If you are wondering whether you should hit yourself in the face with a hammer, the answer is typically no. Yet that’s what some people on TikTok seem to be doing with the stated goal of improving their facial appearance.

Yes, you heard that correctly. People have been using the term “bone smashing” to refer to this practice of hitting their faces with hammers, bottles, massagers, or other blunt objects in the pursuit of beauty. In fact, videos with the phrase “bone smashing tutorial” have already garnered over 267.7 million views on TikTok. But regardless of what some TikTokers and other pro-bone smashers may say about this practice, keep in mind that there is no evidence that breaking the bones in your face will be a smashing success—unless, of course, your goal is to cause yourself pain and do some real damage to your face.

‘Wolff’s Law’ Is Being Used To Justify Bone Smashing

How are people even justifying the practice of self-pummeling one’s own face? Well, they appear to be crying Wolff, meaning that they are citing something called Wolff’s Law. Back in the 1800s, a little before TikTok became a thing, German anatomist and surgeon Julius Wolff formulated Wolff’s Law.

Wolff’s Law is based on the observation that you and your bones are not like a Ken doll. Rather than being completely inanimate structures, your bones are constantly undergoing remodeling, with old or damaged bone continuously being resorbed and replaced by newly laid bone. Applying mechanical force or physical stress to your bones can actually increase the rate at which such remodeling occurs and, in the process, result in stronger, thicker bones. Conversely, the lack of such force or stress can lead to thinner and weaker bones. That’s one of the reasons why physical activity, especially weight-bearing exercises, can help maintain bone strength and prevent bone loss.

So, the bone-headed claim is that you can use a blunt object to cause fractures in your face in a manner that can reshape your face from what it looks like now. It’s essentially being touted as a permanent makeover, allowing you to give yourself a more “chiseled” look, so to speak. And the belief is that when the bones in your face heal from, you know, beating the bleep out of them, they will actually become even stronger, because “That which doesn’t kill you makes you stronger,” right? Why not then start treating your face as if it were one of those statues on Easter Island? What could possibly go wrong?

The Risks Of Bone Smashing

Umm, plenty. Just because Wolff’s Law may apply with certain types of mechanical stress doesn’t mean that you can bang the heck out of your bones. There’s a big difference between the mechanical force on your bones that comes from walking or lifting weights in an appropriate manner versus the force from a blow from a blunt object. The latter can cause some really nasty fractures, and no one typically says, “The good news is that I fractured my bones.”

Sure, bones may heal after they’ve been fractured. But they don’t always heal in the right way and in the correct configuration. You aren’t a freaking ice sculpture. You can’t simply carve out how you want your face to look. Cracking your facial bones with a hammer could leave them deformed and your face even worse off, regardless of what you think about your current appearance.

Plus, your face isn’t just all bones. It includes stuff like various soft tissues, connective tissues, and eyeballs that could get irreparably damaged. Pounding your face with a blunt object could also result in bleeding and lesions that would be at high risk of getting infected.

The Bone Smashing Trend Oversimplifies How Bones Work

Moreover, Wolff’s Law is a gross oversimplification of how bones work. Mechanical stress isn’t the only thing that contributes to your bone density and strength. Other factors such as your nutritional status to your levels of various hormones—such as parathyroid hormone—play important roles. Your face won’t collapse if you don’t do weight-bearing exercises such as strapping a barbell to your face—which by the way is not a good idea.

If you are down on your appearance, it’s not a good idea to get hammered in any way, especially when doing so involves an actual hammer. There are many ways to face your insecurities and feel better about yourself. Causing pain and potentially irreversible damage to your face is not one of them.

Air conditioning can be a cool thing to have when it gets hot outside—literally and figuratively. But there can be drawbacks to staying in an air-conditioned area too long, especially if what it’s doing to the air isn’t apparent.

The Benefits Of Air Conditioning

You’ve probably experienced the relief of going from being bathed in heat and humidity to entering an air-conditioned room. It can feel like that great reveal in a rom-com when two people realize that they are meant for each other. Thinking, sleeping, moving around, and doing seemingly everything can be a lot easier when you aren’t sweating profusely and feeling like a potato in a microwave. Being in lower-temperature surroundings can reduce the risk of heat-related problems such as dehydration and stroke. Plus, air conditioning can improve indoor air quality by filtering out different allergens, pollutants, insects, and other organisms. Moreover, lower humidity can decrease the risk of mold growing and your stuff getting damaged by moisture.

Air Conditioning Can Make The Air Too Dry

However, it’s not always all rainbows and unicorns with air conditioning. One of the risks of air conditioning is that it can make the air too dry. This can dry out your eyes, skin, and potentially airways. Therefore, it is a good idea to make sure that you stay properly moisturized and hydrated while staying in air-conditioned areas for extended periods of time.

Air Conditioning Can Lead To The Build-Up Of Indoor Pollutants

Another risk is not enough ventilation when the air is just being re-circulated without replenishment with new fresh air. This can lead to the build-up of indoor pollutants from the various appliances and equipment that you are using. For example, running a laser printer can spew toner particles into the air that you may end up breathing in if there isn’t enough ventilation in the room. Similarly, if someone has brought infectious pathogens like severe acute respiratory syndrome coronavirus 2 (SARS-CoV-2) into the area, an air-conditioned room may not have enough ventilation to keep it from hanging on, to borrow words sung by The Supremes and Kim Wilde.

Therefore, stay aware of how much ventilation is occurring in a room. Check whether the air conditioner is simply recirculating the same air versus providing ventilation as well. See if the air conditioning unit is filtering the air, too. If not, consider installing or using a machine that has a high efficiency particulate air (HEPA) filter than can effectively remove at least 99.97% of dust, pollen, mold, bacteria, and any airborne particles that are as small as 0.3 microns. It also may help to periodically open the windows to air out the room.

The Air Conditioner Can Be Dirty, But Not In An Erotic Sense

A third potential risk is the air conditioning system itself. All air conditioners are not created equally. They can vary significantly in design, quality, and age. When an air conditioner is not kept clean, mold and other debris can build up in different parts, turning the system into one of those mist machines you may see at a music concert, except that you can’t see the mist and all the bad stuff in it. A poorly designed or too old air conditioner can spew all sorts of other pollutants into the air. So, stay aware of what machines may be doing stuff to your air, regularly clean them, and replace them if needed.

Staying In An Air-Conditioned Room All Day Can Make You Miss Out On The Outdoors

Finally, when you stay in air-conditioned rooms all day, you may be missing all the great things that the great outdoors has to offer. Unless you live inside the Caesars Superdome—or whatever sponsor’s name is attached to it these days—in New Orleans, indoor areas may not provide you with expansive enough room to stay as physically active. Additionally, remaining indoors won’t give you the benefits of exposure to sunlight—yes, the sun is not all bad—such as stimulating Vitamin D production and regulating your sleep-wake cycle. Then there are all the mental health benefits of being outside and exposed to nature.

So, before it gets too hot to handle, get a handle on how your indoor areas are being air conditioned. And even when the heat is on outside, try to still find ways to make it outdoors here and there—as long as you take proper precautions. This way, you can make sure that everything’s cool with your health.

It’s been a few days since New Year’s Day. Have you broken all of your New Year’s resolutions yet?

If you have, welcome to what’s called reality. New Year’s resolutions can be like many Hollywood marriages. They can stick for a bit. Then something happens, and suddenly they’re not there anymore. A study published in the Journal of Clinical Psychology revealed fairly grim statistics when following 159 people who had made New Year’s resolutions. Just two weeks into the New Year, 29% had already fallen off the boat. At the one-month mark, 36%. And six months into the year, 54% were no longer on course.

One problem is that people can really stink at making resolutions. Many resolutions are basically set-ups to fail. In fact, some of the most common resolutions are also some of the worst. Here are 10 of them:

10. Set goals.

So you are resolving to make resolutions later? That’s a bit like getting down on one knee and telling your significant other that you would really like to get engaged someday. This is basically not making a resolution and then using false advertising.

9. Be good, be kind, be better, be best, or be whatever vague assessment word that you use.

What the bleep does this mean? Be kind? Be kind of what? Be kind of vague?

Be better or be good aren’t much better or good either. Be better at what exactly? In 2020, I have already become better at walking down the street with the sole of my shoe coming off, because that never happened last year, or the year before. Vague resolutions are pretty meaningless and therefore easy to break, or fulfill, depending on your point of view. Instead, be specific about how you are going to be better or more kind. Maybe you can resolve to contact that person whom you bullied and make real amends. Or volunteer to help a good cause. Or stop calling your co-workers pediculous, which, by the way, means lice-infested.

8. Improve your health or eat better.

Speaking of vague, saying that you will improve your health without specifying how exactly is meaningless as well. Promising to eat better makes things a bit more specific, bringing the focus to your mouth, unless, of course, you are a plant. But can you still be more specific such as “ I will no longer drown my sorrows in Cheez Whiz” or “I will start reading food labels and avoid everything that has over 30% sodium?”

7. Have more sex, get a significant other, or get married.

These resolutions all fall into the category of “requires someone else to consent to fulfill.” Unless you are making a joint resolution with someone else who willingly agrees with you, you would be missing at least one half of puzzle here, or more than that, depending on what happens to be your thing. Don’t make resolutions that are beyond your control or make you believe that you have control when you really don’t or shouldn’t. Remember what Morpheus said in The Matrix about free will. Replace such resolutions with something that you can instead control, namely yourself. Try resolutions like “I will be open to dating a wider range of people”, “I will no longer insist that my significant other looks like one of the Avengers” or “I will try to shower regularly.”

6. Become an Olympic Gold Medalist, turn into Captain Marvel, exercise four hours a day, or anything that is just not attainable for you.

“You can do anything you set your mind to” is how the saying goes, right? Wrong. No, you can’t. There are limits to what you can do based on your innate talents, abilities, circumstances, and available time.

That doesn’t mean that you should just give up and flood your mouth with Cheese Whiz. Instead, set more realistic short-term goals, ones that fit you and your current situation. If the only running that you do now is to the bathroom, don’t resolve to “win a marathon” this year. “Complete one” may be a little more realistic. Or how about “run a mile without crawling and sobbing”? Or even, “run.” If you make a goal too unrealistic, chances are you will get frustrated and just quit. Start modestly and raise your goals only after you’ve achieved your initial ones.

5. Have a body like or be like (insert name of celebrity).

Gee, what would be great for your self-confidence and feeling of self-worth? How about trying to be someone completely different? How about aiming to be someone whom you don’t even know and who doesn’t know you? Oh, and try to do it without the same resources, helpers, make-up, airbrushing, and CGI that he or she has. Yeah, this is going to end well.

Bottom line: don’t try to be someone else, unless, of course, it’s Baby Yoda. Then you’d be adorable.

