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it was an unconventional beginning. i was in my freshman year at yale, attempting to navigate the social landscape and playing rage cage with bud light and trying to keep up with hundreds of pages of reading every week.

just before christmas break, in december 2019, i got a message from a modelling scout asking if i would be interested in coming into their office when i was next home in london. i had had a bad experience with several modelling agencies when i was 15 (a story for another time), and i was determined that if i was going to progress with this career, it was going to be on my terms — in a way that made me feel comfortable and did not compromise my mental health. i said yes, i would take the meeting.

the meeting went well, and i signed with them on the spot. they assuaged my fears, reassured me that they would never ask me to lose weight, and i felt, in that moment, naively hopeful.

i went back to yale in january to finish my freshman year, excited at the prospect of my budding creative career co-existing with my academic development. i don’t need to tell you how the subsequent months played out — the pandemic sent everyone home, the world shut down, and i found myself back home in london by march 2020, with 4am zoom classes and a new career that relied on multiple people being in the same room. hmm.

needless to say, it was a slow start and a rough year. i finished my freshman year virtually, got mono and ended up in the hospital, recovered slowly, decided to take a gap year, decided against the traditional economics major to finance bot pipeline, worked two unpaid internships in the fashion industry, and spent my summer alternating between zoom classes and doing a whole lot of nothing. i was not particularly happy.

towards the end of 2020, as social distancing restrictions started to ease a little, modelling opportunities started to crop up again, and i started to learn how the modelling industry worked.

needless to say — it’s confusing.

the most difficult thing to wrap my head around was the idea of an ‘option’. for those unfamiliar, an option is something that a client will give to multiple models — you do not know how many — to indicate that they are potentially interested in booking them for a shoot on a particular date. it is essentially a provisional reservation of the model for a specific period, date, or job. the client uses it to secure the availability of a model while they decide whether to book them. but it is not a firm booking — they will option as many girls as they want.

so, the talent (the model) rarely has visibility into the things that actually inform the client’s decision: the timeline, budget, needs, or intended usage. i would get a message along the lines of “urban outfitters has optioned you for next thursday!”, and i’d confirm my availability.

more often than not, the option fell through.

i think this is part of what makes rejection in modelling so uniquely difficult. you are making a judgement about yourself with only half of the information. you don’t know if the client changes the budget, booked someone else, changed the creative, pushed the shoot, or simply decided that someone else was a better fit. you just know that you were told no. and when you don’t have the information to explain the outcome, it is very easy to fill in the blanks yourself.

i felt as though every single opportunity i was being given was being swiftly pulled from under me. i took every single “sorry babe, this released x” so personally. i thought to myself as i lay in bed every night — it must be because i am not pretty enough, because i am not skinny enough, because i am not tall enough.

the bruised feeling i would get after being rejected from yet another job with a dream client was a result of tying my own self-worth to my external accomplishments.

in the year after the pandemic began, i felt lost and unsure of my path. i looked to modelling as a way to validate myself — as a way to deal with issues that i could not figure out myself. if i can get hired for this job, my inner self would reason, then it will prove that i am worthy and beautiful. and then i will be happy!

i vividly remember the day when i booked what was then the biggest campaign of my career: a multi-day h&m campaign shoot in stockholm, sweden. they were paying me handsomely and covering my flights & accommodation. it was my first campaign, my first travel job, and my first big client. i could not contain my excitement. i screamed at the confirmation email and ran squealing to tell my dad.

congrats! he said calmly.

i was upset. what do you mean, ‘congrats’? this is the biggest moment of my career, i said. that’s it?

that’s it, he responded.

are you not happy for me? i said.

of course i’m happy for you, he replied. i’m always happy for you, and i’m always proud of you, and you deserve everything good in this world. but you need to remember that this booking is not a reflection of your worthiness. just as every time you get told no it is not a reflection of your unworthiness. celebrate your accomplishments and all of your wins, but be careful when you start to tie your self worth to whether or not you book a job.

in your profession, when someone tells you you are beautiful, you can’t hold onto that. and not in the way that you shouldn’t believe that you are beautiful — you absolutely should — but more so that you can’t use their opinion of you to inform your own self-worth. because once you do, you start to assign a weighty value to other people’s words. and in the same way, you will not be able to let it go when someone tells you that you are not beautiful enough. and they will.

at the time, i was confused and hurt. i was looking for him to celebrate with me, and i felt like he was trying to diminish my happiness.

but what he said has stuck with me over the years. it is perhaps the piece of advice i come back to most frequently. i have come to let these words sit deep within my belly. he is completely, utterly right.

it became clear to me about six months into modelling that this constant rejection was something that i was going to have to learn to deal with, or it would consume me. it was eating away at my sense of self. i would yo-yo between feeling excited and hopeful every time a potential job would come in and crushed when, like clockwork, it would fall through.

rejection stings the most when there is a clear discrepancy between what you believe an outcome should be and what you are given. rejection hurts when we interpret wanting something as meaning we should have it. rejection hurts because you believe that it says something about you — your worth, your looks, your intelligence, your value, your capabilities.

it is, by its very essence, an issue with the ego.

happiness has to be an internal mechanism. and ultimately, there needs to be a healthy balance between celebrating your accomplishments and understanding that they do not make you who you are. the reason why i could not believe i booked that job, the reason why i was jumping for joy and my heart was pounding out of my chest, is because i fundamentally did not believe that i deserved that opportunity.

i took the rejection i was facing on an everyday basis and i internalised it. i told myself that i was not worthy, that i was failing as a model. i took every job that i booked as a stroke of luck, a temporary reminder that maybe i could do this, and every job that i didn’t book as a reflection of my insufficiency. i compared myself to others and i believed that i was not enough.

when you are operating from a place of lack, from a fundamental lack of self-worth, you are desperate for external validation. this is how you can easily end up in relationships or situations that don’t serve you — because you are seeking something that you believe they can give you.

if you are able to truly believe that you are worthy and enough outside of your external interactions — in fact, despite them — you become much less reliant on the world to make you feel happy.

and this changes the way you experience your life — once you are happy with the progress of your life, you will start to see things differently, and you will be more likely to recognise and pursue people and situations that align with who you are. you will operate from a place of abundance, of understanding your own self-worth, and not find yourself in relationships or situations that don’t serve you.

over the years, i have learned how to deal with this near-constant rejection. there are many ways. but the two most important principles are 1) to not be attached to outcomes and 2) to have trust in the universe.

the happiest people are the ones that can wake up every day and not let the weather affect their mood. you need to learn how to be happy when the sun is shining, but also when it is raining outside. over the years, i have started to realise that this sense of seeing the world objectively comes from having a strong sense of gratitude.

so, how do you get to the point when you are comfortable with rejection? it’s easier said than done.

and i must caveat that to get to this point you need a semblance of material stability — i.e. you have to be financially stable, with food and shelter and safety. this is for people who can afford to experience rejection without it altering their basic security.

here’s what i’ve got:

1. sit in it. don’t ignore it. if it hurts, let it hurt.

2. identify what type of rejection hurts you the most, and ensure your life is full outside of this. if you can brush off someone not giving you their number at the bar, but find yourself crushed every time you’re rejected from a job — are you seeing your friends enough? do you have enough hobbies? where else in your life can you derive purpose and meaning?

3. practice gratitude. if you cannot be grateful for your life, you will look for that sense of affirmation elsewhere. allow the rejection to be a part of it.

4. have faith in the universe. this is why i think people who are deeply religious often find it easier to be happy. having a sense of trusting in a higher power allows you to not look for meaning in everything — it allows you to detach and not look for the answers. it allows you to believe that everything will work out in the end, regardless of what the path looks like.

5. practice rejecting people & things in your daily life. it sounds silly, but understand that every single day you move through life you are making choices, and choices are simply rejecting a series of options. it is a question of personal preference whether you pick the pringles or the lays. and even when you reject people in your personal life, 99% of the time it is about you — not them. once you are able to see these patterns in your own life, you realise most rejections that you face are not a reflection of who you are as a person.

dealing with rejection is one of the most important skills that you can develop. not being completely thrown off track when something doesn’t go your way is a skill that all successful people possess. it allows you to remain clear-headed and move on.

again, i’m not saying don’t celebrate your successes — but sometimes, remember to celebrate despite them. it’s enough that you’re here, on this earth, and trying your best. celebrate your wins, and your losses, and everything in between.

i’m working on this myself —which is why i’ve decided to throw a birthday party this year. as a virgo, i always used to think birthday parties were a little self-indulgent. as much as i love celebrating my friends, i couldn’t wrap my head around throwing my own party. what exactly was i celebrating? being another year older? what had i actually accomplished?

but i think i finally understand the point.

you don’t need a reason to celebrate yourself. you don’t need to have booked the campaign, got the job, hit the goal, or become the person you thought you were supposed to be. you can celebrate simply because you exist.

and maybe that is the real lesson in learning how to handle rejection: your life does not become more worthy when things go your way. so — celebrate anyway! :)

how do you deal with rejection? is there something i have missed? let’s chat!

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monday

11:09am

i am in the back of an electric car with my hood up and glasses on and my skin is slightly greasy from the plane. i am being driven down a wide road that reminds me of the journey from heathrow to london, except we are driving from cdg into paris. it reminds me of england because it’s grey outside and the road is grey too, but if i look to the right there are plenty of trees, all a rich shade of green that can only be achieved by plenty of rain. they’re the kind of trees that i would draw as a child — thick brown trunks and a full green crown.

i flew from jfk on the redeye last night and landed about an hour ago. i spent most of my flight lucidly pissed because the woman behind me kept kicking and pushing my seat. i was irritated but also woozy from my airport martini and lack of sleep and so spent the few hours suspended above the earth in a vague state of half-consciousness, listening to billie eilish’s hit me hard and soft album on repeat and dozing in and out of sleep.

i’m in paris because i’m shooting a campaign with sephora tomorrow. everyone keeps asking me what exactly it entails and i have to explain that i honestly don’t know yet. i don’t know where i’m going tomorrow or what time or what we are shooting and it’s less than 24 hours away, which is standard in the modelling industry and completely ridiculous to everyone else. but i’m excited.

as we drive, i think about how a month ago i was on set with maybelline and i heard the makeup artist next to me say that she did 21 days of meditation and it changed her life completely. the morning after that shoot i sat in bed with my eyes closed, a manifestation meditation playing from my phone’s speakers, and randomly had a vision of me in paris, in a hotel room i did not pay for, and decided that it would happen. and here we are. one month later. on the way to a hotel room in paris i did not pay for.

2:09pm

i’m standing outside a popup sandwich shop in montmartre, waiting for my focaccia sandwich with burrata and ham. i dropped my bags, had a shower, and then walked the thirty minutes here before i felt tempted to get into the bed. it was a mildly enjoyable city walk. there wasn’t much to see — my hotel is cheap and clean, and in order to be both, it is in the outskirts of paris.

i feel tired and muted, like a soft blanket has been draped over my brain. i know i am happy, but it’s hard to feel the sensation fully. i had a coffee at the hotel before i left and it wasn’t enough. i feel dulled. but i suspect i’ll sleep well tonight.

i’ve missed seeing older architecture and cobblestones and painted doors. i love the way that it feels like paris is invigorating me, as opposed to siphoning from me. it’s making me feel alive again.

6:22pm

i’m sitting outside at cafe de la poste with my book and my phone that is possibly going to die soon, which was not very smart. my book is bad but i can’t articulate why and it’s irritating me. i ordered their caesar burger and an aperol spritz with the guidance of my waiter who’s very attractive in a way that is honestly just french. he’s not my type and has a shaved head and a septum piercing but he has a gentle, genuine kindness about him and a smile that reaches his eyes and he obliged when i asked for his recommendations. he walked me through the menu and ended up recommending literally everything, even things he had not tried yet. cute. i think he got flustered.

by the end of the tour de menu i felt as though i could trust this man and i gave him my phone to charge inside and watched him walk away with his notepad and my phone and thought that might be it, i might never see my phone again. but i couldn’t muster up the energy to be genuinely concerned. then he came back not even two minutes later and said sorry, all the chargers are full right now. so i will wait.

i have been walking all afternoon, since 1pm. i walked from my hotel in saint ouen-sur-seine to montmartre, down to the 9th arrondissement, and then took the metro four stops over to the 3rd arrondissement, where i am now.

i wanted to stop in montmartre but it was flooded with tourists and starting to spit so i walked to the sacré cœur basilica and kept walking south. my friends sent me a list of paris recommendations last week and i saved them all in my maps and somehow i’ve reached a list of almost 100 already. my favourite way to explore a new city is to walk absolutely everywhere if possible and be driven by my natural curiosity, but i like to use recommendations to orient myself.

i walked and i walked and it was so empty in the streets, in a way that i couldn’t tell if it was because of a national holiday or the weather or if it was just a monday in europe or some combination. i liked it.

i hit a mental wall at around 4pm. i was feeling bloated and gross in my body and just so tired but found my spirits lifted with the discovery of a pair of vintage linen trousers that fit like a glove and make my butt look phenomenal. i bought them. all of the vintage store owners are chic bilingual young women and they smile and say bonjour when you enter and type on their phones in a way that doesn’t feel impolite, but more like they’re giving you privacy to shop.

i then walked into a vintage designer shoe store across the street and to my surprise found a pair of vintage louboutins in my size, a big fat whopping eu41, and bought them in under two minutes. they made me feel sexy and i haven’t been feeling sexy recently.

i am in paris so naturally i am sitting facing the street and someone just asked me for a lighter for their cigarette and teenagers are the same everywhere. there is someone talking loudly in a continuous stream of french to my left and i think for a few minutes that he is on the phone, until i turn my head and see that he is talking to a woman who responds sporadically and quietly. he doesn’t seem to mind. it’s nice background noise.

the couple next to me talk in both spanish and english about their day and the people they know and the food they are going to order and i wonder if they are in love and i feel so envious. they are so physically close to me that it is impossible not to eavesdrop. he tells her a story that confirms my suspicions. he says that he has learnt that when she comes out of the shower wrapped in a towel with her hair soaking wet and tells him that she is just about ready to leave, that it does not mean that she is actually just about ready to leave, and that he should not put his shoes on yet and actually she needs another twenty minutes at least. she laughs. i smile. they are definitely in love.

my food has arrived. the ketchup is in a bottle and it takes forever to get out and it’s okay, because no one is in a rush here, not even the ketchup.

tuesday

8:29am

in the back of an electric car again. this time i’m being driven from my hotel to set. i’m wearing a black skirt with lace trim and a black 3/4 sleeve v neck with my trench coat and black ballet flats. it’s overcast and spitting slightly and the sky feels bloated with the possibility of a full shower.

i woke up just before my alarm, at around 7, and lay there dozing in and out of sleep for a little while. i was glad when it went off and i could get up. i took off my biodance mask that i wore overnight and rinsed my face and applied some eye patches, and then scraped my tongue and flossed and brushed my teeth and plucked a few stray hairs on my eyebrows and applied my violette fr lip balm. then i went over to the hotel restaurant and drank a cappuccino with whole milk, because i learnt my lesson yesterday that paris is not the place to avoid dairy.

as i’m driving through the streets, i’m thinking about the architecture of a city. in paris, there is a natural way of life that means you move from point a to point b to point c to point d. in new york, it often feels like the aim is to move from point a to point d as quickly as possible. and why?

if nothing else, it is a byproduct of a system that holds capitalist efficiency above all else. when this is the ultimate goal, there is an absence of the moments in between — the friction, the unexpected interactions, the struggle. and if you try to shortcut it in a city like paris that isn’t built for that, the city pushes back. there is no way to walk as the crow flies. you have to walk left and then right and then wait. there is no faster way to do things.

i love the way the architecture of a city bleeds into your actions. i watch a man on the way to work smoking a cigarette. he pauses outside the metro station and finishes his cigarette completely, leisurely, before he descends down the steps.

the best thing that can happen when you are visiting a new city is that you’re able to embrace the best parts of it. you’re there for a short enough amount of time that you’re able to live through those parts of it and ignore the ugliness. ultimately, you romanticise it. and what better place to romanticise than paris?

the driver has the windows down and it’s cold and the air feels fresh and i feel tired and alive. it’s been seven years since i started modelling and i wonder where else this career will take me and i wonder where paris will take me and i wonder if he will ever ask me on a date. fuck.

3:52pm

i’m curled up on the sofa in the hair and makeup room in my trench coat because i’m cold. i took off my flats so i could tuck my feet up under me and they are wrapped in the bottom of my trench coat. i’m always cold.

i love my makeup artist. she is from lyon and asked if i spoke french because she caught me laughing at something someone said in french and i said i can’t really speak it anymore but i can understand most of it, so now she speaks to me in french and i respond in english and i feel connected to her in a way that only comes when you are forced to be vulnerable with someone from the outset.

i have three shots today — one is for a skincare product, which i’ve already shot, the second is for a lip combo, and the last one is for blush. she slightly messed up the timings for the lips and so i am ready two hours before i need to be for the shot. so i am curled up on the sofa, editing videos on capcut and typing this and chugging a coffee through a straw because i can’t ruin my lip.

i love shooting with other models on set. when i do ecomm work — i.e. the pictures that you see on the website — it’s rare that there are other models there. but for a campaign, it’s much more common. i ate my lunch with two other models — a forty year old woman from guadeloupe and a twenty-four year old woman from ukraine. i feel unbelievably captivated by their beauty, and their features, and their experiences, and wonder if people ever feel that way when talking to me.

we spoke about men and the trade offs of being involved with them, and what you get when you marry for money and what you get when you marry for love and what you get if you don’t marry at all, and ultimately decided that everything has its downfalls. i told them about my most recent break up and my relationship history and felt incredibly young. the woman my age said she wanted a rich husband and i said i wanted to be the rich husband and the woman older than us said that everyone she knows who married rich is divorced and lonely but they live in beautiful houses and have full custody of the kids. she shrugs her shoulders as if to say, you get what you sign up for.

the white men from the south of europe, she says, do not know historical suffering, both in their personal lives and in the history of their country, and that is why they cannot comprehend the experiences of a woman, let alone a non-white woman. these are the worst kind of men to date, she says. i agree with her, and we get up to scoop out bowls of fresh tiramisu before we head back to set. i don’t think he’s going to ask me on a date.

wednesday

11:36am

i started my morning later than i anticipated. i’m jetlagged, naturally, and couldn’t fall asleep until 3:30am. so i woke up at 10am, got ready, grabbed an almond croissant from a local boulangerie, and now i’m on the metro again, speeding towards the first arrondissement to spend my last few hours in the heart of the city. the metro is clean and efficient and the same as public transport in any large city. i find myself lured into a false sense of familiarity by the rocking and electronic station announcements and warnings and don’t pay much attention to the stops, focusing instead on finding a good song to walk through the streets to.

there is an older french woman next to me and she scrolls through her text messages with her pointer finger slowly. her background is a couple of clownfish and she has short white hair and she hovers her finger, hesitantly, over an automated text that tells her she should call a number for something nouveau, but decides against it. i exhale. next stop.

