She had successfully rage baited me and I had to get back, hard.

I called a friend of mine, you know that friend that everybody swears you look cute together but you just know her a little too well to even think of that direction? Yeah her.  But you have seen her IG, it’s raining men hallelujah (get it?) yeah she has motion so you know for a fact she’s attractive , just not to you….. yet.

Anyways that was me, two months ago, I came from work and called her

“Yo S where you at?”

“Hiiii I’m home of course where else would I be?”

“I don’t care, put on shoes I will be downstairs in 7 minutes”

“Egoko, don’t rush me”

“I said 7 minutes.”

Look I knew she was going to come because she didn’t want me in her house upstairs. She lives with her three friends and she had a reputation of hating men. Inviting one inside is like Hitler bringing a jew home for dinner.

Also, she and her friends were getting ready to go out so it wasn’t like I woke her up.

10 minutes later I was standing downstairs spamming her phone as she came out, I told her take a walk with me real quick, she was like “noo I don’t look like someone who’s going out, at least lemme change into jeans” haha in my head I was thinking girl I don’t care, all I need is your face in a snap.

I took her to her favorite restaurant like three minutes from her place, and as I said earlier, got her face in a snap all happy and *cute*? I guess? And she had me on a IG story ting which I reposted. Bro I just was targeting one person.

The initial girl called me all sorts of names before blocking me she even called me gay I believe, a success, but that was just the beginning of something totally unexpected.

The following day, I texted the girl that blocked me, told her yo…. Bring me my clothes you took, and I will bring you yours that I took, after that you can block my number too idc, she agreed.

She gave me my NFL jersey back, and I was looking at it something around noon, and got an idea.

I was heading home and decided to break the tie and win the out petty-ing game.

I called lil girl again,

“yo you wanna go see an exhibition?”

“I’m just starting to get comfortable at home..” bla bla bla

“I will be at your house in 45, I also have a shirt you will wear I promise it looks so good on u just put on a simple top”

She was happy.

I was grinning. The evil look in my face was so obvious anyone could tell I’m plotting.

I had seen that I was unblocked from IG and was going to give the last part of my show, but so niche only her and her friends would see it.

Bref I took pictures of her, same afternoon I had taken the jersey from one girl, I had it on another and she looked absolutely beautiful in that shirt I decided she can keep it.

And as you can guess yes I was blocked again, this time no overturns.

And let’s say bye bye to the first girl maybe I will tell you guys her story after but now let’s just focus on girl number 2.

See we just hung out two days in a row. It continued. Three, four, the whole following week, we were at one specific coffeeshop like 10 minutes from her place, because it was on my way home and just close enough for her to go there and wait for me.

Two weeks later she texted me and asked me if I can take her to go out clubbing as she missed it. I hit up my boys and told her she can meet me downtown later in the evening and we can go together, she came wearing the Kigalian girl starter kit, baggy jeans, black top and sambas. I’m not hating every single one of them looks good.

If you know me, I am an absolute unit on the dance floor since birff.

She is levels above me, she has the energy of maradona on the snow in the 80s world cup.

She’s miss five foot five maximum, but has a personality that’s ten feet ten. The whole club was moving at her rhythm and she was calling all the moves. She had come with her friend (also Rwandan) and we were literally running that club.

Believe it or not the DJ played “ Pina Colada” just for us three…. The only people who knew the song in tha club.

I was cockblocking like mad, you know when you take a girl at the club and she gives you the homework of being her man for the night so she can enjoy her night. So niggas approaching would hit a roadblock

“yo chill that’s my girl”

“My bad G”

Bro her friend disappeared for a few minutes and it was me, her, and my homies on the side aura farming. I thought we were all just majestic until….

I turned around….. there she was…. Going absolutely crazy. I turned around for three milliseconds and she was already standing on stools dancing like a traditional Nigerian babalao.

She was enjoying that night.

She looked like she was drunk.

She was comfortable.

And…. She was…. Beautiful? God forbid.

I shook that thought out of my coconut.

Fast forward we left the club like 5 in the morning and I took her home and took a taxi to mine. She called me when I got home asking me if I had arrived and said she didn’t want to sleep before she made sure I got home safe.

Oh wow a gentleman, gentlelady. Funny.

Anyways I took a quick nap and six hours later I woke up to a call, her asking me my plan for the day.

Me: “i am not leaving the crib”

Her: “yes you are, what do you think we make a picnic by the seaside later”

Sea side??? Count me tf in. But here’s a kicker, we left for the beach by 10PM. POST MERIDIEM GENTS.

Huh??? Like what time do we come back exactly? We don’t.

The plan was staying the whole night and coming back home in the morning that Sunday. Sasa turagenda I had bought snacks for the night, and as an excuse to avoid it being a date I called my friend asking him to come with me………. he refused of course ….. so I went.

We had all planned out, the cloth to sit on, the speaker for music, jacket and a hoodie you guys know sea side be breezy year around so we had to get insulation and everything.

We sat there talking and less than an hour later people started disappearing one by one.

By 2am we were the only people in that park.

She likes asking questions, I hate answering them but since we were bored and out of activities I sacrificed my comfort zone.

She started asking minimal questions, “would you rather”, “she’s a ten but”, and before you know it we were talking about love life.

Guys when I first met this girl I told her I was gay so that she doesn’t even get any false alarm. That was last year.

Now here I was sitting there, answering if I have ever found her attractive.

“I mean, you cute and shi” I was suppressing the image of her going crazy the night before on top of the stools.

I just realized I am wasting time on unimportant details because I don’t wanna get to the point but here it is….

The speaker starts playing thinking out loud

I say yo let’s dance to this

She get up and we do that awkward slow dance and bro, she pulled my jacket and said “why tf are you shy”

Nigga I felt like a victim. I knew if I try to explain I’m not shy I would start stuttering. This isn’t even my first rodeo. Not even my tenth ffs.

So

There’s a move I learnt from the ancestors.

You spin a woman and as she spins you wrap her arm around your neck and you in.

This is my signature and she was doing it on me. she messed it up and I said lemme show u how it’s done.

Spun her, arm around my neck, you mans know I’m opportunistic, leaned in for a kiss and she held my head. GET INNNNN.

I WAS ON TOP OF THE FUCKING EVEREST.

Boyyy, my heart was pumping magma.

Guys she’s very pretty. Like extremely pretty. Perfect 10/10, and after that loooongggg make out sesh we sat back down and now thee conversation.

I hate it.

“When did you start liking me”

Ahhh wrap all this up.

We spent the whole morning there, and we took breakfast at some place around there that morning.

Okay, let me admit to something, this story doesn’t start exactly where I started it, I will fly you guys back a year ago but you will have to take it from her as she has already written a substack of her POV from Aug last year when we first met.

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I had a glass of apple juice and Drake was playing in the background. I had just turned on the stove for some spaghetti, nari ndi muri mood yo guteka the greatest Alfredo known to man. Drew A Picasso, second verse was cut short by the call that changed my life forever.

Still, very much happy I answered that call and all I heard was

“We need to talk”.

