Brothers,

The Theological Virtues — Faith, Hope, and Charity — are the virtues that allow us time bound, created, human beings — to enter into relationship with the eternal, almighty God.

Faith is the virtue (the habit of soul) by which we place trust in Jesus Christ, a trust through which we enter into relationship with Him and open ourselves to His grace, grace that heals and elevates our human nature, draws us into relationship with the Father, and empowers us to truly change, grow, and follow Him.

Hope is the virtue by which we desire heaven and true happiness and fulfillment in God as our ultimate end, and believe that we can attain these things, not by our own strength, but by the power of the Holy Spirit if we will persevere in Christ Jesus.

Charity is the ultimate virtue that sums up and draws all virtues together into itself. We use the word “love” for all kinds of things — I love pizza, my dog, my wife and kids, and God. But Charity is the true and divine love of God which, through Faith and Hope, we can not only receive and experience, but can begin to learn to reciprocate and share with other people.

The Cardinal or Human virtues — Prudence, Justice, Courage, and Temperance — are the soil of the human soul. When we choose to begin tending and preparing this soil we are already, consciously or unconsciously, cooperating with God’s grace and Faith/Hope/Charity.

But then when the seed — the word of God — lands and takes root in the soil of our souls through prayer and our free choices to cooperate with His grace in the Christian life, we make ourselves more open to a greater gift of Faith, Hope, and Charity. And so, throughout this life, we are drawn up higher and higher into the love and holiness of Jesus Christ.

THIS is our destiny: Through the exercise of the Human Virtues transfigured and elevated by the Theological Virtues to be perfect as our Father is perfect, holy as He is holy, to be saints who image His ultimate truth, goodness, and beauty in an utterly and unique way through our character and our lives.

Renew your commitment to this journey of prayer, virtue, and vocation, brother! God is calling us onward and He will be with us on the way.

I was very blessed yesterday at a conference to hear a homily by the inimitable Fr. Larry Richards on the passage from the Gospel of Matthew:

“Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me,

and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me;

and whoever does not take up his cross

and follow after me is not worthy of me.” (Matthew 10)

He emphasized that this passage is obviously about priorities — i.e. putting Jesus Christ first in your life.

But he also pointed out that if love for Jesus is NOT first in your life, then any “love” you might have for father, mother, son, or daughter will inevitably be and increasingly become a selfish love.

It is by placing love for Christ first and at the center of our lives that we will be enabled to receive, reciprocate, and share his divine love — his true Charity — with the people He has given us.

How do we know that we have put love of Jesus first and at the center of our lives?

The primary metric is the sacrifice of time — we need to spend time with Jesus.

Fr. Larry reiterated that great quote attributed to St. Francis De Sales:

"Every one of us needs half an hour of prayer a day, except when we are busy—then we need an hour."

Brothers: I come away from the weekend quite reconvicted of the need to place Jesus Christ again first and at the center of life through the concrete sacrifice of time — and I invite you to do so as well.

If you need to get up a bit earlier in the morning in order to be able to give the Lord 30 minutes of intentional prayer time, start this week doing so.

Pick a few prayers to focus on — the Liturgy of the Hours is a great practice to pick up.

But also, be sure that a good chunk of the time you use to begin practicing talking LESS and listening MORE.

We need to sit before the loving presence of Jesus, seeking His will for our lives, and listening for His guidance.

All of us have a rightly magnanimous desire to do great things for the Lord — to be good husbands, fathers, friends, and sharers of the faith — but without the love of Jesus, we are merely clanging gongs and clashing cymbals.

If we place Jesus at the center, if we love Him above all and listen to Him — He will show us the way and give us the grace to bear fruit.

Let’s pray for each other this week, brothers, as we press on and persevere in the journey of prayer.

God be with you today. 🙏 💪🔥

Brothers,

Catholic Husbands and Fathers today are drifting and discouraged.

They may look the part on the outside — going to Holy Mass, keeping the family housed and fed, etc — but inside they feel anxious, tired, distracted by news & social media, unable to keep promises to themselves & others — and far from the man God created them to be.

If thats you, brother, you’re not failing — you’ve just been fighting alone.

As I’ve shared in the past, Building Catholic Men is a brotherhood of Catholic husbands and fathers growing stronger together — in prayer, virtue, physical discipline, and confident leadership in their families and communities.

I have a really exciting opportunity coming up that I want to share with you:

Starting the week of July 6th, I am teaming up with the “Iron Saints Coach” John Chick for our “Iron Saints 42-day Challenge” — a 6 week physical training and spiritual formation journey for Catholic men.

John Chick played over 10 years in the NFL and CFL and is a devoted Catholic father of 11 children. He serves as a Director of Prison Ministry in his diocese and he is bringing his amazing “Iron Saints” training program and philosophy to the Building Catholic Men Digital fraternity.

You may have seen (or joined) the “Prayer & Virtue” teaching cohorts I have done in the past, but this is going to be NEXT LEVEL.

For 6 weeks — 42 days — Coach John and I will be leading a group of Catholic men through a program of intense, daily physical training AND formation in prayer, virtue, and vocation — shoulder-to-shoulder with a group of on-fire Catholic brothers just like YOU.

For each day/week of the Iron Saints cohort you will be provided with:

• Your daily workout (called Active Prayer) tailored to your fitness level, can be done at home or gym)

• Spiritual/mental formation (video, reflection, or habit) focused on the journey of prayer, growth in virtue, conquering vice, and becoming battle-ready for your vocation and mission

And throughout the cohort you’ll have full membership in the Building Catholic Men Digital Fraternity:

• Multiple Weekly Live Fraternity Meetings — Opportunities to come together via video calls for prayer & discussion of goals and challenges.

• Daily group chat — Discuss the faith, share your prayer requests, celebrate your wins, troubleshoot your challenges. Share the ongoing journey with your brothers.

• Accountability — Post your goals and get accountable to your brothers for building new healthy/holy habits.

• Video Lessons on Prayer, Virtue, Vocation — Ongoing coaching on the practical pillars of your life as a Catholic husband, father, and man.

• Premium Courses, Videos, Articles, & Downloads — Ever-growing archive of materials on the Catholic faith and authentic masculinity.

• Early Access to In-Person Retreats (coming this Fall!)

This is a serious commitment for serious Catholic men — men who REFUSE to drift — men who are committed to pursuing holiness and being the best husbands, fathers, and men that they can be.

No burnout or backsliding with a brotherhood of committed Catholic men — helping you become the best version of yourself for your family.

Respond to this email and/or visit the link below to schedule a call to discuss your personal goals and get a no-obligation assessment of whether this “Iron Saints” challenge is a good fit for you.

(Big discounts available if you bring a brother (or two!) along for the challenge with you!)

My brother: If you have felt discouraged, trapped, tired of falling off, and you KNOW God is calling you to more, we are looking for 15-20 GOOD MEN of FAITH who are ready to finally reclaim strength, clarity, and purpose in their lives.

It’s time to rise. 🔥

Book a Call

Lent is a good time to remember that we are Men ON THE JOURNEY — we are pilgrims in this life and we must persevere in prayer, virtue, and vocation.

What does it really mean to be a Christian and to accept the salvation that Jesus is offering? Mere lip service is not enough nor is it enough to just accept him as a good moral teacher. Jesus says that He is the way, the truth, and the life and that we cannot come to know and be in relationship with the Father except through him. To put our faith in Christ means to accept His lordship and obey his commands. We have to surrender and follow Him — wherever he leads.

But even then, for those who have become His disciples, the Christian journey is not merely about following rules and “not sinning”. We are called, as disciples, to bear fruit befitting repentance: works of mercy, internal change of heart, imitation of Jesus’ heart.

We cannot do any of this on our own and we will make mistakes. Hence, part of the Christian journey is repentance when we do.

