How have you been? I know it has been a little while since I’ve had a chance to connect with you and write Sunday Dinner. This summer has been FULL.

The past few weeks alone have been INSANE including Jack and Jill’s National Conference, getting the kids ready to return to school, birthday after birthday after birthday, and all the regular life things.

The littles twins kick off the summer with the birthday festivities. This year they turned the big 1-0. Then my sister’s birthday usually involves some sort of trip (love that for us!) and my birthday is just six days later. My mother’s birthday follows at the end of July with the big twins celebrating their sweet/super 16 the very next day. My husband rounds out the birthday celebrations in August. His birthday is today.

This year I was selected as one of five people in my regional to become a Marion Stubbs Thomas National Leadership Academy (MSTNLA) Fellow. It’s a leadership development program in Jack and Jill named after the organizations founder. I spent the past year in the program and we had our Capstone celebration at National Conference in Baltimore. Would you believe it if I told you I’ve never been to Baltimore? Yep, it was my first time.

There have been highs.

All of the birthdays, Jack and Jill’s National Conference, moments of joy, celebration, beauty, connection and travel have made this summer another one for the books.

And there have also been heavy things.

My dad’s health has been a major part of this season, and my family has been figuring out how to come together to support him, and make decisions with his care.

So yes, it has been a lot.

But even so, I miss this table: writing, reflecting, reading your comments, connecting. I missed the rhythm of Sunday Dinner.

So I recorded a quick video for you in the meantime as proof of life, lol! At the time I recorded this video I was standing in that strange place where you are grateful, tired, stretched, reflective, and still trying to keep up with the calendar.

I think sometimes we wait until we can do something beautifully, fully, or perfectly before we show up. But this season is teaching me that showing up imperfectly still counts. That means short videos, quick notes, a “hello, I miss you, I’m still here” it all counts. And you know what? That’s part of the point.

So this is my check-in. And I will be back to writing and sharing more soon.

In the meantime, I would love to hear from you. What has this summer been teaching you? Have you been in a season of transition, caregiving, exhaustion, joy, or all of the above?

Drop me a note and hello. Or just let me know how you’re doing.

Thank you for being here for Sunday Dinner. There is more to come.

See you next week,

One of the Moms asked us to check in using a “Fist to Five.” We were supposed to hold up a hand showing how we felt, from a closed fist (not so good) to five fingers (excellent).

One by one, the Moms answered. They were tired. Overextended. Managing work, family, leadership responsibilities, travel, deadlines, health concerns, and everything else that does not stop simply because we need a moment to breathe. And yet, there we all were. Still on the call preparing, helping with needs and finding another little bit of ourselves to give.

And everyone, and I mean every woman on that call, was struggling with something. Mostly everyone said a four, but that’s because even though they were tired and pushing through, they didn’t want to complain and shared there was still so much to be thankful for. Wow.

There was something reassuring about knowing I was not the only one, but something troubling about it too.

Why is pushing through so normal for highly capable women?

Why are we so quick to offer our time, ideas, energy, and support when what we may actually need is to sit down? And not after we completely fall apart.

Why Is It So Hard to Rest?

A few weeks ago, I joined Helen Hope Kimbrough and Dr. Charlitta Hatch on the Behind the Throne podcast, along with Ashly Varnadoe, for a conversation about rest, recovery, and renewal.

We talked about the difference between self-care and rest. We talked about mothers and grandmothers who worked hard, kept families together, made a way out of no way, and rarely had the luxury of stopping. We talked about being raised to believe that strength meant continuing, no matter what. And we talked about the idea that rest must somehow be earned.

I still struggle with that.

Even when I take a break, part of my mind is calculating whether I have accomplished enough to deserve it. Before and even something during my “rest” I am asking myself if I did everything before I sit down.

Y’all this stops now. For real.

Rest is not supposed to be a prize handed to us after we have exhausted every useful part of ourselves. Rest is what allows us to keep living, creating, leading, loving, and giving without becoming completely depleted.

Last June, my body sat me down. I had COVID, the flu, and shingles around the same time. Apparently, my body decided that one diagnosis was not getting my attention.

Before that, I had become very good at pushing through. So my body made the decision for me.

This June is better, thankfully, but I am still running on fumes. I realize that I spend all year on “machine mode”. That means I don’t think about what I need, I just think about what needs to get done and I do it. But this year I realize now that when summer arrives and I finally think I can take a breath, the exhaustion I have been suppressing catches up with me.

It is as though my body has been patiently waiting for an opening.

“Oh, are we slowing down now? Wonderful. Here is everything you have not allowed yourself to feel since January.”

June has become when the truth becomes harder for me to outrun. Now that I notice it, I’m going to fix it.

What If We Did Not Wait?

What would happen if we rested before the headaches, resentment, illness, anxiety, and exhaustion?

What if we did not wait until our bodies forced us into bed and we treated rest with the same seriousness that we treat meetings, deadlines, appointments, and everyone else’s needs?

Rest needs to go on your calendar before the calendar becomes full.

I am not writing this from a mountaintop of perfect balance (obviously, lol). I am writing it while tired, after several busy days, trying to remember the very lesson I discussed on someone else’s podcast.

But perhaps that is why I needed to write it today.

A Note for Table and the Woman Still Pushing

You do not have to complete everything before you pause. Leave something for tomorrow. Ask someone else to help. Close the laptop. Take the nap. You know the work will still be there.

The question is whether you will be well enough to enjoy the life you are working so hard to build.

The Sunday Dinner Question

If you played Fist to Five right now, how are you really feeling? And what would it look like to respond honestly to what your body, mind, and spirit need?

Pull up a chair and tell me in the comments.

You can listen to my full conversation about rest, recovery, and renewal on the Behind the Throne podcast below. It’s a much needed episode, but if you’re short on time and need to skim, I have timestamps near the bottom of this story.

See you next week,

Brie

Timestamps from the Podcast

00:00 Why Rest Matters

01:01 Meet Brie Wright and Ashly Varnadoe

01:59 What Does Real Rest Actually Feel Like?

07:36 Rest vs. Self-Care: Are They the Same Thing?

10:32 The Generational Stories That Taught Women to Keep Going

11:21 Brie on Her Mother, Hard Work and the “Strong Black Woman”

13:14 Why Do We Feel Like We Have to Earn Rest?

16:46 Why Highly Capable Women Struggle to Sit Still

18:31 Motherhood, Boundaries and Not Showing Up to Everything

21:18 The Proverbs 31 Woman and the Pressure to Do It All

25:34 When Your Body Forces You to Stop

25:44 Brie’s Experience With COVID, the Flu and Shingles

28:48 Ashly’s Stroke and the Medical Cost of Overworking

32:03 What Recovery and Renewal Can Look Like

33:05 Brie’s “Rookie Sabbatical” and Her Trip to Europe

36:00 Every Opportunity Is Not an Assignment

37:22 Who Are You Without the Job Title?

39:53 What Children Learn When Their Mothers Choose Rest

42:56 Practical Ways to Recover, Recalibrate and Renew

46:26 Why Yoga, Pilates and Stillness Can Feel Uncomfortable

47:00 Achievement, Trauma and Learning That Good Is Good Enough

50:34 Healthy Ambition vs. Constantly Trying to Prove Yourself

53:18 What Is a Radical Sabbatical?

57:39 How to Financially Prepare for an Intentional Pause

59:48 Why We Should Not Wait Until Retirement to Enjoy Our Lives

01:00:20 Final Reflections on Rest, Recovery and Renewal

01:02:31 Connect With Brie and Ashly

At the beginning of the year, many of us had goals, words, plans, declarations, vision boards, notes in our phones, half-filled journals, and at least one ambitious idea that sounded very reasonable in January.

It’s time to check in on these goals we discussed in January. In case you missed it, I’ve linked it at the end of this story. And please check in with me in the comments about how you are doing on your goals.

I’ll be vulnerable and share mine here. At the start of the year, my word was clarity. And when I got clear, I realized almost everything I wanted boiled down to three things. I wanted to be smarter, healthier, and wealthier. Simple enough to remember. Hard enough to actually do.

So let’s check in. Together. I’ll start.

This one has been the most fun.

I’ve been reading like it’s my job. Right now, I’m in Start With Yourself by Emma Grede, and I just shared my whole reading list with you last week (linked below). I have been reading books on business, creativity, wealth, healing, education, leadership, motherhood, and purpose. Doing great here.

I’ve also kept up with taking French lessons with my virtual tutor, Carole, in France because I find learning from a native speaker provides not only lessons on getting the translation right, but also the culture. Now, I will admit, I need to find more time to study so that I don’t stumble during every class, but my tutor is patient with me. Un petit peu for now.

And I’ve been paying attention to how I think and how I create, treating my own mind like something worth studying. That part feels less like a goal and more like coming home to myself.

For me, becoming smarter is not just about consuming more information. It is about becoming more curious, more thoughtful, and more intentional about what I allow to shape my mind. So in addition to reading and language learning, it’s about asking the better question, studying a person on YouTube who built something meaningful, paying attention to what inspires me and what drains me, and learning from previous experiences that my own ideas deserve development too.

Okay, Healthier has been more… humbling. This is where I have to pull out the quote that says “failure is feedback” because I have NOT been meeting the mark here.

I would love to tell you I have become the kind of woman who wakes up at 5 a.m., drinks lemon water, works out, journals, stretches, meal preps, and all the jazz. That would be beautiful. But that would also be fiction.

Right now, healthier looks like drinking more water. Taking my vitamins. Meditating with Calm and sometimes Headspace. Paying attention to my mental energy. Resting when my body tells me to rest, even when my ambition would prefer that I keep going.

I am still working on the workout part. Homegirl is not in anybody’s gym, and with temperatures slowly creeping up, you can guarantee I won’t be doing any walks outside either. Me and anything above 82 degrees are like oil and water. But I do want to walk and get healthier so I can live a longer, richer life. And yes, I want to look good in my clothes, so vanity is definitely in the equation. I am simply going to have to get up early to do it or be prepared to cook in the sun. Can y’all help hold me to it?

And I got sick this week AGAIN, but the boys gave it to me. So the lesson here: wear the N95 mask when they come to me with the “Mommy, I don’t feel good” announcement.

This one is the long game, and I am playing it on purpose.

Of course, I want to make more money. I am not going to pretend otherwise. I am a mother of four. I have goals, children, dreams, responsibilities, and I want to be one of the FIRE folks (Financial Independence Retire Early).

I’ve been reading about money, studying wealth, and watching how wealthy people think and move and build. Not to copy anyone, but to understand how to get to where I want to go.

Owning my consulting business has been very rewarding, full stop. But being honest, I need to diversify so I’m not only trading my time for money because that’s not going to build the kind of wealth I want to see. So I’m limiting my client roster, saving that precious time and energy for just a few, while also building options. If you’re into investing, you know you have to diversify your portfolio. So 79 West Creative is one option in my wealth portfolio but I need more.

Speaking of which, after learning about a “family office” on YouTube and learning why I had never heard that phrase before (hint: I’m not yet in that tax bracket), I have been using AI tools to help me build a wealth plan based on my actual goals. Not someone else’s version of success. Mine. I can share this in a later post if you’re interested in building a wealth plan too.

So, A Check-In Is Not a Bad Thing, But It’s a Necessary Conversation

A check-in is not a final grade.

We are halfway through the year, and the point of stopping to look is not to see how perfectly we’ve done. It’s to see if we’re still pointed in the right direction. To ask, gently and honestly, am I still becoming the woman I said I wanted to become?

And maybe that is what a real midyear check-in is supposed to do. Not to punish or embarrass us. And definitely not to make us feel behind. Just bring us back to: What did I say I wanted? What still matters? What no longer fits?Where am I making quiet progress? Where do I need support, structure, or a softer plan?

And if January was for declaring the vision, maybe June is for telling the truth about it.

That is the check-in. That is the realignment.

Some of my goals are thriving. Some are limping along on life support. One of them just put me in the bed for four days. And all of that is allowed. Progress was never supposed to be a straight line. If you fall, get back up and press on.

A Note for the Table

Speaking of the table, I’ve been dreaming up something.

You know I invite you over for Sunday Dinner at least twice a month. So I’ve been thinking about what it would look like to actually pull up a chair for someone. To invite a woman I admire to sit down, and instead of a highlight reel, we just talk. Her story. Her becoming. What she’s learned. The real stuff, the way we’d talk if you were sitting across from me.

I’m still figuring out exactly how it would look. But I wanted to bring you in early, because this table has always been ours, not just mine.

