It was called Claire’s Freaky Giraffe show, because I’m tall.

Sometimes when I’m playing the “what if” game I wonder what would have happened if I had pursued a career in radio. Perhaps I’d have a hit music podcast or be a Sirius XM host who gets to interview Maggie Rogers and Father John Misty.

My point is only, I love to make a playlist. Whether it’s for a yoga class or a party, I’m considering the flow, the pace, the sweet spot of discovery and familiarity, and I’m pretty good at (or so I’m told.)

This playlist is from the spring of 2024 when I had a Farewell to Oakland party in my backyard. You can use it for your Labor Day Party or any other ~6 hour hang sesh that is hopefully happening outdoors.

And it’s also my first paid post. I put a lot of work into creating this, and if I can get paid to make a playlist then I’m basically living the dream. :-)

If you decide to become a paid subscriber, you can expect more playlists, yoga practice videos, a members only chat where we can set weekly intentions and check in on them together, and many other goodies that I am sorting out now but I promise will be worth $8/month.

But even more than paying, I’d love for you to share my writing with friends. If you liked any of what I’ve written lately, please send it to one other person you think would like it too!

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Remember those early days of Covid when we all started going bananas? The dining table was being used for Zoom TK (ha, ha) by my oldest, and the baby was that adorable and terrifying age of just starting to be mobile.

Both my husband and I were fortunate enough to be able to “do our jobs” from home, although suddenly that job felt a lot more like being a daycare provider and teacher in addition to my paid job of sales for a tea company. Did you know that children expect to eat 3 meals a day? Every day?? Exhausting.

There was a distinct feeling of- just get through this moment. But as Oman Khayyåm famously said-

“Be happy for this moment. This moment is your life.”

I was decidedly NOT happy for this moment.

What would it look like for even this difficult time to be worth living, or… fun?

So many of us find ourselves in situations that we “just need to get through” before we can start living the life we want. Whether it is the degree, the boring job or the newborn haze, we think once we make it to the other side we will finally be able to enjoy things.

Even if you love your life, you probably still have moments you would fast forward through if you could. The bedtime struggle. The spreadsheets. The housework. But if you’ve seen the Adam Sandler classic Click, you know that is no way to live your life.

If you haven’t seen it, it’s a kind of “It’s A Wonderful Life” arc where Adam Sandler finds a remote so that he can fast-forward through the difficult moments in his life. Spoiler alert, he starts using it for just the vaguely uncomfortable moments too.

Isn’t picking up your phone to distract yourself a version of picking up a remote to fast forward? It is removing you from the pain and mess of existence, making things feel more “comfortable” while it makes you absent from your own life. All of a sudden we will look up and realize that we’ve been missing the beauty right in front of us.

What if the moments you’re just trying to survive are actually potential portals to a life of joy?

Joy isn’t a reward you earn by getting through the hard part. It’s a practice you cultivate inside the hard part. Let me be clear: You deserve to be living your best life RIGHT NOW. Today. Even in the moments, or the years, that suck.

Your kids are watching you model what adulthood looks like. Make it look fun.

There are two clear ways I discovered to make sure that you are not simply “getting through” any moments of you life.

First, find the cracks.

Joy doesn’t need a reason, a schedule, or a justification. It just needs a pause in the day.

These are the things you do solely because they make you feel alive. They’re not productive, they are not checking something off your list, and you’re not getting anything else done while you do them.

Here’s how I did this during Covid: Beyond the (possibly unhealthy) nightly cocktail hour we had started instituting, I was clueless as to how to break up the monotony. But out of desperation, I started going on “gummy walks” around the neighborhood with one of my friends. We would pop 5 mg and walk and talk and brainstorm ways to get through this time.

It was something I prioritized just for me. Something that I would look forward to. The connection, the movement and the laughter gave me life and literally carried me through many days.

The walk usually lasted an hour or so, but there are things you can do in just 10 minutes that will bring this feeling. Dancing. Calling a friend. Eating a spoonful of peanut butter with 4 chocolate chips on it with your full attention. Having sex (with someone or yourself.)

But finding joy in the cracks isn’t enough if the rest of the day still feels like a grind. That’s where Mode 2 comes in.

Then, insert creativity everywhere.

You’re already doing the things. The question is HOW you’re doing them.

Every routine task- bedtime, dishes, commute, meal prep- is an opportunity to practice presence, experimentation, and play.

This is something that came up on our Covid gummy neighborhood walks. I was struggling with bedtime. My oldest would not make it easy for me and by that time of day I was so tapped out I just wanted her to go to sleep so I could have a precious hour to myself. My patience was extremely thin and I was not showing up how I would like to.

Then my friend asked- “What if you made bedtime an experiment? What if you just tried new things- being super goofy, brushing your teeth together, doing jumping jacks, walking out of the room?”

Suddenly instead of being an enforcer going through the motions, I was a scientist discovering what my little 5 year old creature would respond to.

I was an artist creating an experiential piece called “getting this 5 year old to get into her pjs.”

It changed my perspective and made the whole thing a heck of a lot more fun for both of us.

What if you approached doing dishes tonight as an experiment of how you can most enjoy doing the dishes. Put on a podcast. Get fully present with the sensations of the hot water. Set a timer and see how fast you can be. Sing. You are definitely going to find something that makes the whole experience not just ok, but maybe even memorable.

Two modes, and neither requires you to upend your entire life situation. They only require a decision that today is part of your actual life, and you’re going to show up for it.

Back when we were running our school/office/restaurant during covid, we had no idea how long it would last. Would this be our new life? And that was what saved us. It forced us to stop waiting.

Your life is happening right now. Don’t wait for some future date to enjoy it.

xo

Claire

PS I absolutely love hearing from you so please comment on this post or respond to this email if you want to let me know how you are finding more joy in your life!

PPS I don’t think I’ve recommended this yet- if you’re looking for a great family show, check out Building the Band on Netflix. Pure joy every moment if you like watching talented people perform!

I pursue “social perfectionism” in many ways.

• I want everyone to like me. You like me, right?

• I stress about other people’s emotional states. My husband is clearly distracted and thinking about work when we are having dinner? I must fix it!

• I read all subtle cues to make sure I’m keeping everyone happy. Does my mom not like the menu at the restaurant? Is my friend getting annoyed by my other friend? How can I step in and solve?

• I actively avoid conversations that might upset someone or make them uncomfortable. This is the one that makes me terrible at negotiating.

I have been journaling for years about wanting to shed these people-pleasing tendencies. And yet, I know my empathy is a strength. It makes me a wonderful listener, someone who people feel comfortable confiding in. I thrive on connection and consider my relationships to be the most important things in my life.

This quote from Julie Delpy in Before Sunrise really resonates:

“If there is any kind of God, it wouldn’t be in any of us. Not you or me. But just this little space in between. If there’s any kind of magic in this world, it must be in the attempt of understanding someone sharing something. I know its almost impossible to succeed but who cares really? The answer must be in the attempt.”

This is an opportunity to live with paradox, with two truths at once. I can love people deeply and I can’t manage their emotional lives for them. In order to best serve others, we must be able to separate ourselves from their suffering.

As the wonderful meditation teacher Madelyne Schermer shared in her recent class on Staying Connected without Getting Swept Away:

“I can care without fixing. I can listen without absorbing. I can stay connected without losing my center.”

