Despite the best efforts of my chemically-imbalanced, trauma-ridden brain, I am okay. Good, even.

I haven’t always been okay. I spent my tweenage years confused, my teenage years in tears, and the front-half of my twenties in a Partial Hospitalization Program (PHP). Between familial trauma, undiagnosed ADHD (I was officially diagnosed last year), and the typical struggles of a young woman growing up in the age of social media, young Caroline never truly knew peace.

During my senior year at The University of Illinois, life took a sharp left turn and every wound that I had ever put a bandaid on opened back up. Well, it turns out that bandaids don’t stick forever. I needed a deeper, truer fix. So, I left college early to stitch up years worth of old, nasty, neglected wounds.

To put a decades long story short; I was miserable. I got tired of being miserable. I fixed it.

Now, I am here to help you stitch up your wounds.

Each article in this series is a deep dive into one unique skill that I learned in my PHP program. Each skill is a real therapeutic skill. I’m merely here to help you sift through the noise of Therapy-Tok and provide a one-stop-shop for you to return to when your brain is screaming for help.

Think of this series as a first-aid kit for your overactive mind.

A quick note before we begin

I am not a licensed mental health professional, therapist, or medical provider. The skills and concepts I share in this series are things I learned through my own participation in a trauma-focused therapy program and are being shared as educational tools and personal reflections. Not as a replacement for professional mental health care.

Everyone’s experiences, needs, and healing journeys are different. Some of these practices may be helpful for you, while others may not resonate, and that’s completely okay. If you are struggling with your mental health or experiencing distress, please consider reaching out to a qualified mental health professional who can provide personalized support.

My hope with this series is simply to make therapy skills feel less intimidating, more accessible, and easier to understand, because everyone deserves to have tools that help them better understand themselves.

So, without further ado, let’s get healing.

Thought Defusion

Thought Defusion is the practice of separating yourself from your thoughts. It is understanding that you are not your thoughts; You are simply having your thoughts. You can experience and observe your thoughts without identifying with them. For example, you may have the thought that you are unlovable. This does not mean you are unlovable.

There are many ways to practice thought diffusion. The examples listed below are my personal favorites, but there are countless ways to practice this skill. You can even get creative and make up your own practices, visualizations, etc.

Label Your Thoughts

Label your thoughts as exactly what they are: thoughts! Say “I am having the thought that…” This creates a shockingly helpful distance between you and your thoughts.

Watch Your Thoughts Come and Go

Visualize your thoughts as clouds floating by, leaves on a stream, whatever! Watch them float into your mind and then watch them float away.

Thank Your Thoughts

Your brain, while misguided, is actually trying to help you the best it knows how. It thinks it is protecting you by serving up negative and ultimately unhelpful thoughts. Show your brain some love and appreciation by saying “Thank you brain but I can take it from here.”

A Separate Entity

Treat your mind as a separate entity. This can look like saying “Well, there goes my mind worrying again.” I, personally, have given the negative voice in my head a name - Mabel. When my negative thoughts appear loudly, I say “That’s just Mabel being Mabel!”

Just Noticing

Simply notice your thoughts. This can look like saying something along the lines of “I’m noticing that I am being really mean to myself right now…”

“Buying” Your Thoughts

We are so conditioned to believe every thought that crosses our mind, despite many of our thoughts being untrue. Say to yourself “I am buying the thought that…”

Internet Pop-Up

Visualize your thoughts as if they are an internet pop-up ad. You can choose to click on the green ACCEPT button or the red DECLINE button. Envision yourself clicking DECLINE on unhelpful thoughts.

How Old Is This Thought?

Oftentimes, our thoughts are merely old habits. Breaking a habit requires intention, so ask yourself “How old is this thought? Do I even still believe this anymore?” You’ll be shocked to realize how many thoughts are habitual.

How Has This Worked Before?

