Wives, listen to me:

Outside of a growing relationship with God and His Word, through the power of the Holy Spirit, you are your husband’s earthly fulfillment.

The Song of Solomon isn’t just some nice, intimate poetry between a husband and wife. It is the template for a husband and wife’s intimacy. And it’s a great read. It’s not as scandalous as some teachers would have you believe. Read it with your spouse. It’s actually really short and sweet.

The problem is, Christians these days don’t read their Bibles, much less remotely obey them - especially related to marriage doctrines - so just about every marriage today has some level of feminist theology attached to it. And to assuage the feminist masses, the Church has given in to some of it. We created this unbiblical idea of “Complementarianism.” And while I’ve tried to address it by subtler means, a heavy hand is now required. And then I have to address the feminism at its root. I don’t like being forced into these things, but here we are. And since this is where we are…

Here we go.

Complementarianism

Complementarianism, formulated in the late 1980s, is the idea that no role, function, or divinely given predisposition in marriage is more important than any other; rather, the biblically defined roles are complementary, not hierarchical in the truest and most literal sense. It’s the theological equivalent of “While the husband is the head, the wife is the neck that turns it.” As funny as some would like you to think that statement is, it’s not, and it’s decidedly unbiblical. It’s actually diabolical when you think about it.

I can practically hear the bristling of some of you wives, and some of you weak husbands probably want to show your wives what I just wrote and say, “Can you believe this?!” I know because I know those kinds of men. But I’m not afraid of your wife, and neither should you be. I’m more afraid of falsely teaching doctrine that contributes to these preventable marital messes than your inability to control your wife.

So let’s get this straight.

The husband is the head of the home, full stop(Ephesians 5.23-24). The wife is the helpmeet, full stop(Genesis 2.18). The wife is not the neck that turns the head, but the neck that supports the head. She certainly has some sway, but she is under the head, never to undermine it; not with her own mind, body, or heart unless the husband is leading in a sinful and unbiblical direction. In that case, she is given clear biblical direction on how to handle such leading (1 Corinthians 7.12-16). Note that I’m not talking about divorce or abuse. Don’t change the subject or move the goalposts. “But I have agency!” cries the modern wife. Yes, you do. And all females have just as much value in God’s eyes as any male. And also, like men, y’all only have as much agency as God gave you as a creation with the ability to choose. And since you chose to marry a man, you chose to sit under his authority, however imperfectly he wields it, and you are thusly commanded to submit to his authority as unto the Lord(Ephesians 5.22). If you do not like how that particular authority structure was formed, fine. But if you so choose to disobey or undermine it in any way, you are in direct defiance of God. And if you think I need to talk to men about their disobedience to God, you haven’t been here long, lady. Read the previous posts at bsapologetics.substack.com. I’ve said worse to them.

Additionally, there is no complement to the husband’s role, full stop. This is also true of the role of a wife, full stop. Ephesians 5 makes this abundantly clear, as you can see:

“Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless. So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, because we are members of His body.”

‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭5‬:‭22‬-‭30‬ ‭NASB1995‬‬

The problem isn’t the passage itself, obviously. It’s God’s Word, inerrant and complete. It’s in how spiritual leaders communicate this passage.

Have you ever thought about the husband’s directive here? “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her…” Think about that for a second. Husbands are called to love their wives “…just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her…” Husbands are to love you, wives, as Christ loves the Church. As He gave Himself up…for the Church. As He allowed Himself to be tortured, maimed, whipped, beaten, mauled, stripped of every ounce of humanity, betrayed, sold, spit upon, forsaken, denied, becoming a bloody pulp of a person, unrecognizable in body as a man, torn into ribbons from scalp to genitals to pinky toe, crowned with thorns dug into His skull, then nailed to a cross to slowly suffocate, fluid filling His lungs, still being mocked and ridiculed by His torturers…for the Church. He denied His throne and humbled Himself to present Himself a living sacrifice…for the Church. And He did it all out of love for those who would choose Him. A husband is called to love you, wives, in the same way. You are called to submit to your husband’s authority. That’s difficult, but nothing compared to his directive. It’s not nothing, but it’s not what your husbands are called to either. If you can’t see that, well, then…wow.

While some aspects of husbanding and wiving are complementary (the way we think, feel, physically interact with the world, and sexually interact with each other, for a few examples), the core God-given directives are entirelydifferent. A wife is not commanded to be the same as the husband. That’s because the husband is called to a higher standard. We are all called as Christians to be Christlike, but a husband is commanded to love his wife as if he were Christ.

Let that sink in.

On top of that, if you think that marriage is Complementarian, you also don’t understand how marriage is a picture of the marriage between Christ and His bride, the Church. Christ is not a complement to His bride, and vice versa. He is over His bride, completely, in all things. The Church is under Christ, completely, in all things. To actually believe any semblance otherwise is borderline blasphemous. So if earthly marriage is a picture of the marriage of Christ and His bride, I’d tread lightly in thinking the biblical framework for such is Complementarian.

Complementarianism, at its root, then, is appeasement. It’s a theological holding up of the hands and saying, “We don’t want to deal with the feminism we can’t root out of our marriages, so we’ll just create this weird -ism to shut up our wives and women.” So, in essence, Complementarianism is a condescension of marriage, husbands, wives, and the true biblical nature of such a union. It downplays the importance of hierarchical governance and misrepresents other biblical doctrines, even symbolically, that ought not be trifled with simply for being biblical doctrines in the first place.

The husband is called to the highest position in the home, second to God. He does not share this position with his wife, and she does not steer his authority how she pleases, if and when she pleases. She helps him with his role, but ultimately ought to submit to it so far as she biblically can.

That is the biblical hierarchy for marriage. If you’re honest, you do not see anything complementary in that. Which means, if you thought otherwise, repentance is the next step.

I’ve all but explicitly said Complementarianism was created to appease Feminism, so let me explicitly say it and then explain why that’s true.

Complementarianism was created to appease Feminism.

Feminism

Feminism has this weird trick. Because it’s been around for so long and mutated into the wave of screeching blue-haired trannies that it is today, it’s managed to make many of us forget that its core doctrines from first wave to third and fourth haven’t changed and are rotten to their core.

Core doctrines of feminism are paraphrased as follows:

• Promotion of the Individual over the Family(which, consequently, always ends in “The Wife/Momma is the most important person in the house” or “If Momma ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy”)

• Adaptation of Traditional Marriage to Fit Personal Preferences(again, ending with the wife’s/mother’s preferences trumping all)

• Subversion, Deconstruction, and Reconstruction of Biblical Hierarchical Authority and Biblically Defined Roles

• Elevation of “Personal Rights” over Godly Obedience

Let’s examine each of these a little closer. I’ll explain them and just let you sit with said explanations, considering everything else we’ve discussed.

Promotion of the Individual over the Family

As this is Feminism we’re talking about, it should go without saying that the female, specifically the wife and/or mother - and to a lesser but still higher extent than the rest, the daughters - are the individuals promoted over the family as a whole.

Adaptation of Traditional Marriage to Fit Personal Preferences

For the feminist, traditional marriage is a fluid idea, not an immovable one. It can ebb and flow with the tides of the season, culture, and age, add to and take away from based on whim, emotion, or desire, and identify with and as whatever the personal preferences of the primary decision-maker dictate. In 2026, that looks like homosexual “marriage,” polyamory, throuples, no-fault divorce over “irreconcilable differences,” men having to sleep on the couch or being sent to the proverbial “doghouse,” or “Open Marriages.”

Subversion, Deconstruction, and Reconstruction of Biblical Hierarchical Authority and Biblically Defined Roles

Feminism, as with every other sub-genre of Postmodernism, works to subvert, deconstruct, and reconstruct things to its liking and image. Since nothing really means anything in Postmodernism, who’s to say biblical hierarchical authority and biblically defined roles are the way things should be? Because God said so? Did He really say that, or is that Paul forcing his own relational preferences into the biblical text? And God’s not a man, right? Merely Spirit? And if that’s all true, how can we really say that’s what God says? God doesn’t hate women. He probably prefers them. I mean, why wouldn’t He? And aren’t men and women equal under God? So, men and women should have equal rights and roles, at the very least complementary ones, right?

Elevation of “Personal Rights” over Godly Obedience

Almost coming full circle to the first feminist doctrine, the individual’s rights trump everything else, even God’s commands. If a wife doesn’t want to have sex with her husband, she has every “right” to say no and withhold it for a reason or no reason at all. If a mother doesn’t want to nurture the children, she has every “right” to force her husband to become a stay-at-home dad while she goes out into the workforce. Or the wife/mother has every “right” to climb the corporate ladder, her family, marriage, and biblical literacy be damned.

I’ll just let you all sit with that, husbands and wives both. I know many of you who read this and didn’t see what you see now in your marriages and homes until this moment. I won’t hammer this point any further for the time being. I know it hurts too much as it is.

The Struggle

The point of this letter is to make the point below:

Wives, if you do not do your part, you are practically begging for another woman, object, thought, or idea to do it for you.

Your husband is responsible for his sinful behavior, yes, but you are responsible for yours as well. And your condemnation of him as a man with the specific, lifelong struggle of lust that only men carry is going to do more harm than good. In fact, condemning him for it when you’ve contributed to the problem by not performing your godly, wifely requirements is sinful and shameful.

Let me break it down for you.

Your husband, as godly as he may become, until he is home with the Lord, will struggle with sexual sin. And his mind is as dark as it comes. Personally, my past has only made my mind worse. I don’t know a man who doesn’t struggle a lot, though. So even a man without my past will still, always struggle. There is no perfect freedom or deliverance from it here on earth, only divinely given relief from time to time. And there is also the opportunity and need to flee temptation as often as possible. Unfortunately, in 2026, that’s nigh impossible, but not totally. That’s a reality, not an excuse. There is no excuse for sin. And the local church is no longer the safe space it ought to be. There are relatively few places outside of your home where women are taught, much less know how to dress.

Reading this, you may feel inclined to ask your husband about his mind, and you should. But do not ask for specifics and details. Your husband’s mind is not for you to completely know. Your husband’s mind is for you to take care of. You are to help him struggle well. Here’s what that looks like practically.

Now that you know your husband struggles, don’t turn on your favorite streaming service and make him sit with you and watch stuff, romantic or otherwise, with half or fully naked men and women faking intercourse and orgasm. I didn’t say don’t make him watch romantic stuff. I’ll say that at a later date. But back to the point about the stuff with naked bodies.

1. That’s not for you or him to experience except with each other

2. It’s making his struggle worse, and hurting your marriage

3. If you still proceed knowing all the above, it’s sinful in a plethora of ways outside of being plainly selfish and self-incriminating in its own right

If you still want to watch those things, even by yourself, then, speaking plainly, you need correction, repentance, and accountability for your own sexual sin.

But think of it like this, too. If your husband is recovering from drug, tobacco, or alcohol addiction, and you still choose to smoke or drink a nice glass of Chardonnay at the end of the day, right in front of him, you are making it unnecessarily more difficult for your husband to stay clean and sober. Apply that to sexual things, and you get the idea even without addiction coming into the conversation. We’ll talk about smoking and general alcohol consumption another day.

Again, he has no excuse for willfully falling into sin. But a wife will never understand her husband’s needs in this area, even when I put it this clearly. Believe me, you don’t want to understand it all. And any husband who doesn’t think he has these needs or struggles is lying or ignorant of the facts.

Conclusion

Wives, you can only expect your husband to live up to his godly calling if you are. Yes, he must obey God. He must lead. Those are nonnegotiables. But he needs you. We need you, wives. More than you will ever know. God put y’all in our lives to provide help in every area. But we don’t need feminism, even disguised as something so seemingly innocuous as Complementarianism. We need you. We need your help, your body, your heart, your mind, your whole, beautiful self. And we need you to submit to us as to the Lord. I know it’s a big ask from me, but God commanded it. It’s the way He designed it.

Husbands, though, your wife should not do all the work. Compared to you, it should always look like she’s doing 50% of her capacity. But you don’t outwork her out of pride. You do it out of love and obedience to the Father. Your calling is far higher than hers. You are built for something far more difficult than she will ever understand.

