Welp, we’ve made it! It took twelve weeks, after some minor delays, but we’ve finally made it to the final part of my exhausting list of Top 100 games. I’ve never been part of an undertaking like this before, and as ever, I’m grateful to my comrades Lunar Hades, , and for playing along and providing moral support and competition(?). Who had the best list? I think we all know it was Emory, and even if it wasn’t, let’s let him have this one, alright?

Thank you, my lovely subscribers, for hanging in this long. I know I talk a lot, so I hope it wasn’t too tiresome for you… I hope I said something interesting, or at least, clumsily entertaining.

Here’s the final list, the Top Ten, best of the best. I’ve got to admit, I was a bit surprised at some of these placements… But I think the sorting algorithm at PubMeeple made a pretty good representation of my opinions after all, so I trust it. Let me know what you think of this list in particular, as well as the list as a whole, in the comments below, if you so choose. Otherwise, I’ll see you when I see you.

Oh, and in case you haven’t read the other nine parts yet: Part One, Part Two, Part Three, Part Four, Part Five, Part Six, Part Seven, Part Eight, Part Nine

Without further ado, here’s my Top Ten!

#10 - DREDGE, various (played on Switch)

I’m not a fishing game guy. In fact, I’m so not a fishing game guy that I even hate fishing minigames in non-fishing games. And it seems like game devs are always tryna cram this unpleasant activity into every single adventure or RPG they can. Which happen to be my favorite kinds of games.

Bleh.

So it was something of a surprise to me that DREDGE would ultimately turn out to be one of my all-time favorite games. Is it a fishing game? Yeah, more or less. But it’s more than that, too. It has a delicious Lovecraftian setting and story, and the actual fishing is mechanically point-and-click, basically. So no annoying minigame to catch the fish. It’s really more of a narrative management sim, tbh… Which are also something I usually hate. But there’s just some kind of magic here, and I don’t know if I have the words to explain it.

For it allegedly being a horror game, it’s also surprisingly chill. I was able to parley its simple fishing (and dredging) mechanic, combined with its outstanding visual design and soundtrack, into a calming end-of-day activity that provided me with much joy and relaxation, in a way games rarely do. It’s not overly complex or challenging, nor is it simple exactly. A perfect balance.

It came out in 2023, an absolutely stacked year for gaming, and somehow, despite incredible competition from Star Wars: Jedi: Survivor and The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom, DREDGE somehow came away as my game of the year. Admittedly, I hadn’t played some of the other monster games that came out that year (looking at you, Baldur’s Gate 3), so maybe I would have a different opinion if I had. Or maybe not. I dunno. DREDGE is a very special game to me, and I never miss out on an opportunity to glaze it.

#9 - The Legend of Zelda: Majora’s Mask, N64

It’s almost inconceivable now that The Legend of Zelda: Majora’s Mask only took two years to make. Admittedly, they reused a ton of assets from Ocarina of Time, but there’s still so much to celebrate about this weird weird game.

I remember when it came out, a lot of people were like, “…I mean, yeah. It’s good… but not as good as Ocarina.” A lot of people took issue with the asset reuse, the three day time limit (misleading), and the darker, almost oppressive story. But most of these things (especially that last one) have now come to be regarded as strengths. Indeed, aside from maybe Wind Waker, I don’t think any other Zelda game has made such a massive turnaround in public opinion. Many people now consider Majora’s Mask to be the series at its absolute peak.

There’s a lot I love about this game, and if I took the time to analyze it, we’d be here all day. Suffice to say, I’m not at all shocked it’s up here in the top ten, and whenever I get the hankering for some good old fashioned Zelda action with a heaping helping of existential dread, I always pop Majora’s Mask in for a replay.

#8 - Final Fantasy X, PS2

Squaresoft absolutely cooked in the late 90s and early Oughts. This period came to be known as the Golden Age of RPGs, and the run of Final Fantasies VII-X were at the forefront of this golden period. This first entry of the series on PS2 is what many people consider to be the last truly great Final Fantasy.

I don’t think I agree, but it is a truly monumental game.

From the vastly improved graphics to the excellent story to the generally positively received voice acting and soundtrack, Final Fantasy X showed us what the new generation of PlayStation was capable of, and it is beloved to this day. I remember that I got the game for my birthday in 2002. I did not have a PS2.

(I also got a PS2 for my birthday. It just came a little later in the day, haha).

What is there to say about this tragic tale of star crossed lovers trying to navigate a world under siege by an unstoppable force? I dunno. All I can say is 17 years old is exactly the right age to fall in love with Tidus and Yuna. This game had me in my feelings at exactly the right time to capitalize on that, and capping off the epic run from FFVII-X with this masterpiece was life changing.

(The sequel is not on this list. It’s fine, but I still, twenty years later, think it was unnecessary.)

#7 - Final Fantasy VIII, PS1

Here it is, folks! My controversial pick for “best Final Fantasy game”! Please hold your applause and/or rotten tomato throwing until the end of the show.

Alright, I guess I owe an explanation… why is Final Fantasy VIII better than VII, IX, or X? Well, that’s kind of hard to explain. I’ll start with the story: it’s batshit. It is well documented that this weird story of soldiers and sorcery goes wildly off the rails in Disc 2, completely ‘no-clipping’ out of reality by the final showdown. But it feels like home to me, as probably just the second RPG I played in my life. And the romance between Squall and Rinoa, and the hijinx of the doofy collection of teenage idiots really resonated with me when I was 14 (you know, a doofy teenage idiot.) I love the story, including the utterly wild lore of this world. I’m not ashamed to admit it.

The graphics, at the time, were absolutely out of this world, especially after the chibi, deformed style character models of FFVII. And I still think it has some of the best looking FMVs of all time.

One other thing you might’ve noticed in those videos: the absolutely outstanding soundtrack. Final Fantasy VIII has my favorite video game soundtrack of all time. “Balamb Garden” sounds like home. “Breezy” is my happy relaxed place. “The Castle” is baroque perfection. And “The Landing” absolutely fucks. It also features, in the closing theme, my very favorite rendition of the “Final Fantasy” theme.

Lastly, the gameplay. It’s busted as hell. Square tried to do something different from Final Fantasy VII, an admirable goal, and if they’d explained it better, FFVIII might not be the semi-black sheep it is today. But if you take the time to understand it (or look up a guide), it is shockingly easy to bend the game entirely over your knee and deliver a righteous wallopin’. The first time I played it, I did not understand, and the final boss took me 3 hours to beat (still the hardest thing I’ve ever done in a video game). The second time I played it, I did understand, and the final boss was eliminated in two rounds. Less than five minutes. Some may say that’s evidence that the gameplay is bad. I disagree. I love that feeling of power.

#6 - Clair Obscur: Expedition 33, various (played on PS5)

I wonder if anyone is surprised to see this game so high up on my list… They shouldn’t be. This momentous achievement by indie developer Sandfall Interactive absolutely Berserk Eclipsed the gaming industry last year, sweeping the Game Awards and many other accolades besides, stunning gamers with its incredible story, superlative soundtrack, and stellar gameplay. It has been over a year since I finished it, and I am still chewing on the big ideas at play here.

Of course, Expedition 33 isn’t everybody’s cuppa tea, but it absolutely is mine. This game is recent enough that anyone reading this will probably have heard all the acclaim, or even played it themselves, so I don’t feel the need to glaze it overmuch. You guys already know.

What I will say is that it’s still amazing to me that an indie studio produced this masterpiece as their first game. From the dark and involving story to the endlessly enduring characters (including who I believe is one of the very greatest adversaries in the history of gaming, Renoir Dessendre), there’s just so much here that shouldn’t be as good… freshman indie studios don’t just get this stuff right on the first try.

And yet…

I feel confident in saying the organic hype for this game is absolutely real. If you haven’t played it yet (and you like RPGs), I strongly recommend you give it a try.

And then go watch this incredible sendup by Carbot Animation. There are spoilers aplenty in that video. You have been warned.

#5 - Octopath Traveler II, various (played on Switch)

This one surprised me. I wouldn’t have guessed this charming RPG from Team Asano would jump all the way to the top 5 spot on my list. But in hindsight, it really is one of the best games I’ve ever played.

The gameplay of Octopath Traveler II isn’t exactly groundbreaking, but the level of polish and finesse in its many complex systems come together to make it the best turnbased RPG I’ve ever played. It just does everything so incredibly well. It’s challenging, it’s fun, it’s thoughtful and balanced. I cannot recommend it enough to fans of the genre.

Pretty much every grievance I had with the first game is addressed, particularly in the narrative. Instead of eight disparate stories with little to no connective tissue between them, you get eight narratively connected tales of wildly varied tone and substance, that all come together to weave an excellent tapestry, with a proper conclusion that brings everything full circle. The final boss was difficult, but not monstrously so. The graphics have just a bit more refinement, representing what I’d call the peak (so far!) of the HD-2D style. The soundtrack is as good, if not better than the original, a remarkable achievement considering that game’s incredible score.

I think my favorite part is just the density of the world and its lore. The player can engage with this or not, but if you do, you will find such depth and variety in the little tidbits scattered about. Some of it is heartwarming, some of it frustrating (in a good way). Some of it is breathtakingly terrifying… there’s some scary, fucked up shit going on in Solistia.

I think it’s perfectly acceptable to skip the first game in favor of this entry. They are not narratively related (although there are some easter eggs for fans of the first game to enjoy). You should probably give this game a try. You shan’t regret it!

#4 - Horizon: Zero Dawn, PS4

Horizon: Zero Dawn gets quite a lot of stick (I think unfairly) from the gaming community at large, for a variety of reasons with varying degrees of validity. People say it is a glossy, overproduced representative of the maligned “Sony”style of third person adventures. They say it is a bloated example of the worst excesses of open world game design. They allege that it is “woke”, with its feminist and anti-war themes, and a protagonist who “looks like a real human woman” instead of a “hot video gamey supermodel who wants to fuck specky incels.”

I honestly don’t know what they’re on about… This game is fucking rad, and both it and its sequel consumed my life for dozens of hours when they released. But Zero Dawn gets the advantage for me for one reason: that story.

Both games are beautiful and fun to play, with engaging combat and exciting enemies to face of against, but the narrative of ZD was just so much more impactful to me. The world Guerilla Games built, a post-apocalypse whose fragile nascent recovery is at terrible risk, feels so real and fascinating to me. The characters are exemplary, particularly your heroine Aloy and her enigmatic mentor, Sylens (portrayed by the inimitable Lance Reddick, RIP). But the solution to the mystery of what befell the world, unraveled piece by piece as you explore the vast environments, was so stunning (and stunningly plausible) that it literally kept me up at night. Rare is the game that can initiate a proper existential crisis in me, but Horizon: Zero Dawn pulled it off.

I still think about it from time to time… It scares me. The game’s ultimate villain is an analogue for Elon Musk that is so on the nose that you almost can’t believe it. But it seems like every day, the real Musk becomes more and more like the somewhat exaggerated figure in H:ZD. (Obligatory Fuck Ted Faro.)

Some months ago in another post, I called this my favorite story in video games, and I think that holds up. Lamentably, I don’t know if I’ll ever find another 90 hours to invest in replaying this excellent game, but just the fact that the story still lingers after so many years is evidence enough that they did something right. At least, for me.

#3 - Super Mario Bros. 3, NES

Alright, so now we’re getting to the obvious ones. These are the games I should have the most to talk about, and yet… I probably don’t need to? There is nothing in my Top 3 that will shock you. You’re gonna see them and go, “yeah, obviously Super Mario Bros. 3 is one of the best games you’ve ever played, you boring old fart!”

So I guess I won’t linger too long on these. You don’t need me to tell you why this is my 3rd favorite game. It’s a damn good platformer, an utter classic. The gameplay innovations were both inventive and executed perfectly. The staggering number of levels is still impressive even now, much less back in 1989 when this game launched.

This is easily the best NES game. And of course it is. It’s fucking Mario. Nintendo didn’t miss on Mario games, not on the NES.

#2 - Super Mario World, SNES

They didn’t miss often on SNES either.

Why is Super Mario World higher than SMB3? Well, because I like it more. That’s pretty much it. If you want more detail, here you go. Some of this will be shockingly nitpicky.

1. Yoshi is my homeboy.

2. I like that many of the levels have hidden exits.

3. I like that the feather grants a flying ability that is indefinitely sustainable. The leaf from SMB3 is frustratingly limited, unless you use a P-wing, but that is practically cheating.

4. I think the physics on the more advanced SNES are better and they feel more natural to me.

5. There are fewer levels here that make me want to tear my scalp off.

For those of you who object to this placement, first of all, gimme a fucking break. It’s not like I said SMB3 sucks. It’s my third favorite game, ffs… But still, you could call these two games 2 and 2a if you like. They’re both stone cold all time classics. I just like SMW a little bit better. Sorry about it.

(I am not sorry about it.)

#1 - The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time, N64

You all should have seen this coming.

I am not shy about telling people that my favorite game of all time is The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time. It’s kind of a safe pick, tbh… It is the highest rated game of all time on Metacritic, with an aggregate score of 99, and a user score of 9.1, good in both cases for “universal acclaim”. I could speak more about the historical context, but I’m not a historian, and others have done that far better than I ever could.

It’s about how the game makes me feel. I feel like a kid again. I love the music, the story, the outstanding groundbreaking gameplay. The lore. The enemy variety. The boss fights. The secrets. The fact that I can still, 30 years later, find new things that I’ve never found before, go to new nooks and crannies I’ve never delved before.

I never get sick of it. I’ve played it almost yearly since launch, and I never tire of it. That’s nuts.

I would’ve said before this game that I “liked” Zelda games. But this game cemented the series as my favorite franchise in all of gaming (as my list from last week might have clued you into). I am on record stating that “there is no such thing as a bad Zelda game”, a truly hyperbolic statement that nonetheless bears truth to me. The only games in the series I can’t outright recommend as a perfect tribute to the form are the two NES games and Skyward Sword. But even Skyward Sword has plenty to recommend it. It’s just not very fun to actually play.

All of my enduring affection for the series can be traced to one afternoon in 1998 at my friend Dallas’s house, when he introduced me to the Nintendo 64 game that would forever dominate my destiny. Is it a perfect game? Objectively, emphatically no. But it is perfect to me.

That’s a wrap, folks. Thanks again for coming on this journey with me. Go read the final lists of my friends tagged up there. If there’s one thing I’ll take away from this exercise, it’s how wonderful, even magical how different our lists are. This hobby truly is an incredible source of memories and emotions. A monumental art form that we are all lucky to be able to partake of. I won’t take that for granted. I advise you to do the same.

See y’all next time.

Part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6, part 7, part 8.

Before we begin, I want to apologize.

This portion of my list is gonna be boring as hell. I’m sorry.

I actually scrambled a bit to come up with 100 games I thought were worthy of being in my top 100 list, so I didn’t limit myself to X games per franchise. So today will be an essentially endless cavalcade of glazing two different franchises who happen to be among my favorites. So it’s gonna get a bit repetitive. I’ll do my best to highlight the differences between them.

As ever, please go visit Lunar's Tuhat and ’s and ’s much more interesting lists, and I’ll see y’all again next week for the final portion of our lists. It’ll be more varied, I promise.

Let's get it started...

#20 - Crisis Core: Final Fantasy VII (PSP)

In 2004, following a successful (if controversial) launch of the first direct sequel in the Final Fantasy franchise, Final Fantasy X-2, the newly merged Square-Enix launched an ambitious undertaking designed to deliver a firehose of fanservice directly into the collective craw of Final Fantasy Fanatics the world over. Dubbed The Compilation of Final Fantasy VII, this eventually came to include several mobile only games, a PS2 sequel, a PSP prequel, and a feature length CGI-animated film, Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children. All of these expanded features set in the world of Final Fantasy VII were pretty bad, save for one: Crisis Core: Final Fantasy VII.

Beginning seven years before the main game begins, this entry features lovable SOLDIER Second-class Zack Fair as he tries to untangle a web of intrigue that will see Shin-Ra’s SOLDIER program in ruins, along with the fateful events in Nibelheim featured in the second act of Final Fantasy VII. This is a fun, fast-paced action RPG with a heartfelt, if somewhat endearingly goofy plot. Zack is a unique and interesting character in the FFVII canon, mostly because he seems to actually enjoy being alive, haha.

<FoReShAdoWiNg…..>

I feel confident in saying that this is pretty much the only worthy entry in the Compilation, with the understanding that I haven’t played any of the mobile games, as they were all Japan-only. But it isn’t just worthy as an entry in the series, it is also just a good game. Naturally you will get more out of it if you’ve played the original game, but I still feel confident in saying it was worth buying a PSP for it. Well, this and Lumines, of course.

#19 - Final Fantasy VII: Rebirth (PS5)

The most recent entry in the Final Fantasy VII extended universe is a somewhat controversial one. Actually, both of the “remake” games are. You can question whether the gameplay changes land for you, you can balk at the narrative swerves Squeenix is tossing in willy-nilly. You can even whinge about the endless, pointless padding through a truly disgusting number of minigames.

(It’s me. I’m gonna whinge about that.)

Far be it from me to complain about the amount of game you get for $70 (or $80, if you’re a consumerist whore like me and bought the deluxe steelbook edition), but holy hell, there are just. so. many. goddamn. pointless minigames here. It’s the first time I ever remember thinking that there is too much game here. I feel like if you cut about 60% of the side content, you’d have a solid platinum 10/10 game here.

Because I really do love this game. I spent most of my 80-ish hours here grinning like a doofy idiot in a haze of fanservice and dizzying graphical payload. I like the combat here, I know a lot of people don’t but I do. And I like the batshit story, and the expansions they made along the way. I gasped audibly when <spoiler redacted> showed up in Gongaga. It’s just a really solid action RPG with too, too many minigames. And fuck Chadley! Hate that cheeky little AI shit.

#18 - The Legend of Zelda: A Link Between Worlds (3DS)

A Link Between Worlds was the first “2D” Zelda in 4 years, assuming of course that you consider Spirit Tracks and Phantom Hourglass to be 2D. Which not everybody does. If you’re one of those, it had actually been 9 years since Minish Cap released for the Game Boy Advance.

I think this long wait was a factor in how beloved this game is, but to be honest, it’s just a fucking great game. It’s well made and well told, it has a unique story hook and gameplay mechanics. Its “go anywhere/do anything” world set the stage for the freedom that games like Breath of the Wild would take full advantage of. The graphics… are kinda stinky, actually. Like, I prefer the cel-shaded Wind Waker style to this goofy schlock. But it’s fine. At least it makes full use of the 3D as a gameplay element, adding literal depth to the dungeon design. It is one of the few 3DS games to actually do this well.

It also has one of the best soundtracks in the entire series, which is really saying something. And it takes full advantage of the familiar-ish map from A Link to the Past. It’s just a really solid Zelda game, and I love it.

#17 and #16 - The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild and The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom (Switch)

It is probably a sign that these two games landed next to each other on my list. Frankly, I kind of view them as two halves of the same game… This is a fair opinion to have, as they both use more or less the same map, and indeed, Tears of the Kingdom started life as a DLC expansion to Breath of the Wild.

I remember thinking, after beating Breath, that I had a new favorite Zelda game now. I also had a similar feeling after finishing Tears. In fact, I always think this after beating a Zelda game (except Skyward Sword, fuck that game). And it has never actually been true, but it’s probably a testament to just how well made these games are.

And to what a time investment they are! I can’t discount the possibility that the emotional catharsis of finally finishing a 130-hour game is a factor. Two 130-hour games, if I’m honest. And maybe that’s why, in the end, The Wild Duology falls all the way to 17/16… because I will probably never find the time to play them again, as much as I loved them. That’s just way too much time to invest in a game I’ve already finished, when I haven’t played Persona 5 Royal yet. Alas.

#15 - Donkey Kong Country (SNES)

Here it is, folks! The single, solitary entry on today’s list that isn’t a Zelda or Final Fantasy VII game.

Um… spoilers, I guess.

But it is one of my very favorite platformers of all time, Rare’s SNES masterpiece, Donkey Kong Country. And while the later entries improve on this icon in a number of ways, I’ve never bonded with them like I did with the original article.

What is there left to say about this game that hasn’t already been said? The graphics were groundbreaking in 1994 and they still hold up today. The levels are varied and challenging (okay, they’re hard as fuck). The soundtrack… by gods, the soundtrack! “Aquatic Ambience” is the absolute GOAT. David Wise, I hope you get a shoulder massage from a beautiful woman or man every single day of your life.

Yeah… it’s pretty fuckin’ hard, though. I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve actually finished it. I usually abuse save states to get through it these days, but it’s still one of my favorite nostalgic games to test doodads and mess around with. We salute you, ape god! May your bananas never turn brown!

#14 - The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past (SNES)

It’s probably a little controversial to say this, but I don’t think the Zelda franchise actually got good until A Link to the Past came out. It was just such an excellent confluence of what came before distilled into a perfect adventure that set the standard for the series going forward.

It’s colorful, it’s exciting. It sounds great, with iconic themes that still get referenced today. The first appearance of Zelda’s Lullaby, Hyrule Castle Theme, even Kakariko Village. Hell, even the Fairy Fountain Theme! The adventure spans two versions of a massive map, with nooks and crannies and secrets to explore. The story is Fine with a capital F, but there’s also so many tiny little vignettes to experience. Why is there a silent man standing at the entrance to the desert? Why is there a ghostly boy playing a flute in a forest glade near Kakariko Village? Will the lonely old man in the mountain cave ever shut the fuck up? These questions have answers, if you care to look. (Except that last one… the answer there is “no, he never will stfu”.)

A Link to the Past is the gold standard for 2D Zelda games. (Don’t at me about Link’s Awakening, alright?) And as amazing as later 2D games in the series would get, they still don’t really hold a candle to this SNES icon.

#13 - The Legend of Zelda: Wind Waker (GC)

More like, The Legend of Celda, amirite.

Okay, I admit, I was a little… um… consternated when Nintendo abandoned the more realistically proportioned 3D Zelda graphics in favor of this Saturday morning cartoon style. But by this point, I had faith that they knew what they were doing with the series, so I tried to keep an open mind. That faith paid major dividends when Wind Waker finally launched for GameCube in 2003.

It’s funny, I remember the backlash to the cel-shading. But no one is complaining now, because aside from just being a magnificent entry in the series from a gameplay and story standpoint, it’s probably the game that has aged the best in the entire series. Certainly better than the “darker”, muddier Twilight Princess. Personally, I took the brilliance of this game as a sign that we should just let Nintendo cook when it comes to this series. (I was burned by this when Skyward Sword released, haha).

Wind Waker isn’t my favorite game in the series, but I do think, for the most part, it is the series at its absolute best. If I could only recommend one game from the series to a newcomer, it would probably be this one. Maybe the HD remaster for some quality of life stuff… although it being locked to the Wii U is a major problem. C’mon Ninty, port that shit to the Switch/Switch 2 already. I’ll give you money for it!

#12 - Final Fantasy VII: Remake Intergrade (PS5)

The first part of what will ultimately be a trilogy remaking Final Fantasy VII. I kinda already talked about what I love about this new trilogy up above, but it bears repeating: I think the gameplay and combat is good (although the number of times I’ve tried to make Cloud jump like Sora it too damn high, haha. He can’t do that!) I think the expansion of the story is interesting, and the world of Midgar is pretty fantastically realized. The reworked soundtrack is excellent.

There’s a fair bit of padding. This first installment only covers the opening Midgar section of the original game, a span of about three to four hours. Remake expands that into almost 40 hours, and it is not exactly perfectly executed. But again, spent the vast overwhelming majority of those 40 hours grinning like a loon from sheer fanservice. Also, I have come to the conclusion that Tifa is best girl. She doesn’t need anyone to fight for her, but I’ll fuckin’ do it. Just try me.

I understand that it’s controversial. A lot of people are disappointed with how this remake trilogy is going. It won’t be for everyone. But I am loving it, enough to put it so high up here on this list. I will say, though, that I think whenever part 3 comes out, that might be the last AAA game I ever buy. The industry makes me sad.

If you don’t like the remake trilogy, I understand. I also have good news! The original game is still there! You can play it anytime you want!

#11 - Final Fantasy VII (PS1)

Speaking of…

Haha, I really didn’t plan for all the Final Fantasy VII games to land in the same ten spots. I promise next week will have more variety, and perhaps even a surprise or two!

It’s a testament to how beloved this game is that Square-Enix is spending hundreds of millions of dollars remaking it. And people are buying it! And some people are even liking it! But this original game… an absolute monument to the form.

Without Final Fantasy VII, you probably don’t still have PlayStations.

Without Final Fantasy VII, Japanese-style RPGs might never have gone mainstream.

Without Final Fantasy VII, I might not like RPGs at all. I might never have even played them. That would be a shame, as they are easily my favorite genre of games.

It shows its age, now. The graphics are primitive, the localization is laughable, the story is barely comprehensible without fifteen different YouTube story analysis videos. But the soundtrack by Nobuo… The excellent, if rudimentary gameplay… the sheer scope of the game? There was nothing like it before, and in terms of impact, very very few things like it since. It may not be my favorite in the series, or my favorite game of all time, but it definitely deserves credit for making me the gamer, nay, the man I am today.

Alright, next week is the final week. Which games made it into my top ten? What will I have to say about them? Will there be more than two fucking franchises on it? Stay tuned to find out! And don’t forget to check out my friends’ lists linked above. I have had an absolute blast comparing our incredibly diverse lists. I can’t wait to see what they all have in store.

See you next week!

It’s been a little while since I reviewed a doodad, so I’m a little out of practice… I also haven’t put much thought into what rhetorical gambit I’m gonna employ to casually ease into this, and I’m feeling kinda stupid today, so I’ll just be blunt.

This is an Ayaneo Pocket Air Mini. It is very good.

Dedicated readers of my ravings will possibly remember that my friend Brend conspired with Lunar to present me with a Mangmi Air X a couple months ago. It was a very generous and thoughtful gift, and I appreciated it. Unfortunately, the Mangmi Air X and I did not get along. I didn’t like the way it felt in my hands, it was cheap and rickety, and the thumbsticks were dumb, and it ran Android, but did not really have enough power to take advantage of it in any meaningful way. If I wanted a dedicated PSP doodad, well, I already have the Trimui Smart Pro S, and it runs Linux and can do just fine with PSP and everything under it. For 4:3 systems, I have my Anbernic 477M, which can run circles around the Mangmi, even with its obtuse Dimensity chipset.

