Nell, my baby, turned seven on Sunday, and she had a very specific vision for the celebration: a slip n’ slide, water guns, rapid-fill water balloons, a lion-shaped piñata that had nothing to do with the water theme, and a Cookie Monster ice cream cake. All pretty doable. She invited four friends — one had a conflict of parties, one canceled 10 minutes before, so we were down to two.

In all fairness, I cannot be trusted with things like invitations and following up and remembering to do party favors for the entire classroom. Late Wednesday night, there I was, hand-drawing puffer fish for the girls to paint, a few details hastily added to the back of each one. I panic-ordered forks and plates for the handful of kids and now have a box the size of a terrarium on my kitchen floor.

Of course, it turned out pretty great. I strung up some jellyfish lanterns next to the lion piñata. Eclectic! Andrew grilled burgers and hot dogs and everyone got to use multiple plates because, why not?

I'm reading a book right now with a line about the threshold between childhood and adolescence that slayed me. About children who are still afraid of the dark, but who wear deodorant and have moods that swing wildly. Kids with their own musical tastes and quirky hairstyles. And still, those cozy mornings on the couch under the big softy, where they sit as close as humanly possible until we're practically one being.

My girls fell asleep in 'the big bed' after the party, and Andrew and I each carried one too long, too heavy, too perfect child back to their rooms late at night. Slow down, I want to say. And also, it’s incredible watching you grow into yourself right before my very eyes.

• The kids were out with their cousins over the weekend so Andrew and I had a night at home all by ourselves and it was glorious! We ate whatever we wanted — a leftover turkey sandwich from Loveski, hunks of Parmesan and a few salted cashews, a slice of fig and prosciutto pizza — and watched The Invite. It was so good. Funny and relatable and, at times, heart-wrenching.

• This Alison Roman Almost Angel Food Cake is outrageously delicious and made for a pretty spectacular birthday breakfast with a big dollop of whipped cream and some strawberries.

• Holy smokes, are these the most perfect tall suede boots you’ve ever seen?? A girl can dream.

• Bring on boot season! These sexy itty bitty heeled suede booties look so good poking out of straight leg denim.

• A great, classic Wayfarer for under $100.

• I am very in love with this macramé top.

There is a real Mad Men meets Wes Anderson vibe to the the new Zara Kids home edit and I am crazy for it. Faye has an old green desk that used to be my old green desk when I was her age. It’s fabulous, but it’s also currently rendered useless as a stand for the enormous hamster cage. Now that she’s in fourth grade, she’s been begging for an actual desk and a chair that swivels. This striped desk chair has caught my eye. Or maybe this burnt coffee one with orange piping. I love this Shutter Shelf and this Color Block Desk Lamp. And it’s almost flannel sheet season! How cute is this gingham duvet cover? With the matching striped fitted sheet — chef’s kiss!! And cozy clogs for cozy feet while they’re getting homework done.

The Calamity Club by Kathryn Stockett

It took me what felt like a thousand hours to listen to this book (yet another plug for Libro FM!) and I could have listened to hundreds more. The narrator is incredible and does all of the different voices in that slow southern drawl that washes over you.

At 600 pages, or 28 hours, it is no small undertaking, but oh man did I love it. You follow two different characters whose lives intersect. Birdie, a plucky, can-do sister with seemingly no prospects and Meg, a sassy, smart, extremely lovable orphan. It’s Mississippi in the 1930s and it deals with women trying to make their own way in a man’s world. There’s the Great Depression and Prohibition and a true Miss Hannigan type.

Hilariously, on the recent Amy Poehler podcast with D’Arcy Carden they talked about their love for the musical Annie and how formative it was. Same. God, I loved it and listened to the soundtrack on cassette constantly. When they started harmonizing to “Maybe,” I teared right up.

It really has nothing to do with The Calamity Club expect that there’s an orphan longing for her mother. Too much happens to give an overview, but it’s about interesting women getting creative about their financial independence and it’s funny and warm and gorgeously tender.

