I had a great boss whose father was actually the owner of the company. It was a tight-knight family and the owner had built this business from the ground up. With that, the grit exuded from his worn fingers and tired eyes.

These kinds of stories are my favorite because they are the prime example that good things don’t come easy. Not even close. The things in life worth having - the very best things - those require hard roads. And you can count on those roads being filled with lots of mistakes, setbacks, long nights, hurt feelings, broken relationships, and weary bones.

I look back on my experience at my first job fondly. I stayed 3 years and decided it was time to leave after my oldest son was born.

I didn’t realize it at the time, mostly because I didn’t have the career experience I have today, but I was developed well there. I was poured into mostly because I was good at my job and they saw great potential in me.

But now I know that it wasn’t because I was good at my job that I thrived. It was because my boss and even the owner of our company took the time to address what they saw in me. When they spoke words of validation, praise, and backed those words up with monetary reward, I was empowered to rise up.

You can be great at what you do. In fact, your leaders can think you’re great at what you do. But that’s not enough.

If those ahead of you aren’t pouring into you through encouragement, invested time, validation, and beneficial training or feedback to equip you to grow, you’re very often left wondering where you stand - even if you are doing a great job.

It’s important for your leaders to communicate effectively how they feel about your performance and what you need to continue growing.

The same is true for you and those you influence.

This is where empowerment starts. When you not only believe in yourself, but truly know that others believe in you too, your wings grow and there’s truly no limit to how high you will soar.

I was blessed to have good leadership in my first job because it truly laid the foundation for what I sought out in my future work environment, as well as my personal ones. It was some of those early relationships that taught me what healthy influence looks like and the importance mentorship plays in my personal and professional development.

The truth is, I was being mentored and I didn’t even know it. And thankfully, the mentorship influence I received was a positive one, which is why I feel so strongly that we all need to take great care of and honor the influence we hold, whether we’re in a place of leadership or not.

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What is Mentorship and Why Does it Matter?

To keep it simple, mentorship is guidance by someone else who has walked the path you are on now. Their paths won’t be identical and they won’t always look like you. Sometimes they aren’t even older than you. Instead, mentorship is someone speaking into your life in a way that offers encouragement and ultimately empowers you to grow in the area you’re struggling.

And just like my story above, we have influences all around us even if we aren’t aware of it. Some of these influences are negative, while others are positive. This is why it’s so important we take great care and intentionality in choosing who we allow to speak into our lives because they will ultimately have influence into the direction our feet take us.

Young people just starting out in their career, this is especially important for you. You will be influenced by many, especially in your place of work. And although you have to account to your boss and other leaders over you, you need to be intentional about whose opinion you weigh over others.

If you can grab hold of this idea early on, you will set yourself up for success in the future. You get to choose who speaks into the steps you’re taking and you can learn how to be strategic in those choices.

Mentorship is an essential piece to leadership development - especially for women in the workplace. Through mentorship relationships, you can be encouraged right where you are and empowered to grow into the leader you desire to be.

Mentorship also gives you the opportunity to unload some of the unique issues you are facing with someone else who may be able to offer a fresh, unbiased perspective.

And mentorship shouldn’t just be reserved for the workplace. There are lots of areas of our lives and seasons we walk through where mentorship can add value. As a young mom, I desperately needed mentorship in my life through the words, wisdom, and prayers of mothers who were ahead of me.

As a mom entering into preteens, I seek out advice and knowledge from others who have parented teenagers because they know the uncharted waters I’m about to walk through and can give me nuggets of wisdom because of their perspective of hindsight - a perspective I do not yet share.

If you’ve ever struggled in your marriage through any sort of conflict, big or small, it might be wise to seek out a mentor who has gone through a similar situation, but has received healing and allowed God to turn their brokenness into something beautiful again.

My husband and I went through a very hard time 10 years ago. It was easy to feel alone, ashamed, and fearful that no one would - or could - understand where I was coming from and how I was feeling. It honestly felt like life would never be the same again.

Seeking out someone who could relate to our situation was not only powerful, but reminded me that I was not alone. Those outside voices of mentorship empowered me to learn from my mistakes and grow.

No matter who you are or what you’re facing, it’s important to know this:

You are not alone.

You are not alone in your sadness, in your brokenness, in your pain of loss or grief.

You are not alone in your confusion, in your frustration or anger.

You are not alone because it feels like you are the only female trying to go somewhere that no other female has gone before.

You are not alone in your discouragement at work or home and in your deep-down need to be equipped to do what you do better.

And right now, there is someone else who wants you to know that they’ve been there and that you’ve got this.

The thing about mentorship is that we are all in need of growth because none of us have arrived. Life is more about the journey not the destination, and if you can see your life from that perspective, you’ll always maintain a growth-mindset, willing and ready to learn.

When we realize this, we realize the same about everyone else. We’re all on different paths and are growing as we journey through life. And just like you want to learn from others who have gone before you, there are others right now who can learn from you too.

Your experiences, your knowledge, your unique expertise on the life you live today can actually help someone else. You influence others by the way you act, speak, look, and lead.

Mothers, you are the first to know this to be true. Your children learn how to be good humans based on the way you are. Your behavior and likeness is transferred into them because they are looking up to you as they grow and learn.

This is the same reason you censor what they watch and who they’re around regularly. You want their influences to be positive –– ones that will nurture growth in the right direction - one that aligns with your beliefs and ideals.

The same is true for all your circle of influences. Even if you’re not in a place of authority in your career, there are others who are looking at your behaviors and attitude. The way you choose to present yourself will determine who follows your leadership and who leaves it behind.

That’s a big responsibility and one we shouldn’t hold lightly. If you want to be a successful and influential leader, you need to decide right now that you’re going to live in such a way that others will want to follow you.

Let me know… what does mentorship mean to you? Do feel like having a mentor in your own life would help you grow in certain areas? What about becoming a mentor - have you ever considered it?

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Until next time,

Danielle

I knew fairly quickly that workaholism was an issue because I suffered from anxiety, burnout, and all the natural things you’d assume would come when someone works tirelessly at a thing. Soon enough, your body will react to the turmoil you’ve put it through, which is what happened to me. I was restless at night and would wake up with pressure in my chest, short of breath, and fearful of all the outcomes I couldn’t control… so yeah, basically all the outcomes.

And just so we’re clear, workaholism shows up not just in the most traditional work application you might imagine. You can work too hard at pretty much anything - your hobbies, a side project, people pleasing, obsessive cleanliness, even… God forbid I say it… motherhood. There’s a fine line that separates giving it your best and going beyond what’s healthy.

I believe God used my symptomatic little episodes to awaken in me a realization that my anxiety was rooted in fear and that the only part I needed to play in this life-dance was casting all my fears on him, while remembering that he cares for me (1 Peter 5:7). Once I put that into practice, he carefully began the work of peeling back the layers to get to the root of what led me to push myself so hard. This is… or rather, I am still a work in progress, but here are some things these last several years have taught me.

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I associate productivity with achievement.

Let’s break this down. If you’re addicted to achievement, like me, and you associate productivity with said achievement, then you will logically work tirelessly at producing, even when it’s aimless and without reason. Now imagine if you can stack up all that producing on top of itself. For me, this could look something like doing laundry while listening to a podcast while dinner is in a crockpot ten minutes before a work meeting. Now this is the over-achievers dream because now you’re being highly efficient and maximizing your productivity levels. You see the problem, right?

I believe that as a society, we praise doing over being. Christian culture is great at this. Sure, we say all the right things… we tell people to rest, build margin into their schedules, and be present where they’ve been planted. I’ve heard these things preached from pulpits and written about by christian scholars.

And let’s not forget, God commands it. Have you ever heard of the Sabbath (or Shabbat, as our Jewish brothers and sisters refer to it)? While we may not be under the law anymore, there is something to the fact that God commands rest. Makes me think our human nature has a tendency to get lost in the work and blur the lines between what’s healthy and what’s obsessive… so much so that God makes it part of the law.

Look at the American Church and the expectation (unspoken or not) that’s put on staff, lay leaders, and volunteers. If we’re being honest, are we modeling a posture of rest and margin as Christian leaders? Or are we quick to say yes to anything for the sake of the mission, time off be damned!

What if the holy calling was to ultimately realize that we, in and of ourselves, are not the fixers or the problem-solvers… we are not the saviors. We are instruments, each carrying our own gifts, talents, and unique abilities that God so graciously gave us, but we have to remember that those gifts, talents, and abilities are not what’s going to fix the world.

The parallels between parenting and who God is

Parenting has taught me so much about the heart of God. I experience great pride and joy when my children - at any age - simply exist. When they started to develop their own unique set of gifts - beautiful, God-given gifts - it brought me immense pleasure to watch them explore how they were going to use them. It brings me pride seeing them flourish when they step into something that reminds them “you belong here.”

If all those things were gone tomorrow, I wouldn’t love them any less. If all those things were multiplied by 100, I wouldn’t love them any more. As a fellow human and parent of two teenagers, I’m highly invested in watching my children flourish and the more that they do, the more their lives point back to their Creator and how much he loves them.

And maybe that was the point all along.

They exist, and their art - which brings them and everyone around them great pleasure - honors the artist.

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Getting to the point

But what does this have to do with productivity and achievement? For someone like me, productivity feels like a drug. If I’m not busy doing something - anything - I can start to feel like I’m not doing enough, therefore I am not enough.

When this is soaked in christian sub-culture, or looked at with a skewed version of what it means to be holy, I might start to think that staying on mission means I have to volunteer for everything, serve here or go there, break the bank to have my kids at a christian school, sign up for the PTA, give give give… all until the cycle becomes crippling. It also might come with heaping amounts of guilt anytime you choose rest, especially if it means you turned something “holy” down so you could sleep in a couple of hours.

