I rolled up to English class and I sat down. It was 4 period… I think? It was January 2003. Then, Tom Galton showed up as well. “Yo” he said. I said “Hey Tom”. “Did you see that he has a special thing for today?” Tom says. I said “Yeah, I think so, but I don’t know what, but…” And, all of a sudden, Mr. Russo walks in and says “All right, class - sit down, sit down. Sit down, people”. And Tom says “I guess we did!” And we snickered and laughed, because Mr. Russo was in a pissy pissy mood.

“All right - I don’t know why I thought this was fun, but yesterday I thought it was a good idea play a song. Why? Who knows. But, now it’s here. So… we’re going to listen to it. Let me pull up my CD player…” as he fumbled with the CD player.

“All right, people. Hey, sit down! All right - we’re going to listen to it and then we’re going to react. Take notes or whatever, but it’s a good song so there’s that. Here we go…” says Mr. Russo. It was a song called “Everything Reminds Me of My Dog” by Jane Siberry. So, for me and Tom it was brand spanking new.

It started, no music yet… and it’s kind of feels like a new age-ey rock song? Me and Tom were giggling. Then all of a sudden the lyrics started…

Everything reminds me of my dog

The guy in the store reminds me of my dog

Telephones remind me of my dog, yoohoo

Taxicabs remind me of my dog

“What is happening right now.” I said chuckling. Tom now laughing, but you know quietly, and he said “I have no idea… but it’s gold”. And then the chorus hit… It kind of feels like a country singer? I don’t know and to this day I never knew…

If you remind me of my dog

We’ll probably git along little doggie

Git along git along little doggie git a–

Me and Tom were shocked and we cannot keep it together. We’re laughing out loud, but still shocked. All of a sudden, Mr. Russo looked at the two of us… usually me and Tom are very quiet and reserved. We liked Mr Russo. In fact, we loved Mr. Russo. We loved him because it was so bizarre. So, for him to see us just laughing out loud… he felt like it was sad for him. We saw him and we shut up… for just a minute. Then, he did his papers… or the newspaper? Like I said Mr. Russo is very strange.

“What is this Mr. Russo doing? And this singer… my god” I said. Tom giggled again. I’m in the second verse started - get ready…

Smiling at strangers reminds me of my dog

(Better let them know you’re friendly)

The way people dress reminds me too

Pissing on their favorite tree

Sad things remind me of my dog

Cockroaches and other insects

Reminds me too, don’t eat them

The blank expression of the little boy with thick glasses

Who picks himself up from the sidewalk

And stands there blinking in the sun

Ho oh!

We can’t keep it together. We were laughing non-stop. And look… again, we love Mr Russo. But what the fuck, Mr. Russo. He would actually ask himself “come on, Mr Russo”... but it just depends on the day. Again, he was staring at me and Tom. Mr. Russo was glaring and the two of us. Tom and I were very quiet.

The chorus and in the bridge and the pre-chorus - more the same. Which is to say: incredible. But then all the sudden the post chorus… well let me show you…

Me and my ferocious dog

We’re walking down the street

And everyone we meet says

“Ach yer a goot doggie!”

“Ach yer a goot doggie!”

“Ach yer a goot doggie!”

At that point, even the class - who’s usually pretty quiet - was in stitches. Ach yer a goot doggie! Ach yer a goot doggie! What the fuck, man! What. The. Fuck. The whole class erupted and laughter. But Mr. Russo was quiet, still in a irritable mood, like I said, and a little bit perturbed.

The song is done now. Mr Russo says “all right, all right - knock it off… knock it off! Hey! I said knock it off!” but the class can’t keep it together. And Mr. Russo - god bless you Mr Russo - what was he thinking. I’m actually asking… and the answer is: who the fuck knows.

“All right - knock it off, knock it off” said Mr. Russo. Five minutes of laughter and Mr Russo was pissed. The class finally wound down. And Mr. Russo said “All right, all right - so, like I said… I don’t know what I was expecting… but this was not it… but, for the life of me, I cannot remember why? So… I don’t know? Let’s scrap it and let’s turn to page 47 in your literature texts”.

We never even had a discussion about it. And me and Tom were in the clear.

Until next time.

Last week, we saw the Foo Fighters and Queens of the Stone Age at Lincoln Financial Field in Philadelphia, PA. And it was pretty great. The Foo Fighters played for two and a half or three hours - which is actually nuts. It was a good time by all. Then I thought about it and I realized that I saw the Foo Fighters 25(-ish) years ago in the Roseland Ballroom in NYC. My body took me back…

It was 2000 in November. And, my god, did I love the Foo Fighters back then as well… maybe even more so. It was a Monday I was walking to school and then I called my dad just to check in (way before we had cell phones) and he said that he got tickets for three of them. …And what I like to go tonight. …And who would I want to bring. So, without question, I said Tom Galton. Then the keys rolled up and my mom was also there. I told her while my dad was on the phone and then she took over… and I got ready. And then I guess she called Mrs Galton? But that’s not important. Long story, me and Tom were on the train, ready to go at 5:05pm. And we are very very excited.

About an hour and a half later, we were on line waiting outside Roseland. This is the first time that I have ever seen Roseland - so, for me, it was brand new. Same with Tom.

Then, an hour later, Queens of the Stone Age started playing. I never saw Queen of the Stone Age. I never even heard Queen of the Stone Age at that point, but the crowd was pumped. Also to this day I still love Queens of the Stone Age because I just enjoy it! Queens of the Stone Age, Queens of the Stone Age, Queens of the Stone Age. It just never gets old. People loved it. In the meantime, we’re hanging out and enjoying ourselves. And then all of a sudden the final song was “The Lost Art of Keeping A Secrets” and I looked at Tom and I said “Oh!! I know this one!! But I never knew who sang it! Nice!!” and Tom says “Cool!!” and my Dad just laughed. A couple days later I went to Scotti’s Record and bought their album, Rated R. And it was pretty awesome.

Go back to Roseland - half an hour later the crowd got dark… it was quiet… for people started putting their guitars and bass on and their drum sticks… They didn’t say anything… and then… they played “Aurora”. And the crowd exploded. My Dad, Tom and I were crowd surfing, and laughing out loud. When you found out that it was a big deal and a general admission show when you’re a kid? It’s just breathtaking and now you can’t do anything else but move with the music it’s kind of life-changing - I wish that I can go back there again for that first night. Back to the feeling when we got there we saw crowd surfing. I missed that.

The next song were as I would say banging. “Breakout”, “My Hero”, “I’ll Stick Around” “Big Me” . And the crowd we’re having a great time. Then “Stacked Actors” was the intro and Dave Grohl took his guitar off and then started crowd surfing. And he was coming right towards me. I thought to myself he is going to step on me… I can’t wait! And you know what? It’s exactly what he did! He wanted to go to the balcony, which he definitely did, but I was too shocked. This album of “Stacked Actors” was three minutes long? Three and a half minutes? It was ten minutes. I could not believe it. I have a picture of that Foo Fighters show but I can’t write now but someday soon I’m gonna put it up on Substack. Just you wait…

The last song of the encore would be “Everlong”. I know that song very well and I knew it back then. I love that song so much. It was jaw droppingly amazing.

Then the show was over. I was beaming. So was Tom. And I knew that we had played guitar the very next day. And my Dad said “So… did you like it?” Can we both look at my Dad and said “Duh…” Then three of us laughed. And we took the train home still, like I said, beaming.

The Foo Fighters show last week was outstanding, again. But I have fun memories of 25 years ago just as much then. Until next time.

I went down to the altar. I don’t know what I was doing, but I know my Mom and brother are not in their right minds. So, I guess it’s me. I’m terrified. I’m afraid. I’m so fucking sad. And I miss Dad more than ever… because I’m at his funeral, January 7, 2006.

I was numb. There’s been a lot of “numb” going on on Substacks, but this is it. I was numb. Over and over… I want to switch something so that my dad would be alive. But, like, I said… I’m numb.

Then all of a sudden, Father Ed, the priest, said “...and now Daniel Maxwell will give us a eulogy.” I was stuck. I couldn’t get out of this one. “Alarmed” is what I would put it. I was a sitting duck. …kill me now. But… it’s not my day to die… because it’s my Dad.

