My mum, sister and I absolutely adore the Ekka.

The Ekka, short for ‘exhibition’ (how Australian), is Queensland’s largest agricultural show and welcomes around 400,000 visitors to Brisbane each August. For two weeks, the inner city showgrounds are home to bright lights, large crowds, thrill rides, competitions, animals and a fireworks display each night. Much like the Harvest Festival in Parks and Recreation, the Ekka is kind of a big deal.

When my sister was little, my mum started taking her to the Ekka and for the longest time it was their thing. Only as an adult did I realise I was missing out big time, so I began tagging along. In recent years, it’s turned into two adult daughters going to the Ekka with their mum every year.

The whole affair is quite the ritual. We do all the iconic things you do when you go to the Ekka but we do it with flair, precision and a lot of sentimentality.

If I search August on my phone’s Photo app, you’ll see the same pictures taken each year — smiling faces in front of the same fun house, the same clowns game and the same Ekka neon sign.

This year was going to be different though because I could only go to the Ekka for half the day.

Our Ekka date was booked in the calendar for weeks, but it fell on the same day as another commitment I made with friends, and so I made the difficult decision to split my time and do both.

I remember calling my mum and telling her my elaborate plan and she sounded quite nonchalant, “It’s your ticket, Jadie, you can do what you want, no stress, all good.”

My heart sank.

I had stabbed my mum in the back. All the things she’s done for me — drive me places, surprise me with Aldi special buys, treat me to dinners — and I couldn’t even spend one whole day with her. And not just any day, a very special day that’s filled with laughter, reminiscing and nostalgia.

As I grow older, I feel the weight of keeping family traditions alive, which is really tricky to do when you’re also trying to build your own life. We grow up, get jobs, become super busy.

When life is constantly moving and changing, traditions can be a gentle reminder of who you are and where you’ve come from. My mum didn’t grow up with the Ekka, it wasn’t something passed down to her by her parents or something she arrived in Australia already knowing how to love. She found it here, in her new home, and she gave it to my sister and me, and now it belongs to the three of us.

Our Ekka tradition isn’t just about the things we repeat each year. It’s a beautiful spell that brings my family together and reminds us of the home my mum built in Australia.

After my half day at the Ekka, we decided to go back for a second night. We got to do a lot of our rituals again, but this time it was at night which felt kind of thrilling. It felt same same, but also a little different.

We stayed until close, and as we walked out, my mum suggested that we try the Ferris wheel next year. We’d never done it before, but we were all excited to give it a go and start a new tradition.

In the spirit of the Ekka, I’ve made my own showbags! They are now live on my website. Check it out here ★

A chubbycalico ☆ Mystery Showbag ☆ comes with four paper goodies — a surprise mix of postcards, stickers and zines from past and present collections. Every showbag is different!

Each bag has an approximate value of $20 AUD for only $8 AUD — what a great deal! Have a little fun and treat yourself to a showbag. Thank you for supporting my art :)

Thank you for reading my newsletter. This was a particularly sentimental one, so your support means a great deal. If you’d like to see what else I’ve put out there, check out my other favourite Substack posts below.

Ahhh some days I wake up and I just know something isn’t right. My legs are slow and heavy, my cheeks are wet with tears and my face hurts because I’ve been scrunching it all day in absolute frustration because none of my quips or jokes are landing.

All my thoughts are racing at different speeds and trying to speak all at once. Everyone is pissing me the fuck off and for some strange reason everything tastes like cardboard. The day drones on and on and on, and when I finally lay in bed, I can’t relax and I can’t sit still.

It’s really difficult to be in tune with your body. It’s easy to ignore the signs and I begin to convince myself that I’m weak. And to counteract this shame, I go even harder, and push myself to the limit. And what does that lead to? A fatigued, unregulated surly version of myself that’s cynical and vengeful, and not in a ‘cool, Fleabag’ kind of way.

I’ve collected the data and I have no more excuses. I’ve proven to you (and myself) that I’m actually well aware of these symptoms and that enough of them (minimum of at least three) can bring out my sullen self.

So, let’s like… not go down that path. Instead, I will be gentle and kind to myself.

On days like this, I tell myself that I am not broken, just out of order. I start with familiar things. I treat myself and get a hot chocolate or bubble tea (jasmine milk, pearls, 25% sugar, less ice, on soy).

I listen to my body and ask her what she wants. Do I want to do a modest workout or do I feel like pumping my SULA playlist and feel the sweat dripping down my boobs? Am I longing for a walk or do I just want to stretch?

Do I feel like chuckling with Trixie and Katya today, or do I want to ride with Mary Beth Barone and Benito Skinner? Or… both? I watch Lady Bird, Booksmart and The Devil Wears Prada. I tune into Hacks and Modern Family and recite all my favourite lines.

I call my mum and text my sister to see if she’s free. I give my boyfriend a hug and a cuddle.

None of these things fix what I’m going through, but they do remind me of who I am. The drinks I always order, the people I always call, the stories I come back to. They’re all pieces of me.

And somehow, when I gather enough of them together, they take care of me until I can do it by myself again.

You may have noticed that my ‘voice’ and ‘tone’ has shifted.

Looking back and reading some of my old Substack posts, and oh boy, did I really care about sounding ‘polished’. Sadly, this was the thing that stopped me from making newsletters regularly. I was seeking perfection and excellence but not giving myself the grace to practice and give it a go first. And, yeah nah, I don’t want to be like that anymore.

I feel like I was so hungry for an A+ in blog writing, like girl, it’s not that serious and you’re not being graded. And in fact, let’s just be a little silly!!! Use the perfectionist persona for other things like spreadsheets at work, but use this space for letting go, play and discovery.

The Beginner’s Guide to Writing Personal Essays by recommends that you should write how you speak. Well this is how I speak, and it actually feels authentic, and it feels good.

This voice is an extension of my collages, and surprise, surprise, I guess it was always there, I just had to wipe the steam away from the mirror. Lol.

Media

1. I hope this finds you well by Natalie Sue

   Hmmm. I really liked the humour and would often chuckle on my commutes. As a 9 to 5 girly, I thought the idea was fun to play with, and I found the ending satisfactory. I wasn’t a fan of how the romance element was written. I give it ⭐⭐⭐

2. Real Housewives of Rhode Island

   My latest obsession. I. love. these. ladies. Big fan of Alicia and Ashley. Liz was interesting to watch. Loathe Kelsey. Aspire to have the wit and quickness of Rosie. A very strong start to a new franchise. I give it ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

3. Adults

   Another TV show I put on when I’m experiencing all of the above. I cannot wait for Season 2! I give it ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

Fun list

Inspired by

Thanks for sticking around and reading another edition of chubbycalico :)

it’s been a hot minute! a lot has happened since we last spoke. i travelled across china for a month, spent a weekend tabling at an art fair, and led a massive campaign at work. i had grand plans to post a newsletter weekly and become one of those people who effortlessly “keeps up with content”. i thought public accountability might magically cure my perfectionism. shockingly, it did not.

but somewhere between all of that, i quietly built an online store.

the shop officially opens tomorrow, but i wanted to give my substack subscribers early access before anyone else. as you know, i’m a sentimental girlie and dates hold a lot of symbolic meaning. as a gemini, launching at the start of gemini season felt cosmically on brand.

you can check out the store here:

chubbycalico online store

and here’s the full catalogue in gif form.

there’s postcards, stickers, zines and journal kits — all made with lots of love, late nights, and little scraps collected along the way.

and big news: chubbycalico is going global! everything is sent via good old-fashioned stamped mail, which means my art can now travel far beyond australia.

i’ve always loved the idea of art arriving in people’s letterboxes like a tiny surprise. i originally imagined some kind of mail club, but releasing limited drops in small batches felt more natural (and a little more realistic alongside a full-time job). once something sells out, it won’t be restocked, which makes each collection feel a little fleeting and special.

thank you again for being here. it still feels a little surreal that something i started making quietly in my room during covid now gets to travel around the world and land in other people’s hands. supporting my work in any form helps me keep creating, experimenting, and building this strange creative universe of mine. seriously, thank you for being part of it.

with lots of love,

jade x

The sun sets behind the hills like a Closed sign on a shop, and I feel my chest tighten. I start thinking about my email inbox, the brief that’s due, the target I need to make for the Board.

It always strikes when I’ve only just started to feel relaxed, like I’ve barely sat down.

I think about work taking up five days of the week. How am I supposed to fit the rest of my life into just two days? Go to the gym, do the laundry, tidy the house, buy groceries, see my friends, go out, dance, write, create. All of this and still feel rested by Monday. All work and no play.

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Time moves on anyway. My thoughts slow down. Or maybe I just stop following them. I notice where I am again. The room. The light. The evening settling in.

The cicadas are softer. The cat is tucked on the couch. The dishwasher hums through its night cycle. Shower, skin care, bed. Small rituals that carry me through the edge of the week. The scaries will return, but tonight is still mine.

Things I do on Sunday nights

1. Call a friend

   Talking through the week helps quieten the head noise.

2. Watch a comfort show

   Right now it’s hope-core comedies like Abbott Elementary and Parks and Recreation. Both are set in workplaces, which oddly makes work feel less threatening. Like work can be unserious and funny at times.

3. Drink cup of tea

   Fennel or peppermint. Something warm to signal that the week is winding down.

4. Read

   The five-page rule. I promise myself just five pages, and more often than not, I keep going.

5. Apply a face mask

   The Skin1004 Madagascar Centella Watergel Sheet Ampoule Mask. Cool and calming. Sometimes I pop it in the fridge ten minutes before applying, just to really calm and de-puff my face.

Thanks so much for reading! You can find me across the internet here.

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Here’s a zine I made and I’m really proud of it. That’s all :)

Thanks so much for reading! You can find me across the internet here.

Happy New Year :)

It’s the season for new beginnings so I’m reviving my Substack! It’s something I’ve been wanting to do for a while but haven’t quite got around to, mainly because I’ve been feeling a little lost with my creativity. The other day, my boyfriend casually mentioned that my current “projects” have mostly been house chores (we just moved in together). I was a bit taken aback when he said this, but he’s right… I haven’t collaged in a while, and I’ve left my Substack a little dusty (thank you for sticking around, by the way!).

I’m pretty sentimental about dates, and maybe it’s the momentum of the New Year and that feeling of regrowth, but I’m here, writing my first newsletter in ages. It’s scary, but good.

