I have never pictured myself waking up on a random weekday, full of love for my little one, with my husband and me sandwiching the baby in bed.

I have, however, pictured myself looking after my friends’ children, being the rich aunt that would spoil them, and would plan play dates with them every once in a while.

I thought my perspective on having children would change once I entered my 20s. I thought that I would also want to have children— as all of my friends do- live for the kids, and have them as my greatest source of happiness. But as time passes by, my desire to build a family diminishes.

Society expects women to want children because that’s the idea of life. The succession of life is to study, explore, meet someone, settle down, have children, grow old, then die.

I have no issues with women having babies. I think motherhood is cute. I think it’s such a beautiful human experience. I admire women’s strength and courage to take care of another human being.

But with that said, why does society have issues with women choosing to be childfree?

Other people pity childless women, thinking that there’s something wrong with them. Some are married, and some are unmarried.

Yet the question still stands despite their status:

When are you going to have children?

Why does society think that they’re miserable for not having a child? Or that they’re an enigma that needs to be solved because they chose to be childfree?

When I tell my family and friends that I never want children, they look at me like I’ve grown two heads. They assume that I would change my mind if I meet someone and just shrug it off because I’m still in my early 20s.

And who knows, maybe they’re right. Maybe I’m wrong. We can never say anything with finality.

But never in my life have I found allure in motherhood. I have never found it to be something I have wanted.

The cry of babies makes me want to punch the wall. The idea of me having to sacrifice my sleep to make milk is a nightmare on its own. The image of me pushing a human being out of my body, which I have taken care of my whole life, makes my stomach churn. I find it so repulsive that it’s one of my worst nightmares— if not the worst.

I abhor it. I just know that my world will collapse when I find myself pregnant. Does this make me a vile human being?

I want to live my life, reach my full potential, take care of my family, and give back to others.

I want to see the world, meet new people, study medicine, and live in different cities.

I want to do all those things.

I don’t mind getting married. I don’t mind staying single.

But never in my life would I want to raise a child. I know it’s selfish and mean to say, but it’s not the hypothetical child’s life to live.

I was raised by a single mother and am mostly surrounded by single mothers, so putting myself in a situation where I have to face the same reality as them is not an option.

Maybe it’s selfishness, or a trauma response, or just the desire to live life to the fullest— without bearing the responsibility of another human’s life.

I grew up in a family where men were given a free pass. They were free to leave whenever they wanted. They actually opted out of the responsibility. No child support, emotional support, birthday greetings— you name it.

All my mom and aunt ever wanted was a complete family, but they never got to give me, my brother, and my cousin one.

They had to sacrifice their dreams, their youth, and their mental well-being to give us a comfortable life.

So will I put myself in a situation where I would have to trade my one, precious life to prioritize another’s?

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No. I will be selfish. I would not want to experience the same agony for the nth time. I had to vicariously live all those lives before I turned 18.

I don’t give a damn if other people think I’m broken. Or if nobody wants to date me because I don’t want children. Or if my husband leaves me just because I don’t want to give him children. Or if people see me as a miserable woman because I don’t have children of my own.

I will never prioritize anyone else’s dreams. This is my life to live. This is my body to take care of. I’m the one who has to endure the pain the most.

So I don’t care if you all think I’ll be miserable for the rest of my life, with no kids to look after me when I’m old.

The line ends with me.

Thank you for making it to the end. If you found this article insightful or a worthwhile read, please consider subscribing to Double A Diaries.

If you liked this piece, you might enjoy our other articles too!

We write about the experience and challenges of going through adulthood (as well as our girly musings and personal epiphanies).

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Always be kind,

Ash 🎀

In a life where your life revolves around your job, it makes you wonder if that is all there is to it. After you clock out, you can relax, go to sleep, wake up to get ready for work, look forward to the weekend, get the Sunday scaries, then dread your life again then moment your 6am alarm clock rings. The cycle never stops until you’re in your mid 60s. If you’re lucky, you have enough pension to travel the world.

Congratulations! You have worked for 40 years, so now you can finally see the world.

But what if your life stops at 35?

What if your life stops at 45?

And what if it stops just before the age you retire?

So, hell no. I’m not going to love for the weekend. I’m not going to work a job I don’t look forward to each day. And I’m not going to waste my one, precious life on things that don’t necessarily add value to my life.

1. Never stop learning

When I was a kid, I was so excited to finish school. It was a burden having to read several textbooks, wake up every day to study for another exam, and repeat the cycle every day until summer break.

So despite loving the dopamine boost high grades gave me, I wanted to finish my studies so I could work in a good field, earn money, have fun on the weekends, and stop with all the readings.

Upon entering my 20s, I realized that we never really stop learning. There is a much bigger world outside the academe, and life lessons are more important than learning how to solve chemistry equations.

When you read books, listen to those experienced players in life, and strive to learn something new every day, something magical happens. You start to crave new knowledge, understand different perspectives, and you genuinely want to become better.

Learning is a way to broaden your skillset. It’s a way to expand your worldview and tap into your potential. It’s how normal humans, like you and me, start to build something bigger than ourselves.

Read like crazy. Nonfiction, fiction, romance, finance, fantasy, adventure, whatever.

Listen to those who have wisdom, but make sure to practice discernment.

Stay curious about other people. It broadens your perspective and knowledge bank.

Don’t be afraid to fail because that’s how you learn.

2. Try new hobbies

I dread the first day of school because of questions like “What are your hobbies?” “What do you do in your spare time?”

I honestly didn’t know the answer to that. The first thing that came into my mind was watching Netflix shows and TikTok videos. In the age of social media, many people spend their spare time doomscrolling. No wonder we feel so empty and uninteresting.

I didn’t have hobbies. Most people don’t when they enter adulthood. Because life becomes a series of chores filled with endless work deadlines.

The way to counter that? Pick different hobbies.

TRY. THEM. ALL.

It doesn’t matter if it’s a solitary activity or a group one. Join meetup events. Join run clubs. Try painting, even if you suck. Join the dance class you’ve been putting off.

You don’t have to be the best at it. You don’t even have to be good at it. You just have to have fun while doing it.

Trying different hobbies builds personality, lets you explore, and is a way to know yourself.

Wanting to excel in everything will impede your growth. You are allowed to be bad at certain things.

You don’t have to make use of all your time doing something productive. You are allowed to spend it on silly things.

3. You’re just in one giant classroom

That said, don’t be afraid of the different subjects in life. When you were in high school, the curriculum forced you to take on a variety of subjects like chemistry, physics, mathematics, and the like. You could have taken 12 subjects at a time. But you managed to pass those subjects. And even if you didn’t, you managed to get past them.

It’s the same with life. There are just higher stakes now. You’re just in one giant classroom taking different subjects such as personal development, career development, personal finance, self- exploration, life navigation, family involvement, communication 101, time management 101, sports, and the list goes on. You may pass, fail, or excel. Same with school.

But it doesn’t really matter because the goal is to learn from the experiences, whether it be failure or success.

So the next time something feels overwhelming, just remember that it is just one area or subject of life. You don’t have to get high grades in all the subjects. You don’t have to get perfect scores every day. Keep in mind that life doesn’t keep tally. So even if you suck at it, just take each one as a lesson, reflect on it, then change your strategy.

4. Leave your hometown

If you have the opportunity to do so, leave. Leave your hometown. Leave your parents’ house. Move out. Live in another suburb. Live in a new city. Live in a new country.

Not recklessly though. Please do your research and plan.

Leaving will open doors for you. It will show you that the world is bigger than your city. You will meet people from all walks of life. You will learn different perspectives. You will have the opportunity to explore and try out what personality fits you the most.

It’s scary. It’s difficult. It’s honestly one of the things I have never imagined doing at the age of 19.

But I did. And it opened endless opportunities for me. It made me realize that there is no limit to my dreams, that independence is something to be grateful for, and how beautiful life is when you start moving.

You have to remember that the world is your oyster, but you can’t crack it if you stay put in one place.

5. Protect your energy

Protect it like it’s your most prized possession, because it is. Surround yourself with the people you care about, the hobbies that bring you joy, and turn your focus inward.

Cut those toxic ones off. Cut your nosy high school friends who just talk to you to have something to gossip about. Say no if you don’t feel like it. You don’t need to apologize every time. Mute people. Unfollow them. Set clear boundaries.

But at the same time, you have to be respectful about it. Human decency is something more people should practice.

Treasure those who don’t drain your energy. Be more effusive. Be open to meeting new people with the same values as you. Join groups that make you feel valued. Go back to old hobbies that you have put off because life happened.

Find solace in ways that energize you. Ignore the noise.

6. Stop watching other people live

Stop being the first viewer of everybody’s story.

Who cares where your neighbor 5 years ago went on a random Tuesday?

Who cares that your high school schoolmate went to Paris with her husband?

Who cares if Angelica from high school got a matcha this morning?

Do you really care?

Stop watching other people’s stories if that triggers your anxiety, makes you jealous, or makes you shrink because other people are having it better.

The reality is nobody is having it better. Nobody has their life figured out. Nobody has everything all at once. Social media is curated. It is an edited version of people’s lives.

So stop comparing yourself to other people.

Live your life. Do what you love. Wear the cute outfit. Go post that dance video. Post your morning routine. Not for anyone else. Not to compete with other people’s lives. Not to brag about how good you have it.

But for yourself. If that’s what brings you joy and makes you happy, post it. You don’t have to look at the likes and views.

Personally, I only watch my close friends’ stories. Not because I hate my other mutuals, or I envy their lives. I just personally don’t see the need to watch theirs.

I like watching my friends’ stories because I like knowing what they’re up to. I like replying to their stories because it genuinely makes me happy to converse with them.

Social media is something most of us misuse. Don’t get me wrong, I’m also a part of it. Admittedly, I sometimes get caught up in the comparison spiral, the self-doubt, and the overthinking loop of checking other people’s accounts.

So, I learned to set some boundaries, making sure that I use it to connect to people I value and a diary to post whatever I want, regardless of what other people may say.

You do you. Live your life and romanticize the s*** out of it.

7. Building > consuming

To add on tip 6, make use of your scroll time to build something. Check your screen time. You would be surprised that you spend more than an hour on social media. What do you really get from it?

Audit your time and use it to create something meaningful. You complain that you’re too busy. You’re too occupied. But your screen time says otherwise. Tiktok says otherwise. Instagram says otherwise. Facebook says otherwise.

You have enough time. You just use it to scroll and watch other people live.

Create an account. Write a business plan. Film the content you’ve always wanted to film. Post the article you’ve always wanted to share.

You never know where that takes you. You never know what doors might open for you.

