Without further ado…

Top 3 treatments for ANY bride-to-be:

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Well I found it.

I tried to scroll back through my phone of all the wedding gowns I tried on over the last couple months and then my ADHD took over and told me how I wouldn’t get an accurate count anyway because I didn’t take photos in gowns I wasn’t very into but regardless, it’s probably upwards of 50 gowns.

And then it happened.

Oh shit.

Oh shit- Oh shit oh SHIT!

Everyone said this was going to happen and I was kinda starting to think it wouldn’t. There were so many dresses I had looked at and ones I hadn’t tried on yet.

But nothing- I mean NOTHING compares to this dress.

It’s a beautiful amalgamation of all the dresses I loved but weren’t quite it. It’s everything I envisioned. I immediately thought of Hallí and what he would say, how he would feel, what he would think. A vision of watching him at the end of the aisle, hand over his mouth, tears in his eyes, love and disbelief emoting over his face landed softly behind my eyes.

This was it. I wanted to wear it forever. I didn’t want to take it off I wanted to live in the dress. I didn’t need to try on another one. Which honestly came with a bit of sadness because I was having so much fun. I had a few designers offer second dresses to change into but the thought of taking this dress off

to don a different dress made me sad because what could possibly be more beautiful than what I was already wearing?

It feels timeless, and classic, like its out of a romance novel. I see it billowing in the misty landscape of Iceland, I see Hallí’s face, I see it all. The life of this dress. A dress with an incredible story to tell.

The 40 yr old bride. In my case, I’ll be 41 when Hallí and I get married.

This is such new territory for me. I always wanted to get married, I’ve had insanely vivd dreams about it and of my future. Part of me feels like I should just know what to do and another part is like “I’m sorry what is happening?” I’m one of the last of the friends to get married, I’m the oldest and last in my family to get married. Who wants to still celebrate? Maybe I shouldn’t make that big of a deal…

It is a big deal and yes, people still want to celebrate you. They are THRILLED to celebrate you. Maybe even more so because after everything you’ve been through- here we are, you did it.

There is so much I didn’t expect about getting engaged at forty and planning a wedding. I think part of it is the still widely accepted notion that 40 is old. I think about how people in our favorite shows growing up were 40 and how they were portrayed and how they looked. Be that hair styles, skin care and the readily accepted fact that tanning beds are bad, SPF is good and sun damage is the leading cause of skin cancer and their fasion maybe making them look older than they were. We grew up thinking 40 was almost in the grave.

Women my age and younger are growing up in a society that is breaking those norms and I couldn’t be more proud. Every aspect of my last 40 years has brought me to the man who sees me, who cherishes me, who royally showed me I wasn’t even getting the bare minimum in my past relationships. These 40 years have hurt, shaped, rebuilt and healed me. So when I say at 40,

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I was curious so I asked google too. “Are more boys being born in 2026?”

The first thing to pop up wasn’t the AI chatbot but a Reddit post titled, “Boys everywhere?” This wasn’t very helpful. Another post on Facebook, then several articles from the WHO and Statistics Times. According to the World Health Organization, globally the natural birth ratio is about 105 boys for every 100 girls. The Statistics Times confirmed this ratio as well. However, it does tend to balance out over time given the differences in male and female mortality at different points in life.

When I look at my close circle though, boys are everywhere. One of my best friends has 3 boys back to back. Another has two. My bother and his wife had a little boy in March. All of my best friends have BOYS! In fact two more of my friends were told this pregnancy would contain girls by a spirit baby reader and yet, testing showed boys. They were obviously disconcerted and when they went back as asked their spirit baby reader, they were told boy bodies were all that was available.

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When I first visited the country it was 2015. I had yet to appear on The Bachelor and I had long ago been bitten by the proverbial travel bug. Instagram was still on the newer side. Influencing was not a mainstream thing. I was following travel accounts and photographers as I was still heavy into my modeling and music video days in Nashville, TN. My friends and I would take day trips to water falls around Tennessee and caption our photos with cliche TLC quotes.

