My brain loves to put things into a sequence, so I felt this cool relief when I saw it outlined this way.

The order definitely resonated with me. Mostly, I find myself somewhere in those last stages, with little blips of panic and fear still showing up. But I would say that from 2020 to 2023, I was only above that center line.

But something really struck me when I saw those two circles.

One full circle.

The other just turned to the side.

Representing “protective denial.”

Something about that hit me, because denial didn’t feel like lying to myself.

It felt like looking at something from the only angle my brain could handle.

That sideways circle feels so familiar.

Even the proportions. Like just that much of me had this “knowing,” but the rest was blurry, blank, far away, out of reach.

trigger warning CSA, please read when you feel resourced <3

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(You can download the beta free here)

It’s had me thinking a lot about the highs and lows of building your own project.

For someone impatient who tends to overthink, the R&D phase was pretty freaking hard at times. Years of uncertainty, lack of clear direction, dead ends, no money coming in, and fear that it might not even work for others. It was really NO JOKE.

There are still no guarantees, but things do feel like they are turning a corner and giving me some noticeable relief. Seeing the work resonate is making it all feel worth it.

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I thought I would share 15 questions I’ve asked myself along the way, along with answers and random journal pages. These questions helped guide me, when it felt like there was no real map. Feel free to use them as journal or drawing prompts :)

Ps. before we go into those, I recently opened up a few 1:1 Art & Imagination Guided Sessions in August if you’re interested!

1. What topics bring you to life? Put a smile on your face?

_________________________________________________

Somatics. Consciousness. Myths and Symbols. Abstraction. Art. Healing. Colors. Documentaries. Flowers. Cooking.

2. What gives you energy instead of draining you?

_________________________________________________

Open space, flexibility, clear direction. Playful flow state. Collaboration with other artists. Being quiet. Alone time. Feeling seen and understood.

3. Do you feel worthy of your dreams? Can you hold them?

_________________________________________________

Most days I do. This process has taught me a lot about my strengths and weaknesses and where to focus my energy. I do believe we are all worthy of living a life we love and getting to use our special unique gifts. Holding them is easier when I slow down.

4. Are you afraid of being seen? Can you learn to care less about what people think and keep following that inner nudge?

_________________________________________________

Yeah I do have insecurities and fears about being seen still. Sometimes I don’t feel confident in how I express myself, I feel like I may not be taken seriously because I communicate better visually. I can be hard on myself on how I look, or how I will be perceived. I worry about saying the wrong thing. I overthink about whether something I’m doing online is dumb or annoying or bragging etc. I try to remember it doesn’t really matter but I still get stuck.

5. Are you tied to your path being a certain way, with a certain person, specific outcome…or are you open to things changing for even better?

_________________________________________________

I do get really attached, but I am realizing I’m not really in control of the outcome. That can feel both frustrating and fun. Learning to let go more and more. Finding inner safety was key for me, or else control is my go-to.

Read the next 10…

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Last week I shared the personal story behind Do the Dots in this IG post. I had no idea so many people would connect with it. It’s been SUCH a joyful surprise.

It feels so special, and genuinely fun, to be in this part of the process. Reading your stories, your messages, your experiences. I'm really trying to soak this in because I don't want to skip over this part.

If you don’t know, Do the Dots is a 90-second color practice for emotional support. It’s a simple way to help you feel your feelings and find a little relief. The gentle back-and-forth movement gives your brain and body a chance to process emotions in real time.

It’s helped me so much with anxiety and overwhelm, and I’d love to share it with you. I’m waiting for my app to be approved in the app store, but I have 10,000 beta codes to pass out…

If you want to try out the beta app for free on your phone, it’s 2 quick steps:

• First you download the app Test Flight (blue icon with white propeller) and accept the terms.

• Then click this link and it should open up (ps iphone only right now) https://testflight.apple.com/join/6KDPMZwZ

and make sure you’re subscribed for when the app launches soon!

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I think what I love most right now are all the messages from moms looking for a tool to help their anxious, ADHD, or neurodivergent kids.

As a sensitive, big feeler myself, I could have seriously used something like this. It’s so touching to imagine them doing the dots together before bed.

I’m smiling thinking about kids finding comfort in these colored orbs like I have. Finding the inner friends they need. Discovering that support is everywhere. That it’s already inside their bodies and imaginations.

Kids seem to be naturally in touch with this. Maybe our job isn’t to teach it, but to help them hold onto it while we slowly remember it ourselves.

Imagination is not just a silly, childish thing we happen to have access to. It’s one of our biological resources. Gifts!

Creativity, color, play…they aren’t just for making art. They’re ways we can help our nervous systems process, explore, reconnect, and make sense of our inner world.

The process is what changes us. Even 90 seconds is something!

Permission to drop the pressure, baby. We can make ugly art. Follow colored dots with our eyes. Draw like six-year-olds. Splatter paint. Let loose.

We can start to come alive again. It's like a switch flips, and suddenly the magic doorway back to ourselves appears.

For years, Do the Dots has been a concept swirling around in my head. Colored dots, morphing and changing inside me. Helping me along the way.

It’s been like communicating with all the different parts and ages of myself. Listening to what they have to say. Witnessing them, slowly and consistently. Learning what they need. Their fears. Their dreams. The times they felt alone. The parts of life they love and appreciate.

For a while, this looked like diving into deep, murky waters of somatic memories. I wanted all the answers.

Now I’ve realized how safe and surprisingly effective this tiny 90-second container can be. Bit by bit instead of an overwhelming waterfall.

Take my word for it... it can feel fascinating and tempting to want every answer right now. I definitely did. But slower, smaller steps can take you just as far when you keep showing up.

I’ve learned that my chest finds it hard to trust anyone and feels a relentless urge to warn and protect me of what could go wrong. A low hum of constant threat. Wound up, tight and usually a dark brown color.

I’ve learned that my knees are so chill and love to be right here in this moment, enjoying the rainy day with Hillie on the couch with my coffee. Nowhere to be. They’re comfortable in their body, satisfied, at ease, protected. Bluish green.

