Whether there’s any athletic benefit to be derived from smoking marijuana using a vape is debatable. Certainly, there must be some benefit to using PCP. It gives you superhuman strength, and it makes you largely (but not completely) impervious to physical pain, as if you were a black woman. Police tasers don’t even work on you. I’d be curious to see what a dusted Daejon Love could have done in the NFL.

Love wore an NFL outfit, including the helmet, everywhere he went, which is a level of dedication exceeding that of actual NFL players. You’d hardly recognize an NFL player, if you saw them in public. It could just be some ginormous black guy. When I was in Southeast Asia this past summer, I posed for photos with between 30 and 50 random people on the street, who may have thought I was an NFL player, or possibly Denzel.

Though arguably, NFL players should be required to wear helmets everywhere they go, like Cameron Diaz’s special-needs brother in the movie There’s Something About Mary. Many of them suffer from CTE and are therefore more likely to get into a car wreck going 200 MPH in a Lamborghini they’ve somehow wedge themselves into or injure themselves in a domestic violence incident, like that time Ike Turner hurt his hand going upside Tina’s head because she didn’t put enough stank on the vocals.

Read more

Off the top of my head, I couldn’t even tell you how many of those albums there are. Initially, there was just the one, King’s Disease. It must have worked out so well that they decided to record and release several more of them in quick succession, like 1998 No Limit albums

Except, I don’t know how many people actually bought those Nas and Hit-Boy albums. Were they even released as physicals? I’d be curious to know if they advertised the next one in the booklet for each album. If they didn’t, that was definitely a missed opportunity and might help explain why they’re not working together anymore.

Hit-Boy himself was hesitant to say why he won’t be working with Nas anymore, in an interview with DJ Vlad and Elliott Wilson, almost like Nas diddled him. Maybe the Little Homey put his hand on Hit-Boy’s thigh and then slid it up towards his crotch so that his thumb brushed up against the “Niggas in Paris” producer’s genitals. No Kanye.

There’s something about Hit-Boy that remains weirdly childlike, even though he must be getting on in years. He was genuinely young when he managed to nab a couple of placements on Watch the Throne, but that was was a long time ago. Don’t even bother to Google exactly how long it’s been. You’ve had a hard enough week as it is.

It’s not clear why Hit-Boy was being interviewed by both DJ Vlad and Elliott Wilson. Vlad has interviewed literally a million people, going back to the mid to late ‘00s. What would he possibly have needed Wilson for? One theory: I didn’t watch the interview, but maybe they had Elliott ask any questions having to do with the song “Niggas in Paris,” so they didn’t have to bleep it out when Vlad said it.

Or maybe Elliott had to get a job at Vlad TV and this was part of his on-the-job training. When I used to work at a Hardee’s, I had to stand next to a guy and watch him make All Star burgers for a day or two before they let me do it myself. They put the toppings on in a certain order, and there’s a real art to folding the little wax-paper diaper they put around it. It took a while until I really had it down.

Hit-Boy said that there was something or other that happened between him and Nas, and that’s why they’re not working together anymore. If the goal was to prevent people from speculating, then obviously he failed miserably. He could have just lied and said that they accomplished everything they set out to accomplish and now he’s ready to move on to another challenge.

As much as I’d like to think that this conflict was a matter of Nas making sweet, passionate love to Hit-Boy’s sister, or getting drunk and accidentally peeing on his rug and then refusing to pay to have it replaced because he insists that he can’t smell it anymore, it’s probably just a matter of neither of them making any money from those albums.

As the owner of Mass Appeal, Nas has access to the financial statements—the real financial statements, not the ones they show the artists when it comes time to explain why they won’t be receiving any royalty payments. Nas probably looked at how much he made from those six Hit-Boy albums, compared to how much he receives each month from Palantir, and was like, fuck that shit!

A few weeks ago, after Jay-Z’s series of shows at Yankee Stadium, Hit-Boy went on social media to receive credit for still getting checks from having produced “Niggas in Paris.” You got the sense that this was his only such royalty check. He’s since landed other placements and released rap albums of his own, including his surprisingly listenable collaboration with the Alchemist, but probably none of them have sold nearly as well.

I’ve also heard speculation that Hit-Boy wanted Nas to work with his father, who was pursuing a career in rap after a lengthy stint in the pokey. He’s since been thrown back in prison, and Hit-Boy might blame Nas for that, especially if the father got caught committing a crime on a Ring camera. Could the Little Homey have intervened and possibly deleted that footage? If only he wasn’t forced to block Hit-Boy’s number in his phone.

Meanwhile, what do they have?

Fortunately, their Internet probably isn’t working, after Israel bombed the entire country—er, open-air prison, or whatever it is—into oblivion just because some guys showed up to an EDM concert in parachutes and took some girls hostage, as one does.

In Gary, Indiana, they don’t even have power, and that’s here in the US—a first-world country! It’s been out for like a month, so it can’t just be a matter of someone having kicked a plug from an outlet at an especially raucous house party, and people keep shooting at utility workers whenever they show up to fix it. Understandably, they’re upset about not being able to keep their popsicles frozen.

Is Freddie Gibbs aware of this? He gets banned from Instagram on the reg for posting things that are clearly in violation of the app’s terms of service, so it can be hard to know what he’s been up to, unless it somehow ends up on the news.