1. What’s one goal you set in January that deserves an honest check-in today?

2. And tell me, would you pull up a chair for Sunday Dinner with a guest? What would you want to hear?

I’m genuinely asking. Comment and let me know.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to get back in my bed and rest up because I’ve been out of it for a few days, so next week is going to be INSANE.

See you next week,

As a child, I would spend my summers walking two blocks to the Brooklyn Public Library and staying there to read about all sorts of subjects. But my favorite series, without question, was The Baby-Sitters Club by Ann M. Martin.

These days, I still have a deep affection for bookstores, libraries, and the joy of settling in with a good book. If I’m watching a podcast and someone I admire mentions a book that helped them, I’m probably buying it. If I’m scrolling on Substack and I see a creator excited because they just published a book, more often than not, I’ll buy that too.

(This is a quick video I snapped while visiting a library during my recent trip to Paris. I love visiting old libraries because the architecture is incredible. And yes, like Carrie from Sex and the City, I like the smell of books too!)

I believe in supporting people’s dreams when you have the money, time, or resources to do so. Sometimes that support looks like buying the book, leaving the review, sharing the post, or simply cheering someone on.

So with all that said, I put together a list of books I’ve purchased recently and wanted to share it with you. Maybe you’ll find something to read at the beach this summer, during your lunch break, or in the quiet corner of your home when everyone finally leaves you alone for five minutes.

Here’s my cute little list.

Business & Entrepreneurship

For the dreamers who also run spreadsheets

Start with Yourself by Emma Grede

I’m currently reading this one, and I picked it up because I wanted to learn more about Emma Grede’s path as a founder, leader, and mother. She has four kids like me, so naturally I wanted to know: how is she thinking about business, family, ambition, and building something that lasts? The book explores her philosophy on starting with who you are, owning your story, and building from a place of clarity and discipline. So far, I’m enjoying it and finding myself agreeing with a lot of what she says. It feels like one of those books that gives you both a mirror and a little push.

Big Idea Food by Marlena Banks

I discovered this one through a creator on Substack and wanted to support her work, but I also loved the premise. Big Idea Food is designed for entrepreneurs and creatives who need space to think, reflect, and reconnect with the bigger purpose behind what they are building. I bought the study journal with 52 guided reflections for entrepreneurs, along with the weekly devotional. If you are building something and need both encouragement and a little structure for your thoughts, this feels like a good one to keep nearby.

Feel-Good Productivity by Ali Abdaal

Ali Abdaal is a creator I’ve followed on YouTube for a while. He is a former doctor turned YouTuber who teaches productivity in a way that does not make you feel like you need to become a machine. This book is about getting things done by making productivity feel more joyful, sustainable, and energizing. I like that premise because I am interested in productivity, but I am not interested in productivity that requires me to be exhausted and miserable. We are no longer accepting burnout as a business strategy. Thank you.

Creativity & Purpose

For the ones asking, “What’s next?”

The Creative Act: A Way of Being by Rick Rubin

As a creative, I was drawn to this book immediately. Rick Rubin writes about creativity as a way of seeing and being, not just something reserved for artists, musicians, or people with fancy studios and dramatic scarves. One thing I loved right away is that he makes the point that we are all creative because we all create in some way. The book is thoughtful, deep, and almost spiritual, but still practical. One idea that stayed with me is that good ideas are in the atmosphere, and if you do not grab the idea and use it, someone else might, because the idea wants to come into the world. Good stuff.

The Meaning of Your Life by Arthur C. Brooks

Like I said, I am on a purpose journey. I have accomplished many of the things I once wanted, and now I find myself asking, “What’s next?” This book is about finding deeper meaning, especially beyond achievement, success, and the things we chase thinking they will finally make us feel settled. I have not started it yet, but the premise speaks to the season I’m in. I am very interested in the question of what makes life feel meaningful after you have checked a few boxes and realized the boxes were never the whole point.

Creating Your Chapter Harmony by Ryen Watkins

This is a guided book about intentionally creating the life you want and manifesting what you believe you deserve. I found it through a creator on Substack, and clearly, we are seeing a theme in my book purchases. I have not started it yet, but it feels like one of those books I will pull out when I’m ready to sit with myself, write things down, and be honest about what I want my next chapter to look like.

Personal Growth & Mindset

For the overthinkers and the ones doing the work

The Life Audit by Ximena Vengoechea

I saw this book while waiting to pick up prints at Kinko’s, and since I am very much in a season of auditing my life and goals, it immediately caught my attention. The book is a step-by-step guide to reflecting on where you are, clarifying what you want, and making intentional decisions about the life you are building. I have a feeling this one may come with me on my annual retreat. I’ll share more about that later, but let’s just say, when a book says life audit, I am listening.

The Courage to Be Disliked by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga

I cannot remember which YouTube creator mentioned this book, but they had built enough trust with me that I bought it. See? Even a marketing-minded person cannot escape good marketing. This book is about freedom, happiness, and learning how to live without being controlled by other people’s approval or disapproval. It challenges the way we think about relationships, self-worth, and the stories we tell ourselves. The title alone is enough to make me uncomfortable, which probably means I need to read it.

The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks

This is another book in my growth and intention expansion pile. The Big Leap is about identifying the inner limits that keep us from moving into the next level of our lives. It talks about the ways we can self-sabotage when things start going well, and how to move into what the author calls your “Zone of Genius.”

Don’t Believe Everything You Think by Joseph Nguyen

As I shared in Sunday Dinner recently, my mind can really do some things if I let it. So this book felt right up my alley as an overthinker. It explores how our thoughts can create suffering, and how we can find more peace by learning not to believe every thought that shows up in our minds. The title alone felt like it was looking directly at me. I accidentally bought three copies from Amazon, so I gave one away during my dermatology appointment. Because apparently, I was not just buying books. I was starting a small ministry for overthinkers.

Healing & Self-Care

For the ones who need a soft place to land

This Is How You Heal by Brianna Wiest

I found this book through YouTube creator Arielle Simone. She was reading it in a book-club-style series, and I enjoyed the excerpts so much that I bought the book myself. This Is How You Heal is about moving through pain, loss, emotional patterns, and the process of becoming whole again. If you are hurting, healing, grieving, or simply trying to understand yourself better, this is the kind of book that offers comfort without pretending everything is magically fixed. It feels gentle, but still powerful.

Parenting & Education

For the moms who stayed home and stayed in the game

The Well-Educated Child by Dr. Deborah Kenny

I am serious about education for my children, and I often create opportunities for them to learn outside of the classroom. As a mom who stayed home with them when they were younger, I was their first classroom. I simulated a private school education at home until they were old enough to go to school, and I still believe learning should be deeper than just completing assignments and passing tests.

Now that my older kids are in high school, I find myself questioning whether their school environment is the right match, particularly for my daughter. I saw John Legend on a recent episode of The View, and he mentioned this book and the ideas of quality thinking, agency, ethical purpose, and deeper learning. I was all over that. This book explores how children can be educated in a way that develops not just academic success, but character, independence, and purpose. I have not started it yet, but it is next on my list.

Fiction & Fun

For when you just want a good story

The Planner and the Diva by J.M. Skye

This book is by a talented friend of mine who has always been an incredible writer. It is a cozy mystery with wit, personality, and twists, which already sounds like a good time. I have not read it yet, but when I saw that she had published a book, I had to have it. I love supporting people I know when they are brave enough to put their work into the world. It is in the queue, and yes, at this point my queue is less of a list and more of a lifestyle.

If I Ruled the World by Amy DuBois Barnett

I have followed a bit of Amy DuBois Barnett’s career (Teen People, Ebony, Honey and Harpers’ Bazaar Magazine), so when I saw this next part of her journey, I wanted to support it. I have not started the book yet, but the premise looks like a rich, engaging story centered on ambition, identity, power, and reinvention. The television adaptation is officially in development at Hulu as an hour-long drama series. The project was acquired by the streaming network in January 2026, just days before the book was released.

Culture, Music & Legacy

For the stories, sounds, and artists that shaped us

African - American Musicians That Changed Music Forever by Father and Son duo, Micheal and Matthew Carson

This book was written by my cousins, Michael A. Carson and Matthew A. Carson, so it is extra special to include in this list. African-American Musicians That Changed Music Forever celebrates 100 legendary artists who helped create the soundtrack of our lives.

From jazz and soul to R&B, rock, pop, gospel, and beyond, this book honors the musicians whose creativity shaped culture, opened doors, and gave generations of us songs connected to memory, movement, joy, heartbreak, celebration, and history.

I love that this book is not just about music. It is about legacy. And I am always going to support family, especially when they are creating work that preserves and celebrates our stories. This one absolutely belongs in the stack.

A Few Closing Thoughts

So that’s my cute little list.

Some I’ve read. Some I’m reading. Some are sitting patiently in the queue.

But I love books for that reason. They wait for us. They meet us in different seasons. Sometimes they teach us something, comfort us or

challenge us. And sometimes they remind us that there are still so many ideas, stories, and possibilities left to explore.

Until Next Week,

Brie

I have feelings. People sometimes say or do things that rub me the wrong way. I’m not above being bothered. But offense has a way of making me feel yucky. That’s the best word I can use for it. It makes me feel unsettled and beside myself. It sends my mind into a place where I start replaying details, asking questions I don’t have answers to, and creating entire storylines based on very limited information.

And if I’m honest, I have an unfortunate talent for creating negative scenarios.

If I don’t pause and assume good intent, my mind will happily take me on a field trip to the worst possible explanation for why someone said what they said or did what they did. And do you know what I’ve learned? A lot of times, I’m wrong when it comes to this. Not always. But enough times to teach me a lesson.

There have been moments when I was offended, frustrated, or convinced someone meant something a certain way. I would sit with it, think about it, maybe even vent about it. Then, once I finally got clarity, the truth wasn’t even close to what I had imagined.

And then there I was. Tired. Annoyed. Emotionally drained. For nothing.

That is when I started realizing that offense is expensive. It costs peace. It costs clarity. It costs focus. It costs energy. And these days, I cannot afford to spend my peace on everything.

Let me be clear

I’m not talking about ignoring disrespect. I’m not talking about pretending something didn’t hurt when it did. I’m not talking about tolerating patterns of harm, mistreatment, or behavior that needs to be addressed. That’s not wisdom or peace protection. That’s avoidance. I’m (now) very good about going straight to the source if there is an issue.

What I’m talking about are the moments when I don’t yet have all the facts, but my mind wants to build a whole case anyway. The moments when I’m tempted to assume the worst before I’ve asked one clarifying question. The moments when I give someone’s comment, tone, delay, or decision more room in my spirit than it deserves.

That is the kind of offense I am learning to manage. Because sometimes the thing that offended me is real. But sometimes, it is just my imagination working overtime.

Perspective has been a teacher

One thing that has helped me manage offense is perspective.

As I write this, my dad has been in the hospital for over a month. One of my children is having behavior issues. I’m concerned about how two of my kids are performing in school and what that may mean for their future. I have family members dealing with serious, life-or-death issues. I have responsibilities in my home, in my business, in leadership, and in my own personal growth.

So somewhere along the way, I started asking myself: Do I really have room for this? Do I have room in my mind, my body, my schedule, and my nervous system to let this thing take over my whole day? Most of the time, the answer is no.

I barely have time for a proper mental breakdown, let alone spending all day upset about something that may or may not have been intentional. And I say that with a little humor, but I mean it.

(Pulled this funny video from a creator Mom on Instagram)

There are things in my life right now that require the best of me. My children need a present mother. My business needs a clear-thinking owner. My leadership roles need someone who can make sound decisions. My family needs support. And honestly, I need me too. I need the version of me that can think clearly. I need the version of me that can pray, plan, decide, and move forward. I cannot do that well if I am emotionally exhausted from every perceived slight.

Mental energy is a real resource

I don’t think we talk enough about mental energy as a resource. We talk about time. We talk about money. We talk about physical energy. But mental energy? That’s real too.

Every day, I am responsible for a lot of decisions. Some are small, like what we’re eating for dinner or who needs to be where by what time. Some are larger, like how to support my children, how to lead well, how to grow my business, how to diversify my income, and how to keep becoming the woman I know I’m called to be.

That is a lot. So I have to be careful about what I let take up space in my mind. If I am constantly offended, constantly ruminating, constantly replaying what somebody said, constantly wondering what they meant, I lose energy I need for things that actually matter.