But just like I delight in my children simply for their existence, I believe God sees his children the same. But the difference is, his love is perfect. It’s truly unconditional, which means I don’t have to do anything to earn it.

If you, like me, have struggled with an addiction to productivity, consider this: If the desire for productivity comes from a deeper belief that your worth is measured in what you accomplish, perhaps God wants to take you on a journey of stripping away at your long list of to-dos.

If you’re willing to go on that journey, here’s what you can expect (in my experience):

• There will be a painful season of wandering that will feel lonely because, from your own perspective, you are quite literally contributing nothing but the bare minimum.

• You will learn that most of what you deem as ‘productive’ is really just distraction disguised as busyness. And an even harder truth to reconcile, you will quite possibly learn that you use distraction as a coping mechanism so you don’t have to feel the hard things.

• You will discover a sense of peace that comes only when you quiet the unnecessary distractions in your life (hello, social media!), resulting in clarity, focus, and perhaps even a fresh motivation and spark of creativity.

• You will realize that God doesn’t need you to accomplish his plans, but rather invites you to participate because he delights in you.

In the last couple of years, I’ve heard stories of life-transformation from people who found Jesus well into adulthood after living a life of destruction. In each of these stories, there is one common theme: God is always the one doing the saving.

I believe Christians today carry an immense amount of pressure, believing the lie that they are never enough. The lie, my friend, is that you have any control in the matter to begin with. I don’t know about you, but for me, that’s a huge relief.

• Your neighbor’s salvation does not solely rest on your shoulders.

• Your children choosing to follow Jesus is not something you can manipulate.

• Your unbelieving spouse is not someone you have to convince.

In fact, more often than not, I believe God is calling me to step aside. Perhaps he’s calling you to do the same?

Don’t hear what I’m not saying, which is that each of us should sit back and enjoy our lives, do absolutely nothing, and let God do his thing.

God has blessed each of us and called us to contribute. There will be seasons where our contributions come from a full cup and others where our cup is less full and our contributions look different. There will be times where our reserves are just enough for our family and we have to say no more than we’d like. There will be times when we feel well-resourced, and God wants to use our surplus to help someone in a time of need.

Regardless of the season, though, we must always remember that our job is to just show up and be open to how God wants to use us. It’s not to produce, achieve, or accomplish, and if we do achieve or accomplish something, it will be as a result of dedication and faithful work that should ultimately point back to him, not busy distractions.

Be careful not to curate a busy lifestyle that ultimately pulls you from what matters most.

Perhaps the most holy thing you can do today is cook breakfast, go for a walk, read a good book, check in on your mother, or help your daughter with her essay. You never know how God is going to use the faithful willingness in the small things to produce a harvest of abundance. And whether or not you get to see the fruit of your simple labors or witness the harvest, just remember that you were invited to participate in work that he created in advance for you to do (Ephesians 2:10) and there’s joy to be had in that.

So let go of the outcomes and simply show up, ready to enjoy the dance.

Until next time,

Danielle

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Random side note - I knew nothing about Tullian until summer of 2023 when my small group decided to read a beautiful book he had written called One Way Love: Inexhaustible Grace for an Exhausted World.

Two couples in our group were familiar with his work and had really connected with his grace-chasing message that offered fresh hope for people who had walked under the umbrella of shame over their own hurts and mistakes. Part of what makes Tullian’s take on this so fascinating is the fact that he experienced a public moral failure when he resigned from his position in 2015 as lead pastor of Coral Ridge Presbyterian Church because of an extramarital affair.

Now here’s the crazy thing. There was one couple in our small group who was beyond uncomfortable with the fact that we were reading - studying, in fact - a message on grace from an author who later admitted to adultery. The discussion in our group grew so heated at times that it quite literally ended in a mutual parting of ways. Some of us continued to engage for a while, but it was very clear that this author’s unjust actions skewed the lens in which his work was being absorbed to the point that we couldn’t just agree to disagree on our takeaways. No, an unnecessary line in the sand had been drawn and division was the result.

I hadn’t thought about Tullian in a long time, and then I saw this post, which stopped me in my tracks:

For the first time, someone had put words to what I’ve been feeling for a long, long time.

My so-called, christian subcultured life

I have been a christian most of my life. You could say I was raised in an environment that was fully submerged in christian subculture. I was baptized at age 6 and spent my entire childhood in a very actively engaged Christian home. There are a lot of homes people might describe as religious, in that the practices of church-going, prayer, and bible-reading are all prevalent. In my home, that was true, but it wasn’t just that. My parents actually walked the walk and talked the talk. Not only were the practices of christianity alive and well in our home, we talked about them - what they meant and why they mattered.

That said, I was very much sheltered and everything about my upbringing was prepackaged and served up with christian versions. I listened to christian music, we watched christian movies, I had christian friends from christian families, I was homeschooled with a christian curriculum… you get the idea.

I am thankful for the foundation of faith that my parents instilled in me as a child. God knows where I would be without them. In most ways, it set me up well as I entered adulthood and had to make sense of my own faith. As I’ve grown older, though, I’ve noticed something interesting about the Church in general, and that’s this: we’ve done a really good job of packaging the messy and broken things in our lives in a big, beautiful box of positivity. While we are excellent at pointing out the moral failures of others, we are so uncomfortable admitting our own sin or simply what makes us human, so we pretend with toxic positivity.

I’ve lived out my own moral failure and am intimate with the shame that hangs overhead as a result. Here’s what I know to be true. There is something subtle, yet transformative that happens when a follower of Christ goes to hell and back. When they’re met with the consequences of gratifying the desires of the flesh, knowing full well that they deserve to be left alone and afraid in the wake of their decisions. I think Tullian and I have this in common.

When you’re in that place, you have two options. You can either return home, much like the prodigal son who came to the end of himself, or you can dig your heels in further, which - if you’re being honest - is what got you into this mess to begin with. We all have our breaking point, and praise God for his patience toward us rebellious ones.

For those of us who took the first option, it’s because deep down we never forgot who our Father was and even if somewhere along the way we lost the plot, our human brokenness reminded us that our identity is directly connected with our Creator. So we chose the path that follows the Rescuer - because, over and over again, we desperately need to be rescued.

When you’ve been the lost sheep, your need for forgiveness becomes glaringly obvious and the “overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love of God” is what you cling to as if your life depends on it. Because now you know for sure that it does. You’ve been to the end of yourself and you know you are just one bad decision away from being there again.

When grace gives you what you don’t deserve

When grace goes beyond a Bible story and quite literally saves you when you least deserve to be saved, you start to see humanity a little differently.

You start getting honest about your pain. You start calling out the BS because you know exactly what it looks like. You stop seeing humanity as us vs. them when referring to the unsaved, because you know that the only difference between you and the world is that you said yes to the Rescuer.

More importantly, you start to open up more, telling people you trust when things are hard… so hard you want to quit/scream/drink/spend money/lust/<insert vice>, because you know what happens when you pretend. Pretending leads you to believe that you’ve got things under control, that you can be trusted, and that admitting fear is defeat.

But don’t you see? That’s the whole point. You will always lead yourself to places of dishonesty and decisions that lead to brokenness. This is exactly why you need to be rescued. When you’ve been in those trenches, you’re keenly aware of your lack and not afraid of being brashly honest about it.

I think this is what Tullian is getting after. The subculture of christianity is some of the most exhausting, overproduced, scripted storytelling And most of it is just pretend.

What Corrie ten Boom taught me about forgiveness

I recently listened to a morning devotional from Lectio 365 where they shared the unbelievable story of Corrie ten Boom. On this particular day, they highlighted Corrie’s story and how her family hid Jews during the holocaust. Corrie and her family faced extreme suffering and she talks about this and the power of forgiveness in her memoir, The Hiding Place.

Later in her life, she was met face-to-face with one of her captors. She had spent years practicing and teaching others about forgiveness, yet here she was met with the reality that she was unable to forgive this man. In that moment she prayed. “Jesus, I cannot forgive them. But would you give me your forgiveness?”.

The honesty and rawness of that prayer is everything.

This is someone (not by any fault or choice of their own) who had been to hell and back. Who met suffering face-to-face and fully understood the brokenness of humanity. This is someone who had done all the right things, but was still willing to admit her own limitations.

Sometimes the most honest thing we can do is admit who we are and who we’re not.

So please, keep pursuing joy, and telling the beautiful story of grace in your own life. But don’t leave out the rawness of what makes you human. Don’t forget to recognize that you are flesh and bone and that your feelings and desires are sometimes messy. When you stub your tow, your natural reaction isn’t to talk about what a blessing that was. It just hurt like hell and that’s okay to admit. In fact, it makes you more relateable… more human.

And one more thing before I go. If you haven’t heard Mumford and Son’s song, Here, off their newest album, Prizefighter, check it out below. I’ve been listening to it on repeat the last few weeks. It might be the most simple song I’ve heard in a long time and yet somehow, it reflects the human soul. What a mess we are.

Until next time,

Danielle

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We’ve been having a lot of deep, impromptu chats lately. Late-night conversations about life, the Bible, her place in this world, difficult friendships, and why feelings of sadness have this way of overpowering the good sometimes. These conversations have stretched me more than I can express. They’ve left me feeling completely humbled and yet so fragile, as I face the obvious reality that I am in no way equipped to answer all her big questions, but God is and he is the God who sees her (and me).

I pray before, during, and after every conversation, and let me tell you, I’ve never felt such utter reliance on God as I have in these recent meet-ups with my precious girl. Reliance on the power of God to work through me so that I am able to respond with grace and certainty. Reliance on him for every word that comes out of my mouth. And reliance on him to keep me from reacting from my own human position that wants to take everything at face-value, remembering instead that God holds her heart, mind, and soul in his hands - not me.

