two completely opposite things can be true at the same time. and that mindf*ck is basically the whole experience.

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i was becoming someone new.

people love saying, “you’re thriving.”

and i always kind of laugh.

because from the outside...

it probably looks that way.

the workouts, the body.

the recipes.

the cute baby pics.

the farmers market.

the mornings with hot coffee.

the little routines i’ve built for romeo and me.

it looks peaceful now.

what people don’t see is that every single one of those routines was built while i was in survival mode.

not after.

during.

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ok if i had to sum up my week at the hoffman institute in one sentence: we had a funeral for our parents, beat the absolute hell out of some pillows with baseball bats, and cried more in seven days than i probably had in seven years.

kidding-ish. here’s what actually happened.

how i even got here

it started over dinner. a friend brought up hoffman. a program that helps you become aware of and detach from the negative patterns you’ve been carrying since childhood, emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually, all of it. i’d been on the waitlist for a year and completely forgot about it. he wouldn’t tell me much, didn’t want to spoil it, but he told me to go. and then he offered to cover the cost. i legit said “are you serious?” his conviction became my courage that night.

next day i called. one spot left for the following month. i took it without thinking twice. I WAS SO GRATEFUL TO THAT MAN WHO GOT ME THERE.

day one: no phone, no name, no idea what i signed up for

no laptop, no charger, no cute outfits. just the essentials and an open mind. i landed in san francisco, drove an hour and a half to the middle of nowhere, and got assigned to what they jokingly called the “doom room.” called my family one last time before surrendering my phone into a basket labeled “belongings.” no exercise allowed either, which for someone who lives at the gym? terrifying.

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k so sundays are for resting AND for prepping so the week doesn’t eat me alive. i’ve been trying to actually make this a habit and not just a “sunday scaries meal prep marathon that i do once and never again” thing. i cook like two things, i put them in containers - one less decision to make every single day this week. that’s it. that’s the whole hack.

this weekend actually kind of sent me. friday i got a babysitter and went out with a friend to LAUGH and it genuinely made my whole entire weekend, like i forgot how good it feels to just be a person out in the world for a night. then saturday romeo’s dad took him for the evening and i had the house to myself, and i actually didn’t mind being alone for once. like i sat with it and it felt good instead of quiet in a bad way. growth, i guess.

then sunday my parents came over and we all went to the beach, and watching romeo do firsts with his grandparents hit different - it’s one less lonely thing, having them here for it. ro ro was OBSESSED. after that i ran to the store and came back and meal prepped while my parents hung out with romeo in the living room, and i’m not exaggerating when i say cooking with family around is a completely different experience than cooking alone. if i’m being fully honest, i think i meal prepped this week mostly just because i wanted the company. lol. but that’s kind of the whole point isn’t it - the habit sticks easier when it’s wrapped up in something that actually fills you up.

ok but real talk, the repetition is genuinely the whole point and i will die on this hill. i eat the SAME handful of things on rotation and i truly think that’s why i don’t spiral about food. when it’s just “what’s for lunch” instead of “what SHOULD i eat,” there’s nothing to overthink, no debate, no decision fatigue. it just becomes a habit instead of a decision, and habits don’t require willpower the same way decisions do. that’s the whole philosophy behind this list so here’s what’s in my kitchen this week.

beef, sweet potato & pea bites for Romeo & I

these are a freezer stash staple and i will be making them on rotation- protein + veg + carb in one bite.

ingredients

• 1 lb ground beef

• 1 cup cooked sweet potato, mashed

• ½ cup peas, cooked and lightly mashed

• 1 egg

• ¼ cup breadcrumbs or oat flour

• 2 tbsp finely grated parmesan (optional but highly recommend)

• ½ tsp garlic powder

• ½ tsp onion powder

• 1 tbsp olive oil

how to make them

1. preheat oven to 375°F

2. mix everything together in a bowl

3. roll into bites, place on a lined baking sheet

4. bake for about 15–18 minutes

5. let cool, freeze a batch - future you is going to be SO thankful

pair with avocado, greek yogurt for dipping, pasta, rice, or whatever veggies are dying in your fridge rn.

big-batch banana oat pancakes (and my muffins that live in my kitchen 24/7)

i have posted this recipe a genuinely unhinged number of times because i make it CONSTANTLY. it’s stopped even being a recipe at this point, it’s just what i do.