That doesn’t mean I don’t address things. It means I try to be more intentional before I give something access to my peace. Protecting my peace often looks like protecting the pieces of my life that matter most, and being careful not to let unnecessary things take a slice of what belongs to them.

For example, I actually have a little framework I use to help me decide how much energy something deserves. It may sound funny, but it works for me. If it is not about my minis, my mama, my money, or my man, I try not to treat it like an emergency.

And by minis, I mean my children.

Now, that does not mean I do not care about anything else. It does not mean I do not address things. It does not mean certain situations are not important. It simply means everything cannot be an EF-5 storm in my life.

If something is not affecting my children, my parents, my finances, or the core relationship closest to me, then I try to categorize it properly. It may need attention. It may need a conversation. It may even need a boundary. But it probably does not need my whole nervous system.

That framework helps me pause before I give something more energy than it deserves.

The embarrassment of being wrong

Let’s also talk about the part nobody wants to admit. It is embarrassing to find out your offense was unwarranted.

You know how it goes. Something happens at work, in a community group, in a family conversation, or even with a friend. Someone says something. Or doesn’t say something. Someone makes a decision. Someone leaves you out. Someone uses a tone you don’t like.

And instead of getting clarity, you start filling in the blanks. Then maybe you call a friend. Or tell your spouse. Or vent to a coworker. And by the time you finish telling the story, it has grown legs, arms, and a full personality.

Then later, when you finally get clarity, you realize the person did not mean what you thought they meant. Or they didn’t even know you took it that way. Or there was more context you didn’t have. Now you’ve wasted your energy and you might have to circle back to the person you vented to like, “Well… turns out that’s not exactly what happened.”

I’ve been there. And I did not like how that felt.

So I learned a lesson. If something matters enough to take up that much space in my mind, it may be worth getting clarity. And if it is not worth getting clarity, it may not be worth carrying.

What I try to do now

I’m not perfect at this. Please know that. I still get offended sometimes. I still overthink. I still have moments when I have to pull myself back from the edge of a full mental storyline. But I am better than I used to be.

And here is what helps me.

1. I ask myself if I have the full story.

Before I let myself get too worked up, I try to pause and ask: Do I actually know what happened? Do I know what they meant? Or am I filling in the blanks with my own frustration, fear, insecurity, or past experiences?

Because sometimes the story in my head is not the truth. It is just the loudest explanation. And the loudest explanation is not always the most accurate one.

2. I ask if this is a moment or a pattern.

This has helped me a lot. If something happens once, it may be a moment. If it keeps happening, it may be a pattern.

A moment may need grace. A pattern may need a boundary. That distinction matters because I do not want to overreact to a moment, but I also do not want to ignore a pattern.

So I try to slow down long enough to ask: Is this really about what happened today? Or is this connected to something that keeps happening? That question helps me respond with more wisdom.

3. I decide if I need clarity or if I need to let it go.

Not everything needs a meeting. Not everything needs a text. Not everything needs a full conversation. Some things truly can be released.

But if I know I am going to keep thinking about it, or if the relationship matters, or if the issue could affect how we move forward, then I try to go directly to the person. Not with an attitude. Not with a speech I rehearsed in the shower. Just clarity.

Something like: “Hey, I may have misunderstood this, but can you help me understand what you meant?”

That one question has saved me a lot of unnecessary spiraling.

4. I remind myself that my peace has a job.

This is the biggest one. My peace is not just for me to feel good. My peace helps me mother better. It helps me lead better. It helps me make better decisions. It helps me hear God more clearly. It helps me create. It helps me show up as the version of myself I actually like.

So before I hand my peace over to a situation, I try to ask: Is this worth the cost?

Sometimes the answer is yes. Some things need to be addressed. But a lot of times, the answer is no.

And in the words of that famous Temptations scene, “Ain’t nobody coming to see you, Otis.”

Sometimes I have to remind myself that this situation is not the whole show. It may not even be a scene worth replaying.

Peace takes practice

I wish I could say I have mastered this. I have not. But I am practicing.

I am practicing not being so quick to assume the worst. I am practicing asking better questions. I am practicing going directly to the person when something matters. I am practicing letting go when something does not. And I am practicing protecting my mental energy like it is valuable.

Because it is.

The older I get, the more I realize that peace is not just something that happens when life is easy. Peace is something we have to guard. Sometimes fiercely. Sometimes quietly. Sometimes by setting a boundary. Sometimes by asking a question. And sometimes by deciding that a situation does not get to have the rest of your day.

So these days, before I react, before I vent, before I allow my mind to run wild, I try to pause and ask myself:

Do I really want to spend my peace on this?

Most of the time, the answer is no.

Until next week,

As someone with a lot of responsibility, most of it by choice, I’ve realized something important:

Happiness happens.
But joy is something we choose.

Happiness is usually tied to circumstances. Something external happens, and it creates a feeling of delight. And that’s wonderful.

But what does life look like if we spend our time waiting for happiness?

It’s almost like leaving our positive emotions up to the world to create for us.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I’ll gladly receive happiness when it comes. But in the meantime, I’m learning to be more purposeful about creating moments of joy. Because joy is a decision.

I was reminded of that recently. I was having a pretty rough day a few weeks ago when a friend called me. We were just talking, and in the middle of the conversation, she mentioned she was coming to Charlotte for the Bruno Mars concert… and had an extra ticket.

Now listen. Bruno Mars is one of my favorite artists. I have vinyl albums of his and everything. I was instantly excited. That moment made me happy. But here is where the decision to choose joy came in:

The concert was during the week on one of my busiest mom days (music lessons for three of the four kids and then a Girl Scout meeting). And the ticket wasn’t free (have you seen the price of concert tickets lately???)

So I had a decision to make.

I could have easily said, “This isn’t the right time.”
“I have too much going on.”
“I’ll catch him next time.”

But instead, I chose joy.

I figured out the schedule.
I spent the money.
And I went.

And let me tell you… I had the best time. Even watching the videos days later still brings me joy.

Now, that’s a big moment. But creating joy doesn’t always have to look like a concert. Sometimes it’s as simple as pouring a cup of coffee and sitting down with a good book, taking a moment to pause instead of pushing through, or buying yourself flowers just because.

Last October, we took one of our sons to his Boy Scouts meeting. While we waited, I took the younger twins to a coffee shop for hot chocolate. As we stepped outside, I noticed a small flower truck, the kind that always feels like a little bit of joy on wheels. So I bought my mom flowers, just because.

Small choices. Intentional moments.

This week, I want you to carve out time to do something for you.

Don’t wait for the “right” moment, because if you’re anything like me, that moment rarely just appears.

I used to say, “When my schedule frees up, I’ll…”
But my schedule doesn’t magically clear itself.

So now, I make the time.
I create the moment.
I choose the joy.

Happiness may come from the outside. But joy is an inside job.

And you deserve that.

So as Joyce Meyer says: Eat the cookie. Buy the shoes.

Until next week,

“The purpose of life is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experience.”

-Maya Angelou

Friday morning, I went with my mom and sister to see You, Me and Tuscany. I had watched a few interviews and heard the story about how important it was to support this movie, so I made sure to buy my ticket and go early on opening weekend.

If you haven’t seen the movie, I won’t give you any spoilers or say anything you can’t see in the trailer.

Here is a description of the premise of the movie:

Why I loved it:

There was a lot of joy in the film, but also a good lesson: sometimes you abandon your dreams for good reason. But a pause doesn’t mean full stop.

The movie also showed what happens when you choose to live instead of merely exist. I know I don’t just want to merely exist in my life and on this earth. I want to LIVE, honey!!! I want to feel the excitement of life. I want to experience her zeal and joy and triumph. Because we don’t have to work very hard to feel life’s pain, hurt, and disappointment. That’s why I intentionally try to design a life I love.

How to Design a Life You Love

Now let’s be clear, designing a life you love doesn’t mean you wake up tomorrow, quit your job, and book a one-way ticket to Tuscany (although… not opposed 😂).

It’s not about escaping but being intentional within your life. Below are a few tips:

Get honest about what you actually enjoy.
Not what looks good. Not what sounds impressive.
What makes you feel light? What makes you feel like you?

Stop volunteering for things that drain you.
Some of what’s exhausting you… you said yes to (if I stepped on your toe here just say ouch because I just said ouch too).
Not everything can go, but everything deserves a second look.

Create moments, not just milestones.
Life isn’t just the big trips and big wins. Those are great but don’t forget the small, everyday moments that make you feel alive.

And most importantly:

Decide that your life should feel good to you.
Not just manageable. Not just productive. But good. And only you are the judge of that.

It’s Okay to Work at Joy

People often tell me that I’m a happy person and I’m always smiling. And I genuinely am a naturally happy person. But I definitely experience the pain, hurt, and disappointment of life, too. Especially as an adult. So I work hard at the joy part. I intentionally try to put myself in spaces where I can get inspiration, enjoyment, or fulfillment. Because what’s the point of voluntarily being somewhere if you’re not making an impact or enjoying what you do?

And this may be good or bad, but I choose not to be around people who make life hard. If I can remove you without it being a “to do,” I will. Because life is too short to just be walking around here miserable when you can do something about it.

I’ve been this way for as long as I can remember. If I didn’t have it, I created it. I lived my life as I wanted to live it. Most of the time, it was as simple as that. It’s a little different now that I have to be a responsible adult at times (boring!) but I still try to find moments in life where I can just be free.

Food for the Soul: Ready to Journal?

1. What is one dream, big or small, that you put off that you could pick back up today?

2. Where are you choosing comfort over joy?

3. What are three steps you can take to start designing the life you want?

Food for the Body: Ready to Cook?

Now that you’ve had food for the soul, how about some real food?

Did you enjoy the recipe I shared last week? In honor of Tuscany, I thought I would share a fresh pasta recipe. I made fettuccine noodles from scratch, and honestly, the box brands just don’t compare.

I made this without tools, but if you have a pasta maker, go for it!

Video and recipe below.

ALL-PURPOSE FLOUR RECIPE

• 2 cups all-purpose flour, plus more for dusting

• 1 pinch kosher salt

• 2 large eggs

• 6 large egg yolks

• 1 tablespoon extra-virgin olive oil

HOW TO MAKE THE PASTA

1. On a clean, sturdy work surface, turn out your chosen flour(s) and salt and make a large well in the center with your hands.

2. Whisk the eggs, egg yolks, and olive oil together in a medium bowl until combined, then pour the mixture into the well.

3. Using the same fork, whisk the eggs, slowly incorporating more and more flour into the eggs by moving your fork along the edges of the well.

4. Once almost all of the flour is incorporated, start bringing the dough together with your hands. (The dough should be malleable, but not sticky–add more flour if the dough is sticking too much to your hands or the surface. Alternatively, if it’s too dry and tough, whisk another egg with 1 tablespoon of water and use your hand to sprinkle some of the mixture over the dough, continuing to do so until the dough is easier to knead.)

5. Knead the dough for 7–10 minutes, until smooth and elastic. When you poke the dough, it should spring back.

6. Wrap the dough in plastic wrap and let rest at room temperature for 30 minutes to an hour, or until the dough does not spring back when poked.

7. Unwrap the dough and cut into 8 equal pieces so that it’s easier to work with. Take 1 piece and wrap the rest in the plastic wrap so that they don’t dry out.

8. Lightly flour your work surface and begin rolling out the piece of dough into one long piece. Then, fold the top third down, and the bottom third over that, like a letter. Rotate the dough 90˚ and roll the piece back into a long shape. This helps form a more even rectangular shape and makes the dough a little bit easier to work with.

9. Continue rolling out the dough until it is very thin. When you lift the dough, you should be able to see your hands through it.

10. Fold the top and bottom of the rectangle to meet in the middle, then fold over again--this will make the dough easier to cut. Cut the dough to your ideal shape. Loosen or unravel the cut dough immediately, so it doesn’t stick, sprinkle with a bit of extra flour, or semolina, if using. Let the pasta sit out for about 30 minutes to dry out slightly.

11. Bring a large pot of heavily salted water to a boil. Add the pasta and stir to ensure it doesn’t clump. Cook for 2–3 minutes, or 30–60 seconds after the pasta comes to the surface (fresh pasta will cook much faster than dried pasta!). Take out a noodle and taste for doneness. Once cooked to your liking, remove the pasta from the water, being sure to save at least 1 cup (240 mL) of the pasta cooking water.

12. Add the cooked pasta into your preferred sauce and stir to coat, adding some of the reserved pasta water if needed to add a bit of body and silkiness to the sauce.

