Short story collections, and also stories that are short (I’m talking novels <200 pages ish) are beautiful. Give me all of them. Put me in a room with the short stories and a couple hours to spare. I’ll take them all please.

Maybe you are a victim of the age of social media (and let’s be honest, most of us these days are) and your attention span may be shorter than you’d like it.

Instead, maybe you’re just busy. Maybe you can only squeeze in ten or fifteen minutes of reading each day - your bus journey, or even whilst your dinner is in the oven.

Maybe you haven’t read for fun in years.

Maybe you haven’t got the money for a big book right now (please check out your local library!).

Maybe you want to dip your toes into a new genre and test the waters before you commit to 350 pages.

Maybe you just like little things.

All of these are perfectly valid reasons that you may want to read a short story, and I truly implore you to.

Novels can give a whole life, lives even, within a book. Short stories however, are usually just snippets, the flash of a life. It feels like driving past someone on the street, seeing them out the window for a moment before you are gone and they continue with their life. That is what my favourite short stories are.

The short story is a tragically underappreciated art form.

So go and find a short story, maybe a collection of them, and give it a go!

My favourite tip if you don’t know what to pick may be a controversial one: pick a book by the cover! If I can’t decide which book I want, I pick by the cover, and it’s opened me up to some fantastic books. This method has also made me pick some of my best CDs, that I had never previously heard of!

Bonus Feature: some cool short stories I’ve read

Most of the short stories I’ve read have been in collections in books, although there are many you can buy as individual stories, or find online (often for free!). Most of mine are Penguin Archive books, because they are beautiful.

1. October Nights ~ Gérard de Nerval

   This book has October Nights and Sylvie - both felt like just floating through life, very ethereal and feeling almost lost. I’m afraid that I can’t describe it other than that.

2. Secretary ~ Mary Gaitskill

   I bought this on a whim and it did not disappoint! It was a wild ride start to finish!! This book is 4 short stories, each about a different woman, each in very different circumstances, just trying to navigate life. Very cool, slightly harrowing, definitely not for children.

3. Until August ~ Gabriel García Márquez

   I was obsessed with this from start to finish honestly! It’s a story around 130 pages about a woman who travels to an island once a year to see her mothers grave, and spends the night with a new man each year. Such a fun book that I really let myself get pulled into and it was great.

4. The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes ~ Arthur Conan Doyle

   I couldn’t not mention Sherlock really. These got really boring trying to listen/read multiple in a row, but they are so incredible for just dipping into, one a day was perfect. I will never not love Sherlock really so this is a given, but even without bias these are undeniably good stories.

(Special mention to Lupin which I recently got as a birthday present and which I cannot wait to read!)

Please leave short story recs! ♥

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As I pack to move away for uni, I am reflecting on myself. Who have I spent the last seven years at school being?

The answer is probably more different people than I can count. Each memory, I see a different version of myself.

Or are these all just parts of one whole?

I think a more accurate version of myself to see would be the last two years. This is the version of me that I am most proud of, the version of me that has a wonderful group of friends, that has worked hard in school, that is brimming with love.

But I think I still have further to go. I want to squeeze every ounce of self discovery out of myself whilst my prefrontal cortex is still undecided on who I am.

So, as I begin this new chapter of my life, what better time than now to have a ‘new year, new me’ moment?

I think that this dilemma I have with myself has two causes.

The first, is burnout. I have spent the past two years (more like my entire life really) working so incredibly hard; academic achievement has always been everything for me. This summer has been the first time that there was nothing really expected of me, except to just relax guilt-free.

And perhaps, this has been the greatest challenge of all.

After A-Levels, I have forgotten who I used to be before then. All I can do is work until I’m exhausted. Do I really enjoy art or is it just not school work? Do I actually enjoy reading this book or is it just not biology notes?

All summer, these thoughts have been swimming around in my head.

I have had to learn everything all over again. To open my eyes to the real world, the one that exists outside of Quizlet at 11pm and practice papers at 1am.

Spending day after day just doing things out of enjoyment, without guilt, has felt impossible. Trying to understand everything about myself all over again has been confusing and difficult - what time do I actually feel hungry for lunch, what do I enjoy reading, what do I like to learn about.

After two months of vigorous trial and error with my own brain, I think I’m getting there.

I have read and DNF’d books. I have given up on art projects and started new ones. I have had experiences, and then decided that I don’t want to have them again.

At times, this burnout led to hours spent doom-scrolling, even just doing nothing, because it was easier than trying to be myself.

Slowly, but surely, however, I have begun to grow into myself again.

The second reason that I am inclined to reinvent is a slightly more complex one.

In short, I am absolutely, unequivocally, terrified to go to uni.

Part of me is excited - I love to cook, I can’t wait to be able to navigate the world for myself, I think my course will be quite fun.

