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In high school, I fell in love with Shakespeare. I swooned over his sonnets, and greedily read the pages of his tragedies laden with ridiculous characters that have turned out to be more realistic than I thought possible at 16. During this time, I was becoming enamoured of the Spanish language. English words were endless, enriching, and beautiful, but as a collector of words, I wanted new ones with deeper meanings. Some expressions are simply more fun in another language and if they’re a bit salty, there’s a chance they’re not as offensive because well, it’s not my mother tongue and I can’t be held responsible.

In June this year, the Holy Spirit placed a new desire in my heart and invited me to begin writing out the scriptures, word for word. Speaking honestly, I’ve not read every word of the bible. I’m ready to discover all that lies within the pages and zoom in closely to investigate the nuance that might be hiding in the original Hebrew and Greek texts. What are the scriptures saying that I might be missing by reading it in my mother tongue? I am no Hebrew scholar…yet. But there are resources and lexicons to hold my hand through the process.

I’ve begun the exercise. I’m treating it carefully and not trying to go very fast. I want to savour every word because I want to understand and give the Holy Spirit space to work in my heart. It doesn’t mean much to know the scriptures but be unchanged by them. I’m looking for transformation because there are still many parts of my heart that do not look like or behave like Jesus’.

His Word is the cure.

Proximity to Jesus is the cure.

Intimacy with Jesus is the cure.

In my heart, I knew this adventure would require a fresh perspective on the Word, and I felt drawn to The Complete Jewish Study Bible. You might be thinking, “I’ve never heard of that!” or “Aren’t we supposed to only read our Catholic bible?” I’m interested in reading a translation of the bible that closely resembles the Old Testament Hebrew scriptures that Jesus would have been familiar with. I want to know the Hebrew names of our bible heroes. Moses is Moshe, for example, and pronounced “Moh-sheh.” This bible is in English, but it gives explanations of various verses through a Jewish lens and was translated by a Messianic Jewish man named David H. Stern. He was culturally Jewish, but believed Jesus is/was the Messiah.

There are subtle nuances that I find exhilarating.

For example, in the NRSV-CI, the Catholic Bible, the opening lines from Genesis say,

In the beginning when God created the heavens and the earth, the earth was a formless void and darkness covered the face of the deep, while a wind from God swept over the face of the waters.

-Genesis 1:1-2 NRSV-CI

I’ve heard this line many times and just accepted it for what it said. A series of events, as it were.

But look at how the Jewish Bible translates this verse. These are the closest words to the original Hebrew that exist, that I am aware of.

In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. The earth was unformed and void, darkness was on the face of the deep, and the Spirit of God hovered over the surface of the water.

-B’resheet (Genesis) 1:1-2 CJB

When I read it the first time and began copying it in my notebook, I stopped and read it over a few times. The Spirit of God hovered? I quickly grabbed my other translation and was sort of shocked at the vast difference in the supposed nuance.

Through deeper study, I discovered that whenever we see a reference to “wind” in the bible, it often refers to the Holy Spirit, but I’d never heard that explicitly. We have songs that talk about the Holy Spirit coming like wind, but we don’t often talk about the Holy Spirit as being in the wind or being the wind itself. Or maybe I missed that lesson.

Further investigation reveals that in Hebrew, the word, Ruach (רוּחַ), means breath, wind, or spirit. The three definitions don’t necessarily require distinction.

Here’s the other thing. The NRSV says that a wind from God swept over the face of the waters. It’s an interesting visual. Wind blowing over the water, just like we experience on Lake Ontario.

But the Jewish Bible says the Spirit of God hovered over the surface of the water.

The Spirit hovered.

That conjures up a very different visual. It’s intimate. Intentional. It evokes emotion as I think of an artist hovering over a blank canvas or a piece of marble, contemplating the shapes and movement they will draw out of the raw material. Or even more intimately, the way a parent hovers over their sleeping child, awe-struck by their beauty and innocence, by their mystery.

This was no passive wind. This was God in palpable form, deeply present in the creation of the world.

If the Holy Spirit hovered over the water when there was only darkness… new life beginning… then does the Spirit not also hover within the dark places in our own hearts where God is ready to bring about new life? Darkness often feels void, still, dead, but through this passage of scripture we see that when God’s hand is on us, darkness can also be the beginning of something fresh and malleable, full of promise.

I was unable to move from that spot for several days. I kept turning it over in my mind and meditating on the intentionality of our God who loves us and is a master artist.

As the months progress and summer transitions into fall, I imagine I will be engaged in this practice of copying scripture for the next couple of years. I’m not in a hurry, but rather, a hover.

Yours Truly,

Dictionary Girl

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My kids got to experience the Texas heat, which they combatted with massive snow cones and the infamous slip-n-slide. We woke up to the weather app reporting a real feel of 119F. That’s 48C. On that day, I drove to the grocery store to pick up extra ice. In Canada, they sell cute little 5 pound bags of ice. In Texas, they offer 10lb or 20lb bags. We got the big ’un, threw it into the cooler, and ate large pieces of East Texas watermelon to keep from frying.

It was fun to visit my old stomping grounds and to catch up with everyone we hadn’t seen in seven years. My home parish got a facelift, the trees in the neighbourhood grew, and we were surrounded by cacti and crepe myrtles. Best of all, the kids got to experience the joy of a Texas pool. Warm water, sun that dries your suit in minutes, and ice clanking in your glass. These are a few of my favourite things.

Now we’re back home and enjoying a few final days at the beach before school begins. The kids have been making pancakes, staying up late, and growing out of their clothes.

In thinking of getting back to a routine, there is a part of me that wants to push myself to achieve all the things, but then I also recognize God has something for me in these final weeks of summer and it’s an invitation to slow down, enter into His Word, and drink deeply from the well.

I’ve got some things to show you in September. Places He’s taking me in the scriptures and an invitation into something new. I’m not sure if I’ll write for the remainder of August, but I am looking forward to the new season in September. I am so grateful to all of you who’ve subscribed and are walking with me on this path into the depths of the Word. I’m looking forward to what God has in store for us this year.

I admit I’ve gotten away from awe and wonder. I haven’t forcefully shut them out, but the demands of life are often louder than the whispering wind of wonder. As the days stretch out longer, curiosity cuts to the front of the line on my to-do list and suggests there may be more to see. And so, I’ve decided to take the month of July “off” of writing for Substack and enter into what the Lord has made.

When praying about this decision, God brought me straight to Psalm 19. Everything about this psalm speaks to me. Let’s take it in sections.

God’s Glory in Creation and the Law

The heavens are telling the glory of God; and the firmament proclaims his handiwork. Day to day pours forth speech, and night to night declares knowledge. There is no speech, nor are there words; their voice is not heard; yet their voice goes out through all the earth, and their words to the end of the world.

It reminds me that sometimes bringing things back to basics is the most profound action we can take. It can be tempting to try to convince others of God’s existence, but really God can take care of that Himself. Being in nature and breathing fresh air reminds us that God cares about the details. So many intricate details lie within the grass. Shapes, colours, species, and life abound in these spaces and there is so much peace. We don’t need more things. We need more nature.

In the heavens he has set a tent for the sun, which comes out like a bridegroom from his wedding canopy, and like a strong man runs its course with joy. Its rising is from the end of the heavens, and its circuit to the end of them; and nothing is hid from its heat.

Does this not foreshadow Christ as the bridegroom? Is God not present at every moment? Even in the sun’s absence, the moon is illuminated by its light. There is no place we can go that is outside of the Lord’s presence. What a profoundly comforting thought. He’s not just present, He is close. I think of the heat as a hug. You cannot run and hug at the same time. It requires a pause and intention. I may think of that every time I feel the sun’s warmth.. God’s hug.

The law of the Lord is perfect, reviving the soul; the decrees of the Lord are sure, making wise the simple; the precepts of the Lord are right, rejoicing the heart; the commandment of the Lord is clear, enlightening the eyes; the fear of the Lord is pure, enduring forever; the ordinances of the Lord are true and righteous altogether.

Culturally, when we think of God’s law (the words He spoke), we think of restrictions and punitive actions. “God will punish me if I don’t behave.” But David here is saying the exact opposite. The law of the Lord… revives the soul, makes us wise, causes our hearts to rejoice! This is, I believe, an example of what Paul writes in Romans about renewing our minds (Romans 12:2). What we once thought to be true, may be a lie. From the text, it sounds like mediating on God’s Word brings us life, not punishment.

More to be desired are they than gold, even much fine gold; sweeter also than honey, and drippings of the honeycomb. Moreover by them is your servant warned; in keeping them there is great reward. But who can detect their errors?

Our culture looks at celebrities and wealthy business people as the crème de la crème of society. But in Jesus’ time, scripture scholars were held in the highest esteem. Imagine what I’m saying. Those who were steeped in God’s word, or dare I say, scripture-soaked, were seen as having taken the highest path! I believe this is still true in the eyes of God. There is nothing greater than knowing the depths of God, all that is available to us, through His Word. Because when we ask the Holy Spirit to guide our scripture reading, the time spent in the Word shifts from academic exercise to dinner and drinks. This is the place where we learn who our God is, and truthfully where He gushes over us and professes His love for us. It’s a hard shift to make when we’ve grown up in a Catholic Christian culture that has gatekept the scriptures, or we’ve been sold a lie that God is ready to punish our every move. But these two assumptions are false! Why would Jesus die a gruesome death for us if God was displeased with us? The logic doesn’t line up, which makes it false. He loves us and tells us again and again in the scriptures. The Word is worth our time.

Clear me from hidden faults. Keep back your servant also from the insolent; do not let them have dominion over me. Then I shall be blameless, and innocent of great transgression. Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable to you, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer.

-Psalms 19:1-14

David is asking God to forgive him of the sins he commits unknowingly. Maybe we’re rude, but don’t know it. Maybe we’re judgemental, but disguise it by asking others to pray for the person we’re judging. Whatever it is, it’s a good prayer to pray. David also admits to one of his known faults. He’s not talking about a specific enemy here, but rather the sins of pride, arrogance, and insolence. He’s asking God to protect him from his fallen human nature. David’s humility in admitting that he has weaknesses is truly an example to us all. He finishes the passage by asking God to accept his prayer, and signs off by placing his trust in our rock and redeemer.

It’s absolutely beautiful and will be my July meditation. As the title of the psalm states, God’s glory is within creation and within His Word - two things I desperately need more of. The pace of life typically doesn’t allow for much quiet time. Or maybe there are pockets of quiet time that exist, but I’ve accidentally filled them with noise. The invitation for this month is to pause, put down the screens, enter into the beauty around me and spend time with Jesus in the scriptures. I will be praying for you all during this timely and invitational mini-break. I’m guessing that my return in August will look a little more like Awe-gust. Hah! I’m signing off with a dad joke. Maybe I really do need a break.