So I didn’t like the Mangmi. As usually happens when I don’t gel with a device, I started looking for someone to offload it to, someone who might appreciate it better. It turns out, Brend himself was interested in the Air X as a tinker toy. And he just so happened to have a Pocket Air Mini he wasn’t gelling with. It’s like we planned it, haha.

So we made the swap. Brend has been super busy with raising his offspring of late, so I haven’t had much of a chance to discuss how he feels about the Mangmi, but I can tell you, from my point of view, I think I fleeced him, because the Pocket Air Mini is fabulous.

Let’s begin with the spec sheet: The Pocket Air Mini has a high definition 4.2in LCD screen, 4:3 aspect ratio, 1280x960 resolution. Hilariously, Ayaneo calls this “The World’s First 4.2” 4:3 HD Screen” which, yeah, maybe it’s the first one with those exact dimensions, but the rest of that statement is pretty misleading. There are plenty of other 4:3 HD screens out there, have been for a while, but whatever. The PAM has an MTK G90T processor, giving it plenty of power for N64, Dreamcast, and PSP, and even a smattering of less-demanding GC and PS2 games (although I haven’t tested this myself… got plenty of other stuff to play on it!) Hall Effect analog triggers and sticks, which needed a bit of calibration to reach their full potential, but they feel great. And the PAM has a smaller, pocket friendly body with quality feeling plastics and a very comfortable shape.

This is my first device from Ayaneo, a company that has a reputation of being… well, expensive. They definitely carved a niche for themselves in the premium handhelds market, and have no compunctions about charging $600 for a glorified Game Boy. That’s why it’s pretty crazy that the PAM’s best feature is the price: it starts around $100, and for that, you get, like, just the best horizontal Game Boy. The price to performance and quality ratio here is off the charts. For anyone looking in the budget space for something to play Final Fantasy VII on, this will be my first and only recommendation going forward.

It’s not a perfect device, to be clear. It feels great and all, but it is on the smaller side. Great for pockets, not as much for extended play sessions. Gets a bit hot, too, although the fan is whisper quiet. And the battery life isn’t the best. I spent more or less all day Saturday playing Metroid Fusion, a Game Boy Advance game, hardly a demanding platform even for lower power devices, but I had to charge the PAM twice in order to finish that 5-hour game.

Now that’s a little misleading, I guess… it was 5 hours according to the internal clock of the emulator, but I definitely save-scummed a bit on that challenging Metroidvania. I also realized later that night that I had been playing the game on maximum brightness, with the screen set to “kill”, not “stun”. I’m sure that was a factor. It has a 4500mAh battery, which isn’t yuge, but it’s fine enough. And the much vaunted GammaOS build of Android positively sips battery on sleep mode. You could leave it in sleep for over a week and still have about half your battery left.

So let’s do the rundown, now:

Aesthetics: 10/10. It’s a real pretty thing. I sort of adore this retro white colorway with the red accents. By default, the sticks are a sort of cream color to match the body, but Ayaneo included red stick caps in case you prefer that look, and I do. This probably wouldn’t have been my first choice… it’s the one Brend had, so I had to accept it, haha. If I was ordering direct from Ayaneo, I’d probably have gotten either black or one of their limited colorways, like the yellow B.Duck collab. This would have been a mistake. The Retro White has absolutely sold me, and I even got a beautiful case that matches it. It will probably get dirty eventually, but for now, I’m smitten.

Build Quality: 9/10. It feels premium, absolutely stunning quality for a $100 doodad. Say what you will about Ayaneo and their pricing… generally their doodads are equal to it. I reserve 10/10s for doodads you can use as a melee weapon (*cough*Brick Hammer*cough*), but this is as good as you can get for a plastic doodad that is only $100. (Man, I keep harping on that, but it’s really astonishing how good the quality is for that price.)

Firmware: 6/10. It’s Android, and probably a bit overpowered for what you’ll want to do with it. Android isn’t my favorite, although GammaOS is a significant improvement over the base build. One quibble I have, which I could probably fix if I cared enough, is that ES:DE resets itself pretty much every time I load and then quit a game. It’s a simple matter of waiting 15 seconds or so for it to load up, but it’s still kind of annoying.

Portability: 8/10. Surprisingly good! I dunno why I was expecting the PAM to be bigger, but after I got over the initial shock, I’m pretty satisfied with it. Fits in a pocket real good, and the thumbsticks are pretty cleverly recessed to provide decent range of motion without sticking out too much. And the ergonomics are better than you might expect for a small doodad.

Fun Factor: 10/10. It’s fun. It’s a small, good looking doodad and it makes me smile. And while it feels like a “mature” piece of kit, it still tickles that “play” nodule in my brain. I like using it, and I’m gonna keep using it.

This is probably my least relevant, most haphazard doodad review to date, but all I can really say is that the Pocket Air Mini is an astonishing machine for its price point. Even a year later, I still feel like it’s the gold standard for the $100 horizontal retro handheld space. I always said that someday, I would be willing to pay a ridiculous price to finally own an Ayaneo, the (alleged, supposed) best of the best, and to think you can have that Ayaneo mystique for $100? It’s absurd. It’s an absurd value.

I guess if I wanted to tie this review into current events, I could mention the KONKR Pocket Advance:

The KONKR Pocket Advance is an upcoming device from Ayaneo’s “budget” brand, KONKR. As you can see, it’s a clear homage to the original Nintendo Game Boy Advance. It has a 3.5in LCD screen, 3:2 aspect ratio (which matches GBA perfectly). It comes in at around the same price as the PAM, and it is, more or less, a PAM in a GBA costume. I cannot lie, this doodad tempts me mightily. It just looks so good, so authentic, and I know the innards are good, and the quality will be fantastic as well.

But I won’t be getting one. It’s a slightly less versatile Pocket Air Mini, and I already have one of those. I’ll just try to keep that in mind as we go through the review cycle for this classy looking GBA tribute. But if you don’t have a PAM yet, this Pocket Advance may be an option for you, particularly if you’re a big GBA-head. It will be, probably, the best way to play GBA going forward, certainly the most authentic.

But don’t ignore the humble PAM over there in the corner. Everyone might be tempted by her younger sister, but she’s still got it going on.

I think if you asked me, I’d say that I like Metroidvanias. Certainly I have somehow amassed a great number of them in my retro and Steam backlogs over the years. The name of the genre makes me feel... excited? At least, interested. I am interested in checking out your indie Metroidvania.

I guess that’s kind of weird when I think about how many of them I’ve actually played, which is to say, not that many. I have played the original Metroid for NES. I have played a handful of games with Metroidvania mechanics, if not actually in the genre. I played Super Castlevania IV, which gaming historians will note, is not a Metroidvania. It is key to also note that I wasn’t overly impressed with those games. They’re fine. But not, like, among my favorites. They tend to be quite difficult to the point of frustration, and I almost always use a walkthrough.

So why do I like the idea of Metroidvanias so much?

I carried this question with me into this month’s Dusty Game Society selection, Metroid Fusion. A proper, old-school Metroidvania, indeed a textbook example of it, as all Metroid games are. Which makes sense by definition, I guess.

But I was excited to dig into this game, like all Metroidvanias I come across. Maybe this GBA classic would show me the spark I have been looking for. (At the very least, it would eliminate yet another game off my endless backlog.) What I found was a pretty, tidy adventure made especially for handheld gaming, with a challenging if not overwhelming gameplay loop, and frustratingly limited control scheme. I dunno if I found what I was looking for in Metroid Fusion, but at least I can say that I’m encouraged to keep looking.

(Maybe I just need to unlock the double jump and come back to explore some more.)

Gameplay

For those who don’t know, a Metroidvania is characterized by the following attributes:

1) A large interconnected map, maze-like and contiguous (as opposed to discrete ‘levels’).

2) Utility-gated progression requiring advanced techniques or powers to fully traverse and explore.

3) Backtracking to earlier areas in order to obtain further tools or information to proceed.

The name Metroidvania is derived from the two classic game franchises that best exemplified these emerging trends.

Metroid Fusion is a textbook example of the genre, a side-scrolling action adventure/shooter featuring the redoubtable bounty hunter Samus Aran. Your milieu for the day is Biologic Space Laboratories’s research station orbiting the planet SR388. Inside you will face off against various creatures infected by a mysterious pathogen called “X”. Using Samus’s blaster, missiles, and various other skills, you will solve complex missions involving recovering life support systems, information, and other... peculiarities aboard.

Samus is agile and skilled... Me? Not so much. Her abilities make her perfectly suited for the mission, but as she’s under my control, she makes a lot of mistakes. Combat is fast paced and brutal, and despite finding Energy Tank enhancements throughout the station, I never really felt like I was “safe” as the various space monsties hit like a collective train. There aren’t many invincibility frames, either, so it can be pretty common to get stunlocked and buy the farm in almost no time at all. Enemies require different strategies to eliminate, too. And sometimes you will encounter enemies that Samus is not yet equipped to confront. In those cases, evasion is the key.

Samus moves quickly and jumps high, but even these abilities can be supplemented with unlocks following battle, or upgrades sent by HQ. What this amounts to is an almost overwhelming surplus of options, if you can only tame them. I achieved somewhat mixed results.

I think the game is a bit hampered by the platform... GBA only has two face buttons and two shoulder buttons to work with. Metroid Fusion accomplishes quite a lot with those limitations, but I feel like there were many times I just couldn’t move my fingers fast enough to pull off the maneuvers it was demanding of me.

If I had more buttons to work with, maybe some of the auxiliary functions could have a dedicated button to execute. Maybe that would make it easier for me.

Maybe I’m missing the point. It’s supposed to be hard.

I also can’t discount the possibility that I was let down by my hardware, but I doubt it. The Ayaneo Pocket Air Mini I played on is a perfectly capable and comfortable device, and it is a poor craftsman who blames his tool. But I do wonder if playing it on original hardware would make the experience less mechanically difficult. Probably not.

I’ll just end by saying that I never quite got the hang of some of Samus’s advanced moveset. In particular, wall jumping with any reliability completely eluded me for the entire runtime. Ditto Space Jump, although I was eventually able to clumsily bulldoze my way through the limited times it was required. They were, without a doubt, the most frustrated I ever was while playing Metroid Fusion.

Story

While exploring the dangerous and mysterious planet SR388, renowned galactic bounty hunter Samus Aran is infected with a strange pathogen, called “X”. Samus is injected with a vaccine derived from a Metroid to combat the infection. Parts of her infected Power Suit were sent to the orbiting Biologic Space Laboratories’s orbital station above SR388 in order to research the organism, but shortly thereafter, the Galactic Federation loses contact with the station. Naturally, the most skilled and best equipped person in the galaxy is sent to investigate.

Samus arrives to find the station overrun by creatures infected with X. She is commissioned to save the station and find any surviving researchers, but finds herself in a deadly game of cat and mouse with SA-X, a mutated copy of Samus herself made manifest by the X pathogen. Can Samus save the station, and indeed the galaxy from being overrun by the X pathogen? Or will she fall to a demented version of herself?

I don’t want to say that the story of a Metroidvania is unimportant. There are plenty of examples in the genre that belie that statement. But I do believe, at least here in Metroid Fusion, that the plot is secondary to the exploration. Most of the plot points are unrelated, mere excuses to send Samus into the next area to explore and solve some calamity/kill some monstrosity. (Heck, this was even truer in the original Metroid, where the entire plot can be summed up in one page of text.)

There is a kind of intrigue that happens here, but it’s nothing too complex. I must admit, not having played either Super Metroid or Return of Samus, there’s probably a lot “between the lines” that I didn’t really pick up or recognize the importance of. Doesn’t matter, I still think the game stands up fine on its own without too much narrative justification.

Graphics

By the gods, ‘tis a pretty thing! I love saturated colors in my games, make me blind with a menagerie of palettes! GBA games in particular tend to be especially vibrant, because the original hardware tended to wash colors out on its unlit LCD screens. Even the later SP models with their front and/or back lit screens had this issue. Devs compensated by increasing color saturation to 11. This means that GBA games look almost brutally colorful on modern displays.

Metroid Fusion makes good use of the 32,768 colors available for the GBA. It is varied and pleasing, with each location distinctive and recognizable. Samus herself sports several appearances over the course of the game, and all three versions of her Power Armor are unique and fun.

The enemy sprites are varied and detailed as well. Some of them are true cosmic nightmares, as befits a series thematically descended from the Aliens film franchise. There are even a smattering of CG cutscenes which really add to the atmosphere, particularly the ones featuring the deadly SA-X, who somehow manages to be creepy and intimidating in 16-bits. I can’t complain about the graphics at all, top notch execution on the GBA.

Sound

Sound design is, once again, pretty awesome. The various monsties and their evil monstrosity overlords sound unique and intimidating. All of the other sound effects are appropriate and realistic. I was about to say “No voice acting, obviously”, but that’s actually not true. The stations computer occasionally says things like “Danger! Core reactor critical!” or “Access denied to unauthorized personnel”, and it sounds awesome, even from a tiny mobile speaker. (The sound on the GBA was generally pretty bad, but it sounds fine coming from the Pocket Air Mini).

The soundtrack is... fine. I’m starting to feel like I just don’t have the ear for these things anymore. Unless something really stands out (for better or worse), I’m probably not going to notice it enough to comment on it. I’ll try to work on that.

So I don’t have any “favorite tracks” or anything. I will say that the composers Minako Hamano and Akira Fujiwara understand when the music is supposed to be strident and adventurous and space opera-y, and when it should be close and intimidating and ominous. They really nail atmosphere more than recognizable theme songs. In fact, I just read that Hamano aimed for “serious ambient music rather than melody” because she did not want the exploration themes to be “annoying”. So I guess I can be forgiven for treating the soundtrack as background music... It literally is that.

Play Time/ Replayability

The great thing about Metroid games is that you are encouraged to speedrun them. You can earn alternate ending splash screens for meeting certain time and completion benchmarks. What this means is, Metroid Fusion is intended to be completable in less than 2 hours.

I... did not do this.

That requires a level of familiarity and skill that I do not have, and indeed may not be capable of anymore, if I ever was. Still, I finished Metroid Fusion in a single day, with a total play time of less than 5 hours. Which is not fast enough to get anything other than the default ending screen, haha. It also does not account for shameless save state abuse.

But I can honestly say, no cheat codes this time. The game starts off reasonably easy, to be honest... If you’re diligent about exploring, you can get many health and ammo upgrades to make your life a little easier. I feel like there were eventually a couple of difficulty spikes which made certain tasks pretty frustrating, and the final escape/boss with a 5:00 minute timer was diabolical. That final boss was a huge pain in the ass, too.

I didn’t use cheats, though, because every time I tried, RetroArch would lock up. So cheaters never prosper, I guess.

Is Metroid Fusion replayable? Well, yeah, you’re sort of meant to, to get a better time or find all the secrets. It’s short enough to be doable in, like, one sitting, and there’s enough variety here to keep your attention. The story is kind of nothing, but that just means less plot drama to get in the way of your Samus-ing.

Conclusion

I feel like Metroid Fusion was exactly what it should be, a challenging exploration adventure with lots of shooty-shooty. I was impressed by the graphics and sound, infuriated by the limited controls, and whelmed by the story. Good enough to recommend, but I dunno if I need to play it again.

I will say this: it’s obvious that a lot of effort went into making it pocket-friendly. There are plenty of Save rooms strewn about, so it’s as pick up and play as it gets, and it even has a sleep feature, which was old hat by the DS days, but still pretty novel in the GBA era. So if you’re looking for a Metroidvania to play on the move, and doesn’t overstay its welcome, Metroid Fusion is a fine choice.

I could see myself having great affection for this game if I played it in my youth. As it is, it didn’t blow my socks off or anything, but it was fine enough to finish, and not just because it was less than 5 hours long. It hasn’t sold me on Metroidvanias, not quite. But it hasn’t soured me, either.

Metroid Fusion: 7/10

Gosh, aren’t you tired of me yet?

This is part 8 of our ongoing series of our top 100 games, and I’m not sure what’s left to say at this point, at least in terms of introduction. You know what we’re here for, let’s just get to the list, mmmkay?

As ever, go visit Lunar's Tuhat and the respective ‘Stacks of and to see much more interesting lists.

Let’sa go.

#30/29 - Uncharted 2: Among Thieves (PS3) and Uncharted 4: A Thief’s End (PS4)

I’m just gonna cram these two together for simplicity’s sake. Technically Uncharted 4 edged out Uncharted 2 via PubMeeple, but honestly, I’m not sure that’s correct. And which one I prefer will probably depend on which day you ask me.

They both are incredible games though. A Thief’s End has the edge in both technology (arriving a console generation later) and probably story? Probably? The interplay between a Nate Drake trying to settle into an average life versus his scalawag brother showing up with the keys to a fortune and trouble on his tail is wonderful storytelling, and adding the inimitable Troy Baker to the incomparable Nolan North is a voice casting match made in heaven.

You really can’t beat Among Thieves for sheer spectacle, though. Beginning in media res, hanging off a cliff in the Himalayas, with what remains of your train crumbling around you, gutshot, no idea what’s going on… it’s a tremendous way to start a new adventure, and the game never really lets up from there. Introducing the sassy, sensual Chloe Frazier as a foil for Nate, and with the intimidating Lazarević as your nemesis for this mission, the characters really add new depths to the fledgling saga.

Both games feature the same absolutely rock solid gameplay and stunning production values the series is known for. I have a hard time choosing between them for which I love best, so I’ll just let them both live here.

#28 - Star Wars: Jedi: Survivor, PS5

The continuing adventures of Cal Kestis, Jedi Knight and perpetual thorn in the Galactic Empire’s side.

I really enjoyed the first Jedi game, but this sequel improves on it in pretty much every respect. The story’s better, the voice acting is excellent, the new gameplay features are top notch, and the graphics…

The graphics. Hoo boy.

This game was absolutely fucked at launch. Repeatable crashes, borked framerate, screen tearing, all the greatest hits for an unstable engine. And this is on top of the generally suboptimal character models. There’s no doubt in my mind Survivor was rushed out to meet a Star Wars Day deadline. In fairness to developer Respawn, they made two or three improvement patches available within two weeks of launch that stabilized the game substantially, but honestly, I’d rather have just waited two or three more weeks for the game to launch in a more playable state. It is this game that finally taught me the lesson to not buy games at launch.

So wait… What’s it doing all the way up here at #28?

Well, my friends… it’s just a damned good game, in spite of the technical shortcomings when I played through it. And it must be a damned good game for me to have put up with the unstable engine in order to give it the 25-30hrs I needed to finish it. It’s fun to play, Cal’s got so many new moves, and the story… man, it might be my favorite non-movie story in the entire Star Wars canon. At least since Disney vaped the old EU. It’s by far the best story of any Star Wars game I’ve played (with the understanding that I have not played Knights of the Old Republic or its sequel.)

It really bums me out that EA (who owns Respawn) have just sold out to the royal family of Saudi Arabia, because I will have a real ethical conundrum when the inevitable third Jedi game comes out. Perhaps I shall load up my Jolly Roger and sail. We shall see.

#27 - Horizon: Forbidden West, PS4

Spoiler Alert: This is not the last time you’ll see Horizon on this list. But while I prefer the original game for its sheer narrative impact, the second game is, mechanically at least, a vast improvement over the first game by a pretty wide margin.

A vast open world to explore, tons of nooks and crannies and puzzles to solve, interesting and challenging combat around every turn, and absolutely stunning graphics and world design make this a feast for the senses. I definitely got a better feel for the ranged combat this time around, and the improvements to special attacks and crafting are excellent. Voice acting and soundtrack are spectacular (except that Aloy never shuts the fuck up when I’m trying to solve a puzzle), and there are definitely some pretty satisfying story bits as well. Best of all, maybe, is the more varied landscape, as you actually make it to the coast in this game, as well as a nifty underground version of Las Vegas, somehow preserved under the sands.

I dunno, I think I’m just raving at this point. I better move on, or I won’t have anything to say when the other game comes up.

#26 - Final Fantasy IX, PS1

This is the first of the “Golden Era” Final Fantasies to show up on this list, but before you accuse me of disrespecting it, I’ll remind you that we’re all the way up to #26. As in, Final Fantasy IX is the 26th best game I’ve played of all time. So slow your roll.

This charming throwback to the earlier fantasy-themed titles of the series has a unique style all its own, with an anime/Saturday morning cartoon aesthetic that belies its deep themes of loneliness, friendship, and destiny. The story goes some places, man… You wouldn’t believe how fraught this adventure actually is, and yet, it somehow never loses that innocent charm, that spark of optimism. Even at its darkest moments, fighting a literal god of the nothingness, you never quite lose hope that it will all turn out alright.

Couple this with a traditional yet fun combat system, and Nobuo Uematsu’s most expansive soundtrack to date, and you’ve got a truly incredible game that was underrated at large for a very long time. It has seen a re-evaluation in recent years, justifiably so. It deserves all its flowers, for sure. Bring a tissue, cause this one will bring tears to your eyes. But you can always tell that it loves you.

#25 - ActRaiser, SNES

As we enter the top quarter of the list, we come to a nostalgic favorite of mine from my youth, ActRaiser. Developed as an early title for the SNES by noted studio Quintet, this game features a uniquely unhinged combination of action platformer and <checks notes> city builder?

What?

Yeah, it’s true. Sandwiched between challenging action levels featuring sword and magic combat, you take the role of essentially God, directing your flock to build up their cities, answering their prayers, defending them from demons that infest the land, and guiding them to a higher level of civilization. Achieve enough success here, and your power increases, making the action levels just a bit more survivable.

The story is your usual fable about God banishing evil demons and bringing back the light to the world. Apparently, the Japanese version is even more explicitly Christian-themed, but Nintendo of America toned these things back for the North American release. It’s fine, it’s still a good story. But it is the gameplay, and the colorful graphics, and especially the absolutely outstanding soundtrack by Yuzo Koshiro that keep me coming back to this unique title. Maybe Quintet got more acclaim for their later “Heaven and Earth” Trilogy (Soul Blazer, Illusion of Gaia, and Terranigma), but I haven’t played those yet. I can confirm, however, that ActRaiser is a stone cold classic.

#24 - Chrono Trigger, SNES

So, I’ve been pretty clear from the start that this is a very subjective list, and that it is based on my favorite games, not the objectively best games. That’s why Final Fantasy VI was all the way back in the 80s.

And why Chrono Trigger is here at #24.

Is this the best game ever made? Well, yeah, maybe! Certainly it has a claim to the title, depending on who you ask. A late game in the SNES’s life cycle, featuring contributions from Hironubo Sakaguchi (Final Fantasy), Yuji Horii (Dragon Quest), and Akira Toriyama (DQ, Dragonball Z), and with a superlative soundtrack from Yasunori Mitsuda and Nobuo Uematsu, this game was the result of a fabulous dream team of development. The story of how the game was made is almost as interesting as the game itself!

It’s a beautiful game, too. Excellent, exquisitely crafted sprites, a thrilling and moving story featuring timeless characters, and a soundtrack that, I cannot stress enough, is one of the best ever composed. I can’t really put it any better than that.

Very few games I would consider absolute “must plays” for any gamer. But Chrono Trigger is one such game.

#23 - Kirby’s Adventure, NES

Kirby’s Adventure is my favorite Kirby game. A lot of them tend to sort of run together in the sense that they don’t deviate from the formula much, but that formula was first established here: a bright, fast paced platformer with a bunch of copy-abilities that Kirby can acquire from eating enemies. This is just the perfect combination of factors. It’s fun, colorful, pretty, not too challenging, but not brain dead either. Secrets to find to unlock hidden portions of the map. Great soundtrack.

Yeah, I dunno. I just don’t have much more to say.

The performance on the NES was pretty appalling, to be honest… this is a very late NES game, and developer Hudson really tried to push the little grey box as hard as it would go, and maybe they asked a little too much of it. Kid me didn’t care, slowdown was less an inconvenience and more just an occupational hazard back in the day. If you want a fully remastered version, the GBA game Nightmare in Dreamland will serve, with even more beautiful graphics and a refined and expanded soundtrack. This is not my favorite way to play it, however… the limited 3:2 aspect ratio of the GBA makes this game feel very cramped.

It might be a bit tricky to make it work these days, but if you can somehow… acquire the 3D Classics version of Kirby’s Adventure for 3DS, I would call that the definitive way to play this game. Absolutely stable performance with the original sprites and soundtrack. Perfection.

#22 - Final Fantasy V, Super Famicom

Here it is, my favorite 2D Final Fantasy game, and it’s kind of a controversial pick.

Maybe not in terms of gameplay… Final Fantasy V features probably the best implementation of the traditional job system in the series, at least until you get to vastly more complex titles like Final Fantasy XIV. The battles are snappy and fun, with a solid version of the ATB system, and over two dozen jobs to play around with. Progression through these jobs is addicting and fun, and I never fail to max them all out, so I can have the absolute best Freelancers possible.

No, the controversy is that, in terms of presentation, Final Fantasy V is considered a bit lacking… The story is wacky and unserious (until it isn’t), the soundtrack is considered mid, and the graphics a little muddy and monochromatic.

I probably don’t need to tell you that I don’t agree with this assessment. The story is very meaningful to me, even if the villain leaves a bit to be desired. The conceit of having just four party members means each character gets more time to shine. And the overarching themes of friendship and sacrifice resonate very deeply with me. Honestly, it should resonate with a lot of Millennials and Gen Z-ers too, with its themes of cleaning up the messes of older generations, haha…

The soundtrack, too, is one of my favorites. If you read my recent article about Final Fantasy music, you’ll know that “Dear Friends” from the conclusion of Final Fantasy V is my all time favorite FF song. For many reasons, it just hits me where I live.

So yeah, a lot of folks will disagree, but that’s fine. You can all be wrong. It’s not illegal.

The PIXEL Remaster version is exquisite.

#21 - Control, PS5

Control surprised the hell out of me in a lot of different ways.

I had heard it was a decent game, and SCP Foundation-adjacent, so when I finally invested in a PS5 and saw the Ultimate Edition on sale for a pittance (like $8 or something), I figured it was worth a shot.

My gods. I did not know what I was in for.

First of all, the graphics are utterly glorious. I’m sure a bit of my enthusiasm can be attributed to playing it on PS5, but holy wow this game looks fucking great. It’s creepy, too. I hadn’t played Remedy’s Alan Wake prior to this, so I didn’t know what kind of vibe to expect, but I was enraptured and disturbed at the same time. The soundtrack kicks ass, the story is, well, sort of meh actually, but the setting and supplemental materials, and especially the off-kilter characters are all top notch.

The gunplay isn’t anything special, but add in a few magic powers and you can have a good old time. It’s challenging, too, but not frustrating. And it features one of my very favorite sequences in any action game, the Ashtray Maze. If you know, you know. Take Control, indeed.

