Hey you,

Remember when you believed that it was until you prayed for 6hrs consistently, that you could be close to God?

You were burning with passion for God and you were desperate about doing all that God had ordained for you. You wanted to press deep into God for power because it was important for the manifestation of your prophetic destiny.

So, you and your sister, decided to go on a 3days dry fast at the beginning of every month, and do a 6hrs prayer charge weekly.

Both of you started the journey excitedly, but it didn’t take too long before you two became tired, and started feeling like something was wrong.

You didn’t give up though, you wanted to be intimate with God and that was the only way you knew how to.

But 3 years later, you’ve realized that intimacy with God is not dramatic but simple

Praying 6hours weekly or embarking on 3days dry fast monthly, is not a bad thing. In fact, such spiritual exercises are encouraged for continuous alignment with God. They help us grow in our walk with God.

However, the problem was not that you prayed 6hours or fasted 3days dry. It was the intention behind it and the way you went about it.

First of all, you were still trying to be consistent in your devotion with God. Secondly, you had not even practiced weekly fasting but jumped straight to 3days dry. You had not built the capacity for what you were asking for, through consistency.

Also, what you wanted was power. The dramatic kind, the one that made people fall on the floor when you were praying. You also wanted other things but the major reason for seeking Him was power, and not because you love Him.

If you continued down that road, you would have tilted towards an extreme which is not the will of God for you. You began to learn that in as much as God desires to give you power, He wants you to seek His heart.

Seek ye the kingdom of God first and all other things shall be added to you. The kingdom of God is God’s heart, it is God’s will. Power is one of the “all other things” which shall be added to you. God doesn’t want His children to be weak and powerless. His desire for them is to have authority to trample upon serpents and scorpions.

However, God is not a means to an end. You realized that seeking God for power only, is as good as seeking Him only for material things. When a person only seeks God for power, they can go to any length to get it even though it displeases the Lord.

You learnt that when you seek God for His heart and because you love Him, by Himself, He starts to reveal things to you. He also starts to entrust you with certain responsibilities which may be healing the sick, deliverance for His people, and so on.

God is first interested in the heart of His people, and building a relationship with them. He began to take you on that journey of really seeking Him for His heart. It wasn’t dramatic, it was in consistently having your quiet time with Him. Being faithful with the time you both agreed that you’ll meet daily.

From there, you began to grow in Faith, and also began to love Him more and more each day.

Also, intimacy with God is simply going through your daily life with Him. It is involving Him in every detail your life. Many people do prayer stretch but are not consistent with fellowshipping with Him daily. Some are always in camp but they’ve never submitted themselves to daily study of the word of God.

Again, this is not to rule out prayer stretches and dry fasting, they are very important. They have helped you in your walk with God but the balance to it is that we don’t seek Him for power, we seek Him for who He is.

Also, walking with God is a process. As long as you stay committed and consistent with God, your capacity begins to enlarge and then you start to ease into prayer stretches as such.

This is not to say that praying at a stretch doesn’t require discipline. It does, but as you choose to, let your intentions be pure.

And to you who is reading,

I hope you begin to see the simplicity that is in Christ. Sometimes, intimacy with God looks very hard because we focus on the big things. One of the things that affected me was seeing ministers ministering with so much power and grace. I wanted that, and it’s not a bad desire. But what I didn’t realize was that these people I so much admire started from somewhere before they grew into who they are today.

They were faithful with their quiet time, and then God began to usher them into seasons that eventually led them to where they are today. God is a God of process. He uses process to purge our hearts and train us to focus on Him. He will not entrust us with power that can crush because He is a good Father.

Yes, I want to heal the sick and I’ll do that because it pleases my Father but if I ever decide to go on a 3days dry fast today, I am not doing it solely because I want to demonstrate His power. I am doing it because I really want to meet Jesus, and I understand that every thing that comes with it is just an addition.

Many times, we sing about Jesus being enough for us. We sing about His presence being all that we need but then we look for power forgetting that His presence comes with power. God is looking for a generation that wants to seek Him in Spirit and in truth. Not a generation that is obsessed with theatrics.

There is nothing wrong with 6hrs prayer, with dry fasting, with people falling under the anointing. There is nothing wrong with that but can we be genuine seekers? Can we search our hearts and examine why we do what we do?

When I understood this, the way I prayed changed.

My greatest desire is to be a friend of Jesus and in different seasons, this is expressed in different ways. Sometimes, He’ll lead me to fast, other times, the nudging may be to spend time worshipping, and more recently, it has been a desire for the word of God.

What matters most is that all these is just to seek Him. I leave you with 2 Corinthians 11:3, there is simplicity in Christ.

Love & Light,

Belle.

Hey you,

Remember when you said that you wanted to be a pediatrician?

You were so confident of this dream, that you even told people that you were one day going to be the president of the World Health Organization.

You didn’t see yourself becoming anything else other than someone in a white coat, and a stethoscope round your neck.

It wasn’t until your Jss3 class that your desire to be a pediatrician began to change. At this point in your life, you were learning new things about yourself that caused a change in taste, and desires.

You realized that you didn’t really want to be a pediatrician. It wasn’t something that you chose out of love but because it sounded cool. As you began to learn yourself, you saw that you were more passionate about speaking and defending people.

Science class was definitely not the best fit for you but you were scared of choosing something different from what you’ve long decided. You were scared that you were making the wrong decision and would someday realize that choosing art over science, was a set up for failure.

But 8 years later, you’ve realized that dreams can change in the process of growth, and that’s perfectly okay.

Sometimes, our interests change as we grow in life. What we once liked, we no longer find fancy, but we are often scared of taking the risk to pivot. One thing you’ve learnt is that life is not linear, it’s full of curve balls.

We sometimes expect life to be linear, to not have any unexpected plot twist. We expect things to be static but life isn’t like that. Curve balls may not always be a challenge to overcome, it may be choosing something different from what you told everybody that you would.

One thing that bothered you was what people would say when they discovered that you changed your mind. You didn’t want people thinking that you were double minded, or that you didn’t know what you wanted. However, you realized that if you stopped yourself from making a decision that benefits you because you didn’t want to lose face in front of people, then you would just be living life for people and not yourself.

You wanted to live a life true to yourself, a life where you learn yourself daily, and evolve accordingly. You acknowledged that growth often brings change and that’s okay. It’s okay to out grow something you thought you would love for a lifetime. It’s okay to choose a path different from what you’ve chosen before. Sometimes it’s risky but it is worth the risk if it means you’re truly living life to the fullest.

What matters most in making such decisions is that you seek God’s will, and that you are true to yourself. This doesn’t mean that one can always change their decisions carelessly because they are growing and evolving. No, that would be being fair-weather, and being in-decisive. However, there are times that our perspective, dreams, and decisions genuinely change because we’ve given much time to introspection. That’s okay.

And to you who is reading,

It’s okay to pivot.

It’s okay to take that opportunity that no one thought you would.

It’s okay to pick up new a hobby.

It’s okay to see that you’ve out grown a place or some people, and leave.

It’s okay to want more out of life, to take this risk of choosing a new path without fully knowing if it’ll work or not.

Sometimes, that new interest, that new desire, is God’s way of leading you into His will. What matters is that you test it with the word of God and if it aligns, then it’s okay to go ahead.

Don’t let fear stop you from truly living, from exploring all the possibilities that there is in life. Because what truly matters, is that you’re growing in the right direction.

Dreams can change, and that’s perfectly okay.

Love & Light,

Belle.

Hey you,

Remember when you struggled with doing chores?

It wasn’t that you didn’t want to help. You struggled with doing them the way everyone expected you to. There was a right way to cook and clean, and mistakes felt like you were not trying enough. What made it heavier wasn’t doing the chores themselves. It was the meaning attached to them.

The ability to cook and clean felt like a measure of your worth. It felt as though every household chore was a test to pass. Doing it the way it was expected meant that you were woman enough. It meant that you could be a wife. So, anytime you fell short, you became scared that you were not wife material, and you wouldn’t be chosen.

Anytime you were told to clean, or reprimanded for not doing so, it was always attached to the fact that you’ll have a husband someday. And being able to cook and clean, was the only way you would be regarded as a good wife.

“Isabel, you’ll get married ooo. Is this how you’ll be in your husband’s house?” Right from a young age, this was the song that was sang to you over and over again.

You were tired of being a disappointment, and worse, you didn’t want to be rejected by your husband for not being able to cook and clean in a certain way. So, every year, you added it to your new year resolution, “Be a better homemaker.” However, no matter how hard you tried, that goal felt farther from you.

But 8 years later, you’ve realized that being a homemaker is not something you perform. Being a homemaker is something that is borne out of love, because homemaking is worship to God.

You hated cooking, not because you didn’t know how to. But because cooking for people felt like writing an exam. If it didn’t taste right, it would mean that you’re not wife material. You were only comfortable cooking for yourself, and your brother because you two share a bond of love and safety.

After trying year after year to be the perfect homemaker, and failing, you surrendered to God. You started to tell God your heart. You told Him that you didn’t like the constant complains, but you also feel under pressure to do it the way people expected. You told him that you’re struggling, but you also know that you don’t want to be the kind of woman that is careless with her home.

Then God responded by filling your heart with love. He started to explain to you that being a homemaker is more than doing chores. It is service borne out of love. Love for God, and love for your family. It is creating an atmosphere that pleases the Lord, and cleaning is just one expression.

You began to understand that cleaning is not just a task, it is a way of inviting God into your home. It is a way of creating a sanctuary where you and God can dwell in. It is about creating a space that is a reflection of what is within, peace and order.

You’ve learnt that boys and girls should not be taught how to do household duties because of a future spouse. Teaching them this, makes them assume that their worth is tied to a pleasing a person that may never be in their future. What happens when a boy or girl is trained to do certain things because of who they’ll marry, but don’t later get married in the future?

Such a thing can be devastating because they’ve been told that doing certain things will make them accepted. However, there are many people in the world who are well domesticated but have their own share of bad luck when it comes down to romantic relationships.

It also teaches that to be loved, you need to work but true love is unconditional. Love is not earned by works. If love is by works, then it becomes conditional.

Household duties should never be taught as a qualification for marriage. Instead, boys and girls should be taught that taking care of their space is an expression of stewardship, ownership, and responsibility. In learning to care for the things entrusted to them, they cultivate everyday habits that become the foundation for managing greater responsibilities in life.

This approach also creates a healthier relationship with household responsibilities. When chores are no longer presented as a ticket to becoming, “marriage material”, the pressure to earn acceptance begins to fade. It also prevents the resentment that can grow when children feel their worth is tied to domestic performance. Resentment that may even cause some to reject the idea of marriage altogether.

This was your story once upon a time.

Household responsibilities should also be taught as an act of service to God. It shifts a child gaze from seeking human approval to honoring God. In doing so, chores become more than obligations, they become an act of worship. Cooking and cleaning is no longer seeking to be loved and accepted. Rather, it is service borne out of love for God and the people who surround you.

When you accepted this truth from God, your heart posture changed. Cooking for people is something you now enjoy. In fact, you are constantly looking for recipes to cook for your loved ones. There are days you still get cranky, but the fact that you want to go to a culinary school so you can cook delicious meals for your family, is proof of great improvement.

Helping mummy around the house has also become easier. You find yourself in the kitchen with her nowadays, not because you want her to commend you, but because your heart is swelling with love for her and God. When you are scolded for not doing some things in a certain way, it doesn’t move you as much as it used to. Because now, you know why you’re doing what you are doing. It is because of love.

This is a formula that God has given you for the future home you’ll build together with your husband. If there is love at home, service unto each other will be a thing of joy and not resentment. You’ll find yourselves partnering with each other to build your home, because there is a shared vision, and the presence of an evergreen love.

And to you who is reading,

I know the frustration that comes with constantly hearing that you have to do something right because of a man or a woman that you don’t know.

The truth is, it’s not entirely wrong to choose to live a good life because of who you’ll marry in the future. After all, we’re all trying to be the best version of ourselves for the people we love, and will someday love. However, if this is your only motivation, then it is wrong.

It is as though you are living a false life.

While it is wise to make decisions with your future in mind, don’t stop there. Ask yourself who you want to be today. Do these choices align with the person you are becoming? Don’t learn, grow, or change only because of a future husband, wife, or children. Grow because these habits reflect the kind of person you want to be and the life you want to live before God.

Remember, we live for God. Not man, not woman, or even future children. Only for God.

Why don’t you shift your gaze to God and let Him work in you.

Love & Light,

Belle.

AUTHOR’s Note: Homemaking is more than fulfilling household duties, it is about building your home and setting the temperature of your home. It is about deciding what atmosphere would be present in your family. The atmosphere of peace or chaos? If you’ve only be focused on chores, then you need to open your eyes to what it really means to be a homemaker.

Hey you,

Remember when you thought that success meant having so much money?

From where you stood, money meant success because lack was something that you had struggled with. So, success meant being able to afford things that were once difficult for you to afford. Any time you thought about the future, you pictured yourself in a big house, with fleet of cars, enough food, and a closet that looked like a boutique.

It wasn’t greed, it was just a longing to have everything that had felt out of reach for most of your teenagerhood.

But 6 years later, you’ve realized that success is not measured by the fleet of cars a person has, but by how much impact they’ve made on people around them, and the legacy they leave behind.

It might sound cliché, like a motivational speech, but it is true.

Every year, you set a ridiculous financial goal for yourself, and when you don’t meet up, you would cry so much and be sad for days. It was ridiculous because you carried burdens that were not yours. You saw everything around you, and put an unhealthy pressure on yourself, that no one was putting on you.

You felt stuck because you were not making money like you wanted to. And everything that you tried, did not work as you planned.

Only now do you think that maybe it wasn’t that you were stuck. Maybe it was God’s way of protecting you. It is possible to start earning early, and sometimes it’s a beautiful thing. But with everything that surrounded you, if you started earning early like you hoped, it would have done more harm than good.

Over the years, there are certain things you’ve learnt about money, and God’s will for our finances. Things that you didn’t know then. Without this knowledge, wealth would have crushed you.

One thing you’ve learnt on the issue of money, and the Kingdom of God, is that as a Christian you are not a spender, you are a steward. Money is not given to you for the sole purpose of pleasure, it is given to you as someone who is a steward. A good steward leaves what he has been given, better that he met it. A good steward is a multiplier.

Take for instance, the parable of the 5 talents. God called those who had multiplied what they were given, good and faithful servants. Talents here doesn’t just mean your literal talent, as in singing, dancing and the like. It refers to any gift that God has bestowed upon you. As in, divine ideas, ability to make wealth, etc.

God taught you that as a good steward, when money enters your hand, your mindset shouldn’t be how to spend it. Rather, it should be, “How do I steward this money?” By doing so, you make the right decisions because stewardship is not solely about pleasure. It is about multiplication, and positively impacting the lives around you.