☀️Christina 🐝

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*Scripture taken from the NRSV-CI

Before I had children, I taught women and couples how to track their fertility cycles using a natural system of family planning. Observations took place exclusively in the washroom and I remember mothers expressing difficulty in taking accurate observations due to the lack of personal space. “My children follow me into the bathroom and I can’t always do what I need to do.” At that time, I tried really hard to empathize, but I didn’t get it. I couldn’t understand why these women couldn’t just lock the door and tell the kids they needed a minute. Now, as a mother, I get it. Kids don’t fully understand boundaries until they’re about 3 or 4. Even then, impulse control or lack thereof is real. And so - the parents in the room understand that sometimes, letting a child into one’s personal space is more peaceful than a symphony of fists banging on a bathroom door.

What on earth does all this have to do with God and growing in the scriptures? I’ve been thinking lately about spiritual deserts and dry spells and how sometimes God allows these seasons to occur, but that some of us experience dry spells because we’re waiting for something to happen. We’re waiting for a revelation, a sign, or some kind of epiphany from heaven to fall out of the sky. We’re not in the scriptures because we’re not sure where to start, we want to grow but aren’t sure how to do it, and we end up frustrated and feeling slightly dejected.

A few scriptures come to mind. The first is a well-known verse from Matthew.

but Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not stop them; for it is to such as these that the kingdom of heaven belongs.

-Matthew 19:14

If we are supposed to be like children, it’s worth taking a bit of time to reflect on the habits of children. Children depend on an adult to take care of them. And ideally, that adult is reliable. For some, life has not panned out that way, but for the sake of this illustration, let’s assume this is the intended order of a parent to child relationship. I’ve been blessed to have front row seats to witness the development of a child’s growth and maturity. Having had four children in seven years, my eldest is now nine and, while I’m no expert in the teen years, I’ve seen enough of early childhood development to understand some of their basic patterns of behaviour.

When my children are hungry, they do not go to their rooms and distract themselves or hope that I’ll come find them and ask them philosophical questions about where their hunger comes from. No. My children begin to demand that I feed them. Most of the time, we’re on a schedule so they are fed and satisfied before a meltdown can transpire. However, there are days when life doesn’t go as planned and I get demands for bowls of peanuts and raisins, or cheese. That part is striking to me because if we look at the scene through a spiritual lens, when we are in regular communion with God and we’re doing a daily bible study or devotions, there is the opportunity to grow deeper in the Lord and be truly spiritually fed. Insights, wisdom, and understanding abound because we are regularly coming to the table and partaking in full meals. However, when we get distracted by the day and take in little snacks… peanut and raisin style, we get through but we’re hungry again before the hour’s up.

We’ve all had seasons (I’m thinking students and new moms) where we’ve survived on crackers or ramen in a styrofoam cup. It happens, and it’s ok! But eventually, we realize no amount of retinol is going to fix our glow and we need proper nutrition from the inside out. This is where we are today, spiritually. For some of us, we’re moping in a corner waiting for God to come find us, when really, we need to go bang on the door or find something with a straight edge to turn the lock. Butter knife anyone?

The scriptures are clear.

Ask, and it will be given you; search, and you will find; knock, and the door will be opened for you. For everyone who asks receives, and everyone who searches finds, and for everyone who knocks, the door will be opened.

Is there anyone among you who, if your child asks for bread, will give a stone? Or if the child asks for a fish, will give a snake? If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good things to those who ask him!”

-Matthew 7:7-11

There’s a temptation for those of us who’ve been walking with Jesus for a while to think that when we grow in maturity in Christ, we grow out of the child phase. In one sense, that is true, and yet, we can be both spiritually mature and also approach God as a child would. I love eating a solid meal, but there’s also something comforting about drinking a glass of milk. The two can coexist and if we are to follow Jesus’ instructions, they must.

To the person who has never broken open the scriptures, there is a feast waiting for you. Don’t be afraid to dive in and see where it takes you. Walking with Jesus is like no other experience and one that doesn’t fully make sense until you dive in and do it.

To the Christian who’s been walking with Jesus for a long time and feels dry, keep going. Life with Jesus means entering into a real relationship, and some of us might be feeling like that old couple in the restaurant eating in silence… the couple who’s been married for 40 years and have run out of things to say. But the scriptures tell us the bible is living and active and I believe there will always be revelations the Holy Spirit wants to plant in our hearts. This is a call to get vocal and get to knockin’ on that door.

You might say, “I can’t hear God speak to me.”

Listen.

Everyone who asks receives.

Everyone who searches finds.

For everyone who knocks, the door will be opened.

When someone comes to your door, do you let them in, in silence? Of course not! You welcome them with open arms and, if you’re Italian like me, lay the entire contents of the fridge onto the table. The nature of God is woven into the very fabric of our lives, and yet we have a tendency to distance ourselves from the level of intimacy which He is clearly making available to us. The heavenly banquet is mirrored and foreshadowed every time we share a meal with someone.

Here’s another scripture that I love for this!

Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you.

-James 4:8

It cannot be more clear. When we approach God, He will meet us. I can’t help but speak to the fact that there are people reading this who really feel they’re not worthy to approach God or to hear from Him. I pray if you’re reading this, that the lie you’ve come into agreement with… that you’re not good enough for God and that He only tolerates you.. is broken in the name of Jesus. I pray the Holy Spirit floods you with peace and resolve and that you will knock on His door with full expectation that God will not only let you in, but He’ll show you the depths of love He has for you and the plans He will activate in you so long as you’re holding His hand.

The good thing about God is He’s infinite and doesn’t need bio breaks or to re-charge. He’s waiting expectantly for us to come knocking because, baby, the table is already set.

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For those looking for resources on how to dive deeper into the scriptures, here are a few of my favourite places to start.

Books of the Bible

1. The gospels are a great place to start. Mark is filled with action and is the shortest of the gospels. John goes a little deeper.

2. Acts. Probably one of my favourite books. It’s wild, filled with adventure, and puts the lives of the first Christians on full display.

3. Psalms. Easy to enter into daily. We pray through the highs and lows of King David’s life which are frankly relatable.

External resources

1. Ignatius Catholic Study Bible - filled with contextual insights. No longer do you have to read the bible and go, “what’s that about?” This gives you the back story and deeper meanings behind the text.

2. RightNow Media - Netflix for Bible Studies. They have a catalogue of thousands of bible studies. Access for free through a local non-denominational church.

3. Bible in a year - Ascension Presents

4. There are some fabulous teachers out there. Francis Chan is a favourite.

Final thoughts: DIG IN. If you’re not hungry for the Word of God, you may have filled up on the distraction equivalent of peanuts and raisins. Ask God to show you where you’re eating and to give you a desire for His Word. Ask and you shall receive! AMEN!

*Scriptures taken from NRSV-CI

One of my favourite things to do in a new city is to hail a cab and drive around with the windows down to take in the sights, smells, and sounds. Cusco is rich with history, tradition, and culture. With a style of music called Cumbia as the soundtrack to this adventure, I learned about street food, the Incas, and alpaca wool. One of the most fascinating experiences was witnessing locals living in the countryside trek up steep slopes like gazelles, carrying large bundles on their backs, completely unfazed by the physical exertion required to navigate the mountainous terrain. Having never been exposed to mountains or high altitudes, most of us in the group took our time and did our best to breathe deeply. It was a new sensation to experience both the chill in the air from being so high up and the intensity of the sun.

As part of our program, we studied Spanish during the week in the heart of Cusco. We learned from teachers, historians, lawyers, writers, and artists about the deep cultural roots of the region. On weekends, we visited local communities that lived in the countryside and practiced traditions of old and cooked on open fires in their homes. On one of these trips, a woman who was a leader in her community took me around to people’s households so that I could conduct surveys and practice my language skills. She practically skipped over the rocky terrain while I struggled to keep my footing and avoid a serious fall down the Andes. Noticing my plight, she took my hand and guided me through the tricky parts. What I could not understand was, despite being in decent shape, I just couldn’t get enough air in the high altitude. I’d adjusted enough so I wasn’t exhausted, but I was constantly winded. One of our guides explained to us that people in this area (our guide included) had been born with a larger lung capacity which was reflected in their barrel-shaped chests. An evolutionary adaptation, those born in high altitudes have what they need to thrive in their environment with the ability to take in more air.

In that moment, I wondered what it would have been like to be born with a larger lung capacity. As a musician, I wondered how much longer I might be able to hold a note, or with how much more power I might be able to belt with a barrel-shaped chest. We have a tendency to compare ourselves, don’t we? We see strengths in others and make ourselves sick with jealousy or feelings of inadequacy. In the world, it looks like competing for status, spending money we don’t have, or making sure everyone thinks we have it all together. It’s a waste of time, and yet, how many of us do exactly that?

In church circles, it gets tricky. The devil will try to divide us whichever way he can so for some, comparison takes the form of low self-esteem. “Oh I wish I could _____ like so and so. They’re more “spiritual/talented/gifted than I am.” For others, it takes the form of entitlement. “I want to do this, therefore God must be calling me to this, and I won’t be happy until I do the thing I want to do.” Both require repentance because both take the emphasis off of God and place us and others on a man-made pedestal, whether we realize it or not. The better prayer, in my opinion, is to take stock of the natural gifts, talents, and circumstances we’re in and in humility, ask God how we can best love Him and the people He’s put in our lives. In fact, Jesus tells us explicitly that the greatest commandment is to love God and our neighbour. (Mark 12:31) What it means on a practical level is when looking at another person, our sole objective should be to love them. We would be wise not to stack their accomplishments against ours, wish we could have their lives or judge their life choices. The question should really be, “How can I love this person? How can I leave them feeling better than when I met them today?” I’m preaching to myself here because sometimes I get caught up in what’s not important. Thank God He redirects us and doesn’t get tired of our shenanigans.

Here’s the truth: God formed each of us uniquely with a unique purpose. We don’t need to look like anyone else or have someone else’s gift set. What we have is more incredible than we know! And because God lives in community by design within the Trinity, He models for us that each of us, working together, contributes to a reality that is both beautiful and whole. When I think of God’s intentional design over our lives, I find myself meditating on the psalms.

Your eyes beheld my unformed substance. In your book were written all the days that were formed for me, when none of them as yet existed.

-Psalms 139:16 NRSV-CI

Read that again, slowly. The Scriptures are clear. When we looked like nothing, we were something. And in that seemingly nothingness, God had a plan. Sometimes when it looks like our lives are off track, or we are crippled by fear, it is helpful to come back to this scripture to be reminded that God is intentional. When we are in His perfect will, seeking Him out, asking Him for confirmation and looking for His peace in our lives, we can be sure that He will help us. In fact, He’s always there to help us. It’s when we reject Him or try to do it our way, without involving Him in our lives, that we lose our peace and begin to spiral. I am constantly coming back to scriptures like this one so as to ground myself in THE truth, not a truth posing as a lie. We often think God is waiting to catch us in our sin or mischief, but He would not have sent His son to pay the price if He was a vindictive kind of God. The truth is God loves us so deeply, so intimately, so passionately, that He carefully crafted our person while we were hidden and not yet born.

