This time the signals were horrendously disrupted sleep (until last week I hadn’t slept through the night in months), my back feeling like — in the words of my kids — “a wall of rocks,” and an emotional state best described as burnt out, exhausted, and gutted.

Indeed, the body keeps score.

I tried leaning into all of my tiny actions to cope. I’ve shared about some of them here. But they weren’t enough to contend with the bigger forces at play. So I recently disrupted things in a significant and necessary way and the past week has felt like hitting a reset button on my life. Here are 7 things that have helped me reground and recalibrate.

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1. In-person connection time

I feel like this was part intention and part serendipity: in-person connection time has been tremendous in helping me reset. On Wednesday I went downtown for lunch to catch up with my friend Laura, who I first met through my blogging days. On Thursday night Jon and I marked my transition over takeout with our dear friends Sarah and Fernando. On Friday night I celebrated my friend Morra’s 50th birthday and met an incredible group of women. And over the weekend, we spent time with our beloved family friends Anne, Michael, and Olivia in Maine.

I never have this much socializing stacked up in such a short window. I think the universe handed me a real gift.

2. Creating with joy not stress

I’m in an unusual stretch where I am making four birthday cakes in four weeks (I will share more about this soon). The first two cakes were made with care in the sense that I wanted them to taste great and look beautiful, but the actual act of making the cakes was stressful because of my schedule. My preparation of cake #3 (for Morra’s birthday party on Friday) was symbolic in that it happened on Thursday, which was a major transition point for me.

Several weeks ago as I planned the cake design, I knew exactly what I wanted to execute — hand piped flowers inspired by Morra’s incredible garden — but I was stressed about how I was going to get it done given my time constraints, plus the fact that I have never hand piped flowers before and color mixing is intimidating. That said, once I get a vision for something, it’s tough for me to revert so I figured I would work it out. As it turned out, because of my transition point on Thursday, I finally had spaciousness back in my calendar. I was able to create this cake with pure joy. It was meditative.

Obviously, creating with joy is so much better than creating with stress! I’m so excited to make cake #4 — a challenge that I was getting close to not doing when my life was a dumpster fire — this coming weekend.

3. Tuning in to the senses

At Morra’s birthday party I experienced a sound bath for the first time. As a former auditory perception academic, I couldn’t stop my brain from thinking about things like timbre, consonance, dissonance, and amplitude, but I also was able to let the sounds wash over me and experience the very cool feeling of melting into the ground.

The experience felt like a symbolic moment of energy release. Afterwards, the practitioner invited us to choose a reflection card. Mine read, “Remember who you are,” followed by the quote, “The truth is that you are already what you are seeking.” Fitting.

4. Soaking in vast views

Given how hard things have been, I have not had much of a summer. To quantify that: I have not had more than 36 hours away from work on a weekday. Actually, it’s worse: I haven’t had more than 36 hours away from work all year. OMG UGH.

I don’t like to sit in regrets, but I am regretful that I was so unavailable to my kids this summer. Their fun came of their own making or thanks to the generosity of family friends. It makes me weepy just thinking about this. My family has been a loving and caring anchor through everything and it felt like a restorative moment to take in this vast view with my family and dear friends. Thank you, ocean.

5. Prioritizing physical care

Over the weekend, as I was thinking about how I wanted to kick off what I’m considering week #1 of a new way forward, I knew that a must was physical care. Among various ailments, I really need my back to not be a wall of rocks. My lower back has been a source of agony for many months. I’m working on some nutritional recalibration and also returned to barre3 (online) yesterday, with a plan to incorporate strength practices on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, and flexibility practices on Tuesday and Thursday. I’m just doing 20-30 minutes in the morning after Jon and I walk James, but this amount of time felt impossible in my prior state.

I kicked this off yesterday with strength and today with flexibility in the Zen den and even though these early stages represent painful unwinding, it feels really good to be tending to my body.

6. Redoing my block schedule

I have redone my previously booked-to-the-minute-from-6am-to-6pm block schedule with fresh colors, new labels, and actual room to breathe.

7. Starting the week with generosity

I intentionally started my work day yesterday not with an action in service of my own work, but with a mentorship offer to a young person. I hope they take me up on it.

I have experienced plenty of hard stretches in life, but this one was brutal in so many ways. That said, this stretch of time wasn’t absent of good things, and I have been reflecting on those things privately as well. If you’re in a tough stretch, I see you and am sending wishes for spaciousness and relief soon.

Remember who you are.

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Back in 2018 we did something that felt super adult: When Laurel and Violet moved up to the loft level in our home, we reclaimed the bedroom they used to share and created what I referred to as the Zen den. Following the guidance of my genius design friend Paige Lewin, we repainted the mint colored walls white, with one gorgeous yellow accent wall. It was a pristine space including only a bed, nightstand, reading chair, and TV. We bought curtains and an area rug that made the space feel textured and cozy. Since no one occupied this room full time, it never accumulated clutter. Instead, it was a peaceful, relaxing space to hang out, watch a movie, read, or do yoga. Here’s a picture of then 7-year-old Violet helping to paint the accent wall. Great job, kiddo!

And then in 2020 when the pandemic hit, and the reality that it was going to be a long haul set in, it quickly became clear that the girls needed separate spaces — not only because their sleep patterns were growing farther apart, but for remote school purposes.

Goodbye Zen den. Violet moved into this space and Laurel stayed in the loft.

It’s now 2026 and we’re at a very different transition point. This summer Laurel did an unbelievable job cleaning out her side of the loft in advance of her departure for medical school. As a little kid she used to be deeply attached to material items, but that has changed. This is partly due to her embracing a life with less stuff, and partly due to the reality that she is on to a new and exciting phase of life. The old posters and tchotchkes of her youth were most definitely a thing of the past. It was pretty cool to see her appreciate then say goodbye to these things.

And so here we are, recreating the Zen den in the loft! I don’t have the time or energy to paint, and we’re still working on getting a few final things out of there, but here are the upgrades we’re making.

