I have hit an unprecedented level of open tabs on my work and personal computers. My to do lists have to do lists. I have reached a stage where I’ve started buying furniture to try to organize and make sense of my stuff because the idea of throwing things away feels overwhelming. And my memory kind of feels like Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones might have snuck in to my apartment and zapped me because I saw an alien. I can barely remember what I had for lunch, let alone if my life began before 35.

I don’t know if it’s the eclipse or Virgo season or perimenopause (it feels like a slur to type), but I’m choosing to blame it on the first two because last week during the throes of my illness, I woke up one morning and hated everything I owned. So, yes this feeling of fatigue and general malaise must be the astrology of the world and the fact that every day I am bombarded with insane news like how our president is focusing on things like renaming Lake Ontario to Lake of America (?!) instead of rising inflation. Certainly these feelings could not be related to my aging hormones because I am really just a 36-year-old teenage girl.

But anyway, the point of this intro was that I am on an organizational journey because I think when I get very overwhelmed by life, I start looking for a tangible thing I can control and sort. I’ve been trying to move out of my apartment for years, but it’s been nearly impossible to find the same amount of space without spending an ungodly amount on rent. I kept telling myself I would buy new furniture when I moved. That I would decorate the next place like someone who was calling it a home and not a corporate apartment they pass through quarterly. Sadly, that day still hasn’t come. So, here I am purchasing a couple storage items and dreaming of being a minimalist in a modern home in Norway where I sip a cup of tea (yes, in my fantasy I enjoy things like that) while looking out at the Fjords feeling unburdened by the weight of my things. Though in reality, I am living in my Miami apartment with no storage space, looking like I am pioneering the art of stuffmaxxing.

To add to the overwhelming cloud I’ve felt this week, the passing of Dolly Parton and Tim Curry has been so heavy. Coupled with what happened in Nepal, it’s just been a week of so much sadness and not nearly enough joy. It’s 100 degrees at night. I’m being forced to contribute to climate change by using AI at work. And we are so short staffed I can’t even watch my shows on company time anymore. But I will not let the man get me down because in the immortal words of Dolly Parton, “It’s enough to drive you crazy if you let it.”

Next week, I will have more positive things to write if we do not lose anymore icons or have any more natural disasters. Ultimately, I must remind myself that today is a good day because I am alive and I have the luxury of writing a Substack where I complain about having too many things and my biggest problem right now is that my job is draining the life out of me and I want to buy an entryway cabinet. In the words of the formerly cool and insightful Kourtney Kardashian, “Kim, there’s people that are dying.” So, I will now check my wallowing at the door and organize it in my new decorative storage containers.

Subscribe now

What I’m Reading

• Dogs, Boys and Other Things I’ve Cried About

  • I was afraid reading this book would make me really sad about missing my dog, but it has honestly been super enjoyable thus far. There are definitely moments where I’ve gotten emotional, and I haven’t finished it yet, so more sad things could be coming, but overall, I am loving it. I’ll give more detailed thoughts after I’ve finished it this weekend.

  

What I’m Listening To

It’s a work in progress but…

What I’m Watching

• The Invite

  • I’d been wanting to watch The Invite for a minute, and when I saw it was out on Apple TV to rent, I immediately knew what my plan was for Tuesday night. I went into it blind, which I would recommend, and for the first hour I was laughing so hard. Seth Rogen’s lines and delivery are beyond hysterical. I don’t want to say much, but just know it’s a movie that takes place in Seth Rogen and Olivia Wilde’s apartment when they invite their neighbors over for dinner. It’s hilarious but it’s all pretty poignant when it comes to relationships. I hope it gets some Oscar nominations.

    

• Wish Upon a Star

  • PSA to my fellow Disney Channel millennials: Wish Upon a Star is now streaming on Hulu. When I saw it on my recommended list, I immediately hit play. At 10 years old, Alexia Wheaton rewired my brain chemistry. It was equivalent in levels to what Cher Horowitz did to me at seven years old. Much like Clueless, Wish Upon a Star indoctrinated me into thinking that in high school I would be gorgeous and have a boyfriend who adored me. I would shave my legs, paint my nails to match my outfit and blow dry my hair every morning. I’d drink Diet Coke at lunch, and we’d discuss things like Cosmo and the Pismo Beach Disaster with a large group of friends because we had range and depth. Unfortunately, the only thing that came true off that list was that I drank Diet Coke. Anyway, if you’re in the mood for a trip down nostalgia lane, go watch Wish Upon a Star and relive the days when people read magazines and went to Blockbuster and the cool girlies listened to music like Moonpools & Caterpillars. I will say watching it as an adult with a developed frontal lobe, I think her boyfriend was a little toxic.

    

• Bravo

  • Next Gen NYC

    • I can’t explain it, but watching Next Gen NYC makes me SO happy. It makes me miss being young! I love these kids, and I think they are so funny. Georgia being in awe of grocery stores (very me coded), Charlie saying to stop the slut shaming about Ariana in a rumor he started himself, Emira leaving anonymous Yelp reviews… It’s just incredible TV every single week, and I really have no notes.

  • RHOA

    • New teeth and nowhere to sleep. Angela Oakley is a star. I am so sad this season is over and I honestly need them to start shooting for next season immediately with no cast changes. Even Andy said it at the end, he had fun like he used to have fun. Yes, housewives used to be FUN. Sure, the women had their fights and there were heavy topics discussed, but it was ultimately an entertaining ride. Honestly, all the franchises should take notes on this.

  • RHOC

    • They should rename this show to “Everybody Hates Heather” because that is what we are getting every week for the 20th anniversary of Real Housewives. It’s honestly a crime. I am tired of them ganging up on Heather. I don’t even care what she does when the cameras aren’t rolling because it couldn’t possibly merit this kind of smoke. But alas, without Katie the women must fine another woman to hate to hide the fact that they don’t have anything important going on and this year Heather drew the short straw. Other than the Heather hate, Yassified Emily is too busy possibly being at the gym to help Shane with the kids. Carmella unexplainably has a reformer in the middle of her living room, which Emily should try so she can help Shane out once in awhile. And Shannon is spending $3,000 a month on Ubers leading me to wonder if she never got her license reinstated or if she is just hitting the town every night of the week. Either way, with bills like that, I know she is willing to throw on her best shamrock leggings and do what she can to carry this show on her back with Heather. After all, she has to provide a good life for Troy. I keep hoping this season will pick up, but week after week, it is my joyless watch.

      

  • Ultimate Girls Trip

    • The other ladies should thank Luann for carrying this show on her back with her angel wings. In the span of 30 minutes, the woman literally zip lined in to Kyle’s white party to sing Chic C’est La Vie with dancing bushes (much to the dismay of Erika Jayne, who I know was jonesing to pat the puss again) and then had to apologize for calling Vicki the “wrong fictional pig.” Lisa is having the best time she’s ever had on camera. Say what you will about Lisa, but when she likes you, she is your biggest hype woman besides Portia Umansky, who wants to book Lu’s cabaret show for her 18th birthday. We got a guest appearance by Bronwyn and Whitney. Two downers who showed up and made fun of Luann and attempted to throw Lisa under the bus to her new cast. Whatever they thought they were doing in that scene, it did not land for me. Meanwhile Gizelle has been indoctrinated with production. I imagine she is now at their morning huddles, planning and plotting on how to stir up chaos among the women. Porsha is comedic relief. Teresa is so much better when she’s uprooted out of New Jersey singing chic c’est la vie shabawn shabawn with pure unbridled enthusiasm. And Vicki, well, it’s a good thing she was inducted into the Financial Services Hall of Fame because she’s not getting any nods for her performance on this show.

      

• HBO

  • Lanterns

    • Lanterns is a show you need to pay attention to. You can’t be doing other activities and expect to follow what’s going on. That’s how I wound up watching the same scene 10 times. But I like it. I am curious where it’s going. And I’m happy to have a new Sunday night HBO show to get excited about.

  • Monsters of God

    • Operation Chameleon is now in full swing on Monsters of God. I am ashamed to admit that I look forward to this docuseries every week. There is an annual reptile expo in South Florida, and now I think I’m going to have to go next year to see some of these characters in real life. We’re getting one step closer to meeting the chief Malaysian smuggler, but the most interesting part about this show is that some of these reptile smugglers who ran reptile shops were selling to zoos! I’ve never actually thought about where zoos found their snakes and turtles, etc. I think I always assumed they captured them in the wild, which is probably pretty naive in retrospect. But it turns out sometimes they just BUY them from reptile shops and sometimes the animals they buy were illegally smuggled in. Also, some of these breeders are making millions a year selling snakes. I don’t ever want to be a reptile person, but I’m about one bad day away from considering a career change. The season finale is sadly next week.

• Hulu

  • Furious

    • I definitely thought this week was the season finale, so I’m elated that we get one more week of this chaos. Nora’s character has got to be my favorite on the show. All her dialogue is so good, and I was laughing at the scene of her doing karaoke bra-less in a Hawaiian shirt. The scene at the end where they play “We Found Love” as Catherine walks up to Jay Easton’s house hit me like a shot of adrenaline. I have a new love for people putting pop and techno music over scenes that should be suspenseful and I think this is an excellent example of how good it can be when done right. We got word on Thursday that Furious was renewed for a second season, so I can’t wait to see how the season ends and where they take it in season two.

      

  • Project Runway

    • I’m convinced they let season 22 win because Bryan’s dress was so bad that they didn’t feel right sending someone home for it. Since last week’s episode aired, the model in the tape and wires dress has been posting online about her miserable experience in it. This week’s challenge is for Dancing With The Stars, and we get to gaze upon the sexy pros in designs inspired by dance styles. There’s really no doubt in my mind who the winner would be when you see the designs. Bryan’s dress is beyond bad, and he must be stopped from these acts of terror on the runway.

• Netflix

  • Love is Blind UK

    • I have not made more progress on this yet- I will trudge through and have more to say next week.

• Paramount Plus

  • The Challenge

    • Is anyone watching The Challenge besides me and Lucy? I’m not sure, but either way, I am enjoying it. Deb took out Sydney’s knee this week causing Sydney to talk trash about Deb’s flat chest. I am not sure how the two are related but it made for great TV. There is a lot of suspect flirting happening between Anna Leigh (who is married) and Leo. I have now watched so many episodes of The Challenge that I recognized the old rope challenge, but I was cheering for Nelson to win. Every week this is an hour of TV I enjoy for what it is- a fun competition where people hook up with each other.

• My To Watch List

  • Prime: Elle

  • Peacock: Five Star Weekend

  • Apple: Cape Fear, Silo, Ted Lasso

  • Hulu: The Bear, Not Suitable for Work

Favorite Sales/Items I’ve Been Loving

• Nutrafol is doing their Labor Day savings event. You can save up to 25% on subscriptions. I’ve taken Nutrafol a few times and recently started taking it again. I’ve always had success with it if you take it consistently.

• Barnes & Noble is doing up to 50% off on hardcover books until 9/7!

• Ruggable’s Labor Day sale has started. They’re doing up to 30% off select rugs. They sent me a rug about a year ago now, and I do love it. I love that you can wash it (although mine is too big to wash at home). I would definitely recommend them.

• Aerie is running a promo where you can save 30% off with the code SOMUCHLOVE. They have a new collegiate collection that is super cute and fun for college kids, grads or millennials who want to rock their schools.

• Our Place is doing a sale sitewide for the end of the summer. You can save up to 45% off on their ovens and cookware, etc. They sent me a pan a couple weeks back, and it’s actually so nice. I can’t speak for if you were an expert in the kitchen, but for a novice like me, it seems great.

• Amazon’s Medicube sale is still going likely through the weekend. You can save on a bunch of products like the viral neck cream with the gua sha applicator, the pore toning pads and the PDRN collagen masks.

• Cured Nutrition is doing it’s birthday sale where you can save up to 40% off sitewide. My favorite products are pictured below- the serenity gummies are amazing for before bed, the salve is a life saver for sore muscles and cramps, and the rise pills (I clearly need to start taking them again) are great for brain fog and giving you a little boost of energy.

  

Miami Restaurants

• Unfortunately, I worked like 50 hours this week at my day job and I spent the first half of the week still recovering from my stomach plague. I have reservations booked for next week though because I am craving the outside world, and my therapist says I am hiding from dating.

Active Codes:

• Camp Snap Cameras - 7% off with DANIELLEP7

• Cured Nutrition - 15% off with DANIELLEPETERSON

• Eby Bras- 15% off with DANIELLEP-15

• Laundry Sauce - 15% off with DANIELLE_P15

• Mayfair - 15% off with DANIELLEMAYFAIR15

• Rachel Antonoff - 15% off with DANIELLEP15

• Ruggable - 10% off with DANIELLEP10

• Sunday Riley - 15% off with DANIELLE15

• Wiskii - 15% off with DP26R

Subscribe now

Last week I went to Sarasota (my hometown) to visit a friend and spend a couple days with my family. I broke out in a rash all over my arms and face (a precursor I imagine to the stories that will follow) and blamed my dad for not dusting enough. My dad doesn’t read this, so it’s a safe place to say I do not plan to backtrack that the rash was related to dust because I do think he should clean more. I didn’t realize it was a rash until I noticed it on my arms and hands, but I had already done the unspeakable. I had plied my face with retinol thinking the rash was acne, so you can imagine how that went. However, I would not let a simple case of contact dermatitis deter me from experiencing all suburbia has to offer, so I coated myself in concealer and went to downtown Sarasota with my friend. We grew rapidly concerned with each passing bar we entered into that they had never seen cool people before by the looks we got every time we walked into an establishment, but we unintentionally wound up at a bingo night where it was a lot of women who were supposed to yell “I’m coming!!!!” every time you got close to a bingo. We were convinced it was rigged because friends of the bartenders won multiple times. However, great times were had.

I then drove to Gainesville to celebrate my friend’s birthday. She sent me an invite saying goodbye to her 30s, so I thought it was her 40th birthday, but it was actually her 39th, and she has 365 more days to say goodbye to her 30s. I hadn’t been back to Gainesville since 2021 and before that 2018 when I moved out after my decade long tenure. After so long there, when I packed up and finally moved to Miami, I felt confident I had done everything I needed to do there except maybe have breakfast once at Cafe Risque. The town was already changing so much by the time I left, but it’s so crazy how much has changed now and how much has also weirdly stayed the same. If you ever went to school in a small college town, I’m sure the feeling is familiar. It felt so strange to walk around the streets downtown where my friends and I used to wreak havoc and know all the bartenders and the boys in bands and realize that now it was another generation’s turn to be young and exciting and not have a care in the world. Again, great times were had.

I drove back to Miami with a pit stop through Sarasota to drop off my dad’s requested barbecue sandwiches. I then went to another friend’s birthday party that was British themed. Leo season is crazy when you’re a Libra. I went to bed that night feeling fine and woke up the next morning thinking I was possibly hungover from one mixed drink, but the events that rapidly unfolded told me instead I might be dying of dysentery, and if this was the Oregon Trail, then my comrades would absolutely have thrown me off the wagon.

The next six days proceeded to test my will to live. I wound up at a doctor’s office where he told me there was nothing he could do and to eat the BRAT diet, clearly not knowing that Charli XCX had proclaimed Brat summer was soooo two years ago. So, I went home defeated, and the next day I found myself at death’s door, which is when I usually call my mom and ask for advice. She told me to go to urgent care, so I did and sat there reading my book until a doctor, who looked like an extremely good looking version of a guy I once dated, walked in and had to listen to me talk about all the stomach problems I’d suffered this week. It seemed the cure to my stomach illness was humiliation in front of a hot man, but at least this doctor listened to me (unlike my last one) long enough to run tests on me and inform me that I had e.Coli and Sapovirus and was not in fact overreacting. The hot doctor told me he would never see me again, which frankly after the experience I had there is probably for the best, but it doesn’t stop me from pining wistfully about what could have been if I hadn’t met him in an exam room after being possibly poisoned by jalapeños. So, here I am, six pounds thinner, running on very little food, fumes and now antibiotics, and writing my Substack for the five people who stumble across this. Let’s manifest a better week next week for all of us! PLEASE.

What I’m Reading

• I finished The Wedding People! I gave it 3.75 stars. I was so intrigued because my DMs were flooded by people saying they either loved it or hated it. I felt like the beginning really shocked me because I was not expecting it to be so dark, but by the back third of the book, I was kind of lost and the banter that worked so well in the beginning started to get old. I’d recommend it though especially because I think they are making a movie adaptation out of it sooner than later. I will say for me, the fertility part of the story was a bit of a tough read.

• I also finished A Good Person. I gave this 5 stars (really a 4.75 but we’re rounding up). It’s extremely dark. The main character is insane and insufferable, but at times you start to feel a little bad for her. Her inner monologue had me laughing out loud SO many times. I guessed the twist pretty early on, but I was loving every minute of getting there because she was such a train wreck. There were so many funny lines in it that I wish I had written. However, trigger warning- sexual assault.

• I’m now going to attempt to read Dogs, Boys and Other Things I’ve Cried About.

What I’m Listening To

Working on a new playlist, so for now I’m still on this one. But I am LOVING Remi Wolf’s new song Bottle.

What I’m Watching

• Bravo

  • Next Gen NYC

    • I say this every week but this is my FAVORITE show on Bravo right now. Yes, more than Ultimate Girls Trip. I love the youth. I love New York. I love the youth who live in New York. Every member on this cast, even Gia’s clingy dog they show in the confessionals and the silent girl who is in love with Liam, bring something fun to it. Dare I say, I am obsessed with Villain Charlie. Last week I was giddy watching Ariana give up her first class seat to chat with him on a red eye from Vegas to NYC, and this week my jaw was on the floor that somehow Ariana and Liam had now started effing and roasting carrots together (the latter is not an innuendo, just a Friendsgiving dish). This show makes me wish I was 10 years younger and still had the energy to ruin my sleep schedule for a walking red flag in a comfort seat.

      

  • RHOA

    • I am already depressed that next week is the last part of the reunion. This season was so fun, and I am requesting zero changes to the cast because I think they have really found their rhythm together. It does make me sad that Porsha and Shamea seem irreparable after so many years of friendship, but now they are bringing generations of women calling each other jezebels in to the mix, and it is looking pretty bleak. I’ve never seen Andy happier than when they played The Peach Life and all the women waited for the beat drop. That was an incredible 60 seconds that I plan to revisit often when I need a serotonin boost.

  • RHOC

    • I saw a Thread that was deleted by Danny Pellegrino asking how no one made sure the 20th season of RHOC wasn’t a flop and then it was deleted. Was he silenced? We’ll never know. I, however, will not be. This season is… not good. It would just be unmemorable if it was the 13th or the 8th but it’s especially egregious because it’s supposed to be a landmark season. Heather does not belong there. Yassified Emily feels kind of sinister. Vicki is on my TV too much right now. And Carmella is possibly trying to scam Jen, a woman who has suffered enough. I don’t know if they can turn this ship around but we’ve somehow been through at least seven episodes, and it’s all incredibly forgettable.

  • The Valley

    • I need a shirt made that says “I survived The Valley and all I got was clinical depression.” I didn’t hate the season. In fact, I may have kind of enjoyed it. But my god, it was bleak. The high points were Lala fighting with Danny, Zack hitting his head and the subsequent bandage he wore around Mexico, pretty much any time Lacey was speaking and the doink that was heard around the world when Janet hit Danny in the head with a red solo cup. The lows…. I would have to write a whole other Substack, but we can throw in Nia and Daniel, how much Luke seems to dislike Kristen, how Kristen seems to accept that Luke does not like her, and the theme song that I would suggest they scrap for next season and rework to everything is not all right. I’m going to say it. Don’t fight me. Let Scheana come on The Valley.