This has NEVER been an opening to any good conversation. I thought, wait what could I have possibly done? A couple things went through my mind but what was coming, nobody ever sees it coming.

“I’m just leaving the hospital now and I have something we need to discuss about.”

No.

It.

Can’t.

Be.

Not what I was thinking.

Let me take you guys back to the tittle… the V card you will lose is the Voice to even say “wym” the nonchalant question you ask all the time you’re confronted with something serious.

The V card you will lose is the vision, your whole world goes blurry for a while and you start seeing the color blue

Your whole appetite will Vanish

Hell, you will lose all the Vocabulary madame la maîtresse taught you since pre-school.

The V Card you will lose, is the virginity of saying I have never had a pregnancy scare.

Aha, I put the juice down and told her to grab a taxi and find me at my place. She insisted on meeting right downstairs instead as she wanted to go home.

Guys I have never felt more vulnerable. I literally felt like a bitch. What the fuck have I done?

Poor girl, she can’t become a mother.

Will I have to stop university in my senior year?

Pregnancy

Child birth

Diapers

Baby screams

Formula

Doctor appointments

Fuck.

Wait what do I tell my parents? What do I tell her mom?

Yoh yoh yoh. Kill me now.

Lewis Hamilton can’t win the race my brain was driving in.

All of a sudden the sky became grey as to match vibe. And I went downstairs with mismatching slippers and paced back and forth the two meter lawn we had.

Her taxi pulled up and there she was, my baby mama😭 I don’t want to have a baby outside the marriage ever so I was thinking we are signing court papers as wedding maybe and stay married in a secret. Deadass.

“Hi”

“Hi”

“I’m think I’m pregnant”

She went on to sound like a siren or impanda y’imperuka going on about how all signs she’s had say so. I logged into the partner flo app (IYKYK) and all I saw was horror.

Then an awkward silence, if I had focused enough I could have heard the baby’s heartbeat. Hypothetically.

Guys I don’t remember what we talked about I just remember saying the same good guy bs, that I will be there for her and what not, I’ll do my best, because I know not to even try to bring up the “getting rid of it” convo with her she’d have killed me.

I walked her home thinking, “uyu niwe mama w’abana bange koko? Ariko narigusha.” 😭

We got to hers, sent her inside and went back to my house, full of smoke from the burning spaghetti I left boiling.

Have you heard of Nyina wa bizuru?

I sat in that house and stared at a wall for hours. Hoursss. I felt like someone had just cut off my vocal chords from even letting out a scream.

Dawe uri mw’Ijuru, Ndakuramutsa Mariya….. bro I was now ready, more than ever to join the priesthood. I felt like it’s my real calling.

She texted me that she was coming to my house later on to do her own pregnancy test, so I sent her some cash to get a few.

She came later, did the first…. Inconclusive

Second…. Inconclusive

Third…… inc… actually fuck it we going to the OBGYN or whatever they call em tomorrow.

We did.

Do you guys know what was written on that piece of paper?

“Virgin”

I don’t wanna talk about it.

Anyways, the ultrasound had “you good my nigga” written on it. Yohhh

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

I am free, again. Fuck them kids fr fr.

YOU ARE NOT A FATHER YOHH

Bro I’m a Messi guy but you shoulda saw my celly

Absolute cinema.

Guys I was so hyped you coulda thought I won the fucking lottery.

I used to say I was an adrenaline junkie, now I had overdosed on it. In my head it was front flips, back flips…. Or sorts of flips. I felt fireworks down my spine like I had just done a line of the snow.

i don’t know how to end this one.

Subscribe though, I have one locked and loaded in my drafts. I’m just testing ze waterz. See ya in the next one.

Yeah none of that is happening but if you’re a memba you already know the click bait is a must. Well she didn’t die…… not exactly.

So this is last year, I’m with a baddie— as always, man’s got a resume you hearr, she was in one of those moods where she just be starting fights out of nowhere. Like “nigga why is you silent for too long? You wish you was with yo homies don’t you?” Maaaan shut up😭 true but shush man.

She had been giving me an attitude for days but still be trying to come to mines cause she hated her friends.

Bro 1pm nagiye kumva numva someone is opening the door….. me the very good bf, had given this lil girl a key to the crib. That also by the way was because she had accusations and wanted to pay me impromptu visits.

You could tell it’s her by the way she smacks the keys to the little table by the door and immediately starts playing tik toks extra loud.

She walks in I was just on the sofa I say wasup and she sits talm bout “I am so sick and it’s half your fault” I was actually getting used to this.

She was truly sick though, she had a headache. I asked her “yo what do u think we just go to the hospital?” She like I’m used to this, you guys just some bitches you feel a little headache and panic…. Oooh ok ok i got it still.

To be honest she was right, I rarely get sick so when I am I panic, but I wanted to get out the house.

She goes “can you order some food? I am craving pizza and I’m very hungry” bitch?😭

Who comes out the house at 1pm without eating?

Okay this is my gf so I order her some fucking margarita for the princess with the last 20 buckaroos left on my account.

Three minutes after eating she was asleep on the couch which gave me a good 45 judgement and nagging-free minutes worth of tik tok scrolls in the washroom. And boy did I enjoy sitting on the toilet and scrolling.

After she had gotten her little siesta she was in a mood for a movie so we did just that. But sometime around 6pm she goes “luv can we go buy some fruits? I really miss watermelons” bro I am not afraid to admit a brother was down…. I text my boy so send me some cash and I told her I will be right back imma get the fruits.

Naaaaah she said she wanna come.

“No but, but you’re sick” she probably had already caught up to my intentions of going out and coming back after an hour.

“I can definitely go down the street I will be fine”

Okay as she wishes

We go, she’s actually one of them people that know how to test if a watermelon is ripe enough. She’s surprisingly always right…. Or they’re always all ripe and she picks whatever. Idk exactly which is which.

So we grab this 5 kilo melon, cashier, we out. Bro as soon as we stepped out she says she’s lightheaded

Woah woah no not here, not on the skreets.

“I wanna sit down”

“Wait let’s get home it’s literally ten steps we there”

“No I can’t moo..”

she falls to the ground.

😥😥😥😥

Yo wake up wake up

Yeah it’s long for me

Call me selfish but I was thinking about what it means for me and what I would explain if she, yk, worst case scenario.

Mabuso directe. Bari kumfungira mu munyu ahari.

I called the ambulance but I kid you not words couldn’t come out my mouth.

Two auties came running and sprayed some sort of cologne on her hand and made her smell it, and called the ambulance as well.

It was taking forever so they just called saying it’s an accident, that took them 2 minutes they were there with the police .

Listen I’m a black man, I panicked. I called the bros they came immediately too.

By the time she was put into the ambulance she was conscious, and I got in and took her to the hospital.

Bro for a second I thought she died.

What was I going to tell her mom had she died?

She didn’t even know me, she actually found out about me from that night as the “friend” that took her to the hospital.

She sent me like 6 identical plain white tees as a thank you, quality is out of this world too.

Anyways she was pregnant. I’m joking. She just had some sort of infection in her blood or something I don’t even remember.

Months later she broke up with me. But boomerangs man, they are so funny.