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8. Explore new places

Let’s face it. Most of us aren’t trust fund babies who can travel the world whenever they want to. We have commitments, responsibilities, and bills to pay. We can’t book a flight on a random Tuesday just because we’re stressed.

So how can you explore new places? Take a train to the nearest city. Walk around the neighborhood. Talk to the locals. Check out the restaurants and cafes. You will naturally expand your worldview. You will be able to try new cuisines.

Or maybe you can take a different running route every Saturday morning. Go to a different cafe every week. Check out different art gallery each month. Not everything has to be expensive.

And if you do have the budget, travel while you’re young. You don’t have to visit 10 countries in a year. You don’t have to book fancy 5 star hotels. You don’t have to book all the activities on Klook.

Travel for the culture. For the food. For the vibes. For the company. For the memories. Travel to experience.

9. Practice gratitude

There is so much to be grateful for everyday, you just don’t see it.

Most of us wake up in the morning, rushing to go to work or uni. Yet we don’t take a moment to be grateful for waking up to another day. We don’t realize how many people lose their lives while sleeping.

We rush through life without noticing the small things. We notice the bad: the traffic, commute, noisy children on the train, the bad coffee made by the barista, and all the other things that ruin our mornings. But we don’t take time to appreciate the good: the fact that we have a car, that we are able to walk to go somewhere, we have money to buy takeaway coffee, public transport is available that can take us anywhere, and that we can wake up to another morning.

Every time you feel like life is not treating you well, take time to notice the small things. Take it from another perspective. If you’re reading this, you have access to internet and technology. Many people don’t have that. If you can read on Substack, you have time to broaden your knowledge. Not everyone has time to learn new things. If you’re tired from work, you have something that pays for your bills.

The good can exist in the bad. Change your perspective and you will see that there is literally so much to be grateful for.

Write down 3 things to be grateful for every night on your journal.

The key to happiness is gratitude.

10. Not every day can be full

As a type A overachiever, I try to optimize everything in my life. I optimize my rest, sleep, commute, and work. I like having a schedule to be followed because that’s how I stay on track. I like being organized. I like staying productive.

But there is a fine line between productivity and burnout. Maximizing each day to live your life to the fullest is simply unrealistic. There will be days where you won’t feel like doing anything. There will be days where you just want to rot in bed. There will be times where you spiral into anxiety. And you just have to let yourself go there. You have to experience the bad. Because life can’t always be good.

Not every day can be optimized. Not every opportunity has to be grabbed. You’re allowed to rest. You can be lazy at times. You don’t have to give 100% of your energy to the world every day. You would burn out if you did that.

Take each day as it is. Don’t expect that you are always at your best.

Those are all the tips I have for you today. Please comment down below if you want a part 2!

Thank you for making it to the end. If you found this article insightful or a worthwhile read, please consider subscribing to Double A Diaries.

If you liked this piece, you might enjoy our other articles too!

We write about the experience and challenges of going through adulthood (as well as our girly musings and personal epiphanies).

If you’d like to add anything, leave a comment below, or message us!

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Always be kind,

Ash 🎀

Disclaimer: Images were sourced via public digital collections. All image rights belong to their original creators.

We talk about ‘finding ourselves’ as though the self is a lost object. That it’s something we can just stumble upon and say, ‘There I am!’. But it doesn’t work that way. ‘Finding yourself’ makes personal identity sound like something that’s set in stone. I’ve been trying to ‘find myself’ for so long, but every time I think I found myself, I change. Then suddenly I have to go find myself again. And it became this endless cycle of self-discovery.

Just about 2 months ago, I thought I perfected my makeup base routine. I got really into powder foundations when the weather was cold. I played around with it, and I figured out the correct application method to blur my pores and make it last on my face the entire day. I said it was going to be how I applied makeup forever. However, as you may have assumed by now, that did not happen.

Now, the weather’s more humid. Really hot and lots of rain. If I’m not drenched in sweat, I’m drenched by the rain. The weather condition makes it difficult for the powder to stay on my face all day. Okay, you might be thinking, ‘So what? Everyone changes their makeup depending on the season.’ I just wanted to use this comparison, because I thought about all the other times I thought I finally nailed down my base routine. When I first started using makeup, I started with using a skin tint, then I moved to BB cream, then full-coverage foundation, then complexion creams, and then powder foundation, and now a dewy-finish foundation.

This applies to everything else in my life. Small things like my blush placement or the shade of my everyday lipstick, even my daily scent! And also big things concerning my personal identity, like how back then I used to live by the belief that I was a really shy person. Now, ‘shy’ isn’t a word I would use to describe myself anymore, though I do still call myself an introvert. Who knows, maybe next year, I’ll call myself an extrovert.

My point is, you don't ‘find’ who you are. You build yourself and participate in creating who you are. In fact, recent studies in psychology see identity as something that develops rather than something that is innate and would be discovered.

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Before we go any deeper, it’s important we know how to distinguish between exploration and commitment.

Exploration is literally what the word means. It’s testing out different things like beliefs, interests, lifestyles, etc. Meanwhile, commitment means deciding what you actually want to stand behind. You need both. If you explore forever without committing to anything, you’ll remain fragmented and without a personal identity. If you do the opposite, you’ll build a life around an identity you did not choose.

This is important because your twenties are when you’re supposed to do a lot of exploration. As of this point in your life, you have not explored enough or collected enough experiences to be certain that you have ‘found yourself’. And you never ever will. It’s impossible because identity is flexible; it’s built through experiences and conscious reinvention.

We put too much pressure on ourselves to make our identities consistent. We like being able to say, “I'm this kind of person,” because it gives stability. Descriptions like these are useful because they let us articulate how we see and understand ourselves. However, sometimes we can start treating these descriptions like rules without realizing. You see, it’s really easy to act a certain way when you decide you’re a certain kind of person.

For example, telling yourself you're shy would make you avoid introducing yourself to people because that's “just how you are.” In the same way, if you have ingrained in your head that you are undisciplined, you’ll stop trying to build better habits. Because what’s the point? You’re not disciplined anyway; that’s how you are. The label stops describing your behavior and starts dictating it.

If you believe there is one final real version of you that you are supposed to find, then every change you make to your identity feels like you’re betraying yourself. Like you’re not being true to yourself. You start asking: ‘But is this really me?‘ as though you need permission to evolve. Newsflash: you absolutely don't! Stop being stubborn when it comes to your identity. You are allowed to contradict yourself and to change your mind. It’s okay to become interested in something you once thought was stupid. It’s also perfectly fine to stop liking something you once loved. You are allowed to change your mind about what you want from a relationship. A friendship. A career. Anything!

We treat our past selves like there could only be one real version. Our true self. If I were shy before and I'm outgoing now, which one was I really? But both versions are real! You didn’t make a contract with anyone before you decided on your identity. You don't have to defend every opinion you've ever had. In the same way, you don't have to maintain an aesthetic even though you've spent years building a wardrobe around it.

You were yourself then. You're yourself now. You'll be yourself later.

You don’t need to finish exploring before you’re allowed to see yourself as a mature adult. It is part of becoming one. We never stop accruing new experiences. Nor do we ever stop growing. The key is: if you like it, keep doing it. If you don't, let it go. If you change your mind later, come back to it. You don't have to find yourself. Keep meeting yourself where you are and give yourself permission to become someone new.

References:

1. Verywell Mind: I Don’t Know Who I Am: What to Do If You Feel This Way

2. Wonder Mind: 5 Self-Discovery Tips Therapists Swear By

Thank you for making it to the end. If you found this article insightful or a worthwhile read, please consider subscribing to Double A Diaries. We write about the experience and challenges of going through adulthood (as well as our girly musings and personal epiphanies).

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With Love,

Andie 💗

Disclaimer: Images were sourced via public digital collections. All image rights belong to their original creators.

If we met in my 20s, you’d see that I’m not a person who embarrasses easily. Being an admittedly pretty clumsy person, who’s also been described as ditzy (ugh!) and scatterbrained despite my fierce denial, I get into a lot of seemingly awkward and embarrassing situations.

I was in the mood to reminisce today, so I decided to read through old pages of my personal diary. I came across this one page where I wrote about my first day of sophomore year in university. There was this one class where I thought I wouldn’t know anyone, and when I walked into the classroom, I spotted an acquaintance, someone I was friendly with during campus fairs and events. I was so happy to see her I started jumping and waving crazily at her from the doorway, which made everyone in the room look at me (including the professor, who I did not notice was already there).

Reading about that moment, I thought, ‘Wow, that was embarrassing’. But looking at what 19-year-old me actually wrote, I noticed I never brought up feeling embarrassed about that situation. I ended my description of that account with an ‘LOL’ and a ‘So glad I’m not alone!’.

That realization made me reflect on all the other "embarrassing" moments in my life that failed to send me into a spiral. It’s a stark contrast to my early teens, when a moment like that would have kept me awake for weeks.

Embarrassment is, at its core, a self-conscious emotion. It happens when we become aware of ourselves through the imagined eyes of other people. To never feel embarrassed is impossible because it is a natural human reaction, but you can become totally unfazed by it.

nobody is thinking about you that much!

This sounds harsh, but I mean it in the most comforting way possible. People are generally much more concerned with themselves than they are with you. There’s this psychological phenomenon called the spotlight effect, which explains the tendency to overestimate how much other people notice us. Since we experience our own lives through our point of view, everything we do feels so much more visible and a big deal than it really is.

Think about your own life. How often do you remember someone else embarrassing themselves? I admit, there are times that make us cringe and give us secondhand embarrassment. But more often than not, we don’t remember when other people (especially people we don’t know) did something embarrassing. Would you remember a stranger stumbling over their words while asking for directions a few months ago? Probably not.

embrace the cringe

One of the most common responses to feeling embarrassed is trying desperately to prove that you aren't. Don’t over-explain or immediately try to make it seem like you meant to do or say something completely different. Most of the time, the best response is to just acknowledge it and move on.

Maybe you’ve heard this before. Before you get over any negative emotion or event in your life, you have to first acknowledge it. Then, you let it go.

“Oops. That was embarrassing. Anyway...” The more you fight the feeling, the more attention you give it.

But remember! This doesn’t mean you should laugh off everything. If you’ve genuinely hurt someone, apologize. If you’ve made a mistake, correct it. If you’ve offended someone, take responsibility.

doing something embarrassing ≠ failure

This is particularly important in your 20s because you’re constantly doing things for the first time. You're meeting new people and making friends or going on dates. You could also be speaking in rooms where you don't know anyone or no one knows you. You could be trying hobbies you later find out you’re bad at. Or making big decisions with your limited life experiences. And many many more. Of course you’re going to look stupid sometimes.