4. Join a gym or get some type of exercise equipment.

OK, this is a resolution that’s fairly easy to keep. You just have to have a credit card and be willing to use it. The problem is joining a gym or buying that tummy vibrator alone is not going to do anything except make your wallet lighter. Gyms can make a healthy profit from new memberships in January that go unused later in the year. Instead, choose an activity that you can more easily integrate into your daily activities, like resolving to bike to work, join a sports league, or doing jumping jacks on your boss’s desk. The last of these will help you if one of your other resolutions happens to be “quit my job.”

3. Do some extreme or crash diet or any other type of drastic behavior.

You are not a microwave oven. You can’t just turn and off at a moment’s notice. For example, if you’ve been smoking for many years, simply quitting cold turkey is probably not going to work. You have to ease into behavior change, making small gradual changes. Plus, many types of radical behavior changes like crash diets, diets that focus too heavily on one thing, or too intense physical activity can be quite unhealthy.

2. Lose X pounds.

This is an outcome and not a behavior change. This is like saying that your goal when looking for a job is to get rich. You can’t guarantee yourself that you will lose a certain amount of weight. Not everyone is the same. Some people can do all the “right things” and still not lose weight. Focusing on the outcome and not the journey can lead to really unhealthy situations like crash dieting to meet a goal or feeling depressed when you can’t achieve the goal. Instead, resolve to change something you can better control, like cutting down on processed foods, and then see what happens.

1. What you resolved to do in 2024, and 2023, and 2022.

It’s been said that "insanity is doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting different results." If you haven’t been able to keep a resolution before, what makes you think that things will be different this year? Maybe it’s time to find other resolutions.

Remember, the key to making a good resolution is to make it as specific as possible and readily attainable. Oh, and make it something that’s actually healthy and a positive change for you. After all, resolving to drink 1,000 packets of coffee creamer is very specific and very doable, but it may not be the kind of resolution that you want to make.

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There’s a popular slang word for erection that rhymes with owner, stoner, and loner. But what was recently reported in the journal Urology Case Reports wasn’t simply a case of that. Rather it was a case of penile ossification—the insides of a man’s penis literally turning into a bony material. And since your penis is normally not supposed to have any bones in it, it isn’t hard to see why this situation became a case report.

How The Man Was Diagnosed With Penile Ossification

You could say in hindsight that the 63-year-old man fell into his diagnosis. He was walking on the sidewalk with his cane, slipped, and fell on his butt. The resulting left knee pain prompted him to go to the emergency department in the Bronx, New York City.

At the ED, a history and physical revealed that the patient was also suffering from penile pain. An X-ray of his pelvis revealed two findings. One was severe degenerative changes in his right hip—in other words, bad arthritis. The other finding stood out even more. The case report described it as “An extensive, plaque-like calcification along the expected distribution of the penis.”

Now, what you should be finding along the expected distribution of the penis is the penis, not calcification. Apparently, doctors had a bone to pick with this area of the man’s pelvis— that this was suspected penile ossification. Penile ossification is when calcium salts build up in the soft tissue of your penis and form extraskeletal bone. Extraskeletal means bone that is not part of your skeleton. So you could say this situation was not very humerus.

Possible Causes Of Penile Ossification

If you find that you have penile ossification, there are multiple possible causes to consider. On the one hand, your penis could be having PD. In this case, PD doesn’t stand for police department or postal district, which would be weird things for your penis to have. No, instead it stands for Peyronie's disease, which is when fibrous tissue forms in your penis. This build-up in turn can deform your penis, which during your next erection campaign can lead to curvature of said penis. PD can be either painless or accompanied by pain. Even though PD affects an estimated 0.5% of adult males according to a publication in PLOS ONE, the majority of PD cases do not end up with penile ossification. Nevertheless, PD is the most common cause of the very uncommon condition of penile ossification.

On the other hand, there are even less common possibilities. For example, certain cancers may spread through the penis and form calcifications. Alternatively, anything that raises the levels of calcium in your blood can then lead to the accumulation of calcium in your penis, because as the saying goes all roads lead to the penis. Hypercalcemia can result when your parathyroid glands oversecrete parathyroid hormone, cancer in other parts of your body leads to the production of such hormones, or you are on chronic hemodialysis. Syphilis and gonorrhea infections can result in penile ossification, too.

Then there’s repeated trauma and other things that can cause chronic inflammation in your penis. Say, for example, you like to do a lot of woodwork but keep missing the birdhouse you are trying to hammer and hit your penis instead. Having rough sex or dropping a heavy object like a fruitcake on your erect penis can cause injuries to your penis, as well, such as penile fractures, which I’ve previously covered for Minded by Science. Doing such things repeatedly (if, for example, you have a lot of fruitcakes and are bored) over time can lead to chronic inflammation and the deposition of calcium.

Unfortunately, this wasn’t a case where doctors could get a bird in hand, so to speak, with the diagnosis. Before doctors could get a better handle on what was going on, the patient and his penis left the emergency room at the same time against medical advice. Therefore, doctors could not perform an ultrasound on his penis, which would have been better than an X-ray at showing what’s going on in the penis. They couldn’t check any blood tests either.

The Management Of Penile Ossification

Of course, the resulting treatment of penile ossification depends on what’s causing the penile ossification, how extensive it is, and what symptoms and other problems are occurring. If there are no problematic symptoms and no need to address the underlying cause, doctors can manage penile ossification simply with observation. This doesn’t mean that the doctor will station someone at your house to constantly stare at your penis. Instead, it means keeping track of whether the shape and function of your penis remain stable or change over time. The latter situation may call for an intervention.

Possible interventions include oral, topical, or injectable medications for pain. (And you can guess where some of these injections may go. Here’s a hint. It’s your penis.) There are also mechanical stretching devices, vacuum devices, and extracorporeal shockwave therapy that can be used to break up the calcifications. Surgery may be called for if the pain, deformity, or any other symptoms are severe and not otherwise manageable. Naturally, you don’t want to jump to surgery without trying other things. It’s not common to hear anyone say, “I’ll take surgery on my penis for $500” in the first round of anything.

Keep in mind again that this was a rare case. Medical journals don’t tend to publish as case reports things that are common occurrences such as “Man Fails to Satisfy Partner in Bed, Not Sure Why.” Therefore, if you are suffering from penile pain, don’t quickly let penile ossification rise to the top of your list. Do yourself checked out by a medical doctor as soon as possible, though. Penis pain isn’t something that you should just walk off. You don’t want any problems with your penis get out of hand.

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One way of having a memorable holiday season is to have joyous, festive get-togethers. Another is to have get-togethers that make everyone sick with food poisoning. I’m guessing you don’t want to be remembered for the latter. Therefore, you might want to prevent one common holiday season source of food poisoning: a turkey that’s not been properly cooked. So, before you give people the bird in more ways than one, follow these tips:

1. Do not eat the turkey raw: If you do this, you are an idiot.

2. Wash your hands frequently: If you touch the raw turkey and then put your hands in your mouth that is equivalent to licking the raw turkey. If you touch the raw turkey and then touch someone else, that is equivalent to rubbing the raw turkey on them. Notice how I said wash your hands and not just wet them. Washing your hands means using soap, lathering up your hands while you say the entire alphabet (if you do not know the alphabet, please learn the alphabet), and then washing the soap off with warm water. Washing your hands does not mean just using hand sanitizer. People do not want hand sanitizer in their food.

3. Do not cook while you are sick: If you do, you will make others sick. When you are sick, you should only be doing one thing. Resting in bed. And going to the toilet when needed. OK, two things. And reading Minded by Science articles. Three things. And contacting your doctor if you are getting worse or don't improve in 24 to 48 hours.

4. Don't wash the turkey: Preparing a turkey to be cooked is not the same as preparing someone for a date. The turkey does not need a bath or a shower before you cook it. Washing the turkey will essentially create a sprinkler or a mist of bacteria around you and the sink. If your goal is to make everyone sick, this method is very effective. If this is your goal, then you will no longer have friends. If you don't have any friends, life will be lonely and you will really need DirectTV. Don't wash the turkey.

5. Don't put in your mouth anything that touches the uncooked turkey: If you put the television remote control inside the turkey and then put the control inside your mouth, you will be essentially putting the raw turkey in your mouth. If you put television remote controls in your mouth, please do not come anywhere near my remote control.

6. Do not purchase suspicious turkeys: We are not talking about paranoid turkeys but turkeys that are not properly stored and frozen.

7. Keep the turkey frozen until you are ready to thaw and cook it: Handling a turkey is like handling a relationship. Don't keep alternating between hot and cold. Once you want to cook a turkey, commit. Don't use your parents or upbringing as an excuse.

8. Properly defrost the turkey: Defrost the turkey before you try to cook it. Otherwise, cooking a turkey-sicle can be difficult, leaving some nasty undercooked portions. Properly thawing a turkey does not mean leaving it on the back porch, in the garage, in the car, on the sofa, in your bed, in a sweater, on a canoe, or on the counter. Leaving a turkey exposed to between 40°F and 140°F for more than two hours gives bacteria plenty of time for bacteria to check in, do the nasty, and multiply. You do not want your turkey to become a motel for bacteria. Use one of three proper ways to defrost a turkey:

• The refrigerator: This means putting the turkey in and not on or under the refrigerator. This method takes time so plan ahead. The USDA says that a 4-to-12 pound turkey will take 1 to 3 days, 12 to 16 pounds will take 3 to 4 days, 16 to 20 pounds 4 to 5 days, and 20 to 24 pounds 5 to 6 days. If your turkey is much greater than 24 pounds then your turkey is too large and you may have bought an ostrich by mistake. Once defrosted don't keep the turkey in the refrigerator longer than 2 days before cooking.

• Immersing in cold water: This does not mean throwing the turkey in a swimming pool or the ocean. The turkey is not Michael Phelps. First, wrap the turkey in a waterproof plastic bag. Otherwise, the turkey will soak up water like a sponge, and the water will become a swimming pool for bacteria. Then completely submerge the wrapped turkey in cold water for 30 minutes for each pound. Thus, a 4-pound turkey should stay submerged for 2 hours, an 8-pound turkey for 4 hours, and a 5,000-pound turkey for 2,500 hours. If you have a 5,000-pound turkey, that is not a turkey. That is a dinosaur. Cook the turkey immediately after thawing.

• The microwave: Choose a microwave that can hold the turkey. If the microwave is too small, you will not be able to close the door to run the microwave. If you do not run the microwave, the turkey will not thaw. If you are reading further to find out what will happen next, you are an idiot. Choose the right setting on the microwave. The wrong setting may accidentally cook part of the turkey, which is not good, or cause the turkey to explode, which is just as bad. If your turkey explodes, crawl into bed.