In fact, He formed each and every one of us so perfectly as to be capable of handling and enriching the environment in which we find ourselves. We may feel that life is too busy, too demanding, or that the trials are too difficult, but just as the people born in high altitudes were born with physical mechanisms in their bodies to be able to thrive, so too are the rest of us equipped to face whatever our version of thin air might be. And, what we might lack physically, God makes up for spiritually or within friendships and encounters.

Sometimes we are called to use our strengths to help others. And other times, God provides us with coca leaves, oxygen tanks, and leaders to hold our hand and guide us into safety through rocky hills. Because He has written in His book all the days that were formed for us, we can be sure that He will provide us with everything we need to live out His mission for our lives on this Earth. The responsibility He places in our hands is to work to discover Him intimately so that, in relationship, He has freedom to invite us into exactly who He’s created us to be. God is invitational and will never push in, as they say. So, as the Bible repeats over 100 times, Do Not Be Afraid. He’s got you, He is all you need, and you are fearfully and wonderfully made. (Psalm 139:14)

Questions to ponder:

1. Do you believe God formed you with intention?

2. How have you witnessed your natural strengths serve Him and others throughout your life?

3. When has He sent you support when you needed a hand?

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Yesterday was one of those days where the Lord decided to let Himself feel especially close. As I took care of things around the house, to my great surprise and delight, I felt His presence.

He was with me while I cleaned the kitchen and gave me the idea to make ratatouille with the vegetables in my fridge. I could sense internally that He wanted me to take care of myself. To be calm, to eat well, to move, to read something and to feed the intellectual and spiritual parts of myself.

We have a race to run, and I am so thrilled to be on Mission for Jesus. Sometimes I can’t believe that I get to work closely with Him and the people He’s put in my life to tell the world about His heavenly Kingdom. Honestly, I would not trade it for anything! And sometimes, a disciple needs a solid meal and a nap.

A couple of months back, my friend was talking to me about the importance of taking care of the body, mind, and spirit. Because this friend and I are musicians, we think in terms of instruments and equipment by nature. He said something like this…

“Imagine that we are supported by a tripod. It has three legs, and they all have to be extended at equal lengths in order to stand stably. If one of those three legs is not right, the whole stand will topple over. We can’t spend all our time on spiritual things, because if we neglect to take care of our bodies, then the tripod legs will be off balance. Or if we spend every spare moment on intellectual pursuits, or physical well-being, then we miss the necessary spiritual nutrition needed to sustain us. All three are vital to our health. We cannot put all of our weight on one leg.”

He didn’t know that I was struggling to find this balance. (Or maybe he did!) He often speaks words from the Holy Spirit at “random” and it makes me cry, every time. Hah! Fun guy to be around!

What he said got me thinking. I take care to make sure that my children live a balanced life. They have an early bed time because science has proven that kids need good sleep. Without it, their bodies and minds become too stressed and a host of problems ensue. They are more prone to anxiety and depression, can suffer poor memory retention, and develop issues around blood pressure and immune system function. To set them up for success over the course of their lives, sleep is a priority in our house.

When it comes to their minds, I generally tend to let them read what they like, and balance it out by reading classic literature out loud, when we can. We went through a Hobbit phase and it’s been the high point of my parenting experience, to date.

Spiritually, I’m experimenting to see what satiates their curiosity and interest. There are scripturally rich children’s shows on RightNow Media that have been enormously helpful in aiding their memorization of bible stories and verses. We’ve prayed with devotionals, thrown a ukulele or a little drum into their hands to worship through music, and do our best to name what we’re grateful for every day.

There’s no formula, we don’t have it all figured out, and we’re open to suggestions because their formation is important to us and we know they will be formed by their surroundings. Therefore, we must approach the vocation of parenting with intention. There have been so many instances where we’ve gotten it wrong, but we keep trying because these beautiful people who’ve been entrusted to us deserve our best efforts.

After my friend and I had the conversation about the tripod, it caused me to seriously examine my life and how I approach the three legs of body, mind, and spirit. Can I say that I give myself the same amount of care with the same kind of intention? If I’m being honest, the answer is no, not typically. I’m guilty of going to bed too late, eating the wrong things when I’m stressed, and choosing YouTube over classic literature. And yet, each time I engage in what could be considered cumulatively destructive behaviours, I really do feel the Holy Spirit’s nudge to go to sleep early and change my habits, which would take care of the junk food and slop social media issues by default.

From my previous post, you know I deleted Instagram and now I’m on an adventure to fill my mind with good old fashioned analog reading. Literature, books about faith, and my journal are taking the place of scrolling and let me tell you - it just plain feels good. My mind’s beginning to ease back into its first love, before screens entered the scene. And spiritually, well, I’m working on studying the life of Jesus in a way that helps me to understand Him as a person.

I’m learning that taking care of the body, mind, and spirit is a holy endeavour. One is not more spiritual than the other. In fact, I’m discovering the better I tend to my body and mind, the more space I have to stretch out and expand, spiritually. I feel a bit silly writing it out like this, but maybe I’m not the only one who hasn’t got it all figured out yet.

Now, the Lord has asked me to paint, so paint I will! I’m working on a painting of a butterfly because they know a thing or two about transformation. With each brush stroke, you all will be in my prayers. I am so thankful to each and every one of you who read these letters as we journey together to find our way in the Will of God.

We believe in one God, the Father, the Almighty, maker of heaven and earth, of all that is seen and unseen.

Of all that is seen and unseen. “Really, Christina?,” I asked myself. I’d been wallowing in self-pity. I was resentful that my vision for what leading worship should look like wasn’t unfolding the way I’d planned. But in the spiritual realm, the unseen realm, we were worshiping alongside the thousands of thousands of angels encircling the throne of God. (Revelation 5:11) It was true then and it is true now.

It was in this most excruciating season of ministry, that a depth of understanding was unlocked in my heart by the grace of Almighty God. He revealed to me that when leading worship, we’re not playing to a crowd. It’s not a concert. It’s joining in the heavenly songs of the angels. Songs that the Spirit Himself wrote and gave to a human to invite us into the celebration in Heaven. The celebration that comes straight to us in each and every Mass. This truth honestly causes me to tremble. At the same time, it takes all the pressure away. To lead worship is not to perform. It is to pray. And it is a great joy to lead others into a space where their hearts feel free and open to reach out to the Lord with open arms.

What is most profound to me about this scenario, is that it is very likely I would not have discovered this truth had I not been actively engaged in ministry. Surely, there are ways in which God reveals Himself to us through solo prayer, but so much, and I cannot express this enough, SO.MUCH. is learned when we are in the deep end, swimming hard. Yes, Jesus provides us with rest, but there is often a misunderstanding that life with Jesus means a life of ease. If we follow closely the lives of the disciples, their lives were the opposite of easy. Gospel work is just that. Work.

I had every reason to quit during Covid. I gave birth to my third child and the world out there looked dangerous. I worried about my babies, I was exhausted from having a newborn, and I could not understand why God would not allow me to give it up. As those years are behind us, I am only beginning to see that there is fruit still being born from that season. Here’s the truth. Sometimes we just have to ride out hard seasons. Almost everyone in my life tried to convince me to leave the ministry to focus on my family, but my husband and I both agreed this was where God was calling us to be, as a family. It didn’t make sense, but when we’re talking about the mysteries of God, it doesn’t need to make sense to be right. This is why it’s crucial to talk to God and listen to what He’s saying. This is faith.

It is interesting to note that all four gospels contain messages from Jesus giving the disciples explicit instructions to serve people. Let’s look at this line from Mark’s gospel.

For the Son of man also came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.

-Mark 10:45

It may be a hard thing to hear, but if we want to be like Jesus, we need to think of others before ourselves. In a culture obsessed with “me-time,” and “self-love,” it’s hard to imagine what this could mean. There is a time and a place for self-care, to be sure, but probably not to the extent some of us are taking it. In fact, I think the topic warrants a blog post unto itself, but let’s say this: If Jesus came to the Earth, cooked over a fire, practiced personal hygiene in a world that didn’t include Sephora, and suffered the most abominable disrespect for our sakes, then maybe we can endure discomfort in order to complete the race He’s set for us to run. Every marathon runner I’ve ever met has black toenails and blisters. They also have incredible and unparalleled endurance.

If you take anything away from this post, let it be these two things:

1. Get involved. Start living your life in a way that leads people to Jesus. Host bible studies at your home. Join a team at church. Intentionally pray for the people you work with. Put yourself in positions to grow alongside other Christians so that you can get stronger and help one another into holiness. You don’t have to have all the answers. The Holy Spirit will help you!

2. Don’t quit. Have some resolve and know that there is work to do, lessons to be learned, and that God will open up a new door when it’s time for you to leave your post. This is a training ground. You need it in order to be able to walk through the next door.

While I am so happy to be on the other side of those desert years, I am reminded that suffering is never wasted, we never reach the end of God, and He’s always inviting us to go deeper. Seriously though, are you in?

*Scriptures taken from the RSV-CI

While I sit here and wonder how I’m going to accomplish all that I have in front of me, I am reminded of one of the most fundamental verses of my spiritual formation. Paul is writing about being given a thorn in his flesh to keep him from becoming conceited after wondrous revelations were revealed to him. He boasts again and again of his weaknesses. Can you imagine?? How many of us BOAST of our weaknesses? Most of us are committed to saving face and inflating our abilities as if we have something to prove. Let’s read the verse.

“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

-2 Corinthians 12:9

The “But he said to me,” refers to Jesus. Jesus is telling Paul that His power is made perfect in weakness. Are we hearing this correctly? It goes against everything our culture teaches us about self-preservation, self-promotion, and self-reliance. I believe one of the reasons so many Christians are stuck living lives devoid of the power of God is because some of us haven’t realized that to see the power of God, we have to leave our egos behind and dare I say, boast, of our weaknesses before Him.

It looks like this. “God, you have called me into this very difficult situation. I cannot do this without you. Please give me the wisdom and resources needed to do your will.” And we have to pray this honestly! Not just some hum-drum kind of prayer feigning humility before the Lord so we can get our way. I’m talking real, authentic, sweating because we’re going to fail without Him kind of prayer.

I’m still figuring this out. Sometimes, I get it right, and then as soon as I feel I’ve got my feet on the right footing, God presents a new opportunity to show me just how badly I need Him for everything.

When I first started leading worship at our parish, I was asked to get a band together. While I could sing, and lead, I didn’t play any instruments well enough for public worship. All the musicians I knew lived out of town. I accepted the assignment after much prayer, and fell to my knees begging God to send me a team. This was serious. I needed to deliver, and I didn’t know how, but I did know WHO. (Thanks to Joyce Meyer for that turn of phrase.)

A few days later, the priest who invited me into the role let me know that one of our parishioners had a teenage grandson who played guitar. I knew this could go in either direction. Most teenagers are used to playing in their rooms to the wall. Leading worship for a Mass was going to require some skill. Again, helpless, I begged the Lord.

