash out and rage, because that’s kind of where all my problems began. My problems began with those bad memories that I’ve had when I was younger. Those memories where I had kids making fun of me consistently, when I had a father who basically would put me down every chance he got, and I see so many correlations with people in that realm, to my current day right now as well, and it’s not good. You know, it’s it’s really not good because you end up hurting a lot of people that don’t deserve it, and most of all, you hurt yourself worse than anyone because then you have to live with the fact that you did very bad things to people. That is not a place you want to be at. You make a lot of decisions, and the question is, how do you get through it? How do you come to peace that this is who you were before versus who you are now. I’m going to be honest with you. I don’t really know how. I’ve tried, but there are days where things do hit me, and I just feel like I should be grateful that I’ve been given a chance to make these things right, and I feel like some of the people I’ve wronged, they don’t care about me making it right. They want me just to go the fuck away. And when they’re loved ones and people you really care about, that hurts. It hurts a lot. It hurts a lot because then you are in this private cell of your making because of the way you behaved in the past, and the truth of the matter is, you may not have been, you may not be that person anymore. You might have grown, you might have changed, you might have done all these things, but they still see you as that same person, and maybe it’s more comfortable for them to do that because they don’t want to like you because then they feel like they’re liking that bad part of you, and that’s a very, very difficult situation to get out of. Because you can do all the things you want, but they’re always still going to think that you’re this bad person, and you just feel like everything is wasted, and sometimes you build yourself up to a point where you might find new people in your life, and you might be trying to start a new chapter, but those old parts are still there, and they’re still floating around. And even every once in a while, one of those people might whisper in your ear and tell you you’re not good enough.

And then you end up, instead of being with the person that you want to be with, you’re with the person who just happens to be there because of all your failures in the past, because of all your bad judgments, because of your bad decisions, because of the pain you caused others, you’re stuck with that person. So the person that really wants you to take them. And when I’m talking about this, I’m talking about interpersonal. I’m not talking about these are people. This is interpersonal. This is all parts of you. The person that really wants to take you, the person that wants to rescue you from all of that, they can’t reach you because you’re too far gone. And I’m going to be honest with you. At my point in in my life right now, I feel like I’m too far gone, and I think a lot of it is because certain people don’t want to talk to me anymore. Certain people just think I’m never going to change, and I am a very emotional person. I am a very outspoken person. I get wounded very easily at something that I’m working on, but I always get worried about the time factor. Do I have enough time to work these things out? Do I have enough time to figure it out, or is everything just going to be wasted because I don’t want to waste time while I’m alive. I want to make the best use of my time, and part of that is I really want to take care of people I’ve wronged, and I really want to create a way where people who are on that cusp of falling apart and hurting a bunch of people. Maybe it is a man that’s very close to becoming abusive because he’s taking too much stuff in. Maybe it’s a woman who’s on the who’s on the cusp of just leaving and giving up because they’ve taken too much stuff in. I feel like we all have to deal with our issues, and the further away we get from doing that, the worse off we are. And I, I’m scared. I’m scared for myself right now because I, I’m seeing the darker sides of people lately, and that is not a place I go to unless I’m not feeling right. So I need to figure out what am I going to do to fix this. What am I going to do to walk into the light and get out of the darkness. How am I not going to waste time? It’s a really hard place to be in life when you don’t know what you’re supposed to do because of all the pain and suffering you’ve brought to other people, and more importantly, you’ve brought all this pain and suffering to yourself. I have been very depressed lately, and a lot of it’s because I’ve been alone. I. I feel that people really don’t want to be around me. I feel that way about my family, and It’s my fault. I let my mental illness get the best of me. I didn’t really get the right kind of help I needed. I didn’t really seek out alternative resources. I threw myself in the fire instead of getting out, and I’ve done that so many times in my life where I haven’t had the power just to walk away, and it’s very sad because I really know these skills. I talk about them on this show on a weekly basis, and we are in three show three years into this show, and I still don’t have shit figured out. I’m not very patient about giving people time that they need. I’m not very patient about boundaries that people set for me. I just I think that I feel like I’m under a rock, and the rock’s crushing me, and then I start feeling like I don’t have time. You see, turning 50 for me, as glorious as that might be, it’s been very difficult for me because I know time is limited, and I want to have time with my family in a positive way before my days are numbered here on Earth.

