A world with no differences

Imagine for a moment what the world would be like if everyone were the same.

A world where every single individual looked identical, spoke with an indistinguishable tone and accent, matched in body language and posture and so forth.

What would that feel like?

Would it be easier?

Would there be equality?

What would we learn about ourselves and the world if no one disagreed or had a different opinion, idea or experience?

Diversity

We live in a world where it would be impossible to have everyone on the same page, to like exactly the same things and to have the equivalent life experiences, views, values, beliefs and appearance.

This is what makes the world go round.

We need differences in age, gender, skills, knowledge and more, otherwise how would we survive?

If there were no medical staff, how would we get medical aid?

If there were no teachers, who would teach us?

A world with no writers, what would we read?

Without architects, what buildings would be designed?

You get the message.

Diversity is clearly needed in our skills, we can all agree on this yet when diversity is within cultures, this is where there are very contrasting opinions.

Some people are for diversity.

Others are indifferent.

Ruthlessly, some are against it.

Within these groups there are varied opinions, experiences, perceptions and beliefs.

On one hand, diverse cultures bring adventure, excitement, language learning, new experiences, unique ideas, different produce and so much more.

On the other hand, within these cultures there are haters of diversity which bring challenges, chaos, injustice, cultural bias, inequality, stereotypes, narrow perceptions and even worse racism and xenophobia.

Our planet points to diversity

Our earth shows us via nature that diversity is how our world expresses itself, it is how it is designed.

Diversity shows up in colours, textures, energy, climate and all of us reflect this through our ancestral adaption according to which part(s) of the world our lineage is from.

A tree is not the soil, yet it needs it as an anchor as well as to gain mineral nourishment, water and aid from microorganisms.

As humans, we need one another - whether we like/dislike one another, are indifferent, or love others.

Yet there are those who seem to think differences equate to indefinite destruction of their own culture.

Let’s unpack two stories that add to the division and negativity of this world associated with culture.

Two Stories That Certain Individuals Should Stop Believing

The first story is one that needs to be destroyed not just pushed aside, ignored, shrugged off or left for others to deal with.

It is one my readers are against or at least I sincerely hope so - it’s the story that one culture is above/better or superior to all other cultures.

Let me be clear here, there is a distinct difference between being proud of one’s culture or having preferences in who someone is attracted to or where an individual prefers to visit or live.

What I am writing about is when people are racist and/or xenophobic.

These systems have been played out throughout history and still show their chaotic, hideous appearances in our current world, yet if this life were a theatrical performance who the hell would want to watch it?

Generation after generation after generation the same damaged record plays its despicable song while some just let it fade to the background without ever questioning why we are still letting this happen?

What are we leaving for the generations that haven’t even been born?

The same violent, bigoted mess that has stolen so many lives?

I could list an outrageous amount of examples of real stories that real people have faced - stories of discrimination, abuse, slavery, ones of hopes squashed, unlawful incarceration, injustice, segregation, murder, torture, bullying, theft and more yet we’ve all read or heard some of them and even one story is one too many.

All of us have no clue of the uncountable stories of real lives that have been broken and wounded by these systems.

We sing the same tune with the same names and yes they need to be remembered 100%!

Yet there are so many that will never ever have their names remembered or even heard about or any justice.

Just like walking past a graveyard and not knowing the stories of the majority of the names of the lives once living and breathing, how could we possibly know?

And this is where the tragedy lies. It has happened to so many that it is impossible to ever know of all lives taken in this way.

But what are we doing about it?

The truth is, whether a person believes that life is a play, an illusion or a joke, these systems are no laughing matter.

They have been created for many reasons and some of these are to perpetuate division, fear, control and dominance over people and their lands while others profit.

It is the enemy of our human race.

It destroys unity and in many cases at its extreme, takes lives with it whether directly or indirectly.

FOR WHAT?

For others to profit while others grieve their losses?

For others to feel better about themselves?

For others to grow up not ever knowing their true history or certain family members who were taken by this evil?

Racism and xenophobia are rooted in darkness, any “good” in the eyes of those who thrive in these systems is a mere illusion.

The second story

Then there is the story that some people have inherited or been conditioned to believe which is that anyone of a different culture to them is racist.

This is not an exaggeration.

I have met people like this.

They are on holiday, a local is rude to them and suddenly that person is “racist”.

They are in their own country, someone from another culture looks at them in a “funny” way - they are “racist”.

This is not to diminish in any way the real experiences that individuals and groups of people have faced that are clearly an act of racial discrimination and/or xenophobia.

Many who experience these acts whether directly or indirectly carry deep trauma.

The healing of those wounds seeks more than one mind, it clearly takes generations.

The individuals I am referring to are ones who have inherited stories from the news, family or friends and then label everyone in the same way.

We see this behaviour typically when someone is hurt e.g. an individual who is heartbroken and then believes “All men” or “All women” are “bad”.

Whether a person has been personally hurt by racism, telling themselves the constant inner story that everyone else is “racist” is a terrible shame.

This breeds negative emotions such as fear and hatred. Psychological findings demonstrate that when we label others, we look for the evidence, this is known as the self-fulfilling prophecy.

These two stories do not heal this world.

They prevent unity.

They tarnish opportunities for positive changes.

They feed the system at large that has been built to divide, label and control humans.

They cause sorrow, pain, hardship, depression, loss, uncertainty, fear and chaos and if continued, I ask you again in a different way - what will the future world look like?

What can we do?

In order to make a change in this world, we must first be the change.

If anyone believes in one of those stories, here are some suggestions.

Self-analysis

Once you have found the root cause of believing in this, it’s time to:

Notice your patterns

Write down your patterns, thoughts and triggers every time you can, see how often it is impacting your day. Is this healthy?

The next step is to:

Deprogram these thoughts and feelings

This will look different for many people.

Some people may need to start with switching what they read or listen to e.g. things that feed these stories and replace them with positive cultural stories, music, documentaries etc.

Some who have deeply rooted beliefs around these stories may need to take a therapeutic approach such as Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) - this involves working alongside a therapist for multiple sessions to help restructure cognition.

An experienced professional in areas of cognition and behaviour can help guide people on a more open-minded path, to take steps to overcome fears, doubts, anxiety in a safe setting.

Joining a community that celebrates diverse cultures, traveling, exploring languages, history, art and other areas of interest can help people appreciate the wonderful things every culture brings.

The hardest part people face is deciding whether to walk away from family or friends who hold on strongly to these systems. Some people have spent many years of trying to change their minds, it is worth the try, yet people in these situations need to remember that it is a very tough mindset to change hence why it still exists.

But speaking up is important, silence in the face of these two stories is like sipping from a cup of poison willingly.

The video below discusses some brief examples of four diverse women talking about this:

Above all, remembering in our minds and hearts that we are all human, we all deserve the best health care, education, shelter, safety, love, opportunities and care is what this world needs.

If we all individually and collectively shine our light and challenge these stories, we can in our own way from wherever we are shine so bright that love for humanity and diversity unites.

I’d like to hear from you, have you ever believed one of these stories and if so, what helped you to challenge them and transform your mind?

Have you had to walk away from people who strongly hold onto these views?

If someone said something that was completely against your view of diversity equality, what would you do?

Thanks for reading,

𝓒 𝓢𝓲𝓶𝓸𝓷𝓮 ✨

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Related Post

Preparing Children for Cultural Bias Without Stealing Their Joy

References:

Social Reality and Social Problems: The Role of Expectancies - Journal of Social Issues

Journal of Personality and Social Psychology

What should I call you, C or Simone?

What does C stand for?

I love these questions as it shows curiosity, an interest in knowing more -perhaps a story that is hidden behind my pen name.

Apart from people such as a few family, friends and students on here, for quite a while there were only two other people who I met on here and shared my first name with - and .

They were the first to ask and I have a wonderful friendship with them that I never knew could be built online.

C Simone not only came about as C stands for my first name and Simone is my middle name.

It arose from letting go…

Behind every writer, there is a story - their story.

I always preferred the name Simone, it was my first name until it was put as the middle name on my birth certificate!

My mum told me she had chosen the name Simone after the singer Nina Simone, I remember the day she told me we were singing along to her song I wish I knew How It Would Feel To Be Free

I looked up the lyrics as I didn’t know all the words and felt moved.

I felt the emotion of the song and in her words, I found a huge part of myself.

For a huge part of my life, I felt angry at this world.

Although I had an amazing childhood, fantastic parents and so many things I could list, there was a quiet storm wrestling with the love inside me.

I felt like earth was a cage and I wanted to be free.

I wanted to remove those bars and fly…

For a long time. I looked at the world filtered through a negative lens - seeing mainly the division, illnesses, depression, grief, injustice, sadness, all the divisive terms ending with “ism”, xenophobia, and things in the world I just wished didn’t exist.

What really got me was I did not understand why so many people around the world couldn’t celebrate different cultures, genders, talents etc. and see everyone as a human beyond labels like a lot of my family, my friends and I do.

How can one person change another person’s mind on such things?

The pen is a powerful tool.

I began writing in many forms, to bring joy, laughter, awareness, to question, reflect and to share love. I also wrote to create characters who reflected my friends and the things we enjoyed.

Yet not all writers and people who are under the guise of “changing the world” are genuine and having met people like that in real life - the impact became part of the reason I do not use my first name.

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This is part 2 of the New Parent Series. If you missed part 1, you can read it here.

When your baby is born, there is a transition stage that no amount of time being in the presence of other children fully prepares you for...

The identity shift.

You go from being your own person - to a parent.

In this post you will read honest, lived examples of how this transition was experienced by different parents.

The aim is to help you consciously navigate this stage, knowing you are not alone if you feel a mixture of emotions or that you are “failing” if fear or uncertainty arises.

Let's dive in…

Our transitions to becoming parents

C Simone:

The transition to being a mother started during living abroad in restrictive covid times.

Unlike others I know, who had hands-on support from extended family and/or friends, my husband Isaiah and I had each other and no one else in close proximity.

Any support or advice offered (aside from the paediatrician) came via a screen for the first few months after our daughter Zaraya’s arrival.

Upon becoming a mother to Zaraya, I was already a mother but one who had lost our Angel over a year before. In reflection, even that changed me, I wasn’t quite the same after our loss.

This added a layer of anxiety at this stage which was already full of mixed emotions.

On one hand I was excited, in awe and felt so incredibly lucky to have the joint responsibility of raising our baby.

On the other hand, I felt exhausted, slightly anxious and at times, low.

Although I felt my heart could burst with the love I felt and still do, I would worry if I was doing things “right” and I just wanted to protect our precious daughter at all costs.

There was also a feeling of things being surreal. Here I was a mother no longer my own person with so many new lessons to learn. I adore learning but wow this was a very unique experience of it!

The best advice I received was:

“When the baby comes, remember to continue to look after yourself and each other too.”

It’s important to know that the transition requires a lot from you -emotionally, mentally and physically. This is why it’s essential to look after your overall well-being in moments that bring you in tune with yourself, help you relax and give you opportunities to enjoy.

This looks different for everyone, for me it was meditating, being in nature, singing as well as making sure to sleep when Zaraya was too.

To those who are jointly raising a baby - be there for one another.

Both parents are on their own and collective transition.

To the partner of the mother - being aware and proactive while your partner is healing is paramount.

You may need to lift her up if she can’t walk, you may need to be extra patient with the amount of emotions she feels, you may have to be the voice for her when she feels exasperated with responding to advice/questions etc. and just wants to sleep.

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This is why I am taking this moment to thank Isaiah.