My right hand almost always feels excited, like all her dreams are about to come true. She’s a vibrant purple or yellow.

She wants to dream BIG. Imagine. Play. Enjoy every part of it. She’s innocent, unbothered, and wildly optimistic. It’s pretty sweet.

She’s most likely the one who led the charge on the Dots app. She loveeees computers, technology, and feeling useful. She’s creative and I love her!

My shoulders feel so torn. They’re so used to feeling the heavy sensation of pulling down, lurking doom. The freeze, the stay right here on the couch feeling. They’re tired, low energy, full of shame and need help but don’t know how to ask. Stuck. Black or red.

Right now they feel like little pricks in a dense black rubbery material that’s dusty and unpleasant to be with. They don't think they can handle life very well. It’s safer to be small. Safer to be powerless. They live in this foggy distant place, mostly on the right side of my body.

But my shoulders have a counterpart. A wild, adventurous, FREE character.

Like a yellow bird soaring through the sky with sparkling feathers. Ready to explore. Ready to learn. Ready to try. Ready for magic. The shoulders pull up and back, there’s more space inside.

I could go on and on with the characters and colors and different parts i’ve interacted with inside.

Together we’ve formed this little inner team. Everyone is heard. Nothing is too weird, or off limits. They all get a chance to share. They’re all offered support and kindness (either through the second dot or by me and my imagination).

They feel the acceptance, they appreciate the curiosity. This allows them to loosen the reigns, to trust me more.

So what does this mean in daily life? For me, it’s been less anxiety, more balance, more flexibility, a wider perspective, less tension, less spiraling.

Life feels more like a relief. But when it doesn’t, because it will always come with that too, I can handle it better now.

When one of them feels afraid, I know exactly where they are in my body. I give them 90 seconds. I offer them a color to rest inside. Then I simply notice. Back and forth.

Usually they tell me something. My job isn’t to fix them. It’s just to listen while my brain processes.

Sometimes the anxious part meets the joyful, excited part. It feels like a little cartoon playing out in my mind.

Long-lost parts of me start finding their way home. (please look into IFS if you haven’t already!!)

It sounds abstract and strange when I say it out loud.

Honestly... it is abstract. And strange!

But it’s also been one of the coolest things I’ve ever experienced.

A year ago, this existed only in my imagination. Floating around.

Now thousands of you are trying it, sharing it with your kids, your partners, your friends who need it.

That’s honestly hard to wrap my head around.

Thank you for being willing to try something a little strange with me.

I really hope Do the Dots helps you discover what it helped me discover…

Support is often much closer than we think.

More soon. ❤️

Lots of love,

Bri

Such a me thing to do.

I’ve learned that when I sense a big emotion, it’s better to just give it a minute of my attention. I used to use this chart I made, but now I Do the Dots :)

It’s better than ignoring it, pretending it’s not there, and then letting it fester and mutate into some other form, like picking a dumb fight with my husband or not feeling creative that day. A restless unease, not even sure what it is, but too scared to look in its direction.

Let’s look up the definition of shame…

Shame is an intense, painful emotion arising from the belief that you are fundamentally flawed, unworthy, or have failed to live up to social or personal standards.

Yep, sounds close.

To me, it’s always felt like this deep, creepy, scary, dark thing.

I picture it as this black monster you can barely look at without grimacing. I found this guy in my archives from when I turned my shame into a character one day :)

Anyway…I thought I could share my morning experiment…if I haven’t scared you off by now haha

So I’ve been holding on to this grudge.

It’s not that I want to hold on to it. I know it’s not doing me any good. But I’ve felt very hurt about something that happened recently (I go into that more here) and there’s this part of me that’s like NOPE, I’m holding on to this forever and you can’t make me let it go.

And then I feel a shame waterfall. Like I should be able to be the bigger person, not hold on to these angry, bitter feelings, move on easier…

But I guess I’m just sensitive. Or it’s touching on something deeper.

I’ll be honest, sometimes it can feel utterly annoying to tend to these old wounds. It can feel like going in endless circles. There’s part of me that’s so over it. I get impatient and bored and want to just say would you get oveeeer it already?!

And then obviously there’s this more loving part of me that reminds me we’re working with very terrified, young, innocent parts that weren’t shown the care they needed back then, and I can really help them now.

Of course I want to do that. And each time it spirals back around, it hurts less and frees me a little more…

This quote has always resonated:

“Trauma is not what happens to us, but what we hold inside in the absence of an empathetic witness.”

-Peter Levine

So I step in to be that witness for her, just for a few minutes this morning. And I remind myself, we can have fun with this. It doesn’t have to be boring.

(PS. I’m not actually talking out loud, just using my imagination. I think it’s so cool we can do this, and how real of an effect it has on our bodies and minds.)

I ask this part of me that’s holding deeply onto this grudge…

What color is the grudge?

Black, she quickly answers.

Where is it in your body?

Mouth. (I feel my jaw clench tighter)

What does it look like?

A black plastic retainer case.

(hmmm. ok, interesting info there. nothing has to make any sense, just go with it, see what it reveals. and I always google image the memory just to see if it sparks something.)

Oh, like the black retainer case you had as a kid?

Yeah, she says with a side-eyed frown face.

I see. I remember that one. How old are you?

…silence.

(I sense around 7-8 based on the body language. she’s living in eye rolls and I can feel her insecurity. around this time…

Do you want to hand me the black case?

NO! she clenches her (my) jaw tighter.

Ok, no problem. You can keep it. I just thought it might be hard to hold.

She turns away from me even more. She’s quite irritated by now, but I can also sense a slight interest, so I’m gonna give it another minute or so.

Do you want me to go away?

…silence. (it’s not a no? I pause a little before I ask)

What do you think would happen if you gave me the retainer case?

Forget.

Forget what?

What happened.

Ok, I see. So if you forget what happened, then what?

Happens again.

