From childhood’s hour I have not been

As others were—I have not seen

As others saw—I could not bring

My passions from a common spring—

From the same source I have not taken

My sorrow—I could not awaken

My heart to joy at the same tone—

And all I lov’d—I lov’d alone—

Then—in my childhood—in the dawn

Of a most stormy life—was drawn

From ev’ry depth of good and ill

The mystery which binds me still—

From the torrent, or the fountain—

From the red cliff of the mountain—

From the sun that ‘round me roll’d

In its autumn tint of gold—

From the lightning in the sky

As it pass’d me flying by—

From the thunder, and the storm—

And the cloud that took the form

(When the rest of Heaven was blue)

Of a demon in my view—

Edgar Allan Poe, “Alone”

In the original Rider-Waite tarot deck, the Sun card is depicted as a joyous unclothed child, sitting upon the back of a white horse. I’ve always found it intriguing that our greatest sense of fulfillment, moments of illuminated consciousness, arrives when we’re embodying an innocently curious, truthful, playfully imaginative, child-like spirit. To the adult mind, curiosity feels rather vulnerable. A simple question reveals a lack of knowledge, information, experience, or even confidence. But, it is that question that signifies inner strength. A willingness towards expansion and enlightenment. Innocence is a very high frequency. But, remembering and reconnecting with our inner child has become a lost practice. Acknowledging the inner child can trigger unhealed wounds, lovelessness, overstimulation by passion, imagination with no creative outlet; perceivably irresponsible and time consuming to the adult mind attached to the ego’s pride. Abandoning the inner child is not maturity, it’s monotonous. A colorless life. Integrating the inner child allows us to imagine, create, and become beyond what’s known. Integration allows us to share the many aspects of our soul fearlessly. It is undeniable that the Vintage Collector, Patty, has found a sense of solace in her child-like wonder. Get to know Patty as she discusses her inner child.

CM: We’ve been friends for some years now, yet I know so little about your upbringing. So, today, I want to get to know younger Patty! What memories and feelings arise when you think about your childhood?

PATTY: I think about Fresno, a lot. I really actually do love Fresno. People usually only pass through. It’s not tiny, but the mentality of the people there is generally a slower pace than LA, New York, or any big city. It’s very diverse. A lot of art. A lot of music. I mostly think about my parents, I have a really special connection with them. I love them to death. Both my mom and my dad. I love being with them, together, we’re all just so funny and silly together. I miss being young and going to yard sales and estate sales with them. I think about that a lot. I think about the school that I went to. I went to a Magnet K-8 Visual and Performing Arts school, that really shaped who I am as a person, now. I think my parents saw I had a visual—

CM: —Creative eye?

PATTY: Yeah! And they nurtured it, which I really appreciate because I did sort of feel kind of different, even when I was really really young.

CM: What do you mean by “different?”

PATTY: I would observe my classmates and my friends, when they were with their families, and I saw a lot of closed-mindedness. I don’t want to call it stubbornness, but an inclination to only do things one specific way. What I really appreciate about my parents is that they, especially my mom because she’s a teacher, would say: "oh it’s okay if you don’t do it. You don’t have to.”

CM: She didn’t force you to do anything.

PATTY: Yeah, she was very accepting if I made a mistake. I knew I couldn’t fuck up, but she was accepting if I did. My mom always finds the good in everything, like, “oh this is a learning experience.” My dad is a lot more ridged. He’s such a perfectionist—and I wanted to be like that too. I wanted to do everything perfect. But, I’m honored to be a combination of them both.

CM: What were some things that you were introduced to, curious or intrigued by, growing up, that really influenced your perception of life and self?

PATTY: From when I was really young, I loved architecture. Especially mid-century and brutalism on a more commercial level. Like a bank or office building, with those grid-like windows, and geometric structure. I find that really satisfying. It really tickles my brain. I would get shoe boxes and make houses out of them. Even with Legos! For the longest time I wanted to be an architect. But then I tried to take Intro to Architecture, in college, and it was the most boring shit ever. In the introductory class, all you learn about are laws and building codes, and I could not keep my eyes open. Now I know, well I highly suspect, that I have ADHD. If I knew how to manage that growing up, who knows where I’d be now! I don’t feel bad about who I am though. I still feel proud of myself—for getting out of Fresno. Fresno is a hard place to get out of.

CM: I’m proud of you!

CM: Do you remember the age you began to explore your identity through clothing? Tell me about that time in your life.

PATTY: I remember, in first grade, I wore whatever my parents put me in, and my hair was super long. In second grade, I wanted short hair, but the person who cut it, she cut it shorter than what I expected—it was like a bob. I cried for like two hours. I felt like a boy. And I don’t know what got into me, because then I was like, “I want to wear a plaid button-down shirt and baggy pants.” That was when I embraced the tomboy in me and started switching up how I dress, how I look.

CM: At what point did the freedom of self-expression supersede all external judgments?

PATTY: A lot of my friend’s parents—

CM: —It’s always someone else’s parent—

PATTY: —would always say what I was doing was weird, but they could never tell me what the problem was. A lot of people only consume what is given and fed to them, they don’t question what other options are available. But, I learned to ignore all of that and carry myself in a way that didn’t allow people the satisfaction of hurting me. People would ask me, “What are you wearing?” “Why are you wearing that?” “What does it do?” Nothing! It just looks cool! It doesn’t have to do anything! Oh, and then the sunglasses thing. I started wearing sunglasses in high school, every day, at night and indoors. I really like to observe people, but I don’t want them to know that I’m staring at them. I also don’t like making eye contact with people. Then it grew into, every different pair of sunglasses is a personality, or mask, or a different costume. There’s endless possibilities.

CM: So, are you using clothing to embody different aspects of yourself?

PATTY: Sometimes, yeah. Sometimes I feel very masculine, and I’ll wear stuff that doesn’t emphasize my body. If I dress more traditionally “feminine” and I do my makeup, I definitely feel like a totally different person. Like, yeah, I’m a fucking bad bitch, watch out! WATCH OUT! Get out of my way! I feel like I carry that energy, regardless of how I dress. But, it is fun playing around with who I’m going to be on any given day. It’s also a useful tool. For work I spend a lot of time around Huntington Park, Vernon area, where there’s a lot of factories. I’m so small, I feel like I have to fight for myself, and demand respect and energy, otherwise people don’t take me seriously, but they should! You should be afraid!

CM: Getting dressed is actually an act of protection for you?

PATTY: Yeah. In a way. But, I also like for people to not be able to figure me out.

CM: What I love about your style is, the result is rather futuristic, but the specifics are vintage. It’s like you have a deep respect for the past, but you aren’t interested in recreating it.

PATTY: That’s actually very important to me in my visual expression. I loved growing up in the 90’s and early 2000’s, living through that time period, I saw the change in mindset. It was cool living in a time where everyone was so hopeful for the future. And then once 2000 hit the internet became such a huge part of everyone’s life. It really ruined everything. But, I love interpreting old pieces, vintage pieces, in a futuristic way because I want to show people you can buy old things and still look relevant and modern. It’s all about how you style it—and how you carry yourself.

CM: What boundaries have you established to prevent yourself from becoming or reliving the past?

PATTY: Inside, in my heart and in my mind, I’m a very nostalgic person. When I get any sense of nostalgia, it’s a really good feeling to me. In the way a liminal space can invoke that type of feeling. I just love feeling that. Because I’m a sensory seeking person and I have a longing for old things, in an emotional way, I don’t feel like I need to recreate the past in the way I express myself or in a visual way. That’s already been a thing, that’s already happened, so how can I preserve an interest and appreciation for those old things? The only way to do that is to reinterpret it into something different—something new. Or something no one has yet to think of. It’s easy to have knowledge of the 60’s or the 70’s and recreate it with historical accuracy. But, I want people to be like, what the fuck!?!

CM: Like a creative challenge?

PATTY: Yes! You can easily watch a movie or a YouTube video and copy and paste—that’s what I want to avoid. I want to avoid being a copy and paste of anything! Even the weird and niche aesthetics are now trends on Tik Tok or IG. You’re literally getting fed all of this shit, as niche as you think your algorithm is, you’re still subconsciously being influenced by it.

CM: It’s actually no longer niche!

PATTY: Yeah! When I was going to school for fashion design and I thought that’s what I was going to do, when I was older, or I guess now, I specifically avoided watching runway shows. Even if I thought of something that someone had already done, I still wanted it to be from my mind—the inside of me. I’m really quick at understanding the visual language of things, but I can never put it into words. I’m really bad at it. But, I think that’s why I care so much about the outfits I put on because that’s the only way I can express myself.

CM: That’s your way of communicating?

PATTY: Yeah!

CM: That’s crazy because I was thinking about that the other day, growing up, because I was so different from my peers, I learned to verbally silence myself. I was just so sick of every time I opened my mouth it was a problem.

PATTY: I feel like that too! And that’s probably the subconscious thing that happened to me too. Like if I just don’t say anything then no one will have shit to say.

CM: Exactly! But then, I started using my personal style as a language, and that caused even more disruption. Eventually, I had to decide, do I choose to be silent or do I share all of me? Fuck it, I’m here to experience and express the vastness of my creation.

PATTY: Now, I surround myself with people who really accept me for who I am—the good, the bad, and the shit in between. So, now I don’t feel so reserved.

CM: How did this artistic reverence of the past come about? You mentioned your parents taking you to yard sales and estate sales, is that where it all began?

PATTY: It was that and always wanting to do something with my hands. I want everything I own to look nice and bring me joy, it’s just so important because what you take in, you give it back out. If you’re surrounded by a bunch of shit that you don’t like you’re going to be a negative person. And I don’t want to settle for less. I just like what I like—

CM: —and it just so happens to be nice.

PATTY: Yeah! At least to me, it might not be for everyone. When I first moved to LA, I was broke as fuck, so I would drive around and find furniture off the street. My parents would be like, “what do you mean you got that from the street? It looks nice!” And I’m like, well yeah! Over time, I got better at seeing and feeling the quality of things. Now, I do care a lot about preserving old things and having an appreciation for them because I’m worried one day it’ll all be gone. I think there’s enough people in the world that care about that sort of thing. But, I also wouldn’t want to be in a position where I don’t actually own some of those things. Because if you don’t own something you could lose access to it at any given moment.

To be continued….

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The secret story is the one we’ll never know, although we’re living it from day to day… Roberto Bolaño

But —

we do know the secret story. At least, we each know our own secret story, and when we grow brave enough might share it, and if the party we share it with is honest, they might admit their own, and from there, hands held, we walk into the grotto and dip our hands into the cold waters, or meander up a darkened stairwell into the sweet musk of a bookshop, or descend into a speakeasy beyond a roped velvet curtain. The secret to knowing the secret is to speak, but we too often tell the stories of no matter and avoid the one story that does matter. In truth, we are bound by one story, so you’d think by now we’d tell it, at least to each other.

Vievee Francis, “Another Attempt At The Telling”

Taking a leap of faith is a courageous act of stepping into the unknown. But where is your trust rooted? In the process, trusting the fall or the climb will land you where you’re meant to be? The Jumper? Do you trust yourself, to allow your truest self be seen, heard, felt, and known? I like to think that’s what authentic means, the choice to be honest. And that honesty puts us in alignment with our heart’s desires. But, of course, in order to be honest with another, we must be honest with ourselves. We must know ourselves, in that moment in time, so our honesty can mellifluously roll off our tongue, and be shared unapologetically. It is that confident unapologetic expression of self, that the Stylist, Mel Reneé, embodies, not just in her craft but in how she flows through life. Get to know Mel as she explains the art of being in tuned with yourself.

CM: I’d love to start with discussing your relationship with time. In our pursuits of quantifying time, as a people, we’re still trying to find a sense of value in it: ‘time isn’t real’, ‘time is man-made’, ‘time is God’, time is constantly slipping through our fingers. We can’t seem to find enough. We see what time does to our body, what it looks like on our body, what it feels like in our body. It’s something we refuse to accept. I often hear you use the word, ‘timeless’. Which, I’ve perceived that as, you’re intentional in not limiting yourself to the conditions or constraints of time. Stylistically, how do you materialize that level of freedom?

MEL: Honestly, to me, it all stems from your frame of reference. And how I’m referencing time is not within this current zeitgeist. I’m always thinking about the past and what the future may look like. You said something interesting, earlier, about you feeling like I’ve done this for so long, but I still have a young spirit—that’s definitely how I live. I’m not limiting myself to feeling that I have to hit a certain mark at certain ages, in order to feel successful or like I’m doing enough. I like to just be, to just live.

CM: So, within your every day life, how do you detach yourself from the pressures and limitation of time?

MEL: The decision to be freelance definitely is a specific choice that helps me to detach from the timeline, because then I have the power and agency over my schedule, how I’m choosing to live, and I can choose to live more deliberately. Slowly. I can start my mornings slow; I don’t have to live by a specific routine every day. I can sort of flow and switch things up—which is really important to me.

CM: How about creatively, when you’re curating a look, what are different references you consider for a timeless approach?

MEL: I’m always researching outside of the internet, like using books I have at home. There’s one that I often reference, I’ll need to get the name of it for you, but it has an ongoing timeline of fashion from the early 19th century to now. I’m always using old references, along with current references, and then thinking about what things may look like in the future. And figuring out how I want to create something that feels fresh and not too tide to trends and what’s happening in the now.

CM: Obviously, all of these words are subjective. I saw Recho posted on her story, she did this J Crew ad, and she’s wearing this green sweater, calling it timeless. And I asked myself, why is that timeless? What makes an article of clothing timeless? Even words, today, are trends, to the point they carry no meaning, but are used to be meaningful.

MEL: I think a better word is classic. I think sometimes we confuse the two, classic and timeless. You could see something like a pointy-toe black heel, and could think that might be timeless, but is it really? I think it’s more classic, something that might live on, but not something that’s always been.

CM: I like that, what you just said: something that lives on.

MEL: And maybe that’s what people mean by timeless, when they say that.

CM: Yeah! Even though I don’t perceive it that way. I think there are a lot of things defined as timeless, but their time has come.

MEL: I think that ties back to us doing our own research to really understanding the words that we’re using every day, how we’re living, and the philosophies that we live by. What are the origins of those things?

CM: Exactly! And not just complying with whatever we are told to believe. We live life through observation, and following that observation there has to be curiosity to discern if this is my truth or not.

MEL: That’s very true.

CM: Another word I’ve been meditating on is patience. In trying to surrender to the natural processes of life, the many things I do not have control over, I find myself questioning the maintenance of mental, emotional, and even energetic sovereignty. I hate the idea of waiting. Waiting, within my body, feels stagnant and obsessive. While patience feels more like awareness, presence, and preparation. I try to appreciate the process of time by making space for it, as opposed to eliminating its existence. But, that was learned through life experiences. In an era where gratification is desired at lightning speed, and available with minimal effort, is patience still an initiation? A life lesson?

MEL: I think if you want to build something long lasting. You said something interesting, and very true, that patience is preparation. In order to have something that last, you have to know how to prepare for it, and you have to build out of quality and not rushing. I’ve found that working in this industry, patience has been one of my biggest life lessons—understanding how to use that time rather than feeling anxious. Things are always on the way to you!

CM: Tell me about a time when patience was your teacher.

MEL: Honestly, all the time. There are so many ebbs and flows, in our industry. There are times when you’re working nonstop and you can’t wait for a break. Then there are times when you do have that break, it’s been a month, you’re not working as much, or turning down things that don’t quite make sense to you in the moment, and in that time you’re having to learn the patience of sitting in that and allowing yourself to prepare for the next opportunity. Rather than just running around and filling your time with anything.

CM: I often find myself wanting rest, or claiming I’m resting, but I’m actually distracting myself—engaging in distractions, like dumb-scrolling, which ends up not really supporting the restful phase of preparation. So, I’ve had to ask myself, what does mental rest look like when I’m in the phase of patience?

MEL: I think it’s having a balance. If you’re constantly preparing, then you’re never resting. Yes, you have to ask yourself what rest looks like for you, and maybe that is taking time to scroll. Sometimes I’m scrolling and still learning. Sometimes I’m scrolling and just engaging in gossip, or whatever’s happening on the internet. It’s okay to have those moments and let our brains shut off a little and not constantly feel like we have to be productive.

CM: Yes! Not all movement is productive. Do you think that lessons are learned because they are desired, on a conscious or soul level, or because of the universal need for balance between chaos and order?

