dahan-dahan - lola amour

This intense association of failure to our self-worth isn’t something new; it’s common, especially nowadays where even the miniscule details of life are curated to fit the ideal. We set these ideals for ourselves because we’re not certain that we can do better, that we can go beyond even with the means that are there to equip us. The terms of this ideal restrict us into becoming who we are and feast on us wholly, in every aspect of our being. It hijacks our perception of ourselves and of others so that it reduces everything into doubt and mere symbolic capital.


It’s common and natural for us to associate failure with ourselves because it hindered us from getting what we wanted to achieve or expected to. We associate because failure leaves us with ourselves back to square one, but we have to understand that being back to square one didn’t omit our ability to gain experience that equips us with understanding the purpose of that failure. Wisdom comes forth from the experience of being back to square one with discernment that keeps us going.


It’s within our ability to make it through with the means that we’re given in that certain time, as our courage grows fervent from the mere thought of success despite the odds. Forget playing the odds; we’re supposed to create them. Have fate or destiny be played at the stages of our choices rooted in keen judgment. Failure isn’t meant to bound us to a repetitive phase that defines who we are; rather, it is meant to equip us to face what is beyond the present time.

By creating the odds, you seek to find other ways or means into a sense of achievement, for it may be that that failure be a redirection into something greater, and it doesn’t diminish that sense of achievement; it just takes on another form.

Blessed is the crisis that made you grow, the fall that made you gaze up to Heaven, and the problem that made you look for God.

St. Padre Pio

Blessed also are these wisdoms that make us look within ourselves to deem us worthy of courage and faith again, that humanize our struggles into something to be proud of and not as a characteristic that reduces us into mere deficiencies. It is one thing to encounter defeat and make the most out of it, and it is also one thing to be defeated; always make space for the former. May it be that our failures be the grace that makes us have faith within, that fuels our dormant tenacity, and that redirects us to prosperity.

Let failure humanize you to the point of existence; have it transform your beliefs into the purpose of living. Forgive it as it attempts to reduce you to disbelief and weariness, simultaneously allow it to be a reminder of unyielding resolution.

Tailor your discernment into the courage that makes you not captive within the stagnant bud but rather the strength that rids you of the worry of withering. For withering is also a part of a plant’s cycle for it to continue to grow, redirecting its flow of nutrients down to its roots, patiently waiting for spring to come. Let it be so that you wilt; have patience in the wait for your own spring to come, yet don’t move in haste to bloom. Allow wisdom to take its course within you to make you exist further than what you planned for; let it reach the crevices of your toil and make use of it to go beyond.

It may be that the gulfs will wash us down:
It may be we shall touch the Happy Isles,
And see the great Achilles, whom we knew.
Tho’ much is taken, much abides.

Alfred Tennyson

Wisdom transcends humanity as it takes on different forms, suitable to each situation. It remains fluent in the language of crisis, pacifies doubt into certainty, and humanizes faith into courage.

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ang mahibang sa pag-ibig - ian quiruz

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my dear, i think of you in every waking day that i have,
my eyes open having left dreams filled with swirling thoughts of you.

i do think of you, despite this lingering distance that tears apart my affection,
but do forgive this flouting outside the mutual boundary of amity.
i do think of you, in the most erratic inconstant ways,
like the pulsing of the surface of a star to maintain its equilibrium.

my dear, you taint my mind with all your might,
consider my composure distraught whenever you’re near.

i still think of you, though all the windows and doors are shut,
all the more that this pining continues to ink these devotions.
i still think of you, loud yet graceful do you move within my thoughts,
numerous attempts to squander fall short to the magnitude of this adoration.

my dear, these words are to be perpetually laced with the entirety of my affection and love,
through these silent grievances shall my vulnerability be not rationed but wholly given.

always will i think of you, in everything i see there are imprints of you,
my heart is to be wrung out at the altar of your name.
always will i think of you, even at the darkest of hours shall this skull of mine be filled with pieces of you,
such epiphanies do you serve that endlessly will i feast.

my dear, it’s been long since this devotion was planted yet never it once asked permission to grow,
gradually it lingered without any urgency and metastasize into forms of affection.

perhaps i already love you, this is through without knowing where or how. gradually i’m tainted with glimpses of you, without protest and with grace i let it consume me. spotted as the sky filled with countless fireballs of matter does my headspace begin to be whenever it hears your name. to the farthest extent and most depth i dare continue this passion, yielding to express admiration without forethought.