East Palestine, as I recall, is the place where Netflix, a while back, staged the derailment of a train filled with nuclear waste in order to promote a Noah Baumbach adaptation of a Don DeLillo novel. I heard they spent like $100 million, and a lot of that must have gone to the derailment. The movie itself was no Squid and the Whale.

Is San Francisco 49ers owner Jed York a fan of the book and/or the movie? That might help explain what he was doing in East Palestine—or Ohio at all, for that matter. Maybe he was curious to know what effect, if any, exposure to radiation has on a girl’s vagine. Maybe it makes it glow in the dark. In addition to being cool, that would be convenient, in that it would help you locate the opening in the dark—if, say, her face was too ugly to make sweet, passionate love to her with the lights on.

I imagine that would be the case for a girl who’s charging $140 for even the front-door entrance, in the post-Joe Brandon era. For that price, you almost can’t afford to not have sex with her. It would cost me more to drive to East Palestine than it would for the “throw,” and it might still be worth it.

It sounds like she wasn’t even charging extra for access to the double-wide. I’d be willing to score with her out of doors, since I’m assuming there aren’t very many people in this town anymore, but it might be necessary to take the party inside, depending on what time of day it is, to see if she really does glow in the dark.

Read more

I’m less convinced that it’s an efficient, justifiable use of taxpayer dollars to still be investigating the assassination of Tupac Shakur in 2026. What difference does it make, at this point?

Pac’s alleged assailant, Duane “Keffe D” Davis, a/k/a Covfefe, is 63 years old, a full five years past the natural life expectancy for black men in the US. What if they find him guilty and he drops dead on the bus on the way to prison? Not only would that be highly inconsiderate of whoever he’s sitting next to, it would be a complete waste of our time and money.

They’ll have to keep Covfefe’s wrists and ankles shackled together while he’s en route, lest he tries to pull a Con Air, and that’s likely to cut off his circulation. You see what happened to George Floyd.

Before this trial continues any further, they might consider bringing the defendant outside and having him run a few laps around the courthouse, with no walking breaks or anything—like running the mile in 8th grade PE. If he doesn’t drop dead, maybe we can agree to just let this slide.

It’s August, so I’m sure it’s hot as balls in Las Vegas, though not as humid as it is here in my native STL. There’d be minimal concern about “corn sweats” or the “wet bulb temperature.” The dry desert air might be to his advantage, if he smokes Newports, which it looks like he does.

Of course you wouldn’t present it as a contest to get out of jail free by performing an athletic feat. Other criminals might see that and try to take advantage of a situation, like people from certain demographic groups trying to return used lawn furniture at Costco, if my For You tab on X f/k/a Twitter is to be believed.

No, this would be a test to determine if Covfefe is fit to serve time in prison. If his VO2 Max isn’t high enough, he could be an easy target for the likes of Fleece “Booty Warrior” Johnson, which would constitute cruel and unusual punishment. He could argue his case to the Supreme Court and possibly get out, thus defeating the purpose of prosecuting him in the first place.

Sometimes they let people out of prison because they’re too old and sick to continue to serve time. I wonder how they go about determining that. If it’s a guy, I guess you can just take him at his word. I don’t know that there’s a male equivalent of the many fake diseases women these days are claiming to have, including Long Covid, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, Lyme Disease, PCOS(?) and Celiac. I swear, every time I go on Reddit they’ve come up with a new one.

Covfefe wasn’t the shooter anyway, and I’m always wary of these cases where people get locked up just for riding in the car with someone who committed a crime. I wonder if they’re trying to prevent crime or if they just don’t want black people to go anywhere. That would explain people getting pulled over for Driving While Black, as well as Stop ‘N Frisk.

The real perp was Covfefe’s nephew, who was the same guy who got stomped out by Tupac and Suge Knight at that Tyson fight, for stealing some other guy’s chain. (Make it make sense…) He’s been dead for nearly as long as Tupac. If only Covfefe could have provided him with the proper guidance. That may have been why he was in the car that night, and the judge ought to take that into consideration.

I’m seeing more and more cases where young black men are getting caught committing crimes with their fathers or various other older male relatives, and it warms my heart. It makes me want to go out and do something illegal with my own father, maybe a little shoplifting. The Pooh Shiesty situation is a prime example. People complained that he would accompany his son to force Gucci Mane to sign a contract at gunpoint, but would you rather he wasn’t involved in his son’s life?

I think most reasonable people can agree that it’s too bad that Tupac is no longer with us, if only because I’d be curious to know what he’d post on X f/k/a Twitter (I feel like we’ve got enough of his music), but prosecuting random black senior citizens isn’t going to bring him back; nor is his alleged assailant, if he’s convicted, likely to spend much time in prison. If the purpose is to find out what happened, the prosecutor could have just watched VladTV and solved this as well as any number of other crimes. I say it’s time to let sleeping dogs lie.

Arguably, it was the worst thing that happened that year.

It was already highly unlikely that I’d ever make sweet, passionate love to her, but now it was all but certain that I wouldn’t be joining the likes of Arruh, Dame Dash, Jay-Z and God knows who else.

Don’t let me find out Jet Li hit that.

Panettiere was off my radar by the time she took that last, fatal hit, and I wonder if that contributed to her descent into the drug abuse that would eventually kill her. Had she struggled to find work?

She wasn’t half bad-looking in the few more recent photos I’ve seen of her, though who knows when those were taken. But she was well into her 30s, which, eww!

