Growing up in the 70s and 80s, Dolly was everywhere. You’d see Dolly pop up on some TV show to guest star. She’d be in one of her fabulous outfits, whip out her guitar, acrylic nails and all, and play something catchy. I remember being in awe of her as she appeared with Captain Kangaroo on the children’s variety show. Dolly transcended genres, age demographics, regions, religions, and media. She could fit in everywhere, yet was really too fabulous to be anywhere. 

I remember a Barbara Walters interview in the late 70s where the very staid, conservatively dressed Walters was trying to understand all Dolly’s glamour. “But you don’t have to wear all this to be beautiful,” Walters kept insisting. And Dolly, ever gracious, said: “Well, I don’t want to be like everyone else.” Amen, my fellow blonde sister. 

Dolly taught us it is okay to figure out who you are, what you like, what you want to look like, and own it, on purpose. Unapologetically. 

Growing up with a role model such as Dolly taught me it was okay not to want to conform or to be like everybody else. My mother and I fought endlessly because she couldn’t understand that what was good for everyone else just wasn’t good for me. I wanted fabulous, not mediocre. I never even tried to conform to anyone’s certain standard on how I should look, act, or be in this world. Honestly, I couldn’t if I tried. I remember being appalled at the gifts my mother would give me that were clearly meant for her other daughter. The one who only existed in her head. The one who was “normal,” a good girl, was in a long-term relationship with “a good provider.” The one who craved kids and who hung out with future ladies-who-lunched wearing sensible outfits. 

Instead she got a girl who dropped out of high school because it was stupid and enrolled in fashion school at 17. I was the girl in sparkling costumes that I sewed myself and wore with ripped fishnets. Instead of dreaming of getting married and popping out kids, I was dancing til dawn amongst club kids and drag queens. I was doing my own version of Dolly-type of fabulous. I was being who I was and wanted to be completely on purpose and unapologetically. 

I’m much older now, and it’s been 30 years since I lost my mom, and I’m still dancing to my own beat. I may no longer wear the sky-high heels and platforms (they hurt) or ripped fishnets (they also hurt), but I still sew and knit some of my own clothes. I still am drawn to being my own type of fabulous.

And I’m still living life on my own non-conformist terms. I choose to elevate everyday in my own way, and unapologetically. I care for myself, my home, and my family indulgently. I only wear red lipstick because I couldn’t imagine another shade. I’m still blonde despite the wisps of grey frosting through. And I’ve gotten really good at letting go of habits and friendships that were unsupportive and not nourishing my soul, so that I can truly sparkle and be all me. 

Thank you, Dolly, for showing us the way to being ourselves and giving us the acceptance to shine on purpose and not ever apologize for it.

I’ll see you next week.

Much love, Candi

P.S. Happy September! My birthday month and favorite time of the year.

Lately my husband Ben and I find ourselves utterly spent come Friday evenings with no desire to go out. It took me a few instances of needing to cancel evening plans before I finally realized that I’m better off staying in on Fridays and recovering from the week.

Last Friday, I decided to do something different. Instead of just another ordinary weekday evening, I decided to host an old-school slumber party just for Ben and me!

After work, we changed into pajamas and ordered fancy pizza (that came with lemon-infused burrata to top it) instead of cooking. I did make an easy chopped salad as I knew it would pair well with the pizza and feel like a healthy alternative to all the indulgence. I had already purchased ice cream and a variety of toppings so we could create a sundae bar. I queued up the James Bond classic The Spy Who Loved Me, and we settled in to relax and let go of the stress of the week. We had so much fun, we decided going forward to make this a monthly tradition. Next time, I’ll pull out face masks, some nail polish for me, my tarot cards to do readings, or some easy arts and crafts.

What made this night feel so special, instead of just another evening, was being intentional. We rarely watch movies as it’s hard for me to sit still for two hours and not feel the need to be doing something else. But instead of multitasking, I just sat back and enjoyed. I also rarely order pizza or eat dessert. But instead I just gave in to the whim and enjoyed my slice, and my sundae immensely. It was so relaxing to have food delivered and just indulge in one of my favorite films. I woke up feeling more rejuvenated because I gave myself space to relax and have some fun that night.

I hope this sparked some inspiration to elevate an ordinary evening. I’ll see you next week.

Much love, Candi

P.S. If you need some interior design inspiration, check out The Spy Who Loved Me; the sets are absolutely divine!

We’re in Los Angeles for the next few weeks. In honor of finally being in warm weather (San Francisco summers can certainly be cold), I decided to share two of my favorite summer salads. These are so easy, yet elegant enough to serve at a party, bring to a potluck, or enjoy for a warm summer evening meal. I used my favorite vinaigrette (recipe follows) in each of these salads.

Easy Chopped Salad

This salad is so easy and can be made using any vegetables, beans, or cheese. For additional heartiness, add diced ham, turkey, or sliced plant-based cold cuts. Finely chop the pieces so they are all relatively the same size as the garbanzo beans. I like to use baby lettuce and leave the leaves whole. Serves 2.

• 2 cups Organic Girl Butter Baby Lettuce

• 1/2 cup garbanzo beans, rinsed and drained

• 1/4 cup finely chopped red onion

• 3 mini sweet peppers, finely sliced in rounds

• 1 cup grape tomatoes, halved

• 1/4 cup finely sliced peperoncini

• 2 ounces Swiss cheese, sliced in 1/4” cubes

• Salt and pepper to taste

In a large bowl, layer in the ingredients, starting with the lettuce. Top with salt and pepper. Serve with vinaigrette.

Notes: I adore Organic Girl lettuces and feel like they are worth the extra money as the greens stay fresh longer in the clamshell package. But any baby lettuce will do here. I like to leave the leaves whole as I think they look more elegant. But if you have a larger head of lettuce, then chop it into small pieces.

For additional servings, just double or triple these measurements.

(A note on the image: I added the rest of the vegetable salad below that I had made the day before, so that accounts for the pieces of corn in the chopped salad image.)

Summer Corn & Vegetable Salad

This salad is inspired by Gail Simmons’ Vegetable Salad recipe from her Bringing it Home Cookbook. She grills the corn, but I boiled mine (see below) as I didn’t feel like trekking to my building’s grill on the communal patio. But if you have access to a grill, the corn taste even better slightly charred. This salad is very easy to swap out any vegetables you like. I used what I had on hand, but additional ingredients like radishes, red onion, zucchini, or fresh dill will work deliciously. Serves 2.

• 1 ear of fresh corn, grilled or boiled, and cooled, kernels removed

• 1/2 cup cherry tomatoes, halved

• 1 celery stalk, finely sliced

• 2 mini sweet peppers, finely sliced in rounds

• 1 medium-sized yellow squash, diced

• 2 green onions, finely sliced

• 1 Tsp finely diced shallot

• 2 Tbs fresh herbs, finely chopped, such as mint, thyme, and basil

Add the ingredients to a large bowl and gently mix. I add in the vinaigrette a few tablespoons at a time to moisten without overpowering the salad or making it soggy.

Notes: To boil the corn, break the ear in half and place into a saucepan. Cover with two inches of water. Add 1/4 cup of milk or cream. Bring to a boil, then simmer for 5-6 minutes until the kernels turn bright yellow. A note here: do not add salt or salted butter to the water, as that can make the kernels turn rubbery instead of staying crisp.

My Favorite Vinaigrette

• 1/2 cup olive oil

• 1/4 cup white wine vinegar

• 1 Tsp of honey

• 1 teaspoon of Dijon mustard

• Salt and Pepper to taste

Pour the ingredients into a small bowl. Whisk until emulsified. The dressing will keep fresh in a closed container for a few days unrefrigerated.

I hope you enjoy these easy summer salads as much as I do. I’ll see you next week.

Much love, Candi

A few weeks ago I wrote about how I noticed my social circle was dwindling since I moved to San Francisco. What surprised and delighted me was how many friends reached out to me after they read it. One long-time friend, an acclaimed performance artist, Kristina Wong, reached out and invited me to a screening of a documentary. The film was made about the movement she created during the pandemic called The Auntie Sewing Squad. The screening was at the San Francisco Main Public Library last Saturday. As someone who adores libraries, I was excited to see my friend and to head back to the main branch after 20+ years.

