Our plan was simple. As soon as we got through customs, we’d find a ticket counter and ask about getting on standby for an earlier flight.

As we walked out of the first section of customs, we passed a desk with a large sign overhead that said “Transfers”. A man was there waiting to help travelers move oversized cargo from one international flight to another.

The moment I saw him, my spirit spoke urgently.

“There! That guy!”

I turned to my husband and said, “Let’s ask him if he can put us on the standby list for an earlier flight.”

My husband, being the wonderfully practical person he is, replied, “That’s not his job. He probably doesn’t even have access to the flight information we need. Let’s keep going to the ticket counter or our gate.”

And honestly, his reasoning made perfect sense.

Except my spirit was still nudging me.

I could feel that inner push from her, insisting, so I said, “Just let me try.”

I walked over and explained what we were hoping to do.

Without hesitation, he smiled and said, “Sure. I’ve got a few minutes.”

He quickly found a flight leaving in less than two hours and added us as the #1 & 2 passengers on the standby list.

By the time we made it through the rest of customs and arrived at our gate, five more people had also been added to that same standby list, and the flight only had four available seats.

Had we followed the logical plan, and done the “right” process, we would have missed getting on that flight!

My spirit has guided me like this more often than I can count. But these occurrences surprise me more when I’m traveling.

Maybe it’s because I’m out of my normal routines. I don’t always have time for my daily meditation when we’re away, especially if we’re traveling with friends and our days are packed from morning til night. I tend to assume that because I’m not creating my usual quiet space, I’ll somehow be less connected.

But thankfully, my spirit doesn’t disappear when my schedule changes.

She’s still there, nudging me and giving advice.

What I’ve learned is that my spiritual practice isn’t about making sure that my spirit is available to me. She’s always available. My practice is about making me available to my spirit.

When I travel, I try to create a small opening every day. It doesn’t have to be a full meditation; often it’s ten quiet minutes sitting alone, with headphones on to block out the unfamiliar sounds.

I create stillness so I can check in with myself.

Take an internal inventory.

When I do that, I feel reconnected to myself. And then I’m much more likely to notice when my spirit whispers, “There. Ask that guy.”

The guidance isn’t usually dramatic.

Sometimes it’s simply knowing which line to stand in.

Which person to talk to.

Which turn to make.

My meditation practice isn’t what makes my spirit available to me. It’s what helps me stay connected to myself so that I can notice when she offers me guidance.

The miracle isn’t that my spirit speaks to me during meditation.

The miracle is that she speaks to me all the time, and I’m learning to trust that and do my part, which is to stay connected to myself by being aware of how I feel each hour.

The Ask Your Spirit Activation Course Has a New Home

We’ve moved the Ask Your Spirit Activation Course to a brand-new platform for an even better experience. If your spirit has been nudging you to deepen your connection, this may be your sign. You can learn more here.

“Have I developed ADD?”

They tell me that they’re struggling to focus, finish tasks, read books, stay interested in movies, or maintain attention on one thing for more than a few minutes at a time. Many describe feeling mentally “jumpy,” scattered, restless, or easily distracted in ways that feel concerning.

And interestingly, in every case, their spirit pointed toward the same issue:

The increase in time spent scrolling on social media and consuming short-form content.

Note: I’m not anti-social media. I use it too. There are powerful teachings, inspiring stories, adorable animal videos, and meaningful communities happening online.

But I do understand the need to become more conscious about how this style of content consumption trains our brains and nervous systems.

When we scroll for long periods of time, we train the mind to rapidly hop from one stimulus to the next:

a funny video,
an alarming headline,
a divisive political opinion,
an inspiring quote,
a vacation video.

The brain barely has time to process one thing (mentally & emotionally) before we’re already consuming the next.

And because many of these posts are emotionally stimulating, surprising, entertaining, or novel, the brain receives these repeated little bursts of dopamine — the neurotransmitter associated with reward and anticipation.

Over time, the mind begins adapting to this fast pace of stimulation & dopamine hits.

This is why so many people are noticing that activities requiring sustained focus suddenly feel harder than they used to.

Reading a book can feel “too slow.”
Meditation can feel more difficult.
Watching a full movie seems like a big commitment.
Even listening carefully during conversations can become more challenging.

This doesn’t mean you’re lazy, broken, or suddenly incapable of focus.

It means your brain has adapted to the environment you repeatedly expose it to.

The good news is that attention span is VERY trainable.

You don’t need to give up social media completely.

I put myself on a “short-form” “diet”. I allow myself 2 sessions of social media scrolling each day, and each one is limited to 15 minutes or less.

And - equally important - I balance that short-form stimulation with activities that strengthen long-form attention. My favorite way to do that is to read books, but there are other ways you can train your brain to maintain longer periods of focus.

You can:

Read physical books.
Listen to long podcasts or thoughtful conversations.
Garden.
Cook slowly.
Meditate.
Take walks without your phone.

Just spend time doing one thing long enough for your nervous system to really settle into it.

I’ve personally noticed that when I reduce my scrolling time, my intuition becomes clearer, probably because my energy feels less fragmented.

Our attention is precious, and luckily, the neuroplasticity of the brain allows us to regain the focus we may have temporarily lost.

Try a “scrolling diet” and see how quickly your brain retrains itself to enjoy longer-form content and a leisurely pace.

