Almost every German will tell you that Sylt has the best beach. It does not.

Is it large? Yes. Is it white? Yes. (On the North Sea side.) Is it the best beach you’ll ever see? No.

I call Sylt the Hamptons of Germany, but in the spirit of keeping the references relevant, you can think of it as something like what Plett, Hermanus or maybe St Francis Bay is to Cape Town — minus the Prada & Miu Miu.

So, what to expect:

1. Wind. Expect a lot of wind.

I have only been to Sylt in summer because, as much as I romanticise being on the island in winter, every single person who has lived through a winter there strongly encourages me not to do that. Mostly because of... the wind.

During summer, expect at least two seasons in one day, potentially in one hour.

It rains, it shines, it blows — all in one day. So if you like your weather constant, Sylt is a place to avoid.

2. Sheep.

You wouldn’t be blamed for not immediately associating a beach holiday with grazing sheep along the coastline. But by the end of your stay, you will have seen so many sheep, you’ll have forgotten there was ever a beach without one.

The sheep are friendly (indifferent) and simply blend into the long, grassy, silvery landscape. I considered, on more than one occasion, taking a few home with me.

3. Tour de Midlife Crisis.

Everyone has or rents a bike on Sylt. And damned be the poor sod who didn’t rent an electric one.

The island is long and skinny and, come hell or salt water, you are expected to bike — unless, of course, you own a Jeep, Land Rover or Porsche. Then I guess you could also get around. Any other kind of car seems not to be sold or shipped to Sylt.

There are bike paths that run the entire length of the island through the dunes, which turn into a mauve-covered carpet of heather, adding to that otherworldly vibe that I’ve come to associate with the island.

The paths also run along the coastline and, on one particularly interesting stretch, along the skinny strip of land at the very south of the island, where you experience the sea on either side of you, the wind quite possibly coming at you sideways, along with the beach sheep, as you tightrope-bike your way along this strip of land.

That’s a trip!

4. FK What?

Expect naked people to come running out of the sea.

You won’t be surprised unless you missed the sign that says “Textil und FKK”, which means you may wear either your bathing suit or your birthday one. Textil meaning, I guess, any form of cloth, and FKK — Freikörperkultur, or “free body culture” in direct translation.

Don’t say I didn’t warn you. When these Germans get free, they make sure they do it properly.

5. My beloved grumpy Germans.

The Germans do not get less grumpy the farther north you go. The Northerners tend to have a different flavour of grumpy, but sufficiently so that you wouldn’t mistake them for any other nationality. I did, however, detect a hint of more friendliness, although it’s hard to say if that’s an island thing or a Northern thing.

But just in case I thought it was only the Bavarians tainted by ‘the grump’, I got the obligatory head wag when I accidentally stepped a bit too far into the bike path, causing the 54-year-old future athlete to turn his steering slightly to the left. But who knows? The athlete could’ve also been from Munich, given how many people from there travel north to escape the ‘southern’ summer heat.

6. The Shire.

If you make it to Kampen — which is unavoidable, since it sits in the middle of the island — you’ll find an area where you’d be hard-pressed to find a house that costs under €8 million to buy, and yet I couldn’t shake the feeling that I’d entered The Shire, but with Dior across the way.

The gardens are immaculately kept, with their round, trimmed bushes and almost artificially coloured hydrangeas. It’s really something to see, and I immediately imagined a life for myself in one of those hobbit-style thatched houses, with such a garden, three dogs and a Jeep, taking long walks on the beach and having my daily coffee at Kupferkanne (apparently Sylt’s most loved coffee shop).

Then I remembered... the wind.

And the missing €8 million.

7. The light.

There is something very special about the light.

For starters, the sky — when there are no clouds, or only a few — is so blue! A blue I don’t think I’ve ever seen before. Apparently, any pollution that makes its way over from Hamburg or Denmark or wherever has no time to hang around because, you guessed it... wind.

But it’s not only the colour of the sky. It’s the way it stays light until well past 10 p.m., and how a special kind of sunlight catches the grassy landscape, turning everything silvery gold. Against the sea, whether it’s more grey or blue, it stirs something up inside me.

It’s peaceful. It’s beautiful, and stunningly ethereal.

8. Even the beaches have standards.

The thing I dislike most about some beaches in South Africa is that people are allowed to pitch tents — large ones —like they’re moving in for a week.

On Sylt, they’ve designed and built the Strandkorb — literally a “beach basket” — which is essentially a wooden, upholstered box that two people can comfortably fit into and which very successfully protects its inhabitants from the wind.

And because it’s German, it’s engineered rather well, with the ability to swivel around so that you can always lie facing the sun and out of the wind. There is even a little flip table to place a drink on... and it doesn’t ruin the look of the beach.

Very chic!

9. People will say good morning to you, no matter what time of day it is.

“Moin” is how people greet each other here.

It sounds like the German Morgen and the English morning, but linguists argue that it has to do with neither. In fact, they say its meaning is closer to the Dutch mooi, meaning “beautiful” or “good”. So it’s more of a general pleasantry, but to my half-English, half-German ears, it sounds like they’re saying “morning” to me at 8 p.m., which is weird and a bit funny.

I’m into it, but resisted buying the pale blue Heydorn cashmere sweater I saw with “MOIN” woven into the front.

10. Wattenmeer is Meh.

So, on one side of the island, there is the great North Sea, which people describe as rough and wild and expansive.

It is not.

When you come from South Africa and have lived in Cape Town, the North Sea is, well, a bit like the Atlantic, but not nearly as dramatic, deep or wild.

Then, on the other side — the east side of the island — is what is called the Wadden Sea (Wattenmeer). This body of water, for it does not feel right to call it a sea, is an enormous area of very shallow water running along the coast of northern Germany and Denmark. The water averages only a few metres deep and, at low tide, people love to wade through the mud in search of... well, nothing.

Apparently, that’s a joy in and of itself.

A joy I have not been tempted, even vaguely, to try.

I am far too concerned about my toes meeting some crabs and, well, let’s just say I prefer my sea to be deep enough to swim or dive in.

In any event, the Wattenmeer is the seaside most of the houses face, since it is not allowed to build on the dunes of the North Sea — thank goodness. So if you want to see the real sea, you’ll have to park your Defender and walk on over to the beach.

All in all, this island has made its weird way into my heart, and I leave today feeling

windswept, sun-kissed, fresh, and with the distinct feeling that God exists and takes a lot of psychedelics on any given day, because that is what Sylt feels like to me: a charming and bizarre mix of the magical and the mundane.

If you haven’t seen Adolesence watch it, especially if you have children, and especially if you regularly find yourself in eye-rolling conversations where you need to explain what misogyny is.

I was looking forward to watching the much-talked-about series, and from what I’d heard, the writer was exposing the ‘Red Pill’ movement; essentially creating a mini-series version of the very book I was reading. Laura Bates’ Men Who Hate Women is sharp and unflinching; (and at times very hard to read) ; a deep dive into the toxic online communities shaping boys and men.