I want to leave, knowing that I did the best I could to be the best father I could be, to be the best boss that I could have been, and to be the best friend, and I don’t even know if I can be a friend anyone anymore because I’m just so wrapped up in my own bullshit. I have been very depressed for the better part of the last month. I moved back home where I lived for a very long time, but no family there, and all I have is memories of bad behaviors that I exhibited, things that were said to me, and I really, I honestly don’t know how to get through all this. And I’m sitting here having this show where I’m talking you guys about it. And sometimes people come here looking for answers, but I-I guess said before I do the show a lot for me as I do for you, because I like to talk things out and try to figure it out. I spend at least 70% of my days talking to myself, trying to figure out the right answers, trying to figure out the right thing to do, trying to figure out everything, and I just don’t know. I know at the end of the day, a lot of it comes to my willingness to be flexible, to change, and I think for the most part I practice that. But I have these moments where something snaps, and maybe it’s the BPD, maybe it’s insecurity, maybe it’s tired of loneliness, but it comes, and it knocks me down on my fucking knees, and it’s so hard for me to get back up, but somehow, knowing that I can do this show, I can play all this music, I can give this message of love to people, is something that keeps me going. Knowing that I’ve got the shot to be a better father to my kids keeps me going. That I can be a better husband to my wife keeps me going. Knowing that there’s opportunities for group for growth keeps me going, but the big problem is sometimes I want things to come much faster than they do, and then I’m back on my knees again. Maybe I’m praying for the answer, or maybe I’m just too fucking tired to get up. So the question is, how do I not do that? How do I not go on my knees again? How do I not fall down. Obviously, a lot of it comes from taking responsibility for my actions. A lot of it is understanding that everything’s going to be okay. But sometimes you have those moments alone where you’re sitting there. You might be watching TV, and then something just clicks. Sometimes you’re walking down the street, and you see happy people, and you wonder why can’t I be like them. Sometimes you say to yourself, “What vice can I get in order for me to avoid my unhappiness? Maybe it’s drugs. Maybe it’s sex. Maybe it’s gambling. Maybe it’s loud music. Maybe it’s committing some kind of crime, some petty crime like shoplifting, to get that rush, so you don’t feel anything. When I had my psychotic break in 2016, I lived in an abandoned house, and I didn’t want to be there because. I felt like I heard voices all the time, so I ended up going to two places. One of them was Lifetime Fitness, the other was AMC Theaters. That’s where you could have found me in the summer of 2016. Besides, a mental institution, a couple times. I have not been able to crack that. I cannot escape from the damage I did to my family at that time. And I think about it was 10 years ago. The damage I did to myself, to my reputation, to everything. And maybe today, when I crack the mic open, I just am having one of these moments where I’m feeling this way, and maybe it’s great because then you guys can hear it, and then maybe you guys can understand that it happens to all of us. The important thing is that we don’t completely break, that we don’t decide to shoot ourselves or hurt ourselves in some way, but we decide to deal with the pain however we can. We don’t really escape the pain, we don’t really run away from the pain, but we just deal with it.

When we’re alone, we tend to break a little bit, but maybe breaking might be the beginning of a rebirth. Maybe breaking might be the beginning of you finding your footing. Maybe it might lead to something positive, even though it’s not going to feel that way. So maybe what we have to do is we have to break down. Maybe what we have to do is we have to let it all fall apart. Maybe we have to let all that shit come down because maybe we have to be completely vulnerable to how everything’s happened, where we were, understanding that that part of us remains in our soul, that part, that sadistic part, that hurt part, that makes us go into the dark side. Maybe what we have to do is we just have to burn down everything that’s surrounding it. Maybe the excuses, maybe the stories, all that shit. Maybe it just all has to come down. Maybe everything has to come down and go to dust, because then once it becomes dust, we can find a way to blow it away because the dust will blow in the wind, and maybe that’s what it’ll take. We just have to understand that we do have to have patience. We do have to have time, patience for those, patience with ourselves, patience with everything. We may not like how it all shakes down, but maybe it is necessary how it does, and we’re going to have to accept it. We’re going to have to accept that things may change. We’re going to have to accept that things may not be the same for us anymore, but maybe we can live freely. Maybe I can. Comes that moment comes where everything just is broken, and there’s nowhere to go. There’s no more hiding from yourself. There’s no more lying to yourself. There’s no more telling yourself that you are not in the wrong, because you have choices in this world, and you have a choice not to hurt someone, not to put your hands on someone, to not call someone a name, not make a slur, to not treat someone less than. You have a choice, and you have to come to that point that you made the wrong choice. It wasn’t because you were put in a corner and you couldn’t get yourself out of. It might have felt that way at the time, but there’s always a choice. You don’t always have to choose hate. You don’t always have to choose violence, fear, and all those things. And when you get to that point, that’s when everything really starts to make sense. That’s when everything starts to get clarity. And although I truly believe that I am at that. Now, I have to practice it. I have to practice get into that moment because there is that moment. There is that moment where you’re going to have to decide which path you’re going to take in that fork of the road, which is a hard decision, which is a hard situation, which is going to be a painful situation, especially when you feel like you’re being hurt, especially when you feel like you’re being attacked, especially when you feel like everything’s being put on the line, because at that very moment, you can make a new moment that’s beautiful, or do the same shit you’ve always done. done. So, it’s time for us to choose the right path for the ones that we love. So, you ready to step into that moment? Are you ready to do that work? Are you ready to not let you more? Are you ready to end it? So we have to make a promise. We have to make a promise to ourselves that we are going to give ourselves the love that we need. That we are going to treat ourselves with that love, we’re going to forgive ourselves, no matter who forgives us and who doesn’t. We’re going to have to do it because if we continue to not, the one person that’s going to get hurt more than anyone is us, and then once we hurt ourselves, then we’re free to hurt anyone else that we want. Because if we cannot treat ourselves with love and respect, we’re not going to know how to treat others with love and respect.