I adored this game from start to finish, and I think I’m due for a replay before the sequel comes out sometime this year.

Welp, that’s it for this week! Tune in next week when we break into the Top 20… Won’t be long now. I hope you’re enjoying this series. I certainly am… it’s been so fascinating comparing all of our lists, and seeing how substantially different they are. Don’t forget to check out Lunar’s, Emory’s, and Replay’s lists as well! See you next week!

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This is going to be a challenging review to write.

Based solely on the synopsis of 1000xRESIST, I expected to experience something akin to NieR: Automata: a deep, emotional exploration of a post apocalyptic landscape through the eyes of a person who is not human... but is human-adjacent. Perhaps with limited understanding of what being human is. Perhaps to attain something close enough to being human, just in time to experience the worst a human can feel.

And, to be fair, that’s kind of what I got. But to be honest, if the two games could be compared on a scale of power, I believe NieR: Automata is roughly on the level of a jet engine, while 1000xRESIST is approximately a collapsed neutron star.

It’s not that the ideas of 1000xRESIST are so much more impactful on their own. It’s a matter of density. NieR: Automata’s story is a profound study of perseverance in the face of overwhelming nihilism, but 1000xRESIST has that, plus generational trauma, plus adversity in ethnic diaspora, plus powerful survivor’s guilt, plus incredible loneliness.

So yeah, I’m having trouble nailing down exactly what I want to say here. Nothing for it, I suppose, except to plow forward full steam ahead, in my usual style, and hope I have something worth reading when the dust settles. I guess I could start by saying, from a gameplay and graphical perspective, there’s nothing really special here, but the story...

The most important part of the game, to me?

That’s something altogether different.

Gameplay

1000xRESIST is a narrative-focused adventure title, usually in third person, but often in first person as well. It could fairly be classified as a “walking simulator”, a term I often hear bandied about as a pejorative, but a kind of game that I’m quite fond of. The main gameplay loop is exploring sundry environments of varying legibility to interview NPCs and solve rudimentary logic puzzles.

In keeping with the non-linear narrative (more on that in a bit), the environments themselves do not necessarily adhere to any permanent logic or spacetime configuration. A lot of what happens takes place during “communion”, a kind of theoretical memory construct where places can be examined from multiple angles, depending on perspective. Maze-like maps repeat themselves, NPCs loom out of nowhere to deliver clues, and some brain sweat will need to be invested to solve the abstract conversational traps you find yourself in.

My advice, to those who will play this game, is to talk to everyone and examine everything. If your cursor highlights it, press “A”. Really listen to what you are told, and really think about it, and you’ll come out alright. Save for one timed event at the very end of the game, you have all the time you need, so use it.

For my part, I found 1000xRESIST to be an able diversion as a game, if not exceptional. To be honest, it’s not what I would call “fun to play”, but as a vehicle for the gargantuan themes, it’s fine.

Story

The most important feature of a “walking sim”. And 1000xRESIST crushes it.

Following a devastating pandemic (ouch, pointy), a single teenager is left alive in a place called the Orchard. Somehow, she alone is immune to the devastating plague brought to Earth by the enigmatic Occupiers, a spacefaring race so alien that they lack the ability to communicate with humanity. But she is not alone. Using technology she barely understands, she creates clones of herself to populate the Orchard, and together they seek to understand the Occupiers, and rid the Earth of their scourge once and for all.

A key part of the plan is Watcher, a clone that has been assigned to observe and understand everything. Together with her sisters and the mysterious Secretary, she will examine The ALLMother’s memories in order to find the clues to defeat the invasion. But the memories are fragmentary and the task is difficult. And there are other factors to consider...

I already outlined some of the themes you will encounter in this story, but it’s impossible to convey how complex this story is, and how painfully emotional. On top of the dark subject matter of the plot, there are also various literary devices employed that make this an especially difficult story to parse: non-linear storytelling, pervasive ambiguity, unreliable narration, constantly shifting perspectives, and cruel metaphor. Ultimately, it’s a tale of surviving at the cost of living, and humanity’s inevitable faltering due to monumental generational trauma, even genetic trauma (if such a thing could be said to exist).

Despite the unrelenting cruelty of the story, this narrative somehow turns a cadre of clones into one of the most realistic and heartbreaking collections of amazing characters I’ve ever seen in a game. NieR: Automata had the bleakness and the nihilism, but aside from the principle characters, there wasn’t really anything memorable about the dozens of androids I encountered there. Not so, here... every little character, even the one-off NPCs who buy it after one scene, is so terrifically realized and executed. They may all share the same genetic stock, but that does not make them the same person.

It may seem intimidating from my description, but I promise you, if you stick with it, eventually the fog will lift, and the meaning will become clear. All the unusual phrases and rituals, all the unresolved callbacks, all will be understood, if you care enough to invest in it.

Graphics

I guess I should mention I played this game on Nintendo Switch. That’s the first one. The original. So I guess you can probably imagine that the graphics aren’t exactly cutting edge. On top of that, you’ve got a very small team of just four programmers working on what is very clearly an ambitious project, that is also very clearly an indie project. The clear priority for this team was the telling of the story, not the graphics.

A few specific issues: The environments and props, even the character models to a certain extent, are very very basic. As in flat, non-textured polygons basic. It can be hard to navigate the Orchard for lack of distinguishing landmarks. (Fortunately the game provides a mostly usable map.) The framerate isn’t what I would call robust... It’s stable enough, for the most part, but it doesn’t take much to grind it down noticeably. And lip-syncing is hard, so they didn’t even bother... The character models’ mouths do not move during dialogue. It’s fine, I guess, but a little distracting in this day and age. Fortunately, every character wears an industrial looking mask of various designs, and most of them cover the mouth completely. And now you know why.

The game also crashed on me. Three times. I lost progress every time. That was annoying.

I don’t want to give the impression that this game is ugly, however. In fact, it can be quite beautiful. The use of color is bold and striking, as are the various designs of elements such as the Occupiers. Unsettling, in the best possible way. Somehow, the devs were able to take the same face on every character and make them distinctive... glasses here, a different hairstyle there. The sundry mask designs do some lifting here as well. And if the design of the world is simplistic, at least it can be said to have its lovely moments as well.

So for performance, I’d say, “meh.” But the art direction is very unique, and I’d love to see someone refurbish this game with better assets that can convey it more suitably. I know that will probably not happen, but, eh, I can dream.

Sound

The sound design of 1000xRESIST is exquisite. Aside from the story, I’d call it the best executed part of the game.

Something I was not expecting with this game was how fucking creepy it would be. This is not the first time a game has blindsided me like this... Control also touched me this way. In both cases the sound design is a big factor... the soundtrack and foley are perfectly balanced to provide moments of warmth and safety, as well as moments of unnerving anxiety. While the soundtrack is mostly piano and futuristic synth, the backmasking and subtle use of accidentals give some scenes exactly the right amount of trepidation. Add to that the sounds of a world that has died (or especially the lack thereof), and you’ve got a real emotional blender here.

And the voice acting is, for the most part, outstanding. Surprisingly, for a collection of clones, all of the principles seem to have their own dedicated voice actors, and all of them do a tremendous job of adding to the astonishing characters they portray. Bang Bang Fire, the security chief of the Orchard, is cunningly played against type, an airy, whimsical, gleefully incongruous performance of a philosopher rather than a soldier. The jaded performance for Healer really sells the character of an older sister who is burnt out from watching her siblings die. The Secretary is portrayed by a literal child, and nothing is done to dress it up, it is fitting for an entity that is just learning how the world works.

There are a handful of performances that fall somewhat flat. The memories of Johnson the 50 are borderline soporific. There’s no character to him at all, even if he could have been one of the more intriguing characters from a plot standpoint. But for every Johnson the 50, there are twenty sister shells who are funny and silly and endearing.

Play Time/ Replayability

My play time came in at about 12-13 hrs, over the course of about ten days. I’d be lying if I said I played it every day. This has been a rough week for me, and some days I just couldn’t face the darkness. It’s a hefty bite for a walking sim, which it absolutely earns with its examination of its themes and expression of its mysteries, but I can see how that might be a bit too much to swallow if you’re not a fan of the medium.

Frankly, while there are plenty of opportunities to put your own spin on the way conversations play out, I’m not sure there’s enough here to justify 1000xRESIST being a video game. If you made this as a 13-episode anime miniseries on Netflix, I’m not sure much would be lost. Such is the way with walking sims.

As for replayability, well... there are seven different endings, based on a decision you make at the literal very end of the game, so a strategic save in the right place could enable you to see all of them with a minimum of fuss. There are no side quests, no minigames. Nothing much else to bring you back, except the promise of new understanding and clarity in the earlier, more ambiguous chapters. Perhaps that would be enough for some luminous beings, but not crude matter like me. I don’t know if I will every play it again, to be honest. Certainly not for a very long time. I need to play something more cheery now.

Conclusion

Some of you are gonna look at my score of 7/10 and think, “meh.” And that’s fair.

Some of you who have already played 1000xRESIST are going to think, “Blasphemer!” And that’s fair too.

This is a monumental game. The plot is absolutely S-class, God-tier. It’s emotional and hurtful and scary and desperate and hopeful and occasionally disarmingly funny, and I have never experienced anything quite like it before, and I don’t expect to again for a long long time. The visuals, while not technically impressive, are arresting and unique, and I will be seeing Watcher’s livid glare in my nightmares for some time. The soundtrack and especially the voice acting are sublime.

I just... I keep coming back to the feeling that this would’ve been better as a show. Not a movie (unless you could somehow guarantee enough sequels to tell the whole story). But not as a video game either. As a video game, it’s not that fun to play.

I will say though that this is, without doubt, the best 7/10 I’ve ever played. A paltry score for this story, call that a 12/10.

7/10

So that’s one of 25 down. I’m gonna partake in some monthly game club action for a bit, but I don’t wanna lose my head of steam, so I’ll go ahead and pick my next Backlog Buster game right now. Drumroll please!:

Soul Blazer is an Action RPG for the Super NES. Developed by acclaimed studio Quintet as a spiritual successor to their acclaimed action/city-building game ActRaiser (one of my all time favorite games), this is the first game in what came to be known as “The Heaven and Earth Trilogy”. The other two games, Illusion of Gaia and Terranigma, are considered among the best the SNES has to offer, and I’m a weirdo who has to play games in order, so to speak. So if I ever want to get to those two, I’ve got to play Soul Blazer first. According to HowLongToBeat.com, it should take me about 11 hours.

I actually put in a couple of hours a year or two ago… I got to the third or fourth area and fell off. But I’m ready to start fresh! (After some Secret of Evermore and/or Metroid Fusion action… both of those games are also on my extended backlog, so it’s not like I’m slacking off!)

See you next time!

Hey all, you know the drill by now… here’s part seven of the ten-week Stack-off!

As usual, go visit Lunar's Tuhat, Replay's Tuhat, and to see their (better) lists. All opinions here are my own and don’t invalidate yours.

Let’s get to it!

#40 - Octopath Traveler, various (played on Switch)

There are many gamers who think that Square-Enix has lost their way. The long-revered developer and publisher of the Final Fantasy franchise has spent decades building itself up as the place to get JRPGs. But the new action-RPG direction of the Final Fantasy franchise has left many fans of traditional old-school turn-based RPGs feeling rather abandoned. But fear not, Team Asano is here to help!

Under the direction of Tomoya Asano, this team within Square-Enix has been pumping out classic-style RPGs for well over a decade now. Starting with the spin-off Final Fantasy: The Four Heroes of Light in 2009 for the Nintendo DS, and continuing with Bravely Default and its sequels, they eventually graduated to probably the best new franchise in turn-based RPGs, the Octopath Traveler series.

The series’s main claim to fame has been the innovation and refinement of what has become known as “HD-2D” graphics, highly detailed sprites over a 2.5D world. You probably recognize it from the 2,000 or so games that have been borrowing it over the last 8-ish years.

As stunning as the graphics are, it’s the gameplay that really makes Octopath Traveler stand out for me. It’s what might uncharitably be called a hodgepodge of turn-based RPG innovations over the last 30 years, with a job system, stock-burst battle scheme, enemy stamina, and so much more. For the first time in a long time, it is necessary to actually pay attention in battle, as even trash mobs can give you trouble if you go on autopilot.

The soundtrack is a masterpiece as well… really, it has many things going for it. If only the story were a more coherent narrative connecting all the various pieces together in a more substantial way, this game would score even higher on my list.

Oh, and the voice acting is comically bad.

#39 - Okami, various (played on PS2)

For the second game in a row, the main claim to fame is the visuals.

Ōkami is a Zelda-like 3D adventure game with a number of unique mechanics, such as the wolf-like protagonist and the “Celestial Brush”, which allows the player to solve puzzles by painting objects/effects into the world. It’s a tight, fun adventure that provides a decent challenge and tells an excellent story. But everyone really remembers it for the art style.

Wikipedia calls it “sumi-e” inspired cel shading. I’m sure that’s accurate. I always just describe it as Japanese watercolor. The screen grabs you can find online really do not do it justice. This is one of the most (if not the most) beautiful games I’ve ever seen in my life. Even on the now quite ancient PS2, this game was staggeringly beautiful. It being a great game was just an added bonus.

Unfortunately, the visuals and gameplay did not translate into financial success. Despite overwhelming critical acclaim, the studio responsible, Hideki Kamiya’s Clover Studio, was shuttered by Capcom after disappointing sales. We got a small side-quel for the DS called Okami-den, but nothing more from the series after that. Save for the HD remasters of the original game, which I have purchased several times but not yet played. Fortunately, Kamiya is a much bigger player in the industry these days, which affords him the privilege to open a new studio called Clovers, with the intention of reviving the franchise. I hope we get a new game eventually.

#38 - Sly Cooper and the Thevius Raccoonus, PS2

Another PS2 banger, with a bold noir-inspired cel-shaded style.

Sly Cooper and the Thevius Raccoonus was the opening salvo in a trilogy of games from noted developer Sucker Punch. A tight, clever 3D platformer with undeniable panache, Sly stole his way into our hearts with a veritable bevy of unique sneaky moves and subtle stealth-based gameplay. Orphaned as a child by the dastardly Fiendish Five, and robbed of his birthright, the fabled Thevius Raccoonus, a comprehensive cat-burgling tome, Sly must team up with his buddies Bentley and Murray to bring down the fiends.

To many folks, the PS2 era was the absolute apex of the 3D platformer, and with series like Jak and Daxter, Ratchet and Clank, and especially Sly Cooper, it’s not at all hard to see why. This one’s my personal favorite, but you really can’t go wrong with any of the three Sly games for PS2. (I’m told to avoid the PS3 installment, Thieves in Time.) The setting, the art direction, the tight as hell gameplay, even the fun story and voice acting make this a series you should not miss. It’s weirdly hard to emulate for some reason? I guess using NetherSX2-patch version mitigates this on higher end devices, but for anything lower than a Snapdragon 8 Gen 2 or equivalent, probably gonna have a bad time. Alas.

#37 - Kingdom Hearts, PS2

I’m sure you’ve noticed that I haven’t really limited entries on this list by franchise, but some of you are probably looking at my list going “Where the heck is Kingdom Hearts?” And that’s totally fair. It’s just that I don’t consider every game in the series worthy enough. But here it finally is.

And you’re gonna get your fill of Kingdom Hearts today.

The product of a chance meeting in an elevator in Tokyo, this buckwild crossover between Final Fantasy and Disney has produced some of the most enduring and beloved games in the industry. Famous for it’s unique crossovers and utterly batshit lore, the Kingdom Hearts series is indeed one of my all time favorites.

This first entry, though… It does lack some of the narrative buggery we’ve all become accustomed to when Tetsuya Nomura is involved. But the core themes are there, and there’s a charming simplicity (ha) in the story of this game, before things got really out of control. And the core gameplay is there too. Maybe the platforming is a little frustrating… maybe the camera is more ornery than a bull in a china shop. But I still love going back to this game and beating up cartoony badguys while I try to rescue Sora’s one true love.

#36 - Dragon Quest XI: Echoes of an Elusive Age, various (played on Switch)

I’m not the most experienced Dragon Quest fan out there. I haven’t played every game in the series, not even all of the numbered ones. But of the ones I have played, Dragon Quest XI is the clear winner.

Yeah, sorry guys, you won’t be seeing DQ5 or DQ8 on this list… because I haven’t played them yet. I swear, I’ll get to them eventually!

Anyway… what is there to say about this sprawling adventure? A delightful epic saddled with some pretty prosaic combat. Nothing about the gameplay is particularly inspired, but that’s the Dragon Quest way, isn’t it? And with the general dissatisfaction among old-school fans about the direction of the Final Fantasy franchise, it’s only fair that DQ keeps it firmly rooted in the classic turn-based systems we all know and love(?).

The two best aspects of the game are the story and visuals. I don’t think that’s really up for debate. But I can’t really talk about the story without spoiling anything, except to say, there are three “acts”, more or less, and getting to the end of Act 2 constitutes “the ending” of the game, sort of. Act 3 is considered “post-game”, although there is plenty of juicy plot development in Act 3, to the point where I’m not sure it’s strictly optional. In hindsight, I think I probably like the ending of Act 2 better, from a narrative standpoint, but I wasn’t ready to be done with the game yet.

After Act 3, though, and 135-ish hours, I was ready to be done, haha.

Still, DQXI has Jade, so it wins. Forever.

#35 - Kingdom Hearts III, PS4

The gap in time between Kingdom Hearts II and Kingdom Hearts III is 13 years.

The Organization has 13 (official) members.

Coincidence? I think not!

Actually, it probably is. What isn’t really up for debate though is that we had to wait too fuckin long for KHIII. I was in high school when the first game came out. I was in my 30s when KHIII came out. Some will say that’s too old to be worrying about sad anime boys and their talking duck friends.

I say mind ya’ fuckin business.

There’s a lot to criticize about the conclusion to the Dark Seeker Saga, but I’m not too proud to admit that I don’t care. The wizards at Square-Enix prepared a truly cosmic platter of fanservice and wheeled it up to my door, handed me a fork, and said “dig in.” And I did. The story is as batshit as it ever was, maybe even moreso now, but I ate up every bite and asked for dessert.

It doesn’t hurt that the jump in graphical fidelity from KHII (or even Dream Drop Distance from 6 years before on the 3DS) is absolutely staggering. The soundtrack is better than ever. The Gummi Ship sections and the pirate ship exploration in Port Royal could both be standalone games in their own right, and I would buy them. And in the end, when <spoiler redacted>, I felt a single manly tear fall down my cheek. Many will disagree, but I adored KHIII.

So we really gotta wait another 13 years for Kingdom Hearts IV? Fuck.

#34 - Mother 3, GBA

Speaking of waiting a long time for stuff, it's practically a meme now that Nintendo hasn’t localized Mother 3 for North America and Europe. On one hand, I understand that EarthBound failed to land with the audiences outside of Japan. But, like… that was thirty years ago. EarthBound is now widely regarded as an underserved classic, and you went ahead and localized Mother 1 for no goddamn reason, so why not the one people actually want to play?

It doesn’t actually matter all that much, to be fair. Mother 3 is the recipient of probably the best fan translation ever made, and it is readily available for those who know where to look. (It's Google. Try Google.) And it is a stunning narrative about progress and the loss of self, and about grief and the trauma grief can cause on top of the loss itself. Without going into too much spoiler territory, this game definitely would’ve hit different if I had played it before my mom died. I dunno if it would resonate less or more, though.

So pretty much every minor issue I had with EarthBound has been addressed here. What you’ve got is a turn-based RPG with rhythm-based combat (!!!), adorable graphics, a magnificent story, and a pinch of regressive transphobia. (Oops!) So yeah, it won’t be for everyone. In fact, some people will call it outright offensive in places, and you know what? They’re correct. I’m not gonna play the “attitudes of the time” card, and I won’t start an argument here.

But (and you knew this “but” was coming, haha), I do believe if you can find a way to overlook the Magipsy stuff, you’ll find a pretty powerful examination of loss here, and it’s worth a look.

#33 - Kingdom Hearts II, PS2

Of the three mainline Kingdom Hearts games, I think it’s pretty much a consensus that Kingdom Hearts II is the best of them, and I agree. It massively improves over the first game, while not yet sinking to the depths of narrative incoherence of the third game. In fact, if you were to ignore the little stinger at the end promising more KH, I’d say this is a perfectly acceptable place to stop, as there is a satisfying conclusion to most aspects of the story up to that point, and Nomura’s inescapable Nomura-ness hadn’t quite overwhelmed everything yet.

Honestly, KHII’s biggest flaw might be its predecessor, and I don’t mean KHI. In between the two games came Kingdom Hearts: Chain of Memories, an interlude story on the GBA that many considered to be a throwaway side story. Little did they suspect that like 80% of the plot of KHII would hinge on the revelations there.

Too bad CoM is such a dumpster fire. I actually think the story’s pretty good, but setting a real-ass sequel to your PS2 game on the GBA of all places, radically changing the gameplay to an annoying card-based battle system, making it absolutely critical to understanding the overarching plot of the series, and then not calling it Kingdom Hearts II was a boneheaded move of epic proportions.

Anyway, the real Kingdom Hearts II is a fantastic action RPG with excellent combat, a killer story, great characters, and reasonable increase in complexity and graphical payload. It’s my favorite out of the three numbered entries, which themselves comprise the series at its best.

Except for…

#32 - Kingdom Hearts: Birth By Sleep, PSP

Fuck it, we ball.

Birth By Sleep is my favorite game in the series, and I’m often at a bit of a loss to explain why. The gameplay isn’t anything special, compared to other games in the series. Some of the minigames are absolutely maddening (looking at you, Disney Town), including the Mario Party-ass Command Board (which is required to complete to obtain the best commands in the game). And to top it all off, you kind of have to play it three times in order to get everything out of it.

Now that’s a little misleading. It’s a NieR: Automata kind of thing, where technically you play through the story a couple times, but always from a different perspective. And it is worth it to complete as much as you can, in order to get the full picture of the events leading up to the entire Dark Seeker Saga.

Besides, the interactions between the three leads, Terra, Aqua, and Ventus, are absolutely heartbreaking. I love these idiots, particularly Ventus. There’s just so much going on here that massively complicates the lore, but I loved tracking down every little bit. And the downer endings really add a sense of dread to the ongoing series. I won’t spoil anything else here, but I really do think this is the best plotline of all the games, and not just because its #DARK, haha.

Plus I do think this is probably the best combat we’d gotten up to that point, and the devs must’ve agreed, since it serves as a base for the combat in the series conclusion (so far!). And each plotline is bite sized, owing to the limitations of the original platform, the PSP. I still say putting such narratively crucial games on handheld platforms is unhinged, but hey, we get what we get from Nomura, and we don’t complain.

Now, seriously… where is Kingdom Hearts IV?

#31 - Rise of the Tomb Raider, PS4

I won’t belabor the point here… I’ve already talked about my affection for this trilogy of Uncharted-inspired adventures. Rise of the Tomb Raider is the best of the three, both in story and gameplay. The graphics of Shadow might be a little better, but it also runs worse on PS4, haha.

I don’t wanna glaze Sony/Naughty Dog too much for basically inventing this kind of prestige narrative adventure game with the Uncharted games, but they really are one of my favorite styles of gaming, and Lara Croft is a natural fit, considering the roots of the Tomb Raider series. I do lament the fact that it seems like this trilogy is done and dusted… I would’ve loved to see this incarnation of Lara get up to even more adventures, but all good things must come to an end, etc. And maybe this Legacy of Atlantis business will turn out great in its own right. I guess we’ll see.

Welp, that’s another long-winded entry in my ongoing list. Only three more weeks to go, and many more arguments to be had. Go check out Lunar’s, Emory’s, and Replay’s lists and see which of us is the least crazy.

I know it isn’t me, haha.

For a couple months now, I’ve been participating in a “Stack-off” with several of my gaming buddies, where we’ve been counting down our Top 100 Video Games of All Time every Friday afternoon/evening. It’s been very gratifying to read each other’s lists, they’re all surprisingly very different. That seems right… like, they should be different. It’s just a testament to how widely varied the medium of video games is, and how there are many different ways to appreciate it.

For two weeks in a row, however, circumstances beyond our control have prevented a unified posting schedule, and we’re a team, so unity is key. However, I didn’t want to leave my readers without an inane “top whatever whatevers” list this week, so I’m gonna intersect my two greatest interests: video games and music. This week, I’m counting down my top 20 songs from the Final Fantasy franchise.

As you probably already know, the music of Final Fantasy is almost as beloved as the games themselves, and a lot of that is due to the former maestro of Square, Nobuo Uematsu. This self-taught genius shepherded the music of the series from the jump, composing soundtracks for the first ten numbered titles and consulting on countless others, even since his “retirement” in 2004. Uematsu is rightly considered one of the best composers in all of gaming, but even he couldn’t pull off a sweep in my top 20. It is a testament to how important music is to the series.

Some ground rules:

1. All opinions are my own, and they do not invalidate yours. We will probably disagree. That’s good.

2. I used PubMeeple again, starting with about 50 tracks and narrowing it down from there.

3. I’m not intentionally going out of my way to avoid story spoilers, but we’re mostly just talking about songs here. I guess consider yourself warned, there might be some spoilery stuff.

4. You will notice there are no battle themes on this list. I think I will save those for another day. That’s why you will not find absolute masterpieces like “Dancing Mad” or “Battle on the Big Bridge” here. Otherwise they absolutely would be here.

Without any further ado, let’s get started!

#20 - "Breezy", from Final Fantasy VIII, Nobuo Uematsu

A gentle acoustic guitar melody that never fails to put me in a good mood. I remember the first time I played FFVIII, I spent a lot of time in Balamb-by-the-sea, playing Triple Triad and basking in the atmosphere. One of the best things about FFVIII is its absolute ability to transport me to places I’ve never been. Say what you will about the broken gameplay, or the batshit story, the vibes are immaculate. You will be seeing more tracks from this game later. It is probably my overall favorite soundtrack in all of gaming.

(I thought I had recorded me playing this song for my short-lived YouTube channel, but apparently not. Here’s a consolation prize.)

#19 - "Not Alone", from Final Fantasy IX, Uematsu

One of the most beloved songs from Final Fantasy IX, this track plays over what I’d consider the emotional climax of the game. There’s a lot of deep examination of themes like identity in the game, more than you might expect from its somewhat candy coated art style. But I’d say if you weren’t expecting that from a Final Fantasy game, then you’re probably doing it wrong.