I’m sure I gave a touching and heartfelt eulogy. But I don’t know because, like I said, I kind of blacked out. I don’t think it was super long, but it’s also not short? Maybe I talked about his childhood? I think? Or maybe I talked about the studio engineering and how much my Dad loved talking about that? Or maybe playing soccer with Greg or myself? I honestly don’t know… it’s shocking to me that I don’t know.

At the end, I do remember that I played Ryan Adams song “Elizabeth, You Were Born to Play That Part” from the album 29. It was a deep track. A beautiful piece and a touching piece. From a not-good album. But that song is amazing. I didn’t remember if I read it? …or recording it? I have no idea. But, regardless, the chorus is:

Where ever you are I hope you’re happy now

I’m caught in a dream and I cant get out

I’m caught in a dream

I’m caught in an endless dream

When I was done, I looked around and people were crying upon crying. Old women, middle-aged men, babies… everyone was sobbing. Not sniffling… but weeping constantly. And then I looked at myself… with my Dad dead. And I felt nothing. I think it was blocked up, because there’s a lot of emotions at a funeral and afterwards. And right below the gut there’s some deep rooted. But it’s stuck and I don’t know when I would get out. Did I cry? Not enough… I felt nothing. So I sat down in the pew.

I’m sure Father Ed had a beautiful conclusion. And I’m sure the pallbearers were sturdy and firm. But for me? Again, I was not around. I mean I was there, 100%. But, I was not there.

Then I “woke” up at a bar talking to Tom Galton and he said “do you want to drink?” and I said “ummm… yeah, thanks…”.

Until next time

I got into Roseland Ballroom just in time to see Pretty Girls Make Graves, the first band. The party was started. In two minutes I found “my family”. It was perfect. Gillian Stoll, Mike Kingman, Thom Bennington and a lot of people who were my friend/kind of strangers? Depends on the day. And by the way I like that perfect strangers/best friend because I do that too. But just so you know, I know you are at all times. For real.

There was a few different pockets of people I knew people, I sort of knew (which was hunched down with Ali, my wife… eventually) and a lot of people don’t know, but I know one person. So, yeah. It’s a hodgepodge crew for sure. But also these are my friends. We’re all so excited because Death Cab for Cutie was the headliner. We are all the edges of our seat, waiting. It’s October 22, 2004.

We’re laughing hanging out. I think there’s beers flowing but I’m 18. So I’m driving. “Designated Dan” at your service. Then, all of a sudden, the lights dimmed. All of a sudden the guitar came in… “The Employment Pages”. Such a good song. And we’re enjoying ourselves. Laughing, singing along, and enjoying life. “We Laugh Indoors” is my favorite song. The next song is “The New Year”, which is a fucking hit. Seriously. 10 out of 10.

The crowd was fascinating. We all had phones, but we didn’t have iPhones yet - so they put it in their pocket and real life happened. Watching Death Cab for Cutie enjoying themselves. And then Death Cab for Cutie really enjoying themselves as well. It’s a win-win scenario. God, I love the Aughts.

“We Looked Like Giants” was the final setlist, but not the encore. I love that song. Hard rock, but with a hinge of sadness? Which I really enjoy. Dare to say, we are grooving?

The final song for the encore was “Transatlanticism”. Again, just perfect for that show in that space in that venue. We were over the moon. It’s a slow burn, and a “feeling it” burn. And then we were out… Thank you, Ben Gibbard and the rest of Death Cab for Cutie. You’ve done God’s work.

“So… who’s coming home with me…” I say. Mike Kingman said “me!” and Thom Bennington said “yeah, I’m down”. Gillian Stoll said “Yes, please! But I need to get some water - do you mind if we stop at a bodega?” I said “for sure!” We went for a block and a half and we found a big bodega.

We’re walking down just finding the seltzer. I know they have it but I just couldn’t find it yet and me and Thom were looking. About 5 minutes goes by we still can’t find it yet. But it’s a big supermarket inside of a bodega. And then Thom said “Hey, do you see these girls following you?” and I say “ what?” and Thom said, laughing, “yeah… I don’t know what they’re doing but they’re looking at you”. I said “Well, that’s bizarre…” and Thom said, still laughing, “Ooooh, this could be fun…” and I said “Wait ,what?? Hey! Thom come back!! I found the seltzer! We need to go!” but Thom didn’t care - he had a plan.

“Well, hello ladies. I’m Thom what might you be!” he said and I strolled up. There were four girls. And Thom did not care. I was center stage because the girls were mesmerized by me. All of a sudden, the girl said “Hi. Are you Ben Gibbard?” I laughed and I was about to say no, no; but all of a sudden Thom said “Actually, he’s his brother. Isn’t that wild?” And I looked at Thom and he looked at me proud of himself, laughing hysterically and the girls were stunned and speechless.

I said “... yeah. he’s my brother all right”. The first girl said “OMG. That’s so awesome. Do you mind if we get a picture of you?” and I said “Umm…” And Thom said “He would love that!” still laughing as Mike Kingman strolled up. So Mike said “I’ll take it!” and I looked at him and I said, deadpan, “great” has he got his picture from the girl. Thom said “say cheese!!” Then we took a picture. Four ladies and me, a lame/non-Ben Gibbard.

After finally getting The PictureTM, I say “Thank you so much. I’ll tell Ben you’re asking about him too, obviously” and the The first (and only speaking) girl said “OMG, thank you!” and then Thom, without missing a beat, said “Hey girls!! You know Death Cab for Cutie is right now showering and all that stuff, but about 12:00pm there’s going to be hanging out - so… do you want to come, when the time is right?” and I was mortified. Mike was laughing uncontrollably, but super quiet. But, Thom Bennington. My God. To the girls talked it over and then the one girl said “OMGOMG, yes!” Thom said “Great! What’s your phone number? I’ll call you when it’s good…” And then I walked away. These girls are heartbroken because of a funny joke. Just… wow.

I was paying and Thom rolled up, laughing again and so was Mike. “Hilarious” Thom said. “It was definitely something…” and I drink my seltzer, laughing. “Those poor girls though…” I said. And Mike goes “cost of doing business!!” and then everyone laughs, because you know what? They’re right. Then Gillian strolled up too. “I’m ready” said Gillian. “What was all the commotion with you guys?” I laughed and Thom said “ I’ve got a story for you…”.

Until next time.

Yesterday I was futzing around and I put something on so the TV was… there? It was the show called Halt and Catch Fire. A classic show, a really great show. Even Ali likes It. It was their fourth season; but, like said, I was doing a lot of stuff. But… do you feel like the film and the music just hits in a different way? It was the song Hole “Doll Parts”.

Okay. Hole was basically Courtney Love’s project. This was their second album, but the first that made it fucking big. And also it was 1994. Do you know what happened in 1994? Kurt Cobain died. Everyone and their mother knew that. So sad… I’m still sad about that. And I don’t like all of his songs but the ones that I do I really enjoy. And you know he was married to? Yup. Courtney fucking Love. Let’s just let that set in for a minute.

Now, I could say that I would probably read multiple books over the past 20 years, about his death and how… and why… and maybe Courtney Love maybe… kind of… sort of… killed Kurt Cobain… but. I’m not going to do that. Now, the “lore”1 is that Kurt Cobain wrote this album and then he died and she meld it to gather to make it a Hole project. I don’t actually care. It’s a great song, it’s a good album. 30+ years… who cares, you know what I mean? Because I love that song “Doll Parts”.

Also, years later, drug usage was really really difficult, and depressing… and sad. Maybe he just did kill himself, but like I said… I don’t want to talk about that today.