1. A lot of delicious cooking happens and everything from beans to ham could be made in a trusty Le Creuset. Aside from the cast iron skillet, it is our most used piece of cookware.

2. A very ladylike low-heeled ballet shoe is just the thing.

3. Beautiful, heirloom worthy earrings for dance clubs and church dates.

4. This plaid top is the perfect (fancy) version of what Birdie would wear as she rolls up her sleeves to paint or clean or milk the cow.

5. A super classic, highly pigmented red lipstick because every single woman seems to wear it.

6. The Calamity Club by Kathryn Stockett

7. I will be hoping and praying that these Keaton Wide Leg pants from Apiece Apart go on (major) sale at some point. Only one woman wears trousers in this book and these are exactly what I imagine. That whole look is perfection.

8. An apron is a must for frying slabs of bacon and pulling pot pies from the oven. This Hedley & Bennett made with Liberty fabric is excellent.

9. How beautiful is this sage colored leather skirt?! Feminine and supremely cool.

10. The ladies at the Tartt house are always coming downstairs in their dressing gowns. I love this set as a modern version.

A little extra perimenopause chit chat for paid subscribers below, because I clearly have more to say!

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We talked about her new book Wreck, a sequel to Sandwich, where we get to spend another riotous time with Rocky and her family and her cooking and her warmth and neuroses. We talked about sleepless nights (and husbands who have zero trouble in that department! Infuriating!) and The Giving Tree (a horrible book, but what wouldn’t a mother sacrifice for her children?) and the deprivation of illness alongside the abundance of feeding a family.

She complimented my bubblegum pink nails thanks to a manicure from my six-year-old and I complimented her everything. There is something about Catherine that makes you feel undeniably alive. She clearly loves life and it is contagious. Can’t wait to do it again for her next book! Truly, it was perfection.

• I love Boden for kid’s stuff, but I started poking around the Women’s section because everything is currently 20% and found so many good pieces (apparently I’m into all things navy!). Like this Knitted Bomber Jacket. Or this Swingy Cropped Trench. A basic Navy Long-Sleeved Tee to wear as a base layer. A Cashmere Neckerchief. High-Rise Wide-Leg Jeans in a dark chocolate color.

• I am not a purse person — I keep my random assortment of things in a Wild Plum Wine Tote and never swap it out — but this Jamie Haller Ring Tote stopped me in my tracks. If I were ever to spend $2000 on a bag (!!), it would be this one.

• Missing the delightful charms of The Other Bennet Sister? My Brilliant Career is really scratching that itch. It is supremely fun and feminist and sexy. The gloriously uninhibited Sybylla has a line about how women make up half the world and gave birth to all of it and I couldn’t love that more.

The Plunge by Lila Raicek

Glossy and sexy and deeply menacing, The Plunge is a mental Turkish bath — equal parts steamy and shocking, and I came out of it a little dizzy in the best way. Liv, a playwright, arrives in New York with a scar above one eye from a car crash on a coastal road in Northern California, the one that killed her fiancé and left her swimming in her depression inside a tiny maid’s room at a friend’s apartment.

There’s a gorgeous but enigmatic jewelry designer, Damon, who wears a tan and his silvering beard well. Women can't help themselves around him, Liv included, and neither can Isabel, an older woman who's clearly been exactly where Liv is standing now.

Damon and Isabel pull her into their world — parties, dripping jewels, long flowing dresses — but something's rotting underneath the glamour, and Rex, a journalist with a nose for old wreckage, starts circling, threatening to drag that crash back into the light.

It all crescendos at a villa on Lake Como, tense and boozy and gorgeous, and though I never fully bought the plot's logic (why is Liv so beholden to Isabel?), I devoured every page.

1. Liv wears a vintage Led Zeppelin tee that belonged to her late fiancé. This vintage-inspired ‘Nice’ shirt scratches that itch for me.