12:13pm

i’m sitting on a bench in the square louvois, a tiny garden that is in fact circular. i was surprised when i walked into the square and the benches were numerous and not fitted with anti-homeless architecture. america has ruined me. the bench is comfortable and dark green and fits nicely against the curve of my upper spine.

the water that flows through the fountain is loud and reminds me that no matter where i am in the world, i will always feel comforted by the sound of running water. i could sit here forever, listening to the water flowing and the dim sounds of traffic and the little french girls chasing each other.

there’s a small tour group to my right that enters the square, and the guide is telling them about the statue’s history but i can’t catch much of what she’s saying over the noise of the fountain. i catch snippets of 19th century and then arrested by the police of the vichy government. she says something about kids under 18 being deported from france during the war. crimes of the vichy government. i feel simultaneously disappointed that my romantic moment reflecting on the beauty of life has been ruined and guilty that i didn’t think to look at the history of the square before i sat down. i feel bad about humanity.

the woman next to me eats her baguette with jambon and scrolls on her phone and the tour group moves closer. we listen without much choice to the horrific crimes of the french government while the little girls scream as they chase each other in the grass. the tour guide talks about how one of the women depicted in the fountain is what she likes to call the ‘final boss’ of the french resistance — jewish, a woman, and a homosexual. i feel good about humanity again.

i’d just returned on the red eye from california on sunday night. a five-hour flight that surprisingly, i’d slept through. i landed in jfk on monday morning just before sunrise at 5:30am. i ubered home, took a quick shower, fueled with caffeine and whatever non-perishable breakfast-ish items i could find in my cupboards, and made my way over to chelsea for a photoshoot with a regular client.

as i lay in bed on monday afternoon after my shoot, i edited my backlog of vlogs and outfit clips and pictures of expensive matcha for my personal channels and submitted various versions of content to my social media managers for my paid brand deals. at around 6pm i got the final confirmation & call sheet from my agent for my job the next morning — a 10am call time, 20 minutes by car from my apartment. hallelujah! it felt like a divine miracle — a free evening, a late call time with a dream client, and one tired girl.

i decided that that night — monday night — would be dedicated to moving through my most luxurious, most elaborate version of my night routine. i was excited — as much as i love travelling, i always miss my routine. my plan went as follows.

although i was exhausted, i’d wait until just after 10pm to go to bed. i’d get some solid rest, wake up at 7:30am, and go to the gym before my shoot. i’d spend an hour or so there and then come back home, freshen up, and prepare for my shoot day. at about 9:30am, i’d head over to set, and arrive a comfortable five minutes early. i had it all planned out.

and so i moved through the motions: i did everything that you’ll read about below. i took my time. and it was glorious.

i love the luxury of slowly moving through an evening routine. i have written before about how i am working on giving my morning routines the same care and attentiveness as i do to my evening routines.

i am naturally drawn to the solace of the evenings, the way that my bedroom feels like a warm, dimly lit cocoon. i am drawn to the scents and the seductiveness of the hours after sunset. i am drawn to the feeling of inherent accomplishment that the evening holds — you’ve finished another day, even if nothing you did was any good.

and i love the feeling of slipping into sleep, of dozing off, of being pulled into the world of unconsciousness. i love all of this much more than i love the feeling of waking up to an alarm. and as a former insomniac, it’s not something that i take for granted.

so when i finally succumbed to sleep on monday night, at some time just after 10pm, i was content. i was happy. i was excited. i placed my phone on the floor, away from me, to add a little extra friction, in case i felt tempted to scroll on it in the morning.

i did not expect to wake up at 10:34am.

with thirteen missed calls from my agent.

fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck.

fuck.

i answered the phone in a panic. oh my god, i said. were you asleep? my agent asked. yes, oh my god. i have never done this before in my life. i said. i know, it’s not like you at all. just get there asap. he replied. of course, i said. i’ll be there in 25 minutes or less, i replied, and sprung out of bed.

while the moral of the story today is most definitely that i created the most delicious night routine known to man and slept like a complete baby for 12 hours, i would also like to share some other key takeaways.

i. being prepared will save you. i did in fact make it from my bed to set in under 25 minutes. since my bag was packed and my outfit was laid out and i had the address ready to go, i brushed my teeth and swished mouthwash and ordered my uber and put on deodorant and tugged on my clothes and drove straight there.

ii. your reputation will save you. i make a concerted effort to be reliable, on-time, communicative, and professional 99% of the time. while my agent was most definitely not happy about having to call me thirteen times to wake me up, he was more concerned that something really bad had happened to me than he was angry. i let him know my eta, told him when i’d arrived on set, apologized profusely and assured him that it wouldn’t happen again.

iii. mistakes happen. it’s how we handle them that matters! i owned my mistake. it was mine and mine alone. unfortunately. i honestly messed up. but despite this, i showed up to set and gave it my all. save for a brief bout of tears at the beginning, i had a fantastic day in the end. i worked very hard to not let my mistake ruin my day, or anyone else’s. the client was super happy with the results and it’s entirely possible that they didn’t even notice. production will go to lengths to keep the client happy, and sometimes if that means keeping them in the dark until it’s no longer possible, they’ll do it. so who knows.

iv. perspective will save you. instead of focusing on my mistake i decided that instead, i was going to focus on turning around my day and showing up as my best self. i’ve also learned that i need to turn my ringer up. and perhaps most importantly, now i have plenty of tips to share with you all!

(p.s. — i had to sign an nda for this shoot, but once i can share, i’ll share everything. i took lots of bts. and once i post, only you will know the truth of what actually happened that morning…)

that being said — you’ve been warned. move through this routine at your own risk. side effects may include a 12-hour, blissful, deep, restorative sleep.

physical

let’s start with how i cultivate a relaxed and calm physical state. as much as i would love all of this to happen naturally, i do fear that the hundreds of thousands of stimuli we encounter on a daily basis (the screens! the screens…) and the nature of the lives we live make it a little harder.

supplements

my personal rules, and i think these should be yours too: no sleeping pills. no nyquil. no benadryl. nothing questionable, nothing that you can potentially get addicted to. it’s a slippery slope.

my two favourite supplements are l-theanine and magnesium bisglycinate (often called magnesium glycinate on consumer-facing labels).

l-theanine is clinically studied to reduce stress-related symptoms, sleep latency, sleep disturbance, and use of sleep medication. (also — cognitive functions, verbal fluency, and executive function scores all improved for those that took l-theanine in the study i found. which is epic. you can read more about it here.) i take 200mg of l-theanine every evening, and this is the one that i take.

magnesium bisglycinate is clinically studied to improve sleep quality in people with self-reported poor sleep quality. you can read more about that study here! i take this mix from ritual that has 300mg of magnesium biglycinate. i blend two teaspoons in a glass of water and chug it about an hour before bed. out of all of the supplements, i do believe this has had the largest effect on my physical relaxation.

i am also a fan of lemme sleep, but i don’t like the viral claims that it will “knock you out”. it has 5mg of melatonin (which you need to be careful with — your body naturally produces melatonin and taking too much or too often can throw off its natural production) and 50mg of l-theanine per serving (two gummies), which is the perfect amount, but nothing dangerous. i do really like it. this is my go-to when i’m travelling, in a new time zone, or am incredibly stressed out. i don’t take it every day.

i also strongly recommend a hot beverage in the 30 minutes before bed, and a light dinner at least a few hours before bed. i love drinking a hot cup of peppermint tea as it aids digestion, reduces stress, and generally just has a soothing effect. if you’re not tapped into the tea game yet, get to know!

aroma

creating a space that smells good is perhaps an unnecessary indulgence, but it’s very important to me.

i love love love my ripple wax warmer. i usually set this to three or six hours and it gently warms the wax as i wind down in the evenings. i don’t think it’s got quite as much scent time as it says it does, but regardless, it’s still a nice addition to my bedroom. vibes-wise.

if i want a strong, more cleansing scent — if my room is feeling stuffy, or there’s just some bad energy — i’ll burn some incense.

if you’re also picky about scents, i highly recommend making your own candles! i refill my jars and i save so much money. i started with a kit that included everything i needed, and now i buy soy wax and fragrance oils as i need. i love to customize my scents based on the season — i think my next scent is going to feature orange blossom, for spring. a year-round favourite is fresh cotton, which smells like when you just pull clean, crisp, warm sheets out of the dryer. let me know in the comments if you have any other recommendations!

once the sun goes down, i operate on a strict no-overhead lights rule. the wax warmer and the candles create a warm, cozy atmosphere that i supplement with tapered candles, salt lamps, and a sunset lamp. if i’m reading a physical book just before bed, i will use a clip-on reading light set to the warmest setting.

other scents in my space that i reach for often include this pillow spray from neom (i also like the one from thisworks), this magnesium night balm from verden, and this l’occitane shea butter hand cream that feels like decadence in a tube.

clothing

everyone’s different with what they wear to bed. personally, i’m a pyjama girl. if i’m not wearing my skims pyjamas, i’m wearing a slip from victoria’s secret.

i’ve had a few viral videos raving about my skims pyjamas, and i really do stand by them. the soft lounge collection especially is the one, but i also love this t-shirt! i was also very pleasantly surprised by these from knix. they’re so soft and a good option for the summertime.

i also love an eye mask, especially if you don’t have blackout curtains. i’m not particularly fussy about mine — i just use a cheap one, but if you’re looking to invest, this one is amazing.

i also get lots of questions about my sheets, so i’m linking them here. they’re so incredibly comfortable! if you’re looking for 100% cotton sheets i definitely recommend brooklinen.

mental

the second category that we’re working on is being mentally prepared for a deep, restful sleep. don’t underestimate the importance of this category — if your body is tired but your brain is still moving a hundred miles a minute, it’s going to be very difficult to drift off. whatever you’ve got going on in your brain before you sleep is still going to be there in your subconscious while you’re unconscious. it’s going to just manifest through your dreams, through your quality of sleep, through your brain activity. so, let’s get this right.

the number one thing that helps me here has been working on reducing my anxiety in a broader sense. i won’t go into detail on this post as to how i’ve done this, but please let me know if you’d be interested in this. but if you are someone that tends to stress a lot as you lie in bed with your eyes closed, i’ll offer one tangible technique that has helped me time and time again — schedule the worry.

for me, i was convinced that working through my stresses and trying to problem solve them before bed was a good use of my mental energy. in reality, this was very rarely the case. i’d ruminate and run circles in my own mind and then wake up and forget everything i’d been thinking about, or realise that it was all half-asleep nonsense. what materially helps me for trying to problem-solve before bed is telling myself that i can worry about x, y, and z tomorrow when i wake up. in fact, it’s the first thing i’ll do when i open my eyes in the morning: worry. even better — schedule a time. put it in your calendar! 11am tomorrow, put ‘time to worry’. and set aside 20 minutes of your day to just sit there and do all the ruminating and all the worrying. it sounds ridiculous, but it works — it allows your brain to relax now. when you feel a thought coming into your brain, just politely tell it that it’s okay, you have time to worry about it tomorrow.

never once in my life have i actually used the ‘time to worry’. 99% of the time i wake up and realise it’s actually all okay. lol.

it is worth mentioning that everyone deals with their mental state differently. what works for some might not work for others. journalling before bed stresses me out, but other people find a nice mental release in the process. some people love to stretch, or move through some gentle yoga. play around and see what works for you. what puts you in the best mental headspace? what makes you feel truly relaxed?

regardless, a non-negotiable in your routine should be no screens for an hour before you sleep. i shouldn’t even need to tell you how many scientific studies support this.

personally, i like to fill this time with reading. it’s become an unshakeable habit. it calms me down. it allows me to escape. it’s ad-free. it’s fun. it is the reason i’m able to read over fifty books a year. it also gives you bragging rights, because you are undoubtedly superior if you read before bed. i’m currently reading god of the woods and i’m devouring it, so if you’re looking for a good thriller then i definitely recommend. but anything works!

what’s a non-negotiable in your night routine? what am i missing in mine? let me know below!

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love, eden x

7:53am

i just woke up in my bed in brooklyn, alone and in a good mood, and i can see the sun shining behind my curtains that are most definitely not blackout curtains. i think it’s going to be a good day. in fact yes, i’m deciding now, it is going to be a good day. i had a bout of inexplicable sadness over the weekend that feels like it has lifted with the start of the new week and i’m going to roll with that. today i have a half day shoot with a bridal brand, which means i’m going to spend half of my day modelling wedding dresses. my job is weird. because what do you mean i get paid to try on wedding dresses for a few hours?

i have to be on set for 9:30am, which is generous, and i have to come hair and makeup ready. i’m going to do my usual morning routine and head over. i feel a bit puffy, so i’m going to do the rhode depuffing mask and some undereye patches and let those sit while i make my usual morning concoctions of warm lemon water with honey and turmeric and a hot cinnamon almond latte. i’ve also been making a concerted effort to not drink my coffee on an empty stomach, so i’m going to have some yogurt and fruit before my coffee even though i’m not particularly hungry.

for the first time in a long time i didn’t wake up and read. i finished dream count by chimamanda ngozi adichie yesterday afternoon and it feels wrong to start a new book first thing in the morning. i only read for ten-ish minutes in the morning and i like to read at least the first fifty pages any time i’m starting a new book, so i’ll crack into it at some point today. i think i’m going to go for writers and lovers. want something light and easy. want something i can read quickly. want something that’s going to make me cry, tbh. want to know what happened in that mysterious time jump in heart the lover. iykyk. time to get up.

9:05am

rushing for the train and in my rush to lock the front door i accidentally whipped out a travel perfume with my keys from my pocket and it shattered. fuck. at least the front doorstep will smell good.

9:09am

so my maps lied to me. and in fact the train that i just ran for doesn’t exist. now i’m on the subway platform waiting for the next train uptown, that is in six minutes. which means i’m about to be probably eight minutes late. which sucks but also like what can you do.

i rushed through my morning routine but got everything done. i ate my yogurt and blueberries, drank my hot cinnamon almond latte, and downed my honey lemon turmeric concoction. layered my dedcool xtra milk with my prada infusion d’iris. i smell like spring. i listened to the new raye album while i painted my face. it feels like all the media i’ve been consuming recently has just had a very overt message of hey, men reallyyyyy suck, and you know what? fair enough.

i gua shad my face with my metal gua sha and the remnants of the rhode depuffing mask and it felt so nice and cooling. i haven’t given myself a facial massage in so long. why not? i don’t know. i have about fifty different devices, and i just don’t use them. i’ve still not tried the medicube booster that they sent me last month. my nuface is collecting dust. my nuface that i bought on facebook marketplace last year for fifty dollars, before i started getting sent things for free every day. a different time.

my makeup looks okay though, i think — natural and glowy and simple. here’s everything i put on my face, in order:

• eadem mami wata facial mist

• rhode facial mist

• ilia the base face milk

• tatcha the dewy milk moisturiser

• iconic london underglow blurring primer

• refy skin tint

• haus labs concealer under my eyes and kosas concealer on my spots

• kosas brow pop nano in brown black

• make beauty infinite hold brow gel in clear

• westman atelier sun tone bronzing crème in soleil partfait 3

• haus labs glassy blush balm in hibiscus

• saie powder blush in grazie

• hourglass unlocked instant extensions mascara in espresso

• saie sliptint undetectable baked powder in translucent 2

• kosas cloud set baked powder in candy

• kosas cloud set airy spray

it was a kosas day, in hindsight.

9:19am

on the train, finally. still five stops away. everyone is sniffing really loudly and it’s pissing me off. irritated at other people because i’m irritated at myself for running late. ever heard of projecting? it’s standing room only on the train because it’s still rush hour. time to plug in my headphones and listen to some music. i’ve been really loving listening to verdis quo by daft punk on my commute because it was in an episode of the most recent season of industry and i love that show and it’s also like six minutes long, which means i can enjoy the whole song leisurely perhaps a couple of times over and then be at my destination. it makes me feel the same as the succession theme song. like i can achieve anything i want, albeit in a morally ambiguous harper stern way. daft punk were really ahead of their time.

9:24am

there’s a woman on the train in a full orange outfit. bright orange hair, orange saks potts-style coat, orange bag, orange shoes. it looks awesome and she is rocking it. i love people watching and i love getting inspiration from how people dress on the subway. having good style is truly three dimensional because it’s not just about the clothes that you wear, it’s about how you wear them and how you act and the vibe that you give off. i think the best way to develop your personal style is to get off pinterest and go outside and be inspired by how people dress and carry themselves in real life. scrolling on pinterest for fashion inspo is like using hinge to date. it’s great in theory, but it’s always better in person.

9:27am

posting an instagram reel while i have service at the fulton st stop because i’m trying to be diligent about posting every day on instagram, and as annoying as it makes me feel, my desire to succeed at my goals is greater. and one of my goals this year is to get to 10k followers on instagram. which should be doable. cute little transition video. dare i say my makeup looks good. practice makes perfect.

9:31am

just got off at my stop. six minute walk. fuck. listening to the new don toliver album because i can’t stop listening and responding to whatsapp messages in my family group chat. my brother just dyed his hair ginger and keeps facetiming me to show me but i haven’t had it in me to pick up yet. people look really happy in the west village this morning. i think because the sun is out. there are lots of people carrying bouquets of flowers and they’re all for someone or something or just because and that’s sweet.

9:37am

made it. seven minutes late. could’ve been worse i guess. i apologised profusely because i hate being late to work and they said no worries at all, they too are running a bit behind. phew. they probably wouldn’t have noticed if i didn’t say anything, but i still would always rather apologise.

