Now at this red light, I thought to myself, “I am going to write a substack article about this.” I look back and wonder what was going through my head at that stop light.

It could be a million things, but the first one I think it might be is how precious this time is. How at this red light I had a moment of clarity, about how I spend my life. Spending time seems so easy, so effortless, until you spent all your time doing nothing meaningful. I went into work on my day off, yes it only for an hour and half, but that is my time. It was not bad, but it was my day off and I chose to go in, no extra reward.

So after that, I returned an audiobook at the public library and rented two more.

It can all be meaningful of you make it.

xx, tell me what it is

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Can i just rant about that for a second,, Ugh just to feel the keys clinking is so nice! I like type, where as before I relied so heavily on my notebook, oh my notebook!

What a sad realization. This is a very current experience mind you. But something has switched.

So imagine this— Living abroad just a mere 4 months ago.

Now i am back in NASHVILLEEEE, which has been just so good but also such a throwback. I haven’t lived here since high school, so the nostalgia is real.

Driving down the familiar yet forgotten roads of my surrounding hometown. The random flashbacks of high school friends and awkward dates from driving past a Brentwood neighborhood.

And the houses are just insane here, which is fun to look at.

the wealth is real, and boy did I get familiar with it.

SO! let me tell you about the past 4 months since I have returned from Ireland.

First of all, I love everything and everyone

Shout out traveling fr and working at the Edwin and growing up around home renos and every art form possible. I have always been creative, and have always been traveling. Being in a beautiful environment is key to living an enjoyable life, in my opinion. Now finding beauty in spaces comes very natural to me, then i delved into creating the beauty myself.

Ever since I can remember I was decorating; myself, my house, a piece of paper, whatever! This isn’t some biography… but it could be.. jk, not today.

So yes, after a lifetime of noticing beautiful details and constantly making DIYs, I am interested in damn near everything. I thought i wanted to make jewelry, which i love. I thought i wanted to be a magazine editor, which I am and am still obsessed with. Fashion, graphic design, painting, photography, styling, TRAVEL, HOTELS, being a farmer!!??!? like everything under the sun, COOKING. food, all of these are paths. and I took every single one and so many more.

All of this to get to where I am today,

Imagine the devil wears Prada.

Now think of Ann Hathaway, that is how i feel rn not even joking, except it is for peoples homes, not vogue…”

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So, at this point, a few more months have passed. Yes, i feel the same way i did all those months ago typing on these same keys.

That job I was describing above? Yeah, I left that!
Bc the devil can only wear so much bullshit until it all comes back around.

Thankfully I can realize my worth and my time are not worth HIS!!!

xx

23 was the best year of my life. Every years is the best year, but my 23rd was top tier. This year is off to such as good start already and it hasn’t even begun. Tonight at midnight I will turn 24, an even year for an even girl. What will this year bring? Only the universe may know. I trust her with all her power. I love her and I accept this next chapter.

24 is more.

More experiences,

More music,

More learning,

More traveling,

More health,

More listening.

1111

I see you Mother Earth.

Take this year of more for you, too.

xx

Call me Emily bc my Miranda is no joke…

Being fashion obsessed, a thrift-o-holic if you will, I love a good hunt through the racks. My journey in Ireland doing interior design for the first time in Poulaphouca, a region where a victorian home stood, turned luxury boutique hotel/ wedding venue, was my first project. This experience really inspired me, and I wanted to explore it more. My love for travel meeting design is a huge passion for me.

As a fashion photographer I love to create a world where the model is transformed, and the viewer is immersed in a space they can feel.

This too translates to creating a room through interior design.

So when I moved back to Nashville, I found someone who needed an assistant and then before I knew it I was taking calls, emailing 16 people at once, rummaging through inventory & client packets, whatever else… & I can dress so cute and businessy the perfect match.

Dealing with fabric rolls and every type of interior textile samples is inspiring. I love looking at them and touching them, combining them to create a beautiful vision of a full room is so easy with a huge library of supplies.

The other night when I got home and took my bedazzled rodeo belt off, I looked at my lamp and got an idea.

This belt is so beautiful I wanted to display it. It just so happened that this lamp was the perfect dimension for it to fit around it.

Now this is not the final form, but there are elements that work with this rodeo belt lamp; like the twine and linen lamp shade. It gives a country feel that matches the energy of the belt. This matching of elements in order to create the correct energy is something I am familiar with. With choosing fonts for example, or curating a specific image library to mesh with other aspects of the website, are all things that require the same intuition.

This experiment with the lamp gave me the idea that combining fashion with interior design is something I could work with.

It just makes sense.

I have found a few articles I will link about how fashion influences interiors and how they inspire each other.

Connections between the two

I love the idea of this

NY Fashion week inspo

I think there is absolutely a space here to explore, and more so integrating fashion pieces into interiors, like the belt idea, I would love to see more of/ do.

Do something creative today! You will feel like a fairy.🧚

xx

We cannot drive, more than half the businesses are closed, street lights are not working, noo one on the roads…

This being said, the trees still standing are absolutely stunning. Covered in ice, the suns reflection creates millions of sparkles in the sky. As a southern girl, I can only remember seeing this really one other time, in Colorado when I was 15.

This storm has graced me with free time, and my many hobbies are thrilled. This is some of my process of making an acrylic painting, and a very provoking question to follow. NEED YOUR ANSWER! Just scroll to the bottom if you don’t want to read →

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Field day for the Canon

A tourist in my own neighborhood

The ice blue backdrop to the transparent, glass-like limbs are so glossy you just want to bite it, it is hard to capture it on camera. You can see the tops of trees falling over on themselves, especially the pine trees, they are all so heavy, limbs everywhere, shattered needles all over the crunchy ground.

The pond is frozen leaving the geese and ducks with ice water beneath their feet, I think they like it.