2. The Plunge is a very sexy book and Liv, our redhead, would look sensational in this cypress green bra and panty.

3. Damon knows a rare pearl dealer and perhaps he’d create something like this from his collection.

4. Isabel, the older, glamorous woman, seems to float around in a series of long dresses, like this cream colored satin one.

5. The Plunge by Lila Raicek

6. Rex, the villain of the story, comes to breakfast in a red Breton boat shirt which is undeniably and excellent look.

7. Damon, the love interest, wears a pair of beat up boat shoes like this perfect pair from Massimo Dutti.

8. In Lake Como there’s a coral dealer, Bruno, who wears a large gold signet ring. This is my sparkly version.

9. Isabel heads to a party at a sixth floor walk-up in a sheer black shirt and a pair of jeans. So sexy.

10. At one point she drinks a stream of Nespressos, eats a sleeve of fig crackers with some nice cheese and slathers on an expensive face mask that smells of rotting pumpkins. This doesn’t smell exactly like rotting pumpkins, but it does have a particular scent. Such a gorgeous mask though for exfoliating and hydrating.

11. A pair of dark brown bike shorts to throw on for walks around Lake Como.

In case you missed it, I’ll be chatting with Belle Burden on September 11th and, oh boy, have tickets been selling like hotcakes. When I announced it on Instagram, a woman left a comment saying “sorry, I don’t agree with this rec.” Why?? Why even say that on an author event announcement? People continue to fascinate me. Anyway, it’s going to be AMAZING and, if you’re in the area, you can grab a ticket HERE ←

Hope you’re reading something good 💚

School started Monday. Sauvignon Blanc harvest started last week. And even though it hit 90 degrees today, summer is unmistakably singing its swan song. I’m not built for this kind of heat — Andrew jokes about my Nordic blood — so I should just be relieved that it’s nearly over. But it’s bittersweet anyway. The neighbor’s pool is already cooling off and the tomato plants have gone woody.

Meanwhile, my shopping cart is filled with Ouija boards and tarot cards for the bookstore come October. We stocked up on mechanical pencils for homework. We vowed to start eating dinner at the dining table like civilized humans instead of parked in front of the TV watching Amazing Race. I’m so ready for routine to come back and tell me what to do.

• We had a weirdly cold day on Friday and I happened to be working from home. After a trip to the farmer’s market, I got all of the ingredients to make Melissa Clark’s insanely delicious Ratatouille. It takes forever — only one side of our ancient oven works and there are multiple sheet pans — but it’s completely worth it. *gift link

• How good is this entire Zara look, head-to-toe. Those pants, though. Also into them in olive.

• I really mis-packed for Sea Ranch last week, bringing gorgeous sweaters that I had no business wearing while I clambered over rocks and down to sandy beaches. An older girl passed along her classic Patagonia jacket to Faye years ago and she still wears it. She was warm and comfortable and ready for anything — I had jacket envy and realized it might be time to get my own! I prefer the boxier shape of this men’s jacket.

• My big toes are starting to poke out of my Rothy’s clogs which I’m taking as a sign that they need to be retired. Eyeing these supremely cool looking Birkenstocks, discovered on my new favorite substack from called Scandi Delights. That woman has taste for days.

• In preparation for my chat with on Sunday I have the delightful job of rereading her books and, oh my gosh, do I love her warm, funny, tender writing.

Almost Life by Kiran Millwood Hargrave

My God, did I love this book. I read the last few pages at the store and could barely give the poor guy who wandered in a hello. It is one of those books that made me feel on the verge of crying for a good 30 minutes after reading the final page. So deliciously, beautifully painful.

It has a similar romantic ache as One Day (I didn’t read the book, but the show slayed me). Two young women who meet one sultry summer in Paris. There is lust and betrayal and a once-in-a-lifetime kind of love. We see their relationship evolve over decades. The missed chances. The reconnections. The stumbles and loss and friendship and ambitions and sexiness.