pancake version for Romeo

• 3 very ripe bananas

• 4 eggs

• 1 cup full-fat cottage cheese

• 1½ cups oat flour

• ½ cup whole milk (or greek yogurt), plus a splash more if it needs it

• 1 tsp cinnamon

• 1 tsp vanilla

• 1½ tsp baking powder

• optional: ½–1 cup blueberries, chopped or smashed

blend or mash it all together, cook like normal pancakes on a griddle. easy. done. no thoughts. I store them in my freezer and grab as needed every morning for my son.

muffin version (my most repeated recipe of all time)

• 3 bananas

• ¾ cup coconut yogurt (i use the greek yogurt kind for the extra protein, obviously)

• 2 eggs

• 1 scoop protein powder

• ¼ cup maple syrup

• 1 tsp baking soda

• 2 tsp baking powder

• salt, cinnamon, vanilla

• 2 cups oat flour

mix it, pour into a muffin tin, bake at 350°F for 18–20 minutes. that’s it, that’s the muffin.

that’s my week. nothing fancy. just the same food on repeat so my brain gets to think about literally anything else. if you make either of these pls tag me i NEED to see it.

see you next sunday 🤍

BB

some days felt impossibly hard.

not because of you.

never because of you.

they were hard because i chose the harder road. i chose to become your mom.

nobody really preps mothers for what happens after a baby’s born.

everyone tells you how much you’ll pour into your kid.

nobody tells you how badly a mother needs someone pouring into her too. especially in those first months, when you're running on empty and there's no chest to curl into, no arms to melt into, no one to remind you that you're still allowed to be loved too.

there were days i was exhausted before the sun even came up. days i questioned A LOT.

and then...

you’d wake up.

you’d look at me.

you’d smile.

and somehow, every single time, that was enough to make me try again.

you have no idea how many days your smile saved me. genuinely no idea. you never knew. you just smiled because i was your mom, and that was reason enough for you.

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not like a commune. not like a bit. i mean actually - me and my girlfriends, in one big beautiful house, kids running around, all of us tag-teaming bedtime and snacks and breakdowns, splitting the mental load instead of each of us drowning in it alone behind our own front d…

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truthfully? yes and no.

I have a structured schedule. I get my cardio in by pushing a stroller, and my strength training happens during one of Romeo’s 90-minute nap windows. he has two a day, so I fit it into one. thank god for sleep training.

but it’s realistic. and realistic is what you actually stick to.

I move six days a week, sometimes seven. five of those are strength sessions, because moving makes me GOOD. the other days I’ll take a class if I have a sitter or get outside for a hike. everything’s structured enough now that I rarely miss a workout.

my favorite cardio isn’t on a machine at all. three or four times a week I’m outside. sometimes an hour walking the neighborhood pushing 30 pounds of baby plus the dog, sometimes runyon canyon. sun on my face, a podcast in my ears, pushing uphill with romeo in front of me. it’s cardio. it’s strength. it’s also, somehow, therapy.

I know I should probably get actual therapy 🦋, talk to somebody about everything. but moving my body genuinely helps. once I’m a little more financially stable I’ll actually get therapy, because I think it is so needed for everybody.

but the schedule isn’t the point. coming back is the point. every single week.

every workout I post right now is free while I am growing my platform.

I post everything to YouTube because I wanted to remove every excuse. no gym membership. no equipment. no time because you’re working or you’ve got a baby to stay home with. none of it holds up. all you need is some dumbbells and your living room floor, nap time or after work.

This week:

• Monday — Lower Body:

• Tuesday — Upper Body:

• Wednesday — Full Body HIIT:

• Thursday — Outdoor Cardio + Abs:

• Friday — Lower Body:

please come sweat with me. and if you do, tell me how you liked it. comment, like, subscribe - the interactions genuinely help me and keep me going.

also-your dream body doesn’t come from one perfect workout. it comes from staying consistent, pushing through the days you don’t want to. most days i try not to think about it too hard. earphones in, good playlist, let it run for a few minutes. that’s usually enough to get me pumped to start.

it’s the stroller instead of the couch. the hike you almost skipped. the 30 minutes you found anyway.

motherhood didn’t teach me to be more disciplined. it taught me to build a routine that fits the life i actually have.

that’s the only kind of routine you’ll still be doing a year from now. <3

what i eat in a day as a mom slowly finding her way out of survival mode

i eat when i’m hungry. when my stomach can actually handle everything life’s been throwing at me. stress has this annoying way of straight up rewiring your appetite. some days i’m starving. other days, co-parenting and everything that comes with it leaves my stomach in knots and food is the last thing on my mind.