Back to the song, though. It was a great song - start slow, a crescendos and at the end there’s a punk rock element, but also not really? I don’t know, but it’s a great song. But then, the Halt and Catch Fire element was fucking mind blowing. In the TV show Donna (Kerry Bishé, one of the stars) was having a dinner party at her house. You think it’ll be friends, and cocktails, and having a great time… But Donna looks around and they’re strangers. Fake ass people. Donna has a cheating grin because she’s so sad… and her life is not what it once was, but all she can do is a shit eating grin? And she not happy about it. Maybe she’ll have sex with one of these guys (editor: yes, this did happen) but there’s so much tension in the room with Donna. Over the past 7 or 8 years over the course of the show and she just bottled it up. Do you know what you have that feeling? You can’t do anything? So you just bottle it up… bottle it up… and bottle it up… and then one day you will explode? And you can try to fix that. You can’t do that because it’s a TV show. But then, all of a sudden, you thought about the music… and then blend it together to make this? That.

I love music-and-film as a fan. Not “I like music” and “I like film”, but I like music in film. There’s something else that is just… magic. …and I will agree I do not like that word for a lot of things, but this is… this is just fucking magic. And I think that is what was Halt and Catch Fire/Hole tries to say in this TV show.

Until next time.

It was late-spring/early-summer 2019. And I was killing time before the airport in San Francisco. I’m heading home from New Jersey. I took a later flight because it’s way cheaper, so I have 7 hours just… like I said, killing time. So, I’m finally stopped to go to the movies.

The new movies, which was AMC Metreon 16, was a brand new, state of the art movie theater. Or at least the last five years. It was pretty great. I was on the phone with Ali, my wife. I said “well, that sucks…” and Ali said “what?” and I said “well there’s no original stories here - they’re all remakes or sequels”. Ali said “wow, that does suck” and I said “well… I lied. I also haven’t seen Soul. But it’s an animated cartoon, so I’m not going to see that” and Ali said “fair fair” and then I said, laughing, “I guess I’ll see John Wick 3: Parabellum” and she laughed and she said “why not?? go see that!!!” and I’m still laughing said “well, I haven’t seen the first two…” and Ali said “Dan. I think you’ll be fine” and then we laughed, so I bought a ticket and heading to theater.

I watch the trailer - a couple of them look good, but not great. Then the main event. All of a sudden the dog was running through the crowd of the movie and we pan up to John Wick… I think? And also they are raining boatloads. I thought to myself that’s interesting… I love the dog.

I’m about halfway in and I thought to myself: this story is nuts! … but it’s so good!! I have not seen the second either… but I’m still so happy and delighted. Can I do that? Because I’m feeling like I can…

Then we finished. I didn’t know what I watched but I know that I loved it. It felt like I was a kid, again going to the movies sitting down and mesmerized by film. Even the movie was fucking awful, like Daylight with Sylvester Stallone in 1996? I watched with my Dad in the theaters, with popcorn and a soda, and it was not good… but you know what? I had fun - John Wick 3 was like that… but a little bit better. It used to be going to the movies was a privilege. A lot of people did not go to the movies at all. My parents did. Not because of culture or fucking status… but just they had fun and so they took their kids to have fun. That’s what the community does to film. Then afterwards, the conversation of depth! “I did like it” or “I didn’t like it” - it didn’t matter except for the conversation of it. And some days you might change your mind. Or not… but it’s the story.

When John Wick 3: Parabellum was done, I called Ali again and she picked up and she said “Yo! How was the movie?” and I said, laughing, “it was fucking bananas crazy. I didn’t know what I watch… and I still don’t… but Keanu Reeves is amazing. And the stunts were amazing. And there’s a dog and he’s or she’s beautiful too. So I need to get John Wick and John Wick 2 so I can understand what I just watched.” Ali laughed and she said “good good, I’m glad. So, you liked it?” and I said “well… that’s not what I said.” laughing. “But it was bananas crazy.” and then we laughed againwhat is du

I said “Let me ask you this… I’m going right now to the airport.” and Ali said “mhmmm…” I said “Do you think… through some miraculous suggestion… that they have John Wick and John Wick 2 on streaming on the plane?” and Ali said, laughing, “I don’t know - you will have to check” and I said “...well thank god if they do… but if they don’t… I will get it on AmazonPrime post-haste.” and Ali laughed and she said “so you did like it!” and I laughed and I said “…yeah - I guess I did!”.

Until next time.

I’m a man. I’m 40. It’s got a nice ring to it.

When I was 23, I was flipping through the channels one day and I saw a SportsCenter and it was a clip of the guy, Mike Gundy, and he said - with a straight face - “I’m a man! I’m 40!!” I could not believe it. He was really actually serious. He was talking about his team and the news reporters and the other coaches about his team just say “the tight ended is a bozo” and “the quarterback is an idiot” and “the defensive line… what was he doing?!” But Mike Gundy took it to himself to say that the teammates of him, which was Oklahoma State Football, was actually kind of right.

Now. I don’t know football at all. My Dad watched football. He obviously loved the NY Giants. But I never got into it. Neither did my brother. Neither here or there…. I’ve been thinking about “I’m 40” since I had my birthday when I was 40. I’ll be there and how I either am 40 or 40 will a stroke. Does that make sense?

Last week when I wrote the “I’m So Tired” story1, I thought about it over the past week. Like, I’ll take the story about American Football2. 20 years ago, I took the train and I would walk about like three or four miles… and finally had a show. Then… walk 4 miles back and then to the train also back. That’s not even playing the show! And I love it. I still love it. And I would go again. But maybe it’s because else… maybe I’m 40 not because I had a stroke? Also not apart from me, but the bands are older now too. Are they 40+ too? I don’t know. Honestly? I will never know. That’s okay? I don’t know. I don’t know that I will ever know. …and is that okay? I just don’t know.

We’ll do another story about Henry’s 30 birthday Thursday night. We parked the car in Hoboken. Then we walked about 6 or 7 blocks to the train and we took through NYC. And then we took 11 blocks to the restaurant. Then, at the restaurant, we took the stairs down two floors for the party. And, let me just say, the party was fantastic. Me and Ali had a great time. But, like, I said, 20 years ago that would be a piece of cake. Now? Friday morning Tylenol, you feel me? It’s kind of hard. That’s all I’m saying. And are we okay with that? Or is it just me?

I don’t know what in this means, I guess. I’ve been thinking about this more recently because like, I said, I am 40. I’m 40. I am. Doesn’t mean I have a midlife crisis? I feel fine, I think? Honestly? What it’s not so bad. I finally had a purpose… almost. All these years of “I’m a man I’m 40”, and now… I’m finally 40. Next year, I’m going to be 41. Does that mean I was 40 and now it’s lost? I don’t know. You know what I’ll do? I’m going to call up Mike Gundy and talk it through with him. Maybe he knows what I’m dealing it. Maybe he knows the real thing. …or not. Until next time.

Today I woke up this morning and, I have to say, I am really exhausted. You ever get that feeling when you can’t even write one sentence? Or like one word of a text? Or maybe just a thumbs up emoji? …and that’s too hard? That’s what I have today.

Last week was a crazy week. A good week… but a crazy week. On Monday… let’s say it’s the calm before the storm. Very cool and very collected. It’s almost like it’s not rain going to start, but it’s thundering? Like that. And then on Tuesday? Gone towards the races. Is that a saying? …it is now.

Tuesday we went to a show. I used to go to shows all the time. And multiple times per week. (What was I thinking!!) But we saw American Football for the millionth time. The new album, American Football (LP4), is pretty great. But also we went to Music Hall of Williamsburg because they are closing it probably a month (...I think?). So that was a good two-for-one deal. Good times with good friends. Well at least one friend (hi Bannon!!)

Wednesday we went to Hoboken because were running errands all day. Nothing fancy, but a lot of errands in Hoboken. We’ve been there before, because we lived there for 13 years. So it’s familiar. But that being said… errands.

Thursday night we went into Hoboken again and then took the PATH (underground train) to the City because it was Henry’s 30th birthday. He is Ali’s cousin. But we know him for many many years and years. And we actually like him too! Who da‘ thunk it! Great birthday all around. Again, good friends. Happy Birthday, Henry!

Friday it’s a reprise so nothing going on. Ali was doing, but not me. Thank god for that.