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Swapped out particle board for solid wood

One of our first orders of business was creating a new sleep space — calm, cozy, solid. We replaced Laurel’s old IKEA bed with this Harlow Solid Wood Platform Bed. It feels good to swap out particle board for solid wood. Jon assembled this bed frame quickly.

Opted for a natural/organic mattress + bedding

One of the things that has been on my mind since interviewing sleep scientist Dr. Natalie Dautovich is how important it is to create optimal conditions for sleep. We talked about the importance of light and temperature as well as bedding. I believe I referenced in that conversation that it was high time to replace my cheap pillow that I need to squish and fold in different configurations depending on whether I’m sleeping on my back or side.

As it turns out, the mattress and bedding company Helix reached out to me a while back to test their products. It wasn’t the right timing then, but when we started this project I reached out to see if they still might want to work together. They are generously helping us set up this new sleeping space with their Birch Luxe Natural Mattress, Birch Organic Pillows, Birch Organic Cotton Sheets, and Birch Organic Cotton Pillowcase Set.

Helix offers a number of different options depending on your sleep needs (there’s a quick quiz you can take to narrow the options). Their Midnight Luxe mattress is a bestseller with amazing reviews, and it’s awesome that they also offer a water-repellent kids mattress with a flippable design that adjusts for growing kids (so smart!). The Birch line appealed to me since it’s made with responsibly sourced natural and organic materials. So far the pillows have arrived and if you have, like me, been sleeping on cheap pillows that you need to fold into different shapes for comfort (good grief!), replacing your pillow with the Birch Organic Pillow would be a great start. You will rack up your dollars per use quickly! (And Helix has a Labor Day sale running right now.)

Covered tired wall-to-wall carpeting with an area rug

The loft space has wall-to-wall carpeting and let’s just say that after all of these years there are spots that are tired and resistant to stain removal, and the idea of ripping it all out is more than I can deal with right now. The former Zen den also has wall to wall carpet and the thin patterned area rug we added to hide the tired rug also made the space feel more cozy. I took a similar approach with the (washable!) Tumble Amara rug, which I learned about through my podcast. It’s nice and thin so it’s perfect for this purpose, but also comes with an interlocking rug pad if you’re using it directly on hardwood. Since the loft is neutral in color, I went with the blue/ivory to warm up the space — so pretty! (You can see a bit of the new bed frame in this picture.)

We’ll be making some other additions (e.g., side table, lamp, plants) as we go, and I cannot wait to see this space come together!

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The less sexy but super functional place where I have recently made a couple of important additions is my office. I spend a lot of waking hours in this space and yet I am terrible about improving it. Thanks to nudges from Jon, I have done two things:

Got a (spike-free) glass office chair mat

During the winter Jon ordered a bigger rug for my office to help warm up the space (it is above the garage so it is a freaking ice box in cold weather). I have been gingerly getting in and out of my rolling office chair ever since, trying not to ruin the rug. I finally ordered a tempered glass mat to go under my chair and OMG what a game changer — I can actually get in and out of my chair and move around while in it! One thing I learned while I was looking at options is that you need to look out for mats with spikes and grips. Spikes and grips are designed to hold the mat in place but will defeat the purpose of not ruining your rug. My glass mat shifts around a little, but the legs of my desk offer a natural shift barrier.

Upgraded my mouse and keyboard

When I last upgraded my laptop a couple of years ago I was faced with the problem that laptops are killing off USB ports. At that point I needed three ports (for my external camera, podcast microphone, and USB mouse/keyboard) and I couldn’t find a laptop with more than two ports. This is mostly fine except when I’m recording my podcast (which requires my USB camera and microphone) and I need to unplug my mouse/keyboard and arrange my laptop at an awkward angle so I can access my episode notes while I talking to a guest. Ridiculous. Jon ordered and set up this Logitech bluetooth mouse and keyboard for me and I felt like a newly liberated human being able to record yesterday without my previous ridiculous setup!

It’s felt really good to finally make some changes around here! Have you upgraded anything in your home or office lately? What’s had the biggest payoff?

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In the past month, I have purchased two massive bags of “day old picked” zucchini for $5 at a beloved farm stand. I thought it would be fun to share some recipes — 5 I have tried and loved, and 2 I am planning on trying — in case you also find yourself with home grown or purchased abundance.

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1. Classic zucchini bread

This zucchini bread is my tried and true recipe (annotated from Baking Illustrated). One loaf includes a whopping pound of zucchini. I always double this recipe so I have a second loaf to share or freeze. In a post on batch prepping over at , I shared that with my latest zucchini haul I prepped 6 loaves worth (I made one double batch immediately and froze the rest).

2. Olive oil zucchini bread

When I was searching the New York Times food app for zucchini recipes, this olive oil zucchini bread was among the top rated. It is very tasty! It doesn’t use as much zucchini as my classic loaf but is lovely with the warm spices, brown sugar, and olive oil. Unfortunately I don’t have a picture of this one but I have already made the recipe twice.

3. Zucchini pancakes

My family loves this zucchini pancake recipe. One batch uses one pound of zucchini. When I got my last $5 pound bulk bag I prepped and froze a half dozen containers of processed and drained zucchini, and saved a seventh batch to make the next day. They are also delicious cold — if you have any left!

4. Scarpaccia

On Sunday I made scarpaccia for the first time, because what’s not to love about zucchini in crispy form? I had some regrets about giving my mandolin away a few years back on my Everything is Free city page, but the result was worth it. The only issue I ran into is that for the last baking step, the stainless steel cooling rack I have is huge and it did not fit in my oven. I simply flipped the scarpaccia over and put it back in the oven on its original parchment and it worked great. We enjoyed this tart with dollops of sour cream and drizzles of Trader Joe’s chili garlic sauce.