I have felt fairly lost, most of my life but always more alive and like myself while traveling. I wanted to step foot on every continent. It was an escape from work, an escape from the shallow and non committal romantic relationships of my late 20’s and early 30’s. Make no mistake I wanted the commitment. I wanted… I was desperate to be seen and loved and in some ways maybe I thought I would be cooler and more desirable as a girl who traveled. I had always been told, “You’re the girl guys marry.” But no one I liked would seriously date me. Tried as I might to be the “cool girl” the patriarchal society forced down your throat- I was NOT in fact a cool girl. I craved safety and love. I craved commitment. A relationship where I am dating you and only you. So crazy right?

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You’ve always been worth it

“We don’t heal first and love later. We heal in love. Through love. Around love. In the presence of people who are safe enough, stable enough, willing enough to walk with us through the hard stuff.” -

My therapist told me the same thing. That a lot of my healing would come in relationship. You will always have triggers, but the real healing happens when you’re with someone safe enough to heal with.

What I’ve been up to

I missed last week and I am very sorry and have a very human response to why. Life. I have been struggling the last 6 weeks or so with extreme fatigue, brain fog, dizziness, shortness of breath. Now I am lucky to have as a best friend. If you aren’t following her and you’re a mom, I don’t know what to say other than “what part of the internet have you been living under because shes such a badass. She is a brilliant nurse practitioner, writer and mother-but started her own Telehealth business specializing in hormone health. She ran my labs and I should have know my anemia was flaring again. My body is thoroughly depleted of iron and while its great having an answer, I’m still struggling physically. Masking my way through work and then zoning out at home because my brain and body are too tired to process more input.

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One has haunted me, always lingering but eventually straying further and further on the edges of my mind. It was a day to mark.

A day to survive.

A day to get through.

A day of, “I’m sorry, just one of those days. I shouldn’t have snapped… a lot on my mind.”

A day of, “always thinking about you, but especially today. Sending extra hugs today. He would be so proud of you.”

The other, caught me by surprise last year.

In fact I really didn’t believe Hallí when told me, not until he came with the receipts, “babe, our first date was March 28th. That’s the day I met you.”

How had this happened? Have I dishonored Nic’s memory? What the hell did I do? And then things started coming back to me.

A message on Hinge, sitting on my couch, willing the day to pass. I had already made it through the night which was always the hardest. What could it hurt? “My friend is singing Jazz at the Drake if you’d like to meet me for a drink?”

I missed Nashville, I missed live music. This guy seemed really kind. Nic’s voice in my head, “I’m not the guy I would pick for you. You deserve more than me.”

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Me too.

Have you ever been broken up with?

Did you ever feel like “I did everything right?” I wasn’t dramatic, I didn’t ask why I didn’t get a text from them in a day. I under stood they just needed space. It’s ok, they didn’t remember my birthday or celebrate my wins. I didn’t make waves, I brought them cookies, I took care of things, I was reliable. I cared for their kid, I watched their dog while they were on tour… I spread myself thin and gave, and gave…and gave.

Have you ever been broken up with and heard that little voice in your head ask, “what am I now? What do I fill my time with now? Who am I? I liked doing other things before- what were those things again?”

I know my story isn’t unique here. But maybe someone else needs to go down this train of thought with me.

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If you have ever doubted yourself in love, I want you to think about the cosmic timing theory.

I found this on instagram- posted by @tearsofthe.soul:

“the universe never rushes. It will keep two should apart- sometimes for years- until the exact moment they’re ready to meet. And when they finally collide, the timing will feel too perfect to be random. Like every heart break, every lonely night, every goodbye you swore you wouldn’t survive was quietly arranging this meeting. Because if even one chapter had changed- if you had turned left instead of right, if they had stayed instead of leaving- your stories might never have intertwined.