On Saturday we went into Hoboken for the third time with another errand. Then we came back and Susan, our old old friend, and Susan baby. Susan lives in Orange County, CA. However, she was visiting her parents in Chatham, NJ, so we stopped by. We spent, probably, 2 or 3 hours? Just hang out and laughing. We saw Susan’s Grandparents and Anne, her sister too. And I’m a beautiful beautiful day. Then Ali said “Should we leave and feed the dog?” Really that means “All right, I’m tired - do you want to leave?” But also sometimes let’s feed the dog too.

But anyway… all I’m saying is… now on Monday, I am exhausted. It was a great day all around but… actually, yeah, I’m just exhausted. But I needed to do that because pre-stroke I would do that all the time. And then some. But post-stroke is hard. Actually difficult. I don’t know why, but it is. Also, it is a stroke? or I’m just old? I don’t know then either. The jury’s out…? What I can tell you is I had a great week last week. So good for me. And with that… Until next time.

The other day I was watching TV with my brother, Greg, and we’re watching the Tour de France, but now it’s done. Greg, while flipping through the channels he said, as a joke, “ohhh, do you want to watch Suits?” Thinking Oh my God - can you imagine if we watched Suits? and I said “ohhh I watched that” and Greg’s had, laughing, “what?!?!”, And I, still also laughing, said “yeah I watch Suits… probably 5 years ago?” and Greg said “what the fuck, Dan!” Laughing hysterically.

Two minutes we’re laughing and I said “yeah I was super sick, and thought: I got nothing to do, and I watched Suits”. Greg said “you were sick? Ohh, like you had a stroke. I get it, I get it. How was it?” still laughing.

I thought about it for a minute and then I said “...actually, i don’t know?” And another laugh. And then I said “I had a stroke, and we were living in Jersey City and I remember one day I was watching episode 1. And then I watched Suits for the beginning into the end thing. Then, I woke up. I had seen in the back and two or three seasons left and I thought to myself: did I just watch Suits?” and Greg laughed out loud and I did too.

Greg says “...so you know every season?’ and I said “well… that’s the thing… I want to say I never watched Suits, but… if you put it on and I watch for 5 minutes I go ‘oh I remember that’. It’s really baffling” and Greg laughed out loud (again) and said “so, like… quiet Suits?” And we laughed.

I said “so yeah… I watched the Suits. And you know what? It was pretty good show, from what I remember. …and Louis Litt is hilarious.” Greg says, “You know what? You should write it on a Substack tomorrow…” and I said “oh, you know what? You’re totally right!!”. Until next time.

Two weeks ago we moved away from Kingston, NY, and we moved to Morristown, NJ. And that is perfect, honestly.

Then in Morristown finally… I got a little bit of a cough … and then that grew to a big cough… and finally a full on cold. Because, duh, the move.

And then the third thing is that yesterday was my birthday. And I turned 40 (yikes!). Which is bonkers.

All this to say: I'm so sorry for not posting, because I was dead to the world and I'm still not great. But not as bad as I was last week.

So please please forgive me. I'm sorry. I will do better next week.

But… I'll leave you with my a couple of stories over the past year. So, with that… enjoy!

• Where am I???, Chapter 8

• Scotti's Record Forever, Chapter 9

• Strokin’, Chapter 14

• Five Long Years, Chapter 16

• DFL: Dead F#%king Last, Chapter 44

‘Til next time…

June 28th, 2008. It was my birthday. And it was a Saturday. However… before any of that… I had to work. Where do I work? Scrumptious Morsels, right down the road from Berkeley Heights. It’s a horrible restaurant and name but the food is fine. Burgers and Fries and barbecue… you know old people stuff.

I walk in turn the lights on because I am “opening”, I did it the cash, and I put the TV on. It was a slow but steady process. Then JP Simmons came in, and he was the manager. I said “hey JP. What’s going on?” drinking my coffee. He goes “hey Dan…” and usually it’s small talk laughing and then on to the work but JP can’t stop looking at his phone. So, something was up. I don’t want to pry, so I just did my work and let him tell me what’s going on.

Noon rolled in and it’s slow for right now. Couple orders here and there, but nothing crazy. And then all of a sudden JP came up from the basement and said “hey Dan - do you have a second?” I said “sure, sure - what’s going on?” in JP said “... I’m freaking out because my kid is very sick and we don’t know why - but we can have an appointment by 2:00 p.m. today, but the problem is I’m stuck working. So… my question is this: can you cover for me and let me go help?” and I said “oh my god - of course, man! Please get out of here.” and JP’s said “oh my god, thank you! you’re a lifesaver!” and I said “I hope the kid is okay” and then JP goes “Let’s hope! We have no idea what happened, but… more like a pray!” And he put in his bag, like he always does, and then he’s just about to leave then he stops and turns and said “wait… isn’t your birthday?” and I said “well, yeah. But this is way more important”. JP goes “Well, thank you and happy birthday. You don’t know how much it means to me, so thank you” and then I just nodded and then he left.

But now I’m at work and no clue what time I’ll be off. Because we’re going to go to the city at Drop Off Service, a cool bar, after dinner. I called Ali and said “how JP’s kid is sick, and I’m going to cover for him and I don’t know when we’re going to get into the city - is that a problem?” Ali said “no problem, that is awful, and to keep her posted.” So, we’re good - but no plans to leaving right away.

Seven pm. I’m exhausted and also nervous, because there’s a lot of people waiting for me at 9:00pm. I’m hanging out in the phone rings and I say “Scrumptious Morsels - how can I help you?” It was JP. He said “ hey Dan.” I said “Ohhh, hey! How’s the boy?” JP said “Actually good, good! Thank you - I think he’s still got some tests to do over the next week, but it’s fine for now” and I said “okay okay” JP’s said “Who’s with you there at the counter?” so I said “Janine, Kyle and Johnny. Why?” JP said “okay. get out of here - you’ve done your job… and then some - so, yeah, get out of here” I said “but there’s no manager then?” JP said “Don’t worry about it - that’s my problem, not yours” so I said “But there kids?” JP said “Again, that’s my problem, not your problem. And also there’s other managers just not the delivery side - so I’ll get Jay or something to check up on them. But go, get out of here. Have fun.” and I was like “okay - are you definitely sure?” JP laughed and he said “yeah, go - thank you again, but get out of here” I said “okay thank you!” and then I hung up the phone and I finally left.

I called Ali and I told her what’s going on and she nodded and I said “so I’m going to get change real quick and then I’ll pick you up and we’ll go. Cool?” and she said “okay - what about food?” and I said “there’s a pizza place or something like that that I’ll get something and then we’ll go to drop off service” and she said “all right - sounds like a plan”.

Ten thirty pm. Drop Off Service was really great. And half of them were for me. I had college friends, high school friends, middle school friends… and also my friend’s-friends as well. And everyone bought me a drink. Until Ali said “hey, I know your birthday was popping and it’s still going, but you need to eat something.” And I’m about five glasses of whiskey in and I said “oh yeah - good point - I’m going to go right now” so I left and I’m looking for a pizza place. However… there was no pizza places around. There is no anywhere around. There’s a no man’s land. I did a five block radius and still there was no one around. So, what did I do? I turned around and went back to the party. I thought nothing of it.

Eleven thirty p.m. And seven whiskeys down and plenty of shots. A lot a bit drunk. Tom Galton, my best friend ever, could see that I was not myself at this point. He took it upon himself to hang out and maybe drink some water. Tom said “hey, let’s go outside!” and I said, stumbling, “yeah okay”. And Ali said to Tom “thank you… thank you…”. We’re outside and then all of a sudden I threw up. But not chunks, it was just bourbon, 100%. Tom said “yeah… okay - you probably need to go” Ali said “...fucking asshole, Dan”. Tom laughed. We’re walking towards the car. And then I threw up a second time. And then the sirens pulled up…. I couldn’t even speak. Police Officer said “what’s going on here?” and Tom said “hello officer. …too much birthday…” And the cop said laughing “what did you say?” in Tom said “too much birthday…”. Ali was quiet but watched it all. The cops looked at me, and then looked at Tom. They could write me a ticket and/or jail time, but the cops were so exhausted as well and it’s already 11:30pm. The cop looked at Tom and said “is this your car?” and Tom said “yes sir - we’re just leaving to go back home” and the cop said “all right - But we’re going to do one block and if it’s still there… the kid will get a ticket” and Tom said “I understand - thank you, Officer” And the cop said “Okay…” And they drove away.