  • Ultimate Girls Trip

    • This week was kind of a snooze compared to the season premiere, but the highlights for me were Lisa Barlow crying tears of joy because she’s so happy to be on a show where everyone is having fun for once, how much all the women hate Vicki (specifically Luann) and the soft launch return of Crystal in her Ugly Leather Pants.

      

• HBO

  • Lanterns

    • The new HBO show is about the Green Lanterns who are part of an intergalactic space police force. It’s a superhero show, but in the typical DC fashion of late, it seems pretty dark. I’m excited to see where it goes.

  • Monsters of God

    • I have to say that I am obsessed with this docuseries I get excited every Thursday night when it’s on because I think it’s so interesting and the people are so weird. I get it- I’m also weird for enjoying it. But I am loving these stories about reptile smuggling especially because so many of them take place in south Florida. I think it’s actually super interesting and kind of crazy that there is a whole black market because people get off on having some weird colored lizard, but honestly, of course there is. Next week is a sting operation against a reptile trafficker in Malaysia called Operation Chameleon that I am giddy at the thought of watching unfold.

• Hulu

  • Furious

    • This week’s episode of Furious was probably the best episode of the series. The actors are all doing an amazing job, and the ending had me on the edge of my seat. I was obsessed with how long it took Nora to get up to her boss’ office, and Steve Way, who plays Alden, is kind of stealing the show. I’m kind of shocked they’re going to end it next week, and I’m curious if it will end in a way that sets it up for a second season or if this will be all the masterpiece we get.

  • Project Runway

    • I thought the paper towels challenge was the unconventional materials challenge, but I was wrong. This week the remaining season 22 cast battled the heavy hitters from season 21 and the results were equally mind blowing for good and also bad reasons. Brian had immunity and wrapped his girl in tape and wires. Bi and Joseph McCray made some of the coolest unconventional outfits I’ve ever seen. And Law told Jeffrey his look was trash. We’re back to doing cliffhangers for challenge winners, so unfortunately, I have to wait till next week to see who wins.

• Netflix

  • Love is Blind UK

    • I’m just getting going on this, so I don’t have a lot of thoughts yet except that I do not like Ciara and that I hope the “former investment banker” has saved enough money to take her on her $300 minimum spend dates.

• Paramount

  • The Challenge

    • I only have one thing to say this week for my Challenge recap… How has it been 20 years and Cara Maria is still not good at swimming??????

• Prime

  • Sterling Point

    • I had a dispute going with my group chat on what was the buzziest (i.e., most exciting) show to watch on Prime Video between Off Campus, The Summer I Turned Pretty and Sterling Point. I ranked them in that order and placed Sterling Point last. While I stand by that ranking, I think it unfairly insinuates that Sterling Point is not a good show. It actually might be a better show than the other two acting wise, but it just doesn’t have the romantic chemistry (aside from Ramona and Oona) that the other two do. There is no Conrad Fisher. There is no Garrett Graham. There is, however, Mark Ruffalo’s son being funny as hell, and two teen lesbians that have made me feel like I need to spend some time studying how to be cooler and that might involve reading more books while smoking at least five joints a day. It’s a great show in spite of my ranking. There is a scene in the final episode where Annie imagines all the things she would have done had her mom lived that might be one of the most heartbreaking montages I’ve seen in a long time. You will no doubt sob as I did. I’m so glad it’s getting a second season. The plot is absolutely bonkers, and I was doing mental gymnastics trying to understand it the whole time, but the acting is actually great and makes you forget that this entire thing started because Annie’s deceased adopted mother’s father left her and her fraternal twin brother and their newly discovered sister an island in Canada.

    

• My To Watch List (*newly added)

  • Prime: Elle

  • Peacock: Five Star Weekend

  • Apple: Cape Fear, Silo, Ted Lasso*

  • Hulu: The Bear, Not Suitable for Work

Favorite Sales/Items I’ve Been Loving

• As I’ve been fighting the plague all week, my credit card has been grateful, so here’s a few things I actually used this week:

  • Living Proof Dry Shampoo Mist

    • I got gifted this new dry shampoo formula from Living Proof, and I love it. It’s not an aerosol, but they describe it as a mist. I am usually not a dry shampoo person, but the formula on this really is great and does make my hair feel fresher. You definitely need to massage it in because otherwise it leaves your hair feeling pretty texturized.

  • Barefaced Toning Pads

    • I also got gifted the Barefaced Toning Pads and I’ve been using these on my neck and chest before I apply my serums lately. I have actually noticed that it is making both areas softer. I’m hoping it means that my skin is absorbing my serums better and the pads are helping my skin combat my wrinkles more effectively.

• Sales:

  • Elemis is doing 25% off sitewide for friends and family. I really love their pro-collagen day and night cream.

  • Bearaby is doing a back to school sale for up to 30% off. I love their weighted blankets and sleep with one every night.

Miami Restaurants:

• Kaiju

  • We popped in to Kaiju to brace ourselves for Las Rosas. I got a Rodan and a run down of gossip. Always a good spot.

• Las Rosas

  • Las Rosas had their one year anniversary party two weeks ago, and my friends and I stopped by. It was so crowded that there was a line around the building, and it was the first time I waited in a line to get in to a place in a very long time. It was super fun and packed and made me remember how fun a good party can really be even if you have to wait 30 minutes to get in.

• Sunny’s

  • I have reached the point in my life where I am now a boss. I don’t even mean it in a cool, empowering way, I just mean it in a way that like I now take people who have been doing the job for less time than me to dinner. So, I took my office girlies to Sunny’s, and we had an amazing dinner. I did eat one piece of lettuce here, which is on my short list of suspected culprits for causing my illness, but I won’t start the rumor that they poisoned me because nobody else at the dinner got sick and really it’s RFK’s fault anyway. They gave us ice creams on this little camel though.

    

Active Codes:

• Camp Snap Cameras - 7% off with DANIELLEP7

• Cured Nutrition - 15% off with DANIELLEPETERSON

• Eby Bras- 15% off with DANIELLEP-15

• Laundry Sauce - 15% off with DANIELLE_P15

• Mayfair - 15% off with DANIELLEMAYFAIR15

• Rachel Antonoff - 15% off with DANIELLEP15

• Ruggable - 10% off with DANIELLEP10

• Sunday Riley - 15% off with DANIELLE15

• Wiskii - 15% off with DP26R

Subscribe now

Top five items I’ve been loving:

• Elora Capri Pants

  • I, for one, am grateful at the return of capris. Sue me! These are my favorites right now because they’re so comfortable.

    

• On the Loose Work Pants

  • I have tragically been forced to return to the office more often and so I am slowly building back up a small office wardrobe. I got the work pants from Ruti and I think they live up to the hype. I bought a size six.

    

• Gap Mockneck Top

  • As I mentioned above, I’m trying to build up my work wardrobe, so I got this top from Gap that was only $30 to counteract the expensive pants. It’s really flattering and soft.

    

• Kosas Setting Puffs

  • I watched Emira from Next Gen’s makeup tutorials, and she said you should always set your under eye concealer with a puff rather than a beauty blender, so here I am- influenced. I’m loving the cloud puffs I got sent from Kosas.

• Kosas Shiny Highlighter

  • I’ve been using this highlighter as eyeshadow to brighten up my eyes a bit in the corners. I use champagne sheen and I’m obsessed with it.

Favorite sales:

• Aerie

  • Aerie is running a sale on it’s bras right now where select styles are 40% off. You can use SHOPMYBRA30 at checkout to save an extra 30% off bras and bralettes!

• Leau

  • I discovered this brand through ShopMy when they sent me their Sloane mini dress that I love. They are doing 25% off sitewide and extra 50% off sale. I got the dress in a medium because it ran small.

    

• Needed

  • I have used this brand for some of my egg freezing vitamins. They’re doing a 25% off sale on subscriptions until 8/17. They have a ton of pre and post-natal/IVF support bundles!

• Reformation

  • Ref’s summer sale started Sunday and they’ve marked down a bunch of items 30% off.

Discount codes:

• Camp Snap Cameras - 7% off with DANIELLEP7

• Cured Nutrition - 15% off with DANIELLEPETERSON

• Eby Bras - 15% off with DANIELLEP-15

• Laundry Sauce - 15% off with DANIELLE_P15

• Mayfair - 15% off with DANIELLEMAYFAIR15

• Rachel Antonoff - 15% off with DANIELLEP15

• Ruggable - 15% off with DANIELLEP15

• Sunday Riley - 15% off with DANIELLE15

• Wiskii - 15% off with DP26R

A quick Google search tells us that “reality TV is unscripted, real-life situations, frequently starring ordinary people or celebrities rather than professional actors.” And yet, House of Stassi constantly reminds viewers that this is, in fact, a production. Beau mentions he has a call time, Stassi mentions how hard filming is on everyone, and multiple members of the cast reference the test shoot that seemingly failed and is probably how Katie Maloney got dragged into this. Taylor1 and Taylor2, who I feel strongly production made change her name to Teddi to mitigate viewer confusion, reference that they are only in LA for filming and chose to delay having a baby to get this show up and running because it could be Taylor1’s long-sought-after big break. When Beau doesn’t want to have a fight with his friend on camera over his presumably real-life feelings, Stassi reminds him that they signed up for this, to which Beau asks, “Oh, we’re breaking the fourth wall?”

Subscribe now

The question is funny in the sense that the whole show breaks the fourth wall. It falls into Hulu’s Get Real cinematic universe, which consists of shows like Love Thy Nader, The Kardashians, The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives, Vanderpump Villa, and Project Runway. Stassi even cross-promotes like crazy during the first episode to tie into this cinematic universe in a way that Bravo is just now getting to after decades of shows. It used to be a big deal when a Real Housewife from another city popped into a franchise they weren’t a part of. But now, Bravo is doing crossovers like Summer House and Real Housewives of Salt Lake City on Below Deck. They are rounding up all the women for Girl’s Trip or Love Hotel. I saw tweets and threads from people online urging Bravo to follow the Hulu roadmap, but, I think Bravo is dipping its toes into cross-promotion in ways that feel authentic, whereas Stassi discussing Hulu brand synergy in her confessionals takes you out of the moment.

The pull of the curtain and the fourth-wall break have been creeping their way into reality TV for years. We saw it in little things at first, like showing the questions producers ask talent in their confessionals or allowing the women to say they were mad at someone because of what happened at the reunion rather than saying, “When I last saw you in New York.” But longtime Bravo watchers can remember when a hot mic moment was shocking or when Denise Richards yelled, “Bravo, Bravo, fucking Bravo,” at a dinner table because the cast was under the impression that if you broke the fourth wall, they might cut around the scene. Now we are in an age where the Next Gen kids are talking to producers on camera like they are friends. We zoom out to see the cameras filming and exactly how unnatural the production of reality TV really is. Porsha asks production if they knew Dennis was coming over to give the ring back. And now, on House of Stassi, we have ripped the curtain down and referenced how we are doing a cast staycation or a dinner party for drama and mentioned how the show took years to get off the ground.

In a lot of ways, this is not news to audience members. Longtime reality watchers know that dinner parties and cast trips are meant to get everyone in a room to air their grievances, but that is never explicitly stated on camera. So, watching House of Stassi had me start to question everything. Sure, we know that producers are there for a reason on a reality TV show. There are storylines that the cast needs to have and somewhat adhere to. Production’s job is to create a storyboard that lines up with this narrative and also help put the cast in situations where drama can unfold and then natural storylines can spawn that production never anticipated.

We all know that there are many aspects of reality TV that are not real. Even Love Island, a show that seemingly has little production interference in the villa, often gets edited based on what viewers are responding to online. Reality shows film hundreds of hours and then package and edit that footage into eight to 16 episodes (or more in the case of Love Island). They cut scenes differently than how they were filmed or change the timelines of scenes to help fit these storyboards. People turn personas on for the camera. And we know that, but for a paycheck, many of these women would never speak to each other again, let alone be in the same room. But to me, watching reality TV is fun because it’s supposed to be so crazy that no one could write this, regardless of whether elements of the show are fake. So, in a lot of ways, House of Stassi disillusioned me. It had me questioning: Is this how every reality TV show ultimately works? Or is this just the result of a show that they knew had no real drama to film going into it, so they said, “The best we can do is pull the curtain back and show them that we manufactured this because either way, the viewer will sense it?”

Even the confessionals had me thinking, is this how every show does it? I’ve always operated under the assumption that reality TV shows bring in the cast multiple times as the season films to get their reactions to events as they are, or as close to when they are happening as possible. However, in their confessionals, the House of Stassi cast even references episode numbers, hinting that the episodes were already cut and the cast were brought in to narrate the drama in a way that felt more scripted than it should.

In my opinion, Hulu used the fourth-wall break as misdirection from the lack of authenticity in the cast. They constantly had captions pop up on the screen, much like they do on Project Runway or Vanderpump Villa, almost to signal to viewers that a moment should be funny or to add humor where there really was none. I think what Hulu does with its reality TV shows works in small doses. These moments are fun when they are not happening every five minutes on the show. Because, to me, the repetition of the captions and the fourth-wall breaks signals that they don’t trust the viewer to find the scene entertaining on its own.

I started to enjoy House of Stassi around episode seven because it became fascinating to me to analyze what production was doing, and I do ultimately think they started to find their flow toward the end. But my fear is that this is the route we are going down with reality TV, and at some point, this falls more on the spectrum of scripted than it does toward reality. Sure, the cast are not handed scripts they memorize, but when you remind everyone you have a call time or state that you are living in the city solely for filming, it starts to make the cast seem more like actors than people who are putting their real lives on camera. Even Meredith Marks tries to paint the illusion that she is just a gal who loves to rent homes rather than saying she only comes to Salt Lake City to film the show.

House of Stassi ultimately loses the fun that should come out of a first season. In theory, the first season of any reality show or even a cast member’s first season is the most authentic TV you will ever see from a cast or that person. They have no idea how they will be perceived, they don’t know how their personality reads on camera, and they don’t know exactly how production will package a show that has not hit the air yet. But House of Stassi misses that opportunity because so many of the cast are reality TV veterans and presumably watched the episodes as their confessionals were being recorded, not to mention Stassi served as an executive producer. Although I imagine this is also what happens on The Kardashians, I think you have a problem when The Kardashians feels more natural and authentic than a first-season reality show.

I do hope House of Stassi gets a second season, mostly because I am intrigued by where it goes from here and also by how the Hulu Cinematic Universe evolves. But I urge networks to remember that, in the history of reality TV, the best moments and the lines we reference most often came from giving the cast the space to create a little chaos and at least the illusion that these were impromptu moments that happened without the guiding hand of a producer at someone’s back. In fact, when the cast tries to self-produce, it often falls flat to the audience because viewers who have watched reality TV for more than 20 years, watch it with a lens that’s vastly different from someone who just stumbles across a show on a Tuesday night. So, like they say about the magic of cinema, this is a plea to keep the magic of reality TV alive. In real life, the best moments happen when you least expect them. That adage should hold true for reality TV as well.

A lot has happened since last week, so I’ll break it down below.

• Matty Healy & Gabriette’s Wedding Photos

  • If I still actively used Tumblr, my entire feed would be their photos. They have gone triple platinum on my FYP page. I will be using them for many, many playlist covers to come and I will be pondering for a long time on how I can become a quarter as cool. Also, I will never get over that Taylor and Matty both had July weddings and that there was ever even a thought that they were compatible. We have all lived 100 lives since Tortured Poets.

• Spider-Man: Brand New Day:

  • I went and saw the new Spider-Man on Friday at a 4:20 p.m. showing and about 30 minutes in to the movie, two of the people in a party of six beside me started snoring while three others had their eyes closed. I did love the movie despite the fact that I was fascinated by this family who spent quite a lot of money for an afternoon nap in a crowded theater. Zendaya and Tom Holland were perfect as always. I was surprised by the plot and I am always happy to see Jon Bernthal on my screen. I am cautiously optimistic that Marvel is back.

• Ariana Grande:

  • Ariana announced that after her tour ends in September she will be taking a break from public life. I saw her tour last month, and it never ceases to amaze me how vocally and musically talented she is. It honestly made me sad and feel kind of weird about posting pictures and videos of her show because instead of people marveling at her talent, the only thing I’ve heard as far as reviews are regarding her weight. It seems clear to me that she has been struggling for some time now, but it feels so much bigger than just her. When I was a teen, everyone idolized girls who were size zero and double zero, and I was so happy when the pendulum swung, and people were embracing more bodies types than rail thin. Now, it feels like we are fully back to where we were in the early 2000s. As someone who has struggled with my weight and body image, it makes me sad to think that teen girls and even women my age are once again looking in the mirror and wondering if they need to be thinner to be seen as beautiful. I hope Ariana’s time away helps her get healthy and happy.

• Perez Hilton:

  • On Tuesday night, Perez Hilton went live committing self-harm and having a psychotic break on Tik Tok. I’ve seen clips from the videos come across my feed, and I would highly recommend if you are thinking how bad could it be and that you might take a look to NOT DO IT. They were some of the most disturbing visuals I’ve ever seen, and I would be happier if I could erase them from my mind. News outlets are saying this could be linked to sepsis that he was diagnosed with in March. Whatever caused this, I truly hope he gets help and his kids remain safe.

Subscribe now

What I’m Reading

• Finally finished The Odyssey, and now I’m on to The Wedding People. Based on my DMs people either LOVED this book or absolutely hated it. I’m curious to see what side I’ll land on.

  

What I’m Listening To

What I’m Watching

• Apple TV

  • Maximum Pleasure Guaranteed

    • I FINALLY got going on my list of shows to watch and I started with Maximum Pleasure Guaranteed. I watched the whole thing in a day and I really liked it. It was scary in a suspenseful way and not what I was expecting at all. Also, I loved the soundtrack that had so much techno and electronic music and how it was playing over scary scenes. I hope they renew it because I’d like to see what they do with season two.

• Bravo:

  • Next Gen NYC

    • The Next Gen cast has made it to Las Vegas for BravoCon, and I’m excited to see if they show us any behind the scenes content during the next episode. I love this show so much and I look forward to it every week. Bravo really struck gold with these kids, and they are so much fun to watch.

  • RHOA

    • I am devastated that this season is over. Every episode has made me laugh at the absurdity of it all. There were heavy topics covered like fertility, multiple bankruptcies, and a brutal divorce, but it still felt like the show was about women having fun together at the end of the day. The season finale had me unwell at Dr. Ken trying to hit on Phaedra, the $2,200 bill Shamea delivered to Drew for the horse stunt, K Michelle passing the mic down the line and Drew not knowing the words, and Drew tripping in her long poorly fitting pants and saying she was pushed. Really incredible cast work here. I would let this group have another season before I change anyone out.

      

  • RHOC

    • We the audience are going to be punished for Vicki being called a Debbie Downer and Emily’s Dior and vibrator gift for the rest of the season, and for that, I am very angry.

  • The Valley

    • We’ve survived depression in every form to get to the reunion. Lacy came in and kind of made Michelle look crazy. I do think Jesse had to be ridiculously hard to deal with as a spouse and now as a co-parent, but it’s interesting how he seems to give Lacy completely different treatment than he gave Michelle. I think that is ultimately the root of Michelle’s issue with Lacy. I’m a little sick of the weekly pile up on Janet. And for as much as I dislike Danny, at least he watched the season back unlike some people … LUKE. We have so much to look forward to in the rest of the reunion- Dark Side Danny in which I imagine Lala will verbally run him over and the inner workings of the Dr. Dre romance, specifically.