One non-negotiable for me as a worship leader has been to hold auditions for anyone interested in joining the team. So, as the audition date approached, I asked God for wisdom and courage as I prepared to audition the teenager, and a bass player. I lamented that I wasn’t able to accompany myself, but felt God powerfully speak to the necessity of relying on Him and forming teams in order to do something meaningful, together.

Audition day came. The guitar player who was 15 or 16 at the time came with his grandfather, and what that kid produced elicited a single response from my heart to God. THANK YOU! He’d been performing live already for quite some time. He was and is one of the most advanced guitar players I’ve ever encountered, and to my great surprise and relief, is anointed. When he plays, something supernatural happens within the human heart. Then, the bass player showed up and we all jammed, and along with another singer, our first worship band was forged in the discomfort and fire of total reliance on the Holy Spirit.

I am now in my ninth year leading worship at our parish. There have been many iterations of the band since, and I’ve had the joy and privilege of doing life and ministry with extraordinary people. I could never have imagined all that this ministry has become.

The real question is this: Will you answer the call of the Holy Spirit and put yourself in situations that require vulnerability and reliance on God? In order to live a supernatural life where the people in our lives are set free from bondage to sin, we must first be transformed ourselves. Once this begins, the natural next step is to lead others to Jesus. The process begins by letting the Lord Jesus teach us, by investing heavily in the Word, and then actually doing what the Word says. In this case, boasting of our weaknesses with the full expectation that God will show up. We admit our weaknesses. His power rests on us. That is the promise and the power of the Word of God.

So, as I crumple up this now empty bag of pretzel sticks and take the last few sips of a cup of chamomile tea, I am thankful for all that I am not able to do on my own, and rejoicing at all the miracles, both small and great, He has allowed in my life.

I will leave you with this verse - Paul’s conclusion on the subject.

For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

-2 Corinthians 12:910

Amen.

*Scriptures taken from ESV

It sounds extreme because it is. The situation is dire and we are being led down a dangerous path to perdition. I’m preaching to myself as over the last several months, God has been explicitly telling me to disconnect from social media. Any form of entertainment that lends itself to binging simply has to go. That’s been His directive. Interestingly, several people I’ve spoken to lately have said the same. God is telling them to delete the apps, streaming platforms, time-wasters. Most of us cannot imagine what life would be like without endless hours of scrolling. Some of us are in complete denial about how much time we actually spend flicking our thumbs south to north.

Something nefarious is at play and while some of us are casually talking about it, demonic forces are working hard, betting on our undisciplined minds and bodies to keep us stuck in a world that keeps us from connecting with one another in real life. The devil knows that if we, as human beings, actually talk to one another, we’ll find out we have more in common than not, and begin to help one another and dare I say, love one another. We are trapped in a death-cycle of political and social ideology and have completely forgotten what it means to be a Christian in the world. Our calling to its core is to go out and love God and our neighbour. How can we do that if we’re holed up in our bedrooms watching cat videos, politics, and people cooking pasta in silence? Be honest - how many of us can’t pee without simultaneously scrolling? Are we that afraid to be alone with our thoughts or to have our minds slow down just a bit? If we’ve got any doubt as to why we don’t feel close to God or haven’t been able to hear His voice, it just may be that the screen-time is acting as interference.

The world of storytelling is getting darker. Where once we looked for good to conquer evil, we now empathize with and validate the motives of serial killers. We watch traumatic, explicit, and graphic scenes of people being murdered, sexually assaulted, or terrorized and we think.. It’s so raw. It’s so real. We like to feel we have some insider knowledge, or that we may even learn a thing or two about avoiding such situations in our real lives. We lay on the couch or in our beds after a long day, hoping to relax, and instead we enter worlds of darkness where the main themes are death, sadness, murder, destruction, lying, cheating, stealing, affairs, and then we wonder why we’re feeling so overwhelmed and burdened all the time.

Sure, there are some shows and movies that are uplifting, and there is a beautiful place for them! We should watch, read, and listen to what inspires us to perpetuate beauty in the world. I’m not suggesting that we never watch anything, but I am suggesting we be selective and intentional about how we consume media. When we have to physically turn up the brightness on our devices because the scene of the show is literally so dark we can’t see what’s happening.. that’s our cue to evaluate if the series is going to give us life or suck us into the underworld.

When I think about living life on purpose, my mind always goes to David. The bible says he was a man after God’s own heart. He wasn’t perfect and he made a lot of mistakes, really awful and impactful mistakes, but when he was on track, God was his number one priority. He spent his youth in the fields taking care of sheep. In the pastures outside of Bethlehem, David honed his sling-shot skills, wrote songs and learned to play the harp and lyre, rested, and kept his sheep safe. I imagine that if he’d scrolled constantly throughout the day, he would not have prayed much, a few sheep would have gone missing, he’d have lost the fight against Goliath due to being a lousy shot where the sling was concerned, and he’d never have learned to play the musical instruments that later would be used to cast out demons from King Saul’s tormented mind. If David had a smartphone, it’s very possible he would have completely missed his purpose and the anointing God planned for his life.

If we want to do anything effective for the Kingdom of God, we have to be plugged into the source. We cannot serve two masters and most of us are doing exactly that. We’re sacrificing prayer for Prime. We’re trading time in the Bible to enter regurgitated storylines that offer no hope, but leave us desperate to hit “next episode” so that we can escape the reality of our lives. What if God is trying to give us the solution to our problems, but we can’t hear Him because we’ve accidentally or on purpose shut Him out? Have you ever had dinner with someone who wouldn’t put their phone down? It’s exasperating! Is that what we’re doing to God? I’ll be the first to raise my hand. I have done this. I do this! And as a result, this week, I have deleted my instagram account.

And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away; it is better for you to lose one of your members than for your whole body to go into hell.”

-Matthew 5:30

Jesus isn’t asking us to physically mutilate our bodies, but He is giving us directions to remove whatever is causing separation between us and God.

The time is now. As AI takes over the internet and it becomes more difficult to decipher the truth from what is false, we must lean into the scripture’s directives so that we may be people who operate from a place of wholeness, with wisdom, being guided by the Good Shepherd who calls our names and whom we follow.

I’m going to put a good chunk of a passage here for us to meditate on, but there is one line in particular that stands out. I’ve chosen the NIV translation for this particular verse because it gets straight to the point.

Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.

-Proverbs 4:23 NIV

Have you ever noticed that after watching a show, you begin to think or speak like the main character, pulling from their vocabulary or habits? It’s fascinating the way our minds work! We imitate. It’s what we do. It’s the way we acquire language and life skills. It just simply is what it is. So, with that in mind, let’s hear what God has to say in this passage from Proverbs 4.

Hear, my child, and accept my words, that the years of your life may be many.

I have taught you the way of wisdom; I have led you in the paths of uprightness.

When you walk, your step will not be hampered; and if you run, you will not stumble.

Keep hold of instruction; do not let go; guard her, for she is your life.

Do not enter the path of the wicked, and do not walk in the way of evildoers.

Avoid it; do not go on it; turn away from it and pass on.

For they cannot sleep unless they have done wrong;

they are robbed of sleep unless they have made someone stumble.

For they eat the bread of wickedness and drink the wine of violence.

But the path of the righteous is like the light of dawn, which shines brighter and brighter until full day.

The way of the wicked is like deep darkness; they do not know what they stumble over.

My child, be attentive to my words; incline your ear to my sayings.

Do not let them escape from your sight; keep them within your heart.

For they are life to those who find them, and healing to all their flesh.

Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life.

Put away from you crooked speech, and put devious talk far from you.

Let your eyes look directly forward, and your gaze be straight before you.

Keep straight the path of your feet, and all your ways will be sure.

Do not swerve to the right or to the left; turn your foot away from evil.

-Proverbs 4:10-27

I know that’s a lot to chew, but verses 14-17 are especially poignant this time reading through. “Do not enter the path of the wicked….” We are being instructed not to walk down the path of violence. If our bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, then our minds and hearts must also be protected and fed good, holy food, in order to have the wisdom and understanding that can only come from God! Jesus tells us to be light in the world. How can we do that if in the moments we have to recharge and refuel, we are filling ourselves with darkness or mediocre slop? We need the Holy Spirit to reside in us and make the flames in our hearts so bright that evil moves out of the way when we walk into a room. This all happens through divine anointing and the only way to have the power of God is to receive it from Him directly, and that means time in prayer and proximity to Jesus. Period.

Here is a list of action items to consider this week:

1. What are the dreams or desires God has placed on your heart and what skills do you need in order to accomplish them?

2. Can you commit to swapping 10 minutes a day of scrolling for prayer and reading of the scriptures?

3. Is there anything in your life you feel God might be asking you to give up, or cut off - and are you willing to give it all for Him? If not, consider praying for the desire to give up what He’s asking. It will be worth it!

I am praying for us, Church. I’m praying for revival and that we can be people who live out the promises of God. People who live with purpose, on purpose, to bring Jesus to a world that is so desperate for hope. In Jesus’ Name!

*Scriptures taken from NRSV-CI unless otherwise noted

How did I end up in such a precarious position? I was completing my first year at University as a vocal performance major. While I loved the program, my soul was dying. I was operating in two worlds, in church on Sunday, but no regard for God every other day of the week. I spent many nights weeping over the conflict in my heart and knew I had to leave as I wasn’t yet strong enough to be in that environment and stay the proverbial course. I’d taken a shine to the Lord of the Rings trilogy and, looking for my purpose, I decided to follow in the footsteps of Frodo Baggins and go for a walk. I remembered a group that spoke at my home parish while I was in high school. They walked from Los Angeles, California to Washington D.C. praying for the unborn. A restless and depressed 18 year old, I needed the fresh air and open skies. I could not have known that this decision would set the stage for several significant events in my life, and while not without peril, it set several wheels in motion that would ultimately lead me here.

One of the practical structures of the adventure was that we were divided into two teams, day shift and night shift. We walked in twos (one boy, one girl) for practical reasons of safety. Two people would be dropped off while the van with the rest of the shift’s crew drove ahead 5 miles to catch some zzzs and wait for the pair’s arrival. The next two walkers would get out and the process would continue until morning where we’d find an RV camp, shower, rest, and wash our clothes.

Eventually, we made it to our final destination, but those few thousand miles were really just the beginning. Through several series of events, I can say with absolute clarity that the initial decision to go into the wilds of the southern USA was the catalyst that eventually led me to attend a different university, meet my husband and move to Canada.

(Page from my sketchbook - inspired by Indian textiles.)

We often want our lives to have some kind of spectacular outcome, but we spend so much time fretting over our circumstances, that we stall out and stop moving. I think it’s fair to say we tend to long for what’s different or “greater” because in our hearts, our desire is for eternal peace. Our dreams are in heaven while our bodies are on earth, and our flesh acts that out by never being satisfied with what’s in front of us.