MEL: I feel like lessons are crafted with the Universe, in response to our desires. Like for me, if I’m desiring a house, then the Universe is going to give me a lesson on money management, things of that nature, that could lead me to that desire. So, I think, we’re working with the Universe to create the lessons that we need for the end results that we’re asking for subconsciously.

CM: I love that! That’s a great perspective, as opposed to life being a constant test. Everything is helping us get to where we want to be, even if it doesn’t look like it or feel like it in this moment.

MEL: And I think that once we sit with those lessons, really reflect on them, whether that’s like through journaling or talking, or however, we end up finding that “I’m going to use that later”. That’s always been true for me.

CM: Are you big on journaling?

MEL: I am! I am! Not as consistent as I used to be, it’s a little more monthly now, than daily. But, I’m still getting those thoughts out—and ideas out! I’m a pen and paper person, for sure.

CM: Are you a “dear diary” type of girl, or do you have a collection of thoughts and feelings that you process?

MEL: It’s a little bit of both. I feel like I journal the most when I’m overwhelmed by some sort of emotion, and I need to just get that out. Or if I’m feeling a lot of gratitude and I want to reflect on where I am at in this moment, compared to where I was before. Or just discussing the circumstances of life—it’s always so different.

CM: There’s a beauty brand that I really love, Kindred Black. Their philosophy is, “slow beauty”, which focuses on the ritualistic process of beauty and self-devotion. The devotee and devoted, both embody the art of consideration. Do you think identifying the thoughtfulness of curation, application and consumption as beauty, makes beauty more of a complex concept?

MEL: I think so, because you can look at something and find it beautiful or not so. And then, learn about the process, the devotion, the skill, and the time that it took to make that thing, and completely change your mind on its beauty—and why it’s beautiful.

CM: And that’s the question: why is something beautiful?

MEL: And why do I find it valuable? What about the process makes this of value?

CM: Exactly! My mind, now, goes to how art and design have been recently shared, via social media, we feel like we have to show the process, in order for our art to be deemed as valuable or beautiful. And I’m questioning, as the consumer, as the audience, do we have to actually see the process, to appreciate and acknowledge the existence of the process, the journey, the blossoming to the beauty?

MEL: I don’t think that you have to see the process in order to find something beautiful. I think you can just appreciate its beauty. But, I do think you have to appreciate the process in order to find something valuable, in order to understand somethings value. Why does this jacket cost $10,000? I’m looking at it and it’s nice, but it doesn’t look that much different than another leather jacket. But, once I’m seeing the process of how it’s made, where the leather is sourced, how many are available, how many hours went into the process of making this, I can then understand the value and its beauty on a different level.

CM: Something within me just feels there’s a level of sacredness between the creator and creation, the creative process. Constantly sharing our process, is like sharing parts of ourselves that was only for us to experience, for us to know. What keeps beauty so captivating is you don’t know how, but you understand why through the quality, the feeling of its presence.

MEL: I can definitely see that.

CM: At what point does curiosity become intrusive?

MEL: I think, as a creator, you have to have some boundaries with how much of yourself you share, how much of your process you share. And it doesn’t have to be the full process of how you ideate and how things come about. But, we do live in a time where people appreciate seeing the innerworkings—we’re all a little nosy.

CM: Earlier you mentioned that you were raised in Miami, which is a totally different energy than New York. Do you think being raised in Miami allowed you to form a relationship with nature, you might not would have had if you were growing up in New York?

MEL: I don’t think I thought about that, until this moment. Growing up in Miami, I spent a lot of time outdoors. I would bike ride through a park by my house that had a lot of huge trees, open grass, and little lakes. I spent a lot of time there. And I spent a lot of time at the beach. If I grew up in New York, because the season changes, and the lack thereof of nature, that definitely would’ve affected me. Whenever I’m feeling overwhelmed, here, I find myself craving that part of Miami. So, I’ll go home to visit my mom to be in nature. My body definitely craves that now—it needs that!

CM: I often find myself thinking about an editorial you did in 2021, “You Can Feel It Underwater”, for Teeth Magazine. I admire your reverence for nature, the earthly realm, which you seem to reference a lot in your work. Symbolically, in silhouette and textures and color palettes, and then, literally as accessories or props. Fashion is constantly trying to find a sense of stability and comfort within the past, present, and future by bridging the natural, humane, and digitally artificial. I’m very curious how you mentally and creatively approach translating these different forms of life into a language that is complimentary to the form and expression of the body.

MEL: That’s such an interesting question because it’s a language that comes so naturally to me, it’s second nature. When I’m in that process, I don’t know how to express or quantify what that flow looks like. But I also feel like nature is prevalent in all of design. So, it’s easy for that to be a part of the process because all of design is mimicking nature anyways. I also already have such an appreciation for women’s bodies, so I kind of just use those two things to create whatever silhouettes, textures, or moments I’m looking for, for that story.

CM: Correct me if I’m wrong: it’s not always intentional, but it’s something you constantly find yourself drawn to?

MEL: It’s something that I feel just constantly comes out in the work. And maybe that is from growing up in a place where you’re surrounded by nature. So, for me, it’s second mind, and I’m always including that in the work.

CM: Well, I think it’s beautiful! It definitely gives effortless.

MEL: Thank you.

CM: How do you maintain a sense of self, and ground yourself in that knowing, when society is constantly intertwining what’s natural with what’s fake?

MEL: I put a lot less pressure on myself to align with society. I try not to put so much thought into what the majority is leaning towards and thinking, and I try to separate my thought process from what people think it should be—so I can be in tuned with how I’m feeling intuitively. I think that’s helped me, even in terms of timing, and how quickly my career should be moving, what goals I should be reaching at this time. When I take myself out of that, I’m able to just be in my body, and feel confident in the pace I’m moving at.

CM: I love that!

MEL: My mom has a lot to do with it. These are things that she would say to me growing up, and these are things that she maintained. So, I’ve always had that inner voice, that confidence, to follow my own voice.

CM: Tell me about a time when you were like, “damn, I love being a woman.”

MEL: **SIGH** I don’t know if I have a singular experience, where I would say, ‘this is a great day to be a woman.’ But, I mentioned being raised by my mom, so it was just me and her. I also had aunts and my grandma around. So, I was raised by all women. I’ve always respected the matriarch and respected women, revered them as being the pillars of society. Women are what strength, self-dedication, determination, and intuition looks like. I’ve just always really loved being a woman. I’ve always thought, if I comeback in another life, I hope I comeback as a woman. My life has just always been filled with that feminine energy, and I’ve always appreciated that!

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I’m an orange moon.

I’m an orange moon,

reflecting the light of the sun.

Many nights he was alone.

Many, many, many nights

his light was too bright.

So, they turned away

and he stood alone,

every night and every day.

Then he turned to me,

he saw his reflection in me,

and he smiled at me.

When he turned to me,

then he said to me,

‘how good it is, how good it is

how good it is, how good it is.’

I’m an orange moon.

I’m brighter than before.

Brighter than ever before.

I’m an orange moon

and I shine so bright.

Cause I reflect the light of my sun.

Oh, I praise the day,

he turned my way and smiled at me.

He gets to smile and I get to be orange…

Erykah Badu, “Orange Moon”

Complex and complicated are often used interchangeably. But, the many components that make a complex being is only complicated to digest by a limited consciousness, or a limited capacity. When the “complex” is received by an abundant sense of awareness, the multitude is no longer confined to a singular experience, but enjoyed in increments, phases. She is not meant to be understood in one breath. Her beauty exists within the discovery. The woman is known through her gentle unfolding, her intentional revealing, her surrendering to the sharing and shedding of her petals and blossoming of the anew. Every moment with her is an exploration and appreciation of a form, an aspect of the vastness of her creation, not a determination of an absolute. Like the many phases of the moon, she is visible, she is known, she is innerstood, she is once was and soon will be. The Denim Enthusiast, Lexx, embodies the multifaceted essence of a woman. Get to know Lexx as she explores the phase between undoing and becoming.

CM: Let’s start from the very beginning, where did this love of denim come from?

LEXX: It started in college, back in the Tumblr days. Remember when girls would wear shorts with the studs on them?

CM: Yes!

LEXX: I used to have a brand, back then, called Vamped Co. I would go to the thrift store, buy denim, dye them myself, and stud them with my teeth because I didn’t have a studding machine. That started probably in my freshman year of college. But, I always loved denim. My grandmother has a huge collection of Guess Jeans, Girbaud, and Enyce. She loves stuff like that. So, it started with my grandmother and evolved in college when I launched Vamped Co. I used to sell out all the time. I used to wear my pieces and then girls were like, ‘Oh my God!—’

CM: ‘—I need that!’

LEXX: That was my little money, my little hustle before I got hired at Urban Outfitters. Then I moved to New York in 2015. I had a little small room in Brooklyn, and I wanted my room to have a denim theme. So, I went to the thrift store, bought a bunch of pair of jeans, and I made a rug. After I made the rug, I was like, ‘Oh my God, that was so fun!’ And I told my grandmother, ‘I think I want to do this! I want to explore more into this. Help me with a name.’ She said, ‘You should call it: A Bit of Denim.’ I dropped the “A” and named it BitofDenim.

CM: I love hearing about your grandmother because I’m reminded of my grandmother. She was a designer, and when I was in elementary school, she gave me this denim bag that she made. Mind you, I’ve never been a denim girl, but this bag was the most amazing thing ever. She patchworked a bunch of denim back-pockets. It was the coolest thing ever. And your work always reminds me of her and that bag.

LEXX: I love that! My grandmother is where I get all of my taste. The silver jewelry I wear all the time, that came from her.

CM: Okay! So, I’m obsessed with her! You literally have the best silver collection.

LEXX: And all of it is from her. I had to wait until I became of age. I came home from college, one time, and she was like, ‘Alex, I got some pieces for you!’ She had all the pieces I always wanted ready for me. I used to lose a lot of stuff. I remember I got these Hummingbird earrings, 14 karat gold, and I lost them. So, once she realized I was more responsible, she was like, ‘here you go.’

CM: Let’s rewind a bit. You said that your denim adventures started in college. It’s one thing to look at a photo and be like, ‘that’s cute, I’m going to buy that.’ But you thought to yourself, ‘that’s cute, I’m going to make that.’ Were you making stuff prior to those shorts?

LEXX: I’ve always been a DIY girl. I’m always going to try to make it myself. But, it’s never really just been about denim, itself. At that time, I was intrigued by the process of dying denim, dipping it, bleaching it, and turning it into different colors. Taking the pigmentation out of it and putting another on it.

CM: Your work is less about the fabric itself but how you can manipulate it.

LEXX: Exactly. The whole concept of BitofDenim is doing things that people wouldn’t automatically think of when it comes to denim. When people think of denim, they think of something you can wear. So, I think outside of the box.

CM: Do you find designing for the home more enjoyable?

LEXX: It is! And it’s so funny, Ciana, because I never wanted to be a designer. It’s a lot of work. For someone who is self-taught, making garments for the body is hard. So many times, I’ve tried to veer away from BitofDenim. But, God always brings me back. So, I guess this is my purpose. At the moment, I’m just trying to figure out how to bring in the other things I love. Like, my love for jewelry and my love for military. So, I’m launching another brand, Generated Garments, which incorporates all of the things, outside of denim, that I’m interested in making.

CM: What do you enjoy the most, the art of design or the art of style?

LEXX: Style! I feel like with style I can wake up and be a different me every day. I have different versions of me. There’s a Lexx that dresses like a little boy, biker girl, denim down to the socks, all black Comme des Garçons. I can have more fun and versatility with my style. Now that I’m getting older, I’m realizing that I don’t need much. I don’t need a lot. I don’t want a lot. I just need my favorites that I can wear over and over and over.

CM: Oh, you’re saying, you don’t need a large closet with a bunch of options?

LEXX: I want a small closet that consist of all the different versions of me. I want less, but more of what I love. I want to love everything in my life like, ‘OOOHHH’. That’s how I want to feel.

CM: You’re reminding me of an episode of Architect—

LEXX: —Architectural Digest?

CM: Yes! With Lenny Kravtiz—

LEXX: —And he showed the house with the bar in the basement?

CM: Yes!

LEXX: Yesss!

CM: When I watched that episode, I thought to myself, ‘I need everything in my house, my closet, my life, to have that much meaning and significance to me.’ He walked around that house and had a very detailed story ready for literally everything. That’s the level of intentionality, love, and gratitude I want to have for every person, place, and thing in my life.

LEXX: That’s why I like his house so much, you can tell that he put that shit in the house. He didn’t hire nobody! He travelled and picked every piece that is in his house. And that’s how I want it to be in my home, my wardrobe, everything! Your home and your wardrobe are a sacred place.

CM: It takes a lot of intentionality to create a sacred space for yourself, for your relationships, and that’s definitely where I’m at right now.

CM: So, you’ve got a sweet baby boy on the way. We absolutely have to discuss your pregnancy! How has pregnancy altered your relationship with clothing?

LEXX: I was not buying maternity clothing! I’m not getting behind that! I already like my stuff oversized, so I just needed to get more stuff with an elastic waistband. Mind you, I don’t even own a pair of leggings. I don’t have not one pair. I don’t even own a pair of sweatpants.

CM: I love you! Don’t ever change.

LEXX: My friends are like, ‘bitch, how!?’ I don’t like tight stuff!

CM: Are you a dress girl? I see you in a lot of skirts but not really dresses.

LEXX: I love a skirt. Did you go to school with girls who had to wear a skirt all the time? I don’t know what their religion was, but they were only allowed to wear skirts. If that was a part of my religion, I would be fine! I could wear a skirt every day. I love a skirt, especially a big, flowy, balloon-y skirt. It’s the ultimate girly thing to me. But, I have a couple of dresses.

CM: My vote is dresses over leggings. But, you don’t really need much now, he’ll be here shortly.

LEXX: I only got three months! AHHHHHHHHH!

CM: Are we leaning more towards Pisces or Aquarius?

LEXX: Pisces, February 25th. I hear bad things about Pisces men; I’m not going to lie. But, he’s not going to be like that!

CM: I’m actually really excited, because a lot of the women I know are having sons—

LEXX: —Everybody I follow is having a boy. We are shaping the next generation!

CM: You took the words right from my mouth! I love where women are today, like mentally and emotionally, especially the ones in my circle. We’re about to raise a beautiful generation of men.

LEXX: Exactly! Men who will be emotionally stable, capable of communicating, and understanding their feelings. But, to piggyback to your question, about my relationship with clothing, all I really think about is clothing for him. I have so many ideas. I’ve been looking at different fabrics—I really want to make him stuff!

CM: You should absolutely make him clothing. To this day, I still think about the outfits my mother made my brother and I, when we were growing up.

LEXX: Your mom used to make y’all clothes?!

CM: Yes, we would be in matching outfits.

LEXX: That is so cute! Yes, I want to! I want to make matching outfits; it’ll be special, things that only our family will have.

CM: Over the last two/three years, I’ve seen several headlines declaring pregnancy has become fashionable. Not too long ago, a baby bump was almost shameful. It was something women were hiding. How are you embodying this new phase of your life, without self-judgement?

LEXX: This is all temporary! It’s absolutely insane what our bodies can do. This is the craziest thing I’ve been through in my life. Everything about me is different. I’m not even me. I’m just a host. I can’t eat the things that I want to eat, my whole skeleton is stretching, the cells in my brain are changing to mommy mode, my breast are forming and forming milk glands. People are telling me, afterwards, the foods I used to eat before, I won’t like, and that makes me sad. That’s the downfall, the person you were, before you were pregnant, she’s gone! So, I wonder who the new me is going to be. Am I going to be bits and pieces of the old me? Or will she be completely gone? It’s a reoccurring thing that I hear from people.

CM: You know me, constantly talking about the cycles of death and rebirth, in order to literally bring life into this realm, a version of you does have to die.

LEXX: It does! I’m very interested in who this new version of Lexx is going to be like, creatively, personality-wise, who is she?

CM: I actually haven’t really sat with this thought long enough, but you really are getting to know this child while you’re simultaneously getting to know yourself.

LEXX: You’re getting to know yourself while your brain is in mommy mode! I was out with my friend, yesterday. It’s so crazy, she’d be talking to me, but her eyes are always on her child. Your whole world, your whole dynamic, how you think is reshaped because—

CM: —It’s not just you anymore!

LEXX: It’s not just me anymore!

