Since it’s Leo season (for just one more day!) I’ve been thinking about this question I earnestly don’t know the answer to. What is a reasonable amount of talking about yourself?

Leo gets pinned as the archetype that is performative and demands attention from an audience (what’s wrong with that? 😂 says my Leo Mercury). I’m a pretty social person, an extrovert even and i do like to yap. But to be honest I don’t really know what amount of talking about myself is too much? My Leo mercury doesn’t show up like a dramatic character from a reality show like the memes might suggest. It definitely has more awareness of the other person and their experience.

But I also don’t know what people want to know about me if they don’t ask something specific (and sometimes maybe they don’t know what specifically to ask). So freely sharing information feels unclear. Like if I run into someone i know and they ask how I’m doing, I say I’m good but I don’t know what else to say? What do people say? Things they are doing? Work related stuff? Kid related stuff? I think I need a more pointed question! Or else my parts are scanning for the most exotic or intriguing thing to share, (which most of the time is like I got 8 hours of sleep and i went to a hard pilates class and didn’t throw up?) or they revert to a familiar pattern of saying an easy thing that isn’t too charged that the other person can tolerate.

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I realize it sounds like I’m positioning my identity in relation to the other but it’s not that I want to give the other what they are asking for, I’m not trying to be what the other wants me to be. I just don’t want to share something with someone if they aren’t interested in knowing me. My parts don’t want to express if there’s no place to land. I need some mirroring. I also know there are myriad things i could talk about and I’m unsure what bucket to pull from. (Maybe my ADHD)

Yet somehow, especially when I meet random strangers, I always have a way of saying exactly the right piece of information that seems to connect us because I’m following my intuition and I’m not just guessing what I think the other person would have a positive response to.

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In conversation I think my parts put in a lot of effort to create an interesting and productive experience for everyone involved, often looking for the bridge that could connect us, and this involves asking a lot of questions and scanning for what I need to share that is relevant to the topic or the person in order to move us forward.

That feels similar to the therapeutic dynamic of scanning and listening for bridges and connections to make meaning in the psyche. Because of the profession I chose, I spend a lot of my time listening to other people and not talking about myself, making it even more unclear how much is a reasonable amount of talking about myself.

One of my trainers used the acronym WAIT: Why Am I Talking? as a way for therapists to reflect on what is going on inside of them in a moment when maybe a part is taking over and maybe it is talking too much. Does this need to be said?

If you were also raised in the midwest maybe you also have a part that believes it’s rude to talk about yourself too much? and a part that carries a fear that no one wants to be around the person that just talks about themself and doesn’t know when to stop/have situational awareness.

I have a part that is worried that other parts, if unchecked, could take over and be incredibly self-absorbed and push people away if I talk about myself too much. So for a lot of my life I I kept personal things private and only shared my inner world with a trusted few. Even if people wanted to know more about me I’d wait for the invitation to share. I think as I moved through my 30s I moved through most of the fear of pushing people away or taking up too much air time, and the fear of being perceived as self-absorbed, but I’m still craving to be seen and known.

To be knooown, how incredibly hot is it when someone is interested in getting to know you!?? I mean truly getting to know you by listening to what you’re saying by asking beautiful questions that have depth and relevance? Or when someone remembers something about you? And asks a follow up question?! Fucking mind-blowing right? (Air sign Venus’s amiright) that dynamic doesn’t have to just be in the therapy room, this can exist amongst us!

It kinda feels like in our post-pandemic craving for connection and being seen by others we can forget to include the other person. It’s not just a one-sided share. But social media has set us up for that, and I have a hunch it’s not going to lead to feeling more identification with empowerment or the satisfaction of being seen but instead feeling less known and more isolated. Farther from authenticity.

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When you share something with someone and they don’t ask a follow up question-when the conversation moves on, or they respond with their own story, or there’s silence it seems some parts in the body register that as being too much. But what if it’s not too much, and what if what actually happened is much smaller and less personal, like the other person didn’t know what to ask?

I am not sure if most people are withholding curiosity or if they just haven’t developed a reflex for it yet?

Asking questions and tracking what other people say is a skill, noticing what is unresolved or even being interested in it requires slowing down instead of pivoting back to what is familiar. None of that is rejection it’s just conversational undertraining.

But often parts pick up on subtle hints and queues from another person’s conversational habits and create a story that turns into a belief. Parts can begin to self-monitor based on false signals, like silence, a topic change, a lack of follow up but none of these actually tell you anything about whether it’s too much. Parts can come to the conclusion that the response from the other is disapproval when it actually could just be fear of intrusion that the other person holds.

But waiting for a permission slip to keep talking may result in waiting for signals that will never arrive.

I think it call comes back to Self, self-awareness aka parts-awareness, and some relational awareness as you’re including the other.

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The old burden that “no one wants to hear what I have to say” has been released and replaced with “it’s ok to share more of myself with others”, and “i can handle however others respond to me” because I now have enough access to Self energy to be able to be with all my parts that have feelings and fears of rejection.

Psychoanalyst D.W. Winnicott said “it is joy to be hidden and disaster not to be found.”

My 12th House Cancer sun is like happily chillin with the ghosts and ancestors while my 1st house Leo stellium is like ok let’s write a memoir because I’m obsessed with myself but also also because self-expression as a form of self-love is a spiritual practice.

In Body Work author Melissa Febos writes, “Navel-gazing is not for the faint of heart. The risk of honest self-appraisal requires bravery. To place our flawed selves in the context of this magnificent, broken world is the opposite of narcissism, which is building a self-image that pleases you.”

Back to my original question, how much talking about yourself is too much? If an invitation doesn’t arrive, how then do I know what to share? WAIT, or why am i talking? Get curious about what or who inside needs to share, and what feels important about sharing that? This feels like an ongoing inquiry for me at least, playing with sharing more random bits of information with less preoccupation over how it lands. No matter how much one of my parts is convinced I’m une comedienne trying out material to see how many laughs we get. It doesn’t matter.

Share the thing that feels alive. Because waiting for an invitation is its own kind of hiding. Leo isn’t just asking “look at me!” it’s asking to “come find out who I actually am”, from a vulnerable place that depends on someone else showing up with curiosity, but also knowing that you will be ok in whatever that follows.

A few more things:

Have you checked out the pod yet?

Parts & Charts

40: "Nobody Is Coming to Save Us" - Pluto, Presence, Somatic Parts Work with Astrologer and Filmmaker Paton Ashbrook

Be sure to subscribe here on Substack and follow — available on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and wherever you get your podcasts…

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18 days ago · 4 likes · Chelsea Owens, KP Kaszubowski, and Paton Ashbrook

For those applying to grad programs in counseling:

I pulled together a deeeeeep dive into all the practical elements of this decision, for the price of a cute cafe lunch ($25) — follow this link: https://chelseawow.gumroad.com/l/bfbiau

Oracle deck, Outer Realms for Inner Archives :

a collage deck shaped by exactly this work, made the way I make images of my own parts. Pre-orders coming; this email sign-up form gets you deck news only, nothing else. → subscribe here

Stay tuned for a possible in person offering in LA in October!!! 🌞

I was supposed to be a Leo sun, but my mom picked a day that “worked better” (aka earlier) for a C-section which fell on a Thursday, a new moon, in Cancer season instead. My older brother is also a Cancer and my twin step siblings birthday is a day after my brother. I’ve had a surprising number of female Cancerian friends, and every few months I meet one of my birthday twins in random places.

I guess astrologers would say I was “supposed” to be a Cancer since that is where the sun was when I took my first breath. But I have to admit I’ve been leaning into a lot more of my Leo energy lately, since the sun is my chart ruler, and Leo has a lot more rizzz. I’ve been neglecting my Cancerian identity lately, not because I’m rejecting it but because I’m not that intrigued by that many interpretations of the archetype I see online. Cancer has become so synonymous with domesticity it’s almost indistinguishable from the conditioning we’ve all been programmed to see it as. Nurturing, caring, dependable, mother, homebody.

Beyond the crybaby stereotype, I think Cancers are the most deep feeling, connected, sensitive creatures but most of the time you’d never know it. As a Cancer sun, (and Mars! Conjunct my sun same degree!) I’m pretty bored with all the same internet noise that I see every cancer season. The Cancer archetype gets so flattened online. like: it’s cancer season get ready cry! Bathing in my own tears!! Get your tissues! Blah blah blah. It’s reductive. It’s lazy.

Cancers are probably crying because we’re busy taking care of everyone and everything. Sometimes because we’re asked to, sometimes because we’re not asked to, and sometimes because no one else is so I guess I have to step in!?!? Cancer is crying because somewhere along the way she became a caged, domestic animal forced to relinquish her wild identity to belong to her children or partner.

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Cancer is the protector of the emotional ecosystem

.

Yes, Cancer is a water sign. Yes, she feels deeply. But emotional depth isn’t synonymous with emotional instability. let’s cut that right out!!!

Cancer doesn’t just feel emotions—it remembers them.

Cancers tracks emotional patterns over time, noticing subtle shifts in safety, belonging, trust, and attachment. We store emotional memory in a way that allows us to anticipate needs before they’re spoken.

It’s called intuition. 🤣

It’s the place that governs our first experiences of attachment, being held, soothed, rejected or forgotten. That’s the architecture of home. The place your nervous system recognizes as safe enough to breathe.

Caretaking isn’t always love.

Another thing that gets oversimplified is that Cancer is endlessly nurturing.

I’ve learned through therapy and especially IFS work that caretaking is usually coming from a part.

Sure, self energy has a ‘care’ element to it, the feeling of unconditional presence that can feel like “I care about you, but I’m unattached to an agenda or outcome of what happens” I.e I’m not going to try to make you feel better so that I feel better. A challenging burden for many Cancers to carry in their lifetime is that providing nourishment often feels necessary because love feels conditional.

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Many people with strong Cancer placements learned very early that being needed was safer than having needs. It becomes how we are valued and what people come to expect from us.

But like I said caretaking and caregiving are very different energies.

One comes from abundance.

The other comes from survival.

Cancer remembers what everyone else forgot.

Not just packing the snacks or the hand wipes or that random thing that you might need later on. Cancer has one of the longest emotional memories of any archetype.

Not because it wants revenge. (Ok parts of me have definitely thought about it in the past)

Because memory creates safety.