But the series didn’t ultimately go there. I was disappointed. The truth I know , the one Laura Bates lays bare , was only subtly hinted at, almost hidden beneath aesthetics and ambiguity. It’s such an important series that I feel left too much room for debate.

So what is the Red Pill movement, really?

At its core, it is an online ideology that tells men they have been lied to by society, especially about women. It claims that if men “wake up” and take the so-called “red pill,” they will finally see the truth: that women are manipulative, only interested in status or money, and that men must reassert control if they want to thrive.

But it is more than just ideas. It is strategy.
These communities actively teach boys and men how to “handle” women: how to emotionally withdraw to gain power, how to punish women for having standards, how to treat empathy as weakness, and how to see kindness as a manipulation tactic.

It wraps pseudo-psychology and pop science in a layer of self-improvement, just enough to sound reasonable, and then drives home a worldview rooted in control, fear, and resentment.

And that is what makes it so dangerous.
Because at a time when young people are trying to figure out how to connect, relate, and feel, the Red Pill movement tells them that control is safer than closeness. That the only way to protect themselves is to dehumanise the other.

So what can we do about it?

Read Men who hate women; it’s a really difficult read, I need to consume it in small doses, but as a woman it will help you see all the small (and big) ways you experience misogyny and didn’t quite know why or have language for it. You are not alone, you are not crazy, it’s happening all the time and often done by the most ‘innocent’, that is to say ignorant, of men even at something as routine as a dinner party.

A public Talk (Workshop) this weekend.

April 5th, 2025, 15:30 - 17:30

At Hairu Studio : BOOK HERE

Discover the Hidden Cost of "Independence"

For generations, women have been taught to fear their own power—to shrink themselves into the mould of the Good Girl or fight to prove their worth as the Independent Woman. But what if the very independence we celebrate comes at a hidden cost?

Exhaustion. Isolation. Resentment.
A deep disconnect from pleasure, power, and desire.

What You'll Get

In this transformative workshop, you will:

Uncover the Origins:
Explore the true origins of the “Independent Woman” archetype—how it was created and why it keeps you stuck.

Embrace Your Sins:
Learn how embracing your “sins” (desire, indulgence, ambition, sensuality) can lead to deeper freedom and authentic power.

Practice Approval:
Engage in a guided approval practice designed to help you recognise and reclaim your hidden desires without shame.

Move & Liberate:
Experience a feminine movement and dance session that breaks the patterns of control, restriction, and tension.

Who Is This For?

This workshop is for women who are ready to challenge everything they’ve been conditioned to believe. It’s for anyone who:

• Feels Exhausted or Isolated: Seeking deeper connection and pleasure.

• Is Tired of the “Good Girl” Script: Ready to break free from outdated paradigms.

• Craves Authentic Empowerment: Desiring to reclaim the full spectrum of their feminine power.

• Wants a Full-Body Awakening: Looking for a transformative experience that goes beyond just a mindset shift.

Are You Ready?

And because of that, these men wish certain things about women were true.

But they’re not.

Read more

• Are women aware of the internalized stories influencing their lives?

• How does patriarchy present in therapy?

• Is it possible to step outside of the given cultural narratives and truly know what we want?

Phillip, a self-professed patriarch, shares his perspective—including the ways he’s worked to dismantle his own conditioning. We challenge each other, push back on assumptions, and examine how these ingrained beliefs shape relationships, personal identity, and even therapy itself.

It’s a conversation filled with honest reflection, intellectual friction, and a few laughs along the way. Whether you see patriarchy as an oppressive force, an old stubborn consciousness, or just the default narrative we’ve inherited, this episode invites you to question, challenge, and rethink the stories that shape us.

🎧 Listen now and join the conversation in the comments!

I will never understand why January feels like a forever month and February flies by like nothing happened and suddenly 2025 is here, and we’re into another year wondering if it’s too late to jot down some new year’s resolutions.

That’s how I feel anyway, maybe you can relate.

The good news however is that I’ve spent a considerable amount of time this February planning 3 upcoming in person events I want to share with you.

Public Talk at Herspace

The first is happening on the 8^th March. It takes the form of a 30 minute talk I’ll be giving at the opening of an incredible ‘workout and wellness’ space in Munich called Herspace https://www.herspace-munich.com/openingprogram

Their open day includes yoga, pilates, cacao ceremonies, feminine movement classes, talks (mine is on Good Girl Conditioning) and a cafe! I’d love you to come by. You don’t need to register for the talk, just swing by and come say hi.

The 7 Deadly Sins (a Workshop) at Hairu Studio

The next day, 9^th March, I am running another workshop at Hairu https://www.hairu.de/events/. (Info still to be updated on their website, so for now, just save the date) 15:30-17:30.

This Workshop is titled: The Hidden Price of Independence: Why the 7 Deadly Sins are your Path to Freedom… more coming soon.

The way of the Courtesan: An Exclusive Paris Experience:

A Luxurious Immersion into Feminine Power, Presence & Seduction

Paris, France

New Date Coming Soon (September)

Limited to 5-8 Women Only

Step into the world of the legendary courtesans—women who mastered the art of allure, confidence, and influence.

This is not just a trip. It’s an immersive, transformative experience designed for women who desire to embody feminine magnetism, deepen their presence, and awaken their most captivating self.

Inspired by the legendary courtesans of Paris, this weekend is a blend of history, elegance, and modern embodiment.

The dates have not yet been confirmed but will happen in September this year

Since there is only space for 5-8 women, it’s important that the combination of women and intentions align. You are therefore welcome to apply to receive an invitation by completing the form here. An Exclusive Paris Experience

Listen to my Podcast

last week I recorded a Podcast with psychologist Philip Cohen on redefining how we as women can keep love and romance alive without losing ourselves. Give it a listen here Cherryl Duncan's Podcast or listen on Spotify Here

Subscribe to my weekly Substack

Also, remember , you get access to my exclusive weekly articles which I record like a mini podcast for full subscribers. This week I’m writing about cultivating feminine energy and what that ACTUALLY looks like. Not as a concept, but practically speaking. This is gold!

Subscribe now

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I love hearing from you, so please drop a comment on the blogs, the podcasts on IG or simply send me a mail.

Have a magic weekend bunnies!

Cherryl

What if the way we've been conditioned to experience love is all wrong? What if the intoxicating highs and devastating lows that so many of us chase in relationships are not love, but something else entirely? What if true erotic energy isn’t something that comes from a man, but from within ourselves?

This week on the podcast, I sat down with the brilliant Phillip Cohen to unpack a concept that has been stirring up deep conversations across my social media and personal reflections: Love love, not the man, for you will forever be in his power.

It's a line from Dangerous Beauty, a film about the political and personal power of courtesans in Renaissance Venice. But more than a historical reference, it’s a wake-up call to modern women. How often do we hand over our own power in relationships, mistaking the rush of emotions as proof of love? How often do we fall into the narrative that tells us we need a man to "wake us up"—just like the fairy tales taught us?

Phillip and I dive deep into the roots of these beliefs, exploring everything from the fairy tale scripts we’ve all internalised (Sleeping Beauty, anyone?) to the ways patriarchal conditioning has shaped not just women’s expectations, but men’s roles in relationships, too.

