Science! Presented with little commentary.

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An amazing fact, frankly.

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YUM.

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The museum’s ad agency, Rethink Communications, covered this billboard with gold pounded so thin, 56 grams covered the entire surface.

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Most common fears: clowns and heights. Perfect visual.

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Lastly, my favorite of the bunch. Yuck.

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Buy your subscription here. It comes with a year of free ongoing expert creative feedback and advice.

Truly legendary copywriter Tim Delaney said this about OOH advertising in 2019:

“Brands need to take advantage of the micro targeting allowed by social media. But brands also need presence – broadcast if you like – that puts them in the public domain, allowing for shared experience and the power of media stature, good old-fashioned size. Nothing achieves this faster and with more power than OOH”.

Powerful advertising is about persuasion not just engagement. And social media can’t touch the big power of billboards. Below, see eight impactful billboards, some of which you definitely have not seen, and insight into what makes them great and why they would go viral as chlamydia today.

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NOTE: THIS WEEK IS ALL ABOUT BILLBOARD CREATIVITY.

Yes, “was”.

What was the last great (new) billboard you’ve seen? When was it? It wasn’t anytime in the last ten years. All of the billboards these days are for local businesses, especially specious law firms. Big brands still, occasionally, put up billboards, many of them digital. But they whiff; the ideas just aren’t good. This is mostly because creatives don’t think visually anymore. They think about “disruptions” and “stunts” and “purpose” and what celeb will work best to sneak the brand into the minds of Yers and Zers.

“Big” impressions. Marketers all talk about making one. They talk and talk and write and write on whiteboards. Meanwhile, a big fucking brilliant billboard would make a big fucking impression that folks would have a hard time forgetting. If brands took a small part of their big, useless social media advertising budget and put up ONE great billboard in a high visibility area, that baby would be shared online like the clap. ROI out the ass.

So, yes, it’s time to have a big fucking Irish wake for the late great billboard. Ten damn good billboards below. Buy a subscription to see them.

sigh, it's only $3,33 a month.

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1. Trump “Great Victory” Billboard in Tehran.

Floating in the Strait of Hormuz ala the Nirvana Nevermind album cover.

2. Big Pharma Evil, etc.

3. I don’t give a…

4. And the button often doesn’t work anyway.

5. Pretty Much…

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IKEA ads these days are cute, sometimes even mildly funny. But mostly, they’re just nicely innocuous.

But 20+ years ago, IKEA spots the world over were some of the most creative, outregeous ads around. Buy a subscription here to see seven of them below.

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Why? Because this generation of ad creatives just plain ain’t as good as past generations. I don’t know exactly why, but the evidence—the work—is overwhelming. Probably reliance on the Internet is one reason; it doesn’t expand thinking, it contracts it. Maybe it’s because I’m too old to “get” the new creative work? Yeah-Nah. Truly good work is timeless, as you’ll see below.

The only “software” used to create the below 11 ads—from the 1960s to 1990s—was brain matter. Buy a subscription here to learn a thing or ten. Oh, and you are guaranteed to laugh at the ending TV spots. You just need to buy a Subscription: just $3.33 a month.

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40 measly fucking dollars a year.

Besides growing up with the internet as an original idea-killing crutch, another reason why these types of ads you’ll see below can’t be made by Millennials is the Cancel Culture you’ve created. And brands are scared shitless to do anything that might raise arm hairs, forgot ruffle feathers.

So: Here’re some ads that didn’t just ruffle feathers, they plucked them. Buy a subscription here to see them.

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Millennials are the least creative generation since the pre-creative revolution 1950s “Greatest Generation”. But: It’s not all their fault. It’s because they grew up with the Internet. And, the Internet makes creative folk lazy-brained. I know. I saw it in our creative department. You let Google do too much of the thinking. Your brain is more imaginative than any search engine. By far.

Be more imaginative. Buy a Subscription.

The below two multi-award-winning campaigns were created by the brains of Boomer or X creatives. And close your laptop and start using your brain and your imagination, and a pencil and a pad more.

Part two tomorrow, followed by parts three and four. Buy a subscription here to see all of the ads.

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1. Very Possessive Furniture

And Goodwyns needs an apostrophe.

2. Big Pharma ads are Dystopian

3. Stupid Joke of the Week

4. We came home to dinner bruised and bloodied…

5. H2O

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“They” say a billboard should have no more than seven words on it. Sure, the fewer the better, with zero often being the best.

But with OOH, “words” shouldn’t be your focus. Images and Mediums should be. Words should just be complimentary answers/explanations to the visuals.

Yesterday, I showed you eight great examples. Here’s eight more.

1. Terminix (USA)

Left unchecked, Termites can literally eat you out of house and home. I have extended family experience of this. This installation, placed in Texas cities, gets that point across directly. Ad agency: Publicis Dallas.

Seven more outside-the-box OOH ads below. Buy a Sub to see them.

Only $3.33 a month.

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NOTE: Because of Substack space limitations, this will be a two-part article. Part two, tomorrow.

These days, you walk through Times Square or around Trafalgar Square or anywhere in Tokyo or any busy city and you’ll experience digital billboard overload. But “digital” does not equal “creative” or “good” or “anything worth a damn”.

Adding “movement” does not add unboring-ness.

OOH is a fantastic medium. The creative possibilities are unlimited. And you don’t necessarily need to spend more money than a normal flat billboard. Often, you can spend less, sometimes even $0 on media.

Let’s look at eight of my favorite examples of unconventional outdoor advertising.