(I assume she is referencing the early trauma, but I don’t need to press her on that. I can see she’s already on guard. She thinks she has to protect it all. This allows me to get even more compassionate toward this part.)

That makes sense you’d want this souvenir. I definitely wouldn’t want to take that away from you.

Is there anything you’d want to do with it? Like put it on a shelf? Decorate it?

Melt it with fire and make a giant spike shield weapon, she says with a scrunched face and tight fists.

Cool! Let’s do that. (I imagine that scene with her and we make the melted shield)

She holds it up, waving it around, jaw still clenched.

I just watch her play with it. My eyes start to tingle a little bit.

I don’t use words, but with my body language and eyes I tell her, I’m here with you, I’m not going away.

(I’ve learned shame really wants someone to sit with it, not to recoil. to hold steady, be warm, unbothered. Shame can feel so gross and repulsive and blahhhh…but when I sit with it, it’s usually so young, scared, sad and confused. Without being with it, I would miss the opportunity to help young me with the feelings she’s holding.)

I feel her jaw unclench a little and then tighten back up. She doesn’t trust it.

That’s okay, you don’t have to let go of your jaw or the retainer case shield. I get why you would want them now, I tell her.

I’m wondering, would you want any more protection?

She looks wide-eyed at me. Like what?

You could have anything you want. I can protect you. Or you could have huge lions. Or a giant bubble that shoots out electric shocks to anyone who enters. Or…

Slime River! she looks excited.

(Once I give her options, she usually tells me exactly what she needs.)

Yes! Let’s get you a slime river right away.

We imagine a rolling green slime flowing everywhere around us, as far as the eye can see. The slime keeps away people she doesn’t want near her. (her jaw unclenches a little more)

You can always have this slime. Or anything else you want to protect you.

A tear rolls down. She moves a little closer to me. She doesn’t really want to talk.

I just sit there with her in silence, looking at this green aloe vera looking slime. It reminds her of summer nights after getting sunburnt, lying in bed all sticky and tired after a fun pool day with her friends.

Her jaw is still clenched a little. Sore. Tired. But there’s more space. Deeper breathing. Less clenching everywhere else (which I didn’t even realize until after it subsided)

I remind her I’ll always be here. I can meet her at the slime river, or anywhere else she wants.

I hand her a pager with a pink gemstone button.

Just press this if you need me, k?

She smiles. I can feel her goosebumps. She feels seen.

I open my eyes, go downstairs, smile seeing that Justin left my mug and the creamer on the counter for me, pet my dog, and go about my day.

That wasn’t boring at all. It was a pretty fun way to start a Wednesday, actually.

I hope you have a great day. And can imagine anything you might need.

You can check out a drawing exercise I do with these parts here if you’re interested :)

xo Bri

Today I left the dentist’s office and had this cool realization…I had almost zero anxiety. WOW. Something I used to avoid for years, was something I found easy to do now. That was a really good feeling, but definitely took some work to get here.

As someone who’s recovering from C-PTSD, I’ve had many many triggers to overcome. I spent my 20’s avoiding, which would only build on my anxiety and shame.

Doctors, dentists, and pretty much any small room with someone wearing scrubs felt nearly impossible for me to confront.

When I was 3 years old I had to spend a week in a hospital to be examined for sexual abuse. I wasn’t allowed to have my parents there (I sure hope there are different protocols now) so no one would sway my answers. While I don’t remember being there, my body sure does, and it left a big mark. Even seeing cotton balls in a jar would get my heart racing and tense my whole body up.

Routine checkups felt like pure torture. I would cancel last minute, imagine worst case scenarios, sit in the parking lot frozen, it was just bad all around.

The past few years I decided I really wanted to find a way to move through this.

Since Do the Dots, (my 90 second color practice) worked so well for me, I was curious if I could use it here too.

I am not a professional, but I thought I could walk you through what works for me in case you have anything that’s been heavy to hold and you want to experiment.

The key for me was doing this on days when I wasn’t triggered.

First, imagine going into the doctor’s office (or whatever your trigger is).

What feeling comes up? For me it’s Fear.

Now, where do I notice this in my body? (staying out of our thoughts, and in our body instead)

My chest starts to tighten and my shoulders are pulling up a little. I explore the sensation by just putting my attention on it and then I give it a color. It feels like red to me. Tight, hot, red.

Then I scan my body for a part of me that feels better than that. It doesn’t have to feel amazing or comfortable. Even neutral works great.

Ok, I choose my knees. The sensation they have is still. Almost like nothing. Loose. When I put my attention there, I see blue. No need to overthink it if you don’t see a color, you can just pick whatever comes to mind first.

So I have this tight red chest, and these still blue knees.

Now all I am going to do is close my eyes and move my attention from the red chest (you can imagine a colored orb floating in that area) and then travel or jump in my mind to my blue knees.

Back and forth, at whatever pace feels good, for 90 seconds. I like to set a timer, because 90 seconds actually feels way longer than you think, and it’s a sweet spot for moving through the emotions.

Within the first 20 seconds I feel my stomach loosen from a holding position. I feel little ear pops (a good sign my body is downshifting from stress) and about halfway through I have a spontaneous deep breath happen.

I keep going, keeping my focus on these two spots, but noticing the little shifts.

My shoulders start lowering. The tightness in my chest starts changing and becoming a bit smaller. I notice my eyes feel a bit emotional. It’s all just body language, something you will learn over time as you practice. Just notice and keep going back and forth.

By the end of the 90 seconds, I check in with my two spots.

My chest feels less pressing down. I feel kinda tired. My knees feel the same and my legs are a bit tingly. No need to force a change.

Sometimes you might feel absolutely nothing, but that doesn’t mean it’s not working in the background.

Your brain and body are processing these emotions. I like to think of it as moving the rocks out of the stream, so everything can flow a bit easier. And now that spot has this connection point that it maybe didn’t have before. A resource, a colorful friend :)

Now I imagine going to the doctor. Hmm, interesting. It feels a little less scary. I wondered, if I do this everyday a week before my appointment, how would that change my experience?

