Maybe, in the end, I’ll find my people. Maybe I won’t. Maybe I’m just hoping for that a little too much. But if there’s one thing I’ve slowly realized, it’s that you shouldn’t force connections.

Don’t build relationships just to fill the empty space inside you. I know, as someone who’s been a loner for quite a long time, how scary it can be to just be yourself. Sometimes your mind is never really quiet. You overthink every conversation, every expression, every little thing you said five minutes ago. Did I sound weird? Did they actually want me there? Did I talk too much? Did I not talk enough? And social media doesn’t exactly make it easier.

You see people constantly hanging out, going on trips, celebrating birthdays, finding their “people” and living what looks like a perfect life. And sometimes you can’t help but wonder, why doesn’t my life look like that?

I’ve caught myself wishing my life looked more like what I see online, while completely forgetting that we’re all living completely different lives. I only see the parts people choose to show me. I don’t see their lonely nights, their insecurities, their awkward conversations, or the moments when they feel just as lost as I do. It’s completely okay to not have a perfect life. No one does.

I think we’ve forgotten how beautiful the little things can be. The slow morning walks, eating breakfast without distractions, saying something kind to yourself, watching a bird fly by your window, listening to your favorite song while doing absolutely nothing, the messy rain that ruins your blue jeans and white shoes, laughing at something stupid until your stomach hurts.

And the more I think about my loneliness, the more I wonder if the problem isn’t always that I don’t have enough people around me. Maybe sometimes I’m not deeply connected to myself either. Maybe I’m too busy worrying about how people perceive me to actually ask myself what I want. Why do I feel like I have to fit into large groups when I don’t even know if that’s where I belong?

Why do I constantly compare my friendships to everyone else’s? Why am I so afraid of being alone that I sometimes forget that being alone and being lonely aren’t the same thing?

I don’t think I’m meant to have ten best friends or fit into every group. Maybe I’m meant to find a few people I can actually be myself around. People I don’t have to constantly perform for. People where silence doesn’t feel awkward. And maybe finding those people takes time.

I’m still learning how to understand myself before trying so hard to be understood by everyone else. I’m learning to be okay with where I am while still believing that something better is waiting for me.

With love,

DQ.

It starts with startups, founding their own teams with like-minded people, building products, doing internships - a lot of side hustles. I believe all of this occurs because social media gives all of us the space to share our opinions with audience.

It provides platforms to raise awareness about things they care the most about. Be it social, political, environmental issues. Youth can now showcase their talent. They build their own safe communities with like-minded people that support each other and grow. It does give us a voice that holds value and taken seriously.

But I believe it’s a two-way street. Social media has given young people an unprecedented platform to express themselves. But it can also silence a few voices through criticism, online harassment, and it silently increases the need for validation. It really depends on how we make use of it.

Please feel free to drop your opinion down below in the comments! I’d love to know!!

I’ve been wanting to start over for quite some time, and now finally feels like the right moment.

A little about me - I’ve recently moved to a new city to pursue my bachelor’s degree, something I’ve dreamed of doing for years. I’m currently studying History, Economics and Political Science, and these subjects have inspired me to give this page a fresh purpose. Going forward, this page will focus on social issues, politics, feminism, history, and philosophy - exploring these ideas as I continue learning, researching, and asking questions.

I’m not here because I have all the answers - I’m here because I’m curious enough to keep asking questions. At the end of the day, I’m just a student - learning, questioning, thinking critically, and trying to make sense of the world around me. I welcome respectful discussions and different perspectives, as long as they’re shared with kindness and an open mind.

This is me showing up for myself, and I hope this space becomes one where we can learn, question, think, and grow together. Here’s to new beginnings and meaningful conversations.

Thank you for being here. I’m excited to see where this journey takes us.

With love,

DQ.

No one talks about how strange this stage of life is.

You've graduated high school, and now you're trying to figure out your college, your career path, where you belong, and who you're becoming. Yes, there's freedom, and that part is exciting. But there's also a quiet grief that comes with it—friends moving away, familiar places becoming memories, the realization that childhood is ending, and the acceptance that people are beginning to take different paths.

It's a lonely transition.

For the first time, you're expected to make decisions that shape your future, yet you don't always feel ready for them. Everyone around you seems to have a plan, while you're still trying to figure out yourself.

Reflecting on My Own Journey

The past two years have been incredibly difficult for me.

In the process of simply trying to survive, I felt like my nervous system was constantly on high alert, and I'm still dealing with the effects. My thoughts often feel loud. My emotions can shift without warning. Some days, it feels like I'm carrying a weight that I can't fully explain.

And while I know I'm not the only person going through this, it can feel incredibly isolating when everyone else appears to have their life figured out.

Some days, it feels like you're lost all over again.

You're expected to have answers about your future, yet you're still learning how to manage your own thoughts and emotions.

But lately, I've been realizing something important: I need to learn how to navigate all of this at my own pace.

There are things I can't control, and that's okay.

What I can control is where I direct my attention, how I spend my time, and the habits I build every day.

I'm learning to let go of my past. I've spent too much time trying to fit into places where I didn't belong. Now, I want to create a life that actually feels aligned with who I am.

I don't need hundreds of people around me. I believe I'll find my people eventually—not many, just a few who truly understand me. A few who are enough.

Most importantly, I'm learning to focus on the present.

Social Media and the Illusion of Falling Behind

I recently downloaded Instagram again after being off it for a while.

I convinced myself I needed it for college and networking purposes, and maybe part of that is true. But the first thing I noticed was how quickly it brought back feelings of FOMO.

The truth is that looking at thousands of other people's lives doesn't improve your own.

Most of the people we follow are strangers. Yet somehow, after scrolling through carefully curated highlights, we convince ourselves that we're falling behind.

At times, social media feels performative. Everyone is sharing their best moments, and it's easy to forget that we're comparing our everyday lives to someone else's reel.

I want to be intentional about how I use it. Recently, I've found myself getting distracted more than I'd like to admit, and I'm trying to be more aware of that.

Learning to Build a Relationship With Myself

I want to become the kind of woman I admire.