I can be my empathetic, connected self without taking on the responsibility for everyone’s happiness.

People-pleasing is actually ego driven. I believe I am so important that my behavior controls everyone’s happiness. Even when someone’s mood has absolutely nothing to do with me, I still manage to center myself.

As my friend said to her husband the other day when he was stressing out about tech difficulties getting on a call- “Well, that’s not my fault!” No! Of course it’s not. But we all feel that impulse to make it about us.

Truly, perfectionism rearing its ugly head.

So this week I’m getting super mindful about how I’m reacting to my family and my friends. As Madelyne said, I’m being clear on what belongs in my department (my words, choices, boundaries, responses) and what belongs to others (their feelings, reactions, inner world).

When my husband is clearly distracted by work at dinner, I will pause and ask, “is this in my department?” It isn’t! Put up your OOO and don’t respond to that email! He is allowed to have his own inner world.

When my daughter starts stressing about starting at a new school, I listen without rushing in with a solution. There is no solution! It’s just a kid feeling stuff!

This is hard, and I’m bad at it, but it is easier the second you catch yourself doing it.

If you’re also a social perfectionist, I invite you to try it. Catch yourself centering your own importance in someone else’s experience- and practice letting it go.

Journal Prompt: In what situations do I find myself swept away by the emotions or problems of another person? Am I actually helping them by the way I react? How might I stay grounded next time a challenging situation arises?

In other news:

I mentioned a few weeks back that I was doing an online content creation and writing bootcamp with Dan Koe and I got so much value from it.

I’ve been using his app, Eden, and it has elevated my creative process. It’s essentially a “second brain”- a place to organize notes, inspiration and references and create “boards” that will eventually turn into Substack articles and Reels. It even pulled many, many years worth of highlights from my Kindle and made them searchable so that I can find half-remembered, relevant ideas I might want to reference as I write.

You can check it out here- and yes this is an affiliate link, meaning I might make a commission if you decide to sign up! But obviously I wouldn’t promote it if I didn’t think it would offer a lot of value to your creative life.

I am going to be teaching some more classes in L.A. starting over the next few weeks and I’d love for you to come!

• Mondays 4pm and Fridays 11am at The Circle, Burbank (you need to be a member but reach out for a free pass if you want to check it out!)

• Mondays 9am at La Canada Flintridge Community Center

• Tuesday and Thursday 9am at La Crescenta Yoga in the Park (reach out to me for info)

• Thursdays 6:30pm Yin class at Studio City Library (FREE!)

Getting comfortable in the gray area is actually how you escape the soul-sucking slog and create a life that is unique to you.

You don’t have to blow everything up to feel lighter, more connected, and more joyful every day. It just takes small actions and mindset shifts.

A few years ago we were coming out of the pandemic, and I felt uninspired and tired. Caring for young kids and working full-time, I had very little time for myself. I was going through the motions of my life.

It was a weekend retreat at Esalen that shifted things. On that sacred ground in Big Sur, I had the time and space to reflect, and realized what was missing was the reflection itself.

To paraphrase Oliver Burkeman in Four Thousand Weeks- every moment you’re choosing from millions of ways to spend your time and attention. You’re making a choice even when it isn’t a conscious one. I wanted to wake up and start being conscious about my life.

There was not a lot of wiggle room in what my hours were spent on- I had my job, I had my kids, and that took up most of my time. My work felt boring and pointless, and parenting felt like a slog. But the problem wasn’t what my time went toward. It was how I was showing up for it. What if I could show up in every aspect of my life, as it already was in that moment, with presence, creativity and intention?

The wellness and parenting worlds traffic in all-or-nothing mentality.

Vegan or Carnivore.

AI is evil or it should be writing everything for you.

We all must follow the exact same vaccination schedule or all vaccines are bad.

If you are mom that must be your primary identity.

The extreme voices get the clicks and everyone in the middle goes quiet.

I’ve never been a black and white person. I live for the gray area, and strive to hold my values seriously while making generous room for being human.

My time in Esalen eventually resulted in me pursuing my yoga teacher training with Janet Stone, and as I went deeper into into yoga philosophy, I found concepts that ring truer to me than the modern schools of wellness thought. Yin and yang, discipline and surrender, root and rise- these are all two sides of the same coin.

As Pema Chodron says in Start Where You Are,

The truth is that good and bad coexist; sour and sweet coexist. They aren’t really opposed to each other. We could start to open our eyes and our hearts to that deep way of perceiving, like moving into a whole new dimension of experience: Becoming a child of illusion.

It is in becoming comfortable with paradox that we can “become a child of illusion” and find lightness, joy and clarity in our lives. This Substack is about that imperfect alignment. It’s about moving in a direction without being dogmatic about the destination, and not being afraid to recalibrate along the way.

As this mindset shift expands your sense of what is possible, Burkeman’s infinite choices can become paralyzing.

The 5 Element Framework provides a compass, and it’s the lens I use to consider my options.

Earth: Your foundation. Relationships, Community, stability.

Water: Surrender, trust in the universe, letting go.

Fire: The balance to water- discipline, doing the hard thing, showing up when you don’t feel like it.

Air: Creativity, inspiration, play, finding your gifts

Space: Presence, stillness, and the capacity to appreciate the moment.

The elements are tools for tearing down boring routines and replacing them with purposeful rituals. They are tools for waking up to your life.

Who this Substack is For

• The mom of 2 under 5, home all day who has lost touch with the person she is without her kids.

• The corporate ladder climber who has crossed all her career goals off her list but still feels un-fun-filled (sic)

• The “human-giver” (vs human-being, to paraphrase a concept from Emily & Amelia Nagasoki’s book Burnout) who feels guilty wanting something that’s just for her.

  Does this sound like someone you know? Your shares and recommendations make all the difference to me!

  Share

What you’ll get

Once a week newsletter with personal reflections and one small ritual, practice or prompt, built to fit into your already very full life. I also share culture recs and playlists because I love those things. Expect tools for your own snack sized retreats: Clarity, Inspiration, Relaxation, Connection.

Don’t expect rigid guidelines or a ten-step protocol. I’m a type-B mom, I’m still figuring my shit out, I screw up, and I share about it. But I’m kind to myself, I know which direction I’m headed, I’m growing and expanding every day and my purpose is to help others do the same.

Where to start

My nuanced views on wellness and parenting, a moment of personal challenge, and a ritual yoga practice video.

On my recent trip through the Boston area, I had the opportunity to drag my family to visit my alma mater, Tufts.

I stood in front of the house across from Dunkin’ Donuts with my husband and daughters, twenty years after I’d last seen it. Looking up at the closed front porch we used solely for Beirut (a definitely politically-incorrect name for beer pong), I could almost smell the stale beer, and feel the sticky floors. We were 11 women in that house, hosting parties most weekends with kegs somehow obtained from the liquor store by one of us who was already twenty-one.

If you went to an American college, you can picture it- red Solo cups, thirty-packs of Natty Light, handles of cheap vodka. Needless to say, the levels of drinking were... beyond. It was not unusual for me to have eight or nine beers in a night. Someone usually ended up puking, and hopefully not rallying and continuing to drink, although sometimes that was the case.

No question that my drinking in college was problematic. But the general consensus right now, especially in the wellness world, is that young people not drinking is unambiguously good. I don’t see it that way.