My painting inspiration

AKA go crazy on Pinterest

What stood out to me in all the winter landscapes was the lighting. I love a colorful light source in photography, and love shooting with a light stick, soo much fun. I have been noticing it in paintings more so as well.

I had this pic in my recents from my childhood bedroom window, the one on the bottom right. That huge sycamore tree has seen it all: endless kids climbing atop the branches up the trunk, basketball and pool days, yoga, puppies, whatever you get it.

And that creek! so magical.

I saved these pics, found a canvas and knew I would use a bright hue in this piece…

The day I picked up the brush

So I began to paint!

I started with a canvas that was very vibrant, with layers of neon paint, glitter glue and chalk marker, from a previous piece made about 5 years ago. I covered that. Like girl, what is this. It was for a friend’s birthday at the time, idk. I’m glad I found the proof:

I used dark blue and yellow to cover it, but wanted the snowy look, and OK yes I am not a painter, but it’s fun + I am not an idiot??! I obviously did a white wash over it, duhh. But I definitely did it wrong, I just used water to sort of thin out the white and made a little milky solution that just went over it all.

Here is that result and a rough outline of those trees:

It went many different places after this; The tree on the left was red, and the big one was light pink and yellow, I didn’t like it. I tried to cover the red tree up, and I found the transparency and blur to be much more appealing, considering my inspo.

I covered the other one, and although I love a good neoclassical, I am not that skilled ATP. I wanted a pop of color, and an oil painted look - with acrylics - while working with limited materials (I am out of white🙃) & couldn’t even get more if I wanted!

The texture of the underpainting is really shining through with this white-wash, and I am going with it. This is just an experiment at this point, and this aspect just adds more.. interest.

It is super meditative as well. Listening to my audio book, putting paint down, just creating a tangible image never gets old.

My painting

Which now that I see it like this, not half bad!!

It is a little dodgy, yes. Everything is super intentional, but it came out not too bad. But it doesn’t have to be done. I think the original layer pays homage to the now more sophisticated neon elements. It is impressionistic to what I saw the past couple days.

I think there are some techniques I am not aware of, but I liked painting it, and that is all that matters. It felt good to just paint freely without fear of mistake. Because I’ll just cover it up! Who cares?!

my question to you is:

Even though this painting is not complete, or maybe it is since I put the easel away, it makes it even more of a limited edition, rare collectors item, that it is.

I am content in this snow-pocolypse, but cant help but think, when will our lives return to the previous state?

xx

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Your fur coat draping off your shoulder blades, heels are turning into ankle breakers, the hallway feels like a runway. Mascara flakes on your cheeks like tortured freckles start to fade into blood shot eyes ready to crash. 12 past 2AM, you start to feel the burn from the drunken cigarette on your lips. You only have a sweatshirt from the backseat of his car to slip into, feeling this familiar ritual of going to sleep with your makeup on might just pay off in the morning.

“So, this is the sweet life” you think to yourself, and the answer is duh.

Your clutch is stained with a hint of cranberry juice, an open lipliner streaks the silk interior.. An homage to Monet, if you will.

This moment is scared, one that only a girl with a longing of sunrises over a cityscape, hot coffee and vintage designer can understand. The romanic idea of a messy night, cleaned up by intuition and day old text messages, no time to fret, just time to live.

The moon is setting as you hit the pillow, shining a dramatic orange and hanging particularly low. The moon and sun acting as the only clock you need.

Once again, you reach across the bed for your iPhone 12, which seems to feel like reaching across an ocean— wide with waves and sheets of sea foam, ahold of the anchor, you fall in.

Art is a reflection of life, they say. That everything you see in nature is reflected by human expression. I think we all are aware of this push and pull. Even in the hallway of patterned floor and fluorescent lights, the trail you took everyday though the woods feels the same. Towering skyscrapers you can barely see the top of, like the redwood forest you scream into it sings back! The sheets of white like snow or sea foam on your toes, never forget the sound of the ocean in the hotel phone.

Learn in analog so the actions in your life can reflect what you feel, authentic and true to you… true to our Earth, our home.

This rare night is as special as one spent in the Louvre, cherish it, I love you endlessly as time slips away.

xx

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We take everything to the extreme and do we even realize it??? Living here is a luxury, if you can afford it. If not then good luck!!! I hope this reaches one person from outside the US and one person who has never left the US.

Spending a couple months abroad, or even a couple days, anyone will note the differences between here and Europe or vis versa. Now Asia and the other 5 continents I can’t speak on, but will be able to one day. But for now, I can realize we need to take action, for our own health, and the health of our planet.

There is a whole list of things I can think of off the top of my head where European countries take conversing energy and waste seriously, such as:

1. Organizing the trash— okay this sounds simple but Italy specifically and I’m sure other surrounding countries, take this to the next level. Literally 5 different mini trash cans, and they are serious about this, and we can barely use 2 trashcans. Just having one for TRASH then one for EVERYTHING ELSE recyclable, can we at least do that? It’s just considerate and intentional over there, almost as if we don’t care about anything here.

   

   Learn more ways to help the planet!!!!!

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January- Gatlinburg, Tennessee

I went snowboarding!!! It was so much fun, actually it was not that fun. It was straight ice, it was insanely cold, and I fell so much, I was so sore the next 3 days. And it was like a tourist attraction, so there was people in jeans and sweatshirts just sending it down the mountain not knowing wtf they are doing. It was entertaining to say the least! The rest of the trip was also so fun, I went with my bf and his family and we ate a lot of yummy food and played games and went shopping, they do escape rooms which I actually get really into so that’s a new thing. The views are so pretty always, and our bnb had an indoor pool and basketball court??? And a hot tub outside it was great!

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But this trip also was the first week of the new year, and I saved a Snapchat that I just found, and it just speaks to what I wanted, and knew I would get. TW JUMPSCARE»

February- Beech Mountain, North Carolina

This is when I actually learned to snowboard! I did not give up, nor get discouraged by the less than ideal experience in Gatlinburg, rather I got butt and knee pads and moved right along on my way to fun. Doing a new sport is just more fun when you aren’t bruising your ass every 2 minutes.

