“Purify Your Heart To Serve Me Sincerely.”

Mitzvahs Are Not Good Deeds

Most consider mitzvahs to be good deeds. But, if an individual does what seems like a good deed whenever it may strike them to do it, it’s a good deed, which is wonderful, but not a mitzvah.

A mitzvah is a channel for divine energy, clarity, healing, strength and love. A mitzvah is a gift to all and opens a door to dimensions we may have been unaware of. It brings enormous benefit, energy and possibility into our lives – and the lives of others.

“Doing good is not about being nice. You can do nice things all day long for many people, but it could be all just more service of your own self, food for your own ego. This world is a place where people need each other, not so we can be nice, but to escape the confines of our own egos.”

The Lubavitch Rebbe

Food For The Soul

Mitzvahs not only dissolve the negative ego, they are food for the soul. There are positive and negative actions, we are instructed to take, and to refrain from. There are special times and circumstances in which to do a mitzvah and times to refrain. Each mitzvah, when done in the prescribed manner, thoroughly affects all aspects of our life, and the lives of others. These behaviors are also a way of stopping impulsive, random behavior and attending carefully to where we are.

So often we are unaware of who is really standing before us, and what is truly needed from us in this moment. The mitzvah shows us. It is here to protect the world we live in, and our lives, bringing heaven to earth. When we take on these mitzvah we are uniting matter and spirit, integrating and healing the entire world. Each mitzvah has enormous reverberations, most of which we are unaware. They not only guide and protect us, they protect the whole universe.

That is why the mitzvah need to be done precisely. This is similar to karate, where students are taught to make specific moves. These moves not only bring forth certain energies, they also protect the student from receiving blows. The same is true for the mitzvot.

Mitzvot and Mindfulness

Mitzvot create structure and mindfulness in our lives. Mindfulness is one of the main function of the mitzvot. They keep us constantly aware of where we are, what the circumstances are, what time it is, who is in front of you, and which mitzvah is required at this particular moment.

We are stopped from responding to life in a helter skelter manner. Instead, everything becomes an opportunity to do an appropriate mitzvah, bring light to the situation. When we take this point of view, even painful situations become a chance to grow.

It’s easy to think of mitzvot and discipline as a yoke around our necks. Most want to be free, do as they wish. However, depending upon our passing desires binds us differently. As desires and circumstances constantly change, it’s easy to experience loss of anchors, instability and confusion.

However, our restriction of movement, actions and choices assist and balance us by harnessing our energy and focusing our lives. Our random impulses can no longer scatter us or sabotage our plans. And as we do the mitzvah, not only do we attain balance and clarity and uplift or heal the situation, but also bring light into the world.

Becoming Aware

A Time To Stop

Stopping is at the very heart of the practice of mitzvahs. The practice of both mitzvahs and mindfulness require us to become aware. We stop living on automatic and see what’s going on. Our focus changes as well, from meeting our own needs to seeing what is needed from us. And offering it.

We change as we do the mitzvot as well. Our social persona cannot take over as we spend less time in pointless activities and conversations. Most of the time, we race from one activity to another, one relationship to the next. But, as we stop, we become fully aware of where we are now, what is happening and what is truly valuable right now. This brings a great deal of clarity and fulfillment as we do not get our sense of value from others as much, but from the beauty and power of what we are offering.

Our Attention Is Our Life Force

Our attention is our life force. That which we attend to increases. Most mitzvahs are fundamentally a way of giving love, protection and attention to the world, to one another and to our Source. And, when anyone receives real attention, it is hard not to feel loved.

As We Pay Full Attention, And Offer What Is Needed, We Find Less and Less Problems

In the practice of mindfulness and mitzvahs, we pay attention in a unique manner, We do not ask for things to behave in a way that suits us, or to fulfill some expectation. Instead, we just fully attend to what is here, what is needed from us, and offer it fully with a whole heart.

As this takes place, it is harder and harder to perceive a problem with anything. Everything naturally falls into its perfect place, like sunshine, that warms whatever it may touch.

INVITATION –

I hope to offer a free Mitzvah Support group on Zoom. We will all do a different mitzvah together each week, then gather together to discuss what happened, what we learned, and how it affected our day and life.

BIO: Brenda is a psychologist, award winning author and playwright and long-term practitioner of both Zen and Judaism. Her work integrates the teachings and practices of East and West, and includes many specific exercises so one can actually experience the teachings in their everyday lives.

This program is an outgrowth of her new book, SACRED PSYCHOLOGY, (An Invitation To Live). www.brendashoshannaauthor.com

Usually, as we search for happiness, we want that which gives us pleasure, and reject that which we dislike. Whatever happens, we immediately judge and evaluate it, whether an event, person, or experience. This one is good, that one is bad. I hate this and love that. I will seek this and cling to it, and throw that away. This very way of being is, itself, an illness, and brings confusion and loss all day long. This way of being causes us to become divided, as we reject half of life and of ourselves as well. Then we wonder why we feel empty and alone.

This goes on all day long. From the moment we wake up in the morning, until we go to sleep, we are busy rejecting at least half of what life has to offer. Then we wonder why we don’t know who we really are, are not in touch with all of ourselves, or of life.

Our Suffering Is Caused By Constantly Saying No

We cause our own suffering by constantly judging and rejecting, refusing our love if a person irritates us without giving anything time. Of course we may be irritated one moment, but if you were open and patient, in a little while, you might inevitably feel differently. Feelings change as do experiences, something brand new arrives on the horizon, if are you available to see it.

Feelings Come and Go

Feelings come and go inevitably. They cannot be counted upon to bring us happiness. To base our actions and hopes upon passing feelings kills relationships with others and ourselves. No one is given a chance to be all they can be, the full person.

As we sit in judgment upon all of life, we never stop to ask ourselves, who are we to judge anyone? Who made us judge and jury? Can we truly be so arrogant to so easily throw away half of this immense world that has been given to us to care for and love? In order to find joy, stability and meaning in our lives, we must turn this usual way of behaving around.

Exercise: Do Not Reject Others. Give Them A Chance To Grow and Change.

When we meet someone noisy, rude, or unpleasant, this is a wonderful opportunity. Rather than push them aside, it is the perfect time to realize that this is only one moment of the entire possibility of who they are. Let that moment be and wait for the next. If you do not reject or react to it, you make room for the person to move along. Both of you are not then stuck in that situation. Just being fully with someone as they are is an enormous gift and medicine for both of you.

To constantly cling to one part of life and reject the other rips us in half. We live in constant fear of something negative appearing and constant longing for what we like. Living this way, how can we be available to that which is truly being given to us, and what is needed from us in return? Only as we live through all moments, can we see what is truly here. Only then is discernment possible.

Naturally, we are all subject to times of suffering, as well as joy and fulfillment. Some of us cannot bear these fluctuations. We then withdraw, become depressed, and refuse to face or engage with life as it is. For a while this withdrawal can provide a false sense of being in control. In truth, we are then out of control, unwilling to unite with our entire experience.

A great Zen teacher reminded us, “You must learn how to hold all of life in the palm of your hand.

The Next Moment Always Brings Something New

As we stay with each moment just as it is, we learn how to thoroughly experience whatever is happening fully. It is then easy to also see that the next moment often brings something new. It is what we add to the moment that turns it into suffering, our complaints, fantasies and fears. It is what we tell ourselves about what is happening, rather than the direct experience of it. Our direct experience is simply an experience, and we can taste it and leave it at that.

Forget About Adding The Labels

Labels hold everything in place, but do not allow things to change. Many are labelled, bad, sick, crazy , etc. Once an individual is branded and labeled, it is difficult to see them any other way. Instead, we simply see our label of them, and a true meeting with them is lost.

What a gift to allow others to change, grow, reveal who they are, both to you and themselves.

Stop Demanding That Everything Be Different From What It is

Life arises as it arises. It is our demand that it turn out differently which causes our suffering, and the suffering we inflict upon others. We demand that we live forever, demand that everyone love us, no matter who, that we make no mistakes, eat only fine food, stay beautiful forever, get what we think is our just due. And we refuse sorrow and ugliness. We go to all lengths to secure these illusions and wonder why we feel trapped in a life without a way out.

The Medicine of Truth

As we practice and allow our Buddha Nature, (clear, loving nature), our spirit, into our lives, the potential for health, clarity, and love matures. We are then able to be aware of the beauty, joy, and wonder of all aspects of life.

This experience will bring us all the healing, joy, and strength we need. Try this wonderful practice, even once. As you do, you will recover a day, or relationship, that may have been lost to you.

Touchstone: What Are You Being Given to Interact with Day by Day?

Take a look and see what’s actually in your life moment by moment, day by day. Do you

welcome it? How do you receive it? Are you fully present for it, even though it may be

something you do not want? Can you find a way to honor it?

BIO;

Brenda Shoshanna, Ph.D. is an award winning author, speaker, psychologist and long term Zen practitioner. Her work integrates the teachings of East and West and focuses upon how to live them in our everyday lives. This article is based upon her new book, SACRED PSYCHOLOGY (An Invitation To Live). www.brendashoshannaauthor@yahoo.com. Brenda offers talks, workshops, topspeaker@yahoo.com. Her YouTube channel is Dr Brenda Shoshanna @Brendatalks963.

Before we engage in all kinds of healing practices and take medicines, let’s take a moment to see what we are truly suffering from? What are some main causes of our difficulties? There are clear direct ways of healing always available, once we see what is truly going on.

Let’s explore a few, main causes of suffering, see how they interact and how we can easily be free of them.

“Wherever we go we re-create our shells around us, feeling it will keep us safe. But, instead, our shells crush us and keep out our light.”