I shall be erased in this profound hidden manner, these lines emit liability and conformity to you. straightforwardly, without vanity or sorrow do i adore. the beating of my heart be the tempo that each word that comes out of my mouth rhythmically flow with, gently intensifying into an orchestral piece of devotion. an ensemble of emotions and vulnerabilities does this piece gracefully hold.

i dare relinquish rationality behind in the pursuit of absolute vulnerability, leave the status quo and be wholly within.

wholly is my love be at your pedestal, i fashion everything in accordance to you, to your precious name. these lines do bring about the fruitful expression that loudly haunts parts of my brain. feast on these worded templates of my affection, it may not fully depict the gravity of each emotion felt within your presence but may it be a carcinogenic reminder of this terminal thirst i have for you.

XVII (I do not love you...)

I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,

or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.

I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,

in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms

but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;

thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,

risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.

I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;

so I love you because I know no other way

than this: where I does not exist, nor you,

so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,

so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.

- Pablo Neruda

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every little noticeable trait tugs on the strings of one’s heart as it implies that person listened, they heard you in that very moment and that certain statement has stuck with them. with everything you say to someone within your life, having something stuck out within a person, to have their thoughts recall, that in itself beyond any form of romance. it is the highest form of thought, to have something that is not yours occupy your headspace and with it tailor your every action.


having to remember is no easy feat, that certain person must have significant importance to have their form live within your mind. you remember because you care, as one listens not intently but unconsciously, though unconscious, it entangles the mind to association with that certain person. remembrance goes hand in hand with association, as you associate that particular imprinted memory in you to any actions thereafter for that certain individual.

it’s often argued that the sacred words “i love you” trumps any form or existence of romance. though these words do have much to mean and can encapsulate adoration within individuals, it is limited to the grasps of emotions, bounded to having it be the only thing that is ultimately said when a person made you feel something. memory transcends existence than that of love, it is stored within the very unconscious level of our minds. it is not a temporary sentiment, nor it is a fleeting emotion, it’s permanent. it is indefinite, as memories exists even after we die, to have a memory of a particular person is to have breathed a life that consists of that very individual. to have them live within your own mind, having spent thousands of impulses in vanity of their name.

remembrance stages love at a point where one does not know how that love exists, memory breathes the love we have for someone. the shared experiences or one sided epiphanies for that person, we love because we experience. it freezes that certain moment that you had and forever it is engraved within you, it may be that it was unintentional but the mere fact it stuck out with you posits how vast our minds works.

“Remember me when I am gone away, Gone far away into the silent land;
When you can no more hold me by the hand,
Nor I half turn to go yet turning stay.
Remember me when no more day by day
You tell me of our future that you planned:
Only remember me; you understand It will be late to counsel then or pray.
Yet if you should forget me for a while And afterwards remember, do not grieve:
For if the darkness and corruption leave A vestige of the thoughts that once I had, Better by far you should forget and smile Than that you should remember and be sad.”

”Remember”

- Christina Rossetti

memory sits far beyond the reach of time, it does not age, nor does it change your present. it stays with the past, yet leaves everlasting shards that one can evocate whenever it is conjured up by a thing. having spent much of our life creating memories it is good to also remember them, to have them close within you.

our devotions are written with the ink of sentiments and conviction, a person lives through each memory we have of them. the mind and heart work in unison when one remembers, it is in this collaboration that we also feel whenever we remember. adoration does not come temporarily nor it be shaken off easily, it is lived and transfigured through the many attempts that we remember to love. our memories ground us to the endeavors we take to make that person feel us, to make them feel our love. in these days filled with grand schemes and abundant methods to show affections let us not leave the instinctive ways that is to remember.

it is not in the grandiose ways that someone falls in us but rather in how we remember bits of them, to fully understand who they are. though it is inclusive of the thought that they love us too for who we are as it goes together with how much of them we understand, how much of their capacity can we get by with. this is not meant to bound memories to the systems of love but rather have it be the only grandest approach in loving someone.

remembrance is not silent nor it is hidden , it speaks loudly for it feasts within one’s mind. every nick of thought tainted by that person speaks acclivity in the approach of loving them, as you are painted by their every appearance. the moment you remind them of the thing you remember is the point where you personify that fragment into love. you let them be conscious of the truth that they plagued your mind with every quirk they had tells vulnerability on your part. love is vulnerable in every single frame it is in as it lets down your walls for the other person to come, to let them be conscious of you remembering, rings how you listened to them then.

it is not the heart that remembers it is the mind but only through the recollection of that awareness does the heart is reminded of what that memory was. our mind never forgets, it stores, for a person never truly leaves your mind they are just archived outside the reach of one’s consciousness. we love because we remember, we remember because we love.