9. Cook stuffing before you stuff the turkey or better yet don't stuff the turkey: If the uncooked stuffing has bacteria, you will essentially be stuffing bacteria into your turkey. As we have concluded, giving your guests bacteria is not recommended, unless they voted for the other person in the recent election. Stuffing a turkey can make it more difficult to cook everything thoroughly.

10. Set your oven temperature to at least 325°F: The turkey has to get hot enough to cook. Use an oven. Do not try to fry a whole turkey in a pan. This looks ridiculous and will reveal to others that you do not know how to cook and generally lack common sense. If you lack common sense, it is best to hide it by choosing jobs where you can delegate everything.

11. Do not deep fry a turkey unless you absolutely know what you are doing: Deep frying a turkey can burn your house down, as shown by this video:

Of course, if you burn your house down, you may not have to worry about food poisoning.

12. Use a turkey thermometer: A rectal thermometer will not serve as a replacement, especially if you have just used it. If you insert a just-used rectal thermometer into a turkey, you will no longer have any friends. This may help if you no longer want to cook Thanksgiving dinner. However, friends can be helpful when you want to play Pictionary. You cannot tell whether a turkey is done from its color, texture, smell, or juices. The only way is a turkey thermometer. Your magic number is at least 165°F or 74°C. That's the temperature that kills Salmonella and Campylobacter, two bacteria that commonly cause food poisoning. Move the thermometer around to the deepest parts of the turkey to ensure that all parts of the turkey are thoroughly cooked. Steak can be rare. Sushi can be raw. Not turkey.

13. Cook a turkey long enough: The USDA offers the following timetables to cook turkeys:

Unstuffed

• 4 to 8 pounds (breast): 1½ to 3¼ hours

• 8 to 12 pounds: 2¾ to 3 hours

• 12 to 14 pounds: 3 to 3¾ hours

• 14 to 18 pounds: 3¾ to 4¼ hours

• 18 to 20 pounds: 4¼ to 4½ hours

• 20 to 24 pounds: 4½ to 5 hours

Stuffed

• 4 to 6 pounds (breast): Not usually applicable

• 6 to 8 pounds (breast): 2½ to 3½ hours

• 8 to 12 pounds: 3 to 3½ hours

• 12 to 14 pounds: 3½ to 4 hours

• 14 to 18 pounds: 4 to 4¼ hours

• 18 to 20 pounds: 4¼ to 4¾ hours

• 20 to 24 pounds: 4¾ to 5¼ hours

Again, if your turkey does not fall within these weight ranges, you got ripped off and should return your "turkey" as quickly as possible. Pigeons are not typical for Thanksgiving dinner.

14. Thoroughly wash everything that has touched the uncooked or undercooked turkey: Everything. Forks, knives, spoons, tongs, and thongs. Thongs are usually not as effective at picking up things as tongs are. Of course, this depends on what you are trying to pick up.

15. Handle leftovers swiftly and appropriately: Read this FORBES piece on how to handle leftovers.

Follow these tips to help make safe turkey and safe gravy. Remember, unsafe turkey means unsafe gravy. (Bacteria can lurk in undercooked gravy.) When you practice good food safety, you and your guests will have less to worry about when eating the turkey and the rest will be gravy.

If you are feeling a little too hot at work, should you just lie on the floor on your belly and spread out your arms and legs?

That’s what many squirrels seem to be doing these days. With temperatures at the too-freaking-hot levels in recent weeks, squirrels and other animals have been doing a lot of “splooting” to beat the heat.

Now, you may be wondering whether splooting is a made-up word because spell-check recommends using “looting” instead. But looting at work would be very different from splooting there, and the New York City Department of Parks & Recreation defined splooting as “stretching out” on “cool surfaces to reduce body heat” in the following tweet:

As you can see in the tweet, another term for splooting is “heat dumping,” which I described for Forbes about a year ago. By stretching yourself out, you try to maximize the contact between your body and a cooler object. It’s called a heat dump since such contact then allows heat from your body to be transferred or dumped to the cooler object whether it’s the floor, the ground, a patio, a ledge, or any other flat surface.

You also want to make sure that the object that you are lying on is cooler and not hotter. Otherwise instead of heat dumping, it would be cooking yourself as heat tends to move from hotter to cooler objects.

The National Park Service described splooting as lying “spread-eagle, usually face down with all arms and legs spread out” and showed a bear in such a “spread-eagle” or rather “spread-bear” position:

Why are these animals doing the spread-squirrel or spread-bear positions face down or on their bellies rather than on their backs? Well, fur sure, the reason is probably because most animals tend to have less fur on their bellies and therefore less insulation to prevent the heat transfer. So if you have a really, really hairy chest, splooting may not work so well.

The NYC Parks tweet was followed by others on Twitter sharing photos and videos of various animals splooting. For example, this tweet was very bunny:

And this tweet showed what’s been happening during the dog days of Summer:

You don’t have to be a squirrel, bear, or dog to do this splooting thing. You can do it as a human too. Just make sure you realize that it is not same thing as man-spreading. Also, doing this at work, on a date, at a party, or in a restaurant could be a bit disconcerting for others. As a human, you may differ in social customs from those of squirrels, bears, bunnies, dogs, and other animals. For example, squirrels don’t buy Dogecoin at 69 cents.

Nevertheless, chances are you’ve practiced heat dumping in one form or another. Touching any part of your hot, hot body to something cooler in essence may allow you to bring down your skin temperature to some degree, so to speak. The object may be a water bottle, an ice pack, a cool towel, that life-sized figurine of Harry Styles that you keep in your bedroom, or your icy significant other.

Again, if you tell your significant other that you are heat-dumping him or her, make sure that you include the word “heat.” Naturally, the heat transfer works best when there are no clothing or other materials between you and the cooler object. Of course, you could practice splooting au naturel in the privacy of your own apartment or home but you may want to lock the doors, pull down the window shades, and clean the kitchen floor first.

So if you see squirrels or any other animals lying belly down with their limbs stretched out, it may not be because they had a hard night partying or have been watching the prices of crypto plummet. They could very well be splooting, especially when it is in the heat of the moment.

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Are you totally ready for totality—meaning the upcoming total solar eclipse? This Monday, April 8, North America will get to witness a solar eclipse for the first time in seven years. And if you miss it, it won’t be until August 23, 2044, that you can see another one. So, you may want to look towards the sun around 11:07 am PDT if you are in Mexico, 1:27 pm CDT in Texas, 3:18 pm EDT in New York, 3:35 pm EDT in Maine at 3:35 pm, and other times in other places as shown by NASA’s Eclipse Explorer. But don’t do so without protecting your eyes with special glasses or other types of eye protection. Otherwise, you may get blinded by science, so to speak. And make sure that any such protection meets proper ISO 12312-2 international safety standards. After all, there are a lot of bogus products out there being marketed as "eclipse" devices because surprise, surprise, there are people out there willing to scam you for money.

A total solar eclipse occurs when the moon is positioned directly between the sun and the Earth. Think of a baby's head completely blocking your view of a movie screen even though the baby's head is much smaller than the screen...except that this baby's head is 2,159 miles in diameter and the screen is 864,575 miles in diameter. Although solar eclipses happen every year-and-half or so, only particular parts of the world may see a given eclipse. For example, if the sun, moon, and Earth align while your part of the world is facing away from the Sun (i.e., during nighttime), you won't see the eclipse. Or depending on your angle from the sun and moon at the time, you may only see a partial eclipse. So, on April 8, hello darkness my old friend for a moment, depending on where you live. 

But be careful when you try to witness it. The sun can literally burn out your eyes if you look at it too long. Solar retinopathy results when the sun's rays damage or destroy the photoreceptors that comprise your retina. The retina is the structure in the back of the inside of your eyeball that transmits images to your brain. Photoreceptors are cells that convert light particles into electrical signals then sent by nerve cells.

When damaged in solar retinopathy, some photoreceptors may take 3-6 months to recover. However, others may never recover or grow back. Lose photoreceptors and you lose some of your vision. Lose enough photoreceptors and you become blind. Thankfully, under normal conditions, the brightness of the sun hurts your eyes to the point that you can't stare it too long. Throw in the moon to block the brightness of the sun, and you no longer have that cue to stop staring at the sunbeams that are still damaging your eyes. In theory, for those in the path of totality, a total eclipse will completely block the sun's rays, but as long as a sliver of sun is still exposed, you will be at risk if you look at it unprotected.

NASA along with the American Astronomical Society (AAS), the American Academy of Ophthalmology, the American Academy of Optometry, the National Science Foundation, and other organizations have prepared a guide on how to safely view the solar eclipse.

Note that recommended eyewear does not include "homemade" eye protection or regular sunglasses, which will simply make you look either very dorky or very cool while your retinas are being seared. Stick to stuff that has been properly tested and officially meets the correct ISO 12312-2 international safety standards. Options include wearing eclipse glasses and using handheld solar viewers.

Also, keep in mind that any camera, binoculars, telescope, or other viewing device that magnifies the sun should also be equipped with proper solar filters. Note that wearing proper eclipse glasses while using such magnifying devices will not be enough, since any magnifying device will magnify or intensify the solar beams. While wearing a welding mask could make you look like Boba Fett from Star Wars, it still has to have the right amount of tinting to protect you (ideally a shade number of 13, according to the AAS). But unless you are a welder or Boba Fett, you may want to stick to official eclipse devices.

Even if you use devices that meet the ISO 12312-2 international safety standards, you still have to use them properly ... just like how wearing a condom on your foot won't help prevent pregnancy or sexually transmitted infections. Check that the glasses or filters are the right size and do not have scratches or damage. Make sure that you are using these devices properly. Don't use the solar eclipse as the first time to try the devices. Your next words may be, “Argh, these are too small.” Put on any devices completely before even turning towards the sun and keep the devices on until you have completely turned away from the sun.

Now, any historical event will be accompanied by scams, because that's what some people do. Just because something is advertised as an eclipse device doesn't mean that it offers any protection. What's “sunbelievable” is that some sellers are even putting fake ISO stickers on their products or claiming that their products meet such standards when they really don't. The other way they can cover your eyes is by reporting fake studies, ones that don't appear in reputable peer-reviewed scientific journals or are not referenced in PubMed. Yes, people would actually let you burn your eyes out just to make a buck.

Rather than trust advertising, check the American Astronomical Society (AAS) catalog of reputable vendors of solar filters and viewers. NASA has recommended only the following U.S. companies as reputable manufacturers of solar eclipse glasses:

• American Paper Optics / eclipseglasses.com / Eclipser

• Flip'n Shades (clip-ons for baseball caps)

• Halo Eclipse Spectacles

• Celestial Optical (EclipseGuard glasses | SolarShield sheets)

• Grafix Plastics (sheets & rolls, wholesale only)

• DayStar Filters

• American PaperWear (Solar Rollens viewers)

• Seymour Solar (Hyperion sheets)

• Rainbow Symphony / Eclipse Shades

• Thousand Oaks Optical

Even if you see a device with one of these manufacturers' names on it, make sure that it isn't fake or a knock-off. Knock-off Gucci bags are one thing. Knock-off solar eclipse glasses are on a completely different level. Also, avoid using cash to purchase any eclipse devices since using a credit card does offer some protection… for your wallet, that is.

