I’m not making this up, this is a very real conversation I had in school with a guidance counselor the other day:

And I’ve been thinking about that ever since the words came out of her mouth, so here I am writing about it now.

Imagine if every introduction about every person you’ve ever met began with their greatest failure or the worst mistake they’ve ever made. Not their dreams, not the people they love, not their kindness, not the countless moments when they chose to do what was right—but one decision that they made they wish they could take back. Every conversation would begin with shame, every relationship with suspicion, and every person with a warning label. Most people would call that unfair, yet it is often the same standard we unknowingly hold others to. There is a strange habit we have as humans: we can spend years watching someone be kind, be generous, be selfless, yet allow one single mistake to outweigh every good thing they have ever done.

Judgement comes fast than compassion. A single crack catches our attention faster than the foundation of the strength beneath it. But there is something so deeply human about making mistakes, and something deeply human about refusing to let go of everyone else’s. We remember the words that hurt us, the choices that disappointed us, and the moments that broke our trust. But every person is infinitely larger than their lowest moment.

The internet remembers everything. One mistake can circle the world in minutes, while years of kindness can easily become forgotten without reaching one headline. We live in an age that rewards outrage and remembers failure, which makes it pretty easy to believe that every person is nothing more than their mistakes. But what if that belief is exactly what is holding the world back from becoming kinder?

A person is not built from one moment alone. We reduce hearts to rumors, lives to headlines, and years of goodness in a single lapse of judgement. If hate teaches us to remember the worst in one another, then love asks for something much more difficult: to see the whole person anyway.

Judgement demands very little of us. It is very easy to write someone off. We don’t have to forgive, to understand, or hope that people will change. Love, however, asks us to hold two harsh truths at once: that people can do terrible things, and still be capable of goodness. The greatest act of cowardice is not making mistakes, but refusing to believe that anyone can become more than theirs. It is easier to label than to listen, and it is easier to hate than to love. But love is difficult because it asks us to understand what judgement never will: to look at a broken person and still recognize their humanity.

We often spend our whole lives trying to earn someone’s love, as though it were a reward for those who have never failed. But if love must only be earned through perfection, then no one will ever deserve it. The world does not become kinder because people stop making mistakes, but when we stop believing that one mistake is all that a person is.

It is easy to love people who have never hurt us. But loving people who have hurt us is where love reveals its true strength. One thing about me is that I have always thought that forgiving people right away meant pretending that nothing happened, or that it meant excusing the pain they’ve caused me. People say to forgive and forget, but forgiveness has never required us to forget. It only asks us to stop allowing a person’s worst moment to dictate the rest of our lives. Hate is instinctive. Anyone can hate after they’ve been hurt. It is the natural response. Love is a choice. Choosing to love when resentment could have been much easier was the hardest, but strongest decision I have ever had to make.

I, myself, have been hurt before, deeply enough that sadness was never the emotion that stayed for me. I don’t get sad, I get angry, which is ironically much sadder. Anyone who knows me personally would know that I don’t forgive easily. That I have thick skin and don’t get emotional often. But I either feel too much or too little. I convince myself that holding onto my anger will protect me from ever being hurt again. But anger is a strange thing. It promises you strength while demanding you to carry its weight. The longer I held onto it, the more it lead me to confront the harsh reality that anger changes me far more than it changes the person that I’m angry at.

The truth is, hatred has never needed a reason to divide us. It has found excuses in the color of someone’s skin, the country they call home, or the privileges they were born into. History has taught us time and time again to fear those whose culture, actions, and identity differ from our own. It has convinced us that our differences are reasons to divide us instead of bringing us together. But love does not erase those differences, nor does it ignore the injustices that exist because of them. It is the willingness to recognize yourself in someone whose story is nothing like your own, and it begins the moment we choose to love more than we love to judge. Because when the power of love defeats the love of judgment, whether that judgement is rooted in our actions or our identities, we will no longer look at the eyes of others and see strangers, rivals, or outcasts—just people.

Perhaps the world will never be free from hatred. There will always be mistakes to judge, differences to be afraid of, and reasons to envy. The world will never become a better place because people become perfect. It becomes a better place when imperfect people choose compassion over condemnation, grace over resentment, and love over hate—again and again.

I don’t have the power to change the world, but maybe, millions of humans can.

sometimes, you have to let go to keep the love.