I met Kristina eons ago when I was living in Los Angeles. Then a few years ago, we reconnected in NYC, and I got the chance to see her one-woman show, Kristina Wong, Sweatshop Overlord, in the East Village. My husband and I came away from that performance so incredibly moved and inspired.

The documentary, The Auntie Sewing Squad Resistance Playbook, created by filmmaker Valerie Soe, featured the aunties and uncles who were a part of the sewing squad. It also showcased everything that led up to Kristina creating her one-woman show. During the early stages of the pandemic, people reached out to her on Facebook looking for face masks. As an avid sewer and creative force, she organized a whole team of “aunties” to sew face masks for those in need. This nationwide network of people created masks by hand and then shipped them off to communities who desperately needed face protection.

My husband Ben and I cried during the documentary screening as it seriously brought us back to the floodgate of feels about the Pandemic. We spent most of 2020 holed up in Seattle. As the company I worked for shut down, I became an early unemployed casualty. I’ve tried hard not to think about the Pandemic for years, so it was interesting to mentally go back there.

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We left the documentary screening so inspired. It was cool to witness how a friend saw a critical issue and found such a creative solution that ended up helping so many people and saving countless lives. In my continued quest to reinvigorate my social circle and do One New Thing a week, I’m grateful for the chance to reconnect with Kristina, who continues to inspire, uplift me, and bring me joy.

I’ll be back next week.

Much Love, Candi

Last week on August 11th, my husband Ben and I celebrated our anniversary. 2026 marked nine years together and three years married. We tied the knot on August 11, 2023. To mark the occasion and to keep the anniversary celebrations going, I thought it would be fun to delve into the best party I ever hosted: our wedding.

Ben proposed to me on June 11th, 2022. I have a thing about 11s, as my birthday is on September 11, and our first date was on August 11, 2017. Ben and I had been friends for about a year-and-a-half when he decided to take the leap and “ask me out on a proper date,” as he put it. In all honesty, I was shocked at the invite. I had NO idea that he thought of me as anything more than a drinking and smoking buddy. We were the only two who smoked amongst our friends (he cigars, while I was still on my nasty cigarette habit), so we always ended up outside at the party. We were also the only two who drank bourbon neat, so out of our vices, a friendship was born.

I don’t remember the name of the joint we went to on that first date, but I do remember it was a Wednesday, my favorite day of the week. We had an amazing time, and when he walked me home, I remember that I said, if we are going to do this, I needed to know how he kissed. The kiss was magical, and we went out again on Friday. From that date forward, we pretty much became inseparable.

So when he asked me to marry him at a dive bar in the Village (which is actually a great story that I will dive into at some point), and I said yes, we knew we’d set the date for August 11.

Our wedding in NYC was so much fun. And we were able to pull off a whole wedding weekend in the middle of the city, for a grand total of $14,000! For people familiar with the city and the astronomically inflated wedding costs there, that is an amazing feat considering that most wedding venues start at 11K just to rent. And, it was a three-day affair.

There are so many facets to our wedding that I think people could find party inspiration in, so I will do additional posts on different facets of our celebrations, from breaking down the budget to choosing music. I’ll also dive into all the special details of our wedding weekend, from having our friend Sami do Tarot readings, to our outfits, to the venues. Including the rooftop party we had on the deck of a building that overlooks Central Park. We are forever grateful to our friends Jane and Lenora, who live in the same gorgeous building, who helped us host one of our soirees there.

But for today, I’ll just revel in the memories of our fab wedding day.

We had our ceremony flash-mob style at Union Square Park. I was able to secure a permit from the city to be able to have the ceremony there, which is an oasis that we just adore. Because it is a city park, it was open to the public while we said our vows, as our permit only gave us permission to hold the ceremony there, not to actually close the park. So in addition to our friends and family, a bunch of random park visitors got to witness us exchanging vows.

One of my closest friends from Grad School, Ray, from Nothing is Healthy, officiated our wedding. She did such a beautiful job with personalizing the ceremony and making it so special. To be perfectly honest, I was so incredibly nervous that I do not remember the ceremony. Just that both Ben and I cried as we exchanged our very personal, self-written vows.

I was lucky enough to have my brother and my brother-in-law walk me down the park aisle and stand with me as we exchanged our vows, while my husband’s grown son stood by him. Our pup Maceo was also a part of the ceremony and nearly went ballistic when he saw me walking to meet Ben. It was such a cool moment to be in the center of our favorite park, with an intimate gathering of our friends and family (and a few randos) exchanging our vows of commitment to one another and saying our I Do’s. Our ceremony was short but sweet, then we all posed for a group shot. It’s such a lovely image, and when I first looked at it closely, I realized that one of those randos got in the shot with us, putting his arm around my brother. Definitely a very New York City moment.

We all walked parade-style to the Park Bar, our absolute favorite watering hole that’s two blocks away from the park. There we drank copious amounts of bubbles and dined on appetizers from Murray’s Cheese, and the best tacos from the fabulous Kinky Taco Truck that I hired in lieu of the typical wedding catering. Tacos are one of Ben’s and mine’s favorite meals, so it felt fitting to share them with our guests.

I had just graduated from getting my MFA at The New School, and that part of Manhattan was an area we visited so often during the two years I was at school. I would get off at the Union Square subway stop and head the few blocks to my classes. Then I would meet Ben at The Park Bar after class for a drink and for him to accompany me home. The Park Bar became our twice-a-week meeting spot. So when I had mentioned to our favorite bartender, Jaq, that I was looking for a wedding venue, she suggested the bar. We had our wedding on a Friday afternoon, so they opened the place just for our private party. The owners of the taco truck were so worried about disappointing us that they pulled up the night before just to secure the perfect parking spot. Everything worked out magically as our guests day drank and ate fabulous tacos and got to experience our kind of New York.

What made our party the favorite party I ever threw was that it was unabashedly completely us. It wasn’t about the money spent or impressing our guests. It was all about welcoming our friends and family to experience our New York City. That element of making a party uniquely YOU is ultimately what makes a party special. It is what makes a celebration something that people can’t get anywhere else. It’s unique, it’s fabulous, and it’s unforgettable.

It was truly a day to remember and one that was so fun to relive here.

I’ll be back next week.

Much Love, Candi

Saturday, August 8th was a powerful day astrologically known as the Lion’s Gate Portal, where the sun is in Leo and aligns with Earth and the star Sirius. It’s a beautiful day to set intentions under the numerology of 8/8 that represents infinity and abundance. It was also my friend Tammi Salas’s art show.

Tammi (from The Gold Star Diaries) and I met through The Luckiest Club, the sobriety support network that I’ve been a part of since July 2024. She is beautifully creative and, as a woman in long-term sobriety, someone I greatly admire. When I joined TLC and attended my first meeting, I was wildly hungover. It was Monday, July 1st, and the first class of the Sober 90 program. I didn’t know at the time how instrumental the program would become in my life. It showed me another way of life that didn’t include booze, and I fully credit S90 with helping me give up alcohol for good. Tammi was one of the instructors in the course, and from the moment I met her, she has inspired my creativity and my booze-free journey.

Her show was at her art space at Moonflower Studios. It’s a gorgeous brick, light-filled building in a park in Berkeley. Along with another artist named Andrea Scher, who showcased a series of vibrant wall hangings (I need one!), Tammi showed her original collages from her 100-day art project. All of their pieces were stunning.

As I sift through my art collection to hang what I can on my apartment’s limited wall space, I truly need more art like a fish needs a bicycle. But I love Tammi’s work so much, I decided to buy two small pieces for us as an anniversary present. What better way to celebrate Year Three than with something gorgeous to adorn our walls by someone I deeply admire. I have a lot of friends who are creatives and artists, but this was the first time I actually left an art show with one of their pieces. Now, my dilemma, where to hang these beauties?

I’ll see you next week with another One New Thing.

Much love, Candi

Today is our third wedding anniversary. In honor of our celebration and my favorite color pink, here are three more tasty libations sans booze. Cheers to us and number three, and to the rest of a beautiful summer! Happy Anniversary, Babe!