5. Chocolate zucchini cake

If you want zucchini in dessert form, look no further than King Arthur’s chocolate zucchini cake. This recipe is the opposite of the kale brownies I once made where everyone took a few tepid, polite bites and then the brownies sat around for weeks. I first made this cake for my mom’s birthday a couple of years ago. Since traditional Koreans are not into super sweet desserts it felt like a good solution to make a cake that was light on frosting and also had vegetables in it. My mom loved it and even asked to take some home. The recipe is fast (a single 9” x 13” layer) and it is delicious. The cake has a lovely richness and depth and the frosting on the top (if you choose to use it) adds a little sweet but not overly so because it’s just a ganache of semisweet chocolate chips and half and half.

6. Zucchini fries

I love French fries (the regular ones) and when I saw this zucchini fries recipe described as actually crispy — in both the recipe itself and user comments — I was like, OK, gauntlet thrown. One of the most time consuming parts of processing zucchini is draining out the water (and squeezing out if grated) so the idea that it might be sufficient to just lay zucchini on paper towels is too appealing. I was going to try this recipe last night so I could report back for this post, but I didn’t get to it. I’m hoping to make them tonight!

7. Crispy zucchini and corn fritters

I know I already have a great pancake recipe in my arsenal (#3 above) but since this is also the season of farmstand corn and basil I’m planning on trying this crispy zucchini and corn fritters recipe. Arguably, it is also different in that it uses parmesan instead of feta. And I like that this recipe has skillet, air fryer, and oven options.

Are you making anything delicious with your zucchini haul? I would love your recipe recommendations because I imagine another $5 mega bag is in my future!

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And so, here I am! I figure I’m not that far off the middle of the year and it’s more useful to share book recommendations this way so people have a written list. I decided to share everything I have read this year in sequential order with brief blurbs for my favorites. I also plan on doing an end of year book recap.

I was initially surprised when I realized that I loved 12 of the 24 books I have read so far. That said, for those who don’t know about my reading practice, if a book doesn’t grab me in the opening pages, I am fine giving up on it (no matter how many accolades it has) because I believe that life is too short to struggle through books you’re not enjoying, or that you feel like you “should” be reading. So, this list of 24 books already passed my initial threshold. Meaning, consider them all even if not starred!

I would love to hear about your latest favorite reads in the comments, or reactions to anything on this list. Let’s go!

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1. ⭐Thrown for a Loop by . I read this book during the US Figure Skating Championships in January, so I was pretty much living my best figure skating fan life. This is a fun contemporary romance following a former Olympic silver medalist named Zoe, who gets a gig as a hockey skating coach in New York, where her teen ex Chase is a hockey star. The book alternates between present day and 9.5 years back, where their romance unfolds then is torpedoed. I was delighted to pick up this book every spare moment I had.

2. A Guardian and a Thief by Megha Majumdar

3. Atmosphere by Taylor Jenkins Reid

4. Heartwood by Amity Gaige

5. ⭐Good People by Patmeena Sabit. This one had me in the feels. It’s the story of an immigrant family who scrapped it out and became prosperous. When tragedy strikes, the eldest daughter Zorah is the catalyst for ruthless, relentless public judgment. The book is structured as a series of interview outputs, building awareness of the characters, the differing perspectives on the same situation, and the gradual unfolding of what happened. It was at times a painfully familiar read from a racism standpoint, but I devoured this book and respect that I was expecting the story to unfold in a particular way and it didn’t. All the applause for this author.

6. The Names by Florence Knapp

7. Call Me Ishmaelle by Xiaolu Guo

8. ⭐Weyward by Emilia Hart. Weyward alternates between the stories of Altha (an alleged witch on trial in the 1600s), Violet (a woman trying to find answers about her deceased mother amidst the background of World War II), and Kate (a present day woman who escapes an abusive relationship and flees to Weyward Cottage, which was bequeathed to her by her great-aunt). This book was infuriating at turns given various female characters being wronged by men, but also is full of witchy magic, animal connections, and examples of women’s empowerment and friendship. I couldn’t put this one down because discovering how the stories wove together was so compelling.

9. ⭐Little One by Olivia Muenter. I wasn’t sure I was mentally prepared to read a cult-driven story, but I’m really glad I gave this a try. It was a great read, crafted in a more subtle way. The book chapters alternate between present day (“Now”) and cult days (“Then”) to tell Catharine’s story. I appreciated that it wasn’t a flat out salacious cult depiction but one of more gradual unfolding. This wasn’t a “fun” read per se, but the story was so compelling and I read it in a weekend. I did not see the end coming and indeed, it is one of bravery and resilience.

10. ⭐The Night We Met by Abby Jimenez. This book was a treat! Abby Jimenez has an amazing ability to get you invested in characters quickly and I was rooting for Larissa and Chris right from the start. Larissa is a woman who is smart and constantly hustling but can’t get out of debt due to familial bad behavior. After a concert, she gets to choose a ride home with either Mike or Chris and goes with charismatic Mike. But as Mike’s own complicated history and behavior unfolds, and Chris and Larissa’s worlds overlap and it becomes clear how well matched they are, things get complicated. I loved this book and tore through it.

11. ⭐Keeper of Lost Children by Sadeqa Johnson. This historical fiction pick follows three story lines (Ethel Gathers, the wife of an American officer, who is living in occupied Germany; Ozzie Phillips who enlists in the army, which is desegregated during his deployment; and Sophia Clark, a teenager trying to rise above the poverty of her upbringing) across a couple of decades, from the late 1940s to mid 1960s. The story offers a window into a period of history in which mixed-race children resulting from relationships between white German women and Black American GIs were orphaned. It gave me a window into the complexity of wartime relationships, and left me with moments of equal measure where I was filled with rage over human cruelty and deeply moved by kindness and compassion. I devoured it in a weekend.

12. ⭐Lady Tremaine by Rachel Hochhauser. I wasn’t sure I wanted to read a Cinderella type story but I’m glad I did. Lady Tremaine turns the Cinderella story on its head in fine feminist fashion. The story centers on Ethel, a woman who marries for love, is tragically widowed with two young children, then marries again (strategically and swiftly) to spare her daughters one path and hopefully secure a different one. But then her second husband dies and things get complicated. It’s a story of striving for convention and letting go, of a mother’s fierce love, and of women finding strength in struggle together. The story also involves an important thread related to the lessons that animals can teach, thanks to Lucy, a peregrine falcon. I loved this book and devoured it in a weekend.