So we arrived at 8 am after driving all morning, I was sleep deprived and I was overstimulated. If you have ever done a winter sport, especially being new, there is so much gear so many layers, the added butt pads, it is a loooot. But Franklin happily helped me and we got on the lift. I was nervous but excited. Also it was freezing cold and completely covered in thick fog. You could a few feet up and then nothing. It was honestly so cool like a sifi film.

It took me a couple runs but then I got it, and it was beautiful. It is just like a rip-stick, which I grew up on, and once I realized that, it was amazing! The sun came out, we left happy and healthy, and went back the next day. It was perfect outside, actually warm, I had no thick jackets on just light layers, and I don’t think I fell once. Maybe once but definitely not every time. It was stunning. Nothing beats a white claw and a j, speaker blasting, on the ski lift, so good.

March- San Juan, Puerto Rico

This was my birthday week. 23!!!! I have the best friends and we made it happen <333 I had the best time ever, we went to the beach of course, lots of different ones and coffee shops and we went out dancing, and went to the rainforest.

Going to the rainforest was, can I just say, one of my peaks for the whole year?!!!?!? It was absolutely hysterical. Something about all us of going out, Jo with damn PLATFORM TEVAS on, Zaria freezing cold and nervous, Hannah and I just on one, rock climbing through this huge river. Mud up to our noses deep, it was all straight from a comedy movie, our movie.

Puerto Rico just hit, the music is sooo good the energy from the jump was great. This was right after Bad Bunny released his album too and omg, everyday just blasting that at the beach dancing, drinking rum, locals joining, just perfect. It was also spring break which was an added layer of excitement. I swear the beach is my happy place. And this album is just so good.

This is downtown San Juan, it is like bourbon street.

We danced all night and drank bottles of wine on the beach the night of my bday, after such a nice dinner at the most gorgeous hotel. Such a good start to the year.

April- Destin, Florida & I went hang gliding in Chattanooga

Destin was also such a good trip omg!!!! I went with Franky and we have so much fun together. I always wanted to go to the Florida springs, so we woke up super early one day and drove an hour and a half away and went swimming and snorkeling in this free spring. It was sooo pretty. There was divers, and a big ole snake that someone found right when I was in the middle eek!

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The beach was perfect, we went to this bar damn near everyday right by our hotel and always got the best seats. We even went jet skiing!!! I had never done that either and going through all the little inlets away from the main ocean was so peaceful. We went to crab island!!!! That is iconic if you know you know, we got nachos and some shrimp ceviche and ate it on the jet ski. Water SO clear, and! We only tipped it once.. mhm, we are skilled. But we found this swing in the water, it was gorg. That night we went to a nice restaurant this family told us about and got $7 martinis, steal! I love Florida hehe.

So yes we also went hang gliding!!! Basically you strap into this bar that you hang off of in this cocoon like thing. You get DRAGGED up by a tiny airplane with no doors, and when you get high enough which for us was around 3k ft, you release the wire that holds you onto the plane. Now this was a very chill experience I would recommend to anyone. I have gone sky diving and absolutely loved it as well. I think both are worth it and I will do them again. I want too ski dive over the Florida Keys, or another set of islands.

May- South Dakota to Wyoming

Such a random trip, but superbly planned, thank you Mama!! It was a family vacay and included some bickering and laughs, all in good spirit. South Dakota is actually very beautiful, we did a road trip from the very east side, to the very west side, past the border into Wyoming, to see Devils Tower.

South Dakota is almost a perfect rectangle, but Wyoming is actually a perfect rectangle, so odd. But I do love the west. The landscape is just so completely opposite from where I grew up in Middle Tennessee, and driving through a state you really see it change too. It is huge herding state, we went through a buffalo conservatory and saw 1000000 buffalo. It was a lot. This is where we started, Sioux Falls, the capital. I really liked this city.

Then we went driving, a lot of driving. This is a flat state, with huge skies, some hills, and the Wild West. Besides like insane rock formations and mountains, so actually more half-flat.

We saw Mount Rushmore. Yup.

Did a lot of hiking, this was around Needles highway, which are just insane rock formations that resemble, well, needles duh! Super skinny straight up rocks. Then we got to the Badlands. Which is also insane.

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So bizarre, this world. But these are the badlands obvi, not ideal for life forms, but lots of fossils here. I really liked digging for fossils around these buttes, it is so satisfying the mud just crumbles off, and there is like 100s of miles of this. Literally where Vecna lives bye.

Here is Devils Tower through binoculars. But we hiked around it, and stayed right next to it in this field, and that night, by mom and I both woke up around 2am, went outside, and got a full frontal of the galaxy. It was incredible.

June- home❤️

Yeah that’s right, I chill too.

I chill at the club, the creek, the game, at work, at home with my family. Just anywhere I go, I am there! Whoever I am with, we thrive. This is the perfect center of my year, the heat of the summer is on, the first half is coming to a close, and the second half opening wide up. June is always a month of reflection and appreciation for me, when I say every June, “its half way through the year already, wowoowowo”. It gets faster each year.

I am so glad I went to this lil baseball game, they are tearing down this stadium next year. Also I think I consumed 100+ oysters this year… seriously obsessed, this book I’m reading says to wait to dress them until the last moment they hit your tongue, to them them stay alive as long as possible. And the really fresh ones will squirm when you spray the lemon juice on them.. mmmm right?

July- Moved to Brooklyn, New York

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Now at this point you maybe thinking, damn how much more can she pack in?? well let me assure you, about 8 other countries!! Ya’ll, I love New York. So my 3 friends have been living there about 10 months at this point, and invited me to come up for the last 2 months of the lease and share a bedroom. I was wishy washy for about 2 months before hand, ‘am I gonna go, am I gonna stay’, which mind you I was in peak comfortability. Steady job, amazing bf, and a beautiful home shared with my bestie, truly content.