If you’re looking for a supportive place to practice connecting with your spirit, I’d love to have you join us for Weekly Check-Ins. Each week, we meditate together, strengthen our connection skills, and learn how to work through the blocks that can make hearing our spirit more challenging. (And my session packages come with a private session every month, too!)

You can find information about my Session Packages and Weekly Check-Ins here.

And in almost every Check-In, there are one or two people who don’t hear a message from their spirit. Most of these individuals have read my book or taken my classes. They know how to gather their energy and move it to the ideal place to hear their spirit.

So why aren’t they getting answers?

What I’ve learned is that the issue is not a lack of ability. It’s usually one of the following:

1. You’re avoiding the emotions connected to your question (or feeling nervous about ALL strong emotions)

If you’re hesitant to feel the deeper emotions connected to a topic, you may unintentionally block yourself from hearing your spirit.

The spirit world is very comfortable with strong emotions. But if part of you is saying, “I only want to hear something light, positive, or easy,” you’re narrowing your openness without realizing it.

It’s a bit like putting your hands over your ears and saying:
“I’ll listen… but only if I like what you have to say.

Your spirit will respect your hesitation and remain silent.

2. You’re hoping for a specific answer

Many people believe they’re asking an open question, but underneath, they’re strongly attached to a particular answer.

And that attachment can limit what you’re able to hear.

If your mind is already leaning toward one answer, it becomes difficult to perceive anything that doesn’t match it.

This is exactly why I teach the Expectation Eraser (Chapter 2 in Ask Your Spirit). It helps you set aside your assumptions so you can receive the full, accurate message your spirit is offering.

3. Self-doubt is lowering or scattering your energy

If you’re worrying that you might be the one person who can’t hear your spirit, that doubt affects your energy.

Instead of gathering and rising, your energy may stay lower in your body or scatter.

If this feels familiar, I want to reassure you of something simple:

Learning to connect with your spirit is like learning to walk. Everyone figures it out eventually (with enough practice).

The more you reduce the pressure and self-judgment, the faster your connection will open.

4. You’re too tired, rushed, or distracted

Receiving messages from your spirit requires focus, stillness, and a certain level of energetic presence.

If you’re tired, overwhelmed, or mentally scattered, it becomes much harder to gather your energy and hold it in the right place.

In those moments, it’s not a failure - it’s feedback.

Rest. Reset. And return to the practice when you can be more present.

A helpful tip:

If you’re feeling scattered or unsettled, the Divine Centering Technique can help you calm your system quickly and efficiently (you’ll find it in Chapter 1 of my book Ask Your Spirit).

Most people assume that when they don’t hear their spirit, something is wrong.

What I’ve learned is that your spirit is almost always communicating.

But when people watch me channel answers quickly and clearly, it can create an unspoken pressure to do the same.

I often tell my students that I’ve been practicing this for decades. Comparing your beginning to my current level would be like comparing your first basketball lesson to a professional athlete.

The goal isn’t mastery on day one.

The goal is simply to keep practicing.

Because your spirit isn’t testing you.

She’s waiting for you to meet her with patience and trust.

If you’re looking for a supportive place to practice connecting with your spirit, I’d love to have you join us for the Weekly Check-Ins. Each week, we meditate together, strengthen our connection skills, and learn how to work through the blocks that can make hearing our spirit more challenging. (And my session packages come with a private session every month too!)

You can find information about my Session Packages and Weekly Check-Ins here.

As my intuitive abilities have continued to expand, I’ve noticed something I didn’t expect.

I’ve become more sensitive.

Not just in the ways that help my clients.
But in ways that feel… inconvenient.

Crowded airports exhaust me in a way they didn’t a few years ago. I can feel the tension in the room from people worrying about delayed flights, missed connections, and the bubbling panic of someone running late. It lands in my body before I can consciously register it.

For a brief moment, I wondered if I was becoming less resilient. More withdrawn. Maybe even a little antisocial.

But when I asked my spirit about it, I was shown a video clip of a satellite dish, growing in size.

And my spirit explained:

“Your increased ability to perceive what’s happening — in someone’s body & in their life — is because you’re becoming more expanded. Like the larger satellite dish, you’re receiving additional information from multiple sources: your own spirit, the client’s spirit, and the spiritual guides supporting each of you. You are processing more data, more quickly, and with much greater precision.

Yes, the dish is more sensitive. That’s the point.

But as the dish grows larger, it must be better supported.”

So as I become more expanded, I’m taking additional steps to safeguard my energy and my central nervous system.

I still shield myself before entering public spaces. But now I also pay attention to how hard my nervous system is working to filter other people’s energy.

That might mean staying at a party for less time.
Or choosing a private lounge during a long layover.
Or building in recovery time after a very full week of sessions.

This isn’t fragility.
It’s discernment.

I’ve heard many healers say that as you grow, you may shift your friend group or outgrow certain spaces.

That can be true. But what I’m noticing goes deeper.

As you expand, you don’t just change who you spend time with — you also change how you relate to yourself.

Growth increases capacity. But it also increases responsibility.

When your awareness deepens and your intuition sharpens, your nervous system is processing more information than it once did.

That doesn’t make you fragile.

It makes you powerful.

But power requires awareness & tending.

You may need more quiet, more integration time.

Not because you’re weak. But because your bandwidth has increased.

When your “satellite dish” grows larger, it receives more signals. The goal isn’t to shrink it back down, it’s learning how to support it.

Expansion without self-support leads to burnout.

When expansion is supported, it deepens into mastery.

For me, the extra care is well worth it.