Almost Life spans 1978 thru 2013: Paris and art. Gay rights and the AIDS epidemic. Relationships and writers and publishing. Laure is cool and angular with her slim suits and cigarettes and prematurely grey hair. Erica is voluptuous and wide-eyed and slightly insecure. I had to laugh at her Laura Ashley dress.

We see the early headiness of young love. Drunken nights and seedy first apartments and days spent wandering around museums. We see the in-between years at university and blossoming careers. We see them soften into middle-age and motherhood and life in the country. You cannot help but root for them while, at the same time, realizing that they are exactly where they are supposed to be at that moment in time.

I am going to miss Laure and Erica immensely.

1. When Erica’s life takes her to Norfolk, she’ll need a classic trench.

2. A flowy but sharp blazer to wear to book launches and gallery openings.

3. Something sheer and sexy to wear while draped across one another on the rug at Laure’s apartment.

4. A slouchy and incredibly chic grey sweater for Laure to wear with black jeans.

5. Cropped black jeans with a slight barrel leg to wear with blazers and brogues.

6. As Erica starts to dress more like a Parisienne, she’d swap her flouncy floral skirts for something sleeker like this green silky number.

7. A bitchy little ankle boot for stomping around Paris.

8. Erica wears a green tea dress with Wellingtons on a walk to the water, looking like a farmer’s wife.

9. A very cool suede shirt that Laure would wear open over slim tanks and tees.

10. Almost Life by Kiran Millwood Hargrave

An early author event announcement (I feel like Oprah!!) for all of you incredible paid subscribers below:

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I want that content too. Which is funny, because the memoir I've spent the past few years writing and rewriting is exactly that. Women and appetite. Desire. Identity. The stripping away of our old selves as we take on that loaded new word: Mother.

Trying to hold onto career and ambition while still feeling attractive — and attracted to — our partners. Being an exceptional parent while your hormones are going wild, until you're gritting your teeth and slapping a cabinet shut because a pot of tea just hit the kitchen floor.

The guilt you feel when your partner stops initiating sex because he can’t stomach one more rejection. So then the onus is on you to tuck the kids into bed and read books using your best Masterpiece Theater voice and shower and then somehow switch your brain back to that younger version of yourself when desire came easily. Because his desire hasn’t changed. But you don’t recognize your boobs or your stomach or the softening skin above your knees. And you can’t sleep if you have sex too late. You look at the clock and it’s nearing 9:30 and you think, oh God.

I've used Midi Health for years, trying to get a handle on all of it. After cancer and babies and the slow march of time, I feel vibrant and creatively on fire and, thanks to some excellent hair growth supplements, big haired again. But Midi kept changing practitioners on me, and I resented starting from scratch with every new, eager virtual call.

I finally found a local OBGYN who talks about libido and belly fat without flinching, unlike my male oncologist, who blushes every time it comes up.

Here's what I've found, along the way, that actually helps me feel like myself:

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This past weekend we celebrated my birthday at Sea Ranch, arguably one of my favorite places on earth. The drive up is winding and endless but then you get spit out on the rim of the Pacific and it is glorious. The wooden, nearly identical houses are that perfect shade of gray from all of the sun and wind. There are trails snaking along the cliffs and you have to be careful not to disturb the seal pups and nesting cormorants.

We rented a place with an excellent kitchen and, after serving nothing but popcorn and dried mangoes for days, I was like Stella getting my groove back. It felt so good to feed myself again, to give into true appetite. I sautéed thick slabs of sourdough in olive oil until they were chewy and golden for the most magnificent avocado toasts. I slow roasted cherry tomatoes and spooned them on wedges of Morbier. There were lots of fried eggs, bowls of parmesan gnocchi, a radicchio and basil salad, fat Italian sausages. One of the best things I made was a pot of Chickpeas al Limone with Burrata (recipe below). My goodness, I could eat that every single day.

• My mom got Nell a pair of Rothy’s red sandals for summer and I love them so much that I’m now eyeing these new Mary Jane sneakers in the same tomato shade.