13. The Heir Apparent by Rebecca Armitage

14. The Golden Boy by Patricia Finn

15. ⭐Heated Rivalry by Rachel Reid. I don’t have whatever platform is needed to watch Heated Rivalry but I read the book and absolutely loved it. It’s a hockey romance set up in the classic Boston-Montreal hockey rivalry but with fictional names. Shane is Canadian and plays for Montreal. Ilya is from Russia and plays for Boston. They are rivals with a spark and it’s written boldly and with heart. It’s about the romance, yes, but it’s also about complicated family dynamics, what love and acceptance look like, and how people can surprise us in good ways. I loved this one and blasted through it in a couple of days!

16. ⭐Cleo Dang Would Rather Be Dead by Mai Nguyen. This story opens with a tough scene: Cleo is a grieving mother, putting her newborn, Daisy, to rest in a tiny casket. After being put on leave from her job, Cleo sees a flyer for a job posting at the funeral home where her daughter’s service was and ends up being taken under the wing of the funeral home owner Kenneth, and into the full arms of the staff. This book was moving on so many levels and was a testament to the power of writing to heal, and how humans have the capacity to hold grief and joy. I loved this book. It is definitely among my favorites of the year for taking on this challenging subject matter with realism, grace, and compassion. I devoured it in a weekend.

17. Hamnet by Maggie O’Farrell

18. One & Only by Maureen Goo

19. The Plans I Have for You by Lai Sanders

20. Boring Asian Female by Canwen Xu

21. The First Time I Saw Him by Laura Dave

22. ⭐What Remains of You by Kimberly Hensle Lowrance. If you’re in the mood for a domestic thriller, this one is great. Sometimes I feel like thrillers get too complicated and become hard to follow (I actually felt that way about #21 above). This book keeps an excellent pace with good character development while also planting enough questions marks to keep you wondering while not getting confused. I devoured it in a weekend.

23. ⭐The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo by Taylor Jenkins Reid. I’m late to the Seven Husbands party since this book was written in 2018, but it was recently recommended to me by several sources at the same time so I decided to get caught up. The story focuses on movie star Evelyn Hugo, who is ready to pull back the curtain on her career and seven husbands, but she wants a specific (junior) reporter to tell the story. This was a page turner and really fun read, and an excellent example of how there’s so much more below the surface for people.

24. ⭐Pack Up the Moon by Kristan Higgans. In my big library stack (see photo below) I did a quick scan of several books then decided to try this one first since I was in the mood for something contemporary. I’m so glad I did! This book follows a widower (Josh Park) whose wife dies of a terminal illness a few years into their marriage. He finds solace in the letters Lauren wrote to be delivered to him after her death; one per month for a year, each directing him towards a specific action. I found myself teary at so many moments and outright crying in one of the chapters towards the end. It’s a beautiful telling of love, grief, and the act of finding oneself again when your world has completely shifted off axis. Added bonus: there are a couple of wonderful Korean characters, which I wasn’t expecting.

I hope you pick up a book today; it’s good for the soul. And if you’re not already aware of the beauty of large print, welcome to my world! Whenever possible I request large print. Not only is it easier on my eyes, but the wait times are usually shorter!

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I remember, during the run-up to leaving for college, a distinct feeling of why isn’t my mom reacting to this more? I was, admittedly, a little attention-starved in general, and also in an age-appropriate state of self-absorption. Fifty-two-year-old Christine would point out: she had already sent five other kids off to college. This was no big deal. She had a lot of other important crap on her mind.

The only prep I remember was an emotionless run to TJ Maxx for a comforter. Then, on the sidewalk at Wheaton College, saying goodbye, my mom suddenly burst into tears, dove into the trunk of her car, and handed me a giant jug of laundry detergent.

Oh, okay. She had been thinking of me after all. And her loving instinct was to help me keep my clothes clean.

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That memory came back to me last week, in the final stretch before Laurel’s departure for medical school. When people find out she’s on track to become a doctor, the response is usually some version of, “oh my god, you must be so proud — a doctor!“ I am proud of what she’s put into getting to this point. And what’s filling me with pride right now is that I am not even a little bit worried about her finding her feet in a new city. She thrived in college. She navigated two years of apartment living and full on adulting in the Bronx. She’s savvy on public transit, loves to cook, crushes meal prep, makes friends easily, and is resourceful as hell.

I would be proud of her no matter what she’d chosen to do, because she’s figured out how to be a kind, thoughtful, and hard-working person.

That’s a lot.

So circling back to the laundry jug: my version of it was food.

I have a thing about food sitting out too long. This is not a personality quirk, it’s trauma. When I was 42 weeks pregnant with Laurel, I got a horrendous case of food poisoning from pasta salad that sat out too long at a Labor Day BBQ. It led to aggressive barfing, an intense fever, fetal distress, and an emergency C-section. So yes, I went down a rabbit hole researching lunch totes for Laurel’s med school locker. (Apparently people just help themselves out of the community fridge, which, no. Absolutely not.)

Then I went into snack preparation mode. I claimed one grocery tote’s worth of space in the packing plan and spent last week preparing to send Laurel off with her favorites:

• Two big jars of mixed nuts: mixed by hand from big individual Costco bags because hello, savings, and also then you can include the best nuts, no filler nuts

• A double batch of coconut peanut butter energy balls: the recipe I use is no longer online, but this one comes close

• A batch of Shalane Flanagan’s superhero muffins: a dozen muffins, packed for easy freezing plus the dry ingredients for two more batches she can make in her new apartment

• A batch of homemade granola: packed into two quart containers

• A double batch of King Arthur’s no-bake chocolate and date energy bars: instead of bars, I cut them into small bite-sized squares for easy snacking

• A giant bag of chia seeds and the Trader Joe’s chocolate almond bark she loves

It felt both vaguely unhinged and deeply comforting. I know she’ll enjoy every bit of it.

