You know the energy which is so often felt in January? The ‘fresh start’ nonsense? Yeah, well, I feel that in September.

I believe the feeling of fresh or new, comes from the length of time I have spent in education. January cannot feel like the fresh start you need when you have assessments and deadlines hanging over you. Truthfully, I cannot remember the last time I enjoyed a Christmas/New Year totally stress-free. Of course, that doesn’t mean I am entering this September stress-free, I am not. In fact, this might be the most stressed I have ever felt arriving into September.

Yet, with all the stress, I am so incredibly excited for the new academic year. And as we approach the end of our time as first-year PhD researchers (October 1st, you are mean), we give up that title to a new cohort. We are due to welcome our new History researchers in mid-September, which is so exciting! Three brand new projects, three new researchers (two are returning), three new journeys. That is exciting.

I don’t encourage you to romanticise academia, you know I certainly don’t. But I would be lying if I said I don’t romanticise autumn. She is the only season which truly offers a fresh start in academia.

I am writing this on the day that you will read it. It is currently the start of the first semester, and in just a few weeks I will complete the next big step of my PhD, the confirmation assessment. I am dreading it. However, I do feel a bit more relaxed knowing that by the end of today, the two written pieces and the PowerPoint will have been distributed to my panel. It is officially out of my hands.

What that means going forward, is that I am writing a second chapter, and all my focus is there. I am in the process of planning archive trips, drafting detailed plans for my third and fourth chapter (I need to access the materials for these at the archive, the plans are necessary). I am hitting the ground running.

Do you see what I mean about fresh? The assessment has hung over me all summer, and I really could not relax, no matter how hard I tried. By the time I submitted my final version, I might have been through six (or more) drafts. Not because they weren’t able to stand as a ‘finished’ work, but because I was too fixated on getting it right (which isn’t all bad…), but I definitely held onto it longer than needed.

So, September 2026, here you are. And, I have big plans for you.

Now I could be totally unrealistic and tell you I plan to write 30,000 words this month. That will not happen. I am not James Patterson. However, I do have plans that I believe I can realistically stick to. For both academia and myself.

🍁 I want a completed draft of my chapter, and I want it to be finished by end of October. This is achievable. But only by…

🍁 Learning to accept that not everything needs to be perfect on the first attempt.

🍁 I want to spend more time reading and writing, rather than planning what I want to read and write. Additionally, when I am reading, actually taking notes as I go. (I have a tendency to read, and read, and read, and then forget what I wanted to note, whoops)

🍁 Make more use of my Accepted Society subscription.

🍁 Make more soup! I love soup in autumn. Potato & leek, butternut squash, roasted red pepper… Delish!

🍁Support independently run coffee-shops (I love you PSL, but I hate you Starbucks)

🍁 Learn to make my own syrups.

🍁 Resist overconsumption. I do not need the tacky autumn decorations, nor do you. And, although it might be controversial to say, your favourite influencer does not care about you, nor your dwindling funds — you do not need to buy everything on their autumn essentials guide!

🍁 Read what I have, or borrow it. A book buying ban is being enforced!

Autumn is so rewarding. It is finally mild enough to wear your corduroy trousers and the jumpers which have been hiding in the wardrobe. Maroon, brown and orange are acceptable. Chunky socks and brown boots are allowed. Say goodbye to the barely there clothing as you die away in the heat of summer. I can order a coffee and not be judged for it being hot (hot coffee on a day like this, are you serious? Yes, always). I can walk Hamish at any time of the day, and not worry about him overheating. And, he is finally allowed back on the beach (his favourite place to be).

My Gilmore Girls rewatch can officially start, culinary pumpkins are coming back into the shops (hello pumpkin stew, you have been missed) and cinnamon swirls are on the weekend menu. Cosy sundays in the house are pending, I can feel it. Moody afternoon work sessions, no more baking alive in the heat of our home office. Coffee late into the afternoon is replaced with hot chocolates. It sounds perfect.

But, it can’t all be idyllic. The new academic year is here; it is time to get organised.

If you are headed back to university this September, I really encourage you to make the most of it. Say hello to someone new. Start a routine, and stick with it. Use the library, and when you check a book out, read it. Pick a platform like Notion, or OneNote (vast majority of universities subscribe), and make your notes in one place, and write down everything! Even if you think it is only mildly interesting, you noticed for a reason. Categorise your notes too! (The same goes for attending archives)

Read your module handbooks, access your relevant platform and download your readings. Create a new folder (e.g. year one), and add sub-folders for each module. Within those, break down your weeks and have separate folders for your assessments within the module folder too. Trust me! As you move along the semester, you will find relevant information for your assessments, and you need somewhere to put all those readings.

It should look like this:

• Year one

  • Module x

    • Week 1

    • Assessment 1

If you think you need help, get it early. There are no embarrassing questions that you can ask (within reason), and speaking to your lecturers early will help. Leaving problems to fester will only impact you for the worse.

And I think it goes without saying, have fun.

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Happy September 1st

C

While I have previously attended online seminars and lectures, and attended our own ‘festival of research’ at UU, these were completely out of my comfort zone. And, I want to talk about it, with the hope that it might help someone.

Monday: Conference #1

Like Charlotte, I was up early, panicking about what to wear, how to smile and how we would get to where the conference was taking place. For context, it was taking place at Queen’s University Belfast. A campus that I know very well, but panic I did. I met Char coming from the train and off we went, stopping by Coop for a coffee (the best coffee around Botanic/Stran, just in front of the Museum).

Coffee’s in hand, we went on our merry way. As we were walking into the building, and about to walk through a rather slim doorway, I was completely taken aback by a grown woman pushing me out of her way shouting ‘move I need through.’ (This is actually the reason I decided to pen the article)

As Charlotte looked back at me totally confused, we could do nothing but laugh. We arrived, registered with the fantastic organisers of the event, and sat down.

The room was impressive, surrounded by stunning artwork, pieces by our very own Colin Davidson (artist & Chancellor of Ulster University) looked down at us. Feeling a little more at ease, we got out our notebooks, decided on the panels we wanted to listen in on, and talked quietly.

The reason I was here, was to hear the keynote from the incredible Dr Mary McAuliffe.1 Mary is a historian who ‘specialises in Irish women's / gender history, trauma histories of gendered and sexual violence of Ireland's revolutionary period, and histories of sexualities,’ and I have been following her work for years.2 Let me say, she did not disappoint. She got up and she talked and talked. She was such a breath of fresh air, and was genuinely excited to share what she was working on and was actually comical with her delivery. This did of course make manically rethink my own presentation skills, but also gave me so much ‘content’ to think about. Which is the whole point of these events.

However, what occurred around this speech (mid-day) was nothing short of comical. Bringing you back to the morning, we were mid-sip of our drinks when the frazzled woman appeared — she was also at the event.

The papers presented were incredible, and as queer history does not feature in my own work, I was worried I would be able to take little away from the day. But the researchers in that room all gave me something to think about. From poets, to medical history, to law, there was a little of everything.

In addition to my pondering upon on the papers, I became acutely aware of the atmosphere in the room. On the one hand, there were researchers supporting friends who were presenting, people who were happy to be there and genuinely interested. On the other, and take this with a pinch of salt, a few appeared to think they were better than some of us in the room. This was a minority, but I think it is worth mentioning because I almost did not attend the conference later in the week due to it… I will come back to this.

Tuesday and Wednesday:

Having just received my feedback on my chapter the week before, and been to the archives, these two days were a much needed ‘break’ in my week to get some actual work done.

While conferences are a great place to learn and formulate new ideas, they aren’t exactly where you are getting the most productive work done. Sure, I made plenty of notes, and had little ‘light-bulb’ moments, but that isn’t research.

That said, I did spend all day Wednesday panic shopping for the conference I would be attending on Thursday and Friday. After deciding that I hate everything I already own, I dragged Caroline around Belfast for what may have been five hours. We had headed in to buy one top. I came home with two new tops, a skirt, earrings (which I did not wear), and new shoes (these were actually needed, I just feel sick at having to buy them).

The reason I tell you this is because I don’t want you to repeat my mistakes. I can admit I was in a manic state. Panicking over what would be worn by the ‘big names’ in my field — terrified they would judge my poor clothing tastes. Historians? Judging my taste in clothing? Even now I know that sounds ridiculous.

And even after that long day of shopping, I had still had to come home and work. So, it really was a long day.

Thursday: Conference #2.1

This was the day I had been waiting for, for months!! The Tudor & Stuart Conference is the ‘big one’ in my area of research, and I was feeling excited and sick all in one. I had spent the night before crying over what to wear, eventually settling upon a tan skirt and an orange jumper. Two bags packed, I made my way to the train, and panicked my way through the two-hour train journey.

I arrived into Dublin Connolly and off I went to 3fe. One mocha and an almond croissant later, I was ready to go. I decided to be brave, and after much debate, sent a message to Cait asking if she was at the conference. To my relief, she said yes! I no longer needed to panic about finding the room, locating where to register, or making small talk with a stranger upon arrival. (If you couldn’t already tell, yes I am a very anxious being)

Luckily when we had decided upon our panels, two would overlap. I sat down in a room with some of my personal heroes (which sounds weird if you are not in academia). These were the people I was, and still am, referencing in my thesis! The very people had contributed to the formulation of my work, and to my own understanding of huge events in early modern Irish history.

What I had not really expected however, was that the same frazzled lady from Monday would appear! And again, was a little rude to me (on day two).

What struck me most about this conference, was that everyone knew everyone. But not only that, they held such a deep respect for one another (for the most part). The talks were incredible, the questions were incredible. But what else would you expect from historians at the very top of their field.

But that does not mean I wasn’t intimidated or feeling anxious. Which I should be clear was a fault of my own. The whole day was incredibly overwhelming for me. Although I like to think I held it together quite well. When we went out for the conference dinner (historians can get very loud) the headache was seemingly ‘unoptional’. The food was great, the company even more so.

Friday: Conference #2.2

Day two was slightly frightening for me. I was attending alone, and this was the day that the big players (at least for me) were presenting. My work incorporates a miniscule number of the 1641 Depositions, and if you are familiar with that project, you’ll know the literal icon Dr Jane Ohlmeyer worked on those.3 She was presenting on The Voices along with the team who are doing the incredible work on that project.4

Not only that, it was a big day for me, because I finally worked up the courage to speak to another huge name in the field (who could not have been less interested in speaking to me but oh well!) I sat in on papers by PhD researchers, household names and some new names to me. But I came away with such joy and relief, knowing that early modern Irish history is flourishing. And the ideas! I have so many!