My first jobs out of college were at Murray’s Cheese and Morrell Wine. During that time, I learned how to taste, and to attend to my senses in a completely new way. I completed my WSET certification and my mind was expanded by what alcohol could be.

This inspired my first foray into entrepreneurship- Claire’s Cheese Tasting Parties, where I put together individual cheese plates for guests, paired with a different wine for each cheese, and walked them through each pairing, giving history and background and illustrating how the combination was more than the sum of its parts.

Have you ever taken a bite of Comte cheese, chewed it for a moment, and then followed with a sip of white Burgundy? I’m telling you, it’s next level.

Suddenly, alcohol was not just a tool to get drunk. It was a revelation to be savored, enjoyed, and discussed. It connected to a country, a region, the earth, farmers and tradition. In our optimized, hyper-productive world, drinking was about the value of time spent without a purpose other than to ENJOY.

Over the years, my drinking has continued to decline- with exception of Covid when the nightly cocktails were the only thing breaking up the monotony of being stuck at home. Now, I rarely drink during the week.

Last year, only 54% of Americans said they drink regularly — the lowest in 90 years, and just 50% among 18- to 34-year-olds. Here’s why I don’t see this movement toward abstention as purely positive.

Bars

The Brooklyn Inn is a beautiful bar on Hoyt and Bergen in Boerum Hill. It’s not fancy but it’s not a dive. There’s a pool table in the back and the bartender is kinda rude but she makes a mean Manhattan. I might argue that it is Plato’s ideal of a bar. In my 20s, it was the setting of many nights with all different groups of friends. We’d get drinks, play pool, and sit around talking and playing Prince on the jukebox until 2am. It was both a comforting and exciting environment and so much FUN was had there.

We are losing bars as gathering places, and we don’t have a replacement. Bars are great equalizers, open to folks of all abilities, bodies, and skill levels. Except kids- kids aren’t allowed, thank God. Surrounded by other humans, you have the sense of community and the opportunity to meet someone interesting. Vibes can be cozy, like Cheers, upscale, giving you an excuse to get dressed, or dive-y, where you can leave an important message on the bathroom stall. People can come in and out on their own schedule. There is no need to perform. The only purpose is connection.

Tell me the other activities that check all these boxes. The truth is that young people are not replacing bars with pottery classes or sports leagues. They’re replacing them with screens. The gathering space is disappearing and we don’t have a substitute.

The Permission to Be Unproductive

This move toward puritanical values discounts the value of joy and connection that alcohol can provide, and has provided, for many centuries. If I hear one more wellness influencer say there is no safe amount of alcohol, I’ll lose my mind. There is also no safe amount of driving, yet we choose to do it because the risk is worth the reward.

Indeed, there are risks to drinking. Various studies suggest that women who had about one drink per day had a roughly 10-16% increased risk of breast cancer compared with non-drinkers. I am all for cutting back if you are currently drinking a lot, or you feel like drinking is in any way detracting from you life.

But some of the best nights of my life would not have happened without alcohol. Sitting around a campfire at a bedouin tent on a trip to Israel, swigging from a bottle of bourbon and flirting with the trip leader, my now husband. Cocktails and dancing at a bar in Fire Island with 8 girlfriends to celebrate my 27th birthday. Hosting a farewell party at my house in Oakland, the neighborhood kids up way past their bedtimes, combining my different friend groups and crying about leaving a community I loved.

I know the argument I’m going to hear- “but Claire, you can stay out for hours talking, dancing, and watching the sunrise sober!” I suppose I COULD, but I most likely WOULDN’T. And I think on some level we all know that.

The centenarians in the Blue Zones drink wine and sake regularly. My 81 year old dad is the picture of health and still enjoys a martini a couple times a week. My aunt and uncle enjoy “Gracious Living” a few times a week, aka cocktails on their back porch with their neighbors.

They understand something that the wellness influencers don’t: if something brings you genuine joy, it’s probably contributing to your longevity.

Joy itself is protective.

The puritanical math only counts risk and never counts reward and I don’t buy that narrative.

Drinking is not something we do because it is good for us, or because it is optimal for our health and bodies and longevity. We do it because it’s fun. And while I don’t agree that “hangovers are good for you,” as argued in this reel by Esquire Editor-in-Chief Michael Sebastian, I do agree that “a hangover means you chose experience over productivity,” and that can definitely be a good thing.

What drinking well has given me:

• First kisses

• Honest conversations about grief, love, dreams and desires.

• The taste of a wine that transported me to a feeling of nostalgia for a time I couldn’t name

• A Sonoma winery that allowed kids and dogs to wander and play while adults sipped cold rose in the shade

• A hoppy, dank IPA enjoyed on a rock in the middle of a lake in Vermont

• A glass of champagne paired with oysters to celebrate New Years Eve in Paris on my honeymoon

• An Aperol spritz on a patio in Sardinia

• Courage to break the ice and be the first to sing karaoke at a work retreat

• The permission to waste time, together, with no agenda beyond being there

• A practice in moderation-learning how to consume mindfully, and noticing where “enough” lives in my body

  

Of course drinking is not for everyone. If you choose not to drink, for whatever reason, that is the right choice for you. And the numbers are real- I’m not arguing against the data or trying to claim that alcohol is actually a health food. I am arguing against the certainty, the one-sidedness, and the judgemental attitude that I am seeing take hold, assuming that the only wise position is abstention, and that joy doesn’t count. It does, and always will.

I am not the girl playing drinking games on the porch anymore. Ok maybe I am just a little- I played flip-cup for the first time in years at a party recently- but I know where the line is now. I’m drinking less now than I probably ever have.

Somewhere over the last 20 years, I learned that alcohol isn’t one thing. Yes, it can be an escape, but it can also be a revelation. It can be an excuse to stay at the table one more hour, to say the thing you wouldn’t have said sober, to talk to someone new or get deeper with someone old, and to mold a night into a memory.

The movement toward abstention gets some things right. But in its certainty, it misses what the Blue Zones Centenarians know and what my dad knows and what I learned over the years- balance isn’t found in the all-or-nothing or being “good” all the time. It’s found in the gray areas, the imperfect striving, and in having your vices, but keeping them in check.

Can’t wait to hear your thoughts on this subject… Comment on substack or reply directly to me!

Another practice video and ritual coming your way soon.

xo

Claire

So I spend a lot of time on a newsletter for this week.

And then I realized it didn’t land or make sense for this season we are in (Height of summer, end of July, Leo season, it’s my birthday in less than two weeks you have it on your calendar, yes?)

So instead, I’m just going to remind you of my existence and share a playlist.

My existence: I am heading back to the East Coast next week- Maine via Boston. Excited to revisit a New England summer. Otherwise, I am teaching my Mondays 4pm and Friday 11am Vinyasa at The Circle. I also have additional locations where I will be starting in September. (More on that soon.)

I also have been posting a lot on Instagram so I appreciate your support (likes, comments and shares) over there. One way I have been thinking about Instagram- when I see someone talking about an idea that I wish more people would take to heart, I share it. Just press that little re-post button. A small but easy way to help shape the world we live in.

And the playlist- This week I subbed for a class at The Circle called Groove & Sculpt. You know, dancing around with weights. Did you know I had that in me? Guys, it was really fun and also comical to bring my chill demeanor (if you know me you know) to trying to keep these ladies psyched up through their reps. But naturally I had a bomb playlist, (more upbeat and dance-y than I usually go) and I do love me some weight training, so I think it was a pretty good time overall.