Parts carry these memories to constantly scan surroundings to see has this happened before? Can I trust this? Do I need to enact my shell? 🐚

The Shell matters.

Cancer understands that softness without boundaries becomes injury. The shell isn’t emotional avoidance.

It’s discernment, because not everyone deserves unrestricted access to your inner world. And I think that is why Cancers can appear like the loony life of the party while feeling overwhelming loneliness and despair but you’d never know.

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Hopefully in a healthy system the gift in remembering is wisdom not fear.

The parts that are still living in haunted homes with memories that keep you feeling terrified and closed off need some tenderness and understanding. They don’t have to stay that way forever.

The most evolved Cancer energy isn’t emotional.

It’s emotionally intelligent. It knows that feelings carry information without always requiring action. It understands that true care sometimes looks like saying no.

It knows how to let others have have their own emotions. That’s a hard one for a lot of us. But I need to leave space for others to grow and learn even if it comes through strife (that I saw coming).

Another trip around the Sun

So continuing this Cancerian retrospective, what have I learned in the past being 40, you’re wondering?

I learned being 40 is pretty great. I feel a lot of vitality, endless energy in my ability to excavate the unconscious, and track emotional landscapes. Endless buckets of creative energy. Always carrying my watercolors. I feel blessed with beautiful relationships, wonderful people who love me, entertaining myself everyday with something new and fascinating. Showing myself what’s possible, always wanting the best for myself. I’m rather proud of the 40 year old I’ve become. As cheesy as it is, I really do like myself and I’m excited for another solar return and the year ahead because it just keeps getting better. 🦀💦🌈

Summer: off to a good start. I’m writing this with a hangover from how much girlhood fun I had in the last week. My co-host and colleague came to visit for our team offsite (lol) also kind of an onsite since she joked that I Sweet November’d her.1 staying at my house in a kind of Leo rising training program. My bootcamp involves going outside, making art, lollygagging, coffee with neighbors, not rushing, soaking up the sun, taking lots of Polaroids in a swamp photo shoot etc. inevitably arriving at the realization to spend less time on the internet and more time in the garden as a path to abundant living.

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We did all our favorite things, and we actually didn’t talk business in the muggle sense but in the spiritual sense (candle magic and other rituals haha). We hosted a sweet in-person arts & parts & charts workshop and witnessed folks engaging in creativity and connection, sharing their pieces and their process.

I obviously love holding space to witness people’s creativity in action, in a therapeutic container or otherwise, and it’s evident that the creative act is healing. Most writing on the subject in popular culture or in academia, restates the creative act is cathartic,reduces stress,it’s good for you etc, all true but not necessarily revolutionary ideas.

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But to me the creative act also restores authorship,by bypassing language. Often what brings people to therapy or to seek healing, is the felt sense of being subject to their lives rather than the author of them. “Life is happening to me”.

Making something, even something small, even something “not good”, interrupts that. You made a choice. Something exists that didn’t before. That’s not metaphorically healing, it’s structurally healing.

Most formative experiences often predate or exceed language. Collage, movement, watercolor, sound — these access material that words can’t reach.

This is the whole clinical argument for expressive arts, but it’s also personally true: sometimes you make something and look at it and think oh, that’s what was happening in me.

I notice in art groups when people are asked to share, sometimes it seems difficult to “explain” a piece of art made, aside from technical, procedural decisions. Often folks will say things like “I don’t know i just used that color or made that line because I liked the way it looked”, perhaps it felt intuitive or unconscious but when we dig a little deeper it could be related to some internal material they didn’t even know about.

The more you get used to looking at your artwork and engaging in some kind of self inquiry the more natural the process of expressing your internal system through art becomes.

Making is an act of self-trust. You follow an impulse, you don’t know where it’s going, you let it arrive somewhere. That’s a form of trusting yourself that most of us aren’t taught.

Last week I took my friend to a poetry workshop at the Golden Sardine, a wine and poetry bar in north beach. When asked why we came to the workshop I said “I brought my poet friend who is visiting” and she said “I came to be hot”. 🥵 (and she was!)

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She also sent me a post about how there’s a vibe shift in the wellness world with healers right now, as they are moving away from the IG content we’re all a little tired of- like “join my 8 week container to heal this and that and keep working on yourself because you’re still not good enough” type of stuff. That market has been so saturated we’re almost desensitized to healing language. Its seems like folks are burned out on discourse and the heaviness of the world and trying to heal it all and they just want to grow a rose bush in their backyard and hangout. A lot of healers just want to make art instead of trying to market themselves or sell a program all the time.

I’ve also been noticing the vibe in the collective happening now too that’s like people just want to be hot and make art and hangout. I definitely feel it, but I have a Leo stellium so 😂.

KP said this sounds like Neptune in Aries. It’s Just Do It (Nike) energy. I’m no astrologer but Neptune the planet of dissolving whatever it is in, moved from Pisces into Aries this year (and will stay in Aries for about 14 years). Neptune hates arguments and logos; he wants image, feeling and resonance. And Aries is the sign that acts before it thinks, so Neptune in Aries isn’t the mystic healer in the cave it’s the mystic who picks up the paint brush and paints for no reason. Making something because the hands want to move not because of a need to advance anything.

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This also explains why I’ve been sportsmaxxing HARD this spring. I’ve been watching so much basketball (Knicks in 5 lol) and soccer (World Cup), sometimes even alone at home (!) which is unusual for me. The overlap of sports and arts people feels limited, folks are usually in one camp without crossing over much. I will watch sports games with other people or if it’s a special event but never do I watch alone at home because I usually don’t care enough.

I play in both worlds though, I’m a sports witch cowboy artist. I’ve been a sporty spice since I was a kid (Mars was at the same degree as my Sun when I was born, more on Mars later) I love playing sports and seeing what my body can do but I’m surprised how much i need the adrenaline rush of watching a game to feel alive right now. I think what’s deeper is that I just need to see collective joy and celebration. and one of the most common or acceptable expressions of that in our culture is sports.

Why am I crying at videos of New Yorkers dancing in the streets about a basketball win? I’m not even a New Yorker! Why am i crying at videos of residents of Lawrence, Kansas embracing the Algerian soccer team by learning about their culture, food and music? Why did I spend 2 hours scrolling videos of Japanese soccer fans trying Texas BBQ for the first time, or Korean fans kissing Mexican fans, or Jordan fans experiencing their team in the World Cup for the first time.

It’s thrilling. Or is it just Aries? Just Do It? Aries is ruled by the planet Mars and he’s all about sports and “doing”.

One of my painting teachers once said “painting is athletic”. He was a very masculine hetero boomer-aged man who was successful so it seemed believable. He was also working on a canvas he built that was about 6 feet by 8 feet so the act of covering that much canvas definitely required athleticism, stamina and upper body strength.

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To me, art creation is as robust as hitting a ball. It requires skill and aim without the perfection2, precision or pressure for outcome as hitting a ball into a net. Just as thrilling. I want to use my whole body to paint, I want my muscles to be sore like I just went to Pilates, I want my quads to quake when I sit down and my core to ache! Art is athletic. This isn’t a time for calm, calculated art making or sitting at the art table alone. It’s a time for your biceps to get f*ing shredded from all the reps you’re doing with your size 50 hogs hair paintbrush on your 6 foot canvas!

I feel hottest when I’m creating, when I see what I can do, it’s amazing.

Get out there and create some art!

Summer is also a time to get together with people, to find your collaborators. Have a dinner party and ask everyone what projects they’re working on. Read each other’s work. Come up with new ideas for things you can paint in your sketchbook. Bring your sketchbook on your vacation and draw what you see or hear. Go to SFMOMA. Have a polaroid photo shoot in the park with your friend. Play tennis! Buy a $15 red sequin skirt at the thrift store for no reason. Eat some peaches. Write a poem about it. Watch Sweet November. Go to the river. Swim in alpine lakes. Fall in love!!!! 💕

ok babes enjoy the beginning of summer!

Hey friends!

We’re hosting an art + astrology workshop on the Solstice June 21st!

**Arts & Parts & Charts: The Sun and The Moon**

An Experiential Parts Work and Astrology Creative Workshop

🌞 here is the link to sign up 🌞

A 3-hour arts workshop in SF: meet your Sun and Moon through guided meditation, then render them in watercolor and collage.

My podcast co-host KP Kaszubowski (poet, filmaker, astrologer) will be visiting us in person! What a treat to learn astro tips from her in person.

Sunday, June 21 — Solstice Weekend

3 hours • Birdhouse Gallery

2548 Judah (31st & Judah)

San Francisco

Pass along to anyone who might be interested!

Chelsea

I recently had a suggestion by a reader for information and resources on shame, which couldn’t be summed up in a text or even a voicenote so I thought I’d write out some thoughts here.

The IFS Level 2 training I was lucky enough to attend in 2022 led by Ann Sinko and Mike Elkin was on the topic of “Shame, Depression, and Anxiety” so we could spend an 8 hour day talking about shame. It’s a big one. But I’ll lay out some characteristics and some resources for you here. I think it is one of if not the most powerful emotion in the system. Powerful in the way that the intense feeling of shame elicits other parts to do the utmost to make sure you don’t feel that feeling. Often going to extremes to do so, like a part that feels like it would rather die than have you feel shame.

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It shapes how we speak, how much space we take up, who we love, what we hide, and even what we believe we deserve. In IFS language, shame is not simply an emotion that appears occasionally. It often becomes an organizing principle in the system.

Shame can quietly become the gravity around which entire inner worlds revolve. Many of us think of shame as an individual feeling: I did something embarrassing. I failed. I’m too much. I’m not enough.

But shame isn’t just personal, it’s deeply relational. It is learned in families, cultures, religions, classrooms, partnerships, systems, and communities. It is reinforced through criticism, exclusion, comparison, moral judgment, silence, and secrecy.

It tells us:

If people truly saw you, you would lose love, belonging, or safety.

And because that possibility feels unbearable, our nervous systems adapt.

The body knows shame before the mind explains it

Shame is usually a somatic experience as well as psychological. You can often recognize shame before words arrive:

• collapse in the chest

• the urge to disappear

• heat in the face

• looking away

• tightening in the throat

• shrinking posture

• a sudden freeze

• panic after vulnerability

• compulsive overexplaining

• the need to perform competence

IFS understands many symptoms of anxiety and depression as adaptive strategies attempting to protect us from the overwhelming experience of shame. Like instead of asking:

“What’s wrong with me?”

we might ask:

“What is this part trying to protect me from feeling?”