Subscribe to my OnlyStacks.

“I feel like if I don’t put in effort to keep afloat whatever this is you’re just gonna let it sink”

now this is a recent one, she’s gonna read this and be like…. “Oh so he has feelings” but yeah like everything, anybody, I do. And the fact that it’s my ex as well… yeah we dated. And it felt like she was putting more effort into us while I was just tryna put more effort in me. I still am kinda struggling with life but I have to admit that I messed that one up. She totally deserves better.

“I am loved at home you know?”😭😭😭

yoh the way this one hurt me the most man. Every single time I see someone with a sharp jawline, or see tulips I remember her. I literally can never listen to country music again because of this woman. Best I ever had and we never even dated. I’m sorry Batman, I wish I could tell you guys about this girl. She’s “the one that got away” I know.

“Trust me I always knew where I stood with you.”

This came with a screenshot of her saying she’d marry me without a second thought. Guys have you ever been confronted and realized you’re a stupid mf. I acted like I ignored that text but yoh, it cut so deep man. I can never get over what she said because I know where I stood with her too, which was the same but you have to understand me. I always messed up good things and I like her so much to mess that up too. I’m almost sure she will read this and guys she’s so smart as well😭 fine asl, cute ting, hates men she’s my type 😂

“I would have rather you scream at me than have you act like it’s okay and go ghost me for two weeks trying to get over something alone”.

  look, This would have been small. But she was my girlfriend. I fucked up big on that one. Whenever you hear someone complain about her bf’s communication issue think of me. I don’t know how to confront my ting about anything. I like forgetting things instead and it takes time, so I take time to forget it then come back like nothing happened. I end up ghosting for a few days to get over some bs….. if I knew how to fix it I would so spare me the lecture.

“When you finally understand I am the only person who gets you, you will come running”

this ruined my longest friendship ever. Last year was our 18th year knowing each other since pre-school. She was 100% right, I saw so much of myself in her and I liked it. Whenever we’d be with her family they’d treat me like one of their own and she’d be treated like fam at mine too. My family loved her so much cause she’s the smartest girl I have ever met. We don’t talk anymore. The reason is obvious she brought amasaka in amasakaramentu. I think what hurt me was losing a best friend. She’s literally me why would I ever date a girl who thinks like me? Sinjya nanabirota.

“I wish you treated me half as good as you treat your homeboys” 😭

this coming from your woman will have you sleepless for forty days and forty nights. But I do love my homies I can’t live without them. They have caused so much trouble in my relationships but would you rather me hang with girls or hang with my guys? You can’t possibly expect a nigga to be with in your control every minute of my wake bro. I actually treated her very good, idk why it hurt me so much at the time. The only girl I was a “modern boyfriend” to. Actually as I write this I’m getting pissed off.

“I’m going to block you because I love you”

now this one…. It hurts me but my pride says it shouldn’t. I don’t know why. That was also the last thing she ever said to me to this day. She said she always found herself reading our texts but again, she would still be seeing them no? Anyways she is a dime. We clicked so bad from a very long time ago, and we went through some rough patches together as friends man. She was the one fr. And she hit me with that sentence right in the morning and ghosted me yoh. It is what it is tho.

Text me again Kiki, I miss you ♥️😂

“Her! Really? You and Liv? Woww”

Guys if you read the stories down, you remember Jen….. bro I have had only a handful have a crush on me. The ones that I know. Jen loved the boy but I was tryna be so popular in school that I ended up with a popular girl💔 that shit cut so deep man, I hated that I sort of liked her and hated that she wasn’t my priority, she was so visibly hurt that day and I was a coward that couldn’t even look her in the eyes.

Yeah man, somehow we find ourselves in situations like these. Could be on either side. Both definitely hurt trust me cause I just told you I am on the one most of youse aren’t. I am now committed to the streets. Situationships are the root of all evil so I killed them. Sinzica gitera nzica ikibimutera. Peace out.

You will get why I’m asking you that in a minute

The year is 2022 and I was living in our 3 bed, 1 and a half back house. I was living with another Rwandan guy and a Nigerian guy so life was chill. I swear to God we lived in the same house but only met whenever we’d plan to gobble and guzzle down cheap wine and beer cause that’s all we could afford. Other than that, you had to text in the gc and ask where the other was at.

I was the only one attending school others were full time chillers, the Nigerian literally became a pro e-gamer because of skipping school. I have to admit this boy was the best at that “rocket league” game on PS. One day I came from class around like 6pm, it was in the first few days of September so you know it’s still mad sunny outside, and surprisingly the Naij boy was in the living playing his games. I say surprising because he was always up all night and sleeping all day. I said wasup and put my bag on the couch and he went “bro is it okay to have a couple of friends come over for two three nights? It’s girls” nigga, I was cheesin already 😭 I was like can one stay wimme in my room? Jokingly of course but I was excited to have people over. You have to understand, there was no life in our house any change would have been greatly appreciated.

I went to my room to change then heard a knock on the door. Muscle memory to open the door of course because at this time I would be the only person up. Iopened to this tall light skin girl, peng as a mf. Holding a suitcase tho!?!??? Didn’t that guy say two to three nights? Hol on, I see behind her on the stairs a head climb up, and another one, and another one… I swear to you when I tell you six girls walked past me at that door I was posted on.

Math was not mathing. Mouths to feed, bathroom time partition, beds, it was not making sense. We were under attack — this our house was getting turned into Port Harcourt under our very nose. And then the worst happened. Up came another girl, wait for this….. 9 MONTHS PREGNANT. Yeah we was cooked or as Nigerians say it JESOS.

And by the way, as I saw how heavy packed they were I knew for a fact it’s a week minimum.

Guys it didn’t take long for them to get settled, but I paid most of the house rent anyways so my room was untouched. The two boys stayed in the same room and the other was given to the virgin mary, the rest of them crammed in the living room don’t ask me how I never even poked my head in there. It was none of my business.

Guys I’m a morning person and everyone that knows me knows it. But beginning the morning with a sword duel is on nobody’s schedule unless you time traveled from Napoleon’s battalion. 6am the first morning with these spartans I heard a lot of noise coming from the kitchen and I, man of the house, of course, had to go check. I opened my door and went to the kitchen and say one with a knife and the other with a pan and they were not joking. I could read YNW Melly intentions in a goat let alone a woman.

I again, the man of the house, turned my ass around and went back to my room lol. If you think I was going to stop this mai mai rebellion you’re mad I’m not Sankara. Or whoever it concerns. After the barbarians had quenched their beefs I heard a knock on my door, gang it was puff puff for breakfast 😭 I was not mad anymoreee. Whoever said the way to a boy’s heart is through his belly cooked, and so were these women every single day until they brought the sticky okro creature. That can miss me bro, wym you man eat food that can depart wholly from your bowl?

Anyways to each their own. Wenda nabo ntibarya ibitonore n’imvange. Let me redirect you to the other ukuriwe. Mind you up until like week three I had no idea she was nine months pregnant, I mean, how could I? I won’t ask because it looks like I’m trynna know so much about her getting laid.