• HBO

  • House of the Dragon

    • Every week I put this show on kind of as background noise because I haven’t found this season that compelling, but this was first episode I was actually really in to it since the first two episodes of the season (even if we had to suffer through that creepy mother/son scene). Justice for all the dragons who are in fact being harmed in the making of this show! I can’t believe next week is the season finale.

      

  • Monsters of God

    • Every time I see Eric Goode’s name associated with a documentary, I know I am about to see the most insane people I’ve ever witnessed on camera. He’s the guy who brought us Tiger King and Chimp Crazy. I can’t remember which documentary they make the foreshadowing reference that reptile people are a whole other breed, but now he’s documenting and recounting the history of illegal reptile smuggling and how a lot of it actually came from zoos paying reptile dealers for rare breeds. The first episode was really good, and I’m really excited to see the season play out even if watching lizards is an absolute trigger warning for me.

• Hulu

  • House of Stassi

    • I had SO many thoughts while watching House of Stassi. I really did not like the first two episodes or honestly even the first five episodes, but when I accepted the show for what it is, I was able to enjoy it for episodes seven and eight. I’ve seen a lot of discourse online about how it’s smart that Hulu is pulling the curtain back, but to me, it almost seems like misdirection. I will probably end up writing a separate post on this show because it’s too much to get in to here, but I would be interested to see what they do if they get a second season.

  • Furious

    • I’m enjoying Furious but I am a little shocked that Rotten Tomatoes gave it a 98%. Something about it does feel a little bit off to me or maybe like we’ve seen it before? I think it might be the stereotypical tropes they are putting in like the detective with the drinking problem, the wounded cop with the ex-wife… etc. I am going to finish the season for sure because I think there could easily be some twists in here that would make it more interesting than what it is appearing on the surface and I have enjoyed every episode for what it is thus far.

  • Project Runway

    • This week was the unconventional materials challenge out of Viva paper towels. While I must say that Viva paper towels do have a nice softness and texture to them, the fact that the designers made clothes out of them was wild and extremely impressive even if some of them were hideous. Paige and Hannah make a quick appearance for seemingly no reason! Law still hates Tyra. Tyra still hates Law. We still won’t know who goes home till next week.

• Paramount

  • The Challenge

    • I cannot believe we are on season 42 of The Challenge and that Brad, CT and Bananas have returned yet again. Aren’t their bodies tired? I do not know in what reality they can keep up with people who are 24 years old, but I’ll be seated to watch them try.

• My To Watch List (*newly added)

  • Prime: Sterling Point*, Elle

  • Peacock: Five Star Weekend

  • Apple: Cape Fear, Silo, Ted Lasso*

  • Hulu: The Bear, Not Suitable for Work

Favorite Sales:

• Started doing sales in their own separate blog post so I could focus this more on pop culture!

Miami Restaurants:

• Flannigan’s

  • I’ve been dying to go back to Flannigan’s for awhile now. If you aren’t familiar, this south Florida chain is a local gem. The ribs, the $5.99 martinis, the almost 12 hour happy hour, the nachos, the insanely large soft drinks in plastic cups. All chains should be this fantastic.

    

• Miami Sound Bar

  • I was a regular at Miami Sound Bar when it first opened and I was spiraling in my life. Going back gave me a little PTSD, but we were bar hopping on a Saturday and wound up here. The crowd has definitely changed to more of a finance bro vibe, and I would not recommend a date night here because it’s extremely loud, but it’s still a cool spot just maybe one you start the night out with not end it.

• Right Hand

  • I swear ever since I declared I wanted to become a regular, all of my friends are suggesting we go here for drinks. So, yes. I was back again for the fourth week in a row like a lunatic.

• Sunny’s

  • I hadn’t been to Sunny’s in a long time. I would say it is still my favorite restaurant in Miami for when I am craving a steak, good music and vibes. They gave me free dessert so I could try the new ice cream sandwiches with pistachio ice cream. I’m going to be thinking about that sweet and salty combo for a long time (and by that I mean until next week when I go back again for a work dinner).

    

• Swizzle

  • It was 1:30 a.m., and I was informed that Swizzle, a bar I have had on my list for years, is in fact an establishment that serves tiki drinks. So, of course I agreed when I heard that people were going to make the trek over to the beach to end the night there. I got the Mai Tai, crossed the bar off my list and would definitely go back because it’s a fun little hidden gem.

    

Active Codes:

• Camp Snap Cameras - 7% off with DANIELLEP7

• Cured Nutrition - 15% off with DANIELLEPETERSON

• Eby Bras- 15% off with DANIELLEP-15

• Laundry Sauce - 15% off with DANIELLE_P15

• Mayfair - 15% off with DANIELLEMAYFAIR15

• Rachel Antonoff - 15% off with DANIELLEP15

• Ruggable - 15% off with DANIELLEP15

• Sunday Riley - 15% off with DANIELLE15

• Wiskii - 15% off with DP26R

Subscribe now

Top five items I’ve been loving:

• Anthropologie Mock Neck Top

  • I got this black top the other day during the Anthro sale, and I have already worn it out three times. I will either wear something into the ground or wear it once and never wear it again. I blame ADHD. It’s super soft, and I think it looks kind of chic? I don’t know, maybe I’m just in a weird mood. It has a 4 out of 5 star review on Anthro, but I give it 5/5. I got a size small.

    

• Eby Lucy Bra

  • I get gifted a lot from Eby, but I bought the Lucy bra a few weeks ago because I wanted to try it, and it’s super cute and comfortable. I can also highly recommend the T-Shirt bra and the relief bra. The T-shirt bra is probably my favorite because it’s padded and gives support like there should be underwire, but none of their bras have wiring. The Lucy bra is fun though and unique looking. You can save 15% off when you use the code DANIELLEP-15.

• Laundry Sauce detergent pods

  • I was gifted these awhile back and I am now obsessed with them and purchase them on my own. I love the way Siberian pine smells, and it honestly makes my entire bathroom where my washer is smell great when I use them. I like to use them specifically for my towels because the scent lasts awhile on them. Also, the packaging makes me feel very bougie when I do my laundry. You can save 15% off with the code DANIELLE_P15.

    

• Rare Beauty Lifting Gel

  • Ever since Anastasia switched up their formula for their eyebrow gel, I have been on the hunt for a replacement that doesn’t leave flakes on my brows. I think I may have finally found a winner in the Rare Beauty Lifting Gel. It really holds and DOES NOT FLAKE!

• REM Beauty Eyeshadow Palette

  • I just got two of the quads from REM Beauty and I am loving them. I’ve been on a bit of an eyeshadow/makeup journey lately because I’ve watched too many of Emira from Next Gen’s makeup videos and I’ve convinced myself I’m not unattractive, I just need to learn to do my makeup better. I got sweet dreams and dangerous woman.

Favorite sales:

• Aerie

  • They’re running a sale where you save 30% off $75 and 25% off $50. I’m a recent Aerie Stan and have returned to liking their clothes after more than a decade. Their pajamas are so cute, and I’m loving two of the shirts I got from there recently.

    

• Biodance

  • A bunch of Biodance products are on sale on Amazon this week- the beloved collagen mask and eye patches are 15% off.

• Dermstore

  • I get all my expensive skincare from Dermstore. They’re doing 25% off for select brands right now with the code CHEERS.

• Farm Rio

  • They’re still doing a sale on sale promo where you can save an extra 30% off with the code EXTRA30 at checkout.

• Gap

  • Gap is running a sale 40-60% off on select items and now includes kid’s styles. I’ve really become a recent Gap convert.

• Skylight

  • They’re running a back to school sale this week for their calendars and you can save up to $100 depending on which model you buy. I have one and I love it. I think it probably makes more sense for families especially when your kids have schedules to keep track of too, but I like using it for my TV watching schedule/appointments.

Discount codes:

• Camp Snap Cameras - 7% off with DANIELLEP7

• Cured Nutrition - 15% off with DANIELLEPETERSON

• Eby Bras- 15% off with DANIELLEP-15

• Laundry Sauce - 15% off with DANIELLE_P15

• Mayfair - 15% off with DANIELLEMAYFAIR15

• Rachel Antonoff - 15% off with DANIELLEP15

• Ruggable - 15% off with DANIELLEP15

• Sunday Riley - 15% off with DANIELLE15

• Wiskii - 15% off with DP26R

I spent the last few weeks recovering from the unintentional burnout and subsequent depression that Love Island US caused me (a wild statement, I know). Being torn apart and trolled on the Internet daily is not for the faint of heart. For three weeks, I could barely clock in to the screenshot factory (my side job) because I was tired and frustrated and I had to prioritize seeing The Odyssey three times and travel to Chicago to breathe in ash and celebrate my friend getting married instead.

The weirdness from Threads and some other things that have happened lately have made me start looking at the way I engage on social media differently. I’ve always posted online like I’m operating in a vacuum so that I won’t get anxiety from the idea that thousands and sometimes even millions of people see content I make, but lately, I’m starting to think more about my digital footprint and how much of my life I have shared online and whether I want to keep doing that. Basically, I think I’m becoming sentient to the idea that I may constantly be perceived. So, here I am, oversharing on my Substack yet again, but I’m trying to put energy in to this because I have too much time on my hands and I either need to recommit myself to being a corporate sellout, write in this online journal or try to go on dates. Neither dating nor becoming a corporate workaholic sound particularly appealing, but I’ve tried to throw an ounce or two more energy into the former just because I know that route is more entertaining even if it is the more destabilizing option of the three.

But to end this on a lighter note, it’s Friday. July is over. We are one step closer to fall and a reprieve from the insane heat that has been terrorizing Miami. I’m cranking out content again. I’ve purchased Audrey Hobert tickets. Saturn retrograde is allegedly going to bring karmic justice to everyone who has wronged me. I have a date with myself to go see Spider-Man: Brand New Day, and Lorenzo, the Villa King, has won Love Island UK. I’ll take these little victories and see you all again next week!

Subscribe now

What I’m Reading

• Still finishing up The Odyssey. I did see it a third time too. I’m sick.

What I’m Listening To

• New Ariana Grande & Audrey Hobert a lot lately. Working on a new On Repeat playlist for next week but till then, I’ve been vibing with this one.

What I’m Watching

• Bravo:

  • In the City

    • We did it. We survived back to back seasons of Summer House and In the City. Now, I can finally know peace with a little reprieve from Amanda and West.

  • Next Gen NYC

    • I love Next Gen. It’s so fun and chaotic. Ava Dash is slowly winning me over, which I never thought would happen. And I am now incredibly invested in how Ariana winds up hooking up with Charlie later in the season.

  • RHOA

    • I’m going to be sad when RHOA ends. It makes me laugh every week because it’s just complete nonsensical cinema. K Michelle won’t participate in Halloween because of the devil. Phaedra is dressed up like the Godfather, and somehow Angela’s neighbor George has an entire scene at Shamea’s RUM BUM quasi launch/Halloween party about whether he paid Shamea to date him. George’s little Tinkerbell significant other catches strays and then someone brings Drew a …. horse???? Writing that felt like a mad libs. Christopher Nolan could never.

      

  • RHOC

    • Despite it being a big deal that there have been 20 seasons of RHOC, I think we are in for our 16th year of Tamra backstabbing her cast members and then complaining that they don’t want to be her close friend.

  • The Valley

    • Oh, The Valley. Danny getting wasted for the final episode was a CHOICE. Kristen blatantly lying about how she said Nia guilt trips Zach on camera was a CHOICE. Zach believing her over Brittany, his friend of 18 years, was a CHOICE. Janet throwing the drink that doinked off Danny’s head…. unfortunate. Lala somehow became the season MVP, but I have no idea where we go from here.

• HBO

  • House of the Dragon

    • RIP Ser Criston Cole. Gone way later than I would have liked.

• Hulu

  • House of Stassi

    • Hulu is doing a really interesting thing with their reality shows right now where they are all breaking the fourth wall and letting the viewer in on the show running. They’re also all adding in captions to direct the viewer to comedy scenes- almost like each time they do it, they are saying HEY LOOK VIEWER this was supposed to be funny! They’re also doing A LOT of cross promotion in the Get Real cinematic universe across all their shows. I only got to episode two of Stassi so far, so I will have more thoughts next week when I’ve finished, but I don’t know if Stassi is as a likable now as a grown up who wants fame as the 22-year-old in the back alley of Sur who did.

  • Furious

    • I watched the first three episodes that are out on Peacock and I think it has potential. It’s really dark (it’s a show about a woman serial killer), but I honestly would have binged the whole show in one sitting if it was out in its entirety.

  • Love Island UK

    • LORENZO WINS!!!!!!!!! My six months where I can dream that Lorenzo and Jasmine wind up together starts NOW. I truly can’t imagine Kav and Jasmine working for long on the outside, though she really does seem smitten with him. Lorenzo going immediately to British Vogue is ICONIC. I do think Angie and Simba should have won, but I guess the UK public decided to vote for favorite person instead of strongest couple.

      

  • Project Runway

    • My favorite thing about Project Runway this season is the feud between Law and Tyra. I’m also still thinking about how Sara Jane Nader showed up to the fittings as a model for a “white wolf” inspired look and wore body makeup all over and ruined the outfits.

• Netflix

  • A Toxic Love Story

    • This documentary was …. INSANE. The man in it was a regular at Disneyland (concerning in and of itself) and wound up with a woman who faked cancer. The chaos that ensues over the hour and a half is really something. I don’t want to spoil it too much but I just have to sit here and process that these two crazies found each other yet I can’t get a text back.

  • Mary Beth Barone: Galaxy Brain

    • I really loved Mary Beth’s stand up show on Netflix. It’s a quick and easy watch and I was laughing out loud a ton. 10/10 recommend!

      

  • The Idaho Murders: College Nightmare

    • This three-episode documentary on Netflix was very well done but it’s hard to compare when there have been so many other documentaries on this tragedy that have come out over the last year or so. I almost feel like some of the others I’ve seen had more details than this one. Unfortunately, the question I think we all want answered is why those poor kids were targeted and because that horrible man has never answered that question, there’s not a whole lot more to add here than what we’ve seen in other documentaries.

• My To Watch List: (I swear I’m working toward this)

  • Elle (Prime), Five Star Weekend (Peacock), Cape Fear, Silo and Maximum Pleasure Guaranteed (Apple TV) and The Bear and Not Suitable for Work (Hulu).

Favorite Sales:

• Abercrombie Sale

  • $25 off $100 and $50 off $150

• Aerie Sale

  • Extra 30% off $75+ or extra 25% off $50

• Gap Sale

  • 40%-60% select styles

Miami Restaurants:

• Yes, I went back to Right Hand this week. I was serious when I said I’m trying to become a regular.

• Happy hour at Vice Versa. They just got voted best hotel bar in the U.S. at Tales of the Cocktail!

Active Codes:

• Camp Snap Cameras - 7% off with DANIELLEP7

• Cured Nutrition - 15% off with DANIELLEPETERSON

• Eby Bras- 15% off with DANIELLEP-15

• Laundry Sauce - 15% off with DANIELLE_P15

• Mayfair - 15% off with DANIELLEMAYFAIR15

• Rachel Antonoff - 15% off with DANIELLEP15

• Ruggable - 15% off with DANIELLEP15

• Sunday Riley - 15% off with DANIELLE15

• Wiskii - 15% off with DP26R

Life Updates

• Traumatized by Botox

  • I have been doing botox for my TMJ for years, and it’s always helped me but the last two times, I’ve had bad reactions. I’m now on a journey to figure out whether I am developing an allergy to it or whether I just cannot do jaw botox anymore. All my muscles on my right side seized up a few days after the injection, and I had to text my dad in the middle of the night mid-panic attack to tell him to sue if I died. The good news is that I know it will subside eventually and it has a little. The bad news is that I’m stuck with discomfort for the next 6-8 weeks and will be having an intimate relationship with my heating pad and extra strength Tylenol for the rest of the summer.

• Chicago

  • I spent last weekend in Chicago for a bachelor party with a group of Internet turned real life friends. Everyone is always shocked that we hang out with each other outside of BravoCon or Bravo-related events, but crazily enough, we have vacationed together, gone to weddings for each other and talk all the time. We arrived in Chicago last Thursday to celebrate and were faced instead with the worst air quality in the world! A feat! But the weather turned around and even though the vibes in the city were weird the whole weekend (there are SO many …. dare I say TOO many…. young straight men in Chicago) by Saturday night I was tearing up the dance floor. I wish I could give you a comprehensive guide of where we went, but I wasn’t in charge of the itinerary and because of the weather, we improvised a lot. I do know we ate some delicious steak sliders and firecracker shrimp at Gibsons and had delicious pasta at RPM Italian, but that is the best I can offer. I did try to breakout a lot of clothes I don’t usually get to wear. So, I’ll link them below.

• The Odyssey

  • I am an extremely annoying person when it comes to music and movies. I needs to hear an album I am excited about at midnight and see a movie on the day it premieres. So, when I realized I would be in Chicago the day The Odyssey came out, I started to internally panic. I didn’t think I could go four days and wait to see it till I got back because I needed to be a part of the Internet discourse. Upon landing in Chicago, I dropped my stuff off, headed to the nearest AMC and basically got my ears blown out at a Dolby 2 p.m. showing in a sold out theater. I liked it so much I actually went to see it again on Sunday, and I am now waiting for my friend to get home so I can go see it a third time. I fear I also need to see it in IMAX 70MM to feel at peace. And yes, the dog dies and I sobbed possibly even harder the second time.

What I’m Reading

• Obviously, I am re-reading The Odyssey. I am obsessed with this version aesthetically:

  

What I’m Listening To

• This week’s on repeat. New Charli xcx!

What I’m Watching

• Bravo:

  • In the City

    • I forced myself to finish In the City… it’s not that I hate it, it’s just that I can’t seem to feel compelled to watch it. I think I have Scamanda burnout.

  • Next Gen NYC

    • My favorite show on Bravo right now even if Charlie is deeply problematic.

  • RHOA

    • My weekly comfort show.

  • RHOC

    • OC housewives are the normal people of the franchise. They are fine to watch but extremely predictable. Will I tune in every week? Yes. Will I remember anything that happened this season? Probably not.

  • The Valley

    • For as depressing as I find this show, I also find it equal parts entertaining. Obsessed with the fact they went to Chilis this week.

• HBO

  • House of the Dragon

    • I don’t have much to say here except I am tuning in every week.

  • Industry Season 4

    • I finished Industry, and now I need another old show to get excited about. The end of season four felt so dark that I sat in silence for awhile after and wondered if I too was a bad person.

• Hulu

  • Love Island UK

    • I’ve lost a little bit of interest in the season now that Ellie is gone and I’ve accepted there is no hope for Jasmenzo in the Villa. But I will finish the season because I am not a quitter. I was shocked Ellie left for Finley. I was really hoping she would leave because she realized she deserved better.

    • I was four episodes behind because of being out of town and this is what I took away from my binge: Priya is such an intense strategizer, and Aiden is so unlikable that they should not make the final four. Though I must say Aiden was really sweet with Priya’s sister. Jasmine has dulled her sparkle to be with Kav. Yasmine and Tommy are fine but overall uninteresting. Lorenzo is the people’s prince but I don’t know if his charisma alone could or should take him home the win because I don’t know if I believe he is really that in to Julia. The UK public seems to hate Mica and Samraj for some reason… I am fine with them. So, I guess Simba and Angie are my winners even though they are not the most charismatic couple that’s ever been on the show. I am truly intrigued who will win.