Often the answer is exposure. From the intense feeling flooding the system.

Shame says “I am bad,” not “I did something bad”

One of the clearest distinctions in shame work is the difference between guilt and shame. Guilt says:

“I did something bad.”

Shame says:

“I am bad.”

Guilt can support accountability and repair. Shame attacks the self. It turns behavior into identity. And when shame becomes chronic, parts begin organizing entire lives around preventing that feeling from surfacing again.

In IFS, protectors develop sophisticated strategies to keep shame ie. exiled parts from awareness.

These strategies are often misunderstood as personality traits.

Some parts fight shame by becoming:

• critical

• perfectionistic

• defensive

• controlling

• angry

• morally superior

• reactive

• argumentative

These are often protectors trying to regain power after experiences of humiliation, helplessness, or exposure.

Some parts flee shame through:

• overworking

• hyper-productivity

• constant self-improvement

• achievement

• intellectualizing

• staying busy

• endless striving

• avoiding intimacy

These parts believe:

“If I can become impressive enough, I’ll finally be safe from rejection.”

Freeze responses to shame:

• numbness

• dissociation

• confusion

• indecision

• procrastination

• shutdown

• social withdrawal

These parts often learned that visibility itself was dangerous.

Collapse can look like:

• hopelessness

• depression

• giving up

• self-erasure

• chronic exhaustion

• feeling fundamentally defective

These parts no longer believe escape is possible.

Underneath all of these strategies is usually the same fear:

“If people truly knew me, I would not be loved.”

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Shame thrives in secrecy

One of the most painful dynamics of shame is that it creates silence — and then feeds on the silence it creates. The more stigma attached to an experience, the more secrecy emerges, the stronger parts try to protect you from letting that shame be seen. Secrets can distort communication. They create rigid boundaries. They isolate people from one another. They fracture authenticity. They interrupt storytelling. Eventually, people stop feeling known even inside their closest relationships. This is why shame often survives not through overt cruelty, but through absence:

• what families never discuss

• what communities punish indirectly

• what cultures imply is unacceptable

• what individuals learn to hide to remain lovable

Shame deepens in darkness. Not because people are weak, but because nervous systems adapt to relational threat.

It’s common for parts to feel shame around:

• desire

• neediness

• dependency

• anger

• trauma

• poverty

• aging

• loneliness

• bodies

• divorce

• failure

• ambition

• sex and sexuality

• creativity

• grief

• joy

• visibility

Sometimes even healing itself becomes shame-inducing. Especially for people who learned that having needs endangered connection.

Shame could be inherited

Some parts who feel shame could discover that it did not originate with them. In IFS there is a concept of inherited burdens, we call them cultural or legacy burdens. Meaning, that a part may feel like it doesn’t fully belong to you, some of it belongs to an ancestor or culture. Parts can pick up burdens (ie. beliefs) from other people or culture. Family systems transmit shame through:

• criticism

• emotional neglect

• perfectionism

• unpredictability

• addiction

• silence

• parentification

• conditional love

• religious rigidity

• chronic comparison

Children internalize these environments developmentally.

A child does not think:

“My caregivers are emotionally unavailable.”

A child thinks:

“Something about me must make love hard to receive.”

That conclusion or belief could become a burden that an exiled part begins to believe.

Then protectors spend decades trying to make sure the wound or belief is never triggered again.

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Healing shame is not the same as “thinking positively”

Shame does not heal through self-improvement alone. It heals relationally.

Through experiences of:

• being seen without humiliation

• speaking the unspeakable

• receiving compassion without performance

• allowing protectors to soften

• witnessing exiles without abandoning them

• staying connected while vulnerable

In IFS, the goal is not to eliminate protectors that formed around shame. The goal is to understand them. Because even the harshest critic usually began as a protector trying to prevent unbearable pain. When approached with Self energy instead of force, shame-protecting parts often reveal:

• terror of rejection

• grief

• longing

• loneliness

• unmet attachment needs

• fear of annihilation

And beneath that:

a self that was never actually shameful to begin with.

Practices That Can Support Shame Healing:

• Shame mapping

• Somatic tracking

• Voice dialogue with inner critics

• Art therapy

• Group witnessing practices

• Attachment repair work

• Self-compassion meditations

• Naming secrecy explicitly

• Safe relational vulnerability

• Creative expression

• Body-based trauma work

• Parts journaling

Resources:

Brené Brown Articles & Resources

Good introductory resources on shame resilience, perfectionism, and vulnerability.

IFS Institute

Useful for understanding exile/protector dynamics and how shame gets organized inside systems.

Listening to Shame — Brené Brown TED Talk

Still one of the clearest and most accessible talks ever created on shame and vulnerability.

The Power of Vulnerability — Brené Brown TED Talk

A classic exploration of shame, connection, and authenticity.

Unpacking the Circle of Shame with Gabor Maté & Richard Schwartz

A rich conversation integrating IFS, trauma, attachment, and shame dynamics.

How to Overcome Toxic Shame with Peter Levine

A somatic and nervous-system-focused understanding of shame. Especially good for people who understand shame intellectually but still feel it deeply in the body.

Healing Toxic Shame: 7 Steps to Freedom

A practical overview distinguishing guilt from shame and exploring how identity becomes fused with wounded adaptations.

Chelsea Owens — Licensed therapist · Certified IFS Level 3

Chelsea works with individuals using Internal Family Systems therapy — the same framework she brings to Parts & Charts. Now accepting new clients.

Book an IFS session: chelseaowenstherapy.com

BREAKING NEWS (…in the future): car spotted levitating over the Golden Gate. Sources say the solstice energy did it. Sources also say KP (podcast co-host astrologer extraordinaire) is visiting Chelsea that weekend and they wanna do art workshops with people in person.

We haven’t locked anything in yet. We want to hear from you first! — what topics, what kind of session, what you’ve been wanting to go deeper on.

Interest form in bio. Fill it out and be the first to find out which workshop(s) we will be hosting June 19-21ist-ish ❤️

I would love to make art in real life with ya.

Fill out the form here!

Thanks!

Chelsea

CHUZING JOY (even now)

Back at the end of December I did a 12 day omen practice of noticing what messages were coming in for each month of 2026 with my coven. So starting with the winter Solstice I noticed January omens, and the next day I got February omens etc. Sometimes the omens felt vague like technology issues in March, deep spiritual trust in January, etc. Most of them felt so general that I questioned whether it was really a message or just an ordinary thing we’re all experiencing. Sometimes I set timers on my phone to go off at 3:33 or 11:11 which felt cute, but when I started anticipating those times I had to make them more random like 8:47am, sometimes then going off in the middle of a meeting lol.

When it came to April omens, I think my guides were like ok Chels you want a clear message we’ll give you a clear message! In a very trans-Atantic accent where you could swap out “message” for “knuckle sandwich”. I was pleasantly surprised that it was much more of smack in the face that was undeniably a call to action.

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It was Christmas Eve day, and I was doing the usual tradition of decorating sugar cookies with my 2 nieces and 2 nephews as we’ve done since they were in high chairs and now they are 13, 11, 9 and 7. 🥹 We took a break for lunch and my mom sent us out to Jimmy Johns for sandwiches (midwest throwback for me, since we don’t have JJ’s in SF) and on our way back home after spending $65 on sandwiches (even JJ’s is expensive now?) my 11 year old niece yelled out “it’s 11:11! make a wish!”

I thought oh good she’s my omen alarm today, as I looked at the car in front of me their license plate said CHUZJOY. I chuckled and said oh my gosh you guys look at that it says choose joy! And then I proceeded to follow that car a few blocks out of the way just to see if there were other clues, and to see who was driving ( I want to know you). My 9 year old nephew (Libra) was like “Hey! We’re going the wrong way! we missed the turn to Grandma’s house! We gotta go back!” (Always following the rules,can’t get off track). The Leos were like “This is so fun!! Keep going!” The Taurus was already eating his sandwich, unbothered.

From that moment I kept seeing the word JOY everywhere that day. In many people’s yards, although it is a popular Christmas decoration it was popping up everywhere. I also pulled the goddess card Butterfly Maiden-”Transformation”. A springtime goddess who helps us escape a cocoon that’s impeding our growth or JOY.

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When this omen first came through, I’ll be honest I thought, wow in April I’m going to be so freakin joyful and happy! Great things are going to happen! I’m going to be floating in the clouds of joy and eating from the fountain of abundance, I can’t wait.

Now we’re 16 days in and I can see more clearly why the omen was CHUZ joy, not just JOY!!!

It feels like I’m being reminded to choose joy, because it is not coming naturally. Dammit. 😂 I thought it would be an easier lesson.

Now I’m blasting this dub playlist in my house with the windows open for a nice breeze, and burning sandalwood incense while writing this, let’s dig in.

April started off with my aunt passing away, somewhat unexpectedly but also not, which sent me to the midwest for a few days. And wow it is not fun to be at a funeral while in luteal phase. Everything made me cry. It feels normal to my Cancer 12th house to be sad all day to be honest 😂, but not necessarily out in public. It felt good to be with family and close to my roots, and the realness of life and death. But it was emotional.

So, the meter has been tipped towards sadness rather than joy the first few days of April. And taking into account the dip in hormones that is expected with my cycle, it still felt pretty hard to get out of these feelings. And I’m a therapist I know feelings don’t last, I can’t get stuck there forever.

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But my goodness I can’t even look at social media or headlines to distract myself it just intensifies the grief and rage, like I’m sure a lot of you are also experiencing.

This really isn’t how I thought April would feel. Jokes on me! I thought I ordered the joy platter? Excuse me sir? This looks like a plate of half eaten garbage.

Now in April I’m still seeing and hearing the word JOY everywhere.

I was explaining this energy to a new intuitive that I met with last week. How it’s been challenging to feel joy, which is unusual for me being a Leo rising (the Sun as my chart ruler), solar/joy energy is typically very easy for me to access. As I was speaking she pulled this card:

Joy and Happiness connected to the Sun. Are you kidding me? 😂

More signs of joy, my guides are really trying to hit me over the head with this.