Ok thats all for now. I will have more in depth essays, and videos, coming your way after MY BIRTHDAY (sorry yes I am a Leo.) In the meantime write me back whenever you want to chat. I would love to hear from you.

xo

Claire

I know you have been there. As a society, we have romanticized the idea of staying in our comfort zone and never feeling an unpleasant emotion like boredom, frustration, or even fear. Order your groceries from the comfort of your home. Specify to your Uber driver that you are not interested in conversation. Cancel those plans, let ChatGPT write for you, and scroll Instagram when you are bored. We are constantly being presented with ways to make our life frictionless and avoid the messy, awkward, and potentially painful moments in life. But the comfort that we are so good at manufacturing is actually the thing causing so many of us to shrink and lose our sense of meaning.

Our ancestors had subjectively harder lives than we do. When an easy option appeared, taking it wasn’t laziness, it was survival. Skip the hunt today and you might not eat. But now we live in a world where easy is the default. We don’t forage or harvest, so we drive to a 45-minute workout and call it enough. We don’t actually face banishment from the tribe, so we post on Instagram and obsess over likes. We don’t sit in silence waiting to hunt our prey, instead we fill every gap with sound. The result is that we’ve gotten very good at one kind of hard (optimized, sweaty, studied, and scheduled) and very bad at every other kind.

In yoga, the idea of Tapas means literally to heat or to burn in order to cause transformation. To sit in the fire and see what emerges. In order to practice tapas, you must first figure out how to generate this heat inside yourself. You can do this literally, with a challenging physical practice (sauna, yoga, running, or one of my favorites: Lagree Pilates — that shit burns). But it goes way beyond that. You know when you do the scary thing, the awkward thing, the thing you’ve been avoiding and you literally feel your heart rate increase, your cheeks flush, and your chest get hot? This is the true sense of the word Tapas.

Without sitting in the fire of discomfort, the dead vegetation can’t be cleared away for the new growth. In other words, you have to do the hard thing if you want to be the best version of yourself.

This week, take the Tapas Test:

1. Get honest: What’s on YOUR real list?
   Here’s mine:

   • Not checking Instagram multiple times throughout the day

   • Walking into gyms in person to ask about teaching yoga there

   • Putting another retreat or workshop on the calendar

   • Taking a dance class at The Circle

   • Ugh do I need to add more? I don’t want to.

2. Pick one thing — not the easiest one, not the hardest one. One that has been on the list for a while.

3. Do it this week and report back.

Other Tapas Recommendations:

• Speaking of forest fires, did you see Train Dreams? I know it was Oscar nominated but I think it flew under the radar and a lot of people didn’t see it. Possibly my top movie from last year (to be fair I don’t see a ton) but if you like a visually stunning, beautifully rendered slice of life that delivers a quiet emotional wallop, prioritize this one. I preferred it to Hamnet which I just watched on the plane (and admittedly cried the whole way through but that alone does not make a movie great- pretty sure I cried at Click.) Apologies for the extremely behind the ball movie talk.

• One of my favorite books about throwing yourself into the fire is Sorry I’m Late, I Didn’t Want To Come by Jessica Pan. (I actually listened to it.) Jessica is an introvert who pushes herself to extrovert through increasingly terrifying steps (talking to strangers, making a new friend, stand-up comedy, TED talk) and we get to be along for the ride. The growth she experiences is huge, and she is also hilarious.

• This post really resonated with me. It’s helping me connect with my purpose in all this mishigas (instagram, substack, even yoga.)

Other updates

I am in the midst of an online “bootcamp” with one of my favorite creators and thinkers, Dan Koe (this a good video to start with if you’re interested in him- I also listen on Spotify) and it is expanding my mind about what this newsletter could evolve into. I would so appreciate your feedback if you have been watching the yoga practice, or if you have been using the journal prompts or reflecting at all beyond the 4 minutes to read the piece (no worries if not, considering that is how we consume 99% of content these days.) Let me know what your favorite part has been, or if you have anything you would love to see.

If you have a preferred day for the practice/prompts/newsletter that would bring it top of mind when you have time for it, let me know that too. My schedule has been off because summer but I’m hoping to get on a more consistent pace again soon.

Hope you’re enjoying some outdoor dining and bodies of water.

xo

Claire

I was giddy. But I needed a plan. Within ten minutes of them pulling out of the driveway, I had smoked a little weed and started tidying. The productive kind. The kind where you finally tackle the junk drawer. I caught myself and thought: hell no. I was not going to spend this precious, rare, quiet evening cleaning the damn house.

Eva had said it on her way out the door: “You should take a bath!” Brilliant. The things my kids teach me.

So I raided the fridge. I put together the girliest girl of all the girl dinners: two cheeses (one hard, one soft), sliced cucumbers, purple cabbage, kohlrabi (a new fave) and red peppers with tajin, pickled string beans, olives, and a glass of Louis Jadot Pouilly Fuisse. I mean, come on. Is that luxury or what?

Then I drew the bath. Lit the candles. Body scrubs. Towels within reach. I lowered myself in and reached up with a dry hand for a piece of cheese. For about thirty seconds, I just paid attention to my body.

And then my brain started doing what brains do.

I sat up to take a picture of my legs in the tub. Good content. I lay back down. Then I had an idea for a Substack piece (not this one.) I wondered if Siri could take dictation. “Hey Siri.” Silence. (I was relieved. I was pretty sure I turned that nosy bitch off.) I did not like the song that had come on, so I dried my hands and skipped it. Then I lay back down. Then I thought about something else I should probably write down.

This went on for a while.

When I finally surrendered to the hot water, I understood something: taking a bath is exactly like yoga. It is a chance to be present with the sensations in your body and notice the tendencies of your monkey mind. And my monkey mind was loud. It wanted to produce, optimize. It wanted to make sure I did not waste this evening by just lying there.

That is the paradox. I got exactly what I had been craving: silence, solitude, no one needing me. And my first instinct was to fill it.

I don’t think I’m alone in this. How many of us finally get an hour to ourselves and spend it folding laundry while listening to a podcast about productivity? How many of us book the massage and spend the whole time trying so hard to stay present? We are so conditioned to do that receiving feels like failing.

But a bath doesn’t let you perform. You can’t be good at a bath. You can’t optimize a bath. You just have to be in it.

Hot water is my jam. When I was in labor with Eva, a hot shower relieved the pain about 75% and completely slowed down my progress. I guess when Eva felt the tension leaving my body, she figured she could stay a little longer. I have never met a hot spring, scalding shower, or hot tub I didn’t love.

So why don’t I take baths? Truly, what’s wrong with me?

In yoga philosophy, the five elements live within each of us, and water is the one that teaches us to stop trying to wrestle everything into place. A stream doesn’t worry about the rock in its path. It knows it will get where it’s going. Stillness takes practice, and surrender. It is a skill. And like any skill, you have to choose it over and over before it starts to feel natural.

I am now a bath convert. Here are my top bath tips if you are thinking of dipping your toe in. (heh)

• Stop waiting for the perfect window. Twenty minutes is enough. You do not need the whole evening, just hot water and a door that closes.

• Remove the phone from the room. Or at least make sure Siri is off and the temptation to grab a quick picture for content is not within arm’s reach. Take the photo before you get in, then put the phone in the other room.