And I think it’s just taking that long road, that long road, and showing yourself, showing up for yourself the way that you want to show up, to have those boundaries to those people who are trying to tell you That maybe they’re trying to get more from you than what you’re willing to give, but you get resentful because you’re giving more. You know, you’re instead of just going to. capacity. You go over, and you go over and above capacity for other people because you want other people to see you, and you want other people to know who you are, and they, you want them to love you. But maybe you can’t do it, so you have to make that promise to yourself. You have to make that promise, obviously, that you’re going to do your best to not hurt people. Make that promise to your loved ones that you’re not going to do this shit, as difficult as that is. But it’s time to make that promise to yourself, than more than anyone else, because it starts with you. It always starts with me, and you, and you, and us. May you be peaceful. May you find all the pieces of the puzzle in your journey, as I will find mine. Remember, your promise is not for your lifetime. The promise is for one day at a time, because one day at a time is much easier than one year at a time. Just do your best, and I will do my best with you. May your breath take you places that your mind cannot. Safe travels down your journey. Love you. Namaste.

As people know, my yoga journey has been interrupted because I got caught up in a lot of the propaganda regarding many fitness brands hijacking the practice. I found myself questioning people going to yoga studios that I watched say some crazy shit about other students just trying to do their thing. I started to question what yoga was. I found myself not wanting to participate because I didn’t want to be part of the problem. And let’s face it — there are problems with the yoga business. With the western version of it. And all that bullshit is something that I will talk about later. But I wanted to talk about my experience today doing Ashtanga after a seven-month hiatus.

I really have been working on my health lately. My body weight. What I’m eating. How I work out. The amount of stress that I allow into my life. And I thought I was doing good. My numbers are improving. But once I got into this class, I realized how much longer the road is. I found myself not being as flexible as I used to be, and although I feel like my body image has improved, I saw myself in the mirror doing some poses and I did not like what I saw.

I understand that this is the first time in a very long time that I participated in this. However, I feel like I was very hard on myself when I left class. I started reading the riot act about how I gave up on the practice. On how I let my personal opinions dictate the way I live my life. I think the one thing that I will say about taking Ashtanga today reminded me:

You are where you are on your journey, and that is OK.

You see, one of the things that are taught in yoga is ahimsa, which is non-harming. And that includes how we speak to ourselves. I remember once I said some real negative shit about myself during my yoga teacher training, and one of my fellow students really went after me. If she had a sword, she would’ve stabbed me for the way I spoke about myself. I remember saying how sad it was that someone stood up for me harder than I did for myself. I found myself saying all these negative things to myself today and then remembering what I have learned. Ironically, we were learning Santosha, which means contentment in Sanskrit. There was no fucking Santosha today lol.

However, once I really got to sit down and have a couple minutes to think about shit, I realized all this that I am writing now. We are all a work in progress. We all can do better if we work harder. Part of that journey is not criticizing ourselves because we’re not moving as fast as we would like, or the results aren’t happening as quickly as we would like. It is all about slow and steady. Putting in work every day, and little by little seeing the results take place.

It also was a huge slap in the head, telling me how I have let so much of what I’ve learned go over the last year. I started to forget exactly who I am, and how to deal with conflict within myself. Ashtanga brought me back to that place today. After all the motherfuckers I gave myself, I started telling myself that I was an awesome motherfucker. I was a badass motherfucker — so those were motherfuckers. They were positive versus negative motherfuckers.

I don’t think I’ve written motherfucker that many times in a paragraph from the time I was born, but there’s a first for everything.

The point is — don’t worry about what happened in the past. Don’t worry about where you’re on your journey. Worry about the fact that you are participating. That you are growing. That you are working. That is the important part of all this shit. Always remember, there’s always a chance for you to begin again. And always remember that everything is not fucked forever. And if it takes you going back to a practice that makes you twist and turn and move, and most importantly pay attention to your breathing, then by God, let that be the vehicle that takes you on the expressway to life into the sunset.

I know that’s what I’m doing.

