I thought Eyimofe was a beautiful film. It is touching, complex, and remarkably restrained. At its heart is an attempt to understand poverty, not simply as a lack of money, but as a condition that shapes the possibilities of a person’s life. And maybe that is why the film feels so deeply human: when you examine what it means to live in poverty, you inevitably end up examining what it means to be human.

The film is stripped down almost to its bones. There is very little ornamental sound design, the cinematography is gorgeous without calling attention to itself, and the production design makes the world feel lived-in rather than constructed. Everything seems to exist in service of the story. Even the pacing feels deliberate. I paused the film several times to do other things, yet somehow never felt as though I had left it. The world of these characters remained with me. Their realities were so immediate, and at times so painful, that pausing the film occasionally felt less like a distraction and more like needing to step outside for air.

There is no grandstanding here. No melodrama designed to wring sympathy from the audience. No exaggerated suffering for our consumption. Eyimofe does not turn poverty into spectacle. It simply shows us people living inside it.

We meet Mofe, the film’s quiet centre, a man who seems to be capable of fixing almost anything. He fixes the junction box at work, repairs his nephew’s tennis bat, gets his sister’s television working, and eventually attempts to fix the larger, more complicated problem of their lives. His stoicism becomes the emotional language of his story. The film rarely tells us what Mofe is feeling. Instead, we understand the weight of things through the people around him. (I thought that was remarkable storytelling. “Show, don’t tell” at its finest.)

When he finally gets his international passport, we understand its significance through the excitement of his sister and colleagues. When tragedy strikes, it is the trembling voices and devastated faces of his neighbours that tell us just how much has been lost. Mofe himself remains remarkably contained. The camera stays with him, almost voyeuristically, as though we have simply wandered into his life and are watching it unfold without permission to intervene.

There is something particularly affecting about that choice. The film refuses to explain Mofe to us. It trusts us to observe him.

Rosa, by contrast, is more expressive. She is louder, more assertive, and more openly determined to change her circumstances. Her part of the film feels brighter and more animated: there is more music, more laughter, more movement and colour. But the energy never manages to drown out what sits underneath it. Poverty is always there, quietly shaping her choices and narrowing her possibilities.

And eventually, like Mofe, Rosa discovers that wanting something badly does not necessarily bring you closer to having it.

The dreams both characters build begin to unravel. Circumstances change. New decisions have to be made. They are forced to adjust themselves to realities they never asked for. Then, almost without ceremony, a door closes. The screen goes dark. And suddenly, the film is over.

It is an ending that feels almost jarring in its abruptness, until you realise that this is precisely the point.

Eyimofe is a film about the anticlimax of survival.

It is so understated that, at first, you might miss the extent to which these lives are difficult. Nothing announces itself as catastrophe. There are no constant reminders that these people are poor. Instead, their hardship accumulates in small, almost ordinary ways: a bureaucratic obstacle here, an unexpected expense there, a broken appliance, a difficult journey, an unreasonable relative, a dream that requires more money than they have, a system that seems designed to make every ordinary thing unnecessarily difficult.

And that is where the film becomes painfully familiar.

It captures that particular experience of Nigeria happening to you.

Not always through some spectacular tragedy, but through the accumulation of tiny frustrations that slowly become the architecture of your life. The failed systems you learn to navigate because you have no choice. The bureaucracy. The scarcity. The indignities. The constant improvisation required simply to keep moving. And, perhaps most cruelly, the structures that make leaving difficult even when leaving feels like the only way to imagine a different future.

The film is ostensibly about the desire to japa, but the dream of leaving never completely overwhelms the story. It hangs over everything like a distant possibility. What occupies the foreground is more important: why do these people want to leave in the first place?

You never feel the desperation, but you become one with the despair.

What kind of life makes departure feel like salvation?

That question gives the film much of its emotional power. Because poverty is not simply something the characters experience. It is something that gradually limits the shape of their lives. It gets into their decisions, their relationships, their ambitions. It can make freedom feel perpetually just beyond reach.

And yet, somehow, they keep going.

That might be the most Nigerian thing about Eyimofe. Its characters are not particularly heroic. They are not constantly fighting against their circumstances in some triumphant, cinematic way. Sometimes they accept what has happened. Sometimes they are disappointed. Sometimes they are forced to begin again. Their hopes diminish, their plans change, and their optimism becomes more cautious.

But they continue.

There is something heartbreaking about that endurance. Not because it is extraordinary, but because it is so ordinary. So many people learn to live this way: to absorb disappointment without surrendering completely to it, to make another plan after the first one fails, to keep working even when the reward seems increasingly uncertain.

For anyone living in Nigeria who has ever entertained the possibility of leaving, Eyimofe carries an uncomfortable question beneath its story: what if this is also your life? What if your carefully constructed plans fall apart too?

And perhaps the answer is the same one we give ourselves every day.

We shrug.

We adjust.

We find another way.

And tomorrow, somehow, we keep hustling.

Because what could be more Nigerian than that?

I also loved the pacing. The film takes its time without ever feeling unnecessarily slow, allowing events to unfold with the same frustrating ordinariness that defines the characters’ lives. Nothing feels rushed simply to give us a satisfying resolution. There is no neatness where real life would offer none.

And perhaps that is what stayed with me most: Eyimofe does not ask us to pity its characters. It asks us to see them.

To see how much life can be contained within an ordinary day. To see how poverty can be both devastating and mundane. To see people whose lives are harder than they should be, who deserve more than the circumstances they have inherited, and who nevertheless find reasons to laugh, to hope, to make plans, and to wake up the next morning.

It is a quiet film about difficult lives, and somehow, in its refusal to look away, it becomes profoundly moving.

Interestingly, this wasn't one of my best years yet because things were perfect; far from it. The highs were exhilarating and the lows were crushing, but 2025 was amazing was because of the progress I made with my internal environment. Let me give you some context:

I fell ill more times this year than probably all the years of my life combined, and it was not fun at all. But through everything that happened, my joy remained mostly unaffected.

It was surprising, even to me, the rate at which I moved on from things, especially in the second half of the year. A bad incident didn’t spiral into a bad day as often anymore. If I encountered a setback, I would think about the situation, pick my lessons from it to aid future decision-making, and just keep moving.

This internal resilience was fueled by a newfound clarity. I’ve always been pretty resilient but I see my future life so clearly and vividly now that my day-to-day challenges feel fleeting and inconsequential. The advantage of such a strong vision is that it helped me stay more disciplined with my goals. I improved on my routines, better understood what worked for me in terms of my energy cycles, and even came closer to having boundless energy this year.

Another thing that made my year great was my theme: Audacity.

Audacity was the filter through which I made a lot of decisions. I did a lot of crazy things and I have the best stories solely because I dared to do things I otherwise might not have. I asked for things, I pitched people, I took chances—and more often than not, I got a yes. Being audacious was deeply rewarding, and I highly recommend it.

Beyond the internal shifts, I stepped into a new level of responsibility that made 2025 feel like my first true year of adulthood. I’ve always had a mature mind, even as a teenager, but this was the year I gained a much deeper understanding of my personal agency. I moved past just having the capacity for maturity and actually took charge of it. There is a specific kind of power in realizing that you aren't just a passenger in your own life, and I fully embraced the ownership of being the person in the driver's seat. In many ways, this was a side effect of being audacious. Because I was making bolder choices, I had to be fully prepared to own the outcomes. I made every decision this year with that weight of ownership behind it, taking complete responsibility for the life I was creating.

As I leaned into this, I watched my personality blossom. I was funnier, sunnier, and far more charismatic; my presence lit up rooms(something entirely new and magical for me). I also reached a point where I cared so much less about other people’s opinions. I was unencumbered by that weight and expressed myself joyfully, simply letting my true self show without hesitation.

I learnt so much about myself and the world around me this year. With every new piece of knowledge, I see my life’s trajectory unfolding before me as a beautiful, complex, chaotic journey. It feels like I’m watching my life unfold and influencing parts of it at the same time, and it fills me with an unexplainable but thoroughly profound enjoyable sense of wonder about myself and the world around me. I wish you could feel the wonder I feel, it feels so tangible I can almost touch and taste it; it colors my every day.

I made a point to romanticize every aspect of my life this year. I found joy in the small, vivid moments: from taking romantic walks in the rain to blasting Igbo highlife while my best friend braided my damp hair on a cool evening. I felt so loved this year, from all angles. My joy was intact, and so was my wonder.

Every year, you learn more about yourself and the world, and that process is exciting for me. I’m so excited to see how my story keeps unfolding, and I am more settled in the fact that even obstacles are merely a part of the tale.

I don’t even have the words for it, but this is quite possibly the best year of my life so far. I loved 2025, and the only emotion I feel going into 2026 is overwhelming gratitude for this beautiful life.

10/10, no notes. I wouldn’t change a single thing.

Tell me, how have you been?

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I have another question for you:

When was the last time you sat in silence—truly disconnected from the noise of the world?

No phone. No pings. No notifications. Just you and your thoughts.

For many of us, that’s a hard question to answer.

We’ve grown used to the constant hum of technology in the background. It’s there when we wake up, follows us through our days, and lingers late into the night. We swipe, scroll, and refresh, searching for something—connection, information, entertainment—but often leaving with nothing except the gnawing feeling that we’ve wasted hours.

It’s a strange paradox. The digital world gives us endless opportunities, yet it robs us of our most precious resource: attention. And the price of this constant connectivity is more than it seems.

The Cost of Digital Overload

We live in a time when the internet has shifted from being a tool to becoming an environment. It’s no longer something we simply use—it’s where much of life unfolds.

This isn’t inherently bad, but it comes with consequences. Short-form content, constant updates, and infinite scrolling have trained us to expect quick hits of dopamine, leaving our brains restless and impatient. We want more, faster. We’ve become consumers of snippets—of summaries and soundbites—rarely engaging deeply with anything.

Here’s the problem: When you only skim the surface, you never get to the root of things.

In this environment, critical thinking erodes. It's easier than ever for misinformation to spread because few people stop to question or verify what they’re consuming. Attention spans shrink, making it harder to read a book, focus on a task, or even sit with a complex thought.

The truth is, this digital overload is not accidental. Many platforms profit from your distraction. They are designed to keep you hooked, to turn your attention into revenue. And unless we’re intentional, we’ll spend our lives feeding an ecosystem that doesn’t care about our well-being.

A Personal Rebellion

So, what’s the alternative?

For me, it begins with a rebellion—a quiet, personal resistance against the tide of mindless consumption.

In 2022, I started to get really restless with how I interacted with the internet. I had a great social life, was active on a couple of select platforms, and had already established my personal protocol on what things to share on social media.

However, I noticed I had fallen into a spiral I did not like. I was scrolling a lot more and felt more dissatisfied after scrolling. I stopped taking the social media breaks I used to before because I felt I had to be on social media constantly. I also found myself starting to compulsively open social media apps throughout the day.

It struck me as an addiction of sorts, and so I decided to make changes.

This isn’t about rejecting technology altogether. It’s about using it with purpose.

Here are some key changes and mindset shifts that enabled me to use the internet more intentionally.