Joanna Gaines makes this delicious cream of mushroom sauce with crepes but it’s a good sauce to use with the fettuccine. Below is the recipe.

HOW TO MAKE THE CREAM OF MUSHROOM SAUCE

• 3 tablespoons unsalted butter

• 1 pound sliced baby bella mushrooms

• 2 garlic cloves, minced

• 1 cup heavy cream

• 1/2 cup chicken broth

• 1 1/2 teaspoons garlic salt

• 3/4 teaspoon ground white pepper

• 1/4 cup grated Parmesan cheese

• 2 cups baby spinach

• 2 cups shredded cooked chicken breast (home-roasted or rotisserie chicken)

Directions

1. To make the filling and sauce: In a large skillet, heat the butter over medium-high heat. Add the mushrooms and cook in one layer, without disturbing, until browned, about 4 minutes. Flip and continue cooking until tender and browned, stirring occasionally, about 5 minutes.

2. Add the garlic and stir constantly until fragrant, about 1 minute. Stir in the cream, chicken broth, garlic salt, and white pepper and simmer, stirring occasionally to check the consistency, until thickened, 5 to 8 minutes. Add the Parmesan and stir until smooth and melted.

Until next week,

Brie

A year ago on Resurrection Sunday, I published my very first Sunday Dinner post. It was about bringing back the parts of ourselves that had gone quiet. About remembering who we were before we became “so-and-so’s mom” or buried our dreams under to-do lists.

I didn’t send out a post every single week. But I showed up. And you showed up with me. I don't take it lightly.

That’s worth celebrating.

For my paid subscribers:

Almost two years ago, I designed a set of hand-drawn greeting cards that I use personally to send to friends and family. Today, I’m sending them to you.

If you’re a monthly or annual paid subscriber, you’re getting a set of cards in the mail. My annual subscribers will also get the set in the other colors available (red and white, plus pink and green). I’ll reach out personally to make sure I have your mailing address.

And if you’re not yet a monthly or annual subscriber, no worries you can subscribe by clicking the buttons below.

And speaking of “no worries, mon”…

For everyone who reads when you can:

I have something for you too.

Speaking of “Sunday Dinner,” today on this Easter Sunday I made a Jamaican feast: oxtails, peas and rice, and jerk chicken. My mom also cooked cabbage and mac and cheese to go with the meal.

So how about I share my famous (to my family) oxtail recipe?

Brie’s Oxtails

• ¼ cup light brown sugar

• 1 tablespoon soy sauce

• 1 tablespoon Worcestershire sauce

• 1 tablespoon salt

• 2 teaspoons garlic powder

• 1 teaspoon black pepper

• 1 teaspoon ground allspice

• 2 tablespoons vegetable oil

• 1 yellow onion, chopped

• 1 tablespoon garlic, chopped

• Beef broth

Now I have to be honest with you: I cook from the soul, so I have no idea how much of these ingredients I really add. Like Rachael Ray used to say, “I just eyeball it.” But I looked at other recipes and here’s about how much the others add.

I add all of these ingredients (minus the beef broth) to my clean and dry oxtails. Then I brown them in my Dutch oven, and once they’re browned, I add the beef broth. If needed, I top off the pot with a bit more water.

It’s sooooo good. If you decide to make them, let me know.

Thanks for building this community with me. It’s been a great year. See you next week! Feel free to message me or leave a comment. Buttons below.

À bientôt,

~ Brie

Leave a comment

I also told you about the research. About Dr. Maslach’s work showing that burnout comes from chronic stress that never lets up. About how mothers carrying the mental load experience burnout at rates that rival healthcare workers in crisis. About how high-achievers like us, the ones who pride ourselves on being capable, are often the last ones to see it coming.

But here’s what I didn’t tell you: even knowing all of that, I still almost blew my chance at recovery.

Let me explain.

The sabbatical that wasn’t

In December, I did something I’ve never done before. I took the entire month of December off.

During the first week, my mother, sister, and I boarded a plane to visit Europe: Barcelona, Milan, and Paris. It was absolutely fantastic. But because I wasn’t sure when I’d get back to Europe again, or if I’d ever take another sabbatical, we packed that trip to the brim. We barely rested. We went to bed late then would wake up early to catch flights to the next city.

For example, in Milan, we had a cooking class that went until 10 PM, then had to wake up at 2 AM to catch a flight to Paris. We were moving constantly. It was enjoyable, I don't regret it, but we barely slept."

Then I came home to Christmas. You know how that goes. Gifts for the kids. Gifts for the kids’ teachers and Girl Scout leaders. Gifts for your spouse, your parents, your siblings, neighbors, just anyone you think should get a gift for good cheer. And since I was working up to the last minute before I boarded the plane for my trip to Europe, I didn’t decorate the house for the holidays, so I was full speed ahead to catch up.

And my Jack and Jill work didn’t stop just because I was on sabbatical. Leadership doesn’t pause for December.

Then a client called about a new business opportunity. She wanted me to be a big part of it, and I wanted to show her I was serious. So I took meetings. Worked on proposals. Did research for the position, even though I told her I was taking the month of December off.

By the time my “sabbatical” ended, I had been on a restless (but fantastic) trip to Europe, managed Christmas for an entire family, kept up with my community leadership responsibilities, and worked on a major business proposal (spoiler alert: the business deal didn’t work out so there was zero return on that investment).

My point is: I never actually rested. Not in Europe. Not at Christmas. Not during the business deal work. I filled every single moment of my time off with something: travel, obligations, ambition, work.

Taking the sabbatical and not taking it resulted in the same outcome in terms of rest: I got none.

If I had actually protected that time, if I had gone to Europe and built in rest days, said no to some of the Christmas obligations, put Jack and Jill work on pause where I could, and turned down the client meetings, I would have what I desperately needed. Instead, I have great memories of Europe (still don’t regret it), gifts under the tree (will never regret that), a completed proposal that went nowhere (lesson learned), and zero recovery.

And most of you reading this don't even have the option I had. You can't take a month off. Your responsibilities are ongoing. So if I couldn't recover even WITH a month off, how do you recover when stopping isn't an option at all? That's what the research taught me.

My mom jokes that if it were her time to go on to glory, she can’t die in peace because there’s too much she still has to manage. She can’t even die right now if she wanted to, she says. We laugh about it. But to some degree, that’s what burnout feels like. Even when someone gives you time off, even when you plan time off, or you need time off, you just keep going because there’s always something else. Because you’re ambitious. Because people are counting on you. Because you’re not sure when you’ll get another chance.

That’s what we’re here to talk about today.

What the research says actually works

So because I’m not an expert on recovering from burnout, let me start with the truth the research makes very clear: recovery from burnout is possible, but it doesn’t happen by accident. And it doesn’t happen by just “trying harder” or “pushing through.”

An 8-week cognitive behavioral stress management program for parents, tested in a rigorous study published in the International Journal of Clinical and Health Psychology in 2023, showed significant reductions in parental burnout that were still present three months after the program ended. The program worked not because parents stopped being parents, but because they learned specific skills: how to manage stress differently, how to regulate their emotions, and perhaps most importantly, how to practice what the researchers call “unconditional self-kindness.”

That last intrigued me. Unconditional self-kindness. Not self-care as bubble baths and face masks. Self-kindness as a practice of not beating yourself up for being human.

Another study published in 2024 tested two different interventions for parental burnout, one based on mindfulness and compassion, the other on restoring balance between stressors and resources. Both worked. Both reduced burnout significantly. And both were delivered in group settings, which tells us something important: we’re not supposed to do this alone.

Here’s what else the research shows: the strategies that work aren’t about removing all stress from your life (impossible) or achieving perfect balance (also impossible). They’re about building what researchers call “resources” to match your “demands.”

Think of it like this: if what's on your plate is heavy, but you can't take stuff off, you have to get a bigger plate or stronger plate to be able to support what's on it.

Real strategies for women who still have to show up

So what does that actually look like? Let me break it down, not in theory, but in practice.

1. Stop over-functioning (even in small ways)

Research consistently shows that one of the biggest drivers of burnout in mothers is what’s called “cognitive household labor”: the invisible mental work of planning, organizing, and managing everything. A 2024 study in the Archives of Women’s Mental Health found that mothers perform 73% of all cognitive household labor, and this imbalance is directly linked to depression, stress, and burnout.

You know what that is, right? It’s remembering the doctor’s appointments. Knowing when the permission slips are due. Tracking who needs what for school, who’s outgrown their shoes, when the car inspection expires.

Even when your partner does the physical task, you’re the one who had to remember it needed doing.

The fix isn’t to do less. It’s to hold less.

Practically, this means: if someone else can manage it, let them manage it, including the mental load. If your partner is taking the kids to practice, they’re also responsible for remembering what time practice is. If someone is grocery shopping, they figure out what’s needed. You are not the family’s external hard drive.

This will feel uncomfortable at first. Things might get dropped. Let them. Because if your kid is late to Cub Scouts that’s a rubber ball, not glass. Meaning it won't break, just bounce, so it’s okay if that one gets dropped during the juggle.

2. Actually protect rest (and learn from my mistake)

I took a sabbatical and filled it with work. Don’t be me.

Rest is not the same as “not working.” Rest is active recovery. Research on burnout recovery shows that breaks only work if they’re actually breaks, meaning you’re not just shifting from one form of labor to another.

And here's the thing research makes clear: rest doesn't mean doing nothing. It means doing things that restore you. Studies show that people who spend at least 20% of their time on hobbies and activities they genuinely enjoy are protected from burnout. That might be knitting, gardening, playing recreational sports, reading for pleasure, or anything that brings you joy without adding stress. Recovery is literally "re-creation." It's about renewing yourself through things that make you feel like yourself again.

For working mothers, this might look like:

• One hour a week that is non-negotiable and yours. Not “if everything else gets done.” Just yours.

• Saying no to one thing per week that you would normally say yes to out of obligation.

• Ending your workday at a specific time and not checking email after that, even if it’s hard.

The evidence is clear: boundaries reduce burnout. But you have to enforce them, even when opportunities knock. Especially when opportunities knock.

3. Get help, and I mean professional help

Eight-week cognitive behavioral stress management programs have been proved to work. Mindfulness-based interventions work. Therapy works.

Research shows that structured support, whether it’s therapy, a formal program, or even an online support group, significantly reduces burnout symptoms.

If you can access therapy, do it. If you can’t, look for online parental burnout support groups (they exist, and research shows they help). If that feels like too much, start with one thing: find one other person who gets it and talk to them regularly.

We are not built to carry this alone. When you feel “crazy” and then you meet other people who are also “crazy”, the crazy feels more normal and manageable.

4. Delegate, and let go of how it gets done

Research on working mothers shows that those who successfully avoid burnout have one thing in common: they delegate, and they stop micromanaging how tasks get done.

You want to know what this looks like in real life? It’s letting your partner dress the kids even if the outfits don’t match. It’s ordering takeout instead of cooking. It’s hiring someone to clean your house if you can manage it in the budget, or asking family to help if you can’t.

It’s recognizing that “only you can do it” is almost never actually true. What’s true is that only you can do it the way you would do it. And that distinction is costing you your health.

5. Practice self-compassion (which is not the same as self-care)

Remember that study I mentioned earlier? The one where unconditional self-kindness was the mechanism that made burnout recovery work?

Self-compassion means treating yourself with the same kindness you’d offer a friend. It means recognizing that you’re doing the best you can with what you have. It means not adding “and I should be doing this better” to everything you do.

This is not soft. This is strategic. Because the research is unambiguous: self-criticism makes burnout worse. Self-compassion makes recovery possible.

Still with me? As your pastor says “and I’m closing here…”

You can’t recover from burnout by doing more. You can’t think your way out of it.

Recovery requires that you actually stop over-functioning long enough to let your nervous system reset. It requires help. It requires letting go of things that don’t actually matter as much as you think they do. And it requires you to believe, really believe, that you are worth protecting.

You are a human being who deserves to feel like herself again.

My sabbatical taught me that. I could have rested. I chose not to, because I thought the business opportunity mattered more. And I was wrong.

The opportunity I should have been protecting was the one to recover. To reset. To remember what it feels like to wake up and not already be tired.

That opportunity? It’s still there. For you and for me.

But we have to choose it. On purpose. Even when it’s uncomfortable. Especially when it’s uncomfortable.

What now?

If you’re reading this and recognizing yourself, here’s what I want you to do:

Pick one thing from this list. Not all of it. One. Maybe it’s setting a boundary this week. Maybe it’s reaching out to a therapist. Maybe it’s telling your partner, “I need you to own this, not just do it.”