Another thing, solar eclipse devices are for solar eclipses and not for driving, operating heavy machinery, aggressive dancing in crowded areas, or doing anything where you need proper vision. Yes, you may be buying something that you won't use again for decades. But if they are properly made and tested, the devices may be worth purchasing to witness what may be the astronomical event of the decade.

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Here’s an opportunity to say that you left your last job because conditions were better on Mars. NASA is now accepting applications for the next CHAPEA (Crew Health and Performance Exploration Analog) mission to spend a year experiencing what it would like to be on Mars. This second edition of the CHAPEA mission is scheduled to commence in the Spring of 2025. You won’t have too long to decide whether to apply, though, as the application deadline is one day after April Fools Day: April 2, 2024.

That doesn’t mean that NASA will be fooling around with this. NASA is serious about finding out how people would do under a variety of Martian conditions. NASA also seems quite serious about eventually sending humans to Mars. And before you plop people on Mars, you have to “planet,” so to speak, because conditions on Mars will be very different from those on Earth.

Of course, the CHAPEA mission won’t in actuality send you to Mars. No one on Earth is quite ready to transport humans to the Red Planet just yet as this would be a bit beyond the current service area for Ubers and Lyfts.

Instead, if selected for the CHAPEA mission, you’ll spend the year with three other chosen ones in a simulated 3-D printed Martian environment that’s a little bit smaller than Mars itself by oh about 1,550,000,000,000,000 square feet. This indoor location—dubbed the Mars Dune Alpha—is a 1,700-square-foot space that’s located at NASA’s Johnson Space Center in Houston, Texas. NASA describes the living quarters as consisting of “private crew quarters, a kitchen, and dedicated areas for medical, recreation, fitness, work, and crop growth activities, as well as a technical work area and two bathrooms.” As you can see, there isn’t a Mars bar in these quarters. And, no, the phrase “crop growth activities” is not a euphemism for something.

Here’s a video from NASA showing what Mars Dune Alpha will look like:

Now, if you think that this will be a one-year vacation on a 3D Martian beach, don’t pack your thongs and sunscreen just yet. NASA will put you to work. Throughout the year, you’ll do different things such as taking simulated spacewalks, performing maintenance work, conducting science experiments. executing robotic operations, exercising, and maintaining crop growth. These will be done in tandem with the others. As a result, the four who’ll experience what it’s like to be on the fourth planet from the Sun will likely get to know each other pretty darn well.

All along the way, NASA will be collecting data on how all of you are doing so that they can better understand how humans may perform and react under Martian conditions. This may include various environmental stressors and communication delays, which can be substantial. So if you are the type of person who gets aggravated when someone doesn’t respond to your text within a minute then you may want to reconsider.

NASA will pay you for this work. That doesn’t mean that you should seek this mission simply because you need the pay and that job as a dog food taster hasn’t come through yet. NASA hasn’t specified how much they’ll pay yet and has indicated that “applicants should have a strong desire for unique, rewarding adventures and interest in contributing to NASA’s work to prepare for the first human journey to Mars.” In other words, you’ve got to have plenty of intrinsic motivation to do this mission.

Also, the NASA announcement specifies that they are looking for, “healthy, motivated U.S. citizens or permanent residents who are non-smokers, 30-55 years old, and proficient in English for effective communication between crewmates and mission control.” This is going to rule out those in Generation Z—so-called Zoomers—and Baby Boomers.

Additionally, there are scientific education requirements because, you know, science matters. You can qualify if you’ve got a master’s degree in a STEM field, a medical degree, or are two years into a STEM doctoral degree. Note that any of these have to be from or in an accredited institution—not that anyone would ever set up a scam University just to make money, right? You also have to have at least one thousand hours of experience piloting an aircraft.

This will be the second of three planned CHAPEA missions. The first CHAPEA mission is a little over halfway done, having been launched on June 25, 2023. The first CHAPEA crew is comprised of Kelly Haston, Ph.D., as the Commander, Ross Brockwell as the flight engineer, Nathan Jones, M.D. as the medical officer, and Anca Selariu, Ph.D. as the science officer.

So, if you really want to get away from it all and have the requisite motivation and scientific background, consider applying for the CHAPEA mission. You could end up contributing also to science, helping future missions to Mars, and experiencing a very, very different atmosphere.

My latest for Forbes:

• USDA Alert: Rocks Found In Trader Joe’s Chicken Pilaf

• How The ‘Dorito Theory’ On TikTok May Explain Many Unhealthy Habits

• Moxie: How This Emotionally Intelligent AI Robot Can Play With, Teach Kids

• Medical Foods: Here Are Opportunities, Obstacles For This New Trend

My latest on “A Funny Bone to Pick” for Psychology Today:

• Are You Destined to Be Single and Alone Forever?

• A Cheesy New Way to Break Up on Valentine's Day

• 14 Benefits of Being Single

• How and How Not to Get Over a Breakup

Finding good television shows to watch these days can be “ruff” if you are a dog. After all, most shows are geared towards a decidedly different demographic: humans. Nevertheless, a vast majority of dogs out there still seem to be quite screen-captivated quite often. A survey found that 86% of dog owners felt that their dogs paid attention to what was being shown on TV, as described by a recent publication in Applied Animal Behaviour Science. And take a wild guess as to what on TV seemed to be most enjoyable for dogs to watch. Here’s a hint. It ain’t humans.

Yes, TV executives. If you want to capture more of that important two-to-seven-dog-year demographic, you might want to put more dogs in your programming. The survey administered by a research team from the University of Wisconsin-Madison School of Veterinary Medicine (L.K. Donohue, M. Buesing, K.D. Peterson, C. Ersoz, L.J. Russell, and F.M. Mowat) revealed that dogs seemed most attracted to TV screens when guess what appeared? Dogs.

Doggone it, animals in general were by far the most interesting subject for dogs, with 95% of dogs paying attention when some kind of animal appeared. And of these 95%, the vast majority (93%) seemed interested when fellow canines made cameos on TV.

The second most popular animal subject for dogs was wild animals, which attracted attention from 65% of the dogs who showed interest in animals. In this case, wild animals didn’t mean humans behaving badly on reality TV shows. Instead, it meant animals who were living out in nature versus domesticated ones serving as pets. Perhaps, many dogs are intrigued by what their lives could have been sort of like how some people working in the corporate world may wonder what their lives would have been like had they chosen to buy that cabin to live naked in the woods instead.

The purr-fect answer for third place among animals of interest would be cats, which garnered attention from 64% of the dogs who seemed interested in some kind of animal. That was followed by livestock at 64%, horses at 63%, and squirrels at 56%. Amongst the various live TV subjects, humans fell a distant ninth with only 37% of dogs expressing interest. Sorry, humans. Apparently, you aren’t nearly as interesting as squirrels. Maybe you aren’t such good friends of dogs after all.

Keep in mind, though, that dogs weren’t the ones who actually responded to the digital survey that was administered from March 2022 through March 2023. No, the respondents were instead 1246 human dog owners. It’s not clear how many of the dogs may end up saying, “Frank, who claimed to be my owner, did not speak for me.” But for now, let’s assume that the owners were pretty good at assessing when their dogs were interested in what was on TV. The owners assessed their dogs’ interest based on behaviors such as turning their heads to the side, pricking up their ears, approaching the TV screen, barking, and touching the screen with their noses. Note that these were all behaviors of their dogs and not the human owners themselves. Typically humans don’t express interest in a TV show by touching their noses to the screen.

Now, animals weren’t the only things that seemed to captivate dogs. Over a quarter (28%) showed interest in sports, ball sports specifically. Yeah, looks like dogs really like balls—the kinds used in sports, that is. The most popular ball sports for dogs seemed to be football (meaning what the U.S. calls soccer and the rest of the world calls football) and basketball. American football came in third followed by tennis.

Of course, just because your dog is watching and reacting to something on TV doesn’t necessarily mean that your dog approves of it. Without knowing dog language, you can’t really tell if your dog is saying, “This is awful, why does my owner watch this dribble”, “This rom-com plot is so formulaic”, “The answer to that Wheel of Fortune puzzle is not ‘Fish Love’”, or “Who the bleep would want to be part of a reality TV show.”

My latest for Forbes:

• ‘Legging Legs’ Is Another Toxic Trend. Here’s What TikTok Did

• Academic Physician Unhappiness: 32.6% Plan To Leave Their Institutions

• Robitussin Cough Cold Medicine Recall: Risk Of Microbial Contamination

• What Is Disease X? The Pandemic Threat Discussed At Davos 2024

• Closing Toilet Lids Before Flushing May Not Prevent Spread Of Viruses

My latest on “A Funny Bone to Pick” for Psychology Today:

• AI Chatbots Can Now Go On First Dates for You

• 5 Things to Do Before Every Meeting

• 10 Ways to Calm First-Date Anxiety

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These eight parrots have become an f-ing problem. The Lincolnshire Wildlife Park in the U.K. didn’t know it when they adopted five African grey parrots back in 2020. But Billy, Tyson, Eric, Jade, and Elsie had already developed a flair for the swear. These five soon began cussing out everyone around them. And now there are eight, which has prompted the zoo to attempt to use some peer pressure to keep these birds from verbally giving everyone the bird.

At first, not everyone viewed the initial five parrots cursing as a curse. It’s not as if many adults visiting the zoo were saying, “Well, I never,” and demanded that the birds be removed. In fact, the foul-mouthed parrots quickly garnered quite a few fans. After all, who doesn’t like having a potty-mouthed parrot around?

The parrots certainly were getting plenty of encouragement. A BBC News report from September 2020 quoted Steve Nichols, the chief executive of the park as saying, “With the five, one would swear and another would laugh and that would carry on.” It turns out that parrots were a bit like Samuel L. Jackson, Jonah Hill, or Kristin Stewart. Nichols explained that the parrots “swear to trigger reaction or a response.” This meant that when humans would appear shocked or respond with delight, this only encouraged the parrots to swear even more.

That may be OK in an R-rated or maybe even a PG-13 setting. The problem, though, is that the zoo didn’t want the parrots to be kidding around, so to speak, in such a manner. Zoos can be filled with children. And you can imagine how parents might not want their kids to say, “But the parrots taught me to say that bleep.” Therefore, after the initial ha-ha and hee-hee, later in 2020, the zoo decided to end this bull-bleep and sequester the birds away from the public amongst other colonies of more genteel birds.