Because the depth and precision I can now access in sessions is greater than it has ever been, and it is steadily increasing.

That level of precision requires capacity.
And capacity requires protection.

What reassured me most was realizing there is always a reason behind what’s occurring. I am not “too sensitive.” I am guided — by my spirit and by the entire spirit world who support, teach and partner with me in this work.

If you’ve recently felt more aware, more sensitive, or more easily overstimulated, it may mean that your “dish has grown”.

The question is how you will tend to it.

And if you’re navigating this kind of expansion in your own life, make staying resourced part of the work. When you do, your growth stabilizes, and what once felt intense begins to feel like true power.

We’re in the middle of cold and flu season, and this year has been a particularly germy one. Steven and I were both exposed to one of the circulating cold viruses, and while I was able to use energy work to clear the active virus within a day, we were both left with noticeably low energy for weeks afterward.

I’ve been seeing the same pattern with my clients. The acute symptoms pass, but their energy doesn’t bounce back the way it usually does. Recovery feels frustratingly slow—very similar to what many of us experienced with the original COVID strain.

When I asked my spirit about this virus, she explained that it damages the mitochondria within our cells. Because mitochondria are responsible for energy production, repairing them takes time—often several weeks. This same mitochondrial damage occurred with the original COVID virus, which is why my intuition kept saying, this feels familiar. (For context, typical rhinovirus “common colds” do not damage the mitochondria.)

So if you’re thinking, “I only had a cold—why do I still feel wiped out?” this is likely why.

When the body is focused on repairing mitochondrial damage, it reallocates energy from every level—physical, emotional, and mental. As a result, your mood, confidence, and optimism may all feel lower than usual.

Here’s how I recommend supporting your recovery:

First, prioritize rest.

Track your actual capacity and adjust with kindness. Sleep more. Work out less. Lower your expectations for what you can accomplish—both physically and mentally—while your body is rebuilding.

Second, consider mitochondrial support.

There are many supplements that can help speed this healing process. Let your intuition guide you toward what feels best for your body. Ingredients known to support mitochondrial repair include:

• CoQ10

• Omega-3 fatty acids

• Alpha-lipoic acid

• Polyphenols (from berries, green tea, and olive oil)
  

Third, don’t believe everything you think.

Lower energy often means a lower emotional “vibration,” which can color your thinking. If your conclusions feel more pessimistic than usual, pause. Delay big decisions or declarations until your energy rebounds and you feel like yourself again.

Fourth, ask your spirit for help.

When you have enough energy to meditate and connect with your spirit, ask her how you can best support your recovery process. Your spirit will always steer you towards what helps your body heal most efficiently and gently.

And if you can’t hear your spirit clearly during meditation (this is very common when we’re sick or depleted) let your body be your guide instead. Follow what feels genuinely nourishing: sunlight on your face, hot tea, homemade soups, warm baths, fresh air, or extra stillness. These instincts are not random; they’re another way your spirit communicates when your system is tired.

Healing is happening—even when it feels slow. Trust the process, support your body, and be extra gentle with yourself along the way.

I’m sending you intentions for beautiful health this year.

From the time we enter school, we’re taught a formula: follow the rules, do the work, and you’ll earn the result you want. Study hard, get the grade. Show up on time, get the gold star. Exercise, eat well, and you’ll “earn” good health.

It’s no wonder that so many of us approach the Universe—or God—like another human authority figure, expecting that same social contract to apply.

So when life doesn’t deliver the outcome we believe we “earned,” our frustration may sound like this:

“It’s unfair! I’ve done everything right. I’ve meditated, eaten the right foods, taken the supplements, exercised daily… so why am I still dealing with this symptom?”

Here’s the hard but liberating truth: the Universe never signed that contract. And God doesn’t make deals.

The rules we were trained to follow—cause and effect, effort and reward—are human rules, not spiritual ones. The Universe is not keeping score. Your spirit is not withholding blessings because you didn’t take the right steps in the right order. Pain, discomfort, disease and disability are never punishments.

Instead, your spirit and the Universe/God are always delivering one of two things:

1. A version of what you’ve created - through your beliefs, your energy, and your behavior patterns.

2. The next step for your growth - which may or may not look like what you were hoping for.
   

That second option is where we get stuck, because growth often requires some discomfort. Healing frequently requires slowing down. Transformation almost always asks us to release control (I really don’t like that part! LOL).

I don’t say this to shame or embarrass anyone—quite the opposite. Your frustration is valid. But what if that very frustration is the doorway to a new way of seeing your situation?

Instead of asking, “Why haven’t I earned the outcome I wanted?” try reframing the question to:

• “What can this symptom or setback teach me?”

• “How might this be guiding me to a healthier, more aligned path?”

• “What quality in me is being called forward through this experience?”
  

Your spirit isn’t punishing you. She’s coaching you toward the life that serves your soul’s highest priorities—not just your ego’s short-term goals. Sometimes that means growth over comfort, lessons over control, alignment over approval.

When you begin to see life this way, something shifts. The question changes from “Why is this happening to me?” to “How is this happening for me?” And that shift is where true manifesting begins.

Because the Universe doesn’t honor contracts, it honors alignment, and will always steer you towards the next highest version of yourself.

A Gentle Journaling Prompt

The next time you catch yourself thinking, “This isn’t fair—I did everything right,” pause.

Grab a journal and ask yourself one of these questions:

• What contract do I think God or the Universe has signed with me?

