And still, living in a society that doesn’t reward women for being ambitious, proactive and willing to go the extra mile is tough. Lately I’ve been inspired by a new generation of women who want to do things differently. Who are not waiting for permission to do anything. Who are loud and ambitious. Who are asking for more money, power and claiming board seat positions in top companies. It’s making me reflect on how my parents raised me and what I think about when it comes to financial independence and freedom. My parents didn’t simply teach me about money; they told and then showed me that women become financially powerful when they are raised to believe their ambition is something to develop, not diminish.

In this issue:

- How my parents set me up with more than just money

- The good girl tax and inheriting labels

- What changes when women expect more

- Marry well, if you choose. But become wealthy either way

- I’m a rich woman raising the rich woman now

How my parents set me up with more than just money

Most people I know never had a conversation about money with their parents, other than maybe ‘don’t spend it all in one place’. I didn’t think my parents were an outlier until I got out of university and people were confused that I was thinking about investing.

I was around 13 when I told my dad I wanted to become a banker. I used to love counting wads of cash and taught I’d enjoy anything to do with being around money. Go figure. I remember him sitting me down to explain that bankers actually don’t count money, but that it was a very good profession. He said it paid well and so it would afford me a good lifestyle for myself if that was where I ended up.

Around that time I was also interested in fashion design and thought I might like to study that at university. He told me the industry then was still too young to acknowledge the worth of someone who designed clothes. In other words, it didn’t pay well. Still, I thought it sounded like a more fun course than crunching numbers. His compromise: do a fashion design internship, but study accounting & finance. The internship taught me something I wouldn’t have learned otherwise. That skills and effort don’t always equal to added value, and value was extremely subjective in creative industries.

After that internship I got my first paycheque and my mum would sit me down and explain that although I had received the whole money, it wasn’t all mine to keep. She first took out 10% and told me that was called a tithe and we paid to church to honour God. As she gave me back the remaining 90%, she asked me how I planned to spend it and after gleefully listing all the things I wanted to buy, she asked if I wanted her to keep some for me, to be used as my ‘savings’. I declined. She took some anyway and said I’d thank her later. I’ve been thanking her ever since. I was raised to believe I could build security for myself rather than wait for it to arrive through a husband. Agency, more than money, was something I inherited from the actions of my mother and how she built wealth reflected that.

The good girl tax and inheriting labels

Growing up, I noticed that a lot of women were raised to be “not too ambitious“, to watch what they ate, to not draw attention to themselves, to blend in quietly in big rooms and to not ask for an invite if they’ve not been asked to the party.

This good girl narrative is shaped by what we hear in society. The stories we are told by our parents, friends, colleagues and increasingly media. We all know or have one female friend who is brilliant but doesn’t have enough self esteem to believe she can make it big with her dreams. At the same time we also know men who always apply when they’re half qualified for the role, then get it, and negotiate their salary like they’re being recruited for the top boss position.

I keep thinking about how society raises girls to marry the rich man, instead of becoming rich themselves. This is often because of labels girls have been dressed up with from the moment their personality becomes to take shape.

If a woman has a strong sense of self and drive she’s labelled as ‘too bossy and full of her self’. When a man has a strong sense of self and drive he is simply known as being driven. But in the words of Oprah, please be full of yourself. Who else is going to be full of you?!

If a woman thinks carefully about her decisions, instead of being known to be meticulous and strategic as a man would be called, she’s labelled ‘calculated and too picky/demanding’.

If she asks for more, she is seen as ‘doing too much or being very ambitious’. A man would be called decisive and a go getter.

Our society rarely praises the woman who is ‘doing too much’ or ‘being very ambitious’. Even if we clap for them privately, we hide our hands publicly. These labels cost women a lot in salary negotiation, promotions, and even their ability to create wealth for themselves. The decision a woman makes when she’s deciding if to ask for more money comes down to if she thinks or has been taught that if she asks she won’t either get it, and so to not bother, or she’ll be seen as being too demanding. The good girl is often praised for being agreeable, understanding and grateful, but those same qualities can stop her from negotiating, investing, taking risks or putting herself forward.

Even when a woman is raised to be ambitious, she still has to practice that ambition in a society that doesn’t always reward it.

What changes when women expect more

I remember telling a male colleague I wanted to buy a property and he said “why? You’re so young”. I told another female colleague and she gave me her boyfriend’s number who was a mortgage broker. 10 years ago that probably won’t have happened. I’m glad the tides are turning.

When women expect more, their expectations aren’t always met positively - by both women and men. Some women still think it’s taboo to talk about money, or don’t believe that women need to know about their mortgages and bills even if it is covered by their husbands. In the same way, some men also think a woman’s career is inferior to theirs and that they should be the one managing where all the money goes in the relationship. Both views keep women stagnant and stop them from expecting more.

When women expect more, they rise up to fill those gaps. They ask for information, introduce themselves to people and often bring up other women behind them. It’s important that as women we are not simply applauding ambition from a distance but intentionally helping each other turn it into something tangible.

Marry well, if you choose. But become wealthy either way

You can want a brilliant, ambitious, and financially secure partner while becoming those things yourself. I have always been team: love and independence, partnership and ownership, marriage wealth and personal wealth. And wealth isn’t only in the numbers. One of the ways I’m wealthy is in love. Whatever happened externally, my parents always let me know and showed me that I had an abundance of wealth at home. They were full of love not just for us but for their wider communities. They kept the same friends, had the same routines, and consistently invested in themselves, their friends, their hobbies, but also in financial assets.

They poured out love for me and my brothers so that we knew that we lacked nothing.

QUOTE: I wasn’t raised to believe that marrying a rich man would change my life. I was raised to believe I had the power to change it myself. And now, I’m raising my daughter to know the same.

If you are choosing to get married, your partner cannot be your financial plan. Even if you’re a stay-at-home-mum, it’s important you create wealth for yourself and have assets in your name. A good man leaves an inheritance for his children’s children. You are building wealth not just for yourself, but at least 3 generations. And not just in money. In reputation, connections and your network, goodwill and more.

I’m a rich woman raising the rich woman now

My parents gave me room and permission to become. Yes they taught me a lot, but they also let me figure out a lot for myself.

Although I had no complaints from my teachers, I was never impressed with my grades because I was always a straight B student. Just Below an A, I would say whenever I got my result. It’ll be 7Bs and maybe 1 or 2 As.

But I would get home to a loud applause. Even though I wasn’t impressed with my results, my parents were. Sure, I could always get the A the next semester, but my parents celebrated me in the here and now. They showed me that it was important to celebrate the big and small things even whilst working towards even bigger things. They showed me that being rich in experiences and even being a jack of all trades was important and valuable. They didn’t withhold celebration until I became exceptional by some external standard. They celebrated every version of myself.

When I bought a property they weren’t any more thrilled or excited than when I got a first class at university. They always knew I had it in me and through their guidance and wisdom I could do anything. I now get to teach my daughter the same. That confidence is often built in small rooms long before a woman is expected to display it in big ones.

That being rich or wanting a big life doesn’t make her too ambitious.

Being financially secure is not something to be outsourced to a job, partner or anyone else.

That she can love, marry and build alongside someone without making marriage her financial plan.

That her voice, standards and ambition are creating rich experiences for her, and are not character flaws.

And finally, that wealth means more than money. But money still matters.

Whether you’re currently a parent or not (yet), how are you thinking about raising your kids in this generation?

So here’s what’s been on my mind this week. This is a new shorter check in, or what I’m calling the 4-1-1 on “both, actually”. The concept of both, actually is basically living a life where you don’t need to choose between building something for your future or enjoying your present.

4 IDEAS

I. ON WORK

Every “yes” comes with an invisible “no.”

Being in the room for an exciting opportunity might mean missing bedtime at home. Choosing family might mean passing on a room that could change your career.

There isn’t always a perfectly balanced choice. Just the choice that matters most in that season.

II. ON AI

AI doesn’t give you more hours. It gives you back the hours you were spending on things that never really mattered much, or needed you as much you thought.

I’m not interested in using it simply to do more, which is easy to do. Feed it 1 and gives you 10. I can already see the slippery slope of the level of consumption we’re now exposed to. But I’m still a fan, and I want to use it to be more present for the parts of my work and my life that only I can do.

III. ON MOTHERHOOD

Becoming a mum didn’t make me less ambitious. It made me less interested in spending my ambition on things I don’t actually want, including careers, opportunities and even friends that are not aligned.

And turning 30 is making that ambition feel more urgent.

The constraints I now have didn’t take my drive. They aimed it on the right things.

IV. ON MONEY

“Having it all” was never about doing everything at once.

Real wealth to me is being able to buy back the moments you most want to be in the room for, and being honest with yourself about which rooms those actually are.

A quote from Shonda Rhimes I’ve been thinking about.. let me know your thoughts. Agree or disagree?

“Whenever you see me somewhere succeeding in one area of my life, that almost certainly means I am failing in another area of my life.”

And one from me:

“If you do not like your life, take one small thing you can change tomorrow, and let that become the first step to transforming your life.”

1 EXPERIMENT

I’ve been letting AI be my personal assistant across work tasks and personal tasks. I used my AI assistant to build my whole birthday itinerary, complete with sending emails out to chefs, villa options and putting it all in a beautifully designed PDF. It’s been life changing.

It’s already buying back my time slowly from things that would’ve taken me days to now being done in a few hours.

1 QUESTION

If AI gave you back five hours this week, what would you spend it on?

See you next week,

Bukiie

Both, Actually is a manifesto for women who want more than one thing. I deeply believe that you don’t have to choose between building a life and enjoying one. If you enjoyed this, share it with a friend or comment to let me know what resonates with you.

More recently I’ve started to ask, but rich in what?

For me, it’s never just been money.

I want to earn well. I want to invest, build wealth and eventually have enough freedom that money gives me more choices.

But when I think about the life I actually want, there’s a lot more in it.

I want to be rich in experiences. I want years and years of good memories with my friends and family. I want to enjoy the work I do and feel like I’m contributing something useful. I want to travel. Learn. Have things that excite me outside of my job.

And yes, I would also like to make a lot of money.

I’ve realised I’m happiest when even just some of those things are going well at the same time.

I call it my fulfilment quotient.

Some weeks it will be high because work is filling me up. Other weeks I might barely think about work because I’m travelling or spending time with people I love.

I don’t think every week needs to be big for it to count.

So I thought I’d start documenting what building my version of a rich life looks like in practice.

Here’s report 001.

1. A meaningful work win

We were offered one speaking slot as part of our sponsorship for an upcoming tech week which we quickly filled with a chair role for a panel.

However an account manager reached out asking if his customer could also get a speaking slot as part of our package. I wasn’t sure this was possible as but the customer had a strong profile. I pitched him anyway. They said yes. Now we get to amplify that customers voice, and have him tell his story on a big stage. Lesson 1: ask anyway. the worst that can be said is no.

This day reminded me how often we decide something isn’t possible before we’ve even asked.

2. Rich in experiences

I was invited to dinner with a new travel brand, FridayAway, and their finance partner YouSend.

There were 24 women around the table working across cybersecurity, finance, law, PR, tech but who had so many interesting things about themselves outside of work.

Some were creators. Some were building personal brands. Some just really loved travelling and were looking to connect with other people who did.

We had an incredible three-course meal, talked about travel and money, (two of my favourite subjects!) and got to laugh a lot over girl dinner.

I left thinking about how much I value having an identity outside of work.

I love the job I have now. Probably more now than I have at any other point in the last ten years.

But I still don’t want my job title to be the most interesting thing about me.

I like having other things that belong to me.

Content is one of them. Writing (again) is becoming another. Travel. Money. The things I’m building on the side simply because I’m curious to see where they go.

I think life is more interesting when you give yourself permission to care deeply about more than one thing.

3. Rich in friendships

There are very few things I look forward to more during a work week than seeing a friend.

There are also very few things that are easier to push down the list.

Work gets busy. There is always life admin. Evenings are usually protected family time. Sometimes everyone is just tired.

One of my long-distance friends was in town this past week, but my euro summer travel has been back to back since July. After nearly one hour call we committed to finding some time to see. Didn’t matter how long for, we just wanted to catch up in person.

I’m really glad we did.

I’m in a season where I care less about having a huge friendship circle and much more about going deep with the people already in mine.

That takes a lot of (often hard) work.

Friendships are sacrificial and many times can be inconvenient. Sometimes someone has to travel further, or move things around. Sometimes you have to show up when staying home would be easier.

I don’t always get it right either.

But I want to keep making space for those relationships because when I think about the life I want to look back on one day, my friends are a huge part of it.

4. Making more without just doing more

I am thick in motherhood and still loving it! I now have an active one-year-old toddler who keeps me very busy.

I also have a full-time job, content, brand work and a growing number of things I’d still like to do. Where I find the time I don’t know, but I have to live up to the full potential God has gifted me!

For a long time my answer to wanting more was basically to squeeze more into the day.

I’m starting to accept that this can’t be the strategy forever. I like to work hard. But I do not like burn out. I also like to sleep, a lot. (As much as one can with a toddler attached to her nearly every day).

So I’ve been experimenting quite a lot with AI.

I’ve built a little setup around myself that helps with content planning, keeping track of brand opportunities, managing my work, home and life calendar and priorities, and then a chief-of-staff layer that helps me pull everything together.

Some days I’m very organised. Other days there are approximately 47 tabs open in my head and I have no idea which one is making the noise.

I’m still figuring out what I should automate, what I should keep doing myself and what isn’t worth doing at all.

But I like the direction that I’m leaning into.

I don’t want ambition to always cost me more time. Especially not with my daughter and my family.

There will be seasons where I need to work harder, especially while I’m trying to build new income streams and grow the things I care about. I’m in that season now (again). And I’m okay with that.

I just don’t want “work more hours” to be my only answer to “how can I make more money?”

Because financial freedom, for me, eventually comes back to time.

I want the choice to work because I enjoy what I’m doing, not because I can’t afford to stop.

I want time with my family without mentally calculating what I should be doing instead, or how many other things around the house needs doing.

I want to travel as often as I want to. And in the way I want to. Because there’s travel and there’s travel.

I want room to create things just because I want to.

And I want to be able to help the people I love.

That’s probably why I’ve become so interested in this idea of a rich life in the first place.

This week wasn’t extraordinary.

There was no huge announcement. No big financial milestone. Nothing that dramatically changed my life.

I did some work I was proud of. I had a lovely dinner with interesting women. I saw a friend I don’t get to see enough. And I spent some time trying to make the life I’m already living work a little better.

For me my happiness quotient was pretty high. That’s a good enough report for week one. I’m not waiting to reach a destination to feel rich and fulfilled in my life. I’m taking the little pockets of financial freedom I find myself enjoying and savouring it.

What’s on yours?

A few weeks before my daughter was born if you asked me how I was feeling I would have said “great! Excited to meet her!”. And I was.

That wasn’t the whole story. But a deeper answer would have meant to bare my soul as freely as I felt it.

The truth was I was in between two worlds — this new season I was entering, motherhood — and then my daily reality of loss, life without my own mother.

For several months after her passing, I remember feeling like I was dangling between two worlds: one that I deeply loved where my mother existed, and one I was forced to have, one where she no longer existed.

And so having my daughter, a first born girl, nearly 3 and a half years from my mother’s passing was a dichotomy of love and loss. Without this new life that my daughter brought, I was content to never be as happy as I was when my mum was here. I felt like my happiness quotient would never get to the peak of where it was when I considered my life full because my mother was in my world.

Many days I would oscillate between feeling numb in my pain, unable to voice it fully because there wasn’t any language enough to capture the feeling. And then on the other side of things I would cry multiple times a day. Walking to the grocery store. During my lunch break. On my way to work. In church. After getting off the phone with a friend. Listening to a song. It didn’t matter if anything happy, sad or exciting happened that day, I was simply morose and bereft in my grief.

My daughter’s arrival changed a lot but also not a lot. I felt immense joy and gratitude for her. My whole pregnancy and birth was a love story. One of those surreal ones that you tell again and again and it still leaves you in awe. Anyone who knows me or has heard me talk about my journey would know that I loved and enjoyed being pregnant. It was a fantastic experience all the way through birth and post partum. And I continue to enjoy it deeply. God has been so kind to me.