Lately, she’s been taking screenshots of different Bible verses and passages that she doesn’t understand. She’ll show me the verse she discovered and ask her impossible questions, and all the while I keep thinking that I could ruin this for her. I could be the catalyst that pushes her away from a flourishing faith - OR, I could point her closer to Jesus by meeting her in her doubt, concern, frustration, and pain, and perhaps encourage even more questioning.

One night, just a few weeks back, we were having one of our chats and she looked at me with a quiet confidence and said, “mom, you’re so good at explaining things. You should be a pastor.”

Me? A Pastor?

I know that God has gifted me as a communicator. I’ve seen that come to fruition in more ways than I can count. I’ve taught others to strengthen their own communication, often wondering why this doesn’t come as easily for others. I’ve seen this gift advance me in my career, soften conflicts, and more recently, raise teenagers who are exceptional communicators.

But I have never, not in a million years, thought of myself as a pastor. In fact, when she said those words, I laughed in the way I imagined Sarah laughed when God told her she was going to have a baby in her 90s. But those words have lingered in my ears and I keep hearing them over and over.

My complicated history with vocational ministry

I recently read some data about how women are leaving the local Church. The percentage of male attendance is up, reversing a declining trend in the last couple of decades. But for women, the story is reversed and more and more (especially millennial) women are not attending. I have some well-earned thoughts on this.

Let’s rewind the clock about 10 years. I was in my early thirties and my husband and I were barely keeping our heads above water with young kids and a mortgage we couldn’t afford. That year he was laid off. I had already decided I was going to go back to work, but the answer to when that would happen was now staring us in the face. The time was now, even if we didn’t feel ready. It was a rough year. The first job I took ended up being a disaster and I left after 3 months. Shortly after, I landed in a really fitting role for me at our local church, which happened to be a large, multi-site mega-church. The reason this is significant is because churches that fall under the ‘mega-church’ category operate a little differently. They typically have a large paid staff with an org structure not much different than what you’d see in corporate America. Even titles (aside from pastor) carry with them similarities to functions and levels of seniority, ranging from coordinator, administrator, manager, director, etc.

When I first started, I was in a mid-level position working a part-time role in a marketing and communications function. It was a good foot-in-the-door that offered me flexibility to be more available at home (which was critical at this season), while giving me great exposure to a field I loved and already had some experience in.

Only a few months after starting though, my manager left, and the door opened quickly for me to advance into a role I really wanted - a position of leadership that would really stretch me professionally. I will save that story for another day, but wanted to provide this backstory to give a little context into my position and opinion about why so many women are leaving the Church.

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Maybe women aren’t leaving the church, but redefining it

I worked for this large, multi-site church for 3 years. I have also attended church my entire life. I have had a thriving, professional career since I stepped away from vocational ministry in 2019. My decisions to step away had a lot to do with how I was treated as a woman. I never walked away from the Church, however, but I did walk through a real season of grief and reconciliation over what I had experienced.

The Lord has been so good to me through it all.

Let me be clear: ministry is for every believer and vocation does not dictate a level of holiness. Everyone who follows Jesus is called to ministry. And your ministry starts with where you are and the people who are already in your life. I believe this in my bones. Your ministry is where you are planted. If you are part of the body of Christ, you are a living and breathing representative of the Church wherever you go and in every interaction you have. The Church is not an organized liturgy, but a living and breathing people who represent the kingdom of Heaven on earth.

My story is not everyone’s story, but as I’ve been seeing this data come through about women leaving the Church, I can’t help but wonder if…

Women aren’t leaving the Church as much as they’re leaving the confinement of a system that has silenced them. Women who are following Jesus with a heart for leadership will follow their calling even if it means breaking down walls to do so.

When women are overlooked, they will not remain compliant. We will go where our voices make an impact. We will build churches in our living rooms, disciple our teenagers and their friends, share our gifts on social platforms, and lead well in our various professions.

We will do what women have always done. We will tear down and rebuild. If we are the Church, her expansion goes with us.

And here’s the thing. It’s not that we don’t want to be collaborative with our brothers in Christ. We desperately do. We have been asking… seeking… hoping for a seat at the table for a long time. And yet most of our brothers care far too much about the clothing we choose to put on our body and not about the vision we hold for the future. They choose to focus on their limited perspective of submission by putting women in a beautifully tailored box. Because of this, they can’t fathom the idea that women’s voices have the power to maximize the gospel mission outside of the only structure they’ve ever known.

Brothers, have we lost sight of the goal?

Women have been overlooked far too long. We have been siloed into positions limited to shepherding children and administrative tasks, which are beautiful giftings, but not the sum of our vast capabilities. Our value is not solely in our ability to keep things organized and send well-written emails. Many of us have married men who change diapers just as well as we do. Please stop assuming you know where we belong and simply ask.

Ask what we see, that you don’t. And then be ready to listen while holding grace, because the hearts that will be open enough to pour out honestly, will be ones soaked in tremendous grief.

The motivation in me that desperately desires to amplify women’s voices has been stewing for the better part of a decade. I didn’t know it then, but every interaction, every set-back, and every defeat was training grounds. God will use it for good - he already has. I have great hope for the Church and for the women who will continue to carry the message and hope of Jesus to the dark corners of the world one listening ear and one conversation at a time.

Because listening is something we’re good at. Communication too. We may not do it in the same way, but just ask my daughter… she says I should be a pastor.

Everyone knows going back to work after a holiday is tough. And when everyone decides to table their projects until the new year, things get real really fast when that first Monday in January hits.

But that’s just one part of the story, because life - generally speaking- has this way of spiraling in various directions and doesn’t even think to ask permission. Rude. You have a busy week at work? Let’s pile on some parenting stress or give someone in your house the flu.

I had the best, most gloriously relaxing holiday. So uneventful in fact, that there’s just not much to write about. The best part - for me - about taking extended time off that doesn’t include a whole lot of travel and activity, is the part where you slowly start finding yourself sleeping in again like a teenager. Sleeping in and staying up late - like midnight! That, and eating off schedule. Want espresso at 5pm? Why not! A snack at noon and a meal at 3? Go right ahead. Some nights I just skipped dinner and ate whatever sounded good late into the evening. Don’t get me wrong - I love a good schedule, but it’s nice to mix things up every once in a while and give your mind and body a break from the routine.

Some treasures from new year’s eve:

Routine is exactly where I sit now, on the other side of the first full week of 2026. I’m here in this coffee shop on a Saturday, more grateful than ever that God gave me this unexpected time to write. Amidst co-running a home, having a full time career, marriage, raising two teenagers going through their own unique grief and joys, I sit here feeling thankful… and curious. Thankful that I am here living out my unique story while equally curious about what that story is that I need to tell.

Curiosity it key when it comes to discovering new possibilities on the horizon and old habits it’s time to walk away from. It’s the gateway to deeper, more honest relationships. It’s the difference between staying oblivious and making informed decisions. More importantly, remaining curious helps me to hear that still, small voice from God.

One thing I’m trying to challenge myself with more in this next year is asking better questions. This has been a helpful strategy in my professional life, but more importantly, I’ve noticed the impact it’s made when I’ve applied this in my relationships.

Here’s the secret, though - it’s not so much about the questions you ask, but the fact that asking good questions forces you to be a better listener. That, my friends, is what separates the shallow from the deep.

So I’ll leave you with this:

What would it look like to listen well and talk less?

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Stay curious,

In early September, I decided to opt-out of social media for an undetermined amount of time. I was struggling to focus, felt constantly preoccupied with unfinished thoughts and worries that were not always my own. I carried this disjointed brain-stew to bed with me at night and woke up each morning unrested and tense.

Hope had gotten far away, which isn’t typical for me. I’ve always been good at finding the good. And I don’t mean in a hypocritical denial sort of way, but from an honest place of gratitude. I can see the light through the end of the tunnel. I can see beauty through the ashes; restoration after the tear-down; the opportunity to build-up after someone (or something) has been broken. I can see that hope is real and always worth fighting for.

But the fight started to feel like a losing battle. Have you ever noticed that with every piece of good news, social media meets you with 100 more pieces of bad news? And to make matters worse, it’s getting harder to tell what’s real from what’s fake… or at least manipulated. In fact, I’ve resolved that it’s all manipulated. We’ve gotten so good at shaping the story from our perspective. There are billions of fake “journalists” hiding in the dark corner of their internet to drive their point home. Billions of opinions not grounded in truth, and we’re supposed to make informed life-choices based on that?

And even if you push back and say, “this is not where I get my news”, it really doesn’t matter if you’re consuming it in warp speed. You’re still taking in a message - whether you asked for it or not; whether you believe it or not - that has taken its talons and latched onto your psyche. It’s like watching a horror film and not being able to unsee those dark images you wish you didn’t have to take with you for the rest of your life. And just like that extra slice of pizza you shouldn’t have had last weekend, even if your mind forgets, your body will not.

Stop pretending that what you’re consuming isn’t changing you from the inside out.

Social media is a machine in which you opt-in to the over-consumption of what you didn’t go looking for and hopefully, if you’re lucky, you’ll wake up and realize that you’ve traded your peace for a barrel of lies and manipulation.

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Practicing what I preach

Before you think I’m getting all preachy, let me be clear: I loved love (I’m working on it) social media - not just as a consumer, but as a creator. Communication is my gift and social media was an outlet that allowed me to play in that space and get in front of people I wouldn’t have been able to otherwise.

I love the art of speaking, writing, and storytelling. But I started to find myself allowing the machine to distract me from the actual thing or calling I so enjoyed. I was spending hours trying to come up with topics that would attract new and existing viewers, get likes and shares, so I could grow my platform and… and.. well, then what?

When the focus is aimed at the machine rather than the art, you’ve lost your why.

I’ve always wanted to publish a book - that’s one of my dreams. But the real motivation that drives me is expression through words. I love artful storytelling and social media was my avenue to do just that. But then all the content got mixed up in platform-building and algorithms that I frankly don’t understand, and I believed in this lie that said “if I just had a following (who knows what that number is because it’s never enough), maybe I could publish a book that people would want to buy.”