Not because I want to impress other people, but because I want to feel proud of the person I'm becoming.

I'm learning to be more grateful for the opportunities I already have. Sometimes I focus so much on what's missing that I forget how much is already in front of me…

I also want to stop waiting for motivation to magically appear.

One of the hardest lessons I've learned is that no one is going to push me toward the life I want. No one is going to create structure for me.

I have to create my own deadlines.

I have to hold myself accountable.

I have to show up for myself.

And honestly, that's both terrifying and empowering.

For a long time, I felt like I needed other people to validate me, guide me, or choose me. But I've come to realize that the healthiest way to detach from others isn't by caring less about them—it's by caring more about yourself.

The best way to detach from someone else is to become deeply attached to your own life.

Taking Care of the Things I Can Control

I've also started to appreciate how important it is to take care of my body.

Not because I want to achieve some impossible standard of perfection, but because physical health affects everything else.

When I move my body regularly, I feel better mentally. I feel more focused, more energized, and more capable of handling challenges.

It's easy to underestimate how much our daily habits shape our lives.

These are things that are within my control.

Not everything is.

But these are.

Becoming More Than One Thing

Lately, I've realized that I've been procrastinating on things I've always wanted to explore.

I love writing. I love reading. I love researching ideas, philosophy, psychology, and politics. I love learning for the sake of learning.

Yet sometimes I spend more time thinking about these interests than actually pursuing them.

Maybe part of growing up is giving yourself permission to explore without needing everything to lead somewhere.

I don't want one title, one career, or one interest to define me.

I want the freedom to be curious.

I want the freedom to evolve.

I want the freedom to become many different versions of myself throughout my life.

And maybe that's what this phase is really about. Not having all the answers. Not knowing exactly where you're going.Learning how to sit with uncertainty without letting it consume you.

I'm still figuring things out. I still have anxious days. I still feel lost sometimes.

But for the first time in a long time, I'm starting to trust that I don't need to have everything figured out right now.

I just need to keep showing up for myself.

With love,

DQ.

Maybe because I overthink everything. Maybe because I feel too deeply. I take every word to heart, every silence personally, every small change emotionally. I’ve never known how to control my emotions properly. I’m sensitive, complicated, unstable at times and after a while, I started believing that these parts of me made me difficult to understand and even harder to love.

My own family never truly understood me either. I tried explaining myself over the years, tried communicating what I felt, but nothing really changed. I don’t want to blame them completely, but the way I grew up affected me more than I realized. Slowly, I became quieter around people, even around my own relatives. I was never really encouraged to grow close to extended family or cousins, so most of my life felt emotionally isolating in ways I still struggle to explain.

I spent years feeling left out. And as someone who is naturally introverted and a deep feeler, making friends was never easy. I kept trying to fit in, but most of the time it only left me feeling more disconnected from myself. Eventually, I stopped forcing it. I told myself that maybe one day I would find people who truly understood me and somehow, I did. A few genuine souls who see me beyond the surface, who understand me in ways I always wished to be understood. I’m deeply grateful for them.

But recently, at one of my cousin’s weddings, I realized something painful. I was surrounded by family, conversations, laughter, and people I had known my whole life—yet I had never felt lonelier. It felt strange realizing that sometimes you can be surrounded by people and still feel like you do not belong anywhere among them.

Maybe that’s why I still struggle with the idea of being loved.

I think I’m too emotional, too intense, too difficult sometimes. A part of me genuinely believes I’ll never be fully understood, and maybe never fully loved either. But despite all of that, I still give people the love I was never given myself.

Sometimes I wish I knew how to turn my emotions off. Feeling everything this deeply is exhausting. Overthinking every word, every interaction, every change it slowly drains you. And honestly, I’m tired of carrying emotions this heavy all the time.

And maybe that’s the saddest part carrying so much inside you while still pretending you’re okay around everyone else.

With Love,

DQ.

You don’t have to feel guilty about anything. You don’t have to apologise for being human. You don’t have to hide your emotions. Be unapologetically yourself. No one knows your whole story. Not everyone needs to know your story. Not everyone deserves your explanations, time, and efforts.

Note to myself :

I know you haven’t been able to find peace within yourself and have been struggling with your emotions by bottling them up all inside you. But just take a moment and breathe. Look around, what happens if people in real life found out your writings? You always worry too much if they’d judge you for being this vulnerable on the internet. But you’re not doing this for them. You’re showing up for yourself in little ways, and you don’t need to justify yourself. Not to your friends. Not to your partner. Not to your family.

After going through a lot, I finally made peace with this. I don’t care if anyone finds my emotions as “cringe” or “too much”. I don’t care if anyone thinks I’m overreacting. I’ve become fearlessly strong and aware of myself that I don’t care what anyone thinks.

If you’re letting some senseless people get into your head with their criticism, you react to them? It’s not their problem. It’s your problem. You can’t fix them, you very well know that. But what happened to YOU? If you’re reacting to them, it means you’re letting them make you feel small and you take it all into your heart. But i need you to understand that, what people think about you does not really matter at all ( my dear, please understand this-) You don’t gotta waste your time, tears on someone who does not see you for who you are, for someone who does not sees your potential, for someone who has no idea who you are truly as a human.

How people perceive you is not under your control. It’s the last thing you wanna worry about and begin performing for them. You are here for a reason. You are meant to live, not survive. You care too much about how people perceive you but you know what? They don’t even know you at all. And you don’t know them too. And that’s okay too.

You are fighting so hard for yourself and if no one’s proud of you, I really am. But please, do not give up. I don’t want you to give up no matter how many people try to bring you down. You’ve become so stronger than you realise. Start focusing only on yourself, close the outside noise. You don’t need that. You are on your own. You deserve all the love and happiness. Continue building yourself not to prove yourself but to improve yourself. For the child in you who dared to dream big. She is so proud of how far you’ve come. Please don’t ever let her down. She is waiting for you to see you happy, healthy, and peaceful. For all your loved ones, who once believed in you— when you yourself did not, stay strong for them.