While the wives need more grace(1 Peter 3.7), men, you need balls. God gave most of us at least two of them. We’re going to need all we can to fulfill our calling. He accepts no excuses. If your wife doesn’t follow you, and your home is out of control, that’s on you, either way. And God is going to hold you accountable for it. So as much as your wife needs to do what’s required of her, it’s up to you to make fulfilling her requirements as easy as possible. After all, God paved the way for us with His Son Jesus. He made coming to Him simple. How difficult have you made marriage for your wife?

Wives, lean into your calling as a helpmeet and meet the need for help. That would be helpful. Wives must help. Please.

Be faithful,

Alan

And if you’ve made it this far and want to read something on a different subject, consider The Buffalo and the Bear. It’s my other newsletter to talk on much broader topics. Check out the recent post here: Those Pesky Jews.

I appreciate you being here!

You would think this is all clickbait, but it’s not. It’s all over the “Manosphere.” The only things as prevalent in that sphere are denigrating women and hating Jews. Millennial men - any men, in fact - who believe this crap are in for a rude awakening. The joy, hope, and possibility that are actually alive and well in a structured environment that holds someone accountable are unfathomable to them. It’d be sad if it weren’t so easily preventable.

Additionally, you can thrive and make something of yourself anywhere, especially today.

Guys, you’re not victims of technocratic overlords. You’re a victim of your own ignorance and naivety. You’re little boys on TRT. You’re drowning in porn, alcohol, postmodernism, and ragebait.

“When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put aside childish things.”

‭‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭13‬:‭11‬ ‭CSB‬‬

Do better.

There is a library down the street. There is a faithful church nearby. A Bible can be delivered within a day through Amazon. Gyms are open 24/7. Good women are still around.

I’m no fan of the present state of the world, but I’m no fan of rose-tinted vision looking at the past either.

Nut up, shut up, look up, and get over yourself.

Go build something. Work for someone. Embrace hard things. Maintaining your integrity and character while doing it all is admirable. If you’re a Christian man, do it for the Lord. See how valuable anything and everything you put your hand to becomes when you have the right perspective.

“So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do everything for the glory of God.”

‭‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭10‬:‭31‬ ‭CSB‬‬

“Slaves, obey your human masters in everything. Don’t work only while being watched, as people-pleasers, but work wholeheartedly, fearing the Lord. Whatever you do, do it from the heart, as something done for the Lord and not for people, knowing that you will receive the reward of an inheritance from the Lord. You serve the Lord Christ. For the wrongdoer will be paid back for whatever wrong he has done, and there is no favoritism.”

‭‭Colossians‬ ‭3‬:‭22‬-‭25‬ ‭CSB‬‬

A godly mindset is a treasure. It’ll keep your hands from being idle and your head out of your butt.

Be faithful.

A

One of the many inconvenient truths found throughout church history is that while we were discerning many important issues(the hypostatic union, inspiration of scripture, the Trinity, etc), we also gave time and effort to quibbling over clearly heretical issues(the nature of Mary, the worship and adoration of saints and martyrs, the nature of the bread and wine in communion, etc) instead of shutting them down where they stood. While we did this, we lost the plot, and things like Islam, atheism, Marxism, feminism, and sexual freedom ran amok through the centuries. Lest we forget all of the cults that spawned while we entertained retarded arguments.

We lost sight of the created order, the family, the Church as a gathering of believers, evangelism, and discipleship. It’s not that men weren’t leading, per se. It’s that they were leading in the wrong direction.

So here’s the short and sweet of it: men must lead, yes, but men must lead correctly, in the right direction.

We must focus on the created order(God’s design), the family(the first structure of governance), the Church as a gathering of believers(the second most important structure of governance), and, most importantly, evangelism(making more believers) and discipleship(helping believers make more believers).

We don’t lead by giving credence to retarded arguments within the fold. It’s one thing to hash out an idea; it’s another thing to dedicate years and councils to ruminating on clearly unbiblical heresy. And genuine questions and doubts are real, but those who seek the deconstruction and ultimate destruction of a soul are not to be entertained or given a platform.

Men, lead. Lead correctly and in the right direction. How? There’s a handbook called the Bible. Read it and then lead from there.

Men must lead.

“Now flee from youthful lusts and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart. But refuse foolish and ignorant speculations, knowing that they produce quarrels. The Lord’s bond-servant must not be quarrelsome, but be kind to all, able to teach, patient when wronged, with gentleness correcting those who are in opposition, if perhaps God may grant them repentance leading to the knowledge of the truth, and they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, having been held captive by him to do his will.”

‭‭2 Timothy‬ ‭2‬:‭22‬-‭26‬ ‭NASB1995‬‬

Men,

Below you’ll find a piece written by my sister, Beth Nelson. In it, she shows far more grace to me than I deserve. When my son was born, and as he lives, I want people to know the testimony his life is for the Lord. Little did I know my own actions and behavior were a testimony. I know I’m not always the man she makes me out to be in her very kind words, but my prayer is I’ll be remembered as such. It’s only by the grace of God any of us have a testimony. I more so wanted to share her piece, though, because she makes very important points, and those points hit different coming from a woman. Especially a woman who has every reason to hate men. But her grace through her own journey speaks volumes. I hope God blesses you through her thoughts.

Be faithful,

Alan

“Behold, children are a gift of the Lord, The fruit of the womb is a reward.”

‭‭Psalms‬ ‭127‬:‭3‬ ‭NASB1995‬‬

Last October, I had the most precious nephew born. He was full term but had the list stacked against him of reasons why he might not make it. I remember one night where we really thought he wasn’t going to survive until morning. He was in the NICU for over a month, lots of knees hit the floor, praying for strength and a miracle.

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous! Do not tremble or be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.””

‭‭Joshua‬ ‭1‬:‭9‬ ‭NASB1995‬‬

I want to share a quality that my brother showed during that time, which I believe more men need to be praised for. As a single mom, I’ve learned to appreciate the role of honorable, Godly fathers so much more. More specifically, the weight they carry. Having to be both roles has taught me that men have so much on their shoulders and, honestly, I’m tired of hearing women complain and choose divorce for the most ridiculous reasons that they cloak in “feminism”. During what I’m sure was one of the hardest times in my brother’s life, he displayed a quiet strength that made me respect and admire him so much more. He got up every day, led his family, continued to show up at work, visited little Bear every chance he got, all the while showing a compassion and calm that I can’t even explain. Visiting my nephew the first time, not sure if there would be another, my brother showed no signs of breaking but kept his voice calm and steady. He was kind and even made jokes with one of the nurses caring for his son, who was hooked up to SO many different things. My brother taught me about all the things my little nephew was getting pumped into him to help him survive, and never once did I see him flinch. I wanted to break down and sob seeing little Bear hooked up to everything, but I remained strong because my brother was showing a strength that I can’t imagine, and it helped me stay present and not let my emotions take over.

My brother, Alan, wasn’t overcompensating for his pain. He wasn’t talking with an overly charismatic voice to mask his struggle or brokenness. He stayed steady and calm. He was allowing God to navigate the ship he and his family were on, no matter how hard the waves came crashing. He continued choosing to trust and put his son in the Father’s hand, regardless of what the outcome was going to be. Alan was mentally preparing to plan for a celebration of life ceremony because he knew that God’s plan for his son’s healing might mean that Bear would get to meet Jesus sooner than we would want.

“Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.’”

‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭41‬:‭10‬ ‭NASB1995‬‬

I’m so proud of my brother and the leadership, love, and quiet strength he showed during a time when nobody would blame him for breaking. I’m sure he had moments where he did or moments where he cried out to the Lord, BUT God is good! God’s strength, not little Bear’s, got him through, and he is thriving at 7 months old. God’s strength, not my brother’s, kept my brother’s heart steady and his wisdom intact when he and his family were dealing with brokenness.

“The words of the wise heard in quietness are better than the shouting of a ruler among fools.”

‭‭Ecclesiastes‬ ‭9‬:‭17‬ ‭NASB1995‬‬

Men, you’ve gotten the short end of the stick at times, and I’m sorry for that. You can’t be strong because you will be told you’re toxic. You can’t lead because you’ll be called chauvinistic. You can’t have quiet strength because you’re accused of shutting people out. God’s design for you is greater than the voice of the world.

Women, we can’t live without them! We need their quiet strength and their leadership! Take it from someone who has to do it all, God’s design for the family is better than following social media that tells you that you can do it alone. My situation is different, and I left biblically. However, the influencers who want to feed into you that men are toxic and that being submissive is sexist are ignoring God’s plan.

“Be on the alert, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong.”

‭‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭16‬:‭13‬ ‭NASB1995‬‬

Men of God trust in a higher plan; they carry their struggles quietly because they know the author of their family’s story, and they lead their families through the storm by helping calm those in the boat, no matter how hard it gets rocked.

If you are single, pray for a man like that. Looks and muscles fade, but a man whose desire is after the Lord will help lead you through the darkest days by helping you pursue the light. In turn, women, while you’re praying for him…allow God to lead you to be the kind of woman a man after Him will want to pursue.

“A good man will obtain favor from the Lord, But He will condemn a man who devises evil.”

‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭12‬:‭2‬ ‭NASB1995‬‬

“An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels.”

‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭31‬:‭10‬ ‭NASB1995‬‬

We’re living in an age where truth resides in a “nonpermissible environment.”

The suppression of the truth is at an all-time high. Christians refuse to endure sound doctrine en masse. And much of humanity hates the light. Sadly, for many of us, that’s true for almost the entirety of our relationships. So, how do we combat it? How do we continue to live in a world that hates truth, doesn’t want it, much less stand the sound of it?

We have three choices:

1. Give up/Give in. This is where we figuratively or literally walk into the ocean and never walk out. This is a nihilistic choice, not a biblical one, but, to be quite honest, still tempting given that being in the presence of Truth Incarnate is preferable to living a life with a muzzle on. And it’s especially tempting, given that God tells us to stand up, while the entire world tells us to stand down, beating us to that point at times. But we are told to persevere for God’s glory, nonetheless. So giving up isn’t just nihilistic but also disobedient and inevitably leads to soft apostasy. Giving up and giving in to heresy is easier than the pain of faithfulness.

“Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom also we have obtained our introduction by faith into this grace in which we stand; and we exult in hope of the glory of God. And not only this, but we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope; and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us.”

‭‭Romans‬ ‭5‬:‭1‬-‭5‬ ‭NASB1995‬‬

1. Resent the world. This is the opposite of loving God and loving our neighbor(Matthew 22.34-40), but it’s still a choice. A disobedient one, but still tempting. It’s very difficult to walk outside the walls of your heart, mind, body, and soul and love your neighbor. Your neighbor could be your wife, who won’t respect you. Or it could be your literal neighbor who believes a false gospel and uses their front yard as a billboard for it. It could even be your teenage daughter who won’t listen and refuses to wear pants under her oversized sweatshirt. You could resent them all and close yourself off, never sharing the love of Christ. And, again, it’s tempting because the circumstances are so frustrating and emotionally fraying.

“Do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.”

‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭4‬:‭30‬-‭32‬ ‭NASB1995‬‬

1. Lean in. This option is especially difficult to choose because it’s not tempting. You see, leaning in doesn’t mean “get louder.” Leaning in means getting meeker. Leaning in means a quiet yet powerful presence. Leaning in means knowing you could tear every falsehood apart down to its molecular structure…without actually doing it. Leaning in means Christlikeness. And as many examples we have of powerful prophets and righteous warriors for God in Scripture and church history, they are all flawed types of Christ in one way or another. Christ’s very presence was a threat to falsehood. He barely said a word to defend Himself. He merely existed in moments, and it sent His enemies into a murderous rage. When He did speak, His words were deliberate, thoughtful, and weighted(John 18-19.15). Leaning in means doing that. Which is why it’s not tempting.

