Are gay-affirming Christians master manipulators of Scripture, or are they serious Bible students?

I remember being critical a few years back. I had racing thoughts that kept me up at night as I considered my entire family becoming LGBTQ affirming, and that without me. I remember how affirming theology was not persuasive when I first encountered the writings.

What about the verses, I thought? What do affirming Christians do with the verses?

More specifically, what about “do not lie with a man as with a woman”? What about “men exchanging natural relations with women and becoming inflamed with lust for one another”? What about “homosexuals not inheriting the kingdom of God” and other pertinent verses? Do we just ignore the six or seven references that speak directly to same-gendered sexual activity? Do we just cover them over with a theological blanket, saying, “Never mind that, friend, God is love and that’s the bottom line”? Is that what we’re doing, sugar-coating verses we have difficulty swallowing?

Or going a step further, are we doing what former president Thomas Jefferson reportedly had done with the Bible in the 19th century?

Jefferson was known as an inventor and tinkerer, and in this case, he was tinkering with the sacred text of God’s Word. Reportedly, the former president “bent over the book, using a razor and scissors to carefully cut out small squares of text. Soon, the book’s words would live in their own book, hand-bound in red leather,” in which he would read during his personal time of contemplation (Blakemore). The Jefferson Bible, as we call it today, was not the whole counsel of God. It was a partial-Bible, a stunted text. This abbreviated Bible showcased Jesus as a moral, ethical teacher, but excluded his supernatural activity. On the chopping block was the Lord’s mighty resurrection, his ascension to heaven, and all of the great miracle stories, such as turning water into wine and multiplying the loaves and the fish. The Jefferson Bible, after all the cutting and snipping and repackaging, focused on the exemplary life and high character of the Son of Man, while completely gutting the rest of the New Testament Gospels.

Is that what gay-affirming Christians are doing with the sacred text, I wondered? Are gay-affirming Christians master innovators and tinkers? Are they taking scissors, much like Jefferson did in 1820, and surgically cutting out certain portions of the Bible - snip, snip, snip - and throwing away the verses they don’t particularly like? Is that how one creates an LGBTQ+ affirming Bible, by promoting a partial, stunted Word of God and holding it out for the public to see?

These were some of the troubling questions I was asking just a few years back. But then, as mentioned, the Spirit of God began moving in my life in unexpected ways. The Lord called and inspired me to read more broadly, which moved the needle for me almost overnight. God also brought amazing LGBTQ+ Christians into my life, not the least of which was my daughter Lydia, showing me that queer people can be conduits of God’s wisdom and grace. Additionally, the Lord began speaking in a variety of ways about his love, his heart, his ardent concern for LGBTQ people. All of this became the backdrop for me reading affirming theology with an open mind.

From there, I couldn’t read the material fast enough! I found the books liberating and hopeful. I found the theological reflections plausible. And as surprising as it was, I found most of the publications written by people who had high regard for the written word of God, as I do; they also cared about getting it right at the end of the day. The following books, therefore, paved the way for me to experience profound theological peace that had previously escaped me. Because of how much these books impacted my journey, I now say, “Please consider reading these books on the front end, and then we’ll have more productive dialogue while exchanging ideas on the back-end.”

Top 10 Reads for Theological Peace:

Scripture, Ethics and the Possibility of Same-Sex Relationships, by Karen Keen

Torn: Rescuing the Gospel from the Gays-Vs-Christians Debate, by Justin Lee

Changing our Mind: Landmark Call for Inclusion of LGBTQ Christians, by David Gushee

The Widening of God’s Mercy: Sexuality Within the Biblical Story, by Christopher Hays and Richard Hays

God and the Gay Christian: The Biblical Case in Support of Same-sex Relationships (revised edition), by Matthew Vines.

A Letter to my Congregation: An Evangelical Pastor’s Path to Embracing People who are Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender into the Company of Jesus, by Ken Wilson

Better Ways to Read the Bible: Transforming a Weapon of Harm into a Tool of Healing, by Zach Lambert

The Sin of Certainty: Why God Desires Our Trust More Than Our “Correct” Beliefs, by Peter Enns

Walking the Bridgeless Canyon: Repairing the Breach Between the Church and the LGBT Community, by Kathy Baldock

Heavy Burdens: Seven Ways LGBTQ Christians Experience Harm in the Church, by Bridget Eileen Rivera.

While I didn’t agree with every point made by the authors above, these books became a meaningful part of our family story. They became conversation starters during walks with our dog. They became like honored guests in our home, discussion leaders around the dining room table.

And interestingly enough, most of the book list presented above were written by authors who had non-affirming church backgrounds. Gushee and Keen were Baptists. Vines grew up a conservative-leaning Presbyterian. Hays was a conservative United Methodist minister. Wilson was a pastor and regional overseer within Vineyard USA, a non-denominational affiliation of churches. Baldock, baptized as a Roman Catholic, later found solace within a prominent evangelical church before everything unraveled for her, and on and on the list goes. All of these godly men and women slowly changed their mind pertaining to God’s will for queer folks. And as far as I can tell, all of them remain deeply biblical to this day. They still read the Bible, receive the life-giving promises, meditate on the words and works of Jesus.

Biblical + Affirming = Still Biblical

Up to this point, I had not spent any significant time in the past studying the Bible verses that spoke directly to same-gendered sexual activity. I did not do the hard work. I was quite familiar with all the verses - memorizing them, quoting them, preaching from them - yet I never studied them carefully within their historic context. My mentality was not unlike so many Christians today: “God said it, I believe it, deal with it.” Yet I started realizing I had not done the noble work of learning what was actually happening when these very words/commands were presented to their original audience. And in turn, I had not carefully discerned how this historical, grammatical understanding affects how we apply these words/commands to our lives today, and more specifically to the lives of LGBTQ+ Christians we encounter.

In other words, I began to wonder how the biblical text relates to the lesbian couple who has been married for twenty years in a committed, monogamous relationship. Or, to the married gay couple who regularly sit in the third row every Sunday at the Episcopal church down the street. Or, to my lesbian daughter who loves Jesus and is praying for a same-sex partner with whom she can create a happy, peaceful family, until death do they part. When I consider these common scenarios within my close circle of acquaintances, I started to honestly ask the question: Is God giving universal directives that condemn every gay couple in every culture, in every generation, or is there something else going on?

As I was prayerfully reading the books, let me share some thoughts that support my journey toward becoming LGBTQ+ affirming, while remaining deeply biblical in the process. Let me share three insights, or epiphanies, that helped me along the way:

First, I was reminded that the Bible is an ancient text. Even though the Bible has been translated into our modern vernacular, with so many contemporary translations that fill my heart with gratitude, I can’t ignore the fact that the Bible is a very old literary work. The Bible (the Protestant version, that is) contains 66 books, 1,189 chapters, and 31,273 verses (Gushee). This compilation of books/chapters/verses was spoken, written, and edited over the span of more than a millennium. This impressive literary work was formulated from three distinct languages, within multiple social settings, by dozens of authors, and utilizing 10 different genres of literature, including 185 songs to boot (Lambert, 16). The last composition was completed over 1,900 years ago. All this to say, the Bible is a masterfully preserved ancient literary text, written by human authors who were inspired by the Lord of all Eternity.

Zach Lambert says it this way, “God has inspired at least forty human authors across three continents over two thousand years to write down stories attempting to explain who God is, who humans are, God’s plan to restore people and all of creation, and how we are to treat each other in the here and now” (Lambert, 16).

Secondly, when it comes to verses on same-gendered sexual activity within the pages of the Bible, we are dealing with a small sample size of biblical passages. Traditionalist-conservative folks typically build their argument against homosexuality from 11 of the 1,189 chapters, and that is including the two creation accounts from Genesis chapter 1 and Genesis chapter 2, which I’m not going to tackle here. Additionally, it is not unusual to hear the broader claim that whenever the Bible mentions sexual immorality, you could include homosexuality underneath the broad umbrella of illicit sex. But even with that said, one thing that came to mind in May of 2021 when I began to look at the biblical verses carefully, is that there is actually a very small sample size compared to the whole of Scripture.

This is the formula that is often used for the traditionalist position (Gushee, 43):

Genesis 1-2 + Genesis 19 + Leviticus 18:22/20:13 + Judges 19 + Matthew 19:1-12/Mark 10:2-12 + Romans 1:26-27 + 1 Corinthians 6:9/1 Timothy 1:10 [+ Ephesians 5:22-33 and all other biblical references to sex and marriage assuming or depicting male + female] = a clear biblical ban on same-sex relationships.

I’m not saying we should ignore these verses in light of a limited number - after all, every passage of Scripture is God-breathed and pertinent to everyday life - but the “small sample size observation” was surprising to me early on. And plus, when I studied each one of these verses within context they were not as clear and air-tight as I had always assumed, which led me to my next observation.

Third, the task for interpreting and applying Holy Scripture is to bridge the cultural gap from biblical times to our modern-day 21st century lives. That is part of the solemn task when we look at the seven verses that speak against some form of same-sex activity in the Bible. But of course, we don’t only do this for topics like homosexuality. We also need good interpretation for passages that seem to give the thumbs up for polygamy, genocide, slavery, the subordination of woman. For all these matters, good biblical interpretation is needed so we don’t go off the rails and needlessly bring great harm to those around us!

I like what the late Gordon D. Fee writes about this important work of interpretation. Fee, formerly a professor at Regent College and a conservative scholar in his own right, says it this way,

In speaking through real (people), in a variety of circumstances, over a 1,500-year period, God’s Word was expressed in the vocabulary and thought patterns of those persons and conditioned by the culture of those times and circumstances. This is to say, God’s Word to us was first of all his word to them. If they were going to hear it, it could only have come through events and in language they could have understood. Our problem is that we are so far removed from them in time, and sometimes in thought. This is the major reason one needs to learn to interpret the Bible. If God’s Word about women wearing men’s clothing or people having parapets around houses is to speak to us, we first need to know what it said to its original hearers - and why (Fee, 23).

Because the Bible is an ancient literary text, we need careful, sound interpretation to the sacred text. The challenge of biblical interpretation is to, first of all, discern what the biblical writers were trying to say to the original audience. Even very conservative biblical scholars understand this as part of the practice and discipline of interpreting the Bible, as Fee demonstrated above.

So we first ask, what did the instructions, the admonitions, the warnings mean to those who heard it in real time? And then we ask, how do we most faithfully apply the text to the unique situations we’re facing in our world today? Bridging that cultural gap is paramount. It has always been an important part of interpreting the Bible, and it continues to be vital when trying to understand how we should approach sexual orientation and gender dysphoria today.

Without going too deep into the weeds of the individual verses, allow me to give an example from the writings of Karen Keen, the author of the first book on my reading list above. She provides some understanding of the historic backdrop of Romans chapter 1, along with speaking briefly about Paul’s writings in other settings. This provides some much needed clarity as to what was taking place during that particular time and in that place. Keen writes,

Discussion of same-sex activity increases in the Greco-Roman period… most references are males, especially to pederasty, for which our earliest evidence is from Crete in the eighth century BCE. Men had sex with boys approximately twelve to seventeen years old. The age differential was not usual; in that culture, girls commonly were married in their teens to much older men. Among Greeks, pederasty often had a pedagogical component and was not a permanent relationship. Roman law was more restrictive than Greek statutes, prohibiting pederasty with freeborn boys. Only the older, more powerful active partner was expected to achieve sexual gratification. Consensual peer relationships are rarely mentioned.

Homoeroticism during the Greco-Roman period consisted primarily of pederasty. When first-century Jewish writers Philo and Josephus spoke against male-male sexual relations, they typically address men having sex with boys. Consensual relationships between adult men were considered offensive because a grown man who took the passive role lost his masculinity in the eyes of Greco-Roman culture. Boys, on the other hand, were not yet men. When they did reach adulthood, they were no longer considered appropriate objects of sexual gratification. The exception to age limits was made with men of lower status (e.g. slaves, prostitutes) or, in the case of the Romans, noncitizens. Such adult slaves, prostitutes, and noncitizens no doubt carried the stigma of being “feminized.”

Some Greco-Roman writers condemned same-sex activity for violating gender norms (taking a female role) or showing a perceived excess passion. Some also objected to the lack of procreation…

In the New Testament, all mention of same-sex relations is negative. Most of these references provide minimal details about the nature of the activity and appear on vice lists (1 Cor. 6:9-10; 1 Tim. 1:9-10). The apostle Paul likely had in mind the behavior he saw around him, namely, pederasty or sex with male slaves and prostitutes. Of all New Testament texts, Romans 1 provides the most information for analysis and remains the text in the church’s debate on same-sex relations…I have given a brief overview of the historical context because we cannot understand why the biblical authors rejected same-sex relations without attending to the world they lived in (Keen, 17-19).

I wanted to highlight this research from Karen Keen, because on that day it caused me to pause and reflect: When I previously read the Bible verses, I frankly had no idea what was happening when the Jewish law was written in the Old Testament, or what was taking place in the Greco-Roman world during Paul’s day. Pertaining to the latter, I simply assumed that the apostle Paul was speaking directly against all same-sex, covenantal relationships. Upon reflection, this was one of the very things that was lacking in my understanding of these contemptuous verses. The question I began asking was this: Were the biblical writers condemning all such relationships? Or was I projecting modern ideas onto the Bible which were foreign to the biblical authors themselves? If that is the case, my interpretation was coming more from my own imagination than reflecting the author’s divinely inspired meaning. This was a turning point. I began to see it’s possible the biblical authors were not condemning all same-gendered relationships across time and space, but were primarily speaking against the atrocities they were seeing in their unique context, such as the devious abuse of power with young boys, adult prostitutes and slaves.

At this point, I realized there’s much more to learn.

So I picked up the next book.

Works Cited:

Blakemore, E. (2025b, May 28). Why Thomas Jefferson rewrote The Bible Without Jesus’ Miracles and Resurrection | HISTORY. HISTORY. https://www.history.com/articles/thomas-jefferson-bible-religious-beliefs

Fee, G. D., & Stuart, D. K. (2003). How to read the Bible for all its worth. Zondervan Publishing Company.

Gushee, D. P. (2017). Changing our mind: Definitive 3rd Edition of the Landmark Call for Inclusion of Lgbtq Christians with Response to Critics. Read The Spirit Books.

Keen, K. R. (2018). Scripture, ethics, and the possibility of Same-Sex Relationships. Eerdmans.

Lambert, Z. W. (2025). Better ways to read the Bible: Transforming a Weapon of Harm into a Tool of Healing. Brazos Press.

I’d love to hear from you in the comments below, even sharing some of your story. Let’s compare notes and grow together in the love of God. However, so we’re clear, unkind or accusatory comments will not be tolerated on this forum. We welcome civil dialogue and questions asked in good faith. Comment, share insights, add additional stories, ask real questions. If you have a question or a thought that you’d rather not ask publicly, feel free to message me directly.

CREATIVE OUTLET

What is my wife Vicki doing in recent days? Here’s an update in her own words:

I love what I do in my work as a chaplain. I find it meaningful and fulfilling. I also find it emotionally grueling and if I’m not careful, I can get really bogged down in the hardship I see every day. One thing I’ve learned about myself over the last several years is that I really need a creative outlet. I’ve always wanted a “side hustle” so about a year ago I was brainstorming about what I could do that would allow me to be creative while also providing another income source for our household.

Anyone who knows me knows I am passionate about my advocacy for the LGBTQIA+ community. As I was brainstorming ideas for a side hustle, it made sense to combine my creative side with my longing for justice and inclusion. Additionally, I was growing frustrated with the tone I was hearing in conversations about queer inclusion in faith spaces. I was tired of the mud-slinging I was hearing from every side. I knew the only way to make any real progress on this hot-topic was to start having better, more productive conversations. It took a bit for the vision to take shape, but eventually I began to see it all coming together in the form of t-shirt designs with messages that are bold and clear.

I began to design t-shirts meant to start conversations. I built a website, started new social media accounts, lost a bunch of sleep, and stressed out over money. But all of it was fun and exhilarating and once I got started, I couldn’t stop! One of my early goals was to donate a portion of the profits each month to a like-minded organization. I began to contact organizations which were helpful for me in my faith journey, and together we started getting the word out about my shop. The website went live and t-shirts started selling! Here’s the link if you want to check out the online store: The Salty Pigeon Gift Company.

In addition to the website, I also had a booth at some Pride festivals this summer and I had a great time selling shirts, meeting people, and telling anyone who would listen about my passion project side-hustle! This has been a fun way for me to tap into my creative side, learn the ins and outs of a small business, and continue to pursue my dreams of a kinder and more inclusive world.

Vicki Gascho Esh

VIDEO CONTENT

Vicki has also been putting out some video content. This past week, shared this message about the disturbing events in Berlin, Germany:

MOVIE RECOMMENDATION

The Hurricane (1999)

This motion picture was based on the true story of Rubin "Hurricane" Carter (played by Denzel Washington). Hurricane was a man whose dreams of winning the middleweight boxing title were destroyed when he was arrested for the murders of three people in a New Jersey bar. Wrongfully accused, Carter and another man named John Artis were sentenced to life in prison. This is the moving story of his fight for freedom.

One of my favorite schemes in the movie, was when Rubin “Hurricane” Carter was speaking to a young black man named Lesra, who had visited him in prison.

Here are a few powerful lines from their conversation:

Hurricane: “It’s very important to transcend the places that hold us, you know that? You’ve learned to read; you’ve learned to write. Writing is (poof) magic. You feel that?”

Lesra: “Yeah, I guess I do.”

Hurricane: “When I started writing I discovered that I was doing more than just telling the story. You see, writing is a weapon. And it’s more powerful than a fist could ever be. Every time I sat down to write, I could rise above the walls of this prison. I could look over the walls, all across the state of New Jersey. And I could see Nelson Mandela in his cell, writing his book… writing is magic, Lesra!”

Watch the movie!

I’d love to hear from you in the comments below, even sharing some of your story. Let’s compare notes and grow together in the love of God. However, so we’re clear, unkind or accusatory comments will not be tolerated on this forum. We welcome civil dialogue and questions asked in good faith. Comment, share insights, add additional stories, ask real questions. If you have a question or a thought that you’d rather not ask publicly, feel free to message me directly.

Any discussion about the Bible and LGBTQ affirmation is controversial, especially among devout Christians. Therefore, it can be challenging to write about the theological journey toward LGBTQ acceptance. This challenge has nothing to do with writer’s block, by the way; it has everything to do with the rumblings under the surface. In other words, I hear the noise. In light of this, I thought it would be helpful to name this decibel reality before I go any further. Later, I will gladly write more about how queer-affirming Christians approach Holy Scripture, which is a pertinent topic, one that changed the trajectory of my family. But for now, I highlight the noise as being part of the storyline.

The noise I’m referring to comes from two distinct sources.

First, there’s the occasional low-level noise within myself. At times, I find myself surprised again that I’ve shifted my thinking about LGBTQ people in such a short period of time, although my family would argue it was a long time in coming. Yet, when I step back and look at the big picture, this was a recent shift for me. The first fifty years of my life I was non-affirming, and the last three, affirming. This recent theological about-face, with the occasional unsettledness, showcases I’m still living within liminality. Everything is still raw, unpolished, and at times, terrifying.