We discuss:

• The difference between erotic energy and romantic love

• Why women have historically married their sense of desire to a man, instead of cultivating it independently

• The paradox of modern feminism and its impact on relationships

• How both men and women are trapped in outdated relationship dynamics—and how to break free

• Practical steps to reclaim your own erotic, creative energy without making your partner the centre of your universe

If you’ve ever found yourself losing parts of who you are in a relationship, if you’ve felt the intoxicating pull of passion only to watch it fade into resentment and obligation, or if you’ve wondered why love stories always seem to follow the same frustrating patterns, this conversation is for you.

This is not about abandoning love. It’s about understanding it differently. It's about loving love itself—as an experience, an energy, a force within you—rather than placing your power in the hands of another person.

Intrigued? Listen to the full episode here and let’s continue this conversation.

Drop a comment below—what does this phrase mean to you? Love love, not the man. How does it land? What parts of your own story does it stir up?

With love

Cherryl

This line from Dangerous Beauty is spoken by the mother of a soon-to-be courtesan as she teaches her daughter the so-called tricks of the trade. It comes as both guidance and warning as she prepares her daughter to step into the arms of a powerful and desirable man for the night.

At the time I watched this movie, I was deeply immersed in energetic work rooted in Taoist practices, specifically designed for the female body. These practices focus on cultivating space within the energetic body to expand one’s capacity to receive and hold more. Imagine holding a container filled to the brim with water. Someone comes along with the purest mountain spring water from Fiji, offering to pour some into your container, but because it is already full, anything added simply spills over.

Now, imagine that container within your body, specifically the womb. In Taoist practice, men visualise this space as the Dan Tian, the body's energetic centre. Now, imagine there was a way to digest that water, creating space for more. With each cycle of receiving and integrating, the container expands, allowing you to hold even more the next time. This is the essence of the practice, continuously cultivating the capacity to receive, process, and expand.

The result of this practice is an immense capacity to receive. When a woman expands her ability to receive, she becomes a walking, breathing, magnetic force, effortlessly attracting everything she desires—love, money, attention, power, joy, and opportunity.

Read more

I'm back in Munich after a month long trip to Southern Africa and as I write this I'm sitting on my deck overlooking the Tegernsee. I love it out here, it's quiet and stunning and best of all, I get to do what I love most, write. I’m still working on my book which, if you’ve written one yourself is a long and slow but magical process. As I get closer to publishing it, I’ll reveal more about what it’s about.

In Person Yoga Workshop

If you’re up for seeing me in person and are in Munich next Sunday (9th February) then come join me for a workshop at the Hairu studio for a 2 hour workshop. Every single one of us has a GOOD GIRL inside us. Yes, even the men, especially the ones brought up in Germany. Refer to the article I wrote about German Relationship Culture (It’s a trip) and the story that got over half a million views on Tiktok. Understanding German Relationship Culturan

In this workshop you’ll get the opportunity to recognise your own GOOD GIRL. What is she like? How does she show up? Where does she hold you back? And what has she cost you? You’ll also get to understand why she is there and what she is trying to protect. You’ll also learn how this all relates to yoga and how the GOOD GIRL resonates (perhaps not in the most liberating way) to a lot of YOGIC IDEALS. It’s a bit disruptive but it’s going to kind of blow you mind and hopefully your heart. There will also be a powerful and grounding integrative yoga session. All you need is an open mind, a sense of curiosity and be preparde to have a bit of fun too. You can sign up for the workshop here. Breaking Free from the Good Girl

Get more of my Substack

I’m also writing my weekly substack which I’m also enjoying as it gives me the opportunity to directly correct with you. Thank you by the way for your feedback and all the love, it means the world to know that we’re connected on this wonderful and sometimes fucking weird journey.

Here’s a little preview of the article dropping TODAY!! Along with a recording of the article like a mini podcast in case you prefer listening instead of reading.

This one is all about levelling up and why it’s actually painful to expand into a happier, more fulfilled life.

‘Do you know what it feels like to expand energetically? If you’re not used to working with energetics or are new to ‘feeling’ energy, then you may be confused. That’s not to say you haven’t felt energy, you just may not have the language for it.

Perhaps the best way to describe it is pushing yourself beyond your comfort zone and observing how your body and emotions respond.

Close your eyes and bring to mind the last time you did something that scared you a little. Take yourself to that exact moment if you can and recall how you felt. Was it painful in any way? Were you filled with doubt? Anxiety? Did you experience the ‘cringe’; that kind of squirmy, uncomfortable, twisty kind of feeling? Or Maybe you felt yourself slide into a kind of depression just before doing the thing?

This is the pain of expansion. This is what it feels like to energetically expand; to reset your new edge, your new baseline, your new LEVELLED UP self.

There is a lot of talk about ‘levelling up’, especially in the world of social media and it sounds great right? It even sounds easy to do, after all, why aren't we all just levelling up every day and stepping into the better version of ourselves we all know we can be?

Why do we struggle to keep our New Year's resolutions, whether it's meditating, practicing face yoga or regular yoga, starting strength training, setting boundaries, reducing screen time, or finally writing that book? (Okay, now you know all of mine.) Simply put, because change can be massively uncomfortable.

There is a pain to expanding and we don’t like it.’

If you’d like to recieve weekly articles and mini podcasts then go ahead and become a full subscriber. I would LOVE that mostly because it also gives us a chance to connect. You can leave comments, hear what others are saying and stay more in touch.

Subscribe now

Happy Sunday Bunnies and thanks for being here.

Cherryl

My page is certainly not for everyone, but I will tell you exactly who it IS for. It’s for those women (and men) who’ve been told overtly or otherwise that they are ‘too much’. Other sentiments include

She’s a lot

She’s difficult

She’s dramatic

She’s emotional

She’s just looking for attention

I could go on, but if you’re already nodding your head in recognition, you won’t need me to.

I’ve spent my entire life swinging between embracing my complexity; leaning into self-expression where my creativity thrives, and spiralling deeply into shame. My shame has a seething, contortive voice that whispers "What's wrong with me?”. It’s this shame that has me hiding, shrinking, and reducing myself to smaller, more palatable pieces. It’s the kind of shame that has me questioning and doubting my worthiness as a person, and at times my right to even exist at all.

No, I am not being dramatic. That is what a very deep shame spiral can do to a person. Also, if you think I’m being dramatic, I’d encourage you to examine what that says about you.

If you can relate however, I want you to look at those people you feel the smallest around. Those who overtly or covertly tell you to simmer down, who react with aggression (passive or otherwise) to your opinions or to an expression of your thoughts and feelings. Look at those who react to how you dress (Aren’t you cold in that? Aren’t your shoes uncomfortable?) and to those that seem to go quiet and retract in your presence.

Then ask yourself the following powerful question:

Are these people living in alignment with what sets my heart on fire? Would I want their life? Would I want to be them? If the answer is no, then it becomes easier to see that their reactions are a reflection of their own limitations (or values) and not a reflection of your worth.