If you have a look at my archive, or even my IG feed, you’ll notice I’m a sporadic poster. I have waves of creativity and consistent posting, and then I go silent. I’m coming out of my hermit phase now, but I can’t help wondering how I got there in the first place… and of course, I know it’s that niggling pest in the back of my mind: perfectionism.

I’ve been noticing this voice a lot more lately, especially since the move. Things like opening the dishwasher and noticing mixed cutlery in the holder — an impulse takes over, and before I know it I’m organising everything so the forks are in one section and the spoons are in another. The same cutlery must be in the right sections, organised to perfection.

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Even this morning, when I was planning how to write this, I pulled out a blank, unlined notebook and immediately thought: No… how am I going to write my ideas down without lined paper? There has to be some sort of order! And it’s a brand new notebook too, I’m definitely saving that for something special. It can’t look messy inside.

But then I took one breath in and one breath out and thought, if I don’t use this notebook now, when am I going to use it? Is this going to be another one of those times where all the stickers I collected as a child sit in a box somewhere untouched, because I was waiting for something amazing, I guess. The stickers are the amazing thing. This new, blank notebook is the amazing thing!

Don’t get me wrong, I think this perfectionism pest can be quite handy sometimes (it’s like spiders around the house: they eat the bugs and help in some way, but they’re still a little scary). I’m thankful for when my perfectionism shows up in my work ethic, or keeping my house clean and tidy. But when it starts to impede my creativity, then yes, it’s a pest.

So, I think my goal this year is to challenge it. To use it for good, to know its time and place, but also when to ignore it. I miss creating and having a go at things. I miss playing and having fun. Writing this entry is super scary, I have my doubts (is it good? will people read it?) but this pest has stopped me from creating, and I really want to change that.

See ya later, perfectionism.

Wishing you a fruitful 2026!

♡ Jade

Things that inspired this newsletter

1. by

   There’s something so cozy about Quirine’s writing, I always look forward to reading the latest edition.

2. My friend Amy at Forge Forward

   Amy has a wealth of creativity and truly gives everything a go. From attempting to print personalised envelopes to making fun Instagram reels, I always turn to her for inspiration and leave feeling super motivated by her absolute go-getter attitude. Check out the incredible things Amy creates here.

   

3. literally just do things by

   The tough love I needed.

A small gift for you!

It wouldn’t be a chubbycalico newsletter without a collage kit. Make, create and play :)

Collage Kit

4.07MB ∙ PDF file

Download

Download

My collage kits usually have some sort of theme but this time I really went off the rails and literally just compiled a bunch of images I liked, and yes, I had heaps of fun making it.

Here’s my mantra for the year:

Thanks so much for reading! You can find me across the internet here.

There’s something kind of funny about repeating a bold statement over and over again when, deep down, I have no clue.

I’ve been sharing this dramatic prophecy with my co-worker for a few weeks now, and it always makes us giggle. The ambiguity is totally part of the charm. It builds momentum: curiosity, excitement, possibility. The more I say it, the bigger it feels, like yes, of course, something big is coming!

I always deliver it with the kind of confidence that suggests we’ll just know when it happens.

The truth is, I probably won’t. But maybe that’s the magic. Anything could be the big thing — and if something doesn’t feel like the thing? That’s okay. It just means something even bigger is waiting around the corner.

So yes, something big is coming. And I’m ready for it.

Nathan For You and The Rehearsal

Big shoutout to the editors on TikTok who’ve been consistently feeding me Nathan Fielder edits all month. Since The Rehearsal Season 2 finale dropped, Nathan has entered full heartthrob territory. I rewatched Season 1 and I’m watching Nathan For You for the first time.

My FYP absolutely knows I have a huge crush. Every edit I see, I’m blushing! He’s not just a genius — he’s probably the performance artist of our generation! Nathan’s a masterful storyteller with impeccable comedic timing, but what stays with me is the quiet honesty in how he observes the human condition. My boyfriend and I watched the finale in absolute awe, asking “Is this a bit? Is this real?!”

The sky is no longer the limit for Nathan Fielder. Is space next?!

I’ve reposted all my favourite edits on my TikTok!

Visiting rural towns

I don’t drive. I don’t have my license and honestly, I’m in no rush to get it. I am a passenger princess.

But something wonderful has happened: my boyfriend bought his first car, which means we can drive anywhere!

We’ve been doing little day trips — hitting the open road and exploring the beautiful Queensland landscape. From hazy hinterlands to winding mountain roads and sunny coastlines, it always feels new.

Without even realising, we’ve fallen into a ritual: visit the main street, buy something from a local bakery, browse the thrift stores, and end the day at a lookout, usually through a short nature walk.

I’m really grateful to live in a city where I can feel like a tourist for the day. It makes me fall in love with home again and again.

Addison by Addison Rae

The diva delivered!

What I love most about this album is how easy it is to listen to. At just 33 minutes, it’s the perfect length — great for my morning commute or cooking a tasty dinner. It’s also the only album I consistently play from start to finish, no skips.

It’s fun and unserious in the best way, “Money loves me / I’m the richest girl in the world!” but it’s also sincere when it needs to be: “In times like these, it’s how it’s meant to be.”

From TikTok star to recurring Kardashians guest to Netflix film lead, Addison’s evolution has been fascinating to watch. If you’re like me and love pop culture analysis, I highly recommend watching Nicky Reardon’s video The Art of the Rebrand: Addison Rae.

Ironically, I kind of loved her single Obsessed from 2021, but it was the Aquamarine music video that really made me do a 180. Not only is she a musician, she’s someone with a clear artistic vision.

Pitchfork nailed it in their review: “But Rae is at her most delightful balancing camp and sincerity on starry-eyed numbers in which all the world’s a stage.”

I managed to score tickets to her upcoming gig, and I’m counting down the days until the diva arrives down under!

Winter solstice

The shortest day and longest night of the year just passed. It fell shortly after my birthday, and I felt a quiet, sixth-sense pull to let go of things that no longer aligned with the woman I’m becoming. It was a yearning I couldn’t quite name, until a conversation with a friend revealed the symbolism behind the solstice and it resonated deeply with what I was feeling.

I love when that happens — an inner feeling that completely aligns with the stars.

In my orbit

Material things I’ve been loving lately.

1. Lush Tingle Body Conditioner — I love using this after my body wash. It leaves a cooling, tingling sensation, kind of like menthol, that lingers after you shower. Perfect for winter!

2. Sylvanian Families Baby Seashore Friends Series blind bag — I may have a slight gambling problem when it comes to blind boxes. I really, really want the crab and lobster… but after three tries, I still haven’t landed my loot. That said, the ones I’ve pulled are cuties and they live on my work desk now!

3. MCoBeauty Super Glow Blush Drops in Rose Pink — I’m loving the no-foundation, natural makeup look. This blush is pigmented but not too intense, and it leaves a glowy, natural finish. Not to mention, it’s super affordable.

Back to Substack

After a year-long hiatus, I’ve returned to Substack. It feels like where I’m meant to be — still sharing my thoughts, just in a quieter, less theatrical way.

Thank you for the love on my last post. Coming back to a platform I’d left dormant felt daunting at first, but I’m glad I finally ripped the band-aid off. Essay writing is new to me, and I’m still finding my voice, trying not to overthink it. Reflection comes naturally to me — it’s one of my strengths, but also, my Achilles’ heel. I’m learning to let go of that and to press publish, even when it’s imperfect.

This is a new wave I’m surfing, and I’m curious to see where it takes this newsletter.

Thank you for reading! You can find all my socials here 🐇

Usually, this means an aesthetic shift — which I secretly hope will develop into something more profound. This year, I was ready to say goodbye to my long hair. It’s not the first time I’ve gone for a dramatic cut, but it’s been a while since I’ve returned to short hair. I had my Pinterest board bookmarked and was excited to welcome the optimism that comes with marking a new beginning.

I was planning to end my two-month YouTube hiatus with a transformation vlog. I had a few working titles in mind — new beginnings, cutting all my hair off, new look… new me. I played out the vlog in my head, planning all the b-roll I’d need to capture. I was obsessed with the final result but I hadn’t even hit record yet — and when I finally did, nothing felt right. I wasn’t having fun. I took a beat and asked myself aloud, “Do you even want to vlog today?” “No,” I answered.

The sense of relief was immediate. There was no need for me to perform — I could just put on my comfy clothes. On the walk to my hair appointment, I began to reflect on why I’d suddenly felt so at ease, at a time when saying no felt so right. It made me question why I started making videos in the first place. It all seemed pointless, but it was important to remind myself of the good things that came out of my YouTube stint: I improved my video editing skills, posted consistently for the first time and enjoyed having a weekly project to pour my creativity into.

When I compared who I was back then to who I am now, I realised I was pretty lonely while making those videos. I was searching for somewhere to release my feelings — a way to process what I was going through. Looking back, it was really just a conversation I was having with myself.

The main difference is that I now have a core group of platonic soulmates. I often imagine these friends as the Board Members of my life, with me as the Chair. Each one brings their own strengths and expertise, always there to listen and support. I could talk to each Board Member for hours — analysing coworkers, laughing at horoscopes, or sharing motivational morning calls. They want the best for me, so they’re not afraid to speak up, hold me accountable or call me out. I show them every version of myself and they love every single one. No performing.

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It’s taken me a while to find my people and feel this connected to my friends. I think it came with age — with time, patience, and a lot of love and loss. My early twenties were about trying everything and figuring myself out. Now, on the cusp of another birthday, I feel more grounded. I have a clearer sense of who I am, and with that, a clearer sense of the people I want to keep close.

I think that’s why I took a break from YouTube. No more conversations with myself and a camera. I have my nearest and dearest now. These feelings about YouTube have been brewing for a while. Recently, I filmed a video about my journaling ecosystem, and as I was editing it, I kept asking myself, “Why do I want strangers to watch me talk about this?” Don’t get me wrong — I’ll always have thoughts to share and the desire to put myself out there. I just don’t want to be the face of it anymore.

I don’t want to perform — to put on an outfit and vlog it. I want to call my friends, then slip into my comfy clothes and write from the coziness of my bed.