There are moments when I question my more progressive-leaning understandings, thinking, “How did I get from there to here? And (gulp) what if I was right all those years, and now here I am, deviating from the version of the story I previously found security and solace within?” To be clear, these questions don’t linger long in my mind, but since I’ve been vulnerable throughout my memoir writing up to this point, I want to be vulnerable at this juncture as well.

In light of this, someone has asked, “With that kind of inner noise and inner critique at play, why would you attempt to write about LGBTQ affirmation and Scripture?”

I said, “Oh, that’s easy. I chalk it up to prayer.”

They said, “Okay, now you need to explain. What do you mean by this?”

I said, “When I have doubts, as mentioned, I pray to God with vulnerability and honesty, as is my custom. And when I pray authentic, gut-level prayers, the peace returns. The peace of God always returns at the end of the day. The peace is accompanied with encouragement from the Holy Spirit. The Lord seems to enjoy rekindling his beating heart and unconditional love for LGBTQ people, along with his love for other marginalized groups. This is the heart of God after all, and it’s precisely what we see modeled throughout Jesus’ ministry. Therefore, I write.”

And I will keep moving the pen and continue writing in spite of the inner noise. I will bless what God is blessing. I will write what God is stirring and emboldening me to write, albeit raw and unpolished. So that’s the first thing that makes these chapters challenging: the occasional noise within.

Secondly, there is another source of noise that makes the writing challenging in recent days. It’s the louder, more magnified noise from critics. This noise is largely from Christian brothers and sisters who have not yet changed their mind about gay and lesbian people. This noise has an angry tone, truth be told, although it can also be somber. It’s embodied when someone slowly shakes their head with disappointment about our family’s journey, saying, “Have you read Conrad’s sad, tragic story (insert the crying emoji here)? It’s a doozy of a prayer request if there ever was one.” What else can I say about this noise from critics? Continuing with the visualization, the noise manifests as a fear-mongering churchman with khakis, a button-down shirt, leather belt, and a large Bible in hand, with all the verses about same-sex relationships highlighted in red, circled and starred.

The noise from this concerned churchman is audible, carrying words and phrases such as the following:

• The Bible is so clear on this issue. Why are you deviating from the main and the plain of God’s holy words?

• Don’t you realize sexual orientation and gender dysphoria are modern-day social constructs? And here you are, conveniently accommodating to the whims of our contemporary, western culture. And additionally, you are refusing to listen to the larger conversation throughout church history. This is a serious misstep on your part.

• LGBTQ people are going to hell if they don’t repent of their deviant lifestyle, surely you know this as a minister of the gospel? They will be in trouble on judgment day unless they course correct. And if you keep affirming people in their sin, you are personally escorting them to their eternal demise. This will not look good on your heavenly resume!

• If you question this basic biblical teaching, I question whether you really know the Lord as much as you claim you do. Have you ever really known Jesus as Lord and Savior, or are you deceived in a foundational, salvific way? You need to truly repent and find salvation in Christ, or you too will pay a steep price on the Last Day.

In light of these accusatory voices, what comes to mind, weirdly, is Edger Allen Poe’s 19th century poem, The Bells, which we’ve all learned in middle school:

How the danger ebbs and flows;

Yet the ear distinctly tells,

In the jangling,

And the wrangling.

How the danger sinks and swells,

By the sinking or the swelling in the anger of the bells—

Of the bells—

Of the bells, bells, bells, bells,

Bells, bells, bells—

In the clamor and the clangor of the bells!

At the time, I chalked this poem up to the writings of a tortured poet. But now, in light of this chapter, I find myself substituting the word bells with noise. The danger sinks and swells, from the noise, noise, noise, noise, noise, noise, noise! This present noise is the muck and the mire that I’ve been wading through, praying through, parsing out, discerning truth from error in my journey toward affirmation.

And thankfully, the noise is lessening over time. In fact, I now have peace as this liberating comes front and center into my thinking:

No matter how persuasive I am, there is nothing I can say, think or write that will move the needle for many of the conservative/traditionalist/fundamentalist friends.

And that has to be okay.

I’m aware that any argument for LGBTQ affirmation and the Bible is a hard sell for the very people who have spoken the dire warnings highlighted above. We may never find agreement about God’s heart for the queer community or about God blessing same-sex, monogamous relationships this side of heaven.

I can’t help but think about all the bitterly contested theological and moral issues Christ-followers have argued about over the last 2,000 years of church history. There have been so many intense arguments, breaking friendships and dividing churches. So many controversial topics Christians have fought over, both sides quoting Scripture with all the conviction of heaven, both sides going to their graves thinking they got it right. Some of these issues include (Gushee, 36-37):

• The morality of the sale and use of alcohol.

• The nature of proper Christian Sabbath observance.

• The morality of [name your] war, and whether or not Christians should bear arms in the first place.

• God’s preferred economic system between capitalism, socialism and a third way.

• God’s plan for men and women’s roles in church, home and society.

• Whether slavery, colonization or abolition is mandated, permitted or banned by Scripture.

• What eschatological scheme to embrace and to put your hope and trust in.

• Whether charismatic/Pentecostal practices are mandatory, permissible, or “of the Devil.”

• Whether divorce might be permissible - and for what reasons.

• [Your issue here]

With all the issues listed, every generation had people calling their position “the biblical position,” and villainizing other people, calling the opposing view “unbiblical.” And I can’t help but think that Heaven will reveal so much. It will all make sense on that great day. There will certainly be things I got wrong and things I got right, things you got wrong and things you got right, but none of that will matter when we see the Lord face to face. In Glory, we will not care who was right or wrong, nor will we care who was the most biblically astute person among us. We will only cry, “Holy, holy, holy,” and we will also say, “Isn’t the love, grace, and favor of God amazing?!”

With this said, I’m not writing with a grandiose expectation of winning over the masses to my point of view. And honestly, that has never been the purpose for writing out the family story in long-form. The goal is not to school traditionalists, sitting them down and putting them in their rightful place. Instead, the heart of the memoir is to share, as honestly as possible, the complex family story with all it’s intricacies. I resolve to share the family saga and let the story sit with people for awhile.

Let it sit.

Over the course of time, people may decide to change their mind on this issue, if they feel so inclined. In fact, conservatives changing their minds and adjusting their theology no longer surprises me. I’m actually beginning to expect it. For I’m starting to view ‘becoming affirming’ as the work of the Holy Spirit in our day. But this kind of persuasion has little to do with my persuasive ability or my communication skills as a pastor, an orator, a writer. Instead, I chalk it up to the divine work of the Holy Spirit of God, and that, over the course of time. It’s between the reader and their ongoing conversation with God at the end of the day. Some people, even those who are presently digging in their heels and crying “Foul!” will eventually become affirming. If and when that happens, I will be happy and thankful to God, but no longer shocked. Stories are powerful, applicable, influential, provocative and redemptive. And God is at work in the world, expanding the circle of his mercy and grace to reach more and more people! And we get to be apart of this redemptive work in the world, even as we’re fighting off some pesky noise from time to time!

Works Cited: David P. Gushee, Changing our Mind (Read the Spirit Books, 2022), 36-37.

I’d love to hear from you in the comments below, even sharing some of your story. Let’s compare notes and grow together in the love of God. However, so we’re clear, unkind or accusatory comments will not be tolerated on this forum. We welcome civil dialogue and questions asked in good faith. Comment, share insights, add additional stories, ask real questions. If you have a question or a thought that you’d rather not ask publicly, feel free to message me directly.

The last two years I drove the seven-hour drive to Lancaster County, Pennsylvania, to be with family over the 4th of July. I did this trip by myself both times, listening to music, podcasts and saying my prayers as I drove. July 4th has always been infused with memories for me.

The Esh family - the cousins, the aunts and uncles, the extended family - get together in this beautiful place in the world, which we affectionately call The Meadow. The Meadow is a tranquil grove full of shade trees, with a creek bending, twisting and winding through the property. Near the back of the land, to the left of the old outhouses, there is a field reserved for volleyball. We only ask that you use common sense and avoid the barbed-wire fence on the far side. There’s also a baseball diamond across the creek, with another annual warning to avoid the fresh cow patties while encircling the bases. Additionally, there is a large circular swing for the kids and, of course, the sacred ground allotted for a competitive game of quoits. In the center of the Meadow, there is the pavilion, with an attached kitchenette. This is where the meals are served and, when necessary, the shelter everyone runs to when the weather becomes unfavorable. More important than any of this, family is there. It is Esh’s Meadow after all, and this is the sacred space for the Esh family to gather on the 4th of July weekend. It is a coming home.

As I’m getting older, I have found myself wanting to be with family more and more. To make the drive. To come home, as it were. And like many of my peers, I’m becoming more sentimental now that I’m in my fifties. In ways I didn’t expect, nostalgia has been setting in. I want to be with family as much as possible, which has felt grounding. When I show up, I ask more questions than I have in the past. I find out about my people, my tribe, my roots. I love seeing the sites, receiving the hugs, eating the home-cooked meals.

And even though I’ve been on quite a journey of changing my mind about LGBTQ people (which has been the focus of my online writings over the past year), I’m still welcomed and celebrated at The Meadow. Everyone is. We’re all greeted with a warm smile and kind words.

Does that mean people are in alignment with me and amening my Substack articles?

Some are right there with me, to be clear. I have some Esh relatives who find themselves on a remarkably similar theological journey. I’ve been able to compare notes with these family members from time to time, which has been refreshing.

However, many of my cousins, aunts and uncles have undoubtedly disagreed with the trajectory of my complex family story. It’s not lost on me that the vast majority of my extended family lean more conservative/traditional when it comes to gay, lesbian and trans people. Even with that said, the Esh hospitality is real. The welcome, authentic. The smiles and the kindness, completely genuine.

As a point in case, when it’s time for the meal, one of the uncles calls everyone together by ringing the dinner bell, confidently and loudly. Everyone congregates under the pavilion. After the prayer of thanksgiving for the beautiful weather and for the food that is spread out before us, I then try to decide where to sit. There are dozens of picnic tables to choose from, all of which are under the shade trees and in close proximity to the pavilion. Wherever I choose to sit, I feel welcomed and loved by family while enjoying some of the best chicken BBQ I’ve ever tasted in my life.

Also, when the family formed a large circle with their lawn chairs later in the afternoon, and I approached the group from behind. I was clearly outside the circle, looking in. One of my aunts immediately said, “Expand the circle; make room for Conrad!” I didn’t even have a lawn chair, but one of my cousins instinctively found one for me within seconds. And the circle grew larger and I was warmly welcomed therein. Everyone is apart of the inner circle at The Meadow, rest assured. I wasn’t the only one who enjoyed this kind of favor. The circle of chairs kept getting larger and larger as more and more people approached the circle and were invited in.

I do not write about this because it surprised me. It actually did not surprise me at all. I fully expected to be embraced and welcomed when I came to the Esh’s Meadow on the 4th. That’s why I drive alone to Pennsylvania, even when it didn’t work for the rest of my family to join me. While there, my one cousin asked me if it was hard to come in light of so many people having more conservative views toward homosexuality. I said, “No, I wanted to come and see everyone. This is grounding for me and being with family is vitally important. And plus, the Esh family kindness is real and the welcome and embrace of Jesus is what we’re about at the end of the day. It’s part of our legacy, whether we agree about certain things or not.”

Later that day, one of my aunts gave me a warm hug, saying, “Thanks for coming. We’re so glad you made the effort to be here.”

Again, I don’t say this because it surprised me. It didn’t surprise me at all, but it was healing to my soul.

One of my cousins, who lives out of the area, encouraged me to make the drive to visit her family sometime, “You are always welcomed, Conrad. Even if we have theological differences about certain things, we’re all still family and we need each other this side of Heaven.”

Again, I don’t say this because it surprised me. It didn’t surprise me at all.

Contrast this with the “Christian” rejection that Vicki and I have received from the not-so-distant past, and it’s a staggering difference. We’ve had long-term relationships with people who are convinced we’re serving a different God than they are. People who are now saying they can no longer fellowship with us. They can’t associate with us, they say, unless we repent and stop deceiving people. Some have called us wolves in sheep’s clothing. Questioning whether or not we ever knew the Lord Jesus in the first place, which makes no sense to me at all since he is my Lord and Savior and Friend. In addition to verbal jabs, we’ve been recipients of a few stern glances and a couple cold shoulders in public spaces.

In light of this back-story of rejection from previous friends, now you know why The Meadow has felt so healing for me. So grounding. Though it may not be perfect (no place is), it provides a more accurate, hopeful image of heaven! We will all experience the great welcome of the kingdom in the sweet by and by! The warm smiles and big hugs in Glory. On that day, as we approach the banqueting table with the saints of old, King David will notice you, saying, “Expand the circle; make room for this child of God (insert your name here)!” Queen Esther will say, “I’m so glad you’re here! We’ve been waiting for you!” God the Father, being the good, gracious host that he is, wipes away every tear from your eyes.

The weight of the world is lifted off of your shoulders.

You are home.

I close today’s article with a prophetic call from Brandi Carlile’s song, Crowded Table. As you go on your way, consider these visionary, Esh-Meadowesque lyrics:

The door is always open

Your picture’s on my wall

Everyone’s a little broken

And everyone belongs

Yeah, everyone belongs

I want a house with a crowded table

And a place by the fire for everyone

Let us take on the world while we’re young and able

And bring us back together when the day is done

I’d love to hear from you in the comments below, even sharing some of your story. Let’s compare notes and grow together in the love of God. However, so we’re clear, unkind or accusatory comments will not be tolerated on this forum. We welcome civil dialogue and questions asked in good faith. Comment, share insights, add additional stories, ask real questions. If you have a question or a thought that you’d rather not ask publicly, feel free to message me directly.

I’ve watched numerous online videos, reel upon reel, from a Christian evangelist (not pictured). This man shares the gospel of Jesus loudly, and proudly, during LGBTQ+ pride events. Believing to be sent by God, he speaks over the crowd with a microphone in hand. And of course, his cameraman buddy is also present. He lingers somewhere in the background, capturing the footage so the video reels can become an overnight hit. For many Christ-followers, the preacher is a modern-day hero, with unprecedented courage resembling the Apostle Paul. Among other things, the preacher is applauded for holding to the truth of the gospel. He calls a spade, a spade. He calls sin, sin. He shares the word of God with tact and great resolve in enemy territory. He is calm under pressure. He blesses those who shout profanities his way. He seems to have all the answers, all the verses, all the confidence in the world, albeit teetering on cockiness and religious arrogance, but I digress. The preacher is a hero. His videos are teaching tools for faithful Christ-followers across America.

In one video, he said, “Jesus loves you!”

Two young women, wearing long colorful dresses with rainbow bandanas, happened to be walking by him at that moment. He immediately made many assumptions about this gay couple. He assumed they desperately needed a gospel presentation. I mean, they are gay after all. He also assumed these women would be eternally lost without his biblical guidance.

They said, “We know this. Jesus loves us and he loves all people. Every. Single. Person.”

The women continued walking down the street, without slowing their stride.

The preacher said. “He absolutely loves all people!”

Refusing to come near him, the women shouted from a distance, “Look, we’re baptized believers! We love Jesus; Jesus loves us! Why are you here?”

The preacher said, “Yes, he loves you. And that’s precisely why I’m here. God loves you so much that he doesn’t want you to stay as you are. He is sending his love to you right now. He is sending his Holy Spirit to you, so you don’t remain in your sin.”

At that point, things got tense.

Someone else in the crowd chimed in, “Homosexuality is not a sin!”

The preacher didn’t flinch. “But it is. According to the Bible, homosexuality is a sin, but there are many things that God calls sin, not just the gay lifestyle. I have my sin struggles, you have yours. And Jesus loves us so much that we don’t need to stay as we are. We can change through the help of God.”

And that’s when cursing began. That’s when profanity and name calling cut through the air at the pride festival that day. The preacher later referred to these events as biblical persecution. Jesus said, “In this world, you will have trouble,” and he had a double portion of trouble.

That was one story among so many other stories.

During these pride events, the people in the crowd frequently asked the Christian evangelist in no uncertain terms to stop preaching. To please stop immediately. To please leave their event. To please lay the microphone down. To please exit the way that he came! He did not comply to any of these requests. Instead, he doubled down. He said to the agitated attendees, “No, I’m going to keep preaching about the love of Jesus. You can’t make me stop. Jesus died on the cross for you. This is Good News for everyone at Pride today. And I care too much about you to simply stop sharing this great message of God’s mercy. God loves you, and that’s why I’m here.”

The crowd got agitated in so many of these video reels that I viewed. Needless to say, his preaching did not land well. In one case, a woman tried to grab the microphone away from the preacher. When she couldn’t yank it from his grip, she proceeded to grab the portable speaker and started running away with the speaker. In another case, a man followed the preacher with a megaphone, attempting to silence him from behind and to override his voice. At other times, people cursed and yelled and flipped off the Christian evangelist. There were even moments of angry pushing, even borderline physical aggression. Still others debated with him, some argued with him, some tried to reason calmly with him. But nobody was happy he was there. Nobody thanked him for going out of his way to be at the event. He came as an unwelcomed guest. And, as far as I could tell, nobody came to faith in Christ as a result of his open-air preaching at Pride.

The preacher eventually went home at the end of the day. All preachers do. And as this particular preacher laid his head down on his pillow, he likely found solace with the following thoughts and the following prayers:

• “I did this for you, Jesus! I did this for you.”

• “I guess this is what persecution looks like. We know that Jesus said we would be persecuted, and it played out that way for me today. I was mistreated by the crowd because of my radical obedience to God. Therefore, I’m going to shake the ‘dust off my feet’ as a testimony against those rainbow-flag-waving-heathens, and I’m going to keep preaching again tomorrow.”

• “Did anyone come to faith in Christ? Not today, but that’s okay. Even though I didn’t see encouraging signs, I know from Holy Scripture that “the word of God will not return empty, but will accomplish what God desires and achieve the purposes for which it was sent” (Isaiah 55:11). I’m going to trust that God’s message will produce fruit over time and that there will eventually be a harvest of souls. The people who cursed me today will hopefully find Jesus before it is too late, before the great judgement. That’s my prayer.”

How do I know these thoughts went through his mind later in the day? I know this because, in years past, I was that Christian preacher. I was him and he was me. I did my share of street preaching, but without the microphone and without the video recording. I wish I could also say without the arrogance and without the judgmental spirit, but I’m not 100% sure I can say that. But let’s get back to the point of this Substack entry.

I’m writing this article while drinking a chai tea latte at the Underdog Cafe in Yellow Springs, Ohio. Today is pride. My wife Vicki, assisted by daughter Ellie, is selling her Salty Pigeon merchandise during today’s festivities (here’s the link to her online shop). My family is not far from me (a couple blocks down the street), but I’m here resting and writing and looking out the cafe windows.

I see crowds of diverse people walking up and down the sidewalk right in front of the cafe. The beads, the dresses, the flowers, the flags, the bright make-up, the whimsical tattoos, the summer clothes, the rainbow-colored attire. I even see a golden-doodle puppy wearing a tie-dyed bandana, which makes me smile!