This is normal! Let yourself do ‘embarrassing’ things because that’s how you’ll learn to live. The embarrassment of trying something and failing might last five minutes. The consequences of never trying can last much longer.

let yourself be seen

You cannot completely control how people perceive you. You can be kind and someone can still think you’re rude. Or you can be confident, and someone can think you’re arrogant. Maybe you’re enthusiastic, but someone can think you’re annoying. You may think that you explained yourself perfectly, and someone can still misunderstand you. You have to accept that other people's perceptions are not in your control.

There are times when considering other people's reactions is important, but more often than not, what other people think wouldn’t really affect you. It’s so liberating to just be your authentic self. You can’t spend your time trying to appease everyone! Just let them think what they think.

Building resilience against embarrassment is a psychological muscle that gets stronger with practice. Don’t feel bad if you can’t control how you react to being embarrassed right now. Again, let yourself feel it first, and then you can let it go.

Sources and References:

1. Verywell Mind: Feeling Embarrassed Is the Worst—Here’s How to Overcome It Quickly

2. Psychology Today: Embarrassment

3. PsychCentral: 6 Tips for Overcoming Embarrassment

Thank you for making it to the end. If you found this article insightful or a worthwhile read, please consider subscribing to Double A Diaries. We write about the experience and challenges of going through adulthood (as well as our girly musings and personal epiphanies).

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If you liked this piece, you might enjoy our other articles too!

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With Love,

Andie 💗

Yes, you still use it for necessary stuff. But somewhere along the way, you became overreliant on it. You use it the moment you open your eyes until the last waking moment before you sleep.

You use it on the train, on your way to work. Or maybe while having a shower, blasting your current favorite song. It follows you to the gym, because you can’t survive a workout without a podcast or music playing in the background. Hell, you can’t even survive a set without having to check what your former high school classmate ate for lunch on Instagram.

The phone was supposed to be a tool for an easier life. It was something created to prevent having to write letters just to make sure our loved ones know we’re safe.

Now, your phone has become the reason why you have no identity, no free time, and no sense of your surroundings. You can’t sit still for 5 minutes without checking your inbox. You can’t sit in silence and enjoy the view on the train ride home. You can’t enjoy an event without your phone capturing every moment. You can’t enjoy a family dinner without checking the reel your low-maintenance situationship sent you.

When I’m at the train station, I see people clinging to their phones for dear life. Looking down, unaware of their surroundings, with AirPods on, and living in their own bubble.

A bubble.

Your phone lets you live in your own bubble. You just exist in the space you consume. But you’re not present in this world. You’re present in whatever app you’re on, oblivious to nature, to the sound of the leaves rustling, to the birds chirping, and to the sunset you’ve been saving on your Pinterest board.

And people wonder why they’re always drained. People wonder why life is so dull, why it feels like they don’t have a sense of purpose, why they’re constantly overstimulated.

Yes, mom. It’s that damn phone.

Ever stopped and noticed how many people are not on their phones on the train?

You don’t know. Cause you’re part of the group. Not just you. We all are.

Nobody is exempt from this. We’ve been so comfortable with our phones that we have forgotten to have a life outside of them.

We’re constantly online, checking other people’s lives, that we have forgotten to check in on ourselves.

But the problem is, we need our phones now. We’ve become conditioned as a society to become reliant on them. We need them for work, uni, and social connection.

So how do we stop our phones from becoming like our toxic exes?

By having boundaries to follow.

We have to be more mindful of our phone use. Don’t use them while walking, even though you can. Don’t carry it around everywhere you go. Don’t make it your world. You don’t have to be updated with everyone’s business 24/7. Log in and log out as required.

You can be a good friend and reply when you have the energy to.

You can be educated without needing to read every Substack article on your feed.

Make use of your computer. Set a screen time limit.

Put it away before you go to bed. You don’t have to check your notifications first thing in the morning.

You have a life to live. You have friends to hang out with. You have family to see. And you have hobbies to enjoy.

Your parasocial relationship with your phone might give you benefits. And let’s stick to them. But not every relationship is perfect. So if the cons are outweighing the pros, it’s not even worth it anymore.

It’s time to break up with it.

Thank you for making it to the end. If you found this article insightful or a worthwhile read, please consider subscribing to Double A Diaries. We write about the experience and challenges of going through adulthood (as well as our girly musings and personal epiphanies).

If you’d like to add anything, leave a comment below, or message us!

Leave a comment

Always be kind,

Ash 🎀

If this were me 1 year ago, she would’ve hated the day and just stayed in bed, curled up, rotting, and wasting her precious time scrolling on her phone. She would’ve blamed the universe and just felt so low the whole day.

We all have our bad days; we all have those moments of not feeling like we can conquer the world. It’s normal, and it’s a universal human experience.

But just because your day didn’t start like the one you planned before you went to bed, it doesn’t mean that you can’t turn it into a good one.

So here are some tips I have for you to turn your day upside down:

1. Start with movement

We all know the feeling of waking up with heightened cortisol and a nervous system out of whack. That’s why I believe the best medicine in life is movement.

According to Cleaveland Clinic Health (2023), movement lowers cortisol, releases endorphins and dopamine, relieves tight muscles, and shifts your focus.

It helps with overthinking and brain fog. Additionally, it makes you feel in control of your life.

You can start the morning with 5 minutes of light yoga, a 10-20 minute walk outside, a few jumping jacks when you get out of bed, or even just a light stretch in bed!

It doesn’t have to be 2 hours in the gym. Sometimes, light movement is the key to that dopamine boost you’re craving.

Quick tip: Always lay out your workout clothes the night before so you don’t have time to decide in the morning.

2. Have a shower

According to Goto et al. (2018), having a shower improved mental and physical health. It lowers stress hormone levels, releases feel-good hormones, and raises dopamine levels.

Personally, I prefer warm showers because of winter. But during summer, I tend to take colder ones.

Warm showers ease physical tension and body aches while cold showers increase oxygen intake and alertness. Cold showers also make you feel stronger for taking a challenge, sitting with the uncomfortable feeling, and choosing the more difficult option.

But at the end of the day, whatever option you choose, a shower still proves to be beneficial to help improve your mood.

A quick shower after a workout is one of the absolute best feelings in the world. Am I right?

3. Change your environment

Your environment acts as a mirror and anchor of your mood. It directly impacts how you feel, think, and react.

Staying in your room with dim lighting triggers the sleep hormone, melatonin, that makes you want to curl up in bed and rot. On the other hand, bright light boosts alertness and serotonin. That’s why bleak weather generally makes your mood low.

So the key is changing your environment and getting exposed to sunlight (or light).

I decided to go to the cafe because I needed to push myself to get out of my bed. It genuinely helped me take control of my life and reminded me that even though I started the day feeling the absolute worst, I can still turn it around just by stepping out of the house.

If it’s rainy outside and there’s absolutely no way of getting out of your house, you can change your environment inside. Clear your space and remove clutter to reduce mental load. Turn on the light and play happy music.

Do whatever you can, no matter how small it is, to alter your environment.

4. Write down the thoughts

Let’s face it. Sometimes, as much as we help ourselves, our minds are still cluttered with mental noise. Those deep-rooted thoughts won’t rid themselves. You have to write them down and let the pen guide you.

Writing down your thoughts can act as an emotional release valve, moving your feelings from one place to another. It can help create psychological distance, help your brain to identify triggers, and help it structure your emotions.

I call it a brain dump. It helps me identify what I need to focus on and what I need to put on pause. Sometimes, your brain just gets overwhelmed and needs additional space.

If you’re feeling confused, try writing those thoughts down. I promise it can help you think more strategically and alleviate some pressure.

5. Call someone

Feelings of isolation can make you feel lonely. It affects your mood and decisions. It makes you live in your head longer than necessary.

Calling someone can replace these feelings of isolation with connection. According to Suttie (2025), making a phone call can help ease loneliness by letting you hear a real human voice. It can help you change your perspective and snap you out of your rumination.

As social beings, we thrive on connection. Connection lowers cortisol, releases oxytocin, and distracts us from our problems.

It doesn’t have to be a partner. Sometimes, the best person to call is your grandma or your best friend.

Also, if you have no one to lean on, feel free to reach out!

Andie and I would love to make new friends :)

6. Give yourself permission to stay idle

You won’t feel like your best every day. That’s just the reality of life. Sometimes, feeling low is just a cry for help. Sometimes, it’s just our body telling us that we’ve done enough and we need to allow ourselves to sleep.

So, give yourself some grace if you can’t turn the bad day around.

Give yourself some grace if you wasted a day in your room.

Give yourself some grace and allow yourself to not make the most logical decisions at times.

Allow yourself to not be perfect all the time. To not be able to perform all the time. To have bad days.

Just remember that at your lowest, there’s no way to go but up.

So if you’ve been feeling low for a couple of days or weeks now and you feel like you’re never going to get out of your spiral, remember that life moves in phases, and phases are temporary.

References:

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC6011066/

https://health.clevelandclinic.org/6-ways-to-turn-around-your-no-good-very-bad-day

https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/the_research_backed_benefits_of_calling_friends_and_family

Thank you for making it to the end. If you found this article insightful or a worthwhile read, please consider subscribing to Double A Diaries. We write about the experience and challenges of going through adulthood (as well as our girly musings and personal epiphanies).

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Always be kind,

Ash 🎀

When I was little, I treated age like levels in a video game. Every birthday, I unlocked a new level. It was exciting to think I’m one year closer to becoming a teenager. Back then, I thought teenagers = cool people. They party and dance and fall in love. Then I became a teen, and I did party (only at 19), I danced (mostly in my room), and definitely did not fall in love. As I got older, my thinking about aging started to evolve. From romanticizing teenage life, I started romanticizing adulthood. I now dream of getting my own place, getting my first full-time job, starting a business, traveling the world, etc. etc.

If you’ve read some of our entries before, you’d know Ashley and I are in our early 20s. We’re both in our last year of university, and quite literally just getting started on our (real) adulthood journeys. And it’s going fast—too fast for my liking. My birthday is next month, and earlier today I wrote in my journal: Getting older! I’m scared!.

When I was little, and even when I was a teenager, my life was (sort of) predictable. Nothing I did seemed like a big deal. The decisions I made weren’t life-changing (except the one I made about which program to take in university) and I could easily bounce back from a wrong choice. But now, I feel this heavy pressure. A very scary uncertainty about what my future will be. I’m a very optimistic person. When I was in elementary school, I experienced bullying that made me resilient. Since I had no friends, I was forced to spend time by myself, and through that I really got to know myself and love myself. Back then, change was something I actively prayed for. When you’re at the bottom, change is a comfort because you know there’s nowhere to go but up. Now, I love myself too much to ever imagine a bleak future for who I'm becoming. Deep down, I know good things are coming for me, but that certainty doesn't erase the anxiety of stepping out into the world on my own. I’m still excited for change and for what’s coming, but now, that excitement carries a (gut-wrenching, heart-racing, wanting-to-throw-up) fear.