• If everything & everyone in my experience is teaching me something, what might this situation be asking me to learn?

• What could be the hidden gift or redirection in what I’m experiencing right now?
  

Write freely for five minutes. Don’t edit, don’t judge. Just let your spirit speak on the page.

You may be surprised at what comes through—because sometimes the answer you’ve been waiting for isn’t in the “rules” you thought you had to follow, but in the deeper wisdom that’s available to guide you.

We’ve been taught that self‑care is the solution to mental burnout and emotional exhaustion. But your self care may be part of the problem.

What if, instead of replenishing us, our rituals are actually distracting us from what we really need to help us recover?

The truth is, self‑care can turn into a type of self‑gaslighting if we do it on ‘auto-pilot’. We may take the supplements, soak in the hot bath and repeat affirmations, but still feel empty, anxious, or depleted.

Why? Because we’re not actually responding to what our body, mind and spirit are asking for.

From my decades as a medical intuitive, I’ve seen this pattern often. We default to the recovery practices that our culture tells us should work, rather than asking our spirit what will truly nourish us and bring us back into balance. We mentally decide what will be the right thing to do instead of using our intuition to feel into what our body and emotions are seeking in that moment.

To be blunt: Self‑care without self‑inquiry can become a way of ignoring your actual needs, effectively gaslighting yourself.

An analogy is slapping a band‑aid on your arm when you have the flu - ineffective and quite dismissive of the actual issue.

If you’ve tried “all the right remedies” to heal your exhaustion, anxiety, etc, consider listening more deeply and allowing your spirit to guide you in your next steps of self care.

I’ve had many clients like Bethany in my private sessions. Bethany had chronic fatigue and had seen dozens of practitioners over the years and spent a fortune on supplements and devices meant to help her recover her prior energy levels. In her session, Bethany expressed exasperation with how her spirit and body were so “uncooperative” despite her “trying everything” to recover.

I suggested that we ask her spirit for the “best medicine for that day”, and Bethany agreed. Her spirit immediately said, “Ask her about Sunday dinners.”

Bethany looked surprised but then grimaced as she answered.

“My family is very traditional, and we have a big family dinner every Sunday. It’s at our house because we have the biggest kitchen. But I work full-time. So I spend most of Saturday cleaning the house, grocery shopping and prepping food. Then Sunday after church I come home and start cooking.”

As she spoke I watched Bethany’s energy dim. I asked her if she could get more help from her other family members, and she said that their “help” was minimal, like offering to set the table. And so the bulk of the workload remained on her shoulders. Bethany teared up as she recalled feeling torn in recent months when she missed her son’s soccer games on Saturdays because she was too busy preparing to feed 11 people the following day.

Then her spirit said,

“The solution is indeed better self care, but not by taking more supplements. It’s to speak up and advocate for a more balanced lifestyle, which means being willing to disappoint your parents and siblings who are used to a particular routine.”

A month later I received an email from Bethany that she had stood up at the very next Sunday dinner and announced that she was officially ‘retiring’ as the host of Sunday dinners, and that while they were free to use her kitchen, she would not be available to shop and cook for the meal.

Although her family initially acted rejected, she bravely kept talking and explained that she was trying to take better care of herself. Within a week her family had accepted the shift, and took turns cooking.

Her recovery began, she says, almost immediately.

“It’s crazy that something like that made such a difference! But as I felt the shift in my body, I started wondering where else I was operating on auto-pilot, just meeting the expectations of people at work instead of questioning if I really needed to jump through every hoop they put in front of me. And my energy is getting stronger every day!”

Instead of doing the things that you’re told will be the ‘correct’ ways to recover, sit quietly and get centered. (If you’ve read my book Ask Your Spirit, you can do the Divine Centering Technique to quickly get in alignment with your spirit).

Then ask yourself (your body and your spirit):

• What has been the biggest drain on my energy in the last 24 hours?

• Can I call my energy back from that person or issue?

• What is my body and heart actually craving right now?

• What would feel truly nourishing — even if it looks different from what the world calls “self‑care”?

Your self‑care should be more than a weekly chore that you do so that you can check it off your list; it’s about aligning with the deeper wisdom of your spirit.

When you stop gaslighting yourself with “shoulds” and start patiently and lovingly inquiring about what you truly need, you honor yourself and strengthen your relationship with your spirit. Then you unlock guidance that goes beyond temporary relief to real, lasting replenishment.

I love meeting and working with new clients. There’s something so sacred about that first

encounter—the energy of possibility and the yearning for clarity. But I’ve learned that working

with new clients can sometimes be more challenging than working with returning ones.

Often, new clients arrive without specific questions for their spirit. They sit down and say, “Just

ask my spirit what she wants to tell me.” And when their spirit responds with silence, they’re

confused—or even hurt.

But here’s the truth: the silence isn’t because your spirit is stubborn or withholding. It’s about

how my sessions differ from sessions with other intuitive practitioners.

My healing guides have explained that my role is to increase awareness—to help you recognize

what’s underneath your symptoms, struggles, or confusion. That means there’s usually a source

of discomfort—a pain point—that needs illumination before clarity can be delivered.

Your spirit is always eager to help you evolve, but often, there’s inner prep work to be done first.

For example, you might know that you want a loving romantic relationship. So you come to your

session and ask, “When will my ideal partner show up?”

But your spirit may not answer that question—yet. First, we need to ask, “How am I

(unknowingly) blocking the love I desire?”