It also occurs to me only now that technically, this is a battle theme, although it’s a story battle in furtherance of the plot and you can’t lose. So I lied. Sue me.

#18 - "Interrupted By Fireworks", from Final Fantasy VII, Uematsu

It’s kind of sad that this song only plays once in the runtime of Final Fantasy VII… it’s such a beautiful scene, with a beautiful track to match.

Of course, depending on how you play the first ten or so hours of the game, your partner in the gondola might be one of four different characters, which could of course render the scene a bit less… decorous.

Anyway, I always get Aerith when I play the original, although for my money, the scene in Rebirth is dramatically better when Tifa “wins” the date. Maybe I should play for that outcome next time I play Final Fantasy VII.

#17 - "Ending Theme", from Final Fantasy VIII, Uematsu (arr. by Uematsu and Hamaguchi)

Alright, I’ll censor the scene this time. But don’t get used to it.

There’s a lot going on in this track, but most of it won’t make sense without context. The creepy first movement, the hopeful swell into an orchestral performance of “Eyes On Me”, my very favorite arrangement of the “Final Fantasy Theme”, and a militant arrangement of “Liberi Fatali” make this one of my favorite staff rolls of all time. Uematsu really cooked with this one.

Special shoutout to Uematsu’s collaborator Shiro Hamaguchi, who helped arrange the full orchestra tracks for this song and others on the soundtrack.

#16 - "The Castle", from Final Fantasy VIII, Uematsu

Uematsu is a certified genius, but he’s not above a little stealing. It’s fair to say he has very eclectic influences, but sometimes you just gotta go directly to the masters, for “inspiration” let’s charitably say.

What am I on about? Well, for the gothic castle of Final Fantasy VIII’s ultimate adversary, Uematsu pretty shamelessly emulated none other than Johann Sebastian Bach, cribbing both vibes and themes from the famous ""Toccata and Fugue in D-Minor". If you listen to them side by side, it’s pretty undeniable.

All that said, if you’re gonna steal, steal from the best. And the dueling harpsichord and organ in this tune absolutely get some. By far, my favorite final dungeon theme.

#15 - "You Can Hear the Cry of the Planet", from Final Fantasy VII, Uematsu

This foreboding theme of the City of the Ancients in Final Fantasy VII is absolute world-building perfection. It feels ancient and organic and yet somehow alien. The driving arpeggio rhythm underneath pulses with lost knowledge and mystery. It sells the sensation of an abandoned place and fills you with apprehension at what’s about to happen.

If you know, you know.

#14 - "Besaid Island", from Final Fantasy X, Masashi Hamauzu

Oh, man, I had a hard time picking a screencap to use for this entry. Everything about the tropical Besaid Island is so lush and beautiful. When Tidus arrives there very early in Final Fantasy X, it sets a tone for the entire experience that just never lets up. The music is indelibly seared into my memory as one of the first places you visit, and nothing nostalgias me harder.

After the brutal demands of Final Fantasy IX’s soundtrack, Uematsu elected to collaborate with Masashi Hamauzu and Junya Nakano for the soundtrack to FInal Fantasy X. It would be easy to say, dismissively, that Uematsu’s contributions are the best, but that’s not the whole story. Both Hamauzu’s and Nakano’s work are on this list, and they all synergize to give FFX a unique identity beyond just being the first PS2 entry. The fact that Hamauzu went on to be a principal composer for later entries, including the highly regarded Final Fantasy XIII, just goes to show that he’s no slouch.

#13 - "Flowers Blooming in the Church", from Final Fantasy VII, Uematsu

Probably the first respite from tension and anxiety in Final Fantasy VII occurs when Cloud falls through the roof of the Sector 5 Church in the Midgar slums. Here (and later, Aerith’s home) are the only place in the city where flowers grow, and the gentle arrangement of Aerith’s theme is my favorite version. There’s a wistfulness, a sadness underneath it, but it still embodies the calming presence of the flower girl.

Such a beautiful, soothing place amid the ramshackle and rowdy slums of Midgar is a wonderful juxtaposition that never fails to please me. And when the party leaves Midgar at the end of Act 1, it is one of the themes I miss the most for the rest of the game.

#12 - "Eternity ~ Memory of Lightwaves", from Final Fantasy X-2, Noriko Matsueda and Takahito Eguchi

Final Fantasy X-2 is a divisive game, no doubt about it. I think it’s a fun and ultimately satisfying, if frankly unnecessary sequel to FFX, but I get where a lot of people have problems with it. There’s no doubt that it represents a shocking tonal shift from the first game, even if the story eventually comes around to justify itself. Kinda.

That tonal shift is not helped by this main theme of FFX-2, also called “KUON”. It’s the first thing a player will hear when they boot the game up, and it shares more than a bit of structure and tone with its predecessor, “To Zanarkand”. So when the player presses start, and is immediately dumped into a J-Pop concert, it’s jarring to say the least.

This is still a beautiful song, though. And if it bites a bit of “To Zanarkand”’s style, at least it executes it admirably.

(I am ashamed to admit that “To Zanarkand” does not appear in my top 20. That seems like an oversight. My bad.)

#11 - "Terra", from Final Fantasy IX, Uematsu

I can’t say too much about the location Terra without massive spoilers, so I’ll just link the song and wordlessly gesture at the splendiferous screenshot above. Eh? That doin’ it for you? Eh?

It’s a beautiful place and deserves a beautiful song, and it gets it with this lovely harp melody, recalling Final Fantasy IX’s main theme, “A Place to Call Home”. Which is, in hindsight, a painfully obvious reference to the game’s story. For the second time today: If you know, you know.

#10 - "Silence and Motion", from Final Fantasy VIII, Uematsu

Esthar in Final Fantasy VIII is a secretive hyper-advanced sci-fi utopia. And as such it needs a secretive hyper-advanced sci-fi ass theme. And Uematsu delivered.

There’s just… so much fun stuff going on here, from the Tomorrowland vibes to the frantic percussive marimba in the second movement. I love this track, even if the location itself is somewhat underwhelming from a practical standpoint. Most of the massive megalopolis is rendered in small scale on the world map, rather than being fully explorable prerendered magnificence, but I’m sure they just ran out of time or resources. It’s really pretty, though, when you do get prerendered environments. Although I’m just now realizing how many of these places are blue. What’s up with that, Square?

#9 - "Servants of the Mountain", from Final Fantasy X, Hamauzu

The home of the indomitable Ronso Tribe, Mt Gagazet is the last stop before arriving at the hallowed (and hollowed) city of Zanarkand. It’s a fierce place for a fierce people, and it has a fierce theme as well. The brutal strings over a syncopated percussive beat evoke a wintry feel, as if you’re trudging up a mountain in a snowstorm. Which is good, because you are.

I haven’t really talked about it yet, but one of my favorite ways to experience these songs is via fingerstyle guitar covers from incredibly talented folks on YouTube. One such arrangement is for “Servants of the Mountain”, which I probably would’ve said you couldn’t pull off. But guitarist Tom Winter proved me wrong... He erroneously calls it “Mt Gagazet” though, so I still win because pedantry.

#8 - "Fisherman's Horizon", from Final Fantasy VIII, Uematsu

Fisherman’s Horizon is a bit of a dingy place on its surface. The strange, stateless city on the massive interior ocean of FFVIII’s world map began as a collection of various bits of flotsam that gathered at the center of the massive bride between Galbadia and Esthar, wreckage from the devastating war between those two countries. What arose from that junk pile was a haven of sorts for stateless and homeless wanderers, eventually becoming maybe the most genuinely welcoming place in the whole game. The theme from Fisherman’s Horizon supports that claim.

It’s a deceptively complex piece of music, but it serves to present a welcoming place, soothing, friendly. Maybe a little sad, but still hopeful. And if you can look past the dingy surface to the people who make their homes there, you can sense their peace as well. As a place where people don’t necessarily intend to get to, but just sort of end up there, Fisherman’s Horizon is a unique place, one of my favorite locations in the series, and the music is a big part of why.

#7 - "Recalling Memories in the Heart", from Final Fantasy VII, Uematsu

This is the first real taste of the main theme to Final Fantasy VII, a wistful arrangement featuring a harp-like soundscape that plays when the party leaves Midgar for the first time. I can’t help but be transported to my youth, playing this game at my dad’s house on a Saturday, probably very very late at night. It always fills me with a feeling of memory and nostalgia, which I guess is appropriate for a song called “Recalling Memories in the Heart”.

Or is it? I feel like the translation for the title of this song is a bit disputed, as I’ve seen it have many different, if related titles over the years. I don’t read or speak Japanese, so I guess I can’t really say. This is one of the problems with the earlier games in the series… The soundtracks weren’t really released here in the U.S., at least not until much later. So the song titles were not officially localized for a long time, if at all. Oh well, doesn’t really matter, I suppose. It’s still a very pretty song.

#6 - "Anxious Heart", from Final Fantasy VII, Uematsu

If Final Fantasy VII protagonist Cloud Strife could be said to have his own theme, it would be “Anxious Heart”. When the song first plays during Cloud’s escape from the Sector 8 reactor at the very start of the game, it promises a coming adversity that fills you with a sense of anxiety. You don’t know anything about what you’re about to experience, but you know it will end in tears. Later on, it serves as the theme for Cloud’s hometown of Nibelheim, a sad caricature of the place it once was following a calamity and a coverup. The almost quizzical second movement invites you to try and solve the mystery, but doing so promises great sorrow.

It’s a complicated song for a complicated character in a complicated story. And it’s one of the earliest indications that Uematsu intended to both take full advantage of the increased scope of the PS1 era, as well as furthering his unique skill of using music to tell a story. Absolutely astounding.

#5 - "Luca", from Final Fantasy X, Junya Nakano

Luca is the bustling center of the world of Spira. The largest city still in existence (save for perhaps the holy city of Bevelle), Luca is home to the world Blitzball tournament, as well as the only surviving Blitzball stadium. This affords it a large amount of cachet in the culture of Spirans, and that is reflected in the soundtrack.

The song “Luca” is a bustling pop jazz tune, as befits a bustling city. The third composer for Final Fantasy X, Junya Nakano, tends to be responsible for the more contemporary tracks on the soundtrack, and it doesn’t get much more contemporary than this. With a fluttering guitar riff over subtle ride cymbals and a driving bass line, “Luca” is a song I never feel like I have to skip when it comes up in my iTunes shuffle, simply because it is as modern as it is catchy.

#4 - "Troian Beauty", from Final Fantasy IV, Uematsu

Finally, something from the pre-PS1 era! I promise you, there are plenty of NES and SNES tracks on my top 50 list, it just happens that I have more nostalgia and affection for the PS1 era and later, since those were the ones I played first. Please don’t hate me!

But I have to give it up to this track, a lovely fluid piece for the location of Troia in Final Fantasy IV. It makes sense that there would be a flowing water quality to the descending harp cadence that runs through the song, since Troia is situated upon a river beneath a waterfall. It is in fact the home of the Earth Crystal. This makes perfect sense, I swear.

I linked the original SNES version above, but to get the full effect of the tune, I recommend checking out the PIXEL Remaster version, if you can. In fact, I know you can, because I’ll save you the trouble. The PIXEL Remaster soundtracks are exquisite, by the way, modernized, rearranged, and expanded by none other than Uematsu himself.

#3 - "Calm Before the Storm", from Final Fantasy X, Uematsu

Just outside the tropical fishing village of Kilika lies the Kilika Woods, a lush, verdant forest full of interesting plant life that will try to kill you.

I don’t know if the “storm” in the title refers to the grander pilgrimage you are setting out on, or just the hellish Ochu boss fight you’re about to endure, but the song itself radiates the “calm” for sure. Arpeggiated 12-string guitar with a truly excellent bass line give this wonderful track a real sense of place. I’ll often hum it under my breath when I’m feeling stressed out, and it can help me get more centered and focus on the problems at hand.

Here's a ten-hour version if you’re feeling especially stressed.

#2 - "Balamb Garden", from Final Fantasy VIII, Uematsu

Balamb Garden is the home of SeeD (get it?), a school for teenaged students that teaches them how to be good little mercenaries. It definitely has a bit of a “military academy” feel to it, but you can’t blame the music, which to me, just sounds like “home”.

I remember the first time I heard “Balamb Garden”, when I was a lad. I thought it was a weird song, with bizarre melody over a driving piano cadence. I had no idea how important those things would be to me as I got older.

Perhaps it makes more sense when you hear the modulated version much later in the game, “Ami”. It’s a pretty emotional piece there, but to be fair, by that point, you already have an emotional investment in the melody, so it hits that much harder.

I don’t think I can say anymore without spoiling too much, so let’s just move on to #1…

#1 - "Dear Friends", from Final Fantasy V, Uematsu

Final Fantasy V was the last numbered Final Fantasy game prior to 2015 that I ever finished. I finally beat it on GBA in the year of our lord 2020. I don’t think I need to elaborate on what kind of emotional state I was in. You were there, you remember.

Right after I beat the game, a very dear friend indeed passed away, and I was broken. It was December, right before Christmas, and I was at one of my very lowest points. I was listening to music while taking a shower the day after my friend died, and “Dear Friends” came on, and I wept. I didn’t just cry, I bawled.

The song is so beautiful and sad. It plays during the ending cutscene, and it is clearly a “goodbye”, not just to the game, but also the friends you made along the way. And I mean that earnestly, no sarcasm. So I said goodbye to my friend, there in the shower water running down my face washing my tears away. And with that, an enduring memory was born and a true emotional attachment established.

I think if you asked me out of the blue on any given day, “What is your favorite Final Fantasy song?”, I would easily reply “Dear Friends”. It’s not the flashiest, most popular, or most recognizable song, but it is the song that means the most to me, at long last.

I mentioned it in a comment to a classical guitarist I follow on YouTube, and he saw it and decided to cover it. He made a stunning arrangement that brought tears to my eyes, and shouted me out in the description. That is also a very precious memory to me… he didn’t have to do that. But I appreciated it all the same. Thank you, Jimmy Tokyo! Here, please go listen to it and show Jimmy some love. He deserves it.

Well, this took way longer than I expected, but I’m not mad at the result. I hope you enjoyed the ride. Hit me up on Discord if you want to talk about it!

There are nearly 1200 games on my gaming backlog.

1200.

That’s enough to play a different game every single day for the next three years and three months.

It’s not even comprehensive… like, for a lot of these, I only have the first game in a series on the physical list. And with the advent of emulation, the list is virtually endless.

So why the fuck do I keep spending money on games? I am set for a good goddamn long time. And some of these gaps in my experience are embarrassing, man. Like… I’ve never played Half-Life. How pathetic is that?

It isn’t enough that my gamer credibility is in the toilet based on my shameless cheat abuse. Or my preference for playing NES and SNES games in 8:7 aspect ratio. Or the absolute disrespect I showed Final Fantasy VI on my Top 100 list. Now I’ve got to admit all my hideous neglect of utter masterpieces like Super Metroid?

Shame me. I deserve shame.

Well I’m sick of it. I’m sick of spending all my money on games I’ll never play. I should just move to the mountains and live off the land without electricity or running water… or toilet paper… or Taco Bell…

Yeah, I’m not gonna do that. I’m way too lazy and internet addicted for that. What am I supposed to do, use my imagination? Bleh.

But it is a genuine problem for me… I spend a lot of my hard earned dough on media that I never actually consume, be it stacks of games or Blu-Rays, or the various and sundry emotional support piles of books crowding every spare space in my room. I do believe I am approaching “data hoarder” status. So I’m gonna do something about it.

My friends online are probably aware that I’ve been doing a “No-Buy July”, with admittedly mixed success. But I’m excited to report that I did not spend $250-ish dollarydoos on a Retroid Pocket Nova. (Yet.) I haven’t spent a bunch of money on books or movies or video games, just a couple bucks here or there. (Anything less than $5 on Steam is basically free, right?) But I’m really buckling down now, because I am making a pledge and taking a stand against my endless backlog.

I have compiled a list of 25 of my most egregious and/or anticipated games on said backlog, and I am not buying any more games until I have crossed these names off:

(in alphabetical order)

1. 1000xRESIST (Switch)

2. Chrono Cross (PS1)

3. Cyberpunk 2077 (PS5)

4. Dave the Diver (PC)

5. Disco Elysium (PC)

6. Dragon Quest V: Hand of the Heavenly Bride (NDS)

7. Fallout: New Vegas (PC)

8. Final Fantasy Tactics (PS1)

9. Final Fantasy XV (PS4)

10. Golden Sun & The Lost Age (GBA)

11. Half-Life (PC)

12. Koudelka (PS1)

13. The Legend of Dragoon (PS1)

14. Mario & Luigi: Superstar Saga (GBA)

15. The Outer Wilds (PS4)

16. Sea of Stars (PC)

17. Secret of Mana (SNES)

18. Shin Megami Tensei II (SNES)

19. Skies of Arcadia: Legends (GC)

20. Soul Blazer (SNES)

21. Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic (Switch)

22. Stray (PS4)

23. Super Metroid (SNES)

24. Valkyrie Profile (PS1)

25. Xenogears (PS1)

You will notice there’s a lot of really long games on that list. I decided not to filter for play time, even though I’m going for a bit of urgency here. What I really want is just to get out of my own way and enjoy some of these classics for whatever they have to show me. I’m also hoping by some lucky circumstance that some of these games will get picked for one of the several game-of-the-month clubs I’m in. I’m not counting on it, but a man can dream, right?

A couple ground rules/guidelines:

1. I’m using the good old Wheel of Names to randomize a pick off of the list.

2. There is no time limit other than my own impatience.

3. If a game strikes out, it is struck from the list. No mercy. I may compile a secondary list of “games to try again, someday, maybe” but the purpose of this exercise is to get my backlog under control, and if I’m not enjoying a game, I’m not gonna waste any more time on it than strictly necessary.

4. If, say, in two days on August 1st, my pick is selected for Lunar League or Dusty Game Society, I will make a new pick for my backlog bustin’.

5. NO BUYING GAMES, MOVIES, OR BOOKS. No exceptions. Backlog bustin’ or bust.

I kinda hope I get a retro game, tbh… My good friend Brend and I made a trade and I just received an Ayaneo Pocket Air Mini and I think I’m already in love with it. It’s over a year too late to be relevant, but I’d love to get enough screen time to do a review in the next week or so, so stay tuned on that.

Welp, it’s time to make a pick. And yes, I am literally doing this “live” as I type this

Drumroll please…

1000xRESIST is a post-apocalyptic adventure with deep story focus. I’m imagining it in the same vein as NieR: Automata. I have been looking forward to it for a while, as it was a video game analysis darling the year it came out. I picked it up on sale on Switch, so I’ll be playing it there. HowLongToBeat.com says it will take about 13 hours to complete. With my gaming habits (and two game club picks competing for my attention), I suspect it will take me about two weeks to finish, unless I really don’t like it.

Alright, folks, time to get to work. By which I mean play.

It’s kind of hard to know where to start with Shadow Hearts... I played it pretty much at launch in 2001/02. As someone who spent the preceding 4-5 years rearing myself on the golden age of JRPGs on the PS1, the Playstation 2 represented a whole new frontier to explore, and where games like Final Fantasy X showed the natural evolution from earlier titles in that series, Shadow Hearts represented something else altogether.

While there had definitely been horror RPGs before (including Shadow Hearts’s narrative predecessor, Koudelka), the early 20th century Asian and European setting, the innovative gameplay, and the joyously, unashamedly off-kilter blend of bloody cosmic horror and humor made the relatively humble Shadow Hearts stand out to me. I loved it almost immediately, despite the fact that it did not really hold a candle to Final Fantasy X in terms of scope and polish. And it had the misfortune of releasing mere days before the dynastic Final Fantasy series overshadowed it. Nevertheless, it performed well enough to become a series in its own right, albeit one still locked to the PS2.

I think it took a number of attempts for the game to stick with me all the way until the end, back when I was an impulsive teenager. But I couldn’t deny the unbelievable aura the game had, the absolute moxie for a cluster of former Square devs to release this game and go up against Goliath. The fact that it was so wholly original made it stand out in my memory as well, although admittedly, I have not played it since probably 2003 or ‘04.

All of that changed when Lunar selected Shadow Hearts to be the second game for the month of July for the Lunar League. I was so stoked to give it another play after 20+ years, remembering how much I loved it the first time round. Imagine my surprise to find that it is even better now, with some seasoning on it (and me, naturally).

Gameplay

On the surface, it’s your standard turn-based Japanese-style RPG. Up to three of your guys on one side, up to five unknowable terrors on the other, taking turns wailing on each other until one side falls. Every so often, a more robust unspeakable horror will arise, requiring a bit more strategy, a bit more effort to fell. Victory nets you spoils such as cash or valuable commodities, but also experience points (EXP), the accumulation of which leads to your team getting stronger and learning new abilities. There are field areas and dungeons where you will have random encounters with your foes and may need to solve rudimentary puzzles/mazes to progress, and city/village areas where you are safe from harm, for the most part, and can engage in commerce to supply your crew or equip them with better weapons and armor.

Shadow Hearts’s most famous featured novelty must be the Judgement Ring. Rather than just tap ‘attack’ and your guys do it, each action in battle (and some outside of battle) requires you to successfully complete a Judgement Ring challenge, where a wheel appears with a moving bar sweeping around it. You must tap X when the bar crosses the proper highlighted zones in the ring in order for your action to succeed. At the far end of each zone is a minuscule critical zone. If you are able to capture the bar within the critical zone, your action will be a critical success. If you miss, that action will not occur.

Fans of either the preceding The Legend of Dragoon or the much more recent Clair Obscur: Expedition 33 will be well familiar with the kind of timed button presses Shadow Hearts asks of you. It makes every battle that much more engaging, as you can’t really sleepwalk through them spamming confirm... You have to pay attention in order to find success with the Judgement Ring. Different abilities naturally have different requisites for success, perhaps even having multiple zones required. Even the gear you equip can affect the width of the zones or the speed of the sweeping bar. Lastly, certain negative status effects can be inflicted upon you by your enemies to make your attempts even more challenging.

Add in unique special attacks like Yuri’s Harmonixer abilities, or the cumulative effect of “Malice” requiring you to visit the otherworldly Graveyard to quell the evil spirits of the monsters you defeat, and you’ve got a pretty well-rounded and fun experience that definitely distinguishes itself among its peers.

Story

Here’s where things really get interesting. Shadow Hearts eschews the typical fantasy or even sci-fi settings you might have found in earlier games in the genre for an early 20th century cosmic horror world. While it does reach some pretty unhinged heights of fantastical dread, a lot of it is also surprisingly grounded. It ends up feeling more like Resident Evil than Final Fantasy.

Our story begins aboard a train traveling across China in 1913. The invading Japanese Army are escorting a young woman with mysterious powers to Shanghai. However, things go awry when a dapper British gentleman in a top hat and tails attacks the army personnel in order to seize the girl for his own uses. The dapper man demonstrates colossal eerie powers, and almost gets away with the girl before a young punk intervenes... A young punk with mysterious powers of his own.

The young man rescues the girl from the evil sorcerer and they escape. Thus embarks the terrifying journey that will see them contend with truly cosmic horrors in order to preserve the world. But is it even a world worth saving?

I have so much to say here, it’s going to be hard to marshall all my thoughts, haha. I guess we should begin with the world Shadow Hearts takes place in.

If you know your history, this was a time of great discord in the world. Japan’s national army had invaded mainland China. European powers were puffing up their chests at each other, and there was plenty of civil unrest among the oppressed populace in many different countries. Sitting right in the middle of all this is parked a Lovecraftian horror story featuring elder gods and disturbed spirits. Add in a dash of arcane Catholic lore and Asian mysticism, and you’ve got something really interesting cooking.

Then there’s the characters... protagonist Yuri is such an unbelievable jackass in the beginning, bitter, foulmouthed and lewd. His relationship with the virginal Alice borders on harassment for the first chapter or so, until she starts to break the corrosive shell he has constructed around himself to hide the indelible scars of his trauma... trauma that is inherently linked to his mysterious power to transform himself into various monsters in order to harness their power. The whole cast is fun and unique, with the usual RPG tropes being slightly tweaked for the more modern setting. Instead of a thief, you’ve got the glamorous mercenary spy, Margarete. Li Zhuzhen, the Shaolin monk, takes the role of black mage. There’s even an honest-to-gods vampire who joins your party.

The script is genuinely laugh out loud funny at times. It’s well established that horror and comedy share a similar structure in our culture, and exploiting the unexpected for chills or laughs is a natural combination. The story borrows from the earlier title Koudelka for some exposition and other subtle links, but you don’t need to have played that game in order to understand this one. Although you will probably get more out of Shadow Hearts if you do.

The last thing I want to comment on: I was not equipped, as a teenager, to appreciate the subtle political commentary in this game. The brutal invasion of China by Japanese forces... it wasn’t in my mental glossary at the time, but I’m impressed and fascinated that the Japanese company that made Shadow Hearts would be so blunt about the atrocities the Japanese army committed, and the brutality they inflicted on the native populace. A good portion of the first third or so of the game deals with how the Chinese people coped with the invading force. Some of them maybe even made deals with devils to protect their kin... Even after the party leaves China, the atmosphere around everything in Europe is crushing. It is no secret that this is a world perched on the precipice of a Great War... The game does a great job of incorporating that into the narrative without being hamfisted about it.

Graphics

It is probably apparent even from the screenshots that Shadow Hearts doesn’t have quite the technical finesse or glorious colorful splendor of Final Fantasy X. Even the FMVs, while impressive for the most part, pale in comparison to the massive production values of Square’s masterpiece. Character motion is stiff and awkward and unnatural. (Maybe this is intentional, actually, considering the subject matter).

All of this is true, and yet... I wonder if Shadow Hearts needs all of that technological prowess. This is a horror game, so it should be dark and nasty, and the characters and enemies should feel a bit uncanny (or a lot), in order to further unnerve the player. To be fair to the game designers, the environments are absolutely spectacular. The setting allows for some areas unlike anything you may have seen before (at least, in 2001), and the artwork is outstanding.

I would be remiss if I didn’t shout out the absolutely deranged enemy design. There’s such a variety, first of all, but also, some of these monsters (and bosses especially) must’ve been ripped right from the subconscious of Lovecraft at his most disturbed.

There’s also a sprinkling of Shin Megami Tensei and Silent Hill here, with psychosexual horrors to haunt your worst nightmares. Hell, in Kuihai Tower, you will be accosted by tall humanoid demons in white coats who literally slap you with their dicks, which seem to be situated above their belly buttons. I really can’t give enough praise for how unhinged every enemy here is. I’m not looking forward to trying to sleep for the next week or so, tbh...

