This is the first edition of Lead Yourself First. A newsletter where I will write about what’s happening in life, business and the messy middle.

Each edition will have something for us to think about. Maybe something that’s helped me, moved me forward or uncovered a new way to get curious about my life. This newsletter will share more of the how. How I actually put the things I talk about into practice alongside work, motherhood, running a business and everything else life throws in.

If you have any recommendations for me, please do send them across, I love exploring new things 💛

On my mind this week…

I have just finished reading Atomic Habits by James Clear. This book was so insightful! You know when a book is recommended to you over and over but you never quite know if it will be worth your while? Well this one is!

So, my summary without a full rewrite: habits either help or hinder you. It’s that simple.

Create good habits and they will become your systems of life, create bad habits they will become the systems you fight against every step of the way. James helps you truly understand what it takes to create and redesign your habits so I fully recommend you take a look Atomic Habits.

A very simple way I implemented this new learning into my life was with something very glamorous… my laundry.

As a busy mum, I get so easily overwhelmed with the washing. It’s everywhere, whether I wash it or not because I’ll be honest, my worst job is putting clothes away!

Needless to say, my system needed a revamp so one day I said to my husband that our new simple system is:

one wash a day and one wash away.

Simple right? It’s almost embarrassing that this needed implementing. But in my defence, I put a wash on most days, but it ended up piled high on the utility side, and often put away once the creases were so ingrained I wanted to wash it again anyway 🙈

You get the picture. So, how is my new system going you ask? Absolutely brilliant.

I can’t believe creating such a simple system has changed a habit I developed when I had kids. It’s been 4 weeks, and I can confidently say, my utility side is CLEAR. It was so simple yet effective.

So this put a few things into perspective for me, because its not like I needed to get better at washing or have more motivation, I needed a new system.

It got me wondering where else in life do we blame ourselves for not being more organised or motivated, when actually it’s the system it’s sitting within that isn’t working for us.

It’s helped me realise that change can be that simple.

So let me help you with this too…

What are you making harder for yourself than it needs to be?

Think about something you regularly feel frustrated by, tell yourself you should be better at or just completely put off doing because frankly it’s just easier. Then I want you to think about the system it’s sitting within, and ask yourself could I change the system to improve the outcome?

Remember my laundry example, keep it simple. Small changes, repeated consistently, can have a much bigger impact than we give them credit for.

I’d love to know what you’re thinking about, tell me in the comments and if you’re struggling to see what you could change, I’ll help you think of a different way to approach it.

Two brains are better than one after all! 💛

Life lately…

It’s been the summer holidays here in the UK and man the juggle is real. Anyone else feel like they are on a hamster wheel of work, play, snacks, work, snacks, bed?

We’ve had some great adventures so far in our adventure waggon, we’ve been to two amazing campsites which I fully recommend if you’re in the UK, Beech Croft Farm and Hurley Riverside Park. I have become quite the little explorer since getting the van, I honestly can’t recommend it enough if you want regular little escapes from everyday life.

I mean waking up to that view is just divine 😍

At home we’ve made assault courses and huge dens! If you don’t already have these stepping stones and balance beams, they are 100% worth it, as the kids make cool assault courses which keep them entertained for hours.

I read somewhere that if you play with your kids for the first 10 minutes of an activity, they are much more likely to play independently after that. So this was my turn on the assault course and of course, I smashed it! After a few rounds of throwing myself round my living room I was able to sort the dinner/clean/write this article 😂

The summer holidays has definitely been a challenge though. I am not one to sugar coat it. Yes, we have done these lovely things, but in between its been the typical work juggle mum dance, using more screens that I would like and constantly trying to keep my mum guilt at bay.

Thankfully I have worked on my values a lot, and because of that I am much more comfortable challenging guilt when it tries to creep in. I know what I want to hold myself to, rather than trying to live by some random set of rules society decided makes a “good mum.”

If mum guilt has a habit of following you around too, I created a free guide sharing the process I use to keep mine in check.

Read my mum guilt guide here 💛

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What’s been filling my cup…

Articles I have loved recently:

Jenny’s article, “The hidden costs of earning more money” was food for thought. I am building my business alongside my job and family life and I know my why behind this. But this article helped me pause and reflect to ensure I am not giving up on the life I am trying to create.

Courtneys article, “We’re quietly teaching our kids that everything is more important than them” is one that’s imprinted in my brain. I have followed Courtney for a while now and her words have helped me be a better, more present mum.

On my bookshelf…

I have two books on the go at the moment, because well why not!

Brene Brown, The gifts of imperfection. I am loving this one, not only because I love Brene, but because its full of meaningful stories. One thing I have taken away from this book so far is to practice love. I love my husband deeply, but Brene’s words struck me because I may say I love you everyday, but how am I showing it. Life is busy, and this was a reminder to practice love daily, not just say it.

Stephen Covey, The 7 habits of highly effective people. This one is a longer and more thought provoking read. I love this book as it confirms everything I have done and continue to do when supporting clients, you start from the inside. Without building your foundations, leading yourself first, you cant achieve the bigger goal in life. It all starts with you.

And with the kids, we’ve been reading Anxious Ninja. This book has been such a lovely, helpful way of opening up conversations with my 7 year old about thoughts, anxiety and what we can do when those feelings show up. Books have always been my way in with my eldest and I thoroughly recommend this one.

Before you go…

If there is something you’d love to know how I do, whether that’s managing my time, building my business around the rest of my life, working through self-doubt or something completely different. leave me a question in the comments.

I’ll be answering all questions in the next edition of Lead Yourself First.

And if some of what we have talked about has got you thinking about how much you trust yourself to make decisions and want to take that step before you feel completely ready, that’d what I do.

Come find me at Evoke & Lead

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More from me recently…

Getting through the days in this overstimulating, confusing world we live in is hard. We give and give and often, it can feel like it’s not enough.

The feeling of not being “enough” is deep rooted in many of us. I can speak from experience in saying I have often felt not enough even when I’ve tried so hard.

One way that I manage to keep a level head is by coming back to a handful of thoughts that keep me steady yet still moving forward. They don’t magically solve my problems, but they interrupt the thought patterns trying to take over. They give me permission to live, learn, go slower, rest and above all just do what I want to do, without worry!

I have some mantras that keep my head above water with my business and some which bring me back to myself.

The one I use every time I feel like I’ve been entered into the entrepreneurial rat race and I need to have bro man energy to survive, is from Tony Robbins. This has become my go to thought when I want to stop the spiral, “People over estimate what they can achieve in a year, and underestimate what they can achieve in 10.” This statement grounds me instantly when the “I should be…” thoughts start to creep in. It allows me to stop looking at where everyone else is, and reminds me to look at where I am heading.

This pairs nicely with another business related one, “successful people hang on, whilst everyone else lets go.” This one keeps me pushing on the hard days. It reminds me of the consistency required to be an entrepreneur and survive the process. I’m a busy mum, 2 kids 3&6 years old and I hold down a service lead role in the NHS. Life gets loud sometimes, and I can find myself thinking, what am I doing? But this mantra gives me that reminder that life is a marathon, not a sprint. I want to help people, genuinely help people and to do that means I can’t give up on the hard days, I need to keep my sights set on that future goal and ensure my habits and thoughts keep moving me towards it.

On a more personal level, I have a few to keep me sane and help me parent my boys in a way that aligns with my values.

The first one I want to mention is a mantra I use a lot. At the gym, posting content, deciding on an outfit, picking my tattoo 👀 (yes this is incoming and I am very excited about it!). I have lived a long time worrying about what people think, hiding the real me and living a life which was built on how I would be perceived rather than how much I was enjoying my life. If this resonates, you know how exhausting it is constantly allow yourself to be measured by someone else’s opinion.

“Live your life for yourself, not for the people watching.” This simple yet highly effective manta brings my thoughts out of the worry spiral and back to the present moment. Yes, I may be sweating and panting like a crazy women but I will finish the set of burpees and jumping squats! This often pairs well with a not so PG version but just as effective… F**k it!! This one helps when there’s just no other expression and you need to have a little oomphf behind the decision.

Now this next one I use when I have spiralled. When my thoughts have run away from me and my mind is living a reality that isn’t in my present.

I often need to repeat this thought over and over to bring myself back to the present moment. I’m not in a hostile environment, there’s no life or death here, but because of overwhelm my brain can convince me otherwise. Using this mantra, can help me remember where I am. I’d say this is the most needed mantra because it’s not easy pulling myself out of catastrophising mind. This one doubles as a way of helping me interrupt the need to always be productive. When I reach for my ear buds or start the next task before finishing the last one, I can say this to myself which interrupts the productivity and lets me walk without a podcast or stop to look at the beautiful sky, even if its just for 5 minutes.

Having these mantras help me move through the tasks of the day without the crippling overwhelm. I’m not saying these mantras have eradicated those feelings, but they sure do help in those moments where unhelpful thoughts try to get the final say.

However, not everyone will struggle with overwhelm or spiralling thoughts (I’m not jealous you are 😂) but if you do, these mantras have helped me manage my thoughts when the “I should” and “I need” come to town.

This doesn’t just help with my thoughts though. One of the biggest pay offs has been modelling this in front of my kids and seeing them pick up on it. The two which my kids repeat back to me now, which just makes my heart sing, are: “I can’t do this YET” and “if you say you can you can, if you say you can’t you can’t.”

Supporting my kids to know that it’s part of life to not know how to do something until you practice has been a daily occurrence for me. We actually changed a saying in our house thanks to Jim Kwik which was “practice makes progress” because who wants to be perfect anyway?

Adding ‘yet’ to the end has really helped with their frustration levels. My eldest can easily become upset with frustration and supporting him to develop his stretch zone with these phrases is one easy way to do this.

I learnt the power of growth mindset much too late, so if I can help my boys grow up in an environment where they see me changing the way I respond to my thoughts, it will hopefully change the way they learn to adapt to them too.

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I would love to know what thoughts or mantras you come back to when life gets loud?

I really hope something in this article was helpful to you. It’s a crazy world out there and sometimes keeping our sanity each day is something to be proud of. So, remember to find a mantra that keeps you steady, keeps your feet firmly on the ground and keeps you living life for you, and only you.

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This is exactly why I created Evoke.

I don’t believe women need another person telling them what they should be doing. Many of us already know what we want to change, but life gets loud, confidence wobbles and sometimes we need support to turn that knowledge into action.

Because having the words is one thing, but having the support, accountability and space to actually live them is another.

Evoke is a space for women to understand themselves better, build self trust, and understand how to use tools like these in everyday life. Through group coaching, meaningful conversations, discussion threads, guest speakers and exclusive discounts on coaching packages, its designed to give you the support and space to lead yourself first.

We already have some wonderful women ready to join, and there are only a few founding member spaces remaining. Founding members will receive exclusive access at 50% off the monthly membership price, with this rate locked in for as long as they remain a member of Evoke.

If that sounds like something you would love to be part of, join the waitlist below and ill be in touch personally with the next steps for joining Evoke as one of our founding members.

✨Join Evoke here✨

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When was the last time you were able to sit down and truly relax?

I mean properly relax, with no phone in your hand, no scrolling, no planning something and no podcast playing in the background to fill the space? Yeah, me neither.

It is honestly one of the hardest things to do. Even my husband, a man who loves to chill, struggled when he decided to chill on the patio with Elvis and a whiskey trying to wind down after a hard day at work. When I went out to join him, he said “relaxing has become a skill we need to master.” He said that, to stop his brain from constantly telling him that he needed to be doing something like doom scrolling, he had put the lyrics up on YouTube so he could focus on the music and allow himself to sit outside without finding something for his brain to do.

When did relaxing become something we need a strategy for? Honestly, what a time to be alive 🙄

A while ago I restacked a post which resonated with me because it was something I was trying to do. I wanted to start being where my body was and its something I have been practicing ever since.

So this topic is something I have been thinking about for a while now purely because of my own struggles to sit in any amount of space without immediately filling it with something.

I have been wondering whether one of the reasons so many women struggle with this is because of the independent-woman identity we have inherited and then taken a little too far. Independence gave us choice, but somewhere along the way we started treating doing everything alone as proof of our capability.

The generations before mine had to fight to prove that women were capable of doing the same things as men. Women had to fight for the right to vote, to work, to study, to earn their own money and to make choices about the direction of their own lives. They had to show that we were more than what men and society allowed us to be.