i’m getting better though. learning that taking care of myself in the food department matters just as much as it does in the gym. they’re the same thing, honestly.

so this isn’t a “perfect” day of eating. it’s just an honest one.

people keep commenting that i look tiny. some of that’s the gym. a lot of it wasn’t healthy. it was stress. it was carrying the mental load of raising a baby mostly alone, navigating co-parenting, wondering how i was gonna rebuild my career, create financial stability. and somehow still show up every single day with a smile for my son.

there were days my nervous system burned more calories than my workouts ever could. that’s just what surviving looks like sometimes.

today is starting to feel different though. not because life got easier, but because i’m finally creating a life that feels safe enough to take care of myself too, not just my strength. i’ve started making myself my favorite meals again. and honestly it’s kind of great now. whatever i make for romeo is so healthy i just make myself a plate too.

6:00 a.m.

romeo wakes up. before i even think about breakfast he’s getting his bottle, his breakfast, a diaper change, and about a thousand kisses. my needs almost always come second.

coffee

i finally make my coffee. it’s become one of my favorite rituals. not because i need the caffeine (although yes, obviously). but because for five minutes i get to feel that bliss.

breakfast

one of my banana muffins i meal prep every week, because they’re easy, filling, and i know i’ll actually eat them. recipe if you want it:

3 smashed bananas, 3/4 cup coconut yogurt, 1/4 cup maple syrup, 1 scoop protein powder, 2 eggs, 2 teaspoons baking powder, 1 teaspoon baking soda, cinnamon, a pinch of salt, 2 cups oat flour. bake 18 min at 350.

perfect for busy mornings, taste just as good the next day. or freeze them.

but if i’m being fully honest, half the time i’m eating romeo’s leftovers too. his breakfast is usually pancakes or cottage cheese mixed with eggs, some fruit, and avocado, and i’m constantly stealing bites while i feed him. i don’t really sit down to this cute little breakfast i made. i’m standing at the counter making sure he eats first, sneaking bites in between.

every mom reading this knows exactly what i mean.

lunch

usually simple. chicken or steak, a japanese sweet potato, sometimes a vegetable if i’m feeling ambitious. sometimes its a chicken apple sausage, cottage cheese and a sweet potato.

and if romeo doesn’t finish his lunch, there’s a very good chance it’s becoming part of mine too. i’m officially the family leftover finisher.

dinner

the meal i try to be most intentional about. i make mine while i’m making romeo’s so we’re actually eating together like little old people at 5:00pm.

one of my favorite dinners lately: chicken schnitzel with my go-to salad. cucumber, tomato, avocado. or most nights it’s some version of chicken or turkey patties with that same salad. simple meals, good ingredients, nothing complicated.

snacks

not gonna pretend this is elite nutrition. snacks are whatever i can grab quickly. i almost always have an aloha protein bar in my bag. or a chomps stick. or epic brand salmon jerky. nothing fancy. just enough to keep me upright between everything else.

workout

always a 60 minute session, 5 or 6 days a week, and i get to do this because my baby naps for 90 minutes, twice a day.

the gym used to be about changing my body. now it’s about reminding myself i’m strong enough to carry this life i’m building.

the runyon thing

so the other day i took romeo up runyon. this woman stops me mid-hike, looks at me, looks at the stroller, and goes “no way did you just push out a baby, how are you so tiny???” she thought i was the nanny lol.

i told her, honestly, i didn’t set out to get this tiny. it’s not the goal. it’s survival. but somewhere along the way i found my actual strength in pushing that stroller up a hill every single day. that’s genuinely where i’ve found my happiness again. not the compliment. the process.

and okay real talk, a psa while i’m here: it does feel good when people say you look good. not gonna pretend it doesn’t. but please don’t comment on someone’s body too much, even when it’s meant as a compliment. you never know what someone’s actually going through to get there. you never know what “tiny” is covering up for somebody.

what survival actually looked like

people imagine survival mode as crying every day. mine looked different. it looked like functioning. showing up. making homemade meals for my son. cleaning the house. posting workouts. trying to reach brands. moving into a new apartment. smiling in pictures. while quietly wondering if anyone noticed i was drowning.

i wasn’t eating enough. i wasn’t taking care of myself mentally. i was carrying a mental load so heavy my body eventually started reflecting it.

and somehow, i still fell more in love with my son every single day.

slowly coming back to life

i’m not completely out of survival mode, not even close. i’ve had to make peace with the fact that choosing my son came with a hard circumstance attached. choosing someone to raise a baby with that i knew, somewhere in me, i wasn’t meant to build a life with. figuring that out while pregnant, then living it out after. that’s its own kind of grief.