1. Disengage with the idea that social media is ubiquitous.

It’s easy to believe that social media is an essential part of your life, to the point where it feels impossible to imagine life without it. I’m not asking you to abandon social media entirely; I’m asking you to take a step back and critically examine how useful it really is to you.

Ask yourself: Why am I using this app, and what does it add to my life? Your answer doesn’t have to be perfect. Maybe you use a certain app to entertain yourself—and that’s okay. Enjoyment is an important part of life, but balance is key.

The point is, once you take the time to examine what each app brings to your life, you start to see what’s truly necessary and what’s not.

For me, WhatsApp was one of the first apps I realized wasn’t as essential as it seemed. I realized I didn’t need to be constantly available. So, I made a big change: I turned off all notifications for WhatsApp and created “office hours” for myself—dedicated times when I would catch up on everything I’d missed throughout the day.

At first, some of my relationships took a hit. But over time, I found other ways to stay in touch with the people who matter most to me. Once I saw how well this approach worked, I turned off notifications for all my other apps too.

Social media isn’t as important as you think. Don’t let the pressure to stay online keep you from stopping to ask: Does this app actually add value to my life?

2. Create boundaries around your time/life.

Once you’ve determined which apps add value to your life, the next step is deciding how you want to use them. Even beneficial things can become harmful when consumed in excess. Take the time to evaluate how much time on certain social media platforms is optimal for you to gain the benefits you’re seeking.

For example, if you use TikTok for your business, how much time is enough to achieve your goals? If you scroll to relieve stress, how long does it take before the activity becomes counterproductive? At what point does the law of diminishing returns kick in for you?

Even if you choose to keep certain apps in your life, consciously deciding exactly how much time you want to spend on them is incredibly empowering. It transforms the activity itself into a more intentional and satisfying experience.

For instance, if you decide to scroll TikTok for 20 minutes to relax, you’ll enjoy the activity more and feel a sense of accomplishment when you close the app to move on to something else.

Ultimately, the goal is to shift from mindless scrolling to intentional use. When you set clear boundaries and decide how you want to engage with social media, you regain control over your time and attention. It’s not about restriction—it’s about aligning your actions with what truly matters to you.

3. Enrich your life. Add; don’t just subtract.

It’s hard to reduce social media use by simply trying to cut back drastically on the time you spend on it. It’s like going on an overly strict diet—it’s not sustainable. As creatures of habit, our brains naturally start craving the very thing we’re trying to avoid.

The solution? Add; don’t just subtract. Many of us scroll through social media to avoid boredom. If you truly want to cut down on your usage, you need to find fulfilling alternatives to occupy that downtime.

Actively explore analogue hobbies. It could be reading, creative writing, gardening, painting, or even fitness. Take more walks, pick up a musical instrument, or dive into learning a new skill. These activities aren’t just distractions; they’re investments in your well-being. Over time, you’ll find they bring far more joy and meaning than the fleeting satisfaction of scrolling ever could.

By adding more value-driven activities into your life, you naturally crowd out the time and energy spent on social media, making the transition feel less forced and more intentional.

Digital Minimalism

Digital Minimalism by Cal Newport captures this mindset perfectly. I read the book late last year, and in it, Newport doesn’t advocate for abandoning the digital world; instead, he urges us to redefine our relationship with it.

Here are some insights from his philosophy that resonated deeply with me:

1. Audit Your Digital Life
   Spend 30 days stepping back from nonessential technology. This isn’t just about cutting things out but evaluating what truly adds value to your life. After the detox, reintroduce tools selectively, ensuring each one aligns with your goals and values.

2. Replace Passive Consumption with Active Living
   When you step away from constant scrolling, you create space for activities that enrich your life. Maybe it’s finally picking up that book you’ve been meaning to read or rediscovering a hobby you abandoned.

3. Create Boundaries for Technology
   Define clear rules for when and how you use devices. For instance, Newport suggests leaving your phone in another room during meals or setting strict time limits for social media.

4. Embrace Solitude
   We often fear being alone with our thoughts, but Newport argues that solitude is essential for creativity, clarity, and self-awareness. Spend time disconnected, letting your mind wander without distractions.

Intentional Living in a Digital World

Living intentionally isn’t just about big decisions—it’s in the tiny, everyday choices. It’s deciding to read the full article instead of the headline. It’s pausing before you post something online, asking yourself why you’re sharing it. It’s turning off notifications because you refuse to let apps dictate your time.

It’s in choosing to slow down when the world demands speed. It’s in thinking deeply when everyone else skims. It’s in prioritising meaning over mindless distraction.

This isn’t easy. The digital world moves fast, and it’s designed to pull you along with it. But the moments of clarity, focus, and meaning you gain make the effort worthwhile.

If you’ve ever felt overwhelmed by the noise, I invite you to step back and reassess how you engage with the digital world. What truly adds value to your life? What’s just noise?

So, the next time you’re tempted to reach for your phone, pause. Consider what you’re trading your time and attention for.

Because in a world designed to distract you, focus is a superpower.

Let this be your reminder: You don’t have to live on autopilot. You can choose intention.

Final Thoughts

So here’s my challenge to you: Read something lengthy this week. It doesn’t have to be Digital Minimalism (though I highly recommend it). Engage with the ideas. Challenge them. And most importantly, let them challenge you.

Because in a world full of noise, intentional living is the ultimate act of rebellion.

Until next time, Shine bright.

Love, Adedolapo.

The phrase, "Valar Morghulis," originates from the series Game of Thrones, and it simply means "All men must die." I chose this as the title of this newsletter in the hope that it would serve as the silver lining, the lighthearted part of a heavy subject.

Many people fear death, but not me. I made peace with the concept of my own mortality a long time ago. It’s the concept of the mortality of other people that truly unsettles me.

And that makes sense because grief is practically the only emotion that lacks any form of conformity in terms of expression.

Think about it. Universally, regardless of culture, everyone smiles or laughs when they're happy and puts on a visibly sad expression when they feel low. Children learn these responses by watching other people around them. Beyond that, it occurs naturally for a child to smile when pleased and cry when displeased.

Grief, however, is an emotion that we, as citizens of planet Earth, are ill-equipped and clueless to handle. Grief is like a complex, uncharted maze in the heart where emotions get lost, tangled, and sometimes emerge as unrecognizable shadows.

Different cultures have developed unique rituals to mourn their departed, resulting in a kaleidoscope of cultural expressions, from gentle and passionate to bizarre and haunting.

The bottom line, however, is that when it comes to individual expressions of grief, responses are so wildly varied. Some people respond with unsettling calm, some refuse to be consoled and scream at the top of their lungs, some are so shaken up that they lose their minds, and some quietly give up their will to live and are soon buried themselves.

Everyone processes grief differently, and there really isn't one way to grieve, even if the same person is experiencing grief at different times. However, considering the fact that as we grow older, death will hit closer and closer to each and every one of us, it is an important thing to discuss and try to make sense of. 

As we age, death draws nearer, affecting not only parents, associates, lovers, close friends, and siblings but all of humanity. For every person we grieve for, a part of our own selves withers and fades.

My first experience with grief happened earlier this year. Before that, I had merely heard of people losing loved ones and relatives and feeling helpless when they spoke about their grief. I was always so lost as to how to even begin to comfort them.

I still cannot make sense of the concept entirely, but this newsletter is my attempt at putting down my thoughts on the subject. Let's get into it.

The Death.

In all cases of death, an essential bodily function ceases, and just like that, the person's essence can no longer dwell on Earth. Whether it's due to an accident or a prolonged illness, death occurs suddenly and all at once. One second, they're here. The next second, they're gone forever.

In the blink of an eye, they vanish from this world, like a candle extinguished by a gust of wind.

This is the first concept related to the subject that absolutely boggles the mind. You will NEVER see them again. You will never hear them speak again. You will never hear them laugh again.

Gaining full comprehension of this concept of the finality of death is the universal beginning of grief.

After the finality sets in, disbelief and denial stroll in and take a seat. They blatantly deny that any such thing has happened, selling you the dream that this person is not truly gone. You believe them, but they leave just as noiselessly as they entered, fleeing at the mere scent of Almighty Reality.

The Burial.

Reality is what steps in when you see your beloved one in a ditch in the ground or on a stake, about to be 'disposed of'. As sand is poured on them, or fire is set to them, they merely remain there. They do not yell, "I'm not dead!" like disbelief and denial convinced you they would. They simply lay there because they're unable to do otherwise.

For a moment, you consider grabbing them and jolting them awake, finally putting an end to this nightmare. You close your eyes and imagine the journey home. You imagine how you'll help them dust the sand off their bodies. You imagine the meal you'll make for them once you're both back home. For a minute, you can feel the warm mug in your hands as you both laugh about the sordid adventure that you recently underwent. Someone taps you, your eyes fly open, and you're suddenly back to the horrible scene. Still under the influence of denial and disbelief, you pinch yourself. But nope, you are not dreaming. This is not a drill; this is real.

It's like you're stuck in a vivid, recurring nightmare where you keep hoping to wake up, but each time you open your eyes, the horror remains.

The Morning After.

As the morning light seeps through your window, you jolt awake( if you managed to get any sleep at all) , the events of the previous day rushing in like a relentless tide, each moment etched in excruciating detail.  Before you can even swing your feet off the bed, each moment is vividly replayed, even including moments you don't remember seeing. It's all there, though, and you have to decide what to do with it.

You haven't even finished that thought when the pain strikes you in the gut, registering again that this person is indeed gone forever. The pain lifts slightly, completely occluding your throat, leaving you gasping for breath as it moves and erupts via your mouth as a sound that you don't even realize is coming from you. It lasts for what seems like an eternity, and when it has finally lifted, in its place is a void in the shape of the person you once held dear, an emptiness that you know nothing can really fill.

The void remains, a scar etched into your very being, but you learn to grow around it, like a tree enveloping a boulder in its roots.

The Long Goodbye.

On the subject of grief, there's the long goodbye, which is arguably the worst of it all. It is where the person you know and love slowly slips away over time and gets reduced to a mere body that bears physical semblance to the person you love.

It's like watching a beloved painting fade, losing its vibrant colors, and becoming a faint, distant memory of what it once was. 

Their smiles and quirks, once vibrant, now dulled by pain or forgetfulness. You hold onto hope that they'll find their way back to you, but that journey remains elusive, and the ache persists as more fragments of their essence slip through your fingers.

 As the end draws near, you begin to make peace with the likelihood that certain moments will never return – the heated debates, the affectionate gestures, the independence that defined them. You prepare yourself for the possibility that they might forget even your name.

In those last days, still, hope sneaks in and sets fire to the shreds of peace you have begun to piece together. It whispers sweet lies, lies you ache to believe. In those moments, you feel an intense desire to go on as though everything was normal, to do the things you always used to do with them. When that abates, you feel the need to hold on, in some way to what is left.

And when that desire wanes, the need to grasp at whatever fragments remain takes over.

Even in their diminished state, you'd hold onto them with all you have, pleading, 'I'll accept them as they are, just don't snatch them away from me. But alas, even that is not enough to keep them off the path of decline. Death calls, and they must answer. They must wave goodbye.

 Valar Morghulis- All men must die.

P.S: On the morning that I finally finished this newsletter, my grandma passed.