Another part of me thinks it’ll be for the best if I just stay at home forever and disconnect from society.

My ambiverted self has been becoming more and more introverted. The prospect of going out, meeting new people, joining a club, living with others, terrifies me. It injects stress so deep into my core that I feel sick.

Even if I know that it’'ll all work out in the end, that I’ll enjoy it, I am terrified.

I lie awake at night thinking of all of the things that might happen when I move away. How will I introduce myself to my flatmates, what if I can’t find my lecture hall, how will I make friends with others, what if someone wees in the shared kettle (apparently this is a thing that can happen??).

All completely normal fears, but they are eating me away to the point where I have almost completely convinced myself it’s not even worth going.

For this reason, I know that in order to cope in the months before and arriving at uni, I need to become myself.

I need to be so sure in myself, what I love and what I hate, how I function and what I need, that I do not just melt away from the stress of it all.

And so, I am led to wonder who I am, and who I want to be.

I am of the belief that we can decide who we want to be. We can create routines and habits, we can practice mindfulness and gratitude, we can love the people around us.

Creating/finding yourself starts with recognising core values.

I think about this a lot, so here are some of mine: (these are more vibes for me, so are hard to put into words)

1. love and respect others, but don’t be afraid to protect yourself first (aka, if you can’t love yourself, how in the hell are you gonna love somebody else?)

2. you are the only constant in your life, be happy with your own company

3. have boundaries for behaviour - give people the benefit of the doubt, until they cross that boundary, and then they aren’t worth your time (for me this includes discrimination/bigotry, disrespecting my family, not being a ‘girl’s girl’ etc)

Love, confidence, joy, organisation, personal taste, work ethic, friends, and family. All of this is born from your own core values.

Your core values are what shapes every action that you do, good or bad. If you always act in line with your own values, you will become who you want to become.

So, this is how I plan on getting myself through uni. Because, no matter what friends I have, the classes I take, whatever scary things I have to do, myself is the one constant throughout all of that, and so that is what has to come first.

I think I still have a lot to learn about myself. I don’t think I will ever stop learning .about myself. But isn’t that what life is all about?

Have you ever seen those videos of people asking to do slightly crazy things as ‘rejection therapy’?

That’s how my year has felt.

At the time of publishing, today is A-level results day. Irrespective of how this day is about to unfold for me, the anticipation of today has led me to do lots of reflection in the past weeks. These two years have been long (and yet have flown by) and hard, filled with joys and sorrows, many wins and many losses.

After something bad happens, the usual advice is that it’ll all be okay. Don’t worry. Focus on all the good things in your life. There’ll be other things. It’ll all work itself out. Ten years from now you’ll realise it was for the best.

This is good advice. You should listen to these people.

You should not take these people as gospel.

For all the great things that have happened to me this year, for all of the incredible memories made with friends and family, some really crappy things have happened as well.

Not terrible, but pretty earth shattering, considering the circumstances.

I got lots of well wishes from many people and I am so so grateful for all of that. But the best piece of advice that I received during this time was not that it’ll all be okay, but that it can be shit for now.

Whilst you stand in this room and cry, whilst you process what just happened, whilst you try and find what happens now, it can be shit.

There is a tendency, especially now, in the age of social media, to want to pick yourself up and get on with it. There is a pressure to always show the best version of yourself. Wellness culture online implores us to take a bath, maybe journal a few pages, and then feel better.

For some, this is necessary. Some don’t have the luxury of being able to wallow and process and grieve, they must just keep going.

But giving yourself that breathing space, that time to just be, can feel incredible.

(Actually. It’ll probably feel horrible. But rejection usually does.)

Allowing myself the time to grieve a life that I could’ve lived, a door that has just closed, was the best thing that I’ve let myself do this year.

It has given me clarity, and has allowed my to truly appreciate the blessings life has given me.

I imagine my life at the minute as that I am standing on a white floor surrounded by infinitely many doors. I am in an intermediary time at the minute, waiting until I can walk through a door (results day I’m looking at you).

Some of these doors I can see through, I can see the next few years, even decades in some, stretch out like a path through the door. Some others are far away and hidden.

Rejection feels like one of those doors being slammed shut. The door closest to me, the one shining the brightest, the one that I could see the furthest into, the one I wanted the most, was slammed in my face.

And it feels horrible. It should. It's a sign that you cared, a culmination of all of the hard work, nights spent crying over synthesis pathways, hours spent in the library.

So sit in your sadness. Think about why you’re sad. Think about all the things that feel like they are crashing down around you. Let it be shit.

Grieve that door that has just shut. Reflect on what happened, why it happened, what you might want to learn from that.

And when you’re ready, pick yourself up again. Because you live in a world that is brimming with love that it is ready to share with you. See the things to see, smell those nice little smells, listen to the fab songs. And take other people’s advice - think about all the good things in life, and remember there are other ways.