(By the way, you can listen to this article as a mini podcast here)

Internalise this like a mantra if you have to: you are not too much; you’re simply in the presence of someone grappling with their own limitations.

It’s taken me a very long time to understand this. As someone who loves to create, think, question, analyse, and feel the world deeply, I couldn’t see how expressing myself could evoke envy, resentment, aggression, and even hate in others toward me. After a particularly vulnerable share, I almost always experienced a shame attack, often triggered by a negative remark, being dismissed, ignored, or misunderstood. For a long time, it didn’t occur to me that this had almost everything to do with their inner struggles.

If you’ve surrounded yourself with people in your life where you’ve had to contort yourself into something quieter, softer and more palatable, where you’ve had to cherry pick your words before getting a sentence out, then it may be time for the following course of action: I wish I could tell you how long this process will take, but it’s different for everyone. I would suggest preparing for a season of it. I know that may seem like a long time, but living a life where you get to be yourself and loved for who you are, is well worth the work.

Step 1.

Lay low for awhile

It’s winter, so it’s the perfect time to do this. If you can, retract from seeing people you don’t absolutely have to. This will give you time to examine how you feel around certain people. Also, time alone is the most effective way to truly know yourself. If you don’t have an intimate and validating relationship with yourself, it’s unlikely you’ll be able to have that kind of relationship with anyone else. Notice how you speak to yourself; notice if there’s judgment, harshness, or any unkindness. Be very, very kind to yourself and find ways to deeply approve of wherever you are in your life. I find Elizabeth Gilbert’s Letters to Love practice extremely beneficial for this.

Step 2

Engage with those that reflect your values

While this may seem like a dangerous sentiment, especially in the context of social media, where we often limit our interactions to those who think like us, this is an important time of discovery , and it’s crucial that you surround yourself with people who feel safe to you. Surround yourself with those who reflect your deepest, most tender desires. You will have an idea of what those desires are because you have been following Step 1.

Step 3

Perform your own experiments

Become vigilant about how you feel with certain people and after certain interactions. If you are uncertain about a relationship in your life where you have to make yourself smaller, cherry pick your words, or perform an "abort mission" action after a particularly exuberant share, then spend less time with that person or examine if you need to spend time with them at all. Create an access boundary for that person, limiting the time and circumstances in which you see them according to your own comfort level. It is advisable not to test your deepest opinions, thoughts, and feelings with these people, which is why you get to limit their access to you. This is a time when being "inauthentic" can actually be useful. Keep your shares minimal around these people for as long as you can tolerate, and then find a polite way to exit. Journal about how you feel after each interaction.

Step 4

Find people you feel safe with

This can feel lonely at first, as you realise there may be less than a handful of people you can be vulnerable with. (And that’s a lot.) As someone who advocates for authenticity and has even written a book about it (see here), it took a minute for my ego to realise that, while I express myself well, there are times when it doesn’t land with others. There are moments when I open myself up to attack and, perhaps most damaging, when I speak from the deepest part of myself to those least able to hear it. This is the kind of masochistic behaviour the wounded part of my ego loves. Eckhart Tolle calls this the pain body, and mine is a hungry little bitch.

Step 5

Start sharing what’s truly on your heart

Often, because we’ve been dismissed, ignored, criticised, and shamed into silence, we’ve learned to be in the world in a way that is inauthentic. Some people’s inauthenticity will manifest as people pleasing and being quiet; while others, and if you’re resonating with this article, have developed another way of relating less than authentically, although it may be more difficult to spot. Perhaps you say one thing, but mean another, or the words come out but aren’t exactly right, or the ‘touch’ you respond with is uncalibrated; meaning it comes out too harsh, or completely ineffectively.

There’s a reason for that, and it’s not just ‘your personality’ or because you’re ‘too much’, it’s most likely because the feedback you received in childhood was also largely uncalibrated.

By now, if you’ve spent enough time with Steps 1 - 4 you would’ve developed much more awareness of when and with whom to share your most authentic self with. With practice you’ll become stronger and more resilient in the calibrated way you express yourself and you will need to be a lot less vigilant. This means you’ll be able to relax, be playful with your expression, say what you feel and will care a whole lot less about those who can’t hear you. Much like a small plant needs to be protected and nurtured while it grows, so does your self expression. Once strong enough, you can sing from the proverbial rooftops and say whatever you want because you’ll be robust and discerning enough to know that if someone else doesn’t like it, it’s on them and not because you’re too much.

It’s been a month of travel and reflection for me. I left Munich shortly after Christmas and headed south for my annual South Africa visit, taking an exquisite stop in Namibia along the way.

It was my first time in Namibia and since I only had a week, I headed straight from Windhoek to Sossusvlei, aka the desert. If you’ve been following me for a while, you may know that my travels are not random. The destinations I choose always have a purpose: space, stillness, luxury, and love at their core.

Space, in that I value privacy and vast, unique landscapes. Stillness, in that I cherish quiet. Luxury, in that I treasure space, calm, and beauty. And love, because travel is an opportunity to connect with and fall in love with different parts of myself and, sometimes, with others I meet along the way.

Namibia was no exception. Landing in the heart of the desert after flying in a tiny plane from Windhoek, and then driving a short distance to the only lodge for miles, felt like the deepest exhale I’ve taken in months. While most people visit for just a few days, as there isn’t much to “do,” a full week here felt absolutely perfect to me.

&Beyond, the renowned conservation-focused travel company I’ve known and worked with years ago, were the ideal hosts for this extraordinary experience. Their core values; Care of the Land, Care of the Wildlife, and Care of the People, resonate deeply with my own, making this trip deeply touching and surprisingly transformational.

Here’s a post I wrote while I was there (It was for Instagram so forgive it’s pithiness)

It’s surprisingly profound that I find myself in Namibia at the end of 2024 in that it’s the only place on the planet that my two seemingly unrelated worlds meet and weave into what feels like a reflection of me.

My Southern African roots, (South Africa being the place I was born) and the 12 years I’ve lived in Germany.

Being a South African living in Germany has made little sense to most, myself included, and yet something kept me in Germany making it home with an inexplicable relentlessness.

Being here now in Namibia evokes an interesting reflection that speaks to the absurd mismatch I’ve always felt since I left ‘home’.

And yet, here I am , experiencing a land, a place, a moment in time that outwardly reflects the coming together of these two worlds.

It is unsurprising to me that the landscape would be as unique as the combination itself.

2024 was the year I got my German Passport, it’s also the year that I started appreciating, remembering and valuing the South African in me, something I had to leave quite far behind in order to embrace my new country and home.

I am not German, I am also no longer quite South African but rather a unique and beautiful integration of the two.

As an immigrant/expat, do you feel that you’ve had to become a unique blend of your old and new countries,, and if so, in what ways do you express that?

I’d love to know….

