Who are you? What kind of person are you? Are you a ‘to be’ or ‘to do’

Unfortunately I am ‘to be’ kind of person, however I am trying to convert to ‘to do’.

In short ‘to be’ are the kind of people who would like to be called a writer, an actor, or a singer. They love to fantasize about being the successful version of themselves but they never take a step forward. This people love to be glorified and be called great in their industry but also they hate taking action. Because doing the thing is not as easy or fun as being the thing, even if they decided to start taking action, reality will slap them in the ass they will realize doing is hard, its not as easy as cuddling your pillow and fantasizing.

The Risk of staying in ‘to be’ mode

Before I wrote my first book I used to tell people that I am going to write a book, and they would all support me they say “wow that’s a really good idea, Danny you are so smart” … the feedback I got from people made me feel as if I finished my book and already became a top selling writer.

I decided to start, I opened my journal to write, I started staring at the blank page teasing with my pen and day dreaming about how good I am going to feel once I finish writing it. I refocused and hold the pen near the paper hoping to write, but nothing I waited and waited still nothing I could not write a single sentence, not even a word. At that moment I realized writing didn’t provoke the same feeling I got from imagination.

After that I never wrote a single word for months. I thought I was not skilled or creative enough to write so I stated reading books on how to write a book, I would watch tutorials, this was my usual day just consumed by consumption. I spent months on this state always feeling like I am not ready yet to start.

Tutorials, daily routines may give you the feeling of progress but its just numbs the part of your brain that feels guilty for not creating. Stop focusing on the skill acquisition, start first and

“Grow through what you go through”

On the opposite side of the spectrum there are ‘to do’ people. To do people are the ones who act when others dream. This people are action oriented, the love the doing than being the thing. Most often this are the people who create beautiful arts or life changing inventions. They don’t care about being called xyz, because they are busy with doing the thing.

So

Which side are you gonna be to do or to be?

You can’t have a life with no regrets!

I know this post could end here, but something side me says I need to share a personal story with you.

There was a time where i used to wake up before dawn, consumed by a dream that burned inside me, to become a footballer at the highest level. Every day, I poured myself into training eight hours, sometimes more until my legs ached and my lungs burned. Football was my heartbeat, and it carried me through every struggle. Until a life changing opportunity came knocking on my foor.

one day, an offer came, a chance to play at the big leagues. I felt like i was once step into living my dream, i couldn’t believe it after all those years of training, it was finally within reach. My heart was racing I felt this explosion of possibility, like every dream I’d ever had was about to come true.

But along with that dream, came a different life , one with constant travel, endless pressure, and a distance from the people I loved. And so, I chose differently. I declined the offer, and I began to write. At first, I was haunted by the life i could have had if i signed the contract, “What if I had stepped onto that stadium field, hearing the roar of a crowd, feeling that moment of pure recognition? What if I hadn’t gave up on greatness?” This thought kept me up all night for weeks i couldn’t sleep , then a big shift happened overnight.

i started to recognise a diffrent kind of greatness found jn small moments. I stated appriciating the samall things in life, the morning walks with my family, the moments of sitting down at my desk, writing just because I loved it and many more. Then it clicked.

Now, I see it more clearly. I know that, even if I chose the path to greatness, that lingering regret would still follow me. And so, for all of you reading this, I want you to know:

You can’t choose a life without regrets.

Whether you leave a job, stay in it, move to a new city, or stay put there will always be some regret. But life is about choosing the path that aligns with your values, doing the things that excites you, and then accepting that you can’t live every possible life.

And in that acceptance, you learn to sit with the uncertainty, knowing that every path holds its own gifts and losses.In that raw honesty, you find a quiet kind of belonging a sense that, even with the “what ifs,” you are exactly where you need to be.

Hear me out,

Everybody is on self-improvement. Many of us are on that journey, and we’re told that it’s the highest virtue. We’re told to constantly fix our face, exercise, grind, meditate, and optimize every part of our lives. But there is a line between, self-care and self-obsession, and most of the time, we cross it without even realizing it.