Thank you for being there through it all! I am beyond grateful for you! 💜💜

At the beginning of this stage while places were opening their doors to the public, Isaiah encouraged me to go and treat myself and he joined, looking after our daughter while I had time to breathe, relax and enjoy.

He accompanied me to all hospital appointments and we gave each other time to rest. He helped lift me up when I was unable to physically get myself up during the first few days, he assisted me when I passed out and temporarily lost my sight. He looked after our baby when I was getting checks and actively answered medical questions when my brain felt too tired to express myself in Spanish.

Having support whether from a partner, family member or close friend will make the world of difference to those who are in this stage.

Chris B’s experience

My experience as a first-time parent was different than most. I think it’s important to share my journey because while many people talk about first milestones, they never came for my son Brayden.

We noticed he wasn’t tracking with his eyes as early as three months old, and at five months old, he had his first bout with seizures in the form of Infantile Spasms.

Bray Bray was in the hospital for 7 days as a powerful hormone, ACTH, was used to stop the seizures. That was the first time his life was saved. We were blessed he made a full recovery, just as we were 10 years later when the seizures came back and we almost lost him again.

But our Brave Angel persevered back then and he continues to be a shining light today.

My advice to first time parents is to be present, and embrace every moment.

And to those parents who are going through something like we did (and still do), just know that you are not alone.

Monica's experience

I have three adult sons now, so I can look back on those early years with a perspective I certainly didn’t have while I was living them. Transitioning into parenting was exhilarating, exhausting, humbling, and a little terrifying. Suddenly, this tiny person depended on me for absolutely everything, while I was simultaneously trying to figure out who I was in this entirely new role.

I remember feeling an enormous sense of responsibility and wondering whether I was getting any of it right. There was so much love, but there was also fatigue, uncertainty, and the realization that life would never again revolve entirely around my own needs or timetable. Eventually, I learned that parenting was less about knowing exactly what to do and more about growing alongside my children.

Looking at my sons as adults now, I think those early years taught me as much about myself as they did about raising them. You grow them, but somehow, they grow you too.

Andrea’s experience

I was only 21 when I had my first son, Ian, and the truth is, I hadn’t wanted children. I’d spent so much of my own childhood helping to raise my younger siblings that I felt like I’d already been a mom. I felt like I’d been robbed of some of my own childhood because that responsibility had been too heavy for me, and I didn’t think I’d done a particularly good job of it. Why would I want to do it all over again with a child of my own?

And then I got pregnant. Ian wasn’t planned, but from the minute I knew he existed, I loved him. Still, I thought all those years of caring for my siblings had at least prepared me for motherhood. Boy, was I wrong! 😂 Sure, I knew how to change a diaper and take care of a baby, but I knew absolutely nothing about what it would feel like to be someone’s mother.

I remember bringing Ian home in the middle of a snowy Seattle winter. My mom picked us up with my three-year-old brother, and it was complete mayhem. Ian was screaming, my little brother was yelling at him to shut up, my mom was yelling at my brother because, “That’s a tiny baby! You do NOT tell him to shut up!” and I was exhausted and overwhelmed. 😂

But later, at my mom’s house, I remember holding Ian in my arms, looking down at his little face and calling him my sweetness. Everything else seemed to disappear. I had known I would love him, but I wasn’t prepared for how much I would love him. This was something entirely different from any love I’d ever experienced.

People had told me there was no love like the love you have for your child, and I thought I understood that. I didn’t. It’s something you can hear and understand on a certain level, but when you actually feel it, it changes you.

I also expected the sleepless nights and waking up to a crying baby. What I didn’t expect was how often I’d wake up because he wasn’t crying. The silence would wake me, and I’d panic and go check on him. Is he okay? Is he breathing? Suddenly this tiny person’s existence mattered to me more than I knew another person’s existence possibly could.

I think that’s what surprised me most about becoming a mother. I thought motherhood was about knowing how to care for a child. I learned very quickly that the biggest transition wasn’t learning how to take care of Ian. It was realizing how completely loving him had changed me.

Lyon’s experience

Becoming a first-time parent was one of the reasons I started reading more. My motto became: “My child cannot be smarter than me.” And sure enough, my children have their own intelligence — one is quiet and shows it through tasks in the kitchen, the other has deep emotional intelligence, expressed through art and journaling. They are a combination of both my personalities, and they’ve only aided my growth in reality.

Stacey's experience

Transitioning into being a parent after spending 27 years navigating life on my own was life altering. It was terrifying at first and I never felt ready. Terrifying in the sense that I was to be responsible for another whole human life, terrified that I would mess her up or that I wouldn’t know what to do.

The funny thing is, even after you have your first child, that ‘being ready’ feeling never really arrives. And the truth is we all mess up and we all make mistakes, and we are all figuring it out as we go.

Before becoming a mother, I went from being a wild teenager into my twenties mostly making choices based on what I wanted or needed in the moment. Then suddenly, my life wasn’t just mine anymore. Every decision I made affected this little person who depended on me, and that changed my entire perspective, not only on life, but on who I wanted to be.

It really made me think of stability and safety. It also presented me with the choice to be like my parents or to choose another way. It gave me hope and the possibility that I could change things for my lineage for the better. Which doesn’t require you to be perfect or to never make mistakes. It requires awareness, a little self-forgiveness, and a willingness to make different choices.

Parenthood also taught me to be gentler with myself. Things happen. We get things wrong. There are days when we have no idea what we’re doing. And that is a normal part of it. I think what matters most is that you love your child and care about what is best for them. You still won’t always get it right, but that love will usually steer you in the right direction.

Teresa's experience

I remember asking my mom, “Oh my God, I’m so worried something is going to happen to this little human. Will I always worry like this, or does it eventually stop?” And she just looked at me and said, “Welcome to motherhood.” I think that was the moment I realized this tiny person had arrived and my heart was suddenly living outside of my body.

So how do you transition to being a parent?

Transitioning to a new parent looks and feels different for everyone with some similarities.

It is a daily process that requires you to be open to learning, growing, tuning in with yourself and embracing the mixed emotions knowing that each moment can feel different and that’s okay.

It’s about asking when you need help and looking after your well-being, if in a relationship - each other and unquestionably looking after every need of your baby.

We wish you every bit of success, love and joy on your transition! 🎉

𝓕𝓻𝓸𝓶 𝓼𝓮𝓿𝓮𝓷 𝓹𝓪𝓻𝓮𝓷𝓽𝓼 𝓽𝓸 𝓸𝓽𝓱𝓮𝓻𝓼✨

Thank you so much Chris, Monica, Andrea, Lyon, Stacey, and Teresa for sharing your experiences!💜

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This is a series for new parents or those who know someone who is having a baby.

The aim is to share bitesize posts with helpful videos to support you along the way in this life changing transition.

From one parent to another.

Dedicated to my wonderful friend L. EF who is expecting her baby boy the end of this year. 💜

When a baby is born many parents get to a point where they are playing the guessing game.

Their precious baby is crying, sometimes hysterically and they have tried it all.

• Is her nappy in need of a change?

• Is his temperature high?

• I just fed her… Is she still hungry?

• Why is he crying?

• Does she need burping?

• Is he tired?

The list of questions seem to go on and with the tiredness and the changes in hormones for the mothers, the game can be quite a battle.

It’s not one a parent particularly wishes to play when they’ve only had what felt like a wink of sleep.

Hearing the repetitive cries of a baby can be overwhelming especially if you have tried so many different things to soothe them.

Another weight or pressure is felt by certain parents when out in public when they receive disapproving looks if their baby has been crying for a long time.

People can seem to forget that being a parent is not being a magician. Crying is a form of communication from the baby and as adults it is a way of learning to live in translation.

We try our best to understand the needs of our baby and it does not mean someone is failing if their baby is crying for a long time.

Babies cry, that’s what they do, so for anyone who finds themselves overwhelmed and quite frankly fed up of guessing or feeling anxious about taking your baby out, this short post should help you.

How can a parent understand their baby without playing the guessing game?

All babies use these 5 universal sounds according to Priscilla Dunstan, an Australian Opera singer who developed the Dunstan Baby Language.

Understanding the 5 universal sounds which babies use to communicate their physiological needs (regardless of where they are born) was incredibly helpful for us when our daughter was born.

In reflection, I believe it helped her feel safe, understood and that her needs were met quickly.

As her mother, it helped me to get rid of any anxiety of taking her out and so we did many things with her in public as her cries were quickly soothed by us understanding them.

I read and watched so many informative parental guides and nothing helped more than discovering the 5 universal sounds.

Here are the sounds:

1. “Neh” - means “I’m hungry” - this sound is created by a sucking reflex. You can also notice the baby making sucking sounds, using closed fists and/or edging closer to your chest area (yes that includes dads) or to a bottle.

2. “Eh” - This means that they need to be burped. Your baby may become quite fussy, they may shake or squirm as they are trying to do it themselves and need a little help.

3. “Owh” - “I’m sleepy”

4. “Eair” - A sign of gas or lower wind. This sound is usually made when a baby is around 6 - 12 weeks old.

5. “Heh” - This means they are uncomfortable e.g. wet, cold or too hot. It usually signals it’s time for a nappy change. Expect this sound usually after 6 weeks.

Listen to the example sounds to assist you with each one:

I hope that this helps you and if you know someone who is or will be a new parent please share with them.

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To your success,

𝓒 𝓢𝓲𝓶𝓸𝓷𝓮 ✨

Related posts

The Words New Parents Hear - part 1

The Words New Parents Hear - part 2

In this episode Larry Gordon who is creating his memoir London Night Life Black Cab Stories, From The Manor to Mayfair with Corrina Ferros shares some of the stories that will appear in his memoir in an exclusive interview.

Tune in to discover the unique perspective from years of driving all sorts of customers home / to hotels after a night out in London and as Larry states; “Never judge a book by its cover” when it comes to what people may look like…

Thanks for tuning in!

𝓒 𝓢𝓲𝓶𝓸𝓷𝓮 ✨

Credits

Host: C Simone

Guests: Larry Gordon and Corrina Ferros

Intro & Outro Voice Artist: Isaiah

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The journey of words

I heard you
I felt you
I didn't understand you
My mind interpreted you
By the expressions I saw
The tones that made little me
Feel a certain way
I don't have the memory for it
So I'll choose "glee"

I couldn't put into words 
My own emotions or needs
But somehow I already knew 
The universal sounds
The one that starts with "neh"
Meaning "I'm hungry"

The sounds of a baby's cries
Then slowly expanded
They become replaced with babbling words
The magical energy of thoughts
Got translated...

Into comprehensible words

Words formed sentences
Sentences could not sentence
Our words
They needed direction
So we use high intonation
To create questions
To express curiosity
Uncertainty
Fear
Worry
Plans
Ultimately... discovery

Discovery gave insight
Knowledge, tools
Survival, growth
Connection and rules
Laws were created
Labelling people
Land, events, emotions
Food, sport, drink
Literally everything

Yet words also separated
Disconnection arrived
Disapproval, rejection
Punishment, judgement
Heartbreak
And an illusion of perfection

Words didn't replace 
All the sounds
We still make them
To communicate
Our joy, excitement, happiness
Shock, pleasure, pain, 
Curiosity, concern, sorrow
Frustration, anger or shame

Words you are influenced 
And shaped by others
I inherited you English words
I met you in London
Had I been born elsewhere
I wonder what language 
Would be my own?
Or was English destined 
To be my mother tongue?