Rather than responding to our mistakes with a reflexive increase in trying to rely on our own wisdom/power — and then despairing when we find its not enough — we must respond to our own sins with an intentional increase in humility, trust, and reliance on God’s grace. In this way we turn defeat into greater victory.

Most of all, though, in all of this, Lent is a time to cultivate or reawaken a “Holy Discontentment” — a pilgrim spirit which recognizes that, this side of heaven, we must get up every day an take the next, right step God is calling us to take.

None of us have “arrived”. All of us are in danger of our sinful habits growing and crystalizing into a final refusal of God’s grace and love.

I came across this awesome quote from St. Augustine that fits this theme and is a great Lenten reminder:

So, then, my brothers, let us sing now, not in order to enjoy a life of leisure, but in order to lighten our labors.You should sing as wayfarers do-sing, but continue your journey. Do not be lazy, but sing to make your journey more enjoyable. Sing, but keep going. What do I mean by keep going? Keep on making progress. This progress, however, must be in virtue; for there are some, the Apostle warns, whose only progress is in vice. If you make progress, you will be continuing your journey, but be sure that your progress is in virtue, true faith and right living. Sing then, but keep going. — St Augustine

A few things really hit me in this quote:

First, St. Augustine is reminding us that we are “wayfarers” — pilgrims, men on a journey! And that journey has to continue, step by step, as long as we are alive.

Second, St. Augustine exhorts us not to be lazy. We need to be making progress on this journey! As Disciples, we must be producing good fruit, as befitting our repentance. (Matthew 3:8)

Third, however, this progress MUST be in virtue. We’re always making “progress” in a certain sense. The clock is ticking, our hearts are beating, and our days will inevitably be filled with decisions and actions. The key, of course, is Prudence — we must be turning to reality, making decisions, and taking action — to ensure that our “progress is in virtue” not vice.

Brothers, let us continue the journey of prayer, virtue, and vocation this Lenten season:

— Daily determined prayer

— Frequent sacraments of Penance and Eucharist

— Eat, drink, sleep, and exercise in a way that gives glory to God and makes you ready to carry out your vocations

— Intentional study AND avoidance of digital distraction

And of course, during this season penance, in preparation for our Easter Celebration, let us faithfully carry out special acts of Prayer, Fasting, and Almsgiving, as ways to put our Faith, Hope, and Charity into action.

If you don’t already have it, find a group of Catholic brothers this lent that will encourage and hold you accountable for keeping your priorities straights and for making progress in your spiritual journey.

Let’s continue the JOURNEY as BROTHERS, and persevere in prayer for one another this Lent.

In Christ,

— BCM

P.S. Building Catholic Men is a digital fraternity of husbands, fathers, and men seeking to build a holy Rule of Life and continually grow deeper in prayer, virtue, and effectiveness in their vocations.

Men were created by God to thrive on challenge, encouragement, and accountability from their brothers. In our modern world, finding virtuous brotherhood is difficult.

In Building Catholic Men, you’ll have access to a group of growth-minded brothers, powerful and practical resources to help you go deeper, and convenient opportunities to come together for prayer, accountability, and fellowship.

- Multiple weekly Fraternity Meeting options via Zoom

- Daily Fellowship & Accountability via group chat

- Introductory Video courses on “Four Cardinal Virtues” and “The Journey of Prayer” for Catholic men

- Periodic challenges & cohorts (for example, 7 Deadly Sins study & challenge during Lent)

- 1-on-1 Coaching available for men who want more help in working to build up a holy “Rule of Life”

Lent is a great time to join up. Send me a DM for info or email me at buildingcatholicmen@gmail.com

It is the New Year — the time we all instinctively reflect on the progress (or lacktherof) of last year, and begin to look toward the changes we need to make in the next.

The modern world is understandably obsessed with the concept of HABITS. We intuitively recognize, as humans, that we exist in web of interconnecting habits — good and bad — that have build up over the course of our life. To make positive change cannot be simply a matter of one herculean effort to put things right TODAY — but rather, to begin to break bad patterns and build the good ones that will sustain and grow in the future.

But of course, we’ve been here dozens of times before. Breaking bad patterns and building good ones is HARD.

But let me propose one reason for this difficulty — a reason we can address and perhaps, by God’s grace, make more progress this year.

The reason you have failed to build positive habits — prayer, exercise, healthy diet, sleep, relationship, work, etc — is because you only focused on the surface level of those habits.

• When and where you’ll perform them

• What you’re saying with your lips

• What you are doing with your hands

• Perhaps even what thoughts are in your mind

These questions are important, but all of these stand or fall on a deeper foundation: the 4 fundamental habits of your soul

If you don’t get those soul-habits right, you’re building on a foundation of sand.

The first and most important of these soul-habits is shifting from “auto-pilot” — living your life according to the whims of emotion, fear, desire, or pressures from other people — into intentionality and decision.

This soul-habit of waking up and staying awake is called Prudence.

Prudence means to consciously engage your mind in attending to reality and your will in making decisions in accord with reality.

Unless you make this shift from “auto-pilot” to intentionality — and unless you practice this virtue of Prudence so that it begins to stick — ALL of the surface-level habits you might build will not bear fruit and will not last.

Once you have engaged your intellect/will (Prudence), the next soul-habit connects you to the “why?” that informs the actions and decisions you should make.

Here is one of the deepest and mosts profound realities of your human experience: You are a PERSON who has the ability and fundamental need for RELATIONSHIPS with other persons.

The soul-habit by which you turn outward towards other people, recognize their personhood and the good of the relationship between you, and begin to act with their good as your “why” is the virtue of Justice.

Once again, Justice is not just a descriptor of particular acts, but indeed of a fundamental habit of your soul that orients you toward happiness and fulfillment, according to your human nature..

But when you recognize, through the soul-habits of Prudence and Justice, WHAT you should do, you quickly run into a problem — two problems actually:

While you recognize — rationally — what you should do, now you discover that there are two sources of resistance within you:

FEAR and DESIRE.

Correspondingly, the final two soul-habits are those that are built by your efforts to combat fear and desire.

Courage (Fortitude) is the soul-habit by which you willingly endure discomfort, suffering, or even the possibility of death — in order to do what is right.

Temperance is the soul-habit by which you restrain and bring order and direction to your passions/desires — in order to do what is right.

These two soul-habits — Courage and Temperance — reinforce your ability to stay awake and to keep your eyes on what is true and important — that is, to be Prudent and Just. And once again, UNLESS you are building these soul-habits as your foundation, all of your other human habits of body and mind will be fragile and fruitless. Why? Because you have unknowingly built them on the shifting sands of whatever fears or desires are temporarily motivating you.

You might carry the habits out for a few hours, days, a week. They might even become easier and begin to stick. But when flame of your motivation (fear and/or desire) burns out, or when life gets difficult or complicated, suddenly you’ll be right back where you started: a person who can only do what is right/good when they FEEL like it — and who loses control entirely when their feelings change.

Habits are of fundamental and foundational importance. You become what you do repeatedly. But for this reason, you must build the edifice of your habits of body/mind on good habits of SOUL: Prudence, Justice, Courage, and Temperance.

As we head into this New Year, take some time to consider your current routines, schedules, rules, and habits. In what ways are you building or neglecting these fundamental soul-habits in your life? Take stock and begin building this year on the right foundation.

Let’s keep each other in prayer. God be with you today!

In Christ,

—

— Building Catholic Men

P.S. If you are resolving to PRAY more in 2026, I wrote up a little FREE guide entitled “The Journey of Prayer for Catholic Husbands and Fathers”.