Ask yourself how certain thoughts have worked out in the past. I’m willing to bet that many recurring thoughts have not brought about the positive change you were hoping for. Reflect on that and tell yourself you’re going to “try something new” this time.

What Now?

I absolutely love this skill. As a busy-minded baddie, my thoughts run at the speed of light. I reach for thought defusion whenever I need some relief from my busting-at-the-seams brain. While every skill has its place, thought defusion is a crucial piece of the puzzle that is “being okay.” Reflect on which of the above tactics resonates with you. Research more tactics or brainstorm your own! You deserve to live in a peaceful mind, and you are well on your way there.

If you haven’t read other articles in this series, I recommend checking them out.

Print or save this article and create your own compilation of self-help resources to return to whenever you need.

Mark things up. Annotate these articles. Scribble your thoughts on some scrap paper.

Until next time, bestie!

It started on my birthday. I consistently cry on my birthday each year. I sit all day, watching the phone and counting the birthday wishes that come through, dissecting each message obsessively. Despite being packaged as a day of celebration, I view my birthday as honesty-hour for the people in my life. Will they text me? What will they say? How late in the day did they send the text? On my birthday, everyone in my life reveals how they truly feel about me.

#OnFridaysWeTwin took off on May 15th, 2026 when I asked if anybody wanted to wear a skirt with me to celebrate my birthday. I wanted a distraction and a reason to look forward to my birthday. And, man oh man, did I get my birthday wish. The night of May 14th, direct messages, tags, and comments started flooding in from around the world.

“It’s May 15th in Australia! I’m wearing my skirt!”

By the end of my birthday, I was twinning with thousands of people worldwide and had received countless beautiful birthday wishes via Instagram direct message. Never before had I felt more loved on my birthday.

I still cried that day.

My heart felt like a tug of war rope. One team tugged it towards the warm, inviting reminder that I am worthy of love and thousands of people are giving it to me. The other team tugged it towards the cold, sobering idea that the friends I have had for years have let me down, once again. To receive more love from strangers than your “best friends” is a tornado of emotions.

The #OnFridaysWeTwin community has grown into an 800-person Discord server. We twin every Friday in different themes (but once each month we wear skirts to celebrate the birthdays of the month). We show off our outfits and hype each other up like drunk girls in a bar bathroom at 2:00 AM. This nostalgic tradition gives many of us something fun to look forward to weekly and a beautiful sense of girlhood (all genders are welcome to participate). The community has built itself on the concepts of acceptance, love, and positivity. It is truly incredible.

Here’s where it becomes complicated for me. I don’t have many friends in my off-screen life. I have some, but maintaining friendships has proven to be a challenge for me. I have been dumped by friend groups, had friendship-ending disagreements, and chosen to walk away from certain friendships that no longer serve me. One year ago, this started to make sense to me. I was diagnosed with ADHD. I had been playing by neurodivergent rules in neurotypical spaces all along - unknowingly. I didn’t understand that when weeks went by without talking to a friend, they viewed the friendship as over or dissolving, whereas I viewed it as “life gets busy…we’re all good.” I have internalized deep shame about my inability to maintain slews of friends. While my ADHD diagnosis has allowed me to finally understand what repeatedly went wrong, I struggle to give myself compassion and understanding. I feel like I am a bad friend, a selfish person, a failure, you name it.

#OnFridaysWeTwin is a beautiful tradition and a painful reminder that, offline, I am far more alone.

Something I have been working on internalizing is that these conflicting feelings can coexist. And that what I pay attention to is my reality. While it hurts to ponder my real-life friendship struggles, #OnFridaysWeTwin is a grounding reminder that I am not alone. Nor is a single person who has ever put on a specific outfit to “twin” with the #OnFridaysWeTwin community. Each and every person that has joined the Discord server has a community of 800 like-minded people ready to provide love.

I choose to pay attention to that.

My Story

Despite the best efforts of my chemically-imbalanced, trauma-ridden brain, I am okay. Good, even.