To be totally transparent, I am not doing well in the 21st century. Every day, I walk outside to the positively loathesome stench of falsehood in the air. It almost makes me gag. Family gatherings are increasingly difficult. Professional life is a test of patience and endurance. Friends are spiritually jumping ship like it’s a yacht party. And don’t even get me started on the internet. The constant gaslighting, propaganda, and false narratives in just about everything are enraging, and that includes the Christian world. It’s depressing and maddening. Faithfulness is given lip service but not really valued, much less truth itself, and I’ve seen so many men give up and give in, raising the white flag of theological liberalism to appease their own burnt-to-a-crisp nervous system. Additionally, it’s taking a toll on those at the tip of the spear, with spiritual PTSD running rampant across the ministry. It’s a wonder we don’t have more men answering the siren’s call to folly.

Are there times to respond and give a reason for the hope you have in Christ? Certainly, but that’s not what we’re talking about here. We’re talking about how to get through the majority of instances where there’s no receptive crowd. And, brothers, getting through those instances is tough.

But Jesus went through it(Matthew 4.1-11). Boy, did He go through it(John 19.16-30). He never threw in the towel. And while He could’ve drawn blood on several occasions, and had every right to, He showed mercy. He showed compassion. He displayed perfect meekness.

How often do we show mercy? I mean real, biblical mercy, not progressive tolerance. How often do we show compassion? I mean real, biblical compassion, not unbiblical empathy. How often do we display meekness? I mean real, biblical meekness, not pacifism. How often do I? How often do you? How often do we lean in to Christlikeness? Is our quiet demeanor as powerful a tool for the gospel as we think our mouths are?

We won’t know unless we try. And for the sake of those we love who are dying and going to hell, we have to do whatever it takes. And whatever it takes begins on our knees, not the tip of our swords.

“He was oppressed and He was afflicted, Yet He did not open His mouth; Like a lamb that is led to slaughter, And like a sheep that is silent before its shearers, So He did not open His mouth.”

‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭53‬:‭7‬ ‭NASB1995‬‬

Be faithful,

Alan

One-Time Encouragement Gift

I am the son of a miracle child and the father of two. My father is an only son, I am an only son, and my son is an only son. And if my father’s legacy was just a living, breathing slap in the face of abortion, that would be enough. But he’s not merely a good reason to avoid child sacrifice; he’s also a godly example for all men to follow (you can subscribe to his newsletter here). And God has used him mightily in the world to this day. I can’t say the same for myself, but I pray my son has two-fold the godliness and impact of his granddad and his great granddads.

The miracle of the males I’m blessed to be surrounded by isn’t what I want to discuss today, however. That will come later. What I want to discuss is the weight of seeing my son live, the miracle he is, and watching him grow. Because, you see, I know many men who have lost sons. I know men who’ve lost their only son. Who lost more than one. Who don’t know if their child was a son or daughter because they lost them too early. I know men who have more sons in heaven than they do daughters in their arms. And as I look into the eyes of my son, the weight of the knowledge that I get to look into his eyes right now, blinking, finding mine, his hands looking for fingers to hold, is crushing.

Yes, I’ve asked God why He chose to allow Elias to live and others’ sons to die. I am blessed beyond all measure, with my daughter and my son, and I could ask the same question about my daughter. But that’s where the difference between my daughter and my son comes into play.

See, my daughter is a beautiful, bright, hilarious, Carolina girlie girl through and through. She loves pink everything and running around barefoot outside as soon as there’s a tinge of warmth in the air. And she loves Jesus and the Bible even at almost four years old, although I don’t think she quite understands the value of either in her life yet. She was born with some blood sugar and oxygen issues, along with other birth complications, but nothing compared to what her brother went through.

To keep it short, Elias didn’t have enough blood to be alive, nor enough red blood cells in the blood he did have. The doctors really never made sense of his living and breathing, and that’s just the two primary issues he had. There’s a massive list of other issues he was born with that contribute to an estimated .2-.5% survival probability with the NICU’s intervention. Even then, they don’t know how he’s still with us.

So when I call Elias a miracle child - a baby boy with a beautiful smile who loves his momma but medical science can’t explain - I’m not being hyperbolic. His life is an act of God.

The reality is, without divine intervention, he’d be like many of yours: with God but not forgotten.

How do I process that? How do you process having a son you can’t hold? I don’t know how to answer those questions. And as well written as this letter is, it’s still an awkward mess of thoughts I can’t really articulate as well as the topic deserves. Here’s what I can do, though. I can share with you how I’m handling the weight of 10,000 sons being gone while mine is here beside me. And I mean no disrespect. I’m just sorry for you fathers who will never be able to hold the sons you’ve lost until eternity, if then. Maybe how I’m processing the honor of sharing my son’s life with him will help in some way? Or maybe some of you will take this as insensitive, I don’t know. I can only share how God has led my heart and let Him do the rest.

I will both allow and encourage my son to be a boy. If there’s anything I’ve learned about the 21st-century world, it’s that it won’t like Elias merely for being male. Well, tough crap, world. He’s going to be boisterous. He’s going to play rough. He’s going to be wild. He’s going to be strong. He’s not going to sit still. And he’s going to do so with confidence. And I’m going to encourage that so far as it’s not sinful. I will be that Dad. He will be that son.

I will both allow and encourage my son to be a man. The last thing the 21st-century world wants my boy to be is a man. A real man. A rub-some-dirt-in-it man. A man who doesn’t allow loud women to lord over him. An oaken man of ideals if not stature. A man who loves his momma and sister more than any woman until he finds a woman better than both to marry. A man who apologizes only for what he does wrong, not for being what he is: a monster who knows how to control it.

I will both allow and encourage my son to be godly. My son has already proven he’s braver than any man I’ve ever known. His story is evidence of that. Not every man crawls away from a battle like he fought with such a clear sense of optimism. So I’ll direct that survivor’s will and instinct, as best I can, into the Savior’s arms. Elias’ namesake is Elijah. His will to live can only be tamed by the One who gave him life. And I’ll do my best to keep up and guide Elias with and to God’s Word.

None of these allowances and encouragements ensures a perfect son, and I will not allow or encourage him perfectly. And I know my son will rebel. He is my son, after all. But I carry a weight knowing how blessed I am to actually raise him.

It’s not lost on me, as I hope I’ve conveyed, how much God has placed in my hands to steward, with my son andmy daughter. And that’s what I pray his mother and I do: steward the gift of these beautiful children well. Please pray for us as we remember you. Our children are not yours, nor are they for you, but we will raise them for God’s glory, as I’m sure you wish you could with those you’ve lost.

Be faithful,

Alan

One-Time Encouragement Gift

This isn’t real life, this digital space. It’s a place where I can talk about real life and encourage men in their real lives, but 99% of the digital sphere isn’t real. It’s loud, obnoxious, incoherent, and, to be honest, wasteful. So wasteful at times that I’d much rather we compost the internet rather than belabor it. If I could, I’d rip it up by its roots and throw it in the bin with banana peels, dead leaves, fingernail clippings, and some cardboard, and let it degrade over time until it became something unrecognizable, then use that to help the soil of something actually helpful and nourishing to us. But it’s not the internet that’s bad, nor everything on it, not really. It’s how we use it and what we put into it. Which is why I’m also afraid of composting the internet. It’s highly radioactive at this point. And composting highly radioactive material doesn’t help anything. It poisons everything. For a long time. For example, some areas of Chernobyl are livable, even if not exactly “clean.” That doesn’t mean you want to actually live there, much less compost. Composting radioactively contaminated material doesn’t neutralize it; it redistributes the contamination more evenly. Apply that to composting the internet, and it makes my point clearer.

As of late, I’ve realized a couple of things:

1. I’m adding to the noise with literally everything I post

   • This doesn’t mean the content is bad; it means that the content is just more content in a constantly expanding universe of content; it also doesn’t mean it’s not having an impact, because it is, by the grace of God

2. BSA succeeding at volume of effectiveness means failing at being a husband and father

To answer the first realization, it’s simple: who cares? If God directs me to write and post, I write and post. He can handle the noise issue.

The second realization, however, requires swallowing a very large pill.

I grew up around ministry men. I’ve seen and continue to see men who put ministry first, sacrificing their marriages and children for “God’s glory.” Yet these men believe that if it weren’t for their sacrificing their homes, they’d be disobedient and out of God’s will. So, they press on, marriages and families be damned. After all, a crying wife whose marriage is far more on the rocks than the average marriage today should understand. Ministry men say, “It’s for the greater good! She doesn’t understand!” Or worse, “She’s acting as a tool of the devil. She’s a distraction.” The underlying implication is that if this man’s wife is not with him, she’s Jezebel or possessed by the devil himself.

That is disordered ministry, especially considering the qualifications for men in ministry laid out in the Timothy’s and condensed in Titus. If a man’s marriage is in shambles because his ministry is his god, it is not the wife or kids at fault.

Additionally, ministry kids(preacher’s kids(PKs), missionary kids(MKs)) have a reputation, to say the least. For what it’s worth, when my life went sideways, and crap ultimately hit the fan, I was not in my father’s home, in his church, or under his authority in any way. Thus, exempt from the stereotypical “ministry kid” parameters, though many tried to lump my sisters and me in for many years. That’s not a point of pride, but of caveat. That said, we knew many of the kids for whom the stereotype was not merely a stereotype. And, as I grow up, I can see why those kids were the way they were. Their parents, primarily their fathers, sacrificed them on the altar of ministry. And while I abhor the term “father hurt” generally, and can’t stand the term “church hurt” even more, I get why these kids were and still are the way they are. And it’s because I can see that I’m not willing to sacrifice my daughter and son at the altar of ministry.

I’m not willing to offer up my wife either.

It’s not because any of them have asked, have argued, have screamed with stomping feet and bulging veins in their foreheads. I just know the cost of disordered ministry, and I’m not willing to pay it.

God instituted the family before He instituted the Church, church ministry, and para-Church ministry. It’s not that I am unwilling to leave my wife and family for the sake of Christ. As painful as that thought is, you don’t know me if you think I won’t. It’s that I don’t believe God calls men to actually do so, just as I don’t believe God expected Abraham to actually sacrifice Isaac. Frankly, men today are far more eager to pull a Jephthah than they are to have faith like Abraham, and it’s because they haven’t read the Bible like they’d like you to think they have(Pro-tip: preaching Samson, however flawed, as an oppressor of the Philistines, even unintentionally, tells you how disordered that pastor’s ministry is).

All in all, I see mistakes I desire to avoid. I see trendy “hustling” among ministry men online who post constantly to maintain status and relevancy, never once considering what’s of first importance. And I don’t want to fall down that hole. Not just for my family’s sake, but for you men as well. How can I lead a ministry that’s purpose is to embrace, encourage, and equip men for God’s glory and the flourishing of women and children if my first priority is the ministry, not the women and children God called me to first?

If my time with God suffers because of ministry, it is disordered ministry.

If my marriage suffers and my wife feels unloved because of ministry, it is disordered ministry.

If I exasperate/provoke my children to anger because of ministry, it is disordered ministry.

It is not my wife’s nor my children’s responsibility to understand the toll of ministry. It is my responsibility to make sure ministry does not take a toll on my marriage and family. My wife and children are my first ministry. Everything else comes second.

That reality is only possible if I am in ordered ministry.

I’m concerned sometimes about me falling off the radar with BSA, not being able to “keep up.” But who am I keeping up with? What is my schedule? The schedule is the Lord’s. I’ve tried and failed to make a posting schedule, but it’s always to keep up with the other rats. I’m concerned about the monetary support y’all have provided, but I have a full-time job, so my family is okay. I’m concerned I’m in disobedience for not posting, but I’ve tried forcing articles and posts and realized I can’t write anything God doesn’t want me to say.

So, yeah, I’ve got books outlined, resources pretty well built, and plans for articles and posts for years. But my job is to be faithful, in a biblically ordered way. And while God can still use me if I’m disordered(ask me how I know), I know He can use me in a far greater way if my life is ordered His way. Will the audience leave? I don’t know. The audience grew astronomically when I barely posted for a year. What’s the logic there?

