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Yeah, so we’re talking about aura farming.

(00:00:02):

Yeah, we’re talking about aura farming.

(00:00:04):

And a lot of people are engaged in aura farming.

(00:00:06):

And it’s kind of been around a while, but, you know, people don’t realize that they’re doing it.

(00:00:13):

So tell us.

(00:00:14):

So when you talk about farming,

(00:00:15):

are you talking about planting things in the ground,

(00:00:18):

growing tomatoes,

(00:00:20):

that type of stuff?

(00:00:21):

Farming, but not planting a vegetable.

(00:00:23):

Is aura a vegetable that you’re talking about?

(00:00:24):

No.

(00:00:25):

No, it is not.

(00:00:26):

No.

(00:00:27):

What is an aura?

(00:00:27):

No.

(00:00:28):

An aura is kind of a vibe or a way that you are expressing yourself.

(00:00:34):

And most of us want to have a positive aura, right?

(00:00:37):

One that people think positively about us.

(00:00:39):

And so we try to do things that allow people to,

(00:00:44):

where we can express ourselves and people will feel good about us in certain ways.

(00:00:50):

And sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t.

(00:00:53):

So you can get points for that.

(00:00:55):

So farming is you’re trying to increase your aura.

(00:00:59):

Yeah, you’re trying to cultivate a bigger, better aura, a more positive aura.

(00:01:04):

There’s something behind this that we’ve talked about in two other episodes and

(00:01:09):

that is authenticity.

(00:01:10):

Okay.

(00:01:11):

So you’re really trying to cultivate that in a way that makes it feel really

(00:01:15):

natural that you’re expressing your true self without having to put effort into it.

(00:01:20):

There’s an effortlessness to it.

(00:01:22):

You’re trying to create this cool like

(00:01:24):

Yeah, I got it easy.

(00:01:26):

Yeah, I do cool things.

(00:01:28):

I get all my stuff from Goodwill.

(00:01:31):

I have social impact or I can toss something into the garbage can without even looking.

(00:01:37):

I can do all these things in my life that seem effortless and that gives me a better aura.

(00:01:46):

So I saw that an example or like the king of aura was Michael Jackson.

(00:01:55):

Yeah Some of us said that I mean of course There’s no official king But Right But

(00:01:59):

He wasn’t just the king of pop He would many times At the beginning of his

(00:02:04):

Performances Would just kind of Just stand there Or just arrives from There was

(00:02:09):

like a Super Bowl Halftime performance When he He rose up In the middle of the

(00:02:14):

stage And then just kind of Stood there for a while Yeah And then that was Cool

(00:02:22):

That doesn’t work for Most people Mm-hmm

(00:02:24):

But he had that aura.

(00:02:25):

He was able to do that.

(00:02:27):

That was something that looked effortless for him.

(00:02:29):

Yeah.

(00:02:30):

Yeah.

(00:02:30):

Like if you were to like stand up at a restaurant and just go like this and not say anything.

(00:02:36):

Yeah.

(00:02:37):

That probably would not be so.

(00:02:38):

Now you’d be a weirdo.

(00:02:39):

Yeah.

(00:02:40):

So but also you have to be able to carry that off and some can and some can’t.

(00:02:45):

But that was a part of them.

(00:02:46):

Right.

(00:02:47):

And it might be expected or interesting from him.

(00:02:50):

But if I were to get up on a stage and give a talk

(00:02:53):

And Just Stand There For Two Minutes It Would Have The Same Reaction It Would Be

(00:02:57):

Kind Of Cringe That Would Be A Negative So The Opposite Of Creating An Aura Is

(00:03:03):

Cringe It Could Be One Of Them Yeah Unless You Want To Try Exactly Or Try Hard You

(00:03:09):

Know We’ve All Seen The Try Hard Somebody That’s Really Trying Really Hard To Do

(00:03:14):

Something That Would Seem Really Cool And It’s Just Not Working Yeah

(00:03:18):

Like maybe just in there and try to throw something into the garbage can and you

(00:03:23):

just completely miss.

(00:03:24):

Yeah.

(00:03:24):

Hey, look at me, look at me.

(00:03:26):

Or giving the same party trick over and over again when you go someplace.

(00:03:31):

Reusing things all the time, just trying to look cool with it.