Grapefruit Rosé Spritz

This simple mocktail pairs tangy grapefruit with NA rosé wine for a refreshing summer spritz.

• 3 oz NA rosé wine

• 2 oz grapefruit juice

• 2 oz Fever Tree grapefruit soda

• 3 oz seltzer

• Rosemary sprig for garnish

Fill a glass with ice. Add NA rosé, grapefruit juice, and grapefruit soda. Top with seltzer. Garnish with a rosemary sprig.

Berry Blush

This pretty mocktail pairs tart blackberries, NA rosé, and citrus for an elegant libation to elevate the everyday. I prefer to use a lemon-lime simple syrup that is easy to make and adds a refreshing twist to mocktails.

• 4 oz NA rosé wine

• 2 large fresh blackberries

• ½ oz fresh lime juice

• 1 oz lemon-lime simple syrup

• Club soda

• Mint sprig for garnish

• Lime wedge for garnish

Lemon-Lime Simple Syrup

• ½ cup granulated sugar

• ½ cup water

• Juice of ½ of a lime

• Juice of ½ of a lemon

• ¼ teaspoon each of lime and lemon zest

Combine all of the ingredients in a small saucepan and heat over medium-high heat. Bring the mixture to a simmer and stir to ensure all of the sugar is dissolved. Cook for three minutes, then remove the pan from the heat. Let the mixture cool until slightly thickened. Using a fine mesh sieve, strain the mixture into a clean container. Cover with an air-tight lid and store in the refrigerator. The syrup will keep in the fridge for two weeks.

For the mocktail:

In a mocktail shaker, muddle the berries with lime juice and citrus simple syrup and mix lightly. Strain the liquid into another glass for serving. Add ice, then pour in the rosé. Stir well, then top with club soda. Garnish with lime and fresh mint.

This mocktail was inspired by the Berry Rose Blush mocktail from Missing Thorn.

Strawberry Rosé Mocktail

This pink concoction is gorgeous and pairs fresh strawberries with orange juice for a bright summer drink. Use a dry NA rosé to avoid too much sweetness.

• 2 strawberries

• 4 oz NA rosé wine

• 2 oz orange juice

• Club soda

• Orange slice for garnish

• Mint for garnish

In a mocktail shaker, lightly muddle strawberries. Add NA rosé wine, orange juice, and ice. Shake well and strain into a pretty glass. Top with club soda or seltzer water. Garnish with fresh mint.

*A note on muddling. If you don’t have an actual muddler, the bottom of the handle of a wooden spoon works well to crush the berries and extract their juices.

I’m off to enjoy our anniversary adventure. I’ll see you next week.

Much love, Candi

Lately, I have been feeling really run down and just exhausted. This past weekend, I had an eye doctor appointment where the dilation left me completely wiped out and with sensitive eyes all day. My husband and I had plans to go to the San Francisco Symphony on Saturday night. By late afternoon, when I still had to wear sunglasses indoors, I looked at him and said, “I don’t think I can make it tonight.”

When I was drinking, I cancelled plans a LOT. I joked that because my last name Canncel, is so close to “cancel,” I was entitled to. But I always felt bad. I felt a deep sense of shame anytime I didn’t show because I was often nursing a hangover instead. I was also brought up with a productivity mindset. I grew up having a very tumultuous relationship with my mother. The only way to get her approval was to be good and productive. As a result of trying desperately to gain her favor, I learned early on that there is deep value in productivity. I thought that being productive equated being worthy.

I’m what I often call a “super Virgo” and a type-A personality. I like to get stuff done. I get off on setting goals and achieving them. So much so that I always have a mile-long to-do list and many life goals, both big and small, to hit.

I’ve even brought this productivity/goal mindset into my marriage. I get antsy if we spend a Sunday sitting around watching Formula One instead of doing one of the many tasks our apartment needs to feel more like a home. I’m known for sitting in front of the TV while also knitting a sweater, just to feel like I am doing something. Early on, I’d stare at my husband and ask what’s on tap for the day, hoping he’d produce a mile-long list of stuff he’s going to take care of around the house. Then I came to realize that while he likes to get stuff done, he needs to do it on his own time and in his own way. Forcing the issue wasn’t going to work. I’d have to stand back and not push my productivity onto him.

But this past weekend, I wasn’t productive. I cancelled plans. I cleared the decks and pretty much did nothing. That carried over to Monday when I cancelled the sauna + dinner plans we had. I was too exhausted to even think about leaving the house.

What is different this time is that I’m totally sober. I cancelled plans because I didn’t feel well and decided to give myself the grace of not pushing through. I understand now that rest is just as dreamy as getting crap done. I didn’t even go to the gym on Monday morning like I usually do. And I didn’t feel bad about it. Through sobriety, I’ve come to understand that productivity can be grand, but so can giving yourself grace and the permission to do absolutely nothing, and not feel bad about it. I now know whether or not I’m productive, I’ll always be worthy.

See you next week!

Much love, Candi

Last week, I wrote about how my social circle has seemed to dwindle since I moved to San Francisco. As someone who loves design and has always been fascinated with the art of Feng Shui, I decided to look at my apartment’s floor plan to see what’s going on. Feng Shui uses the Bagua Map, an energy grid that is divided into nine areas. This map is placed over a space’s floor plan to identify and connect the different areas of the space to facets of life such as money, health, love, career, knowledge, family, reputation, creativity, and helpful people & travel.

When I realized that the area of my home that was a cluttered catch-all also coincided with the Friends & Family area of my home, I knew I had to take action to rectify this space and bring in some beauty and joy.

My husband purchased new white wall shelving for the area, and I have slowly started culling my goods and purging what no longer serves me. I have a pile of outdated sewing patterns, books I’ve read but don’t adore, and costume jewelry that I no longer want, ready to donate.

As I started doing this, I realized that right in the adjacent area is my Money & Abundance (also known as Wealth) corner. In feng shui, the money corner is the top right corner of your space when you are looking into your home. This is the area where my desk sits.

A desk in the money corner is a great spot to work for a writer who makes a living sitting at a desk all day long, typing. But the problem over here is that the area is also filled with clutter, and as a result, I’m surrounded by a bunch of stuff that doesn’t inspire me or feed my creative soul. It became abundantly clear that I couldn’t tackle my dresser and shelving area without also tackling my workspace and money corner. All the crap is blocking more money and abundance from flowing into my career and my life.

Feng shui is all about balancing a space to create a place that you love and that nurtures you. But my reality is that while my desk is right up against a large window with a pretty view onto my patio, which could be great energy, I have so much extra stuff that the area is crowded and cluttered. Money energy needs space; it wants room to flow and to circulate. I spend hours a day sitting right next to a whole lotta stuck energy. This is not serving me, and it definitely isn’t serving my money or my bank account.

The Cure

Adding to my long To-Do and apartment revamp list, I now have another area to comb through. I plan to go through the files and notebooks that I no longer need and shred the contents. I have a bunch of clothes sitting here that I planned to list to sell on eBay. I made a pact with myself: if I can get them up onto the site in the next few weeks, awesome; if not, then Goodwill will be gaining a fabulous haul. I picked out a few pieces of artwork to hang next to my desk. And I also bought this fun rug to bring some warmth into our workspace. Lastly, I am going to pull out the shelving sitting next to me, as well as my desk, and vacuum and mop the floor underneath. Then I’ll put everything back together anew.

I know the whole project to revamp my money corner and friends & family area will take a lot of time, but I want to make it fun; not another tedious chore to add to my already packed plate. I’ve given myself until the end of September (my birthday month) to leisurely complete the studio revamp. I am excited to create a workspace and wardrobe area that both support me and are joys to be in, but I’m not going to pressure myself or rush the process.

I’ll keep you posted on the progress!

Much love, Candi

A few good decluttering and Feng Shui resources:

My friend Jean reminded me of this fantastic book by Karen Kingston called Clear Your Clutter with Feng Shui. It was seriously life-changing the first time I read it. I just ordered a new updated copy.