The point is…

Men must lead. But godly male leadership is biblically ordered leadership. So I will strive to be faithful to that. If you’d like to subscribe(free or paid) and/or maybe encourage me and BSA in that endeavor, please do. Those links are below.

Either way, be faithful.

Above all, be faithful.

Alan

One-Time Encouragement Gift

You are commanded to fight.

Men have said to me repeatedly, “The battle belongs to the Lord, Alan! It belongs to the Lord! Our job is to remain faithful!”

Yeah, okay, sure, I agree.

But…

You do realize remaining faithful is fighting in that very same battle, right? You do know that the battle belongs to the Lord, but we’re commanded to wield the sword, do you not?

So many men these days refuse to evangelize, confront, rebuke, discipline, debate, and otherwise because “the battle belongs to the Lord.” They misrepresent those statements from Scripture(for example, 2 Chronicles 20.15 and 1 Samuel 17.47) to excuse inaction. But what they’re really doing is disobeying. Contextually, God is saying to fight, knowing He already won.

We are still required to fight. We are commanded to fight, first, on our knees. Then, as the Lord leads, possibly with our hands, mouth, mind, pen, silence, etc, we fight. There is always an action God expects us to take in any battle. Sometimes, yes, it seems like inaction. But not always. And because so many men are cowardly these days - in the pulpit AND the pew - their default is actual inaction without prayer. And then sometimes there is actualinaction after prayer, even though God’s leading is clearly telling them to fight.

Men, you are commanded to fight. Resting on your laurels in some pious, aloof spiritual seat of pacifism is not biblical; it’s sinful.

Fight for your time with God. Fight for your marriage. Fight for and even with your wife sometimes. Fight for and even with your children sometimes. Fight the school district. Fight the commies. Fight the lies, the evil, the disgusting, the abominations…

And fight yourself first and foremost. No other battle is harder than the one you fight with yourself. Fight the urge to make excuses, to justify sin, to look again, to say “just one more.” Every one of those battles might belong to the Lord, but you still have a command to fight.

The battle belongs to the Lord, but you still have to fight in it unless you choose to dodge the draft spiritually. In that case, good luck explaining that to high command when you’re summoned to the throne. Because high command sees that as treason, and there might be hell to pay.

Be faithful,

Alan

It’s a sign of the times and how far we’ve taken things that we are trying to find our way back to the simple. Not less robust or dumber, but less complicated. We’re striving for a more analog lifestyle. A quieter mental state. An uncluttered workspace. Less creature comforts. And we’re heeding the call to do harder things. And this isn’t a trend. Well, not completely. Outside of the inevitable hipster need to be “different” and “unique,” the average Joe is seeking out a handmade, homemade, focused, intentional, present - even traditional - way of life. And no, I’m not talking about the “trad” trend. I’m not talking about people cosplaying “Little House on the Prairie” for clicks and clout. I’m talking about those people who are being pulled into being unintentionally authentic in the most sincere way. And it’s permeating every facet of life, except one.

Faith.

Many Christians think they want a more intellectual faith, never mind how cluttered it gets. They see their overflowing, unread bookshelves of classic and modern Christian thinkers as a statement of piety more than the chaos of the mind they actually represent. They collect books as they scroll through TikTok, claiming never to have enough time to read all of them, all the while doomscrolling through various Christian Booktuber and -tokker accounts, lusting - salivating - over every recommendation. Yeah, I know, I’m describing a bunch of Christian white girls with that illustration, so let’s talk directly to the men who are reading this.

You men collect and discuss Chesterton and Lewis like y’all are homies, discussing the breadth and depth of their theology, philosophy, and insights, while you haven’t touched your Bible on a weekday since last Lent. Speaking of, it’s you same dudes who think Lent is a good thing, not a pointless endeavor unless it produces actual, lasting change. And you think it’s a good thing because your pastor said so, cuz him and his priest buddy have coffee once a week and realized that Catholics and Protestants have more in common than naysayers like me would have you believe. It’s because of those darn “non-essentials,” isn’t it? I knew it! Nah, broseph. You just don’t read your Bible.

And that’s the root of the problem.

Men don’t read their Bibles.

Y’all would rather read everything ever written about the Bible, by those who “love” the Bible, or allegories for the Bible, than the actual Bible itself. And it’s because you’ve been led to believe it’s hard to read, hard to “get,” and hard to “get into.” You were told “it’s got some solid wisdom, a ton of boring genealogies, and even more wildly outdated opinions written by people who were mostly inspired by God but sprinkled in their own ideas about women, children, and what should or shouldn’t go on inside the bedroom. And if that’s not bad enough, man, wait until you find out who Satan actually was!”

Yeah, I’ve heard those retards claim to smell the color nine, too. And you know what they all have in common? They read their Bibles the least. What they don’t realize is that they’ve not only cluttered up their own faith, but they’ve managed to clutter up yours and a whole bunch of others’. It’s a travesty. And yet, we can remedy it.

“How can a young man keep his way pure? By keeping it according to Your word. With all my heart I have sought You; Do not let me wander from Your commandments. Your word I have treasured in my heart, That I may not sin against You. Blessed are You, O Lord; Teach me Your statutes. With my lips I have told of All the ordinances of Your mouth. I have rejoiced in the way of Your testimonies, As much as in all riches. I will meditate on Your precepts And regard Your ways. I shall delight in Your statutes; I shall not forget Your word.”

‭‭Psalms‬ ‭119‬:‭9‬-‭16‬ ‭NASB1995‬‬

King David is very well-known at this point, and Psalm 119 isn’t really ever out of the Christian discourse, but we forget what kind of faith David had. Sure, we know he had the faith to kill a giant, the faith to lead Israel, and the faith to trust he’d see his bastard son someday. And anyone who’s read the Psalms or about his life in Samuel and Kings knows not to call his faith anything but honest, robust, humble, confident, passionate, and intellectual. He’s a warrior and a poet, a philosopher and a man of the people, a king and a servant, an intellectual and a simple believer. But the modern Christian today somehow calls all of those things contradictions rather than unifiers that reside in every heart of a godly man. A godly man has all of those things in spades and has the God-given wisdom to know when to lean more into some than others. And that’s what David did, even with all of his flaws. We can see where David went wrong when he cluttered up his life. What might have happened if he had cluttered his faith? A different kind of adultery.

And that’s what a cluttered faith is: adultery. It’s an open relationship with God’s Word. Because you don’t hold the Bible as complete, inspired, and inerrant, you seek to fill the void with other voices and words. The only remedy to this is repentance, correction, and restoration to an ordered, decluttered faith.

“You have ordained Your precepts, That we should keep them diligently.”

‭‭Psalms‬ ‭119‬:‭4‬ ‭NASB1995‬‬

If God’s Word was enough for David, the man after God’s own heart(Acts 13.22), is it not enough for you? If “All Scripture is inspired by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, for training in righteousness; so that the man of God may be adequate, equipped for every good work”(2 Timothy‬ ‭3‬:‭16‬-‭17‬ ‭NASB1995‬‬), are you the exception? If Jesus used scripture to combat the temptation of Satan in the desert, is it not just as powerful for you in times of oppression?

What about the Bible is so insufficient that you need everyone else to add to its truth? Or is it your sinful heart that says, “I know better. There’s more I need.” If you continue down that road, you’re going to start thinking you have to work to keep your salvation, too. The same God that said, “…My grace is sufficient for you…”(2 Corinthians‬ ‭12‬:‭9‬ ‭NASB1995‬‬) is the same God who breathed the words of scripture. And that God is not insufficient, perfectly or otherwise. He is sufficient, which means what He says is sufficient. In fact, it’s all we need for our faith.

Declutter your faith, my friend. You don’t have to know everything to know the God of everything, who gave you everything, and who wants to give you more. All you have to do is strip away the noise, get rid of the clutter, repent of your unfaithfulness. Let Him who is more than enough be more than enough. You don’t need anyone else. You need Him. And He wrote you a beautiful love letter waiting to be read and cherished. It’s full of adventure, romance, treasure, war, peace, philosophy, monsters, demons, heroes, and a Savior who offers grace upon grace upon grace upon grace.

What more could you ask for? What more do you need? You’ve not known faith, my friend. Not yet. But you can.

Pro-tips:

1. If you can only read one thing a day, make sure it’s the Bible. And read it before anything else.

2. If you have time to read anything else, only read what makes you want to read the Bible more. For example, Spurgeon’s “The Golden Alphabet” will make you want to read Psalm 119 over and over and over again. His passion for that psalm is palpable and contagious.

3. And if you have time to read or consume other content, only consume edifying content. “Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.”(Philippians‬ ‭4‬:‭8‬ ‭NASB1995‬‬)

4. Repeat tips 1-3

These tips will nearly ensure your faith declutters, and at speed, especially if you go all in.

Is there still room for studying commentaries, thinkers, and such? Of course. But not to make your faith more robust. The foundation for those writings about the Bible is the Bible itself. So it’s only worthwhile to study that material if it makes you want to study the source material, which is the second pro-tip above. If their material makes you want to read more of their writing and watch more of their content, that defeats the purpose of making your faith more robust. It makes you want to consume their words and not God’s, which brings you back to an open relationship. So be conservative with what you read outside of the Bible, and that includes what I write. If you find yourself wanting to read what I write about the Bible and godly living more than the Bible itself, don’t read what I write. I hope my writing makes you want to read God’s Word more. Especially since much of it tells you to read more of God’s Word, so tread carefully with what you consume. Err on the side of only consuming what God wrote for you. Everything else can wait or be completely ignored. Don’t clutter up your life or your faith. A simple, decluttered life of faith doesn’t mean dumb or not robust. It means you’ve prioritized God. And that’s the point.

Be faithful,

Alan

I recently revisited one of my favorite movies: A Quiet Place(2018). Directed by John Krasinski, A Quiet Place tells the story of the Abbott family and their life in a world overrun by alien monsters that hunt anything that makes noise. And upon first viewing, that’s exactly what it is. But once your heart rate settles and the jump scares become a thing of the past, you start to realize something. And then you have to rewatch it to see if you’re right. You see, A Quiet Place isn’t just about living in a quiet place for the sake of survival. It’s far more layered than that. It’s about the quiet place of fatherhood, masculinity, motherhood, femininity, parenting, family, wisdom, discernment, grief, relief, and so much more. The depth of A Quiet Place is so jarring once you realize it, it’s hard to believe the movie itself is only 90 minutes long.

One of the deepest places it goes is into the male psyche, especially the part related to fatherhood. Especially the male psyche, as it relates to fatherhood, and a man’s need to retreat to a quiet place within his own home. And it communicates it so well, yet so subtly, I can understand how everyone misses it. I didn’t see it until the latest rewatch, and I was struck by how providential the timing was because I’d been working on a related topic to share with you all. And I wouldn’t have thought about this had I not realized how loud my life had become.

A few weeks ago, I crawled out of near severe burnout. Two breakdowns on two consecutive Saturdays will make you face the reality of a few things. And then the realization, at the same time, you’re under some pretty substantial spiritual oppression, further compounds the necessity for immediate change.

Last year was tough, to say the least. My son’s ordeal was the worst of it, by far, but it was also the tip of the iceberg. There had been a few things that happened in addition to that (some good, some bad, some bittersweet, and others stretching even further back into 2024) that all piled on. And it’s one of those things you don’t realize until there’s no other explanation but pretty severe burnout and substantial spiritual oppression. Coming out from under one of those things would’ve been tough enough. But all of it, everything leading up to it, and everything in addition to…

I don’t care who you are or how strong your faith is. You will crash, and crash hard. And I did.

By God’s grace, faithful hand of healing, and deliverance, I’m two weeks out of healing from the burnout, and about four weeks out of deliverance from the oppression. God laid out a remedy for the burnout, I followed it, and then I systematized it to share with y’all soon-ish. As for the oppression, a lot of prayer, discipline, and the presence of other godly men solved that problem. It’s amazing what happens when the demonic can’t hide anymore, and men of God rise up and pray that the Lord beats it with a stick.

