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With Love Always,

Photo by Helena Lopes on Unsplash

I haven’t been on Facebook or Instagram in about a year. I wasn’t super active on either, but I’ve realized since leaving them I’m more intentional about how I develop relationships. I’m not relying on social media to tell me what people are doing. I’m texting them. I’m looking for them at church. I’m choosing to engage deeper, and my relationships are fuller because of it.

I don’t think social media is the devil. I think it’s a tool that, like any tool, can be used and misused to fill our needs and desires however we see fit. And one of the ways we misuse social media is engaging in what I call “shadow relationships”.

When I say “shadow relationships” I’m referring to shallow friendships that masquerade as healthy ones (not the Jungian concept of the shadow self in romantic relationships in case you’re familiar with that). Just to be clear, I believe you can absolutely have healthy, fulfilling, and deep friendships with people you meet online, even if you never meet in person. I also believe that you can have shadow relationships in real life with people you’ve never talked to online. But the nature and structure of social media in particular breeds a lot of shadow relationships, and I really wanted to figure out why.

So I reviewed a handful of articles1 on how to make and maintain friendships to see what a healthy relationship requires. Then I compared those requirements to what happens on social media to see how it mimics those requirements but doesn’t actually fulfill them.

To illustrate this better, I made a fancy chart in Canva. (Behold my artistic skills!)

Let’s break down each of these requirements and compare how they look in healthy relationships versus how they look in shadow relationships on social media.

Quality Time

Several of the articles I reviewed stressed quality interaction over quantity. You can spend an hour with someone and not learn more about them or grow as friends, or you can spend ten minutes catching up and connecting. Quality is key.

Social media is the worst of both worlds. Most interactions are quick and low-quality: a comment on a post, a “poke” or “wave” (or whatever the kids are doing these days), or a quick DM to say, “u ok?” If you want to connect with someone on social media, say something that sparks a conversation. Or better yet, text or call them in real life. It shows you really care and you’re not just interacting because it’s convenient or interesting.

Experiencing Hardship Together

Galatians 6:2 tells us to “bear one another’s burdens”, so it’s no surprise that healthy relationships require hanging on when things get difficult. This is not the same as leaving a pithy comment on someone’s social media post. That’s definitely not what Paul had in mind.

Pray with them, share a meal, or let your friend talk difficult things out with you as their sounding board. Actively listen to what they have to say and let them come to their own conclusions. Being with someone is the most powerful thing you can do for them when they’re struggling (besides prayer, but preferably we would not use prayer as an excuse not to engage).

Honesty and Vulnerability

In a healthy relationship, we tell our friend when they’ve hurt our feelings and we work it out. By contrast, social media encourages us to vent about hurt feelings so we can get validation from complete strangers. That behavior is neither honest nor helpful, and it does not help us grow healthy relationships.

Vulnerability is a similar issue. In healthy relationships, we’re vulnerable with a few trustworthy people we choose. On social media, we spill our guts without thinking about who has access to what we’re sharing. The people who respond to that kind of emotion-dumping aren’t real friends; they’re usually just there for the drama. Find your safe people, and share your most vulnerable thoughts with them, not with the online crowd.

Keeping in Touch

In healthy relationships, we keep in touch. We may fall out of touch for a while, but we come back and send a text, make a call, or send a letter. In shadow relationships we tend to just catch up when we remember, and on social media, that’s when we scroll by a post and decide to comment. No healthy relationship will grow if we aren’t intentional about staying in touch. This is something I really struggle with because of my ADHD, so I actually schedule weekly tasks to check in with certain people. Sometimes I skip the task if we’ve caught up recently, but that way I am intentional about growing those relationships.

I think one lie that social media has taught us is that we can have an infinite number of close friends, and that’s just not true. Good friendships take time to develop and our time is limited. We have to choose which relationships to nurture, and we can’t nurture them well solely by commenting on social media.

Expectations and Boundaries

If you’re friends with someone long enough, expectations and boundaries will come up. You’ll have to decide what kind of friendship you’re going to have, how much time and what kind of time you can both commit to the relationship and what things you’re uncomfortable with. None of these things are defined on social media. Expectations and boundaries can change moment to moment because social media is always providing new opportunities to connect that require redefining what we want and what makes us uncomfortable.

This is another way we can be intentional with our relationships. We can communicate what we want our friendship to look like and be receptive to the ways our friend can and cannot meet our expectations. A healthy friendship takes two people communicating and agreeing on expectations and boundaries in order to flourish. It can be uncomfortable but it’s worth the effort!

In closing I just want to say that social media has one purpose: to make money. Its owners and creators want to find ways to keep your eyes on their site as much as possible because your time = their money. No one sat down at a Facebook board meeting and said, “how can we make people’s relationships shallow and fake?” But no one at those meetings was looking for ways to help you create deeper, healthier friendships either. Which means social media relationships (yes even relationships on Substack) have to be approached with caution and realistic expectations.

I love calling you my friend. In many ways, you are my friend. But you are probably not my closest friend. I’m not spilling my deepest secrets to you, we’re not meeting online to pray together weekly, or sending each other tea samples because that’s something we share in common. And that’s okay! There are all kinds of friendships. But let’s not mistake our online relationships for being something they aren’t because if we do, we’ll neglect the healthy and deeper relationships God really has for us in this life.

Just a reminder that today (Monday, August 31^st) is the last day to become a paid subscriber and receive the September zine sent to you by snail mail. If you missed it, that’s okay! Printable copies of my zines are available to everyone here. If you want to receive a custom made-by-me zine in the future, don’t forget to become a paid subscriber!

If you’d like to support my work don’t forget to like, comment, or share! You can also support me by becoming a paid or free subscriber or buying me a “coffee” (which is really tea...I’m a tea drinker!). Thank you so much for your support!

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With Love Always,

1

Friendology

5 Simple Ways to Be a Better Friend

There are two startling statistics I want to start with to paint the picture of why I care about relationships so much…

Read more

2 years ago · 1269 likes · 26 comments · Jon Caliguire

¹ https://www.wondermind.com/article/friendship/

https://bemorewithless.com/how-to-be-a-good-friend/

https://medium.com/communities-evolving/friendship-101-how-to-be-a-good-friend-c3cf62d819c1

https://www.succeedsocially.com/deepenfriendship

https://www.calm.com/blog/how-to-be-a-better-friend

Photo by Hu Chen on Unsplash

NOTE: My son is now almost 6 months old so if you’re reading this and you’re confused, I did not just have another baby. I’m just now getting around to sharing these thoughts with you. Enjoy!

I am not a big tech person. I don’t use Alexa or Google home. I avoid AI like the plague. I keep the minimum number of apps on my phone (which is still an incredible number of apps).

But six weeks ago I gave birth to my second child. And now I want those glasses. You know, the ones that take pictures from your point of view. Because I want to capture the tiniest moments.

The same thing happened when I had my daughter. The ordinary suddenly became extraordinary. The way she looked at me when I nursed her. Her look of recognition when my face appeared above her bassinet. The little sucking motion she would make while sleeping. All beautiful. All part of the wonderful way God made children.

And now I’m experiencing it all over again. His first smile. His little coos of curiosity. The way he looks at his older sister. His little noises when he talks to me. The way he rests his head on my chest and looks up at me like I’m perfect and he only has eyes for me.

I’ve tried to capture these moments with a camera. I’ve tried selfies with my phone, or videos to capture longer moments. But nothing can compare to that unique point of view. Nothing compares to experiencing that joy in the moment.

Every baby smiles. Every baby coos. But having your own child smile and coo right to your face is the ordinary becoming extraordinary.

Maybe it’s love. When we first met, a nurse laid him next to my head. Another nurse was taking pictures and suggested I kiss him. I leaned over and gave him a little peck on the cheek. He gasped right in my ear and drew back. Then with all the strength in his tiny 8-pound body, he lunged at me and buried his face in my neck. I felt him sigh and relax against me, like all his cares just washed away.

I have pictures of that moment. But they’ll never do it justice. Nothing could do that moment justice.

In that moment, a simple kiss became a catalyst, taking an ordinary moment and turning it into a memory I’ll cherish forever. But only my point of view can do it justice.

As I write this on my phone note app, I’ve just nursed my son. He’s falling asleep in my arms, holding my thumb with his hand. His eyes are staring at mine, begging me to put the phone down and just be with him.

And I am happy to oblige.

Thank you for supporting Grace + Truth Living through your likes, comments and shares! You can also support me by subscribing if you haven’t already or buying me a “coffee” (which is really tea...I’m a tea drinker!). I’m so grateful for all your support and I’m so glad I have the opportunity to encourage your walk with Christ through this publication!

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With Love Always,

Photo by Oliver Pacas on Unsplash

There is a model in psychology called the biopsychosocial-spiritual model. It’s used to treat patients holistically in clinical settings. By remembering that a patient is more than just physical or mental, a clinician can form a plan for patient care that considers risk and protective factors in other areas of the patient’s life.

I stumbled upon this model almost a decade ago while studying to get my Masters in Pastoral Counseling. During my time in the Word and through my studies, I had cobbled the model together on my own without realizing it was an actual studied model. One of my professors later helped me put the pieces together, and I’ve used it as a guide for self-evaluation ever since.

Growing up, I was taught to deny my emotional, physical and relational needs. These things were considered “less than” or “not as essential” as spiritual needs. I know this was not everyone’s experience growing up in church, and if you can’t relate, praise God for that! But I’ve found this is a common belief, and much damage has been done by these lies.

I want to present my version of the biopsychosocial-spiritual model so you can use it as a tool to confront these lies and surrender every part of who you are to Christ.

Mind, Body, Heart and Soul

I call this model “Mind, Body, Heart and Soul”, with each word representing a different domain of life. There’s a lot I could say about each of these areas, but here is just a brief explanation of each one.

Mind

Your mind represents the mental and emotional part of yourself. This includes your thoughts and emotions, both negative and positive. There is a general belief in the Church that negative thoughts and emotions are sinful (particularly when we talk about anger, depression and anxiety). But thoughts and emotions are biological experiences, so they are not completely under our control. This means sometimes we have to accept thoughts or feelings we are uncomfortable with, but that doesn’t mean we have to dwell on them.

Consider the following verses about our thoughts and emotions.

“...we take every thought captive to obey Christ.” - 2 Corinthians 10:5b

Paul does not tell us to control our thoughts but instead tells us to “take every thought captive to obey Christ.” When we experience a negative thought, we can respond with the truth we find in Scripture.

“Be angry but do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger...”. - Ephesians 4:26

When we are angry, we should not sin or allow our anger to fester over time.

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” - Philippians 4:6-7

Paul tells us to respond to anxiety with prayer and God will give us peace.

Scripture paints a picture of a healthy mind that acknowledges thoughts and feelings and responds accordingly. To care for ourselves the way God intended is to put thoughts and emotions in their proper place: respecting them as calls to awareness while also not allowing them to control our thoughts, emotions and actions any further.

Body

Your body represents the physical part of yourself. This includes things like exercise, and what we eat and drink.

Many verses have been taken out of context to argue for special diets, exercise programs, and more. Whole books have been written on the topic by people far wiser than I, so for now I just want to share three basic truths about your body from scripture. (If you’re looking for healthy books about your body, I recommend Full by Asheritah Ciuciu and Breaking Free from Body Shame by Jess Connolly. Also, I am anxiously awaiting Kelsey Kramer McGinnis’s new book Thin, Holy, and Never Enough which is coming out next year!)

So God created humans in his image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.... God saw everything that he had made, and indeed, it was very good.” - Genesis 1:27, 31a

Our bodies were made in the image of God and declared very good.

So, whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do everything for the glory of God. - 1 Corinthians 10:31

We are tasked with glorifying God with everything we do with our bodies.

“If with Christ you died to the elemental principles of the world, why do you live as if you still belonged to the world? Why do you submit to regulations, ‘Do not handle! Do not taste! Do not touch!’? All these regulations refer to things that perish with use; they are simply human commands and teachings. These have indeed an appearance of wisdom in promoting self-imposed piety, humility, and severe treatment of the body, but they are of no value in checking self-indulgence.” - Colossians 2:20-23

Paul specifically speaks against harsh treatment of the body or refraining from things you enjoy as acceptable forms of worship.

There is no one right way to live in your body. God has given us the Holy Spirit’s conviction and the Word of God to know what is truly not permissible. Other than that, we have great freedom with what we do with our bodies, and there are so many ways we can choose to glorify God through them.

Heart

Your heart represents the relational part of yourself. This includes our relationships with others: family, friends, coworkers, etc.

Scripture has a huge emphasis on relationships because God made us for community. When we lack community, it hurts us and it hurts others who would benefit from being in community with us. Here are some examples of how relationships are talked about in Scripture:

“For as in one body we have many members and not all the members have the same function, so we, who are many, are one body in Christ, and individually we are members one of another.” - Romans 12:4-5

God made us with different gifts so that we can serve each other and work together towards the common goals of spreading the gospel and glorifying Him.