(00:03:34):

Or sitting on your phone and you’re really looking at the weather and in fact,

(00:03:39):

you know,

(00:03:39):

you’re not doing anything mysterious,

(00:03:41):

but you’re trying to look mysterious or important in something that you’re doing.

(00:03:45):

Looking at the weather is a problem.

(00:03:46):

Yeah.

(00:03:47):

if you’re trying to look mysterious.

(00:03:49):

Okay.

(00:03:50):

But if I’m just trying to look at the weather.

(00:03:52):

Then you’re, there’s nothing to do with aura farming.

(00:03:54):

Okay.

(00:03:55):

All right.

(00:03:57):

So, but you can, so you can overdo it, right?

(00:04:01):

Yes.

(00:04:02):

Yes.

(00:04:02):

Okay.

(00:04:03):

So, tell me how you would successfully aura farm.

(00:04:08):

Being authentic Doing something that you’re able to do That’s pretty effortless Say

(00:04:13):

you are really pretty effortless In doing something that has to do with social

(00:04:18):

justice Or something that you’re really interested in It’s different than bragging

(00:04:25):

about something I’m just going to go do this because I enjoy doing it I like to

(00:04:29):

shop at Goodwill I’m going to go do that I like to donate my time I like to

(00:04:33):

volunteer I like to do all of these things

(00:04:36):

You’re going to do it without bragging.

(00:04:38):

It’s if you’re saying every time you go someplace, hey, I did this.

(00:04:42):

Hey, look at me.

(00:04:43):

Notice me.

(00:04:44):

Did you see that I did that?

(00:04:46):

That’s different.

(00:04:47):

So for the most part,

(00:04:49):

you can be doing things that are very effortless,

(00:04:52):

that are part of your authentic self that you really enjoy.

(00:04:55):

And that’s a part of the positive aspects of aura farming.

(00:04:59):

So I think aura farming also hit a surge when there was this video of

(00:05:06):

um these boats in Indonesia right yeah there’s a there’s a kid in front of the boat

(00:05:12):

just sitting standing at the front of the boat and the boat’s like moving and you

(00:05:19):

know normally you’d be like holding off for dear life yeah but the kid’s just sort

(00:05:23):

of standing there and gesturing

(00:05:25):

Yeah,

(00:05:25):

he was dancing to the music and effortlessly doing it without even looking like he

(00:05:31):

was going to lose his balance or anything.

(00:05:33):

It was unbelievable.

(00:05:34):

So that became a symbol of aura farming because that’s actually what he’s supposed to be doing.

(00:05:43):

And that’s what he’s obviously good at doing.

(00:05:47):

And he didn’t do it because it’s something unnatural.

(00:05:52):

He didn’t do it because...

(00:05:54):

He wanted to get clout.

(00:05:58):

He just did it because that’s what he does.

(00:06:01):

And that’s actually part of the whole culture of those boat races.

(00:06:07):

So it became effortless.

(00:06:10):

Well, it looks effortless.

(00:06:11):

I’m sure it takes a lot of effort.

(00:06:13):

But it looked natural.

(00:06:17):

Well,

(00:06:17):

he’d done it so much that it became,

(00:06:20):

you know,

(00:06:20):

effortless for him in a way or enough that it looked effortless.

(00:06:24):

It’s kind of like when you watch gymnastics and you’re watching the Olympics and

(00:06:28):

you say,

(00:06:29):

wow,

(00:06:29):

that looks beautiful.

(00:06:30):

It almost looks easy.

(00:06:32):

It looks effortless.

(00:06:33):

Yeah.

(00:06:33):

They’re able to carry that off Yeah And so many other things if you become an

(00:06:38):

expert in something it does look effortless Yeah But if you see somebody else

(00:06:43):

trying to do that or do something like that or bragging about that it’s when that’s

(00:06:48):

when there’s a red flag Okay So you should be looking for something that you

(00:06:52):

naturally would naturally do Yeah And you do it off enough that it becomes

(00:06:58):

effortless Okay

(00:07:00):

Yeah, and it can also be how you feel about things.

(00:07:03):

Like, there are a lot of people who really do like to do things like

(00:07:07):

Get involved civically or do things like that.

(00:07:11):

It’s when you’re posing and saying that you’re into it and you’re not really doing

(00:07:14):

it or you’re not into it that it doesn’t look right.

(00:07:16):

But yeah, we all naturally are good at things.

(00:07:19):

We all naturally enjoy things.