I’ve been a bit of a disaster these days given some other life circumstances, if I’m being honest. But I made the space for this. And I think my mom would recognize exactly what I was doing, because it’s the same thing she was doing, sobbing over a jug of Tide in a parking lot 35 years ago. We can’t walk our kids into a new life. So we hand them what we can carry: something to keep them clean, something to keep them fed, and the unspoken message underneath both: I’ve been thinking about you the whole time.

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For a 2024 Boston Globe Magazine essay I wrote about ageism in the workplace, I had the delight of reconnecting with neuroscientist Dan Levitin, author of Successful Aging: A Neuroscientist Explores the Power and Potential of Our Lives. I first met Dan while working on my Ph.D. at Queen’s University, and it was a little surreal to reconnect some 20 years later through a completely different lane. That said, he’s a very cool human being, and we got right to candor — talking about our potential crossed advisor/advisee paths and more.

I’ve been thinking, yet again, about something Dan told me: “The best way to combat ageism is to socialize with people of all age groups. Many myths and biases fall away when we find common ground.”

Why was I thinking about this comment? Last week I had dinner with a high school friend and the 84-year-old father of another high school classmate. It was the most delightful thing.

Some context first: the Boston suburb where I grew up, Belmont, was not an easy place to live, especially as one of few families of color in a somewhat notorious household. I also experienced racism early, whether at the hands of strangers (teenagers who hurled soda cans at my mom and me while we were out for a walk) or from those who should have created a safe space for me (a first-grade teacher who made fun of my Korean middle name at circle time, and kept it up all year). It’s part of why, despite the incredible friends and wonderful mentors I found there, Belmont remains a complicated place in my mind.

Here’s what stuck with me from this dinner.

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Good humans beget good humans

My high school friend who reached out about dinner lives across the country. When she’s in town, she often stays with the family of a high school classmate. So the invite was, “Come have dinner with me and the dad of this family — there might be other people floating in and out.” Odd as that sounds on paper, I figured good humans beget good humans. That turned out to be exactly right.

Cross-generational connection matters

I felt Dan’s comment deeply that evening. It was wonderful getting to know the 84-year-old dad who welcomed me to dinner, as well as a fresh college graduate living in the house for the summer while she explores Boston job prospects. It turns out this family has a long history of opening their home to others — from the fifty-some international college students they made sure got a safe start at local colleges, to young adults like the one I met last week, who are finding their way.

Entertaining can be easier — and still incredibly caring

I love entertaining, and I’ll admit I’m a lot when I do it. I love making things beautiful, and I sometimes make them complicated — which can be great, and also not. That evening, everything just felt easier. Instead of a giant appetizer board, there was a small plate of high-quality cheese, bluefish, and crackers. Instead of an elaborate spread with a set table, there was a line of vessels holding a delicious array of Indian dishes — grab a plate and a fork, and serve yourself. It was an eye-opening model of ease that never once sacrificed care.

Feeling the heart of a different family system is an honor

Whether through the stories being told, the photos covering the walls, or the privilege of paging through a professionally bound book of letters and photos made after the death of the 84-year-old’s wife, I could feel the heart of this family deeply — even on my first visit. It was deeply moving.

Curiosity is everything

I had more than one moment of awe talking to my new 84-year-old BFF, including hearing about his role in Belmont’s intergenerational Miyawaki Forest project. Both Dan Levitin and Debra Whitman, in a recent podcast episode, talked about the importance of staying curious and open to new experiences. Dan’s point was that stretching past your comfort zone and trying new things builds cognitive reserve and neural plasticity. (On that note, if you haven’t heard this episode on the power of curiosity — with my mom, Rachel Koh — it’s a delight.)

It’s worth re-examining our own narratives

Looping back to Belmont: this simple, relaxed dinner felt like a small dose of healing. Coincidentally, I recorded a podcast episode with Kristina Flynn on editing our inner narratives that same day. One narrative I’ve always wrestled with — and yes, felt some bitterness about — is growing up with so little with so much privilege around me. But that night reframed something for me. Privilege was also what let this family create safe landings for dozens of college students, install a 3,000-square-foot native forest to strengthen local ecosystems, and open their table to someone like me on an ordinary Wednesday. It’s not the privilege itself that stayed with me — it’s what someone chooses to do with it. That’s the story I’d rather carry forward.

In my interview with Deb Whitman, when we talked about dismantling ageist narratives, she recommended thinking of an older person you admire.

This 84-year-old man is now one of mine.

All of this is to say that I was deeply ready for a long weekend with my crew. And it was a good reminder that the little things are the best things and those little things are right within my reach. I thought it would be fun to share scenes from the weekend in case you’re also finding that for whatever reason — schedule, money, season of life — extended vacation isn’t possible this summer. Even 48 hours fully unplugged is magical. (In case you’re wondering about the long weekend math, Sunday was indeed a weekend day but we were back early to tend to various adulting matters.)

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On Thursday, I wrapped work at 6pm and came downstairs to find Laurel making fish tacos. Acts of service are my love language and wow, to come down after a busy day and have this beautiful dinner waiting was the perfect way to kick off the weekend.

After dinner, I unwound my brain working on this vibrant seashells puzzle. The best.

Early Friday morning, we got on the road without a single complaint despite the early hour. I love how easy road trips are now that my kids are older! We still play the occasional car game and on this particular trip, we ended up listening to and singing along with the Frozen 1 and 2 soundtracks, which — when you’re not listening to them nonstop with younger children and can really appreciate the musical composition — was utterly delightful.

I enjoyed so many yummy meals with my family. As much as I love a freshly made meal, I also love using up leftovers. Laurel made me this perfectly runny egg with leftover guacamole and rainbow salad for breakfast one morning.

A major delight? I read four different books over the weekend!

• It felt fitting to crack into We the Women: The Hidden Heroes Who Shaped America by Norah O’Donnell (with Kate Andersen Brower) over the July 4th weekend. I’m only a few chapters/stories in and already recommend that everyone read this book.