NMF
M

TRANSCRIPT

Hello, all you stoners out there in Zombie Land. Welcome to the show. Welcome to Breathing Bounce. My name is Michael, and it is a super hot fucking July out there lately. It is a super hot, sticky, yucky, disgusting July. And I’ll tell you something. If we were in Arizona right now, we wouldn’t be feeling the stickiness. We wouldn’t be feeling the shit. We’d just be feeling the heat, and heat is okay. We like heat. We don’t like the stickiness unless we’re apps, unless we are working. And that is what today is about. Today is about working, because we all got to do some work, right? We all gotta figure out where the fuck we’re going in life, right? Because if we don’t have a plan, what is it? Fail to plan, plan to fail. Is that what they say? You don’t always have to have a plan. Fuck! I’ve never had a plan in my life. It’s gotten me this far, but it is good to start living on a routine. Maybe, maybe routines of everywhere, not a plan. Plans are for plotters. That’s what someone would tell me whenever I was like trying to kickstart ideas wherever I worked or whatever I did in life. People said, “Oh, you have to plan. It’s like, why do? Don’t plan. Just do it, and you plan when you go when you go to a job interview. And if someone asks you, “Do you know how to do this? What do you say? Yes, I do. And if you don’t know how, then you learn pretty quick before the first day, or you learn on the job and you just muzzle your way through. It’s how I got one of my jobs in my life. Is I said I knew how to do something, and I quite frankly didn’t. Then my boss saw that I wasn’t able to, and I said, “Yeah, but I’ve learned a lot up to this point, so I know how now. Boss laughed at me and thought I was a stoner, and that was okay. You know, one of the biggest problems we have in life is our minds. Our minds fuck us. Our mind loves to fuck us because our mind is that thing that tells us, like, whenever we wanna go do something fun, something thrilling, and it might be something that brings us to the next level. The mind says, “Oh no, no, you can’t do that. You have this and that. You have this responsibility and that responsibility. You can’t. No, you got to go. I’ve been telling someone this for the last few months. She she’s not listening. Um. You got to take a chance. You got to bet on yourself, man. But the mind, the mind is the thing that stops you from going to the table and laying your chips down and seeing what happens, right? Your mind is trying to warn you and give you potential landmines that you are going to walk through and shit like that. You see, the mind, the mind is our biggest obstacle. The mind is a horrible thing. You know how they say in those drug commercials, the mind is a terrible thing to waste. No, it’s not. No, it’s not. It’s it’s a beautiful thing to waste because the mind gets you into trouble. The mind gets you into trouble, and then and then when you do get into trouble, then people say, well, you didn’t use your head. No, fuck that. We we knew what we were doing, right? We took a chance. I don’t think you should just the the drug reference is a little off. Okay, the drug reference is I shouldn’t slam on the drug reference because you know what? Doing drugs, it’s not really the coolest thing in the world. You know, there’s there’s negative consequences with that. But in any event, the mind tries to protect us. The mind try. It’s kind of like parents, you know. Parents, parents don’t want their kids taking unnecessary risks and chances. Like, if you are a parent and your kid says that they want to become like an artist or a musician or a athlete or a pro wrestler, and you don’t think they have what it takes, you’re going to try to stop them. You’re not going to believe fully into it. I know this because that’s how my parents were.

I knew that I had the chops to do things in life, but I had two parents that stifled me, and they got into my head, and then once they got into my head, any ambition I had about achieving goals that I wanted to do in my life, because here were my goals, and not in this order. I did want to be on the radio. That’s always been a thing. I wanted to be a guitarist in a band. Learning how to play guitar now, so there’s that. Wanted to be on TV. Wanted to act. Wanted to do pro wrestling, not necessarily wrestling, but at least be a manager because I got the mouth for it and I’ve got the brain for it. As far as getting in the ring and doing shit, I don’t think I have that kind of athletic ability. And yes, I could probably put on a bunch of pounds and maybe do it. Not now at 50. But back then, I could still manage. And one of these days, maybe I will go to a wrestling school. Maybe I will make history and be the oldest rookie manager in the WWE. I could do it, and I might. You never know, because when I see something I want to try, I try to do it. And if it doesn’t work out, then I say fuck it. It didn’t work out, and I move on. But we get into our head. Our head-it’s trying to keep us safe. It’s not because our head doesn’t like us. It’s not because our brain has some kind of grudge with us. It’s because it wants to keep us safe and comfortable. You know how I feel about comfort on this show. If you want to be comfortable, get yourself a fucking lazy boy and be comfortable for an hour. Beyond that, fucking fuck comfort. Said fuck five times in 30 seconds might be a record. But yeah, I mean that’s the thing is we ask ourselves when we get into this situation, when we do take the chance, then we start asking, “Where’s our mind? Because we don’t really know what we’re doing, right? We kind of feel like, “Okay, maybe we just completely fucked up. We we made a big mistake. You know, it happens. But I think part of understanding your brain and understanding how you work is learning how to get yourself in a routine and get yourself into some kind of ritual, so to speak, that helps you stay in that routine. And I will be honest with you: when I am in my routine, not a fucking thing can stop me. Stop. And I’m telling you right now, that’s what you got to do. You got to find what works for you in the morning. Maybe you go to the morning, you splash water in your face. Maybe you fricking take a shot of whiskey. Maybe you do something, but you gotta find it because you gotta get your way. You gotta get that engine going, right? You can’t just jump out of bed and just go. No, you gotta come up with a plan. There’s always something that brings you to the point where you need to start betting on yourself, where you need to make a change. Maybe it’s dissatisfaction in what’s going on in your life, maybe it’s dissatisfaction in your career, maybe it’s dissatisfaction in your relationship, whatever the case is, you feel some kind of you feel some kind of way about how everything is going, right? And you have to decide when is this shit gonna end, right? You have to decide how much more am I willing to tolerate? How much more am I willing to do? And we all, as humans, are very capable of taking a lot of pain. We are all capable of going through suffering, and just getting up the next day like nothing happened. We sure are, we are, and that’s the reason why you are where you’re at today. Is because you’ve gone through a lot of shit. You probably found the show because you got through a lot of shit. Now I’m not a motivational speaker. I want to say that off the bat, and I’ve said this on my shows a number of times.