not because i want him. I just so badly wish i’d chosen someone else to do this with.someone loving and soft and present and selfless.

i try not to wake up wondering how i’m gonna make it through the day anymore. i wake up wondering how i can make today a little softer. a little healthier. a little more present - for the love of my life, romeo. <3

bb.x

if you let it.

not because your baby’s out here demanding it.

because you love them so much that you start giving away pieces of yourself without even clocking it’s happening.

at first it’s obvious.

you stop sleeping.

you’re eating standing up over the sink, or straight up not eating at all.

your coffee’s cold before you even get to it.

you forget what day it is.

but then it gets sneaky.

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my parents have been here helping me move and i genuinely don’t know how i would’ve survived this week without them. the new place is starting to feel like mine. boxes are disappearing. i can walk through the living room feeling peace.

but the thing that actually broke my brain a little was going grocery shopping alone.

no stroller. no snack negotiations. no baby while i try to read a nutrition label. just me and a cart and my own thoughts for like 45 minutes. i missed romeo the entire time obviously, but also. i forgot what it felt like to move through the world at my own pace.

that’s kind of where my head’s at today. not “self care sunday,” just noticing that peace isn’t a mood for me anymore, it’s a byproduct of prep. it’s the stuff i do on a random tuesday that makes me feel like a person and not just a task list with a heartbeat.

so today looks like:

• grocery run (alone,)

• meal prepping romeo’s food for the week

• actually cooking myself a real dinner

• washing bottles

• resetting the house so it doesn’t feel like a moving truck exploded in it

• being in bed early instead of doomscrolling at 1am like a crazy person

none of it is cute. none of it is going on a vision board. but i already know monday me is going to be so grateful for sunday me.

here’s what’s actually in the fridge this week —

romeo’s food: creamy chicken + veggie orzo

this is my go-to when i want to use ground chicken but i’m too tired to shape meatballs or patties. it’s basically a warm hug in a bowl.

ingredients

• 1 lb ground chicken

• 1 zucchini, grated

• 1 cup frozen peas

• 1 clove garlic, minced

• 1 tbsp avocado oil

• ¾ cup orzo (or any tiny pasta)

• 2 tbsp greek yogurt

• parmesan cheese

directions

1. cook the orzo according to the package.

2. sauté the garlic in avocado oil.

3. add the ground chicken, cook until done.

4. stir in the zucchini and peas until soft.

5. mix in the orzo.

6. stir in the greek yogurt and a little parmesan until it goes creamy.

fridge for 3-4 days, or freeze it in portions for a future exhausted version of you.

my dinner: hot honey ground chicken sweet potato bowls

protein, carbs, a little heat, a little sweet. exactly what i want after a day of being everyone’s mom.

ingredients

• ground chicken

• japanese sweet potatoes

• cucumber

• goat cheese

• greek yogurt

• garlic

• avocado oil

• sesame seeds

• hot honey (or honey + chili flakes if that’s what’s in your pantry)

directions

1. roast the cubed sweet potatoes at 425°f until they caramelize.

2. brown the ground chicken with garlic, salt, pepper, paprika, onion powder, and a pinch of chili.

3. whisk greek yogurt with garlic and lemon, or a splash of vinegar.

4. layer it all: sweet potatoes, chicken, cucumber, goat cheese, yogurt sauce, sesame seeds, hot honey drizzle on top.

high protein, meal-prep friendly, tastes way fancier than the five minutes it took.

the grocery list

protein: ground chicken, eggs, Meat (already pounded) for snitzel, protein bars & salmon jerk

produce: lemons, yellow onion, baby spinach, avocados, fresh parsley, fresh basil, bell peppers, bananas, cucumber, carrots, zucchinI, frozen broccoli, peas, garlic, cucumbers, blueberries for pancakes, japanese sweet potato

pantry: orzo, hot honey, onion powder, smoked paprika, chili flakes, dijon mustard,oat flour, maple syrup, chickpea pasta, ezekiel bread, breadcrumbs, black beans, sesame seeds, green beans, crackers

Romeo’s Baby Foods

* Once Upon a Farm pouches

* Jovial White Cheddar Mac & Cheese

* Gluten-Free Animal shaped Pasta

* Simek Kids Mini Beef Meatballs (frozen)

* Dr. Praeger’s Broccoli Littles (frozen)

extras: hummus, rice cakes

that’s it. that’s the whole plan. i hope your sunday is slow, your fridge is full, and monday shows up a little softer than usual.

romeo would go to bed, i’d clean up the kitchen, shut the lights off, and the silence would just hit me.

another night alone.

another dinner alone, or honestly just standing at the counter eating leftovers straight out of the container so it didn't officially count as a whole "dinner for one" moment. sometimes not even eating at all lol

another night scrolling, wondering what my future was even gonna look like.

i used to think that was the sad part.

but lately? i’m starting to think i had it all wrong.