The universe waits. It watches you grow. It watches you fall apart. It waits until your heart can finally recognize the other. And when the moment comes, you’ll realize- it never was a delay. It was never you aren’t worthy. It was preparation.

Everything you lost, everything you thought was wasted time was the universe carving space for the person who was always meant to arrive.”

What I’ve been up to

My brother and sister in law blessed me with the most perfect nephew ever. He was born with a club foot and just started his casting journey. My sister in law being the sewing wiz she is- has been busy augmenting some of his pants and footie pajamas to accommodate his cast.

See? Seriously perfect.

Lately, I’ve been loving

Chicago has been going all hot and cold quicker than your ex.

CeraVe Intensive Moisturizing lotion- my skin feels so nourished. This has 5% urea which not only pulls moisture to it but also helps exfoliate dry skin cells.

CeraVe Hydrating Foaming Oil Cleanser- this has quickly shoved expensive Sephora and medical grade cleansers to the side for me. Its hydrating without being oily, does a great job removing make up and doesn’t strip your skin.

SKIMS Fits Everybody Unlined Demi Bra- I wanted to hate it but its literally the most comfortable bra I’ve ever put on my body. I could sleep in it. And ITS ON SALE! About $20 cheaper than what I bought it so I’m getting it in other colors.

SKIMS Fits Everybody Lace Scoop Bralette- ALSO ON SALE, originally $74 now $51 for a 2 pack. These are so soft and so cute even for a large breast. Matching underwear here.

What’s been on my mind?

The Taylor Frankie Paul Bachelorette drama has been so consuming. I have more thoughts but you can read my initial thoughts here.

My friends at Love to See It, Claire Fallon and Emma Gray did a really thoughtful and superb recap on their podcast as well as my friend Rachel Lindsay on the Bachelor Party podcast record live as the news dropped. Both were incredible, honest and thoughtful listens that deserve to be heard.

In case you missed it

Catch ya’ll next week!

ABC just pulled the plug on Taylor Frankie Paul’s season of the Bachelorette.

The season has been filmed, edited and cast lives uprooted and forever changed.

This never should have happened. Taylor Frankie Paul never should have been cast as the Bachelorette.

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You are the bravest when you choose yourself, without an audience. When you walk into a room alone not because no one would come, but because you trusted that your own voice was enough to guide you.

There is a particular kind of courage in doing things solo, in not waiting for permission or a crowd to validate the moment - in realizing that your instincts are worth listening to and that you don't need anyone else in the room to know what feels right.

You are the bravest when you stop performing and start feeling. When you let yourself wander, wonder, and simply be, and discover that your own company is not just enough, it's exactly what you needed all along.

What I’ve Been Up To

You may be wondering what inspired the note to you above, but I went solo wedding dress shopping and it actually ended up being an incredible experience that I wrote about here.

Lately, I’ve Been Loving

CeraVe Intensive Moisturizing Lotion - The winter and lack of sunshine is getting to me, but this is helping my skin!

Dreamegg Sunrise 1 Alarm Clock - My under $60 alarm clock with customizable sleep routines, dimmable night light and 29 soothing sounds

Chronicle Books One Line a Day: A 5-Year Memory Hardcover Journal - a simple journal that you can always make time for daily with just one line a day

Kat the Label Bridal Sets has the most stunning bridal sets for getting ready. I’ll be doing a full post on these!

What’s On My Mind

Over on Instagram I shared what is literally the easiest makeup routine.

I've talked about this before. But this is the quickest and easiest way that I do my makeup. We take our flawless filter, dribble bit of that on the back of my hand.

I take my Alastin sunscreen (this makes sure you make SPF a part of your routine) and pump on that.

I’ll get my little dab and we mix the two together.

We put it all over our face because for SPF this is the best way to protect your skin from wrinkles and sun damage. If you're investing in things like tox and filler, why are you not protecting your investment?