“So when you are offering your gift at the altar, if you remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go; first be reconciled to your brother or sister, and then come and offer your gift.” - Matthew 5:23-24

“If it is possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.” - Romans 12:18

God values relationship and reconciliation so much He tells us to leave our gifts to Him before the altar and reconcile with our brother or sister first. At the same time, God recognizes that reconciliation is a two-way process, and sometimes the other person does not wish to reconcile.

I would also be remiss if I didn’t point out that Jesus had friends. He chose a group of twelve, and a closer group of three, to walk through life with Him. Following His example, we should also put effort into building healthy relationships with others.

Soul

Your soul represents the spiritual part of yourself. This includes your faith and relationship with God.

We tend to overcomplicate this area with a lot of rules about what we need to do to be a good Christian. Our relationship with God is not nearly as complicated as we think.

“He said to him, ‘“You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.” This is the greatest and first commandment. And a second is like it: “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” On these two commandments hang all the Law and the Prophets.’” - Matthew 22:37-40

Jesus said to love God and love people, and that the rest of the commands we are given rely on these two things.

Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. - 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

God’s will for our lives is to rejoice, pray, and give thanks!

Happy are those who do not follow the advice of the wicked or take the path that sinners tread or sit in the seat of scoffers, but their delight is in the law of the Lord, and on his law they meditate day and night. - Psalm 1:1-2

Psalm 1 paints a picture of people who rely on God’s Word for guidance.

Scripture gives so many examples of how we should live the Christian life; it really shouldn’t be a mystery. What complicates it is when we make rules about what the Christian life has to look like instead of accepting that God has something different for everyone. There are basic truths, like the practice of prayer and meditating on Scripture, but the way we exercise those is as unique as we are!

How I Use This Model

Every month I review these four areas to see how God might be asking me to live differently. I will be releasing a printable zine on September 1^st that explains how I do that. If you would like to receive a physical zine assembled by me in the mail, make sure you upgrade to a paid subscription before September 1^st, 2026 (NOTE: I can only offer the physical zine to those who live in the United States at this time.).

I hope you found this model helpful and I’m excited to share more about how I use it in the future! Please let me know if you have any questions!

Thank you for supporting Grace + Truth Living through your likes, comments and shares! You can also support me by subscribing if you haven’t already or buying me a “coffee” (which is really tea...I’m a tea drinker!). I’m so grateful for all your support and I’m so glad I have the opportunity to encourage your walk with Christ through this publication!

Buy Me A Coffee! (Tea! ☕)

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With Love Always,

(All Scripture is NRSVUE)

Photo by KaLisa Veer on Unsplash

I know a lot of people are uncomfortable with the word “deconstruction”, and I understand why. We all know someone (or know someone who knows someone) who “deconstructed” and walked away from the faith. I know a lot of people prefer to use the terms “detangle” or “disentangle” to describe a strong believer processing beliefs that they no longer feel are biblical.

However, I prefer to use the word “deconstruction” for two reasons:

1. It’s a semantical issue. Like many words, “deconstruction” has multiple meanings, and multiple inferences the user may or may not intend. If someone wants to use a word like “deconstruction” and is willing to define what exactly they mean by using that word, I’m not going to have a semantical argument with them. It’s not worth it. So, when I say “deconstruction”, I’m referring to the process of letting go of beliefs I grew up with that I now believe do not align with Scripture. I’m not experimenting with other religions or anything like that. God is holding me fast and I love Him too much to even consider looking away. But I will still call it “deconstruction” because of the following reason.

2. The words “detangle” and “disentangle” do not feel like they align with my current experience. I think one reason we use terms like this is that they feel less uncomfortable than something like “deconstruction”. But deconstruction is a very uncomfortable process, and I want to be honest about that process with myself and with others.

So with all that out of the way, you’re probably wondering what on earth is going on.

The SBC Started It...

I go through this every few years. Something about my faith, what I believe or how I’ve been living, makes me grossly uncomfortable. In response, I study my Bible more, read more books, pray more, ask harder questions, and come out the other side knowing God better and feeling more like myself (because when we pursue God, we become more of who He made us to be). It is always exciting, exhausting, and worth the effort.

This time, I think the SBC triggered the need for change. The vote on June 10, 2026 to further restrict women’s roles in ministry caused me to ask a lot of questions. I grew up Complementarian and still identify that way. However, the process and wording of the SBC vote made it appear like a direct attack on women. Some of the stories shared by women in the SBC broke my heart and made me want to know firmly what I believe in and why.

Then I looked into the CSB...

One night while contemplating the issues of the SBC vote, I suddenly felt compelled to ask questions about the Bible translation I’ve been using most: the Christian Standard Bible. I was appalled to discover it was published by a division of Lifeway and translated by a group of men with largely the same doctrinal leanings. I started to wonder how, if even unintentionally, personal beliefs and agendas may have impacted the translation.

I would like to add that I don’t think any translation is perfect. I have changed my main translation many times over the years simply because different seasons require different perspectives. I won’t stop using the CSB and will still consult it on a regular basis, but I started to wonder if I had boxed myself in to only hearing one perspective. And the amateur academic in me couldn’t stand that possibility.

I asked Substack what translations they use, and the NRSV was recommended to me by Catherine Jones Payne, which makes sense, since it is the academic standard. I looked into it, bought one, and am loving the ecumenical perspective on translation. It’s been very refreshing so far.

I also listened to The Myth of Good Christian Parenting (by Kelsey Kramer McGinnis and Marissa Burt)...

This is where everything really started to come down for me. I know most of the information in this book. Still, having the information in one place, having the dots connected and the puzzle pieces put together, just about broke me.

I’m not going to get into a ton of details because I will end up writing an entire book here in the process, but here’s a quick summary if you aren’t familiar with the book at all:

Where I’m at Now...

So, all that being said, I am asking a lot of questions. Like,

“What does the church need to do differently? How am I going to be a part of that?”

“What beliefs (and lies) about God and Scripture do I need to let go of in order to grow?”

“How does what I’m learning in this season affect how I approach my calling?”

“How can I encourage growth in other believers while also recognizing not everyone is where I am at?”

“How can I engage with believers in other denominations? How can I learn from them?”

“What does it look like to sit with not knowing and not having all the answers? How can I rely on God for my next steps?”

It’s a lot of questions. A lot of great questions honestly. And I am terrified but also excited because I see God calling me to learn more about Him.

To Those Who are Concerned...

For anyone uncomfortable with what I’m saying, I would like to point you to a basic truth that has taken me a long time to learn:

It would be nice if we could live this Christian life without experiencing major spiritual overhauls. There are people like that. I am not one of those people. Maybe I’ve believed so many lies it’s just taking time for God to chip them away from my heart. Maybe I’ve experienced too much spiritual trauma to trust the changes at first, so it takes me longer to see truth in God’s word that opposes the lies I’ve been taught.

Regardless, I know three things to be true:

I am incredibly uncomfortable right now.

I am so excited about everything God is showing me.

And I am hopeful that you will rejoice with me that we have a God who wants to teach us new things and holds us fast through these trials of faith.

Thank you for supporting Grace + Truth Living through your likes, comments and shares! You can also support me by subscribing if you haven’t already or buying me a “coffee” (which is really tea...I’m a tea drinker!). I’m so grateful for all your support and I’m so glad I have the opportunity to encourage your walk with Christ through this publication!

Buy Me A Coffee! (Tea! ☕)

Subscribe now

With Love Always,

I was going to repost something I wrote years ago because this week has been difficult and I didn’t have anything else ready. But then I ran a 5K, and God showed me a lot during that race that I’d like to share with you.

I feel a little goofy sharing what I learned because it seems like EVERYONE does that after they run a race. And the voice that wants to disqualify me keeps telling me, it wasn’t a big deal. It was only a 5K.

But there really is something about running a race that clears your mind and renews your focus. And I feel very strongly that God wants me to share what He showed me, even if I do find the post-race article a little cliché 😂

During my race, God really drew my attention to people’s pacing.

I’m a pacing freak. When I run, I don’t like to stop and walk. I like to run at a speed I can manage the entire distance I plan to run.

So, this weekend, I start the 5K and quickly find myself towards the back. So many people passed me and I just kept reminding myself, don’t worry about them. Go at a pace that works for you.

And then, probably not even a mile in, a lot of those runners started walking. And I just kept passing people. I was shocked by how many people I passed. A lot of people seemed to have intended to run the entire 5K, but instead they were finding it was too much for them.

If you’re not used to running, and you haven’t taught yourself to find a pace that works for you, then your running will look like a mess. You’ll be starting and stopping, sprinting, panting and giving up too soon. Even a small run like a 5K requires training and discipline.

Which is where this starts to apply to me. Because when I’m running, I pace myself really well. But if we treat running as a metaphor for life, then that’s a different story.

So, this is what I’m taking away from my race this weekend":

I need to run at a sustainable pace

There were a lot of people who stopped and started running multiple times throughout the race. There are ways to do this that are good pacing. That’s how I started running many years ago. But the people who stuck out to me were the ones who ran as fast as they could and burned out quickly before they ran very far.

I think the people who stopped and started running over and over again are a really good metaphor for burning out, which I do with some frequency. In my defense, I have ADHD and I have a hard time telling when I have overextended myself until it’s too late.

But still, I’ve noticed God showing me that I need to choose a more sustainable pace of life. For me, this isn’t really about declining event invitations or choosing not to join a Bible study. It’s the little things like the standard of perfection I expect when I clean my house. Or sticking to a system or routine that requires a lot of unnecessary steps because I want to “do it right”.

As I submit my time and energy to God, He has started to point out when things are too much or when they don’t deserve the energy I would have to give them. I’m slowly starting to let go of perfection, and find more sustainable and flexible rhythms to keep life moving, however imperfectly.

I will be tempted to run at the front of the pack

It’s difficult when the race starts to set your own pace. Everyone’s excited and the whole group just takes off. No one likes getting passed, so everyone tries to keep up with everyone else. And inevitably, half a mile into the race a bunch of people will start walking. Because they weren’t running at a pace that worked for them.

In an actual race I know better, but in real life I’m constantly checking to see where other people are at:

How old are they?

How much have they accomplished?

How much influence do they have?

Who do they know?

What platforms have they been invited to?

It’s embarrassing to admit, but in the race of life I don’t want to be left behind. And being “left behind” is completely defined by the world’s standards, not God’s.

Rather than worry about not accomplishing enough or not knowing the right people, we should be concerned with accomplishing the specific calling God has for us.

In a future article I’ll dive into calling more, but for now I’ll just say this:

1. We don’t have one calling. We have many.

2. Our callings change in every season.

I’m going to be tempted to outrun others when I shouldn’t

If I could vent for a second, in the last half mile of my race I had a kid running near me. My natural pace passed him several times and every time he would panic and sprint ahead of me and then have to start walking again, and I’d pass him again and he’d panic and sprint ahead again and then…you get the idea. I was seriously concerned about colliding with him, especially because at one point he ran off-road to get past me. I was really, really tempted to hardcore sprint past this kid because he was making me so anxious. But I kept my pace because if I did sprint ahead, I would end up doing the same thing he was doing, wearing myself out trying to go at a pace I couldn’t sustain.

When we see someone in our life get “ahead” of us (they have children first, date first, get published first, etc.) we can feel pressured to make something happen outside of its time. Which can lead us to make really bad decisions.

I’m running another 5K next month and I’m hoping it won’t be as revealing for my soul as this one was! But I am really grateful God speaks to us where we’re at and I hope I’m not the only one that learns big lessons while running races!

Thank you for supporting Grace + Truth Living through your likes, comments and shares! You can also support me by subscribing if you haven’t already or buying me a “coffee” (which is really tea...I’m a tea drinker!). I’m so grateful for all your support and I’m so glad I have the opportunity to encourage your walk with Christ through this publication!

Buy Me A Coffee! (Tea! ☕)

Subscribe now

With Love Always,

One of the things I love about the Jonah Veggietales movie is its honest ending.

The whole movie the pirates are telling a group of kids the story of Jonah. They get to the part where Jonah throws a huge hissy fit because God won’t wipe out 100,000 people. And the story just ends with Jonah standing on a cliff, angry at God. The kids are like, wait, that’s where the story ends? Yep, kiddos, that’s how the story ends.

(You can watch it here if you’re interested or need a refresher. It’s surprisingly biblically accurate given that God never actually speaks, and the story is told by a worm and a talking asparagus. Kuddos, Big Idea Productions.)

We always focus on the Jonah that ran away, that confessed his sin, and that was swallowed by and eventually thrown up by a whale. But unfortunately, I relate quite a bit to the Jonah at the end of his story, and I’m sure I’m not the only one.

In Jonah 3, Jonah preached the message of repentance to Ninevah and they repented, so God decided not to destroy them. So in Jonah 4, Jonah throws a fit.