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this season has been a lot, and help showed up in a way i genuinely could not have done on my own. we got a sleep consultant. and that’s something i will always be grateful for. doing this on zero sleep, was not going to be sustainable long term. it wasn’t just a gift to romeo. it was a gift to me too.

enter davis

i had ZERO idea what sleep training actually meant. but if it meant i could sleep through the night again? say less. count me in.

davis came in and just... took over. and honestly? that felt so good. it was this full-body “ok yes. here’s my baby. help.” moment. she got romeo down for his last sleep of the night on the first day. he fussed for a bit, took him some time to settle, but he actually fell asleep. and stayed asleep.

the next few days were just him figuring out and adjusting to this new schedule. it was frustrating for him. not painful, not scary, just frustrating. and that distinction matters SO much. it’s usually harder for the parent hearing their baby cry and not immediately swooping in to soothe them than it is for the baby. we’re the ones spiraling, not them. lol

and ngl, before davis came in i had no idea what i was doing. romeo was running the ENTIRE show and i didn’t even clock it. he’d cry, i’d pick him up. paci in, bottle in, every single time, no questions asked. i genuinely thought that was just what being a good mom looked like.

and don’t even get me started - i was asking chatGPT for help, like it was my personal parenting guru. big mistake. it had me on some WILD schedules, lol. but that thing was sending me in the complete wrong direction and i just followed along because i had no idea what i was doing.

turns out - no-no on all of it. i needed the reconditioning just as much as romeo did, if not more.

what’s actually happening in his brain

here’s the part that changed everything for me: sleep training isn’t punishment or “correction.” it’s connection … just a new kind. it’s literally about building new neural pathways so his brain learns to expect and accept healthy habits that line up with his age-appropriate circadian rhythms. it’s science, not cruelty. I promise.

once his brain “got it” -once it clicked that he could soothe himself - it got easy from there. we’re basically giving our baby an age-appropriate responsibility: learning how to fall asleep on his own, and back to sleep on his own if he wakes up. that skill belongs to him now. only him.

and he is THRIVING. like genuinely obsessed with his sleep now. he loves his crib, he loves his routine.

that’s really what most of the crying is about - reconditioning, not distress. davis taught me to sit still and give him space. he was going to scream. and that was ok. it wasn’t forever. it got better every single day.

the hardest stage for most babies is learning to cross sleep cycles - that’s the true final stage of sleep development, and it just takes time. it really does suck in the moment, not gonna lie. but if you follow the rules, his brain will get there.

honestly? the hardest part isn’t even for the baby. it’s for us. sticking to the rules and keeping track of the clock is the real challenge for the adults in the room. sleep is SO important, and the small amount of processing he has to do short term is worth the lifelong benefit on the other side.

a peek at our schedule

i can’t give away all of davis’s methods. that’s literally her job and she’s incredible at it, so go follow her and connect with her directly. but here’s an example of what our daily rhythm looked like at 4–8 months:

morning

• make the bottle before going into his room

• do not go in before 6:00 am (if he sleeps past 6, great)

• wake window: 80 minutes from wake time

• in crib by 90 minutes from wake

nap 1

• 90 minutes, non-negotiable

midday

• 2nd meal 3.5–4 hours after first feed

• solids first, then bottle

• wake window: 85–90 minutes

nap 2

• 90 minutes

afternoon

• feed if it’s been 3.5–4 hours since the last bottle

• stretch the wake window as long as he can comfortably go

• latest he can ever go down for sleep: 4:00 pm

• wake no later than 4:45 pm

• if he hits 4 hours without eating, wake and feed

• always be home by 4:45 pm

evening routine

• start 40 minutes before projected bedtime

• order: solids → bath → bottle → bed

bedtime rules

• last nap ends before 3:50 pm → 5:00 pm bedtime

• last nap ends between 3:50–4:45 pm → bedtime is 70 minutes after wake

• absolute latest wake from nap: 4:45 pm

our schedule now (8 months+)

things shift as they grow, so here’s what our current looks like now that he’s 10 months:

• wake: 6:00 am - we never wake him, if he sleeps longer, great

• feed: solids + 8 oz bottle

• nap 1: 8:00 am -in crib for 90 minutes minimum, awake or not

• 10:00 am: feed solids + bottle, then playtime until 12:30 pm

• nap 2: 12:30 pm - same 90 minute rule, he usually wakes around 1:30–2:00 pm

• feed: solids + bottle

• playtime until about 5:25 pm

• dinner around 5:25 pm

• bath, then bottle at 5:55 pm

• bedtime: 6:00 pm

davis, the person

can we also talk about davis for a sec, not just as a sleep consultant but as a human. she was in my home for 3 days straight helping us through this, and by the end of it we were genuinely close. like actually bonded. she told me i’m “one of hers now” and honestly? I'm grateful.

she’s SO positive. so full of love. exactly the kind of energy you want in your corner while you’re learning how to give your baby the best possible head start with healthy sleep habits. it’s not just a service, it’s a relationship, and i walked away from those 3 days with more than just a schedule. i walked away with someone in my life.

the takeaway

sleep is SO important. it touches literally everything. his mood, his development, his ability to regulate. the short-term discomfort of learning is worth the lifelong benefit, hands down.

if you’re in it right now, running on no sleep, wondering if it’s even worth it. it is. it gets better every single day. i promise.

go give davis a follow on instagram if you wanna learn more or connect with her directly. she’s on IG: 3daysleepsolution by Davis Ehrler

BB

but today my body wanted something different, so romeo and i went on a hike instead, and i didn’t feel one ounce of guilt for skipping the rest. if my body’s asking to move, i move. if it’s asking to rest, i rest. that’s the whole point.

if i can’t see my friends in person, i’m calling them instead. sundays aren’t complete without at least hearing their voices.

i love hitting the farmers market and then the grocery store so my fridge is actually full for the week.

sometimes we head to my family’s house so romeo can run around with his cousins. not every week, but when we do, it’s everything.

i’m really intentional with my sundays. i’m picky about who i spend them with, on purpose. it’s one of my favorite days, and i protect it like one.

it’s not about walking into monday as some upgraded version of myself. it’s about showing up for the woman who’s already here, doing the work, every single day.

the one raising her son.

the one figuring out her life apart from being a mom.

the one who keeps trying even when it’s hard.

today’s reset, in no particular order:

☁️ windows open, fresh air in

☁️ sheets stripped and washed

☁️ grocery list

☁️ meals prepped so future me isn’t scrambling

☁️ was gonna take a rest day but a hike with my baby is what my mind and body actually craved

☁️ romeo + fresh air, non-negotiable

☁️ an hour with my phone somewhere else entirely

☁️ gratitude for this life, even the slow parts of it

something i keep coming back to - i don’t always need to do the most to feel accomplished, or like a good mom.

i just want to build a home that feels calm and peaceful.

a body that feels capable of doing anything i want.

a mind that feels settled.

so before monday comes for you too:

kitchen clean. food prepped. walk taken. laundry folded. water drank.

you’re not starting over this week.

you’re just making a little more room to land softly in the life you’re already in.

another hot mom sunday reset, in the books 🤍

i’m moving this week and i couldn’t be more excited.

there’s something really special about creating a home that supports the life you’re trying to build. this move isn’t about starting over. it’s about making life a little easier and a lot more intentional. I am going to have a beautiful place, a gym, a pool… life is about to feel really good here with my baby boy.

romeo’s meal - soft turkey & veggie mini patties (10 months+)

• ½ lb ground turkey (or chicken)

• 1 small zucchini, finely grated and squeezed dry

• ¼ cup finely grated carrot

• 2 tbsp oats, blended into a fine flour

• 1 egg

• pinch of garlic powder (no salt, no added seasoning blends)

• 1 tbsp plain full-fat greek yogurt (keeps it soft and moist)

mix everything together and form into small, finger-sized patties or soft nuggets -easy for little hands to hold. bake at 375°F for 15 min, flipping halfway, until just cooked through and soft. serve with mashed avocado, soft-steamed sweet potato sticks, or a few soft-cooked peas on the side.

my breakfast - lemon blueberry protein baked oats

• 2 ripe bananas

• 2 eggs

• 1½ cups oat flour

• 1 scoop vanilla protein powder

• ½ cup greek yogurt

• 1 tsp baking powder

• 1 tsp vanilla

• zest of 1 lemon

• ¾ cup blueberries

350°F, 25-30 min. lemon bar energy, breakfast disguise.