Today is going to be really quick. I just do little bit of brow with my favorite airbrow. And the tubing mascara which is is safe for my lashes and it makes them SO long

In Case You Missed It

I never really thought of this as an option. I thought it was just always done with your best friends.

The thing is, my bridal party is all over the country and that’s not really an option for me. It’s a lot of coordinating of schedules and travel to get everyone in the same place.

That and I am so excited about the dress. THE DRESS!

I have seen the work of so many designers that do things differently and have an appreciation for all of them. I want to try on all their dresses and I’m convinced I can’t make a choice until I know I’ve tried on everything I’m drawn to.

That sounds insane as I write it, but how will I know what bridal vision actually looks right on me?

So the insanity reigns supreme.

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The courage it takes to open your heart again after it has been shattered is one of the most heroic things a person can do. I’m proud of you, you are doing it.

You carried your younger self tenderly through every hard season and now your younger self will get to watch you step into the love she always deserved.

What I’ve Been Up To

I tried on dresses and it was an emotional experience. As you know, it wasn’t my first time trying on dresses as an almost bride. I shared more about that here earlier this week.

Also excited to share that I’ll be traveling to Iceland in just a month to meet with a wedding planner! For those of you who have done a destination wedding, would love for you to share those with us in the comments.

Lately, I’ve Been Loving

Nars Blush - Shade Never Enough - it’s a matte peachy rose

Figs Jacket - this is the one you may have noticed in my day in the life video the other day

Birkenstocks - thinking about warmer days when I can wear these again. I wore them on my trip to Italy. They’re comfortable but you’re going to want to break them in before traveling!

Free People Jeans - I definitely could have sized down but obsessed with how long they were!

What’s On My Mind

I've been sitting with so much gratitude lately. Not just in my relationship, but in thinking about the women in my life - the ones who loved every broken and becoming version of me without hesitation.

As I get closer to asking them to stand beside me on one of the most important days of my life, I keep thinking that this moment isn't just about a wedding party. It's an acknowledgment of the marriage that my best friends and I are already been in, the commitment we made to each other and I can't imagine celebrating the next chapter without them.

In Case You Missed It

My late fiancé and I were set to move to Nashville in March, 2011. I really wanted to have the experience of trying on wedding gowns with my mom before we moved.

I was 25 years old - a baby. I thought I had things figured out. I had been working in the NICU, saving lives for 4 years and had a new job lined up in Nashville.

The move date was set. A wedding date wasn’t a thought, but I knew I wanted to try on dresses with my mom before I moved.

Hindsight is 20/20. Knowing what I know now, Nic wasn’t going to be with us much longer.

It’s difficult.

There’s a part of me who would jump into a time machine and tell younger me to wait. That something life altering was coming.

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For when you think you’re too hard to love. Remember this - all those times you experienced losing love again and again, you’re friends were there for you. When you realize that if your friends can love all versions of you this hard you are not too hard to love.

What I’ve Been Up To

Wedding dress shopping! Had a girls weekend last weekend and it was such a success! I definitely found my wedding gown shape and I still find myself saying EEEK I’m a bride.

Can’t wait to share with y’all about how I landed on the wedding gown shape. Let me know what questions you have and if you’re in the process too, I want to know how wedding dress shopping has gone for you!

Lately, I’ve Been Loving

I stopped by Sephora this past weekend and it reminded me of all the re-stocks that I need to share with y’all. I’m loyal to re-purchasing items so sometimes you may see me talk about the same item time and time again, but that’s because when something is good, it’s GOOD!

Hoka Sneakers - I wear these for work!

Charlotte Tilbury Flawless Setting Powder - I wear Shade 2 Medium

Dr. Idriss Barrier Baste Lip Blasting Duo - Exfoliates and hydrates. Don’t sleep on exfoliating!

Westman Atelier Contour Stick - I wear shade Biscuit

Owala Smooth Sip Slider - For my morning matcha!