11:36am

wow. we’ve been going back to back because i’m the only model and there’s a lot to capture in a short amount of time, so i haven’t been able to check in before now, but these dresses are insanely gorgeous. they’re beautiful and romantic and dramatic and so carefully constructed. i’m actually getting emotional trying on wedding dresses. what is wrong with me? but that’s kind of normal though, no? or is it just normal if you’re actually getting married? i’m so single right now. i bet i’m gonna get my period next week.

12:15pm

taking a quick break and eating lemon loaf and drinking another almond latte that the team got for me. this time iced. they grabbed lemon loaf, a cheddar chive scone, and two chocolate chip cookies and put them all in my dressing room and said help yourself. cute! the team is so lovely and a little bit stressed and they flew in from new zealand for the week. i completely forgot it was bridal week this week. we have this whole bridal store to ourselves. it’s just me and the photographer, and there are a few models slipping in and out for a fitting ahead of the presentation on wednesday. it’s a gorgeous, beautifully lit brick building that is longer than it is tall. each of the changing rooms are luxurious — multiple mirrors, great lighting, a sofa, and lots of places to put your stuff. i don’t know why i’m surprised. i guess when you’re a) shopping for expensive dresses or b) shopping for your wedding dress, the changing room should not be giving zara. my bar is pretty low.

we’re shooting both photo and video. all of the content i’m shooting is for social media. this is how it goes — i take a bunch of mirror selfies and some videos on the team’s iphone, then the photographer swoops in and takes a bunch of pictures and videos of me, and then we switch to the professional camera. then she adds a veil and we do that whole song and dance again. the vibe is very romantic, lots of slow and delicate yet dramatic movement. i think we have about seven or eight dresses in total to get through. also, the camera she’s using has a silent shutter which if you’re a model you know is difficult. lana del ray is playing and i feel romantic and gorgeous and feminine and it’s so crazy i’m trying on wedding dresses tbh. wish i could show you but they don’t come out until october.

12:45pm

two more to go! coffee break. the one i just shot was gorgeous and simple, like a shirred silk kind of fabric, with a large rosette on the hip.

1:47pm

wrapped!

what a gorgeous morning. just stepped outside and the sun is shining. i’m right by meadow lane and i’m going to pop in because i haven’t been there yet, and i’m very curious. i’m going to just peruse though because i have plenty of food at home for lunch. maybe a juice or a coffee? although it’s probably not great to have three coffees in one day. ugh. i have this internal battle with myself regularly. most days actually. i think i should cut back on caffeine, then i tell myself that actually it’s okay because there are so many worse things i could be addicted to. and in the grand scheme of things having two coffees in a day is not crazy. then i drink it and then i feel guilty and then the cycle repeats.

1:53pm

spent approximately 24 seconds inside meadow lane. the chicken tenders did look good and if i didn’t have food at home, i would’ve been tempted to get maybe the tuna salad or the chicken salad. but i have food at home, so. that’s that. there are lots of cute young people with young babies and small dogs walking around, and everyone kind of looks the same. i keep doing a double take and thinking that i know someone, but everyone just looks the same here.

i’m feeling a little tired — a shoot is always socially draining, even with the best team in the world. it requires copious amounts of small talk and being fully on the whole time. it is by no means a difficult or challenging job, but it can definitely feel taxing at times. i don’t feel very taxed right now but i also don’t feel fully charged either. i also don’t think i slept for quite long enough. the day is my oyster though. what to do? i have to call my dentist back to confirm my appointment. i have to run through all of my active brand deals and make sure i have nothing due. in fact, i have a couple of videos i should film. i want to go to the gym and maybe edit a few things from the treadmill. i want to have a nice, cozy, early night. we’ll see.

1:58pm

want to wander around but also want to just be home. wandering around in the direction of the subway because i know if i spend any more time outside right now, i will somehow spend money. i know myself well enough. and i don’t need to spend money. i own clothes and i have food at home. silly girl!

2:03pm

waiting on the subway platform again, which feels like it’s something that i spent half my life doing. i always just miss the downtown trains and it’s going to be another six minutes before the next one arrives, but that’s okay, because i have nowhere to be. i always have to triple check my calendar to make sure that that’s the case. there’s a low buzzing coming from somewhere that kind of sounds like an organ. it feels almost religious, down here on the chambers street downtown platform. i’m definitely tired and definitely want another coffee.

2:11pm

on the train and realising my pounding headache might be due to the fact that i didn’t chug any water this morning and had two coffees. first plan of action when i get home - chug water. second plan of action - start my book.

2:21pm

scrolling through the selfies i took today in wedding dresses and i realised that unfortunately (or fortunately?) i need to either have a lot of money or marry someone with a lot of money, because i want a really really nice wedding and i want to look really pretty. and looking pretty at a wedding requires a lot of money.

if you’re in a bad relationship i’d actually recommend trying on wedding dresses because i can imagine that nothing will sober you up to the fact that you don’t want to marry the person you’re in a relationship with like seeing yourself look insanely beautiful in a wedding dress and thinking wow. they don’t deserve that. but now i’m writing this and thinking there are probably lots of people who try on wedding dresses and think wow, they don’t deserve this, but walk down the aisle anyways. that’s sad.

2:24pm

got lost in that thought and missed my stop. and i’m on the express train. damn it.

2:27pm

got off the train at the next stop and went up the steps and walked across and then walked back down the steps and now i’m on my fourth subway platform of the day, waiting for the train. nothing new here. it’s been warm enough to use my citibike membership recently but since i already paid the three dollars for the train and i’m only going one stop, may as well take it back. texted a picture of me in a wedding dress in my family group chat and said “surprise!” and my dad responded “between you and your brother… ugh”, which is a valid response considering my brother looks like a carrot right now. at least i’m getting paid for my antics.

2:31pm

sometimes i think “maybe i should just do nothing this afternoon” and then i open instagram and i see that someone two years older than me bought a house and i think well, let me get on my zoom actually. and by get on my zoom i mean do the work that i don’t want to do, and eat the food i don’t want to eat and go to the gym and actually read my book and work on becoming a better person instead of like, scrolling on instagram. that’s one of the biggest ways my mindset has changed over the past few years. i used to see stuff like that and it would make me feel envious. and sad. and stuck. and now it just inspires me because i really believe i can do anything i set my mind to. it’s just a question of timing. there’s also enough to go around. i can see everyone else celebrating their successes and not feel like it’s diminishing mine. abundance mindset, i suppose. try it!

2:42pm

home finally. yay! chugging water and going to open two packages - one is edge drops that i ordered from cécred that i desperately need, and the other is pr from a collab between athena club and charlie beads, which is super cute.

2:44pm

omg. it’s a pair of yellow bloomers, some natural deodorant (i will be testing that out), some body lotion (thank god!), and hair and body mist. feels so spring and cute and i’m so happy. i love getting pr. plan of action — tidy up my room since my makeup area is a bit of a mess since i left so quickly this morning, and hopefully by the time i’m done with that my roommate will be done with her call in the kitchen and i can make a late lunch.

2:51pm

really want a hot cross bun. ughhhhhh americaaaaaaaaaaa

3:19pm

absolutely inhaled that lunch. perfect bowl combo of leftovers (probably only perfect to me): ground beef, jollof rice (leftover from my book club yesterday), roasted red peppers, cottage cheese, pickled red onions. the whole protein thing was never a trend for me, guys. i feel satiated and the headache has eased a little and now i’m contemplating what form of caffeine to have.

i want to go to the gym before it gets too busy, which is around 5:30pm usually, so maybe i’ll go at 4ish and just walk for six miles. i’ve been walking at speed 4 which is fast enough to cover six miles in an hour and a half but not fast enough to be running. i’ve been loyal to my workout split for a couple of months now and honestly — she’s been working. the general gist of it is two heavy lower body days (glute focused) in the gym, one to two pilates days (usually solidcore or an at home workout), one (hot) yoga day, and then a few intentional cardio sessions where i can. that count towards 10-15k steps a day. like ish, i’m not super strict with it because that’s when it stresses me out. the goal for summer is waist invisible and butt visible. i’ve been putting in the work so when i look really good, no one be surprised. but you can still be a little surprised in my instagram comments and say things like wow, i had no idea you looked sooooo good!!! and someone can let jacob elordi know i look really good. thanks.

3:31pm

giggling because a man just texted me with a book recommendation. it’s atomic habits.

3:35pm

working from bed for a little bit. cracked open a bloom for some caffeine, but i’m telling myself i’m only going to drink half, which i think is acceptable and appropriate. plus 4pm is usually my caffeine cutoff anyways. here’s what i want to get done in the next little bit:

• call dentist to figure out how much they are going to charge me next week

• read all 143 unread emails and respond to anything i need to

• accept ad partner requests to the ilia team ahead of my post going live tomorrow

• send over a visual & verbal hook for review to the sundae body team for my ugc work with them

• check my gifting requests

• read & respond to dm requests for partnerships on ig

• post my tbr list as a swipe-through on tiktok

• post my chanel beauty pr video moment on tiktok

• forward partnership request to my social media manager

• update my campaign tracker

• respond to comments

• finalise filming list for tomorrow

• update my ynab

• schedule a hair appt

3:41pm

dental office just called and told me that my copay for my appointment will be $193.61. i don’t know what america has done to me, but i breathed a huge sigh of relief. perspective.

3:53pm

just had a flashback to the four extra dirty martinis i had on saturday night. probably contributing to this headache.

4:19pm

almost done with my tasks. skims email distracted me and now i want this set.

4:37pm

got most things done. still to do: send over visual & verbal hook for review to the sundae body team, respond to comments, and finalise filming list for tomorrow. all things i can do from the treadmill. don’t want to go to the gym and walk on the treadmill but i’ve started treating it like a non negotiable and now it’s just like a thing that i do. going to the gym is me clocking in. because honestly my job is to look good. it’s pretty simple. the least i can do is clock in to my job at the looking hot factory.

4:46pm

leaving for the gym now. pulled back my hair in a low pony and i’m wearing my vuori navy straight leg pants and a navy blue nike sports bra and my grey yale crewneck because sometimes i just need to let people know i went to yale. spritzed myself with margiela beach walk because i’ve been wearing perfume to the gym for fun and i like something subtle but not too overwhelming. and i miss the beach. thinking about what it would be like to be in a man’s brain for a day. not because i think it would be that interesting. i’m just curious. what do they actually think about? i was just thinking about my purpose in life and then i was thinking — i don’t know if a man is thinking about that at 4pm on a monday. or at all really.

4:57pm

ran into my roommate leaving for the gym at the same time as me which was a lovely surprise so we walked over together. she’s going from the gym to her pottery class and she asked if i had any requests, because she’s nearly at the end of her course. i requested a mug.

5:13pm

1.14 miles down and i’ve reviewed the brief but i can’t write a script while i’m walking. i can do a lot of multitasking but that isn’t one of them. and now i’m getting bored of my playlists. idk what’s up with spotify but they have completely lost the ability to suggest anything remotely new, like ever. i blame ai.

going to listen to don toliver’s album again i guess. or maybe i’ll put on this fred again set.

5:31pm

listening to some snoop dog and responding to tiktok comments and feeling really good. 2.35 miles down. my friend just texted me about a pool party happening next weekend when i’m in la and i’m so fucking excited to be in la. i love la!! already thinking about what i should wear. literally not even personally invited but like, whatever.

5:46pm

responded to all the comments on my sephora sale recommendations video. i love when people are kind and sweet in my comments. so cutie.

5:49pm

i do fear that midnight sun by zara larsson might be one of my top songs of the year. in fact i don’t fear it. also 3.55 miles down.

5:54pm

i just remembered that the sundae body concept and script is due by eod. since my management is in la, i’m going to generously assume that means eod in la. so as long as i get it over by 8pm, i’m good. right? right. 4 miles done.

6:06pm

i try to post three times a day on tiktok, and i just posted my third tiktok of the day. wohoo. so fun. listening to hannah montana by ice spice and posting my tbr list on substack. pls weigh in.

6:13pm

5.13 miles. i often reflect on what i do for work and i think one of my favourite things about it is that i feel as though i have so much agency with how i live my life.

i don’t think that anything i do on a day to day basis for my work is particularly challenging, which i’m honestly happy about. the way i see it, it gives me the mental and emotional bandwidth to invest that energy i would be investing into someone else’s dreams, or someone else’s company, into my own. i like that i have the flexibility to determine what i do with my days, and that i have the time to carve out my own schedule. i like that i have agency over what direction i am going with my social media, and that i have creative freedoms when it comes to my career. i don’t think i’ll be doing modelling or social media forever, but right now it’s where i’m happiest. this career makes me happy in the present moment, and when i am happy, i am a better person - a better friend, a better lover, a better sibling, a better neighbour. is that not what we all strive to be?

i still have high ambitions in my career, don’t get me wrong, and i want to be wildly successful in multiple regards, but perhaps i will not achieve that through the traditional path that i envisioned myself going down when i was younger.

6:27pm

6 miles finished in exactly an hour and a half. thank god.

6:34pm

home, and just preheated the oven for my salmon. i’m not super hungry right now, especially because i ate a late lunch, but i can feel that i’ll be hungry in about 30 minutes, so those timings should work. i’m going to have a miso crunch salad bowl with sweet potato and salmon on the top. seasoning the salmon with salt, pepper, some miso, and a squeeze of lemon. and i just cracked open a heath-ade kombucha. cayenne cleanse flavour. perfect! perfect.

6:50pm

salmon’s in the oven and there’s ten minutes left on my 15 minute timer. let’s see if i can write this visual and verbal & hook in that time.

7:21pm

finished my dinner. deeeelicious. also wrote a few iterations of the script that i scrapped. took me longer than i thought because i had to write the whole script before i could finalise the hook but i got it done, and sent to my manager for review.

7:57pm

showered and exfoliated and moisturised my whole body and swallowed my pills and supplements and now i’m in bed with my red light mask on. skin is clean and the only thing on my face is the ilia lip mask, which i went off for a bit, but recently i’ve been waking up with the softest lips when i put it on before bed so. she’s back in the rotation. want some chocolate but am worried if i open a bar i’ll eat the whole bar which is not really an issue in theory, but will be in practice. mentally. going to finish my kombucha and my red light and edit these words before i post to the world tomorrow, and i am feeling a bit anxious about it. a bit naked, if you will. to have my naked day in your inbox. c’est la vie. c’est my vie.

9:14pm

that took me a lot longer than i thought, but i just reread through everything and added links and references where appropriate. if you made it this far, i adore you and thank you for spending the full day with me. please let me know if you liked this, if you hated it. i’m just trying new things over here and i have no idea how they’re going to land. and a major shoutout to girl insides — the og inspo. my queen.

i’m going to schedule this to go out in the morning, and then i will finally crack open writers and lovers, enjoy my kombucha, chug my water, put on my retinal and do my skincare and go to bed preferably before 11pm. so goodnight! x

while i was already modelling on the side, i was having a slow year, and i wasn’t making enough to do it full-time. on top of this, i was barely covering my rent with my part-time work. although i had always been diligent with having enough savings to fall back on in case something like this happened (start that emergency fund!), it wasn’t a long-term solution.

i reached a crossroads. i had to decide if i was going to go back into corporate full time, or take a leap of faith.

i took the leap of faith.

from a practical side, i felt like i understood the payoffs of becoming a content creator better than most. i’d worked with influencers from the brand side and i’d seen what they were charging. astronomical. i’d worked with beauty brands from the modelling side and i’d seen their budgets. also astronomical. and from my six years in the modelling industry, i felt like i had a keen sense of what it takes to put your physical self out there and experience rejection — over and over and over again. one thing i’ll say: it’s a learned skill!

but beyond the practicalities, beyond the financials, more than anything, what i wanted was freedom. i didn’t know exactly where i was going to go with this pursuit. i didn’t know what my life would look like in a year, let alone in ten. but i wanted the freedom to decide what i want to do with my life. i wanted the time to figure it all out, on my own terms. i wanted to create a community of people who felt like my people. people who, sure, love makeup and skincare, but also love to live life intentionally, people who love to read, people who love to move their body, people who love to be creative. people who are figuring it all out, day by day. just like me.

i’m not naive enough to believe that my modelling career will last forever. and i’m also not naive enough to think that the rest of my life will be spent posting on social media. but while i am still young (ish) — why the hell not.

so i started.

it took me six long months to land my first paid brand deal. six months! six months of posting three times a day on tiktok. six months of being so beyond embarrassed every time i posted on instagram. six months of texting everyone i know “should i just quit???” six months of not even making enough money to cover my rent. six months of cringing and failing and learning and getting things wrong over and over and over again.

but the six months were necessary. i learned so much, not only about myself and creating content, but about my audience. about you guys. and i’m still learning, every single day.

and here we are. in the past six months i’ve worked on paid beauty brand deals with l’oreal paris, maybelline, farmacy beauty, kosas, first aid beauty, ilia, colorescience, fresh, refy, beauty pie, ipsy, m.ph beauty, typology, r.e.m. beauty, violette fr, anastasia beverley hills, and many many more. i now receive so much pr that i have to give most of it away. i’m working on figuring out where i want to go next. and i don’t think it’s all one big coincidence.

if you follow me on tiktok or instagram or anywhere else, you’ll probably already know that beauty is not the only kind of content i make. i love to share content about books, wellness, yoga, modelling, and so much more. that’s all intentional — and i can share more about my organic content strategy if you’re curious.

but this article will focus on beauty because that’s where i landed my first paid collabs, and that’s where i was the most intentional and strategic.

and if there is anything that you take away from this — i want it to be to just start. you can figure out how to make it pretty later.

so, without further ado, here are three very specific strategic moves that i made when starting out with beauty content that fast-tracked my progress to a paid brand deal.