It is quick-start guide to building up your personal prayer and domestic liturgy as a Catholic Husband and Father:

• The Journey and 3 Key Expressions of Prayer

• 10 Building Blocks for a Personal & Family Prayer Routine

• Tips for Husbands and Fathers starting family prayer from scratch

You can download the guide for free over on my Gumroad store here:

https://buildingcatholicmen.gumroad.com/

By “lack of integrity” I don’t simply mean dishonesty or unfair-dealing, but the lived-experience of not being ONE man — having a heart and mind that are divided, conflicted, and always shifting and changing.

We carry the deep and haunting knowledge that we aren’t able to keep promises — to ourselves, to God, or anyone else.

However motivated and convicted we may feel by our goals and values today, we have a gnawing and justified distrust of what “future me” will do tonight, tomorrow, or next week.

We long to be men of integrity — men whose hearts are unified and purified, men who can depend on themselves and be depended upon by others in good times and in bad, men who can make promises and set goals and know they will follow through — because we have a track record of doing so.

Virtues as “habits of soul” are what produce this integrity of character that we so desperately long for.

• Prudence

• Justice

• Courage

• Temperance

These are the latent qualities of your human soul that grow and flourish through continual practice over time.

It is not a matter of some short-term herculean effort or heroic intensity in the moment, but rather deep soul-habits that are solidified through focused practice over time.

We know as Christians that all depends on and derives from God’s grace, but we perhaps forget that the powers of our soul — intellect and free will — are themselves graces — gifts from God that allow us to freely choose to step into His will and cooperate with it.

Whenever we engage these powers of our soul — intellect and will — in the ways and patterns we were meant to do so — that is, in Prudence, Justice, Courage, and Temperance — we grow not just in the individual virtues, but indeed in this quality of Integrity — virtuous character that has stability and dependability over time.

The problem is that we think that virtue is only built in the dramatic or critical moments of life — the crises or moments of difficult moral decision-making.

The reality is that there is NO neutral territory in life — no neutral time, no neutral money, and NO neutral choices.

At every waking moment, we are either engaging the powers of our soul in virtuous or vicious patterns.

How you do ANYTHING is how you begin to do EVERYTHING.

The path to being a man of integrity is the path of virtue.

In the Gospel, Jesus demands of his disciples that they bear “fruit” and that they focus on laying up “treasure in heaven”.

These “fruits” and “treasures” can be rightly interpreted in multiple ways.

Part of the “fruit” we are to bear are indeed works of justice, love, and mercy in imitation of Jesus. We are to share the good news of the Gospel. We are to make disciples of all nations, etc. And indeed “treasure” certainly refers to a heavenly state and reward.

But another important shade of meanings for both of these images, and a way in which they converge is in virtue and holiness itself.

One of the primary fruits you are to strive to bear, by God’s grace, is a life of holiness — a soul that is Prudent, Just, Courageous, and Temperance — animated by Faith, Hope, and Charity, purified and perfected in the image of God the Father.

But this holiness — the YOU changed, healed, purified, and perfected — is also one of the treasures — it’s what you take with you into eternity.

Jesus bids you and I to bear the fruits of virtue and holiness by our commitment to prayer and our acts of love and service — and in doing so, by cooperating with His grace, to build up the treasure of a converted and sanctified soul, one of God’s greatest gifts to us.

To quote Lewis, it’s important to keep in mind that ultimately, God does not simply want “obedience to a set of rules: [He] really wants people of a particular sort” — people who have been transformed, purified, and perfected by His grace working through our free choice to cooperate and obey.

Thus, in addition to being descriptors of kinds of action and of qualities/habits of our soul, the virtues also help us to catch a vision of the full weight and glory of this “fruit” and “treasure” our Lord speaks of.

As it says in the book of wisdom:

Enjoy!

There is one further point about the virtues that ought to be noticed. There is a difference between doing some particular just or temperate action and being a just or temperate man. Someone…

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“Temperantia in its strict and ultimate sense is not “realization” of the good.67 Discipline, moderation, chastity, do not in themselves constitute the perfection of man. By preserving and defending order in man himself, temperantia creates the indispensable prerequisite for both the realization of actual good and the actual movement of man toward his g…

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Every single person reading this article woke up physically this morning — but I would suggest that many, many of us failed to wake up spiritually until much later in the day.

Consider the normal course of events for most people. Have you ever had a day like the following?

• You hit the "snooze" button 3 times

• You finally got out of bed in a daze

• You interacted with your family with nods and grunts

• You stumbled to work in a rush

• You meandered through the day on autopilot

• You were constantly pushed/pulled around by your fears, desires, and the strong personalities of the people around you.

• At the end of the day, you brought your work stresses home and let them distract you from being present to your wife and children.

All of us have been there, some still are. How do we break this pattern and live differently?

There is a powerful and fundamental habit of soul that is the key to "waking up" SPIRITUALLY — the key to stepping off the conveyer belt of emotion and engaging your day with awareness and intention.

This habit of soul that I'm talking about — this "Virtue" — is called "Prudence".

Prudence is a misunderstood virtue, often taken these days to mean being merely "cautious" or "calculating", perhaps even being a “coward” on the look out for ways to avoid having to do anything that exposes himself to danger or discomfort.

Nothing could be further from the truth of the virtue of Prudence, however.

Prudence is the first and foundational human virtue — the good “soul-habit” that begets all other good soul-habits.

Prudence at the outset means the engagement of your INTELLECT in seeking to know and understand reality, and the engagement of your WILL in responding rightly and decisively in response to that reality.

As a habit that grows through practice, Prudence is the ability to "stay awake" in the spiritual sense — to go through life awake, alert, and intentional.

Prudence means to step back from the stimuli within and without — to insert some time/space to make a conscious decision about your response.

Prudence is the first step in bringing discipline and order to your passions, so that you master and direct them toward their proper purposes — rather than being driven and controlled by them.

Prudence is the habit by which you stop "rationalizing" — i.e. bastardizing your intellect as a propaganda machine for your base instincts and selfish motives — and start "reasoning", truly seeking to understand the world and act in accord with it.

For these and many other reasons, PRUDENCE is the mother of all the other human virtues — the charioteer of the soul — the foundational habit of the whole moral edifice.

Any time you are truly acting with Justice, Courage, or Temperance, recognize, that your first step was in fact Prudence — i.e. turning your mind to what was true/good/beautiful and then engaging your will in decision and action.

When we begin to recognize the fundamental importance of the virtue of Prudence, it sheds so much light on why we do what we do — and why we struggle so much to make meaningful changes in our lives.

• You can't turn the wheel if you're stuck in autopilot.

• You can't go off script if you're dreaming.

• You can't drive the chariot if you've thrown away the reigns and let the horses choose the course.

How do you grow in Prudence? As with any virtue, you must practice it.

You must do more then wake up PHYSICALLY in the morning — you must wake up SPIRITUALLY, and strive to stay awake throughout your day.

• Have a consistent wake up time

• In the first moments of your day, turn to God in prayer

• Have 3-5 micro-tasks that you can perform immediately after waking to help get your body/mind awake, and allow you to begin engaging your spirit

• Use the morning time for prayer, reflection, planning, learning, training — and preparing to attack the day with PRUDENCE.

You must also become more aware and sensitive to those moments you allow yourself to fall back "asleep".

• Losing yourself in indulgence with food/drink

• Mindless scrolling

• Becoming impatient

• And of course, an times you explicitly/consciously/willfully act in a way that is contrary to right reason (Sin)

In your Examination of Conscience at night, certainly note those recurring sins that you feel guilty about and need to repent of — but go further:

Look back in the chain of events and notice those small, subtle moments in which you surrendered your freedom — in which you allowed (or perhaps willed) yourself back into the sleep of imprudence.

These are the moments of FREEDOM that can make all the difference. Learn what these are and be ready to seize them the next time they come around.

On a final note, keep in mind that Prayer is one of the best ways to cultivate the virtue of Prudence.

Why?