When I heard the news, my first reaction was unperturbed, unsurprised, chill even. The news bearer repeated it to be sure I heard what they said, and I said yes and ended the call.

Shortly after the call ended, I felt an inexplicable need to do push-ups, so I dropped to the floor in the center of my room, surrounded by my still-sleeping roommates, and started to push myself up with my arms. 1, 2, 3, 4, 10, 15, I kept going until my strength failed me.

Then, as if on autopilot, I packed my clothes and took them to wash, a task I'd neglected for a week. It was then, palms throbbing and covered in soap suds, that the tears came.

Rest in Peace, Margaret Molly Akogun. You will be dearly missed, but your memory will be forever cherished.

If you have experienced grief in any form, I hope that the words in this newsletter help you feel seen, understood, and perhaps offer a glimmer of solace. Grief is a complex journey, and navigating its winding path can be isolating and overwhelming. It's a terrain where words often fall short, and emotions run deep.

In sharing these thoughts and experiences, my intention is not only to convey my own process but to create a space where you can relate, reflect, and find comfort in the shared human experience of grief. Whether you've recently lost a loved one, are still grappling with a loss from the past, or are supporting someone through their journey of grief, know that you are not alone.

Grief is a universal language spoken in the silent echoes of memories, the tears that flow, and the love that remains. And in this language, you are seen and heard. You are not alone on this path; others have walked it before you, and others will walk it after. Your grief is valid, and your journey is unique.

May these words be a small offering of companionship and understanding on your road to healing, as we explore the intricate and often turbulent landscapes of grief together.

Always know that I’m rooting for you so until next time, shine bright.

Love, Adedolapo.

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Today is about to be another impactful session and it will be on YouTube Live this time.

Here’s your link to join the meeting: Join Penscape Day TWO

Our first session for today will be taught by a multiple national and international award-winning essayist, who will be sharing a comprehensive list of tips and tricks on essay writing.

Inioluwa Joshua- A Masterclass in Essay Writing

Again, here’s the link to join in.

Join Penscape Day TWO

Here’s your link to join the meeting: Join Penscape Day ONE

Today, we will be having two seasoned writers speak to us: Goodluck Akinlawon and Tolulope Dada.

Goodluck will be speaking on the topic: Getting Started with Writing and Developing A Consistent Writing Habit. You can take a look at her bio below:

Join Penscape Day ONE

Our second speaker for today, Tolulope Dada will be speaking on the topic: Personal Brand Writing and Writing for Social Media.

Once again, you can join the meeting by clicking on the link below. If it does not work, copy the link and paste it in your browser. Cheers!

Join Penscape Day ONE

I feel at peace and truly on the brink of a great revolution, a defining marker of my adult life. I hope that by my words, I might imbue unto you the same peace and clarity that I feel after so long.

A beautiful life. Today’s heading came to me a while ago, when I first felt the tides change. Still operating in chaos at the time, the idea of this newsletter swayed softly in my mind, like a kite in the wind, before finally settling and firmly taking root as an idea I absolutely had to execute.

It’s the right time for this idea to come to life and that is exactly what I seek to do. May the words take on a mind of their own and breathe life to you, dear reader.

In the months that made up my previous season, the question I pondered on the most was how my life should be lived. It constantly felt like I had to decide what things mattered to me and what the right path was and it always felt like an urgent decision.

It weighed on my mind in the mornings and it sometimes caused me to cry as I went to sleep at night, the thought that I was somehow making a mistake as to how to live and what mattered.

The question persists but I have some answers as well. Here are a few things I have learnt about building a beautiful life. First, let us start by defining what a beautiful life is.

A beautiful life is life lived on your terms. It’s a life of options. It’s a life lived in complete acceptance of the outcomes of your options. It’s a life lived with clarity and purpose. It is one lived with the joy of contentment and peace in the midst of hardships. It’s a life in which the voices outside do not completely confuse the one within. It’s a life full of experiences that enrich and conversations that reassure. It’s a life that blesses you with people to share your journey with. It’s a life in which you’re able to bless others with your lived experiences and wisdom. It’s a heart resistant to the wounds that sojourning through this life leaves on us all. It’s a life of ongoing healing, learning and growth.

A beautiful life is a life that leaves the world better than you met it.

1. Community

There are certain people and places that inspire the best version of you. Find them and hold on. Life can be quite difficult at times but I have found that the right people help make things easier on you. Even in the tumultous season I just emerged from, I really was blessed with the gift of people. It was people who held me up on days when I felt too weak to go on. It was people who listened to me rant and helped me find solutions when it seemed like everything was falling apart. It was people who hugged me when i had needed comfort and reassurance during a difficult time.

I can go on and on about how having the right people has been my biggest asset I’ve had.

2. Self-discovery and acceptance.

A lot is often said about self-discovery but not enough is said about self acceptance. It is one thing to know who you are and yet another thing to be accepting of, and true to who you are.

Like self-discovery, self-acceptance is also a continuous journey; a journey in which you’re identifying and accepting the things that make you you whilst still continuously improving.

We currently live in a world that encourages self-acceptance to an almost detrimental degree but I believe there is a healthy balance to be obtained. In a world full of voices constantly advertising a new life and path, knowing and accepting what works for you anchors you. The balance can be tricky to attain though and requires constant introspection.

You cannot fight who you are, but it does take courage to choose to be your authentic self.

3. Joy.

Any life devoid of joy would feel empty regardless of the achievements attained or the quality of life lived.

While it isn’t always easy however, Joy is always an option regardless of the situation. Embracing Joy can be as easy as choosing to see the silver lining in every situation. Humor is also a good way of relieving tension and making way for joy.

It’s also important to learn the right things you ought to give your time and attention to. Learning to deny certain things attention brings peace and makes it easier to be joyful.

4. Purpose

A pretty prominent hallmark of a beautiful life is Purpose. Purpose is what we live for and it’s different for every person.

Finding your purpose and trusting the process to realize it really makes your life full.

There will be challenges along the way but figuring out life and purpose one tiny step at a time is really very fulfilling.

There’s so much more that I could write one but I’ll stop here so this piece is easy to read. I might do a second part though so please leave a comment if you’d like that.

Leave a comment

In conclusion, life can be challenging, life can be tough but it can also be really beautiful.

Keep learning, keep growing, keep trusting the process. As always, I’m rooting for you.

Until next time, Shine Bright🌟

Love, Dolapo.

Welcome to my newsletter. As always, I’m excited to be writing to you. Even though the premise makes it seem unlikely, I am indeed happy to be writing to you, sharing my journey. That journey isn’t so smooth right now but at least I get to try again another day. While I hope this newsletter blesses you in some way, just writing it is a form of therapy for me.

The first quarter of 2023 is about to end and I have felt all sorts of new emotions since this year began.

It feels like some sort of mid life crisis even though I’m nowhere near the middle of my life.

I failed to acknowledge them at first but I slowly started to acknowledge then work on recognizing these emotions when they come.

I feel like I need a break from everything but life never stops completely. It’s a marathon and when you stop to catch your breath, it whooshes past you, threatening to knock you down if you don’t resume moving soon.

In a way, it makes me afraid of the future. In a future where I have more responsibilities than I do now, will I get chances to be still? How do I not get knocked down because I dared to stop and breathe?

As I type this, the answer is coming to me- I told you Writing is Therapy.

Here it goes- Although life is exhausting,(work is exhausting, relaxation and enjoyment is also exhausting) purpose makes it easier. Living for something is such an exhilarating experience. It’s what fills me with strength on the days I’m weak and keeps my eyes open on the nights they’re straining to be shut.

Even while I work on living a life of purpose, I’ll make time for rest and relaxation and keep my focus on the right things.

Working through these emotions has also helped me notice how different I am now. It’s interesting how we’re constantly changing. I randomly remembered something I did two years ago and I marvel at how different I was. I also noted that especially recently, I haven’t been growing in the direction I want.

The good news is that I can choose reinvention any day and that is my Number One goal for the 2nd quarter.

I want to revamp my habits and claim a little more control over my lifestyle. Although my current lifestyle is heavily influenced by school, to my disadvantage, I need to work even harder on molding it to my energy cycles and personal rhythm.

My relationships have also been really tested this quarter. I can’t seem to find the energy to reach out like I usually do but I don’t want to look back and regret time wasted so that’s making me anxious. That’s something I’ll look into more keenly.

Onto the good stuff for this quarter🎉

My newsletter clocked a year in the month of March!

I absolutely cannot believe that I’ve been writing this newsletter for a whole year. It feels so surreal. Thank you so much for subscribing and sticking with me. Thank you to everyone who engages and continues the conversation in the comments and in my DM.

Although my focus has shifted because my next project is here, I will infact be writing newsletters more often. They will just be taking on a new style. My newsletters will be shorter and  more conversation-style. I’m excited to see what the second year of my newsletter brings and excited to share it with you as well.

On to my big announcement!

I’m starting a nonprofit social enterprise.

It’s called Almajirize and the aim of the organization is create better lives for out of school children in Northern Nigeria. I’ll probably tell a more detailed origin story some other day but I got the instruction to start out in December 2022 and the timeline was the first quarter of 2023.

Since then, I’ve been working on it. I’ve buckled out of fear several times and even quit at some points but I’m determined to obey.  The enormity of the assignment had me in tears several nights in January but I will obey still.

So while I’m not ready to share my first article yet, I’m taking a step that will help keep me accountable and prevent me from chickening out again: I’m putting it out there.

For now, I’ll be writing articles to create awareness on the plight of Almajirai children in Nigeria. I have so much to share and my first article will be out sometime in April.

I’m inviting you to please help me birth this. Pray for me, send me encouraging notes, ask about my progress with it, follow the organization across social media, send me useful information and materials for research. I’d really appreciate it.

Here’s the first draft of the organization’s logo.

Consider this the official launch of Almajirize🎉. Cheers to little beginnings. I’m so happy to be sharing this with you.

That will be all for today’s newsletter. See you in the next one.

All my love,

Dolapo❤️

Have I ever told you my favorite part of each newsletter is the heading I choose for it? I like exercising my creative liberty with my newsletter headings.

Hello there; It has truly been a while. Welcome to my newsletter. As my title might have already given away, I didn’t think I would write this article. I had already concluded that I didn’t want to write a February recap for a number of reasons.

1. I told myself I didn’t have the time to.

2. I didn’t think I had any new knowledge to share.

3. I didn’t think there was anything worth sharing about my February. Like the past few months, I struggled in February and I didn’t want to write yet another newsletter about my struggles.

A few days ago, I had a conversation with a friend that made me have a rethink. Here’s why I decided to write this newsletter after all:

1. There is in fact a lot to share. I might have struggled this month but I also did a lot of reflecting and relearned useful things.

2. From my interactions with others, I’ve learnt that my vulnerability in my newsletters have brought hope to a number of people. It helps when you see someone talk about the same things you’re going through, the things you’re struggling with.

3. This is why I write this newsletter anyway. To share the ups and downs on the journey to a life of impact.

   Rebirth is hard. We often clutch on to the things we’ve always known, these same things that no longer serve us. We forget that the very essence of a rebirth is shedding these things like old skin. The old needs to make way for the new.