Read more

I’m sure my parents would understand. They’ve known me since the 1980s, so they’re well aware of my prospects of scoring with such a woman otherwise. Even if there was a way you could just pay, I don’t have the money. This would spare them from having to pony up.

Drake could almost certainly just pay to make sweet, passionate love to Pinkychu, or whatever her name is, the slightly chubby half-Asian OnlyFans creator he won in a 20 v 1 on Adin Ross’ livestream, but he’s gotta be careful paying for it rather than just pretending to be interested in anything she says and implying that he’d be willing to fund her lifestyle indefinitely in exchange for being allowed to have sex with her once or twice.

It’s illegal to purchase access to a woman anywhere other than that place in Las Vegas where Lamar Odom almost died, but it’s only kinda illegal. You get busted, they take you down to the station and you’re out later that evening. Later, you can have a lawyer from any given background bargain it down to a speeding ticket for driving a car with a busted tail light. If you get busted on a Friday evening, you might have to spend the entire weekend in jail, which could get dicey, if anyone needs to go number two.

The problem arises if you need to take a girl elsewhere to score with her, like if you can only get a rod in Illinois. Then it’s covered under white slavery laws that were created to deter boxer Jack Johnson from interracial dating. He persisted, and that’s just one of the reasons he should be considered a great athlete. More recently, that was how Diddy got caught up. If he’d paid guys locally to service 50 Cent’s baby’s mother while he watched, he might not be in prison. That video of him trying to punt Cassie’s head to the moon was already past the statute of limitations. Do guys in New York not have big enough schlongs? No Diddy.

I’m not sure if such laws apply to Drake’s native Canada, but I wouldn’t want to risk it. Andrew Tate recently got locked up for sex crimes committed in another country after Trump already intervened to bust him out of a Romanian prison on orders from Baron von Trump, who must listen to a lot of podcasts. Tate was busted by US Marshals on an extradition request from England, where he’s already been acquitted of upwards of 20 sex crimes. If the other umpteen other alleged victims were lying, what does that tell you about this new batch?

No but really, Drake is in a tough situation because Kendrick Lamar implied that he tried to groom the girl who played Eleven on “Stranger Things” during the halftime show at last year’s Super Bowl, one of the most watched TV programs of all time, up there with the last episode of “M*A*S*H.” People who don’t even listen to rap music are aware of his alleged proclivities. The feds will use such allegations to hit you with a RICO even if they’re specious in nature. If you read through the charges against Diddy, they cite the guy who claimed that the “Can’t Nobody Hold Me Down” rapper tried to stick a thumb in his asshole while they were on a boat with Cuba Gooding Jr, an obvious cash grab. Is Cuba Gooding Jr even allowed to be on a boat? He might try to sail to Cuba to escape charges of being handsy with white chicks who aren’t old enough to have seen Jerry Maguire.

Similarly, I’d have to recommend that Drake not demand a percentage of Pinkychu’s OnlyFans, even though he’s arguably entitled to. I’d never even heard of this girl, and I’m about to go have a look as soon as I get done writing this. I’ll only be looking for things people pilfered and posted for free on Reddit, but even that contributes to her earnings, because OnlyFans use sites like Reddit, X f/k/a Twitter, Instagram and what have you to funnel people to their paid content. In a sense, I’m about to do this girl a favor.

In addition to the $100 million or whatever she’s about to make from OnlyFans, Drake agreed to buy her mother a house. He said to pick one out and that he’d pay for it. He didn’t specify how much it could be, so she could pick a ginormous house like Rick Ross’. Maybe they made her sign an agreement afterward with a lot of fine print like Publisher’s Clearing House. On TMZ, there’s a video of Pinkychu explaining to her mother that Drake agreed to buy her a house after winning exclusive access to the OnlyFans creator on Adin Ross’ livestream. She seemed less surprised or confused than you’d think to hear of such an arrangement. Hmm…

Better in fact than seeing the Odyssey in an IMAX theater, if only because what sense does it make to pay extra to see, in a large format, a movie that doesn’t even have any special effects—unless you count whatever it is they’ve done to Elliot Page?

Does Page have a unit now? On a large enough screen, you could probably find that out, even if Christopher Nolan hasn’t chosen to emphasize that.

Even if you have to pay an extra $5 or whatever, it might be worth it to see Too $hort at Sea World. I saw a video of his performance yesterday on X f/k/a Twitter, and it was lit! Who knew so many black women were into aquatic wildlife? You’d think they’d be worried about getting their hair wet.

Read more

Jadakiss is involved in a beef with an even more obscure rapper named 38 Spesh (presumably named after the early ‘80s-era rock band) that somehow led to Jim Jones’ wife catching a few strays. It doesn’t make sense to me, logically, how that could happen, but I’m glad that it did, and I might have took look into this further, for the sake of music journalism.

As if Jim Jones wasn’t having a hard enough summer, what with the weather, being foreclosed on and whatever his wife did, he was forced to ride a bicycle—or so he claims.

It doesn’t make sense how a grown man could be forced to ride a bicycle. Certainly, you could see Joe Jackson forcing the Jackson 5 to ride bicycles. Wasn’t there a scene with them riding bicycles in that cartoon they used to have back in the ‘70s? That may have been what that was based on.

The Zone 2 cardio would have been good for their stage performance, so they could sing and dance at the same time without worrying about getting winded. If they refused to ride a bicycle, or if, God forbid, they lost their breath on stage, he would of course just break his foot off in their ass.