Here’s what’s happening this month:

New Article + Mini Podcast out TODAY
My latest article, How Ancient Yoga Philosophy Reinforces ‘Good Girl’ Conditioning, is out today, along with a mini podcast where I read it aloud. I’m really putting myself out there with this one, sharing statements that I know might invite some criticism. But giving myself permission to speak from the heart has been essential to me on this; it’s what’s allowed me to return to teaching yoga again! (Hint: if you’ve been thinking about upgrading your subscription, now’s the perfect time!) Please feel free to leave a comment, I’d love nothing more than to hear from you and this platform right here allows for that, isn’t that great?

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Workshop in Munich (February 9th)
I make my return to teaching debut in Munich on the 9th of February at Hairu from 15:30 to 17:30.

The first part of the workshop has me talking about my journey into feminine awakening, patriarchy and how these show up in the practice of yoga. I then teach an hour long integrative yoga class. All levels welcome, men too :)

Book your spot here

I hope January is treating you well, let me know what lights you up and what you’re hoping to have more of in 2025.

I’m headed to Cape Town next week where I’ll be writing my next article and recording it’s mini podcast version on PEOPLE PLEASING: The Dark Side! I hope to connect with you there.

Thank you for being part of this growing community.

Yours,
Cherryl

I’m now totally into it, mainly because it feels like a space reminiscent of the golden, early days of the internet, where longer-form content and the capacity to concentrate for more than 30 seconds had value. Being a writer and a lover of all things that have depth and complexity, I certainly feel like I’ve found a place to call home for my thoughts, musings, and sometimes raging rants (I promise to keep those to a minimum).

My favourite way to connect with you is through my writing and podcasting, and now, even better, there’s a space for you to tell me what you think and what you want to hear and read more of. I’m beyond excited and hope you’ll take the time (just a little) to acquaint yourself with the platform so you and I can stay connected.

The best way to describe this newsletter is that if we were friends, these are the things I’d be sharing with you over a cup of cacao (naturally, from Peru 😉). I can be a little intense at times (I know, it’s a lot), but I promise it always comes from a place of good intention.

I’ll be diving into the things that set my soul on fire: my writing, my travels, the ideas that keep me up at night, my evolving perspective on relationships as an unapologetically unmarried woman without children, and how I’m rethinking just about everything, from yoga and patriarchy to luxury travel (and what that actually means).

This space is where I can slow down, dig deeper, and share the things I usually don’t have time for in a quick post. It’s where I get to be unapologetically myself—a little aloof to some, maybe a touch too much for others, but always authentic, and hopefully sparking something meaningful in you along the way.

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I’m Cherryl Duncan, a South African-born yoga teacher, author, and seeker of truth. For nearly 20 years, I’ve been teaching yoga and delving deeply into the wisdom of spirituality, psychology, and the human experience. Right now, I’m immersed in writing The Way of the Courtesan, a book that bridges the spiritual and material realms while challenging how we relate to money, love, and ourselves.

I’m also inviting you to join me on my travels, to the places that light me up, make my heart race, and remind me of the depth and beauty of life. These aren’t just random getaways; they’re destinations infused with space, soul, and purpose. I seek places where luxury meets mindfulness, where every detail feels intentional. It’s not about ticking boxes; it’s about connecting with the world in a way that resonates with the deepest parts of who I am. And I want to bring these experiences to you—not through a polished travel guide, but in a way that’s raw, real, and true to the journey. These moments inspire me, and I hope they’ll spark something meaningful in you too.

Why Am I Doing This?

This newsletter isn’t just for you, it’s also part of my journey to stay connected to my truth. As a yoga teacher, I’ve spent over 20 years guiding others to reconnect with their bodies, minds, and souls. But along the way, I realized I also needed space to reconnect with myself. After taking an 18-month hiatus from teaching and coaching, I finally allowed myself to reclaim all the parts of who I am: the writer, the teacher, the speaker, and the traveler.

This is the space where I get to make no sense. The place where I don’t have to fit into a niche or deliver a single-minded message. It’s where I get to express and share all the things I love (and sometimes hate).

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So, What Will I Be Doing Here?

I want to offer you more than just a sharing of my experiences and perspectives (the internet is already overflowing with that). Expect musings on everything from personal growth and healing to reflections on how we, as women, can embrace our true power. I’ll delve deep into the philosophy of yoga, the intersection of feminism and spirituality, and how we can redefine our relationships with ourselves, money, and the world around us.

You’ll also find curated favourites, books, products, and travel secrets that add richness to my life, alongside transformational practices and tools to help you navigate your own journey of self-discovery and evolution. My goal is to spark conversation, invite you to think outside the box, and share practices that inspire healing, growth, and stepping into your fullest potential. I’m thrilled to walk this path with you. Let’s see where this journey takes us.

Why Substack?

For a long time, I shared my work through social media, but something about it always felt slightly out of alignment. Social media has been an incredible tool for reaching people, sharing ideas, and connecting, but it’s also overwhelming and draining. The constant noise and fragmented content left me craving a space that’s slower, deeper, and allows me to connect more meaningfully.

That’s why I’ve created this Substack.

This space feels like exactly what I’ve been looking for, a place where I can share my thoughts in full, without condensing them into bite-sized posts or quick videos. I’ve always believed that complexity and nuance make life beautiful, and I need a platform where I can express that. Here, there are no algorithms to fight, no endless scrolling, and no quick judgments. Just real connection.

When you step into this space, I want it to feel like entering a clean, open, minimally decorated room, with the gentle scent of a candle in the air and a warm cup of tea in your hands. Here, we can pause, share stories, dive into life’s deeper questions, and explore topics like feminism, creativity, spirituality, and the messy, wonderful parts of being a woman in today’s world.

Over the past 20 years, I’ve been teaching yoga, writing, and studying practices like Tibetan Buddhism and Ayurveda. This Substack is where I can bring all of that together. Expect deep dives into my work in progress (including my upcoming book, The Way of the Courtesan), explorations of the healing feminine, my travel experiences, and so much more. I’ll also share the things that inspire me: the books I’m reading, my thoughts on living with purpose and intention, and everything that fuels a meaningful life.

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What Can You Expect?

As a free subscriber, you’ll receive occasional newsletters offering a glimpse into my thoughts and the work I’m doing. These will include personal stories, essays, and a little bit of everything in between.

For those who choose to join me as paid subscribers (€5.99 per month or €60 annually), you’ll unlock much more. Your support allows me to dedicate time to creating deeper, more thoughtful content. As a paid subscriber, you’ll get:

• More frequent newsletters filled with creative insights, personal reflections, and curated book, product, and travel recommendations.

• Exclusive audio content: Weekly recordings of my essays, like bite-sized podcasts.

• Access to a members-only community where you can connect with like-minded individuals and discuss topics that matter to you.

• Opportunities to participate in my creative process, including exclusive previews of upcoming projects and behind-the-scenes insights.

Founding Members (€150 annually)

For those who choose to become Founding Members, I offer my deepest gratitude and some extra perks:

• Exclusive access to a library of dharma talks from the past three years, organised into a mini-podcast format. Each talk is 3–5 minutes long and available for download directly to your device.

• First access to tickets for any future events or workshops I host.

