My heart is like a stallion, they love it more when it's broken. Do you wanna feel beautiful, do you wanna, yeah. I'm outside the door, invite me in. So we can go back and play pretend. I'm on deck, yeah I'm up next. Tonight I'm high as a private jet. 'Cause I don't know where you're going. But do you got room for one more troubled soul. I don't know where I'm going, but I don't think I'm coming home. And I said, I'll check in tomorrow if I don't wake up dead. This is the road to ruin and we're starting at the end. Say, yeah. Let's be alone together. We could stay young forever

It's not rocket science,I just simply know what I don't like. Sips rum and coke✨🫴🏾Wacha nikushow 🐼

I don't like it when I'm cooking and my dad or sister are in the kitchen. It's like they can't help it ,they have to micromanage you. Talking about, umeeka maji, siufry more pieces at a go! Bro🫩, it's so annoying ,like come cook then . Honestly I think I find it more annoying than most would cause I also don't like cooking. I'm a great cook ,like really great ( had to flex that) but I just don't enjoy it, except when I just watched some Netflix show and I'm feeling like, yeah I could be the winner of culinary wars, let me show y'all wassup!

I don't like it when I wake up without socks then forget and walk past the carpet and touch the cold floor in the morning 🫩like yeah I'm going to hate this day.

I don't like it when I can't get my hair done. To know me is to know I change my hair a lot 😂😂so yeah once I clock a Pinterest look and I can't get it done expeditiously,I don't like that

I don't like it when my mum yells🫩like love, ain't nobody fucking with that up in here. These days she's caught the vibe tho. She knows I'm not okay with that cause I'll either walk out and leave her talking to herself or be in a mood after the fact ( now we're both uncomfortable) or say, “ sawa Lakini mbona unashout ?”…………cause when you're yelling I'm not getting what your saying ,I'm already in defense mode and it's not a conversation ,I'm combative as shit. So yeah, I don't like it when she yells cause that's my girl and I like talking to her and I want her to feel and be heard,yk?

I don't like death, it's stolen a lot from me . It stole my parents’ level of sanity, my childhood,my sister's sister, a guy I really loved….and Yoh ,it's still going to take more!!! Hate a bitch that just takes,yk….never going to give. Fuck death ,I don't just not like her ,it's indifference, nkt. I don't like that I can't hate it more than I already do

I don't like seeing my parents or siblings cry or sad . Like don't ever put my family in that position cause I will put you in your place ,ok?

I don't like apples …..they taste weird, like they were trying to be a pear but couldn't hack it ,yuck. With that said ,I'm definitely drinking my apple juice 🫴🏾

I don't like bugs ,snakes anything that's not a fucking mammal or bird. I'm scared as shit. That grasshopper will have me falling apart. I don't want them around me . Dear future husband, if you are into camping 😂😂😂I'm glad you have hobbies you can enjoy by yourself and just decompress and feel relaxed. I love that for you 💙

I don't like someone that can’t pull an outfit . Look, especially if there is a theme!!! Banange!!! NOOOO, WE AIN'T DOING THAT!!!! Style up( Kikuyu accent) like dress up and if you stranded ,ask me but babes if you show up looking like you didn't know it was party , you're going to step 🤗

I don't like novels . This being substack ,compose yourself,relax, don't worry I'm okay,I just don't like novels . Never have never will . I like you tho 💙

I don't like chapos. Unfortunately that's not rage bait ,I may eat them every now and then but I don't like them at all.

I don't like it when a man drives so close to the steering Tena with both hands ! Tf😂😂😂😂 Wacha tugongwe tu. Juu unaniturn off mbaya😭😭😔

I don't like it when you're attracted to my mess ,cause shit now I'm attracted to yours, fuck are we doing now??? ! 🥴😂

I don't like a man that thinks romance is beneath them. Well, sir that's the door 🫴🏾….. get that away from me …..now.

I don't like a homophobic person, mind yours ,yk with that said I don't like gay people that only talk about sex and drugs ,I also don't like straight people that only talk about sex and drugs. That's tired 🫩

I don't like a person that suffers from the alcohol induced brand new effect. You get drunk and I barely recognize you. You're just a whole new person. Cheki, kaa mbali na Mimi. My gin and I don't like that energy . Also, I don't like it when you don't dance and we outside !!! C'mon, niambie DJ aweke zep na hudance ahhhhhhhhhh🫩

I don't like it when someone has assumptions about loc’d peeps. Dude, that's my whole family literally…… except saying how hot they are , shut up. And yes my 13 year old brother has locs too ….mid back ….eeeyyy✨😍 ahhh my family is pretty, idc!!!!

This list is long might do a part 2,3,4😂😂 but hey to end on a positive note, yk what I love……

I love that I know what I don't like 🫴🏾

Just after the hell COVID-19 period , October 2020, the outside was kinda opening again, I had moved back home, wasn't staying in juja anymore and I decided I want to go back to juja. The details of how I convinced my parents to let me move back deserves its own article so let's skip to me being back in juja.

I get there and this time I have a corner apartment,woooohhh 🥳 and I want to get drunk with my friends so I call this guy M and babes named F and M calls his other juja friends B and M2. So we get two bottles of William Lawson's and head over to M2’s house cause alikuwa Pedi😂😂and also he's criminal activities afforded him a bigger house 😂and sound system .

So we get there it was fun ,I was wasted and then the day ends and now I start hanging out with B more cause we had never hanged out before and now he was a vibe ( my friends M and F weren't from juja so after that day they went home ) now my juja friends started coming back one by one 🥳

Kiasi kiasi ,it's been a week of just sherehe and vibes : school wasn't open yet so we were just living it up . B tells me and my girls that he's former roommate is landing today in juja, tukasema ushatuconvince ! Chrome gin had just tokea and generali had just been adjusted to 50% and we were partying for the mess that was 2020 so that was the drinks combo, ati gm ikona vanilla😂😂😂😂guys !!!! Sawa ,son of a bitch we’re in.