It changed it quite a lot actually!! So much so that I can go, I can do the dots during my appointment, and I can feel proud that I am no longer avoiding something that was weighing me down.

This year I went to the gyno, physical, dentist, dermatologist, all of it with barely any nerves!! I would have been SHOCKED if you told me that 3 years ago.

It was all about taking the charge/intensity down when I felt good. Working with your body in this simple way to show it, you are okay, you are safe, and we can do this. We have resources.

Speaking of imagination. I think the scariest parts of the doctors/dentists was feeling trapped, helpless, vulnerable, afraid. When I would get to the doctor I would start to play with the space in my imagination. Now a small cold boring room, had an open sky with giant pink birds to look at. Imagine running out the room as fast as you can! Imagine your doctor as a wizard or a fuzzy character haha. Really anything that makes the experience a bit more funny/interesting seemed to help me. This taught my body, I am not trapped, I have options now.

If you want to try Do the Dots here in the beta version you can! I am almost ready to launch my phone app I hope!! I have been coding for weeks and so excited to give people a tool that could possibly help them too!! Your feedback is invaluable, so thank you.

Good luck out there, giving you a big hug,

Bri

Today I found myself at lunch with my friend and tears were streaming down my face. I was irritated and embarrassed that they kept on coming. It’s a sadness I know I needed to feel, but just didn’t really want to.

You know when something really hurts or triggers you and the emotions or reactions you’re having to it don’t exactly fit the current situation? They’re just bigger and you don’t really know why?

Even when you know they’re touching on deeper core issues, it doesn’t really make the reaction any less in your body.

Whenever this happens, I know I need to focus on it. Do some investigating and figure out what’s bothering me, that way I can have clearer vision about what’s really happening in the present.

I like to think of it as wearing trauma glasses. When I can take those off, I can see the situation as it really is, not through this lens of distortion.

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I’m craving just writing down random thoughts…no editing. so here we go.

It really helps when I scribble when someone’s talking. It’s easier for me to focus when i have two things happening at once. Even when I want to make something it’s easier when the tv is on or someone else is there and we’re being quiet.

I love being quiet.

People talk a lot, right?

The other night I had a 5 min crying thing happen to me before we went to sleep. I just felt really sad and confused about work and lack of jobs. Not sure what to do there.

Read more

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I’ve always been a computer gal. The feeling of hearing those simple sounds and limited color choices in kidpix or microsoft paint. those were the days.

I just made this Color Field Portrait based on a favorite book of mine, Thought Forms. It takes your portrait and gives you a color reading. Try it and send me yours!!

Art Ball is the name/umbrella for all my different projects. It’s been unfolding for 6 years and lately it’s felt more in the forefront of my mind.

So the past few days I’ve been thinking about a logo for it. For some reason my brain would not let me create anything branded or designed. But, I always kind of lock up around doing my own graphic design.

Every time I’d sit down to start mocking some things up I would end up drawing something like this haha. Just pure inner rebellion!

Apparently that’s where we were headed.

So after another morning of trying to make a “real” logo and ending up with this instead...

I decided to follow the thread.

I started digging through my folders from past projects to see if that would spark an idea. I kept getting pulled toward simple shapes, color blocks, hypercolor gradients, and freeform expression.

I start blending pieces of my artwork together in Midjourney.

It’s such a cool feeling to see your own drawings transformed into something unexpected while somehow keeping the original feeling. It feels less like technology and more like imagination extending itself. A playful conversation.

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These were making me smile. So loose, colorful, surreal…Exactly how Art Ball feels to me.

So then I thought, great! I’m gonna redraw some of these and finally make that logo!!

But when I started drawing them in Procreate, they lost some of the magic. They were too crisp. too clean. hmmmm.

So I pivoted.

I start cutting out my favorite letters and shapes in Photoshop and copying and pasting them into a Google Deck. Shoutout Object Selection tool.

Now these are sparking a looooot of joy. YES YES YES.

I make pages and pages of them. Not caring if they’re perfectly cut out, or that some look lo-res. I just want to have fun. It’s Saturday!

I start piecing some Art Ball letters together. I realized I didn’t put any T’s in the deck so I just get creative with what I have in there. A fun challenge.

I create about 10 of them and make a gif for my header. Art Ball is all about the process and expression, so this is the perfect logo for today.

While I was making those I was thinking wow it would be so fun to see what other people make for this “logo”. My dream is that Art Ball becomes a community playground. Maybe some of you draw it. Or make your own sticker collage. Or really anything you want. A no rules group project!!

Soooo, I made this deck. Want to make one? It would make me so happy.

Art Ball 4ever.

Thanks for being here, xoxo
Bri

It’s essentially a 90-second color tool I use if I’m ever feeling anxious, overwhelmed or having pain in my body.

Over 1500 people tried it yesterday and 73% reported positive shifts, which I thought was so cool!!

I’ve been developing this over the past few years to help me with difficult feelings and now it’s real and available for you to try too!

You can try it out here: Do the Dots

If you want to learn about some backstory of creating this tool, that’s over here.

You can save your feelings Dot card for the day too.

My real goal is to help people feel relief because anxiety and overwhelm suck to live with and we all deserve relief xoxo

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Lots of love,
Bri

OH!! I vibe coded this kidpix inspired leave me a note section on my site and I love them so much…go have fun :)

I wanted to find safety in my body. Authentic expression. Creativity for no reason.

It’s been humbling in the truest sense of the word. A slow unraveling of who I thought I needed to be. It’s been confusing and magical and deeply uncomfortable at times. But something in me knew to keep going.

I know what it’s like to reach a point where something inside of you wants to come out or change, but it feels cemented and stuck. I know what it’s like to feel emotionally overwhelmed and exhausted from constantly trying to “feel better.”

I know what it’s like to need help and not even know how to ask for it. Or what you even need.

Somewhere along the way, I started wondering…

What if healing could feel more like an art class?