Your spirit isn’t ignoring your pain. She just experiences your situation through a different lens.

While your conscious mind may be fixated on what’s missing—the partner, the job, the

healing—your spirit sees opportunity. She knows this season of dissatisfaction is the perfect

launchpad for deeper self-awareness, growth, and healing.

Your spirit doesn’t view the absence of a partner as a deficit, but as a doorway: an invitation to

explore what you’re ready to release or reclaim. She wants to help you resolve the discomfort

and the beliefs or patterns that created it—so your next relationship (or job, or friendship) can be

your most aligned yet.

I share this perspective to help you strengthen your own connection with your spirit. Whether

you’re meditating, journaling, pulling tarot cards, or practicing automatic writing, try this:

Instead of asking “When will I get what I want?”

Ask: “What within me needs to shift so I can receive this fully and joyfully?”

Get curious about why you want what you want. What do you hope it will bring into your life?

What will it help you feel? This shift—from lack to anticipation—opens the door to guidance

that is richer, wiser, and far more transformative.

Because your spirit isn’t here just to help you manifest outcomes. She’s here to help you expand

& evolve.

Lately I’ve been noticing how often my female clients experience hurt feelings due to the actions of their co-workers and employees, and how rarely this seems to happen to my male clients.

Is this because the men are less sensitive and rarely get their feelings hurt? I don’t think so. I believe it has more to do with the perspective that many women use in their business interactions (myself included!).

Frequently women view their employees and co-workers as friends, developing feelings that mimic the bonds they have towards their loved ones. Then when those co-workers fail to perform their jobs well, my clients feel betrayed, as if a dear friend has let them down. The blurred boundaries between one type of relationship and another make it tricky to hold someone accountable.

These troubled clients tend to take poor job performances personally, and want to respond emotionally with venting, punishing, or correcting the co-worker. When this occurred for me last year, my husband gave me wise counsel: “In satisfying your desire to vent and “be right”, you may block yourself from getting what you want, which is to get the work done. How can you move the needle forward with this project and address the errant behavior later?”

His advice was brilliant, but at the time I justified my desire to vent with the retort, “But I should be able to tell my truth about what I’m experiencing!” And as I heard myself say that, I realized that I had mistakenly blended my professionalism with my fondness for this new contractor, and so I was trying to push her into better performance instead of acknowledging that I needed to fire her. In the brief weeks that she worked for me I saw the importance of relating to the people that I worked with in a loving and kind manner, but to remember that we have all agreed to work together professionally.

Historically, women have been encouraged to suppress their feelings of frustration at work so as not to appear domineering. This desire to be seen as a cooperative team-player has led many women to not form healthy boundaries, and thankfully in my work with clients I’m seeing this behavior transform. But I’ve realized there’s a big difference between not suppressing your feelings to seem polite and reacting from the perspective of hurt feelings and upset.

In our relationships with our friends, we generally hold the expectation that if we treat them well then they should “do right by us” in return, and be loyal (not gossip about us), kind and honest. When you view your relationship with a co-worker as being more of a friendship than a working relationship, you open the door to feelings of betrayal whenever the work hits a snag.

I’m going to quote my wise husband again (who probably should’ve written this column - Ha!), who said that “The currency of friendship is love, and when we say ‘I love you’ it is a very high compliment to a friend. But the currency in a healthy business model is trust, and the highest compliment is ‘I trust you with this’.”

I’m seeing that my clients who hire family and friends can find themselves loving their co-worker, but not actually trusting them to handle their job, and that is a disempowering spot to find yourself in.

My take-away from all this? To stay present to the primary goals of my relationships. I can (and DO) grow very fond of my co-workers, but my goal is for us to treat each other professionally as well as kindly. And then the accountability portion is much more easily addressed when needed.

Are there any relationships in your life currently that are “too blended”? Where the primary connection between you has been blurred, so that you’re hesitant to ask for what you need and hold the other person accountable for honoring their promises? I think it’s worth pondering.

Those of you who’ve known me for a while know that I love what I do and am passionate about helping others. But last month I found my typically joyful workflow ramping up to a pace that wasn’t “me”. I was working more frantically, filled with the pressures of working in the hustle and driving mode. It’s happened before – this gradual increase in speed and urgency that I don’t notice until I start having trouble sleeping because I have so much adrenaline in my system that my mind can’t slow down enough to rest deeply.

I’ve started paying more attention to the messages that I “feed my mind” – through my emails, social media and conversations with others – and I’m noticing how easy it is to get ‘hooked’ by the implications that I should be “doing more”, “earning more”, and “producing more”. My social media platforms are filled with ads and posts urging me to build more courses, lead more mastermind groups, increase my email list, get more publicity and followers, etc. Scrolling through social media can leave me feeling like I’m never doing enough to build my business.

My new commitment is that I’m going to live at a pace that feels peaceful and nourishing to me. I want to make a good living so that I can enjoy a peaceful lifestyle, but it’s up to me to decide when I want to start living with that sense of accomplishment and contentment. I’ve blocked ads on social media that focus on “More, more, more!” and started following more accounts that offer heartwarming, encouraging stories. While there will always be people who can join me in the race for MORE, there are also plenty who value a life that offers contentment and the feeling of abundance now.

Whew! The last few weeks have been a breath of fresh air for my central nervous system, which so appreciates my reduction in adrenaline and cortisol. And my ego-mind has stopped constantly searching for what else needs to be done ‘immediately’.