And I thought, F it. When am I going to get this chance again? Because yes, you can think “ohhh but NYC will be there forever!! Why give this comfort up?” And the answer is because it simply won’t ever be that again. It will never be 4 of us friends boo’d up in a little brownstone Brooklyn, second story flat, 23 again.

Brooklyn, my friend, hey J train, Chauncey Ave, I love you!! Seriously such a fun summer, lots of walking like at least 10k steps a day, easily, that is a part of living in a city without a car, you just gotta walk! and use public transportation, which NYC did teach me a lot about. I do miss my car though after about 2 months.

Doing photoshoots every week, scouting all the time, flyering for GOÛT Magazine, interviewing people on the street, selling clothes in Tompkins sq. park, and researching at libraries across town, it truly is the city that never sleeps.

I remember going to my first rooftop bar in the Manhattan; The Public hotel. A stunning venue, there is a carousel at the bottom lobby area and I swear it was like that Euphoria episode… so hysterical.

August- Amsterdam, Cologne & Orscholz Germany, Metz France, Luxembourg, Belgium, Rotterdam, and The Hague, Netherlands.

So this was like one month into living in Brooklyn, which the great part about being in/near NYC is the access to Europe. So easy literally a 6/7 hr direct flight to damn near anywhere, and like $250 one way… YES. Don’t even get me started on from more local airports. Same with Dublin!! Such cheap flights around Europe. That is what makes me addicted.

Immediately after touching down in Amsterdam after a 7 hour flight we biked into town, 10 miles. It was intense but I needed to stay awake, I decided this trip I wouldn’t get jet-lagged. Which I was— but only for the last 8ish hours of the day. From the jump, this family road-trip was a good one. I met Franklin and his family out there, his sister in law is from The Netherlands. Which is an amazing country, so much water it was like Venice, nice ppl, good thrifting, and it felt calm.

We started the trip first heading to Germany.

This was lovers bridge in Cologne Germany, we rode scooters all through this town, I love sharing a lime scooter. Modern day romantics.

Stunning tiny town in Germany where I got my Casio watch @avery

A winery in Germany, right on the border before France.

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Metz, France!!! There was an island in the middle of the rover with a castle on it, it was beautiful.

September- Moved to Lido Di Noto, Sicily

So now I get to be tan, living on the beach!! That silly little Snapchat from 9 months ago wasn’t so silly after all. I knew what was coming, subliminally, then I worked for it to come true physically.

All of these are baby olive trees. But just imagine me tan, running around barefoot, 5 min walk to the beach, for a month and a half, pure bliss.

So this was also my first Workaway experience, I went with one of my best friends and we lived on a farm. The garden of Eden if you will. But seriously I cannot do this place justice, here is the link for the BnB…

GO TO A VIIILLAAA

And yet again I fell in love with this island. I LOVE AN ISLAND.

Ready more about it here

October- Barcelona Spain, Andorra, the Pyrenees, Toulouse, Bordeaux, Tours, Le Mans, Paris.

A MF European roadtrip, Pt. 2. I am so lucky and blessed. I am so grateful for these experiences. I love my life and every person in it.

Barcelona was another city I fell in love with. The coolest thing about traveling is visiting these amazing international cities and talking with the people getting connections everywhere you go. I love a good business card, like yes I will follow you on instagram and email you a copy of GOÛT. Y’all, every experience you want/ think of in life, you have to create it. Buuuuut, highly recommend going through the Pyrenees in Autumn, holy shit it was the most magical, thing. Those mountains are legit insane roads for hours.

THE FOOD in France was sooo yummy. The onion soups the cheese the meat the wine, everything was yum. And I am in love with Paris. This was my second time there, and it is just so special sharing a city with your best friends and man. I went to the top of the Eiffel Tower and ate caviar and drank champagne. It was perfect. We were in a cloud, literally.

I wrote all about it here

November- Moved to Hollywood, Ireland

A little Irish getaway, 40 mins outside Dublin City, in the garden of Ireland, as they told us 700 times. It really is a beautiful part of the country. We did interior design for this victorian home it was so much fu. This property we were on was surrounded by the river Liffey and had a huge waterfall in the backyard. Jo and I went exploring the property and did lots of gardening. The Irish weather did not disappoint, it was super windy and overcast most days, and this island is fullll of sheep.

December- I Love You

I came home :) the week of Christmas we left Ireland and came back to the states. I think I was on a 2 week long bender from the time I got back until NYE, which spent back with my honey where it all began, Chattanooga, TN. I love home. Nashville, Franklin, Chattanooga, all places I have grown into myself, the confident and brave woman I am to go and explore the world.

My cutie Franklin TN.

Sooo quick recap, I turned 23 on the beach in San Juan and I knew I would be traveling this year in my life, and just in 2025 overall. I was not wrong! Boy what a fun year it’s been, I seriously am so lucky and blessed for the support I have, and the motivation behind it. (BUY THAT TICKET!!!) And thank you💘 cheers to another year.

xx

BIRTHDAY SHOUTOUT to Jolie Chiang, from Cj and Izzy HIII!!!! 24 💐

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Then came the mall, and a $15 smoothie. I love America!!

As saturday night approached, I left the mall at dusk, was running atrociously late for dinner, went to get our pizzas, then tramped around east Nashville like the locals we are. I haven’t been to any of these bars.

So it was great! Just a lot of vodka sodas splash of cran and a lime, with a side of photo booth pics, and one high school reunion featuring the treacherous trio.

Is there ever a remedy to a sunday? besides sleep til noon, shower and eat scramble eggs and toast until your coffee tastes like water. Yeah that will do it… and you move on with your life ppl! Pop that advil, put on those shades and live like a washed up rock star for 12 hours, or a dainty clean thing, either or.