And then here comes the duality of life: holding love in the same place as sadness. Sorrow and joy. I would have the best cuddles with my daughter at 6am and then go to shower and weep in the bathroom because my mum wasn’t here to see me enjoy motherhood. It was such a strange feeling that I could never quite share out loud because I didn’t think anyone would get it.

But I stayed in that place for most of my daughter’s first year. Quietly grieving inside, but on the outside all everyone saw was that I was having a wonderful time being a new mum. I wish I could have spoken up more about the grief side of things but it was always too heavy. Even when I tried to communicate it to my husband I always had a lump in my throat. Like if I started talking, everything would spill out and it’d be too much.

After many years of therapy I now know that isn’t true. And to not believe every emotion as is, because emotions are complex and nuanced and don’t always tell us the whole story.

Truth was, I was just trying to survive my first year of motherhood. I didn’t expect to fall in love with it the way I did. I expected to float into happiness every now and again but thought that sorrow is where I would end up at the end of my days most times. I didn’t think I’d be fully able to say “I love my life.” It felt like saying that would be like saying it was okay for my mum not to be here.

And it’s not, and probably would never be.

But that is now okay.

The loss and pain I felt wouldn’t always be as acute or sharp; sometimes it would simply be quiet and calm. Not throwing me off my feet for several hours or days.

I am in a really good place in my life. One where I can say confidently that I love my life and that nothing is missing. Which as you now know is partly true and partly false. But it doesn’t take away from the sentiment anyway.

I have to be as loud with my joy as I was with my grief. Not for my daughter’s sake, but for mine.

It’s taken me such a long time to get here, and some days still are hard. But for the first time in such a long time, joy has found me again. And I am now fully giving into it.

There’s a guilt that weighs you down when you are happy during the grief process. It feels cynical and almost pretentious. Like someone winking at you when you know you’re not telling the truth or the whole truth. And although that guilt hasn’t left me completely, it is much lighter and sometimes I barely notice it.

Right here, right now in this place where I feel light and happy and seen and loved, I am simply content with my life. I have deep gratitude that God will make my joy full again. And no surprise then that one of the meanings of my daughter’s names means ‘I see joy’.

And I do.

Every single day, whether in big things like when my family all gather around and we are belly laughing so much our jaws hurt, or in the days that zoom by and you barely remember what happened but it ends with my daughter saying ‘I love you mummy’.

II — Living inside answered prayers

God has brought joy once again. And not just even in my daughter’s existence alone.

I’ve found it in my new job which I only started when I returned from mat leave. I was a little nervous starting two new roles, one as a new employee in a new team, and another as a working mum. Both different than anything I’d done before. Nevertheless I had a sense that I was going to really like and thrive here.

Within my first couple of weeks, there was a level of peace and fulfilment that made me know that I was exactly where I was supposed to be. The place in my career I had been praying for. The kind of work I do on a day to day basis fulfils me, but also my team, and the culture… all of it feels like a long awaited answered prayer.

I’ve prayed about the life I live now for 10 years.

At exactly 20, I was new to the corporate world and had such high hopes of what that would mean for me. I had a vision of what my ideal life would look at 30 (note, not a perfect one as nothing ever is).

I had a husband who I loved and adored me, I thought I’d have a kid or two, a career I was a leader in and enjoyed very much, a home I owned and loved being in, and doing something for my community or the public where I served with my gifts and talents. I’d be able to travel as and when I wanted to, be able to spend quality time often with my family and friends and be the kind of person people loved to be around - someone who listens, cares deeply, provides useful advice, and is present.

At 30, nearly all of that is true.

It is humbling.

As I end this letter, I have left a home my husband and I own and love. I am on a cruise with nearly all of my husband’s extended family. My daughter is sound asleep on our bed. My view is of the ocean as we are sailing away towards Malta, Turkey and Greece.

I am in awe that this is my life.

Even though I’ve prayed about it for such a long time and held the vision of it for even longer, now that I am here, I am in awe.

Interestingly I don’t get the sense that I have ‘arrived’ anywhere as I thought I might feel at 20. Instead I feel even more ambitious and bullish about my future. I see that there is even much more in store for me.

And not because I don’t have enough, but because I have exactly that: enough.

I don’t need to add anything but there is still so much more of myself I want to get to know and explore, and I want to share with the world.

III — The urgency to live

And maybe that is what loss has taught me about life too. How quickly a life can become a memory. How much can change without your permission. And so there is an urgency I feel now to actually live mine.

Not an urgency to rush through it, or constantly chase the next thing. But an urgency to notice it. To enjoy it. To love people loudly. To recognise when I am living inside the very things I once prayed for.

I have so much love to give.

But I also know now that having a lot of love to give doesn’t mean giving it without discernment. I learned that lesson painfully in friendship this past year. I poured out so much love only to be given crumbs and at the end of the day I chose to walk away from that friendship. It took a lot of talking through and unraveling to get to a place where I have a better understanding of how to protect myself even when I have a lot to give.

I have a daughter that will model after me first. Before the world defines what love is, I get to show it to her up close. How I love and protect myself fiercely will be the first act she sees. How her dad loves me will follow. And how we extend all the love at home to others will be her blueprint.

In Chapter 30, I can say that I am bolder and wiser. Even as I get to know more of myself, I am already so happy and proud of the woman that I am now. I am sure that my mum is looking down at me, as happy as she could be, at me.

Nothing missing. Nothing broken. Everything complete.

As life evolves, and people, careers and friendships change, I know for sure that God never changes. He is always on my side. He has a vested interest in my wellbeing and He truly delights in the pleasure of His servant. I hope to make Him proud.

So what’s ‘next’ for me in this new chapter?

Well, that’s to find out isn’t it?

Right now I’m in a season of building and enjoying my rich life — not rushing to the next destination. I don’t see enough people sharing when they’re just enjoying life whilst still building.

My rich life includes being rich in experiences, having memories with friends, being fulfilled at work and contributing positively to society. Oh, and making money.

So come with me, will you?

If this letter resonated with you, share it with someone you think should read/listen to it.

For my birthday, I would love to share a prayer with you:

May God show you the fullness of the plans He has for you in His own time.
May you walk in answered prayers and know it.
May your lips always find something to be grateful for.
May you find contentment and joy for the life you live.
May God be proud of you.

With all my love and gratitude,
B xxx

I’ve spent a lot of time in my twenties reading all the self help books. I’ve followed all the advice. Done all the things they said I should do. I took the narrow but high road. Did the hard and scary things. All the things I was supposed to do — start a business, get a property, get married, build a personal brand, get the nice job and a promotion, make good money, have a kid, try your hand at this that and the other. When I tell you I have lived many lives in just this one decade?!

And then roundabout between losing my mum and having a baby (so the past 2.5 years), I decided it was enough. What was the point of building all of this when life could deal you a blow that you don’t even have it in you to fight back? When it could all get stripped and taken away? I tell myself every so often because I forget it every so often but I am a human being not a human doing. I am not a project to be marked as done. I am not a book you can select and tick as read. There are too many layers to categorise into one personal brand. Too many interests, too many intersections of things I know, love, want, and like to choose a niche. And as someone who has been (and is still) very money motivated, AND believes in God — sometimes the lines get blurry. I believe in privacy but also being free and authentic. I believe in sharing but not oversharing. So very often, especially with my work on social media now, I ask myself - Am I doing this because it feels like I’m called to it or because there’s a money making opportunity here? Is this purpose or am I hoping to go viral and become a millionaire? Is this authentic because it actually is, or because it looks like it will be?

This autumn, I’m telling you as much as I’m telling myself — pick a project that isn’t you. Take yourself off the “to-do list” and remember that you are a human being. Remind yourself of the actual things that bring you true pure and unfiltered joy and happiness. Not fleeting likes and engagement. Not wanting to do the next big thing because everyone around is doing it. Not just jumping on trends because you think this might be when you get to catch a break. But away from the FOMO and anxiety that you enrol yourself into every time you open a social media app. Away from the false sense of urgency or feeling overwhelmed and behind, the comparison and selfishness. Rid yourself from the desire and pride to be more, be better, be seen to be better and doing more. Come back to your roots. Your child-like self that loves puzzles, and playing in the park and running around on your bicycle with the neighbours. Come back to the belly laughs where your cheeks ache with joy from spending time with people who truly know you. Come back to that version of yourself you always saw when you looked in the mirror before the world had its own label for who and what you should be. Come back to the real you. The one you know and really like, even on days you don’t feel the love.

Whenever I get to a point when I start to compare myself to others, when I start to lose my sense of identity a little, or even panic because no matter how full my life is, I think a little more of *this* or *that* would make it just that bit better — when I get to that point, it’s time to turn off devices and look inwards. It’s often a sign that I’ve been looking at other peoples lives too much and not enough in my own mirror. That I’ve been consuming too much that it’s entering and corrupting the manufacturers original setting for me.

Have you ever wanted to “fix” something only to get frustrated when it doesn’t turn out to be what you thought so you just end up hitting “reset to default setting.” That’s what I think we all could use a little (or a lot) more of this autumn. There’s so much propaganda on social media about becoming the best version of ourselves and this journey to becoming that apparently never has a destination so we think there’s always more we can do. (Hey, I’m just as guilty of propagating this too.) The issue however is that when we focus so much on the journey and this notion that there’s always more (which in many ways can be good as it keeps a healthy dose of hope and ambition alive) — it can also strip us away from the present reality. It can cause us to be ungrateful for how far we’ve come. Because we rarely ever take breaks or stop and look back, we’ve quickly become hamsters on a wheel. We’re chasing the next and the next next, asking ourselves “when will it be my turn?”. Whether that’s a relationship, a job, a home, a business, a baby, or really anything else on your list of “things I wish I had by *insert age*”. We’re like donkeys chasing carrots. When we get one thing ticked off, i.e. the new job, we’re looking for the next “ok the relationship has to follow suit soon”. And yes, these are all good things that we all desire. Nothing wrong with your desire. But have you asked yourself lately if you’ve even thanked God for all the things on your list you’ve ticked off?

For some reason (let’s call it comparison) recently I’ve found myself being a little less than grateful in some things. It feels like I’m on the cusp of something but not quite there yet. And it’s a frustrating little place to be. Like when you’re caught between a hard place and a rock. And yet the only way out is through. But even in my frustration and selfish comparison, and sulking like a kid, I can still see God at work. When you’re up and things are going great it’s very easy to credit God and say that Gods favour is upon you. Maybe you’re even proud of yourself because you think all your recent prayers have finally been answered. But then when life throws you a bad hand, you attribute it to mean you haven’t been praying as much. And therefore God must not be happy with you. Either that or your enemies are coming for you. Oddly enough this is when we tend to initially run away from God out of spite and annoyance, before realising that there’s no one else to run to really, and so you come back to Him.

But the more I read my Bible lately, the more I’m seeing Gods heart for us. I’ve been reading the old and new testament and all through the verses — even the gut wrenching tough parts to read in the OT, the underlying thread is Gods love. God wanting to be close to us. God wanting to be involved with even the mundane and minute things. God wanting us all for Himself. And time and time again we treat Him like a genie. Only calling on Him when it’s convenient and things are getting tough for us. The self help books are great but they don’t replace Gods word. The life coaches and advisors are brilliant but their advice doesn’t take away the place of the Holy Spirit.

This autumn I’m challenging you to return your roots — pure unadulterated child like roots. Where nothing was missing and everything you needed you had. Yes I know life gets tough. I know you still have some unresolved trauma and issues from your past. Who doesn’t?! But God is still after your heart, as He has been from the beginning. He accepts you as you are so why don’t you accept yourself as you are? Jesus didn’t really have a career, wasn’t married and got betrayed by friends severally. And yet God found Him faithful. If you look at His life would you choose it for yourself? Would you deem it successful enough for you? Would that be a calling you’d volunteer to take on? And yet in the greatest love story ever told, it is always Jesus that leaves the 99 for the 1. Always Jesus putting Himself on the line for others. He could’ve decided to “fix” some things about Himself — get a wife, a good job, some kids, live in a nice great big home and have as many friends as possible. And yet He chose humility and compassion for others above everything else— till the very end.

I hope this gives you some perspective. Let me know if it does and share it with someone who really needs to hear it.

Love,

Bukiie

If you’d like to support my work, consider purchasing any of my resources that’ll also greatly benefit you here.

Ultimately, ADAYA House made too little money to cover its overhead costs each month, and I was running out of cash. (Notice I said the brand, not me. Very key!) I tried to raise money, but I got into a chicken-and-egg situation where investors wanted me to spend and invest more money to make certain numbers, but I needed them to give me money to see those results. The business closed in 2022. Roughly 26 months from the idea.

Some lessons I learnt during and after that period:

1. Customers first. Product next. Talk to your target audience often. Ask them for feedback and ideas. By involving them in the process, they’re inherently buying into you and the idea. It almost becomes a co-ownership of the product. By building the community first, you actually have people to make those initial sales, and also be your first marketing tool via word-of-mouth/testimonials.

2. Launch quickly. Put the first draft out there. Then iterate. Do this within 12 weeks.

3. Spend a little but focus on making money. As early as possible, try and make money. Run events, workshops, offer guides, and take pre-orders. Money in hand is always better than potential money in the bank that you cannot have. Or as the phrase goes- “a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush," meaning that a small, guaranteed advantage is more valuable than the possibility of a larger, uncertain one.

4. Talk and don’t stop talking about what you’re building. It will attract people but also give people context and some affiliation to what they’re buying. Some people call that sales and marketing. Your voice is a tool - use it.

5. Ask for (free) help first before considering paying someone. Ask for volunteers to help you do marketing, sales, customer service, web development, graphics design, product development, etc. Ask family & friends. Sometimes, keen university students or people looking to improve their resume will offer their expertise for free. Take these up before hiring. And if you must hire, contractors or freelancers first and always before full-time employees. Also usually a bonus if you can get a co-founder in a separate deep expertise area than you.

Going through that experience taught me so much about business, but much more about myself. I quickly saw what I was good at, what I wasn’t so good at, and where I benefited the most with help. It was a real-life experience of building a business, and then eventually closing it down. Although I wouldn’t say the business failed (just prefer calling it ‘lessons’ lol), it was a lesson for me on the importance of launching rough drafts and failing fast. I could and should have launched within the first 3 months. It won’t have been a great product, but I’d have started learning much earlier than delaying my real-time learning to nearly 12 months. I could’ve pivoted or reduced my spend. And I definitely would’ve gained useful feedback early from customers.

I don’t know anyone who goes into anything thinking it would fail. Because as you think, so you become. So if you go into something thinking it’ll fail, it won’t come as a surprise when it actually does. You might shrug - at least you expected it, so it’s less of a shock. But I’m someone who grew up with crazy faith. I watched my parents hit height after height and smash ceilings in their industries. They taught me, but more importantly, showed me what life could look like when you had crazy faith and a crazy work ethic to back up your beliefs. Their journeys weren’t without struggles, and my dad will still tell me new stories of things that happened way back when, and I’m like, “I can’t believe you went through that and still had a smile on your face every night for dinner”. But now as a parent (?!!!) I’m like ‘ah, I see how that’s possible’. The joy of your child overrides your own struggle or bad day. Their smile that lights up your world, and you forget everything that is not good and sweet. They are like the sun on a cloudy day. I love being a mama. It’s my favourite calling yet.

Being a mum has made me ever so ambitious and focused on all the right things. It puts time as a key priority for me every day. Not just ‘when is her next nap time?’ (Which is very important right now), But more so, ‘what time is it?’ ie, at this time, what am I supposed to be doing? Whether it’s eating, sleeping, or doing laundry, I’m very aware of time now. Which, unsurprisingly, is moving too quickly with my not-so-newborn-anymore daughter. And so, because of this acute awareness of time, a new idea popped up in my head in early August just after my birthday. I’m often reflective around my birthday, and maybe it’s because I turned 29 (!!!), but this time, my reflections turned into action points. I needed to DO something(s). There’s something that happens to everyone who has ever launched a business - I mean, gone full out with the idea into execution - and it didn’t work out quite how you thought. Maybe you ended up quietly closing the business or walking away from it, but that experience really changes you. For a lot of people, it actually discourages them from going after something again. The voice in your head tells you ‘What if this one fails like the last one?’ And so you dismiss idea after idea, running from a possible haunted and harrowing experience. Even though your brain knows that the first (maybe second and third) business or project you do won’t take off or make you a millionaire overnight, your heart still hopes for it. And that hope can really take a back seat when you put out something with all your heart and it doesn’t do well. Failure, as we should know, is part and parcel of the success story. Hardly anyone you look up to that you deem successful hasn’t failed at something or multiple things. Sometimes it doesn’t even have to do with you. It may be the right product, but launched at the wrong time. Or maybe the product didn’t find the right target market. Or maybe the marketing messages were out of touch with your customers. But as I’ve learnt, you can do everything ‘right’ and still fail. It’s part of life.