Because in prayer, you make a sacrifice of your time and attention — turning away from the stimuli, stepping out of the flow of daily events — and you reconnect with what is permanent and eternal

In turning to God in prayer, you are precisely opening your mind to truth — perhaps more importantly you are opening your heart in humility to being moved by the truth.

You are going to prayer precisely because you believe you don't have all the answers or the power to be good without Grace.

In prayer you not only turn towards reality, you practice resting in awareness of truth — attending to what is real, as distinct from the ephemera of your racing thoughts, fleeting emotions, and the inputs from other people

And when you leave prayer, you return to your active life more ready in a human sense to take decisive and intentional action — and aided by Divine Grace which transcends and purifies your human abilities.

• Prudence is the ultimate good habit that opens up the possibility to grow in all other good habits.

• Prayer is the ultimate way to practice and build the virtue of prudence.

These are the foundations upon which to start building.

Thanks for reading! +AMDG+

P.S. Join Me for the Prayer, Virtue, & Vocation Cohort Starting In a Few Weeks!

Last year I launched the Building Catholic Men fraternity by leading a cohort of 20 men through a live course on the Journey of Prayer and the Cardinal Virtues. It was an AWESOME experience and I'm gearing up to run another mini-session this September that will run about 8 weeks and be limited to 8 men:

• Weekly lessons on Prayer & Virtue

• Weekly group zoom calls focused on practical application

• Group chat for daily fellowship, encouragement, and accountability

• 1-on-1 calls with me to discuss goals/habits

• My cell phone & text as needed

• Downloadable Weekly planner, habit tracker, and feast/fast log

The Prayer, Virtue, & Vocation cohort costs $300 for 60 days of coaching, fellowship, resources, and support to help you build new habits and kickstart your journey deeper in prayer, virtue, and vocational effectiveness.

Are you in? Send me a note to secure your spot.

1. Get up early before your wife and children — start every day with purpose and intentionality.

Rise as soon as the alarm sounds, hit your knees, and say “yes Lord!”

Spend the morning hours in prayer, reflection, and training body/mind/spirit to be battle-ready for your family.

2. Start and end the day on your knees in prayer — bring your body, mind, and spirit together in prayer before God.

We often leave the body out of our prayer, thinking it doesn’t matter.

But God gave you your body as your means to express love.

Use it.

3. Pray the Liturgy of the Hours Faithfully, at very least Morning and Night Prayer.

This is the universal daily prayer of the Church that priests and religious are required to pray, but laity also are highly encouraged to pray.

Learn to pray it and then invite your family to join.

4. Get your feet on grass and the sun on your bare skin every morning.

St. Bonaventure talked about how one of the ways we meet God is by encountering and meditating on the vestiges of the creator in His creation.

Nothing will ever replace these basic human connections with God.

5. Train your body!

Lift weights, sprint occasionally, walk daily — be strong and fit for your family and set a good example of bodily health and self-discipline.

6. Eat Real Food!

Eat an animal-based, whole foods diet that nourishes you and builds you up for your vocation.

Eat more protein/meat and eliminate junk food and snacking.

Save the alcohol and deserts for feast days.

7. Learn to Fast occasionally — from meat on Fridays and from all food once in a while.

Offer up the good gifts of food and drink for the greater gift of intimacy with the Lord.

8. Feast

Just as important or perhaps more important than the fast is the feast.

Why?

Because Gods gift of himself is more foundational and important than our efforts.

Make your Sundays and feast days intentional and joyful, together with friends and family.

9. Attend Sunday Mass with your family (and occasional daily mass as well.)

The Holy Eucharist — the true presence and self-gift of Jesus, body and blood, soul and divinity — is the source and summit of our faith.

Make the mass the center of family life.

10. Embrace the Sabbath — Prioritize holy leisure on Sundays with your family.

This will mean proper planning and working as a team on Saturdays and the rest of the week.

But with practice, the whole week can be a joyful anticipation and preparation for the Lord’s Day.

11. Find a Eucharistic adoration chapel in your area and commit to a weekly Holy Hour.

This is one of the greatest opportunities for deep, intimate prayer with God that we have.

Commit a holy hour and then use that time slot to bring friends and family members to be with Jesus.

12. Go to confession

Jesus gives us this amazing opportunity through his priests to confess our sins and not just to receive but also hear “you are forgiven — sin no more”.

The confessional is not a place of shame but a place of victory.

Go there, give your sins to Jesus and be done with them.

Resolve to sin no more and to avoid the near occasions of sin.

13. Go to (Spiritual) War on Fridays

Use Friday as a day to intentionally pray and sacrifice for people in your life who need it.

Write down your intentions
Add additional prayers
Choose a special fast or sacrifice
Unite it all with Jesus’ passion and death

14. Be a Man Who Lives with the End in Mind

Think occasionally about the last things — death, judgement, heaven, and hell — and make sure your life is on track.

Write down your goals, share them with your brothers, and check in on them often.

15.Examine your conscience

Every night, take time to reflect on the day past, noting the blessings and wins, as well as the challenges and the ways you messed up.

Don’t be discouraged.

Repentance and humble renewed trust in God is a victory.

Thank God for your blessings, learn from your mistakes, make a plan for the next day.

16. Get to know your Blessed Mother and ask her for help and intercession.

Mary was the first Christian — the first recipient of Jesus’s passion, death, and resurrection.

Mary said “yes!” And we see in her example the glory Christ wishes to work in each of us.

Mary, mother of fathers, pray for us!

17. Pick 3-5 saints to get to know as well.

Read their biographies, get their pictures on the wall, and begin asking for their intercession.

The Saints are alive — even more alive than we are because they are perfectly united to God and ever enjoy his presence.

 They continue to cheer us on, and their prayers are powerful.

18. Make a prayer/shrine/altar spot in your home.

This is not only to give you and your family a dedicated place to pray.

It also communicates to the family and to the world where your priorities are.

Enthrone a beautiful crucifix and/or image of the Sacred Heart of Jesus. Surround it with beautiful images of favorite saints.

19. Get to Know Your Pastor & other local priests

Have them over for meals, pray together, and engage in edifying conversation.

It’s so good for your kids to see both you AND consecrated priests/religious living out the faith together.

It helps them begin thinking in terms of vocation, and recognizing that whichever direction they are called, holiness is still the goal.

Keep in mind that priests also need this connection with good families who are living out the faith. It encourages them, keeps them grounded, and reminds them of what they are truly working to build.

20. Seek Brotherhood

Connect with other growth-minded Catholic men for encouragement and accountability.

Pray, discuss goals/challenges, and push each other to grow in prayer, virtue, and vocation.

(DM me about joining the BCM Digital Fraternity!)

21. Read More

Start reading more good books.

If you struggle to stay focused or not fall asleep, start with just a few pages per day and work on building up the habit.

Have a few books going in multiple categories: something spiritual, something practical, something beautiful.

Choose books that will help to focus and build you up in your vocation as a husband, father, and man.

22. Learn and Apply the Virtues

The framework of the Cardinal Virtues is the “User’s manual” of your human soul.

It is the original template for understanding how you function as a human, analyzing what is going wrong, and identifying how to make authentic change.

Prudence is the virtue — the habit of soul — of waking up to reality, seeking truth, and making good decisions — and it is the foundational virtue upon which all the others must build.

Justice is the virtue of conversion to the reality of relationship — turning outward toward other people, recognizing your duties, obligation, and opportunities, and becoming a person who strives to “give each his due”.

Courage is the virtue by which you are able to carry out the demands of justice, even when you face discomfort, fear, pain, and danger.

Temperance is the virtue of ordering your inner life of passions, drives, and desires — not just negating these, but disciplining and reordering them toward the ends for which God made them.

At every moment, with every single thing you do, you are either growing in these virtues, or their opposing vices.

Get aware, and get building.