The thing I noticed about me getting older is that I don’t feel like a different person from the little kid who was eagerly anticipating her teenage years, or the teenager who was dreaming all sorts of paths she could take as a fully-functioning, independent adult. I’m still them, but now I’m tasked with making high-stakes decisions. The fear I have isn’t that I’m not ready, or the future won’t be good. I think it mostly stems from the realization that I’m in charge now. I’m writing the story!

What gets me through is thinking that if little me managed to build a life she loved while going through hard times, I owe it to her to figure out this next chapter too. As Natasha Bedingfield said (or rather, sang): The rest is still unwritten!

Thank you for making it to the end. If you found this article insightful or a worthwhile read, please consider subscribing to Double A Diaries. We write about the experience and challenges of going through adulthood (as well as our girly musings and personal epiphanies).

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With Love,

Andie 💗

And you want to become hotter.

There’s nothing wrong with admitting that.

But the internet has made the concept of a “glow-up” unnecessarily complicated. Suddenly we're talking about expensive treatments, twelve-step skincare routines, body sculpting, supplements, clothes that cost a fortune, and whatever new form of beauty maxxing TikTok has decided we need this week.

Please, we’re busy.

As someone who’s gone through a pretty dramatic glow-up (if I do say so myself), I know that a real glow-up is much less dramatic. It also isn’t something you can do in 30 days, despite what many influencers would want you to believe. It's mostly about learning how to take care of yourself and becoming more intentional about how you present yourself to the world.

Welcome to Hot Girl Bootcamp. No military experience required.

back to basics

Before you buy some fancy serums or outfits, you have to master the basics. Physical attractiveness is deeply tied to signals of health, what psychologists call the Halo Effect, where looking put-together leads the world to perceive you as capable, smart, and trustworthy.

Look at yourself for signals that you aren’t in good health. Do you maintain proper hygiene? Is your hair always dirty? Do you have visible dandruff? Is your hair breaking? Do you have unmanaged acne?

If you’re dealing with health problems that affect your appearance, like persistent acne, severe scalp conditions, or hormonal shifts, my biggest advice is to skip the guesswork and go straight to a professional. Sidebar about my own experience: most people get acne in their early teens, but mine decided to make a dramatic entrance at 18. It wasn’t mild acne either; it was completely unmanageable and all over my face. I bought everything I could buy, I exercised, ate healthy—everything! I tried fixing it by myself for a year, but to no effect. Nothing changed until I went to the dermatologist. She prescribed me some oral antibiotics, and boom! No more acne.

I know that with the abundance of resources on the internet, it’s easy to think that we could solve these problems by ourselves. But there’s nothing wrong with asking for professional help. In fact, delegating your health to someone who actually went to medical school for it will save you so much time, money, and energy.

It goes without saying that you shouldn’t feel bad for dealing with problems like these. Please don't beat yourself up for going through a bad skin or hair era. Everything shifts with time, and you will reach a point where your skin or hair feels healthy again. Before you start your glow-up journey, it’s important to accept yourself at the state you’re currently in. True glow-ups don't start from a place of self-loathing; they start when you decide to care for yourself as you are today.

However, there are things you could change today. For example: hygiene.

Oral Hygiene:

Besides brushing twice daily, you can also incorporate tongue scraping to remove odor-causing bacteria. Also, daily flossing isn't optional! When it comes to whitening or other dental tweaks, you should aim for a healthy bright rather than aggressively artificial-looking teeth.

Body Hygiene:

Shower every day! If you live in a warmer climate or work out, you should shower twice-daily. Make sure you’re properly washing behind your ears and using a clean washcloth or exfoliating towel to slough off dead skin. Pay attention to underarm care, too. Keep the area clean and use a good deodorant to cut down on trapped body odor. Friendly reminder: when it comes to intimate feminine hygiene, use gentle external cleansers. Internal douching can disrupt your natural microbiome and cause more harm than good. Adding to that, be aware of how your feet smell. There are deodorizing sprays and powders you can use before putting socks on to prevent your feet from smelling.

Don’t forget fragrance! Smelling good is an instant confidence booster, and you don’t need to drop half your paycheck on niche perfumes to achieve it. The key is to layer your products and make sure the products you use add up to a cohesive scent. I start with a hydrating lotion or body oil straight out of the shower while my skin is still damp to lock in moisture and lock down scent. Then, I keep a light mist/spray for daytime errands. I usually save the warm, richer scents for nighttime or special occasions.

Coming from a pretty frugal Asian household, I grew up using fragrance oils and inexpensive body mists. Even now when I can buy my own perfumes, I always go back to using my oils. I noticed the scent lasts longer that way. You can use whatever fragrance medium works for you.

Other Grooming Details:

The difference between looking just okay and looking polished is almost always in the maintenance. Clean, manicured hands (even if you just clip, file, and apply a clear coat or neutral polish at home) show that you take care of yourself. Keep your hair tools washed, change your pillowcases frequently (silk or satin pillowcases are a skin and hair game-changer), and clean your makeup brushes at least once a week so you aren't rubbing old bacteria back onto your face.

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play to your strengths

Once you’ve nailed down the basics of hygiene and basic grooming, the next stage of glowing up is about understanding your natural shape, contrast, and color harmony.

Research shows that higher contrast between your facial features (brows, eyes, lips) and your skin tone naturally signals health, youth, and vitality. You don't need heavy foundation to achieve this. A neatly filled-in brow that frames your bone structure and a lip tint or liner close to your natural flush instantly brings your face to life.

Color Seasons and Color Analysis

Stop buying clothes and accessories just because they looked good on an influencer or on a hanger. Learning your seasonal color palette is one of the easiest shortcuts to looking fresh without extra makeup. Color analysis categorizes skin, hair, and eye tones into four main seasons based on temperature (cool vs. warm), value (light vs. deep), and chroma (bright vs. muted):

• Spring: Warm, light, and clear/bright (think peach, coral, warm camel, gold).

• Summer: Cool, light, and soft/muted (think rose, slate blue, lavender, silver).

• Autumn: Warm, deep, and rich/muted (think olive, rust, terracotta, warm chocolate).

• Winter: Cool, deep, and high-contrast (think emerald, cobalt, true black, stark white).

I personally never went in for a professional color analysis. I found my color season based on the clothes that look good on me. I believe I'm a deep winter. I have pale skin with a neutral-cool undertone and dark hair, and I look best in darker clothes that contrast with my skin, and feel washed out in pastels and muted beiges (I’m very sad about this because I love pastels).

Look at your favorite outfits or the outfits that look best on you. What colors are they? What color season are they most aligned with? This is the easiest way to determine your color season. Wearing colors within your correct seasonal palette turns down skin redness, hides dark under-eye circles, and instantly makes your complexion look brighter and healthier.

Shapes & Kibbe Types

Instead of fighting your natural silhouette, learn how fabric interacts with your frame.

• Geometric Body Shapes: Focuses on horizontal proportions (Hourglass, Pear/Triangle, Rectangle, Inverted Triangle, Apple). Knowing your shape helps you balance proportions. For example, bringing focus to your waist if you’re an hourglass, or adding volume to the shoulders/chest if you’re a pear shape to create visual symmetry.

• The Kibbe System: This system focuses on your body's overall line, bone structure, and balance of Yin (softness, curves, delicacy) vs. Yang (sharpness, width, elongation).

  • Dramatic (Sharp Yang): Long, lean, and angular. Looks best in crisp, tailored, longline silhouettes.

  • Romantic (Soft Yin): Curvy, soft, and delicate bone structure. Looks best in soft, waist-emphasizing, draped fabrics.

  • Classic (Balanced Yin/Yang): Symmetrical, moderate height, and evenly proportioned. Looks best in clean, timeless, uncomplicated lines.

  • Natural (Blunt Yang): Broad, open frame with relaxed athleticism. Looks best in unconstructed, textured, effortless silhouettes.

  • Gamine (Compact Yin/Yang): Petite, playful, and sharp. Looks best in high-contrast, broken lines, and tailored micro-details.

When clothes actually honor your true shape and seasonal palette, you will look effortlessly put-together without having to alter a single thing about your body.

develop your personal style

Understanding your body geometry and color season paves the way to developing your personal style. Developing a personal style isn’t done by throwing out your entire closet and going on a massive shopping spree. In fact, true style comes from learning how to shop from your own wardrobe first.

Build a Capsule Wardrobe

Pull out the pieces in your closet that already match your color palette and suit your body shape. You'll probably realize you already own basic pieces to build your signature look. When we hear the term ‘capsule wardrobe’ most people think boring neutrals. But a capsule wardrobe doesn't mean a boring, monochrome sea of beige and black (unless that's your vibe). A functional capsule wardrobe simply means clothes that easily mix and match. If your season is Spring or Autumn, your capsule can be full of rich corals, warm olives, terracottas, and golds that all go well together. Once you’ve built the core of your wardrobe from what you already have, identify what’s missing. Buy only a few high-quality, versatile pieces to fill those holes.

Wear Flattering Makeup

If you’re a person who wears makeup, make sure it works with your natural features rather than just going along with trends that don’t do your beautiful face justice. Makeup is at its best when it elevates your natural symmetry and facial contrast. If you have delicate, soft features, heavy contouring and intense eyeliner might overpower your face. Use your color analysis for your makeup bag, too. A lip tint or blush in your exact seasonal undertone (warm peach for Springs, cool berry for Winters) instantly brightens your skin tone without needing heavy foundation. Focus on defining your brows, framing your eyes, and adding a flush to your lips. Enhance what you have rather than trying to draw on a totally new face.

feeding your mind

You cannot have a true glow-up if your brain is constantly unstimulated. Mental clarity shows up in your eyes, your posture, and how articulate you are when you speak. Chronic multitasking and endless short-form video consumption shrink your focus. Practice single-tasking like reading books, listening to full audiobook chapters or podcast episodes, or working on a single project for at least 30 uninterrupted minutes to rebuild your cognitive focus.

Be strict about what enters your mind. Unfollow accounts that trigger comparison or self-doubt. Subscribe to newsletters, essays, or podcasts that teach you skills, broaden your perspective, or deepen your creativity. A hot girl isn't just visually appealing; she's interesting. Learn new technical tools, dive into deep topics, practice a language, or pick up a creative hobby. Intellectual depth gives you an unshakeable, authentic confidence that no cosmetic product can replicate.

I’m currently in my final year of university. Staying knowledgeable and curious about things outside my major takes effort, but is doable. I make sure to feed my mind through reading books/listening to audiobooks. I also feed my creativity through journaling, writing poems, and this newsletter.