However, spending the day by myself did present some challenges. While I managed to get speaking to a few of the presenters who were working in a similar area to me, it was hard to actually join a conversation. Perhaps a fault of my own, or perhaps an issue with the tightly knit circles. Either way, it was a little bit lonely, but I enjoyed it all the same.

After attending three days worth of conferences, I have some thoughts…

Read the room. I cannot emphasise this enough. The lady who I have referred to throughout is working with the early modern period, much like me. And when I tell you it is a small field — It. Is. A. Small. Field. Everyone knows everyone. Upon sharing that funny little story with a friend over the weekend, it turns out she also knew who I was talking about, and knew of someone else who had a less than positive experience with this lady.

Do you see what I am getting at? This person who shoved me, refused to speak, was rude to people on a panel, slept through keynotes and a lot more, is known to be rude. I didn’t have to tell my friend who it was, she knew. She said her name. How you carry yourself professionally will spread like wildfire through an intimate circle. And I would implore you to be careful.

And on that note, as a solo attendee on Friday, I was sitting alone during the breaks. Just because you are whispering, does not mean you can’t be overheard by someone. I heard you make fun of a colleague and I heard you make comments about me talking to the said ‘hero’. If I were a gossip, I might have told someone else the horrible things that were said by you. And it might not have been career ending, but it certainly would make people rethink how they interact with you. Read the room.

Secondly, Don't hold yourself back. My experience of Monday was fantastic, however it took one person to convince me I should not go to the conference later that week. And thankfully, I realised that was silly. However, I also got in my own way when I was crying because I did not know what to wear. I panicked. But I think it is okay to share that with you and I am glad I woke up to reality.

I really wish that someone had sat me down and explained what these conferences are like, how they work, and how they aren’t always what you make them out to be in your head. I could have walked away with one of two opinions — that it was entirely worth my time, or that because one or two people ruined it a little bit, it was a waste of my time.

Thankfully, I live by the philosophy of the glass is always half full.

If you want my advice, it is this:

• Go to the conferences

• Make connections

• Ask questions

• Never hold yourself back

• Read the room

• And, most importantly, enjoy it

Sorry for a longer one this week, but I hope it helps someone.

Happy Tuesday,

C x

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this one feels a little raw. So, indulge me as I write you a letter instead.

Last week was a big one for me. I submitted my confirmation chapter to my supervisors. It was the biggest piece of writing I have submitted since I completed my Master’s in 2024, and I think I sabotaged myself in the writing process.

I will be the first to tell you, the position I find myself in, supervisor-wise, is one which could be considered a privilege. Both incredibly successful in their respective fields, they have never once made me feel like I have asked a stupid question, or that I have even screwed up badly. They approach with sincerity and ask, ‘did you consider?’ or simply just ask, ‘what do you think of this?’

Despite knowing this, I held onto that chapter longer than I should have. Likely an experience which is not unique to me.

The writing process is easy-ish, the research is painstakingly difficult (at times), but the handing it over… that is arguably the hardest. Which seems stupid — I agree. But, for me, it is.

I posted this note last Monday, not as a ‘look at me’ moment, but in need of holding myself accountable.

I knew if I posted this, a group of strangers online were now holding me accountable. Without that, I might have decided to hold on to that chapter for another day, which would have become two, eventually three.

Thankfully, on Monday, the chapter went in.

Tuesday was a bit of a blur as I prepared for the archives.

Wednesday was for the archives. And the day I got my feedback.

One thing I should explain is that one of my supervisors is a little old school, this means I get my work printed and edited by hand with a stubby pencil. It’s arguably one of his best quirks, and probably why his feedback is as detailed as it is. He is reading every single word — twice.

Which would explain the note which came on Wednesday:

I had just left the archive when his email came through. Something along the lines of ‘here, see you tomorrow’. I panicked. I walked ten-minutes longer than I needed to, just to find a secluded coffee shop so that I could open the scanned document and see my failings.

I got my disgustingly sugary coffee (you can guess the chain, it was after 5pm) and I sat down in ‘the lonely corner’. I opened up my emails, and I opened the scan.

I didn’t read the comments in the margin, I looked at the amount of writing and decided everything I had written was complete and utter trash. In that moment I decided I wasn’t good enough to be completing a PhD. That I wasn’t even worthy of having been to the archive prior that day. How could anyone let me, an utter failure, read those documents.

I replied to the email, said ‘see you tomorrow’ and prepared to have my ass handed to me.

I slept most of my way home, archiving tires me as is, and rather dramatically messaged Charlotte to tell her what a failure I was.

I got home, and I went to bed.

Thursday was the ‘big day’, the one in which I would be told I should leave the department.

Spoiler alert — that did not happen.

I got on the train. I put on my best ‘I will not cry’ face and re-opened the document. This time, I actually read the comments. They were fine… It turns out ‘interesting’ and ‘I never knew that’ can also appear in your margin.

I arrived for my meeting, and it was incredibly productive. We had coffee, went to the library, went for lunch. Had what was honestly a much needed catch up and a good couple of hours of back and forth, ‘what do you think of this idea?’

When I was on my way home, I messaged Samuel to tell him how the day went and his response:

I think I have been feeling a little existential for a while, and those emotions fully got the better of me on Wednesday. I phoned Samuel almost immediately, who went in to full ‘you’re being ridiculous’ mode and he was right (he always is).

He could see what I could not — the self-sabotage.

I once wrote an article in which I declared I was not Rory Gilmore and that I was tired of the comparisons to her. Yet, I reacted exactly how she would have. And not in her Chilton years, in her ‘this is a D paper’ years.

To be frank with you, my initial assessment was terrifying. And when I completed that assessment I felt like I was on top of the world, but getting there was draining.

This impending confirmation assessment is even more terrifying than the last.

Autumn is my favourite season, and yet I can’t help but meet her with a sense of utter dread and complete existentialism.

I know I can’t be the only one who feels this way. And it feels a little spirally and hard to get out of once you are in it. Which is where I am now.

Some part of me thinks writing about it, or talking it out, will help. While the other part knows that I reacted poorly and it is going to eat me alive. And it isn’t necessarily the reaction itself, but the expectation that I would immediately fall at the first hurdle.

Studying for anything, be it an undergrad degree, a masters, or a PhD, is stressful. But I always expected that feeling would go as I became more qualified. But of course, it hasn’t. I am a perfectionist and I need to let that go, unless I really do want to become Rory Gilmore.

So, this is how I plan to fix it:

1. Sleep — I need to fix my sleep schedule. Waking up as tired as I was the night before does nothing for my productivity.

2. Weekends — should be a time of rest, to see friends, get coffee and do all the things that make you feel good.

3. Water — my intake is the worst it has ever been. I need to be filling my water bottle and bringing it everywhere I go. Non-negotiable.

4. Exercise — this has definitely lapsed. Moving helps you feel good about yourself and is actually quite relaxing for me. I should take more advantage of that.

5. Talk about it — having a tendency to bottle it all up is not helpful. It helps to talk, and maybe that is something you need to work on too.

You might have clicked into this expecting something different, but it is all I have to give this week.

Kindest regards,

Chloe

I am writing this sat on my sofa at 8am with Hamish on my hip, a coffee on the side, and gilmore girls for background noise. The sky is dark, it is drizzling lightly and the weather app suggests we are in for a wet day. Utter bliss.

My life is not romantic in the slightest, and if you have read any of my previous articles you will know I heavily frown upon the romanticisation of academia. And that is not what this article is. What this article actually is, is an opportunity to share my key productivity tip, which is unfortunately weather dependent.

If you type productivity into YouTube you might get some hits which look like this: ‘My top 10 tips for… Why these 5 productivity tips are… My most reliable…’ The titles might be a little different, but the content is usually quite similar.

• Pomodoro

• Time block

• Put your phone in another room

• Have a dedicated working space

etc, etc,. And you know all this, I know all this. It’s not entirely helpful when, as researchers, we already work from 9-5 (or try to) and we need a little something more.

Unfortunately, I don’t know that my productivity tips will be much better. But I thought I would share my own experience with you.

For a bit of context, it would not be hard to guess that my favourite season is Autumn/Winter. I love the crisp autumn mornings walking in to campus, especially when the leaves are crunchy under foot. And walking Hamish when the grass is sparkly, and his little face is lit with excitement over the funny feeling under his paws, is a different kind of enjoyment. Drinking hot chocolate mid-day because it is now cool enough, and socially acceptable. Trips to Babushka for their apple warmers and a slice of carrot cake. There is so much to look forward to.

However, it has to be said there is a downside to this. I romanticise moody weather (if you couldn’t tell). If it is raining, I am happy. Fog on my morning walk? Yes please! Working in a dimly lit office, with only a lamp casting an amber glow — yes! Do you see where the problems creep in? I can’t work when the sun is shining. It is too bright, it hurts my eyes, and it isn’t moody enough. So I had to solve the issue.

Hamish was adopted from the Dog’s Trust almost a year to the day, and while his behaviour has come on leaps and bounds, he still has his moments. One issue we can’t seem to get him to budge on is his watching of the windows, but specifically the window of our office. He knows he is not a guard dog, or at least we hope he does, but this dog is frightened of his own shadow. A slight movement from the direction of the window and he is barking. So we came up with a solution, to put up a recessed curtain behind our roller blinds. This made the room dark, and mostly solved our issue with Hamish. But what it also did, unfortunate for Samuel, was make the room dark. I could work again.

When I say I hate summer, I don’t mean that I hate the slower months of the year, I just hate the weather. Growing up in County Down, it was always wet, and when you are taught to live by the glass half full perspective (thanks mum), you learn to love what you have. I love walking in the rain, I love being on the beach when it is wet and no one wants to be there. Thank goodness Hamish and Samuel agree.

In fact one of my fondest memories of the past three years was a Sunday we decided to go to Mussenden Temple, it was (no surprise) very moody. The sky was threatening rain and we decided to walk up from Castlerock anyway. We were halfway there when the skies opened, and we got drenched. I just remember people running into the ruins of the manor for shelter, and laughing so hard because it had no roof, where were they going to shelter on the very edge of the coast anyway? It was brilliant. I think we eventually dried off, but we had such a great time. We had brought books with us, we went to Awaken, had great coffee and just had the best time.