    

  • My Grandfather Charles Manson

    • It is not very often that I hate a show. In fact, it almost never happens. But I hated this documentary. The girl who directed it cried in almost every scene. She and her father were not the most likable subjects, and there was no new information on Charles Manson. Save yourself the hour and a half.

• Paramount Plus

  • Drag Race All Stars

    • Finished the season and was devastated by Dawn losing. It seemed very obvious though that Crystal would take home the crown the whole season. I miss when Drag Race was at its peak.

• My To Watch List:

  • Elle (Prime), Five Star Weekend (Peacock), Cape Fear, Silo and Maximum Pleasure Guaranteed (Apple TV) and The Bear and Not Suitable for Work (Hulu).

Favorite Sales:

• All the clothes I wore in Chicago are linked on my ShopMy

• Ruggable is doing a home refresh event. You can save up to 40% off best selling rugs. They gifted me one back at the end of 2025, and I do really love it. You can wash the smaller rugs (mine is 10x12 so not doable in a regular washer). My only complaint is you can see all the footprints on mine so I vacuum it daily, but I think I got an extremely plush one (Arlo cream rug).

• Anthropologie is doing a sale where you spend $150 and get $50 credit for later and if you spend $300 you get a $100 credit for later.

• Farm Rio is doing an extra 20% off all sale.

• Amazon Sales:

  • My beloved puzzle board is 15% off.

  • Mighty patch acne dots that save my life more often than not are 20% off.

  • Air Tags are 10% off. I keep these in all my luggage.

Miami restaurants:

• My parents came to town and we hit some hot spots/classics:

  • Joe’s, Cote & Cafe La Trova

    • I love making them go to Cote because it’s the one restaurant in Miami that I can’t really eat at alone.

• Right Hand

  • I am trying to become a regular at Right Hand. My friend and I went for happy hour last week, and they gave us these insane jello shots. This is for sure my favorite bar in Miami right now.

    

• Katana

  • They opened a second location close to me on Coral Way, and so I had to ask my friend to come check it out with me. It’s so reasonably priced, and the highlight is of course the floating boats filled with sushi that go around the restaurant. They get really busy, so put your name down and go to the Gibson Room for a cocktail while you wait.

See you all next Friday, hopefully!

I have missed reading, leaving my apartment on any night that’s not Wednesday or Saturday and a time when I wasn’t being verbally berated online daily for liking or disliking a contestant or their behavior. The crazy thing about running my Instagram account is that I often feel like I am working 24/7 between my day job and putting out content. So, by the end of Love Island time, even though I’m just messing around on my computer, I’m often exhausted. This week, I tried to microdose regular life again and actually went out more. It’s been nice to start going to restaurants and ease my way in to working out again. Also, I honestly just miss social interactions. Here’s my roundup- we’ll see what I do with this in the future.

Subscribe now

Life Updates:

• For the first time in possibly six years, I am in the most peaceful era of my life. So, what did I think would be a great thing to start doing again? Dating! I had not gone on a date in years because frankly, I just didn’t have any interest and I was prioritizing myself and Walter. But now with Love Island ending and my nights freeing up, I’ve once again reactivated the dating apps. It’s been scary and weird! I’ve always feared this, but dating when you have a digital footprint like I do adds a whole other level of discomfort to the situation. For now, I am still having a very single and vulnerable summer, and this is so far the best thing to come out of the experience:

  

• I had a tongue tie release at the end of June. In the next couple months, pending how I’m feeling, I might elaborate more on if it helped my TMJ, but right now my face has never felt more relaxed and I’m feeling really optmistic.

• The worst thing imaginable (return to office) is happening to me. I have not had to go to the office consistently since pre-Covid. So, the idea of having to go in for more than half the week is ruining my life. I donated the majority of my work clothes two years after the pandemic, so now I have to start buying some more work attire or just wear the same outfit every single week. Haven’t decided which route to take.

• After my four rounds of egg retrievals in eight months, I went on a GLP1 to try to undo some of the havoc that an obscene amount of hormones did on my body. I had very few side effects because I took such a small dose, but the saddest part for me was that I lost my love of eating. Nothing would sound good or make me excited, but I will say it is kind of amazing to go through your day without the food noise that I didn’t realize was taking up a large space in my brain. As of the last few weeks, I’ve either not taken it or taken very little, so I am back to enjoying meals again (see below!) and feeling excited about going out to eat.

• World Cup- I am historically not a soccer fan, but I might be slowly becoming one? Being a host city for the World Cup games has been such a fun and exciting experience. I feel like Miami more than anywhere (because I’m biased) has had just the best vibes around the games. We’ve had the Tartan Army, the Norway team and I’ve never seen downtown packed more than when Colombia was playing at our stadium. So many bars have been filled to the brim with lines out the door, and it’s been so cool to see all the camaraderie and pride that the fans have for their countries.

Shows I watched:

• Bravo:

  • In the City

    • I’m still two episodes behind but I am trudging through. I just am so burned out on Summer House that I’m finding it hard to enjoy this show.

  • Next Gen NYC

    • Probably my favorite show on Bravo right now. I’m obsessed with Emira.

  • RHOA

    • Wasn’t on this week, but I do look forward to new episodes every Sunday.

  • The Valley

    • I am convinced The Valley is actually a documentary highlighting all the things that make adults depressed- grief, losing a parent, divorce, postpartum, fertility issues, co-parenting, financial issues, alcoholism… The list goes on and on. The last two episodes in Mexico were hilarious though.

• HBO

  • House of the Dragon

    • I always take a bit to watch the episodes because it constantly feels like impending doom. I am so glad it’s back though.

  • Industry Season 4

    • I never watched Industry when it was live and I have no reason why, but now I am locked in and loving it. Season three was actually perfect. I started season four this week, so I’m excited to be caught up and ready when the new and last season eventually comes out.

• Hulu

  • Love Island UK

    • This is my favorite show right now. I look forward to it every day in a way that I do not for Love Island USA. It’s so fun and way messier than Love Island USA with a tenth of the budget. I am deeply invested in Jasmine and Lorenzo ending up together even though I have no accepted it won’t happen in the Villa. I cannot comprehend in any universe how Jasmine would give Kav the time of day.

• Paramount Plus

  • Drag Race All Stars

    • My easy watch of the week where I actually just get to enjoy the show without worrying about posting about it. Rooting for Dawn!

• Peacock

  • Love Island USA

    • As I’m writing this, today is finale day. There have been a lot of high highs this season, but overall it’s been kind of a flop. I, of course, did my civic duty by voting for Brinity to win it all.

• My To Watch List:

  • RHOC (Bravo), Elle (Prime), Five Star Weekend (Peacock), Cape Fear, Silo and Maximum Pleasure Guaranteed (Apple TV) and The Bear and Not Suitable for Work (Hulu).

Favorite sales:

• Anthropologie is doing 30% off early fall arrivals. Includes their Fiona bag that is a Staud dupe!

  

• Dermstore is doing up to 25% off on their site for certain brands. I put together my favorite products that have been my go to’s lately on ShopMy.

• Medicube collagen jelly is 20% off on Amazon right now and a few other of their PDRN products.

• Aerie is doing 30% off for members and up to 25% off for non-members.

• Gap is doing up to 50% off for their summer sale. I’ve been loving these T-shirts that are only $15 (I got the leopard one).

Miami restaurants:

• I went out way more than usual this week between it being a slow week of Love Island and the World Cup, and it felt nice to touch grass away from Threads.

  • The Mexican (Brickell Key)- I reallly loved my meal here. The restaurant’s location is a little weird because it’s seemingly in an empty office building, but the staff was so nice and everything I ordered (steak tacos, shrimp ceviche and lobster elote (insaneeee)) was amazing. I would definitely go back.

  • Walrus Rodeo (Buena Vista)- I’d been craving going back to this spot for a minute, so when my friends impromptu invited me, I was thrilled. The s’mores ice cream was to die for. Also, Walrus Rodeo now has a liquor license so you can get cocktails there, which is exciting for me because I so rarely drink wine and never drink beer.

  • Vice Versa (Downtown) - I took my office girlies out for a dinner/happy hour because somehow I am now one of the most senior members of my team and wanted to get to know them a little bit better. We ordered four pizzas but the corn and jalapeño pizza was to die for. I also had to get my favorite cocktail- the martini dopio.

  • To Be Determined (Coral Way) - I’ve had this place on my list to go back to for awhile. I try to go every couple months because I think the food is insanely good, and they switch up their menu all the time. I get mixed reviews when I mention it to other Miami locals, but I’ve never had a bad meal there.

    

I make no promises- but I will try to keep this up more. It’s nice to hop on here and write even if it’s just about trivial things :)

Subscribe now

Clueless. Paramount Pictures.

Abercrombie

If you would have told me 10 years ago that Abercrombie would become one of my favorite brands, I would have called you a liar. But here we are… I’m 36 years old and I have been living in Abercrombie jeans. They’re doing up to 40% off for July 4 weekend on select styles, which includes a bunch of their shorts!

Abercrombie Sale!

Aerie

For the fourth, Aerie is doing 30-50% off sitewide. I am heavy in my stripes era right now even if it they are currently associated with Amanda Batula. So, I got this T-shirt for $20!

Aerie Sale!

Photo courtesy of Aerie.com

Danielle Guizio

Guizio is probably my favorite clothing brand right now. I kind of think of them as Limited Too but for baddie adult women. They’re doing 20% off select items, 25% off when you spend $250 and 30% off $350.

I just got this top below in a size small, and I’m obsessed with it.

Danielle Guizio Sale

Photo courtesy of DanielleGuizioNY.com

Farm Rio

Farm Rio has some of the most fun and colorful clothes, and I feel like their pieces always make a statement. Their sale styles are up to 50% off and then you can take an extra 30% off at checkout with the code EXTRA30.

Farm Rio Sale

Frankie’s Bikinis

Frankie’s Bikinis makes some of my favorite swimwear. I often see a lot of their pieces on Love Island. They don’t do a ton of sales- so 25% off with the code STARS is a steal. This is the pattern I’ve been eyeing!

Frankie’s Bikinis Sale

Photo courtesy of FrankiesBikinis.com

Lemme

Lemme is still running a summer sale where you can save 20% off sitewide. I can vouch for the below gummies-

• Lemme Debloat- great for traveling to keep your digestive track moving.

• Lemme Tone- I take these before I workout sometimes to give me an extra boost of energy.

• Lemme Sleep - I don’t take Melatonin anymore, but these were great when I did.

• Lemme Burn - I switched over to the Lemme Tones, but I do think these worked similarly. These are just pills versus the Tones that are gummies.

For a limited time, you can also use SHOPMYJULY20 to save 20% off if you come across this after the sale.

Lemme Sale

Levi’s

Levi’s is doing an extra 50% off sale. The baggy dad barrel jeans are some of my favorites, which may be controversial. The easy dad jeans are also included in the sale. They’re now $30 marked down from $110! I got a size 28, but could probably size down to a 27.

Levi's Sale

Photo courtesy of Levis.com

Lola Blanket

Ah… the beloved Lola Blanket. I know everyone always asks is it worth they hype and the answer is yes, yes it is. They are loved by me and all my friends who come to my apartment and snuggle under them. But they are expensive. So, I would only recommend them during a sale because I can’t bring myself to spend that kind of money on a blanket. Right now you can save 40% off with the code JULY40. I can vouch for desert dune, charcoal and antique ivory! I was lucky enough to be gifted two, but my first one I bought during one of these sales to see if it was worth it. Spoiler alert: It was.

Lola Blanket Sale!

Nutrafol

Nutrafol saved me during my egg freezing process because the hormones made me lose a ton of hair. Now that I’m on a break, I can start taking them again to try to get my hair back to its former glory. It took about 2-3 months of consistent use to see results, and I get it- the pills are expensive. So, right now you can save up to 36% off subscriptions, which is huge, with the code SUMMERSALE. Also, as I’m not a doctor, it’s never a bad idea to confirm with your doctor whether this is safe to take for you!

Nutrafol Sale!

Victoria’s Secret

VS is doing 10 pairs of underwear for $40, which is about as cheap as it gets over there. Never a bad idea to stock up during a sale!

VS Sale!

A year ago, I lost my best friend. He was a dog that I named Walter, who in the least Dateline way possible, lit up every room he walked in to. I was 22 when I adopted him. My boyfriend at the time had a beautiful black Golden Retriever mix who loved him so fiercely that it actually shocked me. I watched him and thought how nice that must feel to have someone love you so deeply. It was the fall of 2012, and I had just lost my grandma, the woman who had raised me. It felt like I had lost my mom and so much unconditional love with her passing and seeing my ex-boyfriend’s dog made me realize how much of a hole that had left in me.

She passed in August and a couple weeks later I started law school. I was adrift in a place I didn’t want to be. It seemed like everyone there had gone because they always knew they wanted to be a lawyer. They were excited and passionate. You could tell they were proud to tell people they were getting their law degree. I didn’t want to tell anyone. I had gone because my parents said they wouldn’t support me forever and because I was too scared to take a risk and figure out what career path would actually make me happy. So, needless to say by the end of my first semester, I was miserable. I started to obsessively check PetFinder hoping some little puppy would glow across the screen and save me because I felt like I was in too deep to save myself.

In a lot of ways, adopting a puppy felt like an act of defiance. For the first time in my life, I could adopt a dog that I chose who was all my own, and he would love me like my boyfriend’s dog loved him. I refreshed the page a couple times a day looking for dogs that looked like his, trying to recreate what he had. And then in January 2013, I saw a little black girl puppy at the Alachua Humane Society and told him we had to go look at her. I thought how perfect- he would have a black boy dog and I would get a black girl dog. For whatever reason, no other puppy had spurred something in me like this little girl dog had, so the next day I went to the shelter.

As I walked in, her brother was being carried out by a family. There were four of them. She was all black, her sister, who had already been adopted, was black with white patches, her brother, who I saw briefly in passing, was grey with black spots and then I walked in to the room where they kept the puppies and saw who would become my boy- a brindle dog with beautiful brown eyes. I’d gone there for her, and when I’d looked down at these two puppies, she was barking and walking all over her brother. He was so quiet and calm, and he looked at me like lady, please get me out of here. I’d read so many articles on how to pick the right dog. I asked to hold him and I held his little paws and rubbed his belly, and it was like all the sudden I knew this was my boy. I submitted an application immediately, praying no one would take him. They told me I didn’t need to be SO thorough about how I intended to give him a great life and how I would be so patient with him when it came to training, but I wanted there to be no doubts that I would be the perfect parent.

They called me after I left and told me he was mine for the price of $150. I would always say after that it was the only bargain I ever had with him. His sister hadn’t been adopted yet, so I told the shelter to let him stay the night with her so she wouldn’t be alone. I used the extra night to get my apartment set up and I would go get him in the morning.

That night my boyfriend and I went to PetSmart to start my dog mom journey. Halfway through picking out crates and collars, I had a panic attack right in the middle of the leash aisle. What if I failed? What if I did something wrong? What if this was going to be too much responsibility? I’d started crying near rope toys and bone-printed leashes while my boyfriend looked on in horror. He told me this was supposed to be fun and exciting and that adopting a dog was not a big deal. I stared at him shocked. This is a huge deal! It will change everything! He will be with me for the rest of his life! I was in charge of shaping this being in to what he would become! What if I did a bad job? He assured me the fact that I was so concerned that I was now hyperventilating in PetSmart meant I would be a good dog parent because I clearly cared so deeply.

The next morning we went and picked him up. We bathed him, we got him settled in. He was so quiet and sleepy and everything he did was adorable. I’d renamed him from Sawyer to Walter. My boyfriend had said we should put him in the bed with us, and so I laid down a towel, which Walter walked off of and immediately peed all over my comforter. The start of the lesser joys of dog ownership. We put him in the crate right outside my door before bed, and he fell asleep quickly.

As I was falling asleep after a mostly successful first night with my almost perfect puppy, I was jolted by the loudest sound I could imagine similar to a fire alarm. I looked at my boyfriend and said that can’t be the seven pound baby outside my door making THAT much noise, but it most definitely was. He was howling. He was distraught in the crate alone. I turned to my boyfriend and said maybe I should return him. To which he asked if I was joking. I’m not sure I was. I told him I wouldn’t ask for a refund. It could be a donation to the shelter, but what was I going to do? I had to sleep. Luckily, I never returned him, but after two nights of no sleep, I’d taken him to the vet to get him established and beg for help. They handed me my puppy packet, and we sat in the room all adoring over this little beautiful boy who they told me would not be 45 pounds like the humane society had said but would in fact be double the size when he grew up. At one point during the visit, he’d gotten scared and ran to my arms. The vet looked at me and said, “He already knows you’re his mom,” and I started to cry. We were 48 hours in, and I was already in love with him.

“What do I do about the no sleep thing?” I’d asked. They told me to wrap a ticking clock in a blanket and put in his crate because it would mimic a heartbeat. After which, he would nuzzle in to the clock and sleep quietly through the night until he started teething and eventually destroyed the clock. He had health issues from the moment I brought him home. A sensitive stomach, acid reflux- I’d wake up every morning before the sun rose to hand feed him kibble so he wouldn’t throw up from going too long without eating. I bought him tons of toys, and even as a puppy, he never destroyed them.

He was immediately the love of my life. I sat outside with him one day on a stormy afternoon and showed him the rain for the first time. I laughed when he grew in to a defiant teen who threw himself on the road when he didn’t want to walk anymore. He was sensitive to sounds, sensitive to food and sensitive to me leaving him. He got off the leash one time as a puppy and ran down the road I was walking him on. I lived near a busy street, and I was terrified he was going to run in to traffic. I didn’t want to chase him because I was afraid he’d think it was a game. So, I walked steadily but quickly behind him trying not to panic, and instead of running away, he ran straight to the door of my apartment and waited for me there. He didn’t show love the way my boyfriend’s dog did, but there were countless moments like that when I knew he loved me. I woke up every morning and hugged him. I’d say it’s a beautiful day because we get to be together, to which he always got up and walked away. Deep down, I know he agreed. He slept at my feet more often than not. He kept his eye on me at all times. We were each other’s home, and there was never any doubt in my mind that we were soulmates.

Over the years, Walter gave me so many gifts. He taught me how to love to a depth I didn’t know existed, and he gave me so much confidence in myself. Before I adopted him, my anxiety would prevent me from going to parks or restaurants alone. Now, I had a buddy. I walked him every day, letting him take as much time as he needed to smell all the smells and see all the things. I wasn’t usually in a hurry. This was my time with him. Why would I want to rush it?

Years later, we moved to Miami, and he adjusted to city life with so much ease. He would take up as much space as possible in an elevator. He walked in every room like he owned it. I’d take him down by the water without a leash. We’d sit and look at the moon in the middle of the night. He, like me, was a night owl often wanting to walk at 1 a.m. when it was quiet and the weather was cooler. In Sarasota, I’d often catch him outside on a clear night staring at the stars. I took him on staycations where he’d lounge by the pool lapping up bowls of water with ice cubes in them. He’d wake up in the morning, sit on the couch and look out at the world and ponder. He slept beside me almost every night often times with his head on a pillow. I was convinced he was a human in a dog form. Even as a young dog, people stopped me on the street and told me he had an old soul. I believed them.