Jim Jones says that Fabolous forced him to ride a bicycle across the Brooklyn Bridge. Did he lose a bet? Could he not afford an Uber? You have to have both a cell phone and a credit card to get an Uber, thus preventing many homeless people from quickly and easily getting back and forth to the airport. That might be something for New York Mayor Zohran Mamdani to look into. He’s already made it free to get on the bus.

You can get a credit card again after you’ve been foreclosed on and your credit has therefore been ruined, but it takes like seven years, so I’m not sure what Jim Jones is doing in the interim. I’m not even sure how he got on that bicycle. It appears to have been a rental. If he did any damage to it when he fell off of it, Fabolous could be on the hook. I wonder if they make you take pictures of the fenders before you drive it off the lot, like a rental Nissan Altima, lest they accuse you of getting into an accident. They probably only do that if you opt to not get the extra insurance, so they can take your ass to the cleaners, knowing good and well you wouldn’t be in a rental Nissan Altima in the first place if you had that kind of money.

This may have been Jim Jones’ first time on a bicycle. It was an ebike, raising the question of why he didn’t just put the pedal to the metal. Don’t those things go like 40 miles per hour? He wasn’t wearing a helmet, and if he’d gotten into an accident going that fast his brains almost certainly would have spilled out onto the pavement. He may have been afraid. In the video he posted, you can see that he’s been crying. A (free) city bus is riding his ass like it might run him over, and people are riding up alongside him cursing him out and making homophobic remarks as if he’s Dustin Hoffman in the movie Midnight Cowboy, making the sight of the bus in the background that much more poignant, not to mention the fact that Jones always looks like he has the sniffles.

Jones is going to have to have a talk with Fabolous. He could have died! He says that he fell from the bicycle and hurt himself and also lost his glasses. How is he going to replace those glasses? I used to work with a guy who couldn’t afford to buy glasses and was therefore forced to wear the free pair he was given in the Army. Apparently, they’re very recognizable in the economically challenged white part of town where I used to work. This was a sensitive issue for him, because people would come up to him wanting to talk about it, and he’d been kicked out of the Army for being too much of a wimp. They don’t give you severance pay or anything, if you get kicked out of the Army. It’s tragic, really. At least they don’t make you give those glasses back.

Possibly the worst part about this for Jim Jones is that his wife refuses to give him a blowski, if the 38 Spesh song about him is to be believed. Imagine having a night like the one he just had and having to go home and rub one out in the next room. I can see her not wanting to put her mouth on him until he gets back on his feet, especially if she lost some personal items when they were kicked out of their house. You don’t want to reward failure. But I feel like these are special circumstances. He’s been through a lot, and he needs comfort.

Arguably, Memphis Bleek invented DoorDash, and it’s only right that he should be given equity in the company, the same way Nas was given equity in the company that records black people walking down the streets of white neighborhoods and sends it to the police just in case, thus preventing Bleek from having to contemplate pushing Jay-Z down a flight of stairs just to get his $1 million.

Pizza restaurants and the Chinese restaurant in the TV show “The Wonder Years” have been known to deliver food from time immemorial. (The latter was the one Chinese restaurant that was known to employ white people and therefore has to be considered suspect.) But there was never such a thing as ordering delivery from an Outback Steakhouse. Did they even do takeout? A lot of places didn’t even go to curbside-to-go until Covid.

In 1996, the idea of calling someone and having them bring you a Bloomin’ Onion was unfathomable. The president couldn’t even do that. He had to sneak out at night and get it himself, like in the movie The American President. (Bill Clinton was sneaking out of the White House at night, but for other reasons.)

Beyond the fact that it just plain wasn’t allowed, delivering a Bloomin’ Onion carried with it a certain difficulty. As they say in the industry, that dish doesn’t travel well. You have to poke little holes in the Styrofoam container it comes in, or it gets all soggy from the steam that builds up inside of it. (I still would have eaten it, but I wouldn’t have enjoyed it as much.) How many people would have known to do that back in the late ‘90s?

Read more

I heard a brief clip from the hearings on NPR the other day, and it was like that old sketch from “Chappelle’s Show” where reputed drug dealer Tron was dragged before Congress as if he were Michael Corleone in the second Godfather movie and forced to plead the Fifth Amendment so many times that he ended up having to turn it into a song, just to switch things up.

At one point, they asked Fauci what color tie he was wearing, and he wouldn’t even say that. Clearly, the guy is lying.

I’m glad, by the way, that we’re continuing to litigate Covid. I put on the Joe Rogan podcast the other day, because fellow kook Tim Robbins was on, and you guys know I’m a ‘90s brother until the bitter end, and I was concerned that there might not be an hour-and-a-half-long digression about the time CNN had the utter temerity to suggest that Covid miracle cure Ivermectin is otherwise known as a cattle dewormer. You can imagine my relief when the conversation somehow turned to a Covid-era play Robbins was in where the crowd may have been required to present proof of vaccination, thus giving Rogan all the excuse he needed. Whew!

Nicki Minaj weighed in on the Fauci hearings on X f/k/a Twitter, implying that Fauci is teh ghey and predicting that he’ll one day be forced to eat via a feeding tube, along with a possibly Grok-generated image of him lying on the floor in an age- and gender-inappropriate bedroom, writing in his diary, presumably about how he duped millions—probably billions—of people into allowing themselves to be injected with soft-kill weapons that interfere with male reproductive function and may lead to psychological issues in women in which they come to be convinced that they’re suffering from various fake diseases, including Lyme disease, celiac disease, chronic fatigue syndrome and long Covid.