23. Evaluate Your “Information Diet” and be “Studious”

The medievals had terms for virtuous and vicious relationships with information and learning.

Studiositas was the virtue of limiting your attention to what was truly relevant and helpful to your vocation and state in life — to read/listen/study to the true, good, and beautiful.

Curiositas, on the other hand, was the virtue of indulging every curious whim regarding the latest news, gossip, controversy, and drama.

Evaluate your current information diet, cut out the sources and habits of information-consumption that are wasting your time and only cultivating vice.

Take a “media fast” and get some clarity.

Then refocus on those things the Lord really wants you to be learning, studying, and discussing.

24. Proactively Fight Back Against Lust

If you struggle with Lust, recognize that merely averting your eyes and trying to distract yourself may be necessary, but is insufficient.

Counter every temptation to lust by praying God’s blessing and protection on the women you encounter.

In this way, you challenge the vice of lust in your heart and practice its opposite: charity.

25. Don’t Fool Yourself With Church Drama

It’s so easy to talk yourself into spending time consuming, discussing, following, researching, and participating in Church drama — because it is “CHURCH” drama.

Just because it’s “Catholic” doesn’t mean it is your business.

Additionally, just because you may be in the right, doesn’t excuse gossip, mockery, cruelty, and other sins.

Avoid such things, and the people who constantly stir up such things.

Focus on what truly matters.
Correct people in private.

26. Pray and Fast for Priests, Bishops, and the Pope

Catholics frequently fall to the bad habit of talking over much or overly negative about problems in the Church.

Replace this with fervant prayer and fasting for vocations and for the conversion and holiness of our pastors.

27. Become Outdoorsy

Nature is an opportunity for us to connect with God, but not only in the beauty of its flowers, but also the discomfort of its thorns.

In nature, we come up against real barriers and challenges — hills, weeds, rocks, thorns, “bad weather”, hot, cold, and the like.

And this is a good thing.

Learn to embrace “bad weather” and get out to meet the Lord in His creation — and don’t forget to bring your kids along!

28. Read the Bible & Catechism of the Catholic Church

The bible is the unique, inspired word of God.

And the catechism is the summary and synthesis of the teachings and practices of the Church guarded and guided by the Holy Spirit and passed down by the Apostles to us today.

Pick up a reading guide or @frmikeschmitz ‘s podcast and just get started.

29. Make Bedtimes Count

Spend a few minutes before bedtime chatting with your kids, asking them about their day, and letting them talk about whatever they want to talk about.

Take this opportunity to slow down, look them in the eye, and give them undivided attention.

When you say goodnight, trace the sign of the cross on their foreheads and bless them.

You are the priest of your domestic church and your invocation of Jesus’ name has power.

30. Date Your Wife

Take your wife out on a date every week, even if that only means putting the kids to bed early, walking around the backyard sipping wine, and talking about your dreams.

Every couple hits a point where this has to move from something easy that was the result of infatuation before marriage, to a deeper habit of love within marriage.

It takes work and practice, and you have the responsibility to lead the way as a Husband.

So make time to be present to your wife. Learn what she likes. Talk about your hopes and dreams together again.

31. Take 20 Minutes on Sunday to Plan

Before the craziness of Monday begins, take just a brief time to look ahead on the calendar, write out some priorities, make tweaks to your routines, etc.

It’s a small habit with a huge impact.

Bonus if take a few minutes after to go over the calendar with your wife as well! Go over the upcoming events and identify ways you can help each other out. Start the week on the same page and working as a team.

32. Lead your family in prayer.

This is your responsibility as a husband and father.

But if you didn’t grow up with a good example and/or you have fallen out of the habit, it can be intimidating to get started again.

The keys are to start small, habit stack, and prioritize the relationships.

Even just starting with more intentional meal prayers can be a game changer.

The main thing is to START and not give up.

I wrote a guide for getting started leading family prayer as a husband and father you can check out here: buildingcatholicmen.gumroad.com/l/hcufc

33. Go on a Retreat

Make an annual retreat to be with God in silence and reflect on your life and goals.

Help your wife plan one as well and make sure she has the time/space to do so.

34. Eat a Frog Every Day

Mark Twain famously joked that if you eat a frog first thing in the morning, you’ve already accomplished the hardest thing you’ll do today.

Starting the day by “eating a frog” is a powerful catalyst for growth in virtue.

By picking some small, distasteful task to knock out, you assert your freedom and gain some distance/perspective on your feelings.

You reclaim your agency, enabling you to proceed to act more rationally and virtuously the rest of the day.

35. Throw More Dinner Parties

Sometimes we overthink hospitality — feeling like we have to spend a lot of money or have everything perfectly clean before we can have people over.

But things don’t have to be perfect or complicated.

Just get together, share a meal, pray Vespers or Compline or a Rosary together, enjoy some good conversation and let the kids play.

By pushing through and practicing “messy hospitality” you lead your family in serving others AND showing an example that they can follow in return.

36. Learn to Manage Your Money

There is no neutral territory in life — no neutral time, no neutral money, no neutral decisions.

Learn to be a good steward of your money.

Start a budget, lead good/proactive discussions with your wife about your money habits and goals, make sure you are giving back to God first.

And if you need help, ask someone you know who is GOOD with money for advice and assistance.

37. Get a Really Good Rosary and Use it

There are few prayers more powerful and fruitful than the Holy Rosary.

The Rosary is meditative bible study on the life, death, passion, and resurrection of Jesus. You pray it in the company of Our Lady, while asking her help and intercession.

Buy a Rosary that you really like and that will last.

Learn to pray it consistently and fervently.

Eventually, pass it on to one of your sons or daughters as a gift at an important moment in their lives.

38. Be a Saint

Decide this very day to give your whole life to Jesus Christ in a renewed way and to accept His upward call to holiness.

Recognize that you CAN be a saint.

Nothing and no one is stopping you but you. God will guide you provide you every grace that is necessary — IF you will let Him.

Start today, this very moment.

Pray for help and simply take the next, right step, one at a time — and never EVER give in to despair or discouragement, which is the devil’s only ultimate objective for you.

When you fall, get back up and run home to your heavenly father, who delights in you and is ever ready to forgive.

God has called you into being to do great things — to know Him, love Him, and serve Him in this life — to take part in his fatherly work of healing and drawing the human race back to Himself.

You have a destiny, a purpose, a part to play that NO ONE ELSE can replace.

Your wife and children are depending on you.

Turn to Jesus today, deny yourself, pick up your cross, and follow Him to glory.

God be with you today brother. 💪🙏

Thanks for reading!

+AMDG+

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
And lean not on your own understanding,
In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He will direct your paths.”
— Proverbs 3:5–6

I have a confession to make: I do not love righteousness.

That may perhaps sound like a strange thing to assert, especially at the beginning of an essay about the Christian life, written, ostensibly, by a Catholic husband and father who, from external appearances, would seem to be trying to live it out faithfully, albeit clumsily, making many mistakes.

I am committed in theory to the Christian life — to striving to know, love, and serve God, to caring for my wife and children and helping them get to heaven, and to carrying out the good works God has given me to care for my neighbor.

But the reality is that when I examine my heart and what proceeds from my heart, I find that I do not love God, my spouse, my children, or my neighbor.

How do I come to conclude this? There are many evidences.

The first is that I continue to sin against God, my family, and my neighbor — I choose myself, in the form of some comfort to my senses or aggrandizement of my ego, over each of them with alarming frequency. However often I apologize, resolve to sin no more, and receive the mercy and forgiveness I do not deserve — nevertheless, I continue, when push comes to shove, to choose myself over others.

Secondly, even when I manage to avoid sin, in those better moments when I carry out the praise and worship due my God, when I provide and care for my wife, when I instruct and guide my children, when I serve my neighbor — so often I do so through gritted teeth. I have to fight with…myself, in order to carry out these duties — and indeed they strike me as “duties”, rather than free responses of love.