• Give yourself a sensory bridge. For me it was the cheese and wine. Something to engage the senses while your nervous system gets the memo that we are not producing anything right now. The transition from doing to being needs a ramp, not a cliff. A body scrub, a cold drink, playlist or a scented candle all work. If you feel your mind racing, bring your attention back to that and the feeling of the hot water on your skin.

• Notice the first three things your mind reaches for. When I got still, my brain went: content, business idea, wrong song, to do list, content again. Noticing is the practice of Svadhyaya (self knowledge.) Don’t notice to judge, notice to learn something new about yourself.

• Do it again before you forget how it felt. This is the one I am worst at. I had a transcendent bath experience and then promptly went weeks without another one. Time doesn’t need to be made, it just exists. Every moment we are choosing between an infinite number of ways to spend it. I am adding baths to my mindfulness practice.

What is the thing you keep not giving yourself, even though you know it works? The walk, the bath, the twenty minutes of silence, the phone-off dinner? What would it take to receive it this week?

Here is your promised playlist:

With love,
Claire

Water is the oldest medicine. We all know we should be staying hydrated — how many New Year’s resolutions have I made about drinking more water? But there is new evidence showing a direct link between hydration and biological aging. An NIH study found that adults who stay well-hydrated appear to be healthier, develop fewer chronic conditions, and live longer than those who may not get sufficient fluids. Those who were less hydrated had up to a 64% increased associated risk for developing chronic diseases like heart failure, stroke, atrial fibrillation, chronic lung disease, diabetes, and dementia. What more evidence do you need to go refill your water bottle?

I posted on Instagram this week about the Blue Space Effect, which is what scientists call the mental and physical health benefits of being around bodies of water — from oceans and streams to park water features. Just 20–30 minutes of exposure to blue spaces has been shown to reduce cortisol levels, lower heart rate variability, and decrease blood pressure. If you live near the ocean or a river, take a detour this week to spend a little extra time sitting by, looking at, and listening to these beautiful blue spaces.

And lastly — soak in it. Despite all the hype around sauna, I was surprised to learn that soaking in a hot tub has actually been shown to have MORE benefits. Soaking lowers blood pressure, activates parts of the immune system, and gradually improves how the body handles heat stress. Personally I find it much more enjoyable, and I’ve been soaking in the hot tub here in Fire Island. I actually took a bath a few weeks ago for the first time in ages and wrote about it — I might share that later this week. And hot springs are my FAVE. Specifically Esalen and Indian Springs, two of my favorite places in California. Please share any recommendations for hot springs accessible from LA.

That’s what I’ll leave you with for this water week. Hope you had a wonderful 4th of July weekend. I’ll be returning to 2 newsletters/week and will have lots of fun surprises for you. I’ve got your playlist coming later this week my friends. Please share this with anyone you think would love some free yoga practices!

xoxo

Claire

Other ways to connect with me:

• Follow me on Instagram

• If you’re in LA, book a private or group yoga class

• Ask me for a guest pass to come take a class at The Circle in Burbank

I’m in NY at the moment and on vacation, so I’m keeping this brief. You can see I filmed this week’s practice on the beach, please excuse my pained facial expressions- I should have worn sunglasses but was too lazy to walk back to the house to get them.

I hope you can find the 20 minutes for this practice- it’s not complicated but it will hopefully challenge you just enough. As always, when you are tempted to get out of chair, or speed through the practice and skip savasana, experiment with sticking with it. The gifts lie on the other side of discomfort.

No playlist this week (sorry) just this one song that I have had in my head and is such an anthem- “I’m the only one I should adore!” Tell it Sinead.

Lastly- book recommendation that I read within 24 hours on the way out here:

Have you ever finished a book that left you so moved that you don’t want to start another because you know there is no way it could be as good? You feel like you are cheating on the characters by getting involved with new ones? That is how I felt when I finished Heart the Lover by Lily King. The story and characters are so specific, yet felt universal. Part I created a world that was very familiar to me- college relationships and love triangles, drinking and playing cards, falling in love, struggling with a long distance relationship. But it’s the way the book moves through time as it continues that makes it such a gut punch. I don’t want to tell you too much about this book- I went in knowing nothing and I feel like that’s the best way. I’ll just say this- it left me feeling extremely receptive and present with the beauty of my life. Could you ask for anything more from a book? As one of her professors quotes from The Aeneid, “Someday we will remember even these our hardships with pleasure.” I cried a lot reading this book but I wish I could experience it all over again. Just like life.

Hope you can take that feeling of gratitude and presence into your week and Fourth of July festivities!

xo

Claire

This week we move the final and most difficult to grasp element- Space. It encompasses all the rest. It is expansive and limitless. Whereas Air moves, blows, affects (as I wrote about on Thursday- it can carry weight,) space is weightless, still and empty. When I think about creating a ritual to explore space, I think about noticing. Watching your thoughts instead of gripping on to them and getting lost in them. Finding distance from your distractions. Being instead of doing.

Though it can feel like the most esoteric of the elements, it’s also the most important. It is what underlies all the others. We’ve spent the last month grounding ourselves, releasing control, setting intentions, and tapping into our creativity. Now we are going to practice putting down the to do list, not striving for anything, and simply existing. The yoga practice this week is a slow, yin style practice that will help you drop into the Space element and simply BE.

One of my favorite books on this topic is 4,000 Weeks by Oliver Burkeman. Burkeman was obsessed with productivity- reading every book on the subject, trying every hack to get more done. At some point he realized that the to-do list would literally never be all checked off, that the more he maximized his output the more would get added to the list. (Makes me think of the troubling studies about the use of AI not actually reducing people’s workload but just creating higher expectations for productivity.)

At some point I have to accept there is no future date when I’ll finally be caught up, or figure it out, or be “healed.” Burkeman put it this way: “the paradoxical reward for accepting reality’s constraints is that they no longer feel so constraining.” I used to have a joke with my friends that we would do XYZ once we were “established.” Even then we knew this was an imaginary moment that would never come.

This week let’s find the space between the items on the list, stop trying to optimize ourselves, and just be. What’s left when you do is the only thing that is real- this moment.

I’ll admit this week of Space is well timed for me- I’m heading on vacation to my happy place, Fire Island, and I am going to somewhat log off. I won’t be sending my mid-week missive. I know you are going to miss it! So take the 5 minutes you would have spent reading that and instead to do something from the list below.

• Journal Prompt: This week let’s start a gratitude practice. Either when you wake up in the morning or right before bed, list 3 things you are grateful for.

• As long as we are talking about Space, I have to link my favorite astronaut’s musings.

• Try this exercise to find space- next time you take a shower, see if you can spend the whole shower noticing the physical sensations of the hot water, the scents of the soap, the sounds around you. As thoughts arise, notice that you are thinking. Enjoy your shower as a moving meditation.

• Take a walk without your phone. 15, 20 minutes. Similarly to the shower, spend the walk noticing how your body feels in space, what you hear and see, and try your best to be fully present.

When they are at peace, all is well in the world. The older girl reads to the younger one. They play together. They snuggle on the couch. They choreograph a dance to perform to an entire dinner party of adults, and in that moment I am glowing and emotional. Do you see these gorgeous, perfect children? I want to ask. Can you believe they exist? The peace is such a delicate gift.