Ali said “okay… but that’s not the car… the car is three blocks away…” and Tom said “yeah, I know, but we need to move fast” and then then laughed.

In conclusion, make sure you eat… and then party. Until next time.

It was Saturday night. It was October 2003. I got out of work a the movie theater and hung out at a “party”, but really it was 9 or 10 friends. …and I’m the 11th.

I’m driving now to Kyle Swinton’s house. Kyle lives in a mansion. He was very happy and a little bit mean/weird? I think I summed him up. He lived in Morristown; but for school, he went to school at Seton Hall Prep in South Orange NJ (... I think?). He’s always happy, but not at me or anyone else. I don’t know what it is but there’s something off… though, I couldn’t care less. Kyle was milquetoast. That being said, it was something to do. I really knew him because his girlfriend was Susan Merwin. And I loved Susan Merwin. Still do.

We are partying, hanging out, laughing. I sat down with a old classic wooden desk because there wasn’t any seats left. I’m minding my own business and then I notice something moving just out of eyesight… at my knees. All of a sudden, there was Susan hiding. I was very sneaky, like that movie Mr Deeds. “Very, very sneaky, sir.”1 She said something and I didn’t know what she was saying. Then she was scribbling but there was no paper or pen. This desk had everything. So, like I said, very quietly I grabbed the post-it notes and a pen and then Susan could write. Everyone was laughing and hanging out so. There was no problem with me doing very sneaky stuff. Nobody cares. Or at least Kyle’s friends.

Susan writes something then she gave it to me. “I’m furious with Kyle. Don’t tell him I’m here.” And I nodded, still very quiet. Then Susan wrote again. “Also it’s nice because I’m done with these people” And I nodded again. Susan wrote the third time. “you’re good though”. I laughed, but very quietly and I nodded it as well. Then she laughed too.

About ten minutes later, Kyle came up stairs to the attic. Then he goes “Where’s Susan? I can’t find her” a little puzzled, with a creepy smile. I checked with Susan and she said please do not tell him I was here. I kept my mouth shut. Then Susan gave a thumbs up.

Another ten minutes later John Hawtown, a good friend of Kyle’s, says “Hey, where is Susan? She has my jacket” and then Kyle says “yeah… she’s still in the car, so I know she can’t be that far.” Lucy Brown says “Wait… she’s my ride! Don’t let her leave without me!” and then Lucy goes “Dan, did you see her?” and I just said “nope”... very, very sneaky. Susan snickered very quietly. Then Kyle said “huh… she’ll turn up though”. It was a conundrum.

About forty-five minutes later, no one had left and were all still sitting around. It looks like it was not moving. I could tell that Susan was starting to get cramped and she really needed to stand up. So, Susan says ”I’m hurting - any chance you can move to the other room so I can get up?” and so I nodded imperceptibly. I thought about what Kyle did… what did he do? And I thought to myself I don’t think Kyle has any clue what the thing is. Some people do hiking, some people do guitars (like myself), some people do swimming. Not Kyle. Kyle is… not there.

Then all of a sudden, I said “Hey, did you tell me that there is a beer thing for having beers in the attic?” and Kyle lit up. “Yeah! You want me to do a demonstration?” and then everyone laughed… but not Kyle, because he was serious. I said “if you have time…” but really I need to get away from the wooden desk so Susan could stand up. Very, very sneaky. And then we went to the bedroom.

“You see is…” and Kyle was talking non-stop about different sizes, and rope and how much is rope, and the bigger rope versus tiny rope, and what pulley was it… it’s just exhausting when you’re that uninterested. That being said this is the first time Kyle had interests. Good for Kyle. But I keep thinking that I have to go in there so then Susan can get out.

Everyone else was in wrapped to attention. Also, he goes everyone goes with them. But no one is around… it was very quiet. Susan got up and went out and finally stretched. It felt so good, I’m sure. But, I had to look like Kyle keep talking. “... then you have 30 beers in the, you have to hoist it, and voila!! Beers in the attic!” said Kyle. I said “Huh… so… it was Beer Pulley System?” And Kyle smiled and said “Exactly! You get it!” And all of a sudden Susan walked in. Kyle said “Susan! We were looking for you where!! Where were you?” and Susan said “I don’t know what you’re talking about - I was right here” deadpan and also hilarious. Because obviously she was under the desk. Even she knew that. But it’s the principle. Then Kyle laughed and said “seriously though - you’re in the desk, right?” and Susan said “what?” She says impassively. As she planning to leave. Kyle said “Seriously, Susan. You were in the desk. Right?” and for the third time Susan said, a little pissed for the show of it, “what?! I got to get my keys and leave” and Kyle was dumbfounded. And he had a big smile on his face, but he was Irritable as well.

Susan got her keys, left John’s jacket because he left, and then she said “okay - see you. I’ll call you later” and she kissed him and left. There was just a stragglers left. I plan to leave, and I said “Great party! I’ll see you later” and Kyle said “so… Susan was in the desk, right?” and, stonefaced, I said “I don’t know what you’re talking about, man. I’ll see you later” and then I left as well. No one ever talked about it again. With Susan and me. I like to keep it that way… well… and now Substack.

We’re back on tour, finally. Well… sort of. It’s August 2010. Me and Ben hit the road at around 4:00pm. Tom drove already 2:00pm, and the other ones? I actually don’t remember. We’re going to Vermont. Brattleboro, Vermont. It’s about roughly 5 hours. But I didn’t care, because it’s Friday and I am going on tour-ish. I’m going on a wedding… but it’s vacation and I feel like it’s a vacation too.

I’m driving and Ben took the passenger seat. Then, all of a sudden, we had stopped dead traffic in Harriman, NY. Just from the New York border from New Jersey, just passed the Sheraton in Mahwah, NJ. So, really not that far. I said to Ben “this looks like a long time here. you think I’ll move eventually?” been said “I don’t know… “. I said “…fuck”.

About an hour went by here in the same exact spot. Stopped dead traffic spot. I said “how much longer do you think?” and Ben said “how the fuck should I know?” nonchalantly. And so I laughed.

Two hours. It was a heavy, heavy crash. And we must have just missed it, because we’re sitting in that exact same car for hours. I’m freaking out a little bit. Maybe Ben is too, but he doesn’t look like it. But I’m fidgety. My nerves are exploding with something to do. But I can’t. I have to wait. And pray?

Half an hour and all of a sudden I could see in the distance to stop lights are turning on. And the parking lots are one, after another, after another. Then our turn… 5 minutes and we’re on the thruway like no time at all. We’re finally finally driving. Four and a half hours of driving. And guess what? There was absolutely no traffic now. Figures.

Eleven pm we’re here. We’re finally at the hotel (actually… maybe motel?). Everyone was there was at the same wedding. We’re checking in and Tom rolls up, drunk, and said “hey guys! How are you? We were expecting you way earlier!” I was too stressed, so I said hi and I went out to the car to get something and Ben said “There was a crash on the Thruway and we were stopped for 2 and a half hours. It was brutal, but we made it.” Tom said “What! That’s crazy! All good now though. We’re in room 107. The party’s still going, so please come by!” Ben didn’t say anything, but he nodded. Then I came back in. Ben says the receptionist “Hey, I’m really sorry to do this, but is there anywhere where I can get cigarettes - I’m all out?” The receptionist said “yeah, 4 doors down you’ll get cigarettes in a convenience store” Ben said “okay, cool - thanks” Then he said to me “I’m going to go get cigarettes - I’ll be back. Can I take your keys?” and I said “sure sure” and Ben left. And then I look at the key card and it’s 112.

We were partying at 107. We were partying cause what else to do in your twenties. But I’m beat, and annoyed with no one at all. I can’t get rid of my headache. it was a very, very long night. So I said to Ben “hey, I’m going to pass out. I’m annoyed at everything right now. So I’m going to say good night. I’ll see you tomorrow” in Ben nodded and then he took his whiskey or rather his bottle. Jack Daniel’s… so foul. Then I left and passed out.