For all things Feng Shui, I adore Lilian Too’s work. She has a series of fabulous books that provide so much inspiration for bringing more balance into your home. This book is her guide to decluttering. It’s priceless.

I’ve always been a very creative person. I started painting and drawing from a really young age. I even won a ribbon at the Dade County Youth Fair for my color drawing of my interpretation of an African veldt when I was seven.

Later, I went to fashion school and studied illustration. I fell in love with the art form. I loved drawing the female form and using gouache to paint the clothing I designed. I found such freedom in drawing and mixing paints.

From there, I started painting murals. I specialized in painting clouds and even painted the interiors of a beloved Miami Beach boutique with my fluffy clouds.

Then I veered and concentrated on designing and sewing. I created my small dress collections, which I sold to local stores, first in Miami Beach, then in boutiques on Haight Street in San Francisco. As I continued to sew and create these mini collections, I drew and painted less and less.

These days, writing is my main art form. Though I have been experimenting with watercolors since the pandemic and draw often in a small notebook I carry, I mostly write. But I am still an artist. I’ll always be an artist. Somehow, I forgot that I get to call myself an Artist.

Over the past few months, I’ve been working hard to turn my apartment into a home. I’ve been hanging artwork, purging things that I no longer love, and I’ve been clearing loads of clutter. I came across two of my favorite illustrations from my Fashion School days. I created these in my senior year, a gazillion years ago, as the basis for my senior collection. When I pulled them out of an old portfolio and dusted them off, I realized how much I adore them. Looking at these pieces reminds me of who I was and how far I’ve come in life. These paintings are reminders that I am an Artist, and whether or not I spend my days painting endlessly, I’ll always be an Artist.

So I am embracing my Artist. I framed these beauties and plan to hang them on the wall next to my desk as soon as I finish my clutter clearing and studio revamp.

I’ll keep you posted on my progress.

Much love, Candi

For as long as I can remember, I’ve been fascinated by feng shui. In the simplest terms, it’s an ancient Chinese practice that can create harmony and balance between people and their surroundings. Have you walked into a place and it just feels good? It’s serene and peaceful with the right amount of energy. It feels light and inspiring. That feel-good is feng shui magic.

The core of this practice is balancing chi, or the energy and vital life force that flows through spaces. It’s a balance of yin and yang, the complementarity of dark and light. It also takes the five elements of earth, metal, water, wood, and fire, and balances their energies in a space.

Feng shui uses the Bagua Map, an energy grid that is divided into nine areas. This map is placed over a space’s floor plan to identify and connect the different areas of the space to facets of life such as wealth, health, love, career, knowledge, family, reputation, creativity, and helpful people & travel.

There is so much to say about feng shui, and how I’ve used it in interior design that I plan to do multiple posts, one for each area of the bagua. But for now, I’d like to use the bagua to focus on identifying problem areas. Mainly, I’m looking at what is going on in my life right now and the corresponding area of my home.

To use the bagua, you place the map over your dwelling’s floor plan. The bottom of the map corresponds to the entrance of your home. The entrance will fall into one of three sections. Going left to right as you are looking into your place, (left) Knowledge / Spirituality, (center) Career, or (right) Travel & helpful People. My apartment is square with my entrance smack in the center, or in the Career sector of the apartment. From the entrance, you can identify the areas in your home that relate to (on the left side) Family and Friends, and Money and Abundance. In the top center is the Fame and Reputation area. In the top right corner is the Love corner, with the Children and Creativity area below, on the middle right side. Lastly, the very center is the Health sector.

I consider myself to be a super social person. One of my favorite things is bringing people together and forming connections. But lately, I’m just not feeling that social. I find myself turning down more invites than I accept. Not that I am getting a whole lot, but I don’t seem all that interested in attending the few things that I am invited to.

In addition to writing my Substack articles and fine-tuning the two books that I am writing (one of which is almost done), I also work full-time. I am also married, have a dog, adore cooking most of my meals from scratch, and I go to F45 gym classes three to five times a week. In addition to all the maintenance and admin I need to tend to in order to run my life, I also volunteer for the expat group Internations, where I host monthly events to bring expats and globally-minded people together. Like most people, I’ve gotta whole lot going on.

But I noticed this year that while my writing practice is going really well, my marriage is thriving, my day job is fun, I’ve started and nurtured a garden, and I just celebrated 100 classes at the San Francisco F45 location, the one area of my life that is pretty stinky is my social life, and my relationships with friends.

I feel like a lot of my friends have stopped calling this year. I barely get any texts. Even when I reach out to friends, it feels like it takes forever for a response. While I still get invited to events, the invites seem to be dwindling. I also don’t have a local friend circle, as I’ve usually had in the cities I’ve lived in. This whole friendless trend is really very unusual for the social butterfly that I usually am.

The other day, I was pulling something out of my crowded dresser. We have two dressers next to each other, one is mine. The other is my husband’s. The dressers sit up against the wall of our work studio. Mine is cramped, and I need to move artwork out of the way to fully open a drawer. Then once I get the drawer open, inside, it’s packed and chaotic.

The contents of each of the three drawers I have are filled with a few things I adore, like my passport and some really fun costume jewelry. I have a collection of colorful socks that I only wear for rollerskating that are nestled neatly in the middle drawer. I love to open that drawer and see the rainbow of fun. But despite these gems, there’s also a bunch of crap that I never use and don’t really need or want. Above the dressers sit a series of cubby shelves, also packed with a bunch of things. Some I love, like my collection of Tarot decks, and some…honestly, I’m not even sure anymore what’s on the shelves.

On the other side of this wall sits my very small closet. While my closet is not as cramped as my dresser, it’s very small and quite tall. It’s also very dark. And, filled with some clothes that I just no longer love, but am still having trouble getting rid of, as I redefine my everyday look.

It’s no surprise that in my home, this area corresponds to Family. Family, as I define it, is my actual birth family, but also my chosen family, including my closest friends and my community. A note here that some schools of feng shui view the Friends area as falling within the Travel & Helpful people area. But to me, close friends, not acquaintances, are family. And this area of my home is a crowded, untended mess. It’s no wonder my social life is suffering. If my dresser, shelving, and closet were a garden, it would be dead and mostly barren from neglect. As I write this, I realize how glaringly sad this is.

Now that I know. I plan to do something about it. I thought about writing this post after the area had been cured, and my social life is booming again. But I prefer to post it now in the messy beginning. The before, before the after. So here is a picture of the mess I’m going to deal with.

The Cure

Clutter in feng shui is static energy. It’s gnarly. Clutter is the blocker that inhibits chi from flowing freely. When I was an interior designer, I could walk into a client’s home and know what may have been going on in the occupant’s life by looking at where their clutter lay, but funny how it often takes us longer to identify our own problem areas.

Now that I know where the problems lie in my own space, my goal, is to take down these cubby shelves that never worked for this area in the first place. My husband found a new shelving option, which he’ll purchase and hopefully install next weekend. I plan to go through the clutter in the cubbies and keep what I need and love, and donate the rest. I also pulled out a beautiful piece of art that features gold angel wings to add above the new shelving.

As not fun as it sounds to go through these cubbies and drawers, I am going to divide the task into a few days. I’ll work through each drawer and cubby over three or four days this week to break the daunting task into small chunks.

Lastly, I cleared a block of time on Saturday and added it to my calendar to go through my closet on the other side of the wall. I am not sure how much I’ll get done that day, but I plan to spend a few hours purging what no longer serves me. I’ve already set up Pinterest boards of decor ideas and outfit inspirations for my New Look Love to motivate my closet clearing. Once the space is cleared and clutter-free, I can move on to decor and activate the area in a way that is beautiful and that supports me.

It will be magical to have these spaces serve me instead of harm me. And how glorious it will be to get my social life back on track. This will be a fun real-time exercise to see the magic of feng shui in action.

I’ll keep you posted on the progress!

Much love, Candi

It dawned on me the other day that the most interesting thing about moving back to San Francisco after living here 25 years ago is that I never spent much time in this city sober. I moved here in my early twenties to live with four of my friends from Miami in a flat in the Mission. We were all either unemployed or chronically underemployed, so we had a lot of free time on our hands. Most of that time was spent sitting around our kitchen table watching old Golden Girls episodes, drinking vodka tonics tinted pink with grenadine, and then going out to nightclubs where we drank and danced til 2 AM.