But the world feels so loud, unstable, and heavy in ways that I don’t have to name here I’m guessing you already know what I mean, because they are so easy to feel in the body. There’s so much grief,uncertainty, so much that asks for our attention and care.

And joy?

It can feel almost naive. Or like something reserved for a different version of life—one where things are more settled, more certain, more okay. But instead of rejecting it, I’ve been sitting with it. Letting it soften, letting it reveal itself in a different way than I expected. Accessing more Self energy in my system to be able to zoom out enough to be in relationship to my parts.

Because joy, I’m realizing, is not what I was thought it was.

It’s not constant happiness.

It’s not positivity.

It’s not the absence of pain.

In Buddhist psychology, there’s an understanding that joy is not separate from suffering—it lives alongside it. There’s even a kind of joy that arises because we are willing to be present with what is, not because everything feels good. Pema Chodron shared that compassionate witnessing is about sitting in the dark without having to turn on the light. Joy, in this sense, isn’t about esc caping life. It’s about touching it more fully. Joy doesn’t mean I’m ignoring what’s happening in the world, or in my own life. It doesn’t mean I’m bypassing grief, anger, fear, or overwhelm. If anything, it asks me to be more present. Not less.

April Joy is becoming a practice. And that’s what feels surprisingly hard. Because there are parts of me that want to turn on the light when things feel bleak.

Parts that are protective, intellectual parts that wnat the best for me of course, but are worried when we stay a little too long in a particular feeling especially when that feeling is hopelessness or sadness.

Then there’s the parts that don’t trust joy. Parts that get a certain level of comfort from misery, parts that are trying to make me feel better by making me feel worse. If I soften, something bad might happen and they don’t want me to be disappointed.

All of these parts aren’t wrong, they’re trying to protect me from disappointment, disconnection, from the vulnerability that comes with feeling something fully. Because joy is vulnerable.

It requires openness. It requires a kind of unclenching. It asks the nervous system to come out of vigilance, even if just for a moment. And if you’ve spent a long time bracing, internally or externally, that can feel unfamiliar or even unsafe.

I know as a therapist that feelings don’t last forever. The Buddhist teaching of impermanence—that everything, including joy, is fleeting. And strangely, that’s part of what makes it so precious. Not something to cling to, but something to notice while it’s here.

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So I’m not forcing joy this month, I’m not trying to override those parts or pretend they’re not there. I’m getting curious. Sometimes it’s not something cinematic it’s something subtle, a glimmer. It’s the warmth of the sun on my face when I actually pause long enough to feel it. It’s making something, art, food, a sentence, just because I want to. It’s a flicker of attraction, a moment of playfulness, a softening in my body. Not a transformation. Not a solution. Just a small, steady willingness to let something good be real.

On Christmas Eve night I found this little envelope and it said “To the person who finds this”

“You can do this!!”

As I’m putting these pieces together now I know April is about:

I can do Choosing Joy.

Love to you all!

If you’re curious what we’re up to over on the pod check it out here:

Parts & Charts

25: "The 12th House" (Part One) with The Lilith Therapist Lisa Broggi

Chart Roulette…

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5 months ago · 3 likes · KP Kaszubowski

If you or someone you know if looking for extra support and interested in going deeper with IFS?

Go here.

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I know it always comes down to separation.

The mind likes to believe we are separate from e v e r y t h i n g. I was at a dharma talk at Green Gulch last week with my girlfriends, in which the overarching topic was oneness and separation. The monk delivered a beautiful sentence illustrating the point that everything is connected, you can’t separate the tea leaves from the sun that grew them, it’s all arising together. The meditation hall was completely silent, then the only baby in attendance farted. You can’t separate the farts from the serene Buddhist ritual.

But what if your parts don’t believe in oneness? What if they only feel separation?!

First off, I love manifestation discourse. I’m not here to sh*t all over manifestation (There’s plenty out there if you really want that and I’m certainly not the only one looking at the flaws in the fabric). I’m here to try to understand how to integrate these principles into a psycho-spiritual framework using IFS language that actually works for me and hopefully for others. I know there’s many places of the internet talking about manifestation, but the metaphysical principles in it’s foundation feel significant to me and my worldview. IFS also feels important to me, and has become a huge part of my worldview as well.

So I’m just a girl standing in front of the Universe asking it what it all means.

Why do some desires work out and some don’t? Do thoughts really create reality and how can we account privilege? and for all the bad stuff that happens? How does it all connect?

As someone who has been up, down, round and round all the manifestation zeitgeist (I’ve tried every trendy program, read all the books, listened to tons of podcasts and videos) I think there’s a lot of profound information there and I also recognize how monetized and flattened some of the concepts have become due to the Big Mani™️ machine. The more the core metaphysical principles get rolled out or misused by popular culture the more harm and frustration can cause a backlash in your own system.

There’s things I have been trying to manifest for years! And there’s areas of my life where things have worked out with a lot more ease and less effort for sure.

There’s numerous possibilities why something doesn’t work out the way you hoped. There’s also divine timing (but i’ll save that for a later post). Maybe you spent hours visualizing a relationship, making a vision board, scripting the dream life, repeating affirmations to raise the vibration; and yet, nothing seems to move.

Or, something inside resists. A heaviness appears, procrastination sets in. Doubt creeps in.

Many manifestation frameworks say the problem is simple: you don’t believe enough. You don’t feel the feeling enough.

But from an Internal Family Systems perspective, I’d say, it may not be that you don’t believe. It may be that a protector part of you is trying to keep you safe.

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How can you feel a feeling of joy or excitement about something your body truly doesn’t feel is safe? Even if you’re able to trick your body into a feeling momentarily in meditation (or at least a part of you is able to tap into a feeling of your intended desire) once you go back to your daily life all the other parts (protectors) are on guard at their posts ready to fend off anything that is a potential threat to your safety. Making it hard to tap into that joy or excitement.

The Parts of Us That Don’t Trust the Dream

In IFS we understand the psyche as a system of parts—different energies within us that developed to help us survive.

Some parts dream, some parts protect, some parts carry wounds from the past.

When manifestation practices encourage us to “act as if” or “assume it’s already yours,” it can bypass the parts of us that are still holding memories of pain.

Imagine someone trying to manifest a loving relationship.

Consciously, they may want partnership deeply. But some part of them remembers heartbreak, abandonment, or betrayal.

From that protector’s perspective, the desire for love doesn’t look exciting! It looks dangerous. So the protector does what it was designed to do,it whispers doubt in your ear, it slows things down, it creates hesitation. Some parts could create entire narratives around what is going on, and some of that could even be unconscious.

Not because it hates your dream—but because it remembers what happened the last time you opened your heart.

In addition to protective parts that don’t trust the dream, there could be young exiled parts that also don’t trust the dream. Maybe they too remember being hurt by being themselves and it doesn’t feel safe to open up to anyone again, or there’s a deep belief of unlovability. And sometimes it can feel so good or comforting to hold onto those beliefs, parts that are like “i’m going to be miserable forever and die alone because no body likes me!” It can feel a lot safer to keep people at a distance that way so you never get hurt, and that is so comforting.

They say your thoughts create your reality, (if reality is a collection of how you are responding to life) I’d say parts can have a hand in creating your reality based on their beliefs, emotions and actions. But it’s important to understand why they’re doing what they’re doing. Criticizing them, cutting them off, bypassing them or telling them to shut up because they’re wrong probably won’t work long term.

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Why Forced Positivity Can Backfire

A lot of manifestation culture relies on overriding negative thoughts with positive ones, but protectors are incredibly sensitive to anything that feels like denial.

If a part of you says: “I’m lonely.”

And another voice immediately responds:“No you’re not! Everything is abundant!”

Your nervous system can feel the disconnect. Protectors often react by becoming louder.

They might show up as:

• cynicism

• procrastination

• anxiety

• self-sabotage

• intellectual skepticism

These reactions are often labeled as “limiting beliefs” but in many cases, they’re actually protective strategies that once kept you safe.

The Hidden Shame in Manifestation Culture

Many manifestation teachings are built around the idea that we create our reality through our thoughts. On the surface, this can feel empowering. But for people carrying trauma, perfectionism, or strong inner critics, it can quickly turn into something else.

“If I haven’t manifested the life I want yet…then it must be my fault.”

This belief can activate harsh manager parts that already feel responsible for everything.

Suddenly the inner dialogue becomes: I’m not thinking positively enough, I must be blocking myself. Something is wrong with me. Instead of creating freedom, the practice becomes another way to pressure ourselves and feel like a POS.

Protectors Don’t Relax When They’re Ignored

Protectors soften when they feel understood and appreciated for the job that they’re doing. In IFS we don’t try to override resistance, we get curious about it.

Instead of asking: “How do I manifest what I want?”

We might say: “What part of me feels unsafe receiving this?”

You might ask that part:

• What are you afraid would happen if I had this?

• What are you protecting me from?

• What do you need from me to feel safer?

These protectors carry profound wisdom, the key to unlocking more for your system.

They probaby remember moments when vulnerability led to pain or when success created pressure and shame. They remember when visibility attracted criticism.

It’s important to remember they are not enemies of your future. They are guardians of your past and actually care deeply about your future which is why they have been pushed into such extreme roles to keep you safe.

It’s important to understand the intensity of the worries and concerns they hold about what might happen if you didn’t get what you wanted in life?

I truly believe when you spend time befriending your protectors, showing them appreciation, and then heal and unburden the exiled parts they are protecting, you can unlock a different path in manifestation.

It feels safer in your system to move throughout the world, parts aren’t blocking any access, it feels safer to receive, you feel worthy. WHat felt separate begins to feel integrated into the whole.

🌞 The Energy That Actually Changes Things

What manifestation culture often calls “alignment” is something that IFS describes very clearly: Self energy.

Self energy has qualities like:

calm

curiosity

clarity

compassion

confidence

connectedness

creativity

When we are leading our system from Self, parts begin to trust. Protectors don’t have to work as hard and scared exiles don’t have to hide. And life begins to shift—not because we forced the universe to give us something, but because our inner world is less divided. In that state, we tend to make clearer choices, move toward healthier relationships, and take actions that support our well-being.

From the outside, this can look like manifestation.

But from the inside, it feels like coherence.

A Different Way to Approach Desire

Instead of asking the universe for something while pushing your fears aside, you might try a different approach.