In fact, in our first few months of dating, I think it was spring day and we went to Castlewellan Forest not expecting it to rain. We were so poorly dressed for any wet weather and the worst downpour came out of nowhere. And when I say we got drenched — my clothes were wet under my fully zipped up coat. But that was fun!

As autumn approaches I feel myself getting more and more nostalgic. My favourite days of summer were always when mum would take us stationery shopping. She would take us to Tesco for our basics: a good staedtler pen was essential (still my favourite to this day), the giant pack of sharpies which were only ever used to make One Direction drawings, the classic yellow and black hb pencils etc. Abigail would get brought to Smiggle, to pick out a new bag and pencil case, always sparkly and always pink. Amy and I would get to order a new bag online (we were cool enough now). My favorite was my Dan and Phil bag when I was fourteen — if you were wondering. Paperchase was still a thing and our lever arch files were stunning. And of course, new coats — for the rain we would inevitably have — which we would never wear (sorry mum). I don’t know when I last did a huge stationery shop, but every August, I yearn for one (however, overconsumption is bad and I would remind you of that).

With August, comes the approach of a new semester, and to be a second-year PhD researcher in little more than a month to go is terrifying! But I hope it is a productive year.

So to close this ramble of an article, here are some thoughts:

My tips to productivity are probably not going to be super helpful if you are someone who works better in a bright room. But I think that is the point. When you enter what is essentially a self-directed degree, you need to figure out what works for you. And that might take a bit of trial and error.

I could give you my top ten productivity tips, and I don’t know where it would get you. Other than making you feel crappy when you try them and they do not work. Which maybe isn’t the conclusion you wanted from this article.

My key productivity tip (for myself) looks like this —

Moody weather, dark room, hot coffee and get the head down.

But, if you really want the key productivity tip it is this —

At the end of the day, it will be your name on that degree certificate, and the only person who can get you across the line is you. You can take all the help and all the advice from your supervisors, colleagues, friends and family, but the key to your own success is you.

You need to do the reading, the research, the thinking, the writing, the drinking of the coffee. It’s all you.

But don’t forget the key: Ph is for thinking. The D is for doing.

You will be your own worst enemy if you let things slide. Find a way to make it work. And if you come across the secret ingredient to productivity, do let me know.

Happy Tuesday

C

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Before we go any further, the Cambridge Dictionary defines the ‘footnote’ as: a note printed at the bottom of a page that gives extra information about something that has been written on that page.1 Alternatively, they offer this: an event, subject, or detail that is not important.2

It is the second definition which brings you this article. Buckle in.

When I started University in 2020, I was conflicted in what I wanted to study. I loved English Literature deeply, but found myself called to History. And so, I opted for a joint degree. But studying both meant I would need to learn two schools of reference.

In English we used MHRA and in History we used The Chicago Manual of Style. I quickly realised, as long as I referenced correctly, my English lecturers did not mind my use of Chicago, and so I stuck with it and thankfully picked it up fairly easily. To this day I still use Chicago and wholeheartedly believe it is one of the best and neatest styles of reference (now entering nerd-ville).

However, I did not realise for quite some time that for my peers, referencing was the bane of their existence. Being online for most of my first-year, we didn’t interact as a group so when we were finally allowed to come onto campus, we formed small groups and got to chatting. That was when the realisation set in.

No one likes footnotes. Shut the front door. What do you mean? No one thought they were particularly interesting or even worth having. But, I disagree.

As historians, footnotes are an essential part of everything we do. In order to provide evidence for the claims we make, we must reference our sources. Instead of breaking up our sentences and paragraphs mid-thought, a footnote makes the most sense.

Providing three basic examples, it might look like this:

No reference:

• The 1641 Rebellion has been of great interest to historians and literary scholars, for many decades, and the digitisation of the 1641 depositions has made it easier than ever to access the vast archival material.

With reference in text:

• The 1641 Rebellion has been of great interest to historians and literary scholars, for many decades, and the digitisation of the 1641 depositions (See Trinity College Dublin, Online Depositions Website) has made it easier than ever to access the vast archival material.

Versus a footnote:

• The 1641 Rebellion has been of great interest to historians and literary scholars, for many decades, and the digitisation of the 1641 depositions has made it easier than ever to access the vast archival material.^[1]

^[1] “The online Depositions Website”, 1641 Depositions, accessed March 4, 2026, at https://1641.tcd.ie/

None of these examples look wildly incorrect. However, I would argue that no reference is wrong, and in a subject like history, referencing in text is also wrong.

My rationale:

Without reference, I don’t take what you are saying at face value. I will question where you got your information, and likely spend way more time looking for your source than reading what you have written. Your work is, unfortunately, immediately discounted for me.

With reference in text, I think it works beautifully for the sciences. If it works, don’t go changing it. However, when we take subjects like History, Politics, or English (to name a few), which are already incredibly wordy, it adds unnecessary text. Not only that, it completely breaks the flow of what is being said.

The use of footnotes allows your writing to flow, and allows the reader to check on your sources in their own time — if they even want to. Casual readers may not care at all. Furthermore, footnotes are a way of adding additional information to your writing without taking away from what is being said in the moment.

For example:

• The 1641 Rebellion has been of great interest to historians and literary scholars, for many decades, and the digitisation of the 1641 depositions has made it easier than ever to access the vast archival material. ^[2]

^[2] “The online Depositions Website”, 1641 Depositions, accessed March 4, 2026, at https://1641.tcd.ie/. Interestingly, while much work has been conducted on 1641, the depositions project itself did not come until much later, beginning as late as 2007.

You may think, this only applies to historians. You might not read journal articles on JSTOR or pick up books published by Four Courts. That is fine. But you must know that footnotes are a crucial part of the academic sphere.

On substack we are seeing an increase in the number of academics coming here to share their thoughts. And in those articles they have footnotes. They might have two, or they might have twenty. I would urge you to take a look at that list.

We are taught to take nothing at face value, and I think that wise. In an age of misinformation, the best gift you can give yourself, is the understanding of a footnote.

Footnotes should be a huge part of what we do. It allows us to communicate our sources and prove to you we have done the work. Using footnotes (correctly I should add) is like retracing the footsteps a researcher took to get their work to a place they were happy with. It is their way of saying, ‘you can trust I have been diligent, but should you doubt, take a peek.’ Alternatively, you might really love a point they have made, and want to read similar work. And then again, you might totally disagree and want to see how they reached their conclusion.

If I leave you with nothing else to think about, consider this:

I had been reading a book about a battle which took place during the Irish Confederate Wars. The key figure of my research had no reason to be in this text, and I knew that. I was looking for something altogether different. But as I was searching through that book I came across a sentence which briefly mentioned the husband of my key figure. Ahh interesting. I glanced at that footnote, thinking nothing of it, and it instead turned out to be a letter from his wife — my key figure. A letter which actually had little to do with the topic of the book, but much to do with my thesis.

This seems unimportant to you, and that is fine, but this is exactly why footnotes are crucial. What was a small reference for the location of a man, turned out to be part of a much larger letter for the woman I was researching. A letter which had slipped by unnoticed, until that footnote appeared!

This is why I love footnotes so much! While we were looking at two very different topics, it turned out we had walked the same road.

While I could talk about footnotes for days, I think it is your turn to offer up some thoughts.

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Happy Tuesday,

C

I will very openly admit, I have a bit of a resting ‘unimpressed’ expression. It is not that I am feeling unimpressed or annoyed, I just can’t control it. I know many people who will say this about themselves. Yet, it has caused me great bother. I cannot tell you how many times I have been told ‘I thought you hated me when I first met you,’ or ‘I really thought you didn’t like me.’ Which just isn’t the case.

How does this apply to my life as a PhD researcher now?

I was on a higher education campus last week, and in the ladies bathroom there was a bright pink poster, the wording:

‘don’t forget to wear your prettiest smile today.’

Because I don’t want to ‘out’ the institution, I won’t share the picture with their branding. But, there is a question I would love to ask that institution — do you promote the same messaging in bathrooms not used predominantly by women?

This is a conversation which creeps up every so often. Women report they are criticized for how they look, speak, dress, or for the lack of a toothy grin — critique which comes more often than the critique of their work.1

I don’t think there is any issue with a reminder here and there to relax our faces, breathe a little deeper and let that breath go, maybe even the suggestion to place a little smile on our lips. Yeah, fine, I can cope with that. But this poster went a step too far for me.

The rise of far-right movements, the trad-wives seeking no degrees and an early marriage (while they are still children), the men who feel threatened by a woman who has some wit about her, etc., etc., is all getting a bit much.

But the last place I expected to see messaging of this kind was in a higher education institution.

I recently read Yesteryear by Caro Claire Burke, and I think it might be one of the best books I have read this year. The book follows a trad-wife who is presenting a life online which is completely fabricated. While she has nannies who care for her numerous children and a number of farm hands, she portrays herself online as a hands on mother who loves nothing more than being a mother. The book takes some incredibly dark turns, men using her platform for their own political gains, and women who are heavily medicated to keep them happy. And the messaging of that book comes at a pretty interesting time.

You might have seen the rise of the ‘trad-wives’ on tiktok, and I am not talking about the SLOMW, or even Ballerina Farm, I am talking the eighteen-year-old girls who are dropping out of school. They are married and having their first, maybe even second child by twenty. They have no intention of going back to school, of learning a trade, getting a job — being self-sufficient. They plan to be stay at home mother’s, they are not worried about divorce — their religion prohibits it (but does it really?).

The realisation that just two years ago we could have had the first female president of the United States, and how we have done a one-hundred-and-eighty degree turn with the tangerine, is terrifying. Because his messaging does not only impact American women, while it has always been here in Northern Ireland (the DUP), it is worsening and it is spreading across Britain (Reform UK).

The issue for me is that the person printing this poster thought it was okay to even print in the first place. And then made the decision to walk into that bathroom and put it inside the stall doors.

I was stood in there so confused. I was looking at posters ranging from ‘ask for angela,’ to 'sign up for our pride events,’ to ‘smile pretty.’ The messaging just seemed so contradictory. On the one hand, you wish to protect us ‘ask for angela,’ then you confirm this is an inclusive institution ‘pride events,’ and then you take it all back with the very basic messaging of ‘smile pretty’ which is more often than not used by men to critique women.

We live in such confusing and contradictory times. If you find you are seeing more of this messaging, resist it. I will not smile pretty for men.