Start small. The research shows that small, sustained changes work better than dramatic overhauls that don’t last.

And if you’re still thinking, “But I can’t, because—”

I hear you. I’m right there with you. But the research is clear, and my body is clear, and your exhaustion is telling you something true:

You can’t keep going like this.

So let’s not.

Let’s recover. One small, uncomfortable, necessary choice at a time.

See you next week.

— Brie

Sources: Urbanowicz et al., “Cognitive Behavioral Stress Management for Parents: Prevention and Reduction of Parental Burnout,” International Journal of Clinical and Health Psychology, 2023; Bayot et al., “Treating Parental Burnout: Impact of a Mindfulness- and Compassion-Based Approach,” MDPI, 2024; Reich-Stiebert et al., “Gendered Mental Labor: A Systematic Literature Review on the Cognitive Dimension of Unpaid Work Within the Household and Childcare,” Sex Roles, 2023; Mental Health America, “Burnout: Signs, Causes, and How to Recover,” 2024.

So let me ask you something…are you burning out or just tired?

Do you always feel tired? Like, no matter how much you sleep you can’t seem to get enough? For the past few months, much of my communication via text, in person or zoom has included the phrase “whew, it’s been busy lately”, or “if I can just get through this week.” I finally told someone the other day “I feel like I’m always saying ‘this week is particularly busy’ so maybe this is just my life now and I need to realize that.

After pushing through and trying to maintain my over-functioning lifestyle, I finally had to ask myself this week: Am I burned out? I did some research and the survey said “DUH, yes girl! Do you see your life??? Me asking that question was like that paparazzi asking Kanye if he is venturing into the fashion industry.

@mushiphopKanye West do you see this coat 🤣💀 #kanyewest #kanye #ye #rap #hiphop

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Immediately I wanted to bring this topic to the Sunday Dinner table because I think a lot of us are living in burnout and calling it something else. We’re calling it tired. We’re calling it a busy season. We’re calling it “this is just what life looks like right now.”

And maybe sometimes that’s true. But I’d like to share what the research says, what I’ve been noticing in myself, and why I think this matters more than we admit.

Tired vs. Burned Out: Why It Matters

Before we go any further, let’s be clear about something: being tired is not the same as being burned out. And the difference matters.

If you’re tired:

• Rest helps. A good night’s sleep, a weekend off, a vacation — you come back feeling better.

• You still feel like yourself. You’re just depleted temporarily.

• Your motivation comes back once you catch your breath.

• The things you love still feel good when you have the energy for them.

If you’re burned out:

• Rest doesn’t fix it. You sleep and wake up exhausted. You take time off and come back feeling the same.

• You don’t recognize yourself. You’re operating, but you’re not there.

• Your motivation is gone, even for things you used to care about deeply.

• Nothing feels good anymore. Not work. Not hobbies. Not even the people you love.

Here’s the simplest way I can put it: Tired is a battery that needs recharging. Burnout is a battery that’s been drained and recharged so many times it won’t hold a charge anymore.

Tired is fixable with rest. Burnout requires intervention.

So if you’ve been telling yourself “I’m just tired” for months — maybe years — and rest isn’t helping? It’s time to consider that something else is happening.

What burnout actually is….according to the people who study it

Dr. Christina Maslach is a psychologist at the University of California, Berkeley, and she has spent decades — decades — studying burnout. She essentially wrote the book on it. Her Maslach Burnout Inventory, developed in 1981, is still considered the standard measurement tool in research today, cited over 200,000 times in the scientific literature. When Dr. Maslach talks about burnout, the field listens.

Here’s what she says: burnout is not just having a bad day. It’s not even having a bad week. Burnout, she explains, is a stress response to chronic stressors — the ones you face not occasionally, but daily, almost without relief. It’s the accumulation of pressure that never fully lets up.

According to Dr. Maslach’s research, burnout shows up in three dimensions. The first is exhaustion — not just being tired, but being emptied. Depleted in a way that sleep doesn’t fix. The second is cynicism — a kind of emotional distance or detachment that develops as a protective mechanism. You stop feeling as invested. You go through the motions. The third is inefficacy — a growing sense that no matter what you do, it doesn’t make a difference. That you are somehow failing, even when you’re working harder than ever.

The World Health Organization officially recognized burnout in 2019 as an occupational phenomenon: a syndrome resulting from chronic, unmanaged stress. But what the researchers have also found is that burnout isn’t confined to the workplace. Dr. Mikolajczak and colleagues at the Université catholique de Louvain have published extensively on parental burnout — and their findings are striking. The same exhaustion, detachment, and sense of ineffectiveness that shows up in the office? It shows up at home too. Especially for the parent who is doing the most. Especially for the one holding everyone else together.

That, my friend, might be you.

And if I’m being honest? It’s me too.

What it looks like in real life, not in a research paper

Burnout is tricky - sneaky even. It doesn’t announce itself. It creeps.

It looks like competence from the outside. You’re still showing up. Still handling things. Still the person everyone calls when something needs to get done.

But inside? It feels like running on a generator that’s almost out of fuel. You’re still producing light, just less of it, and at a higher cost.

I know this because I’ve been living it. I am a business owner. I am a mother of four, two of whom are neurodivergent — which means the parenting manual that exists for most people doesn’t always apply to our house. My husband and I love each other, but we also don’t always see eye to eye, especially when it comes to parenting. I am the primary parent, which means most of the daily decisions, the school calls, the scheduling, the emotional labor, it routes through me. All four of my kids are in (Boy/Girl) Scouts, Jack and Jill, and they play music. I am also a leader in my community, which I love and take seriously. And I am actively working through one of the most complex balancing acts of motherhood: figuring out when to give my kids room to find their voices and their independence, and when to simply say, this time, you listen to me

That is a full life. A rich life. A life I am grateful for.

It is also a life that quietly started burning me out.

The first real signal came last summer. I got the flu. Then COVID. Then — because apparently my body wasn’t done making its point — shingles. All at the same time. But you know what’s really crazy? It’s February now. February. And I’m now feeling the effects of the warning from June.

Since then, I’ve noticed other things. My anxiety is increasing. My patience is decreasing — at home, at work, in my leadership. I’m not giving people the grace I usually give. I’m getting easily irritated and annoyed by things that wouldn’t have bothered me before. I’m forgetting things. Making errors I wouldn’t normally make. And it’s not because I’m not trying to concentrate — it’s because I have so many distractions pulling at me that my nervous system feels like it needs to reset and I don’t know how to make that happen.

This matters to me because I don’t want to mess up at work. My clients are depending on me. And I don’t want to mess up my kids. I don’t want what I’m struggling through to become the thing my kids are working through with a therapist twenty years from now.

And as a leader? Compassion and empathy are everything. That’s what differentiates a leader from a manager. People gravitate toward leaders because they feel seen and understood. Managers are just put in charge. People don’t have to like them, they just have to respect the title. But a leader? A leader earns it through emotional intelligence and relatability. And when you’re burned out, your capacity for empathy shrinks. Your emotional intelligence dulls. You become the kind of leader you never wanted to be.

So I started researching. And what I found confirmed what I already suspected: I’ve been showing classic signs of burnout.

The signs (and why high-achievers miss them)

Dr. Sherrie Bourg Carter, a psychologist who wrote the book High Octane Women: How Superachievers Can Avoid Burnout, says that burnout is one of those road hazards high-achievers rarely see coming. We’re so passionate about what we do, we ignore the fact that we’re working exceptionally long hours, taking on exceedingly heavy workloads, and putting enormous pressure on ourselves to excel. All of which makes us ripe for burnout.

And here’s the sneaky part: burnout doesn’t happen suddenly. You don’t wake up one morning and “have burnout.” It creeps up on you like a slow leak. But our bodies and minds do give us warnings if we know what to look for.

Mental Health America identifies several key signs of burnout:

• Constant exhaustion, no matter how much you rest. Not just tired — depleted. You sleep and wake up tired. You take a weekend and come back feeling the same.

• Dreading responsibilities you once enjoyed. Tasks that used to energize you now feel like burdens. You’re doing them, but the joy is gone.

• Feeling detached, unmotivated, or emotionally numb. This one is tricky because it can feel like you’re finally “handling things better.” But what’s actually happening is emotional withdrawal. You’re present in body, somewhere else in spirit.

• Struggling to focus or making more mistakes than usual. Dr. Bourg Carter notes that forgetfulness and impaired concentration are early signs. Later, the problems escalate to the point where work piles up and you can’t get through it.

• Feeling irritable, anxious, or overwhelmed more often than not. Research consistently shows that emotional reactivity increases as your reserves deplete. You snap at your kids. You feel irrationally annoyed in meetings. You cry in the car and you’re not entirely sure why.

• Physical symptoms like headaches, digestive issues, or muscle tension. Your body keeps the score, even when you’re trying to push through.

And here’s the one that got me: you no longer enjoy activities or responsibilities you once did. Not just at work. Everywhere. The things that used to light you up feel flat. You don’t have a lot of “I can’t wait to—” anymore. You’re just getting through.

Why this hits women differently (especially mothers and leaders)

Research published in Frontiers in Psychology found that mothers who are primary caregivers, especially those managing children with complex needs, experience burnout at rates that parallel healthcare workers in high-stress environments. The emotional labor alone is exhausting in ways that are hard to quantify and easy to minimize.

And for those of us who are neurodivergent or parenting neurodivergent children, Mental Health America notes that there are additional factors at play: sensory overload, the constant work of masking, changes in routine, and working in environments that aren’t built for how our brains actually work.

Add to that a business to run. A community to serve. A marriage to tend. A self that keeps getting put last on the list.

Is it any wonder the flame starts to flicker?

One more thing before I go

Dr. Maslach says plainly and on the record, “The bottom line on burnout is that it is a social phenomenon, not an individual weakness.”

Read that again.

This is not a personal failure. This is information. And information, as any good strategist will tell you, is where every good plan begins.

I’m not writing this to tell you that if you realize that you’ve burned out you have failed. In fact, quite the opposite. You’ve probably succeeded at doing the most.

Recognizing burnout is not defeat. It’s the first step.

Part Two is coming next week. We’re going to talk about what to do when you are burned out. And please know I’m not going to share the “take a bubble bath and journal it out” kind of solutions. We’re going to talk about getting help, delegating without guilt, and asking the people in your life to do their part. Even when it’s uncomfortable to ask.

See you next week.

— Brie

Journal Prompts

1. What would "good enough" look like in your life right now? Where could you lower the bar just a little without everything falling apart?

2. Complete this sentence: "I'm burned out because I've been succeeding at ____________."

3. If burnout is information, not failure, what is it informing you about? What needs to change?

Sources: Dr. Christina Maslach, Professor Emerita of Psychology, University of California, Berkeley (Maslach Burnout Inventory, 1981; “Understanding the Burnout Experience,” World Psychiatry, 2016); World Health Organization, International Classification of Diseases (ICD-11), Burnout as Occupational Phenomenon, 2019; Lebert-Charron et al., “Maternal Burnout Syndrome: Contextual and Psychological Associated Factors,” Frontiers in Psychology, 2018; Dr. Sherrie Bourg Carter, “High Octane Women: How Superachievers Can Avoid Burnout,” 2011; “The Tell-Tale Signs of Burnout,” Psychology Today, 2013; Mental Health America, “Burnout: Signs, Causes, and How to Recover,” 2024.

Now, 17 years into marriage, I have my pair of pennies to add to the conversation. And I’m going to keep it real with y’all and get straight to the point.

The secret to a great marriage is partnership.

When I was young, my idea of marriage came from the movies. My mom and dad were divorced, and I didn’t see any examples of marriage in real life that I wanted to emulate. Most of what I saw was one-sided: one person was the giver and one person was the taker. So unfortunately, I was left with images of Disney princesses, The Cosby Show (I still admire Claire and Heathcliff), and rom-coms.

Needless to say, I was woefully unprepared for marriage. It took some figuring out, but I finally know what this is supposed to look like.

To me, being a husband or being a wife could mean one of a million things to different people. So I could care less about those titles. What’s more important is how those titles show up. Partnership. Life partnership. Having a life partner is what it’s all about. Based on who you are and what you want your life to look like, is the person you want to call husband or wife a good fit for that role? And based on who they are and what they want, are you a good fit for them?

Opposites can feel exciting at first. If you’re high-strung and anxious, someone calm and easygoing might feel like a relief. If you love going out and they prefer staying in, the contrast might feel refreshing. But eventually, you’re going to wish they’d get excited about something—anything—or agree to plan a night out without you having to beg. What felt like balance starts to feel like friction. I think marrying your opposite will eventually be more work than it’s worth.