My approach to that has been to still put out ‘a product’ every year for the sake of it, maybe do a launch announcement and then… that’s it. Leave it to do or be whatever it will be. Lowered my expectations so that if it didn’t go all that well, I didn’t feel bad. Win win right? At least I still did something! That’s what I’ve been telling myself since I closed down ADAYA. I’ve done a few things here and there, made some money here and there, but I’ve been playing it small. But when I turned 29, I felt like ‘enough is enough’. This wasn’t a bucket list of things to do before turning 30. This was about doing the thing(s) I’ve been called to do without fear or playing small. So I had this idea for a membership community. For people who want to dream big and hit their goals but could do with a little (or a lot of) help, a little support, and a little accountability. A space where people could learn from one another, cheer for each other in our endeavours, and just come together openly to have real, deep conversations about money, fitness, productivity, careers, and mindset. And so much more. A space I truly needed and wanted. As I’ve grown as a content creator, especially during this mat leave, I’ve craved community to share my ideas with, ask about rates, get feedback on my videos, and even people I can message saying ‘hey, please like and comment on this ad to boost visibility’. I fleshed out the idea a bit, and I let it sit. I asked ChatGPT for a decent launch plan, and it said 6 weeks with a clear list of things to do. That’s a good timeline, I thought, but week after week I’d look at the idea and sigh. I’d do a bit for it, but not too much. Did I really want to start a new project? I went on holiday but had a little voice reminding me about it. When I came back, I started seeing videos about ‘the Great Lock In of 2025’. Almost immediately, I knew this was it. This was my opportunity. I already had the plan, although not fully fleshed out, but my years of experience had prepared me for this. And so I jumped on the trend immediately, and I knew my goal was to get people into the membership. It just made sense.

The ‘Great Lock In’ of 2025 was about picking some goals to focus on for the rest of the year and smashing them out. Money goals, fitness, career, productivity, and habit goals. And people were looking for community and accountability to do just that. It was almost serendipity that the thing I was working on, planning for, was now just laid out in front of me. And so I created THIS video to test my theory. I put out my own goals (a big one being making £10,000 in 90 days) and invited people along for the ride. And my theory got proven. People want that community. At this point, I had no product. Just some content asking people to sign up to basically nothing (yet). Once I gathered the interest of at least 100 people (remember business lesson #1), it was time to create the product (#2). And so for a few days, I went neck deep in creating this product. I invested time and a little money (#3). I quickly learned the ins and outs of the basics, and then I put it out there 2 days ago. Rough draft and all. I got a lot of ‘I love this!’, but I currently have 0 members LOL. But I expect that. This time, creating this product - a membership community - I actually have more realistic expectations. I understand the process of marketing and sales a lot more. I know that my making one or two or three videos won’t necessarily move the needle, especially when it’s people parting with some money (membership starts at £10).

But this newsletter is me recording the journey that will be me going from 0-1 member. And then 1-10, 10-100, and beyond. This time, my expectations are high and I’m as giddy as can be. I haven’t been this excited about a product launch since ADAYA, so basically, nearly 4 years (how crazy is that!). I’m planning to document this experience and share it all more closely within the membership (#4), so of course I’m going to ask you to join. More than ‘helping’ me go from 0-1, I really want to help you hit some of your goals too. I have such ambitious subscribers to this newsletter, and honestly, isn’t it time you did something different so that you can get different results? You’re brilliant, you’ve got what it takes, but you just need a little push. Or a lot. Or maybe just someone holding your hand through a new season, or a new business venture, or a new career. Maybe, like me, you’re a creator trying to grow and need a boost. Whatever goals you have, let’s do it together. My membership community - Life by Design - is for people who want to dream big and make those dreams a reality. This is a space to build the lives we actually designed, not the ones we just fell into. Intentionality is our keyword. I’m excited to share this new journey with you. Will you join me? We kick off our membership community on Monday, Sept 8th.

If you’re ready to LOCK IN and go deeper and faster with your goals, sign up for our membership community here and join our free IG group chat here.

All my love and warmest hugs

Bukiie

I’ve missed writing to you. Life has been so FULL lately. I’ve been jotting down my thoughts for the past few months, and I’m now ready to be back sharing more publicly. Let’s start with the biggest update of 2025… written 2 months ago.

My daughter is a month old today. My daughter. My. Daughter. She is next to me, cooing and kicking her feet after feeding, her sweet little face nestled into my arms. This feeling right here? I wish I could bottle it up.

I wish I could look back at the worst day of my life when my mummy went to heaven and tell myself that I will one day feel the same joy of living again. That life will be good to me again. That I will heal from grief through a little girl’s smile and little feet. My daughter. Perfect full head of hair. The cutest cheeks. Lips that open wide to scream for her mummy. I am sleep deprived yet fully awake to the fact that I now have a new destiny to steward.

I am tired but alert to the fact that my life has completely changed forever.

Life can be so unpredictable, unfair, and downright cruel sometimes. It gets exhausting to live fully, fulfil your dreams, and do it all in love. And yet it can be stupidly beautiful too. Full of immense joy and love, and laughter. Happiness that feels immeasurable. And you wish you could stay here forever.

I’ve learnt never to box my life into only a few adjectives when it gets tough. It’s easy to live out the words you speak once you’ve said them. “Life is hard.” And so it is. “Life is horrible.” And so it becomes. “I hate it here.” And then you find it difficult to accept good things in. It’s no wonder the Bible tells us, “As a man thinks in his heart, so he is.”

“Manifesting” is just the world’s version of that verse. As a new mum, I am even more conscious of my words and the power they carry. I am conscious of setting words in stone by saying things as they are. Instead, my language is a lot softer, a lot more lined with grace. A lot more “ifs” “buts” and “maybes”. Where I’ve been cut-throat about calling things black or white just as they are, I am learning to live in the grey. Motherhood is not hard— it can be challenging, yes, but something I will become better at over time. The newborn phase isn’t the trenches — it’s a marathon of learning and teaching a new human how to do life. It is a rebirth for you, too.

This, of course, does not by any means invalidate the state of things when they are indeed tough, hard, and difficult— I can still call a spade a spade. But rather, it is acknowledging the duality of things that are much too nuanced to box into one or two words. A lot of hard things are often the places we find the most fulfilment. A lot of the things that we call difficult and make us feel uncomfortable are often the breeding ground for growth in leaps. Where we cry when the going gets tough will sometimes lead others down the path of encouragement. I am learning that life is not at all black and white.

My new reality doesn’t include my well-meaning schedule or structure. My intention of waking up early and seizing the day is out the window. There is no routine or way things are done daily. It just is what it is. A gift of messy, beautiful, slightly chaotic, joyful times. More importantly, these are the days I prayed for. These are the days I will give thanks for. Undoubtedly, living in some of the wildest prayers I’ve been bold enough to ask God for. And what a good, good father He has been to me. What a faithful God He is.

My daughter. She is beautiful and bold. She is fearless and tenacious. At this little age, she already knows what she wants and doesn’t stop until she gets it. She is already forming a personality we prayed for, and watching it all play out is a true wonder for us every day. Our family is filled with beautiful memories of her smiles, her kicking, her smell, her cuddles, her cooing, and her bright eyes. She is our whole world.

Life is filled with tiny, beautiful things. If only we would slow down to see it. Yes, even the roughest alleys have tiny flowers growing in them too. So do not despise these days because it is not what you thought it would be at this age or stage of your life. I am proof that life will only continue to get better, not worse. Remember that it is often the darkest before dawn. Remember that your best days are always ahead and never behind, no matter what the enemy says. Remember that the rainbow comes after the rain.

So if it’s raining this season for you, let it. If the darkness is as thick as smoke, let it. If all you can see are lonely, dark roads ahead, let it be. Let your imagination be whatever it is right now. But it’s time to rewrite the script of your reality. Maybe you don’t feel like going out for a walk. Do it anyway. In this new script of your story, you get to choose. Life doesn’t happen the way we think; it happens the way we make it to be with every little decision. So what can you actually make it to be? Maybe you add an extra spoonful of honey to your peppermint tea because it makes you just that bit happier. Maybe you make the effort to see your friends more regularly, even though they live quite far away. Just because the joy it brings to you wraps around you like a warm hug. Maybe you buy those fancy bedsheets because you sleep better with 800-count Egyptian cotton sheets. And because you deserve good things. Do not postpone your joy to a more convenient time.

As summer days are longer, relish in the tiny beautiful things your life already offers you. Find solace knowing that nothing stays the same forever, but right here and now, you can enjoy whatever you want, and the only boundaries and restrictions are the ones in your mind.

With all my love,

From my daughter, bunched up and asleep on my chest, and I.

I often come with life lessons learned or taught but today, I have no lessons or teachings, just my recent thoughts. Pondering out loud, if you will.

I saw this starting phrase in a book I’m currently reading and it stopped me in my tracks. "I am out with lanterns looking for myself." —Emily Dickinson, personal correspondence. The words almost jumped at me and it felt like I wrote them. As you might know, in my grief journey, nothing has been linear and as the days go by, sometimes I expect to feel differently because ‘time heals’ and all that stuff, but really and truly I feel a lot of the time just as I did when I first heard the news of my mother’s passing. Sometimes I can’t even bring myself to say it. December 22, 2024, was her second-year memorial and although we didn’t cry as much as the first, it almost felt like we should. Like we shouldn’t be getting too comfortable living without her and settling into this new life. There’s a guilt I feel in moving through life in this new phase without her and it’s a heavier burden some days than others.

I say all that to say, recently I’ve noticed I’ve been a little (or a lot) quieter. I don’t think I’ve been excited about life since Dec 2022 and I think it’s starting to worry me. I know I’m still grieving and part of that healing journey is giving yourself time, but I also don’t know what that means. I spent 2023 launching a new podcast, new money card games, and a new business (kind of?) travelling and doing all the things I could because I couldn’t have been more aware of how short life is. I was doing a lot to honour my mother’s legacy and incredible life. It was and still is such a huge void to fill. By 2024 I had doubled down on the travelling, travelled 8 times, developed a product that I still haven’t launched and started creating content that was doing quite well and led to incredible opportunities. And I still lack true excitement with all of that. And now 2025 stares at me in the face - which much ado of transitions in my work and personal life and asking what this year will hold for me.

I started thinking about this set of cards I developed called ‘in my twenties’ - they were created off the back of the podcast and were to be released in tandem with a next season that didn’t quite pan out (yet?). If I do say so myself, they’re a brilliant set of conversational cards about everything to do with being in your twenties and all the different parts of it around work, money, relationships (including family and friendships), identity and purpose. They’re great for self-reflecting but also for playing in group settings. But alas, the world has not had a chance to see the beauty I’ve created. And so they’ve been sitting in my house for over a year and I only remembered them during my birthday last year when I took it to my friends to ask what they thought. And they loved it! I told them I would launch it soon after but I kind of forgot about them again. Recently I’ve been thinking about them a lot and why I haven’t just put them out there. Why I’m not that excited for them and why has it’s been over a year and I still have no launch plans for them despite knowing how great and useful they are? Is it fear of failure or disappointment? Is it worrying that people won’t love them as much as I do? Can I just not be bothered to handle all the logistics and admin? Are they just not good enough? I have no answers really, but what keeps coming to mind is that phrase I read ‘"I am out with lanterns looking for myself." It is so incredibly apt that I have nothing else to add to them but only to say that is exactly how I feel about life and everything in it right now. It feels like I am looking for myself, again and again. And I tried to find her with all the things I’ve been doing that are my favourite things - travelling, starting new creative projects, launching things, creating content, working with brands, speaking, writing. All these things I love doing - at my core. But except travel, everything else just seems a bit - meh. I could still do a lot of them without too much effort but I’m also like what’s the point?

2025 feels like a weighty year. Like a year pregnant with so many opportunities, but only if you are daring enough to come into deep waters. There’s a push and pull to the year where there’s a certain potential you’re expecting to fulfil, but also cautiously optimistic. It is asking things of us, but are we ready to give? However, if you do not give, how can you receive? I feel like for many of us, myself included, the answers we seek are in the places we’re too scared to go. The questions we don’t want to ask because we don’t want to voice the answers we already know. But I hear God say ‘Take off the training wheels, practice season is over’. It is not a statement for the sake of it - it is a matter of fact. If you’ve been in the hiding and guise of training wheels, it’s time to stop playing it safe and come boldly into the light, where you belong.

Somewhere in grief I know I lost my voice, and I know that I’ve spent the past 2 years trying to find it or reclaim it. But now as I think out loud, I think it’s not really about finding my voice but creating what my voice sounds like in this new reality. As much as I want to go back to how things were before my life completely changed, grace is telling me that I can’t - but I can still believe in something greater, something better. That even if my belief has some unbelief attached to it, God can still help me move through it.

"There are years that ask questions and years that answer." —Zora Neale Hurston, Their Eyes Were Watching God

I think there are also years we must be still to wait for either the right question or the answer to what we ask. 2025 feels like that for me. A still year.

Still trusting God.

Still believe in better.

Still praying for the best.

I’ve always been expectant and open whenever New years roll in, and my heart posture is still the same this year. There might be so many changes and transitions around, but I have a deep peace about the still waters God is calling me into. It is deep, yes, but it is still. And if God steadies my feet, I will heed His call and walk into the water with Him.

“To those of us who never quite fit into the spaces they made for us. May we find our people.

May we make our way. May we find our home.”

Happy 2025 friends, I truly hope it is one for you too.

PS - I’d be happy to send out 3 of the ‘In my twenties’ cards for free to anyone in London/England who wants to have a look at them in person (pictures below!). Maybe that’ll stir up some excitement for me, who knows? Just reply to this newsletter and I’ll get them sent to you, first come first serve :) I don’t ask for much but I’d love to know what you think of them genuinely once you receive them.

If you had to wrap up 2024 in a few words or sentences, what would it be?

For me, 2024 was many things: hard, sad, joyful, freeing, belonging, and settling.

It was a rollercoaster of the wheel of emotions. I started the year as I usually would - optimistic and excited, but also unusually I didn’t set goals until towards the end of January. I spent the first month of the year seeking revelation and wisdom for the year ahead, praying for clarity, peace, and direction to navigate waters I had not yet trodden upon, but asking the One who had.

As I sit here reflecting on a year that challenged me - both good and bad - I can’t help but feel like all in all, this year was truly marked with God’s goodness and faithfulness. It was many a reminder that God can be trusted, and especially after the year I had in 2023, I needed to be reminded often of this fact.

Life is often a privilege we take for granted. We wake up, make our plans, go about our days, and hope for the best. We get disappointed, experience heartbreak in various forms, fight battles against anxiety, fear, and worry, and still look for ways to incorporate more joy and things we love into our lives. We try our best to live like we want to be loved - in full. Sometimes we fall short, and other times we surprise ourselves with how we rise above challenges. We hold our hopes and fears simultaneously in the same hand, and give our hearts away to those we love, praying they love us back the same.

We all started the year with many plans and dreams. How many of yours came to fruition? How many times did you cry? Did you make the same mistakes more than once? Did you trust someone you shouldn’t have? Did you say yes even when you were scared? Did you do hard things and feel great afterward?

Whatever your answers to these questions, I hope you look in the mirror and recognise your growth. It’s often easier to overlook what went right and concentrate on all the things you *didnt* do. I’m guilty of this too as I suspect are the majority of you reading this. But as the year draws to a close, this isn’t merely a testimony of gratitude. This is looking back at all the accomplishments, the small and big joy moments, the new opportunities, and the firsts of many things. My year is littered with multiple milestones and landmarks of where a lot of things have gone right. I’m intentionally looking back to see how far I’ve come and how much growth I have gained this year.