It was a lip gloss that caused the crumbling of the peace this time around. The older one found one that she claims is hers. The younger one swears it’s hers. She swears on her life.

“Please don’t say that,” I say. “Don’t swear on your life.”

“Why?” she asks.

“Because that means you’re saying you will die if it’s not true.”

“But it is true. So I swear on my life.”

“Well, I don’t want to think of you dying, so please don’t say it.”

“Well, she won’t give it back to me.”

The lip gloss that sat lonely in a drawer for at least six months is now the hottest commodity in our house.

Then, while shopping with the older one, I bought the younger one a little heart locket — a preemptive peace offering. Yes, your sister got some new clothes, but look at this adorable necklace we just got for you. If a tiny object can shatter the peace, one should be able to keep it too, right? Wrong. She was not impressed.

The beautiful moments are worth all the rest, but the cruelty that comes out when they’re fighting is something I was not prepared for as a mother. They tell each other they hate each other regularly. That word was forbidden in my house growing up. We said things like, “I don’t care for that outfit.” “I would prefer not to go to Hebrew school.” “I don’t particularly like AP Calculus.” So I started making them pay twenty-five cents every time they use the word “hate,” and it seems to be helping. But I know they will find other ways to injure each other’s little hearts, and it breaks mine every time they do.

Words carry weight, and I’m trying to get this through their heads.

I swear on my life.

• I’m really enjoying offering private sessions and would like to do more! Yoga tailored to your needs, your strength and flexibility level, your goals… It is so fulfilling to help people reconnect with their bodies and I’d love to work with more folks in the area. Does this sound interesting to you and are you in LA? Let’s chat.

• I’m also open to requests for my videos. Do you love the yin/restorative? Looking for a strengthening practice incorporating weights? Let me know and I can create it!

xo

Claire

The problem is that inner critic. Judgmental Judy is what I call her. (Naming your inner voices is a fun project for another day.) That’s why The Artists Way has us write Morning Pages- pure stream of consciousness, no editing, no criticizing.

This week we move to the Air element- which to me is the opposite of grounded, and that’s the point. Air is where inspiration and creativity lives. Don’t ground your ideas in reality yet, let them be unrealistic, light and fun.

Notice the word “inspiration” literally means “to breathe in.” In yoga, prana isn’t just breath, it’s your life force. Pranayama is moving your life energy with intention and using your breath to lift yourself up or calm yourself down. The practice I share this week is a simple pranayama practice that you can use every day to bring you into the present and into your body.

This week, look for inspiration in your day to day life. Create in whatever medium calls to you. Here are few of the Basic Principles from The Artists Way to inspire you:

1. Creativity is the natural order of life. Life is energy: pure creative energy.

2. There is an underlying, in-dwelling creative force infusing all of life- including ourselves.

3. Creativity is God’s gift to us. Using our creativity is our gift back to God.

4. As we open our creative channel to the creator, many gentle but powerful changes are to be expected.

5. Our creative dreams and yearnings come from a divine source. As we move toward our dreams, we move toward our divinity.

My invitation to you is to give yourself 15 minutes to write- set a timer, this time it is important to really keep writing without stopping for the whole time, even if you just write “I don’t know what to write.” Answer the question- If you could bring anything into the world from nothing, what would it be? Let it be a repository of ideas- no matter how out there or ungrounded they may be. Don’t put any artificial or “real” constraints on this exercise. Let your inspiration guide you.

Other suggestions and resources for the week:

• Can you become more aware of your breath this week as you feel emotions arise, and use it to regulate and get you through difficult moments? I love this post for some ways to be more in touch with this miraculous tool that we all have access to at every moment.

• Do you have art supplies in your house? Maybe your kids do? Create an area designated for your creative materials and organize them. Or go to Micheals or Blick and get a few items that inspire you for the summer. We just stocked up on a set of acrylic paints, some wooden boards, and Perler beads from Micheals to mitigate some of those “I’m bored” moments. A simple watercolor set and watercolor pad is a great place to start for a complete art newbie.

• The Air Playlist this week is not meant for yoga but could be a great soundtrack to painting or writing. Some of my fave indie girls on there.

• If accessing your creativity and inspiration is a goal for you this summer, some of these books could help: The Artists Way (duh), The Creative Act, The Book of Alchemy -this one I have not read but it keeps coming up for me so on the list for the summer- like The Artists Way I believe it is more of a workbook.

  

  I look forward to hearing your reflection or seeing what you create- let me know your outlandish and wild ideas!

xo

Claire

As I prompted in our Fire Ritual this weekend, now is the perfect time to ask: what is this summer going to be about? For me, deepening friendships, creating memorable moments for my family and friends, being present with my parents and my kids, and growing my network. So much of how I want to spend my time is relationship based. (I’m still trying to figure out how to get paid for being myself, having meaningful conversations and making new friends. Let me know the trick for that in the comments.)

The challenge is finding a balance of productive, creative and rejuvenating time for myself and also being able to be fully present with my kids. As I write this, Natalie is taking my phone to watch videos of Eva’s graduation and Eva is asking me to fix a pen that she got to write us letters from sleepaway camp. There are many days that I don’t have them in camp, telling myself they can entertain themselves playing games or swimming while I get some work done (HAHA) and then we can go do a fun activity or explore a new part of the city. A more likely scenario is I spend the morning breaking up fights and tantrums, and then get out of the house 2 hours later than planned and drag them to some museum and we all leave feeling depleted. So I’m working on releasing a little bit of control and allowing some days for them to sit and veg out on the couch watching tv. I definitely spent a few days of summer that way as a kid and if they do IT WILL BE OK.

As far as my “to feel” list, I want to feel confident, aligned, free and brimming with creative energy. Plans:

• The Circle Block Party

• LACMA Block Party

• Discover new neighborhoods in Los Angeles

• Swim in 2 oceans

• Eat at Top of the Bay in Cherry Grove

• Play darts at The Albatross in Ocean Beach

• Have a late night dinner in Brooklyn

• See a Broadway show

• Sweat in the subway

• Host good friends for long afternoons by the pool

• Watch a movie in Hollywood Cemetery

• Music festival in Pasadena

• Descanso Gardens

• Show my kids my freshman year dorm

• New England in August

• Lots of panzanella salads

• Lots of ice cream

• Will Rogers beach

• Read a lot of books

• Paint with the girls

• Wear the bikini

My habit for the next five weeks: at least one reach-out per week to someone I don’t see enough, to make real in-person plans. Almost everything on that list up there requires a date. What's yours? Tell me in the comments so we can check in together at fire week and see how we’re doing.

xo

Claire

This week we explore the element of fire. In yoga, fire brings to mind Tapas — the Niyama that invites us to light our internal flame. What are we showing up for consistently, even when it takes effort? Can we sit with discomfort, not bolt when things get hard? This week’s asana practice is a bit more challenging and will hopefully turn on that inner furnace. If you tend to take a break the second things get hard, see if you can push yourself to stick with it just a little bit longer this week.

This fire theme is also landing on the last week of school for LAUSD, and summer energy is in the air. As temps rise outside, we tend to turn the intensity down on the inside. Summer is for fun, joy, relaxation, and rest — and I hope you have lots of that in the cards for yourselves over the next three months.