But this monday was different, yeah I rode out that night that turned to day and made something useful out of it.

I baked a cake!

Gave my cats a rave, I AM OFFICIALLY A DJ🫦 my first set

& I made a shrimp scampi for dinner, which I will link a recipe it is sooo easy and probably less than 10 mins to make.

I’ll see you next week! When you question everything that sunday, remember it will be better tomorow, hold on little soldier!!! Try and do a little extra something on monday to bring that motivation back. I mean, this is the LAST WEEK of the year!!! Enjoy it!!!!

xx

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Link to shrimp scampi

Cake inspo

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Just joozing up your closet or your vocabulary can make you feel entirely new.

But most of all you need to remember is to have fun, bestie it is going to be even better than you could’ve imagined… !!!!!!

Xx

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The more I grow up, the more I realize that even adults and old people for the most part don’t even know what they are doing. It’s true, and that gives me both peace and anxiety. Because what do you mean you don’t know why my plane got delayed 6 hours and now I have to stay over night in Miami all alone???! Well girl, no one knows damnit. And that delayed flight that screws up your plan is going to happen about everyday. It’s how you deal with it that shows a lot.

Let me get back to what I was saying about the person you want to be; so you imagine this singer you want to be, but you don’t sing. So you must start to sing. You can apply for a musical, or take a signing class, or join a band. Even recording a song and posting it, record 100 songs and post them all! That is what a successful singer would be doing. The most outrageous profession you can think of, you can do! Maybe this is false information, but maybe this is just what you need to hear to start a new hobby. It doesn’t have to be entirely life changing, but it can be.

A professional chef doesn’t have to go to culinary school, they just have to know what tastes good, and the science behind the temperature and stuff.

This mentality will actually change your life. It’s so easy to say things and expect other people to do things, and think that someone successful is better than you, but that is not true. You are just as capable and it does not hurt to try, like at all.

So go for it! Just start moving in the same ways as your dream person would move. Do a tangible act, and remember that no one really cares, and I hope you learn that before it’s too late. The person you want to be is waiting!!! On you!!! Start small, and stay consistent and soon enough, that person is you.

Xx

💋

Groupie Love by Lana Del Ray ft. A$AP Rocky

You’re in the bar, playing guitar
I’m tryin’ not to let the crowd next to me
It’s so hard sometimes with the star
When you have to share him with everybody

The feeling of sharing someone you love or like, have a crush on, or are married to maybe, is hard. You don’t want to let their crowd in. I remember having a crush that reminded me of this song, an intangible feeling, one you cannot grasp or experience, and that is sometimes the most inspiring force. My friend called me recently with a crush, and it’s true, they drive you crazy. But that emotion is so rare, it does not last, and enjoying it is the best thing you could do. Go a little cray, knowing it will inevitably go away.

You’re in the club, living it up
I’m tryin’ not to let the crowd notice me
It’s so sweet, swinging to the beat
When I know that you’re doin’ it all for me

Lana just has a way with imagery. I can see this whole scene playing out. Lana standing among the crowd, wanting to be invisible to everyone but him. Of course I envision ASAP up on the stage, a smaller venue, with the lights dim in the audience. She stands in the front, but is admiring from a far. A quiet voice is telling her this is all for her. Is it though? Or is he just the star?

And every time you look up
I know what you’re thinking of
I know what you’re thinking of

It is a fragile thing, this whole groupie love notion. Being the side character in what feels like someone else’s movie. This is what we are seeing play out in this song. A star and his groupie. But the star is eager to get off that stage, and find his supporter, swinging to the beat, silently watching.

You want my
Groupie love
Groupie love
Groupie love

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Picking fresh pomegranate everyday, lychee, pink and white guava, passion fruit, dragon fruit, persimmon, multiple types of oranges, lemon, making our own sugarcane, hella tomatoes, peppers, and kale, oh and fresh eggs. I love Sicily, the people are a bit crazed, but all our neighbors were nice. Do we speak Italian? Hell no. Okay like the bare minimum, but we also were so secluded there weren’t many options to speak to anyone. But our host, Gio, was amazing, and the most futuristic, caring farmer. This was his family farm for generations. He transformed it into art. Seriously the care that went into every tree, centuries old olive trees we picked, all with no pesticides, completely natural.

Running around barefoot everyday, I thrive. And we finished the second issue of Goût Magazine while we were there!!! It is the NYC edition, and I got lots of inspiration for the Sicily issue. I just love people, and places, and scents, all of it.

Goût Magazineeee

So we got to the farm, in Lido Di Noto, the beach of Noto, on the eastern side of the island, across from Greece. There is a lot of Grecian influence on that side of the island, and a lot of ancient history as well. The area where we were, Noto, Avola, and Syracuse, got destroyed in a terrible earthquake 100s of years ago, I think around 1750s ish, and got rebuilt in that time. So it is considered “new” compared to the rest of the island. Which to an American is still so damn ancient, but this shit was built in literal 100 AD so no, it is very new. I love the architecture of Sicily, it is a bit more colorful, considering the harvest of so many fruits.

One of my fav houses on our walk to the beach everyday

Cactus lined roads sprinkled with pink prickly pear, huge rock mountain faces with magenta, red, yellow, and lavender colored flowers, the ocean, like blue Gatorade, and rocks of every hue on the beach. Lemon trees, orange trees, everywhere. It is a similar climate and environment to the coast of California, which makes sense. It just feels different, duh. Mt. Etna watching over, being moody, blowing smoke and steam and lava.