Work towards your dream. Remember the last time you stood on a stage surrounded by thousands of people. Do you remember that spark in your eyes when you were doing something you truly loved? It was one of the few moments in years where you genuinely felt alive. It brought so much joy into your life. So when you feel like giving up, remind yourself that there are still so many opportunities, experiences, and moments waiting to unfold for you.

Remember you’re more than what the society tries to tells you.

Love you.

DQ.

tired, exhausted in a way that words can’t explain,

I wonder if I actually belong to nature.

I stopped spending time with nature months ago

or maybe years

completely abandoning both myself and nature.

If you, motherly nature,

still keep your arms open for me,

please grant me your forgiveness.

I miss the version of me

that could sit beneath trees for hours

without needing noise to survive the silence.

Now everything feels distant

the wind, the birds, the feeling of being alive.

As if I slowly traded pieces of my soul

for routines that never truly held me.

But today, sitting here,

with the evening air touching my skin so gently,

I feel you again.

Not loudly.

Not enough to heal me all at once.

Just enough to remind me

that maybe I was never fully abandoned.

Maybe nature waits patiently

for people like me to return

people who lost themselves

while trying too hard to belong elsewhere.

With love,

DQ.

And then there was you.

Somewhere between conversations that lasted longer than they should have, shared thoughts at impossible hours, quiet understanding, and all the small moments that slowly stitched themselves into my life,

You became someone irreplaceable to me.

Not all at once. Not dramatically.Just slowly, naturally, until one day I realized you had become one of the most important parts of my world.

Before you, i think i spent most of my life trying to make myself smaller for people. And then you came into my life so naturally that one day I realized I no longer felt afraid to be fully myself around you.

You listened to me in a way very few people ever have. Not just to my words, but to the meaning underneath them. To the pauses. To the things i struggled to explain correctly. To the emotions i buried inside jokes or hid behind “i’m fine.” You never rushed me out of my feelings or made me feel dramatic for having them.

You made me feel safe enough to share my inner world with you– the messy parts, the soft parts, the overwhelming parts, the deeply feeling parts i usually keep hidden because i’m scared they’ll be “too much.” But with you, i never felt like too much. i felt known. and i think one of the most beautiful things about us is how deeply human everything feels. Nothing between us has ever felt forced. Our conversations feel alive– honest, comforting, sometimes chaotic, sometimes emotional at 2am in ways that leave permanent marks on each other.

You became one of the few people i could truly exist beside without feeling lonely.

There are so many things that remind me of you now: books filled with highlighted lines, music played softly in parks, rainy evenings, shared playlists, unfinished poems, late-night overthinking, guitar strings, comfortable silence, long walks, quiet lakes, and all those tiny beautiful moments that somehow feel bigger simply because i can imagine sharing them with you.

This is how you exist in my mind now: through soft things, through beautiful moments, through all the parts of life that feel a little gentler because they remind me of you. Things that feel like you. Things that feel like home.

I think some people become part of the way you see the world. You taught me that tenderness is not weakness. that being emotionally open is not something embarrassing. that love and care do not lose their value just because the world sometimes treats softness like something foolish.

You taught me what it means to stay– to love people consistently, gently, all the way through.

Oh to remember small details. To reassure someone for the hundredth time without making them feel guilty for needing it. To make people feel heard. To hold space for another person’s fears without mocking them for it.

You loved me in ways that healed parts of me i didn’t even realize were hurting. And honestly, i don’t think you fully understand how rare that is. I'm grateful and blessed to have you in my life.

There are people you meet who simply pass through your life, and then there are people who quietly alter the emotional landscape of it forever.

You are the second kind.

i admire you so much– your mind, your creativity, your gentleness, your art, your ability to feel deeply while still trying to remain kind in a world that often rewards coldness instead. i admire the way you think about things,the way you notice beauty in tiny details,the way your presence alone can make difficult days feel lighter.

and i know i joke a lot, but truthfully, i cannot imagine my life without your existence in it now.

I hope this year gives you gentleness on difficult days, people who love you correctly, new songs, new memories, and more moments where you realize how deeply loved you truly are.

I hope you continue becoming the version of yourself you’ve always deserved the chance to be.

And selfishly, i hope life keeps letting our paths exist beside each other for a very long time.

Because meeting you was one of the most beautiful things that ever happened to me.

It’s strange how certain songs immediately make me think of you. How some lyrics feel like conversations we’ve already had. How even the quietest melodies somehow carry your presence in them.

And the moon reminds me of you too.

Soft, constant, familiar. Beautiful in a way that never asks to be noticed loudly.

You are my moon in so many ways– the kind of presence that stays, even from far away. The kind of light that makes dark nights feel less lonely.

I think that’s why I look for you in small beautiful things so often. Because somehow, the world feels a little softer wherever you exist in it.

Happy birthday. Thank you for existing. Thank you for staying. Thank you for understanding me in all the ways that matter most.

You will always have a deeply special place in my heart. 💕🥹🌙

The kind of moments you make me dream about. A collection of things that feel like us.

a small poem for my moon.

They call you Moon for the way you glow,

but I think it’s because of the way you stay

steady and soft when the lights are low,

guiding me home when I’ve lost my way.

You don't need the sun to feel complete,

and you never ask me to hide my dark.

You make the "too much" feel quiet and sweet,

and turn every fear into a tiny spark.

I used to think softness was a thing to fear,

a vulnerability I had to disguise.

But the world feels safe when you are near,

reflected back in your steady eyes.

So here is to the girl who changed the tides,

who hears the heart in my quietest tune.

In a world of noise where everyone hides,

I’m so glad I found my home in the Moon.

Happy Birthday.🌙💕

With love,

DQ. ( Your twin)

But apparently, "growth" is dangerous.

Every time I talk about my future, they talk about "safety." Every time I ask for support, they give me restrictions. It’s always the same excuses: it’s too far, it’s not safe, you’re too young, you’re a girl. They’d rather see me stay small and "safe" in a hole than see me actually succeed in a world they can't control.It’s the same conversation every single day. I’m speaking about networking, research, and building a professional brand, and they’re responding with “safety,” “reputation,” and “what will people say.” It’s like trying to explain the internet to someone who’s afraid of electricity.