Take time with your parts to understand what’s going on inside, who is doing what, what fears or concerns do they have, what do they want for you?

When every voice in the system feels heard, resistance softens and Energy returns.

The path forward becomes clearer—not because you controlled reality, but because you are finally working with your inner ecosystem instead of against it.

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Tarot Spread: “Working With the Part That Resists”

Here is a tarot spread to explore the inner dynamics around desire and manifestation.

Shuffle and pull cards in an arc:

1 — The Desire

What is my heart truly longing for right now?

2 — The Dreaming Part

Which part of me wants this most strongly?

3 — The Protector

What part of me feels cautious or resistant?

4 — What This Protector Is Guarding

What wound, memory, or vulnerability is it trying to protect?

5 — What This Part Needs From Me

How can I build trust with this protector?

6 — The Role of Self Energy

What quality of Self can help bring balance to this situation?

7 — The Path Forward

What happens when my system begins to work together?

Thanks for being here! There will be more to come on this topic!

love,

chelsea

I know it’s going to be a wild month astrologically so I met up in cyber space with my great pal and colleague to discuss (as thought leaders do lol) what to expect when you’re expecting [a wild eclipse season]. On February 17 we will have a new moon (solar eclipse) in the sign of Aquarius.

✨ In our chat we explored how eclipse energy isn’t something to fear but an invitation to turn inward and listen. Rather than predicting outcomes, we practiced slowing down and making space for what’s already moving inside us. Through a guided meditation and intuitive art exercise, we mapped the emotions, sensations, and “parts” that surfaced when we asked a simple question: What is this eclipse stirring in me?

What emerged was a powerful reminder that our expectations about change often live on the surface, while deeper truths are waiting underneath. One reflection revealed a tension between striving for professional success and the longing for genuine connection — and a surprising realization that connection was never actually absent. Another reflection uncovered a desire for transformation paired with a fear of disappointment, alongside a quiet readiness to release an old chapter.

I guide us through a meditation and art experience to pay attention to your parts using art. We then debrief and try to make connections (if any) of our parts to our natal charts.

So if you want to play along at home, get into a cozy space, get your art materials out so you can easily flow into art making during the meditation.

I use watercolors in this demo but you could use drawing materials like pencils, crayons, pastels, markers, pen, ink etc.

I’d love to see what images come up for you if you do this meditation!

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What is this eclipse about and why is everyone talking about it?

This new moon eclipse coincides with so many other planets doing stuff, as well as religious and cultural holidays (not a surprise, it’s all connected to the stars!). Lunar New Year begins the year of the fire horse, Mardi Gras and Paczki Day (for my Polish fam) a day of fun before Ash Wednesday,as well as the beginning of Ramadan. All of that falling on February 17th! That’s a lot of energy portals.

This is the first Aquarian eclipse is nearly a decade! Offering an opportunity of collective humanitarianism and reorienting the path toward a better future. Also this new moon is the first eclipse in Aquarius since our little buddy Pluto entered Aquarius in 2024, which could also embody some systemic change or revolution. (Please!) Also also Saturn and Neptune meet at zero degrees Aries which is a rare conjunction marking hopefully a powerful beginning of imagination and grounded action towards change.

The astrology of this time offers context rather than certainty. Eclipses act like accelerators — moments when energy shifts quickly and unpredictably. This Aquarius eclipse highlights themes of collective connection, personal belonging, and how small actions ripple outward. Instead of trying to control the outcome, the invitation is to stay present, curious, and grounded in your body and creativity.

The real takeaway isn’t about forecasting events, it’s about cultivating relationship with your inner landscape. Painting, journaling, or simply noticing your internal responses can reveal guidance that no external prediction can replace.

As eclipse season unfolds, the encouragement is simple: tend to your nervous system, lean into community, create something with your hands, and trust that whatever shifts are occurring are part of a larger rhythm. You don’t have to force meaning, you only have to stay in conversation with yourself.

This practice is something you can return to anytime: pause, listen, express, and delight in your inner world.

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Prompts for you!

Respond intuitively through tarot/ oracle cards, words or art:

Turning inward

1. What emotion or sensation is asking for my attention right now?

   Where do I feel it in my body?

2. If this feeling were a part of me, what would it want me to know?

3. What am I trying to control right now and what might happen if I softened my grip?

Eclipse themes: change + revelation

4. What feels like it is ending, completing, or losing energy in my life?

5. What truth has been quietly surfacing that I can no longer ignore?

6. Where am I being asked to see differently rather than do more?

Creative integration

10. If this eclipse energy were an image, color, or landscape, what would it look like?

11. What wants to be released, sunseted, or transformed — and how can I ritualize that?

12. What part of me is ready for change, and what part is afraid?

🧃Bonus planetary boon:

Connection card: How can I stay supported and connected?

Integration card: What helps this transformation settle?

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Happy Eclipsing! I wish you love and all your needs being met.

🌟If you would like to get in touch with KP for a full session to dive deeper into your natal chart find her here: www.kpkaszu.com

www.kpkaszu.com

Time stamps for video

(00:01:10): Intro

(00:01:50): introducing the practice and discussing materials

(00:06:38): beginning the mediation, grounding and turning inward

(00:11:29):see if there was a sensation or a thought or an emotion that you noticed first

(00:13:12): start to put that expression onto the paper

(00:18:00): notice how you’re feeling towards it

(00:18:35): What else is here?

(00:19:28): How would that one like to be expressed?

(00:24:21): see if there’s any parts or any energies here that have any feelings about the eclipse

(00:31:51): see if there are other parts coming up in response

(00:39:07): sending parts some gratitude for being here and just letting them know that you can come back

(00:40:26): discussing what you noticed

(00:42:09): connection with people and other insights

(00:55:27): looking at where the eclipse is going to happen in your own chart

(00:57:33): having the eclipse in the same sign as where Pluto is

(01:00:01):where energy goes with our intention with our focus with our care

(01:01:59): So, um, yeah, there’s a lot going on.

To look up your birth chart:

https://www.astro-seek.com/

Spoiler alert: I don’t have the answer figured out. And I can’t tell you what to do! But I invite you to come with me through this question, because mayyybe we can all get more clarity on this topic in service of a more comprehensive road map in relationships and in our own internal systems.

I’ve been thinking about the variants of this question in my client work (and just philosophically) for quite some time. Many people come to therapy to understand or find an answer to the question: how do you know when it’s time to breakup? Should I stay or should I go? Is this relationship right for me? How will I know? When will I know?

Wouldn’t it be convenient to have a decision tree that could lead you to the correct decision?

I said “correct”, but I need you to know there isn’t a “correct” decision. Maybe a part of you is searching for a correct answer, but what feels so important about that? What is it afraid would happen to you if you didn’t make the correct decision?

I’d start there. What feels important to hear about this internal debate? The debate that goes something like “this person isn’t [fill in the blank] enough” but “I couldn’t imagine living without them I would be so sad”. What feels important about this polarization and is it possible enough to get enough perspective to hear and understand both sides?

I understand that it’s probably unrealistic to assume you will never get triggered in relationship. Even the people who have done so much work on their own systems will probably still find themselves having big feelings or their feelings hurt by their partners. It’s not a bad thing. It’s more opportunities to grow and connect within your relationship.

I think it’s important to take care of your own system, work with your own parts so that you can ideally be Self-led in your relationship, the highest and best version of yourself. It’s your responsibility to keep your side of the street clean. Take accountability for what’s yours through self-awareness and sincerity.

My question is when does it feel like the work is too much? When does it feel like it’s too much to work with your parts to be with a certain person?

It’s complex and deeply personal to know when it’s just misalignment. Will Self energy know if it’s right?

I’d like to think that if parts are healed/ unburdened and the system is operating at like 90% Self-led energy let’s say, but there’s still a lot of activation happening in the relationship—is that when it feels like it’s too much work?

If it’s an issue with the current relationship (i.e. what is happening with the current partner) and not the past, then maybe?

I mean if the issues coming up with the person are rooted only in what is happening in the present and it’s not touching on a core wound or a part that is still stuck in a traumatic experience or belief, then maybe it is relationship misalignment?

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I know many people have parts that want to make relationships work no matter what and will put in HUGE amounts of effort to do so.

I also know sometimes those parts can be pretty anxious. Very anxious about leaving, or their partner leaving. Very anxious about not having the person in their life anymore and what that would feel like.

Those anxiously attached parts can often need a lot of reassurance and sometimes push their partners away in the process. I’ve noticed that those anxious parts can never really get enough assurance from their partner, nothing feels like enough. Which is frustrating for both people!

And that’s where Self can come in. Those anxious parts need to know that they have you.

Me= primary caregiver of me

Others (including partner): secondary caregivers of me

You’re going to get a whole lot more enjoyment out of receiving the secondary caregiving from your partner when you are you’re own primary caregiver!

While it’s your job to take care of yourself, that doesn’t mean your partner is off the hook and doesn’t have any responsibility to you!

In relationships it’s both. I don’t know if there is a clear cut answer to what it actually looks like for each and every relationship. I think it varies because connection can look so many different ways.

I think that’s up to you and your systems to figure out how much of this stuff is mine to figure out and meet my own needs— and how/when I need you (partner) to meet this need.

Ok that is all for now, more to come on this topic! I promise!

And Stay tuned for my Heated Rivalry thoughts and feelings coming soon. 😉

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I hope you are all having an ok end of the year wrap party for yourself. Today we have a video post! I talk with my dear friend astrologer about the Astro for 2026, weeks discuss what transits to look for and what it could feel like for the collective. 1

We also discuss some favorite solstice and new year rituals!

We are looking forward to a new season of coming real soon as well as more workshops, a retreat! And more writing and building community.

I wish you a relaxing holiday and end of the year, sending you so much love.

💕

It’s been a minute! Well it’s autumn and October was beautiful and busy. I’m currently writing from a train1 looking out the window at Connecticut foliage, en route from New York to Boston. I had to state that partially to orient myself to place and time because the last two weeks I’ve been on the move quite a bit and while there’s been a lot of moving parts, packing/unpacking suitcases and power-walking to be on time, it has been really sweet to be back east and experience East Coast Autumn. Obviously something we don’t get enough of in California.