   Life is in seasons. In some seasons, we plant. In some, we tend, water and weed. In some, we harvest. In others, we prepare the seeds for the next season.

While the above example is applicable in the literal sense of things, it’s also applicable figuratively. In our lives, there are seasons and discerning those seasons is key. You shouldn’t be hunting for a harvest when you ought to be planting. And you definitely shouldn’t be harvesting when you ought to be tending.

Knowing what season you are in and acting accordingly can be the difference between thriving and just getting by.

And if there’s one thing I really dislike about life, it’s how you can be thriving one minute and the next minute, you’re flat on your face because you continued doing the things that made you thrive, albeit in a different season.

I quite often say to myself; “I thought I finally got the hang of this life thing. Why do I have to knock it all to the ground and start over?”

However, like it or not, seasons change and we must change with it or risk being left behind. In February, I realized that my seasons had changed and I was holding on to things that no longer served me; trying very hard to hold on to them too.

Now let’s give this newsletter a little more structure, shall we?

February In Review

I spent a lot of time reflecting in the month of February. I evaluated myself and why I was struggling and I came up with a few discoveries.

1. I had taken my eyes off the things that worked for me. I wasn’t intentional about conserving my energy. For the most part, I know my signs of drain and overwhelm. However, did I use that knowledge to my advantage? No, I did not.

I chose draining things over the things that filled me with life and joy and energy. For example, I find movies stressful so I find it difficult to watch movies at a stretch. I find myself watching in bits and pieces . However, I have watched a record number of movies in the past few weeks to try to fix the gnawing discontent I felt within. I ignored the warnings and tried to simply place a bandaid on a festering wound.

In previous times, I’d take time off to reflect and recalibrate. I used to take social media breaks as well until I convinced myself that I had so much to do online that I no longer needed them. Newsflash, I still need those breaks.

Plus I’ve realized that the thought that I had to be present at all times for all my engagements is detrimental. I’m of no use to anyone if I continuously fail to water myself first.

Now, especially in the season I’m stepping into, I’ll be more intentional about taking time off if I need to.

2. I learnt that I had to let go of childhood memories. While talking to a friend sometime in February, I uncovered negative words that somehow found their way into my subconscious and affected the way I viewed myself.

My friend paid me a compliment by telling me he admired how selfless I was and I said I didn’t believe him. I told him that I’ve always been told I’m the opposite of the quality he just appraised in me and I just didn’t think he was telling the truth.

He then asked me a few questions that helped me make a very useful realization. The conversation went something like this:

He: Even if you might have been a selfish kid, you’re allowed to change and be different. Did you or did you not go out of your way to assist this person?

Me: I did.

He: If someone did the same for you, would you not consider it a selfless act?

Me: I would.

He: So why are you refusing to see that you’ve changed?

Me: *stunned silence.

We went on to discuss more of the memories I carried with me, the ones I etched into my persona. That conversation also inspired me to look within and unearth even more of these memories that no longer serve me. I’m slowly letting go of them.

If you’re like me and you grew up in a Nigerian home, chances are that there are some things you need to let go of. The statements like, “Does the person who came first have two heads?” may have come from a place of love but those words no longer have a place in your adult life.

As a child, that statement might have motivated you to work harder but if you live by it as an adult, it’ll only breed resentment, envy and unhealthy rivalry towards people who you perceive as better than you. Let go.

I’m wrapping up this newsletter soon but before I go, I’ll tell you about some of the things I really enjoyed in the month of February.

I enjoyed slow, unrushed mornings when I got up early, took my time to brush my teeth, played my favorite songs while I made myself a healthy and nutritious breakfast, exercised, took a long cold bath while still humming songs, got dressed in comfy clothes and settled in to read God’s word and journal, all before starting my work for the day.

I only had a few days like that because I usually have to head to classes in the morning but it truly meant everything to me.

Not having to rush out of my space in the mornings is a luxury I’d love to be able to afford myself in the future.

Lastly, I’m really grateful for being able to spend a full day in a garden this past month. I laughed and took walks and observed peacocks preening around the property. I read and watched videos. I had fun conversations, planned my next moves and bonded over ice cream. I lay on my mat, in the shade of a tree whose age far outnumbered mine and stared at the leaves.

Being in nature served as a reminder that even when it feels like everything is falling apart, God is good (everything also probably isn’t falling apart, lol). Life is good. Take heart, child, it’ll be okay❤️

Until next time,

Shine Bright,

All my love, Dolapo❤️

Before we go any further, how has your January been so far? Please leave a comment below 👇🏾

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I hope you’ve had a productive month, filled with lots of joy and laughter. On my end, I’ve had a pretty interesting month. Highs and lows but a good month overall. Before we get into the details though, here’s Something To Think About.

DDK featured this quote in one of her emails recently and I just think it’s an important reminder particularly at this time of the year. I’d love to hear your thoughts on the quote. What do you think it means?

Let’s get into today’s recap.

January in general was a month of increased clarity about my plans for the year. I also kickstarted the groundwork for my goals for Q1 in this month and I’d say I got most of the things on my list done.

School.

January came with a healthy dose of academic work so that was my primary focus. I had a couple of exams to study for. I studied, battled fear and self-doubt and even shed a few tears out of overwhelm. I have never really been in doubt of my academic abilities like I was this month.

However, I have begun to learn more about myself, my methods of effective study as well as the work I need to do on my mindset. It’s a humbling experience but I’m determined to learn from it and be better for it.

It’s also important to note that I’ve had tons of help and support through it all and I am super grateful for that.

Speaking of support, let’s talk about how my friendships fared this month.

Friendships.

I experienced a lot of love and support from my community of friends this month and that was absolutely amazing. I also received a lot of gifts and that made me very happy.

It wasn’t all rosy though. I learnt about some of my flaws when it comes to relationships and even though taking the feedback was hard, I’m glad I had people who cared enough to tell me about it.

I’ve also had to consciously work on my relationships with certain people which is an activity I consider challenging but I’m learning and growing.

Work.

Work this month is an aspect of my life that absolutely thrived!

Even though I didn’t publicly announce resumption of my custom journal service, I got so many referrals that kept me busy throughout the month.

I’m super grateful for that. I’m actively experimenting with new product ideas and I’m excited for everyone to see what I have planned. Cheers to a productive February.

Food and fitness.

This was an aspect I was not intentional with this month. I just ate to keep hunger at bay. I didn’t plan my meals or eat as healthy as I usually would but that’s something that could change with a little more planning.

However, I was really active in the month of January.

Finances.

On the finance side of things, I hit my giving target for the month and successfully cleared my obligations for the month. I also generated a lot more money than I anticipated.

Zoom out: My work at becoming more industrious and creating different sources of income is gradually paying off. There’s a lot more work to be done but the progress is really encouraging to see.

Recommended Resources.

This month, I started reading Atomic Habits and I really recommend it. You can find summaries online if you’d like to learn more about the book.

I also really enjoyed reading Noahpinion emails so I binged on them this month. My other email selections have pretty much remained the same as well, Morning Brew and Tech Cabal Daily.

Movies? Your girl did not see any. I have a list I’m carrying over till next month. Hopefully, I get to see one of the movies on the list.

Conclusion.

This month was a month of some highs and some lows and I felt defeated at some point during the month.

However, my biggest takeaway for the month is the fact that In all things, I am more than a conqueror. Through Christ, I have victory. This is the mindset I’m choosing to live by all through this year.

Even when it doesn’t look like it, I am victorious.

This is the mindset I’d like you to continue 2023 with. Regardless of what has happened this first month, keep going. Remember I’m always rooting for you.

Until next time, Shine Bright🌟

Love, Dolapo.

In my last newsletter, I promised to breakdown my planning process for the year and in this newsletter, I will be doing exactly that. Before we get into it however, here’s Something to think about.

2023.

2023 is about to be a year of new, challenging beginnings for me. My priorities this year include my academic work, my spiritual growth, my role as a volunteer and my numerous personal projects.

Other “broad” goals include:

1. Learning from and engaging meaningfully with my Immerse Inner Circle family.

2. Becoming a part of a service unit at church.

3. Creating new bonds and strengthening my existing bonds with my community.

4. Becoming a better team player.

5. Giving more.

6. Reading more books.

2023 Planning Strategy

Because I have a lot ahead of me in 2023, I’ve chosen to set quarterly targets instead of a robust plan for the entire year.

As the year goes on, my focus will change in order to be able to effectively manage each new project per time. What this means is that on some days, I’d spend more time working on a new project than I’d spend studying.

Because I also have a lot going on, careful prioritization is what will help me to balance things out.

I was careful not to set broad resolutions like, “I’ll study 3 hours everyday” or “ I’ll work on my project for 2 hours daily”

In reality, what will help me keep things balanced is knowing what to shift my focus to per time. So, I might do a lot more reading when I have a test coming up or I might spend way more time doing research when I have a project launch coming up.

A common way of explaining this is the “glass balls” example. Imagine that all the various obligations that you had to keep up with were balls and you were juggling them. However, not all of these balls are made up of the same material. Some are glass balls and others are plastic balls.

The overall goal is to keep an eye on the glass balls. You can afford to drop a plastic ball because it will bounce but a glass ball will shatter when dropped. Therefore, it’s important to know how to keep things balanced whilst still keeping an eye on the most important things.

Goal setting in 2023

I learnt a new way of setting goals and I believe that is what I’d like to adopt as I move through the different quarters of 2023.

It’s called the GOPD method and I first encountered it in Adaora Lumina’s newsletter.

GOAL: First you set a Goal - what do you want to accomplish? What do you want? 

OBSTACLES: What’s stopping you? Both perceived & real. (You need to be honest about this).

OPTIONS: What are the different options to be able to achieve this goal? ie. How can you get there? 

DECISION: Which option are you going to go with? Do you want to struggle with the option that you choose? (You have to do this with consideration to what truly works for you - you know yourself best). 

Here’s an example using the GOPD Method:

There are many angles to this. However for this example, I’m going to stick to one context so that it’s simple for you to grasp.

GOAL: I want to be physically healthier in 2023.

OBSTACLES: I don’t have control of what I eat, so my blood sugar levels are crazy.

OPTIONS (pay attention to this part): 

• I need to stop making frequent trips to the refrigerator throughout the day.

• I need to avoid eating chocolates and candy.

• I need to stop buying items that contain high sugar and replace them with items that contain less/no sugar. 

DECISION: I struggle with self-control when it comes to sugary foods, so I’ll just stop buying items with high sugar. This way, I don’t have them as an option at home. Instead, I’ll replace with low/no sugar items. 

I find this GOPD method to be super powerful in drilling down to decisions that will help you truly achieve your goals this year. Most people jump from the goal to the decision. You must face the obstacles and explore the options - that’s where the work is. 

There are a lot more examples that can be used to explain the principle but I hope you understand it. Please leave a question below if you’d like me to explain further.

That brings us to the end of this newsletter. I hope you learnt something new. Don’t forget to like this post and share with a friend if you did.

Until I come your way again, Shine Bright🌟

Love, Dolapo.

Thank you so much for all the love and support I received on my last newsletter. I do not take your kindness for granted. Thanks to all the help and advice I received, I’m doing much better now.