He prays what I think is one of the most heart-breaking and relatable prayers in scripture. He prays to God and says,

“Please, Lord, isn’t this what I said while I was still in my own country? This is why I fled toward Tarshish in the first place. I knew that you are a gracious and compassionate God, slow to anger, abounding in faithful love, and one who relents from sending disaster.”

I am blinking back tears as I write this because this is so much more than a simple complaint from Jonah. He is directly attacking God’s character.

In Exodus 34, there is a beautiful moment where God walks past Moses and declares who He is. I won’t go into a ton of detail because I don’t have time here, but this is what you need to know. God tells Moses:

“The Lord—the Lord is a compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger and abounding in faithful love and truth...” (Exodus 34:6 CSB)

Do you see the parallel? Where God refers to Himself as “abounding in faithful love and truth”, Jonah refers to God as “abounding in faithful love, and one who relents from sending disaster.”

Exodus 34 is foundational because it is a description of God’s character given by Himself. Verses 6 and 7 are repeated throughout the Old Testament and the New Testament. (For example, Jesus came full of grace and truth. In other words, He was “abounding in faithful love and truth”.)

These are essential parts of God’s character, and everyone knows it. And Jonah just says,

“You are not who You said you are.”

Jonah said, “God, you are not just. You let the guilty go unpunished. Your love is misguided. You say you’re going to punish people, but you don’t. You have lied about your character, and You are not a good God.”

I want to distance myself from this exchange and say I’ve never known what it’s like to feel this way, but the truth is I have believed God is not good. When people have gotten away with evil, or even when I just haven’t liked something they’ve done, I’ve questioned God’s goodness. I’ve asked why He lets the guilty go unpunished. I’ve declared Him a liar who says He will follow through with punishing people and then does not. I have questioned His character and His knowledge of Himself.

I have asked if He has the right to be God both in the world He created and in my own heart. I have wondered if He deserves jurisdiction in my soul.

Sometimes I wonder if I’m just making excuses. Maybe I don’t want Him to be in charge. Maybe I don’t want Him to have a say. So, I make up excuses and declare Him “not good”, “unjust” and “not who He says He is”.

But the truth is, He is good. He is just. Justice is literally defined by His hand. We don’t know better. We don’t know best. He is God, and we, I, am not.

I am humbled as I write this because it is my 33^rd birthday. I’ve been reflecting today on what I want the rest of my life to look like. And then I opened my Bible and read this passage and was reminded that my opinion of God matters.

In the past few months, I’ve embraced His will for my life through surrendering to His design for my family, accepting my body as good even on “bad” days, and believing His plans for my passion for writing and women’s ministry are better than mine. On the days I trust Him and believe He is good, those things are easier. But on the days I question His goodness, justice and love, I struggle. My opinion of God, my belief that He is who He says He is, will affect how I live my life. And on this day of reflection, I am eager to live a life that believes God is who He says he is.

If I’m honest, it’s easy to slip into the Jonah attitude, and I know not slipping into that attitude will require self-awareness, confession, and a daily choice to choose God’s will instead of my own. But for the first time in my life, I can say with confidence that I am ready for it. I don’t want to live life the way others think I should. I don’t want to define success by the world’s standards. I want to find peace in God’s way over my way. I’ve had a taste of the good life, and unlike Jonah, I’m choosing a life of abundant love, and truth.

Who’s with me?

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With Love Always,

(You can listen to the article read by me for free below!)

I feel like Martha gets a bad rap. We’re constantly comparing her to her “more spiritual” sister, Mary. We use her name disparagingly to describe people (particularly women) when they experience stress from their work. We skip over the parts of scripture that paint Martha in a good light (John 11). We’ve focused on her one mistake and labeled her for it.

Maybe that sounds dramatic, but I’ve always felt bad for Martha. Maybe because I relate to her need to get things done. I won’t justify her mistakes, but I do think it’s worth clarifying what those mistakes are. Because growing up I was taught that Martha’s mistake was working when she should have been sitting at Jesus’s feet. And now I’m not sure that’s the narrative we find in Scripture.

Luke 10:38-42 is a pretty short story. It reads:

While they were traveling, he (Jesus) entered a village, and a woman named Martha welcomed him into her home. She had a sister named Mary, who also sat at the Lord’s feet and was listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by her many tasks, and she came up and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to serve alone? So tell her to give me a hand.”

The Lord answered her, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and upset about many things, but one thing is necessary. Mary has made the right choice, and it will not be taken away from her.” (CSB)

It Can’t Be About Work

We have to reevaluate how we interpret this passage. We typically view this story with a “work vs. worship” mentality, and we use it to justify a dichotomy where work is bad and worship is good.

But that narrative does not align with the rest of Scripture. God does not condemn work. From the very beginning before the Fall, we were intended to work – the result of the Fall is that our work is difficult (see Genesis 2:15 and Genesis 3:17-19). Throughout Scripture we are encouraged to work well and good work is considered to be a form of worship (consider Prov. 16:3, Prov. 22:29, 1 Cor. 10:31, Col. 3:23-24, etc.).

So applying this passage in a way that vilifies work doesn’t line up with the rest of Scripture. And comparing Mary and Martha and deciding Martha is “less spiritual” because she was working doesn’t fit the narrative of Scripture either.

The Problem of Worry

Because I grew up with the “Mary is good, Martha is bad” narrative, I often feel guilty doing chores around the house. I feel like I’m being a bad Christian because I’m not spending that time reading my Bible.

But a few months ago, I was doing the dishes (and feeling guilty for being a “Martha”) when I felt God ask me, what did Martha do wrong?

She was working when she should have been sitting at Jesus’s feet, I responded, more guilt and shame creeping in.

Are you sure? He asked.

I thought through the passage for a moment and almost dropped a dish when verse 41 came to mind:

The Lord answered her, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and upset about many things.”

Do you see that? The problem wasn’t that Martha was working. The problem was that Martha was WORRIED.

Freedom From Worry

I have to wonder if Martha would have stopped working if she was not worried.

Mary was not worried, so she was free to sit at Jesus’s feet. But if Martha had that same freedom, would she also have sat at Jesus’s feet?

Most people interpret verse 42 to mean that sitting at Jesus’s feet was the only right choice. But that verse is a little tricky.

While I was researching for this article, I found a comment that noted the number of different ways verse 42 is translated. Here are a few examples:

Christian Standard Bible - “but one thing is necessary. Mary has made the right choice...”

Amplified Bible - “only one thing is necessary, for Mary has chosen the good part [that which is to her advantage]...”

English Standard Version - “but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion...”

New International Version - “but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better...”

When a Bible verse is translated so many different ways, it’s often because the translators are struggling to communicate the original intent outside of the original language or are unsure of the meaning of the text. Ultimately, the issue is how we define the “one thing” and the “right choice”.

If the “one thing” is literally, physically “sitting at Jesus’s feet”, then that is what Martha should have done. But the “one thing” could also be choosing God’s priorities above our own (I would argue Matthew 10:39 and 16:21-28 support this theme). That would mean the “one thing” could look different for each of us, and God may very well have wanted Martha to serve through her tasks, just with a heart focused on Him and doing her tasks for His glory instead.

I’d like to note that Jesus never told Martha to sit at His feet or directed her to sit there. And Luke does not give us any indication that Martha sat at His feet after this conversation occurred. It seems whether she sat at His feet was not the point of the story.

What Is the Point of This Story?

One of the posts I read about this passage had an excellent conversation in the comment section (You can find that conversation here). One of the commenters pointed out that Luke placed this story after the story of the Good Samaritan. In that story, a priest and Levite (holy men) both passed a dying man, while a Samaritan (someone the Jews would have considered to be an enemy or at least “less than”) stopped and cared for the man, even paying for his continued care. Jesus ends that story by saying, “go and do the same.” The commenter pointed out it would be odd for Luke to tell a story where Jesus exhorts the disciples to serve others and then follow it with a story about the evils of work.

Sometimes our service to God comes in the form of actively serving others instead of “sitting at His feet.” He calls us both to time dwelling on His Word and to acting as His hands and feet. Since these are themes we see throughout Scripture, I can’t accept that this story is about the evils of work and the virtues of having a solid quiet time. I can accept what I see in the text; our heart posture matters whether we’re serving or sitting at His feet.

My question is, could Martha have performed her “many tasks” in a way that was “done in His name”? Or did she HAVE to sit at His feet in order to be doing the right thing? What do you think?

Thank you for supporting Grace + Truth Living through your likes, comments and shares! You can also support me by subscribing if you haven’t already or buying me a “coffee” (which is really tea...I’m a tea drinker!). I’m so grateful for all your support and I’m so glad I have the opportunity to encourage your walk with Christ through this publication!

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With Love Always,

Hey friend! I got a little ambitious and decided to record this article in case you want to listen to it instead. Let me know in the comment section if this works better for you and I may do it more often.

It amazes me how much I need to speak truth to myself.

For example, the other day I was folding laundry and thinking about church the next day. I was really frustrated because I wanted my children and I to wear outfits that coordinated, just to add a little fun to my day.

Unfortunately, I own a lot of black while my children’s clothes tend to be cute little pastel colors. I was really frustrated about this and while trying to figure it out, I realized I was spending so much energy on this problem when it really didn’t matter. The most important thing about going to church the next day was actually making it to church, especially since I was going to have to drag my kids there by myself.

So, I took a deep breath, and said out loud, the most important thing is that we are there, not what we are wearing.

Suddenly, I felt a release. I realized I had believed some lie that church was going to be better if we had matching outfits, or that our outfits needed to coordinate for church to even be good. Possibly for it even to be worth going.

Which is absolutely insane. I’m not a vain person, yet there I was ready to throw in the towel and cancel our plans to go to church the next day because I don’t own pastels.

It’s the Little Lies that Get Me

The little lies we believe stack up until suddenly we’re so distracted by things that don’t matter that we miss the things that do.

I tell myself all the time that the only way I can be a writer is if I find a substantial amount of time to sit down at my computer to write. Besides the fact that I’m a SAHM to a three-year-old and a three-month-old (who I am nursing), I also have ADHD, which makes it difficult to sit still and write. All these things add together and the next thing I know, I believe the lie that I can never be a writer.

But currently, I am folding a mountain of laundry while talking into my phone so that Word can record what I’m saying. I’ll edit it later when I am actually able to sit down.

I can believe the lie that I can’t write because I don’t have chunks of time, or because I can’t sit down that long even if I had the time. Or I can believe that God called me to write (and to fold laundry), and I can work with the time and resources He’s given me.

Living in an Age of Lies

I believe learning to speak truth to yourself is more important now than ever.

We are constantly bombarded by lies. Advertisements tell us we need to be skinny, rich, married, single, young, retired, automated or efficient to be happy, healthy and loved. Influencers show us the latest tips, routines and gadgets and promise us perfect homes, perfect children and perfect lives. What used to be a matter of hanging around the right people and reading the right books is now an inescapable torrent of half-truths and flat-out lies. Escape is nearly impossible. We’re basically doing the Devil’s work for him.

Which means we have to learn to call out lies. Here’s an example.

Let’s say your husband left his bath towel on the floor of the bathroom. Again. And in your mind you’re thinking, this is not a hotel. I’ve told him a million times to hang his towel up after he uses it so I don’t have to wash towels every few days!

You’re feeling frustration, anger, friction. That’s when you need to ask yourself, what lies am I believing about this situation?

Maybe you believe he’s ignoring you on purpose. Maybe you believe if your house isn’t clean that you have less value. Maybe there is no lie and you just don’t like doing the laundry. But more often than not, there is some lie we’re believing when our emotions start to get out of control.

Once you identify the lie, you need to call it out. You can start telling yourself the truth (your husband is just forgetful, the cleanliness of your house doesn’t define you, etc.), but I’ve found that when we try to speak the truth without calling out the lie first, we’re trapped in this weird cycle of doubt. We might say “my husband is just forgetful”, but that little voice of doubt says, “really? Are you sure? Maybe he really is doing it on purpose.” But if you start by saying “my husband is not doing this on purpose. That is a lie,” then your brain is primed to accept other possibilities.

Once you’ve identified and called out the lie, you can speak truth over the whole situation.

“My husband remembers to hang his towel half the time. That’s definitely better then when we first got married!”

“My house doesn’t have to be perfectly clean all the time.”

“I can’t control what the people in my house do. I can only control what I do. So right now, if I want this picked up, I’m going to have to do it.”

Why Is This So Hard?

Sometimes it’s easier to believe a lie than embrace the truth. If you’re struggling to let go of a lie try the following:

1. Slow down. Our days are so busy we often don’t notice what our bodies are trying to tell us. You may be struggling with unfulfilled hopes or dashed expectations without realizing it. Slow down long enough to process what you’re feeling and the lies may become obvious.

2. Take a deep breath. When we’re upset we tend to hold our breath or breathe shallowly. But God gave us breath for a reason! Take a few moments to breathe deeply. It will help you calm down and think more clearly.

3. Try journaling. Journaling slows down our thought process, allowing us to catch runaway thoughts that might otherwise go unnoticed. Try writing whatever comes to mind about the situation for five minutes. You might be surprised how much those five minutes can reveal!