It’s very important to not lose sight of the other aspects of our lives when starting a glow-up journey. Focusing solely on the physical would lead us to a shallow, hollow transformation. If all your energy goes into optimizing your exterior, you’ll end up like a polished package with nothing inside it. You become hyper-fixated on how you are being perceived rather than how you are experiencing your life. A holistic glow-up is building stability across every dimension of yourself. Don't abandon your friendships, your academic or professional goals, and your artistic outlets.

maintaining your glow-up

Finally, long-term transformation is built through simple healthy habits (not unsustainable crash diets or 10-step viral skincare routines).

Skincare

We live in our skin. Let’s keep it healthy. Once you’re free from skin conditions where you need professional help, like acne, the next thing you need to do is maintain your beautiful skin. As advised by my dermatologist, I narrow down my daily routine to three core essentials:

1. A Gentle Cleanser matched to my skin type. I use the Dove beauty bar. Simple, cheap, and available anywhere.

2. A barrier-repairing moisturizer. Look for ingredients like Ceramides, Centella Asiatica (Cica), Niacinamide, or Panthenol. I actually use a centella essence before applying my moisturizer. I found that keeping my skin moisturized makes it heal so much faster. Whenever I have the occasional breakout, the pimple heals in like a day.

3. Broad-Spectrum Sunscreen (SPF 30+)! Non-negotiable daily wear. UVA rays penetrate glass and clouds, breaking down collagen and causing premature fine lines.

And remember: if you ever decide to explore advanced clinical procedures like microneedling or lasers, always consult a licensed medical professional to keep safe.

Fitness

Exercise is an investment in your posture, circulation, and mental clarity. Focus on progressive strength training to build muscle density and tone, paired with mobility work to keep your movement fluid and relaxed. Prioritize 7 to 9 hours of quality restorative sleep every night for cellular recovery. Try sleeping with a silk or satin pillowcase to prevent pillow friction, wrinkles, and hair breakage.

Also, be mindful of what you put in your body. Reduce refined sugars (which cause collagen breakdown through glycation) and cut down on excess alcohol (which causes mid-face volume loss and chronic inflammation). Load up on rich Omega-3 fatty acids and clean hydration to keep your skin plump and radiant from within.

A real glow-up doesn’t happen in 30 days. It takes months, even years, of consistent work and self-prioritization. When you care for your body with clean daily habits, simplify your skincare, wear clothes that honor your shape, and protect your mental peace, the transformation happens easily. The best way to glow up is to show up for yourself every day.

Thank you for making it to the end. If you found this article insightful or a worthwhile read, please consider subscribing to Double A Diaries. We write about the experience and challenges of going through adulthood (as well as our girly musings and personal epiphanies).

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With Love,

Andie 💗

But maybe that's not the case today, because you didn't see her in the foyer.

So you go to the kitchen, expecting the smell of fresh basil and lime, hoping that she is cooking your favorite meal, one that you can eat every single day for a lifetime.

She's not there either. So, you go upstairs and check your bedroom. And so, you think that she's probably reading in the study.

Hurriedly, you knock on the door to check if she's there. Nobody answers your knocks, so you just barge into the room.

You find her lying face down, probably sleeping. But when you call her, once, twice, and shake her whole body, lighter for whatever reason, she doesn't respond. You check her pulse, and you find there's none. You convince yourself that maybe you just couldn't find the pulse and she's just in a deep sleep. Or maybe not.

With adrenaline gushing through your veins, you ring the emergency hotline because it's the only thing you can do. You can't frantically call for help because nobody except the two of you lives inside the lavish mansion overlooking the sea— in the most expensive suburb in the country, living the dream, travelling the world, not having any financial troubles, so in love. Yet, in the blink of an eye, on a random Tuesday night, your life turned 180 degrees. 

So, you just wait for help to arrive. 

After five minutes that felt like ten years for you, paramedics rushed through your doors carrying medical kits and CPR kits, with walkie-talkies hanging on their pants. 

After eight minutes of CPR, she finally had a pulse. And all you could do was cry, believing a miracle happened because God gave her another chance to live. 

I just finished a 12-hour shift today, one of the most devastating and impactful shifts of my life.

I was looking after a woman in her 60s, with her husband at the bedside, telling me how he found her wife exactly 18 days ago.

The patient was a microbiologist, a researcher at one of the most prestigious universities in Sydney, and a humanitarian who traveled the world to help underprivileged communities.

She had an out-of-hospital cardiac arrest, which occurs when the heart suddenly stops beating outside of a hospital. She didn’t have any prior symptoms or past medical conditions. She was healthy and had the rest of her life planned out.

Some friends of hers who visited told me that they believe she can go back to her usual life. Her husband knew the facts. He knew what was coming. And he accepted it, yielding defeat.

You would hope for a miracle in situations like hers, and I truly hope one can happen. But medicine tells otherwise; her brain has been severely injured. She’s never going back to her usual state. She has a pulse; she can move her limbs, open her eyes, defecate, and sleep like a normal human, but she is not there anymore.

And I think the hardest part to accept is that they can either leave her like that, suffering for eternity, or make peace with the fact that she’s never coming back, and the only way forward is to accept palliative care or end-of-life care.

I've been working in healthcare for almost two years now, meeting people from different walks of life. I've seen dead bodies. I've seen blood all over the floor. I think I've seen a lot at an early stage of my career, and sometimes I feel desensitized to seeing people go through the worst.

Don’t get me wrong, I empathize with them. I know how difficult it is to experience chronic pain. But do I lose sleep over that? No. It’s a job, and like any other job, you have to detach to make sure that it doesn’t consume you, because you still have your life to live at the end of the day.

However, you can’t help but have certain situations move you in ways that reframe your mindset.

You know for a fact that life is short, and that you have to enjoy each moment, but I don’t think you are reminded every day that someone you love can be gone in the next minute, hour, or day.

Remember that you can never return to this exact moment. You can never be this young again. You can never turn back time. You can never have this level of access to people you care for.

So enjoy the life phase you’re in. Tell people how much you appreciate them. Protect your peace. Do what you love. Treat each morning like it’s the most precious blessing you can have.

Make the most out of what you have each day. Practice gratitude as it’s the key to happiness. Stop watching other people live. Ignore the noise and focus on your life. Focus on what brings you joy and peace.

Life is fickle, and you never know what can happen in the blink of an eye.

Thank you for making it to the end. If you found this article insightful or a worthwhile read, please consider subscribing to Double A Diaries. We write about the experience and challenges of going through adulthood (as well as our girly musings and personal epiphanies).

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Always be kind,

Ash 🎀

Before I share with you some tips on how to plan your week. I just want to say that I understand that we all have different lifestyles, schedules, and situations. There is no one-size-fits-all plan for everyone, but there are ways to maximize your time and output.

In this article, I want to share with you how I manage my week as a full-time uni student working 2 jobs, living alone, working out 3-4x a week, managing chores, enjoying life, and planning my future.

1. Google Calendar is my best friend

Now, this is not my final plan of the week yet, as it’s scheduled for the 2nd week of August and I just drafted it to show you how I time block. Every Sunday after Mass or after my shift, I plan for the week ahead.

I first put the essential things to do like attending classes, going to work, and attending meetings. Then, I schedule my workout sessions, making sure I get rest between each day. I then put where I can do my laundry, meal prep, buy groceries, and other chores.

You might think it’s tedious— planning your week like a robot. But to be fair, it works. It makes me get everything I need done, have my priorities in check, and it makes me not miss out on my self-care routine and rest periods. I also get a minimum of 7 hours of sleep every night, despite my busy schedule!

Your schedule will look different than mine; it may be more or less hectic. And that’s completely fine! If you think you have no time, try time blocking and scheduling your tasks for the week. I promise, you will find extra time that you otherwise might’ve spent doom scrolling (guilty as charged).

2. Tweak your schedule!

When you start time-blocking your days/week, it will start to seem that you are doing so much at once, leading to burnout and fatigue. It’s important to find which time you work best, and do the task during that time.

For example, I perform my best at the gym in the morning. I tried working out in the afternoon, but it made me more tired. So, I just decided to stick to morning workouts.

Every Sunday, before you plan your week, reflect on your previous week and then work from there. Remember to always strive to be 1% better every day— in this case, every week.

3. Rest is key

Productive rest is when your definition of rest still contributes to getting the work done and improving your life in some way.

I urge you to focus on 3 important domains in your life.

• The first one is creative domain, like writing, drawing, photography, and the like.

• The second one is intellectual domain, like reading books, studying philosophy, or even studying for a university degree.

• The third one is physical domain, such as playing any type of sport or working out in general.

I’m not telling you to be good at all three. You don’t have to be the most creative, the smartest, or the best athlete. But choosing one activity in each pursuit will make you have a reprieve from the other domain, making rest productive and enjoyable for you. The secret is that you have to love each activity to make it feel like you are resting from the other one.

Non-productive rest is what people mistake for doomscrolling. No, we don’t want cheap dopamine. You have to find something enjoyable that energizes you and adds little to no significance to your goals. This can be reading romance novels, crocheting, baking, watching DIML vlogs, or other whimsical activities!

Yes, life should also not be taken seriously at times. Do what makes you feel alive.

4. Prioritize sleep

Hustle culture teaches us that sleep is for the weak. That was what I also believed throughout high school and my first year of university.

Who cares if you got 8 hours of sleep if you don’t get the perfect score?

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), 7-9 hours of sleep is essential for our health and wellbeing.

It’s important to note that productivity shouldn’t overlook your health and wellbeing, so make sure that you get enough sleep, as this is a peak indicator for longevity and performance.

5. Not every week is the same

Remember that no 2 weeks are the same. One week might be more productive than the other, and that’s completely fine. We don’t have to maximize each week. Not every week has to be perfect. So if your previous week was more eventful than the current one, don’t feel guilty about it.

You have to remember that life is composed of mundane days as well. Andie wrote about that! Check her article out :) https://doubleadiaries.substack.com/p/how-ordinary-how-beautiful

6. There won’t be time for everything

As for everything in life, you can’t have it all. Social media is fake, so don’t believe people who have every single day of the week perfect and planned out. Everyone is always trading off something.

You have 24 hours in a day, but you also only have 24 hours in a day. You can do so many things in 24 hours, but you can’t do everything. So make sure to be gentle with yourself, and don’t overfill your cup.

Those are all the tips I have for you. Happy planning :)

Thank you for making it to the end. If you found this article insightful or a worthwhile read, please consider subscribing to Double A Diaries. We write about the experience and challenges of going through adulthood (as well as our girly musings and personal epiphanies).

