I’ve often wondered if my MS makes me more emotional than other people or is it just my personality?

Depression is very common in people with multiple sclerosis (MS). About half of all people with MS experience depression during their lives.

And usually when I feel like this I get in my pyjamas with a cuppa and wallow in my misery then go to bed and hope I feel a bit better tomorrow, but for whatever reason I decided to get in my car and headed to the beach and watched the sunset.

I sat there for about 20 minutes, cried (obviously), tried to make sense of my feelings and failed, had some very questionable looks from strangers, as there was a crazy lady crying on a wall 🤣 until a random guy came over and started talking about his dogs. It was a really wholesome conversation and it instantly made me feel better (which made me want to get a dog)

And I’m not sure doing all this changed how I was feeling but it was good to get out of the house and I woke up feeling a bit better, not 100%.

I think I was lacking human conversation in my day and I needed to have that connection without realising it. There was nothing that triggered this feeling, it just happened

There isn’t a huge point in this but I just wanted to share that life isn’t always rainbows and butterflies, it’s also not doom and gloom sometimes it’s just a bad day.

Becky x

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I've never been on a couples holiday.

I'm 32, I've been single since I was 17, and every holiday I've ever been on as an adult has been with my family.

My friends have spent years booking romantic weekends away, all-inclusive resorts, city breaks and honeymoons. Meanwhile, every summer I'd be packing a suitcase to go away with my mum, brother and sister-in-law.

And for a long time, I was embarrassed I'm not booking the couples holiday like everyone else.

Especially when I've had endless comments from people telling me that they think it's weird to go on holiday with their family as an adult.

And it's not because I don't love spending time with my family. And not because going away with my family is embarrassing. It's actually my favourite thing to do.

But because it felt like everyone else had unlocked a part of adulthood that I wasn't experiencing.

I wanted a couples holiday.

I wanted the airport photos.

I wanted to plan the romantic trips for just the 2 of us.

I wanted to be the person coming home with stories about the little restaurant we'd found down a random street somewhere in Europe.

And if I'm honest, I still want those things.

The truth is, I still want the couples holiday.

I still want the boyfriend. I still want the weekend breaks, the all-inclusive resorts and all the little experiences that come with sharing your life with someone.

But I've stopped treating my current life as something that's happening while I wait for those things to arrive.

These family holidays aren't a consolation prize.

They're some of my favourite memories of the entire year.

They're the stories we retell every Christmas. They're the photos I scroll back through and they're the moments I'll probably miss the most one day.

I've realised I don't have to choose between appreciating what I have now and hoping for something different in the future.

I can love these holidays and still want a partner.

I can be grateful for this chapter of my life whilst hoping another chapter comes along one day too.

So no, I've still never been on a couples holiday.

Maybe that'll happen one day.

Maybe the next person I go on holiday with will end up joining these family trips

And until then creating a life you enjoy on your own is the most important thing and do whatever makes you happy.

Not in a dramatic way or a “my life is terrible” way. Just in the quiet way that you learn to live on your own.

No one really messages to ask how your day is going, or to check you get home safely (how would anyone even know you left!). And you don’t really think about it as first until one day you start to realise that if something did happen to you it might take a while before anyone actually noticed.

That sounds like a lot when it’s written down but it’s not said for sympathy it’s just one of those things that sits in the background when you life a single life.

Doing everything on your own all the time can be exhausting. Choosing what to have for dinner, making weekend plans and I can’t even begin to tell you how much I hate taking the bins out on my own every week. Sometimes it would just be nice to have someone else there to decide what’s for tea, plan a cinema date and split the cardboard and plastics.

But you get used to it.

There is something really empowering about doing things for yourself. Building a space that is yours. Decorating things exactly how you want them. Going on solo dates and realising you can enjoy your own company instead of just filling time.

There’s a peace that comes with not constantly dealing with someone else’s mood, chaos and routines that can make people in relationships feel lonely.

And I think that’s the bit that people don’t talk about enough, you can feel both of these things at the same time.

You can like your life whilst hoping it might change one day.

Being the single one for a long time can make you feel like you’re the only one thinking all of this, when actually you’re not.

There are good days, there are amazing days and then there are some harder days. So this is just a reminder for anyone living this life. You’re not behind you’re not doing anything wrong you’re just living life a bit differently and no one has put it into words before.

Becky x

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Life has just been... a lot. The good kind of a lot, mostly, but a lot nonetheless.

I've been in my home for three months now. My home. And honestly, I don't think I fully appreciated how much that would change me. There's this quiet kind of confidence that comes with it, making decisions for your own space, waking up in a place that's entirely yours. I feel genuinely independent in a way I wasn't expecting.

That said, it hasn't all been light and breezy. There have been some down days too. Days where the quiet felt less cosy and a bit more... loud. But I'm learning that both things can exist at the same time, the joy and the hard bits and neither cancels the other out.

Alongside all of that, I've been pouring a lot of energy into my social media, working on building something that actually means something to me. It's taken up more headspace than I anticipated, in the best way.

I don't have a neat conclusion to wrap this up with. I just wanted to check in, say I'm still here, and remind you that I think about this space more than my posting history suggests.

More soon. I mean it this time.