So what did we do with that freedom? We surpassed expectations on every level. We showed that we could work, lead, build careers, raise families and create lives of our own, the job lot. But somewhere along the way, we forgot to stop proving.

We’ve become stuck in a never-ending loop of production. Yes, we can work, arrange the childcare, maintain the house, remember the dentist appointment, buy the school-play outfit and finish the project on time. Of course we can, but why are we still trying to do all of it?

I know I haven’t stopped to ask myself that question enough, and I’m not even sure I fully know the answer. I have grown up in an era where women can be whatever they want to be, thanks to the amazing women like my grandma burning their bras in London and I am genuinely so grateful for that. The feminist in me screams with joy at that fact, but I have also become so lost in productivity that I no longer know how to stop.

Perhaps for me, part of it comes from always wanting to prove to people that I could do more. Is that because my parents doubted that I would ever go to university, or is it because I have RP and have spent years wanting to prove that I can still do what I want to do? I am sure it’s a mixture of both, but in all honesty, I have always loved my weird determination to do what I put my mind to. The problem is, now I have stopped to reflect, I have realised I’ve gone too far. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to lose that determination, I just want to be able to choose when I use it, rather than feeling as though I have to be switched on all the time.

I want to be able to sit in my own company without needing to plan, do or listen to something.

Even when I am on holiday and physically resist checking my emails, my mind will still want to be doing. I will be planning the boat trip and checking the weather for when we go to the zoo. I might not be working but my mind doesn’t switch off, even something silly will keep my mind active by comparing the best non-toxic sun creams for my kids… honestly, I annoy myself sometimes.

I know I am not alone in this. I know so many women who cannot settle their minds, even when they are supposed to be resting. Sometimes we tell ourselves the story that we are simply no good at relaxing, so we don’t even try. Resting without some form of productivity feels so alien that we immediately fill the space with something else.

We listen to a podcast in the bath because we convince ourselves we are relaxing, but we are still feeding our brain more information. Resting without some form of productivity or stimulation feels uncomfortable, so we fill the space and tell ourselves it still counts.

That doesn’t mean rest has to involve sitting in total silence and thinking about absolutely nothing. Our brains will naturally continue to think. I read once that we can have around 60,000 thoughts a day, which is mind-blowing really. So trying to achieve an empty mind shouldn’t be the goal, its about choosing not to make every thought useful or turn it into another task.

So for my overactive brain thinking, “Oh, I want a daily body spray that doesn’t have all the nasties in it” instead of doing that task there and then I should make space between the thinking and doing. Before we carried these demon devices around in our pockets, we might have written it on a shopping list and looked the next time we were in a shop. Now, the gap between having a thought and acting on it has almost disappeared.

This is one of the reasons I have been thinking differently about meditation too. So many people say they cannot meditate because they have too many thoughts. They sit down, their mind starts wandering and they become frustrated because they assume they are doing it wrong.

I read something in Atomic Habits recently that completely reframed meditation for me. The point is not to have a perfectly still mind before you begin, it is to notice when your attention has wandered and gently bring it back. You notice the thought, you put it down and you return to your breath. Then your mind wanders again, because you are human and probably just remembered the PE kit is still in the washing machine, and you bring it back again.

The practice is not having no thoughts, the practice is learning that you do not have to follow every thought.

This practice of noticing without immediately reacting matters because many of us are spending our days responding to ordinary pressures as though they are urgent threats. However, I am not here to tell you how to stop your body activating fight or flight, our bodies are constantly scanning for threats and depending on your trauma and past experiences, everyone’s trigger will be different. What I am trying to teach myself and support others to understand is how to regulate yourself after the trigger.

Mastering the skills of being able to tell our bodies the threat has passed is essential, now more than ever in my opinion because of how overstimulating this world is. Shade Zahrai, makes a great reference to this point in her book she says, when a caterpillar starts to eat a plants leaves, the plant doesn’t just take it, it kicks into fight or flight and toughens its leaves and makes it harder for the caterpillar to consume. BUT when the caterpillar has gone, it knows how to return to its safe state. That’s what we are missing, especially as busy, overthinking mothers.

For me, one way I have started doing this as I have been aware of my productivity habit for some time, is to pause before moving onto the next thing. I do my best to take one intentional breath before switching tasks and I have found this small moment of space is helping to regulate me. When I first started this practice, I used post it notes to help me check in with my body regularly and understand what state I was walking around in.

Awareness is everything, I talk about this a lot. You can’t change something you don’t know is impacting you. By bringing an awareness to my productivity habit, I can now notice when I automatically reach for my audiobook in the bath or open an article the second I sit down. And even though I have moved away from social media because of the spiralling addiction of doom scrolling, I can see that I am still addicted to doing. If I stop myself from working, I will plan a trip, sort the birthday presents or organise the food shop instead. Like I said, I often have a weird determination in life and my brain is determined it will find itself another job.

Making space between the desire to do something and my actual need for rest is now my goal. I want to learn to stop right before I begin another task and ask myself whether this genuinely needs doing or whether I am simply uncomfortable with being still.

Even if it is only for five minutes, I want to allow myself to be unproductive.

Not because I have completed my to do list, made the deadline or feel I have now earned the right to stop, but because rest should not only be available once everything else has been taken care of. Let’s be honest, if mums waited until everything was done before resting, we would all be found still folding washing at 94.

This is also something I am becoming more conscious of as a parent in such an overstimulating world. I am making a point of allowing my children to be bored instead of immediately filling every quiet moment for them. It’s the start of the summer holidays here in the UK and the weather is, well not very British for once and it means parenting is so much easier when they can play outside. But I haven’t filled every moment and before now, guilt would have told me I am a bad mum for not making lots of plans, but instead a new value I have is to ensure rest is part of life and boredom is essential for my kids to experience.

When children are allowed to be bored, they have space to imagine, create, play and decide what they want to do next. More importantly, they are practising being in a moment that has not been filled for them.

That has become so important to me because I don’t want them to grow into adults who believe every gap must be filled and every thought must be acted upon. I want them to learn how to rest their minds before the world teaches them to feel weird for doing it.

Women have fought hard for the freedom to do more, and I would never want us to give that up. I want women to be ambitious, build careers, lead teams, start businesses and create lives that matter to them.

But perhaps we need to question the identity we have built around doing everything simply because we can. Our freedom should also include the freedom to ask for help, receive support, change our minds, leave something unfinished and rest before we have reached the point of exhaustion.

Because “women can do anything” was never supposed to mean that women must do everything.

Perhaps the next stage is not proving how much we can carry but finally giving ourselves permission to put some of it down.

In summary

Why do so many women find it hard to rest?
Because many of us have tied being productive, helpful and capable to our identity. Rest can then feel uncomfortable, especially when we are used to filling every quiet moment with planning, learning or doing.

Is resting the same as doing nothing?
Not necessarily. Rest can simply mean giving your mind a break from constant input, decisions and problem-solving. It is less about having no thoughts and more about not turning every thought into a task.

Can you meditate if your mind is busy?
Yes. Meditation is not about having a completely empty mind. The practice is noticing when your attention has wandered and gently bringing it back.

How can I get better at resting?
Start small. Notice when you automatically reach for your phone, a podcast or another task, then pause and leave the space unfilled for a few minutes. Like any skill, rest becomes easier with practice.

If this has made you realise how much of your identity is tied up in doing, proving and holding everything together, it might also have made you question how long you want to keep living that way. You might know you want more space, more support and a life that does not rely on you constantly pushing through, but understanding the pattern and changing it are two very different things. Sometimes we reach a point where we know we cannot keep carrying on as we are, but we also do not know how to untangle it alone. That is where coaching can help, by giving you the space to understand what is driving you, work out what you actually want and begin making changes that feel realistic for your life.

Book a free call and let’s untangle this together

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Recently I’ve been having a lot of conversations about boundary setting. Not on purpose, they’ve just naturally kept coming up and they’ve left me wondering what life would be like if we all started channelling our inner toddler.

Now, I’m not suggesting we all throw ourselves on the supermarket floor when we don’t get our own way, although some days it’s tempting 😏 but you’ve got to hand it to toddlers, they own their voice, they know what they want and more importantly, they know what they don’t.

From the moment my eldest was toddling around and finding his own voice, I advocated for him holding his boundaries. Allowing my little boy to say no when he doesn’t want a cuddle or a kiss was the first way I showed him that it’s okay not to ignore your feelings to please someone else.

Now, I’m not saying I’ve raised a child who is rude or disrespectful. Quite the contrary, he is a very well-mannered, compassionate little boy. But he’s confident in saying what he needs and what he doesn’t, and I think that’s important.

In fact, Brene Brown’s research found that the most compassionate people were the people with the strongest boundaries. Brene explains, “Boundaries are a prerequisite for compassion and empathy.”

It makes sense when you think about it. When we constantly say yes from an empty cup, we are not giving from a place of genuine compassion. We are often giving because we are afraid of disappointing someone. Healthy boundaries allow us to care about other people without repeatedly abandoning ourselves in the process.

What psychology tells us

When exploring boundaries I often found the issue started much earlier than adulthood. It started in childhood, such as when you were told to go and kiss Grandma goodbye, even though your entire body was saying, I don’t want to.

The good news is that boundaries aren’t really something we have to learn. In many ways, they’re something we have to remember.

Children naturally communicate when something doesn’t feel right. Babies turn their heads away when they’ve had enough and toddlers will loudly announce “No!” without worrying whether they’ll upset anyone.

As children grow, psychologists describe a process called socialisation. We learn the unwritten rules of our families and the world around us. Most of these lessons are helpful as we learn kindness, empathy and respect for others. But sometimes, without anyone intending any harm, we also learn that keeping other people happy is more important than listening to ourselves.

Over time, our brains become incredibly efficient at repeating what has helped us feel accepted. If saying yes earned approval, your brain learns that saying yes is the safest option, even when your body is asking for a break.

As adults, it’s not easy to wake up one day and decide, I will now hold my boundaries. This takes time, energy, effort and a genuine commitment to yourself. The good news is you can make this change, one small step at a time.

James Clear, author of Atomic Habits, explains that we all have habits that help us and habits that hinder us. If you want to change something about yourself, don’t rely on motivation, build a system and repeat it consistently.

I think boundaries work in exactly the same way. For example, I’ve said to Jack since he was old enough to understand, it’s your body, your choice. I repeat that message consistently, even when I don’t necessarily agree with his decision because I know the lesson matters more.

He often wants to wear shorts when it’s freezing outside because, according to him, he’s more comfortable that way. So the message stays the same: your body, your choice. It doesn’t mean I don’t discreetly pop some trousers in his bag just in case, that’s simply good parenting as he’s only 6 after all.

The thing is, I’m not expecting one conversation to shape his future, I’m building a pattern. Every time I respect his “no” I’m teaching him that his inner voice matters. Every time he experiences that consistency, it strengthens the belief that he’s allowed to trust himself.

It’s no different for us as adults. We don’t suddenly become someone with healthy boundaries, we have to build that identity one decision at a time.

So how can you start setting boundaries?

If this is something you want to work on, it starts with awareness.

The next time someone asks something of you, pause before you answer and ask yourself these three questions:

1. What is my first instinct?

Not the polite answer, the first one.

2. If guilt wasn’t involved, what would I choose?

This quickly separates obligation from what you genuinely want.

3. If my child came to me with this situation, what would I support them to do?

As parents, we spend so much time teaching our children to respect themselves, yet many of us often abandon ourselves in the process.

Once you begin to bring an awareness to the decisions you’re making, you can pick small ways to build healthier habits.

Even one small “not today” will help you rebuild your self-trust, little by little. So, the next time you're about to say yes when every part of you is screaming no, I hope you'll remember to tap into your inner toddler.

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I know changing the way you’ve responded for years isn’t easy.

It takes practice to notice those moments when your body is saying one thing but your mouth says another. It takes courage to trust yourself enough to choose differently.

If you’re ready to stop letting self-doubt, guilt or people pleasing make your decisions, I’d love to help. Together we’ll build the self-trust that allows you to make decisions with confidence, not because someone else gave you permission, but because you know they’re right for you.

If you’d like to explore working together, you can find out more here.