As someone who studies gender history, and whose study heavily focuses upon influential women, I have had no shortage of ‘what can women contribute’ comments. It is likely why I am all the more angry when I see this messaging.

Just know that you are more than what a man thinks of you. And never give them what they want.

Happy tuesday — don’t forget to frown

C

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As of June 30th, I have now completed 19 books. But, to give you a recap of what I had read by May 1st, it looks like this:

So, let’s get into my latest reads…

#15 - We Have Always Lived in the Castle - Shirley Jackson

If you have read my previous reading wrap up, you will know that Jackson was a new author for me this yer, and an author that I approached with hesitation (because her books are often located within the horror section). Yet, I am walking away from yet another book feeling like she may just be one of the greatest novelists ever.

The reader is introduced to two sisters living with their elderly uncle in the family home (castle). The family has been at the centre of a scandal which leaves the townspeople quite sceptical of the sisters. When a relative comes to visit everything seems to go sideways on the sisters, but that is where it starts to get interesting.

Jackson never wrote a sequel, or indeed a prequel, but I could have devoured either in connection with this book. Highly recommend if you are looking for something to add to your Summerween reading list. I would also say, if you liked Rouge or Bunny by Mona Awad — this is one hundred percent for you.

Rating: 5

#16 - Writers & Lovers - Lily King

If you are reading this just after Heart the Lover, it will be an unfair disadvantage for this book.

Following the life of an aspiring writer who is blunt and uninspiring, you will find yourself frustrated with both her and the time it takes her to come to a realisation life is worth living. Much like Heart the Lover the underlying theme of this book is the fragility of life itself, so I would approach with caution.

While the writing is fantastic, I did at times become so frustrated with the slow pace of the book. You might enjoy this if you enjoyed any of Lily King’s other works.

Rating: 4

#17 - The Sirens - Emilia Hart

I read Hart’s debut novel Wayward last year, and I still think it is one of the best books that I have come across that do the ‘timeline jump’ justice. This book was no different. Following the tale of two sisters, who are mirroring their ancestors, it is just all around fascinating. Dealing with some dark themes — rape, slavery, death — it is one to approach with caution. But if you would like a gritty read that engages with Irish history and folkore, it is an interesting read.

Although a little predictable — once you put the pieces together — it had me on the edge of my seat. I can’t wait to see what this author does next.

Rating: 4.5

#18 - So Late in the Day - Claire Keegan

This was a very short read, but I am told it is what Keegan does best. This is the first of her short stories I have picked up, and due to the short nature, I won’t go into too much detail. What I can say, is that I think it is an interesting commentary on the expectations Irish/rural men have for their potential partners and wives. As someone who very much disagrees with the concept of pink and blue jobs etc., this was brilliant.

Rating: 4

#19 - Yesteryear - Caro Claire Burke

I am sure you are familiar with Ballerina Farm, I know she comes up on my feed from time to time, and it is easy to look at her life and think wow. This book rips that plaster off completely. This is such a fantastic look at the trad-wife culture, but also the culture that dominates the far-right extremists. The commentary which runs throughout on money, religion, education — to name a few — is fascinating.

Despite the time jump, if you had told me it was an autobiography, I wouldn’t be shocked. Sad but brilliant read.

Rating: 5

My intention here is not to force opinions of books on you, but to open up the conversation. I don’t believe we can ever truly have the same reading of a book, so I would love for you to leave your thoughts below if you have any.

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I will also say, this has been an oddly positive reading year for me, so I have no doubt a dud is on its merry way. My plan is to read some Summerween books throughout July and August, so expect some more Shirley Jackson to appear and I guess we will see what else comes into view.

Until the next one,

C

September 2025 genuinely feels like it was yesterday.

Of course, I am now faced with the reality that it has in fact been ten months since I began my PhD journey. As the dread set in, feeling like I had achieved very little in that time, I put pen to paper. And if you’ll entertain me, this is the conclusion I came to.

Breaking down my last ten months would look a little something like this — started my PhD, completed the initial assessment, joined Paperclip (thank you Charlotte), wrote my first article (for Paperclip), completed a course in palaeography, joined Accepted Society, met with incredible historians in my field, wrote a chapter, and archived a hell of a lot of material.

That list might not seem that impressive to you — which that is fine — but wins are still a win. And realising that some of you might also be hit with that sense of dread, I wanted to realistically layout what two semesters worth of research looked like for me.

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Semester One: September 2025 — January 2026

September felt like a fever dream. As the only ‘first year’ for History, my induction day was something I had been dreading. Looking back the undergraduate induction was a huge group, my masters was much smaller, and then the PhD was just me. Even though I was sure of myself and why I was there, it was terrifying. Thankfully, I knew one other person in the room. Charlotte much like me, was the only ‘first year’ for English, and to her hip I stuck. We then had so much information thrown at us in the space of five days our heads were spinning. After which we were sent off to do our own thing.

October was a lot of reading, I feel like I did nothing but read. Secondary material was my primary focus, and a lot of wider reading. I think I felt it was a little pointless at the time — why did I need to read about what I already knew? It was of course my own naïve brain which didn’t realise I needed to understand what was going on around my topic as well as the topic itself. I guess some brain days are slower than others.

November was much the same.

December moved to primary materials as I began to prepare for my initial assessment. My university requires that we have a 100 day check-in to make sure everything is going okay and that the topic is still on track.

That assessment occurred at the end of January 2026. I wish I could tell January me to stop panicking — it went well. I was so stressed and unsupportive people were making this worse (I could write a whole article on that alone). I joined the Accepted Society to find a sense of community, and I can truthfully say, it has really helped.

Semester Two: February 2026 — May 2026

February brought with it a wave of relief. The assessment was over me, and I could now focus on beginning to write my chapter. Around my writing, I had a lot of archive material to access, and off to Dublin it was. I was so fortunate that an academic in my area of research was willing to meet with me, and so I did that too. At this point, I was feeling overwhelmed, and booked a Trip to Aberdeen to see my sister in March.

March was archiving, Aberdeen, and little else. I joined Paperclip too, and got started on my very first article which will be available in a physical volume this Autumn — which feels crazy. But it was one of those exercises that meant I could get some words on a page.

I completed two palaeography courses with Durham in April, which I really loved. It was one of those things that I really felt I needed to do. Although I am lucky that the handwriting I read is completely legible ninety percent of the time, there is that ten percent which just trips you up.

As for May, I remember little, and stress was my best friend. I think I did a digital detox somewhere around here. Then amongst my long hours of writing and then some more writing, we ripped out our kitchen cabinets, flooring, skirting etc., and began to renovate our kitchen and living space. Worth it in the end, but oh my days, it is painful.

Semester Three: June 2026 — ongoing

June said a quick hello. I saw Harry Styles, and I wrote a lot — much of which I don’t think I ended up keeping in the chapter. But it was words on a page. And progress is progress no matter how you get there.

I don’t think that it is an exhaustive overview, and a lot happened in between. But looking back over that time, I really do have to ask, where did it go? Did I truly put my best effort in? On some days I probably gave it my all. On others, very little. But overall, I think my effort has been reflected in the words upon the page in Microsoft Word.

So if like me you were feeling like you maybe had not done enough this year, I really hope it helps to set your mind at ease. I don’t believe that the journey to Dr so-and-so is a straightforward one, and I would say those who have completed the journey likely agree. It is a lot of ups and downs, stuff we don’t really want to share, and some days are just not worth the energy. While it is such a rewarding journey, it’s just an uphill battle at the moment. And I won’t sugar coat it.

I cannot wait for my week off. That being said, I truly hope this helps.

Tuesday thoughts, eh?

C

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Why have we lost the run of ourselves? Because everything is performative. Or so the internet tells me.

Just have a look at this search bar:

And, here’s what google has to say on the topic:

These two images lead me to the same conclusion, having a hobby or an opinion is now considered performative. Finding joy in your life is performative. Drinking a matcha, a drink I really enjoy, is performative?

But I raise you this point, everything is performative when you are unhappy.

I have a genuine question for those pushing the idea that everything is performative - are you unhappy because someone else is choosing to get offline and succeeding? Or are you angry that your income stream might dry up when tiktok falls off the face of the earth because everyone is reading instead of watching your rants? Which is so unlikely to happen by the way.

Reminder:

Hobbies are healthy. Existing is healthy.

I love reading, in fact, I am constantly promoting reading as a hobby (as if she needs my help). I enjoy spending an hour walking around a bookshop, picking books up off the shelf, and finding the perfect next read.

I might even take that book and head straight to the coffee shop. I might break it open and get reading. But, that would be very performative of me. Or so the internet tells me.

I watched a video just last night of someone journaling in public. What had previously been an escape for her was met with criticism as she was accused of being performative for writing her thoughts down on paper. All you have to do is click into her profile to see she has been doing this for years. In fact, many of us have.

Do you see what is wrong with that?

As someone who is a little socially awkward, and a bit uncomfortable in most social scenarios, I enjoy being able to bring a book with me wherever I go. However, the comments of disapproval seem to be increasing.

I love the videos where people try to figure out what someone is reading on the tube. And when it’s my favourite book, I am all the more delighted. But I stand by my own belief that no one is reading performatively down there. It’s smelly, it can make you feel unwell, and there’s always the fear if you take your phone out, it could get stolen. Regardless of that, as someone who gets a bit travel sick, books have been my saving grace. Screens on the other hand, not so much. But that might reverse for someone who is not me. Maybe the book makes you feel sick, and a screen makes you feel better. Who knows!

Either way, it’s probably not performative.

The coffee shop thing, again, I don’t think it is performative. I think that good coffee is all too often hard to come by, and when you do find somewhere good you want to make an experience of it. I have my favourite spots in Belfast, but I am often out alone making my way to or from the university. Sitting in and enjoying the coffee from an actual cup, rather than a paper cup is so much better. So rather than sit awkwardly are stare at nothing, I will get my book out and I will read. It is one of those slower moments that I don’t get enough, and when I do, I appreciate it so much. Those 30 minutes might be the most relaxing minutes of my week. Most PhD researchers will likely relate to that.

Again, a little reminder:

Existing is healthy

Let’s break the ‘performative’ down:

• Matcha

• Tote bag

• Wired earphones

• Books

• Glasses

• Notebooks / Journaling

I am sure there are more, but I use all of these things.

Matcha is one of those drinks that I really got into around 2014 when Starbucks still called it the green latte, or something. I really enjoyed it and it just expanded from there. I would never drink a starbucks matcha now, but I appreciate her for the introduction to a magical world of green goodness.