Hey there! Welcome to (what is possibly) my last newsletter for the year. (just kidding, it is my last newsletter.) It’s been a while since i wrote to you and I’ve honestly missed doing this. Let’s get into it.

As stated in the title, this is my 2022 recap. I didn’t know what to write at first because the past few months have been pretty rough but it’s been a good year overall and it deserves a review.

I was out of school for the greater part of the year due to the academic strike and that really defined my year. While at home, I did a lot of learning and growing. I explored new career paths and dreamed big.

However, resuming school brought most of those new things to an abrupt end and I struggled to stay afloat for the last two months of the year. There’s still much that needs to be settled but I’m also in a much better place now.

2022 highlights:

• This year, I gained increased clarity and authenticity. I was completely myself for the better part of this year and I was rewarded with genuine, beautiful people who love me for who I am, imperfections and all.

• I started and finished an intensive online course.

• I spoke at two events.

• Launched this newsletter (and what a massive blessing it has been! To myself and to others)

• Launched my custom journal service this year. It was something I was scared to experiment with but I went ahead and it worked out very well. I look forward to continuing the service in 2023.

• Got serious about documenting. My journal is full of notes and my smartphone is full of photos especially from the last few months of the year. Documentation is one of the things I planned to do this year and I’m glad I finally cracked it.

• My roommates spoke a ton of money into my life( if you get it, you get it). Speaking of roommates, I had the absolute best this year, these women supported me, comforted me, prayed for me, advised me and even cooked for me on some days. Their friendship is one of my biggest blessings of 2022.

• Even though I didn’t do so well with my existing friendships, I totally scored with my community this year. I met and bonded with the most amazing people and I’m so excited for deepening these relationships in 2023.

• I learnt a lot about food this year and actively worked on developing a healthy and holistic relationship with food. It was also a goal for me in 2022. Food is a big part of our lives and I believe having a healthy relationship with food is a lifelong investment in a healthy lifestyle.

• I coordinated the shooting of a documentary for one of my personal projects.

• I pursued my business ideas.

My Awards

This year, I started writing monthly reviews as a way of encouraging myself and others to be more self-aware. My favorite part of each review was the recommendations in which I shared some of my most useful sources of learning for the month. Below is my supreme roundup:

Best Podcast: 𝙱𝚒𝚋𝚕𝚎 𝙱𝚎𝚏𝚘𝚛𝚎 𝙱𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚔𝚏𝚊𝚜𝚝, 𝙱𝚞𝚜𝚒𝚗𝚎𝚜𝚜 𝚆𝚊𝚛𝚜.

Best Newsletters : 𝙼𝚘𝚛𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝙱𝚛𝚎𝚠, 𝙽𝚘𝚊𝚑𝚙𝚒𝚗𝚒𝚘𝚗.

Best Video Series: 𝚅𝚒𝚜𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚊𝚛𝚢 𝙻𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚎𝚛𝚜𝚑𝚒𝚙 𝙼𝚊𝚜𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚌𝚕𝚊𝚜𝚜 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝙵𝚎𝚕𝚊 𝙳𝚞𝚛𝚘𝚝𝚘𝚢𝚎 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝙳𝚎𝚋𝚘𝚕𝚊 𝙳𝚎𝚓𝚒-𝙺𝚞𝚛𝚞𝚗𝚖𝚒.

How I feel about the Year 2022

I have never known fear the way I did this year and it impacted on my ability to execute a number of times. It’s something I’m still working on and praying about but I’m definitely hoping for more courage and less fear in 2023. Faith over fear.

I felt mostly uncomfortable as we neared the end of this year because I just felt like there was so much I could have done better but the past is the past and there’s always a chance to start over and do better.

I choose to take that chance. I can ALWAYS be better and always do better. So can you.

2023?

2023 is a year of new, scary beginnings. It will be a year of learning and a lot of trusting in God and his faithfulness.

I see what is ahead and I’m overwhelmed and nervous but I’m ready to take it on. To prepare myself, I’ve taken a keener look at my habits and lifestyle and I’ve made adjustments as is necessary. There is more in 2023 and I go for it.

(perhaps 2023 is the year I finally join Twitter? We’ll see.)

It’s also necessary to mention that I’m adopted a quarterly approach to my goal setting for the year 2023. I’ll share details on this in a subsequent newsletter.

And to YOU, I’m super grateful for you. Thank you for being a part of my journey this year. Let’s do more in 2023.

As always, I’m rooting for you.

Happy New Year.

Lots of Love, Dolapo.

Send help. Lol.

Hey there! It’s Dolapo here again and I am more than elated to be writing to you this lovely Thursday morning. I’m excited because it’s been such a long time since I wrote a newsletter and I’m just happy to be back in the flow.

First, happy new month. Welcome to December. How are you? How did you fare in November?

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Today, I’ll be sharing my November 2022 recap and just as the preview says, it was a month of many new phases; sweet, sad, painful. Before we dive in however, here’s Something to think about.

Life is so subtle sometimes that you barely notice yourself walking into doors you once prayed would open.

-Anonymous

This particular quote held some significance for me in the past month. I had a few moments of reflection and realized that I now had a lot of the things I wished for about 3 years ago. With ease, too. Sometimes, unintentionally.

moving to the topic of the day…

The November of New Phases. Let’s get into it. This past month was not an easy one and I’ll tell you why.

In case you don’t already know, I’m a medical student in Nigeria. Our lecturers embarked upon a nationwide strike and we had to stay home for about eight months. We’re back to school and boy, it’s a lot!

As a preliminary (first-year) medical student, we were warned that things would get tougher as we moved to Preclinical school (second year) but nothing really prepared me for my second year of training.

I resumed school on the 28th of October and immediately got thrown into a chaotic system and lots of coursework. It was a mess, one that I’ve barely worked through.

All the things that went wrong:

1. All my routines flew out the window. While I was at home, I had developed a pretty stable routine. I was busy, very busy but I knew how to move things around and get the important things done.

   At school, however, all of that got jumbled up. I had to follow a schedule for classes which meant that my day was more structured and I couldn’t function in accordance with my natural energy cycles. So at the end of the day, I would arrive home tired and unmotivated and sleep till the next day, only to repeat the cycle again.

   This is obviously a problematic situation to be in as a medical student with a number of extracurriculars. It meant that I wasn’t studying or doing anything to develop myself or work towards my (non-medical) goals. I was just sleeping because I was tired and felt I needed sleep.

   Going forward: I’m looking into ways of stabilizing my routine once more. When will I do what? I’m upset that I don’t have it all figured out by now, but it is what it is. I’m simply not there yet.

2. Planning also went out the window. I stopped taking time to plan my day because it just seemed like there was always more to do in less time. It was always about shaving off a few extra minutes so I could make it to class earlier or study for longer. Therefore, I started to see writing a to-do list or journaling in the morning as a luxury.

   Going forward: I incorporated a new habit into my morning routine that I really enjoy, which that takes up about 30 minutes each morning and so journaling in the mornings still remains impractical for me. For now, I’ll journal at night and try to keep a little notepad I can carry with me as I go through my day.

3. Discipline flew out the window. I think you’re starting to get the drift. A lot of things have gone out the window. Without proper planning and zero routine, my days were very disorganized and disoriented and I found it difficult to do the things I needed to do outside of school. I felt guilty for doing anything outside of studying and I simply stopped.

   Going forward: I need to simply plan better. I believe that with better planning, it’ll be easier to follow up on the things I need to do.

4. I started to feel unworthy. If I’ve ever felt a heavy dose of impostor syndrome, it’s now. I had goals for my academic performance but I constantly got intimidated and for some reason, I didn’t believe that I could do as well as I wanted. It’s my first time having such a defeated mindset as I’m usually confident in myself and my ability to work hard to achieve what I want. This time however, it feels like nothing I do will be enough.

   Going forward: This is definitely something I’m praying about. I will also try reciting affirmations every morning to help give my subconscious a boost. If you have any ideas of other things I can try, please let me know.

   Leave a comment

5. I had a couple of breakdowns. In the first few weeks of settling in, the extracurriculars I had that were on suspension all resumed and I started feeling overwhelmed by all the added responsibilities. I felt extremely down about the fact that I seemingly wasn’t doing well at anything.

   I was able to calm down, prioritize, and plan for all the activities by talking with a friend.

6. Towards the middle of the month, I fell ill. This just set me back at a point when I’d gained some structure. I had to skip a few classes in order to nurse myself back to health. I’m really grateful for my friends and family because they came through for me during that period.

   ---

Now let’s talk about specific segments of life.

Relationships.

While I got closer to my friends and colleagues in medicine, I found it incredibly difficult to keep up with the lives of my non-medical friends and to show up for them. I did zero check-ins and I’m not proud of that. I hope I do better in the new month.

With the relationships I did have the opportunity to nurture this month, new, beautiful things were birthed. I’ve found community in many different ways and I’m super grateful for all the new people in my life.

To my old(er) friends, if you’re reading this, I love you and we should talk. I also apologize for not being present in the past month.

Work.

At first, I kept up with the things I needed to do outside of medical school. As time progressed however, it became more and more difficult to do things outside of medical school because I wasn’t planning well and I felt guilty whenever I wasn’t studying.

Sleep.

I got an average of 5 hours, 25 minutes of sleep this past month which was actually really good. I struggled with sleeping a couple of times but overall, I had a good month sleep wise.

Food and nutrition.

I started out with a strong focus on healthy eating so I planned my meals ahead and meal prepped on the weekends. However, after I fell ill, I was too weak to make my own meals. Towards the end of the month, I’d recovered sufficiently and I pivoted to cooking to fill my stomach as opposed to cooking things I really enjoyed. Going forward, I’d love to return to my meal planning system.

Recommended Resources.

I didn’t read a lot of my emails this month but I did discover a new podcast that I love. I've included a picture of it below.

This brings me to the end of this newsletter. It was certainly a challenging month but I’m gradually regaining my balance. Can you relate to any of the things I spoke about in today’s newsletter? Tell me about it. Also, please don’t forget to subscribe if you haven't already done so. Join the family.🤗

Until next time, I love you and I’m rooting for you.

Shine bright 🌟

Love, Dolapo.

Today’s newsletter, as previously stated is a basic rundown of the most significant things I learned in October 2022. Before we dive into it, here’s Something to think about.

“If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.”

- Wayne Dyer

moving on to today’s topic…

If I was asked to describe October 2022 in one word, it would be turbulent. It started out like any other month but slowly became more and more challenging. It tested my resolve and rattled my convictions. The ‘dark cloud’ slowly started to lift towards the end of the month. Now that I’m somewhat in the clear, here are some of the most profound things that experience has taught me.

1. Things will happen that will challenge the beliefs you hold close to your heart. When that happens, it’s incredibly crucial to be willing to unlearn and relearn quickly so that you are not at a standstill for longer than is necessary. As soon as we are confronted with the illogicality of our established thinking processes, we react with stubborn clinging. The better option is to ask questions, learn more about yourself/the situation and arrive at a revised conclusion.

2. Learn to seek help when you need it. A substantial part of why October was so turbulent was because I didn’t seek help early. Things got resolved much quicker when I opened up and asked for help.