Before i knew better

When I started my journey, I followed the “self-improvement” script religiously. I would exercise, meditate, journal all of that. On the outside, it looks like I was getting better, but on the inside, I was becoming a prisoner to my own reflection.

​I became hyper-aware of everything. In conversations, I wasn’t just listening to the other person; I was in my head asking myself “Do I look like I’m listening? Am I speaking well? How do I look right now?.. blah blah blah … i was constantly monitoring myself. Now that i look back on it i wasn’t actually growth it was suffering. This prepetual striving for growth, made me feel like shit constantly and it made emotionally stuck. What’s worse is while i was occupied with meaningless work, i started to get distanced from those i loved.

I was out there giving 100% of my time and energy and to the hustle, to the gym, the work. But every time I walked through my front door, I was empty.

To the people who mattered most(my family) I gave them the bare leftovers of my energy. Without realizing it I was prioritizing “success” over my family.

Even worse i would always feel insecure with my current self, even after achieving most things i desired. i was still unsatisfied.

Here’s the hard truth we all need to face:

Not all self-improvement comes from love. A lot of it comes from self-rejection, It’s actually self-hatred in a fancy suit. Most of us myself included, we try to improve ourselves from a constant rejection of our current identity or status. We let the feeling of not being good enough to be our engine.

Think about this:

If we were to freeze time right this second, there is absolutely nothing you could do to change yourself. You can’t go to the gym in frozen time; you can’t make more money or be with “that person” In that frozen moment, the only thing you can do is accept yourself exactly as you are.

So here’s what a healthy self care looks like:

1. The first and most important thing is Self-acceptance. Its crucial because you can’t improve yourself without accepting yourself first. Otherwise it will be escaping or rejecting you. Realize you are Good enough even without all the things you don’t have.

2. Have an Internal locus of control.

   Having an internal locus of control, instead of an external one, means you don’t let outside events dictate your worth. But When you rely on an external locus of control, you feel like a passenger in your own life. You might blame your circumstances, your boss, or just bad luck, and that leaves you feeling helpless and stuck, waiting for something outside yourself to change before you do. So, ground yourself in an internal locus of control and suddenly, you become the author of your own path.

3. Do it from love. You know Self-growth should nourish you, not turn you into a never-ending repair project. So Treat yourself with the same patience, care, and compassion you’d give to someone you love.

I hope this encouraged you to look inward and have a new approach for self growth.

Everybody nowadays is on a path of self-improvement, chasing happiness or success.

As much as this sounds nice on the surface, it’s actually leading all of us into

a slow, dreadful death.

Let me start from the beginning.

After Adam and Eve ate the forbidden fruit, God asked Adam where he was, to which

Adam replied, “I heard your voice in the garden, and I was afraid because I was ‘naked.’”

God asked, “Who told you that you were naked?” Adam had self-consciousness, but he didn’t have

self-awareness. He didn’t have that self-reflective mirror. In short, he didn’t have that voice

that rumbles in our head that say ‘you’re not good enough or your face looks like a crumbled soda can’. I want to show you the beginning of our suffering it started after we became “self-aware” It wasn’t our default mode; it was a curse as a result of listening to the deceiving lie of the Devil.

However, now we treat this curse as some virtue, as something worth being or doing.

We don’t see that our self-awareness is the root of all our suffering.

You can not show me a joyful fullfilled self-obsessed person. They don’t exist. Instead you see this people beign more isolated, unsatisfied despite having a lot of money and other resourcess.

For fun, I asked Gemini (AI) what it would do if it were an evil entity trying to control the world.

The answer came as a shock. It said: “I would make people focus on themselves more, and I would make them chase ‘success’ that could never come. I would also make them insecure about everything, and I would distract them from realizing the truth.”

And it went on and on, but what shocked me is the fact that this is already what’s been done to society. We see it everywhere whether its a work of the ‘Devil’ or not we are already cooked.

So I encourage you to detach yourself from your ego and do things that get you out of your head, like talking to real people, touching grass, and for the love of God stop saying “me, me, me.”