Master Taisen Deshimaru

The Nature of the Self-Absorbed Mind

By its very nature the self-absorbed mind is driven by its fierce desire to want praise and good for itself and not for others. The self-absorbed mind craves being the best, and looks down on others. It thrives on blocking out the larger reality, lives in fantasies of all kinds. When its fantasies and demands are not met, trouble often develops, creating great pain for many.

But the self-absorbed mind can only rule our lives if we give our power to it and do not see it for what it truly is. Once we see the truth about it, healing becomes simple and easy.

“Give up sirs, your proud airs, your many wishes, mannerisms and extravagant claims. They won’t do you any good, sir! That’s all I have to tell you.”

Lao Tsu

This instruction deals with the pride that the self-absorbed mind develops, and replaces it with true happiness and simplicity. It shows us clearly, that others do not cause our misery, only our endless pride does.

Wanting Praise – Fearing Blame

Our desire for continual praise, recognition, and approval is part of our basic suffering. This desire creates the fear of blame, censure, and rejection most of us live with daily. These fears prevent us from doing so much that would be meaningful both to ourself and others and bring great delight.

Many cling to a limited, constricted life because it feels safe and they feel they will find praise that way, and not risk blame. But freedom from praise and blame opens the door to much growth, adventure and new possibilities.

The True Disease of the Mind

“To separate what we like from what we dislike is the disease of mind.”

Sosan (Patriarch of Zen)

Sosan was a great Master. Here he is pointing out our true illness, our craving only for that which gives us pleasure, and rejection of that which we dislike, or which brings discomfort.

The moment something happens, we immediately judge and evaluate whether it is good or bad, whether we like it or hate it. If we like it, we cling to it and seek it everywhere. If we do not like it, we reject it and throw it away. This very way of being a strong cause of suffering, causes us to become divided, rejecting half of life and clinging to the rest. Conflict, confusion and loneliness inevitably arises as we use our energy to reject at least half of what life has to offer, including others and ourselves. It casuses us to constantly judge ourselves and others and refuse to know or love a person or situation if they do not meet our needs or enhance our self- image.

As we sit in judgment upon all of life, we never stop to ask ourselves, who made us judge and jury? Can we truly be so foolish to so easily throw away this immense world that has been given to us to care for and love? This way of being easily kills relationships as it prevents us from seeing more deeply into what life really has to offer, and to grow in many ways.

Experiment: Try This Out

When we meet someone noisy, rude, or unpleasant, this is a wonderful opportunity. Rather than push the person aside, it is the perfect time to practice and not separate what you like from what you dislike. Accept that person and be with him fully, just as he is. If you are immediately sitting in judgment on him/her, stop it. Reject your own negative thoughts; do not reject others. Give them and yourself a chance to grow, change and see more deeply.

To cling to one part of life and run from the other ultimately rips us in half. It causes us to live in constant fear of something negative, and constant longing for what we crave. Living this way, how can we be available to that which is being given to us, that which is truly present, of what our life consists of today?

As we go through life, all of us are naturally subject to times of suffering, as well as times of joy and fulfillment. Some of us cannot bear these fluctuations. We then withdraw, become depressed, refuse to face reality and live in our fantasies more and more.

Here is a wonderful story about a different way of being, how easy and enjoyable it can be.

Letting Go of Praise and Blame

Hakuin was a great Zen Master who lived simply and unpretentiously. All the townspeople loved and praised him. They brought him food regularly and made many offerings, telling him how wonderful he was.

When they did, Hakuin thanked them, and said, “Is that so?”

One day a young woman in town became pregnant and her boyfriend ran away. She was scared and needed help caring for the baby. The young woman told everyone that Hakuin was the father of the baby. In shock and horror, the townspeople turned on Hakuin then, casting blame upon him, not making any more offerings, either.

When Hakuin saw all this, he simply said, “Is that so?”

When the baby was born the young woman brought the child to Hakuin. “Since this is your child, take care of it,” she said, handing the baby to him.

Hakuin took the baby lovingly and said, “Is that so?”

A year passed and Hakuin took wonderful care of the child. Then, the child’s real father returned, ashamed. He wanted to marry the young woman and take the child back.

The young woman told the truth to the townspeople. They were amazed and began heaping praise on Hakuin again.

When Hakuin heard the praise, he said, “Is that so?”

Then the young woman and her new husband came to see Hakuin and said they wanted the baby back!

Hakuin lovingly returned the child to them and said, “Is that so?”

Not caught by the need for praise or fear of blame, not absorbed by himself, Hakuin could take appropriate, loving action naturally, not absorbed by himself. His actions always were for the good of all concerned. How could he suffer then?

Experiment: Is That So?

Whatever happens to you today, tomorrow, and the next day, respond by saying, ‘Is that so?’

Continue this on and on. You think it’s hard to do it? Is that so?

As you do this, the thrills and chills of winning and losing will subside.

Is that so, done relentlessly, brings silence, peace, and true understanding. We acknowledge that life and people’s responses are constantly changing and refuse to take them personally. Instead, we respond harmoniously to all.

This wonderful practice prevents us from getting caught up in a life of clinging, disappointment and games.

BIO: Brenda Shoshanna, Ph.D. is an award-winning author, speaker, psychologist and long term Zen practitioner. Her work integrates the teachings of East and West and focuses upon how to live them in our everyday lives. This article is based upon her new book, SACRED PSYCHOLOGY (An Invitation To Live).

www.brendashoshannaauthor@yahoo.com.

Brenda offers talks, workshops, topspeaker@yahoo.com. Her YouTube channel is Dr Brenda Shoshanna @Brendatalks963.

The Healing Power of Authenticity

Because it encouraged righteous pride, the Buddha himself turned away from the hierarchies of his day. He rejected external authority and set out upon a quest not only to find, but to be the truth, to be authentic.

When we are the truth, the split between what we know and who we are vanishes. We do not speak and think one way, then act another. Instead of tearing ourselves apart, we manifest what is real. This authenticity is the basis for true well-being and health.

“Schizophrenia is not a break with reality,

It is a break with sincerity.”

The Pain of Being False, Split, Conflicted

One of the greatest psychological pains we all suffer is the pain of being split, false, conflicted. This comes from knowing one thing, and being or living, another. Knowledge that has not been digested, absorbed into our very bones, becomes poison that we carry. That is why what we truly know is expressed by who we are. For example, in a true conversation it is not what we say but who we are, the true presence that connects and heals.

True Well Being

Many forms of healing are based upon defining what is right or wrong, what is sick, or healthy. Healers and caregivers often fit their clients into pre-established patterns, which may be different from who the patient is and what he/she truly needs. Needless to say, this mode of healing causes limitation, confusion and a sense that there is something fundamentally wrong with us, that we are full of faults.

In healing through Sacred Psychology, the healer does not look for what is wrong with everyone they meet, what their weaknesses are, and their faults. It is not the healer’s job to fix, change, or instruct their clients. They focus, instead, upon the person’s strengths and beauty and also look deeply at themselves.

This form of healing recognizes that our incredible life changes constantly right before our eyes. We allow for this change and for the emergence of natural health and well-being. This form of healing focuses instead upon authenticity, which is the best medicine of all. As we function this way we realize that what is possible is way beyond what we ever imagined.

“Do not seek to straighten another

Do a harder thing instead –

Straighten yourself.”

Buddha

The Great Gift of Trust

A true basis for healing arises when we are able to help the person who has come for help to fully listen to, welcome, and trust themselves. As they return to that which is deepest and most healing within, their own pathway becomes clear. And the healer walks along with them, accompanies them, as a means of true support and friendship.

SOME GUIDELINES FOR HEALERS

1) Don’t Interfere; Accompany the Patient on Their Journey

The job of a healer is to accompany the patient on the journey they undertake, to lend support and courage, not to interfere. When we interfere with, impose upon, or categorize another human being, we are diminishing their natural ability to heal. And we are often turning them into an object, robbing them of trust in themselves.

Trust in Oneself

Trust in oneself is one of the most powerful medicines available. Yet all of society conspires to take that away. Why is trust in oneself so dangerous? How can we re-claim it for ourselves and others? These are the questions that all who heal and help must dwell upon. Notice each time that faith in yourself wavers, see what has caused it to happen and strengthen yourself immediately. Remind yourself of the truth. Lack of trust in oneself causes imbalances and confusion of all kinds.

2) Know the Difference Between Medicine and Poison

Eliminate the Poison and Offer True Medicine

A healer must know the difference between medicine and poison. Some give poison, thinking they are giving medicine. But medicine can turn into poison, and the other way around.

Sometimes medicine turns to poison, and vigilance is needed. What has been good for someone may no longer be useful. What has been painful may suddenly cause them to grow. It is necessary to be awake as to what is happening in the other person, what they truly need and want.

When Medicine Turns To Poison

Most live in the world not knowing what is medicine or what is poison. We don’t know what we really need, what will make us strong, healthy, clear, and compassionate, or what will cause anguish. We think if we like something, if it tastes good and goes down nicely, that it is going to be good for us. If we like a person, if they’re sweet, kind, charming, it’s medicine. We want to run to that kind of person, food, or experience.

We go to whatever tastes sweet and delicious, and then things suddenly change and we become dismayed. So many come to a therapist and say, “My relationship started out so wonderfully; he was so sweet, kind, charming in the beginning. Now it’s a mess. How come I was betrayed?”

We Are Never Betrayed by a Person; Only by Our Own False Expectations

We are never betrayed by a person, only by our own false expectations. In fact, when a person is in a relationship that seems so sweet and lovely, where everything they want is being supplied, this person may not understand why they are becoming weaker, more dependent, or increasingly frightened that the partner will go away.