Looking out the window, I also find myself thinking about that online Christian preacher again. Why can’t I get him out of my mind? Even though I have no doubt that he loves Jesus and he might be a really nice guy around the dinner table, my thought is this: I’m thankful that he didn’t make the drive today to Yellow Springs, Ohio. I’m also thankful he wasn’t with us at the pride event our hometown of Marysville, Ohio, just a couple weeks ago.

In addition to thanking God that the preacher was not present, I find myself deeply questioning his evangelistic approach in general. The preacher was not culturally sensitive in any way, shape, or form. The preacher’s lack of audience awareness and lack of wisdom should not surprise any one of us. We know that not all preaching is created equal. Not all preaching is effective or helpful. Not all preaching is done with divine wisdom from the heavens. Not all preaching is timely or beneficial for those who hear the message. Not all preaching, again, understands the audience to which they are bringing the good news about Jesus, and therein lies the rub for me.

This man’s preaching was not effective.

Going a step further (and I want you to hear this), I would even contend that this kind of preaching was abusive to his hearers. Now, why would I say that so strongly? Didn’t he speak about the love of Jesus, which I also speak about? Yet I use the term “abusive” because he didn’t understand the history of his audience. He didn’t listen before he spoke. Many LGBTQ+ folks are carrying profound church hurt and spiritual trauma. Many of them have been rejected by their pastors, scolded by their leaders, pushed aside by devout Christian families, and in turn, many feel rejected by the God of their Judeo-Christian upbringing. Many have battled suicidal ideation and self-hatred over the years, but now are slowly finding peace with both God and with humanity. Safe places like Pride are supporting that recovery.

Therefore, for straight Christians attending Pride, it is a holy responsibility to publicly affirm that queer people are beautifully, wonderfully made in the image of God and have intrinsic worth and dignity. That is the message, and I believe that I too have the Spirit of God. But when people go to pride events and domineer over others, cornering them with a microphone in hand, it can feel deeply traumatic, particularly by those who have been traumatized by religious institutions, rejected by clergy, kicked out of homes. If I went through what many of my LGBTQ+ brothers and sisters have gone through, I too might curse the preacher and try to grab the mic from his hand.

The question becomes, does this preacher really love LGBTQ people?

That’s a question I would ask him today, if he would walk into the Underdog Cafe.

If he loves the queer community as he loves himself, I would suggest he lay down the microphone, effective immediately. I would encourage him to do this for the sake of the gospel. Lay your microphone down. Put the speaker back in the family suburban. Close shop for the day. Release your cameraman buddy to go home to his wife and kids. And then, if you really love LGBTQ+ people and want to find out what the Spirit of God is doing among them, approach them quietly, humbly, and away from all fanfare. Get to know them as real people, not as problems to be solved. Buy them lunch and ask honest questions in quiet places. Ask about their life (where did they grow up?), find out about their coming out years (what was that like?), hear their story pertaining to church hurt and societal harm (how do you feel about church now?). Ask about their relationship with God. You might be surprised. Some of them still have the seed of faith, some even have great faith. Many still have a tenderness toward the Jesus of their childhood. Some of them pray the Lord’s Prayer daily, attend church regularly, and are not the heathens you thought they were when you preached loudly from a lofty place.

And over time, dear preacher, maybe you will find yourself supporting Pride because of these beautiful new friendships. Along with my wife Vicki and I, maybe you will eventually be able to affirm that all individuals, regardless of sexual orientation or gender identity, are of sacred worth and beloved by God. And along with my family, maybe you will understand that supporting Pride is in keeping with some powerful Christian themes throughout Scripture, such as practicing radical hospitality, standing against marginalization, and ensuring that all people feel seen, heard, and valued. All of this is possible, when we respond to the call of God to put the microphone down, to close shop for the day, and to approach people in quieter places.

Happy Pride!

I’d love to hear from you in the comments below, even sharing some of your story. Let’s compare notes and grow together in the love of God. However, so we’re clear, unkind or accusatory comments will not be tolerated on this forum. We welcome civil dialogue and questions asked in good faith. Comment, share insights, add additional stories, ask real questions. If you have a question or a thought that you’d rather not ask publicly, feel free to message me directly.

Filling the Pulpit Yesterday

This past Sunday, my wife Vicki and I were asked to share our family story at another LGBTQ+ affirming church in our city, First Congregational United Church of Christ (Marysville, Ohio). It was their Pride Sunday! And what a joy it was to be with the congregation and be warmly welcomed and received by the dear church folks. We titled the message, “LGBTQ is Us.” I shared for 10 minutes, then Vicki shared for 10, and then we fielded questions.

In light of filling the pulpit, I was not able to spend my free time writing on Substack this week. I simply could not focus. If you know me, I’m not the kind of person who can juggle innumerable things at the same time! That’s not my superpower. But as I said after Trinity Sunday, you are certainly welcome to listen in on the message that Vicki and I shared, and see the fruit of our creative work.

Here is the Pride Sunday Message:

I’d love to hear from you in the comments below, even sharing some of your story. Let’s compare notes and grow together in the love of God. However, so we’re clear, unkind or accusatory comments will not be tolerated on this forum. We welcome civil dialogue and questions asked in good faith. Comment, share insights, add additional stories, ask real questions. If you have a question or a thought that you’d rather not ask publicly, feel free to message me directly. You are loved by the Living God!

The Great Painter (aka, God of the Highest Heavens) masterfully mixes colors and freely puts his brush to the canvas of the earth. Delighting in free artistic expression, God sometimes goes rogue with his divine work, not playing by anyone’s arbitrary rules! He can certainly do this, for he’s God and we’re not God. While we all understood the work of the Creator was never paint-by-number, what we didn’t realize, until recently, was how much God delights in painting outside the lines. While smiling at his work, he says, “It is good, it is good, it is very good.” That’s the image of the God of creation I began to see more clearly after reading Steve Harper’s theological insights as detailed below.

Who is Dr. Steve Harper? He was a long-tenured United Methodist theologian and pastor. He is now a retired seminary professor who taught for more than thirty years within the disciplines of Spiritual Formation and Wesley Studies. A couple years ago, I read his small LGBTQ+ affirming book, Holy Love. After reading Harper’s theological reflections on the biblical creation story, my jaw dropped open. I was amazed! I found myself marveling at the diversity of God’s creative work from the very beginning of time. I read it, then steadied myself and reread it, then looked back at all the biblical passages at play. What was happening in my heart? I realized for the first time the profound diversity within the creation account. I thought, there is clearly room to breathe within Genesis chapter one and Genesis chapter two! God’s creation from the beginning of time has always been immense, diverse, and non-binary.

For reference, Dr. Harper is not necessarily communicating a radically new concept. These very ideas have been expressed by other affirming scholars and respectful theologians over the years (see his works cited page within the book itself), but this was quite new for me at the time. It’s part of my story of gradually becoming awakened to receive more and more of God’s heart for all people. With that said, I invite you to read this excerpt slowly, thoughtfully, prayerfully.

First, creation is nonbinary.

The first creation story in the Bible, Genesis 1:1–2:4, is a liturgical narrative in praise of God’s generative work over six days, it celebrates the nondual/nonbinary creation of all things. There are pairings in the story—heavens/earth, night/day, and land/sea—but none of the pairings is a doublet. Every pairing is a spectrum within which a variety of expressions occur. For example, in the night/day pairing there is dawn, early morning, midmorning, noon, early afternoon, midafternoon, early evening, evening, night, midnight, and more night—before the whole cycle starts over again. Night and day are a biblical pairing, but they are not a doublet. Every other pairing in the creation story is also a spectrum metaphor, not a binary one. We live in a cosmos that is marvelously varied. The writer of Genesis saw this and celebrated it on the Sabbath.

The arrangement of creation in a nondual/nonbinary fashion emerges from a source prior to the creation: the nature of God as Trinity, which is an essential oneness that makes room for diversity. The God we know and worship is three in one. So it is not surprising that what is made would be congruent with the maker. The cosmos is a mirror of its creator. Richard Rohr describes it this way: “The inner life of the Trinity has become the outer life of all creation. . . . If a loving Creator started this whole thing, then there has to be a ‘DNA connection,’ as it were, between the One who creates and what is created.”

With this revelation of diversity from the biblical text itself, and from related theological interpretation of the scripture, it’s amazing that when the writer of the first creation story describes the male/female pairing, some theologians insist that it is only a doublet, a two. This assumption is inconsistent with all the other pairings from the creation narrative in praise of the creator. It also runs counter to the understanding of humanity, which the natural and behavioral sciences are revealing today. The pairings are spectrum categories, not twos. Everything that exists does so in a nonbinary fashion…

Second, creation of the species.

We see evidence of species in the biblical word translated as kind. The Hebrew word miyn is most nearly what we mean today when we speak of species. By using the word kind, we may easily think of the word as singular, and that would be accurate if by that we mean singularity—that is, arising from a common oneness. But the Genesis writer uses it more than once, and uses it to describe a variety of things created “each according to its kind”—the Bible’s way of acknowledging diversity. But how many species are we talking about? Most scientists say it’s impossible to know for sure because species are simultaneously dying out and being discovered. But when pressed, a number of 8.7 million emerges as a reasonable estimate.

We know this by observation. Think of the many kinds of flowers we are describing when we use the word flower. Then, put any other word on the table—fish, dog, vegetable. Every “kind” is simultaneously a one and a many. Why would we think it would be any different when we come to humankind? The combination of a pervasive nonbinary creation with the biblical idea of kind makes it difficult to imagine that we would develop a theology where the word two defines humanity. But that is the polarizing message we have been given by defenders of an “either/or” exclusionary Christianity. The problem is that a binary interpretation does not arise from the creation story itself. Rather, we see the message of species, with the additional use of plural words to describe what God was making: waters, plants, seeds, trees, lights, stars, birds, animals, livestock, crawling things, and wildlife (see Gen 1:6-25). The ontological message is one of plurality, diversity, and variety—at work in every aspect of creation. Humanity is no different. The writer of the first creation story ends the account saying that “God completed all the work that he had done” (Gen 2:2).

Third, the creation narrative is a liturgical moral insight.

The creation story is not only about ontology but also about morality. The core word for this is good. The word is used seven times in the first creation story, with the phrase “very good” used at the end of the creation process. When something is good, it is inherently valuable, contributive to the whole (as in the sense of fit and purpose), beautiful to behold, and morally righteous. This is the way God viewed the entirety of creation. God was pleased with everyone and everything, God blessed everyone and everything. All means all.

Within the idea of goodness we find a very important notion. In theological language it is called original righteousness, the story revealed in the pre-fall narrative that we read in Genesis 1 and 2. Unfortunately, some begin their interpretation of sexuality by using the story of the fall in Genesis 3 to allege that an LGBTQ identity is an expression of the fall. But that is reading something into the text, not what the text itself says. Of course, our sexuality is fallen, like everything else, but there is no basis for alleging that this pertains to sexual identity. That assumption is made in relation to a binary (male/female, heterosexual) view of creation—a view shown above to be inaccurate. The Bible more nearly defines sexual fallenness in terms of unfaithful behavior (e.g., sexual immorality and adultery), not identity. In fact, to allege that an LGBTQ identity is a distortion of God’s creation is one of the key misinterpretations that lead LGBTQ people to believe they are somehow less than fully human. From that conclusion about subhuman identity, individuals are driven to do harm to themselves through dangerous behaviors and even to the point of taking their own lives. Instead of imposing a conclusion about fallen nature, we begin to do theology where the story begins in Genesis 1–2, with original righteousness, not original sin. This starting point is one of the keynotes in a biblical Wesleyan theology, and with respect to sexuality it is essential to nail down goodness before we hammer any kind of fallenness. Original righteousness is where we must begin.

Fourth, the image of God.

The preceding three insights reach their apex in the fourth element we see in the creation, that we are made in the image of God (Gen 1:26-28), in the likeness of God. It is from this reality that we get a theology of godliness. God has made everyone to be akin in human nature to what God is in divine nature. And in keeping with the three preceding points, all means all. By virtue of being made in the image of God we have the capacity to enter a relationship with God, a lover/beloved relationship. Thomas Merton described it this way: “To say that I am made in the image of God is to say that love is the reason for my existence, for God is love. Love is my true identity. Love is my true character. Love is my name.” This is the message the creator sends to us through the creation.

Author Steve Harper goes on to share many additional insights within this helpful little book, Holy Love. But again, this was the section that stopped me in my tracks! The state of wonder at God’s holy, beautiful, and diverse creation! I wonder what you’re reaction is to this theological understanding of creation:

• Creation as non-binary: Every pairing in Genesis chapters 1-2 is a spectrum within which a variety of expressions occur.

• Creation of a species: The diversity of every species is acknowledged when the Genesis author speaks of God creating each according to their kind.

• The creation narrative is a liturgical moral insight: People who are LGBTQ are not a distortion of God’s creation. They are not less than fully human.

• The image of God: By virtue of being made in God’s image, we all have the capacity to enter a relationship with God, a lover/beloved relationship.

What are your thoughts? Do any of these theological insights move the needle for you pertaining to becoming more LGBTQ inclusive? I would love to hear your thoughts below. In what way is Harper’s perspective on creation helpful to you in your journey? Or on the other hand, in what way do you find yourself resistant to the teaching above, pushing back against the theological perspective in this article? Share your thoughts in the comments below.

Works Cited: Steve Harper, Holy Love: A Biblical Theology for Human Sexuality (Abingdon Press, 2019), 16-20

NOW, IN LIGHT OF PRIDE MONTH:

Message from my wife Vicki, owner of The Salty Pigeon:

SOO are you ready for PRIDE MONTH? We have many items to have you be decked out at every PRIDE event! Check out our website for the latest gear: Salty Pigeon Shop.

Here are a couple t-shirts to consider purchasing for Pride:

I’d love to hear from you in the comments below. As always, unkind or accusatory comments will not be tolerated on this forum. We welcome civil dialogue and questions asked in good faith. Comment, share insights, add additional stories, ask real questions. If you have a question or a thought that you’d rather not ask publicly, feel free to message me directly. You are loved.

Filling the Pulpit

This morning, I was invited to preach at Beloved United Methodist Church, the church that Vicki and I have been gladly attending for the last three years. Today happens to be Trinity Sunday and I preached a trinitarian message about how the Lord our God is relational! It was such a delight to talk about some life-giving times with God the Father, God the Son, God the Holy Spirit! From my vantage point, I’m willing to let go of my things in this life, but I’m not willing to let go of this vital relationship with the Living God. I am willing to deconstruct and reconstruct many things in this life, but I’m not willing to part ways with this. My relationship with God has never been on the chopping block. For as mentioned in my sermon, I’m not willing to lose any ground I’ve gained from this precious, life-giving relationship with the triune God.

In light of filling the pulpit today, I simply didn’t have the energy to write a Substack article this week. But, you are certainly welcome to listen in on my sermon from this morning, and see the fruit of my creative work for the week.

Here’s the YouTube Sermon Link: Experiencing the Trinity - Conrad Esh

I’d love to hear from you in the comments below, even sharing some of your story. Let’s compare notes and grow together in the love of God. However, so we’re clear, unkind or accusatory comments will not be tolerated on this forum. We welcome civil dialogue and questions asked in good faith. Comment, share insights, add additional stories, ask real questions. If you have a question or a thought that you’d rather not ask publicly, feel free to message me directly.

Lessons on Trusting God

In 2005, my wife Vicki and I started a new church in the small town of Urbana, Ohio. It was a Mennonite-turned-Vineyard church planting effort. We pastored the young congregation, Crossway Vineyard Church, for a solid ten years. Even though it wasn’t always smooth sailing, we learned so many valuable things in that city and we partnered with many relational, Jesus-loving people. The town of Urbana, therefore, holds a special place in our heart. Most notably, our three beautiful daughters (now in their twenties!) were born in Urbana and attended the city schools when they were young.

When our time serving Crossway Vineyard was drawing to a close, we felt like God was leading our family to go to Thailand as overseas missionaries. You heard me correctly! We were heading to Bangkok, Thailand, a city with an estimated 14 million people! We left the church in good hands with a competent group of leaders and prepared our family to go overseas for a three-year assignment, possibly longer.

Our focus became the following:

• We began the process of raising the support money for our family of five to fly to and live in the city of Bangkok. A quarter of a million dollars would need to be raised!

• We sold most of our things, and we even found a new home for our dog, Hudson.

• And hardest of all, we were preparing to say goodbye to our parents and siblings, along with so many dear friends. Our children were saying goodbye to their grandparents, cousins and classmates for a minimal three-year period.

We were still willing to go.

At the time, it felt like the logical next step and felt like obedience to the voice of God. We would be partnering with some dear friends who were already doing a good work in Thailand and Laos, and we would be joining them in their efforts. Additionally, we always had a love for different cultures, religions, and languages. We were ready and willing, and at times happy, to go.

However, when we were a few short months away from purchasing the tickets and flying our family of five to Asia, we made the difficult decision to hit the brakes on this missionary endeavor. We hit the breaks suddenly; we hit the breaks hard and definitively! We no longer had the peace we needed to take our family across the globe. How can you move to Southeast Asia without the accompanying peace from the Lord? There is actually a long list of reasons why we couldn’t move forward, why we no longer had a settled feeling, why we felt God was closing the door and dead bolting it shut. I will spare you the details as it tends to be a long, tedious story; it’s hard to know where to start and when to stop. But I will say two things about it all: First, it was the right decision to not go, and secondly, it lead to a confusing, disorienting time for the Esh family.

At that time, our temporary home became Pigeon, Michigan, the very place where my wife was born and raised. We lived there for one year. This became a season of profound peace and healing. Located on the tip of the thumb of Michigan, it became a place of rest for the family. Between our time of pastoring in Urbana, Ohio, and eventually pastoring in Marysville, Ohio, our family lived and worked in Michigan for a twelve month period.

One day while in Michigan, I was walking up and down the Saginaw Bay, asking God for his perspective on all that had transpired. While looking at the tranquil water, I had the clear impression from the Lord, “I’ve closed the door to Thailand. Will you trust me?”

I responded, “Lord, I will trust you.”

The Lord again started reminding me of my calling to be a pastor, which felt comforting to me during that walk at the water’s edge. My prayer became the following:

Lord Jesus, I trust you at your word, even if things don’t make sense from where I stand in the world. I trust your leadership in my life, even when my days get confusing and my life seems to be unraveling. I will trust you, even though things feel as messy as heck. Lord, I remember giving my life to you at the age of 16, and therefore, why would I take my life back now? My life is still in your hands after all these years. I trust you, even now.

The Apostle Paul’s words came to mind during that same walk by the Saginaw Bay.

“I consider my life worth nothing to me…if only I might finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me” (Acts 20:24).

At that time, Vicki and I trusted God as we tried to discern next steps for our family. That’s when God opened a door of opportunity for us to pastor alongside our good friend/mentor Steve Wood and his wife Colleen. They were pastoring Vineyard Marysville Church and they called us to join them in their city, at their church. This was the summer of 2015. We knew it was God leading us to Marysville to help pastor the church. Unlike the missionary assignment to Thailand, there was peace that accompanied the southward drive to central Ohio. After settling into a new home and purchasing a new dog, we went on to help lead that congregation for approximately eight years, which became the setting and the backdrop for so much of this Substack memoir, entitled, “Chronicles of Surprise.”