But carry with you that rejection, take it in your stride, because it is not you, it is just something that happened.

It is a trinket that you carry in your bag next to your keys and your purse. And in time, it’ll get lost between the sofa cushions, and you’ll forget all about it. But it was there, and it changed your life.

Because when it slammed that door in your face, it opened a different one, one that made you forget all about that closed door.

Now, I know that a closed door is a lost opportunity, but that there are infinitely many other opportunities out there, so that one doesn’t matter. I tried my best, and I really wanted it, but it’s okay, because someone else gets to enjoy it. And it doesn’t feel fair, but no one ever said life was fair.

It will get better. Trust me.

Yapping about numbers in some form or another will probably become a theme within this Substack.

In my most insufferable form, I’d say that it’s unavoidable in any publication, because everything in the world is about numbers, and maths.

Today, I want to tell you a little bit about where maths is (subtle foreshadowing: it’s everywhere).

Whilst we can study origins and early forms of mathematics using artefacts and our knowledge of early civilisations, society has never been able to unilaterally agree about the true origins of mathematics – invented or discovered.

The Cambridge English Dictionary defines mathematics as ‘the study of numbers, shapes, and space using reason and usually a special system of symbols and rules for organizing them.’

This alone allows for deeper exploration into the origins of mathematics – our systems of numbers and rules are invented by humans for ease of use, whilst shapes and space are naturally existing in our universe. These contrasting ideas have led to the formation of the two main philosophical divisions in mathematics: Platonism and Formalism.

Philosophical mathematics

Ancient Greek philosopher Plato viewed mathematics as a bridge between physical and ideal worlds. He believed that mathematical entities, such as numbers and geometric shapes, exist as eternal truths and transcend the physical world.

Platonists believe that mathematics, at its core, is a universal truth and constant, due to its abundant presence in the wider world. They believe that a mathematicians’s role is therefore to discover, as they cannot invent maths.

Euclid, an ancient Greek mathematician often regarded as the ‘father of geometry’, believed that mathematics was the basis of the natural world. He famously said that “The laws of nature are but the mathematical thoughts of God”.

This can be interpreted as a belief that mathematics is invented, by a higher power or a God, but ultimately suggests that mathematics exists regardless of human invention, and we discover it through its presence in nature.

During the 19^th-century, however, Platonistic views began losing support, and mathematicians were seeking more ‘logical’ and scientific views of mathematics.

From this, two separate trains of thought regarding mathematical inventions developed: Intuitionism and Formalism.

Intuitionists believe that mathematics is essentially an activity of mental construction, brought about by the ‘ideal’ mathematician.

Born from this, was David Hilbert’s Formalism, an idea not dissimilar to Intuitionism, but instead arguing that numbers can be taken as symbols, and therefore abstract objects rather than mental constructions. This is shown by his view that “Mathematics is a game played according to certain simple rules with meaningless marks on paper”. Formalists believe that numbers are meaningless, abstract symbols that do not exist outside the game of mathematics.

These two fields of belief represent a major argument for the invention of mathematics: a mentalistic view that it does not exist outside of our conscious thoughts and is invented by humans using a series of symbols to help us explain our world.

Mathematical theories over time

Whilst mathematical theories develop and evolve over time, the existence of theories in different parts are history, separate of each other, can provide proof that mathematics is part of our world already and humans are discovering it.

One of the most convincing examples of maths existing separately to human discoveries (and my favourite) is the existence of the Babylonian Plimpton 322 tablet. This tablet is estimated to have been written around 1800 BC and contains a type of trigonometry based on ratios (exciting, I know).

The Babylonians’ base 60 number system, in comparison to our base 10 system, results in this tablet being a much more accurate, and simple, form of the trigonometry that we commonly use today. However, Greek astronomer Hipparchus is often hailed as the ‘father of trigonometry’, despite having died c.120 BC, over 1500 years after this tablet was written.

This tablet therefore works in proving that this area of trigonometry exists in our universe independent to human discoveries, as it has been discovered and synthesised by separate people in vastly different time periods, in completely unalike languages.

And also, I know what you’re thinking, the Babylonians’ cuneiform numerals are insanely cool.

As it is Base 60, the symbol for 60 is the same as 1. The absolute size of a number was pretty much just guessed from context (me, an altruistic banker, giving someone £60 when they only withdrew £1).

Fermat’s Last Theorem must also be examined when considering mathematical discoveries over time.

The theorem, ‘for any integer n>2, the equation aⁿ+bⁿ=cⁿ has no positive integer solutions’, was first written in 1637, scribbled in the margin of Fermat’s copy of Diophantus’ ‘Arithmetica’. However, he did not write any proof, as he wrote that it would not fit into the margin (perhaps this is the strategy I should’ve taken up during A-Levels).