• These new soft cardigans and pants from Alex Mill come in a handful of delicious colors and look impossibly soft. I’d never want to take them off. I also love how they styled the looks with the sweaters around the waist — the chocolate and yellow!

• I’ve worn a pair of Tory Burch fish earrings for years and they always get a million compliments. This pair from Éliou has a similar feel.

• I’ve been trying these perimenopause supplements for the past month and have to say, I never seem to notice a difference with any of the two dozen things I take, but I am actually sleeping through the night since starting Perelel!! It’s the only thing I’ve done differently and, yes, I am officially sleeping deeply for the first time in years. I’ve also been sampling Libido Support and (mom, close your eyes) things are a little bit spicier.

• I’m looking for something to fill the Widow’s Bay shaped hole in my heart and I think The Boroughs might just be it! I don’t usually like sci-fi, but it has the same weird, funny, small town charm as Widow’s Bay. Just swap the New England setting for a retirement community in the desert and the jump scares become a creepy alien thingy. Alfred Molina! Also, can we talk about Geena Davis’s 20 year old looking arms?? What is her secret?

• As promised, I made this in Sea Ranch and it was outrageously simple and delicious. It was especially good the next morning, warmed up with a fried egg on top. Chickpeas al Limone with Burrata (gift link).

The Seekers of Deer Creek by Thao Thai

What a beautiful book. The Seekers of Deer Creek is about two sisters with a vaguely troubled past, brought together by art and a family mystery. I think it can be hard to write believable sibling relationships, particularly between sisters, but Thao Thai got it completely. The dialogue is exactly right and full of those sisterly barbs that are at once teasing and loving.

Vivi is a Type A art historian, while Calla is an untamed, occasionally reckless artist, recently divorced from her childhood sweetheart and on the other side of her most recent stint in rehab. The two have a falling out after their father's death, and Calla's debut gallery exhibit spectacularly implodes.

I won't give a full synopsis — you can read the description — but we end up following the two sisters on a search for a lost painting that potentially links them to their family's past. Their search takes them to Provence and Việt Nam, and also into the past, as they revisit their childhood in the Wisconsin woods.

It's a bit of a mystery and a family saga alongside the slow unfurling of self-discovery. Women figuring out what they want in life while freeing themselves from the moments in the past that keep one feeling small or stuck. I adored it.

1. Just the kind of shirt — cotton with a little bit of cashmere — Vivi would wear to the museum. Comfortable but smart.

2. Calla undoubtedly loves a red nail and this set with a very good red, plus a protective base coat and glassy top coat is just the thing. I also need this badly!

3. Gap is crushing it right now and this long fringe cardigan looks like something you’d find for hundreds of dollars on The Great. I can see Calla wearing it with a short dark miniskirt or over some slouchy black jeans.

4. This entire sweatsuit (chic!!) for all of the traveling the sisters do.

5. The Seekers of Deer Creek by Thao Thai

6. The sisters take turns wearing a ring with antlers, swapping each time they see each other. This Chan Luu bracelet with the little frog clasp feels equally shareable.

7. In one scene, Vivi kicks off her loafers and this is the pair that I imagine she’s wearing.

8. Chan Luu is one of my favorite designers and, like the sisters in the novel, she happens to be Vietnamese. I could do the entire round up with just her things, but this chiffon wrap skirt and matching top are high on my list.

9. J. Crew has jumped on the ballet sneaker trend and I love them. Necessary for navigating airports and sprawling French estates.

10. Durable, cool pants to wear while restoring art. Would look even better covered in unintentional paint splatters.

A reminder that I am talking to national treasure, Catherine Newman, on August 23rd!!! We’ll sip and nibble and chat and laugh at the famously gorgeous Auberge du Soleil. If you don’t already have a ticket, there are only 10 seats left so I’d suggest you hurry up and grab one. HERE ←

Hope you’re reading something good 💚

We have survived nine of the ten days with kids visiting from France…

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We used to have friends over for long, lazy lunches that turned into long, lazy dinners. Most of that was pre-kids, so imagine my delight when Andrew got the invite to a picture-perfect pool party on a vineyard, one long table under an enormous oak. An eccentric Italian we knew in our previous life manned the grill — piles of sausages, steak, short ribs — while his wife sautéed snap peas with mint and too much butter. There was a panzanella with pickled red onions, and dilly potatoes.