It’s not clear if Fauci will require a feeding tube because he caught some disease as a result of being teh ghey or because he took the Covid vaccine himself. I know they’ve got some pill you can take that allows you to take it up the coat as much as you’d like without worrying about catching AIDS. You’re forced to sit through commercials about it if you’re trying to power through yet another season of “The Bear” on the ad-supported version of Hulu. They’ve been running ads during Fat Joe and Jadakiss’ podcast suggesting that black women should consider taking it as well, even though it was originally intended only for teh ghey guys. Certainly, they ought to consider it if they’re planning on doing the nasty with any DL brothers, but of course they can’t say that in the podcast ad. This is not the aforementioned 1990s.

It doesn’t make sense that Fauci would get the jab himself, if he knows that it’s really the mark of the beast, but who knows. Congress might want to consider forcing him to take a test to reveal if he’s got any of the vaccine in his system, along with any teh ghey-related VD he might have. I’d suggest that they could just pull his records, but it would have been entirely too easy for him to fake taking the jab. He could have even filmed himself being shot up with a placebo. Remember that time Obama went to Flint and pretended to drink contaminated water? It’s a shame that such nefarious individuals were allowed to be in positions of power, and it’s a testament to Nicki Minaj’s perceptive ability, and the strength of her character, that she clocked them and took them to task on X f/k/a Twitter, as one does.

It was the talk of X f/k/a Twitter yesterday, at a time when the war with Iran is back on for the umpteenth time and there’s an insignificant primary election coming up (I’m definitely not using my PTO just to get someone else a job), and people aren’t wrong to be deeply concerned. What is the world coming to, when a black woman turns down an opportunity to feel Usher’s unit rub up against her “on the arm?”

Read more

It seems that they don’t want black women anywhere these days: in the WNBA; in the new Christopher Nolan movie; behind the wheel of a new Nissan Altima. Soon, they won’t have anywhere they can go. Not that they’d have a way to get there anyway.

I’m particularly concerned that black women are no longer as welcome in the WNBA as they once were. There was a time when the league consisted seemingly entirely of black women who would prevail in a fight with a guy. Joe Biden even went so far as to release a notorious war criminal from prison to secure, in exchange, the release of Brittney Griner from a Russian prison, where I’m sure she would have been perfectly fine.

Fast forward to 2026, and the adorable Sophie Cunningham has become the face of the league. She showed great courage in pointing at one of her black competitors, who must have fouled her, in a gesture that’s become the most indelible image associated with the league. It’s been suggested, at least somewhat seriously, that it should be the new logo.

I can’t tell you that I would have had the courage to do the same thing. She was at a safe enough distance, but these are in fact athletes we’re talking about. She could have lost that finger. I was even more impressed when she made the bold declaration that transgender women shouldn’t be allowed to play women’s sports. Which I actually don’t agree with. As George W Bush would say, I’m not a hater. But of course I would never cop to that in her presence. My self-esteem isn’t high enough.

You’d think the Internets would appreciate Drake continuing to associate with Sexyy Red, years after the song in which she declared that, while her bootyhole is brown, her vagine is pink. That turned out to be a lie, as revealed in the video of her latest child being conceived, which somehow found its way onto the aforementioned X f/k/a Twitter, possibly in retaliation for her sharing her political views on Theo Von’s podcast. Was Kendrick Lamar involved with that? I know he’s in cahoots with the Democrats. Barack Obama is a big fan of To Pimp a Butterfly, along with the boygenius album. He switches back and forth between the two of them depending on if Michelle is in the car with him. We know who wears the pants in that household.

Sexyy Red is featured on one of the new Drake albums, or possibly all three of them. How should I know? (Have a listen and report back to me.) That would have to make her, by default, the top female rapper in the game. Who else would even be her competition? Nicki Minaj is out here giving speeches at Trump rallies, possibly in an attempt to get her husband’s name removed from the sex offender registry. I haven’t been able to look at Cardi B the same way since I heard that her BBL smells, and I don’t think she’s had a hit in a while anyway. Yung Miami supposedly has the song of the summer, despite India.Arie’s best efforts, but I don’t know that I’ve heard it anywhere other than Fat Joe’s podcast. If it really is a plot by USAID to convince impressionable black kids to commit crime, so they can be thrown in prison, they’re gonna have to do a better job of getting it heard. Of course they said the same thing about Sexyy Red.

Regardless, it was a generous gesture by Drake, artificially extending her career like that. Not only did he gift her the Birkin bag that the two of them showed off on his Instagram, he invited her to the Nike suite at the World Cup. As was the case with Sophie Cunningham pointing at one of her black counterparts in the WNBA, this must have come at at least some personal risk to him. Recall what happened that time the RZA took Azealia Banks to a party at Russell Crowe’s house. We know, from the unfortunate incident with Kanye a few years ago, that these shoe companies will cut a rapper off, if necessary. Was that the purpose of the (presumably) expensive purse, so that she’d be on her best behavior?

As far as why he’d even bother with Sexyy Red, I don’t buy the argument that he’s trying to seem more authentically black. Iceman has dominated the charts since it was released. His crushing, embarrassing defeat in the battle with Kendrick Lamar has been rendered irrelevant, as a result. Why should he care whether he’s considered black enough? Maybe he’s palling around with Sexyy Red because he really does like her music. I’d argue that that bootyhole brown song is at least as good, if not better, than any other female rap song—and many male rap songs, for that matter—and I’d question the motives of anyone who would suggest otherwise.