I was scrolling on TikTok last night (as one does) and came across a certain video. it was a slideshow of a couple who had been married for more than twenty years that filed for a divorce, but ended up showing up to court in matching outfits and wide smiles on their faces. the judge was confused and maybe even irritated, and so he said to them, “come back when you’re serious,” but the truth was that they didn’t hate each other, they just grew and changed as individuals and decided to take different paths, which I learned at that moment is something totally valid. so I was like, “wow, I need to write an article solely because of this video.”

for generations, we have allowed ourselves to believe that because a relationship has ended, so has the love.

but two people may love each other deeply, whether in a platonic or a romantic relationship, but they may have life goals, needs, or personal capacities that are fundamentally incompatible.

as a reader and a writer myself, i’ve never been a fan of the opposites attract trope. for most of my life, i’ve had a difficult time understanding how there are actual people in this world—including those who I surround myself with personally and have watched their relationships unravel through my somewhat negative, confused, unresponsive lens—who cherish every moment they have with people who have remotely different personalities, hobbies, likes, love languages, or upbringing. but life is so much better when you stop keeping score of the grievances, and instead compel yourself to slow down and become observant enough to open the door for life’s surprises and adventures that keep your spark alive.

we are connected by our similarities, even in the simplest things. like how everyone feels joy, fear, love, and sadness. those emotions form a common language that exists beyond background, status, or identity. people with vastly different backgrounds are often united when working toward a common objective; whether that’s raising a family, searching for a companion who understands you deeply, or simply surviving the obstacles that life places in front of you—shared purpose has a way of bringing people together. and I know this because with the time that I was given, I have been able to accept that it is much better to tolerate hardship surrounded by love instead of doing it without any.

a group of people who think exactly alike may agree easily, but people who have different perspectives can challenge one another, fill gaps in each other’s understanding, and create something richer than any person could produce on their own. life does not become easier because we have people beside us, but it becomes more bearable. what matters is not how different we are, but our willingness to recognize ourselves in one another and choose connection despite those differences.

its the same with the way that most people define what it is to maintain peace. peace, by definition, is the state of freedom from disturbance or conflict. you may think that would mean living a world where everyone has the same beliefs, values, opinions, backgrounds, status, or color. but I think that true peace is sustaining mutual respect despite our differences.

as much as we want to tell someone to hold your hand for a lifetime, sometimes, you’ll realize that maybe you cannot provide what it is that the other truly needs (as I’ve talked about in a deeper explanation on my previous article), or that your paths in life are ultimately pulling you toward different directions that may not align. releasing someone before the bitterness or resentment sets in means you value their dignity even at your own pace, and while you may not be able to solve the entire problem or change who you are for the satisfaction of others, the best thing a person can do is give what it is that you do have; respect and love.

“love’s never wasted when its shared.”

a relationship that had ended does not mean that it was a failure, and it doesn’t mean that the love you feel for one another has ended either. after all, love is often known for never playing by the rules. we all need grace; to shift our focuses from what went wrong that could have been changed to the joy, growth, and lessons that the person had brought into your life. it remains quite a strange but beautiful feeling.

but we must know that letting go is not a weakness. it is courage.

it is much easier to hold onto a painful, toxic relationship, a dead-end job, or an outdated belief simply because it is familiar. stepping into the unknown takes bold faith (again, another thing I’ve previously explained). courage means acknowledging that you have done everything you can and accepting that there is nothing that can possibly be changed. it takes strength to surrender to circumstances you cannot control.

the true masterpiece of love is learning to unclench your fingers. it is realizing that physical distance does not erode devotion. when you stop holding a person’s hand, you are not letting go of them—you are making room for them to hold their triumphs, their struggles, and their independence in your heart.

you may guide my steps for a while, but your love will shape my soul forever.

you should be your first love.

they say that a woman’s first love is her father, which is true in most cases. some little girls are lucky enough to be be able to recognize the first standard of love from their fathers being the first men to show it to them correctly by carrying their memory in their hearts from the early chapters of their life until the final ember begins to fade. but we should all know by now that love and affection blooms in a thousand different gardens. we all have our own different perceptions of love, being loved, and how to show that love to others, which is also okay. but we should also know—or if not, we should begin to learn—that our relationship with ourselves is our own blueprint for our relationship with the people around us, whether romantic or platonic. and that foundation of self-worth is built with the bricks of encouragement that others lay for us.