This mindset has slowly begun to change your attitude towards money. You’re not perfect at it, but you’re intentional. You now think in systems and structures, rather than just desires. Something that 15 years old you would have never understood.

You’ve also learnt that a person who has impacted lives, is a reflection of someone who is truly successful. Many people in this world have so much money, but how many lives have changed because of them. How many people have become better persons because they encountered them.

People often think that to make impact, you have to be really wealthy. To an extent, it is true but one thing that your Pastor always say is, “Light up your corner.” People are waiting till they have enough before helping people, but what you do in little determines what you’ll do when you have so much. Kindness is not suddenly developed when everything seems pleasant. It is built in the days when you rather be selfish because then, it becomes a choice and not a thing of convenience.

This is not solely about money. This is about how you contribute to a person’s life in any way that you can.

This is why I’m super proud of you, girl. Well-done!

You’ve been making impact. Lives have changed because of you. People know what to do, which career path to take, what they should look out for in making friends, how to navigate healing, and building a life with God, because you’ve let God work in you.

You are making impact. You are lighting up your corner one step at a time. This is purpose, and this is what true success looks like.

Eventually, the money will come, the bigger platforms will come but you would already have a track record. You would already be a good steward because you’ve learnt over the years, and God is proud of you.

A person of value is not one who has gathered for himself earthly riches, it is one who has committed his life to being the light that changes people’s lives.

Another truth you’ve learnt about success and wealth is that, wealth isn’t always money. Sometimes, it is a healthy soul and body, other times it is a Godly community that continually sharpens you. And more often that not, it is the ability to be contented with what you have, while striving for more. It is the assurance that what you have in your bank doesn’t define you, and dictate your happiness.

It is your ability to enjoy the simple things of life, and make grand moments out of it.

Recently, you were taking a walk, and you realized that your mindset on success has changed tremendously. What you desired that day, was holding a book in your hands, with good food, and a cozy bed to lay on. Of course, it takes money to have that too, but it wasn’t just about money in that moment. It was about counting your blessings, as little as legs to walk, as a bed to lay on, and giving thanks to God.

You’ve realized that while it is God’s will for you to have money, and prosper all round, success is more than having a fat purse. It is more about having a full life.

And to you who is reading,

I hope you begin to be less hard on yourself.

This thing I’m writing is not easy because it’s something I have struggled with for years. Even recently, I’ve been very teary because somethings have not worked in the way that I planned.

But I’m growing in my faith and learning to choose joy. I’m learning to thank God for the little things, to see His faithfulness even in disappointments, to remind myself of His goodness. It doesn’t stop you from expecting more, from grieving for your losses.

Rather, it is choosing to trust God with your success story. The beautiful thing about our faith is that we can feel grief and still choose joy. We can want more and still be content. We can feel very two different emotions, and bring it to God because being Christian doesn’t stop us from being human.

It only helps us submit our humanity to God. And guess what? He loves it when we do this.

One truth I want you to leave here with is that, people blossom at different seasons. Some in their 20s, some in their 30s, and others in their 40s. Some, even later than all these that have been listed. When we compare ourselves with others, we tend to lose focus on our journey. This can lead to falling out of alignment.

What you see as being stuck, may be God building you. It’s okay to go back to the drawing board, and re-strategize. But when you do, make sure you’re in perfect alignment with God.

Lastly, the journey to being successful is like building a house brick by brick. Every process is important. A skipped process would most likely result to a collapse. Most times, this is why people fall after being in the limelight. Stay in your process.

It is like also like an onion bulb being peeled. Its’s by completing one task, that you move to the next, and finally meet your Kairos. Those little things that you’re doing, may not make sense but keep at it.

See thou a man diligent in his work, and he’ll stand before kings and queens not mere men.

A moving man will always meet his luck!

Love & Light,

Belle.

Author’s note: Lack is never God’s will. Ephesians 3:20, Matthew 7:7

Hey you,

Remember when you told your mentor that you didn’t want any female friends in the university?

In your defense, female friendships came with a lot of drama and you had witnessed part of that in your primary and secondary school. You had a few loyal female friends but you were okay with that. You didn’t want the list getting any longer.

When you were thinking about what your Uni life would look like, one thing you were sure of was that you didn’t want too many female friends. You mostly wanted male friends because you believed that guys were realer than girls.

You felt they would understand you better, and defend you. You felt they wouldn’t gossip about you like some of your female friends did.

Genuinely speaking, some of the female friendships you had were dramatic in a toxic way. The backbiting, harsh words thrown at each other, the silent treatment, and so on. Most of these experiences were during primary school but they had already shaped your mindset on female relationships.

What made it worse was the existing relationship dynamics between you and mummy. You had concluded, women’s relationships were complicated and filled with so much drama.

Female friendships in the university was a no for you.

But 5 years later, you’ve realized that the sisters God doesn’t give you through your mother, He gives through friendships.

One thing your sister (best friend) told you when you were entering into the university was that you have to be open minded to be able to connect with people. But you did the exact opposite, you looked at people from afar and made a conclusion on them.

In your defense, you didn’t want to mix up with the wrong crowd, so you avoided anybody that looked or acted contrary to the picture of an ideal friend you had in mind.

God began to question your mindset on female friendships little by little.

As at 200lvl, there were a group of girls who were coming close to you in your fellowship. They wanted to be friends with you, not the surface level kind, but the intimate ones. You sensed it and drew back from them; you pulled up your walls.

You were okay with saying hi to them once in a while, but you didn’t want anything deeper than that. Your defense was that you were cool with the little female friends you already had and didn’t want more for yourself.

One day, the Holy Spirit questioned you, “Is it that you really don’t want more female friends, or you’re just scared of being seen? Because if I gave you Euphemia, and Diamond, I can give you more who would love you despite your flaws.”

In that moment, you saw your heart and the fear that had consumed it. You saw that it was trauma speaking all along. You were scared of having female friends because you were scared of being seen. The only female friendships where you had experienced being seen and loved without question was your friendship with Euphemia and Diamond.

No words can describe what you share with them. The best explanation would be divine. You reckoned it was God’s gift, and felt they were the only ones who could really see you, flaws and all, yet love you wholeheartedly. It’s not that they never questioned your character; they did. They called you out, told you truth when you just wanted to be pampered. But you never once doubted their love. Maybe it was in the way they loved you into transformation, gave you grace, and held space for you. Whatever it was, all you knew was that they were God’s gift to you. Your friendship with them wasn’t something you earned. It was simply given.

This was why you closed up your space to more female friendships, you didn’t believe it could happen twice. But God started to show you that you had idolized your friendship with them. He is the one that gives all good things, including friends. So, if He could give you them, He could give you more.

Frankly speaking, no two relationships are the same but when you started to open your heart to the wonderful women around you, you realized that it is also possible to have something beautiful with the other women God was bringing to your space.

It is not to recreate what you share with Euphemia and Diamond; rather, it is understanding that God brings different people into our lives for different purposes. Yes, Mia and Dee may be your go to people for most things, but they are not God, and so they can’t play all roles every single times.

Wisdom in stewarding friendships is understanding that pours parts of Himself in people, and when He brings those people into your life, they are to express a certain dimension of Him. Your responsibility is to recognize what role they play.

You’ve also learnt that it is wrong to compare friends with one another. People have different capacity and show up in different ways. People also come from different backgrounds, so they respond differently. Rather than comparing, the best way to navigate friendships is by simply learning to understand each other, and communicate expectations with an open mind, and a humble heart.

When you learnt and implemented these principles, you realized that God has surrounded you with plenty of sisters. You don’t have it all figured out yet but your mentality on female friendships has surely improved.

And to you who is reading,

I hope you begin to let God investigate your thought pattern. Sometimes, when God shows us our heart, we see that some decisions we make, are response to trauma. I didn’t want female friendships because, based on my experience from home and in school, I believed that it was hard to navigate. I felt more comfortable around guys but wanted to correct that mindset so he gave me the very thing I had rejected.

Another truth is, it is important to have same gender friendships. Most of the things I’ve learnt on marriage, love, and communication, I learnt from my female friendships. One thing I and Euphemia often to say to ourselves is that our friendship feels like preparation for marriage.

Why? Because we practice all the things meant for a standard romantic relationship, without the romantic feelings and sexual intimacy. Through my relationship with her and some of my other female friends, I find myself discovering the ways I want to be treated in a romantic relationship.

My thought process is, “If my female friend can do this for me, can communicate clearly and be kind with words, why can’t the man I want to spend my life with, do same with me?” Same gender friendships have a way of reaffirming that you’re worthy of healthy love.

I can argue this anywhere, you wouldn’t know what you want in a man or a woman, if you’ve not experienced healthy platonic love from your gender. It’s platonic, nothing is in it for either of you. So, there is enough room to learn and unlearn.

It also gives you a sense of community, shapes your mindset and how you treat others.

There are somethings that only your girls can understand, and vice versa for the guys.

For instance, during ovulation, I’m in my girl’s dm saying things like, “Girl, I wanna flirt!”

Then she replies me saying, “Oya, flirt with me”

It’s silly but it has preserved my sexual purity, because if I had no female friends, I’d probably be in a guy’s dm, saying and doing what I’m not supposed to do. You can say that you have friendships with the opposite gender that’s platonic, which is beautiful. However, sensitive things like that shouldn’t be communicated to your male friends because at the end of they day, you’re a lady, and he’s a guy. Tables can quickly turn, and more often than not, this is how friends with benefits begin.

Same gender friendships are also good for accountability. One thing I have consistently done with my girls, is grow together. From praying together, to studying the word, to setting career goals. All of these just gives me insight into the kind of structures I’ll love to have when I finally enter into a romantic relationship.

I hope you let God surround you with the brothers and sisters that He has destined for you.

Love & Light,

Belle.

Hey you,

Remember when you used to wish that you had a different family?

You just felt like you didn’t fit in, and if you were born into a different family, your life would be so much better.

There were so many things you resented about your family. One of which is the fact that you were not born with a silver spoon in your mouth. It wasn’t that you could not afford to go to school or wear nice clothes, but it was that things that seemed easy for your friends to afford was a bit difficult for you.

If your friends phone spoilt, they wouldn’t panic about it but you, you will start to plead the blood of Jesus because you knew that the possibility of replacing it as soon as possible, was slim. Your parents did their best and even gave you a better foundation than they had. But when certain things happened at home, you couldn’t help but notice what it was that you lacked.

You nursed the thought that if you were born in a different family, life would be so much easier.

Another thing was the relationship dynamics between you and mummy. Mummy is the most sacrificial person you’ve ever met. She gives even when she doesn’t have. Sometimes, you wonder if you would ever be as sacrificial as she is, when you become a mother.

However, despite mummy’s sacrificial nature, you two didn’t seem to understand each other. Expressing your feelings was hard, and most times misunderstood. You were stubborn too, and filled with anger. Certain things were said that hurt you and corrections could have been made in better ways.

All these years, you nursed anger towards them. You chose resentment instead of forgiveness, and that blinded you to the blessing that your family is.

But 5 years later, you’ve realized that you were never misplaced in your family.

For the longest time, you’ve had a victim mindset.

“I’m the one that was hurt. I’m the one that was bruised with words. Why do I need to be the one to do better? I’m the child, I’m supposed to learn from them and not the other way around.”

You didn’t know that these were the thoughts you meditated on, until God shone His light.

It was after an argument that you and mummy had. This wasn’t a new thing but what happened afterwards was new. God had spoken to you about your mom. He gave you some details about her upbringing and showed how that she’s just a girl who needs healing, love and compassion.

It was hard to swallow because God was asking you to give her grace, to honor her, to love her still. God was asking you to be the light that brings transformation. To be the beginning of a new order, to respond with kindness and compassion. To respond as He would respond.

It reminds me of two scriptures,

“We love because He first loved us.” 1 John 4:9

“As I have loved you, so must you love one another.” John 13:34-35

That was what God was asking from you. God was asking you to look beyond yourself and really see mummy. To see her heart, her pain, her love, and every other thing. You didn’t obey immediately because you wanted a reason to hold on to your anger and pain. Letting go would mean that you couldn’t accuse her anymore.

But what you didn’t notice is that holding on to all that bitterness, kept you in a pit of pain and self-pity. You always say that you want to do better with your kids but trauma was slowly blinding you. If you didn’t let go like God asked, unknowingly, you would repeat the same pattern.

When you are unable to forgive certain things, you’ll wallow in bitterness and you’ll respond from that pain. When you respond from that pain, you’ll repeat the same things that you hated going through. Then it becomes a pattern from generation to generation.

But when you forgive, you don’t see the person as the villain and see yourself as the victim. You gain God’s perspective and begin to see the root of all that had happened. You begin to see them as God sees them, and therefore offer them compassion.

It’s very hard because humans want people to blame for their misfortune. It’s what Adam did in Eden. The first thing He said when God asked Him what he had done was, “The woman you gave me…” He blamed God, and the woman. He removed himself from every responsibility.

One thing that God started to ask you was, “How can you do better?” He made you understand that you had a choice, to do better or to repeat the same behavior. But first, choosing to do better starts with forgiveness.

You’re not perfect at it yet, somedays you still respond in anger and pain but you keep at it because of God, and no one else. It is a commandment from God to honor your Father and Mother. Sometimes, honoring your father and mother is simply choosing to forgive them, to give them grace, to love them the way that Christ has loved you.

God wasn’t asking you to pretend like you were not hurt, or act like certain things couldn’t have been done and said better. He was asking you to be like Him, to love like Him, to be a light. Because that is why we have the fruit of the Spirit, not for pleasant situations but for situations that would make us act contrary to God’s will.

Also, about not being born with a silver spoon in your mouth, the Holy Spirit made you realize that He chose this family for you, because He knew the stewardship your destiny needs, and saw your parents as the best fit for that purpose.

He made you understand that you are not a victim because of how things were, rather, there is a role for you to fulfill in your family. As you began to gain His perspective, you began to see that God had a plan for you and your family. You are instrumental in that plan, He chose you as the beginning of a new order.

We sometimes fail to see God’s perspective because we’re stuck thinking about ourselves. The moment you began to think about God and every one around you, He started to give ideas that will change the trajectory of things for you and your family.

You began to take your place as a generational deliverer. Ultimately, every experience you’ve had with your family, has been a catalyst, refining you for the life your destiny requires.

The lack has resulted to divine ideas for generational wealth.

The pain has resulted to compassion and love that is like God’s.

All because you traded your pain for His perspective.

And to you who is reading,

I hope that you are able to forgive your parents if they’ve ever hurt you because at the end of the day, they are little boys and girls who didn’t heal from trauma. Some are even ignorant to what trauma is but we know better so we should do better.

To whom much is given, more is expected.

I hope that you are able to let God heal your heart. I hope you trade your pain for His perspective.