If you’re not quite there yet, my Lead Yourself First newsletter lands once a month with practical tools, honest reflections and small mindset shifts to help you keep moving forward.

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If you’d told me ten years ago that I’d one day describe myself as a leadership coach, I wouldn’t have believed you, mainly because I didn’t even know what one was.

I enjoyed leading. On group projects I would be happy to be the designated speaker, or get the ball rolling with the activity, but I hadn’t realised just how much leadership would change my life

Then I stepped into my first leadership role. I remember feeling completely out of my depth. I felt determined to do a good job, but I was convinced everyone else knew something I didn’t. Looking back now, I can see that what I was experiencing wasn’t a lack of ability, it was growth. I’d stepped into an environment that challenged me and instead of recognising that as a positive thing, I interpreted it as proof that I wasn’t ready.

That was the first of many leadership lessons that have shaped not only the way I lead teams, but the way I parent, run my business and make decisions every day. The funny thing is, very few of them are actually about managing people.

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Lead with confidence before you feel it

One of the biggest myths I believed was that confidence came first. I thought confident people simply felt different to the rest of us and once I finally felt like them, I’d put myself forward for opportunities, speak up in meetings and stop doubting myself.

What I’ve realised over the years is that confidence often arrives after we’ve acted, not before.

I started paying attention to the small things. How I walked into a room, whether I was making myself physically smaller by hunching my shoulders or sitting on the edge of my chair. I took notice of how often I said, “Sorry if this sounds like a silly idea…” or chose not to speak at all because I assumed someone else’s opinion made more sense than mine.

I even paid attention to what I was wearing and how I carried myself. I’d didn’t even realise there was such a thing as a confidence stance. The way we stand, sit and move sends signals to our brain about how safe and capable we feel. You know when you see a man sitting on the train with his legs so wide he’s taking up three seats? There’s a reason we instantly think, “He’s confident” 😂

Our brains are constantly taking cues from our behaviour. When we stand tall, breathe deeply and stop trying to disappear, we often begin to feel more grounded too. It’s not about pretending to be confident, it’s about giving your brain evidence that you’re safe enough to show up and try anyway.

I’ve coached enough women now to know that almost every one of us is waiting for confidence before we take the next step. Whether that’s applying for the promotion, starting the business, speaking on the podcast or finally putting ourselves out there, we tell ourselves we’ll do it once we feel ready.

But let’s just unpick that feeling for a moment.

What does “ready” actually feel like?

For years I didn’t know. I assumed the feeling would magically appear one day after I’d read enough books, completed enough qualifications, volunteered for enough projects or gained enough experience. But I think that’s the point, until you unpick what feeling you are searching for, “feeling ready” will forever feel like a moving target.

A few questions to reflect on...

Take a few minutes to answer these honestly. There are no right or wrong answers, only an opportunity to understand yourself a little better.

• When I say “I’ll do it when I’m ready” what am I actually waiting to feel? (Don’t just say confidence, unpick it so you truly understand the feeling)

• If I woke up tomorrow feeling completely ready what would be different? What would I believe about myself that I don’t believe today?

• Is this about perfection? (if so, messy action is better than no action)

• What evidence do I already have that I’m more capable than I give myself credit for?

• If someone else with my experience applied for that role, started that business or put themselves forward for that opportunity, how would I feel?

• What’s one small action I could take this week that would give me evidence that I can handle more than I think?

The reality is, most of us aren’t waiting to feel ready, we’re waiting to stop feeling scared. The trouble is, courage doesn’t usually arrive first, it grows because we took the step anyway.

Lead with purpose

I’ve come to believe that purpose creates change.

When the reason behind something is strong enough, we stop relying on motivation and start finding ways to make it happen. The journey doesn’t suddenly become easier, but the difficult days begin to feel worthwhile because we know why we’re doing it.

When I started my nursing career, if I’m honest, I didn’t have some huge calling to become a nurse. I chose children’s nursing because I didn’t really know what else I wanted to do.

Growing up, my parents often said they didn’t think I’d go to university. They thought I’d be one of those people who would work my way up instead. Looking back, I think those comments carried far more weight than I realised. Throughout my career I’ve always found myself striving for the next challenge, the next qualification or the next opportunity. Now, I’m no Cognitive Behavioural Therapist, but I suspect there’s something to unpick there... but that’s a conversation for another day!

At the time though, I think my first real purpose was simply proving them wrong 😂

The funny thing is, once I got there, I absolutely loved it.

Working as a children’s nurse changed me. Every day I met children facing challenges that most adults would struggle to comprehend, yet they still found reasons to smile, laugh and keep going. Their resilience amazed me. I found purpose in supporting them and their families through some of the hardest moments of their lives and that purpose made every difficult shift worthwhile.

When it was time for a new challenge, I didn’t move because I wanted a different job title. I moved into school nursing because I still wanted to support children, just in a different way. I’ve always loved helping young people navigate those teenage years. I genuinely think the teenage brain is one of the most misunderstood stages of life and it makes me sad how often young people are labelled rather than understood. I know I’ll find my way back to supporting young people one day because that purpose hasn’t gone anywhere.

Later, I moved into management. Again, not because I was chasing leadership for the title, but because I could see opportunities to improve services and better support specialist public health nurses. I knew that if I could help create an environment where they felt supported, they could deliver the very best care to children and families. Without really noticing, purpose had quietly been guiding every career decision I’d made.

The same happened when I started my coaching business.

Lots of my friends and family thought I was a little mad when I started a business alongside an NHS leadership role, also while raising two young boys. But to me, it never felt like I was adding another job, it felt like I was answering another purpose.

I wanted more mums to know that ambition and motherhood can coexist. That it’s possible to build a career that excites you while still being present for your children. In fact, I think there’s something incredibly powerful about our children watching us create a life we enjoy. They don’t just hear us tell them they can follow their dreams, they grow up watching us have the courage to follow ours.

Looking back now, every role I’ve taken has had one thing in common. It wasn’t the job title that pulled me forward, it was the purpose behind it.

So let’s explore your purpose.

Perhaps there’s already a decision sitting in the back of your mind.

Maybe it’s applying for the promotion, starting the business, retraining, going back to university, changing careers or saying yes to an opportunity you’ve talked yourself out of more than once.

If you’ve known what you want to do for a while but still haven’t taken the first step, I’d encourage you not to ask “How do I become more confident?” instead, ask yourself, “Why does this matter to me?”

Because when your reason is strong enough, taking action often feels much more possible.

Spend a little time with these questions:

• What decision have I been putting off?

• What is making me want to make this change?

• If I did take this step, who would benefit? Me, my family, my children or the future version of myself?

• What difference would achieving this actually make to my life or the lives of others?

• What values does this decision represent? Freedom? Security? Creativity? Contribution? Growth?

• If fear wasn’t part of the equation, would this still be important to me?

• If I never did this, what would I regret most?

Sometimes we don’t need more confidence, we need a stronger reason to move.

Give yourself permission

I think this might be the lesson I’ve had to learn the most.

As women and especially as mums, we’re often taught to be grateful, not make a fuss and put everyone else first. We become so good at looking after other people that somewhere along the way, our own ambitions get pushed to the bottom of the list.

It’s not that we don’t want more, we do, we just don’t always feel allowed to.

Maybe you want to finally put your own idea out into the world, then almost as quickly as the thought appears, another voice creeps in.

“Who do you think you are?”

“Now isn’t the right time”

“The children need me”

“Maybe in a few years”

Sometimes those thoughts are practical. Often, they’re fear dressed up as responsibility. Here’s what I’ve learnt:

Wanting more for yourself doesn’t mean loving your family any less. Chasing a career that excites you doesn’t make you a selfish mum, it just means you are putting yourself back on that list.

So if this article has taught your anything, I hope it is this.

You don’t need permission from your boss, your partner, your parents or the people around you. The best thing you can do is ask yourself:

What if I am already ready?

Maybe the only permission you’ve been waiting for is your own.

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If you believe there’s more...

I believe motherhood and ambition can exist side by side.

I believe our children benefit from seeing us build a life that excites us.

I believe we’re capable of far more than we often give ourselves credit for, yet too many women spend years waiting for confidence before they allow themselves to begin.

And I believe life is too short to spend it wondering “What if I’d just gone for it?”

That’s why I created my workbook and my coaching programme.

Because I know how exhausting it is when your mind keeps talking you out of the life you know you’re capable of creating.

If you’ve finished this article thinking, “I don’t want to still be having this conversation with myself in five years’ time" then perhaps now is the time to do something different.

The Overthinking to Action Workbook is the perfect place to start. It’s designed to help you untangle the thoughts that have been keeping you stuck, reconnect with what matters most and turn your overthinking into meaningful action.

Overthinking to Action Workbook

I started this work because I believe ambition and motherhood can exist side by side.

If you’re ready to stop putting your own dreams on hold and start building a life that reflects what truly matters to you, I’d love to work alongside you. Together, we’ll explore what’s shaping your decisions, reconnect with your purpose and help you start living in a way that reflects the woman motherhood has shaped you into.

Because when you back yourself, you don’t just change your own life. You show your children what’s possible too.

1-1 Coaching

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Since becoming a mum I have been a real advocate for sharing the real and the raw behind motherhood because I know everyone is feeling it and most people have some hardship to manage, but when it becomes unspoken everyone is left feeling alone.

I want to share my real story, the one which explains why I care so much about mindset, self-doubt, identity and helping women challenge the stories they tell themselves. Because if there’s one thing I’ve learned over the last few years, it’s that our lives are often shaped less by what happens to us and more by what we believe about what happens to us.

For a long time, I believed every thought my brain handed me.

I was anxious for years. Not in the most obvious way, the kind of anxious where people would often say, “You always look like you’ve got your shit together” but on the inside, I felt like my world was spinning. I was the perfect example of a swan, calm on the surface, while underneath I was flapping like a crazy person trying to keep up.

Inside my head was a constant stream of overthinking, worrying, second guessing and imagining worst case scenarios. Looking back now, I can see how much of my life was being driven by fear, What if I fail? What if I get it wrong? What if people judge me? What if I’m not good enough?

At the time, I thought that voice was me. I didn’t realise it was just a voice.

When I had Jack I struggled. I didn’t admit it, but I had post natal depression. I struggled to admit it because I was so sleep deprived, I didn’t agree with a professional branding me with depression when sleep deprivation and depression have very similar symptoms. I knew I wasn’t right though, I lost a lot of weight and could barely function day to day. My maternity leave was a little different as Jack was only 5 months when Covid hit. It was a very isolating time.

Theodore came along 3 years later. I will admit I struggled with the decision to have another baby. I am not a good pregnant person 🙈 my body doesn’t like it and my small pelvis is a nightmare when giving birth!

But I was stronger. I became empowered in my pregnancy and planned birth experience and I felt good. I could already see the growth within me within those 3 years. I became informed, I knew my rights, I knew how to centre myself and get myself through that hard time again.

Thankfully Theodore slept a little better and by better I mean I could at least transfer him to the cot if he fell asleep in the car or I could just stop and grab a cuppa instead of driving for miles unlike Jack who woke up instantly if the car stopped 🤦‍♀️

Honestly, thinking back whilst writing this is crazy because it was so hard. There were a lot of amazing moments, but man do I remember the struggles.

I adore my boys, but motherhood absolutely humbled me.

I look back at photos from those early years and I can see someone trying her hardest but struggling. I was exhausted, overwhelmed and completely lost in the role. I loved being a mum, but somewhere along the way I stopped knowing who Caitlin was outside of motherhood.

I think that’s one of the reasons I connect so deeply with other mums now. Nobody talks enough about how much motherhood changes you. Not just your routine, not just your sleep, you.

A lot of the work I did on myself came from trying to answer that question. Who am I now?

That journey led me into values work, belief work and understanding where my mum guilt came from. It led me to challenge thoughts I’d carried for years and start building a life that felt more intentional rather than one I was simply surviving.

The truth is, my life isn’t perfect now and I wouldn’t want to pretend it is. I still have days where I overthink, self-doubt creeps in and motherhood still feels hard. The difference now is that I don’t automatically hand the steering wheel over to those thoughts. They get a seat in the car, but they don’t get to drive.

Alongside all of this was something else I was carrying.

I have Retinitis Pigmentosa, often shortened to RP, which is a degenerative eye condition. I’ve had it since birth, but for most of my life it sat in the background not really impacting me. Then in my early thirties things changed and my eyesight deteriorated significantly.