The theorem was consequently taken on by a magnitude of mathematicians, none of which successfully proved it, until Andrew Wiles, who published in 1995 after eight years of effort, and over 300 years after Fermat first wrote it.

The story of this theorem can be used to show that mathematics is found naturally, it is just up to us to discover it and use already discovered truths to prove it. If mathematics truly was invented, then its consistency throughout our universe, over an infinite amount of numbers and possibilities, would not be possible.

Mathematics in nature

Other than in our human lives, there is also a vast existence of mathematical concepts and theories in nature, which can partially disprove the Formalist and Intuitionist viewpoint that mathematics is a human construction.

When we look for mathematics in nature, we are quick to find it.

Take for example, the Fibonacci sequence, a sequence in which each element is the sum of the two elements preceding it. We must only look as far as our gardens, or the supermarket, to find Fibonacci sequences in real life. Sunflower seeds are often arranged in a Fibonacci sequence, as it efficiently ensures as many seeds as possible can be stored in the flower, whilst pineapples often display spiralling patterns related to Fibonacci sequences.

A second example of mathematics in nature, irrespective of human invention, is the increasing discoveries of animals’ abilities to comprehend mathematical concepts and their use of mathematics in their own lives (although perhaps not in textbooks and exams).

One of the most intriguing examples of this is ants, and their use of vector addition as a form of navigation when acquiring food (the crowd goes wild!). Once an ant has found food, it uses vectors created by the path from its nest to the foot to find its way back home. In addition to this, many other animals, including monkeys, bees, and elephants, are able to understand mathematical concepts such as ‘more’ and ‘less’. This existence of mathematics in nature suggests that it is not a human construct and instead occurs naturally in our world.

Conclusion

Ultimately, mathematics as we know it is a formulation of thousands of years’ worth of systems and explanations, designed to make our lives easier, and to explain the world around us.

Language systems and symbols we use for mathematics have evolved over time: from the Babylonians’ cuneiform numerals and Egyptian hieroglyphics to the number systems commonly used now.

However, above this, the fundamental mathematic principles used have remained the same, evolving over time with new discoveries and technological advancements.

Mathematics, in my own view, is therefore a concept of two layers, the abstract, that exists regardless of human structures or explanations, and the invented languages and models that we use to explore and understand these abstract truths.

As a disclaimer: this post was born from an essay I wrote last year for the Minds Underground essay competition, entitled ‘Is Mathematics Invented or Discovered?’.

It is deliberately simplistic, as to delve any deeper into the mathematical and philosophical theory of these ideas would be an overstatement of my own knowledge (which I hope to one day be much larger) and would be hubristic. If you found this interesting, I implore you to do your own research on the surrounding topics, this particular website is very interesting.

In the spring of 2025, I deleted TikTok. Meant as a temporary measure during my mock exams, it felt painful. It also changed my life.

Soon after, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter and Reddit followed. In the final phase of the purge, Snapchat and YouTube have also been deleted.

Now, my screen-time, regularly 5/6 hours previously (three months per year!), is ~2 hours daily, and soon hopefully will be less.

But social media isn’t the only problem. Ever rising costs of steaming platforms, filled with ads - despite subscription fees (*cough cough* Amazon Prime) - has led me to rethink my entire relationship with my phone.

digital FOMO

Before I deleted TikTok, I have to admit, I was scared.

And rightfully so?

All of my friends use TikTok; it was a place to message, share fun videos, get inspiration for art/fashion/lifestyle, and even learn about the news.

But surely people did all these things before social media?

I found myself more and more clinging to an app that I hated because I felt that my life would be less without it - would not hearing a random person’s opinion on a piece of news make my credentials as '‘someone interested in politics’ less worthy?

This piece by Zara McIntosh really highlights this feeling, named by her as ‘digital FOMO’.

This is what made it so hard. But finally, I was sick of TikTok, sick of my brain being filled with hundreds of short videos, spanning hours of every day. So I deleted it.

Even after being free from the grasps of TikTok for months, I found it hard to let go of other apps.

I discovered that when one short form content source goes, another one replaces it. That is why, despite loving the long form content on YouTube, I deleted the app from my phone. I still watch plenty videos on my laptop, but now I do not have the urge to scroll reels for over an hour to ‘relax’. (There is nothing relaxing about YouTube reels, they are overwhelmingly bad most of the time).

My biggest battle was Snapchat. Almost all my time spent on the app was messaging either my friends or my siblings. However, the adverts, the automatic videos shown after stories, and the increasing monetisation, led me to finally purge.

I messaged all my friends to let them know I was deleting the app and to make sure they had my number. I was terrified that none of them would text me anymore, that plans would be made without me because I wasn’t on a group chat or responding to a message.