Third and finally, even in those very positive moments in which my heart seems to come alive and I find service of God, spouse, children, and neighbor to be easy and enjoyable, for a moment it seems like I really do love them. But the next week, or day, or even moment, when my mood has shifted, the circumstances have changed, I find, once again, that apparent acts of love are a chore rather than a joy. And in fact, when I reflect on those moments of apparent love, I find that other things were at work in my heart — pride, vanity, enjoyment of the love of others, or simply the feelings of progress and achievement. When the feelings depart — when suddenly it is a matter of loving the other person for their own sake — I am left with a cold heart and a dreaded duty once again.

Now this may sound like an extremely dour and depressing place to start an essay on the journey of the Christian life, but let me explain why I have found this realization to be freeing and indeed empowering — and indeed, ultimately, a key to unlocking the door to growing in love of God, spouse, children, friend, and neighbor.

What I have come to appreciate over time is the reality that I, myself — in my heart of hearts, that central and mysterious core of my being — am not really one thing. My heart is divided and at war with itself. My heart is “impure” — it does not “will one thing” (Kierkegaard). What I discover both in experience and introspection is that *I* am divided. There is a part of *me* that does love truth, goodness, beauty, God, and neighbor — but there is another part of *me* that simply does not, and this selfish part is far larger and more pervasive in my thoughts, words, actions, and attitudes than I care to realize.

Even in many of those moments when I think and feel that I am most purely loving another person, I find upon reflection, once again, that there was some other reason that love came easy — that the situation stroked my ego, kept me safe, gave me a sense of progress and accomplishment. And once again, as soon as the circumstances change and the selfish motives dissipate, I find that my capacity to love is exceedingly small.

As I said though, this realization is good news. Only the man who is truly convicted of the depth of his sin can come to be fully convicted of his need for a savior.

We tend to think of sin too narrowly, in terms of those specific and discrete actions that we could easily write down in a list during our Examination of Conscience and rattle off later in the confessional. But if we consider sin in the wider sense as that which “misses the mark” then it is not just our actions, but our thoughts, and indeed the dispositions of our heart that miss the mark of the intent and ideal of the creator. Beneath and behind our discrete sins are vices, wounds, and a broken and divided heart, which in large part, is attached to self and holds little love for God and neighbor.

Our sinfulness runs deep, as does our need for a savior in Jesus Christ, Son of the Almighty Ever-Living God the Father, by the power of the Holy Spirit.

It is not simply a little extra grace here and there that we need — a little “leg up” to help us make a tough decision or carry out some task.

The wound runs deep. We are in need of “heart surgery” from the only divine physician capable of cutting deep enough.

We need to be healed, transformed, converted — saved from that part of our hearts, that part of our very selves, which would rather despair than love, let alone serve.

All of this leads back to the title and notion of this essay: the journey.

Of what does the Christian life consist? What is it about? What is its shape and progression?

Salvation is clearly not a matter, primarily, of human effort and achievement — not a Pelagian pulling oneself up by the bootstraps, or a stoic assertion of a virtuous life achieved through force of will.

Nor is salvation a mere legal or technical matter — not a matter of mere words, as in the recitation of the “Sinner’s prayer”, legally imputing Christ’s righteousness to the sinner and crediting their “account” with salvation. It is not about getting into heaven on a “technicality”, God looking aside or shielding his eyes from your sinfulness.

Here’s the thing: God really wants to save you, fully and completely.

Not just from the evils and threats outside of you. Not even just from the explicit and discrete sinful choices that you can’t seem to stop making.

No, its so much more than that.

God wants to heal and transform you utterly. He wants to make you Holy as He is holy.

He doesn’t just want you to do righteous things. When He gets done with you, if you let Him and cooperate with His grace, you will love righteousness, just as He does.

Imagine for a moment, not just that you manage to stop sinning (for 5 minutes), but that you were able to truly love God, spouse, children, friends, neighbors, strangers — enemies — not through gritted teeth, but effortlessly, joyfully, from a heart that is conformed to Christ’s heart?

It is true that in this life, love will almost always involve a strenuous act of willpower — love will demand suffering, with sacrifice, with struggle, against the enemies of love without and the enemies of love within.

But in the end? When the battle that has already been won in the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ, comes to its fulfillment in both time and eternity? When that victory has been extended even to the most remote stronghold of selfishness and evil — your own heart?

When that victory comes, you will truly be set free to love. No longer will you have a divided or impure heart — a heart that struggles against itself. You will be one, you will love, and you will receive that love that has always been offered you, but which you hid from in your sinfulness.

This is the journey we are on — the journey of total transformation and healing in Jesus Christ.

It is in light of this reality of the journey that we must take a hard, realistic, but ultimately empowering look at our lives and the road ahead:

• You and I are more flawed, broken, and sinful than we realize. Much of what we call love is merely selfish pride in disguise. The situation is dire.

• But God’s love is perfect, His grace is enough, and He will heal you if you let him.

How does this happen? What does this cooperation and transformation look like?

This path of cooperation with God’s grace in order that we may be healed and grow in conformity with Christ is the path of prayer and virtue.

Prayer is the journey of relationship with God — beginning with vocal worship and supplication, but proceeding, if we persevere, ever more deeply into contemplation and loving communion with the indwelling trinity.

Virtues are habits of soul, that grow by conscious and intentional practice, by which become more like Jesus — so that we not only understand and choose to act righteously, but that we increasingly love righteousness, just as Jesus does.

Prayer & Sacraments empower us to make virtuous choices.

Growing in virtue opens us up to greater receptivity to God in prayer the sacraments.

This is the Journey.

The other day I tweeted about the necessity of keeping your relationships — God, spouse, and children, etc — in proper order:

After the fact, I received a good question: Practically speaking, what does this look like? How do you prioritize your relationship with God before your spouse, and your relationship with your spouse before your children?

Here are some ideas and reflections on what this might mean:

-- First and foremost, you need to have a strong personal commitment to daily prayer, and helping your spouse to have the time/space/encouragement to do the same. Both spouses should be looking to God first and foremost for the grace to be growing in holiness and being a better spouse.

-- Secondly, the building and maintenance of the marriage relationship has to be a real priority — as evidenced by your actual habits and calendar events. Making conversation, connection, date nights, etc to support and continue building up the marriage relationship need to be a higher priority than additional family activities. Having kids go to bed on time so that Mom/Dad have a little quality time daily.

A lot of spouses have problems that need to be addressed, but instead they are ignored/procrastinated on, while both spouses just turn more attention to the children.

This is not necessarily done with any malice or even conscious decision. It's just easy, in any area of life, to ignore bigger/high priority problems, and stay busy with lesser ones.

Being a father who gives his children attention and love is, of course, wonderful and what we're all aspiring to — to be attentive, present, playful, encouraging, and to raise our children to be healthy, happy, and holy.

And indeed, your relationship with your children should come before other relationships outside of your family. Work, drinking buddies, hobbies, sports, etc should not be put before your children.

But ultimately, if you are neglecting your relationship with your wife, you are robbing your kids of a priceless treasure: having/seeing/experiencing a mother and father who are unified, loving, and working as a team.

In short:

— If you fail to put God first, your ability to be a good husband and father will falter.

— If you fail to put your spouse first, your ability to love your children and give them an icon of God's love will falter.

Would love your thoughts! How do you keep these relationships properly ordered in your life?

Last year, our diocesan vocations director did something that I think was brilliant and needs to continue.

He was running a vocations retreat for about 15 men who were in the early stages of exploring a potential call to the priesthood.

The vocations director invited an older, retired priest, a younger pastor, a current seminarian, and myself — a 15 years married, father of 6 — to sit on a discussion panel.