If you’ve ever received news that changes the way you imagine your future, you’ll understand what happened next.

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I spent a long time focusing on what I might not be able to do. I worried about limitations, independence and what life would look like years down the line. I told myself a story that my world was going to get smaller and darker.

The problem was, once I believed that story, I started living like it was true.

A few years ago, during a period where I was really struggling, I joined Mindvalley. When I joined I was searching for something but I didn’t know what, but what I found was a completely different way of looking at life. For the first time I started questioning my own thinking.

Was it true that I was an “anxious person” or did I just get triggered?

What if my world doesn’t get smaller and darker?

What if my world could be blown wide open and I create something completely new?

Slowly and I mean slowly, things began to change because I stopped automatically accepting every fearful thought as fact.

I started building habits that supported me. Post it notes on my mirrors asking me to check in with my body and notice what nervous system state I was in. I paid attention to the stories I was telling myself and began to challenge beliefs that I’d carried for years and started replacing them with ones that actually served me.

One of the most powerful mindset shifts I made was changing the question. For years my brain would automatically look for reasons something wouldn’t work, why I wasn’t ready or why somebody else was more qualified. Whereas now, when fear starts talking, I ask a different question.

Why not me?

I spent years thinking RP would make my world smaller. Instead, it forced me to make it bigger.

Professionally, learning has always been my thing.

I went from school to college to university and trained as a paediatric nurse before completing my specialist public health nursing and later leadership. I’ve always loved understanding people, what drives them, what motivates them and why some people thrive while others stay stuck.

Eventually I became a Chartered Manager and found myself leading teams, supporting people through challenges and helping them develop confidence in themselves.

What fascinated me most wasn’t the operational side, it was the human side. The need to work with peoples mindset and confidence more than pathways and systems. The challenge in coaching my team through something to help them find the solution instead of just giving them the answer. The part where two people can have completely different outcomes because of the way they see themselves and the world around them.

That passion naturally evolved into coaching and a fascination for Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) coaching.

Because coaching isn’t about giving people answers. It’s about helping them see what is already there, challenging assumptions and helping them trust themselves again.

One of the most powerful things I ever learned was that confidence isn’t necessarily believing you’ll succeed at everything, it’s trusting yourself to handle whatever happens next.

I read once that if you lack in confidence its because you don’t trust yourself and that hit me hard. If I don’t trust myself how can I trust anyone else. It took me a while but I slowly rebuilt that trust so now I can manage that imposter syndrome when it appears, quieten those thoughts which aren’t helpful and acknowledge the fear but put it down when I don’t need it.

Outside of work, you’ll usually find me planning a trip somewhere.

I’ve always loved travelling. Before children I travelled extensively and but now we have the boys we do it a little differently. We bought a caravan because it’s easier to throw everything in and set off on an adventure. I have a dream of disappearing around France for a month one summer. Whether I do it remains to be seen, but if you suddenly see me posting photos of pastries from a sunny campsite somewhere, you’ll know I finally followed through.

[Me and my hubby in our prime, in a helicopter flying over the Grand Canyon in 2016]

My husband is my best friend and my biggest cheerleader. We’ve been together since I was 19.

He doesn’t always understand every idea I come up with, which is fair because there are many, but he always listens. He takes my ideas seriously and together we work out whether they fit our life and our family.

One thing I love about our relationship is that we reflect often. If one of the boys is struggling, we sit down together and work out why. If family life feels hard, we look at what needs to change. Sometimes the boys need more one to one time or sometimes they’ve picked up on stress that we didn’t realise we were carrying. Sometimes we need a family day or sometimes we need to adjust our approach completely.

We don’t aim to be perfect parents because that sounds exhausting. We aim to stay curious, learn and adapt.

Leadership has taught me that the best leaders don’t assume they have all the answers and parenting feels much the same.

I also have a dog called Lenny, who would be deeply offended if I wrote an entire article about my life and didn’t mention him. He has absolutely no interest in mindset, leadership or self-development, but he is excellent company and believes he needs to sniff absolutely everything on every walk.

Lenny enjoying our cosy adventure waggon

I’ve always loved learning.

My healthcare background taught me how the body works. My interest in holistic therapies and herbal remedies taught me to look beneath the surface. Leadership taught me how people grow and coaching taught me how people can change.

Life taught me that most of us are far more capable than we think we are. I didn’t build this life because my circumstances became easier. I built it because I stopped believing they had to.

So that’s me.

A former overthinker who learned not to believe everything she thinks.

A women who would be paralysed by perfectionism to the point of getting stuck to now taking action, even if its messy action.

A mum who lost herself and found versions of herself again who I am so proud of.

A woman with RP who spent years believing her life would become smaller before realising she could make it bigger than she’d ever imagined.

A traveller who now owns a caravan and occasionally dreams of running away to France for a month.

And someone who believes that changing your life often starts by changing the story you tell yourself about what is possible.

This is me and I’m really glad you’re here.

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Before You Go...

I want you to know that the shift I experienced happened overtime, through lots of small changes that eventually created a big impact.

I know mums are busy, overtired and worn out. I also know there are a lot of mums quietly wondering, What if there is more? Who am I now? Where am I heading?

If that’s you, I created The Motherhood Compass: Overthinking to Action Workbook.

It’s designed for women who overthink everything, feel stuck where they are and are struggling to understand the version of themselves that motherhood has created. Through guided reflections and practical exercises, it helps you explore where you are now, what matters to you and where you want to go next.

There are no deadlines, no pressure and no expectation that you need to have everything figured out. It’s simply a supportive space to help you reconnect with yourself and start taking small steps forward.

If you’d like to explore that journey further, you can find it here:

Overthinking to Action —>

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Most of us assume that confidence, motivation and willpower are what determine whether we move forward in life, I know I certainly did. It took time for me to understand how to truly improve my confidence and ability to move forward.

Often if we’re stuck, we think we need more confidence, if we’re procrastinating, we think we need more discipline and if we’re doubting ourselves, we think we need to try harder. However, decades of research suggest something more interesting.

The people around us, the environments we immerse ourselves in and the stories we tell ourselves may have far more influence over our decisions than we realise. Understanding those influences is powerful because once we can see them, we can start changing them and if you’re anything like me, that might explain why some seasons of life feel easier to move through than others.

The people around you matter more than you think

Researchers Nicholas Christakis and James Fowler spent years studying social networks and discovered something fascinating. Behaviours, emotions and habits spread through groups of people. it makes sense when you think about it, have you ever been feeling pretty good but then your partner is in a foul mood and all of a sudden you feel like shit too?

This is called social contagion and understanding this concept helps you realise that the people you spend your time with matters.

When I first came across their work, it made complete sense to me because I could immediately see examples of it in my own life. My husband believed I could build this business long before I fully believed it myself. In fact, he bought the business name before I had completely convinced myself that I was capable of doing it. Looking back, I realise how important that was because when you’re surrounded by people who believe growth is possible, you start believing it’s possible too.

The same applies to my friendships. Quality over quantity has always been important to me. Most of my close friends are trying to improve themselves in some way. They’re learning, building businesses, setting goals, challenging themselves and trying new things. It doesn’t mean we’re all sitting around discussing personal development books every weekend, but there is an unspoken understanding that growth is normal.

When one of them joined a gym, I started thinking maybe I should stop pretending carrying a toddler counts as strength training. So low and behold I’ve joined a gym, so if you spot me doing the school run like I’ve spent the weekend riding a horse, you’ll know the first session didn’t go well 😂

But I think there’s another piece to this conversation that matters even more today. For many of us, our environment isn’t just the people we spend time with, it’s also the content we consume.

A quick scroll while the kettle boils, five minutes before bed, a little catch up while the kids are occupied. Just the normal way most of us use social media without giving it much thought.

The problem is that all those little moments add up. I found myself comparing without even meaning to. Someone else’s holiday, someone else’s business, someone else’s house renovation, someone else’s ability to apparently organise packed lunches, maintain a spotless home and train for a marathon before 6am 🫠 Meanwhile I was just trying to remember whether I’d moved the washing from the machine into the dryer. (FYI I hadn’t and it needed to be washed again!)

At first I unfollowed accounts that didn’t make me feel good. Then eventually I came off Instagram and Facebook altogether. Now, before anyone panics, I’m not suggesting everyone should delete social media, this was a long time coming for me and is a decision I am happy with but I know that may not work for everyone.

Now do I miss the birthday reminders? Absolutely. They were carrying an alarming amount of responsibility in my adult life 🙈

But coming away from social media resulted in a shift I am eternally grateful for, I have become far more present in my own life. Coming off social media has helped me stop wondering what everyone else is doing and stopped me comparing my ordinary Tuesday to somebody else’s best moment of the month. I stopped feeling like I was somehow behind in a race I hadn’t even signed up for.

Instead, I started paying more attention to my own life. The memories still got made, the laughs still happened and my holidays were still beautiful but the difference was that I was actually there for them, not watching it all through a screen.

The stories we tell ourselves

The second thing I think keeps many of us stuck isn’t outside of us, it’s inside of us.

For years people would tell me, “You always seem like you’ve got your shit together.” The truth is there were plenty of times I didn’t feel like I did.

I live in a small town which means everyone knows everyone business. I’ve spent plenty of time worrying about being judged, judged for starting a business, judged for wanting something different, judged for putting myself out there, basically judged for even trying.

I’ve come to realise that most of us aren’t actually afraid of failure, we’re afraid of being seen trying and failing.

Sports psychologist Dr Jim Afremow spent years studying elite performers and athletes. One of the themes that repeatedly emerged from performance psychology research is that the quality of our self-talk matters. Not just what we say to ourselves, but how we say it.

If your internal voice constantly sounds critical, dismissive or disappointed, eventually you start believing it. Most of us would never speak to a friend the way we sometimes speak to ourselves, yet we expect ourselves to thrive while carrying that conversation around all day.

The stories we repeatedly tell ourselves eventually become the stories we live.

The identity trap

This is the part I think affects a lot of mums.

Sometimes we become so attached to one identity that we lose sight of everything else. We become “just a mum”, “just my career” or “just the person everyone relies on”.

The problem is that when our entire self worth sits inside one role, life becomes fragile. If work goes badly, we feel like we’ve failed. If parenting feels hard, we feel like we’ve failed. If one area wobbles, everything wobbles.

Research around self-complexity suggests that people cope better psychologically when their identity is spread across different areas of life rather than being dependent on a single role.

Which makes complete sense when you think about it. You are not one role, you are not one title and you are not one season of life. You are a whole person.

This is one reason I’m such a big believer in having things outside of motherhood and work. Not because those things aren’t important, they absolutely are, but because you matter too.

Whether that’s photography, dancing, running, gardening, reading, cold water swimming or something completely different, having parts of your identity that belong solely to you can be incredibly powerful.

When we only ever seek validation through motherhood or work, our self-worth becomes dependent on things we can’t completely control. But when we create a fuller identity, we start building self-worth from the inside out.

Fun fact about me - my first business venture was photography. I loved it and I am adamant I will get my camera back out soon and do the thing I love.

Confidence isn’t something you find

One the biggest myths I used to believe was that confidence comes first and then action follows.

The reality has been the complete opposite. I’ve never felt completely ready for any of the things that have mattered most to me, not coaching, not management, not putting myself online and certainly not sharing my story.

What helped wasn’t waiting to feel confident. It was acting before I felt confident.

I started paying attention to the small things, my posture, how I walked into a room, how I spoke and even how I dressed, because confidence is often built through tiny signals we send to ourselves and others every day.

Over time I realised finding confidence wasn’t about become fearless, it was about acknowledging the fear and moving anyway.

There’s one more thing that has helped me enormously when it comes to confidence and moving forward. A coach once told me that she doesn’t use the word “failure”. At first I didnt understand because of course things don’t always go to plan. But her point wasn’t that everything works, her point was that the word failure comes with so much baggage that it often stops people from trying again. If you’re taking risks, trying new things and putting yourself out there, some things won’t work. That’s not failure, that’s just the price of growth.

The people who grow the fastest aren’t the people who get everything right but are the people who are willing to learn the fastest. They take action, gather information, adjust and go again.