Now, this is not to clap for abusive parents. You may have gone through deep emotional, sexual and physical abuse from your parents. The ones that were supposed to be your guardians because you were defenseless as a child, ended up being the ones to take advantage of you. This is a reality that exists and cannot be ignored.

However, God acknowledges that but still wants you to forgive them. This is not for them, it is for you. So you can breathe easier, so you don’t carry all that pain around. So you don’t repeat the same pattern. A heart that hasn’t forgiven, is a heart that hasn’t healed. It is like an infectious disease that spreads to everybody it comes in contact with.

Forgiveness may not be the first step in truly healing, but it is a step you can not go over. To truly heal, you have to forgive. Trauma has a way of replicating itself either in the exact way you experienced it, or in a different way.

Somebody that went through sexual abuse from their father or mother, may never repeat that same exact act with their children, but when we pay a closer look to their familial relations, we would see traces of bitterness, of shame, of anger, and so on.

The antidote is forgiveness.

Again, this is not to excuse their behavior. Rather, it’s to show that despite their behavior being totally unacceptable, there is a seed that is bearing such fruit. Forgiveness doesn’t mean that you have to establish a relationship with them immediately. It simply means that you’ve chosen peace over anger.

Lastly, God calls us to love like Him. How does He love? He gave His son for us.

Jesus carried all our sins to the cross and died for us. Think about all the sins that are there in the world, rape, murder, drug abuse, etc. He bore all these sins and died for us because He loves us. He calls us to love like Him.

What do you think this means?

One of the things I think it means is, to be able to forgive those that have hurt you even when they’re underserving of it. That’s the whole point of forgiveness, not because they deserve it but because we love like God.

All of these is not to say that God ordained that your parents would abuse you. That’s never God’s plan but God has given human free will. He doesn’t control their actions. He just asks that they yield to Him. And sometimes, even the ones who yield still make errors.

What God is saying is that in spite of all these, you can be the light that shines in darkness. What if you’re the one through which your parents receive salvation?

I pray that the lord gives you wisdom to navigate such relationship. That He helps you set the right boundaries around your heart. That He heals your heart, and helps you trade your pain for His perspective.

Amen.

Love & Light,

Belle.

Author’s note: I want to recommend certain materials that can further help you to understand what I’ve written. They’ve been instrumental in my healing journey.

· Healing The Soul of a Woman by Joyce Meyer; This was very instrumental for me, and men can also read it. I believe it’s also very helpful for men.

· The Shack; It’s a wonderful movie about healing and forgiveness.

· Youtube Video: Overcoming Trauma

Hey you,

Remember when your classmate’s senior brother called you loud?

It was your inter-house sport and your friend was running a marathon, you cheered loudly for her and sometimes, even ran with her to give her water.

To you, you were just being a supportive friend but somebody had seen that and called you loud. It was even more awful because you had a crush on the said senior brother so of course, you wanted him to find you attractive and not loud.

You had seen his pictures on your classmate’s phone but that was the first time that you both met in person so it was weird that he made that conclusion from a first meeting. From a single moment when you were just being you, loving loudly and cheering loudly.

You tried to understand why he said that about you. Was it wrong to cheer for your friend? Were you being too much? These questions, and many more ran through your mind.

You concluded that maybe it’ll be better to maintain decorum at all times, to not be as expressive as you are, to not cheer for your friends loudly, to not be the one that does something spontaneous and lightens up the mood.

But 5 years later, you’ve realized that your personality is a gift, and that changing your personality would be dimming your light.

By temperaments, you are dominantly a sanguine which means that you are outgoing, the life of the party, energetic, enthusiastic, and the social butterfly.

It’s not something you try to form or prepare yourself for, it just happens. It’s one of your strengths. This personality that you tried to change, is one of the many things that people compliment you for. This personality has earned you recognition and given you opportunities.

People don’t just see someone that laughs loud or acts spontaneous. They see someone who is bold, someone who has a voice, and is not willing to shrink herself in rooms. Rather, she navigates it with wisdom while staying true to who she is.

Many people you’ve come in contact with, have mentioned that watching you has helped them to be more courageous. Some times, your bubbly nature is what cheers a friend up on their hard days. A common thing your friends have appreciated you for, is how you make them come out of their shell just by being you.

It’s simple, you’re a light and a light shines without even trying.

Now, this is different from a person who tends to always make noise but has no substance. One thing that the Holy Spirit taught you was that, while He created your personality as someone who is jovial, enthusiastic and energetic, He also wants you to have quiet moments so that you don’t become an empty barrel.

An empty barrel is loud but when we take a good look at it, there is nothing inside it. It’s just noise and no substance.

What makes you different is the impact your personality has on the people around you. Just by living your life, people have come to see the light, people are encouraged and are inspired to do what they think they cannot do.

That is what scripture describes in Matthew 5:16, Let your light so shine that they may see your good works and glorify your Father who is in heaven. You’re not doing things simply because you want to be the center of attention, rather, there’s a deep rooted understanding that living the way you do, brings glory to God.

Letting your light shine is not until you are on a stage or on the pulpit. It is simply letting God be seen in the simple things. Letting Him shine through your personality. That moment you cheer for somebody loudly might be the game changer for them. It might be the moment when they want to give up, and that loud cheer is what strengthens them to keep going.

This is where wisdom comes in as the balance. Wisdom is profitable to direct. It is with wisdom that you are able to read rooms and act accordingly. This is not about shrinking your personality. It is about giving your energy depth, and channeling your enthusiasm into substance.

It is about becoming someone who doesn’t just light up a room, but fill it with wisdom. Someone who can enjoy lighthearted moments yet hold thoughtful, intelligent conversations that leave people better than they found them. It is also about recognizing that the people around you deserve their own spotlight and intentionally making room for them to shine.

And to you who is reading,

I hope you stop shrinking yourself for people. I hope you own your personality and recognize it for the gift that it is. Whether expressive or reserved, I hope you start to let God shine through you.

God didn’t create you to be timid neither did He make you to be loud without substance. The wisdom of God is what you need to strike a balance.

I pray that you begin to let His wisdom guide you.

Love & Light,

Belle.

Author’s note: One evidence that you are guided by wisdom, is not what to say, when to say it, and who to say it to. Not is wrong with being expressive but it is important to have a bridled tongue.

Hey you,

Remember when you were asked about your best color?

That day, you went on an errand for your mom. You walked in on a conversation some boys you from your neighborhood were having. You said hi to them once in a while, so it wasn’t weird when they involved you in their conversation.

“I know your best color is pink. Girls like all these pink things.” One of them said, looking at you.

Truly, you liked pink, but you were going to deny it. It was the way he said it, like liking pink was uncool, like you were too girly and there was something wrong with that.

You did not want to be seen as too girly. You wanted to be seen as cool because boys liked cool girls.

So you told them that you favored blue over pink. You did like blue, but that wasn’t the whole truth. You only said it to impress them and sure enough, you did.

But 11 years later, you’ve realized that there is no such thing as being too girly. You are just a girl who expresses her femininity in the way that feels most natural to her.

It took you a while to embrace your femininity, and realize that there is nothing wrong in liking pink or being girly.

The problem is not liking pink or not liking it. The problem is not being girly or being girly. The problem is trying to fit everybody into a box.

There are some ladies that honestly don’t like pink, they prefer black. It’s not because they are trying to seem strong, it’s just their preference and that doesn’t make them less of a woman. There are some that like pink, a purse in pink, a journal in pink, and even a pink dress. It doesn’t mean that they are weaker for choosing something softer.

In fact, when did color preferences become the yardstick for judging who is feminine enough, who is not feminine enough, or who is too feminine?

Colors are just colors, there is no color attached to a gender, biologically or psychologically. The idea that certain colors belong to a particular gender is a social construct, one that traces back to US retailers in the early-to-mid 1900s, who invented the idea that pink is for girls and blue is for boys as a marketing strategy. They did this so that baby clothes would not be used interchangeably, and so that people can buy more baby clothes rather than pass it down to a new born.

What started has a marketing strategy has now become a social standard used to determine who is feminine and who is masculine.

There are truths you discovered about femininity as you became a woman. One of which is, women express their femininity in different ways. A woman can enjoy playing video games, enjoy playing football, and do all the things men would normally do, and still be very feminine. Femininity is not a list of activities or how put together you look. It is rooted in your nature, how you care, nurture and relate to others.

The activities we engage in, the things we like, are just one expression of that, not the substance of it. Many times, we tend to major on the minor and minor on the major. One thing has remained prominent in your growth, the desire to curate spaces where people feel nurtured, cared for, and become whole. This is a true feminine instinct

This doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t dress well and look presentable. By all means, do that, but never reduce your femininity to how you look or what you like.

As you grew, you embraced your love for softer colors like pink and sky blue, because that is what feels natural to you. You admitted you don’t like black and would choose brown over it a thousand times. You also like solid colors like red and burgundy simply because that’s you.

This does not mean that there are no boundaries around certain things, like a man completely changing his appearance to that of a woman, and vice versa. That is totally wrong but each gender can express their masculinity or femininity however they choose, as long as it is within the confines of scripture.

Some men have been shamed for liking pink, accused of being weak because their voice is not deep enough. A true man isn’t measured by his baritone but his ability to lead and create solutions to problems.

And to you who is reading,

I hope you don’t shy away from what you really like, as long as it’s not against God’s will, just to fit into a societal mold.

If you’re a lady who loves fixing things, playing football and video games, enjoy it fully. Don’t pretend or change your interests simply because you want to be accepted as a woman.

If you’re a guy who doesn’t enjoy football but would rather read books or cook, by all means, own it.

Your masculinity and femininity are not a fragile list of things to do or like. They are the nature that God has created in you.

For some of us, we are in the middle, we like pink but we’ll also enjoy playing video games. We like to cook but we also love football. Whatever expression you choose as a man or woman, make sure you’re true to yourself, that you really love the things you claim to love.

And most importantly, make sure it honors God.

Love & Light,

Belle.

Hey you,

Remember when you gave your life to Christ?

Actually, remember the moments leading up to it?

You were concerned about what your life would look like if you left all that you knew to follow God.

You’ve always been a social butterfly, had friends from senior school despite being a junior school student. You were a cool kid (you still are). At the time, you were worried that choosing to follow God would result to you losing all your friends.

Eventually, you surrendered your life to Christ but that concern stayed with you. Because truly, when you gave your life to Christ, some of your friends teased you about your change in attitude. They even said you were pretending and that this new attitude will fade.

Sometimes, you doubted your walk with God because of what they said but you had chosen God’s path and planned to remain faithful.

Choosing God over the friends you had at the time meant that you would no longer dance in your school’s social party. Dancing during social day was a norm for you and it was something you enjoyed very well as you loved dancing. But dancing meant listening to vulgar lyrics and twerking in front of the whole school.

Your friends sometimes urged you to join them and you were tempted most of the time because dancing was a hobby for you. It was a difficult choice for you and you wondered if rejecting their offer would make you lose your friends.

But 8 years later, you realized that whatever you lose for Christ, you’ll gain a hundred times more.

One day, you sat down in your room with your Bible opened on your laps. It was one of the early days in your walk with Christ.

You voiced your concerns to God, “God, I actually want to have friends. I do care about having friends. Will I never have friends again because I have chosen you?”

The answer to that question came swiftly, “Whatever you lose to follow me, you shall gain it more.”

Your heart leaped with Joy because you thought that God was telling you that he was going to give you more friends. Actually, He did but that was not the point He was trying to pass across. He was trying to teach you a very important lesson about Faith.

In Matthew 19:27-29, we see Jesus’s interaction with Peter where Peter asks Jesus what he would gain in return now that he has left everything to follow Him. Jesus’s reply is simple, “Anyone who has left house, father, mother, lands, for my namesake shall receive a hundredfold and inherit eternal life.”

One of the first things you realized through this scripture is that Jesus cares for us, He is interested in what we desire. When Peter asked that question, He could have shunned him and said that He was carnal for asking what they’ll gain in return. But Jesus heard him, saw his concern, and decided to give him an answer.

What a friend we have in Jesus!

Secondly, Jesus doesn’t deny that following Him will surely cost something. Luke 9:23 says that anyone who must follow God, must deny himself daily and pick up his cross to follow Him. So yes, following Christ will surely cost you, but there’s a truth you’ve discovered.

We gain a hundred times more than we lose to follow Christ.

The first and most important thing we gain is eternal life. This is about where we spend our eternity. We know that death for us is not the end, rather, it is the beginning of a new. We get to finally go home and sit at the feet of Jesus. And even on earth, we don’t just live ordinary lives anymore. Our belief in Christ, gives us the liberty to live a divine life. It is called ZOE!

This is the life of God, a life above sicknesses and diseases, where we can exercise our authority as sons of God and heirs to the Kingdom. A life of dominion.

You might lose it all, but whatever God has to give is better than all that you have lost.

James 1:17 says, Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.

God has our best interest at heart, He wants to give us good things, and also surround us with Love and joy. He only asks that we follow Him and live life His way.

You lost those friends but you gained better ones. The ones in your life presently are not just friends, they are sisters and brothers who hold you accountable, sharpen you and cheer for you like their lives depend on it. They are loyal and God fearing, and the best part is that you get to do life together.

Asides that, the greatest inheritance is the one of eternal life.

Matthew 16:26, What good will it be for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul? Or what can anyone give in exchange for their soul?”

And to you who is reading,

I want you to know that you’re not alone in whatever choice that you have to make in-order to follow Yah. It may be a relationship or a job you need to leave. It could even be a habit that currently gives you pleasure.

It may even be that choosing to follow God would mean that you’ll be disowned by your family.

God sees and understands that, and His strength is made available for you to take that step. Whatever you have to lose, there is more on the other side. It may not be in the way you imagine, but this I can assure you of, eternal life is yours.

Another thing I want to tell you is that God has sons and daughters. In the early days of Christianity, when martyrs were persecuted, one thing that kept the Church was brotherly and sisterly love. People who lost their biological families were comforted because of their sisters and brothers in faith who surrounded them.

I don’t know who I’m writing this for but you’re not alone, you are heavily surrounded, by a great cloud of witnesses, by His angels, and by the people you are yet to meet. God loves you deeply and you’ll start to experience His love in a way that you never imagined. You’ll experience His love from the way people treat you.

Choosing God will cost you, but the price is worth paying.

I pray for you, that just by reading this, you are empowered to do the right thing, to take that bold step, and make that important decision. I pray that God’s love envelopes you right now and convicts your heart that God is enough, that His love is enough. I pray that Christ will be at work in you, leading you, empowering you and helping you daily to choose Him.

Love & Light,

Belle.

Hey you,

Remember when you were about to enter the University?

You picked LAW as the course you wanted to study because you’ve always loved advocacy. Your teachers nicknamed you baby lawyer because of how passionate you were about fighting for Justice. Back then, you would always get in trouble because you were defending one person or the other. One time, you would have been beaten up badly by a classmate, if your male best friend didn’t intervene. But getting beaten up didn’t matter so much to you, what mattered was that you wouldn’t back down without a fight.