How do you know when you’re moving too fast and getting caught up in the scarcity model of living?

If you find yourself feeling like you’re always rushing and running behind schedule to get ‘everything done’, consider this a gentle nudge to slow WAY down and decide that perhaps you’re doing quite enough already. And that the faster pace just invites more adrenaline and perceived scarcity into your life. Those of us living in “Contentment Lane” would love to have you join us here.

When I first learned about visualizing and other tools to manifest what I desired, my focus was on ‘things’ – more money, a great partner, etc. And there’s nothing wrong with creating more of these results in your life.

But over the past few months, I’ve realized that the real GAME CHANGER for me was creating new relationships.

Last year I began paying more attention to the relationships I’d been investing in. Specifically, I began to pay attention to the conversations. Some conversations visited the same topics over and over, while others surprised me and made me question my own limiting thoughts and assumptions.

My spirit began steering me towards what she now calls “pivotal connections” – people who pivoted my outlook and expanded what I thought was possible. And these new relationships have made my last year truly transformative.

I had to look at my openness to new relationships – those outside of my comfort zone. And I discovered – to my surprise - that I wasn’t as open as I thought I was! I had gotten quite comfortable in my little bubble of known friends and business associates, and I wasn’t seeking connections with new people who swam in bigger oceans than I was used to.

So the Universe tossed me into those big oceans when I wasn’t looking! Ha! I complained initially and thought: “I don’t have time to go to all these events and meet all these people”. At which point my spirit chuckled, shook her head and said, “Go anyway.”

So I went. And I reached out to new connections. And my income has increased dramatically in the last year. But more importantly, my perspective has also expanded dramatically. Things I believed were outside of my reach now seem very doable.

And I attribute this expanded self-confidence to having new friends and business associates who are modeling that such growth is possible.

It’s widely known that once we’ve earned a certain amount of money (enough to provide a modest, comfortable lifestyle), more money doesn’t make us any happier. But people do.

The relationships that you choose to invest in and how you show up for those relationships will then become some of the most important decisions that you can make. So, choose well. Look at the people you’re spending the most time with. Do they inspire you, or help you feel comfortable staying right where you are? While we don’t need to pursue constant growth, it’s worth noticing if your friends push you to challenge yourself in beautiful ways.

Do you prefer lots of new stimulation or plenty of comforting routines? Which do you experience more often: feeling bored or overwhelmed?

Our lives fluctuate between too much chaos, change, repetition, and monotony. More change can leave you feeling overstimulated and stressed, and insufficient stimulation results in feeling bored and unmotivated.

I recently moved to a new house in a new city, and by the fourth day of unpacking, I was overwhelmed. So when I got lost trying to find the local hardware store, I had a toddler-like meltdown, yelling at the Google Maps voice on my phone.

Later when the cat knocked a plastic cup off the coffee table, I threw up my hands and groaned as if she’d broken a treasured heirloom. Because I was operating beyond my emotional capacity, I had a short fuse for any minor mishap.

We each have our ideal ratio of newness versus routine. Some people crave stimulation and adventure and enjoy continual change, like frequent traveling ✈️ and moving to new cities. Others prioritize the comfort and predictability of routines like morning coffee ☕️ on the deck and a set route to walk the dog each evening.

Why is it worth contemplating how much new stimulation is ideal for you?

Because when your stimulus level is above your ideal, your capacity shrinks, and you’re prone to feeling exasperated and defeated.

What’s the solution when you realize you’re currently beyond your capacity?

• Adjust your expectations of yourself.

• Acknowledge – to yourself and others – that your capacity is low.

• Shift to more mundane tasks that don’t require lots of problem-solving until you recover.

• Avoid delicate conversations with others—and schedule time to decompress and rebuild your capacity.

Carving out time to do something that feels like a comforting routine can help increase your capacity. Simple tasks like brushing your pet, re-reading a favorite book, or walking a familiar route in nature can help your central nervous system settle down when you’re at your limit.

I was so impressed the first time my husband told me, “I want to hear about this issue you’re having, but my emotional capacity is low because I’ve had a tense all-day meeting at work. So I may be unable to listen and give good feedback right now.”

His self-awareness guided me to wait until the next day to share with him, when his capacity had been restored and he was once again a compassionate listener.

Your emotional capacity will change as you go through periods of intensity. If you pay attention to this, you can adjust your commitments and your expectations for yourself.

Practicing exceptional self-care by noticing your stimulus levels and resulting emotional capacity and making adjustments can set you up for success.

Last month my husband and I moved into our new house in a new city. My goal was to smoothly navigate the moving process with my spirit’s guidance, never losing faith in the Universe’s divine guidance.

BUT……. here’s how it actually happened.

To be ready to make a cash offer, we had to sell our house and move into a short-term rental house. So we worked frantically to get our house ready to sell (apparently, I can’t do anything at a calm, slow pace.)

When we listed our house, we felt blessed that it went under contract quickly. But gratitude was soon replaced by anxiety as we searched for a new home to buy and couldn’t find anything we liked.

As the clock ticked down to the day we had to move out of our home, I battled with a surprising amount of fear and dread. I couldn’t imagine leaving my beloved home to go…nowhere.

Ideally, I would’ve meditated several times daily, connecting to the spirit world and receiving guidance from my spirit. But instead, my ego-mind compelled me to stay busy – scouring the real estate listings, analyzing the pros and cons of every house, and generally agonizing over our future.