If the Situation Is Weakening You, It’s Poison

On the other hand, we can become involved with people and situations that are terrifically bitter, that we don’t like. These are painful and we want to run away. Some people in these situations come to therapists asking, “Why can’t I be in a relationship where things are normal and healthy? I don’t deserve treatment like that. I’m getting out of here.” Naturally running away, doesn’t work. Better to explore this situation fully for all the teachings and gifts it has to offer you.

3) Walking Through the Open Door

The door to your answer is always open. Open the door and walk right in. Walking through the open door means taking one step after another and experiencing each step for yourself. You don’t have to struggle to do it. The door’s already open. the possibility is always there.

The Touchstone below is an exercise for you to explore this for yourself.

What Is the Medicine, What Is the Sickness?

Touchstone: What is something in your life that you would consider sickness? How are you treating it? What medicine are you taking? What is the sickness it is seeking to cure? Think about that carefully. Look at the sickness again and again. Now look carefully at the medicine you may be taking or the ways in which you are trying to cure or change what is bothering you.

Now, open the door. Can you see it all differently? Is there another way of understanding what the true sickness is here, another way of finding a cure?

BIO; Brenda Shoshanna, Ph.d. is an award winning author, speaker, psychologist and long term Zen practitioner. Her work integrates the teachings of East and West and focuses upon how to live them in our everyday lives. This article is based upon her new book, SACRED PSYCHOLOGY (An Invitation To Live). www.brendashoshannaauthor@yahoo.com. Brenda offers talks, workshops, topspeaker@yahoo.com. Her YouTube channel is Dr Brenda Shoshanna @Brendatalks963.

I am delighted to announce the arrival of my new book,

SACRED PSYCHOLOGY, (An Invitation To Live), available at amazon and online. Here is an article from it.

“The whole world is medicine.

What is the illness?”

INTRODUCTION

“The way out is through the door,

How come nobody ever takes that method?”

Today we are experiencing all kinds of physical, emotional, and spiritual illness along with massive confusion about what is really causing the suffering we are going through. There are fundamental principles of healing which have been known for centuries but are now largely

ignored. These healing truths are often in conflict with many current psychological practices, which frequently make our suffering worse. While symptoms can be temporarily alleviated, the root of our illness is usually untouched.

Sacred Psychology offers a radically different perspective, where we are led to a new understanding of what true health and illness really are. The work provides a new look at depression, anxiety, illness, fear, loneliness, and many conflicts that tear us apart. The book also examines what our real needs are, and how they are usually masked and distorted in our lives.

However, as we base our understanding upon deeper truths, it is natural to attain well-being, fulfillment, and health. Profound insights and ways of healing, have been offered in the scriptures for centuries. When these principles are understood, lived, and turned to regularly, it is startling how quickly and deeply our mental, emotional, and physical suffering turns around.

The book contains a powerful, natural program of healing which shows how easy it is to attain well-being, fulfillment, and health as our lives are based upon authentic truths. The program includes specific guidelines and enjoyable, powerful exercises which we can practice easily in our everyday lives.

Sacred Psychology is for all who wish to help others, professionally and as friends or family members. Different chapters and sections in the book focus upon different aspects of suffering and how they can be naturally healed.

It’s one thing to understand important principles, and another to actually live them and make them real in our lives. The exercises in our program are spread throughout the book. They are simple and enjoyable, yet powerful ways of integrating the material and living it daily.

Some exercises will be perfect for you; others won’t. Do what you can and what feels right. You may feel like doing some later. The very best way of learning is by doing, and then seeing the effects these experiments have in your life, day by day.

“Kabir says, Fantastic!

Don’t let an opportunity

Like this go by.”

WHO IS THE HEALER

(Caregivers Guide to Nourishing and Being Nourished)

“Before you straighten another,

Do a harder thing,

Straighten yourself.”

Healers want to heal. They come along with all kinds of different cures to help and feel as if it is their job to make the patient better. The goal of most of these cures is to offer relief, respite, comfort. Yet fundamentally, most are seeking tranquilization, numbness, and relief. Although the wish to help is valuable, very few stop first and ask the basic question:

What is the real, true illness we’re suffering from? What is the real cause of the dis-ease most suffer from daily?

This question can be considered a Zen koan, an inscrutable question that cannot be answered or figured out logically. Yet, it is urgent that the koan be attended to and answered.

What is this person truly suffering from?

Most of our lives, we play with the branches of trees. Most healers and cures seek to remove symptoms, tranquillize the patient, stop the pain. They attempt to put things back together again the way they were. This, of course, is based upon the assumption that things were fine as they were, or that pain is bad, that it is a message that something has gone awry in the body or mind.

But this is not necessarily true. Pain can be a great teacher, a wakeup call, a way to connect with parts of ourselves and others that we have long overlooked or disowned.

Pain Is Not Bad - Pain Is Simply Pain

(Trying to Avoid Pain Is Part of the Sickness)

There is a difference between pain and suffering. Pain is simply pain. Suffering is what we add to it. Pain cannot be avoided in life. Trying to avoid pain is part of the sickness. The more we are able to experience and accept our pain, the sooner it subsides. We do not need to explain pain away. We cannot figure it out. We can, however, receive it, dialogue with it, allow it to help us grow.

In the simple receiving of pain, it transforms into something quite different. Not only does the pain transform but, more importantly, we do.

Stop Running Away from Painful Moments

If we spend our lives running away from painful moments, we shut out a great deal of what life brings to us, both the painful and the joyful. When we are willing to accept our experience, just as it is, a strange thing happens: It naturally evolves into something else. When we avoid pain or struggle not to feel it, pain turns into suffering. There is an enormous difference between pain and suffering. Pain often cannot be avoided. Suffering can. As we learn the difference between the two, many fears can subside.

Pain Is a Communication System

Pain is a communication system. In our lives, we could not do without it. Pain can be a gift from our inner wisdom, warning us that we are out of balance in ways we never imagined, and that there is a larger direction for our lives we are now out of touch with. It is dangerous to only want to get rid of pain, to disrespect it.

“We eliminate the doctor and medicine by fully accepting the disease”

Henry Miller]

Who Is the Healer?

It is dangerous to think that we are the healers, that we know better than the person who has come to us for help. It is not up to us to inflict our notion of what healing is upon another. And it is also simply a delusion to think that we are the ones who heal.

Let us now explore specific steps for healers, caregivers, therapists, and for those who reach out to others in need. These basic principles apply to all.

Step 1) Get Rid of the Idea That You Can Heal Anyone

The feeling that it is up to us to heal another often becomes a burden, carrying with it a sense that we have failed, no matter how hard we’ve tried. However, no one can ever heal another. No one can even imagine what healing truly means for another person at a certain point in their lives. We do not have anyone else’s answers, and most often we do not even have our own. Only the individual knows deep within what they truly need.

The One Within Who Knows the Way

Deep within each of us there is One Within That Knows the Way. We do great damage to others and to ourselves by disrespecting that fact. We offer great support and courage when, together with the person suffering, we make the acquaintance of and honor The One Within each of us.

Step 2) The Healer Is Always Truly Healing Themselves

A primary role as a healer, therapist, or caregiver is to help create a healing environment, which can facilitate healing for another and help them meet The One Within. Part of creating that healing environment is being fully aware that the healer, therapist, or caregiver is not better, wiser, or stronger than their patient. We never raise ourselves above the patient or make the patient feel weak or inadequate in any way. This itself is very healing, along with the fact that there is no reason for it. In each moment of interaction, the healers are truly healing themselves.

The Patient Is the Healer’s Teacher

In fact, the so-called patient is also the healer’s teacher, showing what it means to heal. If this is forgotten, the very basis for health is dismantled, and power-based ego trips begin, with one person using another to aggrandize themselves. By creating an illusion of dependency and confusion, the healer is causing harm.

BIO: Brenda Shoshanna, Ph.d. award winning author, psychologist, long term Zen practitioner and Interfaith Counselor is the author of many award winning books which bring the principles and practices of East and West together, and offer simple, enjoyable and powerful exercises, which allow the reader to make the teachings real in their everyday lives. This book includes a full program of exercises for all who are caregivers - family, therapists, healers, teachers, and professionals of all kinds. It is now available on amazon and elsewhere online .

We all seek ways of calming down, becoming balanced and feeling a sense of ease. Unfortunately, most of the time the peace we discover is temporary. As soon as a new situation arises, or an unwanted encounter, we are often back in our familiar mode of responding, filled with worry and upset.

Authentic Peace of Mind Is Unshakeable

Authentic peace of mind, however, is unshakeable. No matter what changes appear in our world, we are able to welcome them from a new perspective. Authentic peace of mind is not a series of ideas, but the very heart of who we truly are. When we live from this basis, we can walk on our own two feet freely, and no longer deny our deepest reality or be afraid of it.

The practices and principles of developing authentic peace of mind need to be be practiced in your everyday life. They exist as a path for you to walk on and discover for yourself where your true security lays. A few steps are described below. Try them out, taste them and see what happens next.

Principles of Authentic Faith

A) “To straighten someone, do a harder thing, - first straighten yourself. “

The Buddha

When in contact with others, we try to change them, to make ourselves feel good. However, in this practice, we never attempt to change, or improve others. Instead, it is valuable to look at each person who comes your way, as your teacher. Thye are a gift you are receiving, allowing you to see another aspect of yourself. Let go of your rejection of them, observe all aspects of them and finds ways in which you can serve them.

Those who practice authentic peace of mind, do not assume the role of authority over anyone. Rather than become judge, jury, teacher or wise one, they relate simply as a friend, as themselves, joining the other in their experience. By listening deeply and openly, they give the other honor, and simultaneously, let go of their own negative perspective, which seldom sees the truth of what is right here.

