i held my hands out
offering myself
to the morning song
awake with all the others,
closed my eyes
and whispered to the world

i am beautiful
i am brilliant
i am worthy
thank you.

and then the sun rose
and the day began

is it the same as westward expansion?
is it the same as the need to see the stars up close?

what will happen to me
if i choose to sit still
to wrap myself
in the tall
untouched grass
beneath the lemon tree
and count the yellow ones

I pray
but where does it go
does it ever reach someone or something
or does it go on and on
i like to think
it goes so far out into the sky
that it digs itself up
out of the ground
and blooms
stretching itself up into the sun
i’ve kneeled in the grass
i’ve felt the wet earth
bleed through the knees of my jeans
there’s the jolt again

what is this body
it doesn’t feel like mine anymore
was it ever
once lean and strong
upright and tolerant
like the grass
built for building
where i am now
i’ve been before
isn’t it funny how
everything waits to be filled
again and again
and again

there’s times when i have too much
and it gnaws at me
chewing at the thick leather of my skin
it weathers me
makes me feel older than i am
these youthful and spry
yet cracked hands
filled with wishful thinking
i don’t want to die here
i can’t die here
there’s that jolt again
when time rushes over me
and fills me
it floods me
and i rise
floating on nothing but a prayer

there i see you.

i remember watching you fly a kite
running across the beach
with a smile
as big as you are
screaming
as if
the volumes of joy alone
could give it flight

and it did…

what bulls run in your head
and stomp at your heart

my one believer
can i ask

are they still pulling you forward
or have they turned against you
pounding the ground
violently pursuing
like a shotgun blast
downwards again and again
emptying their chamber
what is your pain?

don’t worry
the earth can take it
pound some more
thrash wide open
and sink into the mud of tired and tried
within is the best place to start

my one believer
can i ask

do the bulls rest on your shoulders
how heavy are they now
here’s a secret
tie them to the wings of a hummingbird
see how easily they can be carried away
into the morning

you should see the sunrise from the clouds

love who
love when
love where
till the end

love you
love me
love everything
i see

love flat
love round
love up
love down

love big
love small
love short
love tall

love is simple… that’s all

love fast
love slow
LOVE NOW
let’s go!

what you love comes back
ten folds in fact

a million times more
than any bought from the store

so keep it on
not off

love can be hard
love can be soft

it’s crystal clear
it stares back at you in the mirror

love laughs and cries
struggles and tries

it makes its way
through every day

because your love is you
it’s special and true

it deserves it all
winter, spring, summer, and fall

it comes in every color
it comes in every size

it comes when nothing
seems to come at all…

but remember
it’s always there
quietly tucked away
remember to tell someone
you love them today.

I am not a poet
this is not a poem
this is a war cry
broken in two
greased with sweaty palms
and sticky fingers
melting down a forearm
lick it up
quick
don’t waste it

I am not a poet
this is not a poem
this is wrung dry
whipped out and hung
clipped to the wind
the soft toes
grazing the once grazed
how far can you run?
faster
barefooted now

I am not a poet
this is not a poem
this is warm mud
earthy
earthness
whole and hearty
grass caked deep in the knees
an allowance
bare roots and lost leaves
never forget
standing still like a tall tree

this is morning

I am not a poet
this is not a poem
do you understand me?

- Poet

we carried her to the lemon tree
behind the garage
and buried her beneath
the citrus shade
we put her back
to the start of things
but how?
but why?
is there an answer for beginning again?

we thanked her for being a bird

i’m something else

i’m the free form

taking shaping of what’s left of us

love chokes me

love steals the breath from my lungs

love hurts me

love is a dark day with no sun

it spits and spreads

it’s a disease and I’m already dead

love is the shit on the bottom of my shoe

dragged across your perfect little room

love isn’t for me

it’s for you

fuck you

i say in this dark dimmed room

fuck you i scream from the top of my lungs

fuck you i scream to be heard by none

fuck you, fuck you, fuck you

i scream and i scream

till the echoes of my heart

crack through my chest

i gasp

a sliver of light

the palm of my hand

pressed against the curves of your breasts

the world spins just for you

from limes to lemons to oranges

i know now

i’m a grapefruit

i’m hanging on this limb desperate to live

but the weight of myself

is too much to give

i close my eyes

and risk it all

i let go of myself

and i fall