It always smells at least kinda bad at a Taco Bell, but this was especially bad. It hit you as soon as you walked in the door, like the BO on one of these African guys who wear shiny dress shoes with sweatpants and don’t comb their hair.

How did the people who worked there manage to put up with this? Could they not smell it anymore after a while? Were they somehow immune to it, the way people in Mexico can drink the water but if you were to drink it you’d probably die?

Back when I used to work at White Castle, everything I owned smelled like White Castle. You couldn’t just keep your job uniform in your car and hope the smell didn’t get into your home. I already tried that. It somehow seeped into your pores. But it’s not like I didn’t notice. It was gross!

I’m not gonna lie. I went into that Taco Bell, walked right back out, but then I just got into my car and went through the drive-thru. I wasn’t about to not eat Taco Bell just because the inside of the restaurant smelled like Jeffrey Dahmer’s apartment, nor was I about to drive to another location, which may have also smelled bad.

Read more

It makes enough sense why that would be the case, given that the app is owned by Elon Musk, who has a direct line to the president. He was in charge of DOGE, the government efficiency initiative that resulted in black women being fired en masse from their cushy entitlement jobs. The economic impact was such that Nissan was forced to discontinue the Altima.

You’d have to check the timeline on that, but it seems like it must be true. It’s spiritually true, anyway. This wouldn’t have been an issue, if Kamala had won the election, and she wouldn’t have lost, if it weren’t for record numbers of black male Trump supporters, leading some of our more astute cultural observers to declare that straight black men are the white people of the black community, or something to that effect.

Would Kamala have done anything at all to benefit the black community, if she had won, other than pass a law stating that black women are allowed to show up to work in a bonnet, especially if it’s getting to the point in the month where their check is starting to run out? That’s neither here nor there to me, since I’m both bald and a guy. Trump, to his credit, issued presidential pardons to Kodak Black and Lil Wayne, and he may have intervened when A$AP Rocky was locked up overseas.

Trump has no jurisdiction in foreign countries, but obviously it’s in their best interest to take his phone call, as demonstrated when he tried to cheat on the US team’s behalf in the World Cup. He got our guy, who turned out to be an anchor baby from Africa (of course he was), off suspension. If only the rest of the team was better at soccer. They may have had too many white people.

It may not have occurred to Lil Boosie to endorse Trump during the election, since he’s almost certainly not allowed to vote. He’s an umpteen-time felon who’s rumored to have paid a child gangbanger to pop caps in several people’s asses. He’s done hard time in the pokey, where he witnessed two guys bufuing in the shower, not realizing that the Coke can sitting on the floor at the entrance meant that there was something teh ghey going on. Is it any wonder he’s not trying to go back to prison?

If there was only a way Lil Boosie could explain this to the president, I’m sure Trump would sympathize with his plight. Who would want to see that? Hence, presumably, the check for $600,000. The idea was not to purchase a pardon, which might be illegal. It was to get his case in front of the president, who would see that Boosie shouldn’t be facing federal gun charges anyway. It’s not like he did anything wrong.

Here in St. Louis, you can have a gun if you want to. You can bring it pretty much anywhere other than the DMV (where you might be too tempted to use it). You don’t even need a license. I’m sure that’s also the case in Lil Boosie’s native Louisiana… except if you’re an umpteen-time felon. You’re not allowed to legally own a gun, if you’re a convicted felon. But it doesn’t really make sense why that would be the case, since a convicted felon is not going to follow the law anyway. By definition, they’re people who could give a rat’s ass what the law is.

We can only hope that Barron or Don Jr or someone sees this and brings it to the president’s attention. Trump can’t have people out here invoking his name to fleece the black community—not to mention Erika Kirk, who’s been through enough as it is. Not only does it make him look bad, but it could hurt the Republicans’ chances in the midterms. They’re already down one guy, with Lindsey Graham dying, and it’s only a matter of time before Mitch McConnell goes. He might already be dead. They need as much support as they can get. They might even need to see about granting convicted felons the right to vote.

I wasn’t there when it happened, but you could tell from the look on Gucci Mane’s face that he was telling the truth, and that he was disgusted that she would try to suggest otherwise. Pshaw!

I was hardly surprised, then, when it was revealed that DJ Envy’s lucrative real estate investment opportunity is a massive ponzi scheme… allegedly. I’m just glad my play cousin Killer Mike didn’t get caught up in it. Instead, he’s chosen to invest in a fish restaurant along with T.I.

Similarly, it hardly comes as a surprise that Charlamagne is on the Roc Nation payroll and has likely been using his platform to spread Jay-Z propaganda, as revealed by DJ Akademiks on X f/k/a Twitter.

Read more

I know when people are charged with cruelty to animals it’s usually some sick shit, and possibly sexual in nature. Serial killers sometimes start out with cruelty to animals and then move on from there.

Come to find out, they just felt it was inconsiderate of Big Tigger to assault his wife while the child was in the home. They would have preferred it if he’d waited until the child was at school. Or, since it’s the summer, maybe he could have dropped the poor bastard off at a Sky Zone and let him or her jump around on a trampoline for a few hours.