Words you have travelled
On a journey so vast
You take up a multitude of books
Many webpages
Many typewritten pages of the past
Walls, bodies, 
Anything that can be written on
An uncountable amount of trees were sacrificed
So your words could last

You have been through the fire
You have been in the storms
You have been deleted
Then rose again reborn
You have seen many faces
Discovered many lands
Been performed in many styles
Been held on objects in many hands

Words when you escape
A mind, a mouth
A heart
Do you gasp for air?
Do you wish to travel?
Or be expressed through art?
Do you have a favourite place?
Or a secret we don't know?
Is there a time on earth
Where words do not flow?

Along our journey, words
You were able to connect me
To others
To form friendships
Create a family
To enhance life
Through the highs and the lows
You gave me a voice
One able to express
With passion
My inner thoughts
Experiences, lessons learned
Words without you
I can't even imagine...

I needed more of you
So I chose to learn 
Different languages
Different dialects
Study some of your etymology 
Analyse your history
How a word arose
Teach others from near and far
Connect them 
To the beauty of who you are

You transform, wonderfully evolve
You show up when needed
You carry legacies
History, love, ancestry
You carry all the stories
Yet the most powerful thing
About your journey
Is the lives you have saved
The words that stopped
A person from taking their own
Or a life of another
The cry for help
To save or protect
Each other

You can change a mind
A heart, a soul
You can express forgiveness
Reconnect
And heal the inner wounds
That an eye can't see
Words you don't know
How much you mean to me!


Our words travel far and wide
They surpass 
Where our physical body can go
For they can reach the hearts
Minds and souls of others
That accompany them on their journey
Wherever they are
And whichever path they flow

Some words are like medicine
They make us laugh
Others may make some shocked
Others may bring tears 
Not merely because of you - words
But as they recognise a journey
As they hold a similar one
And you sparked their memory

At times, words, I wonder why...
Some of your best words
Are chosen last...
When really they should be first
Like love, peace, unity, respect
cherish, care, rebirth...

For some people
The best words
Are difficult to say
Like the journey got trapped
In their throat
Or got buried under dismay
The words on their journey
Filled with so many wounds
I wish my words could hug them
As I too know
The past dark times of betrayal
regret, heartbreak and when one leaves too soon

Today, 
Out of all the words I know
And the journeys travelled 
I'm choosing the word "love"
Especially in French and Spanish
They sound like they are asking for more...
Amour, Amor
Like they know
What this world needs
Hopes and is searching for

So no matter what journey 
Anyone is on
Let's start one here
Let's send love right now
To the one who reads this
And hope they too carry you
And spread to others

Right where you are
Whoever you may be
Let the love 
Travel within you
Touching everyone you see
Touch your heart
Take a deep breath
Tell yourself "I love you."
For the word love in its glory
Has chosen to take its journey with you



𝓒 𝓢𝓲𝓶𝓸𝓷𝓮 ✨

Author’s note

When we read or hear other people’s words, they land in a certain way. They may give us hope, make us laugh or remind us of a certain journey we have been on.

Some words do the very opposite.

Words are powerful, they can be used for positivity or for negativity. When we speak or write them, what do we aim to do with our words?

Are they reflecting a journey we have been on or are they a journey we wish to travel?

I think daily about the words I use, I know how words have made me feel and grow throughout my journey. A dear person to me who passed away said his last words “I love you more than words can say.” These words have travelled with me ever since those years and when it’s my time to go, I hope my words have the word “love” as this is one of the most precious, powerful words we have.

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Reflection

What is the journey of your words today?

Think about the choices you make with your words and what influences that choice.

Do you have favourite words that you come back to?

Are your words carrying weight when you speak or write them such as excitement, joy, grief, pain, longing, love?

Do you regret some words that you chose today?

Is there a particular language that you choose when you speak or write that is not your mother tongue?

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Some classes can be tougher than others, some classes we may wish to teach again and again and others we may not wish to step foot into…

However a teacher’s job is not only to teach but to reach the hearts and minds of all of these young people.

Don’t mess up a kid’s life

I no longer work in schools, I teach online yet the impact of working in schools still lives with me.

I write about it.

I speak with friends who are currently working in schools.

I am a parent and so I am still part of the school community from the other side of the table.

Yet after having a conversation with about what school was like when he was a child, having reflected on working in schools and then upon reading ’s heart-breaking piece on a late student, where he clearly understood the student and did his best to support them, I finally felt ready to fully write this.

I am calling out teachers that should not be teachers.

If you are someone who hates children, sorry not sorry - you are in the wrong job.

If you are someone who bullies students, you have got to go!

If you are someone who calls students; “stupid”, “dumb”, “useless” or any other negative adjective, you should read a list of antonyms and ask your boss to be trained on communication. It's highly unlikely this advice would be taken, so in this case, you need to go too.

If you are choosing this career for the vast holidays, you will get a rude awakening, a lot of holidays are spent working.

Being a teacher is not just a profession, it’s who we are.

I’m done with hearing about people with this title, wearing it like a badge of honour while messing up the lives of the kids in their care with their judgemental words, lack of passion or negative actions!

Where is this coming from?

I have been writing my series Hard Education, aimed to help both teachers and parents. During a call with Duncan, I started reflecting even more on the students’ experiences.

I have written about students before to do with helping them learn foreign languages, funny moments I experienced with former students and areas of support through grief. All relevant posts can be found in the Education section and some in the Parenting section.

Yet when I spoke to Duncan, I began to reflect on my own experiences as a student which had two timelines:

Timeline one: First primary school.

Our class teacher one day stormed up to me, grabbed me by my throat, scared me so much that I didn’t tell my parents… She accused me of getting a classmate (who had been labelled as “bad”) to beat up some other children.

I hadn't done this, yet she simply believed I did as I had chosen to include him in games unlike most of the class.

In this case, if I had remained at that school, who would I have become?

Would this teacher have created a reputation for me that would have followed me throughout my school experience?

Would I hate teachers / people in positions of authority?

Timeline two: Second primary school.

I changed primary school due to our family moving location and throughout my school education, I always had positive experiences and did very well in my exams and later became a teacher.

These two timelines are impacted by the teachers. Thankfully in my case, I was given the second timeline but not all children are…

Upon a collaboration with I spoke with school friends, one of them remembered a teacher who treated her harshly, she wrote:

That teacher just had it in for me, I just remember her scowling all day. I have nothing but bad memories of her…

This led me to thinking in the shoes of a student, not one with good grades and lots of friends but the ones who have been neglected, misunderstood and labelled by teachers.

Imagine being a student again and you didn’t understand a simple concept, so your teacher who is meant to differentiate and scaffold lessons just simply labelled you “stupid”…

Imagine having a teacher who hated a certain gender or race that you happen to represent and so labelled you “aggressive”, “violent” or “difficult” just because of how you look?

None of these are one off experiences like a stranger insulting someone with their words once which can have a huge negative impact on some people.

A full-time teacher spends 5-6 hours in direct contact with students, in a school year that’s roughly 900–1,100 hours.

If a student is in a class with a teacher who treats them poorly for a whole year, what type of impact is that going to have?

That same student may move throughout the school with the same treatment as teachers talk about their students and some students gain a bad reputation which started from one teacher!

There are countless students who are labelled, misdiagnosed and rejected from schools without a care, without a second opinion, without enough time, patience nor understanding.

Some thankfully find support from someone who actually cares while others end up in dark places.

Duncan’s views of school when I asked him about his experience:

When I spoke with Duncan about this it made me reflect on the boys I had worked with as a female teacher.

I have taught boys who were gifted and talented, a blind boy, autistic boys, boys with ADHD, boys with low level abilities, boys who made the whole class laugh, boys who were talented, introverts, extroverts and the list goes on…

In each case, I didn’t treat them differently from the girls, their gender wasn’t something I solely paid attention to, it was who they were inside beyond any form of labels.

It takes time and effort to understand an individual, even more when there are 30.

Yet any person who cares will take the time to find out about their class, individually and collectively.

The only time gender really came up in discussion with my classes was during two occasions:

1. Sex education - when we taught this, the boys were put into a male teacher's class and I taught the girls from both classes.

   They were all taught the same curriculum yet with a more comfortable environment e.g. some girls wanted to ask questions about their sibling’s menstrual cycle and didn’t feel comfortable in front of the boys and some boys had questions that were better suited being answered from a male teacher.

2. Rainbow week - this was a school event in celebration and recognition of the LGBTQ+ community. We studied The Boy in The Dress by David Walliams. The children enjoyed this book so much and we had many great discussions on gender.

After reflecting on what Duncan had said, as he informed me that female teachers at that time were overlooking girls bullying boys, it made me think of teachers who prefer one gender over another.

In cases like this, there is an option of working in a school with that gender. If someone is a teacher who finds it too challenging to teach boys, they can work in a girls’ school and vice versa.

It is unthinkable as a teacher to allow any form of bullying to continue in the school…

I agree with Duncan that more male teachers are needed in primary schools. Yet could the imbalance be because of the treatment of some male staff?

I have spoken in depth with a relative who used to work in early years education.

He shared his experiences, how he was treated when working in a predominately female staff school environment.

At one workplace he was deliberately not given key sensitive information about students to see how he would react, cases where a child needed him to be aware, instead the staff played a game with the child’s needs in order to see how “a male teacher could handle it.”

I have written other examples of how some male staff are treated in my post Male Staff Are NOT Punching Bags.

Or could it be that they wish to focus on one subject like that of a secondary school teacher?

Or because of higher pay?

If you are a male teacher in a secondary school, I’d love to know your reasons behind teaching there over primary education.

My View of Gender Roles

For me personally, it’s not about the gender of the teacher, it’s about the type of individual that arrives.

It's about the one who will show up day after day who will try their very best to not only raise the standards of the levels of students, but to also safeguard them.

I have experienced working amongst brilliant female and male teachers and ones who should have changed careers.

I’ll never forget walking into a school as a cover teacher that taught Spanish to KS2 and being told; “Oh good luck with that class and especially (child’s name) as he’ll end up in jail.”

Every part of me wanted to call out this Deputy, how could she just write the student off like this?

She displayed no understanding, just a pointless regurgitation of other people’s opinions.

This student in the whole year of working with the class never once displayed any signs of violence, aggression, theft or any other form of evidence for any educator to think this.

Could it have been his culture that they were referring to? A culturally biased opinion that was hidden under their words?

This student had clear learning difficulties, he also got easily distracted, that was it, nothing else.

I placed him close to the desk and helped him and after that one action, he was able to engage more, share ideas, just because someone wanted to support him.

In another school a boy was labelled as “difficult” due to his aggressive behaviour and occasional violent outbursts.

Some staff walked the other way if they saw him in the corridor, no one wanted to have his class because he was “difficult”.

I ended up with his class for two years and yes he showed the above signs yet it was because his home environment was volatile. His acts were a cry for help.

Some kids don’t have the language to express what they’re going through so they use their actions.

Along with my teaching assistant and a school councillor we managed to have many more peaceful days where he would engage with solo and group work and he even had days were he would smile.

When he got adopted, his whole demeanour changed, he was like a completely different child and this showed that he finally had a home environment that every child deserves - one that is safe, loving and supportive.

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If we as teachers can’t strive to support all children, I ask you what will happen to the ones who have been labelled?

Will they continue through life feeling misunderstood, that something is wrong with them?

Will they continue to express their pain through aggression and/or violence as no one cared enough to encourage them to speak or write about their feelings?

Will they continue to accept untrue culturally biased words because of how they look?

If you as a teacher are not prepared to take on these students, help them, understand them then it may be time to rethink your profession in that environment.