1. follow the numbers

in case you’re unaware, i was an econ major at uni, and so i’m always willing to follow the numbers. i like data, i like statistics. so before i made the final decision to start posting, i looked at where we were at.

i looked at the distribution of the influencer marketing industry and saw that it was trending up. the global influencer marketing platform market size was valued at $23.59 billion in 2025 and is now projected to grow from $27.54 billion in 2026 to $89.90 billion by 2034, with a cagr (compound annual growth rate) of 15.90% during the forecast period. furthermore, north america dominates the influencer marketing platform with a market share of 37.20% in 2025.*

and while the total global influencer marketing industry is expanding, so are the internal budgets. beauty brands are allocating larger portions of their marketing budgets to influencer collaborations, because there is a higher roi (return on investment) than traditional marketing means. plus, smaller creators are increasingly favoured by brands as they have a close connection to their audiences, allowing the brands to reach their specific target audience and convert their potential customers at a lower average cost.*

once i’d established there was a path in the industry as a whole, i started to look more specifically at brands.

there are many published reports that will show you not only the top beauty brands, but also the fastest rising brands. these brands will be focused on sustaining and expanding their growth, and it’s likely that they will employ influencer marketing as a means to do so. some will even publish their internal budget distributions, so you can see just how much they are allocating to each segment.

from here, it’s important to then consider what brands are actually working with creators — and not just any creators, but creators on the smaller side. some brands will spend the vast majority of their influencer marketing budget on bi-annual brand trips for large-name creators. is it worth making content about this brand every single day in the hopes that they will notice you? if your goal is simply for them to pay you to make content, then probably not. they won’t have the budget to be paying micro creators, since it’s probably all going towards alix earle’s villa in turks and caicos.

so take note of what brands are actually working with creators. how else can you do this? pay attention to the paid collaborations that your favourite creators are doing. pay attention to the brands that are in people’s comments. go on your favourite beauty brands’ pages. is their content all clearly internal, or graphics, or are they hiring tons of creators to make ugc content for them? make informed, data-driven decisions.

2. use what you’ve got

at the beginning, i don’t think you need to spend money to make money. you’re probably familiar with successful beauty content creators making videos trying all ten shades of a brands’ lipgloss, or doing an in-depth review of every launch of the newest products. now that i’m on the other side of it, i can confidently say that they are most likely being sent all of it for free. so don’t try to blindly copy this.

also, brands are paying for access to your audience — try your own style. make it your own. experiment!

start with what you know. lean into your own, personal strengths. i’m not a full glam girlie. (i’m working on it, and documenting my journey, but that’s a separate conversation). when i thought about the beauty content that i wanted to make, i thought about 1) what i do naturally, 2) what i get the most compliments on, and 3) where i actually influence my friends in real life.

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meg woke early and suddenly, shaken out of her subconscious into the early tenderness of the morning. the sun had not yet risen. she had a habit of never closing the curtains to sleep, and so the room was bathed in the cool, deep blue of the moments before dawn. beads of condensation clung to the window, some slinking down and pooling into the swollen white windowsill. she closed her eyes. damp, stale sweat wet the back of her neck where her cotton nightdress met her skin. she knew she would not be able to go back to sleep.

with an exhale, she reached her right hand across her empty bed for the cord of her lamp, her fingers finding the plastic mound of the switch. warm yellow light bathed the room, illuminating the dark wood of the chest of drawers across from her bed, the teal desk flush against the window, the stack of books in the corner by the door, the half-empty glass of water on her bedside table. she sank her head back into the pillow and stared at the ceiling. she moved her left hand over her heart and her right hand over her belly. she breathed in. her chest and belly rose. she breathed out. her eyes closed.

friday. today was the day.

she dressed quickly, grabbing a light blue quarter zip that had been her father’s and tugging it over her head. it was late summer. the house was cool and quiet. she took the back staircase downstairs, the carpet missing in a home improvement project her mother had never quite finished, her feet bare on the naked wood. she flicked on the hallway light.

the hallway, much like most of the rest of the house, was lined with pictures of her family at various stages in their lives — her and her twin sister as young and chubby things running naked through the garden grass, family portraits, smiling shots of her sister hanging upside down from a tree trunk, her hair falling over her face in a glossy curtain. she glanced away from the frames as dolly padded into the doorframe at the end of the hallway. her brown eyes were crusted with sleep but her long black tail was alert. she looked at meg, head cocked, and padded towards the back door. meg followed her, pausing only to tug on her wellies.

she walked with dolly down to the lake. the sun was starting to rise. dew frosted the tips of the grass, and a light wind kissed the nape of her neck. it had not rained properly in a while, and twigs snapped noisily under her wellies as she picked through the undergrowth to the water’s edge. as she sat down on a seat carved from a fallen log, she tucked her hair behind her ear and hugged her knees into her chest. she could feel pieces of mulch and damp seeping into her white nightdress. she smiled as dolly padded over with a tennis ball between her teeth. dolly dropped it by her feet and stood expectantly.

she threw dolly’s tennis ball into the lake and it landed with a satisfying splash. as dolly chased after it, meg thought about the get-together today. there was one more week of summer and then their friend group would all go back to university, scattered across the country like pollen on water. they’d arranged to meet at the pub at two. the plan was a long lunch, a few pints, and then back to jake’s afterwards. jake. her boyfriend. meg chewed the inside of her cheek as she picked at a scab on her knee. she pulled it off slowly — it wasn’t quite ready — and watched as a watery red fluid seeped from the wound. she licked her finger and wiped the wound once, twice, then wiped it on her nightdress. what a stupid girl she was.

while meg had stayed at home for the last month of the summer, their friend group had convened at jake’s family’s vineyard in the south of france. her sister and jake had begged her to come, but there was nothing they could say that could convince her. how could she explain that her body was slowly becoming laden with lead? she could feel it numbing her limbs. it flowed through her arteries like concrete. it sat heavy and wet on her brain. it weighed her eyelashes down, atom by atom, until her eyelids flickered closed in the early hours of the afternoon.

she didn’t know how to explain that she either wanted to be by the lake, or in bed.

they took turns begging her, saying that they wouldn’t go without her. that the trip wouldn’t be the same unless she was there. but then one day the front door closed, and they were both gone.

dolly was in front of her again, panting, the ball on the ground. she was such a good dog. her eyes searched meg’s for something that meg would never be able to place. meg picked up the ball and threw it again. the sound of the splash reverberated into the surroundings, and she watched as a flock of pigeons flew into the sky. the trees stood cautiously to attention. they had seen it all. was it better to be ignorant? she didn’t know. none of it seemed to matter anymore.

they’d come back a few days ago. jake had given grace a lift from the airport in his shiny red beetle. meg had helped them grab their stuff out of the car. jake had grabbed her face in between his hands and kissed the top of her head. i missed you so fucking much, he murmured, and pulled back, eyes searching her face. she pulled away as grace emerged from the passenger seat. she looked golden — her skin bronzed and freckled, her brown hair lustrous and long, arms laden with presents of hand-pressed olive oil and italian wine from jake’s vineyard. meggie! she screamed, thank god you’re alive, and they all went inside.

meg was snapped out of the memory by dolly’s ball at her feet again. she stood up, her limbs protesting, and started the walk back to the house. she paused on the path just after the gate, dolly trotting ahead to the back door. from here, she could see the whole house. it was an old brick house, spacious and tall, with ivy and honeysuckle clinging hungrily to its bones. her mother had spent the last year working on a renovation of the kitchen. part of her project had been to transform the downstairs area into an open plan space, complete with french doors that backed onto the vegetable garden.

from where meg stood, she had a direct line of sight through the doors into the whole of the kitchen. it was empty. she closed her eyes. she could feel the morning start to lift around her. the image flashed into her mind without warning.

it was the morning after grace and jake had come back. she’d woken early, as she often did, exhaustion deep within her bones but no chance of falling back asleep. she’d taken dolly down to the lake, left jake half asleep in her bed. she’d walked back up to the house less than an hour later, stopped to unlock the gate, and looked through the french doors into the kitchen. that was it, then. jake was sitting up on the kitchen island. grace was standing in between his legs, facing away from him, her eyes closed, a smile tugging at the edges of her lips. he was running his fingers through her hair, more gentle than he ever had with her. meg had stood there, frozen, unmoving, unblinking.

she felt the sickening thought that finally, she had something of her own. but of course she didn’t. it wasn’t even her secret, and it would never be hers to keep.

she was an idiot.

she had felt the shame rise from somewhere deep inside of her. it felt as if it had lived inside her all along. it coursed through her veins again now, making her hot and dizzy and heavy, surging into her head and roaring in her ears. dolly gave a small bark and she started, coming back to the present. she saw through the fogged windows that grace had come into the kitchen. she was spooning coffee grounds into the moka pot. meg walked towards the back door, taking her wellies off at the entrance and walking into the kitchen.

“morning sissy,” grace said without turning around. “sleep well?”

she was fiddling with the hob, trying to light one of the burners. meg studied her from behind. she was wearing a short white nightgown with a lace trim. her feet and shoulders were bare. she had the same build as meg — tall and slim, with freckled arms. her loose curls fell unbridled down her back. meg already knew she was going to ask her to braid it before the pub. she felt a dull throb start to pound in her skull and she raised two fingers to her forehead, massaging the space in between her eyebrows. grace turned towards her as the burner finally caught. she narrowed her eyes.

“hello? anyone there?” she mimed knocking.

“yeah, i did,” lied meg.

“what?” said grace, grabbing two mugs from the cupboard.

“i slept well,” said meg. “you asked if i slept well.”

“so why do you look like actual shit then,” said grace as she poured the hot coffee into two mugs. she looked meg up and down, took in the bloodstain on the hem of meg’s nightgown, the dried mud on her legs. she raised her eyebrows. “oh, i slept terribly, thanks for asking,” she said. she stifled a yawn. “don’t know how i’m going to hack it today.”

“i didn’t say yes to coffee,” said meg.

“i didn’t ask, idiot,” replied grace. “this is for mum,” she said as she took both mugs and left the kitchen. “oh, also, i need you to braid my hair?” she called. meg could hear the squeak of the stairs as she walked up to their parents’ room.

“what are you supposed to say?” meg yelled.

“pretty please!” sang grace. she heard a door slam shut.

meg walked over to the hob. “fucking skank bitch,” she whispered. she turned the hob back on and refilled the pot, wrapping her arms tightly around her body as it started to heat up slowly.

when it was ready, she poured her cup of coffee and took it up to grace’s room. it was opposite their parents’, on the other side of the house to meg’s. she liked it that way. she walked in to see grace already at her desk, applying a serum to her face.

“can you just do one today?” she asked, frowning at something in the mirror. she opened the top drawer and rooted around. “shit, i can’t find my fucking tweezers,” she complained. “do you have them?” she asked.

meg sighed and placed her coffee on grace’s chest of drawers. she walked over to her desk and plucked the tweezers from the cup that held her makeup brushes. she held them out. grace grabbed them from her.

“i knew you’d moved them,” she said. meg rolled her eyes. grace started to pluck her eyebrows. “my hairbrush is on the chest of drawers, meggie,” she said. “just one, remember?”

meg nodded and walked over to the chest of drawers. she took a sip from her cup of coffee as she surveyed the top of her chest of drawers. grace’s hairbrush was on there, along with scattered hair ties and a piece of white ribbon. she’d clearly been arranging flowers from the garden; she’d cut the stems off of a bunch of daffodils with a pair of long silver shearing scissors and they were in a tall, clear vase. she hadn’t thrown the trimmed stalks away yet and they sat there, limp and fleshy, water from their veins seeping into the white wood of the chest of drawers. meg closed her eyes. she inhaled, smelling the freshly ground coffee and the sweet daffodils. she exhaled slowly.

“…so i think i’m going to do the white one with the blue jeans, and then i’ll bring a jumper in case i get cold,” grace was saying as she rifled through her wardrobe. meg put her coffee down on the chest of drawers. grace threw the outfit on her bed and sat back down on her chair. “i’m ready,” she announced, running her fingers through her hair. “i washed it a couple of days ago so it should be easy,” she said.

meg walked over to her. she saw the gentle swirl in the crown of grace’s head. she could smell her conditioner; a fruity one. she saw her hair products out of the corner of her eye, lined up on her desk. hair oil, hair repair treatment, hair mousse, hair conditioner, hair cream. she gathered grace’s hair in her left hand. it was dense and smooth. it was more familiar than anything she knew.

what’s yours is mine and what’s mine is yours, she thought, and she lifted the scissors and cut.

i had a slow morning, made a pistachio latte, and lit this candelabra that lore sent me.

how gorgeous? they created it in collaboration with the ceramic artist christian moses, and it’s sculpted from 40 clay pieces, shaped and painted by hand. the candles that come with it are in their lovely but a little twisted scent, which has notes of rose milk, amber resin, candied pistachio, and patchouli. snow storms are for little luxuries.

it’s likely that you didn’t notice my absence, in which case, i’m here to tell you — i hopped off of my regularly scheduled substack programming (i’ve been shooting for one long-form article a week) for the past couple of weeks due to my modelling schedule picking up. how blessed am i? but also how guilty am i? very.

if you want to know what i’ve been up to, i keep my instagram and my tiktok as up to date as i possibly can, so follow me on there if you’re interested (but no pressure of course). i got my hair done in what might be my favourite style so far, and my campaign with glow recipe for their new toner pads just launched. i’m on their website! i finished wuthering heights and i just started a very cute, wholesome book about witches in britain. i think i’ll tackle alchemised next. i’ve been practicing my makeup transitions and sharing more full glam looks, and balancing modelling and working out and hanging with my friends and vlogging my days and chatting to you all. it’s been a dream and i am so grateful that this is my life. <3

enough about what i’ve been up to. today, i want to share what’s on my wishlist, because it has been growing a lot recently, and there are some nuggets on there. i’m not a very impulsive shopper — when i decide that i want something, i’ll add it to my wishlist in my notes app, and it will usually sit there for a number of months until i either pull the trigger or decide it’s no longer relevant to my life. so, enter what’s caught my eye recently.

handmade bag bowl

i’m currently using an old plant pot as my bag bowl. by my bag bowl, i mean this is a bowl that contains everything i’d need before running out the door — my wallet, keys, hand sanitiser, tissues, a portable charger, travel perfume, lip balm, a tampon, some cash, etc.

if you don’t have a bag bowl yet, i highly recommend.

i need a bigger bowl, and i want to find the perfect handmade ceramic bowl. the contents aren’t cute — but the bowl could be.

hommey bedsheets

i love comfortable bedding. i love comfortable, cute bedding even more. since we spend almost half of our lives in bed, it makes sense to invest in bedding that brings joy. right?

there’s nothing wrong with what i have right now, but i love these linen hommey bedsheets for spring. the butter yellow with the blue piping? ugh. adorable! while linen can be a pain to deal with and doesn’t always look pretty, it feels nice and cooling to sleep on.

salomon trainers

i’ve been walking a lot recently (like 5 miles a day) and my trusty hokas are not looking as pretty as they used to. i was convinced that a quick wash in the washing machine would pop them back to normal, but unfortunately that was not the case.

soon, i’ll be forced to get a new pair of trainers, and i have my eye on the black salomon xt-6s — my friend issy wore these a few times when she visited nyc and they looked so cute with an everyday outfit for running around the city, as well as with athleisure for walking around. let me know if you like these if you have them, or any other walking shoes you recommend!

chanel glasses

a fun fact about me is that my eyesight is terrible. i wear contact lenses every day and i have a pair of warby parker glasses that are probably seven years old. they’re not that cute and i don’t even wear them often because they’re not that cute.

enter — vintage designer glasses. how cute would it be to have a nice pair of chanel oversized glasses? i think it would help me to wear my glasses more. and then, maybe my eyesight would improve. look at me justifying this unnecessary purchase. oops!

this skirt

no explanation needed.

camcorder

one of the best parts of starting social media has been documenting my life. i love capturing my days on video. there’s something about an old camcorder that just feels so fun. i want to shoot videos while i’m travelling, or bts of a shoot, or just bring it around for a full day so i can still film without having to bring the iphone.

vintage activewear

this is 100% a trending item on my wishlist, and i’m not a huge trend girl, but i think it is one of the cuter trends on the internet. i just decluttered my adidas capris last year (why!!!!), and i spent hours scouring depop and ebay for a pair of similar ones that wouldn’t cost an arm and a leg. i couldn’t find any, so i caved and bought these from other normal that i kept seeing everywhere. i love them! but still on the hunt for some actual vintage athleisure.

let me know what’s on your wishlist in the comments!