You initially picked DELSU (Delt State University Abraka) as your choice of University because you wanted to go far away from home. Mummy wasn’t pleased that you wanted to study LAW, especially as it was criminal law. She feared the danger it involved but that was what you found thrilling. She was more displeased that you wanted to go far away from home but you knew how to put your feet on the ground for what it was you wanted, so she let you be. LASU was her dream for you but you vowed that if it was the last school on earth, you wouldn’t go there.

One morning after you had concluded all your external examination, you woke up restless in your spirit. There was a sudden urge to change your choice of university. Before then, your friends had told you that LASU was one of the best for studying LAW, even your uncle had confirmed that. You remained adamant and stuck to DELSU.

But that morning, there was a restlessness that you couldn’t place your hand on. You just knew that you needed to make a decision and you needed to make it fast. You told daddy to pray for wisdom and direction. You also called your mentor to pray with you so you could make the right choice. Just as you started praying with your mentor, you knew that you were to attend LASU. By the time the prayer was concluded, your mentor said, “Omo, before I even started praying, God already said LASU.”

Daddy confirmed it too.

You were disappointed because you had already set your heart to leave home but man proposes, God disposes. You had to obey God so you obliged. You changed your choice of university to LASU but maintained LAW as your course of study. You were confident that you were going to be admitted to study law into the university.

“If God had led you to change your university to LASU, then that meant you were surely going to get LAW.” So you thought.

Admission list came out, your name was not on it. You didn’t panic though, it was just the first list and you had a good Jamb and WAEC result so nothing was going to stop you. More importantly, you had the backing of God.

After several weeks, you were admitted but it wasn’t to study LAW. It was to study History/International Studies.

What was that? Never in your life have you heard that such course existed. What were you supposed to be? An Historian?

You cried. Oh, you wailed!

Your greatest fear had finally caught up to you. You were going to repeat the generational pattern of waiting years before entering school.

You were angry with God and even felt betrayed by Him. You kept thinking, “I trusted God! I put my faith in Him and He let me down!” “Why did He lead me to LASU? Why! If He knew I wouldn’t get LAW, why then did He lead me to LASU?”

You made up your mind that you were going to reject the course and wait another year to study LAW but after much persuasion from your parents, you accepted the course but with the condition that they let you take Jamb again even though you were already in school.

Eventually, you resumed LASU with very little enthusiasm because you believed that you were not in God’s perfect will. You believed that you were in God’s plan B rather than His plan A. You so desperately wanted to be in His plan A, plan B felt like settling.

You held onto this belief even though your mentor and dad had assured you that all things worked for your good. This was what they felt in their heart anytime they would pray about the situation but you refused to believe how studying HIS (History/International Studies) was God’s plan, and how it would work together for your good.

One thought lingered in your mind, “What do I do with this course after school?”

But 4 years later, you’ve come to know that truly, all things work together for the good of those that love the Lord and are called according to His purpose.

If someone had told you that you’ll find purpose in your course of study and eventually thank God for not studying law, you wouldn’t have believed them. But look at you, a graduate of the Lagos State University, with no ounce of regret that you studied HIS.

The transformation began when you were invited to a program hosted by a campus fellowship, which would later become the fellowship you attended on campus. The name of the program was My Career, My Life and the name of the fellowship was Potter’s Revolution Movement (PRM).

That day, there was a panel session that required the founder, Pastor Mavis (PM), and the other guest speaker to answer questions from the audience. The questions were written in a paper and given to an usher to read out. You were hesitant to ask your question but eventually, you wrote it on a piece of paper and gave the usher. At that point, the questions were already being answered and the usher had a lot of paper in her hands.

If your question was going to be answered, it would be the last and the possibility of that happening was slim as time was far spent. But to your surprise, the usher asked your question and the response PM gave was, “I just hear this in my spirit for whoever it is that asked this question, all things work together for the good of those that love the Lord. Now the question is, do you love the Lord? If you do, just continue on this path He has set before you. Study this course and you’ll see what He’ll make out of it.”

You sat there shocked. What had just happened?

After your question was answered, the panel session came to an end. Your question was not supposed to be answered because you handed your paper to the usher late. But not only was it answered, PM said the exact words that daddy and your mentor, had said to you.

You knew that this was a confirmation that God was indeed with you and studying HIS, was not a plan B. It was God’s perfect will.

One of the things that made it hard for you to believe that History was God’s will, was a prophecy you received back when you were in secondary school.

An evangelist and a friend to the family had asked what you wanted to study in the university. You told him that you wanted to study law.

He smiled and said, “Well, that’s a good choice. Many times, God uses our careers as a platform to fulfill destiny.”

You held onto that and believed that law was God’s will for you especially as several prophecies had gone ahead of you calling you a Deborah.

It made sense because she was a judge.

Now looking back, you realize your mistake. What he said was true and he isn’t a false prophet but humans see in parts, only God knows the full picture. Being called a Deborah doesn’t mean that you would be exactly as she was. It meant that there was a grace upon her life that God has probably placed upon you. It meant that there was a way that God expressed Himself through her, that He probably wants to express through you, but in a different dimension.

As you began to study her life, you saw that not only was she a prophetess or judge, she was a creative, a mother and a wife. As God began to reveal certain things to you, you began to walk in giftings that were not necessarily tied to being a lawyer or tied to the pulpit.

God reveals things to us per time and season. It is our responsibility to journey with Him through the process as He guides us into His will.

You often think about what your life would have been if you had studied law. One thing is for sure, you would not have discovered yourself as the creative you are today. One thing studying history did for you is that it allowed you to be a better storyteller. The nature of the course requires voluminous writing and storytelling. The more you wrote and read for exams, the more your storytelling instinct sharpened. Sometimes, when writing in exams, you would make reference to a poem or a book you had read. For you, it was art, literature and storytelling.

History was one of the tools God used to sharpen your creative gifts. And do you know what’s shocking now? You know what to do after school. In fact, there are so many options of what you can do now that you’ve graduated. All these things began to make sense bit by bit, as you engaged in your final year project and other school projects. If you didn’t go down this route, you would not have realized what a great storyteller the Lord has called you to be.

At the end of the day, God is using your career to fulfill destiny. The best part is that you can still participate in advocacy through the stories you tell.

Also, if you studied LAW, you would have attended the LAW student’s fellowship which is not bad, but you would have missed destiny. PRM became your campus fellowship and there, you made destiny relationships. God used PRM to activate certain gifts in you, and also trained you for kingdom leadership.

You can not fully put into words how your life changed when you started attending PRM. It was like there was tap within you that was turned on instantly.

Now, you’re at the end of your school journey and you’ve realized that God truly carried you throughout school. The favors from people, the big sisters and big brothers you gained, the friends and mentors that God brought your way. Not once were you left without help.

At the end of this journey, you’ve realized that truly, all things worked together for your good because you love the Lord. But not just that, you trusted Him. You allowed Him redirect your path and today you have a testimony that you will share for a lifetime.

And to you who is reading,

I hope you allow God interrupt your plans as many times as possible if it means that you would be at the center of His will.

Anyone that knows me, knows that I am not one to leave things to chance. I have a plan for everything but one thing that I’m learning is that in my walk with God, I would have to surrender my need for control to be where He wants me to be.

Trust is a lesson I learn in every season of my life either through little or big situations. A believer must choose to trust God every day, just as they choose to surrender to Him and die to the works of the flesh each day.

Many times, when believers hear this scripture, they immediately think that God always wants to change their path and sometimes, that is true. Sometimes, God wants to redirect us but we can trust that if He is redirecting us, it is for good. It may not make sense in the moment and may even be painful but when we understand the character of God, we learn to trust Him over and over again.

A redirection from God, is an escape from destruction.

Other times, He is not seeking to redirect us completely from a path we have chosen in Godly wisdom because God would not always speak to us in clear sentences. Sometimes, He nudges us, gives us promptings or stirs a desire in our heart. More often than not, He bestows us with wisdom to make the right decisions. Sometimes, when we’re waiting for a go signal from God, He just wants us to step out in Faith, trusting that He is with us and that all things would work for our good.

In situations like this, submitting your ways to God may not mean a redirection, but wisdom to do what you’ve already set out to do.

The important thing is that we trust God.

This means that for you to be able to trust God, there’s need to be a prior knowledge of who He is. When we don’t know and understand the character of God, we tend to misunderstand Him then trusting Him becomes hard. I advise that you begin to study the character of God through scripture and as you do, your heart begins to learn to trust Him.

What path does He lead us into? Righteousness.

For what? His namesake.

This means that because of who He is, He will never lead us into destruction. He can never mismanage your life.

Love & Light,

Belle.

Hey you,

Remember when you would go about asking your friends if you were good or bad?

You were 11 years old and in Jss1. Seeking validation from your peers was a common thing to do then.

During those times, there were a lot of gossiping. Sometimes, the ones you called your friends would go behind your back and say mean things about you. They would always call you and say, “Somebody said you like boys too much” “Somebody said you like to do shakara too much” “Somebody said that you are proud”.

Somehow, there was always somebody that had said something about you. When you asked, their response would always be, “I can’t tell you ooo, you’ll get angry and start crying or you’ll go and meet them and it’ll cause wahala.”

You began to wonder who those people were, especially as almost everybody was friendly with you. So, who were the people talking about you, and how come your friends were always in that conversation?

Your classmates would gather around, vetting people’s character. When it got to your turn, you would act like you were un-interested but your heart would start beating faster than it normally did.

You cared more than you should have.

They would say things like, “Isabel has bad character and good character.” “Her bad character is more than her good character.” “You’re improving, your bad character is reducing.”

And so on and so forth.

You would always try to adjust your personality based on what people said about you. If you were very playful, you would try to be quiet. Often times, your attempt to adjust your personality based on what they had said, never gained their satisfaction. Whatever you did, someone still had something to complain about. It was exhausting but you kept at it because what people called you, defined you and all you wanted, was to be called good.

But 10 years later, you’ve realized that people’s words are not a definition of who you truly are. Rather, God’s word is what truly defines you and as you behold, you become.

I can’t believe that you held people’s words so dear to your heart that it made you defensive. When people gave negative feedbacks, your brain immediately interpreted it as, “I am bad. I have not been doing well. They don’t see all my effort to be good. I am a bad person.”

One negative feedback for you, cancelled all your good attributes. You couldn’t take simple corrections for what they were, without beating yourself up or withdrawing into your shell. You laughed with everybody because you have a vibrant personality but when it came to letting people truly see you, you hid. You were afraid of truly being seen because you thought that when people truly see you, they would realize that you’re not such a good person and leave.

And when you offended your friends, you would panic because you thought they were going to leave you. Being good meant that you would have people around you and having people around, meant that you were good.

The desperate need for validation is a reflection of a heart that has been bruised badly by harsh and condescending words. It’s a reflection of a heart that secretly nurses insecurity or the thought that they are not enough.

For the longest time, this was you but praise be to God who remains our source of healing.

You let people words define you, forgetting that God had already defined you and His words doesn’t change.

I do not blame you, rather, I wish to hug you and comfort you. I wish to tell you that those harsh words spoken to you in anger, were not true. I wish to tell you that God’s word has the highest authority over your life, not your mom, not your dad and definitely not your friends. But I’m glad that you know all these now, I’m glad that you are now learning to see yourself in God’s image.

There are so many lessons you’ve learnt from all that has happened. One of which is that people sometimes project their insecurity on others, in the guise of giving feedbacks. Not everybody that comes to give a feedback mean it sincerely. Some people feel insecure when they see a person who carries themselves with dignity and rather than honoring such person, they immediately think, “Why is this person doing too much? What are they feeling like? This person is proud.” Mind you, the person being called proud has yet to do anything that indicates such. However, the one who is making such judgement probably feels challenged or small in the presence of that person.

Rather than examining where such feeling is stemming from, they project it to the other person who has clearly done nothing wrong. Humans sometimes make harsh conclusion based on the lens through which they view life. If a person regards themselves as a victim, everybody would automatically be a villain in their story, whether they intended to or not. This reminds me of that scripture that asks us to take of the log of wood from our own eyes before trying to take off others because truly, how can you really see when there is a log of wood in your eyes. People who view the world through a lens of trauma, would often have a wrong judgement on people’s personality.

You would know this well because you have made such mistake in the past. You watched her answer a question boldly in class, the way she carried herself and the way she never cowered in fear. Your conclusion was that she was proud but thank God for the Holy Spirit who leads us to truth always. After a closer examination of your heart, you realized that the issue was not with her but with you. You felt challenged so instead of honoring and celebrating her, you called her proud.

You too have been called proud for just existing and carrying yourself with dignity. If you could get a dollar for how all the times someone walked up to you and said, “I thought you were proud but you’re actually really friendly”, you would be a billionaire. In this part of the world, bold and beautiful people are seen as proud and not for who they truly are.

Anyways, you hated being misunderstood so of course you tried to adjust for people.

That leads us to the next lesson you’ve learnt. It is the biggest delulu to believe that you will be loved by all, and that everybody would always understand you. Jesus, the greatest man to have walked this earth with the best intention, was often condemned and accused of blasphemy. So, who do you think you are that people would always applaud you. I think it’s a sign of subtle pride when we always want to be applauded. A person can mean well, and try to do everything right and still be misunderstood. Jesus died for the whole world, yet there are people who still curse Him. I’m pretty sure that there’s nothing you can do to top that so why even bother?

One thing I’m learning about Jesus is that He knew who He was. He was so confident of who He was, what He had been sent to do, and who had sent Him on that assignment. When the pharisees misunderstood Him, it didn’t stop Him from doing what He had been sent to do simply because, He knew who He was.

Another thing to note is that humans often change their mind. Wasn’t it the people who Jesus healed that ended up crucifying Him? Man’s opinions are often changing and it would do anyone a great disservice, to center their life based on people’s opinions.

This doesn’t mean that corrections should be discarded, absolutely not. However, it is important that one already has a firm understanding of who they are in Christ, so people’s opinions don’t become the lens through which they view themselves.

Man will always have things to say but what matters most is what God has said, and is still saying. There are situations when people may applaud you but God is displeased with you. If you’re too focused on what people have to say, you’ll get carried away and not pay attention to God’s warnings. If reverse is the case, you would always look down on yourself when God has exalted you with His words.

Looking at the character of King Saul closely, it is evident that he battled with insecurity and because of that, he always cared for what people had to say. When David began to gain more popularity than him, he became jealous because the people’s praises had shifted from him to the shepherd boy. It was the need to gain the people’s validation that led him to listen to the people’s voice over God. That led to his eventual downfall.

You’ve learnt to let the word of God be your standard when dealing with negative feedbacks. So, if someone says something contrary to what God has said about you, you do not define yourself by what they’ve said. Rather, you listen with humility and with the help of the Holy Spirit, work on what needs to be worked on. This is different from editing your personality or trying to please people. This is about understanding who you are and letting that understanding guide the way you see yourself in the face of criticism.