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all the choices we make, every decision we take, and the fear that lingers whenever we’re faced with something, are natural. we must remember that the next pages of our lives are yet to be written and is decided by the very next option or choice we’ll take. whether it be as small as picking what drink you’ll have or what clothes you’re going to wear for the day, implicates a step into something unknown. an unknown feeling, an unknown scene, or an unknown memory.

certainty rids us of that anonymity due to it being sure of something specially the after effects of a choice or decision. being certain forces us to choose something born out of careful planning and knowing what to do after. uncertainty on the other hand requires sheer courage that is indomitable, it poses us in a position to grow out of our old ways and be able to take on things as they come. faith interlocks with uncertainty as it cannot exist without doubt, we have faith in something because we know it will eventually work out. you cannot have faith when you know what is going to happen.

doubt exist for the reason that we don’t have an answer to everything, we cannot know everything. we know enough to get us by and be able to make the choices that define us. our faith has its foundation made on questioning things, being uncertain about the course of action that our decision is going to take, but trusting that it will work. even if our decisions doesn’t go as planned, uncertainty forces us to take whatever happens next with everything we’ve got, handle it with grace.

“Even Christ was not certain at the end........ Our faith is a living thing precisely because it walks hand in hand with doubt.”

Conclave (2025)

when we learn how to proceed uncertainly, we allow the unknown to take shape, we allow our doubts to question the nature of our decisions but never to forget to not be under the grasp of your doubts. being unsure brings us to our senses, it grounds us to handle the outcomes.

though it’s in our nature to be certain about things, specially in the unknown, we can’t predict what will happen most of the times. our bodies can adapt to changing circumstances, we must take this adaptability to face the unknown. certainty is hardwired into us but uncertainty is the thorn that we can’t rid. it’s the other edge of the sword though some fail to perceive it, it’s still part of the sword, it can still be useful in the right circumstances.

there’s intimacy in not knowing what’s about to happen, being blind of the future allows you to take in what’s in front of you. an indescribable thrill arises when you’re taking up troubles a day at a time rather than having it all laid out, a sort of comfort knowing that you’re present in the present . uncertainty forces you to grow, to see things through as you never are sure of what’s to come. it is with every breath in how we figure things out, adapting to the changing course of the tides.

to be doubtful is to have faith, a trust in the process though assurance is scarce. a belief in yourself goes hand in hand with uncertainty, as knowing you can handle the unknown equips you with the right mind to tackle any circumstances. never trust complacency, it sets you in the pedestal that never allows you to see beyond your own sets of beliefs. allow doubt and skepticism to snake into you, if there’s a room for questioning, there’s room for growth as you take in every single thing that you don’t have an answer for.

“to see the world, things dangerous to come to, to see behind walls, draw closer, to find each other, and to feel. that is the purpose of life.”

The Secret Life of Walter Mitty (2013)

we live within the boundaries of the known and unknown, tending to only stay in what we know rather than venturing off into whatever the universe has to offer. our purpose goes beyond our ability to face whatever is in front of us, it sets off our instinctive nature of exploring, of going beyond what is in front of us.

to tweak a quote by Cesar Cruz:

“the unknown should disturb the comforted and comfort the disturbed.”

uncertainty should provoke those who are in their own zones into venturing, staying and choosing your cards carefully rids you of possibilities that could’ve advanced you to better circumstances. knowing that you’re facing the unknown should already comfort you, as you’re at the stage where you’re equipped with your senses to face the unforeseeable future.

we have doubts because there’s a distinct peculiarity within us to be curious, uncertainty is infinite, our curiousity of it will never be quenched, as we will live on our lives indefinitely questioning every single part of it.

to be uncertain is to foresee a thousand lives, yet it is only through proceeding uncertainly that you get to live those lives.