I am telling you shit that I did for myself and what works for me, and you decide if it works for you. You can listen to this because you’re entertained because I’m a funny guy. Whatever. The point of the matter is, this is a this is a chance for you to just listen to someone ramble and move go on about life, about the pitfalls I’ve had, what’s worked for me, and what you know, what my life’s been like. And I’m gonna tell you, it’s not been a picnic. I have gone through a lot of bullshit, and a lot of the bullshit that I went through in life is caused by you guessed it, me. It is because of my unwillingness to change, my unwillingness to listen, my unwillingness to just stay calm, and these are all things that I know that come next school year, because I run a school transportation business, I have to do with my drivers. I also have to lay down some groundwork and some firm boundaries so everyone knows what to expect, because I have been running this thing for almost 15 years without any kind of solid foundation, without any kind of plan, and the shit’s gonna start to catch up on me the more business I get. So I mean, that’s just for one part of my life, which is a professional part of my life, and there are many professional parts of my life, but that’s the one that’s coming up, and that is the one that brings in the most bacon, for lack of a better word. Say potato chips, maybe. I remember my wife always said, “Bring home the French fries. So the French fries-it’s the one that brings home the French fries. So, okay, I just feel like sometimes when I’m talking. To you guys, I’m actually talking to me too. I mean, once in a while, I don’t have a mirror in the studio with me, but I should really bring it and just start looking at myself, talking to myself, and saying these things to myself because I don’t always listen to everything I say on the show. I’m not a fucking genius. I’m not a guru. I’m not. I’m not fucking Tony Robbins. You know, I’m not Mel Robbins. I mean, how many Robbins are? If if you have the last name Robbins, are you like is it Roberts? I don’t know. But maybe do you have do you automatically become an expert because your last name is Roberts? I mean, Eric Roberts and Julia Roberts are actors. I don’t know. I’m just rambling. Stoner shit. Anyway, you have to make a decision when you’re gonna stop this shit. You’re gonna make a decision when it’s time to stop fucking around. You have to make a decision when it’s time to stop playing the game. There’s this guy, his name is David. He runs a company called Man on Fire. It is fucking amazing. I never went to immersion. I really should go to an immersion, but it’s a lot of money, and I had to get away. But now I’m in a position where maybe I should do it. So maybe I’ll think about doing it again. I don’t know, but anyway, Dave. David talked about see your game. That’s something that he talked about, and it’s the first part. That’s the first thing that they cover: see your game. What is the game you’re playing? What are you lying to yourself about? What is stopping from you to make the next jump? And that has always resonated with me. And every once in a while, I have to look back and see what my game is at that particular moment. Because here’s the thing: when you’re making changes, you’re not making changes for a particular time. You’re trying to make changes for a lifetime, you’re trying to make a lifestyle change. You’re trying to do shit that’s gonna work. That’s the name of the game here. Lack of a better word again. Heaven lacks a better words today. Anyway, I can’t Melner. That’s his name, isn’t it? Melner. I don’t know. I don’t remember what his name is. Manonfire Rising.com. Check it out if you’re a dude, and if you want to meet other dudes that are in the shit, like you and me. Like I said, I did. I did do one of their programs.

I met this wonderful man. His name was Raj. He really was helpful to me, but I still think I hit a lot of stuff. I I didn’t. I don’t think I completely immersed myself into the process, and that’s the thing: is when we are going to do this shit, we have to go all in. We have to say, “This is it. I’m tired of living this life. I’m tired of beating myself up. I’m tired of creating all these obstacles for myself. I am tired of facing fucking heartache every fucking day, so you gotta first say that to yourself, and then once you say that to yourself, then the fun begins. Yeah, yeah, it’s what I’m saying. It’s time for the heartache to end. It is time for all the bullshit to end, and we all have to remember that everything in life and tends to be our fault. It tends to be because of something we did. Now, yes, there are crazy people out there that are just gonna fuck with you. So then you gotta make the decision whether or not you want to be around those people or not. You know, you got to make the decision of who’s going to support you on your journey and who’s not. Who’s going to try to, you know, screw things up for you, or who is going to be the ones that are going to help elevate you? And sometimes, unfortunately, we have to just, you know, understand that we might have to do it all by ourselves because, you know, one of the things is people don’t want to see you succeed. Sometimes people want to keep you at their level, and that is something that is something that happened to me pretty much. I would say towards the later years of high school, as I started to go to college, I started to do shit, and a lot of my other friends they got left behind, and and a lot of my other friends that were kind of in that same mindset as we as I was, they kind of went on their own journey too, right? They kind of just started doing their own thing, and they started deciding that it would be better to you know invest in themselves rather than invest in the partying and stuff. So you have to just make sure that you are with people that are going to elevate you, people that are going to push you, people are going to support you. And you know what, family? I just told you a little while ago about how my family kind of held me back. My family completely held me back in my life. My family didn’t give me any hope of college, and maybe it was because I was a bad kid, and they thought I was a fuck up. Maybe that had something to do with it. Maybe they just thought that I was too fucked up in my head to move forward, you know, because of all the ADHD and all the other shit that I. Gone through, I mean, this is these are two people that decided to put me on Ridlin at age four. Okay, so they obviously wanted to have a nice, cool kid like my brother, because my brother was the opposite of me. My brother did well in school. My brother made friends. My brother didn’t have getting to fights all the time. My brother wasn’t doing drugs all the time. That was me. I did all that shit, and I think I was the out black sheep of the family. And I think my dad was just always resentful of me because I think my dad, you know, I think he put all his eggs in my brother’s basket. But I showed him that I was the I was the son that you should have bet on, and I mean my brother’s successful too. I haven’t spoken to him in more than a decade, and I know he, you know, I know he’s got a business and he’s doing his own thing, and he’s out in Arizona right now, and you know I have nothing but love for him, you know, even though he doesn’t really give a shit that I’m alive or not, but that’s okay because we don’t worry about what people think about us. We worry about how we feel inside.