What has God said about you?

That you are the light of the world. That you are the salt of the earth. That you are made in His image and this means you have His nature. That because you believe in Jesus, you now have eternal life which is the God-kind of life (Zoe life). This is what has been set in stone concerning you, this is not changing anytime soon. This is your reality. Therefore, your character is shaped by the word of God.

Rather than caring so much about what people have to say, you’re learning to stay on the word of God and behold Him. It as you behold that you become. It is not by trying to do good that you bear the fruit of the Spirit, it is by intimacy. The more you stay with Him, the more you are transformed by His love.

You wasted so much time trying to be acknowledged for trying to be better, you wasted so much time trying to be called good. It doesn’t matter anymore because you have found light. Some persons may never call you good but now you know who you are. You know that even when you make mistakes, it doesn’t mean that you are less of who God has called you.

Also, you’ve realized that people won’t always give feedbacks the same way. Some would be harsher than necessary and while I don’t support harsh corrections, it is maturity to be able to take the important message without needing it to always be diplomatic. Genuinely, some people don’t care for your feelings when giving corrections but if we pay attention to those corrections, we will see glimpses of truth. It is not the best method, but for the sake of your growth, you’ve learnt to accept it with humility. It is one of those cases when you would need to turn the other cheek.

Most importantly, you’ve learnt to define yourself based on God’s word, and also learnt to discern who truly seeks to correct you. Like your present friends, they will tell you the plain truth and you will know with all your heart that they love you, because they never bring you down with their words.

And to you who is reading, I hope you learn to let God’s word define who you are.

The word of God remains the same forever, and He has already defined who you are.

I know that growing up, your parents may have been harsh with their words, and you’ve learnt to see yourself through the lens of those words but that is not who you are.

The moment you accept those words as your truth, you start to become them.

You are not rude, you are not proud, you are not bitter, you are not a cause for sorrow,

You bring joy, you are light, you are love, you are the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus, you are a royal priesthood, a Holy nation and a chosen generation.

This is what I want you to focus on because as you dwell on this, everything that doesn’t look like Christ begins to fade away.

We are not trying to be good people, we are trying to be Godly people, to be like Christ.

We are not righteous because of our works but because of Christ in us. And as we stay in fellowship with Him, He begins to live through us.

Stop trying to be good, instead stay in fellowship with Him, behold him, and let His love transform you into His image.

Love & Light,

Belle.

Author’s Note: To anyone that is battling insecurity, please submit it to the Lord so He can heal your heart. Trauma is not your fault but healing from it becomes your responsibility. Why? Because it can easily turn to a tool that devil can use against your destiny. If you’ve battled with rejection, anytime somebody is chosen and you’re not, you will interpret it negatively. That can easily breed envy and other things that does not please the Lord. In this generation, we focus so much on anointing and power and pay less attention to character. Our character if not shaped by the word of God, is shaped by traumatic experiences and this can work against us. So please, submit it to the Lord. Let Him mend your broken heart.

Hey you,

Remember that spelling bee competition you had during summer coaching? You were about to enter Jss2 or was it Jss3?

You sat on the podium looking confident but internally, you were a wreck. Genuinely speaking, you didn’t want to participate in the competition but you had been unanimously nominated by your classmates. Afterall, you were one of the smartest kids in class so why not? But you see, a person can be excellent in algebra, in essay writing, in comprehension passages, in tenses, and still struggle with spellings. Unfortunately, that was you.

You were not terrible at spellings but it was also not your strength. You mixed letters, and sometimes omitted them but you didn’t want to loose face in front of your classmates, in front of the school so you obliged to their plea. Plus, your mom was the school’s administrator and was once a teacher. Anyone who’s ever been a teacher or pastor’s child, would understand the pressure and expectations that came with it. Apparently, you happen to be both.

“Spell embarrassment.” The anchor’s voiced echoed through the auditorium.

You tightened your grip on the microphone, counting the letters on your fingers before answering.

“E-M-B-A-R-A-S-S-M-E-N-T”

“Is that your final answer?”

You scanned the audience, hoping a friend would give you a sign that you had it right. Instead, they were either whispering among themselves or not paying attention. Everyone except one person. She was a one time friend and classmate, turned senior. She mouthed some words to you but you couldn’t make out what she was trying to tell you.

Anyways, you guessed that she was trying to correct your spelling so you replied the anchor, “No ma, let me try again.”

“You have 30 seconds left.”

“E-M-B-A-R-R-A-S-M-E-N-T”

“Is that your final answer?”

You looked to your one time friend who sat in the front row, trying to offer you assistance. She shook her head negatively, a sign that she disagreed with what you spelt.

“Time up!” The anchor spoke before you could reply her.

“You are wrong, the correct spelling is E-M-B-A-R-R-A-S-S-M-E-N-T”

Not long after, the competition ended and you lost. You were too embarrassed to make eye contact with anybody so you bolted out the door already in tears. You hid in the school’s toilet and after much persuasion from a classmate, you went to mummy’s office.

You didn’t mention the result of the competition to her, but you didn’t have to. The anchor who was also a teacher in the school, came to mummy’s office not long after you had entered, and told mummy the details of the competition.

“So you can not spell embarrassment?” She directed the question at you.

“See the way you left and started crying, big girl like you.” She continued while you remained silent, refusing to give in to tears again.

Mummy looked at you at that point, “Why did you cry? In front of the whole school.”

That was when it hit you. You didn’t just fail at the spelling bee competition, but you also embarrassed yourself by crying in front of the whole school. So, you were not just the girl that couldn’t spell embarrassment, but also the one that couldn’t accept defeat and therefore became a cry baby when she lost at a competition.

Suddenly, the urge to remain within the confines of your room and never show yourself in public overwhelmed you at once.

Surely, you were going to be the laughing stock of the entire school and in the days that followed, you waited for somebody to walk up to you and make fun for of you. No one did, it was like the competition and your tantrum afterward, never happened.

But 9 years later, what you do realize is that nobody cares as half as we think they do.

Many times, when we fail at something, we think the whole world has made a verdict on us and somehow, the shame that comes with failing is what traps us from stepping up to do better.

That was you. You were so stuck in your head, thinking about what everybody had to say about that incident. What kept you trapped wasn’t just that you didn’t win, it was the fear of what people would say. It was the fear that people would conclude that you were not really smart. It was the shame that came with failing when you’ve always be called the smart kid.

I wish that you didn’t bolt out the door in the way you did. I wish that you smiled through it and saw it as a challenge to do better, rather than a defeat. Because what you’ve realized now as a soon to be adult, is that people are not moved by a person’s failure rather, they are moved by the next line of actions a person takes when they are faced with defeat.

People remain stuck in moments when they failed to achieve a goal. They keep thinking, “How could I have failed?” “What will people think?” “No one who would trust me again.” All of which becomes a stronghold in their mind, keeping them from moving forward.

Therefore, the ability to fail forward is a must-have skill for everyone. Failing forward simply means choosing not to remain stuck in moments of failure, but intentionally choosing to forge ahead. This is something you’re learning and it has been of great help to you. When you fail at something, rather than sulk and throw yourself a pity party, you take it as an indicator that there is something to do better.

Failure becomes an opportunity for growth instead of an avenue to drown in self-pity. While it is good to be in touch with our emotions and address feelings of disappointment in such moments, it is important to not waste so much time sulking. The time wasted crying over spilled milk, can be used to seek counsel or critically analyze what needs to be done better.

In-fact, a truth that has dawned on you is that, it is pride for one to think they are above failing. Scripture says, “Pride goes before a downfall.” This means that a person filled with pride, has exalted themselves so much that they think they are above failing which is the very thing that leads to their fall.

You’ve learnt that the reason why you may be so stuck on people’s verdict is because their praises fuel your ego. So, you fear failing because that would mean that instead of receiving praises, critics would become the other of the day. But you’re learning that caring so much about what people have to say would only keep you stagnant, rather than getting you to your desired destination. What matters isn’t what people say or how they react because at the end of the day, you’re not living for them.

Also as humans, sometimes we win some, sometime we lose some, it’s just life. What is important is that you don’t stop moving because a moving man will always meet his luck.

And to you who is reading,

I hope you realize that your failures don’t define you. I hope you realize that failing sometimes, doesn’t mean your success moments were a fluke. I hope you learn to focus on what that moment is teaching you rather than what people have to say.

Because in the grand scheme of things, all of those things don’t matter. What truly matters is what you choose to do after because it is in that moment, that you are really being made.

It is in that moment you choose resilience over stagnation. It is in that moment that true growth comes.

What we often forget in our quest for success is that a casting down comes before a lifting up. So, when you fail, it is not the end. It is only just the beginning.

Don’t stop building because of a setback.

Love & Light,

Belle.

Hey you,

Remember when your secondary school teacher said, “You think you know what you want in a partner now, but as you grow older, you’ll realize that what you thought you wanted, isn’t what you actually want.”

I remember you vehemently disagreeing with him because unlike some of your peers, you were pretty mature in your reasoning. However, one thing you failed to take cognizance of was that you were still a teenager, and being a teenager meant that there was still a lot more to learn about yourself.

I remember you fantasizing about marrying your first love. Back then, he was your dream man and no one could have convinced you otherwise.

But 5yrs later, you’ve realized that the kind of partner you choose is deeply connected to how well you know yourself.

After secondary school, you had enough time on your hands so you invested it in fellowshipping with God, and asking Him to reveal who He created you to be. While meditating on all that God had revealed to you, one truth sat firmly in your heart.

You couldn’t just be with anybody, you couldn’t just marry a person simply because you admired them. Spiritual alignment became a very important factor in choosing a life partner.

I remember you sending a voice note to your mentor saying, “I know who I am! I can’t just marry anybody. I need to marry a person who will steward my destiny. Also, God won’t let me marry just anybody. Whoever He approves of, means that He trusts that person with my destiny.”

After this revelation, the way you handled romantic conversations completely changed. Your focus shifted from how they made you feel, to if there was alignment in purpose.

Now, this does not mean that you have completely discarded feelings when it comes to romantic relationships. Rather, as you’ve grown, your feelings have become guided by convictions rather than impulse. You have now clearly defined your non-negotiables; Spiritual Intimacy, Emotional Intimacy, Physical Intimacy, Cerebral Intimacy and Recreational Intimacy. These are the core areas of compatibility that matter most to you because they reflect the kind of relationship you hope to build.

When spiritual alignment in marriage is mentioned, people mistake it for the ferociousness of tongues that a person blasts when praying, or the title they hold in church. But no, it is more than that.

You’ve realized that you are not merely marrying a pastor, you are marrying someone who would be your friend, someone who would also be your husband, and many more. Therefore spiritual alignment or intimacy, is not just about how long a person can pray. It is about their love for God, about the fruit they bear.

It is about how they fit in your life and destiny. Because a person can love the Lord and bear the fruit of the Spirit, yet, they are not tailored for your destiny. You’ve met wonderful people that would have made good partners. Yet, nothing romantic came out of it simply because the role they were to play in your life was that of a friend and nothing more. This is why spiritual discernment is important.

Your preference in choosing a partner was deeply tied to what you knew about yourself. Your first love was everything you wanted because he reflected the season of life you were in and what you valued at the time.

Then, as you grew in your walk with God, He began to renew your mind. The more you discovered your identity in Christ and the purpose He had entrusted to you, the more your standards evolved. Suddenly, some people could never be an option for you because there was no alignment. The word of God became your standard for what an ideal partner looked like.

And to you who is reading,

I hope you allow the word of God define your standards of what an ideal partner looks like. But for this to happen, you have to first discover who you are in Christ and define what your values are.

Sometimes, the reason why a person keeps settling when choosing a partner is because they are yet to discover the kind of life that they have been called to live, and what that live requires.

And if you are that person, this is a sign to stop hopping from relationship to relationship, and actually spend time with the Lord. Let Him reveal yourself to you because until you understand your purpose, it’ll remain difficult to discern who should journey with you in life.

I may not know who I’ll marry, but I definitely know who I will not marry.

It should be the same way with you too. You may know your partner’s name or what they look like, but from the knowledge you have about yourself as revealed by God, you would know who you shouldn’t marry.

I genuinely hope that before choosing a partner, you choose to know yourself first. because only then can you choose right.

Love & Light,

Belle.

Hey You,

Remember when you used to be ashamed to talk about love? It felt wrong for a teenager to talk about love, the topic was off bounds. Afterall, you were just 15 years old. What does a 15 years old know to even desire love?

But there was this ache within you that you couldn’t put to words. Sometimes, you would cry, not out of pain but out of longing. It’s not that you wanted to get into a relationship immediately. Rather, you looked forward to the day when you would say, “I DO” to the one whom God has trusted you with.

You’ve always been expressive, so you tried to talk about this with your friends when such conversation came up. However, after such conversations, your friends’ responses often made you feel like you were asking for the impossible. Or that you lacked focus, and that love shouldn’t be a topic of discussion for a teenager. While some of your other friends understood at least a tad bit of what you felt, your beliefs often diverged. You believed (still do) in not merely pursuing your feelings but waiting for God’s go-ahead. Others believed in exploring a relationship simply because that was how they felt.

It wasn’t until you joined a Christian group chat in 2020, for teenagers, that you met like minded people who had same desire as you. Everyone talked about their desire for love and marriage freely, and were also firm in their convictions to pursue a Godly relationship.

Despite having a community that shared your convictions and desires, you still struggled with the feeling that it was wrong to long for the day you would be in love and be happily married to someone who reflected God’s heart for you, especially as a teenager.

But 6 years later, you now understand that having a desire to love and be loved at whatever age, is not a bad thing. Rather, it is what you do with such desire that determines whether it is good or bad.

It was a journey getting here, but over the years, you’ve become more expressive about your desire to one day be married. Not just being married, but to experience a love that remains evergreen and to build a family that stands as an emblem of God’s Kingdom.

The reconfiguration of your mindset began with your first love. That day, you were having your quiet time and you were praying for him. In the midst of your prayer, you confessed that you loved him. You panicked because that confession wasn’t planned, it just came out.

What’s that scripture again? Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks.

“How can I love him? I’m just a teenager, I take it back.”

Those were your exact words to God. But God in response to you, began to show you the characteristics of love. Love is patient, Love is kind, Love does not harbor evil, Love does not boast… If you exhibited all these things, then truly, you loved him.

Yet, you refused to admit that you loved him. I remember Euphemia telling you then, that it was not a question of whether you loved him or not. Rather, it was a question of what you would do with how you felt.

In her words, “It’s true that as we mature, our understanding of love broadens but I don’t think you’re incapable of loving simply because your a teenager. I understand what African elders mean by teenagers can not be in love because we’re still young. But if you love your mom and that is true, and you love your friends and that is also true, then you can love him. It’s just a different kind of love.”