In many ways, I am an intentional person, but even at my best, I still fall short of my own expectations. I still stumble, and I still fail. I still struggle to ask for as much help as I need, and I am still learning how to manage my phone and social media philosophy. Life will throw you blows, but it’s important to fight back. Hard moments do not mean a hard life, be easy on yourself.

This year I learned a lot about the need to demand from life what you want and to never settle. The key, I’ve found out through practice this year, is to keep asking. It’s easy to see people have what you want, and wish it would magically come to you too. But truly, as I’m finding out, the best things in life do not occur by accident. You HAVE to ask AND keep on asking. It’s okay to get weary. Sometimes your knuckles hurt from knocking on the door one too many times. But it’s always darkest before dawn. Take a break. Know when to rest vs when to quit. I often think of a story where a man who really wanted the opportunity to work for someone he long admired just kept on bombarding him with messages expressing his interest in a potential work opportunity. At the time there was no opportunity in sight. It was just a man and his belief that one day, if he kept knocking, the door he needed to be open, will indeed be open to him. He sent many messages and emails for nearly 4 years to no avail. He barely even got acknowledgment of some of those messages. Until one day he heard back from the person on the other line. An opportunity came up. And because of his persistence, he got the offer he wanted. At that point, it was more than preparedness, it was demanding from life what exactly he wanted, and not settling until he got it. That opportunity became a catapult for his career and opened up so many more doors.

This year I learned about the importance of sacrifice (again). In life, it seems like we would always have to sacrifice something for the greater good. Whether this looks like sacrificing sleep trying to get your side hustle up and running, or sacrificing time and money to spend on those you love. Life is constantly presenting us with new versions of ourselves and asking ‘Are you up for this challenge?’. Whenever we respond with ‘yes I am’, what follows is usually the road less traveled. It’s long days and short nights. It’s not knowing what is coming and tossing and turning the anxiety out of your mind. It’s learning to take the first step without seeing the whole way through. This year I moved teams at work and if you’ve been here long enough, you would know how much I adored and loved my old team, manager, and teammates. But alas, life presented me with a new unknown version of myself, dressed up as a new work opportunity. In part, moving teams wasn’t entirely my choice, but of course, my agreement was paramount for accepting the move. And so I did. And boy oh boy - what a wild ride it’s been. I’ve been reminded many times about the phrase ‘no pain, no gain’ and as much as I used to resent that sentiment, fortunately or not, it holds true. What I’ve learned is to take on all the lessons and help available, be more patient with myself, but also be more ruthless in negotiating the kind of sacrifice people in authority usually ask for. It’s important not to lose your voice in a job, or any kind of work really. It’s important that you speak up when things are going wrong BUT even more so when things are going right. It’s always easier to sound the alarm when things aren’t going well, but how many times do you take the blowhorn to your success and accomplishments?

This year I learned to be where my feet are. As someone who is usually 3 steps ahead in planning her next moves, it is easy for me to discard the present and focus too much on the future. While future planning is good, it’s better to be where your feet are and stay firmly planted on solid ground. Not every day rebrand. Some days, you just need to be okay saying you haven’t figured all of it out now, and be willing to do the work to get there. I know that I am not afraid to be seen trying. And yet, nervousness pounds through my veins when I am doing something new. I now know that this is okay and is usually part of the process. And that something feels a bit difficult at the start shouldn’t make you quit. That you don’t get all the answers right on the first try is proof that you are human. And that you are at the beginner level TODAY doesn’t mean that’s where you’ll be tomorrow. I surprise myself with how many times just accepting to be a beginner in whatever I am doing, often leads me to becoming pretty good at it. Take my TikTok account as an example. I come on there to post videos about money, life, friendships, careers and whatever I am learning in that season. I only took it seriously this year, and yet, it with less than a full year of truly trying, still very much feeling like a beginner, I’ve made over £10k with a little under 10k followers! I am bullish on the internet and the wonderful world of social media so this was such a delight for me to personally experience. Aside from the money, I got so many cool opportunities from the platform that still surprises me today. And crazier still is that people now regard me as an expert in some things because I’ve built credibility off the back of consistency and just staying put as a beginner and not rushing to feel like I know everything or can everything. Just last month the BBC invited me to do a radio segment with them on friendships. Despite taking a nearly 2-month hiatus, I jumped at the opportunity. I am excited and elated to find out how much further I can take this next year.

As I wrap up this year, some of you will know that the holidays are especially hard for me after losing my mum on Dec 22nd, 2022. The 10-day run-up to Christmas is pretty intense. Between my brother and sister in laws wedding anniversary on the 16th, my husband and I’s traditional anniversary on the 17th, my mum’s birthday on the 20th, her memorial on the 22nd, and then Christmas on the 25th, it’s a lot of emotions for my heart to take. It’s a rollercoaster of bittersweet moments underlined by how much we miss my mum who was huge on holidays and especially this season of many celebrations. But in grieving I still choose to let joy in, hard as it may be. I choose to be comforted, and let others take the reign where I can’t. It’s not been easy at all, but I’m thankful for friends who carry the burden of this season with me and hold me up. Life can be hard, but my prayer always is that may it be soft too. I am still filled with optimism and excitement for all that’s to come in the new year. I am holding space for all the newness and welcoming goodness. I am grateful for the goals I met this year - nearly all of them (!) - and the people who continue to do life along with me.

To new beginnings, fresh starts, and a blank page of opportunities to be written in - I wish you the happiest of holidays. I can’t wait to read about the stories we will tell next year, but until then, stay with me and keep me in your prayers okay? Thank you for a great 2024. It wasn’t all sunshine and roses and I fell off here and there but you’ve stuck it out with me. Thank you, I appreciate you!

Love,

B

Recently I heard Bozoma Saint-John talk about how ironic the saying ‘when you’re in a tunnel, look for the light’ is and I thought OMG how true. She explained that when you’re in the dark it can be scary but also dangerous trying to wander around looking for the ‘light’. You can injure yourself walking around in the dark. You could trip and fall. You could get lost further. And so on and so forth. Instead it’s better to sometimes stay put and be the light yourself, I.e putting the focus on YOU and not an uncontrollable thing. Work on your mind first before working on the external things.

I agree with her sentiment because, have you ever been in a dark period in your life looking for ‘the light’? It’s like trying to find a needle in a haystack. Next to impossible. If the light is at the end of the tunnel then surely I would be able to walk myself in that direction somewhat easily and probably quickly too because I can see it. But more times than not, we can’t see and that’s why the dark can be scary. Often, we spend too much energy and focus looking for this light and sometimes end up deeper in the tunnel than when we started.

If you’re in a season of what seems like (or is) a dark tunnel, I would tell you to pause and look within for your light. Often times we find it difficult to get ourselves out of a rut because we’re either doing too much or not doing enough.

On doing too much, we’re likely rushing past our feelings - whatever they may be. Disappointment, anxiety, feelings of failure, imposter syndrome, general lack of motivation, loneliness and so many others are such deep and intense feelings. Which is why we may try to run away from them. We distract ourselves, never want a moment of silence to sit with our thoughts or ask for help, and will pretend that we are OK even though we are anything but that. PAUSE. My therapist always reminds me that all emotions are good because they point us towards something. Feeling sad and disappointed may seem pointless in a situation you can’t control like not getting a promotion, or after a betrayal in a relationship, but actually these feelings are valid. And maybe we need to sit with them for a moment and acknowledge them. Taking time to process my feelings sometimes feel like intense work I don’t want to be doing, but I always pay for it in future when I try to rush through them. Sometimes I’m actually better off journalling, ranting to a friend, or just getting a deep hug from my husband.

On not doing enough, we’re likely enjoying the dark a little too much. It’s like when you’re sad then you start listening to sad songs to make yourself feel even more sad. WHY do we do that? It’s funny but it isn’t. Sometimes we get too comfortable with our own mess and we put off doing anything to come out of it because it’s way easier to just stay here. Like when you’re super cosy, warm and settled, and then you get your reminder for your gym class that starts in half in hour so you basically have to leave in 10 mins. Are you more inclined to cancel or do you muster up the courage after a few groans and put on your best gym wear?

PAUSE - your belief system might have been built to think it’s OK to stay in what’s comfortable and familiar. Our brains generally don’t know what’s rightfully good or bad - it is programmed to say ‘yes’ however we have conditioned it. So comfort and familiarity are often good things - but can become detrimental for you very quickly when you’re in the dark. Don’t get too comfortable lazing around and ‘giving yourself grace’ above getting up and getting through that problem. I know it’s hard - but you can only overcome obstacles but taking action and moving.

I’ve been questioning a lot of general advice that people throw around in a crisis or moment of uncertainty and started asking ‘who said that? Why do I believe it?’

As we go through life, it’s so easy to take on these general life quotes and adopt it as our own belief system without questioning it. You hear common phrases that sound good, and you automatically adopt it as being good. Some of them are:

The grass isn’t greener on the side, it’s greener where you water it. —> This quote is partially true, but in seasons when you are too weak to water your own grass, it’s less important what you do, and more important where you are. For example, if I’m lacking motivation to do anything, it doesn’t matter how much I want to be motivated, my brain is probably in a fog or rut that makes it seem to hard to do anything. In this case there is no water in the tank to pour into any grass. Instead, if I pick up the phone and call a friend who gives me a new perspective - *they* are the ones who actually water my grass. Similarly you might be in a company where you’re struggling to perform well because maybe your team members are really hard to get on with and you have polar opposites ways of working. No matter how hard you try to get on with them your efforts might be futile if they’re just not your people. You’ll be wrong to think that you’re the problem and there’s an issue with yourself you need to fix. Instead, maybe your attention should be focused on looking for a new role where the people better align with how you work and you actually get on well with. It’s not always perfect but as you can see, sometimes it’s not about your ability to water the grass where you are, but identifying where that grass is positioned and if it’s even worth watering.

God helps those who help themselves —> This one is actually NOT biblical or scriptural. Nowhere in the Bible does Jesus tell us or show us that we should first help ourselves. It puts the focus on us first and then tells us to wait for God to then take over whatever we want to rope Him into. Like we start a business and then ask God to bless it instead of first asking Him if we should start the business and HOW to actually go about it if so. This hustlers mindset is why a lot of us feel confused when we pray for God to bless something after we’ve started it and wonder why it seems like God is silent on our blessings. He may be asking you ‘who sent you there? Did I give you instruction for this?’ Whatever the original source of this saying, the Bible teaches the opposite. God helps the helpless! Isaiah 25:4 says, "For You have been a defense for the helpless, a defense for the needy in his distress, a refuge from the storm, a shade from the heat..." Romans 5:6 tells us, "For while we were still helpless, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly."

What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger —> I get the sentiment of this phrase but think it has potential to be misconstrued and used as a bandaid for people going through serious trauma. We don’t have to be pushed to our limits to become stronger. I don’t have to learn my strength from a near death experience, or learn a lesson from going through an experience myself. This phrase gets used a lot when we’re going through difficult times seemingly as a reward for going through said difficult times. The reason it makes me cringe is because we start to train our mind and belief system that hardship is a signal of strength. It’s not. You can be in distress over a situation and genuinely think that because this is building ‘character’ and ‘resilience’ it must be good for you overall. Wrong. Sure sometimes character development and these softer life skills DO come out of dire situations, but we have to be careful not to think this way too much. One of my life lessons is - Hardship is not a sign that you’re on the wrong path. Ease is not a sign that you’re on the right path.

All of this brings me to this video I made on building confidence and what I do to stay confident (watch here on Tiktok/Instagram). Confidence is a mindset thing yes, but only after being validated by YOUR actions. You have to take action and be an active participant in your own life. In a world where we are inundated with so many other people’s lives, lifestyle, dreams, things and thoughts, it’s important that you don’t forget to live YOUR own life and dreams. We consume so much of what other people are doing, say things like ‘I’m just living vicariously through you’ and ‘God when?’ but still stay in the same place after scrolling instead of taking action. I remember telling myself years ago ‘how many peoples stories will you hear before you will start to create your own?’ And nothing has made me sit up like that ever since. So each year when I’m tempted to compare myself against another person, I first tell myself - this person’s life you admire is great, but what it greater is WHAT you’re going to do about your admiration. I can be inspired and scroll to the next video, or I can pause, use that inspiration to draw action out of me and take a step. This is how I build confidence - by taking multiple steps in every area of my life I’m seeking clarity or direction.

Our purpose isn’t found by ‘looking’ around for it - it’s found by taking steps in A direction. If it’s the wrong direction, you’ll pick up skills and experience and will course correct. If it’s in the right direction, you’ll know because things will start aligning, you’ll feel more confident and will start seeing results. It may be a pain point for you that you’re now helping others solve, or something you’re passionate about that others also seem to be passionate about. In either case, your belief about the life you want to live and how to get there will only be reinforced by actually doing *something*. What you do is less important than actually doing something, and overtime you’ll start to see your life go in the direction of how far you’re able to dream and believe.

Remember that your brain doesn’t know what belief is right or wrong, it will only accept all as good. If you say that you believe you are deserving of nice things, your brain will say ‘YES’ and you will see yourself more drawn to nicer things (and hopefully more ways to get it in a way that makes financial sense!). If you believe that having a lot of money is bad, your brain will say ‘YES’ and will repel any opportunities that come your way to grow your wealth. So as you go into the world this week and beyond, before taking on a belief, ask yourself ‘WHO SAID THAT’ and ‘do I really believe this?

If this newsletter helped you, please let me know and share it with a friend!

Love,

B xxx

Routines. They’re so important for our lives to work and build habits, keep us on the right track and accountable to our goals. I am (for the most part) a Type A person. I love routines. I love structure. I don’t mind being told what to do but I usually prefer leading. I’m driven, ambitious and pretty hard working. This personality type has gotten me to where I am today.

I remember before the pandemic in 2019 was my “all time highest-self” so far in my life. I was 22 going on 23 and really felt like I was coming into my own (which is hilarious to me now, because when I am never coming into my own? At 28 I have more questions than I did at 22, but in many ways still feel like I am still coming into my own with every new version of myself ha!) That year I committed to going to the gym at least 3x a week, finish the whole Bible within the year, take regular breaks, travel often and learn new skills for a new career path that was uncharted. And so I did. Tick tick tick everyday with everything on my to-do list. I had my final ACA exams to become a chartered accountant and I was relentless about it so I could finally move on with my life (professionally). For most of the year I lived in Reading and my office/gym/grocery shop was about a 10 min walk. It was GREAT! Sometime during the year I moved from Reading to London even though I was still working in Reading. That period was stressful because I was now commuting for nearly 1.5hrs each way daily. AND I was still waking up at 5am to go to the gym. Some evenings I would go to dinner with my friends, other evenings I would come home pour myself a glass of wine, make dinner and watch my favourite show. And then my weekends I would go for speaking engagements or catch up with friends. I was out here grinding and hustling, socialising and living life and boy did I love it.

Fast forward 5 years later and I shudder at the how intense and busy I was. I cannot fathom waking up at 5am to go to the gym, somehow make it home to make breakfast, get ready for work, put on makeup and nice clothes and begin a 1.5hr commute to work. Part of it is growing up and having more responsibilities, but also just maturing in the life you want to live. I now have more of a desire for a slower, quieter pace than the upbeat life of a 22/23 year old.

“We have seasons when we flourish and seasons when the leaves fall from us, revealing our bare bones. Given time, they grow again.” – Katherine May, “Wintering”

Sometimes I feel guilty when I have do-nothing days because old me believed I had to be productive all the time. My ‘free time’ was for thinking of new ways to make money, or doing something to grow my net worth. Babysitting, learning a new skill, writing a book, coaching etc. Even though fundamentally I still have that innate desire for ambition, it’s changed in how I execute that plan. I think more long term and I now know that rest is truly a part of doing the work. My free time is space for my brain to not do anything, and I have nothing to feel bad for. I have proved to myself my ability to work hard and deliver great results when the season requires it, but never at the expense of my health, my family or relationship with God. This I know for sure.

I am telling myself these days — Bukiie hasn’t changed; the circumstances have. I am older, with more life experience under my belt, both high high and terrifying lows. And I have seen God’s goodness and mercy in both times.