For 12.5 years, Walter got me through so many hard times in my life. They say that dogs can sense when you’re sad, but there were so many nights I cried on the floor with him and instead of cuddling me, he looked at me like that’s enough now, get it together. And most of the time he was right. I took him once to get our auras read. They took a photo of me alone and then a photo of us together. My photo alone had a lot of colors, it was bright and a bit chaotic. My colors bled in to all different directions, but when they took my picture with him, it was a beautiful solid purple. The man told me that Walter was my angel, he was a calming presence to me and that together we completed each other.

When they diagnosed him with heart disease at 10, it felt like a knife slid in to my chest. My vet heard a heart murmur during a routine check up and tasked me with finding a dog cardiologist in South Florida. The closest one to me could see him in six months. I was afraid it would be detrimental to wait that long. So, I called all over and finally found one that could see us in a month that was an hour plus away from me. I drove him to Pompano Beach and sat on a couch in an exam room while a doctor told me that Walter had heart disease. I felt like all the air had been sucked out of the building.

After that diagnosis, it felt like I had a countdown ticking on my time with best friend. Even though I know life is finite, before I walked in to that office I felt like I knew our time would end some day but there was no rush or sense of urgency. Now, everything felt different. They said maybe a year, maybe less, but hard to know. They loaded me up with $1,000 worth of medication that I would have to repurchase every two to three months and sent us on our way. I had an anxiety attack in the car on the drive home. I was now in charge of giving him five pills a day for the rest of his life and quarterly visits to a cardiologist that were an all day and expensive affair. It felt like a massive responsibility on my shoulders, and I had no one to help me. Although I’d always been in charge of keeping him alive, now it felt like if I didn’t do a good job with this, it would cost me the precious and limited remaining time I had left.

Walter did fine for a year and then he got really sick. He got a bad bout of pancreatitis, and he spent two days hospitalized. I spent $15,000 running every test imaginable and getting him on a brand new drug (that is now much cheaper) to try to save him. It was a few months before his birthday, and they told me to prepare myself to say goodbye and that he wouldn’t make it to the end of the week. Because we are both extremely stubborn and determined beings, Walter made it another nine months. Toward the end, we fought for every minute together. My whole life revolved around making him chicken, taking him to doctor appointments, giving him pills around the clock, fluids once a week, B12 shots… I was desperate for anything to keep him around a little longer. I cried so many times in that last year because I knew I was going to lose him and even though I was spending all my money and exhausting all my energy, I knew there was nothing I could do to stop it. I was only delaying the inevitable.

One sunny, beautiful afternoon, the kind you only get a few times a year in Florida, I’d had the windows open to my apartment letting a nice breeze in, and Walter was feeling particularly good. I was making him chicken and listening to music. He was doing something funny, and I laughed and then immediately burst in to tears. For a moment, I felt this pure joy that could not be replicated by anything else in my life, and as soon as I felt it, I sobbed because I knew I was going to lose it. Walter was the part of my life that made me the happiest. He showed me the depth of my love that I didn’t know existed before I brought him home. He was the first time I felt accepted and understood and the first time I felt safe. He really was my everything.

As time passed, the doctors told me I would know when it was time to let him go, but every time we got close, I felt strongly I would never know. How would I ever be able to find the strength to say goodbye? I didn’t want him to suffer, but I couldn’t imagine a life without him. On Mother’s Day in 2025, we walked down to the water, and he barely made it. We sat for a long time looking out at the waves, and in that moment, I knew. The next day I drove him back to Sarasota so he could be with my dad and the women who had cared for him at our vet since he was a baby could put him to sleep. It was the strangest experience to sit every day for a week knowing that on May 15, I would lose him. I fed him everything I could, everything he would eat. I slept beside him every night and laid on the couch with him all day long. I carried him the last day when his legs gave out, and when he passed, he took his last breath in my arms while I looked in to his eyes. It was peaceful, but it was the hardest thing I’ve ever done.

The last year of his life was so difficult. I’d talk to my therapist about it sometimes because I would feel so much guilt that I knew when this was over, I would have some relief. I was stressed beyond words, sleep deprived and exhausted. My whole life had become round the clock care to my soulmate who was a sick baby and an old person all wrapped in to one. I cooked him chicken at all hours of the day, feeding it to him at varying temperatures on various surfaces. He went through a stage where he paced in the middle of the night for a month, and I never got more than two hour intervals of sleep. People ask me why I didn’t rush out to get another dog after he passed, and it’s because after I let him go, I needed to take care of myself. I would do it all over again tenfold for extra time with him, but it has been a relief in the aftermath to not have such intense responsibility on my already tired shoulders.

Every day that passes feels like it takes me further away from him. It feels like two weeks have passed and simultaneously two years. There are reminders of him everywhere, pieces of him all around me. I travel with his favorite toy, a brown stuffed bear, and sleep with it every night. I’ve taken him to Canada, California, New York, Georgia, South Carolina and Maine- so many places I wish we could have gone together. All the things people tell you about grief are true. It really does come in waves. When the tide rescinds, it feels like the world is calm, like everything is okay for a brief moment. When the tide rolls back in, some days the waves are small. They splash around your ankles like a constant reminder that to enjoy the beach, you still have to wade through something sad. Other days, it feels like you are stuck in a tsunami. It’s easy to get lost in the wave and hard to fight your way through to the surface. I guess that’s why they say that healing isn’t linear. For how much and how deeply I loved him, it makes sense my grief would take the same amount of space that my love did. It’s just that some days, like today, it knocks the wind out of me just how much I miss him.

After he passed, I talked to a psychic. I was desperate for any shred of information or kind words that would make me feel less sad. She told me that Walter was a being who had chosen to inhabit this life as a dog because he knew that I would need joy. She confirmed to me that we were soulmates and that we have and will find each other in every lifetime. She said this was not the first or the last time we would be together. I didn’t care if it was just something she made up to comfort a stranger who had tears running down her face on the other end of the phone. It gave me closure that I needed, and I choose to believe it because the alternative just feels too sad. I know when I see him in my dreams, he’s reminding me that this isn’t the end. I feel blessed for the 12.5 years we had together, grateful for how many people loved him and for all the adventures we shared, and I know some day we will meet again.

I am a woman possessed. I can’t stop talking about Summer House. I can’t stop thinking about Summer House. I have listened to the leaked audio and now I am also extremely enraged by Summer House. So, I am writing this in hopes I will get it all out of my system and MOVE ON from Summer House.

Over the past month, I’ve analyzed every angle of this alarming and diabolical story and then I’ve analyzed myself for why I am so personally bothered by the actions of Amanda Batula. Going in mental circles has led me down some paths I’d long forgotten, but the answer is simple really, friend betrayals leave a mark on you that never really go away.

In life, the odds are more likely than not that a man will betray you in some small and forgettable or very grand and embarrassing way. It’s why we have breakup songs, it’s why Olivia Rodrigo’s album Sour is one of the top streamed albums of all time, and it’s why Taylor Swift has an impressive catalog of cathartic anthems that generations of women relate to. In some ways, we expect this betrayal from men, but we do not expect it from the women we surround ourselves with.

Your friends are supposed to keep you safe. They are supposed to provide a space where you can be your authentic self and let all your walls down. They are supposed to provide a haven from the men who will inevitably betray and break you, a sounding board when you are sad or struggling, and they are supposed to be your biggest cheerleaders and confidantes. I’ve been more vulnerable and told girl friends more embarrassing and personal things than I have ever told a man. As an only child who is not close to my family, I think of my girl friends as my sisters. They are my village, they are my people and they are supposed to help lift you up. They are not supposed to actively work against you.

There is something very dark about a woman who can hold you while you cry and then stab you in the back. It feels like a betrayal at the deepest level. It’s why they say friendship breakups hurt more than relationship breakups. And it’s why I am so outraged by Amanda’s actions.

In high school, I had a friend who would make it a point to flirt and/or hook up with a guy I was interested in. It happened a few times but two of them were deeply impactful. The first time I could forgive and the second time I could not. Here was this girl I had made my entire inner circle. For a year we did everything together. My grandmother picked her up for school in the mornings. When I got my car, I started picking her up for school. I talked to her via text or on the phone at all hours, spent time with her family and even photoshopped her report card (a feat in itself circa 2006) so she could get a car. And yet not once but twice she betrayed my trust.

The second and more egregious time was the first boy I ever had a serious crush on. He was two years older than us. He was cool and he skateboarded. He started getting stupid tattoos when he turned 18 during his senior year. I couldn’t believe that this guy could be interested in me, which is comical now, but my friend knew how much I liked him, that he had been my first kiss and then pursued him behind my back and lied about it.

At the time, I’d felt like I was going insane. I’d watch them flirt and I’d ask her to stop. She’d tell me I was crazy and that they weren’t flirting and the way they behaved with each other was totally normal. Another close friend saw them making out in the parking lot one day after school, and when I asked if this was true, she denied it. Later on, I would find out they had a full relationship behind my back while he was also pursuing me. I was mad at him of course, but this was an 18-year-old idiot who suddenly had two girls interested in him. Did he owe me respect? Yes, but for him to withhold that was unsurprising. For her, it was heartbreaking. She’d lied to me, she’d hurt me and she really hadn’t even cared about it. She’d shown no remorse and offered zero apologies. I couldn’t understand how someone I’d held with so much esteem could disregard my feelings so easily. After all, she was my friend. He was just another guy.

Twenty years later I can still say that it shaped me in the way I interact with women and the way I choose my friends. In my 30s, I had another friend who befriended a guy I was interested in. It was shockingly reminiscent of the friendship I’d had in my teens. We did everything together except hang out with this man I was actively dating. She would call him at late hours of the night. She’d spend time with him, and they’d post about it on Instagram but I was never invited. I learned from social media that he went to her family Thanksgiving. It was beyond strange to me. I couldn’t understand why I was never included or at the very least kept in the loop, why it felt like we were both vying for his attention and why he was almost pitting us against each other. It felt like being 16 all over again and reopened a wound I thought had long scarred over.

Early on, I asked him if he was interested in her. If he was, I wanted no part of this. I didn’t want to date someone who if given the chance would rather be with my friend. I also felt that if they wanted to be together, I could step aside for it and eventually we could find our way back as friends if this was done early enough and with honesty and proper care. To my knowledge, they never had a romantic relationship. I don’t speak to either of them now. The strangeness around the situation led to a massive fissure in our friendship that eventually could not be repaired. For me, it is exactly as Ciara Miller stated- girls who move weird make my skin crawl.

Subscribe now

Hearing Amanda double down at the reunion in the leaked audio shocked me. It knocked the wind out of me. I have texted my friends so many times asking how could Amanda do this to Ciara? How could she continue to see West and look Ciara in the eyes knowing how much Ciara cared for West (and I truly believe at one point thought she was in love) and not feel remorse? In fact, she almost seems to feel entitled to his affection. I’ve pondered it over and over again, and all I can come up with is that some women base their value on a man’s attention and that means more to them than having a best friend.

To me, I cannot understand how you could throw away a friend who supports you and really sees you over a man. All I could think of is that for women who center men it must feel less vulnerable to prioritize a man’s affection over building and maintaining a deep female friendship. After all, if you don’t really like yourself, what is scarier than being truly seen? What is scarier than having to face a friend who will hold you accountable when you need to be? I firmly believe a man will never see a woman like another woman does. How could they? Women have so many singular experiences that only other women will ever understand and relate to. Maybe for a woman who deep down does not like herself or feels inadequate, being seen for who you are is a very scary thing. And for a woman whose value is tied up in their relationship status, the hype you get from a best friend must always fall flat in comparison to the validation you feel from being labeled someone’s wife or girlfriend. After all, society loves to drill in to us that being a wife or a mother is a marker of success. If that is what you believe to be the biggest life achievement, nothing else will ever measure up.

As for West, I am not surprised. I met him once in person a few years back and I immediately knew he was not the TV sweetheart that society had labeled him. Unfortunately, that kind of insight can only be gained from years of entertaining and being played by my own local West Wilsons. But he has moved in a diabolical way as well. Out of the entire season, the most honest statement he has made was that he resents Ciara because the fans hold his feet to the fire. Ciara’s mistake is a lesson that I have learned one too many times as well- do not date unserious men below your level. Sure, West is funny and charming, but without a stamp of approval from an insanely beautiful and down to earth model/nurse, I’m not sure his roster would have ever reached the shocking impressiveness it got to. I also think without Ciara’s stamp of approval, Amanda may not have had the urge to go for West. Because ultimately I think Amanda is someone who wants to feel like she can get the un-gettable guy. She did it once for Kyle too. But look at the embarrassment and peace of mind it cost her.

I cannot fathom how West and Amanda are moving the way they are. It is not in my nature, and it never will be. If they cannot manage to have an ounce of compassion for the woman they both have called their close friend and remorse for lying to their entire friend group, then at least they should have some concern over their careers. I can’t imagine Jimmy Johns is banging down the door of someone who has now been labeled a snake in the grass on national TV to hype up their subs.

Either way, it is a lesson and reminder to us all. Amanda looked Ciara in the eye and said she saw her and that Ciara deserved more respect and then went on to wound her and disrespect her in a profoundly insensitive manner. It is haunting and shocking to see someone’s mask so inelegantly ripped off, but ultimately, a woman who values men over their female friendships will never be a good friend even if they want to. They are wired differently with different values. Amanda clearly feels like she did not owe Ciara an ounce of empathy or seemingly honestly. And although I feel sorry for Ciara, in some ways I feel more sorry for Amanda. What a loss to go through life without women beside you to remind you of and help you step in to your power.

Some day I will go back and look for the writing on the wall. I have to imagine that the signs were there all along dotted on the side of the road saying “Pick Me Girl Ahead” or “Warning: Not a Girl’s Girl,” but I was too blinded by her cool outfits, pretty face, my pity for her due to Kyle’s poor treatment and my grace garnered from Paige’s stamp of approval to pay them much attention. I do not know where Summer House goes from here, where West and Amanda go from here (hopefully back to Missouri and New Jersey, respectively and separately), but I do know they have helped place Ciara on a much deserved upward trajectory. Amanda may feel like she has won West, but her prize is a man who pretends to but ultimately does not respect women including her. A prize that I imagine some day will not be worth what it cost her to win it.

Some pop culture highs this week were Sabrina Carpenter’s new music video for “House Tour,” Gabby Windey roasting West on her podcast and of course, the Amanda statement saying she will be hitting up bars and posting pictures on social media for her mental health. Relatable, if I’m being honest. As for TV, Bravo is CRANKING out shows to the point where I’m a little overwhelmed. I’m also deeply distraught by the finale of Shrinking- a show I relied on every week to make me laugh and sob. But alas, we have the return of Hacks, and I am finally venturing in to some new shows (i.e., Your Friends and Neighbors and The Comeback) so I can watch their current seasons with everyone. We also have Euphoria returning, which I, and seemingly also the cast, am apprehensive to watch. Anyway, here’s some of my favorite moments from this week!

What I’m reading:

• The Correspondent by Virginia Evans

What I watched this week:

• Apple TV

  • Shrinking

  • Your Friends and Neighbors Season 1

• Bravo

  • Ladies of London, Married to Medicine, RHOA, RHOBH, RHORI, Summer House, The Valley

• CBS

  • Survivor 50

• HBO

  • Hacks

  • The Comeback Season 1

• MTV

  • RuPaul’s Drag Race

• Netflix

  • Trust Me: The False Prophet

• Prime Video

  • Jury Duty Presents: Company Retreat

“I have decided to EGOT.”

• What: Hacks (Season 5, Episode 1)

• Where: HBO

• Why: I don’t even want to get in to the anguish I will feel when Hacks comes to its inevitable end this season, but until then, I can’t wait for the ride and the inevitable Chris Briney cameo. I cannot emphasize enough how much I love Jimmy and Kayla. I was dying laughing at their good cop bad cop, and I’m excited to seemingly have more Robby Hoffman this season. Deborah performing with the Mexican tejano band to attempt to EGOT after paying McKinsey to do research on the weakest Grammy category for that year was hysterical. If you don’t believe me, then look at the awards, but Hacks is easily one of the funniest shows on TV.

“I’ve gotten in accidents. I ran over a woman.”

• What: RHORI (Season 1, Episodes 1 & 2)

• Where: Bravo/Peacock

• Why: Truly, stop what you are doing and go watch the Real Housewives of Rhode Island. I imagine it will take me at least six episodes to figure out who is who, but the show is off to an insane start. We have all the things that make housewives great in one tiny place- wealth, skeletons in the closet, women willing to air out those skeletons and comedy. There is a woman (Liz, my favorite by the way) who looks exactly like Dolores because they share a plastic surgeon AND a dentist and calls herself the Queen of Weed. There’s a woman who is at least four years younger than me, which pains me deeply, who is living in the 12,000 square foot home of her boyfriend who refuses to film and half the year has another girlfriend. Not to mention she also has another boyfriend! There is the woman above who has been engaged since the birth of her 9-year-old child and apparently ran over someone? There is another woman who broke the news to a cast mate they call Rue La La about her husband having a mistress. There is also a lady from the Bachelor, but I do not know her lore. I don’t know all their names yet, but I am dedicating myself as a Liz stan for now. It’s a bonkers ride so far, and I cannot get enough.

“That’s Hollywood for you.”

• What: The Comeback Season 1, Episode 8

• Where: HBO

• Why: Everyone said I would love The Comeback. I don’t know why I put it off for so long. I won’t lie that it took me awhile to get in to the season, but the Palm Springs episode was hysterical. I am bizarrely attracted to Valerie’s husband Mark, and I couldn’t stop laughing at them riding in the Navigator with the car rep popping up every two minutes to ask them to go in to detail about the car’s speaker system. Valerie finding out one of her acquaintances had beat cancer on camera, encouraging a man to come out on her show so she could use his clip saying he was a fan, struggling to find pool chairs at the crack of dawn, getting drunk and leaving a voicemail on the horrible Paulie G’s phone and Mark’s smile at the end when she loses it- incredible and also brilliant TV. I can’t wait to finish the second season and watch season three live with everyone else.

“What should I wear when I take down a pedophile?”

• What: Trust Me: The False Prophet

• Where: Netflix

• Why: I have a weird affinity toward watching shows that deal with the secrets and inner workings of the FLDS church, and this four part Netflix docuseries did not disappoint. Christine and her husband Tolga moved to Short Creek, Utah to try to document the lives of and help the remaining members who were flailing in the absence of their “prophet” Warren Jeffs. During the process, they meet a man named Samuel Bateman, who takes advantage of the absence of power with Jeffs serving a life sentence in prison and claims he is now the prophet speaking for Jeffs. He gets local men in town to gift him their daughters, and he takes a ton of wives including marrying underage girls. Upon realizing what is happening, Christine and Tolga continue to film and attempt to put a stop to Bateman’s actions. I watched the entire thing in one sitting.

“Go make some new scars.”

• What: Shrinking S3 Finale

• Where: Apple TV

• Why: Give Harrison Ford an Emmy. His portrayal of Paul is hilarious, heartbreaking and deeply emotional to me! A lot of Shrinking has centered around the idea of loneliness, and in this finale, I related so much to Jimmy. He watches his daughter go to college and his friends have children, move in to new homes, get engaged and even retire. It feels like everyone is moving in one direction or another with purpose, and he feels stuck in the quicksand that trauma can cause. He’s so scared of getting hurt again that he doesn’t move in a forward trajectory in his life and is scared to put himself back out there. But Paul shows up for him. He tells him to go make new scars- they are not something to be ashamed of, but more a badge of honor of a life well lived. I say it every week, but I really do think this is the best show on TV. I’ve had to unpack it in therapy multiple times because the themes are so relatable to me. It feels like tuning in every week to watch your friends, and I will miss the laughs and the tears (because my god did I cry during the last five minutes). Till season four, I will continue to advocate for Harrison Ford’s Emmy.