This dilemma is not uncommon. We often find ourselves in a “should I stay or should I go?” chapter—sometimes for so long it becomes an exhausting mental loop. The question is: what if leaving isn’t the only answer?

A Courtesan’s Perspective on Relationships

Consider the courtesan’s approach. Rather than expecting one person to meet all needs, she relied on a circle of relationships, where each man played a different role, fulfilling different desires. This allowed her to avoid the resentment that often creeps in when we place all expectations on one partner.

Life as a Grand Play

Imagine life as a stage where each person around you has a role to play, and you are the leading character. In your play, you may have a sidekick, a mentor, or even comic relief. Not everyone has to be everything. Like Esther Perel suggests, create a village of support for yourself rather than placing every need on a single person.

Reassigning Roles and Redefining Boundaries

Reassigning roles can offer a fresh perspective on relationships. Perhaps a friend is perfect for fun nights out but not for emotional support. Accepting people’s capacities allows us to enjoy each person for what they bring, rather than faulting them for what they lack. When we stop expecting others to be all things, our relationships become more enjoyable and less burdened by unmet desires.

Moving Forward with Brutal Honesty

Redefining roles requires honesty—first about what we truly want, then about what each person is able and willing to offer. Sometimes this may involve difficult conversations or small mindset shifts that can revive a relationship. Or it may mean reshaping the relationship altogether, even with a partner. When unmet desires are voiced, they lose the shame that grows in silence, and true intimacy often flows back.

In relationships, it’s less about “should I stay or should I go?” and more about how to realign, redefine, and rediscover joy in the roles people play in your life.

All women to some extent, have internalised ideas of success. productivity, power and autonomy as it was presented to us by an order that did all it could to suppress the feminine. 

As a sheer means to survival, most women would’ve aligned with what they thought to be the greatest power (which lay with the men for a very long time)  while their innate power was kept hidden, not only from the world but from themselves, which has been a big contributor in keeping this stubborn consciousness alive for so long. 

Breaking up with patriarchy is a painful and scary process, but it can be done. Regaining your innate feminine power is the most magical, liberating and intoxicating journey a woman can go on.

In what ways are you aligning with patriarchal ideals?

Do you find yourself still pitting yourself against other women? Do you find yourself spending a damaging amount of time, energy and resource on how you look? Are you so busy mothering, your kids, your partner, your community that you have no time to reflect on the real source of you own happiness?

This is not intended to shame any woman. We have all participated, we can all start to break free. Not because we’re falling prey to the same ideals that make  men sick, disconnected and living in fear, but free as a result of brining the feminine back into the light. Her healing, her energy, her force, her wrath, her cyclical nature, her love, her beauty, her pleasure and her power. 

They are three of my favourite courtesans from the time between the 17^th and 19^th Century. Favourite because they were outrageous, daring, bold and extremely influential. They embodied the Feminine in a way we rarely see today. We as women can learn a lot from certain skills women like these mastered and bring the spirit of the courtesan back in a way that doesn’t make us equal to men, but rather beautifully and powerfully complementary. 

Cora Pearl, a 19th-century French courtesan known for her flamboyant lifestyle, daring personality, and impressive sense of humour, rose to prominence by captivating some of the most influential men of her time. Pearl was famous not only for her romantic liaisons but also for her extravagant salons, where she would perform unexpected stunts—my favourite being when she dyed her pet rabbits pink to match her dress. Embracing her role as a courtesan, she became exceptionally wealthy, independently acquiring property and investing in high-value jewellery—a remarkable achievement for a woman of that era.

Coco (Gabrielle) Chanel, though less known for her beginnings as a courtesan, started her career with financial support from two wealthy lovers to launch her fashion business. Driven by ambition and a desire for financial independence, Chanel sought to defy social norms by incorporating masculine elements into her designs—by the way, a skilful blend of masculine and feminine qualities often used by the most adept seducers. This approach was central to her success and helped revolutionise women's fashion.

Ninon de l’Enclos, a 17th-century French courtesan, was known for her intelligence, beauty, and wit. Unlike many women of her time, she openly challenged societal norms that confined women to submissive roles. Ninon refused to marry, famously declaring, "I was born free and will die free," rejecting the notion that her life should be defined by a man. Instead, she used the wealth she gained from her lovers to pursue her own ambitions. Well-read in literature, philosophy, and the arts, Ninon was respected for her sharp intellect and ability to engage in deep, meaningful conversations. Her influence extended far beyond her romantic relationships, making her a significant cultural figure who helped shape the social and intellectual landscape of her era.

Talk of courtesans is rare in 2024 however the essence of the profession, though seemingly outdated, has evolved into what we now consider simple sex work. This modern version is a stark contrast to the role courtesans once played, where the pursuit of money, power, and influence went far beyond mere transactions. Today, sex work is primarily focused on financial gain. In contrast, the courtesan's path to financial independence involved more than just romantic engagements. What distinguished her from a prostitute in those times were two key aspects: her ability to truly experience pleasure and her profound, unapologetic connection to her desires—whether sensual, material, or intellectual.

A courtesan celebrated her life, enjoyed her femininity, and lived free of constraints—privileges that women ‘fortunate’ enough to marry into financial security didn’t enjoy."

At the turn of the 20th century, with the rise of first-wave feminism, industrialisation, and the spread of Victorian morality along with Christianity, an entire social reform emerged that imposed strict expectations on women to embody virtues like modesty, purity, and submissiveness. A woman’s primary role was to be a devoted wife and nurturing mother, responsible for upholding family honour and managing household affairs.

Here’s the thing though, these values were not only imposed, they were enforced in a way that became very dangerous for women to oppose them. Not adhering to the idea of being ‘marriageable’ (modest, pure and submissive) meant no access to money, and no access to money, could and often did mean death. Women were not allowed to own property or bank accounts unless they were married and even then, men kept and managed the finances. Being modest, pure and submissive became a matter of survival. 

The best a woman at this time could do was to marry well, and her (and very often her mother’s efforts), went into ensuring she presented herself as modest, pure, submissive and nurturing if she had any hope of securing a husband. 

This was 300 years ago and yet I’m sure, especially if you are a woman, you can recognise yourself somewhere in these sentiments. In our western culture, certainly here in Germany, there has been a rebellion against purity, modesty and submission, certainly on the outside, but women of today still equate being financially dependent on a man with having to be pure, modest and submissive. This is exactly the sentiment I am challenging and where we can look to the courtesans who relied exclusively on their romantic liaisons for financial support, and were quite literally the opposite of pure, modest and submissive. 

I am not suggesting all women should take on this role, but I am seeing that, as women, we’ve gone from ‘not needing’ to ‘not being able to enjoy at all’. Be it men, validation, approval, support, help, anything really. We’ve cultivated so much self sufficiency and ‘self love’ that we’ve lost the ability to receive it and enjoy even if its there, wanting to be given. Perhaps we aren’t actual courtesans (perhaps we are) but we can learn a lot about pleasure, receiving and feminine power from these women.