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charlie beads

charlie beads is the cool girl go-to brand for comfy, breathable basics. made in los angeles with deadstock fabric, you’ll find the fabric composition is what a girl dreams of in this polyester era — 100% cotton and 100% silk pieces in laid-back, casual silhouettes.

there’s care in the cut and materials, and the result is distinctly la in the very best way — a look that makes you say “how does a white tank top and shorts look that good?”

verconiik

if charlie beads leans more minimalist in design and palette, verconiik is her eccentric older sister. and while charlie beads exudes la, verconiik feels more like bushwick energy. while there are more masculine, relaxed silhouettes, the pastel colour palette gives it a distinctively feminine energy, that shows you can still feel womanly in a literal rugby shirt.

some of my favourite pieces include this knit balaclava and their lacey hoodie in storm. perhaps i should tie an old shoelace at the bottom of my trackies to get this effect? i love the shape that it makes.

hand over

hand over makes clothing inspired by the idea of stealing them from your ex-boyfriend. made in madrid, this brand sprung to popularity via social media and has since expanded into dresses, skirts, and halter tops — which none of my ex-boyfriends own — but i suppose there are only so many articles of clothing that men actually wear.

categorised by a distinctive sheer, sequined fabric and a hand-stitched label on the waist band, while they’re often styled in an urban cityscape, these are the kind of bold, statement pieces that i want to wear to a fun dinner somewhere tropical.

susmie’s

another spanish brand that has grown exponentially is susmie’s collection. think of this as somewhere in between charlie beads and verconiik — the spanish cool girl who isn’t afraid to wear plaid and play with shapes, but still leans towards comfortable and cool basics most days. i’m particularly drawn to their jewellery collection, which boasts bold, organic shapes and resin ‘gems’.

my one critique of susmie’s is that i don’t feel a sense of brand continuity through their collections, which i think is a natural consequence of rising to popularity through social media — you push out collections more regularly than you would’ve otherwise, and design with virality and pinterest in mind, as opposed to thinking about the essence of the susmie’s girl. for example, this dress feels like it could be from a different brand entirely to this playful t-shirt, which feels wholly distinct from this top. that is not to say, however, that brands are not allowed to evolve and change over time — so i’m including it in good faith and hope that we see a more distinct and cohesive brand identity in the coming years.

meotine

i don’t gatekeep anything, but if there was one brand on this list that i was hesitant to share, it’s this one. born in copenhagen in 2014, meotine is a brand that focuses on coats and outerwear — and boy do they do it well.

this is built with the scandinavian cool girl in mind — clean silhouettes, earthy tones, and classic shapes. it feels modern and elevated while still being something that you will own for many seasons, much like charlotte simone.

however, i do try to shop vintage and secondhand for my fur coats as these are the highest quality and warmest with the most minimal impact (and the best price!), so if you’re in a similar boat and just looking for inspiration, their faux fur collection demonstrates the most gorgeous mix of short and long coats. i wouldn’t recommend spending this much on faux fur.

mode mischief

if you want to know what is going to be cool this coming summer, look no further than the aussie brands. since they’re a full two seasons ahead of us, and incredibly stylish, you can often sniff out summer trends in america/europe ahead of time.

mode mischief is a brand that is really starting to explode in popularity, and rightfully so — it feels fresh and girly and cool. i love their most recent seaside-inspired collection, and promise you that you will be seeing this top everywhere soon, if you’re not already.

lexxola

lexxola is a glasses brand, and they are very good at what they do. mixing modern design with vintage inspiration, their glasses are bold, thoughtful, and very cool. they just dropped a collaboration with frankie’s bikinis, which feels very on brand.

their sunglasses have gone viral many times, and their jet-setter sunglasses case was a stroke of genius. they regularly run sales on various styles, so keep an eye out if you want a pair but don’t want to pay full price.

are you interested in part two? i have plenty more where this came from… let me know in the comments! <3 xx

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in the winter i always find myself operating from a place of lack, which causes me to get stuck in negative thinking patterns. i’m not warm enough. it’s so dark. i’m so pale. i can’t find my creative spark. i don’t see my friends enough. i’m not feeling inspired. my life doesn’t look like the lives i see on social media. why am i not living in sydney? i’m cold the whole damn time!!!!!

but in reality, there is much to be grateful for, even in these cold winter months. how blessed am i to have a roof over my head, food in my fridge, heating that works? how blessed am i that i have friends i can hang out with, family that i can call? how blessed am i that i get to experience all the seasons of life, that the coldness of winter will make me appreciate the buds of spring and the warmth of summer.

recently, when i’ve been feeling negative, i force myself to say out loud everything that i am grateful for until i can literally feel my mindset shift. it feels incredibly powerful, and i recommend trying it if you’re feeling similar.

2. drink warm beverages

i’ve been having so much fun trying new hot drinks, especially coffees. some of my recent favourites from my local coffee shops:

• orange mocha almond latte

• cayenne & raspberry oat latte

• tiramisu latte

• ginger latte

• salted caramel latte

• black forest latte

at home, i’ve been loving the nespresso sweet vanilla pods and i just tried a pack of the gingerbread ones. the flavour is subtle, but delicious! and i love adding the kimlyparc sweet potato latte mix to my morning coffee. it’s sweet, earthy, and just wouldn’t hit the same in the warmer months.

for non-caffeinated beverages, i believe you all know by now just how much i love my evening turmeric latte. i blend the mix with warm almond milk and froth it up — it’s a delicious, warm, anti-inflammatory end to my evening.

also, i recently asked in my subscriber chat for your favourite teas — here are some of your suggestions. i’m going to be trying some, and i recommend you do too!

• vana: hibiscus tea

• erin: spearmint — hormone balancing and tastes good with or without sweetener

• belle: keemun black tea properly brewed with slices of juicy canned peaches

• alexis: raspberry leaf

• lucia: green tea, peach detox, honey lavender stress relief, and rose black tea from yogi

• rachel: white tea

• jolie: loose leaf tea from the tea and spice exchange

• the femme files: the love tea by pukka

• feminine études: loose leaf earl grey infused with lavender

• maris: genmaicha green tea

• ad: the teapigs liquorice and peppermint

• alicia: violet black tea and mint green tea

• andrea: egyptian dreams from happy lucky teahouse

• amaris: vanilla rooibos

• s. itse: chocolate rooibos

• elizabeth: mulberry matcha

3. sleep early and rise early

unfortunately, the idea that morning sunlight makes a positive difference to your mental health is both a) rooted in science and b) true. i say unfortunately because the last thing i want to do in the winter is go outside at the crack of dawn.

but i’ve been working out in the mornings recently, and i’ve seen a noticeable difference in my mental health when i get it done early vs in the evening. i feel energised and accomplished before i’ve eaten lunch. plus, getting up early means you get bragging rights for waking up early.

also, i think there is something in my brain that signals it is dinner time when it’s dark outside. so eating dinner at 6pm is perfectly justified when i have plans to be in bed at 9pm. cozy comfy perfect!

4. set strict boundaries with screen time

i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again — the best thing you can do for yourself is to not touch your phone in the first hour of your day. if you want to take it a step further, also implement this rule in the evenings. if you don’t know what to do without your morning scroll, i’d recommend reading and/or moving through your morning/night routines. if you need inspo, check out my tips.

also, this might sound silly, but i think scheduling doomscrolling sessions is a good idea if you keep catching yourself doomscrolling. i try to keep my doomscrolling to when i’m walking on the treadmill. it feels like the negative and positive actions cancel each other out and i am net neutral. highly recommend.

and if you just can’t seem to break up with your phone no matter what kind of boundaries you implement — this piece might help.

5. lots of movement, especially heated workouts & walking outside

i started 75 medium on january first for multiple reasons, but mainly because i knew if i didn’t give myself some kind of challenge and structure i wouldn’t move or exercise enough.

heated workouts are full of pros for me — they’re basically a free sauna session, give me a sweaty workout, and loosen up my muscles. i try to do hot yoga every monday and hot sculpt every thursday.

even on hard days, when there’s absolutely zero motivation to do anything, i try to at least walk. most of the time the hardest part of the workout is actually showing up.

6. clean your space

a clear space is a clear mind.

7. read books you enjoy

winter is the best time to cozy up with a good book. i don’t think there’s anything wrong with using reading as a mini form of escapism, as long as it isn’t a means to run from all of your problems. we’ve all been there.

in the winter i am more drawn to books that make me feel warm and fuzzy inside, that draw me away from the monotony of everyday life. my go-to genres are not fantasy, sci-fi, or romance, yet i find myself reaching for these titles again and again in the winter.

i’m currently reading: wuthering heights by emily brontë, in the likely event by rebecca yarros, and the 7 habits of highly effective people by stephen r. covey (i have to venture into non-fiction for my 75 hard challenge).

if you’re also reading wuthering heights, join my book club! we’ll discuss the book on february 22nd and i’m so so excited. all the deets are in my subscriber chat :)

8. pay attention to your cycle

i’ve always been someone with quite an irregular cycle, and as a result, i’ve spent many years paying it little attention. i was always jealous of the woman who could know with a certainty from their moods, emotions, and physical symptoms just what time of the month it was for them.

it’s only been in the last few months that i have really discovered just how much each week of my cycle affects me differently, and i’ve been very tuned in. while there’s no quick fix, sometimes it just is helpful to know — hey, i’m feeling a little irritable and down today because of my hormones, and that’s probably all it is. it allows me to remove a sense of personal responsibility for my emotions, and just let them be without controlling me.

9. be spontaneous with plans with friends

spontaneity is a luxury that is often afforded to warm weather, but i challenge you to keep it alive even in the cold. i find that in the winter i am a) making fewer plans to see my friends and b) doing so far in advance. i can’t quite emphasise the importance of friendship in these times — especially if you’re in some kind of a slump — and approaching your social life with a little bit of flexibility is a good way to make social events low-pressure and fun.

do something cozy and low-stakes — go to a pottery painting class, cook homemade pasta at home, eat a traditional japanese breakfast, or just meet up with your friend for an overpriced coffee. or do something fun that you wouldn’t normally do — go get drinks on a wednesday night simply because you can.

don’t forget to go dancing. if i was a doctor i would prescribe dancing often.

10. have something to look forward to

i find having something to look forward to, like a trip, or a long-term goal, like running a marathon, quite interchangeable in the way that they are both powerfully able to affect your current mood.

they’re effective at pulling you out of a slump because they allow you to shift your mind into the future — hey, it’s okay that it’s a little cold and dark all the time now because there is a future version of me that is in barbados sipping pornstar martinis and reading an emily henry book and that’s pretty great.

equally, when you have a long-term goal, like running a marathon, there is this idea of working hard now for a worthy achievement later. it’s the process of delayed gratification.

i realised recently that i don’t have either of these — i travel a lot last-minute for modelling work and there’s nothing in my calendar coming up soon, and i don’t have a marathon on the cards. so, i decided that i’m going to go with my father to jazz fest in new orleans this year — he’s a regular — and all of a sudden i’m excited in the present for something that is yet to happen. how crazy!

our brains are bad at distinguishing between something that is happening currently and something that is yet to happen, so if you’re thinking positively about a future event a lot, you’re more likely to feel positive about your current situation. it’s a fun psychological trick.

do you have any tried-and-true methods of getting out of a slump? let me know in the comments! <3

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perhaps that makes me a bad influencer — and i should instead be convincing you to buy more more more. but that’s just not my speed!

i like to approach my recommendations with the mindset that since i have tried so much stuff through gifting and pr and my own coin, i have some kind of experience in sorting through the noise. i don’t want to encourage overconsumption (i get very overwhelmed by having too much stuff and end up giving most of it away), so i leave this article with you as less of a shopping to-do list and more of a non-exhaustive list of suggestions to refer back to in case you’re ever wondering what blushes out there actually last all day.

despite receiving a ton of products, i do have a number of select favourites that i find myself reaching for time and time again. i rave about them on my tiktok and instagram all the time, and to my friends and family regularly. i’m reaching for formulas that truly last all day, are relatively easy to apply, and get me the most compliments. duh.

and i’m no gatekeeper, so here they are!

this post contains affiliate links and mentions products that have been gifted or received as pr for brands. all opinions are 100% my own.

here’s a link to my everyday makeup faves, as well as my full glam must-haves. you can find my full sephora storefront here!

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prep

on days when i don’t have much time or my skin is feeling a little bit irritated, i find the eadem mami water ultra-calming rescue mist is a simple, quick refresh that hydrates and calms the skin.

if your skin likes it, the rhode glazing milk is truly worth the hype. it’s a thick milky toner that provides a gorgeous, natural, luminous base to any makeup look. my skin doesn’t love it, so i often reach for the ilia base face milk, which is a slightly lighter milky toner that offers a similar finish.

on that wave, i’ve also had no issues with the rhode barrier butter sitting well under makeup, which is an issue i struggle with in the wintertime with most thick moisturisers.

if you’re looking for a glowy finish, i highly recommend the saie glowy super gel. i find that most illuminators on the market highlight texture on the skin or leave an almost glitter-like finish, but this one provides a gorgeous ‘lit-from-within’ glow.

if you like a tacky primer to make your makeup last all day, the milk hydrogrip is a safe bet, and i find myself reaching for refy’s glow and sculpt primer a lot — the applicator is fun to use and it has a nice grip to it once it dries down.

if you are oily or prefer a more matte finish, the patented upsalite technology that soaks up excess oil in danessa myricks’ yummy skin blurring balm powder is genuinely like witchcraft. i am not even joking.

skin tints / foundation

my most-complimented skin tint is the ilia skin tint, which is a thin, serum-like consistency. its ingredients — niacinamide, squalane, hyaluronic acid, and spf 40 — make it feel more like skincare than a skin tint, and the finish is radiant and skin-like. if you lean oily, i might skip this one.

the hourglass veil hydrating skin tint is a great alternative if you’re looking for a hydrating skin tint that has a slightly thicker finish. i find this works well for both everyday makeup looks and more full glam too.

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if the phone is the problem, then perhaps getting rid of the phone is the solution. i’ve seen many apps that work to help you reduce your screen time (opal, screen zen, one sec, forest, focus friend). i worked in the marketing team for one that marries reduced screentime with increased physical activity for a full year. i’ve seen a rise in dumb phones. these are phones that have minimal stimulation, minimal function, and minimal design. i’m not denying that these are good ideas for people who are focused on using their phones less — our phones are still an inextricable part of our lives, for better or for worse, so to remove them completely is difficult in a modern setting. turns out it is still useful as a tool to actually phone people, to get directions, to maybe even check the weather every now and again.

but no one seems willing to fully accept the fact that they are the problem. let me rephrase. you are the problem.

yes, these companies (like meta) have created targeted, precise algorithms that work to rewire your brain to click into instagram reels when you’re half asleep at 6:30am. and they are partially responsible for the habits that you have created around your phone, sure.

but once again — your phone is nothing more than a tool. and beyond a physical tool — a tool used to call people, to get directions, to check the weather — it is an emotional tool.

it’s a tool used to avoid negative emotions more than it is a carefully laid trap used to produce positive emotion.

most of the time, when you pick up your phone without any kind of conscious awareness, it is because you are in a state of discomfort. whether it’s boredom, hunger, awkwardness, insecurity. when you’re at a party and you’ve arrived late and you don’t know anyone and you’re standing in the corner alone, you don’t pick up your phone and check the weather app because you’re addicted to checking the weather. you do it because looking at your phone is easier than facing the fact that you’re alone, uncomfortable, and awkward. looking at your phone and pretending that you’re texting someone is easier than walking up to someone in the middle of a conversation and introducing yourself.

when you’re waiting alone at the bus stop for ten minutes and it’s drizzling and chilly, you open instagram not because you need that quick dopamine rush, but because it is quite simply really boring to sit at the bus stop and stare at nothing.

when you wake up in the morning and check your phone first thing, you don’t really want to see that cute cat video — you just would rather watch that than face the fact that you have to go into work again in an hour, and do all of your daily tasks, and face your horrible boss, and get vegetables for dinner, and probably go to the dry cleaners too, and you should probably also call back your mother.

if our minds were solely governed by these habit-forming apps — if it was completely out of our control — then it would be quite literally impossible to put our phones down.

but we’ve all had those times when our phone just seems to vanish from our mind for a few hours. have you ever been at happy hour with your friends, gossiping over spicy margaritas, and realised you haven’t checked your phone in over an hour?

and once again, i am not denying that there are habits that govern our relationship with our phones. at happy hour with your friends you might reach for your phone out of habit, but then quickly put it away. or it might buzz in your pocket and you pull it out and check a text while in the middle of a conversation before even realising that you just pulled your phone out in the middle of a conversation. the point is — if you’re having a really good time, if you’re comfortable and engaged and happy, you are not doomscrolling on tiktok.

the problem is — many of us are not very good at sitting in negative emotions. if you really want to break up with your phone, if you really want to reduce your screen time, you have to lean into the discomfort.

first, you have to be honest with yourself. why do you pick up your phone, outside of habit? maybe you set your phone background as a quote that says “why did i really just pick up my phone?” and you keep a little running list, e.g. i’m bored waiting for the train, or i don’t really know, or i need directions to the restaurant.

you’ll realise that a lot of the time there isn’t a real reason. and these are the moments where you need to catch yourself and identify the negative emotion that you are sitting in. perhaps you reframe it, and even try to lean into it. okay, you’re alone at a party and you feel awkward. but now, you have an opportunity to meet new people. you say you want to get out there more — now is your chance!

only you know how you work best, so take this idea, and make it your own. some people may respond best to gamifying the whole experience — e.g. how many times this week can i resist the urge to scroll. others might respond better to documentation — e.g. keeping a diary of their progress. some need accountability. what do you need? reflect, and use it to your advantage.

the reality is that we all know people who are very good at not being on their phones. they either 1) have a very full life outside of their phones or 2) are content with being constantly under-stimulated or 3) they never really learned how to be in a constant state of overstimulation, so they don’t feel like they’re missing anything.

chances are, these people are good at being bored. they’re good at doing nothing. they can entertain themselves with nothing more than their imagination for a twenty-minute subway ride. they are standing alone at the party and they think: well, i don’t really want to be standing alone right now, so maybe i should go up to these people and introduce myself.

if you don’t want to be addicted to your phone, you have to be happier with real life. this isn’t always easy. this means confronting the parts of your life and yourself that you hate.

but it is so worth it. why? because you will regain your attention span. you will learn to be bored. you will start to have better ideas. you will gain control over your life. you will be more in touch with your emotions. you will develop hobbies and interests. you will grow as a person, because you will not run away from the uncomfortable small stuff, which means you’ll be better suited to handle the uncomfortable big stuff. you’ll have random conversations that make your day. you’ll realise that being bored, or feeling awkward, or on edge is just part of the human experience.

i’m not denying that it can be useful to use some practical tools to break the habits that we have formed with our phones. so that being said, here are ten practical ways that you can work to reduce your screen time and be on your phone less. but don’t forget — unless you get comfortable with being uncomfortable, none of this will work.

ten science-backed screen-time reduction strategies

1. add friction to your scrolling experience

behavioural science shows even small obstacles dramatically reduce habit behaviours. log out of apps, remove them from your home screen, or use app limits with passcodes that only your best friend knows. the pause is often enough to stop the autopilot use.

2. replace, don’t just remove

decide in advance what you’ll do instead of scrolling after work — walk outside, stretch, journal, read 10 pages, work on your embroidery. having a default replacement increases follow-through.

3. create phone-free ‘anchors’ in your day

habit stacking leverages existing routines. implement rules like no phone during the first and last hours of your day. these anchors become automatic boundaries.

4. turn your screen grayscale

switching to grayscale reduces the reward value of apps, making them feel boring faster. studies show it lowers compulsive checking, as colour drives dopamine release and attention.

5. use time-based rules, not willpower

decision fatigue fuels overuse. set rules like ‘no social media on my lunch breaks’, or ‘screens off after 9pm.’ fewer decisions will lead to better adherence.

6. charge your phone outside the bedroom

environmental design beats self-control — physical distance reduces nighttime scrolling, which can be a killer.

7. redefine ‘productive’ screen use

separate intentional use (work, learning, creation, directions) from passive consumption. don’t cheat yourself! chances are, that tiktok scroll is not giving you ‘inspo’.