Who cares about writing for the sake of writing, or empowering others through story out of pure inspiration. When the machine says you have to grab their attention in 3 seconds, you’re chasing hooks rather than inviting people to think. And so it goes… the machine continues to churn and burn, more than you can handle, and while consumers lose their ability to focus and discern lies from reality, creators have started to look like an army in uniform.. all dressed the same, marching in unison to the beat of king Meta.

I decided I had enough. After I witnessed the unraveling of a whirl-wind of events on the internet that took place in my life personally and in the world over the course of a few months, I started getting serious about what life would look like if I just opted out. I started filtering every piece of information I saw on social media - good and bad - and asking myself (or maybe God), was this meant for me? In most cases, the answer was no. I may have seen it, read it, or watched it blow up on the internet, but that doesn’t mean it was meant for me - to take up space in my brain.. my body; to divert my attention away from the people and things that are, in fact, for me.

I realized, the more distracted I am here, the less available I am where it matters. I had become over-extended through over-consumption. If I wanted to be the best version of myself - the best mother, the best wife, the best daughter, the best sister, the best friend, the best neighbor, the best leader… an influence of good in the spaces where I’ve been planted - I needed to pull the plug on what had been robbing me of just that.

How things are going now… after, you know, opting out and stuff

It’s been almost 3 months since I deleted the apps from my phone. I still have my accounts and I still check them through the browser on occasion. It’s not a perfect system and while I’d like to say I’m completely off, there are a couple of personal reasons that have kept me accessible within these platforms. Who knows… this may change tomorrow, but I’ve decided it’s not something I have to put rules around. All I know is that within a matter of days, I started to regain my peace. I started to experience clarity where things had become hazy. I spend more time reading, slowly and with enjoyment. I have more space for the cares and worries of the real people in my life. I don’t lay in bed at night worried about the crime report I read for a city I’ve never been to thousands of miles away.

I don’t live under a rock, and I’m not suggesting you should, either. I read the news and follow what’s happening in the world on a daily basis. The difference now is that I choose what I consume and what stories I want to know more about. I choose the media outlets to follow and am less inclined to see some random person with an opinion has decided that onions are now bad for me, sending me down a research endeavor that nobody asked for.

Another thing I’ve experienced since opting out of social media is noticing the small but significant ways that beauty still shows up in the world. I couldn’t help but feel completely burdened after scrolling on social media - even amidst some incredibly encouraging and life-giving accounts that I follow. But the more I’ve filtered what goes in, weeding out the noise, the more I’m noticing the goodness of God in the land of the living. It’s been there all along, I just didn’t have room for it.

When we clear out the clutter, we make room for more substance.

I can’t help but think there are more of you out there who have wondered what it might be like to simply opt-out and live life free of the social media distraction. And if that’s you, let this be validation that you can, in fact, get your actual life back.

It’s me, Danielle. And if you’ve forgotten who I am, I totally understand. It’s been a minute, but I’m officially unofficially back.

Like most of you, summer hit hard in all the best ways. Our little family of 4 wrapped up the last day of school and jetted off to Seattle the very next day to embark on a week long trip that would take us to Alaska and Vancouver to see parts of the world we’d never been before. Oh boy, was it beautiful! Here are a few snaps.

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Ready or not, here we come…

About Alaska…

It was cold and rainy and absolutely breathtaking.

From Vancouver, with love

Canada stole our hearts while offering us the best cuisine imaginable. I may just go back for the food alone.

The rest of the summer was filled with camps for the kids, a 4th of July getaway up north, and lots of slow and quiet mornings that were not just good for the soul, but the mind as well. As summer started to settle in, it became more and more apparent that my brain needed a break from performance. I needed to strip back, say yes to more fun (and rest), and let go of the list of to-do’s that haunt my sleep at 2:30am.

So outside of my job, I decided to take a break from podcasting, newsletter-ing, and even some of our volunteer work at church. It’s been a good break, and if you don’t practice extended breaks yourself, I strongly encourage it.

Back to business

I will say, I have missed writing and now that my routine is starting to take shape again, I welcome it back as part of my regular rhythm.

New name, same mission

You may have noticed a shift in title. Over the summer, I launched a new instagram page to focus solely on my career coaching and business consulting work. This is under the handle @leadwithdanielle. I kinda like it 😃 and it just feels a little more direct about my mission and focus with this work, which is (in case you need the refresher) to empower and equip professional women on their career journeys, helping them become strong leaders of influence both at work and everywhere else they lead.

If you’re on Instagram, I’d love to invite you to connect with me there, say “hi,” and let me know what you do for work.

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What’s Your Career Superpower: Take the Poll

This week, I’m hosting a fun poll to find out more about my readers and what their strengths are at work. I’d love to hear where you stand!

Why is it important to know and name our superpowers?

A lot of us spend a great deal of time chasing a purpose, but have overlooked the most important thing: our natural gifts & strengths.

When we identify our natural gifts and strengths - things that come naturally to us without trying (I promise, you have some!) - it becomes easier to make decisions about our future.

This doesn't mean you can't learn new things or grow your skills, it just means that there are unique nuances to our wiring that can help inform where we will feel most fulfilled. This is HUGE when it comes to our careers. It matters if you're building a business, choosing a degree path, or simply deciding what type of job to take.

Question to consider

I want to leave you with 3 question to consider this week - questions that will help you identify your strengths and ultimately increase your impact.

1. What are you 2-3 things you do exceptionally well that others often compliment you on?

2. Where are you spending energy in ways that don’t align with your strengths?

3. What would you change if you operated more consistently in your zone of genius?

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I hope your summer was as lovely and life-giving as mine.

Until next time,

Perhaps the glory days are right now

As a mother, I keep coming back to this idea of the glory days - the ones we’re living in right now. I keep thinking that every season is beautiful, that life ebbs and flows, and that one day, these rooms will be quiet and the sound of the electric guitar amped up in the garage will no longer ring through the house.

I know there will be a time that I miss that sound. A time where I’ll call up my son and long for more when we hang up the phone. And while those future days will hold blessing and beauty in their own sort of way, I also know that these days are an important investment. I’m investing in them in a way that takes SO MUCH WORK. So much time, mental energy, physical effort, emotional vulnerability… all so that they will be able to stand firm on their own two feet and make their way in this world as adults who add value to the people around them.

Now that my kids are older and dealing with bigger problems, I’ve found myself taking some of those things to prayer late into the evening as I try settling in for the night.

The Lord is teaching me that He works, convicts, and reveals things to people - he doesn’t need me to do that for him.

It’s not my job to do those things. It’s not my job to save my children or solve their problems. I can love them through their pain. I can listen. I can offer advice in love. I can pray on their behalf. But God is the one who conquers. He is the one who stands before them (and me) in every battle. What a relief.

The war requires me on my knees and Him on the battlefield.

This reminds me of Exodus 14:14, ^“The Lord will fight for you, and you have only to be silent.”

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When the ones you love the most are suffering

It’s hard to watch others suffer, and this is especially true when it’s our children. What I’m learning is that human suffering is a complicated and necessary part of life, but one that holds a tremendous amount of space for the sacred and holy work of God.

I used to think the goal was happiness - for me and everyone else. But the reality is that joy, and more specifically “the joy of the Lord” is our strength.

When my children (or anyone I love) is suffering on any level, I can hold space for them and their grief. I don’t have to fix it, but I do need to realize that the environment I’m creating and the way I react to their suffering will communicate one of two things to them:

you are safe here with me

or

you are not safe here with me.

And I promise you - if you send the message that you are not a safe person, people will find solace somewhere else. Your children will find safety somewhere else.

But if we are safe, if we create an environment that says “you are free to express your pain, to feel your grief, to ask hard questions, to get angry, to cry…” if we can sit with them in that and surrender these things to God, then we’re laying the groundwork that’s ushering in the joy of the Lord.

And that my friends, is our strength.

Are you ready to ask yourself the hard questions? To dig deep and really be honest with yourself about the level of safety you provide to those in your inner circle? I know it’s hard to face our own shortcomings as parents, but at the end of it all, I’d hate to look back and know that I was the one who caused the great divide in my relationships.

Questions for reflection:

Am I an over-reactor when it comes to my spouse/children?
Do I make decisions based in fear or love?
Do I trust my children? Why or why not?
Do I allow others to sit with their pain, or jump into fix-it mode?
How can I create safe spaces for the people I love?

No matter how you answered the questions above, I want to encourage you with this: there is no such thing as a perfect parent. Your kids are not looking for perfection, but rather presence. And if that means you take some time to just sit with them after a hard day at school, then do it. Be there. Offer them a snack. Remind them how God sees them. Show them whatever love looks like in that moment. Pray with and for them. It doesn’t have to be beautiful. Sometimes when I don’t have the words or even know how to pray, I just say, “God, you know what they need more than I do. Please, Jesus, help them. Work it out. Protect them and meet them in their need.”

And then surrender it and go to sleep <3

Until next time,

I find myself zooming through the days with very small bits of time left over at the end, which I keep in my reserves. Lately, this has been going toward date nights on Thursdays with my husband, being a sounding board for my kids (which means being willing to drop everything for a late-night chat or holding space for delicate emotions to be felt), and baking the occasional batch of cookies. Yes, cookies. There must always be time for cookies.

This is my mission field. My children, my family. Right now, they come first, and right now, they require a lot of me. When I throw in my job on top of all that, well folks… I’ve got very little left. There was a season not so long ago where I had more time for creativity, but I’m starting to feel the strain of trying to keep up with a pace that hasn’t been sustainable as of late. What I was doing 3 months ago is not something I can properly do now. And so, something has to give.

Which ministry are you serving?