CM: I’m glad you brought up your friend, because the more I entertain the thought of motherhood, the more intentional I am in establishing a sense of sisterhood. We tend to hear, it takes a village to raise a child. And I got to experience the result of a beautifully supportive sisterhood my mother had formed between her and her friends. When you think about your friendships, the sisterhood and community you’ve built for yourself, and now your family, what are some important traits and behaviors that create a strong foundation for longevity?

LEXX: The biggest word is: reciprocity. Reciprocity is like a huge thing for me, especially in this stage of my life. Growing up, and even in my adult friendships, I felt like I was always pouring and pouring and pouring. And then I’m left half full. I wasn’t really matched in all that I do. But, I can honestly say, coming back to Detroit, it’s been great with the people God has put in my life now. I don’t have to second guess; I’m not looking at anyone sideways. We pour into each other. We’re forever filling each other’s cup. Also being around people that inspire me, that’s another big thing.

CM: What does that inspiration look like?

LEXX: Business, family, style, knowledge. Every time I leave my friends, I’ve learned something new. And I love that because it keeps me going, it keeps me questioning, it keeps me doing more things. My friend, who I just spoke of, we were just following each other on Instagram, and one day I hit her up like, ‘hey we should get coffee some time’. When we hung out, we just clicked. She was already a mom, and a year into our friendship, I got pregnant. I’ve been able to see how she is with her son; I have someone I can ask all these questions to, who is a new mom too. None of my other close friends have kids.

CM: I always say, the people that we attract, and are aligned with, are either a mirror reflecting who we were, who we are, or who we’re becoming. And it’s crazy because, in the moment, we don’t even realize what God is orchestrating. But, then one day we wake up like, ‘wow this is your purpose in my life!’

LEXX: I gotta write that down, because that was good!

CM: There’s literally a purpose assigned to every person we encounter in this life. I think it’s really beautiful when we come to that realization.

LEXX: That is so true! That’s some real shit right there! And now that you say that I’m calculating in my mind the people who are no longer in my life, and the people who were actually there for me this year, because I lost a lot of friends this year. Thank you for dropping that gem, because that was real.

CM: I think it really helps when you’re trying to discern those that you like but they kind of act a little funny.

LEXX: Exactly! I honestly, don’t have anyone in my life, right now, that gives me that feeling. I used to have that feeling all the time. Like, ‘hmmm, I don’t know.’

CM: And that’s because you’re just not aligned anymore.

LEXX: It ain’t clicking. You know what I’m saying? It ain’t clicking like it used to, and that’s okay.

CM: And that’s okay, that’s life.

LEXX: I really feel like God brought me to Detroit right when I needed to be here. He brought me at the right time.

CM: So, you’re about to have a Pisces son!

LEXX: A Pisces son, with a Taurus dad, and a Leo mom!

CM: What are you looking forward to teaching your son?

LEXX: First of all, the importance of his blackness, especially the history. I want to have a huge library to teach him all things black, all things about our past, and instilling in him that he’s special, he’s a gem in the world. I’m also looking forward to teaching him how to be emotionally conscious, and how to express his emotions in a healthy manner.

CM: That’s beautiful.

LEXX: I really want him to be able to express himself with me and his dad. Being an open book, in his friendships, relationships, and moving throughout the world. I feel like a lot of men aren’t very open in expressing their emotions.

CM: It’s the lack of emotional safety.

LEXX: If you feel it, express it! I’m really into music, and I read that, during pregnancy, if you listen to the same song every day, when your child is born, that song will relax and soothe them. So, I’ve been listening to Erykah Badu, Orange Moon, every day. I’m interested to see his reaction. He’s definitely going to know all things jazz, that’s all I listen to. The vibe in our household will be smooth.

CM: So, tell me about a time when you were like, ‘damn, I love being a woman.’

LEXX: We something special, for real! Being pregnant and experiencing what God made our bodies to do; there’s a whole human being growing in my body right now—that’s crazy! There’s a whole thing in there forming, with bones, and eyeballs, and a brain, it’s crazy to me. And women do this every day. God wouldn’t put me in a space I couldn’t handle. I was created to do this. I’m glad to be a #TeamGirl!

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One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice –
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
"Mend my life!"
each voice cried.
But you didn't stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do –
determined to save
the only life you could save.

Mary Oliver, “The Journey”

The act of knowing is quite deeper than the presence of information, acquiring information. To really know, you must observe yourself experiencing. Without the experience, we simply think we know. Information remains a thought when not lived, when not applied. Does information have any meaning if it is only harbored in the mind? It depends, are you sitting in the stands as spectator, or participating in the arena? Intuitive messages deliver the guidance to fuel motivation and form intentional experiences. There’s a certain level of trust required to discern what’s meant for you, something the Vintage Reseller, Yuri, knows all about. Get to know Yuri as she explains how she navigates life guided by an inner knowing.

CM: Did you tune into the SS2026 fashion month festivities, back in September/October?

YURI: I loved Versace! I loved Tom Ford. I’m like a Tom Ford Gucci girl, always. Forever! I really loved Saint Laurent. I don’t look at everything. I only look at collections or brands that I can see myself wanting in the future. I would never buy anything current; I know what clothes are worth. So, I always look at clothing thinking, ‘within 5-10 years that’s going to be in Japan!’ I always remember what I want. There are things that I’m just buying now that came out 10 years ago because people forgot about them. But, there are a lot of collectors, like Pechuga, he always buys stuff from current collections, because he knows what stuff is going to be archived or really popular in the next 15 to 20 years.

CM: Yes! There was actually quite an uproar, specifically from vintage resellers and archival collectors concerning Duran Lantik’s Jean Paul Gaultier debut. Despite Lantik’s extraordinary design language, he tends to add a level of shock value to his collections, which unfortunately is translating as a cheap gimmick. In a previous interview you mentioned, as a reseller, your opinion doesn’t matter. Do you still feel that way?

YURI: Sometimes I feel like my opinion doesn’t matter. A lot of times people just want to hear about what I’m reselling. But, as far as current collections, I’m kind of overlooked. Maybe it’s because I don’t speak about it much, I don’t offer my opinion or my expertise on what I know. But, I feel like collectors and resellers words are starting to matter more. A lot of these Creative Directors and Houses are pulling back to move forward, which is the only way they’ve been able to sustain. People are just so in love with the old stuff. Now, they’re trying to get that same wow-factor from before. Like when Dior redid the newspaper print. Or when Jean Paul Gaultier rereleased all their archive pieces—which devalues JPG because now no one wants to wear JPG. It’s so cheap. You can get a cyber shirt for so cheap now.

CM: I remember those pieces being a goldmine.

YURI: It was rare to find! I think the overconsumption of vintage and archive, just so people can look cool on the internet, has directly affected me and other reseller’s ability to curate an archive. In pulling back, there’s no due diligence or research to really understand the history. It’s all surface level research. So, now, the new collections are sad. There’s no story to it. I don’t understand. Everybody’s lazy.

CM: So, what are some researching tips you would recommend to the average consumer?

YURI: Play on wording when searching online. The thing you’re looking for might be posted under another brand or description. Also, researching isn’t only something that can be done online, there are so many things out in the world.

CM: Some of my favorite pieces I found unexpectedly, at the most random shops!

YURI: I always say this, never stop looking, the piece you’ve been looking for forever may pop up the day you’re not looking.

CM: You mentioned, you had your eyes on Versace and Tom Ford, what makes a collection or even a particular design desirable to you?

YURI: I love clothes that can sit on any body type and still make sense. I love symmetry. Styling. Accessories. Wearability—in real life. Things that make sense to the brand’s name and their story. I hate when I look at a collection and I can’t tell where it’s from. Tom Ford was one of those collections that I didn’t have to question, I knew it was Tom Ford. It was dark, but still whimsical. It was sexy! Versace was loud but still for the reserved times of today. Even Gucci, Demna really pulled from Tom Ford’s bag, for Gucci, which was good but also a mistake because it gave a Gucci I’ve seen before. As time goes by, he will get more comfortable.

CM: What are some distinctive motifs this current era of fashion will be reminded by?

YURI: This era of fashion is very archive driven. We’re stuck in the past. Everybody is still pulling from Y2K. Like the fact that the Paddington is back…that was an ugly ass bag back then, and it’s ugly now. Let it go! But, one thing people will remember is Demna at Balenciaga. That was very much a rememberable era. The activeness of it all: the sweats, the hoodies, the gym shoes, and boots. I think that will be remembered because it was such a cultural shock.

CM: I call it: The Comfort Era. Gross.

YURI: Did you say gross?

CM: Yes!

YURI: Period! What happened to chicness? When I was at church today, I was thinking, ‘dang they be 70 dressed to the nines, with a cane and heels.’ I just love it so much!

CM: I love and hate it. For many, church is the only time they allow themselves to dress up—dress nice.

YURI: It’s actually very normal to walk around in workout attire 24/7. What you wear influences the people you attract!

CM: There’s something about the work you do that reads, intuitive. There’s this combination of profound knowledge of what exist, within your reality, and then something tugging you towards expansion. I envision an Easter egg hunt, you’re aware of the trees and the bushes, but something within you is guiding you towards this hidden egg meant for finding, by you. Divine alignment? Would you describe yourself as an intuitive person?

YURI: Very much so! I mean, I’m a Virgo, so that’s already written in the stars for me. I have dreams! I will dream about a piece or a designer, and I’ll wake up in the morning and find exactly what I was dreaming about.

CM: Oh, I love that!

YURI: It’s really crazy. Sometimes, throughout the day I’ll think about a random piece from a random collection, and I’ll ask myself: ‘I wonder if I can find this?’ And I find it! Of course, I find things by accident but a lot of times I just have this feeling in my stomach. I trust it, and tell myself, ‘Yuri just go look!’ I know how to search. When I’m sourcing, I know what words to use, I know the things to say to find something. A lot of people don’t have that art. But, that just comes from me being a Poshmark buyer and people not knowing how to describe clothing, accessories, and misspelling designer names. But, I do have that intuition often!

CM: Was there a defining moment that brought you to that awareness?

YURI: When I sourced that Hermès JPG Kelly bag for Kim K., well technically she didn’t ask me for it, I found it. It kind of just fell in my lap. I was just looking for something from Hermès. I thought to myself, ‘I need to find something from JPG Hermès, I need to find Margiela Hermès, I need to find something!’

CM: That was just something you were being pulled towards, internally?

YURI: I just felt it. I just knew I had to find or see something. Because at that time, I was kind of obsessed with JPG Hermès, Margiela Hermès, that was all that I was thinking about. It was on my mind 24/7. I would go to sleep thinking about it. I would wake up in the middle of the night to search.

CM: What made you trust that inner voice?

YURI: I just trust myself. I trust my intuition. I know I would never steer myself wrong.

CM: Were you raised that way or did life teach you that?

YURI: I was raised that way. Growing up I was taught: if it don’t feel right, don’t do it! My mom always told me to follow my first mind. But, it took some situations for me to actually put my best foot forward in that manner.

CM: Has your intuition ever saved you from a bad transaction?

YURI: Oh my God! Just recently! I sourced a bag, for this girl, and then the seller was on and off communicating. So, I told the girl I wasn’t going to take her money, because it was like $7,000. I just think, if I took her money, and the seller didn’t fulfill the transaction—it would’ve been bad. Even though I would’ve refunded the girl, it would’ve been a whole thing to take that much money from someone and not deliver.

CM: Especially when you already knew something was off.

YURI: Yeah, I already felt it. I already know when it’s some bs brewing. I just see it for what it is. But the reselling industry is so scam-y. So, everyone’s always thinking their getting scammed. Someone ordered something from me and was like, ‘You going to scam me?’ And I was like, ‘Girl, I’m not scamming you for $395, I promise!”

CM: Interesting.

YURI: The things people say to me in my DM’s. People don’t really know me, they only know me from the internet—I get down. People are really mean. So rude! Even the resellers are very rude and mean. People feel entitled—

CM: —they think it’s a competition?

YURI: Yeah! Like who fucking cares! It used to be such a passion of mine, but, because of the internet, everyone wants the same things, it’s become a job. That’s why I stopped selling. I only do big jobs, that make sense and make money. But, I’ll also find stuff for people that’s different and meaningful. I do not want to find no Dsquared fur heels for you! That stuff is ugly anyways. I just wish people would follow their first gut and know when stuff is ugly. Nobody wanted this stuff 3 years ago. It was sitting on sites for $100, $50. I just don’t get it. I’m always confused.

CM: I’m always confused too. But, more and more I’m learning to accept I’m not supposed to understand everyone and everything.

YURI: When I found the Undercover Cherry bag, the bag people spent years and years and years trying to find, the original, that JT bought from me, I wondered: are we going to lose what archive and resell means to people that don’t care about archive and what it means to care for a garment, what it means to acquire a garment, and the energies it carried? I remember, when I used to buy from Poshmark, a seller used to write me long letters, sharing how she loved the piece and wore it for 10 years. It’s not like that anymore. Everyone just wants to look cool for the internet and then onto the next hot item, just to say: ‘I got it!’

CM: So many garments, art pieces, go to homes that don’t value nor care for them. It makes me sad because it’s no different from how people treat each other. Neglectful. Disposable. What do they say? The way you do one thing is how you do everything.

YURI: Yup! I totally agree. And I hope it changes. Me working at TheRealReal, I just see it’s very transactional.

CM: I really love the idea that, even though you bought something sentimental from someone, they’re sharing the life of this piece with you. There’s a bond created between the seller and the buyer. A story created for this piece, written by several different energies, existing in different environments and lifetimes. Hearing that the reselling community isn’t really a community, how do we mend the bridge? We’re all here because we love these things. We’re all here because we’re trying to continue the life of these stories by passing it along to other people. But, yet everyone is at odds.

YURI: Well, one thing that’s going to help is the economy is shitty! It’ll force people to buy into things that mean something to them, what they really want. There are so many good things out in the world, so many good designs and structures.

CM: With the amount of research that you do, do you find yourself in a constant state of desire?

YURI: Yes! Everyday! All day! It’s all I think about.

CM: How do you manage the urge?

YURI: I always want to find the next best thing. And it’s so hard right now because everybody is trying to find the next best thing.

CM: But, how does that urge not control your life?

YURI: It does! But, it’s not something I’m trying to fight. It’s something that I welcome, every time.

CM: Are those desires strictly materialistic?

YURI: A lot of times it comes in the form of knowledge. Sometimes I just want to know more, understand more. I will listen to anybody. People DM me stuff all the time and I’m always willing to listen and understand. I don’t know everything and I’ll never know everything. The best teacher is a good listener and learner.

CM: You stay a student!

YURI: Yup, you’re always going to be a student.

CM: So, what’s the difference between your personal style and the curation of Yuri’s Market?

YURI: When I was first curating Yuri’s Market, I was buying things I wanted. Then I found myself buying what’s popular. So, now I’m doing a restructure, a new logo, a new website. I’m going to start buying things I really like and things I only want to sell. I don’t want to sell Dior J’adore tees.

CM: You are a Virgo.

YURI: It’s really sick. I’m going to New York to shoot my YouTube. I’m trying to revamp it again. And I literally just started it!

CM: You have one video out!

YURI: Hahaha! I know, it’s sick!

CM: Tell me about a time when you were like, “damn I love being a woman.”

YURI: When I’m at a bar and someone pays my tab… I’m just kidding! Oh my God, when I put on really nice clothes and I do my hair, it’s just the best. I love being a black woman! I know there’s nothing like me, nothing like us. And I know we’re special. I see it every day, in our style, in our knowledge, in our thought process—we’re one of a kind!

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A designer has to appease:

1. The fashion industry

2. The press

3. The clientele

An uncomfortable truth is better than the sweetest lie!

I’ve been juggling whether nor not the truth is perceived as valuable, desirable, as the luxurious fantasies many of us blindly consume. The more I entertain the thought, I’m coming to the realization that a lot of truths simply no longer exist. Truths are forgotten, unrecognizable, unknown, due to avoidance, ignorance, or incuriosity. And as I’ve written to you previously, we value what we know. People don’t need to desire the truth, because whatever their limited consciousness believes to be true, thanks to the algorithm, they will find effortless and endless proof of it.

We show ourselves what we need to survive.

With the rise of technological advancements, social media, and artificial intelligence, we’ve been sold a false narrative of freedom. Freedom is everything that you’re not! Many don’t even define freedom for themselves, and they never had to, because they were told who they were, how they felt, what they thought, what they knew, where they lived, what they experienced, what they desired, and what they owned was not a reflection freedom. Not only were they told what freedom wasn’t, but they were shown what it is. We now live in a society where people have abandoned their minds, their hearts, their bodies, and each other for a life of convenience. As if, to know and love ourselves is tortuous, tedious work. Buying a new identity makes more sense, in fact, it’s more progressive.