Over the years, not a lot has changed as far as my relationship with God. I’m still on this journey of trying to trust the Lord Jesus at every turn. My heart and my approach largely remains the same, praying:

Lord, of course I will trust you! I gave you my life to you as a teenager in Lancaster County, Pennsylvania, why would I take my life back now? My life is still in your hands.

In recent years, I have felt the wind of the Holy Spirit again and I’ve sensed the voice of God leading me to the following three areas:

1. I’m pastoring people outside the four-walls of the local church. I still love the local church and enjoy attending Sunday morning services, but my ministry no longer includes receiving a salary from a local body. I’m not saying I will never do that again, but that’s certainly not the season I find myself in. Instead, God seems to be calling me to walk with people outside the sanctuary’s four walls. To care for those who have been hurt by the religious establishment. To support those who have been traumatized by well-meaning church folks who “police” the fellowship, which often manifests in harsh judgement without relationship or context.

2. I’m vocationally serving as a Bereavement Care Coordinator. I work with a hospice organization that serves central Ohio, called Tranquility Hospice. I love my role of supporting and caring for people after they’ve lost a loved one. I sense the peace of Jesus as I offer empathetic listening, spiritual encouragement and a compassionate presence. I love walking closely with people in their pain, helping them find hope and healing after devastating loss. This is what I do, and it certainly feels like the best part of pastoral ministry.

3. I’m also writing out our family story, via Substack. About this time last year, I felt compelled to write a clear accounting of our family story. As a conservative over the years, I never understood why certain parents would became fully affirming after their child came out as gay, bi, or trans. I just didn’t get it, I thought, isn’t the Bible clear on this? And so, it goes without saying, I never took the time to hear their particular story, nor did I take the time to learn from their incremental, beautiful-if-not-complex process. I have thought about this a lot, particularly since we have a family member who came out as gay. And now that I’ve changed my mind and now that I’ve become fully affirming myself, I didn’t want to just post a rainbow flag on Instagram and call it a day. I also didn’t want to give people an overly simplistic version of our story, much like a sound byte. Instead, I thought, “I’m going to give people the gift of the full story, that is, if they care to receive it. It would be our family’s complex saga, written out in long-form, sharing vulnerably from the beginning to the end.” I was thinking that maybe our story could help a lot of people, wherever they happen to land in the affirming -vs- non-affirming debate.

   1. It just might help my conservative-traditional leaning friends, helping them see how a Jesus-loving, Bible-believing person might reasonably become affirming at the end of the day.

   2. It just might help my liberal-progressive leaning friends, helping them understand why it takes some people years, even decades, to finally get to the place where they become a queer ally. It all takes time and it’s quite a process. Nobody turns on a dime. Nobody. All this to say, these were some of the initial reasons I felt compelled to write our story, which began last August and has now reached 27 chapters and counting (You can go back and read chapter one right here.)

In these three areas above, I still feel the wind of the Holy Spirit and the voice of God. In each of these areas, I sense the Lord inviting me to trust his kind, gentle leadership upon my life, even when I’m grossly misrepresented or misunderstood by other Christians. (And I’m not going to lie, that stings a bit!)

Through the noise, God says, “Child, will you trust me, even now?”

As far as I can tell, my heart remains the same as it was when I was trekking along the Saginaw Bay, back in 2014. To this day, I find myself affirming my continual love for the Lord of My Journey and his ongoing leadership in my life. I say, instinctively, “Father God, of course I will trust you. I will trust you to the moon and back, even now. Therefore, let’s keep going!”

I’d love to hear from you in the comments below, even sharing some of your story. Let’s compare notes and grow together in the love of God. However, so we’re clear, unkind or accusatory comments will not be tolerated on this forum. We welcome civil dialogue and questions asked in good faith. Comment, share insights, add additional stories, ask real questions. If you have a question or a thought that you’d rather not ask publicly, feel free to message me directly.

Some Christians say the following:

“The Bible says ‘God is love’ (John 4:8). And we all know the first and greatest commandment, according to Jesus, is to ‘love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind…and the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself’ (Matthew 22:37-38). I don’t care what the rest of the Bible says, I’m going to love God with everything I have. And I’m also going to simply love people, affirm their worth and their value in this world, and that’s the end of the story. Love God and love people. That’s how I plan to live the rest of my one and only life.”

Others Christians say this:

“When I appear before the judgment seat of Christ, I’d rather be charged with being too loving of LGBTQ+ people, than not loving enough. After all, Scripture does say, ‘Mercy triumphs over judgment’ (James 2:13). Therefore, I’m willing to take that risk when I appear before the Son of God on the Last Day, when I need to give an account of myself to him. On that great day, I’d rather risk being charged with the sin of being too loving or too affirming (if that is considered an offense at all), than the flip-side of that equation. I’d rather risk being too loving, than not loving enough.”

Now, I can certainly understand why LGBTQ+ affirming Christians say these things. I understand these perspectives and I view them as being far better than a more harsh, judgmental approach toward people. However, in my personal discernment process, I preferred a little more theological confidence than these statements seem to present at first take. I wanted to have a robust response to the biblical questions before I declared myself LGBTQ+ affirming, before I positioned myself to bless same-sex relationships in the same way that I bless heterosexual relationships.

In other words, I needed theological peace.

To me, these biblical questions have always felt so important, so vital, and oh so extremely weighty! We need to get this right, I thought, we need to “rightly divide the word of truth” (2 Timothy 2:15). I carried this sense of responsibility throughout our family saga. The biblical questions were front and center when our daughter came out publicly as gay back in 2020. The questions continued to feel weighty as, one after another, my entire family became LGBTQ+ affirming right in front of my watching eyes, long before I was ready to entertain such a thought. And more recently, even while being on the cusp of changing my mind and becoming queer affirming myself, these questions continue to feel weighty.

One might ask, why was this so intense for you, Conrad? Why did you carry this overwhelming weight of theological responsibility? Why couldn’t you rest?

If you’ve known me over the years, you know I’ve always been theologically conservative. I completed my undergrad work at Lancaster Bible College and later received a masters degree from Fuller Theological Seminary. The schools taught me the very things I’ve always known and believed to be true, such as treasuring the Holy Scripture as the divinely inspired, authoritative, God breathed text (2 Timothy 3:16-17). They highlighted how the Old Testament prophets “spoke from God as they were carried along by the Holy Spirit of God” (2 Peter 1:21). They affirmed the Word of God as “alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword… it judges the thoughts and the attitudes of the heart” (Hebrews 4:12). All this to say, I believe the Word of God is relevant for all of life. I believed that to be true yesterday and, quite frankly, I believe that even more today. Not only do I carry a weight of responsibility, I also have a baseline love for the written, inspired text!

Oh, how I love your law! I meditate on it all day long! (Psalm 119:97).

How sweet are your words to my taste, sweeter than honey to my mouth! (Ps 119:103).

Because of my love for Holy Scripture, my Bible reading is as routine as flossing and brushing my teeth; it is my regular morning practice while drinking my first cup of coffee. Even earlier today, for example, I got up and read the first couple chapters of the Gospel of John, and then proceeded to find solace within a poetic prayer from Psalm 63. It was medicine for my soul. Why do I value this practice of daily Bible reading?

When I read the Bible, I feel strengthened (Romans 10:17).

When I read the Bible, I discover more facets of this life-giving relationship with Jesus (John 5:39-40).

When I read the Bible, I feel less vulnerable to temptation (Psalm 119:11).

When I read the Bible, I am more prepared to love neighbors, care for marginalized people, and extend grace and kindness like my Lord (1 John 4:20).

When I read the Bible, I feel empowered to be more courageous and missional in everyday life (1 Peter 3:15).

Sidenote: And in light of my theological, pastoral training, I also felt weirdly compelled to give you a chapter and verse for every point I made above! I couldn’t help myself:)

As indicated, I have many practical reasons to continue reading and meditating on the Word of God. And while reading the written text, I value both the whole of Scripture (the overarching grand narrative) and the individual parts of Scripture (the sentence by sentence, verse by verse flow of the text). I love it all and I particularly appreciate how it all culminates in the Person of Jesus - his unconventional ministry on earth, his sacrificial death on the cross, his mighty resurrection on the third day, his ascension to the right hand of God the Father, his role of sending the Holy Spirit to empower everyone to continue his beautiful, merciful work on the earth. I love it all! Death, burial, resurrection! Father, Son, and Holy Spirit! I love it all!

LGBTQ+ Discernment Process

Now, returning to my LGBTQ+ discernment process: If I really treasure this God-breathed text as much as indicated above, why was I open to potentially changing my mind about something that is spelled out so clearly in black and white? It’s a fair question that many dear friends have asked. Another relevant question is this: What caused me to be open-minded enough to revisit the sacred words pertaining to the hot-button topic of same-sex monogamous relationships?

Revisiting the Sacred Text

Let me first say, those who take a fresh look at the Bible are not deviant. They are not necessarily going off the deep end; they are certainly not committing the unpardonable. Instead, there are many good, healthy reasons that cause Jesus-loving people, like my wife Vicki and me, to take a fresh look at the Bible. They revisit the sacred text, only this time, they approach the biblical story with a host of questions they’ve never considered asking before. One could say, “Same Bible, new questions.”

But, where do these new questions originate from? Most notably, life experience.

When people experience a challenging situation or a traumatic life event, it can be very disorienting for a devout biblicist. The challenging life experience may not fit neatly and snuggly into the biblical story they’ve learned since childhood. When that happens, how do people handle the biblical text in question? What do people do when their lived, embodied experience does not line up with long-held assumptions as to what the Bible teaches and affirms?

Some people, after their foundation has been shaken in this way, instinctively judge the written Word, saying, “Well, I guess the Bible has gotten this one wrong!” Others might say, “The Bible is clearly not relevant for contemporary society as we know it. I see the Bible as an ancient, outdated compilation of human-crafted writings.”

I would suggest that there are better ways forward than quickly dismissing the inspired, albeit ancient, biblical text. This is precisely what Vicki and I tried to do after our daughter Lydia came out as gay years ago. After we heard our girl’s story and after we heard so many other painful stories from the queer community, we realized many of our assumptions about the Bible were faulty. Based on these life-on-life experiences, we then made a definite decision, which was really not a decision at all: We would step toward the Holy Scriptures, as opposed to stepping away from it all. To me, this was not that much different than the “choice” between loving the Lord or loving our gay child. That was really no choice at all. We would love them both. In a similar way, the Lord was not asking us to choose between delighting in the Bible or delighting in the diversity of God’s creation, which includes LGBTQ+ people. We would delight in both.

With encouragement from the Holy Spirit, therefore, my approach was to revisit the biblical passages, not with a spirit of contempt against the written word, but with a spirit of curiosity and wonder. I would prayerfully and thoughtfully approach the text with all my questions. Could it be that we’ve missed something along the way? Could it be that the church has gotten something wrong concerning the collective contempt against queer people? Could it be that the Spirit of God wants to communicate something new to our generation, something that previous generations may have either missed or have only seen in part?

To look back on the sacred text like this, with fresh lenses based on brand-new experiences, is a normal part of Christian discipleship. Even though Scripture doesn’t change and God doesn’t change, we most definitely change. In fact, we’re all changing and evolving all the time! And as we change, the Spirit of God can open our eyes to see so many new things within the beautiful writings of Scripture. This understanding gave me profound peace. This understanding eventually gave me the courage to reexamine the Bible with curiosity and wonder, as stated. I decided to take another hard look at the Bible verses that seem to speak negatively about gay and lesbian people. I decided to revisit the text and do the hard work, alongside my wife and family.

Leaning Toward the Queer Community

There was another significant reason that enabled me to be open-minded enough to change my mind pertaining to this 21st century hot-button issue. God was revealing his love toward LGBTQ+ people. “Oh, so they’re on your mind too,” I remember praying to God after one such encounter. And that is precisely why I have been sharing one subjective experience after another subjective experience in recent chapters. These experiences were the very things that softened my heart toward people. And quite frankly, there were so many additional encounters I could have written about, but I chose not to include every impression, nor every prompting and prodding, nor every vision from God’s heart, nor every dream in the night. There were so many things I did not share.

I realize this approach of sharing a host of subjective experiences bothered some people. While reading our family story, I had a couple friends encourage me to cut to the chase and get right to the meat of God’s Word. My story was apparently too light-weight for them in this regard. They cautioned me against sharing too many touchy-feely experiences, without backing them up with appropriate biblical reflection. They said, in essence, “Why not just go right to the heart of the Bible and present your arguments to the world? Why not make your case upfront through unpacking the pertinent chapter-verses from scripture?”

These questions are not hard to answer. First, if I would go into all the theological underpinnings for LGBTQ+ affirming theology, that would become a radically different kind of book. It would no longer be a family story, as advertised; it would no longer be a memoir. Secondly, my desire is that this family story is transparent and sequential. I want to present an honest accounting of the events, as they happened. As much as possible, I wanted to step-by-step share how and why I’ve changed my mind pertaining to LGBTQ+ people. Therefore, the God encounters needed to be shared first. My mind would not have been opened if I had not had the surgical work of the Holy Spirit upon my heart. But after having these impressions from God about his love for the queer community and his call upon my life (“Gay people need a pastor too, etc.”), I then had an appropriate openness to relook at the biblical text pertaining to gay, lesbian, bi and trans people. Additionally, I was then more receptive to hearing from queer affirming scholars, pastors, teachers, historians, and ethicists. After so many impressionable times with the Holy Spirit, I was more ready to hear what others were saying about the creation story, about the Law, about the Sodom and Gomorrah account, about how Jesus approached marginalized people, about the eunuchs who were a sexual minority within scripture, about the writings of the Apostle Paul. I finally had ears to hear what the Spirit of God seems to be saying to the queer community in our day.

Another way to think about this: My overall posture was changing.

After God started speaking to me about his love toward LGBTQ+ people, that is when I began leaning toward them, as opposed to my previous default posture of leaning away. That in and of itself makes all the difference as far as having a receptivity toward affirming literature and affirming theology. And trust me, there is a huge difference between leaning toward queer people or leaning away from them.

When I was leaning away from LGBTQ+ people, for example, I was much more critical of gay-affirming theology. I didn’t know the authors, I didn’t trust their motives, I didn’t take their biblical arguments seriously. It felt like they were trying too hard to make the Bible say what they wanted it to say. Therefore, I didn’t give their biblical reflections a fair shake. When I was leaning away, I didn’t give them the time of day.

However, when I started leaning toward LGBTQ+ people in light of the movements of God upon my heart, I was then ready to study the arguments with an open heart and an active mind. I began reading gay-affirming theology with renewed interest, weighing carefully what the authors were saying. My goal was to be like the Berean Jews in the New Testament, receiving the message with eagerness and examining the Scriptures every day to see if what the “affirming scholars” were saying was true (Acts 17:11, paraphrase mine). And with this renewed posture of leaning toward LGBTQ+ people, I was now amazed at the wisdom many affirming authors had. Instead of rejecting the biblical text, they were gleaning helpful insight from within the text itself. Over the course of time and after much research, queer affirming theology began to seem quite plausible to me. I could certainly understand how reasonable, prayerful people might gravitate toward a more inclusive approach, derived directly from the ministry of Jesus and the early church. But remember, all of this began for me with a posture of leaning toward people. Without which, I don’t think any one of us would ever change our mind.

Upcoming

With that foundation now laid, we’re finally ready to take a closer look at the beautiful aspects of LGBTQ+ affirming theology. I will share some of the very things that moved the needle for me and my family. Among other things, I will attempt to answer the question that has troubled me over the years: What about the verses? What do affirming Christians do about the pertinent Bible verses that speak negatively about same-sex relational ties? Not only will I share what I’ve come to understand about some of these passages, I will also present a theological vision for the overarching narrative of the Bible. It’s the beautiful story of God, of course, within which more and more people are being enfolded. And it’s a family story at the end of the day.

I’d love to hear from you in the comments below, even sharing some of your story. Let’s compare notes and grow together in the love of God. However, so we’re clear, unkind or accusatory comments will not be tolerated on this forum. We welcome civil dialogue and questions asked in good faith. Comment, share insights, add additional stories, ask real questions. If you have a question or a thought that you’d rather not ask publicly, feel free to message me directly.

First Off, Happy Mother’s Day to my Readers!

While this certainly is a happy day for many moms, we also recognize it can be unbearably painful for others. After all, life is unfair and life is hard. For those who feel troubled this weekend (for whatever reason), I’m reminded of God’s tender-heartedness toward you and these beautiful words from Scripture also come to mind:

May you find peace and rest, an inner quietness from the Spirt of God, this weekend!

Progress Report: The Bible and LGBTQ+ Affirmation

As I was trying to write this next chapter of our family story, I knew it would be challenging to condense everything into 2,000 - 3,000 words (the typical range for the chapters up to this point). I knew I was not going to be able to say everything I wanted to say within that framework. And I certainly knew I would not be able to answer every question that people might raise on the heels of such an article. Impossible Task 101. If that was the goal, I would drive myself absolutely crazy in the progress. For there are so many interpretations and perspectives drawn from the richness of the biblical text! Entire books have been written about the subject of Christianity and queer affirmation, for example. And going a step further, entire books have been written solely on Romans chapter 1, for example, let alone the whole of Scripture. Therefore, the material I’m drawing from is vast. So I’m now trying to step back, take some deep breaths, and ask the questions, “What do I want to say about my unique journey? What has influenced me to change my mind on this critical issue, one that involves real people who stand in front of me. What moved the needle for me; what gave me theological peace?”

In the middle of the week, therefore, I changed my approach on this next chapter of our family story. I will now break it into two chapters, The Bible and LGBTQ+ Affirmation (part 1) and The Bible and LGBTQ+ Affirmation (part 2). This is what I’m thinking for the next couple chapters:

The Bible and LGBTQ+ Affirmation (part 1) - The first part will deal with how and why I came to the place of being open-minded enough to even relook at Scripture. To revisit the Biblical passages on this issue. Back in 2023-2024, why was I open to reexamining the Word of God pertaining to LGBTQ+ people? As I reflected on this, there were actually 8-10 things that helped me to eventually say, “Okay, I’m going to relook at the text and study this subject more deeply.” Keep in mind, nobody is changing the Biblical narrative (“the Bible is what the Bible is”), but based on our experiences with real people and based on new understandings along the way, we can look back at the Bible with a fresh perspective. When we do this, we sometimes see things we never saw before. When we do this, we sometimes learn things we never learned before. That’s part 1.

The Bible and LGBTQ+ Affirmation (part 2): The second part answers the question: What about the verses? What do affirming Christians do about the pertinent verses, which some call the clobber passages, that seem to speak directly against same-gendered sexual activity? Again, this is an impossible task for one short chapter in the family story, but I will attempt to give the cliff notes version of what helped me to have theological peace along the way. I will attempt to speak briefly to the individual verses (in part, not in full), along with looking at the grand narrative and the beautiful mission of God throughout the Bible. That’s part 2.

Part 1 will be dropped next week, if everything goes along as expected.