The olive harvest was good this year, not the best ever, but good. Jove and I picked over 900Kg of olives, and had infinite olive oil, the richest color and smell and taste. I swear I was addicted to the smell of the fresh olives right off the tree, now you can’t eat those because they are soooo bitter, but the oil process is quite cool, and fast! We went to the factory, and it was a whole production. All these Sicilian farmers there and when their olives got processed, they passed out seasoned bread and red wine, with a dash of lemon juiced in the wine…. Mmmmm. We got so drunk, we didn’t eat anything for dinner but damn oil and bread, and like 40 tiny cups of wine, lol. That was a great night.

The best oil, nothing will ever compare. Straight from the press!!

It is so special experiencing these cultures, going to markets, eating fresh, working in the field everyday, going to the beach everyday, being so tan and natural. I love it. Just meeting these people we would have never met before if not for taking a chance and relying on the good in this world. I highly recommend doing a Workaway before you get stuck in your hometown. You have your whole life to settle down and be comfortable but now we are young people!!!! Go out in Ibiza, get lost in Thailand, swim in the Mediterranean everyday, ski down the alps, pick an olive and be happy.

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By the end of my time in Sicily, I was happy to have experienced so much, and felt so much peace. The waves crashing and the stars at night put me to bed every night. This was at a time when right before, I was living in Brooklyn. In the biggest city in America, no chill, no privacy, pure energy. And going to Sicily after that was a huge reset, that I appreciated in ten fold. We came on a full moon, and left on a full moon, under the Sicilian sun, when the oranges were just becoming orange, and the olive trees left bare. One harvest ends, and another just begins.

Outside of the farm, we met Doriana, a very talented artist who had a showing in Noto, which we went to. Her friend sang, and we danced in this cave where the gallery was. Noto is a small town, but this weekend there was a royal wedding in the main cathedral, and two other weddings happening, so just about every hotel was full and the streets popping. Noto is cute, there was a night market we walked down, and a lot of antique shops, boutiques, and galleries we went to. We met a lot of artists and got their cards.

Then we went to Syracuse which is really pretty, a larger city, but still small. The historic center is Ortigia island where every road is a tiny alley with stunning ocean views at the end. This was a great city. Oh my hell, just stunning. The perfect day, and the bus ride home was hysterical. Singing and playing guitar, people making out behind us, it felt like adult summer camp every time we rode on that damn bus.

Avola was the other town we spent some time in, I went to the Saturday market and got some clothes. That is where we went grocery shopping, for Lido Di Noto is actually so tiny, like 1 market, 0 shops. But you know what we did find was a great beach club!!!! Our first week, we were walking around looking for friends, Jove yelling “Dove la festa!!!!???” Where is the party yalllll. So obviously these Italians heard that at the beach club, and boom. It was the manager, a nice guy names Paolo, and some of his friends. They were so welcoming to us random Americans, and then we went to the beach club everyday sitting under an umbrella, nice lounge chairs for freeeee. Being nice pays off. And you do have to put in effort to meet people or make friends. It definitely makes a person more outgoing if you crave to talk and learn about people and places like myself.

I really enjoyed every bit of it. I think when we arrived we had more ideas of traveling to Malta and to Taormina, but it was a bit difficult to get around. We don’t have a car so we relied on Gio and his son also helped out and would pick us up and stuff. But I was completely content. We became locals to all the market owners, the beach club, to Doriana and Paolo. We ate great, drank great wine, and often danced on the beach.

I am always content.

Xx

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Look to the small artists, to nature and to experiences this year when thinking about gifts. Bring back walking about the mall or something, damn, I know we are busy but only shopping online or in a Walmart is just de-humanizing at some point! We are meant to forage, to hunt for the perfect thing. It is joyous and I hope that spirit can come back this holiday season.

So instead of an amazon wishlist, this is a meaningful gift guide that will last longer than a random plastic heart. So let’s take a journey on just a few delicious ideas anyone in your life will appreciate.

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A plane ticket

Surprise someone with a random plane ticket… some added joy or stress never hurt anyone!!!

A concert ticket

Just any ticket really, it’s fun! Painting class, aerial silks, cocktail mixing class, massage, etc.

A house

Give them keys to a beautiful renovated chateaux in France, mmm

A flip phone

Honestly I think may be the best one.

Go thrift for something specific

Just a meaningful little piece of wood or metal.

Hire a cleaner for them

One day, one cleaning, might give them the holiday reset they need.

Family heirloom

A simple gesture that never goes unnoticed is a piece of your generation.

So next time you think about getting your friend that pair of nail clippers, ask yourself do they already have one? No, because they always steak yours. So get them the nail clippers, and get them a damn experience!!!! Like a manicure. I’m just so thoughtful.

Xx

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I just read a substack article by I guess some successful millionaire giving advice to people in their 20s and 30s, about what will become evident in your late 30s that seems interesting.

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Basically what I got from it was to take risks, invest in yourself, learn about finances and how to use them for you. Money is a tool, just as our energy, our obsessions, and our time.

Learn to use them to your advantage, and learn psychology to help you as well. I would call that finesse. And some are better than others at it, AKA the rich mfers in this world that are so convincing of the dumbest shit, hmm.

Being passive, being kind and spreading love, is just simply not enough. Although it is important to have good morals, you need obsession and to observe, and to ACT to have ‘financial and time freedom’. Let’s just say this is all true right now, and being a psychopath so obsessed with a random thing so niche, with no competition, that millions subscribe to your idea. You sell this idea over and over again, you work obsessively for years, and later it works out. But it leaves you, where are you now? This washed up crazy person so drained from your obsessive behavior, you take a few years to build yourself back up. But a least you have a successful business now.. is that the plot? I think the writer of that article says yes. And that article itself is a way to sell his “life changing” pamphlets or whatever plan it is.

A year ago I was working a full time job at a Marriott hotel, climbing my way up the corporate ladder. When the owner came in and got drinks at the rooftop bar, which was often, servers, managers, doormen, got nervous and all of a sudden a stick up their ass.