They prepared a party one day, I remember it to be a Friday as the plan was get so fucked up that the following day it would be physically impossible to unglue me from the pillow.

But if I take you back a little, me and the boys used to check up on the pregnant 18 year old everyday— oh I didn’t mention she was 18? My bad it must have crossed my mind.

So the party….. food, drinks, games, cuddles up and down. Actually guys they were baddies I’m not gonna lie😭 our humble crib looked like shit but we were in a baddie Utopia. On paper we were in heaven, anyways I was getting cuddled by this chubby lighskin with daddy issues, version 2003, so you know I was exactly where I wanted and needed to be when someone mentioned the one who shouldn’t be mentioned.

Bruno.

Voldemort.

You can call her whatever you want.

“Where is she? Has anyone seen her today?” Nobody gave a flying fxxx😭 the movie played on.

Like 2-3AM is when a phone rang and it was the baby mama calling for clothes and with an fyi that she had just given birth. Alone. To be fair this circus wouldn’t be around me if I was going to have a baby too.

Cyaze bro, God’s strongest soldiers.

Before you ask, no she didn’t bring the lil nigga back to our crib. And to be honest I never cared enough to ask.

We would just buy groceries and they’d do the cooking. Sometimes they would fight about whose turn it is and when I’d offer to cook they’d never allow me and I’d go back to cry in my bed cause I’m hungry.

Yesterday I met my chubby Queen, still chubby. I would be lying if I said I don’t miss the chaos, the one thing in the physics principles that’s forever expanding.

We had a nanny, Beth, the devil herself. And for some reasons we were stuck with her because up until then I had always seen her at home.

Legends have it, she was there before we were even conceived— by we I mean me and my twin brother.

Boom, so routinely we would wake up and she’d bath us and take us to school as we were kind of close to our school.

This is a five-six year old me btw keep in mind I wasn’t the smartest man in the world.

This one day, normal…. Until I saw a 500rwf note in her shoe.

Guys bonbon yaguraga 5rwf, super dip 50rwf, irindazi 50rwf. Do the maths. Noneho hakaba these ice blocks they used to sell down the street from the school that ranged between 20rwf to 50rwf, I was looking at a day as fun as my birthday here. I swiped it.

I didn’t even have my breakfast I said I was good and my bag was on my back ready and excited for school which was sus to everyone at home— I was good in school but I wasn’t the biggest fan. In fact, I always skipped school on women’s day as my way of protesting why it’s not a national holiday #heforshe #feministme #performativemalesyndrome

Okay that’s a lie, I skipped because it was a good reason to skip. Mom always found it hysterical but I always put up a fight and the mom of four didn’t have energy to fight every time.

Anyways, backpack on, ready at the door calling Beth and broski to come out we late whole time I just want to kick start this banger of a day I have coming.

Beth even commented on it, she said what’s gotten into you? Something is definitely up.

I probably gave a dumb stupid justification to why a six year old me wants to dart off to pursue his educational prowess.

We went nevertheless, time was four times slower because I was 500 richer in my pockets.

Singe warose break time igeze I was out.

I invited the boys my ride or dies, the gang, and the enemies became this time I was feeling generous. It is undeniable that, in those 30 minutes I became the most popular kid on the block— so popular that by 12pm my mom was in school. Guys she whooped my ass I’m not going to expand on the aura deficit here.

Anyways. I don’t know whose idea it was to keep kids to school from morning to evening but that was the system, we would leave some time late afternoon and it’d be kind of dark by the time we got home.

Beth, of couse, is the one picking us up from school.

This time it was different, there wasn’t no chatting it was like she’s plotting something. I had already been whooped so I thought that was it. It was not.

Guys we had another guy, called Eric that would help out with chores at the house for some reason, I don’t exactly remember what he was for but we didn’t have a gate then so he couldn’t have been the gate man. He was probably just useless because after what happened I didn’t even see him again.

When we got home it felt eerie, we would enter the house straight to the laundry basket and remove the uniforms and proceed to go put on fresh clothes in our room.

I saw beth stand across the hallway with a long ass stick and said come here. Yes I saw I wrote her name with a small letter I won’t put a capital on her name again cause I have no respect for her.

I had on a tshirt , and underwear. Basically felt like winnie the pooh as I begged her to at least let me put on some shorts.

This wasn’t a regular stick, guys I was born a boy so ass whoopings were a daily thing…. Not this one. Do you guys know this bush tree that has small small thorns? It has like little flowers that grow on it. She held that stick like a samurai sword in front of me as she challenged me to try not to die.

I wasn’t aware of what kind of katana— sorry, stick she held, so I wasn’t afraid of it. Winnie the pooh got spanked once and I felt like she just peeled the skin off my hip.

She managed to get five more of these strokes on the boy before I could escape her hand. As I was heading to the front door to run out , Eric The Useless stood tall guarding. Bro I was super small I squeezed under his legs and disappeared.

Around the house there was a door that was leaning over to the house, again, God knows why…. But I crawled inside and cried silently in there. I was bleeding on my hip, didn’t care, I just wanted to end this night alive at this point.

My sisters came with a pair of pants, calling me but I knew if I go out beth will terrorize them into telling her my location. Can’t compromise my safety so I kept it shtum.

And then she came, thanoess, on my health I felt her steps like she one of those giants from Jack the Giant slayer, and she got down to look in the door exactly where I was hiding. We locked eyes, I swear, but I was in so much darkness she didn’t see me. So she went back.

Guys she locked the door, I don’t know how she was going to explain to my parents that I didn’t spend the night over but after like an hour I just knocked on my brother’s window and he opened so I passed through it to get to bed and slept.

By morning, it was so swollen you could see it in jeans.

I had a hip and a thigh. BBL Baby, I was Cardi B in the flesh.

It didn’t hurt though but I acted like my life is ending little by little. I jumped outa bed to my mom’s room and when pops saw that, I don’t even know how, but by the time I was done washing my face and brushing me teeth, her luggage was out and she was leaving. This time for good.

WAR IS OVER

JOY WAS REALLY BACK

Guys she was the worst. SAd us even in some ways I can’t discuss but just know I didn’t like her.

This, by the way, meant me and my siblings have to do all the chores at home everyday for the next, probably year.

Didn’t care. I washed those dishes with a big fat smile on my face, mopped the floors with a radio 10 playlist, btw always bangers…. Gang I was having time. She really almost took me out for 500 Rwandan Francs. I have heard of stories of niggas that for stabbed by their friends for a cigarette but damn. Five hunnid?

Anyways a little wholesome follow up was somewhere in 2016, we were in our room me and my brother playing video games and Pops called us saying we should come greet a visitor in the living room. I walked in and it was beth, made a 180 and went to my video games without even getting close to her. My brother didn’t go either. Pops didn’t say anything to us cause he knows how I felt. Fuck beth, that’s how I feel to this day.

I love you guys tho🌻 I do I do I do. (In Yebba’s voice)

Guys let me tell you a story that explains why I don’t have a facebook account. this is a long one so grab a drink.

The year is 2018 and you guys know how facebook was still on top of the business muri high. Remember the free one we used to have but you had to be careful or you’d send the text like a million times.

