We have to stop waiting until the last minute to ask the people who want to help us for help.

I’m the worst at this. And I finally figured out why.

For years, when I asked people for help and they gave me negative energy, I made one quiet, poisonous assumption: nobody wants to help me. But that wasn’t true. I was just asking the wrong people. And I let the wrong people’s reaction write a story about everybody — that I was on my own, that reaching out only led to rejection, so why bother.

I’ve been on both sides of this, and the other side is where it finally clicked.

I wait until the last minute to ask for help — as a last resort — and by then it’s either too late, or it puts a real strain on whoever’s trying to help me. I’ve done that to good people. But I’ve also had it done to me, and watching it from the other chair is what taught me the lesson.

Somebody asked me to help him find a place to play overseas. Here’s the thing — if he’d come to me in April, I probably could’ve made it happen. He came to me in August. By then it was too late.

So I asked him: why’d you wait?

His answer stopped me. He said, “I was trying to figure it out on my own. I didn’t want to inconvenience you.”

But I wanted to help him. I wanted to see him win. I didn’t mind being inconvenienced on his behalf — not even a little. He was trying to protect me from something I would’ve gladly given. And in trying to spare me the inconvenience, he cost us both the win.

That’s when the whole thing came together for me.

Real help is often inconvenient. That’s just the nature of it — if it were easy and cost nothing, you wouldn’t need help, you’d just do it yourself. Help, by definition, asks something of the person giving it.

Which means the people who really rock for you — the ones who really care — don’t mind being inconvenienced for you. That’s not a bug in real relationships. That’s the whole proof. Being okay with the inconvenience is how you know the help is real.

So two things I’m working on, and I’ll leave you with both:

Stop asking the wrong people — and stop letting their “no” convince you nobody’s in your corner. And stop protecting the right people from the inconvenience they’d gladly take on for you. Ask them. Early. Before it’s a last resort.

Real help is often inconvenient. Real helpers are okay being inconvenienced. Go find yours — and let them be one.

Carl asked me what most athletes are too scared to say out loud: “But what if I fail?”

Here’s what I told him — and what I wish someone had told me years ago:

You will fail. That’s not pessimism. That’s physics. You’re human. Failure is guaranteed.

The weight you’re carrying? It’s not from the failures you’ve had. It’s from the delusion that you can somehow avoid the ones coming.

You can’t.

But here’s the freedom in that: once you accept that failure is part of the deal, it loses its power over you. You stop playing scared. You stop second-guessing. You stop shrinking.

You fail, you learn, you adjust, you keep moving.

That’s the game.

Competitive sport will humble you. Life will humble you. The question isn’t if you’ll fail — it’s whether you’ll let failure stop you or teach you.

Most athletes spend more energy trying to avoid failure than they do learning how to process it. That’s backwards.

You can’t outrun failure. But you can outlast it.

So stop tripping. Fail forward. And keep competing.

— Nick

"Play like a child."

Let me tell you about two moments when this advice changed everything.

When the Stakes Couldn't Be Higher

The first call came from Nique Clifford. He was deep in the pre-draft process - traveling city to city, workout after workout. The stress was eating him alive. Every drill mattered. Every conversation with coaches could determine his future. The anxiety was through the roof.

The second call was from Demetrius Underwood, a player I've trained and mentored. He was playing in the TBT tournament on national television. Winner take all - a million dollars split between the team. The pressure was suffocating.

To both of them, I sent the same picture: two children playing basketball with pure, unfiltered joy.

The Picture That Changes Everything

Look at that image. We've all been there. Remember when you were there?

You weren't worried about what they said on Twitter. You weren't stressed about proving to coaches you deserved a scholarship. You weren't calculating draft projections or money. You were just worried about hooping.

You were with your squad. You wanted to get better. You wanted to try those moves you practiced, the ones you saw on TV. You wanted to win so you could have bragging rights, only to wake up the next day and do it all again.

That was basketball in its purest form.

Success Leaves Clues

I've been blessed to be around greatness. I helped recruit Tyrese Haliburton to Iowa State. I've worked with Tyrese Maxey since his high school days, helping with workouts in the weight room and on the court.