All of a sudden it was 4:30 a.m. and I woke up, but I didn’t close my eyes yet. It looked like a bump or something like that. Maybe something fell? I opened my eyes and Ben was sitting up and it was like a zombie film. It was just Ben and he looked at me very strangely. I said “hey, Ben, you all right?” he didn’t say anything. I said again “hey, Ben - are you there?” and he didn’t say anything. He stared at me. Now I’m freaking out, because Ben is no longer in our universe anymore. Ben is uninterested in whatever I am saying to him. He is otherworldly. I’m afraid, because in about 8 hours, he’s got to play drums for 3 hours. In the back of my head, I was thinking mother fucker you have to be kidding me…. So for the third time I said “Hey. Are you there? Please say something…” and then all of a sudden, he through up all over the floor. For a very long time. And Non-Stop. I have to say, respect. I’m annoyed now, but when I get over that: respect I said “what the fuck!” but he didn’t say anything. I looked at the floor and all of a sudden there was Ben’s shorts. And he threw up all over his shorts. Threw up and then some. I thought to myself oh my god… I’m not going to clean this up. I’m honestly done… goddammit. And then I fell asleep again.

I woke up all alone at the hotel/motel It was a bad dream. It was 9:00 am. It was very real. Very, very real. I just wished it was a bad dream. I got up and Ben was already up. He was fine, miraculously. A little hungover, but fine. I said “Hey, how you feeling? You good?” and Ben said “yeah, it was a crazy night.” I said “yeah yeah” and then Ben said “it’s so weird… because you were asleep and then I was asleep and then I got up this morning and somebody’s throw up all over my clothes. I don’t understand what happened? Did you know what happened?” and then I stopped and looked at Ben and I said “What?! Are you kidding me?? You threw up. You threw up, and then some - you threw up and then you fell asleep. Are you serious? You don’t know anything of it?” and Ben laughed and for a second he thought about it, and he said “oh, yeah that makes sense, actually - that makes total sense. But, we need to make a stop before the wedding.” I was like “Why?” and he said “because I all threw up on my brand new cigarettes as well, so I have to get a new pack” and I said “ahh, ok” laughing.

It’s the summer of 2021. It was Saturday morning. …and then my phone rang.

I looked and it was Christine Plante, my mother-in-law. I picked up and I said, stroke in mind but a big smile “hey!”. And Christine said “Well, hello there! How are you?”. I said “good good. You?” and she said “I’m good, thank you. I have a little story - do you have a minute?” and I said “sure!”

She gets to talk in about her almost-client, and he had a stroke too, and in a similarities are astounding. And she would like to set you and him up for breakfast and me and Ali are already coming in to Franklin, Tennessee, (now her and Chuck live). But she wanted to check with me first. I said “sure! what was his name?” and she said “Jim”. So, me and Jim have a date in about 2 weeks.

We’re in Franklin two weeks later. And we’re driving for me to meet Jim. Christine was driving and Ali was in the back. Then we parked. I looked up… I thought there was a breakfast place we were going to… but the sign says J. Christopher’s. Very fancy, very high class, very elegant. Like a jewelry store or something. Right behind it, it says “Breakfast, Brunch and Lunch”. So… I guess we’re there? And Christine said “he texted me that he’s got a table”. And we went in.

“Hello hello” said Jim as we sat down, and a big big smile. “how’s everyone?”. Jim Brooks was a tiny man but he looks like he played a football. well football back then not now. He was clean-shaven and on his left side he had a stroke. And he was about 60 years old. And then the two cane. One for you, and one for me. And Christine goes, with her sales voice - cause, like I said, she was almost a client, “we are good, we are good - how are you Jim?” Jim says “well, I can’t complain?” and then he laughed and we’re laughing. And then Jim looked at me and he said “how are you doing, Dan? it’s nice to meet you, I’m Jim.” And he shook my hand, so I shook him back. But my left hand because my right doesn’t work. And he laughed at that as well and again we all did.

We’re talking. I can’t really speak yet, so Ali told him the story about me. And I was there to give it background. And laughing and definitely not-laughing, also. And Jim was saying like “well, you’re here - that’s all that matters” which I totally get that. Like, that sucks but nothing we could do let’s move forward. And for once Jim got that. I thought to myself, finally Jim totally gets it we’re connecting. hell yes. Finally, someone I can talk to.

Then we’re winding down my story, so I said - very slowly and meticulously “so… Jim… what about… you? And… can I ask… is that… all… from you… having… the stroke?” and Ali held my hand as well the whole time. So Jim said “that is a great question, Dan. thank you for answering that. The answer is yes and no” And then he started talking.

Jim’s story is fascinating. About 10 years ago, he was driving alone at night about 11:00PM. on the Mack Hatcher Memorial Parkway, about 5 minutes from where we are, and all of a sudden he was not himself. But, like I said he was, on the parkway. He veered to the right lane, and then he blacked out. All of a sudden, he fell into the fields and there was a small fire as well. And I said “gosh… “ and Jim said “gosh indeed. But I was saved by this person. And now, to this day, every month me and him go to breakfast and chat, just because of that night. Isn’t that great?” and I said “yeah! Great!” But at the same time, …something seems off? He’s friendly… but maybe too friendly? So I said “So… cane?” And Jim said “ah well - that’s the 50/50 part. I had a stroke, that is fair - but also the crash. And they didn’t know and I couldn’t tell them about what was the stroke and then also the crash. So, like I said, unfortunately who knows. All I know is I wear a cane”. I said “sorry… that sucks” and Ali said “Dan!” And I said “Sorry, sorry” laughing and Jim, laughing, said “well, it does suck - that I know!” and then again we all laughed.

We’re almost ready to go, the check is paid, we’re just finishing up our coffee. and Jim said “hey Dan, I don’t know if you’re around but are you free tomorrow? for the exact same time and place?” and I thought about it and I looked at Ali, she nodded because she’s The CalendarTM, and I thought you know what? I have plenty of time. I said “sure!” and Jim said “fantastic. it’s a date” and then we laughed.

The next day, Ali and Christine unfortunately not around, so Christine dropped me off. Christine said “so… maybe two or three hours?” and I said “ummm… two hours.” and Christine said “okay, sounds good” and then Christine left. So, I went inside from the restaurant

Today, Jim has something to offer me, which is very odd. Because yesterday there was a conversation, but today… it was a discussion at me? Today was very different. Very, very different. I can taste it. I’m super cautious. Even though I had a stroke, I still had my instinct of bullshit meter. He was high on the charts. But I had two hours to kill. What’s the worst that could happen?

The answer? Horribly horribly bad.

Me and Jim are talking. Just small talk for now. I’m sitting down, I’m getting my coffee - it’s all good. Then, I sit my cup of coffee and Jim had two books on the ground now on the dining room. Couldn’t really see the pictures but it already seems gruesome. I finished the sip of coffee and I said “what’s that?” in Jim says “funny you should ask, Dan…” Jim starts talking and talking ( …and talking) about Jesus. Fucking Jesus.

He was talking nonsense about Jesus, and how God made him full after having a stroke, and God bless Jesus, and blah-blah-blah-blah-blah. But I’ve just been sitting, drinking my coffee, just listening. I think I had three fill ups for having my coffee until Jim says “so, what do you think? do you want to be the voice of God?”

I paused… because I’m going to watch what I say… because usually, I’m home, I would just hang up the phone. But… I am in Tennessee. Alone. So, I said, “ummm… I think… that… I’m good… for right now” and Jim said “why is that?” and I said “huh?” and Jim said “well, why is that if you don’t mind me asking? I think you’ve accepted Jesus, and he’s accepted you conditionally, so what’s the problem here?” and I said “ummm… I don’t accept… Jesus? … at all?” And Jim said “okay. Well, there’s no time like the present!” Then I remembered also yesterday he smiled. Today, he is not smiling. At all. He’s actually kind of just craziness. And a little bit of insanity. But, I’m calm cool and collected - even with the stroke. I sip my coffee. And I said “I don’t… think so… sorry about… that. There’s… a lot of… stuff I need… to go through in… my head. So… sorry” and then Jim, both crazy/Insane, and then a third thing… he was smiling too? But a different smile? A fucking crazy smile? And Jim said “Well… take these books. Maybe they’re not right for you now, but 6 months, a year, it’ll take time. I know that it will you will thank me later.” I said “thank you, Jim”. I nodded. And then we have an hour and a half till Christine will pick me up. So I’m going to get a fourth cup.