• A friend from my old blogging days — Kimberly Hensle Lowrance — sent me a copy of her debut novel What Remains of You — and I read the entire book over the weekend! I admittedly always hold my breath a little when someone I know sends me a book (as in, what if I’m meh about it?), but this book is great. Excellent pace and character development with enough questions marks to keep you wondering while not getting confused. Congrats, Kimberly — you knocked it out of the park!

• I only started the first couple of chapters of Leave Your Mess at Home by Tolani Akinola but I’m pretty sure I will stick with this one.

• I was about a quarter through Dear Monica Lewinsky by Julia Langbein and wanted to stick with it — for several reasons, including the fact that I was a White House intern around the time of Monica Lewinsky — but I just didn’t love it enough to want to keep going, a fact made clear when I blew through Kimberly’s book. (If you’re new to my book recaps: I believe that life is too short to fight through a book that’s not captivating. I pull the ripcord on plenty of books, including well-reviewed ones like this title.)

I enjoyed my first maple twist creemee of the season and OMG it had a cookie stuck in the side.

I spent time outdoors and learned about new plants, including bladder campion, which apparently was worn to ward off witches and evil spirits during the Middle Ages. Obsessed.

I harvested a bunch of yarrow, which I’m currently drying out for tea — it helps with menstrual cramps and my aggressive flow days.

I learned how to play Good Coffee, Great Coffee (thanks, Vi!).

When we buy baked treats, we cut them into pieces so everyone can sample everything. These delicious baked goods didn’t stand a chance.

I took two naps over the weekend. This is notable because I have historically been unsuccessful at napping. I think the combination of exhaustion + true downtime with my family made the magic happen.

We watched the World Cup and Vi and I watched the Frozen movie (just #1).

There was lots of time for games! We played Ticket to Ride (always both stressful and fun), many rounds of backgammon, and I was one typo short (LOL) from finishing the Sunday New York Times crossword.

I saw my dog get the most dog snuggles and love in the history of the dog universe. I was part of the snuggle and love giving. What a good boy.

I stopped at my favorite farm stand and got an amazing haul of produce, including a massive bag of picked-yesterday zucchini for only $5!

I made use of one of the zucchinis trying these zucchini pancakes. Delicious and the entire batch was consumed in one sitting. I’m planning on making them again tonight!

I’m grateful for my family — for supporting me through the busy seasons and being with me so fully and with so much love during downtime. ❤️

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Definitely listen to the full conversation — and get Sarah’s book, Best Laid Plans: A Simple Planning System for Living a Life That You Love. In a nutshell, she helped me reframe my commitment-phobe perspective to one where the act of longer-range planning means protecting space for the things I care about, as well as adding in meaningful things.

That conversation led me to develop a sketch of the coming year and a monthly planning ritual, which I share about in this episode:

And this system served me well — until it didn’t. Over the last few months I’ve been deeply immersed in work around my strategic advisory practice. It has been amazing and it’s also been a lot. And the reality is, adding on a tremendous amount of learning and doing for my practice on top of my current clients, podcast, Substacks, and everyday adulting left me feeling pressed to the edges and overwhelmed.

Incidentally, the point where I knew I needed to enact change was reflective of something I say to my clients when I can sense that they are about to boil over: “If you’re going to bed, waking up, or falling asleep fretting about something, it’s time to do something different.”

After several nights of crappy sleep — going to bed, waking up, and falling asleep fretting about to-do’s, what I might be forgetting, and whether I was behind on things — I sat down to think about my pain points and what to do about them. I want to share about this process because it has been so helpful and I hope it might offer relief if you’re in a similar boat.

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The problem: A planning gap

I took a quick inventory of how I was keeping the balls in the air:

• I was already doing my monthly holistic planning, which I referred to above.

• I was already doing a quick calendar look ahead on Fridays and then a refresh on Monday to get a sense of what was on tap and what that meant for my blocks of actual working time.

• I was already using Todoist as my air tight capture system for tasks (here’s a quick episode on how I use Todoist).

It didn’t take long to realize that I was missing a layer between planning and action in terms of what is truly essential on a given week. And while it is possible to priority-flag items in Todoist, since I usually have 40-50 granular tasks on any given weekday, each morning I found myself arriving at my morning planning check-in already feeling scrambled and overwhelmed.

So here’s what I did.

Identified the system

I always say that any kind of system — planning, to-do’s, etc. — needs to live in a system you will use and enjoy and be able to access easily. Friction kills. I knew I did not want something involved like Monday or Basecamp. Quite frankly, I didn’t want to learn anything new.

I decided to keep it simple and use a simple Google doc as my command center since I am always in this platform.

Evolved my command center

I started with a simple bullet view of high level buckets (e.g., current clients), primary sub-bullets (e.g., client names), then secondary sub-bullets (e.g., priority items within clients). However, I found this format hard to scan as I started to map out my workstreams.

I sat with this challenge for a day and kept thinking through my gap. And then I realized what I needed: A simple table inside of Google docs. It’s a seemingly minor thing, but having clear cell alignment created calm and was more scannable.

Here’s how I built the system: it’s a basic four-column table.

Column 1: My workstreams including the broad categories of business strategy and development, current clients, podcast, Substacks, and personal. I added sub-levels for the projects within each workstream, resulting in 15 workstream rows.

Columns 2 to 4: This is where I had my breakthrough. I realized I needed three columns.

• This Week (column 2) helps me see what is absolutely essential amidst what ends up being 200-250 granular tasks rolling through my Todoist in a week. Yikes. Just writing that out makes me realize why this layer is so essential.

• Next Week (column 3) helps mentally account for actions that are in the immediate wings but not urgent this week.

• This Month (column 4) helps me keep an eye on bigger project elements, which are at risk of getting buried if I’m too in the weeds with details.

Some tactical experimentation notes

• At first I thought I would maintain a practice of setting up my weeks on Friday and reviewing on Monday, but now I keep this Google doc open all the time. I check it first thing every weekday morning to orient myself on what I need to focus on.

• When I started to put this system into practice I used strike through for items I completed but left them in the grid because I thought it would be satisfying to see what was getting done. It ended up feeling too cluttered. Now the goal is empty space. Once I complete a weekly priority I delete it from the table.