Both have amassed hundreds of millions of dollars. Both perform under unimaginable pressure. Both have something in common that most elite athletes lose along the way:

They never lost their childhood joy.

Maybe - just maybe - the reason they can navigate the sometimes nasty waters of competitive basketball is exactly that. While others get consumed by pressure, they remember what it felt like to just love playing.

The Challenge

Here's the real test: Can you get back to that place with everything on the line?

When the cameras are rolling, when money's involved, when your future hangs in the balance - can you access that same pure love you had as a kid?

Most athletes can't. They get so caught up in the external pressure that they forget why they started playing in the first place. They lose the joy, and when you lose the joy, you lose your edge.

The Competitive Advantage of Joy

Success leaves clues, and this might be the most important one: No matter what the pressure, no matter what's at stake, always remember this is a child's game.

That childhood joy isn't just feel-good motivation. It's a competitive weapon. When you play with pure love, you play fearlessly. When you play fearlessly, you play at your highest level.

The athletes who maintain that joy? They're the ones who thrive when others crumble.

Your Assignment

When's the last time you played with that pure joy? When's the last time you stepped on the court just because you loved the game?

That feeling - that's your secret weapon. Guard it. Nurture it. Never let the pressure steal it from you.

Because at the end of the day, no matter how much money is on the line, no matter what the expectations are, this will always be a child's game.

And child's games are best played like a child.

Ready to rediscover your competitive joy? Get your copy of "Underdog" and learn how to play with the fearless mindset that separates champions from everyone else.

Here's the reality: It's hard to get to the right direction when you surround yourself with and follow the wrong people - low-level friends.

❌ Think of it this way: - Low-level relationships = Painkillers ⚡ - High-level relationships = Surgeons 🔪

The Surgery vs. Painkiller Principle I came across this powerful quote that perfectly captures this concept:

Truth is like surgery. It hurts but it heals.

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A lie is like a painkiller - it gives instant relief, but has side effects forever.

💊➡️⚰️ High-level friends see the best in you, want the best for you, and are committed to ensuring the best comes out of you, even if that means they have to tell you tough truths - surgery.

🏆 Your Underdog Call to Action 📢

a) Bulletproof your feelings and acquire high-level friends🛡️

b) Never delay gratitude - share this with your high-level friends and attach a note of gratitude

🙏 Remember: When people see the best in you and want the best for you, they won't stop until the best comes out of you.

-Need mindset mentoring for your competitive journey? Let's connect. 🤝]

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Too many competitors fall short not because they lack skill but because they aren’t mentally and emotionally preparedto chase greatness.

If that’s you, read this and read it twice.

The Road to Mastery 🛣️

To chase greatness, you must commit to mastery. But before you reach that level, you’ll have to push through a tough stage that most people don’t survive—failure awareness.

What Is Failure Awareness? 🤔

Failure awareness is when you start seeing all the areas you fall short. It’s not that you suddenly got worse—it’s that you’re finally recognizing the flaws that were always there. This is a critical moment because if you aren’t careful, you’ll start thinking:

"Damn, I keep messing up… Maybe I’m not built for this."

Nah. That’s cap. 🚫

The fact that you’re aware of your weaknesses means you’re actually making progress.

Why Failure Means You’re Winning 🏆

If you’re working toward mastery, failure isn’t a sign to stop—it’s proof that you’re moving forward.

🔹 If you never see your weaknesses, you’re not improving.
🔹 If you run from failure, you’ll never reach your potential.
🔹 If you embrace the struggle, you’ll separate yourself from the competition.

Prepare Yourself Mentally & Emotionally 🧠❤️

Greatness isn’t just about skill work—it’s about having the emotional toughness to keep going when failure feels personal. The difference between the good and the great?

👉 The good stop when they fail.
👉 The great use failure as fuel.

So as you chase mastery, don’t just expect failure—welcome it. That’s the only way to level up.