We’ve been freed from ourselves. Oddly enough, we’re addicted to it, the detachment. The constant visibility. The once forbidden access. I mean, isn’t that why you’re here? To explore the very mysterious mind of mine? We see; therefore, we know, we normalize, and we are. We become. Or so we think. Because visibility is only limited access satisfying to the eyes. Visibility dictates our perception of self and others. It doesn’t shift the truth of our physical, tangible reality, in this very now moment in time. As soon as you take your eyes off the desirable illusion; you come to the awareness of who you are and who you’re not. Sometimes the truth is so painfully uncomfortable, you go from involuntarily consuming the lie to actively choosing it. We’ve become dependent upon, entitled to, what’s not ours.

The lack, loveless, mentality is so deeply embedded, with our most valuable currency we continue to buy into the illusion, we continue to buy into everyone’s business but our own. The more we pay with our attention, the more our life source energy can be regulated outside of us. But, we’re kind of into it, the act of spending, giving, exchanging our currencies of all kinds. We used to live in a time where people wanted to have luxury. Luxury wasn’t just a thing; it was an experience. An experience that triggered an emotion, which our brain then processed into a feeling, and then became a way of being. Value makes us feel. But, remember we’ve abandoned our minds, our hearts, and our bodies, so we can’t even comprehend the emotions of an experience. Today, people simply want the ability to buy. Consciously, spending is more satisfying than having. If you’re unable to emotionally connect, you cannot identify, label, nor recognize worth, so you’re willing to consume anything! Which is why, trends are coming and going faster than my eyes can blink and brands are getting away with constantly increasing the price but decreasing the quality.

To feel is to receive.

The consumer just won’t stop consuming. It’s mindlessly habitual. The work is in the processing. But, we don’t perceive ourselves free enough to govern our lives with an inner authority, courage, trust, and curiosity to do the inner work, because we’ve become a product of our environment. We’ve disowned ourselves. We’d rather project than look in the mirror. So, we seek the cure outside of ourselves, therefore we don’t learn to problem solve for ourselves. We’ve become so dependent on the lies that many don’t even have the language to articulate the self-hatred, the woundings, the needs to be responsible and accountable. Gradually, we’re losing our functions: mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually, socially, and creatively.

Capitalism has always depended on the human body to make a profit, whether it be the health of our anatomy and physiology, or performative ritualistic nature. Theatrics were used to attract our attention. But, post-covid, a dance routine is cheap; it’s distractive. Can you validate the illusion? Don’t just distract me from the truth, reassure me the illusion is just as possible as the truth. Because then I won’t feel guilty when the time comes and I choose neither. If people can believe the lie is just as possible, accessible, and attainable as the truth, the concept of choice will cease to exist because there will be no options. What makes this life experience so desirable and agonizing is the options dualities create. You need discernment to choose. But to choose, to claim, to have, to own, requires maintenance, nurturance, and protection. It requires care. It requires responsibility. Being responsible isn’t very convenient for the consumer. Accountability demands too much of the self.

The fashion industry and designers are kind of synonymous to me at this point. The creators of evil vs the sellers of evil…who’s worse? Most designers start off with good intentions, but then you learn the capacity and availability responsibility requires. Responsibility is profitable. Responsibility is powerful. Responsibility is control. Control of the narrative. So, Jonathan Anderson is able to have ten thousand jobs and Chanel’s cosplay of the middle-class is deemed genius. Because consumers lack of responsibility, their forfeit of accountability, relinquishes their autonomy and choice. The press knows that, which is why they no longer question nor challenge the industry. As long as the narrative supports the vision, the people will buy into it. Whether it be financially, visually, energetically, conversationally, timely, it’s all a form of currency. The value is in the payout, not the product.

Siri, play: Eyes Wide Open by Gotye!

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Every desire is fueled by a feeling.

Every feeling is triggered by an emotion.

Emotions are our bodies automatic, unconscious, physiological and biological response to stimuli. As sensual beings, everything we experience is filtered through a screen of emotion. The emotion, the sensation, is based upon the experience itself. We’re often oblivious to this process for we aren’t always aware of the emotion’s catalyst, and that lack of awareness is what differentiates an emotion from a feeling. Emotions are these sacred, sensuous, messengers that are interpreted by our thinking brain, which then creates the feeling. Our feelings consciously recognize and label the physical sensation; they reveal the depth and state of our conscious awareness which drives us to desire what will comfort, protect, suppress, and enhance a sensation. Meaning our desires display the hidden intent of the feeling.

Oftentimes, we’ll hear people say, they dress themselves based on how they are feeling. Typically, when a person is in a state of melancholy or dissatisfaction, their clothing becomes a protective armor, they cocoon their sense of vulnerability. On the other side of the spectrum, a person operating from a state of acceptance and confidence might be a bit more expressive and experimental in their choice of attire. The difference between the two is the essence of freedom. The freedom to express your perception of self. But also, freedom in relation to physical, mental, and emotional mobility. Are you burdened and limited by your stylistic choices, or is your physique complemented with grace and ease? What do these choices reveal about our conscious and unconscious nature?

Milan tends to be my fashion month appetizer. Probably more of a palate cleanser, after the preparations at London and New York. Rarely does the baseline or neutralizer supersede the complexities of the main course, but Maximilian Davis’s Ferragamo was the sensory reset and a burst of flavors.

There are many characteristics that make a good womenswear designer, but I’m typically looking for two specific indicators, 1: how well does the designer know and love the anatomy of the woman, 2: is the body and the garment having a harmonious conversation. Dressing is a physiological experience. Our bodies are constantly having a conversation with us about the conversation it’s having with the clothing we put it in. What we wear, how we style our clothing tends to support or interrupt our bodies’ natural functions, which we rarely consider because we operate in the realm of aesthetics, and aesthetics prioritizes sensation over function. When we perceive life strictly from our senses, our emotions, we don’t allow ourselves to understand what and why we feel. Without the ability to consciously interpret what is felt, we cannot and do not understand that which we claim to love, therefore we struggle to identify, decode, and articulate the very energy of love.

Maximilian Davis’s Ferragamo remains at the top of my list because he’s learned to skim through history and understand how women want to dress and translates the freedom of dressing to the modern woman. His designs gracefully dance around the body, as though an act of appreciation, they adorn the body’s natural rhythm. There’s a balance of preservation and transparency in his design language that alludes the Ferragamo woman is self-realized, her choice to protect and reveal is rooted in love. This realization and recognition of self is found in the process of sensing and feeling, as opposed to simply experiencing through observation and participation. And, unfortunately, this where Louise Trotter’s Bottega Veneta fell short.

The emotions that we fail to understand and appreciate, we tend to reject or even isolate, which is often portrayed as concealment. The difference between protecting and hiding is the source of intent. It’s very evident that the pressure to succeed, not because she’s a woman but a skillful designer, burdened Trotter’s creative expression. In her attempt to participate and prove her capabilities, there was no embodiment. She created two options: to be a woman designer or a skillful designer, as if she is not both. Trotter’s Bottega Veneta lacked the beauty, the softness, the ease, and the freedom of femininity. For a spring/summer collection, the clothing was incredibly heavy and burdensome. I can’t help but question, what exactly is she hiding?

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My last letter to you, in 2024, explained that 2025 will be the year of protection and nurturance. Meaning, there is a perception of self (as an individual, couple, business entity, industry, society) that we are very committed to maintaining and/or actualizing. And the narratives created, communicated, manipulated, and sold will illuminate our willingness and capacity to protect and nurture that version and belief of self. This year demands that we carry the responsibility of our choices in a way that, collectively, I don’t think we’ve yet been challenged to do so. I have been thinking about this a lot, as we enter this SS2026 fashion month, because we’re anticipating significant progress from a few switcharoos:

• Demna Gvasalia gives a teaser debut at Gucci

• Dario Vitale’s debut at Versace

• Simone Bellotti’s debut at Jil Sander

• Louise Trotter's debut at Bottega Veneta

• Jonathan Anderson’s ready-to-wear debut at Dior

• Miguel Castro Freitas’s debut at Mugler

• Jack McCollough and Lazaro Hernandez’s debut at Loewe

• Glenn Martens’s ready-to-wear debut at Maison Margiela

• Pier Paolo Piccioli’s debut at Balenciaga

• Duran Lantink’s debut at Jean Paul Gaultier

• Matthieu Blazy’s debut at Chanel

Over the last couple of years, we’ve witnessed numerous, and oftentimes questionable, positional changes with very minimal commitment or evolution to the foundational ethos of these brands. The clothing lacks qualitative value, the historical and cultural impact has diminished, luxury is no longer identifiable and based on the numbers the spectacles and illusions are not being bought. So, I’m sitting here questioning, what exactly are these brands trying to protect? Because as I said before, change doesn’t always mean growth, sometimes it’s just another mirror, in a different form, reflecting what’s not working. I think our losses have brought us to a point of understanding that operating in fear, taking safe bets, showing up unauthentic, and limiting our creative expression is not only a bad business model, but on a personal level, we really rob ourselves of a purposeful and joyful life experience.

The curation of these SS2026 Creative Director debuts reveals who this industry is willing to nurture, trust, and hold accountable for the reshaping of the trajectory of fashion. This is a timeline marker. Many of these designers have already proven their impact—aesthetically. But, this season is not about aesthetics, it’s not about beauty, and it’s not about artistic conceptualization. All of these efforts are to preserve the fashion industry’s role as a cultural indicator, shaper, interpreter, predictor, and definer—that’s where the money is. And let’s be honest, the industry has lost a lot of its credibility and validity. What’s taking form right now is the responsibility of narrating the industry’s “new” declaration of self.

The era of accessibility, acceptability, and inclusivity is coming to an end. Recession or not, a plethora of options, the absence of boundaries, and the inability to say no reflects a lack of discernment, intention and knowledge of the identity’s worth. We protect what we value, and we value that which we know. I anticipate this season being quite controversial because I’m not sure if the industry and their consumers share similar values. I’m not confident that their definitions, perceptions, and beliefs towards growth are in alignment. But, I look forward to talking about it over the next couple of weeks. Speak soon💋

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Those thoughts led to research on how the beginning stages of motherhood, pregnancy, contribute to a child's health. During those nine months of maturation, the mother’s world, how she perceives, feels, and responds to her world (her environment, her relationships, her work) is embedded in the child’s DNA. Our sense of mental, emotional, and physical security really starts in the womb and is then actualized within the first few years of life. A lot of the pain people carry stems from their pre-adolescent years.

As I am thinking about motherhood, I’m simultaneously thinking about my childhood. I remember when, around the age of 7, my communication skills began to evolve. I was learning new words, languages, expressions, and ways of recording the expansion. But it wasn’t fulfilling; in fact, it all felt performative. Language was shown it wasn’t given. Language was used it wasn’t considered. Language was heard it wasn’t understood. Therefore, words, feelings, and intentions weren’t truly known. So, I had this deep longing to understand and be understood. I thought to myself, if language is truly expansive, I’ll create my own. I made little sigils, by design, carried power and meaning, and although no one else understood, I was satisfied with the knowing that I understood. I finally understood myself and what I was trying to communicate. Language was finally a flavor pleasant to my senses.

As my awareness of language shifts, as I am participating in soul-baring conversations, it’s become very evident that the words we use, and the mindsets that we have, are very inclusive, but our actions are exclusive. Our language implies a sharing of responsibility, sharing of accountability, sharing of burdens and sufferings, sharing of the creation of peace and harmony. But our actions, our being and doing lack the level of unity our words emit.

Our bodies, our minds, our hearts, our wombs absorb, store, and carry so much from our ancestors, our past lives, this life, that relationship from five years ago, the conversation from five minutes ago. My choice of words, how I use them, what they mean to me, how they sound to me, how they feel coming from my lips, how they feel coming from another, truthfully reveals what and how I am burdened.

This year has been emotionally challenging for me. Not just on a personal level, but simply existing as an integral part of society. Which, I guess, looking at it from a larger lens, makes sense as I am on a journey to embody and experience a level of sweetness that can only be tasted from the Sun’s luminous Nectar of Truth. I have to become my truth in order to challenge and evolve my current reality. I’ve been questioning if I lack compassion. Compassion is commonly used to describe “suffering together.”

According to Merriam-Webster:

“compassion (kəm-ˈpa-shən)

sympathetic consciousness of others’ distress together with a desire to alleviate.”

Sympathy is a feeling of sorrow or sorry. So, with compassion, this sorrow motivates actions of relief.

I’m a bit embarrassed to admit this because, as an intuitive individual, my heart-knowing, the knowledge coming from my heart, of another is deeply felt and understood. But, the pain of another, constantly being projected onto me, in the form of undeserved anger, has me really looking at humanity differently. There’s this expectation that I am to sympathize, understand someone’s pain, desire to console that pain, and accept their inability to have control over their emotions, yet be burdened by their unresolved pain. I am to consider the instability of another, while there is no consideration of the instability they are causing within me.

Absolutely not.

I might not, yet, be able to choose what my body keeps score, but it is freeing knowing I get to choose whether or not it’ll control and/or define me.

I am incredibly concerned with how much pain is felt, carried, and shared but yet very little eagerness or willingness to be healed. Being curious is not enough anymore; the only option is application. My ancestors believed that our existence, our evolution, and our health are affected, equally, by our relationships and interactions with nature, the cosmos, our family, our community, and God(s). Any lack of respect or balance to those elements brings about dis-ease—emphasizing we aren’t meant to do this life journey alone. When our loving words aren’t honored by, unified with our actions, we create a dis-ease of avoidance, isolation, hyper-independence, self-neglect, and division. Union is healing, it is nourishment.

In my personal healing journey and analysis of compassion, the most loving thing for me to do is protect myself by being responsible for my health and joy, with the awareness that my experience is strictly dependent upon how I choose to impact the moment. The way people choose to feel, express, and live out their pain is their responsibility. I will not and do not feel sorry for those who lack responsibility and accountability for their life choices. With that said, my impact, my choice of expression, is rooted in truth and not pity. And that truth is, being responsible for my joy simultaneously allows me to choose a response that positively impacts the moment. Therefore, allowing me to acknowledge and take ownership of my contribution, the role I play in my life, in other people’s lives, amongst nature, and as a co-creator of all that is.

My source of understanding is not derived from feelings that burden my body, but from a knowing of the battlefield. The battlefield that’s lonely, with no audience and no applause. A silent battle I often choose to struggle through alone. My newfound relationship with myself, my family, nature, and God has helped me to realize, union is not sharing or mirroring pain and suffering, but of healing. When I choose healing, everything around me is supportive. When I choose to sit in my pain, everything around me feels painful. With that knowing, I am able to choose a language that is intentional, purposeful, and impactful.

As I am in between childhood and motherhood, my priority is healing and unburdening myself of the words, feelings, actions, projections, and expectations of other people’s ways of socializing—ways that I’ve unloving socialized. I recognize that language is sacred, the verbal and non-verbal are all oh-so powerful, therefore my actions should complement my heart and not weaponize what it carries. I guess, I like to think the more self, soul, and spirit work I do, the fearlessly loving my children will be, the more truth they will seek, speak, and embody.

And if, somehow, children weren’t written in my contract, at least I know I’ll be fucking undeniable.

I must say, I do, secretly, desire for me and my lover to either create a language of our own or learn a language only used by us, to maintain an intimate level of understanding and being-ness, untainted and uninfluenced by the world around us.

It’s Sunday, okay, the girls are dreaming!

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The Moon whispers sweet lullabies, riddles, and rhythms as I slumber. Ancient and imaginative stories and truths permeate my mind in the form of delicate psalms. Wisdom beyond my time. Feelings only known by impacted hearts. But, somehow, someway, they are here with me. Life, unknown to me, unfolds within me. The Moon gazes back at me with reverence, awe, and wonder as I process the what was, what will, and how so, for you and I. What will I do with it? Will it be shared? How will I share…the secrets of the Moon? As divine recipients of inspirational knowledge, we, too, have the choice of showing up as messengers and messages. As a Storyteller, Shahrnaz Javid, is committed to delivering written and photographic messages. Get to know Shahrnaz as she explains her life as a messenger.

Ciana Mai: Writing is a very spontaneous, intuitive, and spiritual act for me. Over the course of a few days, I'll scribble a little outline, resulting in a list of questions and metaphors. But, I don't sit down and fully finish a piece until the words come to me in a dream. Establishing the perfect environment, mood, or mindset—I know nothing about that. I'm usually frantically waking up in the middle of the night, or mid-nap, with one eye open, reaching for my laptop or notepad. It's quite a disruptive and controlling impulse. Talk me through your writing process—is it intentional or impromptu?