A funny thing happened over the ensuing several months. The five parrots ended up toning things down quite a bit. Sure, they still cursed here and there and would continue to yuck it up every now and then with each other like a bunch of fraternity bros or sailor sisses. But the difference was nonetheless noticeable. Apparently, mixing amongst the other more cultured birds had rubbed off on these five. Or perhaps the other birds had called HR. Who knows for sure?

The zoo did eventually return these five parrots to public view but did erect a sign warning visitors about the parrots’ foul (or perhaps fowl) language. And, no, there’s no word on whether the parrots made any erection joke after the sign went up.

The zoo could handle these five for a while. But then three more foul-mouthed parrots—Eric, Captain, and Sheila—joined the zoo display. This made the five into an Oh Sh#$% Eight that became a bit too much to handle for the zoo. This wasn’t simply a case of parrots saying, “Polly wants a f-ing cracker.” Nichols told Issy Ronald reporting for CNN, “The language that came out of their carrying boxes was phenomenal, really bad. Not normal swear words, these were proper expletives." F-ing a.

So, the zoo is now hoping that some more peer pressure may tone things down further. The zoo is placing the eight potty-mouthed parrots with 92 G-rated parrots to see what will happen. Will this work? Will the eight be more like, “Pardon me, but do you have any Grey Poupon?” Or will it do the opposite? Will it produce 100 parrots whom you couldn’t take to your next church function? Only time will freaking tell.

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Check out Bruce Y. Lee’s website for his other writing (e.g., his science and health coverage for Forbes and “A Funny Bone to Pick” for Psychology Today), his AI/computational research, his initiatives, his media appearances, and his other activities.

You may have heard of the term “Disease X” and that it’s on the World Health Organization’s (WHO’s) list of priority diseases. That list includes wonderful stuff like COVID-19, Crimean-Congo hemorrhagic fever, Ebola virus disease, Marburg virus disease, Lassa fever, the Middle East respiratory syndrome coronavirus (MERS-CoV), the Severe Acute Respiratory Syndrome (SARS), Nipah and henipaviral diseases, Rift Valley fever, and Zika—basically, a bunch of things that you wouldn’t want at a dinner party. All of these are the result of pathogens already known to cause very bad diseases in humans with one notable X-ception: Disease X. Disease X is not an actual disease yet and has nothing to do with the X-Men or Generation X. It instead represents “the knowledge that a serious international epidemic could be caused by a pathogen currently unknown to cause human disease,” in the words of the WHO. As the saying goes, the most dangerous enemy in the world is the one that you do not yet recognize.

Think about all the major infectious outbreaks and epidemics that have occurred over the past couple of decades or so. How many people thought SARS and MERS specifically would be problems before their outbreaks began in 2002 and 2012, respectively? How people were talking about the Zika virus before 2015? Or the severe acute respiratory syndrome coronavirus 2 (SARS-CoV-2) before 2020? Heck when most people thought of “corona” before the COVID-19 pandemic, they probably envisioned the beer. Sure, coronaviruses were already on the National Institutes of Health (NIH) be-forewarned-about-these-pathogens list before 2020 especially since SARS and MERS had already shown that coronaviruses could jump from other animals to humans and cause trouble. But the SARS-CoV-2 was a totally novel virus.

Plus, SARS-CoV-2 never really announced, “The year 2019 will be my debut in humans.” Epidemics and pandemics aren’t like the Barbie, Oppenheimer, or Avengers movies. They don’t offer tons of trailers or other heads-ups before they arrive. By the time you’ve heard of them, it can be too late.

The trouble is that too many infectious disease preparedness and response plans have historically been too focused on specific known diseases and reliant on lessons learned from the past rather than being pathogen-agnostic and looking at what may be different in the future. That’s because so much of health and public health research and policy-making has long been siloed into different separate disease areas that don’t cross-talk as much as they should.

For example, when I was in medical school, a professor once told me that the key to career success is to pick one disease and one body part and focus on doing nothing but that for the rest of my career. I didn’t end up doing that because I couldn’t choose a single favorite disease or body part. In my mind, body parts kind of work better when they’re connected to one another.

As another example of the over-siloing of medical and public health research, when you apply to organizations like the National Institutes of Health (NIH) for research funding, it’s typically better to specify on the grant proposal what specific disease you want to focus on for the proposed project. After all, the people reviewing your grant proposal tend to be specialists in single diseases and assess your proposal from that perspective.

Psychologically, it may be easier to identify a clear single enemy, put a face and name to it, and then focus on tackling that specific enemy. However, such an approach can lead to plans that are way too focused and not flexible, so that the plans only work under limited conditions. That’s kind of like having your wardrobe be all Spanx simply because at some point there was a Spanx party where you missed the mark. Plans that focus on the known and not the unknown can soon go to waste. As Mike Tyson, former puncher of faces, once said, “Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the face.” When was the last time that you completely anticipated the biggest challenges that you ended up facing in your life?

Keep in mind that epidemics frequently result more from broken systems than from specific pathogens. Sure, you need a pathogen to actually cause the disease. But faulty systems are what allow a pathogen to go from a smaller concern—such as causing isolated cases—to a much larger one such as an outbreak, epidemic, or pandemic. Think about how much better things could have been had there been adequate systems in place to rapidly detect and contain the SARS-CoV-2 before it had spread further. Consider how many lives could have been saved and how much suffering could have been prevented had the U.S. and other countries had the right systems in place to slow, or even better, stop the spread of the virus in 2020. Instead, the SARS-CoV-2 spread in such an uncontrolled manner throughout February and March of 2020 that political and business leaders felt compelled to enact work and school closures.

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Unfortunately, there’s still a lack of adequate systems to prevent and deal with unexpected and rapidly emerging infectious disease threats. There needs to be more Disease X marks-the-spot general approaches to infectious disease prevention and control such as:

• Building and maintaining surveillance systems that can detect and follow any new pathogen: There is a need for systems that can detect whenever something is out of the ordinary and concerning—such as a change in climate, animal behavior, or symptoms and healthcare-seeking behavior among people—before it actually becomes a real problem.

• Improving our messed up healthcare systems: Making sure that everyone has good access to healthcare is not just a nice thing to do. It also can help ensure that diseases are caught and controlled quickly before they spread to everyone else.

• Augmenting systems that can conduct research and development for unknown and emerging infectious diseases before outbreaks, epidemics, and pandemics occur: Much more research and development needs to occur way before problems emerge and not just after the cow has left the barn and the bleep has hit the fan. And such activities should develop solutions that are not simply pathogen-focused but rather will apply to many different pathogens and circumstances.

• Fixing and growing supply chain and other delivery systems: Vaccines, medications, and other products can’t work if they don’t get to where they have to go. And during the COVID-19 pandemic, there have been shortages of, well, seemingly everything, as I have described for Forbes.

• Establishing financial systems that will pay for everything: If you've figured out how to get something done without money, let me know. Otherwise, when politics and greed stall the allocation of funds to combat epidemics, everyone ends up suffering, except, of course, for the pathogen.

These are just a few of the systems that need to be fixed and further enhanced to deal with Disease X before it inevitably comes. “Preparing for Disease X” is going to be one of the panel discussions during this week’s World Economic Forum in Davos, Switzerland. The description of the panel includes the following: “With fresh warnings from the World Health Organization that an unknown ‘Disease X’ could result in 20 times more fatalities than the coronavirus pandemic, what novel efforts are needed to prepare healthcare systems for the multiple challenges ahead?” With the possibility of 20X more fatalities, shouldn’t the possibility of Disease X get more attention?

It’s four days into the New Year 2024. How many New Year’s resolutions have you broken already? Unfortunately, such resolutions may last about as long as a typical Game of Thrones character, give or take a few swords. A study published in the Journal of Clinical Psychology found that just two weeks into the New Year, 29% had already broken their New Year’s resolutions. At the one-month mark, that number had increased to 36%. And at the six-month mark, it had ballooned to over half (54%).

Back in 2012, Time magazine listed the top ten most-broken New Year’s resolutions (not in any particular order):

1. Lose Weight and Get Fit

2. Quit Smoking

3. Learn Something New

4. Eat Healthier and Diet

5. Get Out of Debt and Save Money

6. Spend More Time with Family

7. Travel to New Places

8. Be Less Stressed

9. Volunteer

10. Drink Less

If you notice, half of these resolutions (lose weight and get fit, eat healthier and diet, quit smoking, drink less, and be less stressed) are clearly health-related, while the remaining five all have health implications. So, it looks like the focus of many resolutions is to live more healthfully physically and mentally. Why, then, are so many resolutions falling by the wayside?

Perhaps one resolution should be to make better resolutions. Each of the resolutions above may be destined for failure because they:

• Are too vague, too general, and not specific enough: For instance, when you say “get fit,” do you mean fit like international football star Cristiano Ronaldo? Or just being able to walk up the stairs without vomiting? If it is Cristiano Ronaldo-fit, well, good luck, because it could be that such resolutions…

• Are too grand to be achievable: Chances are you are not going from couch potato to six-pack in one year. (Although you may go from your couch to get a six-pack of beer.) Be realistic and take smaller steps.

• Focus on changing the result and not the causes: If you work in a doughnut factory, live above a doughnut shop, socialize with doughnuts, and have friends who binge on doughnuts, then perhaps...just perhaps...your circumstances are contributing to your eating doughnuts.

• Do not enlist the necessary social support: Ringo Starr once sang that you "get by with a little help from your friends." (He also sang that you "get high with a little help from your friends.") Those around you can end up affecting what you do, as I’ve written for the HuffPost. For example, without the proper wingmen and wingwomen to help, it may be tougher to cut down on buffalo wings.

• Do not include enough immediate incentives: As the character Neidermeyer, in the movie Animal House, once said, "You're all worthless and weak!" It is much easier to give into immediate urges than to maintain long-term goals. So if following resolutions does not bring at least some immediate positive effects, you are less likely to follow them.

So instead of the resolutions listed above, here are ten resolutions that you may want to try:

1. Read food labels and know what is in your food and beverages. Seeing the actual ingredients alone may help you make changes. For example, have you seen how much salt is hidden in food? And when I say labels, I mean the official nutrition labels.

2. Sever an unhealthy relationship (e.g., someone who is unsupportive, abusive, or a bad influence).

3. Establish a new relationship or strengthen an existing one with someone who helps you be healthier and happier.

4. Join a sports class or league.

5. Start walking, cycling, or taking public transportation to work.

6. Choose a specific volunteering event that is convenient and helps you do something that you enjoy.

7. Replace one unhealthy food or beverage that you eat regularly with a healthy alternative (e.g., nuts instead of candy, water instead of soda).

8. With your friends, identify one regular social event that is unhealthy and determine how to change the event (e.g., change where you regularly go out to eat).