That conversation completely changed the way I think about setbacks. These days, when something doesn’t go the way I’d hoped, I try not to ask, “why did I fail?” instead, I ask, “what is this teaching me?” because one question leaves me feeling stuck and the other gives me something useful to work with.

Sometimes the lesson is small, sometimes the lesson is expensive, sometimes the lesson knocks me sideways for a few days and I need a bit of time to sulk about it before I can see the learning. But eventually I come back to the same conclusion- it’s just data, information and feedback.

It’s also one of the biggest things I help mums with through coaching. Most women I work with already have the ideas, the capability and the strength to move forward. What often gets in the way isn’t a lack of ability, it’s self-doubt, fear and a collection of thought patterns that have been running in the background for so long they no longer question them.

Because of the work I’ve done on mindset, self-doubt and learning to trust myself again, I’ve learned that sometimes you need another person to help you spot your blind spots. Someone to help you notice which thoughts are serving you and which ones are quietly keeping you stuck.

I used to see things in very black and white terms until a coach once said to me “There are fifty shades of grey between those colours. What options aren’t you allowing yourself to see?”

That question changed everything.

I realised I wasn’t stuck because there were no solutions. I was stuck because I was only allowing myself to see two of them.

Over time I’ve found that growth often comes much faster when we spend time untangling the fear, challenging the self-doubt and understanding the stories we’re telling ourselves than it does by jumping straight to a perfectly curated strategy.

Strategies matter, of course they do, but if you don’t believe you’re capable, if you’re constantly second guessing yourself or if fear is making lots of decision for you, even the best strategy in the world would struggle to get you off the ground.

Don’t let anyone convince you that you’re not capable of figuring things out. Sometimes what you need isn’t another plan, it’s just space to sort through your thoughts, challenge your story, understand your environment and reconnect with your own judgement.

Once that starts to happen, trust me, you’ll fly.

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If you saw yourself in this article...

If you’ve read this and found yourself nodding along, recognising some of those thought patterns or seeing how your environment, self-talk or self-doubt might be holding you back, know that you’re not alone.

Most women don’t need a perfectly crafted strategy. They don’t need another productivity hack, another planner or another five-step framework.

Most of the women I meet are already incredibly capable. They’re resilient, resourceful and far stronger than they give themselves credit for. They have ideas they want to pursue, goals they want to achieve and a vision for the life they want to create.

What often gets in the way isn’t a lack of ability. It’s self-doubt, overthinking, fear and the stories they’ve been carrying around for years.

I’ve seen it in my own life and I’ve seen it in the women I work with. When you start challenging the stories that no longer serve you, when you learn to quieten the self-doubt and when you stop waiting for certainty before taking action, things begin to move surprisingly quickly. Not because life suddenly becomes easy, but because you’re no longer spending all of your energy fighting yourself.

This is exactly the sort of work I support mums with.

If you’d like to explore that, you’re welcome to book a free discovery call with me. No pressure, no hard sell, just a conversation to see where you are, where you’d like to be and whether I can help you get there.

Book a Free Discovery Call

If you’re already at the point where you’re thinking, “I know what’s getting in my way and I’m ready to do something about it,” there are a couple of ways I can support you.

If you’d like personalised support, my 2-week Overthinking to Action programme is designed to help you challenge unhelpful thought patterns, quieten self-doubt and start taking action on the things you’ve been putting off through fear.

Learn More About The Motherhood Compass: Overthinking to Action

If coaching feels like a step too far right now, but you’d like to start working through some of the ideas we’ve explored in this article, my Motherhood Compass Workbook is a great place to begin. It’s designed to help you reflect, challenge old thought patterns and start building self-trust at your own pace.

Explore the Motherhood Compass Workbook

Dear pregnant me,

You’re standing at the beginning of something that will change you in ways nobody can fully explain, but believe me, they will try. People will tell you your body is about to change, your sleep is about to disappear and your priorities will shift. All true, but what nobody really tells you is that you are about to meet versions of yourself you didn’t know existed.

Some of them will amaze you and some of them will break your heart a bit.

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There will be days you look at your baby and feel a love so deep it actually hurts. The kind of love that makes your chest ache when they sleep on you and that makes you suddenly understand every terrified mother you’ve ever met. I never understood it when someone said I could just eat their little toes because they are so cute, I do now.

But there will also be moments you sit on the bathroom floor crying because you miss silence. You’ll miss freedom, you’ll miss leaving the house without it taking 3 attempts and supplies to care for a small village. You’ll feel guilty for even thinking this because this is what you wanted, what you prayed for, what you pictured.

That conflict will confuse you at first. How can you love something so much and still mourn the life before it?

Because both things can be true at the same time.

Motherhood is full of contradictions. You will feel lost and in the exact right place, needed and invisible, touched out yet desperate for connection. Often overstimulated but proud of yourself, all the while quietly wondering where the old you went.

Nobody prepares women for the identity shift properly. They hand you a baby and somehow expect you to know how to hold onto yourself too. You will spend some time believing you disappeared. You didn’t, you just grew.

You are still there underneath the mental load, the snack negotiations, the exhaustion and the endless washing pile that somehow reproduces overnight.

Motherhood will often feel hard, but that doesn’t mean you are failing, it means you’re doing it right (say that again!). I need you to remember you are not ungrateful because you need space and you’re certainly not a bad mum because parts of this feel heavier than you imagined.

What you are is a human trying to carry love, responsibility, identity and pressure all at once and one day, much later than you expect, you’ll stop asking yourself why this feels so hard and start realising you were never meant to carry it all perfectly in the first place. Also, don’t go on Instagram, comparison is the devil, I learnt this the hard way!

You’ll grow into this role slowly, but that’s ok, it’s like aging a fine wine, it can’t be rushed. But boy will you grow, more than you could ever imagine. You’ll find strength you didn’t know you had, you’ll trust your gut more and more as time goes on and you’ll begin to remember what this life is about. You’ll release the pressure of judgement and do what you feel is right and in the middle of raising your amazing little humans you’ll remember that lost version of you and see how far you’ve come.

I need you to know this now, even with all of those moments you will doubt yourself, and there will be many:

The grass was never greener on either side.

Every life comes with sacrifice and beauty.

So love the version of you who finally understands that now and always remember that two things can be true at the same time.

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This addiction is not easy to break.
I think most of us are starting to realise we’re addicted to these supercomputers in our pockets, sometimes permanently in our hands. I once heard someone describe a smartphone as a Swiss Army knife, and it’s spot on.

This article isn’t a deep dive, it’s just short, honest, practical ways I’ve started to break up with my phone. This all started with awareness and has resulted in me understanding myself better. Throughout this process, I’ve realised something; I’m not actually as bad for overthinking as I thought. I was just absorbing too much information, caught in constant comparison, and building a never-ending list of things I “should” be doing or buying, all coming from my phone.

I’m not going to pretend this is easy. It’s an addiction after all.
The best explanation I’ve heard came from a Diary of a CEO episode with an addiction specialist. She broke down how the brain works in addiction in a way that actually made sense. It gave me a lot more respect for people battling addiction, and a lot more compassion too.

We tend to only associate addiction with harmful substances. But when you really look at it, it’s wider than that and for me, it was my phone.

I’m a mum of two young boys, and there have been many moments where they’re asking for my attention and I’m on my phone. When I sit and reflect on these moments, I watch myself and think, what are you doing?

But it’s not as simple as saying “just put the phone in another room” or at least, it wasn’t for me.

So here’s what has actually helped.

The four things that helped me break up with my phone

1. Choose one non-negotiable
I started with just one and it was at our Tuesday baby group.
Too many times I’d see Theo happily playing and think, “I’ll just check my phone, he’s fine.”

But then I came across research about the “blank face” response, and how it affects children when they look to their parent and get nothing back. That was enough for me to realise something needed to change.

“Interruptions to parent–child interactions due to technology, or “technoference,” have been correlated with a host of negative child developmental outcomes. Yet, the influence of technoference on parent–infant interactions and infant behaviours has received less attention and more experimental work is warranted”

[Stockdale, Porter, Coyne, Essing, Booth, Keenan-Kroff and Schvaneveldt, 2010]

Now, I don’t touch my phone there. If he looks up and says, “Mummy, look,” I’m already there and I can see the difference. That little smile when he sees that I am watching and connected without even talking.

When I started to leave my phone in my bag, something else shifted too. I stopped treating it like a place for him to play while I switched off. I brought him there to spend time together, so now I sit with him, play all the games with him, and actually be in the space together.

That one boundary set a new standard for me and I now won’t break it.

2. No phone in the garden
I stopped taking my phone outside. Simple, but not so easy.

I’ve got two boys who want to run, climb, and pretend they’re pirates with plastic swords and, if I’m honest, I used to get bored. I told myself I didn’t have the imagination or energy to join in, but that wasn’t true.

I just wanted to be on my phone.

In my head, they were playing, so that was my “time to relax,” which I discuss more in point 3.

Now I leave my phone on loud near the door in case my husband calls, but I don’t take it with me. I don’t make those excuses about my imagination anymore and we play all sorts. Even when I sit down to rest (which is absolutely ok btw, mums don’t need to play 24/7), I enjoy the sound of the kids playing, birds singing, and actually feel the warmth on my skin from the sun. All things I didn’t notice when I had my head in my phone.

I’m not saying the urge goes away. It doesn’t, I still get the same thoughts - you could be working, you need to reply to that email, don’t forget the food shop.

But I’ve stopped acting on them straight away. I notice them, plan time for them later, and get back to being present. And over time, they’ve started to lose their pull.

Small shifts make big impacts.

3. Rethinking what “relaxing” actually is
So onto how I reframed what relaxing actually is.

I used to believe my phone helped me relax. A little scroll of Insta, finding ideas on Pinterest, catching up with everyone’s stories, but on reflection, no part of that actually helped my brain rest. I was absorbing endless content, causing comparison, constant “ooo I want that” thoughts, and taking me away from being happy with what I have. Even a nice photo on Instagram would make me think, “I should get my camera back out and find time for my photography again.” I mean I have such a busy life, I don’t need to be adding more to my to-do list, but this is what that little scroll did to me.

But it’s the same pattern you see with any addiction. Your brain tells you it helps but really, you’re just feeding the cycle.

It might feel good for a second because of the dopamine hit, but it’s not real rest, it’s just keeping you hooked.

Now, if I actually want to relax, I do something that gives me space to reduce the overthinking, block out the noise, and above all remain grateful for the life I have.

I am proud to say my phone is no longer my go-to place to relax.

4. Watching it in other people (this one hit me hard)
This one changed things quickly.

Once I became aware of my own habits, I started noticing it everywhere.

• Parents at baby group staring at their phones.
• People at dinner tables scrolling.
• That constant checking, like they’re waiting for the King to ring.

And then you see the kids, staring at that blank face expression, desperate to feel the connection, but all they see is the phone.

It made me feel uncomfortable and, if I’m honest, really sad.

I understand both sides, because I’ve been that mum too, but seeing it from the outside made it a lot harder to ignore.

And that awareness helped me change because without it, it’s just an idea, noise telling you to cut down screen time. It’s only when you really examine it that you see the problem yourself.

What I’m working towards next

This isn’t done, I’m still in it.

Here’s what I am trialling now:

• Phone stays in one place
I have a phone stand in the kitchen. Phone stand

When I get home, it goes there plugged in and on loud. If I want to use it, I have to stand there. I know this will help me make better choices as it’s not always natural or easy to choose a book or get the games out with the kids when I am tired and my brain is saying “relaxxx pick up your phone, it will help” 🙄

• Using the right tool for the job
Phones do everything, and that’s part of the problem.
I’m adding clocks around the house so I stop checking my phone for the time.
My watch is being stripped back to calls only. No app notifications, just calls and fitness tracking.
My laptop is for emails and Substack. This way my kids see that I am working, not just mindlessly scrolling my phone.

(AD I am an Amazon affiliate and I may earn a small commission if you buy through my link at no extra cost to you)

For me, it’s about building a healthier relationship with my phone and showing my kids what that looks like. Because I know what’s coming. The conversations about phones, screens, and boundaries as my kids get older and if I can’t model it now, what leg do I have to stand on when I say no later?

My 7-year-old has already asked for a phone. I’ve said no, but I also don’t want to be a hypocrite, so this is me going first.

My advice for anyone wanting to reduce their screen time would be:
Start small, pick one boundary or one time you will leave your phone somewhere else.