Shahrnaz Javid: I have different writing brains. I have the writing that I do for poetry—for personal prose. I have a brain for more journalistic style editorials. I have a brain for my work. They all have different needs. When you were saying what it’s like for you, this disruptive feeling, I think that’s true for anyone who is true to the art form—when it comes to poetry and prose. Etel Adnan, is one of my favorite writers. She was a Lebanese-American poet, essayist, painter, visual artist, and then some. I have several of her books. In one of them, she herself says poetry should be impulsive. It’s not something that’s supposed to be premeditated because it’s the subconscious veil being lifted. In the last year and a half, I have started writing a book. It’s a compilation of poetry, observations, and short stories. I felt this was appropriate because it’s just me writing and sharing my truths, and being able to write impulsively without having to worry about backstories, character developments, and all that. The only requirement that I have to write, outside of it being impulsive, is that I have to be by the light. I have to be by natural light for all of my writing brains.

CM: Did you enjoy writing as a child?

SJ: Yes! Yes, I’ve always loved writing. I remember every year, for the Scholastic Book Fair, I never actually went to the books. I always went to the stationery.

CM: Same!

SJ: Exactly! I was like, Oh my God, a new journal! Oh my God, new pens! It was like velvet on my skin. It was so invigorating to go to the Scholastic Book Fair and get new stationery. And then using that to write my dad, or my uncles, or anybody in my family who loved notes. When I was in the first or second grade, the Queen and last Empress of Iran, who, with the royal family, fled to Iran after the revolution in ‘79, at the time had lost her children. They first moved to Egypt, then to several other countries: Morocco, Mexico, Panama, the US, before eventually returning to Egypt under protection. He eventually died of cancer there in exile. But after he passed away, two of his children also passed away. Despite my views today, I was raised in a pro-Shah household, so naturally my baba and his side all mourned for the Queen. I was a very empathetic child. I felt terrible for the Shahbanou (Queen). I remember asking my dad for her email address. He found some contact information for her and he shared it with me. So, I went up to the computer, waited for the dial-up, went to my little AOL account, wrote her a poem, and I sent it to her. It was a poem about my condolences and the loss of a child—as if I would know. But, she responded! And I lost my mind! I ran downstairs and told my baba when I got the reply. My baba couldn’t believe it; he printed it out, gave copies, and forwarded the email to everybody in the family.

My baba was also a writer. He was very intellectual. He was very poetic. He used to love reading Chicken Soup—

CM: —Chicken Soup For The Soul! I used to love those!

SJ: We used to read those together—before bed. I used to look at the backs of those books, then looked online, and saw that they annually published submissions. So, in the third grade, I wrote a poem and submitted it. It wasn’t just for publishing, it was also to receive an award, and I won! I remember the first few lines, and I always laugh at myself because it plays in my head very randomly. Again, I’m in third grade when I wrote this. It was called: The Lights in Life. Let me recite it for a moment—what I remember. The lights in life are hard to see. But, what do you do with a friend who passes you without saying hi? Not only a friend, a friend you trusted and trusted you more. A friend you were only there for but was never there for you. A friend who broke a promise or broke your favorite toy…

CM: You’re going to make me cry—you were in third grade!

SJ: I was in third grade!

CM: So, when did you get into poetry?

SJ: My love of poetry absolutely stemmed from my baba. Poetry, of course, originated in prehistoric times, crossed Africa and Ancient Persia, and celebrated Iranian poets like Hafiz and Rumi. The constant sharing of stories. There’s this book called The Shahnameh, Persian Book of Kings, it’s a long long epic poem written by Ferdowsi—the whole thing. I was raised on so many of these stories, poems, and epics. The last time my mom visited, she brought all these books she found from my childhood. They’re all books I got from or read with my baba.

CM: Do you remember the first thing you wrote for your own enjoyment?

SJ: It would’ve had to been that poem from the third grade—that would be the very first thing that I remember. Other than that, I remember when I first met DJ, I would write him all the time. I remember the first poem that I wrote to him. It had to do with walking side-by-side, separated by a thin layer of glass. I think I used that glass as a metaphor: you’re with somebody, you see each other, but you’re still separate, still an individual. But then there’s a moment, everyone hopes, that the glass shatters, and the two become one. But, at the same time, I don’t know if it’s really necessary that the two become one. I think the point is that you find a way to be an individual as well. I don’t think the glass has to shatter to be someone’s, or for someone to be yours.

CM: Has being in love made you a better writer?

SJ: Honestly? In my poetry? No. Infatuation skyrockets those words. But being in love, or building with someone, especially long term, has made me a better long-form writer because I have a partner who is challenging me always to critically assess. Through that constant practice, I have refined my voice and have come to think more of myself while in the process, actually.

CM: When I reflect upon the times we've shared space, you always had a camera in your hands. There's something very metaphysical about photography. I can't help but think, photographers are either running from or searching for life. What are you seeking to discover through pausing time?

SJ: When I was studying journalism, with a focus on editorial writing, I also did photojournalism. My photographic journey has evolved. I disconnect from it, I rediscover it, and I do these things in cycles. I don’t think I’m running from anything, and I don’t think I’m seeking life. It’s very much about being present. But also, my biggest fear is forgetting. I don’t fear death, I’m not afraid of heights, but I’m very much afraid of forgetting.

CM: So, you want to re-experience?

SJ: Yeah. If I can capture an image that when you look at it you can feel the air around it—let me go grab…These are all scanned prints. From trips in Morocco, Spain, this is Sumi in Paris, Minu sleeping on DJ’s shoulders—ugh! There’s so many. But, let’s say when I’m eighty and I have Alzheimer’s and I don’t remember this moment, I want to be able to look at an image and be transported there. That always subconsciously plays in the back of my mind when it comes to photography. And also with writing and poetry—anything I can do to capture a feeling or a time in my life. If I could capture a scent in a bottle that wasn’t perfume, I would do that too.

CM: As a visual and literary storyteller, how does your approach to perspective, feeling, and intensity change with each medium?

SJ: It definitely depends on where I’m at mentally. With all the stages of motherhood and seasonal depression—intensity is impacted. I used to document a lot of people. There used to be a lot of subjects in my photography. But, then I noticed, over the last five years, I’m not capturing people anymore. I hardly ever document people—it’s become more buildings, inanimate objects, small details, patterns.

CM: Why do you think that is?

SJ: I was feeling for a long time there’s so many people in the world. I mean, right? There are! And I was tired of seeing everybody. I wanted some silence. I wanted some tranquility and peace of mind. So, I wanted to distance myself from these subjects that I used to always document. I also wanted to respect people and give them some privacy. Because of motherhood and these uncertainties in my life—it just felt like pressure everywhere. The privacy was a reflection of how I was feeling. I wanted to be invisible for some time, I wanted to take time for myself, and adapt to my changes. That’s also reflected in my writing. I do find that whenever I’m sad, I love to write. I love to write the most depressing stuff. And whenever I’m happy, the writings become shorter—just one little stream of consciousness. A sentence that’s just light and airy. My writings and visuals are impacted quite similarly.

CM: I was journaling about that recently. When I’m in these introspective moods I can write pages and pages for hours. But, when life is blissful and I’m a little bit more present, in my writing language, I’m not discovering, analyzing, and dissecting what happiness and joy mean to me—they’re just felt. It’s as if the only time I’m deep is when I’m challenged with something. I need to be able to challenge myself even in the enjoyment.

SJ: When I was still living in Chicago, I was in a few different threads with different people, one group was like, let’s do a gratitude list! Sometimes I love cheesy things. I felt like it was corny because it didn’t have as much substance as when I’m emotionally tormented. But, to what you’re saying, it was a good exercise to practice for the moments when I was not in a dark place. It’s a good practice for me to write down and record things that are positive and bringing optimism into my life. I don’t just say, I’m grateful for blah blah blah. I say, I’m grateful for blah blah because of this and what it implies. Even if it’s not as poetic, it’s still that recording of the good and understanding why.

CM: In my own self-documentation, I become very disconnected from the human being that I am. My writing can get very spiritual and otherworldly, to the point that I really get lost elsewhere, until I’m forced to reenter my body. What narratives do you observe yourself manifesting through your self-documentation?

SJ: I think I can say something similarly. In a non-negative way, I feel very disconnected when I’m doing my best work. When I’m too present in the work, it becomes biased. I feel like a lot of things that I write, I’m like, where does this trauma come from? I never went through something like this for me to write so passionately. I can’t really explain, but so many things come to and through me. I don’t know where it comes from. But, I know it is for someone who can’t find the words themselves.

CM: Like the poem you wrote in the third grade!

SJ: Exactly! I didn’t even have any friends in third grade—how am I writing about the one that broke up with me? I think it’s weird, this self-documentation is never about me. The photographs are obviously my memories. But, documenting less and less humans, and more and more surroundings—these memories can be anyone’s! It’s like removing the ego or the self. I would rather it transcend and resonate with more people then it be about myself.

CM: How has motherhood altered or evolved your craft—what new disciplines and rituals have come about?

SJ: I’ve disconnected from a lot of things. When I was pregnant, I felt like my most beautiful and spiritual self—you know? You’re growing life! So, everything is like stars shooting out of you. I was fortunate to have a really good pregnancy. But, in the aftermath, I went more inward because I needed to reconnect with myself again. I also needed to make a connection with the person I just birthed and with DJ. So, how did it impact my work? I needed to take a step back. We moved to a new country—the same time I became a mother. The same time, Covid happened. The same time, I was looking for work. There was so many external factors, not just motherhood and what was going on in my body, that caused this uncertainty. When I finally stepped back into it, in the last two-three years, my poetry and my photography have just matured. It’s a lot more succinct. I’m enjoying saying more with less.

CM: What’s a lesson life taught you, pertaining to womanhood, that you look forward to teaching your daughter?

SJ: With Minu, I want to do my best to share everything with the most transparency so that she doesn’t feel uncomfortable with any of it. Whether or not it’s a set of emotions, friendships that she’s making, or any kind of anxiety that she might be feeling—I don’t want any feeling or emotion to be unfamiliar to her that she can’t identify. I want her to be able to perceive, differentiate, and digest everything that’s happening in her mind and body. Those are all things I learned later in life. And I would rather her learn them from me than figure it out later on her own.

CM: Tell me about a time when you thought, "damn, I love being a woman."

SJ: I have that thought anytime I’m dancing in the mirror. I love dancing, period. That’s something passed on from my mother and her father. But, having the space to myself and moving my body—I’m not doing it for anyone else. I’m not doing it for attention. No one is judging you. It’s just you, yourself, and you’re connecting with yourself. It’s like awakening all of these senses. I felt the most beautiful in my life when I was pregnant. Second to that is when I’m dancing alone.

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A woman’s body has everything in it to save her life

if you must

use your legs as raft

heel as hammer

teeth as machete

monthly blood as healing salve

milk for building

breasts as shelter

learn to breathe

use your locks to suture every wound

learn to scream

learn to scream

learn to speak

learn to live

within the smallest muscle of your heart.

Cheryl Boyce-Taylor, “Tools”

People always say it’s important to be in flow. But, what exactly are you in flow with? Is this current that you’ve surrendered yourself to going in a direction beneficial to you…or others? Is it leading you to self-empowerment or serving all things outside of you? Beauty isn’t always soft and gentle—conventional. Sometimes, it reveals the very thing we avoid. The truth. Self-respect isn’t a new phenomenon for the SSENSE Personal Shopper Ché. Get to know Ché as she explains the importance of honoring your truth.

Ciana Mai: I’ve been journaling a lot about the importance of making time to take my time—what it means to actually slow down and be present. I’ve concluded that presence is the self-control needed to be exclusive. Self-control eliminates all distractions preventing interfacing—oneness with whatever it is I’m giving my attention to at that moment. Accessibility, instant and constant accessibility, I believe, has decreased not only our quality of living but also our creative expression. What is your relationship with self-control and self-discipline when navigating an industry supporting this era of access and excess?

CHÉ: My relationship with self-control varies. When I’m focusing on work and we have so much information being thrown at us every day, I need complete quietness. Like, white-noise. I need control in that way. But, I also think that because my job is online and social media is an aspect of that, when I’m done working, I disconnect completely from social media and technology. I’m someone who’s quite introverted and not super social—I need to check out. I take a lot of time to reenergize myself.

This is the first year that I started journaling, which I’m very proud of. Getting my thoughts on paper has been very helpful because my mind is so chaotic—it’s easy for me to get overwhelmed. With my journal, everything is in one place now, so I don’t have to keep thinking about it. I’ll subconsciously tell myself things 24/7 to almost convenience myself to remember.

CM: Do you worry about being overexposed—losing a sense of self?

CHÉ: Yes and no. When I was younger, I didn’t really have a filter. But now, I’m more inclined to have a little bit more privacy. I always battle with wanting to do social media. Even doing YouTube, I wanted it to be personal, authentic, and be more real. It’s a fine line. I’m still not comfortable in front of the camera, like who I want to perceive myself as. It’s such a weird thing to talk to a camera. I just want to be who I am: my thoughts are all over the place and nothing is always fucking positive.

CM: I wonder if that’s an Aries thing because I feel the same way, perceived as having a negative undertone.

CHÉ: That’s life! You can’t always be positive about everything—that’s so fake to me. I like seeing creatives who say, this is the shit I go through, these are my real thoughts, and there is no sugar-coating. I’m attracted to that because it helps me understand other people; they’re more relatable.

CM: I live by Cathy Netherwood’s statement: ‘Sexiness resides not in freedom, but in control’. When does the quest for freedom—boundlessness become self-neglect?

CHÉ: When it comes to self-control, I’ve set certain boundaries with myself. So, for example, I immediately think of financial freedom. I’ve had conversations with friends asking if I’d do OnlyFans for X-amount of money. No matter how much financial freedom that might give me, at the end of the day, I have to live with myself. I have to respect myself and my beliefs; that’s a boundary I won’t cross. We see a lot of people selling out—

CM: —So, freedom is tethered to integrity, our self-perception and self-respect?

CHÉ: Yes, exactly. Because I would feel like a fraud going against my beliefs.

CM: I think about that a lot—how no one really stands for anything anymore. Freedom only exists because of limitations.

CHÉ: If I stand for something and go against it, how can I look myself in the mirror and have the same respect that I did before? You would lose your sense of self.

CM: We say these words a lot: freedom, respect, love. But, I still have to define what those words mean to me. And then I have to operate accordingly, otherwise, those words mean nothing.

CHÉ: I agree.

CM: Oh de Laval recently shared, “Seduction is reaching a childhood memory of [a] person.” The idea of attraction is rooted in nostalgia. Do you find that to be true when you reflect upon how you perceived beauty as a child and how you now identify with it?

CHÉ: Yeah, I do think attraction is rooted in nostalgia. As a child, I found a lot of things fascinating when they were out of the norm, different, what people would consider unconventional beauty. I had an aunt that I met when I was about five years old, she had a shaved head. I remember being so in awe. She looked so strong, so confident, and so beautiful. Back in the day, you didn’t see women with shaved heads. But, seeing that when I was young, I really kept that with me. When I was eighteen, I shaved my head. And even though the world was like, Don’t shave your head, you’re a woman! You should have hair. I did it! And I felt so powerful.

I also think that when I was younger, I gravitated towards things that were different because I’m four feet tall. I’ve always known it was wrong to be as small as I am. It’s not normal. But, in acknowledging that I am different, I think I try to find beauty in things that are also different in other people.

CM: When it looks like everyone is doing the same, everyone looks the same, everyone talks the same, there’s this lingering thought of how do I remain myself, knowing I’m constantly going to stand out, knowing I’m constantly going to be rejected? We need people to have the courage to shake shit up, evolution requires it, and we get to be those people!

CHÉ: Since I was a child, I was always like, Fuck it! They’re going to look at me regardless! I took control of how I wanted to present myself. They’re going to look at me regardless, so I’m going to shave my head, I’m going to have a mohawk, and change my hair to hot pink. I’m going to have the confidence to look weird walking down the streets of Toronto, Montréal, or wherever, really! I’m going to do what I want. People are always going to be questioning me. Why would I put myself in the box that you want me to be in?

CM: With that level of confidence at such a young age, was the act of dressing something you put much thought into?