I’ve spent the last few years playing by the rules of a stream I never wanted, surviving subjects that felt like lead weights, all just to get to this point–the point where I finally get to choose. But now that I’m choosing, suddenly I’m “too young” to have a voice. Suddenly, my ambition is a threat to the family’s comfort zone.

I’m currently watching my future get debated by relatives at a wedding who don't even know my last name, let alone my goals. They talk about keeping me close like I’m a piece of furniture they aren't ready to move. They think they’re protecting me, but they’re actually just protecting their own peace of mind at the cost of mine.

I’m fighting to learn an entire new field of study in two weeks, all while being forced to play the "happy daughter" at a wedding where people who know nothing about my life decide my future over dinner. I’m surrounded by family, yet I’ve never felt more alone.

They don't realize that their "protection" is just a slower way of killing my ambition. I’m not asking for a vacation; I’m asking for my life. And I am done pretending that their fear is my responsibility.

I’m doing this alone, in the middle of the noise, while being told I don't know what I'm doing. But I do know. I’m the only one who does.

I’m at a point where I’ve stopped looking for support because I realized it’s never coming.

How do you explain to people that a city isn’t just a location, it’s an ecosystem? They think I’m just being difficult about where I study, but they don't see the research hubs, the internships, or the people who actually speak my language. To them, a degree is a piece of paper you get while staying within a five-mile radius of home. To me, it’s the only escape hatch I have left.

I’m tired of the guilt-tripping. I’m tired of being told I’m ungrateful because I want a life that actually challenges me. I’m tired of being told I’m a girl as if that’s a disability that prevents me from being ambitious.

The silence at home is louder than the fights now. I’m just putting my head down and working through the rage because I know that if I stop, I stay here. And staying here isn't an option anymore. I’m fighting for a version of myself that they haven't even met yet, and I’m doing it without a single person cheering me on.

Thank you for reading.

DQ.

You are the only person who truly gets me, who understands me in such a way that sometimes I can’t believe it’s real. You sit with my emotions instead of trying to fix them. You make room for all the parts of me I usually soften before showing anyone else. You trust me enough to share your inner world with me, and every time you do, it feels like being let into something sacred.

All your art, journals, songs, and quotes make me feel seen. You made me feel safe enough to share my own little world of intense feelings with you. With you, I don’t feel weird for being weird. Because you embrace my weirdness and remind me that, in the end, we’re all just a little weird together.

With most people, conversation feels performed. With you, it never does. Every conversation with you feels deeply human. It scares me sometimes—how deeply I love you. But I’m learning not to treat that tenderness like a flaw.

You feel strangely familiar to me, like home in a language I forgot I knew. The one person I could never get bored talking to. The one person who makes me feel less alone inside myself.

The one person I want to write poems for

and with.

To draw each other’s faces.

To sing all the songs that make us feel nostalgic and alive.

To dance like no one is watching us.

I’d love to wander through the world with you. Go trekking together. Sit beside you in comfortable silence. Lie beneath the stars, laughing about how much we’ve grown, talking about life until the night slowly disappears around us.

I hate how afraid I am of losing you. But every time I open up about it, you remind me why our connection means so much to me in the first place. You reassure me, even if it’s the hundredth time. Having someone who remembers my “sun and moon” analogies and the little promises we made to stay until the end feels rare and beautiful.

You taught me that being tough isn’t about becoming cold. It’s about staying soft anyway. It’s being completely exposed— flaws, past, and all— and having someone look at you and say, “I love those parts even more.”

You never saw my intensity as something to fear. You saw it as a kind of rare sweetness that made you want to stay close to me.

Here’s a poem for you, my love.

In a world of fleeting shadows and voices thin as glass,

Where strangers skim the surface and let the moments pass,

I found a heart that lingered— a soul that chose to stay,

To gather up the fragments that others cast away.

He reached into the quiet of a version of me I’d put away,

And found the “me” beneath the mask, the courage of a child

Not a burden.

Not someone “too much.”

Just a person trying, hurting, hoping.

He saw the pauses too,

the half-finished thoughts,

the fear behind the jokes,

the way I disappear a little when I think I’m hard to love.

And none of it made him turn away.

Maybe that’s what being known really is.

Not being admired from a distance,

but being met gently in the mess of yourself

and realizing you don’t have to explain every wound to deserve staying.

There’s something quiet about finding a person

who hears what you meant, even when you can’t say it right.

Like warmth returning to your hands after the cold.

Like finally setting something heavy down.

Yes, sometimes love can heal you. 💕

(quietly — i love you so much.)

Sending you lots of love,

DQ.

I tried to stay guarded, to keep my heart hidden somewhere no one could reach. But somehow, without even trying, you found your way through every wall I built. Because my soul doesn’t listen to rules like that especially when it comes to you.

There’s something I don’t quite understand about how this happened. Somewhere along the way, you became more than just someone in my life.You became someone I think about without trying, someone I quietly care for in ways I never planned. Sometimes, I find myself hoping you’re okay, even when I’m not around to know. It’s strange, but it feels natural… like my heart recognized you before I had the chance to question it….

With you, everything feels different, like I’ve finally found a place where I belong. And for the first time, I don’t feel the need to run, to hide, or to protect myself so fiercely, because somehow, with you, I finally feel safe.

With love,

Always,

DQ.

We often think of death as a scary ending at the end of a long life. In reality, "dying" happens every second. When you breathe out, that breath is gone. When your body grows, old cells die to make room for new ones.You can’t become an adult if you stay a child forever. You can’t have a tree without the seed "dying" to transform into a sprout. To get something better, we have to let go of what we have now.

Yet somewhere along the journey, fear quietly enters. And the greatest of all fears is the fear of death. This fear does not wait for old age; it subtly influences how we live each day. It makes us cling to possessions, relationships, and identities. It makes us postpone joy. It makes us anxious about endings. But let us look deeply: Death is not against life; death is part of life.