We don’t have to eat at dinner with everyone we don’t like, but we don’t have to wish them to starve. You know what I mean? And I think that’s part of the problem: is we don’t have that sense of gratitude. We don’t have that sense of just being a okay, and it’s something that you learn. It’s something that you teach yourself. It’s something that you learn by just seeing the experiences of other people. You know, many people are quick to judge others because of whatever their reasons are, but they don’t really put themselves in the shoes. But that’s all about you know trying to get the toxicity out of your body, and it’s about trying to start to find people who have shared values as you, who are like-minded like you, who are going to push you. And if you can’t find that people, so you know that’s what you got to do is you just got to start making decisions on what you’re going to associate with, what you’re going to take in, what you’re going to do. You’re going to have to just start really thinking about it, and you’re going to have to make sacrifices because there might be fun people out there, people you really look. But are those people good for you? Are those people helping you? Are they helping elevate you? That’s the question. You know, for the most part, people I think always mean well, but I don’t think people know when they’re really taking someone down. I’ve always tried never to push down anyone else’s dreams in life. I’ve always wanted to be, especially like my my children, especially. You know, I truly believe in their talent. I do believe in their abilities, and I will support them. And one thing about my youngest is my youngest is chasing that dream. My youngest is wants to you know wants to do theater, and she’s involved in two theater camps this month, this summer. She gets involved in school. She’s she’s all over the place, and she’s doing exactly what she needs to do. The things that I wish I did when I was younger, and you know, if you are a young person, if you find something you like, hone in on it, stay with it, study it, live it. You will get somewhere with it. You will eventually find work doing it, and then at that point, it is no longer work. It is fun, but you have got to push. You have got to push yourself, and you got to push yourself if you want to get yourself in a better mindset, then you have to push yourself. You have to start doing things you don’t want to do. One of the things you might want to do is start working out because the gym has helped me tremendously. From my mental health, it is oh my god! I can’t even explain how much of a help it’s been for me. And you take a look at the. You just take a look at the days you don’t want to go, but then you gotta go. You gotta go to the gym. If you have to study, you gotta study. And when I say study, I’m talking about like sadhaya. I can’t even say the fucking word. The self study. My yoga teacher. I can’t even speak fucking. Yes. So you have to, you you have to like work on the self study. You just have to put that time in, even if you don’t want to. It’s a sped sped high spedya. I can’t even say the fucking word. I’m a fucking yoga teacher, and I can’t even speak fucking Sanskrit. What the fuck am I doing in life? You know, I at least had to self-study. Okay, maybe that’s what I’ll do. You know what I’m gonna do? One day I’m just gonna get the fucking limbs and I am just gonna rewrite them in English and say, okay, this is what you need to do. Because when you start telling people like Asteya, that one I do know. That’s um non. That’s non-stealing. You know, stealing your state. That’s stating your truth. You know, ahimsa is non-harmon. So I’m just gonna say, non-harmon. Speak your truth. Sell. Study yourself. That’s gonna be the yoga. Class, I’m gonna run, and then all the yoga teachers were like, “Oh, about y’all cheating!