Sound

The sound design is pretty unique as well. Soundtrack ranges from provincial and timely to disturbing and aggressive modern phantasmagoria. There are a number of different competing styles here, but even if something seems unusual, it doesn’t seem out of place. Largely composed by one Yoshitaka Hirota (a former Square sound designer), the soundtrack also features some guest contributions from (among others) the G.O.A.T., Yasunori Mitsuda of Chrono Trigger fame. I particularly want to call out Mitsuda’s “Sea - Highnoon Fish”, a personal favorite of mine.

The sparse voice acting is... well, it’s bad. It’s... it’s pretty bad. Yeah. But in, like, a good way? I dunno how to explain. It’s pretty cheesy, first of all, and extremely overacted. But damned if it doesn’t match proceedings perfectly, in the same manner as Resident Evil’s legendarily bad voice acting (something something “Jill sandwich”), although not quite as shocking as that. There are a handful of narrated interludes which feature hand drawn still shots with a narrator telling the story, and they’re outstanding, although objectively still quite bad. I’d hazard a guess that in 2001, this wasn’t actually considered all that bad at all. I dunno, there’s definitely an appealing quality of camp to the game. I wouldn’t change it, if it were up to me.

Lastly, the various squeals and grunts the enemies make are surprisingly varied, occasionally silly, but also mostly very satisfying in a way I don’t think I can explain. I’ll just leave it at that.

Play Time/ Replayability

My playthrough clocked in around 21 hours. That’s a perfectly reasonable amount of time for an early PS2 RPG, but practically brisk by today’s standards. And if the narrative feels a little rushed as a result, we can forgive it. At least it means it’s very easy to recommend a replay. Especially if you make use of the handy New Game + feature.

To be fair, I didn’t use a walkthrough, and missed a number of optional side quests, including a whole-ass optional dungeon in China. There are plenty of secrets to uncover, too. And a fighting pit like the battle arena in Final Fantasy VII’s Gold Saucer. Hidden lottery members that can offer you big rewards. 20 different fusion souls to obtain for Yuri. Secret bosses and two different endings, a “good” one and a “bad” one. Obviously the good ending requires a bit of extra effort to attain, but the “bad” ending is actually the canon ending leading into the sequel, Shadow Hearts: Covenant. Both are up on YouTube, if you aren’t inclined to play it again right away.

Conclusion

I wish I hadn’t waited 20+ years to play this game again. At least I can honestly say that my estimation is unclouded by nostalgia, as I was surprised how little of the experience I actually remembered from that first time so long ago. But Shadow Hearts really is that good. It’s even better than I thought I remembered.

The combination of the various unique bits (setting, story, soundtrack), coupled with the familiar gameplay (save for the Judgement Ring, which I still have never seen anything else quite like it) all comes together to create something I will be recommending to anyone who’ll listen for years to come. I regret that I haven’t defended it as vehemently as I could have over the years, but the early mixed reception from the public at large (no doubt exacerbated by its proximity to Final Fantasy X) has seen a glorious re-evaluation over the years. It is justified, this game is so good.

I’ve heard that the sequel, Shadow Hearts: Covenant is even better... perhaps even rivaling the king of PS2 RPGs, Final Fantasy X. I played it long ago, but never finished it. Maybe it’s time to dig that one out as well...

Shadow Hearts, PS2 - 9/10

This doodad hobby is a tricky business.

As an enthusiast of retro emulation handhelds, my wallet is perpetually in mortal peril. Every week, it seems like there’s some new hotness coming out, with a new flashy thingamabob that requires my immediate attention and desperate admiration. It doesn’t matter how awesome the thing I already have is… there’s always something just a little bit better. And it will only cost you hundreds of dollars to add it to your collection.

A number of my friends online are retro handheld enthusiasts. And a number of them have expressed a kind of… burnout (?) when it comes to these guys. Maybe it’s because the price seems to keep going up. The ongoing RAMpocalypse has impacted the gaming industry in a catastrophic way. Even storage chips are affected. And everything seems to be going up up up in price accordingly.

Ironically, there seem to be way fewer new doodads debuting on the market this year, and that’s probably also a consequence of said RAMpocalypse. These are basically very specialized mini computers after all, and it could be theorized that handheld companies like Anbernic and Retroid have been holding back somewhat, in the hopes that RAM and storage prices might come down enough to still price their wares reasonably. Or maybe they literally cannot obtain enough of the hardware. I dunno.

Anyway, that means that this year, the launch of a new doodad can be an especially potent temptation. Which brings me to my point. Finally.

The Retroid Pocket Nova, announced earlier this month, officially ships starting July 30th. It is perhaps a new flagship pocket handheld for the company, a more retro-focused design than their Retroid Pocket 6. And for a certain type of doodad enthusiast, it seems, maybe, perfect.

Here’s the vitals: a brand-new 4.5-in OLED screen with a 4:3 aspect ratio (which has not been seen on the market thus far), a Qualcomm QCS8550 CPU with Adreno 740 GPU (basically the same as the Snapdragon 8 Gen 2 found in the Odin 2, just without the camera and mobile phone modules), 8-12gb of DDR4 RAM, Hall-effect analog sticks and triggers, and seven different color options. It’s small, it’s light, it’s powerful enough to play PS2 and GC and PC emulation no problem, and it’s gonna have one of the best screens money can buy. It starts at $229.99, which seems like actually a pretty reasonable price for what you get.

And I’m not buying one.

Oh, I can’t deny that I want one. Oh man do I want one. It looks to be pretty much everything I could ask for in a doodad (save for a nice brushed aluminum shell, lol). But I can’t let myself fall victim to its charms.

You see, I already have a true love: the Anbernic 477M.

I posted my review last month, revealing my (frankly, ill-advised) affection for the shiny brown monster. In it, I laid out all the things wrong with it: it’s heavy, it has a “lowly” LCD, the Dimensity chipset is not great. But I do love it. Heck, I reaffirm my love for it every time I pick it up, even as it weighs me down like Thor’s Hammer on an unworthy wielder. It is still “the one”.

But the Nova could be “the one-er”.

Russ from Retro Game Corps posted an impressions video of the Nova this morning, with a full review to come later, and frankly… it’s clear that he loves it. I think he even said at one point that it makes him want to get rid of all his other doodads, which is absolutely buckwild. Can it really be that good? What am I missing out on if I don’t buy one?

Well, in order to preserve my “no-buy July”, I have come up with some reasons not to get one. Maybe this is just a delaying tactic, maybe I’m just sour grapes-ing hard, but I am trying to be a responsible adult for once. Let’s see how this goes.

1) The Pocket Nova looks kinda cheap.

When I was first researching handhelds, preparing to jump into the doodad hobby, it ultimately came down to a choice between two handhelds for my high-end use case: the AYN Odin 2, and the Retroid Pocket 4 Pro. The Odin 2 was by far the more powerful device, with a bigger screen to boot, but it cost $300 to the Pocket 4 Pro’s more modest $200. If you’ve read my previous articles, you’ll know I eventually went with the Odin 2, having received a little bonus at work.

But one of the main reasons I didn’t wind up with the Retroid was that it just looked kinda… cheap. It didn’t look like a quality product.

The plastics looked cheap and it had a flat back, no ergonomic contours to fill my hands up. I still haven’t ever tried one of these, but I’m pretty sure it wouldn’t have satisfied me. Add to that the lackluster PS2 and GC performance of the Snapdragon 865, and it seemed like the Odin 2 was a better investment.

I get the same feeling of cheapness when I look at the Nova. I’m not saying they cut corners or anything, but it wouldn’t be out of character for Retroid, tbh… the Retroid Pocket Classic seems to be an outlier in terms of build quality as far as Retroid is concerned. Especially after seeing the Nova in Russ’s video, it kind of strikes me as a low-rent doodad. Plus, My 477M has that magnificent aluminum body. It would be hard to come down from that.

And would get mad at me if I didn’t mention that Russ says the buttons are kinda sharp. Lol.

2) The AMOLED “Mortgage” Screen looks great, but…

So the story goes like this: Retroid released a “4:3” OLED panel once before, on the Retroid Pocket Mini. But did they, though?

The Pocket Mini was their first attempt at something like the Nova, and it boasted a “3.7-in” “1280x720” AMOLED display. I’m putting all these stats in quotes, because, well… they’re not true. Retroid retrofitted a 3.95-in 31:27 display into the machine and covered the redundant bits with the bezel, using software to mimic a 4:3 display. And they didn’t tell anyone about this little white lie. It was only discovered when someone noticed the shaders weren’t operating properly, and broke it open to figure out why. This was a big scandal that still has people side-eyeing Retroid to this day.

Retroid’s excuse was that no OLED panel existed in that aspect ratio, which is true. But that’s no excuse for the deception, tbh… I understand people not trusting them after this (and other scandals, frankly… they almost have an Anbernic reputation, depending on who you ask.) The CEO of Retroid is quoted as saying he would need to take out a mortgage on his house in order to develop a true 4:3 OLED, which has led to the meme of the “mortgage” screen.

Well, apparently he did just that, since the 4:3 OLED on the Nova appears to be genuine this time. And it is lovely, and pretty nice size too at 4.5-in.

But, to tell the truth… I’ve never had any problems with the 4.7-in LCD on my 477M. Sure, it maybe doesn’t have the light/dark contrast you’d get from a OLED panel, but it has 120hz refresh rate and is extremely pixel dense (340 pixels per inch). The 477M has enough juice to run heavy duty shaders like CRT-Royale, which makes my SNES games look absolutely drop-dead gorgeous. So why should I spend $230 to get the OLED when I’m already quite satisfied? The Nova’s screen is smaller too. It’s only 0.2-in on the diagonal, but that’s 10% smaller. And my hollow, ancient eyes (with all due respect to John Prine) need all the help they can get.

3) The sound quality on the Nova is a dumpster fire.

I already linked Russ’s video up above, so you can check it out if you want. The great thing about it is that he uses a 477M as his main comparison, the exact machine I would be comparing the Nova to. Which gives me the opportunity to hear them side by side.

The Nova’s speakers are front-firing versus the 477M, which has down-firing speakers. But the sound coming from the Nova is so muffled and muddy! I dunno how they could be this bad, unless the speaker grilles aren’t adequate to let sound travel clearly, or the speakers themselves are crammed into a space too small for them.

Even worse, Russ himself says that his hands often cover the speakers while playing, making them even more muffled. What a farce.

If you couldn’t tell from my previous writing, sound (especially music) is pretty important to me. I flamed the entire concept of the Anbernic RG Rotate simply because it had back-firing speakers (scoff), and lacked a headphone jack.

At least the Nova has a headphone jack, but those speakers are not good. It speaks to my first point, about the Nova seeming cheap. But like, it costs $230. That’s a decent chunk of money for someone with a small doodad budget, like myself.

I could go on, but you can probably tell that I’m basically nitpicking at this point. There’s obviously a lot to recommend the Nova… It’s probably a really good device. That screen is pretty nice, and the CPU and GPU are good chips with a ton of power to do pretty much anything you want. I just…

I can’t justify the money. It’s a lot of money for an incremental upgrade from my beloved 477M. And I already spent $300 on a Snapdragon machine (the Odin 2) and I didn’t love it.

It was capable and powerful and flawless, and I didn’t love it.

Maybe… maybe if I didn’t already have a high-end device like the 477M, maybe I could justify the Retroid Pocket Nova. But I do have one. So I don’t need the Nova.

I don’t need it. I want it, but I don’t need it. So I’m not buying one.

But if one of y’all wanted to send me one, I wouldn’t turn it down…

Part 2 (90-81)

Part 3 (80-71)

Part 4 (70-61)

Part 5 (60-51)

Some might say this is where the real list begins… Top 50. I’m kind of excited, this is the nitty gritty. I can fully recommend almost every game from here on out, no qualifications or dissembling.

In the immortal words of Patton Oswalt, "I'm drunk, here we go!"

(As ever, go see Lunar, , and Replay for much better, more coherent lists.)

#50 - God of War (2018), PS4

More like, Dad of Boy, amirite?

A staggeringly beautiful game full of some real ugliness. But to be fair, it’s a damn sight better than the original games on PS2/PS3. It’s violent, it’s challenging, the camera can be a bit frustrating, and Atreus never shuts the fuck up, but he’s just a kid. In fact, he’s just like every kid I’ve ever known, and it’s worth giving him a little slack. At least he’s curious.

But like so many games on my list, the real star here is the story. A deeply personal tale with some epic stakes. Can the disgraced Greek God of War Kratos overcome his personal guilt for his deeds in order to forge a real relationship with his son? I’m not even a dad (unless you count cats), and I still found Kratos’s struggle to be a good father intensely moving. Every time he raises his hand to pat Atreus on the shoulder, only to lower it in shame… cuts me every time.

Game’s fun, too. There’s a pretty decent spread of combat techniques to play around with, and this definitely has the Sony First Party pedigree as far as graphics are concerned. They may actually be too good… (stay with me). Sometimes it was so realistic that it was hard to parse a path forward, and I would spend twenty minutes trying to solve a puzzle that wasn’t actually a puzzle, haha.

I could just be going senile. Maybe we should move on.

#49 - 007: First Light, various (played on Steam Deck)

The newest game on this list. I hadn’t even finished it when I made this list, but I was far enough along (about 1/3 of the runtime) to know that it belonged here. If I had finished it, it would probably have finished higher, but I’m trying to edit the order as little as possible. So this one has an asterisk.

I think the thing that struck me the most about this game was the absolute authenticity. This is a true love letter to the franchise, and if you’re a big fan like me, you’ll appreciate so many of the little touches IO Interactive put in there for us. A hidden prop from Thunderball here, a musical reference there. And yet, it doesn’t feel like these things are shoehorned in. It feels natural and organic to the story.

Speaking of, the plot is absolute nails. A sprawling adventure through all the kinds of exotic locales you expect from a Bond movie, with a proper respect for spectacle. A decent villain with a surprisingly plausible story (about AI! How… topical.) A number of fantastic voice performances, including a raw, untested young Bond just embarking on his new role as a spy. Cunning gameplay that rewards experimentation, with fun gunplay and complex, challenging brawling. All of this adds up to easily the best Bond game I’ve ever played. Game of the Year, if only because I haven’t really played any other games from this year, haha. We’ll see how I feel after I play The Adventures of Elliot.

#48 - Shadow Hearts, PS2

It’s easy to call the PS1 era “the golden age of JRPGs”, what with Final Fantasies VII-IX, The Legend of Dragoon, Xenogears, and so many others, but I think the PS2 era stands up in its own right. Shit got weird in that era, as the improved performance of the PS2 gave developers the opportunity to take some wild swings.

One such example is the Gothic horror RPG, Shadow Hearts. As a contemporary of Final Fantasy X, maybe it lives in the shadow (PUN!) of that particular giant, but in many ways, I think it stands up against it. The graphics (at least in the FMV cutscenes) don’t really compare, and the voice acting is laughable, but the setting is incredibly unique, the soundtrack featuring GOATed Chrono Trigger composer Yasunori Mitsuda is wild and catchy, and the gameplay, well…

If you’ve played Clair Obscur: Expedition 33 (and let’s be real, who hasn’t), you will see clear inspirations drawn from Shadow Hearts. Combat features the “Judgment Ring”, requiring timed button presses to successfully execute pretty much all commands. It’s not difficult, by any means, but there is a risk/reward element, as you can cause critical strikes by landing in special zones on the ring.

The story is absolutely batshit, in the best possible way. A drifter named Yuri rescues the young daughter of a murdered priest from an evil sorcerer in a top hat. Together, they make their way across Japanese-occupied China, trying to escape the warlock who wants to use the girl for some nefarious purpose. They’ll fight ghosts and werewolves and cat people, collect allies, and blow up major cities in an effort to stop the end of the world.

Gods, it’s so good. I’ve been playing it as a part of Lunar’s League for the first time in almost 20 years, and it’s even better than I remembered. For the second time today, if I had compiled this list more recently than 6 weeks ago, Shadow Hearts would definitely have a more honored spot. You should give it a shot! I hear the sequel, Shadow Hearts: Covenant is even better, but I never finished it.

#47 - Uncharted 3: Drake’s Deception, PS3

The second Uncharted game to appear on this list, Drake’s Deception has the dubious honor of being the game in the series I recall the least. I know it was good, because I finished it in like two days, but I barely remember anything about it.

Why is it all the way up here at 47 then? Well, one thing I do remember about it is a mission about halfway through where Nate must escape a gigantic mansion that is fully on fire. That’s just the kind of spectacle that I love these games for.

This one gets real personal, too, with some scenes that take place in Nate’s youth, informing how he met Sully, how he became an adventurer. Add to this some great performances by Nolan North et al, plus some really good relationship stuff with Elena, and you’ve got a really good time. Not quite up to the standards of other games in the series, but still well worthy of playing.

#46 - Tomb Raider (2013), PS4

Full disclosure: I haven’t played the original Tomb Raider games on PS1. Or, rather, I have… for about twenty minutes… and I hated it.

But the Square-Enix trilogy… Now those I can easily get behind.

I mentioned before about how Lara became “Natasha Drake” in following in Uncharted’s footsteps, but I love the Uncharted games, so why would I complain about getting more of that? To be fair, I feel like there’s enough distinction between these games and Uncharted, but I also understand why people feel this way.

Anyway, enough about that, let’s talk about Tomb Raider (2013). This is a wildly fun time, a real adventure with excellent exploration and crafting. The story’s pretty good too, although a bit repetitive with the number of times it pulls the rug out from under you (sometimes literally!) It looks great, sounds great, plays great… There are better games in the genre, but not by much.

I think one of the things Tomb Raider does better than Uncharted is having a supernatural element. I love fantasy and sci-fi stories, love “Indiana Jones”. I’m good with a ghost story, and Nate’s adventures are all a bit more grounded. In fact, this was my main problem with the movie adaptation of Tomb Raider… they excised all the fun ghosty stuff, which put the film in solidly “It’s fine” territory for me. Although it is always fun watching Walton Goggins chew the scenery. I’m really glad the “Fallout” series on Amazon Prime is letting him get his flowers, finally.

#45 - MARVEL’s Guardians of the Galaxy, various (played on PS5)

Before we begin, I just want to register my dissatisfaction that searching for the above image required me to wade through a bunch of photos of that jackass Chris Pratt.

Anyway… So. MARVEL’s Guardians of the Galaxy. It had the misfortune of launching in the shadow of Square-Enix’s disaster live service garbage, The Avengers. And it’s a real tragedy, because people must have assumed it would be more of the same, but they wouldn’t be more wrong.

GotG is a beautiful game, visually and sonically. The soundtrack is rad as hell, as you might expect, but more focused on ‘80s pop and rock vs the ‘70s soul stylings of the films. It has an absolutely fantastic story, and these are by far my favorite incarnations of these characters, despite their somewhat “Bradley Cooper from Temu” quality. The characterization is great, there’s some real heartfelt drama behind the silly hijinx, and best of all, Peter Quill isn’t an imbecilic man-baby played by the worst thing to happen to modern cinema.

The only place this game falls down is the gameplay, which isn’t bad by any stretch of the imagination… just very very average. It’s a beat-them-up/shooter that never really gets very interesting, even with the introduction of some elemental attacks and team combos for flavor. Honestly, the best part of the combat is when Quill calls a “huddle”, which gives him an opportunity to hype his comrades up. Succeed, and the battle music will be replaced by a song from Quill’s extensive library. Beating up mooks to the sounds of Bobby McFerrin’s “Don’t Worry, Be Happy” was one of my favorite gaming moments of 2022.

#44 - The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess, GC

We made it all the way to #44 before the first Zelda game dropped on my list!

Now, The Legend of Zelda is my favorite game franchise, which is saying something, as it’s up against some pretty stiff competition. So you will be seeing that name a lot in the coming weeks, although not every game in the series made the list. My friend SeriousReyn urged me to do a top ten Zelda list, and I probably will sometime in the next few weeks, although I might wait until the top 100 is done to avoid redundancy. And spoilers. Lol.

So what is there to say about Twilight Princess? Well, I’m surprised to see it all the way down here at 44, to be honest… If asked, I would’ve ranked it much higher. Certainly if you asked me after finishing it for the first time, I would’ve probably said it was my favorite of the series. It definitely has one of the best narratives in the series. I kind of love Midna as a companion, she’s definitely top of the list there. And Princess Zelda taking a bit of a backseat was a bold decision that I think works really well here. Our cup runneth over with princesses, after all, and frankly, Midna’s just more interesting.

The graphics have seen better days, I suppose… especially compared to its contemporaries on the GameCube. (You will never be able to convince me this is a Wii game.) This was right around the time games started getting browner grittier, and when you consider this game was specifically made to be more mature following immense fan backlash against the cartoony style of Wind Waker, it’s no surprise this is the direction they took. And while I have immense affection for TP, time has shown that WW has just aged better in nearly every single way. Which just goes to show that gamers have no idea what they want, and devs should just make the things that makes themselves happy.

#43 - The Legend of Zelda: The Minish Cap, GBA

And here we are right away with another Zelda game! And again, I would’ve placed this one much higher. Maybe I don’t know what the hell I’m doing.

Maybe Pub Meeple knows me better than I know myself.

Anyway, when I first played The Minish Cap on GBA, it was unquestionably my favorite 2D Zelda at the time. It’s just a really beautiful, well made game. The art style (borrowed liberally from Wind Waker’s concept art) is fun and calls to mind a Saturday morning cartoon. The world is exquisitely detailed, and the dungeons and the various regions they exist in are all super unique and inventive. The shrinking mechanic is used in some pretty novel ways, and the story has the unique distinction of being one of the few Zeldas that doesn’t feature Ganon as the main antagonist.

Most people hate the Kinstones subquest. I don’t get that at all. It’s really fun to fuse stones and see the various mysterious effects it can create. For me, the side quest that sucks the most is collecting the figurines. You need to find and spend so many motherfucking seashells to get them all, which of course you have to do if you want every heart piece. It’s a huge pain in the ass.

Although other 2D Zeldas ended up higher on my list this time around, I still think Minish Cap is a stellar game that deserves more recognition. Give it a shot, and I think you’ll agree.

#42 - Hellblade: Senua’s Sacrifice, PS4

From acclaimed indie (at the time) developer Ninja Theory comes this absolutely magnificent masterpiece of a game. Hellblade: Senua’s Sacrifice is incredibly bold and incredibly unique. You play as Senua, a young Celtic woman who survives a brutal attack on her village from Norse warriors. As the only survivor, Senua goes on a quest to rescue the soul of her lover, Dillion, from the depths of Hel. Only one problem: Senua is insane.

Senua’s Sacrifice is really not much more than your typical horror action game, save for one thing: its hauntingly accurate portrayal of psychosis. Senua’s tenuous grasp on reality is shattered by her trauma, and it manifests itself as delusions and hallucinations. You’re never quite sure if anything she sees or hears is “real”, but as Senua is the player character, it doesn’t really matter in a practical sense. She is haunted by a chorus of voices she calls the Furies, who constantly natter at her, taunting her, berating her, screeching at her… but also sometimes, helping her? There are occasional hints hidden in their muttering, if you care to give them your attention. And in combat, while the camera sits uncomfortably close, obscuring your field of view (on purpose!), the Furies will call out warnings to prevent Senua from being attacked from behind.

The sound design is the real MVP here. It is recommended to play wearing headphones, as the binaural sound design plays a huge part not only in building atmosphere, but even has a gameplay element, as the directional sound can clue you into lurking enemies or traps.

The story is really special, and the portrayal of psychosis is done with care and empathy. Ninja Theory enlisted the help of actual sufferers of schizophrenia and psychosis in order to make the game as sensitive and accurate as possible. Senua is not a stark raving loony cartoon character… she’s a badly damaged, broken woman, and helping her deal with her trauma and come to terms with the loss of her loved ones is the game’s greatest achievement.

I wrote a folk song about Senua, if you’re interested… You can see what I looked like with hair!

#41 - BioShock, various (played on PS4)

As I discussed in the sequel’s entry a few weeks ago, BioShock is one of the greatest narratives in the history of gaming… up to a certain point, anyway.

A large portion of that can be attributed to the absolutely original setting. Rapture is one of the most unique and superbly realized places in all of gaming, maybe all of media. The art deco paradise under the waves is so iconic. As are the many characters you will encounter, chief among them visionary industrialist (and sometime fascist) Andrew Ryan. Brought to chilling life by the incomparable Armin Shimerman, Ryan belongs on the Mt Rushmore of gaming despots, even if his attributes skew into almost parody with how cartoonishly evil he is.

Of course, we can’t talk about BioShock without mentioning that twist… but as I somehow managed to go over ten years without spoiling it for myself, I think it only fair to try to preserve it for any of you reading who might not have played this game yet.

As far as gameplay is concerned… it looks like a first person shooter, but the guns are kind of a mess, and usually not the best way to dispatch your foes. Honestly, I got a lot of mileage out of the good old pipe wrench, and I never needed to reload it. The plasmids (magic spells, more or less) are useful, but again, a lot of them are pretty unnecessary to completing the game. I believe the correct term for BioShock and it’s sequels is “immersive sim”. And that sounds like a buzzword, but I think it’s correct. The gameplay here isn’t quite as refined as BioShock 2 and Infinite, but it’s still fun, and the story and setting make it worth it.

Wow, I kinda went a little crazy with my writeups this week… I’ll try to be a little less verbose next week. But no promises.

Hey, if you come here to read my stuff, you know what you’re getting into. I like to hear myself talk… er… type, I guess.

See you next week!

It has been four years or so since I regularly played my guitar. During the pandemic, I kinda got in the habit of recording myself playing songs and sharing them on Facebook and YouTube, but I quit because I got self conscious about my playing. Nobody told me I sucked. But I told myself. And I believed me.

I guess I’ve always sort of been this way... prone to crises of confidence. I’m sure a therapist could help get to the root of these feelings and overcome them, but that sounds like a lot of work, so I’m not gonna do that.

What does this have to do with the topic at hand? Well, I’ve noticed a pattern in myself over the last couple years. Modern emulation of classic systems has many advantages over original hardware. Things like save states and comprehensive cheat catalogs make beating these games easier than ever. And I think I’ve become too reliant on them.

If you’ve read my most recent reviews, you’ll probably notice that I have used cheats on each of the last three Lunar League games, Super Castlevania IV, Little Samson, and Mega Man X. And yeah, okay, it’s well established that games used to be harder. Devs didn’t want you to be able to beat them over a single weekend rental, because then you won’t buy the game. The moniker “Nintendo-hard” became the accepted phrase for this phenomenon.