Think of yourself like a wave in the ocean. A wave might feel like it’s a separate thing, but it’s really just part of the water. When the wave hits the shore and disappears, the water hasn’t gone anywhere—it just went back to the ocean.The wise see death not as destruction, but as renewal. Nature teaches this beautifully. A seed must dissolve for a tree to emerge. The caterpillar must surrender to become a butterfly. Night must fall for dawn to appear. Every ending carries the seed of a new beginning.The problem is not death, the problem is our resistance to change. When we resist change, we suffer. When we accept change, we grow. The fear of death often hides a deeper fear—fear of incompleteness. We fear that we have not lived fully, not loved deeply, not expressed authentically. We fear regret more than we fear death itself.

Therefore, the secret to dying peacefully, is to live consciously. If you live each day with awareness, gratitude, and sincerity, death loses its sting. If you forgive quickly, love openly, and act responsibly, there will be no burden to carry. Then whenever death knocks, it will not find panic, it will find peace.

We aren’t just our bodies or our names. We are part of a big, continuous flow of life. If we stop being afraid of "the end" and realize that endings are just "new beginnings" in disguise, we can finally stop worrying and start enjoying the present moment.

Go live your life.

Love you all.

DQ.

Maybe I’ll never fit into this culture. I’m a hopeless romantic, and I’m okay with that. Because what is life without love? I’ll always believe in it. It’s part of who I am.

People often say this is the age to date, and maybe for many, it is. But I’ve learned something important about myself. When I truly love someone, my emotions begin to revolve around them. If they’re present, I'm okay. If they’re distant, I’m not.

At this stage of my life, I can’t afford to let my peace, focus, or growth depend on another person’s attention. My career needs consistency discipline, and emotional stability- and right now, I can only give that fully if I choose myself.

So its not that I don’t believe in love, I do. I just believe that love should add to my life, not quietly take control of it. Until I can love without losing myself, my priority has to be me and the future i’m building.

I just really don’t want to be anyone’s anything. not your girlfriend, not your favourite person, least of all your everything. I don’t want to because I know the way my mind works. It’s unpredictable. One moment I can drown you in love so deep you’d swear you were the light to my darkness and the next I could push you so far away you’d believe you were the darkness even when you’re not. Most days I don’t know how to control it. The way I’m so full of anger and weight that not even I can hold myself. I cannot be one, I cannot be who you want me to be. So no I don’t want to be anyone’s anything. I would rather be nothing because nothing doesn’t hurt people. Nothing doesn’t leave pieces behind. Nothing is quiet and in quiet, no one has to love me only to be broken by the inevitable.

Give people a chance, even if there’s no instant spark. That person might become your best friend. Or introduce you to someone who changes your life. Or turn into a business partner, a mentor, or a meaningful chapter you didn't expect. Stop treating every date like an audition for "The One."

Make the goal simple : human connection.

Release the pressure. Be present. Get curious about who they are. Share a laugh. See if there’s a natural flow. When you’re not forcing someone to fit a fantasy, connections have room to grow in unexpected ways. You might find a shared passion, discover something new about yourself, or form a bond that evolves over time. Think of dating like a conversation with a stranger on a train or plain, interesting, genuine, possibly impactful, but worth having.

You don’t owe anyone a future. Just honesty, kindness, and openness. Let go of expectations and lead with curiosity. Whether it becomes something lasting or simply a good story, it’s still a win. Not every meaningful connection announces itself with fireworks, some arrive quietly and grow with time. Every interaction teaches you something about your boundaries, desires, and capacity for connection.

You're allowed to enjoy the moment without deciding the ending.

Perhaps the biggest hurdle is that the internet has over-romanticized the idea of being 'completed' by someone else. We’ve been taught to center our lives around a search for external love, leaving us feeling empty when the seat beside us is vacant. But the truth is, we are already full. We are born filled with our own love, our own light, and our own purpose. Choosing to be 'nothing' to someone else right now isn't a loss ,it's a decision to finally be everything to ourselves.

I’m learning to love without losing myself. It’s a work in progress, but it’s the most important work I’ve ever done.

Gentle reminder — We were never empty to begin with.🌙💕

Love you all.

DQ.

Recently, I came across a thought-provoking article titled “The Source Code of Artificial Intelligence” by Deepak Ranade, and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it since. In a world that seems increasingly fascinated and sometimes frightened by the rapid rise of artificial intelligence, this piece offered a perspective that felt both grounding and profound.

The article begins with an observation from the Nobel Prize–winning physicist Richard Feynman who once remarked–

“If our small minds, through some convenience, divide this world,into pieces–physics, biology,geology,astronomy, psychology, and so forth–keep in mind that nature is unaware of it!”

We are taught to see the world through the lens of 'subjects,' but nature doesn't come with a syllabus. I've been reflecting on the idea that our academic silos–physics, geology, astronomy are merely human inventions designed to help our small minds process the infinite. Feynman’s observation that nature is 'unaware' of these divisions profoundly changed my perspective. It suggests that to truly understand the world, we have to look past the labels we’ve spent our lives memorizing.

Modern artificial intelligence is astonishing in many ways. It can process enormous amounts of data, retrieve information almost instantly, and generate outputs in fractions of a second. Neural networks today can contain millions, even billions, of adjustable parameters. Yet, as the article points out, much of this technology still operates like a black box: incredibly powerful, but not always fully understood even by the people who build it.

What struck me most was the contrast the author draws between artificial intelligence and what he calls natural intelligence.Artificial intelligence is functional, structured, and computational. It thrives on data, algorithms, and speed. Natural intelligence, on the other hand, has something more organic about it–a quiet elegance that arises from complexity, adaptability, and harmony with the environment.

The article suggests that nature itself operates through a deeper form of intelligence: one that is interconnected, self-correcting, and continuously evolving. Instead of producing quick answers, it unfolds through long processes of balance and discovery.