The past two months have been very transitional, as this time of the year usually is. I’ve been head down busy with work and honing in on the kind of wife I want to be and what that looks like in my marriage. I’ve become more reflective of how I spend my time and energy. But more so this year, I am an active participant in determining how being busy affects my life. Whereas before I would allow myself to take on the stress of Q4, work getting busier, not having enough time for friends and family and just crash over the Christmas break from exhaustion, I actually started pausing before I took a decision. Yes, work was busier and yes I took on more responsibilities, BUT I will create a boundary of not working beyond a certain time. Yes my weekends are for recovering and resting, yes I’m not able to spend as much in person time with my friends, BUT I will call and check in more and be intentional about making time however little or much, to connect in person. Yes, I am in a transition season and figuring a lot of things out, BUT I will work on communicating my needs and asking for help.

As you probably know, and I often say - two things can and will be true. Life is never equal parts good and bad, but more often than not we will have to hold multiple feelings of opposing views together. I am happy and sad on the same day. I can celebrate and mourn in the same month. 22 year old me couldn’t handle the gravity of life this way and that is just a testament to growing up and realising that your life is truly yours to own. Sometimes you will look back at versions of yourself and ask ‘how did I do that?’ And wonder why you’re so different to the person that was once so familiar. But as I’m starting to realise, you can’t put new wine in old wine skins. You can’t expect change and then hope things will stay the same. People grow, evolve in their thoughts, ways of living and generally the curve points upwards. Staying stagnant is really cutting off the growth cycle so doing nothing is still doing something. I’m always thankful for my growth journey and each year as I start to reflect on how my year went, I no longer measure my success in how much achievements I did, but now truly understanding the brevity of life, I look at success in if I have accomplished God’s plan and will for me that year. And that will look different. Some years it’s about how well did you tend to the relationships in your life; how did you impact them positively? Did you leave a mark on someones life that has truly changed how they live and possibly connect with God? Some years my purpose will be around being excellent at work and producing results. Others it will be about helping my community with their finances and sharing how to be better financial stewards. Purpose will change, but am I doing what I’m supposed to be doing this season? That is how I measure success.

My relationship to changing seasons is now understanding that as life progresses so will you, whether you realise it or not. Better for you to embrace the changes than to be forced to deal with it with a lack of preparation. And of course we cannot prepare for everything, but we can often prepare ourselves for the versions of ourselves we want to be in future. For me, this looks like someone who is self aware and able to know my own strengths but also recognise and correct my weaknesses as they present themselves. It’s not about running towards perfection, but realising that new seasons of life will bring about both good and not so good things and it is how you handle them that will show you who you are.

Are you comfortable with your current habits? Do they reflect the lifestyle of the person you want to be?

Are you happy with how you treat your friends? Is that evident in how you show up for them?

Are you fulfilled by the work you do? Is that growing you out of your comfort zone?

Are you happy with the life that you live? Will God be proud?

These questions I asked recently had some interesting answers I wasn’t expecting and I had to take action now that I knew better.

There’s a Nigerian proverb I love that says ‘whenever you wake up is your morning’ and it’s a phrase I often use to extend grace to myself in quieter seasons when it ‘seems’ like not much is going on. It means that your beginning starts whenever you're ready and everyone has their personal race. I’m constantly reminded that you can change your mind and life whenever you want. It doesn’t have to be a new year, month or quarter. As soon as you say ‘it’s time to start again’ then you begin your journey into a new season. Whether in health, finances, relationships, career, marriage or family - God knows the direction He wants you to go towards but you are in the drivers seat. Will you listen out for His instructions on the best path for your life? For the remaining 60 or so days left in the year I’m committed to giving myself to new starts. Whether its an old habit that actually works for me in this new season and I want to pick up again, or maybe just a new routine altogether— whatever it is, I know that I’m not changing to a ‘new’ person, but improving and iterating on this version of me. Circumstances are constantly changing and I am adjusting to them all as life happens. But I will be an active participant in my own life. I will not let the wind dictate the direction I go, but I will follow God’s leading towards where I’m supposed to be, and where I’m supposed to go to next. I’m all in for the journey, are you coming with me?

PS - did you miss me? Cos I’ve missed writing to you all. Hoping to be back at least bi-weekly for the rest of the year. Pray for me!

All my love,

B

[edit: I wrote this in June but slightly edited it to reflect where I am now, post my 28th birthday]

I recently read a book by Emily Henry called Happy Place. It was my first romance novel for a long time and I was excited to get into it on holiday, and it did not disappoint! The theme mostly follows the lead female who’s recently broken up with her boyfriend of nearly 6 years but has to lie to her friends — no, their friends, who have been with them from the beginning of their relationship — that they’re still together. The (ex)boyfriend agrees and they try to play along for the sake of one last trip in the group of friends’ favorite place, aka her happy place. And the book is her recalling all the memories and variations of her happy place, more about being around her people and less about the actual place itself.

Recently I’ve been thinking about how much life is the sum of the relationships you keep and how wealthy and fulfilled I am by this one singular thing — my relationships. From my family to friends, to work mentors and even acquaintances. I’m in the company of some of the best people I know, and I am glad to be doing life with them.

My life has been very intentionally planned to make me happy, but my happy place has never been a destination or place, it’s always been the people. The people who give me belly laughs, whose company I never want to leave, whose hugs make everything feel ten times better, whose laughter I want to store in a jar and release every time I’m stressed or sad. My happy place — is my life. All the people in it, plus all the things I do, plus all the experiences I get to have. All culminating in my happy place. What a wonderful place to be.

My life is far from perfect. Many days I cry out of frustration to do with some part of my life. But I saw this tweet that is so apt and captures my exact thoughts and feelings even as I celebrate another year around the sun. The second without my mother.



I’m also reminded of the lyrics of one of my favorite songs:

Sunny days, everybody loves them

Tell me, baby, can you stand the rain?

Storms will come

This we know for sure (this we know for sure)

Can you stand the rain?

And another by Maverick City

“I’ve still got joy in chaos, I’ve got peace that makes no sense. So I won’t be going under, I’m not held by my strength…”

This sense of perspective has made my life and my days so much lighter. Yes, sometimes I still sweat the small stuff that I shouldn’t care about. I still cry when things don’t go as planned. But I know for sure that this is part of the human experience and I cannot take the good without the bad.

For so long I wrestled with my happy place — more like fought for it by trying to hide and shield it away from the dangers of life. I wanted so bad to only have good things happen to me. I thought if I could just do the right things — pray to God, go to church, respect and honor my parents, and do what I’m told — life can and will only be good for me. And for a long time, my parents knowingly or unknowingly contributed to this. In love, they protected us from the worst parts of the world. They shielded us from anything that wasn’t good, keeping our innocence until we were quite literally adults. They went above and beyond to ensure our lives were safe and happy. They prioritized happy experiences and memories — travel, birthdays, achievements, new hobbies, new friends — all in a bid to keep us from seeing the big bad world outside. And not at the expense of themselves or their dreams and goals either. They work hard and play harder. And in there was my safety zone.

But what happens when you grow up and leave home? What happens when you have to face the big bad world? The good news is that they were there to still cushion some of the blow. They offered prayers, wisdom, guidance, time, and money. My parents are truly the best people I know and it is a privilege and a blessing to have been raised by them. And still, even though I know they meant well and I’m grateful for their covering, I couldn’t help feeling so shocked when real life happened. My mother’s funeral was the first I had been to. That period was the first time I saw my dad openly cry. Our whole lives got turned upside down and we were all so distraught by the suddenness of it all.

Even though I don’t know how someone could best be prepared to lose a loved one, their parent, I wish in part I would have known to do something different. Maybe it wouldn’t have changed the grieving experience or maybe it would have, who’s to say. But now as I just turned 28 this past weekend, two and a half years into marriage, with whispers of “So when are you having a baby” I’m thinking about the happy place I want to raise my children in.

I’m thinking about the sum of my life experiences so far, the good, bad, and ugly — and being intentional about what I would change. And part of that is figuring out the balance between protecting innocence vs facing reality. The two are not mutually exclusive and of course extremely subject to God’s plan for our lives but to the extent that although God has our destiny it is up to us to live it out— how do we make the most of this life with a deep understanding that this is not our final home? How are you, dearest reader, crafting your life with this knowledge that you will not live forever? That all the things we think we need and want and have cannot go with us when we are reunited with Jesus. Does this scare you or give you hope? Does it allow you to think more carefully about every area of your life and how you move through your decisions?

I’m deeply reflective entering this next half year. I’m laser-focused on what’s truly important and how to do as little of what’s not important. To be human is to make mistakes, have shortcomings, fall, and get back up, but our lives are not simply measured by the quantity of our time but by the quality of it. What is the quality of your life? Where do you need to make changes?

As we ground ourselves into this mid-year, partly (maybe?) overwhelmed by how fast life is moving and how quickly the days are going, I encourage you to find and lean into your happy place. It’s one of those cliche things people say all the time but it is true — do more of what you love. Find a way to build your life around it. Don’t do life passively accepting whatever comes your way. Relationships. Friendships. Your job or business. Finances. Your spiritual life. Your rest. Hobbies. Experiences. Treat the priority of these things urgently. Your life doesn’t turn out good just because— you have to make it so. With God, I truly believe everything is possible and I am always with the belief that the best is yet to come. Bad things have happened to me the worst of them all happened, yet I am still here. God MUST be up to something, and it must be good, surely. If it didn’t kill me, I must be better for it — whether I like the process or not.

My career or job is not my happy place because that will change so I cannot be welded to one path of what I do for work. And my personality type means that no one-size career fits everything I am or want to do or am interested in. But what for me is important is understanding time and seasons. What’s important is what I’m learning in the workplace. How to lead. How to make mistakes and take accountability. How to do what you say you’ll do even when no one is watching. How to work with difficult people. How to disagree about something but still commit to doing it. How to say what you mean without being mean.

And so much more.

This is the process of life and work, especially in my twenties. And I’m here for it! I think life becomes a lot more enjoyable when you appreciate the process no matter how tough it is. You know that you are growing and learning and developing. It can be sucky and annoying and painful in the middle of it all, but be excited about your life all the same. Never belittle where you’re at or resent the process. Always remember that the best life is what you make out of it not what you’re given.

I’m excited for the next iteration of myself as my life continues to progress.

This is my resolve and my desire. To continually live in this happy place called my life, knowing that storms will come, but that shouldn’t waver my faith. Knowing that the best things in life are not things at all but people. Knowing that I love to travel and will take any and every opportunity to (more to come on my incredible Euro/World Summer 2024!). Knowing that money is extremely important in this journey of life and God made it my business to get good at it and teach people how. Knowing that bad days don’t make a bad life. Knowing that I am not a tree and I can always move my life around. Knowing how I love and want to be loved. Knowing the quality of life I want God to be proud of. This is my desire. You too?

When you were growing up and you saw people get mad (with someone or a situation), what did they do?

Fight or flight. It’s our human response to anywhere we find tension. In our relationships. In a difficult conversation. In our actions when we get to a crossroad. In the gym when something is heavier than we expected. In our reaction when we open our bank accounts. In our everyday lives.

There’s always this tension between knowing better and doing better. Sometimes we don’t know better so we do the wrong things, say the wrong things, and don’t show up like we should. Other times we know better and we still don’t do better. Because of our ego, our pride, our emotions, and even our fears.

Recently I listened to Sarah Jakes Robert’s Podcast about navigating transitions with Priscilla Shirer where she talked about the transition of grief. When I was in the deep end of grief last year a wonderful friend sent me the Evan’s family book on dealing with loss after loss back to back within 1-2 years. The biggest of them was losing their mother — the matriarch of the family. It’s a book with deep and heavy emotions but it mirrored exactly how I felt losing my mum. For a long time, I fought the idea that this was how life was going to be for me. I fought myself for feeling like I didn’t do enough even if I knew it was false. I fought my friends for not knowing how to do better for me. I fought God every day in my feelings and thoughts about the whole situation.

I stood at the crossroads of fight or flight and I mostly chose to fight. But I didn’t know how to fight well.

During the transition into the version of myself I finally came to accept this year, I realised that part of my lack of knowledge about my fight with God was understanding His will.

Time and time again in the Bible we see His will but we may not understand it. Like why did He allow the enemy to use Peter to deny Jesus? Why did He allow Judas to be used by the enemy to betray Jesus? Why did He allow David’s son to die for the sins of his father?

This is what I have come to know: There is the perfect will of God and the permissible will of God. In the ideal world without sin, we all would exist and live only in the perfect will of God. But because as humans we are flawed and the enemy still exists with us in a fallen world, we fall into sin and those have consequences whether we like it or not. God didn’t design us for suffering; dealing with trauma, depression, cancer, divorce, etc. In His perfect will these things don’t exist for His children. And because we know that nothing happens to us without His permission then we have His permissive will.

This was (and is?) still hard for me to grapple with. That sometimes we are out of kilter with His perfect will but always within His permissible will. That the actions of ourselves, our parents, or even great grand parents have consequences for us. That’s why there are genetic diseases or predispositions. Someone somewhere in a family line did the wrong thing, made a deal with the devil, and if we do not know better we would accept things as “just the way it is”. The doctors say it’s genetics. Other people say it was always bound to happen due to your family history. For others, it’s just a pattern they fell into.

And yet in His grace and mercy of it all, God still stands in the gaps with us. He still helps us to get through the fire. He didn’t promise a life without it — He said He will be with us in it. He said we would have many and great troubles but we can find solace in the fact that He has gone ahead of us and overcome everything.

We often hear people getting good things and the caption being “God did”. But what about when God didn’t? Where is the testimony that even though He didn’t come through the way we thought, even though we feel let down and disappointed by Him, even though we may never get answers to ‘but God, why?’ — He is still sovereign over us. We are still in His hands, safe in His will for us. This may not have been the plan He wanted, and yes He could’ve changed it, but He permitted it for our growth. He permitted it so that you can depend on Him and only Him. He permitted it so that He would not share His glory with anyone else. He permitted it because only He has the full blueprint of your life and can see through the end of a thing. He is Almighty — able to do absolutely anything and everything — and yet, in His wisdom, He chooses what to allow and what not to allow.

I’m learning to fight better with this new knowledge. That sometimes God’s will that I am living in isn’t the preferred one or the best one. It’s not His perfect plan. In my actions, I have sinned and fallen. And still, He is there to help me pick up the pieces and go again towards His perfect will. He will always be there steering me towards His perfect will. And if I miss the mark, His grace is sufficient.

So often the people we fight with in our lives are people we love. But do we know how to fight well? Recently my husband did something that annoyed me. And I said something that was just mean. When I reflected, I was super sad and disappointed in myself. I knew to do better, but my ego was hurt so I chose not to in the moment. After I apologised I realised that on the other foot when I do something to annoy my husband he is usually kind. Even when angry he will still open his arms up for a hug. He will cuddle me and accept my kisses of “I’m sorry”. I just give him the cold shoulder until I’ve defrosted. (God is working on me chile!)

But that singular act made me want to do better and be more like him which in true marriage reflection is also becoming more like Christ. Marriage is a mirror mostly showing the worst parts of you but not so you feel bad, but so you become better and become more like Christ Himself. This is the true essence of marriage. Not the sex, the cuddling, or even the splitting of bills or the enjoyment from not paying for anything, (which are all fantastic perks I must say); but bring pruned day in and day out to become the perfect image of God. So that when people see us when they experience us, they see Jesus. That is the perfect will of God for us in our marriages. Divorce, separation, loss, etc often come from living in this fallen world where so much of our lives are spent trying to know the right thing, sometimes finding it, but still not doing it. Whether it’s not being in the right place at the right time, not taking something as seriously, not praying when you feel prompted to in your spirit, or sometimes not even having anything to do with you but just how you were raised — all of these experiences make up our reality and it is up to us to learn how to fight well in all of it.

Fighting well looks like being equipped with the right information. Your partner, your parents, your friends really do love you. Not everyone is out to get you or judging you.

Fighting well looks like being kind even when it’s easier to say a mean comment. Don’t forget that you love these people even when you disagree with them. We all have our differences and perspectives, respect each other for it.