“Who is wise? He who learns from others.”

Pier Ke Avot

B) Judge Everyone Favorably

Individuals absorb the ways in which we perceive them. When we feel hopeless about them, they feel it and tend to respond hopelessly. If, instead, we see their strength and beauty, not only they, but we too, are lifted into another vibration - of hope and strength.

What We Pay Attention To Increases

What we pay attention to increases. The more we focus upon what is powerful and healthy in others, the more we will not only bring good faith into relationships, but experience that in our own lives as well.

The practice of authentic peace of mind teaches us that when we see negativity in others, we must step back and realize this negativity is within ourselves. Do not project it onto them. No matter how great their disarray, each person contains great possibility. If we cannot see this, it is our problem, not theirs.

C) Forget About Dominating Anybody

“He was powerful, not because he dominated the scene, but because he was true.”

Buddha

It’s easy to get trapped into the power game and unwittingly dominate others. Not only does this take true power from us, it destroys our own ability to live with balance and peace. We do not have anyone’s answers or life direction. By allowing others to give us their power, we are taking away their responsibility from them for their own lives, weakening them. This is a very great trap. Don’t fall in it.

D) Train In Your Own Authenticity

As we train in our own authenticity, a true sense of value and meaning appears in our lives. We are humbled many times, and in this process, realize where our own wisdom and strength are coming from.

Strip Away The Lies

Day by day we are given many opportunities to strip away the lies, ego, illusions, masks, the desire for power and feeling we have the absolute truth. As we become more humble and simple we then become fitting vessels for true power and peace of mind to enter our lives.

The practice of developing authentic peace of mind is the practice of become fully present, totally available to ourselves and others. We become able to be with life one hundred per cent, nothing in between and become truly trustworthy.

When you are really trustworthy then you will be trusted. If you have deep faith in others, faith will enter your life. When you relate to others in a way that brings peace, then authentic peace of mind will accompany you in all your ways.

Brenda Shoshanna, Ph.D. is a psychologist, author, long term Zen practitioner, speaker and workshop leader. Her work focuses upon integrating Eastern and Western teachings and making them real in your everyday lives. This article is related to her new book that will be available shortly, SACRED PSYCHOLOGY, (An Invitation To Live). (More about it coming soon. )Contact her at topspeaker@yahoo.com. You Tube, Dr Brenda Shoshanna.

It has been said that we are all like a fish swimming in water, yet we’re dying of thirst. Here we are, right in the water, with all the nourishment we need surrounding us, but we don’t see it. Instead we cry out in thirst. Usually, we think the water is somewhere else and spend our lives suffering.

In our search for nourishment, we leave our home, jump out of the water onto dry land to search. When we cannot find what it is needed, we feel empty and forlorn. How come there’s no nourishment, nobody to take care of us, we wonder.

Why is this illusion so devastating? Because the water is right three, waiting for us and instead we’re searching on dry land, among mirages and fantasies. And when we’re counting on a mirage to provide water, we’re in real trouble. Sadly, that’s how many live their lives, chasing after fantasies of all kinds, while our true home, with all we need, is right here.

Nobody’s to blame for this, it’s the nature of how we’re constructed, beings who love dreams, and fantasies. Perhaps we run to a relationship, a job, or a special identity to find the nourishment and respect we crave. But, ultimately it never satisfies, sooner or later, fades away. First we must see through to the truth of the matter. First we must discover who we are, where our true home is and what is provided there.

Turning Home To The Ocean We Came From

In order to see through the mirages of our lives and turn back to the ocean, we need to know what our true needs are, as opposed to passing desires. It can come as a shock to realize that what will truly fill us up is simple, available and plentiful. What we truly need may not fulfill our fantasies, or build a false sense of ourselves, but it will take care of the hunger we live with. Returning to our natural selves and environment, swimming in the water again, we begin to appreciate and honor our natural lives.

When we can’t get our needs met, then naturally we’re in pain. But before we get our thirst quenched, it is necessary to see an illusion as an illusion. Usually, when we cannot get our needs met, we become disappointed and hopeless, fight and blame others and feel as though we’ve failed again.

But even if you meet the most perfect, beautiful, person, it doesn’t mean they are here to meet all your needs, or that they even can. That’s not how it works. Beginning to see through this, however, is the start of turning to the true road back home.

For instance, we have an illusion that we’re alone, that no one cares about us. We think we probably don’t deserve to get our needs met. That’s a common experience that hurts terribly. But these beliefs are untrue. We’re never alon, cannot be even if we wanted to. We are always with our breath, the sky, spirit. Trees and birds and plants are also with us, as are many others we never even notice.

Instead of living this way, it’s important to take time and ask what do I really need? Is this different from what I imagine? What is it that will be ultimately satisfying?

When we count on the illusions, we’re in trouble. Like an actor in the theater, we can perform different roles, each with its imagined needs. And, when we take a different role, different needs appear. Perhaps in the new role we need to be seen and heard, and in the other role, we needed silence and privacy. The best solution is to forget about playing all different roles and live as we truly are? What is our real need then?

In Zen practice we discover where our true nourishment comes from, how to return to the ocean, to the basis of our lives. We discover what is true nourishing and what will float away. It then can become easier to see that, “Life is like a bubble, a dewdrop, a flash of lightning. It is thus to be regarded.”

The true question becomes how to return to the ocean, to the home we come from. Ultimately we will see that it’s always right here, we have never been separated from it for a moment. In fact, the ocean is always available and waiting for us to jump into.

BIO: Brenda Shoshanna, Ph.d. is an award winning author, speaker, psychologist and long term Zen practitioner. Her work integrates the teachings of East and West and focuses upon how to live the teachings in our everyday lives. Brenda offers talks, workshops and a You Tube channel, Dr Brenda Shoshanna, where she offers, Simple Solutions In A Complex World. You can contact her at topspeaker@yahoo.com. Her You Tube channel is Dr Brenda Shoshanna

A Person Cannot Make You Happy Or Unhappy

Where are you headed in your relationships? What is your destination? Most of the time we have no idea. Our relationships are not based upon anything in particular. We are often just ambling along with no idea of the outcome waiting up ahead. Other times we set out on the journey with all kinds of dreams, fantasies and expectations. What a shock it can be to realize that what we’re hoping for may be a dream only.

Usually, our relationships take place by happenstance. We meet someone and have all kinds of reactions, some of which can be very strong. It’s as though a wind comes blowing out of nowhere and tosses us around. This sudden wind is fueled by the many fantasies, memories and hidden desires that are alive deep within. Sometimes we even think, I’ve finally met person of my dreams who is going to meet all my needs.

The important part of this to attend to is that this is a person of your dreams. As time goes by and we compare our dream image to the person in front of our face, things often fall flat. Our person behaves differently from what we hoped and our needs may still not be fulfilled. But do they have be? Is that a foundation for love?

No One Has to Meet Your Needs

There’s an implicit belief that a person we’re in a relationship with has to meet our needs. Who said so? This demand itself is the cause of so much heartbreak and pain. And it is based upon a false assumption that another person can make you truly happy or fill up the emptiness within.

We often hear someone say that they’re finished with a relationship because it doesn’t meet their needs. We seldom hear anyone say they’re finished with these needs because it doesn’t serve the relationship.

Don’t Turn Your Relationship Into A Transaction

The desire to have someone else meet our needs does damage in so many ways. It turns the relationship into a transaction. Now we are living in the orientation of the marketplace. This way of being closes the door to a deep connection, truly knowing the other and experiencing unconditional love.

Pillar of Love: Another Person Cannot Make You Happy or Unhappy

Fundamentally, another person cannot make you either truly happy or unhappy. When you feel happy and complete in the relationship it is because you are living in accordance with a true law of love. It is the arising of love in you that is making you feel happy and fulfilled.

It Is Our Perspective and Behavior That Truly Brings Joy

When we are feeling upset, lonely or discontented in a relationship, our sorrow is due to living in opposition to the law of love. Our perspective easily becomes distorted as we proceed in opposition to the principles that inevitably bring joy. No matter what happens in the relationship, it is our perspective itself, that will cause either pain or joy.

Magnificent Encounters

Although we may not know where we are going, we create the path of our relationships by the steps we take, day by day. And the foundation is creation by what we dedicate our relationship to. It can be dedicated to having our needs met, or to truly knowing, loving and serving another, to becoming a true friend.

Make Room For A True Meeting To Take Place

A relationship contains enormous possibilities. It can become a sacred place, a sanctuary, a place for growth, love and trust. In the relationship we can learn what becoming a true friend means and discover how to make room for a real meeting to take place. Relationships are true spiritual practice when viewed this way.

Treat Everyone In Your Life as Valued and Hallowed

As we begin to view and treat everyone in our lives as valued, hallowed, and significant just as they are, that is how they will begin to feel. And they will also respond to us differently. There is then no limit to the possibilities of healing, love and well-being for all. Try and see.

“Heaven Is Not Somewhere You Go

It’s Something You Carry Within You.”

Lubavitch Rebbe

Who Is Honored? He/She Who Honors Others

In the Wisdom of the Fathers the question arises, Who Is Honored? And the answer is clear and unfailing. He Who Honors Others. This wonderful guidance breaks into our self-absorption and shows the path to unfailing respect from others, and to self-respect as well.

Practice - Viewing Each Person You Interact With as Someone Worthy of Honor

Now you are aligning yourself with the deepest truth. And the way you view a person will affect the way you behave; the tone of your voice, the look in your eyes. It will also affect the way they respond. What we see in another we bring out in them. Change the lens through which you look and your entire world changes as well.

What We See In Another We Bring Out In Them

Take a moment to see what it is that makes you feel honored.