Teaching can be overwhelming in a school, yet there are other options. You can do supply teaching so you can teach without the full overwhelm and responsibility of an onsite teacher. You can teach one-to-one online or tutor in person, you can work in a private school where there are less students per class. You have options, you just have to put in the work to look.

Yet as stated, to anyone who bullies students, lacks passion or hates children, teaching was never for you.

There are no excuses for messing up a kid’s life - none.

𝓒 𝓢𝓲𝓶𝓸𝓷𝓮 ✨

Relevant posts

✨✨A Gratitude for Teachers ✨✨

Are Influencers Shifting Teaching Standards?

Meditation for Children, Part Two: What Happens When Children Are Given a Moment to Pause at School by Andrea Thorfinson & myself

What Parent Carries Narcan? by James (HVR)

Teaching Diaries #1 -Rain, Rants, and the Reason I Teach (Revisited) by Lia

Can we start teaching students THROUGH their interests? by Teaching, She Wrote

The Neuro Child by Duncan the Sage

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As the hands of time tick by, a stage emerges for many where their parents need them to assist.

For many years, I had witnessed my parents take care of their parents. They both took on this duty with grace, selflessness, patience and with a fantastic set of knowledgeable tools from their careers with supporting vulnerable people.

As a granddaughter when I lived in London, I was able to assist along with family with helping my grandmother through different stages.

I know other family members who have also done the same, all have stretched out their hands to those who raised them.

I am incredibly proud of these family members!

On the outside it may be overlooked or just expected, yet today we are going to explore areas where despite expectations, facing this stage may not be an option everyone will choose or be able to do.

What level of care are we delving into today?

Care is a word that branches out to different levels.

The ones I am referring to when I use the word “care” and any synonyms such as “support”/ “assistance” extend to Moderate care, High-level care and Total care.

Moderate care - includes assistance on a regular basis with personal duties such as bathing, dressing, giving medication yet with some independence.

High-level Care - is when the parent needs nursing assistance and close supervision with all daily activities and instrumental activities (medication, finances, transportation etc.).

Total Care - involves 24/7 assistance, there may be advanced disability, dementia and/or complex medical needs.

When someone gets to the stage where their parents need to be supported, it can be a very difficult time.

Not all children will help.

Some parents refuse or block help.

Not all family members will agree on the level of assistance needed.

Some family members or partners will take on the full load of care.

There may be family dynamics that hold a lot of hostility that can make matters worse.

Some people’s work doesn’t lend itself to extra days off to look after parents and some find that they can’t help, lose their job or they choose to walk away.

The list goes on.

Let’s explore three examples that some adults may face:

Parents in need with children who are currently raising their own family

Each family household has its similarities and stark differences.

There are some individuals raising children who have a supportive network around them who will look after their kids while they support their parents.

Other families may not have much or any support outside of themselves and their children may be too young to have them around their parents while they are trying to assist with things like bathing etc.

There are single parents who also may be in one of the above scenarios.

The above paragraphs can be extended to details of the adults’ children’s stages and needs, for example an individual may have a child with severe health problems.

There are some adults who are in this very situation and it can be extremely challenging to deal with.

What does an adult do when they have small children with specific medical or disability needs when they also are required to help one or both parents at the same time?

Having spoken with people in this situation, the answers vary yet what is very clear is that no one should have to choose between caring for their children and caring for their parents.

While the journey is demanding, there are resources, communities, and practical strategies that can help families carry the load together. Examples are given in the following section.

Creating a supportive team is crucial to ensure that the parent is supported without it being piled onto one individual.

Children who carry all or most of the weight

I’ve read and listened to many stories of strangers who have taken the path of helping their parents such as Medium writer Sibylle Dörge who has written her journey so far of currently helping her mother with dementia, you can read it here.

There are some children who are the only child or they are the ones who carry all the weight regardless of having siblings.

The closest I really got to where the level of care was heavily on my shoulders was when I was in my early 20’s. I supported two people who were family members of someone I used to know, all the way from a diagnosis to their passing away.

I wrote a poem in dedication to one of them on my publication Reflejo - Withering Rose Petals

I’ve noticed that in most cases this falls heavily on women or the partner / wife of the individual. There have been many studies on this and upon research I haven’t seen much change in figures dating back to the 70’s.

Across the 47 studies, 14,919 family caregivers participated, of whom 70 % were women. Most family caregivers were either spouses (44 %) or adult children (43 %). Care recipients were predominantly diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease. Female caregivers reported significantly greater burden than males - Science Direct Systematic review

Studies show that these women often experience emotional, physical and financial stress.

I can attest to the emotional and physical stress as it was extremely difficult to witness those people who were once independent and full of character become bedridden and in need of total care towards the end of their lives.

I often felt physical pain from regular lifting of one of them when they needed to go to the bathroom. What once took a couple of minutes could take up to a quarter of an hour (on a good day) due to various factors especially when there was no one else around to help.

Financial Support

How can a caregiver work a full time job and also extend sufficient care to their parents?

In terms of financial support, all the care I gave in this situation was within London. In the UK, there is free support available for both elderly people and their children who are caring for them such as:

• Benefits. Depending on an assessment, some elderly people are eligible to benefits such as Attendance Allowance. There is also a Carer Allowance for carers which is also subject to eligibility.

• Free care needs assessment. This is the right of every elderly person or anyone in need of care. The assessment is provided by their local council to determine which services are needed.

• Free carer's assessment. For anyone who is carer in the UK, you can contact your local council and they can provide training, information on local services and additional support.

• Home adaptations and equipment. Once the local council has arranged an assessment, equipment needed that costs under £1,000 can be provided.

• Respite care. The local council upon assessment may fund respite care services where the carer can have a break, the amount of time differs from a few hours to weekends.

• Charities and community organisations. Age UK, Carers UK, and Independent Age offer helplines, free advice and can point you in the direction of local volunteer support groups.

Around the world, the way older adults are supported varies greatly. Free support services are mainly found in Scandinavian countries, the UK, The Netherlands and Germany.

Australia, Canada, France, Japan and New Zealand offer a mixed support system with some government funded help and private services.

Although the forms of support differ, one truth is universal: caregivers should not assume they must face the journey alone. Whether through government services, healthcare professionals, charities, neighbours, or faith communities, help is often available when people know where to look.

The following part is an area that some children go through and this is too important to exclude. If anyone has faced a similar situation with their parents as there is reference to abuse, please read with care or at your own discretion.

The darker side of care

When thinking about this topic, one story kept coming into my mind. Many years ago I had listened to a woman who recounted her time of supporting her parents when they were in need.

Her story began with a childhood faced with years of abuse. When her father needed additional support she wasn’t going to help him due to the emotional, physical and mental abuse he had put her through.

However after speaking with her husband she reluctantly agreed to take both her parents in and helped care for her father until he passed away.

The details were incredibly shocking in her story and it left me asking questions around forgiveness and expectations.

There are individuals who have very traumatic experiences perpetrated by the people who are their parents.

How can someone forgive an abuser? Are they expected to take on the role of being a carer?

The only answers I could think of were that healing and forgiveness has to be put into place for such individuals. Without this, I honestly don’t know how anyone could possibly take on this role.

In saying this, healing and forgiveness doesn’t automatically equate to a result where an individual will or should reconcile with a parent who has abused them.

Some people do walk away from their parents and this is their decision to make as they know the dark history that took place and this is where it is important that no one forces another to take on a role that is triggering and ultimately detrimental to that person.

I believe that each person has a choice and they should do what feels right for them in cases of trauma.

If you are or know someone who has faced any form of abuse it’s important to know that compassion does not require self-sacrifice.

It is possible to ensure that an aging parent receives appropriate care without becoming their primary caregiver.

If you are in any contact with family members expecting your support, remember that there are options of seeking professional services.

Caring for parents may come at a stage in your life and it’s important to think about plans for this potential future.

You may be approaching a stage where one day, you may need support too. In this case it’s important to think about planning or discussing how you would like this to be experienced.

Would you prefer at-home support?

Would you want to move in with any family members?

If you needed to relocate to a care home, have you got finances or benefits that could assist your family?

Are there support groups you can point your family towards if you ever need it?

For more reading into planning and thinking about this stage of life, I highly recommend you read ’s thought-provoking post:

The Reflection Room

The Future We Hope For

There are certain conversations we’ll probably have someday…

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2 months ago · 16 likes · 19 comments · Marlana aka Outtamydamnmind

Thank you for reading,

𝓒 𝓢𝓲𝓶𝓸𝓷𝓮 ✨

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You came uninvited
I hadn't chosen you
I wanted to continue 
with the other
Yet circumstances
chose you

Then I fell for you
Your words were like 
A love song
I travelled to your country
Met your people
Made some friends

Made connections
Learnt so much
Overcame challenges
And became the "expert"
among others
Just for studying you

Then I left
I tried to keep you
To continue
Not to lose you...

But the other came back
Rushing in
They had more to offer
A life more fulfilling
So I chose them over you

And I have but one regret
That I hadn't kept in touch
As now my dear French
Spanish has taken over you
And some of your words
Have faded

Now I see only remnants of you
One day I will study you again
As I do love how you sound
And I'll never forget our adventures
Yet now is not our time

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Author's note

This poem is written to the French language in a personified style. 
When we begin learning a foreign language, we open the door to a peak of learning to live in translation.

We can often have favourites and at a certain stage we don't have a choice of which to study like when I was at school. I really wanted to continue my study of Spanish as there was something about its language and culture that captivated me. 

When I was a child, my family and I often visited parts of Spain to visit family over there. One of my best friends at the time is from Spain and her family became close to mine and still are.

Could it have been the ancestral tie I was not aware of back then with Venezuela that was echoing a love to explore a language and learn of its variety of cultures that speak it to understand a bit more of my family history, a part that was lost when my great grandmother passed away?

The reason I lean to this is because I've always been interested in ancestry, cultures and languages. 

Or was it because a future version of me knew I would one day move to Spain and would need the language?

Or was it simply because of our beautiful visits to Spain?

Whatever the reasons, I have always been passionate about languages and even though I love the French language I know it makes more sense to focus my daily efforts on mastering Spanish.

Have you ever tried studying more than one language at the same stage?

I'd love to hear your experience!

Thanks for reading!

𝓒 𝓢𝓲𝓶𝓸𝓷𝓮 ✨

 

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The series exploring the tough issues that often get overlooked, remain in mainstream newsletters archives or don’t reach headlines at all.

If you missed part 7, click below:

Part 7

Have you ever worked with adults who really didn’t get on very well?

Working in a school for some educators can feel as if they have stepped into a time machine and become a student again.

In some rare cases, the adults experience or witness the same scenarios - serious talks in the head teacher’s office, navigating cliques and bullying, hearing gossip and a whole bunch of other dramas.

The main difference is that they are being paid to be there.

There are some situations where an educator finds themselves working alongside adults who dislike one another perhaps from other year groups or an occasional project with a visiting worker.

Yet what does a person do when these adults work right within the children’s classroom, where there are daily snide remarks, undermining comments, resistant to cooperating, hostile body language and even arguments?

Today we’re going to explore how to manage adults in your classroom who dislike each other in order to maintain a safe, calm environment.

Why is managing adults who dislike each other an important part of an educator’s role?

Have you noticed even if you don’t know what has occurred in a room, if there is tension in the air, you can usually sense it?

Just like adults, children and teenagers can feel it too.

If there is no intervention such as conflict-resolution practices, it can lead to the following:

• An increase in students becoming anxious, frustrated or distracted leading to poor concentration.

• Students may mirror the adults’ body language, attitude and tone of voice.