For some, like myself at 18, it may be that you find yourself living a double life. Wanting to live a life of holiness, but being drawn into what the world offers. That situation will require asking God for forgiveness and doing what it takes to make real changes in life. It can be hard, but it’s worth it. For others, it may be a matter of complaining about the very opportunities God has placed in front of you. I am guilty of this sometimes. I want to get to the next step, but God’s teaching me that we have to go through this step first because this season holds keys to the doors of next season.

The truth is our one true desire is Him. Everything we do, everywhere we go, everything we buy…most of the time what we’re actually looking for is Him.

The surest way to Him is to be where He’s put us and to do the thing that is in front of us. It can be mind-boggling and frustrating and doesn’t look at all like the plan we have for our lives, and yet, all things work together for good for those who love the Lord. (Romans 8:28) In University, I wanted to sing! I thought leaving my vocal performance program would be the end of my singing endeavours. And there was a long break, but this year is my 9th year serving as the worship leader at our church and it all started by trusting God’s lead in leaving the program and taking a long walk.

Let’s look closer at the book of Romans chapter 8. Paul is talking about living in Heaven with our resurrected bodies, free from the corruption of death. Starting with verse 26, he says…

Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words.

And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God.

-Romans 8:26-27

That last line in particular is a bit of a gut-punch, but it’s so good. “The Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. Oh, how much time we waste praying for this and that when we could be praying for the will of God to be above every desire in our hearts. Much of the time, when we have united ourselves to God, our desires are simply offshoots of the desires He has for our lives, but we have to be careful that we’re not trying to force God’s hand or strike deals with Him. I’ve prayed it, you’ve probably prayed it.. “God please give me_____ and I’ll do XYZ for you! This is how I’ll believe you’re real!” While an honest prayer, it’s also one that places us in the position of God and Him as somehow subservient to do our bidding as we please. I’ve since repented. Mea culpa.

My desire to sing was always from Him. I thought I wanted fame and a record deal. He wanted me to sing for Him and to lead others to sing for Him. Turns out, that’s also what I wanted all along. Good desire. Redeemed plan.

And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.

-Romans 8:28

He loves us and has a distinct purpose for each of us. That’s good news! But again.. there’s more to this story. The next verse is the clincher.

For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers.”

-Romans 8:29

All things working together for good does not equate to material success or a perfect shiny life, although, we are promised a peace that surpasses all understanding. (Philippians 4:7) What the line from Romans signifies is that by loving the Lord, we are steadily conformed to His image. We become more like Him. More loving, more self-sacrificing, looking for opportunities to serve, not out of self-interest but for the good of others. We’re more willing to put up with unpleasant circumstances if it means helping people get closer to Jesus.

And it’s worth it, because as the last line of this section says…

And those whom he predestined he also called, and those whom he called he also justified, and those whom he justified he also glorified.”

-Romans 8:30

He calls us to be in relationship with Him. He protects us and saves us from eternal death. And we get to be with Him, forever, and that forever begins the moment you say yes to Him. We’re not waiting for a care-free life when we die. No! The moment we say yes, our training begins as He shapes us into someone who looks and loves like Him.

The training ground happens wherever He’s placed us and He will use the here and now to propel us into the next thing. So we must stop fighting our circumstances, and dig into the soil where He’s planted us. When it’s time to be planted elsewhere, we can be sure we will not miss it, because if we’re in relationship with God, then, we’re also learning how to hear from Him. So, do the next thing that’s in front of you.

What does walking look like for you?

*Scripture referenced - ESV

Immediately this verse came to my mind.

I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.

-2 Timothy 4:7

I believe there are a great many of us who truly desire to run our race for Christ. We go to church faithfully, we say our prayers with humble expectation, and we believe that God is good. Only, we’re not entirely sure what it is we’re supposed to be doing beyond church, prayers, and maybe the occasional bible study. Is that what it means to run the race? I would assert that the aforementioned activities serve as a training ground, but that in themselves, they are not “the race.” Some may protest this assertion citing cloistered nuns as doing exactly that - praying the majority of the day and running the race set before them. However, while the prayers may certainly be what God has called them to do, loving the people in their community is more likely where the race lane lies.

To live out Jesus’ commission to go and make disciples of all nations, I have discovered there is nothing formulaic about His instruction. We think in order to spread the gospel we need to be a priest or become a missionary in a foreign country. But in actuality, God has given each of us a unique identity that goes beyond the wonderful, yet generic title, “child of God,” and with it, a curated type of mission.

I have four children who are undoubtedly my children. They also have individual names that are personal to them. At my dinner table every night, I experience four distinct personalities with a full array of strengths, weaknesses, preferences, and character traits. Two are extremely musical, one is a committed artist, and one has the ability to command a room. They’re young, and I’m still learning who God made them to be, but right out of the gate, I can tell they’re unique and distinct from one another.

(Pen and ink drawing)

This is also true in God’s kingdom. Most of us go through life just hoping for the bare minimum… that God will let us into Heaven. What we don’t always realize is that not only does He truly want us in His kingdom, but He wants us on His team - working alongside Him and each other to bring love into the places we’ve been planted.

Let that sink in.

When I started out in music ministry, I didn’t have any of this knowledge or understanding. I was operating in volunteer mode. I loved God and wanted to help people to pray by creating music they could enter into worship with. Deep down, I was also hoping that a famous record-producer would, by some miracle, be present at one of the Masses and ask me to sign a record deal. Somewhere in my heart, I was still attaching my identity and worth to my gift, but now I am beyond sure that gifting and identity are not the same and it takes every ounce of pressure off attaining the false-God of worldly success.

Sometime last year, I asked God to please reveal to me the name He’s given me. Sure, my parents gave me a name when I was born, but I wanted to know what He calls me. Who He designed and intended for me to be. After a few weeks of prayer, an idea began to form in my mind and I heard three words form in my heart. Ambassador of Healing.

What that means is when I am operating from a place of love and not fear, any room I walk into, no matter the scene, I am there to represent the Kingdom of God and by the power of the Holy Spirit, to bring healing to the people I’m with. God alone holds the power and does the work, we simply hold his hand and go along with Him.

Walking in my God-given identity means that no matter what I’m doing, who I am, who I be - is an Ambassador of Healing. If I’m singing, I’m praying that God will supernaturally touch and heal the people’s hearts to be able to better receive Him and live in freedom. If I’m writing, I’m praying that these words would be filled with God’s anointing and that those of you reading would experience the depths of His love. If I’m painting, teaching, or having a conversation with someone at the grocery store, I’m praying that whoever I come in contact with would leave having encountered peace and desiring deeper levels of healing and freedom in their lives. The name of Jesus may or may not come up, but He is in me, therefore, I represent Him. This is most effective when my own heart is in the right place and I’m operating in love and desiring the good of my neighbour. I don’t always get it right, but I understand the way it’s supposed to work.

What this also means is that I don’t have to worry about pursuing the things of this world in order to have validation. I trust that God will put me in the exact places that He wishes me to be to accomplish His purpose. The goal, above all, is to love the people He’s put in our lives, and to love them through the lens of Christ’s sacrifice and also… our unique identity. That’s the race. Some will run in the Bahamas. Some will run within the kitchens of their homes as they welcome their families, neighbours, and friends. My husband’s identity centers around the peace of Christ as he has a supernatural ability to put everyone at ease. Even the most high-strung and anxious characters confess to feeling much calmer after spending time with him. This is a gift that comes from God and these supernatural abilities are not limited to the few.

God has given each and every one of us a unique identity, and we have only to look to scripture to see how much He really loves us.

For it was you who formed my inward parts; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

Wonderful are your works; that I know very well.

My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes beheld my unformed substance.

In your book were written all the days that were formed for me, when none of them as yet existed. How weighty to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! I try to count them—they are more than the sand; I come to the end —I am still with you.”

-Psalms 139:13-18

Do we praise God for who He made us to be? David, the psalmist did! It’s time to stop being hard on ourselves for the things we can’t control and to get on with living the life God intended for us.

I pray this is the last day that any of us live in shame or in doubt that God created us in love. No matter what our lives have looked like up until this point, no matter how we came to be, or all the messes we’ve found ourselves in, God makes us new and calls us by name! (2 Corinthians 5:17; Isaiah 43:1)

The scriptures are clear. We are not to live like people passing the time until we die. No, we are called to engage the world around us and be light to the world.

For we are what he has made us, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand to be our way of life.

-Ephesians 2:10

It does not matter the decade in which we were born. If we have fully pigmented hair or have gone silver or grey. Some of us are just getting started. Some have been running a long time. Either way - Run. Your. Race.

You’re not finished until God says it’s time and frankly, there are so many people to love. What does your race lane look like, and most importantly, what is your name?

As humans, we love to share what we’ve found to be helpful to our lives. I love hearing people’s recommendations for restaurants, recipes, art supplies, anything! Whole subreddits and YouTube channels are dedicated to reviewing and recommending products and places.

(A page from my sketchbook.)

I wonder, what are our feelings on sharing our faith? I think the honest answer for most of us is that we feel a bit shy. Some of us might feel bold and inspired, others would never want to impose on someone’s personal journey. I don’t think there’s a right or wrong way to feel, but I do wonder, if we’re hesitant to share our faith, have we really experienced the power of the gospel? Hear me out.

Before getting into the scriptures, I was ok to tell people I went to church, but I wasn’t keen on getting into the depths of my faith with people because frankly, I didn’t know what to get into! I was culturally Catholic meaning I went to church, said my prayers sometimes, and tried to be a good person. After experiencing Jesus IN the scriptures, it became clear that to be a follower of Jesus is not the same thing as being a disciple of Jesus. A follower doesn’t have much responsibility and enjoys some of the benefits of being around Jesus and church culture. This is actually wild because it only applies to areas where Christianity is allowed to be practiced publicly. In many places around the world, there is no worldly benefit in being a Christian and following Jesus in any way is met with persecution and often the threat of prison or death. I have often wondered what believers in areas hostile to the faith know that I don’t know… that they would risk their lives to attend an underground service. As a kid, I was just looking for the donuts in the church courtyard after Mass.

I won’t pretend to know it all. I think I’ve only begun to scratch the surface, but I am realizing that the entire purpose of claiming Christ as Lord is to be completely reliant on Him, to get to know Him as best we can, and to take what we’ve learned to others so that they can experience freedom, inner peace, and ultimately salvation.

The gospel is this: Jesus takes us, who are separated from Him in an eternal sense, and unites us to Himself forever. Without Jesus, we live in constant fear, isolation, anger, and unforgiveness. With Jesus, He transforms our hearts and restores us to His original design, identity, and plan for our lives… which is to live in a way that is connected to both God and one another, to be filled with joy and peace, and to look for ways to love the people in our lives. When we really get that, then we understand that we can’t keep it to ourselves and really, we don’t want to. We want others to experience that kind of freedom!

So how do we get there? First and foremost by God’s grace. We cannot earn or work our way into being some kind of super-disciple. But what we can do is spend intentional time with God and get scripture-soaked to the point that the Holy Spirit can help us recall the verses we’ve read when we need them the most. Full disclosure: When God asked me to start sharing my experiences of Him publicly, I was hesitant and a little bit terrified! But then in came that verse…

…for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.