8. delay, don’t deny

tell yourself “i can check in two minutes.” set a timer. most urges pass before the timer ends.

9. use open-loop awareness

keep a note titled “things i want to look up later”. add to it instead of immediately opening your phone.

10. change notification timing

batch your notifications to arrive at set times (it’s the scheduled summary feature for iphones). interruption timing affects habit formation.

what have i missed? what are your favourite screen-time reduction strategies? let me know in the comments! <3

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hence my tbr list for this month is filled with recommendations mainly from my family. i’m feeling generous, and i’m giving them the satisfaction of reading their suggestions.

my father was just awakened from his reading slump (my words, not his) by octavia butler, which is fair enough. if anyone can do it, it would be her. it’s not like i told him to read parable of the sower four years ago. whatever!

i often take his copies of books he’s attempted to read/read back with me to new york, which is how i ended up reading butter by asako yuzuki, and in hindsight, i respect his decision to not finish it.

my mother and i read a lot of the same books — we share a kindle account — but occasionally i’ll read a physical copy of a book that she doesn’t have, and vice versa. we have similar taste for the kind of books we read day-to-day, so it works well.

i like the physical books i own to be a reflection of the best books that i read — i don’t feel the need to own every book i read in a physical format. my mother also has a kindle unlimited account (you can download up to 10 kindle unlimited books at once for $11.99 a month), so at any one point in time our kindle libraries make us look like we are the world’s biggest fans of poorly written thrillers.

i love my brother, but he exclusively reads books about soviet russia and maritime wars and awful men in history. so no suggestions from him.

lastly, i got sent some books in pr over the holidays, which is a dream come true.

outline by rachel cusk

i’m about 50 pages into this one, but put it on the back burner because my book club book (atmosphere by taylor jenkins reid) needed to take priority. i love rachel cusk’s writing — i don’t think i’m alone in that sentiment — and this is the first in her very popular outline trilogy, so i’m excited! i spotted it on a bookshelf while at a friend’s for dinner, so i have the familiar pressure of wanting to finish it in the next couple of weeks so i can give it back before i forget and accidentally steal it.

fledgling by octavia e. butler

guess who recommended this one to me? yeah, you guessed correctly. if my father is reading books about genetically modified vampire children and raving about it, i need to see what it’s all about.

kindred by octavia e. butler

i told you she got him out of a slump! this also came back with me from london. what i love about octavia butler’s books is they are so deeply referential and nuanced, while at the same time able to contain an almost otherworldly element of science fiction and imagination.

fun fact: i was with my father the day after he bought this book, and almost half the pages were missing. he’d turn one page and it would be blank, and he’d turn another and it would continue on like nothing had happened. he wasn’t sure if it was some stylistic choice. i thought it was hilarious. needless to say, he exchanged it for another copy.

meditations for mortals by oliver burkeman

i’m currently doing a version of 75 hard, which essentially means i am exercising a lot, drinking a lot of water, and reading 10 pages of a non-fiction book a day. as an avid fiction reader — i read probably one non-fiction book for every 100 fiction books — that’s been an adjustment. i’m currently reading the subtle art of not giving a f*ck by mark manson and i am surprisingly loving it. i’m finding it both practically useful and a good read. once i finish that book, this one will replace it. this is a recommendation from my mother — she loved it so much that she ordered me the physical book — so i’m expecting good things. if it doesn’t change my life in four weeks i’m gonna be annoyed. love you mummy!

wuthering heights by emily brontë

i’m starting a book club, this is our first book, and you’re invited!!!!!!!

i proposed in a note a few weeks ago that we should all read wuthering heights at the same time and when the film comes out on february 14th (valentines day) we can watch it and discuss both and you guys absolutely loved that idea. so — let’s do it!

i’ll start a thread in the beauty & brains chat for us to discuss everything to do with wuthering heights. this is my first ever online book club, so please hit me with all and any suggestions & feedback :)

as long as we finish it by mid-feb, we should be good. i have a feeling this one is going to be sooo fun!

one golden summer by carley fortune

when someone is particularly passionate about an author, my ears prick up. i can’t remember who exactly was raving about carley fortune, but they loved her enough that i added almost every one of her books to my want to read. and when penguin random house reached out with a list of books to choose from and i saw this on there, i thought — what better time?

this is the kind of book that i want to read because i want to be a part of something and i don’t think it will be a bad read (kind of like why i read emily henry), but romance isn’t really my speed. i’ve been won over before though, so let’s see…

alchemised by senlinyu

this book has been all over my social media feeds and was also included in penguin random house’s list of books to pick from, so it was a no brainer. is it weird to say that i’m already nervous to finish this book because i’m anticipating loving it?

i am really craving a book that feels like an escape to another world, and from everything i’ve heard about this book, that’s exactly what it will be. i’m trying to replace the fantasy-shaped hole in my heart that the throne of glass series left. i don’t expect to finish this in january, or even february, given that it’s over 1000 pages and i have a life, but stranger things have happened.

what are you reading this january? and will you be joining me with wuthering heights? let me know in the comments!

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p.s. — as per usual, i’ll be tracking everything over on my goodreads :)

p.p.s. — no spoilers! :)

lighting homemade candles

the first step in my evening wind-down routine is to get rid of all overhead lights. i have a mixture of tapered candles, container candles, tealights, himalayan salt lamps, sunset lamps, and regular lamps. you won’t catch me dead in the cold, hard beam of my overhead light.

if you want to make your own candles or repurpose old jars but are intimidated by the thought — let this be your sign to give it a go. it’s actually really simple!

about six months ago, i ordered a starter kit and refilled all of my old pots with soy wax and fresh wicks. since then, i’ve been tweaking the recipe to find a fragrance oil combination that i love. ‘fresh cotton’ has been a staple as it’s clean and crisp, but in my most recent batch i was craving something more autumnal and comforting, so i mixed ‘fresh cotton’ with ‘autumn wreath’. the result: every evening when i light all of my candles my room smells like warm freshly-washed sheets and cinnamon rolls. it is perfect. i’m taking fragrance oil combinations for my next batch in the comments! what kind of scents scream january? i honestly don’t know…

a luxurious shower routine

i’m a sucker for a hot, long, luxurious shower.

i must admit, most of the steps in my shower routine were gifted to me in pr. i don’t think that much of my evening routine would exist without gifting. for me, this is one of the best perks of being an ‘influencer’. and i think it works out well for my audience too — i get to try out a bunch of stuff and tell you what’s worth spending your hard-earned money on. it’s a win-win situation, in my eyes. i live in perpetual fear that i will give a bad recommendation and lose all credibility, so you best believe all of the products i rave about i genuinely do love.

all that being said, believe me when i tell you — not all of this is necessary. i’m all for a bar of dove soap. but if you’re in the mood to upgrade to some of the finer things, or just want to hear about some expensive body wash, keep reading.

first things first — a key part of my shower routine being deeply relaxing is no overhead lighting. in fact, i love to shower with just my bathroom nightlights plugged in, or in candlelight (unless i’m shaving my legs. learned that the hard way.)

first, i scrub my body with an african net sponge — it’s effective at exfoliating and doesn’t harbour bacteria in the same way as a loofah does. then, i go in with my saltair driftwood body wash on a sponge. the fragrance notes are bergamot, sage, and driftwood.

a note — i prefer to smell sultry over sweet. i stray away from the gourmand (think marshmallow, sweet vanilla, chocolate) and instead lean towards santal (think woody, spiced, floral, musky, but not overly masculine). my entire night routine is engineered around these scents.

once i have scrubbed and cleaned, my favourite part — the l’occitane shower oil. if you take any recommendation from this shower routine, let it be this one. it’s a gorgeously smooth, silky finish with a deep almond scent, and feels more hydrating than you’d expect. it’s the only body wash i’ve tried where the scent lingers post-shower.

once i’m out of the shower, i moisturise my whole body. i really hate moisturising my body. it feels like a waste of time (i am aware it’s not) and i feel cold and afraid the entire time. i know i’m not alone in this sentiment because i posted a tiktok about how i accidentally discovered a hack to moisturise my whole body in under two minutes with a body foundation brush and people went nuts. it’s a lethal hack but you do have to wash the brush regularly, so i don’t do it every day.

finish up with a body oil, because it’s the evening and the only thing i am doing is going to sleep, so i don’t have to worry about oil transferring to my clothes. hurrah! my favourite nighttime picks are the l’occitane almond oil spray (duhhh) or the brunel renewal oil. i bought this because it smells like every spa i’ve ever been in and i wanted to feel like i was in my own little spa. the top notes are lily of the valley and eucalyptus, the mid note is lavender, and the dry note is green cedarwood. you get it.

comfy cozy pjs

next — i change into my fave pjs.

my favourite pjs in the world are the skims soft lounge sleep set. i made a completely unsponsored video confessing that i literally wear them every single night and it went viral. i made skims a lot of money with this video. i think in the end i sold about $30,000 worth of the skims pjs. you’re welcome, skims.

that is my testament. and the fact that not one person who ordered them returned them. no one has anything bad to say, which is slightly unfortunate because part of you wants it to not be worth the money. i spend just about every night in my skims pjs. if i’m not wearing the long sleeve soft lounge sleep set, i’m wearing the short sleeve version, or if i’m wearing a lot of body oil, i’m wearing the boyfriend t-shirt and loose pant. if it’s hot outside, i’m wearing the 100% cotton sleep set, which is so good that they seem to have removed it from the website. sad.

red light mask

next up is my red light treatment. this is done on a fresh, clean face, so after i’ve washed my face in the shower and changed into my pjs, i do my red light. i use the therabody one and i love it, but it is honestly the only one i’ve tried. since being consistent with it, i’ve noticed such a difference in my dark spots and the frequency of new breakouts. it’s a cordless twelve-minute cycle of red light, infrared light, and blue light, and does a vibrating head massage at the same time. super zen.

evening beverage

if there’s one thing you should know about me, it’s that i love an evening beverage. i’m british, so it used to be tea every single night — peppermint or ginger & turmeric or chamomile or some other non-caffeinated concoction. as of this winter, i have a new favourite beverage — a hot turmeric latte. morning made sent me a pr package a few months ago and i haven’t looked back since.

i put a heaped teaspoon of the latte mix and blend it with hot vanilla almond milk. the result is a creamy, slightly spiced, slightly sweet wind-down beverage. plus, despite having a turmeric latte every night for months, i genuinely don’t feel as though i’ve made a dent in the tin. it feels like a lifetime supply and i will be repurchasing with my own money once i make it through!

if you want to try anything from there, you can shop through this link and i’ll earn a small commission. this is not sponsored at all! i really do love their products and rave about them alllll the time.

foot cream

this is where things get a little weird. and perhaps wintery. i read somewhere (aka i watched a tiktok) where someone recommended magnesium hand and foot cream as a wind-down ritual. when my friend was visiting recently, she came with some goodies and gave me this magnesium night balm from verden. it smells absolutely heavenly. i slather it on my feet about thirty minutes before i go to sleep. don’t know if it makes much of a difference to the quality of my sleep, but it makes a difference to the softness of my feet, so that much is a win for me.

supplements

as i mentioned, i have tried almost everything when it comes to sleep aids. i absolutely refuse to take sleeping pills. the one thing that has helped me a ton — the supplement that i was sure was a complete gimmick — is lemme sleep. each gummy has about 2.5mg of melatonin, which is not too strong, and it also contains 10mg of magnesium, 25mg of l-theanine, and a small herbal blend of chamomile, elderberry, and lavender. another that i love if i really want a good night’s sleep is the reset mode from timebeam beauty — this is designed to support your sleep and your skin from the inside out. it contains 128mg of magnesium, 150mg of l-theanine, and some resveratrol and cermides for your skin. it’s also fun to take — like one of those powders that you pour on your tongue, and it’s sugar-free and cherry flavoured.

books

the best part of my evening wind-down ritual. also the best part because it is free (with a library card). time to read!!!!! there is truly nothing better than a good book and i love spending my evenings screen-free (kindles don’t count, fyi). blow out all of your candles, turn off all eight of your lamps, and snuggle up with your magnesium feet and skims pjs and escape into another world before you get the best damn sleep of your life.

what are your favourite wind-down rituals?

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i’ve always been someone that a) doesn’t know what they want to do with their life and b) has a million different interests. i’d panic every time someone would ask me “what do you want to be when i grow up?” if only i knew i wanted to be a doctor! or a lawyer! or one of the other five options i understood to be available for a career as a child. that would make everything so easy, i thought. hmm.

many people are not well acquainted with the differences between the higher education system in the united kingdom versus in the united states. and why would you be? unless it is a decision you’re seriously facing yourself, there’s little reason to think about it. while this will be somewhat of a generalisation, here’s the difference between the two (and when i refer to colleges in the us i am referring to liberal arts programs):

1. in the UK you apply to study one singular subject, at a maximum of five universities. you write a personal statement about why you’d be a good candidate for that specific subject. for example, if you wanted to get a degree in maths, you’d apply for the maths programs at five different unis, and in your personal statement you’d write why you’re good at maths and why they should let you in to study maths and hope that your exam results are good enough to get a conditional offer. once you’ve got the exam results you need to attend, you stay in your lane, take your maths classes, and you get really really good at it. your end-of-year exams mean everything. you do modules, but mainly just maths. if you’re in england, you’re there for three years.

2. in the us you apply usually with a major in mind, but with the understanding that it’s not set in stone until often your sophomore (second) year of your degree. you can apply to an endless number of schools. you submit your non-academic personal statement to all of them that is about why you as a person are interesting and worthy. mine was about shoes. you’ll often also submit some kind of standardised multiple-choice test results, like the act or the sat. if they’re interested in offering you a place, you’ll receive an unconditional offer, meaning you don’t have to meet any further requirements to attend the college. once you’re there, a minimum of about 1/3 of your classes are needed to meet your major requirements. you also do classes in other areas — maybe a language, a science, or something else that piques your interest. perhaps you minor in something, or double major. perhaps you drop your minor. you’re there for four years.

again, this is a generalisation, but in my opinion, the us offers a level of flexibility that the uk does not. while i was met with a sense of existential dread at sixteen years old when thinking about what i would study at a uk uni for three years straight, i felt like my inability to commit to just one subject was a strength when i was filling out the us application process. they value multiple interests, extracurricular activities, and intellectual curiosity in the application process precisely because this is how the four-year program is structured.

all that to say, i took the liberal part of my liberal arts degree very literally. i was an economics major, and unlike most economics majors, i really enjoyed it (for the most part — f econometrics). i graduated cum laude with a gpa of 3.90/4.00, which means my gpa was in the top 15% of the class of 2024. i won’t bore you with the fine details on all of yale’s requirements, but we had to take credits in foreign languages, sciences, quantitative reasoning, humanities & arts, social sciences, and writing. i also (attempted to) balance this with a full-time career as a model. ask me about productivity. lol!

i do believe that yale made me a better person. i do believe that it allowed me to fall in love with learning just for the sake of learning. and most importantly, it made me feel like my inability to commit to just one direction was a strength.

so without further ado, i present to you — my favourite yale classes! you might sense a pattern of what i’m interested in outside of economics. let me know in the comments what piques your interest, if you have any questions, or if you want to hear more!

quantum physics and beyond

a seminar-style physics class. we covered current topics in modern physics, beginning with quantum physics and continuing through subatomic physics, special and general relativity, cosmology, astrophysics, and string theory. physics is fascinating to me. what do you mean i’m looking up at the stars and i’m looking at the literal past?

i love how new so much of the evidence is for the creation of our universe. the big bang theory was only proposed less than 100 years ago. what!?!? that’s some pretty big (ha!) stuff. it also hinges on a couple of pretty big assumptions — 1) general relativity and 2) the cosmological principle.

also, what the hell is up with shrödinger’s cat. and this whole quantum entanglement business.

i did my final presentation on the probability of the multiverse theory. spiderman style. fascinating stuff, and i’d highly recommend a youtube deep dive if you find any of it interesting.

black feminist theory

some of my favourite themes in this class included the black feminist theorisation of the constitution of subjectivity in modernity, the link between ideas and discourses of the ‘human’, the construction of raced and gendered bodies, and thinking through black feminism as a lived practice of sociopolitical engagement.

this was my first feminist theory class, and boy was it a lot to wrap my head around! but while it was very challenging, it had some of the most interesting & rewarding readings. here are a few of my faves:

• combahee river collective statement

• the invention of woman: making an african sense of western gender discourses by oyenonke oyewumi

• intersectionality’s definitional dilemmas by patricia hill collins

• toward an abolitionist drug reform by imani robinson

• rootedness: the ancestor as foundation by toni morrison

• in the wake: on blackness and being by christina sharpe

• anything by kimberlé crenshaw

• anything by angela davis

the global financial crisis

this class was focused on the causes, events, and outcomes of the 2007-2008 global financial crisis. i was particularly interested in the causes of the crisis because it has been debated in the literature. we looked at three different hypotheses for the crisis:

• hypothesis one — bad behaviour. this is otherwise known as moral hazard — essentially the theory that this crisis was caused by the behaviour of individuals/bad actors, acting in their own interests and ignoring what would happen in the rest of the world. for a better understanding of this theory, watch the wolf of wall street.

• hypothesis two — government failure. this argues that there was a large amount of irresponsible government activity in housing markets in the early 2000s; e.g. fair housing policies to expand homeownership drove a lot of the subprime lending from 2003-2007, which as we know, caused the crisis.