Thankfully, I have incredible friends, and I have not become shunned from society.

Snapchat was my most recent reminder that social media does not, in fact, have a choke hold on my life.

The curse of infinite scroll

Social media is addictive. And this is not an accident.

Social media companies use infinite scroll and hyper-specific algorithms to keep us hooked and scrolling for hours. They hire psychologists to make sure what they are doing will keep us there.

When using social media, we are the product, not the customer.

Facebook is currently worth over $1.6 trillion. And yet, it is free to use.

Social media companies make their apps addictive not to ruin our lives, but for personal gain. Brands are the customers, fighting for our attention through ads, and buying our data for - you guessed it - even more ads.

And our scrolling, our precious time, is giving them exactly what they want.

I have read and watched countless videos and articles about why social media is harmful and what it does to us, so I do not want to delve into the specifics too far (there are endless articles out there), but I do recommend reading more about the topic. You may find this article interesting, or this one about the creator of the infinite scroll, and why he’s sorry.

How my life has changed, and what happens next

Admittedly, I do still have moments where I ponder downloading social media. If everyone else uses it then it can’t be that bad surely?

Perhaps not.

I’m sure the axolotl on the pink stairs is not the creator of all evil. (In fact, probably the opposite, I love that little dude).

But that’s not the point.

Nothing in my life now feels under pressure to be ‘perfect’ or ‘aesthetic’ enough for an Instagram story. If I want to share a photo or a moment, I can still text a friend. My own perception of how I look has also changed - nothing in my life is about trends, how other people look in comparison to me, or whatever else TikTok feeds us.

It is freeing to not find out what ziplock bag is an ‘Amazon must have’.

It is freeing to not feel emotional whiplash from watching a funny dog, followed by an angry Trump speech, followed by a birthday haul, followed by an old woman falling over, followed by a song about capitalism, followed by AI slop, followed by probably more AI slop.

Most importantly, once I got over my fears of fomo from deleting social media, it has been freeing to not have fomo. I no longer feel the need to go onto TikTok every 10 minutes in case I missed a message and appear rude, I do not need to check Instagram to like every new post. I can just live my life.

Choosing, and curating, the circle of people around me feels so special. My life is not for a few hundred Instagram followers, but is instead carefully shared and experienced with the people who I care about.

Not only is this instantly more special, but it is fantastic. Social media has become about curating the parts of you that you want people to see, what is ‘aesthetic’ and ‘good enough’ for others. Having a carefully curated group allows me to be unapologetically me, and that is the best feeling in the world.

Single Use Devices and Intentional Whimsy

One of my favourite parts of going more analogue is single use devices.

Turning on my phone to put on a song or take a photo can very easily lead to spending half an hour looking at things until I’ve forgotten what I’m doing.

Single use devices not only solve this problem, but also bring a certain level of whimsy that technology does not. Picking a CD, using a camera to take a photo, watching a DVD, are all deeply intentional acts, and are all fun!

Recently, I stopped streaming music. Instead, I use a CD player at home and an mp3 player elsewhere. Not only are these devices insanely cool and beautiful, but they bring so much joy even before I put on any music.

On a streaming service, nothing is yours. If you get rid of your Apple Music subscription, no more midnight David Bowie listening session for you.

Physical media however, is yours forever, and only requires a one time purchase rather than a never ending subscription fee. Owning something instantly brings more freedoms as well - why would you not cover your CD player in stickers or make your mp3 player interface pink?

An individual Spotify plan is £12.99/month. Instead, I can go to a charity shop and get a CD for £1, in some places even 4 for £1.

This has allowed me to: support charity, stop something going to landfill, and curate my music collection. There is something so special about a person’s hand-selected, carefully considered and curated CD/DVD collection.

The act of intentionally picking a CD and placing it into my CD player is exciting, and it’s intentional whimsy at its finest.

It’s going out of your way to do something that is slightly less convenient, but much more exciting and fulfilling.

There truly is no better feeling than lying on the floor with your eyes closed, listening to a new CD at an unsociable volume.

Even using an mp3 player feels leaps and jumps above a music streaming app. Spotify now feels overpowered by adverts, and every single trick in the book to keep us on there as long as possible, from endless algorithm-curated playlists and recommendations to new reel-style videos. My mp3 player was not built to distract me, it was not built to get more money from me, it was built so I could enjoy music.

Being here, now

Have you noticed now, that at every concert, show, and experience, a huge amount of people are using their phones to film?

That’s fine, do whatever you want.

But personally, this isn’t how I want to experience things anymore.

I have definitely been guilty of this in the past, watching things through my phone camera to make sure I get the perfect photos and videos, filling up my camera roll with hundreds of moments captured forever.