A year after I moved here, I met my first real boyfriend. We met at a martini bar on Haight Street that I went to after work one day with a few new co-workers. I hadn’t yet ventured into the world of martinis, as I still preferred a splash of grenadine or juice in the V&Ts I consumed. But the new boyfriend introduced me to a world of booze straight up, and pretty soon my drink of choice became vodka martinis with three olives or Makers neat.

When I left the Mission and moved to my own apartment in the Tenderloin, it was an easy jaunt to North Beach. There, the new boyfriend and I would yuck it up at Vesuvius and occasionally Mario’s Bohemian Cigar Store, where we’d drink the night away, then get into some random trouble like scaling a building via their fire escape on our way back to my place. I remember one particular boozy evening where we stumbled into an underground mahjong den in Chinatown, much to the horrified looks from the patrons. Booze made me brave. Straight-up booze made me invincible.

Fast forward to my new life. My husband and I moved to San Francisco from New York City in May of 2025. We moved so he could start his new dream job in Silicon Valley. His commuting so we could live in the city was the trade-off. I wasn’t going for Silicon Suburbia, so we settled in our place here, which is about ten times more expensive than my last San Francisco pad in the Tenderloin.

Last weekend, we went on an adventure to North Beach. It was only the second or third time I’d been in my old stomping ground since I moved back. Though the hot Italian butcher that I always flirted with, who used to man the counter, had probably retired, Molinari’s remains the same. It looks the same, smells the same, and still has a line snaking through the store filled with hungry people eyeing the gorgeous deli counter, chomping at the bit for their sky-high sandwiches. We started to wait, but the new me hates lines, so we decided to go grab coffee somewhere.

We ended up going to Mario’s Bohemian. Another place that is steeped in time. The same old photos adorn the walls, the same crack is still in the tile floor near the table I always grabbed. The bar is slightly more patinated with age.

We ordered lattes and shared a panini. There, it hit me. This was the first time I had ever been to this spot sober. The place looks the same, the coffee was as delicious as always, and North Beach itself looks pretty much as it was, save for some stores gone, and some new joints reopened. It’s me who’s different. It’s not just that I’d aged a lot since my last voyage there. Or that now I was wearing jeans and my new hat, which we had just scored for free at Graffeo Coffee, instead of something short and sparkly. It was that I was clear-headed and fully present. I was sober in North Beach, having a fabulous time in the light of day, completely and authentically. I wasn’t going to stumble home after this round or feel the need to climb a fire escape illegally to feel alive. I already felt alive. And the best part about the day is that the next day I’d wake up sober, and remember everything.

Much love, Candi

When I decided to give up drinking in the summer of 2024, I missed the ritual of having a fancy drink to end the work day and start the evening. For me, it was the habitual ritual of timed drinking that seemed to be my bigger issue, not so much the alcohol that was in it. So I replaced my glass of wine with something alcohol-free that felt celebratory. At first, I relied on 0.0% beer to get me through the temptation of golden hour. Eventually, I found La Croix plain sparkling water, with a splash of cranberry juice, or Italian soda, did the trick of having a special drink that I loved, without feeling the need to consume alcohol. I often put the drink in a cute glass and garnish it with citrus so it resembles a Cosmo. When I go out, I still indulge in an NA beer or a fun mocktail to elevate the occasion. But this Everyday Mocktail is my drink of choice at home that I enjoy year-round.

Everyday Mocktail

• La Croix Plain Sparkling Water

• 2 ounces of Italian Soda, like San Pellegrino Aranciata Rossa

• Lime wedge for garnish

Fill a rocks glass with ice cubes. Pour in the Italian soda. Top with La Croix. Garnish with the citrus wedge.

NA Tinto de Verano

This is a classic Spanish cocktail made with red wine and lemon-lime soda. My version calls for NA red, a citrus-infused simple syrup, topped with seltzer and garnished with a lemon.

Creating a simple syrup is so easy and can be used to liven up plain seltzer for a refreshing twist.

Lemon-Lime Simple Syrup

• 1/2 cup granulated sugar

• 1/2 cup water

• Juice of 1/2 of a lime

• Juice of 1/2 of a lemon

• 1/4 teaspoon each of lime and lemon zest

Combine all of the ingredients in a small saucepan and heat over medium-high heat. Bring the mixture to a simmer and stir to ensure all of the sugar is dissolved. Continue to cook for three minutes, then remove the pan from the heat. Let the mixture cool until slightly thickened. Using a fine mesh sieve, strain the mixture into a clean container. Cover with an air-tight lid and store in the refrigerator. The syrup will keep in the fridge for two weeks.

Tinto de Verano Mocktail

• 2 ounces NA red wine such as Fré Red Blend

• 3 tablespoons citrus simple syrup

• Seltzer water or La Croix Plain Sparkling Water

• Lemon wheel for garnish

Pour the wine and simple syrup into a glass. Stir well. Fill the glass with ice. Then top it with seltzer or sparkling water. Garnish the drink with a lemon wheel.

Unlushed Rosé

Wine was my go-to during my Lush career. It took about six months of sobriety for me to even try an NA wine, as I was worried that it would be a trigger for me. In all transparency, this is a drink I prefer to save for a party or special occasion rather than everyday, as it does taste a lot like wine, and I wouldn’t want to get back in the habit of downing a bottle of this nightly!

But this is a gorgeous libation that looks beautiful served in a fancy glass and garnished with a strawberry. I have found some NA wines to be wildly sweet, but this non-alcoholic rosé from Giesen is milder and pairs really well with club soda and cranberry juice. To cut any sweetness, you can also add a splash of grapefruit juice instead of the cranberry for a slightly tarter flavor profile.

Add three parts of chilled rosé wine to a pretty glass. Top with one part of chilled club soda. Add a tablespoon of cranberry juice. Gently stir. Take a fresh strawberry and make a small cut in the center of the bottom. Garnish the glass by adhering the berry to the edge.

I hope that these easy breezy summer mocktails inspire you to create a drink where alcohol isn’t the star.

Much Love, Candi

A few weeks ago, I was shopping for fancy cheese for a picnic and came across a package of pre-made cheese flowers. These delicate blooms were made of a Swiss cheese called Tête du Moine and sold at Whole Foods for 11$ for a few flowers. As the internet seems to know our every thought and whim, later that day, an article from The New York Times’ Wirecutter popped up on one of my social feeds about a “medieval-looking cheese cutter.” Sure enough, the article was how to recreate these cheese blooms at home.

The “medieval-looking” cheese cutter the author was referring to is called a Girolle. It was invented in the early 1980s by a Swiss engineer, designed to shave semi-hard cheese like Tête du Moine into lacy rose-like flowers. The cheese was first created over 800 years ago by monks at an abbey in the Jura Mountains of Switzerland, who would scrape the surface of the wheel with a knife to shave off slices. With the creation of the girolle (which derives from the French word for chanterelle mushrooms, which the flowers resemble), portioning the large wheels of cheese became not only more elegant but also more efficient. This curling process also enhances the cheese’s flavor by incorporating air into every bite. This airy infusion brings out the heady notes of grass, wheat, and nuttiness that the cheese is known for.

This contraption also works well on other semi-hard cheeses, and even chocolate, as Tête du Moine tends to be a seasonal cheese that is more available around the December holidays. It’s harder to find the rest of the year. After a bit of research and talking to a cheese monger at a local San Francisco shop, I discovered that using P’Tit Basque, a French Sheep’s Milk cheese, works just as well and is easier to find. So I bought a wheel from the cheese department of a local specialty shop, and a girolle from Amazon (there are many to choose from and will cost an average of 40$), and my husband and I got to work.

One thing that the NYT article sort of missed was how to get the wheel started, as the whole thing is encased in rind. These are the steps we took to make these delicious little cheese blossoms:

• We sliced a tiny portion, about a 1/8 of an inch off the entire top of the wheel to take off the rind and expose the cheese. We did this as the cheese was still cold.