More imagination. More beauty. More play. More colorful.

I was tired of endlessly rehashing my story. I wanted to experiment with it. To move it around. To approach myself differently and see if there was another way through.

Out of pure necessity, I slowly began developing my own bag of tricks.

When I felt overwhelmed or panicked, I would Do the Dots.

I created imagination exercises, drawing practices, AI shadow work journeys, and many other strange little creative experiments that helped me through a very hard time.

So what’s it like working with me 1:1?

It’s a collaborative creative space where we gently explore your inner world in a more abstract, imaginative, and artful way. No art experience is needed. We focus on expression, curiosity, emotional safety, and process over perfection.

Together, we create a small bubble of permission to experiment, reconnect, and see what wants to express.

I’m opening a few spots in June.

If you’d like to work together, you can book a session here.

Use code CREATE for 20% off until June 6.

Most sessions are online, but I’m also open to select in-person sessions in New York. If that interests you, feel free to reach out at bri@briemery.com

And I recently updated my website if you’d like to explore more of my work.

Lots of love,

Bri

I wanted to share more in depth here about it, along with a creativity workshop I recently led on processing emotions using creativity. I go over some of my daily practices, getting through creative blocks, and talk about the science of art and beauty! You can watch the full video below.

Ps don’t miss their very generous discount below for you all. So cool!

This was my first time doing psychedelics in a group setting, so I was a bit nervous but also really excited to try it out. You spend a few weeks preparing and getting to know the group online, which is nice and made it comfortable. I feel like I was able to go deeper because you’re surrounded by so many safe people who are going into the depths together.

It was wild to see a group of people from all over the world totally light UP by the end of the 5 days. Bigger smiles, relaxed bodies, there was just more ease in all of us. The effects were so clear.

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We did two mushroom ceremonies while we were there, with one day to integrate in between. It’s cool because you do a different mushroom strain each time, and the two experiences felt completely different from one another.

Beforehand you work with a facilitator to figure out a dosage that feels right for you, and everyone takes a different amount. For some, it was their first time trying psychedelics so they would begin at a lower dose to test it out. They also offer boosters during so you can increase as you go.

The first ceremony I took 5 grams (4g + 1g booster). Since I had done mushrooms before, with 4g being the most I had previously taken, I felt ready to try more.

Above is the tent you take the mushrooms in. We each had our own mats, you can see them stacked up in the back of the photo. When it’s not raining the tent is open and the view is so gorgeous. Tropical flowering trees, endless mountains.

That first session it was pouring raining outside and the whole experience felt more internal, slow, quiet. I saw beautiful imagery in my mind’s eye and felt such a calm relaxed feeling in my body. I remember thinking: please don’t ever forget this feeling.

The day in between you go to the beach or get a massage and just chill out. The food is all homemade and so delicious. Nature walks, light movement, easy breezy.

The morning before the second ceremony I had a session with Elizabeth where I was explaining some of my childhood trauma to her and how no matter what I tried I couldn’t get this looming scary feeling to go away. She understood and basically told me, “You can bury this in the hills of Jamaica tonight.”

Goosebumps.

Ok, let’s do this.

The second ceremony I did 7 grams (5g plus a 2g booster). I was nervous to take that high of a dose, but I just figured this was the place to do it.

This evening felt way more energetic. More upbeat music, people walking around more, interacting with nature, laughing. It felt alive.

When the mushrooms started fully setting in after an hour or so, I had this deep knowing that something wanted to be released from my body. My legs specifically.

I called Mandi over to me, one of the facilitators who had such a warm grounded presence, and asked if she could help me move this out of my body. I didn’t know how.

She held onto my shoulders while I laid down on the mat and said to me, “Girl, you know exactly what to do,” with such confidence. It gave me the push. The permission.

I started kicking my legs while she held onto me, stronger each time, releasing all of this pent up anger, rage, and fight response that had never fully been able to move before.

I remember looking up at her, making sure it wasn’t too much, and giving her a look like, “hey, i’m still in here, i’m just doing this thing real quick, is that okay?” She nodded at me and told me to go all the way, baby. Don’t hold back.

A few new friends sat nearby smiling (as some others were off in their own dreamworlds not even noticing). One guy who felt like an older brother sat across the room from me and it felt like he was protecting me somehow. He had Mufasa ass energy that was so cool. I wasn’t embarrassed or shy. I was just ready to let that shit go.

A new friend later told me I gave her this “hold my beer” look right before I went into it and she knew I was about to do something necessary.

One of the male facilitators drummed around me as I kicked and after a couple minutes I felt my body completely drop, like I suddenly deflated. A grip on me loosened and I felt free.

I laid there while Mandi stroked my hair, I hummed to the music, and looked out at the mountains. It felt like my brain was reorganizing itself in real time. I can still remember it so vividly.

Later I found myself dancing and singing without a care in the world. It was such an incredible feeling.

I knew my life would be different after that moment. And it really is.

I have talked about my issues with anger and emotional reactivity, and this retreat is something that helped me SO much. My husband says he basically has a new wife, and honestly that makes me emotional because it’s not like I ever wanted to feel angry.

It just feels like I can live as the real me now. Without all the fear and defenses.

Like any psychedelic experience, not every moment is comfortable, but this retreat really gives you all the resources you need to go through what you need to go through.

20/10 recommend. The people, the food, the environment, the beach, the mushrooms, the care. Truly so worth it.

*They are offering such an amazing discount to you all too, which I love!
$750 off any retreat using the code BRAP-BRIE

I did the 5 day Signature one in Jamaica, but they have the Netherlands option and now a shorter 4 day version too. I was a bit hesitant about having a roommate because I just didn’t know what that would be like, but I loved it. I felt better doing it alongside someone and we could talk after or pep talk each other.

Anyway. One of the coolest experiences of my life.

I’m very grateful, and it felt nice to process some of it here.

Thanks for reading about it!!

This week I led a workshop (video above) all about how to use creativity to help process emotions and integrate psychedelic experiences. It’s so great to be linked up with Beckley on this since I had such a great trip with them.