You’re not doing ah fuck that. Yoga is yoga, however you want to do it. The thing is, you got to push. You got to push yourself to do these things. You got to push yourself to work. You got to get that work in, and you got to do it because everyone in life, everyone in life needs a little push, push. Am I right? Dig what I’m saying. That’s what you gotta do is push things to the limit. You gotta just be all in on yourself. You have gotta bet on yourself. You have gotta not listen to other people. You need to do what’s right for you. That is the key. For me, I talked about this a couple weeks ago. I changed this entire show. First, just making the choice to do the podcast was already tough, you know. And I’m like, oh, I’m gonna do it about yoga. Yay, yoga! And I learned that as much as I love yoga, I started to say to myself, maybe I don’t know everything about yoga. I never thought I did, and I was learning as I went. But then I want to talk about me. I want to talk about my experiences. I want to talk about life because I’ve got experience in life, and I’ve got experience in shit, and I got experience with mental health. I got experience with going into mental health hospitals and facilities. I have experience with medication. I have experience with being stereotyped and being discriminated against because of my mental health. I have those are the experiences I have in life, and for me, I just kept pushing and pushing and pushing because I hear a lot of people say to me that they don’t know too many business owners that are BPD, and that’s bullshit because BPD is not something that holds you back. BPD is something that you fucking have and you learn how to live with, and it’s taken me a long time. I was diagnosed 10 years ago, and ever since that diagnosis, my whole life, my whole world turned upside down because I had to learn how to function with it, and I’m still learning, and I still fuck up. I still can be really clingy. I can be really untrusting. I can be really scared of the abandonment. I get really all those symptoms. I still have them because that’s a part of me because that’s who I am. But the thing we have to have is we have to have a positive belief in our life that we are going to be moving in the right direction, that we are going up. It is important to have that mindset. It is important to think that way. It isn’t toxic positivity. It is the truth. You want to give yourself positive fuel, and you need to understand that when you’re down, there’s nowhere else to go. And you got to keep dreaming, and you got to keep wanting, and you got to keep searching, because once that’s all gone, then there’s nothing left. And for me, I still have a lot of shit that I want to do. There’s, I, I want. I obviously want this show to go somewhere. I want to do more. I kind of want to turn mental health upside down on its head because I don’t think we’ve been doing it right. I think we’ve been doing it kind of. I don’t know, delicately maybe, and you can’t be delicate about this shit. You gotta, you gotta just say how it is, and some people may not be able to handle that. It’s not because they’re not ready, and maybe you have to have different levels, but you gotta decide what level you’re at in your life. You gotta decide what you want. You gotta decide where you want to go and where you’re at, and you can’t let that brain of yours slow you down. Don’t let that brain talk you out of possibly doing something really good. Just keep on dreaming, because a wise man once told me that if you stop dreaming, you stop living. And there is much to gain from this life living. Sure, it’s going to be paradise from well gone.

But while you’re here, you might as well do the best you can with what you got, and make the biggest impact on others as you can, and most importantly, make yourself whole and make yourself happy. May you be well. May you be happy. May you be peaceful. May your breath take you places that your mind cannot. Thank you so much for listening. Go do that work. Be your best bet. I’ll be your biggest fan and I’ll be your biggest cheerleader all along the way. If you don’t have anyone else, Namaste, motherfucker.

I get really emotional about seeing how people get treated. And for years, I did it. But now, it does affect me, and now it makes me feel a certain way. I don’t want it to be seen as weakness, but a lot of people tell me not to worry about what happens with other people.

I see loved ones and friends going through struggles, and I want to help, but I know that I can’t. I can give advice. I can tell them what I would do, but that doesn’t fix the problem. The problem is that they have to fix it themselves, and I cannot participate in their healing or their fixing, if you will.

It’s really hard when you want to help people who won’t really talk to you or want to keep their distance from you because of things you did in the past. Sometimes you know that they’re hurting and they could just use a friend, and you wanna be that friend, but the time is not right for that yet.

You want to give and give and give, and you want to just really make people happy. But then, sometimes in life, there are people out there you just can’t make happy no matter what you do. And the easiest thing to do is walk away, but sometimes we just keep going, hoping for a different outcome. Some people call that insanity. But I would say it’s hope.

You see, I’ve got hope for humanity. And I believe that although humanity has taken some dark, twisted turns, I am hopeful that one day people will see the error of their ways and learn how to forgive, learn how to accept, to stop judging, stop hating, stop criticizing.

Utopia, you say? Maybe. But anything is possible. And if everyone can just do a little bit together, we can all do a lot. And then maybe we can find ways to limit anxiety in our lives. Maybe we can stop the depression from creeping. And maybe all those heavy moments we have in our brains, we can find a way to live with them. Whether we are someone that was attacked, beaten, or mentally abused, or if in fact we are the abusers who see the damage that we have done and don’t want to make those mistakes again and be better than we were before.

I ask for help. I ask that the world changes where we’re not so concerned with money and material things, but we are concerned with mindfulness and things that make the heart sing.

NMF
Your good friend Michael

HIGHLIGHTS

We live in a society of lies, don’t we? I mean, look at all the tabloids. You know, those are right there at the grocery store. You’ll see the National Enquirer, and you’ll see something that says like bringing Ronald Reagan back to life or some shit like that, and you’re like, how the fuck are they gonna do that? But I think the truth of the matter is, is fiction is easier to take than truth. I think it’s easier to take than truth when you’re dealing with your role models in sports and TV, I mean, especially when you’re a kid. I mean, it’s so much easier to believe that there’s a fictitious red man in a suit jumping around from house to house, going down chimneys, giving people presents, rather than knowing it’s your parents. Oh my God, my parents did this shit for me. But it’s still a loving gesture. But we do these little things. We tell these little stories because it makes everything more beautiful. Makes everything more digestible. It comes with the territory of who we are, and we might be very self-involved, selfish. We might be very conceited, and all these things. But we like to tell people that we’re not. But I think inside of us, a lot of us can be. I think a lot of us can be judgmental. I think there’s a lot of people that can, you know, think different things about certain people, and I think we eventually, when we become honest about these parts of us, that’s when we have the opportunity to take action and possibly get away from those parts, and that’s hard to do once again because you know bullshit is easier to swallow than the truth, and I know that sounds disgusting to eat bullshit, but I guess it tastes better