THE BLUEPRINT 🗺️ Competitive maturity is shown by your response to those that are more accomplished, naturally gifted, and/or harder working than you are.

While those that are immature and lack humility and are insecure will hate on those who are further along, naturally gifted, and/or harder workers.

THE MOVE 📈 I'm sure you have heard the term, "don't hate, congratulate" well the competitively humble and secure do not only congratulate, they also emulate.

In this clip, Austin Rivers, who was one of the top hoopers in the country was exposed to Brandon Jennings who was the best player in the country. Not only that, he was more committed, more mature and harder working.

Rivers went on to have a dominant high school and college career which led to a long lasting NBA career. Maybe, his secure, mature and humble response to being exposed to Brandon Jennings was the foundation for his competitive success. The question is: when that next-level achiever steps into your path, are you gonna let pride block your blessing or let humility build your legacy? 💯

Let me hit you with that real that's gonna sting but make you better:

The Mirror Check 🪞

• When the next person levels up, you hating or emulating?

• You claim you're built for greatness but keep dodging the ones who could show you what it looks like. Make it make sense.

• How many blessings you blocked because your ego was talking louder than your purpose?

• Last time you took notes on someone's playbook instead of hating from the sidelines?

The Growth Zone 📈

• That person making you feel small right now? They're your personal measuring stick for greatness.

• What skills you sleeping on because your pride won't let you be a student?

• Imagine where you'd be if you flipped your competition into your classroom - that's that next level thinking.

• Straight up: when excellence walks in your door, you building walls or bridges?

THE FLIP 🔄 Behind every great achiever there is someone they looked up to that was at one point greater than them. Their response to these great achievers themselves is what allowed them to reach greatness themselves. That said, the great people in your life that could tempt you to be insecure and hate, are instead put in your life to serve as a personal road map to lead you to reach greatness yourself.

The Legacy Question 🏆 Listen - these ain't just questions, they're your character check. Every giant you look up to had to face these same mirrors. From the block to the boardroom, from the court to the corner office - your response shapes your legacy.

Remember this: Today's intimidation is tomorrow's inspiration. The same ones making you feel small could be the blueprint to make you stand tall. That ain't just talk - that's transformation.

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🎯 The Prime Time Perspective

There's something powerful in the way Deion Sanders thinks about greatness. I've been studying Coach Prime lately – not just as a football mind, but as someone who's mastered the art of excellence. And let me tell you, he dropped a gem that hit different.

"I don't expect my kids to be the best. I just demand that they give their best."

Let that sink in for a minute.

👑 The GOAT's Secret

Here's Prime Time himself – a man who revolutionized two professional sports, who's widely considered the greatest cornerback ever, who's now transforming college football culture – telling us that being the best was never his focus. Instead, his secret was giving his best, every single day, every single play.

That's the perspective pivot we've been missing.

🗣️ Real Talk

See, I'm out here watching people move through life, and I hear it all the time: "I want to be the best to ever do it." "I'm gonna be the best on the team." "Watch me become the best in the state."

But here's the real talk: I'm watching these same people day in and day out, and the math ain't mathing. They're talking about being the best while giving about 60% effort. They're dreaming about the mountain top while taking the escalator.

💯 The Truth About Greatness

What Coach Prime understands – what made him the GOAT of GOATs – is that greatness isn't about comparing yourself to others. It's about competing with yourself, about maximizing every ounce of potential you've got.

Think about it: when you're chasing "being the best," you're playing somebody else's game. You're measuring yourself against external standards that you can't control. But when you focus on giving your best? That's all you. That's something you can control, something you can push to new levels every single day.

🔑 The Key to Excellence

The irony? This is exactly how Prime became the best. By not focusing on being the best, but by committing to giving his best – every practice, every game, every opportunity.

So maybe it's time we all take a page from Prime's playbook. Stop obsessing over being the best, and start obsessing over giving your best. Because when you give your absolute best consistently, being the best might just happen as a byproduct.

That's the real game-changer. That's the difference maker. That's the mindset of a true champion.