all of us in our own personal way yearns for something. some if not all offer it up to a higher being as a form of comfort and expression to see to it that it will in some way or form be fulfilled. devoting oneself out of the three, desperation, desire, or need. we’ve all dealt with waiting in some way but there is a different kind of wait for something that has no guarantee. a kind where you’re constantly haunted by confusion and doubt, leading to the worst case scenario wherein you question whether or not it’s still worth it.

some still hang on due to it being the only thing they’ve known or done for quite some time in their lives. but some just leaves it be as they cannot foresee that it will be done in any way.

either way the consistencies in these choices offer up branches of new abundance to happen. there is beauty in waiting for it but there is also beauty in letting it be. the way these paths lead to something is determined by the passion and the resolve it took to continue choosing those decisions or being aware of new opportunities. there is also beauty in wanting something unattainable while continuing to pursue it despite the odds. be it that you put on your rose tinted glasses to not set foot on reality but the sheer will of still pursuing it is something inimitable.

it’s within you to be showered with abundance one way or another, as these choices often comes with its own set of troubles and turbulence. allow yourself to see beyond the yearning and devotion, to see both terrors and beauty in the state you’re in.

long for it or let it be fate still arrives at your doorstep.

yet in these thoughts, walls begin to melt into dark and haunting tar. this seemingly endless dream starts to disintegrate as the terror of reality settles in the nests of perception. fear and confusion divides the spaces within, making joy and peace obsolete. this evocative reminiscing is ruined by poignant awareness.

this isn’t something unnatural, it is a repeated litany that invokes immense devotion and tenacity. a piece of transient memento to suffice the reality of expectation and rejection. it comforts the weary heart through distraction and deception. the only escape in this pandemonium.

allow it to live through as enduring equates growth and immunity. let the mind create this intricate deception purely made out of love, a kind where desperation seems to be the only resort. while being in the midst of these thoughts, never forget to get out. these are only hallucinations, let yourself to live the emotions that accompanies it. feel every single thing beauty and terror, as these are the mediums for you to live without being driven to insanity by these illusions.

love shouldn’t be enclosed and suppressed in the four corners of one’s mind, rather it is meant to be felt, expressed, and shared. a love born out of expectation and extreme desire consumes the self in ways one couldn’t possibly see, slowly chipping away pieces of one’s flesh and consciousness. let yourself feel.

never rely on daydreaming to be the fuel of your adoration as it sets high expectations that leads to dissatisfaction and despair. it’s a piece of performance of the mind to allure the heart into intoxicating itself in the perception of a perfect situation.

bind adoration and devotion to expression and consistency of revelation. the more one feels for an emotion the more one understands the grounds of it. don’t let yourself get too far loose in imagination as time always proves it to be a thorn in one’s soul. let yourself genuinely love freely and contentedly.

don’t hesitate to consume, even if you yourself is the subject of it. that allows you to understand and learn to be responsible in the situations in your life. but to always remember that to consume is not to fully divulge yourself in those circumstances but rather be deep enough only to understand and not let it ruin you.

keep yourself at the midst of creation hidden or not, as each piece of it allows you to express yourself in ways many couldn’t understand. everything you touch bloom into something that eventually leads back to you. those personalities and idiosyncrasies that you have did not just pop up out of nowhere, it came from everything you’ve ever touched, consumed, and absorbed. even the passion you have to keep on living is also a testament in creation as everything you do allows yourself to evolve. for better or worse everything you do changes you and that in itself is a powerful force.

allow things to freely pass you by, keeping in mind that not everything that is meant for you will be there instantly. spontaneous temporary satisfactions does not equate to long-term permanent resolutions. that is why i think one of the rules in life is to never stop creating, whether it be a small thing such as a doodle or a note to someone, those creation are imprints of yourself to be immortalized into other people.

this creation thing isn’t confined in the spaces of writing but also in the minuscule acts of cooking food, possessing kindness, tagging along to something, letting yourself be of use, reading books, listening to music, being a cinephile, traveling, and every other thing that allows you to absorb a thing as it turns into your drive to do something. to move is to create.

always never stop creating as it can be the nudge that other people need to feel something allowing them to keep that process going.