Anyways there’s girly girl let’s call her Gisele. I don’t know a single person called Gisele no clue where that name came from.

Anyways Gisele is chopped. Not like optionally she was chopped in everybody’s eyes. We sat on the same table in the dining hall and talked a lot we were basically friends urebye. But we only met on the dining hall cause she was a Sophomore and I was a Junior.

Sasa here’s where the whole thing gets messed up, we go to the Spring break holidays and she adds me on her Facebook and ofc I added her back. I want to make sure you lot understand that she was chopped seriously. If I described her it would sound like I’m body shaming…. That’s how chopped she was.

We start facebook-ing immediately, we chatted every single day and if you read the stories I shared down you remember I had so much time in 2018. Okay, I will not take long to get to the point but I’m ashamed that’s all😭.

I really saw her as a fun ass friend, she was funny— duh, most people that have something to be insecure about are mad funny, me too.

Gang the first week passed so fast I was always on my tecno updating Fiona I’m going to make my bed, I’m going to touch grass. Second week comes and if you know how the going back to school schedule was, Northern province left last on Sunday.

Okay, this is Friday sasa, bamaze kumpa argent de poche. I’m 5000rwf richer and now I’m very confident and bold.

Around like 5pm is when she texted me saying “btx? Ur hme x?” Nange nti “yg oe c?” Wsh ça me fait giga cringee😭

She said she’s bored so I said let’s go out grab a bite of something. Kigali ni nto so when she said she’s down I was out in 2 minutes. All I did was spray my facebook perfume on — wait you don’t remember them ones? Hold on lemme show you

Ahaaa this bad bwoy. Hate or hate but it was 1200rwf well spent. Anyways I didn’t even change the sweaters I had on I just slid my paws in black air forces and I was out.

We met downtown around Umut Cafe, she was smelling whatsapp or something bro we didn’t have motion I didn’t care.

We walked down until La Galette and decided that’s where we’re spending the money that night. We entered, looked for a table for two but there was none. A waited told us to sit somewhere until a place opens up so we located a stool in the corner and I said lemme be a gentleman and let her sit while I stand and she said nah, sit. Me (a good boy apparently) sat and she came and sat on man’s thigh.

Guys, It didn’t phase me, that’s how chopped she was. Anyways after a yappathon we went home. Couldn’t tell you what we talked about on that budget date but I will tell you this, after confirming on free Facebook that she got home safe, she was flirting heavy.

I like playing so I played back, gang my middle name is “reciprocator” cause you do me I do you. Pause. Anyways she didn’t waste time, around 2AM she said she wants your boy to be her boyfriend. I was in the 2AM mood bro guess what I said? Everybody deserves a good man no? 😭 Saturday morning she is feeling romantic so we flirt heavy you woulda thought I’m that into her.

In my mind this was the thoughts

“what will I tell them mandem?”

“How do you explain dating a gremlin”

I had come up with a few answers

“Guys it’s make-a-wish”

“Bro mind your business”

“Show me yours let’s see”

Last one is quite risky though cause some people been dating models since P5.

Anyways back to the story, Sunday comes and we say let’s meet at school cause I had to meet and travel with the homies.

I’m sorry for making this story long by the way I even didn’t say a lot in the middle.

Getting to school we had “welcome tests” the following day so people had to go in class the first night to get ready. Especially me cause I had flirted the whole holidays instead of working on organic chemistry.

But here’s an unwritten rule

New couples had to be seen on the first day together no matter what, so I went to her class.

She’s in there I can see her she’s with her friends, I send someone to go get her for me, bro at this point I wasn’t even thinking I was starting to be into her💔 I know I know, after roasting her from the first like I shouldn’t be saying this.

But I had started liking her, this is the fucked up part about that one love language “quality time”. It works the same way as a magnet cause when a metal stays with a magnet for long it becomes one as well. Ong I had started developing feelings for Giselle.

I’m waiting on her to come outside so we can pose for the gossip messengers and she sends the guy back ngo “tell him I’m getting ready for exams let’s talk when we in the dining hall” egg fucking scuse me?????

Say no more. I dragged my shame back to my class numvaga narira cause wait, have I just been played? Nononono we have to get some confirmation here. Boom it’s dinner time bro I raced to that table.

“Wtf was that” I was furious bro, she said “ukuntu uba wigize kwishuri all nonchalant I will expose you nitujya muri comp lab on Wednesday, I know your class goes in on Thursday so good luck getting rid of the messages” my heart dropped.

She didn’t say nonchalant tho, that wasn’t a thing in 2018 she probably said something like Imonga or sum.

DAMN ITS OVER FOR ME. MY WHOLE AURA IS GONE.

Monday was tests. I did not, for one second, sit and concentrate on them. I was thinking how I’m going to get my hands on anything that can get on the internet and if you know one thing about people like me, we never borrowed the school phone for nothing.

Up until this point nobody knew about it but I knew, in two days I’m cooked.

The gossip sisters had ofc heard from her that I was hitting on her, which is crazy cause it was the other way around, but had no proof so they gave me the benefit of the doubt before raining the breaking news on the rest of the 700 students.

Guys lemme jump straight to Wednesday, D-Day. What is going to happen to me bro I was so stressed. This must have been what Epstein felt when they were coming to his island. Or Diddy before they opened his baby oil stash cause just like Puffy couldn’t explain the hundreds of bottles of johnson & johnson, those texts were not going to see the light of day on my watch.

I don’t know how I remembered, right around PE hour, that there’s a computer in the library, listen I didn’t even shower I ran straight to the library.

The librarian was a 19year old fresh graduate who I was praying, would empathize with me. I went up there and literally fell to my knees, pause, begged broski, and after telling him the whole story truthfully a bro’s bro came through.

I quickly logged in facebook, that 3G connection wasn’t that cooperative but I wasn’t going to be a beggar and a chooser….. after what felt like forever, I was in and quickly blocked her. I was smart enough to realize even though I blocked her she can probably still read the texts so I made the decision to delete my whole account.

Guys I am being honestly when I tell you my eyes almost watered. I was so happy, I came downstairs and unbuttoned my shirt as I left the library and felt the breeze. Four days felt like my brain was imprisoned in Guantanamo bay and now I’m back in the wild. Chopette almost did a number on me😭

Guys I met her before she went to the comp lab to go show her mates my atrocious texts. I was like what texts? So cocky…. In front of her friends too….. aura farming now that my confidence is back.

Dining hall she had her head tucked in like a hyena’s tail. All of my kindness, agreeing to date an ogress for charity, caritas, and she only expresses malice against the boy. Never will I ever date out of pity😭 EVER ubugwaneza bw’intware bro, to this day I don’t have a facebook account. But once in a while I type her name in instagram and check on her, still chopped so I thank the Lord Almighty for keep her safe from the glow up demons for me. Amen.

That’s literally the same thing as boy/girl friendships. I have been there, you have been there this is not a discovery.

But any friendship is a Russian roulette in some ways because it’s “try not to fall”

I don’t really believe in those love languages but something called Quality time is the sorcery of it all.