• A rise in disrespect towards one of the adults if the students prefer one of them over the other.

• Some students may feel unsafe or even triggered especially those who have witnessed unhealthy or extreme adult conflicts.

• In some cases students may absorb the emotions and struggle with second-hand anger.

• Parents who have been made aware usually and rightly will complain as their children are affected.

• A member of the senior leadership team (SLT) questioning the educator’s management skills.

In rare cases, unresolved conflict can lead to a terrible situation like this:

These brutal attacks will make a headline and as they are rare they shock the readers.

Disliking another person doesn’t automatically equate to assault, yet there are times where these things do happen right within a school.

Being a teacher in a school is not just about teaching a curriculum. Managing a safe environment is essential.

Safety is not just about preventing bodily harm, it extends to emotional, mental and social wellbeing.

My experience of this scenario

I worked in a school where each class had two adults; a teacher and a teaching assistant (TA).

One year, I worked with two TAs. One provided one-to-one support for a child in our class, while the other was employed to help the remaining students and small groups throughout the day.

I mentioned the dynamics between these adults in part 1 Male Staff Are NOT Punching Bags yet I did not explain how I managed these adults and this is the important part as their situation represents other adults out there who not only dislike each other but give in to violent reactions.

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If you missed any of the other parts to this series you can read them below this post.

Today is part 9 - Have Faith in Humanity? - written by

Get ready to question how you see humanity…

Let’s dive in!

These last couple years it feels like lessons have been coming at me pretty hard, so much so that I actually start to anticipate them now. As soon as I’m finished with one, I think what’s next? and then I started thinking about what lessons I would like to learn if I could choose, what would my final boss lessons be?

It was easy, I immediately thought of the two main things that I have struggled to wrap my head around my whole life, concepts that I have resigned myself to believing I’m just far too cynical to grasp. These might be easy for most people to understand but for me I struggled to understand what these two things in life really mean.

One of the big ones for me is understanding once and for all what forgiveness means, and what it means to forgive. I don’t know why but I’ve always struggled with the concept of forgiveness (we can get in to that in a different post).

…But the biggest one — the final boss would be, what it means to have faith in humanity?

That’s the one I want to talk about today. For me it’s huge, or so I thought. One I assumed I would never come to terms with — having faith in humanity.

Because… have you seen humanity lately?

Well it turns out it’s not my final boss, because the minute I began to question—whether I said it out loud or just consciously started to focus on it—it was pretty amazing what happened next, and how simple the answer truly was, and how quickly it hit me.

So here’s my story about how I discovered what it means to have faith in humanity, from the middle of a bar on a Saturday night.

I was working weekends at a local bar, it’s a busy bar with live bands and dancing and all kinds of people that show up. I work on the front door at this particular place and after a certain time of night a large part of my job becomes keeping an eye on people, watching the room and looking out in case of any problems. I’ve actually worked in the industry in some form or capacity for most of my life so I’m pretty good at reading people and reading a room and being able to anticipate when something or someone is about to go array. Every weekend there’s at least some sort of problem, someone you have to ask to finish up and leave the premises and hope it’s incident free.

This one particular night, as I’m standing up front by the hostess desk, taking in the live music and people watching — doing my normal scan of the room, this random man is suddenly standing beside me. He seems fairly gentle, soft spoken, serene.

He feels familiar. I even ask him if we know each other—where did you go to school? I ask. He just smiles and laughs at me. “No, you don’t know me.” He smiled from his eyes. Are you sure? I feel like I know you. He shakes his head, “No…”

In the awkward silence, I continue to watch the dance floor. Then I hear the faint words, “People are mostly good, you know.”

It caught me off guard. I said, “Sorry? What do you mean…? I’m not sure I totally agree.”

He smiled and said, “They are… look, these people are all just trying to have a good time.”

I paused to see what he was seeing. I looked around, and suddenly it was all I could see. My eyes scanned the room, focused on the faces of people laughing together, people dancing and smiling, singing every word to every song, spilling a drink as they cheers their glasses.

Two women bump into each other and decide to be dance partners for the rest of the night…

“Hmm, I never noticed this before.” — It’s not like I never saw the people dancing or smiling or enjoy that part of my job, but I never realized how almost everybody in that room was just trying to be good.

He nodded and smiled. I told him how it’s literally always been my job to look for the bad, that I never actually noticed all of the good.

I turned back to the room for a second—and when I looked again, he was gone.

Three minutes, with a total stranger. That’s all it took for something I had never been able to wrap my head around to finally click.

Think about it—how many of us focus more on the bad?

It’s natural. We notice bad things people do because we don’t expect it, or we’re offended by it, or like me we’re actively looking for it, while calling it vigilance.

And we just accept the good things that happen to us all the time as a normal baseline—something so constant it barely even registers, because we expect it to be there.

Like breathing in air, we don’t really focus on it or think about it. It’s just happening all the time, all around us, like it doesn’t even count.

But if you were to lay out all the events, all the things people do over the course of a life, good and bad—it’s likely to add up to mostly good.

I am so guilty of this. When I was running restaurants, I could literally get a hundred good reviews and one bad one. Guess which one I focused on, what I cared about—when what we really had was a whole bunch of good in front of us. But I let it be drowned out by the bad.

I think it’s the same with humanity. You can have faith in the fact that, People are mostly good.

I just wasn’t looking for it.

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Thank you for reading Jennifer’s post! If you would like to read more of Jennifer’s work, check out her publication Only After.

𝓒 𝓢𝓲𝓶𝓸𝓷𝓮 ✨

If you would like to share a story of a stranger who impacted your life as part of this series:

Other posts in The Stranger Series:

The Disappearance

The Psychic

Lookin’ For Trouble by

Split Second by

Through The Crowd by

Sent to Cross my Path

Heretic by

The Stranger at the Bus Stop by

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Welcome back to Hard Education!

The series exploring the tough issues that often get overlooked, remain in mainstream newsletters archives or don’t reach headlines at all.

If you missed part 6, click below:

Part 6

Have you ever worked in a job, received your monthly pay and realised that it had been cut without any warning?

This unfortunately happens in many fields of work especially those where the job is cash in hand or the boss is someone personally known who has used this to take advantage of that relationship.

Often those affected hear excuses such as:

• “We’ve taken some cash off due to tight budgets.”

• “We’re trying to avoid lay-offs.”

• “This is just temporary.”

• “Everyone is making sacrifices.”

• “You were off for medical reasons that were unpaid.”

Whatever the reasons are and even if the company itself is struggling, this is not right.

If a company needs to resolve its financial issues, all employees affected need to be informed beforehand and an agreement needs to be put in place.

However, this situation happens and it also occurs in schools.

As it is kept quiet, there aren’t headlines about this, therefore, teachers are often left wondering about their rights with some taking to social media to seek help.

Let’s dive in!

Deducting an employee’s pay without an agreement is a breech of contract and is unlawful

Irrespective of what reasons are given to any employee, it is unlawful for an individual’s pay to be deducted without consent.

All workers should be given notice and have a clear written agreement before any reduction to their pay.

All head teachers are aware of this yet not all follow this policy.

Recently I saw a post on Reddit where a school teacher had their pay reduced and they were asking “How can I get the school to follow its own policy?” You can read the full post here.

As of today, this post was written 23 days ago, it shows how these experiences are still happening and people are unsure of what to do.

This is a problem and it shouldn’t be ignored.

My story

In my first year of teaching, I was promoted to a modern foreign language (MFL) co-ordinator which meant that I planned the MFL curriculum for KS2, created international partnerships, organised teacher Insets (meetings), taught MFL to all of KS2, led events such as organising a trip to Paris for students and more.

This came with a higher pay and I became part of the middle leadership team (MLT).

During my fourth year of working in that school, a new head teacher had taken over.

You already know where this is heading…

Change can be difficult at first for many people especially after having a great boss.

We all missed our previous head teacher yet most of us were willing to welcome her to the school, well regardless there was no choice and it’s better to start off on a good footing.

She invited me to her office to get to know more about my role and plans for that academic year.

At the end of the month, 9 staff members’ pay were cut with zero announcement. Some members were part of the MLT and a couple from the senior leadership team (SLT).

What a way to start the school academic year!

Mine was one of them.

Even though I initially thought it was an error, I was not going to allow this to go unresolved.

So what do you do when your pay has been cut without any warning?

There are really 3 options I see here:

Read more

I had written a post about this topic years ago on Medium and having that conversation with Enrique inspired me to write one here. I have added a couple from that list with some new ones….

¡Vamos!

When choosing a name for your child, you are carving out a journey they will embark on because of it.

Names carry a reputation.

Some names are respected, others are rejected based on historical or current events. For example, many Spanish people have the name Maria or José which expresses a religious reputation, in some parts of Spain the first name is dropped and the middle name is commonly used.

In some places, certain names become a joke

There are names that get laughed at and then there are ones that appear impossible to pronounce which can create laughter and also irritation.

Names have a meaning

Some parents skip looking up the meaning of their chosen name, which is understandable as it can be a lot of research looking at a vast list of names and their meanings and agreeing on one (especially if you do this and don’t know whether you’re having a boy or girl).

I’ve asked many people what their names or their children’s names mean and many had no idea and told me they were going to look it up.

Some people choose a name as it sounds “pretty” or because it’s within the family.

Spanish names

Spanish names were quite popular in London when I was growing up. Spanish is one of the Romance languages, often referred to as “romantic languages”, alongside:

• French

• Italian

• Portuguese

• Romanian

In London in the late 80’s and 90’s, there were so many names that people gave to their children that were either after celebrities or from one of the Romance languages. I happened to go to schools where Spanish names dominated the other Romance languages.

In my schools there were names such as; Juanita, Gabriella, Ana, Laura, Patricia… basically names that end with an “a” yet none of these girls were Spanish.

Similarly, my middle name Simone is a French name, I taught in Paris and speak French but this is not part of my ancestry.

This is a common practice in London, Brits don’t always stick to English names such as Albert, Arthur, Harold, Gladys, Winifred, Mabel… We love to shake things up a bit!

If you are someone who likes Spanish names, here is a list of words to avoid naming your child with the meanings:

1. Basura (bah-sur-rah)- this means “trash” / “garbage”, what a lovely sounding word but not the kind anyone in their right mind would want to name their child, ¿no?

2. Chorizo (cho-ritz-zoh) - “Spanish sausage”, it may have been somewhat fashionable for celebs to name children after food or very unique names and you may want to follow suit. Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin named their daughter “Apple” just like the director Peter Farrelly… Yet chorizo also means “thief” in some parts of Spain.

3. Cacahuete (ka-ka-whet-tay) - this means “peanut”. The worse case scenario is if people shorten their name to “caca” unless it’s after Kaká, it’s definitely not a name you want people calling any child especially your own, if you know, you know…

4. Cloaca (Cloh-ah-ka) - some may think this is a unique form of the name Chloe, yet, it means “sewer”.

5. Cuchara (coo-chah-rah) - this is the word for “spoon”. Yes your child would be the only one named this but after cutlery?

6. Dolores (Dough-lor-res) - this isn’t a beautiful word meaning dollars (dólares), yes children cost a lot of money and who knows may grow up and make a lot of money but it means “sorrow” / “pain”, seriously, words have power.

7. Garbanzo (gah-ban-zo) - “chickpea”, okay like me, you may love chickpeas or hummus but come on guys, your child may sound like they have a cool name but will be faced with constant laughter if they meet anyone Spanish.

8. Nada (naa-daa) - this means “nothing” absolutely nothing. It’s commonly used in Spanish daily conversations:

   “No vi nada.” - “I saw nothing.”