Things that inspired this essay

1. oh, there’s my prefrontal cortex! — Anything Goes with Emma Chamberlain

2. The Rehearsal — Season 1, Episode 1

Sometimes you don’t wanna say anything, but you do want people to know you exist. — Nathan Fielder

3. stop craving validation from people you don't like by

whispers of oizys

stop craving validation from people you don't like

There is a moment, in the quiet, often around three in the morning, when the room folds in on itself. The walls lean inward, the glow of the digital clock stains the ceiling, and all the applause you ever gathered in your life feels like an echo in someone else’s house. This is not a metaphor. This is how it happens. This is the hour in whi…

Read more

a year ago · 182 likes · 17 comments · tunmise adebowale

Thank you for reading! You can find all my socials here 🐇

how are you?

in my last newsletter, i elected april as my month of rest and relaxation. i took a break from writing and collaging, avoided rigorous exercise and minimised big social engagements. i even paused my usual cleaning routine! i really thought about my energy and time and focused on using it with purpose (the bedrotting and tv binging was done with purpose). i’m really glad i listened to my body because i really enjoyed april and this tiny experiment. i don’t feel so burnt out and i’m keen to bring in the new month. my creativity is reinvigorated and i have some exciting projects in the works. i overcame my guilt of doing nothing and (slightly) let go of my (rigid) routine. i have a fresh perspective on things; i just did my first reformer pilates class in over two weeks. i used to view my classes as part of my weekly routine, now i feel like i’m acually appreciating my body more and noticing the improvement in my strength and flexbility. there were some challenges, and things have come to light that i know i need to work on… but overall, it’s been a good month.

let me know how your april was!

hugs and kisses,

jade x

🌱 things i learnt in april

1. my energy is contagious. be mindful of the vibe i’m bringing to the table.

2. yelling is counterproductive. take a deep breath and communicate your passion through your words, not with your volume.

3. my emotions are always valid but remember to be strategic with how you react to things. play the long game.

🎨 creativity and consistency (a constant struggle)

i also have random waves of creative energy and then it disappears for what seems like eternity. it doesn’t help that instagram thrives on creating consistent content, so the weight of inactivity feels so much heavier. do other people go through this? i’m interested to know. at a cub sport gig, lead singer @timbonselson shared an anecdote about nature working in cycles. the change of seasons, a caterpillar turning into a butterfly, the phases of the moon. it only makes sense that humans also work in cycles. i try to remember this when i’m feeling sad about not feeling creative.

in my intro, i mentioned that taking a break has revived my excitement to create again. during my month of bedrot, i watched a lot of youtube and found new creators that have given me ideas on content creation… i think i want to start making youtube videos again?

youtubers i’ve been loving

unplanned archive

kel belter

susielola

and of course, indya pearce art!

in my last ig post, i shared my enthusiasm to start doing more art markets. amy of @forge.forward organised one recently and asked me to look after her stall while she did event things.

i really enjoyed talking to all of amy’s customers, asking about their creative practices, laughing at the relatability of amy’s funny bumper stickers. it made me realise that i want to give it a go myself and start making more art to sell. i’ve sent my application for the great artist market and i have all my toes and fingers crossed.

👟 fashion

i treated myself and bought a pair of sneakers i’ve been hunting down for ages - the asics x cecilie bahnsen collab in the colour midnight. i got them from depop and they were brand new, in the box with tags! i spent a little over retail price but still within my budget.

i’ve been wearing them non-stop with my blue emis cap!

🎧 music

tourist’s new album
favourites: lifted out, a little bit further and memory morning

favourite songs featuring piano

📺 tv

dance life

this documentary series follows the top students of Australia's premier dance academy in their relentless pursuit to become professional dancers.

• well produced

• story telling and narrative arcs were compelling, i wanted all the students to succeed!

• close to home (sydney based)

• montage dance scenes were epic

the boys season 1

• wish i had watched sooner

• really enjoyed the show’s social commentary

• revamped super hero/marvel fatigue

• will binge the whole series in may

📰 reading

i’ve been reading the news a lot lately, more so than usual. it started after the bondi junction stabbing. i feel like ron weasley in harry potter and the deathly hallows, constantly listening to the radio, hoping he doesn’t hear any bad news.

✂️ collage kit

this kit is inspired by the feeling of home.

home collage kit

268KB ∙ PDF file

Download

Download

🗓️ may calendar

i want to be more active in may but balance it with a bit of rest and relaxation. hannah montana did say i could have the best of both worlds 😌

it’s finally autumn! the weather is cooling down, thank goodness. i can finally start wearing some of the clothes i bought in seoul.

in my last round up, i mentioned that i was very up and down. i thought this would fade but it stayed and grew stronger. i had a lot of anger and resentment towards work, fought with my boyfriend more times than i would like to admit and struggled to find the fun in things.

my therapist likes to use a cup of water as an analogy for one’s emotional stability. the water representing your emotions, the cup holding it together. as a highly sensitive person, it doesn’t take a lot to fill my cup. it’s something i’m working on but all throughout march, my cup was very full all the time. one tiny thing would cause my cup to overflow, and send me into heightened overdrive. i have never been so unhappy for so long and i think it had a lot had to do with the intense negativity i was harbouring. it began festering in my behaviour and how i treated those around me. it almost cost something very important to me.

i want to feel like myself again so i’m going to prioritise rest… april is my month of rest and relaxation. i will not associate rest with laziness. i will not seek permission to rest. and i will not feel guilty about resting. resting is not doing nothing, it’s allowing my cup to level out. if that looks like bed rotting, watching emergency intercom, playing switch or listening to an audiobook, that’s okay. i deserve to rest now so i can play later.

see you in a fortnight,

jade x

🎧 listening

songs on repeat

harry potter and the deathly hallows part 1 soundtrack

my family has been attending the harry potter film concert series for years. this one is particularly special because deathly hallows part 1 is composed by alexandre desplat who is my favourite composer (he always makes my spotify wrapped). he’s well known for scoring wes anderson movies but harry potter was his big break into hollywood. the orchestra plays the film score live as you watch the movie… it’s very cool!

the jonas brothers

i also saw the jonas brothers live… a concert i dreamed about since a kid! it was so much fun… a lot of mid twenty somethings screaming the songs from the old disney days. it was a really special night with my sister, andrea and wil and i went to work the next day without a voice.

i went to a party that was themed dead trends. inspired by alexa chung and the prime tumblr days, i wore tights under denim shorts, a black choker and my docs. i listened to this playlist on the bus ride to the party and i felt like a teenager again. the nostalgia was beautiful.

🎤 fun

there’s no podcast.

my sister and her friend bought these toy microphones to make their conversations more fun and performative. they talk about their latest life updates but act as though they are recording a podcast, it’s very cute. enthralled by their creativity, i bought one myself and i can assure you that it’s one of the best purchases i’ve made in a while. i come home, pick up the mic and fill everyone (nobody) in - friendship updates, music and movies i love, work gossip but my favourite thing of all is bringing the mic out during vanderpump rules and commenting on everything that’s going down. get yourself a toy microphone and pretend you’re on a podcast, it’s so much fun.

🎞️ instagram

my instagram reel went gangbusters.

it’s a strange feeling because i made this zine thinking it was so niche and specific to me so imagine my surprise when i kept seeing people repost it on their stories. thank you for making me feel less alone in my quest to let go of control.

🍿 watch

couples therapy season one

couples therapy is a documentary series following four couples and their therapy sessions with psychoanalyst Dr Orna Guralnik. this is not fiction. these are real couples inviting viewers into something that is very intimate and personal. i love it.

i discovered the show on the plane back from singapore and immediately wanted to watch it with my boyfriend. we started binging the first season, pausing every few seconds to discuss and analyse. it started a lot of conversations like experiences and feelings we could relate to, the level of empathy and patience we had on certain things, who we thought was in the wrong. my boyfriend and i brought up past fights we had and how similar or different they were to the fighting we saw unravel on screen. it made for a memorable watching experience and i highly recommend couples therapy to anyone who is interested in psychology and relationships.

if you’re in australia, you can watch it for free on sbs viceland.

shiva baby (again)

i spoke about my love for this movie in my last newsletter. to be fair, this is a record… i only watched it once this month.

love lies bleeding

it was good! didn’t love it, didn’t hate it but i enjoyed the ride.

✂️ collage kit

this collage kit is inspired by dreamscapes.

dreamscapes collage kit

411KB ∙ PDF file

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📅 april calendar

thank you for reading! the next round up will be a report on my month of rest and relaxation. fingers crossed i’m less exhausted.

i hope you’re okay… a reminder that okay is not bad, okay is good :)

in my last session, i sent my therapist a succinct agenda of all the topics i wanted to discuss. he said that i have a very methodical way of using words to help process big feelings. i thought, maybe i should put him on this mailing list. obviously i’m kidding… but it would save me a lot of time in our sessions.

i’m excited and nervous this newsletter is out in the world… enjoy!

jade x

content warning: this newsletter mentions disordered eating.

the shower incident

i really like routine, it helps me feel in control. i’m at my best when i can do all my little things; exercising, cooking, vacuuming. lack of routine equals absolute chaos and my anxiety heightens when i lose my sense of control. i discovered this in peak summer heat, when my shower was forcibly removed for three weeks. a part of my routine is to follow the rules: no shoes in the house, clean the kitchen while cooking, but the biggest rule i have is to always shower before bed because that guarantees no outside world in my bed. the bed is a sacrosanct place of rest and it should not be dirty.

the disruption to my routine felt catastrophic. i couldn’t do a lot of the things that would put my mind at ease and i was constantly stressed and on edge. my incessant need for control began manifesting into unhealthy eating habits; counting every bite and avoiding processed foods. i started overexercising, masking it as health and fitness. i wasn’t myself and i think a big part of that was because my apartment didn’t feel like my home.

the three weeks dragged on and i would be lying to you if i said i turned things around and miraculously changed. the anxiety persisted. once my new shower was installed, i deep cleaned my apartment for seven hours and then took a thirty minute shower. i still felt dirty.

the shower incident was a big wake up call and helped me discover parts of me that i would like to understand more and work to improve. i’m not going to change overnight but i can make a start by processing it all (and writing about it in a newsletter, obviously).

collage

movies: control, chaos, conclusion

in times of stress, i mentally scan through my favourite films and analyse the ones that share a similar theme. donnie darko, the tragedy of macbeth and the killing of a sacred deer all follow a protagonist’s desire for control. i like to draw similarities between each of the narratives, pick apart the characters’ motives and determine the impact of the films’ conclusion. during my three weeks of no shower, i thought about these movies a lot and these are my notes:

• the main character wants to control their fate (death is usually at stake)

• there is a supernatural element that cannot be understood or controlled

• urgency for control grows

• chaos!!!