Anyway, here’s what scenes I was loving and/or horrified by this week. Honorable mention to Dorit leaving Erika and Kyle in that abandoned town on their gelato intervention.

What I watched this week:

• Apple TV

  • Shrinking

• Bravo

  • Ladies of London, Married to Medicine, RHOBH, Southern Charm, Summer House

• CBS

  • Survivor 50

• HBO

  • The Comeback Season 1

• Hulu

  • Love Story FX, Paradise

• MTV

  • RuPaul’s Drag Race

• Netflix

  • Louis Theroux: Inside the Manosphere

• Prime Video

  • Jury Duty Presents: Company Retreat

“How do we know we won’t hurt each other?”

• What: Love Story FX, Finale

• Where: Hulu

• Why: I knew I was making a mistake when I did it. Everything feels more heightened in the night time, and I should have watched the finale of Love Story at a nice unemotional time like noon. But, I did it and I sobbed for an hour from 1 to 2 a.m. on a Friday night. I loved this series so much. I am truly so sad to see it end, and I think it made it that much harder knowing what we were hurtling toward the entire season. Only John and Carolyn will know what was really going on between them in the final days of their marriage, but I loved that we ended their love story on a positive note as much as we could. I loved revisiting Panna II, the kiss in the elevator and her showing up at the event to support him. It’s a nice idea to think that Carolyn was beside John in the end, talking him through the anxiety he must have felt in the final moments of their life. I hope she felt optimistic about their marriage and where life would take them up until the end. I’m glad the writers and showrunners chose to make it peaceful. I hope it was. The scene of Caroline and Carolyn’s mother was also devastating. It felt like an Emmy-nominee off at that table between who was giving the best performance. Even with the inevitably sad ending, I will miss the fun feeling this show recreated of being in love in the beginning, the Kennedy and 90s New York lore, the life it breathed back in to two incredibly culturally significant people, the fashion, the beautifully shot scenes and the soundtrack.

“They end.”

• What: Paradise

• Where: Hulu

• Why: Yes, I have been deep in the Threads, Twitter, Reddit of it all when it comes to Paradise and I am perhaps more confused than ever. Are we dealing with time travel?! Is Link really Sinatra’s son? Is Bean actually Billy? Truly, what the hell is going on. I need the finale to tell me the answers to all my questions because this show is perhaps going in a direction I did not anticipate, which shouldn’t be that shocking considering the first episode they literally blew my mind by being in an underground bunker after the apocalypse. All I know is if we’re committing to the time travel and multiple timelines bit, then I need more James Marsden. Losing him so early was the worst part of season one and having him narrate the end of the penultimate episode was fantastic especially with a monologue that felt very relevant to the times we live in now.

“I’m a dumbass bitch, Kyle.”

• What: Summer House Season 10, Episode 8

• Where: Bravo/Peacock

• Why: Andy Cohen said he thought that this was the worst episode we’ve ever seen of Kyle in the decade he’s been on the show, but I disagree. What made this worse than any of the other times Kyle has demoralized and embarrassed Amanda over the years? Was it that he said “f**k you” in front of other people unprovoked? I’d argue telling her to get a personality on the apology dunes a few episodes back was worse, just maybe less aggressive. Also, lest we forget the multitude of times he has called her a bitch behind her back, so maybe this time it was worse because he said it to her face. Either way it’s clear these two have reached a breaking point and do not belong together anymore. Sadly, we all saw this coming. I have to applaud West for stepping in to try to fix this train wreck, but my god they are making it an unenjoyable season despite having a great new bunch of new cast members. Thank god for Bailey, Mia and KJ for being entertaining and I’ll even throw Ben a bone because he had a few good jokes in last week’s episode. I do worry the season is being overshadowed by the rumors of West and Amanda. Somehow everyone has a story or knows someone who knows someone who took a photo of them through her apartment window (??). Seemingly, if we put the Bravo sleuths together in a war room we might be able to do something meaningful like find Nancy Guthrie.

“How can I be any good for anyone in my life if I’m not happy myself?”

• What: Shrinking: Season 3, Episode 9

• Where: Apple TV

• Why: Brian’s Ted Talk on selfishness was both simultaneously poignant and hilarious. He compares himself to Mother Teresa, who he says is also selfish because the only reason she helped all those people was because it made her feel good. Somehow, he’s not wrong. I say it every week but this show always makes me laugh and cry. He asks, “How can I be any good for anyone in my life if I’m not happy myself?” A reminder that I think we all need from time to time- that it’s okay to be a little selfish and do things that are important and matter to you because that’s the only way you can be the best version of yourself who in turn can help others. Long story short, just go watch Shrinking.

“I’d come to the Manosphere’s spiritual home- Miami”

• What: Louis Theroux: Inside the Manosphere

• Where: Netflix

• Why: I’d heard a lot of rumblings about this documentary and I love Louis Theroux so I thought okay, I’ll be brave. I was not brave enough. The Manosphere is a documentary where Theroux interviews about six toxic male influencers who have millions of followers and are perhaps some of the most insane people I’ve ever seen. It terrifies me that men agree with their values, people admire and applaud them and that women sleep with men like this and even worse have children with them! Every interview felt like satire, but it wasn’t- they really believed the nonsense they were saying like one-way monogamous relationships made women happy, men know what women want better than women do, and that men built cities and infrastructure, women just have value based on their looks and that value can get us important things in life like a ride around the block in a rented foreign car and flights to Miami. There were definitely moments that were funny because Theroux lets these men speak and realizes they’re so crazy that the more space he gives them, the more stupid and delusional they sound. But overall, it was pretty scary. I’d recommend watching it just to have your eyes opened. I know mine were. And I’d also like to say for how appealing these influencers think they are to women, Louis Theroux has never been hotter to me than he was as a defender of women and common sense while he was running mental laps around these losers.

“This is literally the best trip ever.”

• What: Jury Duty Presents: Company Retreat (Episodes 4 and 5)

• Where: Prime Video

• Why: A lot of what I watched this week was heavy, so to say these two episodes were much needed is an understatement. The newest episode opens with Anthony and PJ making a YouTube video for PJ’s snack influencer page. I was howling while they did their rating of chomps and half chomps on chocolate covered bananas. I saw someone post that the Jury Duty concept would never work on a woman, and this is so true. I’d have one million questions for everyone, but Anthony just takes everything in stride. I was howling when Anthony let Other Anthony win the inflatable horse race and at his reaction when he saw Emily and Other Anthony making out. The shaved abs, the insane TedTalk about Mt. Everest, the red-headed PE firm, the bloody Mary and the rum punch… all these moments had me in tears. I watched The Manosphere on the same day as the new Company Retreat episodes, and it feels abundantly clear that the world needs more Anthonys and fewer whatever the hell they’re breeding in the toxic masculinity Petri dish of Miami. The world is so dark right now! Go watch Company Retreat and LAUGH.

Tell me your favorite or WTF moments below!

Subscribe now

What I watched this week:

• Apple TV

  • Shrinking

• Bravo

  • Ladies of London, Married to Medicine, RHOBH, Southern Charm, Summer House (I missed Summer House this week though)

• CBS

  • Survivor 50

• Hulu

  • Love Story FX, Paradise, Secret Lives of Mormon Wives

• MTV

  • RuPaul’s Drag Race

• Netflix

  • Dynasty: The Murdochs

• Prime Video

  • Jury Duty Presents: Company Retreat

“Did you enjoy it? Did you finish?”

• What: Secret Lives of Mormon Wives (Season 4)

• Where: Hulu

• Why: Well, I figured we might as well start with the disaster in the room that is Taylor Frankie Paul’s cancelled season of “The Bachelorette.” I watched all of season four over last weekend and I have to say I ended it sitting in silence, triggered and pondering the last toxic relationship I had that took me over a year to recover from. The scene above was particularly was horrible to watch. In the episode, Taylor finds out that Dakota slept with someone at the Vanderpump Villa (don’t even get me started on the fact we have to endure DadTok and Marciano on ANOTHER show). She then calls Dakota while sitting in Jessi’s closet, that may or may not have a fridge inside of it, and asks him whether he enjoyed it and if he finished. While this image I made has now popped up all over Threads (no one uses the USE MEDIA BUTTON!), I sat in my room stunned that this was happening and that she almost seemed to enjoy the line of questioning. It only gets worse with her sleeping with Dakota the night before leaving to film “The Bachelorette,” missing her flight, telling him she loves him EN ROUTE TO THE MANSION and then agreeing to save him a rose. Save yourself the insanity and sadness of watching two people, who absolutely have no business being together let alone co-parenting, from imploding for 10 episodes and just know that Miranda is the best and none of this would have happened if they’d just let her be the bachelorette.

• HONORABLE MENTION: This is now a Conner and his close up magic stan account.

“Congrats on the Joke!!”

• What: Company Retreat

• Where: Prime Video

• Why: If you loved "Jury Duty,” which I maintain was one of the funniest shows I’ve ever watched, then please run, don’t walk to Prime Video for “Company Retreat.” When I tell you I was LAUGHING OUT LOUD at this proposal scene and so many others that I had tears. If you don’t know, the premise of the show is that everyone is an actor except for one person, who thinks what is happening is real, and is being filmed by a documentary crew. This season they are doing a company retreat for Rockin’ Grandmas Hot Sauce and the calamity that has ensued three episodes in is hysterical.

“I wore an empath spray that a magician made me in Nashville.”

• What: Southern Charm Reunion Part One

• Where: Bravo/Peacock

• Why: I wish I could say I made the sentence above up- that I conjured it from deep in my imagination, and it’s so creative that I’ve been hired as a comedy writer for a new HBO show. I haven’t. This is real. Craig really said he wore an empath spray that a magician made him in Nashville because the magician was worried he was TOO empathetic. Obviously, of course he did.

  However, sadly, there’s not enough empath spray in the world to make the reunion or the season feel less rough. Craig claims to have authentically been himself all season, and the fact that Shep finds that scary should be enough for him to look in the mirror and do some soul searching, but alas, he does not. Meanwhile Austen offends Salley by calling her a bar rat and mentioning her body count after Salley threw herself at him 15 minutes prior to the aforementioned statement and throughout the course of the entire season once she realized Craig was not interested in her and that she would be raising chickens as a single mom. I assume body count is a reference to the people she’s slept with in the Bravoverse, but either way, it’s a bad look all around- his audacity, her desperation, Craig’s delusion. I’m not even sure the Nashville magician can fix this.

“Loneliness is a bitch, and it’s a lonely world out there.”

• What: Shrinking (Season 3, Episode 8)

• Where: Apple TV

• Why: Easy- it’s the best show on TV. Every episode I tune in and laugh and cry over the span of 33 minutes. The show has impacted me so deeply that I actually had to unpack with my therapist how much a quote Maya said resonated with me. This week, we are dealing with the aftermath of her loss and how it’s impacting Gaby, but also the importance of how her community shows up for her. It’s extremely heavy but balanced out by the humor of things like Liz trying an Olive Garden breadstick for the first time and Harrison Ford donning slime Nikes. I can’t say it enough- watch “Shrinking.” You won’t regret it.

“Because you are America’s son, and I’m just another tragedy that you bravely endure.”

• What: Love Story (Episode 8)

• Where: Hulu/FX

• Why: “Love Story” started out so incredibly strong, but I think it’s the consequence of the subject matter that the last two episodes have been hard to watch. Not because they haven’t been interesting or beautifully shot, but because the high of the romance from the first six episodes is gone. We knew it was coming, we know how it ends and we know it was rocky on the way to the end. So none of the way the last two episodes have played out is a surprise, but the dramatization of what could have been going on in that loft over the last two years of Carolyn and John’s life is sad. This episode takes place solely in said loft and spans essentially a whole year and two major fights- one where we see the impact of Princess Diana’s death on both Carolyn and John and the second where we see the continued impact the press played on her reclusiveness and how that ultimately hurt their marriage. We’ll never know how much of this is true but we do know that Carolyn wasn’t quite the shut in in real life as they made her seem in this episode. She continued to attend some events with John leading up to their deaths, which we don’t see on the show. Either way, I found the ending fight and Carolyn crying as the episode closed impactful. I personally think Sarah Pidgeon is doing an amazing job. Next week is the finale and this will show will be sorely missed on my roster when it’s over.

Tell me your favorite or WTF moments below!

Subscribe now

Subscribe now

The Highs

• Michael B. Jordan wins BEST ACTOR for Sinners! He personally thanks me (aka the people who went to the movies) in his speech for going to the theater to watch it multiple times.

• Baby Yoda in the audience waving to the camera as some unexplainable promo for the new Mandalorian movie.

• Autumn Durald Arkapaw winning best cinematography for Sinners and asking all the women in the audience to stand up and also Ryan Coogler carrying her son closer to the stage to watch her speech. ALSO being the FIRST woman and woman of color to win this award.

• The in memoriam being the saddest thing I think I’ve ever sat through because we lost so many greats this year- the Rob Reiner tribute, Barbra singing for Robert Redford, the moments for Catherine O’Hara and Diane Keaton. Rachel McAdams did a great job.

• Oscar award winner Leonardo DiCaprio holding a light globe and waving it in the air for the KPOP Golden performance.

• Zendaya and Robert Pattinson presenting. I don’t care if The Drama winds up a certified flop on Rotten Tomatoes. I will be there in the theater to support these icons.

• Anne Hathaway and Anna Wintour presenting to do promo for the new Devil Wears Prada movie.

• Conan as a host- I thought he killed it!

• Kate Hawley winning best costume design for Frankenstein, and Guillermo del Toro looking on with so much pride during her speech!

• Leo and Pedro’s mustache swap.

• And lastly, everything Sinners related. I saw almost all the nominations for best film, and it was the most memorable and the one I’ve watched the most times since its release. Runners up for me were Frankenstein, Sentimental Value, Bugonia and F1. I especially loved the performance with Misty Copeland coming out post-hip replacement surgery and dancing in front of Timmy.

The Lows

• We’ve got to stop playing people off when they win awards particularly when a team wins. These people have waited their whole lives to win this award, and we can’t even give them five minutes to have a moment!

• The camera work - why do we have multiple scenes where heads were blocking the shots. HOW did no one have an audience camera on Leo during the Golden performance?

• One Battle After Another winning so much- I am probably the only person who really didn’t like that movie. It took me 48 hours to finish. Also, I don’t like Sean Penn.

• Also- even though I have a lot of the moments mentioned in the highs above, do we always do so much promo at the Oscars for movies that haven’t come out yet?

• Jacob Elordi not winning for Frankenstein.

• Jesse Plemons nomination snub for Bugonia.

Best Dressed on the Oscars Red Carpet

I won’t lie that I think the Oscars red carpet was a bit of a snooze, but the stand outs to me were Jessie Buckley in Chanel, Elle Fanning in Givenchy and Mikey Madison in Dior. I also want to shout out Chase Infiniti who looked beyond beautiful in her lavender dress, even if I didn’t love the ruffles.

Best Dressed at the Vanity Fair After Party

I’m okay with the idea of never going to the Oscars, but I do hope some day I find myself at the Vanity Fair After Party with every celebrity that’s ever existed. Brittany Broski, Jake Shane and Quenlin Blackwell were um…. really something on that red carpet. I am fairly certain Jake was having a panic attack at least 70% of the time and at some point, I hit my mental capacity to take it in with the three of them but, hey we persevered. Here’s my best dressed of the night. I think my favorites below are Teyana Taylor, Chase Infiniti and Simone Ashley.

Dating is a hellscape. All the single girls know it- I am not breaking any news there. In your mid 30s, the dating field becomes a battle field. Everyone is tired. Everyone is wounded. And everyone is fighting for their lives.

Over the years, I became used to a life of solitude. The heydays of my roster have long since passed. The last date I went on was more than two years ago, and the only guy I’ve kissed in a year and a half was because someone DM’ed me after I posted that I was at my hometown HOOTERS. He showed up with 10 minutes notice to the door of my parent’s house to hang out with me, let me put on an old season of “Survivor” and then we proceeded to make out for about 30 minutes until we called it a night. He left, and I went on to watch Yam Yam take home a million dollars (a bizarrely thrilling evening in retrospect).

Honestly, it all made sense for me though. I had back to back bad relationships after which I decided it would be more beneficial to take some time to myself before jumping back in and setting another bomb off in my nervous system. If I’m honest, every man I’ve ever really cared about has left me mentally exhausted. And by the time I exited the last shit show, I was tired. My therapist was tired. My friends were tired. The people who watch my Instagram stories and wonder if I’m mentally ill (I might be) were tired.

I had spent the majority of my life worrying about men. Who was I without a crush? Was I desirable if no one was texting me “WYD” on a Friday night? Without a man, what could I spin my wheels on? What could bring me joy if not a rush of a red heart on a thirst trap I’d strategically posted? Don’t worry, those questions sounded bad to me too. So, I decided a few years ago to find new questions to ask myself and new answers that didn’t involve the opposite sex. I decided to decenter men and focus on things like watching copious amounts of TV, trying every restaurant in town, reformer pilates and the art of posting cryptic Spotify lyrics on my story because hey, you gotta keep the people guessing somehow.

But before I could even fully re-regulate myself and recover from my dating battle wounds that had left me reading Attached in my bedroom, my dog got sick. Dating didn’t just get taken off the table then, Teresa Giudice flipped the table so hard that dating landed somewhere in the Atlantic Ocean with a cinder block attached to it. There was no way I was going to waste the last months of my soul dog’s life hanging out with some guy I inevitably wouldn’t think about again six months down the road. And then my dog passed, and I had to process a profound sadness that even seven months later still creeps up on me when I least expect it. After he passed, I started a shockingly long journey of freezing my eggs, which did not really catapult me in to the mood of wanting to go on dates. Although the estrogen pills did make me feel like a feral animal in heat, once I started injecting myself with hormones and the doctors and nurses prodded me with an ultrasound three times a week, the last thing I wanted was for someone to speak to me let alone touch me.

So yeah, life was, you know, life-ing. I was OK with this stint I was serving in singledom until my friends suggested I watch that “gay hockey show,” and now the worst thing imaginable has happened- I spend my nights contemplating if I want to start dating again. Or at the bare minimum talking to men again, biting on a hoodie string and sending fun flirty messages to someone who isn’t the worst person I’ve ever met.

I turned on that show, saw Ilya smoking a cigarette followed by Ilya in the shower, followed by boys sweating on bikes, followed by the fine man that is Scott Hunter sipping a borderline mediocre looking smoothie, and I folded immediately. I discovered this life hack that if you aren’t actively hanging out with men, then you actually don’t really miss hanging out with men. But now I’m mentally at the cottage. I’m attempting to swipe on dating apps. I’m dragging my tired ass out to a bar to try to to look cute, approachable and carefree in the hopes my Ilya Rozanov is also at the bar looking for his future wife. What have these hockey players and their sexual stretches on the ice done to me?