Fighting well looks like surrendering to God’s will when things aren’t going according to your plan. It doesn’t always feel like it, but in the end - all will be well.

Fighting well looks like knowing better and choosing to do better even if it hurts your ego. Let your guard down and apologise. Say you’re sorry and mean it genuinely. Take accountability for your part and acknowledge the other person’s hurt.

Fighting well means letting go of your hurt so that you do not hurt others knowingly or unknowingly. Hurt people hurt people. Healed people heal people.

Fighting well means asking God why but still trusting that even if He doesn’t answer you, He is still good and you can trust Him. Our God is dependable and reliable. He truly will never leave or forsake you. You can count on Him.

Fighting well looks like not raising your voice in anger but taking a breath and putting language to how you feel more softly. And take the time you need but also remember that life is short and what you’re mad about today won’t really matter in a week’s time. Don't allow anger to turn into bitterness.

This is all easier said than done BUT it can be done anyway. For the sake of your sanity, your relationships, your family, and your health(!); fight well. My prayer for you, for me too, is to be equipped with the right knowledge to fight well. And to do so when the time comes. We will always have tension in our world so it is not a question of whether to fight or not fight. It is about saying “This is a difficult moment but I am choosing not to take my anger out on this person. I am choosing to show love instead of judgment. I am choosing peace and not war. I am choosing to be more like Jesus.”

The best is truly yet to come when we fight well. So let’s get on with it, shall we?

I read a quote recently that said “You’ve not met all the people that will love you.” As someone who has had some friends for nearly two decades, I saw that and thought, how true. I’ve always welcomed new friendships and relationships as I’ve gotten older. I’ve been blessed enormously in my life by my friends. But last year was brutal in all of my relationships. One thing I didn’t have in my bingo card of grief was losing friends or just how tumultuous the ride would be for what was an already miserable season.

As a spiritual person of faith, I know now that some of the things that happened last year were deeply spiritual more than it was personal. That the enemy wanted me to lose a lot more than just my mum. As I grappled with these heavy emotions of grief, I had to concurrently have hard conversations with my decade-long friends and even friends who were more recent but I felt knew me a lot more than they were showing.

Many nights I cried. I had always had the best of friends but it felt like in a dark season it only got darker with some friends. I wept. I prayed harder. I sat silent asking God what to do. Would I really lose friends as well as my mum? Not to death but to hard conversations. REALLY?! I was distraught for most of the year.

As time went on, I saw my prayers being answered slowly but surely. Some friends fell off, even as I welcomed some new ones. The ones that were a struggle at the start of the year started to normalise and ease up. Tensions came down and eventually, things got better. It was a lesson of being consistent in hope. Not just praying for the sake of it but really believing that your prayers were going to be answered— some way or another. It took a really long time to get back to a good place with some friends but on the other side, I can say we will be better for it. Some things in life have to happen for other things to fall into place. If you’ve never been tested how will you know your own strength? I didn’t get the point of exams growing up but now that I’m older I see the reason behind the testing process. It’s not designed to make you fail, but it is designed to check how far you’re willing to go for success.

In our twenties, we think we’re supposed to have it all. Do it all. Know it all.

This simply isn’t true. We have not met all the people we will fall in love with. There is always hope for you on the other side. Maybe you’ve been in the waiting room for a long time for a relationship. Maybe you’ve not had great success with friendships or relationships. Maybe you’ve had some losses that have made you retreat to protect your heart. Maybe you’ve tried a career and another and nothing was working out. Maybe you’ve had a really hard time trying to build good money habits. I’m here to tell you — don’t count yourself out of the game. Of friendships. Relationships. Good habits. The whole 9.

Do not accept that “this is just the way things are.” So many of us surrender to failure because we’re too scared to try again. We surrender to the status quo because it’s much harder to craft our own lane. We would rather settle for other’s opinions than chime in with our own beliefs.

It’s enough.

Enough of reading about everyone else’s success stories. Isn’t it time you begin to write your own? When your fans are reading, what will they learn about this stage of your life? That things got difficult and you lost hope and gave up? Or that even when the going got tough, you buckled down in prayer and held on to that tiny glimmer of light you saw?

This is your one big life. Do not let anyone else but you write your story.

One thing I’m grateful for even within the tough period of friendships last year is how now I know exactly who I want to have as friends. I know what traits really matter and which ones I want to keep. I know what I deeply care about, even more than before, and the things I easily forgive. I can see clearly how certain characteristics reveal themselves in trying seasons. I’m grateful for the giddy energy of new friendships and the joy that comes with it. Learning new things about other people hits differently when you’re learning new things about yourself too. It’s a beautiful feeling that I’m holding on to.

I’ve put down even deeper roots with some friends even as I take on new ones with others. I am grateful for friends who double-downed in their love and support for me so that I didn’t feel the gaps that were missing. I am thankful that God brought me joy even in deep sorrow and that I did not drown in the fear that I would lose everyone I hold so dear.

Now that I’m able to zoom out a little, in many ways I know that God covered me a lot last year, even more than I probably know. When you’re in a sunken place everything seems dark and there’s no way out. From my experience, I now know that it is not a place you will stay forever. Like every season there is a high and low, a mountain and a valley. You will not be here for too much longer. Persevere through it. Rest through it. Prepare for the good seasons coming. Rewire your mind to think good things and don’t believe everything you feel is fact.





Favor does follow the daring. Those that will crawl, run, or scream their way through but will indeed make it through. Every good thing in life will come from you taking a step. Whether in a new relationship, daring to say ‘I love you’ or daring to leave a relationship that no longer serves this version of yourself. Or in a new career, daring to put your hand up for the next big project, or seeking a pay rise/promotion despite being there for only a year. Or in old friendships, daring to do something new and find yourselves again.

Sometimes we need to be apart to come together. Some things may need to be broken to be put back together again in a new way. Hearts may break, but hearts will heal. Try new things. Try a different way. Allow yourself to dream again of the endless possibilities. For favor follows the daring.



May all your prayers be answered, according to God’s perfect will. Amen.

(PS, In the spirit of doing new things I’m hosting an Investing masterclass this Thursday (that’s tomorrow!) and I’d love for you to come. There’s a lot that will be packed in it and you will learn a lot about investing and my mission is to make sure you leave having made your first investment. Take 10% off tickets for the next 24 hours (discount already applied on the page).

Invite a friend. See you there!

As you get older and go through many transitions in life, No one tells you how painful it’ll be to lose a friend. Not to death, but to the transition. A different kind of loss where you are here and they are there. A series of events happen, and distance sets in. They become distant and uninterested. You grapple with the reality of this change. No one prepares you for the grief that comes with losing friends as you go through life. From work and ambition, to losing a parent, to new seasons like marriage and motherhood, sometimes it’s hard to stay close to the people you once knew. As you figure some things out, others become more unclear and you ask yourself “how did we get here?” On one hand you might be making new connections and feeling good about this new life you’re building for yourself, and other times you just miss your old friends deeply. No beef and no love lost so why are we here? But you move on, wish them well and navigate the grief when their name comes up.

There’s a different type of loss that comes from losing your identity in a period of transition even as you form a new one. Sometimes it’s forced from a traumatic life event where you really are no longer the same person. Other times it’s happened slowly before you even realise it. Maybe you were once the person who threw big birthday parties. You loved hanging out with your friends and going out every week. You were the social butterfly within the friendship group and everyone saw your big bubbly personality from a mile away. Maybe it was the boundaries you started enforcing that pushed some people away. Or maybe one day you wanted others to try as hard for you as you did for them. And they didn’t. You stopped hanging out as much. Stopped inviting people over and they also let the distance set in. You started to prefer your own company and took up painting to cover the solitude. Whenever you got invited out, the nervousness from seeing your friends creeped in and you declined instead, suggesting a case of bad food poisoning. One or two people checked in asking if you were okay, but after a few hellos and hi’s it dwindled even as your extroverted nature turned introverted. Your quick replies turned into day old then weekly replies and soon all conversations died one way or another.

Life happens and two years have passed when one day you wake up and have an intense feeling in your heart. You cry your eyes out and you have no idea why you can’t stop crying.

Your therapist has you go back to where it all started and you start to realise you’re a completely different person. You almost can’t recognise this version of yourself because you’ve completely gone left from who you once were.

This kind of loss is difficult to put into words because we just file it under the category of “life has just been life-ing.” You can’t pinpoint where it started or how you got here. You just remember who you once were and you long for them to come back. But has too much time set in to make changes? Sometimes distance makes the heart grow fonder but other times it really just makes it clear the kind of relationship that you no longer want.

Whenever we get to a crossroad with ourselves or a relationship we are faced with three choices, although most people only see two.

1. You can turn left or right

2. You can go back to where you came from

3. You can chart a new path and direction

The third one is the one with many obstacles and no clarity so we often don’t even consider it. We are creatures of habit and like being told what to do and how to do it. We say we want autonomy but that’s only when we’ve been told what to do; then we want to figure out the how and all the other parts of the story. But generally in life no one is telling you what to do, or how to do it. I mean your parents can suggest for you to take one path, your friends might encourage you towards another — but in the end only you can decide what you will do.

Recently I’ve found myself thinking a lot about the past. Because of my mum mostly, but also want to take intentional steps to learn from my mistakes so that I don’t repeat them. Whatever we do not track or measure we cannot control so a lot of us end up repeating the same mistakes. Whenever something goes wrong in my life I take a step back and do an audit. How did we get here? How do we make sure we don’t get here again? This is especially important in marriage whenever my husband and I have a disagreement, no matter how small or not. We try to do an audit of the events that unfolded and work backwards on what happened. It’s tough and we try not to let our feelings get in the way of logic (read: we = I) but sometimes it does and the conversation isn’t as productive.

Sometimes we don’t know better, but when we do we don’t always do better anyway.

One thing I’m learning about loss is that it doesn’t just go away when the event or situation happens. You continue to deal with it, unpack, and live with it for a very long time. Your life grows around it, knowing that it has left its mark on you. But loss can also be a learning process - uncovering memories and making you intentional about the life you want to live. It gives you the kind of perspective that nothing else really can. The pain of loss may never fully heal but over time the intensity of it may lessen. Over time you will start to build a new life and reinvent yourself, picking up the pieces and deciding how to lay them differently this time around. When you choose to reinvent yourself - you’re really going to battle to war against everything standing between your current self and your future self. You’re warring against doubt, fear, confusion, anxiety and all the feelings of breaking out into something new. Emotions are heightened and people won’t get it. But as long as you know who you are, you’re good.

Not to be confused with an identity crisis - reinventing yourself is saying ‘I don’t want to be like this anymore. I’m outgrowing this person I am, and I need to come up higher into my new self.’ So often when we think about loss we fix our minds and emotions on the tangible things we lost. The physical presence of a loved one, the laughter, the smile, their scent. We remember how happy we felt when they were around. We look back at all the good times we left behind. But what I am coming to understand as I get older is that there is also something to be gained. Whether it is losing someone to death or to a transition, whether it’s even losing yourself, there is a silver lining. The glimmer you might be able to see if you zoom out is called perspective.

Have you ever noticed that when you go through an experience you become empathetic for others when they also go through it? Or when you have a negative experience you’re more cautious and protective so that you don’t go through it again? It’s like stubbing your toe and your body is automatically more alert to make sure you don’t do it again. Once the pain begins to subside or become more manageable, you have a healthy sense of awareness. As much as we would rather not experience pain or loss, I have come to understand and then accept that this is part of life. Instead of asking why, ask what. What am I supposed to do with this feeling? What am I supposed to learn? What response do you want me to have, Jesus?

I remember telling God I didn’t want to have the experience of losing my mum. I didn’t want to be the first one out of all of my friends to go through it just so I can be the encourager. I remember screaming, begging, pleading for this not to be part of my story. “We have so much life ahead of us. I am still so young and so is she. Please do not make this my story, God. Please.” You know how the story ended anyway. December 22, 2022 my whole life changed. And it took maybe until recently to finally decide not to hold on to the pain. Because you can hold on to it all - betrayal, regret, future plans, anger, denial - the whole lot. And you think by holding on to the pain, the world will see that you are honouring what was once there. You want everyone to know and acknowledge that you are hurting. You want them to feel the pain so that they understand it the way you do and why you will never be the same. Pain can be addictive - but don’t build an altar for your pain and stand by it against your own healing. It is okay to heal.

There are things you may remember that you don’t want to. Feel your way through it. There are pockets of hope and joy - let them in when they come. Let the light in and do not hold on to darkness. You deserve a healed version of yourself.

Sending all my love and healing to anyone experiencing loss of any kind.

Here’s a few things to know about me:

I love writing. I love reading. I love cooking. I love traveling. I love spending time with my friends and my family. I love going out on dates. I am a planner and a doer. I often have to urge to start a new project every so often. I also have delusional confidence in everything I want to do. I love my people hard. I’m friendly and pretty easy to get along with so generally make friends pretty easily.

Great, now that you know a bit more about me, would it be fair for you to tell me a little bit about you too? (Let’s chat in the comments, pls, and tysm).

I love my community, I really do. But I want to gather around a special group of people who want to redefine what community means to them. People who feel like maybe they’re always the ones doing too much, or thinking too much about others over and above themselves and wondering where their tribe is. Gather here.

Why am I telling you all these wonderful things about me (and hopefully, you’re doing the same right?)? Well, it’s because I want to gather a group of us who are more similar than we are different. The older I get, the more intentional and the more value I place on focusing more on my strengths and existing curiosity/interests than trying to change my weaknesses into areas of strengths or find new things to be curious about. In fact, I think that most of our lives, we should spend uncovering parts of ourselves that already exist and we just need to fan the flame to it, than taking on things the world wants to add to our identity. I have found that at least for the last 3-4 years I have been on a journey back ‘home’, with home being the place within myself I am my freest, truest, and highest version of myself. Where I don’t have to strive for something, but I naturally thrive at. Where I am not questioning why things are, but more accepting than acting on those things. Where I’m able to love the way I want and receive love the way I want to.

In this era of social media, influencing, and content, I think we’ve become a little too self-absorbed that we’re perhaps missing out on real-life connections and instead chasing surface-level connections. We want to be connected to everyone and seen by all. We want to be for everyone and want everyone to be for us. We want to have as many friends as possible and take various types of content showcasing us in a different light.

And maybe the pandemic amplified this. With videos going viral over every new dance trend, new influencers and content creators coming up, and just generally more hyper-fixation on our devices than ever before, we all grew way too accustomed to being by ourselves and being OK with loving people from a distance.

Whereas on one hand, we talked about how busy we all were pre-pandemic; with a thriving social calendar, invites and meet-ups with friends every weekend, and a pep in our steps when we walked, the other side of the conversation missing is all the ways those things did good for us. It made us less lonely as we saw friends so often, and it made us feel more comforted when life happened as we interacted with people every day, whether at work or just stopping by a friend’s after work. It made us enjoy watching the growth in our friends and being present for them as they experienced real-life firsts. First job. Celebratory party. First car. Celebratory road trip. Milestone birthday. Celebratory dinner party or games night. First promotion. Celebratory drinks. First marriage in the friend group. Celebratory gifts. And on and on I could go. Of all the things I miss before the pandemic, true connection the way we once knew it is what I miss the most.

Yes, I do not desire to be ‘busy’ for being busy sake. But it seems we’ve lost what we were busy doing. I remember having my first car and my dear friend who lived 5 minutes away from me taking me on the motorway for the first time because I was scared. I remember losing my grandma and being able to pop down to my friends, be looked after, and spend the night. I remember cooking and asking my friends to come try the meal and take some food home. I remember spontaneous movie nights after work. I remember all the coffee dates with my work colleagues where we chatted about how miserable we were, but glad to share in the misery with each other. I remember all the time I spent away from my phone because I having too much fun IRL (in real life).

Although a lot of people have said life is slower and simpler on the other side of the pandemic, which I agree with; I also think it’s duller and almost too delicate. We’ve ‘soft life’d our way out of the joys of some things I personally want to bring back. We’ve all become too focused on the things NOT going well or right in our lives. Like the constant pressure of making more money from every source possible. Or the need to become a content creator when all you want to do is just bake banana bread for your friends in peace. Or showcasing what you’re building so you don’t become irrelevant. We say ‘the economy is terrible, we’re all broke and barely surviving’ - yet people are able to make more money than ever before by their own influence, and I’m not talking about becoming a content creator. More people are taking ownership of their lives by starting businesses, quitting their jobs when they’re miserable and undervalued, pivoting into new industries, having second and third careers, and just creating unconventional pathways to their ‘dream jobs’.