• the main character finally surrenders

• someone dies

i’m not going to die if i’m not in control but sometimes it can feel like the stakes are that high. i want to get better at questioning the level of control i have in my life and create a version of reality where i can let go a bit more and (hopefully) discover something more profound; in the same way donnie, macbeth and steven did.

zine

things i can’t control

i used minna gilligan’s collage kit book to make this zine. thank you andrea for the best christmas present ever! anyone who’s hot will own this book… buy yours now!

rewatching shiva baby excessively

emma seligman’s shiva baby follows a college student who attends a family shiva with her parents and runs into her ex-girlfriend and her sugar daddy. it’s one of my favourite films and i watched it almost every day (truly psychotic behaviour). the ninety-minute film is a dark comedy, but it’s equally claustrophobic and intense.

when my friends choose something to rewatch, it’s usually easy and light-hearted; something like parks and recreation or sex and the city. shiva baby is an agonising rewatch and extremely stressful at times but i find this very comforting. i think it’s because i can anticipate exactly what i will feel and when, which offers a very gratifying sense of control.

of course, me being me, i looked into this more. psychology today explains the different effects we can feel when we rewatch our favourite films:

The Mister Rogers Effect

According to research, repetition works well for adults. Knowing what will happen bestows order and safety, especially during times when our lives feel uncomfortably less controlled.

The Conjuring Effect

When we listen to the same music over and over, we experience what the author Elizabeth Margulis calls “a conjuring power.” Knowing exactly what will happen gives us a sense of personally controlling the outcomes. More generally, in choosing to rewatch, we take control over the stories we experience, the people we see, the feelings we want, and the endings we desire.

Parasocial Relationships

While becoming increasingly familiar with the characters in a series, we may develop satisfying parasocial relationships with these characters. When we rewatch a series or a show, we return to these parasocial relationships, placing ourselves in the presence of especially reliable friends who do what we expect them to.

rewatching shiva baby is something i would categorise as a healthier coping mechanism for my ‘i-don’t-have-control’ anxiety. it’s a high risk, high reward activity: i allow myself to feel anxious during the prickly parts of the movie (i.e. danielle thrown in a group conversation with her parents and her sugar daddy) and i pat myself on the back for getting through it.

to my australian readers, you can watch shiva baby for free on SBS viceland!

planned spontaneity: planning something vague and then letting everything else happen on a whim

in 2019, i went on a girls trip to tokyo. the trip was around the same time i printed my first zine so i was really interested in checking out this shop, mount zine, and learning more about japanese zine culture. my friends weren’t interested so i set out on a solo adventure. i planned one thing that day, visiting mount zine and that was it. the rest of the day would be spent exploring the area and getting lost. here’s what happened:

• on the way to the train station, i bought a big veggie sandwich and ate it in a park.

• the park led me to an art gallery about insects.

• the art gallery had a stamp activity (for kids) - visit nearby landmarks, find the stamp, collect all the stamps, claim a mystery prize. i walked around for an hour collecting stamps and the prize was so worth it… a set of sparkly insect stickers!

• after my stamp adventure, i caught the train to mount zine. it was everything i hoped it would be. the owner, yakari ohtsu, was lovely and she told me about the zine workshops she runs. i bought so many zines that day!

• i then walked through hikawa shrine, it was beautiful.

• i found a strange stretch of shops that looked very european. there was a small canal and gondola. i later discovered it’s a tourist attraction called ‘tokyo’s little europe’.

• found a vintage toy store called hotch potch and bought trolls collectible cards.

• bought convenient store udon for afternoon tea and ate it in a park.

• drank matcha at a century-old tea house while sitting on tatami floors.

• and then i finally trained back to my hotel.

i look back at this day with a lot of sentiment and hope that i can integrate more planned spontaneity in my everyday life. full time-time work means my weekends are very precious so i tend to plan things to a tee. it does not leave room for flexibility. this day in tokyo is a nice reminder that i always receive what is right for me at the perfect time and i don’t always have to organise a plan of attack.

things that help me feel better when i feel like i’m spiralling

1. rewatching shiva baby.

2. holding an ice pack to my forehead. the extreme temperature helps me feel grounded.

3. pilates. i focus on the muscles i’m using and controlling them with each exhale.

4. listening to a film score and following the sheet music.

5. watching a film whilst reading the script. noticing the differences is a reminder that flexibility and change can be a good thing.

photo series: the smallest things

The Sometimes Newsletter

No.197

These days most of us are either constantly overwhelmed or getting very close to being constantly overwhelmed. And for those who do not feel overwhelmed in the slightest, there is usually a price bei…

Read more

3 years ago · 24 likes · 3 comments · Ella Frances Sanders

When the world feels unbearably large and largely out of control, what I’ve found is that there is almost always reassurance and meaning to be found in the smallest of things, in the smallest of beauties.

one of my favourite suburbs in meanjin is new farm. it’s a lavish, inner city, suburban neighbourhood filled with charming queenslander houses and old art deco apartments. on lazy sunday afternoons, i like to walk around mindlessly, appreciate the architecture and observe people passing by. yesterday, i ventured with my polaroid with ella’s words in mind.

last notes

i don’t really have any control over anything, it’s all perceived.

that’s really fucking difficult to let go.

💌 read my previous newsletter here

🙍‍♀️ if you liked this newsletter, then try this one

🎀 monthly round up for february is here

🌳 check out what else i do here

welcome to my first round up of 2024! how was everyone’s february? this month has been very emotional for me. i know that correlation does not imply causation but tell me why it’s been so up and down the month i reinsert my contraceptive implant… yes very interesting.

i loved writing about my travels to south korea. thank you for all the lovely messages and replies. i hope you visit seoul one day too.

i really missed substack and want to keep the ball rolling as long as i can. i’ve found excitement in writing again and i already have some ideas for upcoming editions. as always, replies are on so drop me a line if you have any suggestions or want to collab :)

hoping the heat dissipates in march,

jade x

👗 fashion (right now)

the fashion in seoul was simple yet elevated and had this level of cool i so desperately wanted to incorporate in my style. i didn’t buy a lot, only black and white basic tops with a few statement pants. upon returning home, i felt compelled to clean out my wardrobe (long overdue) and reinvigorate how i dress.

lately, i’ve been wearing minimal colour, either all black or black and white. if i use colour, it’s only a pop of blue. i also wear my emis cap every day.

if i had to describe my style now, it would be seoul inspired corporate chic with a hint of coquette. it’s very capsule wardrobe, all the pieces go with each other and i’m having fun thinking of new combos and ways to style basics.

it’s hard to part ways with all the vintage pieces i’ve collected over the years so i’m going to save those looks for more formal events. although i’m leaning away from the brightly coloured vintage look, i still want to buy second hand clothing, i’m just on the hunt for neutral toned basics.

i feel like i’m entering a new era and that’s come hand in hand with my change in style, making new friends and i think my tattoos have something to do with it as well.

👢 fashion (for not right now)

i’m really looking forward to cooler weather so i can wear the knee high boots i thrifted in seoul. while the weather transitions, i plan to start incorporating shorts with my new boots. here’s what i’ve collated as inspo:

📚 three women by lisa taddeo

my favourite book, i read it every year.

three women is a riveting true story about the sex lives of three real American women, based on nearly a decade of reporting. it’s an international no. 1 bestseller and the tv show adaptation starring shailene woodley, released 16 feb.

i’m currently rereading my copy and i’m confronted by all the annotations i’ve made over the past three years: underlines, exclamation points, circles around words i like or don’t know, i’ve even written the names of men who’ve come in and out of my life next to passages that remind me of them or how they treated me.

it’s a different experience rereading a book, especially one i’ve annotated. i’m reminded of my growth into womanhood, my desires, how i feel about other women and how i feel as a feminist.

i’m completely enraptured by this book (again) and i’m using all my spare time to consume any media with lisa taddeo. here are some favourite things i’ve collated:

• goodreads has a list of lisa taddeo’s kindle notes and highlights where she’s annotated excerpts from three women:

  

  

  

• lisa taddeo - dua lipa: at your service

I think calling a woman pathetic is the most victimizing thing you can do, and it's so weird to me that we continue to do that, that we continue to want this one broad definition of feminism, when really feminism should be about owning each of our own desires and wants and being able to communicate them to one another clearly and without fear of retribution.

• Rachel Uchitel is Not A Madam by Lisa Taddeo

this book means so much to me. thank you chelsea for bringing this wonderful thing into my life. i highly recommend this book. the language is easy to read and i can guarantee that it will have a significant impact on your life.

📺 screen time

vanderpump rules season 11

it’s no secret that i love vanderpump rules.

the wait is finally over… the new season is airing! my besties and i become a united front as we follow the aftermath of scandoval. i truly believe watching reality tv with your girlies makes your friendships stronger. i’ve mentioned it on my ig story before:

i’ve done some reading on why people enjoy reality tv and here are my favourite snippets from articles i’ve enjoyed:

Why People Watch Reality TV by Steven Reiss and James Wiltz

Reality television viewers are more motivated by vengeance than are nonviewers. The desire for vengeance is closely associated with enjoyment of competition (Reiss, 2000a)—in prior psychometric research, the people who said they value and enjoy getting even with others also tended to say they value and enjoy competition. Further, people who avoid conflict, anger, and competition may avoid viewing reality television shows because these shows often portray competition and interpersonal conflict.

Because reality television is widely watched, it is often a topic of discussion at the office. It is not surprising, therefore, that sociable people are significantly more likely than nonsociable people to watch reality televisions, although the differences are small.

Some have questioned the intellectualism of reality television viewers, and others have questioned the physical laziness of people who like to watch television. No support was found for either of these hypotheses. Both viewers and nonviewers were equally motivated by curiosity, and the same was shown for the motive of physical exercise.

Beyond the gossip: Why reality TV is so popular by Elena Escobar Gil

Psychologist María Cartagena of the Serendipia Psicología clinic, told Aceprensa that this is the clearest reason why people enjoy reality TV so much: “The main reason we watch reality TV could very well be rooted in how strongly we identify with, are interested in, or empathize one participant or another.” When reality shows expose someone’s daily life, viewers can put themselves in the situations they see on TV and evaluate what they would do, what they believe would be the best way to act in that scenario, the psychologist pointed out.

let’s talk about vanderpump rules s11e1

• immediate ecstasy from the theme song

• damn, raquel isn’t in it

• vpr KNOWS how to do a montage transition while setting up context and setting

• i NEED to know the brand of push up bra lisa is wearing

• the epileptic edit of ariana dancing overlaid with season 10 raquel and sandoval and the iconic scene of ariana screaming, was pure art (hang it in the lourve now)

• the producers are producing… is it too much though?