My son and I have been involved in serving in the music ministry at our church, and while I love getting to do that sort of thing with my kids, it’s one of the things I’ve had to pull back on a little in this season. In fact, our pastor approached me a few weeks ago about serving in another area. One that I’m very comfortable with and would normally say yes to, but this time, I just can’t. I can’t commit one more weekend of early mornings, rehearsals, time away from my mission field. Every yes is a no to something else.

Protecting my time is protecting my humanity. I made the bold choice to do just that years ago and it’s served me well. It’s not so much about keeping healthy margin in my life, although that is part of it. What I’ve learned about protecting my time is that it’s a constant act of reflection. I’m always assessing my needs, how my body feels, how well I’m sleeping, my nutrition and physical energy, my relationships, my personal fuse. Am I at my limit? Am I about to boil over? I know myself well, which is a nice way of saying I’ve lived outside of these limits before and know what happens to my health and well-being when I start to flirt with the invisible line that separates thriving Danielle and depleted Danielle.

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Knowing and sticking to your values

There are some things I am just unwilling to lay down. These are my personal values, the core things in which I need to thrive in this life. For me, that’s nurturing my relationship with God, my family, my health, and showing up as my best self in my work. Obviously the first 3 need to be on point if the 4th one is going to be a reality. This means that commitments that fall outside of these 4 things are things I can manage ONLY if the core values are thriving and in a good place.

I’ve been regularly assessing these areas in my life for a few years now. Checking in with myself and being willing to let go of something to ensure that those other things are being met. For example, anytime I feel my nutrition or physical exercise is slipping, that’s usually a clue that some other area needs attention or I’m taking a step toward something that may require a reversal.

I’ve also learned that there are just seasons in life that require more out of us that we often didn’t ask for. This might be due to an unexpected health crisis, traumatic event, grief, etc. This can also be in the form of what might be seen as positive and exciting, but still demand a whole lot of energy. Things like planning a wedding, pregnancy, getting ready for a big trip - all demand a great deal, which often results in having to step away from another area for a short season.

If we keep piling one thing on top of another, we will crush ourselves. Believe me - I speak from experience.

So where am I going with all of this? For one, I want to be open and honest with my readers about what showing up for me looks like in this season. I remain committed to writing because it’s one of the few things I believe God has called me to actually do. And while I’m still trying to figure out what that means and use my voice in a way that honors him and blesses others, I know writing has a lot less to do with frequency and more to do with showing up honest.

The Brave Collective podcast will also continue, but I may dial it back to monthly episodes until I can get back into a rhythm that’s sustainable.

Reflection Questions

In the meantime, I’d like to invite you to also consider what a healthy, thriving YOU looks like. Are you living into that life or just surviving one day to the next?

• What would it look like to have a thriving life?

• What are your core values and are you keeping them in check?

• Who matters most to you and are you nurturing those relationships from a healthy place?

• Is there anything you need to dial back, let go of, or step away from?

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Life, love and the pursuit of happiness updates

So what have I been up to lately? Here are a few things going on in our world.

Music continues to take center stage

I’ll never regret exposing this kid (my son, 4th from the right) to all my favorite music when he was little. We never listened to preschool songs in the car. We listened to rock ‘n’ roll, the 90s alternative that I grew up on, his dad’s favorite old country, and anything and everything in between.

In sixth grade, it became apparent that this kid could sing. I mean really sing. He sang so much at home, but the idea of singing in front of others… that scared him.

In eighth grade, a friend convinced him to try out for the musical at school. His dad and I had tried to convince him, but he wasn’t having it. We decided we weren’t going to force the issue. But then his friend came along and that was just the nudge he needed. I’ve learned sometimes parents aren’t the ones who influence, but remain quiet prayer warriors in the background.

That was just two years ago. Since then, he has performed in front of hundreds on many stages. The fact that he was once scared of the stage is almost unbelievable.

And here he is, with some of the best friends of his life, doing what I believe he was born to do. Wow, what a gift it is to have a front row seat to that journey.

The wonderful wizard of oz

This week is tech and performance week for both our kids who are part of their school’s performance of Wizard of Oz. If you have theater kids, you know how insane tech week is. The one beautiful blessing hidden in it this year is that our oldest is now driving, which means we don’t have to carpool every day and pick up kids at 9pm every night.

Brown butter cookies

Baking is therapy for me. I wouldn’t even say I’m particularly excellent at it, but I do enjoy the process (cooking, too!) and have recently discovered brown butter cookies. I found this recipe on Instagram not too long ago and have since made a couple batches of these.

Everyone agrees - brown butter is a game changer.

Vacation planning

Last summer, my husband and I celebrated our 20 year anniversary. We were in a weird transition spot with his job at the time and travel just wasn’t possible. But we spent our anniversary deciding what we wanted to do THIS year to make up for it. We decided we wanted to do something totally different - an adventure that we’d never experience that our whole family could enjoy.

So we booked a cruise that will take us to Alaska and Vancouver, places we have never been before. At the time it felt like forever away. But now? We are leaving in less than a month and we are counting down the days, my friends.

I can’t wait to share some photos with you all!

So how about you? What’s been going on in your world? What are you creating, building, or dreaming about lately? What are you stepping away from? And please, share your summer vacation plans… it’ll be here before you know it!

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Until next time,

But here’s what I’ve learned: those voices in our heads that say we’re not enough? They only hold as much power as we give them.

This newsletter serves as a reminder that you do belong, your voice matters, and you don’t have to wait until you feel 100% confident to show up confidently to your assignment. If you’ve ever questioned your worth or wondered if your perspective really makes a difference — this is for you.

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I’ve always felt like somewhat of an outsider looking in. When I was about 7 months pregnant with my first born, I remember going out to eat with my husband and watching another mother with two young children by her side. All I could think was “I don’t fit in as a mom.” I felt like an imposter. I was never a typical subscriber to the “mom club.”

My friends couldn’t wait to have children and I was wondering if I was even going to like my baby enough. Spoiler alert - I happen to like my children very much :)

My career has felt the same. I graduated college with honors but as soon as I entered the working world, I had no idea what I wanted to do. I have been in so many rooms where I felt I didn’t belong. I’ve been disrespected as a woman, misguided by leaders, and experienced a lot of workplace trauma over the last 10 years. As a result, I often felt like I was two leaps behind where I needed to be.

I’ve learned something important from all of this, though, and it’s this:

That the feeling of being an outsider - that you don’t belong - it only has as much power as you give it.

When we start to allow these lies to take up residence in our minds, we begin to entertain the validity in them, and the dangerous result? We hold back. We remain silent. And everyone ends up losing in that scenario.

What’s really happening here, is that we are robbing ourselves as well as others. Let’s break this down a little bit…

We rob ourselves because holding back and choosing to refrain eliminates our ability to exercise our voice, offer our opinion, and take an active role in collaboration.

We rob others because our opinions and the perspective we hold are unique and offer insight that no one else has ever even considered.

YOU are the only person who has walked in your shoes, seen what you’ve seen, lived through what you’ve lived through. You have been shaped by unique people, culture, conditions and situations, and there is no one who has the same lens that you have.

This is exactly why healthy organizations value diversity from leadership that starts at the very top. An organization that values age, race, gender, and cultural diversity is one that understands that diverse thinking will expand boundaries like nothing else.

Just like a body requires different but equally valuable parts working together for a greater cause, we should realize that our contribution is also unique, valid, and necessary. Period.

Okay, maybe you’re thinking - “but Danielle, you don’t understand - nobody cares what I have to say and even if I do speak my mind, no one will listen.”

Here’s the thing. Whether or not you’ve been treated as if you belong or accepted by others is beside the point. What I’m talking about here is a posture of belonging - the way you carry yourself. This is a mind-shift that has to happen regardless of your circumstances.

You may have everything stacked up against you, but at the end of the day, you’re you and you’re the only you this world will see. There’s purpose in your existence and because of that, you belong.

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How do I get rid of this insecurity, tho?

Maybe you don’t struggle with the idea of belonging, but you feel insecure about your ability, about what people think of you, and in turn, you don’t have a lot of confidence. First off, I want to assure you that you’re not alone.

Insecurity is rooted in fear, and fear slows us down or worse, keeps us stuck in our careers and leadership growth. It’s critical that we not allow insecurity to be the dictator of our choices otherwise, it becomes the way we carry ourselves.

Imagine this: you’ve been told your entire life that you’ll never amount to anything. That you might as well put your head down and do as your told, forget dreaming, your life is essentially the sum of what happens to you.

You grow up believing that to be true and as you mature and experience challenges, you continue to feed that lie that said you’ll never amount to anything. I know this is kind of a dark example, but it’s one that many of us can relate to on some level. And if this is me, I see two ways forward:

• I can continue to believe and feed that lie and decide that I’m a victim. OR…

• I can play offense. I can choose a new narrative. I can decide that the fear that’s feeding my insecurity is based on a lie.

We must finally start answering back to those voices in our heads. We must choose to do things a little (or a lot) scared. We must decide that, even if it looks different than everyone else, we’re going to do it anyway. We must decide that - even if nobody else in the room looks like us, we’re going to walk in there with confidence knowing our voice adds value.

This is the first step in facing your insecurity head on and I want to remind you that you have what it takes.

Friend, there’s this lie that so many of us fall victim too, and that’s the one that tells us we’re totally alone in our struggle. I want to break that stigma and let you in on the secret that so many of us are trying to keep silent. Our struggles may look different, but most of us who feel called or drawn to positions of leadership (and probably those who don’t as well) battle insecurity and doubt at every turn.

And if this is you, my hope and prayer is that these words will encourage you and equip you with the tools you need to step boldly into your leadership capacity.

This week on the podcast

Last week on The Brave Collective podcast, I shared six strategies that will help you shift out of workhorse mode and into a mindset that’s focused, strategic, and impactful. Things like how to delegate well (even when you don’t have a team), how to protect your time and energy, and how to advocate for yourself without guilt or apology.