Breaking habits like this isn’t about willpower alone. You need a strong reason behind it, or you’ll slip straight back into old patterns.

I don’t have it all figured out, but I’ve seen enough to know I don’t want to go back to how it was.

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Let’s work together.

I’ve opened up 2 spaces for my 1:1 Overthinking to Action program.

If you’re ready to:
• stop the constant overthinking spiral
• challenge the beliefs keeping you stuck
• actually plan your next step in a way that fits your life

then message me and let’s get you moving.

If you feel pulled in every direction, keep telling yourself you “don’t have time” or “maybe when the kids are older” but that niggle to do something more won’t leave you alone - this is your sign.

You get to be on your own list too.

Or drop me an email at Hello@evokeandlead.com and we’ll have a no-pressure chat to see what support feels right for you.

This all starts with my grandma.

My beautiful, spiritual, magical grandma.

When I was born, she and all of her sisters gathered together and did a ritual, calling on our ancestors to protect me. I didn’t think much of that growing up, it was just one of those “that’s my family” stories.

She used to take me for walks by the sea. We’d stand there, sometimes not even saying much, just watching the tide come in and out.

We would walk, arms linked, and she’d tell me to feel it, the energy from the sea. She’d say, feel it within you, we are all energy, impacted by the tide.

At the time, I nodded along, I felt better for the walk, but I wasn’t fully embracing her advice. But thankfully, her messages stayed with me for when I was ready to listen.

My grandma has always had magic inside her. She would tell us fairy stories when we were little and me and my sister both had fairy names. Mine was Fanellafanakapan. I love that my grandparents still call me Fanella sometimes.

Her magic and messages were always there, I just hadn’t always been listening.

The shift for me came when I started on my own transformational journey.

I remember finishing my third day on my first coaching course. It had been a great day, full of people who saw a side of me I hadn’t shown in a long time. I got home before the kids and had a rare moment of stillness in the garden, so I treated myself to a glass of wine in peace.

For the first time in my life, I could actually feel something guiding me. It felt like a lightbulb moment, one that I was actually ready to listen to.

I remember picking up my phone and sending a voice note to my grandma.
“I can feel it. I can actually feel the universe guiding me.”

At the time, even saying it out loud felt a bit weird. Like, who actually says that?

But I meant every word.

She replied saying,
“So all that talking didn’t all fall on deaf ears lol.”

She’d been planting those seeds my whole life and I was just finally ready to hear them.

From that point on something shifted. I didn’t suddenly have everything figured out and I definitely didn’t have a perfect plan, but for the first time I was open. And when I stayed open, things started to happen.

Opportunities started to show up, conversations happened and doors opened that I didn’t even know existed before. Not because I forced them, but because I was finally willing to see them and say yes.

Here’s the truth, I could have ignored it, I could have stayed in “not yet”. Waited until life felt calmer or until I had more time, more confidence, more certainty.

Which, let’s be honest as a mum, I would be waiting forever, because time will always be filled and your brain will always find an excuse.

I couldn’t be more grateful that I didn’t wait or I wouldn’t be here now.

Tony Robbins once said something that stuck with me:
“In ten years you will surely arrive, the question is where?”

For me, I knew I didn’t want to arrive still thinking about it, still waiting for the right time and for my confidence to arrive.

I wanted to arrive at a life where I actually went for it. Creating a life I love, not staying in the passenger seat of my own life. To reference my favourite Christmas movie, I wanted to be the leading lady in my own story.

I want a thriving coaching business, work that fits around my family and to continue with this version of me that stops waiting and just does the thing that makes me happy.

And I think that’s what all of this has really been teaching me. Not just to believe I can create something for me, something magical and aligned, but to actually listen in to the universe’s guidance and, above all, my intuition.

Because it’s one thing to feel a pull when everything is new and exciting, it’s another thing to trust your intuition when real life is involved. Money, decisions, plans you’ve already committed to.

Recently, I had a business decision that felt quite big.

I was all set to go in one direction with my membership. I’d invested money into it and at the time, it felt right. But the more work I’ve done around mindset, especially the connection between the mind and body, the more I’ve learnt to notice when something doesn’t feel aligned.

At first, when I noticed this, I tried to push through it because that’s what we do, isn’t it?

“You’ve already started this”
“You’ve spent the money”
“Just keep going”

But that feeling didn’t go away and then something unexpected came up. Not business related at all, it was a personal dream I’ve had for a long time.

A towing caravan.

The kind of thing that gives you freedom, spontaneous weekends away, just packing up and going, kids and dog in tow, time together as a family.

In that moment I realised, if I stopped paying for that service, which actually no longer felt aligned, I could put that money towards the van.

I could choose the thing I actually wanted all along, which was not just building a business for the sake of it, but building a life where my family and I get to live.

I’ve always said I want my business to work with my family, not override them. But this was the first time I had to actually prove that to myself. Not just say it, actually choose it.

And that’s what this all comes back to for me.

From my grandma, to that moment in the garden, to where I am now (excited to pick up our new adventure waggon)

It’s not about having all the answers, it’s about learning to listen in to the things that don’t quite sit right and be open to the opportunities that come along that feel scary but exciting.

For me, that’s where the real work starts. Not forcing your way forward, but becoming someone who trusts themselves enough to see the opportunities in front of you and be brave enough to say yes.

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I remember one day a few years ago when my youngest was still under one, my eldest went to stay with his nan for the night. I remember getting back after dropping him off and carrying on with my evening.

But I soon realised something was feeling strange. Yes, I missed my eldest, but that wasn’t it, it was that everything just felt easier. Now before you say “well duh” it took me back to when I only had one and genuinely found it hard.

So why now, when I just have the one at home, who is still a baby, did it feel easier?
I realised that it was all about perspective. When I just had one, I was in the thick of it, most likely telling myself this was hard and selling myself a pretty good story.

Now I have two kids, I have something to compare it to and for the record… that’s exactly why we stopped at two 😅

I had that same realisation again, when I started my coaching business.
Before that, I would have told you my days and weeks were full. No time for hobbies, growth and certainly no time to start a business.

But here I am, so grateful as I sit here writing this, because I found the time.
I didn’t magically create the time, I used my time differently.

Let me ask you this:
What is one thing you want to be able to do by the end of 2026?
• Get a promotion
• Build a business
• Feel healthier
• Learn something new

I want you to keep that goal in mind as you’re reading this.

The biggest shift for me?

I swapped consuming for creating.

It sounds simple but it takes time to change habits. I remember hearing Vishen from Mindvalley say that all I needed to do was swap out my Netflix time and I’d find the hours I needed each week to add growth into my life.

That has been life changing for me, because not only did I swap out Netflix, I swapped doom scrolling to content creation, I swapped podcasts to modules on my coaching app and became efficient at how I used my time.

And I got intentional. Now if I want to achieve something, I set detailed goals, not that I want to read a book, but that I will read two pages a day with my breakfast.
This is where my momentum really started to kick in.

So let me ask you something else:
What story are you telling yourself about time?

When my clients say they don’t have time, and we look at this properly, time is rarely the problem. We all have busy lives, but until you begin getting curious about why you’re saying, I don’t have the time, you are allowing your brain to keep you firmly in safe mode.

This is a subtle form of self-doubt. It’s not loud, and you may think it’s reasonable to say “I don’t have time” or “I’ll wait until things calm down a bit” but have you tried to get curious with these thoughts? Because if you have, it’s often deep-rooted in staying in safety and routine.
(P.s I’m still waiting for that calm phase… anyone seen it? 👀🙈)

But if I said to you “you can go after that goal, and it will 100% work”
You would find the time, because it’s safe.

If I took that guarantee away, it suddenly feels risky. Especially as a mum, because your brain isn’t just thinking about you anymore, it’s thinking about your kids.

But the truth is, safe doesn’t move you forward.

I don’t expect anyone to uproot their life and throw routine out of the window. I still love routine and predictability. However, I have found ways of getting comfortable being uncomfortable.

And the biggest reason I feel this matters is, your kids are watching.
They are watching all of it. How you speak to yourself, what you put on hold, what you say you’ll do but never get round to.

And the hard bit to swallow is, if you keep waiting, they’ll learn to wait too.

But when you start, even if it’s messy, even if it’s small, you show them what’s possible.

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If you need help finding your time window to go after that goal, I created a free resource to help mums reset and get organised. Download it here and let’s put you back on that list.

Mum Life Mastery - time to put you back on the list

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One day early last year, I remember feeling a weight lift. I had finished dinner, the kitchen was cleaned, the kids were getting ready for bed, and everything felt calm. I had been saying I wanted to get out for more walks, so that evening my husband said, “You get out for a walk, I’ve got this.”

It was in that moment, all of a sudden, that I realised my survival season was lifting.

I breastfed both my boys to 19 months and 16 months and, as much as I was happy with my decision, for so long I felt like I was deep in the trenches. Both of my boys didn’t sleep, and anyone who has lived through prolonged sleep deprivation knows exactly what that does to you.

My three-year-old still tootles into our bed some nights, but now I don’t mind the cuddle. Back then though, every broken night was exhausting.

I remember thinking, almost out of nowhere, I’m starting to feel like me again. It came with a sense of final relief.

My husband could manage both kids on his own for a bit without it feeling like a military operation for me to leave the house. I started going for evening walks, just me and the quiet. The heaviness of the survival season was slowly starting to lift.

People always say it gets easier, but no one can tell you when or how, because every journey is unique.

When you’re in the thick of it, you cling to timelines people throw around. Six months when they start weaning, one year when they go to nursery, eighteen months when they become more independent. I expected that “easier” point to arrive long before it actually did.

But sleep deprivation makes so much impossible. It clouds everything. Your thinking, your patience, your sense of self. Looking back now, I can see that everyone’s journey through those early years is so individual. At the time though, I’ll be honest, there were moments I felt green with envy towards mums whose babies slept through the night. I was jealous of how they had the energy to function, to plan things, to do normal life the way I wanted so badly.

The strange thing is, I didn’t fully realise how deep in survival mode I had been until the fog began to lift.

For me, the first real sign came from something very small. At the start of last year I had made a New Year’s resolution to do tasks as soon as they appeared instead of endlessly putting them off. A colleague of mine always says, “Never pick up a piece of paper twice.” It’s such a simple rule. But I never followed it.

I would write things on a to-do list, look at them ten times, attempt them three times, then panic would strike and I’d be scrambling to finish right before the deadline. I constantly wondered why I did this to myself, why I never seemed to look after my future self and just get the thing done.

At the time, setting that resolution was about discipline. Looking back, it turned out to be so much more.

It was actually the first signal that I was coming out of my survival season.

Because when Theodore turned two, something shifted. The fog that had been sitting over my brain for so long started to clear. I suddenly noticed I had actually kept that New Year’s resolution which, as we all know, never happens.

It wasn’t that I had magically become more productive. It was that I could finally think again.

When your brain is at full capacity from exhaustion, constant needs and broken nights, there simply isn’t space left for anything else. Tasks sit there untouched because there’s no mental room to process them until urgency forces you to act.

Realising that was a huge moment for me. It was the first real sign that I was beginning to feel like myself again.

By the summer, I started exercising, I planned monthly Margarita nights with friends and I found small pockets of time that were just mine. I began putting myself first again. I had the capacity to learn new things, to explore mindset work, and to reflect on how I viewed the world and the life I was building.

None of it happened overnight. My journey out of the trenches was slow and steady and I think that’s important to say out loud because so many mums are told it gets easier, but the timeline rarely matches reality.

If the fundamentals are still hard, if sleep isn’t there and there is no breathing room for yourself, it doesn’t suddenly feel easier just because a certain age has been reached.

But it does change. And when it does, it creeps in, sometimes without you realising. One day you realise the fog has lifted just enough that you can see yourself again.

If you’re reading this and you’re still in the survival season, I see you. It’s relentless, and it can feel like you’re stuck there forever. But seasons do shift, even when they take longer than expected.

For me, once that space started to return, I realised it was time to understand and challenge the story I was telling myself. Motherhood had taught me so much about who I am. My resilience was as tough as steel, my determination was unmatched, and I had never felt this confident to be who I wanted to be.

I had worked my way up into management and I was happy there, but a quiet feeling inside said I could do more to help people. I couldn’t be more grateful for that feeling.