🎧 listening

more gelato messina mixes but on soundcloud this time

script apart podcast

📰 substack mentions

Field Trip

A Negroni on a Slow Day

Field Trip is a homebase for the research and references that inform the work and life of designer Lauren Scarlett…

Read more

3 years ago · 8 likes · 2 comments · Lauren Scarlett

📝 diary entry - 4/2/24

i’m really sad for no reason. i’m lying in bed just feeling sad. i miss my boyfriend but at the same time, i’m okay with being alone. i’m drained and too tired for human interaction but i want a presence in the room, someone to lie next to. quitely, they can do their thing and i can do mine.

🌱 things i want to work on

1. communicate my feelings before i get overwhelmed by them.

2. analyse whether a situation is worth putting emotional time and energy.

3. try and be more flexible where you can, planned spontaneity is good.

🦞 food

What do we gain by eating with our hands? by Ligaya Mishan

This may be provocation, a refusal to abide by conventional etiquette and codified gestures, or simply a reminder of the importance of touch. Without cutlery as mediator, we feel everything. The nerve endings in our fingers are triggered; our senses expand. We taste more.

this past month, i went to the same restaurant three times, all with different groups of friends. it’s kind of gimmicky… it’s a cajun-style seafood restaurant and the servers pour a bag of seafood straight onto your table. everyone wears a bib and a pair of gloves and you just go for it. eating suddenly feels so primal: tearing the prawn heads off, hammering the crab shell, clawing meat out of a moreton bay bug. there’s sauce flying everywhere and snot dripping from your nose. you share the entire pile of food with your friends and you bond over the mess in front of you, “i like the peeled prawns over the shelled prawns” “no… you’re sooo crazy for saying that’, “this sauce goes better with the potatoes”, “how do i get to the meat?”, “this is how you eat from the crab claw”. we’re all in this together! the most satisfying part is finishing the meal with a full belly and seeing all the empty shells on the dining table. we all worked really hard for this meal and that definitely made the food tastier!

✂️ collage kit

inspired by three women

collage kit

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🗓️ march calendar

this newsletter was a long one… thank you for sticking around! i had a lot of fun making it. see you in a fortnight x

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i’m back on substack and i’m excited! i finally have that thrill again where i’m keen to share the things that mean a lot to me. this newsletter is all about my recent travels to south korea. enjoy!

jade x

the quick details

• this was a family vacation: dad, mum, sister and i.

• we spent 13 days in south korea. most of our time was spent in seoul but we also visited busan for a weekend trip.

• this was our first time visiting south korea.

• i’m already saving to go back and hopefully in 2025 (for the BTS reunion tour, obviously!)

  ---

my travel journal

i love a good travel journal and i’m really really proud of this one. here are my favourite spreads:

travel journal tips:

1. before your trip, go to a daiso or muji and buy the following:

   • an organiser to safely file any materials you collect.

   • tape glue. it’s mess free and way stronger than stick glue.

   • travel scissors. don’t forget to pack them in your checked in luggage lol.

     

2. if you’re at a tourist attraction, look out for free maps, stamps and stickers. most printed material is double sided so pick up more than one copy. it gives you more content to journal.

3. keep receipts. receipt aesthetic is so cool, but they also contain a lot of information fit for a quick diary entry - the date, time, location (not to mention, super helpful for future budgeting or trying to figure out exactly where your money went).

4. ask for business cards when you visit cafes, shops, museums, galleries, etc. they are a perfect, free memento.

5. you don’t need to write diary entries. with all of my previous travel journals, i would spend hours writing everything that happened in the day. after a full day of sightseeing, i would stay up all night journaling and that would seriously impact my next day of travel. i would get behind on entries and eventually i would lose interest. it’s so much simpler collating and collaging a spread of things you collect. when you go back and flick through your journal, those stickers, receipts, maps and postcards are the things that will spark the memory of where you were at the time, what happened and how you felt. and that’s more than words can describe.

with the tiredness of travel, it can be really challenging to finish a travel journal before you return home. i’ve never actually finished one as of yet. the end of a holiday is when i become super avoidant. i don’t want to remember the good times because it makes me sad to think they aren’t happening anymore. i don’t want to be reminded, not yet.

what a sad way to live and i really want to overcome this silly habit so i’m going to make a commitment to complete my south korea travel journal. i’ll keep you updated.

i made some new friends!

i was walking down a clothing street in hongdae and found a free art gallery. i went upstairs and discovered the current photography exhibition was run by a university student club. everyone was so friendly and showed me around the exhibit while talking about their works.

i asked for everyone’s instagrams and was hoping we would be free to catch up again… and they were! we organised a date and all met at anguk station. we walked to bukchon village and hired traditional hanbok to walk around and take pictures. we then cafe hopped and chatted about what it was like being a young person in seoul vs living in australia. they asked me what my life goals and dreams were which was a really big question to answer on the spot! it was really interesting to hear their answers: photographer, fashion designer, travel. we had tteok-bokki for dinner and then it was time to say goodbye 😔

thank you:
baek juwon - @juwon2312
jeon yijun - @definitely_not_yj
min.lee - @minhyung3924
kim chaehyun - @su.gocalr
lee seunghyeok - @ls.hyeok
kim yeonjoo - @0_y0_0j_4

i really hope i get to see all of you again soon! ㅋㅋㅋ

my first tattoo

i’ve wanted tattoos for ages but couldn’t find a style or artist that i really liked. i’m so glad i waited because i finally found the perfect tattoo artist @piggy_boogy! all of piggy’s work is so jade coded!

i had organised the appointment before i left for seoul. i was a little nervous but as soon as i stepped into the studio and saw VINTAGE TROLL DOLLS, i KNEW it was a SIGN that everything was going to be perfect.

and it was… i love my new tattoos!

thank you, piggy!

romance

seoul is very romantic, the love is abundant! everywhere, couples are holding hands, wearing complimentary outfits, cuddling, whispering to each other. i’m not one for pda but the affection was very endearing to observe: a strong sense of respect for one another but also a hint of playfulness, like a high school crush. i felt sucked into their world, an extra in their big kdrama romance and with that, a loneliness i hadn’t experienced before. for the first time in a long time, i had a longing to have someone by my side, someone to share the world with. it was a strange awareness that was purely instigated by environment because i haven’t had the same feeling since returning home.

new skincare regimen

south korea is the capital of all things skincare. i knew a large portion of my travel budget would be investing in a new skincare regimen. i went to @individuelgeneve_kr_official and had my skin analysed by AI! based on the results, the clinician put together a specific treatment to target my problem areas (my pores!). after the treatment, my skin was so plump and glowy! i also walked away with a long list of products to buy from olive young. sticking to the routine has been difficult and i need to work on consistency but so far i’m really liking all the products, and i walk around with that glassy glow.

photo dump

last notes

i really really enjoyed my time in south korea. everyday i check for flight deals to seoul. i cannot wait to go back and see more, eat more and shop more!

you should absolutely visit south korea.

💌 read my previous newsletter here

🎀 monthly round up for february is coming soon!

🌳 check out what else i do here

it’s lovely to have you here. a special hello to my new subscribers, welcome!

i recently celebrated one more year around the sun!

it was a lovely day (i took annual leave lol), bought a nintendo switch, ate at my favourite vegetarian restaurant, ate korean bbq with my family and then watched the vanderpump rules reunion finale with chels.

since the birthday festivities, i’ve been feeling very nostalgic. i’ve been reminiscing a very specific time in my life, my senior year.

senior year jade was bubbly, quite outgoing, not afraid to talk to new people. she was always looking for more guy friends and an invite to a house party. obsessed with being the alternative girl, she thrifted her clothes, only listened to triple j and began watching more independent films. her biggest challenges at the time were:

• getting to the very front of an all ages cub sport gig

• finding a designated driver for house parties

• choosing the perfect formal dress with matching accessories

• not stumbling on the final music extension performance

she was confident but insecure about her place in this world. her ethnicity bugged her and she often wished she was white.

her hair was very, very long. she was growing it out all year, waiting until after graduation to cut it all off. it was symbolic, her way of letting go, saying goodbye to the place she had spent thirteen years of her life. she cut almost a ruler’s length of hair! her fresh look welcomed her into a new era and it made her feel ready.

this newsletter is dedicated to senior year jade. she’d be so proud of where i am today, she’d be in awe!

here’s to feeling nostalgic on your birthday. stay sparkly,

jade x

lorde dedication

i think we all have that lorde memory.

for me it’s driving around the suburbs at night with my best friend chels. lorde is blasting the speakers. we’ve just graduated high school, we have nowhere to be, we just drive around. our life is in front of us. we didn’t know what it looked like but we knew we had each other and we also knew we had lorde and that felt like more than enough!

looking back, it was such a special time; not yet broken by adulthood, we were ready to tackle the world head on. a sweet naivety that i don’t think i’ll ever feel again.

i would love to read your lorde memories - reply back with yours!

The song ends with a frustrating notion, that our childhood ‘will never be enough’. In the end, we have to leave our comfort and ease to move forward. The song fades out the same way as it fades in at the beginning, functioning as a farewell, gesturing us into the adulthood.

How Ribs Has Become the Magnum Opus of Lorde’s Discography
By Camikara Yuwono

submission by Indya Pearce

Nostalgia and childhood are like Shakespeare’s ‘A Midsummer Night’s Dream.’ It’s blurry, sentimental, silly and its got fairies in it. (If you didn’t believe in fairies as a child then were you even a child?)

This work explores friendship and nostalgia, through my relationship to one of my closest friends. It touches on our collective memory, and multi-experiential childhood narratives focusing on a primary school play together. There is this unique experience when you are so close with someone as a child, then you part with them for a long time, until finally, you meet again one day as adults. In your mind, this person took one very large leap over the magical boundaries from childhood to adulthood. It’s funny to think back on how embarrassing we were as children but to also remember all the playful, naïve and innately joyful experiences made.

I am deeply reminiscent of those moments of childhood bliss with her, and I know that we can and must recreate them as adults to nurture our inner child together. Especially, because we don’t even realise that the memories we make in the present will be nostalgia in ten, fifteen or twenty years. This painting serves as a reminder to be silly and dance and dress up and be messy. These actions turn into inner healing and ultimately create nostalgia for years to come.

Ps. I still believe in fairies.