As Another physicist,Arthur Compton, once reflected that the order of the universe itself points toward a profound underlying intelligence. Whether one interprets that philosophically, scientifically, or spiritually, the idea is compelling–that the universe may be governed by principles far more subtle than any algorithm we can design.This perspective doesn’t reject artificial intelligence. Instead, it reminds us that AI is still a creation within a much larger system–the intelligence of nature itself.

In the midst of the excitement, hype, and sometimes fear surrounding AI, this idea feels important.

Perhaps the real lesson is not that machines will surpass us, but that there already exists a far deeper intelligence operating all around us–one that humanity is still trying to understand.

And maybe the most remarkable thing is this: while artificial intelligence may be built to imitate intelligence, nature has been expressing it beautifully for billions of years.Technology may grow smarter every year.But the deeper intelligence of nature–the one that sustains life, balance, and complexity–may remain the most remarkable system we have ever encountered.

We spend our days trying to give machines a soul, while standing in the middle of a masterpiece. Maybe the ultimate goal of artificial intelligence isn't to replace the natural world, but to finally give us a mind small enough to realize just how vast and unified nature actually is.

Hope you enjoyed reading this. Let me know your thoughts in comments if you'd like share any-! I'd love to hear.

Until next time,

With love🩵

DQ.

I sit here near my window, I imagine the bright moon and here’s a letter to my moon.

All the emotions i buried inside me for a very long time deserve to be let out to you. Especially to you. Because I know, every time I breakdown, I come to you. Everything feels a bit light. I know, it’s been a while I sat with you. I missed you more than i can ever say. I missed my alone time( but with your presence ofc-)

I miss my solitude. I miss yapping whatever that comes to my mind to you. I just know you listen to me. You hear me. You respond in a way, only i can understand.

I miss myself more than anything. I miss the old me. I miss the kid in me. The spark I had. The hope I had. The dreams i chased.

I hate myself, when I say i hate myself. It just means I don’t feel like this version of me is healthy, in any means. To me. I hate this version of me. I hate how my trauma decides everything. My emotions. My anxiety. The way I feel about everything soo intensely. I lost a lot in just a bit. I had no time to heal from any of it. While I was going through one thing, another thing comes up, before I even heal from one.

I’ve had several breakdowns recently. I over-relied on a few close friends. Sometimes I ghosted a few. But, one thing was real- I never got a chance to take a break from everything. Never. Not even once. I hate being a burden or too much to my friends. Because, I was the kid who used to help others, it felt unusual seeking help from friends- relying on them emotionally. It messed with my head soo much. My anxiety just spikes each night. I don’t know it gets hard each day. I need a fucking break. But I still got tasks to finish. It can’t wait. But, I do need a long break. I want to disappear for a while. Because I need some time to breathe, know myself, re-build the old version of me. I want to be connected with nature, i’ve not been connected for a very long time now. It has been effecting me a lot, consuming content and never giving a break to my mind even during breaks while I do my study sessions.

I hate my study methods too. I can’t focus without music. I can’t stay stable without a company or help anymore. It is getting worse. I can’t let it get even worse. I hate my eating habits, sleep routine, the way I look too. I just feel like I’m not using my full potential. I’m letting my brain relax all the time. Chasing fake dopamine. I’m not giving “real work” to my mind. I depend on something for everything.

I hate all of this. Why can’t I use my potential? I want to go back to my old self. I want to work without turning my focus into something else. I want to revisit my old interests, habits, more importantly the old version of me who was okay being alone, and living all alone.

I needed to let this out. I wanted to ,for a very long time. I have been struggling with most of the things I love and enjoy too, including writing. But I will come back strong ( I hope)

To anyone who’s feeling any kind of pain, I pray that you feel better. Everything will be okay and it will all make sense in the end. You are not alone.

Until next time,

Love you all.

DQ.

Carpediem!

How often do we suppress our emotions and act distant, when all we really carry inside is an abundance of love we’re too afraid to show?

I find myself drawn to Kat Stratford–a teenager who loves music, reads Sylvia Plath, plays soccer, irritates her teacher with too many questions, has no real friends, and still somehow falls for a boy who sees her beyond the anger.

Kat isn’t cold. She’s careful. There’s a difference. Careful people aren’t empty,they’re overflowing. They’ve just learned that softness can be used against them. So they sharpen their edges instead. They roll their eyes. They speak in sarcasm. They convince themselves they don’t need anyone like most of us.

I think that’s what I recognized in her. The performance of indifference. The way distance feels safer than disclosure. It’s easier to act unimpressed than to admit you want to be understood.

When she reads her poem, the anger finally cracks. She lists the things she hates like she’s trying to stay composed, but her voice trembles anyway. The real confession isn’t hatred,it’s attachment. “I hate it that I don’t hate you” isn’t resistance, it’s surrender.

Maybe that’s why that scene lingers. Because most of us know what it feels like to perform indifference while quietly hoping someone sees through it. We sharpen our edges, call it independence, and convince ourselves we’re better off untouched. But underneath the distance, there’s always something softer.

And now I sit here

with all this love

I pretend not to have.

I wear distance well.

Sarcasm fits me.

Indifference looks convincing

from far away.

But underneath it,

there is so much tenderness

it scares me.

I want someone

who sees past the armor

without asking me to take it off too quickly.

Someone I can soften around.

Not fireworks.

Not forever promises whispered too soon.

Just quiet understanding.

Reading side by side.

Long walks where our hands brush

and neither of us pulls away.

Laughter that feels easy.

Silence that doesn’t feel heavy.

I want to write poems

I want to cook for someone

without acting like it’s casual.

To sing without embarrassment.

To care without rationing it.

There is a child in me

still waiting to be chosen gently.

Still waiting for a hug

that doesn’t feel borrowed.

I don’t need the world.

I just need somewhere safe

to place all this love

I’ve been holding.

And maybe one day

someone will sit across from me

and see past the practiced distance.

Maybe they’ll notice

how carefully I love,

how fiercely I stay.

Maybe I won’t have to shrink it.

Maybe I won’t have to hide it.

And when that day comes,

I won’t be afraid of how much I feel.

I’ll let it be soft.

I’ll let it be real.

Until then,

I’ll keep my heart open

not loudly,

but bravely.