I have more tote bags than I can count, because I travel quite a bit. They are a must when I go shopping or to the library. You won’t catch me paying for a plastic carrier bag. Totes fold down into nothing in your primary bag, and everyone should carry one.

Wired earphones are handy for my laptop when I am writing. It reduces my need to pick up my phone. That’s it.

Books, I don’t think I need to go over again. I just love reading. Why live one life, when you can live so many.

“A reader lives a thousand lives before he dies, said Jojen. The man who never reads lives only one.” George R.R. Martin

Glasses are kind of obvious, I need them to see.

Putting my thoughts down on paper is completely different to typing them up. There is something about the slow nature of writing that actually helps you to think deeper. I don’t see why that is an issue. If anything, it can increase your productivity. Buy the notebook, it might help.

What do I want you to take away from this?

Your existence is a requirement. I want you to come away from this and think about what you might have unknowingly boxed yourself into.

Have you stopped allowing yourself to do something because you are afraid of the internet finding out and picking on you?

Have you stopped reading in public, or ordering your matcha?

Maybe you have stopped dressing for you, and instead you are dressing for your internet critic.

I want you to be you. Forget about the influencers and the online bullies. And be you.

Exist how you always have, exist better, exist in a way that makes you happy.

Happy tuesday,

C

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I fear that providing receipts for this type of content is exactly what these creators want, so instead I will give you a brief synopsis.

1. Start the video out angry

2. Talk about the north coast (Coleraine, Portrush, Portstewart)

3. Group ‘young christians’ in to one very specific category

4. Make fun of them

And, that is how every single video goes.

I am a huge fan of coffee, and I love the coffee, especially when I am in the North Coast. If I am in Portrush, you know you’ll find me at Babushka. When in Portstewart, I love Lost & Found and Awaken. They each make incredible coffee. As does Vittle Bakeshop, which might have been responsible for my weight gain while at University — and that is not a complaint, so worth it.

But what these videos focus on is these places exactly. They claim that they walk in and it is packed with young people highlighting their bibles, harassing other coffee drinkers with their beliefs, and engaging in far right commentary. Where I take issue with this is that yes, I have seen them highlighting their bibles, but never once have I been subjected to any kind of harassment.

It’s fairly typical that my partner and I will pop in for a flat white, and a caramel latte, or maybe a matcha. It really depends what I am feeling that day. Sometimes I will opt for the flat white (oat always). The bakes are always incredible. We always sit in, always at a table of two, and we do like to observe what is going on around us. But like me, he has never been made to feel uncomfortable in any way.

If you follow me on instagram, you will have seen me put up a post asking for your thoughts on this.

So here are a few of the responses I got:

• I am intimidated by the coffee culture. I feel judged for ordering a syrupy coffee.

• The bible thing can be a bit weird, but that’s probably because I don’t understand it.

• BT9r’s with no jobs!

• BT9 on the coast

• The food is good, but I go to bob and bert’s for a coffee

• A lot of students

• Dry robes everywhere!! they are so stupid!!

These are just a few of the responses, and I want to respond to these.

The coffee culture can 100% be intimidating. I like syrup in my coffee and sometimes you do get the feeling of judgement when you ask for a vanilla latte. But I will say, they usually have the syrup, and they aren’t the one drinking it. So order what you like! I know I do!

The BT9 comments makes me chuckle, because to a certain extent, yes. I feel like the coast gets overrun with the holiday home owners in the summer. But, I never see them in Autumn, Winter, and for the most part, Spring. It also makes me laugh because I get accused of having this accent, which makes me think, you don’t know what a BT9 accent is. You just don’t like that I don’t finish my sentences with a ‘so it is,’ ‘lad,’ or ‘love.’

The food is good! Agree! And the Babushka smoky beans are what I live for.

Hate to break it to you, there is a university campus nearby. But you also have them to thank for keeping the towns open through what are are arguably some of the worst trading months for coffee shops.

Yes, there is a sea. That would equal to dry robes. But 95% of dry robe use on the coast, I will agree, is a bit unnecessary. Unless you’ve been in the water, put it away.

What my comment box taught me was that most people are of the same opinion that I am. The coffee is good, the atmosphere is good. But no one feels intimidated or harassed by someone highlighting their bible.

Is it really that different to me sitting in a coffee shop highlighting some primary source materials? Would you know the difference, or would you lump me into the same grouping?

What this content is, is bullying. And comments were left on these videos, arguing just that. Comments were asking for more clarification on what was being said, because despite not being a believer themselves (the commenter), they had never experienced this. The creator simply replied with a ‘I don’t care,’ no further explanation, or a rather colourful ‘f*ck off.’

I wanted to do some digging of my own on this type of content, which led to more and more of these videos coming up for me. While some were lighthearted come with me jokes, others were incredibly nasty. A university student had commented on one of these videos, asking for clarity on what had made the creator so uncomfortable, and instead of talking to her civilly, the creator blocked her and stitched the video making fun of her religion and appearance.

I don’t know when we became so confident in bullying other people online, but surely this is where the line is drawn. Making up tales of harassment for some views? While damaging the image of a group of young people who are staying out of the way and doing their own thing?

If you were to be annoyed about anything, I would think it would be the street preachers with loudspeakers in Belfast. Perhaps the 90-year-old woman shouting abortion is murder when she can’t even conceive herself. Perhaps the man who is groping someone on a bus, or train. The constantly changing flags, or ‘flegs’, on lampposts and buildings. The lack of actual work being done in Stormont because we have an idiotic system where one party can collapse the whole thing. People still arguing over ‘Derry’ and ‘Londonderry.’ The serious problems we have with racism in this country. The sexism. The murder of innocent women. And so much more!

None of that makes you angrier than an eighteen-year-old seeking some peace and comfort from her bible?

You are bullying someone for their beliefs, in a space they feel comfortable in, probably because the music is chill, they don’t sell alcohol, but instead sell coffee and tea. Maybe she’ll get a hot chocolate or a matcha. She’ll sit down and mind her own business. And now she has to worry about you telling lies and bullying her on the internet.

You have taken a bad experience with someone who holds extreme beliefs, and you have placed it on them all. I can guarantee were you to sit down and have a conversation with her, you would have more in common than you think.

Happy Thursday,

C

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Enough already. I am tired of the romanticisation of academia. So, let’s talk about it.

This has been a topic that has bothered me for quite a while, but it has been really playing on my mind for the past few weeks.

But why?

Recently, I have been working around the clock in an attempt to get my chapter to a place I am happy with it. I will admit that I have been a bit hasty with earlier drafts that I was, quite frankly, really unhappy with. I spiralled a little bit, and suddenly, my weekends and evenings have been spent thinking, and reading, and writing. My ideal schedule of Monday-Friday, and setting it down for the weekend has come crashing in on itself.

I’ve posted on my stories various locations I have been working from (as you do), and comments kept coming in…

‘I can’t wait to study in aesthetic locations when I am in University.’

‘Doing a PhD must be so tasty.’

‘Another coffee shop? Lucky girl.’

‘Moody sunday writing session? Looooove.’

And yes, these are actual messages I received. But, that is when it became apparent to me that there is some kind of misconception that overworking yourself is incredibly romantic.

And yes, I can hold my hands up and say that working in the archive is incredibly beautiful, and wonderful, and everything else. However, working around the clock, thinking, and reading, is mentally exhausting.

If I appear zoned out, or like I am not in the conversation, that is likely the case. I am not listening to you tell me about your struggles of shopping for the perfect top, when all I can think about is:

‘where on earth did I read that quote? I must have written it down somewhere. Notion is on my phone. I could look. Would it be rude to pick up my phone right now? I’ll just sit with the thought.’

What follows is several minutes, maybe hours, of repeating the quote, or thought, repeatedly in my head until I can write it down.

Why do I refuse to romanticise academia?

The answer is simple. The life that I lead is not romantic. It is not romantic to work until you drop. It is not natural to think of nothing but work. A twelve-hour live stream is often pre-recorded, and likely over several days.

An example I could provide to give some perception is this:

Stacy dreams of opening a coffee shop.

How fulfilling would it be to see everyone off to work in the mornings with a flat white and a pep in their step?

In her head, there is no rush, no spilt milk, no burns from the steam arm. No one is getting angry at her as the line grows and grows, because she hadn’t staffed the shop adequately that morning.

The mundane slips from vision because Stacy has no experience at all of what that world is like, other than being a recipient of a tiktok featuring coffee, or standing in a line herself to order a coffee.

While many of us laugh about the idea of opening a coffee shop, or a bookstore, or even a bakery — we know it is not realistic. However, this understanding seems to fall dead when academia comes out to play.

I love what I do. I love research. I love writing.

However, when it all gets too much — it really gets too much. And, to be totally honest with you, if you see someone sitting still for twelve hours, staring blankly at a screen — it has gotten to be too much.

That is not the point at which we should romanticise academia. And yet, it’s the content which gets the most views, likes, comments, and shares. And I can guarantee most of those are coming from those in the age range of 16-21. Sixth-form students, and undergraduates, who envision being completely taken off their feet by research, without realising, that while it is a gift, it is also a heavy burden.

If you work in retail, you can turn it all off, lock the door and walk away. That was one of the parts I actually liked about it. But when your work depends on your brain constantly running new ideas in the background, you cannot turn it off.

That should not be romanticised. Trust me.

And yes, the outfits are stunning, Dead Poet’s Society is one of my favourite movies, and Babel is a brilliant book. But that is just the tip of the iceberg when we think about dark academia. What lies in the background of those trends is not so aesthetically pleasing.

I don’t share the photo of my desk covered in painkillers, tissues, undrank coffee, and energy drinks — because that is not romantic. But it is the reality that so many of us exist in.

I have books stacked always — and not in a romantic way! Instead it is in a frantic ‘I know I read it somewhere’ kind of way. My desk is never not chaotic. No matter where I am. Just ask my office companions.

And perhaps, with the increase of ‘influencers’ in academic spaces, reality needs pushed more so than the aesthetically pleasing desk picture.

That is not to say that you shouldn’t enjoy what you do, or share that you do, but a line needs to be clearly drawn. We cannot push the narrative that it is always great, nor that we actually work 12-hours a day without getting burnt out.

It’s not sustainable. And it is unfair of you to try and say it is.

—

Just some thoughts for a tuesday.

C

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So what did three days in London look like?