Everyone worked in the wine industry so there were fabulous bottles everywhere you looked. I sipped an Aperol spritz and had myself a time!! Nell surfaced from the rock-carved pool — very Call Me By Your Name — just long enough to wolf down some steak and hoover a mini It’s-It before diving back in.

I got too much sun on my face. I reconnected with some old friends and made a few new ones. I ate a delicate fig cake with my feet in the water. Bliss

• I got this red long-sleeved mini dress and have zero regrets. It’s much more of a ‘tomato paste’ then a bright red, which is a win in my opinion.

• This Basil Pesto Aioli is the best thing that ever happened to a BLT.

• Look at UGG getting fancy on us! This sleek, modern version of their classic booties are really calling my name. You can take the girl out of San Diego…

• I love Negative and these whipped under thingies have quickly become my new favorites. Thin and impossibly soft. When the laundry gods smile on me and the tank and boy shorts are both clean, I feel like one hot lady heading to bed. Couldn’t find good flat lay photos, but I promise they match.

• It’s only taken us three nights to watch the entire thing (!!) but who knew that Hail Mary would be so funny? Also touching, nail-biting and a bit of a tear-jerker. I laughed repeatedly and now desperately need all of Ryan Gosling’s pun-y periodic table t-shirts. Ah! The Element of Surprise! Hysterical.

• This Madewell pointelle cardigan is so delicate and pretty.

• Toteme makes the most beautiful — and expensive — clothes in the world. So imagine my delight when I came across this $114 pair of classic jeans!! Sold out in my size in the shorter inseam, but bon chance!

Whistler by Ann Patchett

What is Ann Patchett's particular magic? She writes about the seemingly mundane — long chats with your sister, family dinners, comfortable marriages, an afternoon at a museum — and every sentence is flawless and lovely. Her characters are so human that you can’t help but fall for them with your whole heart.

I did myself a favor and listened to Whistler, finishing it on our long drive last week. I listened on Libro.FM — buy your audiobooks through indie stores! — narrated by Patchett herself. My mom, a Massachusetts girl, only caught the last 20%, but she got a kick out of these familiar East Coast characters. "So true," she said, after listening to a delightfully messy, but not unkind, family scene.

It's the story of Daphne who, at 53, bumps into her ex-stepfather, Eddie, at The Met one afternoon. Eddie was only married to Daphne's mother for a year, and Daphne hasn't seen him since she was nine, but he was by far the favorite of her three dads. We watch them find their way back to each other, reminiscing and making new memories. It is such a beautiful platonic love story.

I won't spoil it, but there's a leukemia storyline that landed close to home. I wrote about my own lymphoma experience (blood cancers!) on Meg’s Mail — how I finally got a clear scan after years of dealing with treatments and babies and increasingly dire outlooks, only to have my dad diagnosed with the same disease six months later. He wasn't as lucky. I still think this letter that I wrote him is one of the best things I’ve ever done.

Daphne got her whole reunion with Eddie and I loved every minute. But, still, I ache to think that I only got the letter.

1. This Polo Ralph Lauren jacket would be perfect for fall, running from class to Eddie’s publishing office. Slightly equestrian too in a subtle nod to Whistler.

2. A vintage Italian painting of horses feels Whistler adjacent, but it’s really all about the frame and matting.

3. Mixed metal earrings feel both timeless and modern. These aren’t crazy expensive making them perfect for a teacher’s salary.

4. Daphne is a high school English teacher at a fancy all-girls school. She’s going to need a classic cable knit — I especially love how they styled the model with an extra sweater tied around the waist or shoulder.