“we accept the love we think we deserve.”

we learn who we are by watching how others see us. when you lack love for yourself, you’ll start to view your romantic relationships as a way to fill in what is missing, and you’ll rely on that person to make you feel whole, when in reality, you have to become a complete individual on your own. when you do not know, or do not like who you are, you constantly scan the mirror of the eyes of others for reassurance. you might alter your boundaries, abandon your values, tolerate poor treatment, or give away pieces of yourself in a desperate attempt to keep the mirror of others reflecting a positive image of you.

but we cannot give away what we do not have. just as you cannot pour water from an empty pitcher, you cannot expect that you will offer genuine love, forgiveness, patience, or grace to others if your emotional reserves are dry. which is exactly why you choose a partner who enhances your life, not rescues it for you.

falling in love with yourself will be the greatest romance you’ll ever feel. we’re often taught to search for “the one”—the one who will sweep you off your feet, give you butterflies, make you speechless, buy you flowers, take you to watch fireworks, go on dates—but the most important love story is the romance you build with yourself, which can often be a lot more fulfilling—and most definitely a lot more freeing— than building a romance with another person shaped by the anticipation and outlook of others.

the first date is all about getting to know someone knew, so treat yourself with the same experience. take yourself out to your favorite coffee shop, buy a ticket to watch a good movie, order a takeout of your favorite meal, or simply watch the sunset in the comfort of your own company. most people tend to constantly fill their schedules as distractions to escape the horror of their thoughts, but key in falling in love with yourself is to intentionally spend time alone and enjoy your company—and by then you will begin to learn more about yourself; what you like, what you don’t like, and what you need to change.

you don’t need to spend your life waiting for a significant other before you start celebrating your milestones. whether its receiving an award, surviving a tough week, finishing a passion project—acknowledge your accomplishments. buy yourself flowers, take yourself out to a nice dinner, or celebrate by staying home watching your favorite movie or doing nothing at all as a reward for how hard you’ve worked.

share the inside of your mind and see who wants to live in it. when you love yourself deeply and unapologetically, you’re setting the baseline for how others should treat you. you stop chasing people in a desperate attempt to see the ideal version of yourself in their eyes. you’ll no longer settle for half-loves or bare minimums, because you already know what a complete, fulfilled, supportive relationship feels like.

you don’t fall in love with a category, you fall in love with a specific human being, and sometimes it could be yourself. after all, people will come and go, but there will only be one person who will remain for your entire life.

most of us were taught to believe that reaching our goals is the key to achieving everlasting happiness, but i remember looking at my perfectly planned monotonous life and realized that i have never felt more lost.

what does your idea of a perfect life look like?

i’ll go first: a year from now, i’m a first-honor student, a stage manager for my school’s theatrics program, class president, taking AP World History classes, a member of our council’s marketing committee, and surrounded by all the love in the world. but the eyebags on my face are getting darker, my class is hard to discipline, AP is demanding too much, I go home late in the evening, assessments are piling up, and soon enough that perfect persona won’t be as “perfect” as the world sees it from afar.

except, I’m not that person, at least not yet.

we live in a world that heavily relies on certainty. we all sail by the compass by our own imagination, and so no two paths to fulfillment look exactly alike. people want to become doctors, pilots, actors, leaders, astronauts, entrepreneurs; but often forget that this car is strictly manual, and the stirring wheel has not learned where all the roads in your mind lead to without you driving it.

we are afraid of the future because we desperately hold on to the past. and so when we are uncertain of what it holds in store for us, we wait. we wait for friday to come, we wait for the right timing, we wait until we have motivation. but if we wait until we’re ready, then we’ll be waiting forever. the past doesn’t need you now, the future does.

the only way to find yourself is go to lost—to step out of your comfort zone and into the unknown, and by then you will realize that you are capable of facing uncertainty and solving problems.

we all love setting goals and dreaming big because it’s easy, requires no sweat, and provides an instant rush of excitement and motivation. but the honeymoon phase doesn’t last forever. not everyone is excited when its time to actually put in the effort and work twice as hard.

a life that is built on safety is unfulfilling, and in fact, playing it safe is even riskier than taking the risk itself, which i would like to call the comfort prison—while you are constantly surrounded by reassurance, you live in a world that is constantly changing and moving forward, so standing still means being left behind. and when you are finally able to notice that the people you surround yourself with are already ahead of you, the safety that you ultimately chose will haunt you more than failure. so before that happens, get up, clean your room, study for your exams, go to training, apply for that extracurricular, recite in class, go out with your friends, don’t procrastinate. it is a privilege to fail, because most people don’t try at all.

perfection, by definition, is the state of being without flaw, fault, or damage. but a lot of people have insecurities, made mistakes, gotten injured at least once, and made bad impressions; and so we must accept that there is no such thing as perfect in a person, and so if you know that you are not perfect, you can’t expect that your life will be. imperfections in our actions lead to everlasting flaws that shape our whole life. but we must keep in mind that we all have our own perceptions of being perfect. your life in someone else’s eyes could be seen as perfect, when really, only you would know that it really isn’t, because you are the person who has walked through all of the rooms in your mind, and just like a sole curator of history, the only one who holds the full collection of your memories. we cannot achieve perfection, but we can achieve for something close to it; excellence.

all roads lead to the direction true to your heart.