I haven’t always been okay. I spent my tweenage years confused, my teenage years in tears, and the front-half of my twenties in a Partial Hospitalization Program (PHP). Between familial trauma, undiagnosed ADHD (I was officially diagnosed last year), and the typical struggles of a young woman growing up in the age of social media, young Caroline never truly knew peace.

During my senior year at The University of Illinois, life took a sharp left turn and every wound that I had ever put a bandaid on opened back up. Well, it turns out that bandaids don’t stick forever. I needed a deeper, truer fix. So, I left college early to stitch up years worth of old, nasty, neglected wounds.

To put a decades long story short; I was miserable. I got tired of being miserable. I fixed it.

Now, I’m here to help you stitch up your wounds.

Each article in this series is a deep dive into one unique skill that I learned in my PHP program. Each skill is a real therapeutic skill. I’m merely here to help you sift through the noise of Therapy-Tok and provide a one-stop-shop for you to return to when your brain is screaming for help.

Think of this series as a first-aid kit for your overactive mind.

A quick note before we begin

I am not a licensed mental health professional, therapist, or medical provider. The skills and concepts I share in this series are things I learned through my own participation in a trauma-focused therapy program and are being shared as educational tools and personal reflections. Not as a replacement for professional mental health care.

Everyone’s experiences, needs, and healing journeys are different. Some of these practices may be helpful for you, while others may not resonate, and that’s completely okay. If you are struggling with your mental health or experiencing distress, please consider reaching out to a qualified mental health professional who can provide personalized support.

My hope with this series is simply to make therapy skills feel less intimidating, more accessible, and easier to understand, because everyone deserves to have tools that help them better understand themselves.

So, without further ado, let’s get healing.

Water your SEEDS

This basic skill should always be your first checkpoint when you need some mental relief.

Your mind is a garden. In order for your garden to remain lush and vibrant, you must plant and nurture your SEEDS. Your SEEDS are your most basic human needs.When I feel myself slipping into negative thought patterns, I check my SEEDS. More often than not, at least one SEED is getting neglected.

Sleep

Eating

Exercise

Doctors Orders

Social/Spiritual Needs

S is for Sleep

Sleep can be tricky for those of us with busy minds. We may have trouble getting enough sleep or even struggle with the opposite problem and get too much sleep.

Getting the proper amount of sleep is crucial (7-9 hours is ideal). Make sure to keep a calming, inviting sleeping environment. It’s best to save your bed for sleep, if possible. This way, your mind associates it with sleeping and makes getting a restful night much easier. Try to avoid screens 30-60 minutes before bed – blue light can mess with your melatonin.

E is for Eating

Eat balanced meals regularly. The goal is to eat a balance of proteins, fats, and carbs but don’t make yourself too crazy. Rigid food rules can work against your mental health! Keep in mind that stress can block hunger signals, so be sure to eat meals on schedule even when you don’t feel like it. Your brain will thank you!

E is for Exercise

Move your body in any way that feels good to you! Walk, run, swing-dance, swim, tumble, whatever! Get your blood pumping and your endorphins flowing…even a 10-minute walk is great. This is not about becoming as “swole” as possible. It’s about your mind! As the great Elle Woods once said “Endorphins make you happy!” She’s so right. Listen to Elle.

D is for Doctors Orders

Trust and listen to your doctors. This includes doctors of the mind! Stay consistent with any medication and/or habits recommended by doctors and therapists.

S is for Social and/or Spiritual Needs

Social: Connection doesn’t have to be intense. Sending a text to a friend or sitting in a busy coffee shop helps with fighting isolation and reminding yourself that there is an entire world outside of your mind.

Spiritual: This doesn’t require religion (though it absolutely can include religion, if that’s what resonates). This is about meaning and purpose. Practice gratitude, enjoy nature, or journal. Do anything that gives you a sense of meaning, purpose, or direction.