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Always be kind,

Ash 🎀

There are days that feel so ordinary, they barely register. The alarm goes off. You complain about getting out of bed. You make the same breakfast you’ve made all week. You take the same route to work or school, see the same people, and come home thinking, Nothing really happened today.

For a long time, I thought those were the days that didn’t count. I was always waiting for the memorable ones instead. I thought life was measured in milestones, and everything in between was just... nothing.

Lately, though, I’ve started wondering if I had it backwards. Because when I think about the seasons of my life that I miss the most, I don’t remember the milestones first. I remember dinners with my family before everyone got busy. Or the walks home after class with a friend I don’t see much anymore. None of those moments felt significant while they were happening. That’s the thing about ordinary days, you never think they’re important. They’re just ordinary until they aren’t.

I’m about a week into my midyear break from university, and I’ve been having a lot of these boring, ordinary days. Like today, I spent almost all day binge watching I almost didn’t write this article. A day like today is unremarkable, but I doubt I’ll feel this way next month when I go back to my grueling life as a busy (graduating!) university student. When I become busy with my requirements, I’ll look back on boring rest days like this with the same longing I presume a dehydrated houseplant feels for a splash of summer rain.

It’s funny how “ordinary” changes throughout life. When I was little, ordinary was riding the school bus home from school at noon and watching Winx Club on the TV while my mom makes lunch. A few years ago in high school, it was waking up early in the morning to go to school, then commuting home with my friends. In university, it’s living away from home and missing my parents’ food. Next year when I graduate and get a job, I’m going to have another version of ordinary. We spend so much of our lives trying to get to the next chapter that we forget we're living in one.

It’s true when they say there is beauty in the mundane. Life can’t be full of highlights. Just like a textbook, if you highlight everything, you highlight nothing.

Thank you for making it to the end. If you found this article insightful or a worthwhile read, please consider subscribing to Double A Diaries. We write about the experience and challenges of going through adulthood (as well as our girly musings and personal epiphanies).

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With Love,

Andie 💗

At the time, I thought getting comfortable with my own company was the final boss. But recently, I realized there’s an important distinction I didn’t get into in that last article: being comfortable with your own company is not the same as actually enjoying it.

Being comfortable alone is passive. It’s tolerating the silence. It’s sitting alone without panicking that people are watching you. Enjoying your own company, on the other hand, is active. It means you aren't just enduring your own presence until someone else shows up; you’re genuinely having a good time with yourself. If you’ve already mastered being okay in the quiet and want to move toward actually liking it, here’s the Double A guide to bridging that gap.

separate tolerance from pleasure

You can be perfectly comfortable eating a solo meal or sitting in a lobby with a dead phone, but still feel like you're just passing time until real life resumes with other people. The first step to enjoying your own company is recognizing whether you're simply tolerating your solitude or genuinely engaged in what you're doing. Not every moment you spend alone has to be enjoyable.

Just like when you’re around friends, sometimes there are things you do together that aren’t necessarily enjoyable, but you’re comfortable doing. For example, studying at a library together where the librarians are strict and you can’t talk. That probably isn't what comes to mind when you think of an enjoyable moment. But because we're with someone we enjoy being around, those less exciting moments become part of the experience rather than something to endure.

On that thought, let’s move on to the second point.

treat yourself like a friend you actually like

Think about how you act around a close friend. You listen to their stories, you laugh at their jokes, and you don’t constantly critique how they speak or sit. Yet when we are alone, our internal dialogue often shifts into a hyper-critical commentary. Most people don’t enjoy their own company because their internal monologue is exhausting to hang out with. Pay attention to how you speak to yourself when no one is around. You don’t need toxic positivity, but practicing basic neutrality and treating your own thoughts with the same grace you give a friend makes your mind a much nicer place to spend an afternoon.

become someone you would enjoy spending time with

This builds on the previous point. Think about your favorite people. They’re probably curious. They have interests. They tell good stories. They have opinions about books, movies, music, or places they’ve been. They’re always learning something new. Now ask yourself a different question: If a new friend had to spend an afternoon with you, and you had to choose what to do and what to talk about, what would you do?

It's hard to enjoy your own company if you don't find yourself enjoyable. Be more interesting! Read books that make you think. Learn a recipe you’ve always wanted to try. Pick up a hobby because it sounds fun, not because it’s productive. Develop interests that exist whether or not anyone is watching. The more interesting your inner life becomes, the less you’ll depend on constant company to keep boredom away.

keep promises to yourself

We usually think of trust as something we build with other people. But you build trust with yourself the same way: by following through. If you say you’re going to wake up early for a walk, do it. If you promise yourself you’ll finish that book, keep reading. Every small promise you keep tells yourself, I can rely on me. And it’s hard to enjoy someone’s company if you don’t trust them.

Make yourself someone you can trust. You wouldn’t enjoy being in someone else’s company if you knew they weren’t trustworthy.

make a list of things only you enjoy

By only, I don’t mean you’re the only one in the world who enjoys those things. I mean something you enjoy that people you’re close with don’t. When we are always around friends or family, our tastes naturally blend with theirs. We watch the shows they like, eat at the restaurants they prefer, and adopt their opinions.

Enjoying your own company requires having things that belong exclusively to you. Mine include:

• writing shitty poems

  • I like making challenges for myself (e.g. rhyming the first and last word of every line). I could spend hours doing this and the things I come up with are very funny to me.

• trying on clothes and making an outfit bank

  • I like trying on different combinations of clothes so I can come up with outfit ideas, even when I don’t have anywhere to go.

• auditing my life plans

  • If you know me, you’d know I am a Huge (capital H) planner. I love love love planning. When I’m bored, I just take a piece of paper or open my notes app and I plan my week, my day, the next five, ten, or thirty years of my life.

• cooking/making myself a snack

  • This one’s double fun. I have fun making my snack, then I have fun eating my snack :D

• reading happy books

  • Recently, I started to enjoy reading fun, lighthearted books where nothing bad happens. Most recently, I read “The Very Secret Society of Irregular Witches” by Sangu Mandanna, and “The House in the Cerulean Sea” by TJ Klune.

Comfort is the baseline, but enjoyment is the goal. Learning to enjoy your own company isn’t about becoming completely self-sufficient. We all need people. We all need community. It’s about making sure your happiness doesn’t disappear the moment everyone else gets busy. Most of life isn't made up of birthdays, vacations, or celebrations. It's made up of ordinary Tuesday afternoons. Learning to enjoy your own company is learning how to enjoy more of your life.

Thank you for making it to the end. If you found this article insightful or a worthwhile read, please consider subscribing to Double A Diaries. We write about the experience and challenges of going through adulthood (as well as our girly musings and personal epiphanies).

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With Love,

Andie 💗

Yet, at the back of my mind, I know that success will come at a price. It will cost me my youth, time away from family, and time to travel.

Can’t we just have it all?

I do think we can both enjoy life and chase success.

The key is enjoying the process.

In reality, you’re not chasing the goal; you’re chasing the high. You want the feeling of relief. Yes, you did it. Yes, you achieved another milestone. What’s next? You set another goal.

Goal after goal after goal. In the end, you never get satisfied. You never feel that you’ve made it. Cause there will always be a bigger opportunity than the current opportunity handed to you.

The key is to fall in love with the process. The routine is what matters. You have to love being consistent.

Success is just the outcome of continuous work. It’s the result of you enjoying the process. Because no matter how badly you want something, if you don’t like what you’re doing, you will feel like you’re trading off something not worth the trade-off for your dreams.

The first article I wrote was about my contemplation of what I should really do in my 20s. And you know what? I realized that I can just live. I can just enjoy each day, live in the moment, and stay consistent with my plans. I don’t have to go to different countries each month. I don’t have to work 80 hours each week just to prove to myself that I’m passionate about my work. I don’t have to go to extreme lengths just to show other people that I am doing the work.

Looking back, I think chasing success for me just meant chasing peace. And right now, peace for me is enjoying the work. Peace for me is knowing that I did my best, even though my best was just 10 minutes of cardio. Or probably just being able to cook one cozy meal cause I was tired of meal prep.

Success doesn’t mean getting $200k/year. It doesn’t mean being able to travel to 10 countries each year. It doesn’t mean being able to drive a fancy lambo or own a Tesla.

It’s having the freedom to do what you want. It means being able to enjoy your favorite breakfast and a nice cup of coffee in the morning, with no one rushing you. It means being able to go out with your friends and having the means to eat at a restaurant you saw on IG. It means being able to express your love to people you treasure because life is not all about career and money.

Being successful doesn’t mean having a job title. Success means having peace. Knowing that your next meal is secured. You have things to be grateful for every day. You have small wins to celebrate. You are living each day with no regrets.

Because I think that’s the point of life. So if you ask me if I’m successful? Yes, I am. I am still in the process of getting that title. I am still trying my best to figure out my 20s. I’m still trying to learn how to drive a car. I am still trying to resolve my childhood issues. I am still learning how to write better.

But I am at peace, and that’s why I’m successful.

Thank you for making it to the end. If you found this article insightful or a worthwhile read, please consider subscribing to Double A Diaries. We write about the experience and challenges of going through adulthood (as well as our girly musings and personal epiphanies).

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Always be kind,

Ash 🎀

1. Date yourself first

Most people my age go into dating with the intention of finding a romantic partner. They want to enjoy the company of other people and get to know them. But honestly, I think the point of dating is getting to know yourself more. You have to enjoy your own company, know your standards when it comes to dating, and learn how to be at peace with solitude. We wrote an article about this! Check it out. :)

Double A Diaries

how to be comfortable with being alone

Late last year, I went to Dunkin’ at around 4 in the afternoon. I left my place to take a quick snack break after turning in a very difficult assignment. The Dunkin’ I went to was maybe 8-10 minutes away by foot. When I got there, I bought a Bavarian donut and some matcha. I took my order to go because I wanted to eat it while watching Netflix back hom…

Read more

2 months ago · 2 likes · andie-ashley

Yes, it’s uncomfortable. Yes, you will feel that people have their eyes on you. They honestly don’t. They truly don’t give two cents about you. They’re too preoccupied with their own problems, drowning in mental noise, and too busy to care about you being alone. And if they do care, they’re just sad losers.

2. Remember that you are the catch

You’re the main character of your life. People might call you vain or overconfident, but who the heck cares? Attractiveness isn’t only measured by how good you look from the outside. It’s also measured by how magnetic your energy is and how you make other people feel.

We should always look inward and pour our energy into becoming the most authentic versions of ourselves. Beauty is subjective. Beauty standards change. People change types. But your energy remains.

Yes, physical attraction is real, but attraction is superficial and doesn’t last. A relationship is built on trust, humility, and understanding. So if your goal is to get a boyfriend or girlfriend, you have to have the confidence that goes beyond looks.