4. Spend time in the Word. His Word is truth, and spending time in the Word saturates us in that truth, making it harder for the seeds of a lie to be planted in our hearts and minds.

5. Find others to speak the truth to you. Sometimes we are so weary we can’t think clearly enough to see the truth even when it’s right in front of us. Find other believers to speak truth into your life. Then, as you grow and become better at calling out the lies, you can help others by speaking the truth to them!

It may seem like overkill to provide this much guidance on ridding your life of lies. Most of the advice I’ve given sounds like therapy (and actually I would argue that most of therapy is identifying and calling out lies). The honest truth is, the devil is a liar (see John 8:44) and he uses those lies to destroy us. Little lies might not seem like a big deal, but don’t forget I was about to skip out on church because I don’t own pastels. And I’m sure you have your own crazy stories of how a little lie totally derailed you.

Learning to call out the lies we believe isn’t just a good idea, it’s essential to living life as a Christian. If the devil’s greatest weapon is lies, then ours is the Truth we find in God’s Word. Speak truth to yourself and the Devil will find he doesn’t have the foothold on you he thought he did.

Thank you for supporting Grace + Truth Living through your likes, comments and shares! You can also support me by subscribing if you haven’t already or buying me a “coffee” (which is really tea...I’m a tea drinker!). I’m so grateful for all your support and I’m so glad I have the opportunity to encourage your walk with Christ through this publication!

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With Love Always,

I debated sharing this article because it doesn’t feel like it’s in my niche (and all the experts say “stay within your niche!!!”). But I am passionate about living for God through all we do, and that includes how we care for our bodies.

Freezer meals have absolutely changed the way I care for my body. I am eating healthier, more consistent meals because they’re available. The planning required to make freezer meals has made me more aware of our food budget so I’m a better steward of our finances as well. Freezer meals also save time and relieve a lot of the mental load of prepping and planning dinner.

I’m definitely not an expert in freezer meals, but that’s why I wanted to write this article. I’m not going to tell you to set aside a day to cook and freeze 40 meals in a crazy cooking marathon. (I’m a nursing mom; I don’t have time for that!) I’ve found that little things here and there have made a big difference. Maybe one day, you will want to have a cooking marathon and make 40, 50, or 60 meals at once. But in the meantime, here’s how to get started one meal at a time.

You’re Probably Doing It Wrong

Before I jump into what you should do for freezer meals, I need to tell you what not to do. Because if you’re already freezing leftovers, you might be doing it wrong.

1. Be careful how much you reheat - Each time you reheat food you let it cross the food temperature “danger zone” (between 40-140°F; you can learn more about this on the USDA website). In this zone, bacteria grows faster, which means the more you reheat your food, the more dangerous it is to eat it.

   It’s still safe to reheat food, you should just limit how much you do it. One of the books I read recommended you reheat food no more than once.

   But that presents a problem for “traditional” freezer meals. When we think of freezer meals most of us think of those giant pre-made lasagnas that you reheat in the oven. But a lasagna can feed a lot of people. So when a family of four reheats a whole lasagna in the oven and doesn’t consume more than half of it, they have to decide what to do with the leftovers: throw them out or reheat them a second time. I’ll explain how I navigate this issue later in this article.

2. Not everything freezes well – Zucchini freezes fine if it’s shredded, but it turns to mush if it’s cubed or sliced. Just because you can technically freeze something doesn’t mean you’ll thaw it and get the results you want. For this issue, I want to refer you to the first freezer cookbook I read when I started this journey. I actually copied the lists of what freezes well and what doesn’t and added it to my recipe book. I found similar lists in other books as well. Take it from the people who have tried it all to tell you what will freeze and what won’t.

3. You don’t need all new recipes – Some of our favorite freezer meals are the meals we already loved that I figured out how to freeze well. In the cookbook I mentioned above, there were enough guides for me to figure out how to turn the recipes we love into freezer meals. I highly recommend this as you’re starting out so you can focus on figuring out how freezer meals will work for your family.

How I Do Freezer Meals

This is how I do freezer meals in a way that is easy on my mind, time, and wallet! (And in a way that solves the reheating problem…)

Prep and Freeze

There are two ways to make freezer meals: Cook them and then freeze them or Prep them and then freeze them. I much prefer the Prep and Freeze method. It saves space because I’m not cooking meat and then returning it to the freezer in a less compact shape, and for me it saves time because I’m not cooking a meal once and then waiting while it reheats later (if I did those cooking marathon days, the cook and freeze method would save more time but again, there’s no way I could pull that off!).

To Prep and Freeze, you’re going to prepare everything (with some exceptions – if something in your recipe doesn’t freeze well, you will want to add it after thawing), but you aren’t going to cook it. You also have the option of leaving the meat out of the meal if your meat is already frozen and then thawing the meat and prepped meal at the same time. Here’s a few examples:

Example 1: Chili

When I prep chili I put tomato sauce, diced tomatoes, black beans, onion, and spices in a food storage bag and freeze it flat. Then when I’m ready to make chili, I pull the bag out of the freezer and let it thaw and also thaw a pound of ground beef. Once thawed, I cook the ground beef and then throw everything in a slow cooker until dinnertime. That recipe has a little more work on the tail end because I find it’s better to cook the meat before you throw it in the slow cooker. But still, it’s about ten minutes of my morning to cook the meat and throw everything in the slow cooker - much faster than measuring all those spices every time I make chili! I prep multiple bags at a time, and it saves time and mental energy.

Example 2: Fajitas

We had fajitas for dinner today. To make that happen, I pulled two sirloin steaks and the prepped fajita bag out of the freezer yesterday morning to thaw in the fridge(the fajita bag has peppers, onions and a marinade in it). Then this morning, I pulled out the steaks, cut them into thin strips, and threw them in the fajita bag. Thirty minutes before dinner, I dumped the bag on a baking tray and threw the tray in the oven for thirty minutes. The fajitas are amazing and I had no prep to do at dinner time. I just pulled toppings out of the fridge and put the fajita mix in a bowl on the table. Everyone loved it!

Note: A lot of decisions I make about how I handle the meat in my recipes is because we buy a quarter cow at a time, so everything is frozen. For this recipe, I don’t want to thaw the meat, cut it, then freeze it again in the fajita bag. I can sacrifice the 15 minutes in the morning to cut the meat because it makes dinner time easier and protects the flavor of the meat.

Freezing Individual Portions

I still freeze food after it’s been cooked for later meals, but I’ve found the best way to do that is in individual portions rather than putting the whole meal in one container. That way, you only thaw what you need, and you’re not reheating multiple times.

I use these freezer cubes and I ADORE them. I just told my mom they are “life changing” and bought her some because I was not kidding. When I make soup, I freeze the extras in these and defrost it in the microwave for lunch. I also use them for sauces, leftover taco meat, hot dog chili, chicken gravy - pretty much anything we would reheat! Leftovers thaw quicker than they would in a large container, and the molds are dishwasher safe. Highly Recommend!

Some Final Advice

A few pieces of advice I want to leave you with:

1. Prep while you cook dinner. If you’re making a meal that can be prepped and frozen, buy enough ingredients to make that dinner 3-4 times, then prep the extra meals to freeze while you’re already making that meal for dinner. You’ll have to add a little time to your dinner prep, but it saves time (and dishes) in the long run.

2. Check your spices! I’ve never checked my spices before shopping because I never used enough at a time to completely run out all at once. But when you’re prepping, you use A LOT of spices. Check to make sure you have the spices you need before you shop (you’ll thank me later!).

3. Find a cookbook with good information on freezer cooking. The recipes are nice, but what I really found helpful were all the guides on freezer meals. Try the cookbook I mentioned before or find another one you can use as a guide on your freezer meal journey.

There is so much to learn about freezer meals, and it’s definitely a learning curve to figure out what works for you. I’m definitely still learning, but if you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to ask!

Happy cooking!

Thank you for supporting Grace + Truth Living through your likes, comments and shares! You can also support me by subscribing if you haven’t already or buying me a “coffee” (which is really tea...I’m a tea drinker!). I’m so grateful for all your support and I’m so glad I have the opportunity to encourage your walk with Christ through this publication!

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With Love Always,

Hey Momma, how are you doing? Hanging in there for dear life? I am right there with you.

Between my husband working a ridiculous number of hours and trying to handle a breastfeeding three-month-old and an emotionally overwhelmed three-year-old I’m feeling a little stretched thin.

This past week I had a little burnout episode. It wasn’t major, and it’s a bit of chicken and egg situation since I got a migraine and can’t tell if the stress came first or the migraine caused the stress. But either way, I was feeling low. And as I was recovering, I grabbed myself by the shoulders, looked myself square in the eye and said,

Momma, you can’t do it all.

Ladies, you could have all the help in the world, all the systems, planners, and perfect habits. You could have a perfectly flexible job and a baby that was a good sleeper from day one (praise God my baby isn’t a perfect sleeper, but he’s pretty close!). You could have perfect health, get the right amount of sleep, and eat exactly what you should. It doesn’t matter. There is just no possible way for you to do it all.

You can’t be an extreme couponer and find all the sales on all the items and still benefit from the brevity and simplicity of a grocery pickup. You can’t provide the perfect homeschooling environment for your children and also enjoy the peace and calm that comes from an empty house when you send them off to school. You can’t take your kids to softball practice, theater class, tutoring, band camp, and part-time jobs all at the same time. You cannot donate to every cause, attend every church function and volunteer in every local ministry.

The world tells us we can (and should) do it all. But I am telling you firmly and unapologetically that you cannot. Not by a long shot. And that is okay. Because you are human. A human created in the image of God. A God who took a break, so it’s okay for us to take one too.

A few weeks ago, I stopped by Target and got a productivity planner. I thought it might help me organize my day in a way that didn’t overwhelm me the way Google Calendar does.

Turns out, it’s not the calendar that’s overwhelming me; it’s the expectations. Because I have ADHD and forget the things I want to do, I put everything in my calendar as an all-day task. That way, when I open the app, there’s a list at the top of all the things I want/need to get done that day. Unfortunately, I’m terrible at telling how long things will take, and I forget to factor in things like my three-month-old’s unpredictable eating schedule, or my three-year-olds irregularly scheduled meltdowns.

I had things on my calendar that I was trying to implement like reading to my daughter more, having a daily quiet time for her, focusing on a new letter of the alphabet every week to help her learn her letters, going to the library once a week, etc. All good things. Good things that were absolutely suffocating me because I just can’t possibly do everything.

I read to my daughter almost every day. Not much, but I do read to her and other people in her life do too. The girl is not failing to thrive for lack of hearing books read to her.

A daily quiet time does not work with our schedule every day, and trying to enforce it on the days it does just causes insane meltdowns. She naturally lays on the couch in the afternoon if she needs a rest, so it’s not imperative that I enforce something like that.

She’s already learning her letters. I don’t need to structure special lesson plans or over plan alphabet activities to get her to learn her letters. She can already spell (and messily write) her name, and she asks us about letters and words all the time. She has access to tons of alphabet toys, and she loves playing with them without being prompted. As a former toddler teacher, I can tell you that play is the best way for a child to learn. So why am I trying to interrupt that process???

We’ll keep going to the library, but I’m not going to enforce it every week like a dictator. Some weeks we didn’t get time with her books. Some weeks we’re overscheduled and it’s not a good time to go. But it’s also something we all enjoy (even the baby!) so it’s worth fighting for when we can go.

And I find that interesting because, really, the library is a priority because we all enjoy it. Why is it my tendency to add things to my calendar that not only are unnecessary but are things I don’t even want to do?

Right now, I’m in my office and my favorite sweater is on a table behind me. I’ve had it for years, and it just got a few holes in the front. It’s old, so it’s going to be prone to holes. I want to keep it and fix it because I don’t want to be wasteful. But I don’t want to do the work, and I don’t really have time to do it either. So is that honestly something I want to make a priority? Fixing a sweater I don’t even want to fix that will probably get more holes the next time I wear it? There are other ways I can prevent waste and in this season of life, I don’t think this is one of them.

I love the sweater. It has served me well. And I need to let it go. And I need to let go of the idea that I have to be perfect. It’s okay if I can’t fix the sweater. Wherever that pressure came from (society or within me), it’s time to let it go.

I went through my calendar and got rid of (or reprioritized) the tasks based on expectations I don’t need to fulfill (e.g. you have to clean your house this often, you have to empty the dishwasher every morning, you have to journal every day, read every day, exercise every day, etc.)

It’s those darn “have to’s” that are making us stretched out, stressed out Mommas.

The other night I put my daughter to bed and I said, “I’m sorry I was grumpy today.”

She said, “I’m sorry I was grumpy today too. But Mom, could you not be grumpy tomorrow?”

Seems like as good a time as any to get rid of the things that are making me grumpy ❤️

What about you, Momma? What things are you telling yourself you have to do that are just making you grumpy?

Remember, you can’t do it all. And that’s okay.