A partner makes communication easier, and when things get hard, they want to work things out. A real partner is a teammate who shows up for you. They are a good balance—not necessarily opposites.

I love metaphors and have two for you. If you’re both on the same team, you can’t both be the quarterback. Someone has to throw the ball and someone has to catch it. Or if you’re going to run the ball and take it to the end zone, someone should be protecting you and blocking all the obstacles coming your way.

Another example: Think of it like a seesaw. You can’t both sit on one side and expect to rise. You balance. You shift. You stay connected so the whole thing works.

And yes, physical attraction matters (let’s be real). But genuinely liking the person you married? That’s what makes the difference. When you genuinely like your partner, when you want the best for them, when you want to see them happy and actively work to make sure they have what they need, you create something solid. It may not be perfect all the time, but it’s honest and it’s real.

Good marriages are like good performance reviews.

You check in. You evaluate what’s working and do more of that. What’s not working? You do less of it. You adjust, refine, recommit. If both people are invested in making it better—not just for themselves but for the relationship—you’ll go far.

Here’s what I’ve learned about emotional investments:

You can’t withdraw from an account you never deposited into.

Partnerships require deposits. You have to invest time, energy, intention, and love if you expect to see returns. And just like in finance, effort compounds. Consistent kindness builds connection. Small acts of thoughtfulness add up. Showing up when it’s inconvenient creates trust.

The beautiful thing about this? You get to decide where you invest.

You get to choose relationships where both people are making deposits. Where the effort flows both ways. Where you’re not the only one carrying the weight.

This applies to all relationships: romantic partners, friendships, family.

At some point, the people you’ve poured into should start pouring into you. Not because you’re keeping score, but because that’s what healthy relationships look like. Reciprocity should move from transactional to foundational.

And if you find yourself consistently investing in accounts that never give back? That’s information. You get to decide what to do with it.

What the Obamas Say About Marriage

To be Barack and Michelle must be wonderful, right? I think their marriage was put to the test because after all he was President of the United States. That would take a toll on any marriage. But then add the “first black” part, being that he was the First Black President of the United States and Michelle was the First Black First Lady of the United States and Sasha and Malia were the first black kids of the United States. That’s pressure upon pressure upon pressure.

Here is what they had to say about marriage:

On the reality of partnership: "You have to be prepared to have long stretches of discomfort. And [by] long I mean it lasts for years." - Michelle Obama

On marriage being work: “Marriage is hard. It’s a struggle for everyone. You’ve got to know that there are going to be long periods of time when you can’t stand each other... If I had given up on it, if I had walked away from it, in those tough times, then I would’ve missed all the beauty that was there as well.” - Michelle Obama

On staying power: “We’ve been married for 30 years. If I fell out with him for 10 and we had a great 20 years, I’d take those odds anytime.” - Michelle Obama

On genuinely liking your partner: Barack emphasized to Dan Pfeiffer (Pod Save America) the importance of being with someone who makes you laugh and thinking about what kind of parent your partner would make before you get married if you want kids.

My Final Thoughts

And finally, being married to your spouse should feel good. Your spirit, your soul—it should all feel so right that you know you hit the marital jackpot. If that’s you, you’ve got something special. Hold onto it.

What would you tell someone about marriage?

Journal Prompts:

1. Are there relationships where I’m the only one making deposits? What do I want to do about that?

2. Where might I be expecting a return from something I haven’t truly poured into?

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There’s an old saying: “Association breeds assimilation.” And on that evening, surrounded by other beautiful women—mothers, entrepreneurs, wives, dreamers—that phrase hummed quietly in the air. We were all of a certain age, and more importantly, of a certain awareness. Some were reshaping careers. Others were recovering from loss. A few had arrived at that quiet crossroads between motherhood and rediscovering themselves. What we had in common was not ambition alone, but a kind of beautiful recalibration: a desire to be more deliberate about the way we move through the world.

Tamara asked each woman to stand and declare what she wanted for 2026. Not just the goals, but the why underneath them. The answers varied: start the business, slow down, fall in love again, fall in love with ourselves again, etc. But a clear theme emerged: realignment. Not reinvention. Not burnout disguised as hustle. Realignment with who we are and who we intend to be.

But that kind of shift doesn’t happen by accident.

Vision boards are the starting point. They are visual anchors, roadmaps for where we want to go and how we want to feel along the way. But the map means nothing without movement. That’s where systems come in. It’s not enough to wish for something . You have to carve out space for it, build scaffolding around it, protect it like something precious.

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For example, one of the visions I carried into 2025 was learning French—not casually, not one day, but fluently. That vision became a system when I signed up for weekly lessons on Preply and blocked off every Monday at 10 a.m. That’s the system. That’s how desire becomes discipline.

Want to lose weight? Posting gym selfies won’t cut it. You need a plan: when you’ll move your body, what you’ll eat, how you’ll stay accountable. Want to grow your social media presence? Start by getting clear: which platforms, how often, what content. Then put it in motion. Schedule the shoot. Write the captions. Pick a day to post.

If we want our lives to look different, we have to move differently. With intention. With strategy. With systems.

Because clarity without consistency is just a pretty idea. And in 2026, we’re not decorating dreams, we’re building them.

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So How Do You Build a System?

You don’t need fancy software (though I love a good app) or a 90-day productivity journal (and I also LOVE a good journal) to build a system. You just need structure, consistency, and a little bit of honesty about your time. Here’s a simple process you can use again and again for any goal.

1. Define the What (Your Goal)
What do you want to accomplish specifically?
Examples:

• Learn conversational French

• Walk three times a week for better health

• Post consistently on Instagram

• Save $1,000 for a trip
  Avoid vague goals like “get healthy” or “be better at social”—get clear and focused.

2. Identify the Why (Your Reason)
Why does this goal matter to you right now?
Knowing your why gives you staying power when motivation fades.
Example:

“I want to learn French because I see myself living or traveling more abroad.”
“I want to grow my Instagram to increase my visibility for clients.”

3. Choose the When (Your Time Commitment)
Be realistic. How much time can you actually give to this each week?
Block it off like an appointment.
Example:

• Mondays at 10 a.m. for French lessons

• 20 minutes after dinner for journaling

• Batch content creation every Saturday morning

4. Break It Down (Your Mini Tasks)
What specific actions move this forward?
Break your goal into bite-sized, repeatable tasks.
Example for social media:

• Monday: Outline content ideas

• Tuesday: Film 2 reels

• Wednesday: Edit

• Thursday: Write captions

• Friday: Schedule posts

5. Set Up the Tools or Support (Your Environment)
Do you need an app, a coach, a babysitter, or a designated workspace?
Prepare now so it’s easier to stay consistent later.
Examples:

• Preply for language lessons

• Canva for content creation

• Google Calendar alerts

• Walking shoes by the door

6. Measure What Matters (Your Progress Check-ins)
How will you know it’s working?
Create a small weekly check-in:

• Did I show up?

• What worked?

• What didn’t?

• Do I need to adjust the system?

7. Give Yourself Grace (Your Humanity)
Perfection isn’t the goal—progress is.
Missed a week? Adjust and get back in.
Your system should serve you, not the other way around.

✨ Systems don’t replace dreams. They make your dreams real.

Journal Prompts

1. What do I want for my life in 2026?

2. What systems can I set up to actually make them happen?

3. What part of my daily/weekly routine is supporting my vision? What part of my routine is pulling me away from it? What’s one small change I can make this week?

And in case you missed it, here is the piece I wrote write before this one.

Because I realized something the other night: I’ve been working hard—goals on paper, strategy in place, vision board in full color. I even had a whole word for the year. But somehow… toward October 2025, I still felt like I was doing all the things, but not necessarily the right things. Honestly, I wasn’t even sure if I was doing some of the right things I’d hope to do.

I did make some shifts. I slowly adjusted my routine to make more time for my love of travel and culture. I met with my French tutor, Carole, nearly every week to improve my French. I even visited Europe twice this year—once in February and again in December.

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Outside of my travel goals, I’ve been in constant motion, working my butt off, but I keep wondering: am I really making progress? Are the goals I’ve set actually leading me toward the person I want to become? Are the items on my list reflections of who I am now… or who I thought I wanted to be?

And that’s when it hit me:

In 2026, the assignment is realignment.

Let me explain.

You ever use GPS to get somewhere you’ve never been? You punch in the address, start following the turn-by-turn directions. At first, you’re locked in, checking each exit, watching for turns, adjusting the volume so you don’t miss anything.

But then… you get on the highway, maybe crank up your music or listen to a podcast and eventually you zone out. You stop checking. You forget to listen. Maybe you even think you know the way. And suddenly, you’ve passed your exit. That nudge that was supposed to tell you to turn here, you missed it.

So, you’re still driving, sure. Still burning gas. Still covering miles. But you’re going the wrong way. You’re no closer to where you meant to be. And maybe by the time you realized something isn’t quite right, you are miles away.

That’s what some of Q4 felt like for me. Did you feel that way, or perhaps still do?

Somehow we got out of alignment with where we wanted to be. We are moving—constantly. We’re busy, booked, blessed (and a little burnt out). We’re working hard, posting content, grinding it out. But are we actually aligned with where we said we wanted to go?

That’s the real question.

Motion ≠ Progress

Just because you’re moving doesn’t mean you’re making progress. And heaven forbid we get off track by looking at what progress someone else is making and start the comparison trap. So you shift what you were doing a bit or abandon your route all together.

There’s a reason folks say, “Run your race.” You have to drive your drive.

That’s a discussion for another day so I’ll stay focused with today’s point.

And to be honest, maybe where you were going initially, isn’t where you need to go now.

Realignment Means Checking Your Internal Map

You’ve been hustling, but for what? You’ve been making moves, but toward where?

Maybe the goals you set last year still make sense. But maybe they don’t. Maybe they were designed by who you were, but not who you are now.

Maybe the storm you’ve been weathering has changed you. Maybe you’ve grown. Or maybe you’ve just been stuck in traffic with everyone else, too afraid to take the exit, too tired to find a new way.

Whatever the case, the solution isn’t always to create a new vision board or new goals this year. The answer may be to revisit the old one and ask:

• Does this still align with who I am?

• Is this still where I want to go?

• Am I honoring what matters most right now?

• And if I didn’t reach the goals that still have meaning to me, why not? Where did I get off track?

Realign. Reroute. Adjust the course. Turn down the distractions and turn up the volume up on your internal GPS and get back on track.

This year you don’t have to start from scratch. You may only need to get honest about where you are… and where you’re going.

And once you realign let’s talk about how you can not only create your goals but get them done. That will be a story for another day.

Until next time.

Journal Prompt

• Looking at my goals for 2025, which of them still means a great deal to me to realize?

• What do I need to do to reach this goal?

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I’d say she comes like a thief in the night…
But time is audacious and certainly not intimidated by you.
She doesn’t need to wait until you’re not looking.
She’ll rob you of your most precious moments right in front of your face.

And she dares you to do something about it.

This week, we kicked off one of our favorite Christmas traditions: baking chocolate chip cookies, pouring glasses of cold milk, and writing letters to Santa. (Yes, my 15 year-olds still write their letters to Santa but they know Santa is me.)

I’ve been wanting to reclaim the holidays for years now. I always say I want to slow down, to take it in… but by mid-December I’m usually buried in to-dos and blink my way into January. Not this year.

This December, I’m taking a sabbatical.

Because time is precious. She doesn’t pause. She doesn’t circle back. If you don’t honor her, she will keep going - with or without you.

While I still have four kids under my roof—two who still believe in Santa, and two who are in 10th grade and maybe just two years from leaving home—I want to savor these years. Because once they are gone, I can’t have them back. In the future, what will matter to me most isn’t how much I got done—but how present I was.

So I made a decision: I’m slowing all the way down.

Just to be clear, I actually LOVE to work. I’m so fortunate to be a business owner who has an incredible career where I get to be creative. Professionally, I’m ending 2025 with a bang: I’m wrapping up work for two beauty brands, a tv and film actor and editing the final episodes of a podcast with two successful women in business and sports. I’m truly blessed. And I want it to stay that way. I want to stay creative and loving my career and don’t want to burn out. So this time off is going to be great for me, not just personally, but professionally too.