What I go over in the workshop if you are interested:

• Your brain on art: What neuroaesthetics research tells us about how creative expression affects emotion, cognition, and neural flexibility

• The science of art and beauty: The science behind non-verbal processing and why some experiences need to be felt and formed, not just discussed

• Guided creative practices: Hands-on exercises you can try in real time, designed to be accessible regardless of artistic background or skill level

• Building a creative practice that lasts: How to make creativity a sustainable part of your daily life, not just a one-time exercise

I’m open to any questions you have in the comments!

Discount code: BRAP-BRIE for $750 off any retreat when you checkout.

Lots of love,

Bri

I find our unconscious behaviors so fascinating to learn about and notice. I’m also still so in shock that once you see a pattern very clearly, you still fall into it so quickly. so automatically. sometimes I will be inside “watching” this part of me crash out and it’s just too strong to stop. I’ve come to think of it as kinda funny. and very humbling :)

Have you ever noticed that after you have something really positive happens, you swing in the other direction quickly after?

Feelings of excitement, expansion, openness…

and then the alarm bells go off and boom, contraction.

I remember it happened to me when I got engaged, I felt so much joy and then weirdly depressed soon after. (fear of being so close to someone, don’t do well with change, even when it’s positive)

After an amazing guided mushroom journey, I felt so much happiness, it felt like I had a new brain! I don’t know if i’d ever felt that good other than my wedding day. The day after I woke up with sadness, overwhelm and anxiety. (it would get resolved soon after, more on that soon.)

It happened to me yesterday even. I did a creativity workshop I was really looking forward to, everything went great, there was kind feedback, a lot of engagement…but my mind started to pick on me almost immediately…You looked ugly. Not everyone watched it live. Nothing is going to come from that.

And there’s that contraction.

I see now it’s usually vulnerability and fear.

It feels like, oh no, don’t get too positive. don’t get too happy. don’t get your hopes up. pad yourself with reality. the fall is going to hurt more if you trust.

expand → panic → self-criticism → collapse → smallness → temporary safety

A familiar loop.

At least now I can be more aware of it. I noticed I was picking myself apart last night and just decided to go to bed early. I still felt that way this morning and just felt it, talked with justin about it, and then sat outside all emo with my coffee and just let it pass by.

I see that my body might just be wired this way, but it doesn’t have to always be like this.

With more awareness and understanding of these protector parts living inside of me, I can work with them. They can learn to trust and flow with the waves a little easier.

I just finished No Bad Parts (more on that here) and in the book he talks about how when he was stepping into his purpose his protector parts would basically sabotage or tear him down the whole way.

Those parts just want us to be loved, accepted by others, to belong. They have extreme beliefs that are almost never true. It’s comforting to know, but can still be hard to unwind from.

I am determined to keep working with these self-critical parts. It helps to process it here too.

Have you had this experience at all?

Lots of love,

Bri

trigger warning: child sexual abuse, please read when you feel safe and supported

I got hypnotized in 2021.

It was a few months after my repressed memories came up, and I was in a phase where I felt like I needed more of the story.

I was having a really hard time accepting that my dad could do something like this to me… even though it also felt so true in my body.

I couldn’t unsee or unfeel these memories.
The floodgates had been opened.

My denial was strong but my body was certain.

Our bodies hold onto things in a way the mind can’t always explain.
It’s wild.

I don’t remember how I found this hypnotist, I think a friend told me about him.
It was over the phone. I figured… why not.

When I opened my eyes, I remember I was standing in the corner of my room.
A completely different spot from where I started. My body had moved me there without me realizing it, which I found interesting.

The hypnosis did bring me back into the memory.

Not in a graphic way, but I was there.
In his bedroom. I was around five years old.

I’ve found, memory doesn’t work like a recording.
It’s more like reconstruction, the brain piecing things together from sensations, fragments, emotions.

I can only assume I was dissociating as a way of protection at that time, so I am sure there are whole sections I won’t ever remember.

But in that moment, it felt real. Like I was there.

I saw the white duvet with no cover.
The stiff grey carpet.
The curtains closed.
A sound he often made.
His large presence next to me on my left side.
I could even feel that we had been swimming, a flash of a pink bathing suit.

I knew where I was and how it felt.

A shame-filled, scary feeling.

Heart racing.
Frozen.

Everything felt very loud in my body, even though I was sitting safely in my room.

At a certain point, the hypnotist guided me out of the room using imagination.

He asked me where I wanted to go.

I said to the backyard. The lemon trees.

Just imagining the color of those giant lemons, and the spikey grass under my feet, it started to shift something.

My body was responding. It wanted me to keep going.

Then I saw his fish tank.

Blue and yellow fish moving slowly through the water.

I imagined I could go inside of it.
Feel the water on my skin.
Become small. Hidden. Safe.

I would later do a lot of this in EMDR and somatic work.

Basically remembering the scary feeling and updating my memory with new information.

Eventually, I imagined my grandma coming into the house and taking me out.

At first, I thought I had to stay inside his house.

But at five years old, my world was small. Options were limited.

Imagination helped me expand them.
Helped her understand there was a way out.
That she’s not 5, or in that room, or powerless anymore.

I could feel the physical relief from the lemons.
More space inside as I left the house and drove away.
My heart rate changing. Less panic.

Over time, I started bringing these imagined scenes into my creative practice.

I recently wrote about my process using midjourney over here.
But this was a great way to integrate these “new endings.”

It would give me such joy to see these new scenes that lived in my imagination, and bring them to life. Adding a new layer.

None of them had to look good, make sense, or even look like me! and they would still have surprising effects on my body. Goosebumps. Smiling. Tears. Relief. Playfulness.

Storytelling through my own psyche.

I could imagine flying away on a kite…

Having a magic bubble that surrounded and protected me…

Being able to beam light out of my body and get anyone away from me:

or special lightning bolt hands!