Thank you for supporting Grace + Truth Living through your likes, comments and shares! You can also support me by subscribing if you haven’t already or buying me a “coffee” (which is really tea...I’m a tea drinker!). I’m so grateful for all your support and I’m so glad I have the opportunity to encourage your walk with Christ through this publication!

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With Love Always,

NOTE: When I refer to the “Church” in this article, I’m referring to American Christian churches as a whole. I recognize that not every church body in America will fit these generalizations, but these are patterns I’ve found in a lot of individual churches over the last decade.

As a reminder, we are the Church. So as you’re reading this article, consider how these perspectives have affected you and how you might be a proponent of these beliefs even if you never intended to be.

My husband and I waited six years after getting married to have our first child. We got married young (21 years old), and the expectation from our fellow churchgoers was that we would have children right away. We felt God ask us to wait, so we did.

Our church was not very supportive. People questioned our decision to wait. Some told us we were being disobedient to God because we weren’t trying to get pregnant. We moved a lot, and at every new church people gave me strange looks when I told them I didn’t work, but I also didn’t have children. People expected me to justify the space I took up in my home (a lot can be said here about devaluing homemaking as well, but that’s a topic for another article).

When we finally started trying to conceive, we struggled. And when people found out we were trying (either because we asked for prayer or felt pressured to share), they demanded personal details and updates. I breathed a sigh of relief when I finally had a child because the pressure to justify myself finally let up.

Now I look back and think, how sick is it that I had to have a child in order to feel like I was doing everything “right”?

I have never been comfortable with how the Church talks about motherhood. As a child, I was taught that I would get married and have children. That was my purpose in life, and all of my energy was spent trying to “get there”. Two years into my marriage, I mourned the loss of my singleness. Not because I was discontent being married, but because I realized I had wasted precious time pursuing possible husbands instead of trusting God and enjoying what He had for me in that season.

I definitely grew up with some fundamentalist influence, but even as an adult in less legalistic churches, I still heard the same message:

God’s design for women is that they marry and have children. They may do other things, but that is their highest calling.

I’ve been married for ten years, and I just gave birth to my second child. I love being a wife and a mom. But the way the Church talked about that process (from dating to marriage to having children) did not give room for my singleness, for unsuccessful relationships, for mental health and emotional difficulties, for infertility, or for financial and housing hardships. It was widely accepted in the many churches we’ve attended that something was missing in my life when we did not have children. Very few people accepted me as a person before I became a mother.

And that’s a problem because really what we’re doing is idolizing motherhood. We’re giving it a power and status it should not have. We’ve elevated motherhood to a position God never intended, and we’re hurting women in the process.

When we idolize motherhood, we devalue women without children.

We can’t emphasize motherhood as the highest good without devaluing childless women. I’ve seen churches try to justify this perspective by saying things like, “singleness has its purpose too” or “that couple will have children in God’s timing”. But these same people immediately turn around and define motherhood as “women’s highest calling”.

Truthfully, motherhood as a women’s highest calling is a product of our American Church culture and not a reflection of biblical principles. While Scripture does encourage marriage and having children, there are plenty of examples in Scripture where women had callings aside from having children.

No cultural ideal should ever cause us to treat people like they are not enough or have less value. God has a different path for everyone, and His way is always better. The Church needs to respect that when we interact with women who don’t have the roles of wife and mother.

When we idolize motherhood, we punish moms who don’t enjoy it.

Motherhood is hard. There’s sickness and bad behavior, sleep deprivation and very little alone time. I think every mom feels overwhelmed and insufficient at some point.

As a young mom, I wanted to turn to my church for support when things were difficult. But too often I heard uncaring platitudes:

“you’ll miss these days when they’re gone. Enjoy them while you can.”

“at least you can have children. There are lots of women who want what you have.”

“even these moments are holy. You just need to be willing to see that.”

Comments like these made me feel unseen and unloved.

It’s true that every moment of motherhood is holy, but it’s also hard. You can love being a mom and also really dislike the current season/struggle you’re in.

Moms need to hear that they don’t always have to enjoy motherhood, and they don’t have to be perfect either. God gave each mother her specific children to love like Christ would the best that she can. And God makes up the difference and fills in the gaps. We should not and cannot sugarcoat motherhood to make it look more holy. It already is. What moms need from the Church is honest acceptance and support when motherhood is hard.

When we idolize motherhood, we don’t prepare women for empty nests.

I have met so many women in their 50s and 60s who don’t know how to live without actively mothering. Their identity is so entwined with being a mother that not having children at home makes them feel purposeless. Some women fall into depression while others jump into other big commitments, desperately looking for the fulfillment they were hoping to get from motherhood. And some mothers try so hard to stay involved in their adult children’s lives, they end up estranged from the children they spent their whole lives nurturing.

When the Church idolizes motherhood, it builds an expectation that motherhood will fulfill us in a way that only God can. If we rely on motherhood to fulfill us, then our children aging up and leaving home is going to destroy us. The Church needs to encourage women to find their joy and purpose in Christ and help women transition to empty nests in a way that honors young motherhood and also glorifies God.

A Word About Mother’s Day

I didn’t mean to write this post so close to Mother’s Day, but I guess my subconscious was prickling to have this conversation.

I hate going to church on Mother’s Day.

In 32 years of life, I don’t know if I’ve EVER heard what I would consider a biblical message on Mother’s Day. I understand the pressure pastors are under. Mother’s Day is the most attended Sunday of the year after Christmas and Easter. (Father’s Day is the least, by the way. There will be a post on that in the future.) Everyone is expecting a lovely, fluffy, atta-girl message for their mothers, and pastors feel forced to deliver.

But Mother’s Day is a greeting card holiday. The Church is under no obligation to celebrate it. And when people feel forced to deliver a certain kind of message, they tend to misapply or misuse scripture.

The topic of Mother’s Day deserves its own post, so I’ll just say this. I have heard pastors preach the glory of mothers to the total neglect of every other woman in the room. I have heard it emphatically preached that the Bible says all mothers are good. I watched a father who shared custody of his young son with an unsafe woman leave the church building and never come back because he couldn’t reconcile the unbiblical “truth” he was hearing from the pulpit with the experiences his son had at his second home.

We Need Biblical Truth

Whether it’s Mother’s Day or just a regular Sunday, I don’t want or need the kind of “biblical encouragement” that is in direct conflict with the truth I find in scripture. Scripture says my value as a woman comes from being made in the image of God. Full stop. Nothing needs to be added or taken away. I don’t have to be a wife or mother to have value, and if I lose those things, I don’t have any less value.

As a young girl, I repeatedly heard the message that wives and mothers are blessed and are a blessing to others. I did not hear that same message preached about childless or unmarried women. Value was always attached to the women who bore the title of wife and mother, so that’s what I believed I had to be to have value.

The older my daughter gets, the more nervous I become. I wonder if the Church can teach her a better theology of women than it taught me. Can I teach her a better theology of women than the Church taught me? Will we change our narrative and teach that no calling, no role, and no mistake can take away the value inherit in us as creations of God? Or will we continue to sacrifice women to the idol of marriage and motherhood?

As the Church, it is up to each of us to show others that their value comes from being made by God in His image, and nothing else. And that begins with each of us believing and living that truth for ourselves.

Thank you for supporting Grace + Truth Living through your likes, comments and shares! You can also support me by subscribing if you haven’t already or buying me a “coffee” (which is really tea...I’m a tea drinker!). I’m so grateful for all your support and I’m so glad I have the opportunity to encourage your walk with Christ through this newsletter!

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With Love Always,

My husband’s work hours just increased drastically, so I’ve essentially entered a season of solo parenting. I’m also seven weeks postpartum and my three-year-old is struggling with my husband’s increased work hours and having a baby brother who needs more attention than her.

We knew the increased work hours were a possibility, so we did a lot to prepare, physically and emotionally. We’re also blessed to have the help and support of our family and local church. God has been gracious to provide for us in his season. My husband’s work hours will go back to normal within the next few months, but until then, I’m not going to lie. The last two weeks have been demanding and exhausting. This is how I’m navigating this season.

Systems

After I had my son, I started implementing systems to help me keep my family functioning. Those systems have been a huge blessing over the past few weeks. These are the ones that have had the biggest impact:

Capsule Wardrobe

After I gave birth, I went through my clothes and kept out only what I loved and could wear while nursing. I put everything else in bins in the basement or donated it. I stuck to a color palette to make sure things match and purchased a few items (a romper, two nursing tanks, and a button-up) to fill out my wardrobe. It takes me 30 seconds to check the weather and grab something off the rack in the morning. I get complements on my outfits, everything fits well, and I feel confident in everything I wear. It’s a total game changer.

Bath Night

I didn’t have a dedicated bath night with my daughter before, and bathtime always seemed urgent and last-minute. I chose Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday to be our bath nights, and I bathe both kids on those nights. I’ve given myself permission to skip one bath night a week, so at the very least they’re getting baths twice a week (which is plenty; they don’t get dirty often). I also chose Monday, Wednesday and Friday to wash my hair, and I give myself the same permission to skip one day of hair washing. The system is rigid enough to make sure it gets done but flexible enough it can be adjusted as needed.

Dishes

I run the dishwasher overnight (which means I don’t take hot water away from doing laundry during the day). I unload the dishwasher in the morning and load it throughout the day as dishes get dirty. I also handwash the handwash only dishes as they get dirty. I’ve tried to implement this system before and struggled with it, but I finally put the effort into training myself to do it and I’m thrilled. My sink is empty for the first time in years, and dishes don’t take up nearly as much time as they used to because I’m not constantly trying to clear the sink. (NOTE: If you’re struggling to implement this system, I suggest eating out for dinner or using paper plates to give yourself a short break. Then you can use the reprieve to get this system started without feeling overwhelmed by the amount of dirty dishes you have.)

Laundry

Similar to the dishes system, I start a load of laundry in the morning, switch it during the day, and fold it in the evening. I put the laundry away in the morning because then I won’t disturb anyone who is sleeping and my daughter can be responsible for putting away her laundry. One thing I’m adding to this system: I just ordered a magnetic timer to put on the washing machine. When I start a load in the washer, I’m going to set the timer and bring it upstairs with me so I don’t forget to switch the laundry. I never set the timer on my phone, and the laundry is in the basement so I can’t hear the alarm on the washer very well. Systems should evolve as needed and I’ve found this one needs to be tweaked!

Daily Checklists for my Daughter

My three-year-old is wildly independent, so I decided to capitalize on that and make her morning and evening checklists. They’re on the fridge and each checklist has five items. When she finishes each one, she marks it off with a magnet. Truthfully, we don’t use the checklists every day, but on difficult days, I’ll ask if she’s done her checklist and she runs to check off everything she’s done and work on the things she hasn’t done yet. It helps move things along in the morning and at bedtime and gives her a sense of accomplishment. Huge lifesaver when I’m the only adult in the house!

My Morning/Evening Routines

I also have morning and evening routines in the calendar on my phone. I don’t do every task every day, but they guide my mornings and evenings and keep my ADHD brain on track. I’ve included the dishes and laundry tasks as well as things like giving my kids vitamins, cleaning the house, and planning tomorrow’s meals.

Daily Meal Plan

Every week I plan dinners before I go grocery shopping so I can make sure I have what I need. But every evening, I write tomorrow’s date on a dry erase board on my fridge and decide what we’re having for breakfast, lunch and snacks. The plan isn’t rigid; I can change what we’re doing the next day if I need to. But the list eliminates the need for me to make those decisions throughout the day. And I can plan to eat leftovers or food that might spoil so I can make sure we waste as little food as possible.

A quick note on systems:

I was reminded this week that the goal of systems is not to convince ourselves that we are in control or that we have power over situations we do not. Rather, the goal is to create flexible systems that lighten our load and keep things moving when we don’t have much stamina left. I have to remind myself that tasks and systems are there to serve me, not the other way around, and I’m very quick to drop tasks or systems that aren’t working for me in the moment.

Community

I am an introvert. I like people, but being around them exhausts me. In this season, I need more time with other adults, and that means I have to reserve energy for socializing. So, I’m eating out more, ignoring messes we would normally clean up, and lounging around during the day if that means I’ll have the energy to socialize later. Spending time with other families has also helped my daughter regulate, so we’re definitely prioritizing our social lives in this season.

I’m also tapping into our community for help with childcare, meals and tasks. A girl from our church is coming over twice a week to play with my daughter. My mother and mother-in-law both take my daughter some days. Members of our church gave us plenty of gift cards when my son was born, and we saved a lot of them to help with meals. I’ve asked my mom to do some tasks for me (like hemming the curtains for the baby room), and I ask for help with shopping trips, etc. as needed. (My parents just went with me to Lowes to pick up a bathroom vanity because it was on sale and it would have been difficult to pick up on my own.)

I’m trying to balance my need for people with my need for alone time and also balance my need to establish systems that work for us with the need to ask for help to keep my house running. I’m really grateful to have a supportive community in this season and I’m excited to find ways to be that community for others when this season is over!