9. Tell your significant other, friends, co-workers, or doctor about an unhealthy habit that you’d like to eliminate.

10. Choose with your family or friends a single resolution that you can achieve together.

Finally, making lots of resolutions can initially seem attractive but decreases the chances of each sticking. Don't make your resolutions like some people approach marriages: keep trying new ones hoping that one will stick at some point. (Mickey Rooney, who went through eight marriages once said, “Always get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn’t work out, you haven’t wasted a whole day.”) In life, small successes can have a way of cascading to subsequent larger ones. If you can keep at least one or two resolutions that you make then the New Year could be memorable and healthy.

Happy New Year.

Usually when keeping food around, you should draw the line at 100 years. In fact, many types of food won’t keep for longer than a week. Fruitcakes, though, with their seemingly industrial-strength consistency may appear to be an exception. Just think back to 2017, when news emerged about a fruitcake looking edible after sitting in Cape Adare, Antarctica, for 106 years. This doesn’t mean that fruitcakes are the Keith Richards of food items, though. There are limits as to how long you can keep these weapons of mass digestion.  

The Cape Adare fruitcake was a special one, as I reported for Forbes back in 2017. Members of the Antarctic Heritage Trust made this presumably nutty discovery when they found something in a hut wrapped in paper inside a rotting container. Most likely, explorer Robert Falcon Scott's team had left the fruitcake there during their Terra Nova expedition in 1911 to the South Pole, which shows that the history of people not wanting fruitcakes dates at least as far back as the early 1900s. In 2017, Mike Moffitt in an SFGATE article quoted the Trust’s program manager Lizzie Meeks as saying, “There was a very, very slight rancid butter smell to it, but other than that, the cake looked and smelled edible.” Umm, OK. But the word “rancid” is not something that you typically see on a restaurant menu that makes you go, “I want some of that.”

Let’s assume that 106 years is the exception rather than the rule. How long then can you keep that fruitcake that your friends may or may not have re-gifted to you? Well, as I wrote in my 2017 Forbes article, the U.S. Department for Agriculture (USDA) had indicated that you can keep a fruitcake for up to one month in the pantry with the possibility of extending this to six months if you keep the fruitcake refrigerated and one year if you keep it frozen. Not surprisingly, these numbers are similar to how long you can keep dried fruit. Now, the USDA did not specify how long you might keep a fruitcake in the head of a rocket, just in case you want to launch the fruitcake into space.  

The viable lifetime of your fruitcake does depend on what you do with it. You can end up contaminating your cake with even more microorganisms by letting it touch your unwashed hands or whatever other filthy parts of your body you may put on the fruitcake. Introducing more microorganisms can shorten how long you can keep your fruitcake. So, make sure that you wash your hands frequently and thoroughly whenever handling your fruitcake. That’s not a euphemism, by the way. And for Pete’s sake, don’t involve your fruitcake in all of your Holiday activities, whatever they may be.

As is the case with some of those other, ahem, more private Holidays activities, it does matter how wet everything is. A more moist fruitcake will allow microorganisms to more readily reproduce. So, if you want to keep your fruitcake longer, keep it as dry as possible.

One exception is alcohol. Alcohol can help retard the growth of mold and other bad stuff. Some brandied fruitcakes have remained edible for years, even as long as 20 years.

Of course, a fruitcake may last for 20 years simply because no one wants to eat it. If you are not a fan of fruitcakes then the “Best By” date for a fruitcake may end up being never.

Christmas Day may be just around the bend. But here’s one type of Holiday break that you don’t want to have: a penile fracture. Such a fracture can occur when things bend the wrong way. And the rate of penile fractures has been 43% higher around Christmas Day than around any other day of the year, according to a German study just published in the British Journal of Urology International (BJUI). This was based on an analysis of GeRmAn Nationwide inpatient Data (GRAND) that found that 40 (1.3%) of the 3,421 hospitalizations for penile fractures from 2005 to 2021 had occurred within the three days (December 24 through December 26) around Christmas. Forty is not a lot over seven years. But it still begs the question as to why more people’s Tannenbaums are being Tannen-bent around Christmas.

Now, the word “fracture” may make it sound like your penis has bones in it. But there are no bones about it when it comes to your penis, no matter what you may call an erect penis. Your penis can still “break,” though. An erection occurs when you get excited—say when you see an exquisite piece of fruitcake—which then causes blood to rush into your penis. That blood enters the three spongy cylinder-like structures that run through the shaft of your penis, known as the corpus spongiosum and the two corpora cavernosa. When these cylinders fill with blood, they become stiff. What keeps the blood in these structures and things on the up and up is the tunica albuginea, a fibrous layer of tissue that surrounds these cylinders like an envelope. The tunica albuginea then helps hold the blood within these structures for the duration of your erection, which by the way should be less than four hours. A penile fracture is when this tunica albuginea gets torn.

Penile fractures are not common but they can result when your penis is erect and suffers some kind of blunt force that bends it like Beckham wouldn’t want to do it. This can result from:

• Missing the target: You may thrust and miss the hole, instead striking the pelvic bone, the area between the anus and vagina, or if your aim is really bad, the wall.

• Falling on or rolling onto your penis: This is why you should beware of any sexual position called “The Tumbler” or “The Log Roller.” And you shouldn’t run on a slippery wooden floor while naked, carrying a bowl of soup, and sporting an erection.

• Masturbating a bit too vigorously: I know what you are thinking. You’ve never done this before. But if you treat your penis like a bicycle pump, you could end up bending it the wrong way.

• Twisting during penetration: Sex is not exactly a game of Twister.

So what explains the findings from the GRAND analysis performed by the team from University Hospital, LMU in Munich, Germany (Nikolaos Pyrgidis, Michael Chaloupka, Yannic Volz, Paulo Pfitzinger, Maria Apfelbeck, Philipp Weinhold, Christian Stief, Julian Marcon, and Gerald Bastian Schulz)? Why did the daily incidence of penile fractures go up to 0.78 around Christmas day, which was 43% higher than the rate on all of the other days? And why did this rate actually drop by two percent during the three days around New Year’s?

Well, the results suggest that people may be doing something different with their penises around Christmas time. Maybe more people are trying to be more intimate with their partners. Maybe men are getting more vigorous with their Christmas trees so to speak. Maybe more are running naked on slippery wooden floors. The study couldn’t tell for sure since it was an analysis of existing data in a database and the investigators didn’t go back to each of the men and ask, remember that Christmas when you went for broke? What exactly were you doing at the time?

Regardless, a penile fracture isn’t something that you should just ignore. It may be hard to ignore, so to speak, when you hear a popping or cracking sound, followed by intense pain. There’s usually an immediate loss of the erection. You may also see bruising and swelling from the blood leaking. There could be blood in your urine or at the tip of your penis.

A penile fracture is an emergency that often requires surgical correction. It’s not as if the doctors in the emergency room can give your penis a pair of crutches that it can use for a while. Surgery entails stitching up the tunica albuginea. If you don’t get proper treatment for a penile fracture, it could heal in a crooked manner—which is not a moral statement but an actual physical concern. There may also be loss of sexual or urinary function.

Again, as the data showed, penile fractures are not super common. So, there’s no need to forego masturbation or sex simply because you are worried about breaking your penis. You can still give these gifts to yourself or someone else. Just don’t be too hard on yourself.

While Holiday songs such as “Winter Wonderland” and “Jingle Bells” may seem full of joy, in actuality, the December Holidays can bring stress, depression, and anxiety, which in turn can lead to physical problems such as weight gain and Holiday Heart Syndrome. But amidst all the ostensible Holiday cheer, people may be reluctant to openly express their frustrations and instead suffer in silence. So what would it be like if traditional Holiday songs were a little more reflective of everything that people may be feeling? Here are 12 possibilities:

1. “Little Drummer Boy and Girl”: Many people have to work hard with looming year-end deadlines and potentially increased business, especially if sales are tied to the holiday season in any way (such as for retail stores, restaurants, health clinics, and candy cane manufacturing). More work can mean less sleep, less exercise, and other not-good-for-health habits, which can exacerbate stress. Also, gift shopping and holiday planning for friends and co-workers can feel like another job.

2. “Sleigh Ride (will be delayed indefinitely due to unforeseen circumstances and we will be charging extra for checking in luggage and wearing pants)”: Holiday travel—especially when it involves flying and being stuffed into those sardine cans known as the Economy section of airplanes—can be unpleasant with increasingly crowded conditions and expenses.  

3. “All I Want for Christmas Is Some Cash”: With all the gift-giving, parties, and travel, the holidays can stretch your budget, heightening any financial concerns.

4. “Santa Claus is Coming to Town and So Are Mom, Dad, Grandpa, Grandma, Your Cousins, Your In-Laws, Your Aunt, Your Uncle, Your Daughter and Her New Boyfriend, and Your Son and Several Strange Friends”: The holidays can bring together people and accompanying drama.

5. “Let It Snow! Let It Snow!... Stop Snowing, Already!”: Inclement weather, cold temperatures, and less daylight can trigger seasonal affective disorder, depression, and road rage (from worse driving conditions), as well as limit activities that would help relieve stress (such as sports and walking outside).

6. “Last Christmas”: The holidays can remind you of painful memories such as break-ups, divorces, and deaths, especially when you see people experiencing the opposite (for example, seemingly happy couples).

7. “Frosting the Snowman”: Food and beverages, including lots of unhealthy ones with lots of fat, salt, and sugar, are everywhere, which can lead to overeating, weight gain, heartburn, remorse, regret, and then more eating and drinking.

8. “I Saw Mommy, Daddy and Everyone Else Kissing Santa Claus”: When people are stressed, lonely, depressed, or drunk, they can do unusual and unpredictable things, which in turn can cause more stress (especially if that person is another family member, your significant other, your boss, your employee, or you).

9. “It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like...this Holiday Sale That You Can’t Miss and Don’t Forget That Diamonds Show That You Really Care”: The holidays pummel you with advertising convincing you of what don’t have and need to buy.

10. “Do You Hear What I Hear?”: During the holidays, many others may seem happy and cheerful, which may make your situation seem less favorable by comparison.

11. “Run Rudolph Run…Rudolph has the runs”: Lots of infectious diseases are running around this time of the year, such as influenza, respiratory syncytial virus (RSV), norovirus, and that thing called COVID-19.

12. “Silent Night”: Unfortunately, not everyone has loved ones or a social circle with whom to spend the holidays.

And how about 12 songs about what you can do to prevent and combat holiday stress:

1. “Rocking (and running) Around the Christmas Tree”: Keep a regular exercise routine. Maintain your regular hobbies and regular eating habits...unless they are unhealthy.

2. “Chestnuts Roasting in an Open Fire”: Try to eat healthily. Your mood and health are very closely tied to what you ingest.

3. “Away in a Manger”: Get enough sleep to recharge and help handle stress. Also, take time out during the day to take breaks.