Escaping to an underwater world…

or a pool in the middle of a pretty field…

If you’re curious, you can try something simple if an unpleasant memory comes up, either in your mind or body:

• picture a place that feels even slightly better, maybe somewhere in nature

• notice colors, textures, temperature

• stay there for a few breaths

You don’t have to force anything.

Just see what shifts.

I’m also offering 1:1 sessions where we can explore this together through imagination and art, if you want to try together.

I am so grateful for imagination, because it’s always there.

We can use this amazing (free) tool for so many things.
This is just one of the incredible ways I’ve found it helpful.

Lots of love and thank you for being here.

xx Bri

Justin ran out to do some errands which meant a few solo hours at home for me.

I planned to get into something creative.

Someone asked me a while ago to teach them my midjourney process and I was like…wait, do I even know how to explain it?

My process is usually pretty fluid, but I do notice some repeatable steps, so if you’re down for the ride, let’s see where this goes.

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prepare to zig zag a little :)

Justin (he does woodworking) and I are thinking about doing a little collab with a piece of furniture or a sculpture, so that’s been swirling around in my imagination.

You will see where this process leads me to at the end of the post…where I break down simple tips.

STEP 1: Start with a loose idea

This is a process for when I want to mix it up and make something just to inspire myself. I use AI as a tool to help me visualize what’s in my mind.

I usually start with a loose plan and follow the thread. if it starts to feel forced or not fun, that’s when i pivot.

I find it’s more fun to throw it in another direction than try to control it. especially when the goal is just to have fun and be creative.

The Entry point: the other day my friend natalie told me about a dream she had where she was inside a giant mailbox and these crazy big envelopes were coming through the slit above her head and the floor was glowing.

I liked that as a mental image and wanted to see it come to life like a photoshoot.

I spent a few minutes looking for photos that would show the concept in some way.

then I take a screenshot of the “moodboard.” which in this case is just a couple of images in Bridge to help shape the scale.

I upload the image of the moodboard into chatgpt and string together some of my go-to prompts mixed with this mailbox concept written out.

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I got some pretty pottery at an estate sale. I love them. We’re starting a renovation project soon and I’m gonna let these inspire the shelves.

It felt like perfect timing, because I’ve been thinking about bodies a lot lately.

Someone asked me “How can we be kinder to ourselves?” the other day in one of my ask me anything posts.

My mind went straight to my inner critics, the body shamers.

A few weeks back I asked for tips on loving your body and received 1000’s of messages. So many people struggle with this, it’s wild. The majority of the answers were:

Here were a few…

Before my period I usually gain 6 or 7 pounds. My body feels uncomfortable, bloated, but more than that, my mind has a lot of rude commentary and can spiral me out.

“you’re so gross.” “ugh look at you.” “cover yourself up.” “how could you let yourself get here?” “hide.”

All from a few pounds, it’s so sad.

Granted, I’m not 125 pounds like I used to be, and my mind loves to remind me of it. I say back, yeah dude, I’m 40. I’m happy, i’m doing my best. lay off.

In the shower the other day I “asked” my stomach a question. I put my hands and awareness there and waited for what felt like a response. It sounds a little nuts, but it works in an abstract way.

“Do you like yourself?”

The answer felt neutral. slower. looser.

“yes.”

When I asked my mind (as if I didn’t already know what it would say), it jumped in fast.

“no. not good. could be way better.”

I asked, “whose voice is this? who are you?”

It felt like there were a lot of them.

We all know society, our families, the toxic boyfriend, the blunt grandparent, TV, media… it comes from all angles, so of course it’s loud.

I can imagine it’s some deep-rooted belief we carry as women, like we won’t be accepted, won’t belong, won’t be chosen, will die alone type shit.

Maybe these parts think they’re protecting us. helping.

But they’re really just beating us down. They need new roles.

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Because underneath all that swirling noise, my body actually likes my body.

My body doesn’t mind my stomach sticking out when I sit down or the cellulite on my legs.

It doesn’t want to suck in or clench.

It wants to let go, lay, be touched, stretch, enjoy.

If I had to give that feeling a color (something I do a lot), I’d say green or yellow.

Natural. free. easy. open.

Like Hillie just chillin…

I want to look at my photos and see the joy, the smiling, the love. I hate that I tighten up when I see a photo of myself, my attention going straight to the wrinkles between my eyebrows now, or my “weak chin” a family member pointed out when I was a kid, something I’ve struggled with since.

I’m working on it, it’s better than my 20’s that’s for sure.

So I guess when I think of an answer for how I can be nicer to myself, it would be - to try to talk to my body more. To balance out the noise.

Asking my body what it wants, what it needs, how it feels. say thank you to it more often.

Going to dance class with friends. Stretching while we’re watching TV at night. Being outside in the grass. Just taking it easy. Smiling or dancing in the mirror. Slowing down to breathe. Touching my stomach instead of looking away. Imagine feeling held. Giving long hugs.

I hate how corny this stuff can sound, but I’m getting over that. It doesn’t feel cool to be so hard on ourselves and keep everything in.

What do you think, how can we be kinder to ourselves?

xxBri

I recently wrote a post about some of the projects that’ve been in the works, and Do the Dots is one I’ve been slowly building over the past few years.

It really came out of necessity for me at the time.

My PTSD symptoms had really flared up for about a year and a half and I started getting these intense trigger attacks. I’d been doing trauma therapy, but I did not have enough tools to understand what was happening in my body in between sessions.

These felt kind of like panic attacks… but also not really.

There was this strong physical component that I had never experienced. I’d love to know if you’ve ever had something similar.

Out of the blue, my muscles would cramp up in my hands or legs.
Tears would be streaming down my face, & they didn’t feel like present-day tears.
Sometimes my legs would shake, my face would contort and pull to the side and it would look like I was having a seizure almost.
My awareness would just sort of float away and suddenly I felt very young and scared.

It was really hard in the beginning. I felt powerless, confused and just kept feeling like…when is all this going to end?!