Now, Recommended Video:

While you wait for those chapters to reach your inbox, I highly recommend listening to Dr. David Gushee’s journey of what led him to change his mind. If you’ve been following my Substack closely, you likely know Gushee’s story. This video was particularly helpful to me a couple years ago, along with so many other insightful videos, podcasts and books. The reason I’m highlighting this video today is because I listened to it again this week and enjoyed it all over again. I think Gushee makes some great points pertaining to what God is doing in the world today. Among other things, he gives this controversial take:

I noticed that there was a growing gap opening up between cultural acceptance of LGBTQ people and Christian refusal to change our mind… between cultural acceptance and Christian lack of acceptance. And what Christians were saying was, “That’s because the culture is going to hell, and we need to stand firm.” But I began to wonder whether the culture was actually, more likely, getting it right. You know, if there is a gap between increasing tolerance and acceptance, and increasing intolerance and lack of acceptance, which most reflects the Spirit of Jesus? It reminded me of Luke 15:1, where the tax collectors and sinners were coming near to listen to him and the Pharisees and scribes were grumbling, saying, ‘This fellow welcomes sinners and eats with them.’ Jesus was known for inclusive love, reaching out toward those on the margins. And the church is known for exclusive contempt. So, who has got the Spirit of Jesus? That became an open question for me.

Below is the video link for Dr. David Gushee entire presentation, called, “Full Inclusion for LGBTQ Christians.” Much peace to you are you discern next steps for you and your family!

YouTube video link: Dr. David Gushee: Full Inclusion for LGBTQ Christians

I’d love to hear from you in the comments below, even sharing some of your story. Let’s compare notes and grow together in the love of God. However, so we’re clear, unkind or accusatory comments will not be tolerated on this forum. We welcome civil dialogue and questions asked in good faith. Comment, share insights, add additional stories, ask real questions. If you have a question or a thought that you’d rather not ask publicly, feel free to message me directly.

During this story pause, let’s begin with some questions.

Who comes to your mind when I say the word gay or lesbian? What image surfaces in your mind? What kind of person are they? What about bisexual? Who immediately comes to the forefront of your mind? What about trans men, or trans women? What about non-binary individuals whom you’ve encountered? Who comes to mind and what qualities do they have? What are they like?

As I’m writing about LGBTQ+ people, the people who come to your mind might be wildly different than the people who come to my mind as I’m writing these articles on Substack. Keep in mind, we may not be comparing apples to apples. Just like there is a vast array of people who are straight, there are also a vast array of people who are LGBTQ+. Some are virtuous and kind, some are not. Some genuinely care about a relationship with God and the writings of Scripture, some do not. While some might be partying regularly with little sexual restraint, others would rather read a good book, watch Netflix, and dream of being in a long-term, monogamous relationship, even having a family someday. In other words, not every gay or trans person is the same as the last gay or trans person you encountered on Main Street last week. Every person is created in the image of God, absolutely, and every person is wildly distinct.

When I was in my mid-twenties, for example, I had different images in my mind about people who were gay. From my limited sample size of gay people I met along the way, they were all attracted to the Jesus in me. At least, those were the encounters I remembered when I was fresh out of college.

If you would have asked me about queer people, I would have said, “They need Jesus,” and I would have likely mentioned one of three scenarios.

I had a former coworker, who lived a secretly promiscuous lifestyle as a closeted gay man. His conservative Christian family didn’t know about his one night stands with random strangers. He found an outlet for his sexual urges, but he also found guilt and shame. He wanted me to pray for him. He trusted me because I had previously shared with him about some personal struggles I overcame through Jesus. Because I was vulnerable about mistakes I’ve made, he trusted me as a confidant.

I also met a lesbian in the city of Reading, Pennsylvania, who gave me a flower and told me she sees a peacefulness in me. Since she knew I was a Christ follower, she asked if I had any material for her to read about Christianity. She clearly didn’t have peace and thought true peace might be found in Jesus.

I also took a college course with a lesbian student, who was impressed when I talked with her about my work in Hong Kong as a short term missionary. She said, “I think it’s awesome that you have something you would give your life for, something you would die for. I don’t have anything like that. Sometimes I wish I had something to give my life for. My only ambition is to go to San Francisco where there is more freedom and where there’s not as much hate and bullying for gay people.”

These were the three predominant images I had in my mind. Based on this ridiculously small sample size, I assumed the following about gay people:

They lack sexual restraint and need Jesus to remove profound guilt and shame.

They lack peace of mind, and need Jesus to give them rest and peace.

They lack a compelling vision for their lives, and need Jesus to give them purpose.

However, since my daughter came out as gay and since we’ve met so many amazing LGBTQ+ people in recent years, I now realize these statements are not true for everyone. There are many queer folks who live virtuous lives, have peace of mind, and have a compelling vision for their lives. Many LGBTQ people pray to Jesus regularly. Just like with straight people, not all gay people are created equal, with similar values. They are not all the same.

I’d love to hear from you in the comments below, even sharing some of your story. Let’s compare notes and grow together in the love of God. However, so we’re clear, unkind or accusatory comments will not be tolerated on this forum. We welcome civil dialogue and questions asked in good faith. Comment, share insights, add additional stories, ask real questions. If you have a question or a thought that you’d rather not ask publicly, feel free to message me directly.

May 2006

“When I think about the church, it’s quite painful. Years ago, I vowed to never set foot in a church building again. So far, I’ve kept that vow.”

These were the words of a middle aged gay man in 2006. His name was Jeff (not his real name). He was a store owner in downtown Urbana, Ohio. And at the time, I was a young church planter in the city. Since our new church start-up was renting space for Sunday worship in a public building, I didn’t have a pastor’s office. Therefore, I secured office space on the second floor, above some businesses near the city square.

That’s where I met Jeff.

We talked off and on while he was taking smoke breaks outside his establishment. In light of his feminine mannerisms, I assumed he was gay from the first hello. And after learning I was a pastor, he started talking with me about the challenges of being a gay man and walking into evangelical churches. “It’s not for the faint of heart,” he said. He gave me some teasers about what life was like in his world, and suddenly I wanted to know more. This felt like a God-given learning opportunity.

“Jeff, I would love to hear your entire story sometime, as much as you want to share with me. I love hearing people’s stories. How about we meet for breakfast sometime and you share your story - experiences with God, church, life, anything you want to share? Would you be open to that?”

He raised his eyebrows, visibly surprised. He said, “Honestly, no one ever asked me to share my story, especially not a minister.” He paused. “I would love to share from my life, if you’re open to hearing some crazy sh*t.”

It was a Saturday morning when we found our way into a corner booth at Country Kitchen Restaurant. Jeff had perfectly combed blond hair, and wore a denim jacket with a silky floral scarf around his neck. He took off the scarf as we sat down for breakfast.

After the food order was placed, I started feeling a bit uncomfortable. I wondered for the first time, do people think I’m his partner? Does the waitress, whom he’s clearly acquainted with, think we’re on a first date? I intentionally pushed away all these anxious, random thoughts. After all, this was not about me and making myself look good in our conservative small town. This was about Jeff. I showed up to hear his story.

“I was an alcoholic,” Jeff said, “I had no control over my drinking when I was in my early 20’s. The bottle was my master and commander. And not only that, but my thoughts were getting darker and darker by the day. At times, I was suicidal. But here’s where it gets wild: It was around this time when I felt the presence of a strong, powerful demon that seemed to be standing securely on my left shoulder. This demon wasn’t going anywhere. It was strong, looming, and it scared the sh*t out of me.”

I leaned in, fully engrossed in Jeff’s story. Over the years, I’ve learned a lot about angels, demons, and spiritual warfare, and I wondered where this story might be going. He paused to take a sip of diner coffee from the small, white mug, then proceeded with his story.

“Eventually, I told my Baptist grandma about the demon. My grandma was a devout Christian believer. You would have liked her, Conrad; she was a strong woman. My grandma looked at me and said, ‘Don’t you worry about a thing, Jeffrey. God can certainly take care of that evil spirit.’ She went on to give me clear directives, saying, ‘What you need to do, Jeffrey, is go to your room and tell that demon, with an authoritative voice: In the powerful name of the Lord Jesus Christ, I command you to leave right now.’ So, do you know what I did?”

He paused, waiting for me to respond.

“Go on,” I said, “Did you follow Grandma’s advice?”

“Hell, yeah,” Jeff said, “I listened to Grandma and followed what she said step by step. She seemed to have the manual on these things. I went back to my apartment. I went into my room. I said to the demon, ‘In the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, I command you to leave.’ And do you know what happened?”

This time Jeff didn’t wait for me to respond. He clapped his hands together loudly, for effect.

He said, “That demon left like lightning, like a rocket. Just like that, it was gone. There was power in Grandma’s prayer and that demon left in a flash.”

He smiled when he told me that story. That was one story among many stories of God’s obvious involvement throughout Jeff’s life. This was consistent with what God had been teaching me during that season as a young pastor in Urbana, Ohio. The kingdom of God is advancing both within the fours walls of the church and outside the religious establishment. God is at work everywhere.

“Jeff, thank you for trusting me with your story. Your life is fascinating. And what I’m hearing is this, God has clearly been working in your life in so many ways over the years.”

“I guess he has,” he said, as tears began to well up in his eyes, “I guess he has.”

“And do you know what keeps coming to mind?” I said, “I think about how much Jesus loves you. And who knows, over the course of time, maybe someday you can risk going back to church again.”

“Oh, please, put a pause on that thought, pastor. There’s one thing I do know. I absolutely know that church cathedrals are not for me. Stained glass windows, Sunday morning platitudes, and family-style potlucks are not in the cards for me. Never. Ever. Jesus and God are one thing, the church is a whole different animal. Church is not a safe place for a gay man like me.”

This was 2006. Even though this conversation was so intriguing and meaningful to me, this marked the first and last time that I went out of my way as a pastor to hear the story of someone who is LGBTQ+. It was the last time, that is, until my daughter came out quietly to my wife Vicki and I nine years later. Since then, I’ve been on high alert. I’ve been on notice. I’ve been observing God’s fantastic activity among queer people, many of whom have been hurt by the church and marginalized within society.

And, just like with Jeff from Urbana, I’m now realizing something about the Lord’s missional heart: God has always been at work among LGBTQ+ people.

May 2024

During this season of my life, I found myself anticipating a move of God among LGBTQ+ people. There was something in the air. Throughout my life, I’ve noticed a clear pattern of how God communicates to me, particularly if it’s something big that he doesn’t want me to miss out on. In other words, God knows how to get my attention, much like how he knows how to get your attention. For me, when God wants to communicate something vitally important, the Lord speaks in a variety of ways and over the course of time. God doesn’t simply speak in one way, he speaks in a myriad of ways. Such as, God speaking through the biblical text, God speaking through people, God speaking through prophetic utterances and words of wisdom, God speaking through dreams and visions, God speaking through books and literature, God speaking through art and music, and on and on. God speaks in a myriad of ways. I experienced this back in 1993 when the Lord was calling me to be a pastor of a local church. God spoke in a variety of ways to convince my mind and heart of that ministerial calling. Similarly, this is what I was experiencing in 2024, not a calling to lead the local church as before, but this time a calling to love LGBTQ+ people and to witness the power of the Holy Spirit upon this marginalized community.

During this season, in addition to all the other ways God was speaking, he also spoke through the medium of motion pictures.

The movie Jesus Revolution came out in February of 2023. I watched it three times.

Every time I watched it, I had tears streaming down my face. I was literally sobbing in my living room! The movie was not about LGBTQ+ people, but while I watched it, all I could think about was an eventual spiritual awakening among the queer community. This is what God was putting on my heart.

For those who don’t know, Jesus Revolution is a powerful retelling of the thousands upon thousands of hippies who came to faith in Jesus on the beaches of southern California in the late 1960’s and early 1970’s. I’ve heard various versions of this move of God over the years, since both the Calvary Chapel and the Vineyard church movements trace their spiritual lineage back to this improbable work of grace. I say it was improbable because, at the time, nobody saw it coming. God’s astounding grace was reaching young people whom many considered impossible to be reached with the Good News of Jesus. After all, they were dirty hippies. They loved rock ‘n roll, they valued free expression and anti-establishment ideals, they were participants in the sexual revolution of their day. And many took psychedelic drugs to support their quest for spiritual encounters. They were off the rails.

All of this, along with having a widespread longing for the presence of God.

Many displaced hippies, living far from home, began making their way into established churches in southern California. Most of them were turned away at the front door and were not welcomed by the religious faithful. It was too uncomfortable for the church. The unconventional appearances of the young hippies - their long hair, bare feet, eccentric clothing - often caused deep friction within congregations.

Pastor Chuck Smith, the eventual leader of the Calvary Chapel church movement, experienced the criticism firsthand. He was a preacher who began welcoming hippies into his church. His faithful church members, many who had deep pockets and supported the church financially, were furious with Pastor Chuck’s new-found openness to hippies.

One scene in the movie portrayed three older men, all clean-cut congregants wearing suits and ties, cornering Pastor Chuck in his church office. This was how the conversation played out:

Disgruntled Leader 1: These kids are run aways, most of them. They’ve got drug addictions, and medical issues.

Pastor Chuck: Well, they need our help.

Disgruntled Leader 2: Yeah, but Chuck, they need to go home. They’re making our congregation uncomfortable.

Pastor Chuck: Maybe we should be uncomfortable. Maybe it’s my job to make us uncomfortable…and I haven’t been doing it.

Disgruntled Leader 3: Chuck, stop. That’s enough. This is a house of worship. And yes, we expect a certain level of dignity here. These girls are wearing halter tops and half of them are not even wearing shoes.

Disgruntled Leader 1: They’re staining the new shag carpet with their bare feet.

Even with all the criticism coming his way, Pastor Chuck was undeterred. He knew what God was leading him to do. He continued to provide a strong message of welcome to every young person who came to his church. He did not treat them as second class citizens in the kingdom of God. They can be full participants in the Christ-centered, Bible-believing church.

During one service, many long-standing members finally had enough. They walked out during the sermon, with large Bibles in hand. They were angry as they stormed out the sanctuary’s back door, shaking their heads in disgust. These prim and proper Christians never came back, for they disapproved of the beautiful people the Spirit of God was bringing into the family of faith.

After they exited in such dramatic fashion, the next scene brought me to tears. One older man, the very person who expressed concern about staining the new shag carpet, stood up and walked over to an opposite side of the church, the side where a large group of long-haired, barefooted, beaded hippies were sitting. He made his way into the center of the group and sat down in the middle of young people. He put his arms around them, smiling. The people remaining in the church clapped and cheered. From his place of newfound freedom, the once-disgruntled leader now said loudly, “Alright pastor, let’s begin.”

Why did this scene move me emotionally? Again, I was not thinking about hippies; I was now thinking about LGBTQ people and what God had been putting on my heart for quite some time. God had been speaking through the Bible, through conversations with people, through books and literature, through prophetic words, etc. But now, God was speaking through this motion picture. It was a vision I had been resisting for quite some time, but now I was beginning to open my heart to it all. I saw in my mind’s eye a move of God that affects the queer community and those who support and love them. God met me in my living room that day, with a tissue box on my lap. Through tears, a vision was formulating of what could be through the power of the Holy Spirit of God. A spiritual awakening for everyone looking to Jesus by faith, both LGBTQ+ and otherwise.

We all get to experience God.

We all get to play.

I’d love to hear from you in the comments below, even sharing some of your story. Let’s compare notes and grow together in the love of God. However, so we’re clear, unkind or accusatory comments will not be tolerated on this forum. We welcome civil dialogue and questions asked in good faith. Comment, share insights, add additional stories, ask real questions. If you have a question or a thought that you’d rather not ask publicly, feel free to message me directly. You are loved.

During this story pause, allow me to introduce Bridget Eileen Rivera. She wrote an excellent book which impacted both Vicki and me during our discernment process. Rivera’s book, Heavy Burdens: Seven Ways LGBTQ Christians Experience Harm in the Church, weaves Scripture, history, and psychology to unveil the heavy burdens the American church often lays on its LGBTQ+ members. She also provides so many telling stories from the queer community. Rivera, who refers to herself as a celibate gay Christian, write this book not to persuade anyone toward affirming theology or non-affirming theology. That wasn’t the intent. Instead, she wrote it to uncover how the church at large is repetitively harming LGBTQ+ people, many times without even being aware of the pain inflicted upon their members. I view this eye-opening book as a much read! The following is an excerpt from Rivera’s writing that I found helpful in light of the negative approaches so many Christians have toward queer people.

Let’s begin with Casey’s story:

Casey attended a Christian academy through high school. In seventh grade, the teacher had students do a report on a well-known historical figure. Casey chose to write about Maya Angelou and referenced Angelou’s autobiography, where she speaks candidly about rape and sexual abuse.

“I was scolded by my mom and my teacher for choosing a figure who wrote candidly about her experiences with sexual abuse and the exploration of her own gender and sexual identity,” Casey recalled. “For me it really drove home the point that this is something we sweep under the rug.” Not surprisingly, Casey swept her own exploration of sexuality under the rug.

“I stopped myself from exploring or even just thinking about how I might feel.” In college, a friend came out to her, and she parroted the only words she could think to say. “I told her that I couldn’t support her because I don’t believe it’s right, but the words felt wrong the minute they came out of my mouth.”

Eventually, Casey started putting together the pieces of her own sexuality and realized that she was gay. It didn’t feel possible. Good Christians weren’t supposed to be anything but heterosexual. And yet here she was.

“I worried that I was going to be a disappointment to my family and my friends and also a disappointment to God,” Casey recalled. “I really cared what God thought of me. I really cared what this would do to my relationship with him. I didn’t want to be separated. I didn’t want to be outcast.”

Slowly, Casey started coming out, but no one in her Christian community responded well. One of her closest friends told her that “it’s absolutely impossible to be a Christian and also be attracted to the same sex” and that Casey “would not be going to heaven.”

“She told me that she would pray for me but that she would have to love me from afar,” Casey recalled, “and that’s the last that I’ve heard from her in six years.”

Casey went to her parents in tears, asking them if they would still be involved in her life if she chose to marry a woman and start a family, and they responded with silence. Another friend met up with Casey and directed the conversation toward homosexuality, informing Casey that she was “going to hell” and that God would not “bless her life” because of her homosexuality.

“It can make you feel like you’re not worth being loved,” Casey said. “People might say that how I’m loving somebody is wrong. But loving people from ‘afar’ and making them feel like an outcast? That’s not the love that’s in the Bible.”

---

Bridget Eileen Rivera’s Insights:

An uncomfortable disparity exists between how Christians apply the gospel to cisgender, heterosexual people and how they apply it to LGBTQ people. Grace extends to questions about sex, whether related to ethics or gender, only insofar as those questions exist within cisgender, heterosexual marriage. In effect, queer people must enter Christianity fully sanctified. You either do the right thing because you’re already saved, or you do the wrong thing because you’re not a real Christian in the first place.

Many Christians see nothing wrong with this arrangement. The thinking goes something like this: Would you say that a “murdering Christian” who was proud of being a murderer could be saved? What about a “pedophile Christian” who loves Jesus but also loves molesting children and just wants to be accepted that way? Would you say that a rapist could be a Christian and go on raping? You wouldn’t, would you? So why do you think it’s okay to say that a gay person can get married or a trans person transition and still be a Christian?