Subscribe now

I went from popping in on a dating app for five minutes once a week just to swipe no to 30 men in rapid fire succession to wanting to look across the club longingly at my man while t.A.T.u serenades us. Suddenly, I want to go to my man’s gorgeous Architectural Digest “cottage” where I’ll even swim in a body of water that is not a pool (because I love him that much), do mermaid jumps and shout “give me kiss!” I want my man to wave to me on the ice while I make my way down the steps at the slowest possible pace and make out with him while the whole crowd cheers! And more importantly, I want to have fun sex with a person I love and feel safe with, who I can also call when times get really hard and cry to because they let me be vulnerable and also really hear me.

In a lot of ways, “Heated Rivalry” is a fantasy show. It’s incredibly fun to watch because season one (I haven’t read the books) operates in a world where good things happen, hot guys have hot sex, seemingly no Stephen DeMarco types exist and men… communicate? Who knew? But in real life, dating is scary! It’s scary to be vulnerable! It’s scary to put yourself out there again. And the show captures some of that anxiety, but it also shows you something fun that you don’t always see in the real world. It highlights relationships that actually work out and gives the viewers dare I say- hope.

I think most women agree that dating over the last few years has gotten harder. They say there is a male loneliness epidemic, but I fear outside of the world of “Heated Rivalry”, the men are not lonely enough to work on becoming better romantic partners. And while I’d like to blame my difficult dating journey entirely on the men because that’s fun and hating on straight men is one of my favorite pastimes, I think dating has gotten harder for me because I have raised my bar out of the basement. Shitty guys have existed since the beginning of time, but now that I’m in my mid thirties, I don’t want to entertain them anymore. Instead for the first time in my life, I’m looking for someone who can make me laugh and who respects me, communicates with me and not only loves me but actually really likes me as a person. And more importantly, I’m asking myself for the first time, do I just want attention or do I really like them as a person too? And let’s just say this new development has added a whole level of difficulty to the mission.

It’s also been hard to wrap my mind around willingly subjecting myself to situations that could disturb my peace. I spent so long shielding myself from the inevitable anxiety of dating because I couldn’t take anymore on my plate, but now I am also scared to lose the strong, confident person I spent three years building myself in to. In survival mode, it was easier to convince myself that I don’t want to date anymore. But in moments of stillness, I know deep down I really do.

If I wait long enough, this feeling of optimism will pass. The motivation of a new year will wear off and too much “Tell Me Lies” will seep in to my brain. So, while I still feel the high I felt while cheering at the end of episode five, I want to try to get out there. The ups and downs of life have taught me that there is no perfect time to date and that it’s unrealistic to wait until everything is perfect to try to find a partner. Because life and people are ultimately imperfect, and the ideal partner is someone who will help you weather the storms. Who knows where this journey will lead or how far it will make it off the ground, but I just wanted to write this to say thank you to the fine men of the Major Hockey League (and Kip) who have encouraged me to put myself out there again and given me some much needed motivation in this difficult world of modern dating.

One of the most common questions I get on my Instagram account is for food recommendations in Miami. I moved to Miami in 2018 and I thought it would only be a year long situation, and now here I am on my eighth year in this city, somehow surviving by embracing my favorite past time- eating.

Miami is a weird place for a plethora of reasons I won’t get in to here, but I am going to focus on three different ways to experience this city. The first is the Miami Instagram highlight reel for the girls who want to go clubbing/bachelorette vibes and show they are a ~Miami~ girl for the weekend. The second is a mix between locals only and Miami girl because I get it- what’s the point of posting on Instagram about your vacation if you can’t give someone a little FOMO? The third is a chill vibe for people who are not looking for a high heels and tight dress experience but want more of the authentic local experience.

In my day to day life, I lean more toward the second and third options, but I have watched enough Instagram stories to have a sense where the girlies are going for option one. Enjoy your time in this chaotic and beautiful city. It’s definitely a place unlike any other in the U.S. with quite possibly the worst drivers and clubs that never close.

Note this list is as of January 2026. Restaurants come and go A LOT here. So can only vouch for it as of the time of writing!

Subscribe now

Party Girl Miami

Restaurants

• Mila

  • Miami Beach

  • Expensive and sceney! Dress code. Described as Mediterranean and Asian fusion, but the food gives more Asian vibes. This is a place to see and be seen. Fire dancers. I went recently around 6:30 pm, and it was pretty chill, but you could tell it was a place that picks up as the night goes on.

• Carbone

  • Two locations- Miami Beach & Coconut Grove

  • Italian. Miami Beach location is probably more sceney. Menus differ between the two spots, and the one in the Grove is a bit chiller.

• Delilah

  • Brickell

  • American. Dress code. Expensive. Live entertainment. I’ve been to the one in Vegas and liked it better, but the space is pretty cool. I think they don’t allow photos inside if I remember correctly. The food is pretty good but pricey for what it is. If you make it for the “Golden Hour” aka Happy Hour menu, then you will pay what is a more reasonable price for the iconic chicken tenders.

• Casadonna

  • Edgewater

  • Italian. Located in a really cool historic building with Klaw (see below). This is a Groot Hospitality spot so very Miami. Food is decent but a little overpriced IMO. I think the food at Klaw is better, but this is more of a scene. Think they do a special menu on Wednesdays with discounted martinis.

• Bagatelle

  • Miami River

  • French Mediterranean. The original Miami location is on the beach, but this one is brand new and most likely a hot spot at the moment.

• Casa Neos

  • Miami River.

  • Mediterranean. Close to Bagatelle. Also a hot spot. I haven’t eaten here so I can’t vouch for the food, but I know people like it.

• Zuma

  • Downtown.

  • Japanese. Expensive. Located on the water in the Epic Hotel. Famous for their extravagant weekend brunch. You’re not going to get pancakes at their brunch, it’s still all Asian food and sushi. Their food is really good, but be prepared to drop some money.

    

Clubs

• LIV, E11EVEN, Club Space

Vibes but a Little More Local Miami

Restaurants

• Sunny’s

  • Little River.

  • It’s located a little off the beaten path for a tourist, but trust me, it’s worth it. This was the pandemic sweetheart of Miami turned into a big buzzy indoor/outdoor restaurant with great cocktails and food. It’s a vibe and a must go when you’re in town, but it’s also a place that locals love for obvious reasons. They release reservations a month in advance on Resy and depending on the season, they can be a bit hard to snag. However, just set notify if you miss the window or if you want to walk in with a small party (like one or two), you can probably snag a seat at the bar where you can order the full menu. They also have an outdoor patio where you can grab drinks and light bites in. Bathrooms have great selfie lighting.

  • Skip the filet- get the hanger steak. It’s cheaper and better. I order almost the same thing for everyone- agnolotti (to die for), crudo, Caesar salad, the parker house rolls (you can’t skip these), the hanger steak with perigourdine sauce and bearnaise, russet potatoes and the ice cream sandwiches. Can’t lose.

    

• Daniel’s

  • Coral Gables.

  • Upscale steakhouse that feels like a place for adults/parents. Service is excellent, and I am obsessed with an exorbitant appetizer they serve of chips and dip with caviar. I also love their giant twice baked potato.

• Cote

  • Design District.

  • Michelin star Korean steakhouse that has great drinks and is a fun experience for out of towners. I always get the butcher’s feast because it’s an obscene amount of food for a fairly reasonable price. The servers cook your steaks on the grill in the center of your table. I’ve been told they have a good happy hour, and later in the night, it can feel like a buzzy vibe.

    

• Klaw

  • Edgewater.

  • Expensive upscale steakhouse in the same building as Casadonna. They also have a rooftop bar that has a great view of the water where you can get some of the items they serve in the restaurant. They also have a great happy hour.

• Surf Club

  • Surfside.

  • Michelin star restaurant in the Four Seasons Surfside. This is on Miami Beach, but it’s definitely a bit of a trek if you’re on the main land. It’s a great fancy spot though for like a splurge anniversary dinner or if you just want to go there and feel bougie. This is the iconic spot that Julia made out with a man at from Real Housewives of Miami. But it has a cool bar and definitely not a clubstaurant. Much more of a chiller/fancier/grownup ambiance.

• Claudie

  • Brickell.

  • I will be transparent that I had a rough dining experience here once, but I’m convinced that it was just one of those Mercury Retrograde evenings. However, I accept no responsibility for the service during your dinner! That being said the restaurant is really pretty and serves French food that was actually quite tasty. It’s a cool spot if you’re in Brickell.

• Cafe La Trova

  • Little Havana.

  • I was torn whether to put this in the locals section or here, but ultimately decided this section because it’s probably a bit more touristy than the average spot. It’s a famous Cuban restaurant on Calle Ocho, and they have live music and cocktails that always get them nominated for best bar awards.

  • If you’re in Little Havana, I’d also check out Azucar for ice cream and walk around Calle Ocho. There’s some bars over there too, but it’s just kind of a fun walk. It gets pretty crowded with tourists on the weekend. Versailles is the famous Cuban restaurant in Miami, but I haven’t been there in ages.

• Pastis

  • Wynwood.

  • French restaurant in Wynwood that has indoor and outdoor dining. A cool spot visually and the food is solid. It’s usually not hard to get a reservation for and I always enjoy the steak frites and a martini there. My friend loves the linguine vongole.

• Shiso

  • Wynwood.

  • Asian restaurant that has an indoor and outdoor bar with great drinks and food. Cool vibe.

• Joe’s Stone Crab

  • Miami Beach.

  • Yes, that Joe’s!! It’s an iconic Miami landmark. It’s been around forever, but it’s definitely a Miami staple for locals and out of towners alike. It’s expensive. But I have to say I often think of their stone crab bisque, and I think it’s fun that they give you bibs.

Drag Brunch

• Disclaimer: I have a preference for R House but honestly, you will have a blast at either one you go to. They’re both great for bachelorettes/birthdays.

• Palace

  • Miami Beach.

  • I think this is the more famous of the drag brunch spots. It’s on Ocean Drive, so location is kind of iconic but it’s very touristy. Probably the better spot to go to if you are staying on the beach due to location convenience. Uber there because parking is nonexistent. I haven’t been in a minute, but last time I went you could order off the menu here for brunch, which is a bit different than R House.

• R House

  • Wynwood.

  • My favorite of the two drag brunch spots. This one is in Wynwood, and it’s always a blast. You pay a set fee for a bottomless drink package and a family style menu. They’ll seat you either indoor or outdoor but the queens perform the whole space. Currently, two queens from R House on Drag Race!!

Lounges/Bars

• Miami Beach:

  • Medium Cool

    • I will be honest- my experience here is very limited, but it’s the one bar in Miami that I ever got hit on multiple times at in one night, so I have a soft spot for it. It’s a lounge on the beach that had fun music and dancing the time I went. I think it’s still cool?

  • Sweet Liberty

    • This is a tropical bar on the beach that feels like the one place you can go and be a normal person. They play fun throwback music and have snacks too.

• Downtown

  • Jolene

    • Lounge that has DJs and is open till 4 a.m. Good for dancing.

• Wynwood

  • Dante’s Hi Fi

    • Nobody and I mean NOBODY loves a vinyl bar more than Miami. This is the original that kicked off the stream of vinyl bars we now have. Drinks are great, but I would recommend making a reservation otherwise it’s standing room only inside. It’s a cool spot, but it’s not really a place you can dance, so better to have a seat to enjoy your cocktail at in my opinion.

      

It’s Giving Local Miami

Restaurants

• Boia De

  • Buena Vista.

  • One of the best restaurants in Miami. It’s a tiny Michelin star Italian restaurant that’s affordable and unpretentious. It’s located in a strip mall, but yay, there’s free parking! They change up the menu seasonally, but the can’t miss items that are usually always on it are the chopped salad, the steak tartare (my favorite one in Miami), the crispy polenta and the crispy tiramisu. You can’t go wrong with any of their pastas. Definitely a place you need to make a reservation for because it’s small and popular but they do take walk ins for smaller parties. Take your phone to the bathroom for the monkey wallpaper.

  

• Walrus Rodeo

  • Buena Vista.

  • Sister restaurant to Boia De. They make pizzas and the menu is a bit veg forward. If you can’t get a reservation at Boia De, this spot is a bit easier to get in to. It’s bigger and in the same strip mall.

• Tam Tam

  • Downtown.

  • Infatuation says this is the best restaurant in Miami, but I would beg to differ though the food is very good. That being said, it’s a Vietnamese restaurant that has a cool vibe. Go to the farthest bathroom to enjoy some karaoke.

• Fratesi Pizza

  • Downtown.

  • Newish thin pizza place downtown that is owned by the same people as Over Under/Tam Tam. However, I prefer the pizza at Vice Versa (see below).

• Vice Versa

  • Downtown.

  • Casual pizza restaurant downtown with amazing cocktails. I love this spot. It’s partially owned by the same people who did Sunny’s. Only downside is it’s in a hotel lobby and across from the arena, so sometimes it can be pretty crowded and loud. I love having a Dopio Martini and a pizza there plus they have the same Caesar salad as Sunny’s. I often think about the pistachio gelato with honey.

• Gramps Getaway

  • Key Biscayne.

  • I love this spot. I take a lot of friends here when they are visiting especially from out of state because to me it feels like quintessential Florida! They have indoor seating, but it’s mostly an outdoor spot on the water with great views of Brickell. They have great cocktails. My favorite things on the menu are the crinkle cut fries, the burger, the hot dog and the lobster roll.

    

• Palma

  • Little Havana.

  • Palma is a cool spot that does not feel Miami to me at all. It’s has good ambiance. No cocktails, just wine. They have a tasting menu, but I believe you can also order a la carte now. If you sit at the chef’s counter, it’s really fun to watch them prepare the food. They change the menu a lot for seasonal ingredients.

• To Be Determined

  • Coral Gables.

  • It’s a little off the beaten path as far as surrounding things, but it also does not feel Miami to me at all. It’s a small restaurant with a menu that constantly changes, though I think they keep things like the flan on it (can’t skip). No cocktails here, just wine.

• El Bagel

  • MiMo/Coconut Grove.

  • My favorite bagel place in Miami. I only go to the one in MiMo, but I think they have the same menu in the Grove. It can get pretty busy on the weekends, so order online to pick up your order ahead of time. They don’t have any indoor seating, but you can eat it either in front or in the back of the restaurant at a few picnic tables.

    

• Caracas Bakery

  • MiMo

  • Almost directly across from El Bagel. This is a great breakfast spot. It can get a little crowded on the weekends as well, but they give you a number and then you kind of hunt for a table. It’s not a big place. They have various locations now besides MiMo, but that’s the only one I’ve ever been to.

• Flanigan’s

  • Various locations.

  • This is a chain restaurant in South Florida that the locals (including me) love. It’s very dive-y, but it’s CHEAP and the food is solid. Think American / bar food. I’m talking rolls soaked in butter, chicken tenders, massive nachos, ribs, chicken wings and a massive brownie and vanilla ice cream sundae.

• Chug’s

  • Coconut Grove.

  • I think this restaurant does dinner service on the weekends, but I’ve only ever gone for brunch. The pancake is delicious but also humungous.

Bars/Music Venues

• Little River/Upper East Side/Buena Vista Bars:

  • Kaiju

    • My favorite bar in Miami. It’s a monster themed bar in a food hall that is a bit off the beaten path, but a good option if you’re looking for a chill vibe and a good cocktail after a dinner at Sunny’s (yes, this is often my go to plan). Beware- their menu is really hard to read but they will talk you through and explain all the drinks you have questions on. They often have Pokemon playing on a projector. It’s not a spot you go dancing, but a place you can sit, have a good drink and actually hear the person you’re talking to (something I value because I’m old).

  • Zey Zey

    • Outdoor venue that kind of feels like you’re going to your rich friend’s house while their parents are out of town but they’re throwing a party with a DJ or a live band. It’s a really cool spot for shows.

  • Churchills

    • A dive bar with zero vibes. This is a spot you go to if you want a whiskey ginger or a tequila soda but it’s very local and what I’d consider a landmark in the Miami bar scene. Indoor/outdoor seating + a pool table.

  • Conventillo

    • Outdoor cocktail bar with very chill vibes that gives extreme local. It’s in the back of a restaurant and has really good cocktails. I’ve been there for live singers and also DJs.

  • Magie

    • Wine bar with indoor and outdoor seating. There’s one in Coconut Grove too. It’s like a slightly fancier and less crowded/more adult Lagniappe.

• Downtown Bars:

  • Mama Tried

    • Can dance but my god it gets crowded in there. Very young crowd.

  • Over Under

    • Young crowd. Good cocktails and a cool locals vibe.

  • Lost Boy

    • Slightly older and more straight male vibe, but decent cocktails and snacks. Have TVs for sports occasions.

  • Miami Sound Bar

    • Another vinyl bar. It’s tiny compared to Dante’s but they have good drinks as well. I’d make a reservation if you’re going on a weekend night because it can fill up pretty quickly if it’s busy and if you have a reservation you are guaranteed a seat.

  • Right Hand

    • New video game themed bar downtown. Good drinks, and it’s new enough that the staff are really nice and eager to make sure you have a good experience.

• Miami Beach

  • Brother’s Keeper

    • Dive bar on the beach but not one you can smoke in. They have touchtunes!! This is an underrated perk. Great cocktails.

  • Mac’s Club Deuce

    • Extreme dive bar but iconic in the bar scene of Miami. You can smoke inside, and the patrons definitely take them up on that. So don’t wear anything you don’t want to smell like an ashtray. Also, cash only.

• Edgewater

  • Lagniappe

    • Wine bar for the youth. It’s a bit like a war zone trying to find a seat on a busy night, but it’s fun to go with a group and have wine and cheese. Though beware you’re definitely going to be around college kids.

Places that are on my list:

• I keep a running list of places that I want to go to and these are on it. Can’t vouch for them but at least you can look them up if you need more things to check out!

  • Bey Bey

    • Miami Beach. They closed for a bit and reopened. It was a vibe before it closed, but have not been since reopening.

  • Panamericano

    • Brickell. Bar/speakeasy.

  • Presidente

    • Wynwood. Bar.

  • Ray’s

    • Miami Beach. Bar with outdoor seating.

  • Mae’s Room.

    • Coconut Grove. Bar.

  • The Joyce.

    • Miami Beach. Restaurant. Expensive steakhouse.

  Thanks for reading You had me at dial up! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support my work.

I wish I could remember when it started and determine what exact traumatic moment of my childhood or series of events shaped my brain, but for as long as I can remember, I have been a socially anxious person. When I tell people this, they always seem shocked. I go out more than a lot of my friends. I can be very talkative. I consider myself an introverted extrovert who feeds off social interactions, and yet until the last couple years, I was terrified to walk in to a room alone.

My anxiety is not one size fits all. It manifests in different ways at different times and with varying degrees of panic. Up until my early 30s, I would profusely sweat if I had to pick up the phone and call a stranger. More often than not, if a guy asked me out, I would postpone and inevitably cancel the date out of sheer nervousness. In my early 20s, it was so bad that sometimes I couldn’t even go pick up a slice of pizza in my college town. I would drive past the restaurant five times, sometimes managing the nerve to go in and order, and other times just giving up and driving home hungry. I did the same thing with workout classes. I’d book a yoga class and cancel because I was too nervous to leave my house and go someplace new. And if I was meeting a friend and I got to the location first, you would never catch me going in alone and waiting.