The through-line that God showed me in all of this wasn’t as obvious until I revisited A Quiet Place and had a name for it. And to come out from under both burnout and spiritual oppression, it’s absolutely imperative. Men, especially, cannot survive the alien monsters in either context without it. And that through-line is this:

Every godly man needs a quiet place.

If you are suffering as a man, you need a quiet place. And I mean really quiet. Near dead silent, if possible. That’s an essential truth for the Christian man, even more so, and the Christian man who desires to be godly doesn’t even have a choice.

Plain and simple, if you are a man, you need a quiet place.

The question now is obvious: why do men especially need a quiet place?

The answer ought to be even more obvious, but let me break it down for you.

A man needs a quiet place because the world, ruled by the prince of the power of the air, tells them they don’t.

The world and its ruler lie to men and tell them:

• They need to be connected.

• They need to be sexed.

• They need to listen to podcasts.

• They need to have a home church AND a favorite online pastor/theologian/apologist.

• They need to listen to their wives and kids more.

• They need to listen to their boss more.

• They need to listen to the news more, especially new media news.

• They need to listen to all the music.

• They need to be aware of everything, everywhere, all at once.

In other words, they need to live in a loud world, not thrive in a quiet place. And the crux of the lie is this: men need to live in a loud world so they don’t hear a still, small voice—one in particular.

God’s.

And once you see that, you can’t unsee it. Once you realize the very device in your hand is literally pinging over the sound of that voice, you know what you need to do.

Don’t throw the device away, of course. The device isn’t the problem. The noise you allow to control you through it is the problem. But it doesn’t have to be that device. It can be anything you use to escape into the noise instead of the quiet place God is beckoning you to. He’s whispering, saying, “Son, listen to the sound of my voice. Turn off the noise. You are weary and don’t even realize it. I can give you rest.” And I know most, if not all, of you men, deep inside, can hear the faint echo of the same whisper. Right before you go to sleep, right before it all goes to dreams, when everything is finally quiet, you hear it faintly.

I had to lean into that voice. It’s time you did too. And it starts with your own quiet place.

It can be a room to yourself, a basement like John Krasinski’s character had in A Quiet Place, a kitchen at 5 am while everyone else is asleep, or a corner in your living room. It can even be the crap closet at work or your car on your lunch break.

But every man needs this place—a place to study, write, fight, and rest.

Call it a…

• Sanctuary

• Ready Room

• Fortress of Solitude

• Library

• Retreat

• Altar

• Haven

• Man Cave

• Training Facility

• Sensory Deprivation Tank

• Study

It doesn’t matter what it’s called. You just need one.

Men need a place separate from all of the noise of the world to spend time alone with their Father.

• To study what their Father says.

• To write down what the Father has laid on their heart.

• To fight through the puddles of tears because of the responsibility God placed on their shoulders.

• And to rest in their Father’s presence, fully relying on Him for whatever happens next.

Every man needs a place to get away so he can be better prepared, come what may.

Men, find your quiet place. Or make one. Either way, you need it. And your phone, video game console, or whatever won’t suffice. You don’t need an escape. You need quiet time alone with God.

Even Jesus retreated to a quiet place from time to time. And if He set the example, we don’t need a movie like A Quiet Place to show us the way. We need to follow our Savior. And we best do that in doing what He did, even unto death. Which, consequently, is somewhat of a spoiler for the movie A Quiet Place.

Be faithful,

Alan

I.

I run into the tenets, symptoms, and broken worldview of PostModernism all too often. At its core, it’s totally at odds with Christianity. And while, at a cursory glance, we can say that some of its ideas are interesting, none of them are helpful. To make such broad, sweeping claims requires a reasonable explanation as to why that is, so here we are.

Men, especially in the Church, are unaware of so much spiritual poison in their thinking. And it’s brought on slyly, with all the fingerprints of the enemy. If you don’t believe me, consider what one scholar called Christopher Nolan’s The Dark Knight: “…Batman made postmodern.” And once you know what all of those words mean together, you can’t unsee it as you rewatch Nolan’s entire trilogy. The most egregious purveyor of postmodern doctrine is the Superhero Movie genre. It used to be that straight sci-fi heavyhandedly spoke atheism into the void of space from the ground floors of multiple planets and starships. Today, though, spandex, Kevlar, and quippy actors beat you over the head with it. It’s different from them, though. It’s a postmodern heavyhandedness, one where subverting your expectations is the rule of the day. “Oh, you thought heroes were supposed to stand for something unequivocally? Psssh. Not Captain America, not anymore. Now, his uprightness is a joke, a relic of the past, something that must change with time. We’ll let him merely dislike bullies, not stand for Truth or Justice, and definitely not ‘the American Way.’” While it seems more broadly wholesome, it’s intentional. Changing such good and stalwart ideas of a man’s character, even that of a fictional character, is intended to communicate that good ideas are fluid, malleable, and relative to the situation. What’s good in America may not be good in, say, Sokovia or Latveria(the latter of which will probably make more sense come the end of 2026). That’s because Postmodernism seeks to abandon the notion of an objective universe. Consequently, its primary goal is to indoctrinate others into abandoning the idea of an objective faith, specifically the Christian faith. The reason for this is that Christianity is the most objective faith of all, the truest, and the most beneficial for everything, everywhere, all at once. Why? Because the foundation for it is God Incarnate, Jesus Christ. And Satan hates Him, which is why he started Postmodernism in pre-modern times.

II.

Officially, Postmodernism was founded by Satan in the Garden of Eden(Genesis 3:1-7). When someone says, “Did God really say…?” you know you’re speaking to someone with a postmodern view of reality, which is to say no view of reality because it’s been poisoned by the same evil that tempted Eve. If we’re being technical, though, Postmodernism emerged in the 1960’s and 70’s among intellectuals in the liberal arts as a response to objective values. You’ll see some scholars argue that Postmodernism is a rejection of Modernism, and it is, etymologically speaking, but not actually. You see, the formation of Postmodernism coincided with and influenced the Free-Love and Hippie Movements, increased involvement with New Age Spirituality, and directly informed the later redundantly named “New Atheism.”

How many adherents there are to Postmodernism isn’t quantifiable, though, because it’s not a structured belief system, by definition. You can call someone a “Postmodernist,” but that doesn’t really mean anything to them. Nothing has any objective value, even words. As one of the most famous postmodernists of all time, Bill Clinton, famously said, “It depends on what the meaning of the word ‘is’ is. If the-if he-if ‘is’ means is and never has been, that is not-that is one thing.” You can’t argue with a dog chasing a tail that doesn’t exist.

The number of postmodernists is growing, however, as will become clear as you read further, even in Christian circles. That’s because there are two camps in the Postmodern belief system: the Spiritual and the Anti-Spiritual. Let’s examine some of their attributes as they relate to Christianity.

Spiritual Postmodernism

• View of Scripture. Scripture is Inspirational and Descriptive, but rarely Prescriptive and certainly not authored by God through the hands of men. It is archetypal and symbolic, a product of its time. It has no universal application or meaning. It’s wisdom for wisdom’s sake, and unreliable at that. A good thing to assume is true, but not necessarily take seriously.

• View of God. God is whoever someone needs Him to be, but most commonly everywhere and everything, or nowhere and nothing.

• View of Jesus. One of the most moral men to have ever walked the earth, but not God or His Son.

• View of Salvation. Free to everyone. Everyone gets a happy ending. Or no ending. Whatever is the nicest possible outcome for everyone.

• View of the Afterlife. Everyone goes to a paradise of their choosing, which could include hell, because that is appealing to some, and not actually a lake of fire and eternal torment. But it could be if you’re into that sort of thing.

• View of the Church. Church is lovely, but not for everyone, and everyone should be free to worship however, wherever, and with whomever they like.

• View of Baptism/Communion. Beautiful, but a mere ritual, which is what makes it attractive, and it may have supernatural powers, but only if you believe it does.

• View of Truth. Completely and inarguably relative or subjective, depending on who you ask and how they feel.

• View of Morality. Not necessary to live a good life; morality and immorality are non-existent; you follow your heart and love who you love because hate isn’t real, unless you disagree, and then hate is real until you agree.

• View of Sexuality. Nudity and sexual expression are entirely subjective and should not have boundaries; gender is fluid depending on whom you love in the moment of sexual fulfillment; rape is rape if it’s non-consensual sex, or if you later realize you meant no, not yes.

Anti-Spiritual Postmodernism

• View of Scripture. Hogwash and Oppressive.

• View of God. God is either dead(Nietzschean philosophy), non-existent(Atheism/New Atheism), or the “opium of the people”(Marxism), and definitely immoral either way.

• View of Jesus. Maybe historical, depending on which scholar you agree with, but certainly not God, God’s son, or moral in the slightest—basically Buddha with a better body.

• View of Salvation. Immoral. Jesus’ death was cosmic child abuse at best.

• View of the Afterlife. Nothing. Nothing happens after death, just like nothing happened before life. And what is nothing anyway? Are we even here? This is probably a simulation.

• View of the Church. One of the most immoral, violent, and institutionally oppressive corporate systems ever devised by man; completely corrupt. Goes for the Roman Catholic Church and all Protestant churches.

• View of Baptism/Communion. Abhorrent in their entirety; communion is, if true at all, cannibalism; baptism, if necessary, is another control device created by the Church.

• View of Truth. Only exists so long as science agrees with it, and is relative to the culture in which it is discussed and determined.

• View of Morality. Morality is okay, but only the idea of morality that emerged within the framework of evolution; any morality derived from ideology is inherently evil and oppressive.

• View of Sexuality. Nudity and sexual expression are entirely subjective and should not have boundaries; gender is fluid depending on whom you love in the moment of sexual fulfillment; rape is rape if it’s non-consensual sex, or if you later realize you meant no and not yes; there are no limits on who someone can love or have sex with.

III.

That’s quite a lot to wrap one’s head around, but helpful to see for what it is. It’s difficult to think someone could hold to any one of those things, but I’d imagine there’s a lot of this junk in other forms found in seemingly innocent questions at Wednesday Night Bible study. I know I’ve personally witnessed it. But since we’re here, let’s add some more beliefs and practices worth mentioning or repeating.

Postmodernists believe that words and meaning are in flux. Nothing has meaning always, only in the moment, if that. They disregard purpose outside of oneself. It’s either non-existent, relative, or subjective, and “selfishness” isn’t a word. “Self-care” is, though, so watch out for that one. Hope is only a buzzword and entirely abstract, and definitely not something one can hold onto. And sin isn’t real, much less shame. According to Postmodernism, however, you should be ashamed of yourself for thinking that sin or shame do or ought to exist. And believing anything contrary to Postmodernism itself is a cardinal sin.

Hardcore Anti-Spiritual Postmodernists have one thing in common. While, after a bit of arguing, you can help them see at least the subjective value of cultural Christianity, they all agree that Islam is the closest thing to pure evil. They generally loathe it. The Spiritual Postmodernists believe the lie, however, that Islam is a religion of peace. That is, until devout Muslims stone or rape them. And then they may only meet you halfway. Generally, though, there is a further divide between Anti-Spiritual and Spiritual Postmodernists in the form of facts. Spiritual Postmodernists would rather lean on feelings in the moment, but Anti-Spiritual Postmodernists heavily lean on facts…that support their views. And while most Spiritual Postmodernists avoid conflict to a fault, their Anti-Spiritual counterparts seek it out militantly, even within their own Postmodern family. But both camps are extremely liberal politically. And while the Anti-Spiritualists seemingly have some “conservative” views sometimes, it’s a self-defeating façade, which is why you can have a gay man adopt a child with his partner and still be considered a good representative of “conservative Christian values.”

IV.

The most important thing we need to remember about anyone with an opposing worldview to a biblical one is this: they need Jesus. And while it’s not the easiest thing to do, sharing Jesus with them is not impossible.