   “Pues… nada…” - “Then, nothing…” (usually a gap filler).

   “De nada” - “You’re welcome.”

   “Aquí no hay nada.” - “There’s nothing here.”

   Nada in the Lebanese culture is pronounced differently “NAH-da” and means “morning dew” perhaps go for that pronunciation instead and make sure your child can correct mispronunciation to avoid raised eyebrows.

9. Silla (see-ya) - this is the word for “chair”, if they grow up or live in England, they will get fed up of hearing; “See ya Silla.”

10. Pesadilla (Peh-sah-dee-ya) - this may sound like a fairy-tale name but, it means “nightmare”.

Want to check out more Spanish names that shouldn’t be used, I wrote about this in 2020, little did I know I too would have an obsession with choosing a name that ends in an “a” for our daughter 😅

Click here to read:

20 Spanish Words That Shouldn’t Be On Your List For Names

Do you have any words that shouldn’t be on a list for names?

Leave a comment

Thanks for reading!

𝓒 𝓢𝓲𝓶𝓸𝓷𝓮 ✨

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Other posts about languages:

How to Live Abroad Without Fluency 1/2

How to Live Abroad Without Fluency 2/2

Quique’s story - From Argentina to Caltanissetta

Tips for Raising Bilingual Children Part 1

Tips for Raising Bilingual Children Part 2

For more educational posts click here

Posts for EAL Students:

Click here

Parenting Posts:

Click here

Our daughter ZDB has completed her first year in pre-school, she began her journey at the age of 3. In Spain children start primary school at age 6 unlike in the UK at age 5.

I honestly can’t believe it’s already the last day, this academic year has flown by! Our daughter’s teacher ATR has been one of the kindest people we have met! She is very supportive, caring and works with such grace and heart.

As a teacher and MFL leader for many years in England and with some time teaching in France, those of you who know, will appreciate how much I care about teachers.

This is why I started the Hard Education series and why I explore ways to show my gratitude for teachers especially now being a teacher-parent.

Teaching is not just a profession, it becomes a part of who you are.

An example is when I used to use social media, I couldn’t take off my teacher hat from wanting to correct grammatical errors:

When I write, I am constantly correcting my own errors…

With all that said, we do know how to enjoy life too 😅, being a teacher doesn’t mean it’s always about correcting, organising and planning!

When you work with younger children, your inner child comes out, you will play games, dress up as characters, use different tones of voices and sing!

Outside of school, I can only speak for myself and former school colleagues, we always made our events fun, full of laughter, funny stories, a prank here and there…

I’ll never forget when a group of us went out to our favourite Turkish restaurant Selale, they would always play a particular birthday song which made us all laugh (you have to listen to it) and we would all join in and dance… Well on one occasion, one of our students and his family happened to be there and they sure let us know!

Laughter, singing, dancing and whichever form of enjoying life is essential for all of us so I hope all educators out there enjoy the summer!

What being a special teacher means to me

A teacher that is special ensures that they are role models for their students. They engage them with a range of pedagogical activities with genuine passion.

It takes much heart, effort, understanding and a whole lot of work to consistently show up in this way and reach the minds and hearts of a class of students. This can be exhausting to say the least as well as incredibly rewarding.

ATR is that special teacher.

In one of our meetings with her teacher, my husband shared our collective thoughts that we wished she would be her teacher next year!

There are no words to express how grateful we are to have our daughter feel so happy and settled. She is a child growing up in two worlds, learning two languages, multiple cultures and this can have its challenges for children in similar situations.

Anything worthwhile in life, takes its own pace to reveal its multitude of benefits.

When school staff understand the dynamics of a child and make efforts to reach them where they are, it speaks volumes. Her teacher and the support staff have done this, they use both languages to help our daughter feel understood and that she belongs.

The school also provides English lessons for all students so this also assists her to further engage in both languages.

She started the school reluctant and anxious for the first week, crying and clinging to me at the school gates… After a couple of weeks she began to transform to a child who enjoyed school.

Yet the biggest change in reflection was when she switched classes, she was hesitant on the first day but by the end of the day was ecstatic!

My husband jokes that she has also transformed outside of school into a “local celebrity” as many children call her name when we are out locally.

She absolutely loves her school and ATR has really been a huge reason why she feels content within the school community.

Thank you so much to ATR and all the staff who have supported our daughter’s transition stage and whole school year.

Thank you for all your patience, kindness, support, dedication and care you have shown to our daughter and to us.

With much gratitude,

𝓒 𝓢𝓲𝓶𝓸𝓷𝓮 ✨

The series exploring the tough issues that often get overlooked, remain in mainstream newsletters archives or don’t reach headlines at all.

If you missed part 5, click below:

Part 5

The aim of this post is to give tools to those who may be having a hard time adjusting back to work while grieving.

I know that grief is a heavy topic and want to let you know that today’s topic may be too much for some. If you are grieving, please do take care when reading this article.

When a person is grieving a personal loss, it can be one of the most challenging times adjusting back to work.

In a school environment, the pressure is high in the role of an educator to remain professional and to separate personal life from work.

However, for many, grief can be triggered at any time and anywhere.

A teacher may have tears welling up as someone says a phrase that reminds them of their late loved one.

They may continue to face students exerting challenging behaviour unaware of what is going on in their teacher’s life.

Some colleagues may appear more distant often due to not knowing what to say.

On the other hand, there are colleagues who may come across as “too much” with constant questions of whether they are okay.

It can all be triggering.

It’s difficult for many to balance giving space while simultaneously extending support so often they fall into doing one more or in place of the other.

Grief is a stage of life that looks and feels incredibly different to every individual. It has layers to it and how it’s processed depends on many factors:

• The proximity of the relationship with the person who passed away

• How the person passed

• If they got a chance to say final goodbyes

• The grieving person’s role in the process e.g. are they responsible for funeral arrangements, executing the will, do they have legal obligations to fulfil?

• How supported the person feels in their private life

• Their family dynamics

The list goes on.

In UK schools, staff are given compassionate/bereavement leave but we’re talking about days not weeks unlike in some other fields of work.

It is up to the discretion of the head teacher how much extra time is given to a bereaved person and this is usually unpaid leave.

There isn’t any universal school rule for the amount of time taken off therefore it differs from person to person and from school to school.

In cases I’ve witnessed or heard about, bereaved employees are often expected to return to work at full capacity. Opportunities such as temporary workload sharing, reduced responsibilities, or working from home are rarely offered especially for a teacher who works in class.

I’ve noticed that some schools are more effective than others with supporting grieving individuals and others are not so compassionate.

I have experienced grieving while working in a school in two distinct situations.

My first experience was the loss of a colleague.

Our Colleague

At one of the schools I taught in, I arrived expecting to greet a colleague in their usual spot in the staffroom.

I was fairly new to the school and this colleague was very welcoming. She was such a warm, kind and bubbly person. She would always ask me how things were going and would involve me in conversations with other colleagues.

She sadly passed away from cancer during the summer holidays.

Upon returning to the school that academic year, I looked out for her, I wanted to find out how her holidays were, she usually had funny stories to share.

She wasn’t in the staffroom but I didn’t think much of it.

There were no hints that anything sad had happened, the days simply rolled on. One day I noticed a small typed notice with a rest in peace dedication to this colleague.

Although I had only known her briefly, her impact was huge, I felt her absence.

Her warmth, her hilarious loud giggle, her stories…

I was quite taken aback that there wasn’t an official announcement nor at least a shared one minute silence done for her.

She had given so much of her time and heart to the school…

Perhaps this may have been her wish or that of her family, maybe she didn’t want any grand announcements, dedications or sadness…

Behind all the work, there is a human, a life lived, dreams, hopes, struggles, successes and losses, love, heartbreak and more… so when the work they contributed ceases unexpectedly due to their life ending, how can we honour them, not just think of replacing them?

No one can be replaced.

Yes roles can be filled yet it made me wonder where the care was, the remembrance…

How can someone who had dedicated years of their work to a place, a school community just get a small note and everything else go on as normal?

What about the students they supported? What about the parents they helped? What about their colleagues they befriended?

It just felt incredibly cold.

This is a real lived example of what can happen, some schools leave little room to mourn even their own staff at times.

It can fall on the hands of the support staff instead of those in management. It can remain unspoken of who does what and then the days turn into weeks, then into months and all that is left is a forgotten piece of paper that no one has much time to look at.

This is an incredible shame.

My mentor

I had lost someone I was very close to who I’m referring to as my mentor as she was someone I took a lot of general life advice from.

She had passed away from cancer and I was involved in taking care of her in her final months. She lived a lot further away from where I worked in comparison to where I lived so it often meant running a bit late yet always arriving ahead of time before the students would arrive.

At that point of losing her, work was a helpful distraction to me. Only a few colleagues were aware of my loss and I didn’t actually want any extra time off as honestly it was devasting being around her family.

The support from my colleagues that knew was incredible, it genuinely made grieving feel lighter.

However for some teachers, work is anything but a distraction, it can be a place where grief shows up and is dealt with harshly.

The following person in this story has been given an alias for privacy reasons.

Tabitha’s story

One of the worst situations I was made aware of in regards to lack of support for a grieving colleague was when I worked with a colleague Tabitha.

Read more

Thinking of starting an Airbnb business abroad?

There are places where this appears like an ideal decision.

It’s a perfect location as tourists love to visit!

The excitement of tourists, the gratitude, the reoccurring visits…

Well at least this is what we thought when we started our Airbnb business.

Little did we know the weird, crazy and unforgettable experiences we would encounter!

In late 2019, my husband Isaiah and I invested in an apartment to start an Airbnb business.

We spent time designing and renovating a home away from home for tourists.

We took photos and did all the admin work - registering and purchasing a licence, writing up the listing, a guest guidebook and house rules and went live!

The apartment has a communal pool, a large terrace, spectacular views of the ocean and mountains, it’s situated in such a convenient location- it's within walking distance to the bus station with buses that go all over the island including the airports, the supermarket is 2 minutes away and parking is free!

It’s right near a volcanic sand beach, an animal embassy, a beautiful plaza where there are a plethora of bars, restaurants and shops…

In December of that year, we opened our doors to welcome our very first guests and they were like long, lost friends, their energy was out of this world, they were super friendly and excited to stay in our apartment plus they planned to also relocate.

We continued to have many guests who gave us 5 stars all round. Some quickly booked a return stay. We had a list of reservations all the way to mid-2021, things couldn’t get better right?

Then Covid hit the scenes...

All future reservations after March 2020 were cancelled as no one could travel except one hopeful man who had the most smiley face profile I’ve ever seen!

He had hope and so did we…

We didn’t give up, we had a feeling someone (whether it were a tourist who couldn’t fly back home or a local) would book… someone? Anyone?

The Airbnb notification went off on both our phones one afternoon announcing that someone had booked a month and wanted it that day!

We were so relieved!

However, all the benefits outside of the apartment were cut off - no café, no swimming allowed, no bar hopping, no excursions so we hoped that this guest would understand, I mean it wasn’t our fault…

I can say this looking through the rear view mirror of this journey as you never know with some guests, they can blame hosts for the most ridiculous things like a dog barking outside on the street once…

This guest was a local singer who performed and lived between various hotels, well hotels were strictly allocated for tourists who couldn’t travel home so he was out.

He came across as such a lovely man, he was so grateful and excited when he met us. He even did a private show, no, not that type of show guys! He did a singing performance which was quite hilarious as he was very dramatic, we closed the door and were so happy that he had chosen to book our apartment!