• hypothesis three — bubble thinking. this is the idea that there was an asset bubbl. bubble thinking refers to people looking at the housing market and thinking it will go up forever. spoiler alert — it didn’t.

these theories aren’t necessarily mutually exclusive. but if we look at the evidence to see which has the strongest case, hypothesis three wins out. i was so fascinated by the evidence for and against each theory, and the professor did a great job of teaching the course.

so — wolf of wall street? a good movie, but not the whole picture. sorry, leo.

counternarratives: black historical fictions

in this class, we did a lot of close reading of fiction — novels, novellas, poems, etc. i adore fiction. some of my favourite works were by sadiya hartman, toni morrison, nourbese phillip, and john keene.

this class was very special to me. it strengthened my interest in the archive as it relates to black history. it affirmed my belief that there is a lot we can learn about history, people, events, etc. from fiction.

we spent a lot of time in the beineke, which is yale’s rare book and manuscript library. there, we had access to original documentation. below is a ledger that was used by slaveowners to mark information about the enslaved people that they owned. to see something like this — the original version — in the flesh was a difficult and humbling experience, and i am so grateful that i had access to such sensitive documentation in the pursuit of my own education. there is so much that goes unsaid.

here’s a description of the class, as written by the professor:

while historical records have long been the source from which we draw our picture of the past, it is with literature and art that we attempt to speculatively work out that which falls between the cracks of conventional archival documentation, that which cannot be contained by historical record—emotion, gesture, the sensory, the sonic, the inner life, the afterlife, the neglected and erased. this course examines how contemporary black writers have imagined and attempted to represent black life from the late 17th to the early 20th centuries. it asks what fiction can tell us about history. reading these works as alternative archives, or "counterarchives," which index the excess and fugitive material of black histories in the Americas, we probe the uses, limits, and revelations of historical fictions, from the experimental and realist novel, to works of poetry and drama. drawing on the work of various interdisciplinary scholars, we use these historical fictions to explore and enter into urgent and ongoing conversations around black life & death, african-american history & memory, black aesthetics, and the problem of "the archive."

sickness and health in african-american history

in this class, we looked at the complex dynamics of medical abuse and medical resistance. key themes included medicine and slavery, gender and reproduction, medical experimentation and ethics, the rise of racial science, lynching and vigilante violence, segregation and public health, and health activism.

not only was the subject matter in this class taught in a careful, thorough manner, but also the projects that we did were creative and fun. for my final project, i wrote a lesson plan for a hypothetical class entitled seeking resistance through african-american art. in this, i was able to explore my own interest in art’s power to shape the knowledge we hold about events, individuals, and community.

african-american modern and contemporary art 1945-2018

if you haven’t gathered by now, i have a deep interest in african-american history and art, so this class was an absolute favourite. this class was rich and expansive. my final project was on titus kaphar and black motherhood.

if you are interested in black art but don’t know many artists, i recommend checking out the following list of my favourites and seeing if any speak to you.

• kara walker

• romare bearden

• kehinde wiley

• elizabeth catlett

• norman lewis

• alma thomas

• jacob lawrence

• betye saar

• faith ringgold

• frank bowling

• barkley l. hendricks

• louis mailou jones

• emma amos

• mickalene thomas

• beauford delaney

• horace pippin

• john akomfrah

• lynette yiadom-boakye

thank you for letting me reminisce in this post. my time at yale was a very special chapter in my life. it was hard at times — many times — but i wouldn’t change it for the world. <3

personally? i’m not interested in creating the perfect morning routine. i’m interested in treating the start of the day as something that actually matters — not because it makes you more productive (although that is always a lovely bonus) but because it’s often the only part of the day that belongs entirely to you.

for much of my life, the morning felt like something i needed to get through. i have never been a ‘morning person’ — not because i hated the fundamental concept of what the mornings entail, but because i was consistently exhausted. growing up, i struggled with insomnia. my days often began already depleted, slow, and sluggish. i found myself trying to catch up with the day before it had even started.

what eventually changed my relationship with mornings had very little to do with the time i started waking up or the actions i took once i was awake. actually — it started with the night before.

i focused on curing my insomnia and getting better, more restful sleep, and inadvertently created a better space to enjoy my mornings. it taught me something simple but fundamental: a good morning doesn’t begin when your eyes open. it begins with how you treat yourself the evening prior.

i feel like i’m in a great spot with my night routine. it looks something like this: big lights go off, candles and lamps go on, screens go away, skincare goes on, red light mask goes on, my sleep supplement goes down, and i read however much of my book is necessary before i start to feel sleepy.

my mornings are approached with the same level of intentional gentleness. if there’s one small habit that has made the biggest difference, it’s keeping my phone out of the first hour of the day. the moment you open social media, you’re pulled out of your own body and dropped into someone else’s life. i find it nearly impossible to return to a calm, intentional state once i’ve started scrolling, no matter how hard i try. it isn’t easy — and i don’t always succeed — but the contrast is undeniable.

so, i always begin my day in the same way i ended it — by reading. this is a non-negotiable for me. it lets me enter the day slowly. i love to live in another world before stepping fully into my own.

then i’ll get up, brush my teeth, splash my face with some water, and make my bed. i’ll put on an eye mask and head downstairs to make breakfast and coffee. recently, i’ve been loving adding morning made’s chai latte mix to my espresso to create a dirty chai, or even — hear me out — kimly parc’s sweet potato latte mix. it’s earthy, comforting, rich, and pairs perfectly with vanilla almond milk with a ton of cinnamon.

breakfast is quick and uncomplicated — a smoothie, yogurt & fruit, overnight oats, chicken sausage and some eggs if i’m in a savoury mood. recently, i’ve been making stewed apples/pears and adding them as a topping to my oats or yogurt. once i’m done, my eye patches have dried, and i do my skincare. it’s my favourite ritual of the morning.

only after that do i sit at my desk and plan the day. i look at my google calendar, which holds my non-negotiable commitments, and my notion to-do list, and write a chronological checklist for how i want my day to go. this is the moment the day becomes structured. this is also the moment i check my phone.

this routine didn’t come together instantly. creating a consistent morning practice was one of my personal development goals this year, and it required trial and error. i’ve always enjoyed watching morning routines online, but i also wanted to understand why certain habits actually work. once i realized i needed to approach my mornings with the same intention i brought to my evenings, things started to fall into place.

the biggest pattern i noticed across books, podcasts, and anecdotes was consistent: people who feel most grounded in the morning protect some form of solitude. mindfulness, journalling, stretching, meditation — the specifics vary, but the principle is the same. reflection before reaction.

that said, i don’t follow my routine perfectly. travel disrupts it. late nights disrupt it. days without structure make it harder. when that happens, i try to remind myself that this routine isn’t a punishment, or a rigid checklist designed to extract productivity. it’s a set of rituals that make my body and mind feel better. the purpose isn’t always obvious at 8am, but by 11am, it usually starts to get a little clearer.

i think i’d call myself a morning person now. i used to believe the solitude of the evening was superior — quieter, more reflective, more peaceful. but mornings offer something evenings don’t: agency. nothing has happened yet. the day is still yours.

i love that years become an amalgamation of tiny little choices, of small habits and daily rituals. i love that my year lives in my memory, warped and biased, visible in the thousands of pictures and videos i took, but also embedded in the spritz of my everyday perfume or a swipe of my favourite terracotta blush.

so, let’s get into some yearly favourites. a few things you should know:

1. i receive a lot of makeup and skincare products in pr, so i consider myself a person that tries more than the average human.

2. that being said, it takes a lot for me to rave about a product. i don’t gain anything by telling you i love something that i don’t actually love. so if something is on this list — i’m a very big fan.

3. this post is not sponsored, but some links may be affiliate, meaning if you purchase through the link i receive a small commission. just being real with you.

p.s. — i’m giving away a lot of products i’ve loved this year on my tiktok. it ends on january first and i’ll announce the winner on my instagram story! :)

best of: skincare

exfoliating pads: dr dennis gross alpha beta peel / barefaced toning pads

alpha hydroxy acids (ahas) are water-soluble acids, and their primary function is to peel away the surface of your skin so that new, more evenly pigmented skin cells can generate and take their place. beta hydroxy acids (bhas) are oil-soluble, and they can penetrate deeper into the pores to remove dead skin cells and excess sebum. in danger of giving you a full science lesson, let’s just say that using the combination of the two for chemical exfoliation in your routine will be extremely beneficial for shrinking pore size, evening your skin tone, reducing fine lines and wrinkles, unclogging pores, and removing dead skin cells.

i love that the dr dennis gross peels come in three strengths and include a follow-up neutralising treatment. if you’re new to chemical exfoliation or have dry/sensitive skin start with the ultra gentle. if you’re already experienced with exfoliation, or have more stubborn acne, try the universal or the barefaced toning pads. these are expensive favourites to have — i will warn you — but i’ve tried so many chemical exfoliation products and these are by far the most effective.

overnight facial mask: biodance bio-collagen real deep mask

while this mask claims to boost collagen in the skin, it is technically impossible to absorb collagen through the skin due to its massive molecular weight. however — i still absolutely love this overnight mask because it is deeply hydrating and cooling, thanks to the peptides and hyaluronic acid in the serum. i wear it overnight, wake up, and in the morning my skin feels softer and more plump. this year, i’ve started to bring a couple with me when i travel because my skin gets so dehydrated, and i tend to use one on the night before a photoshoot — i always get so many compliments on my skin the next day!

facial mists: rhode glazing mist / eadem mami wata barrier strengthening face mist

i honestly did not understand the appeal of facial mists before this year. now, you won’t catch me without one.

i love rhode’s glazing mist because it has a superfine mist and provides a natural, nourished, hydrated glow. it’s packed with ectoin (an amino acid derivative that binds water molecules to the skin to keep it hydrated) and a ceramide trio. i love to spritz it in between makeup steps to refresh cream products, if i’m running out of the house before a workout and don’t have time to do a full skincare routine, or if i want a healthy glow at the end of my makeup routine.

for a more soothing option — if i’m experiencing any redness or irritation — i reach for eadem’s mami wata. it calms like a recovery serum, quenches like an essence, and guards like a protective shield. it also smells gorgeous, without being overly fragranced.

moisturiser: the inkey list omega water cream (light) / rhode barrier butter (heavy)

i cannot explain how many moisturisers i have tested this year, and i cannot explain how many times i have come back to the inkey list’s omega water cream. it’s lightweight but hydrating, will not irritate the skin, and is oil-free. it’s also $13, which makes it one of the most affordable options in my cabinet. i loved it in the summer as a daily moisturiser.

recently, i’ve been reaching for rhode’s barrier butter daily for more deep hydration in the winter. for my acne-prone girlies, be warned — this does contain shea butter (which gives it that thick, rich, luxurious texture) — so if you are sensitive to that ingredient, it’s best to skip this one.

overnight lip mask: farmacy peptide lip smoothie

i know this lip mask is good because a) i use it every single night and b) my brother always asks to use some. it’s the most unique lip mask formula i have tried — it’s slippery and silky and at the beginning seems to just sit on your lips, but will slowly sink in and deeply hydrate over time. it’s unbelievable. it also provides the most gorgeous, glossy finish that i am constantly complimented on. this is likely the most underrated item on my list — i do not see enough people talking about this!

everyday lip balm: eadem le chouchou lip softening balm, violette fr balm amour

i have high standards for my lip balms too, and i am happy to report i have found two phenomenal winners. many lip balms on the market don’t actually do much, but eadem’s le chouchou lip softening balm in butter mochi is a lip treatment that will give you the moisture of an intense lip mask and the finish of a clear gloss. similarly, violette fr’s balm amour’s formula is another standout — it’s anhydrous (waterless), high-performing, and has a cooling ceramic applicator, making it super satisfying to apply.

red light mask: therabody theraface mask glo

i thought red light masks were a scam until i tried one for myself. don’t just trust my testimonial — there’s plenty of clinical studies and scientific data to back up the effectiveness of these devices. i’ve noticed such a significant improvement in my dark spots and the radiance of my skin this year, thanks to my therabody mask. this one operates on a brief twelve-minute cycle: four minutes of red light, four minutes of red and infrared light, and four minutes of blue light. it’s also completely cordless and has a simultaneous gentle vibrating head massage. it’s become a fundamental part of my wind-down routine every evening this year, and i don’t see myself taking it out anytime soon.

best of: books

short stories: antarctica by claire keegan

we all know by now that claire keegan is a phenomenal writer. if you haven’t already, you should read small things like these: a historical fiction novella about an irish middle-aged man who slowly grasps the enormity of the local convent’s treatment of unmarried mothers and their babies. antarctica is her short story collection, and it might be one of the best i’ve ever read. it’s sharp, biting, introspective, and deeply illuminative of the range of human behaviour in a way that, in my opinion, all successful short story collections should be.

thriller: karin slaughter’s will trent series

i’m doing something untoward and i am reading karin slaughter’s books in her will trent series backwards — i started on book #12 and now i’m on book #10. that is not entirely on purpose. this is the type of series that works through a series of stories in chronological order, but you can technically read them out of order. each story follows an independent criminal case (usually something like a gruesome murder). they’re all based in atlanta and feature gbi special agent will trent.

i picked one up and couldn’t put it down, and was ecstatic to discover that there were 11 other books in the series. slaughter (a great pen name) is a master of plot, great at characterisation, and medically accurate. i will warn you that her books are often violent and touch on difficult topics — they’re not for the faint of heart. if you’re looking for a gripping, intense thriller, you can’t go wrong with any of her books.

romance: seven days in june by tia williams

this was an absolutely gorgeous contemporary black love story that hit every single emotion. i was blushing, giggling, and kicking my feet throughout this one. i admire a book that can delve into black pain that isn’t just a product of racism, and this is the first book i’ve read that centres a black disabled woman in a multifaceted way. i’m not sure about that one week they spent together being ‘love’, and there were one too many current cultural references, but that’s okay! definitely my favourite romance of the year!

weird: all fours by miranda july

i think that as a woman you should read one incredibly weird freaked out book a year. at least. this was my weird freaky book of the year. it was erotic, menopausal, hazy, and unexpected, and i devoured it in two days. don’t say i didn’t warn you.

historical fiction: there are rivers in the sky by elif shafak

a phenomenal, ambitious, and deeply personal work of historical fiction that spans ancient mesopotamia to the present. i think it’s evident when a writer is so deeply connected to their subject matter, and this book was so personal, so thorough, and so expansive. it’s made me want to read more historical fiction!

fantasy: fourth wing by rebecca yarros

this is one of those books where if it was a food it would be something like a giant chocolate chip cookie. like holy shit that was insanely delicious and i finished it in record speed. did it have minimal nutritional value? yes. did it add value to my life? sure! did i have a comedown after finishing it? also yes. am i now addicted? well — yes.

coming-of-age: demon copperhead by barbara kingsolver

this was my number one book of the year in 2025! which is to say if you read any book on this list — make it this one. it’s an incredible coming-of-age story set in the mountains of southern appalachia. this book is actually inspired by charles dickens’ david copperfield, but instead of victorian england, we’re in rural virginia. i’m looking forward to reading more kingsolver in 2026!

sad girl lit fic: my last innocent year by daisy alpert florin

this has to be one of my favourite categories. give me all the depressed young women! this book takes place in a campus setting, and is ambitious and nuanced in its exploration of themes — power, gender, girlhood, sex and more in a #metoo era.

contemporary: the wedding people by alison espach

i really loved this book. unfortunately, it feels like no one has the capacity to write anything remotely funny these days. this book actually was very funny. it was also one of those books where everything is going to shit and then it gets turned around and there are some very important life lessons.

for more a full rundown, check out this post:

best of: fragrance

everyday: dedcool xtra milk

i’ve worked with dedcool in the past, but these are 100% my unsponsored opinions — dedcool’s xtra milk is the perfect everyday signature scent. the notes are bergamot, white musk, and amber. it’s gorgeous on its own, perfectly neutral, and works as a base with every perfume to layer. it’s fresh without being too sharp, and lingers gorgeously.

autumn/winter: lore somewhere but nowhere

lore is a new fragrance brand this year from a powerhouse trio: melanie bender (rhode’s former chief executive), joe cloyes (youth to the people) and mazdack rassi (milk makeup). the scents are familiar but new. my favourite is somewhere but nowhere — with notes of american cedarwood, black tea, cardamom, vanilla cream, and worn-in leather, it is the perfect autumnal scent. i ran through the entire bottle.

spring/summer: prada infusion d’iris eau de parfum

you can’t go wrong with a floral scent for spring. infusion d’iris is a floral woody musk with top notes of african orange flower, neroli, orange, and iris. it’s a light, feminine scent that makes me think of a spring spent picnicking in prospect park.

best of: makeup

my makeup brands of the year are as follows: saie, westman atelier, hourglass, haus labs, and rhode. i truly believe that these are the best brands on the market right now.

illuminator: saie glowy super gel

there are many illuminators on the market, but this one is the best. if you’re looking for a glowy, radiant finish — which i normally am — this should be your first step. in the summer i reach for the sunglow shade, and in the winter i use the starglow.

bronzing drops: westman atelier sun tone bronzing drops

i cannot even explain to you the shock that i felt the first time trying these. i am still genuinely confused as to how these have such unbelievable coverage while being incredibly lightweight. while most other bronzing drops on the market immediately disappear or become muddy when working them into the skin, these retain their coverage while giving you a hydrated matte finish. plus, a little goes a long way — and since these are pricey, that is essential. you can use them to bronze part of your face, mix them into your foundation, or use all over your face for a sun-kissed look.

skin tint: hourglass veil hydrating skin tint

while i don’t believe a skin tint should be this expensive, i can’t not recommend this product to you. the coverage is lightweight, the finish is skin-like, and it’s my most complimented skin tint by far.

i met carisa janes, the founder of hourglass, at the launch of her new beauty brand outside in. i spent about ten minutes raving to her about how much i loved this skin tint (and the mascara — see below.) if you wear skin tints daily or like a more natural, sheer finish, it’s definitely worth at least getting a sample of this to see if you’re a fan.

foundation: haus labs triclone skin tech medium coverage foundation

i don’t wear foundation often, but when i do, it’s this haus labs one. the shade range is extensive (finally!) and caters to all undertones. it’s incredible, medium coverage, and by far the best foundation i have ever tried.

concealer: haus labs skin-tech hydrating + de-puffing concealer, kosas revealer concealer

these two concealers are the only two concealers i have kept coming back to for the past few months, despite being gifted a ridiculous number of concealers in pr. haus labs is my favourite because it is medium coverage and has the correct undertones, meaning my under-eyes don’t look orange, and i love the kosas one because it feels more like skincare and offers a hydrating, nourishing coverage that blends beautifully.

contour: westman atelier face trace contour stick

i spent about an hour in sephora looking for the perfect cool-toned contour. i found that almost every brand made one that was too warm, and felt more like a bronzer. apparently it’s a lot more expensive to make cool-toned products than warm-toned products, which explains the lack of cool contours on the market. haus labs just closed the gap here too, but i find that the westman atelier one has a superior formula. it’s buttery soft, easily blendable, and leaves a naturally sculpted finish. it’s phenomenal, and i believe they’re about to come out with more shades. finally!