Jim is a sad man. He has a horrible tragic stroke and he built it back up and he is alive. I have to say, hell fucking yeah. He is alive. Good for fucking you. And he is a religious man, so God is in everything. But that’s for you… not for me.

We went outside because Christine was on her way and Jim and I were still chatting, very awkward but chatting, and I have my two books, Me & Jesus and Jesus is the Way. Fucking gross. And Jim said “it was good to see you again. It is really good to chat for two days” I said “Yeah, yeah… same. Good to meet you.” As Christine rolled through. “See you” and Jim said “bye!” and waved Christine as well.

I close my door Christine said “what did you talk about?” and I said “you have no idea…” and Christine said “oh? like what?” and I said “… Jesus” And then she park the car and looked at me. “no…” she says and I said “and then some” and then we started laughing close all of us dodged a bullet that day.

Until next time.

I was in a coma for one month. It was May 2020. And then I woke up. Cords and wires and medical equipment… up the wazoo. But I’m alive. Hallelujah, Praise Jesus!!

Over the past few weeks, It was a lot of people on the telephone to talk to. Like, “how you feeling?” or “I’m going to let you rest” or “oh my gosh, you had a stroke!” - and that is fine, I’ll take all of it. However, one month in and Ali moved it and all of a sudden it was a new house in Morristown. I couldn’t go in because… obvious reasons. And I thought to myself “okay… but… where is my stuff?”

There’s enough traders to feel like there’s a history in a relationship of stuff. And I don’t think that people care about that, but I do, and I did. And I wanted to know… where is my stuff.

I was in a coma for one month. That was amount of time that I cannot get back. There’s a lot of emotions as well. And honestly? I don’t think I’ve really captured it in this six years. It’s just, [put it here]. The whole world was “my stuff”. I loved my stuff.

Now over the past 6 years, I have gotten back most of it. There was moving trucks, and second and third different moving trucks. And then my Mom’s house. And Neumann Leathers building in Hoboken, NJ (I have a studio in that place). There’s just a lot of stuff that I thought I knew, but that’s gone now. And I’m trying to keep it together, but I can’t… because I had a stroke.

And, also, things that I only knew, it’s gone. Even Ali knew most of it, but there’s a treasure that only you know. Ali could not know that’s what I’m missing for where’s my stuff. It is the lead elite. It is extraordinary. It is my stuff. And it’s lost. And over time, I’m okay with that, cause it’s also the history, like I said.

In conclusion, this whole mess that I call my life… I wouldn’t change it for the world, actually. I mean, I miss it - but maybe I didn’t care about it enough? Some endocrine stuff. And, like I said, maybe it’s lost but… maybe… partially… you can ask: where is my stuff. Happy Memorial Day.

It was an election year for the President. Joe Biden was formerly the Vice President. Obama was the President, but now Joe Biden is running for the President. And, also, I had a stroke in April 2020.

There's four years after Obama and the new President where Donald J. Trump was the President. Full disclosure: I fucking hate Donald fucking Trump. So, so, truly much. I despise him. Even before the President, I always hated him. When my Granny used to do the TV that show The Apprentice, I always hated this guy. Now he is the President. What a fucking life.

It was 6 months since, like I said, I had a stroke. Also, COVID-19 was still going on. It’s election day. So we went there. We were living in Morristown, NJ. I know I didn’t do much, but I did know I had to cast my vote for Joe Biden. That’s what I know I needed to do today. So, we parked.

We’re standing there and it was slightly raining. I was always cold now, after the stroke. We were there for about 20 minutes and Ali looked at me and said “are you good? do you want to sit down?” And I said “no”. And that 20 minutes we didn’t get very far.

Me and Ali walked up - very slowly, I mind you for me. The old lady was the volunteers, and she said “okay - and do you need help?” and for the first time ever I thought “oh, I need help!” But I couldn’t say that… so I just said “help!”. Ali went to vote on her side. I have no idea what I’m doing - all I know is I’m voting for Joe Biden. For years I would cast my vote and leave it took 5 minutes but this day 6 months after the stroke I didn’t know what to do or how to do it. it’s still to this day so helpless and makes me feel a little bit sad. I said that “Joe Biden”. The older lady said “okay - do you want to fill it in?” I said “okay”. so I sat down and I borrowed a pen with my left hand and I did my part. There were a lot of other questions, but I just didn’t know what I was doing so I would just do all the boxes Democrat.

Then Ali said “hey, are you good?” and I said “yup”. Ali said “did you say thank you?” and I also said “yup”.

Now, it’s up to God? Or logic? Or maybe it’s the ballots? Who knows. But I felt great. This is the first time I’m doing something… that was bigger than me. It took me a long time... a very, very long time. But I made it. Then we had a 2-minute drive and I fucking slept, cause it was a lot.

Joe Biden won. He won. Thank fucking Christ.1

It was the fall, 2014. 6:00 p.m. was closing time for Rijksmuseum, the museum in Amsterdam, Netherlands. “Should we go?” I said. Ali said “yeah, I think so - I want to go to that Art Shop. You go with that?” and I said “yeah, totally.” We’re walking.

In the park, by the front of the museum, was empty. There was a couple people were picking up the trash, because they are workers at the museum. There wasn’t any visitors at all. Me and Ali were walking and we stopped just to check the street before we one block to the Art Shop, but there was bikes. Like a lot of bikes.

“There’s a lot of bikes?” I said. Ali said “ yeah… geez… you know for years I’ve been thinking about Amsterdam and the bikes this is next level” and I said “yeah”. There was a plethora of bikes riding back around work. There could be a little old lady on bikes. There could be a fitness person on bikes. There could have a guy nearly fat and winded… and he’s still had a bike. And we’re just waiting to cross the road.

In a minute, they were make 50 bikes. Again, baffling. And me and Ali just were waiting (and praying?) for a chance to go. “So… what should we do?” Ali said. I said “I have no idea… they don’t plan on stopping anytime soon…”. Ali said “yup…”. As we watch 10 bikes zooming across. Me and Ali were kind of frightened. Then there was a law… so I said “ let’s make a run for it…”

We ran. For our lives. By the way, it’s not that far at all. But it’s three bikes as opposed to 50 bikes. But, like I said, we’re running. Ali made it, she finally got through. I was almost there… and I heard a bell and I turned around and looked…

There was a bike rider, headed straight for me. It was 2 seconds. Thank christ they rang that bell. I was heading to the ground,I stepped in the bike lane and I swear it and then I took a giant leap and I made it… but I made it through the other block.

“Oh my god. Are you okay?” Ali said, slightly laughing. I’m already laughing said “what the fuck”, cracking up. I said “hang on…”

There was a lull again. I ran… again. I ran like the wind. Well… ran with bikes. A lot of bikes. And then finally got there. I made it through with Ali.

“You good?” Ali said. With a smile, I said “yeah”. She goes “Okay, cool - I’m going to go to the Art Shop. Cool?” and I said “sure thing”.

I know it’s not what you wanted… but it is what I wanted… for right now?

A lot of stuff has been happening with me and Ali (which I’m excited to share once it come out) and I totally forgot to write a story this week. Just… life got in the way. I’m sorry, I will do better (...sort of). That being said, TV show is my other thing. I love TV. But, I don’t like new TV, I like old TV… or really old TV …or sort of old TV. Then, also, there is new TV (fooled ya’).

Let’s talk about it.

Vinyl, Season 1 - Years ago, Vinyl came out and I watched it and I fuckin’ hated it. All of a sudden, it was the mob? What? it’s not for me. So I watched the third or fourth episode, and then I just thought “you know what? good riddance!” and I stopped it. Fast forward to now, I thought to myself “it’s been 10 years1 I think I should give it another crack… just in case…” and I watched it. It was pretty good! And the mob thing - it was just in the background, but really it’s Bobby Cannavale story. I really enjoyed it. Look… was it a great episode? Hardly. But it was good. And then, It was canceled. I think I get it also - being canceled. They were trying to do something but it didn’t work - you try again that’s, what life is.