As part of the panel discussion, he had prompts he asked each of us to respond to in turn. Things like:

— How did you first begin to consider your vocation?

— How did you come to a decision?

— Describe a typical day in your life.

— Describe your Prayer and Rule of Life

— What are some of the blessings and challenges in your vocation?

The answers and resulting discussion was powerful for a lot of reasons.

But the thing that stood out, is that the men on this retreat were given a vocational vision in which both Marriage/Family and to the Priesthood (or Religious Life) were presented as serious, challenging, sacrificial paths to holiness.

Neither is "easy mode".

Neither is an escape from the demands of the other.

The priests, seminarian, and I were able to talk about the struggles that come with the territory in each vocation — but also the immense blessings and fruits.

We were able to talk through the ways way we each work hard to live all aspects of our lives intentionally — prayer, work, leisure, fitness, diet, sleep, etc — in order to be "battle-ready" every day for our physical/spiritual spouses and children.

We were able to emphasize that in either vocation — marriage and priesthood — we were being called, as men, to be GOOD FATHERS in all senses of the term — to be radically devoted to God, ready and willing to lay down our lives daily for our spouses/children, and moreover ready to live obediently and intentionally, entertaining no illusions that we can pick and choose which parts of our lives — time, money, choices — were to be lived intentionally for Christ.

Not all of the guys on that retreat will be priests, but all of them were challenged to be men of prayer and virtue — men committed to following Jesus in whatever vocation He led them to.

The young man were challenged and encouraged not waste any time, but rather to start TODAY:

— Get/stay radically devoted to God in prayer

— Frequent the sacraments

— Train/Eat/Sleep intentionally

— Study hard and avoid distractions

WHEN God chooses to make the path clear, let Him find you BATTLE-READY.

Whichever vocation — Marriage/Family or Priesthood — God calls you to, you are to be ALL IN.

We need more Catholic FATHERS — Husbands and Priests — coming together to invite, challenge, and encourage our young men to pursue lives of purpose and holiness.

Prudence

Prudence is the virtue —the Habit of Soul — by which we are enabled to go through life awake, alert, and intentional.

To be prudent means to "wake up" spiritually — to engage your intellect with Truth and your Will in striving to do what is good.

Justice

Justice is the virtue — the habit of soul — by which we give to each person his or her due.

Justice is a conversion to the deepest and most fundamental truth: you are a PERSON in relationship with other PERSONS.

Justice means to turn toward these relationships and to do right accord to them.

People talk endlessly about Justice/Injustice "out there" — but it ALL begins "in here".

Justice in society begins with individuals taking their own relationships, responsibilities, and opportunities seriously.

Courage

Courage is the virtue — the habit of soul — by which we voluntarily attack or endure evil for the sake of the good.

It is doing the HARD, RIGHT thing — even though it is HARD, because it is RIGHT.

Courage cannot act alone — it must be based on truth (Prudence) and Justice in discerning the right course of action.

Sometimes the situation calls for endurance — sticking to the plan, enduring suffering, being patient.

Other times, the situation calls for attack — getting out of the comfort zone, removing a roadblock, making a new plan, taking new territory.

Temperance

Temperance is the virtue — the habit of soul — by which we bring order to our inner life of drives, passions, and emotions.

All of these things are created by God and fundamentally good. But as a result of sin, our passions are disordered and disconnected from reality.

Temperance often begins with "tempering" — restraining and disciplining our passions/drive for food, drink, sex, social status, etc.

But it doesn't end there.

We temper these in order to reorder and redirect them toward the ends that God created them for

Food —> Nourishment, celebration

Drink —> Hydration, merriment

Sex —> Bonding and Babies in a Married relationship

etc.

As with Courage, Temperance cannot act alone — it must begin with Prudence and Justice — that is, with seeking truth, making intentional/rational decisions, and beginning to conform one's drives/desires to the reality of the relationships and roles God calls you to.

“Never smoke your pipe while you are praying, but always pray while you smoke your pipe”

This old bit of spiritual guidance sounds paradoxical, but it contains profound wisdom.

You MUST set aside time for prayer — time that is guarded and dedicated solely to being in the presence of and conversing with God.

This time must, in a sense, be a sacrifice.

It can’t be multitasking.

It is not a means but an end in itself.

This is “Sabbath time”.

It is in this kind of prayer time that you learn to be in the presence of God — and that your heart and priorities get reoriented.

As you grow in this sort of prayer and practice of the presence of God, you are empowered to better carry this awareness into other activities — work and leisure both.

Hence everything can and should be drawn up into prayer.

BUT it begins by taking/making dedicated time for God alone.

So, don’t smoke, drive, work, fidget, or do anything during your dedicated times of prayer. Try to draw together your whole being — body, mind, and spirit — to be with God.

And then strive to carry this presence back with you into every moment and activity,

The general examination implies defence. The particular, attack. The first is your armour. The second, your sword.

— 'The Way' of Josemaría Escrivá.

In this brief but powerful aphorism, St. Josemaría details two interconnected and powerful spiritual practices that should be part of every man’s Rule of Life.

The first, the “General Examination” or “Examination of Conscience” most of us are probably more familiar with. A General Examen/Examination of Conscience is performed as a preparation for the Sacrament of Reconciliation/Confession. However, it really is something that should occur daily, preferably in the evening as part of your Night Prayers.

In the General Examen, you take time to survey your day or whatever the past interval of time since your last examen, and the goal is to accurately and courageously evaluate what has occurred — both positive and negative. I think beginning with the positive is actually important — gratitude for good things that have occurred, blessings, wins — because this starts us from a place of trust in God and love for Him.

We would then turn, however, to consider what sins we have committed that need to be brought to God for repentance. Here too, we must be careful to strive for true repentance, while not getting dragged into discouragement or despair over our sins — which are really just pride, self-reliance, and sloth.

The general examen is moment of victory: we are bringing our sins before God in order 1) to repent and receive mercy, forgiveness, and grace, and 2) to LEARN from our sins so that we can grow. As part of this process, we should be reflecting on our motives, our wounds, the circumstances and situations that led up to our sins. What were those seemingly insignificant moments of freedom that we missed that paved the way for these sins?

We can turn sins and even our worst days into victory — BY GOD’S GRACE — if we choose to look at them, repent, learn, and prepare for the next battle.

The Particular Examen, then, as Escriva notes, is an extension of the General Examen, and it puts us even more in this posture of playing “Offense” rather then just “Defense”. Whereas the General Examen is mostly reflection after the fact, in the Particular examen we pick ONE vice to work on breaking and/or ONE virtue to work on building, and we find proactive ways to check in and monitor throughout the day.

Thus, for example, if someone is working on staying off social media and doing more reading instead OR perhaps praying a Hail Mary every time they are tempted to Lust, they might write down this intention and set phone reminders 5 times throughout the day to pause, check-in on the habit, make whatever tweaks are needed, and then continue onward.

The idea is to bring greater awareness and intentionality to ONE habit in order to make/break it and thus “take new territory” — proactively playing “offense” along with the “defense” of the daily examen and repentance.

Do you currently practice the general and/or particular examen?

If not, consider working these into your daily routine. As with everything, start smaller than you think you need to — just commit to a few minutes for the General Examen before bed and start your Particular Examen with some very minor habit to make or break. Once you’ve established the routine and increased your daily awareness, you can always build on this foundation and increase the time/intensity.

And as always, talk to one of your brothers and get accountable for the habits you are working on right now.

Good Morning Gentlemen,

I have been thinking a lot lately about habit-building and habit-breaking. In particular, it has struck me in a new way just how important the now-cliched “baby steps” really are.

I have spent years, of course, hearing the rhetoric from books, coaches, commentators, saints, and the Gospels themselves about the “small thing” — the “widow’s mite”, the “Mustard seed”, the “Little way”.