I say back east as if back refers to a return, as if to return home. But I’m from Nebraska 😭 so the east coast was never a home for me, yet I thought it would be when I was younger and fell in love with New England/Boston2

Luckily it lined up to spend a week in Cambridge/Somerville with friends before reporting to Washington DC for the IFS (internal family systems) level 3 training that I’ve been trying to get into for I don’t know how long, (years?) their trainings are very hard to get into now so I am extremely grateful. I’m still processing and integrating the last 5 days so a lot of this writing here will be my stream of consciousness to get my thoughts and parts on paper!

My expectations of level 3 were low to be honest. I was sure I’ve heard almost everything there is to say about IFS, not because I feel like an expert but because there isn’t that much new content once you learn, experience and know the model. Levels 1 and 2 are typically very model-heavy and structured specifically to teach and learn how to work as an IFS trained clinician and expand on certain themes within different client populations and presentations that come up in practice. Level 3, the last level the institute offers, is super open-ended. Often facilitated by Dick Schwartz himself in a q&a type dynamic where participants are guiding the focus of the training with what they have questions about within IFS.

So that being said I was open to whatever, and I knew that I would get what I needed regardless the flow of the week. It took a few days for my logistical parts to settle down, this being the first in person training I’ve done (the others were all on zoom) so figuring out where to stay, how to get around, lunch to bring everyday, seeing clients in the evening all felt effortful and time consuming. But omg being in person really hits different.

In the 5 days of being with the 30 other participants and lead trainers I realized I had to spend the last 7 years learning the model only to come to level 3 to unlearn so much of what I knew.i won’t go into all of that now since it’s a little too clinical and might be boring for most of you but I think the jist is an emphasis on getting back to the basics.

It wasn’t necessarily the teachings of the lead trainer, nor the momentary intellectual group discussion but the physical embodiment of the model that clicked for me: relationship building is everything.

Typically the emphasis is to get somewhere. Whether it’s retrieving or updating a younger part, or getting thru the steps of unburdening—thats all truly great and potentially healing if it’s coming from the clients system. If it feels like it’s coming from me I need to reflect on where it’s coming from in me. Do any of my self-like therapists parts that have an idea or a feeling about what should happen, without actually checking with the clients part to see what they actually need?

As I’m sitting with clients the relationship between me and my own parts is just as important to the therapeutic relationship as the relationship my client has to their own parts. Which again, isn’t anything new I’m hearing for the first time. But it’s a huge reminder to notice what I’m noticing. My self like therapist parts definitely have an idea of what they think should happen. Which isn’t a bad thing, it’s just important to notice when there is an attachment to an agenda or outcome and would I be ok if that agenda outcome didn’t happen? This often shows up as caregiving parts (but I’ll save that for another day) that are attached to making someone feel better and imposing their own idea of what they think the person needs not actually listening to what the person says they need.

There was a moment in an exercise we did to embody the energy of ‘trying hard to help’ with another person as a client then embodying self energy. And while it felt a bit forced to embody ‘trying hard to help’, even energetically embodying that slightly wasn’t so out of character that it was so unbelievable, yet even the subtle energy behind the questions could be detected by the other persons (client) parts. He even said it even felt annoying to his parts 😭 and how he definitely sensed the subtle shift away from self energy. It left me wondering how often I’m trying too hard with clients. And how I will notice that internally, how my parts will let me know that there’s an energy of caregiving, agenda or whatever it may be.

Even if you’re not a practicing therapist or IFS clinician, I think the takeaway is when you’re in relationship to another person and you’re wanting something to happen notice where it’s coming from. Notice your own manager parts/self-like parts that want someone to be different, noticing the impact versus intent your parts have on the person or relationship. Sometimes our parts have the best intention (like a caregiving part) but the impact or how it lands on a part sends the message you’re not ok the way you are. And especially as a clinician I truly hope to embody the motto all parts welcome, so there is safety and then spaciousness for relationships to build and flourish. Self is a resource for parts and parts are a resource for Self.

Ok that’s all for now folks! Back to my train window gazing.

Sending love,

Chelsea

Hey friends, how are we doing inside this eclipse portal right now!? It’s been feeling quite tender. And most of my tech is breaking down lol, my laptop screen is dead and I’m trying to work only from an iPad 🫠. It’s ok. Last week I felt a little too emotionally porous, collectively feeling waves of anxiety and despair both in my practice and community. We’re holding a whole backpack of feelings in this liminal threshold from this lunar eclipse to solar eclipse!! Eclipses tend to stir things up right? Old patterns surface, shadows show themselves, and we’re asked to look at what’s no longer aligned.

It’s a season of “what next?”

That could range from what’s the next level of intimacy with my partner? Or what’s the next step i need to take to make this creative project come to life? Or do I want to stay at this job or totally flip my world upside down and become a monk? Depending on where this eclipse is in your chart aka what houses and placements are being illuminated by it, you could see some potentially life changing shifts. It’s exciting! If you want to hear more about this eclipse energy check out our pod episode here.

Parts & Charts

14: Staying Self-Led in Eclipse Season

In this fourteenth episode of Parts & Charts: The IFS and Astrology Podcast, Chelsea Owens (IFS and Art Therapist) and KP Kaszubowski (Writer, Filmmaker, Astrologer) explore…

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a year ago · 1 like · KP Kaszubowski and Chelsea Owens

Mayyyybe this eclipse IS inspiring a redirection in your work/job/path and the cosmic nudge to check in, is this path pathing? Idk?

Eclipse energy can pull us into extremes: excitement, fear, urgency, self-doubt. Our inner critics may get louder. Our managers may push us toward quick answers. Our exiles may flood us with longing or grief.

That’s why it’s so important to pause, breathe, and return to Self energy. From Self, explore some questions.

Instead of “I have to figure this out right now,” let’s see

• What parts of me are drawn to this person/project/city/work?

• What parts feel scared or doubtful?

• How can I listen to all of them with compassion and clarity?

• What would it look like to make this choice from Self, not from fear or urgency?

Since it’s back to school time, our favorite time of year, some of you might even be wondering “should I become a therapist??”

I get a lot of friends and friends of friends asking me this questions. I’ve sat with a lot of folks considering this transition or career change into therapy world. And I don’t have the answer for you sorry! because it’s so unique to what’s gonna fit for you and your life but I can share a lot of my thoughts, stories, obstacles, and hot tips in order to give you a sense for what it’s really like IMO. You can listen to our pod episode about this very topic:

Parts & Charts

12: So You Think You Want to Become a Therapist?

Announcement time…

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a year ago · Chelsea Owens and KP Kaszubowski

If you’re thinking about a career change or if you’ve ever thought about becoming a therapist i feel you I know it’s a big decision, going to grad school for anything feels like a lot of time, money, energy, resources etc.

If you want a deeper dive into it I created a little mini course of videos called ✨ So You Wanna Be a Therapist? ✨ https://chelseawow.gumroad.com/l/bfbiau

ok that’s all for now everyone! I wish you a steady and exciting closure to this solar eclipse this weekend, hugs.

I turned 40 last week.

Cue the cakes, the existential questions and the expensive face serums.

But: I’m still alive. 40 isn’t as scary as I thought it would be.

I’m a Cancer, it’s expected that I cry every birthday. But I didn’t cry on this one (except looking at baby pics of myself that my mom sent me.1 )

My girlfriends and I made the pilgrimage to Madonna Inn for the weekend. As it was our first time I was expecting young couples on honeymoon or loud bachelorette parties but surprisingly there were lots of families with young children and a group of 100 friends in their 40s/50/60s who were the most fabulous burlesque/burner/queer/exuberant theme costumed bunch showing us that OF COURSE you can be amazing and have fun after 40.

I wasn’t sure how I would feel at this juncture to be honest,as I’ve been anticipating and analyzing what it means for months.2

It feels like all of a sudden I’m here. Time crept up on me even though I’ve been watching the clock all along.

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It’s not exactly the life I imagined when I was 20 or 30, I thought there would be different people around me. I thought there would be a family, a different group of friends, a different house in a different city and never even planned to work for myself.

But through untangling the messages (what was mine and what was cultural or familial?) I’m the only one putting pressure on myself to look a certain way, to achieve certain things, blah blah blah no one *actually* f-ing cares what my life looks like. I think it’s especially easy in the 20s and 30s to compare yourself to your peers, who is engaged, who is married, who bought a house, who is behind,and who is still just having fun. I hear it all the time in my therapy practice. The urgent timelines manager parts come up with. If I’m 30, and I want to have a child by the time I’m 40 then I need to meet someone now so that I can know them for a year then be engaged for a year then we have to reserve a wedding venue at least a year in advance then we want to live for a year by ourselves and have our friends over and drink wine then be sober and give up caffeine for a year to get my body ready then we want to start trying to have a baby???!!

Life doesn’t just happen like that. You can’t manage everything. It’s wild and unscripted.3 Isn’t that fun? Not knowing?

40 isn’t a deadline.

It’s not the end of adventure, falling in love, desire, magnetism, or creativity. It’s the beginning of doing all of that with more discernment—and much better boundaries. It’s the beginning of giving a whole lot less f*cks about what other people think of me.

In fact, I’ve never felt more me.4

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A few things I’ve learned on the way here:

• Confidence doesn’t come from having it all figured out—it comes from learning to love all parts of yourself when they don’t.

• The body changes. And also? She gets wiser. She tells you faster what’s not working. When a part is overgiving. When an exile is surfacing.

• Not everyone is meant to stay. Some people are soul assignments, not lifelong companions.

• Some people mirror parts we’ve outgrown. They show us what still needs healing.

• There’s no gold star for suffering. Sometimes our hardest working parts need permission to rest.

• Slowing down isn’t laziness. It’s a cue from Self that something needs tending.

• You can start over at any age. You can fall in love again. You can become someone softer. Or louder. Or both.

If you’re in your 20s or 30s and dreading getting older, let me say this:

You are not becoming irrelevant. You are becoming more integrated. More layered and in conversation with your inner system.

Plus we have women like Miranda July to show us how cool it is to be 50 and talk about Gua Sha and strength training.5

Also, Fraiser was 41 when season 1 aired and we all look wayyyy younger, sorry Frais.6

Your radiance won’t disappear—it will just come from deeper places. Less about impressing, more about embodying.

You’ll trade performance for presence.