(00:07:22):

But there’s a risk for young people who are in that identity stage who are trying

(00:07:26):

to figure out who they are and they want to get clout from others.

(00:07:30):

They start to

(00:07:31):

I don’t have to think about it because I don’t have to think here’s the sushi and

(00:08:00):

Where does it go?

(00:08:01):

Exactly It actually goes through my mouth Right So it’s very effortless Very true

(00:08:07):

Yeah Yeah And you’re like that with avocado toast Avocado toast A little more

(00:08:12):

effort Because you actually have to take the toast Put the avocado on toast And

(00:08:18):

then you eat it Absolutely So yeah But you’re talking about things like that Where

(00:08:23):

you are naturally good at that You know what?

(00:08:27):

You could be

(00:08:28):

You could be naturally good at eating healthy, right?

(00:08:31):

And that could be something.

(00:08:33):

But if you’re posing for that, that wouldn’t be so good.

(00:08:36):

So there,

(00:08:37):

as with anything,

(00:08:39):

there are people who are trying to do this,

(00:08:44):

but they’re trying too hard.

(00:08:45):

So what are some examples of people trying too hard that becomes cringe?

(00:08:51):

They’re trying too hard to orify.

(00:08:53):

It’s not something that they really,

(00:08:56):

it’s either something that they might be really good at it,

(00:08:58):

but you’re saying,

(00:08:59):

look at me,

(00:08:59):

look at me.

(00:09:00):

You’re not just doing it because you want to do it.

(00:09:03):

You want people to see you doing it.

(00:09:05):

So most of us do things that we enjoy and we don’t care if people see us doing it or not.

(00:09:09):

You don’t care if somebody sees you eating sushi or you’re alone eating sushi.

(00:09:13):

But if you were saying, look at me eating my sushi.

(00:09:18):

Very giving of you.

(00:09:19):

Yes.

(00:09:20):

If you were saying,

(00:09:22):

I need to take a picture of this sushi that I’m eating,

(00:09:26):

and then I’m going to go ahead and show everybody that I just did that so that they

(00:09:31):

will see that I’m a healthy eater.

(00:09:32):

Yep, here.

(00:09:33):

That would be quite good.

(00:09:34):

Take that, yes.

(00:09:36):

So that’s it.

(00:09:37):

Okay.

(00:09:37):

Give me that back.

(00:09:39):

No.

(00:09:40):

No?

(00:09:41):

I’m trying to create an aura that I’m giving you the pillow.

(00:09:45):

Yes.

(00:09:46):

So this gesture isn’t always working.

(00:09:50):

It can seem empty.

(00:09:51):

So I heard also there’s people who see it.

(00:09:56):

People who will do something over and over again.

(00:10:03):

Like they might tell the same story, do the same card trick.

(00:10:08):

Even within the same party, they’ll just go around and repeat it over and over again.

(00:10:12):

And it’s cool the first time around,

(00:10:14):

but when you realize that they’re doing it over and over again with different

(00:10:19):

people,

(00:10:21):

then you realize they might be trying too hard,

(00:10:24):

right?

(00:10:25):

Yeah,

(00:10:25):

it’s that person that sees that they get a laugh or they get a positive reaction

(00:10:30):

from somebody.

(00:10:31):

So they repeat it over and over again.

(00:10:34):

Like this.

(00:10:35):

The kind gesture.

(00:10:36):

Thank you, Bruce.

(00:10:38):

Yes So that is and we all know that person that has done that we might have done it

(00:10:46):

ourselves you know maybe you’re feeling why thank you thank you we might be feeling

(00:10:55):

insecure when we go someplace so when we see something positive a positive reaction

(00:10:59):

from somebody we’ll do it over and over again say that joke over and over again

(00:11:03):

that sort of thing

(00:11:06):

When we’re looking to build a positive aura for ourselves,

(00:11:11):

we’re often farming for things that will do that.

(00:11:16):

It’s when we get negative points for it when we’re actually doing some of those

(00:11:21):

things over and over again or looking for attention.

(00:11:24):

It’s not because we’re authentically interested in it.

(00:11:27):

It’s because we’re seeking external validation for it.

(00:11:30):

Mm-hmm.

(00:11:31):

And, you know, I’ll be honest with you, we’ve all done that.

(00:11:34):

So,

(00:11:36):

you know,

(00:11:36):

this is not calling out people and saying,

(00:11:38):

hey,

(00:11:39):

if you’ve done this or you do this,

(00:11:41):

there’s something negative about you.