3. Take the help that you’re offered! I cannot stress this enough. It’s one thing to ask for help and it’s another thing to be courageous enough to take the hand of help extended to you. Even after asking for help, I found it difficult to follow through so I struggled with accepting the help I was offered. Needless to say, that was not a helpful move.

4. Forgive yourself for your mistakes and move on. Don’t forget to learn from your mistakes as well. Always be willing to learn, unlearn and relearn.

5. Take a break if you need to. In the past, I used to take regular breaks from social media. However, as I became involved in more and more things, I stopped. Your work might suffer for a while but rest and recharge are key

   if you’re to continue to give your best.

6. Communicate. I did take a break to figure things out. One thing that made it easier to transition back into my work was the fact that I communicated that I needed time off to the appropriate parties. This meant that my absence could be compensated for more rapidly and things could proceed just as smoothly as before.

That brings me to the end of today’s newsletter. This newsletter took an insane amount of time to put together but that’s a story for November’s recap. To be sure you get the email once it drops, please subscribe to my newsletter. It’s really easy to do.

Subscribe now

Until next time, Shine Bright🌟

Love, Dolapo.

We’ve all read headlines like this:

SHOCKING! Man kills best friend, reveals that he was envious of friend’s lifestyle.

Hey there! It’s your email bestie here again and as you might have guessed, we’re talking about jealousy today.

Everyone gets jealous at some point but a great number of people never truly learn how to curb their envy of other people. In this newsletter, we’ll be talking about my personal journey with jealousy. But first, here’s Something To Think About.

You never “arrive”, you just show up to a new club as the brokest member.

- Anthony Nuara

Pretty profound, isn’t it? If you aren’t Nigerian and the context isn’t exactly clear to you, to “arrive” means to have succeeded ultimately; to have reached the pinnacle of success and “brokest” means least prosperous.

moving on to today’s topic…

Everyone struggles with jealousy but I believe it was worse for me especially when I was younger because I’m a naturally competitive person.

Growing up, it was all about being the best at everything. As a child, I was pretty bright so being top of my class came quite easily. However, success did not come as easily in other areas, such as being the best singer in the children’s choir at church.

Being the first daughter in a Nigerian home, there were also unique pressures that came with that. I was expected to be the model child, take responsibility, take initiative and lead my siblings by example. The pressure was real!

My sister and I were also constantly compared with each other and with other children but I honestly do not even blame my parents for it. It was the way they knew to motivate us and in most cases, it worked! It just left unpleasant side effects in some cases. If you’re Nigerian/African, then you understand this.

Long story short, I was always aiming for one thing or another and sometimes, this led to jealousy especially when it seemed like someone else had something I wanted.

I became consciously aware of my jealousy when I started to act out and my parents mentioned it. However, they simply mentioned it, I had no idea how to stop being jealous. And believe me, I tried.

I remember crying myself to sleep some nights because I was consciously trying to become a better person but all my effort wasn’t paying off. Each time I was faced with a situation, I would still react with jealousy.

I felt very bad about it and I often wished that I had a switch that I could just use to turn off the jealous side of myself. Funny, right?

Eventually, I understood that jealousy is a natural emotion and everyone feels jealous from time to time. However, each person must learn to manage their jealousy just like one would learn to manage anger or sadness.

Thus began my journey of many discoveries and stumbles. That journey is still ongoing (it’s a lifelong journey) but I have grown considerably and I would just like to share a few thoughts that might help you manage jealousy better. Let’s go!

𝔫𝔬𝔱 𝔞 𝔯𝔬𝔰𝔢 𝔟𝔲𝔱 𝔟𝔢𝔞𝔲𝔱𝔦𝔣𝔲𝔩 𝔞𝔩𝔩 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔰𝔞𝔪𝔢…

This truth up here was something that was so difficult for me to grasp. I constantly compared myself to others without considering the fact that I’m different and my path is different.

The fact that I'm not this person that I admire so much doesn't mean that they're better than me. While I understand this now, it took me so long to make it a part of my mindset.

Focus. Don’t compare. Determine what’s important to you and FOCUS.

I remember making the statement above my phone’s Home Screen back then. I needed a constant reminder not to get fixated on other people’s journeys but to focus on my path and grow in the direction that’s specific to me.

A growing understanding of this truth, myself, my individuality and my path has helped me greatly in the past few months.

I’ve talked about it in previous newsletters but my work simply flows now. I’m not trying so ardently to pattern my life after someone else’s and the amount of times I’ve gotten jealous because of someone else’s success has reduced.

In most cases, I’ve come to realize that although I admire what they’ve done/achieved, achieving that same thing is simply not a part of my unique journey. I’ve now acquired the ability to admire something without desiring it.

I’m on my path, I’m growing and it’s been an absolutely beautiful journey so far.

One source of jealousy that I’ve noticed with myself in recently is feeling excluded.

As a part of certain online communities, it sometimes feels like I’m not really a part of the community. It feels like I know these people but when they want to collaborate on amazing projects, I’m not invited and I have to admit, that makes me jealous.

However, I’ve learnt that our roles in communities differ. You might just be the Encourager or the Financier or the Sounding Board. Whatever your role is in these communities, it’s very important for you to not be envious of another/ try to usurp his/her role.

When you have the same goal as a group of people, competing to play someone else's role is counterproductive.. You should not be competing to be the face of physical outreaches when you’re meant to be building capacity to finance the project(s).

Discover what your role is, and serve faithfully.

A lot of times, we look at people’s accomplishments and we forget that it took them literal years to get to where they are.

We envy the perceived “ease” with which they do what they do without taking their years of painful mastery into account.

In my case, I realized that a lot of the things I envied were simply things I hadn’t put in the effort to achieve. That kind of envy is one of the most dangerous kinds because it embitters you and blinds you to ways in which you can better yourself.

All that you see is how this person that has what you want got “lucky” or were undeserving of what they achieved. You portray yourself as the victim, the one that no one likes; I think it goes without saying that such a mindset can be even more damaging than the feeling of envy itself.

Another way this kind of envy can set in is through a difference in personalities. People react to different energies differently. If you’re a naturally reserved person, you cannot realistically expect people (strangers and casual friends) to treat you the same way they would a more bubbly personality. It’s not that they don’t like you, it’s that your energy rubs off on people differently.

If you’re not the kind of person that reaches out, you might have fewer and/or less intimate relationships. Either you get comfortable with that reality or you choose to be different. Envying someone with a different personality who happens to have more friends is very damaging.

When I notice this kind of envy, I draw a hard line and have a tough conversation with myself. I intentionally take note of what makes me different from the person I’m envious of. I also make it a point to pray for the person, to pray for the integrity of my heart and for the grace to stay the course on my own path.

Like I said before, jealousy is a normal human emotion. However, with myself, I’ve noticed that when I’m feeling jealous repeatedly over a period of time, it’s often a sign that I’ve either lost sight of what is most significant to me or I’ve begun to lose gratitude/ appreciation for what I do have.

Whenever I notice this, I always take a step back and just sit with my thoughts for a while. I journal, I ask myself questions, and I make honest evaluations. I rewrite the things that are most significant to me as well as the things I love about my own life and my unique journey. This helps me to stay grounded and in tune with myself.

Life nowadays can be very fast-paced and there’s often pressure to achieve more than ever before. Occasionally, this pressure gets to me and every time this happens, I start to compare a lot more, thus increasing the tendency to get jealous.

The way I’ve learnt to manage this is by simply taking a break. During this break, I get the chance to re-evaluate my goals and also to ensure that I’m not setting goals with a standard of success that isn’t mine. I reflect on my blessings even as I work to achieve even more.

It can be challenging to learn to manage envy better but it is possible. I hope that you’ve been able to learn a few things that you can put to effective use from today’s newsletter. Please let me know what your thoughts are.

Until next time, Shine Bright.

Love, Dolapo.

PS: Here’s a quick reminder that I’m still taking custom journal orders for a limited time period.

Gratitude journalling is a great way to help you stay grateful and keep jealousy at bay. Additionally, If you’re trying to organize and track your life across different aspects, this might be a right fit for you.

Click here to get started.

It’s your email bestie here and as usual, I’m super excited to be writing to you today. This is meant to be my September 2022 recap but my September was a blur and that’s why this email is coming really late. I’ll tell you all about it but first, here’s Something to think about.

The spirit of excellence will help you concentrate on your assignment until you become a standard.

-Pastor E.A Adeboye

I don’t know if you can tell but I always have pretty interesting newsletter titles. Brainstorming ideas for each of my newsletter titles has to be my favorite part of the writing process. That aside, let’s talk about how my September was.

I’ve already stated above that my September was a blur and that was mainly because of two things.

1. I wasn’t as mindful in the month of September.

2. Major changes to my lifestyle occurred in the month of September.

September in general.

Sometimes, it seems like you’ve finally gotten your life together. Things are stable and you’re steadily moving in the direction of your goals. Then life happens (not necessarily in a negative way in fact) and you’re back to fitting everything together so that the wheels turn again.

The scenario above perfectly sums up how my September went. September started off really calmly, I had a lot of time to myself and I spent that time building capacity. As I look back now, that time period felt like the calm before the storm.

September took on a much more intense turn. I took on a day job, launched one of my expressions and embarked on two new projects.

It has not been easy and it completely threw my schedules and routine out the window. I’ve had to build from scratch all over again and basically design a system that worked for my new lifestyle. The extra responsibilities however, have been enriching experiences that will assist my future endeavors so I’m not complaining at all.

With these new responsibilities, I’m building my resilience, tenacity, dedication and courage. I’m choosing to show up daily and to choose faith over fear. I’ve also explored creative ways to recharge in the past month.

September really stretched me and it got hard on some days but through it all, I did not lose my joy and I consider that my greatest achievement for the month. I really discovered joy in the little moments.

Let’s talk about the different categories next.

Work.

Work in September involved a lot of hours. At some points, I was working 18 hours a day so I had to get creative about taking a break without necessarily shutting down because I had to show up every single day.

My sleep didn’t suffer so much as well because I was taking evening naps on a daily basis at some point.

Basically, I would get back from work, eat and take a nap before getting started with the other half of my day. It was an arrangement that really worked for me. More details on what I worked on coming up in a bit.

Relationships.

In September, I connected more intimately with a number of my acquaintances and new partnerships and friendships have emerged from that increased engagement.

I also went out of my way to support people as much as I could and I was glad to be able to do that.

I’m currently really happy with where I am in terms of my community. I feel loved, supported and in sync. But of course, there’s always room for improvement so I’ll continue to work on my relationships, reach out if I need to and have conversations that serve to further strengthen my bonds.

Productivity.

I had a pretty productive month and I was more disciplined overall this month. I got up and did what I needed to do even on days when I did not feel like it and it paid off.

If I carry on like this, I’d be finishing the year on a very strong note.

On days when I did not have the energy to execute on my goals, I made sure to do little things like cleaning out my email or my gallery. It made me feel better overall and I’d say that’s a habit I’m keeping.

Sleep.

On average, my sleep was great this past month. Because my phone only recorded the sleep I got at night, I had an average of 5 hours 20 minutes but if I were to factor in my evening naps, I’d say I got at least 6 hours of sleep every night.

Another interesting thing I’d like to talk about is how my mindset about sleep changed over the course of the month.