You’ll stop asking, “Do they like me?” and start asking, “Do I even want to be here?”

You’ll stop asking, “Am I too much?” and start asking “Which part of me believes that? and what does she need to hear right now?”

You’ll stop betraying yourself for belonging. Aging is not a decline—it’s an initiation into deeper Self energy.

Life can be very full or very empty at any age and the relationship to self and others can have a big impact on that. The silly little societal markers of adulthood don’t fucking matter.

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🕯️ Birthday Ritual:

To honor this threshold, I created a simple birthday ritual with an incense blend and herbal infusion—two of the fastest ways to shift our nervous system and open a portal if you want to play along at home.

Incense Blend:

A loose incense you can burn on a charcoal disk or add to a simmer pot:

• Frankincense (resin or powder) – purification, connection to spirit

• Rose petals – heart-opening and self-love

• Bay leaf – vision, protection, burning away what no longer serves

• Cinnamon – fire, joy, magnetic energy

• Mugwort – dreamwork, intuition, honoring the inner mystic

• A pinch of lavender or damiana for calming or sensuality

💨 As the smoke rises:

“I release the past with gratitude. I welcome what’s coming with ease.

Tea Blend:

To sip as you journal, reflect, or add to ritual bath:

• 1 part rooibos – grounding, antioxidant-rich, caffeine-free

• 1 part rose petals – opens the heart

• 1 part ginger – warms the belly, fuels confidence

• 1 part nettle – replenishes, strengthens, supports boundaries

• 1 tsp honey and a splash of milk if you like it creamy

🫖 As you sip:

“I trust my timing. I trust my body.”

So here I am, officially 40. A little more tender, a little more self-led.

Grateful for every heartbreak, every ending, every version of me that got me here.

I don’t have it all figured out. But I’m finally asking better questions!

I trust myself more. I take up more space. I flirt with life.

And I know: it only gets better from here.

With love,

Chelsea

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PS scroll down for the SATC mood board for the next decade.

6

Styling in the 90s really dated every character (Seinfeld, Friends, Fraiser etcetc.) even beloved Sex & the City characters looked older than they were. I don’t know a single 30 year old who is spending more than rent on Prada. Only athleisure and birkenstock Bostons. Am I still a child because I didn’t wear Manolo Blahniks once in my 30s?Carrie sold us a lie

!

It’s Cancer season1, and the full moon in the opposite sign of Capricorn2 is rising like a big ole mirror. Truthful and impossible to ignore. Parts are tender, dreams feel close. We continue to hold our own sweet lives in one hand and all the challenges in the collective in the other. NBD! Are we all crying since it’s Cancer season?? We’re mid-2025 now, how are you feeling about the year?

Did you imagine it being different? Do you want to turn the ship around and change course? I’ve been playing with this idea of the “wish fulfilled” lately. I’ve heard it from every manifestation talk or guru or book, or girl on the internet—to act as if. To pretend you have the thing that you want etcetc. But it’s not that easy to pretend, especially when everything around you is basically shit. When you have zero evidence. And you still don’t see any changes, nothing is happening. I guess that is what faith is, believing in something when you can’t see it. It’s not about tricking yourself, although maybe it is tricking your brain because when you close your eyes your brain can’t really decipher between what is reality and what is fantasy. I think it’s more about a feeling, being in a feeling state of the desired outcome. The feeling influences how you go about your day, how you treat others, how you treat yourself. When I’m actually just feeling happy and present to life (huge surprise) I soften and I’m so much more open to everything around me.

The wish fulfilled isn’t a far off destination, but a vibrational state that already exists. Living in this state isn’t something you chase. It’s something you become. You live from the version of you who already has the thing—not in delusion but in devotion. You don’t just visualize the desire you allow yourself to embody it. To take action from it. This isn’t about manifesting from a frantic place, or from parts of us that think we’re unworthy until we have the thing. Those parts need tending for sure, and they may be keeping you (with a very good reason) from the thing or the life you actually desire. I think taking care of any parts of you that are getting in the way is a crucial step. The Self knows how to lead. It doesn’t force or hustle. It moves in resonance. It follows a sacred, intuitive inner yes—of true alignment. And from there we can take inspired action that is effortless from already being in the field of the wish fulfilled. What choices would you make if you felt like you already had the thing you desired?

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The Cancerian archetype teaches us how to tend and care for the vision as a gardener cares for seeds in soil. Not through pushing but through nourishment and protection. Cancer asks us to come home to ourselves, to soften enough to hear the truth beneath the noise.

This full moon, especially in Cancer and it’s opposite Capricorn, brings a moment of emotional revelation: something clicks. A truth lands. A part speaks. Maybe the wish you thought you wanted isn’t the one your soul is really asking for. Or maybe it is!

And your only work now is to stop resisting the version of you who already deserves it.

✨Let the full moon illuminate where you’re still waiting instead of embodying

🫦Let Cancer season teach you how to mother your vision. How to protect your softness. How to follow the pull of inspiration rather than the push of pressure.

🍓And let Self-your deepest, wisest, inner presence be the one guiding the next move.

What is the wish that’s ready to be fulfilled through you? What does it feel like to live as it it’s already done?

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Happy FullMoon!

🦀 If you want to hear more about the Cancer archetype check out our latest podcast episode

Parts & Charts

5: The Cancer Archetype (Pt. 1 of the Zodiac Series)

In this episode of Parts & Charts: The IFS and Astrology Podcast, Chelsea and KP explore…

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a year ago · KP Kaszubowski

Parts & Charts

Horoscope for Cancer Season (June 20 - July 21, 2025)

Welcome to the first ever Parts & Charts horoscope episode! In this soft, reflective entry, KP invites us into the tender waters of Cancer season: a time for nurturance, homecoming, and care for all parts of ourselves…

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a year ago · KP Kaszubowski

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Hello Happy Summer Solstice!

This threshold is probably my favorite. A potent reminder that the light always returns. A portal to summer, extroversion, to not just being an observer of water but becoming it. We’re half way through the year—wwowww!!! I know it’s been a lot so far, here are some reflection prompts to get you going:

✨What is currently flourishing in your life?

✨Where are you being called to shine more brightly?

✨What passion or desire wants more space to grow?

✨What can I lovingly let go of to make more room for radiance?

Some rituals for the solstice:

🦀Let the sun meet some of your hidden parts.

🦀Sit in the golden light of sunset, write a letter to the sun

🦀Make a fire, have gratitude for and burn what 2025 has been so far

🦀Create a prayer of liberation, protection and peace for the collective/world

🦀Celebrate Pride

🦀Call or text your chosen family/family to say I LOVE YOU

🦀Make an alter to the Sun

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Whether you’re soaking up the sun, or caught in the wind, or excessive heat, I’m wishing you a solstice full of emotional warmth, wildness, and renewal as we float into Cancer season1

Wow Taurus season came and went. Did you touch grass?

It’s been many moons since I’ve been in school but I still feel like the last two weeks of May are a transition period in which I can’t focus. Last day of school vibes.

The beginning of the month felt like a big intellectual push before summer break. The IFS level one training I assisted wrapped up 4 more long training days, and I immediately went to an island for a week with my metaphysics book club. That is a real thing lol. We gathered not just to study consciousness but to remember what we’re capable of when we’re together. Living out my commune dreams and honestly it was better than i could have imagined. Cooking together, holding space, laughing so hard it hurt, sharing ideas, easily waking up at 5am for a swim, supporting the whole.

In alignment with Taurus season, (fixed earth) the lush green farmland anchored our bodies and nervous systems to slowness and steadiness. Rooting in light tropical rain dusting the coffeebeans and papaya trees in the afternoon, while exploring layers of soul, energy, and embodiment. During this season we are called to create nourishing routines and tend to the physical world. The body becomes a grounding point for spiritual experiences. It’s not about transcending the body but fotifying it so that spirit can move through it more clearly. It’s regenerative. Taurus energy reminds us not to escape the physical but to sanctify it.

The body isn’t a burden but a vessel of consciousness deserving of reverence.

Our bodies are just an expression of something much bigger. A deep celluar knowing that we are not separate. A medium through which soul expresses it’s unique path. When we just see through the eyes of the body or the physical world, sometimes we spirial identifying with pain, story, or the roles we play. We’re not just flesh and thought but a frequency. Spirit dressed as form—the animating force. That is all around us, it moves through meals we cook, the ocean we swim, in daily gestures, in ideas taking shape in the mind. And it needs relationship to evolve. Not perfection but presence. Not performance but cohesion. It might seem obvious, but when we genuinely live in cohesion with others we start to tune into something deeper—we let ourselves be changed by love, discomfort, intimacy.

If body is the vehicle and spirit is the gas, then the soul is the driver. The soul is the unique imprint and individualized expression of the divine. It’s why we came here to express. And together in harmony soul and spirit use the body as a bridge between worlds. When we’re in community, valuing authenticy over image, we remember this. We feel spirit move between us, reminding us we’re not alone.

My hope is to stay in the current of spirit no matter if I’m in paradise or not. To always make space for nourishing community. We all need each other so much right now.

Sending you all so much love. 💕

In alignment with Gemini season, we’re launching a podcast next month!!

Parts & Charts

Stay tuned..."Parts & Charts" is Almost Here

Hello! We’re Chelsea and KP, and we’ve been quietly brewing a podcast that explores the space where astrology meets Internal Family Systems (IFS). These are the frameworks that bring us greater peace and power in our lives, and we can’t wait to make connections between them. This is going to be something very special 💕…

Read more

a year ago · Chelsea Owens and KP Kaszubowski

Parts & Charts podcast-a blend of IFS and Astrology. You can subscribe to our substack here:

Parts & Charts

Parts & Charts: The IFS and Astrology Podcast where we explore how inner parts and planetary archetypes speak to one another.

By Chelsea Owens

Where we will post updates and episodes.

Poets, painters, dancers, bakers, candleTouching something alive while confronting something past. The space betwen genres is sacred ground. Crossing genres mirrors the liminal space between life/death, self/other, certainty/surrender, to bring heaven to earth in divine relationship. (hello my 12th house placements 😂 )

Last Friday I had the pleasure of leading a collage workshop for the film makers who came for the SF Film Festival that is currently underway in SF. It was a truly lovely experience with some beautiful talented artists from around the world. Nothing brings me more joy and pleasure than to witness others creating art1 .To try different mediums, to cross genres honors the shapeshifting nature of existence itself.