4. “Blue Christmas”: Don’t be afraid to tell others about how you feel. You may be surprised to find that they are struggling with similar problems and can help provide empathy and social support. If you feel truly overwhelmed or ill, seek medical or other professional help.

5. “Over the River and Through the Woods to Grandmother’s House We Go…but Maybe Try Another Path”: Don’t keep repeating the same mistakes each holiday season. By now, you know what conversations and actions will make you unhappy, anxious, regretful, and remorseful (such as going to that same holiday party each year, overeating, overdrinking, and ending up with a lampshade on your head) and trigger unresolvable arguments with others, such as family members. Try something new.

6. “Happy Christmas (War Is Over)”: Put down your swords. Avoid people who are not genuinely interested in you, especially those who continue to do battle with you and bring drama. Know when to sever relationships that are toxic and harmful. Be willing to let go of grudges for relationships that are worth mending.

7. “Merry Christmas Baby”: Spend time with those who are nurturing and value your company. Meaningful social connections can help protect you against stress.

8. “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer”: Stop comparing yourself to others. Embrace your uniqueness. Each of us has a different path in life and faces different challenges and successes. Beneath their superficial appearances, you often don’t know what people are really experiencing. As Batman has shown us, ostensible success does not mean the person is not struggling and miserable.

9. “Feliz Navidad”: Remember there are different ways of saying and doing things. The world is a big place, and you are not necessarily trapped in your current location, prevailing culture, social circle, and circumstances.

10. “Do They Know It’s Christmas? (Feed the World)”: Helping others can keep you physically active, distract you from your other concerns, be therapeutic, and lead to new friends.

11. “Twelve Days of Christmas”: Maintain proper perspective. Remember that the Holiday season is temporary and will pass. Try not to take yourself and things too seriously. Just make sure you maintain healthful habits and avoid behaviors that will lead to health problems (such as gaining weight) beyond the holiday season.

12. “It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year”: Even if it doesn’t seem so to you, try to stay optimistic. Research has shown that optimism can have health benefits. Be open to new experiences and possibilities. Sometimes the best things in life are the most unexpected.

And if all of this doesn’t do enough to relieve your stress, you can always try singing...

Sure, you may want things to be flashy in bed. But maybe not in this way.

A case report published previously in the medical journal Retinal Cases and Brief Reports detailed how a 31-year-old man started seeing multi-colored flashes after taking an erectile dysfunction (ED) medication. Now, the man did purchase the liquid form of sildenafil citrate, which is the generic name for Viagra, over the Internet. Plus, he drank the medication straight from the bottle without bothering to measure how much he had consumed. So, one could say that “smart decision-making” wasn’t exactly the standing phrase in this case. Nevertheless, this case report was a reminder that ED medications can affect your eyes in different ways. That can be the case even when you take such medications properly. 

The man in the case report started seeing multi-colored flashes shortly after he had ingested the medication. His eyes grew sensitive to light, and everything he looked at seemed to have a red tint. He continued to experience symptoms (the flashes eventually stopped) for two days before going to the New York Eye and Ear Infirmary of Mount Sinai urgent care clinic. In the case report, Fatoumata Yanoga, MD, Ronald C. Gentile, MD, Toco Y. P. Chui, PhD, K. Bailey Freund, MD, Millie Fell, MD, FACS, Rosa Dolz-Marco, MD, PhD, and Richard B. Rosen, MD described what then happened.

Testing including adaptive optics (AO) and optical coherence tomography (OCT) imaging technology revealed that certain photoreceptors in his retina were damaged. Photoreceptors are cells in the retina, which is in the back of your eyes. As described in PubMed Health, photoreceptors absorb and convert light into electrical signals that then subsequently travel through your optic nerve to your brain where they eventually become the images that you see.

The Mount Sinai doctors found damage to his cone photoreceptors, one of two types of photoreceptors in your retina. Cones sit in the center part of your retina and help you see fine detail and color. The other type of photoreceptors are rods, which sit along the outer part of your retina and help you see in dim and dark light. Therefore, it is not surprising that damage to the cones would result in a red tint. Unfortunately, the red tint has persisted for over a year, despite steroid treatments, suggesting that this visual disturbance may be permanent.

Even when taking sildenafil citrate at recommended doses, you may experience temporary visual symptoms such as blurry vision, sensitivity to light, or color changes like a blueish tint. What do your real eyes have to do with a medication that is supposed to act on something that’s been called the one-eyed…umm, you know the saying? Well, think hard about how the medications lead to erections. They cause blood vessels to dilate so that more blood rushes into your friend down there. But such medications don’t just affect the blood flow to your penis. They can alter the blood flow to other parts of your body such as your retina and optic nerve. And temporarily messing with blood flow to those parts can temporarily mess with the functioning of cells in your retina. Hence the transient visual disturbances that some people have experienced with such medications.

However, this case report did show that the resulting visual disturbances could be permanent or at least much longer than transient when you take more than the recommended dosage. Granted, the man in the case report did order the ED medication over the Internet. And, when you order medications over the Internet, surprise, surprise, you can’t always tell whether what you are getting is the real deal and whether it includes other ingredients and contaminants may have been included.

That’s why you shouldn’t treat ED medications like you would Skittles. If you think you do need ED medications, talk to your doctor to make sure that such medications are appropriate for you and follow whatever instructions the doctor and the medication packaging provide. Hammers and surfboards may be OK to buy casually over the Internet, but medications require extra caution. You may not end up liking what you see.

Think about this the next time you dress your cat up to look like an elf or a little sailor. Not only might your cat not appreciate being made a fool of, but could he or she even be plotting your demise? Let's take a look at two sets of research and some common sense.

The first set came from a combined University of Georgia and National Geographic research team. The team strapped small cameras on house cats as part of their Kitty Cams (Crittercam) Project, because cats just love when you put stuff on them. These cameras allowed the team and everyone who visits the Kitty Cam website to watch what cats do when you aren't watching. After all, there's just not enough reality shows on television right now to keep you occupied.

The results were terrifying.

As illustrated by The Oatmeal (not a bowl of Oatmeal but the pseudonym used by cartoonist Matthew Inman), many of these cats were killing machines. One in 3 cats killed prey. The ones that killed prey averaged 2 kills per week. But this wasn't just “You look delicious” or self-defense killing. Nearly half (49%) of the resulting corpses were “left to rot,” which suggests that they were killing for, gasp, entertainment. Yes, for fun. The Oatmeal also emphasized that you probably see less than a quarter of the kills that your cat is making. Say hello to my little friend.

Here is some footage from the Kitty Cam (look away if you like lizards):

The second set of research came from a University of Edinburgh and Bronx Zoo team and was published in the Journal of Comparative Psychology. The team essentially tried to psychoanalyze domestic cats, Scottish wildcats, clouded leopards, snow leopards, and African lions. Here is one conclusion, “across the five felid species we assessed, personality structure was strikingly similar, and also seemed to be related to other studies’ findings, such as in cheetahs and tigers.”

As Keanu Reeves would say, “Whoa.” The Oxford Dictionary defines felid as “a mammal of the cat family,” as opposed to a reptile of the cat family. Saying that a domestic cat has a “strikingly similar personality structure” to other species that could maul and kill you is not comforting.  

The study (which is posted here) described personality traits of domestic cats that fell under the categories of dominance, impulsiveness, and neuroticism. Great. So your cat may be a killing machine who has impulsive, neurotic, and dominant traits? That does not sound like a good Craigslist ad for a roommate.

So the conclusion some may have drawn from the study is that the only things keeping your cat from taking you out are the fact that you are much bigger than your cat and your cat has not constructed the appropriate weapons yet. Thus, isn't the key to make sure that your cat doesn't start taking steroids or taking trips to the hardware store, right? Not exactly.

As some cat lovers (or at least cat defenders) pointed out, that was not really the point or the conclusion of the study. For example, Hilary Hanson of the HuffPost wrote a piece entitled “No, A Study Did NOT Find That Your Cat Wants To Kill You.” As Hanson described, “The misconception occurred because (Marieke) Gartner (the lead researcher for the study) referred to those three traits as the ‘personality factors’ present in cats and lions. But what that means is that one way to assess the feline’s personality is to place the cat on a spectrum of not very neurotic to very neurotic, or not very impulsive to very impulsive.” So it is true that the Journal of Comparative Psychology study did not say that your cat is necessarily plotting to kill you.

Nonetheless, here's how common sense kicks in. Keep in mind that not all domestic cats are the same. Like humans, cats are a very diverse lot, even though humans may try to clump them into one big bunch. There are probably friendlier cats, cooler cats, and more agreeable ones. As The Oatmeal detailed, many cats (two-thirds of them) don't seem to be killers. Therefore, your cat or cats may not necessarily be plotting to kill you and instead just want to cuddle.

However, there also may be cats who are just plain jerks, narcissists, sociopaths, and psychopaths, constantly thinking, “me, me, me” and about world domination. Thus, chances are that some cats somewhere indeed are plotting their owners’ demise. Could your cat be such a rogue cat? It's possible.

Moreover, domestic cats are probably a lot more complex than we realize. Just as many humans feel that they “know” what other humans are thinking or have experienced (even when they come from completely different backgrounds), it's easy to assume that you know exactly what a cat is thinking. The fact is you don't. What your cat is thinking probably heavily depends on your cat's specific personality and experiences. Each cat is unique. Moreover, how you treat your cat could make a big difference too. Certainly, abusing or neglecting your cat isn't going to win him or her as a friend.

Of course, just because you do something that your cat doesn't like does not mean that your cat will start having very dark thoughts about you. But your cat may not be so pleased with you. After all, how would you feel if your boss one day dressed you up as a sailor for no apparent reason?

:( Frowny face. Results from a study published in the journal Social Psychological and Personality Science suggest that including a smiley emoticon (":)") or an emoji (a picture of a smiley face) in a work email may make people think you are less competent.

Really? (Emoji of a shocked and confused look.)

The study, conducted by Ella Glikson from Ben-Gurion University, Arik Cheshin from the University of Haifa, and Gerben A. van Kleef from the University of Amsterdam, actually consisted of three experiments. The first randomly assigned 203 undergraduates (76% female) from the University of Amsterdam to receive one of four things — a photograph of a person with a neutral expression, a photograph of a person smiling, a greeting text without smileys, or a greeting text with smileys — and then asked the study subjects to rate the warmth and competence of the person who was shown in the picture or who sent the text.

The researchers found that study subjects rated the person smiling in the photograph as higher in warmth and competence than the person with the neutral expression. However, they rated the sender of the text with smileys as not significantly warmer and as less competent than the sender of the text with no smileys.