At first, I started romanticizing my lack of sleep. I started praising myself for working for longer and running on less and less sleep. This was in part due to the fact that each time I told someone about my inability to sleep even when I wanted to, they would laugh about it and say they wish they had the same problem.

I subconsciously started wearing my lack of rest as a badge of honor. If you’re reading this and you do the same thing, I’d like to inform you that it isn’t a badge of honor or a sign that you’re really hardworking. It’s a sign that you are planning poorly and slowly killing yourself in the process.

I’m sorry if my words sound a bit harsh but that’s how hard I had to be on myself in order to start resting properly again instead of looking for new methods to achieve more on less sleep.

Later in the month, I started to really observe how much sleep I needed to function at my best and I started to get upset on days when I didn’t meet up with my sleep target. I knew I had to work on finding a balance that worked.

Here’s what that experience taught me: the truth is that if you’re working on something you’re really passionate about, you will lose sleep at least a few times. In those times when you’re building anything worthwhile or something new your lifestyle will most likely not be the same in that time period.

But that’s okay because it’s that stretching that helps us to give our best. To build anything worthwhile, we have to make sacrifices and step out of our comfort zones.

The key however is to keep the seasons in mind and strike a balance. Plan for your rest and listen to your body as well. Even in times when you should be working hard, listen and act accordingly when your body demands rest.

Food and nutrition.

This past month, my focus was mainly on my sleep so I didn’t pay as much attention to my nutrition but that’s okay. There’s a limit to the amount of things I can pay attention to per time.

In October, I’m taking my nutrition seriously again and becoming more intentional about my personal fitness as well.

Recommended Resources.

In September, I almost did not read my emails at all because I constantly felt overwhelmed. On days when I felt less overwhelmed however, I binged on some of my favorites and I loved every minute on it.

I also signed up for some new newsletters and the amount of emails I get daily intimidates me so I might have to adjust that.

On my less busy days, I tried listening to a few lifestyle podcasts but I couldn’t find any that I liked so please drop a recommendation if you have one. Below is my favorite podcast find for this month.

So many friends left Nigeria this month but I promise this podcast find was a coincidence😂. (Or was it?)

Okay, friends. That brings me to the end of today’s newsletter. Please share this newsletter if you liked it. Leave a comment as well, let’s keep the conversation going.

Special Announcement!

I launched my custom journal service in the month of September and I’d love to invite you to be a part of it.

This past month, my journal was a great anchoring force for me as it helped to organize my life, plan ahead and track the things that mattered the most to me.

A key reason why it has been so effective in improving my life is because I designed it myself to cater to my unique and specific needs.

I understand that not everyone has the time or skills for this however and that’s why I partnered with a designer to help you achieve the same thing.

For a limited time period, I can help you design a custom journal fitted to your exact needs.

The process is simple, you book a slot with me to speak about your goals on a consultation call and then we take that information design a custom journal for you based on your goals. More details in the flyer below. Book a slot today!

That brings me to the end of today’s newsletter! Remember that I’m always rooting for you.

Until next time, Shine Bright.

Love, Dolapo.

Today, I’ll be answering a common question that I get: “How do you manage to do so many things at the same time?” The short answer is Focus. I know this sounds counterintuitive at first glance so I’ll explain. But first, here’s Something to think about.

If your kindness keeps tabs, it’s a transaction.

- Unknown

moving to the topic of the day…

Focus. More precisely, hyperfocus. What does focus have to do with doing more than one thing? After all, the common sentiment is that focus is directing your energy at a single thing.

I’ll explain. And I’ll start with the backstory. Sometimes, I’ll share an update about something I’m doing that seems so different from what I usually do. The reactions I usually get are like, “oh wow, so you can do this as well? I wonder how you manage to do so many things at the same time.”

And I almost always respond with laughter because that notion isn’t entirely correct. Therefore, I’m going to rephrase the question as “how are you so efficient?”.

While I do many things “at the same time”, every single thing I do is an expression of who I am. It just flows from my being.

And this is where hyper focus comes in because I do not do things just because everyone else is doing them but I do things that are placed in my hands.

It’s slightly more difficult to explain this concept because it doesn’t really qualify as a scientific tip or self-improvement method. Stay with me though.

Because I’m always learning and implementing, every now and then, I have a flurry of new ideas to launch out. However, not all of these ideas are mine to execute so nowadays, I step back and carefully clarify by asking questions.

“What is my real motive for wanting to do this thing?”

“Am I really meant to do this or is this a mere desire?”

“What new demand does this new idea place on my life?”

“What changes so I have to make in order to implement this new idea?”

“What new knowledge do I have to gain/who do I need to become in order to properly implement this?”

“If I go through with this new idea, how will it change me?”

“Is there space in my life right now for this new thing?”

“Is this the right season to begin to implement on this??”

“What is God saying about this?”

I don’t just do things because everyone is doing them. I do things I’ve received, things that have been placed into my hands. And oftentimes, that’s why I have multiple reasons for doing certain things.

I don’t do things out of pressure, it’s why I’m not on Twitter. I don’t do things that could take me out of my place of “being” and put me into hustle lane, “trying to be”.

This doesn’t mean that I don’t do things that challenge me. It just means that I do things that are interwoven with my path and unique destiny and even though it isn’t always one hundred percent clear when I want to start a new venture, I’ve learnt to trust God and trust “the process”.

You see, by employing the principle of hyper focus and ONLY doing the things that have been placed into my hands, I acquire the ability to do a lot more impactful work.

This principle also helps me to choose what activities will yield the best returns in exchange for my time, energy and resources. These activities are often the ‘stone that kills multiple birds’ for me.

For example, when I started this newsletter, I just wanted to share my learnings and God told me that this was the next step to take. As time went on and things unfolded, it became my writing portfolio and opened up many more opportunities to me, even in completely unrelated fields.

Now, when people get to see my progress in these unrelated fields, they’re amazed. They say, “how are you involved with this as well?”What they don’t know is that it stemmed from one thing. And this exact scenario has repeated itself in multiple different settings.

There’s a lot of hustle and bustle in the world. Social media shows you what new movement you need to be a part of or what your next big thing should be. And while this is alright, I’ve learnt that this merely distracts me and takes my focus away from what I really should be doing.

In order to be able to live up to my potential and do more, I need to constantly remain focused. With less focus, my stress levels go up, my capacity reduces and my efficiency also suffers. When my head is in the right place however, I’m able to operate at a much higher frequency hence achieving more in less time.

Another reason I choose hyper focus is because of the interconnected nature of life.

All of my life is very interconnected and the strength of that connection is something I’m always working to improve. My physical health is connected to my mental health which is connected to my personal growth and development which is connected to my career development which is connected to my financial wellness. Do you see the trend?

If I’m doing well in one area, the other areas get a face lift. In the same vein, if I completely loose my balance in one area, the effect is felt in other areas. A lot of the skills and wisdom I use in one area are transferable to other areas.

By being focused and brutally cutting out the “good” things that aren’t mine to do, my life improves generally and that improvement earns me better results. The better results give me motivation to do more and the cycle simply repeats itself all over again.

The point is that at any given point in time, I’m doing a very specific set of things. I’m not easily swayed when there’s temptation to go into an awesome thing just because it sounds great and others are doing it.

Other principles such as proper time management, discipline, tenacity and excellence come in after I’ve locked my focus on what I’m supposed to be doing per season.

I’m still a work in progress but I’ve been mastering the art of laser-grade focus for a little under a year now and in the past few months, it has yielded tremendous results for me.

I’m still learning and tweaking things but I’ll continue to share my journey. Meanwhile, what do you think about the concept of hyper focus? Is it something you already do? Let me know.

Leave a comment

PS: My journal is one tool that has really helped me remained focused on the things that matter to me. The most wonderful thing about it is that it’s specially designed to help me balance the different areas of my life.

I realized that a custom journal can also come in handy for a lot of people so I teamed up with a designer to make it happen.

Reserve a slot today and get a one-of-one journal designed specifically for you.

With that, I’ve come to the end of this newsletter. As always, I’m rooting for you.

Love, Dolapo.

Today’s email is one that I believe will truly, richly and deeply bless you. I started writing this a while ago and it was actually supposed to be published last month but I didn’t get approval to publish so I didn’t.

Now, I understand why. I have rewritten the entire article and it really is one for the books. Let’s get into it. Before then however, here’s Something to think about.

Success can be attained without rest, but it isn’t sustained without rest.

- Adam Grant

This quote really spoke to me because I’ve been struggling with getting enough rest lately and at a point, I started to romanticize that lack of rest as a sign of hard work. I’ve had to catch that thought pattern and tell myself “No! It isn’t a sign of hard work, it’s a sign of poor planning. Do better.”

If you’re going through the same thing, do better.

moving to the topic of the day…

Authenticity. What does authenticity mean to you? I think that authenticity is a word that is widely used but poorly understood. This newsletter is about my journey to understanding the meaning of that word and living it out.

This story starts with young Dolapo. As a young girl, I was very perceptive(I still am). What this means is that I often looked at how people did things and then I modelled my behavior after that.

I’m also a very inquisitive person but I don’t remember asking a lot of questions in my childhood so my primary way of learning was by observing and modeling/recreating. I would look around me just to make sure I was in conformity with everyone else. And there was nothing wrong with this, it’s the way children learn- by observing.

However, I started to grow up and I started to question why certain things were done a certain way. Again, this is a normal phase in the development of any child.

I grew even more and I started to actively research my options and decide for myself who I wanted to be and what I wanted for myself. I started to ask myself questions. Who am I? What things do I enjoy? What is my thought process? What kind of life do I find attractive? What choices give me peace?

Those questions led me on a path of increased clarity and self-discovery. That, in a nutshell is my (ongoing) journey to authenticity. Now I’m going to break things down and reflect on the ways I’ve CHOSEN to be me. Here’s all the ways I’ve chosen to be Authentic.

• Authenticity is me realizing my identity as royalty and carrying myself as such.

• Authenticity is me learning that no matter how much I respect a person’s opinion, I still have to filter their advice and discard what isn’t applicable to me or my unique journey.

• Authenticity is me realizing that not everyone is for me and it’s okay to be cautious about who I let into my space.

• Authenticity is me rejecting pop culture and consciously curating the things I let into my mind.

• Authenticity is me realizing that I can be my own person and make my own choices.

• Authenticity is me owning my unique heritage and realizing the advantages accorded to me because of that heritage. It’s also being honest with myself about the disadvantages of that heritage and working around them.

• Authenticity is me guarding my mind and not letting myself be sold the lie that I’m “doing too much.”

• Authenticity is me realizing that not every teacher is for me and that there are times and seasons. The fact that everyone is raving about this teacher or coach doesn’t mean that they’re right for me. Also, the fact that someone is the right teacher for me in this season doesn’t mean that they’ll be the right teacher for me in another season and that’s okay.

• Authenticity is me choosing originality over superficiality when it comes to the way I show up. It’s “being” instead of “appearing to be”.

• Authenticity is me realizing that my “negative” traits have their place in my life, I just have to manage them properly.

• Authenticity is me not hiding my gift because of fear of how it’ll be received.

• Authenticity is me realizing what’s unique about me and what difference that makes.