Nick Graham is the author of "Underdog" and "God X Basketball". Follow more of his insights on sports, culture, and excellence on the Underdog Blog. 📚✍️

#UnderdogMindset #CoachPrime #Excellence #SportsCulture #Motivation

In this compelling episode, we feature Christian Davis, a senior college basketball player at Bradley University. Davis shares his remarkable journey from being an overlooked high school player to becoming a Division II walk-on, and eventually earning a scholarship at Bradley. His evolution from a seldom-used bench warmer to a significant contributor averaging over 27 minutes per game as a junior is nothing short of inspirational.

As Davis heads into his senior year, he opens up about the mental hurdles he must overcome to achieve competitive fulfillment. Host Nick Graham pivots Davis's perspective, gearing him up to be his most aggressive and best competitive self for the upcoming season. Nick also urges Davis, along with our listeners, to take time to celebrate themselves along their competitive journeys.

Davis also acknowledges how Nick’s book, Underdog, has been instrumental in developing the proper mental perspective to excel on the court. This episode is a deep dive into the resilience, grit, and determination required to thrive as an underdog.

Tune in to discover:

- How to find a safe space to process competitive feelings.

- Strategies to bounce back from setbacks and failures.

- Ways to revive and fuel your competitive spirit.

- The importance of celebrating small victories along your journey.

About Nick Graham:

Nick Graham's journey from college athlete to basketball trainer is full of the ups and downs that define the underdog experience. Since 2005, he has dedicated himself to helping others find their strength in tough times.

Connect with Us:

- Instagram: InspiredByNickGraham

- Twitter: CultureOrDie

- Get Underdog by Nick Graham: nickgraham.org

-Grab some cool merch: Underdog Merch

Join us for an episode packed with inspiration, practical advice, and heartfelt stories that will empower you to embrace your underdog journey and pursue competitive fulfillment with relentless determination.

Despite overcoming significant obstacles to reach his goal of playing college hoops, Kham's basketball career came to an abrupt and painful end when he rolled his car in a devastating wreck. He severely damaged his hand, suffered brain damage, and came within centimeters of dying. Kham candidly discusses the post-career depression he faced and how he found new passions off the court, ultimately thriving and finding joy in his life.

Throughout this authentic and emotional conversation, Kham bravely talks about his mental health journey and his darkest times. He also relates his experiences to chapters in Nick's book "Underdog," exploring how the book inspired and encouraged him. This episode is a powerful testament to resilience, courage, and the pursuit of happiness against all odds.

Connect & Learn More:

-📘 Explore "Underdog" by Nick Graham: Purchase Here

- Unlock insights to strengthen yourself mentally and emotionally on your competitive journey.

-🔗 Perspective Coaching: Ready to level up? Connect with me for personalized coaching.

-💬 Join the Conversation: Share your thoughts in the comments. How do you stay committed to your goals?

Stay Connected:

-🌐 Website: Visit Nick Graham's Website - Dive deeper into perspective coaching.

📱 Follow on Instagram: @inspiredbynickgraham for daily inspiration. 🐦 Follow on Twitter: @Cultureordie for updates and insights. 👕 Check out Merch: Explore Nick Graham's merch collection here. Subscribe & Stay Empowered: Don't miss out on more empowering content! Hit the subscribe button and turn on notifications. Let's empower each other to unlock our potential and thrive together! Share this video with someone who needs a winning mindset. Together, we rise!

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In this episode of "Underdog," we delve into the essential topic of coping with challenges and setbacks while striving to achieve ambitious life goals. The podcast emphasizes the significance of understanding and cultivating healthy coping mechanisms as a crucial aspect of personal development and success.

The host opens the discussion by highlighting the inevitability of encountering obstacles and disappointments when pursuing ambitious endeavors, whether in sports, personal growth, entrepreneurship, or career advancement. The journey towards success often involves facing numerous "no's," failures, and emotional hurdles.

The central message underscores the necessity of establishing effective coping strategies beforehand. Without proactive attention to coping mechanisms, individuals can become vulnerable to negative responses when setbacks occur. The podcast stresses the importance of addressing these coping methods before they are urgently needed, ensuring that individuals are equipped to manage challenges in constructive ways.