-2 Timothy 1:7

The Psalms are a beautiful entry point into scripture meditation. Look at this line.

Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.

-Psalm 119:105

To look at the Bible you might think, where do I even begin? This verse is a calming reminder that so long as we’re in the scriptures, God will begin to reveal Himself to us. Despite what we may have been told, He wants to speak truth into our hearts and if we persist in our pursuit of truth, He will illuminate our hearts and minds and we will be renewed. (Romans 12:2).

This week, I’ve been listening to the Bible while I get ready in the morning. There’s an app called Dwell which is fabulous, and they have some sample books of the Bible on YouTube. Here’s Psalm 119 in its entirety.

The whole Psalm is filled with David’s proclamations of love for God’s Word. What better way to fall in love with the scriptures than to listen to someone go ga-ga for them. Let’s not forget to ask the Holy Spirit to pray with us and to please point out a verse or two to meditate with.

The thing about a lamp is that when we’re walking in the dark, we can only see a few steps ahead. We won’t be able to see everything all at once, but seeing a little feels much safer than walking without a guide. God often shows us just enough to take a few steps, but as long as we’re holding that lamp, come blackout or burglar, we’ll be alright. If my dad was reading verse 105, I wonder if he might think.. your word is a Maglite to my feet and a light to my path.

*Scriptures are referenced from the ESV.

(Thanks Chris F from pixels.com for the photo of this adorable little frog.)

From egg, to tadpole, to adult living on land, the frog changes exponentially and life looks different at every stage. The same could be said for human development, typically, but what about spiritually? Paul writes about spiritual maturity in terms of drinking milk vs. eating meat. (Corinthians 3:2 and Hebrews 5:12-14) Some of us crave this spiritual transition from infancy into adulthood, while others of us are not even aware that there are deeper levels of spiritual growth because most of us have never been discipled by anyone. We’ve gleaned nuggets of truth from beautiful homilies and have likely learned some interesting information from bible studies or church gatherings, but what if there’s more? The biblical model is clear. Jesus takes 12 people and walks through life with them. They eat together, they work together, they play, talk, cry, celebrate, and travel. They are intimately involved in one another’s lives and the result is that Jesus trains up the people in his inner circle to pray like him, talk like him, work miracles, and preach the gospel. I wonder if the disciples picked up any of Jesus’ mannerisms. Did he talk with his hands, put his weight on one hip, sniff when He disagreed with something?

What stands out to me like a neon sign is the apostles did not stay in the upper room and have church every week, keeping it to themselves and reminiscing about the good ole’ days. Throughout Jesus’ life, death, and resurrection, they were constantly challenged to die to their comfortable way of life, be that in physical terms or mentally and spiritually. Prime example: these devout Jewish men and women, under Jesus’ tutelage, ate with tax collectors and sinners, crossed cultural boundaries, and witnessed Jesus ministering to the outcasts of society..namely lepers and women deemed unclean or of questionable morals. (By the way, it takes two to tango, does it not?). Jesus didn’t see titles or offenses as the primary identifier of a person. He saw them as God had created them - people with specific identities more marvellous and beautiful than any sin could mar.

He sees us the same way. In fact, it turns out there is no such thing as us and them. It’s just us. And that’s the whole point of Jesus’ mission on earth. To bring us together and to be united with Him.

Jesus. Ohhh Jesus. Whose currency of love is uncomfortable and goes against so much of our human flesh and nature. He says,

You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be children of your Father in heaven; for he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the righteous and on the unrighteous.

-Matthew 5:43-45

It’s a verse some of us may have heard before, but how can we connect it to our real lives? If we are serious about moving from milk to meat, we’ve got to accept that we’ll have to chew. Let’s brainstorm a few ideas of where we might be like Jesus and dine with a tax collector.

1. Are there any people we’re afraid of, culturally? Think, different countries, languages, religions? Do we hold prejudice or fear? Where might God be inviting us to make friends with people we’ve been taught to be cautious of?

2. Who’s that one person who is so difficult to love? Could we buy them a coffee or send them a gift card? Love heals.

3. Are we judgemental towards anyone? Do we think of others as less than ourselves for any reason at all?

It’s important to ask God for clarity and to use discernment, but we don’t need to live in fear. Jesus is instructing us to make connections, build bridges, and where that’s not possible, to pray for blessings and peace upon those who aren’t nice to us or who clearly have it out for us. Are we willing to set our pride aside, and follow the example of our Rabbi?

For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? And if you greet only your brothers and sisters, what more are you doing than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.

-Matthew 5:46-48

God has challenged me on this so many times. Some days I feel I’m doing ok. Other days, I feel that each sunrise presents itself with a new blasted opportunity to forgive or to ask forgiveness, or to open my heart and mind, and it can be exhausting. But what is also true is,

His mercies are new every morning.

-Lamentations 3:22-23

Ultimately, I realize if the Holy Spirit can empower people to change their lives, heal the sick, speak in tongues, raise the dead, and do the impossible, then surely He can empower us to love everyone and live lives of a supernatural caliber operating under supernatural grace. We can’t do a single thing without Him, and He wouldn’t expect us to, but Jesus has invited us to follow Him, and if we spend enough time with Him, we’ll get quicker about seeing things the way He does.

Here’s the reality of the situation. If we have lived our whole lives as cultural Christians, at some point, we have to decide if we want to live as fully-activated, fully-alive Christians. For Jesus, and for the disciples, that meant living lives of radical love, and bringing with them the peace and healing that only comes from God.

In a world that is growing increasingly dark, we must answer the call to be light to the world. (Matthew 5:14-16)

We don’t need to have all the answers, but we can be people of action. If we want to follow Jesus’ model of connection and unfathomable love, we must.

Tadpoles eventually grow legs and when they do, they have to get out of the pond, breathe air, and jump on land. Some of us have learned so much over the years but we’re afraid to leave the pond. Sure, the ground may be dry and cracked from lack of water, but love will not reach the land unless we’re willing to walk on it. If we’ve got legs, we must inquire, is Jesus asking us to jump?

*Scripture referenced from the NRSV-CI

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Jesus is our supreme example. He allowed Himself to be ministered to by the angels after weeks of gruelling temptation and desolation. As I reflect on Jesus’ resurrection, He is reminding me that we’ve entered a season of life, of celebration, and a season of not having to push so hard. Am I willing to be ministered to?

Sure, there’s more work to be done for the Kingdom, and it will come, but now is a time to be filled, to recharge, and to rest. I think I’ll start by painting. How will you enter into rest?

(A page from my sketchbook - Easter 2026.)

Another must was a monstrously sized drinking vessel filled with ice so as to not shrivel like raisins in the scorching temperatures. As a child, those bottles held water. As a teenager, a 40oz styrofoam cup filled with cherry-limeade from Sonic was my constant companion. You could buy these enormous drinks for a dollar in July, and ohhh we bought them.

Some days, my mom would put me in the car and we’d play hot potato with the scalding hot belt buckles, whose bases and buckles were constructed entirely of metal. We’d drive and listen to country music as the ice clanked in our cups. I loved when we’d stop to visit her good friend, Mo, who had a pool in the yard and a rule that no one was getting in unless the thermometer inside the water read 85F/30C. She feared we’d catch cold otherwise.

On these lazy summer days, we’d sit outside eating fresh cornbread baked in cast iron skillets and drinking sweet tea out of mason jars filled to the brim with ice. The mason jars would sweat, leaving puddles wherever we placed the glass. Sometimes we’d put the jar up to our foreheads and absorb the chill.

On one of these trips, I remember listening in on the adult conversation while my mother poured her heart out to her friend as she expressed her need for more patience. Mo laughed her distinct laugh, her eyes shining as she exclaimed, “Be careful what you pray for.. God will give you more opportunities to practice!” My mother rolled her eyes and expelled air from between her lips. “Yeah,” she said, resigned.

That’s the thing about virtues. They’re hard-won. Sure, you read about saints who were virtuous from the beginning, who were miraculously sheltered from scandal, and from a young age thought only of pleasing God. I’m happy for them, but I can’t relate to them. I like a salty saint like Augustine. He said, “Lord, give me chastity and continence, but not yet.” (Confessions (Book VIII, Chapter 7)). The man was honest with God, and that’s a model for prayer I can get behind. In the end, he became a saint because he humbled himself and in doing so, fell in love with the Lord.

(A fish doodle on the wall.)

The part I’m beginning to realize is that following Christ is not only about getting to heaven. We can’t earn that part, which means, I think, our focus might be better spent in asking the Holy Spirit to transform us into people that love like Him. How do we even begin to open ourselves to that possibility?

Preacher Joyce Meyer says, “If you want to go higher in the Spirit, you have to go lower in the flesh.” In other words, humility.

Spiritually speaking, the struggle for humility is probably the most important spiritual battle we can engage in. Lucifer fell from heaven because of his pride and arrogance. He was so sure of himself, he convinced legions of angels to go to hell with him. Pride is contagious and it’s a plague we must try to extricate with exactness and precision. When a homeowner discovers mold, rooms are blocked off and hazmat suits are worn until the house is cleansed. So it is with pride. We cannot remove it by ourselves. We need grace and the help of God to become more like Him.

Thankfully, we can repent of every sin and trust completely that the God who made us also forgives us.

His mercies are new every morning.

-Lamentations 3:22-23

There is also a beautiful prayer called The Litany of Humility. It’s challenging because it goes against our natural egos and tendency for self-promotion and self-preservation. It is also one of the most rewarding and effective prayers of its kind when prayed sincerely. May I invite you to pray it with me?

The Litany of Humility

O Jesus! meek and humble of heart, Hear me.

From the desire of being esteemed… deliver me, Jesus.

From the desire of being loved… deliver me Jesus.

From the desire of being extolled … deliver me Jesus.

From the desire of being honored … deliver me Jesus.

From the desire of being praised … deliver me Jesus.

From the desire of being preferred to others… deliver me Jesus.

From the desire of being consulted … deliver me Jesus.

From the desire of being approved … deliver me Jesus.

From the fear of being humiliated … deliver me Jesus.

From the fear of being despised… deliver me Jesus.

From the fear of suffering rebukes … deliver me Jesus.

From the fear of being calumniated … deliver me Jesus.

From the fear of being forgotten … deliver me Jesus.

From the fear of being ridiculed … deliver me Jesus.

From the fear of being wronged … deliver me Jesus.

From the fear of being suspected … deliver me Jesus.

That others may be loved more than I …Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

That others may be esteemed more than I …Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

That, in the opinion of the world,

others may increase and I may decrease … Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

That others may be chosen and I set aside … Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

That others may be praised and I unnoticed ...Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

That others may be preferred to me in everything...Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

That others may become holier than I, provided that I may become as holy as I should…Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

As we enter into the final days of Holy Week, let us be encouraged that the desert wilderness is almost over. In the meantime, I’ll be drinking ice-cold tea and cornbread with honey while remembering no matter how hot it gets in the pursuit of holiness, God gives us what we need to handle the heat.