The trouble with this logic is that it presents a false equivalence, conflating sins of conscience with sins of violence. LGBTQ issues are not remotely comparable to murder, rape, and molestation. Queer people don’t wrestle with exploiting vulnerable people; they wrestle with how to embody their humanity in a way that is faithful to Jesus. Seeking to understand the boundaries of sexual sin and gender identity is not the same as wanting to violently harm another person.

Most Christians intuit this. Nobody, for example, accuses a pastor of justifying everything from murder to child molestation if he wants to have an honest conversation about whether it’s permissible to marry a previously divorced person. People don’t respond to questions about contraceptive sex by saying, “But what about the morality of rape?” We know it’s challenging to figure out the boundaries of Christian conviction. That doesn’t mean we lose all ability to determine right from wrong. It just means that moral questions exist that are difficult to figure out and that do require grace. Sins of conscience are inherently messy and confusing in ways that most sins of violence are not.

I would love to hear your thoughts on this piece in the comment section below.

Both Christians who are LGBTQ+ and allies to the queer community experience religious people saying, “I can no longer fellowship with you,” or, “I need to distance myself from you until you repent,” or from Casey’s story above, “I’m going to have to love you from afar.” This loving from afar is not Christ-like and is not helpful.

Additionally, to compare LGBTQ issues with violent sins such as murder, rape and child molestation is grossly unfair and deeply problematic. I wish I could say I’ve never heard Christian use these comparisons, but unfortunately I have. Rivera’s response is worth repeating: “Seeking to understand the boundaries of sexual sin and gender identity is not the same as wanting to violently harm another person.” Even if you don’t agree with someone calling themselves a “gay Christian,” for whatever reason, please learn to more lovingly argue your perspective. The extreme comparisons with violent crime is not doing anyone a favor. It is hurtful. It needs to stop immediately.

Works Cited: Bridget Eileen Rivera, Heavy Burdens: Seven Ways LGBTQ Christians Experience Harm in the Church (Brazos Press, 2021), 171-173.

I’d love to hear from you in the comments below, even sharing some of your story. Let’s compare notes and grow together in the love of God. However, so we’re clear, unkind or accusatory comments will not be tolerated on this forum. We welcome civil dialogue and questions asked in good faith. Comment, share insights, add additional stories, ask real questions. If you have a question or a thought that you’d rather not ask publicly, feel free to message me directly. You are loved.

April 2024

“Speak, Lord, your servant is listening” (1 Samuel 3:10).

It was Saturday morning and I was hiking alone in the Ohio woods. To my right, I looked down a steep embankment and observed a secluded river bed. As I paused to take in the view, I immediately thought of my friend’s science fair project from back in grade school. It’s funny the places the mind can go at a moment’s notice! My friend crafted a 3D model in the 5th grade, constructing a diorama using materials like clay, plaster, and Styrofoam to represent rivers, mountains, and plains. I remember watching him build his world.

After that memory surfaced, my imagination was awakened as I looked at the beautiful backdrop of my morning hike. I now pictured the sovereign hand of God sculpting the terrain. I pictured God artistically carving out the winding river bed that played out in front of me and snaked into the valley below me. Using my imagination, I visualized God the Creator at work, using his divine hand to purposefully carve out the trench for the river bed. I smiled at the work of creation.

Before I continued the hike, I had one more observation. The trees, the rocks, the descent, the river bank were all set in place, but where was the water? Where was the bubbling, lively stream bringing the wilderness to life? The river bed was in place; where was the river?

While observing this perceived absence, I asked the Lord a question, longing for God to speak as he had so many times in the past.

“What’s on your heart, Lord? I really want to know.”

It was a simple question. One that I had asked so many times over the last fifteen years. Typically, how this works is I ask the question and then I wait to see what the God of My Journey might highlight for that particular day. Upon asking the question, the response from God often comes like an intersecting thought. My thoughts are going in a definite direction, and then, the God of Heaven introduces a brand-new thought. An intersecting thought.

“What’s on your heart today, Lord?”

I’m aware there are thousands upon thousands of possible responses to this kind of open-ended question. Theologically, I’m also aware that God has a very big heart - a loving, seeking, active, eternal heart - and therefore, there are millions upon millions of things that are on God’s heart at any given time. He is the Lord of the Universe after all! Even with all the endless possibilities, what I like about this listening activity is that the Lord often communicates something pertinent to my life. He communicates something I need to pay attention to for that particular day, whether for prayer purposes or otherwise.

“What’s on your heart today, Lord?”

In the past, God has spoken about a variety of things, such as the youth in our community. Such as the human trafficking epidemic. Such as the pastors of our city. Or those struggling with additive patterns on our streets. Or the need to spend time with my immediate family, and on and on the list goes. During this particular day on my morning hike, God’s response brought me to tears.

ME: Lord, what’s on your heart today? (I waited.)

GOD: LGBTQ people.

ME: Oh, so they’re on your mind too! (When I said this out loud, I got emotional. I felt a closeness with the Lord at that moment. Apparently, we both have a soft spot for LGBTQ people.)

GOD: Yes, they’ve been on my mind for a long time.

ME: What do you think of them? (Again, I waited. I heard birds playfully singing and chirping in the background. I looked at the dry river bed once again, and then lifted my eyes to the blue-hued sky above the trees. I posed the question again.)

ME: What do you think of them, Lord?

God: I love them. They were created in my image, in my likeness.

For clarity, this was not an audible voice from God, like the Apostle Paul heard on the road to Damascus (Acts 9:4-7), or like the crowd heard when Jesus of Nazareth was baptized by John the Baptist (Luke 3:21-22). It was more like an internal-audible voice. I heard the words in my mind, much like an intersecting thought. The words were as clear as water, resembling a fresh, bubbling stream suddenly flowing through the dry river bed in front of me.

At the time, I knew it was God.

I share this story even though it’s subjective, personal, and sets me up for critique. Nonetheless, I share this as a vital part of the story; it is, after all, part of my journey toward me becoming LGBTQ+ affirming. This was one experience among many experiences. This was one impression among many impressions. In addition to this specific time with God in the woods, many other divine interactions occurred with my Bible opened on my desk, a lit candle at my side, and a prayer journal on my lap.

I always thought, “If I’m going to become LGBTQ+ affirming, God is going to have to do the initiating.” This was, therefore, one small example of this kind of initiation from the heavens. It was me sensing the tender-hearted leadership of the Lord, the Great Shepherd of my Soul, leading me to course correct. Leading me to an eventual change of mind.

Now, let me introduce Debra.

A few days after my hike in the woods, I met with a pastor friend named Debra (not her real name). I met her in her church office, which more closely resembled an art studio than a pastor’s study. After exchanging hellos, I shared with her the details of our complex story. I concluded by saying I’m now leaning affirming. The open and affirming language was still difficult for me to use out loud, so I didn’t say it. After all, what exactly did that label communicate to my more conservative family and friends? What exactly was I affirming, and what was I not affirming? I’m certainly not applauding everything that takes place on God’s green earth. Plus, I was not yet confident enough to share my position persuasively. I was still in process, a process that has now reached its seventh year. I was still not ready, or able, to speak with deep conviction and theological insight. Therefore, Debra, I’m leaning affirming.

Pastor Debra listened carefully to my story. Then she, in turn, shared about how several years prior she went through a theological process of her own, during which she almost became LGBTQ+ affirming herself. It dawned on me, even early in the conversation, that we were in very different places on the LGBTQ+ matter. Among other things, our contrasting positions made a huge difference vocationally. Pastor Debra gets to stay put as an influential leader within her denomination, and quite frankly, I don’t have that luxury. At the end of the day, she continues to stand behind her pulpit as a non-affirming person and continues to pastor her people. I, on the other hand, had to leave my post; I had to find new employment, and that, asap.

Debra went on to share her journey with me. Apparently, she felt a lot of pressure from church members to change her mind and reconsider her non-affirming stance. Those who applied the pressure were more than sporadic church attenders, they were some of her closest friends.

“Conrad, I tried hard to become affirming,” she said, choosing her words carefully, “I just came out of a four-year process of discernment, in which I legitimately wanted to be more theologically open and inclusive. I gave it my best shot, doing the research and everything. The city in which I minister, as you know, is more progressive and more liberal than the city of Marysville where you pastored. But even though I went through an intentional process, I couldn’t get to that desired place of LGBTQ affirmation.”

From Debra’s perspective, she read all the books, she did all the research, she prayed all the prayers. She had many conversations with LGBTQ+ people along the way. And she had many intense talks with affirming people within her congregation. Yet, she could not quite get there at the end of the day. A number of her friends were disappointed with her reluctance to change her mind on the matter. Many left the church in the aftermath of her four-year discernment process.

Their pastor just couldn’t get there.

Debra then got a serious look on her face. She was ready to give me some dirt.

“Honestly, some of the meanest people were among the LGBTQ affirming crowd. They jarred and poked at me. Their hateful rhetoric was off the charts. They seethed with bitterness about me not being willing to bless same-sex marriages, or about our denomination not being open to ordaining gay clergy. I lost some dear friends in the process, but I had to maintain my integrity.”

This was another marked difference between Debra’s journey and our family’s journey. To her, the meanest people were the affirming crowd, who represented the friendships she lost along the way. To Vicki and I, the meanest and most stern folks were the conservatives, those who used Scripture as a weapon rather than the healing balm it was intended to be. (For clarity, I don’t view all conservatives as theological bullies. Vicki and I have many dear friends and family members who remain non-affirming.)

Since she was close to becoming fully affirming, as stated, will Pastor Debra ever change her mind? She says she keeps the door slightly ajar. She’s still open to eventually becoming LGBTQ+ affirming, but the Lord is going to have to convince her heart in specific ways.

“God knows what I need to change my mind. I actually put out three fleeces before the Lord. If I’m going to become LGBTQ+ affirming, God is going to have to answer these three prayers. But up to this point, they have not been adequately answered for me to move forward.”

Debra’s three prayers:

1. Lord, convince me from Scripture. Show me something I haven’t seen before that gives theological peace.

2. Lord, speak to me about your heart for the LGBTQ+ community that puts me over the edge. Convince me through the Holy Spirit and an encounter with God.

3. Lord, show me the fruit of repentance and revival among LGBTQ+. Show me the gay revival; show me the LGBTQ+ move of God. Show me evidence of the fruit of repentance among queer people.

For my pastor friend Debra, these three questions had not yet been answered in a satisfactory way. Therefore, she remains non-affirming and continues to pastor a non-affirming church.

However, this conversation helped me in a beautiful way. When I applied Pastor Debra’s grid and looked closely at her three prayers, it dawned on me that her hang-ups were no longer my hang-ups. In my discernment process, these three things that she listed have been satisfied. First, God has revealed so many beautiful things from Holy Scripture that give me the necessary theological peace. I’ll share about this in upcoming chapters. Secondly, God has spoken to my heart about the LGBTQ community that has absolutely taken me over the edge. After all, didn’t I just highlight one such encounter during a hike in the Ohio woods? And thirdly, God has opened my eyes to see his beautiful, ongoing work among the queer community. I’m meeting many LGBTQ+ Christ-followers who are refreshingly loving, courageous and wise. Using Debra’s discernment grid, the Spirit of God has completely satisfied these three areas for me. Maybe not for her, but absolutely for me. I can put them to rest.

Was it time to start telling people I’m affirming and let the chips fall where they may?

I’d love to hear from you in the comments below, even sharing some of your story. Let’s compare notes and grow together in the love of God. However, so we’re clear, unkind or accusatory comments will not be tolerated on this forum. We welcome civil dialogue and questions asked in good faith. Comment, share insights, add additional stories, ask real questions. If you have a question or a thought that you’d rather not ask publicly, feel free to message me directly. You are loved.

There are so many meaningful stories of people coming to faith in Jesus during Holy Week. On Good Friday, for example, it can be quite jarring to revisit the sufferings of Christ for the sins of the world. On Easter morning, it can be quite liberating and hopeful as we focus on the mighty resurrection of our Lord and Savior, looking with fresh eyes at the empty tomb. Even people who choose not to set foot in church - and there are many good reasons why people avoid these places of worship - they still experience a surprising longing for God, like a deep thirst. All over the world, people are coming to a new-found faith, or a rekindled faith, in the person and the divine work of Jesus. No matter sexual orientation or gender identity, God is doing beautiful things among his called-out people!

I will be sharing more about this hopeful move of God in the upcoming chapter of our family story, called, “Spiritual Awakening Among LGBTQ+.” I wasn’t able to finish it in time for Easter Sunday (Lord knows I’ve tried!), but it will be dropped this coming week.

For now, as I think about people coming to a renewed faith in Jesus this weekend, let me share a couple thoughts. I remember reading an article from pastor and spiritual director, Steven Van Dop. He did a study as to why people were coming to faith in Christ. He spent hundreds of hours meeting with focus groups who were made up of people who had recently come to faith in Christ in mostly suburban, midwestern America. He carefully looked at people’s stories and this is what the findings revealed:

The study revealed that many people came to Christ during a life crisis. Their overwhelming circumstances brought them to a place of needing “something more.” They needed God and the Lord, in turn, met them in their particular valley.

The study also revealed that many people were seekers. They were interested in pursuing the truth, which they found their quest satisfied in the person of Jesus.

Additionally, others who came through to a genuine faith were prodigals. They wondered away from a sincere faith they had as children, as teenagers, or as young adults. And now they’re returning to the faith of their parents, the faith of their heritage. Returning to the God they have loved for quite some time.

Also, some people simply felt empty within. They were experiencing a deep emotional and spiritual emptiness, even if they were successful by societal standards. There was still a definite sense of emptiness in their lives, one that only God could fill. They spoke of a vacuum, a void, that was beautifully filled by the presence of the Living God.

Lastly, we learn is that some people are terribly lonely. Ultimately, deep down inside, it’s a loneliness for God. This loneliness for God will never go away by finding a new romantic relationship or a close friendship. It’s a cosmic loneliness, a loneliness for God.

All of this came to my mind as I was prepping for church this morning and preparing for family time this afternoon. Do you connect with any of these categories, or do they feel very detached from your world and experience? Do you have a renewed desire for God today – a desire to hear his voice, a desire to know him (more than just hear a preacher talk about him), a desire to walk with God and talk to God? A desire to know the Lord, and personally confirm, that the tomb was, in fact, empty.

Thinking about Resurrection Morning, I love Mary Magdalene’s story. Allow me to close today’s article with this scriptural reading. Mary Magdalene was one of the women who followed Jesus, and cared for his needs during his public ministry. Additionally, three out of the four Gospels describe this woman as the first witness to the resurrection. Like many of us, Mary didn’t recognize the Lord at first. Later, she realized it was Jesus, the Risen One, who was talking to her in the garden. Like many of us, she eventually came through to meaningful faith.

John 20:11-18, NIV

Now Mary stood outside the tomb crying. As she wept, she bent over to look into the tomb ¹² and saw two angels in white, seated where Jesus’ body had been, one at the head and the other at the foot.

¹³ They asked her, “Woman, why are you crying?” .... “They have taken my Lord away,” she said, “and I don’t know where they have put him.” ¹⁴ At this, she turned around and saw Jesus standing there, but she did not realize that it was Jesus.

¹⁵ He asked her, “Woman, why are you crying? Who is it you are looking for?” ..... Thinking he was the gardener, she said, “Sir, if you have carried him away, tell me where you have put him, and I will get him.”

¹⁶ Jesus said to her, “Mary.” ...She turned toward him and cried out in Aramaic, “Rabboni!” (which means “Teacher”).

¹⁷ Jesus said, “Do not hold on to me, for I have not yet ascended to the Father. Go instead to my brothers and tell them, ‘I am ascending to my Father and your Father, to my God and your God.’”

¹⁸ Mary Magdalene went to the disciples with the news: “I have seen the Lord!” And she told them that he had said these things to her.

Happy Easter, dear readers. He has risen indeed!

We’ll talk again soon.

I’d love to hear from you in the comments below, even sharing some of your story.

• To readers who are Christians, how and why did you come to faith in Jesus? Do you resonate with any of the categories listed in this article? Would you add an additional category?

• To readers who do not identify as Christians at this time, I’d love to hear about your journey. Are there specific things that are hindering you from fully embracing the person of Jesus or identifying as a Christ-follower? I would love to hear from you and learn from you, as much as you want to share. Much peace to you this week.

And so we’re clear, unkind or accusatory comments will not be tolerated on this forum. We welcome civil dialogue and questions asked in good faith. Comment, share insights, add additional stories, ask real questions. If you have a question or a thought that you’d rather not ask publicly, feel free to message me directly. You are loved.

During this story-pause week:

I invite you to read this excerpt from Karen Keen’s excellent book, Scripture, Ethics & the Possibility of Same-Sex Relationships. Keen does us a great service by laying out the four prominent views that Jesus-loving, Bible-believing Christians have gravitated toward in recent days. For context, this was written before 2020, so there might be some slight movement within the various categories. As you’re reading, which of these perspectives have influenced your journey, whether positively or negatively? Where do you place yourself in our modern day debate pertaining to homosexuality and same-sex relationships? (Please consider commenting below and tell me about your journey up to this point - where you come from and where you are heading by God’s grace?)

Karen Keen writes,

Currently, the conservative church finds itself with a palette of options. For years the ex-gay movement provided the predominant response to homosexuality. But the rise of the celibate gay movement and the demise of Exodus International disrupted this uniformity, and four key groups have emerged from this splinter:

• Celibate gay Christians tend to be young, ecumenical, and highly educated (albeit still predominantly white and male, as with the ex-gay movement). They are more apt to support innate explanations for causation rather than explanations pointing to social environment. Change in sexual orientation is generally not pursued (since it is believed to be hardwired). However, members are open to mixed-orientation marriages. The group emphasized strong friendships and community. The master’s- and doctoral-level training of its leaders has led to significant theological contributions on the subject. Their writings appear on the website Spiritual Friendship (spiritualfriendship.org). And several of them have written notable books, which include Wesley Hill’s Spiritual Friendship: Finding Love in the Church as a Celibate Gay Christian and Eve Tushnet’s Gay and Catholic: Accepting My Sexuality, Finding Community, Living My Faith.

• Ex-gays still have an active presence. Even though the movement died with the closing of Exodus International, two small groups developed that have kept this approach on the table. Restored Hope Network (RHN) represents the more conservative and reactionary of the two. It formed in 2012 as a break-away group from Exodus International after Alan Chamber’s views began to shift. Early on, the leadership required member ministries to sign a document stating singular loyalty. (Involvement with any other ex-gay group was prohibited.) RHN retains affinity with Religious Right politics. Anne Paulk, a prominent figure in the ex-gay movement, was elected the first president.

  The second group, Hope for Wholeness (HFW), resembles the ex-gay movement prior to its politicization and better represents what Exodus International was like before the late 1990s. Originally an Exodus affiliate ministry, HFW, under the guidance of president McKrae Game, created its own network in response to Chamber’s new direction. Both organizations emphasize the signature traits of ex-gay philosophy: social environmental causation and healing of same-sex attraction.