• We washed a drill bit thoroughly and drilled a small starter hole in the bottom of the wheel; the side of that still contains the rind. We then pushed the center metal post through the hole to pierce the entire wheel.

• Flip the wheel over and place it cheese-exposed side up, and screw in the center post into the bottom of the wooden base. Tighten it so that the wheel is secure and will not shift as you shave.

• Stick the razor with the handle onto the post and slowly start to shave the cheese. At first, everything feels tight, and it does take a few rounds and a few flowers worth for the cheese to soften and full blooms to form. As the cheese softens, the blade skims more smoothly to create fuller blooms.

• Once there is a full blossom after a few rounds, gently gather the cheese. I pinched it slightly at the base to get the flower to stay together better.

• Place blossoms into the refrigerator to harden before using on a charcuterie board or in a dish.

I hope this how-to has inspired you to elevate your entertaining with fresh, fun cheese flowers. I’ll see you next week.

Much love, Candi

One of my favorite ways to gather in the summer is to host a picnic. Whether an intimate occasion with another person, as I had on Sunday with my husband, or a gathering of a large group, taking the party outside can make for casual entertaining and hopefully keep the party a lot more stress-free.

Picnics come from the 17th-century French practice of pique-nique. This type of gathering was originally a potluck sort of affair held indoors, where each guest would bring something to contribute to the meal. It wasn’t until the French aristocracy immigrated to Britain during the revolution that the party was eventually taken outdoors. In 1801, a group of 200 wealthy British Francophiles and French émigrés in London created The Picnic Society. By the accounts that I’ve researched, these were historically wild soirées where guests would bring a dish and tons of wine. These extravagant fetes started with dinner, which would lead to singing and dancing. The grand finale was usually a play. These plays took place on crude stages with actors who weren’t professionals. And the material tended to be racy in nature. These events became wildly popular amongst the London society set.

It was a few years later that the parties were moved outdoors and became more akin to what picnics are now. I’m not entirely sure what prompted this change. But gone were the raucous affairs, and the gatherings became more docile and genteel. The earliest mention of the outdoor picnic could be found in the children’s book The Courtship, Merry Marriage, and Pic-Nic Dinner of Cock Robin and Jenny Wren by John Harris, 1806. This charming tale is about two sweet birds getting married and having their celebration dinner. Since the characters are birds that live outdoors, it made sense for them to be enjoying an outdoor meal to celebrate their union. Hence, the picnic.

Picnics became popular in America in the 1830s, inspired by these European traditions. Picnics (still referred to as Pic-Nic) were also inspired by the American Romantic movement that took place around 1820-1860. This was the nation’s first major artistic and literary movement. It was an era of romanticizing the countryside. Picnics and dining al fresco became a chic way to counter life in the fast-paced industrial era and take the party outside into nature.

I still see picnics in this light, as a way to take the party into nature and decompress from all the noise that modern life encompasses us in.

My husband was invited to enjoy the grounds of the campus of the company he works for. So, we rented a car, packed up our lunch, and headed south. For this picnic, I decided to continue in the vein of keeping things simple. I created a charcuterie board and packed some sparkling non-alcoholic beverages. Our dessert was gelato that we scored on campus.

What makes a picnic so ideal for entertaining is that it can be elaborate, consisting of multiple courses or a barbecue. Or it can be quaint, as ours was with a good amount of tasty snacks and drinks. Though I did overdo it on the food, and we ended up only polishing off one charcuterie box.

To make throwing your next picnic even easier, here is a handy guide to how much food and drinks to plan for each person when making a charcuterie board as the main course, as well as our picnic menu.

Our Charcuterie Board:

• Flower Rosettes P’Tit Basque (Stay tuned for a post on Thursday on how to create these)

• Wensleydale with Cranberries (my new favorite cheese)

• Ashley Chase Estate Caramelized Onion Cheddar

• Cypress Grove Herbs de Humboldt Fresh Goat Cheese

• Marin French Petit Creme Brie

• Cracker Barrel Cubes, Extra Sharp Yellow Cheddar Cheese (I bought these pre-cut as the little package was cute. Cheese cubes are easy to cut and make for fuss-free additions to a cheese board)

• Belgioioso Fresh Mozzarella Balls

• Meat: Creminelli Italian Artisan Handcrafted Fine Meats, Sliced Prosciutto Salami

• Plant-Based “Meat”: Tofurky, Plant-Based Deli Slices Smoked Ham Style

Additional items to pair with the cheese and meat:

• La Panzanella Olive Oil and Sea Salt Bruschetta

• La Panzanella Multigrain Croccantini Crackers

• Mixed Olives with Herbs

• Sliced strawberries

• Lightly salted almonds

• Dalmatia Mini Fig Spread and Dalmatia Sour Cherry Spread (both are great for picnics as they come in tiny pots)

When creating a charcuterie board, plan portions based on how many people it will be serving. If serving this as the main food as ours was, this is what I would plan per person:

• Cheese: four ounces per person

• Meat or other protein: three to four ounces per person

• Nuts: three tablespoons per person

• Crackers, chips, and bread: four to six ounces per person

• Fruit, vegetables, and crudité: four to eight ounces per person

• Dips: half cup per person

For drinks, I plan one to one-and-a-half drinks per person per hour. A good rule of thumb is to plan one drink per hour, plus one bonus drink per guest. If there are four people for a four-hour party, you’d have 20 drinks on hand. (How’s that for making elementary math come in handy after all these years.)

For our two-hour picnic, I planned for three drinks per person. I served non-alcoholic drinks because we don’t drink. But these are fairly standard portions to consider if serving alcohol. Also, make sure to have plenty of additional bottled water on hand, especially if picnicking in the hot summer months.

For our picnic, we used our Yeti Hopper soft cooler to transport the food. I created a charcuterie board, then divided it into portable to-go containers. I packed one for each of us, as my husband likes meat while I only eat the plant-based variety. But again, I packed WAY too much food as we had a plethora of cheeses to try. I packed our drinks, two knives to cut cheese, two cheese knives for the spreadable cheese, and small forks to use for the meats, berries, and olives. I also packed cloth napkins, and a picnic blanket that is plastic-backed to prevent any moisture from the grass from leaking through.

When building a board, I find it helpful to think in terms of a variety of textures and flavor elements. Have creamy components as well as crumbly or hard. I like tart jams mixed with something salty + crunchy, whether nuts or crackers. I also like tangy fruits paired with spicy meats or plant-based “meat.” I include something sharp, such as a rich cheddar and mixed olives, and something creamy, like brie or a soft spreadable cheese. Lastly, I like to have a mild cheese like mozzarella to give taste buds a chance to rest. Pairing a bunch of different textures and flavor profiles creates a board that is not only interesting to look at but is deliciously satisfying to eat.

I hope these ideas will inspire you to take the party outdoors this summer and host your own dreamy picnic.

Please check out my upcoming One New Thing post on Thursday for a Cheese Rosette How-to.

Much Love, Candi

One of my latest passions has been finishing my many unfinished works-in-progress and elevating my apartment into a space that feels good + supports us. As I mentioned in my Fab Living & Design post All About the Home, the apartment my husband and I live in was ripe with issues when we moved in. We spent most of the time that we’ve lived here planning to move. After facing the reality of a wildly insane San Francisco rental housing market, we decided to stay put for another year and really create a space we love. Since that decision, we’ve been working hard to curate this glass and concrete box we live in into a home.

When I lived in San Francisco years ago, I used to run the office of an art gallery. That started my path to collecting art. In those 20+ years, I’ve amassed quite a collection. Most of my collection isn’t even worth much monetarily speaking, but it’s comprised of pieces collected that I just adore. Hanging art on your walls surrounds you with items that you love and that hopefully inspire you. It’s another way to have your home support you. Because we thought we were moving, the last year, my collection has either remained in boxes, or was just sitting on the floor, stacked against the walls. Until this past weekend.

While most people were at barbecues or watching fireworks while celebrating the country’s birthday, my husband and I were creating a gallery wall in our living room. One of the challenges of our place is that most of the walls here are either concrete or glass, so there are only a few walls that we could actually use to hang art. It’s still a work in progress, but already, our apartment is starting to feel more like a home.