With Love,

DQ.

Well, This year asked a lot of me.2025 became the year I truly began discovering myself.

It was the year I experienced my first-ever heartbreak. It not only taught me what I want, but it also made me certain about what I definitely not want in life. As an introverted-deep soul, I’ve struggled since childhood to make friends–mainly because I don’t enjoy shallow or surface level conversations.For some reason,they’ve never interested me.

For a long time, I didn’t know what I was truly looking for. I fell in love with a old schoolmate without building a strong friendship first–something that is essentially the foundation of any relationship. I broke up with him because I knew we weren't compatible. And I moved on.

It was a beautiful lesson afterall, I needed that– to know myself better, and to find the parts of me I had lost along the way.

I lost people who I taught were my forever.This year, in simple words,was about letting go. Letting go of emotional labour I was constantly carrying. Letting go of the need to overgive. Letting go of people who no longer aligned with me.

For a long time, I thought I was the problem in everyone’s life. I kept overthinking–What’s wrong with me? Why do I struggle to make friends? Why can’t I hold a casual conversation without wanting it to be deep?Maybe it was because I’ve always longed for real connection–a connection that feels genuine, heart-warming, and reminds you that you’re not alone. One that softens your heart when it’s pounding, and makes you feel safe and calm.

Being an emotional person with a sensitive heart isn’t easy. You feel deeply.You’re an empath. You find peace in solitude,but deep down, you wish someone truly knew you. You don’t trust people easily because you’ve been betrayed, left out, misunderstood far too often.You feel lost at times.

I say this from experience–you get hurt easily, and when people do hurt you, you just pretend like it didn't matter. You hide it. It’s isn't the best feeling. I know because I’ve been hurt countless times too.But I’ve also learned it’s not the end of the world. People come and go. Life goes on.

The ones who put in the effort to understand you–the ones who sense when you’re silently hurting–those are the ones who stay.Keep them close.

I used to hope people like me existed. This year, that dream came true. I found my platonic soulmates–people who just get me, who feel like another version of myself. They’re family to me. Meeting them made me realize nothing was ever wrong with me–I just hadn’t met the right people yet. They reminded me that I’m not alone, and I’m endlessly grateful to them for making my year better. I love you all so much.✨🌟

Sometimes I feel sad about how different this year was for me. It was the first time I celebrated my birthday completely alone–no friends,no gifts( though I haven't celebrated my birthday much tbh since childhood anyway).Last year birthday was different. My best friend was with me.

This New Year is different too. The person I celebrated it with last year isn’t with me this time.

But I don’t want to forget the good things this year gave me.

I experienced my first volunteering opportunity. I followed my passion for International Relations and attended the United Nations Disarmament Toolkit Programme–an experience that solidified my decision to pursue International Relations. I was stubborn. I faced immense criticism, pressure from all sides, and little to no support from family or friends. Yet, I still chose to follow my dream. Every struggle I faced made me stronger.

I’m a very nostalgic person. I turned 17 this year, and I can’t believe college is next. I feel excited and nervous at the same time. Right now, nostalgia weighs heavy on my heart–how fast did I grow up? From playing outdoors without a worry to stressing over college, exams, and responsibilities. Maybe this is just how life is. Maybe that’s why we need to live fully in the present and cherish moments as they come.

I look forward to 2026 being filled with love, joy, surprises, happiness, and good health for everyone. I hope all our dreams come true. May everything that belongs to you reach you. And may God give you the strength to face the things you don’t talk about.

I am letting go of the past. I’m not carrying any negative energy into this new year. I’m ready for a fresh start. I’m entering 2026 with a calmer mind and a stronger mindset–ready to work consistently on myself.

Thank you to the people who came and left in 2025. I want to thank every person who left in 2025, who made me learn something in my life. When they left, I felt hurt. But, later I realised that it happened for a good reason. If those people wouldn't come or leave, I won’t be learning anything about myself too. I would keep repeating the same patterns. Whatever is meant for you will find its way to you eventually. Believe that.

• A Special Note to My Homies–🌙🌟

This part is for my people–the ones who stayed, who held space for me, and who I know will read this with love.

Thank you for always being there for me, no matter what. You stood by me when I was falling apart. You saw me cry, share deep and complicated feelings, and you weren’t scared by any of it. Instead, you reminded me that I don’t have to carry everything alone.

When I was low, you shared my pain. You were simply there. Even when it was scary, you chose to stay–and that meant the world to me. You taught me so much. Every conversation helped me learn something about myself, about you, about life. It’s a blessing to have a few friends I can truly call family.

I love you all deeply–more than words can explain. You made life feel lighter. Besto (my ride or die), Shantanx(chill bro), Ish(my cutie), Obstra(my bestie), Moon (my twin), Skibidy (my pookie), Zayn (the meme dumper), Carrot (the yapper), and last but never the least–Crow (the sweetest cookie). Thank you for making my days easier. You’re the kindest people I’ve ever known.

We stay loyal. Forever. Till the end.

I hope 2026 brings you all love and happiness. You mean the absolute world to me.

And I’m sorry if I missed anyone. 🤍

Here’s to softer days, truer connections, and becoming who we’re meant to be–slowly, gently.

Pressure from all sides. No one tells you how to deal with the “biggest transition” of your life. Friends you thought were your forever,drift slowly. You don’t feel loved. You feel the constant urge to build connections–and yet you feel compelled to sit alone.You feel embarrassed to sit alone, eat alone, walk alone, worrying what others think of you if you do things alone.

It’s a circus outside you never want to be a part of.People make jokes on others ,tease others,and get a sense of satisfaction and you laugh cause you feel if you don’t–you go unnoticed.Sometimes you tend to make silly jokes that doesn't even seem like your personality but you do that just so you fit in and make some friends.You watch others form bonds effortlessly while you sit quietly, unsure how to join in. Sometimes you laugh along at jokes that sting or pretend to be okay just to avoid being overlooked. You might even catch yourself trying to fit into spaces that don’t feel like home, wondering why belonging feels like something you have to earn.