So that’s basically what we do. We tell the white lie. We say whatever we need to say to make ourselves feel better, because that’s what it’s about-is being comfortable. We talk about comfort on this show so much. It’s so great to be comfortable, right? Wrong. It’s not good to be comfortable. It might be okay to be comfortable sitting into a chair, but beyond that, living life and comfort sucks. Okay, I’m sorry, and maybe people disagree with that, and people think that I’m a crazy person, and that’s okay because I pretty much am. Being comfortable does not allow you to change. Being comfortable does not allow you to grow. So you have to sometimes just be honest, and you have to fucking. You don’t even have to find the right words. It’s just the intention behind those words, right?

Sometimes it’s about facing facing the difficulties head on, taking them on head on, and stop trying to sprinkle little crumbs of white lies to help you get it better, to make it feel better. Right? Sometimes that’s what you need. Sometimes you do need that friend that’s going to give it to you straight. We live in a world where we tend to just bullshit ourselves all the time. We bullshit other people, we bullshit everyone. I was saying that earlier, and I’m saying it again because it’s true. Because I really want you to get down in your brain and really think about this. Let’s think about this together, okay? Are we 100% honest all the time? No. So. Sometimes we don’t tell people things because we don’t want to hurt their feelings. Like I said, sometimes we don’t tell people the truth, how we really feel about them, because we’re afraid if they know that we really like them, they’re going to react a different way. Sometimes we feel like we’re going to compromise relationships, so that’s why we keep our shit to ourselves. And then sometimes we’re afraid we’re going to lose people if we tell them the truth about anything.

I have been having kind of a rough time as I have been moving, and I am now living in a place where I am very uncomfortable. This is because I have a lot of bad memories of pain that I caused others there, and I also think about the way my kids were when they were younger and how much closer I was to them than I am now because, as we all know, kids eventually grow up and wanna be independent and want to do their own thing and sometimes they don’t need their parents in their business.

When we have bad attitudes and bad energy, it goes out there. People receive that energy and people process it and people internalize it, and sometimes that energy can put them in a bad mood. It’s kind of like someone working as a cashier at a fast food joint — that person tries her hardest to show great customer service and be nice and kind and welcoming, and the person ordering has the worst attitude in the world and is pissed off and takes it out on this poor person. This now makes the cashier feel somewhat triggered, maybe upset, maybe confused, and they have to shake that off and continue to do their job correctly, which is gonna take a lot more energy from them.

The way we interact with people can create such a domino effect. Someone might be driving down the road and flip you off because someone said something really nasty to them on the phone, and that person wasn’t in a bad mood because they woke up and didn’t feel right. The energy is a ripple effect, and it is so fascinating to me as I write this, as I am teaching myself this. You have to remember: whenever you read or listen to anything on Breathe N Bounce, you’re not listening to an expert — you’re listening to someone who is learning just like you are. I write and I read at the same time.

I think that my energy can be really good at times and really horrible at others, and when I say horrible, I mean beyond. I am really fucking negative. I am like doomsday negative — Type O Negative couldn’t write a song so depressing about my attitude at times. I can get very angry. I can get very bitchy. I get really whiny, clingy. I get all these things. But these things aren’t who I am. They are things that I am projecting because I received energy from some other source.

So I think the trick is to understand that you can be the electric tape that stops that current. You can be the one that slows down the speed of the negative energy. Hell, you can even put a stop to it. This isn’t about toxic positivity. This is about understanding that we do affect all. You never know who’s paying attention to you. You never know who’s watching you. You never know who’s listening. And someone might actually be listening to you and feeling so agitated by your words that it makes them, when they leave you, be an asshole to someone else. This is all really true and I really do believe it.

So as I said on Friday FaceTime yesterday, I am really going to make a cognizant effort to work on this. This way, people that I love know that I love them without a doubt, that I don’t have a problem with them. This way, I spread some kindness and goodness in the world, which is very needed right now. We all have to drop our swords. We all have to drop our weapons, and we have to understand that not everything is about us. We have a responsibility — all of us — to make this world a better place. That doesn’t just mean by cleaning up the streets. It also means cleaning up the way that we treat people, and most importantly, the way we treat ourselves. Yes, I know at the beginning of this I said it’s not about doing drugs and engaging in reckless activities, but that does go along with it.

And in any event, it is your life and you make the decision on how you want to move forward. Me? I am going to try to just bring more love and kindness and happiness and excitement and comedy everywhere I go, and try to leave the other bullshit behind.

NMF
M