Indya Pearce is a visual artist practicing in Meanjin (Brisbane), Australia working across multiple disciplines such as painting, photography, drawing and textiles. Majority of her subject matter features oil painted faces and bodies, generally depicted through vibrant, surrealistic colours. Her works address concepts surrounding body image, relationships, identity and self-worth. She is also strongly inspired by film, cinematography and mythology.

you can find indya here:
ig: @indyapearce.art
youtube: subscribe to indya’s youtube here!

movies i watched for the first time in my senior year that changed my brain chemistry

• Me, Earl and the Dying Girl (2015)

• The Spectacular Now (2013)

• Colossal (2016)

• Nocturnal Animals (2016)

• Nerve (2016)

• Donnie Darko (2001)

• Arrival (2016)

• The Virgin Suicides (1999)

music i listened to in my senior year

collage kit - senior year

my dad would buy me a copy of the latest frankie mag every time he would return from a business trip. i hardly read them anymore so i’ve repurposed them for collaging. enjoy the kit!

collage kit - senior year

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reading

media that were bible to me

1. Rookie

   

   founded by tavi gevinson when she was only fifteen, rookie mag was everything to me. it was there for me when i needed advice, it was how i found collage, it provided comfort for anything i was going through. i used the search bar religiously, typing all sorts of things: ‘how to find a boyfriend’, ‘fighting with my mum’, ‘collage kit’, ‘feeling lonely’, ‘i have a crush’. i miss it dearly, thank goodness it’s archived! i still have it bookmarked in my favourites and i visit it from time to time. thank you tavi for making something that helped me become the creative i am today.

2. Yen Magazine

   

   sadly, another piece of discontinued media. yen magazine was a mix of frankie and rookie. every two months, i would buy the magazine at my local news agency and carry it in my tote bag until the next issue was released. i’ve found old issues of yen at op shops and flea markets and it makes me jump with excitement. it’s like finding buried treasure! the last flea market i went to, i found the issue with tavi gevinson on the cover - it was a miracle!

   

things i would tell my younger self

1. you are not surrounded by many people that look like you and that will make you feel displaced. that’s okay. do not blame your ethnicity for that. look for belonging in your role models - yasmin suteja, communitychannel and furrylittlepeach.

2. acne is not as bad as you think it is. start using the ordinary now!

3. do not measure success with your report card. let that shit go and have more fun.

4. your first music festival will be something you reminisce about to this day.

5. you don’t need to be the loudest person in the room. listen more.

6. that overwhelming feeling you get is called anxiety. go see a therapist.

7. play pretend and imagination with your sister more. there will come a day she will stop playing with her toy figurines and that will make you sad.

8. you will get invited to a boy’s formal. stop stressing about it.

9. other people in your grade will start having sex and that’s none of your business.

10. seek advice from your mum. she’s there for you no matter what.

11. schoolies is a waste of money.

12. don’t hate your school so much. yeah, the principal sucked and the school was problematic at times. stop harping on the negatives and spend more time with your friends and the teachers who have your back.

photos from senior year

last notes

nostalgia is so bitter sweet.

god, i miss house parties.

💌 read my previous newsletter here

🐇 monthly round up for june is here

🌳 check out what else i do here

remember! - i have replies turned on so please let me know what you thought of the newsletter or any ideas for upcoming themes. i’m also open to submissions. if you have something you would like to share, let’s get in touch!

well, we’re 50% done with 2023 and honestly, i’m ready for 2024. bring her here now!

thank you so much for all the love on the last newsletter. i received some lovely replies and it’s the best performing newsletter i’ve put out, so thank you. we can all be lonely together 😊.

gemini season is almost over kids, hang in there!

kisses,

jade x

📻 music

my friend tallulah and i went to messina for a cheeky gelato and ended up dancing our little tooshies off while we waited in line (there’s always a line). not only is the gelato delicious, so are the tunes and honestly we’d go back just for a boogie.

it took me ages to find a spotify playlist that had the same groove… finally found this one and i play it all the time.

if i organised a music festival, this is what the lineup would look like.

can’t a woman want it all?

ever since i was introduced to young nut in cody ko’s reaction to the jubilee rizz video and then later coming on as a guest on cody’s channel… i’ve started crushing on nut.

i realise that sentence probably sounds like i’ve put a bunch of random words together. scroll down to the youtube video section and you can see what i’m talking about 😏.

🍿 movies

Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse (2023) ⭐⭐⭐⭐

Sex and the City (2008) ⭐⭐⭐

(500) Days of Summer (2009) ⭐⭐

The Perks of Being a Wallflower (2012) ⭐⭐⭐

Lady Bird (2017) ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

Josie and the Pussycats (2001) ⭐⭐⭐⭐

High School Musical 2 (2007) ⭐⭐⭐

Freaky Friday (2003) ⭐⭐⭐⭐

if you’re a letterboxd girly, you can follow me @sadolivegirl
(bonus points if you know the movie my username references)

📺 tv shows

The Bear (S1) ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
obsessed. loved it all - story, writing, editing. fell in love with the characters and were rooting for them all. learnt a lot and in the most entertaining way possible. i really admire how kitchens are run - communication, briefing and debriefing, respect for your colleagues. cannot wait for season 2!

Fboy Island Australia ⭐⭐⭐
really fun at the start but then lost a bit of interest (haven’t even watched the finale yet). as a first season of a new reality tv show, i think it was entertaining and i hope they do a second season and iron out the bumps. really enjoyed watching abbie chatfield as a host!

📹 youtube

funny:

creative:

📖 reading

1. Why You Should Write by

Field Trip

Why You Should Write

Field Trip is a homebase for the research and references that inform the work and life of designer Lauren Scarlett…

Read more

3 years ago · 8 likes · 5 comments · Lauren Scarlett

2. The Social Media Rat Race by

Glue's Letter

The Social Media Rat Race

Hey Friends it's wild that I have written an issue basically every week for almost 2 years! This has been a commitment to working on Saturday for a few hours each week so with that being said I decided to turn on a PAID option for the newsletter. I plan on always keeping this newsletter free, but if you want to support your boy for all his hard work, then…

Read more

3 years ago · 10 likes · 11 comments · Jesse Nyberg

3. Repeller

   found this website when i was reading old posts. i’m obsessed! sad they aren’t updating the site anymore but there’s more than enough content for me to get through.

4. Crying in H Mart by Michelle Zauner

   borrowed from andrea (hi queen)

💅 material girl

i’ve been wearing all black this week. clearly in my witchy, emo phase. i think it’s because there’s a lot of change happening in my life and maybe i’m mourning old rituals. mmm 🤔.

💫 highlights

glenny’s garage

i did another market and sold prints, totes, t-shirts and trinket dishes!

it was very heartwarming to have people buy things that i made, like wow! i enjoyed chatting to everyone i met, thank you for coming up to say hello.

shoutout to the lovely @sunthruthewindow who had one of my collages as a screensaver and asked when the next newsletter was coming out. thank you for making my day and buying a print! i cannot wait to see what you do with your ceramics 💖.

thoughts - i would like to start an online shop but i’m not quite sure yet… would that appeal to anyone?

😬 memes

📸 photo dump

june was good - a bit chaotic. very much 📈📉📈📉.

july is going to bring a lot of change for me which i’m nervous about but i guess it’s an opportunity to grow… 🥴…

next newsletter theme is nostalgia and it’s coming out monday 10 july.

see you then!

ps - try checking out the newsletter on a laptop browser. the images look better on there 😄

Read jade | @chubbycalico_ in the Substack app

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Get the app

thank you for your patience! i know this newsletter is very late. i’ve actually had it drafted for weeks, ready to be published but i’ve been really putting it off. i know my avoidance is due to the fact that this edition is very personal and i’m terrified to admit i’ve been lonely. my sister told me that one of her friends reads my newsletters and it’s like reading my diary. well babes, strap in cause this one’s real.

🚬

for the first time in my adult life, i am feeling loneliness in all of its weight. i’m doing a lot more things solo, eating at fancy restaurants, rocking up to events without a date, going to the movies. when loneliness is on your side, it can be exciting, promising, liberating! you rely on yourself for good company, to make memories on your own.

when i’m out on a solo date, i notice the world around me more. i people watch, listen to their conversations, imagine what their lives are like and for a moment, it’s me and the world, and i’m happy-lonely!

then the sun sets and the romance dissipates. i’m overcome with deep sadness and everything is nothing. i feel betrayed! all my efforts in making loneliness work for me have evaporated and i’m sad-alone.

the past few weeks have been a learning curve. in the moments of sad-alone, i remind myself that if i can do this, sit in the uncomfortable and push through, then i can do anything, because it was me and only me who got me to the other side. it’s very challenging but the reward is well deserved and causes for celebration.

this fortnight’s newsletter is a manual to help me push through the sad-alone. i’ve been collating my favourite media, jotting down my feelings, making note of the things that provide comfort. i hope it can be something you turn to if you feel lonely.

so yes, that’s been my life for the past few weeks. thank you for reading!

lots of love,

jade x

movies

watching other lonely people is very comforting. we can be lonely together!

1. Her (2013)

2. Edward Scissorhands (1990)

3. Wild (2014)

4. Lost in Translation (2003)

5. The Lobster (2015)

i recently had the privilege of listening to a symphony orchestra play film composer danny elfman’s main theme and ice dance from Edward Scissorhands and it made me think of this scene.

although together, there’s a sense of loneliness that remains, even when edward holds kim. heartbreaking.

you know me, i already collaged the quote, and it’s probably one of my favourite collages… ever.

On Loneliness by Em Readman

I moved to Perth from Brisbane almost a year ago. I only knew a handful of people in the city, family being most of them. Since moving, I’ve spent a lot of time alone. I’ve been alone in cafes, in the bath, in parks, in the driver’s seat of my car. It comes with the territory of pulling the trigger and moving this far away. I know now that this is why I did it. At the time, the only truth I held was that I knew I had to go. I was left with the barrel of a warm gun after that shot rang out, the shot being zipping suitcases closed and letting go of friends’ hands for the last time, the warmth being an expansion of what I thought was possible, and the knowledge I could do it on my own. I could and did. The past year has been an expedition in aloneness.

I miss SunnyBoy ice blocks. With that obscure shape, the ones where the best flavour was raspberry. We used to have them after school swimming classes. I have a memory of classmates huddled in groups under towels with goggles suctioned on their foreheads. I remember being surrounded by those people and feeling lonely. That feeling came back when I turned twenty. I felt lonely at the kitchen counter, my bed was full and empty at the same time. I was looked at, but not seen. I was surrounded, but lonely. In fairness, I didn’t feel like that all the time. I have beautiful, treasured friends in Brisbane who I could not live without, and I have never felt lonely around them. I cannot deny that I felt lonely so often, and that I hated it. Sometimes I would try and get away from it by packing my calendar to the brim, but it doesn’t work that way. Loneliness is something bigger than that, it cannot be permanently relieved with the physical presence alone. I achieved proximity with that technique, but not closeness, not comfort. There’s a deeper shift needed to balance the scales.