Firstly, don’t try to put them in a box. They will reject anything they feel traps them into a specific category. Since nothing is objectively true to them except that there is nothing objectively true(an objective truth claim, by the way), you cannot reason with them. Put yourself firmly in your box instead. If you get the chance, lovingly, gently, kindly, and with all respect, tell them what God and His Word say. Don’t tell them what your favorite Christian author says. Tell them what God says. And when they make snide or offensive remarks about your beliefs, don’t bite. God doesn’t need a bodyguard. Be ready with a defense for why you believe what you believe, not for an attack on God’s character(1 Peter 3:13-22). If anything, they are on a terrible footing, attacking behavior they find subjective or relative anyway. Even worse, they are attacking a God they probably claim not to believe in. While I don’t suggest pointing out the absurdity of the position directly, I would study Gregory Koukl’s Tactics to lead them into a sane exchange.

Beyond the overt sharing and discussion of the Gospel, live your life as Jesus commanded. And do it to the best of your ability. Integrity is an excellent defense for your belief in Jesus. And you can be honest about your weaknesses and failures to help with that, but don’t share details. “Share your scars, not your wounds,” as it were.

Both camps of Postmodernism hold authenticity in high regard. The more you are yourself, the more “real” you are, the more they respect you and what you have to say. They can see through a “holier-than-thou” Christian immediately. That’s not a license to drop f-bombs. It’s an open door to build trust. F-bombs, contrary to what some think, don’t build trust.

At the end of the day, though, always - not constantly - bring the conversation back to Jesus. Even if you have to take the proverbial wheel and jerk it back onto the road, bring it back to Jesus. If you really believe John 14:6, you’ll be faithful to stand on it, even in the face of someone who was deceived into thinking there’s nothing to stand on.

V.

There you have it, men. Postmodernism. I don’t need to tell you that at least a hint of it is in your home, even in your thinking. Seek God and His Word to correct the fundamental facts of the universe. And once He’s done that, let Him use you to help others in your charge do the same.

Ought men have the same temperament in disciplining children as the mother?

Many women get upset when the father has a male temperament in his discipline. Not an unreasonable temperament, mind you. A male one. Which is to say, not a female one.

When the father is not around, a mother can only discipline with a female temperament. But when the father is around and notices his wife disciplining the kid(s), he would never say, “You’re being a jerk.” At least a healthy father who understands created sex distinctions. He would look at her and say, “You’re being a good mom.”

But many Christian mothers these days seem to think it’s okay to “check the dad” by calling him a “jerk” when he is acting within his God-ordained and divinely created bounds. They think this is being a helpmeet. That’s interesting to me because the mother, in essence, wants the father to act more like her; that is to say, female. They also seem to think calling their husband a “jerk” is okay, which it definitely isn’t, unless, as one pastor told me, “Any wife who calls her husband a jerk regardless of the situation is defying God. That is a major sin and defiance of God’s authority and the authority He has placed in place. There’s one exception. When divorce has happened and the dad is in defiance against God and the mother of his children. He is a jerk.” A “jerk,” in that context, is putting it lightly. But taking that position is considered problematic patriarchal behavior, not biblical.

And then there’s a father’s retribution for disrespecting the mother and/or the home, which is a further issue outside of a child’s disobedience. And then the mother “wants” the dad to discipline, but then doesn’t understand how severe that discipline must be. Again, it goes back to the Husband/Father as a picture of Christ in the home. Disrespecting your Bride and her children is no bueno. Similarly, disrespecting the Church is way out of line and ought to be addressed as such. Would we call Jesus a jerk and tell Him to hold back on such a grievance? We already do when we conveniently leave out that He didn’t just toss temple tables, but also fashioned whips to drive out the moneychangers. His wrath wasn’t reserved for inanimate objects. Elsewhere, we need look no further than what happened to nations and people who have come against Israel or the Church in ages past, both in the biblical narrative and in extrabiblical historical context. God does not abide those who harm His bride and children. Neither should a father.

Short of sin, a healthy, godly father is within bounds to enact discipline and punishment as he was created to do. Simply put, a father is biblically commanded and allowed to display his wrath. That wrath might seem abrupt and violent, whether in word or deed, to onlookers, but it is a picture of love nonetheless. But that behavior is not okay in today’s society, however. And, frankly, would have CPS called on many a godly man if carried out to its biblical degree.

Even mothers who know and study the Word think fathers ought to discipline in a maternal way more than a paternal one. They’d rather the father be more sensitive to the child’s feelings than to the sinful behavior being addressed. That is antithetical to the father being a picture of Christ in the home. If the father is acting within the godly, biblical framework, the mother ought to keep her mouth shut. Her qualm is with God, not her husband.

Think about this way: if a mother is uncomfortable with the father’s discipline of their children, how much more uncomfortable will she be when the child’s behavior is left improperly checked, and it ends with that child in a car wrapped around a tree? Or on trial for first degree murder?

But if a mother steps between a child and a godly father’s wrath, she is out of line, no matter how much of that “mama bear” she wants to let out. Again, the issue she has is with God, not with the father, if the father is acting in line with God-given and biblical guardrails. If she refuses to acknowledge that, she is in sin and needs direct rebuke and discipline from her husband.

Saying all of this will ruffle the feathers of even the most biblically versed mothers. And fathers. Let me take it a little further then, so you’re having an informed ruffle.

The wrath of God is one of His most mentioned attributes. One of the things Jesus talks about the most is wrath and judgment, mainly regarding hell. In God the Father’s case, His wrath is recorded more often on those He loves than otherwise. That’s almost the entirety of the Old Testament narrative. Israel sins, God disciplines, et cetera. But nowhere - and I mean nowhere - is God’s wrath separate from His love. God is love, just, gracious, merciful, holy, righteous, patient, wrathful, jealous, meek, and so on and so forth all at once. And therein lies the actual burden of a godly father’s wrath.

When we see the wrath of a godly father, we must necessarily see it coupled with grace, mercy, justice, patience, meekness, love, et cetera. If it is not, it is not godly. It is acting in the flesh toward another, making the action sin, no matter the action that led up to it. And if a father directs that sinful wrath toward his wife or child, hold onto your butts. A father’s wrath is meant to be a picture of God’s wrath. Any more or any less than that is a desecration of God-given authority, and God’s wrath itself will make an appearance.

What should a godly father’s wrath look like then? It depends. Scorched earth and a crushing flood weren’t set upon those who followed God. But a good old-fashioned spanking from a nearby people group is what the book of Judges is about. Additionally, Proverbs‬ ‭13‬:‭24‬(NASB1995) says,‬‬ “He who withholds his rod hates his son, But he who loves him disciplines him diligently.” All in all, a father should dole out his wrath in alignment with scripture. And scripture has no prohibition against striking a child. It does have a prohibition against abuse, and a severe word for it, too. A strong, direct tone is enough sometimes, and other times letting that blasphemous pre-teen pick out his own switch is good too.

I’ll leave you with scripture, God’s final word on the matter:

“Discipline your son while there is hope, And do not desire his death.”

‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭19‬:‭18‬ ‭NASB1995‬‬

“Do not hold back discipline from the child, Although you strike him with the rod, he will not die.”

‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭23‬:‭13‬ ‭NASB1995‬‬

“Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”

‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭6‬:‭4‬ ‭NASB1995‬‬

“Fathers, do not exasperate your children, so that they will not lose heart.”

‭‭Colossians‬ ‭3‬:‭21‬ ‭NASB1995‬‬

God told Hosea to marry the harlot, Gomer. He then told him to get her and bring her home whenever she returned to harlotry. And she did, a lot. This was God showing his relationship with Israel. Additionally, this is Christ’s relationship with the Church.

“When the Lord first spoke through Hosea, the Lord said to Hosea, “Go, take to yourself a wife of harlotry and have children of harlotry; for the land commits flagrant harlotry, forsaking the Lord.””

‭‭Hosea‬ ‭1‬:‭2‬ ‭NASB1995‬‬

“Then the Lord said to me, “Go again, love a woman who is loved by her husband, yet an adulteress, even as the Lord loves the sons of Israel, though they turn to other gods and love raisin cakes.” So I bought her for myself for fifteen shekels of silver and a homer and a half of barley. Then I said to her, “You shall stay with me for many days. You shall not play the harlot, nor shall you have a man; so I will also be toward you.” For the sons of Israel will remain for many days without king or prince, without sacrifice or sacred pillar and without ephod or household idols. Afterward the sons of Israel will return and seek the Lord their God and David their king; and they will come trembling to the Lord and to His goodness in the last days.”

‭‭Hosea‬ ‭3‬:‭1‬-‭5‬ ‭NASB1995‬‬

“For you have been called for this purpose, since Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example for you to follow in His steps, who committed no sin, nor was any deceit found in His mouth; and while being reviled, He did not revile in return; while suffering, He uttered no threats, but kept entrusting Himself to Him who judges righteously; and He Himself bore our sins in His body on the cross, so that we might die to sin and live to righteousness; for by His wounds you were healed. For you were continually straying like sheep, but now you have returned to the Shepherd and Guardian of your souls.”

‭‭1 Peter‬ ‭2‬:‭21‬-‭25‬ ‭NASB1995‬‬(emphasis mine)

Unfortunately, husbands and fathers today would rather capitulate to their adulterous wives’ demands than follow the example of God and Christ. But God didn’t capitulate to Israel and try to understand why they did what they did. He consistently went and brought them home. In the same way, Jesus never tries to understand why His bride steps out. He seeks to bring her home and all of the individuals therein. This then is a template for how husbands ought to lead their marriage. And this is how fathers ought to lead their families.

If a husband capitulates to his adulterous wife’s demands, or a father capitulates to his rebellious children’s demands, he won’t find the answer to his questions. Only when that kind of man looks in the mirror will he see where the problem lies. That’s not to say the sin of the wife or the children is his sin, far from it. But since God ultimately gave the responsibility of the home to the Husband and Father, it’s safe to say He’s going to hold the husband of a wife stepping out or the father of a rebellious child responsible.

The way you lead, men, is the way your home follows. If you have a wandering eye, your wife and daughter will have no problem dressing to catch the eye of other men. If you rebel against God, your son will live in rebellion against you, his mother, and any other authority figure God places over him. The familial trickle-down effect is real and will last for generations until it stops. Either God will end your bloodline or you, your child, or your children’s children will say “that’s enough,” and finally mean it. Only a weak man would do that to his family.

Additionally, for you weak men who are “godly” in word and deed but Ahab at home, God didn’t tell Hosea to find his wife, sit down with her therapist and her, and then politely ask questions to find out why she did what she did. That’s antithetical to the divine calling of men. God told Hosea to get his wife, bring her home, and then get her again, and again, and again.

“But, Alan, how do I do that with these women in 2025? You don’t know what it’s like to be cheated on. You’ve only cheated on your wife!”

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless.”

‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭5‬:‭25‬-‭27‬ ‭NASB1995‬‬

The principle is true whether the circumstances are the same or not. Love your chosen person, your bride, as Christ loves the Church. Get her and bring her home. Don’t ask. Tell her.

“Then I said to her, “You shall stay with me for many days. You shall not play the harlot, nor shall you have a man; so I will also be toward you.””

‭‭Hosea‬ ‭3‬:‭3‬ ‭NASB1995‬‬

“That’s so patriarchal and authoritarian!”

Yes, it is because you are the divinely ordained patriarch and authority over your wife and home.

“Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.”

‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭5‬:‭22‬-‭24‬ ‭NASB1995‬‬

Get your wife and bring her home.

After all, if you stepped out on her and were willing to come home, wouldn’t you want her to let you? Even if it’s biblically understandable for her to divorce you on the spot, wouldn’t you want the opportunity to receive grace if she were willing to give it? I know I was. And my wife was willing. And we have a little girl and a boy on the way. That is Grace, brother. Tell her to come home, and her letting you come home is the same Grace. Lead accordingly, and your family will follow. If you don’t want them to follow the principles of God’s Word, don’t follow the principles of God’s Word.

Don’t lead.

But men must lead.

Yesterday, as I was about to leave work and head home, I involuntarily looked to the clouds. I caught myself doing it and I know why.

Never in my life, not even 9/11 or the retardation of COVID, made me look up like that.