Because here’s the truth: you don’t need a corner office or a C-suite role to start thinking—and leading—like an executive. The habits, mindset, and presence of great leaders are things you can practice right now, right where you are.

If you’re ready to stop doing all the things and start doing the right things that move your career forward, this one’s for you.

🎧 The episode is out now—listen now!

Listen to Episode

Until next time,

Hey friend,

This week on The Brave Collective, we’re having a real talk about what it actually looks like to position yourself as an executive leader—whether or not you’ve got the title (yet).

We’re walking through six strategies that will help you shift out of workhorse mode and into a mindset that’s focused, strategic, and impactful. Things like how to delegate well (even when you don’t have a team), how to protect your time and energy, and how to advocate for yourself without guilt or apology.

Because here’s the truth: you don’t need a corner office or a C-suite role to start thinking—and leading—like an executive. The habits, mindset, and presence of great leaders are things you can practice right now, right where you are.

If you’re ready to stop doing all the things and start doing the right things that move your career forward, this one’s for you.

🎧 The episode is out now—listen in!

Until next time,

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We decided we were going to have a rematch. Who am I kidding. He was built for this game and I’m just here for the quality time. But yeah, it would be nice to dish up a bit of what he served me 7 days earlier. This time my husband wanted to join in on the pain fun.

It was a fairly uneventful game until, that is, we decided to do some trading. At this point, none of us had a leg to stand on. It would just go on and on, as we each worked our way around the board, paying out rent and collecting our income as we passed go. Trade deals were the only out of this mess; the only means to an end (and I mean the literal end of the game).

During our trade discussion, my husband offered up a pretty fair trade that would give us both a solid advantage. Before agreeing, I asked if he’d consider throwing in one more thing to sweeten the deal. To which my son chimes in, “that’s a terrible trade, dad, don’t do it” as if my husband can’t think for himself. “Mom, what are you thinking?”

“It doesn’t hurt to ask… what do I have to lose?” I responded, with a wink. My husband passed on the request (surprise, surprise) and we both agreed to do the original trade.

Of course I knew he wasn’t going to take me up on it, but truly, it cost me nothing to ask, except for maybe a few snickers from my kid.

I’m in my speaking up era

But this brings me to an even bigger point that I’ve been unpacking. I’ve talked a LOT about asking for what you want. It’s sorta the bread and butter of self-advocacy - the very stuff I teach on. The stuff that strong careers, healthy relationships, good boundaries, and unlocking potential are made of.

If you’re curious, here are some of those recent resources:

On the blog:

• Aging, Adulting & Asking for Ketchup

• Girl, Your Non-Verbal Cues Aren’t Cutting It

On the podcast:
Dreams Don’t Build Themselves: Why You Need to Speak Up

Speaking up. This is not a new theme around here.

When I learned how to leverage the superpower of asking for what I want, and applied this practice in business, the floodgates of opportunity opened up.

It seems so simple, and yet many miss this very basic step. This got me thinking… what is it holding people back from speaking up? What is it holding you back from speaking up? From asking for what you want? From saying THE THING out loud to whoever holds the power in making it a reality?

Is it the need to play it safe and keep the status quo? For some, maybe.
Is it easier to place blame and remain the victim? Gosh, I hope not.
Is it fear of rejection? Likely.

Which is it for you?

Anyone of these scenarios could be the culprit, and for some, it may even be a combination of reasons. But ultimately, I imagine that so many of us are afraid of rejection.

Ugh… I get it. Rejection stings.

Either we’ve been told “no” too many times and we’re not looking for opportunities to hear it again, or we’re fearful of what a “no” response means.

Is the risk of putting it all on the line worth it?

There is good news. As I thought about this more and more, I realized something important about our current reality vs. the bridge we build when we ask for what we want, and it’s this: when we ask for what we want, we either change our current reality for the better (request granted!) or nothing changes (request denied). And if nothing changes, we do, in fact, have nothing to lose.

Let’s just say there’s something in your career that you really want. Some adjustment about your status quo that would make life a lot more enjoyable for you. (Let’s be honest, there may be a lot of things that fit the bill here that are way out of your control. For this exercise, though, let’s keep in mind only the things that might actually be possible, mmmkay?)

That thing could be as simple as adjusting your schedule so you come in earlier and get off earlier, or maybe it’s getting some much-needed support that you assume the company can’t afford. Whatever it is, it’s likely you’ve already decided the answer is no, so you dismiss the idea and don’t ask. Or maybe you’ve asked before and been shot down.

To take it even further, some of us have a habit of going through this exercise mentally so quickly that the thought of asking doesn’t even cross our minds. Gosh, we do this in our relationships too, don’t we? I can’t tell you how many times I’ve dismissed something because I just assumed my husband wouldn’t like the idea - especially early on in our marriage. And maybe I was right, but it’s often unfair to hold things back and then build up resentment when others can’t read our minds. The same is true in our careers.

Stating our needs is not only freeing for us as individuals, but it allows those we work with to be aligned with what we want, so they can better support us.

When this translates to business, it’s important to be bold and clear with our ask. When we’ve built a reputation on trust and follow-through, we can confidently go to the powers-that-be asking for the things we want, no matter what the outcome will be. Why? Because even if the answer is met with a “no” or “not yet,” we plant important seeds that will impact us in the long run.

Stating your desires will open important conversations with your leaders. Planting seeds with our clients, partners, and colleagues will lay the groundwork for strong relationship-building that will impact your future engagements for the better.

So many of us either never think to ask for what we want or we assume the answer is “no” and make the decision for other people, while holding back our true desires.

But if asking never poses the risk of making things worse than they already are, what really do you have to lose?

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Questions for reflection

What is one thing you’d like to change that you never considered asking about?

What is one thing you’ve been afraid of asking about?

What’s holding you back?

What do you have to lose by asking?

Can you make a thoughtful case to support the ask?

As you go about your week and cruise through the month ahead, I want to encourage you to really reflect on the things you’d like to see change. What about your imagined future looks different, and what steps can you take to advocate for yourself in your work to start making that a reality? You hold a lot more power than you realize.

Until next time,

The best part? He is the most humble, kind human who makes time for everyone. He doesn’t boast about his accomplishments, but seeks to serve those who want to learn.

During the interview he said two things that really stuck out to me: the first was about leadership. When asked about certain leadership principals he adopted during his long-spanning career, he said it was all about learning. No matter what he knew or how experienced he was, his intent was to “go into every situation thinking I don’t know anything.” He talked about how a learner’s mindset would ultimately lead to new insights, and new insights would unlock key things that could give you an edge.

The second thing that stood out to me was about mentorship - a topic I care a great deal about. And yes, I suppose mentorship goes hand-in-hand with leadership, but I think a lot of people miss that. They think leadership is about being in charge, power, prestige, etc. But that’s so far from the truth, which is why it was so refreshing to hear from a decorated leader who actually got it right.

When asked about his biggest accomplishments and what he was most proud of, he said, despite the awards and accolades, it was the people he mentored along the way who were just coming up in their careers; watching them grow, seeing them lead in the industry now - that’s what has really stuck with him all these years. And then he added, “I learned from every one of those people.”

This reminds me of parenting. As a parent, it’s my job to teach, lead by example, and show my kids a better way of living, decision making, etc. Even if I don’t get it right all the time, I have way more life experience than they do and they are learning from me.

But - and if you’re a parent you know exactly what I’m talking about - there are times in my life where my kids have been the very best teachers. They’ve mirrored my flaws back to me in a sometimes painful, but impactful way. They ask me questions that push me to think more deeply. They challenge me to show up for them in ways I never imagined. If I acted like I was the expert and had nothing to learn… well? I’d be missing out on something really special. (Perhaps some of us are?)

When it comes to leadership, mentorship, and the broad influence we hold whether by choice or circumstance, there is always something to learn and the people in our sphere of influence really matter.

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Who is leading you?

Whether you hold a position of leadership or not, it’s safe to say you’re influencing someone AND someone (perhaps many) is influencing you.

Yesterday I spent a good deal of my day catching up on news, reading blogs, listening to podcasts between meetings and other work. I do this fairly regularly, but the mistake I made on this particular day was not setting a limit. To put it bluntly, I was over-consuming and at one point in the early afternoon I felt depleted, mentally stuck, and creatively uninspired. I couldn’t focus on any one topic and found myself jumping from one thing to the next because I couldn’t’ decide who I needed to be listening to.

Then I realized I needed to turn it all off. No more voices. No more noise. The distraction in my brain had reached an alarmingly loud volume and I couldn’t believe how my mind was responding. What was wrong with me?

As soon as I dialed it back, my senses started to return to me and I was reminded once again how discerning I need to be when it comes to who I allow to influence my time; and not just who, either, but how often. For me, the struggle of quantity is much harder than that of quality, so I must be careful about the amount I’m consuming because, as they say, you really can have too much of a good thing.

While it’s important to manage the mentors speaking into our own lives, it’s equally important (and rewarding!) to be regularly assessing and nurturing the people we find ourselves mentoring.

Becoming an influence for others

No matter what your age, experience, or place in life, I believe each of us are directly influencing others in our lives in some capacity.

Know the impact you’re making

It’s important for us to understand the weight of this in order to make a positive impact on others. If we go through life thinking our choices are our own and won’t impact anyone else, then all of our choices become self-serving to a fault. But if we realize that every choice directly impacts someone else and can even influence their own behaviors and decisions, we might think differently about our choices.

If you want to be a good leader, start by seeing the weight of your own influence and take care of those who look to you as an example.

Always be learning

Another step in leading others well points back to the story I told earlier about the gentleman in the interview. Always be learning and looking for opportunities to grow. Look at every relationship as a learning opportunity. You’ll be amazed at how others open up when they feel seen and are invited to offer their valuable contribution - especially from someone who is supposed to be teaching them!