Dress up for yourself. Put on make-up if that’s what makes you confident. Get that hair appointment done, not for anybody else, not for a man, but for you.

Why? Because you’re the main character of your life.

3. Put yourself out there

I'm not telling you to go on dating apps or meet people at the bar. I want you to go out of your room and put yourself out in the world to have fun. Not just fake fun, where you attend a party but barely know anyone there. Or maybe go to a new cafe just for the aesthetic Instagram story. I want you to have real fun, one that brings you positive energy and lifts your mood. That might be going to the gym, attending fitness classes, exploring new museums, or hiking in the wild. Do whatever you can do to be out and explore the world.

I know we have limitations, and not everybody can randomly go out on a Tuesday morning and try a new cafe. But walking is free, nature is free, and museums are free. We have to put ourselves out there not to meet someone, but to truly enjoy life and see more of it. Instead of studying at home, why not try the new library you’ve been wanting to go to but have been feeling lazy every time you have an opportunity to go?

Interesting stories come from experience. Conversations stem from shared interest. You won’t be able to form a connection if you just stay in your room and do the routine tasks. Be comfortable with the uncomfortable, even in small ways.

4. Fill your own cup

   

You can’t pour anything from an empty cup. I think that line is a bit overused, but it’s one of those lines you can apply to most of the things in your life. You can’t help people when you can’t help yourself. You can’t give if you don’t have. So make sure that before you go out and seek romantic relationships, your own cup is filled. Remember that it’s not a significant partner’s job to fill your cup. They have their own to deal with. They can get you extra toppings, but the content has to come from you.

5. Allow yourself to be vulnerable

Growing up, I thought vulnerability was only for cowards. I thought it was only for the weak. I had the idea that it was better to have a facade. So I tried my best to show up as the girl who had her life together, had no weaknesses, and hated every guy who approached me. I have always struggled with being vulnerable, and I know it has cost me so many missed opportunities when it comes to romantic and even platonic relationships. Honestly speaking, I never truly confided in a guy. I never really showed how much I liked him. Cause I was scared of rejection. I was scared of being seen. I’ll write more about this soon.

But to be in a relationship, they have to know you for the real you. So let’s try to be vulnerable, cause those who win aren’t the ones who break hearts. The real winners are those who wear their hearts on their sleeves.

Well, those are all the tips I have for you. I know this may be an unconventional way to find a boyfriend, so I hope this can help you in one way or another.
Remember, we have to know ourselves first and truly understand our intentions before stepping into a romantic relationship, or even something casual for that matter. We have to know how to stand on our own feet without relying on anybody. And we have to make sure that our life is full, so it won’t feel empty when you don’t get that fairytale ending.

Thank you for making it to the end. If you found this article insightful or a worthwhile read, please consider subscribing to Double A Diaries. We write about the experience and challenges of going through adulthood (as well as our girly musings and personal epiphanies).

If you’d like to add anything, leave a comment below, or message us!

Leave a comment

Always be kind,

Ash 🎀

When I was little, twenty seemed impossibly grown up. Now that I’m here, I don’t feel like a grown up at all. A couple of weeks ago, I got to start at a new job that I’ll be staying at until before my college classes start again, and I’ve gotten so many comments from older people in my life saying some variation of “Wow! You’re so grown up now!”. Little do they know, I have absolutely no idea what I’m doing most of the time. I’ve just been winging it! It’s been working, though. Every day, I walk into the building, and people greet me because I look like I belong. I’m dressed nice, and I’m carrying my big girl bag. Very convincing working girl exterior!

When I get to my office, I try my best to appear confident, that I’m sure of what I’m doing. And also that I am not crumbling under the immense pressure I feel every time I submit a document. This line of work is in a specialized area in medicine, so there isn’t any room for screwing up. I seem to have everyone fooled, though. I’ve been getting good feedback, and no one seems to think I’m lost.

Now that I’ve been cosplaying a successful career woman for some weeks, I’ve come to think of adulthood as one kind of costume party. Everyone’s dressed like they got their stuff together. When you’re a kid, you think adults know everything. Adults answer questions and make decisions. They know what they’re doing. So you assume that somewhere between being a teenager and paying your own bills, someone hands you the script. Then you get grow up, and you realize people were just making the best decision they can with the information they have, hoping it works out. I don’t think I’ve met a single person who actually has everything figured out. I’ve met people who are good at making decisions and who are comfortable with uncertainty. I’ve also met people who’ve learned to recover when things don’t go according to plan. But “having it all figured out”? I’m starting to think that’s a myth we collectively agreed to keep alive.

Thank you for making it to the end. If you found this article insightful or a worthwhile read, please consider subscribing to Double A Diaries. We write about the experience and challenges of going through adulthood (as well as our girly musings and personal epiphanies).

Subscribe now

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With Love,

Andie 💗

It’s easy to get caught in the trap of waiting for the perfect conditions. We tell ourselves life will truly start when we graduate or when we land the dream job. Psychologists call this the arrival fallacy: the belief that reaching a specific goal will finally bring lasting happiness or fulfillment. It’s common to imagine when we reach a certain finish line, we’ll finally feel free, like we’ve fulfilled our life’s purpose. But when we finally get there, the feeling rarely lasts.

You graduate, and suddenly you’re worried about finding a job. You land the job, and now you’re thinking about promotions. You move into your own place, and before long you’re wondering if you should be saving for a house. The goalpost keeps moving!

Part of this is explained by something called the hedonic treadmill. Humans are remarkably good at adapting. The things we once desperately wanted quickly become our new normal, and our attention shifts to what’s next. That’s why achievements feel exciting at first but eventually stop feeling extraordinary.

If you want to read more about these psychological phenomena, I linked some articles below!

from "When-I" to "As-I"

The secret to breaking out of your tower (like Rapunzel) is a shift in perspective. Move your thinking from “when I” to “as I”.

When-I thinking: When I finally get my career completely figured out, then I’ll start enjoying my hobbies and exploring the world.

As-I thinking: As I figure out my career step-by-step, I am going to build a life I enjoy right now.

Life is an accumulation of small choices. If you spend your 20s treating everyday as filler content before the main plot starts, you miss the actual plot.

social media consumption

It doesn't help that every time we open our phones, we are bombarded by everyone else’s highlight reels. On Instagram, TikTok, and even LinkedIn, we see others’ vacation dumps, pristine apartment tours, promotions, clothing and makeup hauls, etc. This creates a massive illusion: it feels like everyone else’s life has already begun while you’re still stuck. But comparing your raw, unedited everyday life to someone else’s highly produced montage is a losing game. Don't let a 15-second clip convince you that you're lagging behind in a race that doesn't actually exist.

Rapunzel didn’t know what was outside the tower until she climbed down. None of us do. So don’t spend your twenties staring out the window, convinced that your real life is happening somewhere else. Start living it while you’re still figuring it out.

Articles:

1. The Overlooked and Misunderstood Arrival Fallacy (Psychology Today)

2. Arrival Fallacy: Will Reaching a Goal Make You Happy? (Verywell Mind)

3. Hedonic Treadmill (Psychology Today)

4. You Accomplished Something Great. So Now What? (The NY Times)

Thank you for making it to the end. If you found this article insightful or a worthwhile read, please consider subscribing to Double A Diaries. We write about the experience and challenges of going through adulthood (as well as our girly musings and personal epiphanies).

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Leave a comment

With Love,

Andie 💗

To be fair, I barely prepared for it due to being extremely busy at work. I also recently finished my uni exams and completed the semester, so what do you mean I have to sit another important exam?

I procrastinated preparing for the exam cause I knew that I would get my desired score, due to having sat the exam 2 years ago as part of my visa requirements. However, bad omens kept coming up weeks leading to the exam for some reason. From forgetting to put my middle name on the exam application form, to forgetting that I didn’t press save when I planned to reschedule the exam a week later after the original exam date so I had time to prepare, to feeling like a zombie during the exam day— I was anticipating another retake.

And you know what? The best case scenario happened. I got the perfect score.

I wasn’t expecting the ideal, best case scenario. I was waiting for the worst case scenario so that I could prepare for the worst. It’s what they call compensatory pessimism. It’s when your brain jumps to the worst outcome, almost immediately when something happens as a coping mechanism.

I honestly blame my perfectionist tendencies for this. My mind thinks that it’s better to overthink and scan for danger than trust that I did my best. It never relies on my track record. It never thinks that I could get the best possible outcome, because it was wired for survival, not comfort. Not peace. Plain survival.

And that is the thing that gets us to overthink. Our need to ruminate stems from our fear of threats. Threats like discomfort, judgment, rejection, and maybe even failure.

Overthinking protects you from those. And so you thought. In reality, overthinking never helps with anything. It just puts additional pressure on yourself. Unnecessary pressure, may I add.

You have so much on your already full plate, and yet you find more things to add to it. It doesn’t make you more satiated— it makes you sick to your stomach that you just want to vomit everything.

This makes you avoid things, see everything as a threat, and scan for more danger, even though there are none to begin with.

It makes you unnecessarily cautious.

There’s a fine line between reflecting and overthinking. We should focus inward and reflect. Our energy should be focused on positive change or positive rumination. We can think about a mistake, but we have to think about what we can do moving forward and not on how we can erase the mistake, because the past stays in the past.

Not to be a toxic optimist, but we also have to think about the best case scenario. Why? We did our best. We studied for the exam. We made sure that we will hit our goal. We did the work.

So what if the best thing happens?

And if not, let’s frame it as something that can redirect us to a better path, a better option, and a better solution.

Overthinking will not help with anything. It will just make you anxious and blame yourself more. And I think you already know that.

So be kind to yourself.

I wrote some tips about this! You can read it here:

Double A Diaries

how to be kinder to yourself

I honestly feel like I’m stuck in a rut. I’m stuck in a never-ending loop of self-embarrassment and self-criticism. I don’t necessarily hate myself. In fact, I know my value and I know what I can bring to the table. I know my worth, and I know that my mistakes don’t define me…

Read more

2 months ago · 4 likes · 2 comments · andie-ashley

To conclude this article, I just want to say that your feelings are valid and your thoughts are heard. I know that it’s hard to shut down a brain that is constantly trying to protect itself from imaginary threats, because I possess a brain like that lol. Despite this, I know that at some point in time, we can slowly tame the thoughts. Not now, not in a few days, but there will come a point when your mind feels safe.

Thank you for making it to the end. If you found this article insightful or a worthwhile read, please consider subscribing to Double A Diaries. We write about the experience and challenges of going through adulthood (as well as our girly musings and personal epiphanies).

If you’d like to add anything, leave a comment below, or message us!