To kick things off, on December 3, I’m heading to Europe—one of my favorite places in the world—to start my sabbatical and soak in the season on purpose. Not rushing. Not producing. Not performing. Just… being. Well, I might be creating. Actually, I’m pretty sure of it. I can’t seem to shake that, haha. And I love it. I love to be creative. So yes, I’ll still take photos and videos and capture content. But that’s part of my self-care.

Do you have moments of nostalgia for something that’s not yet gone? For example, I’m already missing the tiny versions of my kids. Sometimes I scroll through old pictures and wish that time would slow down because they are growing so fast. Having an older set of twins and a younger set gives me this rare, layered view of time. I can see what’s ahead while holding what’s still here. And I don’t want to miss either.

What about you?

If you’re reading this and you’re in a season of hustle, I hope you’ll carve out even a sliver of stillness. A Saturday afternoon. A Tuesday morning. A walk, a bath, a story, a cookie. Whatever it is, make it matter.

You may not have a whole month to unplug. But I hope you can find the moments to make this season count.

Journal Prompt:

What’s one small but meaningful way I can slow down this week and be fully present? What is time trying to teach me right now?

Well, thanks to our old friend the pandemic, we fell out of the tradition of going every year. And once you fall out of routine, it’s hard to get back. Life changes. Kids grow. Schedules shift. And I’ll admit, there were years I was so busy with my projects that even when I planned fall activities, I couldn’t follow through. That’s real.

But I love spending time with my family, holiday stuff especially. I don’t know why it brings me so much joy (because it can be incredibly dreadful and draining getting everyone out of the house, JESUS!) but it does. It fills my heart. Maybe it’s because, for a few sweet moments, we get to pause the noise and just be together.

This year, the calendar almost beat me. Between my daughter’s band schedule (which is no joke), Boy Scouts, Girl Scouts, Cub Scouts, music lessons, Jack and Jill activities and the usual work-life chaos, I almost gave up on the idea. But I found a small window — the last Sunday in October — and I claimed it.

Let me tell you: most of them really didn’t want to go. The older twins were not feeling it. My husband never wants to go. So yes, I forced three out of six people into the car. The little twins were excited… in theory. But instead of getting dressed they were having a full-blown rage party in their room. Once we got to the farm, my older son grumbled and asked if I had forced him to come.

I said, “Yes. Yes, I did. But you’re going to have a good time anyway. You have 24 hours in the day. Can I have one or two of them for some fall family fun?”

It was a rough start, but I was determined to enjoy myself and force everyone else to do the same.

Miracles do happen because somewhere between the hayride, the funnel cakes, and the apple cider donuts, something shifted. It was like that scene from The Grinch Who Stole Christmas — when his heart starts to grow. I saw that in every one of them. My husband went along with the program. The big kids started smiling. The little kids didn’t want to leave.

The best part? Grandma came along. And for once, I got to be in the photos too. That doesn’t usually happen because I’m the one trying to savor the memories with my iPhone.

As we left the farm, I looked around at my people — the smiles, the crumbs on their jackets, the dirt on their shoes — and thought, we did it! We all went and actually had a good time. I didn’t have to kill any child or man in the making of this family adventure, LOL!

We don’t get a ton of time together as a family of six. But I’m so glad I fought for this day. I’m sure they won’t remember all the maneuvering and mental duress I went through to make it happen. But the pictures and video will be proof that we went…and they all had a good time.

Food for the Soul:

Sometimes joy isn’t spontaneous. Sometimes it’s scheduled. Sometimes it’s forced. But that doesn’t make it any less real.

And even if no one thanks you now — mama, wife, keeper of the calendar — one day, the memories will remind them (and you) that it was all worth it.

Journal Prompt:

What moments have you had to fight for lately? What’s one joy you can insist on this week, even if it means forcing a little fun. Because it’s worth it if you enjoy it.

Summer has officially started in my house—and it started with a BANG. But not necessarily in a good way.

My youngest daughter has been afraid of “sickness” ever since COVID. If anyone coughs around her—or heaven forbid, vomits—she has an absolute, uncontrollable meltdown. Well, I think she was the first to get sick right as school was coming to an end. She mentioned some of her classmates were sick, so she wore a mask at school... but I think it was too late.

Then she gave it to her older sister, who gave it to her twin brother, who gave it to my husband—who gave it to me.

But my oldest son was the only one who actually had a fever.

I took him to the ER when the fever wouldn’t go down, and we found out he had Flu B.

Fast forward a few days: my throat starts to feel sore. I figured I had the same “cold” the girls had since I didn’t have a fever, so I brushed it off. But days later, it wasn’t getting any better.

I had a client project coming up in Atlanta (I live near Charlotte, NC), and I was so excited about it. I had about three days to get better before I had to travel. And three days later—though I wasn’t completely well—I felt good enough (really, it just felt like an annoying cold). I booked my hotel, rented my car, and made my way there.

But because I wanted to be sure I wasn’t sick-sick—even though it felt minor—I went to Urgent Care the day I arrived.

Well, y’all...

Not only did I find out my son had given me Flu B, but I also had COVID. So one (or both) of my girls must’ve had COVID, too. I recorded the moment right after I found out.

I was so disappointed. I had to call my client and let them know I couldn’t make it—even though I was only six minutes away from the project, sitting in a hotel room.

And then... you won’t believe what happened next.

My mom had come with me to Atlanta. She has Lupus, so I wore a mask the entire way there and back. But on the drive home, the left side of my nose started itching. The next day, my nose looked like a strawberry. And the day after that? Even worse.

I decided to head back to Urgent Care, and lo and behold—the Nurse Practitioner took one look at me and said, “Ummmm, I think you have shingles.”

SHINGLES???

Are you keeping track here?
Flu B. COVID. Shingles.
All in the span of one week.

In text threads with my Jack and Jill moms and my own mom, they all said the same thing:

Your body is trying to tell you something. And when you don’t listen—it makes you listen.

I’ve been burning the candle at both ends for a while now. I was desperately looking forward to a big slowdown… but I didn’t make time for it.

Did you catch that?
Not get time—make time.

I trained my body to be a machine. But it’s not a machine. I’m not the Energizer Bunny (dating myself here). You can keep going, and going and going when it’s a sprint, but not a marathon.

I love working. I love doing all the things. But it’s so important to make time for rest. Honestly, most of my inability to slow down comes from motherhood and that mental load I mentioned in my last post. These past few weeks, my kids have taken turns being sick—and taken turns wrapping up music recitals, Girl Scout events, end-of-year activities, recording videos for their YouTube, starting Martial Arts, etc. And I’ve been doing my best to manage it all. If you ask me, it’s not easy but I absolutely get it done.

My little Brownie just bridged to a Junior. She also participated in her first cheer camp. She loves it.

And the little guy wanted to try out Martial Arts. Here he, allegedly doing a sit up, haha.

My oldest son is missing from the action but he’s definitely had his share of the pie. He has to go to summer school for an extended school year so I’ve been helping him get through his classes.

Again, you can only operate at 100% for so long before you need to recharge.
I think the weight of the mental load caused more stress on my body than I knew. And stress is one of those things you may not feel right away—but it’s absolutely attacking your body behind the scenes.

So family—as I try to slow down as much as possible and readjust to maintain balance in my life, I just want to say this:

Check in with yourself.
Check in with your heart.
Check in with your mind.
And especially—check in with your body.

Because I believe what I’m experiencing isn’t just physical. It’s the result of mental and emotional wear and tear, too.

Take inventory, family. Make sure you’re okay.
I know a lot of people are counting on you—and that’s all the more reason to take time to fill your own cup.

My birthday is coming up in July, and I’m planning to take a day or two for a little solo retreat. If you have a favorite retreat spot, drop it in the comments!

And while you’re at it, let me know how you’re doing.

Take care of yourselves.

If you’re anything like me—a mother, a wife, a business owner, a leader, a friend—you are managing way more than any one person reasonably should. It’s not enough that you are doing all the things, you’re thinking about the tasks, planning the tasks, remembering the tasks on your list and probably for everyone else. It’s like your brain has 87 tabs open.

“What are we eating for dinner?”
“Did I RSVP to that school event?”
“Did I reschedule that dentist appointment?”
“Did I drink all 1,243 galls of water today?”
“Did I remind my client about that important deadline?”
“Did I pay the bill?”

The mental load is invisible—but it’s heavy. And when it builds up? It leads to decision fatigue.

So What Is Decision Fatigue?

It’s the exhaustion that comes from making too many decisions. What to eat, what to wear, which email to answer first, which child needs attention, what your next move should be in life and business. Every decision takes energy. And when you make hundreds a day, your brain starts to short-circuit.

That’s when you start avoiding even the simplest choices or overcompensating with perfectionism. You could even start to experience burnout or depression (been there, done that).

Hours before writing this, I had a strong disagreement with my husband—and it was all about the mental load and the imbalance of parenting when the kids are out of school for a half day. Let me tell you: today was draining.

We both work from home so when the kids are home, as the primary parent, they come to me for EVERYTHING. I’m the parent that says yes the most so when they need something, I’m sure they stop and think about which parent most likely to give in. Then, they have their Ken Jeong moment.

The kids had half days this week. Mom comes to help three days a week but the half days were not her days. She’s retired and I really try not to ask her to come and help me on her “days off” when she already gives so much. So I’m running a game plan in the background, wondering how I am going to keep the kids occupied while I try to manage my workload that was increasingly heavy this week.

Actress Ryan Michelle Bathe has a podcast with her husband, actor Sterling K. Brown called, We Don’t Always Agree. Here is her take on invisible labor.

And I think the mental load / invisible labor gets really hard when the Mom also works but doesn’t have the support she needs at home. Sometimes I joke around in my head and think about how different things would be if I had a “wife” at home. MAANNNNNNN, I could be invincible if I had a wife at home, haha.

Then there is also the general lack of awareness for what it takes to run the household and try to raise healthy, positive, productive kids. Sometimes, I feel like I’m drowning.

So let’s shift to what we can do about easing the mental load and also decision fatigue.

How to Lighten the Mental Load

Make the Invisible, Visible

Summer is coming up, which presents it’s own set of challenges in my house. The kids have camp off and on but during the weeks they are home, it’s going to be important to be proactive. So, one way to lighten the mental load is write down all that needs to be done. Sure you can use a checklist or make a note in your phone. Even if you have to get printer paper and write down each task on makeshift flashcards and then sit with your spouse and divvy up the list, then that’s what needs to be done. Get it out of your head and onto some paper. Then you both can visually see everything that needs to be done and split the tasks.

Establish Routines and Systems

One of my friends, Bonika Wilson, is a business women, author, speaker, community leaders, wife and mother. She has an Amazon #1 Best Selling book called Marriage Business and often shares some of what’s worked for her on her social media channel. One thing I learned from her is the importance of family meetings. We’ve had a family meeting in my house before I learn her strategy, but she taught me some effective was to be successful. Getting in the routine of a family meeting can help set the tone and expectations for the week.

Another example of routines to make things easier is to adopt themed nights to make meal planning easier. We have Mexican Mondays at my house so each week we know it’s going to be tacos or quesadillas. Now I must admit, one of my daughters is getting sick of this (and I am too) but you can always adjust a routine where needed. I found meal planning to be super helpful. I think it about what to cook once a week and then I just follow the plan. No more thinking here until the next week.

Encourage Independence in Children

I must admit, I think I was better at this when my kids were younger. But somehow they’ve regressed in this area. The more independent your children are, the lighter your mental load. When children chip in and help out around the house, it’s better for them and for you too. I saw this video about how the French raise their children. I found it interesting. What do you think about this? You may already be doing this too.

And to combat decision fatigue….

• Simplify Choices: Limit options where possible. For example, streamline your wardrobe to reduce daily outfit decisions. Steve Jobs wore the same outfit (a black turtleneck, blue jeans, and New Balance sneakers) every day as a way to reduce decision fatigue and free up mental energy for more important tasks. He believed that making fewer daily decisions would allow him to focus on the big picture and innovation. This uniform also became his signature style, a memorable part of his personal brand.

• Automate Decisions: Set up systems that reduce the need for daily choices, such as automatic bill payments or meal plans. Meal planning has really helped me.

• Make Important Decisions Early: Tackle significant decisions when you're most alert, typically earlier in the day.

• Delegate Decisions: Allow others to make certain choices, trusting their judgment to alleviate your cognitive load. That could be the kids, your spouse, your team at work, your sitter, the grandparents, whomever you trust.

A Note for the Table

If you're tired, overwhelmed, or just plain done, it’s probably that invisible, mental load. You are managing more than most people can see.

So take some of that weight off. Make a plan and figure out how you can delegate and automate.