Friday:

We did so much book shopping, and came across a bookshop which was totally new to me, and must have missed on my previous trips. Managed to find some great independent coffee shops (if there’s anything you take away from this, always try to support the local businesses, rather than the chains), and enjoyed a lot of good pasta.

Having a tendency to return to where I know, I make it a point of staying near Kew Gardens, which is just by the National Archives, London. So, you are guaranteed a nice walk around the park, or by the river in Richmond, which is exactly what I did.

Of course, I stopped by the pop-up, and got my exclusive t-shirt (because that’s all the proof I needed that I was actually there). I got the best Jenki Matcha I have had to date. Although, it may have been that good due to the high I was experiencing from the thought of seeing Harry later that evening.

And of course, the day was finished off with Shania Twain and Harry. I cried. It was brilliant. He looked incredible. He sounded incredible. It was easily one of the best crowds I have ever been amongst at a concert. Just ugh, wow. I wish I could go and do it all again.

Saturday:

Not really knowing what I wanted to do after Harry, I quite spontaneously booked a train to my favourite English city, Oxford. If you’ve been around for a bit, you’ll know that I am a historian. And a lot of the material I work with comes from the National Library, Ireland, and the Bodleian. So, exploring Oxford without the weight of archiving over your shoulders is actually really nice.

Finally, I was able to make the time to explore the Ashmolean Museum, which is definitely one to put on your list.

And of course, had to stop by the old faithfuls. One of my favourite spots is the Oxford Wine Cellar, which very conveniently is just down the street from my favourite shop, Sanders of Oxford. Sanders are responsible for a little collection of etchings that I am growing, which should eventually make their way up onto a gallery wall — if I could just find some frames I am happy with.

And again, Oxford has stunning scenery, just bring some comfortable shoes and you’ll have a great time.

Sunday:

Aside from Harry, what I was most excited for happened on Sunday. As a child, I was absolutely obsessed, and I mean obsessed, with Fantastic Mr. Fox. You might have figured where this is going…

I went to the Wes Anderson exhibition, at the Design Museum, and ohhhh my days!! If you love, or even just mildly enjoy, Anderson’s work — you must go! They have everything from Mr Fox himself, to the props, costumes, scripts, and the notebooks! His notebooks, with all the ideas! Just sitting there in a display case. Yes. I cried. It was fantastic!

Unfortunately for us, we were flying back on Sunday, and the Gatwick line was closed for unexpected repair. So, it did become a bit stressful trying to get there.

But! I did finish the day out with my usual stop by Waterstones and Daunt. Had a lovely walk through Holland Park, and yes, more coffee.

So that is, in a snapshot, how I spent three days away in London. It was a slower pace than what I would typically be up for. But, after taking little to no time off this year, it was much needed.

Happy Thursday!

C

I fully admit that I am not the biggest fan of children. I didn’t like being a child, nor did I enjoy the company of other children. Growing up, it was easy to see that I was different from my siblings. They enjoyed playing outside with their friends, getting up on a stage and dancing, or as they got older, posting the 2020 tiktok dances. But as far back as I can remember, I was happy in my own company. I liked to pass the time by myself, usually in my head, or with a world unfolding from the pages I was reading. I was obsessed with all the big series, Hunger Games, Divergent, Harry Potter, Twilight. And it was in those worlds that I existed. John Green became my escape from reality as I hit my teenage years, and eventually I moved on to Shadow Hunters, ACOTAR, and many more.

And looking at that list, to me at least, that feels regular. It feels normal. I watched Dan and Phil religiously, I was raised by Zoe Sugg, Joey Graceffa, and, Tati Westbrook. I am sure there were so many more, but they stick in my mind as having had the most influence.

As for music, I was obsessed with One Direction (I am just back from Together Together and omds!!), Justin Bieber, BMTH, Fall Out Boy, Taylor Swift, The Wanted, etc.

I had normal interests. I liked all the right things. I played with my Rainbow Loom all day everyday, while listening to music and audiobooks. And yet, the ‘alien’ at the table was me. And context here may be key to understanding why.

Key Context:

I was born in Northern Ireland during the early 2000s into a large family of the unionist/protestant persuasion. If you know me, you will know that I don’t hold those values, and I was aware of that from a very young age. My cousins would be involved in various loyalist activities, as would the said wider family members. My mum seemed to me to be the only ‘normal’ one among them. She did not enjoy the loyalist atmosphere, and to her credit, did her best to keep us sheltered from a lot of what was going on, or from knowing what the events, like the twelfth and thirteenth of July, were even about.

So, that is one key context.

The other is that I was an undiagnosed, over achieving, sensitive child. I was severely bullied throughout my entire childhood, and well into my teenage, and even adult years.

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It was only when I was much older, and began to see the school counsellor, that I realised I was being severely bullied. The name calling had always bothered me, so I fell away into my own spaces, and I didn’t come out much. I became sensitive about my weight from the diet culture that surrounded us (and yes, Hollywood right now should terrify you), so I stopped snacking. I ate my three meals, and absolutely nothing else. I drank so much water, that often I was so full, I couldn’t eat. The weight dropped off me, and instead of concern, an aunt told me I was the best I had ever looked — my cankles no longer offended her.

My reading habits were weird, the tv shows I liked were weird, the music I liked was weird. And I never heard the end of it. And of course, like all good children, we were scared into compliance by the misuse of bible verses. When it came time for my first ‘adult’ relationship (I use this lightly, I was sixteen), I did not understand that the abuse inflicted upon me was not love.

My bruises were not from a place of love, my constant crying was not a result of endless affection, the church could not save me, and I could not save myself. When I tried to get out I was hit with threats of self harm, harm to me, or worse. I had to remain while I was bullied, physically harmed, cheated on, and so much more. I was forced to lie to cover his deceit. When I asked for help, no one believed me. A family member told lies about me (which I found out later from several sources). While I was being abused, that person who could have stepped in to protect what was essentially a child, instead chose to spread heinous lies.

You might want to ask me, why talk about this now?

I have recently read a fantastically written memoir by Jennette McCurdy, I’m Glad My Mom Died. Now to be clear, I wish no one dead, especially not my mother. However, I resonated with so much in this book, so much so that it quite frankly scared me. And after talking to a few friends, I realised a lot of them felt the same. (You really need key context of the plot of this book. Without ruining the plot for you, McCurdy comes from a Mormon background, and had undiagnosed OCD for much of her life)

You may know that Northern Ireland is one of the most dangerous places in the UK for women.1 What you might not fully realise, is that ‘98% of women in Northern Ireland have experienced at least one form of violence or abuse in their lifetime, with half (50%) experiencing this before they were 11 years old.’2

That is a frightening statistic.

However… Just last week, riots broke out in Belfast, following a vicious attack on a white man. And, the reason I tell you he is white, is because what followed was a series of pogroms.

pogrom, (Russian: “devastation,” or “riot”), a mob attack, either approved or condoned by authorities, against the persons and property of a religious, racial, or national minority.3

A lot of the coverage online has said the exact same thing as I am about to. These riots broke out because certain groups (primarily loyalist men) are shockingly racist, and all they needed was a little something to give them a boost. What occurred last week was nothing short of thuggery. Pure hatred. Disgusting behavior.

A white man is attacked by a black man = can riot.

A black man is attacked by a white man = no riot.

Over thirty women killed by white men in Northern Ireland since 2020 = no riot.4

Sorry???

And, I assume most would agree with me, that those statements speak for themselves. But, it brought me back to Jennette’s book, to my own experiences.

But, where is the link?

Link

I was so angry about what was happening, and because I live outside Belfast, I was beyond frightened. I shared my frustration on my personal instagram account, and family members came out of the woodwork to condemn my condemnation of what was happening in Belfast. Can you imagine?

It was at that moment I realised, I am so unbelievably happy to be the alien at the dining table. Because, association with people like that, is not what I want. I was ‘mature for my age,’ because I stated loudly, and clearly, that I disagreed with the comments made around me, such as:

‘Make me lunch’

‘is dinner ready yet?’

‘I don’t know/care, ask your mum’

‘mum will do it’

and my personal favorite, ‘woman.’

I disagreed with the twelfth and thirteenth of July ‘celebrations.’ I disagree with the loyalist band parades. And, I wholeheartedly disagree with the orange order, and it’s counterparts.

I do not think women belong in a kitchen. I do not think the celebration of an event which happened in the seventeenth-century, in the way that this is celebrated, is normal. It is a culture I am familiar with, and yet, I am totally unfamiliar with it.

Tattoos of union jacks and loyalist symbols, etc. disgust me. Tattoos of bible verses on these people, disgust me. Church members in the orange disgust me. The riots and pogroms, you guessed it, disgust me. Men who treat their ‘women’ like trash — disgust me. Men and women who claim to lead a perfect life, and use the bible to aid their abusive actions, disgust me. The loyalist culture of Northern Ireland — disgusts me. Men in this country, for the most part, disgust me.

So much of the extreme right wing views are protected by loyalism, or the bible (taken out of context), and if this is you, I would strongly urge you to check yourself.

I might be an alien to you, but I am happy to be one.

I could never condemn someone for the colour of their skin, the spacing of their eyes, the religion they follow, their gender, or because they choose to love someone that you see as unfit.

“You shall not take vengeance, nor bear any grudge against the children of your people, but you shall love your neighbor as yourself: I am the Lord.”5

“And the second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’”6

“And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength.’ This is the first commandment. And the second, like it, is this: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.””7

In case you forgot, Jesus was not a white man. Abusing a woman is not okay. Abusing anyone for that matter, is not okay. The loyalist culture in this country is not okay. The abuse of religion to scare children, is not okay.

Happy Tuesday

C

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This article was sparked by a conversation I had with a good friend of mine last week. Someone she knew very well had started to, almost, morph into her. But, it was in a really forced manner.

And, by forced, it wasn’t a case of picking up phrases, or repeating quotes. It was mimicking everything she did. From how she dressed (intentionally) to ‘personalising’ items in the exact same way my friend had.

It did really get me thinking about social media though. I have been seeing the exact same post over, and over, and over again, for the past three weeks. I actually started out assuming the same person was just reposting old content, but realised maybe five posts in, they were all unrelated creators… Does no one have a personality anymore?

The post was essentially this:

• coffee shop background

• very specific book

• annotated copies

• notebooks

• half drank coffee

• half a traybake

and then, make it dark academia. Moody lighting is a must for this post. There has to be a candle somewhere, and don’t forget the moody rainfall soundtrack to accompany it.