These always struck me — in my Pride — as meaning: “You may have to start small to get started…BUT bigger is better”.

But more and more I’m realizing that starting small is perhaps the only way forward.

So many of the “big” things we do, we do for a variety of internal reasons and motivations. Sure, there is “love” in there somewhere, but there is also pride, vanity, fear of the consequences of failure, and love of accomplishment.

Just because there is this “impurity” in our hearts is no reason for us to fail to accomplish our “big” duties and responsibilities. BUT, perhaps one of the implications is that it is not the “big” things, but rather the “small” things that change us and make us grow. Why? Because perhaps it is only the “small” things that we are capable of doing more purely out of LOVE.

The little things. The hidden things. The humble things. The things that we really couldn’t see ourselves bragging about because they are just not that impressive!

But perhaps these are the things that provide us the opportunity to exert our wills more purely toward love of God and neighbor. And of course, if this is the motive, then there are no “small” things in reality.

I think this spiritual truth spills over and harmonizes with certain psychological and biological truths. Starting “small” is, I think, necessary for building the most important “habits of soul” — the virtues that make us more like Jesus.

But what do we find? Starting small turns out to be what is most effective for building bodily and mental habits as well.

Starting MUCH smaller than you think necessary when building new habits, allows for the following:

— No zeros: Starting small allows you to focus on consistency and the foundational habitual framework that you can build upon later. Something is 100% more than nothing.

— Learning to the Love the Process: learning to enjoy and look forward to the habit itself, rather than than the goal, reward, or checkbox, makes for habits that stick. In focusing on the process, the neuro-chemical “reward” gets associated with the “doing” rather than only with the “having done”. This is the recipe for habits you will be able to perform on your best as well as your worst days.

— Finding Minimum Effective Dose: the goal of building good habits is to make your life, simpler and better, not busier and more cluttered. Often, be effective dose that will yield 80% of the fruit, is much smaller than you think.

— Building Habits of Soul: Once again, by starting small even with body and mental habits, you have the space to focus also on the dispositions of heart with which you perform your habits — humility, trust, love, presence. The goal is ultimately to “stack” habits of body, mind, and soul — so that what you do every day is helping you grow in the deepest and most important ways.

So, when you are building — or perhaps even rebuilding — good habits, start small and focus on the process.

Do you need to lose some weight? Consider:

• Weighing in every single day

• Logging your food (only, don’t worry about targets)

• Walking 2-3k extra steps

• Doing 2-3 sets of calisthenics

Do you need to start (or restart) praying:

• Kneel and say one Our Father every morning (slowly, purposefully)

• Set at 12PM alarm to pray the Angelus

• Pray Compline (~3-5 minutes)

• Pray 1 decade of the Rosary daily

Do you need to improve your family relationships?

• 1 unprompted compliment/affirmation every day

• Practice speaking in full sentences and making eye contact

• Plan 1 small activity (quick walk, prayer, game) and invite (don’t pressure) family to participate.

Do you need to get more productive? Creative?

• Commit to 20, 10, or even just 5 minutes of focusing on a project you’ve been dreading first thing in the morning at work.

• Commit to reading just a page or two of a relevant book daily

• Set a 5 minute timer and just free-write every day to get/keep yourself out of writer’s block

• Go for a 10 minute walk and just brainstorm/problem-solve

The lists could go on and I’m sure you can add your own.

Again, the points are these:

• Humble yourself

• Start small — much smaller than you’d prefer

• Focus on consistency and “not putting up zeros”

• Learn to LOVE the process, the habit itself — so that you can follow through even on bad days

• Recognize that once a baseline habit is firmly established, you’re even MORE free then to add to or build upon it.

• Finally, by starting small and simply, you can focus on performing habits in a right spirit and with Faith, Hope, and Charity.

God be with you today brother. 🙏 💪

+AMDG+

I run a digital men’s community by the same name as this substack: Building Catholic Men.

Our patron is my PFP: Blessed Pier Giorgio Frassati.

The fraternity is a group of 20 Catholic men committed to daily prayer, growth in virtue, and becoming better husbands, fathers, and priests.

Men were designed by God to be fathers, builders, defenders, and leaders. But to continue growing in virtue and spiritual maturity, we need encouragement, accountability, and challenge from our brothers in the faith.

The Fraternity brothers come together to pray, share your goals and build new habits, give and receive challenge and accountability, study and seek truth together — and to help each other as brothers to keep our eyes on the cross and to persevere in following and imitating Jesus.

Here's how the fraternity can help you GROW.

1. Daily Encouragement and Accountability

Daily discussion and encouragement through a dedicated Slack channel for the journey of prayer, virtue, and vocation.

Take a break from the noise, drama, politics, and instead a focus with your brothers on the true, good, and beautiful — and the missions God is calling you to in your life.

2. Multiple Weekly Group Calls & Discussions

Weekly schedule of 4 whole-fraternity calls to join your brothers for prayer, study, and discussion on our four Pillar Topics:

• Prayer & Virtue

• Marriage & Family

• Work, Finances, & Entrepreneurship

• Health & Fitness

3. Group Challenges

Rally with your brothers to tackle periodic physical, mental, and spiritual challenges programmed to connect with the liturgical seasons of the Church and help you live a more fully engaged Catholic life.

5. Courses & Coaching on Prayer, Virtue, and Vocation

@BldgCatholicMen

leads periodic cohort courses on various topics related to prayer, virtue, and vocation. Recorded videos and discussion calls on key focal points for Catholic husbands and fathers who are striving to grow in holiness and fidelity to the missions God has given them.

6. Book Club & Reading Plan

Participate in an ongoing book club with your brothers to dive deeper into your faith and help you discover and discern your path forward. Annual fraternity reading plan & weekly opportunities to gather via video-call to read, reflect, and discuss.

7. Growing Library of Tools & Resources

Original content, videos, articles, downloads, and tools created by Building Catholic Men. Additionally, you will find collections of recommended and curated prayers, websites, resources for the journey, as well as an archive of topical discussions so that you can glean wisdom and advice from your brothers.

What sort of man do you want to be?

We are looking for faithful Catholic men who are looking to grow in prayer, virtue, and vocation in the context of a fraternity of their brothers.

Men who want to...

🙏 Make Prayer & Sacraments the Foundation

We are looking for brothers who are working to make a relationship with Jesus Christ through prayer & the reception of the sacraments of the Church the concrete foundation of their lives.

🗓️ Build a Rule of Life

We are looking for brothers who are working to develop a consistent and sustainable rule of life that facilitates the commitment to prayer and also builds and maintains radical vocational readiness in all areas of life: prayer, holy study, healthy diet, physical fitness, relationships, and leadership.

💼 Be Faithful and Effective

We are looking for brothers who are discerning their vocation(s) and/or how to live out their vocation(s) more completely. We have been given roles by God that by themselves establish 98% of what the content and direction of our lives should be. We need to be growing in our understanding of our vocations and our fidelity in carrying them out.

⚡️ Set Goals and Keep Growing

Based on their vocations and roles, we are looking for brothers who are regularly reviewing their lives and setting goals for improvement or initiation of something new.

💪 Lean into Fraternity & Accountability

We are looking for brothers who want to share and discuss their goals, and who want to give and receive mutual challenge, accountability, and encouragement.

We are looking for a band of brothers who wish to make this journey together.

🕯️ Pursue Holiness. Be a Saint

Finally, we are looking for brothers who are committed to Christ and His Church and to pursing the perfection of charity to which they have been called by God. We are not here to engage in idle chatter about the state of the Catholic Church or ecclesial drama. These are distractions. We are here to live out our Catholicism faithfully and to strive for sainthood.

If this describes you, you belong in the Building Catholic Men digital fraternity.

Send me a note and let’s talk. God be with you today brother!

Email or DM:

buildingcatholicmen@gmail.com