I think the biggest change for me was realising my kids are watching. We live in a small town, and I am determined to help them see that the world has so much more to offer if you just dare to look.

And that, for me, has been one of the most powerful parts of stepping out of the trenches. Not just surviving motherhood, but slowly remembering who I am within it.

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What season of motherhood are you in right now? And what has it taught you so far? Let’s share the lessons so we can all learn from each other.

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You don’t need another fancy leadership course to tell you what good leadership looks like.
If you’re raising children, running a household and keeping everyone afloat, you are already practising leadership every single day. The difference is that at home we call it parenting and at work we call it leadership.

In this article, I want to show you four leadership skills I see mums using constantly. Skills that organisations spend thousands trying to teach. The only thing missing for many of us is recognising them and backing ourselves enough to use them confidently at work.

Because the truth is, many mums already have the skills. We just haven’t been told they count.

The day arrived for my End Point Assessment for my Leadership and Management diploma. 18 months of preparation, planning and revision had gone into it, and I wanted the grade I had worked for.

However, the night before, my youngest was vomiting all night, and I mean all night. You know those moments when you think, seriously? What the hell have I done to deserve this? Those full-on victim mode moments.

Now we have all been there. The sheets are everywhere, lights on, bath running, chaos in full swing, and all the while I was thinking, how the hell will I get through tomorrow?

I woke up on about two hours of broken sleep and thought, well, if this is not the epitome of motherhood then I do not know what is. I could have asked for grace from the assessors, I could have postponed, but I did not want to. I had done the work and I was desperate to just get through it.

So I led myself through it with ultimate brain fog, tired eyes and stress levels that were far from ideal, and I achieved a Distinction.

I achieved this because motherhood had already trained me. It has instilled a resilience in me that I cannot ignore anymore. The get-back-up attitude, the ability to function under pressure and the strength to keep moving even when conditions are far from ideal.

Leadership is fundamental to motherhood, we just do not label it as such.

If you have ever looked at your CV and thought, what skills do I have? I have been a stay-at-home mum for years, this is your reminder that you have been in one of the most intense leadership roles there is.

Here are four leadership skills you are already building and how to use them intentionally, from the school playground to the boardroom.

1. Lead with your body first

Before we even talk strategy, we need to talk about posture.

I realised during my management career that I often physically shrank myself in meetings without noticing. Sitting back, shoulders slightly rounded, trying not to take up too much space, then wondering why I felt riddled with imposter syndrome.

There is a psychological concept called embodied cognition, which explores how our posture influences our mental state. Research in this area suggests that an upright posture with your chin level is linked with increased feelings of confidence and lower stress responses. Your nervous system is constantly scanning for cues, and your posture is one of them.

When you sit tall, chest open and chin level, your brain receives a different message. This is not about pretending to be confident, it is about aligning your body with the leader you already are.

Practical tool: Before your next meeting or difficult conversation, plant your feet flat on the floor or, if you are sitting, sit towards the edge of your chair. Lift through your chest and ensure that your chin is parallel to the floor. This gap between your sternum and chin matters. Take one steady breath and let your body lead your brain into feeling confident and less anxious.

Sometimes, leadership starts with how you sit in the chair.

2. Resilience: Do not let challenge become a full stop

In previous years, when faced with a challenge my instant response would often be, I cannot do this. I didn’t even give myself a fair chance. Those words were often automatic whenever hardship struck.

Fast forward to now, after I put in the time and effort to understand resilience, fixed and growth mindset and imposter syndrome, I no longer have that automatic thought and I certainly do not let it pull me to a stop.

Resilience means not seeing challenge as a paralysing event. It means focusing on what you can control rather than dwelling on what you cannot, and then committing to the next step. You commit to your goals in spite of the challenge ahead, and I can almost guarantee that if you think back you have many examples of how you have done this. I mean, childbirth anyone?

Resilience is not about pretending things are easy and it is not about pushing through exhaustion at all costs. It is about maintaining your footing when life throws disruption your way.

And if there is one group of people who practise this daily, it is mothers.

As a mum, my plans change constantly, sleep disappears and illness arrives at the worst possible time. Yet somehow, day after day, I adjust, I solve the problems in front of me and I keep going, and I imagine you do too.

Mums carry an abundance of resilience, but many do not recognise it because they see it as survival rather than strength.

So this is your moment to pause and acknowledge it. The resilience you need to navigate challenges in your career or personal ambitions is already there. Motherhood has been building it in the background.

When you notice yourself spiralling, which might sound like I cannot do this, I am behind everyone else, this is too hard or what if I get it wrong, pause for a moment and bring your attention back to what you can control.

Ask yourself one simple question: what is one thing within my control right now?

It might be sending one email, preparing for one conversation, writing one paragraph or applying for one opportunity. Small actions pull you out of emotional overwhelm and back into your thinking brain, where solutions live. Pair that one move with a power pose and you are already shifting the state you are in.

If motherhood has taught us anything, it is that we are far more capable than we often give ourselves credit for.

As the saying goes, “a river cuts through rock not because of its power, but because of its persistence.”

So do not give up. You can only fail if you quit.

3. Communicate like you belong in the room

Many capable women lose authority in the way they communicate, not because they lack knowledge but because they shrink themselves before anyone else has even challenged them.

You might start your sentences with phrases like “Sorry, this might be a silly question…”, “Sorry if this doesn’t make sense but…” or “I might be wrong here, but…”. These small disclaimers quietly shrink the authority of what you are about to say before you have even said it.

Leadership requires clarity, and I could give you ten examples of how you manage little rascals with pure confidence and leadership before 9am. Do you apologise before speaking to your kids? No. Do you over-explain simple instructions? No. So why are you doing this at work?

Some people imagine a room full of naked people to help them with public speaking. If your way of owning the room is imagining that you are speaking to your kids while giving clear instructions to get dressed, brush their teeth and put their shoes on, then do it.

Two other great communication tools that help me lead my team and keep conversations flowing at networking events are:

1. Replace “but” with “and”.
When you say, “I understand your point, but…” the word but cancels what came before it. When you say, “I understand your point, and I think we should consider this…” you stay collaborative while still asserting your view.

2. The 3–2–1 rule from communication expert Vinh Giang.
I have never been a fan of small talk. I live in England and the weather is not a particularly exciting topic, yet it is always the default when people are stuck for something to say. When I attended Vin’s masterclass, this framework helped me manage small talk, interviews and meetings more confidently.

The framework stops you from rambling. Instead, you structure your point around three steps, two types or one thing about the topic at hand. It is simple but incredibly effective once you understand it, so if it interests you I recommend watching his YouTube video. It is something I use most days alongside confident posture to help remind my brain that I belong in the room.

Motherhood has already given you negotiation skills, resilience and emotional awareness. Now use them to refine how you deliver your voice.

The 3-2-1 speaking trick

4. Stop living in urgent mode

Most mums live in urgent mode because motherhood trains you to respond fast. Someone is crying, someone needs a wee and they have held it right to the point of wetting themselves, and someone always needs you.

Stephen Covey’s time management matrix divides tasks into urgent and important categories.

1. Urgent and important
This is real life. A sick child, a deadline today, a genuine crisis at work or that life admin you have been putting off but which is now here to bite you in the ass.

2. Urgent but not important
This is the noise surrounding motherhood and often the most overwhelming category. Constant notifications, emails that you never get on top of and cleaning the cream carpet because the kids spilled spaghetti hoops on it. (Why did I get a cream carpet with two kids and a dog? Bad choices, Caitlin.)

3. Important but not urgent
This is where leadership lives. Updating your CV before you desperately need it. Applying for the role even if you are not one hundred percent ready. Building your business by choosing tasks that actually move the needle in the small pockets of time motherhood allows. Protecting your health before burnout forces you to and having the difficult conversation before resentment builds.

Look at your to-do list this week and circle one thing that is important but not urgent so you are not getting lost in the noise of the other tasks that always seem to take priority. Even 30 focused minutes is leadership. And do not worry, the carpet stain will still be there when you have booked that speaking event or posted your reel, but you will feel a lot better about cleaning it if you have done something for you first.

If you find it difficult to prioritise yourself in the middle of everything motherhood demands, I created a simple resource with small daily actions to help you shift from constant urgency into intentional progress. You can download it here if that feels helpful. Mum-Life Mastery 7 day Challenge

The truth is, many mums are already leading every single day. We manage emotions, solve problems, make decisions under pressure and keep the ship sailing. Most leadership programmes spend months trying to teach these skills, yet mums practise them before breakfast.

So if you have ever sat in a meeting wondering if you belong there, take this as your reminder. You are not starting from scratch. The skills are already there, it is just time to start recognising them and using them with confidence at work too.

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Time is the one thing we all get in equal measure. It doesn’t matter how rich, organised or tired we feel, we all wake up with the same 24 hours.

The difference is in how we use it and I want to share some ways I now use my time to get myself back on the list.

As mums the time juggle is real, it feels relentless and often impossible to figure out ways for time to stop disappearing. There are many days when I wish away time, trying to wish myself to a point where I have all the time to do what I want to do, then the sound of little feet running around and “Mummy can you help me?” brings me right back to wanting time to stand still so I can soak up these moments forever.

Mums are the silent superheroes of the world, and everybody wants a slice of us. The kids, your partner, your family, school and the washing pile that somehow breeds overnight. And if you let it, motherhood will consume every last minute because there is always something to do.

In my survival seasons I didn’t dream big, I had a story I told myself and that’s the ceiling I put above myself. And I don’t look back and regret it, I am glad I didn’t overwhelm myself in those first few years because my goodness, motherhood broke me down, right down, before I began to build myself back up.

But now, something I am actively doing is growing as a person, building something I am deeply passionate about and reminding myself that I am a person with dreams, not just a logistics manager with snacks.

Here are some ways I have added into my weekly routine to help me live a fulfilled motherhood with my boys and allow my dreams to become my reality.

1. Using What’s Available To You

One of the biggest shifts for me was using the government childcare funding that was available. I technically only needed two nursery days because my mum has Theodore on the other day. But when my children moved out of that intense survival season and into slightly more independent little humans, it was time to add in that day for me.

It was time to be creative again, find a part of this world that excites me. I once had my own photography business, which I absolutely loved, I didn’t make much money as I did a lot for less than £50 but the experience, passion and love I felt for this little business lit something inside me – the love for creativity!

This one day a week means everything to me. I know friends who have done this to get on top of the relentless house jobs, food shop and life admin, so on the other days they are more present for their kids. If I wasn’t building a business this is what I would do too.

Don’t get me wrong, guilt tries to creep in. It was 6 months earlier than when I put my eldest in nursery for 3 days but because this choice aligned with my values, I was able to park it because I know that I am not doing this instead of my family, I am doing this for my family.

So I chose to use one full day a week purely for my business. Client calls, planning, content, admin - all of it.

2. Choosing One Evening Instead of Every Evening

I have learnt a lot about feminine leadership, and I know hustle does not suit me long term. The constant grind energy leaves me feeling resentful and tired. So instead of working every spare minute, I chose one evening a week to focus on tasks, maybe content or replying to emails.

This gives me wiggle room without living in the constant “I should be doing more” mode. Something I have worked really hard on is catching myself in the act when saying “should”, “need”, “must” and I now replace this with, “I want to” and this simple reframe helps me release the frantic energy that can build up sometimes because let’s face it, everywhere you look someone is telling you to hustle.

3. The Art of Smaller, Intentional Goals

Big goals can feel like climbing a mountain with a toddler hanging off your leg.

Recently I shifted how I set goals so instead of focusing on the giant end result, I focus on the next milestone. For example, I have changed my original goal of I want to read more, to “Every morning while I eat breakfast I will read two pages.”

This small shift helped me bring awareness to the fact that I wasn’t always short of time, I just wasn’t prioritising my time effectively to benefit me. I think the biggest shift here was to lower my expectations. I looked at that mountain and used to think, I need a month without any interruptions and to hunker down in a hotel somewhere to get this off the ground.

But what I realised is, I am not doing this to replace my family, I am doing it for them, so it needs to fit around them.

I will reach my goals because I am making them feel so familiar their manifestation is the next logical step. So making my goals fit around my kids, parks the guilt, shifts my energy and actually helps me move forward.