*Scripture taken from the ESV

This bugs me because I know that when Christ reigns in our hearts, we’re supposed to have peace. As the knot in my stomach calcifies, I am forced to reconcile the fact that there are areas of my life that I haven’t fully given to the Lord. There’s a common misconception when we truly come to Christ that suddenly our lives will completely transform. Our thoughts and habits will all, like magic, align with the heart of God and we’ll walk through life with the robust faith of the apostles. While St. Paul’s transformation story from murderous law-enforcer to joyful proclamateur stands out, it’s safe to say he’s likely one in a million.

While I do enjoy wallowing in self-pity, I try not to stay there. A catastrophic event gets a good solid 24 hours of my attention, complete with a tub of ice cream, a bag of chips, and a bowl of Oreos.. gluten free, of course. But then what? More than wallowing, I’m an action-item kind of girl. What are we going to do about the situation?

The quickest way to freedom is to flood the problem with scripture. Think of a glass filled with purple water. Place it under a flowing tap of fresh, clear water, and the purple doesn’t disappear immediately, but over time, the clear water will overtake the purple until the glass is full of clean, refreshing aqua pura.

To absorb everything that God has to offer us in His Word, we’ve got to be ready to dive into the deep end and become “scripture-soaked.” I’m preaching to myself today because I felt the tsunami of anxiety coming at me was gaining ground this week and the Holy Spirit reminded me.. I can keep the purple water in my glass, or I can find a tap, quick! First stop, google search verses on anxiety. Then, Philippians.

Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice. Let your gentleness be known to everyone. The Lord is near.

-Philippians 4:4-5

Real talk. When in a state, the last thing on my mind is “rejoicing.” Gentleness seems impossible when tensions are reaching fever-pitch. Yet the Holy Spirit, writing through St. Paul, instructs us to do exactly that. It must be possible, because God doesn’t ask of us anything which He’s not willing to supply the grace for. The Lord is near. We can do it because the Lord is near.

Do not worry about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.

-Philippians 4:6

In reality, I often get this one mixed up. I worry and assume because I’m thinking about a problem, God considers my rumination to be prayer. But that’s incorrect. Worry is the chewing gum of food. We masticate the flavour out of the thing yet are never nourished. Prayer is filet mignon. It’s an açai bowl. It’s fresh scallops in a garlic butter sauce. More precisely, it’s our daily bread, and what that looks like, in a practical sense, is intimate, reciprocal communication with our loving Father.

Action item #1: Pray, “God, what do you want me to know about this situation?”

We spend so much time telling God what we know and feel about the situation, but He’s got the advantage of being omnipresent and omnipotent. He knows all that there is to know, and can help us approach the situation from a place of trust, not victimhood.

And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

-Philippians 4:7

The instructions could not be more clear. Don’t worry. Pray. Ask God for what you need, but more importantly, what He wants us to know about the situation and then… peace. God literally puts up a spiritual guard around our hearts and minds to protect us from succumbing to our fears. But we have to engage in prayer, first!

Action item #2: Pray, “God, what do you want me to do?”

When we ask God what He wants us to know, we will often receive some kind of word or an idea about the situation. When we go to God with a true desire to know His thoughts, He will show up! (James 1:5)

The next step is then to ask Him what He would like us to do with this new information. It could be that we are called to continue to pray. We might be called to some tangible action or next step. If He’s told us to do something before and we haven’t done it… then we know what we need to do.

Finally, beloved, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is pleasing, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence and if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.

Keep on doing the things that you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, and the God of peace will be with you.

-Philippians 4:8-9

(A page from my sketchbook.)

The stresses of life can threaten to cast a perpetual shadow over us and plant seeds of doom in our hearts, but the scriptures are clear: Look to what is good, beautiful, and true. And think about them! God will not fail us, but will provide for our every need - and that includes our emotional, mental, and spiritual well-being. We can do hard things, and still genuinely smile because we know who’s got our backs. If thoughts of goodness and gratitude become our default, watch the Holy Spirit change us into optimists!

The tsunamis of life are always present. We can accept our fate and give in to the purple waves that threaten to fill our cups and drown our joy or we can learn to swim in fresh, peaceful water. Either way, we’re getting wet. #Scripturesoaked

*Scriptures referenced from the NRSV-CI.

I think I’ve started to ask God better questions. Not because I know how, but because He’s teaching me what to ask. My younger self was more concerned about the outcome of a prayer rather than the process, and I prayed with an attitude of angst rather than trust. What I didn’t know then, was it takes time to build trust and we have to go through some life with God before we understand how He moves in our lives, specifically. I used to let my feelings determine my walk with God. When things were going well, I was happy and felt I could trust Him. When things were going badly, I doubted His existence and wondered if He was negligent or vindictive. Tired of the tumultuous rollercoaster ride of emotions, I decided to trust Him, but it was the Word, the Bible, that convinced me. Studying the scriptures, a theme emerged, and I could see patterns in the ways God moved in people’s lives. He gave people glimpses of what their futures might hold and we see them take matters into their own hands when they determine, by their own set of standards, God isn’t moving fast enough. Drama ensues, time goes by while God uses circumstances to mold and form the hearts and minds of his children, and when maturity has been reached and characters align both in humility and in the purposes of God’s vision, the original plan plays out.

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In the book of Genesis, a man named Jacob had a son, a favourite son, to whom he gave a brightly coloured, intricately woven, long sleeved, luxurious coat. The standard dress for a shepherd was a plain sleeveless tunic, so the gift made a statement. The history of Jacob’s favouritism is a dramatic one, and I’ll write about it one day, but for now, know that this favouritism caused a brutal rift between Joseph and his brothers.

One day, God gave Joseph a dream. He saw himself ruling over his brothers while they bowed down to him. Young, unwise, and likely a little arrogant, he felt the need to share this with his brothers. Not unsurprisingly, they didn’t take his bravado well and made a decision that would affect the rest of their futures, and the future of the Israelites, forever. They threw Joseph into a pit, made it look like an animal killed him, and sold him into slavery to a group of traveling merchants.

Fast forward 22 years, Joseph is the governor of Egypt and his brothers are starving as a famine has taken hold of the land. They make their way to Egypt where there is food, encounter Joseph without knowing who he is, bow down before him and pay him respect. We see them bow in three places in the text, but the most dramatic is after their father’s death.

Then his brothers also wept, fell down before him, and said, “We are here as your slaves.” But Joseph said to them, “Do not be afraid! Am I in the place of God?”

-Genesis 50:18-19

Several things to note here. In the initial scene when Joseph tells them his dream, he makes no mention of God. Secondly, we see that the dream has been fulfilled but on a greater scale than anyone could have imagined. This shepherd boy became the most powerful man in the land after the Pharaoh and held the power of life and death in his hands. Thirdly, we see that Joseph has been humbled over 22 years of struggle, misunderstanding, and good old fashion lessons in humility. He now credits God as the most high.

In my own life, I’ve taken the reins more times than I care to admit. God shows me a glimpse of what’s to come, and suddenly I’m the CEO of my life, calling the shots. I like to take action because I like being in motion, but I’ve learned the hard way that often, more ground is taken standing still and waiting on the Lord.

When I realized the role art played in my life as a supreme means of joy and expression, I began to envision art as a mainstay in my life. I started taking classes and dedicating a few hours a day to practicing. I was building up momentum, and dreaming of the future. By this time in my walk with God, I knew that if God wanted something, He would make it happen, and I seemed to have every opportunity available to grow in this pursuit. I learned a new ink resist technique that felt like a spiritual breakthrough and was eager to share it with the world. Not long after, I decided I was going to dedicate all of my time to the study and practice of art, open a shop, become a successful traveling artist, and prove everyone wrong who said that art wasn’t a legit way to earn an income. As soon as I made this inner declaration, the Lord closed every door where art was concerned. Suddenly, I had no time to paint and I knew He was behind it. Frustrated, I asked the Lord why He’d done this.

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Much as I hate to admit it, art had become an idol. It consumed my thoughts and I had no intention of using this medium to share the gospel. As a worship leader at church, I’d surrendered to His will in that arena, and if I’m being honest, I wanted art to be “my thing.” I did not yet realize that when we really commit to walk with Jesus, our lives don’t get to be segregated anymore. We don’t put church over on this side, and work over there, and hang out with our friends on this other side. True discipleship to Jesus means allowing Him equal access to every part of our lives. We cannot live a fragmented reality where we pull Jesus out when we need Him or feel like it’s the right place for Him to be. We can’t be ashamed to be seen with Him and expect Him to work miracles in our lives. We’re either followers who sit on a hill, eat the miraculous bread and listen to parables, or we’re disciples who are taken into Jesus’ inner circle, given understanding and a mission to fulfill.

Well, I felt Jesus look at me as if to say, “Are you all in? Or are you content to stay on this hill and eat bread?”

The next couple of years went by without art. I facilitated space for my children to create, but beyond a scribble here and there with my toddlers, I grieved as this thing I loved seemed out of reach. In this time, God showed me that I needed to repent for placing art above Him. I hadn’t done it on purpose, but He showed me that when we fill ourselves up with art, food, relationships, sports, screens, etc. before allowing Him to fill us up first, things can go sideways. So, I learned that He took art away, not to punish me, but to redirect my heart back to Him. This is a lesson He’s constantly having to teach me and I’m so thankful for His gentle patience.

Last year, I was asked to take part in a community event where artists, poets, and musicians came together to present work on a certain topic. The theme for this event was forgiveness, and I worked for weeks trying to write an original song. Every time I tried to write, I got interrupted and a friend suggested that maybe God wanted me to do something else.

I prayed. “God, what do you want me to do? How do you want me to look at this situation?” And like a fresh, cool breeze, He brought into my mind’s eye that ink resist technique I’d learned years before. Eyes wide, I clarified, “Are you asking me to paint??”

It became clear He was inviting me back into art. The event occurred a few days after my birthday and that week I’d received two generous gift cards to two different art stores. If I needed confirmation, He let me know He was opening doors again.

Using watercolour and India ink, I shared a message of forgiveness and the gospel of Jesus to a group of beautiful people from all backgrounds. I did it with shaking hands and begged Him to help me because for this public debut, I’d learned that while making the art brought me joy, the purpose of all that we do is to bring glory to God.

For as it says in the scriptures,

…for in him all things in heaven and on earth were created, things visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or powers—all things have been created through him and for him.

-Colossians 1:16

As we endeavour to realize our dreams, I pray that we allow Him to direct our hearts and our paths so that whatever we do and whatever we create, we do it for Him.

*Biblical text comes from the NRSV-CI

We think, I’m not Moses… or.. I’m not Peter…

I imagine Peter probably played that same line in his mind. “I’m not Moses..I’m not Elijah..” And yet! Jesus called him, forgave Him, transformed him, trained him, and gave him a mission-oriented Kingdom assignment. He was chosen, he belonged, and was full of purpose.