Then behave that way with the other.

There is so much joy waiting for you when you are ready to receive it. Why not be ready today?

Brenda Shoshanna, Ph.D. is an award winning author, speaker, psychologist and long term Zen practitioner. Her work integrates the teachings of East and West and focuses upon how to live them in our everyday lives. This article is based upon her book The Unshakeable Road To Love (Value Centered Relationships, Relationships). The work includes eternal principles from many teachings, including Zen. They guide us to build our relationships upon a foundation, where happiness and well being are inevitable. And where upset, pain and conflict can dissolve on the spot. The books’ website is

https://www.totalrelationshipsnow.com. Contact Brenda at topspeaker@yahoo.com

“All mankind is one family, one people.”

The family is the most common place for anger to erupt. It is also the place where the seeds of anger are sowed. When we live closely with others, when we are bonded to them, attached, dependent or vulnerable these individuals have the power to deeply affect our minds and hearts. In these relationships our defenses are more permeable, and our expectations greater.

Images Of Family

We have strong images of how our parents, siblings or children “should” behave. We feel we have the right to demand love and attention from them. Parents feel they have the right to loyalty and obedience, just because of their roles, (no matter how they behave). Children often feel the same. There is a common craving for a “happy family”, where everyone loves and cares for each other, and where everyone accepts all of each other’s difficulties. Unfortunately, this craving is often unfulfilled. For the most part the myth of a happy family is usually a dream.

Families are often hotbeds of misunderstandings, resentment, sibling rivalry, jealousy, inappropriate expectations, and lack of acceptance. In fact, families are really fine places to work through a great deal of our issues and learn how to individuate, grow, and accept both others and ourselves.

Clea was in therapy for years complaining bitterly about her mother. She blamed her mother for the fact that she couldn’t keep a boyfriend interested and thought she’d never marry. Clean insisted it was her mother’s fault, because she never gave her a role model of how a woman “should” behave. In truth, the mother was not the culprit here, but the smoldering anger that Clea held onto. It was her anger that held Clea back, along with her profound disappointment about not having the mother of “her dreams”.

We all hold onto an image of how our parents and childhood should be. When this image is not fulfilled, the anger and disappointment can prevent us from growing up and establishing the life that best expresses our values and vision today.

Identity And The Family

A major factor that contributes to anger in families is the tendency each member has to identify with one another. Parents feel that children are a reflection of them. Parents also project their worst fears about themselves onto their children, or want their children to make up for errors and disappointments in their own lives.

Members of families naturally assume that they are all similar, and that the same kind of life or accomplishments will make them happy. This is a huge mistake, which leads to a great deal of pain. It is interesting to notice how little room there is for differences in most families. Most think that a perfect family is one in which everyone is the same, or where parents can provide role models that children wish to grow into.

Individuation - (Becoming Who You Are)

The most vital process that goes on as an individual grows is the process of individuation. This means that as a child develops, (or as married couples live together over the years) they are given the opportunity to discover who they are, to be different from those they love. Some cannot bear this, they experience the individuation of another as betrayal, separation or even rejection. They do not realize that unless family members become who they are, individuate fully, they will not be able to fully love.

We see this most keenly during adolescence when young people are in the process of establishing a sense of self, which may include rebellion against family views and values. And, at this stage of life, and all stages, a great longing the individual has is also being known, heard and accepted for who they are. Ultimately, this is experienced as being loved.

Unfulfilled Needs In The Family

After a certain point of maturity family members enter the larger world and become part of other groups and communities. These new groups are often experienced as new families. Needless to say, many automatically repeat the same patterns they experienced in their original family.

If there were many unfulfilled needs in their original family, they try to get these needs filled now. If there were too many demands made upon them, they begin resisting demands made upon them in their new groups. (Or, they may turn it around and make those demands upon others now). When they enter a romantic relationship, often it becomes a repeat of the relationship they saw between their parents, or a relationship in opposition to it. One way or the other, the original family remains the main reference point.

Conflicts, demands, unfulfilled needs must fundamentally be traced back to its origin and resolved within. Sooner or later, we must make peace with our family, as it was and as it wasn’t. Then we become able to create a life that is refreshing, new, true to ourselves, and healing for all.

Families Of Choice

When we have come to peace with our original family, we are able to “choose” those individuals and relationships, which we value and want in our lives. We can choose friends and create a relationship that reflects who we are now and what we’ve always wanted.

When we recognize the dangers of carrying so many of the patterns of our past, it is easy to start letting go. Unless we do this, and come to peace with our family, it is likely that we will be caught in painful patterns of the past. We will re-experience the rejection, and crave the love and approval, we felt in our families again and again. We may even demand it inappropriately in our present day lives. And, even when we receive it, it will not fill the deep loss we feel from not having received it in childhood.

The only way to resolve that loss is to face where our needs are coming from. One of the greatest gifts you can give both yourself and family members is to begin to process of making peace.

EXERCISE

MAKE PEACE WITH YOUR FAMILY

Step 1: Acknowledgment

A) Become aware of what you wanted from them, and how you wanted them to be.

B) Acknowledge each member of the family for who they were.

C) Allow them to be exactly who they were. Realize that who they were was not a reflection of you.

D) Describe how you were in the family.

E) Allow yourself also to be exactly as you were, no matter what others felt about you.

F) Describe what each family member gave you, and the ways in which they supported your life.

G) Describe what you gave them.

Step 2: Giving Thanks

A) Write a formal thank you letter to each member of the family for

something important you received from him/her.

B) Are there any gifts you may want to give these members? Give one today.

Step 3: Apologize

Once wrongs are righted, we have gone a long way to letting go of anger and feeling good about ourselves. Contrary to popular opinion, we do not need to receive the apologizes of others as much as we need to apologize to feel free and happy and allow ourselves to go forward I life.

A) Rather than dwell upon how they hurt or disappointed you, look and see

if there may be some way you need to apologize to someone for something. If there is, do it. Write a note of apology. Even if the offense took place a long time ago, this will be very healing for you. It will also mean a great deal to them.

B) Find out how you can make it up now. Now, do it. (If you cannot do it with a member of your own family, perhaps you can do this with someone else).

Step 4: Create A New Family (And New Family of Friends)

A) Describe your highest values for how a family can be. What is it you want to experience in a family?

B) Choose friends and create relationships that reflect this now.

BIO: Brenda Shoshanna, Ph.D. is an award winning author, speaker, psychologist and long term Zen practitioner. Her work integrates the teachings of East and West and focuses upon how to live the teachings in our everyday lives. This article is based upon her book The Anger Diet. Brenda offers talks, workshops and a You Tube channel, Dr Brenda Shoshanna, where she offers, Simple Solutions In A Complex World. You can contact her at topspeaker@yahoo.com. Her You Tube channel is Dr Brenda Shoshanna

Why It Happens, What To Do

One of the most difficult experiences many of us have is being hurt or betrayed by a good friend. Although this is such a troubling event, it happens regularly. Afterwards, many find it hard to trust again. Others blame themselves, some seek revenge. This provides a false sense of power, helps them to save face.

The best remedy to being hurt is to truly understand why it is that friends hurt each other, how to respond when it happens and how to prevent it in the first place. Friendships do not have to be lost. We do not have to become embittered. Certainly, we do not have to spend time seeking revenge. When we understand what is needed in friendships and what it really means to be a friend, it is even possible for us to grow from these experiences and become compassionate and strong.

Here are a few guidelines to open the door to real friends.

What It Means To Be A Friend

Many of us are involved in friendships without ever taking time to stop and question what it truly means to be a friend. We expect the other person to always be there for us, to keep our secrets, share our joys and be a source of support at all times. This is where the danger lies. It becomes quite easy to take this person for granted and make assumptions about what this person is feeling and what they truly need and want. We rarely stop and ask them how the friendship is working for them – are they getting what they need from the relationship? Is there something that doesn’t feel quite right? We also rarely stop and ask ourselves the same questions. But this is a cornerstone of building healthy friendships.

It is important to stay aware of what the reality of the relationship is. What are we giving and receiving? What are our expectations? Is a gap growing? Take time to do this on an on-going basis. Unless we tend to our garden regularly, the weeds will strangle the flowers trying to bloom. Some Basic Guidelines of Friendships follow. Apply them to your relationships. See how they prevent heartache and loss.

Guideline 1) Nothing Stays The Same

So many people feel hurt when things start to change. They take it personally, and may even believe they are being rejected or punished. Many times these individuals withdraw, cook up fantasies about why this happening, or try to get back at their friend.

It’s important to realize that in relationships, nothing ever stays the same. People change. Their needs, desires and interests alter. All kinds of events take place in a person’s life. These events have an impact. It can take time to integrate and absorb what happened. During this time, our friend may be less available to us. It does not mean that we are being rejected or are not good enough, it may very well be that our friend is simply involved with their own issues.

1. Guideline 2 Don’t Take It Personally

If a friend is more distant or withdrawn, don’t assume it has to do with you. Reach out and find out what is truly going on. Don’t take it personally. In order to keep a friendship healthy, we have to take time to be mindful of the events and issues going on in both of our lives. Our friend may need time to themselves to deal with issues that have nothing to do with you. It is not a rejection. This is called giving the friend time and space to be on their ow

Guideline 3) Become More Aware of Their Needs

Another major cause of being hurt by our friends is our lack of sensitivity to what they are feeling, and going through (both in their lives and in the relationship). When a person is hurting inside, they often take it out on a person they are close to. Unfortunately, they often project their upset on their friend and then blame them for it.

When one friend hurts another, (whether purposely or not), usually it is because they are hurting themselves. Most of the time there is something inside of them that has not been brought to the surface, recognized and discussed. Instead of reacting back with anger, take a moment to realize your friend is crying out for help.