Since the child’s father is Big Tigger, you’d think they’d be required to go to summer school, for academic reasons, but we don’t know that for a fact. I’m willing to give them the benefit of the doubt. Maybe the child is brilliant. Hopefully, their life is not ruined as a result of this incident.

I can’t tell you that my life would be the same, if there was a video of my parents rolling around on the floor, fighting over a cellphone while some woman, who must work for my father and calls him Mr. Tigger, yells for him to stop. That might lead me to try drugs.

Though I suppose it could be worse. 50 Cent’s son is almost certainly aware of the video of his mother participating in a freak-off with Diddy and a teh ghey male pr0n star. There’s no way he’s going to be successful in life, after that. Is it any wonder 50 Cent is so upset with Diddy? He’s facing the prospect of having to provide financial support for his son indefinitely. He might need to sue Diddy.

As far as the phone is concerned, I can see the argument that his wife wasn’t seriously injured and therefore the judge ought to let this slide. After all, it was his phone. He might need to talk to his lawyer about bringing theft charges against her. Just because he got it back doesn’t mean it wasn’t stolen, and stealing is in fact a crime.

He did get the phone back, right?

Arguably, the fact that he was willing to roll around on the floor with her, begging and pleading for her to give it back, proves his concern for her well-being. Otherwise, it would have been easy enough for him to just punch her in the face and take it from her. Not saying that’s what he should have done. Just saying. That would have been the most efficient, least time-consuming way for him to get his phone back.

The fact that she continued holding onto it, despite it not belonging to her, proves she wasn’t really hurt. Her clothes may have gotten a little bit dirty, depending on how good a job the maid was doing keeping the floors clean. Obviously, she wasn’t doing that good a job, if she was busy recording video and trying to intervene in matters that were none of her business. It goes without saying that she’s going to have to find somewhere else to work, regardless of whether Tigger ends up doing time behind this.

Anyway, Tigger probably paid for those clothes. Which means they’re technically his property. He can get them dirty if he wants to. It’s like when they tried to arrest Jim Brown for beating the shit out of his own car. Pfft! If only Johnny Cochran were still alive. One thing he might have advised Tigger to do is stand in the doorway in a fine silk robe, like Oran “Juice” Jones in the video for “The Rain,” and prevent her from trying to leave with anything she didn’t come with, when he kicks her to the curb. She’s already shown a propensity to steal.

I’m sure Big Tigger gave his wife quite a bit, in addition to temporary access to his phone, including things she can’t even pronounce. Now all he can give her is advice. She’s probably not as young as the girl from the Oran “Juice” Jones video, but she’s going to have to figure things out regardless. Hopefully, she’s learned a valuable lesson from all of this.

Arguably, it was the worst thing that happened in 2001.

I’m less upset that Taylor Swift married Travis Kelce, both because I’m not as attracted to her, despite her whiteness, and because she’s not dead yet, just old.

If I’d been invited to their wedding, held at Madison Square Garden on the day before America’s 250th birthday, it would have been nothing for me to appear magnanimous and to avoid saying or doing anything that would cause me to be asked to leave.

I wouldn’t have brought a gift, but only because they probably wouldn’t have noticed that I didn’t. When you bring a gift to a big wedding like that, you just set it on a table with all of the other gifts. They don’t have any way of knowing, in the moment, who brought what.

They might go through them after the fact just so they can put together a list of people to send thank you notes written by ChatGPT, but what’s the likelihood that they’re going to do that themselves? I’m sure they’ve got a guy who does that. Also, I’m sure at least a few people show up with $25 gift cards to Raising Cane’s or Bass Pro Shops that they didn’t even bother to put their name on. (I’ve done this at high school graduations.) For all they know, maybe one of them was yours.

Read more

She can’t still be spending money from that song “Video,” or whatever it was called, can she? That was nearly 30 years ago. (Yikes!)

Ironically, I suspect that the video for, uh, “Video” doesn’t get as many plays on YouTube as other hip-hop and R&B videos of that era, because there aren’t as many attractive half-naked women in it—or any, for that matter.

Meanwhile, I bet that a lot of guys are still watching the “Tip Drill” video and the like on mute, once or twice in the evening, depending on what kind of day it’s been. Especially guys in jail.

I heard there’s a tablet you can get in jail, but it costs hundreds of thousands of dollars. Unless you have your own money, which, why would you be in jail, you’d have to have your parents buy it for you.

Imagine having to come up with some BS reason why you need a tablet in jail, other than that you need it to rub one out to the “Spend Dat” video on the reg.

Diddy almost certainly has one of those tablets, along with whatever else he’s been allowed to purchase. I’m sure he only eats the finest of ramen noodles, the kind you wouldn’t want to ruin by adding Cheeto dust to create a sort of ersatz Kraft Macaroni & Cheese.

The only question is, what is Diddy using that tablet for? No Diddy. Was he able to access his own freak-off video, which got leaked to X f/k/a Twitter the other day? Presumably, the reason he made those videos is so he could revisit the moment, if you will. In that sense, he lucked out in that the video found its way onto the Internets, though I’m sure he wished his unit looked more impressive.

DJ Akademiks, the top hip-hop media personality and de facto voice of the black community, took one look at that video and decided he needed to get with 50 Cent’s baby’s mother, Daphne Joy. On his livestream, which seems informative, he suggested that he’d pay $10,000 to make sweet, passionate love to her. In photos and videos posted this week, it’s implied that he did just that.