I’ll see you next week.

Much love, Candi

I love the casual ease of hosting a party in the summer. It just feels less fussy and more carefree than hosting any other time of the year. I thought this week that I’d keep it simple (KISS) and gift you with a free downloadable Summer Party Planning checklist that I created. Of course, not all fêtes require this much planning. But for those get-togethers that do, this is an easy way to keep track of all the little details that go into hosting a party and hopefully help keep any entertaining stress at bay.

Fab Design & Living Summer Party Checklist

776KB ∙ PDF file

Download

Easy Entertaining Checklist for Summer Soirées

Download

Thank you so much for reading my posts and supporting my work. I truly appreciate it and love all the fun feedback that I’ve received from you! If you know someone who could benefit from this handy checklist, please feel free to pass it on.

I’ll see you next week!

Much love, Candi

I love to knit. And like most knitters, I love to buy yarn, find patterns, buy new needles, and start new projects. But, where I sometimes trip up is in actually finishing these projects. So this year, one of my big juicy goals was to finish the works-in-progress projects that have been lying around unfinished. I’ve spent the last few weeks framing unframed art that I have created or bought. I’ve started planting a garden in pots that have sat empty for a year. And over the last few weeks, I finished my first unfinished sweater of the year. At first blush, it looks like an ordinary black sweater with three-quarter-length sleeves. (The black yarn has flecks of black glitter in it.)

But to me, it’s so much more. I’ve spent countless hours knitting this sweater, which is one of my favorite knitting patterns. So much so that this is the fourth sweater of its kind that I’ve knitted. I even have another one sitting around, started in various shades of grey and silver, that needs me to finish its sleeves. I plan on finishing that one soon.

It felt amazing to finally wear this sweater. I can’t wait to start knitting the next one!

Much love, Candi

Tomorrow, July 1st, is my two-year Soberversary. On that day in 2024, I sat hungover as hell attending a Zoom call for a sobriety support class. This class, by The Luckiest Club, called Sober 90, is a life-changing course that teaches how to navigate early sobriety. I come from a long line of party girls and drinking guys; my family has always loved their booze. For me to have embarked on this brave journey two years ago is quite astonishing.

I didn’t have a rock bottom. I’m grateful I never got a DUI or lost a job to my love of drinking. Though I’m pretty sure I’ve messed up a few friendships due to my drinking. I just woke up one day and wondered what life could be like if booze wasn’t the star of my show.

I have found articles I’ve cut out ages ago about quitting drinking. I guess I had actually been thinking about the possibility of going Dry for years. But it wasn’t til the spring of 2024 that I really gave it some thought. I had signed up for the S90 course to start that March. But when push came to shove, I wasn’t ready to say goodbye to my pretty constant companion. I couldn’t possibly imagine a party without bubbles. What would I do each day come five o’clock if I couldn’t pull the rosé from the fridge and pour a tall glass? How in the world would I spend my Sundays sober if there was no bottomless brunch to go to or cocktail hour on my friend’s NYC rooftop overlooking Central Park, to look forward to?

I couldn’t conceive of hosting an event or throwing a party where booze wasn’t the main ingredient. Hell, I couldn’t even begin to imagine how I’d cook dinner each night without a glass of Sav Blanc in my left hand as I stirred with my right.

Then something clicked. That Monday, July 1st, when I was listening to the class moderators talk about a life sans the juice, I knew this was for real. I was embarking on something big, and I was actually excited about it. I got off the call, and the floodgates opened, and I ugly-cried to my husband telling him that I was fully committed to give up drinking. Then, he gave me the most wonderful gift. He told me he’d do it with me. I wouldn’t have to go at sobriety alone.

And I here I sit, two years later, and I can’t even imagine ever drinking again. I’m not gonna be that brash and say never. I only know that today, I plan to be sober. I can’t speak for my future self. Or, for my husband. But I’m fairly certain he feels the same way.

Now, for the whole point of my post:

How to host a party sober. And what to do if your friends or family are still drinking.

In the two years that I’ve been sober, I’ve only hosted seven small gatherings or dinner parties, a lot less than what I used to host before. It’s more due to the logistics of moving cross-country, and not having a big community in San Francisco, than to not drinking.

What I’ve done when it comes to booze and hosting is to tell my guests that they are welcome to bring their own. This is what works for me.

I love non-alcoholic beer, I adore sparkling water, and Italian soda. I’m a big fan of Phony Negronis. But I’m definitely not a fan of the alcohol aisle at the grocery store or venturing into a liquor store to appease people. I love my friends and family, and I truly love to welcome them into my home and make amazing food for them. I’m just not willing to sacrifice my sobriety for anyone.

Being around booze honestly doesn’t faze me at this point. I don’t like the smell and am often surprised at how a glass of wine that used to be like heaven to me smells so horrid to me now. I find it gross. But I am okay with being around it.

When we go to Los Angeles to dog/house sit for my brother and his husband, we host a dinner for our friends and family who live there. Usually, we have a casual barbecue because my husband’s happy place is standing over a grill or a smoker, and we don’t get to do that at home in San Francisco. I tell my guests to bring what they want to drink. And, if it’s alcoholic, please take it home with them. It’s really as simple as that.

I’ve also hosted dinners where no one has drunk booze. Instead, they’ve enjoyed my NA beer, like Stella Artois NA, or Peroni 0.0, or this fabulous Mexican-Style Copper, an alcohol-free wine, sparkling water, or a delicious St. Agrestis Phony Negroni that I swear tastes so similar to the real thing.

I used to bartend and spent a lot of my childhood watching my parents make drinks, so I do experiment with mocktails. In fact, I still grab a drink around five o’clock, it’s just booze-free. My favorite nightly concoction is to take a rocks glass filled with ice, pour an ounce or two worth of San Pellegrino Aranciata Rossa soda, or any Italian orange-flavored soda, top with La Croix plain sparkling water, and garnish with a lemon wedge. It feels fancy, looks gorgeous, satisfies my desire to “drink” at five, and I get to wake up clear-headed and fresh.

Whether or not to have booze at your party when you aren’t drinking is such a personal choice that only you can decide on. In my early days of sobriety, I chose not to host so I wouldn’t have to make this decision. I was able to attend parties, but having them, I just wasn’t ready to do sober until about nine months into this adventure. And I will say that once I started hosting again, no one has ever turned down one of my invites because I’m not offering booze. The people I have in my life now respect that I don’t drink, nor do I plan to. They still know that coming to my place will be a good time, whether or not there’s alcohol.

So, I’m raising my mocktail to two years of sobriety! And to being completely okay with having guests bring their own libations.

Much love, Candi

Fourth of July and America’s 250-year birthday are just around the corner and offer the perfect excuse to host a party. If you don’t celebrate this holiday or aren’t American, this time of year marks the beginning of the summer season and is a bountiful time to host a gathering.

When I was teaching classes on hosting and entertaining onboard cruise ships, the number one thing I heard from guests was how they didn’t like hosting parties because they were so much work. And I get that. Hosting parties can be exhausting. But with a little planning and some tried and true tips and tricks, hosting, whether during summer or any time of year, can be so much more enjoyable.

Here are 10 party planning tips that can make hosting infinitely easier:

1. Do as much as you can in advance. When I decide I want to host a party, I start five weeks to a month out to tackle the planning.

I figure out who I’m going to invite, how I’m going to invite them, and what sort of party I’ll host. I pick any theme, start planning a menu, figure out what I need to do or buy to make my home party-ready, and I’ll come up with a checklist. Coming up with a plan, well in advance, gives you time to sort out everything you need to do to host a party with ease.

(I’ll be sending out a free downloadable checklist in an upcoming bonus post!)

2. Curate the guest list to create an eclectic mix. Some of my most successful parties have been when I mixed in a few different friend groups. Having a neighbor, mingling with a best co-worker friend, and a new acquaintance from a volunteer group makes for an interesting friend mash-up, which in turn can lead to some intriguing conversations and magical energy. I love to bring different groups together to see what happens. This type of fun experimentation is best for a casual party or BBQ, not for an intimate holiday dinner or family-oriented birthday celebration. But bringing a variety of people together can create some fun possibilities and yield some interesting new connections for your guests.