CHÉ: I did! My mom’s an artist. And when I was young, I never played with toys. I just scribbled. My way of playing was drawing. In expressing myself, art became fashion.

CM: Did your mom have any influence on your style?

CHÉ: My mom is a little bit more reserved. But, she’s a hot mom! She would sew clothes for me when I was young. But, in terms of our fashion aligning, no. She loves doing anything creative, but I don’t think her creativity necessarily leans into fashion.

CM: Over the years, I’ve met with stylists who’ve explained that they find it easier to dress others than to dress themselves. Similarly, when designers make clothing they do not wear. I’ve always found that interesting, as it was my personal taste and exploration of style that made me confident in supporting the development and maintenance of someone else’s stylistic expression. To not have a personal relationship with a craft—to be a chef who’s not tasted his food—but yet offer it to another has me constantly considering what qualities make for good style vs what qualities deem a good stylist?

CHÉ: Good style is learning the rules of fashion. In terms of what colors look good with what, the textures and silhouettes. A good stylist knows those rules and how to break them—how to play with them. A good stylist manipulates those rules based on what works for the client.

CM: Yes! There’s an element of knowledge and natural ability. Taste, to me, is a natural ability. I don’t believe it’s something you can learn. Style is the balance of the two: the natural instinct and acquired knowledge. If there’s no natural instinct, you’re a student—you’re a good studier.

CHÉ: You can tell the difference between people who get the basics and the people who have it in them to explore. It’s in their mind what you can’t teach—that’s what makes a good stylist!

CM: Based on your definition, who’s a stylist that comes to mind?

CHÉ: IB Kamara. He has a distinctive look. You see his work and you know that it is him.

CM: Tell me about a time when you were just like, "damn, I love being a woman.”

CHÉ: You know the women you meet in the bathroom who are like, Oh my God, you look so cute! That dress is crazy! It’s those conversations and those compliments that are pretty great. Women have a lot of options for how we present ourselves visually, our hair, our makeup, our clothes, and that’s thanks to a lot of women of our past who paved the way. The freedom to look how I want is what I love. Of course, people are going to judge me and judge you. But, we’ve made a lot of progress in how we stand up for ourselves, and that’s what I love about being a woman.

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We can’t forget

how to sing, barefoot on the dew-kissed grass, lost in the gravity of ourselves.

Holding yesterday close.

Eyes turned from the vastness of tomorrow.

We are as young as the last word to leave our lips,

as young as the last light trapped in our eyes.

These are the lifetimes carved out in the pomegranate pulse of our hearts.

Frederick Joesph

Traditions have always been vital in preserving knowledge. The rituals remind us of where we came from, why we’re here, what’s possible, and our limitations. Generation after generation, our minds expand, our purposes shift, and the shackles of our limitations seem to have loosened a bit. It is our reverence for the past that we don’t forget—we haven’t forgotten life before this very moment, what it took to get to this moment. It takes a dedicated heart to handle the past as a delicacy. Tianni Graham was born with the natural drive to do so. As the Principal Archivist at Thom Browne and the curator of Archivealive, Tianni immerses herself in the records of the wise. Get to know Tianni as she explains her personal archive.

Ciana Mai: I’ve had a difficult relationship with history. The stories that were told and taught felt very…limiting. Incomplete. They were troubling to my spirit. And honestly, didn’t feel like my own—of my own lineage. It wasn’t till I was curious enough to get to know myself on a more soul level that I began to realize and appreciate the wisdom of my past. How has your love of history and research brought you back to your own ancestral roots?

Tianni Graham: My paternal grandpa was from Honduras. But, his mom was from Cuba and his dad was from Jamaica. I never met them because they passed away before I was born. I actually didn’t know any of my ancestors from that side except my grandfather. My grandfather passed away when I was ten years old. While he was here, I spent a lot of time talking to him and I asked him a lot of questions about his life back home—what a 10-year-old could think of. But, as I got older and time went on, I realized, wow, there’s so much that I don’t know. So, I would speak to my father and any other living elders in my family. Combining the little that they did know, I applied history and I learned that in the late 1800s, Caribbean people migrated to Central America for work to build the Panama Canal. I drew the conclusion that might have been how my grandfather ended up in Honduras. I don’t have actual proof, yet, but it really is a huge goal of mine to trace my roots—that’s somewhere I would start.

CM: Knowing your lineage definitely helps you have a greater understanding of who you are. Without it, that disconnect almost feels like an illness. Like I’m detached from a part of my DNA.

TG: Yeah! There was a time when I felt like there was a part of me missing. Like, damn I wish I had something to go back to, something tangible. So, that’s why I’ve started my own archive. At the very least, I will have something to pass down to my children, my grandchildren, and their children.

CM: How are you documenting and preserving your story?

TG: Literally in every way possible. As an archivist, we’re taught that you never know what will happen—especially environmentally. But, you can’t solely rely on the digital side, because as we’ve seen with the Viacom archives and other institutional archives, they’ve just been wiped from existence. So, you need to have both. I have a personal digital archive in Dropbox, dating back to the early 2010s, with videos of blog era rappers’ early live performances, a lot of them being their first shows in New York. Old T-shirts from school. I moved around a lot earlier in my life, so I have shirts from a bunch of different schools. And that kind of helps to track what I did at those schools because I always participated in many different activities, clubs, and sports. Even on a fashion and textile level, the t-shirts that they printed on you see the differences in quality. The ultra heavy-duty Gildan vs the little Fruit of the Loom. Or some names you’ve never heard of, but they still stand the test of time—they’re still durable. I posted a t-shirt from 2001 when I was in second grade…I can still fit it! I have a t-shirt from the first concert I ever went to, Scream Tour 2, with BowWow featuring B2K. I actually saw them twice. The first time I saw them, my mom took me, and her best friend (my godmother) took her daughter. We got our t-shirts from Jamaica Avenue, which is like a historical place to shop in New York—especially if you’re a Long Island/Queens girl. With gentrification, it’s a totally different place now. So, it’s good to have those shirts because they remind me of that time before it changed.

I still have CDs I made—mixed CDs. I used to be a huge Kanye fan…heavy on used to! Cause I don’t know that man now. But, back in the day, when he was at the peak of his artistry, I was on a forum called, Kanye Live. Right before 808s & Heartbreak was about to drop, there was a leak of his unmixed and unmastered records. I have a CD of those leaked records before they were completely finished. That documented what fandom was for me.

CM: What are you documenting today—of the present moment?

TG: I actually purchased a Polaroid printer. You can put your phone on the screen and it’ll print the images on Polaroid film. So, I’ve been creating a photo album, trying to keep the tradition alive of family photos. Even though I don’t have children, I have a long-term boyfriend, my family, and memorable moments. I print those images out and put them in a photo album. I’ll write who’s in the image and the date. Archival photo collections tend to lack date identifiers. So, I made it a mission to provide the date for the images I print. When I go to exhibitions, I always get a program and I save those. Whether a museum or a gallery, I always try to take something tangible.

CM: You’ve once mentioned that what’s deemed as archivable is determined by the institution’s priorities and values. What do you prioritize when curating this record of your life?

TG: The value of all the books, magazines, CDs, and clothes that I’ve collected over the years is determined not only by how much it cost but also by how it made me feel and its ability to connect me to the moment in time that it was acquired. The emotional attachment can’t be duplicated or replicated, which makes it priceless to me on a deeply personal level. Applying what I’ve learned through professional experience, I keep things in folders and bankers’ boxes to protect things from the elements. It provides a level of organization because within each box, there are specific contents in it. It makes it easier for me to find, instead of having things loose. And that’s the difference between hoarding versus collecting—the organization.

CM: That might be the reason I don’t hold onto things. I’m so scared of having so much stuff and not knowing how to juggle it all. I’m organized because I keep what I know I can handle. But, now I have very little proof of life, and that’s even more scary.

TG: Since I moved a lot when I was younger, I have nothing from my childhood, like literally nothing. I’ve always been a nostalgic person. I’ve always loved going to people’s houses and looking through their photo albums. I just think it’s a great way to document your journey through life. I always knew I wanted to work in fashion, so it’s been great to look back at photos like, oh I’ve always been adherently stylish—whether we had money at the time or not. I didn’t come from a middle class. We were lower class…borderline poverty. It’s been cool seeing that we made do with what we had, using fashion as a visual indicator. You wouldn’t even be able to tell that I wasn’t having.

CM: I think that is what people are missing, style has nothing to do with money! If you have taste, if you have style, you can make do with anything.

TG: I see on social media that people compare themselves a lot. Their lack of designer labels makes them feel less than. But, they don’t realize people are able to acquire these pieces through alternative means. Back in the day, there was layaway, and now there’s Klarna and Afterpay. Plenty of people are in credit card debt for living beyond their means, buying clothing with money they don’t have. Then there are those who scam, steal, and boost.

CM: Boost?

TG: It’s when someone shoplifts, with the intent to sell it at a lower price. That was like a thing in the hood. Boosters would go into Macy’s and other department stores to steal the hottest products that they knew people would want. So, back then it was like Baby Phat, Rocawear, Sean John—those type of brands. They would steal them and they would sell them on the street lower than retail, and that’s how they would make a profit. In one of my favorite childhood photos, I’m wearing this Baby Phat shirt, and it came from one of my dad’s booster friends. But, when my mom was just on her own we would go to Jamaica Avenue. There were a lot of independent mom-and-pop shops, or just like smaller local stores that were specific to New York.

CM: So, what are your standards for expanding and caring for your wardrobe?

TG: As far as caring for my clothes, my standards are very high. Especially because I’ve ruined a lot of clothes. Now that I spend a little bit more money, I’m way more intentional. Before, I would wash a dry-clean-only dress. I wouldn’t even research if it’s optional. Because, you know, there are certain pieces you can wash on delicate. But, I wouldn’t care. I would wash it in hot water, dry it on high, and then it would come out shrunken. The pleats would be a mess. The silk lost its shine. I’ve torn some stuff up! I’ve put leather in the washing machine—like crazy.

When it comes to buying pieces, now, I’m more selective. My style is more refined. I have a higher sense of value. If I do fast fashion, it would be something from Zara—to party in. It’s really about how I feel, the quality, and the price. Just because something is expensive doesn’t mean it’s worth it. Coming from retail and having a fashion-merchandising background, I have a great sense of the business of fashion. I know how much it cost to manufacture and produce something, then the markup that’s placed upon it, and then the cycle of sale. Knowing that something will go on sale, I’ll have the patience to wait, instead of buying it in that moment. And not only am I waiting, I’m monitoring to see the pattern. I’m very intentional and diligent in the way I shop.

I came to the decision that I wanted to look and feel like my best self, in a way that reflected who I am, in totality—and who I want to be. I want to be perceived as a serious fashion-history professional. When I go to events, I want to make sure I give that off immediately. Everything from the hair, to the makeup, the eyebrows, the shades—

CM:—Your eyebrows are amazing!

TG: Thank you! I literally just fill them in with a pencil. I’ve never gotten them tweezed, waxed, plucked…nothing.

CM: I feel like you’re lying to me!

TG: I promise you!

CM: They’re perfect! If you’re not touching them now. Don’t ever!… Well, in your pursuit of cherishing the past, how do you ensure it doesn’t become an escape?

TG: There has to be a balance. Because it’s very easy to go down the rabbit hole. I’m an archivist for Thom Browne, oftentimes I have no idea what’s going on presently—what’s going on in the store. I work with runway. I’m always working with two collections prior to the one we just put out. Working with museums, they’ll want something from earlier in Thom’s career. So, I’ve had to make a conscious effort to be in the present for the brand. A lot of times, the design team pulls from the archives to reference—we’re a very self-referential brand. When I see the shows is when I realize why they pulled what they pulled.

With Archivealive, that is where I get most down the rabbit hole. Archivealive is an extension of my personal life and interests. It’s all encompassing. I have to remember, you still need to know what’s going on presently because the past, present, and future all inform each other.

CM: Collectively, I think what we’re lacking today is balance, acceptance, and resolution. To be, give, and receive from the present, while also admiring and honoring the remembered past and mystical tomorrow. Yes, history is known to be cyclical, but what do you think is preventing us from trusting that what we need is not in the past, nor the future, but right where we are in this now moment?

TG: I think capitalism and comfortability. We’re mourning a time we didn’t experience, and with capitalism, we see how that’s profitable. The standard has already been set. We’re trying to chase the thing that already worked, instead of creating something new. What gets lost is all of the other external factors that informed that thing at that time. With the popularity of the mini-skirt in the 60’s, it was such a huge hit at the time because it was so against the grain. It hadn’t been done before. You can’t recreate the feeling of newness.

CM: So, what’s keeping the fashion industry stuck in nostalgia?

TG: A lot of pioneering moments are acts of rebellion. That thing to rebel against, the intentionality, that is what we cannot capture—we’re missing the depth in the context. There’s so much unknown, especially right now in our political landscape, we don’t know which way to go. We never know what can be shot down, what will and won’t be accepted, because the times are so different. And what is culturally acceptable is ever-changing. There’s way more money on the line than there ever has been before. And now that we are in a recession—again—we’re not in a place to take chances. People don’t realize that fashion is one of the largest revenue-generating industries that is expensive to run. Inventory is the largest cost for any company: the cost of inventory, storing it, and preserving it.

CM: It’s been said that our memories are tethered to our senses. What is the music of today revealing about our memories?

TG: With the internet and the rise of archive pages, kids are seeing how free we were without cell phones and the prevalence of social media. A lot of the samples that we’re hearing reflect that sentiment. A lot of the early-2000s pop, which we would see in TRL and 106 & Park, we’re starting to hear those sounds again. And going back to fashion, the formula worked already. The songs that they’re sampling were already number-one hits. If you inject that familiarity into a new song, it gains that proximity.

There was an art to sampling. Producers had some sort of music educational background. But now, people have seen how lucrative the music industry is, and the standards have changed—the point of entry has changed. You don’t have to be as talented. You can be popular, you can have a lot of charisma, and they will go in and use technology to enhance your voice. I feel like a lot of people don’t even know how to read music anymore—like sheet music. They don’t even know what a treble clef looks like. They don’t know how to identify time signatures. With that knowledge, you have a different level of respect for the art of music.

CM: Well…what happened to feeling—have feelings of love, longing, hopelessness, and regret become shameful?

TG: In a societal sense, yes. It’s weird seeing people be vulnerable and people take that as an opportunity to shit on them. There could be an outpour of love, but then the tide would change very quickly, like a mockery. Things aren’t taken seriously anymore. Everything is a joke. And everything is under attack. You can’t just be and you can’t just feel.

In music, definitely. Especially in R&B, which is supposed to be one of the most vulnerable and expressive forms of Black music. Since society is more ashamed of vulnerable feelings, it doesn’t make it universal anymore.

CM: When do you think that happened?

TG: I want to say maybe when we became desensitized to all the trauma that we see online. I’m just spitballing because I think this is a more recent phenomenon. Everyone is just projecting.

CM: Projecting their own misery.

TG: Yes. That’s why I’ve held back. I used to share everything. But, there are people who don’t follow their dreams and have very limited thinking. To see someone live out loud—that’s foreign to them. A lot of times, when things are foreign, they’re intimidating, they stir up feelings of jealousy or unworthiness.

CM: People just aren’t supportive. And, they don’t respect boundaries. There are no boundaries on social media—that’s the issue.

TG: You are preaching!

CM: Tell me about a time when you were just like, "damn, I love being a woman”.

TG: I have that revelation often. It comes from strength, being resourceful, and making things happen, especially without a man. Or even providing a woman’s perspective, as a black woman, giving greater context to something. For example, I co-curated an exhibition honoring video vixens. Growing up, I always thought they were the coolest, sexist, confident, and stylish women. It wasn’t until I got older that I learned that society disapproved of the way they represented women and believed they were poor role models for young girls. The exhibition was a love letter that visually highlighted their contributions to hip-hop, and it was cool to have a cohort of vixens in attendance at the opening.

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My perception and presentation of self, expressions, and ways of communication have been shifting and expanding in form. I’ve been in the process of birthing a new self, while simultaneously grieving who I was and who I loved, that no longer aligns with the vibration of love and truth I’ve stepped into. I’m recalibrating, and that temperance is heavily reflected in the words my mind so delicately gathers to write to you. So much so, I’ve found myself restraining more than ever. I felt a bit too exposed, a little unsure of myself, knowing I could no longer hold onto who I was, what I believed, and those who perpetuated those beliefs. I’ve had to accept that writing is an abrupt, violent, and intrusive experience for me; it is not something that I can force. It is something that I allow. I must allow the words to come to me, as opposed to thinking my way to it.