Jesus

I would not survive this season without Jesus.

Just last week, my pastor preached on James 1 and our need for dependance on God. I definitely see my tendency to rely on my own strength. As I mentioned earlier, we shouldn’t convince ourselves that we’re in control of a situation when we’re not. God carries us through these seasons to help us learn how to rely on Him. Here are a few ways I’ve been looking to God for strength instead of myself.

Recalling What God Has Done

I just finished reading Psalms and I was surprised by how many Psalms are stories of God’s faithfulness. David, for example, constantly reminds his audience (and himself) of what God has done for him and for Israel. These aren’t historical accounts (the historical accounts of these stories are told in other parts of scripture). They’re words of praise to thank God for what He has done and to assure the author and their audience that God will be faithful in their current circumstances.

When I start to feel discouraged and think, I can’t do this, I start recalling the ways God has been faithful to me. I remind myself that God has done great things through me and brought me out of difficult situations before. I just need to trust that He is doing good things.

Speaking Truth to Myself

I’ve noticed it’s easier to accept lies from the devil when you’re already feeling discouraged. I’ve been fighting these lies by speaking truth to myself. I recite verses (like Psalm 23) out loud when I’m feeling anxious. I listen to music that relates to my struggles and encourages me to believe the truth (anything Allison Eide and Jason Grey’s “Order Disorder Reorder” album are particular favorites). And I try to slow down to observe my thoughts and make sure I’m not accepting lies about my situation.

I’m also giving others the opportunity to speak truth to me. I already mentioned community and mine is mostly made up of other believers who are praying for me and actively supporting me in this season. I prioritize time spent at church and with members of my church small group. This season has been a great opportunity to build relationships, and I’m excited to see how God uses this time to grow friendships I might not have invested in otherwise.

Silence, Solitude, and Slowing Down

Chaos and noise make it difficult to hear God, so I’m trying to be intentional about creating moments of silence and solitude. This was already difficult before I entered such a demanding season, so I’m having to be more deliberate about it than ever before. I’ll be honest, I have not been very successful with this one yet. I go to bed shortly after my kids to make sure I have energy for the following day, and I typically have at least one kid in my immediate space at all times.

A few things that have worked: I’ve been running about three times a week. It’s a 30-minute block of time. It’s time I spend alone, and I can choose silence during that time as well. I’ve also been sending my daughter to have a quiet time in her room for 30 minutes every afternoon. I’ve learned that if I time it with a baby nap I get 30 minutes to myself. It’s a work-in-progress, but it’s getting there!

I’m also trying to slow down. There’s so much demanding my attention in this season, and I’ve found myself rushing from task to task without really feeling like I’m getting anything done. Then I get frustrated that I still have so much to do, and I neglect time with God, my husband, and my kids.

I just got a pomodoro timer for my desk, and I’ve found that using it for tasks, quiet time, or play time with my kids keeps me focused on what I’m doing. Every time I see the timer I think, oh yeah, that’s what I’m doing right now. This is the time I have to do it, so I’m not going to worry about anything else. It’s helping me slow down and be present with the task at hand.

Final Notes

I have a Spurgeon quote on my fridge that says, “it is a good thing to be without a trouble; but it’s a better thing to have a trouble and know how to get grace enough to bear it.”

This has been a season of learning how to get grace for myself in my trials. Through relationships with other believers and the truth of God, I’m finding grace for each moment.

I also won’t deny the practicality of systems. Intentional living is biblical, and as long as we don’t look to systems for the grace that only God can give, they’re excellent tools to help us navigate difficult seasons.

I hope that sharing how I’m getting through this difficult time encourages you in your trials as well. I am receiving great comfort from God, and I hope it’s a comfort to you too (2 Cor. 1:4)! If you have any questions or encouragement I would love to hear from you! Feel free to comment below or message me directly.

Thank you for supporting Grace + Truth Living through your likes, comments and shares! You can also support me by subscribing if you haven’t already or buying me a “coffee” (which is really tea...I’m a tea drinker!). I’m so grateful for all your support and I’m so glad I have the opportunity to encourage your walk with Christ through this newsletter!

Buy Me A Coffee! (Tea! ☕)

With Love Always,

Five years ago, my grandpa died.

He went in for surgery to correct an issue with his neck that was causing discomfort. His doctor believed he had at least another ten years to live. He was expected to make a full recovery.

When he came out of surgery, his body was in shock and refused to heal. He was transferred to hospice, where he spoke by pointing at a letter board. When asked how he was doing, he pointed up to heaven to signify that he was ready to go home.

His funeral took place in early 2021, so COVID was still a serious concern. Even so, his funeral was standing room only. I got up in the middle of the service to go to the bathroom and was shocked to find that despite the rows of chairs they’d added at the back of the room, people were standing up lining the back walls. There were so many stories shared about how he loved others and above all, how he loved God. His death was sudden and unexpected, but I felt so much closure saying goodbye to someone I have fond memories of that I know I will see again.

Three years ago, my grandma died (other side of the family, not my grandpa’s wife).

She went in for surgery to remove bladder cancer. She was expected to make a full recovery.

When she came out of surgery, her body didn’t heal, partially because she was angry about her situation and didn’t make good decisions about her own care. She went home, and was shortly thereafter transferred to hospice, where she refused to speak to her husband because he told her only child she was dying. When asked how she was doing, she was bitter and angry.

She didn’t want a funeral or a memorial service. I don’t know who would attend. If I had to share a story at her funeral, I don’t know what I’d say. She was widely absent from my life by choice, and when she chose to be a part of it, I was already used to her absence. She did not love God, though she knew of Him. I pray that she surrendered to Him in her final moments, but a relationship with Him did not define her life. I feel a lack of closure because I didn’t really know her and I have no idea if I’ll see her again.

When my grandpa died, I started thinking a lot about the kind of legacy I want to leave. How do I want family and friends to remember me? What kind of impact do I want to have on others?

When my grandma died, all these questions came up again. But instead, I started asking, how don’t I want family and friends to remember me? What kind of impact don’t I want to have on others?

There are so many parallels in how my grandparents died, but few parallels in how they lived. My grandpa lived for God and even in difficult times found peace in Him. My grandma lived for herself and was consumed by bitterness. It feels wrong to make such a harsh statement of someone who has died, but I think too often we use that as an excuse not to think critically about the legacy they left behind.

My grandpa’s legacy is one of love, wisdom, and worship to God. My grandma’s legacy is one of bitterness, anger and resentment. If I could choose, I want my grandpa’s kind of legacy. And lucky for me, I do get to choose. Not in one defined moment but in the little decisions we make every day.

As I’m writing this, I’m in a postpartum season. My days and nights are filled with nursing, burping, and diaper changes. I’m not getting enough sleep, and it’s easy for me to lose my temper with my husband or my crazy three-year-old.

But those are the legacy moments. It’s those tiny moments when we decide who we’re going to be. And I’m convinced I can’t be the calm, kind and loving person I want to be unless I’m relying on God’s strength.

I see two paths laid out in front of me: one where I pursue God and another where I pursue myself. This is how we choose our legacy. Which path are you going to choose today?

Thank you for supporting Grace + Truth Living through your likes, comments and shares! You can also support me by subscribing if you haven’t already or buying me a “coffee” (which is really tea...I’m a tea drinker!). I’m so grateful for all your support and I’m so glad I have the opportunity to encourage your walk with Christ through this newsletter!

Buy Me A Coffee! (Tea! ☕)

With Love Always,

I have been so excited to share what happened with my C-section and just haven’t had a chance to write it all down.

If you have no idea what I’m talking about, you can read about my decision to have a C-section here, but as a quick recap, I just had my second child and I was given two choices: a VBAC downtown or a C-section at the local hospital. For a variety of reasons, the local hospital was better for my family, so I chose a C-section, even though I had hoped to deliver on my own.

However, after I made that decision (and after the article was published) I was told that if I arrived at the local hospital ready to deliver, they would simply let me deliver there. So, I started praying God’s will would be done and I spent two weeks trying to get myself to go into labor naturally.

I never went into labor and had a C-section as scheduled at the end of February. But the C-section was actually a huge gift of God’s grace, and I want to share why.

The C-Section

The C-section took much longer than it should have. Apparently, I over-produce scar tissue and the scar tissue from my previous C-section made it difficult to get my son out. The scar tissue was the reason my son had never dropped, which is why I never went into labor. During the surgery, I mentioned to my OB that we might not have any more children, and she highly recommended that decision. She told me if I had gone into labor and had an emergency C-section it would not have gone smoothly. And there was no guarantee that another pregnancy (which would definitely end in a C-section) would be safe and healthy.

God’s Provision in This Situation

I know this is all seems like bad news, but God has used to these circumstances to answer a lot of questions and prayers!

1. We were already on the fence about having more kids. I’ve always wanted to have lots of kids. But my pregnancies are HORRIBLE. Finding out it was inadvisable to have more children was the confirmation I’ve been praying for as we’ve discussed not having more children of our own.

2. The scar tissue answers questions about past health issues and informs future health decisions. I’ve had extreme pain near my ovary for years with no answers, but we now believe it was caused by growing scar tissue. This is somewhat concerning because this over-production of scar tissue is genetic and is the reason my grandma passed away a few years ago. But, putting the pieces together at 32-years-old means I can make more informed health decisions, and I can be around longer for my kids. To me, that’s a big win.

3. I hesitated to induce labor. I mentioned before that I tried to induce labor, but if I’m honest, I didn’t try too hard. Something, which I now believe was the Spirit’s prompting, made me feel uncomfortable doing anything that could start contractions. In retrospect, this protected me from going into labor, which would have ended in an emergency C-section.

To sum it up, God provided a safe and healthy delivery for me and my baby and we’re all doing well. And I have clarity on what upcoming seasons may look like and how God has already provided for them!

Our Next Challenge

My husband is an engineer at a facility where the plant workers are about to strike. If they do, my husband will have to work overtime to help cover the missing workers. I was incredibly nervous about going through this season postpartum, but again, God has already provided.

God’s Provision in This Upcoming Season

1. I heal quickly. Although I over-produce scar tissue, I heal quickly from surgery. I’m operating pretty much at the same capacity I was before I was pregnant. I actually ran a little yesterday (and I’m only 5 weeks postpartum!).

2. Our family, friends, and church were incredibly generous. Besides providing meals for us in the first few weeks we were home, people gave us money and gift cards. We saved as much as we could so that I would have more options if my husband is stuck working more hours.

3. My baby sleeps. I hope this one lasts. My son sleeps typically in 2-3 hour intervals overnight, and 1-2 hour intervals during the day. Sometimes at night, he decides he wants to stay up and talk to his momma, but eventually he will go to sleep and he’ll sleep for a few hours. Which means my sleep quality is good enough to get me through some tough days. (As I’m writing this, he just started rolling over at 5 weeks 🙄 Please pray that I figure out how to help him stay asleep wthout having to be swaddled!)

4. I didn’t have postpartum depression or anxiety this time. Last time I had terrible postpartum anxiety that kept me from sleeping, and I had postpartum depression because of the lack of sleep. This time no depression or anxiety has been triggered, so I have more bandwidth for this season. Praise God!

5. God has shown me provision from unexpected sources. A few weeks ago, I was feeling a little nervous about the potential strike. I took my son to his two-week appointment, and the nurse surprised me by asking about my daughter first even though she wasn’t with me. It was such a comfort to know other people are looking out for my kids!

   Then, when we left the doctor’s office, my husband got a fraud alert text from American Express. Since he was driving, I called the number on the back of my card. If you’ve never had to call Amex customer service, just know it was a treat. The call was completely painless, and they took care of the issue so quickly. These were two great reminders that God uses other people and things to provide for us even when we weren’t expecting it!

God has consistently showed me He’ll provide for me in the future, even if my husband’s work hours increase.

Promises to Hold On To

Although I know God will provide for me, the stress of newborn care and the possibility of doing it with less help has made me feel especially lonely. I recently read a devotional highlighting Joshua 1:9 and God’s constant presence in our lives. Here’s a short excerpt:

“The most repeated command in the Bible is, ‘Do not be afraid.’ It’s not a hammer commanding us not to fear but a tender invitation to trust. Especially when it’s combined with the most repeated promise, ‘I am with you.’ This is the reason not to fear – the Lord is with us.” (From Watching for the Morning by Vaneetha Rendall Risner)

The reminder that God is always with me has been a light during a dark time in my life. I’m looking forward to seeing how God’s provision and presence guide me through the upcoming unknowns!

Thank you for supporting Grace + Truth Living through your likes, comments and shares! You can also support me by subscribing if you haven’t already or buying me a “coffee” (which is really tea...I’m a tea drinker!). I’m so grateful for all your support and I’m so glad I have the opportunity to encourage your walk with Christ through this newsletter!

Buy Me A Coffee! (Tea! ☕)

With Love Always,

(I also have a cute new logo that I love so there’s that too!)