What Now?

The garden that is your mind is starting to bloom! Congratulations! You are on your way to a happier, healthier mind and should be so proud of yourself!

You may find that some SEEDS are more challenging to maintain than others. That is okay and completely natural. I, personally, absolutely despise working out. I find it to be painful and boring…not to mention a major time-suck. So, I avoid it. If you notice yourself avoiding one or more of your SEEDS, practice some self-compassion (deep dive on self compassion to come…) and take one tiny step at a time. When I have 1 minute of downtime, I stand up and do 30 air squats in my living room. Small steps can make a big difference.

I recommend printing or saving this article and creating your own compilation of self-help resources to return to whenever you need.

Mark things up. Annotate these articles. Scribble your thoughts on some scrap paper.

Until next time bestie!

So innocent and pure.

She has stars in her eyes

And has yet to endure 

The forces that will

Tear her down until 

She's just a shell of that pure baby girl. 

At just four years of age

Like her idol, Princess Belle

She’s been put in a cage

She’s under Disney’s “magical” spell

She watches her hero 

In a size zero gown

 Get swept up by prince charming

And finally receive her crown.

And as her young eyes gaze upon Disney’s magical scenes

Her impressionable mind learns to protect her beauty by all means.

She doesn’t know the birds and the bees. 

She won’t have that talk for years.

Yet on Halloween, she dresses bare belliethat her young male peers,

Who are learning

That that their yearning

For her body reigns supreme. 

That baby girl turns twelve

And she gets her first phone

Into social media she delves

Her remaining confidence is thrown

She scrolls hours each night 

Squinting through tears in her eyes.

Praying her stomach will flatten

And for a gap in her thighs. 

So she runs every day and counts every crumb

And the stars in her eyes have never before been more glum.

High school comes

And she discovers a passion

Imaginative and creative

She falls in love with fashion. 

And with that find

She becomes intertwined 

In a world of brand new oppressions

She enters school with pride

Wearing her art.

But broken is her stride 

And at the same time, her heart. 

“You’re distracting the boys”

She is made to change clothes. 

Her gym uniform is like a large scarlet “A”

Far away her newfound spirit goes. 

So the boys in her class will remain undistracted 

And the shame placed upon her body can never be retracted.

Along comes her first boyfriend 

Feeling wanted is intoxicating.

She thinks that it's love 

But he was really just baiting

A vulnerable child

From the first time he smiled

He knew all he wanted from her. 

She said “I don't want to” 

He said “challenge accepted.”

Manipulation sounds a lot like “I love you” 

So she did what was expected. 

Body taken from her

But he was left satisfied.

Simultaneously, her self worth

And naive stars in her eyes died. 

Just as expected yet completely by surprise,

He etched his name in her bare skin and then he cut ties. 

By college, she's desensitized

To the catcalls about her physique .

If she fights back, she is too sensitive

If she stays silent, she’s too weak.

By merely existing 

Everyday she is risking

Her body, her mind, and her spirit.

But she’s fighting the fight

She’s progressing each day.

She will take back the night

And send society into dismay. 

She is me, she is you.

Women, this is our battle cry.

We are angry, we are proud

We are ready to defy. 

We are an army, 4 billion strong 

Our chant is crass and it’s loud and his name is our battle song

So when he tells you 

Your body is less than ideal,

From the tallest roof shout “fuck you” 

And then go grab a meal. 

You’re allowed to take up space.

Fuck carrying yourself with grace.

Demand he apologizes, don’t offer him one.

Tell your daughter she’s smart, 

She’s strong, compassionate, witty

You can get a headstart 

Teach her she’s far more than just pretty 

We’ve been raised on ideals

That dull the stars in our eyes. 

But I promise you this, 

They’re not impossible to revise. 

We ride at midnight ladies, we’re reclaiming claiming the street

Gay, Straight, Trans, Black, Brown, White, World prepare for our fleet