Listeners are encouraged to reflect on their own coping mechanisms and consider how they can nurture resilience and emotional well-being in preparation for pursuing their ambitions. By focusing on developing healthy coping strategies, individuals can navigate obstacles more effectively, stay motivated, and sustain their pursuit of personal and professional goals.

This episode of "Underdog" provides valuable insights into the emotional aspect of achievement and underscores the proactive approach to maintaining mental strength and well-being on the path to success.

In the midst of our busy lives, it's crucial to take a moment to reflect on how we cope with stress and challenges. Developing healthy coping mechanisms is key to nurturing our mental well-being. Let's commit to being mindful of our mental health and explore positive ways to navigate life's ups and downs. #MentalHealthAwarenessMonth #HealthyCoping #MindfulLiving

Their chat is inspired by Nick's book "Underdog," which is all about rising above when you feel low. Nick shares stories to help you handle life's lemons and turn them into lemonade.

In "Underdog," you'll:

• Find a safe space to deal with competitive feelings.

• Learn how to bounce back from setbacks and failures.

• Get fired up to revive your competitive spirit.

• Feel supported and motivated on your underdog journey.

About Nick Graham: Nick's journey from college athlete to basketball trainer is full of ups and downs, just like the athletes he supports. Since 2005, he's been committed to helping others find their strength during tough times.

Connect with us: Instagram: InspiredByNickGraham Twitter: CultureOrDie Get "Underdog" by Nick Graham: nickgraham.org More Links: Nick Graham FlowCode Grab some cool merch: Nick Graham Merch

- 🌟 Embrace the Underdog Spirit: Harness that invisible underdog soul and compete with a growth mindset, not a fixed one.

- 💪 Rise Above Assumptions: Don't let others' perceptions box you in. While many may assume you're stuck, prove them wrong with your commitment to growth.

- 📈 Level Up Lifestyle: For underdogs, leveling up isn't just a goal—it's a lifestyle. Today's version of you is just the beginning; tomorrow's will be even better.

- 🚀 Underdog Oath: From now on, I'll shrug off those who underestimate me. With my growth mindset, I'll keep evolving, surprising everyone with the new and improved me.

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Join us on our mini podcast as we delve into the intricacies of reaching your full potential in life amidst the challenges of competition, curiosity, and self-discovery. In this episode, we explore the delicate balance of curiosity and the art of asking the right questions, all while navigating the minefield of others' insecurities. Our discussion delves into the necessity of loneliness and isolation as we cultivate the deep roots essential for success, despite the darkness and dirtiness often associated with this process. Featuring insights from myself, Nick Graham, author of "Underdog," and Terrence "Shump" Hamilton, an underdog contributor, we unpack the misconceptions and labels that can hinder our journey, empowering listeners to embrace the transformative power of perseverance and self-awareness.

Purchase "Underdog" the book

Underdog Merch

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I was asked on a podcast if I was a thriver or a survivor. After pondering, I concluded, like any other underdog, I am both. I believe that for anyone committed to reaching their potential, in order to ultimately thrive, you have to develop the internal resilience to find a way to survive life's most painful punches.

Connect with us: Instagram | Twitter

Purchase "Underdog" by Nick Graham

Underdog, to give yourself the best chance to reach your goals healthily, make sure you establish a strong mental foundation that allows you to first gain mental muscle, and then maintain the mental muscle you've worked so hard to gain.

Purchase Underdog the Book

Underdog, listen carefully to these power thoughts:

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"You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, and there's still going to be somebody who hates peaches." -Unknown. So true, right? While that’s a fact, we cannot let that get under our skin. After all, not everyone can appreciate the sweetness of a peach.

Denzel once dropped a bar when he said: "Some people will never like you because your spirit irritates their demons." Simiarly, Coach Prime, Deion Sanders claimed, "Don’t let my confidence offend your insecurities."