3. KISS: Keep it Simple, Sweetheart. People remember what a great time they had at a party, not all the tiny details that went into it. Simplify Your Party. You don’t need to make five salads when one or two in larger quantities would be just as effective. An easy buffet can be just as enjoyable as a multi-course sit-down dinner, and way less work. Plan what type of soiree you’d like to have and simplify it. You will thank yourself later for saving yourself unneeded stress.

4. Enlist Your Friends. When people ask if they can bring something, say yes! People love to be included and to feel like they are contributing in some way. I learned ages ago, after trying to do everything myself, that having your friends pitch in saves a lot of time, work, energy, and stress. If one of your friends cooks a fabulous dish they are known for, ask them to bring it. If a friend asks what they can bring, tell them. Something as simple as saying, ‘We could use a few bags of ice,’ or ‘Could you bring some extra sparkling water, or that fabulous salsa you make?’ takes a little pressure off you.

Another trick is to ask a trusted friend or two to arrive early to help with last-minute details. When I lived in Los Angeles, my friend Lori was my early-to-the-party savior. She’d show up ahead of time and help me with last-minute details. Whether it was helping to set up the buffet table or just being available to do anything, so I could finish getting ready, I could relax a bit, knowing I had someone there that I could count on to help.

5. The Magic is in the Music. Create a fabulous playlist to set the mood. I have terrible taste in television due to my pretty horrid true-crime obsession. But I pride myself on having fabulous taste in music. My father was much older when I was born, so I grew up ensconced in vintage jazz. Later, he bartended in a resort, then a nightclub, so he was hip to all the latest music, which he in turn taught me about. He also had a friend who was a DJ for a big radio station in Miami, so our home was overflowing with the latest music promo records. So, I know music.

A great party playlist is like setting the stage and creating the ambiance. Having a chic cocktail party while some vintage R&B or French cafe pop plays in the background sets a dreamy mood. For a summer bash, a whole playlist of yacht rock can transport guests to an island getaway. A friend and I once had a joint birthday we called “Town & Country.” Town for the first letter “T” of her name, and Country for the “C” in Candi. We created a playlist with an extensive mix of vintage country and western, paired with stylish jazz you may find at a cool bar in town. The music set the atmosphere for an awesome celebration.

6. Stagger the Food. When my husband and I first moved in together and threw our first bash, he wanted to bring all the food out at once. I freaked. Then I gently explained the art of staggering the food.

People come to a party to eat. If you serve the food all at once, there’s no anticipation, nothing to look forward to. It’s a better practice to tease out the food. So by the time the main course comes out, people have been there a while, they’ve gotten to know one another, they’ve had some interesting conversations, and they’ve sampled some apps. Now they are ready for the main event.

Staggering the food lets people have a shot at trying a little of everything.

Set out a few snacks for arrivals. I usually put out a plate of cheeses, maybe some meats, a great salsa paired with chips, or dips paired with warm pita bread. Little nibbles are perfect to start, so guests aren’t starving. I heard that Julia Child always served Goldfish crackers before dinner parties so that guests could have a little something without getting too full for dinner. So I started always having Goldfish on hand for parties. These can be placed in small bowls and placed around the room for easy access.

Then, forty-five minutes or so into the party, I’ll bring out some light appetizers like stuffed tomatoes with cream cheese, my very easy cheese puffs, and maybe some stuffed peppers or bruschetta.

Then, half an hour to forty minutes later, we’ll have the barbecue finished, or the pizzas done, or whatever we are serving, as the main event. Staggering the food gives your party a flow and a lot for your guests to look forward to.

(I will have upcoming posts for easy appetizers that can work for an array of dietary needs and budgets. And that keeps it simple!)

7. Have dessert. This may seem elementary to most people, but honestly, for years, I totally forgot about dessert. I don’t usually eat dessert, so it was never a big deal for me. And if we’re really being honest, when I was drinking, booze was my dessert (well, my first course, part of my main course…)

But as Julia Child famously said: A party without cake is just a meeting. And I have come to see how true this is.

Dessert=Celebration!

Whether celebrating a birthday or just reveling in how fabulous it is to be alive, dessert is quite literally the cherry on the top of an event. Now, I always have dessert. Sometimes, I’ll ask someone who has offered to bring something to take care of dessert, if they are willing. Or, I’ll keep it simple and purchase something sweet. I’ll usually have fruit to pair with it, to also have something on the lighter side. Think of dessert as the finale. Dessert signals that the party is starting to wrap up. And you’ll be sending guests off on a sweet note.

8. Keep decor fuss-free. Years ago, I was recruited to be a judge on a do-it-yourself competition television show called “Faking It.” I, along with two other judges who were well-known at the time in the DIY TV sphere, were to pick the contestant that we felt created the most impressive table scape. A “table scape” is a retro term to describe an elaborately decorated table for a dinner party or a buffet. The ones we were judging were ultra elaborate arrays of flowers, candles, and multi-level food displays. Just thinking about all the work that went into them is exhausting now. My point here is that you should ditch the elaborate table get-up. And keep it simple with a focus on the food. An elegant bouquet centerpiece is always a chic idea. Cool napkins, gorgeous plates, and fun serving platters are always a great touch. But don’t exhaust yourself creating such an elaborate scheme that the food gets lost in all the decor.

9. Subtly clear as you go. I cook the majority of meals at home because a) I love cooking and b) I have clearing down to such a science that the clean-up after a meal is almost effortless. So when hosting a party, the key to easier clean-up is to clear as you go. Every time you head to the kitchen, make a trip to the bathroom, or go to hang a coat up, clear something too. A small stack of plates here, a couple of cups thrown away or washed there, a replenishment of napkins while tossing a dirty platter into the dishwasher, all help to save on work later. I’m definitely not saying to spend the whole time in the kitchen cleaning, but clearing things as the party goes on will save a ton of effort and time later on.

10. Relax and have a good time. In 2007, I hosted a bash for my then partner and my 10th anniversary. I went all out. I spent a month redecorating the house, I replanted our garden, I designed and sewed myself a dress, and I made so much food. We’re talking fresh bread and homemade cheese, amongst like twenty other dishes.

Day of, I was absolutely friggin’ spent. I was utterly exhausted. And I experienced the party from the comfort of an easy chair smack by the fireplace. It took all the energy I had just to stay awake. Needless to say, I didn’t enjoy myself. I went all-out to make everything so special for my guests that I forgot all about myself. It was the last time I ever threw a bash at my own expense. Now my party mantra is: If the host is having fun, the guests will have fun. It’s really that simple.

To illustrate this point, I went to a Latke/Chanukah party last winter that I was so jazzed to be included in, as it was hosted by a new friend. The party was in a town about forty minutes away from us, so we had to rent a car to go. But my husband and I were excited to attend. We were also a little apprehensive as we didn’t know anyone there, aside from the host, and we had no idea what to expect. But when we got there, our new friend and her husband were such fantastic hosts, and they seemed to be enjoying themselves so much, we immediately relaxed. We talked to so many people, ate so many potato pancakes, and ended up having a blast.

A guest can’t help but have fun if the host is having fun. Don’t make the mistake I did all those years ago and take a party too seriously that you forget to enjoy yourself. So relax, it’s summer, and it’s a Party after all!

Much love, Candi

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One New Thing: I experienced my party playlist staple song performed live!

This week, my shining elevate moment and One New Thing was seeing Herb Alpert and the TJB perform the song “Rise” live.

My father introduced me to their music when I was a little kid. The song “Rise” had come out, and I immediately fell in love with it. So much so that all these years later, I still include this song on most of my party playlists. I was even planning to choose it as our wedding song if it wasn’t almost eight minutes long. I love it that much. To me, this song signifies elegance. It’s sexy, it’s smooth, it’s danceable. It is also one of the most sampled songs in history. Rise has all the elements to mentally transport us to a chic, relaxed, and gorgeous vibe. It is my most inspirational song.