I seemed to vacillate every hour between thoughts like “We’ll find a nice short-term rental before we have to move out” and “Holy crap! We’re going to be living in a tiny hotel room with our cats and all our houseplants!” It was like watching a tennis match between my ego-mind (the panicky one) and my spirit (the calm one full of faith). Except that, no one would’ve paid to watch this dismal volleying.

When I did sit in meditation, I could feel the Universe’s loving support, but my spirit stopped short of telling me what I really wanted to hear: where & when we’d find a suitable rental house. Instead, She reassured me that we wouldn’t be homeless or living in an awful temporary space. I appreciated the reassurance, but what I REALLY wanted was specifics! Addresses and timetables, please!

I realized that I was demanding the sort of specifics from the spirit world that my clients always ask for.

If the spirit world knows where we’re most likely to end up, why not just tell us and spare us the agony of all that confusion and fear??

Because one of each spirit’s goals is To experience the “The Joy of Remembering & Reconnecting.”

When we’re worried or overwhelmed, we may see ourselves alone and struggling without help from the Universe. We may shut down and pull away from our connection to the Divine, forging ahead in survival mode.

But when we remember that the spirit world is available and seek that connection, we feel relief and comfort. And in the next hour, we may forget this connection and feel isolated again.

This process – of feeling vulnerable and afraid because we’ve let go of our connection to our spirit, then reconnecting with the loving support again – is a process that we ALL go through, even the most dedicated spiritual practitioners.

I’ve had sessions with many spiritual teachers and healers, and each of them has experienced times of fear in which they doubt if the Universe is really supporting them. During periods of illness, injury, or grieving, it can be challenging to connect to one’s spirit and access loving guidance.

But when we feel safe enough to get quiet and still and reach out toward our spirit, our spirit delights in that reunion. While I’d love to stay connected to my spirit and her wisdom all the time, I’m simply unable to do that.

Daily, my ego-mind jumps to worst-case scenarios in a determined effort to solve problems before they arise. Worrying about what might happen distracts me from my connection to my spirit. Then my spirit patiently waits for me to remember that I can feel better, and access my intuition, by stepping away from fear and back towards Her.

Eventually, we found a lovely house to rent, and of course, right after we found the rental place, we found the home we were meant to buy! And as soon as we found our house, I could look back and see how the Universe had guided me through each step.

I know that my spirit, and the entire spirit world, is always ready to offer divine guidance and reassurance. And I’m patient with myself when I’m “too human” to access that divine guidance. In those moments, it’s enough to know it’s there waiting for me once I calm down enough to reconnect to the spirit world.

What’s your motivation?

All of our actions are motivated by thoughts - thoughts that prompt us to act.

I’ve learned that in every moment we’re being motivated by one end of the emotional spectrum or the other; everything is inspired by either love or fear.

It’s easy to see the difference when we look at extreme examples of each of these. If someone is holding a gun to my head then I’m clearly acting from fear. And if I smile and bend down to pick up a puppy then it’s clear that I’m acting from love. But what about the less obvious cases?

Something as simple as going to the store for groceries can be motivated by fear:

“I’m behind schedule and I need to go to the store now in order to cook something by dinnertime!”

Or motivated by love:

“I want to go to the store now so that when my boys come home hungry they’ll smile when they walk in the door and smell dinner already cooking.”

The resulting action is the same – I’m going to the store either way. But I’ve learned that if I pay attention to my motivating thoughts, and change them into positive, loving ones, my day is filled with so much more gratitude and happiness. And I didn’t have to change all the day’s events to bring about this happiness – what a relief!

It’s SO much easier to change your thoughts and feelings than to change all the circumstances. All that’s required is paying more attention.

Start noticing your reasoning. Stop each time you begin a new activity and ask yourself why you’re doing it. If your answer sounds like it’s coming from fear-based reasoning, see if you can re-frame your motivation. And if you can’t find a positive reason for doing what you’re about to do, consider holding off until you can.

Let’s use our trip to the grocery store as an example Last month I had gone to the grocery store three days within one week, and it was time to go again. Good grief, I thought in exasperation, feeding two boys and their friends can feel like I’m running a restaurant! I was getting ready to leave when I noticed my resentful attitude.

I sat down on my sofa and got determined to feel better about the grocery run. It took me a few minutes, but I finally came up with feeling appreciative that some people couldn’t buy food, and that others had to walk for miles to get food for their families. All I had to do was get in my car and drive less than a mile. And I knew that the grocery store would be filled with plenty of food and that I had enough money to buy what we needed. Ok! My attitude was readjusted, and I went from resenting a third grocery run to appreciating that I could accomplish getting food in less than 20 minutes. Ah, a much better feeling!

Shifting your emotional motivation can take effort, but it’s always worth it! Starting today, make it your intention to feel happier. Be determined to act from gratitude, appreciation and humility. And notice how much more often you’re smiling.

It’s been another week of great sessions, with my the spirit world sharing wonderful advice and interesting observations. But several times this week I’ve had to point out to my clients that they were beating themselves up without even realizing it. These instances happened after their spirit shared a great piece of information. Each client was intrigued or amazed with the insight that was offered, and then immediately chastised herself for not already knowing that information. It reminded me of a chapter in my book where a client’s spirit eloquently commented on this tendency:

“Humans are the only species that learn something and then feel anger towards themselves once they’ve learned it - anger that they didn’t already know it. As if life is not meant to be experienced but figured out before one arrives. Since it is impossible to know the best action to take in every foreseeable situation, I recommend that you avoid needless suffering by having compassion for yourself after you learn something.”