Think of how communication with your children might change if they felt like their parents came to discussions with open ears and a willingness to learn from their child’s perspective. Think of how you might establish trust at work if your team feels they can come to you with concerns, ideas, etc., and they’ll be received with collaboration and support.

Approaching leadership as someone who doesn’t have it all figured it is a game-changer in every scenario.

Reflection Questions

• How do you approach leadership in your own life? Do you see yourself as someone who is always learning, or do you find yourself feeling the need to have all the answers?

• Who has been a significant mentor or leader in your life, and what lessons have they taught you? How has their influence shaped your own approach to leadership?

• In what ways are you currently influencing others—whether at work, in your family, or in your community? How intentional are you about the impact you’re making?

• Have you ever experienced a time when you over-consumed information or outside influence, like in the example I shared? How did it affect you, and what did you do to regain focus?

• What are some practical ways you can create space for learning in your daily life—whether through mentorship, self-reflection, or meaningful conversations?

I would love to hear from you - let’s discuss! Click below and let me know your thoughts to any of the above questions.

Leave a comment

As you reflect on these questions, I encourage you to take a moment to consider the influence you hold and the voices you’re allowing to shape your own path. Leadership isn’t about having all the answers, it’s about being willing to learn, grow, and create space for meaningful connection.

Whether you’re guiding others or seeking guidance yourself, embracing a posture of curiosity and humility can open doors you never imagined or expected.

Until next time,

The good news? Speaking up doesn’t have to feel intimidating. In my latest episode of The Brave Collective, I share why voicing your needs is crucial — and how it can be the key to unlocking your biggest goals. Plus, we’ll talk about the one simple question you should be asking yourself.

Here are a few takeaways from the episode:
✅ Clarity creates momentum. When you know what you want (and can communicate it clearly), others are more willing — and able — to support you.
✅ Your voice matters. Speaking up isn’t just about getting what you need; it’s about building trust and fostering meaningful connections.
✅ Small asks lead to big wins. You don’t have to start with a bold declaration — sometimes small, intentional conversations can create powerful shifts.

If you’ve been holding back, consider this your nudge to start advocating for yourself. Because dreams don’t build themselves — but when you invite others in, amazing things can happen.

👉 Listen to the full episode now!

Until next time,

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Visit my website here
Want to chat?: email
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Follow me on Threads here

Not every arrow pointing you in a direction is worth following. Some lead to growth, confidence, and opportunity—while others are fueled by fear, insecurity, or external pressures. So how do you know which ones to trust?

In this episode of The Brave Collective, we’re breaking down the difference between fear and discernment. Are you making choices based on wisdom and self-trust, or are you letting past wounds and outside opinions steer your path?

It’s time to sharpen your awareness, stand firm in your values, and choose the arrows that truly align with your purpose.

What You’ll Learn in This 10 Minute Episode:

🎯 How to recognize when fear may be influencing your decisions
🎯 The key difference between discernment and self-doubt
🎯 Why external criticism can cloud your judgment—and how to filter it out
🎯 Actionable steps to trust God and move forward with confidence

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Listen in,
Danielle

Featured Links:

Visit my website here
Want to chat?: email
Follow me on Instagram here
Follow me on Threads here

I’m crawling back to work this week, still feeling a little tired from an early-morning start and one sick child who didn’t make it to school today. This marks 4 days since the last time I found myself alone, working from home, basking in my routine. Since then, there have been other people (you know.. my family) to share my space with. And while I love my people, working from home has its challenges when it goes hand-in-hand with parenting responsibilities. I am grateful nonetheless.

This morning I spent half an hour on the phone with our car insurance company to find out that our new rate - after adding our teenage son - would essentially triple. I knew it would be a lot, but c’mon, that’s downright astronomical. So I spent the next half hour researching quotes and coming up with some alternatives. But forgive me for just not wanting to adult today.

But adult is what I must do, so here we are.

As I age, I like to think I’m getting better at managing responsibilities and this whole adulting thing. And while that may be true, I think what’s really happening is I’m just more comfortable in my own skin, even if that skin is starting to look a little different these day.

I looked closely at myself in the mirror last week. Even with makeup, I can see the way age has creeped up on me more prevalent than ever.

But it’s odd, really. When I look at myself today, I truly like the face staring back at me more than ever before. I see a real person with a real story who is learning what it means to live honest.

Honest about her struggles.
Honest about her faith and the uncertainties she takes to God.
Honest about her insecurities.
Honest about the people she feels unsafe around.
Honest about her sin.
Honest about her motives.
Honest about her grief… and her joy.
Honest about how much adulting she wants to do.
Honest about when she’s feeling unmotivated.
Honest when it’s just her hormones.

If you can learn to be honest about who you are, faults and all, and love yourself exactly as God created you to be, it will change the way you live.

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Last week I took my daughter to get some french fries. She wanted ketchup, but had forgotten to include that in her order. When the french fries came, she was embarrassed, and admitted she was afraid to go back and ask for the ketchup. So she didn’t.

I get that. I used to be her.

I asked the young man walking by if he wouldn’t mind grabbing us a few packets of ketchup. He pulled them out and I thanked him, and then I looked at her and said, “when you use your voice, you can get exactly what you want.”

There are so many times I kept quiet because I didn’t want to make a fuss or seem difficult. I’m still learning, but I’m really glad I finally found the courage to use my voice. This has helped me to grow more confident in the person I am today. To stand firm in my beliefs, opinions, and even those things I’m not so certain about (there are a lot more of those).

Using my voice has help me not only accept who I am, but like the person God has created me to be. I like the way he continues to call me deeper toward authenticity, letting go of appearances while moving closer to Jesus.

So yeah, I like this face staring back at me. And I hope you can learn to do the same.

Until next time,

The Podcast is Back!

For those who are listeners to The Brave Collective Podcast, we are officially back and dropping in your feed every other Thursday.

My most recent episode went live last week and you can listen in here, or anywhere you listen to podcasts by searching “The Brave Collective.”

*Don’t forget to follow or subscribe so that new episodes land in your feed when they drop.

Here’s a quick little teaser:

In this episode I’m sharing a personal story of when I was overlooked in a professional setting—despite having done the hard work and showing up fully prepared. Instead of letting it shake my confidence (like it did earlier in my career), I used it as fuel to reinforce what I already knew: I belonged in that room.

This episode is all about how to:
✅ Recognize bias without letting it define you
✅ Build unshakable confidence, even when you feel unseen
✅ Advocate for yourself and take the lead in your career
✅ Pave the way for other women, so fewer of us have to fight the same battles

Listen Now

Hey listener,

Have you ever been overlooked at work?

Or for the women in the room, perhaps you’ve sat in a meeting, spoken up with an idea, and then watched it get ignored—only for a male colleague to say the same thing and get praised for it.

Maybe you’ve worked tirelessly on a project, only to have your contributions downplayed or dismissed.

I know that feeling all too well.

In this week’s episode of The Brave Collective, I’m sharing a personal story of when I was overlooked in a professional setting—despite having done the hard work and showing up fully prepared. Instead of letting it shake my confidence (like it did earlier in my career), I used it as fuel to reinforce what I already knew: I belonged in that room.

This episode is all about how to:
✅ Recognize bias without letting it define you
✅ Build unshakable confidence, even when you feel unseen
✅ Advocate for yourself and take the lead in your career
✅ Pave the way for other women, so fewer of us have to fight the same battles

I truly believe this conversation is one we need to keep having, and I’d love for you to be part of it. If you’ve ever felt overlooked but know you’re meant for more, this one’s for you.

🎧 Listen in now

And if this episode resonates, hit reply and let me know—have you ever experienced something similar? I’d love to hear your story.

Until next time, keep leading with confidence.

If you’re not already, check out Brave Careers - this is my weekly substack focused on helping you build the career you want and advocating for the things you need along the way. You can subscribe for free here.

Brave Careers Newsletter

A couple weeks back I was listening to my daily audio bible as I got ready for my day. Since it’s still early in the year, we’ve been working our way through Genesis and more recently, Exodus. This particular week found me really honed in on the Jewish people and their literal exile out of Egypt. This exile came immediately after witnessing the devastating plagues that came over Egypt as a result of Pharaoh ignoring God’s command to let his people go.

God had just parted the red sea through Moses. With slavery behind them and their promised freedom ahead, millions of Jewish men, women, and children left the only thing they knew to become wandering, yet free people.

As we unpacked this together, imagining ourselves in the story, the reader said something that has stuck with me: “you can’t step into your promise until you leave behind your old identity.”

The allure of the past

I keep thinking about how the people constantly looked back to the familiar. Sure it was slavery, but they had a meal they could count on. Sure, they were being used and abused, foreigners in the only place they knew as ‘home’, but at least they knew what to expect.

I can so relate to that. To know what’s coming… the ultimate control of our circumstances. And yet, every day I’m faced with the reality that I have absolutely no control over anything. I say that I trust God’s plans, but what about that feeling of anxiety that sweeps over my body when my ground starts to crack? What about the way I go into over-correction mode when I worry all the pieces aren’t coming together, or how I over-think things when my words or actions have gotten the best of me?

God had a hope-filled future for the Jewish people - a place for them to be deeply rooted, a chance to build their own customs, and an invitation to go beyond survival and instead, thrive as the chosen people of God. He promised something they couldn’t even imagine for themselves. So instead, they allowed fear to pull their focus backward and began lusting for the common… the familiar… the expected.

We’re still part of the same song and dance, aren’t we? Thousands of years span between us, yet our stories are so much the same.

As I wrestle more and more with this truth, I remain encouraged as I think about what it truly means to trust God.

Trust is a choice

I don’t believe trust is always accompanied with complimenting feelings. In fact, trust must be a decision we make, despite how chaotic we feel on the inside. So while my body responds one way, I know in my mind what God says, and can remind myself to stay grounded in the truth, releasing my need to control and remaining open-handed with what God has for my unknown future.