India.Arie can’t be much older than 50 Cent’s baby’s mother. If only she had guys who are really good at Super Smash Bros offering her an amount comparable to the sticker price of a gently used Nissan Altima in exchange for a brief assignation, along with documentation for social media purposes. One suspects she wouldn’t be out here hating on “Spend Dat.”

It’s quite possible that she’s been out here stealing from department stores, and she doesn’t want the success of this song to arouse suspicion. I consulted the Google, and I see that she’s been wearing a sort of floor-length dashiki (I’m sure there’s some other name for it), along with a bonnet (which she wouldn’t be allowed to wear to work, if she had an actual job), possibly to conceal designer clothes, perfume and what have you. All of her clothes come from a flea market, so it’s not clear why she’d even be at the mall. It’s only a matter of time before she’s found out.

Then what? An obvious career transition circa 1986 would have been to work on her Jamaican accent and then read people’s fortunes via a 900 number (she’s already got the outfit), but I’m not sure if they have those anymore. She’s gonna have to figure something out, because I can’t imagine they’d pull this song from the market.

I was only familiar with “Spend Dat” from Fat Joe and Jadakiss trying to take credit for it on their excellent podcast, but apparently it’s huge. When Yung Miami was on the BET Awards the other day as a presenter, the crowd spontaneously burst into a sing-along. Has there ever been anything quite like that in the history of music?

Clearly, this song resonates with the community. And it can’t just be due to the strength of Yung Miami’s bars, well-constructed though they are. There must be something about the idea of spending money that you didn’t do anything to earn. You’d think that India.Arie would appreciate that, given that her entire career is based on a song about wanting people to be attracted to her despite her not being attractive, but here we are.

You might even get invited to walk the runway at a fashion show. That wouldn’t necessarily be an issue for Kanye West’s daughter, North West, because she’s not conventionally attractive enough to be a model, or even a plus-size model. But she might still be invited to do a little modeling, because she’s expressed an interest in fashion, and her father was trying to run Louis Vuitton, before they let Pharrell do it.

I can only imagine how nerve wracking it would be, standing backstage at a fashion show before it was your turn to walk the runway, knowing that, because of whatever’s wrong with your knees, you walk like a kid in the one special-needs class that’s on the first floor of the building, with kids who have to wear a helmet, like Natalie Portman in the movie Garden State, and now everyone’s about to see you.

Read more

You might not know anything about combat sports, but you’re a proper adult. It would be like fighting a child, no?

It’s the kind of thing Drake will have to think about now that it’s been announced that his baby’s mother, who was in adult films, has married some MMA fighter no one ever heard of.

There’s a photo of the guy in the one article I skimmed on this for research purposes. He’s reasonably tough-looking, and he might be in the 99th percentile in both height and weight in the Philippines, or wherever he’s from, but he’s not particularly impressive in absolute terms.

You’d think that Drake’s baby’s mother could marry a more prominent MMA fighter, possibly someone who’s been interviewed on Joe Rogan’s podcast, except that she’s getting on in years and she’s been known to do something strange for some change. Even if she’s somehow managed to avoid contracting VD, her vagine is probably beat to shit, as they say in the auto industry. Her new husband could probably climb all the way inside it, if he had to.

On the other hand, it’s a known fact that Drake can easily be taken out at the knees. He’s injured himself just trying to walk across a stage, as if he were graduating from a white high school. He wasn’t dancing or anything. It was a sobering reminder that he’s only half black, and he seems to have picked up more of the parenting genes than the athletic ones.

His baby’s mother got married to another guy on Father’s Day, which is highly inconsiderate. There’s nothing about her line of work that would have prevented her from getting married on, say, a Tuesday, when people whose jobs encourage, nay, require them to keep their pants on are busy.

It may have even cost them less to get married on a weekday, which raises the question of who exactly was paying for this wedding. Did they spare no expense because Drake was forced to pay for his baby’s mother to marry another guy? That doesn’t even seem like it should be legal. This is not like some hoodrat using a child support payment to purchase a pair of 5411 Reeboks, which can easily fly under the radar on an itemized receipt submitted in family court.

I can’t imagine that the guy paid, because I’ve never heard of him. He’s only had one fight, and it may have been against a “tomato can” intended to bolster his record, like Glass Joe, or whatever his name was, in Mike Tyson’s Punch Out. He’s only 26 years old, raising the question of what he could possibly want with someone who might be nearly as old as I am. Eww! He might need immigration papers to live in Canada. They changed the laws here in the US to get rid of all the asylum seekers. They’re rounding up all the Haitians as we speak.

Drake might need to see about getting full custody of his son, if only to avoid having to fund some other guy’s lifestyle (he’s already gotta fund Sauce Walka’s lifestyle), but also because MMA fighters can’t be trusted. Those guys get kicked in the head and get CTE, one side effect of which is that it makes you commit domestic violence. There was a segment on it on Real Sports with Bryant Gumbel years ago. Former NFL players beat the crap out of their wives. They usually don’t have much money left either, but what are their wives going to do? They’re on the wrong side of 30 and they’ve got a black eye.

It would be tragic to go to Canada to visit your son, maybe on Father’s Day, if he’s available, only to find out that his new father pulled a Chris Benoit on the entire family. Benoit was French Canadian, right? If I were Drake, I’d definitely have my lawyer point that out. But I’m sure he’s already on it. He has the means to secure adequate legal representation. He might even be related to someone.