5. This simple, sophisticated dress would go from The Met to brunch in Connecticut with ease.

6. This matching green look would be impeccable over brunch or after hours at a school function.

7. The dream summer through fall raffia tote, perfect for hauling manuscripts and galleys.

8. Whistler by Ann Patchett

9. Daphne absolutely relies on a good pair of ballet flats. Love the dusty blue.

10. I wear these jeans multiple times a week, they’re that good. Slightly barrel-legged but not so much that they look crazy and an easy ecru color that goes with everything. How good would it be with that jacket?

Oh boy, talking about signs from the other side below the paywall!! Summertime witchy-ness.

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But, truly, the most marvelous part of it was the fact that my oldest friend, Lizz, was in town and I am still riding the high. It’s funny that I finished reading a book called Chosen Family because Lizz and her incredibly kind husband, Jake, are exactly that. We first met in kindergarten and we have born witness to one another’s lives in the way that only friends can.

And then to see her meet my daughters!! To have her love them and to have them love her in return was nothing short of magical. I was busy getting ready for the Sofia Coppola event and was going to miss the girls’ end-of-camp performance so what did Lizz do? She went in my stead, of course, and video taped and clapped and took them for ice cream afterwards. I mean. If you’re looking for moments of pure joy, check out her Instagram where she posts videos that make me laugh and cry and live a lifetime, all in 30 seconds.

• I’m hoping this necklace is still on sale today — if not, apologies — because it is so delicate and extremely pretty.

• I got Faye this toiletry bag to take to sleep-away camp and I will absolutely be claiming it for myself as soon as she’s home.

• I’m sharing this because I care about you, even though I secretly want to keep Mothfood to myself. A few times a week they drop excellent vintage tees that sell out in seconds, but I managed to snag one and I’m in love.

• So random, but the kids camped in the backyard and we strung up these fairy lights made for tents (they have little hooks that align with the tent hooks). Completely magical.

• A friend was wearing some fabulous Farm Rio pants as a cover-up at the pool and I took a scroll to see what I else I could find. This set screams vacation.

• I wore the green version of this dress to the Coppola event, but I also love it in polka dots!

Chosen Family by Madeleine Gray

In early July, it feels as though summer is just beginning. There have been enough pool days, enough tomato salads, enough sunscreen sticks strewn across every available surface to make everything feel sun-drenched.

Which makes it particularly painful when Faye comes out of her room late at night, too upset to sleep. The dread of the school year starting again is enough to send my nine-year-old asking if she can sleep in the big bed. She is craving comfort.

Faye hates school because the girls in her grade are little monsters. My beautiful baby is bullied, made to feel weird and ugly and hairy and dumb. She is none of those things, but that doesn’t help. I could write pages about the helplessness of watching this happen, of having nothing to offer but reassurance.

So when I picked up Chosen Family, where Eve is made to feel disgusting and wrong by her best friend in school, I read it with my heart in my hand.

Eve is an outcast because of who she loves — her best friend, Nell — and the book tracks what happens when that love gets weaponized against her. Chosen Family follows Nell and Eve over three decades, their friendship peaking, receding, torturing, uplifting, sometimes all in the same year. The writing is funny and sharp, the characters dynamic.

One thing pulled me out of the story: on nearly every page, the queerness of the characters gets underlined for us. The mothers aren’t mothers, they’re lesbian mothers. The roommates on the couch are gay roommates on the couch. The people on the dance floor are non-binary, though I’m not sure how you’d clock that from a barstool. I wanted to shout: I know! I know she’s gay, her roommates are gay, she’s a gay woman raising a kid. I get it.

I also understand that a novel has to move forward, but I could have stayed in those early school pages forever — because that’s the part that felt closest to what I’m watching happen to Faye right now. Those days before you find your people, before you learn to armor yourself against the ones who aren’t, there’s just the cruelty, and the waiting to see if anyone will choose you back. I know she’ll get there.