1. The Torture Museum (Amsterdam)

I’ve been there. Small museum, but very cool, very informative. Here, Y&R Amsterdam has reimagined one of the oldest forms of advertising: The Sandwich Man (phrase coined by Charles Dickens). Go ahead. Try to think of a better, cheaper way to advertise the museum. You can’t.

Seven more cool unconventional OOH ads below. Buy a sub to see them.

Only $3.33 a month.

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I read a lot of writing every day. No, more than a lot. A Shit-ton. No. A Fuck-ton. (The online consensus is a Fuck-ton is more than Shit-ton.)

I, particularly, read a Fuck-ton about how to write/create good ads. It’s both easy and not easy.

I just shared my advice on how to be a better copywriter.

Now, below, read the advice of better copywriters/creatives than me.

YES YOU HAVE TO PAY FOR MY READING AND DIGGING UP AND CURATING THIS EXPERT GOOD ADVICE.

Buy a Sub, or Keep Writing Like Crap.

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I’ve been doing this for 35+ years, since before computers, since a Word Doc was a yellow legal pad.

Becoming a good ad copywriter is really not that hard. It’s much easier than becoming a good actual real writer. Here are six things I’ve learned through two centuries:

First Tip: Forget grammar (mostly), just write informally, like how (smart, cool, but not snobby) people talk to each other. As Nigel Bogle (the second “B” in BBH) says, “If you want to speak to everyone, speak to someone”.

Your strategist may say the target audience is “All Millennials”. But if you write an ad to all of them, none of them will feel any connection to your product.

Create your ad(s) targeting One Person. And as David Ogilvy famously said: “The customer is not a moron. She’s your wife”—which is dated and sexist but just replace “wife” with “best friend”. This is a very important insight to remember. Now, notice all the ads today that make you feel like a moron.

Five more Pro Tips below. For Paid Subs only.

Be better for only $3.33 a month.

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They are a brand’s signature, their goodbye salutation.

So, it’s continuously amazing to me how many brands suck at it, seemingly purposely.

PREVIOUSLY: Brand Taglines That Are Assholes.

1. MAZDA

Back in 2016, Mazda introduced a new trademarked tagline (but kept ZOOM ZOOM, as you can see at the bottom right, ZOOM in).

DRIVING MATTERS. What? Am I supposed to argue with this declaration, a tagline for, not Mazda, but “Driving”? What a fucking valueless asshole line to tie off your car brand with.

If you’re sitting in a car, let’s say in your garage or driveway or at a red light, if you’d like to move said car from that point, Driving most certainly matters. However: if you’re crawling through a desert on your hands and knees (car back in your garage) facing dehydration, Dying—and several million other things—matters much more than Driving.

To me, it’s like Mazda is saying:

“DRIVING MATTERS: Naa-Na Naa-Na Naa-Naa”, like a five-year-old. Or “DRIVING MATTERS, STUPID POOPY FACE”.

Four more Asshole Taglines below. Buy a sub to see them and my creative responses.

Don't be an ASSHOLE, Buy a Sub.

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1. JINGLE BELLS, BATMAN…

2. Time is a Construct, a Flat Circle, etc.

3. There are no bad ideas…

4. Real Cat Lovers Understand…

5. He was an artist.

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Here, I went back through my tagline archives and pulled the bullshittiest ones out of the heap: ei…

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“Authentic”. Maybe the worst marketing buzzword ever. Brands blurt it out on the regular like they know what the fuck they’re talking about. Ask a marketer to describe what it means, grab some popcorn, then watch them mangle the English language with even more meaningless buzzwords, creating a disgusting word salad with rotten lettuce and bullshit-flavored dressing.

I’ve put the following taglines through my proprietary Bullshit Detector. It then spit out 100% bullshit-free “authentic” revisions.

Starting with some alcohol Tags.

1. HENNESSY

An Odyssey! So that’s the blood of 108 dead suitors in every drop (eww). Let’s dial back the bombast about a billion notches, you French Fucks.

Four more bullshit-free rewritten taglines below. Buy a $3.33/month subscription here.

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1. Allstate

LAWYER: “What does (makes air quotes) ‘good’ mean to you, dipshits? Well, to insurance cust…

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Taglines are a chance for copywriters to shine. Or suck. It’s hard work to write a good one. You have to write scores to get to a decent one. A good one usually takes luck. And, as it is said, you create your own luck—through hard work.

None of the below taglines are good. Or even decent. Or even not awful. Note: the taglines here are either current or recent. The recent ones may not still be in use. No matter, they were written, they were approved, they were implemented. Another note: I didn’t look up any of the responsible ad agencies but these are all big brands with well-known agencies.

1. Canada Dry

RELAX HARDER? SUCK HARDER, sugar water. Fuckfaces, you try to relax harder in today’s fucked-up world. Ginger ale sure as shit ain’t gonna help, unless mixed with hooch.

Six more Asshole Taglines below. Buy a subscription to see them and my sweary rebuttals.

C'mon, it's only $3.33 a month...

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1. Tiramisu Valley

aka: the Kyzylkup tract in Kazakhstan. Yummy.

2. Walmart

This is maybe not a real story, and that mugshot looks suspicious. But I choose to believe. Walmart is just the place for such shenanigans.

3. Shat The Shill

For Big Tobacco. “Bones” didn’t approve.

4. HERO

I wonder if she would’ve still won if she called him FuckFace.

5. 1949

An underage girl being menaced? Sure, go with the Grand Old Party.

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