You thought about what she said and found truth in it but what finally convicted you, was when you stumbled upon Ezinne Zara’s youtube channel. The specific video you watched was, “God spoke to me about him when I was 19…” This was a video about how she met her husband and how God had spoken to her about him. After watching that video, you were immediately convicted that everything that you had long for, was possible to have, and was also God’s will.

You sent a very long voice note to Euphemia, screaming about the conviction you felt within you. You were not crazy after-all, and Ezinne and her husband, became a mirror of possibility of what you could one day have in marriage.

However, since then, you’ve also learnt a few lessons about love and the desire for marriage.

While being able to love and having the desire to be loved, is not limited to a specific age, it is important to note that love is a decision that must be made with great responsibility. We can feel love when we form a new connection with somebody, or in the heat of a moment when sparks are flying all around. However, love becomes true when it is a constant decision made in good and bad times.

Therefore, because it carries such great responsibility, demanding steadfastness, selflessness and sacrifice, it is important to cultivate a deep sense of self-awarness before making such a decision.

Self discovery is an essential part of preparing to love another person. It allows you to understand your values, convictions, strengths weaknesses, aspirations, and the kind of life you desire to build. Without that understanding, it becomes difficult to discern whether you and another person are truly compatible beyond the emotions of the moment.

Hence, teenagers are advised to stay away from romantic relationships. It’s not because love is reserved for adults, but because adolescence is a season of significant self discovery and growth. As people mature, their values, priorities and sense of identity are refined. Someone may commit to a relationship at a younger age, only to discover that they have grown in a different direction from their partner, which may lead to separation.

A caveat to this is that this is not merely a matter of age but of identity and marriage. There are couples who began their journey as teenagers and have built joyful and lasting marriages. Likewise, there are those who met young and eventually divorced. In the same way some people marry as adults and remain happily married, while others marry later in life and still separate. Age alone is not a guarantee of a thriving relationship.

When scripture encourages us not to awaken love before its ripe, it’s not a matter of age but of alignment.

Alignment to divine timing and seasons, alignment to God’s plan and purpose for your life.

For some, growing alongside a partner, is God’s will for them. While for others, individual growth is what God desires for them. What remains important is that the decision to love, should be made with wisdom, and in alignment with God’s will.

Also, concerning your desire for marriage, you’ve submitted it to God. Desiring marriage is not wrong whether young or old. However, this desire should be submitted to God because when we delight ourselves in the Lord, He’ll grant our desires. Psalm 37:4

You’ve also come to learn that while it is not wrong to desire marriage even at a young age, each season comes with its area of concentration. In the season when you should be building, if you are doing otherwise then that’s a sign of misplaced priorities. This re-emphasizes submission to God because when we submit, He helps us to prepare well. Preparation could be praying about it while you’re building career.

And to you who is reading,

I hope you know that desiring love or marriage is not something to be ashamed of. God is the one that created marriage and love, He created it with us in mind. The first time He spoke of companionship, was because He saw that it’s not good for man to be alone. He was thinking about us.

I hope you are also able to create an atmosphere where teenagers around you, can speak freely about their desires for love and marriage. This is important because when they feel safe, they speak freely and then, you are able to guide them in truth.

Above all, I hope you stay in perfect alignment to God’s will, as you wait for the fulfillment of His promise towards you.

Love & Light,

Belle.

Hey you,

Remember your first love? How he broke your heart? It was your sweet sixteen.

Actually, there had been moments leading up to it, but it was exactly at 12am on our birthday, that the final straw broke the camel’s back.

You thought that was going to be the end of the world for you. You were extremely hurt and felt very betrayed by him, and by God. Yes, God, because you had spoken to God about your feelings and there was no “NO”. But now that I think about it, there was no yes either. It was more of a thing of God using that season to teach you what you needed to know about love, boundaries, and yourself.

And truly, you learnt a lot during that season. You became patient because you loved. It was beautiful to watch you being transformed simply because you loved him. And because you wanted to keep it pure, you chose to honor God and your parents. You decided that you two were not going to be in a relationship without informing your parents, but you were friends aware of each other feelings. That is what they call a situation-ship these days, or is that a talking stage?

Anyways, the absence of a label did nothing to lessen the severity of the pain when it happened. However, before it all blew up in your face, before it all turned sour, you knew that the whole thing wasn’t going to be forever. It felt like an impression in your heart. In fact, you had dreamt about the two of you, the whole process, the rosy moments, and even the possible challenges the two of you would face, which would eventually lead to the end of things.

Yet it hurt, you wished that it had happened another way. You wished you could have loved without having to lose. You wished God had given you head-ups, but He did, you were just not sensitive enough to pick the full picture.

You went lean and nursed a broken heart for about a year, there was no coming out of it.

But 5 years later, you’ve learnt that what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.

You were 16 years old, and from where you stood at the time, heartbreak seemed like the biggest challenge life could possibly throw at you. It was tough to handle, you cried at random moments when something triggered a memory. On somedays, you had interest for nothing. And the worse part was having to pretend you were okay because you knew your parents would ask questions you didn’t know how to answer.

Recently, you sat down thinking back to those times and you realized that you conquered. You didn’t die, you didn’t stop loving. If anything, your capacity to love has expanded.

What you thought was going to end you, was the beginning of a new thing. What you thought you would never recover from, helped you learn yourself better.

You’ve learnt that God doesn’t let certain things happen because He wills for us to go through pain but because He knows that with Him in the picture, pain doesn’t stand a chance in breaking us. Rather, it becomes a tool He uses for our becoming.

One question that stayed on your heart in that season was, “Why do bad things happen to good people?” “Does that mean that there is no God or does that mean that God is not really a good God?”

The answer is simple; We live in a fallen world so bad things will always happen whether you’re good or bad. As a matter of fact, God didn’t promise a life without tribulations. What he does promise us is that in the face challenges, we would overcome.

1John 5:15 emphasizes that we are of God, and that the whole world lies in the power of the evil one.

Ephesians 2:2 emphasizes how that we once walked with the prince of the power of the air, the spirit who is now at work in the sons of disobedience, to work against God’s purpose. Revelation 12:9 & 12, John 12:31, 14:30 and 16:11, also identifies the devil as the ruler of this world.

Since devil is the ruler of this world, then evil will surely persist.

Why then are we Christians if evil still persists?

Matthew 5:13-16, talks about how we are the light of the world and the salt of the earth. If there was no darkness, would there be need for light? In the beginning, God saw that the world was covered in darkness and He said, let there be LIGHT. If food lacked taste, the solution is to season it with salt.

Therefore, if your complaint is that there is so much evil around you, it’s an indicator of one thing. You are not shinning your light, and you are yet to start walking in purpose.

An indispensable truth you’ve also come to understand is that Salvation is the end of an old life, and the beginning of a new life which the devil is always trying to attack.

1Peter 5:8-9 admonishes us to be sober and vigilant because devil our adversary, roams around like a roaring lion looking for whom to devour.

This and many more scriptures paint a clear picture of how the enemy constantly tries to attack us, and also warns us not to let our guards down. The devil is not happy that we’ve been reconciled back to God, through our faith in Jesus so he is constantly trying to attack us.

But here’s a truth, we do not fight for victory, we fight from victory.

What God does promise us is peace and His presence. Because of Him, we will definitely come out as a victor. This means devil can try all he wants, in-fact, he’ll try over and over again but all effort will be futile because our victory comes from the cross.

You’ve come to understand your identity in Christ, just like what John 1:12 says, “But as many as received Him, to them He gave the right to become children of God, to those who believe in His name” and also Luke 10:19, “Behold I give you authority to trample upon serpents and scorpions, and over all power of the enemy, and nothing shall by any means harm you.” Through your faith in Christ, you have been exalted to become a son of God and being a son comes with authority. Therefore, when the enemy raises his ugly head, you do not cower in fear.

No! You do not weep and ask why has misfortune befallen you. You rise in authority, as one who understands what Jesus did for you on the cross. You rise as someone who is confident of who they are and you go to war with an assurance that you are already a victor.

Our weapon is the word of God, Ephesians 6:11-12 instructs us to put on the whole armor of God, one of which is the word of God, because we do not wrestle against flesh but against principalities and powers in high places.

So yes, God is good. His love is steadfast and His mercies are new every morning.

The persistence of evil in this world is not as a result of God’s insufficiency rather it as a result of man’s unwillingness to fully partner with Him. As long as we have people who refuse to yield themselves to God, evil will persist because if you’re not for light then you are for darkness.

Remember what God said in the Garden of Eden?

Genesis 1:27-28, Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it, have dominion…

The simple truth is that it has always been man’s responsibility to steward the earth but through disobedience, man relinquished that authority to the devil. That is why Jesus came, to reconcile us back to God, so we can take our place back as the light of the world.

You’re learning to rejoice in the face of challenges because it is a sign that your capacity is being enlarged. From dealing with a heartbreak you thought you’ll never heal from, to dealing with panic attacks that stole sleep away from you yet you are still here, standing. Now, you can confidently draw from those experiences to comfort God’s people.

Truly, what the enemy meant for evil, God turned it for good. Genesis 50:20

And to you who is reading,

Be encouraged for when there is a casting down, there shall be a lifting up. Job 22:29

Be encouraged for as we share in His suffering, we shall surely share in His glory. 1Peter 4:12-14

I hope you know now that God is not the propagator of evil and that when something bad happens to you, it doesn’t mean that He has left you.

He doesn’t want bad things to happen to us but if they do, know that God is faithful and has a plan for you still.

All things work together for the good of those that love the lord. ALL THINGS, even that which was planned for evil, it works for your good. Romans 8:28

When a man’s ways pleases the Lord, He makes even His enemies to be at peace with him. Proverbs 16:7

God is good, not because of what He does. Rather, what He does is the fruit of who He is. His actions flow from His nature. He does good because He is a good God.

Love & Light,

Belle.

Author’s Note: We do not spiritualize pain. God doesn’t need us to be in pain so He can move through us. That is a perversion of scripture. He wishes above all things that we prosper even as our soul prospers. However, scripture balances it well by instructing us to count it all joy when we fall into various trials because the testing of our faith produces patience.

We do not seek God for what He can give but for who He is and God is always close to the broken hearted.

Hey you,

Remember when your friend called you difficult?

I can’t really remember the scenario around the statement. It’s a blur in my mind but that statement stayed with you for a very long time. You were about 16 years old then, and for a young girl who was just learning herself, those words became an identity rather than simply an opinion.

Years passed but you carried it with you, always waiting for somebody to discover that about you like it was an indisputable truth. I don’t blame you though. I mean, even at home, you were sometimes made fun of, “Isabel has always been a cry baby since she was little.” When somebody said something mean and you got offended, the reply would be, “You can’t even take a joke, nawa ooo.” That left you wondering if it was okay to say mean things in the guise of jokes, and conclude that maybe you were really the problem.

Even in class then, your friends would tell you to be strong and not to cry. That if you cried and show that you were hurt, people would intentionally try to hurt you because they knew they would get a reaction.

What this settled in your heart was that YOU were the problem. Not the people who made mean jokes, talked carelessly or intentionally hurt you. None of those people were the problem, it was you who felt deeply and was sincere with your emotions, that was the problem. If you chose to talk about it, it meant you didn’t know how to let things go. If you cried, you were sensitive and emotional, that was not a good thing. Somehow, you were made to believe that you are responsible for people’s actions towards you and how they made you feel.

You believed it.

But 5 years later, you’ve understood that the heart God gave you is a reflection of His heart.

Let me make something clear to you, you’re an empath and a passionate person. So yes, you’ll feel things a little bit more than other people do. You are passionate about everything, there’s no middle ground for you. It’s either you’re all in or you’re out. So of course you’ll love deeply, of course you’ll feel deeply, of course you’ll argue passionately about why jollof macaroni is a valid best food, of course you’ll defend people and be concerned about their issues like it’s yours.

When did being able to identify what you’re feeling and being able to express it, turn into a weakness? When did being able to conceal how you feel turn into strength? This is not to say that expressive people are better than those who would rather not talk so much about how they feel. Neither is it to say that the latter is better than the former.

What you’ve come to understand is that people are made differently. People have different temperaments and also come from very distinct backgrounds. All these things contribute to the overall make up of a person. Therefore, people process emotions differently, some speak about it while some process internally. Some cry while some don’t. None of these is an indicator of strength or weakness, it is just simply a make up of who they are.

You used to be so angry with yourself that you loved deeply and often got hurt. You believed that being sincere in that regard was a problem because people saw it as an opportunity to hurt you. However, through years of consistent fellowship with God, you’ve embraced light and shut off those dirty lies.

Did you feel my rhyme?

The first truth is that feeling deeply and being expressive doesn’t equate to being difficult or weak. One day, you cried to God asking why He gave you this kind of heart. You asked, “Who will ever love me Lord if I’m this way?”

He replied, “I will, and having the kind of heart that you do, is not a problem. I decided to give you such a heart because it is an extension of who I am. You’ll love as I love.”

This made me understand that God leaves an imprint of Himself in His people. Haven’t you wondered how we are all not the same in nature? We bring different shades of color to the world, it’s all an expression of His image. The thoughtfulness, the vibtant personality, the intelligence, the drive, the logic, the ability to feel deeply and love deeply.

Throughout scripture, we see God through Jesus, express all of these. Moments when He wept, when he offered compassion, when He acted unbothered, when He was goal oriented and acted un-emotional about it. All of these where expressed at several moments when the situation demanded it, striking a balance.

That balance is what we often miss and that was something God taught you. He taught you that in as much as you feel deeply, you also have to set boundaries and guard your heart. In fact, it is because of the way your was designed, that you need to set clear boundaries so as to protect yourself from the deception of humans. Wisdom is profitable to direct, you do not give your pearls to those who have not earned it. Therefore, you test character and reduce the expectations you have of people so as to avoid constant disappointment.

You’ve also learnt that in as much as emotional sensitivity is not inherently a weakness, when not balanced, it can quickly become one. What this means is that you’ve learnt to let go because honestly, pursuing every argument just because you want to be understood, will quickly steal your peace and have you constantly questioning yourself. You’ve learnt that not everybody will understand you, own up to a wrong they did or even choose to be accountable when you communicate how you feel. Some would opt for gaslighting rather than sincerity. Sometimes, intentionally while some don’t just know better.

You’ve learnt to prioritize having sincere conversations with those who have proven that they truly value the relationship they share with you.

You’ve learnt that not everybody is emotionally intelligent so as someone who is, you respond rather than react. You’ve also learnt not to be careless with words simply because you are more expressive than the average. You’ve learnt to explain how you feel clearly, drawn a clear line on what is acceptable and not acceptable.