It's a reaction to the times as they are, not as they could be. We're in all sorts of dystopic novels in real life already. Big Brother is here to stay. Words are not safe. The Bible, à la Fahrenheit 451 and the Book of Eli, is the most dangerous book. We're here, and we've been here all along.

But Jesus is alive, and was long before time began. And my body instinctively, subconsciously, reacted to the world as it is, and looked up to see if He's coming. Because He is coming. This level of demonic activity isn't unheard of. But Christ's return rides on the back of times like these, as it did when He was born and lived. And as it was in the time of Noah. And it will only get worse.

““But of that day and hour no one knows, not even the angels of heaven, nor the Son, but the Father alone. For the coming of the Son of Man will be just like the days of Noah. For as in those days before the flood they were eating and drinking, marrying and giving in marriage, until the day that Noah entered the ark, and they did not understand until the flood came and took them all away; so will the coming of the Son of Man be. Then there will be two men in the field; one will be taken and one will be left. Two women will be grinding at the mill; one will be taken and one will be left.”

Matthew 24:36-41 NASB1995

I don’t know when because no one does. But it will happen. Jesus is returning. And it’s a shift even many prominent atheists can’t ignore. This is a moment, and one we all ought to take seriously. Not one to be afraid of, per se. But one to be prepared for unlike any other. Gone are the days of excuses and procrastination.

Follow God.

Obey His Word.

Love your wife.

Lead your family.

Pray for the gospel to permeate every heart.

Those we love need to know our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

The hour is nigh.

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“The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside quiet waters. He restores my soul; He guides me in the paths of righteousness For His name’s sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil, for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; You have anointed my head with oil; My cup overflows. Surely goodness and lovingkindness will follow me all the days of my life, And I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.”

‭‭Psalms‬ ‭23‬:‭1‬-‭6‬ ‭NASB1995‬‬

I know, brother.

I know.

It’s not okay, but it’s going to be OK.

No one talks about it, but those thoughts you and I have sometimes?

They’re horrific.

Debauched.

Depraved.

Wicked.

Wholly sinful.

But it’s going to be okay.

If.

If.

If you get to the pillow.

Get to the pillow, brother. Figuratively and literally.

Lay your head to rest on the foam or feathers of your choice, simultaneously giving yourself over to the comfort and safety of your Savior.

Get to the pillow. Get to Jesus.

I won’t go into detail.

You know what I’m talking about. You know the darkness of the male mind. I don’t need to remind you what our conscious brings to the forefront, into the space behind our eyes.

There’s no need to go there.

You know.

And I know, brother.

I know.

And anyone who says that this darkness isn’t exclusive to the male mind doesn’t know what proving them wrong looks like.

They don’t want the burden of the thoughts.

The images.

The sounds.

The smells.

The…memories, sometimes.

Don’t burden someone with the details of the depravity of the male mind. Not even another brother.

Show your scars, as the adage goes, not your wounds.

No one needs to see the gaping, bloody, gurgling, infected gore that is your psyche.

We know what that looks like already, because we know.

I know, brother.

I know.

And I’m sorry.

But get to the pillow. Get to the Savior.

He will protect and comfort the weariness that comes from carrying the darkness.

He WILL give you rest.

What we wish we could do to ourselves to scrape out the vile, bile, mud, blood, and tears.

What we would chop off or cut through to give us peace and relief.

Oh, brother, I know.

I know what we would do.

But we must get to the pillow. We must get to the Savior.

We must rest in His arms.

He has taken the wounds we wish we could carve.

He’s taken the punishment for the thoughts that whip us.

He’s died the death we wish could kill.

He defeated the debauchery of our weary, dirt-ridden minds.

He WILL give you rest.

Get to the pillow, brother.

Lay your weary head on His shoulder.

Embrace the peace that is sleep, the comfort found only at the Cross.

Set the burdens of your waking mind at His feet.

Get to the pillow.

And when you wake up, know that men were built to carry what we despise. Not to embrace it, but to know the evil when we see it.

We know the evil that awaits us outside our door.

Inside our computer.

A tap away on our phone.

On Saturday at Target in a college town.

We know it when we see it so that we can flee from it.

And so we can protect others from it.

We know.

Replace the darkness, though, brother. Seek out the light.

And help others seek it out.

What is the light?

The true.

The honorable.

The right.

The pure.

The lovely.

The good.

The excellent.

The praiseworthy.

The Word.

The Lamb.

“Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.”

‭‭Philippians‬ ‭4‬:‭8‬ ‭NASB1995‬‬

Get to the pillow, brother. Crave the Light.

Give it to God.

Share the struggle with another brother. But don’t give the details. Share the struggle.

Say…

“I know.”

Because you do.

I do, too.

I know, brother.

I know.

Get to the pillow.

Get to the Savior.

Get to Jesus.

He WILL give you rest.

“Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest.”

‭‭Matthew‬ ‭11‬:‭28‬ ‭NASB1995‬‬

“God is faithful, through whom you were called into fellowship with His Son, Jesus Christ our Lord. Now I exhort you, brethren, by the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that you all agree and that there be no divisions among you, but that you be made complete in the same mind and in the same judgment.”

‭‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭1‬:‭9‬-‭10‬ ‭NASB1995‬‬

Watches, or “Timepieces” as enthusiasts call them, are a thing of mass appeal and interest. A single piece can tell a lot about a man. His socio-economic status, hobbies, employment, sketchiness, and, sometimes, insecurities are all on display if you know what you’re looking at. And different watch brands have their die-hard devotees and almost cult-like followings. There's something for every man, from the veritable and highly prized Rolexes to the rugged and functional Casio tool watches on just about every Walmart shelf. And many enthusiasts collect a wide range of brands and styles. If you’re a real enthusiast, one who will not call a watch a watch but only the aforementioned “timepiece,” you have a watch for every opportunity life throws at you; be it midnight doorkicking as part of a SEAL team or the highest echelons of international trade. And until recently, if you weren’t buying the Hamilton or the Breitling, each requiring a little bit more or a little bit less sketchiness, you purchased a “budget” version. Something Timex might have, or Bertucci even. Maybe something a little pricier from a microbrand like VAER, Sangin Instruments, or RZE. Either way, you went for a watch from a brand that meant something. And a Chinese knock-off was entirely out of the question.

Let’s say you’re one of those guys. The guy who will fork over a few hundred for the VAER or take out a loan for the Breitling. The brand matters more than anything because of its heritage, reputation, quality, and rock-solid warranty. After all, if Breitling was good enough for Blackwater, it’ll stand up to anything your airsoft crew will come up against this Saturday, am I right? You think that if you ever even thought about a Chinese knock-off, you’d lose your salvation from the Church of Horology.

But what if the Chinese watch was an eighth of the price of, say, a 200-500 dollar watch, had the same warranty, with the same specs, and, unless someone knew what they were looking at, they wouldn’t know it was Chinese? It wouldn’t be a sacrifice of quality but of brand. What if you could get a better watch for less than the cost of one off the rack at Walmart, and only have to sacrifice the brand? And if brand didn’t matter but value, which would you buy?

Analogies fall apart quickly, so let’s dial in, pun intended.

If brand didn’t matter but value, what kind of Christian would you be? Would you still be Catholic, Reformed, Baptist, Presbyterian, or non-denominational?

If it didn’t matter what brand of Christian you were, what kind of Christian would you be?

See, God set very few standards for the kind of followers He expects us to be. And those could all be boiled down to one. If God could wrap up His standards into one term, it would be “faithful.” It wouldn’t be whatever tribe, cult, sect, or denomination you tack on to your particular brand of Christianity. It wouldn’t be “Catholic Christian,” “Reformed Christian,” etc, ad infinitum. It would simply be “faithful,” which is ultimately what God expects from anyone who claims the name of Jesus. It’s probably the Bible's most affirmed trait of God and godly followers.

What does this say about you, then, brother? Are you faithful to God or a particular brand of Christianity? I don’t know much about the Christian believers in China, outside of it currently being the third fastest growing body in the world, eclipsed only by Afghanistan and Iran, the latter eclipsing both before it. Historically and biblically, although not always, the Church generally grows exponentially under persecution, which is indicative of faithfulness. So, as far as it goes for a Christian brand, one couldn’t do better than the Iranian, Afghan, and Chinese churches. But we Western Christians tend not to think about significant persecution until we read about it in publications like Voice of the Martyrs.

I’ve been spit on for being a Christian. And I’ve been pushed around and beaten up for it, too, verbally and physically. I’ve been told not to talk about my beliefs. I was fired for refusing to work when I attended church. But I’ve never had my faithfulness tested to the extent of our brothers and sisters in the Asian and Middle East churches. But I applaud them for their faithfulness. As it is then, when it comes to a brand of Christianity, are you a tribal Christian - one only concerned with denominational and theological loyalties - or are you a biblical Christian, one only concerned with faithfulness to God? You cannot conflate the two, no matter how much you think your loyalty to a particular Church father might indicate. In reality, many of us are knock-off Christians, not the highly favored and prized biblical version. And no matter how cool we think we are associating with 2025’s microbrand-Christian-tribe, we still fail by God’s standard. No, not because we haven’t been faithful until death yet, but because we are unfaithful to God and His Word in our brand loyalty and tribalism to groups that hold their own metrics of excellence. We quote Lewis but don’t know a thing about the Levites. We recommend Chesterton, but can’t name a single one of the Seven Churches of Revelation. And we esteem Keller without ever, not once, kneeling before our King in prayer.

Who are we, men? Are we loyal to an earthly father’s brand, or our Heavenly Father’s hand? I’m not trying to be cute. These are essential questions. When the world is rife with men who tie together the terms “Christian” and “Racist” unapologetically and unironically, who are we? When the world is rife with men presenting a tribal Gospel to Joe Rogan, who are we? Sure, evangelism is good, and God can use even a dumb presentation of the Gospel just as much as He can a correct one. But wouldn’t we want to present a faithful Gospel more than a tribal one? To do so, though, requires a faithfulness in men today, more than a tribalism. Could we forsake our tribe for our Savior? Could we give up brand loyalty for faithfulness? Are we willing to die the death of a Christ follower over living our lives as Reformers?

I think today's Christian men aren’t willing to cough up the cost of faithfulness. They aren’t willing to spend what it takes to wear the epitome of luxury, precision, and quality that comes along with it. Those things might cost your family, your job, and your paycheck. They might even cost your life. The preciousness of such a sacrifice to gain such value in a life is too much to bear. I know a few men who have sacrificed so. And I know of many more. I don’t know if you have what it takes, though. I don’t even know if I do. But I’m willing to find out. Are you?

“I have chosen the faithful way; I have placed Your ordinances before me.”

‭‭Psalms‬ ‭119‬:‭30‬ ‭NASB1995‬‬

Piggybacking off “Shove It In Your Face,” there’s a conversation necessary about sufficiency regarding God, His Work, and His Word. I spoke about it in the piece above, but we must unpack the topic more. The reason is that some men say that God, His Work, and His Word are insufficient. Let’s begin by breaking down what they’re saying when they say that.

When some men say God is insufficient, they are calling Him deficient.

When some men say God’s Work is insufficient, they are calling Him a liar and His Work deficient.

When some men say God’s Word is insufficient, they are calling it deficient.

First things first, God doesn’t need us. His Work doesn’t need our help. And His Word doesn’t need us to speak for it. All of His Being, Work, and Word are reliant upon, rooted in, and encapsulated by Him. He is the embodiment of fullness, so all that He is, does, and says is entirely sufficient, which is to say, fullness. Inversely, we need He who is whole and true because we are incomplete. Who we are, what we do, and ourwords are deficient. We are insufficient. We are not enough. We cannot do enough. And we cannot say enough. That’s the Gospel. How do we know all of that to be true? Because of who He is, the work He’sdone, doing, and will do, and His Word, the Bible.