brows: make beauty infinite hold brow gel

if you are looking for a strong hold brow gel that actually stays in place but doesn’t flake or leave a white cast, may i introduce you to make beauty’s infinite hold sculpting brow gel. i use the clear one, so i can’t speak to the effectiveness of their tints, but it’s definitely worth trying if you’re looking for something to contain your unruly brows. completely underrated.

blush: rhode pocket blush, haus labs color fuse glassy blush balm stick

i don’t know if you need me to tell you, but rhode’s blush formula is actually very good. it’s a satin, long-wear finish that feels hydrating and glowy without being greasy. my favourite shades are toasted teddy and sleepy girl — i love how the shade range is also inclusive of my darker-skinned girls — the shades plum and date cake specifically look fantastic on more melanated skin.

for a dewy, glassy, finish, i highly recommend the haus labs glassy blush balm. the finish is exactly as the name would state. it’s gorgeously balmy and provides a decent amount of pigment. on a no-makeup day i love to swipe this on my cheeks and i feel wonderfully radiant and flushed.

mascara: hourglass unlocked instant extensions mascara

if you haven’t used a tubing mascara yet, you are absolutely missing out. for a natural, everyday mascara i love the hourglass unlocked instant extensions mascara in the shade espresso, which is a beautiful deep brown. because it’s a tubing formula there is no flaking or fallout throughout the day, and the brush works wonderfully for me. i would spend this much money on this mascara again — that’s how much i love it.

setting spray: one size beauty powder melt glass setting spray

this product absolutely changed my makeup game in 2025. i stumbled across this in sephora when looking for a new setting spray — i love a dewy, natural finish (if you couldn’t tell by now) — and i will repurchase over and over again. this melts your powders together beautifully and gives such a beautiful finish. this is always my first setting spray after i finish my powders, and sometimes i’ll layer with a more mattifying spray or dewy spray depending on the look i’m going for.

let me know in the comments your 2025 faves! xoxo

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but i do need to tell you — it’s important that you have hobbies. without hobbies, you will end up losing your identity to your career, or your family, or your phone, or anything else that swallows up your time and energy. granted, these things are important in and of themselves, but they shouldn’t be what solely defines you.

having hobbies will unlock new communities. it will unlock new avenues of conversation, ways to connect, creative outlets, natural talent, new skills.

here’s how i like to think about it. you should have, at the very least, your big three:

1. a hobby that has you creating

2. a hobby that has you consuming

3. a hobby that has you moving

if you’re anything like me, and you like the feeling of being good at things, starting a new hobby can be a little difficult. because the truth is: if you want to pick up a new hobby, you have to be okay with being a student. you have to be okay with starting from zero. you have to be okay with learning, and you have to be okay with being bad at something. you’ll also likely be entering a new community, and that can be intimidating too.

the only solution? you have to fall in love with the process.

there are reasons why as children, we all had more hobbies (aka “extra-curriculars,” or “after-school activities.”) in a way, it was easier. children are naturally more curious, have no bills to pay or mouths to feed, and an abundance of spare time. plus, these early years are literally all about development and learning new skills.

but at the same time, many of the hobbies that stuck as a child, that brought genuine enjoyment and perhaps crossed over into our adult life, were not enjoyable all of the time. if tennis is a hobby that you love now and you started as a child, how many of those after-school tennis lessons did you really not feel like going to as a child? did you actually want to show up every single time? probably not.

i’ve never heard anyone bring up the idea of discipline when it comes to hobbies. at a surface level, they seem fundamentally in opposition. but in today’s world, i believe you need to be disciplined to have many hobbies. this is because everything — and i mean everything — is going to be competing for your attention. your phone. your computer. your responsibilities. sometimes, doing something you know will help you feel better will feel like the path of most resistance.

so if you’re in the market for a new hobby, you’re likely going to have to dip your toe in a few before you find one that sticks. you might not love it the first time around. it might take some time to concentrate — all of our attention spans are fried — but you’ll probably know whether or not something is for you after the first few times you do it. you’ll know that you like a hobby because you will leave it feeling better than when you started. you might feel inspired, or reinvigorated, or calm, or eager to share. take note.

so, without further ado — here is a very looongg list of hobbies that you can give a go. if it’s something i do, i’ve asterisked it.

let me know in the comments what your fave hobbies are, and if i’ve missed any!

hobbies that have you creating

hands-on & tactile

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over the years i’ve worked with so many brands — victoria’s secret, aerie, skims, hollister, urban outfitters, lemme, aritzia, soma, revlon, glow recipe, walmart, and so many more. i mainly book commercial jobs, which means i don’t do a lot of high-fashion/editorial work. the kind of jobs i work means that you might see me in sephora, or at the mall, or when you’re online shopping. i like it that way (plus, it pays better).

i’ve travelled to new countries alone, flown bleary-eyed red eyes, shot snowy holiday campaigns in the damp heat of august, worked with top creatives in the fashion industry, shot under the bright lights of countless studios, filmed countless smiling self-tapes, been to more castings than jobs, and ultimately had my pictures taken probably close to one bazillion times.

i like to think that, six years later, my experiences have made me not only a better model, but also a better person. here are my top six life lessons that i believe everyone can benefit from.

1. you might hate it, but you need to master small talk.

it is not disputed that in order to be successful you need to be a good communicator. what is not often discussed, however, is just how much of this communication will be small talk. regardless of your profession, in order to advance in your career you will need to spend hours talking to coworkers, clients, bosses, or employees, and be comfortable attending meetings, company parties, happy hours, conferences, and more.

working as a model is like getting randomly assigned new coworkers every day. unless you are in the rare scenario of working for a repeat client that has a full in-house team, it is unlikely that you are on set with the exact same people twice. for photoshoots, brands tend to hire freelance creatives to execute their vision.

so as a model, you are coming into contact with all of these people — alongside photographers, hairstylists, makeup artists, and stylists, you will also meet lighting assistants, creative directors, digital techs, art directors, producers, studio managers, styling assistants, prop stylists, production assistants, people on the brand side, and many other people whose names you don’t catch and whose titles you don’t know. also, before the shoot, it’s unlikely that you know who these people are going to be, and often on set you don’t get the full rundown on who is who.

so while the quality of the job you do is obviously not measured by how well you can socialise on set, it is beneficial to your own happiness and the happiness of everyone around you to be able to at the very least hold a conversation. no one likes a silent model, a rude model, or a model that is glued to their phone the entire day.

and when you’re jumping around from makeup to hair to styling to set, you often just won’t have time to have deep, meaningful conversations. you have to be able to tell people your life story in a few sentences. you have to get used to having the same kind of conversation over and over again. you have to be good at polite small talk.

2. you need to be able to connect with all different kinds of people.

following on from the previous point, if you’ve spent your whole life around the same kind of people — similar age, lifestyle, background, etc. — i promise you that you will struggle when meeting anyone new.

there is a facet of being good at socialising that comes with being able to a) read a person, and b) respond appropriately. this is not to say that you should shape-shift to change your personality or how you talk to someone, but we all know an example of someone who can do this successfully — someone who can talk to anyone comfortably and confidently without sacrificing their own personality. this is a hugely underrated skill.

i am naturally a very curious and observant person, so i tend to enjoy asking people questions. i want to know what makes people tick. i want to know their life story. i want to know what they’re into. what they’re reading. if in doubt, ask questions. you can learn a lot from just listening.

if you’re trying to work on this skill, strike up more conversations with strangers that you come across in your everyday life. maybe the man at your local bodega, or the woman that you always see in your building’s lobby, or the barista that makes your strawberry matcha.

you will not be besties with everyone, or even like everyone you come across, but at the very least you need to be able to hold a conversation. plus, if you don’t need to expend a whole lot of mental energy on conversing with people, you’ll probably be better at your job.

3. there is so much you can’t control. you gotta just go with it.

i used to spend the days after castings holding my breath — refreshing my emails, checking in with my agent about whether the client had responded yet. when three days later i finally would get the “sorry babe, this one released xx” response i would feel my heart drop. what had i done wrong? why didn’t they like me? was i too short? not skinny enough? not pretty enough?

every casting or option missed was a reflection of my failure, and every job that i booked was a marker of my success. living this way was exhausting. it incorrectly positioned me as the central force in everything. somewhat selfishly, i believed that i was in control of my fate.

sometimes, you’re just not the right person for the job. and that is okay. you have to be okay with rejection. you have to be okay with not being picked.

i can confidently say that i now believe that what is meant for me will not pass me by. now, i genuinely forget about options that i’m holding. that would have been quite literally unfathomable for me at 18 years old.

this is also only possible if you decenter your career from your life, and understand you are so much more than your accomplishments. when i first started my modelling career, it was in the depths of covid. i had nothing else to do but fixate on my shortcomings. two years later, deep into my yale degree, there often wasn’t time to worry about whether i’d book the casting i just taped for.

4. there is no one right way to do anything.

i’ve met makeup artists that started their craft at 50 years old, and i’ve met makeup artists who have never known anything else. i know professionally trained photographers, and i’ve worked with ones who just picked up a camera one day. i’ve met models that didn’t graduate from high school, and i’ve met models that are studying for their masters.

i can tell you firsthand that people in the fashion industry come from all walks of life. despite the stereotypes, there is not one personality type or background that is consistent across every creative you meet.

the benefit of this is that it becomes quite literally impossible to compare your path to anyone else’s. it also makes it possible to see that other paths — non-traditional paths — are completely available to you.

when you look around and you see people that have so many different stories, yet you are all in the same room, you start to realise that as long as you are true to yourself, work hard, and chase your dreams, anything is possible.

5. good communication will save you more times than you think.

i cannot tell you how many times i’ve been sitting on the subway, heart pounding in my chest because i’m going to be 10 minutes late to a casting due to a delayed train, or a missed train, or a timing mishap. worst-case scenarios will flash through my head — they’re not going to even see you anymore, this will reflect poorly on you and your professionalism, you’ve travelled two hours for nothing, etc.

i also cannot tell you how many times that i have texted my agent at the next station once i have service — “running 10 minutes late due to a delayed train, so sorry” — to receive some version of the following responses: “no worries, they’re seeing people until 2pm” or “they’re actually running 30 minutes behind, so all good”, or even just “ok, i’ll let the client know.”

(i suppose a secondary point is that being early — or giving yourself more time than you think you will need — will save you more times than you think.)

everyone values professionalism, and good communication is a hallmark of a good professional. respond to your emails, and don’t keep people in the dark. life happens, and people are more understanding when you tell them that life is life-ing.

6. unless you can find happiness within yourself, you will never be happy.

if you only internalise one message from all of this, i hope it is this one.

read and re-read it until it sinks in.

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it’s safe to say i’ve picked up some tips and tricks for the absolute best methods for goal setting. in december last year i did my homework — i listened to all of the podcasts, read all of the articles, watched all of the tiktoks (diligently, on 1x speed), and now i get to share that knowledge with you. yay!

the framework i used last year was incredibly effective. i achieved most of the goals i set (goals that i knew were achievable but still felt ambitious), and i never stopped working towards them or checking in on them throughout the year, which was a first.

for example, three of my more substantial goals were 1) read 40 books (i’m on 49 currently!), 2) monetize at least one social platform (brand deals now comprise the majority of my income), and 3) run a half marathon (i also achieved my goal of finishing in under 2 hours).

i am so proud of myself!

i don’t know if i would have achieved these things if i didn’t set them as goals, or if i didn’t have the correct systems to ensure i could follow through. although it’s easy to believe that everything will fall into place exactly how you want it to, your life is too important to let pass you by. if you’ve achieved what you want to so far without setting goals, imagine just how far you could go with some focused attention.

i’m looking forward to sharing this with you, and i hope that by the end you feel inspired and prepared to create your own goals for 2026. if you feel like you’re starting from zero, check out my previous post on how to create a moodboard for 2026 — this will help you become clearer with what you might like to achieve.

my four-step goal-setting system

1. reflect

if you set goals for the previous year, check back in on them. what did you achieve? what did you not manage to tick off? what habits allowed you to achieve your goals, and what habits hindered you? have your priorities changed since you created these goals, or are they no longer aligned with your long-term vision? remember as you move through this exercise that life happens, and that is okay — it is highly unlikely that you will a) tick everything off and b) actually still care about achieving everything on your list.

if you didn’t set goals for the previous year, you can still reflect on your wins! if i don’t have anything written down, i like to go back through my camera roll to trigger memories that i may have forgotten. it’s likely that you had some kind of vision for what you would do this year. if you didn’t, that’s okay — we’re here to set one.

2. visualise

before we get down to the nitty-gritty, we have to think about the big picture. now that you’ve reflected on the past, you can think forward to the future. what do you want out of 2026? i love to do this by creating a vision board. you can start with words but then move to images — i use pinterest for inspiration!

i’d highly recommend reading this article, which will guide you through the process of creating a vision board that will allow you to visualise your dream life. it also explains the science behind visualisation and manifestation, and gives you example categories for how you can start to think about your life.

3. set

now we can start to create our goals! all of our goals should be s.m.a.r.t. (i apologise if you feel like you’re back in school, but it is unfortunately a very useful framework). if you’re unfamiliar, this stands for smart, measurable, actionable, relevant, and time-bound. the point of this is to allow you to actually achieve your goals.

you can’t actually achieve something if it isn’t measurable. for example, a non-smart goal would be “i want to read more.” you might get to the year and have read a lot, but you don’t even know if you can tick it off, because what is more? however, a goal of “in 2026, i want to read 50 books” is a s.m.a.r.t. goal.

i find it useful to develop 2-3 goals under each of the following categories:

• personal development

• career

• finances

• health & wellness

• relationships

but you can do what is best for you.

4. track

okay — now it’s time to ensure that we can break down some of these big, scary (but still achievable!) goals into bite-sized habits, so that we can implement them into our daily routines. the truth is that achieving things is often boring — it’s in the day-to-day work and the decisions we make on a routine, habitual basis. here’s how i like to do it:

• main goal

  • daily habit that will lead me to achieve the main goal

  • monthly milestone that demonstrates i’m on track to achieve the main goal

for example:

• read 50 books

  • read every night before bed

  • read five books every month

so i know what work i need to be doing on a daily basis, and throughout the year it’s easy for me to know if i’m on track to achieving my end-of-year goal. monthly check-ins work for me — i just add it as a recurring event in my google calendar, and take five minutes to check in at the end of the month — but everyone works differently. some people reflect quarterly, some reflect halfway through the year, some reflect every week.

whatever you do, as you move through the year, keep your goals realistic and flexible. as i said before, life is going to happen — and that’s okay!

what’s a big goal you’re looking forward to achieving in 2026? let me know in the comments!

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susamusa

susamusa is a london-based label that creates “timeless silhouettes to make you feel confident.” when i think of susamusa, i think of the contemporary ‘cool girl’. self assured, multi-faceted, kind, and confident.

i’ve been a long-time susamusa fan — before she was creating her own clothes, she was part of the vintage depop reseller community. she has always had impeccable taste, and i am happy that she translated this to a successful label.

in my head susamusa is still a small brand, but since kendall jenner, jorja smith, olivia dean, bella hadid, kaia gerber, and many more have been spotted in the label, i think i have to come to terms with the fact that this is no longer a hidden gem. i’m so proud!

this belongs to

this belongs to is a british label that began as an underwear brand in 2021, and all of their pieces are ethically handmade in the UK. since starting out with exclusively ruffle knickers, they expanded first into clothing with this fun silk suit-style ‘denim’ set, and then into swimwear, where i think they are absolutely thriving. cool girls™ like iris law and rita ora have been seen in their swimwear, and i don’t think it will be long until we see more.

i have my eye on this swimming costume for next summer. chic, flattering, convertible, well-made and timeless — it’s everything a girl (me) wants.

arodazi

arodazi is another london-based small brand. it’s still a baby, founded in 2023 by the wonderful izadora hodges (izadora = arozadi), and is perhaps the most eccentric brand on this list.

i am in awe of the silhouettes that izadora creates and the way that she plays with material & draping. i think she’s starting to really get into her groove with the designs. while i haven’t spotted any celebrities wearing the label, there are still many cool girls™ rocking arodazi.

it’s fun and experimental in the absolute best way!

caspar the label

caspar the label is a female-owned label operated by a small team out of london. on their website, they write that “caspar is not a brand that follows fashion at speed. our pieces are trend-aware but not trend-dependent, designed to transition effortlessly between seasons and remain relevant over time. each item carries its own design identity, balanced by timeless wearability.” i rock with this.

their clothes have a beautiful colour palette and repeatedly play with buttons. to me, these designs sit at the intersection of masculine and feminine. while there are structured tops, straight-leg trousers and an absence of cinched waists, there is also a certain softness to the way that the clothes fall on the body, and a beautiful balance between clothing and the skin. plus, addison rae and ruby lyn love them.

le—febour

le—febour is a canada-based slow fashion label that makes absolutely beautiful bags. founded by designer hannah lefebour, the brand is named after her grandmother, connie lefebour, “a skilled tailor who immigrated to canada from bombay and built a life through her hands, sewing and altering garments with quiet precision.”

i’ve been in the market for a beautiful, slouchy bag that sits nicely on the shoulder, and is big enough to carry everything i need.

i had my sights set on the everything bag 09 — a gorgeous salt & pepper cowhide number with a genuine leather strap — but i missed the drop because i was in the sauna at lifetime fitness. so i can’t be too mad. but mark my words, one day one of these beautiful bags will be mine. i just have to hope the cool girls™ don’t get there before me again.

by neil vernon

by neil vernon is a sydney-based australian fashion brand that creates foundational pieces “that celebrate femininity and functionality.”

now that i am officially in my mid-twenties, i have found myself gently packing away all of my mega cropped going-out tops from my uni days, and starting to reach for more sleek, structural, sultry pieces. this freya top is gorgeous, and i think would be perfect with dark-wash jeans and a kitten heel.

it is both timeless and not necessarily seasonal, which in my opinion is an important factor in ensuring you get sufficient wear out of a piece. this is a brand to watch out for.

cool girls™ shop small! :) <3 xoxo