Jesus is who he says he is.
His goodness is for me.
He has plans for my good.
He goes before me.
He is my portion, so I can wait for him.

The enemy wants to only instill fear and doubt. But hope is real, and I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Reminding myself of this today, friend, and I hope it serves has a beautiful reminder for you as well <3

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Questions for reflection

What about you? Are you a fellow wanderer who has found yourself longing for the familiar, simply because the desert leaves you asking, “how much longer, God?”

If so, I invite you to reflect on the following questions:

Where has God provided for me during this time of wandering?
If I imagine stepping into my promised future, what does that look like?
What does trust look like for me today?
If stepping into your promised future meant leaving behind your old identity, what are you walking away from, and what are you walking toward?

Until next time,

Do you ever read a scripture passage, and then perhaps hear another verse with a similar message the next day but in a different context? After a couple of times, you might think “huh, that’s a good reminder, Lord; are you trying to show me something?” And then, just as the reminder starts to fizzle a little, you hear the same message spoken out loud by a spiritual leader or pastor, only confirming the voice of God in your life. Whenever that happens, I feel like God is really laying out all his cards.

As you probably guessed, this happened to me this past week. What was the word God had for me?

“Wait for the Lord”

When the Lord goes beyond a whisper

I spent some time alone in my hotel room during my travels last week, which always seems to be a place where I find a great deal of intimacy with God. Maybe it’s the extended period of quiet, allowing me too much time in my own head. Whenever that happens, I tend to get a little anxious and fearful about all the things I can’t control. But ultimately, this leads me back to Jesus - seeking his peace to calm the storm inside of me. And he does, and it’s cleansing and beautiful, but - and I’m not gonna sugarcoat it - it’s also just plain hard.

During this time God gave me the verse, “The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.” Lamentations 3:4. I heard it said over and over as the gentle, soothing voice guided the evening devotional in my ear. “The Lord is my portion,” she said it again. “I will wait for him.”

“I will wait for him.”

That’s odd, I thought. I always pictured God always present, like he was waiting on US to show up; to come into HIS presence. And while I think that’s true, I hadn’t really thought about waiting for HIM. Is he late? Is he too busy? Surely not, but why am I waiting for him?

“The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.”

The next morning, I recalled the same verse as I sat at my boarding gate at the airport. My mind had been racing all night. It was still racing. Less than 2 full days before, a small American Airlines jet exploded in the air just before landing, killing everyone on board. Children. Families. Athletes. Americans. People. The news made me sick to my stomach. I fly AA constantly. I fly smaller aircraft when I travel between smaller cities. I was traveling AT THE SAME TIME this happened. It could have been me. It could have been me. God, why did this happen? God, what if it happens again? God, please calm my fears.

“The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.”

I will wait for him.

I sat there thinking about waiting for the Lord. I don’t know why, but in that moment, the very idea brought a smile to my face. I don’t know about you, but when I worry, my mind races. It goes a million miles a minute thinking about all the things I must figure out in order to feel secure - to feel safe. The mind racing is what causes me the most brain fatigue, so much so that I can lose hours of sleep over it. But not just sleep, presence in the moment and the mindfulness of my reality.

You see, the enemy uses worry and fear to trick me into believing chaos surrounds me and I’m doomed for disaster.

But God.

God is hope. God is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control (Galatians 5:22-23). God isn’t chaos. God isn’t disaster. God isn’t plotting my demise.

While I focused on this truth, I remembered the familiar words of an old hymn, “on Christ the solid rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand.”

Lord, even when it feels like the world is burning, you are a firm foundation. I can trust you. You hold my future. You are good. Hope is real.

In that moment, I knew what it meant to wait for the Lord. In that moment, I told my fear the truth, and God showed up and picked me up. I waited for the Lord, and he was right there. I realized that waiting for the Lord doesn’t mean he’s late or busy doing something else. It’s a bodily posture that reminds us that sometimes we must be still to allow God to work in our lives and in our hearts. It’s a reminder to trust. It’s a reminder to let go of having to control. It’s a reminder to rest.

“The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.”

Updates on my newsletter - what you NEED to know

For new and old subscribers, I wanted to provide an update on the future of my Substack. As many of you know, I have focused my content on 2 very different areas:

• Topics of faith and what God is teaching me about life

• Topics related to leadership and career development

If you know my story, you know the second topic is near and dear to my heart and as such, I’ve developed resources, classes, coaching offerings (I even have an event in the works!) - all designed to help professionals get clear about what they want professionally, learn how to advocate for their needs in the workplace, and find freedom in their work.

I’ve been sensing the need to get clear about my direction for a long time, but I’ve been waiting in that tension in limbo as I haven’t had a ton of clarity on the best way to move forward. There is still much to be decided, but for now I am going to split these topics into 2 unique Substack newsletters in an effort to better reach my desired audience within each group.

If you follow the Brave Collective for the faith-based content and don’t have an interest in career development, you don’t have to do a thing and I’m so glad you’re here!

If you enjoy the career & leadership development content, I will be moving those articles over to my Brave Careers Substack, which you can subscribe to for free here.

Subscribe to Brave Careers

If you’re wondering if Brave Careers is for you, here’s a summary of what I tackle in that newsletter:

- healthy communication strategies at work
- conflict resolution tactics
- tools to increasing your influence at work
- negotiation and strategic thinking
- goal planning and execution
- resume and interview support
- so much more!

Over the course of this month, I will be moving some of my work/career-related articles in my archives over to the Brave Careers thread.

For now, both newsletters will follow an every-other-week cadence. I promise not to bombard your inbox!

What about the Podcast?

As we approached the holiday season, I took an intentional step back from The Brave Collective podcast. If you’re a listener, you know I have extended that hiatus and have yet to return for new episodes this year.

I promise, I haven’t forgotten about you. I would like to bring the podcast back but want to refine a few things about the brand before I do. I appreciate your patience and will be sure to let you know as soon as we get back up and running again.

For now, I want to leave you with something that encouraged me greatly this past week. During a guided prayer session I followed on the YouVersion Bible app, I read the following prayer:

“God, even in the middle of hard circumstances, You provide for me. You protect me at all times, and You set me apart as Yours. Nothing can separate me from your love. No matter what I might face, I belong to the God who overcame death, and He fights for me and makes me an overcomer. Thank You, Lord! In Jesus’ name, Amen.”

Be blessed!

Until next time,

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Is it just me, or does January feel like it’s been 85 days long? I mentioned this to my husband in the early hours this morning, as he drove me to the airport for a very early flight. He remarked how it’s felt long and fast at the same time. It’s hard to imagine that the first of the year was just this month, and yet somehow so much life has been packed in these few, short weeks.

It’s funny how some seasons can feel long while others, short.

I mentioned the airport. I’m headed back to Ohio today where I’ll spend a few days in our company’s main office. I’ve grown to enjoy aspects of these trips, but wintertime in the Midwest is not one of them. Thankfully I’m going this week and not last week when the highs were under 10 degrees and people hunkered in homes to avoid the massive piles of snow mounds on the roads. I hear they have people who clear snow for a living in those regions…

Processing the sting of rejection

This week I was reflecting on the feeling of rejection. It came about during a recent conversation with an old friend, which reminded me of a season not too long ago… one where I experience a closed door in my life. It wasn’t a major surprise, and I immediately knew it was the right thing when the confirmation of “no” came, but I still felt the sting of rejection. When that happens, I immediately start doubting myself and begin to wonder, ‘why am I not enough?’

Perhaps this experience pushed on a core insecurity or maybe I just don’t like being told ‘no’. Regardless, as I reflected on this experience, now having the leverage of hindsight, I wonder if the better question to ask ourselves when we experience rejection is not, ‘why am I not enough?’ but rather, ‘why isn’t this enough?’

When we put ourselves out there in a new relationship, new job, or new opportunity, or alternately when what we’ve come to know so well gets suddenly taken away, we are ultimately met with rejection. Perhaps instead of defaulting to ourselves as the problem (which can quickly turn into a self-loathing party), it’s more insightful to consider what about this current reality isn’t enough for us.

Why isn’t this enough?

Why isn’t this current job enough?
Why isn’t my singleness enough?
Why isn’t my status enough?

What has rejection changed or not changed that makes us so uncomfortable?

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Taking back the power

The reason this is so powerful is because it puts the ownership back on us. Instead of playing the victim and wondering why nobody loves us / accepts us / believes in us (which is absolutely absurd), we can point the finger back on ourselves and get truly curious about why we wanted our circumstances to change or not change so badly in the first place.

To investigate ourselves in such a way gives us a deeper understanding for own motives and can help us tap into fears that drive us to avoidance, insecurities keeping us running, or some other hindrance that’s keeping us from feeling perfectly content in our present circumstances.

If you’ve currently felt the sting of reject, I’m sorry. I know it hurts to be told no or not yet. I know it hurts to have someone else chosen instead of you. I know it’s hard to accept that the future is so unclear and all we can do sometimes is wait. For what? Who even knows.

And if that’s you, currently waiting in anticipation while trying to recover from a recent rejection, I’d like to invite you to consider the following questions:

Questions for reflection

Why does this situation feel like rejection? Be honest.
Am I taking something personally that maybe isn’t about me at all?
What about this rejection stings so bad?
What about my current circumstance needs to change? Why?

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Rejections come in all shapes and sizes. Sometimes people can be cruel and unkind and reject us to cause direct pain. These are abusers and we need to remain clear about the difference between victim and perpetrator so we can build clear boundary lines when it comes to allowing this type of behavior in our lives.

But when it comes to everyday rejections that come in the form of small disappointments and moments when we feel passed over, I encourage you to get curious about what you want and why. Do some self-discovery and see what you uncover.

Maybe, just maybe, this will open some new doors to acceptance.

Until next time,