My client Carolyn immediately recognized the truth in her spirit’s comments, and later in the session her spirit offered more on this topic:

“...And adults tend to resist learning - learning things about themselves and about healthy changes that they could make - because of the ensuing self-judgment. We are more compassionate with children, and we tell them that they are not expected to know everything already - that’s why they go to school. But school is not capable of teaching a person everything that she will need to know throughout her entire life, agreed?....And yet adults tend to judge themselves when they have to learn through the process of “getting it wrong.” This self-judgment implies that no more learning should be necessary beyond a certain age.”

Is there an age that - if you reach it - you then know everything necessary to “never get it wrong”? I’m thinking probably not....

So now I’m trying to pay more attention to my own tendency to cringe self-consciously when I learn or realize something that I’d not known previously.

I’m not suggesting that you get excited about your ignorance, just grateful that you’re always growing in awareness and that there is always more to learn.

Because let’s face it, if you already knew everything, wouldn’t life be boring? And a bit aggravating, waiting for everyone else to figure out what you already know? :)

I love this quote:

“The path to our enlightenment is nothing else but the rediscovery of our Buddha nature that we have forgotten. When the wind has blown away the clouds from the sky, you can see the sun again - actually it had never stopped shining.” - Dilgo Khyentse Rinpoche

Over the past few weeks, I’ve observed myself and noticed how neurotic I can be when I’m sleep-deprived, distracted by a romantic interest, or worried about my boys. The fact that I can feel so peaceful and clear one day and so muddled and confused the next is.....very daunting. Years ago I would worry that all the progress along my spiritual path had been lost, that my day of angst demonstrated that I had failed in my quest to be more loving, peaceful and trusting of the Universe.

Now I know better.

Now I understand that I have “cloudy days” and I have clear-sky days, where the progress that I’ve made on my path is evident and readily available to me.

I used to gauge my spiritual progress on how many “good days” I had, days where I felt peaceful and clear and could use the wisdom that I’d acquired to help my clients. But I’ve changed my barometer to reflect the fact that I, like all humans, have an ego. And with an ego comes the ability to feel fearful, and to worry and fret that my needs will not be met. Eventually, I will get enough sleep, or sit and meditate to connect to a higher perspective, and then my fears will subside and I will feel calm and clear once again.

Understanding and accepting this ebb and flow - between love and fear - has been a major step towards acceptance of myself and others. No one is perfectly calm in every moment, and when we’re feeling anxious our reactions will be.....less than ideal. Now my goal is not to be clear and calm in every moment, but to recognize when I’m feeling “cloudy” and my ego is influencing my perception and reactions. Once I spot this “ego bias”, I stop taking my anger, worry and frustration too seriously. Instead I take steps to re-connect to a higher way of seeing things.

So my new barometer for assessing my progress on the spiritual path is this: how quickly can I notice when I’m coming from fear instead of love, and what will I do to re-orient myself to a higher perspective?

Under this barometer I do not have to be perfect. I just have to be brave enough to be honest about what I’m feeling, and willing to work to shift my perspective to a higher one.

Which makes me think of another quote that I love:

“The first requirement of any spirituality is fearlessness. For a coward it is impossible to act virtuously.” - Mahatma Gandhi

May we all be fearless in our pursuit of love and a loving perspective.

I read somewhere that for most of us, our first thought of the day is one of scarcity. Is your first thought “I didn’t get enough sleep last night?” Or “I’ll never get everything done on my list today”? I confess to having had both of these thoughts before my feet even hit the floor. I’m realizing how this perception that we don’t have enough - of things like time and energy - sets us up to be dissatisfied all day.

If I believe that today I will have to go without - without sufficient energy, or sleep, or satisfaction - I begin my day frustrated and irritable. I look for evidence that my fears are accurate, and each tiny struggle or disappointment fuels my sense of injustice and dissatisfaction.

OR.....

I can recognize this tendency to think negatively in those first waking moments, and I can counteract it with some deliberate choices.

When I’m disciplined I take the time to write in my gratitude journal before going to sleep. This helps me to keep track of the little things that went right each day, things that are easy to forget when annoying items clamor for my attention. Now when I wake up I try to read over what I wrote the night before to remind myself that things always seem to work out in a way that is perfect for everyone.

For years I’ve been teaching that we find evidence of whatever we’re looking for. Because there are millions of events that happen in the world each day, your ego mind will focus on the ones that validate the perspective that you’re holding, and ignore the events that seem to contradict your viewpoint.

Knowing this, I try to pay attention to my perspective, noticing if I’m looking for evidence that life is pretty great, or that it’s pretty tiresome. Because my perspective will be validated, of that I’m sure!

And boy is it easy to slip back into scarcity thinking!! We are inundated with messages about scarcity, since it is scarcity thinking that motivates us to buy more products. You know, so that we can get more time, youth, health, sex appeal, etc - all the things that we’ve been told are in short supply.

I’m writing about this topic because the goal of this blog is to help the reader feel better. At the end of the day I believe that this is why we pursue anything - because we believe that it will make us feel better in some way. And I’ve noticed a direct correlation between scarcity thinking and unhappiness.

So the more that I can move away from scarcity thinking, the more I move towards happiness. I invite you to notice this pattern in your own life, and let me know what you observe.