We get to the liquor store and B’s friend is there waiting …let's call him BO, heh, I see that smile and I'm like fuck what have I been doing in juja? why wasn't I with him tho!!!!! Guys he's fine…..Yoh ! Plus he fit my type at that point which was “ jaluo boys who grew up and still reside in coast but come to Nairobi for education”🥴🥴🥴very specific ik ,but the heart wants what it wants ! Then we were like 6pple so we get 5 botties wah😂😂😂sighs in liver cirrhosis, then BO is like three on me …. Hehehehhe, I'm like okay okay ,cute but ni chtomegin na gm si Azul 😂😂😂so tulia ,tulia but tuko chini yako mzee.

So we head over to D’s house we started going there cause kukata kwa nyumba ya M2 si smart,huu msee ni Pedi anaeza shikwa anytime na tumfuate juu juu ndani ya mariamu, hence D’s place which was great cause it was the only house on the rooftop “ our low budget penthouse “ so we had a whole veranda to just be loud and ourselves

So we go,we start drinking and as people are dancing to Sailors I notice BO isn't in the house ,so I go outside and I find manz listening and just vibing and dancing to Frank Sinatra: fly me to the moon,yohhh I was had !! Before he even asked me to dance with him ,I was his 😂😂

So we dance and we talk but we are so drunk and a lot happened that night that deserves its own article once more but yk after that day ,then the next and then the next ,I was BO’s girl ..✨ that's how we meet . You see :bring back meet cutes!!!! It shouldn't be a lost art!!!!

So we are dating right . Then one day we are all getting wasted at the rooftop of my apartment, Chrome gin ww😂nkt, so a couple of drinks in ( several bottles) and we were chasing with flirt vodka 😂😂😂😂like you can't make this shit up !! BO, starts playing with that soda seal, and next thing he proposes with it and my drunk in love ass says why not, yes love ! Put a ring on it ( soda seal😭😭😭)

You'd think that's where we'd stop but nooooo, “let's get married rynna” to which I agreed again!!! And our friends ,our voices of reason , didn't think to intervene , B started working on his joining union speech and we were just going with it . Next thing B’s officiating ,S is my maid of honor and A is BO’s best man😂😂Yoh , I can't even lie I was so in it after BO’s vows, they were so cute , I remember some of it( I'll keep that to myself💙) the rest let's chalk it up to alcoholic induced dementia.

But yeah we kissed and we were married I was now Mrs.O😂😂😂 the night went on and I passed out and the night was blurry the next morning and then S showed me the pictures and videos and all I could say was * si legit right , acheni kucheka staki ufala 🫩😭😭😭🥴

But yeah I got drank and married my man✨I think it's a cute memory,dumb but definitely one of my favorite memories about campus and him……. And I spent the next couple of months as Mrs.O till yk

…..we got divorced ☕

…….5 years ago damn

I'll do a destination wedding next …..maybe I'll even tell my parents about it but for now Alexa play me Fly me to the moon by Frank Sinatra……..

…….BO, I hope you're okay wherever you are …( okay ik where you are cause we do this weird thing where we snap with each other but don't talk ,so I can't ask how you're doing…don't want to but I really hope you're okay….you were one damn good husband

What did Robin and Barney say : it's not a bad marriage that's ended ,it's a happy one that lasted as long as it did …..

I'm rooting for you even though I can't be there for your next big moments or wedding 😂😂😂😂😂🫴🏾………….

Actually Alexa play me Outside by Cardi B ☕🫴🏾

To understand me or relate to my mind you have to know my origin, at least a part of it . So here you go 🫴🏾

‎I was a planned pregnancy not because my parents wanted another daughter or they were yearning for a kid but because Megean, their first daughter, had just died from an illness, my father was drinking and away, my mother was working and away: both coping I guess, my other sister was all alone and the affairs didn't help : so as a last hail Mary for their marriage : they had me.....Bridie Maugham Dibora.

‎I look like Megean, at least I did for as long as pictures could be compared. This always made me wonder am I my dad's favorite kid cause I look like the one he lost and it's comforting to have me present and I'd always get my way cause how could he say no to this face, my face, her face ,our face I guess? Am I always at heads with my mum cause I remind her of Megean, maybe she sees all the ways we are actually different and it frustrates her cause she's stuck with me and she'll never know the woman she would have become? I don't know and I don't think they do either. Maybe I'm just my dad's favorite kid and my mum and I are too similar which is why we clash a lot or maybe I had it right the first time……

‎It's sad though, my parents are the only living people that really remember her, I guess my sister does too but she was really young : but the mind's a crazy place so I don't know.

‎My parents love me ,I know that but it's not easy being raised by grieving parents or being stuck with a sister who constantly reminds you how much, Megean was kinder and how closer they were: bitch, right?

‎It took me a long time to feel at home ,I mean I begged to go to boarding, switched schools for it infact, was always outside ....maybe I was always looking for my own family, one where I fit in and felt genuinely wanted. Growing up the way I did makes me a lot of things like calm in a bad situation, protective, observative, bold, loyal, calculative and it also makes me distant and cold and hard to know: I see a lot of things in the gray , it's not black and white for me...... it's exhausting to know just how much you actually care and are affected by things but also that you can't always show it ,cause that's what strength looks like to you . Be vulnerable? This is me being vulnerable, it's an intimate, personal story….. tell you how I really feel?……nahhh, let's talk about sth else.

‎Anyway ,now you know a little bit about my origin......still a lot for me to tell.

Now you probably have some theory about me ,cute ....let's see if it changes with time ....till then let me start typing up the next story ☕