But have we become so obsessed with ‘getting the bag’ that we are missing out on the other things that truly make life worth living? Have we reduced friendships to once-every-month dates, sending memes and occasional phone calls? Are we lacking the depth in relationships that it takes to survive when things are really tough? Are we all opting out of the real hard work of marriage, simply because we’ve idolised the fraction of what we see on social media and internalised as ‘relationship goals’?

My nature is generally someone who “does too much”. I want to throw surprise birthdays and parties. And I also want people who would do that for me. I love and believe in big celebrations of any and everything because life is too short to eat cake only once or twice a year. I want to take my friends to dinner and pay and it not be about ‘how much do I owe you?’ But ‘thanks girl, I’ll get it the next time’. I don’t want my life to feel small, because my community are too far removed from what is happening on a day-to-day basis.

Yes, I get that it will take more work from us to really make an effort and do life differently than we have from 2020 - 2023. But it is possible to rebuild the good parts of what we once had. It is possible to put things back together again in a different more sustainable way. I want a more tangible community this year. I want to see my friends more IRL than I see or speak to them online. Even it means group dates or just creating open hubs for us all to meet on a regular basis like someone’s house on a weekly basis, or coffee after work each Thursday. Whatever the thing is, as long as it is frequent and sustainable. Community stems from the word ‘communion’ which means “the sharing or exchanging of intimate thoughts and feelings, especially on a mental or spiritual level.” When last did you share or exchange intimate thoughts and feelings with a friend? When last did you check on how they are doing, beyond a surface-level text? Maybe it was yesterday, or maybe it was last week, but the question is - when will the next time be? In another week or in another month? I get that in our generation our community is spread wide and far. Most of my closest and best friends are miles apart from me and unfortunately, I’m not at the age or financial stage where I can pick up next Tuesday and get on a plane to Canada or Nigeria. And so I must find the community that is closer home to me. Without it feeling like I’m leaving out my friends in my current life, I must adapt to the life I want to have.

Life is happening. We are changing and growing so much in our twenties and experiencing so many different things and feelings - between managing work, romantic relationships, family, dealing with loss and tragedy, our health (physical and mental), and all the other parts inter-woven within these, I am worried that we are maybe missing the palpable joy of these moments. Not because things are easy or the economy is booming should we have cause to see each other and celebrate often, but because we demand this of our one big great life. It is a sacrifice to see your friends and be in-built within their lives and routines, but have you ever known someone so deep enough that you can identify when their sigh is one of tiredness, relief or sadness? Wouldn’t it be easier some days just to unload all your worries to a few trusted friends than holding it all in till you have a mental breakdown? And then you ghost people because ‘you just don’t want to burden them’.

We’ve settled too much into the convenience that anything that wants to take us out of our comfort zone if even to a more comfortable but maybe unfamiliar place, we resist. We’re too engrossed with our problems to share the load of another. Or we’re too focused on our own needs, and meeting them emotionally through a romantic partner that we discount the role of friends and even acquaintances. We do not have hobbies. We laugh mostly by ourselves from our tiny phone screens and are more distracted by everyone’s thoughts out loud that we struggle to differentiate what is our unique point of view. We dress the same, think the same, and have our lives curated for us the same way thanks to the social media algorithm. It’s job of bringing us together to make us feel more connected has left us empty and trying to fill a void with square pegs going into round holes. We were not built or made to consume so much of other people’s lives. We were not built to be exposed to so much violence, ,cruelty and anger in the world. I think we underestimate significantly how much social media has messed with the way we do *everything*. Because we are the first generation going through it. We’re the first set of people where this is even a thing, and so in many ways, we are all guinea pigs, unsure of what the result of this great big experiment with social reconstruction will be. It is only in another 20-30 years I reckon we will be able to measure the impact. And by then, what will be said about our lives? That we were all wanting to become content creators to monetise our hobbies so we got too busy for family and friends. That we preferred our own company because social media tricked us into thinking the people on the internet are our real friends so we’re never alone? Maybe I’ll be proven wrong, and we’d all be better for it at the end of the day. But I’m not waiting to find out. I’m doing my part today, to build the world I want to live in and the world I want my children to grow up in. Not just the larger society, but my personal society, where I have the most influence. I don’t know what is up Zuckerberg’s sleeve, but I know what is up mine.

Will you join me as we redefine what community means for us in 2024? Can we start, as I asked in the beginning, to please share honestly, some things about you that will make me, as a writer, feel more connected to you, as a reader, better than my laptop screen?

*PS: if you liked this newsletter, please share it on social media and tag me with your favourite takeaway. I’m on all platforms (Tiktok, IG, Twitter) @bukiiesmart.

Or maybe you were supposed to meet someone at a particular time but you had a clash and instead of moving the time for one you just decided to be late for one of them, or both of those commitments?

If you’re nodding your head at either of those then the question I have for you is — who is really in the drivers seat of your life?

And before you get defensive and want to assert that of course YOU are, hear me out.

I’ve been thinking a lot about how much of our lives we outsource to the decisions of other people.

We allow our employers dictate how we spend our days Monday to Friday.

We allow our friends and society to tell us what to do and how to feel about things.

We allow companies, brands, institutions that should be for our benefit tell us how to show up, what they consider beautiful or smart or funny or “ad-worthy” based on what works for them.

But what works for you? Does that deadline seem feasible or do you actually need more time? If you find out you have a clash or conflicting plans, can you take ownership and accountability and either reschedule, move the time or cancel?

If you follow me on socials then you’ll know that I’ve been ill for the most part of the month, or since February even, right after my last newsletter. Half of which was on bed rest and just truly feeling the worst I’ve felt in a really long time, if ever at all. My body was weak, exhausted and literally bed bound as I battled a terrible chest infection. Plus the stress of moving to a new team and organising a team summit really weighed on me. And then add on the other commitments I had with church, my Save Spend Invest team, my family and friends. For the first time in a long time, my body gave up. It said “nope. Today you will do nothing but shower, eat and sleep.” Rinse and repeat for nearly 7 days straight.

Amidst this, I was guilt ridden with the balls in the air I was dropping as a result of being ill. The people I was letting down by saying I couldn’t make it to somewhere or do something I had been assigned. Imagine that! Even though it was not my fault and there was nothing I could to try and make myself feel better or get over the illness quicker, I still felt bad.

The whole experience really opened a can of worms about my struggle with being the person that “does it all” and also in very many ways, people pleasing. Yikes.

I began to ask a bunch of questions as I unravelled my feelings about why I was so annoyed with myself (?!) about being ill. And at the root of it was this question — who is in the drivers seat of my life?

Am I the one driving or am I letting others hold the wheel or the breaks and tell me how to turn left, or steer me in a particular direction?

With my mum not being here I know that I have struggled with my identity, but recently I realised that I was also struggling with the direction that my mum usually provided from her life. She was the balance of work hard and play hard. She loved to work, but certainly loved to play. She was ambitious AND playful. She was hard working and creative. She “did the most” and was ever present. She mentored people, served at church, organised events for things like her secondary school reunion, managed our home including staff, made sure to take care of herself and her health, went on dates with my dad and was always available for him, spoke to us her kids nearly daily and did it all effortlessly.

No doubt that she was really in the drivers seat of her life. She didn’t let anyone dictate what she was going to do. She weighed up every decision about work, life and the choices in between and decided what she wanted to do. She made sacrifices, took some bold risks some of which paid off, some which fell short, and yet still loved life deeply.

I wish I could ask her HOW she managed to ‘do it all’. But even as I thought about her reply, I knew that my answer would be in the life lesson she taught me about taking control of my life.

When my mum was presented with a challenge, she asked herself two questions:

Can I take on this challenge?

Do I want to?

They may sound simple but these two things I saw quite literally make or break things. Some challenges seemed to not have the option to not take it on. Like when she had a health scare or work related urgent issue that needed to be taken care of. But in the face of these she still asked these two questions constantly. And asking these questions didn’t always mean the answer was positive. For the health scare, she decided she would take on the challenge so that she was healthy and able to live her life without fear. Did she want to? Of course, because it didn’t seem like she had a choice.

But she did have a choice. As I’m coming to find out about everything in life. We always have a choice. The question is will you choose or will you let life choose for you? For my mum, she never let life choose for her. In fact I remember asking her what the risks were in a procedure and if she really had to go through it. I asked for a second opinion from another doctor. But mum said she wanted to. It was her choice and she wanted to do it. She wasn’t going to allow “fate” decide anything. She would.

Years later I see how that one decision and seeing her make it, made us all better for it. It personified what taking ownership of your life looks like and means. I remember her telling us that when my dad proposed, most people would’ve been elated and said yes without even fully understanding the decision they were making. She loved my dad, but she said let me take some time to really think through this decision. She wasn’t going to allow emotions be the deciding factor. She wanted to be the one to choose— and each day for nearly 30 years she chose him again and again.

As adults it’s easy to feel like there’s always a decision to be made, with or without your say so. Someone is putting on an event and tells you what time it starts. You have a meeting for 9am. They need you to do XYZ in church and have a meeting before that for XX time.

When everyone is making these decisions and plans on your behalf, or even for you, do you stop and ask — can I take this on? Do I even want to?

Sure it’s easier to stay quiet and make everyone else happy for agreeing to the plan. But what’s the saying again — “good girl no dey pay” or “good girls don’t get the corner office”. Basically it means that if you are too busy pleasing everyone you’re likely letting yourself down or falling short of your own expectations and standards.

So even as I began to recover and get my energy back, all those commitments I had previously declined started to come back one by one. My calendar started being full again. Another meeting. Another event. Another social gathering. A get together invite. A lunch catch up. And on and on. For the first time in maybe a long time I didn’t blankly accept each invite. I reviewed it — can I take this on? Do I want to? Is this important for me to do or be there?

I let the answer of those questions naturally decide my acceptance or rejection of the invite. In most cases however, my answer may have been — yes I want to take this on but I cannot right now based on my capacity. Can I move the time or ask for an extension? If that didn’t work with the other party then I pulled out or cancelled altogether. Some things I wanted to do weren’t important so I had to park them for now and decide to reach out when I had excess free time to take it on.

This simple act has dramatically changed my life.

My new team at work is very hands on and it’s been an unusually extremely busy season. There’s loads of meetings and catch ups in my calendar daily. Initially I went to everything but within a week I was exhausted and desperately needed to change this for it to sustainable for me.

And so I began asking those same questions— can I take this project/meeting on? Do I want to? Based on my career development plan and where I want to be by the end of the year, is this important for me to do? Quickly I began to decline invites, pushed back on some deadlines or asked for more support.

Because my life is my own. My career is my own. My time is my own. I know it may not feel like that everyday but it is the truth.

Do not give away your power by allowing everyone else have an input into YOUR life and YOU have no say. If you are in environment that wants to silence your voice when it comes to your life or managing your time, maybe you’re in the wrong place.

Because if you let people run free with their own plans and deadlines for your life, they will kill you and ask how you died. Sorry, but it’s true. The other day I read about a lawyer who was doing 18 hour days for months for a big client. At the end of it, she was on her way home and ‘got hit’ by a train. She died. When the news broke out her employers said they knew she was doing 18 hours but they didn’t think she under ‘that much stress’. I sat down for 10 minutes in silence after reading it. It put everything in perspective that I’m saying in this newsletter.

When we’re young and starting our careers we’re a little bit naive and are at an all time high of people pleasing. We haven’t yet learnt skills to push back, ask questions boldly and have tough conversations. In many ways we haven’t learnt how to put ourselves first, yet. Because up until graduation from university, other people have told you what to do and how to do it, and they’ve thought about what was best for you without you thinking too much about it. But when you start work or your own business, it’s uncharted territory. We’ve never been here before and a lot of learning feels like it has to be done by default, i.e. you’re experiencing life first hand and things are changing very quickly. It’s hard to take a step back and truly think about what is happening to you, let alone if you have any say in the matter.

After taking my 4 month sabbatical in 2022 (read: funemployment after quitting my financial advisory job), I sat with myself and my thoughts for long periods of time. I wrote a lot; about what I wanted my future to look like, the kind of wife I wanted to be in a few months when I got married, to when I’d like to have kids and why, to how much I want to give myself to work, and what that work looks like (especially since I was pivoting careers). I thought a lot about how I want to show up for my friends and family, what type of hobbies I want to take up, and if I really wanted to be an entrepreneur after closing down my fashion business. It was a lot of questions with not many answers until towards the end of the sabbatical. I was 25 so I thought long and hard before deciding how I wanted to live life for the second half of my twenties. That’s when I started this newsletter, in the middle of my thoughts. I thought I had it all figured out until the end of that year when my mummy transitioned and I felt completely lost again. One year that changed my life completely - pivoted careers into a new tech job, got married and then lost my mum. An all time high of joy and deep sorrow. But this year, even as I pick up the pieces of my life slowly, I am reminded of that 25 year old - the formidable strength it took to leave a job that no longer worked for me without an inkling of where I was going next, to actively decide in when I wanted to get married and why rather than just being carried away by emotions or trends, and then praying for direction for a new job I had no idea what it could be and ending up in tech. My life now, even as I put it back together, has a strong bedrock to fall back on. Because I decided a while ago that my life was my own and no one else’s. This is what I fall back to whenever life gets as busy or tough as it’s been in the last few weeks. I (together with God), are in the drivers seat, and no one else will steer me in one way or another. Advice I can take, correction and feedback can be good, but before all else, I must know my own voice, and more importantly God’s voice. And only those alone will I follow.

I’m looking forward to the end of Q2 version of me, and all the amazing things she will tell you about. The lessons she learnt, the wins, the testimonies. This story is far from over but the rest is still unwritten… for now.

If you enjoyed this newsletter, please comment, like and share it on socials and tag me: bukiiesmart. I’m sharing a lot on Tiktok, and I do daily bible study on Instagram stories - come say hi!

“You don’t realise how far you’ve come.” That was the start of my self-dialogue as I entered February. If you’ve been here for at least the past year you’ll know that the end of 2022 for me was horrible and traumatic and that trauma will follow me seemingly all through 2023. I didn’t recognise myself for most of the year, and it wasn’t until I got to my birthday in August that I had to acknowledge that my life would never be the same again. Up until then I still thought I was in a daze and I was dreaming, but when the clock struck midnight on August 11th and I hadn’t heard from my mum on my birthday, I knew that life as I had known it had ended and this was now a rebirth. And so I actively began walking in uncharted territory. In September I surrendered to God and His will for my life. I had to convince myself that no matter how dire the situation was, God still had me safe in His arms. In October I released the first episode of this newsletter extended into a podcast called In My Twenties (you can listen here on Spotify, Apple podcasts or watch on Youtube). In November, the Save Spend Invest Conversation Cards launched and in December I signed my first ATS Bridal client.

When I got to the start of 2024, I still recognized how much pain and anxiety the new year brought, because just last year I was fully numb at the start of the year. But as January progressed and I continued trusting God, new things started to happen. I started saying “I’m good” and meaning it. I started reading my Bible every day and have been now for 50 days since the year started (ps I post my Bible study thoughts every day on my Instagram). I started asking for new opportunities— and they started coming, even the ones I didn’t think I was ready for. I started being more open to other people, especially people who had deeply hurt me last year. And I started journalling again. I’m sharing this with you so that you too can look inward and count your blessings, name them one by one. I’m sharing this with myself for my own good, to publicly document that even when it doesn’t feel like it, God is constantly at work in my life and this little life of mine will give Him glory. I’m sharing this because, friend, I think you need to see the words so that you can have faith that God has not forgotten you.

That you are not where you want to be should not take away from how far you have come. We often move through life without acknowledging the battles we’ve fought — and won. The places we’ve been and the milestones that have left a path for you to see that yes, in fact, you are growing.

All of this for me started from surrendering to God again. You can see the proof in my life, you can trace it back and connect the dots. When I did this, God did that. And continues to do this with me. In many ways, I still feel fragile. But I am open to repair. I am open for help, support and love. I am open to trusting that life isn’t all bad and that it can still be good.