Becky x

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I had some amazing news yesterday and I had the call to pick up my keys for my new house 🏠 I was so overwhelmed with emotion it was a mixture of excitement, joy, fear, panic, happy….I spent a good 30 mins unable to control my tears (of joy) and once they started I couldn't stop 😂 The whole process took just over 19 weeks, so not terrible but not the fastest either. But I have to say without my bestie ChatGPT I'd of felt so lost with the process.

I went to B&Q today and started painting this afternoon. I spent over 4 hours and havent managed to finish the first coat yet, I needed to take a few breaks in between and it definitely made the process longer. I'm regretting my life choices of not hiring a decorator to paint for me…but I'm committed now and need to get it done.

Tomorrow is February and the start of a short month. I'll be spending the majority of February slowly unpacking and finding homes for all my things. Let me know what your plans are for February and if you have any tips for moving in or things I need to do that I've probably forgotten!

As always thank you for reading and subscribing ❤️

Becky x

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Last week I went out for New Years Eve and ended up picking up a bug which surfaced on Monday, so I've ended up taking 2 days off of work this week to recover. “It was just a cold” but honestly it was horrendous. I'm glad I'm coming out the other side now. I think having a low immune system from my Kesimpta medication makes sicknesses harder to get through.

Tomorrow (Saturday) I have an MRI which is my annual MRI to check my MS medication is working and preventing progression, so keep everything crossed that it comes back all good 🙏

Who's watched Stranger Things? I LOVE the show and I wasn't disappointed by the ending (no spoilers, don't worry) but I think they rounded it off nicely (maybe a bit too safe).

This year is already turning out to be a busy one, booked a holiday with family (including my nan) in July and a festival with family in August along with the usual weekend plans.

I've decided this year not to go on any dating apps because they just don't work for me and I'd love to know what things people have tried instead of the apps?

Happy new year everyone! Thanks for subscribing and if you fancy it, please share with anyone who you think would enjoy this ❤️🥰

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Watching the world couple off, go home, or disappear into loud, busy family houses while you try to work out where you fit.

There’s an unspoken expectation that Christmas should feel full.

Full tables. Full diaries. Full houses.

And when it doesn’t, it can quietly confirm the fears that you’re behind, that you’ve failed at something everyone else seems to manage without thinking about.

If you’re living with chronic illness and managing symptoms, Christmas is physically demanding too.

Early starts, socialising, noise, shopping and parties.

The pressure to “make the most of the day” is overwhelming and fatigue doesn’t care what time of year it is.

Managing the day often means making choices that can look antisocial or lazy to other people, but are completely necessary.

You might need to:

• Leave early

• Nap in the middle of the day

• Sit out traditions

• Say no

And that can bring guilt. For me, major FOMO too. I’ve battled every year a feeling that I’m “ruining” something for everyone else.

You’re not.

If your Christmas looks quiet, minimal, and includes a ready meal, that’s realistic.

Being single at Christmas can highlight loneliness. For some people, it’s genuinely hard. For others, it’s peaceful and exactly what they want. Both can be true.

If all you do this year is get through it, that is enough.

Be honest. Rest where you can. Give yourself permission to do Christmas in the way your body, mind, and circumstances allow.

Merry Christmas 🎄 xx

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Thanks for sticking around even when I disappeared. It means a lot.

If there’s something you’d like me to talk about or a question you’ve wanted to ask, I’d love to know.

If you’ve read this far please consider hitting the subscribe button, I have lots of updates coming your way ❤️

Becky x

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Welcome to my blog, I'll post here as often as I can. Here's a video of the kind of content I create. If you enjoy it please subscribe and follow over at Instagram and TikTok under @singlewithms #chronicillness #multiplesclerosis #ms

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Stage 1 = Denial

You struggle to think that life is over with that person and constantly think everything will go back to normal.

Stage 2 = Anger

This can include feeling angry at the situation, your ex or yourself for being in this position.

Stage 3 = Bargaining

You start thinking of how the relationship could still work especially if you change something about yourself.

Stage 4 = Depression

This is a tough phase to go through. You start thinking that you're not good enough for anyone else and no one else will ever want you (leading back to Stage 3 a lot!).

Stage 5 is Acceptance

You finally accept that the relationship is over. It doesn't mean you're not sad just that you accept things can't go back how they used to be.

Seeing my ex the other day, I sat in between Stage 2 and 4. I was angry he'd led me into this situation, it reminded me of a future I didn't get and it brought back fear of being alone forever.

You will cycle through all of the stages over and over until you finally accept the relationship is over.

It's important to remember that exes are an ex for a reason. Your life is just starting a new chapter.

The community for single people with a chronic illness is just starting up. Subscribing to this page helps massively to share stories and help people feel less alone.

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The wait was…looooong but eventually bloods taken the nurse sat me down for a chat about the fatigue I've been suffering with. Other than a referral to a clinic for managing fatigue symptoms there still is no cure out there for one of the most debilitating symptoms of MS.

Overall though it was a good day and it ended with a dog walk with Teddy 🧡

Life is weird it’s not easy to navigate when everything is running smoothly, so when life decides to throw a curveball at you like MS it hits you like a tonne of bricks and it feels like your world is crumbling around you. It gets so much easier as you learn a new way of living but it can take time. Knowing how to deal with certain situations on your own is the first big hurdle.

Being single and having a chronic illness has made me evaluate my life and look at how I want to proceed forward with this new dynamic. Come along with me whilst I ramble on about everything and anything, share my single life experience and go through how I will navigate living with MS.

Thanks for being here 🧡