I love these posts as much as the next gal, but oh my days, do we have to post the exact same thing as each other? And the book! Oh my goodness. I don’t hear about it for years, and now because Jack Edwards (this is just an example, I love Jack) decides it’s a banger, it’s huge!

I feel like we are seeking out the new Harry Potter, and if I am being totally honest with you, I am tired of being forced to read books because, 'this is actually the best book ever written, and if you haven’t read it yet, what are you doing with your life?’

Let me get something straight. You can have a favourite book, and you can even tell me that I must read it. But, when 300 people come out on the same day, who clearly have not read it, and are pushing it on me — it screams you have no personality. You are jumping on a trend, and I will likely refuse to read it.

Babe. You need a personality, and you need to make it one that is your own. My instagram feed pleases me, it is not trendy, I don’t jump on trends, or push content on you. Why? Because, I have a personality. I know who I am.

Here, steal it. My favourite:

• author, as of today anyway, is Iris Murdoch

• human, is my partner, Samuel

• animal, is my dog, Hamish

• beverage at home — matcha

• beverage out — a filter

• food — pasta

• snack — almonds

• book I read this year — Hangsaman

• tv show — Gilmore Girls

• fictional character — James P. Sullivan, Monsters Inc.

• singer — Harry Styles, or, Taylor Swift, or, Joshua Burnside

• group — The National

A lot of my personality might scream basic, but at least I genuinely know what I like.

If you are someone who finds themselves clinging to the personality of someone else, I hate to be the one to tell you this. You don’t know yourself intimately enough to make yourself happy. And, that saddens me. Genuinely.

We are so focused on getting offline now, and I am one of those people doing just that. Because, I cannot live in a world of copycats and trends. I like my analogue life, I like being offline in a way that works for me, and I would encourage you to do the same.

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Happy Tuesday,

C

So I want to break it down for you. But do note, that my day will look very different to someone who spends their day in the lab conducting experiments.

I break my day into three sittings, and the timing of these sittings will vary, based on my location, i.e., office, library, or home office. I break my day like this because it is how my brain and body best function. What works for me, might not for you.

Furthermore, I just don’t do my best thinking during the early hours. I am very much someone who can focus better in the evenings. Bring me the cold, dark, wet, and moody nights — I can work for hours. Although, Hamish, my doggo, very much contributes to this. He is most active in the mornings when there is lots of coming and going, he is a barker, so it is hard to get down to some focused work. So, my day will reflect that as well.

Basic daily toolkit:

• Laptop 💻

• AirPods 🎧

• Glasses 👓

• Notebook (I have the Rhodia soft cover, I love her so much) 📖

• Pens, highlighters, etc 🖋️

• Hand cream, eye drops, lip balm 💋

• Huge water bottle - gotta stay hydrated 🥤

• Snacks (almonds, cashews, and i’m really keen on the mocha kitkat at the moment) 🥨

• Coffee/Matcha 🍵

These are general overviews:

Sitting one:

This can range from 1.5 - 2.5hrs, depending on the day.

• Admin — typically this is when I will send, and reply to, emails. Update my PhD Manager (I hate it, iykyk). Apply for workshops, seminars etc.

• Reading — you might do this too, but if I see an article that might be relevant, I will email it to myself. I will use this time to read those, and make some light notes.

• Meetings — generally if it suits everyone, I like my meetings to take place in that initial sitting. I am mostly bouncing ideas off my supervisors, taking some notes, no heavy writing etc.

• Planning — this is also the best time to organise any archive trips, or to order materials into the library via inter-loan. I also quite like my morning sitting for planning my afternoon — a rough guide for what needs written and pulling the relevant materials for that.

I like to have a late lunch, so I will have that after my first sitting. Usually, an everything bagel, with some cream cheese, and some everything spices — yuuummm! I’ll also walk Hamish

Sitting two:

I very much rely on pomodoro for this section of my day. I use the Forest App — which I have been obsessed with since my A-Levels.

• 50/10: Draft zero — I am very much in the middle of writing right now. And if you read my last article, I talked about the benefits of a draft zero. This session is entirely dedicated to that. It means I don’t go out of my way for complete footnotes, format, or correct spelling etc.

• 50/10: Draft zero — While I am continuing in this, I always have a notebook by my side. I’ll make notes for myself of areas I want references for, or direct quotes, where I think a primary source would go etc. I also have a lot of ideas for different chapters that will come up during writing, so I note those down to prevent a tangent.

• 50/10: Clarification — I use this time to run through my notes, add in what was missing, fix the references. But, I won’t correct any of the writing. I’ll come back to why.

• 30mins: I use this time to go over any emails I might have missed, gather the readings that I need etc.

After this sitting, I will make my dinner, before sitting back down, one hour later.

Sitting three:

Again, I heavily rely on pomodoro for this sitting. Occasionally, I will have an evening session which means I will only do one pomodoro session.

• 50/10: Yesterday’s writing — You might completely disagree with this, but I need time away from what I have written to see the mistakes. This is when I will take the draft zero from the day previous and give it some attention. I occasionally run over my time which doesn’t bother me. I will still stick to the 50/10 for my next session. But this is when I make corrections, format, etc. Anything I want to delete goes into a page in Notion, just incase.

• 50/10: Reading — I am now brushing up on any areas where I feel my knowledge is lacking. I recommend doing this in one sitting, rather than picking up books in the middle of writing, because it does really break the natural flow.

• 30mins: This time is so important for closing out your day. Make some reflections, note down anything you want to come back to. Have a rough idea of how tomorrow should look.

• Save everything and close the laptop down.

I aim for around 6-8 hours of work a day. However, not all of that time will be writing. A lot of what I had been doing in my early months was reading, and reading, and then some more reading. I have been archiving, seeking primary sources, getting to know the historiography, and the work of the researchers in my area. That is why I can now sit down and write. However, that does not mean I am writing thousands of words an hour. If you know anything about history, you’ll know that references and footnotes are everything. It might take me two hours to find a reference for one sentence. And that is just how it is unfortunately.

I also have to account for the fact that my day is frequently disrupted by Hamish, meetings, phone calls, training sessions, and the list goes on. This is very much an ideal day. I wish I had more of them. However, I do try my very best to stick to this, because it works so well for me.

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Happy Thursday,

C

What works for me won’t always work for you etc etc.

But, I thought it might be helpful to run through some of these, and give you my thoughts. And, if you would like to agree, or disagree, with me — please leave me a comment!

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1. Treat your PhD like a 9-5

This might be the best advice for someone who can sit down at 9, work a lunch hour, and leave at 5. However, as a night owl, this was the most unhelpful advice that I received — when I took it literally.

I work from home three days a week. And my home schedule looks like this:

• 6:30am: up, walk Hamish, and coffee

• 8am: feed Hamish and myself

• 9am: exercise and shower

• 10am: light reading

• 10:30am - 1pm: work (2.5hrs)

• 1pm - 2pm: walk the dog and eat lunch

• 2pm-5:30pm: work (3.5hrs)

• 5:30pm-6:30pm: make and eat dinner

• 6:30-8:30pm: work (2hrs)

And, even if I don’t stick to this exactly, I always get my hours in.

It is so important to listen to your body, and figure out what works for you. So, treat it like a regular working day — but make it one that works for you.

2. Don’t read for pleasure

I still question this honestly. During a session that I attended, on structure or something, we were told by the person leading the session that reading for pleasure was a waste of time. The only thing he wanted us to read for 3-6 years, depending on your length of course, was research papers.

Excuse me sir? What do you mean I can’t read for pleasure?

I felt incredibly annoyed by this as everyone else was agreeing with him. If you don’t know, I am an early modernist, and heavily rely upon letters. Those letters are often filled to the brim with references to books, poems, plays, newsletters etc. Reading is in itself an act of informing yourself about the world you are trying to navigate. Not only that, they are great to escape what you are doing.

I don’t really watch tv or movies, my primary form of entertainment is reading.

His expectation was that we give up our weekends and evenings to the PhD. So, I would spend my Monday-Friday working hours on it. I would devote my evenings, and I would even devote my weekends. This is insane.

Don’t push your unrealistic expectations on me!

Maybe you agree with this though. And, if you do, tell me why.

3. Write a draft ‘zero’

I think this is the best piece of advice I received — as someone who is afraid to make mistakes.

This problem is not unique to me. In fact, anyone I have talked to about this has said the same thing. We are our own worst critic, and, we will use ‘editing’, and ‘formatting’, as a form of procrastination.

Draft zero allows you to get everything on the page without fear of being judged - by yourself, or your supervisor. I don’t know who I can credit with the idea of draft zero, but you will find so much information on it out there.

As I understand it:

• blank document

• stream of consciousness

• no footnotes

• no edits

• just you and the page

Draft one is where the edits can happen, the footnotes get added, the formatting gets fixing. Draft zero is for the mess of your own mind — and I love it.

4. Don’t make friends

This is the absolute worst piece of advice — and I don’t recommend you listen to it. I certainly didn’t.

The person who offered this little nugget of wisdom up, is no longer a friend of mine. Well, I don’t consider them to be a friend anyway. Because why are you telling me that everyone I meet is my competition and someone to be afraid of? This person had me genuinely fearful walking into my first day that no one would speak to me, and that I would be immediately shunned to a corner.

Instead, I met the best group of people, across all subjects. I can now safely say I have really good friends across the school of arts and humanities, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

This may be a scenario that is entirely unique to me — but on the off you are told this — it is nonsense. For me, it came down to this person’s fear that I could have other friends, which is both really sad, and concerning.

Make friends. The only person you are in competition with is yourself.

5. Pick a hobby

I cannot emphasise this enough — you need to pick a hobby and you need to stick with it.

My research occupies my every thought. I think about it when I am in the shower, when I am walking the dog, on the train to and from campus. I have dreams about my research. You won’t be the exception to the rule, which is why you need a hobby.

Personally, I love squash. I think it is a great sport to get your whole body moving, and it gets the tension out in a safe manner. And, if you didn't guess, I read, a lot.

I love coffee, and I really love matcha. There is nothing better than trying out new spots with your friends — we are currently obsessed with Phin in Belfast — the matcha is incredible. And we go there to escape for a little while. We might even pop into Waterstones while we are at it.

You need a hobby to feel, and remain, human. You are more than your research, you shouldn't put life on hold.