It is easy to blame our friend for acting badly, but it takes real strength and maturity to stop and become more sensitive, and available to them. When we can do so, the less likely it is that we will feel hurt, and the more likely that we and the relationship will grow.

When we have feelings that are not communicated on an on-going basis, they turn into relationship weeds that clog our feelings and destroy our bond. Friends hurt one another when they feel misunderstood, ignored or not well treated. It is essential to pay attention, to what is going on, communicate your needs, feelings, and fears in a responsible way. For some there is no worse punishment than feeling as if they are not known, or really heard. It can feel to some like they have no worth.

Guideline 4) Responsible Communication

Responsible communication does not “blame” the other person for the way we are feeling. It does not use the other as a place to project all our own upset. When we communicate responsibly, we take responsibility for how we are feeling, say I am feeling this way. We give the other space to truly respond, and truly listen to what they have to say. This is a sure-fire antidote for misunderstandings of all kinds.

So often we allow things to brew in our minds and never check it out with reality. When we communicate responsibly and start checking things out, we may even be surprised at the difference ways we are both perceiving a situation. Seeing that, things often clear up by themselves. There is nothing like reality checking to keep a relationship on track.

Guideline 5) Learn to Listen And To Hear

So many of us listen, but do not hear. Our friend may be talking to us, but we are really listening to the little voice that keeps talking to us within. There is a true art to listening. When you learn this art, you will not only be protected in your friendships, you will also become a true friend. True listening is so healing that when a person is truly listened to, they feel loved.

A true conversation doesn’t consist of just talking and listening, both must truly hear and also acknowledge what the other has said. Much talking and listening is for the purpose of hiding, making an impression or holding onto someone. But when you truly hear a person, they often will be your friend for life.

Really listening means stopping the chatter in your mind as your friend is talking to you. Don’t listen and keep thinking about what you will say in return. Let go of any agenda for what your friend’s response should be. Don’t think of advice to give them, or find ways to prove them wrong and you right. Just listen and see the situation from their point of view. When you can do this, the person really feels “heard”. There is nothing like this kind of listening for healing all kinds of situations.

BIO: Brenda Shoshanna, Ph.d. is an award winning author, speaker, psychologist and long term Zen practitioner. Her work integrates the teachings of East and West and focuses upon how to live the teachings in our everyday lives. Brenda offers talks, workshops and a You Tube channel, Dr Brenda Shoshanna, where she offers, Simple Solutions In A Complex World. You can contact her at topspeaker@yahoo.com. Her You Tube channel is Dr Brenda Shoshanna

“In my mind are thoughts that can hurt or help me. I am

constantly choosing the contents of my mind.”

Dr. Gerald Jampolsky

It is easy to become addicted. Habits provide a sense of certainty, security and stability in our lives. When we depend too much upon a habit for our sense of well-being, it is easy for it to develop into an addiction.

Addiction to anger is one of the most common and lethal addictions, and one most seldom recognized. The anger addict becomes hooked by the false sense of power anger brings. As the addiction grows, it consumes more and more of their lives, producing painful consequences.

The best way to undo an addiction is to look it squarely in the face, see what triggers it, how it functions, the false promises it offers and the huge costs we pay. The next step is to undo the lack of awareness and false thoughts the keeps the addiction alive. As we begin to take charge, we regain power back over our lives.

To begin to dissolve the addiction to anger, we must learn more about it. What function does it serve in our lives? What effect does it have?

Functions of Addictions

When we are in the grip of an addiction many troubling aspects of life are blocked out. The addiction numbs us and blocks out painful feelings and experiences that we may not wish to deal with. It prevents us from seeing and dealing with issues, which need to be attended to. At this point the addiction serves as a defense against anxiety or hopelessness.

An addiction can also provide a sense of identity. Some addicted to anger wonder who would I be without my anger? They view themselves as strong, assertive, or aggressive individuals who cannot be taken advantage of. These individuals have no idea that anger is a false strength, and that it is taking advantage of them, day by day.

When we let go of an addiction to anger, or to any addiction, there may be a sense of helplessness at first. But once we are without the addiction, freedom, well being and all kinds of new possibilities arise. This may be frightening for some. It may seem safer to linger inside of the shell an addiction creates for them.

Effects Of Addiction To Anger

Also, ahen we are angry, we often have a temporary feeling of strength, energy, righteousness, power, authority or control. Much like alcohol, the surge of anger, which takes over, can block out fears, inhibitions and doubts. There is a temporary sense of freedom and empowerment that we normally lack.

The sense of false power which we feel can be a defense against feeling helpless or inadequate. Of course, this power is not real power. Once the anger passes individuals feel weaker and emptier than before. All the while an addiction is running, it can make the individual feel safe and secure. The reality, however, is addictions destroy an individual’s true safety. It blinds them from doing what needs to be done to build a life of true value and stability.

Anger can also block out logical thought processes, making us feel we are absolutely right. Some individuals who have trouble making decisions can make them easily then. hese kinds of decisions rarely provide positive outcomes. Many actions that might seem unacceptable when calm seem perfectly fine when we are angry.

Anger also encourages us to blurt out negative thoughts and feelings we may have been holding in that might have better gone left unsaid. Of course, after the surge of anger passes, it is difficult to take these words back. Even if we apologize the after-effects remain. Although it might have felt good to speak out while angry, a little later on when reality dawns, there is often a sense of regret. In one way or another we have to pay for what we have done.

Below are some exercises which help undo the addiction to anger and regain control over our behavior and thoughts.

Dissolving The Addiction To Anger:

1) List the times in which you feel angry or upset automatically. What person, thoughts, memory or situation brings this up? For now, just notice this and write it down. As you go through the day, if another situation strikes you, step back, notice it, and write it down as well. Rather than reacting blindly, you are now taking time to become aware. Once you become fully aware of the way anger operates in your life it will not be able to sneak up from behind.

2) Find a substitute for the automatic reaction. Instead of reacting the same old way the next time the situation arises, stop, breathe and tell yourself, “I will not be a slave to anger anymore.”

3) Stop and listen to the person and say to yourself, “This time I will let them be right. There’s plenty of time to be right later.” Pause and listen to what they say. See how much better you feel not getting pulled down into anger again.

4) Find a new way of viewing the situation. Instead of seeing the one who angers you as an enemy, tell yourself that their anger is a cry for help. It comes out of pain and conflict within. Instead of going on the attack, say to the person (either in your mind or out loud), “What can I do to serve you?” Not only will this diffuse the anger, but will open new doors for both of you to walk through.

BIO: Brenda Shoshanna, Ph.d. is an award-winning author, speaker, psychologist and long term Zen practitioner. Her work integrates the teachings of East and West and focuses upon how to live the teachings in our everyday lives. This article is based upon her book The Anger Diet, Thirty Days To Stress Free Living.) (New version of the Anger Diet coming out soon.) Brenda offers talks, workshops and a You Tube channel, Dr Brenda Shoshanna, where she offers, Simple Solutions In A Complex World. You can contact her at topspeaker@yahoo.com. Her You Tube channel is Dr Brenda Shoshanna

We all long to step out of confusion we live in, shut down the contradictory messages that assault us and find out what is real. In order to do so, we must become aware of the ways in which we cling to that which is not real - toys, games, costumes, diversions. These are so enjoyable to us because they often provide a sense of belonging and self worth. But this false sense of identity cannot last because it is based upon fantasy, and inevitably confusion re-appears.

But as we let go of that which is unreal, that which is real and meaningful will appear all by itself.

“When we are little we play with toys. When we grow up we want the real thing.”

Kosho Uchiyama Roshi, Zen master

Even the great advice of the Lankavatara Sutra suggests that we begin our to self-recovery by letting go of that which is false. Of course, first we must become aware of what is false in our life. We don’t have to let go of everything at once, one moment at a time.

Zen teaching also tells us,

“Don’t look for what is real. Just let go of all that is unreal, and that which is real will come all by itself.”

What is real is right here, waiting for us. We must simply allow it in.

Steps On The Journey

In order to begin the journey it is important to notice how much time we spend each day escaping that which would truly make us happy. So often we jump into activities because they are habitual or expected of us, without stopping and considering what is truly important. This drains the meaning from our lives, takes the joy out of our day.

It is easy to make choices that harm us, and forget about that which brings well being. Fear tells us it is dangerous to live differently, or to honor that which brings meaning to our lives. The real danger, however, is not discovering or living from our own truth.

“When you live truly, you will see truly.”

How many of us even know what it means to live truly, or what it is that our heart treasures? How many have numbed ourselves so much that we’ve blocked it out? We feel that the highest good is to be there for others. But in order to truly be there for another, we must first learn how to really be there for ourselves.

Restoring the Self

“We are constantly invited to be who we are.”

Henry David Thoreau

There are many recovery groups these days: groups for alcohol issues, drug abuse, relationship abuse, eating disorders, addictions of all kinds. How about for recovery of the Self? Addictions and obsessions are fueled by hunger for our authentic self and the emptiness of life without it. Once the self is recovered, equilibrium is established, and everything else falls into place.

Living authentically requires dedication and standing up against the tide.

Mulla Nasrudin stood up in the marketplace and started to address the throng.

“Oh people! Do you want knowledge without difficulties, truth without falsehood, attainment without effort, progress without sacrifice?”

A large crowd gathered shouting: “Yes, yes!”

“Excellent!” said Nasrudin. “You may rely upon me to tell you all about it if I ever discover any such thing.” —Indries Shah

What Is True For You?

In order to know what is true for us, it’s important to realize when we are living someone else’s dream. We must take time to become aware of what feels out of sync with who we are. So many of us spend our lives trying to conform to other people’s expectations. However, these expectations can cause pain, distortion, and lack of self-acceptance.