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One day I went to my general practitioner to make sure I wasn’t having some kind of neurological issue, and the trigger attack happened on the exam table in front of her.

She frantically ran into the hall yelling for an ambulance because she thought I was having a seizure.

Through my locked hands, fluttering eyes, shaking body, and cramped up face I managed to say, “It’s okay. This is normal.”

She looked at me and said, “Honey, this is not normal.”

A nurse came in, put her hands on my shoulders, and we took some deep breaths together for about a minute. My muscles released, my face returned to normal, and the doctor just stood there looking kind of stunned.

It was just another wave for me.

She said she could tell I was conscious in there, even if it didn’t look like it, and she wasn’t worried. I didn’t get a lot of information, and I don’t think she’d seen it before.

I did have this deep knowing that it was okay.
That my body needed to do this.
And that it would pass.

Luckily it has.

Occasionally I still get one out of the blue, but I’m really happy it feels like my body is leveling out now.

Over time, I started noticing a pattern.

If I let it happen…
if I didn’t fight it…

something would move through.

Almost every time, after a few minutes (especially if Justin was there to help me)
I would yawn.
I’d feel lighter.
My vision would get clearer.
and it would feel like there was suddenly more space inside.

That’s when I started thinking about it differently.

Not like something was wrong,
but like my body was coming out of a freeze state.

Unthawing.

Doing what it needed to do back then, but couldn’t.

I started tracking it. I became fascinated.

If it happened, I’d grab a notebook or my iPad and just observe. I was testing dual awareness in real time.

Where is it in my body?
What does it feel like?
What does it look like?
What helps it move faster?

One thing that kept working was bringing some of my attention to the present.

Color.
Texture.
Something visually pleasing or grounding.
Balancing it with a neutral or positive sensation.

And then the wave would pass faster.

I basically became a somatic data collector :)
Using art to make sense of them.

I started pulling from everything I’d been learning. Somatic Experiencing, EMDR, color psychology, neuroaesthetics… and slowly shaping something I could use in those moments.

Do the Dots was born.
…first from a need, then interest, then passion and a real desire to help others who are struggling. It’s scary to not have the support you need. It’s overwhelming how expensive and tiring the process can be.

People need more simple tools to help. So I have been trying to create one of my own to share.

I would love if this space became a bit of a focus group for the dots :)

Below is a little animation I made to explain how to try the exercise if you want to experiment.

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I’m still reading No Bad Parts, (such a great book and method, i really recommend) I read it a little at a time so I can really try the practices and get in touch with different parts of myself.

If you’re unfamiliar, parts work is basically the idea that we all have different younger “parts” within us, often shaped by childhood, pain, protection, or old experiences. These parts can quietly run the show more than we realize, influencing our reactions and decisions as they try to keep us safe, even when they accidentally block us from things we truly want.

What’s cool is that once we get to know these parts and they learn to trust us, they tend to relax and stop trying to control the narrative of our lives. They are basically just stuck in the past and need our help updating to the present.

My favorite way to communicate with my parts is through drawing.

Sometimes we start with words, but eventually it usually turns into, ok this is more fun if we move into color-and-texture land instead, and we communicate that way. It’s our shared language.

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Recently I’ve been getting to know this part of me that feels around 3rd grade.

I can tell she’s around 8 or 9 because I can sense her silly nature, her shyness, and I can feel the embarrassment in my face.

That might sound kind of funny, but one thing No Bad Parts talks about is how parts often reveal themselves through images, emotions, body sensations, memories, or just an intuitive knowing.

For me, I can literally feel her spirit in my face. My chin pulls toward my neck, my shoulders rise a little, and suddenly I recognize that embarrassed feeling in my body.

Then an image of 8 or 9-year-old me starts to appear more clearly.

In the book they call these emotions or sensations “trailheads” that you can follow. So I am going to show you where we went tonight…

Going to tuck the rest behind the paywall because this one feels a little extra vulnerable/live-process for me, and I like keeping some of these more personal reflections in a smaller circle. ♡

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Simply put PMDD is…

• Like PMS, but much more intense

• It happens because your brain/body has a strong reaction to the normal hormone shifts before your period

• Symptoms usually show up in the 1 to 2 weeks before your period and improve shortly after bleeding starts

Common PMDD symptoms:

• extreme irritability / rage

• anxiety or panic

• depression / hopelessness

• feeling overwhelmed or out of control

• crying easily

• fatigue / brain fog

• physical bloating, breast tenderness, headaches

Yep. Those check out.

Every month, for almost two full weeks I feel tested, tired, overwhelmed, and not like myself.

Tasks become harder. My tolerance is lower. Folding clothes, feeding myself, brushing my teeth, listening to my partner talk about things like insulation. Going outside when it’s not warm yet. Someone giving long, drawn out verbal instructions.

I just want silence and comfort.

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I feel bad about myself that I can’t just easily snap out of it. That I can’t seem to muster energy or patience or access my natural state of being. That I take things more sensitively and feel 13 again.

I’ve tried an antidepressant. It helps some, but also takes away labido and just doesn’t seem to help me that much.

Then my period comes and oh, there I am again. The filter of annoyance dissipates and reality becomes manageable again. Enjoyable, hopeful, inspiring, energizing!

Get me off this monthly rollercoaster, please.

I guess I just wanted to vent about it :)

Sometimes just expressing how shitty something feels can help.

It did actually, thanks for listening. xo

Bri

I keep a running album on my phone called the good place where I keep memorable moments from trips, photos I can feel the joy in, and people I love to see their smile. It always lifts my spirits to to scroll through it.

I was looking through the album today and saw some photos I’ve taken over the years that gave me a good feeling. I thought I would share a few in case you’re looking for a new phone wallpaper :)

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Download them below…

Download Endless Tulips Here

Download Psychedelic Flower Dream Here

Download Kaleidoscope Kinda Day Here

Download The Path Going Somewhere Here

Download A Sunset in Palm Springs Here

I hope you are having a great week.

Big Hug,

Bri