lunch — hot girl greek chicken bowls

• grilled chicken

• lemon rice

• cucumber, tomato, red onion

• feta + tzatziki

• fresh dill

• olive oil + lemon

dinner - creamy ground turkey tuscan pasta

• lean ground turkey

• chickpea pasta

• spinach, sun-dried tomatoes, garlic

• cottage cheese blended w/ parmesan

• splash of pasta water

• basil

sounds fancy, takes 20 min, reheats perfectly.

b.x

let me take you through it.

the waiting game

for most of the pregnancy, romeo grew exactly how he was meant to. there were a couple of stretches where his growth slowed a little and i leaned on my doctors to keep a close eye on him, and by the end he was completely on track.

then came the fun part: everyone had an opinion about when i should be induced. my doctor said the 8th. family had thoughts. friends had thoughts. everyone meant well. i could feel the love in it. but i finally just sat down with my doctor and my family and we landed on september 16th together. my date. my decision.

i actually love that i remember the morning so clearly, because everything after it turns into a blur. i woke up with my mom, showered, got ready, gave my dog buster a million kisses goodbye, and headed to the hospital at 9am. induction didn’t actually start until noon. hurry up and wait. the theme of the whole day.

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people always assume working for someone famous is glamorous.

the truth? most of it looked a lot like taking care of another human being.

making sure the fridge was full.

making sure the house was ready before he walked in.

knowing exactly how he liked things without him ever having to ask.

being there... without really being there.

the first thing matthew ever told me was that he wanted me to be invisible.

not invisible in a sad way. invisible in the way that everything around him just... worked. groceries magically appeared. coffee was always stocked. the house felt calm. his work life ran smoothly. the less he had to think about the small stuff, the more headspace he had for everything else.

i took that job more seriously than i’ve ever taken anything, honestly. it was my first assistant job. i had zero idea what i was doing. i just acted like i did, and figured the rest out in real time.

london (and everywhere else, honestly)

a few months in, he got a job in london. i’d never even left the country before that. i remember thinking, are you sure you want ME for this? i was terrified. i said yes anyway.

somehow i found us a place to live, got it furnished, stocked every cabinet, learned an entire city from scratch, organized his whole schedule, figured out who everyone in his world was, literally ran through the streets on foot to beat traffic and get him what he needed on time, and made sure that when he walked through the door, it actually felt like home.

and london wasn’t a one-off. i did this same thing over and over- new york, toronto, and about six other places around LA. new city, new apartment, same job: make it feel like home before he even walked through the door.

how i ended up living there

funny enough, becoming his live-in assistant wasn’t really my idea, it was his. fun fact: he had a genuinely serious batman collection, loved batman more than most grown men should, so when he asked me to move in, he had a shirt made for me that said “alfred” on it as a joke. because i was basically his live-in butler now. he was clowning, obviously, and he honestly never treated me like one. but i did go out and buy one of those hoverboards to zoom around the house delivering things to him like i was some kind of live-in room service. i had way too much fun with that thing.

he also knew the gym was basically my entire personality, and he knew i genuinely needed to be there for my own sanity - so when he asked me to move in, it wasn’t purely about convenience for him, though, it really was so much easier having me there. he was always so sweet about the whole arrangement too, and even let my boyfriend at the time become part of the “family.”

he also told me he’d meet me a quarter of the way - he’d let me be his personal trainer too. i took that seriously. we moved a few times over the years, and at the last place we lived together, i went out and bought an entire garage’s worth of workout equipment just so we could actually start training. he gave it a genuine try, a few times, before realizing his love for nesquik outranked his love for cardio. the training sessions didn’t exactly stick, but the gym still became my sanctuary. the one hour that was fully mine, even while i spent every other hour on call taking care of him.

who he actually was

matthew wasn’t high maintenance. he liked what he liked, he was a creature of habit through and through. i spent years genuinely years trying to get him to eat healthier. he’d just laugh and still ask for his hamburger. so every day i’d go get the hamburger, heat it exactly how he liked it, and we’d laugh about my failed attempt at changing his mind for the millionth time.

here’s the thing people don’t expect: celebrities are supposed to be demanding, right? he wasn’t. he always said please. he always said thank you. he noticed the little things, and that mattered more than people realize.