After a while, when you’re left alone and you find yourself asking questions like these :

Why am I trying to fit in?

Why am I trying to be someone else?

Just because you don’t wanna seem lonely.

These experiences can make you feel misunderstood or unseen. You try to explain yourself, try to adjust, try to match the energy around you, but it often leaves you feeling drained. In the process of seeking acceptance, it becomes easy to lose pieces of yourself.You try explaining yourself to people around you (though you certainly know they can't see you.)

You try, over and over again, to articulate your feelings just to feel seen or heard, trying desperately to fit in. In that effort, you often end up losing yourself. You feel scared and hurt, all alone.But that is exactly when you need to remind yourself: It's okay. If no one else understands you, don't forget yourself. No one knows you better than you do.People won't grasp your depth when you constantly try to explain it away. Very few true connections will see through the lens of your world, recognizing your depth even in your silence. That kind of magic is very rare. Wait until the universe unfolds it for you.

You still wonder why people forget to see the inside of you, constantly judging you based only on outside appearances.It is difficult to handle these emotions all alone, overthinking constantly. You hesitate to ask friends for help because you fear being a burden to them. Yet, deep down, you wish for someone who would simply sit with you–someone who understands without needing every detail explained.Sometimes, you even start to believe you truly are the way people see you. You walk around acting "normal," going through your usual routines, answering questions with the same practiced lines, all while a whole storm spins around in your head.

It's weird how people can stand right next to you and still have no idea what you're going through. You wonder if you're too hard to read or if everyone’s just too busy with their own lives to notice. And maybe that’s the part that hurts the most. The quiet moments where you wish someone would ask you one real question not just “how are you,” they throw without waiting for the answer.

Then you start convincing yourself your feelings are too much too hard to explain or if you tell them it'll scare them or just hurt them away hoping they’ll shrink.

But feelings don’t shrink just cause you hide them. They press on the inside of you, making you wonder how long you’re supposed to keep everything together. And even though you keep telling yourself to be strong, to stay calm, to act fine, there’s a part of you that just wants someone to look at you and actually see you–all the messy parts, all the complicated thoughts, all the thoughts you don’t know how to say out loud.

Till that someone finds you, maybe be that someone,

maybe be that someone for yourself–slowly, patiently, one thought at a time.

If you’re going through a phase like this–remember you’re not alone.

One thing that I say to myself–“This shall pass anyways”– helps me during the face of difficult situations.

Little Reminder : Be yourself,the world will adjust. Don’t let the world tell you who are you, or who you should be.

With love ♥️

–DQ.

They taught me that life moves on without anyone, and that we must learn to move too. Nothing is permanent–everything has its season, everything passes with time, and so do the hard days. I learned that God can take anything away in seconds, so stay humble, stay kind, and keep going.

Don’t wait for people who hurt you to fix the damage they caused. Don’t settle for less. When you gave someone immense love and care, and they repaid you with anxiety and loneliness–save that love for yourself. Choose the people who choose you. Smile freely, even if they don’t smile back. Be weird. Be real. Be you. Your people will find you when it’s time. Don’t rush anything that feels uncertain. Your time is precious–invest it wisely.

I now know what I want in life–in friendships, in relationships, in anything. I’m not someone who enjoys surface-level conversations or connections. I won’t stay where I’m not valued or prioritised. I know that nothing in this world belongs to me–except my soul and nature–and I’m ready to protect them.

I crave deep, soulful, meaningful connections. I want to know people fully–their favorite color, their dreams, the things that shaped them. Not out of ego, but out of depth. I don’t sit with everyone, and I have my reasons. I am a deeply empathetic, caring, loyal person–slightly awkward, introverted, but full of heart.

Warning : I turn into a podcast when i’m comfortable.

I believe there are people like me–rare, but real. I’m not desperate for it; being one myself is enough. I will continue to give love, wholeheartedly.

I am nostalgic–I miss sleeping beside my mom as a child, playing outside after school, the encouragement from my teachers and friends that helped shape who I am today. I miss every person I’ve crossed paths with–the warmth they left behind and the lessons they gifted me. I don’t regret any of it. I am grateful for everything. I cherish every single minute I’ve lived, and I’m ready to pay rent to this earth by showing up every day, caring, fighting injustice, serving my nation, and trying to make this world a better place.

A gentle reminder to myself :

You are always the love you give–don’t measure it by the love you receive.

You are already full.

And your friends who stayed–the ones who listened to you speak about the same pain a hundred times–the ones who held you through your lows,heard you cry–they are your people. They’re the ones you’ll protect forever. You’ll always be their 3 AM friend.

Even if I feel lonely sometimes, with a small circle–I feel peaceful. I feel enough.

Every experience–joyful or painful–brought me closer to myself and closer to God.

It shaped me into who I am today.

Love always.

DQ.

🌿 Here and Now, I Dwell

After reaching the shore, I love the sea.

After my hair greys, I understand the world.

Yesterday’s joy comes together

to find meaning in this moment– today.

All of today’s happiness

will find its meaning tomorrow.

To live the life I never lived,

I keep trying to make my way up.

To kindle my spring of passion–

here and now, I find it again.

Here and now, I immerse into its depths.

Hey, I see myself as a stranger,

without reason, naturally–

clear as a ray of sun.

I don’t belong in these depths, yet I dwell in them.

As a mirror, I am born,

becoming everything I see.

The joy of a kitten stepping lightly on my feet–

that is a life enough for me.

I want to brush against every beautiful thing

I come across.

I will always be myself.

Every day, I will love to the fullest.

I will reject a life restrained by convention.

I will live a life of great meaning.

With the wind flies the hawk–

beautifully, without a fixed path,

being its own reality.

Like a rock falling deep into the water,

with a renouncing of sound,

I drown myself in the sights I see.

Like a crow riding on a bull’s hump,

I will live on this earth.

I will join hands and walk along with the earth.

Some kind of ecstasy is flowing,

providing depth.

This moment embraces me like a mother

singing a lullaby.

For anyone learning to live gently, here and now.

Love y’ll✨🫶

DQ.