The Scene

In this episode, Ted is facing change on more than one front.

His wife, Michelle, tells him that she no longer feels the way she once did for him. At the same time, Ted is trying to lead a team that is not working the way it should.

During a critical match, Ted makes a bold decision and benches Jamie Tartt right before halftime.

Then, in the locker room, Ted tells the team the truth:

“Fellas, we’re broken. We need to change.”

He reminds them that change can be scary, but it can also be good.

“Most of the time, change is a good thing.”

Sometimes change is what allows everyone to move forward.

Of course, Ted is talking about football.

But he is also talking about Michelle.

And he is talking about himself.

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The Scene

Jamie Tartt is young, talented, arrogant, and impossible to ignore.

Roy Kent is older, seasoned, respected, and deeply annoyed by Jamie.

Their tension is obvious, and it is beginning to divide the team. Roy sees Jamie as a selfish prima donna, and Jamie seems more than happy to live up to the title.

One night at dinner, Ted asks Roy what he was like when he was a 23-year-old phenom in the league.

Roy answers honestly:

“I was a little bitch prima donna.”

Ted does not shame him. He simply offers him a piece of wisdom:

“You know how they say youth is wasted on the young? Well, I say don’t let the wisdom of age be wasted on you.”

It is a reminder that growing older does not automatically make us wise.

We have to choose to use what life has taught us.

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The Scene

Ted is having dinner with Trent Crimm, a reporter who has come to Richmond to write a story about him.

Trent is skeptical. He does not quite understand Ted, his methods, or why a man with no soccer experience has been put in charge of a Premier League team.

During their conversation, Ted tells Trent that he is not ultimately concerned with wins and losses.

He says:

“For me, success is not about the wins and losses.”

What matters most to Ted is helping the fellas on the team become the best versions of themselves, both on and off the pitch.

For Ted, coaching is not just about performance.

It is about formation.

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The Scene

Sam Obisanya is young, far from home, and struggling to find his place at Richmond.

He is only 19 years old, from Nigeria, and clearly homesick. He is surrounded by teammates, but that does not mean he feels like he belongs.

Ted notices.

So instead of ignoring it or telling Sam to toughen up, Ted helps the team throw him a birthday celebration. They give him a bag of chin chin, a snack from Nigeria, as a way of reminding him that he is seen, known, and wanted there.

Sam looks at the gift and says:

“This is from Nigeria.”

It is not a grand gesture.

It is a personal one.

And sometimes, that is exactly what makes someone feel at home.

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Nathan Shelley is the kit man for AFC Richmond. He works behind the scenes, mostly unnoticed, doing the quiet work that keeps the team moving.

When Ted first meets him, he does something simple but powerful.

He asks him his name.

Nathan is caught off guard and says:

“No one ever asks me that.”

Then he tells Ted his name is Nate.

The next day, Ted sees him again and calls him by name.

“Nate!”

Nate is surprised.

“You remembered my name.”

It is a small moment, but it tells us so much about who Ted is. He sees people who are used to being overlooked.

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In 2020, the same year I was diagnosed with ALS, Apple TV released the first of three seasons of Ted Lasso.

Though it’s not a show for every family, it certainly was for us. We piled into the family room on a weekly basis to see what Ted, Beard, Keeley, Rebecca, Roy, Jamie, Sam, Higgins, and the rest of the crew had to teach us.

And if my kids were ever going to curse correctly, there would be no better teacher than Roy Fucking Kent. And it worked. By age eleven, my daughter knew how to use “fuck” in perfect context, with amazing and appropriate inflection.

Ted and his friends showed up week after week to demonstrate true humanity as they navigated the highs and lows of life.

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Presence sounds simple.

Just breathe. Pay attention. Come back to what is right in front of you.

But simple does not always mean easy.

I can be with someone I love and still find my mind drifting toward tomorrow. I can be drinking coffee and already planning what comes next. I can be surrounded by beauty and miss it because worry has taken over the room inside me.

That is the thing about presence. It asks more of us than our physical location.

In the chapter On Presence, I write about space and place. Our bodies can only occupy one space in one place at a time. The question is whether the rest of us shows up too.

ALS has made this lesson impossible for me to ignore. I cannot run ahead. I cannot rush from one thing to the next. I cannot escape my body the way I once could. I have had to learn to live inside the moment I am actually in. Not perfectly. Just honestly.

This month, we’re practicing returning to the present.

We’ll notice where our minds wander.

We’ll listen to what our bodies are telling us.

We’ll pay attention to ordinary beauty.

And we’ll practice being fully where we are.

Because life is not waiting for us somewhere else.

It is happening here.

The Last Word is Love.

— Brian

love.

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Conflict doesn’t usually start with the big thing.
It starts with a tone.
A look.
A sharp word we didn’t mean to sharpen.
A defensiveness that shows up before we even realize we’re afraid.

Words are powerful. They don’t just communicate, they shape reality. They can build bridges or burn them down. And most of us have done both.

ALS has slowed my life down in a lot of ways. But one of the unexpected gifts has been this: I’ve had to become more intentional. I don’t have energy to waste on communication that escalates. I don’t want to spend my limited time and breath wounding the people I love.

So this month, we’re practicing communication with intention.

We’ll become mindful of our words—especially in tension.
We’ll notice harmful patterns like defensiveness, sarcasm, and blame.
We’ll practice listening more than we speak.
And we’ll learn to say what’s true from the heart—without swinging it like a weapon.

Not because conflict disappears.
But because love can show up inside it.

The Last Word is Love.

— Brian

love.

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