But before you fully exhale, I want to invite you to take a few minutes this week to get your house in order. Think of it as a mini New Year intention setting. What do you want to feel this summer? What is this summer all about for you? Keep the lens short — June, July, August. What would it take for you to look back in September and say, this is exactly the summer I needed?

Shall we take it one step further? Once you have your vision of your ideal summer, ask yourself: is there one small habit that would support the feelings you’re looking to cultivate? Maybe it’s a morning walk, a weekly swim or ten minutes of journaling?

If you want to commit to that habit in public, in community, let us know in the comments. As usual, I’ll be sharing my summer vision and commitments on Wednesday. We can support each other along the way. In five weeks we’ll return to fire week and check in on our goals and our new habits.

A couple random recs:

• If you’re looking for easy but impactful healthy habits, check out this podcast with the Glucose Goddess. I guess I’m late to the party on this (it’s from 2024) but she provides simple, actionable steps to lower your glucose spikes- which reduces the risk of so many ailments ranging from wrinkles and PCOS to Heart Disease and Alzheimer’s.

• You know what requires discipline? Getting your kid to put on sunscreen. I’ve got a couple hacks for you to try this summer. If you have a tween who’d be into it, get your kid a product in cute packaging like this set from Evereden and then, it’s “skincare.” Then, get a makeup brush and use it to apply face sunscreen. This works amazing for all ages, it feels nice and it makes life so much easier.

xoxo

Claire

About eleven years ago, when my oldest was a newborn, I was struggling. Sleep was not really happening and I had never been more exhausted in my life. She was insatiable and wanted to nurse pretty much every two hours around the clock. Emotionally I was rocked- recovering from the trauma of childbirth, mourning the person I was. I felt like a shadow of myself, about to go back to work, no life except nursing and trying to sleep when the baby sleeps.

We were desperate for some kind of “solution” to the terrible nights. I bought tons of books, online courses, and asked everyone for tips. I tried multiple gentle sleep training methods. I couldn’t bring myself to fully let her cry it out. It felt like exhaustion was just my new life, that I would never know what it feels like to be well rested again. I was sure I was doing something wrong and that I would eventually solve the problem.

Spoiler alert: I didn’t “figure it out.” What ended up happening is that ever so slowly, we’d get longer stretches of sleep. We’d have a good stretch and then revert. Some tactics helped a little bit- until they didn’t. But little by little we started getting more and more sleep. And one day, without fanfare, I realized that those struggles were over.

Now I have an eleven-year-old who lets me sleep as late as I want. The point is, however much I tried to control and “fix” the situation, in the end I can’t tell you which of my actions finally saved the day. It just worked itself out. With my second daughter, I had a different perspective. She also was not a great sleeper, but I knew that it was just a short blip of time. I was able to approach the challenge with more surrender and equanimity, trusting that it would work itself out and in due time I’d be sleeping again. Listen- it’s not a phase I’d volunteer to relive. But with that level of trust that I was on the right path, I was able to enjoy it a lot more, despite the exhaustion.

So now I’m compelled to ask: Where in my life right now am I grasping for a “solution” where I’d be better served by relaxing and enjoying the ride? The answer smacked me in the face last week. I had one of those “what am I even doing?” moments with my business- maybe you’ve been there too. It was a double whammy of rejections: not a single sign-up for a yoga class I hosted at my house, and a pass from my favorite yoga studio where I have been trying to pick up a class or sub. I realize that there are so many factors that affect both these things and that it doesn’t mean I’m “failing,” but for a minute there it stung.

This water week was so well timed. Reflecting on those early newborn struggles gives me hope as I nurse this “baby” of building a business around my strengths and my passions. The path isn’t clear to me right now, but I have faith that if I keep going, one day I’ll look back amazed at how far I’ve come. Maybe ten years from now I’ll reflect on this uncertain, uncomfortable time, and recognize it for what it was: the difficult newborn phase of starting my own thing.

I’m loving those elementary school years.

In good news, Sunday’s Chakra Yoga Workshop with Dr. Or was magical. We grounded into our root chakra, emotions were released, tears were shed. After a rough week, it made me feel so much better to guide these beautiful humans into yin and restorative poses where they could release fully. Can’t wait to do more workshops with Dr. Or- stay tuned for a “mini-retreat” we are planning where we will feed you a delicious meal after the session!

And for the water themed bonus you didn’t know you needed: Here’s 2 Hours of Squid

xoxo

Claire

How often do we desperately grip on to an idea, a story, an identity or a person as a way to feel that we have control? I often reference the yogic concept of Aparigraha, non-grasping, in my classes. What can you let go of, what tension can you release, as you trust and surrender to what is instead of what you want to be true.

Here is the water playlist for your practice (or your commute, or walk, or whatevs)

Yung Pueblo
as she looked into her past, she noticed that
the road she had traveled was no simple
straight line. her journey toward fully loving
herself and the world was full of forward and
backward movement, twists, turns, detours,
and even some pauses.
at times, she doubted her progress, her
potential, and even her power to change. but
today, with the wisdom of experience at
hand, she knows she could not have gotten
to where she is without every movement she
has ever made.

Suggestions for this week:

• I did a Neurographic Art class this week and it was a great exercise in releasing control. If you have watercolors, use them to evoke the flowy water element as you release pent up stress and emotions onto the page!

• Start practicing cue-assisted body relaxing. For instance, when you are driving and hit a red light, use it a cue to do a quick body scan and release your jaw or your shoulders. Other cues could be picking up your phone, or taking a sip of water. Allow your body to let go as often as possible (without peeing in your pants 🤣)

• Journal Prompt: Think back to your life 10 years ago. What felt like it might break you- the thing that kept you up at night? Now look at it from here. Did you solve it the way you anticipated? Or did it resolve in some way you couldn’t have imagined- maybe through time, space, or release? Where in your life right now are you holding on so tightly? What would happen if you loosened your grip, even a little bit? I’ll be sharing my response to this one on Wednesday! As always, happy to hear from you if you want to share.

Lastly, if you are in LA, there is still space in our Chakra Yoga Workshop in Burbank tomorrow! No experience necessary for this one, and you will leave feeling grounded and refreshed. Hope to see you there!

xo

Claire

What does it feel like to be ungrounded? Moving brings this up for me. Over the last twenty years, I have lived in ten different homes in four different cities- five if you count Brooklyn and Manhattan as two. A new place feels exciting, but it does not feel grounded.

For me, feeling grounded means having a home set up how I want it, a space that feels like mine. It’s also having community, friends or family nearby.

Two years ago, I moved from Oakland to LA. One silver lining of the pandemic was a tight-knit group of Oakland neighbors - a neighborhood WhatsApp group with 100+ members, and within that, a Montclair Mamas text thread with 18 women. Shout out to you ladies if you’re reading this- I miss you!

What made that community so special wasn’t just the friendships- it was the whole ecosystem. Yes I had my closest friends who would come over for dinner with their kids on a weeknight, or go on a weed gummy hike with me and possibly get lost in Redwood Regional park. But it was also the parents of my kids’ classmates I’d see every morning at drop off, the neighbors I’d chat with when walking the dog, the people I’d run into at the Farmers Market. That layered web of close ties, middle tier connections and peripheral acquaintances all in the same physical space, that is what real community is made of. TBH having kids makes this somewhat easier to build because you have the ready made structure of the school, but its available to anyone willing to put in the effort.