• Gospel Coalition same-sex-attracted evangelicals are difficult to define with one term or phrase. Representatives of this group include Rosaria Butterfield, Sam Allbery, and Christopher Yuan. While not a product of the Gospel Coalition, they all have a close relationship with that organization, as well as with Southern Baptists like Russell Moore. What distinguishes them from ex-gays is their rejection of reparative therapy. While they consider change in sexual orientation possible through the sanctification process, they do not believe change occurs for everyone. Thus, they are more likely to esteem lifelong celibacy. (Both Allberry and Yuan are single and acknowledge continued same-sex attraction.) However, they are distinct from celibate gay Christians in their rejection of the term “gay” for self-reference, preferring “same-sex attracted.” They view gay identity as a social construct. They also tend to argue for a spiritual etiology of same-sex attraction (the fall) over biological or environmental causation.

• Gay-affirming evangelicals believe that same-sex partnerships can be blessed by God. Prominent leaders in this group include Justin Lee and Matthew Vines. Lee started the Gay Christian Network in 2001, but evangelical support for same-sex relationships has only recently picked up steam. In 2017, the organization changed leadership and now goes by Q Christian Fellowship. Over the years GCN/QCF has become increasingly ecumenical, creating space for Progressive Christian theology alongside its original evangelical emphasis. In 2013 Vines founded the Reformation Project, “a Bible-based Christian grassroots organization” that advocates for LGBTQ inclusion in the church. Both Lee and Vines have published popular-level books: Torn: Rescuing the Gospel from the Gays-vs.-Christians Debate (Lee, 2012) and God and the Gay Christian (Vines, 2014).

  Gay affirming evangelicals have gained traction through the support of biblical scholars who are providing new arguments rooted in traditionally accepted hermeneutics. These scholars include James Brownson (Bible, Gender, Sexuality: Reframing the Church’s Debate on Same-Sex Relationships, 2013) and Robert Song (Covenant and Calling: Toward a Theology of Same-Sex Relationships, 2014). Significantly, the evangelical publisher Zondervan recently printed a “two views” book on homosexuality, acknowledging that the debate on same-sex relationships is now an in-house evangelical argument (Two Views on Homosexuality, the Bible, and the Church, 2016).

Summing It Up

Before engaging the biblical debate on same-sex relationships, the first step is to remember that the conversation affects lives of real people. Understanding how the church has perceived and responded to gay and lesbian people provides crucial context for the broader discussion. Throughout much of history, the church has understood same-sex attraction and relationships as signs of spiritual depravity and disease. The twentieth century brought challenges to this perspective, including new research indicating that same-sex attraction is not the result of mental illness. Similarly, gay and lesbian people increasingly testified that their lives did not match these negative assumptions.

Using Keen’s categories above, where do I place myself?

There’s probably little doubt if you’ve been carefully reading our family story, especially in the latter chapters. My wife Vicki and I have gravitated toward the fourth category in the list above: gay-affirming. I went from gravitating toward a strong celibacy bent, as mentioned, to becoming more gay affirming. In our family story, I’m currently writing out the reasons why I shifted my views and drastically changed my mind on this important issue. An issue that affects the lives of real people. I invite you to come along for the duration of the journey, and even circling back to chapters you’ve missed along the way.

My next chapter will come out soon, which I’m calling, “Spiritual Awakening Among LGBTQ+.” You can watch for that to be dropped on Easter Sunday or soon thereafter! Which is fitting, for it’s very much an Easter story. A story of resurrection for our beloved queer family, friends and neighbors, and those who support and love the Rainbow Community! God is drawing all of us into a divine embrace through the work of Jesus!

Works Cited: Karen R. Keen, Scripture, Ethics & the Possibility of Same-Sex Relationships (Wm. B. Eerdmans Publishing, 2018), 11-14.

In the comments below, feel free to respond to Keen’s listing of the four key groups that have recently emerged. Which of these perspectives have influenced your journey, whether positively or negatively? Where do you place yourself in this present day debate? Where have you come from and where you are heading?

I’d love to hear from you in the comments below, even sharing some of your story. Let’s compare notes and grow together in the love of God. However, so we’re clear, unkind or accusatory comments will not be tolerated on this forum. We welcome civil dialogue and questions asked in good faith. Comment, share insights, add additional stories, ask real questions. If you have a question or a thought that you’d rather not ask publicly, feel free to message me directly. You are loved.

April 2022

The jury was out. I found myself all over the place, going back and forth, when it came to my intense discernment process.

Was I really going to change my mind on such a polarizing, hot-button issue?

Would I really become LGBTQ+ affirming at the end of the day?

At this juncture, I need to say something about my practice of journaling. It’s part of the story. My journal was a life-line for me then, and it continues to support me to this day. The process of writing serves as a release valve for all the negative, repetitive thoughts that surface, and there were many thought loops of this kind in early 2022. These anxious, unresolved thoughts needed a place to go. They even affected my physical health at times. Journaling, along with trying my hand at poetry, became like a friend. Like a therapist. Getting the thoughts out of my head and onto the written page. It slowed…everything…down. It gave me a sense of control. It centered my mind and gave me peace. That is precisely why I had so many journal entries during my LGBTQ+ discernment process.

If one asked, “Where’s Conrad?”

A reasonable response might be, “He is in the corner of the living room, sitting on his glider rocker. Since it’s early in the day, you will find him praying, reading the Psalms or the Gospels, and trying to journal his racing, anxious thoughts. That’s where you’ll find the man.”

And while on the glider rocker, I created list upon list during this season in our family story.

Journaling List Categories:

Listing Pros and Cons: I wrote out the pros and cons to one becoming queer affirming. Or, on another list from another calendar year, the pros and cons for maintaining the historic, non-affirming stance of my heritage.

Listing Reasons Why I Can’t Quite Get There: I detailed the reasons as to why I am not yet queer affirming. What were the things keeping me from joining my wife and kids as LGBTQ+ allies? I carefully crafted the bullet point list. This list, from one year to the next, was getting smaller and smaller. I was getting closer to the place of changing my mind, but I still needed general theological peace, among other things.

Listing Attributes of the Kind of Person I Would Eventually Be: I listed the attributes and the approach I would take if, and when, I became fully affirming and inclusive. What kind of person would the Spirit of God want me to be? How would I approach and interact with people who disagree with me? How would I carry myself on social media and other on-line platforms if I would change my mind on this hotly-contested issue?

Listing Best Practices: I began creating a growing list of best practices no matter where a person might find themselves on the affirming-not-affirming debate. For example: For those who need to be LGBTQ+ affirming, for whatever reason, what are the best practices for these people? And, for those who need to remain non-affirming, for whatever reason, what are the best practices for them moving forward? No matter where a Christian lands in this polarizing debate in 21st century America, what are the most Christ-like, peace-loving practices for a faithful Christ-follower? This was a list in my journal, and potentially a book waiting to be written.

These bullet point lists, as detailed above, helped me immensely as I tried to discern what God was saying and what God was doing in my heart. Was I going to become queer affirming or not? I went back and forth in my mind, while continuing to talk with the Lord of My Journey through conversational prayer.

One day, I could easily see myself as LGBTQ affirming and become a bona-fide ally to the queer community. The next day, I couldn’t imagine ever changing my mind on a theological issue of this magnitude. One day, I felt warm to the idea; the next day, cold as ice.

As I thought about the whole of Scripture and the vision of marriage throughout the Bible, I struggled with supporting my daughter and, more specifically, any desire she had to date or marry a woman. As I thought about my biblical mentors, seminary professors and clergy friends from the past, I wanted to remain non-affirming until Jesus returned a second time. As I thought about my own personal discomfort and angst about same-sex relationships, I wanted to dig in my heels and say, “Nobody can force my hand to change after all these years!” In addition to everything else, there was also a desire to stay within a Vineyard USA church context as a pastor. It was hard to think about leaving my Vineyard tribe and potentially forfeiting friendships with colleagues. And quite frankly, I am not interested in being labeled as a false teacher, a wolf in sheep’s clothing, an apostate pastor, or any disparaging title that might get fired in my direction. With all this said, it is most comfortable for me to remain in my secure, tried-and-true place on the theologically conservative map. It’s my homeland, my comfort zone.

While all this was true, I also had this growing desire for course correction. Something needed to change, I thought. I have an emerging desire for a change of heart, a change of approach, a change of mind. This is where the story gets, well, quite surprising. I found myself wanting to become a fully affirming and a refreshingly inclusive Christian, while remaining a passionate follower of Christ Jesus all the same. For the first time since Lydia came out to us six years ago, I now genuinely wanted to be affirming. This in and of itself, much like the Savior turning water into wine, felt like a miracle. I desired to be affirming for many reasons, one of which was having greater influence in the lives of LGBTQ people, including my daughter and her community. Additionally, there are innumerable times when I sensed the Lord giving me peace about the prospect of becoming more affirming. Almost like the Lord was pleased with this development in my life, which caught me off guard every single time.

Could it be that God, the One who knows all people and sees the end from the beginning, is more affirming, more welcoming and more inclusive than we ever imagined?

I was beginning to think this was not out of the realm of possibility.

May 2022

Later that year, I watched an on-line sermon from Pastor Danny Cortez, as he was speaking boldly to his Southern Baptist congregation. The message was aired February of 2014. He waxed eloquent about his change of heart and mind toward LGBTQ people. It was a vulnerable presentation, after which he assumed he’d be promptly fired by the congregation he loved, and likely having his ministerial credentials stripped soon thereafter. Near the end of the sermon, Cortez shared openly about a conversation he had with his gay son, Drew, not long after his son officially came out to the world.

Son: “Dad, if someone could give me a pill to change my gayness I would take it right now.”

Dad: (After taking some time to think about it, he approached his son the following day with this response.) “Drew, I want you to know that if I had a pill that could change you, I wouldn’t give it to you because you’re perfect just the way you are. No more fighting, Drew, no more fighting. Accept the way God has made you.”

When I first heard this father-son exchange, I was astounded that a parent could communicate this kind of other-worldly acceptance for their gay child. The jury was out as to whether or not I would ever be able to freely provide that kind of queer blessing, if you will. Would there be a time when I could look at my daughter in the eyes, and say with conviction, “Don’t fight your gayness, Lydia! You are perfect just the way you are! Always remember, this is a work of God!”

Around the same time, I also heard other LGBTQ+ affirming parents praising God for their gay or trans children, delighting in their uniqueness both privately and publicly. Many parents have said, from a secure place of rest and peace, “I’m glad my child is LGBTQ. I would not have it any other way.”

These parents must be cut from a different cloth, I thought at the time, I can’t see myself ever getting to a place of celebratory affirmation like that.

But over the course of time, God was beginning to do a similar, albeit surprising, work in my heart. With all the new things God was teaching me in the year 2022, I was beginning to feel profound thankfulness pertaining to our family story. It was no longer the paralyzing fear and anxiety I had lived with for years. It was no longer the deep sadness or the sweeping shadow of grief. Certainly not the presence of blame and shame, which hadn’t been a part of our story for quite some time. Instead of all the negative emotions from the past six years, I was now beginning to feel gratitude from time to time, which I recognized as a gift from God.

More specifically, what was this strange, new development taking shape in my heart, one that remains intact to this day? What was I grateful for during that season of my life?

Plain and simple, I was thankful our daughter was gay.

You heard me correctly.

At first, the focus of this gratitude had to do with naming what God was doing in my heart in light of having an LGBTQ family member around the dining room table. I thought about the things I was learning since our girl came out. None of these learning points would have been possible if our girl was straight from the beginning. I wouldn’t have received these things if she remained closeted.

I journaled the following,

May 27, 2022 - Journal Entry:

Today I feel thankful Lydia is gay, even though it would be much easier for me to maintain my life as a charismatic, evangelical pastor if she was straight like our other children. Even if I could snap my fingers and suddenly change her orientation, I’m no longer certain that would be the more desirable scenario. There are too many things I still need to learn. There are too many things God still needs to work within me and perform through me. I need to pass this way. The truth is, I would not have learned any of this if we had a family full of straight kids. With that said, I’m thankful that we have two straight kids and one gay kid. Our children are amazing and we’re proud of each and every one of them. Even though people may look at me side-eyed when I say this, I now believe this is the path God has chosen for our family. This too can be considered a high calling from the Lord of Heaven.

What if having a child who is LGBTQ speaks to a sense of destiny?

• To grow in empathy.

• To grow in understanding.

• To experience relevant kingdom ministry.

• To have renewed vision from God for our life work moving forward.

• To take up a new cause for God’s glory and his ultimate praise.

That journal entry represented a shift in my heart. This entry was the first time I highlighted gratitude pertaining to having a queer child. I was beginning to identify the movement of God’s Spirit within our family story. What if our family story is not one of misfortune, as some might assume? What if our story is one of bounty, one of blessing? Instead of quickly naming everything as an evil attack or as the enemy trying to outwit us in order to destroy the fabric of American society, what if God has always been at work in the Esh household? What if God has always been at work in families with LGBTQ+ children?

That day I felt grateful Lydia was gay. I decided not to tell anyone about this personal development for the time being. I kept this ground-breaking thought to myself, to ponder and to weigh carefully. I thought, eventually I may choose to write a book about all of this, who knows? But, for the time being, I will hold this close to my heart.

November 2022

Six months later, I was on the spiritual retreat weekend in southeastern Indiana, the very same weekend where I had the impressionable time of surrendering my identity to the Lord while enjoying the quiet, tranquil lake (see chapter 23). My prayers continued while I remained seated on the bench with the large wooden cross to my right and the peaceful water right in front of me. This marked the second time I felt overcome with gratitude pertaining to the divine privilege of parenting a gay daughter. I was beginning to believe that parenting a queer child is a high calling. That day, God was not so much speaking to my mind, as much as God was speaking through my emotions, through the affections of the heart.

But one could say, isn’t trusting your feelings dangerous? Isn’t the heart deceptive beyond all else (Jeremiah 17:9)?

A book I had been reading at the time was the practical work, “What’s Your Decision? How to Make Choices with Confidence and Clarity.” The book, which I had with me on this spiritual retreat weekend, detailed the Ignatian approach to decision making. People have now benefited from this approach for the past five hundred years. The insights are attributed to a towering figure within Christendom, Ignatius of Loyola. Even though he would eventually go on to found the Jesuits, the largest religious order in the Catholic Church, Ignatius first wrote his insights on decision-making as a layperson, that is, as a non-clergyman. These insights about decision making and spiritual growth have had immense influence throughout the world, and they certainly impacted my life in late 2022.

In a nutshell, Ignatius believed that it’s important to pay attention to your feelings, the movements of God all around us that stir our emotions. Ignatius believes that God works directly with each and every one of us. God works in our minds, absolutely, and God also works in the level of our feelings. This includes our desires and inclinations, our likes and dislikes, our highs and lows (Sparough, 8-9).

Ignatius would go on to say that in addition to our emotions being an important factor in decision making, our feelings need to be rightly interpreted. Feelings are not the only consideration, of course, and it’s often not advisable to simply go with our gut. Ignatius, therefore, helps us properly analyze these feelings - do they lead us closer to the Lord or drive a wedge between us and the God of our Journey - along with paying attention to life circumstances, the advice of others, and prior commitments and decisions (Sparough, 11). Ignatius put it this way: “Our one choice should be this: I want and I choose what better leads to God’s deepening life in me” (14).

As I sat on the bench that day, God was doing something very powerful in my heart, moving me and affecting me emotionally. After I surrendered my identity to the Lord and after I told God I’m willing to follow him even if I’m misunderstood in this life, I then felt prompted to pray for my wife and my kids. As I thought about my family, I steadied my eyes on the beautiful lake spread out before me. Then, emerging out of nowhere, there was a soft, gentle breeze that seemed to swirl and dip and dive across the top of the water. The trees around the lake started creaking, swaying, even dancing. The water, which I was still looking at intently, came alive and the ripples picked up speed as they raced toward me, striking the bank a few feet away. At that moment, I knew God was listening, his ears attentive to my prayers in this outdoor setting.

Gratitude. That was the word that came to mind. The letters seemingly spelled out across my brain.

G R A T I T U D E

It was as if God was inviting me to share my heart: “As you’re sitting at the foot of the cross, enjoying the gift of nature, what are you grateful for?”

Immediately, I thought about my family. I thought about the complexity of our family story, The Chronicles of Surprise. One by one, I prayed for each person by name.

For Vicki - I expressed gratitude for my beautiful wife, who walked faithfully with me for twenty-four years. I’m thankful for her strong leadership gifts, her courage, and her continual stand against injustice in the world today.

For Ellie - I expressed gratitude that she’s not afraid to make friends, she loves adventure, she’s getting good grades in school, and she is trustworthy.

For Bryn - I expressed gratitude that she’s brave and takes a strong stand against racial injustice and injustice toward LGBTQ people. She’s a fierce defender of people.

For Lydia - This is where my prayer even surprised me. For the first time, I told God I’m thankful she’s a gay Christian and that she has an abundance of support from people around her. Lydia knows that God loves her; Lydia knows that we love her. I’m thankful that she knows who she is as a gay Christian, that she’s not hiding her Christianity nor is she hiding her gayness. I prayed this prayer with tears.

I felt genuinely grateful for all of these things. Before this three-day spiritual retreat in November of 2022, I had never acknowledged that kind of gratitude out loud before, and now I was stating them in the form of a prayer of gratitude.

It took me 6 years to pray that kind of prayer!

Much like the message that Pastor Danny Cortez gave to his son Drew, I could almost hear God saying, “Conrad, your daughter is perfect just the way she is. No more fighting and begging me to make her straight. Accept the way I’ve made Lydia. No. More. Striving.”

I experienced peace and rest as the sun set over the lake. After that day and after that spiritual retreat weekend, I never again wondered whether or not I would become LGBTQ+ affirming. I knew I would be affirming. It was just a matter of what “affirming” would look like moving forward.

Works Cited:

Sparough, J. Michael, et al. What’s Your Decision? How to Make Choices with Confidence and Clarity (Loyola Press, 2010)

Cortez, Danny. “Why I Changed My Mind on Homosexuality.” YouTube, 8 Mar. 2014, www.youtube.com/watch?v=WqYvkVqVLFo.

I’d love to hear from you in the comments below, even sharing some of your story. Let’s compare notes and grow together in the love of God. However, so we’re clear, unkind or accusatory comments will not be tolerated on this forum. We welcome civil dialogue and questions asked in good faith. Comment, share insights, add additional stories, ask real questions. If you have a question or a thought that you’d rather not ask publicly, feel free to message me directly. You are loved.

First, a couple thoughts about my writing

As mentioned, I’m currently allowing myself two weeks to write the upcoming chapters of our family story. While writing, I’m thankful for the peace and courage God has been providing. All of this feels vitally important. I’m now working toward landing this plane, as it were, and sharing with the world how and why I became fully affirming of LGBTQ+ people. The chapters I’m working on are within part four of the family story, entitled Changing My Mind. As I’m crafting the chapters, there are many decisions to be made as I compile the many personal stories and God-moments along the way. Decisions involving what to share, what not to share. What to include, what to set aside for the time being. I would appreciate prayers for wisdom on these pain-staking decisions. I would also appreciate prayer for ongoing courage to write vulnerably and honestly.