Being alone was the antithesis of what most people wanted coming out of a lengthy pandemic, but when I got to Perth it was the first chance I’d had to be alone in years. I bought pints and drank them after a swim, this summer, a different ocean. I went to places I’d seen online, just because they looked nice. I cooked for myself and slept well. For almost four months I mostly spent time alone, partially because I was reconciling with a massive shift in how I thought my life would go previously, and partially because it was the first time in a long time I’d had a completely new experience. Being alone and enjoying it was new. I got close with myself in a way I had never allowed myself to be before. I started to regard myself as a person worth knowing deeply.

My day feels full if a Saturday is spent on my own. It never used to but I’m so glad it does now. I have explored a lot of this city solo, met people, kept them close, but I still relish that time I spend by myself more than I ever did when I lived back on the east coast. I have often been alone in Perth but I felt lonely in Brisbane. I don’t think this is reflective of Brisbane’s worth in my eyes, but instead it’s reflective of my growth.

There is a conversation to be had about the difference between loneliness and being alone. There is not one definite answer about how to be alone and not feel lonely, but there is an opportunity for everyone to interrogate how each one feels deep in the chest, nestled between breath and heartbeat. Being alone and loneliness do not have to go hand in hand. I took a chance to unclasp my fingers, to not hold on, to leave my hands empty and see if that made them feel full.

💐

Em Readman is a queer writer who lives in Perth. They've been published in Aniko Press, the Suburban Review and others.

Excerpt from Someday I’ll Love by Ocean Vuong

& remember,
loneliness is still time spent
with the world.

Read the full poem here

thank you chelsea for sending me this poem when you did. i hold these words very close to me.

reading

1. How to Be Alone by Krista Burton

2. Alone in a Crowd by Upasna Barath

3. in conversation with myself by

   internet princess

   in conversation with myself

   CW: detailed discussions of mental illness and brief mention of suicide. i can’t sleep, most nights. particularly recently. my boyfriend is an early riser with a physical labour job who prefers to be in bed before midnight — fuck him!!!!— which means that until around 4 or 5 am nearly every day, i live in my head, grounded only by the spring rain pitter…

   Read more

   4 years ago · 717 likes · 46 comments · rayne fisher-quann

4. Tiny Revolutions №6: The Ecstatic by

   Tiny Revolutions

   Tiny Revolutions №6: The Ecstatic

   I’ve been thinking a lot about loneliness lately. It’s a topic I’ve been avoiding here because it’s scary. Loneliness. The new L word, I’d argue. A condition that most people are too ashamed to talk about, because who wants to attach that label to themselves…

   Read more

   8 years ago · 6 likes · Sara Campbell

5. Tiny Revolutions №21: The Lonely City by

   Tiny Revolutions

   Tiny Revolutions №21: The Lonely City

   Hi, I’m Sara, and this is Tiny Revolutions, a newsletter with personal writing and links about about the practice of staying mentally healthy. I’d love to hear from you, so reply anytime and let me know what you think! It’s been a few weeks since I returned from Minnesota to LA, and therefore from living with people to living alone again…

   Read more

   6 years ago · 5 likes · Sara Campbell

podcasts

for when i want it to be less quiet.

1. emergency intercom

2. asian glow podcast

music

1. favourite lyrics

   i love finding patterns in things. i’ve noticed that a lot of the songs i have on repeat have some sort of reference to fire and feeling on fire. it’s a nice little confidence boost for when i’m sitting alone in a cafe, being all mysterious.

2. my main character playlist

   you are the main character of your own a24 movie and everyone else is just there to push along your narrative, duh.

something to consider

use loneliness as a push to meet new people?

lol

for the first time, i finished watching satc the whole way through and this is the last thing carrie says in the series finale.

carrie: but the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all…
is the one you have with yourself.

wild, she ain’t wrong.

last notes

gotta get through sad-alone to appreciate happy-lonely.

this is my time, it’s precious, so why wouldn’t i want to spend it with myself?

💌 read my previous newsletter here

🐇 monthly round up for may is here

🌳 check out what else i do here

ps - for the first time i’ve turned on replies so if you email me back, i’ll see it! if you have any thoughts on this issue of the newsletter or ideas for upcoming editions, please let me know. i’m also open to submissions. if you have something you would like to share, let’s get in touch!

another one bites the dust. another month to rip off our calendars.

may was a very main character month for me. lots of time with myself, doing things solo, relying on myself for company… overall coming to terms with loneliness and feeling comfortable sitting in it. i’ve learnt that it can feel really romantic at times, but it can also be deeply isolating and sad. i’ll be speaking a lot more on this in the next edition of the newsletter, which will be dropping on monday.

we’re back on the round ups! a substack tradition! selfishly, they are really just for me… a digital collage of everything i consumed and enjoyed the past month. from said it best in their last round up:

and so here we are, conforming to a substack tradition not only because i’m proud of what i consume and love and think about, but also because i find it to be a really fascinating post-lockdown era ritual: we want to remember the things we enjoy in the face of adversity, regardless of outcome. we just want to remember.

so here i am remembering.

lots of love,

jade x

📻 music

bleeps and bloops seem to be my default at the moment: on the bus, in the shower, while working.

i was a big flume fan in high school, dropped off for a bit, but then got back on the train when he surprised us with two mixtapes of unreleased music, both dropping within the past few months. the mixtapes include songs that didn’t make the cut on any of his albums.

a few reasons why i’m a big fan:

• with each listen, i like to imagine why flume didn’t include the tracks in his albums. what persuaded him to abandon the file and leave it as an [Export wav] on his computer?

• i like how some of the tracks fall in between the style of two different albums.

• nostalgia. new songs that flume made back in 2012, yes please!

• the surprise of new, unreleased music. there was hardly any PR or marketing leading up to the release. it felt very disruptive and a nice break from the usual ‘new releases’ campaign.

• the album artwork for each track and accompanying video montage on spotify.

i don’t love every song but these are the ones i’ve had on repeat:

🍿 movies

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 (2023) ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

I Want You Back (2022) ⭐⭐⭐⭐

Licorice Pizza (2021) ⭐

📺 tv shows

Vanderpump Rules (S9 and S10)

i’ve watched each episode at least 10 times.

some quick thoughts:

• beach don’t kill my vibe is my fav episode of s10, followed by something about her

• scandoval was everything i wanted and more

• reunion part 1 was very messy…

Tiny Beautiful Things (S1)

haven’t finished but enjoying it so far.

episode three with the horses made me cry a lot because it reminded me of my mum.

🎟️ live shows

abbie chatfield: the trauma dump tour 2023

on impulse, i bought last minute tickets and took myself out on a solo date to see @abbiechatfield live!

i really really enjoyed myself! abbie is a star and she has a great personality for a live show, equally funny and goofy whilst also tackling very serious, vulnerable topics. when she titled the show trauma dump… she was not lying.

i thought the show was well written, i learnt a lot from what she had to say but the thing i enjoyed the most was the audience. there was this incredible, shared collective feeling of laughter, tears, gasps. i was sitting alone, but i felt so connected to everyone in the theatre, something i haven’t previously experienced at a show before. it’s a testament to abbie and the voice she has in australian media, her openness and vulnerability towards sexuality, pleasure, relationships; it attracted an incredibly warm audience.

check out abbie’s podcast here. my favourite episode this month was the one she did with sex advice columnist dan savage.

mallrat

the princess of brisbane was back in her hometown and finally we got to hear some songs from butterfly blue! grace absolutely killed it! i had a lot of fun singing your love and dancing with chels. everyone singing charlie was also a tear jerker. it was a memorable night out!

💅🏼 material girl

only two things in my shopping cart that i want:

1. this stray rats scarf

   

2. brown, home made balaclava to match. something like this:

   

   balaclavas haven’t taken off here in brisneyland. but mark my words, they will. and i have proof right here, that i was ahead of the trend.

🎡 miscellaneous

the need for a rebrand: i’ve wanted tooth gems for ages… and i got them. i really like them, however, my mum doesn’t. oh well, you win some you lose most. i’m also getting my hair done this weekend and i’m thinking a mia pulp fiction long bob. whenever i have the desire to change my appearance, it’s always because i want to mark a new era. i told you may was very main character. check out my rebrand pinterest here. will do a soft launch of the rebrand on my ig lol.

feeling very clucky: the desire to be a mum is very strong at the moment. i catch myself yearning for something to swaddle, a little human that looks like me. i thought maybe this was just a phase… well it’s been a few months now and it hasn’t gone away. in fact it’s kinda gotten stronger. not sure what that’s about…

📸 photo dump

✂️ collage

i tried this new thing where i gave myself only 5 mins to collage something. this is what happened…

not my best but not my worst! it was a fun little exercise nonetheless.

oh and fyi, these collages are made using collage kits i posted in may’s newsletters. download them here and here and use them to make your own collages!

main character may… overall it has been a very reflective month.

the next newsletter will center around loneliness. it’ll be landing in your inbox on monday (hopefully).

catch you then!

the seasons are starting to change, it’s beginning to transition into winter. the sun is setting earlier and the nights are getting cooler. i kinda like it! what i don’t like is that we’re almost halfway through the year. 2023 has gone by quickly! a lot has happened in my year so far: a break up, settling into a new home, figuring out work/life balance, friendship challenges, so yes, a lot to reflect on! my therapist says i’m quite the reflective person and i think my collages would agree with his theory… reflection has helped with my empathy and growth but it can also send me into an overthinking spiral, probably because i spend a lot of time thinking about my flaws. if i’m self aware enough to realise them, i feel a sense of guilt when i don’t try to fix them. i’m a believer that things will repeat itself if you don’t learn from it the first time. if something a bit shit happens more than once, i can’t help but think it’s a pattern. it’s time to start looking within. so, this fortnight’s newsletter is an amalgamation of conversations i’ve had with friends, collages i’ve made, favourite song lyrics - all things that make me feel more sane because i know there are others out there who think in a similar way. thank you for your time!

jade x

collage

hamartia: a fatal flaw leading to the downfall of a tragic hero or heroine.

i don’t really ask the question for the answer, i mean that part can be interesting, but it’s more about how the person answers the question. if they pause to think about their answer, i get excited because i can see their taking a minute to self-reflect. and idk that’s kinda sexy.