Now, about the Bible, a book deemed insufficient by “scholars” but declared “…profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, for training in righteousness; so that the man of God may be adequate, equipped for every good work”(2 Timothy‬ ‭3‬:‭16-17‬ ‭NASB1995‬‬) by God Himself. A book declaring God’s fullness and the fullness of His Work through Jesus to make us complete(John‬ ‭1‬:‭16‬ ‭NASB1995‬‬; Colossians‬ ‭2‬:‭9‬-‭10‬ ‭NASB1995). And if the Bible is insufficient, then it is insufficient to communicate God’s sufficient grace(2 Corinthians 12:9 NASB1995), it cannot be trusted(Psalm 119:42 NASB1995), and therefore not God’s Word(Psalms‬ ‭119‬:‭160‬ ‭NASB1995‬‬).

All that pours forth from God is perfect and sufficient. It is good, complete, and full in function and purpose because He is goodness, completion, and fullness. All that He does and says is indicative of who He is. He can be nothing less and nothing more because He is all in all(1 Corinthians‬ ‭15‬:‭28‬ ‭NASB1995‬‬), the first and the last(Revelation‬ ‭22‬:‭13‬ ‭NASB1995‬‬). If that is not so, then we are all doomed because He is not good, His Work is unfinished, and His Word is incomplete(Revelation 22:18-19 NASB1995). We have no hope, and our faith(Hebrews 11:1 NASB1995) is in vain.

“For if the dead are not raised, not even Christ has been raised; and if Christ has not been raised, your faith is worthless; you are still in your sins. Then those also who have fallen asleep in Christ have perished. If we have hoped in Christ in this life only, we are of all men most to be pitied.”

1 Corinthians‬ ‭15‬:‭16‬-‭19‬ ‭NASB1995‬‬

And if any of you still doubt the clarity, finality, and sufficiency of God, His Work, and His Word, well…

“God, after He spoke long ago to the fathers in the prophets in many portions and in many ways, in these last days has spoken to us in His Son, whom He appointed heir of all things, through whom also He made the world. And He is the radiance of His glory and the exact representation of His nature, and upholds all things by the word of His power. When He had made purification of sins, He sat down at the right hand of the Majesty on high, having become as much better than the angels, as He has inherited a more excellent name than they.”

‭‭Hebrews‬ ‭1‬:‭1‬-‭4‬ ‭NASB1995‬‬

Men, err on the side of shoving God’s Word in people’s faces, especially your own.

We’ve replaced God’s Word with man’s words about God’s Word so heavily in our “recommendations” and “academia” that, often, we’d rather ingest man’s words about God’s Word. If we believe that God’s Word is sufficient, as we all ought to do, we should recommend things that bolster and encourage a return to God’s Word as the primary consumption point for truth and hearing from God instead of the other way around. Nothing else even comes close as a supplement. But thinking so, I have a feeling, is a reality we all need to repent of as a group.

To be sure, men, I’m saying this to myself first and foremost.

“All Scripture is inspired by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, for training in righteousness; so that the man of God may be adequate, equipped for every good work.”

‭‭2 Timothy‬ ‭3‬:‭16‬-‭17‬ ‭NASB1995‬‬

God’s Word is sufficient. Since that’s true, we ought to treat it so. It is not the history of everything and was never meant to be. But, to be clear, it does explain everything. It is sufficient. It explains who created everything; everything we need to know about who we are, how we got here, and why we’re here; everything about why the world was the way it was, is the way it is, and is the way it will be, and how it’s all going to get fixed. There is no fundamental stone left unturned that God’s Word does not address sufficiently. And yet, when we are met with the opportunity to understand one of the many fundamental truths of everything, we turn to man’s words about and over God’s Word to figure it out.

In some cases, we turn to C.S. Lewis, a creep until the end who very seldomly used scripture in his writing and often used flawed, human reasoning to come to base conclusions spelled out perfectly understandably by God Himself in His Word. In other cases, we fanboy over Lord of the Rings to teach us about the struggle that is the Christian walk. Never mind your arguments about your and Tolkien’s disdain for allegory. The Lord of the Rings is an allegory, full stop. But there are other use cases. Some of you love John Piper’s words more than God’s, even though “Desiring God” is more sensual than biblical. It’s a weird read, brother. It’s plain icky. And, not too long ago, I read more Ravi Zacharias than the Bible, so I’m not singling any fandom out. But I understand a question my Dad used to ask my sisters and me when we were younger, consumed with pop culture and movies and such. He would ask us to tell him about a Bible character or a Bible story as in-depth as we’d talk about a movie, song, musician, or actor. We got the point immediately, and I never had a good answer back then, nor did I try to correct my waywardness in that area until much later, and it didn't happen overnight. I may still know a lot about pop culture and such, but it’s more because of my ministry and the leadership of my family now than my pseudo-edification. In other words, I am tuned into culture to engage with it, not tuned into culture disengaged from God’s Word. I am wholly engaged in God’s Word, and the more I engage with it, the more I want to talk about Him and it. Additionally, the more I engage with God’s Word, the more I abhor culture and want to retreat from it. But I can’t retreat because the more I engage with God’s Word, the more I want to live out Jesus’ prayer for those who love Him.

“But now I come to You; and these things I speak in the world so that they may have My joy made full in themselves. I have given them Your word; and the world has hated them, because they are not of the world, even as I am not of the world. I do not ask You to take them out of the world, but to keep them from the evil one. They are not of the world, even as I am not of the world. Sanctify them in the truth; Your word is truth. As You sent Me into the world, I also have sent them into the world. For their sakes I sanctify Myself, that they themselves also may be sanctified in truth. I do not ask on behalf of these alone, but for those also who believe in Me through their word; that they may all be one; even as You, Father, are in Me and I in You, that they also may be in Us, so that the world may believe that You sent Me.”

‭‭John‬ ‭17‬:‭13‬-‭21‬ ‭NASB1995‬‬

Again, err on the side of shoving the Bible in people’s faces, especially your own. Jesus wants that. He prayed for that. After all, He is the Word incarnate. And He certainly didn’t shy away from shoving Himself in our faces.

And I am eternally grateful for that.

“The law of the Lord is perfect, restoring the soul; The testimony of the Lord is sure, making wise the simple. The precepts of the Lord are right, rejoicing the heart; The commandment of the Lord is pure, enlightening the eyes. The fear of the Lord is clean, enduring forever; The judgments of the Lord are true; they are righteous altogether. They are more desirable than gold, yes, than much fine gold; Sweeter also than honey and the drippings of the honeycomb. Moreover, by them Your servant is warned; In keeping them there is great reward.”

‭‭Psalms‬ ‭19‬:‭7‬-‭11‬ ‭NASB1995‬‬

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I’m restructuring the Paid Briefs.

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I could find the time to put out a newsletter for ALL my subscribers, but I couldn’t find the time to put out ONE edition of the newsletter just for y’all. I want to, and I need to. Y’all are financially supporting what BSA is doing, and I want t…

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As I grow closer to God, older, and more aware of my mortality and the fleeting nature of time, I only want to spend daily reading time with God’s Word. I begin my day with it and always head back into it throughout my day. I’ve not read a ton of books, but my completed list is more substantial than the average man's. And I have many more books I will read in the future. That said, it is nice to read other works occasionally. Either to help me understand the Word a little more, learn about someone else’s beliefs, or - as is the case with the authors I’m about to list - enjoy clear, topical writing faithful to God and His Word. And that’s the two things all of these authors’ writing have in common:

• Biblical Faithfulness

• Clarity of Voice

And because of those two things, they are authors I always recommend.

I’m not saying these are the only Christian authors to read, or they’re the best Christians ever. Many are just as biblically faithful and clear with the same or more personal integrity. But out of the writing I’ve read over the years, these five authors hit the two considerations I mentioned above square on the head.

I want to list these five authors, explain why I recommend them specifically and suggest a highlight to read as a gateway into the rest of their work.

Ultimately, however, I want you men to head into the Bible first and foremost. It houses all of the wisdom you need, requiring no supplement. There are too many men, organizations, and churches these days suggesting extrabiblical authors first and then very far down the line suggesting where to begin Bible reading. That is not where I’m at, nor should any godly man be there, much less the Church. But the Church is there, and we must do better.

Men, read your Bible. If it’s all you ever do and are known for, read the Word of God. Die having only read the God-breathed words of life, if you must. Let it be your legacy. Nothing else comes close as a supplement or a substitute. But if you want to read something in addition to your daily journey into God’s Word, here are the five authors I always recommend.

Note: these are in no particular order. I have my preferred order, but it greatly depends on the day. Also, all product links are affiliate links.

Ravi Zacharias

I’ve suggested no author outside of the Bible more than Mr. Zacharias. Not because he was second in greatness to scripture but because he was the first author I took to. His writing feeds the intellect in ways I’ve not witnessed in any other writer. And the clarity and simplicity with which he breaks down many a high concept is remarkable. Out of all the authors on this list, though, he is the most controversial. I don’t recommend him lightly. A quick Google search will suffice if you don’t know why he’s so controversial. What you won’t find is anything other than the approved narrative. To see the other side of the coin in the controversy, a resource very few will admit exists: Defending Ravi.

Highlight of his writing:

The Lotus and the Cross: Jesus Talks With Buddha

Nabeel Qureshi

Gone too soon, Nabeel mastered communicating via the oral and written word. His story of conversion from Islam to Christianity is beautiful. He has a limited catalog compared to the rest of these authors, but each piece packs a punch. Gracious, soft-spoken in tone, yet direct and uncompromising, Nabeel’s writing educates and elucidates simultaneously. His story isn’t unique, but God gave him a distinctive voice and a unique historical moment, and the results are still felt today. He wasn’t a pastor, but the warmth radiating from each page on such personal and heated topics could be described as nothing less than pastoral.

Highlight of his writing: Answering Jihad: A Better Way Forward

Bonus suggestion: Nabeel’s Video Lectures on Islam

D.L. Moody

A theologian and teacher for the regular guy, Moody emphasized the Gospel and presented biblical truth in a plain, grass-fed, salt-of-the-earth way very few are able to. Relatively uneducated, he went on to found one of the most respected Bible colleges in the world, Moody Bible Institute. If you’re looking for direct and uncomplicated writing with a solid and unflinching foundation on scripture, Moody is your guy. I would say more, but there’s a charm to his prose, which is pure Americana and must be experienced firsthand.

Highlight of his writing: Daniel: Man of God

Charles “Chuck” R. Swindoll

Swindoll has been in the ministry for over 60 years. And while he retired in 2024 from full-time vocation, he’s not retired from ministry. So, he continues to teach the Word and help others apply it. Through the warmth he’s garnered as a pastor through the years, on top of the foundation of scripture, his writing is relatable and winsome without compromising truth. So when he is direct and unapologetic, confronting important truths head-on, the groundwork he’s laid makes what he communicates land with its intended heart and tone. He is humorous without being comical, warm without coddling, and direct without losing tact. Above all, though, he holds God and His Word above all else and teaches from there and always there.

Highlight from his writing: Man To Man

Dr. Gary Chapman

If there is anyone who’s sought after more than Gary Chapman for biblical relationship advice, He isn’t human. Gary’s claim to fame(The 5 Love Languages) has been a near-permanent fixture on bestseller lists since 2007. That’s not by accident. His writing’s tone, humor, winsomeness, clarity, academic integrity, and uncompromising biblical foundation make him one of the easiest and best-to-read authors. Some may say that since the world has latched onto his books, they must not be all that biblical. But if you notice, the world leaves out the biblical grounding. He is a man of great character, tremendous humility, openness, and biblical faithfulness. I can personally attest to this as he is a personal friend.

Highlight of his writing: Anger: Taming A Powerful Emotion

There they are: the five authors I always recommend. You don’t have to agree, or like that I put any of them on the list. But the undeniable biblical faithfulness and clarity in their work is unquestionable. And that’s why I always recommend them. But, again, read your Bible first and foremost. Take it with you and pour over it more than any other words on a page. For that purpose, here’s a copy I recommend to anyone diving into the pages of scripture for the first time: NASB95 Black Bonded Leather Thinline Bible. It’s nothing fancy, just a faithful, easy-to-read-and-understand translation. If you buy anything recommended here today, buy that. Outside of Jesus, the Bible is my number one recommendation.

Have you heard about my new endeavor, Dearest Ecclesia? Check it out here!