But like, I used to be able to get good at some of these games... Without cheats. Without save states. Is Super Mario Bros. 3 “Nintendo-hard”? I can beat that without cheats. Ditto Kirby’s Adventure. I can practically play Super Mario World and A Link to the Past in my sleep. Those are all Nintendo games... are they “Nintendo-hard”? What about ActRaiser, which is challenging but doable? Donkey Kong Country, a notoriously difficult platformer? EarthBound or Final Fantasy IV or Chrono Trigger? Are they “Nintendo-hard?” I can beat all of those without help.

Now it’s easy to say that I can beat all of those because I played them as a kid... I had endless free time to “git gud” at those games. Free time I don’t have now. Even if I had endless free time to play Mega Man X, could I get good enough to beat it without help? Would I even try? Or am I just so impatient now that I slap cheats on them so I can get it over with in 2 hours or whatever and move on to something else? And have I lost something in the process? What happened to that little boy who would play Contra III on Game Boy over and over to try to get better? And why am I so determined that my gaming time is wasted if I don’t roll credits? Why am I no longer satisfied with playing a game until I lose all my lives and then doing something else?

So, like... The title for this post is a little inflammatory, innit? What does modern gaming have to do with it?

Well, a lot of energy in the industry these days goes towards making games accessible. Games are more expensive to make now than ever before, and studios want to appeal to as many potential consumers as possible. This means that games in general are much easier now. (Save for you psychos who love Souls-likes. You know who you are...) On top of this, games rarely ship these days without difficulty options. It’s almost guaranteed a AAA title will have a “Story mode” option for n00bs like me who have skill issues. Even more granular accessibility options exist in many games. Control, for example has invincibility and one-hit kills right there in the options menu, unlocked from the very start of the game. (It’s almost like they realize that people who can complete insane challenges to unlock God modes are the same exact people who don’t need it, and wouldn’t use it.) The game will chide you a bit, with a little message that reminds you that the developers spent a lot of time balancing the difficulty for the intended experience, but it won’t block those options off.

Hell, some games even refer to these accessibility options as ‘cheats’, giving rise to the highly amusing trend of calling cheats for retro games ‘accessibility options’.

The dark side of this is the whole cottage industry of games using microtransactions to monetize cheats. I think Grand Theft Auto Online does this. I know there are games like Call of Battlefield XVII: The Next One that will just straight up cancel a grind and unlock all the goodies for you, for a nominal fee. This is gross, right? This makes me feel gross. Especially in online competitive games. That’s why we’ll often refer to something as “pay to win”.

So I think this is probably the right place for a disclaimer: I think accessibility options are a good thing, especially when they serve to make a game more accessible to differently-abled folks. Someone having a physical or mental disability shouldn’t bar them from playing Horizon: Zero Dawn.

But what’s my excuse? I’m not disabled. I’m just old. And lazy.

So I guess I should break down something real quick: The kinds of games I gravitate towards (turn-based RPGs, visual novels, walking simulators) have one thing in common: they are generally more focused on story over gameplay. It really comes down to why I play video games... I want to take part in a good story. For games like these, it behooves the devs to make the game as easy as possible in order to allow the player to experience the whole story. This isn’t the only way to do it, of course; the aforementioned Souls-like games often have very intricate narratives woven into them. I feel like that’s often more environmental storytelling, but I digress.

In a turn-based RPG, if you’re having trouble with a particular boss, you can just go grind levels for a bit until your party is better equipped to compete. In a visual novel, the only gameplay is usually making choices, and those choices often impact what kind of story you get. Don’t like it? Play it again and make a different choice. In a walking simulator, as the name implies, generally the only gameplay is walking and exploring to unfold the plot. So it isn’t any wonder that I prefer these games to other, more difficult genres.

My friend Lunar tells me that accessibility options are fine, and that beating games with them counts. I want to agree, and I think I do, in principle. I certainly wouldn’t judge anyone for playing 007: First Light on easy mode (and not just because that’s what I did). So why do I judge myself so harshly? I dunno, I should probably see a therapist about that.

I don’t know if I accomplished anything here. I may not even publish this article. I guess, more than anything, it’s just an attempted purge of lingering self-doubt so I can get back to beating Mega Man games without guilt. I’ll let you know if it worked.

For anyone who thinks I’m a lowdown dirty rotten cheater... well, you’re literally correct. I’m sorry I don’t live up to your standards and skillz. Maybe I’ll try to do better.

(Probably not.)

Why did I ask so many goddamn questions? Now you know what it’s like to live in my stupid brain…

My tagline up there says it all.

I am bad at video games. Especially retro games.

It didn’t used to bother me as a kiddo... I’d play a game, even a really hard one for twenty or thirty minutes, cash out on extra lives, see the game over screen, and then play something else. I had my whole life ahead of me to git gud, if I wanted to.

Life’s different now... As a grown man, I have this drive to finish everything I play. Even if it’s not that good. Even when it kicks my ass. But I never did git gud. So it’s a lot of frustration, figuratively (sometimes literally) banging my head against the wall to try to overcome my dexterity deficiency. And inevitably, I fail. So I slap some cheats on that bad boy and vent my frustration through God Mode.

I have done this for the last three Lunar Leagues now... because I’m a frail old man with poor eyesight and brittle joints. But I still wanna see these games through, even if they were literally designed to fuck a player up.

Capcom’s Mega Man X is one such game. The entire Mega Man series is notorious for its difficulty, and this game is no different. It’s probably maybe a little easier than the NES games, simply by virtue of more refined controls and performance, but not necessarily. And yeah, I rolled credits. And yeah, I cheated. But it’s just because this is a classic that I never got around to gitting gud at when I was a lad. So I finally wanted to see it through. What I got was a good-looking, great-sounding ass whoopin’ that I will never financially recover from. Is it a good game? Yeah probably. But I have some thoughts.

Gameplay

Like any other Mega Man game, Mega Man X is a tricky side scrolling action platformer with run and gun elements and emergent gameplay. Because you can defeat the 8 robot masters in any order, you may have different weapons at your disposal in each level. X obtains the abilities of his enemies upon defeating them, and they can be turned on the other robot masters with varying results. The expanded control scheme on the SNES controller over the NES controller gives X an expanded move set that help facilitate his traversal of the 12 stages in the game. Of course, the devs also expanded the demands on the player to match.

Hidden in each stage are upgrades you can find to help expand X’s durability and capability. These include permanent health boosts, auxiliary energy tanks, and upgrades to his armor and X-Buster. Some of the acrobatics you have to perform just to get these upgrades can be a little maddening, unless you equip certain robot master skills, which can make it a lot easier. In some cases, it is mandatory.

The gameplay of Mega Man games has always been a highlight, even when you fail (and you will. A lot.) It’s still fun to run and gun, and the upgraded move set feels natural and rewards skill. It’s the kind of game that has a medium to high skill floor, but when it clicks, you can pull off some absolutely sick maneuvers.

Story

Something something bad robots. Go get ‘em, tiger!

The X subseries of the Mega Man games takes place in the far future relative to the original Mega Man chronology. In this far future, X is a “maverick hunter”, a member of a special task force built to hunt down rogue robots, by any means necessary. Dr Wily is nowhere to be found, and Dr. Light only exists as recorded messages to X sealed within various upgrade capsules.

A former maverick hunter named Sigma has gone rogue, and X, along with his friend Zero, are enlisted to hunt him down in order to stop his plan to eradicate human life.

Let’s be honest... there isn’t much to this story. Yet. It’s your typical Mega Man plot, with little to no fluff, although this lore would be greatly expanded in later games. But honestly, little pretext is needed in an action game such as this. There’s a bad dude over there with a unique weapon module and an army of super annoying minions. Kick his ass!

Graphics

Naturally, as the first Mega Man game on the upgraded SNES, the graphics have a great deal more complexity than the 8-bit entries. Capcom uses this freedom to great effect. The sprite work here is magnificent, and every stage has its own unique flavor. It’s colorful and exciting, and the enemy designs are unique and intimidating, especially the robot masters. In the X subseries, the robot masters dispense with the -man suffix, instead opting to model their appearance as animals to reflect their disdain for human kind. They are all great looking, hulking sprites compared to relatively modest X.

Weapon effects are cool too, and the screen gets absolutely filled with stuff to dodge. Unfortunately, this can lead to framerate issues when there’s a little too much going on onscreen, but really, it’s your fault for not killing enemies quicker.

Sound

In grand Capcom fashion, the soundtrack positively slaps. In the 80s and 90s, it was hard to find a more badass oeuvre than in the halls of Capcom’s music department. The Alph Lyla group of five composers used the environmental designs to come up with rocking chiptunes to subtly enhance the surroundings, and it’s classic action game stuff.

If I am completely honest, though, none of the tracks really linger in my memory. Probably because I didn’t spend ten hours of real time trying to survive the goddamn helicopter dickheads in Storm Eagle’s stage... I don’t think this soundtrack is unmemorable. I’m blaming myself for this one.

Play Time/ Replayability

My playthru of Mega Man X took about 95 minutes of play time, over the course of three or four days. That probably does not account for liberal save state abuse, and certainly does not account for practice enough to be able to complete the game. I’ve already admitted, I used cheats. I’m not proud, but I’m not sorry either. Gaming is a leisure activity for me, and I just don’t have the time or energy to git gud anymore. If you think that means I didn’t really beat this game, that’s your prerogative, but I don’t need that energy in my life.

As for replayability, well... I’ve played this lots of times over the years, so it must be pretty good on that front. Although, the Sigma stages (the last four leading up to the final boss) were maddeningly frustrating, even with cheats, given my typical desire to perform at least the platforming challenges legitimately. So I don’t normally use floating cheats or cancel out knockback.

I caved on this one. Those levels are so frustrating. If I ever play this game again in the future, I will take Lunar’s advice and just consider beating the robot masters as beating the game. Sigma’s fortress is too annoying.

Conclusion

I can totally see why Mega Man X is a classic. I never owned it as a kiddo, only occasional rentals from the video store, so I never built muscle memory around it like I did with other games of the era. If I had owned it, maybe I wouldn’t need cheats now, as I probably would’ve played it for hours and hours getting good enough at it to beat it. That’s the nice thing about being a kid, the demands on your time are much lower.

As a growed-up, I think this is a good-looking, good-sounding game that I will feel no need to come back to for quite a long time, if at all. A perfectly cromulent adventure that will not get any major awards from me. I’m glad I finally played it to completion, though. It’s good to get that monkey off your back.

6.5/10

Part two (90-81)

Part three (80-71)

Part four (70-61)

It doesn’t matter what I say here; you know the drill. My opinions, piping lukewarm, doesn’t invalidate your opinion, etc. Go check out Lunar's Log and and Replay, they are cooler than me.

#60 - BioShock 2, various (played on PS4)

As the first BioShock game on this list, I bet y’all are wondering where BioShock and BioShock: Infinite will land. Well, BioShock will come up a little bit later, and BioShock: Infinite…

will not be on this list.

“But Glen CoCo!” you protest. “BioShock 2 sucks and BioShock: Infinite is a masterpiece!”

I’m not going to talk about my problems with Infinite here, because this entry is about BioShock 2, which I think has seen a bit of a re-evaluation of late. Many people were underwhelmed by it when it first released, because comparing it to the first game finds it wanting. But like… the first game is a masterpiece.

BioShock has one of the best narratives in all of gaming, for starters, and the defining example of the genre that came to be known as “immersive sims”. And maybe the story of BioShock 2 doesn’t quite stand up to the first game. It’s basically just “what if the first game, but socialism instead of objectivism? Both sides are bad, ackshually…” And yeah, sure, there’s some of that. But there’s also some subversions of the first game that are pretty exquisite.

On top of that, BioShock 2 just feels better to play. The mechanics are streamlined and the game balance is improved. I like the weightiness of being a Big Daddy… the heaviness, emotionally yeah but especially physically.

And then there’s the DLC, Minerva’s Den, which is probably the best BioShock ever got to be. I say probably there because Minerva’s Den is hopelessly borked on PS4. Prone to crashes and sequence breaks, and I lost an hour or more of progress two or three times before I gave up and moved on. I would still like to finish it someday, but it’s a low priority for me.

#59 - Bastion, various (played on Switch)

Bastion was one of the first true smash hit indies I can recall. Developed by Supergiant Games (later of Hades fame), it’s an isometric adventure beat-them-up with a moving (if understated) story and absolutely magnificent production values.

We can talk about the graphics if you want… they’re a colorful and vibrant alternative to the usual post-apocalypse setting. The characters and enemies are rendered in a unique anime style that pops right off the screen, and the way the world unfolds itself to you, as shattered pieces of the ground rising from the depths to meet you, is unlike anything I can remember playing before or since.

Or we could talk about the devastatingly good soundtrack by Darren Korb. Featuring a heavy smattering of bluesy acoustic guitar in a Sergio Leone Western style, over hypnotic trap beats and lo-fi, it’s a genuine marvel. So beloved was the score that fans demanded and received a full soundtrack album released by Supergiant.

But Bastion’s true claim to fame has to be its astonishing voice acting by Lloyd Cunningham as the grizzled Rucks, providing narration to “the Kid’s” adventure as he seeks to restore “the Bastion” following a devastating war. Rucks is so human and perceptive. He feels like a real person, not someone’s imagined fantasy. And the best part is, it’s adaptive. Whatever you make the Kid do, Rucks will narrate it in real time. I don’t really know how Supergiant was able to pull that little trick off, but it constantly surprised me.

What isn’t a mystery to me is that Supergiant has gone on to become one of the best regarded and well loved indie devs in the industry. Considering this magnificent game was their debut… and that they only improved over time… I think the blockbuster success of Hades was only a matter of time.

#58 - Silent Hill 2, PS2

I’ve never been a big horror movie guy… they tend to be too focused on blood and gore, and cheap tricks like jump scares. But a horror game? Somehow I can get behind that. Maybe it’s because horror games are better than horror movies at communicating big ideas… at least, that’s how it was when Silent Hill 2 first came out.

I’m not sure what possessed me to pick this game up as a lad. I hadn’t played the first one. I wasn’t a fan of survival horror franchises like Resident Evil. But something did make me pick it up, and what transpired was one of the more transformative game experiences I’ve ever had. Certainly it was (and remains) one of the scariest.

The story has hidden depth behind the generally fucked up body-horror vibe. I’ve since learned this is true of most of the Silent Hill franchise, although I can’t honestly say I would know from experience, as despite somehow being one of my favorite games of all time, I’ve never played another game in the series.

Maybe it’s the narrative… James Sunderland’s grief stricken story of arriving in the desolate and haunted town of Silent Hill following an intense personal tragedy spoke to me even as a teenager. Perhaps more compelling was the notion that the real monsters of Silent Hill were the ones we made ourselves… I dunno, I don’t think I can explain it very well, certainly not without massive spoilers, so I’ll leave it for you to find out. Just know that this game hits different if you’re a husband. Even in hindsight.

Especially in hindsight.

#57 - LEGO Marvel Superheroes, PS4

This will be the only LEGO game on this list, but that’s fair because they’re pretty much interchangeable. Let this one represent whatever LEGO game you have the most affection for.

I’ve often called them “dumb fun”, but I mean it affectionately. The best part about these games based on the mega-popular building toys is that anyone can jump in and have a great time.

In fact, that’s why this one makes the list… It is one of the few times in our lives that my wife and I played an entire game cooperatively. And it wasn’t just “let’s play a level or two”… there’s a whole ass open world based on the island of Manhattan that has little minigames and mini missions to unlock the 100+ characters and variants available to find. They all have different abilities, too, that let them complete different objectives. 100%-ing it was an absolute blast, and we played it nightly for weeks, haha.

We tried to rekindle the magic when LEGO Marvel’s The Avengers came out, but it was more of a rehash of the movies than an original adventure, and we didn’t get very far. I also picked up LEGO Marvel Superheroes 2 for Switch for like $3, but didn’t get far in that one either. For one magical summer, LEGO ruled our free time. I’ll never forget it, even if I’ve had trouble recapturing the magic since then.

#56 - NieR: Automata, PS4

NieR: Automata is the best game I never want to play again.

Admittedly, I probably picked this up for more gooner reasons than anything else, but man did I pay for my sins. This game is bleak. Set in the far future, on an Earth devastated by a centuries long proxy war between the machine armies of an invading alien force and the android protectors of humanity, the world is a crumbling, rusted ruin… the kind of place you would ask “Is this even worth saving?”

You play as 2B, that sexy sword robot in the image up there, and fight your way through hordes of crazy robots that beg you to kill them and end their relentless programming. The androids are not supposed to have emotions, but they do, and the endless war and suffering exacts a heavy toll. It is one of the most nihilistic games I’ve ever played.

Anyone who manages to get all the way through it will find a hidden thread of hope buried deep in the scarred narrative, but I was so stricken by how sad everything was that I didn’t even see it myself. I had to have it spelled out for me by a Reddit thread and a YouTube video (Massive spoilers). And while I have come around to that conclusion, I still had to be led by the nose to it.

At least mechanically, the game is pretty fun, a clever combination of hack’n’slash and RPG, with a smattering of shooter sections and visual novel tidbits. It doesn’t do any of these things exceptionally, but it does do them competently. But if all you’re looking for is some cheap titillation (as opposed to existential dread), perhaps you’d be better served by googling some 2B smut instead. Certainly no shortage of that floating around the old Interwebs…

#55 - What Remains of Edith Finch, various (played on Switch)

I might have a little problem with this entry.

You see, as a walking simulator (some might say the walking simulator), What Remains of Edith Finch doesn’t really have much to talk about besides the plot. But the plot is so intensely magical, so deserving of fresh eyes and non-spoilerfication, that it’s almost impossible to discuss the game without ruining its key feature.

I guess I could synopsize: Edith Finch, the last scion of a long lineage of Finches, returns home following her mother’s death, there to unravel the mystery that surrounds her family line, and curses them to perish in exotic and untimely ways.

What Remains is a magnificent example of gameplay as narrative. (I’ve talked about that principle before in previous entries. I guess you can probably tell that it's pretty important to me.) As you explore the unusual house in the Pacific Northwest where Edith grew up, you will uncover the stories of various Finches and their unfortunate ends. Guided by stunning captions with a life of their own, each chapter is presented as a minigame of sorts, allowing you to experience their stories in an almost tactile sense.

The utter pathos of these tales rends your heart, even as Edith fancies a number of heartwarming revelations based on her discoveries. It’s a sad tale, yes… but there is magic here, and lessons to be learned, and even the odd absurdity that tickles your funny bone. The house itself is spectacularly realized, and the low stakes nature of the gameplay really emphasizes taking your time to explore the environments fully. Little touches encourage speculation, and help firmly embed the unlikely edifice in your mind as a real place. Empathy for the various Finches naturally follows from there.

I don’t want to say anymore and risk spoiling it. It’s like $5 on Steam right now, and only about two hours long. I cannot recommend it enough, What Remains of Edith Finch is a must play.

At this point, it will probably not surprise you that this masterpiece of the form was brought to you by our friends at Annapurna Interactive. I told you you’d be seeing that name a lot on this list. I’m pretty sure this isn’t even the last time.

#54 - Fallout 3, various (played on PS3)

War… War never changes.

The Fallout series, though? That’s been through some changes.

One of these was the establishment of the new Fallout formula with Bethesda’s Fallout 3. Reimagined as a (somewhat) first person RPG in the Elder Scrolls vein, Fallout 3 was a monumental shift in the series’s perspective, both literally and figuratively. It was also the biggest, most mainstream hit of the series up to that point, even if it has somewhat fallen off over the years as better entries have overshadowed it.

(I’m talking here about Obsidian’s magnificent Fallout: New Vegas, which many gamers have called the pinnacle of the series. But you will not find it on this list, merely because I haven’t played it yet. It’s on my to-do list.)

Looking back, I think this was probably my first great-big-open-world game. I had intermittently watched my sibling play it, and so had decided it was not for me. But when my wife surprised me with a PS3 for Christmas, I decided to finally give it a try, and it consumed my life for a wildly extended period. Weeks. The craziest part is that I know I left considerable portions of the map unexplored, but I get impatient after playing a game for a long time. Fallout 3 probably deserved better.

Or maybe it didn’t. But the series definitely does. I have gradually collected all the games in the series over the years, and I intend to give them all their propers someday, simply because, despite its mainstream success, Fallout 3 is probably considered the least of the series. If that is true, then I have a lot of good gaming ahead of me.

Then I can finally get around to watching the Amazon Prime series, amirite?

#53 - Cyberpunk 2077, various (played on PS5)

Speaking of FPS RPGs…

I’ll come out and say it right at the jump. I have not finished Cyberpunk 2077. Not even close. But I have experienced enough of it to know it deserves a spot here. In terms of fully realized great big old open worlds, I’m not sure any game really approaches Cyberpunk’s spectacle.

It was pretty broken for a while, which enabled me to pick up the Day One Edition for PS4 at Target for like $10. Which, after CD Projekt Red’s enduring commitment to eventually delivering on their promises, has been absolute highway robbery on my part. I felt so bad about not paying more for this game that I bought the DLC, Phantom Liberty, at full price. I haven’t even played it yet!

I also have been fortunate to never have attempted this game on PS4, because I’m pretty sure that would have ruined my impressions of it. It clearly deserves to be on the next generation of hardware, and on my PS5, it’s pretty special. I’m looking forward to getting back to it someday.

If only I could quit making my Vee’s look like Lucy Liu… Maybe then I wouldn’t feel so bad about all the terrible things she goes through.

#52 - Katamari Damacy, PS2

It blows my tiny mind that this game launched at $19.99. In 2004. In terms of value for money over the last 22 years, that’s basically free.

I remember all the magazines like Electronic Gaming Monthly raving about this weird ass puzzle action game from Japan for the PS2, going to Best Buy to pick it up, and absolutely losing my mind over it. Katamari Damacy is not a game that should work. Not by any stretch of the imagination, not for a simpleton American like me. It is intensely, unashamedly kookoo krazypants. As the miniscule Prince of All Cosmos, you have to roll up detritus on Earth into large balls called Katamaris, to replace the stars your dingus dad destroyed while on a raging bender.

It starts small… staples, pushpins, paperclips, erasers. But before you know it, you’re rolling up stop signs, park benches, people. Cars, fountains, streets, buildings, even whole-ass countries by the end of the game. Nothing is safe from your rampage.

It’s dead simple to control, too, pretty much only using the thumbsticks in a way that feels weird at first, but gets remarkably more intuitive the further you get.

Everything about Katamari Damacy is unhinged in the extreme, from the wild and inventive art style, to the dizzying array of items you can find in these worlds, to the absolute banger soundtrack full of weird-ass Japanese swing. It is the weirdest shit in the best possible way. If you haven’t given this game a chance yet, I strongly recommend you do so. It is addicting in a way that you just don’t see anymore. No studio would ever take a chance on a game like this these days.

#51 - Final Fantasy Theatrhythm: Final Bar Line, various (played on Switch)

I love a good rhythm game. And I love Final Fantasy. I especially love Final Fantasy’s superlative soundtracks. Imagine my glee at finding a game that celebrates all three.

I first played Theatrhythm on the 3DS, and it was fantastic. I adored it, even the utter afterthought that was the “story” mode. Unlocking all the chibi versions of my favorite characters, playing challenging and rewarding charts of my favorite FF tunes, many by celebrated composer Nobuo Uematsu, regarded as one of the greatest video game composers of all time. I had a blast.

But I remember thinking, “Man, this is a niche product… there can’t be that many weirdos out there like me who are into this. I guess I should be glad I got at least one of these games.”

I was an idiot. Either these games are dead simple to make, or the demand far outstrips my expectations.

Probably both.

Anyway, you could definitely sub in pretty much any of the three or four versions of this game here. In fact, if we’re going by sheer play time, Theatrhythm: Curtain Call for 3DS probably wins for me. But the Switch release Final Bar Line, picked up for a pittance on deep discount with all DLCs included, is such a comprehensive celebration of the Final Fantasy series, that it has to get the nod for me. The tracklist is so long that I have played hours and hours and not finished it. It even includes songs from other Square-Enix properties, just to give you that extra little bit of content. No Dragon Quest tracks though… they saved those for Dragon Quest Theatrhythm, which is tragically stuck in Japan. Localize it in English, you cowards!

I have to believe that this is probably the swan song (pun definitely intended) for the Theatrhythm series, considering the breadth of content. Aside from adding tracks from newer games, I just don’t know how they could iterate on this formula any further. But as I stated above, I’ve definitely been wrong before.

I guess we’ll see.

See y’all next week when I start my Top 50!

Hey all, it’s ya boii Glen AKA Mama CoCo, AKA Glenjamin, AKA Corran450, back at it again with a new top ten list! There’s absolutely no way you’re getting sick of my inane lists yet, so today we’re counting down my Top Ten Retro Emulation Handhelds!

Also joining the fun are, of course LunarHades and , so go check out their lists, too! I’m actually pretty sure their lists will be more interesting, as they are way more eclectic with their handhelds, as you’ll see from my list (four Anbernic XX devices? You lack imagination, Glenjamin…)

Anyway, a couple ground rules:

1. As usual, these are my opinions, they may not align with yours, and that’s okay. It doesn’t mean your opinion means any less.

2. I am only including handhelds I have owned at some point, and only handhelds I have actually used for emulation. So no Nintendo Switch, no Steam Deck, no Game Boy anything.

3. Just for the record, the device I have done the most emulation on by far is a Raspberry Pi 4b with RetroPie and EmulationStation. But that’s not a handheld, so it’s not on the list.

Also, I actually ranked the 14 handhelds I have emulated on, but the bottom four are not good enough to make the list for one reason or another. In case you are curious, they are (in no particular order) the PowKiddy V90, the Trimui Model S, the Mangmi Air X, and my iPhone 17 Pro Max.

On to the list!

#10 - Anbernic RG40XXH (Gifted to a friend)

The Anbernic XX line will be well represented on this list.

When I was first starting out with handheld emulation, I picked up a number of these things looking for the perfect form factor. Do I like horizontal handhelds? Vertical? Clamshell? Anbernic took the same guts from their breakout hit, the 35XX+, and stuck it in a bunch of different shells to cater to as wide an audience as possible.

They must have accidentally ordered 7 million AllWinner H700s and needed some way to use them up…

Anyway, they are (were?) pretty cheap, so I could buy one on a whim just to tinker with, and not spend a bunch of money doing it. It also meant I didn’t care if I bricked them or not (I never did, but I wouldn’t have cared if I had).