For this Pairing, I’m focusing on the one-bedroom apartment Eve shares with her daughter, Lake, in the 2024 timeline. I imagine it’s small but colorful and comfortable. Here’s what I’d put inside.

1. We all need a place to put those piles of bills when they arrive. This hand-painted box would be the loveliest.

2. A beautiful hanging basket to store Lake’s stuffed animals while she’s young and all of her journaling stuff when she’s older.

3. Technically an ashtray, you could use this silver scalloped tray for all kinds of things. It’s so good.

4. A neutral, but not boring, flat weave rug from the Pierce & Ward collab with West Elm.

5. Chosen Family by Madeleine Gray

6. In such a tiny space, every detail down to the tissue box holders make a huge difference. You don’t want to see those bright Puffs designs.

7. The sweetest celestial lamp to turn Lake’s side into a starry wonderland each night. Also comes as a plug-in sconce.

8. A vintage gray-blue leather sofa would be right at home.

9. This mirror is a splurge, but what a splurge it would be. The description calls it “disarming in its quiet beauty.” Sold.

10. Lake’s bed is separated from her mother’s by a single curtain. Let’s give her a little more privacy with this luxurious velvet canopy that’s majorly on sale.

11. I love the idea of a collapsible magazine stand to store kid’s art.

Something extra for all of you lovely paid subscribers below. I’m going to start doing this regularly. Hint, hint, it’s a book-lovers gift from the Sofia Coppola event.

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It has been a heavy trip. Also incredibly hot. I am not built for that kind of desert heat. By the end of the day I feel as if I have sweat out the entire water content of my body. I am a…

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When emotions run high, I walk and I coo…

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I’ve actually been craving some kind of body work. Andrew happens to be great at massage thanks to an ex-wife who trained as a masseuse (best not to think too much about that), but I don’t always want the pressure for it to turn into more. Sometimes I just want to be touched by a stranger with zero sexual implications. Then, randomly, two separate people came to the bookstore and told me about their experience with a Rolfer (Rolfing expert??) and it felt like too much of a coincidence.

They both claimed that this person has changed their lives. It sounded a little wild — I learned that the Rolfer put on gloves and massaged a guy’s sinuses from inside his nostrils. The other woman said that — over a pair of bike shorts — the Rolfer massaged her butt crack to alleviate pain in her pelvis. “It hurts so good!” she exclaimed.

I booked a session and it was exactly as weird and painful and wonderful as I’d been led to believe. After I apologized to him for the state of my mid-40s body and my stomach that looks like a deflated ballon, he had me stand in front of him in a sports bra and shorts so he could examine my gait and my posture. Apparently my left arm swings when I walk, but not my right!! He went straight to work. It’s not really massage at all, more like an enormous amount of pressure exerted on specific muscles and areas of fascia. It’s true that it hurt so good and I walked out of there feeling lighter and freer in my body. No nostrils or butt cracks this time, but I booked a second session so we’ll see!

• I just got this button-down denim skirt and am in love. It’s impossibly soft and incredibly light. A little bit vintage feeling while also giving me Little House on the Prairie but in a good way.

• This Color Wash Blush by Victoria Beckham beauty looks so good. Honestly, everything I’ve tried from her line is impeccable.

• While shopping at Target for a hundred storage bins (time to get the store’s overflow items in order), I threw this fun Magnolia picnic blanket in the cart and it’s quickly become the most useful purchase. Keeping it in the car for impromptu blanket needs.

• My new favorite tees — less expensive than the Leset Margo, doesn’t shrink in the wash and comes in an excellent array of colors. I also appreciate the slightly longer sleeve.

• In what has to be the most romantic move to date, my husband downloaded BritBox for Mother’s Day so I can finally watch The Other Bennet Sister!! Absolutely charming all around.

God, I looooooved this month’s book club pick!! I could read a thousand novels like Go Gentle. Talk about delight. The Club is for paid subscribers so, if you want in, we’d love to have you 💚

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My nine year old wants a bra — well, a bralette, but still. The other night she put one …

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