And of course, I will continue to put out a Substack article every single week (much like today’s entry), but the specific Chronicles of Surprise chapters will be every other week for a time.

Much peace and strength to you during the Lentin season!

Now, for those considering getting off the bus

David Gushee is considered one of the leading Christian ethicists in America. He has served as an evangelical Christian minister for 27 years and an ethicist for 21 years. I’ve already written about him on a few occasions (see recommendation). In Gushee’s book, Changing Our Mind: The Landmark Call for Inclusion of LGBT Christians, he came to a point in his writing, after the seventh chapter of the book, where he assumed some people would no longer be able to journey with him into the latter chapters. Some traditionalists might feel a need to get off the bus at this juncture, not sticking around for his inclusive, albeit biblical, position. I really like what he said to those who might choose to put the book down.

As you’re waiting for my next Chronicles of Surprise chapter to go live, I strongly encourage you to work on these seven areas. And I would also say, even if you can’t journey with me and my family toward LGBTQ+ inclusion, I hope you do the homework and, at the very least, practice this list of seven. Let’s get into it right now.

David P. Gushee writes the following:

There may be a large number of readers, perhaps especially traditionalists, who will want to get off the bus . . . I think this leaves you - all of us - with a bit of homework that still needs to be done. Whether we decide to pursue this homework marks another fork in the road.

1. Read narratives of LGBTQ people, as well as reputable work in contemporary psychology to inform your interactions with this population and the ways you speak privately and publicly about these issues. Dive in, if only to be better informed.

2. Become aware that in any room with 20 or more people, the likelihood is that at least one is LGBTQ in orientation and/or identity. Add to this the friends and family members and others who fiercely love LGBTQ people. So any time you or I make any statement about “the gays” or “those people,” we are likely speaking about people who are in the room with us. Speak with consequent care. People get their backs up when their loved ones are spoken of carelessly or contemptuously.

3. Make a commitment never to accept derogatory speech or any form of bullying or mistreatment of LGBTQ people in your presence, no more than you would allow people to use the N-word in your presence. If you are a parent or youth pastor, never allow kids to throw around terms like “gay” or “queer” as slurs. If you are a college student or teenager, never accept bullying or slurs without challenge. If your pastor says hurtful things from the pulpit, ask him or her to stop, and explain why. This commitment calls for courage, and a willingness to face scorn for standing up for gay people.

4. Help parents respond in constructive ways when their children come out as gay or lesbian or express questions about their sexuality. Make your church a context where parents know that the right response to their teenagers is never to reject them as human beings, never to throw them out. Did you know there are parents who tell their gay kids they wish those kids never had been born? Parents who refuse to acknowledge the existence of a child once he comes out as gay? Please: never, ever again! And if you know a teenager or young adult who has been rejected by their family because they are gay or lesbian, offer that child Christian love and hospitality.

5. Get to know gay Christians (or ex-Christians) if you get the chance. Listen to their stories with a teachable spirit.

6. Become an advocate for the welcome of LGBTQ Christians in your congregation to the maximal point theologically possible in your setting. Ask for some clarity from your church leaders. End avoidism.

7. Even if you oppose civil gay marriage, consider public policy steps you can support. Perhaps you can get behind anti-bullying curriculum in schools, or laws that classify physical attacks on gays as a hate crime. Perhaps you can support employment non-discrimination laws with exemptions for religious employers. Perhaps you can oppose often-demagogic legislation related to what the curriculum in public schools says about gay and lesbian people. In South Carolina, for example, teachers are permitted to mention homosexuality, but only in relation to sexually transmitted disease. Whatever you decide that you can support, do so publicly. This sets a good example for others, and helps observers see that being Christian does not equal being anti-gay.

If this is where you get off the bus, please go with a new sense of resolve to love and serve LGBTQ people and to make your family, friendship group, and church a safe and loving place for everyone - and to resist the easier path of silence and indifference.

Recommended book: David P. Gushee, Changing Our Mind (Read the Spirit Books, 2022), 32-33.

Feel free to respond to Gushee’s “list of seven” in the comments below. Do you agree that every Christian should work on these areas, whether they’re LGBTQ+ affirming or not? Are there other practical things you would add to this list? What would be number 8 or number 9 on your list?

I’d love to hear from you in the comments below, even sharing some of your story. Let’s compare notes and grow together in the love of God. However, so we’re clear, unkind or accusatory comments will not be tolerated on this forum. We welcome civil dialogue and questions asked in good faith. Comment, share insights, add additional stories, ask real questions. If you have a question or a thought that you’d rather not ask publicly, feel free to message me directly. You are loved. Deeply.

November 2022

I value my Anabaptist, peace-making heritage. My Mennonite upbringing.

I valued my role as a Vineyard pastor in central Ohio for twenty years.

I valued my place as a theologically conservative church leader.

I valued my stance as a non-affirming person, one who held the line.

Therefore, I am the least likely candidate to write this kind of a memoir. If you would have told me that I’d eventually alter my world-view and radically adjust my thinking toward LGBTQ+ people, I would have said, “There’s a far better chance I win an Olympic gold medal in the biathlon, than to change my mind on this issue!” (For reference, the biathlon is one of those winter sports in which Americans have never secured a medal in. I think I’ve made my point).

While it’s true that many grow up within a more main-line, liberal church context, I lived and breathed in a significantly different place than that. For me, the setting where I became a Christ-follower, discovering the overwhelming love of Jesus, was within conservative Christianity. I loved my people! I valued my tribe!

To be honest, I don’t remember discussing gay people very much in church or in religious contexts. I don’t remember any heated debates at all. But in most places I frequented, the assumption was to be gay is simply to not be Christian. And please, to celebrate someone’s gayness is considered, at best, deceived, and at worst, a false teacher who perpetuates a ‘doctrine of demons.’

I never questioned this understanding: Being LGBTQ+ was not the will of God.

At the time, there was no need to question such a foundational thought. This baseline understanding was never challenged by those who surrounded me, ever. Every single pastor, Sunday School teacher, and youth group leader believed that gay people were in rebellion against God, plain and simple. Those who publicly paraded their gayness, living out a so-called “gay lifestyle,” were in blatant sin against the Creator God. I could picture a queer person shaking their fists toward the heavens, and grieving the Spirit of the Lord in the process. If someone within my circles believed something contrary to this - that is, that being gay is not the will of God - they opted not to tell me. If they had other ideas about gay and trans people, they never blew their cover in my presence. For every single one of my Christian relatives, Christian mentors, Christian professors, and Christian friends seem to have a unified voice on the matter. If people were gay, bi, trans or non-binary, there was something deeply wrong. There was something broken that needed fixing. Something that Jesus could heal, of course, if they would only repent and turn to the Lord. I never questioned this perspective, for there was no need to question it. I was among friends.

But now, we were approaching the holiday season in the year 2022.

Let’s pick up the story right here.

It’s been five years since our daughter told us she’s gay, and three years since she came out publicly. I was learning many things in a short period of time. Yet, I still had thousands of unresolved questions in my head. So many questions, along with a deep sense of peace from God. I gave myself permission to be in process. I was developing a close friendship with ambiguity; I was buddying up with the concept of uncertainty. In other words, I could still rest in the love of God even with all the unanswered, untested, unresolved questions that were still in front of me.

As I was reading extensively about LGBTQ+ people, my heart was wide open for the new. So much of what I was learning felt revolutionary. I never heard these things before! I wondered, is this what the early explorers felt like during the 15th and 16th centuries? Is this what it felt like to set sail from a safe, European port and eventually discover a new world, later to be tagged, “America?” My learning explorations also felt like discovering new lands and exploring new possibilities, all of which produced an adrenaline rush of joy and unprecedented adventure.

But truth be told, I would not have gravitated toward any of this wild exploration on my own. I was the son and grandson of conservatives. And here I was, questioning some of those ingrained assumptions.

I had decisions to make.

I was discerning whether or not God was leading me to become more publicly affirming as an LGBTQ+ ally. As I processed this in late 2022, I’d like to share with you a few insights that caused me pause. These insights, although they were not everything I needed to make an informed decision, they certainly helped support my journey toward changing my mind.

People do not choose to be gay

At one point, I assumed people chose this lifestyle. They decided to be gay as an act of the human will. This no longer made sense to me. It became clear that nobody chooses their sexual orientation. I remember the first time I was challenged to think about this. I was invited to consider my own experience with romantic attraction in general. “Conrad, when did you make the conscious decision to be straight? When did you make a decision to be attracted to the opposite gender? That wasn’t a deliberate decision you made, was it? It was a decision made for you as part of your internal wiring.” As I considered the question, I remembered my secret crushes from grade school. It was true, 100% of them were girls of the cutest variety. My crushes were never boys, always girls.

In the same way, a gay person does not make a conscious decision to become romantically attracted to the same gender. In fact, many have said, “Why would anyone choose to be gay, bi, or trans? People don’t wake up in the morning and say, on a whim, ‘I’m going to make this unpopular decision that would cause me to be rejected by my church, ridiculed at my school, marginalized within society, and become the victim of hate crimes.’ ”

Justin Lee, himself a gay Christian, says, “I know a lot of people who were horrified when they realized they were gay, either because of their moral beliefs or because of prejudice against gay people among their family or friends. Like me, they would have never chosen to be gay, but they were anyway.” (Lee, 55).

People cannot simply pray the gay away:

Early on, I assumed I could change my daughter’s sexual orientation through effective, persistent prayer, but as I’ve already shared in our story, my prayers were not exactly answered. They were not effective at changing my girl’s mind about being a lesbian in the world. Initially, ‘pray the gay away’ sounds noble. On the front end, it sounds like a worthy goal in light of God’s creative, miracle-working power, which we see on full display throughout the pages of the Bible. I thought, if God created the heavens and the earth by his powerful word, why couldn’t the Lord change someone from gay to straight? Is anything too hard for the God of Creation, the very one who “calls things that are not, as if they were” (Romans 4:17)? And what’s precisely why I prayed throughout the watches of the night. That’s precisely why many Christians, particularly those who believe God does not support LGBTQ+ people, have tried to cast it out or pray it away, without effect.

When people initially told me that one couldn’t pray the gay away, I used to push back at that very point. What’s with the unbelief, I thought? Are there not success stories out there? Are there not powerful testimonies from those who are no longer gay, those who broke off relationships, those who found freedom in Jesus? Are there not powerful stories like this? Yet over time, I began realizing these stories were the exception, not the norm. And going a step further, these stories did not necessarily represent a change in orientation, per se. They represent, instead, a change in the person’s relationship status or a change in their life choices. For example, a Christian gay person might feel a need to commit to celibacy. But when pressed, they still have same-sex attractions. They’re still gay. Another example could be the following: A gay person might attempt heterosexual marriage. When pressed later in life, they still have same-sex attractions. Some are able to stay married, having a beautiful friendship with their spouse, but they’re still gay. There are more stories to tell, but I’ll stop at that.

There is one more thing I’d like to mention about praying the gay away. I want to highlight the many LGBTQ+ people who have prayed for God to make them straight. Many have attempted to remove their queer inclinations through a diet of Scripture and prayer ritual. Many queer Christians have testified to crying themselves to sleep at night, begging for God to heal them, restore them, change them. They were good Christian kids who loved Jesus to their toes. Studies have shown that 96 percent of LGBTQ+ folks have prayed for God to make them straight at least once in their lives (Lambert, 170). That’s a lot of desperate prayers that went up and reached the listening ears of God. But at the end of the day, people were still gay. This caused some to be very disillusioned about the Christian faith, and some became suicidal in the process.

These stories caused me to pause and reflect.

People should avoid conversion therapy like a plague:

Many LGBTQ+ people tried or were forced to try orientation change through attending a local ex-gay ministry. LGBTQ+ people underwent an intense process often referred to as conversion therapy. This is now a practice that’s illegal in twenty-six states and the District of Columbia. There are a number of reasons conversion therapy is dangerous and illegal in many places. LGBTQ+ people who have gone through conversion therapy are “more likely than those who haven’t to use illicit drugs, twice as likely to face depression, two and a half times more likely to die by suicide, and three times more likely to die by suicide if a religious leader encouraged them to undergo that treatment. Four out of five people who underwent conversion therapy did so under the leadership of a religious leader rather than a licensed therapist, which means they were unprotected by legislation” (Lambert, 170-171).

The failure of conversion therapy has recently been brought to light by a high-profile name, Alan Chambers. This man was the president of Exodus International, the leading conversion therapy organization worldwide. Alan Chambers made a surprising statement that 99.9% of the people they tried to help had not experienced a change in their sexual orientation. A year later, Chambers closed the doors on this ministry and publicly apologized in 2013. There were too many stories of the terrible suffering gay Christians endured as they tried to change their orientation under external and self-imposed religious pressure, without effect (Gushee, 19). In 2019, Chambers went on record by saying, “No one changes their orientation; it doesn’t happen. No therapy, no ministry, no prayer meeting, no nothing - you cannot change your sexual orientation” (Lambert, 171).

During this season of my life, God was doing something in my heart pertaining to LGBTQ+ people. I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that God loves the queer community. He loves all these beautiful souls who did not choose to be LGBTQ+ and could not pray or will themselves to be straight. God loves them. They too are God’s children, bought at a price through the precious blood of Jesus Christ.

In late 2022, if I was asked, “Conrad, what do you sense the Spirit of God saying?” At that time, I would have had to admit that, if there is any direction from the Lord it’s stepping toward the queer community, not away from. The direction from the Lord was to be more affirming, not less. To be more inclusive, not less. To be more open to the work of the Holy Spirit among LGBTQ+ people, not less open.

All of this was a part of the chronicles of surprise. I never saw it coming! One of the reasons it caught me off guard was this: I assumed that people who become queer affirming do not have a close relationship with Jesus. They likely have hardened their heart through evil desires. Or, they are simply choosing their gay child or their gay friend over and above their relationship with the Lord. But I knew my heart was not stoney hard. I knew I loved both God and my beautiful child, and never felt I needed to choose one over-and-against the other. And as far as my walk with God, it was always in play. I love and serve God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit. I sense God’s divine presence, and hear his gentle encouragement on a daily basis.

God is with me.

God will never leave me, nor forsake me.

Nothing will separate me from the love of God that’s in Christ Jesus my Lord.

All of this, and God began giving me beautiful insight into his heart and his love for the queer community. In light of all the things I was learning, I was in a very real place of discernment. Is God leading me to become LGBTQ+ affirming? Vicki and my girls were able to get to that place much quicker than I was. Why was it so difficult for me to call myself an ally of the queer community?

One day, I realized why it was virtually impossible for me to take the leap toward becoming LGBTQ+ affirming. This epiphany came while journaling during a spiritual retreat weekend in southeast Indiana. The reason that surfaced in my mind was this:

I did not want to disappoint people. Period.

At that time, I remembered all of my conservative pastors, Sunday school teachers, youth leaders, mentors, seminary professors, and close friends. I could picture them looking at me sternly, hands folded, heads shaking. Even though I felt the peace of God to continue moving toward LGBTQ affirmation, I now realized it was more than just spiritual in nature. It was cultural, contextual, and deeply emotional. I didn’t want to disappoint people. I like it when people think well of me and speak well of me. I enjoy people’s pride in my accomplishments; I love being celebrated by family and friends.

If I take a leap of faith to become gay affirming, there are so many beautiful men and women of God who would be deeply concerned. They would be disappointed. How did I know this? I knew this because, even then, many church friends expressed ardent concern about Vicki’s position and my girls’ position, which is fully affirming and inclusive in nature. I also knew this because some people, even those I personally led to Christ and water baptized, took it upon themselves to sternly warn me. They encouraged me to not compromise, not to give in to culture, not to reject the truth of the Bible. One of my very best friends told me to remain on God’s ancient path and not deviate from it. Some have spoken to me like a father addresses a son, like a pastor addresses a wayward congregant.

Then it dawned on me that this was part of counting the cost for me. The cost, plain and simple, was this: Many people will no longer think well of me or speak well of me. Am I okay with that? As I thought about potentially losing even more friends, I was experiencing anticipatory grief. I needed to grieve the loss of friendships, yes, but also the loss of my reputation within conservative circles. This loss was inevitable. I needed to count the cost of not being honored by many ‘strong and beautiful Christians,’ people I love and care deeply about. There would be strong, beautiful, theologically conservative Christians, who would no longer honor me in public. I was projecting, but it was all so real. They would no longer speak highly of me, no longer invite me to guest speak at their churches, no longer trust me to lecture in their theological schools. No longer hire me for staff positions within their churches and para-church organizations. Am I okay with this? Am I okay with people no longer thinking well of me nor speaking well of me? This was counting the cost for me. It was a spiritual process, but it was also cultural, contextual, emotional.

November 1, 2022

As stated,

I value my Anabaptist, Mennonite upbringing.

I valued my role as a Vineyard pastor.

I valued my place in this world as a conservative.

I valued my stance as a non-affirming person.

I valued people thinking well of me and speaking well of me.

During the same retreat weekend in Indiana, I did a lot of hiking, praying and talking to God about everything. I found my way to a beautiful lake. And since it was a Christian retreat center, I sat on a bench that overlooked the tranquil body of water and, looking to my right, there was a large wooden cross. Between the bench that I was sitting on and the towering cross, there was a metal sign with a question for people to consider. The sign read: Is there something God is asking you to surrender?

I thought about the question. Deeply. I thought about my life, one that was very much in flux and in transition. I thought about all the pressing decisions I was making that felt weighty. I thought about all the things I valued, as listed above, and the relationships I esteemed. All of which, depending on the choices I would make, would either be kept or lost. They would either be gripped tightly or held loosely. Before the wooden cross and in that beautiful outdoor setting, I knew it was time to surrender.

I proceeded to, one by one, surrender my identity at the foot of that old, wooden cross:

Lord, I surrender my identity as a pastor

Lord, I surrender my identity as a Vineyard leader.

Lord, I surrender my identity as a conservative.

Lord, I surrender my identity as a charismatic.

Lord, I surrender my identity as an evangelical.

Lord, I surrender my life-long position as a non-affirming person. If you want me to be an LGBTQ+ ally, I’m willing to do that for you. I give my life, and how I’m perceived by others, to you.

Before the cross that day, I surrendered all these marks of my identity that I took pride in over the years. I put them at the foot of the cross. This process of surrendering felt good and right. After which, I took a deep breath. I had a profound sense of peace and rest as I looked back over the quiet lake. I felt like a free person, with the weight of the world off my shoulders. I now had freedom to be led completely by the wind of God’s Spirit, and not the expectations of others.

Works Cited:

Gushee, David P. Changing our Mind (Read the Spirit Books, 2022)

Lambert, Zach W. better ways to read the bible: Transforming a Weapon of Harm into a Tool for Healing (Brazos, 2025)

Lee, Justin. Torn: Rescuing the Gospel from the Gays -vs.- Christians Debate (Worthy, 2024)

I’d love to hear from you in the comments below, even sharing some of your story. Let’s compare notes and grow together in the love of God. However, so we’re clear, unkind or accusatory comments will not be tolerated on this forum. We welcome civil dialogue and questions asked in good faith. Comment, share insights, add additional stories, ask real questions. If you have a question or a thought that you’d rather not ask publicly, feel free to message me directly. You are loved. Deeply.