La da dee la da daaa… off we went skipping along like the excitable childlike adults we can be! Have you met us yet?

As the weeks rolled by…

We received messages about future pricing as he didn’t have any work and obviously didn’t know when he would, he promised that he did have savings but the price would eat into it too much - we lowered it for him as we understood.

He stayed another month and gave us an essay of a 5 star! Yes!!

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He extended his stay again, we were so happy to have this guest… well so we thought until…

His departure day came when we needed to arrange cleaning and we always checked the apartment on the day so we could write reviews and check amenities etc.

What we found was like a bull had arrived, crashed many things down with it, emptied its bladder and sprayed the walls with the dirt off its heels…

A disastrous condition, a complete different type of show that attracted flies, they were buzzing around the apartment!

There were cigarette burns on the linen despite the house rules of ‘no smoking inside’.

The toilet bleach would have made a cat even want to puke. It smelt like it had been sprayed with urine that had sat stale on it for years.

The shower was full of mould and on top of this, there were lots of missing amenities such as converter chargers, cutlery and more…

Things were broken and it looked like even the guest wanted to escape his own mess!

It took six days of cleaning and even after the sixth day we were still not satisfied…

Do you know people who sell drugs?

Okay, there is a story to this of course. That question is not for you so don’t DM an answer… 😅

Here goes…

A couple who were staying at our apartment without any issues who were incredibly friendly and complimentary of our apartment messaged us one evening on WhatsApp. They usually communicated via Airbnb, well we quickly found out why they skipped the app.

Their message was along the lines of this:

Hi guys, hope you’re good, random question but do you know anyone who sells ecstasy?

We were surprised…

Were they already high?

Who would ask hosts this? Did they want to be reported?

They deleted the message very quickly after we read it.

Three laptops on a mountain

A couple requested to arrive before the allocated time we set for guests which is very common for guests who may land early - we were flexible hosts so we agreed.

We arrived at the building and we were met by the most sour looking face of a guest (like he had been dragged on holiday) … The woman looked more cheerful.

Her partner begrudgingly grunted a greeting which we couldn’t quite understand whether he had said “Hola”, “Hello” or used his language.

The story unfolded where the woman explained that they had been hiking and her partner had taken three laptops and they had left them on the mountain…

We can understand losing a phone but three laptops? Who does that? Well apparently they did.

We asked why they hadn’t gone back instead of meeting us early. She explained that they didn’t want to be late…

They had driven one hour and a half to meet us and planned to drive back to see if their laptops were still there… Erm… okay…

We can be curious cats so we asked why they even took three laptops to the mountain to begin with and were told that they worked online in I.T.

As the conversation went on, Isaiah asked if the man spoke any Spanish or English and he replied in a deep serious tone “No” (clearly indicating he understood😅).

After returning to our home, we received numerous messages about what they should do, for help with Spanish for contacting the local police, the numbers and more…

It went on for hours, finally the messages stopped and we got on with our evening.

Around midnight we received a message asking us to come to the apartment as the washing machine wasn’t working… jarring! We knew it previously was so asked them to explain what had happened, they said it was making a funny noise and after many hours the lid wouldn’t open.

We went to the apartment and they had put their hiking boots in the machine (there were no signs that they had any other footwear with them) and they hadn’t closed the metal lid properly so it had opened and their hiking boots had got stuck…

These guests were only staying for one night!

So these guests lost their laptops, footwear and broke a washing machine in one visit…

Bonus: Split Personality

We also used booking.com to host some of our guests and that was when their version of crazy situations began to appear…

One of the guests had selected a time of arrival, the difference on Booking is that it’s really designed for hotels with a 24-hour reception but you’ll find plenty of private hosts on there and we used to be one of them.

The reservation time selected was between one hour to the other e.g. 15:00-16:00.

We messaged the guest days before her arrival to ask her to let us know when she would be nearby or for a more precise time so that we could meet her at the reception promptly.

Our messages remained unread.

The day of her arrival, there was an outage of electricity and mobile services and I’m not referring to our apartment building, I’m talking about the whole island!

Luckily for us, we weren’t one of the people who got trapped in a lift and our phones were charged…

We arrived at the apartment fifteen minutes in advance just in case our guest arrived early and had no way of contacting us.

We waited and waited and just that… waited.

No one arrived.

For those who use Booking.com, if a guest is late, it is counted as a no-show, the host can cancel the reservation and still keep the money.

Well of course we didn’t do that, we waited and alas the electricity returned. We received messages that she had tried to send us earlier that day stating that she would be arriving a couple of hours later.

We decided to go for a walk to our local beach instead of waiting another two hours. Unlike her, we replied to tell her that we would meet her for the new arrival time.

Ten minutes after leaving the building, we received a call from one of the reception workers stating that the guest was there and had been very rude to him. He had explained it’s not a hotel, that she should contact the hosts but she apparently demanded that he should…

We arrived back as soon as we could, completely confused by the situation, we know that time flies but there’s a difference between ten minutes and two hours…

The woman was extremely rude. She barely responded to our greeting and marched ahead as if she knew where the apartment was.

Upon arriving to the floor of our apartment, a few locals greeted us all and welcomed her yet she carried on walking without a hint of a smile…

Inside the apartment her attitude switched like a set of traffic lights.

She transformed into a very friendly woman who complimented almost everything in the apartment and actually thanked us.

After exiting, we didn’t skip away, we ran, no we didn’t but seriously we were so glad to leave not only the apartment but the building, the woman’s energy was that weird.

The day arrived of her departure and when we entered we could not believe how the place was left…

She had urinated on the sheets which she left on the floor… they got thrown!

The toilet rolls had been placed around the kitchen.

Broken ceramic cup pieces were in the sink.

There were wine glasses also in random places such as the shower floor… it was as if this woman had a fight at a bizarre party with her other personalities.

There are so many other stories enough to write a book, thankfully the majority of our guests were delightful!

We no longer host on Airbnb after years of doing it, we now rent out long-term yet we ended as “Super Hosts” and were awarded $100.00 🎉

If you’ve got any Airbnb funny or weird experiences whether as a host or guest, do share!

Thanks for reading.

𝓒 𝓢𝓲𝓶𝓸𝓷𝓮 ✨

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Welcome!

This is a light-hearted quiz to see how much you know about the language of the UK.

This is aimed at EAL speakers or those wishing to visit or learn more about the UK culture.

The dialects in this quiz are cockney (East London), MLE (Multicultural London English), Irish English*, Scottish English* and Welsh English*.

*In Ireland, Scotland and Wales other official languages are spoken:

• Ireland - Irish (also called Gaeilge)

• Scotland- Scottish Gaelic

• Wales - Welsh (Cymraeg)

Let’s go!

I.

Setting: You’re in Westfield shopping centre and overhear a group of friends talking.

“Bruv, the weather’s bare cold today. I need to pattern a holiday ASAP.”

What does “pattern” mean?

This is a typical example of MLE.

II.

Setting: You’re just met the siblings of your new friend Tracey, Bob, her older brother seems upset about something, he tells her:

“Me trouble and strife wants another handbag, but I’ve just got the sack, ain’t I?”

What does “trouble and strife” mean?

This is cockney rhyming slang, the word “me” represents “my” and “got the sack” means that Bob has been fired from his job.

III.

Setting: You are at a restaurant, as you are being seated you hear a customer telling his partner the following:

“Aye, I’m no impressed at all! I wouldnae be payin’ for this again.”

What does this mean?

This is Scottish English!

IV.

Setting: Your friend Niamh and her boyfriend Sean are discussing something they just watched.

Niamh: Ah no, he was absolutely gas altogether, I was in bits.

Sean: You’d swear he was doing a stand-up routine or something.

What does “absolutely gas” mean?

This is an example of Irish English.

V.

Setting: You are on the bus and hear a stranger talking on the phone mid-conversation.

“That show was a bit dull, it was, I thought it might pick up as it went on, but it just dragged on to be honest.”

What does “a bit dull” mean?

This is an example of Welsh English.

VI.

Setting: You are at the Harry Potter museum with your friends looking at the original costumes worn by the actors. You overhear someone describing Hermione Granger’s Yule Ball dress.

“It’s proper mad, fam, all light pink and flowy, remember everyone was gassed ‘cause she looked completely different from her usual Hogwarts uniform.”

What does “proper mad” in this sentence mean?

An MLE example.

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VII.

Setting: You’re going to the cinema with your friend Sofia, she invited her friend Maxine to come too. You and Sofia have given Maxine a choice of films to choose from and she says:

“I can’t make me mind up, I can’t, one minute I fancy a laugh, next minute I’m thinking I want a thriller, it’s doing me bleeding head in.”

What does she mean by “doing me bleeding head in”?

This is a cockney example.

VIII.

Setting: You’re talking with some people while on the London Eye. It’s raining heavily so the view is a bit disappointing to the majority. One of the people say:

“Ah here, you English people should try living in Ireland for a while before complaining about the weather, this little bit of rain you’re on about wouldn’t even bother us at all.”

What does “Ah here” suggest?

This is Irish English.

IX.

Setting: You’re about to cross the road and a stranger stops you as you’ve dropped your wallet. They say:

“Here, mind yourself, you’ve got wee pickpockets about, so keep that somewhere a bit safer, aye.”

What does the word “wee” mean?

This is Scottish English.

X.

Final Setting: Your friend works at an antique store, you’re meeting them for lunch. They are serving a customer who says:

“That’s a very tidy piece, that is, I’d just like to know a bit more about its background before I decide, if that’s alright with you.”

What does “tidy” mean?

This is Welsh English.

How do you think you did?

Were any of the terms or words new to you?

What do you do when you don’t understand what someone has said?

If you’d like to find out the answers:

Which was the easiest for you to understand?

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𝓒 𝓢𝓲𝓶𝓸𝓷𝓮 ✨

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The series exploring the tough issues that often get overlooked, remain in mainstream newsletters archives or don’t reach headlines at all.

If you missed part 4, click below:

Part 4

Teaching is such a rewarding and challenging profession when in the school environment.

It doesn’t end as the students leave or the weekends and holidays arrive. There are teachers who when they walk through the school doors and upon arriving home, don’t have an opportunity to unwind, their role continues as the person on demand - they are the parent.

These are the teacher parents.

This post is about educators who are also parents and that unspoken pressure that can form between raising children as well as students’ standards.

Today I’m joined by my friend who teaches in a secondary school who will be sharing his experiences.

Let’s unpack this together!

Raising Students’ Standards

In UK schools, classes typically contain around 30 students with a wide range of attainment levels, needs, strengths, and challenges.

Teachers are responsible for supporting all learners by adapting their planning, resources, and teaching methods. Since student progress is largely assessed by teachers before formal exams, differences in teachers’ interpretations of attainment levels can lead to inconsistent expectations.

This can explain why some students perform differently in exams than predicted. Ultimately, both teaching and learning involve judgement from humans, and neither teachers nor students are perfect.

With that said, there is a lot of pressure on teachers to get their students to the highest possible levels.

This can be very stressful for teachers and sometimes this is faced with lack of support.

The interpretation of parents’ teaching abilities

Without a doubt parenting is a learning experience, each stage brings new lessons to learn and being a teacher doesn’t equate to being a know-it-all parent.

There are stark differences in being a teacher and being a parent.

No parenting guide can provide all the answers, and many parents feel overwhelmed by expectations.

As children start school, parents are often judged through their child’s behaviour, attitude, and performance. However, assuming a child’s school experience is solely a reflection of their parenting can be problematic.