The 40XXH is probably the most imperfect of the bunch. It’s pretty big, which is nice, but also kinda thin, which isn’t as nice because it gets hot… this was my main complaint with it, but honestly, I only had it for about two months, because I actually purchased it specifically to give it to a friend. I wanted as seamless an experience as I could get, and something that was kinda durable, because he has a seven year old daughter who I thought might want to get down on it. In the six months since I gave it to him, I don’t think she’s even looked at it. Oh well.

My buddy likes it very much though, which is a good lesson for us connoisseurs… It may not be perfect to us, but it is perfect to somebody.

I don’t miss it, though.

#9 - New Nintendo 3DS XL

Hey, wait a minnit, buddy… you said “no Game Boys”!

Yeah that’s right… it’s not a Game Boy. It’s a 3DS XL. Die mad.

Alright, maybe that’s a little aggressive… But this console totally counts and I’ll tell you why. But first, an unhinged rant:

Nintendo pisses me the hell off with their anti-consumer bullshit. They lock their ecosystems down with arcane code magick and charge full-ass price for 10 year old games (I was gonna link Breath of the Wild here, but it turns out it's actually on sale, for once. Until 7/8, anyways, which is when this article goes live, so haha, suckers, I’m still right!) In 2023, they decided to sunset the Nintendo 3DS eShop, dealing a massive blow to the games preservation community, and essentially ending support for the handheld.

Now, a method for jailbreaking a 3DS had already been refined and perfected, allowing it to be used to play *ahem* legally acquired backups of games, as well as a ton of homebrew applications and emulation platforms. As one final “fuck you” to 3DS owners, Nintendo pushed out a mandatory update that closed the exploit, just days before the 3DS eShop closed forever. It’s as though they believe that you don’t actually own the 3DS you bought from them.

Anyway, you can’t hold the community down, and people are both determined and creative, and probably know Nintendo’s code better than Nintendo does. So the exploit is back. And I’ve emulated a ton of DS games, and even some Game Boy and SNES games on mine. It’s the one pictured above, the coveted golden “Hyrule” edition. Even open box, these things can go for upwards of $600, depending on condition. I’ll never sell mine, though. It’s precious to me.

As an emulation platform, it’s not exactly ideal. But I still believe you can’t beat original hardware when it comes to DS and 3DS.

#8 - Trimui Smart Pro S

An upgraded version of the original Smart Pro, with essentially the same hardware but upgraded innards, the Smart Pro S is essentially purpose built for one thing: PSP emulation. It has a 5-in 720p screen in 16:9 aspect ratio, and enough power to upscale PSP to 2x or sometimes even 3x native resolution, depending on the game. It’s pocketable, powerful enough, and the battery is decent. It’s also adorable in red, although those tiny toothpicks it calls analog sticks are silly and practically unusable. I would prefer sliders instead, as on the original PSP, but handheld companies seem reluctant to go that way for some reason.

The Smart Pro S released around the same time and at a similar price point to the Mangmi Air X, and for some reason (probably the 16:9 screens), the custom was to compare the two head to head, a contest which the Air X often won.

My friends Brend and Lunar were kind enough to gift an Air X to me recently, so I’ve been lazily comparing the two over the past month or so, but I’ve come to the conclusion that the world doesn’t need another full article about that, so I’ll just leave some thoughts here:

The Smart Pro S was a pretty clear winner to me almost immediately. The Air X is technically more powerful, but not more enough to make a difference to me. It feels cheap, the quality just isn’t there like it is on the Trimui. The controls are unremarkable, aside from the D-pad, which really sucks. It’s bigger than the Smart Pro S, which is fine for home use, but not for pocketability. And it runs Android, which at this performance level, isn’t necessary. I prefer Linux, even to GammaOS.

So the Smart Pro S is on my list today, and the Air X is not. But either one is pretty much only suited to PSP and maybe GBA. I have other devices that do everything else better.

#7 - Anbernic RG40XXV (Gifted to a friend)

Okay, I actually really liked this one. In fact, from here on out, I’d say these are proper, full-on recommendations (sometimes with an asterisk…)

This is a comfortable doodad. It was spacious, with a pretty good, bright 4-in IPS screen, decent controls, and room on the back for my man-bear hands. The plastic felt good, and it had… a joystick, for some reason. I also really liked the color, even if it felt more “blueberry” than “indigo” to me.

AllWinner H700 again, which meant it had decent performance up to and including PS1, and a smattering of N64, Dreamcast, and PSP too, although I would never play PSP on a 4:3 screen. Sound was good, form factor very retro. No real complaints, except maybe a bit big in a pocket. I did use it for a whole Disneyland trip as a pocket player, though, so not too bad.

So what happened? Well, I got another doodad in a similar form factor that just did everything a bit (or sometimes more than a bit) better, and the 40XXV languished in a drawer unused. Every so often I would take it out and caress it, lamenting that I didn’t feel the need to play it more often. It deserved better.

So I sent it to my friend akorithi_sidepiece, and he uses it daily. A better home I couldn’t have asked for. Godspeed, purple friend.

#6 - Anbernic RG35XX SP

Anbernic really cooked with this one. They weren’t the first to come out with a GBA SP clone, but they were the first to do it well.

It’s not perfect. It’s a little bigger than a real SP, and the buttons are almost nightmarishly clicky and stiff. You can eventually break them in a bit, but they’re always gonna be kind of uncomfortable after a while.

At least you will already be deaf by then, so the clicks won’t bother you anymore.

But this set off a wave of imitators, and all of them had a smattering of imperfections. The 35XXSP just had the fewest, in my opinion. Still have mine. It’s my “5 Games” handheld. I put just five games from each system in order to focus myself on a more curated library. It’s great for a flight or a trip somewhere. Or shoving in a pocket to take to the DMV or doctor’s office. AllWinner stays winning, I guess. And the screen is… fine.

Boy, these ones down here are a little less wordy, eh? I’m sure I’ll have plenty to say about…

#5 - AYN Odin 2 (gifted to a friend)

This should’ve been my endgame handheld. At least, endgame for a couple years. But it wasn’t meant to be.

To be fair, it was the entry level base model, so not a ton of RAM or internal storage. But that fancy Qualcomm Snapdragon 8 Gen 2 should’ve been all the emulation brawn I’d need for a good long while. And it did perform well. And it was pretty. And comfortable… those ergonomic grips on the back were so lovely, as was the texture of the plastics all around. The screen was fine, 1080p, 60hz, and 6-in 16:9. I played a handful of PS2 and GC games on it, upscaled, and they looked magnificent.

But I never felt… connected to it. It never wowed me enough to fall in love with it. That’s a silly, irrational thing to say, but it’s the only explanation I have for why this $300 device spent so much time languishing in its case and not being played. Every time I thought about getting it out, some other thing would pop into my brain and I’d do that instead. Maybe my inexperience with Android was the culprit? That doesn’t explain other entries on this list. Maybe it’s just that everything felt kinda more of a hassle than I cared to deal with. And when my Steam Deck arrived in October of last year, well… that was kinda all she wrote for the Odin 2.

Again, like the 40XXV, it deserved better, so I packed it up and sent it off to fabulous human Brend, so he could give it some love. As far as I know, mission accomplished. Though I also know the Thor bug has bitten my friend Brend. Perhaps the Odin 2’s days are yet again numbered… I guess we’ll see.

#4 - Trimui Brick Hammer

This is, I think, a case of wanting to love it more than I actually do. But then again, it’s up here at #4, so it must be doing something right.

It’s just a lovely thing to behold and hold and touch. The cast aluminum shell is doing a lot of heavy lifting here. (It’s also pretty heavy just in general, haha.) It feels sleek and premium, and sturdy. Rugged isn’t exactly the right word, but it’s brawny and durable, and I feel like if I threw it at a brick wall, it would damage the wall. And still work afterwards. It feels like an Apple product, and I mean that in the best possible way.

It’s just… way too small. I talked about this in my review. It’s too small to play with my clumsy fists of ham for more than 15-20 minutes. The controls are fine, they’re just too close together. And this is one of the best IPS screens I’ve ever seen, the pixel density is off the charts for a 3.2-in display. Maybe it’s a little small for my ancient eyes, but I can get by.

I had high hopes for the Brick Hammer Pro U, but Trimui is smoking crack if they think it’s worth $200. Alas, that prices me out for a 4-in 4:3 display with vestigial thumbsticks I don’t want.

That said, I have found new life and purpose for the Brick Hammer by curating a list of turn-based games I can play with one hand. My fingers are long enough to comfortably reach pretty much all the controls. So this is fine, and the small stature of the doodad works in its favor as a pocket player on vacation.

There are still some software kinks to work out… I don’t think there’s a “perfect” firmware for it just yet. But good enough? Aye.

#3 - Anbernic RG35XXH

Along with the Odin 2, this was my first retro handheld emulation device. It’s… almost perfect.

That might be overstating things a bit, but I did fall in love with this thing almost immediately. It’s still the same damned AllWinner H700, but it never felt more at home in anything I’ve used than right here. It’s the perfect combination of size, shape, performance, and durability you want in a daily driver. Unless you need PS2 or Gamecube for some reason. (I’d rather play those systems at home, tbh.)

Plus, just look at it… It’s adorable. In Atomic Purple (ish), with those colorful face buttons and the overengineered cross-style D-pad? Even the little analog sticks, useless though they may be, kinda resemble little dimples on its wide friendly face.

I audibly squealed the first time I beheld that little guy. ANd then I played A Link to the Past on it, and it performed perfectly and looked great. About the only thing I’ve played on it that wasn’t pitch perfect was Super Mario Bros 3, because the D-pad is just a skosh too stiff to comfortably do the “slide under a passage where Super Mario doesn’t technically fit” move.

It has plenty of custom firmware options. I went with MuOS to start, then outgrew that (plus the developer of MuOS is kind of a turd), so I’m a Knulli guy now. And it works great.

To top everything off, when I bought my 35XXH, it was less than $50.

I still recommend this to anyone just starting out. The build quality and ease of use is pretty much unmatched in that price point. I rarely actually use my 35XXH anymore, but it’s one that I can’t bear to give away.

#2 - Retroid Pocket Classic

Soooo… This is the doodad that consigned my 40XXV to the drawer.

I have a full review on this one, if you want a more in-depth look. (It was, in fact, my first ever ‘Stack, haha.) But in brief, this is the best screen I have ever seen on an emulation device to date. It’s AMOLED, 4in with very high pixel density, with a weird 31:27 aspect ratio, almost square, but not quite. This makes it pretty awesome for almost any retro system that isn’t 16:9 (PSP). Even GBA (3:2) looks great on here, because the black bezels mean the letterboxing on the screen disappears into the bezel. It’s bright and beautiful, with amazing contrast, and I ruin everything I put on it by saturating the colors as much as possible.

The device itself is packing some serious heat, a Snapdragon chip (not the top of the line, but good enough), meaning it has enough juice to upscale PS1 and N64 and even run some decent shaders. (This is the first device I really started experimenting with shaders.) It can run some limited GC and PS2, but why would I ever do that? It doesn’t have analog sticks. That’s fine, btw. I’m comfortable using this for what it was intended: being a very classy, overkill device for the Game Boy family and NES and SNES.

It’s also just a really good looking and well-built device. I bought it on Amazon and paid a little extra (probably overpaid, tbh) so I could have the PKMN version with the bright yellow and blue shell and colorful buttons. I do not regret my purchase. When it arrived in March (a birthday present to myself), it quickly rose to the tippy top of my handhelds list, and only very recently was a doodad able to unset it from the throne…

#1 - Anbernic RG 477M

My newest device (save for the Mangmi Air X, which I don’t really like). I recently wrote a pretty wild review of this machine in which I laid all the ways it is a terrible recommendation, and yet I absolutely adore it. It is a completely irrational infatuation, given that it has a Dimensity 8300 CPU with a Mali GPU, which isn't as good as the Snapdragon 8 Gen 2 in the Odin 2, not by a long shot. The Mali GPU in particular is a drag, because it doesn’t have the custom driver support that the Adreno GPU on the Odin 2 has, meaning it’s not really that good for PC emulation or anything above PS2 and GC. Even those games may struggle a bit compared to the Odin 2.

It’s heavier than the Titanic, and costs $299 for the model I have. That’s absolutely ridiculous, I could never in good conscience tell someone else to buy this for that amount, when you could have a Retroid Pocket 6 for $40 less.

But I love it anyways. The screen, though LCD and 4:3, is a wondrous thing, 4.7-in and 960p. It runs at 120hz, making it super sharp with no noticeable input lag. It sounds great (save for the fan whine, which is insidious), and the controls are the best face buttons and D-pad I’ve ever used. With GammaOS installed, it is a joy to use and it plays everything I ask of it with amazing shader support. I’m playing Shadow Hearts right now, which is one of my favorite games, and I’m having a blast.

I cannot justify this machine to anyone. But it is my current favorite doodad and I can’t put it down. Except when my arms get tired or the battery runs low, haha.

Well, there you have it. My top ten favorite retro handhelds (so far). I hope I didn’t ramble on too much, and you can forgive me for my limited experience, haha. Don’t forget to check out Lunar’s and Emory’s lists, I expect they will be much more exciting than this. But thanks for stopping by anyways!

My little brother Michael died in 2020. I am not allowed to talk about it.

That’s not really true, no one told me I couldn’t talk about it. But I feel like I can’t talk about it. I’m not supposed to talk about it. Maybe I can’t let myself talk about it.

It’s complicated.

I only have the vaguest idea of where I’m going with this, so cut me a little slack. These are things I’ve been thinking and feeling for a long time, and haven’t really had anyone I felt comfortable telling about it. I guess this is normally what people go to therapy for.

Anyway, this week’s portion of my Top 100 Vidya Gaimez list is going to have a particular game on it that makes me feel stuff, and I didn’t think that was the right place to vent my crazy bare my soul, so you get an addendum this week. Be advised that this raving shall include spoilers for the first 45 mins of Disney’s “Big Hero 6” and basically the entirety of the indie game Brothers: A Tale of Two Sons by Starbreeze Studios.

Both are pretty short, it’s okay to go do them and then come back to this. Or don’t. I’m not a cop.

Big Hero 6

When the first teasers started coming out about “Big Hero 6”, it was pretty easy to draw parallels between my brother Michael and the charming automaton character Baymax. Both big, squishy guys, both with a penchant for deadpan humor and, just, the best hugs. It wasn’t long before I started calling him “BayMike”, and our butts were in the seats opening night.

If you haven’t seen it, what are you doing here? It’s outstanding, go watch it and come back.

But anyway, the inciting incident in the first quarter of the movie involves two brothers, the elder Tadashi Hamada, and the younger Hiro Hamada. Both are prodigies in the field of AI and robotics, in the Japanamerican Technopunk city of San Fransokyo. Tadashi is attending the local college for robotics, while Hiro wastes his time and talents building robots for gladiatorial fighting for money. Tadashi convinces Hiro to apply for the university and apply his skills to better humanity instead. However, tragedy strikes during a tech expo, and Tadashi is killed in a terrible accident. The rest of the movie is basically Hiro coming to terms with the loss of his brother while also trying to uncover the circumstances behind the accident.

I don’t think I need to spell it out... as two brothers who were extremely close, both Michael and I were strongly affected by this turn of events. He could imagine being Hiro, left orphaned at 14 by both his parents and his elder brother, lost and listless with no one to provide a path or a moral framework for how to go on. I could imagine being Tadashi, risking (and losing) everything to protect my brother and other innocents, and the pain and guilt of leaving Hiro behind. Neither of us were prepared for the profound feels the movie gave us, even though I’m pretty sure Tadashi’s death is well telegraphed in the trailers.

To this day, “Big Hero 6” is one of my favorite movies for its profound examination of the particular kind of grief that arises from losing your first best friend. It stabs me in the heart every time I watch it, but it gets me, right where I live.

Brothers: A Tale of Two Sons

I played Brothers: A Tale of Two Sons in 2022, two years after my brother died, and it hit me like a freight train. The game opens up with two brothers, an elder and a younger, carrying their sick father to the local healer. Their mother died in a tragic accident some years before, and the boys only have their father to care for them. Well, and each other, of course. This setup is not unlike how Michael and I spent the decade between 2010 and 2020. Our mom died in 2009, leaving us pretty much on our own, as our dad was not really in the picture. He was around intermittently, but struggled with his own demons of alcohol and drug abuse.

He was sick, you might say.

The two brothers (who are not named in the story) are told by the healer that the only thing that can save their father is a particular macguffin in a far off place, and the brothers set off on the perilous journey to fetch some before it is too late.

Now, the game’s major hook is that the player controls each brother simultaneously, with each one’s movements and actions tied to one thumbstick and one trigger button each, the left for the elder brother, and the right for the younger. This inventive approach seems overwhelming at first, but eventually you get used to it, guiding each brother through unique and mysterious environments in a stunning fantastical world. Solving puzzles. Changing the scenery. Even a particularly exciting encounter with a massive troll. The two brothers, under your guidance, traverse this land, and controlling them in tandem with yourself eventually becomes second nature.

Near the end of the game, the elder brother is killed defending his younger sibling. (You can see the parallels with “Big Hero 6” already). But the game does something absolutely marvelous, and absolutely devastating: when the elder brother dies, his controls die too. The remainder of the game, for the most part, takes place on the right side of the controller. It’s a stunning and epic demonstration of gameplay as storytelling. You feel the actual physical loss of the younger brother demonstrated by the utter lack on the left side of the controller. It stabs deep into the heart of you as the broken lad buries his elder brother, and continues on the journey alone.

I know that feeling of loss. I know it feels like piece of you has been cut off, and you’ll never get it back. This game somehow was able to make that feeling tangible, knowable, explainable. Even someone who hasn’t had the misfortune of losing someone like that will still be able to understand it. It’s genius.

A powerful moment occurs when, at his absolute lowest point, the younger brother, faced with overwhelming adversity, remembers his brother, drawing strength from the memory, and gaining the ability to move on without him, manifested by the left analog stick and trigger coming alive again. His expanded abilities from this revelation allow him to complete his mission and return to his father with the necessary medicine. Alone, yes. But alive. And powerful.

This too is a parallel to “Big Hero 6”, as Hiro’s eventual coming-to-terms with the loss of his brother gives him incredible strength of will and moral certainty, allowing him to save the day, and the city of San Fransokyo, at the climax of the film. The power of brotherhood gives him the power to survive. And his brother is still with him, inside, lending his own power.

My Sibling

My little brother Michael died in 2020.

My little sister was born in 2020.

This is the twist ending that you probably saw coming.

Yes, my sibling did not technically die, she was reborn in a different form. My sister is a trans woman. This is kinda why I feel like I’m not allowed to talk about my brother’s death. You see, my sister told me, when talking about her life before, to act as though Michael had died. And in a way, he did. I will never see my brother again. I will never talk to him again. I will be talking to my sister instead.

She’s a different person now, obviously. I mean, we still have the same memories. The same shared experience. She’s still the same entity. But she is not my brother.

That’s actually fine, by the way. I’m overjoyed that my sister gets to live her truth now. Any “trauma” I might “suffer” due to the loss of “my bro” is a small price to pay for her not to have to suffer the trauma of not being able to express her life authentically to herself and the world.

I love my sister with all my heart, and that’s it. I will fight anyone. And she’s strong enough that she doesn’t need me to fight for her, but I fucking will. Try me.

But that doesn’t mean I don’t miss my brother. That is a heartache I will carry with me for the rest of my life. I can love my sister with all that I am, and still grieve for the brother I have lost. And “Big Hero 6” and Brothers: A Tale of Two Sons stab me in places I can’t assuage. I will never be rid of that loss.

But maybe I can let it make me stronger.

Part 2

Part 3

Yadda yadda, my favorite games, My own opinion, not a knock on yours, Emory is always wrong, you know the drill.

Go check out Lunar's new Tuhat, ’s list, and Replay's Tumblr (Edit: Replay is also using Tuhat now!). Their lists are much better and less likely to make you want to burn my house down.

Let’s go!

#70 - Brothers: A Tale of Two Sons, various (played on Switch)

I actually have quite a lot to say about this game, but I’m not sure this is the right venue for an intimate, bare-all emotional exposure, so I’ll just post that as a separate article later this weekend. I will link it here when that goes live. (Addendum is live!)

This game is a charming little indie, a kind of 3D puzzle platformer where each of the two titular brothers is controlled by one half of the controller; left stick and trigger for the elder brother, and right stick and trigger for the younger. It doesn’t actually take all that long to get used to, and it facilitates some pretty inventive puzzles for the left vs right brain, haha. It also contains one of the most powerful instances of gameplay-as-storytelling I’ve ever seen in a video game.

Don’t play the HD remake, I’m told it’s dreadful.

#69 (nice!) - EarthBound, SNES

My friend Replay just posted a very insightful analysis over on his Tumblr (linked in the intro) that says more about EarthBound than I ever could. It’s just an incredibly unique game. The setting, the combat system, the soundtrack, the quirky humor… There really isn’t anything quite like it.

Or, rather, there wasn’t… a whole generation of solo and indie devs who cut their teeth on EarthBound have made incredible games in the same spirit. Undertale (and DeltaRune), OMORI, Bloomtown: A Different Story, and the aforementioned Anodyne all claim influence from this weird little game. There are countless others. EarthBound was not a commercial success at time of release, but it wins in terms of legacy for sure.

It’s not perfect, though. And a number of its problems were solved in a later entry in the franchise, but we’ll be talking about that on another day…

#68 - Star Wars: Rogue Squadron, N64

Hey, remember when Star Wars games were good?

No? Just me?

It seems like a match made in heaven, Star Wars and 3D space shooters… and it is! Rogue Squadron was one of my first N64 games, and it’s a certified banger. A whole bunch of missions flying all the iconic ships from Star Wars that you know and love: the X-wing, of course, but also the Y-wing bomber, the modified Airspeeder for atmospheric combat, even the Millennium Falcon (with a cheat code). But hidden inside was an even bigger secret: a cheat code would unlock the Naboo N-1 Starfighter, allowing you to use it in missions, before Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace came out in theaters! This was a genius move to drum up excitement for the upcoming prequel film. And the N1 is a badass ship, too.

This was right in my Star Wars era at its most fervent. And this is actually a fun game, well-made and exciting, unlike the unmitigated jank-fest that was Shadows of the Empire. LucasArts had plenty of experience with space shooters on PC, but this was the first time it was available on a console, and it rips.

#67 - Uncharted: Drake’s Fortune, PS3

There was a brief period of time when the Uncharted games were my favorite games, and they got their start right here. This is also, I think, where the so-called “Sony style” was first codified: cinematic, high budget third person action adventure games. It seems to be all that Sony releases now, but if I’m completely honest… I don’t mind. Uncharted is a damn good time.

Okay, I have to tell this story: The first time I played this game, Drake was in the abandoned submarine tunnels, when my wife came in and watched me play for a few minutes. “What is this?” she asked me, and I told her. She was like, “Oh, that’s cool… So when do the zombies show up?”

“It’s not that kind of game, honey,” I said with a smile.

Not ten minutes later, I was shitting my pants when a buncha fuckin’ zombies showed up.

That woman put a curse on me, I know it.

#66 - Lumines, PSP

I was in a big damned hurry to get a PSP when it launched. It looked so cool, all modern and high tech and mature. Not like the kiddy Nintendo DS with its gimmicky two screens. The PS was a serious machine for grownups!

To be fair, it actually kind of was, but what it wasn’t was the machine for me. The Nintendo DS ended up being one of my most played handhelds of all time, whereas I really only got into two games on PSP. But what a pair they were.

The first one was Lumines, a falling-block puzzle game not unlike Tetris, but with a style all it’s own. The actual game is fairly simple: 4x4 blocks of two colors fall and pile up. The player has to make squares of one color, and a beam of light that passes across the play field erases them, giving you points. Get more points, get farther. And the blocks speed up. Classic stuff.

Where Lumines stands out is in the stellar presentation. Rather than one Russian-folk-song-inspired theme, there are dozens of house tracks that play behind the play field. The colors shift and change, lens flares sear your corneas, and the blocks falling synchronizes with whichever track is playing. And the tracks aren’t all the same tempo. They speed up or shift… heck, you might not think so, but some of the hardest “levels” are the down tempo slower songs, because the blocks still fall at blistering speed, but the beam of light that erases your blocks slows way down to match the song’s tempo, so your work starts to pile up.

It’s very stressful… yet somehow also mesmerizing, even soothing. I’ve lost hours and hours playing Lumines. In fact, it’s usually the first PSP game I try out on a new doodad, even though running it is trivial, and it is not a very good benchmark for testing performance. But every time I fire it up, I am gone for an hour or more. I think this ancient Penny Arcade cartoon sums it up best:

#65 - Parasite Eve, PS1

The back of the box proudly and brazenly states, “The Cinematic RPG”, but you know something? It isn’t wrong.

Parasite Eve is a number of things all at once: A speedy RPG (at around just ten hours for a playthrough), a survival-horror-style crossover in the time of Resident Evil, an adaptation/sequel to a classic Japanese novel, and a playground/test bed for the technology that would eventually give us Final Fantasy VIII. The fact that it wears so many hats, with such a unique setting and theme, and still manages to be a standout Squaresoft RPG from the PS1 is pretty amazing, considering it was never intended to become a franchise.

This sci-fi horror story is super interesting as well, even if the science is laughable. An entity that has lain dormant in animal genetic code for eons awakens on Christmas Eve in New York City, wreaking havoc as it attempts to claim dominion over all life on the planet. You play as NYPD officer Aya Brea, a mercurial woman who has some connection to the menace while somehow resisting its influence. It’s a turn based RPG where enemy positioning matters, and you shoot stuff a bunch.

It also has some of the most gruesome body-horror FMVs I’ve ever seen.

There’s really nothing else like it from that time. It’s a strong recommend from me, especially during Halloween season. I hope someday they give it a visual refresh, but they’d better not change the gameplay. There are already far too few horror RPGs out there. T’would be a shame to lose this one.

#64 - Professor Layton and the Curious Village, DS

Really, any one of the Layton titles for DS could’ve gone here, and there are four of them to choose from, plus two more on 3DS and a couple on Switch that I have not played yet. (There’s even a crossover with everyone’s favorite earnest barrister, Phoenix Wright!)

I’m going with the original title here, simply because it was so astounding at time of release. So, it’s a puzzle game, right? But not like Tetris or Lumines, more like brain teasers and riddles. But it’s also one of the most lavishly produced games I’ve ever played, considering the platform. Professor Layton and the Curious Village is a wonderful little mystery cartoon in the style of Miss Marple or Colombo. It has beautiful animations, it has lovingly cluttered still frame art work, it has excellent voice acting and music, and the puzzles are fucking fun! It’s so satisfying to crack open a brain teaser and get that “right answer” sting.