Bored to Death, Season 1 through 3 - Kind of similarly, Bored to Death was pretty great, and, then at the end, I thought it was lame. But, I started again and I thought would see where it goes. It was pretty good too! At the end, it was still pretty good. I don’t know what happened? I thought that I didn’t like it, but 10 years down the line, my life changed. Bored to Death changed. Society changed.

Margo’s Got Money Troubles, Season 1 - Elle Fanning. Michelle Pfeiffer. Nick Offerman. What more could you ask for? I watched, now, episode 4. And I have to say, I really enjoyed it.

The Boys, Season 1 through 5 - The Boys is batshit crazy. And I love it? I don’t want to give anything away… so I’m not. Also, I have not seen the season finale, but man… I cannot wait!

Fawlty Towers, Season 1 and 2 - Fawlty Towers is the best show that no one ever watched it. I fucking love it. It’s still laugh-out-loud-funny for years. They just put on Britbox. So, if you had not watched it please go watch it. Five nights ago, Me and my brother were watching it and And the two of us were cackling. In the first season, first episode. The scene where Basil Fawlty (John Cleese) says “you’re doing it wrong - there’s much butter” and Manuel (The Great Andrew Sachs) said “Que?” My brother and I cracked up. Look. I’m many times told you guys the story about Fawlty Towers, here it is again - but, man… Fawlty Towers is the best best show.

So, that’s that. Until next time

Mr. Russo was a strange bird. Actually, I should be careful because he could be alive. But I digress… Mr. Russo was a junior and senior year english teacher and the film (making and showing) and poetry. A one-stop-shop for my enjoyment. I drank it up.

One day, we were in class with Mr. Russo. It was junior year, 2002. He’s teaching. All of a sudden, he stopped… and he stared at all of us… the left and the right… for a long long while. To the point where we were, like, “hey, Mr. Russo, are you okay?” and then all of a sudden he put on a grin… a shit eating grin… he just smiled. Then, he thought nothing of it, and went back to talking about the lesson.

“Weird…” Tom Galton said. And I laughed. He left as well.

Twenty minutes later, he did it again. This time for three or four minutes. Just staring at all of us. Twenty one students just waiting… and praying… he’s okay. Julie Lennon, a goody-two-shoes student, said “Hey Mr. Russo? Are you okay? Should I call the nurse?” Mr. Russo turned and stared at Julie, again with a big shit eating grin again. He stared at her for 30 seconds. Then, all of a sudden, he said, laughing, “ha! I lost my train of thought!” Then he went back to his desk, shuffled the papers, and then back to the lesson.

“...double weird” I said, and Tom laughed out loud. Mr. Russo stopped and he said “did you say something, Dan?” I said “No, sorry, my bad…”. He nodded and went back to the lesson for the third time. Me and Tom giggled. Mr. Russo did this one every once in awhile. It was really outlandish, but in a fun way?

Years later, I thought been thinking about Mr. Russo for a while. And here’s the thing, now that I’m older… he didn’t lose his train of thought… he was high on weed. Problem solved. Until next time.

It was Palm Springs in the year 2016. Me and Jack Barrett we’re finally done at the conference. It was so so boring, but we had to do it. Me and Jack usually tag team it and we did it then too, and it was good. But this morning, after the conference was done, I say “hey Jack, if you don’t mind - can you drop me off at the rental car place?” and Jack said “sure - where you going?” and I said “well… do you know Gram Parsons? From The Byrds or The Flying Burrito Brothers?” Jack’s said “Oh, I know The Byrds. Why?” I said “Well… ummm… Gram Parsons died in this motel and I always wanted to go. …and we’re about 45 minutes from the motel now… so… I want to go?” and Jack laughed and he said “okay, sure - I don’t know why you would want to go, but sure.” And I laughed as well and then we hit the road.

It was 20 minutes for the drive and the rental car. Jack said “all right - you good?” and I said “yes yes - thank you so much!” and Jack said “of course, man! Say hi to Gram as well…” and we laughed and he hit the road.

Forty-five minutes later, I was at the motel, the Joshua Tree Inn. I was finally at Gram Parsons house, Number 8. I was in heaven. Also there was me, and the receptionist, and that’s it… there was no one around. It was around 2 p.m. So I said to myself “all right - I am so hungry. So why don’t I go to the supermarket… and maybe some beer… and then we’re In the night.”

About an hour went by, and I was back. I got beer and frozen pizza, because there was a microwave in the room. I’ve got Pacifico and Celeste Pizza. This was the good life.

Then I went outside to sit down on the patio and write. I was always writing. I was writing about my old album. In my old album and Gram Parsons Failed it together about life and death and… I don’t know it’s been a long time since I’ve been in this headspace. I feel like Gram Parsons is otherworldly. He wrote songs but they weren’t amazing. I really don’t know why, but the songs are not bad, but his death and this these songs and the aura melded together and this… I don’t know, but it’s beautiful.

I’m writing, drinking a beer, and then all of a sudden is older man walked up and he said “hey, how are ya?” Me and him are the only ones in this place. Again, otherworldly. I looked over and there was a long hair and a beard with totally white with glasses. I said “hey! how’s it going, man? I’m Dan - what’s your name?” And he said “My name is Bobby Walker, do you mind if I sit down, my feet are sore from a big day of hiking” and I said “oh of course! Have a seat”. and then Bobby said “do you like beer? I used to drink beer, but I can’t now. I don’t know why, I just can’t.” and I said “yeah, I don’t mind” and Bobby said “do you want a little bit of whiskey?” and I said “does the bear shit in the woods?” and then we laughed. Then we started talking about nothing really, just talking.

Then we’re wrapping up and Bobby said “so, what do you got planned tomorrow?” and I said “actually, I don’t know - I know I’m going to the park to see Gram Parsons because I love Gram, and I’ve never been here before. I don’t know, though. Do you have any ideas?” and Bobby said “oh, I don’t mind Gram Parsons. It’s not my taste. I’m more of a Grateful Dead fan” and I said “naturally” and we laughed. Bobby said “but if you’re up way early, you can drive at night and Park there’s a field and then the boulder, I feel like it was called, I think, Cap Rock? Anyway, Gram died at Cap Rock, but then the sun comes up and it’s beautiful” and I said “oh wow, okay - good to know, good to know. Thank you so much!” and Bobby said “anytime! Okay - see you…” Then he left. It was definitely brief, but definitely interesting. I set the alarm for 4:00 a.m.. Because this is what I was doing. Then I went to sleep.

4:00 a.m. rolls around, the alarm clock was popping. I woke up, get my pants on, and then hit the road. It’s probably about 15 minutes to the Joshua Tree Park. Bobby was right, it was stunning and it was still dark. I get to Cap Rock. And then I parked the car which was desolate - there’s still no one around. Then the sun came up and it’s still to this day inspiring. The history, Gram Parsons, Joshua Tree plants - again electrifyingly unbelievable. I was there alone with the sun Is coming up. That day I was crying of joy.

Then, the sun woke done. It was daytime now. I was sitting for a few more minutes, and then I went back to the car. Just around a boulder. It’s still no one around. I see the car and I still am walking and, all of a sudden, out of the fucking blue, there was a young person. Maybe eight or nine years old? …and he’s looking at me. I was freaking out, but playing it very cool. I kept walking, but my eyes were locked under the kid.

I was making sure he was doing anything untoward. Then, I got into my car, he’s looking at me. I locked my door. Got the car running. He’s still looking at me and I’m still looking at him. Beyond motherfucker. And then I floored it. Like literally floored it. I got the hell out of there.

What was a kid doing? In the middle of the night? Was it a ghost? Or was it a kid? I don’t know. And I know really give a shit. Because all I know is get the hell out of there. I was shaking. However, it was finally passed. I had calmed a little bit. I was thinking about this kid for 20 minutes out of the park. This little kid. Alone. There’s a metaphor here… but I don’t know what it is? And then I just stopped at Denny’s.