4. Learning on the go

Sometimes a barrier which prevents mums moving forward is getting the education/training they need to move away from their current path and into a new one. So this is where learning on the go is really helpful and almost essential in busy motherhood.

One simple way I use time intentionally is setting off half an hour early for the school run. This gives me a walk and learning time. Two birds, one stone.

I am studying to be an NLP practitioner, so I listen to training or demo sessions while I walk. If something resonates, I pause and record a voice note.

If I learn something I teach it. To my husband, my friends, even my kids. If I can explain it, I know I have understood it as I do not have time to keep relearning the same thing because it did not stick the first time.

If I am at home making notes, I split my page into two columns. One side is verbatim notes and the other side is my own thoughts and how it applies to my life. This note-taking technique makes the learning mine and that is where it sticks.

5. Time audit

If you are struggling with your time as a busy mum, something that could be beneficial is completing a time audit. This is not to shame yourself, but it is to bring awareness to where you might not be telling yourself the truth.

A truth which came out for me was the doom scrolling. I didn’t class myself as someone who doom scrolled a lot, but I realised that when I was doing this, I could be doing 2 other things… resting my brain (because I am rubbish at this so it needs to be intentional) or being productive.

Even reclaiming 20 minutes a day gives you over two hours a week. That is eight hours a month. Use it wisely and use it for you.

When we say we do not have time sometimes what we mean is we have not chosen what matters most yet. And if this article can do anything for you today, make sure you are putting yourself at the top of your “what matters most” list.

Let’s show our kids what it looks like to live and lead a full life, one where we never ask ourselves to erase our wants and needs to satisfy everyone else.

So tell me if you had two uninterrupted hours this week, what would you choose to do with them?

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Before I get into this, I want to make it clear that I have immense gratitude for those who paved the way for women to lead full lives and have equality in the workplace. My grandma tells me stories of when she marched in London and they burned their bras, and I am so grateful that they did.

This conversation is a new one, one we in modern motherhood need to have and fight for: equality in motherhood.

Equality in gender and business now exists in many spaces, but what was not fully considered was the role the mother played and still plays within the household. That role has not been re-evaluated or adjusted in many homes. I know this is not a blanket statement, and I am genuinely pleased that in some households everything is shared as it should be.

The problem is that motherhood largely remains the most unequal job in society.

A 2025 comparative study by Jin Young Hwang at the University of Edinburgh, published in Magna Scientia Advanced Research and Reviews, explored gender roles in modern parenting among working mothers and stay-at-home fathers in urban societies and found that despite increased workforce participation, traditional gender expectations persist. Working mothers continue to experience societal pressure to balance career and childcare, facing what sociologist Arlie Hochschild termed the “second shift,” the unpaid domestic labour and emotional management that begins after a full day of paid work. This research shows what women are holding and managing every single day, even as the narrative tells us equality has arrived.

Women are still expected to work like we do not have children, mother like we do not have jobs, and hold it all together like we do not have nervous systems. When we created equality for women in the workforce, we did not rebuild the system of motherhood to match it.

In my own household we share a lot and my husband is supportive, yet what remains unequal is written into our contracts. I am contractually entitled to carers leave if the children are sick, whereas my husband does not have that same provision and would need to take unpaid leave. That small detail reflects something much bigger, the responsibility still falls on mothers’ shoulders to forfeit their day, their to-do list and step back into full-time mum mode, because let’s be honest, most families cannot afford unpaid leave in the middle of a cost-of-living crisis.

There is also a deeper truth here for me personally.

When I got the job I am in now, I thought I was lucky. I am a Service Lead in the NHS and when the role became available it was offered as a job share, which meant I could work part time. After having my first child, I knew I wanted to work three days because in my mind I did not have a baby to barely see him. We were fortunate that we could afford the financial cut back, so we made smarter, more thrifty decisions and adjusted our lifestyle accordingly.

At the time, it felt like I had found the balance so many women are searching for, a senior role, part time hours and presence at home. What I had not realised was how complicated that balance would feel later down the line. I love my job (most days) and I am proud of the level I work at, but working three days at my level of pay is rare and far from standard. With organisational restructure happening in the background, I feel fearful, not because I doubt my ability to find another job, but because my work life balance is how I can continue to run our ship, it is how our finances work, it is how I stay well enough to mother and lead at the same time, and without that balance I genuinely do not know how I will remain present for my kids, and keep my ambition alive.

When you carve out a version of motherhood that works for your family, it can feel fragile because the structures around you were never designed with that version in mind.

Research presented by The King’s Fund, drawing on work from the Nuffield Foundation, reinforces this reality, showing that mothers, particularly those with young children, face multiple disadvantages when it comes to job quality, a reality they have termed the “motherhood penalty in job quality.” Even when women remain in the workforce, the quality, flexibility and progression of their roles often suffer once they become mothers.

What Mums Are Actually Saying

I have started asking mums for their honest motherhood truths to open up this conversation. The feminist in me would love to do something meaningful with this data one day, and I do have a slightly obsessive determination when something matters to me, so who knows, I may channel my inner Anna Whitehouse and get this conversation to Parliament.

These are the truths we need to be listening to and bringing awareness to.

Where does motherhood feel uneven, unbalanced, or stacked against women?

“Affects my career progression.”

“Free time, career.”

“We work, we mentally prepare for everything, we have to be the best in every area and if we do something for ourselves we feel guilty.”

“In life, job, role, income.”

“The pressure to have a perfect life, job, house, home-cooked meals and be the best parent.”

“Everywhere. Work is a huge one. Labour. Life admin.”

What is something about motherhood you find hard, but rarely say out loud?

“The lack of time just for myself”

“Mum guilt, going to the gym when I could be at home at the weekend with my girls, or rushing them to bed, as I have work to do.”

“Playing with my kids when I know how much other stuff I’ve got to do”

“Juggling work and home - ‘mum guilt’”

“The monotony.. having to do the same things millions of times!”

There is a pattern here, and it is not subtle.

The Mental Load No One Sees

It is not just cooking and cleaning, it is remembering the school trip form, knowing when the nappies are running low, booking the GP appointment, tracking development milestones, organising birthday gifts and holding everyone’s emotions. Even in homes where partners are supportive, most women remain the project manager of the family, not because men are villains, but because culture did not shift fast enough to carry the weight that was added.

The Guilt Trap

As a young girl you are told you can have it all and you dream big, grateful that the world is your oyster, until you get pregnant. I hear so many stories of discrimination in the workplace simply because you are a mum, fighting for maternity leave, fighting to keep your job when you return, fighting for flexible working even though it is now law, thank you Mother Pukka and Flex Appeal.

Modern motherhood has a cruel twist, women can do anything now, but they are also expected to do everything.

Why This Matters

Mums everywhere are doing it all, running the ship, earning the promotion, managing friendships and somehow fitting in the gym and nutritious food, the plates just keep spinning and yes, mums truly are superheroes, but at what cost.

Our nervous systems are fried, our self-criticism is relentless and we sit dangerously close to burnout while still finding a way to keep going, which means the cycle continues.

The question we should be asking is not how women can manage better, it is how we build a model of parenthood that truly shares the load if our work structures are supposedly equal, and what equality would look like if it had been designed with mothers in mind from the beginning.

Equality in one area exposed the cracks in another, and the least we can do is start telling the truth about what that actually feels like.

If you want to share your thoughts on this, comment below or fill in the Google form to join a conversation that feels long overdue

Share your thoughts

Mum guilt has just become part and parcel of every mum’s life in this modern version of motherhood we are all living. I don’t believe this has impacted previous generations in the same way, and I assume that’s due to the masses of information we now have at our fingertips.

Guilt has shown up in my motherhood journey in all extremes, from trying to gentle parent, to worrying about using chemical dishwasher tablets because they might cause leaky gut syndrome. I now have a lovely water filter attached to my kitchen sink to make sure my children have clean water, because if you read about how bad our water is here in England, my god, it’s scary.

But here’s the thing, if I didn’t care so deeply about the impact on my children, I wouldn’t be crippled with guilt when I don’t know something, or when I learn something new and feel like I need to change everything overnight.

I suppose it all comes down to feeling 100% responsible for my two little babies and how they grow, develop, and learn in this crazy world we’re raising them in.

Around a year ago, I started exploring the deeper, inner parts of myself. I didn’t feel like I was living life as me, more like a socially accepted version of me. Through this process, I explored my values and beliefs and discovered something that finally helped me understand mum guilt.

Guilt is a value-based emotion.

When you truly understand your values and beliefs, you can live, parent, and act in a way that aligns with them. Writing out my values was a new experience. I knew I had a core set, but I hadn’t really paid attention to them. Doing so helped me understand why mum guilt had such a grip on me.

My values

Honesty
I knew honesty was important to me, but I didn’t realise how much. Throughout my motherhood journey, I’ve learnt to tell the real story because for me, pretending everything is fine creates guilt where it doesn’t belong. I talk about the overwhelm, the chaos, and the hard days because I refuse to compare myself to a version of motherhood that doesn’t exist. If you’re a friend of mine, “I’m fine” doesn’t cut it. I will always ask for the real and the raw, that’s how we survive this crazy rollercoaster ride, so let’s take off the mask and say it as it is.

Trust
Mum guilt grows when we feel we must cope alone. Trusting my village to know I’m not okay before I even say the words, and to offer help when I’m struggling, means I can ask for support without shame. I used to think I had to do everything alone to prove I was a “good mum”. I now know the opposite is true because I can’t pour into my kids from an empty cup.

Loyalty
I have my village, and I couldn’t be more grateful for them. When it’s taken time to build, you value it more than anything. Knowing I look after them, just as they look after me, quietens the guilt that tells me I should navigate this crazy ride alone. Sharing school pickups, checking in when you know something’s going on, it all matters. That loyalty is what every mum needs in her inner circle.

Childhood First
This value reminds me to allow my kids to be kids, not mini adults. One thing that helps is getting down to their level and holding their small hands in mine. It brings me back to the reality that their brains are immature and helps me stop expecting too much from them.

Women Uplifting Women
This value is a daily decision to overcome the comparison that playground chats and Instagram stories create. Mum guilt thrives when we measure ourselves against snapshots of other women’s lives, so I choose to walk alongside women, not compete with them. I truly believe that when women stand together, we can heal together and rise together.

Without understanding your core values, acting outside of them is where guilt creeps in. That’s when you face a choice, you can either fix it or you can continue carrying it.

The real problem comes when you don’t know whose values you’re living by. Are they yours, or are they society’s, your parent’s or your grandparent’s? And is the guilt you feel really about breaking your own values, or theirs?

As a mum, I don’t claim to be perfect. I will lose my shit. I will sometimes shout and discipline in ways I don’t like and know aren’t effective. In those moments, I know I’m struggling to regulate myself so for me, what happens next is what matters most.

When I act in a way that doesn’t align with my values, the guilt helps me ground myself, reflect, and apologise. I know some people might think, “Just don’t lose your shit in the first place”, but sometimes it’s not that simple.

I’m a working mum, trying to build a business on the side to support my family. I enjoy growth and I’m driven. I love being a mum, but it’s not the only thing I want to be. So yes, in the depths of chaos, I sometimes shout and become a little unhinged. I know I’m not alone in that and that’s why I keep coming back to this point - it’s what comes next that matters.

These three things help me reconnect with myself and my kids:

Apologise
This alone teaches children that the way they were spoken to wasn’t okay, and that they should always expect an apology.

Explain
I explain my reasons. I want my children to understand what it means to be human, overwhelmed, stressed, and struggling. I don’t make excuses, but I do explain, so when they experience these feelings themselves, they know how to respond.

Realign with my values
If I’ve acted out of alignment, shouting or trying to discipline a child who clearly isn’t in a place to receive it, I refocus. I reflect on why I couldn’t manage in that moment and adjust my next actions so they work with me, not against me.

When we understand our values, we get to decide which guilt deserves our attention and which we can put down. When we see mum guilt as a signal, not a sign that we’re failing, it can guide us back to what we stand for.

Reflecting on your values can take time. If that feels too big right now, start small. One or two beliefs can be enough to bring you back to yourself when life gets hard.

The beliefs I return to when things feel messy are:

• I am enough

• I am not perfect, but I am present and I will always try my best

And maybe that’s the reframe we all need.
Mum guilt isn’t here to punish us. It’s our guiding compass. Let it guide you back to you.