A lot of women today work very hard to ensure they remain financially completely independent of a man. I say that there are very few people who can claim to being truly financially independent. It may not be a man in the romantic sense, but a woman’s entrapment may come from the company she works for, her boss, the patriarchal system as a whole; essentially it is very difficult to not serve ‘the Man’ in some sense. 

‘The Man’ and men are not going anywhere very soon so we may as well as women, find a way to get along with them, and take a leaf out of the courtesan’s book and even enjoy them!

I have coached, facilitated groups of and mentored dozens of women who fall into two categories, either those trapped in the legacy of a modern day version of the Victorian morality ideal (devoted wife or wannabe wife and nurturing mother) and the other, super independent, isolated ‘doing it all herself’ ‘warrioring’ her way through life kind of woman, whether she’s married or not.

Studies repeatedly show that the happiest demographic is unmarried women without children. Yet, most single women I meet still place marriage and children high on their list of desires, often at the very top. This reflects Simone de Beauvoir's assertion that "one is not born, but rather becomes, a woman." Here, I'm referring to the socially constructed role of a woman, not her innate feminine energy, which is a separate matter. We, as women, have been conditioned to desire marriage because society has told us to want marriage.

Let’s talk about men. Specifically the men as they are in relationship to women. Get any number of women together and then get her talking about her (male) partner, father, colleague, boss or the patriarchy in general and the emotion you will feel very quickly in the room is one of intense frustration. 

Say what you will about the courtesan, but one thing she wasn’t was frustrated with the men in her life. So how did she manage not only to avoid perpetual frustration but also to genuinely enjoy the men around her?

It comes down to one key ingredient. Something we as modern women also have access to. 

She simply made herself the focus. She was deeply in touch with her desires. She knew that her authentic desire created enough magnetic pull, to bring all the pleasure, beauty, extravagance, wealth and freedom to her.

It’s not surprising that during the courtesan era, accusations of witchcraft would arise, particularly when a courtesan became too influential or found herself in difficult situations. Her ability to "bewitch" powerful men and gain social standing often led to these claims.

What I suspect the courtesans didn't realise is that they were engaging in a very ancient energetic practice, essentially practicing tantra without knowing it. (Some might call that rather witchy). They were powerful energetic alchemists, transforming everything around them into erotic energy. They could do this because they had freed themselves from the forces that suppress these natural powers and energies inherent in all women.

Today, the forces that tamper down the Feminine are largely invisible. It’s called patriarchy and we’re all , men and women alike, waking up to and starting to dismantle this destructive consciousness, as we become more aware of the Feminine, in all the way she is presents (regardless of gender). This of course is very good news for women, however, the Feminine in most women has been so deeply repressed, that even she has become a stranger to these magnetic, seductive and powerful forces. 

For a long time, women believed their power lay in achieving equality or adopting more "masculine" traits—traits that have also been distorted by our culture, though with less harm to men. These masculine traits, such as hyper-productivity, relentless pursuit of failing strategies, pushing harder, and an intense focus on patriarchal definitions of success, often came at the expense of the Feminine. The most insidious impact has been the repression, denial, and disembodiment of Feminine qualities like emotional intelligence, intuition, creativity, clairvoyance and community building.

For the past two years, I have been deeply immersed in exploring and understanding my own Feminine energy. During this journey, I discovered a profound connection to the practices I engaged in while studying Chinese martial arts 20 years ago. Back then, I practiced Qi Gong, Tai Chi, and Taoist meditation and delved into Taoism, all before embarking on my Tibetan Buddhist studies or even beginning my journey into studying and teaching yoga.

I never imagined that my exploration of the Feminine would draw so heavily on the knowledge I gained from these studies of energetics. The Feminine has been so concealed from my awareness that, despite my study of concepts like Yin and Yang, I still hadn’t awakened to the deep connection I now feel to my own Feminine essence.

Getting to know her has taken me to the darkest places of rage and grief that felt older than just my own. I have grieved for the women (and men) who have gone before me and the generations of hurt and betrayal and pain that women have suffered and still do. 

This journey led me to a sort of reclamation of my past, a recognising of patterns that I would repeat throughout my life revealing an inherent and undeniable archetype; that of the courtesan. 

Since I have brought her to the forefront of my life, recognising her as my inner feminine, I have more vitality, abundance and more love than I knew was possible. I am ready to share the tools, practices and theories I use in my every day life with you. 

I am writing a book called The Way of The Courtesan, and launching a coaching program centred around the Feminine. 

I am launching the program with a one day workshop live and in person in Munich.

It’s called ALCHEMISING the 7 DEADLY SINS.

You can register for it here. 

More Info & Registration

There is a wonderful exercise that I do when I want to ground myself in true confidence. I say true confidence because standing in front of a mirror repeating positive affirmations that I really don’t feel authentically at all simply doesn’t work for me. This affirmation repetition has a futuristic unrealism to it that makes me want to say (repeatedly) who are you kidding? And since starting my day laughing at myself is not my preferred approach to a good life, I find myself time and time again going back to a practice that feels more true and looks instead to the past.

The exercise goes like this: Say you are interviewing for a job and you want to be confident, eloquent, present, and calm, but in fact, you feel anxious and full of doubt.

Take some time to think about all the times you aced an interview, and write them down. Be as specific as possible. Think about all the times you were eloquent and present under pressure, and write them down. Keep going until you run out of steam. Take a moment to notice how you feel in your body.

Not only does this exercise change the energy in your body, but it also gives you great insight into your story, who you are, and your natural strengths and talents. Done regularly, you can become deeply intimate with what makes you, you. Not because someone else told you, which we very rarely believe anyway, but because you come to know this for yourself to be true.

I closed my online yoga business last year in September. It hadn’t worked out the way I wanted it to and I found myself burnt out, disillusioned and questioning my path. I took a year off from everything and made myself one promise: I wouldn’t do a single thing if it didn’t feel authentic and aligned with the present moment. Of course this was not done perfectly but I made this my purpose. I wanted to see what would happen if I took all ego identification away from anything relating to my work and promised myself that I would turn on my curiosity to see what would happen if I simply existed, without an agenda.

This was incredibly difficult and my ego hated it. Putting down my identity as yoga teacher was really difficult but entirely necessary for me. This confused almost everyone in my life which, for someone who loves being understood, was really challenging. But I felt such an inner drive for authenticity and I found myself repeating almost robotically whenever it came up, that I was no longer teaching yoga. My yoga teacher identity truly felt like a too tight coat I couldn’t wait to get out of.

I watched what I was drawn to read, the people I was drawn to spend time with, what I would watch, and how I would spend my days. It was during this process that I discovered this powerful exercise that revealed some interesting clues.

The exercise is a kind of ‘taking stock’ of all the times I have gotten what I wanted. Since I needed a new vocation, I looked to all the times I received money, gifts, accolades and invitations.

Through this exercise, I discovered my natural talent for attracting large sums of money and substantial gifts from certain types of people (mainly men but not only) . If this was achieved through manipulation, I was unaware of it. I wore my heart and dreams on my proverbial sleeve, passionately believed in my causes, and openly expressed my desires, fears, and wishes.