The story holds up, too. It’s a little predictable, I suppose, but I think the game shoots itself in the foot a little bit. You spend 8 hours or so training your brain to think around the problem, which also trains you to guess what the solution to the mystery is. Oh well, just the fact that this brain teaser game even has a story, nevermind a story this intricate and well told, is enough for this to end up on my list. Play it, then play the other ones, they’re all excellent. And maybe they’ll release that new one, Professor Layton and the New World of Steam sometime before the heat death of the universe.

#63 - Final Fantasy XII, PS2

This is sure to be a controversial pick… Many people see Final Fantasy XII as the exact point where Square Enix started going downhill. From the internal strife of the dev team that led to multiple delays, to the departure of Squaresoft royalty Hironobu Sakaguchi and Nobuo Uematsu, to the much maligned (and misunderstood) Gambit system, FFXII is a tempest of mixed feelings.

Not for me, though. The dark and surprisingly political narrative, the rich history of the setting, the complex well-developed characters (not you, Vaan and Penelo), the bombastic and compelling score… Final Fantasy XII is Star Wars meets Lord of the Rings, and I love it. It’s far from perfect, but I love it just the same.

We can talk about the hot mess that was Final Fantasy XIII all day (you will not see that one on this list, haha), but I think FFXII is pretty underrated, all things considered. But that’s just my opinion which, as we all know, is wrong.

#62 - Shadow of the Tomb Raider, PS4

I’ve talked about my love for the Uncharted series already, but hot on the heels of that series was a trilogy rebooting the venerated Tomb Raider series. And while many dismiss these games as “Natasha Drake”, I’m here to say the trilogy is consistently as good or better than the series that inspired it. Which was, of course, inspired by the original Tomb Raider games. Ugh, what a mess this entry is turning out to be.

Shadow of the Tomb Raider is pretty easily the weakest of the trilogy, but it still consumed my life for the 20-25hrs it took to beat. The gameplay is very good, refined from the first two titles. I think most people take issue with the story, and Lara’s character development, which, you know… fair. But it’s still an exciting and intuitive game to play, and gorgeous to behold, very detailed and inventive environments and puzzles.

And death animations. Lots of those. Crystal Dynamics must actually hate Lara to keep subjecting her to these brutal death animations.

#61 - Bravely Default, 3DS

Whenever someone in the mid 2010s would complain to me about the direction of the Final Fantasy series, I would always ask them if they had played Bravely Default. The number of people who stared blankly in confusion is why I don’t talk to people anymore.

If you’re bored or disillusioned with Final Fantasy’s big fancy open worlds and lack of turnbased gameplay, have I got a recommendation for you!:

Okay, but seriously, before OT came out, I would’ve pointed you to Bravely Default. An exquisite turn-based battle system with the first instance I remember of the stock-burst system (called Brave and Default in this game), a complex and multilayered job system that allows you to multiclass, a sprawling world with interesting environments, a fantastic varied soundtrack that compliments the setting perfectly, great, good, serviceable voice acting, and a dark and political story with an outstanding script. Bravely Default has all these and more.

I guess the one knock on the game is it’s a long one… 100 hours, with some pretty shameless story repetition and padding in the later chapters. But I do think the payoff is decent. And it has some quality of life features that make the medicine go down a little easier. Like a random encounters slider that lets you reduce the number of encounters without turning them off entirely. That should be in every single RPG forever.

When I first reviewed this game in my fledgling writing career, it was one of the first to get a 10/10 from me. Now, I haven’t played it since then (~2013), nor have I played any of the sequels. But the lineage is well represented in Square Enix’s ancillary franchises like Octopath Traveler, so I know at least something is worthy of applauding here.

Maybe I should play it again…

Thanks for stopping by. See you next week!

Now, in almost every metric, from raw performance to ergonomics to screen size and resolution, the Odin 2 wipes the floor with the Zazzbizzle. With a tiny 3.5-in 4:3 IPS screen and middling Allwinner H700 processor, the Anbernic runs on Linux and can reliably emulate up to and including PS1, with a smattering of N64 and PSP on top. Not that you’d want to emulate a 16:9 system (PSP) on that tiny screen, but it can do it. Sometimes. It’s plastic and cheap, if durable, and fits in a pocket for gaming on the go, in a pinch. If you’re not picky. I paid about $50 for it.

The Odin 2, on the other hand, is rocking the potent Qualcomm Snapdragon 8 Gen 2 processor, giving it a practical emulation ceiling at PS2 and GameCube, upscaled to 2x or even 3x native resolution. It has a 6-in IPS touchscreen with a resolution of 1920x1080. It is also plastic, but feels premium, with high quality molded ergonomic grips on the back and a smooth, silky texture. It runs Android, giving it the capability of running Android games with no problem, and is capable of running many PC games through emulation frontends like GameNative and GameHub. It streams like a champ, so with a reliable high speed internet connection, you can even play PS4 and Xbox One games, or stream AAA titles from Steam or Nvidia GeForce Now. It’s like a tiny god. I paid about $260 for it.

So you might think, “Hey, that Odin 2 sounds pretty awesome… I bet you love it, and play it every night, while the Zizzybazzy or whatever collects dust, right?”

Well, here’s the thing: here’s a photo of me, right this very moment, holding my Zazzbizzle:

And here is me holding the Odin 2:

So what went wrong?

Well, it’s a curious thing. You see, even though I ordered them from separate places, the two doodads just happened to arrive on the same day. I, of course tore open the Odin 2 first, and yeah, man, it was cool. It felt so nice in my hands, and the screen looked awesome, and Final Fantasy X’s intro looked amazing, because of course it did.

But when I finally got around to opening the RG35XX H, and beheld its atomic purple visage, I audibly squealed. I was immediately taken back to my childhood, clutching my sibling’s Game Boy Color, playing Super Mario Bros. Deluxe, with its pathetic non-backlit screen. I was shooketh, as the kids used to say.

You see, I never really bonded with the Odin 2. I had no emotional investment. It was a powerful, exquisite machine that could play more games than I ever could dream of, but it lost out to the little pocket machine that could, merely because I was in love at first sight.

Now I have to be honest, I don’t really play the Zazzbizzle anymore. I have many more doodads now to play The Legend of Zelda with. It sits in its case that I bought on Amazon for $14, in my wife’s sitting room, where I set it down when I gave it to her several months ago. It doesn’t even power on, has no charge in the battery. I’m certain it would work just fine if I charged it. But I haven’t.

Thing is, though, I know where it is. I can grab it anytime, for a photo, or a little trip down memory lane. Because I have memories with it. This was not true for the Odin 2. When I gifted it to my friend Brend, I felt no sorrow for being separated from it. In fact, I was overjoyed that it was going to a home where it would be appreciated. But I couldn’t do that with the Zazzbizzle. The thought of it leaving my home was heartbreaking to me. So I gave it to my wife, even though she probably won’t ever use it. That’s fine, she’s not really a retro gamer. At least I still know where it is.

I told you all this so you would understand that I am a crazy person. And I have fallen in love again. Irrationally, but nevertheless.

This is the Anbernic RG477M, and it is basically their flagship device right now. Now anyone who’s met me in the Tech Dweeb Discord server will know that I am pretty harsh on Anbernic these days. They've made some, shall we say, missteps over the past year or so. They have a reputation among doodad connoisseurs as a kind of scammy company, putting out devices in a dizzying array of form factors that merely serve to muddle the market… making bizarre errors in judgement with some of their machines... always seeming to include at least one weird fatal flaw in their devices to keep them from being perfect, because if it’s perfect, you won’t buy the next one that comes out in two weeks or whatever.

Anyway, it is this reputation that stayed my hand for so long in obtaining the 477M. As an avid watcher of Tech Dweeb and Retro Game Corps, I had beheld the machine’s shortcomings, (one of which was the truly eyewatering price tag) and declared my disinterest in what I saw as a weirdly flawed “premium” device.

To be honest, if I had had to pay full price for this machine, I would still not have one. At the current price of $299.99 for the upper tier model with 12GB of RAM, I might toy with the idea, but I would probably spend that money on something else. An Odin 2 Portal perhaps, with its massive 7-in OLED display. Or a Retroid Pocket 6. Or even an Odin 3, overkill though it may be for me. But an opportunity came along to obtain a 477M, and I’m so grateful to my Discord friend DisquietedCollector for sending his to me for the low low price of… nothing.

So, it arrived in due time, and when I opened the shipping box and held it in my hands, I felt that old feeling again. A flutter in my stomach, a nostalgic shiver. Love at first sight.

You can easily see the common design language here. It’s the same approximate shape and layout, just bigger. Metal-er. The 477M’s standout feature is the machined aluminum shell. And I am a sucker for a machined aluminum shell. Just ask my Trimui Brick Hammer, which I still have, despite it causing me actual physical pain to use it for too long. And this one has a lovely Chocolate Bronze finish.

The 477M has a big, beautiful 4.7-in LCD screen and is powered by the Dimensity 8300 processor with a Mali-G615 GPU, which is not as powerful as the Odin 2. It doesn’t have the compatibility, either, as Mali GPUs don’t have the custom driver support that the Adreno GPU in the Odin 2 has. So it’s not as good as the Odin 2. GC and PS2 are a little less perfect.

The problems don’t stop there. The first thing that struck me about it (besides its lovely exotic visage) was the weight of the thing. It weighs roughly as much as a Buick Le Sabre. It definitely weighs more than the Odin 2, maybe even as much as my Steam Deck (I’m just estimating here, I could look it up but I’m not going to). The screen is LCD, not OLED, like other premium models in this price range, and it’s 4:3, which means modern games in 16:9 look pretty small. Not that they could run anyway.

Ergonomically, it has a flat back, which is whatever, but I do miss some ergonomic bumps back here to give my fingers something to hang on to and help assuage the weight. Perhaps worst of all are these ridiculous inline bumpers and triggers. They’re digital, not analog, and are a pain to operate. I can’t reach L2 or R2 without accidentally hitting L1/R1. My only recourse is to reach around the back, and that’s just not gonna cut it in a gameplay scenario.

You must be thinking, “Wow, you’ve got a lot of complaints about this thing… Why do you love it so much?”

Well, first of all, shut up. No one ever said love was rational.

Secondly, there’s a lot to love here. The screen, as I’ve said, is wonderful, despite not being OLED. It’s 4:3, 1280x960 resolution, and 120hz refresh rate, so input latency is minimal. It can also run black-frame insertion, where it inserts a black frame between regular frames to give you extra sharp motion without blur. A lot of people say they can’t tell the difference, but I definitely can. It’s the first time I’ve ever been sensitive enough to notice a difference in something like this, haha. It’s too bad BFI is actually intolerable for me because of the polarity reversal it performs every 10-30 seconds to prevent screen burn-in. It’s very noticeable and annoying. So I don’t use it.

The 477M has enough power to run some pretty heavy duty shaders in RetroArch. Shaders are special overlays/filters that change the characteristics of the screen output during emulation. With this extra power, I’ve been experimenting with them really for the first time, and it turns out I have expensive tastes… My favorite shader is the CRT-royale shader, that gives older games the appearance of an old CRT television. Pixels are smoothed out, there is some slight vignetting around the edges, all kinds of crazy stuff that makes these old games look amazing. But CRT-royale is extremely demanding. The Odin-2 could’ve done it just fine, but I never tried. So this is the first doodad I’ve owned that enables me to use it, haha.

These face buttons and D-pad… I don’t have any other words for it, they are the best, most comfortable, most responsive face buttons and D-pad I have ever used, Odin 2 included. Hell, even original hardware like Nintendo and Sony products can’t really compare, at least in terms of retro gaming. And I love to look at this machine. I love to hold it. I love that it has the weight of a tiny neutron star, it does feel premium and sturdy. It’s not like Anbernic’s other products at all, it feels great.

My wonderful friend, DisquietedCollector, sent me a grip case with it, too. It’s reversible, so it fits on the front to protect the screen if I have it in my pocket (better get a more robust belt, haha), or it slides on the back to provide the ergonomic humps I was looking for. It’s not the prettiest thing in the world, but it gets the job done, and utility > aesthetics, as far as I’m concerned.

At the urging of Russ from Retro Game Corps, I picked up some 3D-printed shoulder buttons off of Etsy that are cleverly designed to transform the inline shoulders into stacked shoulders instead, and they work amazing. They’re still just digital inputs but they feel great. It was an easy mod, too, took less than ten minutes, and they look like premium original hardware, as though they always should have been (take note, Anbernic!) Actually they already did, haha. Their next device, the 476H (which will tell you is superior to the 477M in every way), has stacked analog shoulders and triggers.

I also installed some low profile thumbsticks to improve pocketability, which in hindsight is kinda dumb, because with the grip case covering the front, the thumbsticks are concealed anyway.

Finally, I installed GammaOS, a custom build of Android that refines and fixes some little quibbles in the stock firmware. It runs great, and I almost never even have to think about it. It just works. Emulation is great. It plays all my favorites.

Seems like a lot of work, just to get your doodad in a comfortable state, doesn’t it? Well… that’s how I know I love this thing. Because I was willing to do all that work. Love requires sacrifice, but it’s worth it.

And I’m a psycho and an idiot.

Aesthetics: 9/10. It’s not the prettiest thing, but that smooth finish and chocolate bronze color really do it for me. And the screen is excellent, the best non-OLED screen I think I’ve seen so far.

Build Quality: 10/10. Astonishingly good for Anbernic, although their stuff has always been sturdy enough. I’ve never felt like I couldn’t jam one in my pocket for fear of breaking it, and that is still true here. And yeah, it weighs more than Oracle Park, so it passes my “could you kill someone with it” test.

Firmware: 9/10. The stock system is fine, but GammaOS is better in every single way. Not the easiest install I’ve done, but nothing I couldn’t handle. And the rewards are definitely worth it.

Portability: 6/10. Here’s where the weight is a liability. But it does fit in my pocket, even with the grip case on. I dunno if I’d want to carry it around at Disneyland all day, but if I was going to DMV or something, It would be fine. It’s only a little heavier than my iPhone 17 Pro Max, anyway, and I carry that everywhere.

Fun Factor: 10/10. I love playing it. So it gets a 10. It’s a serious device, to be sure, but a serious device for having fun with.

I had possession of both the 477M and my Odin 2 for a brief window, so I can confidently say that the Odin 2 is the better device in almost every category, except one: I love the 477M more. It’s irrational and stupid, and it doesn’t make sense that I would choose an Anbernic over the AYN, but here we are.

Do I think you should buy one? Eh, probably not. It is too damned expensive for what you get. And there’s the small problem of… well…

Did you see my tagline up there? About being “in the nick of time”? Well I was being sarcastic. You see, Retroid recently announced their new model, the Retroid Pocket Nova. Featuring a 4.5-in 4:3 OLED screen, a Snapdragon 8 Gen 2 processor, and a myriad of interesting color options in a more compact form factor, I’m pretty sure the Nova is gonna run circles around the 477M, in the same way that technically the Odin 2 did. It will also come in much cheaper, too, starting at $240 for the 8GB model. It’s a real looker, too:

Pretty much everything here will outstrip the 477M easily. And I was almost taken in by it. A couple of good friends reminded me that I don’t need every new amazing thing that comes along. And they’re right. I came home the other day, picked up my 477M, and played it for a bit, falling in love all over again. Will the Nova be better? Eh, probably.

But not in my heart.

Part 2

I’m already tired of these intros. Let’s just bang on, eh?

As usual, go check out ’s and ’s much better lists. All opinions are my own, don’t at me, yadda yadda.

Edit: My other friend Replay has decided to get in on the action! Go show them some love!

#80 - Final Fantasy IV, SNES

Coming in at a modest 80, we have the first Final Fantasy game on this list. But definitely not the last… <dramatic music>

I’ll be real with you… the 8-bit Final Fantasies will not be making an appearance. Not that they’re not good games, they are. But for me, the most important component of an RPG, especially a JRPG, is the story. And the NES games didn’t really achieve the story excellence that the series eventually became renowned for.

Final Fantasy IV, though… this one’s getting there. A classic dark vs light tale with a couple original twists, this game is also the genesis of the Active Time Battle (ATB) system that dominated the RPG landscape in the latter half of the 1990s. Featuring a large cast of playable characters, each with different personalities and capabilities, Square was firing on all cylinders with this one. The way they managed to mold the gameplay to the story, giving each character a time to shine. (Well, most of them… Looking at you, FuSoYa…)

I expect some folks might be annoyed at the very least that this game ranks so low, but as progressive as it was for the genre in its time, it definitely shows its age now. It’s easily the weakest of the three SNES titles, but I still have a soft spot for it.

The Pixel Remaster is magnificent. Play that one.

#79 - The World Ends With You, Nintendo DS

I am too dumb for this game.

The other day, someone asked me for a list of good Nintendo DS games, and this was one of the first I thought of. The World Ends With You just has so much going for it: a deep and moving story, great characters, excellent soundtrack, and an absolutely iconic aesthetic. No game looks or sounds like this one. It is in a whole different league.

Where it falls down for me is the gameplay. While it is one of the game’s most unique elements, I utterly, pathetically suck at it. It requires using the stylus on the bottom screen to control the main character Neko, while at the same time operating the D-pad/face buttons (depending on right or left handedness, respectively) to operate Neko’s partner on the top screen. It’s not quite as difficult as I’m making it out to be, and when you get it, it’s magical. I’m just dumb.

I was only able to beat TWEWY because it has an easy mode that you can toggle on and off. But if I struggled through the gameplay, it was only because every other little thing it does is magic.

#78 - The Lion King, SNES

Known as one of the most brutally hard games on the SNES, I have always had a soft spot for The Lion King. It is, of course, one of my favorite movies of all time, so when Grandma gave it to us for Christmas one year, my sibling and I played the absolute hell out of it. Or maybe it played the hell out of us…

It’s kinda hard, you see.

I never beat it as a kid. When I started getting heavily into emulation, I discovered cheats… I mean, we had cheat devices growing up, but it’s built right into RetroArch! So I used infinite health cheats to beat The Lion King. It still kicked my ass, because infinite health doesn’t help you with the platforming. Doesn’t matter, beat Scar. I have no idea how anyone does that without cheats, btw… It took 20 minutes even with cheats.

By gawd, this game’s a looker though:

#77 - The Magical Quest, Starring Mickey Mouse, SNES

I mentioned in my last post that Disney and Capcom absolutely cooked in the 90’s, and another classic from that era was this charming platformer, The Magical Quest, Starring Mickey Mouse. Unlike The Lion King, this wonderful diversion was much more accessible to a nine year old. It may, in fact, be the very first game I ever rolled credits on.

Mickey has the ability to jump on enemies and fling bricks at them, which is whatever, but he also unlocks three costumes over the course of the game which confer special powers upon him, be it magical spells, a grappling hook, or even a literal firehose. The gameplay here shows a surprising amount of depth for such a “kiddie” game. There are even unlockable upgrades for Mickey, like a longer magic meter, or extra heart containers. Provided you can find the hidden shops, that is…

It’s another looker, too:

#76 - Eternal Darkness: Sanity’s Requiem, GameCube

Fun fact! Did you know that Nintendo’s first ever M-rated game was a Lovecraftian survival horror title for their flagship console, the GameCube?

It’s actually really good. Most people probably know this, as it is still something of a unicorn in the gaming sphere. Probably best known for its incredibly innovative “sanity effects”, Eternal Darkness: Sanity’s Requiem is a supremely odd duck in the Nintendo canon. Developed by Silicon Knights under the “steady” hand of Denis Dyack, this survival horror game tells a fascinating story that spans a dozen time periods and features a number of unique playable characters.

I love this. I love all of this. Inject that shit straight into my eyeballs. It’s scary, it’s interesting, it’s fun. It does shit like make your character’s head fall off, or shrink to impossible size, or suddenly start leeching health at an impossible rate for no reason. It does absolutely diabolical shit like tell you your controller’s unplugged during a zombie mob, or that your save file has corrupted. None of it is real, but the game fucks with you so bad… it’s amazing. I wish more games did shit like this. But then it wouldn’t be special, I guess.

It even has three campaigns (which are basically difficulty options) which vary slightly, and must all be completed to get the “true” ending. I never did this, but I would still like to someday.

Fun fact! Did you know that this was supposed to be a trilogy? We could’ve had even more Eternal Darkness to finish up the saga of the Roivas family against the elder god Mantorok. The only thing standing in the way was Too Human, a mediocre hack’n’slash full of unhinged ideas developed by Silicon Knights for the Xbox 360. When it was discovered that the devs used Unreal Engine without permission, all copies were ordered to be recalled and destroyed. The subsequent fallout killed Silicon Knights, ending any hope of more Eternal Darkness games. It is for this reason that I declare, in my opinion, Denis Dyack is a grifter and a charlatan, and will never see the light of heaven.

#75 - Broken Sword: Shadow of the Templars, various

Broken Sword: Shadow of the Templars was my first ever point-and-click adventure. Which is a little silly, in hindsight, as I first played it on the Game Boy Advance, and therefore never technically point-and-clicked. What a great story though… Suitably mysterious, complex and layered, which two dynamite leads, the laconic American George Stobbard, and the indomitable French reporter, Nico Collard. Absolutely beautiful visuals, even on the humble GBA. Only a handful of moon logic puzzle solutions (including one particularly nasty bugged puzzle which could soft-lock your whole playthrough, which was very easy to do if you don’t know what you’re doing…)

I enjoyed this game so much that it inspired a lifelong love of the point-and-click genre, which is kinda funny, if only because so few point-and-clicks live up to the standard set by Broken Sword. I keep buying the Broken Sword games, too, multiple times on different platforms, because I’m desperate to help the series succeed, lest it meet the fate of so many other classics of the genre and fade into obscurity. I’m just one man, so I dunno how it’s going, but apparently there is a sixth game on the way, so good job, me!

#74 - Gone Home, various

From the classic breed of point-and-click adventure games to the new modern incarnation, the “walking simulator”.

I think that term is supposed to be derogatory… But I like walking simulators. Maybe the gameplay takes a backseat a bit, but that’s made up for by the genuine artistic expression and captivating story. Well, hopefully. I’m sure there are some walking sims out there that suck. Gone Home isn’t one of them, though.

Somebody correct me if I’m wrong, but I think this might even have been the first walking sim. And I would’ve sworn it was published by good old Annapurna Interactive, but apparently only the Switch version? Which is the version I played, so that’s fair.

There’s something inherently creepy about exploring an empty house. Not even an abandoned house, just an empty one. No one’s home. People live here, but they’re not here right now. Decades of gaming have prepared me for the monster in the attic, so it’s actually kinda subversive, kinda novel when that doesn’t happen. And the story here is a good one, building up a powerful portrait of a family, a family that feels real, but is about to be upended by a very personal revelation. It’s… intimate. Not like, sexually intimate, but in exploring this house, you learn more about its inhabitants than they would probably be comfortable with. A unique experience that lingers after it’s over. I recommend it.

#73 - Guitar Hero, PS2

I’m not gonna have anything insightful to say here. Guitar Hero isn’t academically complex. It’s a rhythm game that you play with a toy guitar. So why did this take the world by storm?

Well, I can only speak to how it took me by storm. I was in Best Buy for something or other and saw the display for this new guitar game. I sat down and picked up the controller and promptly lost 45 minutes of my life. My girlfriend (now wife) was pissed, until I handed her the controller.

Needless to say, Guitar Hero was under our Christmas tree that year.

Now, I actually play the guitar… well, I used to. It’s something I’ve been trying to get back into my life. But I’m qualified enough to tell you that playing Guitar Hero isn’t really anything like actually playing a guitar. So I’m not one of those smug gatekeeping pricks who go, “Oh, you like Guitar Hero? Why don’t you pick up a real guitar, poseur!” They’re different skills, and not everyone wants to exchange their fun silly game for a lifelong habit that inflicts pain and noise. I remember when I was first learning guitar, I would cry for how much my fingers hurt. But I didn’t want to give up because I wanted to make my dad proud. (I don’t think I ever really achieved this, but I’m grounded enough to know now that that’s my dad’s problem, not mine.)

Anyway, pick up a guitar if you want to, or play Guitar Hero. Both are awesome.

#72 - SOMA, PC (and others)

I don’t know if I have anything cogent to say about SOMA.

It’s a horror game… a survival horror game. Or not, if you don’t want. It has a “walking simulator” mode. And that’s what I played because I’m a decrepit old man who is bad at video games.

But the story justifies the walking sim aspect. I’m sure it’s tenser if you give the monsters actual teeth, but taking that anxiety out of the picture gave me more bandwidth to absorb the big ideas at play here.

Everyone who ever recommended SOMA to me urged me to go in as blind as possible. I agree, so I’m not gonna say any more. Except to say that it was the first game I played on my Steam Deck, which is currently my favorite thing in the world. So SOMA has a special place in my heart, even if I ultimately found the “mindblowing ending” a little flat. I guess I fell victim to raised expectations. Don’t make my mistake!

#71 - Final Fantasy VI, SNES

So, I’ve been pretty open about using Pub Meeple’s Ranking Engine to collate this list. I have stated that I trust the algorithm or whatever. But I think it made a mistake with this one.

You see, Final Fantasy VI originally occupied the #80 spot on this list, not Final Fantasy IV. I transposed them, because FFVI is pretty clearly the better game. I expect some people will be absolutely scandalized that it ranks so low, even at #71, so I’m not foolish enough to rank it even lower. But I’m on record committing the cardinal sin of calling Final Fantasy VI “overrated”.

So here’s the thing about that… “overrated” does not mean “bad”. Final Fantasy VI is an all time classic. I just don’t think it’s the literal best game ever made. I don’t even think it’s the best Final Fantasy game.

I don’t even think it’s the best SNES Final Fantasy game. But I’m a witless psychopath, so don’t listen to me.

Look, it has serious flaws, okay? The increased character focus makes the plot take a backseat. It loses all momentum in the second half, where it’s clear Square decided at the last minute to extend the length of their game without a clear plan for what happens after… well, you know. It’s also pretty easy as JRPGs go. And the battle system and level progression is pretty simplistic.

But some of the characters are incredibly enduring (Celes best girl). It has one of the most iconic and deceptively complex villains of all time. The soundtrack is an absolute masterpiece.

You gotta respect the absolute brass-plated Chad balls it takes to compose an 18-minute final boss theme.

So no, Final Fantasy VI isn’t in my Top 10. Not even my Top 50. But it is still on this list. It is still one of my Top 100 games of all time. So maybe just cut me a little slack, alright?