It is so important to remember that no two people are the same, and therefore, no two journeys can be the same. Your experience will be different to mine, and mine is different from Amy’s, and Amy’s from Abigail’s, and so forth.

What is important is that you are here, and you are doing so well.

I want to leave you with is this:

Enjoy yourself, and have fun with it. This is the only time ever that you will be able to dedicate days-upon-days of your life to one single piece of work. Soak it all in. Enjoy it. Document it. Share it.

And, help the next lot up. It is your duty to see that they have a good experience too.

Food for thought, eh?

C

I will assume you know, but if you don’t, Rory Gilmore is one of the lead characters in an incredibly popular tv show, Gilmore Girls.

I first discovered this show around 2014, re-runs would be on when I would get out of school, and then I discovered the whole series was available on demand. It might have been Netflix — I honestly cannot remember. But, I quickly became obsessed.

For as long as I could remember, I had been an avid reader. I wasn’t necessarily into the trendy activities like my friends, and at thirteen, my primary goal was to get into and attend a good university. Just your basic teens goals really.

I was quiet, read a lot, spoke too fast, studied day and night, and drank way too much coffee for my age. And so, I really connected with the show, and more specifically, with Lorelai (for reasons I won’t get into now). But, everyone around me watched as I became obsessed and needed to know what it was that had stolen all my free time.

That is when the comments began, and didn’t end:

‘you’re just like Rory’

‘you’ll want to be like her when you grow up’

‘you are as strange as that girl’

‘will you fall off the wagon too’

‘you’re taking a gap year? you really are Rory’

‘will you ever go back or do we need some man to ask you WhY dId YoU dRoP oUt Of YaLe…’

I have religiously watched this show for over ten years. I watch it everyday. If I am not watching it, it is on for background noise. But it is always on. And that in itself screams something about me — let’s not get into that.

But being told that I was Rory Gilmore, after being burnt out, and wanting some time between my degrees was really upsetting. Rory was high-strung, I had been told the same. The pressure got to her, she exploded. Was that what I was doing?

Being told that I was Rory — and after watching A Year in A Life — not only upset me, but changed how I viewed myself and my progress. I felt I couldn’t make a move, but it would be wrong.

I was embarrassed when I was at work and someone who had taught me during my a-levels would ask, ‘oh are you still working here?’ Without giving me time to explain, that I was starting my Masters soon, which would lead me to my end goal: a fully funded PhD. I felt like a huge failure.

I would work three-four days of the week, in a job that I hated and was not appreciated at — putting in silly hours, when you are not thanked for it will also burn you out fyi. I would then spend every hour outside of that in the library trying to make up for my big failure. And I kept this up through my masters and in the months before I started my PhD.

What was supposed to be time to recover, before starting my next huge project, turned into guilt for not studying, increasingly ridiculous hours in the library, and you guessed it — total burn out.

I never wanted to be Rory Gilmore. I have a love hate relationship with everything past season four of the show. I loved her at Chilton. But I never wanted to be her. And being told that I was her, queue the dramatic effects now, ruined my life (in a way).

Words have such a big impact on us. I am constantly fearful of the words that I use, and how they might be misinterpreted.

I self-censor, I hide away, I keep a small circle. That probably won’t change because two people, my partner included (hi Samuel) read this article.

I have huge fears that stem from a comparison that was made over ten-years ago, and continued to be made for years to follow. The most recent comment was only a few days ago — hence the article.

It does make me wonder — how many of you have been equally impacted by the not so perfect, perfect tv daughter?

Make no mistake, I am not Rory Gilmore, I still love the show though.

Food for thought anyway - happy Thursday

C

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What is archiving, or what is an archive?

The Cambridge Dictionary defines an archive as such:

‘to store historical records or documents in an archive.’1

If you ask me, I would tell you:

‘archiving fulfills the soul of the historian. Without archives we would have little to no access to the past. It is vital that archives remain in place, and remain well cared for.’2

But I haven’t really given it a lot of thought — clearly (heh heh).

So, why do I access archives?

1. I am working on an early modern topic for my thesis, meaning the majority of my material is held within various archives in the UK and Ireland. Primarily The Bodleian (Oxford), The National Archives (Kew), and The National Library of Ireland (Dublin).

2. They are fantastic spaces to get lost in the past.

3. They don’t get enough use. I am never taking up a space that someone else could be using, and I do find that concerning. Often times, I find it is me and a handful of other researchers.

I am often asked, ‘do I need special clearance to access an archive?’

No, you don’t. You will need to sign up for a readers card, and then you are free to explore. It really is my version of Jurassic Park.

What is in my bag:

• Water bottle — you can refill this in a train station or retail shops, like Boots!

• Snacks — a whole tonne of these. Personally, I love the Ella Almond Breakfast Bakes and Forest Feast almonds. (Yes, I love almonds)

• Glasses 👓

• Laptop and charger 💻

• Phone charger 🔌

• AirPods 🎧

• Notebook 📒

• Pencils — more than one and no erasers! ✏️

• Hand sanitiser, anti-histamines, necessary medication, eye-drops, lip balm etc. You should never travel without a kit that has your absolute essentials.

• Tote bag — you never know what you’ll end up buying while you are out.

• Last but not least — a book for pleasure (it’s a long journey)

What does my day look like?

1. I live about two hours from my primary archive, the NLI, and so I get the Enterprise from Belfast to Dublin.

   1. I use this time to read, catch up on a bit of admin, or being really honest, I might sleep it.

2. I try to grab a drink and something to eat before I head in for my morning session at 10am. This is so important.

   1. If you don’t know, you can only bring your laptop, charger, a notebook and pencil into the reading room. No water, no snacks.

   2. As someone with a condition which heavily impacts my body’s basic functions — walking, standing, reading — I need to stay hydrated and keep my blood sugars up.

   3. This really applies to anyone going into the archive though. They are such dry spaces — and reasonably so.

3. In the morning sessions, I like to get my larger requests out of the way. I am working from huge volumes which were bound together into 300 plus letters. Searching for what you need is easier when you are wide awake and your brain is at full function.

   1. You can take photos for your own personal use. At the NLI, you will be asked to record what you photograph. This is common and it is so important that you follow the procedures laid out.

4. Lunch — take a proper hour.

   1. Your eyes need time to rest, you need time to eat and rehydrate.

   2. If it is dry enough, go for a walk. Stretch your legs, breathe in some fresh air. You’ll feel much less tired going back in.

5. In the afternoon session, I am looking at smaller volumes if I can. It doesn’t always work out this way.

   1. I find this is when my body starts to reject what I am doing. It is okay to get up and stretch your legs.

   2. Depending on where you are, they will let you run and grab a drink of water, without having to return all the documents and take everything with you. But, read the room.

6. Done for the day!

   1. I do enjoy a walk around Hodges if I am feeling okay, and I will usually get a bite to eat before heading to the train.

You would think it ends there. It doesn’t!

I prepare before I head in by doing the following:

• Create folders on your laptop where you are storing images or notes.

• You should also have your word documents ready to use.

It takes up too much time to do this when you get there. And, you know what you have ordered well in advance. So, it should not be much hassle to do this.

After leaving, usually on the train:

• I like to double check (after doing this in the archive by the way, so this is done twice) that everything is properly filed away.

• Next, I will categorise the material to the specific sections of my thesis that it will fit into.

Top tips:

• Hydrate!

• Eat!

• Be respectful of the material, the space, and most importantly, the staff who are there to help you.

• Bring your glasses (and your eye drops)

• Prepare your laptop/notebook.

And finally, HAVE FUN! Archives are stunning places to discover new information and to educate yourself — while being immersed in the past — it is such a privilege, and such a joy, to be able to access these spaces. So, enjoy yourself.

To be a historian is to engage with primary material, and in doing so, contribute new ideas. You cannot do that without archives.

Hope this helps!

C

(how you’ll find me in the NLI)

The more I thought about it, the more obvious the issue became. The student’s work, was in the same field as this researcher, and was in a similar area. She wasn’t being nasty to her because the work was terrible, she was threatened.

There is a mentality in academia — and you might have experienced this yourself — that everyone is out for themselves. And it is something I am actively trying to combat. I have looked over PhD proposals, edited essays, sat down for coffee with prospective PhDs. I am always going out of my way to help where I can. And the reason I do that, is because I am willing to lift the next cohort up. And that is not boasting — it is the absolute bare minimum that I would expect of any of my colleagues.

We need more people joining the humanities and the research sphere — why are some of you so intent on preventing that?

No two researchers think the same, and your idea for a project might be totally different to someone who is accessing the same material.

The threat is in your own head, and the only person you are truly hurting is yourself. Because your actions do actually mean more than your words. Deciding that you can be the only person to inhabit a certain area of research is damaging your career. No one is going to want to work with you when you are tearing others to shreds for slightly overlapping your work.

You are not reinventing the wheel — you are adding to existing scholarship.

My top tip for anyone thinking of a PhD is to get in touch with those in the department you are applying to. We are always willing to help you however we can. And beyond that, it is just nice to chat to the people you’re going to spend two-three years sharing an office with.

C

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I have been on substack for a while now. Lurking. Reading. Taking it in. Now, I have a sneaking suspicion, the only reason I want to write here, is to procrastinate my academic writing.

Procrastination! She actually said it. Yes, yes I did.

I am calling myself out.

I have a chapter due to my supervisors literally any day now. And, I had a conversation with one of them last week, which went like this:

E: I only ever edit now, I wish I could get back to writing.

Me: Oh, do you enjoy editing though?

E: Yes, I do actually. Although, you’ll see here (shows example) that I am plastering pages in notes, it’s not only students I do this with. There is a tendency for writers to use a passive voice, and I hate that.

Me: Oh…

So now, everytime I open my word document, all I can here is - passive voice, passive voice, passive voice. You’re unknowingly writing in a passive voice.

Complete panic. I can’t write. I am panicking. I know I am panicking. And I know I don’t write in a passive voice, in the same way I don’t use slang, or use ‘don’t’, I know I say ‘do not’. Yet, here I am. Freaking out, procrastinating, and hoping if I use passive voice here — and train myself to only use it here — it won’t appear in my work.

Question: Do you want to know how many drafts I currently have?

Answer: Too many.

Answer to the answer: Procrastination, with a healthy dose of ahhhhhhhhhhh!

Spiralling on the internet does no one any good, but I am sure any academic will relate to this. And, that’s my short thoughts on a Tuesday.

C