Until next time…

So if we’re going to talk about productivity, it needs to be realistic. Not Pinterest-perfect. Not influencer-aesthetic. But real life.

First Things First: Productivity Isn’t About Getting More Done

Let’s start here: the secret to productivity isn’t getting more done. It’s getting the right things done and letting go of the rest.

That’s why last week we talked about resetting. Because before you reach for new tools or try to “optimize” your life, it’s important to ask:

• What needs to stay?

• What needs to go?

• What’s truly worth doing?

Once you’ve reset your intentions, then you can build a routine that helps you do what matters most with clarity and energy.

Small Shifts That Lead to Big Wins

These are the small, realistic shifts that have helped me work better (not just harder). They may seem simple, but stacked over time, they make a huge difference:

Know How (and When) You Work Best

Some of us are morning birds. Others come alive at night. The rest of us might be right in the middle. Productivity gets easier when you stop fighting your natural rhythm.

Ask yourself:

• When do I naturally feel focused?

• When do I tend to hit a slump?

• When do I feel most in the mood to do deep work?

Once you know your flow, build your routine around it. I know I work better in the mornings, so I try to schedule my creative work then and save admin tasks for later.

Use Time Blocking to Stay on Track (Great for Visual Learners)

I make a to-do list and I block time to do the list. This gives me a visual of how my day is actually unfolding. And it helps me see if I’m trying to squeeze 12 hours of work into a six-hour window. (Guilty.)

You can do this in Google Calendar, on paper, or even with the help of AI. I like to plug in my work hours, school runs, meetings, and blocks for creative or focused time. Don’t forget to add buffer zones and breaks too.

Cut Out Distractions (Digital and Otherwise)

Distraction is the enemy of momentum. Some things that help me stay focused:

• Focus mode on my iPhone to block notifications during deep work

• ClickUp to manage my client projects and keep me organized

• Spotify playlists with instrumental music for writing or thinking

• Leaving my phone in another room while I work

Even just putting on a timer for 25 minutes and working distraction-free (a technique called the Pomodoro method) can help you get in the zone. Try this with a 5 minute break for every 25 minutes you work. Then get up and move your body.

Simplify Your To-Do List

One of my favorite practices? The “Top 3.”

At the beginning of the day, I write down the three most important tasks I need to complete. Yes, I may write out 20 things I need to do that day. But then, I make sure to put the top 3 and the top of my list.

This forces me to prioritize and take pressure off the rest. If I get more done? Great. But even if I don’t, I know the essentials are handled.

Eliminate the Unnecessary

If you’re feeling unproductive, ask: Is my plate too full? When you’re spending too much time on things you don’t need to do, you won’t have energy left for the things you actually want to do.

Every “yes” to something that drains you is a “no” to something that fuels you. Learn to say no without guilt. You don’t need to explain. You don’t need to be mean. Just firm. And clear. Boundaries baby.

Create a Setting That Supports Your Flow

Sometimes, the environment makes all the difference.

A clean workspace. A lit candle. A playlist that makes you feel like you’re the main character. A small treat on your desk (I’m not above a chocolate incentive).

These tiny comforts are called energizers. In Feel-Good Productivity, Ali Abdaal writes:

“The most productive people aren’t the ones who work the hardest. They’re the ones who know how to feel good while working.”

Let that sink in. You don’t need to suffer to succeed.

My Weekly Structure (Right Now)

My schedule isn’t perfect, but it’s working for me right now:

• Monday–Wednesday: Client work and business execution

• Thursday: Passion projects—Substack, YouTube, Jack & Jill, Community Service

• Friday: My rest day (and it’s non-negotiable)

• Evenings: French lessons, reading, journaling, or light admin work

The big shift? I no longer try to do everything every day. I give different priorities their own lane. And that helps me stay on track without feeling overwhelmed.

And don’t forget to make time to connect with friends over lunch.

A Note for the Table

You don’t need a 5 a.m. miracle routine to win the day.

Sometimes the biggest win is getting up, doing one thing that matters, and protecting your peace in the process.

This week, instead of doing more, try doing what works. Try doing what makes sense for the life you actually have.

And watch how those small shifts become big wins.

Journal Prompt

What’s one tiny habit you can start this week that would make your days feel smoother?

How could you protect just 30 minutes of your time and make it yours—without guilt?

And in case you missed Week 1, I’ve included a link to the story below:

I know, that’s not what we’ve been told. The world loves to feed us this story that doing it all—and doing it flawlessly—is the goal. That if your calendar isn’t packed, your inbox isn’t cleared, your kids aren’t thriving, your business isn’t booming, and your kitchen isn’t clean, then you’re somehow failing.

I’m a kid from the '70s who really grew up in the '90s. And listen—in the '90s, the Hip-Hop icons stressed hard work, grit, and grind. I remember Diddy saying something along the lines of, “While you’re sleeping, someone else is working—and they’re coming for your spot.” I read Russell Simmons’ book Do You, and one line that stuck with me was: “There are no failures, only quitters.”

That line was probably meant to encourage perseverance. But if I’m being honest, I took it as a mandate to never stop hustling. Hustle and grind were the buzzwords. Working your butt off was the only way to be productive and successful. No sleep ‘til Brooklyn. #TeamInsomnia

But I’m calling it: that’s a lie. And you ain’t got to lie, Craig. As Maury said: the lie detector determined... that was a lie.

“Doing it all” is a myth.

Here’s what I believe instead:
Productivity begins with REST and RESET.

Not the kind of rest where you crash on the couch with your phone in your hand because your brain is fried. I’m talking about real, intentional, protected rest. Rest that’s planned—like a meeting or a doctor’s appointment. Rest that respects your limits, not ignores them.

You’ve heard it before, but let me say it again:

You cannot pour from an empty cup.
You cannot build a meaningful life while running on fumes.

And if you are not Christian, don’t let me lose you on this next part because it’s still a great story to know: And as Jesus taught in the Parable of the Sower—fruitful things grow in good soil.

“Still other seed fell on good soil, where it produced a crop—a hundred, sixty or thirty times what was sown.” – Matthew 13:8

Even Jesus made it clear: if you want to see results, you have to plant in the right environment. That means tending to your soil—your heart, your body, your mind. No matter how much you’re planting, not much will grow if the ground is depleted.

That’s why rest matters. Rest is the nourishment needed to create good soil.

Practical Rest for Busy Women

When I thought about this topic, I wanted to make sure I created a list I could and would do myself. Because let me tell you—homegirl is booked and blessed. So if I can do it as a mother of four, entrepreneur, community leader, band mom, piano mom, autism mom, ADHD mom, daughter, sister, friend, and wife (because that’s a whole different set of needs), then you can do it too.

Schedule white space

Block out time on your calendar that’s just for you. Even 30 minutes. That’s your “do nothing at all” time. Don’t schedule over it. Don’t apologize for it. I’ve done it before, blocked time for myself and then gave it away to a client. The reality is, what my client really needs is my brain to be fresh and creative. That won’t happen if I’m running on fumes. So for the sake of the project, I have to schedule that meeting on another day and protect my recovery time.

Rest from your phone

Set screen time limits. Put your phone in the other room after a certain hour. Or try a “No Scroll Sunday” (or whatever night works for you). Especially in the work I do—content creation—I’m always looking at a screen. Honestly? I’ve had too much screen time. It’s impacting my vision and draining my energy. And I like watching TV and movies for fun, so I’m now trying to protect more time away from all screens.

Take a walk with no podcast

Just you and your thoughts. Or the birds. Or the trees. Give your brain a break from input. Let it breathe. As someone who loves learning, I’m always consuming something, even in my downtime. But even learning needs a break.

Pick a bedtime and honor it

Sleep is not a luxury. It’s a requirement. Stop here. Re-read that line. Seriously. Let “lights out” be sacred. You are not weak for being tired. You are human. (And it’s a good idea to get on the same “bedtime” page with your spouse. No need to elaborate here. You get it.)

Schedule time for joy

Refresh by doing something you love. Take a cooking class. Go to a sip & paint. Go to the spa. Go shopping - even it it’s window shopping.

I’ve always wanted to speak more than just English, so I meet with my French tutor once a week. She logs on from the actual South of France so I’m getting the authentic experience. I’m studying because its my thing, but I’m also studying so I can use it when I go back to France. Side Note: One day, while taking my daughters to get their hair braided, I noticed the African ladies speaking French to each other. I got to practice right there in the salon. I didn’t have to go to Paris to do it (although… I’m never opposed to going to Paris. Ever.)

But getting back on track…

Being productive is less about getting it all done and more about deciding what’s worth doing (reset). And then making sure you’re well enough to do it (rest).

And that’s why resetting matters too.

A Practical Reset Exercise

Think about your goals for this year, the next five years, and your life goals. What is it going to take to accomplish those goals?

Here’s a quick exercise:

1. Make a list of everything keeping you busy right now. Everything you think you must do.

2. Now make a list of what you wish you had time to do, especially if those things align with your goals and values.

Look at those lists side by side.

Now be honest:
How many things on your “busy list” are in line with what matters to you? Because the rest? They’re distractions. Detours. And they’re delaying your productivity.

If you live in Florida and you’re trying to get to New York, why are you messing around in Texas? That’s why you can’t get it done. You need to stay on route—Georgia, South Carolina, North Carolina—the path that actually gets you where you’re going.

So, when it comes to your list, I ask you:

What needs to stay?

What needs to go?

What deserves your yes?

Because everything else, needs to be a no.

(Y’all like little rhyme? Just call me Kit Kat. I just gave y’all bars. LOL! )

Productivity isn’t just about doing more and squeezing more in. Let’s redefine it. Productivity is about making space for what matters.

So if you’re feeling stuck or stretched, this is your permission to pause and reset.

I’ve learned this the hard way. There were seasons where I prided myself on juggling everything—and I did it well. But it came at my own expense. Now that I’m in my mid-40s, I pause more. I take inventory. I don’t need to wear my busyness like a badge of honor—again and again. If I were a Girl Scout, it’d be like earning the same badge every year. Girl—mission accomplished. Box checked. You got it. You’re amazing at that.

Now, move on.

A Note for the Table

If your productivity has hit a wall, it might not be a discipline problem—it might be a depletion problem.

Before you push harder, pause.
Before you pile more on, breathe.

Sometimes the most productive thing you can do… is rest.
And sometimes the most strategic move… is a reset.

Journal Prompt

What does rest actually look like in your real life—not your dream life?
What’s one way you can plan to do nothing at all this week and not feel guilty about it?

May in my house means school is winding down and the summer countdown is officially on. For many, summer signals slowing down—but let me be honest with you… in my world, summer often feels like more.

More coordinating. More balancing. More “What are we doing today?” and “Can we go somewhere?” and “Mom, I’m hungry” on repeat.

And let’s not forget—everyone’s birthday is in the summer. All six of us. So I also become the superstar birthday planner, trying to pull off celebrations that make everyone feel seen. And now that the twins are getting older, that’s getting trickier.

Like… my youngest son wants to go to Concord Mills to buy a train set, while his twin sister wants a trip to Europe. My oldest son wants nothing more than to go for a drive to Atlanta to grab a burger and stay in a charming hotel. His twin sister? She’s planning an elaborate anime-themed bash with all her friends.

Same womb. Very different vibes.

So no, summer doesn’t slow down. It shifts.

That’s why I thought this month would be the perfect time to talk about productivity, not the hustle kind, but the real-lifekind. The kind that leaves room for grace, naps, birthday cake, and knowing when to say “that can wait.”

As a mom of four, wife, entrepreneur, content creator, and community leader, I’ve had to learn what works, what doesn’t, and when to let go. So every week this month, I’m sharing practical tools and honest reflections on what productivity really looks like for people like us—the ones juggling all the things and still trying to live on purpose.

Here’s what’s on the menu for May (subject to change, of course, if inspiration strikes):

The Productivity Project – Weekly Series Lineup:

Week 1: The Myth of “Doing It All”
Why redefining productivity matters more than managing tasks

Week 2: Small Shifts, Big Wins
Realistic routines that actually work for busy lives

Week 3: Time Blocking for Real Life
Sample schedules and strategies that keep the chaos at bay

Week 4: Saying No Without Guilt
Boundary-setting tips and scripts to protect your peace

I’ll be back tomorrow with the first full post in the series. Let’s call it a little Sunday Dinner Encore.

Until then, take a deep breath—you made it to May. And that, my friend, is worth celebrating. 🫶🏾

See you at the table,
Bridgette