And most importantly, you’ve learnt that love is not easily irritated (1 Corinthians 13:5). So, it’s not everything you pick on. So, you make excuses for people and give them grace. So, you gauge discussions before approaching it. It is not the same has harboring things in your heart, it is simply understanding that somethings are honestly just a joke and are not worth pursuing.

Because at the end of the day, you and your friends should be able to make jokes without an apology or explanation attached to every statement. This does not mean that it’s okay to make mean jokes or careless remarks but you’ve recognized that while it is good for those around us to season their speech with grace, sometimes, we also react to things based off past experiences that we have not healed from. So, a friend can make a joke and honestly mean well but because you are receiving it through the lens of trauma, you become offended.

Two truths can coexist, people who make careless remarks because they are telling a joke or because they want to be honest, are absolutely wrong. You do not wound a soul because you want to speak truth or be praised for being funny. The truth is meant to bring light and a joke should be medicine to the soul because it makes people light hearted. When either of the two does something contrary, there is a problem. The second truth is what I have stated above, you must continually examine yourself and see that you’re not responding from a place of trauma so everything doesn’t become a trigger to you.

And to you who is reading,

I hope you become unashamed of who you are.

I have come to realize that those people that often act unbothered about remarks or act like no comment made in passing had an effect of them, often have a lot of unresolved emotions underneath. Again, this is not to say that those who speak up are living much better lives because as we’ve earlier established, people have different ways they process emotions. No one is better than the other.

However, if crying is what makes you feel better then by all means, cry yourself a bucket. If speaking up helps you resolve things, then speak up. As a matter of fact, scripture does encourage us to speak up rather than pretend that there is no elephant in the room.

This scripture emphasizes speaking up!

Truthfully, some people will never acknowledge that they hurt you even though the did not intend to. What you do in those situation is forgive them as God has commanded then with wisdom, set clear boundaries.

I hope this answers those quiet questions in your heart. Above all, I truly hope that you maintain the purity of your heart because that is what matters the most. Whether you chose to be expressive or to process things quietly, what matters most is that your heart remains fully surrendered to God. One that harbors no evil, one that receives His seed and continually bear its fruit.

Above all, God desires a pure heart.

Love & Light,

Belle.

Author’s Note: Why it is important to acknowledge that you hurt a person’s feelings even though you did not intend to, is because in as much as we have good intentions, we must also understand that the impact of our words and actions are as important as our intentions.

I want to recommend two books for us; Why You Act The Way You Do & Spirit Controlled Temperaments by Tim LaHaye.

Hey you,

Remember when your classmate in secondary school poked your stomach and said, “Look at how big your stomach is.” You were 17 years old then and in ss3. For a girl of your age, comments on your body sat a little too close to home.

You left his class and went back to yours. You sat quietly on your seat, resting your head on your desk. Your best friend immediately noticed something was wrong and asked that you share what had made you quiet. You did and she went to war on your behalf.

Thinking back to that moment, you genuinely know that he meant no harm. He was your friend and not one of those bullies. He apologized and acknowledged that it was a careless comment.

But was that all there was to it? Was it just that it was an insensitive comment or was it also that you had always been insecure about how you looked, hence his comment had more impact than it should have?

Growing up, you were always called FAT. And genuinely speaking, you’ve always looked bigger than your age and peers but let us clarify some terms before I continue.

There’s a reason why certain people are referred to as average height and others are called tall. Average height represents the expected or typical height for a given group (often broken down by sex, age, region, or nationality, since averages differ across those). So when someone is called tall, it is a comparison against that calculated expectation; they're measurably above the norm for their reference group. So I ask, if tall is not seen as inherently bad, then why is fat seen as something that is inherently bad?

Based on research, one can be fat but not obese. Obesity is a situation where the added body fat is considered a health risk. That is being overweight and not fat. The misunderstanding around these terms is because people are focused on beauty standards, and therefore misconstrued what these terms mean in their actual sense.

Fat, slim, short and tall, are just simple descriptions and are not diagnosis for what is good or bad.

When I look at old pictures, I realize that you were not overweight, you were just bigger than your peers so you were called fat and that description based on societal standards, meant that something was wrong with you. You’ve always had a natural confidence but there were still somethings that made you feel insecure, like being called fat.

I think that it was not just about being called fat. I think it was more about the way people said it. You know those comments that always thrown around causally but has an undertone meaning, “See as you black, nobody go fit see you for night.” “See as you slim, breeze go just dey blow you.” ‘‘Orobo ki bo. See as you be like bread wey dey soak inside water.”

There was a boy who lived in your neighborhood when you were in primary school. He would always make fun of you and tell you that you were fat, like there was a problem with that. Even when boys talked about their type in school, they would always make fun of the ones who had bigger statures. Family occasions too, carried conversations filled with careless remarks about your body size. It felt like there was an unsaid expectation of how you should look like.

Having a perfectly flat tummy and being slim, mattered so much to you that you went on a fruit fast in Jss1. I commend you for being so disciplined that you ate fruit throughout Jss1 first term. One would say that is healthy living but we both know that your motive was not healthy living, it was fitting in.

But 4 years later, you’ve concluded that you are fearfully and wonderfully made. And that, is absolutely enough!

You’ve accepted that not everybody can be slim and that being bigger than average is not a bad thing. I mean, we both know that you take after grandpa who is huge, and tall. You’ve understood that genetics play a role in the way you look and that there are different body types.

You’ve learnt to love yourself, your skin, your height, your figure. You’ve truly fallen in love with every inch of you, wide hips, short fingers, pointed nose, societal standards or not, you love it.

This does not mean that you’re living carelessly, eating unhealthy and making excuses for it, saying that it’s your genetics. That would be an absolute joke.

You’ve reorientated your mind, learnt to love yourself but have also adopted healthy living. You watch what you eat, you try to drink more water, you try to walk more. You’ve dropped soda and have intentionally chosen fruits over junks. You also try to incorporate vegetables in your meal and now, you’re trying to get into running.

You started practicing all these, not because you want to fit into a societal beauty standard. Rather, you’re gaze has shifted to what God says about you. It is from that understanding of who you are, that you have chosen to honor God, by taking care of your body. Your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit and a temple is a scared place, one that requires stewardship, love and care. This is a healthier stand point and it has helped pursue healthy living in a way that honors God, and does not seek to please men. 1 Corinthians 6:19

You’re also really excited about being a mother, and you want to give them the best of everything. However, you can’t give what you don’t have so you’ve decided that to have healthy children, you must start leaving healthy.

I’m really proud of you because this is a much more solid foundation to make such decision, rather than letting it be based on what people think. Humans are often double minded.

And to you who is reading,

I want you to spend time looking at yourself in the mirror. Really look and see how beautiful God has made you. What does it mean that you were made in His image? What does it mean that you are fearfully and wonderfully made?

For me, it means that I was carved with intention. He made me in His nature and also carved me with intention. He knows what my life would look like here on earth, and decided that this body is the best vessel to carry the message that He has given me.

This does not exclude disabilities, quirks or characteristics that fall outside society’s idea of normal. I know that certain things can go wrong during pregnancy, that affects the way a child is formed. I also know that one could be in a fatal accident which may result to a life long disability.

It’s okay to grieve your reality but I also want you to know and understand this truth: that though you may be disabled yet you are beautiful.

Beautiful because you have the nature of God, you have His heart and mind. If scripture speaks of God’s splendor and beauty, and you were created in His image, why would you believe that you are not beautiful.

Beautiful because being disabled is not an hindrance to fulfill the purpose that God ordained you for. In this case, you are not just beautiful but useful. God doesn’t see your disability as a limitation rather, He sees it as an opportunity to show the world that He is the one who makes me people worthy. He sees it as an opportunity to exalt Himself in your life.

This reminds me of 2 Corinthians 12:9-10, where scripture says, “My grace is sufficient for you. My power is being perfected in your weakness…”

Another scripture that comes to my mind is Romans 8:28, “And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.” This is proof that this does not limit you. You may not understand it yet but I want you to wait on God with this word and He’ll reveal to you His heart.

Lastly, beautiful because God did not only make your physical frame. He also knit together your unique personality, your vibrant nature and how it lights up a room, the way you notice little things and offer compassion. He made all of that and decided that it was good. Psalm 139:14-18, doesn’t just talk about our physical frame but also God’s intimate knowledge of us.

Yes, you may never fit into society’s beauty standard but let the word of God be your truth above all. This is not to dismiss your reality rather, it is to acknowledge that despite being different, you are loved, chosen and needed by God.

Love & Light,

Belle.

Hey you

Remember that person you thought you would be friends with forever?

Actually, different people.

There’s your best friend from secondary school. At the time, if anyone had told you that secondary school would be the end of your friendship, you would have laughed in their face, insisting it was nothing but a dirty lie. You were certain your bond would outlast the school gates.

There’s your friendship from 100lvl that has completely changed, it’s not the way you thought that it would be and it stings.

There’s also the one who was like a junior sister to you, you talk from time to time but things are very different now and yes, it hurts.

There’s also that guy from 200lvl, you were 18 then. He was dear to you and maybe a little more than a friend. You really believed that by the time you were done with university, you’d still be buddies. In your eyes, nothing could go wrong especially as you felt very safe with him.

Alas! Life doesn’t give us a heads up about what tomorrow would bring. Sometimes, we do everything within our power to make things work out the way we want, but no matter how hard we try, they simply don’t.

You being you, you internalized all of these experiences. You believed that every change or ending had something to do with you. Sometimes, you questioned if you were enough or if you were that bad, that people ended up leaving.

I would say that some of what you felt came from a good place, you’ve always liked to examine yourself and own up to what ever it is that you’ve done wrong. However, many at times, you did this blindly. You examined yourself with a pre-conceived notion that you are flawed and so, people would automatically leave you some day. That was you shooting yourself in the leg.

But 3 years later, you’ve come to realize that you are not responsible for keeping people in your life. You are only responsible for showing up with the right attitude.

This was a hard lesson to learn because you were taught that people leave people when someone behaves badly. And genuinely, there’s an iota of truth in that but it doesn’t leave room for nuances. The reality of life is that you can try your best to keep a relationship but people can still decide to leave.

Why? Simply because at the end of the day, you are not in control of people’s actions. Sometimes, people will decide not to choose you. They will decide not to choose to keep the relationship that you both shared. They’ll choose to walk away from what both of you were building.

And it doesn’t have anything to do with you. Yes, it doesn’t have anything to do with you. It doesn’t mean that you’re not enough. It doesn’t mean that there’s a curse following you around.

While it is good to constantly examine yourself, it is also very important for you to not internalize everything that happens around you. You learnt the hard way to recognize things for what they are, and people for who they are. You can show up in the best way possible for people yet they wouldn’t choose you.

It doesn’t mean that they are bad people. You’ve understood that the world doesn’t revolve around you. Just as you are learning, healing and growing, people are also going through that very same process. Sometimes life brings us into the lives of remarkable people. They are beautiful in many ways, yet they lack the capacity to nurture the kind of relationship our hearts hope for.

In those moments, neither of you is necessary to blame. It’s just life drawing people into a chaotic dance, where timing, capacity and circumstances keep us from moving in step.

You’ve learnt to see beyond the pain of not being chosen. You’ve learnt to give grace where it was needed, offered forgiveness where it was due, and set healthy boundaries where they became necessary. You’ve chosen to be at peace with yourself and with others, rather than harbor resentment and bitterness. That choice has allowed you to keep growing.

There’s also the matter of times and seasons. Another truth you’ve learnt as regards relationships is that some are for a lifetime whilst some are seasonal. Your best friend from secondary school was absolutely amazing. She was your ride or die but despite how beautiful your friendship was, it didn’t survive beyond the gates of secondary school. There was no argument, no bad blood, no grievances. Just a recognition that what you both shared, as beautiful as it was, had reached the end of its season.

Not every relationship is meant to last forever but that doesn’t make it any less meaningful. Sometimes, these seasonal relationships serve as mirrors, revealing what needs healing, where growth is needed, and the parts of ourselves that are still being shaped. Other times, they come as proof that we are capable of being loved wholeheartedly, despite our flaws. That we can be cherished, valued and chosen.

Sometimes, they come to teach us what we truly desire in a relationship. Sometimes, after experiencing different relationships we begin to understand what matters most to us. The qualities we long for, the values we won’t compromise on, and the kind of connection we hope to build.

This is why we must learn to sit with ourselves and process our experiences so that we can truly learn from them and continue to grow. Either ways, some relationships are seasonal but they leave a long lasting impact in our lives.

And because you are still human, sometimes the reason a relationship ends is because you hurt them. For a very long time, you’ve hated the thought of causing anyone pain because you’ve tried so desperately to be good. While this stems from a good intent, what lies beneath is a subtle need to perform, to be seen as a good person and avoid disappointing others.

For you, anytime somebody said you did something wrong, your brain interpreted it as, “I am a bad person.” It made it difficult to forgive yourself so you drowned in guilt and at times, became defensive. Keeping a relationship meant that you were doing well and that you’re a good person.

But you’ve accepted that this being your first life, you’ll make a lot of mistakes in relationships. What matters most is how you own up to them and try to be better. First, in honor of God. Second, for yourself because you can only love your neighbor as you love yourself. And lastly, for people around because you are to love people as God as loves you. (Matthew 22:39) (John 15:12)

However, you’ve also come to the realization that no matter how much you try to redeem yourself, certain relationships will never go back to the way they were. It’s a bitter pill to swallow but it’s truth because you can’t determine people’s response to your apology and you must also understand that their pain is valid. They can either choose to forgive you or not. They can also choose to forgive you but not let you in their space as you once were. That may be the best decision for them.

What you shouldn’t do is conclude that you’re a bad person, or judge yourself through that singular experience. You must learn to forgive yourself rather than drown in self-pity and condemnation.

That shame you feel after doing something wrong is often a sign that your heart is in the right place. The important thing is not let that feeling trap you, where you repeat the same cycle with other relationships simply because you didn’t take the lesson that needed to be learnt. Instead, channel that feeling to the right direction, growth.

Let it teach you accountability. Let it teach you how to handle situations with greater wisdom. Let it teach you to love truly and not perform. Let it teach you to honor and celebrate your friends rather than be jealous of them. Let it teach you to follow peace with all men.

But I must say, despite everything that has happened, you are surrounded with people that wholeheartedly love you. It is proof of God’s love towards you.

And to you who is reading this,

It’s okay to grieve the loss of relationships you thought would last for a lifetime. But you must not be blinded by that loss, that you fail to recognize the new thing that God is doing in your life. (Isaiah 43:19)

It’s okay to recognize what you did wrong, but you must rise from self condemnation so you can truly learn what needs to be learnt. Only then can you truly love people the way that God has commanded.

It’s okay to understand that certain relationships are for a season and to be at peace with that truth. But you almost learn not to be careless with relationships, to rightly discern men because truly, there is a friend that sticks closer than a brother. (Proverbs 18:24)

Love & Light,

Belle.