Fiona fell in love with Shrek. Let that sink in. Bro it’s not about attraction trust me you will find yourself in love with someone you can’t even explain to your homeboys/homegirls.

You wake up on a random Tuesday fantasizing about a life, a future with this friend. Have some shame.

I can prove it because all my situationships and relationships were all crazy slow burns that somehow matured to self destruct.

Pet names are a first shot.

It doesn’t even matter what you call each other, could be Rutwe or LeBron. The fact that you have a special name you call this “friend” of yours registers as a step towards heartbreak cause let’s be honest. Who are we fooling?

The second shot is when your relationships fail horribly, you can’t land anyone because even though nobody tells you why, your partner can feel the building tension between you and your friend and chooses to leave for his/her own good.

Guys I’m not going to go with six shots of a revolver because in most movies I have watched it’s rare you are that lucky so the bang is here “I have something to tell you” FAAAHHH

You always know it’s coming but you just gaslight yourself into doubting it.

And you like your friend a little too much to not take up on the offer because they’re the perfect friend.

I have sent that text, you have sent that text and I think we should all take two seconds to marinate in this embarrassing moment.

The girl you call LeBron is now the first suspect of who destroyed your previous seven talkships.

She’s on your mind twenty four seven and you day dream about her playing in the backyard with your LeBron Jr daughter. You know what’s messed up? She is going to take up on your offer and you’re going to date for two weeks tops. If you’re lucky.

Rutwe, your “hb” is now your wallpaper.

Or some selfie you too with him acting goofy. You know you love that boy since the first day. He’s just perfect, you literally can’t imagine how he’s a man to begin with because as every girl in the world you hate men but him. He listens to gossip and picks up your call at 3am when you need someone to help you pick the OOTD.

Celeste, the artist has the whole timeline in hook.

“Isn’t it strange? how people can change, from strangers to friends, friends into lovers and lovers again”

And boy oh boy does this kind of breakup hurt.

Five years ago in 2021 I was just about to start uni around this time in a city that had nobody I knew, and spoke a language I couldn’t say Hi in, I was a bored freshman with no friends. I was learning the language on campus and after campus I would crawl back into my hole, the hostel room I shared with my thoughts and demons.

I would watch back to back episodes of my life’s decisions dusk to dawn everyday. I remember counting a week with no human interaction. You would think I would call my Mom and Dad or my twin brother to talk to them.

That’s for people that haven’t been actually lonely because when you’re truly alone you start pushing away even your own shadow.

On one same day, my residence papers got rejected, the department refused to register my classes, my first love broke up with me, and a close friend of mine I knew for about five years then committed suicide. True story.

Look I have had bad days, this one was special.

You look around for punk’d cameramen to say it’s a prank. You actually start feeling like it’s not real, is this the fucking hunger games?

Simulation? Dream? Where do I even start with this shit? I thought of actually off-ing myself bro. Maybe more than “thought” it but I won’t discuss that now.

The point is. I had no one that could help, I had nowhere to go hide from anything, my brain imploded and nobody knew. Because I had no friends, nobody who could feel my absence.

Four years of uni I made friends, three boys that will forever hold a huge part of me. Later with them too there’s too much about these young men.

I went too far from where I started, but as you can tell one thing led to another but  I haven’t felt any low even close to that ever since because I’m always in motion.

If you saw my instagram account you would tell, if you asked my friends they would tell you that I am never at home. Doing what if not sleeping?

I watch movies at cafes where it’s loud as hell.

I am by the water whenever I can. Between rest and a new adventure every weekend I choose to gaze because a wise philosopher said “depression can’t hit a target in motion” in the year of our Lord 2026, on tik tok.

You guys have a blessed day! Peace.

Anyways, ladies and gentlemen, it’s with great shame that I admit this. Hold my hand before I run. The year is 2019, I’m not going to lie I don’t remember the exact month this happened in but that’s not even important.

There’s this uncle I have, of course cousins as well, that I heard as much as blood family in the conversation in my household.

My cousins, all girls, used to spend holidays at ours, and my sisters would go to theirs in the next. You know, cousins thing. But even though only two or three used to visit us I always heard there was a younger one that stayed home but honestly, if you read my other stories you know how less interested I was in anybody woman, girl bla bla.

So, there was another uncle, this one though, I knew he wasn’t blood but he was the closest person to my dad. Turns out, they were childhood friends with the other uncle I mentioned before. Then secondary,… basically a lot of unnecessary information here.

Uncle number two hosted a function and we attended, as family of course.

I was the last to get there because I was coming from Kanombe bro you already know that is the farthest place from anywhere….. okay so coming in the house I greeted everyone, everyone that I knew, cousins, you know, secret handshakes and all….. but then I saw a white dress maybe beige, small girl lightskin, she is very pretty and the fact that she was the only person I didn’t know in like ten people she was standing with made it feel like she was the only person you’d look at.

I’m not going to lie to you twin, my heart skip a beat😭 I remember the feeling like it happened yesterday

She’s the young sister of the other “cousins” that used to come to mine.

A nigga just started putting quotes to that word just know I don’t even care about it now.

Guys I won’t say much about her because she is going to read this. Wait hold on, we talked a lot that night, we danced, I was completely in love with her. There I said it. We had said we were spending the night there to maximize time and she did get her dad’s permission but I had to go to the j*b the next day. Yes I had a job bro  when I was in secondary. Mad.

I won’t give her a name she won’t come back, I hope, but if you’re reading this….. marry me. Jk jk jk. I mean we already wrote our vows and don’t think I forgot about that.

If she asks me about this I will post her vows and tag her (this is my insurance so that I don’t get asked about this)

She’s a writer, she writes like no one you’ve seen. There is an actual conspiracy that William Shakespeare was a black woman called Amelia Basini Lanier. This girl is my Amelia.

She is my first, last, and only crush. Good night. (That was cold) okay okay good night fr this time.

 I will take You back to the beginning of 2017 A Level. We were settling in the school you know, freshmen and dat. Like three days in and a new girl joined our cohort. We were not in the same class tho, she was the Mayor’s kid. This details makes it so easy for everyone that knows us because duhh, there can only be one. She was mad arrogant and she held herself in a way you could have thought she’s royalty. She pulled most of the niggas she wanted to but bro I’m extremely hardheaded, I just hated her character. 

She was easy to read like one fish two fish when she started dating the smartest guy in her class because she wasn’t the smartest and she wanted to be that girl that dates the smart good looking guy to be the power couple. I can never forget this one time, she came to the hall, where me and gang were sitting chilling, we were really minding our business and she just came up to us and asked us “do you guys know who I am?” Let’s take three seconds to read that again shall we “do you guys know who I am?” Well excuse me miss arrogant, we’re bored boarders we know everyone. But we just said nah. “Oh thank God I thought everyone here knows me, you know, because I’m the mayor’s daughter and stuff” mind you SHE WALKED UP TO US.