Maybe what you’re looking for hasn’t come yet, but I am sure that something has come. The proof is in the pudding. A new year can sometimes come with anxiety after the high of the first few weeks. You may not have made much progress in your goals but can I remind you that you’ve still got time? We’re on day 51 of 366 days. We even get a bonus day, just for you to know that you’ve got time. Time is not running ahead of you even if it may seem like that some days. I have to constantly remind myself that I am exactly where God wants me, and also to pray that what is for me will not pass me by.

Whatever I’m supposed to do that isn’t done yet, will get done at some point, as long as I work towards it and give it my best. As I said in my last newsletter, hard work is waiting for us. Discipline is calling. Will you do what you said you will, or will you give an excuse? Will you allow yourself to put away distractions and focus? Some things that are helping me that I believe can help you to are:

1. Recognise the power of short-term goals. Maybe you need to temporarily forget what you want to accomplish by the end of the year, and instead focus on what you want to achieve by the end of Q1 which is March 31st (or 6 weeks away). I’m doing the 12-week year and officially, February was the start of my new year as I dedicated the whole of January to planning and preparing for the next 48 weeks ahead.

2. Break up your goals into daily and weekly tasks. To-do lists can be a double-edged sword. On one hand, they help you see all you need to get done. But on the other hand, they can easily overwhelm you. So one thing I’ve been trialling out over the last few weeks is “Two-do” meaning instead of writing a laundry list of all the things I have to do daily, I write and focus on only the 2 most important things. And I try to do them first thing when I wake up. I’ve also started time blocking and it helps assign time to my tasks - which I break up into even smaller tasks like the following:

- Two do: 1) Write newsletter

- Write newsletter tasks: 1) block 1 - thinking time, outline and draft 2) block 2 - write 3) edit newsletter and add any graphics 4) schedule and share on socials 5) reply comments

- So you see that one small to-do can quickly become multiple things spanning hours so it’s easier for me to break it up within my day or several days so I don’t get overwhelmed

3. Have your non-negotiables. Bible study has been a daily practice since the year started and I have committed to doing it as a non-negotiable. It has now become a habit that once I reach for my phone when I wake up I immediately go to my Bible app. Of all of my goals, this is my only non-negotiable, come rain and sunshine. Even while I was ill last week, because the habit has been set in motion I was still able to do this. Maybe you need to do the same thing, but I’d encourage only one or two non-negotiables.

4. Practice gratitude. This one will never get old but often I’ve found that when I want to complain about something or beat myself up for not doing something, I get a prompt from God to look inward instead and find something to be grateful for. Last week I missed my train to the office and had to wait over 20 mins for the next one and I could’ve gotten really annoyed because I ran for the train and was sweating. But instead, I laughed and laughed and started playing worship. Whatever God was shielding me from in the train I missed, I’m glad I missed it. And if it was just my own fault, then at least I’m grateful I had extra time to worship God. Gratitude doesn’t change the situation but it’ll change how you feel and that’s often what’s most important.

5. Seek help. I’m not used to asking for help, and sometimes I don’t want to because I think that I am quite independent and self-sufficient. But this year I’m not just open to receiving help, I’m asking for it. Whether it’s asking my husband to wake me up when he gets up so I can start my day earlier. Or asking for help at work when I don’t know what to do instead of wasting hours trying to solve the problem. Whatever help I need, I’m open to receiving and I’m asking for it too.

Finally, it pays to keep a record of your progress by writing often and taking pictures and I’ve started to do that too. Someone said it best like this:



It has helped me keep things in perspective and also be more grateful that indeed things are happening within me, and also externally.

I hope this helps and that you realise just how far you have come, and if it has, please share it with a friend who needs to hear these words. My goal is to hit 1000 subscribers of this newsletter and we’re about halfway there and it’s your support that will help me get there. I appreciate every single like, comment, repost, sharing on socials, and everything in between. I never take it for granted so thank you.

We’ve been here for too long. This era of self-care and soft life sprouted up with gusto in 2020. The year we all had big expectations, huge ones even. And then 26 days in, our first of many big blows - the passing of Kobe and Gianna Bryant. We all felt the mood change, but what would ensue within weeks was even bigger than we could’ve seen coming. What we all thought was a couple of weeks working from home, and fun dance challenges turned quickly into the panic years that followed. I’m not sure if we’ve all quite recovered from the pandemic. Some days it feels like it, but just a few weeks ago a co-worker still fell ill with Covid and I still got a little pang of fear going into the office.

I don’t know what it is about 2024 but the energy feels different. Different in a good way. Do you feel it too? But I have a feeling that it will be the year that great risks will meet greater rewards. If you’re bold enough to leave the good for the great, to step out of your comfort zone, to truly step into your highest self. Not the ones that fail on their promises, no, but the ones that commit to the journey and do the work for the results. But it would be amiss of me to disregard all the work you’ve already done so far. The good thing I like about the soft life is that it laid a soft landing for me. It taught me to slow down, enjoy the quiet, spend more time resting, and focus on everything that wasn’t pressured.

But, - and I have to acknowledge this - it also kind of made me… lazy. Contentment is good until it leads to complacency. Whilst we were all running baths and sleeping in, some others buckled up and got down to business. And whichever side of the fence you stood, the results are speaking for itself now. The truth is, even if we may not have seen tangible results from all these years that have been slower, less hurried, and quieter since the pandemic, the proof is in the mirror. It is you. Yes you, who has produced the results. It is in the way you are more patient with yourself, more loving, kinder, and softer. It is how you have found meaning in the mundane, and how much you have grown in wisdom and kindness of understanding and dealing with the world.

The result that we are looking for, first lies within, before we see anything externally. We are the fruit of our labor.

This year though, we are shifting gears, and in the best possible way, we are saying goodbye for now to the comfort we know. We have been here for too long. Comfort has turned into laziness and we are tired. There is a fatigue that I just MUST change to get to where I want to be. Significant shifts don’t come without significant changes. We have been told to let comfort be our source of happiness and place of joy. We were told to cultivate and only do soft things, forsaking anything hard or hustle. And whilst hustle in the traditional meaning is not what I am after, I do recognise the place of work and pushing through until something happens. We want tangible results, not just the internal ones, however great they may be. And that is fine. External validation, accolades, awards, and public praise - though they do not make or define you - are good things to aspire for. But they are merely milestones in our journey. To say that we were here. We came, we saw, and others felt our presence and our impact.

How long will you let comfort ruin you? As you continue to sleep in and toss and turn, as you mindlessly scroll away the time preciously handed to you, but cheaply given away to social media; how long will you stay here? The familiar has to give way to growth. We must make our happy place more than what is easy and comfortable. We must wake up and realize that tomorrow isn’t promised and start acting like it.

Joy and grief coinciding is now normal. As we grieve a part of our familiar selves, we will also experience joy for what is coming. We will stand tall, firm, and brave in the face of difficulty and move through with grace, courage, and pride. We have to remember that the race is not the one that runs the fastest or the hardest, but it is both time and chance that happens to us all. I believe this is the time, and we have been given the chance to get ahead this year. To no longer give excuses but instead deliver results. To stop questioning things and start being the answers you want to see. Over the past few years, we’ve been given a chance to rewrite the script of how we want to live, love, and work. We learned how to have a more intentional and present social life. We learned that we didn’t need to wake up at 5 am every day and only sleep for 5 hours to have a fulfilled life. We learned how to declutter our calendars, say no, and create boundaries. All of these things are great things. They are exceptional foundations, but they do not make up the whole house and show the full picture, and I think this is where we (or maybe just me) might have missed it. I threw out my 5 am schedule and replaced it with … no alarms, just vibes? I created boundaries for everyone else, but have I also fallen into the trap of shutting myself out of even the good things too? I am present with my social life, but am I prioritising that totally and completely above everything to the detriment of my ambition? These are the questions that have been floating around my head since the year started. Since I felt the shift and was trying to reconcile it to the version of myself that has been so carefully curated in the past 4 years. 2020 - 2023 Bukiie is so very different than 2024 Bukiie wants to be. They are similar but not the same. They run the same way, but in a different race and at a much different pace.

Maybe we should bring back focus and discipline. Maybe we realise that to do ‘smart work’ we must also give in to hard work. Maybe what we need is less cuddling of our insecurities and more facing up to the fact that we are not where we want to be. Maybe less sleeping in and more all-nighters working passionately on your projects. We’ve learned the benefits of sleeping 8 hours each night, but at the same time, how can we balance it with the days you are so deep into your creative flow that you just have to bypass your bedtime alarms and reminders? We can hold both things in our hands and decide depending on the day. I am not asking that we go back to the life we had pre-2020. Absolutely not. I wouldn’t want that for me or you. We’ve learned too much to ask to go back. And if anything, we know for sure, that our future is always greater than our past. But the point of this letter, dear reader, I hope hasn’t slipped away from you. The point of this letter is to hold all that you have learned so far, and all that is to come - specifically starting from this year. I am asking you to give greater weight to the discipline and training that lies ahead for us this year. If we are willing to go the extra mile, I have a feeling that more is waiting for us. More than we can think of, dare to imagine, or can ever expect.

Remember that there is a time and a season for everything. If like me, you’re also getting the feeling that the chapter of “laissez-faire” (French, meaning: allow people to do as they please) where you can do anything and get away with everything is coming to a close, and you’re ready to be ‘back on your zoom’ but not quite sure how to reconcile the former with the latter, do not worry. You are not alone. I too, am on this journey with you. I am also navigating this new waters and even as the rivers flow, I am trusting it to lead me to the path that God has called me to. Lately, my prayer has been ‘God, show me what is ahead. Show me how to do Your will so that I do not miss what You are doing in this season.’ It is both a prayer of warfare and help. Warfare because what is ahead isn’t going to be all roses and sunshine. But I want to be prepared anyway. Help because I will always need God’s help, and I want to do His will.



On the 31st of January at 2:14 am, I finally finished my vision board for the year. I believe that seeing the Vision will help me to get to where God wants me to be by the end of this year. Like I said in my previous newsletter, I cried when I started to put it all together. It is humbling even as I am seeing things happen already. So you see, I am not speaking of what I do not know, even if I do not know it entirely. But God said, write the vision and make it plain, so that he who sees it may be able to run with it.

“Then the Lord said to me, “Write my answer plainly on tablets so that a runner can carry the correct message to others. This vision is for a future time. It describes the end, and it will be fulfilled. If it seems slow in coming, wait patiently, for it will surely take place. It will not be delayed.”

‭‭Habakkuk‬ ‭2‬:‭2‬-‭3‬ ‭NLT‬‬

“The Lord answered me. He said: ‘Write down what I will show to you. Make it very clear on the page where you write it. Then someone can easily read it, and he can tell the message to other people. What I will show to you must happen at the time that I have decided. That is a future time, but it will certainly happen, as I have said. It may not happen very soon, but you must be patient. What I show to you will certainly happen at the right time, so wait for it.”

‭‭Habakkuk‬ ‭2‬:‭2‬-‭3‬ ‭EASY‬‬

You’ve prepared for this. The past 4 years in many ways have been your training ground, but of whom much is given, much more is expected. Great things are ahead, do you believe it?

30 January 11:02am

Happy New Year, LLT family! These past 4 weeks in January have been a time of intentional slowness, head down in prayer and fasting, and seeking God’s will for my life this year. I have cried at some of the plans He’s shown me because a lot of them seem bigger than I can see. As I recommit my life back to God and intentionally put all my trust in Him again, I have been met with more grace than I thought I was deserving. And then I realised that Jesus has made me worthy of His grace from the beginning, I only needed to ask for it.

I have been in no rush for January to end in all honesty. It has delivered to me a sweetness in the slow life that I now desire every month moving forward. How has it been for you? (Please reply in the comments, I love talking to you guys).

Whether you came into the new year guns blazing and ready to take on the world, or you came in a little skeptical, unsure where your feet would be planted, I bid you welcome all the same.

If nothing at all, this year is for those who will take it. By force or by softness, whatever you are calling into your year is yours for the taking.

My word for you this year is to do what you say you will do.

No matter how long it takes to get there or how many times you miss your way or fall short, come back to this one thing.

Do what you say you’ll do. A simple answer that I reckon you will need even as the year starts to take shape and form.

Whatever grand lofty goals you set, or whatever habits and systems you’re trying to put in place — do what you say you’ll do.

Even when life seems to turn you upside down, plant your feet firmly on the ground and commit to yourself. Give yourself the gift of discipline. Not in the rushed hurried nature that can accompany the word, but in the intentional practice of honoring yourself this way. Believe that you are worthy of the goals you are setting, and therefore deserving of the discipline it will take to get there. Discipline is not a chore. It is an act of self-care. It is saying to yourself that you matter, your dreams matter and you have the proof to back it up.

“Nothing changes if nothing changes” is one of my favorite quotes that I live by. To see a change in your life - whether in your spiritual, financial, emotional, relational or physical life, something has to give. You cannot live life the same way you did last year and expect new things to come your way. Life doesn’t simply honor your intention of being better, it honors the proof in you trying.

I believe that it doesn’t matter where you start, it’s just important that you do. Your ending of this year carries far more weight than the beginning, however, do not discard the obstacles you may face in the beginning. And when those obstacles come, do not be discouraged or grow weary. Although I reject the phrase that says ‘nothing good comes easy’ I also acknowledge that it may be the case sometimes. My prayer this year however is, God, for me, let it be easy. I know how many battles I’ve had to fight over the last couple of years. It may not be obvious because I am still here, but that is only because God is still in the business of winning battles and He alone deserves all the credit.

This year I want to walk a little taller, shout a little louder, take up space a little bit more, and finally allow myself to be seen, fully. In all the things I do, and in all the ways I show up, there are parts of me that have felt a little hidden or vain, even. I am grateful for being hidden, to be honest. I am not for everybody and it has not been my time to be seen just yet. God has had to work on me, my heart, and my character, to make sure that I can carry the armor He has put on me against this cruel world. I have been tested and tried and I have failed. But I have recovered and I have opened up my life to be used again. I have to admit that I have been scared to fully embrace everything I believe God wants to do this year, not just with me, but with anyone who is ready to commit to Him and say ‘Yes Lord, you can use me’. Not in any vanity or for your glory because God sees the heart, but truly that God’s name alone may be glorified. I am not sure what the next 335 days will hold for me, but I can see that God is finally ready for me to be launched out fully. And to that, I say ‘yes and amen’.

I am sure of this one thing - that the latter will be greater. For you and I both. Regardless of your feelings as you read this, I want you to search deep down and ask yourself if you truly believe that this is all there is to you. If your answer is yes, I am so thrilled for you. That means that you are living life at your optimal capacity and doing exactly what you are here for. If your answer is no, I am right there with you. I am holding out for you, and hoping - no, praying - that you will open your heart to Jesus and allow Him in again. I know you’ve been disappointed. I know you have dreamt big and it has not worked out how you thought. But can I tell you something? God uses everything. Your broken heart, even mine, is still worthy of being used. Better still, He will use your story for His glory such that the testimony of your life this year will be “(S)he is proof that God is able.” Able to heal. Able to restore. Able to recompense. Able to deliver above and beyond expectations. Able to bring all your heart’s desires to pass.

It is my prayer and hope that you do not rush this year. That you stop to notice the sunset on your way home or notice the smile lines on your parents as they look upon you, their most beloved one. Notice the gifts you have been given and how many people compliment you for them. Notice everything about this imperfectly perfect big little life that you live in. It may not be the one you wanted, but this life is all we have. We must make it good. It must be beautiful.

Nothing is missing. Nothing is lacking. You are complete and everything you need is within, you only need to be ready for it to be revealed. I’m excited, ecstatic even to go on this journey with you. There will be highs and there will be lows. This we know for sure, so let’s brace for impact. Guard your heart and protect your soul. Be mindful of who you let speak to you. You are carrying a lot so you must have a safe landing. This year, we go again. We trust again. We believe again. We fly again. I have so much to look forward to and I suspect you will too. So, are you ready?

*ps My goal is to hit 1000 subscribers of this newsletter by the end of the year and I’m about halfway there. If you enjoy my writing, please will you share it with a friend or two? I appreciate it a lot xx

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