Life Update

Baby A is the sweetest little momma’s boy and I am so in love ❤️❤️❤️

Overall, he’s a very healthy baby and we’ve only had a few small hiccups. He’s been a good sleeper but he just rolled over (at 5 weeks, this kid is killing me) so now I have to stop swaddling him and I’m not sure how that’s going to go. Please pray for sleep for both of us!

I’m writing a separate post about how my C-section went and how God provided in that season and is showing provision for seasons to come! I will hopefully share that tomorrow. But for now, suffice it to say God has been incredibly kind and gracious, and we have been very well cared for.

Substack Update

Now that I have the energy to write, I’m busting with ideas, and I have so many things I want to do. Here’s a few things for you to be aware of:

New Focus

I’m attempting to niche down a bit and focus specifically on spiritual formation for women. I’ll still post on a somewhat broad spectrum since spiritual formation encompasses a lot, but the goal will be to help you grow in your relationship with Christ through the topics I discuss. My focus will also be more on women than Christians in general so if you’re a guy, you might not find my content as relatable as it was (sorry about that, but you’re still welcome to come along for the ride!)

Spiritual Formation Coaching

Along with a renewed focus, I am considering taking coaching clients again. I took trial clients a few years ago, but then we moved and life got crazy, so I decided not to pursue coaching. But I have renewed interest in helping women grow spiritually so I’m considering coaching again. Spiritual formation coaching would also give me more perspective on what women are struggling with spiritually and how the Church can help, which is something I’m really passionate about. Please pray for this decision and watch for announcements in the future!

Buy me a Coffee

I have a buy me a coffee button now that you’ll see in upcoming posts. This is a way to support my writing without paying a monthly subscription (I currently do not offer a paid subscription). Please do not feel any pressure to give, but if you appreciate my writing, this is one way to express gratitude. You can also like, share, or comment on my work if giving monetarily isn’t possible right now. Any support I receive is greatly appreciated.

Buy Me A Coffee! (Tea! ☕)

That’s all I have for this update! I’m excited to spend more time writing and hopefully helping you grow closer to God.

With love always,

I have hesitated to post to article. Mostly because I’m not a fan of politics, and I don’t want my Substack to be defined as a “political newsletter”.

But, my heart is hurting. I’m uncomfortable with how the Church is responding to current events, popular politicians and political views. I have avoided the conversation because I don’t want to be a part of it. But I think those of us who are uncomfortable need to speak up. So this article is my small first step in joining the conversation.

I am not seeking to change anyone’s political views or make any spiritual claims about Donald Trump. I talk about Trump a lot in this article but ultimately, this post is not about politics, it’s about the church.

So if you feel the need to debate politics with me after reading this article or you try to force me to make political statements or take sides, you probably won’t hear from me. Again, my purpose in writing here is to talk about the church, not political views or candidates.

How I Met Trump

I have never met Donald Trump face-to-face. We have never had a conversation. There are two moments in my life that define how I view Donald Trump and I want to share those with you today.

My First Exposure to Trump

My first exposure to Donald Trump was seeing clips of The Apprentice when I was young. I remember I was impressed with him because he fired a woman who pulled her pants down on the street to sell chocolate bars. I thought that was reasonable since that’s a very inappropriate thing to do.

My Second Exposure to Trump

My second exposure to Donald Trump came much later, during my second year at Liberty University. It was September 2012 (it makes me feel old to admit that lol), and Trump was invited to speak at Convocation.

Setting the Stage

A little background info you need to know about Convocation. All students living on campus were required to attend Convocation three times a week on Monday, Wednesday and Friday mornings. We started with worship, had a few announcements from campus leaders, and resumed with worship. During the last worship song, the speaker of the day would be led onstage along with campus leadership and would sit in designated chairs off to the side until it was time to speak. (I believe this practice was changed later because of what happened on this particular day when Trump was speaking.) The speaker had about 30 minutes to speak and then Convocation would end and we would go about our days.

The day Trump spoke was a little different. I remember arriving to discover my section was full of people I didn’t know (on-campus students had assigned seating so it was odd to find I didn’t have a seat to sit in). Apparently, the president, Jerry Falwell Jr., had invited people from the community to come see Trump speak (after this event, on-campus students were not required to attend Convocation when they thought the crowd would be too big. For example, when Tim Tebow spoke. I’m pretty sure the fire marshall was a bit upset about this gathering.) I sat on a step with my roommate and her boyfriend, who had styled his hair like Trump’s for the day and I thought it looked ridiculous. Convocation started and it was obvious Liberty had pulled out all the stops.

My favorite part of the morning was that one of the vocal groups from the School of Music led the last song. My friend was a part of that group and I had never seen her sing with them so that was really cool. Also, the song was “Lord, You’re Holy”, which is an incredible piece with amazing orchestral background and this bridge that stacks key changes on top of each other in this absolutely incredible arrangement (sorry, my music geek comes out every time I talk about it…it’s a great song).

Trump’s Arrival

As the worship team was leading, most of us were standing and worshiping with them. And then, they brought in Trump.

I need to paint this picture for you and I’m not sure I can do it justice. We’re at the height of the song, during the bridge. The bridge is repeated several times with the key rising repeatedly as it’s sung. The arrangement is incredibly powerful and each key change emphasizes the bridge even more than the last. The words of the bridge are as follows:

Wonderful, glorious, holy, and righteous
Victorious, conqueror, triumphant and mighty
Healer, deliverer, shield and defense
Strong tower and my best friend
Omnipotent, omnipresent
Soon coming king
Alpha, omega, lord of everything
Holy, holy, holy is Your name

So as the key changes and we begin the bridge again, Trump is brought onstage. He gives the crowd a big smile and a wave and pretty much everyone cheers. People who weren’t standing jump to their feet. Students who were worshiping stop worshiping to cheer for Trump. And I just need you to read those lyrics again and imagine this man walking on stage smiling and waving at everyone as they cheer for him and this choral group sings those words:

Wonderful, glorious, holy, and righteous
Victorious, conqueror, triumphant and mighty
Healer, deliverer, shield and defense
Strong tower and my best friend
Omnipotent, omnipresent
Soon coming king
Alpha, omega, lord of everything
Holy, holy, holy is Your name

My Soul Grieved

At that moment, something I can’t entirely explain happened in my body. I have a history of panic attacks, and it was certainly loud and crowded. But this was not a panic attack.

I felt no danger. I didn’t feel like I was dying. But something in me grieved. I had this feeling deep in my chest that something wasn’t right. I fell on the step, and I think I would have fallen to my knees if the steps hadn’t been stone and shallow. I started sobbing uncontrollably, even though I didn’t feel upset at all. It was like something in me was mourning, lamenting what was happening and all I could think was, this is wrong. This is wrong. This is wrong.

The song finished. The crowd died down. Trump spoke. I don’t remember much he spoke about. I was really uncomfortable sitting on the step and I just wanted to leave. I felt nothing when people cheered for him again except this strange feeling of grief deep in my chest. I’ve carried that feeling of mourning in my chest since even though it still doesn’t feel like my own.

What I’m Sure Of

That was fourteen years ago. I’ve thought about that day a lot, especially as Donald Trump became president and the American Church has widely responded with pleasure over his presidency (even when his policies don’t always reflect biblical values). As I’ve reflected on that day, there are two things I’m sure of:

1. It was the Holy Spirit in me that grieved. The situation was wrong. During a time of worship set aside for our Creator, as we sang powerful words about who He is and what He will do, our attention turned to a mere man. It doesn’t matter who the man was. The situation was inappropriate. It was disgusting. It was wrong.

2. This isn’t about Trump, it’s about the church. Do I think it was appropriate for Trump to wave when he came on stage? No, I don’t. The other speakers we had up until that point recognized the moment was not for them and chose to sit on the stage and wait for worship to end. Like I mentioned earlier, I think Liberty changed their policy about bringing major speakers on stage during worship because it’s awkward for the speakers too if everyone starts cheering for them and they don’t respond. I was disappointed by his actions, but I don’t hold contempt for him over that moment. However, I have vastly different feelings about the Christians in that room.

Based on how many students were living on-campus when I attended (even assuming they were not all believers) it’s easy to assume that Christians outnumbered unbelievers at least 3:1 when Trump came in.

So my question is: why was he worshiped by almost every single person in that room?

“You Are A Hindrance To Me…”

In Matthew 16:13-20, Jesus asks His disciples who they say He is. Peter answers in verse 16 and says, “you are the Messiah, the Son of the living God” (CSB). This is a big moment because it’s the first time one of the twelve has openly declared that Jesus is God’s Son. Peter did well. And he was probably proud of himself.

Maybe a little too proud. Because in the next section (verses 21-23), Jesus tells His disciples that He is going to be killed. Peter’s response is to pull Jesus aside and correct Him, telling Him, “This will never happen to you!” (16:22 CSB).

Jesus does not hesitate to call Peter out. Verse 23 says, “Jesus turned and told Peter, ‘Get behind me Satan! You are a hindrance to me because you’re not thinking about God’s concerns but human concerns.’”

We Are Driven By Fear

To speak plainly, I see a lot of fear in the Christians who support Trump. I hear them say, “our country is a mess”, “we need someone to fix this”, “he’s the president that can make our country safe/profitable/great again”, etc.

But those things, those reasons for embracing and uplifting Trump, are human concerns. They’re concerns about physical safety, financial stability, world status, etc. It’s not that those things hold no importance, but they are still mere human concerns, not concerns of God.

What God is concerned about He has made clear through all of scripture. Here’s a few examples:

Micah 6:8 - “Mankind, he has told each of you what is good
and what it is the Lord requires of you:
to act justly,
to love faithfulness,
and to walk humbly with your God.”

Matthew 22:37-39 - “He said to him, ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind. ^{(Deut. 6:5)} This is the greatest and most important command. The second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself.’” ^{(Lev. 19:18)}

James 1:27 - “Pure and undefiled religion before God the Father is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself unstained from the world.”

(All CSB)

I see us acting justly when it’s in our interest. Showing mercy when we also benefit from it. Loving God when it’s convenient, but looking to people when we’re afraid God won’t come through for us. Loving our neighbor only when our neighbor looks and acts in ways we find agreeable. Looking after orphans and widows when it’s convenient for us. Loving the things of this world and refusing to give up our comfort in them.

I Confess…

I confess that I also have been driven by fear. Though I may not agree with the actions of our current president, I am quick to stay silent when those actions are discussed because I don’t want to ruffle feathers. I don’t want to offend other believers. I don’t want to cause division.

But I think those of us who want to live according to God’s concerns, even if we do it imperfectly, need to speak up. When we see injustice done, we need to call it out. We need to be the first to practice mercy and grace towards others. We need to love God more than the opinions of man, and we need to protect our neighbors even when they don’t look like us. We need to care for the hurting, including the orphans and widows (and maybe not support policies that will create more of them?). We need to be different from the world by focusing on God’s concerns and not earthly concerns.

This is not about Trump. I may not be his biggest fan, but I am much more concerned with the Church’s response to Trump than I am with what he does or says.

Lest we forget, Jesus’s reaction to Peter focusing on earthly concerns was to say “get behind me Satan! You are a hindrance to me…”. We need to honestly ask ourselves, are we being a hindrance to the cause of Christ because of our actions or inaction? Are the things we champion pointing people to or away from Christ?

Let us not be people driven by fear, or by the pressure to keep with the crowd. Let us be people who are faithful to God’s call, who know God’s concerns and champion His concerns above all else.

With Love Always,

Brigette

Life is not going the way I’d hoped.

I am 32-weeks pregnant with my second (and likely last) child. With my first, I had an emergency C-section. I was looking forward to having a normal delivery with this second child, and I was assured by several OBs that was a possibility. And it is. But not in a way that works for my family.

Today I learned that if I want to try for a normal delivery, I will have to deliver at the main hospital downtown. This is a problem for several reasons but the main issue is distance. The main hospital would put us farther away from family, our daughter, and all the places my husband will need to go to get me food after I deliver. (I have a million allergies and hospital food will not cut it.)

Over the last year, God has been teaching me a lot about my limits and has made me more aware of how my decisions affect my family. When I over-commit, I have less time, energy and patience for my husband and daughter. When I don’t rest, I run out of energy for basic tasks like laundry and cooking, and that puts more pressure on my husband. When I’m not honest about what I can handle, I experience severe anxiety and put my baby at risk. I’ve been learning to consider not just what I want, but how what I choose affects them.

So it only took me the 15-minute drive home from the OB’s office today to decided a C-section at the local hospital is just a better decision for my family. And now, I am seriously grieving.

It seems inappropriate to grieve over something like this. After all, my baby is healthy. There are so many pregnancies that end too soon. I should be grateful. And I am. But I am also hurt. Disappointed. Broken.

Somehow, I feel like less of a woman. Less of a mother. An imposter. How can I say I gave birth to my child when I didn’t even labor? It’s not like I don’t want to labor. I was really hoping I could. I want to experience bringing a child into the world the way God made my body to…

I break down writing this. My three-year-old sees me crying and gives me a hug. She asks what’s wrong. Gives me a tissue. Blames my phone for making me cry because I was writing on my phone when I started crying. (I love her.)