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I continue to be surprised by the spontaneous rapport that emerges in community art making containers, the holy act of creating something from nothing and witnessing Self and others. There’s a moment when I feel the rhythm of every person

in the group tuned in to the same station, antennas up, receiving transmissions. The same source as myth or ritual.

Last night in the Q & A after 3 shorts about Asian diaspora, one of the film makers described film as the combination of a memory, a dream, and spirit.

Some of the film makers were at the film festival for the first time, excitedly and nervously anticipating presenting their films. I realized I have a new fascination with short and mid-length films. Whether it’s my deteriorating attention span or not, these bite-sized visual treats were jam-packed. Similarly how a short story, essay, or poem can have a more sensational impact on me in a shorter amount of time while visually creating a more stunning portrait with fewer frames through tremendous effort to edit the story so craftily. Saying just enough, not saying too much. Which seems obvious but the discernment in that process is what I find fascinating. AI probably has an algo for it but the human-powered process is irreplaceable, in my opinion.

I won’t summarize, you should just see all of these films :) for more info about the mid-lengths here and here and shorts here and here.

Amidst my new short film obsession, I still love going on a 100 minute narrative journey. I don’t think I’ve ever cried as much at a film in a theatre as I did during Come See Me in the Good Light. One of the most beautiful, heartbreaking, hilarious love stories about cancer, poetry, hot lesbians and more.

When a film gets you to pause everything—everything you walked into the theatre with, those small inconveniences, the minor annoyances or criticisms, and you walk out seeing all of those things a gift or currency for you to be here another day? I think the film has done it’s job. If the job is to be right here right now.

It puts things into perspective. It clears the static. Strips away what doesn’t matter. Sharpens the signal. Reminds you where joy lives, knowing that cycles make life more vivid. It gives permission to love harder, make weirder things. Cross genres, break form, write the angry poem that becomes an essay that becomes a dream you share with strangers. You become a channel.

I loved it so much. I highly recommend this film 2 !

In the chemo room, I wear mittens made of ice so I don’t lose my fingernails. But I took a risk today to write this down.

Andrea Gibson

Whenever I spend the day crying,
my friends tell me I look high. Good grief,

they finally understand me.
Even when the arena is empty, I thank god

for the shots I miss. If you ever catch me
only thanking god for the shots I make,

remind me I’m not thanking god. Remind me
all my prayers were answered

the moment I started praying
for what I already have.

Jenny says when people ask if she’s out of the woods,
she tells them she’ll never be out of the woods,

says there is something lovely about the woods.
I know how to build a survival shelter

from fallen tree branches, packed mud,
and pulled moss. I could survive forever

on death alone. Wasn’t it death that taught me
to stop measuring my lifespan by length,

but by width? Do you know how many beautiful things
can be seen in a single second? How you can blow up

a second like a balloon and fit infinity inside of it?
I’m infinite, I know, but I still have a measly wrinkle

collection compared to my end goal. I would love
to be a before picture, I think, as I look in the mirror

and mistake my head for the moon. My dark
thoughts are almost always 238,856 miles away

from me believing them. I love this life,
I whisper into my doctor’s stethoscope

so she can hear my heart. My heart, an heirloom
I didn’t inherit until I thought I could die.

Why did I go so long believing I owed the world
my disappointment? Why did I want to take

the world by storm when I could have taken it
by sunshine, by rosewater, by the cactus flowers

on the side of the road where I broke down?
I’m not about to waste more time

spinning stories about how much time
I’m owed, but there is a man

who is usually here, who isn’t today.
I don’t know if he’s still alive. I just know

his wife was made of so much hope
she looked like a firework above his chair.

Will the afterlife be harder if I remember
the people I love, or forget them?

Either way, please let me remember.

💕💕💕💕💕💕

As Jane Hirshfield says in April, “again the dogwoods blaze. Again the silent, customary birds.” Enjoy the rest of April. The cruelest month ;)

PSA:

OPEN SUBMISSIONS FOR A ZINE I’M COLLABORATING ON:

The theme is [ritual].

Open to SF residents: submit your writing, a photo, a post-it note of your grocery store items, a map of your favorite garden, etc. etc.

fogbody.com

☁️

We joyfully had some beach days over here at the edge of the western world. My underexposed skin walked right into Opening Day for getting a tan underprepared and went to bed with what felt like a heating pad on my back. Radiating so much heat prompted me to make a banana coffee {my obsession of the week}

Now when I make a protein drink in the blender I can’t unthink about White Lotus and how {spoiler if you haven’t watched!} someone would rather dose their family with a deadly fruit than face their own shame.

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We discussed self-condemnation at metaphysics club last night, and how easy it is to get stuck in the stories of judging your past mistakes so harshly (@ capricorns).

But this isn’t an essay about the destruction of self-critical parts. Or a diagnosis of the White Lotus characters (but we should do that, it would be fun!?)

I mean I think it’s necessary to get to know and have compassion for self-critical parts. 1 But in the process of working with self-critical parts, something else happens. Self- like parts can get in the way. Critical parts are obvious to notice, you know they are there. They are pretty straight forward, if not predictable at least open and honest with what they are and ready to share their thoughts and beliefs. But Self-like parts2 can be harder to spot, because they can sound a lot like Self.

I feel like they can be a bit stickier to work with because they usually come in with a well-intentioned agenda.3 An agenda is a sign that this a part, because Self doesn’t have an agenda. 4However, they often present by saying things like I don’t like this part…I want it to go away…that part needs to change etc. Criticism of the criticism. Or it could look like a really spiritual part, that wants to bypass all the criticism or pain with positivity or becoming no-thing before any actual healing takes place.

🧃 Commercial break: if you want support in getting to know your parts and explore your system in IFS (Internal Family Systems) therapy, or know someone who would you can book a session with me here.

It makes sense to me though, I get that there’s parts who want this dynamic to change. They want some relief in the system and they’re ready to move forward. They think the Self has outgrown these strategies that were probably developed a long time ago. All of that makes sense, but the way to get the self-critical part (or even a shame part) to relax, put down it’s burden and eventually choose to do a different job in the system is through the Self truly hearing and understanding it.

I know it is easier said than done.

These self-like parts can have a hard time stepping aside and letting SELF lead in that process because they are so insistent that their way of doing things is better. Often trying to convince the therapist that they are Self, while in the same sentence grumbling about another part and planning it’s departure.

All of our parts want the best for us, they sometimes go about it in the wackiest, most roundabout ways.

Circling back to White Lotus S3, what I observed is that these characters were so fixated on their shifty identities and expended so much energy in self-deceit, hypocrisy, self-condemnation or revenge, to manage these identities that they eventually imploded one way or another. They don’t get the thing they want, they get the thing their parts were trying to desperately to shield them from. Except for Belinda, she’s a millionaire but we’ll see if she gets what she really wanted.

Sending compassion to self-like parts and critical parts.

Have a beautiful weekend. xoxo

Chelsea

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Hello dear readers!

Happy Spring! Ostara is here, fertile times are ahead. I haven’t been writing much because like everyone else I’v been very very busy toggling between White Lotus and Severance, while sending friends memes of both.

I wish I could say that in my wintering I’ve been peacefully resting everyday like the cozy Sleepy Time bear but it has been the busiest start to the year I’ve had in many years. I had friends visiting, hosted a collage workshop in person, went to Japan for a solo vacation, assisted a Level 1 IFS training for therapists, went to freezing Boston to visit friends, got suspected stomach flu from a Harvard Bar, rested from stomach flu, went to the symphony for Rachmaninoff twice, visited the magnolias in the botanical garden almost daily, knitted like 500 bonnets, and so much more.

After the Winter

By Claude McKay

Some day, when trees have shed their leaves

And against the morning’s white

The shivering birds beneath the eaves

Have sheltered for the night,

We’ll turn our faces southward, love,

Toward the summer isle

Where bamboos spire the shafted grove

And wide-mouthed orchids smile.

And we will seek the quiet hill

Where towers the cotton tree,

And leaps the laughing crystal rill,

And works the droning bee.

And we will build a cottage there

Beside an open glade,

With black-ribbed blue-bells blowing near,

And ferns that never fade.

Rising into the light season from the dark season can be rough; discerning with whom to share your insights and creative work that is starting to sprout. Balancing the new surge of energy with the sacredness of keeping some things just for yourself.

I’m grateful the winter showed me it’s luminosity, it’s fun side.

Winter walks over ice, bundled in 5 layers and still not breaking a sweat. Biking in the snow on the left side of the street in busy Kyoto, then jumping into the onsen to de-thaw. Staying out all day, feeling energized and not overheated. Rich in depth of community, good souls, toasted broths, noodle slurps. Fraiser reruns with friends. Things working out at just the right moment, obstacles as annoying spiritual appointments. Everything looks like a poem.

Winter travel rules.

There’s still a few things underground that need some time to take shape. And while today marks the beginning of a new season, Spring doesn’t seem sure it wants to begin in March. Yesterday my mother had a snow day at her teaching job and my brother’s family went to a hotel because their house lost power in the snowstorm. The most confusing month for me growing up in the midwest—the vacillation of temperatures/precipitation and introspection/growth spurts.

The equinox brings balance of light and dark, I’m setting up my alter to honor more sun/fire to awaken my creative work from the quiet cave. The spring curriculum says pick a project, devote yourself to it, move beyond the outline. I’m excited to see what the spring season will open for my practice, and grateful for my creative cohort I have to share all these pieces. I’ve been told the astro-chaos may expedite some changes this month, nothing to be scared of! it feels like some heavy forces have been lifted and I’ve been released from energetic Martian imprisonment. 😭 The drama!

I wish you all ease this month.

Even though I made my new years intentions in January I feel like the year is really beginning now.

Thank You

By Ross Gay

If you find yourself half naked

and barefoot in the frosty grass, hearing,

again, the earth's great, sonorous moan that says

you are the air of the now and gone, that says

all you love will turn to dust,

and will meet you there, do not

raise your fist. Do not raise

your small voice against it. And do not

take cover. Instead, curl your toes

into the grass, watch the cloud

ascending from your lips. Walk

through the garden's dormant splendor.

Say only, thank you.

Thank you.

Love,

Chelsea