Leave a comment

Always be kind,

Ash 🎀

However, my mind is constantly running with thoughts at 210km/hour. There are upsides and downsides to being type A, and being an overthinker is probably the worst. I also tend to ruminate over simple mistakes, as if that’s going to help change the past.

So, I wanted to write about how we can be kinder to ourselves (yes, me included), because additional pressure will not make things better. Since you’re reading this, I know you’re also the type to beat yourself up when the plan doesn’t go your way, or when you mess something up, or when you just say the wrong thing.

You tend to focus on the imperfect things that you’ve done instead of acknowledging what you’ve done right. I definitely do that.

And you know what? Despite trying to control everything, you will inevitably make mistakes.

So here are 5 ways you can be kinder to yourself:

1. Remind yourself that there is a limit to what you can control

I know we’ve all been through a time when we really poured our heart and soul into an assessment to only get a grade way below what we expected it to be. In my case, I received a grade below MY CEILING, so I appealed to the coordinator, and he deducted 10 marks from my grade. I was honestly so embarrassed at that time because not only did I get a less than perfect mark, but I also received a long email explaining why my essay was subpar, and it did not deserve a high distinction. To top it off, he concluded that no additional appeals could be made, and my final grade would be 75.

It was honestly so bad that I kind of questioned my worth. But I also realized that there are just some things out of my control, and I should not force everything to go according to what I had envisioned.

Instead, I should focus on things I can control, like following the marking criteria, studying the course material more, and improving my writing skills. Grading is out of my control since lecturers tend to be subjective.

It applies to day-to-day life as well. A rude cashier? Out of your control. An angry customer? Out of your control. A bad shift? Out of your control.

So don’t beat yourself up when things get out of hand. You have to remind yourself that the important thing is that you did your best, you showed up, and that you did everything within your control.

2. Practice self-care

Is self-care overrated? I don’t think so. The rise of hustle culture has sold us the idea that in order to succeed, we have to suck it up and just put in the work, despite our minds and bodies telling us to slow down.

When we make a mistake, we try so hard to beat ourselves up. We inject negative thoughts into our minds because thinking positive thoughts can lead to feelings of disappointment if our expectations are not met.

And that is such a cruel thing to think about. We deserve to have those positive thoughts flood our mind. We deserve to imagine the best case scenario.

Showing up is self-care. It can mean allotting time in a day for reading useless stuff on the internet. Or probably going to the gym for 2 hours and blasting party music. It can also mean just sleeping instead of hustling at 1am.

Practicing self-care when you feel burnt out or exhausted doesn’t mean that you’re lazy. It just means that you’re human.

3. What would you say if someone made a mistake?

Imagine yourself as another person. Probably your best friend or younger brother. Would you appreciate harsh criticism over encouraging words of support?

Nobody likes to be criticized and called a failure.
Your brother and best friend will hate you for that, rightfully so. So, if other people hate you for being mean to them about your mistake, then you will also hate yourself.

Instead of calling yourself a failure, remind yourself that there is always a next time. When one door closes, another opens. And if not, then maybe you’re in the wrong room?

4. Treat everything as a lesson

The beauty of life is that you can start over anytime you want. You can always begin again. I think we don’t live once, because we have each day to live and start anew.

Making a mistake or facing an unexpected event doesn’t mean you’re a failure. It just means that life is teaching you a lesson to become stronger, more resilient, and more powerful.

I think when you treat everything as a lesson, it reframes a loss or bad situation into something that may redirect you to a path you deserve more.

Who knows? That heartbeat might’ve saved you from a lifetime full of anxiety and stress.

5. Life is hard, don’t make it harder

It goes without saying that all of us have different struggles. They may vary depending on our life circumstances and our social situation. Life is hard and unfair, there is no other way to sugarcoat that.

And ironically, instead of making it easier, we sometimes make it harder. We think of the worst case scenarios. We ruminate on things out of our control. We push people away. We isolate. We beat ourselves up over the smallest things. The list goes on…

And I know it’s hard to apply, but can we just practice self-compassion?

Can we just tell ourselves that there will always be a new opportunity, a new day, and that we can always start fresh?

We have to be kind to ourselves because, at the end of the day, we can only rely on ourselves.

Don’t make your life more complicated than it is. Breathe a little. Live your life. Go out there and make mistakes. I know I’m not the best one to advise on this because I am hella scared of failure. I’m also very hard on myself.

However, I’m trying to give myself more grace nowadays. I’m trying to remind myself that I’m only human, and I’m not perfect— as much as my perfectionist tendencies try to control me.

Practice kindness, not only to others but also to yourself— especially to yourself.

Thank you for making it to the end. If you found this article insightful or a worthwhile read, please consider subscribing to Double A Diaries. We write about the experience and challenges of going through adulthood (as well as our girly musings and personal epiphanies).

If you’d like to add anything, leave a comment below, or message us!

Leave a comment

Always be kind,

Ash 🎀

We’ve been sold a lie about a grand finale.

Movies and breakup playlists love to feed us this idea that we need "closure" to move on. We end up craving this big, final conversation where everyone finally understands each other, apologies are handed out like scripts, and the credits roll over a perfect sunset. One thing I learned, is that life rarely hands out clean breaks. We exhaust ourselves chasing answers from the very people or situations that hurt us, mistakenly believing that understanding why something ended is the key to moving past it.

I used to think closure was the thing that would make loss easier to carry. That if I could just understand why someone changed, why they stopped choosing me, why things became different, then maybe I could finally let go properly. However, sometimes there is no satisfying explanation. Sometimes it’s timing, life pulling you in different directions, or simply outgrowing each other. Some relationships end just because they do. Closure is overrated because it keeps us looking backward, waiting for permission to heal. As if healing only starts once we receive the explanation we were waiting for. But peace doesn’t always come with answers. Actually, from my experience it arrives when you stop needing them. You don’t need a perfectly wrapped ending to start a new chapter.

Stop putting yourself through pain and heartache for the sake of “getting closure”. Sometimes, the most empowering thing you can do is look at the question mark and choose to walk away anyway.

Thank you for making it to the end. If you found this article insightful or a worthwhile read, please consider subscribing to Double A Diaries. We write about the experience and challenges of going through adulthood (as well as our girly musings and personal epiphanies).

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With Love,

Andie 💗

Late last year, I went to Dunkin’ at around 4 in the afternoon. I left my place to take a quick snack break after turning in a very difficult assignment. The Dunkin’ I went to was maybe 8-10 minutes away by foot. When I got there, I bought a Bavarian donut and some matcha. I took my order to go because I wanted to eat it while watching Netflix back home. As I got my order, it started violently raining outside. The rain came out of nowhere! The clouds weren’t even dark when I left my house. Luckily there were only two other people and there was one table available for me to sit while waiting for the rain to stop. I checked my phone, and it was at 3% battery. I thought about using my it to pass the time, but I have this irrational fear of something bad happening to me and not having any way to contact people for help because my phone is dead. I don’t know where the fear came from; that isn’t important to the story though. The point is I was stuck there alone with no umbrella and no way to entertain myself.

I ate my donut, drank my matcha, and sat for what felt like hours, but it was probably more like 10 minutes. At some point, I thought about just walking home in the rain. After 30 or so minutes, the rain finally stopped, and I got to go home mostly dry (my feet got wet from splatters on the ground because I was wearing strappy sandals).

I have a point, I promise! As boring as that story was, it led to a very important epiphany.

I always said that I loved my own company, but while I was in that situation, I wanted nothing more than to leave. Before, I was perfectly comfortable doing things myself. I would eat outside by myself, go to different places by myself, take classes by myself, etc. etc., and I was completely fine. But I thought about it, and when I go out by myself I always do something. I never just sit quietly. Most of the time I journal, sometimes, I read a book or listen to a podcast. But I always have something to keep me entertained.

If you, too, have realized that your “alone time” is actually just a scheduled itinerary of distractions, here is the direct, unglamorous guide on how to actually get comfortable sitting by yourself.

give yourself a minute

The hardest part of being alone is the urge to look occupied. When we don't have a book or a working phone, our hands feel heavy and awkward. The next time you find yourself waiting (whether it’s for a friend who is running late, a doctor’s appointment, or a sudden downpour) resist the temptation to scroll mindlessly on your phone.

I find that physical discomfort of having nothing to do peaks at around a minute. Once I outlast that initial minute of feeling exposed, my anxiety drops off a cliff.

accept the boredom

Once you get past the initial panic of being unexpectedly being alone and having nothing to do, the next thing you’re left to face is boredom. I think that someone can’t truly say they love their own company until they’re comfortable being bored by themselves.

Back then, when I practice mindfulness, it’s always planned. I schedule when I want to sit and think with no distractions. Now, I’m comfortable with sitting quietly and just letting my thoughts come and go anytime. This is easier said than done. Mindfulness is a journey. When I started trying to be more mindful, I followed mindfulness meditation exercises online, read some books on mindfulness, and listened to some podcasts. Start your mindfulness journey the way you’ll find most comfortable. Soon, you’ll be able to be comfortable while spending time alone with no distractions.

make a list of default solo places and activities

When you’re not used to being alone, you first need to be comfortable with doing things alone. Don’t worry about the mindfulness and accepting the boredom stuff yet. Just become accustomed to doing activities and running errands by yourself.

A practical tip nobody says outright: you need default solo places and activities. Mine are:

• getting groceries

• cafés with WiFi (to work/journal)

• bookstores and libraries

• convenience stores

• parks (to go jogging)

• the gym

• self-care activities (facials, getting my hair done, doing my nails, etc.)

People romanticize solo travel and solo dates immediately, but I think the real gateway drug to loving your own company is doing boring everyday stuff by yourself.

de-escalate the audience in your head

No one cares that you’re alone. No one’s judging you, I promise! We project massive, critical narratives onto strangers when we feel exposed. To break this, practice intentional micro-interactions. Say "excuse me" with a smile, ask the barista what syrup they recommend, etc. Tiny, low-stakes interactions remind your brain that the world is a normal place.

things that helped me get comfortable alone:

• Stopped waiting for someone to come with me before trying things I’m interested in.

• Wearing headphones less in public.

• Doing activities that requires sustained focus outside (reading, running, working on my computer).

• Not rushing home immediately after classes or work, and wandering a little.

• Eating at least one meal alone outside each month.

• Keeping some thoughts unshared.

• Getting used to hearing my own opinions before asking friends.

• Cleaning and redecorating my room

Thank you for making it to the end. If you found this article insightful or a worthwhile read, please consider subscribing to Double A Diaries. We write about the experience and challenges of going through adulthood (as well as our girly musings and personal epiphanies).

Subscribe now

If you’d like to add anything, leave a comment below, or message us!

Leave a comment

With Love,

Andie 💗