i also always tried to get him to quit smoking -for him, and honestly, a little selfishly for me too, since i was a live-in assistant and did not sign up to breathe secondhand smoke 24/7. i’d leave sunflower seeds and lollipops by his bed constantly, hoping something, anything, would replace the habit. i even booked him sessions with kerry gaynor for hypnosis, shoutout to him for trying.

becoming family

over the years, our whole team turned into its own little family. movie nights were his favorite. breathwork sessions. conversations that started about work and somehow ended up being about life. i even kept everyone’s favorite candy stocked in the butler’s pantry, because the little things became my love language without me even trying.

somewhere along the way, “invisibly there” stopped being the assignment. he actually wanted me around. not tucked away making things run - just there, in the room, part of it. and honestly, that shift meant more to me than any part of the job description ever did. it stopped feeling like work and started feeling like family.

he gave advice the way only someone who’s lived a genuinely full life can. he watched me go through my breakup up close, and one time - after i made yet another questionable decision over a guy - he sat me down and actually tried to talk some real sense into me. i probably rolled my eyes at the time, the way you do at that age. now i think about that conversation more than he’ll ever know.

he also saw me through processing my dad’s death. he never rushed that, never tried to fix it or move me past it faster than i was ready for. he just gave me the space to fall apart and heal at my own pace, which, looking back, was its own kind of quiet support.

what actually stuck with me

working for matthew taught me something i still carry every single day: success doesn’t automatically create peace. money doesn’t guarantee happiness. fame doesn’t erase loneliness. the things we spend our whole lives chasing aren’t always the things we’re actually searching for.

but kindness? kindness always matters. saying thank you matters. making people feel seen matters. showing up for the people around you matters. that part never changes, no matter how big or small your life looks from the outside.

i'll never forget one specific example. when we wrapped up in london, we went straight to toronto for work, no break in between. he could tell i was a little homesick, missing LA after months away. so on one of our long filming days, while he was sitting in hair and makeup, he just casually turns to me and goes, "briana, you're getting a bonus when we get back to LA. do you want $5,000, or would you rather i gift you a trip to cabo - you can stay at my house with your friends, your boyfriend, your family, everything paid for. chef, jet skis, the whole shebang." i legitimately said, "excuse me, what?" and he just said, "yes, you've done a great job for me, you deserve it." so after 5 months of being away, i went straight from LA to cabo. so, so sweet of him.

years later, now that i’m a mom, i catch myself doing the exact same kind of work. different house. different human. same heart. making sure someone has what they need before they even know they need it. building a home that feels safe. remembering the little things. loving someone through the most ordinary, unglamorous moments - because that’s actually where all the real love lives.

matthew probably never fully knew how much of my life he shaped in those 7+ years i worked beside him. but he did. he helped launch my career - i’ve been around the world because of him, and worked for so many other talented people since. i learned so much and def got better at my job.

our story didn’t end the way i would’ve written it, and there are parts of that i’ll always keep close and just for me. but even the bittersweet parts don’t undo what those years gave me.

and that’s the funny thing about people - sometimes the biggest lessons they leave you with have nothing to do with why the rest of the world knows their name. they have everything to do with the way they made you feel while you were just quietly living life together.

b.x

b.x

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somewhere along the way I tried to stop introducing myself as a single mom. i just became romeo’s mom. and somehow that turned into the thing about me i love the most

people ask me what it’s like. honestly? depends what time you catch me.

during the day? i love it. i genuinely cannot wait for him to wake up. i already have his food plated up like he’s a little king before he’s even opened his eyes. i’ve got our whole day mapped out - something that’s gonna make us both feel good. sometimes that’s hiking up runyon canyon, pushing him and buster the whole way up, then rushing home to make sure he naps, making lunch after. sometimes it’s just a trip to the store, which is somehow one of my favorite parts of the week, feeding him snacks straight out of my hand while we walk the aisles.

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Then I got pregnant.

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A couple weeks before we met, I had just gotten home from the Hoffman Process.

If you know, you know.

If you don’t… imagine spending a week ripping apart every belief you’ve ever had about yourself, your childhood, your relationships, your fears… all of it. Then slowly putting yourself back together.

It wrecked me in the best way.

For the first time in my life, I actually understood myself.

I loved her.

Not because I thought I was perfect, but because I finally had compassion for myself and others in my life. I was genuinely happy on my own. Not looking for someone to complete me. Not desperately trying to find a relationship. Just saying FUCK YES to life. Meeting new people. Being independent. Laughing more.

It was almost like the universe cracked something open in me. More than anything though… I wanted a family. Because for the first time, I felt ready to build one.

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