• Authenticity is me deciding to own my own beauty and intentionally influence the perception of it. A lot of people find it puzzling when I post pictures of myself in “unflattering angles”. It might not be a pretty image but it’s me. This is me teaching myself that I’m more than a pretty face. It’s showing up as more than that. It’s accepting that there are days that I won’t look my best and yet, that’s still me. It’s who I am, unfiltered.

• Authenticity is me realizing my strengths and weaknesses. It’s me playing to my strengths and managing my weaknesses.

• Authenticity is me separating the desires of ambition from the call of vision and purpose.

• Authenticity is me taking charge of my energy and excusing the people, places and things that drain me.

• Authenticity is me realizing that my journey is different and focusing on my journey instead of constantly comparing myself to others.

• Authenticity is me not undermining the difference my life makes to the world.

• Authenticity is me realizing my sensitivities and biases and judging matters with them in mind.

• Authenticity is me extending love but not friendship to the people that are not right for me.

• Authenticity is me realizing and unapologetically, yet wisely choosing the things I like, the little things that make me happy.

• Finally, authenticity is accepting God’s great love for me even on days when I feel unworthy.

I could write a newsletter each about every point I listed above because there’s just so much to unpack. However, I’m stopping here and passing the microphone to you, what makes you YOU? What are the ways you show up as your authentic self?

Leave a comment

Please do let me know. This is where I’ll be ending today’s newsletter. Remember that I’m always rooting for you.

Until next time, Shine Bright🌟

Love, Dolapo.

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August was a really eventful month for me and I’m grateful for how much I was able to accomplish. I’ll gladly break it down for you and as always, I hope you’re inspired to live an even more intentional life. This is about to be a long but extremely enjoyable ride so strap on and let’s go!

something to think about…

On last month’s episode of reflections, I asked a question on how to meaningfully and memorably interact in online communities and one of the responses I got really stuck with me. I ran with it the entire month and it made a real difference.

I’d like to share that thought and therefore, today’s “something to think about” segment is by my friend, Goodness Onu.

Before you approach anyone or attempt to interact with anyone, start by believing that you’re valuable and proceed with that mindset.

See yourself as valuable, even to strangers.

-Goodness Onu

Amazing, right? That lovely thought was game changing for me this past month and you’ll understand why in a bit.

August in general

August 2022 was planned to be an offshoot of July and in many ways, it was just that.

In July, I focused heavily on my people skills as well as my relationships. I gained a lot of knowledge on the subject but I left the month feeling like I needed to practice what I had learnt. Therefore, I actively looked forward to events where I could meet new people and also practice what I’d been learning.

August came with many of such opportunities for me. At the beginning of August, I spoke at an event and got to connect with fellow speakers afterwards. Towards the middle of the month, I attended my first TEDx event, Upturn. I was so inspired that I even wrote an entire article about my experience at the event. At the end of August, I attended a convention that brought together medical students from various parts of the south-west region of the country.

All three events were incredibly enriching experiences for me and I had ample opportunity to practice, iterate and practice again. So many little goals also got ticked off in the process.

Remember my special thought from earlier? Well, it was definitely a very useful tip for me as I interacted at all these events.

You see, in the past, I would be so focused on how much I could learn from the amazing person I got to interact with that I would completely forget to recognize my value and showcase that to them. I would essentially bottle up my personality and just listen as actively as I could.

As you might have guessed, it didn’t do much to help the process of connecting with the other party. August was different however and remembering that I’m valuable helped me to forge very beautiful relationships.

Mindset

I was speaking to a friend about how I was struggling to develop better networking skills and our interaction helped me see that I had to work on my mindset about networking.

I used to think of networking as a way of using people to achieve your aims and because I’m a firm believer in genuine, beautiful friendships, the idea of networking didn’t appeal to me much.

When I discovered this, I took every opportunity that came my way to learn about networking properly as well as the true meaning of networking. This translated to workshops, YouTube videos, Instagram reels, short courses and any form of information I could lay my hands on.

What I learnt is that networking is about building relationships intentionally. It’s being part of a community that supports you. It is supporting others to achieve their goals and cheering each other on. When I finally understood the purpose and meaning of networking, it eased my struggle with the concept significantly.

Work

Work this month was pretty laid back. On the “business structure consulting” side of things, I didn’t take on any new clients this month. I simply carried on with providing solutions for the clients I already work with.

I primarily worked on company culture as well as structures for financial reporting. I examined value books and pointed out errors with employee management practices.

On a more personal note in terms of work, I started to better articulate what I do. I honed down on my target audience and tried to define who they were as clearly as I could.

I also got clearer on the value that I’m able to deliver to my clients and I think that will help me attract even more projects. I’m pretty excited about the future of my burgeoning career in Business Structure Consulting.

Relationships

This month, I made time for my relationships. I scheduled conversations with my friends into my calendar as well as my to-do list and it definitely helped me to better stay connected.

I also learnt about how to sustain friendships and I renewed my commitment to my friends. In July, I had to mend fences with a few friends because I got so caught up in my own life that I forgot to stay connected. I forgot to serve them and help make their burdens lighter.

Sometimes, life gets busy but I’ve decided that that will no longer be my excuse. I will always make time for the ones I love.

Productivity

I definitely had a very productive month. I didn’t get overwhelmed as much and I sustained the momentum to execute on most of my goals.

The most significant change that I made this month was to plan adequately before I jumped into action. I also wrote out my priorities for the week at the beginning of each week.

Each day, I would ask myself what I could execute on with regards to my priorities and I would tackle that first. That definitely helped me be more productive.

Finances

I had a very good month financially primarily because I met my expectations for giving. That was the singular most important thing to me with respect to my finances.

Another thing that made me very happy with my finances was the fact that one of my investments matured. It felt so good to finally see my money birth even more money for me. It was a really good feeling and spending the ROI felt even better.

Backstory: A year ago, I started my financial journey by investing in financial literacy classes. I gained knowledge on the options available to me as a student and since then, I’ve been working to create multiple sources of income for myself. It’s finally coming together and it feels great.

On the accounting side of things, I stuck to my budget and I kept track of my spending.

As regarding my financial habits, I spent the most money on self-development this month which is great. I also impulsively purchased some items I needed but had been deferring for months.

At first, I was bummed that I bought things on impulse but that actually turned out to be a good financial decision for me. Now, I have the tools that I will help me achieve my goals faster.

Sleep

At the beginning of this month, I was ill so the month didn’t exactly start on a great note for me. My recovery was taking longer than I expected and I tried to rush the process so I could get on with my plans.

That was a bad idea and it didn’t work either. I was tired all the time and I would sleep for really long periods of time. I decided to focus on recovering first. My plan was to eat, hydrate, exercise and sleep. I focused on doing that for a week.

Eventually, I recovered and I realized my health suffered because I wasn’t getting enough sleep. The first thing I did was to increase my sleep goal to 8 hours a day from 7 hours a day. This meant that my alarm went off an hour later than usual and I slept in on most days. Increasing my sleep goal brought my monthly average to 5 hrs 48 minutes which is still pretty poor but a full hour above what it was last month.

Food and nutrition

Because I was out a lot this month, I didn’t have as much control over my diet as I did last month so I’d say my diet was slightly less healthy than the usual.

I still tried to make healthy choices and swap certain foods for healthier alternatives. I also learnt more about food, what food means to me and how different foods interact with my unique body composition. I think it might be time for me to pay for courses so I can better understand and optimize my diet.

Big picture: I believe that for me to live a life of impact, I must take good care of my health. Diet and nutrition is a key part of staying healthy so I’ve been very committed to learning as much as I can about food and nutrition.

I’ve also been focused on developing a healthy relationship with food. Food is more than just food, it’s sustenance. Food is medicine. By actively seeking more knowledge on nutrition, I acquire the ability to tweak my plate to match my age, goals, health status etc.

My food is a life-long investment and I’m taking it very seriously as a foundation for a life of impact.

Recommended Resources

In this little corner, I’m sharing the books, events, podcasts, newsletters, music, videos and other forms of content that I gravitated towards in the course of the month. I share these in the hopes that you find something useful; something that inspires you to create magic.🪄

I spent so much time reading emails this month, as much as two hours per day. I read newsletters from Morning Brew and TC Daily on a daily basis. I also signed up for Forbes Daily Dozen but it contained very similar content to Morning Brew in a more concise form so I didn’t enjoy it as much. In fact, I stopped reading it entirely because I was starting to feel disloyal to Morning Brew.

Other emails I spent time reading were MoneyAfrica and NairaLife emails.

For entertainment, I really didn’t have time to be bored because I was constantly doing something or experiencing something new at an event. However, I still spent a lot of time on YouTube mostly learning. I watched sessions of the Legacy Conference, I replayed sessions of the Next Conference and I binge watched content from Yetunde Bankole Bernard.

I watched parts of two movies, Concussion and The Circle. I loved both but I haven’t had the time to watch both movies in full.

For podcasts, I listened to a lot of Business Wars episodes and I added a brand new exciting podcast to my collection. It’s called Dear Migrant Scholar by Alumunite but they’ve aired only two episodes currently so I watched those. I thoroughly enjoyed both episodes and I absolutely cannot wait for another to be released.

I have come to the end of this newsletter. In all, I had a really amazing month. I spoke, I listened, I learnt, I taught, I laughed, I played, I had fun. It was a beautiful one that I’ll forever have fond memories of.

Thank you for being a part of my journey as well. Writing to you and reading from you is always a highlight for me. I love you and I’m always rooting for you❤️.

Until next time, shine bright🌟

Love, Dolapo.

I’ll go straight to the point: I’ve been afraid lately. If you happen to know me intimately, you’ll know that’s really out of character for me. I’m not one to worry or get anxious. I’m also not one to panic when things go wrong therefore great fear is a relatively new emotion for me.

I’d like to share my struggle with that because I feel led to. I’ll also be sharing what I’ve done to help suppress it.

In recent times, I’ve noticed that the worsening insecurity in my home country, Nigeria has given me anxiety especially when it comes to my loved ones.

I’m constantly worrying about their safety.

I’m constantly fretting that something bad might happen.

I constantly feel like I need to soak in every moment because things can change at any moment.

It has been a really stressful feeling for me and more than ever, I have felt the need to self-regulate.

I try to catch those thoughts become they leave footprints of dread in the beautiful recesses of my mind.

I have leaned on God in these times. I have held on to his promises. Whenever I’m afraid, I sing songs that reaffirm his great love for me. I remind myself that his thoughts towards me are for good and not for evil.

I remind myself of his promises. I remind myself that he does not fail. I repeat these reassuring bible verses to myself until God’s peace washes over my troubled mind. I confess his promises over and over.

I know that this cloud of anxiety will pass but until then, I will not let despondency weigh me down. I will let go of those weights that threaten to drown me in an ocean of fear. I will continue to surrender myself and my loved ones to God.

I will rise above and be even stronger for it. God is with me, he is within me. I will not fail. I will not falter.

If you feel the same way, I’d like to encourage you. God’s hand holds you up, remain in him. Abide in him, derive your peace from his awesome presence. Bask in his great love.

Keep praying for Nigeria 🇳🇬. This cloud WILL lift. Until it does, the showers won’t drown you.

With Love,

Dolapo.