We see this pattern in Scripture again and again. Jesus invites a person into a new life, they accept and their life looks completely different than before. It’s possible that many, both in and out of the church, remain in a sort of spiritual limbo because the idea of radical transformation scares people. For me, I’d had enough. I didn’t know what I was missing because I wasn’t hearing this message from anyone around me, but I could not figure out why I was so “Catholic” and yet so miserable. Maybe it was my faith tradition’s affinity for equating suffering with holiness, but I couldn’t figure out how the saints, some of whom suffered incredible pain, managed to either hide their suffering from others, or to exist in a seemingly immovable state of joy. Digging through the Scriptures and listening to wise preachers, I discovered the root of my miserable plight… I’d grown comfortable with my condition and had an insatiable need to complain. Like a bird song from hell, I recited my grievances, on repeat, until my heart was worn down and cynical. Thankfully, Jesus gave me a new one (Ezekiel 36:26).

(A cheerful scene from my sketchbook.)

It wasn’t until I heard the story of the paralyzed man by the pool that I realized I was more responsible for my misery than I’d previously thought. Like the man whom Jesus encountered, I knew how to blame everyone, but didn’t take responsibility for the part I’d played in my life. After studying this scripture, I felt the Holy Spirit leading me into new life, and while I can’t say I never complain, it happens less.

Healing begins with the presence of the Holy Spirit and being fed by the Word. Let’s take a little dip into the pool of Scripture to see how this story unfolds.

After this there was a festival of the Jews, and Jesus went up to Jerusalem. Now in Jerusalem by the Sheep Gate there is a pool, called in Hebrew Beth-zatha, which has five porticoes. In these lay many invalids—blind, lame, and paralyzed. One man was there who had been ill for thirty-eight years.

-John 5:1-5

Here, we are introduced to the man. We do not know why exactly he was ill, but as we will find out, he is unable to walk.

When Jesus saw him lying there and knew that he had been there a long time, he said to him, “Do you want to be made well?” The sick man answered him, “Sir, I have no one to put me into the pool when the water is stirred up; and while I am making my way, someone else steps down ahead of me.”

-John 5:6-7

If there is a moment to put the popcorn down and pay attention, this is it. Jesus is demonstrating how He initiates a conversation with us, and how to approach those we may be trying to help. He doesn’t assume this man wants to be healed, even though the man is strategically placed near the healing waters. He doesn’t come in all rescuer-like. He engages the man in a conversation. “Do you want to be made well?” In response, the man doesn’t answer in the affirmative. He tells Jesus about his circumstances. It’s probably fair to say he feels defeated by his long suffering, but he’s so lost in his litany of grievances, he doesn’t notice the Hope that stands before him.

Jesus said to him, “Stand up, take your mat and walk.” At once the man was made well, and he took up his mat and began to walk. Now that day was a sabbath.

-John 5:8-9

Jesus is compassionate and doesn’t require perfection of the man before acting. Jesus, Himself, does the transforming and gives the formerly paralyzed man instructions to stand up, take his mat, and walk. Incredible faith is required by the man at this stage. Up until now, he has received zero evidence that his legs will work properly. Maybe his muscles suddenly became strong and he felt blood pulse through his limbs. We don’t know. What we do know, is he chose to believe Jesus, and he did what he was instructed to do.

This might be a little hard to take, but it’s a question worth considering. Have we asked God to heal us and been given a “next step” or instruction and ignored it? So many times we may ask God a question and an idea or something pops into our mind and we doubt its source, completely ignore it, and wonder why we’re still sitting there, dejected and full of self-pity. Before you feel too called out, it has to be said - I’m also preaching to myself. My husband is an eternal optimist. I tend to catastrophize. It’s good to be reminded that sometimes we get in the way when God is trying to take us higher.

The next part of the story floors me! There will always be someone who is not excited for us when we heal and become more whole. Our lives start to look different. We may behave in a new way. We may respond differently to situations. And there are always those who reject healing for themselves and want us to stay down low with them. Look at this..

So the Jews said to the man who had been cured, “It is the sabbath; it is not lawful for you to carry your mat.” But he answered them, “The man who made me well said to me, ‘Take up your mat and walk.’ ” They asked him, “Who is the man who said to you, ‘Take it up and walk’?” Now the man who had been healed did not know who it was, for Jesus had disappeared in the crowd that was there.”

-John 5:10-13

Can you believe it? Instead of being elated for this man who was obviously a mainstay and well-known in the place for the last 38 years, the people offer a legalistic objection. It’s as if they say, never mind that you’ve been an invalid longer than I’ve been alive, how dare you pick up your mat! The gall. And yet, as Christians, we find our hope and identity in Christ, and are therefore encouraged to ignore the crusty attacks of anyone, Christian or not, who comes against us. Especially if we’re doing what Jesus, Himself, has instructed us to do. Capeesh?

Later Jesus found him in the temple and said to him, “See, you have been made well! Do not sin any more, so that nothing worse happens to you.”

-John 5:14

An incredible statement from Jesus, and in full alignment with His character, He shows His concern for the state of the man’s heart and soul. In many places throughout the scriptures when Jesus heals or protects a person, He both forgives and instructs them not to sin again. (John 8:3-11; Luke 5:17-24) In the case of this man, Jesus knows what caused this man’s paralysis. It is implied that his sinful choices caused the infirmity. It cannot be said that every illness is caused by sin. It only seems to be the case in this particular narrative. This is why talking to Jesus is so crucial. He speaks to us in ways that only make sense to us. What He specifically says to one person may not perfectly apply to someone else. We cannot ride on the faith of others, because each and every one of us is meant to communicate with God, personally. THAT is good news, and while it may seem an impossible feat for some, hang on tight. God promises to come to anyone who seeks Him. (Matthew 7:7-8)

I also want to acknowledge that there are some reading this who may be experiencing chronic pain and/or disability. I have an overwhelming sense that God is close to you in a special way, especially if you are suffering with and for Jesus. The rewards and ripple effect of what you offer to Christ are significant and vast.

The most incredible discovery on this road to Jesus has been the healing and freedom He makes available to us. This is not hyperbole. It is not reserved exclusively for Moses, Elijah, or Peter. This reality is open to anyone who comes to Christ with faith and a willingness to live differently than they lived before. If you’ve been waiting by the pool, how will you answer the question, “Do you want to be made well?”

*All scriptures referenced from the NRSV-CI

“..take captive every thought to obey Christ.”

-2 Corinthians 10:5

To have a thought does not mean we need to accept the thought as our own. We are under no obligation to own it, ruminate over it, reproduce it, or bring it life. We have the power to choose which thoughts are allowed to live in our minds and the authority to grab the mean ones by the collar and show them the door. Let me be clear. There is a war going on in the spiritual realm for our minds and hearts. The phrase, “spiritual warfare,” may be a new term for some, but it is a reality as old as creation. It is the primordial battle between good and evil.

(A page from my sketchbook.)

When God created Adam and Eve, He gave them authority and dominion over the earth. Their motives were pure and untainted. Greed did not exist in their hearts, only love, until one day the serpent approached Eve.

Now the serpent was more subtle than any other wild creature that the Lord God had made.

-Genesis 3:1

Before we can continue to the second part of verse 1, we need to take stock quickly of who and what Eve is confronted with. The beginning of her fall was not dramatic. It wasn’t loud, demonstrative, or flashy. Her fall began with the introduction of a subtle thought.

He said to the woman, “Did God say, ‘You shall not eat of any tree of the garden?’”

-Genesis 3:1

The serpent knew very well the boundaries of God. The serpent was Lucifer, the devil, who was, and is, a fallen angel. Angels have perfect intelligence. They have an ability to see things as they are, unlike humans who have limited sight and understanding, spiritually speaking. He phrased the sentence like this in order to confuse her and cause her to question the goodness of God. The connotation in his tone was, “God’s holding back from you.. maybe he doesn’t love you after all.”

Eve attempts to defend her position. What she didn’t realize was the snake was beneath a response. She did not need to defend herself.

The woman said to the serpent, “We may eat of the fruit of the trees in the garden; but God said, ‘You shall not eat of the fruit of the tree that is in the middle of the garden, nor shall you touch it, or you shall die.’ ”

But the serpent said to the woman, “You will not die; for God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.” So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was to be desired to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate; and she also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate.

Then the eyes of both were opened, and they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together and made loincloths for themselves.

-Genesis 3:2-7

Eve’s fatal mistake was engaging in conversation with the deceiver. She did what so many of us do. She engaged with a destructive thought, chewed on it, gave it a room in her house, and ended up feeling confused, vulnerable, exposed, and separated from the protection of God. For us, in one sense, it’s not our fault. When we are tired, we are more easily influenced and distracted. As we grow in maturity and learn to call on the Holy Spirit to be with us, it becomes easier to discern which thoughts are of God and which thoughts are not. When we are in the Scriptures, we learn to recognize the voice of God, who loves us, and builds us up. If we have a thought that makes us feel shame or we feel we don’t measure up, 10/10 this is not the voice of God.

Discipline yourselves, keep alert. Like a roaring lion your adversary the devil prowls around, looking for someone to devour.

- 1 Peter 5:8

There is a hazardous temptation to question the presence, or even the existence, of God when we face hardships. Life’s circumstances can crush us. Sometimes, we make a series of decisions that lead to natural consequences and then blame God for our misfortune. Thoughts of unworthiness, anger, and desperation break through the doors of peace and take root, if we let them. An intrusive thought does not belong to us anymore than an intruder belongs in our house. If a thief breaks in, we don’t ask him to take off his shoes and settle in. We kick him out!

We need God’s protection and intervention, and if we call on Him humbly, He will help us. That prayer looks less like, “Hey God, where are you!?” and more like, “Lord, I need you, please help me.” It’s easy to assume that God is whatever version we’ve made Him to be, and to experience disappointment when He doesn’t meet our expectations. It’s an explosion of the senses when we seek Him as He truly is and He reveals Himself as present, powerful, and patient.

When fear and doubt creep in, having a deep well of scriptures from which to draw is crucial. Sometimes we feel God’s presence. Other times we must rely on what we know to be true from the Scriptures.

I will never leave you nor forsake you.

-Hebrews 13:5

This is how we take every thought captive and make it obedient to Christ. Do my thoughts agree with what God says? That’s the discernment tool. You might say, “Yeah, but I don’t know enough scripture to know what God says.” Not a problem! Use your device and search.

• What does the Bible say about God’s love for me?

• Bible verses to combat anxiety.

• What does the Bible say about forgiveness?

It takes some effort to become Scripture-soaked but the rewards are substantial. In Spanish, “it’s worth it,” translates as “vale la pena,” or literally.. It’s worth the pain.

God gave Adam and Eve dominion over the land and over themselves. Through Jesus’ sacrifice, we are restored, which means, we have authority and dominion over the thoughts that enter our minds. In the name of Jesus, take captive every thought, and walk in the freedom He died to give us.