conversations with friends

it’s ironic that your self-awareness means realising others aren’t - amy crow

a really fucking amazing realisation that amy had when i was ranting about a friend who keeps finding themselves in the same predicaments over and over but doesn’t do anything to change their behaviour. we really bonded through frustration that day! i haven’t figured out how to approach my friend as i tend to shy away from ‘difficult’ conversations, but maybe this is a lesson for me, an opportunity to get better at handling sensitive chats with friends.

collage kit - repurpose and reflection

i don’t really post my film pics to ig anymore. the photos sit on my computer and hardly see the light of day, so i decided to repurpose them and give them new life. putting it together was quite the reflective exercise. i remembered old friends, eras of my past self and places i’ve been on my travels. enjoy!

collage kit - repurpose and reflection

786KB ∙ PDF file

Download

Download

quote

📺 veronica mars (s4 e7)

do character flaws count less if you’re self aware about them? - veronica mars

i wrote this quote down ages ago, when season four had just come out and it’s stayed with me since. while i like to think i can take a little credit for knowing some of my flaws, i’m not going to grow as a person if i don’t try to work on them. it’s not fucking easy i can tell you that but i have learnt that talking about your flaws with close friends can be helpful. so when there is a time where i’m out of line and my flaws bubble to the surface, i have my friends to gently put me in my place. they only want the best for me after all 🥰.

reading (kind of academic but an easy read)

What Self-Awareness Really Is (and How to Cultivate It)
By Tasha Eurich
2018

in my ‘extensive’ research on this topic, i read this research paper published by harvard business review. the author conducted multiple surveys and interviews and the data taken from the results led to some very fascinating conclusions. here are my favourite takeaways:

• self-awareness isn’t one truth. it’s a delicate balance of two distinct, even competing, viewpoints.

• people who improved their external self-awareness did so by seeking out feedback from loving critics.

• ‘why’ is a surprisingly ineffective self-awareness question as we tend to invent answers that feel true but are often wrong.

• instead, we should ask ‘what’. it helps one stay objective, future-focused, and empowered to act on our new insights.

music

lyrics have a way of jumping out at you depending on what’s going on in your life. they take on new meaning and sometimes, you feel them more deeply than you did before. these are the lyrics that have been on my mind lately:

reflection

things i would like to work on:

1. avoid taking my frustration out on people around me, it’s not their problem i’m in a shit mood

2. listen more, give your full attention, be mindful when you start to daydream

3. patience, slow down, not everything is a sprint

lol

what’s a newsletter without some vanderpump rules content? fuck, i’m so excited for the season finale and THREE part reunion… reality tv show art.

last notes

i’ve realised that these newsletters are becoming a digital collage of mixed media things that all centre around something i’m going through, and i think that’s kinda cool.

on a lighter note hehe, what’s your hamartia?

💌 read my previous newsletter here

🐀 monthly round up for may is here!

🌳 check out what else i do here

it has indeed been a few months since you last heard from me. how are you? hehe okay cool, now back to me… look, i’m doing okay! not the best but also not the worst. lots of things have changed in my life, new home, new routines, new perspectives.

i wasn’t really sure if i was going to continue with the newsletter. i didn’t feel compelled or motivated to write. usually, this sort of thing would stress me out:

• will i ever go back to the newsletter?

• have i flushed everything i’ve worked for down the toilet because i wasn’t ‘feeling it’?

• what if i flop when i return?

it’s easy to spiral into a million questions, to enter that creative uncertainty… but idk, i just didn’t feel like putting the newsletter together, so i didn’t. it felt good to just be. i’m lucky that this newsletter is a hobby, the stakes aren’t high, so i can come back when i’m ready and if it’s time to let it go, that’s okay too.

i mean, the receipts are there, i said this in my last newsletter back in nov 2022:

hopefully i’ll see you in a fortnight, it would be awesome to stay consistent with this, i really enjoy putting these newsletters together.

so this time, i’ll leave you with this:

i enjoyed putting this edition of the newsletter together and i’m really proud of it. let’s see what happens next!

thanks for sticking around,

jade x

p.s. shout out to my bestie @forge.forward, aka amy crow, who gave me the wave of inspiration to get back on the newsletter train.

amy puts together incredible newsletters - check them out here.

she also sells dope shit like stickers, t-shirts and prints - check those out here.

wallpapers

👀 looks like you need a new wallpaper… go on… say i claim! and redecorate your wallpaper with one of these bad boys.

to download, click the image, it should open a webpage, hold down on the image or right click and click ‘save to photos’

if you’re having trouble, i’ll put them on my instagram story later today and add them to my ‘wallpaper’ highlights 🥰

thoughts

while i’ve been away from the newsletter, i used instagram a lot less and i even took a step back from collaging. it wasn’t even one of those ‘i’m taking a break from social media’ things, i just wasn’t interested in using the app. it was the same with collaging. i didn’t feel like riding that wave so i didn’t. for the first time, i didn’t over analyse it. i just went with how i was feeling at the time. my enjoyment for collaging will always be there, and i guess i trusted that the feeling to want to go back would come at the right time.

media i’ve been consuming

more silly/goofy, less artsy/creative content.

📺 vanderpump rules (s9 and s10)

shout out to my bestie chels for getting me into this beautiful documentary series on how to be a good friend! kidding, vanderpump rules is the trashiest reality tv show there is… and i love it!!! the things that come out of these people’s mouths could never be written by any sort of professional writer. i think my favourite quote was when dj james kennedy said something along the lines of:

the most romantic place in the world is the coachella rave tent!!!

he said that unprovoked and it was NOT a bit, he was dead serious. you can’t make this shit up! chels and i will always debrief via call after every new episode, usually chatting for over an hour, dissecting EVERYTHING. i think abbie chatfield said it best on her ig story:

it’s true, chels and i are just talking politics, duh!

🎬 angus, thongs and perfect snogging (2008)

i’ve watched this movie enough times, i can recite the entire script shamelessly.

i think about these quotes a lot:

• if you haven't noticed i am a woman now. i wear a bra!

• phwoar, they are sex gods!

• i'm not boylingual yet

• libby! stop putting angus in the fridge

• i fort u was difrent jawja

⏯️ mike’s mic on youtube

i can count on this man to make me chuckle, no matter how grumpy i am.

i don’t have synaesthesia but if i did, it would be this budget version.

mike also does very good recap videos on nostalgic movies and tv, these are my fave:

collage kit - fun!

download it, print it, make collages with it. if you post your collages on ig, you know i wanna see them, so tag me duh @chubbycalico_ !

collage kit - fun!

1.19MB ∙ PDF file

Download

Download

collage

one of the first collages i did that wasn’t made as ig content. is it a good collage? nah. that’s why i’m posting it here and not ig lol. there is something freeing about putting out work that you don’t really love. it grounds me into reality - i won’t love everything i make. there’s a line in one of my favourite plays, drizzle boy - “okay is good.”

quote

i refer to this round table a lot - a group of talented, funny women who listen to each other and talk about their shared experiences in the entertainment industry. when asked about their career peaks and valleys, alex borstein (the marvellous mrs maisel, family guy, the lizzie mcguire movie) had this to say:

i think people forget that on the other side of a peak can also be a really amazing plateau

this was always in the back of my mind during my time away from creativity and it provided a lot of comfort 😌

last notes

taking a break from being creative was actually really nice.

remember, okay is still good!

💌 read my previous newsletter here

🐀 monthly round up for may is here!

🌳 check out what else i do here

i’m back baby!

lots of stuff happening in my little world, my routine kept reshuffling and i needed to sort some shit out before starting this newsletter again. thanks for sticking around, and thank you to those who subscribed while i was on hiatus. sorry it took so long to get something in your inbox.

for the past few months, i’ve been thinking a lot about motherhood. most of the time, it’s just entertaining questions i have:

• would i be a good mother?

• what would i look like as a mother?

• do i have any maternal instincts?

• do i even want to be a mother?

i’m not at the point in my life where i’m ready to birth a child into this world, but i catch myself daydreaming and picturing myself as a mother. a new identity.

i tried to google what this feeling was, if it meant anything but my searches didn’t come up with anything useful. some of the articles that came up were:

• Are you ever ‘ready’ to have a baby?

• I’m not ‘ready’ for kids. Here’s why I’m choosing to have them anyway.

• There’s never a ‘right’ time for a baby - but these questions can help you decide.

i answered the questions in the article and i was shocked to see that yes, it was confirmed, i’m ready to have a baby…

feeling even more confused, i gathered these feelings and collaged them (surprise, surprise). i was a bit reluctant to post them, motherhood seemed like a really random and intimate theme to share but i posted them anyway. a lot of the comments seemed to share the same feeling - imagining motherhood but not seriously considering it yet. it was comforting to see other humans were going through something similar, asking themselves the same questions.

i guess i’m a mother in a lot of other ways, a mother to my creativity, a mother to my house plants, i’m just not ready to be a mother mother yet.

hopefully i’ll see you in a fortnight, it would be awesome to stay consistent with this, i really enjoy putting these newsletters together.

warm wishes,

jade x

collages

bit of a different style to my previous collages but i’m enjoying this journal-like style. can’t wait to see what it evolves into.

collage behind the scenes

yes, i will absolutely plug my new youtube video.

about the vid: i took some pics using toy cameras, my fanta shaped 35mm camera and my trolls camcorder i bought at a kids toys store. i took the same photo on each camera to see how they would compare. walking around beachside suburbia is what pulled me down the motherhood spiral. something about imagining life as a mother, chasing my kid around the front yard of my white picket fenced house.

at 2:20 is where the time lapse begins and you can see how i configured the two collages above.

hope you like it!

collage kit - toy cameras

i compiled some of my favourite images from the vlog above. feel free to collage with them and tag me in anything you create and post @chubbycalico_

collage kit - toy cameras

7.25MB ∙ PDF file

Download

Download

movies

lately, these movies have been hitting different. watching them for the first time, i was relating a lot to the daughter (usually protagonist) but now i can’t help but pay more attention to the mothers…

1. Lady Bird (2017)

2. The Lost Daughter (2021)

3. Hereditary (2018)

4. Mama Mia (2008)

5. Room (2015)

6. Freaky Friday (2003)

last notes

i’m not ready to be a mother, but having fun imagining what it could look like.

here’s to staying consistent with creative projects.

💌 read my last newsletter here

🐀 read my first monthly round up here

🌳 check out what else i do here

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