Leaving that community was the hardest part of the move. I decided I would build something new in LA- and fast. I came in hot, thinking I’d throw a party to connect my neighbors- poor them, they can’t possibly know what it’s like to have a great neighborhood crew- I’d be their savior! Turns out I didn’t have to worry. There was already a group text, an annual block party on my street. I’m so grateful for that.

Let’s be real. Community takes time to build. You can’t rush friendship, or connection, or even recognizing the dog owners in your park. These things only happen when you’ve experience the texture of a place for a while. That being said, effort yields results, and you can be deliberate and intentional in how you move through your world. In Jess Gross’ latest, wonderful, newsletter, she talks about how we are growing more and more distrustful of our neighbors, with tragic results for our children. Having that chat with your neighbor is pushing back against the broader cultural pattern of disconnection.

So how do you put roots down somewhere new, and what strategies to you use to intentionally create community? Here are some of my ideas, and I’d love to hear yours. I’m committing to at least one this week. Can you?

• Learn the name of your local barista or the owner of your favorite shop in your neighborhood.

• Invite your closest neighbors over for a low lift, casual cocktail hour.

• Or invite your neighbors for coffee and yoga on Friday morning. (see below)

• Start a book club (or a Mah Jongg group if you want to be like everyone else.)

• Borrow something (sugar, a sander, a folding table) from your neighbor and return the favor.

• Ask someone new if they can take your kids for a few hours or offer to do it for someone else.

• Have a conversation with someone on your street. This is easiest if one or both of you have a dog… but I challenge you all!

Please reply to this email with any other ideas or let me know how it goes for you.

In case you missed it, this weekend I have two opportunities to do yoga together in person:

• Friday, May 29th from 9-10am - Another backyard Vinyasa in Valley Village. Community Building! Reserve your spot.

• Sunday, May 31st from 9:30-11:00am for a Chakra Yoga workshop facilitated with my friend and incredible human Dr. Or. We will be paying special attention to the Root Chakra so this will compliment this Earth ritual wonderfully!

And your bonus- a summery panzanella salad I brought to a Memorial Day BBQ last weekend. First panzanella of the summer! 🎉🍅

This yoga practice is slow, nourishing and deliberate- you never even have to stand up. If you are resistant to slowing down, making space and being quiet with your mind… this probably means you need it more than you think. It’s only 30 minutes, and I promise your nervous system and body will thank you. You can do the practice in silence but if you need a little something something, try this Earth Playlist on Spotify.

Suggestions for the week:

• Who are the people in your life who offer you unconditional support? Make a list. Can you call at least one of them (or better yet spend time with them in person) and express your gratitude to them?

• Pack a picnic, grab a blanket and go to the nearest park. Take your shoes off and get your feet in the grass.

• Journal prompt- Set a 10 minute timer and write without stopping. Even better if you can do this outside. Continue to explore the aspect or aspects of your life feels the most solid, dependable and safe at this point in your life? It could be your career, or a person or pet, or a place or habit. Journal on the feelings that this aspect of your life brings up for you. It can be positive or negative- just get it all out.

  

  In case you missed it:

• In the L.A. area? Two opportunities to practice with me in person (even if you aren’t yet a member of The Circle where I regularly teach!)

  • Friday, May 29th from 9-10am - Another backyard Vinyasa in Valley Village. And this time my neighbor said she’d ask the gardeners to hold off 🤣 Reserve your spot.

  • Sunday, May 31st from 9:30-11:00am for a Chakra Yoga workshop facilitated with my friend and incredible human Dr. Or. We will be paying special attention to the Root Chakra so this will compliment this Earth ritual wonderfully!

Have you guys seen those videos of parents encouraging and coaching their kids to achieve physical feats — like this one of a 3-year-old jumping up on a 16” box?

The first fall looks painful, and I know every parent watching is flinching — but the mom is super calm and steady, nurturing but not letting her daughter give up. Most of the comments on videos like these are positive, but of course there are those who think she’s pushing too hard. Leave that baby alone.

This exact tension is what parenting — both our children and ourselves — is all about.

In yoga philosophy, the five elements live within each of us and shape how we move through the world. When I look at how I parent, and frankly how I relate to everyone in my life including myself, I can trace every instinct back to one of them.

Earth is stable, consistent, unconditional love and support. It can be the slog of parenting — the routines, the tedium, the showing up. But it is so powerful to provide the soil for our children and our relationships to grow.

Water is allowing our children to find their own path. I always think of a stream — it doesn’t worry about a rock in its way or a curve in the path. It knows it will get where it’s going.

Fire is drive and discipline. It’s the mom in that video. Ambition, resilience, not quitting when things get hard or uncomfortable.

Air is communication, breath, and regulation. Not being reactive. Being fully present as the purest expression of love.

Space is just that. The container for all of it. Knowing when to say nothing, to allow things to unfold as they will. It’s acting with intuition.

How do you tend to show up in your relationships, or as a parent? What element was out of balance for you as a child? For me, it was an external fire that shaped my formative years. Pushed hard academically — competitive private school, high expectations and pressure around getting into a “good college.” The result was that when the external fire cooled, so did a lot of my momentum. I never got the chance to light that fire within myself.

Many of us bring that fire to our own parenting — and some overcorrect into water: total freedom, no structure or discipline. Most of us swing between the two. The challenge is finding the balance and bringing the element that’s needed in the moment and for the child.

This is relevant even if you don’t have kids. It shows up in your relationships with partners, friends, and most importantly with yourself. Your inner child still needs safety, encouragement to try the hard thing, freedom to get things wrong, and space. How are you parenting that part of yourself?

Yoga teaches that we already have everything we need. That contentment — joy, even — is available to us right now without changing a thing. But that doesn’t mean complacency. You can make conscious choices every day that move you toward the life you want while also knowing you’re not broken in the meantime.

This is what we’ll explore in these rituals. This weekend I’ll send an Earth offering — a Yin/Restorative yoga practice, playlist, and an exploration of how we can bring more groundedness and stability to our lives and relationships.

Links & Updates:

• Parenting hack unlocked- I am sure this is not going to be the last time I will recommend this life-changing book to anyone with a kid under 18. Written by Jonathan Haidt, the author of The Anxious Generation, this book educates our kids and tweens about how our phones addict us, and it frames waiting to get a smart-phone and social media as the rebellious, cool choice. Eva and I have been reading it together and she literally suggested that she take a break from screens until the end of the school year. (!!!)

• In the L.A. area? Two opportunities to practice with me in person (even if you aren’t yet a member of The Circle where I regularly teach!)

  • Friday, May 29th from 9-10am - Another backyard Vinyasa in Valley Village. And this time my neighbor said she’d ask the gardeners to hold off 🤣 Reserve your spot.

  • Sunday, May 31st from 9:30-11:00am for a Chakra Yoga workshop facilitated with my friend and incredible human Dr. Or. We will be paying special attention to the Root Chakra so this will compliment the upcoming Earth ritual wonderfully!

• Physical discomfort is a fact of life and it can actually be good for us. As I was thinking of this balance between listening to your body and also pushing yourself, I was reminded of this Rich Roll Podcast with Jeff Krasno that has fascinating insights about the benefits of certain types of stress.

Have you had a chance to journal on where these element show up for you and where you may be out of balance? I can’t wait to hear your thoughts and where your explorations from this week’s journal prompts take you- feel free to share in the comments! I’m excited go through this journey together as a community.