 I just started hating her. Anyways, two years later I found myself comforting her about some personal things she was going through (partially her fault btw, because of her arrogance) and she fell. She fell so hard I was the first thing she thinks of in the morning and probably her dreams too, hey a nigga gotta brag. One day I decided to read her diary and gang, chick wrote this exact words. “I really love this boy (my name). He is the love of my life. I only have a one problem, he is younger than me and I might have no chance with him.” This kind of information to the type of demon I was, was incriminating. 

Literally!! Bro I was asking her to do me favors nobody else would do, like can we stay out here sitting I want company, mind you it’s 10°C out in the Musanze weather, no jokes. I’d do it knowing well she has lung issues just to test her and she’d happily agree. Cmon I’m not that evil I’d tell her I was joking. SHE THREW ME A PRIVATE BIRTHDAY PARTY. Bro you don’t know the dedication that had to be put in to throw any sort of private party. Plus the broke people money we were on those days. But anyways, her ex boyfriend is in our cohort so no way, I can’t break the rule for nobody. She dibble dabbled with my homie afterwards but that’s not my story to tell, she was probably trying to hurt the boy but I had other other plans. I just realized I didn’t give her a name, call her Sophie.

So Sophie is super kind now. All the impressions you had of her by now is very wrong. We don’t talk at all now we just view each other’s stories on Istagram and that’s all the communication we have. I feel like we were always very different people and even though we grew, the differences grew with us.

The white pen she gave me for my birthday, the same pen she used to write on that birthday card. Was my lucky charm to top my class in nationals. I love her too. Forever. I believe she did love me truly, I was just an impossible person. I still am to this day.

So from this part going forward, I want you to promise something. Don’t judge.

Ofc as a guy I was bullied by girls but I was chill about it (I haven’t forgotten about you T Brown, I am sorry too tho iykyk) I know secrets aren’t a thing in this little book just don’t pay attention to what I am putting in brackets okay? Okay good dog. So straight to the point Jen. This is a tall darkskin girl, her lips kind of made her whole face look five years younger which makes no sense to me too, but it was true to my eyes. I say this with a broken heart this woman loved me….

If I could bring back time I would definitely give her some play time so that I can at least try and fail. Every free time he got, she dedicated it to me. Our parents knew each other from work too we were basically a match made in heaven.

Jen loved me. We bought each other snacks, we hung, I was in a dancing club and she didn’t know how to move her toes but she joined, don’t get me wrong i liked her too but she wasn’t going to put me on any kind of fame ladder whatsoever, the pedestal. My bad Jen. So I don’t know that many people in the school, which is okay because I was a nerd and liked to stay in my class most days but this time I went out to just sunbathe.

This girl from the basketball team passed by and I was toooookkkk. She had this way she looked behind from her shoulders that made you think she’s a model of some sort. I was like, see now I gotta have that one.

Guys meet Olivia, but before I tell you about her, I will first brush off Stella because she’s the most beautiful woman I have ever seen in my life. She was in the same class as Olivia, she was rude as hell, and nobody dated her but she was my high school crush. There I said it. Okay back to Olivia, I didn’t know she was actually passing wherever I was on purpose. She wanted me toooo. “How do you know?” Gang we dated. She told meee. Okay so this one time we were heading to the dining hall and I was just walking there as everyone else but I kind of looked back and there she was. She was wearing this little white top with a pink collar lining. It wasn’t a straight line collar it was like a wobbly line which was so cute and coquette. She walked a bit faster to line up shoulder to shoulder with me so I started the convo, we chatted for bout 45 seconds max before the shyness took over and she ran.

Honestly she beat me to it, I was about to disappear myself lol. This the 27 August by the way, man wasted no time because the 9th September 2017, I told her I wanted to talk in the morning but because we were preparing for a busy day that day she told me we can chat later. I was nervous the whole day. It was like this festive day in school and there was hella people, hella scran, hella drinks, vibes, it was a day Imma tell ya. I didn’t mention, by this time we had synced friends. Her friends were mine, and mine were hers. You’re not ready for the mess I am about to start here, let’s first introduce my homie, Sam, we danced together but we didn’t study together.

Sam had a girlfriend who was obviously my friend too then, Clara, she was the most clumsy person in the world. This time around she was already friends with Olivia and they were talking all day that day, I had told Sam I was gonna ask Liv to be my girl and he had told Clara. Clara obviously told Liv too.

So about 7:30 when the school was calm and a lot of cleaning was going on I was with the boys chatting the normal footie debate, when I saw her standing alone in the shadows near my class. I said it’s time and went to say hi.

She said we should take a walk so we did, I began asking about “do you remember…..” bs as I was gathering courage to actually pop the question. I finally found the right words and said “hey Liv, I like you…. And I want you to be my girlfriend” dumb nigga. Guess what she said……. No no she didn’t say she liked me too, shawty said “yes”  yessss?????? Bitc…. PG12 relax. But I took it. I liked her I didn’t see anything wrong with it. This relationship became more of a PR stunt from day two. We would just pose for the paparazzi, only be together in public but we didn’t talk that much whatsoever. That I like you was the only one I said too. 2018 first term flew so fast I can’t even remember hanging with her that much time. We danced though, she was talented, I was too, that was the whole point. Two dancers as a couple was a good match. Oh Jen, she found out through a rumor . And asked me “you and Olivia? Woww” the wow was a raspy breaking voice that was heartbreaking to hear considering how much effort she was putting in and how little the effort Liv was putting in us. Woww author you are so dumb man, wait… lemme rephrase. Woww author you were* so dumb man. Anyways, come second term, we still weren’t much a couple we just maybe liked the company not the person per se idk. That wasn’t much of a connection for someone who had a friend every three meters in the school so that’s how it ended. Nobody cheated, nobody broke up with nobody, we just faded away. If it was something about my school though, you dated once and if you mess it up that’s it. You don’t get two chances. Well I messed it up and started avoiding all girls in general, which was super easy because the choppeness in my school was off the charts. I don’t mean to be rude or sexist but what do you expect from a school called “ecole des sciences” I'm not being sexist either cause I  went to the school I know, I am chopped too niggas was chopped too. Bref, one day we were in a Friday school movie night and I saw her all snuggled up with a nigga and she was staring at me waiting for me to notice likeeee?? Bro no way she thought I didn’t have game….. fact that I was respecting the unwritten rule gave her the wrong impression of me. So I started love bombing her best friend. This time it was about the end of the year so she just saw the lovebombing she didn’t see the mess cause she switched schools, Jen too, and Stella. 2018 I jumped from second in the class to the second last on the list. She might have been my first real girlfriend but man…… she was a jynx. All love tho, nothing but love for my girl Liv I hope she never read this shit.

 As an 11 year old I had to take extra classes on Saturdays, attend all Sunday Services and be a part of a community at church. A headache I will probably write in my memoir. So yeah I got in despite the odds, had so much fun and finished the o level. Didn’t talk to a single XX chromosome carrier the whole three years. 

So this one random day shopping stuff to take to my new A Level school I am strolling with my sister and I meet two people. Amy and her mom Mary. “Look who it is” she said and I was so surprised but not by the fact that we just met after 8 years. 