The second experiment recruited 90 English-speaking individuals (58% female) from 29 countries in North and South America, Western and Eastern Europe, and the Middle East. They had to read an email, rate the sender's warmth and competence, write an email in response, and guess whether the sender was male or female. The results? The inclusion of smiley faces in the email didn't affect the perception of warmth but did lower the perception of competence. When the original email had a smiley face, the study subjects' email responses tended to contain less information. In addition, when the email had a smiley face, study subjects tended to assume that the sender was female. However, the assumed gender of the email sender did not affect the rating of warmth or competence.

For the third experiment, the researchers had 85 U.S. citizens (47% female), who were recruited using Amazon’s Mechanical Turk, read an email from a new employee to an unfamiliar administrative assistant containing a question about either a staff meeting (representing a formal situation) or a social gathering (representing an informal situation). The researchers then asked the study subjects to rate the warmth and competence of the sender. In the formal situation, including smileys in the email seemed to have no effect on the perception of the sender's warmth but reduced the perception of the sender's competence. In the informal situation, including smileys seemed to increase the perception of the sender's warmth but had no effect on the perceptions of the sender's competence.

The bottom line from this study: Smiley faces in texts or emails may not help you seem warmer but may make you seem less competent.

Note that these studies did not use an excessive number of smileys, such as a smiley after every word; that might suggest that the sender is a bit unbalanced. And the test emails did not appear to put a smiley face in inappropriate locations — like "you're going to get fired :)" — or pair them with inappropriate text like "I put marshmallows in everyone's shoes :)."

No, the study suggests that the inclusion of merely a smiley face or two can affect how people view you — yet another example of how people can use superficial things to judge people.

This may be bad news (":(") for the 76% of American workers who use emoticons in professional communications, according to a survey commissioned by Cotap and conducted by Kelton Global of 1,000 American workers with smartphones. The survey showed the breakdown of emoticon use: 64% happy face, 16% thumbs up, 7% winking face, 3% heart, 3% surprised face, 3% sad face, 2% thumbs down, and 1% angry face.

However, the same survey showed that 78% of all surveyed did not feel very emotionally connected to those they worked with and that 33% wished they had better ways to express emotions when communicating in their workplaces. Moreover, 75% of those surveyed were interested in using emojis more often in professional communications.

One wonders whether the acceptability and perception of emoticon or emoji use will change as everything becomes more digital and mobile and those who grew up using such technology (e.g., millennials) increasingly set the tone at workplaces. After all, more and more work communication is occurring via modes that favor short bursts of text such as Slack, texts, and, yes, Twitter. Moreover, as the reliance on electronic communications leads to less face-to-face contact among co-workers, people may need to connect emotionally through digital channels. Maybe one of these days I will be able to fulfill a longstanding ambition to write an entire memo in nothing but emojis.

Moreover, the new study has limitations. The sample sizes aren't that large and may not reflect the diversity of people out there. Could there be a selection bias for emoji-ists? Possibly. The researchers also did not report in detail on the backgrounds of the people, the workplaces, or the professions represented in the sample. Some workplaces may be more welcoming to smiley faces than others. (Not sure how many times smiley faces are part of those operating nuclear reactors.) The communication modes of some workplaces may be more restricted than those of others. ("Doctor, why did you put smiley faces all over the patient's medical record?") Additionally, people differ in how much they use superficial appearance in judging people.

What, then, is the real bottom line? Should you use emoticons or emojis in workplace communications?

If you don't like using or have never used them, the workplace is not the place to start. (This holds true with almost any personal habit.) If you'd like to start, gradually ease into it. Begin by smiley facing under "safe" situations: around your friends, family, or dog. Don't jump from never smiley facing to excessive smiley facing. Drastic change makes people wonder what happened to you.

If you would like to use emoticons or emojis at work, get a sense of your workplace's culture first. See what others are doing before easing into it. Don't go overboard. Maybe you don't want to be known as that "smiley face" person. Furthermore, individuals react to things differently. While one co-worker, boss, or client may welcome smiley faces, another may not. Some tailoring of communication may be necessary.

These smiley-face suggestions probably apply more to initial contact. For example, you may not want to email someone you don't know and say: "Can I work at your company :)" or "It would be great if our organization can serve you :)" or "Come by tomorrow so that we can see if we need to remove your gallbladder :)". However, once you've established your competence, smiley-facing may be less likely to influence what others think about your abilities.

Finally, if you are at the receiving end of a smiley face, don't judge. It really shouldn't be a mark of competence in any way, unless the person's job is to generate as many smiley faces as possible.

Follow me on Twitter or LinkedIn. Check out my website. 

What’s going on Down Under? Australia came out on top of the recently released “Global Promiscuity Index,” which was covered by the Daily Mail, The New York Post, and some other outlets. This Index is a ranking system put together by NapLab, a mattress company (yes, a mattress company) that scored 45 different countries around the world on six sex-related factors. Brazil finished second in these rankings. Greece third.

And the U.S.?

Well, in this ranking, America wasn’t exactly the top model of promiscuity, landing at the number 15 spot, right below the United Kingdom and Japan. But before you start moving to Australia—or away from Australia depending on your preferences—simply on the basis of this ranking, keep in mind that this Index and ranking were far from a scientifically validated study.

Yeah, when you want to have sex, you may seek a mattress. But when you are looking for well-conducted scientific analyses, a mattress company may not be the first place you’d look. This “Global Promiscuity Index” and these rankings have not been through the standard peer-review process that scientific journal publications and more official rankings go through. Plus, the Index does have a number of clear limitations, which will be discussed shortly. Therefore, take these rankings with a mattress full of salt.

Here are the Top 20 most sexually promiscuous countries as laid out by NapLab:

1. Australia

2. Brazil

3. Greece

4. Chile

5. New Zealand

6. Germany

7. Italy

8. Switzerland

9. Thailand

10. South Africa

11. Czechia

12. Finland

13. United Kingdom

14. Japan

15. United States

16. Netherlands

17. Mexico

18. Denmark

19. Iceland

20. Canada

Apparently, this was based on a composite score put together by NapLab that consisted of the following six sex-related factors:

• The average age at which people lost their virginity: The younger the age, the higher the score and vice-versa. This factor could contribute up to 100 points to the overall score. In case you are interested, Denmark had the youngest average age at 16.1 years, followed by Sweden at 16.2 and Finland at 16.5. The mean age for the U.S. was 18 years. So if you are in America and can vote, get a Costco card, and buy spray paint, apparently on average you’ve had your first ever sexual intercourse experience already. Where did NapLab get these numbers? They cited 2016 pieces in The Daily Star and the Indy 100—two lay publications that aren’t exactly scientific journals—that, in turn, mentioned Durex's Face of Global Sex report that asked around 29,000 people around the world about their sex lives. Durex, by the way, makes condoms, lube, and various sex toys.

• The average number of sexual partners: Similarly here, the greater the number, the higher the score. How a country scores on this factor could also lend up to 100 points to the overall score. This information came from the World Population Review, which listed Turkey as the country with the highest average of sexual partners over a person’s lifetime at 14.5. That’s an average as it is very difficult to have half a sexual partner. Next on this list was Australia with 13.3 partners, followed by New Zealand (13.2), Iceland (13.0), and South Africa (12.5). The U.S. clocked in at 10.7, just in case you are trying to compare your experience with others. But no one compares themselves with others, right?

• The STD rate: Just like the first two factors, for this factor, the higher the rate, the higher the score out of 100 points. According to the numbers presented by NapLab, South Africa had the highest STD rate at 32,054 per 100,000 people in the population followed by Brazil at 31,746. The U.S. rate was 19,900. What were the sources of these numbers? NapLab cited something called the Wisevoter website that presumably drew those statistics from the World Health Organization (WHO).

• The percentage of the population who find premarital sex between adults to be morally acceptable: This also had a maximum score of 100 points with the larger percentages meaning higher scores. The highest percentage was 94% for France—considerably higher than the 65% for the U.S. Of note, NapLab did not list a percentage for every country. For these numbers, NapLab cited the Pew Research Center’s 2013 Global Attitudes survey that asked 40,117 respondents in 40 countries about eight different topics including premarital sex.

• Whether prostitution is legal or partially legal: Legal prostitution meant that this contributed 50 points to the overall score. Although prostitution is considered illegal in the U.S., it is legal in Australia, Greece, New Zealand, Germany, Switzerland, the Netherlands, Turkey, Hungary, and Slovakia and partially legal in Brazil, Italy, Chile, Thailand, Czechia, Finland, the U.K., Japan, Mexico, Denmark, Spain, Austria and a number of other countries.

• Whether premarital sex is illegal among citizens of the given country: Legal premarital sex meant 25 points for this component of the score. Premarital sex is illegal in only two of the 45 countries: Indonesia and Malaysia.

It’s important to remember that the final score and thus the rankings did depend heavily on not only what factors were selected but also how each of them was weighted. This Index in effect weighed the first four factors equally with less weight on the fifth and sixth factors. It’s not completely clear how and why NapLab devised this particular weighting scheme. Or how they determined the relationship between the data and the score in each of the six factors. Or whether all of this followed a scientific process.

Furthermore, data for this Index did come from varied sources. As you can imagine, information on some of the six factors was more straightforward, easier to obtain, and more accurate than others. It’s relatively straightforward to read the laws to determine whether premarital sex and prostitution are legal in a country. Many countries make the rates of reportable STDs readily available online, such as via the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) website.

By contrast, the remaining info is a little more squirrely. For example, you may not readily reveal things such as the age at which you lost your virginity and the number of sexual partners you’ve had to anyone else besides your partner and Google when you search for something like, “Is 298 partners too many?” Therefore, data on such information for each of the 45 countries had to come from surveys of selected samples of people from each country. Such samples may not necessarily be representative of the entire population. For example, searching the Internet for the average number of sexual partners in the U.S. will return a fair amount of variability, ranging from 4.3 for women and 6.3 for men, according to the CDC, to 19 and 26, respectively, based on a survey conducted by Nectar Sleep covered by Sarah Fielding for the Insider.

A further complication is that surprise, surprise, people can lie about their sexual experiences. In the American Pie movie series, the Jessica and Stifler characters spoke of the rule of three, where men might inflate or exaggerate the number of sexual partners whom they have had by three times and women might deflate or divide the number of partners by three as well. Of course, this rule has not been verified by peer-reviewed scientific studies. But it does highlight the fact that people may not be telling the truth and nothing but the truth on surveys.

Ultimately, country trends do not reflect what’s happening with each individual. For example, the average number of sexual partners in the U.S. may have been 10.7 according to the data used for this Index. But that’s approximately 4790 less than the 4800 sexual partners that Gene Simmons has claimed that he has had and potentially more than the number of partners that many people in America have had. A key thing to remember is that averages don’t really reflect the overall distribution of the population. So, just because someone hails from Australia doesn’t mean that you should give that person a nudge-nudge, wink-wink. The rankings don’t mean that everyone Down Under is getting down to the same degree, so to speak.