• Each morning, I scan the buckets and highlight what absolutely needs to get done that day. This is really helpful to keep me focused.

• I am still in lock step with Todoist. It provides all the granular details and many to-do’s that are ongoing inside of weekly action items.

I know life is a continual moving target, but this system is reducing my mental load — helping with my sense of overwhelm and worry about missing the key pieces. I am thrilled about it and hope this helps you if you’re similarly juggling lots of action items across multiple workstreams.

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Another great think about thinking through the puzzle that is my schedule? It reminded me to get out of my head and break out an actual puzzle. I remembered that I received this vibrant seashells puzzle for my birthday this past fall but was waiting to open it until the summer. The pieces are all flipped and I’m excited to tuck into this. Our dining table is still extended from Laurel’s graduation/send-off party and I love that the’re a beautiful new backgammon board and this puzzle on it. It kind of sends the message, if you want to sit down and eat, might as well play!

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When Jon and I moved to Canada for my Ph.D. program in 1998, our first apartment was a two-bedroom above an arcade on Princess Street, the main thoroughfare in Kingston, Ontario. It felt both luxurious (so much natural light!) and not (there was a homeless man who often slept in our doorway, since we were the first apartment at the top of the staircase).

The noise on Princess must have gotten to us — after a year we downgraded to a one-bedroom apartment on Clergy Street. It was a funky space — a row house that was carved into separate apartments. Our apartment comprised two rooms (bedroom + a small L-shaped living room), plus a narrow hallway and a bath (tucked into the L of the living room); a tiny kitchen had been tacked onto the back later. There was no insulation underneath, so it was freezing in the long Canadian winters.

Between the cheap rent ($550/month CAD) and the tiny footprint, that apartment is where I embraced the idea that it’s not the size of your home that matters — it’s how you live in it. Maybe because of its central location, our apartment became a stopover for friends — to hang out, or to meet up before walking down to the Kingston brew pub. We also hosted several dinner parties, jamming anywhere from 15 to 20 friends into our tiny space.

And it was just fantastic.

I was thinking about these parties on Sunday when we welcomed about 50 people to our home to celebrate Laurel’s college graduation and her send-off to medical school. Our condo footprint isn’t large, and our backyard is small. We figured a drop-in window of 1 to 5pm would keep the flow manageable, but by 1:30pm it was wall-to-wall people. I was in full chaos Muppet food-prep mode, shuttling between the kitchen — which I had managed to keep pretty well organized through prep but in the final flurry was now a total disaster — and the dining table. It was nearly impossible to carve a path.

And it was just fantastic.

What a joy and honor it is to be in a space — however crowded and imperfect — with so much love and care, with so many people rooting for your kid to do well in the world. What a privilege it was to buy drinks, groceries, and balloons to create a festive, welcoming atmosphere. What a delight to hear so many people say how much fun they had, and how they loved meeting [insert name of person who would have otherwise never been in that person’s orbit!].

When it comes to the material trappings of our lives — especially our homes — it’s common to want more. And sure, I’ll still occasionally grouse about our kitchen’s inane layout, or the cheap finishes our builder chose. But those moments are vastly outweighed by gratitude for how we live in this home — a credit to our little family system, and to the friends and family who make our lives richer.

A fitting image: An hour or so into the party I crossed over to the front door to welcome more guests. Our entryway is tiny — we needed to install a built-in to create some semblance of boundary from the rest of the living area. Our inbound guests stood amidst a sea of shoes.

Because even though we told people not to worry about taking off their shoes given the small entryway situation, people took off their shoes because they know that’s how we usually roll. A small yet meaningful reflection of care amidst an imperfect entryway.

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A few party notes in case these are useful:

• Invitations: I used Paperless Post for the first time — the invite-builder interface isn’t perfect, but I loved how easy it made guest list management.

• Balloons: I usually get helium balloons from a nearby Stop & Shop, but Michaels was running a sale — a dollar per balloon, which saved us $26. I ordered online, then called the store because their earliest pickup window was 12-2pm and our party started at 1pm. I asked if they could move us up, even before noon. The woman I spoke with sounded a little stressed (clearly swamped with orders) but wanted to help, and was understandably noncommittal — “we’ll do our best.” I got the ready-for-pickup notification at 11:45am. Thank you, Michaels, for coming through!

• Food: As I mentioned in my last Substack, I’d just put on an expansive Mediterranean dinner the weekend before, so I couldn’t really think about Laurel’s party menu until Sunday. But come Sunday I locked in! My goals: a menu I could mostly prep in advance, with enough variety to suit different preferences, and largely vegetarian so there was lots of variety for a couple of vegetarian family members. I won’t recap every dish, but it was a great spread. If you’re curious, here’s the unhinged Google doc planner and shopping list I developed, with links to all the recipes (all excellent). I did a big Costco run Friday morning and a follow-up Trader Joe’s run Saturday morning for missing items. Friday, the only prep I did was a balsamic dressing; Saturday I prepped almost nonstop from 10am to 7pm. Then I was up again at 6am on Sunday for final prep and execution before the 1pm start. Violet was a huge help on skewer duty on Sunday! The only on-the-fly change: I cut the white bean dip since I still had toum leftover from the Mediterranean dinner, which fit the spread just as well, and I added the pickled radishes that hadn’t been ready in time for that earlier dinner but were ready now.

• Setup: I loved getting to use so many of Jon’s beautiful serving boards for the party — my approach was basically: lay out his boards plus a bunch of serving platters, then just fill them up (lol). Before-and-after photos below.

• My mom: In a true testament to “moms will be moms,” I told my mom repeatedly that she didn’t need to bring anything — she wasn’t having it. I finally said that if she really wanted to, kimbap (kind of like Korean sushi) would be amazing. She showed up with a huge amount of it, plus a huge container of mango sliced for easy reverse pop out and eating (photo below…she is really the cutest). I love that the kimbap was devoured in full.