a burned memory of someone holding the door for you or waiting up while you tie your laces, hardwired into our brains as something familiar. something ever so worthy of taking up some capacity of our mind, even our emotions. enclosed in the area where it held an assumptive affinity to our easily swayed personality. something, despite its characteristic and categorical values (good or bad), can be familiar. as being familiar with something goes beyond those parameters and sets itself in a distinct nest wherein it holds a position of authority in one’s essence.

we hold things dear as they are familiar. a reminiscent memory or something that happened seconds ago, be it that others might consider them insignificant. it still happened. you experienced something, you.

every single one of us longs to have something to be felt. even just a little, even if that something potentially damages us in the end. we want to finish it, go through even the most vile inconveniences despite it tearing us apart. the feeling of actually feeling is never a stranger to us, as it drives us to gain something, to experience something firsthand.

the utter elation of partaking, having felt an actual emotion in a while, and sheer “stepping out of the comfort zone” type of scenario. every single one of them is something worth going back to. the act of feeling shouldn’t always be dismissed, often we forget that it’s what makes something familiar.

nevertheless, that familiar thing chains us to that memory. carrying those experienced baggage, living through each of them. traveling  through paths that traverse through the unknown. heeding those who travel alongside you, occasionally crawling in their skins.

converging memories with another and being one in the moment leaves imprints on the soul that either torments or uplifts it. most often the subject of lament, those foregone memories that shifted something within us. piecing those moments into us, a collection of seasons, each of which defined a momentary phase of our life.

familiarity glimpses seasons, a reminder of the foregone. transcending the ever-linear torment of time, a testament that one can look back to. having felt many things, one always forgets to see where they’re at. the countless passions, mountains, and lapses they’ve had in their lives.  it allows us to see, to be at some comforting pocket beyond time. reliving a thing or two, feeling the same sentiment over again.

our souls are ever-changing, having seen and felt many things. it craves the glimpses where we felt alive, comforted, far from the harsh grip of reality. looking at our reflection, completing the circle of realization. what we seek within life is always within us, it will always be within us, for we felt it.

in pursuit of something greater we tend to make room for mundane snips scooting those shared memories no matter the value, being anxious of our state in the future that’s why we trade those moments for something that gives us temporary satisfaction rather than permanent resolution. thinking that some socially loved thing is supposed to catapult us to something beyond what we are now.

forgetting to keep such incredible things close. those fond laughs and unforgettable smiles from the ones we care about. showing such raw and unbridled emotions about something, not caring about what comes after. being so vulnerable to someone that you forget to leave some for yourself. yearning for something with such passion. these are some of the things that humans get caught up with most of the times.

we often forget to cherish the now due to the anxiety of the future and the ever recurring tentacles of the past that seems to haunt us everywhere we go. but we have to remember to never forget about the now. that this whole thing being a three act play with the now being the act where the lead throws off their coat and faces the next act with confidence up high, having blown the audience with the previous act building up to that climax.

never forget that to reach that climax is we need to have those scenes in between, those exchanged dialogues and catchy musical bits. often those bits are the ones that become the foundation of the wishes that we wished before.

the now. the present. no matter what we call it, it’s always here, longing to be seen.

sometimes we ask ourselves how do we cherish the present when the future seems to get a hold of us every chance it gets?

then we must remember that cherishing the present stems from us hoping. to hope that a certain feeling, situation, or state to happen.

terrifying it is to hope but it’s what makes us human. it keeps us grounded.

grounded in the sense that we don’t reach too far from our grasp and going beyond the horizon of what it is we can’t or can do. to hope is to focus on our actions with much regard that we’re already enjoying the now but still having that sense of the future within our sights. to hope is to redirect our trajectories towards something we desire.

as hope stems from our desire, with it stemming from our wants and needs. how can we desire something without appreciating the efforts and the time it takes for us to reach that hope?

to hope is to notice the things that allows us to be ourselves, things that should never pass us by as they are there to serve as the purpose and foundation of that desire that we strive for. without hope we don’t have something to strive for, long for, and yearn for.

pointless is life without the hope of living to see another day. foolish it is to never hope for something as it is the most powerful thing that we can do.

our hope manifests because we see the present as it is, the thing that projects our future into what we want it to be.

to hope is to keep it close. keeping those shared moments and fervent incoherent desires close as they are the catalyst for the physical manifestations of our dreams. never settling to that anxious feeling of the future ever again but rather giving much thought to the now knowing that we will get there, just enjoy the now.