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The profession of a teacher mixed with parenting can be a stage where an educator feels depleted of energy, at times guilt for spending more time with other people’s children…

On top of this, there is a huge pressure to raise the most intelligent, respectful humans as if being a teacher means being able to work magic.

Society seems to expect children to be just like their parents and schools are no exception…

This expectation seems bizarre to me, I wonder if people who think like this have actually met kids?

Children are all different regardless of their parents’ jobs. Siblings with the same parents have their own personalities so why do we assume children will be clones of their parents?

The balance of raising students’ standards whilst ensuring our own children make progress is a scale that will always weigh more on one of the sides.

Teaching full time in a school does not provide enough opportunity for a person to really have a work-life balance let alone when children are apart of it.

Rico’s experience

Teaching is still one of the most challenging professions I know.

Ironically, the actual teaching isn’t the part most of us complain about. Delivering lessons, working with young people, building relationships, helping students grow - that’s the bit I genuinely love. If all I had to do was teach, I’d probably have a lot more hair and a lot less greys.

As a father of two, what I find challenging is the relentless nature of the job. People often tell teachers how lucky we are to have so many holidays, but the reality looks a little different from the outside.

Most days I’m working 10–11 hours minimum, with around six and a half hours of direct contact time with young people and colleges. In a single day, I can be an administrator, Head of Year, counsellor, mediator, examiner, detective, mentor, confidant, advisor, data analyst and occasional magician. Somewhere in between all of that, I’m also expected to teach a few lessons.

What genuinely bothers me sometimes is the realisation that I spend more waking hours with other people’s children than I do with my own.

That isn’t a complaint. It’s just a fact.

By the time I get home, my emotional battery is usually flashing red. If I’m honest, all I want to do is find a quiet corner of the house and stare into the distance for twenty minutes. But what kind of father would I be if I stopped there?

So the second shift begins.

Dinner prep. Homework support. Reading stories. Listening to every detail about who said what at school. Settling disagreements. Answering impossible questions. Finding missing uniform. Being Dad.

And those moments matter far more than any spreadsheet, report or meeting ever will.

What people don’t always see is that the work rarely stops at the school gates. Evenings, weekends, holidays and deadline periods often come with their own workload. Reports, planning, data analysis, safeguarding concerns, parental communication and countless other responsibilities quietly follow you home.

The funny thing is, despite all of this, I genuinely love what I do.

I love helping young people navigate some of the most important years of their lives. I love seeing students succeed. I love being the person some children need on the days when things aren’t going so well.

What I do know, however, is that the current pace isn’t always sustainable. Eventually, something pays the price — your energy, your wellbeing, your family time, or all three.

In an ideal world, I’d spend more time with my own children. I’d be present for more of the little moments that disappear far too quickly. But like most parents, I’m trying to balance providing for my family whilst actually being present with them. Some days I manage it well. Other days it feels like a juggling act performed on a tightrope.

Thankfully, I have a partner who does far more than her fair share. I honestly don’t know how she does it. She’s also in education, which means between us we probably have enough stories to write a sitcom, a drama series and a crime documentary.

As a pastoral leader, I often see the side of education that people don’t talk about. The worries. The crises. The difficult conversations. The unseen battles many young people face every day.

Most of that work will never appear in exam results or performance tables. Nobody applauds it. Nobody sees it.

But it’s often the graft behind the scenes that allows students to walk through the gates each morning ready to learn.

And whilst it can be exhausting, it’s also one of the reasons I keep turning up every day.

Rico’s story is one of many, there are many teacher parents who have similar experiences.

I no longer work in a school environment, I teach adults online based around my parenting, writing and lifestyle. However, I will never forget the demands of the job in a school and as a parent, I have even more respect for those who are trying to balance the scales.

We’d like to hear from you:

What can a parent teacher do to prevent burnout when raising standards of students and raising their children?

As a teacher parent you need to give yourself grace.

Here are some suggestions to help you:

For you:

🎊Schedule time to celebrate yourself - do things that can destress and nourish you e.g. meditation, yoga, swimming, singing, get a massage etc. 🎊

Choose a day each week where you leave work on time regardless of how much work you have left to do. Before you return home to your parental duties, if possible, do something for yourself. It may be walking in nature, sitting and having a coffee, going to the gym, whatever works for you.

At work:

Remember it takes more than one person to help students, seek support where needed, don’t try to do it all alone.

If you know some students are not at their expected levels, ask for an additional adult to assist you in class to support them e.g. a teaching assistant who can help scaffold certain topics.

Involve the parents of those students too. Suggest helpful resources, remember not all parents know the technical words and methods taught in schools. This can make a difference in how your students progress.

At home

Choose an appropriate time to help your children with their school work, remember to breathe before giving into any frustration.

If the subject your child is studying is out of your scope, study it with them e.g. if you have a teenager learning German and you don’t speak it, do some free lessons together using a language app. If it is feasible, look into getting them an online tutor.

🎉If no one has told you, well done for all you do for your students and your child(ren).🎉

To your success,

𝓒 𝓢𝓲𝓶𝓸𝓷𝓮 ✨& Rico

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Teaching Languages Without Linguistics Fails Learners part 2

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Check out Rico’s posts:

The Chapters of Creativity After Loss - part 1

The Chapters of Creativity After Loss part 2

The Chapters of Grief and Parenting part 1

The Chapters of Grief and Parenting part 2

Arsenal’s Red Streets, Black Roots - Latest post

The following words are used in British slang with historical roots.

If you are trying to impress someone, avoid these words like a bad haircut!

English doesn’t quite fit the category of ‘romantic’ like its cousins French, Italian or Spanish.

Depending on who’s talking, it’s referred to as “sophisticated” / “professional” or the “bastard language” (because it developed by heavily borrowing from many different languages rather than descending cleanly from a single source).

Well, not all words are professional, we’re going to look at some of the most unromantic English words and yes some Brits still do use them.

Let’s go!

1. Bog  -  a word for the toilet from Irish Gaelic bogach (soft, marshy ground).

If you’re on a date with an English person and you need to use the toilet, it’s best to say something like:

“I’ll be back in a moment.”

If you wish to tell them where you’re going and want to use another word other than toilet, you can say “loo” - It sounds so much better than “bog.”

This word is also used in the phrase “bog standard” it doesn’t mean toilet standard it means the minimum.

2. Dollop — informal word meaning a large amount of something, like a lump, e.g. a dollop of cream. This is from 16th century English dialect.

You’re on a date and sharing dessert, instead of saying something like:

“Do you want a dollop of ice cream?”

Try replacing this with “scoop” it sounds better.

3. Git - an annoying person, derives from “get” comes from Scottish and northern English dialect.

If someone is rude to any of you on your date e.g. the waiter at a restaurant, avoid referring to them as a “git.” Try just using words such as rude/ annoying / impolite…

4. Gob  -  meaning mouth. This is from Old Norse gobbi (“lump” or “mouth”) or Irish gob (beak, mouth)

You may notice your date has some food around their mouth or you may be complimenting their lips & mouth, avoid using the word “gob.” Just stick to the word “mouth.”

5. Gobby  - this means someone who talks a lot, which again derives from the word “gob.”

Some people are talkative and others become talkative when they are nervous. If you wish to describe yourself as this way, “gobby” really doesn’t come across as the best form. Why not add in a bit of Spanglish to the mix such as:

Men: “I become un hablador (oon ab-la-door) when I’m nervous.”

Women: “I become una habladora (oon-nah ab-la-door-rah) when I’m nervous.”

You never know this may impress them or get them asking what you mean, then you can explain it means a talkative person in Spanish. 😊

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6. Fag — a cigarette, from the late 19th / early 20th century.

Okay, if you’re a smoker and offering a cigarette or asking someone for one, “fag” is the word to avoid on a date… There are multiple reasons why, one of them is it doesn’t sound great…

7. Hag — this is mean, it’s an insult meaning an “unattractive” woman

Why would someone use this word? Well some people put themselves down and can’t take compliments… Don’t ever refer to yourself like this and certainly not another woman!

8. Slob — refers to someone who is very messy. This is from Irish slab or slabaire (muddy person)

If you are someone who is a messy eater or your date is coming back to your place and it’s messy… don’t use the word “slob” - it’s horrid…

9. Smash - not the word for the action of collision but this word means intimacy. This is from Middle English smasshen / smaschen.

Come on people, do your research, this word sucks. There are so many other words, you don’t have to use sophisticated, formal words like “coitus” like Sheldon from The Big Bang Theory but there are better synonyms.

10. Snog — what a horrible way of describing an intimate kiss… This was first recorded in the 1930s.

Some people aim for a kiss or they ask - whatever floats your boat, but using the word “snog” is a turn-off. In fact many words that aren’t animals like frog or dog usually are not pleasing on the ears.

So here you have it, a list of 10 revolting words, now if you hear someone saying them, you know what they mean!

𝓒 𝓢𝓲𝓶𝓸𝓷𝓮 ✨

Which words in your language would you avoid using on a date?

Leave a comment

The series exploring the tough issues that often get overlooked, remain in mainstream newsletters archives or don’t reach headlines at all.

If you missed part 3, click below:

Part 3

Many people in school meetings, don’t have the confidence to use their voice - and all voices matter.

During my years of working in schools, I’ve been to countless meetings.

There’s some that I’ll never forget, I’ll share two very contrasting examples of them.

Teachers weekly meetings

In all schools I’ve worked in there are weekly teachers meetings, usually after school in which a teacher leads a topic e.g. in my meetings, I led themes around modern foreign language (MFL) learning & teaching.

I ensured these were interactive - including group work, questions, volunteer challenges as well as a presentation.

I had to use my voice as the MFL leader and be prepared to answer any questions.

Not all teacher meetings are interactive, some are more of a monologue, for example a teacher explaining a new whole school I.T system that staff need to implement.

There were times within the less interactive meetings when a senior leader would randomly almost sing:

“Boooorrrriiinnnggg!”

- Right in the middle of the teacher talking. The first time I heard it, I instantly burst out laughing with some other colleagues as it was so unexpected and a hilarious tone. Knowing my colleague’s character, she was just joking to lighten the mood.

It became a running joke in some meetings as it was aimed at colleagues who were the typical banterers. They knew it was a prank and would give back e.g. by saying, “Right, detention to you all.”

I absolutely wouldn’t have laughed if it were aimed at other colleagues who were more timid in character or those who had fear of public speaking. Thankfully the senior leader didn’t do that with those who were like this.

However, there are situations in schools where people do use humour that can actually put a muzzle over people’s mouths.

I have heard first hand accounts of where the individual’s school head teacher would blurt out disrespectful comments such as; “Well that was a load of crap…” and burst into laughter. This was in response to concerns raised or ideas shared.

This is where the line of respect has been crossed and no consideration of people’s individual sensitivities had been placed.

This is not acceptable at all.

Meeting about another member of staff

There are however, meetings I’ve attended where discussions definitely don’t invite banter as very serious matters are discussed.

Many years ago, when I was a teaching assistant, I worked with several year groups and did small group interventions.

During a class trip, something happened that completely shocked and angered me…

It was an event I could not ignore and my voice was needed in a meeting which I had requested with the head teacher and the deputy head.

I was fairly new to the school and the teacher I was on a trip with, had worked at the school for decades.

She had seen many changes, yet the heart of the policies remained the same.

Children are to be safeguarded, treated fairly, taught the curriculum and any additional needs met.

The teacher was sat next to a student, let’s call him James on the public bus as we returned back to our school.

I was sat a few rows back with students from my group.

The bus was packed with some passengers standing, yet all children and staff could be seen.

I was in the middle of talking to a student when all of a sudden…

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