What’s On My Mind

The selfishness of Kash Patel inserting himself into the hockey room and making it political takes away from the core messaging of the Olympics, which is bringing people of different backgrounds and beliefs together for two weeks. But it’s not all on him.

The men’s team was completely on board. Meanwhile, the women’s team has been dominating hockey longer.

Proud of the women’s hockey team because men could never do it all.

In Case You Missed It

That is until now, obviously.

This year, Mr. Planner over here had reminders set in his phone to make dinner reservations and had a beautiful bouquet of flowers ready for me.

Ready for the same girl who sat there in middle and high school wishing for a flower delivery in class. You remember those, red for love, yellow for friendship.

In high school, one of my friends only bought flowers for her friends.

That being the only time I ever received flowers on Valentine’s Day.

It’s such a simple act that has stuck with me.

Women have always been the higher achievers when it comes to telling eachother, well other women specifically, how we feel about them.

“Hi, I see you, I love you.” Hell, we make friends in club bathrooms.

“That dress is insane! You’re radiant!”

“Hey does anyone in here have a tampon??” “Girl, I got you!” From the next stall over.

Sometimes… I feel sad for men. Well certain men that are missing out on that ability to actually connect with people. Men don’t have girlhood. And yeah, I think that’s sad.

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“For a lot of people, finding love after forty is the first time they can love without losing themselves. You’re not too old. You’re finally clear on who you are.” - Jillian Turecki

Happy Belated Valentine’s Day! I started yell singing Paper Rings by Taylor Swift at Hal approximately 4 months before he proposed…without a paper ring.

Don’t give up on love, and don’t give up on Hinge.

What I’ve Been Up To

This has been one of those weeks where I am reminded how much I absolute love what I do working as a Nurse Injector. I’ve always been proud of my nursing career and I’ve always known it was a calling, something that I was good at, but sometimes you just have those weeks where you’re just like OMG - this is incredible!

Career pivots can be difficult in your 30s, but you never know what doors they open up to lead you to opportunities you didn’t expect.

Also - next week I’m going to be doing an Ask Me Anything post so if you have any questions about anything wedding drop them in the comments so that I make sure they get answered!

The last AMA we did was on nursing and covers everything from the early days in the NICU to advice if you’re currently in nursing school.

Lately, I’ve Been Loving

Free People Fleece Jacket - perfect for running around the city

Osea Body Oil - I reorder this constantly- perfect in the shower before you dry off

Tarte XL Tubing Mascara - Just ran out, will re-purchase. Makes your lashes look insanely long

Gradual Tanning Moisturizer - Great for the midwest girlies feeling hella pale

You Are the Bravest

Your path doesn’t have to be linear. It doesn’t have to look like everyone else’s path. And for those moments when it does look like everyone has a linear path, please remember you’re not alone. So many of us have windy paths, but at the end of the day as long as you choose yourself, to love yourself, that windy path is going to lead you to some amazing places that are beyond what you expected.

The Latest in The Bravest Gentle Things

I’m aging naturally.

I’m aging gracefully.

Listen, I have heard it all. Everyone who ends up in my chair is asking what they can do to look more like themselves.

There’s this insane aging thing that happens a few times throughout our lives where we wake up and don’t really recognize the person in the mirror. It has actually been documented.

The first time is in your mid to late 30’s. Collagen production drops off and fat pads start to shrink.

The next is mid 40’s / early 50’s when our faces start to drastically age due to hormone shifts with perimenopause and menopausal symptoms.

There is more significant collagen loss, skin texture changes, more wrinkles, skin laxity.

This means some science and a lot of unrealistic beauty standards for women to maintain.

I say this as someone who works in the industry. Injectable and laser treatments are incredible, but it is still a big investment (we will talk injectables at a later time).

I realize a lot of people post their favorite skincare and products they “currently” are using, but I what I can tell you is why certain products are more beneficial for your skin concerns and what things will actually help give you the results you’re looking for.

What I’m going to teach you today though are the very best things you can use skin care wise.

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