In a lot of ways, this anxiety was crippling. If a friend canceled on a concert or an outing, I’d stay home. I wouldn’t go to things even if I really wanted to if no one would be my wing person. I had a hard time dating because I was too nervous to be judged and possibly rejected. I’d replay social situations over and over again asking myself if I did something wrong. Did I use the wrong word? Did I give a weird answer to a simple question? Individually, all those things were frustrating, but the behavior this anxiety ultimately enabled was worse than all those combined. My social anxiety played a big part in me overstaying my time in relationships, both romantic and platonic, and accepting less than I deserved because I was afraid of being alone.

As I got a little older, a couple things helped me start to work past this. The first was my dog. Adopting my dog forced me out of my house and in to environments I wouldn’t have gone to without him. The second thing that helped was my raging fear of missing out. At some point in my late 20s, my FOMO and my anxiety began a civil war. I was becoming so frustrated by feeling like I was missing out on experiences because no one wanted to go with me that little by little my FOMO was gaining ground. It didn’t win every battle in my mind, but it was starting to win occasionally, and each little victory felt like I’d conquered a massive mental obstacle. The first thing to cede to my FOMO was concerts, so I started going to shows alone.

For people looking to get into solo activities, concerts are an amazing entry level experience. Sure, people ask me sometimes if I came by myself, but I discovered that most of the time no one cares. They came to see a band or an artist perform not to worry about whether the person to their right or left is there alone. And ultimately, the craziest thing started to happen. I started to have more fun alone at concerts than I did when I would beg people to come with me. Suddenly, I didn’t have to drag anyone to shows who didn’t want to be there anymore. I was in the crowd in all my radiating enthusiasm, and no one was in my ear saying the venue sucked or they hated the band.

Concerts were essentially my solo gateway drug because next came movies. At first, the idea of going to movies alone terrified me even more than a concert. I was constantly afraid that someone would see me and think I was a loser and had no friends. I had never gone to a movie alone except once when I went to the wrong theater to see “Forgetting Sarah Marshall” after a breakup and had to sit through the movie by myself in tears. But ultimately again, the FOMO won out. I love going to the movies. Why was that experience reserved in my mind for couples or groups of friends? Much like concerts, no one goes to the movies to analyze the person next to them’s social life. And so I began to conquer movies and make up for all the times I skipped out on going to the theater because I was too scared of what other people might think of me.

Subscribe now

To me, learning to love your own company feels a little like a video game. Once I mastered concerts and movies, I had to move to the intermediate and advanced levels of restaurants. When I moved to Miami, I never went to restaurants alone. At this point I was almost 30, and I had gone to a restaurant or two alone on a vacation, but the idea of going out to eat solo in the town I lived in seemed out of the question. I was terrified once again of the idea that someone would see me out by myself and think I was weird. Concerts and movies were one thing. Everyone was occupied in those settings, but to go alone to a restaurant, or god forbid a bar, felt deeply vulnerable to me. My boyfriend at the time was living in another city, and I only had a couple friends in Miami who would occasionally get dinner with me when I first moved here, so most of my nights were spent alone ordering UberEats.

It was already kind of a lonely life and then the pandemic hit. Suddenly, I was trapped in my apartment with no friends to socialize with in person, an unstable relationship a whole state away and just my dog, who although he was the best company I could ask for, unfortunately wasn’t talking back to me. And that’s when the best thing at the time fell in to my lap. I befriended a girl who loved going out to eat as much as I did and was willing to brave Covid to go hang out with me in outside spaces. It felt like a gift from the universe because I finally had a friend to do things with and suddenly I could table my anxiety and my FOMO simultaneously.

For almost three years, we did everything together. All the activities I had started to do alone I now did with her. It was amazing because for the first time as an adult I felt like I had a best friend in my city who wanted to do all the same things I did and vice versa. We almost immediately became those girls who everyone knew were kind of a package deal. As time went on, I ended my relationship with my long distance boyfriend and started a situationship with someone new. There were some rifts starting to form in my friendship at that point, and when the situationship imploded, it took with it the friendship that I had been relying on for three years and the safety I’d felt of not being by myself anymore.

Suddenly, my worst nightmare became true. A lot of my fear of doing things alone came from the fear of being judged. I was always afraid that people were staring at me, analyzing every move I made and trying to pinpoint my flaws. I had managed before to overcome this by convincing myself no one actually cared or focused on me, and then the end of those two relationships changed everything because now for the first time everyone was actually looking at me.

All their friends and co-workers were either staring at me or avoiding eye contact to the point of discomfort when I entered a room. People were actively rude to me, made fun of me and also made up stories about me. It felt like everyone was sitting with baited breath waiting for me to fuck up or say the wrong thing so they could report back to each other and confirm that I was in fact the bitch monster they were sure was beneath my nice facade.

It was everything I’d ever feared, but before it was just a scenario that existed in my head, and now it was real and happening to me on a semi-weekly basis. Not only was it painful and stressful, but it lasted for over a year. At first, I was a ball of anxiety and cyclical thoughts just trying to make it through my work day and take care of my dog. But I am grateful once again for my FOMO and also my unrelenting stubbornness, because after about a month, I felt passionately that I couldn’t let people alter everything I liked to do because they woke up one day and decided they hated me.

I felt like so much of my life had been crafted based on the desires of other people. So little by little, I started to reclaim the things I loved. I started showing up to restaurants alone. I figured if I could survive this fairly brutal experience, I could conquer anything. And so, I learned to love dining alone because it felt like I was reclaiming and maybe for the first time really stepping in to my own confidence. Don’t get me wrong. There were times when I had full on anxiety attacks during this process and sometimes I still do. But ultimately what I realized was that whether I sat at home and did nothing or went out to eat and enjoyed it, some people weren’t going to like me no matter what, and I really had no control over how people chose to view me. I figured eventually people would stop caring, so I might as well enjoy what I wanted to in the process.

During 2023 and 2024, I learned to go to restaurants and bars alone and also to talk to people once I was there. There are so many funny and entertaining stories that I have because I left my house and lived my life. One time a hostess inadvertently set me up on a date when she let a guy share my table with me. On Valentine’s Day, a couple bought me drinks all night because they thought it was so brave that I took myself to dinner and assured me they were not swingers. I went to a bar alone in Kentucky and ended up making out with a guy in the snow outside. I once was the only person in a new restaurant, and the chef literally cooked a tasting menu just for me. With each silly and unexpected outing, I felt my confidence improve and my concern for what people thought dissipate. The only negative consequence was that I was drinking more than I wanted to be.

I’ve never been a huge drinker, but when my dog got sick at the end of 2024, I felt like I had to majorly cut back. Going out to eat felt like a small reprieve from the stress at home, but I couldn’t risk having a bunch of cocktails and coming home to a dog that needed my help. Also, I hated feeling like I had to rely on drinking to feel comfortable in social settings. It was one thing to go out with friends and drink with them, but it felt very different to go out by myself and drink alone. Also, whatever anxiety the drinks eased in the moment came back 100 times worse the next day. I would wake up in the morning and go over every interaction and every word I’d said wondering if I had come across wrong. It felt like going back to level one. I’d mastered doing so many things alone, but had I subbed in alcohol instead of a person to give me the boost of confidence I needed? Could I do these activities without relying on alcohol as a crutch? It turns out I could and more often than not, I liked it better.

I still drink but now I don’t feel like I need to when I’m in a room full of people. I can just shockingly be myself because through this whole process I solidified that I actually do like myself the majority of the time. I am fun and interesting and I think it’s impressive that I can talk to just about anyone. I am an only child who grew up spending most of my time by myself. So, in a way, I guess I’ve always found solace in my own company. I was just afraid what other people would think about that and how they would interpret me showing up in places alone. But one of the craziest parts about all this is that people for the most part don’t think you are weird for going places alone. In fact, they kind of think you’re cool and confident. Fast forward three years into this solo journey, I have gone on vacations, spent holidays and dined at almost every restaurant I’ve wanted to alone. I’ve sat at bars on Friday nights, gone to countless movies, tons of concerts and even music festivals all by myself. And most importantly, I’ve had a lot of fun doing it.

As a single and child-free 36-year-old, it’s harder now to find people who have the free time I do. But I enjoy the times I spend with my friends. I love when they want to do activities with me or invite me to do activities with them, but I no longer feel like I’m trapped in my own home if no one can hang out with me. Even after years of solo adventures, I still sometimes get uncomfortable walking in to a new place alone because that pang of judgment and fear will come back in to my mind like a lightning bolt. Sometimes even now my body doesn’t know the difference between fight or flight and walking into a pilates class. But I often think about myself as a little kid or that girl in her 20s who couldn’t go down the line at Chipotle without having an anxiety attack and realize she would be so fucking proud of how much I’ve grown and all the experiences I’ve had because I wasn’t afraid to do them alone. And I think that’s really special.

In that video game of loving your own company, I feel like I have reached the final level. I have mastered concerts, movies, restaurants, bars and vacations all alone and a lot of the time sober. Now, although it sounds contradictory, the final level is to start to let people in again, but this time without losing myself and the independence I’ve worked so hard to appreciate. I want to remember all the happy experiences that I’ve had by myself and continue to carve out me time in my future relationships. And I also want to remember that the fear of being alone should never keep me in any relationship that doesn’t meet my standards or keep me out of a room that I want to be in. I’d be lying if I said this was an easy road for me, but it’s been one of the most rewarding journeys to have adventures as and really love being a party of one.

Whenever I get really anxious, astrologers start popping up on my various social media feeds. Each “claim it” or angel number post turns into a warning sign I am descending down a slippery slope. So, between this year being the year of the snake in the Chinese zodiac where you’re supposed to shed past versions of yourself and the Pattern app that had me in a “Reflection and Evolution” period for eight months of the year, I should have known 2025 was going to be another rough year.

For years, I’d put off the process of freezing my eggs. At 33, I was recovering from the end of a 12-year relationship and family struggles. At 34, I was recovering from the end of a situationship, the death of my grandma, a friend breakup and trying to process and manage my dog, Walter’s, diagnosis with heart disease. By the time I hit 35, I felt like I had just survived a two-year psychosis, and when a moment of stillness came, I decided the time had come to start focusing on my future rather than just surviving my present.

Even though they say in “When Harry Met Sally” that the clock doesn’t really start to tick until you’re 36, when I turned 35 and had this short lived moment of stillness, I started to hear the ticking in the back of my head so loudly that I felt like I was living in a pocket watch. Unfortunately for my mental state and my bank account, I am not a woman who feels jazzed about the idea of aging naturally. So by 35, I was suddenly noticing every new grey hair in my head. I was analyzing every wrinkle. And even though I can sort of hide the aesthetic part of aging to calm my problematic nerves, there’s not much I can do about the fact that my window for having children is getting smaller.

I had pushed the egg freezing off for a few reasons. First, as I mentioned above, my life was a disaster for the first part of my 30s. Second, part of me really hoped I would meet someone, and we would start a family organically. And third, if I’m being really honest, I was scared. I was terrified to go to the fertility doctor and be told I was infertile. When I told this to a friend, she asked if there were any signs that something might not be functioning “normally” in my body. The answer to this question was no, but if you’ve ever dealt with anxiety, you know that doesn’t matter. Because even though there can be no obvious signs of something, that doesn’t stop me from lying awake at night on a random Tuesday and pondering 15 worst possible scenarios before bed.

However, after five years of therapy, I was trying to be better about managing made up scenarios. So I booked an appointment in January, went to the fertility clinic and listened to the doctor confirm what I’d always been scared of- my hormone levels were low, and I seemingly wasn’t going to have that many follicles per cycle. When I heard this news, I felt deflated. I felt like I had conquered 20 obstacles just to have the privilege of landing myself in an exam room and learning that I could possibly do this process four or five times and still never get the number of eggs I needed. At the time, I didn’t know many women who had done this process, so most of my knowledge was based on things I’d read online. To me, the Internet made the experience sound so simple. You take the hormones, you retrieve the eggs and then you go along your merry way until you decide you want a baby. Nowhere in the WebMD articles I’d read had any author said the experience, for lack of a better word, sucked.

My AMH levels and follicle count weren’t the only disappointment I felt in that fertility clinic though. Ever since I was a teenager, I had this sense that my life wouldn’t be like everyone else’s. I knew I would do things later in life and differently than a lot of my friends for reasons I’m not really sure of, but I felt like life always seemed like an uphill battle for me. I won’t discount the many privileges I’ve been granted, but I often felt like my life was torn between either desperately wanting something that wasn’t good for me or being told to want something that wasn’t right for me. Everyone else I knew just seemed to have an innate ability to make healthy choices and work toward meaningful goals with assuredness and confidence (or at least were much better at pretending than I was). Even though I had this sense my life would be different, a part of me hoped I would prove myself wrong. I hoped that I would have the white picket fence, the marriage and the family that a lot of people grow up wanting, but being 35, single and alone at a fertility clinic brought up all the feelings of inadequacy that often sit just below the surface.

Despite the less than stellar news, I decided to proceed with the retrieval process. I started taking the ovulation tests, had my start date ready and then life threw me more curve balls. I found a lump in my breast and Walter’s health, which had been teetering on the edge since September of the previous year, took a massive turn for the worst. He began pacing around every hour on the hour through the night. For most of January through April I was sleepwalking. I was working but not thinking, operating but not processing. I was feeding him chicken of all temperatures on various surfaces of my home trying to get him to eat. My apartment was so chaotic that I didn’t want guests over to see how we were living, and to the few who did come over, I had to explain to please not touch the “chicken blanket” where Walter would occasionally eat the chicken breasts I was cranking out like a line cook during a busy dinner service. I was often driving three hours in the middle of the night, at the crack of dawn or at 2 p.m. on a random Thursday to take him to the vet in my hometown wondering if this would be the last time he would leave Miami. I was crying at the local vet’s office at least once a week, crying on the phone to my hometown vet at least once a week, praying to anyone who I thought might listen and spending an obscene amount of money in the hopes that if I couldn’t beg then at least I could barter for a few more months with the being I loved more than anything. On top of that, I was going through multiple mammograms and ultrasounds trying to determine whether my lumps (yep, they ended up finding two!) were benign, which I finally wound up getting confirmation on five months after I originally felt it.

Needless to say, during all this I postponed the fertility journey again. One, the doctors wouldn’t let me continue until they determined my lumps were benign, and two, my biggest fear was that I would be in the middle of the injections, deep in an exhaustion at a level I’d never experienced and then Walter would pass. Eventually that sad day came, and after Walter crossed over the rainbow bridge, I decided to wait a few more months to restart the process. It sounds silly, but I didn’t want to freeze eggs from a body that contained so much grief.

By August, I finally got the nerve to start again. I took the supplements (CoQ10, NAD+, prenatal vitamins, Acai pills and Chinese herbal pills), I went to acupuncture weekly and I started “priming” my cycle with estrogen pills. When I got cleared to start, I began injecting myself and thought surely I would be fine and I could power through this, but the hormones did a lot of things to my body I wasn’t expecting. Not only did they make me lose my appetite and give me insomnia, they also made me clinically depressed.

I think it was likely a perfect storm of issues. I was still grieving the loss of my dog. I was working two full time jobs. I was spending two hours on the road multiple times a week to go back and forth to the fertility clinic and leaving stressed and defeated every time. And on top of all that, I was pumping my body full of hormones to a level I’d never experienced. I have always been someone who battles depression. It hovers in my mind like someone outside a house waiting for the chance when you accidentally leave the door ajar to creep in. And I think the hormones did just that. They left the door just slightly open and a flood of cyclical thoughts and negative self talk came streaming in that resulted in me spending August through October convincing myself that everyone I knew actually hated me.

To add to the disaster recipe, when I finally had the actual retrieval, the doctor woke me up from anesthesia and told me that it had essentially failed. They’d gone in to retrieve two to four mature eggs only to find out all but one had disappeared. Twenty-four hours later the lab technician called me to tell me that the single remaining immature egg didn’t make it either. Before I knew it, I was standing in the rain (no joke) on the side of the street taking a call from the doctor and discussing whether this failure meant I would have difficulty conceiving naturally and whether successfully freezing my eggs was even going to be an option for me. To say the whole experience was traumatic is an understatement. I felt like I was living in a horror movie for 30-something year old women. My friends and parents were kind and understanding to the best of their ability, but the process felt extremely lonely for me. I think partially from the depression I was dealing with and also because I felt like voicing my negative experience to people seemed to result in more discomfort than empathy.

I am in a unique position to have a platform online where I was able to share some of my journey and receive messages that truly uplifted me when I really needed it. But in my day to day life, a lot of people changed the subject when I brought it up. Something about the idea of a woman freezing her eggs seemed to make people feel deeply uncomfortable. It suddenly felt like the easiest way to kill a conversation. I had men say what I was doing was weird. I had family make fun of the process at the dinner table. I had people say they didn’t think I really wanted kids so what did it matter if I couldn’t anyway. And some people tried with kindness to call me brave, which somehow made me feel even sadder because deep down I didn’t really want to be brave. I wanted to be someone who didn’t have to do this process or experience these difficult feelings I was going through, but I also felt very deeply that if I didn’t see this through, I would regret the possible missed opportunity to be a mom.

After a few months of recovering from the hormones, accepting the loss of the money I had spent in the name of a test run and digging my way out of the sadness pit that consumed me after the first retrieval, I decided to try again. The doctor said I would never know if the first time failed because of a medication and timing error if I didn’t give it another chance. When I went back in to the office the second time I was even more nervous than before, but I was cautiously optimistic when I found out I had twice the follicles as I did the first time. They changed my medication a little during my second retrieval, and instead of two shots, I had to give myself four shots a day for two weeks. But this time the hormones didn’t make me feel like jumping off a bridge. I was emotional, but not depressed. I watched Tik Toks and cried at baby elephants tripping and I felt fatigue so intense that if you’d offered me $1,000 to get up, I probably would have declined. I took time off work, let myself rest and essentially cocooned myself in bed with the TV for two weeks.

I don’t know what changed physically the second time. They say sometimes after the first round, your body sort of wakes up from the hormones and kicks in to gear. I don’t know if it was a combination of the medication change and also giving my body more time to process the toll my grief took on me mentally and physically, but from my second retrieval, I was able to freeze 10 eggs.

As I said before, I shared some of this journey on Instagram, but I ultimately wanted to write this as a bit of a cathartic release to myself, a close to 2025 and also just to show one perspective of how difficult fertility experiences can be. So, for anyone who goes through the process just know I see you. If someone tells you that it’s easy, maybe it was for them, but for me and I think for the majority of other women, it’s not. There are so many reasons why women may go through a fertility journey, and my story is just one example, but I think the best word to describe women who go through this process is strong. For me, it took a lot of strength to face the unknown, to find joy in all the ways my life is different from the life I once imagined for myself and to actively take steps to try to shape the life I ultimately want.

I feel incredibly grateful that my second retrieval was successful, but I don’t know what the rest of this journey will hold for me. My goal is to do two more rounds, and my doctor and I are hopeful the second retrieval was indicative of how the future cycles will go. In some ways this process has been a reminder of all the things in life that didn’t work and paths I didn’t take, but I don’t see that in a negative way anymore. I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason, and now with some perspective, I feel very strongly that every door that closed or road that came to an end was to redirect me to where my ultimate purpose lies. I don’t know for sure if I will ever be a mom (though I will certainly be a mom to many more dogs with Walter’s blessing), but what I do know is that the last few years have taught me so much self love and given me confidence in my abilities and assurance in my own strength. Though I couldn’t always see it in the thick of things, I learned a lot of lessons that may some day help me be a good parent, but in the mean time, have helped me be good to myself. So to anyone on a fertility journey, I am proud of your strength. And I am proud of myself for surviving these challenges that ultimately helped me become a better person.