But when I think about these experiences, I don’t think about the photos and videos I took. I don’t even look at them really. I just remember. The memories, being with friends and family, the beautiful scenery - that is what I remember.

So whilst I will of course still take photos and videos occasionally (especially with my camera!), I am trying to practice the age old art of living in the moment.

I am not perfect (thankfully) & why numbers don’t matter anymore

I still watch YouTube videos and stream shows on my laptop, I still scroll through Pinterest (although the relentless surge of AI content is making it easier to get off that app), and I’ll even still watch an occasional cheeky Instagram Reel on the web version of Instagram (which is a sufficiently clunky website that I don’t spend too long on there).

I even still log onto Instagram to post the occasional photo dump or story, if not only to share in the moment with my friends for longer.

I cannot, and will not, preach a life without any form of technology or connection.

No time soon will I be swapping the messages app for two cups on a piece of string (although I do think it would be very cool).

However, I have learned that technology completely changes when used intentionally. My phone is a way to reach my friends, a way to find my way around (due to my terrible internal compass), and a way to search up ‘can dogs eat [insert any food]’ for the tenth time a day.

My phone is not (or at least I’m trying for it not to be) a way to relax or a way to escape.

This is why I now place less emphasis on the actual value of my screen time.

First of all, is iPhone screen time actually accurate? Does anyone actually know the answer to this? The mystery grey zone on the screen time chart seemingly refers to whenever your phone thinks that you might be on it doing non-descript activities?

I don’t know. The screen time number is whatever it wants to be.

Second, screen time numbers are less important than the intention behind that time. An hour spent researching an article or a topic of interest (yes, I am aware that this could be done by books, and no, it’s not the same) is very different to an hour doomscrolling TikTok. Similarly, I deem an hour spend on FaceTime an acceptable use of screen time, whereas the same amount of time spent looking at strangers on Instagram is not.

The meaning of ‘useful’ or ‘acceptable’ screen time will be different for everyone, so it is important that we can all have that conversation with ourselves and set our own boundaries.

Where next?

Technology doesn’t seem to be going anywhere for now, for better or for worse (I still haven’t figured out what the AI in my washing machine does). Therefore, I want to find my own equilibrium; a harmonious balance between washing my clothes by hand and having AI wash them for me.

The parts of media and ‘online’ that I still use, I try to make highly curated.

For example, I am an absolute Notion warrior. Every page has colour coding, custom colour fonts, aesthetic widgets, and lots of thought and intention.

I will probably use tech a lot throughout uni as well (if not only to let my shoulder have a rest after carrying the weight of the world in my school bag during sixth form).

The internet can be a wonderful place. It can also be a scary, harmful place.

It’s all about balance.

Reading

My reading journey so far:

In 2025 I read 5 books - 2 fiction and 3 non-fiction. Even within these five, I found two new favourite books and became inspired.

At the end of 2025 I decided that I wanted to finally get ‘back into’ reading, and deliberately make time for it every day.

I joined Fable and began a reading streak.

January got off to a rough start, with 17 days of reading. After that though, thanks to some incredible books, I was completely back; I still missed a couple days of reading (mostly due to a cold that had me lying in bed wiped out for days) but I’ve mostly kept up that promise to myself.

Granted, this looked different every day. During exam season, my reading time was the five minutes between closing Quizlet and turning off my bedroom light before bedtime. Alternatively, this past week has seen me sitting for hours devouring books. Both are perfectly valid approaches in my opinion.

Although I definitely don’t place all of my sights on the numbers when it comes to reading, choosing instead to prefer experience and insights gained, I am really proud of how many books I’ve been able to read this year. After a respectable 5 last year, this year I’ve read 19 books so far!

The number of books isn’t as important to me as I’m a big fan of short stories, so my shortest book read this year was just 48 pages, whereas my current longest book this year was a delightful 1883 pages (more on that later).

To combat this, I’ve been using a tiny notebook I made to document the pages/time of audiobook that each book was.

I’ve loved using this notebook in addition to Fable - I made reading lists, mini personal reviews of books and reading trackers in here.

Some of my favourites this year:

One of my least favourite things to do is give a book a rating out of 5 stars. To me, this means nothing. (I still do it, but I silently chastise myself every time.)

Each book I read gives me something different, and I can always find something I enjoy.

I never feel qualified to be able to rate a book - who am I to say your writing is good? Perhaps I was not the target audience, or perhaps my brain is not insightful, or imaginative enough, to enjoy this book.

I fully appreciate that this is not at all the point of rating books and that I also have no right to tear down a universal rating system on a whim, but this is my Substack not yours.

Anyways, here are some of my favourite reads so far this year. (None of these reviews include plot summaries, do your own research for that)

• Junky ~ William Burroughs

  OBSESSED!! Burroughs’ writing is definitely not for everyone, this book was absolutely insane, but I loved every second of it.