See what is natural, easy, and enjoyable for you; what actually brings enthusiasm about being alive. Can you say Yes to that? Then take another moment to see what is not natural, easy, or enjoyable, what causes conflict, difficulty, confusion, and distress. Now can you say No?

You Can’t Say Yes if You Can’t Say No

This statement is a great medicine. So much fear arises because we are unable to say No. This No does not come from resistance, but from understanding and accepting what is true for you and what is false. This No is a sign of respect for yourself, recognition that do not have to be all things to all people.

Many of us feel guilty and ashamed of not going along. We feel that if we don’t meet everyone’s needs, we’ve failed them. Some of us imagine that we should be able to belong everywhere, respond to every calling. But this scatters our forces and causes confusion. By living in this manner, we lose touch with what is true and real for us.

Don’t Reject Yourself

If you can’t say No, you are rejecting yourself. And, if you can’t say No, your Yes is not a real Yes. It is an automatic response, which arises out of the wish to be accepted. This is not a Yes offered from the fullness of our being. When we can say Yes or No in an unconditional, wholehearted manner, fear has nowhere to take hold.

“Sometimes we receive the power to say Yes to life, then peace enters us and make us whole.”

—Ralph Waldo Emerson

We Are Granted Dominion in Our Lives

Our life is a precious gift to us and to the world. No person, thought, emotion is granted dominion over us. We have ultimate power to choose what we will give energy to, the direction in which we will go.

BIO: Brenda Shoshanna, Ph.D. is an award winning author, speaker, psychologist and long term Zen practitioner. Her work integrates the teachings of East and West and focuses upon how to live the teachings in our everyday lives. Brenda offers talks, workshops and a You Tube channel, where she offers, Simple Solutions In A Complex World. You can contact her at topspeaker@yahoo.com. Her You Tube channel is Dr Brenda Shoshanna

Passover is a few days away, a wonderful time to take a fresh look at the experience of escape from bondage, from different points of view. The Haggadah is the scripture for the Passover service at the Seder, and it describes what happened in the past, and the events and activities we can do to honor that experience now. We are called to remember and integrate our escape from bondage, remember how we were freed, what was needed. As the years go by we are called to deepen our understanding of this journey and what we can learn from it now. And, as the years go by we become able, also, to look at it from different points of view.

Who Are The Four Sons?

In the Haggadah, four sons are described, (four different ways of seeing and handling the situation). One is the wise son, who learns everything, studies, obeys, follows direction. He does all that’s required of him. That is why he’s considered wise, or good. The next son is called the wicked son, because he says, “What do these teachings mean to you?” By saying mean to you, he’s excluding himself from the community, separating himself from The One. One of the basic teachings of Judaism is do not separate yourself from the community. We need to be there for one another, to serve. Taking care of is fundamental to Judaism. It’s a big mistake to isolate yourself, not care for others. I wouldn’t call this wicked, but perhaps very lonely and confused.

The Simple Son

Let’s go now to the third son, the simple son. To me, he’s very much like a Zen man, looking at reality out of different eyes. Why is this son simple? Because he doesn’t go along with everything that’s told him, has a question about all that he sees. The simple son asks, “What is this?” He wants to know for himself.

What Is This?

Actually, What is this? is a famous Zen koan. It’s fascinating to see the way in which all of the practices intersect. When the simple son says, “What is this?” he might even be considered simple minded. From my perspective, this doesn’t mean that he is unknowing, but looks at life differently. Each moment is worth exploration to him, seeing it through fresh eyes. He’s willing to take the time, and meet his experience directly. To say hello.

Of course, all of these sons live within all of us. They are all part of us and we all reflect each of them at times. And now we come to the fourth son, who is he? He’s the one who doesn’t even know how to ask a question. Actually, to me, he’s the wisest of all. I see him at the top of the mountain with no need to ask anything, filled with faith. He has no doubt or skepticism, is just here to worship life as it appears. Some may consider him to be at the lowest rung, but I disagree. He has no questions, no conflict, each moment is precious to him.

The Son Who Doesn’t Even Know How To Ask A Question

Deep down the fourth son and simple son are very similar. But the simple son is engaged in a query, What is this? He’s absorbed in a koan. When we talk about the simple son, we’re really talking about Zen. The simple son is direct, must see for himself, not able to be manipulated. He’s not tossed around by appearances, but asks, “What is this?” Basically, he’s looking for fundamental truth.

All the characters in the Passover story are reflections of different aspects of ourselves and our experience. In the Passover story, we see the Pharoah as a tyrant, dominating, closed hearted, refusing to allow freedom. He must be obeyed, not the call of God. He’s also a magician involved in wanting to control the world to his liking, hooked into the world of appearances.

Crossing The Red Sea

The Red Sea which must be crossed, seems to be a place of danger. It’s natural to think that if we step in, we’ll drown. We are stepping into the unknown. But when one steps in with total faith and connection to the call of God, not only does the sea open, but we pass through easily. Our sense of bondage and limitation dissolves. When we stop listening to the Pharaohs in our lives, the tyrants and magicians, our illusions dissolve as well. The journey through the Red Sea is really about the dissolution of fear and illusion, as we harken to the voice and truth of the divine.

Let’s return to the simple son. By not buying into prefabricated answers and solutions, he can’t be led astray or dominated by the many Pharaohs that appear in our lives. The simple son can’t be tossed and turned around. He is digging deep into his own inner wisdom, asking a radical question, What is this? All moments are vital to answering that question.

Answering that, he becomes free. The illusions and decrees of Pharaoh oppose the call of the divine. Pharoah tries to be smarter than God, thinks he knows better. That’s why the simple son is so important, questioning what this is truly? Is it real? When distractions are removed, the world of appearances becomes less important, more flimsy, certainly not something to depend upon. It becomes easier to see that it’s our mind acting as Pharaoh, that tries to dominate both us and the world, causing plagues of all kinds. When we see that clearly, it’s much easier to step away from that which binds us and walk freely into the Unknown.

We see that everything happens as it must. Our need to control the world subsides. We do not have to be a slave to life or stay stuck in painful patterns. I’d like to share a few simple practices which can help put our life in this new context.

In the midst of our endless racing to get something, remember, there is no one to dominate, no need to win, the precious jewel is right here. I am just where I belong. This is the end of the road. Right here all will be revealed, breath by breath.

Otherwise, we are a slave to the next moment, always wondering what will happen next, grabbing at this or that. Letting go like this, is not hard, either. We just become simple, stop opposing anything, forget about losing and winning. We just take whatever comes and taste it fully. And offer thanks deeply. That’s the life of the simple son. That’s also the life of the son who doesn’t know how to ask a question.

Others may consider him a failure, but I see him as full of life. He’s not caught in conflict, control or ripping things apart. Instead, he’s busy living each moment, and relishing it exactly as it comes. What a beautiful time of freedom and restoration an attitude like that brings. As we live that way we are passing through the Red Sea, rising up from apparent bondage and limitation to being more alive than ever, being fully who we are.

BIO: Brenda Shoshanna, Ph.d. is an award-winning author, speaker, psychologist and long term Zen practitioner. Her work integrates the teachings of East and West and focuses upon how to live the teachings in our everyday lives. This article is connected to her book Jewish Dharma (A Guide To The Practice of Judaism and Zen. Brenda offers talks, workshops and a You Tube channel, Dr Brenda Shoshanna, where she offers, Simple Solutions In A Complex World. You can contact her at topspeaker@yahoo.com. Her You Tube channel is Dr Brenda Shoshanna

The Oak Tree In The Front Garden is a well-known, koan in Zen practice. A koan is a question that cannot be answered logically or rationally. But once we absorb the koan, sit with it, welcome it, it leads us to an entirely new experience of life. Koans come to us from many sources, especially from our lives. The whole point of a koan is not to get caught.

Year after year our koans shift, as our experience of life alters. But the Oak Tree in the garden stays as it is.

Here is the Koan; A monk once asked Master Joshu, what is the meaning of the Patriarchs coming from the West? Master Joshu simply replied, The Oak Tree In The Front Garden. Nothing more was said. Boom!

Don’t Get Caught

The monk seemed to be asking about a historical event, the Patriarchs coming from the West. But don’t get caught. The koan is truly asking what is the meaning of our life? What are we doing here? Why do we go from here to there, then finally find our home?

Joshu’s answer stopped the monk cold. It was saying don’t get trapped in explanations. Joshu’s answer stops our wandering mind and points us to what is alive right here, in front of us now.

This reminds me of question a friend asked in the early days of practice, as I sat in the zendo on the cushion, not moving.

She said, “What’s wrong with you sitting on the cushion looking at the wall when it’s such a sunny day outside. People are dancing, parades are happening, why are you sitting here looking at a blank wall? Are you depressed?”

I said, “No, everything I need to see is right here. This is wonderful.

She looked at me oddly and said, “Tell me, what’s wrong?”

But, at that time, I could only tell her what was right.

We Just Have To Do It

In the beginning of practice, we don’t really know why we’re sitting, but some of us just have to. We have to return to the zen cushion again and again. And, as we do so, it returns to us. Even though it looks like nothing is happening, so much is happening. Often we don’t see it for a long time, but actually, our whole world is opening. And, more and more, year after year, we don’t get caught in the endless parades that wind around.

What Is The Purpose of What’s Going On, The True Meaning?

It is said that when we grasp the essence of a koan, there’s no more past and future, living in memories or constantly fearing what’s going to happen. That’s all over. The koan of the Oak Tree in the garden is like a thief, taking our misperceptions away. Rather than constantly try to figure everything out and find a meaning, instead we turn to life itself to guide us.