📖 Underdog 🍋

Deion and Denzel’s words of wisdom align with what I mentioned in the book, Underdog: 25% don't like you and never will, 25% will ride with you only when you're trending up, another 25% will ditch you when the limelight fades, and finally, there's that precious 25% – the ride-or-die crew. Those are your committed friends, the rare breed. Cherish them.

Meek Mill rapped, "They wanna see me fall, and I will never sell my soul." That's the spirit we need – staying true to ourselves, and never allowing those that don’t like sweet peaches to influence us and who we are.

Lastly, a lesson in keeping it real. Ever heard of "The 48 Laws of Power"? It says, "Everyone feels insecure from time to time. The moment you reveal yourself to the world and display your talents, you inherently stir up all kinds of resentment, jealousy, and further manifestations of insecurity. This is normal. You cannot spend your life bothering about the little emotions of others. Moreover, you don’t need everyone’s love and approval.”- Whew!!!

For the sake of your underdog destiny, please be empowered by these collection of powerful quotes and move forward knowing, you don't need, nor will you receive everyone's love and approval, especially when you're doing right.

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Jay-Z once rapped, “First they love me, then they hate me, then they love me again.” Essentially, J is saying that people change up. That being the case, as we reach our potential, we must not concern ourselves with, nor respond to those that hate on us and dislike how we move as we commit to doing righteous work.

As we celebrate MLK today, we can also learn from him and how he handled the unjust and unwarranted hate he received. His life epitomizes what Jay-Z rapped about—how most, as we pursue justice, live righteously, and do our part to be our best and make the world a better place, will change up, and the love will at some point become hate.

Years after MLK’s iconic “I Have A Dream” speech, King was voted as one of the most hated people in America. If that’s not bad enough, after his assassination, 1/3 of the country felt King brought his assassination on himself!

While that was the case then—the hate, currently, you’d be hard-pressed to find someone that does not regard King Jr., who many refer to as the “drum major for justice,” as one of the best humanitarians to ever live—the love.

Amongst the many other examples King provides, his response to hate and inaccurate criticism by others is one that we must pay attention to. King, while imprisoned for fighting for justice and equality for African-Americans, wrote his “Letter From A Birmingham Jail.”

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In King’s letter, he mentions, “If I sought to answer all of the criticisms that cross my desk, my secretaries would be engaged in little else in the course of the day, and I would have no time for constructive work.”

Many of us struggle with not being liked or approved by others. King, a humanitarian hero for us all, proves the quote, “You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, and there’s still going to be somebody who hates peaches” to be true. Despite being on the humanitarian Mt. Rushmore with the likes of Gandhi and Nelson Mandela and sacrificing his life for not only justice for African-Americans but anyone who was oppressed, King was indeed “a peach”; in spite of that, he was still hated by most of the country at one point, despite his commitment to live and die for what was right.

📖 Underdog🍋

Even still, he was able to fight his fights, and the reason he was is that he was unbothered and unresponsive to the criticisms of those who, in a sense, would never like peaches. As King correctly concluded in his letter, had he been bothered by the criticisms of those who hated him, he would have been hijacked of the time needed to do his constructive work. I believe each and every one of us has “constructive work” that needs to be done to make the world around us a better place. If we are to do our work, we must, like King, do our work unbothered by those who hate us for living and doing right. If not, our needed work will not be done.

Happy MLK day to you all! I encourage you to find the time to read MLK’s “Letter from A Birmingham Jail" here.

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Take Aways:

🗣Successful people fail too!

🎯Most often, it’s not the failure that disqualifies you from your destiny, but your response to it or lack thereof that does.

🍋When you fail, as “Ocho” states, 1) look yourself in the mirror 2) go back to the drawing board 3) start small 4) be disciplined and consistent and chop wood!

🔑Like Unc, Shannon Sharpe said, no failures, just delays.

• 💡Rules for being human tell us that there are no mistakes in life, only lessons to be learned.

• 💡Spencer Johnson tells us that when we learn from our mistakes, we are allowed to throw them away - LEARN, LET GO, MOVE ON!!!

🍋 Underdog 📖

Full clip from the Unc & Ocho Podcast

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