(00:11:43):

We’ve all been there and done that.

(00:11:45):

We meaning you and everyone else.

(00:11:47):

Not you.

(00:11:48):

Not me.

(00:11:48):

Everyone but you.

(00:11:49):

Everyone but you.

(00:11:50):

Exactly.

(00:11:51):

So...

(00:11:53):

But that’s something that if you’re aware of it,

(00:11:56):

it’s easier to stop yourself from saying the same story 17 times at a party.

(00:12:01):

Yeah.

(00:12:04):

One of the examples was of somebody doing a trick,

(00:12:06):

like an actual aprobatic trick over and over again on stage,

(00:12:11):

you know,

(00:12:11):

a performer.

(00:12:12):

And that that was something that started to look kind of cringe.

(00:12:16):

The person was doing backflips.

(00:12:17):

I don’t want to say the person’s name because I actually think the person’s super talented.

(00:12:21):

But that ended up becoming a meme of negativity with regard to that person doing

(00:12:27):

that backflip over and over again.

(00:12:29):

That it seemed like an attention grab, even though the person was effortlessly doing it.

(00:12:34):

I see.

(00:12:34):

Now I’m curious of who this person is.

(00:12:37):

Should I say it?

(00:12:40):

Oh, why not?

(00:12:40):

Benson Boone.

(00:12:42):

So he’s known for doing the backflips in his performances.

(00:12:46):

And so he was doing too many of them.

(00:12:48):

Too many backflips?

(00:12:49):

Yeah.

(00:12:49):

Okay.

(00:12:51):

So even though it was effortless, it seemed to be something that was an attention grab.

(00:12:56):

And so there’s this fine line between how much do you do something before it’s,

(00:13:01):

you know,

(00:13:01):

that you’re seeking external validation versus you’re just doing it because you

(00:13:05):

effortlessly enjoy it.

(00:13:08):

You would do it no matter what.

(00:13:09):

How do you know a backslip is a tension grabber?

(00:13:13):

Well, I guess if you’re on stage and you’re performing, then it might be necessary.

(00:13:18):

Maybe if you’re in Cirque du Soleil or just if you’re in a restaurant.

(00:13:23):

Yeah, right?

(00:13:24):

Yeah.

(00:13:25):

Yeah.

(00:13:25):

Because who doesn’t do that?

(00:13:27):

Yeah.

(00:13:28):

So yeah, so oral farming is a big term these days.

(00:13:32):

It is.

(00:13:32):

And so basically you, it’s, it can be fine, right, to do it.

(00:13:38):

Absolutely.

(00:13:39):

Yeah.

(00:13:40):

You know,

(00:13:40):

I actually think it’s not a bad idea to be really,

(00:13:42):

I think it’s in some ways kind of good because we have seen so many negative things

(00:13:46):

that people are saying,

(00:13:47):

oh,

(00:13:47):

you know,

(00:13:49):

People are engaged in too many negative behaviors.

(00:13:51):

Well,

(00:13:52):

this is people getting excited and interested in doing things that they

(00:13:56):

authentically enjoy and that they enjoy.

(00:13:59):

that are often positive in the world,

(00:14:02):

you know,

(00:14:02):

like social things or doing social good or things that make the world a better

(00:14:08):

place.

(00:14:09):

So I love that we have this around.

(00:14:11):

It’s an opportunity,

(00:14:13):

especially for people who are in the identity phase of life to say,

(00:14:17):

wow,

(00:14:17):

I can focus on things that make me feel good and that are seen as good for the

(00:14:25):

world and others.

(00:14:25):

So I like it.

(00:14:27):

Excellent.

(00:14:28):

Yeah.

(00:14:29):

So, thanks for coming on today to do this once again.

(00:14:35):

This is Bruce Wiley.

(00:14:37):

He writes for Forbes and for Psychology Today,

(00:14:40):

and he also writes on Substack,

(00:14:43):

Minded by Science.

(00:14:44):

I’m Deborah Heiser,

(00:14:45):

and I also write for Substack on The Right Side of 40 and for Psychology Today,

(00:14:51):

The Right Side of 40.

(00:14:52):

So, if you want to check out our writing, check us out there.

(00:14:56):

And you can also find us on YouTube.

(00:15:03):

All right, take care.Thank you to everyone who tuned into my live video! Join me for my next live video in the app.

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