Lately, writing about the fashion industry feels like a chore, almost morally degrading, spending so much time, energy, and attention on an entity that doesn’t give a rat’s ass about its contributors. And I’m sick of trying to convince myself otherwise, when it’s only the same ol’ song every 6 months. What matters most to me are the creators and the creations. Humanizing the creators, identifying the purposeful creator within us of all, and the consciousness that breathes beauty into our being to be actualized. I’m not here to sell you a trend, or a brand, or a belief. I write to challenge my observations and yours. I write to understand what this reality, this society, this moment in time reflects and reveals about me—reveals about us.

I say all of that to say, How to: is under construction. I’m allowing it to take me where it needs to go to expand me as a creative. I no longer want to limit myself. I’m here to express myself. I hope you will join me💋

Check your inbox in a few days, you’ll love what I left!

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“squabble (skwä-bəl)

to quarrel noisily and usually over petty matters”

A fight is simply a wounded dance!

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“Tell stories filled with facts.

Make people

Touch and Feel and Taste and KNOW.

Make people FEEL FEEL FEEL.”

Octavia E. Butler (1970-1995)

All too often we find ourselves trapped in a war between external and internal voices. Questioning, Whose guidance can I trust? Who do I listen to this time? Our intuition is so powerful because: it doesn’t give an explanation, it doesn’t try to convince you or bribe you—it’s a firm knowing. It’s a feeling, a response, a reaction that radiates from the depth of your heart, to your finger tips, the top of your head, tingling down to your toes. It is the most confident voice and comforting feeling in the midst of a crisis. But, this is a relationship within yourself that you learn to strengthen and up the volume. Something the Los Angeles-based Stylist, Tamia Mathis, knows all about. Get to know Tamia as she explains how this thing called life is all about the feeling!

Let’s start from the very beginning, what was your rite of passage into styling?

Tamia Mathis: It depends on how far back you want to go! I’ve always had a pretty strong opinion and distinctive taste, even as a kid. I remember always having a sense of what I liked and didn’t. I really love the process of being a woman and getting ready. I have so many memories of myself laying on a bed, watching my mom, older cousins, and friends getting ready and asking for my opinion. It’s my favorite game! I watched a lot of television as a kid: Kimora: Life in The Fab Lane, True Jackson VP, The Rachel Zoé Project, and many others all helped me to realize that working in fashion was tangible. From there I just had to figure out what exactly I wanted to do.

In a true LA girl fashion, I have a cousin whose best friend—at the time—was the stylist assistant to the stylist of Jhene Aiko, Goapele, and Kelly Rowland. So, the summer I graduated high school, I told my cousin I was interested in going into fashion and being a stylist. She connected me with her friend and I began interning on that team for the summer. While in fashion school, I picked up a part-time job working at the American Apparel Factory store. Before they filed for bankruptcy, I worked my way up to interning in the photo studio. I’d go in and steam bodysuits and leggings for hours on end. As time went on I was offered an official position and worked on e-comm shoots and eventually lifestyle shoots. I’m very grateful to Sayaka for all of the opportunities and everything she taught me during my time there.

But, the first official time someone asked me to be a stylist was a shoot with Amandla Stenberg photographed by Zoé Lawrence, for Drome magazine. The concept was for Amandla to embrace both their masculine and feminine sides. I was so honored that anyone wanted to take a chance on me because I didn’t have any real work to prove that I could do the job. It was so much fun though! I remember being super nervous because I only had clothing from my kit and one designer friend. I had no experience pulling from PRs, so the magazine editor brought a few extra pieces from designers to get their ad credits. And we made magic! That will always be one of my favorite shoots.

The shoot that really popped off my career as a freelance stylist, that I am today, would be my i-D family portraits shoot. It was a 16-page documentary spread my friend Steven shot and I styled a bunch of people from our community with their loved ones. It was and still is an extremely beautiful and organic shoot.

Sorry, that was a lot. But, just like life, my journey with styling has not been linear in the slightest and there’s still so much more ahead. Essentially, I wouldn’t be here without my community.

I often think about my first styling gig—I love you, King Marie! The entire process was so exhilarating. I had no idea what I was getting myself into, I was just honored to have her trust, and I held onto it like it was the most sacred thing in my possession. Trust is a major part of the business; sometimes our taste, expertise, charisma, or even passion isn’t enough to woo a client. What’s your strategy for establishing trust in your professional and personal life? Which is easier to earn?

TM: I like to think that I’m a pretty solid person; that’s the foundation of all of this. Earning trust, whether personally or professionally, is a lot easier than keeping it in my experience. Keeping the trust and continuing to grow it is the hard part. I think people get lazy when it comes to maintenance—never get too comfortable!

Was your trust ever broken on a job?

TM: Many times! In the past, I would navigate it by feeling sad, down on myself, or even slighted. I learned that 9 times out of 10 my trust felt broken because there was a lack of communication in some regard. Information might’ve been unclear or withheld. But, I’ve tried and have been trying to remedy this by not being afraid to ask more questions or to even assert myself if need be. If I’m being honest, in the last four years as a full-time freelancer, I’ve become a much better communicator. There’s still work to be done, but oh, how far I’ve come.

I’m constantly reminded that I have to be my own knight in shiny armor. There’s power in that knowing, but it’s absolutely terrifying to experience in the moment. When did you learn to value your voice? And how did that experience change how you navigate your career?

TM: When I realized that closed mouths don’t get fed! I’m not sure that I can pinpoint an exact moment, but there were many moments where I felt like I had gotten the short end of the stick due to not speaking up and valuing my voice. I had to learn the only way I was going to get what I wanted was to ask. I had to learn how to be persistent and assertive while not coming across as rude or aggressive.

You have to not be afraid of being told “no”—I still have to remind myself that. The more you speak up about what you need, the more you’re met with resolve, help, and resources. Speaking up can have its consequences too but as long as you do everything with integrity and good intention it’s not a loss to you.

One of my favorite quotes is by Walter Russell, “Genius is self-bestowed, mediocrity is self-inflicted.” When we are no longer in a state of longing or fear we allow true curiosity and devotion to be our driving force to greatness. But, is that what we’re missing? What do you think is the cure to mediocrity?

TM: Being comfortable in your authenticity is the cure to mediocrity, saying that is a lot easier than embodying it 24/7 365. But, when you are comfortable, or should I say, when you feel safe enough to be yourself that’s when your curiosity comes out—your intuition is a lot louder. It can be hard to show up as your authentic self when there’s so much noise, outside influences, and people-pleasing. People are very judgmental!

What does being a stylist mean to you, what are you trying to accomplish?

TM: Being a stylist means freedom, to me. Style is a form of expression and through styling, I’m able to express myself sometimes with limits and sometimes without. The ability to have autonomy over what you or your client wears or doesn’t wear—every element is a choice and it’s a big privilege to not have any major political restrictions over the way we dress. So, I think we should express ourselves the way we want to while we can.

The main goal is to always make someone feel good. As a stylist, I try to be pretty intuitive about whether or not someone likes something, and feels comfortable or good in what I’m choosing for them. I hate for clothes to be wearing someone rather than someone wearing the clothing—you can always see it and I always try to avoid that.

Do you have an article of clothing or technique that has become your stylistic signature?

TM: Mmm I wouldn’t say a signature article of clothing, but in a lot of my popular shoots, and in my day-to-day, I use a lot of thermals and A-Frame tanks—wife beaters. I love uniforms and these items have been the base of many uniforms for centuries—globally. Very basic and universal but for the people that just get it, which are normally creatives that come from working-class backgrounds or vice-versa working-class people who are also creative.

As for technique, if I had to put it into one word, it would be to feel. It goes back to my intuition and making sure that I have a connection with the client or the talent. It’s important that I’m able to read the room and understand what is wanted if they’re not able to put that into words. You can feel when someone may not like something and they don’t know how to say it, the same way you can feel when you’re doing things right! So much of this work is about communication, self-awareness, intuition, and being able to feel.

Is clothing art? Or not until it’s on the body?

TM: Clothing is most definitely art! Sometimes, I see it more as art when off the body. I have the ability to see the beauty in clothing, whether it’s just hanging on a rack or lying flat on a surface. I think putting clothes on the body gives them another life, and depending on the designer, there can be so many hidden elements that would be unseen from a one-dimensional perspective.

Tell me about a time when you were just like, “damn, I love being a woman.”

TM: When I’m around the women in my family—there are a lot of them—or after finishing dinner with a good girlfriend and they’ve made me feel seen. Also, working with a production team or on set with a crew of mainly women, they always remind me why we are superior.

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“It was many and many a year ago,

   In a kingdom by the sea,

That a maiden there lived whom you may know

   By the name of Annabel Lee;

And this maiden she lived with no other thought

   Than to love and be loved by me.

I was a child and she was a child,

   In this kingdom by the sea,

But we loved with a love that was more than love—

   I and my Annabel Lee—

With a love that the wingèd seraphs of Heaven

   Coveted her and me.

And this was the reason that, long ago,

   In this kingdom by the sea,

A wind blew out of a cloud, chilling

   My beautiful Annabel Lee;

So that her highborn kinsmen came

   And bore her away from me,

To shut her up in a sepulchre

   In this kingdom by the sea.

The angels, not half so happy in Heaven,

   Went envying her and me—

Yes!—that was the reason (as all men know,

   In this kingdom by the sea)

That the wind came out of the cloud by night,

   Chilling and killing my Annabel Lee.

But our love it was stronger by far than the love

   Of those who were older than we—

   Of many far wiser than we—

And neither the angels in Heaven above

   Nor the demons down under the sea

Can ever dissever my soul from the soul

   Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;

For the moon never beams, without bringing me dreams

   Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;

And the stars never rise, but I feel the bright eyes

   Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;

And so, all the night-tide, I lie down by the side

   Of my darling—my darling—my life and my bride,

   In her sepulchre there by the sea—

   In her tomb by the sounding sea.”

Edgar Allan Poe, “Annabel Lee”

To apologize and to love are very similar, for they are not just words to be spoken but actions that reflect the heart of an individual. Not many have the strength and courage to operate in that truth, but that is the foundation of the New Jersey-based Model, NEON. Get to know Neon as she explains how love will help you survive the apocalypse.

First off—what are you wearing? Talk me through your process of dressing. Who’s playing in the background? Was it an accessory or the weather that inspired the look? What’s the perfume for completion?

NEON: You know, when I get up I’m always looking at the weather first! So yeah, I could say the weather inspires my look. It’s about comfort, beauty, and who I want to be for the day. What personality do I want to give off? That’s how I approach it. It’s really important to wear the clothes rather than the other way around.

So, I have on my Martine Ali x Converse—the leather ones with the heel! True Religion jeans, FAB! An Avant-Garde x Helmut Lang net under my boyfriend’s t-shirt and a Guizio ballerina cardigan. I’ve been wearing my boyfriend’s t-shirt non-stop, he lives far away so wearing his clothes makes me feel a lot closer to him. My hat, I love a good hat, it’s Luar. He actually gave it to me from his own head, haha. I love him so much, that’s my father! Perfume, Black Opium by YSL, one of my Top 5. And playing in the background, Rinsed by Dean Blunt feature TYSON, that’s an everyday anthem for me.

Do you ever reference a collection or an individual when putting a look together?

N: I won’t say much, because I rather gatekeep. Fuck it, they don’t need to know, haha. But, I love Maison Margiela and Number 9. I believe clothes are meant to be worn regardless of the value it holds.

I’ve always known you for your modeling career. But, you do a little bit of everything, how do you ensure much of yourself is left for you? What do you do to keep your cup full?

N: As a Gemini, I love being able to do so much and know so much. I love being a student of this world. Creative directing, styling, shooting cool campaigns, and editorials are all fun. But, it’s important that I keep people around me who are down for an adventure—nature keeps me calm. It helps me think. When I really have the time, I’m on the phone with my lover, Brandon. They don’t lie when they say you have another half of you somewhere in the world!

Do you have any rituals you perform to initiate your creative process or before going on set?

N: No, I don’t. It’s really about being confident. My confidence was instilled when I had to believe in myself the most because no one else would. So now, I know how I want to show up. It’s a lifestyle, not a moment. Having good skin, staying healthy, being aware of bad habits, knowing how to say no, and just doing what makes you feel best. When you’re confident within yourself and what you love, there’s a power that you feel—it shows every place you go.

Let’s talk about your brand Gata. It’s yet to debut, but you’ve been posting little teasers. “Designs for humans that’ll survive the apocalypse”. What’s your definition of an apocalypse? What are you preparing for?

N: My definition of an apocalypse is what we are living in today. The world is slowly ending. Human emotions are being turned off. Humans are selfish: killers, rapists, racists, carnivores. I’m preparing for what’s to come next. For the ones who fought and survived; they’ll all be wearing Gata. Gata will bring people together.

These specific humans that you speak of, what qualities do they have that would aid their survival? What do they look like and what do they believe in?

N: When I think about Gata I think about being raised in the hood. I grew up with kids that I related to because we were all coming from poverty: first-generation, immigrant families, EBT, Section 8, and abusive households. It was all the same for a lot of us. We all fought every single day to survive. We were loved but the love was tough. The kids back then were true fighters. Warriors! Every day they fought for what they felt was right even if it was wrong. Kids would come to school with fucked up clothing because their parents couldn’t afford to buy them something new. And yet, they still came to school. Thinking back, I admire that! The strength to show face and wear fucked up shoes or clothing. All of that is Gata. I stand tall, but my clothes make me taller! Every single distress and every torn piece are for the days I had to go to school with fucked up shoes.

The Gata human is ready for anything to come. They are passionate about a better world. They have emotions, they have love, they fight for humans who can’t fight for themselves, they are loyal, they are strong! They believe in fighting for all rights!

As much as you try to hide it, you’re such a lover girl! What you’re explaining reminds me of something Bell Hooks said, “All too often women believe it is a sign of commitment, an expression of love, to endure unkindness or cruelty, to forgive and forget. In actuality, when we love rightly we know that the healthy, loving response to cruelty and abuse is putting ourselves out of harm’s way.” If this is true, why are people with a foundation of self-love perceived to be more dangerous than those with no moral compass? Are we hypocrites when it comes to violence?

N: Having a foundation of self-love is really never taking anyone’s shit. We are always speaking our truth no matter how controversial it may be. We are dangerous because we are unstoppable. We are dangerous because we are women. We have power men don’t have. Some women have a power that some women don’t. My brand symbolizes struggles and battles, it’s a way for me to express what I’ve been through and how the whole world lives through poverty. I’m taking what is mine, what created my strength to fight, be loyal, and be able to survive anything and anyone. What I went through will never define me nor change my character!

This season everyone is talking about “creating for the independent mind”, why do you think designers now seek to connect with that consumer?

N: They care about authenticity because they know that trends are not the vibes. People are snooping around to see what we are doing next, to then use that and make it seem like it was authentic, but really they just bite off independent designers. I can name-drop, I mean do you want me to? A lot of things are dragged out and I’m extremely bored of people. People are followers. They are trying to bring back what’s already been left. No one is on that timing anymore. Acknowledge that we are here and we are loud; we all know we’re being watched! I was reading a Raul Lopez interview for Interview Magazine by Taylore, he was talking about how being a granny is not about your age but being a trendsetter. He’s absolutely right. I can say I am a granny!

Tell me about a time when you were just like, “damn, I love being a woman.”

N: I love being a cunt—giving off “you can’t talk to me”. But, in reality, I’m the sweetest. I have so much love in my heart. Deep down, I’m nonbinary. I think like a guy and feel like a guy, and sometimes, I think like a woman and feel like a woman. I grew up very tomboy vibes; always skating with the boys. I used to dress like them too, my mom hated it. I would sneak into my brother's room and find the biggest shirt and the biggest pants to wear. I gained my feminine energy when I started going into the city. Going out at night definitely made me want to dress up a bit more girly because I knew if I dressed like a boy with my fake ID I was not about to get inside that club! So I dress to impress. I love being a woman! Shout-out to all the women in my life. Especially my big sis Kristy, she’s inspired me in so many ways and has loved every version of me!

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إِنَّ مَعَ ٱلۡعُسۡرِ يُسۡرٗا

Al-Inshirãh

“Verily, with every difficulty there is relief.”