Like please chill. And I always served him his drinks, and I would treat him like a normal person, and thank God bc he just is one?? But I didn’t get that nervous feeling. Instead I related myself to him. I am a young person who in that moment felt mentally more alike to our millionaire owner, than the broke 40 y/o bar back that needed a ride every night. Of course there is a median where I lie, lmao, but sometimes you need to gaslight yourself in order to believe something, and see it come true.

Maybe that is the first step to finesse?? To gaslight.. yourself. I think that articles was a finesse guide, now that I think about it

Anywho, he says to write everyday online, publishing it of course, and make an alias for yourself online, which is smart, completely stripping the rules. (I am now CJ Stevens RAWRR)

But seriously, why not??

I’m writing this for myself, put down the instagram reels, the hair picking, the cuticle biting PLS. And continue to better yourself, to speak to a new person everyday, to write here everyday, and show up for yourself in ways that tomorrow will thank you.

That article probably did some brain washing and I’m going to let it be helpful, I hope, and gain some confidence with my writing. I do want to learn more about finances too, unfortunately, or you know what, fortunately it is that time in my life to know what’s up.

So, what will I sell, how will I finesse you, and gaslight myself? Oh doesn’t that sound so freeing!!!

Lmao,

Xx

CJ Stevens

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That is something they don’t tell you about living out of a carry-on: Your hobbies stay behind. But! You gain more along the way, and become more creative in a way without them. It is a minimal lifestyle, at least for me, someone used to a whole ass apartment to myself. But I think that is what being young is about.

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Right now, I have no kids, no pets, no husband, no lease, just a lot of things tbh. And they live at my parent’s house right now, lol, and 1/30th with me here, in Blessington, Ireland.

Take advantage of everything you have, everywhere you have been, everyone you have met, everything you have learned in only the best ways. Enjoy them, cherish them, and let them go when you need to. Because one day, you might just be out on your own and you have to make do with what’s in your carry-on. It’s the cool thing about life, is that it’s always changing, and I believe that’s how it is supposed to be. I have found comfort in change, in the seasons, the moon, the breeze. Scenery changes and so do we. Sometimes it’s easy to look back at the chaotic person I once was, and miss her. But she’s still in me, and I can take that energy and put it into different pieces of my pie chart.

((((( once a wild child, always a wild child )))))))

I use my chaotic energy now to do other things like reaching out to 100 random people from magazines or other companies I’m interested in. Like applying to Workaways and letting fate decide where I’ll end up next. I still love thrifting and experiments with fashion and food and makeup— I’ve just added an extra layer of fun by being anywhere but home.

One day I will have a forever home, and for now, that lives in my suitcase and in my heart. I am out with the breeze and love who I am today, and 6 months ago, and 10 years ago.

I don’t know where this blog is headed, but do something for someone else, learn a new word, chat to a new soul, and do something with passion!!!!

Xx

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At least I do, and over the years I have really loved a little scrapbook. Nothing fancy, just business cards and bits from here and there that I compile together. And it just is fun tbh. I like to collect little things, it’s just a primal instinct I guess, especially when we travel, we want to remember the places we’ve been, often gathering these little bobs and ending up with a purse full of random crap. Until you put it together it makes sense.

I mean, isn’t that what this app is for too? In the digital world that is. It is a form of documentation, a form of therapy honestly, but sometimes it can be bad.

I watched a video how we are being “Micro-Nostalgic” about everything nowadays because we are taking photos of literally everything, lol. It becomes deeper than a silly photo dump on instagram, it is now a scrapbook of our own life, taking bits and bobs to remember every moment. I find myself looking back at my own photos, my posts on instagram, and reminiscing on yesterday’s walk. Such an odd time we live in.

But how can we change the narrative? Taking control of our own nostalgic tendencies, do we delete the app that we post of everyday to prove our existence, and live in the moment? Will that ever be sustainable? If people aren’t seeing our photos, do they even matter? All of this is super interesting to me. But what I realize is that yes, the pictures I take on my iPhone I do look back at, I post them, I reminisce.

But that things I write down on paper, my little scrapbook, my digital camera, I do not bother to look back at, they are not in my face, screaming at me 100x a day. All this to say, think about your presence in space, and remember the best moments in life are the ones you may just forget, because you were enjoying them in the moment, not concerned with snapping a pic.

So, for all the rewiring writing does for us, it will never be a fix. Only an experience documented, that might bring you peace. I think it is always helpful to have a reason, but living in the present is that reason.

Don’t get too lost in the sauce now…

Xx

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Saucey, saucey days, 
Remember me?
The one who got away, 
The one who swam and splashed in the sauce of life.
Maybe you don’t, 
And that’s alright. 
Because I remember you, 
And I might just swim back to you one day.
For now, don’t worry.
I am happy here in the sauce.
And I will love you forever.

Xoxo,
Your sweet, lost memories.

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My friend Jové and I had our first project and it was so fun!! The dustiest shelves now staged to perfection.

Allll the farm house vibes we love, s little 2010 never hurt anybody.

Xx

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Let me begin in Barcelona, where my lovely lad flew to meet me from Chattanooga, TN, and picked me up at the airport at 1AM, and camped on the beach under the stars and incoming planes. It had been 2 months since we had seen each other, and we decided to rent a camper van and make the drive to Paris to meet my friends.

Stop 1: Barcelona

I think I fell in love with Barcelona in the 2 days we were there, the beach, the mountains, the city, just riding on the tram with him was so romantic. Although, there was a secret being kept, that I soon cracked, it was a funny moment in time.

The colors that remind me of Barcelona are peach and sage, seen here just through the crazy architecture of Gaudi all throughout the city.