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Hey you,

Remember that time when our aunty left us to cook in the kitchen?

I can’t really remember what it was. Whether it was vegetable soup, jollof rice or pasta, I can’t recall. But what I do remember was your forehead, covered in beads of sweat as you stirred the pot like your life depended on it.

You kept tasting what was in the pot, trying to make sure it was well seasoned. But somehow, you were not satisfied with the taste. In your defense, you had done everything you could yet something was missing.

“I should call aunty Uche.” You thought to yourself.

But you had called her several times and even though she was your favorite aunty, you were still scared that she’d conclude that a 19years old didn’t know how to cook without supervision. That would be a very embarrassing perception of you.

Still, your fear of making a mistake over a simple dish outweighed your concern of being seen as embarrassing. So, you gave in, you called aunty Uche into the kitchen.

“Aunty Uche, please come and check what I’m cooking.”

“Isabel, I’m not coming.”

“Aunty Uche! Why na!”

“Isabel, cook it like that.”

“What if I make a mistake?”

“Make it like that!”

Frustrated, you turned off the gas. If they wanted to eat poison then so be it!

After eating the meal in agonizing silence, aunty Uche finally broke the spoke, “This food is delicious.”

You kept quiet, trying to suppress a smile from forming on your face. Our aunty noticed that you were still upset so she asked, “Why are you angry?”

Unsure if you should share your raw feelings with her, you remained mute. However, aunty Uche had always been able to make you talk either by saying the right words, or just being there.

“I told you to come and check what I was cooking, you didn’t answer me.”

“Why do you always want me to check what you’re cooking?”

“Because I don’t want to make a mistake! What if I made a mistake?”

“Then it’s fine. It’s okay to make mistakes, that’s how you get better at a thing.”

Thinking back to that incident, you probably think that it’s just about cooking but it’s more than that. You’ve always been like that, always scared to make a mistake in cooking, in friendships, in simple decisions. You’ve always lived like that, carrying each step with caution, not out of intention but out of fear.

But 2 years later, you’ve learnt that making mistakes is inevitable in this journey called life.

It sounds cliché but it’s the plain truth. If you go about life being so avoidant of mistakes, you may end up not making any decision that profits you. And when you do make mistakes, you would be so consumed by it that giving yourself grace, would be impossible.

Think about it this way, life is a kitchen and you are the dish being made to be served to nations, and God is the head Chef. He is in charge of making you and whatever He decides that the outcome would be, that is what it will be.

Cooking a meal takes a process and so many things happen during that process. In the process of preparing a meal to be well-seasoned, certain things are done to achieve the Chef’s (God) desired outcome. Let’s assume that the meal is one that requires frying and in the process of frying, it may start getting burnt. That moment when the meal starts getting burnt during frying, may look like it won’t turn out well. But we can all agree that despite getting burnt, that meal can still turn out well if the necessary actions are taken in time.

Those who cook in the kitchen would understand very well what I’ve explained. This is your sign to start cooking in the kitchen so you’ll understand kitchen gist.

But that’s besides the point. The point is this, the meal getting burnt can be likened to when we make mistakes. Mistakes are not a final verdict, they are an opportunity to redeem one’s self, to grow and evolve, to learn how to handle situations better.

In fact, I’ll say that God sometimes lets us make mistakes. Because what we see as a limitation, God sees as an opportunity to birth a new thing. Now this is not to present God as a magician. God is a God of principle and order, and He requires that we submit to him daily for Him to work through us. So when we don’t yield, God is unable to fulfill His purpose through us, not because He is limited but because we have failed to partner with Him in that regard.

However, scripture says that God’s love is steadfast and His mercies are new every morning (Lamentations 3:23). Scripture is also littered with stories of God offering forgiveness and redemption to people who sinned and made mistakes. A good example is the prodigal son who made a foolish decision by leaving the covering of his father’s house and the Israelites who failed to recognize God’s goodness in every situation thereby earning the wrath of God.

Despite the actions of these people, we see God constantly opening a way for redemption. To the prodigal son, the Father representing God, runs to His son immediately He sights him from afar (Luke 15:11-32). And for the Israelites, God constantly stretches out His hand of mercy to them.

Now, this is not to say that we can continue to dwell in mistakes because of God’s loving nature. A mature son must learn to steward his Father’s business faithfully because that shows that He cares for the Father too. In this case, that is what our relationship with God must develop into. We must move from the point a child who is prone to making mistakes, to the point of a mature son who can share in His Father’s burden.

Another thing we must take note of, is that the Israelites and prodigal son came to a moment of repentance and realization of their need for God before He could step in to redeem them.

So, when we make mistakes, rather than wallowing in it, we must pick ourselves up and run back to God. In Him there is no condemnation (Romans 8:1).

If we view mistakes as an opportunity to partake in God’s mercy, we will stop going through life with a fear of falling or failing. Instead, we would move with an assurance that though a righteous man may fall seven times, he will rise up stronger (Proverbs 24:16).

I am not encouraging you to go about life being careless because God is a merciful God. That is pure deception but sometimes, we don’t intend for certain things to happen yet they do. But other times, we are outrightly careless. However, if we lived very perfect lives, where comes the opportunity to truly experience His divine mercy and relearn His overwhelming Love.

I’ve made so many mistakes in the past years, some of which I am yet to forgive myself for but it was in one of these moments that God whispered to me, “All these things that you see as your mistakes, I see it as an opportunity to purify your heart, to refine you, to show you your heart and preserve you. I never rejected you, I chose you in spite of all these.”

How comforting is it that God does not count my errors as a reason to disqualify me, that He counts it as an opportunity to teach me His ways.

What a good Father He is, because He that the Father Loves, He chastises (Hebrews 12:6).

I never saw it like that so I drowned in guilt, I stayed away from my friends. In fact, few days ago, I cried again because I was consumed by shame but it is very comforting to know that in spite of it all, He chose me and He hasn’t changed His mind about me.

All God needs is our humility, a broken and a contrite heart, He won’t despise (Psalm 51:17).

God doesn’t want us to go about life with the fear of making mistakes, He doesn’t was us to serve Him with that fear. Rather, He wants us to serve Him with a conviction of our identity in Christ and an assurance of His loving nature.

And frankly speaking, a man who is not ready to make mistakes in life, is one who is not ready to truly live.

And to you who is reading,

Let this be your comfort, Hebrews 4:14-16.

This is my favorite scripture because it reassures me of God’s love, His presence and His mercy. He knows it, He feels it, He sees it and He offers mercy in spite of it all.

Sometimes, the reason why people are replaced in Kingdom assignment is not solely because they made a mistake. But because they’ve wasted so much time wallowing in guilt.

Please, come back home. There is love at home.

Love & Light,

Belle

SHE LOVES THE LORD !

Euphemia loves the Lord.

She loves the Lord so much and it is so inspiring. It’s in the way she honors God in every little decision, always thinking about what God would have her do. it’s in the way she intercedes for people! She rarely prays for herself, she’s always praying for people. It’s in the purity of her heart, how she spends time on the word, trying to understand the person of Jesus.

It’s in the way she gives grace to people, in the way she honors and serve her friends. It’s in the desires of her heart, the way she longs to please God. My girl, is a lover girl, and it shows in how she loves God and His people.

SHE’S A GOOFBALL !

This is not just about her being funny, though she is. This is about her being really playful, that she never runs out of weird stuff to do. If she’s not taking selfie with a weird light, she’s making funny faces.

I find it endearing and weird at the same time. She’s has a childlike heart and it reflects in her goofy nature.

SHE IS STRICT !

My girl is always standing on business!

Her strictness keeps me accountable. Many times if I want to do something silly, I stop in my tracks because I know I'm going to tell her what I've done and I know what her reaction would be. So, I act straight else I'll get a good lecture fueled by righteous anger.

Having a friend who keeps you accountable at all times, is a huge blessing from God. Because then, when you want to misbehave, you just know that you have somebody to call you to order.

SHE SPEAKS TRUTH !

One thing about my girl, is that she is sincere at heart and a sincere heart, will never be matched with a lying tongue.

So yes, she speaks truth always. Even down to our relationship. I'm so glad that we've created a safe space, where we can be brutally honest with each other, yet, be kind to one another.

SHE IS FIERCELY LOYAL !

My babe is loyal to the core! She cheers for me like she's the one who has done something remarkable.

She believes so much in what God has said about me and she's committed to seeing it come to pass.

She's loyal to the core! She would do anything, as long as it pleases God, just for me to succeed. She's my Jonathan.

SHE IS SUPPORTIVE !

She's not just loyal, she's also very supportive. She carries my vision on her head like it's hers. If I tell her that I want to do anything, she's already planning ahead of me.

She has been one of the biggest supporters of my business. Moments when I want to give up, she encourages me to continue. There's something so beautiful about having people who believe in your vision, like it's theirs.

Euphemia is that person to me!

SHE IS KIND !

Euphemia is very kind. It's how she makes sacrifices for people, how she gives to people. It's how she never hurts me with her words even when she's mad at me. She would even cry hot tears if I tell her that she hurt me. Because in her words, it would be heartbreaking for her to find out that she hurt me, knowingly or unknowingly.

SHE IS FULL OF JOY !

Exactly like her name, Ayomikun. She brings joy to every space she enters. There's really no dull moment with her. I could be crying and talking to her about something that really hurt me. After she encourages me, the next minute, we're both laughing at something she said.

Euphemia always encourages me. Her words always restore my joy and that's because she has a well of joy in her.

SHE NURTURES !

Mia is a mother, gosh! For somebody who lost her mother so early in life, she has done well for herself and her sister.

The way she cares for her sister, her dad and even me, is very much admirable. She had to fill in those shoes so early in life and yes, it hasn't been easy but she's doing such a great job at it.

My mother of nations! She's gonna have 11 kids, guys.

SHE IS WISE !

Mia is wise and that wisdom is surely from the word of God. One thing I really love about our friendship is that I always receive Godly counsel.

Many times, the Lord has used Euphemia to speak to me. Many times, He has used her words to give me guidance, to save me from destruction and to encourage me.

She's a wise and worded woman!

SHE IS HARDWORKING !

She may not believe this but I see it, and I know it. I love her determination to get things done. I remember when she was in school, she would spend hours in the library, reading, or doing assignments.

I remember when she made her film for final year. It was indeed a trying time but guess who came, saw and conquered?

My girl did!

I believe so much that she can do anything she puts her mind to!

SHE'S A PRAYER WARRIOR !

Euphemia prays! Most times, her first response to anything I tell her is, “Babe, let's pray about it.” One thing I really love about our friendship, is our spiritual intimacy.

We're always praying, she's always praying. Her prayer life has taught me a lot on how to walk with God and wait on Him. It's not dramatic, it's deep.

I can suggest a 3 days dry fast, we'll do it but the way she does hers, is different. She understands what prayer truly is, it's not just blasting in loud tongues. She understands that it is intimacy with the Father. I really love how she walks with the Lord, it challenges me to know God more.

SHE IS INTENTIONAL !

My AnamCara is very intentional.

Last year was a dark season of my life. It was hard to fellowship with God. I knew she prayed for me but I wanted more than her praying for me in her secret place.

I also know that my walk with God is first my responsibility but I wanted accountability too. I communicated my disappointment to her. She didn't get angry or defensive.

Instead, she asked, “How would you like me to hold you accountable?” I explained to her and we tried what I said but it didn't work out well. Then she did something that surprised me.

She adjusted her quiet time to when I usually have mine, 7am. For about two months now, she's been calling me almost every day, by 7am, so I can fellowship with God.

As I write this, tears are gathering in my eyes because what kind of intentionality is that! It's a sacrifice for her because she loves to sleep in. Yet, she chose me over her sleep and comfort. I will never forget this!

SHE IS CONSISTENT !

When you hear me shout about loving consistent people, know that my girl is responsible for it.

Mia is consistent!

I remember when I got heartbroken in secondary school. I was so heartbroken that I couldn't move on, until after a year.

Euphemia was there in all of that! She listened to me talk about the same thing over and over again. She listened to me cry about the same pain over and over again.

She stayed in all of that, and cried with me till I finally healed. It wasn't just that one time though, even now, she's doing the same for me.

I'm very grateful for that because I know that it can be tiresome, listening to the same thing over and over again. But in all of the chaos that life has brought our way, her love has remained steadfast.

SHE HAS FORESHIGHT!

I'll have you know that she is very intelligent!

She has great foresight and that makes her a great administrator. When we were planning a surprise birthday for our mentor, one thing that stood out for me is how she was able to think ahead and proffer solutions to it.

I just met this side of her and it's very interesting. Times when I would be all emotional, she's logical and practical, it's gives balance to the equation.

It's one of the reasons I trust her judgement. When I'm planning something, I run my ideas by her, because I know she'll see what I may have overlooked.

SHE'S A DREAMER !

I mean literally and figuratively.

She literally dreams every night. I find it very amusing. She practically knows the details of her life through dreams. I think it's a super power because she has seen so much through her dreams. I love it for her!

And when she's not asleep dreaming, she's awake, and still dreaming. Some of my favorite memories with her are moments we both lay awake, speaking of the future we hoped for.

The men we would marry, the children we would have, what we want our homes to look like, what it would be like, living in answered prayers.

SHE'S AN EXCELLENT CREATIVE!

I remember when she was making her film, Ayomikun. The way she handled everything, from beginning to the end was excellent.

Things were hard but she never compromised her standards. She understands that being a creative in this kingdom is more than writing stories or making money. She understands that it is about stewardship and she lives by this standard.

The way she treated her crew members, the way she handled every detail with precision, it all spoke excellence.

SHE IS A PEACEMAKER !

If you're ever need somebody to bring down a house to floor level, I'm your girl. But if you need somebody to cause a ceasefire, Mia is your girl.

Okay, I'm exaggerating. But what I am trying to explain is that while I am always ready to go to war, Mia is ready to be a peacemaker.

When we have misunderstandings, she is most often, the first to offer a hand of peace. Even in our family group chat, she hold us together.

It's something I'm learning from her.

SHE IS EVER HUNGRY FOR GROWTH!

She is very inquisitive, she has a listening ear and is always ready to learn.

If that isn't humility, then I don't know what it is. But even more, it shows how hungry she is for growth and I love it!

SHE IS CONFIDENT !

I love this part of her! She's confident on God's word and in herself. There are days of doubts but I love that she as she journeys with God, she grows more confident.

SHE MAKES ME A BETTER PERSON !

Our friendship is a true definition of ‘‘iron sharpens iron''. She truly makes me want to be a better person. She makes me want to be kinder to people, to give grace, to love truly and deeply. To walk with God more intimately.

My AnamCara challenges me to be a better a person in all ramifications. I am truly blessed to have her.

Happy birthday my baby, when I started writing this, I was worried that I would run out of things to write. Here we are, 22 things written down and there is still more to write about you.

I love you so much, happy birthday.