• Slideshow: A lovely finishing touch — a couple months in the making — was a slideshow. My digital photo files are a dumpster fire, but I set out to curate at least one photo from every month of Laurel’s life, and ended up with more photos (426) than seemed reasonable — the slideshow would’ve run close to half an hour. I saved that full version as a gift for Laurel, then trimmed a 275-slide version for the party itself, with an attempt to work in photos of everyone who’d be there. It was a ton of work, but so lovely — and a good reminder of this post’s point: it’s not about living in a “perfect” space (Laurel’s life has spanned three very imperfect homes), but how you spend your time in them.

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The impetus was this: There are a couple of neighborhood families where the parents are wonderful and we largely connect around schedules and transit for our kids. These two families are do’ers in the sense that they connect Vi to all sorts of cool adventures in town and otherwise. But more critically, I deeply value that they are families I trust and with whom Violet feels completely comfortable.

What a gift.

At some point, Jon and I realized that while our strength is not in creating all sorts of cool adventures (ha), we are very good at expressing our care through food and an evening with plenty of laughs. I also find a lot of joy in experimenting with recipes. So once we realized that both of these families also love food, it was clear that the way we could show up in a meaningful way was feeding people. This weekend’s menu was so delicious that I thought it warranted a separate thematic recap (instead of adding the items to a general bi-monthly new recipe recap).

Before I get started, an important note. When it comes to nurturing relationships, I do believe in people over parameters and am a fan of — in the words of the lovely — deep casual entertaining. We’ve had plenty of gatherings where it’s takeout or snacks. That said, when I’m in the mood, I love putting on a big spread, which I partially attribute to being Korean — where the culinary style is lots of dishes versus a protein, starch, and vegetable. I also have long been sensitive to varied food preferences so I like to put out options to increase the odds that everyone will find something they enjoy.

For the first gathering with this crew, I made a big Korean spread. This past weekend, I decided to do Mediterranean. Here’s how the menu played out. And it was actually not difficult to execute. I prepped the moussaka the night before and prepped everything else in about 3 hours on Saturday morning — plenty of time to meet a high school friend for an early lunch!

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Protein #1: Moussaka

I have this thing about proteins. I feel better having two, especially since some people have aversions to, or dietary changes around, certain proteins. The first entree I made was the moussaka from Nick Stellino’s Mediterranean Flavors. I have had this cookbook for ages and everything in it is delicious. I prepped this dish entirely (save baking) on Friday night because it’s not hard, but it’s a lot of steps (e.g., frying potatoes, roasting eggplant, cooking beef, making bechamel). It’s also totally worth it — absolutely delicious. One of our friends said they don’t even like eggplant but they loved this eggplant.

Note: I considered instead making this shortcut moussaka, but the recipe looked nearly as involved so I figured why not just make the real thing.

Protein #2: Chicken shawarma

The second protein was an oven-roasted chicken shawarma. I have a fantastic Greek chicken recipe that we love, but it involves standing over the stove and I wanted to be free of that by going with a baked option. This shawarma is easy to make and insanely delicious. I doubled the recipe onto two trays and even so, the leftovers were gone by Monday morning. There’s a wonderful warmth and richness to the seasoning blend. What a winner!

Side #1: Chick pea salad

Since it was 90+ degrees, instead of rice I wanted to make a substantial salad. I make a chick pea salad that is similar to this recipe but I also toss in about two cups of halved grape tomatoes and sprinkle some parsley on top when I have it on hand fresh. Everyone loved it.

Side #2: Roasted cauliflower and Brussels

I had a head of cauliflower and a bag of Brussels sprouts in my fridge so I doubled the seasoning recipe in this best roasted cauliflower recipe and the result was delicious!

Dip #1: Muhammara

I often avoid making things with hidden nuts in them due to a household food allergy, but I could not resist this muhammara recipe given that: 1) the recipe is by renowned Boston chef Ana Sortun, 2) I love walnuts, 3) I had a jar of roasted red peppers in my pantry that I wanted to put to use. This dip is INSANE. Easy to knock together and delicious. (And I made clear to everyone that it had nuts.)

One sweet detail is that for this dip I was able to incorporate the walking onions (basically, giant scallions) that one of our guests had shared with us from their garden plot. So lovely! And one initial nuisance that ended up being a fascinating experiment was that I couldn’t find pomegranate molasses anywhere, so I bought a bottle of pomegranate juice and made pomegranate molasses from scratch. Not difficult, especially since I was just buzzing around the kitchen anyway. Look at how beautiful it looks pooled on top!

Dip #2: Hummus

Yumna Jawad’s hummus is my go-to. When I first made this recipe a year or two ago I was like, seriously, I need to shell the chick peas? YES, YOU NEED TO SHELL THE CHICKPEAS. It changes the texture entirely and this hummus is leagues above store bought. Our friends raved about it and also there was a lot of commentary about me shelling chick peas at 7am as a result.

Dip #3: Toum

I also tried making toum for the first time. It’s a Lebanese garlic sauce that is conceptually a lot like mayonnaise but OMG it is so much better than mayonnaise. Easy to make if you have a Cuisinart. I originally decided to make the toum because it is supposed to pair well with shawarma but it tasted amazing on everything.

Extras

• I was going to make and serve pink pickled turnips and bought the supplies for it, but I didn’t read the directions carefully and these need to sit for 5 days in the fridge. After I finished all of my food prep, I made them so I wouldn’t waste the turnips — I can’t wait to try them on Thursday! Meanwhile, I brought out a jar each of the treasured pickles and gingery beets I make and can every summer. People went nuts over the beets especially.

• In case you are wondering, I do have my limits. I bought grilled olives from Trader Joe’s and dolmas and fresh pita from a local Mediterranean bakery/cafe to round out the meal. Our friends were lovely and brought beverages, desserts, and appetizers.

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The life changing magic of check boxes

Sometimes I do my menu planning in Todoist, but in this case I decided I needed an old-fashioned planning grid so I could track what I prepped and not forget to bring it out. It was barely legible but super useful.

I hope you enjoy the recipes!

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