  This book was so different from the types of books I’d usually read, but it introduced me into a whole new style of writing that I discovered I loved.

• The Sign of the Four ~ Arthur Conan Doyle

  I will always love Sherlock as a character, and I am so, so glad that I finally decided to read the books. (I actually listened to this on audiobook, Stephen Fry slayed as usual).

  I loved the way that this book told not only the story of catching the culprit, but also of their own side of the story and their world, it really adds another layer to the characters and allows us to form our own opinions of the crimes committed which I loved.

• I’m Glad My Mom Died ~ Jennette McCurdy

  This book was heartbreaking. I listened to the audiobook, which I think just made it feel all the more real as it was read by McCurdy herself.

  I also read McCurdy’s debut novel Half His Age, which I also absolutely devoured and very much enjoyed.

  Neither book are for the faint of heart (though each for very different reasons)!

• All the Young Dudes ~ MsKingBean89

  Okay okay, I definitely did not expect this to be in this list, least of all as my top read of the year, but it definitely is. Every single word of every single one of the 1883 pages was perfection.

  I could genuinely talk for hours about the work of art that is the Marauders fandom, but the short version is that it is done so well, and this book was fabulous.

  The Harry Potter universe was very much just an outline; this book expanded so much and that is what made it so good - the exploration of the werewolves through a whole host of original characters and storylines was definitely a favourite for me and was so well done.

Listening

Podcasts:

• The Rest is…

  I do indeed love Goalhanger podcasts. The Rest is Politics & The Rest is Money are regular listens, and occasionally I listen to TRiHistory and TRiPolitics US.

  They’re perfect for an overview and some analysis of current events, even if you don’t necessarily agree with what their viewpoints are (listening to others’ views is always such a fascinating way to learn imo).

• Taboo [on/off] the Bus by

  I started listening to this podcast around the start of this year and am trying to make my way through the back catalogue.

  Zara’s analysis and deep dives are so incredible and really really fascinating to me, especially as someone no longer on social media.

  She also has some incredible media recommendations at the beginning of each episode; anything she says I will listen to tbf.

• Help I Sexted My Boss

  No words. Comedy gold.

Music:

Music is a huge part of my life and is very very special to me. (I am very very attached to my CD player and my mp3 player). Almost all of my CDs are second hand, from charity shops, local market stalls, vinted/world of books, and of course my dad.

Most of my listening is 70s/80s, especially glam rock.

Some favourite artists are: David Bowie, Queen, Lou Reed, Iggy Pop, and Ian Dury. A special mention to Hozier as well, definitely not the same vibe or era but very much a favourite!

Watching

Most of my watching consists of YouTube in the background, usually just whatever I’m feeling.

I particularly watch Katie Is Reading as her long vlogs are so relaxing.

In terms of TV shows, I have been obsessively rewatching Private Practice, as well as (still) working my way through watching House.

Currently rewatching the Harry Potter movies, as well as watching the Fantastic Beasts trilogy for the first time (and thoroughly enjoying them!). the Fantastic beasts movies definitely have a different vibe to them, which I’ve found very fascinating and quite enjoyable, although I still think my mam thinks that Newt wrote Harry Potter.

Games

I’m not really sure if this counts as media, but I’ve been really trying to get through the Professor Layton games on my DSi. I played Lost Future when I was younger, and now I’m trying to play Curious Village, although some of these puzzles have me questioning the value of my four STEM A-Levels, and some have me screaming repeatedly into a pillow.

I’m not actually much of a games person, but I do enjoy a good wordsearch!

I also bought Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix on DSi, although I’m finding this also very difficult to navigate (perhaps I’m the problem?).

I get the whole staircase thing, but having to go up and down them every time I need to go somewhere is such a pain, and makes me slightly glad I never went to Hogwarts because I was late enough to lessons as it was, never mind with a hundred moving staircases!

Wrap Up

All in all, this has been a really good year in terms of media. I’ve loved reading more and am feeling much more comfortable exploring different genres and styles of writing (might even take the leap into some poetry?).

I’ll be talking more about my relationship with media in my next post about unplugging and getting offline, but for now, just know that I’m doing my best to enjoy everything that can be enjoyed.

Please let me know your own recommendations for media!

A history of Polari

Polari is an example of an anti-language - used interchangeably with terms such as cant and argot, this refers to a specialised language or slang used by a particular group of people.

Originating from the Italian palare meaning ‘to talk’, Polari can be traced back to the 19^th century, though it peaked around 1920s-1960s. Its derivations from Italian, French, Lingua Franca, rhyming-slang, back-slang, Yiddish and Romani, amongst others, reflect its rich history and usage.

Since at least the 17^th century, Parlyaree, a similar argot, had been spoken in markets and fairgrounds across England and Scotland. The second half of the 19^th century saw Polari evolve as a form of communication in London fish markets, theatres, fairgrounds, and circuses.