Daydreamers tend to have a bad reputation because our society equates value to productivity. But, it is in those moments of stillness we allow our minds to explore our imagination and lead us to creative expressions. Some might call creativity a distraction, when in fact it’s liberation. It’s the very thing that changed the fate of the Los Angeles-based Stylist, Sakinah Bashir. Get to know Sakinah as she shares how her first love was the stepping stone to a greater vision.

What’s so special about this journey is that we all have a different story. Not just a story about how we got here, but also a story we continue to write revealing what keeps us here. We’ve had several conversations over the last year or two about the satisfactions and struggles of being a stylist. What is your vision of yourself and the future of fashion that keeps you in this industry?

Sakinah Bashir: The vision that I have of myself is mainly my background and how through all the adversities of my upbringing, I prevailed and followed a dream—a dream that most people around me didn’t understand. I grew up in a Muslim household, which I cherished dearly. We prayed five times a day and fasted during Ramadan—we did all the things. But, it was such a juxtaposition for me growing up because, in the midst of this, we lived in the projects. There was so much turmoil going on around me. Everyone thought we were weird. My family was navigating my brother’s schizophrenia, when you add that in with the dysfunction, argumentative environment, constant moving, family incarceration, and simply the woes of growing up in poverty—it was a lot. As a child, there was just something inside of me that knew I had to make it out. That’s when fashion and music became my outlet. Honestly, I feel like it saved me many times from succumbing to those environments. It was the only thing that brought me joy—the only light in the dark. 

Every Friday, my family and I would attend Jummah at the Masjid. Everyone would be dressed so well. The women at my Masjid would wear beautiful hijabs, with these amazing fabrics, deep colors, and elaborate pins to hold them in place. But, I believe the suppression of what I was allowed to wear piqued my interest in clothing. My mother didn’t have magazines in the house so I was introduced to fashion via the television and movies. I remember watching music videos on the television, thinking, “How are they getting these clothes?” and “What makes them wear these specific garments?” I was so intrigued by clothing and how people styled it. I once forced my cousin to have a “fashion show” with me. I styled the looks and my family was the audience, haha. I started buying fashion and hip-hop magazines when I was in high school. Seeing what musicians like Aaliyah, Ashanti, or Beyoncé were wearing made me fall more in love with clothing. But, music, that’s something I was born with.

Fashion today is most definitely not the same as it was back then, or even when I first entered in 2016. Having to navigate the ever-changing world of this industry can be vexing, however, something in me still loves it enough to see it through and evolve with it. I feel as though there aren’t enough Black women in the fashion stylist space. Most times what keeps me motivated is the thought of being someone that the younger generation can look up to.

I remember when we first met almost like it was yesterday. It was a chilly LA evening, we were having wine outside of ilcaffè, and you were sharing your passion for music—you were in a girl group! I’ve rebranded so many times, at this point I call myself a Storyteller because despite the artistry my philosophy and intentions remain the same. Fundamentally, is your approach to styling based on personal philosophies that govern all you do, or are you inspired by a different set of rules with every craft?

SB: Ah, yes! I remember that night as well. We had such great conversations. I’d definitely like to think that I have an unspoken personal philosophy—be intentional! I’m always making sure that the work aligns with me morally and creatively.

Does your musical background influence the type of work you do? What makes you say “yes” to a job?

SB: I was in a girl group! I’m finally at a point to tell that portion of my journey, haha. When I was in high school, I worked at a vintage store with a friend. We would sing together and our other coworker would tag along. The store owners wanted to cultivate a community within the neighborhood, so we started hosting music showcases. During that time I had extreme stage fright; those first few performances were horrid! One night Janelle Monae, who already had a relationship with the store owners, came to watch and ended up wanting to sign us. I didn’t think being a singer was my path. I wanted to be unseen, so I made the decision to stick with my plan of moving to New York for fashion. However, music is my first love and always will be, it invoked my curiosity in fashion. Now, with my career, it’s always nice to work with musicians as it gives me the best of both worlds—both of my loves.

I like to ask myself two questions: “Will this be beneficial for me and my career?” and “How will this benefit the world once it leaves me?” At the very least, the artist(s) have some sort of substance that makes me proud to be working with them. I can’t and often won’t take a job if it’s meaningless. Once you start taking a job just for money the intention is lost and the true work gets murky.

Over the last few seasons, I’ve been more inspired by the styling of the collections rather than the actual garments—which has me thinking a lot about the impact of a stylist. I used to view designers as these powerful figures who determined how we dress, what was presented on the runway was their vision. But, now there seems to be more of a dependency on the stylist to build the characters and curate the vibe. What do you think that says about the current state of the industry and how people are now shopping?

SB: Stylists have always been a designer’s “right hand”. But, now there is more of a dependency on the stylist to create or bring life to the designs. As a stylist, we should only be enhancing the world the designer has created. However, there wasn’t always a spotlight and/or knowledge of what the role consisted of. This makes me think of Alexander McQueen and Isabella Blow’s relationship, or even the world Rick Owens created—current designers should world build first!

To me, as a society, we have become more visually compelled. Most people need to see items styled out to understand the garment more. If you want to go deeper, a good example of this is the popular “aesthetic” craze from TikTok. With that craze, you see how people want an outline to style, they’re lacking the creativity to think for themselves and their personal style.

With one word how would you describe this SS25 season?

SB: Invigorating!

This season felt strong and full of new energy. It wasn’t perfect but gave me hope that we have the right people in place who will continue to question and push the boundaries in fashion—what we desperately need. Maximilian Davis, Glenn Martens, J.W. Anderson, and Raul Lopez to name a few. It’s sort of self-explanatory, but Ferragamo quite literally made one of the best decisions by choosing Maximilian as their creative director. The designs and concepts are groundbreaking—for them. He’s doing exactly what he was brought in to do. And Raul of LUAR is just so amazing to me. I get emotional at his shows because I know I’m living through history. No one is doing it like him!

What do you think the industry is doing wrong? What is it doing right?

SB: What the industry is doing right is being open to change. It may not be as quickly according to some, however, if you’re paying attention you can see that it’s doing its best to adapt—it takes time.

People are probably going to kill me for this but I think it’s wrong to depend on content creators and influencers—it’s so fleeting and disingenuous. Call me old school but I want to see fashion journalists, editors, buyers, and stylists prioritized again. It’s our actual job and it’s what we are passionate about. Content creators and influencers don’t care about garment construction or styling. They'll influence anything as long as the check clears and the engagement is good. It breeds this culture of only caring to show social media that they were “there” and I hate it so much, haha. No one cares about quality anymore. Let’s get back to the real!

What is a misconception that you aim to disprove?

SB: A stylist’s job is unimportant.

Tell me about a time when you were just like, “damn, I love being a woman.”

SB: Oh wow, a time where I thought “damn, I love being a woman”? These questions are so good, Ciana! You have me truly racking my brain, haha. Honestly, every day! I love womanhood, being soft, and demanding. Every day there’s something new that I’m discovering about myself. That in itself is beautiful to me. It’s also enhanced when getting ready for a date. I love putting on a great outfit and makeup, spraying my favorite perfume, and being a “passenger princess”—the best feeling.

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What makes dressing so exhilarating is the intimate moment you share with your wardrobe in curating a look that is satisfying to your mood, body, and overall self-image. Individuality isn’t something a designer is to proclaim, it’s what a designer supports. But, this season was a reminder that designers are no longer loyal to the identity of the woman they once created for. Money is in the masses. How can we appeal to them all? We saw this blatantly revealed as Miuccia Prada and Raf Simons scrambled to find the future of Prada. One might even consider this season of chaos a mere exercise to discover what’s next for the brand—for they explored the possibilities of the Prada girl 49 times. This attempt to speak on individuality prevented the duo from designing a collection that elaborated the significance of their garments to an individual’s expression. I’m unsure if Mrs. Prada is now unamused by her positioning in the zeitgeist, for the algorithm she’s challenging is one that keeps her designs front and center. The girl she was designing for wasn’t setting the trends, but her perception of what that girl needed. This season lacked genuine curiosity of what’s needed from a brand immersed in an algorithm that lacks individuality. The answer isn’t excessive styling, nor absurdly conceptualized collections, but: intention, imagination, innovation, precision, and craftmanship seeping through the threads of every garment. An intuitive decisiveness should be triggered—where a person identifies that they are where that article of clothing belongs.

Now, Prada isn’t completely doomed. The potential of the duo’s dynamism relies on their ability to merge the opposing timelines they occupy. Their play on duality, this season, was far more intriguing than their quest for individuality: women similar in nature but different in degree can coexist—the 2D versus the 3D. But, then again a concept is only as good as the product. Will they continue to sacrifice their designs for the sake of storytelling? Or will they find value in their impact?

The need for character-building via styling rather than design continued from brand to brand throughout the month. Clothing was layered, smothered, distorted, enveloped, and protruded from what tried to keep its existence hidden. Similarly to how we learn to conceal the parts of us we’re unsatisfied with, we adopt a false self. Stylists have become creative crutches and storytelling is simply an intellectual distraction to disguise the lack of design. Even in this deficiency, the absence of our self-exploration continues to be exploited because we operate as blank canvases ready to purchase prepackaged identities.

We are headed towards a very sterile reality now that identity is more marketable than fantasy. To be clear, I am now speaking of an identity that lacks soul, it has lost the very essence of you. These are mere concepts—unnatural ways of being. When I started buying I was told: fashion is about being amongst people. The human connection that derives from the beauty of admiration. It is in those moments our carnal sensations arise and remind us we’re alive. There was a photo floating around of Salvatore Ferragamo fitting shoes onto the dancer-choreographer, Katherine Dunham, which was said to inspire Maximilian Davis’ SS25 Ferragamo collection. Ferragamo’s history with ballet wasn’t just a distant fascination—he was surrounded by dancers. Oh, the power of a muse. Their synergy created revolutionary designs. I’ve enjoyed Davis at Ferragamo because he continues to maintain a level of creative integrity. He’s established this harmonious relationship between fluidity and volume, so much space is taken while so much is revealed—it’s truly divine. But, I’ve noticed designers try to reverence moments in history yet struggle to capture the feeling. When creating from this third-person perspective you lose a level of connectivity. Davis’ ballerina felt more like a gimmick than an interest. No new moments are being created nor individuals fancied and cared for. You can bury your head in history all you want, but it’s life experiences that convert knowledge into wisdom. We’ve been discussing the identity of consumers, but what about the designers? How is their individuality molding their creations?

Ellen Hodakova Larsson is one to tell.

There are not many like Larsson, who are grounded in the physicality of their present moment. Fashion can be very detached, fleeting, and illusionary—satisfying our codependent relationship with escapism. But, at Hodakova, Larsson reveals avoiding the here and now isn’t the solution. Fulfillment can be achieved by shifting how we perceive what’s in front of us. Larrson’s ability to reimagine and upcycle materials challenges the fundamental practices and standards the fashion industry enforces surrounding dressing. I nearly lost my mind, watching the SS25 collection, when Look 6 appeared. A long-sleeved blue collared shirt sat underneath a blue and grey argyle sweater vest. The sweater’s grey sleeves were misplaced and draped over the shoulders of the model, as the two tops were tucked into a black snugged knee-length skirt made out of boots. The vamp of the boots gave the skirt a flare, marking its distinctive structure. Chaos can surely be excellent! This is not a stylistic approach or an overly conceptualized story but true craftsmanship. If you’re going to talk about an individualistic proposition, it’s happening at Hodakova!

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Lately, I’ve felt like a broken record, constantly breaking down the same themes. But, the story continues to unravel. The more I sit with these revelations and examine both sides of the coin…I’m hoping you’re able to read through the lines and carefully choose what’s best for you💋

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A brown bandeau sat on her chest, as a white flared miniskirt pulsed and swayed to the rhythm of her metallic heeled sandals.

Her?

Why yes, Pieter Mulier’s New York girl…

An interpretation that felt quite simple, but yet, perfectly accurate to the sentiments of the American woman. The helix symbolism illustrates the DNA of American fashion. Many argue and question the longevity of NYFW, and I think Mulier presented the most flawless answer: to know American fashion you have to know the market, you must know the girl…and unfortunately, those who can’t seem to grasp the game of the business ignore the girl. The girl who is poised, flirty, and has a slight prance to her step. Her style is minimalistic, practical, sensual, and digestible. There’s a side to her that’s daring, but the edge is more of a sweet blueberry, than a tart cherry.

Mulier even dabbled into the more complex sides of the American women; where her hips were not hugged, chains draped from shoulders, dresses sculptured and shared a peak, while coats coiled, puffed, and guarded like armor. As simplistic as the show began, it was more of an unfolding of all that should be.

But then again…

Some are beginning to wonder, who is it that these designers love? The clothes or the girl? What made the designers of the past so memorable was the intensity of love they had for the women they created for. That level of love radiated from their work. As beautiful as their clothing hung from bodies, it was not the clothing that made it a work of art, but the woman. Fashion is no longer a gift, a service to the wearer, but more of an art project fueled by self-gratification. Thierry Mugler once said, “The whole thing is about giving the woman who wears your clothes some power, some fun, some service. It’s great to make it as art. But first, it’s a service to someone”. With great love, there’s great understanding, and I strongly believe that’s what’s missing today.

To not know her body, the parts of her she loves and hates, what she needs and those that she seeks, the ways she speaks, how her mind puzzles, her mood and interest forever shift, the space she gracefully occupies, the places her presence blesses, her world…How could you ever create anything for her? Fashion is this mystical industry that operates in the future and supports the stories yet to be told. Sometimes we’re lucky to meet a version of a woman way ahead of her time. But, despite the present or future, fundamentally, she’s still the same woman. You’d have to know her to know that. As they say, growth is not linear but one of an ascending spiral.

Although Mulier has a more gentle approach to love, it is one formed from observation, research, and great intention. A type of lover we’d all be so grateful for! Alaïa’s presence in New York was certainly a treat, will fashion month continue to be oh-so generous?

“I never followed fashion. It’s women who have dictated my conduct.” Azzedine Alaïa

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RTW AW24 placed us in a time machine, pulling us back into different periods of history that presented versions of women we are so far removed from. When I proposed my questions in Does America have a problem? , I didn’t know I was actually proclaiming an awful foreshadow. Who are these women? How is it possible that the women of today, the women actively involved in the life that unfolds here and now, are so neglected by an industry they fantasize about?

I’ve spent the last few weeks pondering on the concept of representation. We’ve seen and heard this word thrown around everywhere. We want to see us, we want to see them, and we want to feel a sense of inclusion. But, what is representation without meaning, truth, and competency? Representation can’t be—and honestly isn’t—impactful if all it offers is visual gratification. Representation is supposed to stand for something, it’s supposed to be doing something other than just taking up space. But, unfortunately, this word masks the illusions and deceptions that appease the eye, or ‘I’, which explains why these narratives of representation so often have a singular benefit.

We are told that reverting to the past provides understanding; as if we don’t understand the place in which we’ve just evolved from. As much of a luxury clothing can be, it is a necessity. So it’s fair to ask, what type of clothing is needed at this time? Throughout history, we’ve seen the need and purpose of clothing evolve as society pivots. What is this state of prolonged nostalgia saying about our humanity? Is it as innocent as a pitstop, have we run out of gas, or are we unaware that it is us moving in reverse? Maybe we are no longer collectively moving in unison, we are all driving at different speeds going in different directions. Long are the days when the existence of another triggered profound feelings of inspiration. I guess that’s what happens when the representation can no longer be trusted.

Excuse all of my road references, I am craving a nice night ride through the city, the wind kissing my face, my hair dancing in twirls, my ears serenaded just one last time before summer ends.

What I see very clearly is a road freshly built. I’m talking: just concrete and gravel. No lights, no signs, just a wide-open four-way intersection. Everyone is driving by, doing their thing: speeding, colliding, trying to figure out who goes next, who they should follow, or if they should go right or left. But, no one, observes and identifies this as a problem. No one stops and says, it looks like we might need _____, let’s make it happen. We’ve become complacent in thinking there’s a lack of or possibility of another solution. That’s the difference between today and the past we reference so often. The past provided solutions, and today we only know trends, so we continue to look at the past in hopes it will solve our problems. But, we aren’t comprehending that the variables of the past do not equate to the answers of today, we have new variables and new equations.

Now, I’d be foolish to not acknowledge there are drivers with clear roads ahead of them, those who know exactly where they’re going, who they’re going with, and the moments they’re creating for. I’m not necessarily looking for a representation of what I envision for myself, women, or the future. Trust that will come from me. However, I am intrigued by the solutions others come up with. That’s what I’m interested in this SS25 season…The Visionaries. Who’s going to take me for a ride?

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