My daughter is a miracle. She was a touch-and-go pregnancy. You never knew what would happen next. I wouldn’t trade her for anything. Not even for the chance to deliver naturally.

But I will still grieve. One thing I don’t think most Christians understand is the need to hold two things that seem opposed together. God Himself holds love and justice in tandem. By human standards, that feels impossible. But it’s not. It’s necessary.

And sometimes it is necessary for us to hold things together that don’t seem to fit. Grief over a C-section and gratitude over a healthy baby. Sorrow over a death but peace over the gracious way they passed. Fear over a move or job change but hope that God is leading us into better things.

In the Garden of Gethsemane, Jesus sweat blood. He felt the depth of stress and sorrow over what was about to happen. He still chose to die. He knew it would bring hope. He held sorrow and hope together. But the hope did not dull the sorrow of what was coming.

We are allowed to be grateful. And we are allowed to grieve. We can hold both of those things. We must hold both of those things. Gratitude cannot dull grief. And grief cannot dull gratitude. Both must be felt and lived and breathed through.

So grieve. Rejoice. Let yourself feel. Let God hold your sorrow and your joy. He is not a stranger to either of them. And He has given us permission to hold both things together.

I knew I was a writer when I read the “Portraits of Little Women” series as a child. I hated Jo March. She terrorized her family. She destroyed her clothing, and then Beth and Amy had to wear them because the family couldn’t afford new clothes. She was disobedient and disrespectful. I just hated her.

But.

One day I read that after everyone else was asleep, she would sneak up to the attic and write. She wrote stories, plays, and poetry. She would write for hours until the candle had nothing left to burn and she was too tired and cold to keep her eyes open. She said she wrote better late at night, and it was worth falling asleep all the next day because she knew the attic would be there and she could write again.

Something in me shifted. I no longer hated Jo March. I understood her on a deep level. Staying up late to write sounded like a dream I didn’t know I had.

I hadn’t written anything. But, that’s when I knew I was writer.

I Forced My Calling

As I’ve gotten older I’ve realized that writing is only a part of my calling. I want to speak, teach, and communicate. I feel compelled to share my experience with God and His Word through any creative medium I can manage.

So over the years, I have tried to mold myself to a certain image. A Christian woman speaker/writer/teacher should have a website. An Instagram where she posts cute quotes and relatable content. She should read all of these books (produces a long list of “required reading”). Listen to all the podcasts. Have a podcast. A blog. A landing page. A email list. Freebies to give away. A private email address.

Truthfully, I enjoyed doing some of these things and I still feel called to some of them. But most of these things were a recipe for burnout. And I did burn out. Over and over again. Because I was trying to mold myself to an image I created rather than the one God created. The desire, the calling itself, isn’t bad. But when we take that desire out of the Creator’s hands and try to make it happen all on our own, that’s when we start to lose the plot.

Moses is a great example.

Moses Tried To Force His Calling…

Most people don’t realize that Moses knew what God had called him to do before the burning bush. But he failed, because he tried to do it his way instead of God’s way.

Acts 7:23-25 says,

“When he (Moses) was forty years old, he decided to visit his own people, the Israelites. When he saw one of them being mistreated, he came to his rescue and avenged the oppressed man by striking down the Egyptian. He assumed his people would understand that God would give them deliverance through him, but they did not understand.” (bold mine)

Moses had some understanding that God intended for him to rescue the Israelites. But he tried to do it his way. He thought his fellow Hebrews would understand his calling, but instead they saw him as a murderer (and rightfully so, because he did murder someone). Moses had to flee Egypt because Pharaoh found out what he had done and tried to kill him (Exodus 2:15).

Moses fled to the desert, got married, and spent the next 40 years caring for his father-in-law’s sheep. He probably forgot about his calling. (Or at least tried to forget. Can any of us really forget the deepest God-given desires of our hearts?)

…Then He Tried To Give Up

And then, when Moses was 80 years old, God met him in a burning bush and said, “I have observed the misery of my people in Egypt…. I am sending you to Pharaoh so that you may lead my people, the Israelites, out of Egypt.” (Exodus 3:7-10)

I can only imagine what Moses was thinking when he heard that. Now, Lord? I was willing then. I was younger and more able then. I had an opportunity and I blew it. I’ve been watching sheep in the desert for 40 years. This is the opposite of prepared. Why me? Why now?

And then God uses Moses to do miraculous things. Because He’s the Creator, He made Moses for this purpose, and He knows how to open doors that we can only try to force open.

This is How It Goes

I think Moses’s story mirrors an interesting part of the human condition. God gives us deep desires in our hearts: to have children, to start a business, to write a book, etc. Most of us jump in headfirst and try to make it all happen on our own and in our own way.

When it doesn’t work, we give up. (Or at least, we try to give up. I think maybe there are a lot of broken hearts from unfulfilled longings out there because we refuse to let God have control.) If we do try again, we usually just try harder, which means more burnout, more recovery time, and more frustration.

So What Should You Do With The Desires God Put In Your Heart?

First, slow down. I think especially in the American church we’ve combined the biblical concept of “don’t be lazy” with the cultural concept of “if you work hard enough, you can achieve anything”. But God is not calling us to strive. He will not give us a desire that kills us. That doesn’t mean it won’t be hard, but too many of us are moving at breakneck speed because we think that’s the only way to accomplish our callings. It’s not. It’s better with God. So slow down and go at His pace.

Second, prepare in the waiting. Moses probably didn’t realize what God was doing during those 40 years he tended sheep in the desert. But sheep are stupid. And herding them can be frustrating. Moses probably learned some patience he would need when leading the Israelites through the desert. He may have also learned some survival skills from living in the desert.

There are ways you can prepare for your calling now while the doors are still closed. While I wait, I’m reading and writing more. I’m working on projects that may never see the light of day, but they’re improving my communication skills so I’ll be ready when God calls me. While you wait, read books, take classes, build relationships and pray for your heart’s desires. You’re not wasting time when you choose to prepare instead of forcing your calling. You’re doing it the better way, God’s way.

Third, walk through the door when God opens it. I am not advocating for laziness or expecting God to do everything for you. I’m just saying you shouldn’t force a door that only God can open. When He does open the door, walk through it with confidence knowing He has prepared you for this.

How Do You Know It’s Time?

Now, here’s the million-dollar question: how do I know God has really opened a door, and I’m not just trying to force it open?

I think the most telling thing for me is my expectations. I know I’m trying to force a door open when I’m upset my post doesn’t get as many likes as I wanted or I’m disappointed someone else was asked to speak at a women’s event. The more I have let God take the reigns, the more I celebrate other people’s success and the less concerned I am with how I’m doing compared to them.

When I notice the monsters of comparison, resentment or anxiety rising up, I know that I’m slowly trying to take back my calling and mold it on my own. So I pause, and I take time to let go and give it back to God.

I will also say, I don’t know if Moses ever realized it was “time” because his calling wasn’t exactly what he expected. That molded image of what we think our calling should look like keeps us from noticing when God is moving. If we keep our eyes on Him, we don’t have to worry about whether every door leads “closer” to our calling. We can just trust Him to get us there in His timing and in His way.

Learning to Let God

I don’ think I will ever get this 100% right. I spent a lot of years chasing a calling I created rather than the one God created for me. Pulling back and letting Him take control has been a hard process, but it has totally been worth it!

If you’re struggling with a desire in your heart that you’re afraid will never be fulfilled, give all of that anxiety and frustration to Him. His way is much better than the one we build for ourselves.

I am a huge fan of the singer/songwriter Allison Eide (go check her out). I’ve been playing one of her newest songs, Digital Jesus, on repeat for over a month. I won’t do the song justice if I try to describe it, so here’s the first verse and the chorus (and the video is at the bottom of this post):

I numb the grief like it’s my day job, but I don’t blame myself
There’s a lot of pain within that could kill a heart
And then I’m backed up in the corner on the floor bleeding out
While a thousand voices scream, “You don’t pray
Hard enough or believe enough or confess enough.”
Well, I sure have had enough

God, I want to run
Get me out of this town
Throw my phone into the ocean
And delete all my accounts
‘Cause I don’t know who you are anymore
And it’s time to go find out
So while the world follows digital Jesus
I’m signing out

The first time I heard that song, I think I cried. And I had so many emotions and questions:

Has social media affected me that badly? I haven’t even been on Instagram or Facebook for six months. How could social media be my problem? Can you just delete your accounts? I kind of want to do that. Should I do that? God, should I do that??

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“God I Want to Run”

I think the tears and questions came because I have felt distant from God for months. I’ve struggled to have my quiet time. I haven’t engaged at church like I used to. I’ve just felt very spiritually…dry.

At the same time, I love God and I want a relationship with Him. So I’ve been doing everything I can to engage with Him, but I’ve just felt…nothing. No growth, no desire, just like an empty shell. And I’ve been trying to figure out why I felt so off.

Then I listened to this song and I started to think, have I replaced the One True God with the “god” that social media portrays Him to be? Even though I haven’t been on social media for months, could that be why I feel so far from Him? Is it that I don’t know Him anymore?

“Delete All My Accounts”

So after arguing with myself for awhile, I deleted my Facebook and Instagram accounts. I hesitated because I have ADHD and sometimes I do things impulsively without thinking things through. I had to keep asking myself, are there people I would lose contact with? Is it okay to let go of my following on Instagram and focus on Substack? What if there are pictures on my Facebook or Instagram I don’t have saved anywhere else? I finally convinced myself to do it, and I expected myself to feel a little different.

But I didn’t. I felt pretty much the same.

Until a few days ago when I realized I finished a Bible project I’ve been trying to get myself to do forever. I’ve started investigating things in Scripture I’m curious about again. I’ve been reading through prayers in the Bible and taking notes about how the saints prayed to God. My time with God is increasing, becoming more frequent and genuine, completely of my own volition.

Not only that, but outside of intentional time with God, I’m talking to Him more throughout the day, and I’ve picked up other healthy habits like reading fiction in the evenings instead of watching TV and creating and writing more in my free time. I’m more patient with my family, I feel less depressed, I have more energy, the list of positive changes is endless.

“I Don’t Know Who You Are Anymore”

So now I’m asking, what kind of hold did social media have on me that even after months of not being on social media it was still affecting my soul?

And here’s what I’ve come up with.

We treat social media like the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit’s job is to help and counsel us (John 15:26), to teach and guide us (Luke 12:11-12) and to convict us of sin (John 16:8). As we have gotten in the habit of scrolling far too much, we’ve started to treat social media like it should be guiding and convicting our souls too.

That might sound crazy, but Christian social media feeds into this heavily. People post things like, “you should be reading your Bible like this…”, “this story should convict you to change…”, “if you’re not practicing this spiritual discipline then…”, etc. Like Allison says, “you don’t pray hard enough, or believe enough, or confess enough.”

I don’t think Christians on social media are intentionally trying to be the Holy Spirit for others. Not all the time, anyway. Sometimes we just share personal stories we think might apply to others, or we’re going for the shock factor and we word things too vehemently.

But, it is a tendency of the human heart to try to replace God. To be our own “god”, so to speak. And there are plenty of times in real life when we try to be the Holy Spirit for other people. We try to convict them of their sin, counsel them in things we don’t understand, or guide them through situations in our own wisdom rather than praying with them for wisdom. If you’re a Christian struggling to control an urge to be “god”, then social media just gives you a new platform and a new method of playing Holy Spirit.

“It’s Time To Go Find Out”

Unfortunately, if we try to play “god” we will fall short. Too often the voices we hear on social media aren’t voices of conviction, they’re voices of condemnation. And even though I stayed off social media for months, I think those feelings of condemnation stuck with me. When I took the step forward to delete my accounts, I inadvertently freed myself from those opinions. I basically said, what other people have to say about my faith and my walk with God doesn’t matter anymore. I freed myself of chains I didn’t know I was carrying because of a simple act of obedience to God. And now I’m walking freely with God again.

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“I’m Signing Out”

I am not advocating for every Christian to get off of social media. (Even Substack is a kind of social media, it’s just a little different).

But it’s clear to me that Christian social media bullied my faith. When you’re scrolling through quick snippets of curated Christian content, it can be an absolute barrage of accusations against how you champion your faith. I adopted so much guilt and shame over not living the “perfect” Christian life, it’s like my soul gave up trying and just resigned itself to living condemned.

I do think that God can speak to us through social media posts, but I am also convinced that is not His primary way of communicating with us. I mean, come on, He spoke to people for thousands of years before social media existed. And we have His actual Word available to us. So why should we look for life in the words or opinions of other people?

We are doom-scrolling our way into a new theology. And if we refuse to engage directly with God, and instead let other Christians on social media tell us who we are and what we believe, than we are not following the God of the Bible. Allison calls this god “digital Jesus”. I think whatever we call it, we desperately need to sign out.