At the time, homosexuality was illegal, and so Polari spread amongst gay men (as many worked in the theatre industry) to disguise themselves from the police and hostile outsiders. It was also popular in the navy, as many gay men worked in the British Merchant Navy (they were known as ‘sea queens’) as waiters, entertainers and stewards.

Dropping Polari into a conversation was a way for gay people to identify each other, as shown in this fabulosa short film:

Polari in the media

Round the Horne (1965-1968) was a BBC Radio programme that ran on a Sunday afternoon as a family show, and had 15 million regular listeners. It is thought of as one of the best ever BBC radio shows.

One of the most popular Round the Horne segments was ‘Julian and Sandy’ (played by Hugh Paddick and Kenneth Williams). Julian and Sandy were a pair of camp, out-of-work actors, who encountered Mr Horne each week whilst working a new job.

The pair regularly spoke in Polari, with Mr Horne often being the butt of the joke as the ‘straight man’ in the sketch. Although most of the audience didn’t understand the Polari (which allowed for many rude and sexual double, or even triple, entendres to be added in), the sketch was one of the most successful segments of the show and Julian and Sandy became a beloved pair.

These sketches cast Polari into the public eye for the first time, and it is thought they contributed to the public acceptance of homosexuality, eventually leading to its decriminalisation in 1967.

More recently, Polari has seen an increase in appreciation as people begin to reflect on queer history. Paul Baker is a linguist at Lancaster University and completed a PhD about Polari, as well as writing a book entitled ‘Fabulosa!’ on the history of Polari, complete with a companion website.

Polari has also been included in various songs. The fifth track on David Bowie’s final album ‘Blackstar’, ‘Girl Loves Me’, is written with both Nadsat (the fictional argot used in ‘A Clockwork Orange’) and Polari.

Morrissey released the compilation album ‘Bona Drag’ in 1990. The first track is titled ‘Piccadilly Palare’ and references Polari whilst discussing the ‘meat rack’, an area of Piccadilly Circus that was famous for male prostitution.

Also, English musician Olly Alexander released an album titled Polari in 2025.

The decline of Polari use

In 1967, homosexuality was (mostly) legalised in England and Wales by the Sexual Offences Act 1967. Because of this, Polari use quickly decreased, as the level of secrecy it provided was no longer needed.

Also, Round the Horne’s popularity drew Polari into the public eye. As a result, Polari essentially became an open secret, and subsequently, gay men were more apprehensive to use it.

After the decriminalisation, many younger gay men deliberately avoided Polari - it symbolised an old-fashioned, oppressed time in queer history, and it was viewed as perpetuating harmful, overly camp steryotypes.

A mini guide to Polari

“The language itself, full of camp, irony, innuendo and sarcasm, also helped its speakers to form a resilient worldview in the face of arrest, blackmail and physical violence.” - Paul Baker

A common practice in Polari was ‘she-ing’, switching pronouns and names to female forms. Polari speakers would christen themselves/each other with camp names, such as Scotch Flo or Diamond Lil. An older gay man would be know as mother, for example ‘your mother’s gagging for a vogue ducky!’.

Some Polari words are examples of backslang, such as riah for hair and ecaf for face.

Polari is also derived from Cockney Rhyming Slang. For example, ‘plates of meat’ rhymes with ‘feet’, so feet can be referred to as plates.

Various names were used for the police, as a way to deliberate mock them and also to stay secretive - eg. Lilly Law, Jennifer Justice, Betty Bracelets.

Many Polari words were also extensions of other words - eg. lattie is a house, so a car is a lattie on wheels.

Polari was often used to talk about others in private, so many of the words refer to people and their appearances.

Some Polari words are still used today: naff - bad/boring, zhoosh/jush - smarten up/adjust, camp - effeminate/flamboyant/exaggerated

Conclusion

I hope that Polari never has to be used again as it was in the 20th century. However, I still think it is so important that we do not allow it to become lost in history, and so I am glad that it has recently been talked about more online and in mainstream culture. What the LGBTQ+ community has suffered, and still does in many parts of the world today, was appalling and should never be underestimated or forgotten, and the history of Polari reminds us of such.

Sources and Further Reading:

Polari Dictionary

Listen to Round the Horne

Polari: The Lost Language of Gay Men - this is my personal favourite guide to Polari & is very straight-forward

The secret “anti-languages” you’re not supposed to know

Polari: the lost-and-found language of gay men

The History of Polari: A Bona Tour of London

Polari and the Hidden History of Gay Seafarers

The Bible, but in Polari (featuring my favourite line: ‘And Gloria cackled, Let there be sparkle: and there was sparkle.’) - this also includes a very comprehensive Polari glossary at the end