I was surprised because of two things. One is, when did she actually become this beautiful like whaaat?? Second and most importantly, SHE CAN TALK??!! You don’t understand, this was the first time I can recall her voice and we sat together everyday for three years. She was first in class I was second, or vice versa but I still couldn’t believe I just heard her talk. This was huge, all the childhood smiles and smirks restored, this is big. We exchanged a few words though, with her mom and all. 

Don’t think about her too much though, we will get back to her, because this is a start of something big. Let’s dive into A Level dating spree now shall we??

I used to say I sit front row because I am small but tbh I kind of liked zero distractions. This class is not going to be any different so as usual I am a front bencher.

 Wow what a surprise. But because this is a U class, my row has only two desks.

To be completely honest with you I couldn’t tell you who my desk mate was. Behind me though, was a guy with Down syndrome, like on the very end of the spectrum if it is even a spectrum disorder. His name is irrelevant but let’s just call him Kieran.

To his right, same desk, and straight behind me is a beautiful nine year old girl, her name is Lyn. She doesn’t talk much, actually nobody in the class even talks to her. I was kind of hesitant myself to even ask her for a spare pencil, so I asked my classmates about her. “She is a loner” was the common stamp on her name. Okay Lyn, I will leave you alone. Actually no, I started talking to her, expecting no response but still pushed. It got to a point she was so tired of me she actually became my friend by force. We hung out after school, you see that 10 minutes you can actually explain to your parents? Yeah those were strictly for Lyn. ( now that I think about it, there is a girl called Lyn, what am I gonna call her?) okay back to the story. It always felt like there’s something everybody knows about her that I don’t but I didn’t know what or who actually knows what that is. We became friends so good that even her brother knew me before I met him.

He was two years older than us, but we were in the same school. This part of the story makes me cry to this day. I hate to admit this part but it truly broke me. Thursday afternoon the class is about to end so I lean back and whisper to Lyn “we’re gonna go by the river I think you should come” she responds “okay”, well probably not okay but she affirmed. The bell rang and everybody raced home but not us, we had a plan. As we were leaving the school though, she went to see her brother, I think it was to give him her bag so he can take it home for her but I waited for her to come back.

Five minutes turned into ten, ten into thirty and about an hour later I saw an ambulance I hadn’t seen coming before leaving the school. I didn’t think much of it and continued waiting. It’s not like the lights were on or something but something was so heavy in my chest when I saw the krankenwagon. Look at me, trying to crack a german joke so I don’t cry again, a whole adult? Okay there’s no easy way to say this but Lyn had passed away in the ambulance.

Next day they came to pick me up from school to go to her funeral where I met her mom, and her family. I saw her lying in the casket, lifeless but still very much Lyn, and broke down. I cried my heart out. 

I prayed to God to make a miracle. I held her little notebook in my hand and realized how stupid I was because the little notebook is one of those they used to write your medications in, when you visited the clinic back in the day. So she had heart issues, I have no clue about, but what I think about to this day is, the last thing I did was wait for her to come back so we can hang. I wait on her sometimes and I see her sometimes. I hear from her and I tell her stories sometimes.

I keep asking myself if she made new friends in heaven or if she’s waiting for me too. 

It has actually been fifteen winters now, but the memories are hard to fade. I picked up the concept of uncertainty. What comes tomorrow only God knows. And who makes it through every minute only God knows. But I’m here ain’t I, Lyn is too if I am a firm believer she is.

But now that you’re reading this, I bet you can see her too, spooky things huh? Haha don’t worry, I wish her ghost haunted me like ahhh how scary, wouldn’t want that to happen to me ;).

Okay this is my weak moment here and I need a responsible adult to hold my hand.

Promoting from P1 to P2 meant different classmates, well kinda. This is because they choose randomly throughout the list and maybe this may lead to finding two, three or maybe five former classmates in your class.

Since we’re talking about 6 year olds I think this is the right time to say I will be keeping this PG 12 so my cousin can read it. Back to the story, I am now entering my class, excited to see new faces and make new friends.

Godddd why do you keep punishing me, that cannot be Sara noooo. Mind you, Amy just moved to another school, her mom isn’t my teacher no more, and Amy is the only face I can remember from P1. For some reasons I am made class president and now have power over everybody. I don’t know whose idea it was but what is even that? Me? That’s crazy. (Amy just texted me so imma continue writing with a smile on my face but you won’t see it) okay so I am three and a half apples tall and cute as a mothe… okay PG 12,  I promised.

Sara keeps pressing my buttons tho, trying to talk down on me, trying to pick fights with me, I don’t even know why. There is no better way to ease into this but one morning, breakfast break, we fought. I was the boy of course I won but at what cost? For the next year and a half, all I dreamed of, all I thought of was apologizing to Sara. They moved and she changed schools but I thought of her everyday for what seemed like forever. Might come off as a surprise but I grew fond of her memories and started thinking of our wedding and kids living in a glass mansion 😭 Laugh all you want the seven year old me was that mature.

Okay let me close up this Sara girl by updating you on when we met again, four years later….. she looked at me and I looked at her and we moved. Dawg there is literally no good ending here, that was it. But to me it was more than enough closure because she looked happy and I was happy. End of.

For the sake of all the stories, all names are made up, unlike the stories. This is early 2008 and the boy is just starting primary one. You never really know where the love story starts until it actually does, this story is not where the love story started. It is where the hate story began. Sara is a light-skin, little beautiful six years old. WOAAHHH calm down, I am six as well. In the story I am. We had four primary one classes. Not only I didn’t know anyone outside my class, I doubt I even knew all the people in mine. I was in P1A and Sara was in P1D. Basically parallel lines cause I couldn’t have guessed how this story ends. I am going to make all stories short so this is how it goes, Amy studies in my class and Amy’s mom, Mary, is our teacher. I like Amy. I have never heard Amy say one word and we have been seat-mates since pre-school. Interesting huh? Amy will come in these so often you’re gonna get tired of her. My ADHD is crazy I already forgot about Sara, or have I? I was just giving you a backstory, so Mary gets sick and we’re distributed in other classes, first time in three years I’m separated from Amy. I end up on the same bench as this light-skin little girl. One thing about me though, since I was a boy when I like a girl the rest look like they haven’t trimmed their mustache is a week. Here’s the kicker, she doesn’t even like me either. She just has never gotten a boy seat mate before. Now, how does the tittle of this chapter come into the story, I am a bit sleepy on a hot summer afternoon, mom packed ibitoki for lunch and it’s taking a toll on me, Crazy how the system made us study throughout the whole summer, but whatever. I was dozing when this sensation of warm touch grazed my lips. Wait was I trying to write like an actual author lmaooo, she french kissed me as my first ever kiss. For the whole 4 seconds I was immobile. I had no clue what was going on kumbe miss mamas just stole my moment. Just stole my first kiss. Miss Sara, why would she do that, I yanked myself back and wiped my mouth. I didn’t tell anyone, actually to this day you are the first to know about it. Sara looked so unbothered and unfazed but I was pissed. We sat together for the whole next two weeks which seemed like two years. It would be so much fun having Amy read these stories because she forgot every single thing and she keeps saying I am making up 2006-2008 stories.