It wasn't until I engaged in this exercise and began examining the factors present during these inflows of money and gifts that I realised there was a pattern. There was a specific state I was in when these occurrences were likely to happen. For a long time, I didn't see this as a talent but rather as a fortunate circumstance of being surrounded by generous men.

However, once I noticed how frequently it happened in my life, I recognised it as a gift. The gift of being able to get into this ‘state of receptivity or magnetism’ for lack of a better expression.

It’s also important to mention that I had to work through a lot of shame, yes, shame in receiving things from other people! Hello cultural conditioning. (If you’re interested in how to alchemise shame, you can read my article called Free yourself of Shame, Become Unstoppable!

I have come to believe that a good man, a healthy man wants to and will naturally support, provide and do what he can for a radiantly vital woman; a woman in her state of receptivity and magnetism. While this state has a powerful effect on others, specifically men, It also necessarily requires a certain kind of man, one rooted in his healthy masculinity, be it your boss, your boyfriend or your benefactor.

It was only when I embarked on my journey of breaking away from patriarchy (or patriarchal consciousness, as I prefer to call it) and healing both my inner feminine and masculine that I discovered my inner seductress. Now, I understand that I can amplify these gifts through specific practices that create more space for her. Once I started truly listening to her, I realized she had a lot to say and share. She has guided me here, urging me to share the ways of the seductress with you. I have been living the way of the seductress my entire life without realizing it, and this past year, I have consciously embraced this path. This is my gift to you. Anyone can use the archetype of the seductress to attract what they desire through the act of pleasure, making the process itself an essential and joyful experience.

And if the word seductress and my story is scandalous to you, that’s because it is. It’s scandalous only because our culture has taught us to believe so. There was a time in history where it was pretty common for wealthy men to give large sums of money and gifts in the form of property and jewels to women in a non-scandalous way.

I’m talking, of course, about the time of the courtesan.

The courtesan was different from the prostitute in that she had long-term relationships with her patrons. Courtesans were sophisticated, educated (mostly through non-traditional avenues) women who provided companionship and entertainment to their patrons. She created a world of beauty, sensuality, and pleasure which made time with her intoxicating and stimulating for the men who could afford such extravagance.

Courtesans have existed since ancient times, with origins that trace back to the Greek and Roman eras, and played a prominent role in some societies through the Renaissance and into the 19th century. Courtesans were well established in European societies, mostly in France and Italy, and their influence peaked during the Renaissance. They had actual influence because of their close proximity to the hearts and minds of the most powerful men at the time. In other words, they were women with a certain amount of power at a time when women had very little choice and almost no power.

The options were rather dismal, in fact. If you came from some money or could somehow prove to be of service as a wife and mother, then you could get married. A position most sought after by mothers (for their daughters) having had similar options. The other option was to become a nun, or, for those capable of stepping up to the challenge, a courtesan.

The role of the courtesan declined dramatically in the late 19th and early 20th centuries, (roughly 100 to 150 years ago). These societies saw an even higher rise in patriarchy and a shift towards women taking on more traditional roles. Even though the world saw the beginnings of first-wave feminism and the right to vote in Europe, it also saw the rise of Victorian morality, which emphasised modesty, chastity, and strict gender roles, portraying women primarily as virtuous homemakers and moral guardians of the family. Very bad news for the free-spirited, pleasure-seeking courtesan.

The reason for this shift in morality and social atmosphere came as a result of a complex interplay between economic factors (industrialisation and the rise of the middle class), religious influence, scientific discourse, and the effects of World War I, all in response to the perceived immorality of the time, particularly in relation to women’s behaviour.

During the Renaissance, a woman who was a courtesan had access to education (albeit through unconventional avenues), economic opportunities, and political influence. However, by the dawn of the 20th century, the primary and most esteemed option for women became marriage. Women needed be seen as marriageable, making it the safest and most aspirational goal. Looking at our culture and bridal magazines today, I would say, not that much has changed. And what made a woman marriageable? Today we’d call her ‘The Good Girl’.

Naturally I’ve started writing a book where I aim to bring the spirit of the courtesan back. Using my life and my experience and how my life has changed since embracing the archetype of the courtesan, not to get money from men (necessarily) but rather because I have come to believe that we can use the spirit of the courtesan and what she represents as a way to live more joyfully and more vitally.

You can use the courtesan to land the job, make the money, find the purpose, big love, whatever it is you want, and most importantly have the time of your life while doing it. This is a path of pleasure, this is the way of the modern-day courtesan.

I believe she walks amongst us, hidden from others but more sadly, hidden from herself. While we are no longer living in the 20th century, our nervous systems (conditioning) and deep beliefs somehow are. Our culture has done a good job at making us believe it’s ideals are our own. Most of us have spent our lives trying to attain some version of Victorian morality pushed onto us 100 years ago.

We still think that being pure (perfect), domestic (immaculate and stylish homes), maternal (having children and being the perfect mother), sexually restrained (asexual to anyone that isn’t our husbands), married (preferably to a socially approved man), self-sacrificing (putting our husbands and children first), and educated (but not more than our partners) is the path to happiness.

Now I know there will be a lot of people wholeheartedly disagreeing with me, perhaps even you. What about the women enjoying successful careers, the happily single ones, the lesbian, bi, transgendered women, the ones not caring if they live in a cave or in a tent on the side of a mountain, and the so-called selfish women living according to their own schedules and the holders of 3 PhDs? It’s a fair point.

You and they would be absolutely correct in assuming that these women have in fact broken free from our culture’s limitations. However, there are many women who, despite their independent lives, are still beholden to the patriarchal world order; it just looks a little different. They’re the women who are doing it all in order to have it all. They’re the women who are easily frustrated and disappointed in their male partner/boss/husband who just can’t seem to get it right or do it as well as she can. She’s exhausted and low-level angry almost all the time. Totally cut off from her feminine power, she has internalised unhealthy masculine power and become the man her mother and her grandmother and her grandmother’s mother hoped to marry. So yes, they have it all, but at what cost?

Today a woman living out her internalised patriarchal ideals will either be wanting to please a man or be a man. Understandably, up until now, it’s been the order of things, it’s where the power was, for a very long time

The book I've been working on for the last six months began as a memoir about my 12 years in Germany. As I wrote, I started to see patterns and signs in my life that felt almost 'divinely guided.' It’s not uncommon for memoirists to uncover hidden truths about their own lives, and this revelation has been nothing short of transformative for me. What started as a snarky take on life in Germany has evolved into something far more profound. The book, now titled "The Way of the Modern Day Courtesan," is about placing pleasure at the centre of our lives and reclaiming power, energy, vitality, and everything our heart and spirit desires. Expect plenty of frank and empowering discussions throughout.

Come on this journey with me as we tap into the archetypal spirit of the courtesan; the ultimate seductress, as she leads the way back to our true power as women.

You can join me on this path in several ways: follow my insights on social media, work with me directly through personal coaching, or subscribe to this blog for the latest updates.

Feel free to share this post with others who might be interested. And don’t miss the master class coming up in October, where I’ll share how you, too, can embrace and embody these powerful principles.