The true response to the koan is simply to become the Oak Tree.

The Oak Tree Is What It Is

As this koan states, we are always looking for the meaning, the purpose of what’s going on? Rinzai, another great Zen Master warns us though, if you have a meaning, you cannot save even yourself. He is warning us that searching for the meaning, separates us from the experience of this moment itself.

The oak tree is what it is. It nurtures everyone and everything, just by being what it is. It doesn’t have to even try, everything happens naturally. When autumn comes, the leaves fall and the Oak Tree accepts that. The Tree is not less beautiful because its leaves fell. When the snowstorms come and a branch gets cut off, that’s also okay. Another branch may grow later on, But for us these changes are unbearable. Not for the Oak Tree, though.

The Oak Tree Is Planted

The Oak Tree is planted in the earth, in itself, in a deeper place of life. It is rooted and receives all of the nourishment it needs. And, as it receives nourishment, it also gives it naturally.

Actually, we already are the Oak Tree, we are already who we are. That’s the real and deeper truth. We’re planted, beautiful, giving our light all the time and receiving nourishment as well, though we are not aware of it. And we suffer due to this lack of this awareness. When change comes, we grieve and try to fix it. But nothing need be done. Just be with the change, experience it, taste it. And the next experience will arise. When we fight life and fight what’s happening, we truly fight ourselves.

No Need To Compare

The Oak Tree doesn’t compare itself to another oak tree. Which one’s taller, or better? So what if it doesn’t have seventeen thousand leaves. It has four leaves. Those four leaves are beautiful. Living like that, so much suffering melts away from our lives.

Also, the Oak Tree doesn’t worry all day if it has fulfilled its purpose. It’s not feeling I’m not the right kind of Oak Tree, or I didn’t do a good enough job. It is this endless commentary that causes so much pain. In Zen we call it the Unsatisfied and Unsatisfiable mind. Nothing is good enough for it. Nothing works.

Become Yourself, Just Like The Oak Tree

Become yourself, just like the oak tree. When you do so you will be completely satisfied because you are here now, fully alive. You will feel the wind, receive what comes, return to your experience each moment. If it’s a bad day, it just is. Rather than hating or complaining about it, when you totally embody your life there is great contentment.

We can even watch the Oak Tree allow the natural course of events to do what it does, and accept it. Truly, the only suffering comes from the suffering mind.

Zen practice teaches us to be really planted with whatever comes, just let it come and go. Just be the Oak Tree, be planted in the earth and in your everyday experience.

“When we return to the root we gain the meaning, when we cling to branches we lose the substance.”

Whatever happens, return to the root. Our life itself is a great koan, and whatever is happening is our great teacher We are the answer we seek, and we receive it by actually living the life given to us, embodying each moment.

Look through the eyes of the Oak Tree, and look through your eyes at the Oak Tree. Listen to it. Listen to the song that the Oak Tree sings. Also, listen to the song your friend is singing in the middle of a fight. Listen without wanting to change anything. It is such a gift to offer that kind of listening to someone, such an act of love. When we feel really listened to, then our branches can sprout and blossom, just like that.

What’s needed is so simple and nourishing. Finally, we realize that we are just a branch on the Oak Tree, along with being the Oak Tree itself. And that the singing of the wind in the branches answers all our koans.

BIO; Brenda Shoshanna, Ph.D. is an author, speaker, psychologist and long term Zen practitioner. Her work integrates the teachings of East and West and focuses upon how to live the teachings in our everyday lives. Her new book, Sacred Psychology (An Invitation to Live) will be available shortly. Brenda offers talks, workshops and a You Tube channel, Dr Brenda Shoshanna. You can contact her at topspeaker@yahoo.com

Today, we are a nation bathed in fear as many of our basic anchors have been taken away. The world seems to be turning upside down.

But Crisis Means Opportunity

However, the Chinese ideogram for crisis means opportunity. When our sense of security is taken away and we don’t know where to turn next—this is a time filled with surprising possibilities for growth, discovery, and fulfillment. We are being forced to re-evaluate our lives and ask, “What can I really count on? Where does my true security lie? What do I really need in order to live a fulfilling life?” When things go well, we may overlook these questions. During a time of crisis, however, we are forced to grapple with them every day.

Clarity Gives Power Over Fear

It is of the utmost importance to stop for a moment and gain clarity and therefore power over fear. If we listen to the false messages fear brings us, it is easy to become overwhelmed. In fact, the real danger we are faced with today, our real enemy, is the fear we carry within.

As we understand what fear truly is and why it arises, we can become stronger than fear and release it from our lives. Then we become able to get in touch with the resources within that allow us to handle whatever comes along.

What Is Fear?

It has been said that there are only two emotions: love and fear. For some, paradoxically, love is frightening, while fear feels safe. Many depend on fear, thinking it protects them. At the same time, we are taught that love can be dangerous, make us vulnerable. This is the work of fear, creating confusion.

Fear thrives on lies. It weakens the immune system, destroys our sense of confidence, takes us off track, and makes us prey to those who wish to control or attack us in various ways.

Fear often takes over automatically with panic attacks, compulsions, obsessions, etc. Oddly enough, fear also arises in love relationships when things are going well, and we may fear change. Let’s begin the process of ways of unravelling fear now.

Discovering The Truth About Fear

A) Fear Is A Bully

It is one thing to have an intellectual understanding of what is harmful; it is something else to know how to actually get rid of fear in our life. But contrary to popular belief, it is not at all difficult to do! It simply takes a willingness to take new steps and to look with new eyes.

The truth is that fear is a bully: But, when we turn around and face it head-on, it becomes powerless. Then it’s easy to see that the very thing that once seemed so terrifying is simply made of dust and dreams.

Ways of Dissolving Fear

Some ways of dissolving fear include letting go of the need to control and be controlled by others, which creates tension of kinds. Instead, turn your attentiion within, feel the feeling of fear and dialogue with it. See what the fear truly wants of you, and as you do this, it will be natural and easy to let the feeling go. This process needs to be done again and again, make it part of your daily life, easy and natural. Before much greater strength and focus will be there.

B) The Power of Love

Another wonderful antidote for fear is the power of real love. This does not refer to attachment, and dependency, but the ability to respect others and yourself, and rather than getting caught in fear to offer instead deeds of love.

Deeds of Love

There are feelings of love, and deeds of love. Deeds of love include truly listening to the other, refraining from condemnation, offering forgiveness, the ability to accept the person and stop trying to change them. (This does not imply staying in a toxic situation, it is simply addressing your perception of others that causes the fear you feel). It’s important, as so many times we are caught in fear, not even realizing what’s going on.

One day an earthquake shook an entire Zen temple. The ground beneath it began to shake, the building collapsed, and the monks were terrified. As the world seemed to be falling apart, the Zen master calmly led everyone to the kitchen, the strongest part of the temple.

When the earthquake subsided, the master said, “Now you have had the opportunity to see how a Zen man behaves in a crisis. I did not panic. I was aware of what was happening and what to do. Taking you to the kitchen was a good decision, as we have all survived without any injuries.

“However, despite my composure, I did feel a bit tense, which you may have noticed from the fact that I drank a large glass of water, something I never ordinarily do.”

One of the monks smiled, but didn’t say anything.

“Why are you smiling?” the teacher asked.

“That wasn’t water,” the monk replied, “it was a large glass of soy sauce.”

No matter who we are, when an earthquake hits, we all feel fear. It comes upon us in different ways, affecting our bodies, minds, and hearts. It can be experienced as an emotion, an increased heartbeat, a sense of dread and impending doom. Then there are the times when, like the Zen Master, we are not even aware of our fear and begin acting oddly, unable to tell the difference between a glass of water and a glass of soy sauce.

Being stung by fear fills us with poison, immobilizes our senses, and blocks our understanding of how to act. Therefore, recognizing and releasing fear is a practice that needs to be done daily. The more we do it, the easier it becomes and the less threatened we feel. Once fear dissolves, spontaneous knowledge arises of what to do arise.

When we allow fear to grow and constantly dwell on negativity, it’s as if we are inviting it into our life. Instead, let’s become familiar with fear’s camouflages and the way it infiltrates into all aspects of our lives.

Fear Is A Trickster

Fear is a trickster that manifests in all kinds of ways - as obsession, confusion, loss of control, or other kinds of dysfunction. It can be triggered by anything—ideas, beliefs, memories, and unconscious thoughts and all kinds of messages we receive from morning to night.

Fear Thrives On Our Belief In It

Realize that if we don’t believe the message or trust the person telling giving us the message, fear will not appear. It is not the news we hear but the way we react to it—the fear we feel—that immobilizes.

When we are in the grip of fear, we can be easily manipulated and controlled. Sometimes fear mongers do this consciously. Other times not. But no matter what situation confronts us turn to the process of releasing fear, which will restore sanity and peace of mind.

When a Message We receive is Filled With Fear, Stop and Reject It Immediately.

Even if we think the message might be true, reject it because we do not have the full use of our faculties when we are in the grip of fear. Wait until the fear has vanished to decide if it is true. When we reject the message, our fear will subside and our thoughts will become clearer. There is plenty of time later on to determine if the message is true. (Most of the time it isn’t.)

Fear needs us to believe the stories, ideas, beliefs, catastrophic expectations, it’s feeding us. Instead of believing in the power of fear, why not believe in the power of truth?

BIO: Brenda Shoshanna, is a psychologist, award winning author, speaker, playwright and workshop leader. Her work focuses upon integrating the teachings and practices of East and West and making them real in our everyday lives. This article is based upon her book, Fearless (Seven Principles of Peace of Mind). You can find her on You Tube DrBrendaShoshanna.