After leaving Barcelona and staying a night in the most luxurious hotel room, we started our journey north. I had heard of Andorra before, and after Franklin and I both got into snowboarding this year, & got him a thrifted poster of Andorra, I had to go. It is a tiny country between Spain and France, not apart of the EU or the Schengen Zone, which is cool. Anywho, it was insane getting there, driving through the pyrenees mountains, thank God he knows how to drive that van in these tiny European cities and through literal Lombard St. the whole way…

Stop 2: Andorra

After arriving in Andorra, we walked around and kissed and ate ramen and shopped, and lost our van for a minute. Bless him, I love shopping but lord knows I am not buying anything NEW!!!! Like why is that, girl treat yourself, but the environment, the thrill of finding it for 1/6 the price. It gets me every time. Andorra was lit though.

Then we had to drive in the pitch black through switch-back roads for two hours straight to get to our campsite. It was insane also, and this campsite was so random and in the middle of no where I didn’t know what to I expect, but I knew we would be okay. We arrived, and cooked in the van. It began to rain and put us right to sleep. It was a chill night.

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We woke up and it was STUNNING!!!! I was so happy to see the leaves changed and the crisp air, I drank a hot tea and picked some raspberries, we went on a walk around the river across the street of us.

There was even wild walnuts I was finding and eating on our walk, just in the middle of the Pyrenees, I loved it. It was actually crazy because we were staying somewhere different every single night, until Paris. We packed up our stuff at campsite after a quick breakfast and got on the road to Toulouse, our third stop.

The drive up was seriously some of the craziest mountains and fall colors I had seen, going through tiny villages and ski resorts also the whole way. Very mediaeval, very modern of us, on the edge of this huge mountain, creating something to remember forever, in our little van. In the sea of trees, we eventually crossed into France.

It’s so funny driving with someone for days straight. You talk a lot, you entertain yourself and each other. You listen to the same damn 8 songs until you go crazy, then you find music from high school that creates a trance and puts you in that exact place from 2017. Cannot believe 2026 is here. Actually I can believe it, how lucky are we.

Stop 3: Toulouse

Toulouse was so perfect too though, this girl I met in Sicily lives there and told me a good restaurant, which did not disappoint at alllll. Holy shit it was so good and homey and I love it here in Europe. It has been such a European year. I’m so blessed. Also Toulouse is called the Pink City, which is my fav color. A good omen.

This funny thing kept happening to us where we would go inside somewhere then come out to it having just rained. I love him. So weird to think we are in love, but only in the best way. I even got FROYO and bitch have I been craving froyo for the past year, I had it once in Gatlinburg in January, it is just so good I would eat it everyday.

We stayed at a nice campsite in Toulouse, and the next morning went to the free Japanese Garden which was beautiful, then drove to Bordeaux, around a 3 hour drive I think. It was chill, definitely way calmer than going through the mountains. It was cool going through all the different regions and drinking the wine, getting cognac and champagne, Chardonnay, escargot and allll the onion soups.

Stop 4: Bordeaux

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Bordeaux was cute AF. She felt bigger than Toulouse, maybe because it is more well known? But was giving very much medieval vibes. We sat at this place and ate, something we did run into a bit as well is that dinner time is so late here, and we are hungry and damn near starved by 4 pm, lmao. But we always eat whenever, it’s just funny trying to find a restaurant seeing meals at that weird time.

The campsite here was nice as well, and this was our fourth stop, it was Friday at this point. We had fun every night, in the camper, eating snacks and drinking vino, and watching movies. In Bordeaux we took the bus and trams into town, it was fun, and made it back that night right before the rain, yet again = ).

Stop 5: Tours

I was wearing this stupid jacket I got for free literally the whole time because I love being picky I guess, but I ended up buying two cute warm, jackets in Tours, our next stop, and giving this one to Franky. His ass didn’t even bring a jacket, so he needed this one.

But yes, our next stop was Tours, it was maybe my favorite, it was mini Paris fr. I loved the energy here, the food was amazing, the scenery, and thrifting was all great. Here, there are buildings from 100AD, and in the evening colorful lights everywhere.

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It was a rainy evening, and we escaped it in perfect timing, obviously, and enjoyed oysters and onion soup, again. But here we also took public transportation, aka the bus, back to our campsite, which was cute, it was on a canal or river. A lot of them were on water now that I think about it. Peaceful and quiet. The next day we ate ramen outside and made our way to Le Mans with my man. This is a race car city, where they do a 24 hour race, which ofc we went to go see, and it was a Sunday so we got free entry and got to see a couple races.

Franklin will be out there one day going fast, that will be fun to watch. But it was nice, when we went to the small museum on site and had a NY HOTDOG BOYYYY. It was good as hell, he brought out tea for me and condiments as well, that would definitely not happen in the real NY, sheesh.

Stop 6, the Finale: Paris

Jk, the city of lights of course!! How romantic, we actually went up it this night. Ugh what a fun time, when we arrived after Le Mans we cooked a dinner in the van, chilled, star gazed, drank a tini. We slept in, obvi, then caught the metro into town. We actually couldn’t figure out how to get our metro cards at this station, and hopped the gate… hehe. Aaaand we had to hop on the way out as well which was a little sketchy, oops! But we arrived and it was a gorgeous day to do some sightseeing.

We saw everything basically, the Arch de Triumph, the Louvre, the Presidents house I guess, a lot of museums, and of course the Tour Eiffel, which we layed under and as I played the LOL soundtrack.

That night we met up with my friends, and we went back to Le Gare, a jazz club we went to 2 years ago.

In the basement is a dj and it’s in the catacombs and it was free this night, so that was fun to dance to. But I love my life, and all the love in it. #blessed. The next day we got macaroons and went to the Sacre Cœr, the sacred heart for you English guys. But it was so fun, we did some thrifting with Jové and ate sushi.

We had to deliver the van the next day, but it truly was so much fun. That damn van, a VW California, I rate it a 9/10. Honestly a 10/10, fuck it. It was great, but it was more about the company I was with. So deep, I know.

So yeah, that was our week in the van. We did stay in another amazing hotel and went to the top of the tower and blah blah blah, sexy jazz.

The end. Xx

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